Work Text:
Kaylie is drunk off her ass, which is not a particularly shocking thing. Drinking was a convenient way to escape from the bullshit that is her life and her father’s behaviour, especially the latter now that he followed her around and suddenly insisted on being in her life. If he’d wanted that, then he should’ve stayed with her mother instead of running like a coward. She signals the tavernkeep for another drink. The goal of tonight is to get blackout, so she doesn’t have to talk to anyone when she gets back to the castle. Sorry, gotta sleep it off, would be the excuse. Last thing she needed was to bump into one of Scanlan’s friends, nice enough on their own but they willingly accompanied him and knew of his habits and said nothing.
The only person she can tolerate in that bigass castle is Cassandra. She’s more pleasant, in spite of the money, and she understands what it is to be abandoned. The amount of shit she’d been through, the time Kaylie had found her in the corner of the music room crying, it made her feel a sense of kinship and connection to her. She downs her fresh glass of ale in a handful of gulps.
Kaylie sets her head down on the table in front of her, glass still in hand and resting on the table. The grain of the wood is suddenly incredibly fascinating. Even in the city of Whitestone there are seedy bars to escape to. Nothing close to being like Kymal, but enough that no one asks questions and people don’t care if you drink till you throw up. This also means people can get away with saying shit that would get them thrown out elsewhere. Just over the ringing in her ears, she hears a group of men laughing loudly. The sound is grating, and she can’t imagine what has them cackling like that. That is when she hears it, what makes her feel far more sober than she had seconds before.
“... don’t understand how so many people are happy to just listen to the de Rolo bitch, she sat all pretty in the castle while we all fucking starved and fought for our lives. Snuggling up to the fucks that killed her family and killed ‘her people’ tha’ she claims to care so much about. Her and her brother can go fuck themselves.”
She feels a burning rage building up in her chest, the heat on her cheeks and at her ears now from more than the alcohol. These men, sitting around talking about Cassandra as though they knew her. As though they knew the intricacies of what she’d suffered while she was ‘sitting pretty’. They hadn’t seen the scars on her wrists or her neck. Kaylie ground her teeth together and her breathing grew heavy. The sounds of agreement from the man’s friends felt deafening. The logical part of her begged her to not start a fight she can’t win, she’s a gnomish woman and many of the people sitting with him were human men. The logical part of her doesn’t win, she sits up and spins around in her chair to face them. This gets their attention. They must see the look on her face,
“How the fuck can you speak with so much confidence on a topic you know jack shit about? Mind tellin’ where you got the audacity, because I’d like to speak with your dealer.”
The man scowls at her, she sees his knuckles go white around the tankard he’s holding. His friends all start muttering between each other. The man turns around to face her like she did him, this was a gods awful idea, he’s so much bigger than her and he’s also drunk.
“Fuck did you say to me little girl? You think that bitch deserves to be there? Acting like you know the bastard orphans of Whitestone.”
The burning grows more intense. Her mind is clouded by rage, the logical part of her brain has been silenced completely.
“Yeah. I do. And I know that ‘the de Rolo bitch’ doesn’t deserve to be called that by you and your gaggle of idiots. You got no idea what she went through.”
The man looks like he might start laughing at her, but there’s an anger in his eyes as well. A large portion of the tavern has gone quiet, staring at this interaction unfolding before them. The man makes a sucking noise, and then spits at her feet.
“That’s just lovely ain’t it, all snuggled up to the Briarwoods’ bitch, wonder how often you-”
He doesn’t get to finish before Kaylie’s glass is flying through the air at his head. She sees red. How dare they call her that. How dare they even fucking imply she wanted any part of those people or what happened to her. The glass shatters on his head, and shit hits the fan well and truly. He is immediately out of his chair and lunging straight at her, blood dripping down his face from a cut on his forehead. She jumps off her own chair and out of the way, reaching for the dagger she has in her belt.
Another man slams into her side and all the air is forced out of her lungs as she collides with the side of the bar table. Wrenching her arm from between her and the bar, her dagger is finally free. She promptly sinks it deep into one the arms pinning her, the man screams and releases her. There’s shouting from surrounding patrons, some of them deciding to join in on the fight, others running away. The tavernkeep is shouting at all of them but not a soul is listening.
Kaylie is unsteady on her feet, the drink is impairing her balance, but her eyes are locked onto the main culprit. He is currently caught up in a fist fight with a tall Tabaxi man but he keeps looking for her in the crowd. She ducks behind a flipped over table, holding her dagger tightly in her right hand, ready to fight anyone who tries anything more. Crouched there behind the table, Kaylie begins to plan an escape route, the sooner she can put space between herself and that guy the better. This whole fight was a shitty idea, but he stopped talking about Cass, that was worth it. That made it worth it. She would have to move along the walls to stay out of most of the chaos and hidden behind other people. Being small made fighting more difficult, but it means you can also disappear.
She keeps low to the floor, and moves towards the wall closest to her, having to dodge out of the way of being stepped on. She’ll get back to the castle, sneak into their wine cellar and finish her drinking there instead. There was no chance she could come back here, if not cause of this guy she’s pissed off, cause the tavernkeep would beat her ass for starting a fight and fucking up their tavern. She doesn’t get far, someone stepping back right into her and knocking her flat on her ass, it becomes her turn to have a glass thrown at her.
“Shit-”
Kaylie throws up her arms to protect her face, and the glass breaks against them. Slicing open her shirt sleeves and her arms. Naturally, it’s been thrown by the guy who she started this fight with to begin with. His eyes are locked straight onto her, face now also bruised and dirtied. Another round of adrenaline courses through her system as he begins to stalk towards her,
“I’m not finished with you, you little bitch.”
Shit, fuck- Quickly as she can she pushes herself back onto her feet and begins to run. Ducking and dodging around people as he follows her, he’s not even fighting with others, just trying to push past them and get after her. Her feet are still unsteady from the drinking, and she trips. Falling forwards, but catching herself on her hands. Hands grab a hold of her shoulders and spin her around, slamming her into the floor. The wind is knocked out of her for a second time that night, and before she can breathe a fist collides with her jaw.
Her head is knocked sideways, Kaylie throws her arms up yet again to defend her face. He keeps trying to hit her again, but thankfully she’s small enough she can squirm out from where she’s pinned underneath him. She brings her knee up between his legs, hard, as he’s too distracted by attempting to hit her to remember to guard himself. The cry he makes is delightful, but she doesn’t hang around to bask in it. Her jaw is aching and her arms are burning as she finally makes it out of the tavern, into the chilled night air. The cold gives her some clarity, and she begins her run back to the castle.
— — — — —
The guards at the gate had shown considerable concern at her condition, after they’d determined who she was. Naturally she’d told them to leave her be, she wasn’t interested in healing right now she just wanted to sleep. Maybe she’d just ask Pike tomorrow… but Pike would ask questions. Fuck, everyone would ask questions. It was that or try to heal everything naturally like she had many times before. It was from those many times before, she knew that the cuts on the forearm were going to be a bitch to get closed. She sighs, defeated. Either of the options would suck.
Her boots feel loud on the stone floors, in the dead quiet of the night. Everyone aside from guards would be asleep by now, or rather should. The sound of soft footsteps behind her makes her pick up her pace to avoid being seen, but unfortunately it isn’t fast enough.
“Kaylie?”
Kaylie’s heart flutters in her chest. As fond as she is of her, Cassandra is the last person she wants to see at this exact moment. However, Cassandra is also not someone you can just rebuff and get away with it, like her brother, she’s stubborn. She doesn’t turn around, if she turned around Cassandra would see the bruise forming on her face. She would see it soon anyway, but Kaylie wanted to delay the response she would inevitably have.
“Hey Cass.”
“What are you doing up so late? Dressed at least.”
“I uh… I just wanted to go out for a drink.”
She hears Cassandra getting closer, she’s barefoot based on the sound. Makes sense since she was probably in bed then couldn’t sleep like she usually can’t. When she gets close enough Kaylie finally decides to look up at her, which gets a response of visible shock and concern from her. That was exactly what she didn’t want to happen, Cassandra has enough to worry about already without stressing over her injuries.
“Oh. What happened? We-”
She pauses and bites her lip, looking frantically between Kaylie’s face and her arms.
“We should go wake Pike, she can help you.”
“No, I really don’t feel like dealing with her right now.”
“You’re hurt Kaylie. There’s no need to sit with that until morning just because-”
“Cass. Please.”
“... Alright. Alright.”
They fall into silence. The candle Cassandra is holding paints her face in a soft golden light, she looks almost ethereal. Her nightdress is long, long sleeves and a high neckline. Her lips are pressed into a frown, Kaylie catches herself thinking about how soft they would be to kiss. Irritatingly, she feels her cheeks growing hot at the thought, and so she averts her eyes from Cassandra and tries to hide her face in the shadows and the darkness around their small oasis of light.
“Will you at least let me tend to them before you sleep?”
Kaylie lets out a long breath. She doesn’t want to bother Cassandra… but she’s already awake. She doesn’t want someone else dealing with the consequences of her mistakes, she doesn’t want to be like her father. Cassandra is staring at her with a gentle expression, eyebrows furrowed, it feels almost like she’s emploring Kaylie to say yes. She doesn’t imagine that there’s a great deal to be done to help her jaw, but her arms could probably use cleaning. That glass wasn't a clean and empty one. She makes eye contact with Cassandra again, hoping that her blush has subsided by now. Maybe she could just blame it on the alcohol.
“Okay. I… I can do that.”
Cassandra nods, offering Kaylie her hand to hold. Kaylie takes it. Her hands are soft. They’re always soft. Every time she’s touched her they’ve been so soft. They enter another period of silence as Cassandra leads them to the medical bay. Probably a good thing she’s being led, she still struggles to find her way around this place. She can't comprehend how anyone could need and use this much space, then again most of the rooms, bed chambers at least, in castle Whitestone were for guests. The de Rolos just… don’t do as many fancy parties or dinners anymore, if at all from what she’s heard and seen. She supposes that when the last proper dinner party you had with guests ended in your family being slaughtered and your home taken from you, you’re not going to be eager to invite people over. They stop in front of a door, and Cassandra wordlessly asks her to hold the candle while she opens it. Kaylie assumes the hinges must be slightly stuck given how she has to push against it with her shoulder. Once they’re inside Cassandra gestures towards one of the beds,
“Come, sit.”
Kaylie listens, hoisting herself up and sitting on the edge. Cassandra seems to know exactly where everything is, despite them mostly having healers to deal with wounds. She thinks about the scars she has, and it would make sense that people like those that ran this place during the previous events wouldn’t be willing to have healers around. That was one of the things where Cassandra earned her respect. She wasn’t a coddled noble who cried when they scraped their knee or when someone said something they didn’t like. She was stronger than, better than that. People who never struggled would never understand, but she felt like Cassandra could. She couldn’t say for certain that was true, but it was enough. Cassandra returns to the bed with a handful of bandages, cotton and a small glass bottle. She pulls a small table next to the bed, then sits down next to her. Cassandra scrunches some of the cotton into little balls, and opens the bottle. Picking up one of the balls and tipping some of the bottle’s contents onto it.
“Give me one of your arms please.”
She holds out her hand expectantly, so Kaylie places her own hand in the waiting one.
Cassandra carefully rolls up Kaylie’s sleeves. Thankfully the cuts weren’t too deep or long, but they were still unpleasant and they stung like hell. Cassandra sighs and looks at her, a kind of disappointment on her face. That made Kaylie’s heart pang with guilt, she was expected to take care of herself and she failed. Drunken decision making isn’t her strong suit, especially when people are talking shit about someone she… cares for. She feels a strange impulse to apologise but holds it back. The cold, wet cotton is lightly wiped over one of the cuts on her arm and she flinches. Instead its Cassandra who apologises,
“Sorry- I should’ve warned you that it’s cold.”
“Yeah I uh, I figured it would sting but didn’t think about the cold.”
Cassandra stays quiet, and continues to gently clean Kaylie’s cuts. She touches so tenderly, Kaylie turns her gaze away from her arm and to Cassandra’s face. Her brows are furrowed again but this time in concentration, biting her bottom lip, a habit she has when she’s stressed… not that Kaylie knows that- she definitely hasn’t absentmindedly found herself watching Cass when others of Vox Machina tried to talk to her. Suddenly Cassandra’s ice blue eyes meet hers, if she notices Kaylie was staring she doesn’t mention it. She’s paused her cleaning for the moment, so she can speak with full attention,
“Why did you even get in a fight in the first place? You usually say you leave when one starts.”
She doesn’t. She says that so Cass doesn’t worry. She couldn’t run away from this one even if she wanted to cause she started it. She tries to formulate an excuse but keeps coming up empty, their silence growing awkward as she begins to avert her eyes. It would be embarrassing to admit that she started a full blown fight because someone was speaking badly of someone else, especially given Cassandra is the someone else.
“Kaylie?”
Cass sounds almost judgemental now, she elects to be difficult and lie.
“You’re assuming I was in one.”
“Please do not insult my intelligence. You don’t get such a combination of injuries by simply falling. Cuts I could understand but not the clear bruise on one spot on your jaw.”
There is the stubbornness she was considering earlier. She was not going to be able to avoid this forever, even after tonight Cassandra would not take no response. She didn’t want to upset her, but she also didn’t know whether telling her or not telling her would be worse. Kaylie looks away in shame, so Cassandra huffs, disappointed, and continues cleaning her cuts. There's another pang in her chest, she can lie to, and cheat and fight with anyone else, but not Cassandra. Cassandra hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Even when she had been rude and passive aggressive, drank their wine without checking or asking… Cassandra had been courteous. Not ‘nice’, but she didn’t speak cruelly to her. She extended her an understanding, even when she was displeased and ‘scolding’, for lack of a better term. It didn’t feel right to treat her in the same manner as all the others who’d wronged her in some way. It's Kaylie’s turn to sigh, this would haunt her if she didn’t come clean.
“I started this one.”
Immediately Cassandra stills. Slowly looking up at her again. Her face is blank. Kaylie can’t read it. She continues regardless,
“I… It was… Fuck, someone was saying awful things about you.”
“...What?”
“Some man… sitting with his friends. He was- ”
Kaylie drags her free hand over her own face. She can’t think of how much to tell her, what would be best to leave out. Would telling her hurt her? Would not knowing exactly what be worse? There’s an uncomfortable amount of noise and thoughts in Kaylie head and she-
“Kaylie… What was he saying…”
Cassandra’s face looked severe, that was all the answer Kaylie needed,
“He was speaking as though you were happy to be with the Briarwoods. Like you were thriving up here with them. He-”
She pauses, steeling herself,
“He called you the ‘Briarwoods’ bitch’.”
Now Cassandra looks like she may be sick. Instinctively Kaylie grabs her hand in her own, holding it tightly.
“I threw my glass at him after that. That’s what started the fight. I couldn’t stand the way he was speaking like he knew you, I felt like I had to do something to shut his fucking mouth.”
She feels Cassandra’s hand tighten on hers. Her breaths are coming heavy, Kaylie is afraid she might cry. She goes to hug her, hesitates, then forces herself to go through with it. She doesn’t normally do hugs, but this feels right. The bleeding has stopped by now at least or else she’d be staining Cassandra’s nightdress. Arms wrap tightly around her, Cassandra buries her face into Kaylie’s neck. Her voice comes in so small and quiet,
“Thank you.”
It catches Kaylie off guard. There wasn't really anything to thank her for, she'd started a bar fight cause she got pissed. Now she was taking up Cassandra’s time and keeping her awake longer than she might’ve been if she hadn’t found Kaylie. Still, Cassandra clings to her, and a feeling of warmth flutters to life deep in her chest.
“Thank you for what? I didn't really do anything other than start a fight and piss off a bar keep.”
“For not just listening I suppose. I… I can't say I didn't expect some to feel that way.”
The fluttering turns into a more vicious heat, that Cass would think that, in spite of her deserving no such treatment. Kaylie moves her arms to her sides again, holding loosely onto Cassandra’s.
“Cass, look at me.”
There are no tears in Cassandra’s eyes when she looks up at her, just the bone deep tiredness she’s grown used to seeing in her eyes. It gets to Kaylie, that look. It makes her wish that she could somehow take all of that tiredness and terror from Cass so that she might feel alright.
“I don’t know what you think you deserve, but I’m here to tell you, that whatever it is, you don’t. You were a child. You hear me? A child. You did what you needed to, to survive. Don’t carry that blame, cause that blame lies solely on the fuckers who did this to you.”
She puts her hand over Cass’ wrist to emphasise her point. Cassandra stays quiet. It wouldn’t be easy to convince her of her innocence, Kaylie is incredibly aware of that. Survivor’s guilt is a bitch and it is even worse when the things you had to do were terrible. Though she hopes that maybe she can still help, someone other than Percival or Vox Machina telling her might get through a bit better. Finally the other woman seems to find her words,
“I… I don’t know if I can agree with that sentiment, but I still appreciate it. Truly.”
Kaylie grits her teeth, she knew but it still hurts to hear the words come from her mouth. She tells herself it's okay, Cassandra is strong enough, smart enough, that she will… not overcome. That’s not the correct word to use, it doesn’t feel right. Kaylie knows that these types of strong feelings cannot be overcome, she doesn’t think she will ever be able to fully forgive Scanlan, to completely get rid of the anger that she feels towards him. However, if he truly tries and does better, she might be able to live with it, and to manage it. It would no longer control how she feels about him. One day Kaylie is sure that Cass’ guilt will no longer control how she feels about herself.
“You don’t have to. I know it’s true, and I’ll make sure you don’t take anything more or less than what you deserve, you hear me?”
Cassandra giggles softly, it’s a beautiful sound. Kaylie is aware she’s made her laugh more than anyone else who’s around her, Cass has been straightforward enough to say so, but gods… it still feels so special when she does. She never understood the cliche of wanting to bottle’s someone’s laugh until her, which in itself is a cliche that makes her cringe a little bit. Cassandra smiles, and leans forwards, Kaylies world comes to a stop. Lips press gently against her cheek, gentle and ladylike, and there is simply no stopping the blush that immediately spreads over her face. She can’t seem to find her words, which is wildly unlike her, she always has a witty comeback. Cassandra takes notice almost immediately.
“Kaylie? Are you alright?”
She chokes slightly before she manages to get the words out,
“I’m fine- I just-”
There’s no explanation that will not paint her into a corner. She likes Cassandra a great deal, love is a strong word that she’s afraid to use except for her mother. Still, she thinks this may be what it feels like in a romantic sense. Cass is now staring at her with a confused, incredibly amused expression on her face, and it makes her look so much younger. Maybe it just makes her look her age. Impulse says to just be honest, if she takes it terribly she can just avoid her. This damn castle is certainly big enough for that. Though she doesn’t get the feeling that Cassandra would be combative even if the interest wasn’t mutual. This is the thought that pushes her to swallow her pride and the fear, and just say it,
“I uh- I really like you. I hadn’t, fuck, still haven’t really, figured out how to tell you.”
Kaylie is now completely unable to read Cass’ face. Shock, she thinks, but she can’t get anything else. Cass is exceedingly good at hiding how she feels. She quickly continues to try and explain herself.
“You just seem so… put together and good. Like you deserve way better than me and my issues, I’ve been such a dick to you before and I-”
“I’m very fond of you as well, Kaylie.”
She stops dead in her tracks, words leaving her entirely. That wasn’t the response she was expecting, to say the least. The question in her mind now however is whether Cass means it in the same way that she does, or in the stuffy nobly way of saying ‘I appreciate your friendship’. She knows how to get that answer, but the thought is scarier than it should be, especially given she’s done the worst part already. She tells herself to suck it up. This almost felt embarrassing even though it was a private moment between the two of them. Cassandra is looking at her so tenderly now, Kaylie dares to gently hold the woman’s face in her hands. They stare into each other’s eyes, and she swallows hard,
“May- May I?”
Cassandra’s hands cover hers and she nods. So Kaylie leans, and Cass meets her halfway, with a kiss. It’s short, sweet, and soft. They press their forehead together, and Kaylie thinks again, this may be what love feels like. She has no idea where they’ll go from here, but she intends to treasure this moment no matter how it shapes up. Cass speaks first this time,
“If we’re going to… if this is going to be official, I would like to keep it between us, please. Something just for us.”
“I can do that. Something just for us.”
Something that didn’t have to be shared with dads or brothers or anyone else. A little sacred thing between them. Cassandra sits back, Kaylie puts her hands back in her lap, where the other woman takes them. The smile she was being given, made her sure she wanted this.
“Let me finish cleaning your arms, so we can go to bed.”
“Will you be able to sleep? I don’t wanna leave you alone.”
“I think I’ll be fine, eventually my mind yields to sleep.”
“What about the nightmares?”
“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
In an ideal world, there wouldn’t be nightmares for her to contend with at all. Unfortunately these aren’t things someone gets to choose, especially when it comes from a place of such pain. Saying she could stay with her all night feels a little too forward for something that’s just started, so Kaylie alters that offer just slightly,
“I could stay with you until you fall asleep maybe?”
Cass pauses as she readies another bundle of cotton, thinking before she replies. She doesn’t meet Kaylie’s eyes. Keeping hers fixed on the cotton she has clasped between her fingers.
“I would like that.”
So it is. Cassandra carefully cleans and wraps her arms, allowing Kaylie to put off that problem until tomorrow. It’s a very quiet process, both of them are tired. The adrenaline of the fight now having worn off, she feels her eyes growing heavy. She would wait with Cass until she had fallen asleep, find her own room, and pass the fuck out.