Chapter 1: Waking Up
Chapter Text
Mare opened her eyes, the light blinding her, the artificial lights too bright, she looked around to see her family there she wanted to speak but she fell back under into darkness.
She didn’t know how long she had been sedated for but she knew it had been a while her body was sore and uncomfortable. She opened her eyes and the lights didn’t hurt her as much.
She looked around her room and saw her mum Helen sitting in one of the chairs fast asleep.
“Mum” Mare says, her voice horse.
Helen didn’t stir so Mare spoke a bit louder “Mum” Helen jolted awake.
“Mare, thank goodness”
“How long have I been out for?”
“A couple of days, your arm is pretty battered but other than that your fine”
The flashback of her and Colin stepping into the Potts out, Colin being too slow drawing out is gun and was shot in the head because of her and all she came out with was a battered arm how is that right that she escaped so freely.
“Yeah I’m fine, apart from Colin who’s probably in the morgue by now”
Helen said nothing, which unsettled Mare she always had something to say, she turned her head slightly and looked at her mum and she couldn’t keep eye contact with her.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Well, Colin is still hanging on in there”
Mare couldn’t take in the news, how was that possible? She saw Colin get shot in the head no one could survive that and if they did what sort of life would he have?
“What… he’s still alive” Mare stumbled the words
“Yes, the Chief said he’s still fighting, I don’t know the details”
Mare felt some weight lifted not much but some knowing she hadn’t got Colin killed but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t die and if he did survive his life would never be the same again.
“I need to see him” she tried to get up but the room spins
“No Mare, you can’t” and she gently pushes her shoulders so Mare didn’t move anymore.
“Mum, I need to see for myself”
“Not yet, you still recovering”
“Yeah for a battered arm”
“Marianne, for once in your life will you listen to me”
Mare looks at her mother and gives her a dirty look but she was right she wasn’t strong enough to go walking around the hospital looking for Colin’s room.
“Are Siobhan and Drew okay?”
“They fine, they’ve been here but Drew got a bit irritable so Siobhan took him home”
“Oh” was all Mare could say, she felt so numb and distance from her family, she knew she had to see Colin at some point for her to believe he was still alive.
Mare dozed off again and the next time she woke up she was alone, the pain in her arm was aching so she pressed the pain relief button and it eased it slightly.
The door opens and Chief Carter walked through the door, Mare shrunk into her pillows like a small child because she knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant.
“Can you fucking explain to me, why you were in the Potts house when you’ve been suspended and not only have you got hurt, you put Zabel in danger and he’s now fighting for his life”
“I’m sorry Chief”
“That’s not good enough, I should of sacked you the moment you planted them drugs on Carrie but I gave you the benefit of the doubt because of what you’ve been through”
“Is Colin still alive?”
“Yes, it’s touch and go, they don’t know if he’s going to make it but he’s got through the first operation”
“How did he even survive a bullet to the head?”
“Because the bullet hit is cheek instead, a fraction higher he wouldn’t be here, Mare I’ve worked with you, I know how fixated you get on a case but you had no right being in that house unarmed and you certainly didn’t have any right taking Zabel with you”
“I know I’ve fucked up, more than fucked up and I’ve changed Colin’s life forever, even if he does survive what sort of life is he going to have?”
“I was going to tell you to never set foot in my station again but I think you suffering enough with the guilt, I don’t want you back until I get confirmation your fit for work”
“What?” Mare says confused “Aren’t you sacking me?”
“No, but if you fuck up again, you’re out, you understand me?”
Mare nods her head “I understand Chief, have you been to see Colin and poor Mrs Zabel”
“I stopped by for a couple of minutes, the police aren’t very welcome by Mrs Zabel at the moment, but he’s fighting”
“I’ve got to see him”
“No Mare, your not welcome, Mrs Zabel has made that perfectly clear, so you respect her wishes and focus on your recovery”
Chief turns from her and heads out of the room. She was relieved she wasn’t loosing her job, but the guilt was crippling her, she may of survived and managed to keep her job but at what cost, using Colin’s feelings for her to get back on the case and through her selfishness she had changed Colin’s life forever…
Chapter 2: News
Summary:
Marr gets the news Colin is awake.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Mare was discharged a couple of days later, her arm in a cast, she knew she was lucky that she only injured her arm compared to Colin she got off lightly even if Colin survives she will always carry the guilt around with her.
As soon as she out of the car the press were waiting for her, camera flashing like a fireworks going off in the sky.
Lori guided her inside where her mom was waiting her, Helen closed the door but not before sticking up two fingers to the reporters.
Mare was taken by surprised when Helen took her in arms and hugged her, they had a strained relationship, they were never close, Mare was always a daddy girl, she worshipped the ground he walked on and Mare now realised that her mom was left out during her childhood.
“Christ mom, you nearly fucking suffocating me”
“Language Marianne”
Mare got herself comfy on the sofa, where Lori busiest herself in the kitchen making some coffee for the three of them.
“Any updates on Zabel?” Mare asked
“Still the same I think, it hasn’t been on the news he’s passed away” Helen says
Mare closes her eyes to block out the pain she was feeling in her heart.
“If I hadn’t been so fucking selfish, none of this would of happened, why didn’t I leave the case alone it wasn’t mine anymore”
Loris came through and places the three coffees on the table and joined Mare on the sofa and put her arm around her.
“Were you an idiot involving Colin, yes but you didn’t know it was going to happen”
“No but I used him to work the case, I didn’t want anyone solving my fucking case, I knew it could of been dangerous but I still pressed on knowing I was unarmed”
“Mare” Helen begins
“No mom, no matter what the both of you say nothing is going to make this right, I’m to blame for all this”
“He’s still alive, he’s still fighting” Helen says
“Yeah but what sort of life is he going to have, I need to see him”
“You not be welcome, you need to let him recover and let him come to you” Helen tells her
“But-“
“Helen’s right, you need to let him come to come you”
“Fuck sake, what a fucking mess” Mare bows her head
“Why don’t you go and get some sleep” Lori says
Mare nods her head and heads down the hallway to her room and just collapses on the bed, pulling the comforter around her and she finally let the tears fall.
Over the next couple of weeks Chief Carter gave Mare updates, Colin was improving, he hadn’t woke up but he was no longer relaying on a breathing machine anymore.
Mare was due back to work in the next couple of days on light suites, mostly admin, she wanted to argue that she was ready to get back out in the field, but she had fucked up massively and she had to suck it up otherwise she would be out.
A couple of days later Mare was sitting in her office, closing some of her cases when she hears a knock she looks up and sees Chief Carter.
“I thought you should know Colin has regain consciousness”
Mare was relieved that she didn’t have Zabel’s blood on her hands but she would to be blame for whatever repercussions he would be facing for his recovery”
“Is he talking?” Mare asked
“I don’t have all the details apart from he’s awake”
Mare gets up she had to see for herself that Colin was living and breathing.
“Mare no, Mrs Zabel has made it known you are not welcome, she barely trusts the police now, if you went you be making matters worse”
She knew Chief was right but it didn’t stop the feeling of longing wanting to see Colin. She sits back down and goes back to her case file on her desk “Thank for you telling me”
Chief Carter nods his head and leaves her office shutting the door behind him.
“Fuck” Mare whispers to herself, she had to see Colin but would he want to see her. Would he blame her? Of course he would why wouldn’t he? He almost died because of her and be living with her mistake for the rest of his life.
She knew it was risky but she parked in the car park of the hospital, she was watching to see if Judy would leave so she could sneak in and see Colin, she knew it was wrong but until she saw him, she wouldn’t believe he was alive.
Her mind kept going over them on the bridge and the conversation they had, it was the first time he had been at ease with her telling her about his case and how he didn’t really solve it, he started to relax around her.
She knew the way he acted around her he had feelings for her and she wasn’t blind that he had them from the first moment he met her, he was always stumbling over his words and was unbelievably nervous, she thought it was cute a younger man yearning after her.
She knew she was awful on the date, using him to get back on the case that she didn’t even give me a chance but despite the way she treated him he was always kind to her and acted mature about it all.
The conversation they had kept going around her mind, her telling him that her life was a shit show and he shouldn’t be part of it but it didn’t faze him in the slightest and he kissed her and told her how does she know what he wants?
Colin was right she didn’t but she couldn’t see what she would offer a thirty something guy but she wasn’t him and she didn’t know what he wanted in his life, she was making assumptions that he would want marriage and kids and she couldn’t give him either so what would he get out of being with her?
Why was she even thinking about a possible relationship with him, she made it clear she wasn’t interested but now the fact she could of lost him her feelings what she was hiding was coming to the forefront and she had to admit she’s got feeling for him.
She was about to head home, Drew would be waiting for her and she knew Judy wouldn’t be leaving her son side but she was in luck when Judy walked out of the entrance, Mare made sure she hadn’t come out for some fresh air but she headed to her car and drove out of the carpark.
This was her moment and she headed inside and approach the reception.
“What room is Colin Zabel in?”
The young receptionist looked up thankfully she didn’t recognise her.
“Are you on his visitors list?”
“Erm no”
“Then I’m afraid you can’t see him”
She knew it was wrong but she pulled the police card “I’m actually here to take his statement?” She took out her ID card.
The receptionist looked at it “He’s in room 502, up on the fifth floor, don’t stay long”
Mare headed to the lift, knew she had to be quick Judy could be back at any moment. The lift zoomed up to the fifth floor and she got out and walked to room 502 she stopped outside, almost to scared to go in but she had to see him…
Notes:
Will Colin be happy to see her or will he turn her away?
Chapter Text
Mare opened the door and the first thing she heard was Colin’s heart rate beeping at a steady pace that confirmed he was living and breathing.
Then she saw him, white as ghost, it looked like his entire body had been drained of blood, then she zoned in on his face the right side was bandaged up and she dread to think what damage there is.
He was sleep and she was disappointed that she wouldn’t talk to him but it was probably for the best, the last person he would want to see is her but this is what she wanted to see for herself he was still alive that she could leave.
Her hand had just touched the door handle when she heard a faint voice.
“Mare?”
Mare’s heart leaped at the sound of Colin’s voice but it sounded so weak, she turned and saw him with his eyes on her.
“Hey Za… Colin”
“I was hoping you would drop by”
“Really, I thought I be the last person you would want to see”
“I was worried about you”
Mare had never known anyone with so much compassion, he should be blaming her but instead he was worried about her.
“You were worried about? That’s ridiculous” Mare tells in
She walks towards the chair at the side of his bed and sat down and taking both her and Colin by surprised she held his hand, it was so soft and warm.
She heard Colin take an intake of breath. She starts to move her hand away when Colin stops her.
“Please it feels nice”
“Colin, you shouldn’t been worried about me, I escaped with a banged up arm,if anything you should hate me, I almost got you killed”
“I don’t hate you Mare, I never could, we know the danger comes with the job every time we go out into the field”
Colin did have a point every time she left her house she wondered if she would return, when Kevin died, she wanted to die too and there were some days she wished something would happen but they were only passing thoughts, she had Siobhan and Drew to think off and her mom too.
“I kept asking if you were okay, my mom wouldn’t tell me, in fact she told the Chief that she didn’t want you to know anything about any of my recovery”
“I don’t blame her Colin, I would feel the same way”
“I understand but it’s my choice and I told Chief to let you know I was awake, I was hoping you would come and see me, so it’s nice to see you Mare”
“I had to come to see for myself you were still alive”
“I’m glad you did” Colin squeezes her hand
“How do you it?” Mare asked
“Do what?” Colin replied confused
“Able to see good in people?”
“Guess it’s a gift, but Mare I do see you, perfectly clear”
Mare bows her head so Colin couldn’t see the warm heat blush across her cheeks.
“So erm… how’s your recovery coming along?”
“Slow but I think it’s going to be okay, I was lucky the bullet went through the cheek but it was a close one, I’m going to have a hell of scar but I’m thankfully I’m alive”
“Me too hero cop”
“Hero cop?”
“Yeah that’s what they are calling us, because we got Katie and Missy out” Mare explains
“Correct you got them out, all I did was get shot and almost died”
“Colin, without you we wouldn’t of even found Wayne Potts, we are a team, partners”
“I guess, I’ve enjoyed learning from you but I’m not coming back to the force”
Mare knew something like this would be coming and she couldn’t blame him thinking that way she probably would too.
“Don’t make that decision just yet, you need time to heal”
Colin doesn’t say anything, he goes quiet and Mare thought he had fallen asleep until he looked at her.
“Mare about what happened on the bridge, I don’t regret kissing you”
Mare is about to appear when Judy and a beautiful woman with long black hair and blue eyes enter…
Notes:
Who is the woman with Judy and will it put a wedge between Colin and Mare?
MareZabel on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Apr 2025 11:21AM UTC
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