air beneath (my wings)

by fawns_and_freckles

Summary:

Felix has long held the title of Stray Kid's sunshine with little difficulty: flash a smile here, give a cuddle there, pretend that his fluster around Hyunjin isn't the fully blown crush it is.

But when an unidentified back pain and feelings of guilt start to plague him, he finds himself under a microscope of concern from his members. As he starts to learn more about the nature of his pain, he'll have to figure out how to keep more and more of his life a secret.

If only Felix could lie in slightest. If only his members didn't watch his every move. And if only Minho didn't have a sixth sense for trouble.

(an Angel Felix fic ft. everyone being whipped for Felix and Felix being terrible at feelings)

Notes:

Hi ! Welcome to my first official (read: published) fanfiction. This fandom has consumed me body mind and spirit, so really it was only a matter of time before I wrote something myself.

Very much not beta-read, so I very much apologize for any typos or misspellings. Hoping to update once weekly at least. The first chapter is quite long, but I figured it'd be better to lead with a bang.

Content warning for ED-thinking and language throughout! As of now, not going to deep into anything too dark, but definitely want to call it out so people don't get caught off guard!

I hope you enjoy !

Chapter 1: be there shining day and night

You don't get to keep a lot of secrets as an idol. If anything, secrets are a small, precious luxury, moments you carve out for yourself intentionally like fragile flowers prone to wilting. You tuck them away from the prying eyes of the press, of the fans, of the endless flow of managers and choreographers and staff and staff and staff . Secrets that are sometimes meaningless -- a useless, meaningless fib ( my favorite flavored tea is peach, when it’s actually mango), because even if you’ve shared so much of yourself with millions of people around the globe, it’s still nice to have that line in the sand. The difference between camera-and-stage you, and behind-closed-doors, watching-anime-and-eating-junk-food you. 

Of course, secrets rarely stay secret, and Felix considers himself to be more of an open book than closed. He can manage to keep some things a secret from the managers and the fans and even his family, thousands of miles and an ocean away -- and maybe if fate had truly punished him, and he’d debuted with a different group, he’d have learned to keep a secret or two from his members too. 

But, he was lucky. He debuted with Stray Kids. His family. 

Unfortunately, Stray Kids don’t seem to understand certain concepts. Like ‘privacy’ or ‘not being nosy to the point of it genuinely being spying’. 

It would be fine, except that his members are worriers, even if they all show it in different ways (Chan is just a dad at this point, whereas Jeongin’s concern comes in the form of gentle tease followed by a warm hug). So anytime Felix is feeling even slightly unwell, whether physically or mentally, it’s like the earth shifts off its axis for a couple minutes; it’s like his members can do nothing else but ensure that he is, in fact, okay. 

Stray Kid’s Sunshine. It’s a heavy title to carry, but for the most part, Felix hasn’t had to try much. Flash a smile here, lean into a cuddle there – when the cameras are around, it’s easy to play that role. It’s harder, though, when the members start to notice. For the most part, Felix has learned how to be sad in a way that doesn’t terrify them. Homesickness is always an easy excuse, and it’s always a little true. Stress about comebacks, promotions, tours is another easy go-to, because they all understand the way that pressure can wear a person down. 

Except that things are starting to pile up in a way Felix hasn’t experienced since the survival show. A needling, perseverent pressure that has him ricocheting between sad and need to snappy and mean. Sometimes, he wishes he was able to be upset and stressed and frustrated -- and most of all angry -- without having to fix it for the sake of the others. 

He finds the control in little ways, in little lies, in moments of pain. But even that seems to be a problem for his members, because Felix is their sunshine, and when he doesn’t shine quite as bright, they tend to notice.  

Chan’s number one rule, above all else, is honesty, but Felix thinks that Chan isn't prepared for full honesty, not from Felix. Felix doesn’t outright lie -- he’s too bad at lying anyways -- but he has to protect the members from a tsunami of Felix-feelings; and maybe he has to protect himself just a little bit too. He had thought he was succeeding. 

But now Minho is staring him down across the breakfast table ( why is he even in their apartment right now? ) with eyes like question marks. 

“Yongbok-ah,” his hyung sing-songs. 

“Minho-hyung,” Felix echoes a bit brattily. His voice is at its deepest, still rough with sleep; even after all these years of close quarters, Minho still huffs a small laugh of surprise, then flicks Felix in the head. “Ow!” 

“Disrespect so early in the morning?” 

“Never,” Felix grumbles. “Why are you here? I mean - ow, hyung! - I mean why have you graced us with your presence at such an early hour?” 

Minho chuckles and ruffles Felix’s hair fondly. The fans have picked up on, and the members themselves have voiced, that Felix is Minho’s fourth cat, and while a part of Felix thinks he should be a bit put off at being reduced to a pet, he adores it. All of the maknae line seemingly have their parental protector. Jisung is Chan’s first kid through and through, Changbin and Seungmin have something so beautifully special if not at times chaotic, and Hyunjin wants to wrap Jeongin in a blanket and hide him from the whole world. 

And Minho wants to constantly care for Felix, so tenderly and softly and gently that Felix thinks his heart may burst if he thinks about it too much. 

“Your back is hurting,” Minho says, “and you’ve been hiding it.” 

Felix winces, because his poker face is nonexistent. “I haven’t been hiding it,” he says slowly. 

“Well you haven’t told anyone.” 

“I told my PT!” Felix insists. 

Not a lie. Not a full truth either. The back spasms, the shooting pain, the usual yet horrible complications of a herniated disc -- he shared them all with his PT, even texts his PT after particularly rough rehearsals to make sure he doesn’t forget the intensity or duration of the pain from its occurrence to his next appointment. But last week, a different type of pain began, not low in his back and down his legs, as he’s been used to, but sharp, hot, and prickly along his shoulders. 

Felix googled, an arguably terrible idea, and a hobby that Chan has rather sternly forbidden them from engaging in (after Jisung fully convinced himself that his headache and neck pain was bacterial meningitis and not, in fact, from wrestling with Changbin over the last slice of pizza). But he figured that it would be permitted, since he had a diagnosis to go off in the first place. 

However, ‘ hot prickle pain + herniated disc’ didn’t garner a lot of results, and removing the last two words gave him too many options. And maybe he should be more worried, but the pain seems truly skin deep, and he’d rather spend his precious moments of free time with the Kids or dissociating in front of his gaming laptop, not waiting at a clinic just to find out their new brand of laundry detergent is irritating his skin. 

“I did, hyung,” Felix juts out his lower lip and widens his eyes to full boba potential. Minho is so incredibly easy, because he only hums in response. 

Felix takes the out and drifts to the fridge before Minho can ask anymore questions. It’s … sparse. There are ingredients for brownies and cookies, a bag of produce that is so sprouted that whatever it originally was is a mystery, and a wall of energy drinks. Felix sighs and grabs corn silk tea. Their schedules are packed in anticipation of their next leg of tours, and fashion week is coming up. He can’t gain weight right now. 

“You should have more than just that,” Minho nods at the drink. Felix sighs and takes a sip. 

“I’ll have water too, I swear.” 

“And what about actual food, Bbokie?” 

“I don’t get hungry in the mornings, you know that, hyung,” Felix pouts. It’s not even a lie. When he thinks about eating before noon, he feels like he has a stomach full of snakes, and he’d rather not hurl all over the rehearsal room floor in front of everyone. 

“Have a protein shake,” Minho says dryly. 

“Don’t have any,” Felix shrugs innocently. Minho’s eyes narrow further. 

“Ask Changbin for one. He’d give you the moon if you hinted at wanting it.” 

“Hyuuung,” Felix moans dramatically. “I don’t want a protein shake. I’m tired.” 

“Hyunjinnie won’t like it,” Minho tacks on. It’s a low blow, and Minho grins like the Cheshire cat. “Oh so if he was here you’d listen?” 

Felix’s worst kept secret. He doesn’t even bother trying to deny the implied accusation.

“Hyunjin would never wake up this early,” Felix grumbles. 

“The disrespect,” Minho tuts. 

“Felix is being disrespectful?” Seungmin appears like a phantom over Minho’s shoulder. Felix jumps, but Minho only nods, like he’d sensed him approaching. 

“I fear you’ve corrupted him.” 

Seugmin snorts and grabs an energy drink from the fridge -- Innie got him hooked back at the cuties dorm -- and slouches next to Felix. Minho gasps. “You’re both adult men. Please, please, for the wellbeing of your lovely hyung, tell me that you don’t actually come to schedules with only energy drinks and tea in your systems.” 

“Of course not,” Seungmin says. “Sometimes we get donuts on the way.” 

“And we’re banned from using the kitchen,” Felix points out, then nods to the poster that has been duct-taped to their cabinets. A cartoon drawing, Hyunjin-created, of course, of a chibi-Seungmin and Felix (donning puppy and cat ears respectively) holding skillets consumed in flames. Please don’t cook again! Love Chan is written underneath in Chan’s handwriting. 

Unless it’s cookies or brownies , Hyunjin had added. Felix wonders if Chan knows about the secondary line. Then again, his hyung is notoriously weak for just-baked chocolate chip cookies.

“It wasn’t even that big of a fire,” Seungmin says bitterly. 

“You were heating up water,” Minho deapans. “You shouldn’t have been able to set anything on fire in the first place. And your own stupidity is not an excuse to skin meals, you could always get prepared food.”  

“With all the spare time we have,” Seungmin raises a brow. Minho sighs. 

“Well, that’s why I’m here. To make sure you monsters actually eat something. We’re doing a full rehearsal of the concert today, and if either of you faint, I will kill you, got it?” 

It’s a bit weighted, and definitely directed at Felix more than Seungmin. Given the way Seungmin’s gaze flickers towards him, Felix knows they’re remembering  the first time he passed out from not taking care of himself. 

“Got it?” Minho prods. 

“Yes, hyung,” Felix and Seungmin answer in sync, just shy of bratty. Still, Minho flicks them both on the forehead, then smooths out Felix’s hair as if in apology. 

“Stop corrupting our Angel,” Minho hisses at Seungmin. 

“He’s got you wrapped around his finger,” Seugmin snorts. Minho doesn’t even deny it. 

“Something light?” Felix asks hopefully. “I have a shoot for LV in a couple weeks.” 

“Lix,” Seungmin frowns. 

“I know,” Felix shrugs. “I’ll eat, I swear, I just … I want to look -” 

“I’d stop talking if I were you,” Minho chides from where he now stands in the kitchen, unloading ingredients from a tote bag onto the counter. Felix sighs but obeys. His intake has always been a point of contention for, well, everyone. Only Innie seemed somewhat sympathetic,  confessing that he too cut food when he wanted to look a bit sharper, which horrified Felix enough that he stopped discussing his diets out of fear that their maknae would follow in his wake. He still gets panicky, though, when he can tell that he’s filling out -- he thinks it might be Stockholm syndrome, memories of Lenten fasting, which bleed into memories of trainee days. When they get busy, especially when both the group and Felix himself have packed schedules, he feels a modicum of comfort in just a bit of control. 

The anxiety must be playing on his face, because Minho visibly softens. “Eggs and vegetables with broth, yeah Bbokie? Light but with protein, it’ll keep you feeling good.” 

Felix beams. “Thank you, hyung.” 

“You’re going to kill him with that smile,” Seungmin murmurs. 

“Like you’re much better!” Minho yells. “Go get changed, food will be ready soon, and we have a big day ahead of us.” 

Felix and Seungmin rise, jostling each other on their ways down the hall. Felix reaches instinctively for a hoodie and shorts, but hesitates, opting for a loose tank top and sweatpants instead. He hopes that the lighter and less expansive fabric will prevent the poking and prickling across his skin, and he rubs a hand along the exposed skin of his shoulder and the tops of his rib cage, trying to figure out if the prickles feel more or less severe like this. 

Minho watches them eat like a mother cat; then he accompanies Seungmin and Felix down to the cars but announces that Jisung is surely dragging his feet, and that he needs to go fetch him if they’re going to leave anywhere close to on time. Seungmin mimes gagging at the fondness in Minho’s voice when leaves.

“They’re cute,” Felix elbows his roommate in the ribs. 

“Your pronunciation needs work,” Seungmin snorts. “I think you meant ‘gross’. C’mon, let’s wait in the car, I’m cold.” 

“Me too,” Felix grumbles. 

“Yeah, that happens when you only wear a tank top,” Seungmin notes. Sure enough, the ten yard walk to the company vehicle sends goosebumps racing up Felix’s spine, and it’s like he can feel every single one of them in pin-prick pain. “You okay?” Seungmin asks when Felix winces. 

“J-just cold,” he says. 

Not a lie. 

They settle into the back seat just as Changbin and Hyunjin exit the building. Felix hates the way he perks up. 

“Obvious,” Seungmin mumbles. 

“Obnoxious,” Felix mumbles back, because he’s not good at lying, and if Seungmin cupped his hands on each of Felix’s cheeks and forced their eyes to meet before asking about Hyunjin, the truth would be as plain on his cheeks as his freckles. 

“You like him,” Jisung had said casually, a year after debut, on a rare night where they had soju and blessed hours of free time. 

“Of course I do, he’s Hyunjin,” Felix responded. 

Jisung had taken the drink out of Felix’s hand, linked their fingers, and leveled him with a very serious stare. 

“You know what I mean. You like him in a ‘more than friends’ way.” 

Felix had sighed, looked back at Hyunjin, who was pinching Jeongin on the cheeks. “Of course I do,” he repeated more softly. “He’s Hyunjin.” 

It’s his most obvious secret, even if some of the others (aka, anyone besides Jisung) probably don’t realize how deep those feelings go. This isn’t pre-debut Felix taking every opportunity to squeeze Chanbin’s muscles, or admire the way Chan filled out his black t-shirts. 

“Lixie, you look so pretty!” Changbin announces as soon as he opens the car door. 

“Hyung, you’re letting the cold in!” Seungmin whines. Changbin jumps inside quickly, whereas Hyunjin practically tumbles into his seat. 

“He’s still asleep,” Changbin announces in a comically loud whisper. 

“But he can still hear you,” Hyunjin grumbles. Like Felix, his voice goes gravelly in the mornings, but whereas Felix’s voice is always deep, the difference is much starker with Hyunjin. He swears that Seungmin turns to watch him blush. “He would also like to request again that we hide pillows and blankets in the cars.”

“It’s not even that early, Jin,” Changbin tuts. 

“Here, Hyune,” Felix says, grabbing his dance bag and shoving it forward. Hyunjin finally lifts his head -- his features soft with sleep -- and grins. 

“My Angel, the only one I can count on.” 

“That’s not true,” Felix says. Or, rather, squeaks. 

“Very true,” Hyunjin insists. He positions the bag against the side of the door and somehow manages to tuck all those long, sinewy limbs into a half-curled position. “A literal angel.” 

“Alright, before Hyunjin proposes-” 

Felix chokes, then pretends he’d been taking a sip of his tea. Changbin slaps a hand against his back and continues. 

“-we should head out. Apparently Innie can’t find his shoes even though he literally has a hundred and Jisung is being, to quote Minho, ‘difficult’.” 

“They’d better not be hooking up,” Hyunjin mumbles. 

“They’re definitely hooking up,” Seungmin sighs. 

“Hannie’s usually in a good mood after they do, and we have a long day ahead of us,” Changbin says as the driver pulls away from their building. “Not the worst thing that could happen today. Did you two eat?” 

“Yes, hyung,” Seungmin and Felix drawl, grinning sideways at each other. 

“Ah, Bbokie, where did my sweet dongsaeng go?” 

 Seungmin groans. “Seriously, how did he trick all of you! If you heard half the words that come out of his mouth when he’s gaming, you’d all up and die like a bunch of grannies.” 

“Me?” Felix presses a hand against his chest, bats his eyelashes on double time. “I would never!” 

“Someone save me,” Seungmin slaps a palm against the window at the cars flying by. “Take me away from this dysfunctional family.” 

“Nope, not allowed,” Felix shakes his head, and to be extra annoying, crawls over the middle seat to cuddle into Seungmin’s side. “You would cry forever and ever and ever and-” 

“Please, anyone, take me away-” 

“-and ever and ever and-” 

“Shit!” 

The driver’s yell is sharp, like a screech of a violin, and Felix stops just a beat before the chaos. Stops just long enough to see the car in the opposite lane swerve towards there’s, towards the passenger seat and the right side of the car and-

“Hyunjin!” Felix yells. It’s like time slows down for a second, because everything else is syrupy slow motion, and yet Felix sees his hands dart through the bars of the headrest, feels every prickle of pain against his back as he wraps his fingers in Hunjin’s hoodie and yanks him to the left, towards an open-mouthed Changbin, watches as Hyunjin begins to turn, eyes that were crinkled with exhaustion now rimmed in shocked white towards Felix-

And then there’s an awful crunch of metal, and a jolt at the car hits theirs. The seatbelt around Felix’s shoulders pulls him back against the seat, and he winces at the scraping sensation of leather against his bare shoulder blades, but there’s no other pain. The driver hisses curse after curse as he yanks the wheel sideways, then the other way, and then, with a singing of brakes, slows to a stop. 

Felix waits, but there’s no pain. He didn’t hit his head, and his limbs are intact. Seungmin is practically in the trunk, but he looks uninjured as well. 

“Are you okay? Guys, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin whispers. “Shit, yeah. I’m okay.”

“Me too,” Hyunjin says. “Holy- Lix saved me.” 

The entire passenger seat is crumpled in. Thank God, Felix thinks, no one sat there, thank God they left before anyone else could join. The seat that Hyunjin had been sitting in, though -- the window is shattered, and a metal spoke has impaled dangerously close to where his head had been resting on the glass. On Felix’s dance bag. 

Suddenly, an image takes over in his head. The what-if -- the metal rod piercing Hyunjin’s skull, a spray of blood. The dimming of eyes. The lolling of a bleeding head-

Felix’s heart is going to explode in his chest -- that is if his lungs don’t cave in first. The image won’t go away, won’t stop. 

“Lix? Are you okay?”

“I think he’s in shock.” 

“Let’s get out- Seungmin, help him.” 

Felix blinks, but the image won’t leave him. He feels hands wrap around his wrists and allows himself to be tugged up and over the seats in front of him, out into the frigid cold. 

Hyunjin almost died. Hyunjin. Almost died. 

Hyunjin. 

“Lixie, c’mon, please say something.” 

When he blinks again, he no longer sees the horrible image of blood and death, but brown eyes, bent down, filled with concern but also life. Warm hands cup either side of his face, long fingers brush his bangs away from his eyes, behind his ears. 

“Baby, Angel, c’mon-” 

Pain ripples up his back. The fingers move from his cheeks to his waist. 

“Hyung, I think he might be hurt. Did he hurt his back, Minnie?” 

“I don’t think so, but you know how his back is-” 

“You’re alive,” Felix finally whispers. He blinks again and it’s like the world crashes on top of him, sensations of cold, wind, warm at his waist; rushing cars as they pass, distant sirens growing closer. And of course, warm brown eyes, a mole he wants to kiss. “Oh my God, you’re okay.” 

Hyunjin nods and pulls back to his full height. Felix wants to drag him back, to crush himself against Hyunjin’s body. He’s warm -- they’ve cuddled thousands of times at this point -- and the morning chill feels like knives against his bare skin. 

“Thanks to you I’m okay,” Hyunjin says. Felix turns to study the Changbin and Seungmin, but they seem unhurt. 

“We’re fine too, Sunshine,” Changbin smiles softly, but he looks shaken nonetheless, an arm wrapped protectively around Seungmin’s shoulders. 

“We should tell the others,” Hyunjin says. 

“Already on it,” their Driver calls. 

“Thank you for getting us out of that,” Changbin says.  The driver flushes and his frown deepens. 

“I didn’t prevent us from getting hit. That could have been … really bad.” 

“That other car was out of control,” Seungmin says. 

Suddenly, Felix’s pocket vibrates. He pulls his phone out -- it’s a stupid ringtone, a chorus of cartoonish meow to a song he thinks might be from an anime. 

“Minho-hyung,” he tells the others, then answers the phone on speaker. “Hi, hyung-” 

“Are you all okay?” Minho cuts him off. 

“Changbin isn’t answering his phone,” Chan’s voice comes, sounding slightly further away than Minho. “Oh God, Lix-” 

“We’re all okay, no one’s hurt,” Felix cuts off their leader. He can hear the raw panic in Chan’s voice, and it makes him want to scream. “I mean … is the other driver-”

Felix takes a step back to look at the other car. Then he gasps. 

The front window is shattered; a body lays half in the car, half on the dashboard. The driver’s head is lolled to the side, a seeping pool of dark red slowly dripping across the silver --

“Oh my God-” 

“Don’t look,” Hyunjin says quickly, pulling Felix against his chest and gently taking his phone at the same time. Felix doesn’t fight it, just presses his face against the junction of Hyunjin’s shoulder and inhales the fresh scent of him. Bile rises in his throat, and he digs his nails into his palms to keep from vomiting. He hears Hyunjin speaking quietly above his head. “Sorry, Channie-hyung. It, um, it doesn’t look good for the other driver and Felix just … saw.” 

Felix whimpers. 

“Aw, Lix,” Chan says quietly. “Listen, we’re on our way to you guys, we can pick you up and head to the building together. I don’t care what the managers say, we’re not rehearsing today. We can hang out in the studio and pretend to be productive-” 

“I can dance,” Felix murmurs against Hyunjin. He feels Hyunjin look down in surprise. “I mean, if you’re saying that because of me -- I didn’t hurt my back--” 

“None of us should dance today,” Minho cuts him off. “We’re all a little scared. That’s how injuries happen.” 

It’s because of me, Felix thinks traitorously, but he can’t deny the truth behind Minho’s words. He is shaky enough, and half his weight is being held up by Hyunjin. He can’t stop thinking about the other driver, about the blood, but he also can’t stop thinking about if it had been Hyunjin. 

His body shivers and jolts as he bites down a sob. Hyunjin pulls Felix tighter against him. 

“We’ll be there in five, okay? Bin, can you tell the driver?” Chan says. 

“On it.” 

“See you soon,” Hyunjin says. Felix hears the soft beep of the call ending, then feels the weight of his phone as Hyunjin slips it back into his sweatpants pocket. “You okay?” 

“Mm-hmm,” he hums; he doesn’t trust his voice. He pulls back and turns his head towards the other car-

“Angel, stop,” Hyunjin pulls him away; it doesn’t stop Felix from catching another glimpse of red-blood-oh God-

“Sorry,” Felix gasps. “I didn’t-”

“You’re okay,” Changbin says. Seungmin appears at Felix’s shoulder, the warmth of him comforting. He’s been quiet too, Felix thinks. He must be scared. Felix loops their arms together, and it’s telling that his roommate doesn’t pretend to fight the contact. 

He closes his eyes and pretends he’s anywhere else, but the sirens grow louder and louder, and the images of Hyunjin, dead in the car, mixed with the red dashboard of the other, prevent him from being anywhere but exactly where he is. After what feels like a freezing-cold agony, Changbin clears his throat. 

“The others are here,” he says. “Let’s go before the ambulance blocks us in. Lix, I’ll get your bag.” 

They spot the other van easily -- the mammoth black vehicles are always standard, always nondescript, but familiar. Felix lets Hyunjin guide himself and Seungmin towards the side of the road as the van pulls to the side. Suddenly, Felix feels very frightened to enter the vehicle. 

“Do we have to,” he whispers to no one. Hyunjin hears him, though and cocks his head. “Do we have to get in a car?” 

“We can’t really walk,” Seungmin answers. 

“It’ll be okay,” Hyunjin promises. 

“Oh my God, you’re okay.” 

The passenger door opens before the van has even come to a stop, and Chan tumbles out. He wraps them all into a hug; Felix finds himself in the middle, the skin on his back stinging as Changbin’s jacket brushes against him. He doesn’t care, though. The enclosed sense of comfort sets ever muscle in his body at ease. He hears the sound of car doors closing, and the press of what he knows are three additional bodies. 

“I told you guys to stay in the car,” Chan says. 

“Like hell,” Jisung’s voice says. 

“Brats,” Chan mumbles. 

“Hyung, are you crying?” Seungmin asks, but his voice is tremulous and thick too. Felix finds his hand in the tangle of limbs and squeezes it. 

“Oh shush,” Chan sniffles. “The manager who called us wasn’t able to tell us anything, just that the driver said there had been an accident. We were in the dark for only a couple minutes, but it was…” 

“We’re okay,” Felix murmurs, but even he can hear that he sounds anything but. Chan's arms sneak into the center of their circle and find Felix alone. He lets his body melt against Chan’s -- the gesture so familiar that he feels tears sting his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Chan asks against Felix’s hair. Felix nods. 

“We need to go, kids,” the driver of the other van calls. 

“We are kind of standing in the road,” Innie mumbles. “Oof, Hyunjin-hyung you’re going to squeeze me to death-”

“No,” Felix says sharply. The vitriol in his voice shocks him, and apparently the others, because the circle widens. “Sorry, I just mean -- you’re not allowed to … die?”

Innie glances from Hyunjin to Felix and back again. “Sorry, Lix, I didn’t-”

“Don’t apologize, Innie,” Felix whimpers. “I’m sorry, I just feel …” 

“We know,” Chan says softly. “Let’s get in the car.” 

It’s a tight squeeze, but Felix doesn’t mind when he’s squished between Minho and Jisung. He immediately leans his head against Jisung’s chest and sighs. 

“You’re shivering,” Minho says softly. He shrugs out of his hoodie. “Sit up.” 

Felix doesn’t fight it. He is freezing, and Minho’s hoodies always smell like him. However, when the fabric moves against his back, the skin feels like it’s been burnt. 

“Ow!” he hisses. The van freezes. 

“Are you hurt?” Chan reals in the passenger seat. 

“Is it your back,” Minho says. 

“You didn’t hit your head, right?” Jisung immediately begins brushing the blonde locks back. 

“I’m fine, you guys,” Felix says, but the poking and prodding doesn’t stop. He laughs, a shocked bubble of almost-crying but not quite. “Sorry, you’re just … you’re just-”

“Just what?” Chan whispers anxiously. 

“You’re just such mother hens!” 

That drags a snort out of Seungmin, and then Innie, because the three youngest live to tease the oldest members. 

“See Kim Seungmin,” Minho says. “This is what I mean about corrupting our Yongbokkie.” 

“Hey hyung,” Felix says quietly. “Thank you.” 

“And this,” Seungmin leans forward, “is what I mean about him being a manipulative brat.” 

“Lix-ah isn’t manipulative,” Hyunjin says. “He saved me. He’s an angel.”

Felix’s skin tingles again. 

“He pulled me out of the way of the car. If he hadn’t…” 

Red, blood, Hyunjin, gone-

“Stop,” Felix says softly. Oh God, his eyes are definitely stinging now. “I… I can’t imagine what would have happened…” 

The car hits a bump; this time, Felix swallows down the scrape of pain on his back. 

“Well, you’re all okay,” Changbin says with finality. “Except maybe Chan-hyung. I think he lost five years of his life when he got the call.” 

“Oof, at his age he can’t afford that,” Seungmin says. 

“Brats, all of you,” Chan nods. 

---

By the time they make it to the company building and settle into the studio, Felix is far less shaky but ten times more exhausted. It doesn’t feel like he’s only been awake for an hour and a half, but rather for two days. Changbin and Minho quickly disperse to get drinks and snacks, while Chan and Jisung lazily pretend to review tracks. The background noise of anonymous beats and quiet speaking makes Felix sink into a Felix-puddle right there on the couch. Hyunjin seems more than amenable to being used as a pillow, and Seungmin seems perfectly delighted to waggle his eyebrows at Felix when he notices. 

Minho offers Felix a cup of hot chocolate -- and it’s a testament to Felix’s exhaustion when he doesn’t even pretend to worry about his diet. The others got coffee, which Felix thinks is insane, though he supposes the extra caffeine is likely as necessary to them as it would be to him. 

“You can sleep,” Hyunjin’s voice rumbles down to Felix’s ears. 

“Just woke up,” Felix mumbles sleepily. 

“I think that given the day we’ve had, you can sleep,” Hyunjin chuckles. Felix relaxes back against the couch, his head in Hyunjin’s lap, and looks up at his friend. Hyunjin is so painfully beautiful. Once, Felix (drunkenly) said it outloud, and Hyunjin had simply smiled. Lix, you’re like the sun when it comes to being pretty. 

And stupid, drunk Felix said. Then you're the moon.

It was romantic, too close to a confession, but either Hyunjin had been also drunk and hadn’t given it thought, or he’d been kind enough to never bring it up again. 

Felix feels like the sun sometimes -- like he burns bright and hot but so endlessly. Like he feels everything at the apex of feeling itself, and it just never stops. 

And Hyunjin … Hyunjin feels everything, but he diffuses it so poetically. He takes ideas and concepts and emotions and philosophies and wraps them in beautiful words. 

He’s not immune to feelings by any means. Hyunjin is dramatic all day, everyday. And now, with one hand playing traitorously in Felix’s hair, Felix can see the tension in his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly. 

“Of course,” Hyunjin says. Felix raises and eyebrow and Hyunjin’s hand stops moving. “I mean, no? Like, I’m physically completely fine.”

“You know that’s not what I was asking,” Felix says, starting to sit up, but Hyunjin pushes him back down gently. 

“Stay, I feel better having you close.” 

Felix thinks he might combust on the spot; Hyunjin clearly doesn’t know what his words do to people, least of all Felix, but he relaxes into the hold anyways. 

“It was scary,” Hyunjin says finally, once he has Felix wrapped in his arms again. “I just … I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t pulled me out of the way. I mean, how did you even realize what was happening? That car was moving really fast.” 

Felix shakes his head and picks at his nails. He can’t seem to recall anything other than the moment of horrible fear, the what-ifs had he not pulled Hyunjin to safety, and the blood on the other car.

“I must have had a good vantage point,” Felix shrugs. 

Hyunjin’s arms tighten and he rocks Felix back and forth until the smaller boy snorts. “You saved me! My hero!” 

Felix winces when his back burns again. It’s been more pervasive today than any other day, but thankfully Hyunjin doesn’t notice. 

But his members are nosy. Too nosy. 

“Lix?” Jisung asks. Felix mentally groans. 

“Your back again?” Minho jumps on of course.  

“I’m fine,” Felix says. 

“That’s the fourth time you’ve winced today,” Minho pushes with a frown. Felix can’t quite hold back a scoff. 

“Are you counting?”

Minho’s eyes narrow. “When it comes to your wellbeing? I’ll do more than count.” 

It’s objectively one of the nicest things anyone has said to Felix, and yet the words twist and snarl in his guts. He feels the prickle in his back expand as he becomes aware that every member is staring at him like he’s about to break. 

“Felix, mate, you know Minho just cares about you,” Chan says calmly, and Felix has to fight the urge to groan. CHan is using his ‘leader’ voice, the one that ranges from I’m disappointed in you to we need to have a difficult conversation and one of us is probably going to cry. 

“And I’m telling him that I’m fine,” Felix tries to make his voice sound calm and even, but the inklings of frustration manage to seep through anyway. 

“Bbokie, calm down-” Changbin begins. Felix cuts him off. 

“I am calm! I would be more calm if you weren’t all looking at me like I was about to break!” 

That gets Chan moving -- up from his chair, with his face growing stonier, and down to a couch so that he’s a bit lower than Felix. 

“You didn’t see your face after the crash, Lix. I understand that you might be feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, done with the day, but you don’t get to choose how or when people care about you. You can ask -- keywork ask -- Minho and the rest of us to stop asking you questions, but you can’t tell us to stop worrying about you. Hmm?” 

Felix’s chest is doing funny things -- his breaths are picking up speed, the frustrations burning into a brighter, actual anger, but his stomach is swooping with guilt and shame. Felix is used to guilt and shame -- often accompanied by a phantom smell of incense, a no-longer-there imprint of church pews on his kneecaps -- but the anger is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. 

“Hmm?” Chan prods again. Felix thinks about speaking, but his throat feels tight, and he’s not sure if what will come out will be another snarky reply or a wail, so he just nods tightly. “I’m going to ask you one time and I need you to tell the truth -- is your herniated disc feeling worse than usual?” 

Felix sighs in relief and shakes his head, because this one he can be very truthful about. “No, it really doesn’t. It feels the same as it has the past few days, which is fine .” 

Chan exhales then and claps a hand on Felix’s knee. “I believe you, and I’m not going to ask you again, okay? At least for today. But you have to promise that if anything changes, you will say something?” 

“Of course I will,” Felix murmurs. 

“You’d better mean that,” Minho chimes in. He’s sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed, expression tight and pinched, and Felix hates that he caused that iciness. “I know you, Bbokie; you are like a cat that hides its injuries. You can’t do that to me-to us.” 

Felix nods. When he swallows, the lump in his throat is still there, though much more familiar, and tears immediately spring to his eyes. “I’m sorry, Minho-hyung.” 

I’m sorry that I forget to be sunshine sometimes. 

“It’s okay,” Minho says with a small smile. “How about we go run through placement for some of the dances. It’s a little stuffy in here.” 

“Yes please,” Felix says. “Jin?” 

“Of course,” Hyunjin says. Felix offers him his hand and Hyunjin makes a big show of groaning himself upright; Felix appreciates the distraction, because his outburst is now curdling into a shameful, hot ball in his stomach. 

“Don’t work too hard, I’ve told the managers that we’re heading home early to rest,” Chan says, already back at his laptop. He turns over his shoulder and grins in the Cheshire cat way that makes his dimples pop. “They don’t need to know that rest includes movie night, delivery, and soju.” 

“Yes!” Innie pumps his fist. 

“Thanks, Channie,” Felix murmurs shyly. Chan’s grin softens but his eyes seem to twinkle even more. 

“ Of course, mate. ” Chan says in english. 

“Let’s go, my little kittens,” Minho prompts with a tug on their sleeves. Just before the studio door closes behind them, Felix hears Jisung say: “Minho mother cat theory confirmed.” 

They obey Chan (a shocking feat) and truly stick to marking combinations, and Felix finds that the rote shuffling of movement helps to ground him. Soon enough, the trembles stop racking his body, and by the half hour mark, not even his fingertips are shaking. He shrugs out of Minho’s jacket and folds it neatly on top of his dance bags. 

The only thing that hasn’t improved is the prickling in his back. Having the extra layer away from his skin helps, but Felix can swear that even the brush of air is irritating him. It doesn’t hurt, per se, but it itches. Once, he instinctively reaches a hand around his back and scratches, but the ensuing burn is so sharp that he has to bite his tongue to keep from reacting. Thankfully, Minho and Hyunjin don’t seem to notice, and he is all too relieved when Innie bursts in minutes after announcing that they’ve been given the okay to head back to the dorms. 

When Minho and Hyunjin lead the way out of the practice room, Felix spares a glance over his shoulder at the mirror. 

The skin on his back is red, and angry. 

Felix swallows, forces Minho’s hoodie over his shoulders, and turns off the light. 

Notes:

Welp! That's the first chapter. Poor Felix, I have very much been torturing him in the other chapters I've written so far. All comments & kudos are more appreciated than you could ever know ~

Chapter 2: dying to live for greatness

Summary:

Felix is totally fine. So what if his back feels like it's on fire and he keeps getting angry for no reason?

He's going to be completely and totally fine.

If only anyone believed him.

Notes:

Well, I'm still awaiting the Ao3 curse to strike, but in the interim, why not post another chapter?

Thank you very much for the kudos & comments !! They've kept me feeling almost as sunshiney as Felix.

TW: more intense discussion of ED/ED behaviors.

The company gives them the night, and that’s it. Felix wonders what would have happened if one of them was injured -- would they have been given two days off instead of one? If time hadn’t slowed down, if Felix hadn’t reacted as quickly as he did, and if Hyunjin had died, would they have been allowed to pause their comebacks?

“You look like someone poured cyanide into your … ew, cornsilk tea?” Jisung flops next to Felix during one of their breaks and examines his drink with a sneer. 

“Healthier than energy drinks,” Felix grumbles. Jisung’s sneer morphs into a pout. 

“I hate that you do that, you know,” he puts the drink to the side and wraps his arms around Felix’s shoulders. The movement stings but Felix has grown accustomed to the pain over the five days since the accident. 

“I know,” Felix grumbles again. 

A part of him worries that he’s taking the diet a bit too far, but after the accident and with the increase of his pain, he’s leaned into the modicum of control he can achieve; unfortunately, that control has come about in skipped breakfasts as well as painfully bland lunches and dinners of lean chicken and vegetables. He knows he’s getting enough calories ( barely );  this isn’t like debut, where every pound lost was like finding a piece of solid ground beneath his feet. This is like lent, like fasting for a purpose. He remembers when he would give up chocolate and cake and all things sweet, and he’d feel so achingly proud of himself, so much stronger, to the point that the notion of eating made him feel legitimately sick. 

He’s just not exactly sure why that feeling is manifesting in late spring, long after lent and Easter. 

Maybe he should call his therapist again. 

“Minho is going to say something to you,” Jisung sighs. 

Felix sighs back. “Yeah, I figured.” 

“Alright, let’s go again,” the man in question claps his hands. The kids all groan and Minho hisses back. “Come on, lazy bums, we’ve got rehearsals in forty-two hours, and half of you are still stumbling on transitions.” 

“Minho-hyung, it’s two am,” Seungmin pouts. 

“Three more run throughs,” Minho says, expression softening. “I know we’re tired, but if we can tighten this up, we can sleep in a little tomorrow.” 

“Oh wow,” Changbin deadpans. “We can wake up at seven instead of six.” 

“It’s something,” Hyunjin shrugs. Felix watches Hyunjin unfurl from the floor like a spider. He looks exhausted, but he still flashes Felix a smile. 

“Come on,” Jisung stands and holds a hand, which Felix takes. He shrugs off the towel that has been collecting sweat for the last five hours. Tank tops have become his new best friend -- not tight ones, like the ones Hyunjin wears (and subsequently make Felix salivate in a response nothing short of Pavlovian), but barely-there, oversized swaths of breathable fabric that do very little to cover his body, and simultaneously do less to irritate his skin. 

His skin, which has become somehow more red over the last several days. His skin, which Chan keeps frowning at. 

“Did you get a sunburn somehow?” He’d asked two days ago. 

“Huh?” Felix has said to buy time. Chan had reached a finger out and poked at his side, and Felix hadn’t had time to prepare himself, thus eliciting a sharp hiss of pain. 

“I must have taken too hot of a shower,” Felix had lied. 

“Um, don’t do that?” Chan had chuckled, but Felix was never a good liar, so Chan raises a prompting brow. 

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Felix had said truthfully, and Chan nodded. 

“Could be the detergent you guys are using. Maybe try a different brand for a few days.”

Felix had agreed, but he’s tried switching detergent two days before and it hadn’t helped an iota. He’ll have to suffer through long sleeves soon, or Chan will start to get suspicious. 

“From the top,” Minho announces, ripping Felix from his thoughts. Felix positions himself to the right of Changbin and, when Minho adds “all out”, schools his face into a sharp glare. The ‘Stage Felix’. 

They make it through the first song and the first transition with ease. The exhaustion in Felix’s bones gives way to adrenaline, the familiar triumph that accompanies a move well executed, a grin exchanged with one of his band members, or the perfectly in-sync thunder of their collective footsteps. Felix lets himself lean into the feeling, transitioning easily into their second number. 

And then the world stops moving. Felix feels it happen, watches the droplets of sweat cascading from Hyunjins hair practically freeze, turns his head left and right to find Innie halfway through a particularly taxing kick and Jisung passionately rapping his verse. 

His back flares in pain, pain so sharp that he gasps, and as if being led by strings, he moves towards Minho. He has only a moment to consider why when his eyes practically pulse in his skull and he spots Minho’s foot. 

Minho’s foot, which has landed on a puddle of water. His arms are half lifted into what will surely be a windmilling flail; a flail which will do nothing to prevent him from falling flat onto his back, maybe even onto his skull. Red, bone, blood, blank eyes-

Felix wraps his arms around Minho and plants his feet just as the world snaps back to its normal speed; the assault of thumming base and pounding footsteps shocks him, but he keeps his grip tight on Minho as his hyung, sure enough, slips on the water and catapults backwards. 

“Oh my god!” Jisung gasps. Minho yelps and grips Felix back, even though the press of his hands against Felix’s skin is like a hot blade slicing down his back. Everyone freezes where they stand, only Chan moving to help Felix steady Minho. 

“What the hell,” Seungmin says, squatting to the floor. “Who spilled their water bottle?” 

“Don’t look at me!” Changbin says. 

“No one was,” Innie rolls his eyes. “Well, now we are. That was pretty suspicious.” 

“Are you okay?” Felix asks. Minho is blinking at him, dazed, and Felix belatedly remembers to let go of him. Minho just keeps blinking. “Hyung?” 

“How did you catch me?” Minho finally asks. 

“I … you were falling?” Felix says slowly. His head feels like it’s filled with cotton suddenly, and he can feel a strange numb exhaustion creeping down his body even as the pain in his back spikes. 

“And you were on the other side of the formation,” Seungmin says quietly. When Felix looks into the mirror, his roommate is watching him with knowing eyes.

“What hyung means is thank you,” Innie prods. Felix is aware of Minho’s response -- a low, grateful murmuring --  but only just, because the pain in his back is reaching a fever pitch, like literal flames against his skin, and that numb exhaustion has reached his eyes in a peripheral ocean of black spots. 

Minho says something, an urgent note to his voice, and then Hyunjin is in front of him, hands rising to grab him. 

Then it all goes black.

---

Felix comes to the same way you light a fire -- with the barely-there flicker of embers to the sudden whoosh of a flame. His back is on fire. 

“Whoa!” Seungmin gasps when Felix sits up. Felix regrets it -- even though the pain is lessened, it’s replaced with a wave of dizziness. He lets Seungmin push him back down. “Don’t do that, you literally fainted an hour ago.” 

Felix focuses on blinking away the black spots that have returned to his vision. He’s in his bed, he realizes. The soft, gentle glow of fairy lights line his room, and Seungmin must have logged onto his gaming laptop to queue a playlist. Gentle lo-fi remixes of Ghibli soundtracks trickle quietly throughout the room. 

“I was in the studio,” he says. 

“Yup,” Seungmin confirms. He reaches over to Felix’s desk and comes back with a tray of food. It looks like some kind of soup, a plate of fruit, and an electrolyte drink. He places it on Felix’s nightstand and whips out his phone, typing rapidly before shutting it off. “Sorry, by the way.” 

“For what?” 

Immediately, there’s a loud knock on their front door, then the sound of a lock engaging. 

“Lee Yongbok,” Minho’s voice says. 

“Oh,” Felix says, understanding. Seungmin has the decency to look a little guilty. 

Minho’s voice may be serious, and his mouth may be in a stern line, but his eyes are full of concern as he gingerly sits on Felix’s mattress. 

“Hi hyung,” Felix says. Minho nods at the tray. 

“Eat,” he says. Felix’s stomach churns at the thought of food. 

“Hyung, I’m not-” 

“Did it sound like I was asking?” Minho cuts him off. Felix snaps his mouth shut. 

“I’m going to be in my room,” Seungmin mumbles. 

“Coward,” Felix says. 

“No, that mouth is only good for one thing,” Minho says. 

“Sucking dick?” Seungmin says from the hall. Felix snorts, but doesn’t have the energy to fight when Minho looks like he’s ready to burn down the globe if it means Felix will obey him. 

Felix settles for eating a grape. Minho looks momentarily appeased as he scooches further up the mattress and leans against the wall. 

“Now, you’re going to listen. I trusted that you would understand how important adequate fuel is given the amount of dancing we’re doing-” 

Felix can’t fight the groan that leaves his mouth and Minho’s eyes flash dangerously. “Another bite now, Bbokie. I’m not kidding.” 

Felix eats another grape. 

“Aish, eat the soup, it’s hearty.” 

Hearty , Felix rolls the word around in his head. Hearty usually means heavy, which usually means calorically dense. 

“I can see you thinking,” Minho says more quietly. “You need to eat. Is someone at the company telling you to diet? Who is it? Hyung knows at least a dozen ways to dispose of a body.” 

“Hyung, you would go to jail,” Felix says. Minho waves his hand in the air dismissively and snorts. 

“Please, I’m much too smart to get caught. Plus, I would burn the world down for you if I had to.” 

Felix feels the ghost of a grin pull at his lips, but the gesture is fleeting as he glances at the soup. It’s a thin broth, but he can see spots of oil drifting like lily pads between chunks of meat and vegetables. That horrible nausea is bad in a second, and he presses his and against his nose to quell the urge to puke.

“I’m not even hungry,” Felix says. He means to say it with some amount of strength, but his voice, like the broth, is thin. “I’m dizzy.” 

“Because you fainted,” Minho says quietly. “You’re … you’re overdoing it again.” 

That gets Felix’s attention, and suddenly he understands what’s going on. 

“You think I fainted because I didn’t eat enough,” he says. 

“Is that incorrect?” Minho asks, but not in a way where he expects an answer. No, he asks in the same way you would guide a child towards an answer. “You’re skipping breakfast and you’re not eating enough at dinner. I know that when we first debuted you cut back-” 

“This isn’t like then,” Felix says, and finally his voice carries a spark of something other than weakness. “I’m not stupid.”

“Fainting is stupid,” Minho reprimands. “You always ask us not to worry, but then you do things like stop eating-” 

“That’s not what’s happening!” 

Felix doesn’t mean to yell, but he does. The anger he feels is shocking and sharp, both to him and, clearly to his hyung, who sits up straight. 

“Then tell me what’s happening, Bbokie,” Minho all but hisses. 

Felix pushes himself upright. Minho motions to push him back down but Felix glares, and it must be scathing enough to keep Minho away. “Why should I?” Felix snaps. “You won’t believe me anyway. No matter what I say, you all think I’m lying. Do you know how exhausting it is to not be believed?” 

Felix knows this isn’t just about Minho. He knows it’s about a whole heap of things, but his head is still foggy and the distant, incense-scented ball of pain is wedged too deep in his gut to start untangling. 

“Why is it fine for Chan to stay up till four am every morning and for Innie to cut out sugar and for Changbin to spend hours killing himself in the gym and for Hyunjin to lock himself in his room painting for half the night and for Jisung to complain about his hips hurting and Seungmin to practically fall asleep a the studio but the second I so much as frown everyone thinks I’m falling apart?” 

Every word spikes in volume, and Felix barely keeps his grasp on his tray. 

Minho’s face morphs from frustration to shock to outright bewilderment by the time Felix is done speaking. His panting breaths are ragged over the gentle music still playing from his computer. 

“Well?” Felix practically spits. “Do you have an answer?” 

“Yongbok,” Minho says quietly. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

And there it is. Gentleness. If it was anyone else, Minho would be spitting with fury. Felix, normally, would love the proof that he’s special to his hyung, but right now it just feels like Minho is proving his point. 

“Why aren’t you mad at me!” 

It’s a shout, and it must be loud enough that Seungmin feels the need to step in, because his roommate appears in the door a moment later. 

“You okay?” Seungmin asks tentatively. 

“No,” Felix answers, eyes not leaving Minho’s. “I want to be alone, but clearly hyung’s worried I’ll drop dead without someone babysitting me.” 

“Because you seem to prove that point!” Minho snaps, finally frustrated enough to drop the kid gloves. “I watch you not eat, I watch your back hurt you, and then I watch you lie to everyone and say that you’re not working yourself to death! Yongbok, you cannot keep going on like this-” 

“I can,” Felix cuts him off. “And I will.” 

What other choice do I have but to be your sunshine? 

He doesn’t vocalize that thought. Instead, he and Minho simply glare at each other, their nostrils flaring with fast, angry breaths. 

Felix, unbidden, is reminded of videos of cats fighting. 

“Hyung, can I talk to you?” Seungmin asks. It’s such an obvious ploy that Felix laughs. Minho looks conflicted but ultimately follows Seungmin out into the hallway. 

Anger is still pulsing through Felix’s veins, radiated painfully up his back like his skin is actually sizzling. He pushes himself out of bed, ignoring the way his vision swims, and practically slams the tray of food onto his desk. 

He examines himself in the full length mirror he’d hung on the back of his closet. He hates to admit it, but he can see why Minho was treating him like Felix was on his deathbed. His hair is stringy with sweat, hanging limply over his pale face. Dark shadows have carved their way beneath his eyes, which look black with exhaustion, and he can see the effects of his diet in the sharp lines beneath his cheekbones, the jut of his collarbones, the just-there protrusion of his chest bones. He watches his reflection lick his dry lips, which are more grey than they are rosy pink. 

“I’m fine,” he tells himself. It looks like a lie, even though there are truths to it. He knows he didn’t faint because of a lack of food. Is he leaning a little too close to restriction for comfort? Maybe, Felix can see that, but he’s not trying to. It’s like his body has remembered a habit and refuses to let go. Felix forces down mouthfuls of just enough food night after night -- he knows, the numbers dancing behind his eyes if he lets them, that he’s eating enough protein and produce to get away with the amount of dancing he has to do. 

But he still fainted and he’s not sure why. 

He thinks of Minho’s face just before he fell. His hyung is usually so composed, especially when it comes to his dance. Felix resonates with that -- the need to control, the need to be perfect. The idea of Minho getting hurt while doing the very thing that makes him feel the safest … 

Pain radiates up his back and Felix swears under his breath, a hand instinctively flying to his shoulder. He pulls off the hoodie he’s been put in and turns. 

“Oh fuck,” he whispers. 

The skin across his back is angry and red, darkest at the expanse of his upper back, almost nonexistent along the line of his spine. Felix reaches over and flicks on his overhead light before moving closer to the mirror. The skin isn’t just red, it’s bumpy. It wasn’t like that before; no, the strange bumps, like too-large gooseflesh, are new. Felix raises a shaking hand and pokes at one of the bumps. 

Something sharp pinches through the bump from beneath his own skin. 

Felix gasps and stumbles backwards, tripping over his discarded dance bag and flopping hard onto his bed. 

“I got Hyung to leave but he’s not super happy, so if Channie-hyung calls you soon, don’t be surprised- are you okay?” 

Seungmin stands in the doorway, eyebrows knitted in confusion. 

“Yeah,” Felix says shakily. “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“You look like you’ve been a ghost,” Seungmin says slowly, entering the room as if it might actually be haunted. 

Felix just shakes his head. 

He must have some type of skin infection. The thought makes him feel nauseous. 

“You look kind of ill,” Seungmin notes. “Please don’t bite my head off like you did Hyung’s, but can you please eat some of the soup?”

“I didn’t faint because I didn’t eat,” Felix says. 

“I know.” 

Felix looks up in surprise, but Seungmin shows no sign of adding anything else. “You believe me?” 

His roommate rolls his eyes and flops down next to him. “Felix, you’re a terrible liar. Do I think you should eat more? Yes. But you’ve fainted from not eating before, and if you say this is different, why wouldn’t I believe you?” 

“Because no one else ever does,” Felix mumbles, picking at a loose thread on his blanket. 

“Don’t get whiny,” Seungmin groans. “You sound like a little kid.”

“Everyone treats me like one anyway, might as well whine like one,” Felix shrugs. 

“People don’t treat you like a little kid, Lix. They treat you like Felix. Like someone they - we - want to protect, because you’re our friend. The same way you want Chan to sleep more, and you want Changbin to take it easier-” 

“You heard all that?” Felix cringes. 

“You were yelling, of course I heard everything,” Seungmin laughs sadly. “I don’t think Minho realized that Innie dieted too. And he definitely didn’t realize that Jisung was dealing with pain.” 

Felix glances up at his friend. Seungmin stares down at his hands, lips pursing side to side. “I didn’t realize those things either. You say you don’t want us taking care of you, but you take care of everyone. It’s like your thing.” 

“I don’t do much,” Felix insists, because he doesn’t. He tries to be there however he can, but that doesn’t stop Hyunjin from self-isolating in the studios, or help take away any of Seungmin’s exhaustion. 

“But you do,” Seungmin huffs. “Sometimes just having someone realize that you’re suffering lifts the burden. And beyond that, you’re always looking out for us. I’ve seen you slip granola bars into Innie’s backpack, you know, and you’re not exactly subtle when you tempt Chan home with cookies at midnight.” 

Felix wraps his arm around Seungmin’s middle and pulls him into a cuddle. Seungmin doesn’t even pretend to fight it, his hands instead lifting to hold Felix back. For a moment, they stay like that, finding comfort where they can. 

Then Seungmin’s hand moves and he winces. 

“Ouch!” he hisses. “What’s on your back?” 

Felix pales. “Nothing.” 

Seungmin raises a single brow. “Nice try, Lix. This is why we worry about you, because you’re so shifty-” 

Seungmin freezes when he pushes Felix onto his stomach and spies his back. “What the fuck happened to your back?” 

Felix sighs and presses his face against the mattress. He feels Seungmin trace a finger gently along his skin and winces. “Does that hurt?” 

“Stings,” Felix says, voice muffled. “I don’t know what happened. It’s been red, but the bumps are new.” 

“Do you think it’s contagious?” 

Felix whimpers. 

“Oh, Lix, I’m kidding. It looks like an allergic reaction. A weird, sharp allergic reaction.” 

Seungmin pokes at his back again. Felix jolts forward, because he feels sharpness prod at his skin from within his body. 

“Shit!” he curses. 

“Are you okay? Did that hurt?” 

Felix sits up. “It felt like …” 

“Like what?” 

“Like there was something poking from inside me.” 

Seungmin blinks at him owlishly. “We should call Channie-hyung.” 

“No!” Felix panics, grabbing Seungmin’s hands as the man reaches for his phone. “No, he’ll freak out and then Minho-hyung will never believe me about anything again.” 

“That’s a little dramatic.” 

“Is it?” Felix begs. “Minnie, if the hyungs think that I’ve been hiding this from them, they’ll never let me out of their sights again. I’ll go crazy.” 

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “Okay, one, you’re already well on your way to crazy. Two, you kind of were hiding this?” 

“No I wasn’t,” Felix shakes his head emphatically. “Channie knew that my skin was irritated, but it wasn’t bumpy until today!” 

Seungmin purses his lips and his eyes fall back to Felix’s skin. “Lix, if it’s hurting you, you should see a doctor.” 

“It could be the detergent,” Felix says, knowing it isn’t, “or the new soap I’ve been using. Let me try to figure out what it is, and if it’s still bothering me, I’ll go to a doctor. But after this whole fainting thing has died down.” 

Seungmin’s clearly not thrilled about the offer, but his hands don’t twitch in the direction of his phone again. “Does it really bug you that much when we try to take care of you?”

Guilt, hot and itchy, churns in his stomach. “No, I love that you want to take care of me. I just … I don’t know, sometimes I wish I could be not okay and that would be fine.” 

And Seungmin doesn’t try to correct him, doesn’t say of course it’s fine , because he’s a logical person, and he probably sees it too -- the way Felix has to be sunshine in a way the rest of them don’t. 

“Fine,” he finally accepts. “But if it’s still bothering you before we have that big interview on the 12th, I’m telling all of the hyungs myself.” 

“Deal,” Felix grins. 

“And you have to eat the soup now.” 

Felix feels his grin falter a bit, but he can also feel the signs of repressed hunger. “Also deal.” 

He stands and takes the bowl from his desk. It’s not steaming anymore, but it’s still plenty warm and Felix cradles it in his lap. 

“Oh, and Lix?” 

“Hmm?” Felix hums through a mouthful of ( oh wow, insanely delicious) soup. Seungmin cocks his head to the side, as puppy as they come. 

“How the hell did you move from one side of the formation to the other in less than a second?”

Felix shrugs. He’s too tired to think about that now. He focuses on eating the soup and trying to not throw it up instead.

---

Chan seeks him out as Felix is getting ready for bed; it’s been what should have been a blissful day spent in his room (apparently fainting gets you out of Korean lessons and hours in the studio), but he’s been too preoccupied to enjoy the day off. He’s gingerly pulling his soften pajama shirt over his aloe-covered back (Seungmin’s idea) when there’s a soft knock on the door. A knock knock knock-knock knock. 

Felix sighs, but finishes the pattern on the surface of his desk. Chan enters a moment later, steps careful and smile soft, with two mugs in his hand. Felix wordlessly sits on his bed and pulls his knees up to his chest (he wants to make it clear that he’s unhappy, as if his out of character tantrum with Minho wouldn’t have done that already). Chan places both mugs on Felix’s nightstand, sits next to him, and opens his arms. 

Felix hesitates a moment -- he doesn’t want Chan to think that Felix is in need of comfort because he’s unwell -- but ultimately lets himself sink into the familiar position: his head on Chan’s chest, tucked perfectly beneath Chan’s chin, with his arms wrapped around him and one leg slotted between Chan’s knees. They’ve cuddled like this at least a thousand times, the majority while they were still fresh in their debut. 

“ I brought hot chocolate ,” Chan murmurs against Felix’s hair. The familiarly accented English thaws what little is left of Felix’s resolve and he melts. 

“ I can smell that ,” Felix whispers back. 

“ Is that my hoodie? ” 

“ Maybe. You gonna take it back? ” 

“ Nah, you’re cuter in it than I am. ”

Felix reaches a hand up and flicks Chan at the temple. “ What did we say about speaking negatively about ourselves? ” 

He feels Chan smile, and then he’s being shifted out of the hold. Chan pushes a mug (it was an evil present from Seungmin, a mug with tags from fanfictions about the group printed around it; Seungmin happily informed Felix, after everyone was out of ear shot, that the tags were from smutty fanfictions about him and Hyunjin) into his hand. 

“ It’s hot, be careful. ” 

Felix doesn’t want to drink the hot chocolate. The soup from earlier still sits hot and heavy in his stomach, as does the second serving Seungmin bullied him into consuming. But saying no while simultaneously pleading his case wouldn’t be of much use, so he takes a closed-lip sip. 

It’s painfully delicious.  

“ So ,” Chan says, elongated and bent and Aussie, “ I hear you chewed Minho out .” 

“ I didn’t chew him out ,” Felix mumbles. “ Did he tell you what I said? ” 

Chan tilts his head left to right, considering. “ He gave me a vague overview. He’s … worried. ” 

“ He has made that clear. ” 

“ You told me that you’d tell me if you weren’t feeling well. ” 

“ And I haven’t said anything because I’ve been feeling fine ,” Felix says evenly. He wants to tamp down the anger that is somehow returning. He can feel Chan studying him; he’s sure that Chan must notice the boniness of his shoulders where the hoodie gaps sideways. 

He takes a painfully long drink. 

“ He worries about you because you remind him of himself when he was younger. ” 

Felix pauses. He did not know that. Chan takes his silence as permission to continue. 

“ It’s more his story to tell than yours, but let’s just say that you two are a lot more similar than you may realize. ” 

“ So you want me to talk to him? ” Felix asks. Chan sighs, turns, and squishes Felix’s face between his hands until Felix’s face is scrunched into a pout. 

“ I want you to do what you want to do. I want you to be okay, and happy; would I like it if you would take better care of yourself, because you’re literally an angel- ” 

“ M’not an angel ,” Felix tries to say. 

“- and too good for this world. I don’t want you to feel like Minho-hyung or I or any of the others are watching you twenty-four seven -”

“- but you are -” 

“- because we’re not . But when you get hurt and you faint in dance practice, I might worry about you just a little bit more than normal .” 

Felix blinks, and keeps his mouth shut. He doesn’t know how to express to Chan that he understands that, but that’s not what he’s upset about. 

Problem is he doesn’t really know what he’s upset about, so he just nods. 

Chan lets go of Felix’s face and gently pushes the loose hair behind his ears. 

“ Can I ask just once, and then I promise I won’t ask again, ” Chan hesitates and adds, “ barring another car accident .” 

“ Go for it, ” Felix says softly. 

Chan holds up three fingers and ticks down the first. 

“ Did you faint because you aren’t taking care of yourself again? ” 

The again ruffled Felix’s feathers a bit, but he can’t really blame Chan, not when he’s seen how badly things can go if Felix gets too into his own head. 

“ No, I didn’t faint because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I don’t know why I fainted, but I’m guessing it was sheer exhaustion after dancing for six hours .” 

Chan nods and ticks down another finger. 

“ Okay, two: is your back bothering you. ” 

Felix pauses, then answers very carefully. “ No, my herniated disc is not bothering me. I mean, sometimes it acts up, but in the way a herniated disc tends to bother someone .” 

Chan smiles at that. He ticks down his final finger. “ Three: do you promise you’re not hiding anything from me? ” 

Felix full stops at that. “ I mean, I’m hiding some stuff from everyone. I think that’s allowed .” 

Chan’s face twists, so Felix adds: “ I’m not talking about an injury, but like … if I’m homesick, I don’t always need to run to you and tell you. Sometimes I just need to be allowed to be sad .” 

Chan doesn’t look more convinced, but he nods. “ Of course, Lixie, you know yourself best. ” 

Do you actually believe that? Felix wants to ask. But he’d be a bit of a hypocrite, since his biggest gripe seems to be a lack of belief from his members. 

“ You’ll tell me if something changes? ” Chan asks. 

Felix thinks of his deal with Seungmin. When he nods, it doesn’t feel like a lie. 

Except it kind of does. 

“ You heading to bed soon ?” 

“ Nah, being unconscious messed up my circadian rhythm .” 

“ Wanna watch a movie? ”

Felix grins, and it feels real and authentic. “ Yeah, let’s do it. ” 

Notes:

Soft chanlix = good.
Angry minlix = difficult to write.
Seunglix = my fave thing to put down on paper.
Hyunlix = very much coming, don't you worry.

I know this chapter was a little less 'exciting' than the first, but come on, you've got to have buildup, right? I'm still trying to figure out what my posting schedule will be like, but I'm scared that if I give myself one I'll immediately panic and get writer's block. So far I've got the third already written, as well as what's probably the 5th or 6th?

Love u all, I hope u enjoy <3

Chapter 3: quaking reality

Summary:

Felix has big feelings and even bigger questions, but someone steps in to give him some answers.

They're just really not the answers that he's expecting.

Notes:

A very conversation heavy chapter, but we're finally getting some answers!

Enjoy <3

Felix hasn’t spoken to Minho because he’s a full coward.

There’s not tension, per se, but the space between them feels corporeal, like Felix could reach a hand out and drag it through unpleasantly chilly water. Jisung bears the brunt of it, flitting back and forth between his soulmate and his twin with wider and wider eyes at every turn. 

“You haven’t talked to him yet?” Seungmin asks, two days after Felix fainted, and two days after he, as Chan said, ‘chewed Minho out’. 

“He hasn’t spoken to me either,” Felix says. Seungmin raises a brow and Felix slumps forward with his head in his hands. “I’m scared, okay? I’ve never yelled at Minho-hyung before.” 

“It’s Minho-hyung, you could literally murder someone and he’d still find a way to take your side.” 

Felix looks up to where Minho is chatting to their choreographer. They’re on a stage today, and the wall of empty seats before him makes Felix want to shrink into a ball. Minho glances across the stage, his eyes gliding over Felix like he’s not even there. 

“I don’t know, Minnie,” Felix says. “I think he might really hate me.”

You have more in common than you think.  

“No one could hate you.” 

Felix looks up. Hyunjin towers over him on a good day. From all the way down on the ground, he can imagine that Hyunjin is some kind of beautiful tree creature. 

At that exact moment, Jisung comes flying across the stage and joins Hyunjin in staring at Felix. 

“Why does Minho-hyung hate you?” 

Tears spring to Felix’s eyes and he presses his head against his knees. 

“What the fuck, Ji?” Hyunjin hisses. 

“Shit,” Jisung says. He crouches down and wraps an arm around Felix. “I’m sorry, Lix, I didn’t mean it, I was just hoping I could shock you into telling me what the hell happened to make you and Minho hyung stop talking.” 

Felix doesn’t know where he would even begin, but thankfully, Chan claps his hands before he has to come up with anything. 

“Alright, come one, let’s do a runthrough of the blocking.” 

Felix lifts his head and wipes his hands surreptitiously at his eyes. Hyunjin offers him a hand but when he pulls Felix to standing, he doesn’t let him go; instead he pulls Felix into a hug. “What’s going on, hmm?” 

“Nothing important,” Felix says quietly. For a minute, Hyunjin just continues to hug him. 

“You’re a really bad liar, Bbokie,” he finally murmurs. “When did you start doing that with me?” 

Felix briefly considers if eating glass would hurt as badly. 

“Lix, Jin, come on!” Chan calls. 

Hyunjin releases him and nods towards the stage. 

For the next hour and a half, Felix lets his brain shut off and leans into movement; the slow shuffling around the stage morphs into half-marked movements morphs into full out dances with their tracks blaring through the empty arena. He loses himself to the music, so the synced slap of feet against floor, to the unison choir of heavy breaths. It’s a music in and of itself. 

He doesn’t mean to get tripped up -- his shoes are a bit chunkier than is wise for a dance rehearsal -- but in his haste to fix the movement, he winds up bumping into Minho. 

“Sorry!” He gasps. He hears someone call for them to reset. 

“You should watch where you’re going,” Minho says coolly. Felix freezes and looks up to see his hyung glaring down at him. 

Felix actually takes a step back. Minho has never looked at him with such coldness in his eyes. 

“I’m … I’m sorry,” Felix says softly. Minho doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t look away either. Just keeps glaring. 

“We’re going to take fifteen and do the next runthrough with the lights,” one of the managers says. Minho begins to turn, but Felix grabs his wrist. 

“Wait, hyung, can we talk?” The others are still standing close by, definitely watching, but all Felix can think about is how he can get his hyung to smile at him again, how he can erase the crease from between Jisung’s eyes, how he can smooth out the tension currently bunched in Chan’s shoulders. 

“Not here, Yongbok,” Minho says curtly. Felix withers. Not Bbokie, not Yongbok-ah. Just Yongbok. 

“I want to apologize,” Felix says. “I was upset-” 

“I gathered,” Minho pulls his arm away from Felix. “Now is not the place. We’re at rehearsal and you’re not helping.” 

Felix feels the tears pool in his eyes in a mere moment. He tries to blink them away, but one immediately falls down his cheek. 

You’re not helping.

Pain ripples across his skin, but Felix welcomes it. He deserves it. He let down Minho, which means he let down Jisung, and he’s thrown off the dynamic of the group. He deserves to hurt-

“Lix-”

“I’ll be back,” Felix chokes out, and then he’s running off stage towards the back hallways. As soon as he’s alone, he steps as deep into the shadows as possible and slides against the wall. 

The tears are like a faucet without a nob, they just keep coming. It’s not ideal -- Felix is already dehydrated from dancing, and now he’ll be even more dehydrated and puffy. If he’d eaten breakfast or lunch, it might not have been a problem, but his diet-turned-food-aversion isn’t doing much for his complexion. 

Felix buries his head into his lap to muffle the tears, and the movement sends another wave of pain rippling across his back. It’s bad , worse than it’s been before, and each pang seems to bring with it horrible guilt. Guilt for hurting Minho, guilt for letting Chan down, guilt for occupying so much of the space in his members heads with his bullshit. 

Suddenly the thoughts change to flashes -- Hyunjin in the car, a metal pole through his skull; Minho on the ground, his limbs twisted and eyes vacant; Innie in a hospital bed with his skin a horrible grey, and Chan slumped over his desk, foaming at the mouth -- 

His nails dig into his palms, and just as he feels them break through skin, there are arms on him.

“Lixie, shush, don’t do that-” 

“Jinnie!” Felix sobs at the voice. A moment later he’s being pulled into Hyunin’s lap, and he wastes no time wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into his neck. 

“You’re okay, Lix, you’re okay.” 

But he’s not; Minho hates him, and he can’t help anyone, and all he ever does if fuck things up.

“You do not fuck things up,” Hyunjin says; he must have said that out loud. “You are so helpful, angel, but you don’t always have to be-” 

He does , he thinks so strongly that it hurts. 

“And Minho-hyung doesn’t hate you, he’s just upset and not ready to talk yet.” 

But Felix ruined everything, and now his hyung will never come make him breakfast in the mornings or hold his hand in car rides ever again. 

Felix realizes, dimly, that this level of distress is a bit disproportionate to the situation, but he feels like the world is crumbling to an end; like some part of him has damned his members to a terrible fate. The need to make things right is excruciating. 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers against Hyunjin’s skin. Hyunjin chuckles, a deep rumbling noise that Felix feels more than hears, and gently pets at his hair. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, crying isn’t a crime.” 

If you’re not going to be quiet and smile, you can wait in the car, Felix.  

“Yes it is.” 

Hyunjin pulls back and looks down at him, brows knit in confusion. “What-” 

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin appears around the corner, his voice quiet. He frowns at the sight of them, curled on the ground. “I’m sorry, the choreographer asked for either you or Felix, and I figured…” 

“Go,” Felix sniffs, practically jumping out of Hyunjin’s lap. Once again, he had to be cared for and coddled. He scrubs roughly at his eyes. “Sorry, you shouldn’t be back here with me.” 

Hyunjin’s frown deepens. “Felix, I wanted to be here. You were sad.” 

Felix shakes his head. “Shouldn’t have pulled you away. I’m being unhelpful. You should be with the others-”

“Lix, I want to be with you,” Hyunjin says. Felix’s heart does a funny little flip, imagining the words in a deeper context. “That’s what friends do.” 

Right. Friends. 

“I’m okay, Jinnie, just overwhelmed with the schedules.” Felix says. He takes a deep breath, imagines his sadness and tears and fear as a literal pill he can swallow away, and forces himself to smile his signature Felix smile. “The others need you.” 

“Hyunjin-ah!” Changbin calls from the stage. Hyunjin looks physically pained, and Felix doesn’t understand why. 

“Go,” he says again. Hyunjin bites his lip but nods and disappears. 

As soon as he’s gone, Felix tries to roll out the pain in his back with a low groan, momentarily forgetting that Seungmin is still in the wings, watching. 

“Your back,” Seungmin says quietly. Felix is grateful he doesn’t comment on what happened with Minho, because Felix would surely start crying again, but he also doesn’t want to talk about this either. “It’s been long enough. Time to go to a doctor or tell Chan.” 

The pain has yet to dissipate. It keeps coming in waves. Felix reaches beneath his hoodie and brushes his finger over his skin; somehow it feels sharper than before. 

“I’ll go to the clinic by JYP when we get back,” Felix whispers. 

Felix avoids the other members for the rest of the day. He doesn’t think he could bear to see the hurt in Jisung’s eyes or the overwhelming disappointment in Chan’s. He focuses only his feet on the ground and the pain in his back, because otherwise he’ll spiral. It works a bit; if he doesn’t look at any of them, he can avoid the horrible pangs of guilt. When they finally end the day, Felix doesn’t bother changing. He grabs his back and half-walks, half-runs towards the vans, pretending he doesn’t hear Chan calling for him to hang back. 

“JYP building, please,” he says to the driver. The clinic is a building over, but Felix doesn’t want to risk their driver telling the others where he’s going. 

“Do you want to wait for anyone else?” 

“No,” Felix says quietly, “they’re still changing.” 

The ride to the building is short; he wishes it was longer, because he likes the limbo of a drive. His phone buzzes in his lap, and a glance down shows that it’s Chan five times in a row, Hyunjin three, and Seumgin once. He doesn't open the messages, doesn’t want the guilt to build anew. 

“We’re here,” the driver says. Felix jolts in his seat, but quickly thanks the driver, hops out of the car, and shrugs his way through the cold and into the building. The clinic is a private one, exclusively for idols; secrets may never be guaranteed as an idol, but damn if the companies aren’t willing to try to keep them. 

Felix takes the elevator to the second floor. He waves and bows to the staff members he comes across, friends and strangers alike, as he weaves his way through the labyrinth of hallways. The smell of antiseptic hits him even before he presses his ID badge against the scanner and pushes his way through the double doors. Felix thinks they could have at least tried to make the clinic seem cozy, but instead it resembles every other hospital he’s ever entered. White tile, white walls, grating white lights. 

He shuts his eyes and bites back a wince at the memories: nineteen, thirty pounds underweight, shivering even in the warmth of the practice rooms. Forty-six hours into his fast, but merely fifteen minutes post-fainting spell. 

Chan had been so angry , a voice hisses in his ear. 

Not angry, worried, Felix argues back. 

The voice doesn’t respond, but the silence feels weighted and pitying. 

“Yongbok?” 

Felix snaps back into the present with a blast of fluorescents. He has to blink several times, and in doing so, feels the earth tilt on its axis. 

“Hey, sit down,” someone says. Felix lets himself be led through the tunnel of light until he’s sitting in a hard plastic chair. 

He blinks again, and his vision clears. “Wooyoung-hyung?” 

The Ateez member smiles at him, but his eyes seem to search every inch of Felix’s face. “Hey there, are you okay? You looked like you were about to keel over. Still do, to be honest.” 

“Just got dizzy,” Felix says softly. Exhaustion is a bone deep thing, even as the pain in his back increases. Felix shifts, but the movement only exacerbates the sting. Wooyoung frowns. 

“Your back bothering you again?” 

And it’s odd, because Felix has been doing everything in his power to hide from his members for the past couple of weeks, but the energy to lie -- even partially -- just isn’t there. 

“Not my back, but the skin. It’s like something trying to poke through, and I promised Seungmin that if it got worse I’d see a doctor.” 

Felix stares at a point on the unmarked tile. Even as he says it, he swears he can feel needles prodding from within his body. 

“Sorry, hyung, it’s really not that bad, I just-” 

Wooyoung wraps one hand around Felix’s wrist and slaps the other against his mouth. 

“Yongbok, shut up.” 

Felix does just that. Wooyoung is normally a jokester, and maybe that’s why the sudden drop in his voice and the vice grip on Felix’s wrist feel so severe. For a moment, Felix swears the air around them gets colder, like a dark cloud passing in front of the sun. Wooyoung seems to study him for any signs that he’ll start talking again, but finding none, removes his hands. He scans the hallway left and right, but no one is there.

“Come with me.” 

Felix lets himself be dragged out of the clinic, across the street, and into one of the several nondescript dorm buildings that the companies tend to use for idol housing. Felix stays quiet as Wooyoung nods to the doorman, scans a card at an elevator bank, and presses the button for the rooftop. 

“Lucky,” Felix says quietly as the doors open and they step into a half-covered garden. It’s chilly out, but high walls protect the rooftop from the wind, and with the sun beating down, Felix almost feels warm. More than that, he feels fed, satiated; strong. 

Wooyoung jogs quickly around the perimeter, but no one else is present. He turns back to Felix and swallows hard. “I know this sounds weird, but I need you to take off your shirt.” 

For all of his spiraling and self loathing, the question is shocking enough to bring a laugh to Felix’s lips. “What?” 

However, his hyung doesn’t crack even the slightest of smiles -- something that is supremely out of character. Felix feels his grin vanishing slowly, and when Wooyoung gives no indication of backing down, he strips off his hoodie and tank top. 

The sun feels immaculate on his bare skin; Felix all but preens, even as Wooyoung approaches him. “Turn around.”

Felix does so, and Wooyoung sucks in a break. “ Oh, Yongbok.” 

“I know it looks gross,” Felix says quietly. “I was hoping it was just an irritation with my soap or something-” 

“It’s not.” 

The finality in his voice has Felix turning back around to face his hyung. Wooyoung combs his fingers through his hair and sighs anxiously. If they were dating, Felix would think that Wooyoung was breaking up with him. “Put on your shirt and let’s chat.” 

They settle onto a bench beneath the covered patio. Felix watches Wooyoung’s throat bob and his hands fiddle anxiously with the hem of his shirt. 

“Hyung, do you … do you know what’s going on with me?”  

Woonyoung closes his eyes. “Tell me exactly what’s been happening. When did it start?” 

Felix shakes his head absently. “I told you-”

“No, you told me what you’ve probably told Chan and your other members, the choreographers if they noticed and the stylists. Tell me the truth.” 

And in that moment, two things clicked in Felix’s mind: one, whatever was going on with Felix -- from the pain to the syrupy slowing of time to the seemingly-inescapable flashes of his friends dying -- is not only connected, but maybe a more serious thing than he’s let himself consider. 

And two, Wooyoung knows what’s going on. 

So Felix sighs, and for the first time in ages, he doesn’t even think about trying to lie. “I noticed the pain first. It started two, three weeks ago? I really thought it was just an allergic reaction. But then it started to get worse. It wasn’t until we were driving to the company, and another car lost control and hit us. It was like the world slowed down; like literally slowed down, not metaphorically, and I realized that the car was going to hit right where Hyunjin was sitting. I somehow managed to pull him away and then time was moving normally again. There was this metal pole that went through the window from the other car and it … it went through my dance bag that Hyunjin was using a pillow. It would have gone through his skull.” 

Felix stops and swallows, his throat contracting desperately with the urge to cry. Wooyoung pats his leg. “Changbinnie mentioned that to me. It sounded really scary.” 

Felix nods and tries to smile; he doesn’t want Wooyoung to feel sad just because he does/ “It was scary. The other driver didn’t make it, so I guess we were lucky. And that would be one thing, except a few days later, the same thing happened but with Minho-hyung -- he was dancing, the world slowed down, and I realized that he was in the middle of slipping on a puddle of water. I ended up fainting after I caught him. I was so tired, like all the life had been drained out of me.”

Felix leaves out the eating thing and the fighting. It doesn’t seem entirely relevant to the story. 

“After I saved Hyunjin, my back pain got worse -- the skin pain, not my lower back. You’ve met my members, they’re always worried about me, so I’ve been trying to hide it from them. Except then when I saved Minho, it got even worse?” Felix is well aware that he’s babbling, but Wooyoung doesn’t seem the least bit lost. “And then after the fainting, everyone got more worried, which made me feel guilty, and angry, and … crazy? I keep picturing them-” 

Felix’s voice catches and pain flares before he can say the word-

“-dead?” Wooyoung finishes. Felix leans forward and clasps Wooyoung’s hands in his own. 

“Do you know what’s happening to me?” Felix pleads. Wooyoung shifts in his seat. “Please, hyung, I … I feel like I’m going insane.” 

Wooyoung studies Felix for what feels like a very long time before he stands, turns around, and lifts his own shirt. 

At first, Felix is so flustered that he can’t quite assess what’s happening, but then he gasps. Two massive scars slant across his back -- slanting from shoulder to the middle of his spine. When Felix moves closer, he notices tiny tendrils of white spiderwebbed from the scar tissue. 

“What happened?” Felix whispers. Wooyoung tugs his shirt back on. 

“Felix,” he begins. “Do you believe in angels?” 

Felix laughs. A believer -- he’s always been that, hasn’t he? He’s never had a problem with God, but rather the adults in the church. And Felix believes, but he’s not sure if the version of him that drew such praise during Mass and Bible studies exists anymore, not sure if God would want an angry, sad, scared version of him. It concerns him, a bit, that his image of God shares similar facial characteristics with Chan. 

“Like Gabriel?” Felix settles on answering. Wooyoung cocks his head. “He’s one of the archangels from the Bible.”  

“Oh, that makes sense. Well, do you believe in him?” 

“I guess I do,” Felix answers slowly. Wooyoung raises his brow. “What?”

“Just … honestly I didn’t expect you to accept that so easily.” Wooyoung looks relieved, like a boulder has been lifted off of him. Felix feels like he missed a few steps.

“Wait, accept what?”

Wooyoung blinks once, twice, three times and then says: “Well, you’re like Gabriel. You’re an angel.” 

  Felix, you’re an Angel, Hyunjin always says. 

And Felix responds now the same way he always responds to Hyunjin.

“I’m really not,” Felix sighs. “I’m just nice.” 

“No, you’re an angel. A literal angel.” 

Wooyoung purses his lips. Felix studies his face for a crack, looking for the joke somewhere in a smile, but he finds none. 

“Okay, I know I said I believe in angels, but I mean from, like, a Catholic point of view?” Felix stumbles over his words, pulling vocabulary that feels clunky. “I don’t believe I’m going to meet an angel in real life. That’s not real.” 

Wooyoung leans back in his chair and lets his head tilt back towards the sun. 

“Angels exist; maybe not, like, Jesus angels, but angels nonetheless. People with an innate need to help and protect. Think of us like people with unique genes or crazy high IQs. Angels used to be more common, but across all of history, the gene has been slowly dying out, either because of human violence against the angels or simply because it’s harder to keep someone good enough for them to reach angel maturity.” 

The whole time Woooyoung is speaking, Felix is alternating between panic and a bizarre urge to laugh. What Wooyoung is saying is something out of a fantasy book, not real life. 

And yet, a pleasant tingle is slowly replacing some of the pain in Felix’s back, like even though his brain doesn’t believe it, his body does. 

“I don’t understand,” Felix says. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. “Hyung, this doesn’t make sense.”

Wooyoung takes a deep breath, looking almost frantic now. 

“Your back, your guilt, time slowing down. Those are all symptoms of angel maturation. Your members, I bet your family too, all call you sunshine, and it’s because you’ve always leaned towards goodness. I guess you’ve managed to keep enough goodness in you that you’re going to actually get your wings.” 

Felix isn’t sure if he’s imagining the sudden glint of wistfulness in Wooyoung’s eyes. 

“Wait,” Felix says. He gets to his feet and paces a tight circle, back and forth and around until he’s almost as physically dizzy as he is mentally. “Wait. This is crazy. Angels aren’t real. I’m not an angel. I’m having an allergic reaction and a- a- “ Felix waves his hands through the air as his panic crescendoes “-a mental breakdown at the same time, or something.” 

He stops when his relentless pacing makes him feel dizzy enough that he thinks he might actually faint. And then he realizes something. 

“You said we? ” 

Wooyoung has been watching Felix with an expression between concern and amusement. He smirks at the question. “Yes. I happen to have some inside knowledge.” 

“This is still …” Felix trails off. He doesn’t believe Wooyoung, because angels can’t be real. 

Wooyoung must realize the same thing. 

“Give me your hand.”

Felix lets Wooyoung turn his hand palm up, then places his own on top. Felix feels compelled to look Wooyoung in the eyes, and without having to be asked, they breathe in tandem. 

Heat builds between their palms -- not hot enough to be painful, but hot in a way that screams comfort. Hot the way the sand on Bondi beach, hot like brownies fresh from the oven, hot like the weight of Hyunjin wrapped around his body in a surprise hug. As it peaks, the circle of Wooyoung’s iris flashes brilliant gold. 

Wooyoung removes his hand and nods for Felix to look down. There, on his palm he can see a hollow circle of golden light, like someone tattooed liquid sunlight into his skin. 

His back throbs like something is trying to break out of his skin. 

“Oh,” Felix says. 

He sinks onto the ground. 

“Take a minute,” Wooyoung says softly, gently carding his fingers through Felix’s hair. 

He sits on the hard concrete of the rooftop for at least five minutes reminding himself how to breathe. He tries desperately to catch his train of thought, but it feels like a trillion different questions and fears are chasing each other around his head. 

Felix’s love language has always been acts of service -- to give and give and give until he’s empty. 

The back pain was subtle at first, and so much worse after the accident. 

Time literally slowed down, like the universe itself was giving Felix the chance to save and protect.

The images of the members dying -- they aren’t just particularly vivid daydreams, they’re instincts flaring, reminding Felix of his role. 

Oh God. He’s an angel. Wooyoung’s an angel. 

Finally, Felix sits up and speaks. “But you don’t have wings?” 

He can see immediately that it's the wrong thing to say. Wooyoung’s smile all but vanishes. Hot and painful guilt sears away the pleasant tingles, replacing the sensation with needle pain once again. Felix hisses. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix says. “I shouldn’t have said-” 

He hisses again at the pain, hobbling back to the bench. Wooyoung watches the way Felix gently rolls his shoulders, like he can shake out the pain. “Damn, it’s a miracle you haven’t hit full angel by now, if that’s the way guilt affects you. Hell, it’s a miracle no one else has realized you’re an angel yet.” 

“I assume no one else would think to realize that at all,” Felix mumbles. 

Wooyoung grins, but at the same time, his hand finds its way to his back, and his eyes seem to stare into the distance. “You’re right, I don’t have wings. That’s why I have my scars. That’s actually why I brought you up here. I need you to listen to me so carefully, because this is literally a matter of life or death.” 

A cloud passes over the sun, but the chill that washes over Felix has nothing to do with the lack of warmth. Wooyoung’s jaw is set tight, like what he’s gearing up to say is going to cause him physical pain. 

“You’re right -- most people don’t know angels exist, or anything supernatural for that matter, but enough people do, and they … they aren’t content to just let the angels live. I’m not sure if it’s because we’re too powerful when it comes to protecting who we love, or if it’s because we represent a threat to natural world order, or because our existence could cause too many questions about what else exists, but what I do know is this: I have met five angels who reached maturation. Those angels no longer exist.” 

Felix stops breathing. Tears pool in his eyes and Wooyoung’s alike. 

“Sorry,” Felix sniffles, wiping away his tears, then instinctively reaching out to wipe away Wooyoung’s. 

“Don’t apologize,” Wooyoung chuckles fondly. 

“Who did you know?” Felix asks softly, warily. 

“My cousin, and four trainees.” 

Felix lets that information float over him. 

“When my cousin started developing signs, she was training to be an actress. It’s very common for angels to be helpful and nurturing, but also charismatic and outgoing, so a lot of us lean towards careers in medicine or show biz. Angel hunters know that they have a higher chance of finding us in those professions, so they scout out medical school and arts colleges.”

“Or idol companies,” Felix realizes aloud. Wooyoung nods solemnly. 

“Someone must have realized what my cousin was during her training -- she said she felt like she was being followed, and at first my Aunt and Uncle were worried that she had a stalker. The second she started showing signs of full maturation, she was abducted off the streets.” 

Wooyoung’s head falls, tears following soon after. “They’ve never seen her again.” 

“Oh, Wooyoung,” Felix’s heart breaks for his friend and for a family he doesn’t know. He scooches closer to his friend and rests his hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” 

“The trainees I knew less, but still. They just vanished. I assumed the first one just decided to leave, but I knew the second one a bit better. One day, he was called into a meeting and the next thing I saw, he was getting escorted out of the building. He looked … scared.” 

“Angel hunters,” Felix echoes Wooyoung’s earlier phrasing. “What do they want … with us ?” 

“No one really knows, but people assume it’s our wings,” Wooyoung whispers. “They seem to take angels before maturation, before they have their wings. The second my parents realized that I was like my cousin, they knew they needed to protect me. I had a close family friend who was a surgeon -- a good man, open minded -- and they paid him to … to…” 

Wooyoung’s voice wavers and stutters, but Felix thinks he understands. 

“They removed your wings?” Wooyoung nods. “Hyung, I’m … I’m so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine how scary that must have been.” 

“I was maybe thirteen or fourteen, unconscious for the whole thing, but sometimes I still get this urge to protect, and when that happens, it’s like I can feel them fluttering.” 

 Felix's back flares again in pain, the muscles and bones spasming.

“Oh my God,” Felix says, touching a hand to his back. “The pain. The muscle cramps. The pokes. Those are my wings?” 

Wooyoung nods mournfully. 

“I don’t have any friends that are surgeons,” Felix says, because he can’t think of anything else to say. Wooyoung smiles, but it’s still sad. 

“It’s too late for that, anyways. You’re too far into your maturation -- aka, too close to your wings bursting free.”

I don’t like the sound of bursting, Felix thinks. 

The cloud moves away from the sun, but the warmth doesn’t seem to alleviate the icy chill Felix is feeling. No, everything seems painfully, terribly logical. 

People, hunters, take angels when they mature.

Those people are never seen or heard from again. 

Felix is going to mature.

“So I’m going to be taken,” Felix says. Wooyoung immediately clasps Felix’s hands in his own. 

“No, Felix. Fuck, I’m so glad I ran into you when I did. If you had told the clinic doctor, that information would have been logged, and these people will hack anything -- they have eyes everywhere. You cannot let anyone know what you are -- not now, not ever.” 

Felix nods. 

“No, I need to hear you say it out loud. Say that you understand what I’m saying, and that you won’t tell anyone what’s going on.” 

“I won’t tell anyone at the company what’s going on.” 

Wooyoung exhales. “Good.”

“What … does maturation entail?” Felix presses two fingers to his neck, feeling the jackrabbit thrum of his pulse. 

Wooyoung stares up at the sun, unblinking. Ten minutes ago, Felix would have been horrified. Now, he doesn’t know how he could have ever missed the ring of gold around his pupils. 

“The idea behind maturation is that the magic in the body builds up, stronger and stronger; At some point, it becomes too powerful, and the maturation process finally occurs. The angel takes control of their abilities, and their wings are freed. If the angel doesn’t release the magic-” 

“They’ll die,” Felix finishes for him with a huff. “I’ll die.” 

All of his dreams, his life as he knows it. He will never play Mario Kart with Seungmin and Innie again, he’ll never make a pillow fort with Jisung or bully Changbin into cuddling with him. He’ll never make brownies with Minho again or watch Australian television with Chan. 

He’ll never get to know how Hyunjin’s mole would feel under his lips. 

Tears stream openly down his cheeks, and he doesn’t both trying to stop them; Felix is a faucet of feelings -- once the taps have been turned, there’s no turning them off.  

“That’s not necessarily true,” Wooyoung says measuredly. “Your wings -- I think we can help them. Normally, an angel can easily survive the maturation process if they’ve been given the proper time to train. Angel’s heal really quickly, so if you were at your full strength, you’d probably be okay.” 

“Don’t love ‘probably’ when it comes to survival,” Felix laughs hollowly. “And obviously I haven’t been training my angel powers.” 

“And no offense, but you don’t seem like you’re at your … physically strongest?” Felix chooses to ignore that comment entirely. Wooyoung points at him, “We will discuss that at a later date, but the point is, I don’t think you could get through the process by yourself. 

“I’m fucked,” Felix whispers. 

Wooyoung sighs and looks at him warily.

“There might be a way. Maybe. The only way you could stave this off -- and Felix, I’m talking completely hypothetically, I’ve never heard of anyone daring to try this -- is if you can prevent your abilities from getting triggered long enough that your body becomes convinced you’re dormant. I don’t know what the hell would happen to your wings, but in theory, you could potentially never fully mature.” 

“That makes sense,” Felix nods slowly. “So if I just push away everything that makes my angel instincts go haywire, I push away the maturation. Then eventually, this whole thing will just go away.” 

“Maybe,” Wooyoung corrects. “Maybe, Felix. I need you to realize that we don’t know if this will work in the slightest. If it goes wrong, we’ll need a contingency plan.” 

“Like what?” 

“I’ll … handle that,” Wooyoung says slowly. Sadly, even, if Felix is picking up on those emotions correctly. “Well, first thing’s first. What triggers your pain?” Wooyoung asks. 

“The members,” Felix says easily. “Obviously when Hyunjin and Minho-hyung were in danger, but I, uh, got into a disagreement where I made Minho-hyung upset with me, and that made everything worse too. When they worry about me, I get guilty, and then I worry about them, and it just …” 

Felix twirls his finger in the air to represent the cycle. Wooyoung grimaces as Felix realizes the implications. “So to avoid the triggers, I have to avoid my members.” 

“Yeah, that’s the tricky part. And not just that, you’d have to avoid feeling anything too strongly about them. I know I don’t know you as well as them, but I kind of get the impression that you would seriously struggle with that.” 

No fucking kidding, Felix thinks bitterly. 

But then again, he’s already avoiding Minho. And his mere existence scares the members half to death, it seems, so maybe …

Maybe it would be the kinder thing regardless, a mean voice says in his head. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t like it.” 

“Don’t worry about it, hyung,” Felix shakes his head. He forces a smile onto his face. “I’m going to figure this out.” 

Wooyoung huffs. “Wow, I definitely see why they all call you sunshine.” 

A cheerful chiming sound makes Wooyoung glance at his phone. “Shit, I’m supposed to be at the studio, like, an hour ago.” 

“I’m so sorry!” Felix jumps to standing. “It’s my fault, if I hadn’t kept you here-” 

“That’s another thing, you’ve got to stop apologizing. You know what, I’m going to make you a cheat sheet of stuff you need to know.” 

“I’ll await its arrival in my inbox,” Felix snorts. Wooyoung’s eyes widen. 

“No, Felix, you cannot talk about any of this stuff in texts or on the phone or anything.” 

“Right,” Felix feels himself blushing. “Duh.” 

“If you need me for something, text me a sentence with the word ‘feathers’ in it, okay?” Wooyoung says as they make their way back to the elevator. “I’ll do everything in my power to find you in person and help.” 

The elevator dings and they both get in. Wooyoung presses a finger to his lips and points up at the security camera. Felix nods. 

As soon as they’re out on the street, Wooyoung pulls Felix into a hug, mindful to avoid brushing against his upper back too much. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Felix says softly. “And I really am so sorry about your cousin, your wings, the other trainees-”

“Of course,” Wooyoung smiles. “Anything I can do to help. It’ll be nice to have another one of us around. I’ll get you that guide as soon as I can.” 

Felix grins at him as they pull away. Wooyoung visibly softens. “You’re gonna kill someone with that smile.” 

“I’m just gonna focus on keeping myself alive,” Felix says. 

As soon as Wooyoung is out of sight, Felix walks to a nearby bench, digs in his bag for his notebook, and writes down three things.

1. Avoid big feelings.
2. Avoid the members, and any big conversations with them.
3. Don’t. Say. Shit. 
4. Don’t let the members figure out what’s going on. 

“Well,” Felix says, tilting his face up towards the sun. “I’m definitely fucked.” 

Notes:

Well ... here we are. A mysterious threat, an impossible plan, and a painfully unresolved Minlix conflict.

(Not gonna lie, I'm not thrilled with how this turned out, but the context was necessary. Hopefully it wasn't super painful to read!)

Also, hi Wooyoung! Welcome to the fic!

Things are going to ramp up a bit from here in the angst department, so stay tuned. The next chapter is halfway done with some cutie-pie Hyunlix content and some cutie-pie Felix-sucking-at-lying content.

Chapter 4: i feel like there's something coming over me

Summary:

Felix tries to figure out how he will keep his newfound identity a secret, not only from the world but from his members.

Distancing himself from Stray Kids? That's a challenge he never expected having to face.

Notes:

Delivering on angst, but finally delivering on some of the 'comfort' in that hurt/comfort tag. I truly debated on splitting this into two chapters, but I needed some of the comfort to happen sooner than later for y'all, so I apologize for the length!

Like last time, a bit of ED language.

Also, thank you all so much for the kudos and comments! They seriously make my entire day every single time. As per usual, unbeta-read (and often written at 2 am, though I do proofread before posting).

Also !! Italicized dialogue is in English. Probably should have made that clearer a few chapters ago.

I’m an angel. 

The thought is like a new heart beat. When Felix walks back to his apartment after speaking with Wooyoung, he hears it in every footstep. When he gets home and showers, he hears it in the water pipes. He hears it in the snap of rice cakes later that evening, in the background sound of the anime he’s been watching, in the quiet knock from Seungmin at his door ( Lix? You up? And then I guess he’s asleep already. )

He can’t seem to do anything without remembering, in icy-cold shock, what he is. When he’s at the studio the next day recording some backing vocals, he’s thinking about the fact that he’s an angel. When he’s numbly running through choreography in the afternoon, he’s thinking about the wings that are growing beneath his skin. When he’s getting measurements taken for fashion week, he’s wondering how the hell he’ll explain to the stylists why his back looks like it’s on fire. 

He’ll take the shock and panic, though, over the fact that he has to actively ignore his members. Felix -- the one who hates being alone, who is always diving for a cuddle, who holds hands with whoever ends up walking next to him. 

It would be comical if it didn’t hurt so badly. 

Felix finds himself engaging with the group chat more than he engages face to face. Thankfully, the new album (set to release in mere days), promotions, and tour keeps them all busy, but they’re a clingy bunch. 

 

Changlix Supremacy <3

Binnie: Hey, wanna hit the gym with me? I’ll buy you a smoothie after <3 

Lixie: Sorry hyung -- I have to meet with someone about the LV shoot next month! 

 

<3 ~ Bottoms on Top ~ <3

Sunshine 1: Haikyuu? Me + U + Snacks? I haven’t had twin time in ages! 

Sunshine 2: I wish Sungie :( I promised Innie I’d help him with choreo. 

 

He makes it through two days -- two whole days! -- with minimal contact, simply by throwing half-hearted yet unprovable excuses at his members. They’re understanding, of course; they all have schedules to keep up with for the group as well as their individual schedules. Felix is often sent on appearances and interviews, especially when the interviewer speaks English, so it’s in no way surprising that he’s a bit busier than the rest of them, and with the LV show breathing down his increasingly-pained back, he thinks he’s managing to avoid suspicious pretty damn well. 

He just didn’t think he’d crack on day three. 

 

that’s not very nice

Prince: Lix, I miss you ~ ~ 

Fairy: I miss you too Jinnie!! 

Prince: Then come hang out with me! I’m painting and I need inspiration. 

 

Fuck, Felix is weak. He stops in his tracks, thumbs hovering above his phone screen. He should write back that he has to record vocals, or meet with a manager about an interview, or literally anything else that keeps him away from Hyunjin. 

In the time it takes for him to mull over excuses, his fingers, betrayers they are, respond. 

 

Fairy: Of course, ur dorm? 

Prince: Meet me here in 30. 

 

Hyunjin sends him to a location pin to what seems like an entirely random spot in the city. He heads to the dorm to change out of his sweaty practice clothes and into linen pants and a loose, flowy top that looks like it came off the set of Pride and Prejudice. He winces as the material catches on his skin, but once it’s over his head, it's soft and more soothing than if he wore something tight. 

He grabs a protein shake from the fridge. In an effort to prove that he’s eating to the others, as much as himself, he’s started incorporating them throughout the day. It doesn’t seem to matter -- no matter how many he drinks, he feels exhausted and worn. Still, the day is bright out, and the chill in the air is just barely edged out by the warmth of sunlight on his skin. He rather enjoys his walk to the mysterious location on his map. 

“What is this?” he asks aloud. He’s in a quieter corner of the city, all industrial lofts with gardens wedged between. Hyunjin is leaning against the brick of one of the buildings looking effortlessly handsome. They could take a photo of him then and there, unedited, and slap it on the cover of Vogue Korea. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” Hyunjin grins when he spots Felix, immediately draping an arm across the younger’s shoulders. 

“It’s been one and a half days,” Felix shakes his head, hoping it’ll distract Hyunjin from the blush he can feel blooming across his cheeks. He’s like this with everyone, Felix reminds himself. 

Hyunjin leads them, arm still perfect and warm around Felix’s shoulders, into one of the buildings. It’s so dark that Felix has to blink several times before the room comes into focus. 

It's a small space in the sense that it’s narrow, one large room with only two doors at the back, but it’s mammoth in height. A spiral staircase leads up to a lofted area, where skylights let it dusty gold sun. The main room -- the one they’re currently standing in -- is host to a few bean bags chairs, a rickety looking table covered in art supplies and a takeout coffee mug, and a small kitchenette. 

“It’s an artist's loft,” Hyunjin explains. “I heard some of the designers at JYP talking about it -- it’s a free-to-use space, if you know who to ask.”

That makes more sense, as Felix continues to look around. A series of mannequins are pushed off into the side (objectively a bit creepy, in Felix’s opinion), and leaning against them is a stack of easels and canvases, some easily seven feet tall, others smaller. The space smells like dust and chemicals; it’s a nice smell somehow. 

“Come upstairs,” Hyunjin says, finally letting go of Felix. The absence of touch brings a flood of pain across his skin, reminding Felix that this is exactly what he’s not supposed to be doing. 

He’s whipped, he thinks, as he follows Hyunjin up the creaking staircase and into the loft. The walls are lined with shelves -- some filled with books, others with papers of every color. Hyunjin lingers at the one that contains tube upon tube of paint, though his eyes flit to the buckets of pastels and charcoals as well. 

But Felix is distracted by the sky lights. He sees now that the lights don’t just span the ceiling, but that they slant down to the wall. A hatch in one of them indicates that a person could fling the window open and, if daring enough, crawl out onto a small rooftop garden. 

“I thought you’d like that spot,” Hyunjin says softly, and much more closely that Felix had realized he’d gotten. Hyunjin’s breath tickles the hairs on the nape of his neck, and pleasant tingles radiate down his body. 

“It’s beautiful,” Felix answers shyly. 

“Wanna go out? Someone’s been tending the garden out there and the flowers just bloomed fully.” 

Felix struggles with the latch on the window for a bit before Hyunjin takes pity on him and opens it himself. The gust of fresh air and flowers is like heaven. Hyunjin holds his hand out for Felix, who hides his face (and blush) before taking it as he awkwardly maneuvers out of the window. 

The garden itself is perfectly cramped. Maybe seven by seven feet, and hidden on two sides by climbing vines. Pot after pot of flowers take up nearly every available space so that the effect is an explosion of greenery and color. There’s a plasticky matt on the ground with two lawn chairs on either side in the center of the garden. Felix walks towards the edge of the roof and peers down. There’s a park below with a massive tree, its branches yawning over the edge of the roof; Felix feels like he’s in a different world, like he’s a fairy, not an angel, in some kind of story book.  

A clicking shutter of a camera breaks Felix out of his daydreaming, and he turns to see Hyunjin holding his film camera. Hyunjin smiles sheepishly. “I knew you’d fit this place. I couldn’t have dressed you better for it myself.” 

The praise goes right to Felix’s head, then his back. “I thought you were here to paint?” 

“And you’re here to be my reference. Photos are helpful when my favorite model is too busy doing eight billion other things to sit for me.” 

Guilt, praise, guilt -- the emotional whiplash makes him dizzy. 

“I’m here now,” Felix offers. Hyunjin grins and nods to the tree. 

“Do you think I could bribe you with boba tea to sit on the branches?” 

“Depends, will you let me fall?” Felix teases. 

“You’ve kind of been the one catching all the fallen strays lately, don’t you think?” Hyunjin calls as he’s fetching a canvas from inside. He tosses it and a canvas onto the patio before emerging himself, twirling a pencil in his hand. “What’s with that, huh? Our own little superhero?” 

Felix ignores the pain -- he’s good at doing that, always has been -- as he hoists himself into the tree. It should be dizzying, being this high up with at least two stories between him and the ground, but instead it feels right. He positions himself at the juncture of the largest branch and the trunk where he can stretch his left leg along the branch while letting the other one dangle more. 

“This okay?” 

Hyunjin smiles into the viewfinder. “You’re literally an angel.” 

Felix doesn’t laugh, but he comes close. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he sat for Hyunjin, but they used to do it all the time. Often in the dorms, late at night but when they were too keyed up on energy from new-idol life to sleep. It’s not just Felix -- he knows Hyunjin has asked all of the other members to pose for him as well. Felix just likes to imagine that Hyunjin asks him more often. 

They sit in mostly silence while Hyunjin alternates sketching and photography. Occasionally he asks Felix to shift his position, to turn his head into the light and then out of it, or to reach a hand up towards the leaves. Even though the branch is objectively uncomfortable, Felix feels more at ease than he has in weeks. 

“I’m glad you said yes,” Hyunjin says. 

Felix preens and leans his head back against the tree trunk. “Yeah?” 

In his dreams, Hyunjin will toss the pencil to the side and rush to him, lay that strong, elegant hand on his leg, and confess that Felix’s face is the only thing he can ever fathom drawing. He’ll tell Felix that he feels the same way Felix does, maybe whisk him from the tree in a bridal carry and lay him gently on the floor of their perfect, private garden- 

“Innie cancelled on me and I’ve been itching to draw up here.” 

Poof goes the fantasy. Felix withers internally and fights against a wince of pain when his back starts to cramp. 

“Oh.” 

He’s trying for nonchalant, but word still comes out dejected and pouty. Hyunjin pauses. “I would have asked you, you’ve just been really hard to get a hold of lately. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to help me.” 

That doesn’t help at all. Now his back is twinging more.

Hard to get a hold of, absent, not there to help if something goes wrong, not helpful-

“Hey, Lixie, baby, what’s wrong?” 

Oh shit. Felix feels the cool watery press of tears at his lashline. 

“Nothing,” Felix says gruffly. “Sorry, I just … this position was hurting my back, and I realized I’m going to be late for my PT.” 

Hyunjin narrows his eyes. “Didn’t you just come from PT?” 

Shit. The pain is getting worse. This is the exact type of situation that Wooyoung told Felix to avoid -- situations with guilt and feelings and Hyunjin. He clambers down the tree in an instant. 

“Yeah, uh, with all the extra rehearsals, they want me to double up,” he lies. And boy does he lie badly, voice too high, words too clumsy. “Sorry, Jinnie.” 

“It’s … okay,” Hyunjin says slowly. “I just - are you sure that’s it?” 

Felix pauses as he’s picking up his bag, hand already braced on the window sill. He can see the early shapes of the tree and his body in light lines on the canvas. 

“You don’t believe me?” he finds himself asking. Hyunjin hesitates. He drums his fingers on the edge of the easel, clearly pondering what to say. 

“I guess I just get the feeling that you’re lying to me,” Hyunjin finally says. Fuck, Felix really needs to get out of here before the pain becomes too bearable to remain upright. “You’re … allowed to not want to say what’s going on, but I’d rather you not lie to be about it, you know?”

It’s such a fair request. 

Felix wants to crumble on the spot. He wants to let Hyunjin hold him like he did backstage and pet his hair and whisper sweet comforts in his ear. 

But there’s more at stake than just his dignity. 

“I’m not,” Felix says. He forces the muscles in his face to relax. “I’m sorry, Jinnie. I would never lie to you.” 

Hyunjin frowns. “You can’t promise that kind of thing, Lix. Everyone lies, even you. Badly.” 

Felix often pictures his relationship with the other boys like a deeply interconnected web. They have their overall dynamic as a group, all eight of them together, as well as smaller group connections. The 00 liners have a unique bond, 3racha, Danceracha, and Vocalracha have unique bonds; there’s the hyung line and the maknae line. And each of those group relationships only serve to strengthen the overall bond of the group. 

Their individual relationships, though, are key -- not only to the dynamic of their eightsome, but to Felix. He imagines golden thread wrapped around his heart, seven pieces stretching taught and warm from his members to him. It’s a silly visual, but when Felix is feeling especially scared or sad or lonely, he can picture those threads and practically feel the warmth of their binding in his body. 

Minho’s, as they stand now, feels frayed. 

And with horror, he feels an uncomfortable yank between him and Hyunjin. It makes the pain flare in his back so badly that he has to lean on the edge of the window to keep from doubling over. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix says. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry I’m going to keep lying. I’m sorry because at the end of this you might think that I hate you. You might hate me. 

Hyunjin sighs. “I just wish …” 

“What?” Felix asks when Hyunjin trails off. 

“Forget it. Hope PT goes okay.” 

Hyunjin turns his back, pencil immediately leaping to the canvas, and Felix bites back both tears and groans of pain as he leaves the first bit of comfort he’s had in days. 

The pain doesn’t leave him until six hours later, and Felix cries in the shower because he knows he definitely can’t be around Hyunjin like he wants to be -- not if he wants to keep a pair of wings from sprouting out of his back. 

---

Felix is totally handling things. He’s handling them well, and no one is worried. 

That’s what he tells himself, at least, until the members start catching on. 

Jisung is, unsurprisingly, the first one who seems to notice that Felix’s busyness is, even for a comeback season, a bit much. Jisung corners him in the bathroom after practice, begging Felix to not be mad at Minho and asking if he’d consider apologizing to him again and then doubling back and asking if Felix hates Minho. Felix stuffs his fingers in his ears, hidden in one of the stalls, so that he can try to escape the overwhelming guilt flooding his veins. He gives Jisung some  half-hearted excuse-slash-promise that sorry, he’s just been busy and he’s just giving Minho space but of course I can apologize again when things calm down a bit and then shit, I have to run, I’m late to something. When he dashes off to a Korean lesson that doesn’t exist, he can feel Jisung’s disappointment like a physical weight that clings to him for several hours. 

Jeongin is the next one. He and Felix are accustomed to squeezing in late-night Mario Party tournaments every few weeks. Normally, Felix makes ample time for their youngest; Jeongin’s affection can be prickly and hard to come by, and though Felix certainly gets an enviable amount of cuddles from Jeongin, he’s still a greedy man who wants as much as he can get. 

“Hyung, I was thinking we could play games tonight,” Jeongin bounces over to him as Felix is plotting his escape. “I even bought Oreos with peanut butter, I know you love them.” 

Felix’s stomach cramps at the idea of sweets, and he’s not sure if the sensation is hunger or revulsion. It doesn’t matter either way, he won’t be there. 

“I’m sorry, Innie, I’m feeling really tired today,” Felix says evenly. Jeongin’s face falls. 

“Are you getting sick? Maybe I could come and cuddle you to full health.” 

Felix’s heart sinks. “I think it’s better that I just stay by myself tonight.” 

Felix flees before he can see Jeongin’s reaction. He misses the look of bafflement on their maknae’s face, as well as the confused glances shared between Chan and Changbin. 

He’s withdrawing and they all notice, and at first, their worry is so sharp that Felix worries his wings will tear out of his back at any moment. It doesn’t help that Felix’s eating has declined -- he’s trying, he swears, but even the sight of food has him feeling ill, so there goes his last remaining sense of control; what’s the point of dieting if he’s not the one actively doing it. He wants to text Wooyoung about it, wants to hear that his lack of appetite is another angel side effect and not his own doing. 

Thankfully, the new album (set to release in mere days), promotions, and tour keeps them all busy. Felix finds it increasingly second nature to avoid and lie to the members, usually through the group chat. 

 

7 kids 1 dad 

Aegyo King: is anyone still at the building? I’m hunngrryyyyy 

Mama Cat: and water is wet

Devil Incarnate: it’s actually not wet, water makes things wet. 

Mama Cat: Kim Seungmin, I will physically fight you. 

Fetus: Uh oh minnie you made him use actual punctuation. I’ll start planning your funeral. 

The Drama TM : I think Lixie is still here? 

 

Felix chews on his lip. He’s in one of the practice studios, very much hiding; he’s been there long enough that the motion-detecting lights have long since shut off, but he doesn't mind the solitude of darkness. 

 

Sunshine: I’m at PT!! Sorry Binnie-hyung :( 

 

He figures he can get out of here and head over to the gym to do his PT exercises on the off chance one of the other members is heading there too. He quickly grabs his bag and presses an ear against the door, but he can’t hear anyone. 

With a deep breath, he tugs his beanie over his head, pulls up the collar of his oversized hoodie, and steps out into the hall. 

And directly into Hyunjin. 

“Ah!” Felix started. “Oh, hi Jinnie. Sorry, I didn’t see you-”

Hyunjin’s raised brow stops him mid sentence. “Funny, I don’t remember there being a gym in this particular practice room.”

“I was about to head over,” Felix whimpers lamely. “I have PT, and I didn’t realize I was late until Binnie texted.” 

“Okay,” Hyunjin says. “I’ll walk with you, I miss-” 

Felix feels the bones in his back shift and crackle, and yells: “No!” 

Hyunjin nearly drops his phone. Felix scrambles for an excuse. “No, sorry, it’s just that, uh, I haven’t been feeling well, and I don’t want to get you sick!” 

“If you’re not feeling well, you shouldn’t be going to the gym at all,” Hyunjin responds. Felix resists the urge to groan. He needs a half-truth. 

Or maybe he just needs to let Hyunjin believe he’s really was worn down and overworked as they all think he is. 

“Maybe you’re right,” Felix says quietly. Hyunjin visibly softens. “I guess I’ve been kind of out of it lately.” 

And also turning into an angel. 

“Just say that next time, no need to hide it from everyone,” Hyunjin says gently. 

You have no clue what I’m hiding , Felix thinks bitterly. Outwardly, though, he makes sure to plaster on a sunny smile. “I’ll see you at rehearsals tomorrow.” 

---

Eventually, everyone starts to come to him in their own ways. Chan is the most obvious -- he tells Felix that he needs him to re-record a line for a song, maybe five words total, an ad lib. The process takes all of five minutes, but Chan insists that Felix hang out for a bit. 

Chan promised that he wouldn’t ask Felix if anything was wrong, but he certainly skirts around the questions. A lot of how have things been? I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever and geeze, I really miss Australia. What about you? 

It’s no use. As soon as the concern in Chan’s eyes becomes too much, and Felix’s back starts to twinge, Felix claims that he needs to go help Hyunjin with a TikTok and bolts. 

Changbin’s approach is a bit more head on. I’m worried about you, you seem stressed, let’s hang out. Felix winces as soon as the conversation starts, and once again, feigns lateness to a meeting that doesn’t exist. He can only hope Chanbgin doesn’t ask any of their managers what the appointment’s about. 

Seungmin is silent in his concern, always watching; it doesn’t help that he’s the only one who can actually follow Felix home without pretense, but Felix can practically feel Seungmin’s gaze whenever Felix slams his bedroom door behind him as soon as they get to their dorm. 

Minho is the only one who doesn’t reach out explicitly, but even he is getting concerned by Felix’s sheer absence. He’d been avoiding eye contact with younger, too full of worry and frustration and a new, cloying fear that the closer he got to Felix, the further Felix would run from him. It was a unique form of torture, equal parts petty and logical. 

Hyunjin … Hyunjin must be the most hurt of all of them. Even without contact, Felix can’t shake the occasional twinges he feels when he thinks about the elder. Ever since their moment on the rooftop, Felix has avoided Hyunjin like the plague. He knows that it hurts Hyunjin when Felix flinches away from passing touches, when Felix exits a room as soon as Hyunjin enters. 

A week goes by, and Felix is miserable but he has to admit, the strategy works. If he doesn’t look at them, he can’t see their concerned gazes or hurt expressions. If he doesn’t interact with them, he can’t feel the warmth running along the imaginary gold threads of their connection, nor can he feel the spotlights of concern. If he isn’t engaged, he doesn’t have to wonder about nonexistent dangers or injuries or deaths. He just has to keep this up a little, maybe a lot, longer, and if at the end of it all, his members truly hate him … 

At least they won’t have to deal with you any longer … that mean, nasty voice whispers in his head. 

---

When Felix wakes up the morning of their big interview, the first of what will end up being dozens surrounding their comeback and tour, it is with a sense of doom so corporeal he may have well swallowed a boulder. He dresses casually, as the stylists will put them in TV-ready outfits once they arrive to the JYP building, and gives a cursory glance to his back in the process. He can’t tell if it’s getting worse or is just stagnantly red and bumpy. 

“You’re almost late,” Seungmin says when Felix emerges from the bathroom, fully dressed with his hair pulled back and face bare; without makeup, the circles beneath his eyes and the sharpness of his cheekbones are put into prominence. 

“Sorry,” Felix grumbles sleepily, grabbing a protein shake and cornsilk tea from the fridge. 

“Maybe Minho’s right,” Seungmin says quietly as they leave the dorm and head to the elevator. “Maybe you should eat a bit more.” 

Felix bites down his irritation, both at the nagging and the sting of guilt that accompanies Seungmin’s worry. He settles for ignoring him entirely, grabbing his over-the-ear headphones, and blasting music. 

Coldplay fills his ears and he closes his eyes the second they climb into the car, feigning sleep as the other members crowd the van. Even the indiscernible timber of their voices brings some golden, unnamable emotion to his chest, which in turn sends prickles up his back.

It’s too early to be dealing with these feelings already. 

His playlist ends, but he doesn’t dare turn on a new one. He doesn’t want the members to think that he’s awake and engage him in conversation. Unfortunately, that leaves the conversations happening around him unfiltered. 

“-doing okay?” Jisung is murmuring to Seungmin, both of them in the row of seats in front of Felix. Felix barely opens his eyes; the curtain of his hair has fallen across his face, so he can see general shapes through the strands, but his eyes remain mostly hidden. Jisung and Seungmin glance to the back seat, and Felix forces himself to stay very still. 

“I don’t know,” Seungmin whispers. “He … he never talks to me anymore.”

“I’m worried. He doesn’t look healthy.” 

“Guys,” Chan says quietly, cutting off their conversation. “Don’t talk about him behind his back.” 

A wave of fondness for Chan dulls the pain in his back just a bit. 

“Sorry,” Jisung and Seungmin mumble. 

“It’s okay,” Chan says. “We all worry.” 

That’s enough to send lightning up Felix’s spine, and he can’t help but flinch. He pretends it’s just him shifting in his seat as he ‘wakes up’, but he doesn’t take off his headphones just yet; he’s not trying to engage in conversation. 

The prickle in his back seems to travel up his spine and into his neck. His head seemingly turns of its own accord to the side where Jeongin is sitting. 

Something is wrong. He’s pale, and he’s chewing anxiously at his lip. The usual mischief in those crescent eyes is entirely absent. Jeongin wrings his hands in his lap and his leg is bouncing up and down so quickly that it’s shaking the row of seats he and Felix are sharing. 

He should say something. Should ask Innie what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to intrude, doesn’t want to put him in the very spotlight that Felix feels so paralyzed by. Still, it’s out of character. Jeongin is normally so confident about interviews -- the cameras adore him, he could do nothing but smile and he’d still steal the hearts of everyone in the building -- but Felix can’t let himself care. It’s basically the biggest trigger he has. 

Felix glances away quickly, but in doing so catches Chan’s attention. Chan narrows his eyes at Felix questioningly, and Felix flickers his own gaze towards the youngest. 

“Innie?” Chan says. 

“Hmm?” Jeongin hums. 

“What’s wrong?” Chan asks quietly. 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” He says. Lies. Chan starts to speak again, but Felix shakes his head minutely. He knows how much it sucks to be forced into talking. Jeongin glances in his direction, and Felix feels that golden thread between them pulse like a live wire. He looks away quickly, feeling guilty and bad and anxious and pain pain pain -

A weight, warm and comforting, presses against his side. Jeongin has scooched across the bench and is leaning just barely against Felix’s body, his arm on the back of the seat. Felix is weak, so fuckign weak, as he allows the maknae to pull him into a stiff side hug. 

Felix has to fight to not melt into the cuddle. God, how long has it been since he was touched so tenderly? 

They sit like that for a bit, Felix all the while avoiding the looks of confusion (Chan and Changbin), surprise tinged with betrayal (Jisung), and unreadable knowing (Seungmin). Hyunjin and Minho don’t meet his eye. 

Before Felix can come up with a reason to pull out of the hug, Innie scooches back to his seat; pain immediately flares back up Felix’s back, but he ignores it when Innie speaks.

“I don’t like the people that are interviewing us today. They were … rude to me before.” 

“What?” 

Oops. Felix didn’t mean to speak. He definitely didn’t mean to sound so angry. 

“What do you mean, rude to you?” Felix asks sharply. Jeongin flinches, but the rage is building and consuming Felix from the inside out. Who in their right mind would ever be mean to Jeongin? 

Chan shoots Felix a warning glare but he then nods at Jeongin to answer the questions. 

“They made fun of me … for my English, and …” 

“And what?” Changbin presses. 

“And my … eyes.” 

The response is instantaneous, an uproar of protests. Chan looks like he’s in physical pain, staring at Jeongin like he wants to lock him in a cozy room with a cup of tea for the rest of eternity. Hyunjin, too, looks like he’s at a loss. He reaches to the back of the van and takes Jeongin’s hand. “Why didn’t you say anything?

“I think it’s their thing, poking fun at people. I just didn’t know how to keep up with the conversation, and it didn’t feel funny at all. I didn’t think I’d ever have to see them again, so I didn’t think I’d need to mention it, you know?” 

The conversation fades into the background, a low murmur of comforting words and promises to be there with Jeongin this time. Felix doesn’t hear any of it -- all he hears is the rush of blood in his ears, the rapid pounding of his heartbeat. 

He wants to tear something -- preferably the interviewers who insulted Innie -- apart. He spends the rest of the car ride absolutely fuming, and when they finally pull up to the JYP building, he storms out of the car to keep from screaming. Chan catches up with him. 

“You need to calm down. I know you’re pissed for Innie -- we all are -- but getting yourself in trouble isn’t going to make him feel any better.” 

“Mhmm,” Felix grunts and nods.

“You heard him yourself, he’s okay.” 

“ But it’s still not okay that they said that, Chris, ” Felix growls. Chan tugs him to a stop, his hands coming to rest on Felix's waist. 

“I know, but Felix, there’s nothing you can do about it. I love that you care so much, sweetheart, but right now, the best thing you can do for Innie is keep calm and help lead the interview with me. If we make a scene, we’ll all get in trouble.” 

It makes sense. If Felix can take on at least a handful of the questions, the interviewers won’t be able to focus exclusively on Innie. 

The idea of helping and protecting does funny things to his stomach. 

“Okay,” he says, already pulling his headphones back on and turning his back on Chan before his back pain can flare again.

The stylists don’t love that Felix insists upon dressing himself, but maybe his anger is simmering too close to the surface, because they allow him to carry his outfit into the bathroom to change. His members give him a wide berth from the changing room to the studio in which they’ll be doing the interview. It’s too hot and too bright, and the stools upon which they sit are hard -- aggravating to Felix’s lower back. 

Jeongin is positioned in the back row, between Changbin and Minho. Felix shares center with Hyunjin. They don’t look at each other, but as the interview begins -- with too overly-cheery MCs -- their tension is put on the backburner. The interview progresses normally, at first. The members take turns answering questions about their upcoming album. They answer questions about the new dorm assignments (everyone makes fun of Seungmin and Felix’s no-cooking rule) and about what they’re looking forward to the most. That being said, it’s clear that the show’s gimmick hinges on mockery. Hyunjin has to dodge several comparison’s to kiwi fruit, and Changbin grits out easy answers regarding his physique. Felix feels like his blood is literally made of liquid fury, but they’re so close to being done. 

“Yongbok-ssi,” one of the MCs -- a tall, thin man -- turns to Felix with a sharkline grin. Felix’s expression never slips, still as pleasant as ever, but he grips the arms of his chair a little more tightly. “ Clearly promotions are taking their toll! ” 

Felix waits for a question, but the MCs just grin at each other and back at him. The members who aren’t fluent glance sideways at each other, but Chan, Jisung, and Seungmin all seem to sit up a little straighter. 

It’s not even close to the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to him, not by a long shot. “Yes, we’re working very hard to make sure everything’s ready for our tour.” 

“That explains the undereye bags!” the taller MC says. Felix laughs as if he’s in on the joke too. 

“Well, sometimes we stay up a bit later than we should practicing,” Chan adds, trying to take the heat off Felix. 

“How late?” the shorter MC asks, his eyes lading on Jisung. Ji smiles wryly. 

“Well last night, Minho-hyung had us rehearsing until three in the morning,” he answers finally. Minho pretends to try to swing for him, and they all laugh appropriately. 

“Three in the morning?” The taller MC gasps. “What are they feeding you all?” 

The shorter one smiles like a cat that caught the canary and waves his clipboard at Felix. “Well, clearly nothing.” 

The shift in mood is immediate. Felix thinks it’s a testament to their media training that no one lunges. Well, Minho seems to be thinking about it, and Hyunjin shifts in his seat until Changbin places a heavy palm on his shoulder. 

Chan recovers first. “No, not our Brownie boy!”

“If anything, we should all be eating healthier,” Jisung adds immediately. “I swear, Innie is living on cheetos these days.” 

“Like you’re one to talk,” Jeongin points an accusing finger, though his grin doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “I know you’re hoarding pudding cups under your bed.” 

Felix releases a breath bit by bit, but eventually the natural and familiar sounds of the members jovial bickering sets him at ease. He hates these kinds of interviews -- the ones where the entire point is to humiliate the members -- but he’s so proud of his members for having each other’s backs. 

He also loves when they all find their groove together, the bickering and teasing, the overlapping voices, and it’s a bit sad that he’s deprived himself of the real thing for days. Felix slowly lets his guard down. He answers a couple more questions -- one practical question about upcoming fashion events, one slightly meaner question about how the hell his hair hasn’t been fried off his skull yet. They should be wrapping up soon, and Felix feels hopeful. His back is hurting but not too badly, he was the only one to take a genuinely mean-verging-on-cruel question, and soon enough he’ll be able to feign sleep in the car-

“Innie,” the tall MC says, “We haven’t heard from you very much tonight. I have to admit I’m a bit disappointed -- I thought we had a really good conversation last time you were here?” 

Jeongin’s smile dips for a fraction of a second. When he smiles, it’s soft, like he’s trying to keep his eyes from squinting. 

“Of course,” he says. “I’m very glad to be back-” 

The MC switches to English suddenly. 

“ Why don’t you tell us what your favorite part of your promotions has been so far?” 

“What city are you most looking forward to touring?” The other MC piles on. 

“ What would you say has been the inspiration for your album-” 

“Uh- um…” Jeongin looks completely overwhelmed. His knee is bouncing again, so fast that Felix swears it’s starting to blur. 

“ Well? Are you not going to answer? ” 

And God, they both look so fucking smug. Like they’re the funniest, smartest men in the world for confusing a non-English speaker with rapid fire questions. Fire is burning under his skin, building and building until-

“ Come on, Iyen-ssi, why won’t you-” 

“Can you leave him alone?” 

The MCs freeze. His members turn in shock. But Felix can’t bring himself to feel shocked or aghast or even a little bit bad. 

“You think just because you can speak English and he can’t that you’re better than him? Never mind you’re twenty years older than him and have to make a living mocking people. Could you sing the way he can? Dance like him? Hmm?” 

The MCs don’t answer. They’re not meant to. Felix’s back pulses with righteousness. 

“Exactly, so stop mocking him. He’s a good fucking person and he doesn’t deserve that. Leave my members alone! ” 

And with that, Felix stands so quickly that his stool tumbles to the floor, and storms out of the room, down the halls, and into the Stray Kids self-appointed dance studio. 

The second he’s out of sight from the members, the reality of what he just did hits him. 

“Oh my God,” he whispers. His back flares again, the skin itchy and sweaty beneath the too-tight shirt. He tears it off without a second thought and immediately crawls into his oversized hoodie. The world feels like it’s spinning.

He needs to get out of here. 

No, he needs to go apologize. 

No -- he needs to make sure Innie is okay; and Chan, because fuck Felix just made this day so much harder for Chan- 

“ Lee Felix!”

Chan bursts into the room looking pissed. His hands are fists at his side, and his nostrils are flaring. 

“Channie-hyung?” Felix says quietly.  

“What the fuck what that?” Chan yells. 

The others burst through the door mere moments later. They all look varying degrees of shocked. Jeongin’s eyes look concerningly glassy and red. Hyunjin just stares at Felix like he doesn’t recognize him. Like he’s a stranger.

His back, his back, his back. 

Blood, bone, skull, death-

“I - I don’t know-” Felix chokes on his breaths. He might be working himself up to a panic attack. 

“Enough of ‘I don’t know’!” Chan snaps. “I’ve tried to give you space. I’ve tried to trust that you will come to me when you’re ready, and I’ve tried to pretend that it isn’t killing me to watch you waste away. But I can’t sit here and let you put the rest of us in jeopardy.” 

Not helping, not protecting-

“Hyung-” Jeongin starts, but Chan puts up a hand. 

“Don’t,” Chan stops him. 

“I couldn’t sit there and listen to them make fun of Innie,” Felix grits out. 

“I’m not saying it was okay that they did that,” Chan says sternly. “But that didn’t give you the right to throw a fit. Now Innie’s name is linked to that freak out. Now it looks like you’re overworked to the point of a mental breakdown. Now I have to talk to the company about you again- ” 

Chan freezes the second he realizes what he said. Felix blinks and feels a telltale sting of forming tears. “You’re … you’re talking to me about the company?” 

“What the fuck, hyung,” Hyunjin whispers. Chan shakes his head immediately. 

“No, Lixie, the company asked me about you. I guess there’s been a lot of chatter about your health and your mood. They wanted to know what’s going on.” 

Two emotions are battling in Felix’s head. On one hand, he’s horrified and embarrassed that Chan has been going to bat for Felix in ways he didn’t know. He hates that it’s being proven right -- he can’t slip, not even a little, or it will affect the entire group, but especially Chan. 

On the other hand, he’s terrified to know that people might be watching him. What if the questions being asked about him have less to do with his ability to perform, and more due to suspicion of what he really is. 

“What?” Felix gasps. 

“You have to believe me on this. I don’t want to make decisions on your behalf, but I also want you to be okay,” Chan says quietly. “I’m trying to respect your wishes, but snapping at reporters, even with the best intentions, is pretty out of character for you. It looks like you haven’t slept in days, you’re not talking to anyone, and I meant it when I said I wouldn’t make you talk, but the things the company were asking aren’t exactly untrue…”

“What did you tell them?” Felix whispers. 

Chan takes a deep breath, eyes hard and fists still very clenched. “I told them the truth. I told them that I think you’re overworking yourself, and that you need to take a break.” 

“What?” Jisung yells. 

“Hyung, come on, are you serious?” Jeongin scoffs. 

A break. A break from schedules, from pretending to be okay, from avoiding the members during every single rehearsal. 

A break -- maybe long enough that Felix can self-isolate, get his wings under control. He gives up what he loves for a couple weeks, and in return, he gets to keep the life he loves. 

“Fine,” Felix says. 

Jisung steps forward. “Lix, what? You can’t be serious.” 

“I’m not going to be able to change anyone’s mind,” Felix says, eyes trained to the floor. “I’m not overworking myself, but no one seems to believe that regardless. I’ll apologize to the managers. Innie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things worse, but clearly I did-” 

“Hyung, you didn’t-” Jeongin tries. 

Felix can’t be here any longer. The pain in his back is nearing the worst it's ever been, but even more, he’s starting to feel that awful sense of doom. Sure enough, the image before him -- Jeongin, eyes huge and nervous, flickers and glitches to one of Jeongin crumbled on the floor with blood on his sleeves. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix says. 

And then he’s running. 

Tears pool in his eyes and blur his vision, but he knows the halls of the JYP building by heart, and he crashes through the nearest bathroom door like a nuclear bomb. Given the silence that follows, he is blessedly the only one inside. He immediately slams the door of the handicap stall behind him, puts the toilet seat down, and hides his face in his knees. 

Hyunjin impaled by a metal pole-

-Minho’s legs twisted and gnarled beneath him-

-Jisung wistless, dead eyed and breathless  

-Innie, more IV tubes than veins, labored breaths that come uneven-

-Seungmin unconscious in the middle of the road-

-Changbin pinned beneath a barbell, gasping- 

-Chan, alone in the studio, dead to the world, to the danger- 

He threads his fingers into his hair and pulls, but the pain won’t stop the thoughts. Jisung watching him anxiously, worried about Minho. Changbin flinching away from Felix’s snappiness after offering a hug. Seungmin staring hopelessly at Felix’s bedroom door, and Chan tense and silent and so disappointed, his undereye bags more black than grey as the managers poke and prod. Innie jumping when Felix yelled, looking to the other’s for protection. 

And Hyunjin. Hyunjin stepping away. Hyunjin looking at him like he doesn’t recognize him. Hyunjin’s expression when Felix flinched away from the offer of his hug. 

This guilt is going to kill him. Scratch that, it is killing him. A new type of pain is radiating up his spine, deeper, more alien. It should overwhelm him more than the fear he feels for his members. 

You need to save them , a voice that sounds like his own insists. You hurt them, they’re hurting; you have to make them okay again. Go right now, go right now-

“Yongbok-ah?” 

Felix stifles his sob with his knuckles. Minho takes a few steps forward; from his shadow on the tile, he must be peering beneath the gaps in the stalls. Felix pulls his knees tighter to his chest. “I know you’re in there, Lix-ah.” 

Felix sniffles. He watches as Minho’s body appears, his hyung sinking onto the dirty floor, but not crawling beneath. 

He’s giving Felix his space. 

“I should have heard you out,” Minho says. “I shouldn't have ignored you.” 

Felix can only cry. He finds himself crawling down from the toilet and onto the ground so that he’s leaning against the bathroom door as well. 

“You never yell at me. I think it caught me off guard.” He takes a deep breath, and the silence between them seems to stretch, punctuated only by Felix’s barely-contained sobbed. “I know that I’m pushy with you. I can understand how annoying that would be, but I never really explained why, and if you’d let me, I’d like to do that now.” 

Felix can barely open his mouth without wailing. He tries to, and his back flares in agony again. He settles for knocking on the ground. 

“When I was a backup dancer, I was always so worried about being good enough. It didn’t seem to matter how much praise I received, I was constantly scared that someone was going to realize that I wasn’t good enough and my dream would be gone as quickly as it began.” 

Felix can’t fathom a world in which Minho isn’t renowned. He knows that every member of Danceracha brings something uniquely incredible to dancing. He feels pretty proud of his footwork, body control, and his ability to feel the beats of music as innately as his own heartbeat. Hyunjin moves with an energy that is electric -- like the dance itself is a live wire pulsing every inch of his body. 

But Minho hyung dances like he’s an otherworldly being. He dances like he’s a siren in the ocean. To imagine his hyung insecure about dancing feels almost laughable… 

Except Felix knows insecurity about as well as he knows his own name.

“I became convinced that if I wasn’t actively working to get better, someone would notice and kick me out. It went beyond practicing. I started dancing until three or four in the morning, only to wake up three hours later and rehearse until midnight. I was ignoring injuries, making them worse, and some part of me felt like I deserved the pain. Like all of the hurting meant that I wanted it that much more.”

Felix leans his head back until it thuds against the plastic stall door. A moment later, he feels Minho do the same thing. 

“When that wasn’t enough, I decided that I needed to work harder. A dancer's tool is their body, so I decided to control that too…” 

Oh. Felix’s heart sinks. His back stings with panic, and the image of Minho sprawled on the dance room floor shifts to Minho in a hospital bed, emaciated.  

“At first it was just a diet. The stylists had commented on how muscular my legs were, and I guess I took that as an offense. I figured if I cut out processed carbs and sugars, I could slim down a little. Then that led to cutting out carbs all together. There’s a month of my life where I barely remember anything except counting calories and trying not to black out.” 

Felix feels like he’s going to be sick, both with deep sadness for his Hyung and crushing realization. 

“Eventually, it all came to a head. I fainted during a dress rehearsal. I fought my hyungs -- God, I screamed at them -- because they told me I wasn’t going to dance if I was going to faint on stage. I ended up in the hospital, and even though the doctor’s told me that I was at risk of heart failure, I didn’t believe them. I couldn’t focus on anything except how angry I was that my peers -- my friends -- wouldn’t let me do what I knew I could do…”

“Do you wish,” Felix finally speaks, voice weak and raspy, “that they let you dance?” 

Minho thinks deeply. “For a long time, I still believed that they should have let me dance. I thought it was ridiculous that they were so worried; I was angry with them for pulling me from performances, even angrier that they made me work with a nutritionist. I’m not angry now, though.” 

“Why?” 

Minho’s hand creeps beneath the door. He doesn’t take Felix’s hand, but he brushes their pinkies together. “Because I saw you, and I realized how terrifying it can be to watch someone you love when they’re in pain.” 

“Oh,” Felix says. 

“When you fainted … I really saw myself in you. Whenever I saw you reach for a lower calorie option or whenever I heard the stylists comment on your image being ‘delicate’, I was so scared. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to convince you to stop, and that you’d end up in the hospital or … worse. But I can see that I went about it in not the best way…” 

Felix’s back spasms with guilt. God, this would be easier if Minho-hyung was just mad at him, but the realization that he’d been racked with guilt and fear of his own is sending Felix into a spiral. The sobs build up again. 

“Can I come in-” 

“No!” Felix chokes. “You can’t -- I’m sorry, I can’t-”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Lix-ah.” 

Minho links their pinkies together, and Felix breaks all over again. Tears continue to pool down his cheeks -- he wonders how he hasn’t run out of tears -- and every racking sob makes the pain worse and worse. He wants to tell Minho everything, wants to apologize for yelling when his hyung was just terrified and trying to take care of him the best way he could. 

But the pain is too much, and images are dangerous, and Felix knows that this situation is everything Wooyoung warned him against. 

“Whatever’s going on with you,” Minho finally says, “I will be there to help you through it. If you need me and if you’ll let me.” 

Felix links their hands and squeezes and cries. 

Minho doesn’t push anymore, but he stays. 

Felix will forever associate tile floors and fluorescent lights with pure, golden love. 

---

It’s hours later -- long after Minho departed with the same promise that he’s always ready to listen, and long after Felix scraped himself off the tile and walked slowly back to the dorm -- that he worries for the state of his back. He’s so tired that he barely remembers to take his shoes off at the entryway, so tired that he peels his shirt off halfway to the bathroom. 

So tired that it takes him a moment to realize what the small white tufts on his angry-red skin are. 

“Are those feathers?” 

Felix almost falls to the ground at Seungmin’s voice. His roommate stands in the center of the hall, his water bottle trembling in his hand, his eyes saucer wide. 

And Felix is so tired of carrying secrets. 

“Yeah.” 

Seungmin nods. “Um … does your PT … know?” 

Felix laughs, or maybe he’s still crying. Wooyoung will kill him if he finds out, but he can almost see Seungmin putting the pieces together, and he’s only so strong. 

“I haven’t exactly been honest about everything.” 

Seungmin wilts -- no, he relaxes? “You have no clue how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that. Okay, put your shirt on, make me some of that hot chocolate you and Chan like so much, and get ready to spill.” 

Felix is so, so tired. “Deal.” 

It’s going to be a long night. 

Notes:

Because I just needed Minho's perspective to shine through a bit. I wanted Felix to be able to properly apologize, but he's in a bit of a tough spot. The more quilt he feels, the more quickly he reaches his maturation. I would simply not do well.

I love Hyunjin so much in this fic -- and I feel so bad for him because he's going to be so confused for a bit.

I'm working on the Big ChapterTM (up to your interpretation of what that could mean). I'll probably end up releasing two versions -- the one I have currently written is objectively gory, but I'll probably post a separate version that's less gory and more vague.

But that's at least 1 additional chapter for now. We need Felix to suffer a teensy bit more. What a horrible thing to type.

Again, apologies for the length. This bad boy can fit so much angst in it!

Chapter 5: one little trip and i know that i'll fall

Summary:

The plan is in place: take a company-mandated break, avoid the members at all cost, and put this angel business to rest once and for all.

He just has to not speak to the members, not think about the members, and not lose his mind in the process.

(alternately: things go from bad to worst).

Notes:

Me last chapter: sorry for the length! definitely a one time thing!

Also me: somehow accidentally writes a longer chapter without meaning to in the slightest.

Thank you all very much for the kudos, comments, and interest! Apparently I hate you all, because here's 9000+ words of pure, unadulterated suffering.

That being said, next chapter is ! the big one ! and then we get some pure unadulterated fluff!

No major warnings for the majority, a bit of grossness at the end, and an odd sense of hopelessness throughout.

 

Day 0

“I don’t understand,” Seungmin says for the eighth time. It’s nearly two in the morning, and they’ve long switched from hot chocolate to a secret stash of soju and beer that Seungmin has apparently been hiding in his room. 

“I don’t really understand it either,” Felix groans. He’s flat on his stomach on the couch, his shirt off and a fresh layer of aloe soaking into his skin. He’s only had a bit of soju, just enough that his tipsiness distracts him from the feeling of air on feathers. 

(He made Seungmin confirm that there are, indeed, fuzzy, downy feathers poking through his skin. They’re few and far between, tiny in size, but the confirmation was nauseating proof that all of the suffering he’s been putting himself through hasn’t done anything to delay his maturation). 

“So angels exist, but they have to mature, and when they mature they get their wings-” 

“Yes,” Felix says. 

“-but the government or something is trying to get a list of all the angels to kidnap them-”

“Seems like it?”

“- but also there are angel hunters waiting to steal said angels for their wings?”

“That’s our best bet.” 

“And you’re not going to tell me who told you all of this?”

“Nope,” Felix says. “Sorry. I would, but he’d already kill me for telling you anything in the first place.” 

Seungmin whistles and flops back on the floor. “Jesus, Felix, how the fuck are you dealing with all of this?” 

Felix laughs. “Apparently I’m coping by pushing everyone away and yelling during live interviews.” 

“They won’t air it, you know. Your freak out.” 

Felix sighs and fiddles with a loose thread on the sofa. “Yeah, but Chan-hyung is going to have to explain why they have to cut it. Even if he didn’t want me to take a break, they’d definitely make me take one after today’s shit show.” 

“It was cool,” Seungmin says. “I’m glad you said something.” He sits up suddenly. “Hey, do you think that you freaked out because of your instincts?”

“Probably,” Felix admits. “I hate my fucking instincts.” 

“Why?” Seungmin looks genuinely confused. “Without your instincts, Hyunjin-”

“Stop,” Felix hisses. Skull, blood, bone- “I can’t think about it. Makes my wings hurt.” 

Seungmin snaps his mouth shut. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t feel bad either,” Felix winces. 

“So whenever you feel guilty, or whenever the members worry too much, your maturation gets closer?” 

Felix nods, looking pained. 

“That explains so much.” 

“I wish I could tell the others,” Felix whispers. “It would make everything hurt a little less.” 

“It’s good you’re going to get some time off,” Seungmin whispers. “No offense, Lix, but I don’t think you’d be able to pull this shit off if you have to keep up with full-time schedules.” 

“Offense very much not taken,” Felix laughs. 

“It’ll be easier this way, and I’ll help.” 

Felix sits up a bit at that. “How?” 

“Well, you’re a terrible liar, so I can lie for you. Think of me like an alibi-provider.”

“I can’t ask you to do that for me, Minnie,” Felix says tremulously. “Lying to all the members?” 

“They would understand,” Seungmin shrugs. “If it’s to protect you? They wouldn’t care if I kidnapped JYP.” 

“Keep your sick fantasies out of this.” 

Felix definitely deserves the pillow Seungmin chucks at him. They laugh too hard, the late hour and stress of the circumstance bleeding into mania, but it feels good to do something other than cry.

Day 1

Felix shouldn’t be surprised to see the urgent email in his inbox the next morning, but the sight of it ( Mandatory Conduct Meeting: Lee Felix x Management, 8:30 am ) still sinks in his stomach. Seungmin is either still asleep or long gone for his own schedule, so Felix shoots him a text on his way to the company. 

Chan stands outside of the meeting room. He might as well be wearing a t-shirt with the words I haven’t slept in 48 hours on the front. Normally, Felix would wrap Chan in a hug until Chan pulled away. Now, though, he doesn’t even think he can look at a member without furthering his maturation. 

Chan straightens up when he spots Felix, and his eyes flicker to the stiffness of his steps. 

“Your back?” 

Felix just nods. Chan chews on his lips, starts to open his mouth, but stops when the doors open. 

“Come on in,” one of the managers says. 

Felix doesn’t spare Chan a glance. He’s too worried he’ll start crying. 

The table is half-full of stern faces. Felix wordlessly sinks into the center seat, no use pretending he’s not the topic of conversation. Chan slides next to him. 

“Good morning, boys,” one of their Managers says. He’s directly across the table from Felix, likely the mouthpiece for this conversation. “Apologies for the early hour, but this really couldn’t wait.” 

“Of course,” Felix says. 

“Chan, you already know our stance,” the manager nods. Chan stiffens a bit, and Felix wishes he could absolve Chan of the guilt he’s clearly feeling. What options did he have after Felix’s very public meltdown but to meet with the managers? 

“I’ve spoken to Felix about what you’re recommending,” Chan says. The manager's eyebrows disappear into his hair. 

“Well, that makes things a bit easier. So, Felix, obviously your outburst yesterday was wildly inappropriate.” 

But the MCs’ behavior wasn’t? Felix wants to snap. 

“It was,” Felix says instead. “I apologize. I shouldn’t have spoken for Jeongin, and I shouldn’t have made the group look so unprofessional.” 

The manager nods condescendingly. “We’ve had some concerns brought to our attention across the last few weeks. Stylists and makeup artists claiming that you appear tired and underweight, choreographers saying that you’ve seemed distracted and overtired, and staff members asserting that they’ve heard you speaking more sharply that usual-” 

“It’s been a stressful period for all of us,” Chan suddenly says. “Felix is normally always optimistic. I don’t want him to get penalized for snapping occasionally just because we’re all accustomed to him being overly-accepting.”

Felix’s head whips towards his leader. Chan’s jaw is set and firm. He really believes what he’s saying -- what Felix has tried to explain ever since the car crash. Felix wants to hug him tight and never let go. 

His back hurts.

He drops his eyes. 

“That’s … understandable,” the manager acquiesces. He makes a note on the stack of papers in front of him. Felix watches as the manager hands the stack of papers to a man to his right who puts the papers in a briefcase. “However, the other facts still stand. Felix appears too unwell at the moment for us to confidently promote him in public situations.” 

Felix feels about two feet tall. 

Take the break, he reminds himself. You can’t keep this up without the break. 

A tense silence seems to bloom throughout the conference room. Felix closes his eyes, and for a moment, he feels like he’s back in 2017, listening as JYP eliminates him. 

“You’re being placed on a three week suspension.” 

Suspension, not hiatus. No public announcement, no missing concerts. Just three weeks away from everyone. Felix hears Chan exhale in relief. 

“You will not partake in any promotional activities, and you will only visit the studios for mandatory rehearsals if absolutely necessary. You won’t go to any interviews, you won’t appear in any videos, and your PT will be on hold barring any new pain. We want you resting in your dorm and nowhere else.” 

“Of course,” Felix whispers. It’s objectively ideal. 

He thinks he can hear his heart breaking nonetheless. One of the staff members slides a note across the table, and the manager nods before adding: 

“We will also be scheduling a full check up for you before you’re able to return to activities.” 

Felix’s eyes snap open. “What?” 

Chan looks at him with confusion. The manager just narrows his eyes. “Felix, we’re not blind to the risks of this industry. In front of me is a file from nearly seven years ago showing that you fainted and were admitted to a hospital explicitly due to a lack of nutrition. We will not put an artist on stage just to faint.”

It’s an obvious lie. What the manager means is: we have it in writing, which means this is semi-public information if the wrong person goes digging, and it will look pretty bad on our end if you have to go to the hospital again. 

“I don’t need a check up, please,” Felix says. “I … I have been eating more, the members were worried about me. And with the suspension, I’ll have more time to focus on gaining weight-”

“Yongbok, this is non negotiable.” 

Felix slumps back in his seat, his heart beating in his throat. He presses his fingers against his pulse point, then realizes that looks suspicious and pretends he’s just tying his hair back in a bun. Chan follows the action with suspicious eyes. 

Do they already suspect -- someone in the company -- that he’s an angel, and that’s the reason for the medical check up? Either way, as soon as Felix gets that physical, someone will know what he is. 

“Fine,” Chan says. “That’s fine, right Lix?” 

He’ll have to talk to Wooyoung. He’ll have to figure out a way out of the appointment. He has three weeks, give or take. 

“That’s fine,” Felix says numbly. 

The meeting concludes with a bit of a lecture from management that makes Felix feel like he’s in church, and then he’s rushing out of the room.

“Lix, wait up a sec.” 

Chan jogs to catch up, and Felix slows down his poorly-disguised attempt to flee. “Are you okay?” 

“Sure,” Felix shrugs. He fishes his headphones from his tote bag and starts to put them on, but Chan grabs his wrist. 

“I’m … I’m really sorry this is happening like this,” Chan says. 

Pain and guilt and shit, fuck, shit- 

“It doesn’t matter, Chris,” Felix says coldly. “It’s done.” 

Chan pulls back like he’s been burnt. “It is? I mean, uh, good. And hey, take advantage of this okay?” 

Felix needs to get out of here. Avoid the members, avoid the wings. It’s his brand new mantra. 

“Sure. Yeah.” 

Felix puts his headphones on, blasts his music, and turns away quickly. Not quickly enough to miss the look of absolute devastation on Chan’s face, but quickly enough that Chan misses the tears immediately welling up. 

He heads back to the dorm slowly. No schedules means no need to rush. He should eat something, but when he enters a 7/11, he only manages a single lap through the aisles before his churning stomach starts to feel more like nausea and he needs to flee into the fresh air. 

And collides head first into Hyunjin. 

“You didn’t answer my texts,” Hyunjin says sharply. 

Felix can barely look at Hyunjin without his back prickling. He fishes his phone from his pocket instead, pausing his music and scrolling to his notifications. Hyunjin texted him … a lot. 

 

that’s not very nice

Prince: Bbokie, I’m so sorry. Chan’s being crazy, we’ll stop the suspension, I promise. 

Prince: I know things have been weird and you’ve been distant but we’re here for you.

Prince: We all love you so much. 

Prince: And I know Innie appreciates that you stood up for him. 

Prince: So does Chan, he just can’t say it. 

Prince: Are you okay? 

Prince: Lix? Can you just let me know if you’re okay? 

[3 missed calls from Prince]

Prince: Seungmin says you’re asleep. Text me in the morning. 

Prince: Please. 

 

“Oh,” Felix says. 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin huffs. “ Oh. I was worried about you.” 

“You shouldn’t have been,” Felix says. “I fucked up, I got suspended, it’s done. Jinnie, I have to go, so-” 

Hyunjin cuts him off with a gasp. “Wait, you’re accepting the suspension just like that? When you said you were fine with it yesterday, I thought you were in shock or something.” 

“It doesn’t matter, Hyunjin,” Felix sighs. “The managers laid it out pretty clearly thirty minutes ago. I’m acting out and it’s too risky to put me in front of the cameras. It’s not like they’re wrong. I have to go, okay, and you’re late-” 

“No! Tell me what’s going on so I can help you fix it!” Hyunjin grab’s Felix’s hands between his own, his voice more desperate than Felix would have expected. “I’m not stupid, Lix, I know something is going on to make you act like … like-” 

“Like what?” Felix can’t help but snap. 

“Like you don’t even like us anymore!” 

This time, the back pain seems to travel all the way to Felix’s fingertips. He feels a familiar heat in his palm. If he opened his clenched fists, he’s sure that shining golden circle would be shimmering in the overcast light. 

“I …” Felix is overwhelmed by pain and panic. 

And in the time it takes for him to consider an excuse, Hyunjin’s face hardens. He lets go of Felix’s hands. 

“Is that it? Do you not like us anymore?” 

“Of course not,” Felix says, raw and thick. “I would die for you.” 

Hyujin’s jaw drops a bit. Felix swallows thickly. “I would.” 

“I … I know,” Hyunjin says. “It’s why I don’t understand why I don’t seem to recognize you anymore.” 

“Maybe I’m overworked like they say,” Felix says bitterly. “Maybe I’m just actually a shitty person. Maybe people change, Jinnie.”

“Not like this,” Hyunjin whispers. “Not you. Never you.” 

For a moment, they just stay like that, like the eye of a hurricane in the middle of the bustling sidewalk. Hyunjin wanting answers that Felix can’t provide. Felix wanting comfort that he can’t allow himself to ask for. And God, Hyunjin is just so beautiful and raw and Felix doesn’t care that they’re in the middle of the city, he wants to close this awful half-foot of space between them and--  

Hyunjin’s phone rings, and it breaks whatever spell they’ve been under. 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin asks upon answering. “Shit, yeah, I’m on my way. Sorry I got … sidetracked.” 

Felix presumes it’s one of the members questioning Hyunjin’s presence. He shoves his headphones back on and runs all the way back to the dorms, not even stopping when he knocks a woman’s briefcase to the ground, nor when he trips over the foot of a man sitting outside of the dorm. 

As soon as he gets inside, he tears of his stifling sweater, slathers more aloe where he can reach on his back (while wincing at the texture of feathers), and texts Seungmin: 

 

do not leave unsupervised 

Kitty: i think i’m going to need ur help after all. 

Kitty: i don’t think i can be around any of them 

Kitty: can you just tell them i'm sick or something? 

 

Barely ten seconds go by before Seungmin responds. 

 

Puppy: I’m on it. 

 

Felix sinks onto the couch. The sky outside is tumultuous, a churning pot of grey, bulbous clouds. It mimics the churning in his stomach -- nausea and guilt are becoming as indistinguishable as they are near constant these days. He drags himself to the kitchen and pokes through their pantry before queasily settling on an instant soup packet and tea. He eats absently in front of a drama Seungmin has been watching, but whose plot Felix is entirely unfamiliar with. Still, the familiarity of the theme song and dialogue lets him pretend that Seungmin is here with him. 

He manages to sleep the entire day away. When he wakes up, he goes right back to bed. It hurts less if he’s not conscious to think about how much he misses them all.

Day 2

“Why is it so dark in here?” Seungmin asks when he comes home late in the evening. Felix has long since given up the presence of doing anything productive; he doesn’t really know how long it’s been that he’s been sat, listless, on the ground, but apparently long enough for rehearsals to end. 

“Too tired to turn on the lights.” 

He can’t be bothered to open his eyes, opting instead to listen to the familiar sounds of Seungmin kicking off his shoes and unpacking his bag. The fridge opens and closes, and then soft footsteps are padding across the living room floor. 

“It’s been weird without you,” Seungmin says. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jisung trip during rehearsal so many times.” 

“I’m sure that had less to do with me and more to do with him being clumsy,” Felix deflects. He finally opens his eyes. Seungmin is sipping on an energy drink. “Kind of late for that, huh?” 

“Can’t help it, I’m addicted,” Seungmin sighs. “Did you shut your phone off?” 

“Yeah,” Felix admits. “After the interview, I’m too scared to talk to anyone and risk getting more feathery. Why is something wrong?” 

Seungmin sucks a breath through his teeth. “Well, maybe don’t turn it on, then--” 

Felix likes to think he’s a smart person, but before he can really think, he’s turning his phone off and watching text after text from the members ping across his screen. Most seem to be combinations of well wishes and stream of consciousness pictures and jokes; it’s a clear effort to remind Felix that he’s missed and to help him feel like he’s still very much a part of the rehearsal. He clicks through some of the conversation, avoiding Chan’s, which seems to be much more serious than the others given the Hey, let’s talk when you’re free sitting at the top of his inbox, and navigates to his chat with Minho. 

 

Meowmix

Cat: We missed you today. 

Cat: Hyunjin especially. 

Cat: You should call him, he would love to hear your voice. 

“Jinnie,” Felix whispers. Seungmin shifts uncomfortably on the couch and Felix looks up at him. “Is he okay? Did something happen?” 

“He just said he ran into you on the way to the company,” Seungmin says slowly; carefully, even. Felix raises a brow and Seungmin sighs. “He’s, uh, not super happy I don’t think? He didn’t say a ton about it -- didn’t say a ton all day, actually -- but he definitely knows you’re hiding something.” 

“They all do,” Felix whispers.  “I think I’m going to have to make them think that I hate them.” 

“Not that you hate them,” Seungmin says. “Just because you keep your distance for a few weeks doesn’t mean you hate them.” 

“It’ll look like it,” Felix says. His throat thickens with emotion. “Especially Jinnie.” 

Seungmin rolls over and props himself up on his elbows. “It’s worse with him?” 

“I can’t even look at him,” Felix chokes out. Seungmin, despite his usual teasing, reaches up to squeeze Felix’s hand. Felix sniffles and pulls away, expecting a pain that doesn’t come, but his body still prepares for.

“Sorry,” he whimpers. “Hurts to be touched lately.” 

“Oh, Felix,” Seungmin sighs. “Of anyone this could happen to …” 

He doesn’t finish the statement. He just sits there while Felix sniffles. Felix waits for the guilt to crescendo into agony, but he’s so tired -- tired of thinking, tired of worrying, tired of the pain in his back and the sense that his body is not his own. 

He’s so exhausted, that the guilt barely prickles his spine. 

Suddenly, Felix is very awake. 

“That’s it,” he whispers. 

“What’s what?” Seungmin asks. Felix jumps up despite the pain the movement causes and all but sprints to the fridge.There have to be at least thirty of Seungmin’s energy drinks in there. 40 mg of caffeine a pop, unironically sugar free in a way that pre-debut Felix would have loved. 

“What are you doing?” 

Felix pops the cap on the flavor labeled Electric Energy , but he barely even tastes the artificial flavor that might be raspberry, might be apple. He chugs the whole can, and before his stomach can protest too much, downs another.

“Lix, you hate caffeine,” Seungmin says, having drifted over from the living room. 

“Everything you just said about Hyunjin, about me being gone and the others being sad, should have made my back hurt really badly, but I think I’m so exhausted that my instincts aren’t as sharp,” Felix explains. He grabs another drink and Seungmin scoffs, taking the can away and handing him a different one. 

“Eclectic Energy’s my favorite. Take Pure Power.” 

Felix agrees. Pure Power tastes just as artificially ambiguous in his opinion. He takes a long swig and continues. “My point is, if I stay up most of the night, I’ll be too tired during the day for my Angel self to mature!”

“This is a terrible idea,” Seungmin says. “Like a really terrible idea. If your maturation is sapping away energy already, shouldn’t you try to rest more?”

“If I wanted to have wings and die in the process, yes,” Felix counters. “This is a good idea. Trust me.” 

Seungmin sighs. “That’s the problem, Lixie. I don’t.” 

 

Days 3 to 6

Felix doesn’t turn on his phone again, instructs Seungmin to tell the others that he’s got mono, and locks himself in his room for three whole days. Three whole days of energy drink after energy drink, of terrible spikes of adrenaline mixed with uncomfortable lapses of memory where his body forces him to sleep. He can’t stand to watch anything that reminds him of the members, so he ends up bingeing episodes of American Survivor. He subsists on instant soup, tea, and crackers. 

Eventually, he starts locking Seungmin out too. 

i’m sorry , he texts. it’s bad with you too. 

Seungmin just responds. I understand. Tell me if there’s anything I can do to help. 

His back hurts all the time, but at a low level -- barely a simmer. The feathers are annoying and itchy, but whenever Felix forgets about them and goes to scratch, the feeling of soft feathers against his skin makes him gag. Still, he forces himself to check on their growth. He’s not sure what to expect -- maybe the feathers will fall out when his maturation is adequately stunted? As it is, they’re still there, and his back is still red, but no worse than after the interview. 

His symptoms may not be getting worse, but Felix is. He’s deteriorating, and he knows it. 

 

Day 7

There’s a knock on the door. Felix ignores it, alert at the sudden sound, scared of who could be there, but then a voice bleeds through the wood. “It’s me.” 

Felix pauses. “Wooyoung?” 

“Yeah, you gonna let me in?” 

Felix quickly unlocks the door and launches himself into Wooyoung’s arms, lack of shirt be damned. Wooyoung gasps in surprise but recovers quickly, returning the hug and directing them into the living room. 

“Hey, Lixie,” he chuckles. He pulls back and his smile falls. “Oh, damn. You look terrible.” 

“Thanks,” Felix snorts tiredly. “Tea?” 

“How about I make some for you. I don’t think you should be on your feet for too long.” 

It’s a testament to Felix’s exhaustion that he doesn’t bristle at needing help. Wooyoung takes Felix’s mug (another Seungmin gift of overlapping, zoomed in images of the members muscles in case Felix, so he said, was feeling thirsty ) and grabs one for himself. Eventually he carries both mugs, now steaming, to Felix’s room. 

“Your back,” Wooyoung says. He doesn’t elaborate. 

“It’s bad,” Felix whispers. “I lost it a week ago during an interview, and that night - bam, feathers.” 

“Minho mentioned that to me. Said you really stuck up for your maknae, huh?” 

“I couldn’t not ,” he huffs. “The MCs were being so harsh with him.”

“No need to explain instincts to me,” Wooyoung waves a hand. “Can I see?” Wooyoung asks. Felix nods and turns. He swears he can feel the tiny feathers stiffening under a stranger’s gaze. Wooyoung audibly gasps. “Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten this bad? I told you to text me ‘feathers’ and I’d find you…” 

Wooyoung’s fingers tremble as he gently touches one of the feathers. 

Felix’s entire back spasms visibly, and Wooyoung gasps at the just-there shape of wings pressing from beneath his skin. Felix is up off the couch in a flash. “Did that hurt?” 

“I - I don’t know,” Felix pants. He looks almost green. “I think I felt them move.” 

“They did,” Wooyoung confirms breathlessly.  

Felix feels dizzy and too hot. “Shit, is that bad? That they … moved?” 

Wooyoung puts down his tea solemnly. “It just means that maybe your maturation is closer than we thought.”

“How is that possible?” Felix asks. “You said it yourself, if I stayed away from them and I laid low, the maturation would be stunted-”

“- Might be stunted,” Wooyoung cuts him off with a stern frown. “I told you that I had no idea if this plan would work. I came because my Aunt was in town and we got lunch. I mentioned your situation -- I didn't tell her your name or anything like that -- and while she agreed that the plan was good, she also warned me that if it didn’t seem to work, then things will only be more dangerous when you do inevitably mature.” 

“No,” Felix shakes his head. He can feel the feathers bristling, even beneath his skin, and he can’t help but agree with their reaction. “No, it’s going to work. It is working.”

Wooyoung stands, hands in front of him like Felix is some kind of spooked animal. “Listen, I know you don’t want to hear this, but we should come up with a plan of what to do if things go wrong.”

“Like what?” Felix asks hollowly. “Pretty sure my options are limited-”

“Maybe you should go back to Australia.” 

For a moment, Felix just stares at Wooyoung and blinks. He’s imagining it, surely. Wooyoung wouldn’t seriously think that Felix could step away from Stray Kids. 

He wants to keep you away from them, a voice hisses in his head. He doesn’t want you there to protect him-

“I know your instincts are going haywire, I can see it in your eyes,” Wooyoung gestures to his eyes and draws a tiny circle in the air with the tip of his finger. Felix thinks of the circle of light he’d seen in Wooyoung’s irises and blinks rapidly. “Literally.” 

“I’m not giving up on Stray Kids,” Felix says. “You can’t seriously expect me to walk away from all of this, from my life, from them -” 

“Felix, if you push away your maturation, if it doesn’t go dormant but you keep ignoring it, you might die.” Wooyoung sounds like he’s close to begging now. “Let me guess, you can’t stomach any food, you can’t stay awake for more than an hour at a time?” 

Felix doesn't answer. His legs feel weak beneath him, but he refuses to fall and prove Wooyoung right. 

“Can you honestly tell me that you think your members would rather you be dead than be with them?” 

“I would!” Felix says immediately. No, sobs. Oh God, he’s crying, panicking even -- a staticky wash of fear coating him from head to toe. “I would rather die than live without them!”  He sinks to the floor, legs no longer able to hold his weight.

Wooyoung crouches in front of Felix. He tries to take his hand, but Felix won’t let him. “Okay, calm down, please-”

“Please leave,” Felix whispers. Wooyoung shakes his head, looking at a complete loss. When Felix speaks again, his voice cracks into a yell. “Please, just leave me alone!” 

“Okay, okay,” Wooyoung says. “Just … text me if you need me.” 

Felix curls in on himself and cries so loudly that he doesn’t hear Wooyoung’s departure. He cries until he runs out of tears, but even then, his body continues to rack with dry sobs. He cries and he cries and between it all, he wonders if this is God punishing him. 

 

Day 9

He feels like his skeleton is going to hatch. 

He hit a new streak: thirty-two hours since he last slept. Thirty-two hours of manic cleaning, dissociated movie marathons, and shivering attempts to exercise himself awake. Seungmin had simply sighed when he heard Felix playing on his switch at five AM, and then sighed somehow more loudly when Felix was doing the exact same thing at one AM that night. 

It’s working, though. Felix is so utterly exhausted that even Seungmin’s palpable worry barely sends prickles along his back. He accidentally flips to a playlist with Cover Me on it and manages to get to the bridge before images of the members start to flicker against his eyelids. 

Well, it works until hour thirty-three. It’s two AM, and Felix is so pleased that his plan is working that he doesn’t realize how comfy he’s feeling. He doesn’t so much get into bed as he does collapse onto the covers. 

He doesn’t expect to fall asleep so quickly. 

He definitely doesn’t expect to wake up in Hyunjin’s bedroom either. 

“Lix? Lix-ah, can you hear me?” Hyunjin’s murmuring, that notch between his brows deeper than normal. “Baby, are you awake now?”

“Hmm?” Felix hums in confusion. He snuggles deeper into the blankets, nose pressed against the pillow beneath him. It smells like spearmint and lavender, maybe something sharp like paint. He inhales like he can get high on the scent, then blinks himself into consciousness. 

Hyunjin is perched on the side of the bed, face soft and sleepy in the moonlight streaming through the window. Felix’s breath catches in his throat. “What -- why am I in your room?” 

Hyunjin laughs -- more of a soft exhale than a real noise -- and tucks Felix’s hair behind his ear. Felix instinctively leans into the touch like cat, and Hyunjin does it again with a chuckle. “I was trying to figure that out myself. Scared the shit out of me -- I was late getting back from rehearsals and when I walked in you were in my bed.” 

“Shit,” Felix curses, sitting up so fast that spots momentarily dance across his vision. Hyunjin pulls back in concern. “Shit, I shouldn’t be here.” 

“What?” Hyunjin says quietly. “No, stay. I … I haven’t seen you in so long.” 

Exactly the point, Felix thinks. “No, you need to sleep, and I need to get out of here.” 

Felix scrambles out of the bed, out of the gentle hold Hyunjin had him in. He’s wearing his pajamas still -- thank God he’d put on a shirt before he passed out -- and notices just how cold he is now that he’s no longer touching Hyunjin. 

“Wait a sec,” Hyunjin follows him to the door of his bedroom and grabs his wrist gently. “You seem scared.  You were, um, you seemed like you were having a nightmare? Did you come here for a reason? To talk?” 

There’s a hope in Hyunjin’s expression that Felix wants to hold gingerly in his hands; wants to stoke it like a small ember. 

“No, it was a mistake,” Felix mumbles at the ground. He can feel those prickles of pain starting up in his back, spanning his shoulders with renewed energy, as if his instincts truly took advantage of the rest and are more than prepared to flare aggressively. “This is a mistake.” 

Maybe if he was in a better frame of mind, not crashing from a self-induced caffeine overdose and reeling from isolation, he would notice the way Hyunjin’s face twists and cracks. 

“Fine,” Hyunjin croaks. Felix looks up, but Hyunjin’s gaze has turned icy, his knuckles white where they grip the door frame. “Fine. I don’t even know why I expected you to tell the truth anyways.” 

That golden thread, the once that curves in loops and swirls around his heart, snaps taught. Felix struggles to take a breath suddenly. “What?” 

Hyunjin squeezes his eyes shut and grunts. He looks like he wants to either scream or hit something. “Lix, I don’t know how many ways I can rephrase what’s wrong, please talk to me before you’ll actually let me help you.” 

“I don’t need help,” Felix says instinctively. It’s obviously the wrong answer. Hyunjin’s expression only turns stonier, and he seems to grow in height. 

“Then just fucking talk to me at all . You’ve been ignoring me for weeks, running away anytime you see me, and I know that the suspension is probably hard for you, but did you ever consider that it might be hard for me too? That I might miss you?”

Felix opens and closes his mouth like a fish. The tingling is starting up again, renewed by his rest. “I didn’t think …”

 Hyunjin laughs, but it’s not the warm chuckle Felix loves; it’s sharp, cold, a little mean. “You’re right, you didn’t. And I honestly don’t know what you want me to do-”

“Nothing!” Felix insists. He doesn’t want Hyunjin to feel obligated to go above and beyond for him. 

“Why can’t you just - ugh! ” Hyunjin leans closer to Felix, and Felix immediately steps back. Hyunjin watches the reaction with narrowed eyes.

“Does being near me hurt you that much?” Hyunjin asks desperately.

“Yes!” Felix answers. 

No, he screams in his head. But it’s too late. He watches that one, single word fly from Felix’s mouth to Hyunjin’s brain with the same strength as a punch. Hyunjin steps back, leans against the doorframe, and lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a dry sob. 

“And Minho was so sure…” 

Felix has no idea what Hyunjin is talking about, but it doesn’t matter. He watches the pain wash across Hyunjin clear as the moonlight still streaming through his bedroom window. 

“Hyunjin, you don’t understand,” Felix says. “That’s not what I meant-” 

“Forget it,” Hyunjin breathes. “Just go back to bed. Your own bed. I don’t know why you came here anyways.” 

He takes a step back into his bedroom leaving Felix in the hall and closes the door hard, not quite a slam but forcefully enough that Felix jumps. Felix swallows down his tears and turns to spot Changbin staring at him from his own bedroom. 

“Lix-ah,” Changbin says softly, his eyes studying Felix’s shaky posture. 

“You hear all that?” Felix whispers. Changbin nods, and Felix feels himself crumble. 

“Oh, Bbokie,” Changbin sighs anxiously. He tugs Felix into a hug and tenses when he feels how much Felix is shaking, how sharp the bones of his shoulders feel. “What are hyungs going to do with you, hmm?”

Felix starts to melt into the hug, but another zap of pain tears across his shoulders, and he flinches away. Chanbin looks equal parts wounded and concerned. 

“Sorry, hyung,” Felix rasps. 

And then he’s out the door, running to the safety of his own. He probably wakes Seungmin up in the process, but he doesn’t care. He grabs three energy drinks and two of the resistance bands he uses for physical therapy. He doesn’t bother trying to wipe away his tears as he makes his way back to his room. He knows they’ll keep coming regardless.

---

Mere hours later, Seungmin rouses from sleep and mentally prepares himself for another day of vocal rehearsals. He trudges to the bathroom but stops short when he sees that Felix’s door is ajar. He can’t help but peek in -- it’s been days since he laid eyes on Felix, and his worry for his roommate is now a near constant. He nudges the door open with his toe and bites back the noise of pain that rises in his throat. 

Felix sits stiffly on his bed, two empty energy drinks on the nightstand and one loosely gripped in Felix’s hand. The man’s head lolls to the side, jerking upright every few seocnds. Seungmin holds his breath as Felix shakes his head and takes a shaky sip of from the can. He has two resistance bands looped around each ankle and the bed posts, effectively keeping him tethered to the bed. Seungmin frowns at the sight, wondering what the hell caused Felix to literally tie himself down. 

He steps away quietly before Felix notices his presence and stares numbly at his phone as soon as he’s in the bedroom. He likes to think he’s pretty logical, but seeing Felix in such a state has him panicking. 

He takes out his phone, opens his chat with Chan. 

 

the generation gap

Youth: Don’t ask why, but I need you to tell management that we need Felix at a rehearsal. 

 

For a few minutes, there’s no response, and Seungmin absently brushes his teeth and 

washed his face. Finally, his phone buzzes against the marble counter. 

 

Old Man: ???

Old Man: Should I be worried? 

 

Seungmin sighs. Felix would be furious if he knew what Seungmin was doing. He doesn’t really get all this angel business, but neither does Felix. What Seungmin does know is that Felix is officially moving past stupidity and well into the realm of dangerously reckless. 

Finally he responds. 

 

Youth: Maybe not

Youth: But for what it is

Youth: I’m worried.  

 

Day 10

Chan sighs and drops his head against the desk of his studio. Insomnia is no stranger to him -- if anything, insomnia has been a near and dear friend for years -- but it’s been especially terrible for the past month. Felix’s suspension has been weighing particularly heavily on him. He can’t shake the way Felix just accepted the suspension with zero pushback, save the fear about going to the hospital. He’s sent countless texts, despite Seungmin’s claim that Felix is too sick to look at his phone, yet not sick enough to need a doctor. Something is so obviously wrong, but he has no clue how to go about solving the problem.

Chan stands, stretches, and forces himself to do a lap of the building. He needs to get the pins and needles out of his legs, needs to drink water and eat something that isn’t an energy bar. As he walks, he considers the past few weeks. 

Minho had approached Chan with his concerns about the younger’s diet. Chan isn’t stupid, he knows the industry, and he’s seen what that pressure does to Felix before, but Felix is also a grown man, no longer the baby-faced teenager he once was. If Felix says he’s not restricting, then Chan will believe him. 

It’s just … something’s going on. Something’s going on with Felix and it’s affecting everyone. Minho went prickly and aloof for weeks after their apparent fight, and though he seemed momentarily better, he’s back to a strange, self-imposed vow of silence, seemingly only speaking to Jisung when necessary. He’s been oddly defensive of Felix lately, in the rare moments he does decide to speak up. Chan doesn’t know what was said during their conversation, but clearly it was enough to change Minho’s perspective.

Changbin has been touchy. Touchy and clingy all at once. He’s taken to kidnapping Seungmin into cuddles (and Seungmin, shockingly, lets him). But he’s been decidedly snappish with everyone save the two youngest and Hyunjin. 

Jisung is a wreck. Chan is seriously considering telling management that Jisung needs a break as well. He knows that Jisung has had to flee a couple rehearsals under the guise of needing water, only to return with red eyes and puffy cheeks. He’s taken to carrying his emergency anxiety medication at all times. 

Seungmin is … confusing. He is both worried all the time, but silent about the cause. Chan can only surmise that it’s about Felix, but when he’d cornered the younger about it, Seungmin had clammed up and said nothing. 

Jeongin is the one he’s the second most concerned about -- the maknae reacted poorly after hearing about Felix’s suspension. Chan had to talk him down from confronting management himself, and Jeongin had responded by kicking a wall. He’s asked every single member what’s going on, and has only grown increasingly frustrated at the lack of answers. 

And then there’s--

“Jinnie,” Chan says to himself. The tall body through the practice room’s window moves objectively more sloppily than normal, but Chan would know that style of energetic dancing anywhere. He sighs and slams over the door. “Jinnie, what the hell are you still doing here?” 

Hyunjin doesn’t give any indication that he’s heard Chan until he finishes the combo. When he does, he pads over to his phone and lowers the music. Sweat pours in rivulets down his neck. 

“You’re one to talk,” Hyunjin notes. “You’ve been in your studio all night.” 

“Do as I say, not as I do,” Chan mumbles. “Now seriously, what are you doing here?” 

“Dancing,” Hyunjin says sharply. “Is that a crime?” 

“No, but I’d prefer you not snap at me when I’m worried about you.”

Hyunjin moves back to the center of the dance floor. He’s practicing a tricky piece of footwork, but he keeps getting tripped up. Chan watches for a bit. “You should ask Lix to help you with that bit. You know he loves fast footwork.” 

“He doesn’t want to talk to me, let alone be in the same fucking room as me.” 

And that catches Chan off guard. The overt swearing, the hostility in his tone, the objective despair in his eyes. 

“Since when does he not talk to you? He’s like a barnacle when it comes to you.” 

Chan thinks it’s a cute thing to say, so he’s especially caught off guard when Hyunjin stops moving, hangs his head, and breaks into choppy tears. “Ah, shit, Jinnie, did you guys have a fight?”

But Hyunjin won’t say, so all Chan can do is hold him in a tight hug, feeling proof of Hyunjin’s emotions in the tears that soak through Chan’s shirt

“Jinnie, you’re scaring me.”

“M’sorry, hyung,” Hyunjin cries into his shoulder. “M’sorry. M’sorry.” 

Chan just holds him. Whatever is going on with Felix needs to end. Hell, he should have intervened more forcefully the second Seungmin told them that he was shutting off his phone. Once he’s dragged Hyunjin back to the studio, deposited his body on the couch to get at least a couple hours of fitful sleep, and sank back into his own chair, he texts Seungmin back: I’ll let management know. Tell Lix that we need him at the practice room tomorrow. 

---

Felix has lost track of time. His ankles are red and chafed from his makeshift handcuffs, his stomach is a pit of sour energy drink, and his back, while no worse due to his self-inflicted exhaustion, still twinges occasionally. He jolts out of a daze when he hears Seungmin enter the dorm, hears him put away his things, and then hears him shuffle to Felix’s door. 

“I know you don’t want to talk to anyone, but Chan told me to tell you that they need you at the company tomorrow. Just a practice, maybe two hours tops.” 

“Okay,” Felix calls weakly. Seungmin’s shadows moves beneath the crack of the door, but doesn’t go away. 

“You don’t sound so good, Lix.”

“I don’t feel so good, Minnie,” Felix says back. 

Seungmin’s shadow remains there for quite a bit longer, but he doesn’t say anything else. Just stays. 

 

Day 11

Felix knows as soon as he wakes up that today is going to be a mistake. His back is prickling with anxiety, and his mind feels like soup. Still, he forces himself into a loose top and shorts and takes his own car to the studio. 

Hyunjin and Minho are already inside. Felix can’t bring himself to watch them through the small window in the door. It hurts too much. Instead he hides in the bathroom until Seungmin texts him that they’re waiting. 

He takes a deep breath. He will walk into the room and start stretching. He’ll smile at the members each once, then he will get through rehearsal without crying. He will go back to the dorm, blast his music, and surely -- surely -- the feathers will go away. 

When Felix walks into the rehearsal room, he’s met with seven pairs of horrified eyes. Hyunjin steps forward and stops, only blinking in horror. Finally Chan speaks.

“What happened, Lix?” 

Felix can hardly stand to look at any of them and glances at his reflection in the mirror instead. The sight makes his heart drop. He has avoided looking at himself in their bathroom mirror at home, but the consequences of his isolation over the past week stares back at him in shocking contrast to how he remembered looking. His face is past pale -- it’s bordering on grey -- and the circles beneath his eyes seem sunken into his skull. The loose knit shirt gapes at the neck, and Felix is confronted with more of his skeleton than he’s used to seeing -- collar bones, chest bones, the rippling shadow of his ribs. 

And past all that are his eyes. Stay and the members alike comment on the sparkle that can normally be found in his eyes. Now, they look matte and glassy, anonymous lifeless pools of dark brown. 

Maybe Wooyoung had a point. 

No , the voice hisses. If you leave them, what will happen?

“We’re here to rehearse, right?” Felix says lowly as he drops his dance bag near the others. “I’m only supposed to be here for a couple hours.” 

“Should you be dancing at all?” Jisung asks. He sounds shattered, and the immediate pull between them causes Felix to look up. Jisung looks half way to a panic attack as he looks at his sunshine twin. 

“M’fine,” Felix says tiredly. He can’t even bring himself to smile. “Just want to get this over with.” 

He drops into a stretch, and the rest of the room slowly begins moving as well, though Felix feels the near constant glances that are being shot his way. Just two hours, he thinks. Just two hours and then you can be done. 

“Let’s go,” Minho says, though he sounds trepidatious. Felix feels the world spin beneath him as he forces himself to standing and trudges to his familiar starting spot between Jisung and Hyunjin. He looks up at the mirror and finds Hyunjin staring back. He hates you, the nasty voice hisses. 

Then why is he still looking at me, Felix wonders back. He can’t help but look back at the mirror-Hyunjin, sure that love and sorrow and guilt is evident on his face. Hyunjin’s expression cracks, the cold mask slipping away to reveal something different. Concern? Realization? Fear? 

The music starts, loud and booming, but before he can even take single step. 

“Stop!” Hyunjin yells. “For fuck sake, turn off the music!” 

The ensuing silence is deafening. Felix pants, shocked at Hyunjin’s outburst, even more shocked when Hyunjin is glaring at him. 

“Jinnie, what’s wrong?” Chan asks. Hyunjin scoffs. 

“What’s wrong? Are we seriously still going to pretend that this -” he gestures to Felix “is normal? What’s wrong with you, Chan? He obviously needs help-”

“He can speak for himself,” Felix interrupts. Hyunjin turns to him in a rage. 

“No, you can’t, because you won’t tell us what the fuck is going on!” Hyunjin shouts, but his voice catches at the end of his sentence. “You won't tell me anything.”

All of the members freeze, looking anxiously between Hyunjin and Felix. Changbin moves to put a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, but he shakes him off. Seungmin catches Felix’s gaze, looking at a loss. 

Chan looks like someone stabbed him in the chest and twisted the knife. He looks exhausted as his eyes rake over Felix’s body. Minho, too, is staring at him like he’s looking at a ghost. Maybe he feels like Felix is a ghost of Minho’s past, a ghost of the fears he confessed in the bathroom.

“It’s been days since you responded to a single text, since most of have laid eyes on you, and you walk through doors looking like you lost twenty pounds, haven’t slept, and fought in a war in the meantime. 

“I’ve been trying to rest during the suspension,” Felix says carefully, but Hyunjin is already shaking his head. 

“This goes way before the suspension. This goes back to after the car crash. You’ve been lying about everything for weeks.”

“What?” Felix feigns. Hyunjin points a finger at him. 

“Even that! That’s a lie! Like you don’t know that you’ve been keeping something from us! Say, Chan, what did you ask me about yesterday?”

Chan blinks at Hyunjin like he’s trying to wake up from a bad dream, but eventually he answers. “I asked you about the TikTok you and Felix had been rehearsing.” 

“Interesting,” Hyunjin says. “Felix and I haven’t rehearsed a single TikTok. Bin, what did you ask Innie about yesterday?” 

Changbin stares at Felix like he’s putting together a complicated puzzle. “I … I asked Innie if Felix seemed like he was getting sick when he was helping him with choreography two weeks ago.” 

“Lix-hyung didn’t help me two weeks ago…” Innie trails off. 

Felix feels like a caged animal. He’s backed into a corner, trapped, and he can feel his heart pounding at a speed that doesn’t seem particularly healthy. He looks to Seungmin, but his roommate just shakes his head, as if to say I have no clue how to get you out of this. 

Hyunjin is clearly on a roll. “He’s been lying to us for weeks. Lying about meetings, about appointments, about practices, and clearly about himself. I don’t care if management doesn’t give a shit, I’m not going to sit around and watch him work himself to death.” 

“None of us want that,” Minho adds snappily. “But cornering him like this probably isn’t helping-” 

“Then what will!” 

Surprisingly, it’s Jisung who yells this time. Felix’s stomach drops when he sees that Jisung is crying openly. Minho wraps an arm around his shoulder, but Jisung squirms away and towards Felix. “Don’t say you’re fine, don’t lie, just tell us what’s going on. I … I can’t lose you.” 

“You won’t,” Felix whispers. 

“I don’t believe you,” Jisung whispers back. 

“Bbokie,” Minho steps forward now, and his voice drops to a softer tone, and Felix feels something warm bloom in his chest; dangerously warm. “Please, just tell us what’s going on. What is making you act like this?” 

“Is it … did you relapse?” Changbin asks softly. 

“Did someone hurt you?” Jeongin asks, eyes round and shiny. 

“You know we won’t judge you for anything, right little one?” Chan says quietly. 

Felix only stares back. His back is starting to spasm again, a twitch beneath this skin of his shoulders. It’s like after days away from them, his body is overdosing on their concern, on his love for them, on that unnamable and untenable connection the eight of them have together. 

He sways on his feet, and seven pairs of arms reach forward to catch him. 

“That’s it, we’re going to the hospital,” Hyunjin announces. And suddenly, Felix is in the air. Hyunjin scoops him into his arms, and the feeling of Hyunjin’s body against his is immediately both pure comfort followed by agony. 

The hospital. 

Yeah, right. 

“Jinnie, let me go! ” Felix squirms. Hyunjin makes a hurt sound but doesn’t fight Felix, who all but jumps to the ground. “I’m not going to the hospital-”

“You need help!” Hyunjin pleads. 

“Hyunjin-ah, calm down,” Chan says. “You’re scaring him-”

“He’s not scaring me!” Felix insists. “I’m fine.” 

Chan turns to him. “That’s very up for debate, Lixie. Jinnie’s right, I shouldn’t have let this go so far. It’s been clear that you’re not doing well, and I should have gotten to the bottom of it way earlier.”

“There’s nothing to solve!” Felix wails. Hyunjin still has a hold of his arm. 

“You sleepwalked into my room,” Hyunjin says. “You … you were crying in your sleep. This is way beyond homesickness, and if you won’t tell me why , I can at least make sure you talk to someone-”

Pain, guilt, fear; bone, blood, skull-

“Jinnie’s right,” Jeongin says. “Even after the interviews, we should have known. Lix, you never shut down like this-” 

Death, pain, suffering; guilt, guilt guilt-

Hyunjin tightens his grip on Felix’s arm and starts to pull him towards the door; towards managers who will cars which will take him, kicking and screaming be damned, to a hospital, where anonymous angel hunters and government agents will steal him from, never to see his members again-

His back screams in pain, because if he’s gone, who will take care of his members. Felix screams too. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” 

Hyunjin gasps. Felix yanks out of the hold. In the ricochet, his arms twists back, snaps up. 

His elbow collides with Hyunjin’s nose. 

Hyunjin groans in agony and steps back. 

“Shit, Hyunjin!” Seungmin rushes to him. 

“What the fuck, hyung!” Jeongin looks at Felix in horror.

Hyunjin cups his hands over his nose, but it does very little to stop the blood that is rapidly seeping from between his fingers. The others rush to him, an overlap of panicked voices and fear. 

And Hyunjin looks up, finds Felix with wide eyes and a confused shake of the head. 

Felix takes a step back. Then another. 

A pressure is building in his chest, sharp and blooming. It’s an icy feeling so cold that it burns, and it spreads form his chest to his finger tips, across his arms, over his shoulders. 

I hurt Hyunjin, that nasty voice is back, and Felix realizes that it’s his own voice -- it’s been his own voice the whole time. I hurt Hyunjin. I did that. 

The guilt is crushing; no, suffocating. Felix can’t breathe. The members are staring at him now, and this time, it’s not with worry. It’s with fear. They’re scared of him.

“We need to get Hyunjin to a doctor,” Chan says coolly, his eyes still on Felix. 

Another step. The pain is new. Different. Worse than ever before, and he didn’t think that was possible. 

He needs to get out of here. 

Minho seems to read his mind, looks up with what can only be described as terror.

“Felix, please stay,” he half-warns, half-begs. 

Felix doesn’t listen. Felix runs; he runs from his members, from the JYPE building, through the streets of Seoul where surely someone will capture his agonized expression and hobblign gait, his groans of pain and whimpering sobs. 

He runs into the dorm and straight to the bathroom where he rips off his shirt. 

His back is not longer dotted with feathers. His back is bleeding, luminscent stripes of white feathers -- longer and bigger than the juvenile tufts -- are slowly but surely making their way out of his skin. He’s never noticed his shoulder blades before, and he guesses he’ll never notice them the way they were again. Now, strange angular shapes pulse beneath his skin. 

“Oh, fuck,” Felix whimpers. 

He doesn’t have his phone, it’s back at the studio. He has no way to contact anyone. 

Like they’d even want to talk to you again, the voice -- his voice -- whispers. 

He’s maturing now, and he’s alone. The pain is unbearable, and he's alone. The flashes of death, the fear of blood and bone and so much, begins again, and he is alone.

That’s when he starts to scream.  

Notes:

Well ... it's happening. Be honest, did anyone actually think Felix was going to be able to pull this off? I sure didn't!

I broke format a bit by including the perspectives of the different members. The story will continue to very much be from Lix's perspective, but the nature of some upcoming scenes require outside perspective for the scenes to actually be described! I also wanted to break us out of his very isolated bubble to get a larger scope of how worried everyone is and how all of the events have been effecting the other members.

Next chapter will be out Monday or Tuesday, and it's wing-time, baby. Like I'd said before, I'm planning on including my originally written scene here, but hope to post a un-gorified version as well for those who really don't want to read about body horror. When I post the gory chapter, I'll include more detail about what you can expect to read in the end-chapter notes so that you can decide for yourself if you feel comfortable reading it.

As always, appreciate you dearly, apologies for the typos that I'm sure are present, and have a delightful weekend <3

Chapter 6: i'm sinking in the deep end

Summary:

Maybe Felix was naive to think he could push his maturation away. Maybe he should have run away when he had the chance.

It's too late for maybes, though. His wings are coming. He just has to pray he can survive it.

Notes:

Well, here it is: the first true climax of our story -- I hope y’all are as excited as I am.
BIG TIME TW for gore/blood/injury/mention of dying. As promised, there is a toned down/less gory alternate chapter posted on my profile, but I must confess, it still makes mention of what’s happening, just without specific imagery, so if mere mention of blood and injury really isn’t your thing, it might also be a bit difficult to read.
In this version (not the alt), I’ve bolded two sentences where the roughest section starts and then ends. I might be running the risk of overwarning, but honestly my threshold for gore is pretty high (I’m a big horror/thriller fan) so I’d rather be overly cautious in my warnings! There is also a third sentence bolded, and everything after that should be relatively safe to read (especially if you want a bit of comfort)
Ultimately, if you feel like you just can’t read it (which I very much get), you can read the notes at the end of the chapter where I will summarize what occurred in this chapter at a high level!

Seungmin barely considers the optics -- all of the members are trapped between shock at Felix’s reaction, and concern for a very much bleeding Hyunjin -- and Seungmin just wants to figure out how to get out of here and go find Felix. He’s known that Felix hasn’t been doing well, but he didn’t realize how fragile he was. 

“Sit down, hyung,” Jeongin urges Hyunjin again. Hyunjin stands shakily, still wide eyed at the practice room door like he can will Felix into returning.  

“Or at least use a towel instead of your hands,” Jisung adds, wincing at the blood pouring from Hyunjin’s nose. 

“Ih e-lix o-ay?” Hyunjin asks frantically. Jisung presses a towel into his hands, and Hyunjin presses it against his nose then tilts his head forward. He pulls it away, and they all wince at the blood when Hyunjin repeats himself a bit more clearly. “Is Felix okay?”

Seungmin bounces on the balls of his feet, his eyes flickering from Hyunjin, who is looking at them all anxiously, and the door. He catches Minho’s eyes by accident. His hyung looks at him with scrutiny. 

“Don’t worry about Lix, okay? You’re kind of bleeding everywhere,” Chan says, but Seungmin doesn’t buy the I’m totally calm right now act. 

“Someone needs to go after him,” Hyunjin insists. 

“Hyung, he hit you,” Jeongin says in confusion. “Why are you worrying about him?” 

And Hyunjin stares at the maknae like he has three heads. “Because exactly that. Felix hit me. Felix, who once cried because Minho wouldn’t let him rescue all the ladybugs that were trapped in the dorm because we were late to rehearsal. Felix, who cursed out two MCs for you.” 

Jeongin winces at the reminder and hangs his head. 

“I think Innie’s just upset that elbowed you in the nose,” Changbin says quietly, but not meanly.

“It was an accident,” Hyunjin says. Changmin nods, agreeing. 

“It seemed like he was trying to get away and accidentally did, well, this ,” Chan agrees, nodding to Hyunjin’s face. “I don’t know what I expected, we basically cornered him. Maybe someone should check-” 

“I’ll go,” Seungmin says, right as Minho says, “I can check.” 

The two look at each other fiercely. Seungmin cannot let one of the other members find Felix -- if his back is getting worse, the last thing Felix needs is to be walked in on, feathers and all. “Hyung, please,” Seungmin says. Minho appraises him for a while but eventually sighs. 

“Fine, but text me the second you’re with him. I have a meeting about an Ateez collaboration that I really shouldn’t miss, and I won’t be able to focus if I’m not sure if he’s okay.” 

Seungmin tries to smile to show his gratefulness, but his worry warps it into a grimace. He looks at Hyunjin. “Go to the doctor, hyung. A broken nose really doesn’t match the concept for the new comeback.” 

The others laugh, but Hyunjin just levels Seungmin with a serious glare. “Go find him, Minnie. Please.” 

Chan nods at Seungmin once, and it’s all the cue he needs. He sprints all the way to the dorm. 

---

Felix can’t cry. Every movement, every inhalation, is agony. The pain isn’t even localized to his shoulders anymore; no, it radiates like an electric shock. 

“Fuck,” Felix groans. He can feel hot blood beading and dripping down his back, sticky and unpleasant and certainly staining his outfit and their bath mat. He’s going to die here, he’s sure of it. Wooyoung was right -- he should have left, should have run back to Australia, away from the prying eyes of paparazzi and staff members, and drained his bank account for a private surgeon--

The sound of a lock turning pulls Felix from his mental spiral. For a moment, he worries he imagined it, but then he hears the pounding of footsteps. 

“Felix? Felix, please tell me you’re here-”

“Minnie!” Felix wails, but even speaking is painful, and what comes out of his mouth is more of a garbled groan. 

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin calls from the hallway. Felix tries to answer, but all that comes out is a whimper. “I’m coming in.” 

He rattles the door, and the silence after he realizes that the lock has been engaged -- a huge Chan no-no, is deafening. Felix bites his tongue to keep from crying, cursing the way his secrecy is down damning him. 

“Felix,” Seungmin says lowly, “if you don’t open the door in five seconds, I’m going to break it down and call Channie-hyung. And Minho-hyung.” 

Felix reaches a weak arm towards the door, but the flexing of his back muscles is agony, and the scream that tears out of him is like a nightmare. 

“Shit, Chan is in a meeting. I … I’m calling the company.” 

“No!” Felix whines despite the pain, because he doesn’t want the members to know what’s going on, but the company can’t know what’s going on. Because they don’t let supernatural creatures perform in K-Pop groups. It seems like ‘they’ don’t let supernatural creatures exist for very long at all. “C-call …” 

He tries to say Wooyoung, but another spasm turns any words he may have said into a scream. He tries to stand, but the pain is so much worse, somehow, and his legs buckle beneath him. He hits the tile knees first with terrible twin cracks that echo around the room. He feels like he can barely see or hear, his other senses gone in favor of feeling, in favor pain and pain and pain-

The door slams open, the wood splintering at the hinges. Seungmin looks down with wide eyes and a hammer in his hand. Felix sees, through his pulsing vision, that the door is missing a solid chunk. Seungmin reaches through the hole he’s created, undoes the lock, and enters. 

“Oh my god,” Seungmin whimpers. Felix feels the blood sticking hot and wet to his back, can feel it beeding up at every single bump-turned-open-wound. “What the fuck happened--” 

“--don’t … call … them …” Felix pants. 

“I need to, Lix,” Seungmin says. His voice sounds thick and wet. When Felix looks up, he sees tears pooling down Seungmin’s cheeks and something like guilt burning in his eyes. “Please don’t put this on me. I can’t do this alone.” 

Felix drops his head, his own guilt pounding through him, another horrible need to help, because one of his members is in pain and it’s his fault. And maybe he’s selfish, because Wooyoung needs to be here, but he wants his members, wants--

I would burn down the world if it meant keeping you safe. 

Whatever’s going on with you, I’ll be there to help you through it.

“Minho-hyung,” Felix finally says. “Call … Minho-hyung …” 

Seungmin has his phone out before Felix can so much as blink, and then he hears ringing over the speaker. Felixs hangs his head. 

“Minnie, are you okay?”

Felix’s breath catches at the mere sound of his hyung’s voice. For a moment, the twinging in his back lessens, but then flares even worse than before.

“Hyung,” Seungmin says, and Felix hears all of the emotion clogging his words.

“Minnie? What’s wrong-”

“It’s Felix,” Seungmin says. “I need you to come here. Only you.” 

Felix hears shifting over the phone line, like Minho is holding his own phone closer against his ear. “Okay, okay, I’ll be right there. I’m with Wooyoung so let me just tell him-” 

“Bring Wooyoung-hyung,” Felix wails. 

“Lix-ah?” Minho’s voice comes from the other end of the phone. “I don’t have to-” 

“Please, hyung,” Felix sobs, even though the actions tear at his back. “Tell him … it’s about feathers.” 

Seungmin looks at him, bewildered, and then the puzzle piece clicks. 

“That’s who your friend is, isn’t it?” 

Felix nods. “Please, just bring Wooyoung.” 

Minho is silent for a moment, then says something unintelligible. 

“Okay, Bbokie, we’re on our way. Um, Seungmin, Wooyoung says to move Bbokie to his bed, okay?” 

“I don’t know if I can-” 

“You can, Minnie, I know you can.” 

The line disconnects, and Felix curls in on himself. The muscles in his back flex again, like they know what’s coming. A moment later, Seungmin’s face appears in front of him. “I’m sorry, Lix. We’ll try to make it as fast as possible.” 

Felix whimpers and shakes his head, but he knows. And if Wooyoung said they should move him to a mattress… 

“I’m going to lift you up by your arms and then you’re going to wrap your arms around my neck, okay? Like a piggy back. That way your back won’t get irritated.” 

Felix shakes his head again, but he’s already lifting his arms. 

Seungmin sighs, stealing himself. “Let’s go.” 

He doesn’t count down from three, and he doesn’t give any warning. One second, Felix is hunched there, wondering how the pain could ever get worse, and the next second, Seungmin is dragging him to standing, and Felix is realising that the pain can absolutely get worse. 

He screams, his throat torn apart to match the tearing of his shoulders. 

“My neck, Felix, you have to hold on to my neck.” 

Felix’s feet tremble atop the tile, but he obeys, because he always wants to do what the members ask of him. He barely has the strength to wrap his arms around Seungmin, even less so when he clasps his wrist with this hand, but Seungmin hikes him up at the thighs and practically runs to Felix’s room. 

“I’m going to put you down on your stomach, okay?” 

Felix tries to make his whisper resemble an assent. Seungmin sounds worried, I’m making him worried- 

Another wave of pain cornorts his body. 

“You’re okay, Lix, hyung is on his way-” 

Felix doesn’t know much time passes; it feels like an eternity, where all he knows – all he is – is pain. Pain and images of his members, like a zoetrope of suffering. He should be worrying about his back, about his ability to dance, about what the fuck he’s going to do if he survives this, about whether or not the feeling will ever truly end, but he can’t focus on anything other than the agony and guilt. 

Finally, Minho bursts through their apartment and sprints into Felix’s room. He goes white at the sight of Felix’s back. 

“What happened?” He gasps. Seugnmin can only shake his head, his own cheeks lined with tears. “Seungmin, what happened? ” 

“I found him in the bathroom.”

“H-hyung?” Felix whimpers. In an instant, Minho is at his side. 

“Lix-ah, you’re okay,” he coos. “Aegi, what happened? What’s going on?” 

“Hurts,” Felix says brokenly. Minho gently brushes his hair away from his sweaty face. 

“What happened?” 

Felix shakes his head. Speaking hurts, but he manages. “Wooyoung-hyung?” 

Wooyoung stands in the doorway, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he takes in the horror. Felix’s back is a bubbling splatters of red. He watches as beads of it swell and trickle in rivulets down his side. 

Minho can only continue to stare in horror. The shock of red -- so much of it, all over Felix’s body -- is slowly getting replaced by a determination to fix. He studies the blood, looking for an injury but not finding one immediately.

“Hyung, move,” Wooyoung says sharply. 

Minho is so shocked that he doesn’t question Wooyoung’s tone. He simply shifts to the side and lets Wooyoung crouch next to Felix. “Felix, I told you to tell me if things got worse.” 

“I had it - under - control,” Felix pants. 

“Clearly not,” Wooyoung says softly. He turns to the other two and Minho watches a steeliness harden the lines by Wooyoung’s mouth. “I need a first aid kit, an old t-shirt if you have any -- clean -- , and a bowl of water.” 

“What?” Minho says. “No, we’re waiting for an ambulance. Minnie, you already called one, right?” 

Seungmin doesn’t answer, he just hesitates and looks at Felix. 

“Give me your phone,” Minho says coolly. 

“I can’t, hyung,” Seungmin says tremulously. Minho’s eyes flash and he stands up, squaring his shoulders. 

“I’m not asking permission here, Seungmin. Give me. Your phone.” 

“Hyung-” Felix starts. 

“Minho,” Wooyoung cuts him off. “We don’t have time to explain, but you cannot call anyone about this right now.” 

“Have you all lost your minds?” Minho yells. “If you think I’m going to sit here and watch him bleed out then surely you must have-” 

“If you call an ambulance, you’ll never see him again.” 

Wooyoung’s voice is pure ice. Minho blinks rapidly and splutters. “Why?” 

The raw pain in his voice sends another spasm racketing up Felix’s spine. He feels his shoulders flexing beneath his skin, feels more needle-edged feathers puncturing through. 

“What is that,” Minho whispers when he sees the flash of white. Wooyoung walks over, pinches it between his fingers, and wipes away the blood. Felix jolts at the touch, and Wooyoung murmurs an apology. 

“It’s a feather,” Wooyoung says calmly. 

Minho worries that his rage is going to peak into physical blows. “I don’t find your jokes humorous right now.” 

“It’s not …. a joke,” Felix grits his teeth. Every word hurts, but he knows that he needs to prevent Minho from calling anyone. “Minho-hyung, please, I need you to listen to Wooyoung. It hurts too badly.” 

“Of course, Bbokie,” Minho says. The tenderness in his voice only reminds Felix of his love for his hyung, then the love for the others, then the blood on Hyunjin’s face; the way he’s hurt his members for weeks. 

If he’s going to die, he needs to try to make things right. 

“I’m so sorry for everything, hyung,” Felix chokes. “I failed you. I overdid it.”

Seungmin turns his head to hide his tears then flees to find the items Wooyoung requested. He doesn’t want Felix to see him crying. 

“No one’s mad at you,” Minho says. “Hyung’s not mad either. We’re all just worried about you.” 

“My fault,” Felix chokes on a sob. Tears roll steadily down his cheeks. “Made you all … scared.” 

“You really are an angel,” Minho says quietly. Then his eyes bulge. “Wait, you’re … you’re …”

The feather. The back pain. Felix blinks up at him with huge, pleading eyes, and a sudden ring of gold flashes around his pupils. Minho likes to think he’s a logical person, but the conclusion he’s hurtling too feels, at once, obvious and so, so right.

“... are you an angel?” Minho whispers. 

“Well done, Minho-hyung,” Wooyoung says softly. “I thought it was going to take you a lot longer to catch on.” 

Minho looks up at the Ateez member and gawks. “That’s not possible. Angels aren’t real.” 

Seungmin rushes back into the room and thrusts a first aid kit and stack of clean t-shirts into Wooyoung’s hands. He’s delicately cradling a bowl of water against his chest. “Here you go. And, uh, Minho-hyung, I know it’s hard to believe, but Lix-ah is definitely an angel.”

Wooyoung nods, taking the items from Seungmin, and then facing Minho with urgency. “Felix doesn’t have time for me to explain everything. Yes, Angels are real. I was an angel but they caught it when I was young. Normally, the gene is caught before maturity, but for those you don’t get their wings removed, their fate is worse. I’ve known a few angels who neared maturation only to go missing right as they would have reached it or right after they got their wings. I told your sweet little Dongsaeng here that he could maybe possibly try to push his maturation by distancing himself from situations in which he needed to protect you all, but his heart seems a little too big for that, so now we need to free his wings before they tear his back apart.” 

Felix whimpers. 

“Wait, what?” Seungmin asks. “Free them?” 

Wooyoung looks down at the boy on the bed. He should have seen Felix’s angelicness back during Kingdom -- the boy had a way of lighting up every room he walked into. He remembers how anxious Felix had been about potentially hurting Wooyoung during their stunt without a modicum of concern for his own safety. 

He really doesn’t want to cause Felix any pain, but it’s the only option. 

“I stopped by to see him a few days ago, and I could tell he was getting bad. I managed to visit my parents and got in contact with the doctor who helped remove my wings. He gave me advice about how to help Felix if his maturation spiked and his wings came. I had a feeling he wouldn’t tell me if things were getting worse, so I wanted to be prepared.” 

Wooyoung looks up at Minho, knowing how protective he is over Felix. “I’m sorry, but his body isn’t strong enough to do this himself. We have to try to help the wings free themselves.” 

Minho doesn’t seem to be breathing. He looks back down at Felix who is clearly choking back tears and pain alike. It’s insane. It has to be insane, but looking at Felix, covered in blood with feathers poking out of his skin … 

He’ll do anything to protect his Bbokie, even if it means believing in what he once considered unbelievable. 

“Painkillers,” Minho says suddenly. His gaze remains fixed on Felix, and he clasps his hands together to hide the trembling as he leans forward. “Lix-ah, where is your pain medication? That you had last year?” 

Felix opens his mouth, but anything he may have said is warped into a scream. The others all gasp as the bones in his back seem to shift of their own accord. 

“The medicine cabinet,” Seungmin answers for his roommate, dashing away and back at lightning speed with a small bottle in his hand. 

“Fast acting?” 

“Yes.” 

Minho takes the bottle and shakes out one of the small tablets. “Open up, Bbokie.” 

Felix doesn’t open his mouth, nor does he give any inclination that he’s heard Minho. His eyes are hazy, the pupils enormous pools of black, but Minho swears he sees another flash of gold in the thin ring of brown iris. Sweat sticks to his skin, and when Minho gently shifts Felix’s head, his cheek feels hot and sticky.

“Lix?” Minho pinches Felix’s cheek. “Yongbok, c’mon, come back to us.” 

Felix blinks hazily. A low groan rumbles in the back of his throat. Minho takes advantage of the parting of his lips to slip a pill in his mouth, then pushes the straw of his water bottle into his mouth. “Drink. It’ll help.” 

Help us slice through your skin , Minho thinks in terror. He’s spent the last week watching Felix like a hawk. He knows Felix is sensitive, gentle -- seeing him yell and being on the receiving end of that anger was shocking, and his harshness towards Hyunjin was even more surprising, but Minho knows that his own defensiveness can result in icy, cruel words if he’s prodded. If Felix has been dealing with this kind of pain for weeks, it’s a testament to his goodness that he didn’t do more than yell at a couple cruel MCs and snap at his members. 

“Okay, we need to do this now before his wings do it for him.” Wooyoung looks pale but determined. 

His wings , Minho reels. 

Wooyoung has upended the first aid kit onto Felix’s desk and collected an ominous selection from the mess -- medical scissors, gauze, disinfectant, and plastic gloves. All that’s missing is-

“Do you have a razor?” 

Seungmin gasps. Minho turns to his other dongsaeng, split between wanting to protect him from this and needing his presence here just as much. 

“I know it’s a deeply unsettling question,” Wooyoung apologizes. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” 

“Minnie?” Minho asks quietly. Seungmin jolts and shakes his head. 

“I … yes. I think Lix has a set for shaving.” 

When he returns from the bathroom, he hands the plastic package of straight edge razors to Wooyoung. Wooyoung snaps on the gloves and takes one of the razors. 

“I can …” Minho swallows hard to calm his shaking voice, “I can do it.” 

Wooyoung shakes his head. “I can’t ask that of you.” 

“You wouldn’t be asking,” Minho says. “I … I would do anything for him, including this.” 

Wooyoung smiles sadly. “But you can’t risk him associating the pain with you. You matter too much to him. Besides, I, uh, know what I’m doing, more than you at least. I know where the … where the wings actually are. When this is over, he needs to see you not holding the knife.” 

Minho hesitates, but eventually nods. “Okay, tell me what I’ll be doing. What you’ll be doing. I just … this seems really dangerous.” 

Wooyoung takes a t-shirt, dips it into the bowl of water, and gently wipes away some of the blood. It’s a testament to how out of it Felix is that he barely whimpers. 

“See the feathers?” 

Minho swallows nausea and leans forward. Without the sheen of blood, he can see the symmetrical swatches of small, white pinpricks that are slowly but surely poking through Felix’s freckles skin. The pattern of them is so obviously that of wings. 

“If we don’t do this … what happens?” 

Wooyoung gazes at the wall, his shoulders going taut. “The wings will free themselves one way or another. And if they don’t, for some reason, he’s at risk of an overload of power within his body. He would have to go to the hospital regardless, and even if he did survive-”

“They’d take him,” Minho finishes. 

“Yes.” Wooyoung traces the air above Felix’s back. “Right now, his wings are underdeveloped, smaller than they’ll grow to, but still wider than his shoulders. Thankfully, the wings are right there beneath his skin; that’s why he's having back spasms. As his angel side gets stronger, the wings need to emerge. We -I - will have to cut through his skin in the shape of his wings to minimize tearing.” 

“Oh God,” Seungmin murmurs and sinks to the floor, looking pale. 

“His body is meant to do this, but he seems weak to me. Like he’s not taking care of himself?” 

“The understatement of a century,” Minho can’t help himself from saying. 

“Well that’s why we’re here to help him.” 

“It’s going to hurt,” Seugnmin says quietly. He doesn’t need to phrase it as a question. 

“Very much,” Wooyoung says sadly. “Hyung, I need you to help keep him still. He’s going to fight it, even with the exhaustion, and I can’t risk … Well, I don’t need to tell you why this is dangerous.” 

Minho nods, but he’s losing himself to panic more quickly than he expected; the gravity of the situation is hitting him like a truck. This isn’t a joke, this isn’t a prank, Seungmin has yet to burst into laughter and shout ‘we got you, hyung!’ 

Felix, his sweet, precious Felix, is in pain, and he’s bloody, and he’s an angel - which frankly Minho has yet to fully grasp - and Minho has to sit here and watch - no, help - cause him even more pain.    

It’s either pain now, or you lose him forever. 

“Okay,” Minho says. He turns to Seungmin. “Minnie, I need you to go make tea and figure out what food we should order.” 

Seungmin sits up in shock. “What? No, hyung, I can help-” 

“I need your help getting things ready for once he’s awake. And you need to take my phone so that if anyone calls, they don’t get worried and barge in here.” 

And I can’t make you live with what we’re about to see. 

Seungmin looks like he wants to protest, but he just sighs. “Thank you, hyung. I’ll be in the kitchen, yell if you need anything. Seriously.” 

“We will,” Wooyoung says. 

Seungmin leaves and takes Minho’s last hope that this is all a joke with him. 

“Get some gloves, Minho.”

They end up moving Felix’s beg away from the corner so that Minho has more leverage in case Felix tries to squirm away. The last thing they need is him hurting himself even more by falling off the bed. They turn on the overhead light and position the bowl of water and t-shirts within close reach. Wooyoung pulls out his phone, scrolls through his photos, and pulls up an image of a young version of him, barebacked and turned away from the camera. Scars -- dark and fresh -- angle precisely in mirror images on the other side of his spine. Minho gulps. 

Finally, Wooyoung grabs the razor and takes a deep breath. “He’s going to bleed alot. I’ll need you to clear the blood as quickly as possible so that I can see what I’m doing.” 

“Okay,” Minho says. 

“Sit on his legs.” 

Minho straddles Felix’s, trying to put enough weight on them to keep him still without hurting him. The angle will allow him to hold down his arms and clear the blood. 

“We’re going to do this fast. He’s probably going to scream,” Wooyoung warns. “I’m really sorry.” 

“Let’s go.” 

Wooyoung leans over, his fingers prodding along Felix’s spine, higher and higher, until he pokes, and the bladoes of his shoulders move. Not, not the blades. Those are the wings, Minho realizes. Felix is thin enough that can make out the ridges and lines of  the appendages. Wooyoung hovers the blade a centimeter above where this wing must meet the spine, presses down, and drags. 

Felix screams. 

Minho gasps as the body beneath him bucks, like a horse threatening to unseat him. He leans forward and pressed down hard on Felix’s arms; he can’t tear his eyes away from the expression on his face: eyes wide and bulging, mouth torn open. 

Minho drags his gaze away from Felix’s face, but in doing so can only look at the line Wooyoung is carving. It’s too deep, it has to be. He wants to scream at Wooyoung to stop. 

And then the first finger of feathers emerges from the cut. 

“Good,” Wooyoung says, as much to himself as to Minho and Felix. “You’re doing great, Yongbok, you’re doing great.” 

Felix just screams again. He’s like a rabid animal. Minho can only pray that he doesn’t remember this tomorrow or ever again. Minho will spend every single day for the rest of his life fighting to make sure that Felix can forget this. 

How they’ll handle a potentially winged member in the group? He’ll figure that out later. 

Wooyoung taps at his phone screen to keep it lit up. He’s trying to match the scars in the photos to the fresh cuts on Felix’s back. 

It’s awful work. It takes them five minutes to make the initial incisions on the left, and Minho is swallowing vomit the whole time. It’s so much worse now that the wing has somewhere to go, almost like it’s a sentient thing that has tasted fresh air and craves it. Suddenly Felix goes still. 

“Yongbok? Yongbok, stay awake!” Minho pinches Felix’s arm. 

“I think he passed out from the pain.”

“Just … hurry, please.” 

“I need to make some cuts on the side,” Wooyoung says. “That way the wing can … get out?” 

“Why are you asking me?” Minho pants. “Haven’t you done this before?” He nods at the photo. Wooyoung taps the image again and snorts humorlessly. 

“That’s me . So I have experience being, well, Felix. I was younger than him, though.” 

Minho doesn’t really know what to say to that, only knows that the ball of fear sitting heavy in his chest seems to have tripled in size. If Wooyoung was forced to get his wings removed, and if he’s telling the truth about angels being taken from society … 

Well, he meant it about burning the world for Felix. 

Wooyoung works quickly and with steady hands; it does seem as though Felix’s body is trying to take his brain out of the equation. He whimpers, but his eyes remain closed, and Minho doesn’t have to fight nearly as hard to keep him still. THe small cuts Wooyong adds that branch away from the main one seem to give the left wing wiggle room. 

“I need to do the other side, fast. If one wing starts flapping, the other might try to join.” 

It’s ten more minutes; When Wooyoung starts on the other side of Felix’s body, the struggling begins again. Minho didn’t know Felix’s screams could get any louder, any more agonizing, but suddenly, they stop. 

Minho misses the screams. He never thought he would miss the sounds of Felix in pain.

“What’s wrong?” Minho asks. Wooyoung shakes for the first time, his steady hands trembling when Felix completely stills. 

“No, no, no,” Wooyoung murmurs. “Come one, Felix. Don’t do this to us.” 

“We need to - we have to-” Minho is panicking now. A still Felix is a bad Felix. 

Wooyoung opens his mouth to say something when music begins to play; muffled, but familiar. Get Cool, the chorus. A young-Chan’s voice, tinny through the speakers, but recognizable.

Immediately, Felix breathes. It’s a shuddering breath, rattling and wet in his throat, but a breath all the same. 

Minho’s heart thuds, and a warmth of love brings feeling back to his limbs. “Of course,” he whispers. He carely but quickly climbs off of Felix and rushes to his dance bag, which Seungmin must have brought to the studio, and takes out the phone inside. Chan is calling, apparently. Minho swipes the call away, navigates to Spotify, and types ‘Stray Kids’ into the search bar with fumbling hands. 

Cover Me plays, and the second Hyunjin starts singing the verse, Felix breathes again. “The music. The members. It’s helping him.”

“Sunshine,” Wooyoung whispers. Minho looks at him, and Wooyoung wipes a tear from his eye. “I get why you call him that now.” 

“It’s a lot of pressure for him,” Minho says. “But even at his saddest, he still manages to be so sweet.” 

“Then let’s make this count,” Wooyoung says. His fingers don’t tremble again. Watching Felix’s back shudder while Felix remains hovering on unconsciousness is grotesque, but Minho continues whispering meaningless comforts that Felix surely isn’t hearing, as the wings strain and spasm. 

It is ten more minutes of exhausted whimpering and blood. So much blood. 

Wooyoung steps back and places the razor on the nightstand; the second the razor is out of his hands, his whole body shudders and trembles. 

“What are you doing?” Minho asks. The wings are still very much inside Felix’s body. 

“He has to do this part himself. It’s important for the wing development -- if they can’t, um, break though , he won’t release his first wave of magic correctly, and he could become stunted.” 

“Stunted?” Minho asks. 

Wooyoung swallows. “He could die from an overload of magic in his body.” 

Minho doesn’t even pretend to understand. Instead, they watch, silently, as Felix’s whimpers turn to low, agonized groans and his wings protest more and more against their captivity. It’s two minutes, maybe, but it feels like years. 

Felix stops breathing. 

No , Minho thinks. 

“It’s okay,” Wooyoung says. “Give it a second.” 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Minho scrambles for his phone on the nightstand. His hands are shaking badly. 

“You can’t, Minho-” 

“I can’t just watch him die!” Minho yells. Tears finally pour over onto his cheeks. 

Wooyoung is crying too. The music isn’t helping anymore. 

Minho gets an idea. It’s a bit wild, but it’s something. 

“Hand me the phone.” 

It takes Minho a minute to understand the contact names in Felix’s phone, but only one person would be named Prince. 

“Lix?” Hyunjin answers before the first ring even ends. “Oh my God, are you-”

“Jinnie?” Minho tries to speak calmly, but his voice is shaking. He can hear Hyunjin’s intake of breath even across the phone. 

“What happened?” 

Minho swallows and tilts his head towards the ceiling to try to stop the tears from dripping. “Can you do something for me and not ask questions?”

Hyunjin must hear the desperation in Minho’s voice. “I - yeah. I can do that.”

“Will you talk to Felix? He, uh, can’t answer right now, but he needs to hear your voice.” 

“Minho-hyung, what?”

“Please, Jinnie,” Minho begs. “For him.”

“He’s okay, right?”

“He will be,” Minho lies. “If you talk to him.” 

“Of course,” Hyunjin says after a long silence. He clears his throat. “Lix-ah, angel, you’ve got a pretty hard elbow.”

Wooyoung looks perplexed, and Minho can only laugh. 

“I’m sorry I was harsh to you the other night. You just can’t understand how frustrating it is to see someone so kind and perfect obviously struggling, but not be able to help them. I feel like I don’t remember the last time I saw you smile -- properly smile, not the smile you use on Hyungs to get them to take us to ice cream or to make Stay go weak at the knees. Maybe, um, when you’re feeling better, we can go to that one ice cream place in Australia again? Do you remember? We snuck away, just the two of us, and you were so convinced that you could finish a triple scoop waffle cone. We had to lie and say you got food poisoning the next day because you were too nauseous to dance…” 

It’s objectively intimate and tender. Minho feels like he should leave, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Felix’s still body. Hyunjin continues to speak, alternating between stories of the past and hopes for the future. Minho never realized how much Hyunjin called him Angel and Baby, a myriad of pet names. 

And yet, Felix remains still. He doesn’t squirm or whimper. It doesn’t even look like he’s sweating anymore. 

He leans over and mutes the phone. “I’m calling an ambulance-”

“You can’t,” Wooyoung hisses. He unmutes the call. “Just a bit longer-”

“Was that Wooyoung?” Hyunjin asks. 

Minho is very prepared to say that, actually, he very much can and will call an ambulance, and that he likes Wooyoung very much, but he will happily knock Wooyoung out to get his Yongbok the help he needs-

But then Felix gasps; a rattling, desperate gasp that makes Minho both infinitely relieved and terribly scared. 

Felix’s eyes snap open in a flash of gold light as bright and shimmering as the sun, and then his mouth follows suit to unleash a horrible, banshee-like scream. The light from his eyes seems to flare and strengthen until Minho and Wooyoung are blinded. 

Just as Felix’s scream gets louder than Minho knew a voice could get, there’s a snapping sound, a flurry of rustling, and a wind that actually forces Minho and Wooyoung to take a step back. 

And then it’s gone. The light, the wind, the screams: it’s just Minho and Wooyoung with their hearts in their throats, and Lix, eyes closed, brows only slightly pinched.  

“What the fuck was that?” Hyunjin is yelling through the phone. “Felix? Minho, is Lixie okay?” 

Minho just opens and closes his mouth. 

Because where the blood was only seconds ago are a pair of brilliant, white wings. 

---

Felix feels so comfortable. He is warm and heavy and not in pain and he wants to sink into the mattress forever. 

“I’m making a list, okay?” A voice says. “He’ll need a lot of care when he wakes up. According to the doctor I spoke with, at least.”

“We’ll be by his side twenty-four seven,” Minho says. Felix smiles into the pillow. It’s a good dream if Minho-hyung is here. 

“I’m sorry I have to leave like this, but I don’t want to rouse suspicion. I ran out of a rehearsal for this.” 

And that’s … Wooyoung. Why would Wooyoung be in his dream? Don’t get Felix wrong, he’s very fond of the Ateez member, but normally only his members take residency in his dreams. 

“Wow, look at his feathers…” 

Feathers. Feathers. 

Felix’s eyes open like rusted doors being pried apart. Orange light is streaming through his window blinds. There’s a red shirt directly in his line of vision. No, not a red shirt -- a white t-shirt stained with blood. 

His blood. 

He tries to sit up, but immediately, two different hands stop him. He lets them press his weak, exhausted body back against the mattress. One of the hands trails gently up from his shoulder to the back of his head and starts tenderly petting his hair. 

“Oh Bbokie,” Minho coos. “What are we going to do with you?” 

Felix opens his mouth to say something sassy, but he’s asleep before he can think of the words. 

---

When he opens his eyes again, the sun seems to be rising. The bloody t-shirt is gone, and his gentle fairy lights are on. Someone opened the window, and a cool breeze has washed away what Felix remembers was the smell of sweat and metal. He blinks and turns his head. Seumgin is curled up on the floor, the blankets from his own bed wrapped around him. Felix smiles -- he feels so cozy, so light, despite the weighted blanket on his back. 

Minho is right next to Felix’s bed. He’s hunched over in Felix’s desk chair with his neck bent at an awkward angle

He could get hurt like that, Felix thinks. 

And when he does, the weighted blanket flutters, a painful tug in Felix’s back. 

The blanket settles higher up on his back, and Felix sees a flash of white from the corner of his eye. 

“Oh my God,” he whispers. 

Feathers, Hyunjin in the studio, his back bleeding-- 

Felix sits up so fast that he nearly knocks over his nightstand, which in turns wakes up Minho and Seungmin. 

“Wha?” Seungmin says blearily. 

“Lix-ah!” Minho gasps. 

They both watch as Felix pushes himself to an upright position, only to slump back against his elbows. 

“Give me a sec,” he says deeply. Minho and Seungmin glance at each other but remain quiet. 

Felix closes his eyes and breathes. He knows that the last things he remembers combined with the weight of white on his back equal a very logical conclusion, but he can’t bring himself to believe it. 

“Can you get the mirror from my closet door?” 

Seungmin stands and lifts the full length mirror from the hooks it hangs on. He keeps the reflective side facing him, waiting for Felix to cue him. 

“Minho-hyung, can you help me sit up?”

“Wooyoung said you shouldn’t,” Minho says quietly. Felix bites his lip. 

“I just need to see. Just once.” 

Minho smiles softly and helps guide Felix back into a seated position, so he can half-turn where he sits on the bed. “Okay, Minnie.” 

Seugnmin smiles -- there’s something excited in the glimmer of his eyes -- and turns the mirror. 

“What the fuck,” Felix swears. 

The wings -- his wings -- seem to sprout from the juncture of his shoulder blades. They’re not enormous, but not small by any means. The left wing, which hangs over the bed, arches and trails, its longest feather tucked just at the top of his hip. 

“What the fuck,” Felix says again. He raises a shaking hand to the wing, holds his breath, and touches the feather. 

A full-body shiver racks up his spine, and goosebumps break out across his arms, but it’s pleasant, like when Chan shows them all a completed song for the first time. The feathers are so soft and almost warm to the touch. The feathers are the purest white he’s ever seen. Felix swears they’re glowing. 

“What the fuck,” he says one final time before he has to lean back down on the bed. Seungmin puts the mirror back and moves to sit on the edge of the mattress. 

“That about sums it up,” he grins. 

“Hey, at least you knew about the angel business,” Minho chides jokingly. “I had to come to terms with Angel-Lix in the span of three minutes.” 

“I didn’t die,” Felix whispers. Immediately, Minho and Seungmin move closer to him. 

“You’re very, very alive, Bbokie,” Minho coos. He brushes a hand through Felix’s hair. “You scared the shit out of us-”

“Understatement,” Seungmin interrupts. 

“-but we got you through it.” 

“Technically, it wasn’t just-”

“Minnie,” Minho cuts Seungminn off. Felix starts to ask what’s going on when his back flexes, and the wings snap to either side. 

“Whoa!” Felix gasps. Minho and Seungmin laugh. 

“They keep doing that,” Seungmin explains. “Wooyoung says it’s totally normal, just your wings stretching.”

Felix’s stomach flips, and the wings twitch again. 

“He wanted to stay, but he was worried that his absence would attract attention,” Minho says. “He did leave us a very thorough list. The Care and Keeping of Angel Lix.” 

Felix grins at the piece of paper Minho brandishes. Sure enough, the title is just that. 

“God, it’s good to see you smile again,” Minho whispers, eyes glassy. 

“I feel so different,” Felix muses. He closes his eyes. The caffeinated exhaustion is long gone, as is the prickling pain that he’d grown so accustomed to. Even better, the sense of dread that had accompanied him for weeks feels distant. “I feel okay.” 

“You look miles better than you did this morning,” Seungmin says. Then, because he can’t help himself, he adds: “Still look like an idiot, though.” 

“Just you wait till I can move my wings,” Felix threatens. “I will not hesitate to bitch slap you, Minnie.” 

Seungmin just grins. “I missed you.” 

Felix smiles, and his vision blurs. The tears this time, though, feel good; they feel happy. Minho leans across the bed and wraps his arm across Felix’s back. 

“Once you’re healed up, I’ll properly cuddle you,” Minho promises. “I bet Minnie will too.” 

“Come here, Minnie,” Felix murmurs. A moment later, he feels a weight on the other side of the mattress, and then Seungmin’s arms wrapping beneath Felix’s wings with such tenderness that the feathers seem to shiver. 

He doesn’t know how long they lay there while the sunrise bleeds into morning. 

“What happened, you guys?” Felix finally asks. Minho tenses. 

“Do you remember anything?” 

Felix closes his eyes. He remembers the bathroom and the fear, remembers the pain and Seungmin carrying him to his bed; remembers Minho anxiously at his bedside while Wooyoung explains what’s happening. And then-

The memories end abruptly, like Felix’s mind is shutting things off for him 

“Not right now,” Felix admits, “but I’m a little scared to tried.” 

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Seungmin says. “I don’t know if you want to remember.” 

“Help me sit up again?” Felix asks. 

“Just a little,” Minho tsks. They settle on pushing several pillows beneath Felix’s chest so that he can look at them more easily while still keeping the pressure off of his wings and back. 

“Tell me,” Felix says. “I need to know.”

Seungmin shrugs at Minho, who sighs. “Okay, Lix-ah.” 

Felix listens with increasing horror as Seungmin recounts finding him in the bathroom and calling Minho. Felix vaguely recalls that, though the memories are hazy amidst the more cloying memory of pain. His horror only grows when Minho stiffly explains Wooyoung’s arrival and the bloody process of freeing his wings. Worse than the story, though, is the expressions that slowly but surely erase Minho and Seungmin’s soft smiles, the way that Seungmin curls in on himself a bit and Minho’s knuckles go white where he’s clasping them in his lap. 

When Minho tells him that he went unresponsive not just once, but twice, he can’t help but reach a hand to his hyung, who takes it eagerly. 

“It’s my fault,” Felix says. “Wooyoung stopped by a few days ago and told me that I was too far into my maturation. He wanted me to get out of Seoul, but I couldn't stand the thought of being away from you. He … he told me I could die, I guess I just didn’t believe him?” 

Felix doesn’t think it would be smart to tell them that the idea of dying was preferable to the idea of being apart from his members.

Seungmin shifts to face Felix and squeezes his cheeks between his hands, smile soft 

“You,” he says, “are a fucking idiot.” 

“Aish!” Minho swats him on the back of the head. “Be nice to him!” 

“I’ll be nice to him when he starts to get it through that thick, thick skull that we’ll all be very, very upset if he continues getting himself into physical danger!” 

Minho shrugs and Felix fake pouts. 

“I didn’t die, though,” Felix says. 

“You almost died twice,” Minho says. “I … I thought you were dead the second time.” 

Felix opens his mouth to ask how they saved him when his wings twitch and cramp. Seungmin raises a brow “I thought you getting your wings would help with the guilt-induced pain.” 

“It’s definitely not nearly as bad as before,” Felix says. “At least I didn’t imagine you all dying this time.” 

Minho whips towards him. “What?” 

“Nevermind, forget I said anything-” 

“Yongbok, you and I are going to have a long conversation about honesty-”

“Speaking of honesty,” Felix cuts his hyung off, “what did you tell the others?” 

Seungmin and Minho look at each other with wide eyes. Felix can tell they’re having some unspoken conversation and sighs loudly, his nerves spiking. “Just tell me, please. I know they … they must all think I’m a monster.” 

Hyunjin most of all. 

“We haven’t really spoken with them a ton,” Seungmin murmurs, fiddling with his bracelet. He looks guilty. 

“They may or may not think we caught Mono from you and are all quarantining together,” Minho says lightly. 

“And they may or may not think that, uh, you had a bad reaction to some antibiotics,” Seungmin adds. Minho hisses at him; clearly they were going to keep that from Felix. 

“What?” Felix gasps. Minho rolls his eyes at Seungmin. 

“Told you he wouldn’t like that.” 

“It’s a good lie!” Seungmin says. 

“They’re mad at me because all I’ve done is lie to them for a month!” Felix says. He wants to sit up, finding that speaking while laying down makes it difficult to emphasize things properly. 

“You really need to figure out the difference between ‘mad at you’ and ‘worried to death about you’,” Seungmin huffs. Felix narrows his eyes, and Minho cuts him off before Felix can snap back. 

“Bbokie, Minnie and I needed an excuse to stay with you while you recover. You already told the members you were sick, so a round of antibiotics makes sense. I looked it up, people can have crazy reactions to antibiotics! It would explain, well…”

“My craziness?” Felix supplies, unamused. They both nod. “Guys, I’ve been acting ‘crazy’ for weeks. My supposed antibiotics wouldn’t have started until a week ago!” 

“We had to come up with something!” Seungmin groans. “Hyunjin was literally about to break down the door.” 

Felix’s wings flutter again the second Seungmin says Hyunjin’s name. Felix cranes his neck and watches the appendages like they’re living things. Seungmin and Minho also stare at the wings, but cheshire grins melt across their faces. 

“Oh my God,” Seungmin laughs. “Do your wings have a crush on Hyunjin too?” 

“Stop!” Felix moans and shoves his face into the pillow. Maybe he can suffocate himself. “I do not!” 

“Aw, Bbokie!” Minho coos mockingly, pinching his cheek. Seungmin, meanwhile, leans towards Felix’s back. 

“Hyunjin!” he says. The wings flutter again. “Hyunjin! Hyunjin!” 

“Oh my God you’re annoying!” Felix screams against the pillow as his wings betray, fluttering again and again at the sound of Hyunjin’s name. His back twinges -- not the same burning pain he’d never quite grown accustomed to, but a familiar ache, like new muscles being formed. 

“You’re going to hurt him,” Minho shoves Seungmin. 

“Hyung, you’re laughing,” Felix accuses. 

“I mean, it’s pretty funny. You’ve spent years denying your crush and now you’ve got a bunch of feathers giving you away.” 

“My wings are not just a bunch of feathers!” Felix scoffs in mock insult. Minho smiles indulgently. 

“Of course they’re not. There the prettiest wings I’ve ever seen.” 

And when the feathers bristle with joy to match Felix’s blush, both Minho and Seungmin coo. 

---

They spend the rest of the day watching movies and eating takeout, and though the angle of both tasks is made difficult by Felix’s prone position, they manage. Felix’s nausea is long gone now that he’s matured, and he nearly chokes stuffing his face with tteokbokki. Minho and Seungmin do their best to squeeze onto the bed on either side of him, his wings draped across their bodies. 

Seungmin nods off somewhere during their How To Train Your Dragon marathon. Felix feels his eyes getting heavy too, but he turns his head to lean it against Minho’s chest before he surrenders to sleep entirely. 

“Do you think they’ll all forgive me?” he whispers. 

Minho doesn’t need to ask who the ‘they’ in question is. He just wraps an arm around Felix as best he can. 

“I was upset with you, yeah? Worried that you weren’t taking of yourself, worried that you were obviously hiding something?” 

Felix presses his face against Minho’s shirt, but his wings twitch with guilt. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell you; I could barely believe it myself.” 

“I get that now,” Minho promises. “I’m not angry anymore. I was never angry, just upset and frustrated. But now? Bbokie, I don’t know if there’s a lot of right or wrong in an impossible situation.”

“I can’t tell them though,” Felix says. “I mean, I’m so grateful that you and Minnie were here for me. I literally would have died without you. But I can’t stop thinking -- what if someone suspects me and they try to get to me through you because you know something?” 

“Let them try,” Minho chuckles. “You think there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you?” 

“Swim.” 

“Brat.” 

Their quiet giggles meld with the distant sound of the city outside. 

“You think I should tell them?” 

“Honestly?” Minho ponders. “Yes. I think you’re really bad at keeping secrets. I think you don’t like it when people question you with their worry. The others, they’re going to know something’s up if you have to hide a literal, physical part of yourself from them.” 

“What if,” Felix swallows, “they think I’m a freak.” 

Minho snorts and Felix shoots him a hurt look. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I just think you have no idea what any of those boys would do to make you smile.” 

Felix isn’t entirely convinced. It’s dangerous to involve the others; he hasn’t entirely begun conceptualizing the risks that now exist due to him being a full fledged angel, let alone how a pair of wings fit into the idol lifestyle. He doesn’t know how to go about apologizing to the others, doesn’t know how he managed to survive the past twenty-four hours at all. 

“Stop thinking so hard,” Minho flicks him gently on the forehead. “You should sleep. Rest up while you can. Tomorrow we get to start tackling Wooyoung’s list of angel chores. We can add worrying to the list too.” 

“Okay, Hyung,” Felix says quietly, snuggling into the bed. Minho gently pets one of the feathers, nervous at first, but when Felix practically starts purring, he keeps going. 

“Miss you so much, hyung,” Felix mumbles sleepily. “All of you.” 

“We missed you too, Bbokie. You have no idea.” 

 

Notes:

So, here’s what you may have missed if you couldn’t get through the chapter!
- Hyunjin is very worried about Lix even though his nose is all kinds of bleeding, Chan agrees to let Seungmin go check on him
- Lix is starting his maturation process, is in lots of pain, and is scared, but thankfully Seugnmin breaks down their bathroom door. - Felix tells him to call Minho who, along with Wooyoung, get to the dorm to help.
- Helping = Wooyoung helping to free the wings, which are ‘near the surface’ so to speak.
- Lots of big sad scary feelings about whether or not Felix is going to survive having his wings freed; it’s gross, it’s descriptive, etc. Everyone’s crying.
- 2 moments where he goes unresponsive; the first time, they realize that SKZ songs seem to revitalize him. The second time, the music isn’t working, so Minho calls Hyunjin and has him just talk to Lix.
- Lix breathes, his eyes glow, and his angel magic, so to speak, finally releases, as do his wings.
- Pure fluff: Felix wakes up and Minho and Seungmin comfort him, description of his wings, and just giggly soft boy times.

 

WE DID IT! We got wings!! Wow, it’s been suffering on suffering on suffering, and writing those last scenes felt so gratifying. Definitely moving into the part 2 of the overall narrative, and there will be more angst ahead at various points, but the next few chapters will be less ‘Felix crying and dying’ and more ‘Felix loves his members so much and they love him but also he has wings.’

As always, thank you so much for reading and interacting with this story. I never could have imagined that people would be so interested in what I have to write, and it’s made me feel very renewed in my other writing projects <3 aiming to have the next chapter out thursday or friday !!

Chapter 7: the sun will always be there waiting after the rain

Summary:

Who knew the aftermath of the worst days of his life could be so perfectly sweet.

(Snapshots of the fluffy days after the worst day ever ft. Felix's wings with personalities of their own)

Notes:

I'm back with another long-ass chapter, but also so well deserved fluffiness.

No real TWs for this one!

Minho is unhappy. 

“No,” he says for the upteenth time. “Wooyoung specifically said you should remain lying down until you’re feeling better.” 

Felix bangs his head against his pillow. Lying on his stomach, it’s the only way he feels he can truly emphasize his own frustration. “Hyung, I feel fine. I won’t actually know if my back hurts until I, I don’t know, try standing? I’ve been in this bed for three days and nothing hurts!” 

“Yeah, hyung,” Seungmin is perched on the window ledge with Wooyoung’s list in his hand. “Wooyoung-hyung actually says to rest if needed.” 

Minho crosses his arms. “Well, Wooyoung’s not your hyung, not like I am – and I say no standing.” 

“Fine,” Seungmin says. Felix scoffs at him – he thought Seungmin might be on his side – but his roommate places the list back down with no further pushing. “Hyung, can you make me tea? My throat feels scratchy. And Lix-ah could probably use some food?” 

Minho looks at him with suspicious eyes but sighs. “I guess it is snack time for our little Angel. Fruit and a protein shake okay for you?” 

“Of course, hyung,” Felix smiles at him. 

As soon as Minho is out of the room, Seungmin moves to the bed. “Okay, give me your hand, I’ll help you up.” 

“What?” 

“I’m so curious to see how big your wings actually are, screw Minho-hyung.” Seungmin says insistently, eyes flickering from Felix to the door. “Why couldn’t you have asked him for a home cooked meal or something!” 

“I didn’t know you were my ally!” Felix rolls his eyes but takes Seungmin’s outstretched hand. He pulls Felix to an upright position on the bed and watches him carefully. Felix blinks away a small wave of dizziness, but he chalks it up to being horizontal for the majority of two days. 

“I’m going to stand,” he says. 

“Okay,” Seungmin stands back, arms outstretched. “In case you fall.”

“I’m not going to fall,” Felix snorts. He shoves himself on the bed, plants his feet–

And immediately falls forward. Seungmin grunts as he takes the brunt of Felix’s weight, but quickly steadies him back to standing. 

“Whoa,” Felix half-laughs, half panics. He puts his arm out like he’s balancing on a tightrope, not standing in the middle of his bedroom. He’s not dizzy, but decidedly off balance. “I think I’m not used to having the weight of the wings on my back, even if they are light.” 

“You look like a newborn deer,” Seungmin says, grinning. “You good?”

Felix nods and Seungmin releases him, stepping back. Felix feels his wings tremble and flex, not to their full span (which they’re still not entirely sure of) but less droopy than when he’s been horizontal (or when he’s been embarrassingly carried to the bathroom). Seungmin’s eyes widen in awe. “Wow, Lix. You’re, uh, kind of beautiful?” 

A pink tinge dances across Seungmin’s cheeks, like he’s surprised he said it. Felix giggles. “Aw, you think my wings are pretty, Minnie?” 

Seungmin glares. “You are pretty, okay? Look!” 

He grabs the mirror and puts it in front of Felix again. Felix’s breath catches. Long gone are the dark circles and pale skin. He looks glowy and sunkissed; he’s still too close to too skinny, but Felix swears some of the bony fragility he’d possessed only days earlier is lessened. 

The wings arch gracefully, the tops of them peeking above his shoulders, and the tips hanging elegantly past his hips. He turns to look at them more closely, noticing how pristine each and every feather looks. 

“Wooyoung’s list mentions grooming them,” Seungmin snorts. “Minho-hyung’s gonna have a field day. Another little kitty to take care of. Oh, and can you imagine what Hyunjin will say-” 

The second Hyunjin’s name leaves Seungmin’s mouth, Felix’s wings flex and straighten to the side with a swoosh of air. 

Unfortunately, that’s the exact moment Minho reenters the room, arms delicately balancing a plate of food and a protein shake. Felix’s left wing smacks the dishes from beneath, sending everything airborne. 

He and Seungmin watch in horror as a shower of protein shake and apple slices rains down on Minho. Felix slaps his hands over his mouth, his wings instantly retracting back as if mimicking the gesture. For a moment, they’re silent. 

“You forgot my tea,” Seungmin says. 

“You’d better hope I forget this too,” Minho says icily, globs of protein shake dripping from his bangs. “You should start sleeping with one eye open.” 

“I’m so sorry, hyung!” Felix rushes over, his footsteps clumsy; in his haste, he trips, begins catapulting forward–

And his wings fly open before flapping forward, sending a gust of wind so strong that it rights Felix back to standing … and sends Minho to his butt. 

“Hyung!” Felix yells.

“Please,” Minho puts up a hand. “Stop moving before your wings decide to actually end my life.” 

Felix and his wings bristle with unhappiness at the insinuation. 

“That was so cool!” Seungmin gushes, his eyes fixed on the wings. “Wow, do you think you can try flying-”

“Absolutely not!” Minho yells. He jumps to his feet and points accusatory fingers at the younger two. “What part of ‘lay down and rest’ was unclear to you both?” 

“It’s my fault, Hyung, I just wanted to get up. It’s not Minnie’s fault.” Felix says softly, making his eyes as big as possible. Minho glares at him. 

“Bbokie, if I didn’t think the puppy over there had something to do with this before, I definitely do now.” 

“Hyung, Lix can’t lie, look at him,” Seungmin makes a circle with his hands and holds it above the blonde’s head in a mock halo. “He’s literally an angel.” 

Minho pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Minnie, you’re officially in charge of snack duty. I have to go shower protein shake out of my hair and try to remind myself why in the world I was cursed with two disobedient dongsaengs. When I come back, you, little Angel, better be in that bed or I swear to God…” 

Minho groans and strides out of the room and towards the bathroom.

Felix and Seungmin watch him go. They manage to wait until the bathroom door slams shut and the shower turns on before they burst into laughter.  

---

The days after developing wings objectively shouldn’t feel normal, and yet Felix feels like he’s woken up from a horrible dream. It’s like the past few weeks of suffering and strain were an alternate dimension, and he’s finally returned to the real world: a world where he has members to cuddle with, where he can smile and giggle and relax. Seungmin and Minho seem shockingly accustomed to his wings, and the full time job that they’ve appointed themselves (Angel Felix Protectors), so the three of them take advantage of the time off from schedules. 

(And yeah, maybe they’re pointedly ignoring the stress that exists once they have to leave the dorm, namely seeing the other members and figuring out how an Angel can be a successful K-pop idol without alerting a single person to his existence, but they seem to have wordlessly agreed that those worries can wait until Felix is a little bit better). 

Even though things are decidedly nicer than they’d been the days before, Felix still has to confront the existence of two rather significant wings on his back. Wooyoung’s list of Angel Chores is fairly straightforward, and Felix feels it could be boiled down into three simple lines. 

1. Don’t do anything to strain your back … but stretch your wings three times a day minimum 
2. Eat, hydrate, sleep, repeat. 
3. Please, for the love of God, don’t leave the apartment. 

“I don’t know how to make them move,” Felix groans. He’s lying flat on his stomach but in the living room. Ever since Felix’s success in standing and walking, save the moments of unbalance, Minho has allowed him to actually leave his bed, though he stands watch over him with eerie scrutiny on the off chance Felix falls again. Above him, Minho is gently tugging at his right wing, trying to stretch it to its full span like Wooyoung instructed, but the wing is stubborn and fights against him the whole time.

“Can you relax your muscles maybe?” Minho grunts, pulling harder than he’d like too. Still, the wing resists him, and a moment later, the left wing sweeps around and thwacks Minho on the back. “Ow!” 

“Sorry!” 

“This article says that birds actually use their chests to control their wings,” Seungmin muses as he scrolls on his phone. 

“I’m not a bird,” Felix grumbles. 

“Just try it,” Seungmin suggests. “You’re going to have to figure out how to control them sooner than later. We can’t exactly explain away a pair of wings thrashing around.”

“I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to hide them,” Felix broaches the unspoken worry aloud, thinking of the usual outfits he’s put in. And how the hell is he going to dance –

“Stop spiraling,” Minho interrupts. “One thing at a time. Just start with trying to move them.” 

Felix sits up and closes his eyes. The wings are a heavy, warm weight on his back – comforting, like a blanket, or one of Chan’s oversized hoodies. Or one of Hyunjin’s hugs–

The thought of Hyunjin, the swath of love undercut by guilt and fear, makes his wings flutter open.

“Nice!” 

“I didn’t do that,” Felix mumbles. “I was thinking of, uh, something and my wings just did it.” 

“Well think of that ‘uh, something’ again and focus on how it feels,” Minho says, sitting next to Seungmin with a knowing grin. “Your wings may have a mind of their own right now, but they’re still a part of your body. It’s like dancing – you have to know where to feel the movement in your body in order to control it.”

“Control,” Felix whispers, letting his eyes drift shut again. “I can do control.” 

He thinks of Hyunjin’s smile, the one that makes his eyes turn into crescents. He thinks of the way he can be so loud one second, then soft and gentle the next. The way Felix always seems to catch Hyunjin watching him when he starts to get too wrapped up in his own head. 

But then he also thinks of the way that Hyunjin looks at all of the members the way he looks at Felix. The way Hyunjin reacted when Felix told him that it hurt to be near him.  The way Hyunjin has stared at him, hands cupped around a bloody nose. 

This time, he’s ready for the flutter. It’s like a pressure at the very center of his spine, somewhere he’s not used to there being pressure. If he focuses, he can feel the way the pressure spreads up from his spine and along his shoulder blades. 

Felix thinks of the isolated dance moves he’s so fond of, especially in his freestyling, bites his lip, and flexes. 

His wings snap open with a woosh of air. Seungmin and Minho duck just in time to avoid being wacked in the face. Felix gasps at the sensation. He shifts, testing out how engaging different muscles move the wings, but he only just manages to figure out how to contract them before he’s exhausted. 

“I get … what Wooyoung meant … about practicing,” he pants.  “God, I never knew I’d need to work out my back muscles that much.” 

“It’s a new muscle, and you’re basically a baby, so it’s not surprising,” Seungmin quips. 

“I’m not a baby, I have a six pack!” Felix scoffs. 

“Baby six pack.” 

Felix cannot wait for the day he has control over his wings. Seungmin will never know peace again. 

---

Felix glances up at the calendar he has on his wall. It’s probably silly to keep a physical calendar in a room he spends far less time in compared to practice rooms, recording booths, and tour buses, but he always liked the grounding process of color coding his month ahead. As it stands, he’s very much ignored the practice in favor of spiraling and being in pain, but it doesn’t change the fact that he can physically see the remaining days left in his suspension. Four. Four days. 

“You see everyone soon,” Minho points out. “Are you excited?” 

“Bet you’re excited to see Hyunjinnie,” Seungmin grins at him. 

Felix doesn’t have to answer. His wings do it for him. Minho and Seungmin’s smiles fall. Of all the elephants in the room, the lack of control he has over his wings is particularly pronounced. 

“Fuck,” Felix says numbly. “There’s not way I can leave the dorm like this. Even if I manage to fit my wings in a hoodie, they’re just going to flap open the second I feel a single emotion.” 

“You mean when you see Hyunjin,” Seungmin adds under his breath. 

Minho watches the wings flutter and flit with equal parts awe and anxiety. “I’m gonna call Wooyoung. I think it’s time we make a list.” 

Wooyoung confirms that he can stop by after his schedules that day. He has very little context to go off of in texts – Minho keeps them intentionally vague, alluding to ‘practice’ and ‘collaboration’ when he obviously means ‘the Felix situation.’ In the meantime, Seungmin drags a whiteboard from his room into the living room. 

“So we need to hide the wings,” Seungmin writes Hide wings on the board and puts a #1 next to it. 

“We need to make sure he can dance,” Minho says authoritatively. Seungmin adds Dance as the third line item. 

“I’ll have to practice everything,” Felix nods, already tired at the thought. “I mean, I can walk without tipping backwards now, but I’ll need to figure out how the weight affects turns.” 

“I’ll help you,” Minho promises. 

“We should also be prepared for his instincts to act up,” Seungmin says thoughtfully, tapping the marker against the side of his face. 

“My instincts seem fine now, though,” Felix protests. 

“Yeah, in a bubble. What’s going to happen if we’re at another shitty interview? Are you going to go vicious protector mode again? Will your wings do wing things?”

“Wing things?” Minho parrots. Seungmin throws a pillow at him, which the dancer easily dodges, looking unimpressed. 

“That might be trial and error,” Felix grumbles. 

“Then Minho and I will just need to run interference,” Seungmin decides, but he still writes Instincts on the board. “Oh shit, there’s also the eyes!”

“My eyes?” Felix asks. “Oh, the gold ring?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty hard to explain,” Minho snorts. Seungmin writes Freaky gold eyes?? to the board, not looking the least bit remorseful even when Felix scoffs. 

Then Felix clears his throat. “And there’s also the angel hunters,” he says quietly, hugging his legs up to his chest. Seungmin and Minho stiffen. “I know it’s unpleasant. I don’t like thinking about it, either, but it’s a reality. If the wrong person finds out about me, it could put you all in danger.” 

“Us?” Minho says. “Felix, it could put you in danger!” 

“That too,” Felix waves a dismissive hand. Minho rolls his eyes. 

Seungmin looks less than pleased to write Hunters on the board. 

Just then, there’s a knock at the door. Minho rushes to answer it, and Felix and Seungmin instinctively fall silent on the off chance it’s not who they’re expecting. A second later, there’s the sound of a door opening, followed by fast footsteps that almost make Felix flee to his room. 

But then Wooyoung rounds the corner with a basket in hand and a grin on his face. Felix feels tears spring to his eyes as he meets Wooyoung in the middle to wrap him in a crushing hug. 

“You’re okay,” Wooyoung grins against his shoulder. “Oh my God, you’re okay!” 

Felix pulls back to see tears in Wooyoung’s eyes too, but they’re both beaming megawatt smiles. “Thanks to you. Hyung, I’m so sorry – I was so cold to you when you stopped by last week. I should have listened–”

“None of that,” Wooyoung cuts him off. “I asked you to leave your charges when your instincts were at their most unpredictable. I should have known it was never gonna happen.” 

“Minho-hyung told me what you did. That can’t have been easy. I’m so sorry you had to do it.” 

Wooyoung sits on the couch, keeping close to Felix as he does so. “I’d do it again if I had to. I’m sorry for causing you all that pain.” 

“I don’t really remember it, I only know what Minho described,” Felix admits. He’s spent minimal effort trying to remember, but he feels his mind actively blocking the memories. 

“We’re hoping it stays that way,” Minho says. “Tea, Wooyoung?”

“Please, that would be great,” Wooyoung smiles. “Now let me see those Wings.” 

Felix has taken to wearing very baggy tank tops. He realized that if the arm holes were large enough, he could fold his wings through the gaps and then have them free. Sure, it tugs the fabric in an odd way, but it allows him to not be entirely shirtless. As it stands, his wings feel hearty and strong, though they look delicate, the light easily streaming through the feathers in a way that makes them practically glow. Still, he’s accidentally closed doors on his wings, slammed them into corners, and sat on them a couple times, but it’s never hurt. 

It doesn’t seem to matter to Minho and Seungmin how many times he reiterates that, though – they seem convinced that the wings might shatter like glass if so much as a breeze hits the feathers the wrong way. 

Wooyoung gasps as he studies the wings. When he speaks, Felix is surprised to hear how emotional he sounds. “They’re beautiful. I … I never imagined I’d get to see a pair in person.” 

Felix turns around and takes Wooyoung’s hands in his own. He doesn’t miss the glint of longing shining in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

Wooyoung clearly understands that Felix is referring to the loss of his wings. “It’s okay. I really am glad to see yours. Oh, also, here-” 

He picks up the long-dropped basket and shoves it into Felix’s arms. Felix gasps in delight as he sits to unwrap the light pink tissue paper surrounding it. “You didn’t have to!” 

“I wanted to.” 

Inside is myriad of items, some practical and some just for fun – a bottle of painkillers, resistance bands for stretching ( ‘it’ll help you strengthen your wings’ ), and even a few shirts with slits cut in them ( ‘that way you can stop stretching out that tank top’ ); but also, candy, protein powder ( ‘seriously, you looked like you were on your deathbed, you need to take better care of yourself’ ), and a plushy of a cat with angel wings and halo. 

“That’s so cute,” Felix smiles at the stuffed animal. 

“It felt apt,” Wooyoung shrugs. 

Felix thinks that the basket is empty until he realizes there’s a swatch of material at the bottom. He pulls it out to find what has to be fifteen feet of elastic fabric; it resembles the material they use to keep mic packs flush against their skin while dancing. 

“I know you don’t have long before you have to get back to your life,” Wooyoung explains. “My Mom and I had the idea – she knew an angel with wings when she was young, and they figured out how to wrap the wings so you can’t see them through clothing.

Seungmin turns to the board and adds a checkmark next to ‘Hide wings’.

“Let’s try it,” he says. 

It’s a bit of a battle. Felix shows off the control he’s developed, which boils down to extending and retracting the wings. He focuses on retracting them as close to his body as he can, thinking of sparrows and the way their wings all but disappear when not in use. His wings are flexible, bending easily when pushed to hug the contours of his body, but they’re still long, and it takes several tries and three grown men before they find a solution. With his wings retracted but relaxed, the top curves of them can sit below his shoulders, and then Felix can wrap the wings themselves around his torso like a sweater. The elastic material is snug – not too tight, but definitely there – and keeps the wings flat against his skin. Felix slips on the same flowy shirt he’d worn to the Artist’s Loft with Hyunjin, and though you can make out the bandages in the sunlight, the skin-tone color of them renders them invisible otherwise. 

“How does it feel?” Minho asks. “Be honest, Bbokie.” 

Felix grins, then stretches. He twists his torso side to side, reaches up and down, even does a few counts of choreography from some of their more involved songs. “It actually feels okay. Like, I’m really aware of the wings, but they don’t hurt.” 

Seungmin actually claps. 

“You might have to be careful when you flash those abs of yours,” Wooyoung pokes his stomach. Felix lifts the shirt, realizing that he can get away with pulling the material up, but not wide, or he risks exposing the elastic. 

“It’s not unusual for idols to have wraps like this,” Seungmin thinks aloud. “If you did accidentally show off the bandage, people would just assume it’s for your back.” 

“It will probably be uncomfortable if you wear it for too long,” Wooyoung says. “You’ll need to make sure you stretch and exercise your wings a lot to compensate for how often you’ll need them hidden. And if they start to seriously hurt – I mean this Yongbok – you need to make sure you free them. The last thing you want is to hurt your wings, because there’s not exactly a doctor we can go to.” 

Felix nods, feeling excited, scared, and, for a moment, like he’s forgetting something important. Minho is writing furiously on a notepad, likely a new list of daily angel tasks he’s intending to stay on top of. 

“Speaking of wing troubles,” Felix feels his heart sink a bit as he nods to the white board. “We have several situations we’re trying to fit.” 

Wooyoung reads the items, nods once, and begins pacing. “Okay, the eyes are easy. Get brown contacts-”

Minho starts jotting down notes immediately and Felix settles back into the couch, overcome with exhaustion over extending and contracting his wings so many times. He feels overwhelmingly grateful as Minho and Wooyoung and Seungmin all talk through the remaining items on the board, even if they don’t end up with a lot of answers. Because at the end of the day, there’s so much they don’t know: they don’t know how volatile Felix’s instincts will be now that he has wings, but Minho and Seungmin seem prepared to run interference wherever necessary. They don’t know how Felix’s ability to dance will be affected, so all there is to do is practice. They don’t know how well they’ll be able to hide Felix’s wings when it comes to the skimpier outfits he might be put in – Felix’s heart sinks when he thinks about the LV fashion show on the horizon and the see-through outfits the stylists adore on him – but they all feel confident that the elastic will at least keep him hidden for a semi-full day of rehearsals.

The hunters, they know nothing about. The supposed maybe-government agents? Even less. It’s a topic that sobers the room as a whole, and that anxiety only seems to grow and fester in the back of Felix’s head long after Wooyoung bids them an adieu, long after Seungmin suggests a Ghibli marathon and Minho is done bemoaning his separation from Jisung. 

And yet, Felix can’t bring himself to wish that the wings were gone. Not anymore. 

---

The day before they’re set to return to schedules – the day before his suspension and Minho and Seungmin’s supposed ‘mono quarantine’ ends – Felix bites the bullet and opens his messages. Minho had recommended he wait a bit to collect his thoughts and calm his instincts, and Felix decided to take his hyung’s advice, even though he’s been driving himself insane wondering what the members had been saying to him – not just since his maturation, but over the course of his whole suspension. 

It’s not as bad as he’d feared, yet far worse than he would have dreamed of a year ago. Most of the members stick to concern alone with little frustration, but their hurt feelings still seep through in every character and emoticon heart. Namely Jeongin (though his last text just says What the fuck, hyung. ) and Jisung (but his clearly-panic riddled messages hurt worse, somehow, than if he’d simply cursed Felix out). Changbin’s messages started neutrally, dipped into frustration, but then – presumably after he saw Felix and Hyunjin arguing – go full concerned-hyung mode. Lots of reminders that Felix is loved, and missed, and that everyone is allowed to have off days or weeks, but it does help people feel better if they’re given at least some kind of explanation before they’re effectively iced out. 

He responds to each of them – short, concise texts that premeditate longer actual conversations. 

 

Baby Hyung: hey iyen-ah, i’m really sorry about the past few weeks. i obviously wasn’t myself, and am feeling better now, but i hate that you saw me like that. there’s no excuse but to apologize and do better, and i am happy to talk more with u about it once i’m back <3 

Sunshine 2: ji baby – i’m so sorry i scared you so much over the past week. i really wasn’t feeling myself but i am getting better. i hope it wasn’t too awful of a time for you, especially with Minho-hyung gone. it’s okay if ur mad at me, i would understand, and if you want to talk about anything lmk <3 <3 

Lixie: binnie-hyung, i’m so sorry i worried you so much and made everything so awful for so long. i’m feeling better now, just wasn’t feeling like myself at all. i understand if you still feel upset with me and am happy to talk about anything once i’m back <3

 

Seungmin’s texts are fine, because he knew what was going on. Minho’s were sparse and then comforting, painting an accurate depiction of the days they spent ignoring each other and the days following Minho’s confession in the bathroom. 

It’s the last two members he’s the most anxious about. 

Bang Always Fine Me, Yeah? Chan and Hwang My Angel Hyunjin. 

Felix looks at Chan’s messages first. 

God, he texted a lot. It’s a whirlwind as well – alternating between apologies for mishandling the situation, admonishment for hurting the other members, and raw, bleeding concern. The last text brings Felix close to tears: 

 

<3 Just Soulmate Shit <3 

Kangaroo: Everyone knows it was an accident. But at this point, shutting us all out for so long feels purposeful. I love you so much, and I’m sorry that I made the situation worse on my end. I’ll be waiting for you when you feel better. 

 

Even in his frustration, Chan manages to be sweet. Felix knows he’ll have to have a more serious, more apologetic, and more in depth conversation face to face, but he still wants to say something. 

 

Koala: hey chris, i’m so so so sorry. i don’t think there’s a way for me to explain in person, let alone over messages, how badly i feel. you didn’t do anything wrong, dealing with me the past few weeks can’t have been easy and you did the best you could keeping me feeling safe while taking care of the other boys. i know we’ll have to talk, but for now plz just know if there’s anything i can do to fix things 

 

Felix takes a deep breath. In the time it’s taken to send Chan’s message, the others have responded, shockingly fast for a day that is surely filled with various lessons and preparations. 

 

Maknae-Hyung: ah Lix-ah, what took you so long to respond! I was kind of freaked out because I’ve never seen you get that angry before, but you also got angry at those asshole MCs and that really meant a lot to me. Just get better soon so we can hang out again. The hyungs are babying me a thousand times worse without you here. 

 

Sunshine 1: MY BABY !! HE’S ALIVE !! I won’t lie, it did really suck to just not hear from you for so long, but Minho-hyung told us about the antibiotics, and that makes a lot of sense. You owe the most extensive cuddle-sesh and movie marathon ever to make for it <3 your suspension’s over next week right?? Wah, can’t believe my soulmate and my twin aren’t here to cuddle me ~ 

 

Binnie: Oh, Lixie, hyung could never be really mad at you, I was just upset that you were hurting, and that the others were hurting too. Also – respond sooner next time, at least to let us know you’re alive! I can’t believe you got Mono? Who are you kissing in your spare time?? Does Changlix superiority mean nothing to you???? But really, I’m glad you’re feeling better. We can and will talk more about asking for help when we don’t feel good, hmm? 

 

And finally: 

 

Kangaroo: Just focus on getting better for now, yeah? I know you’d never want to hurt anyone, Sunshine. We all just want you back. I want you back. We’ll talk soon <3

 

Felix smiles even as he feels a tear drip down his face. The smile fades, though, when he realizes who is left to message. 

103. 103 messages in the past four days. If Felix had been standing, he would have needed to sit down. His thumb trembles over his phone screen as he swipes and swipes and swipes. He only catches glimpses through his building tears of words, fragments of phrases: I’m worry, talk to me, what did I do, why are you acting like this? The word sorry appears a couple of times, which surprises Felix. Not being fair, appears just as many – equally unsurprising. 

When he scrolls to the most recent text, sent the day Felix got his wings, he freezes. 

 

Prince: I know you don’t have mono. I know you aren’t having a reaction to antibiotics.  

Prince: I don’t know what happened when Minho called me, but your screaming was not normal, and he wouldn’t tell me anything. I guess honesty isn’t as important to this group as I thought.  

 

“SEUNGMIN!” Felix yells. 

Seungmin practically tumbles into Felix’s room, his eyes bulging. “What! Are you hurt? What happened!” 

Felix simply thrusts his phone forward. “Care to explain?”

Seungmin blinks at the text several times before gulping and yelling. “MINHO-HYUNG!” 

Minho is there in a flash. “What’s wrong? Is Felix hurt?” 

Felix watches as Seungmin shoves Felix’s phone into Minho’s hands. Their hyung’s eyes narrow as he reads the text, and when he looks back up, he seems hesitant to speak. 

“Does Hyunjin know what happened?” Felix asks with a growl. 

“No,” Minho answers quickly. “No, Yongbok, he has no clue. Sit down, I’ll explain.” 

Felix frowns, but sits cross legged, wings trailing over the edge of the mattress. Minho sits on the other side of the bed, and Seungmin tries to weasel his way out of the room, but Minho tugs him back inside. 

“I told you that you were unresponsive twice, right?” Felix’s stomach sinks, but he nods at Minho to continue. “The first time, we couldn’t get you to breathe again, but then your phone started ringing. It was Channie-hyung, and your ringtone for him is-” 

“Get Cool,” Felix chuckles. Minho smiles. 

“Suddenly, you breathed again. I ended up putting Cover Me on a loop, and for a while it worked, you kept breathing – you were clearly weakened, but alive.” Minho swallows hard, his posture tense, as if the memories are physically hurting him. Felix’s stoniness thaws like ice in fire, and he reaches a hand across the bed to squeeze Minho’s. His hyung smiles shakily. “But then, when Wooyoung was … done, you were still again. So still that I thought, for sure, you were gone. The music wasn’t helping anymore. I had the idea that … Well, I’ve always thought that your feelings for Hyunjin seemed stronger than just a crush. So I called him.” 

Felix closes his eyes and takes a steadying breath. He can’t be mad at Minho for trying his best in an impossible situation, but he hates knowing that Hyunjin was – and must still be – wrought with confusion. 

“He just talked to you,” Minho says. “It was sweet. Painfully sweet, honestly, he’s so obsessed with you-”

“Hyung,” Felix says warningly. Minho grins, a little more genuinely this time. 

“Sorry, sorry.”

“What did he hear?” 

Minho shifts anxiously. “For a while, nothing. Like I said, you were completely unconscious. At one point I had enough, and I told Wooyoung that I was going to call an ambulance. Hyunjin, uh, heard Wooyoung speak, and then you … well, you woke up.”

“Woke up with a scream,” Seungmin adds. Felix’s shoulders sag, as do his wings. 

“He heard me scream?” 

Minho grimaces. “Definitely. If I’d known, I might have hung up sooner, but honestly I don’t feel bad. His voice saved your life. It’s like it gave you the strength to finish your maturation process.” 

Felix feels himself blush, and he knows that Minho and Seungmin see it given their smirks. 

“Has he … has he called you?” Felix asks. Seungmin snorts. 

“Only a hundred times, give or take.”

“Minnie did a very good job of sounding like a patient on his deathbed,” Minho teases. He fakes a weak cough and speaks in an overly weakened voice. “Sorry, Hyunjin Hyung, I’m just so, so ill-” 

“At least I managed to keep him away!” Seungmin sticks his tongue out. “I didn’t see you arguing with him to not break down our door. He was out there for five hours until Changbin-hyung came to drag him away himself.” 

“He was here?” Felix whispers. Seungmin and Minho groan. 

“Felix, he couldn’t have come inside,” Seungmin says. “You were literally unconscious with wings.” 

“No, I know,” Felix nods. “I don’t want him to know.” Minho glares at him, and Felix sighs. “Yet. I don’t want him to know without me being the one to tell him.” 

He deserves the truth from me, at the very least. Even if he still hates me afterwards, even if he thinks I’m a freak- 

A flick to his forehead drags him out of his moping. “Stop spiraling, Felix.” 

“Do you think he told the others? What he heard” Felix asks. “They didn’t mention anything about it in their responses.” 

Minho grimaces again. 

“I’ve been messaging Jisungie a lot. It seems like he’s been avoiding, well, everyone. It seems like he didn’t tell anyone. I also sent him a rather … persuasive text that it was of the utmost importance he wait to hear the story from you.” Felix looks up in shock, and Minho wilts. “I know, I’m sorry. It seemed to be the only way I could get him to stay quiet. 

“So you should probably tell him sooner than later,” Seungmin says. 

Felix glances at his phone. He texted everyone else – if he doesn’t text Hyunjin too, he runs the risk of confirming what Hyunjin seems to believe: that Felix can’t be around him specifically. Except … he has so much more to apologize for with Hyunjin, so much left unanswered about their relationship as much as the screams Hyunjin apparently heard over the phone. 

I’d rather you not lie to me, you know? 

He has to apologize in person. 

Hours later, long after Seungmin and Minho have retired for the night, he texts Changbin before he can really consider the optics of sending a text at eleven PM the night before his return. 

 

Lixie: hi hyung, is Hynjinnie home? 

 

Changin responds seconds later. 

 

Binnie: No. He’s run off to wherever he’s been hiding again. You okay? 

 

Felix tiptoes out of the room. All of the lights in the apartment are off – he peaks into the living room and finds the couch empty, so Minho must have decided to share with Seungmin for the night. Felix presses his ear against Seungmin’s door and hears the sounds of a white noise machine interspersed with barely-audible snores. 

They’re gonna kill me, Felix thinks. 

He grabs one of Hyunjin’s sweatshirts that he’d left with Felix probably two years prior. His wings ruffle a bit when he pulls it aggressively over his head, but then they settle. Even when bound, they seem calmer if Felix is wearing one of the member’s clothing. He wraps the tips around his waist and pulls a piece of elastic bandage in a tight loop over them. It’s not a foodproof wrap, and it wouldn’t hold for an entire day, but it’ll do for now. He grabs his phone, his keys, and his wallet, as well as a beanie which he shoves his blonde hair beneath. As silently as he can be, he slips out of the dorm, closes the door behind him, and exits into the cool night. 

It’s a short walk to the Artist’s loft; a short walk through near-empty streets, silent enough that all Felix can do is think about what the hell he’ll say to Hyunjin. It can’t be another lie, no matter how much it’ll hurt, but he’s not sure if the full truth is right either? Then again, a lie by omission is still a lie. Maybe he should go back home – he definitely should, it’s stupid to be out so late, alone, the night before his suspension officially ends – but by the time he’s spiraled to the point of panic, he’s standing outside that large iron door. 

A gentle glow is barely visible from inside, high up where the window to the garden is. Felix swallows thickly, puts his hand on the doorknob, and pushes. 

---

Hyunjin has been lost in his painting for well over two hours. Logically, he knows he should head back since they’re up early tomorrow, but he wanted to make sure Changbin wouldn’t be awake (and inquisitive) when he got home.

He can’t shake Felix’s scream from his head; the sound has been ringing in his ears for days now; when he’s banged at the door, Seungmin had promised him that Felix was okay, but that Hyunjin couldn’t see him, and Hyunjin had all but called the fire department to knock down the door for him. The only thing that held him back was how frightened Minho had sounded when he’d called Hyunjin, and his text hours later promising that Felix would tell Hyunjin what was going on. That, and a deep rooted sense that whatever was happening with Felix was a bit bigger than he’d originally assumed. 

Quiet music is playing from his phone speaker, something instrumental that Hyunjin thinks Felix may have shown him or the other way around. He has a small lamp lit and pointed towards his canvas, leaving the rest of the room mostly blanketed in shadow. He dips his brush back into his paint – dark blackish-green, he’s still working on shading his background – when a voice says:

“Jinnie?” 

“Ah!” 

Hyunjin yelps and turns on the spot, holding his paintbrush out like a sword as he searches the shadows. He has to blink several times before he can make out a small figure, dressed in black, who removes their beanie to reveal butter-blonde hair and huge, nervous eyes. Hyunjin exhales with relief. 

“If I was a robber, were you going to paint me to death?” Is what Felix leads with. 

“I’m still considering it,” is how Hyunjin responds. Instinctively, easily. Like there’s not an ocean of disconnect between them. Except Hyunjin can see the moment Felix remembers that they haven’t spoken – really spoken – for weeks, and that their last few conversations were icy and cold and ended in blood. Hyunjin puts the brush down and walks quickly down the spiral staircase, watching as the obvious fear on Felix’s face comes into further clarity. “What the hell are you doing here? It’s late.” 

“You’re here,” is all Felix says. 

“Talking to me again, then?” Hyunjin says. Felix flinches. 

“Trying to,” he says. “Hoping to.” 

Felix seems to be studying him, trying to gauge how angry Hyunjin is. Hyunjin sighs and crosses his arms. “You never had mono.” 

It’s not a question, but still Felix answers. “No, I don’t.” 

“You never had antibiotics then?” 

Felix’s brows pinch. “No.”

Hyunjin sighs and bites his lip. “So you can drink?” 

“Um,” Felix stutters, not expecting that. “Yes?” 

“Sit down, I guess.” 

Hyunjin walks to the back of the room. There’s a large curtain on the wall, which he pulls aside to reveal what appears to be a built-in shelving unit, but when he tugs on the wood, it pulls away to reveal a sort of pantry behind it. Hyunjin digs inside for a few seconds before remerging with two mismatched mugs and a bottle of wine. 

“Does everyone have secret alcohol stash that I don’t know about?” Felix says. 

Hyunjin can’t quite swallow his laugh as he opens the bottle and pours them both hefty glasses. “Do you not ?” Felix shakes his head. “I don’t know how you manage it all, then.” 

“Clearly not fucking well,” Felix says bluntly. Hyunjin feels his eyes twitch with a smile that he hides. 

“I think that’s the first honest thing I’ve heard you say all month.” 

He pushes the mug into Felix’s hands and Felix takes a greedy drink. Hyunjin just watches him. He has to admit – Felix looks ten times better than he did a week ago. The image of Felix he’d seen in the practice room will haunt him forever: terrified, exhausted, and gaunt. But now, he swears Felix is luminescent. His skin seems tanner, like he’d just returned from a trip home, and that gauntness is gone, at least the worst of it. 

And his eyes … it has to be the light playing a trick on him. 

Still, he’s not going to be the first to speak. He’s spent too much time over the past couple of weeks begging Felix for answers; now, he wants Felix to just be honest with him-

“I haven’t been honest with you.” 

Well that works, Hyunjin thinks. “No shit.” 

“Or anyone.” 

“Also no shit.” 

“Being near you did hurt me,” Felix says. Hyunjin feels his heart twist painfully, and Felix lurches forward as if to tear the hurt away before it can settle. “Not because I don't like you. Probably because I care about you too much.” 

Hyunjin shakes his head. “I’m not following.” 

Felix puts down the wine and shifts his shoulders, reaching a hand back as if to itch his back. “I didn’t have mono, but something started to, uh, happen to me about a month ago? I wasn’t feeling well.”

Hyunjin leans forward a bit, his lips pursed with concern. He knows it’s a crack in his would-be cold exterior. “You were sick?” 

“Kind of?” Felix says. “At first I had back pain, but not the normal back pain. It was like on my skin kind of? And I was getting really nauseous. It was hard to eat anything, and when I did, I felt like I was gonna throw up. I also started to get, um, anxious? But not about being homesick or promotions. About you guys. I kept having these – intrusive thoughts – where you would be hurt or worse. That was the worst part, the thoughts. And they made me feel physically worse, like how much I was worrying about you and you were worrying about me was making me feel shittier? Does that make sense?” 

Hyunjin has been nodding slowly and Felix’s has gotten visibly more frantic. He doesn’t exactly know what Felix means, but he tries to piece it together nonetheless. “You literally were sick with worry about us.” 

“How do you do that?” Felix laughs, relieved. Hyunjin cocks his head to the side. “You take my crazy ramblings and put them into just the right words.” 

“I knew a guy back in trainee days,” Hyunjin says, the ghost of a grin on his lips as he pictures a baby-faced Felix, posturing with his gold jewelry and betrayed by his visible anxiety – all stuttering words and blushing cheeks and apologetic bows. “He could dance like sunlight with a smile to match. I wanted to get to know him, so I had to get good at figuring out what he meant even when he didn’t have the words, because his Korean was pretty shit then, especially with the Australian accent.”

At first, Felix had seemed – not jealous, that wouldn’t make sense, but maybe off put? Then, he realizes who Hyunjin is talking about, blushing and almost shivering with flattery. “You’re talking about me?” 

“Maybe we should kick Minho-hyung out of Paboracha and recruit you instead,” Hyunjin snorts, taking another sip of wine. “So you were sick – why did you start lying about it? Why keep us out?”

Felix takes a breath. He opens his mouth, and a choked sound comes out. Felix wears every emotion on his face, and Hyunjin loves that about him even if it’s made the past few weeks that much worse; right now, that emotion screams: I don’t know how to have this conversation. 

Still, Hyunjin had been determined to not crumble the moment he saw Felix again – he was hurt, is still hurt, and he needs a damn good explanation from the younger – but watching Felix, leg tapping on the dusty floor, teeth digging into that rosy-pink lower lip of his … Well, Hyunjin can’t stand it. He leans forward and takes Felix’s hand in his. 

The moment he does, something moves beneath – wait, is that his sweatshirt? 

“Felix,” Hyunjin says. “What’s … what’s moving beneath your hoodie? Also, is that my hoodie?” 

Felix jumps and turns his neck. His eyes bulge at whatever he sees. Hyunjin realizes he’s holding his breath.

“You know how I mentioned the back pain, and the guilt, and worrying about you guys dying?” Felix asks, his usually deep voice pitching comparatively higher. Hyunjin nods. “Well, do you remember the car crash?” 

Hyunjin flinches at the memory. “Of course. You saved me.” 

Felix nods emphatically. “Yeah, and then do you remember when Minho slipped in rehearsal?” 

Hyunjin purses his lips in confusion. “Yeah, you saved him too … somehow.”

It had happened so fast. One second, Felix was on Hyunjin’s right, and the next, he was on the other side of the room. 

Felix twists his hands in front of his body and shrugs his shoulders like he’s trying to shake out a knot in the muscle. “For me, it didn’t happen quickly. It happened slowly – like time stopped. I could see beads of sweat in the air, I could see Jisungie in the middle of a jump. And in that time, I was able to move to catch Minho. When the car was crashing into us, I had time to move you out of the way.”

“Yongbokkie,” Hyunjin breathes. “What are you saying?” 

Felix gulps again and drops his head. Then he stands from the bean bag and shrugs out of the hoodie. Hyunjin feels his cheeks heat up for a moment, but he’s quickly distracted by the thick bandage wrapped tightly around Felix’s middle. He’s ready to ask any amount of follow up questions: What happened? Did someone hurt you? How can I make this better?

But then Felix undoes the metal clips holding the bandage in place. 

But then Felix lets the bandage fall to the ground. 

But then Felix looks up at him, beautiful and unguarded and definitely golden-eyed, no light trick there. 

But then, a pair of glowing angel wings emerge from his back. 

---

“Jinnie? Jinnie, please say something, you’re freaking me out.” 

Felix wants to grab Hyunjin by the shoulders and shake him, but he doesn't want to startle him even more than he clearly already has. Hyunjin just stares, open mouthed and wide eyed, at Felix’s wings. 

His wings are traitors. They flourish and preen under Hyunjin’s gaze. 

(Then again, they seem to like Hyunjin just as much as the person they belong to.) 

Felix takes a step forward and the wings flutter happily at the proximity. Hyunjin blinks. 

“Jinnie? Hyunjin-ah?” 

Hyunjin blinks again and takes a shuddering breath. He takes one step forward, then the other. His hand lifts instinctively towards the wing, then falters. Felix swears that the air around them stills; it’s just them at midnight under the soft glow of the lamp and the glitter that seems to have taken residence in Hyunjin’s gaze. 

“You can, um, touch them. If you want.” Felix thinks he might be shaking. He can’t tell if Hyunjin is terrified or just in shock, or maybe a little bit of both. He knows Hyunjin, knows he’s the last person to judge anyone, but he’s so, so terrified that Hyunjin will run away, flinch from his wings; from Felix. 

Except Hyunjin’s hand raises – shaking and trembling – and ever so gently brushes the feather closest to his neck. 

Felix’s wings shiver with joy, and Felix practically purrs in pleasure; he should be embarrassed about the way a single pet to his feathers makes him melt, but he’s too lost pleasure to care. 

“Whoa,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Yeah,” Felix whispers back. 

“Does that feel nice?” 

“You have no idea,” Felix answers, filterless. Hyunjin chuckles. 

“I was right,” he says. Felix has to force himself to blink back into focus. 

“Hmm?” 

Hyunjin takes a step back, but his eyes are wide and full with awe. “I was right. You really are an angel.” 

Felix is pretty sure if his blush didn’t give him away, the flutter of his feathers did. 

 

An hour later, they’re back on the beanbags, and the iciness is finally gone. They sit, knee to knee, halfway through the bottle of wine and finally at the tail end of Felix’s story. He’d told Hyunjin everything, from the crash, to his first conversation with Wooyoung (though he omitted the name), his suspension, and to the last few weeks. He explained every conversation he and Hyunjin had, explained why it hurt him to be close to Hyunjin; he explained the shitty mono excuse ( “I don’t think Chan’s buying it, Hyunjin tells him. “I didn’t either. You should have gone with covid if you want to get away with needing quarantine buddies.”) 

Hyunjin, in turn, explained what it had looked like to him: one second, he and Felix were attached at the hip, and the next, Felix was obviously dealing with something and also ignoring Hyunjin. 

“I’m so sorry,” Felix says, head bowed. “I hated lying to you, and I’m so terrible at it anyways so it sucked even more knowing that you knew I was lying. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell anyone. In my mind, I would stay alone for a few weeks, and then everything would go back to normal.” 

“It feels normal now,” Hyunjin says, “minus the –”

He strokes one of Felix’s feathers again, and the rest jump to attention. Hyunjin grins. “I like that they like me.” 

Felix ducks his head, hoping the lack of light hides his blush. “I never said they weren’t flawed,” Felix teases. Hyunjin flicks Felix on the forehead gently, and in return, one of his wings swats his hand away. “Sorry, they have a mind of their own sometimes.” 

“I can see that,” Hyunjin says. “I’m sorry too, for what it’s worth. I shouldn’t have cornered you like that in the dance room. I told myself to give you space, but when you walked in that day … something in me snapped.” 

“I can understand why,” Felix whispers. 

“I just hate that you went through so much of this alone,” Hyunjin adds softly. This time, he doesn’t pet Felix’s wings, but pushes his hair behind his ear. “You hate being alone.” 

“It was awful,” Felix admits hoarsely. “I was so scared all the time.” 

“I can’t even imagine. It’s bad enough that your own brain was showing you terrifying things and that your body was in pain, but then with the … hunters?”

“Angel hunters,” Felix nods. “Hunters and Government Spies, apparently. I don’t even know what they look like, or if they know about me already. I’m not sure what will happen now that I have my wings…”

Hyunjin’s face turns dark and stormy so quickly that it actually startles Felix. “You shouldn’t have come here alone, Lixie. Who knows what could have happened?”

“I know,” Felix says sadly. “I just … Minho-hyung said that you hadn’t been talking to anyone, and Chanbinnie-hyung said you weren’t home when I texted him. I thought- I knew you would be here, and I needed to see you.” 

Hyunjin groans, but still smiles gently and takes Felix’s hands in his. “I’m glad you did. You shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did.” 

Felix smiles and allows the warmth of the moment to spread across his body and town to the tips of his feathers. 

“I’m just glad you believe me.” 

“Minho-hyung is going to kill you for sneaking out.” 

“Only if he finds out.” 

“He will,”  Hyunjin says with a yawn. “And honestly? I hope I’m there for the lecture. Fat chance if you think you’re getting rid of me again anytime soon.”

“Wouldn’t want to,” Felix says quietly, hoping that the true depth of his meaning isn’t obvious. “Ever. Shit, it’s late and we have an early call.” 

They leave together, quiet in the night to match the empty streets, but it’s the warmest silence Felix has ever felt. By the time they get to the dorms, it’s nearing three am. Hyunjin doesn’t make any effort to head to their dorm, turning instead with Felix as they get off the elevator. When Felix tilts his head, Hyunjin raises a stern brow. “If you think I’m letting you go anywhere by yourself, then you should be the leader of paboracha.” 

“It’s really okay-”

“Felix,” Hyunjin cuts him off sternly. “Let me do this.” 

Felix flushes. “Sorry. Okay, Jinnie.” 

Hyunjin walks him to his dorm, and they pause outside of it. Felix feels like a blushing mess, his wings writhing beneath their binding like they, too, want Hyunjin to touch him again, if even just for a moment. 

Hyunjin doesn’t leave him suffering for long. He wraps Felix in his arms and brushes a thumb along his back. 

“You can still be mad at me, you know,” Felix whispers. “Just because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean I didn’t still hurt you.” 

“I know,” Hyunjin whispers back, lips moving against his head. “But I was way more worried than mad. I can’t promise I won’t get mad again if you push me away because you decide I don’t want to help you, but I understand why you did what you did.”

“Even if it hurt?” 

Hyunjin pulls back. Felix wishes, just a bit, that their proximity affected Hyunjin the same way it’s affecting him. 

“Even if it hurt,” Hyunjin promises. “All I care about now is that you’re safe.” 

Felix smiles tearfully. Hyunjin tsks softly. “Sorry.” 

“M’gonna have ban that word with you, hmm?” Hyunjin chuckles fondly and steps fully back. “Sleep well, okay?” 

“You too Jinnie.” 

That night, Felix sleeps with a smile on his face and Hyunjin’s sweatshirt tight in his arms. 

Notes:

Unrealistic? Maybe. Cute to write and made my heart happy? Definitely.

Hoping to update by monday but with the holiday weekend it might be tricky!!

THANK U FOR READING AND OMG SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE INTERACTED WITH THIS FIC I LOVE YOU MORE THAN FELIX'S WINGS LOVE HYUNJIN!!!

Chapter 8: don't be the only one hurting

Summary:

Coming back to a comeback is one thing. Coming back with wings? Thankfully Felix has a few extra people in his corner to help him through it.

Notes:

One day late but here we are -- more fluff, with some ~ foreshadowing ~ to keep y'all fed.

Apologies because this one does feel a bit rushed to me, now that we're gearing up for a second arc of plot I'm trying to keep everything organized but likely failing!

It takes Seungmin and Felix a whopping twenty minutes to wrap his wings; between Seungmin’s sleepiness and Felix’s anxiety over his first day back from his suspension, they’re a mess of fumbling fingers and twitching feathers. Eventually, though, the wings cooperate and lay flat and compressed against Felix’s skin, and the two finish packing up. 

Their album releases in less than a week, and then they’re entering a world of interviews, taped performances, and tour prep. Thankfully, the first half of their day is vocal rehearsals with dance blocking – nothing full out until tomorrow, since Felix (and Seungmin and Minho) have been out for the count; then, they have a meeting with all of their managers to go over the first few weeks of their comeback, align expectations, and ensure that all the members are feeling ready (read: know then need to be ready) for a nonstop month or two. Then the racha’s are essentially splitting until the end of the day (read: one am if they’re lucky). Felix is relieved that Hyunjin knows about his wings – maybe he’ll help Minho re-train his body to balance. 

When Seungmin finally emerges from the bathroom and they leave the dorm, Felix isn’t that surprised to see both Hyunjin and Minho there. He’s disappointed, though, to see Minho’s glare and Hyunjin’s I told you so grimace. 

“Lee Yongbok, I’m going to put a leash on you,” Minho growls. 

“Kinky,” Seungmin says, unperturbed by Minho’s ferocity as per usual. 

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” Felix blinks bambi eyes in his direction. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. 

“Ya, don’t even think about trying to get out of this with puppy-dog eyes alone!” Minho scoffs.

“This would be a pretty good time for you to learn how to fly with those wings,” Hyunjin yawns and stretches. Minho and Seungmin choke, and Hyunjin freezes. “Um, I thought you both knew?” 

“Hyunjin knows?” Seungmin says at the exact same time Minho says: “I knew you left the apartment last night!” 

Felix looks at Hyunjin pleadingly. Hyunjin sighs. “Stop torturing my poor Angel, we’re going to be late. You can yell at him later.” 

And if Felix blushes all the way to the cars outside, well, he’ll just blame it on the chilly morning air. 

The four take their own car to the company; apparently, Chan has already been there for an hour, and Jisung and Innie had a sleepover the night before, so they’re getting wrangled by Changbin. Felix is practically bouncing with anxiety, his wings twitching and straining with his emotions. 

“It’s going to be fine,” Minho says again. He’s been repeating it for the duration of the drive, and says it again as they enter the company elevator. 

“Mhmm,” Felix hums anxiously. 

“If anyone was going to be mad at you, it’d be Hyunjin,” Seungmin says bluntly, causing Hyunjin to gasp in offense. “What, it’s true! Felix clocked you in the face-”

“Accidentally!” Felix and Hyunjin insist simultaneously. 

“They all have a right to be mad at me!” Felix continues. “I was a monster for a month.” 

“You were tripping off of antibiotics, remember?” Minho says sternly, reminding Felix of the alibi. 

“If they actually believed that,” Felix grumbles. 

“Hannie did.” 

“Well, Hannie’s like Felix,” Hyunjin snorts as they arrive at their rehearsal room. 

“Loud?” Seungmin asks. 

“Adorable?” Felix lifts his chin. 

“A bottom?” Minho quirks a brow. 

“Gullible.” 

And he pushes the door open, Felix still red faced as he swats a smug Minho inside. Chan rises from his spot on the floor, where his laptop is open. His face splits into a grin that is rivaled only by the sun and Felix’s matching smile. 

“Hyung!” Felix doesn’t know why he was so nervous. It’s Chan – Chan who loves him, who’s always there for him, who could be spitting with rage but would still cuddle him if he asked. Chan runs to him and wraps his arms around him, spinning him in a circle. The other three hold their breaths, thinking of Felix’s wings, but the bandage is wrapped securely enough that the pressure barely jostles them. 

“I missed you so much,” Chan gasps. Chan puts him down and pulls back when he hears a sniffle. “Baby, are you crying?”  

Felix rubs roughly at his eyes. “I just missed you a lot too.” 

“Oh, Sunshine,” Chan hugs him again. “Anything you need from me, you let me know, okay?” 

“We could pretend we don’t have to talk about what happened?” Felix says hopefully, voice muffled against Chan’s shoulder. He can feel when Chan laughs. 

“ Nice try, mate .” He finally releases Felix with a muss to the hair. “I told you not to worry, though, it’s not gonna be a bad talk, just a conversation.” 

“That’s how he gets you,” Seungmin deadpans. “Makes you think it’ll be a casual conversation, and the next thing you know, you’re sobbing in the studio.”

Chan beams at the sound of Seungmin’s voice. “There’s my little patient zero and patient one!” He drags Seungmin and Minho into hugs. “You guys seem good as new. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were never sick!” 

Hyunjin catches Felix’s eye with an overexaggerated I told you so eye roll. Felix responds by chugging his protein shake.

“The fatigue was pretty bad, Channie-hyung,” Minho says tactfully. Chan frowns. 

“Did you not get officially tested? Maybe you should both go get check ups with Felix when he goes tomorrow.” 

Felix chokes. Fuck, he’d completely forgotten about the doctor’s appointment! 

“What check up?” Seungmin says anxiously. 

“It was scheduled already?” Felix asks. Chan pauses, noting Felix’s switch from happy to concerned. 

“Lix-ah has to go get a physical,” Chan tell Seungmin. “He was supposed to go today before practice, but we have a lot of stuff to do as soon as possible, so they pushed it to tomorrow. You are feeling okay enough to dance, right? You promised me you were.” 

Felix nods emphatically because he doesn’t think he’d quite be able to speak. 

“Okay, good. It should be on your calendar for tomorrow afternoon during lunch break, but let me know if you start feeling bad again today and I’ll make sure you’re able to rest a bit, hmm?”

Felix nods again. Minho and Seungmin have joined Hyunjin to stare at him, wide eyed, behind Chan’s back. When Chan moves back to his laptop, Felix can only shrug. 

He’s fucked. 

Just as he starts to spiral – just as his wings start to fight against their bindings – the door flies open, and one Han Jisung bursts into the room with an almost manic grin. 

“You’re back!” 

Jisung doesn’t seem to care that Felix is holding a protein shake, nor does he seem to consider if Felix will be able to hold his weight. He leaps into the air and wraps himself around Felix, who only barely manages to stay upright and groans when Jisung’s arms dig into his wing joint. 

“Sungie, you’re gonna hurt him!” Minho gasps, pulling his boyfriend away. “Where’s my hug, huh?” 

Jisung rolls his eyes. “You didn’t call me nearly enough while you were quarantining. How’d you even get mono, huh? Who are you kissing besides me?” 

Felix swears that Jisung actually looks concerned and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “This is what we get for sharing water bottles, I guess.” 

Hyunjin snorts. 

“Hyung!” Jeongin bounds in next, followed by Changbin who literally bulldozes through the others to hug Felix – thankfully more gently than Jisung had. A moment later, Jeongin latches onto his back, and then suddenly everyone is there in a tangle of limbs, and Felix is definitely going to cry–

“Wait,” he says. 

“Are you hurt?” Hyunjin asks quickly. 

“No, I just need to say something,” Felix blinks up at the ceiling in an effort to keep his tears from falling. The others take steps back to give him space. “I, uh, I need to apologize for how I’ve been acting for the past month. I know I shut you guys out, and even though I needed space, I shouldn’t have gotten so angry when you were worried about me, because I would have done the exact same thing. I know there’s nothing I can do to make things better except prove that I’m sorry, but I understand if you don’t really wanna talk to me. I won’t take it personally, I swear.”

“Lix-ah,” Jisung whimpers, his eyes shiny too. “Why are you so sweet?” 

“I’m not being sweet, I’m apologizing,” Felix grumbles. “I hurt all of you, you should be mad at me–”

“Who could be mad at this face,” Changbin squeezes Felix’s cheeks together. 

“Management,” Felix splutters through pursed lips. 

“Ah, fuck management– sorry, hyung!” Jeongin doesn’t look the least bit remorseful for his curse, despite Chan’s gasp. “Hyung, personally I’ve gotten a lot of inspiration from you. Next time Jinnie’s bothering me, I’m just gonna elbow him in the face.” 

“Innie!” Felix wails, but Hyunjin just belly laughs. 

“So you guys don’t hate me?” Felix asks in a small voice. For a moment, the others are silent, staring at the wideness of Felix’s eyes, the genuine fear glimmering amongst his tears. 

“Lixie,” Chan says softly, stepping forward and cupping Felix’s face in his hands. “Even if we get frustrated with you, we still love you. Nothing on this planet could make any of us stop loving you. You’re our Sunshine, no matter how brightly you can shine day to day.” 

And fuck, any hope of not crying is gone. Chan pulls Felix into a tight hug, and then they’re all in a knot of limbs and sniffles. When the door opens, they all have to untangle themselves rather ungracefully considering they’re professional idols. Their choreographer walks in, flanked by their primary manager, Yun, and a man Felix recognizes only from his conduct meeting. 

The boys all bow immediately. 

“Yongbok, welcome back.” Yun, doesn’t look particularly happy to have Felix back, but he doesn’t seem angry, so Felix counts it as a win. “I trust you’ve gotten yourself under control.” 

“Yes, sir,” Felix bows again. 

“You may recognize Jung-ssi from your meeting,” Yun gestures to the man beside him. He, at least, smiles at Felix. “We announced it after you left, but Jung-ssi will be stepping up as a more regular manager, so please address him with the same respect you would to me.” 

Felix, Seungmin, and Minho all nod professionally. Jung steps forward and finally stops smiling at Felix to consult a tablet in his hands. 

“It’s a packed day for all of you … you have choreography blocking with vocals from now until one, then Chan, Changbin, and Jisung …” 

Jung runs through the schedule, and Felix lets Changbin pull him into a side hug while the group steels themselves for the weeks ahead. Felix is just grateful that today isn’t a full-out dance rehearsal kind of day – he needs the time to make sure his balance is perfected for each and every song they may or may not do come tour. Eventually, Jung and Yun leave them with their choreographer, and instantly the mood becomes a bit lighter; the staff members they work with day to day, hour upon hour, become family. 

“Alright, we have five hours to rehearse thirty songs,” the choreographer claps his hands together. “Let’s go.” 

---

The day passes in a blink of an eye; they’re sweaty, they’re tired, but they’re back together again, all eight of them. Felix forgot how much joy he got out of the simple touches – Jeongin carding his fingers through his hair, Minho slapping his butt and running away, Chan giving him a fleeting kiss on the temple. He also forgot how stupid they can all be together. More than once, their choreographer has to clap his hands together and tell them all to focus, but even Chan and Minho are having trouble being professional. It’s the rightness of all of them being together again. 

Everyone seems happy, except … Jisung is acting weird. He’s normal with mostly everyone, but he’s slipping out of Minho’s hugs, blatantly ignoring teases that Minho clearly designs to get a rise out of his boyfriend. At first, Felix is worried it’s his fault, that his return has thrown Jisung off an axis he’d potentially developed in Felix’s absence, but Jisung seeks Felix out again and again, and they’re ultimately too busy for Felix to check in with Jisung about what’s bothering him. He’s also plenty distracted by the untimely new of his doctor’s appointment.  

The second they were done with blocking and vocals, Minho had all but tracked Wooyoung down to explain the doctor’s appointment, then dragged him and the rest of the ‘Angel-Lix Squad’ into one of the company's many spare rooms. 

“This is bad, right?” Felix hisses the second the door is shut behind them and Minho has queued a random playlist. They all drop to the floor and pretend to stretch in case someone peaks in through the window. 

“It’s not good ,” Wooyoung admits. “Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”

“I forgot!” Felix does his best to wail in a whisper. “I was a little distracted at the time.” 

The others shrug amenably. At the time of Felix’s suspension, it was a miracle he was functioning at all, let alone keeping track of his schedule. 

“Aren’t there, like angel doctors or something?” Seungmin suggests. 

“If there are, I bet we wouldn’t know,” Minho says. “The second you have ‘Angel’ on an official record, it would be way too easy for the wrong people to get a hold of the information.” 

A ripple of fear tears down Felix’s spine. Hyunjin wraps his arms around him and shoots a glare in Minho’s direction.

“And you’re sure you can’t get out of it?” Hyunjin asks softly. Felix shakes his head. 

“I tried, but Yun and the other staff were adamant – if I don’t get the physical, I don’t think they’ll let me do any promotions.” 

“Shit,” Seungmin curses. Felix squeezes his eyes shut and hangs his head. 

“They’re going to want to do a blood panel,” he whimpers. “What if my blood is different now?” 

“Fuck your blood!” Seungmin laughs, high and nervous. “What if they want you to take off your jacket!” 

Felix’s wings writhe at the thought. 

“Calm down, Angel,” Hyunjin coos, but Felix is wound up far too much to imagine relaxing. 

“We will figure it out,” Minho promises. “You heard Chan today, right? I’ll say that I want to get a quick check up done and come with you. You’re an adult – if you want to leave a doctor’s appointment, you’re allowed to.” 

Felix looks up at Minho. His hyung seems far more confident that Felix thinks the situation warrants. “I’d just have to go back. And it would be so rude-”

“Lixie, I think being rude is a lot better than being found out,” Hyunjin says seriously, something like a growl roughening his voice. 

“You’re still a human,” Wooyoung says. “Your blood should still be human blood, right? It’s not like blood panels are designed to detect magic anyway. And you’ll wear your contacts on the off chance that your instincts flare up…” 

“I guess,” Felix knows he’s pouting, and maybe he’d feel a little ashamed of his behavior if he wasn’t so damn nervous. 

“Let’s think this through logically,” Wooyoung says. They spend a rushed, overlapping ten minutes half-panicking, half solving potential issues that might come up. Felix is a terrible liar, so they want him to be prepared for any questions the doctor’s might ask. 

Felix, however, only feels worse. 

“Bbokie, it’ll be okay,” Minho says. Felix groans.

“But what if-” 

Before he can keep speaking, the practice room door opens, revealing a shocked looking Jisung. 

“Um,” he says, taking in the group before him. “Hi?”

“H-hey, Ji!” Felix stutters, trying to replace his anxious frown with a smile. 

“Jagiya, what are you doing here?” Minho asks. “I thought you, Chan-hyung, and Bin were finalizing the backing tracks?”

“We finished early,” Jisung says slowly. “What are you doing here? You told me you had a meeting.” 

Jisung’s tone is anything but casual. Felix glances at Hyunjin and finds that the elder looks just as uncomfortable as Felix feels. 

“Soon,” Minho says. “I ran into Wooyoung and we ended up running into the others.” 

Jisung’s surprise is hardening into something unreadable but distinctly bad, and his arms, which had been swinging loosely at his sides, rise to cross tightly over his chest. Felix’s wings do something funny at the sight. 

“We’re actually running late to a meeting ourselves,” Hyunjin says suddenly, taking Felix’s hand and pulling him up. 

“I’ll come with you,” Seungmin jumps at the excuse to leave the suddenly tense atmosphere. 

“I should get back to my own company too,” Wooyoung says. “Minho, I’ll let you know more about the collaboration if I have any ideas, okay?” 

Jisung raises a brow at his boyfriend, and Hyunjin has to drag Felix out of the room to keep Felix from wrapping his twin in a hug. 

“Let’s go, Lix.” 

---

The clinic is private, discreet, and too bright. Felix is tempted to put on his sunglasses to dim the glare of fluorescent lights. 

“Remember, okay?” Minho says from his right. “If they try to examine your back, you –”

“Yes, pretend I'm about to shit myself,” Felix cuts him off. Minho kicks him in the leg. “I mean, I pretend I'm about to throw up and get the fuck out.” 

“You need to curse less,” Minho tuts. “Hannie swears like a sailor now.” 

“Hyung, he did that way before he met me,” Felix reminds him. 

A text on Minho's phone draws both their attention. Minho nods. “Okay, I’ll be right outside the room in case you need me to come in with you. If things really go to hell, I’ll run in and fake an emergency.” 

“And what, we just do that until they forget about the appointment in the first place?” Felix says. It’s a circular conversation that verges on an argument, and has spun and spun the entire walk from the company to the clinic. Minho seems convinced that they can give the company the runaround, but Felix knows better: they won’t just give in to Felix’s stubborn avoidance. 

A nurse steps into the hallway and nods at Felix. Minho gives his hand one last squeeze as Felix rises and enters the examination room. The doctor gestures to the paper-wrapped table, and Felix bows to her before awkwardly hopping onto it with a crinkle. She closes the door, takes a seat in a rolling chair, and taps her pen on a clipboard. 

“Hi, Yongbok-ssi,” the doctor smiles politely, just enough to be warm. “I’m Dr. Kang. You’re here for a full physical, right?” 

“Mostly,” Felix says. He tries to force sunshine into the smile on his face. “I’ve been working with an orthopedist and a physical therapist for a while now, so they’re covering my back care.” 

The clinic probably has records from them, Wooyoung had said, so just try to deflect any questions or concerns that way. 

“But I’ve been having some GI troubles that the company was concerned about,” Felix continues, “so I think they want me to discuss that.” 

Dr. Kang nods, but she doesn’t take the bait right away. “Your back pain, would you say it’s been stable?” 

Felix digs his nails into his palms to keep his face neutral. “Yes. Of course, it gets worse after several performances, especially if I’m unable to do my stretches with all the traveling of a tour, but it’s been stable.” 

Don’t try to lie, okay? Tell the truth about something, just not the truth about your wings, Hyunjin had said. 

Dr. Kang narrows her eyes. Felix presses a hand against his stomach and winces, grateful when her gaze moves from his shoulders to his abdomen. “Tell me about your GI issues – do you experience pain, or nausea, or both?” 

“Both,” Felix says, “but mostly nausea, especially in the mornings.” 

“I’m sure your managers told you, but this clinic works with a lot of idols, so I’m no stranger to the effects of the industry. Do you think you eat enough?” 

They’re going to know about your eating problems. Don’t get defensive, Seungmin had said bluntly but not unkindly. 

“I used to struggle to maintain a healthy deficit, but I’ve been trying to make sure that I’m getting enough food. I won’t lie, whenever we have a comeback I’m usually on some kind of diet, but I’m trying to make sure I’m cutting back on unhealthy and inflammatory foods, not the food I need to survive.” 

Dr. Kang looks pleased at the answer, and that little part of Felix that lives for praise preens. “Any other health problems I should be aware of?” 

It’s tricky because we don’t know what the company told them. Minho had said. If they think you’re holding something back, they might want you to get a more extensive exam.

“I think … I think I just overworked myself,” Felix confesses, making his eyes wide and shiny and his posture small and defeated. “It’s embarrassing. I know how to take care of myself, but the stress of our comeback got to me over the past month. I definitely wasn’t sleeping enough or eating enough, and I guess it took more of a visible toll than I thought.” 

Ding ding ding . Felix can see just how correct that answer is. Dr. Kang’s clinical demeanor softens. “It’s good that you realize that. I think what would be best is to give you a quick physical, get some lab work done to make sure there are no underlying issues, and set you up with a meal plan.” 

Felix nods. He’s nervous for the bloodwork – both because he hates needles, and also because he’s scared his blood has changed somehow, despite the other’s assurances. Sometimes, Felix swears his wings glow in the dark – a just-there halo of gold shimmering from the feathers. What if his blood glows too? 

But there’s no way to get out of lab work, it was going to be a given regardless. 

Dr. Kang has him lie on his back and lift up his shirt. Felix’s hands tremble as he pulls up the fabric of his top – they’d wrapped his wings at the very middle of his back, the most painful binding he’s had so far with the wings pinched and twisted and definitely bulky beneath his jacket, but leaving the top of his chest and abdomen free of wings and bandage. If Dr. Kang wanted him to take off his shirt, she would instantly see that the bandages are clearly hiding something, but she doesn’t. She presses at his abdomen. Felix had googled what localized pain meant, and knows to wince only when she pushes her hands right where his intestines are – not to either side and not too close to his ribs. 

“That hurts?”

“Just a bit,” Felix says. 

“It’s probably digestive trouble,” she says. “If you’ve been trying to eat more regularly after a period of restriction, your body has to adapt to an increase in food. The same goes for the nausea in the morning. I’m guessing you would skip breakfast? Yes, I figured – your body isn’t used to eating so early.”

“That makes sense,” Felix nods. 

“Alright, I’m going to listen to your breathing, take your blood pressure, and then we’ll do the blood test.” 

Felix squeezes his eyes shut. “Can I … I’m sorry, I get really nervous at doctor’s appointments, can my friend come in to hold my hand?” 

You’re lucky you’re cute, Hyunjin had said off handedly. If I asked that, I’d surely get a big fat no. 

(And if Felix had blushed for at least ten minutes, well, at least Seungmin waited to tease him for it until Hyunjin was gone.) 

“Sure,” Dr. Kang sighs. Felix grabs his phone and texts Minho: Come in, she’s listening to my breathing. 

Minho enters a moment later, bowing politely. He moves towards the examination table, but at an angle. That way, he can attempt to create a distraction if Felix’s wings do ‘wing things’ or if Dr. Kang tries to take a look at his back instead of his front. He can also help pull down the purposefully-wide collar of Felix’s shirt so give her access to his upper pec. 

“These bandages,” Dr. Kang doesn’t miss a beat when she spots the elastic. 

“My PT recommended them,” Felix says quickly – maybe too quickly. 

“Bbokie has quite an intensive rehearsal later today, so we’re hoping to not rewrap them,” Minho adds with a charming smile. 

“It’s not ideal, but I can make it work,” Dr. Kang sighs again. She presses the stethoscope to various points at the top of Felix’s chest, and he tries desperately to take deep breaths without shaking. He can’t risk disrupting the very careful bunching of his jacket. “Well, your lungs and heart sound fine. Let’s just get the bloodwork out of the way, and then I will print off a meal plan for you to take home.” 

“Okay,” Felix says shakily. Minho reaches out to take Felix’s hand. He turns his face into Minho’s shoulder as Dr. Kang draws his blood, Minho cooing softly and letting Felix squeeze his fingers to the point that they crack and pop in his grip. 

“Alright, Yongbok-ssi, you’re all done,” Dr. Kang looks up at her patient, and pauses. “Are you wearing contacts?” 

Felix pauses at the question. “Oh, uh, yes.” 

“I didn’t see vision problems in your chart,” she murmurs, flipping through a clipboard that presumably has Felix’s medical history. 

“They’re fashion contacts,” Felix says. 

“I see,” she says, but she still looks confused. “I thought those were normally differently colored than the original eye color?” 

“Fans love Bbokie’s big doe eyes,” Minho cuts him, saving him smoothly. “These are a bit darker than his eye color and a bit bigger.” 

“I see,” Dr. Kang repeats, but she shrugs as if to say I don’t get it, but I don’t really need to. “Just be aware that wearing some fashion contacts for too long can result in dry eyes.” 

“Of course,” Felix nods, maybe a bit too eagerly. “I’ll get some eye drops.” 

“Alright, Yongbok-ssi, you can pick up your meal plan at the front desk when you check out. We’ll call if there are any concerns, but I’m guessing with better nutrition and sleep, you’ll be good as new.” 

Felix and Minho both bow and walk to the lobby to check out and get Felix’s meal plan. Then, they all but run outside. 

“I think that went well,” Minho says. 

“Almost too well,” Felix exhales and tilts his head up towards the sun, caught between relief and an odd sense of foreboding. “I was so worried she was going to make me change into a paper gown or something – you can definitely see that the wings are bunched underneath the bandages.” 

“Speaking of, we should get you unwrapped. That can’t be comfortable.” 

“It’s not,” Felix confirms, opening his eyes as they turn a corner and a building blocks the sun. He looks down at the paper and snorts. “The company would hate this. Carbs at every meal, the horror!” 

“You’re right, it’s a ridiculous meal plan,” Minho says. “They didn’t include desserts at any point.” 

Felix rolls his eyes but tucks the paper into his bag. Now that he knows how similar he and Minho are, he finds himself wanting to eat more, especially in front of his hyung.

“Ice cream isn’t a carb, right? Dairy is a very important source of nutrition, so I hear.” 

Minho smiles at him softly and tucks Felix against his side. “Alright, brat, let’s go get ice cream. Just don’t come crying to me when you have a stomach ache later.” 

They end up grabbing ice cream from a parlor close to the company (a dark chocolate raspberry for Minho and strawberry for Felix) before taking their food into the company and the practice room that the rest of the members will soon be congregating in. They’re both painfully aware that they have a measly half-hour before a grueling six hours of rehearsal, a trend that will be repeated for the days following. They have a full day of taped interviews coming up, ranging from silly and lighthearted to more serious and technically rigorous. Of the seven interviews, four include song performances, and Felix is painfully anxious about messing up his dancing. At the end of the week, they have early morning rehearsal again, then individual lessons and a comparatively early night for everyone except Chan. And then on Saturday, they have their album release, and a party to celebrate. 

Then it’s one week to relax, rest, and prepare before the chaos really begins. It’ll be tour rehearsals and live appearances and fan signs and videos. Somewhere amongst all of it, Felix will have to tell the others about his wings, and then he’ll have to pray that he can keep his wings hidden. 

Felix is so lost in his thoughts and he doesn’t realize Jisung is in front of him until the shadow of his body covers the bright studio light above. 

“Ji?” Felix says. 

But Jisung isn’t looking at him – he’s glaring at Minho. 

“Did you forget to turn your phone on?” he growls, throwing his bag on the ground and crossing his arms. 

Minho blinks up at his boyfriend in what Felix can only describe as abject terror. It would be funny – Minho-hyung, the man who can send shivers down someone’s spine with a well-placed, wide eyed grin, who tosses threats of death like confetti just for the fun of it, is rendered speechless and shaking by chipmunk-cheeked, boba-eyed, endlessly sweet Han Jisung. 

It would be funny, except Jisung looks so fucking hurt. 

“Hannie!” Minho gasps. “Oh, jagiya, I had it on do not disturb. Did you need me?” 

Jisung scoffs. “I wanted to get lunch together like we’d talked about? Literally, this morning?”

Felix bites back a sympathetic wince as guilt starts to build in his chest. “Ji, it’s my fault. I asked Minho-hyung to come with me to a doctor’s appointment because I was scared.” 

“Hyung’s a big boy, he can remember to text his boyfriend back himself,” Jisung practically growls, his eyes never leaving Minho’s. “Can you give us a second, Lix?” 

“Happily,” Felix jumps up and practically runs into the hallway, but with Jisung’s volume, he still manages to catch tidbits of what he’s saying through the door. “A whole week … you didn’t text … is it someone else?” 

Felix’s stomach drops and he peers through the window. Jisung’s anger is starting to crack, revealing pure panic and sadness. Felix’s wings try to flex, and Felix pets them softly through the many layers of fabric keeping them bound. 

It’s my fault, he thinks to himself, stepping away to stop himself from eavesdropping even more. No more than a minute goes by before the door slams open and Jisung runs directly into Felix. He whimpers at the jolt, and when he looks at Felix, it’s with teary eyes and a wobbly lip. 

“Ji?” Felix all but chucks his ice cream cone into the nearest trashcan, prepared to wrap Jisung in his arms. “What’s wrong-”

But Jisung turns on his heel and sprints away. 

“Jisung, wait!” Felix yells, but Jisung is already around the corner. Felix resists the urge to rip out his hair and follows after him. He barely keeps up – Jisung is fast – but when he loses him, it’s in the same hall as the 3racha studio.  

Like all of the doors in the company, there’s a small window built into the wood, and the curtain is pulled tightly shut – usually a sign that whoever is inside wants to be alone – but Jisung didn’t close the door all the way, and Felix can hear poorly-muffled sobs coming from inside. 

“Ji, I’m coming in,” Felix says. Jisung doesn’t say no, doesn’t yell, so Felix carefully pushes open the studio door, steps inside, and closes it tightly behind him. 

Jisung isn’t curled up on the couch like Felix though he’d have been. It’s worse – he’s hunched on the floor, hands grasping at the fabric of his sweatpants like they’re the only thing keeping him rooted to reality. His eyes are wide and bulging, but not seeing anything; no, they stare into the nothingness of panic. 

Worst of all, his breaths are coming in short, desperate gasps. 

Felix drops to the ground next to Jisung. “Ji, okay, you’ve gotta breathe, baby, remember? Where are your meds?” 

Jisung just shakes his head, and Felix remembers that Jisung had his bag with him in the studio. 

Felix takes out his phone to shoot a text to Seungmin, who, based on his schedule, is closest by and free. He would text Minho, but he doesn’t think Jisung wants to see him right now. 

 

Kitty: can you grab ji’s bag from the practice room and bring it to 3racha studio? don’t come when u do, just leave it outside

Puppy: Only because I’m the best. Panic attack?

Kitty: yeah :( 

 

Felix puts his phone away and scooches closer to Jisung. “Breathing or grounding exercise?” 

But Jisung just shakes his head. God, this is a bad one – normally, Jisung likes it when someone walks him through his anxiety; he says that it gives him something to do, and hearing their voices helps him from losing himself entirely. However, when he has a particularly rough panic attack, nothing can break through the fear. 

 

Puppy: Shit, I think Minho hyung got the bag and brought it with him to lunch or something. It’ll take a bit to track it down. 

 

“Shit,” Felix whispers. 

Jisung’s barely exhaling now, just shuddering and heaving with inhale after desperate inhale. He looks like he’s on the brink of fainting, and he’s no longer clawing at his sweatpants but at the skin on his hands and arms. 

And then it goes quiet. For a moment, Felix thinks Jisung actually did pass out and starts to panic himself, but then he sees the way Jisung’s eyes are bulged and unblinking, the way his scratching is frozen in time. His wings suddenly and aggressively strain against the bandages, despite having been relatively cooperative for the whole day otherwise. 

“Really?” Felix asks them. They strain again, pushing so hard that he hears threads of elastic popping. 

He needs comfort, Felix’s own voice muses. He needs this. 

Felix’s arms move practically of their own accord, pulling the sweatshirt off as his eyes scan the room. The studios are notoriously private, cameraless, and the curtain is pulled over the door, but it’s still risky-

He needs you. 

There’s that warmth again, that pressure that overrides any concern for Felix’s privacy. In a few frozen seconds, the uncomfortable bandages are gone, and Felix’s wing burst free. 

Time begins again with a shuddering breath from Jisung. Felix leans towards him again, pulls him into his arms, and wraps his wings around him like a cocoon. 

Jisung stills at once with the quietest of hiccups, then a small gasp. Felix squeezes his eyes shut, terrified – when Hyunjin saw his wings, it was from several feet away, not from within a cocoon of feathers, and if Jisung freaked out, yelled, panicked more … well it would be as understandable as it would be heartbreaking. 

But then Jisung deflates into Felix’s hug, his body going weak and the little gasps turning into wet cries. 

“Oh, Ji, what’s wrong?” Felix murmurs. He rocks Jisung back and forth, his feathers shifting with a whisper like water on stones. 

Jisung doesn’t answer, but his arms raise to wrap around Felix as well. Felix just lets him cry it out, grateful that the panic attack has at least ended. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, warm and cozy in a cave of white feathers that Felix swears are almost glowing in the dim lighting. Finally, Jisung runs out of tears or energy and maybe both, looks up at Felix. 

And screams. 

“AHHH!” 

Jisung scrambles backwards, hands dragging against the carpet and feet kicking so quickly the movement is a blur. Felix feels a hole open in the very center of his chest – dread, terror, the awful realization that his worst fears are coming true. 

Jisung stops when his back hits a wall. His breathing is fast again, and Felix hates that he did that, he did that–

His wings respond to the guilt with a harsh jolt. Jisung jumps. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispers. “I’m so sorry. I can leave – I shouldn’t have – I’ll go-” He jumps to his feet, dizzy with fear, and grabs the swatches of bandages, but his wings won’t relax, won’t retract, so he moves to pull the sweatshirt over his head, hoping he can just stuff the wings into something like hiding and flee to the bathroom–

“Wait.” 

Felix does. 

Jisung presses a hand to his chest and shakily rises to his feet. “Don’t leave.” 

“I can, Ji,” Felix wills his voice to remain steady; he doesn’t want Jisung to have to suffer through his fear just to comfort Felix. “I just need to get my … it’s hard without the bandages –”

“You have wings.” 

Jisung says it with all of the weight of someone discovering a new planet. That feels apt, Felix’s supposes. 

“Yeah.” 

Jisung takes another step forward. “The feathers … the bandages. Does – oh my God, does Minho-hyung know?” 

Felix exhales in relief. “Yeah. He was – yeah, he knows. That’s why he’s been acting weird – he’s been trying to cover for me. He found out and said he had mono to help take care of me. He’s been trying to help me hide them. It’s why I was acting so weird.” 

“Oh,” Jisung nods, sinking slowly onto the couch. He laughs once, a shaky punch from his chest. “Hah. That’s a relief, then. It’s not that I don’t trust him, you know? I trust him with my life, but I could tell he was hiding something from me. When he had fake mono,” Jisung laughs humorlessly, “he didn’t call me nearly as much as I expected. I guess I got worried that maybe he wasn’t as in love with me as I’d thought.”

“That’s stupid,” Felix says. Then his jaw drops in horror. “I don’t mean you're stupid, I mean that the idea of Minho not being painfully and terribly in love with you is stupid. But I get why you’d be scared, you know? I mean you’re right, something was going on, just nothing to do with you.” Felix cuts himself off from his insane rambling with a deep breath. “Sorry – are you okay?” 

“I think so?” Jisung laughs again. Felix notices that he seems to be avoiding looking at him. “I’ve never had a panic attack go away like that – was that, like, magic?” 

And finally, he looks up at Felix, all huge boba eyes and open mouthed wonder. “Like, angel magic? Your wings … they felt safe?” 

Felix’s feathers flutter with happiness. Felix wants to tsk them – it’s so not the moment. 

“I think so?” Felix says. “I’m still kind of figuring out what they – what I – can do.” 

Jisung scooches to the side and pats the open space next to him. Felix hesitantly moves forward, and when Jisung nods, sinks onto the couch. His wings still won’t close all the way, like they want to wrap Jisung up again and hide him from all of the panic in the world. Or maybe it’s Felix who wants that. 

“Can I touch them?” 

“Yeah,” Felix nods. “You’re … I thought you were scared?” 

Jisung gently rests an open palm at the tail of Felix’s wing. The warmth is immediate and perfect and Felix relaxes against the cushions. “Oh, I was terrified!”

“Ji!” Felix laughs. Jisung rolls his eyes like a cartoon character. 

“My best friend has a pair of wings on his back. I think it would be weirder if I wasn’t scared.” 

“Seungmin barely batted an eye and that was before they were grown in,” Felix snorts. “I think he knew I was an angel before I’d even come to terms with it.” 

“Minnie knows too?” Jisung gasps. “What the hell!” 

“Roommate privileges,” Felix teases. “So does Hyunjin.” 

“Well that makes sense,” Jisung rolls his eyes. “You and Jinnie-”

Felix’s wings twitch and tremble, rising up like a dog that just heard the word ‘park’. Jisung’s mouth drops open with glee. 

“Stop,” Felix begs. “It’s so embarrassing, and I spent nearly a week being teased about it by your boyfriend already.” 

“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Jisung coos. “Okay, okay, I’m done! I was just going to say that you and Hyu-him know everything about each other. It’s not surprising that you’d tell him this too, especially after your weird fighting-not-fighting.” 

“I kind of snuck out to find him the night before I came back, I owed him an explanation,” Felix confesses. “So if you could tell Minho-hyung not to punish me for leaving the dorms in the name of romance, that would be appreciated.” 

“Yeah, you’re fucked, romance or not,” Jisung snorts, and then they’re both giggling and laughing and clutching each other with the desperation of two bodies caught in a flood, two people taken to the brink of fear only to be pulled back to safety. 

When they finally go quiet, Felix turns to find Jisung already watching him. 

“You have questions, don’t you?” Felix asks. 

“About a thousand, but I’m guessing you’re kind of sick of answering them.” 

“I would for you,” Felix says truthfully. Jisung rolls his eyes. 

“I’ll just start with one for now – can you fly?” 

Felix grins. “Haven’t tried yet.” 

Jisung turns to face him and grabs Felix’s hands, links their pinkies together, and raises his brows seriously. “When you try, I’d better be there.” 

Felix squeezes. “Deal.” 

Jisung glances down at Felix’s phone. “Well, we have fifteen minutes til rehearsal. Think you can give me the summary of what happened?” 

Felix nods, and with what feels like practiced efficiency, tells Jisung everything.

---

Having four people in on the ‘Wing Thing’, as Seungmin has taken to calling it, makes things astoundingly easier if the next couple days are anything to go by. Jisung seems to know exactly when the bound wings start causing Felix pain, and he’s always there in an instant to massage Felix’s shoulders, already mindful of where the wings lie beneath the elastic – likely due to the fact that he had to help Felix re-wrap the wings in the studio.  

Whenever anyone, be it a well-meaning Jeongin or their new manager, Jung, ask Felix any risky questions (“What antibiotic did you take again?” “What did he do during his suspension anyways?”), Seungmin answers with a deadpan response so outlandish (“I’m partial to horse tranquilizer myself.” “Personally I got a lot of joy watching him sleep, wanna see pictures?”) that the original question is forgotten altogether. 

Minho and Hyunjin, unsurprisingly, lead the ‘Keep Felix Healthy’ mission, though from two different angles. Minho, as Seungmin predicted, treats Felix like a kitten – he takes to keeping nutritious, but healthy, snacks on his person 24/7, and Jisung tells Felix that Minho ordered protein shakes in bulk not only to Felix’s dorm but to their own as well. Minho also becomes borderline-paranoid about the health of Felix’s wings. The hours Danceracha is putting into practicing – both to ensure that they are completely prepared for any dance that might come their way throughout their tour and to make sure that Felix’s wings don’t throw him too off balance – are often peppered with constant questioning. Are you okay? Is your back hurting? Are you cramping? 

Hyunjin, in comparison, seems to have developed a sixth sense for Felix’s instincts as well as an embarrassingly adept method of calming him down. And damn, are the instincts still very much there. One night, all of them miles past burnt out, each of their nerves frayed to snapping, Seungmin bumped into Changbin, who gritted his teeth and and snapped: 

“Fuck, Minnie, watch where you’re going!”

And Felix had felt not warmth but fire lick up his spine, had straightened up and walked straight towards Changbin with the intention to – to what? To fight his hyung? He wasn’t sure, not even consciously in his body – there was just Seungmin’s hurt pout and deflated posture.

But before he could take more than a single step, Hyunjin intercepted him with a tug to the arm and firm hug, cutting off Felix’s line of sight. As soon as Felix was tucked in the embrace, the fight went out of him, the heat thawed to that perfect, gold warmth, and his anger vanished. 

“Easy, Angel,” Hyunjin whispered. Felix’s wings fought against their bindings, beneath Hyunjin’s palm splayed wide across his back, and Hyunjin chuckled. “You guys too.” 

“Sorry,” Felix whispered back. “I … I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

“I don’t know either,” Hyunjin pulled back and moved to Felix’s side, keeping a hand firmly around Felix’s waist in case he tried to move again. The fight fully fizzled out of Felix as he watched Changbin pinch the bridge of his nose and pull Seungmin into an apologetic hug. 

“I’m sorry, Minnie, I’m just tired.” 

“I know, hyung,” Seungmin promised. “We’re all feeling it.”  

“See? We’re all okay,” Hyunjin gave Felix one last squeeze. “Alright, let’s go again. Maybe we can be in bed before three.” 

“Thanks,” Felix smiles up at Hyunjin. “I owe you.”

He’ll tell the others soon, he decides as they get back into position. He doesn’t like the idea of admitting he needs help, but now that it’s been so freely given to him, he can’t help but want more. 

“From the top!” Minho calls. “Fighting!”

And the chorused back Fighting feels all the weightier to Felix in that moment. 

  

 

Notes:

And if you are thinking to yourself 'that felt too easy', so is Felix. And if you're thinking 'wow, so convenient that Wooyoung is there', well, pretend it makes sense for me <3

Hoping to have my usual thursday update ready, but I'm going out of town then next 2 weekends, so things might get hairy!

THANKS FOR READING AS ALWAYS !!

Chapter 9: just keep it at your own pace

Summary:

Felix’s return to the group is going so, so sweet.
Figures someone would try to make things bitter.

Notes:

So sorry for the delay!! I ended up being without my laptop for a while so I’m just now getting this out. In atonement here is 9000+ words of pure fluff mixed with some soon-to-be interesting plot developments. Also apologies for any formatting issues. I’m posting this from my phone!!!

Felix hates the protein shakes. 

They taste artificial and chalky, like sediment is being left on his tongue no matter how much water he chugs afterwards. Plus, he drank through all the strawberry flavor, so he’s left with banana, and the taste is so far from the actual fruit that he feels nauseous just thinking about finishing the bottle. He debates on hiding it in the cupholder, but Minho’s watching him carefully this morning, and Felix doesn’t have the energy to fight back. 

They’re nearly to the filming location for their day of interviews – a nondescript, for-rent space where dozens of people from different magazines, websites, and companies will be waiting with questions and eagle-lensed cameras. Felix can’t help but remember the last time he went to an interview and the ensuing fallout. 

“It won’t be like last time,” Hyunjin whispers to him. “These interviews are really professional, remember? They’re just going to ask us about the album and have us play some stupid games.”

“Mhmm,” Felix hums anxiously. Hyunjin rests his hand right over the bend of Felix’s wings, curled as they are beneath the elastic, and gently rubs his thumb against them. It’s nothing compared to the actual feeling of gentle pets against his feathers, but it’s Hyunjin, so his wings still preen with happiness. 

“Are they like that with all the members?” Hyunjin whispers. Felix feels his face burn, because the answer is yes, but not quite – of course the wings adore any and all praise, of course Felix melts when anyone strokes the feathers, but they love Hyunjin. Felix just nods again with a small smile. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “Typical.” 

Minho turns around. “Lots of chatter back there for a half-full protein shake.” 

Felix sighs and sinks back against the seat, but he knows that his instincts cannot, under any circumstance, run amok today, and taking hangryness out of the equation removes one extra variable from his arsenal of worries. Plus, if he focuses on the way Minho’s eyes soften with every sip he takes, the chalkiness doesn’t taste quite as bad.

---

Their dressing room is more of a spare room-turned-explosion of clothing racks and ad hoc vanities, but the smell of hairspray and the buzzing of stylists is as familiar as any other dressing room they’ve used. Chan immediately moves to where Jung and the head stylist stand, leaving the rest of the Kids to find their individual stylists and start getting ready. The protein shake feels heavy in Felix’s stomach, and it only further cements as a stylist approaches him with a garment bag. 

“Your outfit, Yongbok-ssi,” the stylists bows slightly, and Felix returns the gesture before taking it. “If you can just undress, I can help you-” 

“Can I actually change in private?” Felix says as quietly as possible, mindful of Jung’s proximity. The stylist gapes a bit, so Felix adds. “I’ll let you know if I have any trouble with the clothes, but I would appreciate the privacy.” 

The stylist blushes a bit. “Of course. There’s a curtain back there-” she nods to a partitioned area of the room, “-which you’re more than welcome to use.” 

“Thank you,” Felix smiles sunnily, and she blushes again. He takes the bag behind the curtain, moving as surreptitiously as possible, and unzips it. 

“Shit,” he whispers. 

The outfit is objectively beautiful – structured pants that seem to fit tightly at the waist and thighs and flare towards the bottom, white canvas material with shining gold loops and buckles; they’re not the problem though -- the top is. It’s clearly cropped, a tank top with distressed, thin straps he imagines would criss-cross over his shoulders; the material is sturdy, boned in some way to keep its structure tight, presumably to make up for the lack of fabric across the back. Because the back is verging on sheer, beautifully embroidered with golden swoops. The translucent fabric connects to the front not with stitching but with large golden hoops, presumably to show off a stripe of skin down either side of Felix’s torso, and short enough to risk flashing his abs. 

It would show the bandages. Hell, it probably wouldn’t even fit over the bandages. 

Tears prick the corners of Felix’s eyes as he runs a finger across the embroidered fabric. It’s beautiful, and Felix wishes he could wear it, but more than that, he wonders if he’ll ever be able to wear anything like this again. He’s always loved fashion that has a foot solidly across the line of traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine, has always loved delicate pieces that look more like artwork than clothing, but with the wings on his back, will he ever be able to wear those types of pieces again? 

He loves the LV shows, loves the magazine shoots he gets to do, loves being the medium for fashion. But how the hell is he going to continue his fashion ventures when he can’t even wear a tanktop? 

“Yongbok-ssi?” The stylist asks, not so close to the curtain to be prying, but near enough that Felix jumps. Felix blinks skyward until the tears stop stinging and exits with the tanktop in hand. 

“It didn’t fit,” Felix lies. Minho is nearby as his stylist pins his pants at the ankles, and he looks up with concern, eyes flitting from the top to Felix with increasingly panicked understanding. The stylist frowns at the garment. 

“Really? It’s made to your exact measurements.” 

“I must have gained weight.” The lie tastes like cyanide and artificial banana. “Do you have anything looser?”

Minho makes a hurt kind of noise, and Felix finally looks at him. If anyone would understand why the words make Felix want to scream, it would be Minho. His hyung mouths I’m sorry, but Felix just shrugs. 

The stylist’s frown deepens. She leans over a clipboard and then says something unintelligible to her coworker. Finally, she turns back to Felix with a pinched, inauthentic smile. “We’ll find something.” 

Hyunjin watches Felix from a makeup chair, looking stunning despite his tight-lipped concern. Like the others, he’s dressed in white; unlike the others, he wears a strappy, ripped tanktop that bare his arms. His makeup artist dabs shimmery highlighter over his biceps, emphasizing the bulge of muscle. 

Felix’s throat is very dry. 

“Here,” the stylist returns with a garment bag, unzipping to reveal a loose, distressed sweater and a shimmery, but seemingly more elastic, tanktop. “It’s not ideal, but this is loose and the collar is low, I know the company likes to show off your bones.” 

It’s such a sucker punch of a statement, and Felix basically stumbles his way behind the partition. The top is nice -- it reminds him of the outfits they wore for the Lose My Breath MV, the way the white knit is loose and spaced out, reminiscent of webbing. Like the stylist predicted, the collar of it is wide, and the tanktop itself crosses at the back, so the sweater practically falls off his shoulders in a way that he knows will be appreciated. 

“That’s cute on you,” Jisung says when Felix slips into the chair beside him. “Better than the tank top for … your back.” 

“Exactly,” Felix says stiffly as a makeup artist begins priming his skin. He wonders if they’ll cover his freckles or not. The fans love his freckles, but Korean beauty standards do not, so it’s a toss up these days. 

“Okay, Kids,” Jung calls as he re-enters the room. “We’ll have you do a few seated interviews first. Bang Chan, I expect you, Jisung, and Chanbgin will be called upon a lot upfront to speak to the music, but all of you will probably get a question. The first two interviews are more serious and focused on the album, but the rest are lighthearted. Be cute, be funny, tease, the usual.” 

The members nod from their scattered locations. 

“The last four interviews will end with dances, so save your energy – no rough housing.”

Felix closes his eyes and focuses on taking a deep breath. He’s so, so anxious for the dancing. 

Thankfully, the interviews are a perfect blend of monotonously predictable and lighthearted. Jung was right – 3racha speak heavily about the concept behind the album and the production process. Seungmin and Jeongin comment on the vocals as well, even demonstrating their impressive harmonies on a total whim, which delights the interviewer they’re speaking with. Felix, Minho, and Hyunjin end up answering a handful of questions about the choreography, the blend of fluidity and aggression that they promise will be evident in their performances. Felix catches a few questions about upcoming fashion shoots and the LV show that serve as a bitter reminder he has to smile though, as does Hyunjin for Versace. 

Still, Felix is glad when the more serious, technical interviews are over, and they get to have a bit more fun. They play the headband game again, which leaves them all in stitches when Seungmin ‘fails’ to guess “Bulgogi” and guesses “JYP” instead after the vague clue of “greasy”. They tease and rib and probably frighten some of their interviewers with their sheer volume, but Felix knows Stay will eat it up. 

Then it’s time for the dancing. They start well enough. They’re just performing one song, which Felix is grateful for – it doesn’t include any turns, but does showcase his fast footwork, and by the time they finish the third iteration of it, he’s wondering why he was ever worried in the first place. 

They break before their final interview, sweaty but smiling. Minho presses a protein bar into Felix’s hand and he takes it with a grin, because he’s actually hungry now, and seeing Minho smile back is worth everything. 

“Good job out there,” Chan says, nudging him in the shoulder. 

“You too, hyung,” Felix says through a mouthful of food. “I think we’re doing really well.” 

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” Jung says as he nears them, though from his mouth it sounds much more like a threat. “Yongbok, you have crumbs.” 

Felix quickly brushes away the bits of granola that have managed to fall on the sweater. Jung’s eyes narrow at the garment, then at his tablet, but he doesn’t comment on the wardrobe change. “One more dance and then you’re free to go. Remember, tomorrow’s our last day of practice before the album release on Saturday, so get ready to sweat.” 

Way to kill the mood, Felix thinks, and given the half-hearted nods of assent from the rest of the members, he can tell he’s not the only one thinking it.

“Let’s get back out there, boys!” Chan claps Hyunjin and Changbin, on either side of him, on the shoulders, and they grin at each other before taking their places. 

The music starts and Felix feels it settle deep into his bones. He loves this stage of dancing, when the steps are second nature, the movements as innate as breathing – when it’s just him, the members, are the music. He winks at Jisung when they pass each other in a formation, pokes his tongue out when Jeongin catches his eye, and preens when one of the interviewers filming them lets out a low whistle in regards to Felix’s footwork. 

It’s all going so well, until it’s not. 

Felix is dropped into a crouch, a rare eight count where he’s not moving, all of the members semi-circled around Changbin as he raps at triple speed, where Felix is positioned right behind the rapper and can dare to let his expression drop just a bit. That’s when he hears the distant sound of a barely-there hum. At first, Felix thinks the sound is microphone feedback – a low, persistent tone that grows, and Felix glances at the others, but they don’t seem to hear it. Then the sound builds, and Felix feels his wings strain. It’s a pure, perfect note pealing through the air with increasing volume, and Felix’s brain shuts down. 

There is only that sound – building, somehow, louder, realer, so thick in the air that Felix wants to raise a hand as if to touch it. It’s a note he could not find on a piano, or with his voice – and a part of him thinks it sounds like Innie and Seungmin. Warmth spreads down his body, the exact temperature of a hug from Hyunjin or Chan or Changbin. 

He forgets where he is, forget everything except that sound and the warmth, and his wings are fighting so hard at their elastic that Felix is half tempted to tear it off and let them fly open-

He doesn’t realize he’s frozen until Seungmin bumps into him, and then he’s back in his body, if only for a moment. Seungmin shoots him a panicked look from where he’s now standing looking down at Felix, and Felix realizes that he’s lost at least half-an eight count, if not a full. The sound is dimming now, but it’s still there, and Felix thinks the only thing that gets him moving is sheer panic. He can tell that his movements are less fluid, less energetic – the difference may not be noticeable to the camera crews and interviewers, but he’s sure that the members noticed his mistake and see his sudden sluggishness. By the time they’ve finished the dance, Felix is smiling through tears that he prays the cameras don’t pick up. 

They’re dismissed quickly, and Seungmin appears at his side in a heartbeat, but Felix shakes his head. He can’t start talking about the slip up, or he’ll start crying, and if he starts crying, anyone in the vicinity -- including the still-lingering interviewers -- will be the first to see. Instead, Seungmin squeezes Felix’s hand. Minho and Hyunjin find him next, flanking him like bodyguards all the way to the dressing room, kind enough not to comment when Felix practically runs behind the partition to strip off his outfit. The moment he’s back in his clothes, he sinks the ground and buries his head in his knees.

What the fuck happened, he wonders. He swears he can still hear that mysterious sound ringing distantly in his ears, and at the thought, his wings bunch and writhe. 

“Not now,” he whispers to them. “Please. I just need to be normal for a bit longer.” 

“Bok-ah, you ready?” Minho calls from nearby. Felix calls a rushed, “Yes, hyung,” and drags himself back upright. He passes his clothes to his stylist with an apologetic bow and joins the others at the center of the dressing room, where Jung seems ready to hold court. 

“Good job today, boys,” he says. “I know it was a long day, but we got a lot of good content, which means a lot of good press for the comeback. Most of these interviews will probably get released tomorrow to drum up excitement, so don’t be surprised when your socials start exploding again.” 

He grins, and the kids laugh goodnaturedly. 

“Alright, you’re free to go. Try to rest up where you can, tomorrow’s going to be an early start.” 

Felix let’s Changbin pull him into a side hug as they start to head for the door, but then Jung clicks his tongue.

“Yongbok, hang back,” Jung says. Felix closes his eyes, feeling the pressure of tears threatening to fall. Hyunjin’s hand tightens on his shoulder. 

“I’ll wait for you,” Hyunjin promises. 

“Me too,” Chan says. His eyes are dark, serious where they flit between the manager and Felix. 

“Not necessary, boys, I’ll make sure a car gets Felix back to the company.”

Jung says this with finality. Felix watches Chan and Hyunjin tense and puts a gentle hand on each of their shoulders. “It’s fine, guys, I know you both have things to do.” 

It is very much not fine, Felix feels, but the last thing he wants to do is drag Hyunjin and Chan down with him. Jung smiles and motions to the dressing room, Felix following with all the enthusiasm of a prisoner on death row. 

“A few things,” Jung starts promptly. “How are you feeling now that you’re back?”

Felix is caught off guard by the question, namely it’s kindness. “Um, I’m better. I’ve been working harder at eating enough food and getting rest where I can.” 

Jung nods but clicks his tongue. “Yes, the clinic called and said much the same in regards to your treatment. They sent a copy of the meal plan as well. Have you been following it?”

This could be a trap. Felix knows the meal plan far exceeds the calorie limit he’s been set by JYPE in the past, but given the company’s insistence that he get the appointment in the first place, going against the doctor’s wishes could be seen as a slap in the face to management as a whole. “As best I can for the past two days,” Felix finally answers. Jung smiles sympathetically, and Felix knows it was the wrong answer. 

“And I understand why you would, we should have reached out sooner. Unfortunately, with so many promotional events coming up, we think it might be unwise to incorporate so many carbohydrates over protein and fiber.” 

How dare you eat bread when we need you to look like a porcelain doll, would have been a more accurate statement, Felix muses. He bites down the familiar panic and settles for nodding. 

“After all, the stylists mentioned you were unable to fit into the tank top they’d intended to have you wear. Of course, I’m not telling you to abstain from food all together, but you have an image to maintain, Yongbok. The doctor’s weighed you and you’ve gained nearly five kilos. We’ll send over a revised meal plan that ensures you’re getting the necessary nutrients without the unnecessary calories, hmm?” 

Boiled chicken breast, spinach and kale, broth. Felix wants to scream. He gained five kilos of muscle, bone, and feathers, but that doesn’t matter – from where Jung sits, Felix has simply let himself go. 

(You should gain five more kilos of actual body weight, a voice that sounds like Minho’s whispers in his head. Fuck this guy.)

“Also,” Jung continues, as if he didn’t just undo Felix’s self worth in a few measly sentences, “is your back bothering you? 

Felix freezes, his wings suddenly feeling very heavy beneath his sweatshirt. He barely remembers to answer. “No, my back’s fine.” 

“Then what reason do you have for that freeze out there? You were off for almost a full eight count.” 

Jung’s smile is still there, still neutral and pleasant the way disinfectant is neutral and pleasant, but his eyes are colder than they were moments ago. 

“I have no excuse,” Felix says hollowly. “It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.” 

Jung eyes him keenly before sighing and putting the laptop away. “I understand you were gone for a considerable amount of time, despite a comeback approaching so rapidly, but I was assured that you’re typically on top of things. I hope you’re able to prove that in the future, I don’t care to micromanage but I’ll have no trouble doing so, if needed, and that includes more frequent weigh-ins. Any weakness in the group drags everyone down, right?” 

Every word is like a punch to the stomach, and the final question all but knocks Felix to his back. 

“Yes sir,” Felix can barely breathe. And then Jung smiles widely and claps a heavy hand on Felix’s back, too close to his wrapped wings for comfort. 

“Don’t look so serious, Yongbok! I’m sure you’ll improve in a matter of days, right?” 

“Of course.” 

“Well, I’m going to hang back here and ensure that the Interviewers are feeling confident with what they heard today. Maybe spend this time practicing those dances, hmm?”

And with that Jung disappears from the dressing room, leaving Felix to numbly collect his things. He’s sure that the others will have told a car to hang back for him, but when he exits the building and gets inside the last remaining van, he’s surprised to see Chan and Hyunjin waiting inside. The latter wastes no time pulling him into the car next to him. 

“I thought you had things to do?” Felix says breathlessly. Chan crawls from the backseat to sit on Felix’s other side. 

“I didn’t want to leave you alone,” Chan says. “What did Jung say?” 

Felix shakes his head minutely as tears well in his eyes, his eyes flickering towards the driver and back to Chan. Chan’s face falls. “Felix, please tell me.”

“M’sorry I froze,” Felix whimpers tremulously. “Make Minnie stumble.” 

“He barely slipped,” Hyunjin wraps his arms around Felix and squeezes. “If anything you just … went fuzzy for a second or two.” 

Felix swears he can still hear whatever that sound was ricocheting through his head. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Felix whimpers again. “Fucked up. Couldn’t even wear …” 

Felix trails off. He doesn’t know how to communicate his frustration with his wings with Chan and the driver in the car. Doesn’t know how to explain that Jung is giving Felix blanket permission to restrict, to grab control and ground himself in it, but that Felix doesn’t want that. Doesn’t know how he’ll shed the weight of his wings from the skin of his body without spiraling right back where he came from.   

“I let you down,” he finishes, his wings thrumming against his back, where Hyunjin can surely feel them. Chan’s face falls even more, eyes pleading and desperate and so tired. 

“Felix, what did Jung say?” 

Felix just shakes his head, presses his face into Hyunjin’s chest, and cries. 

---

Chan insists that Felix takes the rest of the day to relax, but Felix shakes his head. 

“Jung wants me to practice,” Felix says. He thinks it might be easier for Chan, and the others, if they have someone to blame who isn’t Felix; besides, it’s true – Jung wants Felix to practice, and the last thing he needs is Jung looking at Felix any closer than he already seems to be. 

That’s where he finds himself hours later. 

“You look fine!” Hyunjin groans to the practice room ceiling from where he lies, flat on his back and covered in sweat. “I think your freeze was a fluke.” 

Felix hasn’t told Hyunjin about the noise, about the way he felt time freeze for him but apparently no one else, because the more space he has between now and earlier, the more he’s convinced he imagined things. 

“That’s not good enough,” Felix says sharply. He’s exhausted -- it’s eleven thirty at night, and the light dinner he ate six hours ago (straight out of his new meal plan, bland and tiny) has long since been burnt off. His back twitches and spasms from where the wings have been bound for far too long now, but Felix can only mentally whisper an apology to his feathers, promising them that he’ll groom them thoroughly before bed to make up for the suffering. 

“You look your version of fine, which is incredible,” Hyunjin says. “We still have so many rehearsals coming up, but if you tire yourself out by dancing til two, you’re going to be too tired to dance well.” 

“Just thirty more minutes,” Felix says pleadingly. “Please, Jinnie, I’m still falling out of my turns. It’s one thing that I froze today, but if I fuck up during a live performance, I’m going to bump into everyone around me. Jung made it sound like I’m on thin ice as it is…” 

Hyunjin frowns. 

“You can leave without me,” Felix says. “I don’t want to keep you here when you could be relaxing at home.” 

“And let you head home alone?” Hyunjin snorts. “Yeah right.” 

“I can head back with Channie-hyung,” Felix points out. “He’s only the single most protective person we know. He’ll probably tuck me into bed and give me a warm glass of milk.” 

Hyunjin bites his lip. Felix knows Hyunjin has been staying late at the company whenever Felix does, just so he can ensure that Felix makes it home safe. At first, it was logical -- they’re both members of the dance line, and as such, they need to know every dance to the very marrow of their bones. Tonight, though, Hyunjin shouldn’t be here, not to run and re-run and re-re-rerun the same eight count turn over and over again. Hyunjin knows it. He’s not the one with wings on his back. 

The sight of dark circles beneath his eyes makes Felix’s wings tremble. Hyunjin must see the ring of gold that circles his eyes -- he discarded his contacts earlier due to irritation -- because he sits up. “I’m not in danger, Lix.” 

That helps, Felix notices. Hyunjin, or Minho, or Seungmin, or Jisung, but so often Hyunjin, reminding him that his instincts, while appreciated, are overreacting. 

“You’re tired,” Felix counters, his voice taking on a growlish timber. “You need to rest.” 

Hyunjin groans again. “I can’t just leave you--” 

“Chan will walk me back,” Felix promises. “I won’t leave without another person. I promise. But I also won’t sleep well knowing that you’ll just be overly exhausted tomorrow.”

Hyunjin looks at him for a long, serious minute before he sighs and rises to his feet. “I’m trusting you to that.” 

Even though you lied to me before, goes unspoken. 

“Thank you,” Felix says. 

Hyunjin leaves slowly, achingly, but still he leaves, and Felix runs the music again and again. His wings twitch and pull and, when the next hour slips by, thrash, but Felix keeps slipping on that stupid, fucking turn-- 

“Hyung!” 

Felix gasps and slips, landing hard on his butt. He hisses through his teeth but fights his urge to flop flat on his back and die.

Because Jeongin stands in the door, and he is pissed. 

“Innie?” Felix asks, voice raspy from exertion. Jeongin huffs a breath, closes the door behind him, and storms to the speaker to shut off the music. The ensuing silence is filled only with Felix’s panting breaths and the unspoken weight of Jeongin’s anger. 

His wings twitch again, but not the way they had before -- in a plea to be released, in a plea for Felix to rest; no, this movement is hot and worried, because his member is unhappy. 

“What’s wrong?” Felix asks.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongin snaps. He storms towards Felix and crouches down, the sharp lines of his cheekbones severe in his frustration. “What’s wrong is that it’s one AM and you look like you’re about to faint. Again.” 

Felix’s chest tightens the same way his wings tense. 

“I just need to get this turn down,” Felix says hollowly. Jeongin’s jaw drops, and then he’s yelling. 

“You have the turn down! I was watching you through the fucking window for fifteen minutes! You told everyone you were fine, but fine doesn’t look like working yourself to death! I knew it -- I told Channie-hyung that you were taking things too far, but everyone told me to give you space, and what happened? You had to go away for three weeks!” 

Jeongin’s eyes are wide with rage, but they’re also glassy with tears. Tears that drip down the planes of his face, which he rubs aggressively away. Felix realizes that this isn’t just about right now. This is about the past month – this is Jeongin breaking. 

And, well, he meant it when he said they were allowed – hell, they should – be a bit mad at him. He just didn’t expect the angry member to be Jeongin. 

“Y-you don’t just get to get bad again! I don’t care if that’s fucked up to say, we need you. I - I need you, hyung! And if you’re just going to start overworking again … I don’t want to have to watch.” 

Felix’s wings thrash and push, and Felix can only gape as Jeongin turns on the spot and storms out of the dorm. 

Eventually, the motion sensor lights give up on him and Felix is left to stand in the dark, sweaty practice room. It’s been a bit since that dark, churning guilt of lying and hurting has curdled in his stomach, but it feels just as overwhelming as he remembers. 

Finally, Felix grabs his bag, jacket, and phone and heads three floors up. Just as he’d known, the studio door is closed, but a stripe of light flows at its edges and from behind the curtained window. Felix cautiously opens the door, but Chan doesn’t seem to be actively recording anything. He’s hunched in front of his laptop, the tired lines of his face thrown into stark contrast by the too-bright blue of the screen. 

“Channie-hyung?” Felix says softly. Chan doesn’t hear him, so Felix enters the room completely and taps him.  

Chan jumps and nearly falls out of his chair in a flail of limbs of wires, but Felix steadies him quickly. “Geez, mate, you scared the shit out of me.”

“No swearing,” Felix teases. Chan shoots him a teasing look before he checks his phone. 

“What the hell are you still doing at the company! It’s almost one!” 

“Needed the practice.” 

Chan sighs and sits back, appraising Felix as he switches instinctively to leader mode and, by default, Korean. “Lix, I don’t know what Jung said to you, but if he told you to practice until 1 am, I’m going to talk to him.” 

Felix doesn’t want Chan confronting Jung. If Chan finds out about the meal plan, he’ll go apeshit, and the last thing his hyung needs is more stress. 

“Just lost track of time,” Felix says. “You’re up late too. And hyung, I love you, but you look like you’re the walking dead.” 

“Thanks, Lix, that’s quite the confidence boost,” Chan grumbles. Felix sinks to a crouch and looks up at Chan through his lashes. 

“Come back with me. I’m sure whatever you’re working on will be a lot easier to handle with a good night's rest.” 

“You sound like me,” Chan grumbles again, but when he catches sight of Felix’s face, all the fight saps out of him. “No fair, the puppy dog eyes? Really?”

“Whatever works,” Felix shrugs, tilting his head like a kitten. Chan snorts. “Besides, I promised Jinnie I’d get you to take me back to the dorms.” 

“Well, if Prince Hyunjinnie has decreed it, it must be done.” 

Chan quickly gathers his belongings, calls for a car, and all but collapses into the seat when it arrives. He moves across the bench and pulls Felix into a hug. “You really worried about your dancing? I genuinely barely noticed you mess up.” 

“Doesn’t matter, Jung did. I think me being on for three weeks left a bad taste in his mouth.” Felix says and snuggles against Chan’s chest, his head tucked beneath his chin. “Besides, the next few weeks are gonna be hell, and I want to feel like I did everything possible to be prepared so I don’t let you all down.” 

“You never could,” Chan murmurs. 

“Even if I, like, killed JYP?” 

Chan laughs, sharp and shocked, and then whispers. “I think Binnie and Seungmin might get you flowers if you did that.” 

“By the way,” Felix says. “Do you know what Innie’s schedule is for tomorrow?” 

“Hmm, I think he has vocal lessons in the evening, but that’s it. Why?” 

Felix sighs and tries to exhale the guilt he feels. He can’t have his wings thrashing about right now, not with Chan’s hand rubbing soothing circles at his upper back. “I think he’s feeling conflicted about our relationship, like he’s worried I’m going to … overdo it again. All of my schedules are early in the morning so I’m pretty free in the evening and I wanted to try to get some one-on-one gaming time with him…” 

Chan pulls back, smiling proudly. “Look at you, being a good hyung.” 

“Channie,” Felix whines, hiding his blushing face in his palms. 

“It’s sweet, Sunshine. I can make sure he heads straight back to our dorm at the end of the day. Do you want me to tell him-”

“No,” Felix says. “It should be a surprise.” 

Chan and Felix probably get five hours of sleep, which at this point isn’t out of the ordinary. Still, Felix wishes he’d let Hyunjin drag him home when he’d tried since they’re doing all-out dance rehearsals for the first half of the day. Their concerts are long and dense, with moments to rest far and few between, so they have to ensure that they have the endurance necessary to get through to the best of their abilities. Jeongin doesn’t interact with Felix at all, but none of them interact with each other much at all. They’re too exhausted. 

During a water break, Felix sidles up to where Minho and Hyunjin are standing. 

“What did Jung have to say,” Minho asks him immediately.

“That I need to practice more,” Felix answers honestly. Minho’s eyes narrow and Felix drops his voice. “Hyung, he’s not wrong. If I can’t get it right, management is just going to be breathing down my neck even more than they already are.” 

Minho huffs but can’t find fault in the logic. Felix knows he should tell Minho about the meal plan … but the idea of seeing his hyung in distress makes his wings twitch and cramp. 

“So maybe you’ll head home before midnight then?” Hyunjin asks. Minho gasps and Felix groans. 

“Oh, come on, we’ve all put in late nights to practice before,” Felix groans. “But yes, I’ll be heading home in the evening. I, uh, I’m gonna tell Innie tonight.” 

“Really?” Minho asks. “I thought you’d tell Chan-hyung for sure.” 

The three of them glance over to where Chan is engaged in rapt conversation with Yun and the choreographer, staring at Yun’s tablet and no doubt assessing their public appearances next week. 

“He’s got enough on his plate,” Felix says. “I don’t want to add to it.” 

---

At the grocery store, Felix grabs oreos and peanut butter, just like Jeongin had proposed weeks ago. If Jeongin is worried about Felix ‘overdoing it again’, seeing his hyung stuffing his face full of painfully high calorie foods should help him feel better – even if Jung would have an honest to God conniption if he saw Felix so much as glancing at an Oreo. Felix pushes the thought out of his mind – Jeongin’s well-being is more important than a diet right now; he’ll worry about that after the album is released. For now, he loads his basket with all of their maknae’s favorite snacks and drinks, and even picks up the expensive face masks Jeongin only uses on special occasions. 

Chan had given Felix their dorm key that morning, and Felix wastes no time unloading the groceries and setting up a pallet of the fluffiest blankets he owns. It reminds Felix of the slumber parties he and his sisters used to set up when they were little, of the survival show when the boys needed comfort and found it tangled together in the dorm living room. Jeongin’s love language is rarely physical touch; he prefers spending quality time to show his love. Felix figures that upwards of five uninterrupted hours of time together will be healing for Jeongin, and provide ample time to answer Innie’s questions about his wings. 

The wings in question flutter happily against their bindings, and Felix decides to put them out of their misery. He’s gotten very adept at taking off the intricate bindings, and he lets the elastic material pool to the floor before he folds it neatly and puts it into his bag. He leaves his sweatshirt on and takes several deep, apologetic breaths until his wings relax and lie flat against his back, the longest feathers poking out of his sweatshirt and against his thighs. 

Just as Felix has finished arranging the facemasks on the counter, the door opens. Felix jumps and whirls towards the door just as Jeongin spots him. 

“Lix-hyung?” 

Jeongin looks shocked, but not angry. 

“Hi!” Felix chirps. 

Jeongin kicks off his shoes, puts down his bag, and walks into the living room. He gasps at the ocean of blankets and the fairy lights Felix had strung up, then again at the sight of the snacks and face masks. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I know you’re worried about me not taking care of myself,” Felix says slowly. “I know that it’s not super easy to trust me right now, not when I basically lied for a month about how I was feeling, but I thought that if we could relax together, it might put your mind at ease … and I also miss you? I miss spending time gaming like we used to. We’re not going to have a lot of time to relax soon, so figured -- might as well do it while we can?”

Jeongin just blinks at him, eyes wide but unreadable. Doubt creeps into Felix, his wings deflating against their bindings. 

“But if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. Sorry -- I just thought you might like- oof!” 

Jeongin wraps him in a tight hug, knocking the air out of Felix’s lungs. While his wings are squished, he feels them tingle with joy. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Jeongin whispers into his shoulder. Even though he’s taller than Felix, he’s hugging him like a kid. Felix smiles and pets Jeongin’s hair. 

“But also, I have to show you something.” Jeongin pulls back and Felix continues speaking. “It’s about why I was out for so long.” 

“You had mono, right?” Jeongin says. Felix grimaces and Jeongin barks in laughter. “I knew it! I told Changbin-hyung that mono made no sense!” 

“Blame Minho-hyung and Seungmin,” Felix grumbles. 

“Wait, so if you didn’t have mono, what’s wrong with you?”

Felix’s wings tremble a bit at the insinuation that they’re ‘wrong’, and Felix gently swats at the bundle of them beneath his hoodie. 

“You’re going to freak out, maybe,” Felix says. Jeongin puffs out his chest and Felix is once again reminded that their maknae has long since outgrown his baby face. 

“Hyung, come on, I think I can handle whatever you can throw at me.”

Felix is so charmed by Jeongin’s somewhat-cocky smirk and the proud jut of his gin, so much so that he simply tears off his sweatshirt, flexes his back, and spreads his wings. 

And Jeongin blinks three times, slow measured blinks, tilts his head back, and laughs. 

---

“This is so cliche,” Jeongin says later. “So cliche. Of course you would be an angel.” 

They both have face masks on and Felix’s right wing is draped across Jeongin’s lap. The man in question is gently combing through the feathers the exact same way he likes to play with Felix’s hair. It’s different than the way the others pet his feathers -- Minho, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Seungmin are generally careful with his wings, but Jeongin’s fingers remind Felix of a harpist’s. 

As a result, he’s in bliss, and Jeongin is taking far too much joy in his hyung’s melted posture. 

“You’re such a cat,” Jeongin adds with a snort. 

“Shuddup,” Felix slurs. 

“You sound drunk.” 

“S’better than soju.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Jeongin smooths out the feathers one last time before he rises to grab himself a can of soda. “I still have to kick your ass in Mario Kart, and if you’re too zonked out to play, the victory won’t taste as sweet.” 

Felix would like to respond with a sassy come back, but he’s far too ‘zonked’ to respond. 

Instead, he nibbles on the oreo Jeongin shoves in his face until the tingly sensation running through his body dissipates. Finally, he sits up. “You know, you were cuter when you weren’t so cut throat.” 

“I learned from the best,” Jeongin shrugs. “Minho-hyung and Seungminnie.” 

And then Jeongin flops himself into Felix’s body, snuggling up under the warm curve of his wing and pressing his head against his stomach. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” 

“You shouldn’t be,” Felix says. “Your fears made sense.”

“Still,” Jeongin shrugs. “You never yell at anyone-”

“Except for asshold MCs-” Felix cuts him off. 

“-Except for asshole MCs,” Jeongin nods against his tummy. “But you never yell at us. Yelling at you felt … weird.” 

Felix sighs heavily, watching Jeongin’s head rise and fall with the movement. “I’m not as fragile as everyone thinks. I get angry too. I get sad, and annoyed, and frustrated, just like everyone else. I’m human, after all.” 

“I mean, technically you’re an angel,” Jeongin chuckles. “But I guess you’re right … so, I should yell at you more often?” 

“I didn’t say that!” Felix laughs. “Just … if you’re mad at me, tell me. I’d rather you let me know instead of hiding it just to spare my feelings.” 

Jeongin turns his head and looks up at Felix. Whatever he’s searching form, he seems to find. “I believe you.” 

And then he’s sitting up, eyes gleaming and narrowed and every bit as foxlike as the thousand of fancams capture. “So, when can I see you fly?” 

“Sungie asked me the same thing,” Felix rolls his eyes. “Soon, maybe? I’m supposed to be exercising my wings but we’ve been so busy. I don’t even know if I’d be able to get into the air.” 

“Hyung, if angel hunters end up chasing you, it probably would be smart to be able to fly away,” Jeongin says carefully. Felix’s back cramps, and Jeongin gasps at the wing’s involuntary movement. 

“I’ll have to get stronger first. Like, a lot stronger. Even that – that little bit of movement – feels exhausting.” 

“Ooh, what kind of exercises?” Jeongin probes, eyes the wings keenly. The youngest has become dedicated to working out, proudly flushing his muscles whenever he can. 

“I guess, like, wing curls? But with resistance bands, to build up the muscle. I’ve tried to do it in my room, but I just have too much shit, and I can’t lay down the right way on our living room couch. Obviously going to an actual gym is out of the question-”

“Just use Changbin-hyung’s home gym?” Jeongin interrupts. Felix blinks at him before he groans. One of the first things Changbin did upon moving into his and Hyunjin’s dorm was to buy a weight lifting bench and treadmill. Hyunjin tried to complain, but Changbin immediately pointed out that Hyunjin had essentially set up half of their living room as an art studio, and Hyunjin had rolled his eyes but let the issue go nonetheless. 

Now, Felix feels stupid. Sure, it’s not like he’s been flush with time, but Changbin and Hyunjin’s dorm is close enough that he could have certainly squeezed in at least a few reps while Changbin was holed up with the rest of 3racha. 

“I should have thought of that soon,” he groans. “Between all of the interviews and rehearsals, my wings have been seriously hurting. I don’t think they like being wrapped up for so long.” 

“You shouldn’t have to,” Innie grins, petting his wings once again. “Wings these pretty should never be hidden.” The feathers seem to perk up in delight and Innie snorts. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m gonna fly, though,” Felix says. “That’s kind of a lot. 

“You should do it, hyung,” Innie says. “If these angel hunters exist … well, let’s just say that I like the idea of you being able to get away fast, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Felix nods. “Of course. Aw, my sweet little protective maknae!”

“Ugh, not you too!” Jeongin groans, hiding his face behind his hands. “Hyung, it was so terrible when you were gone. Chan-hyung wouldn’t stop hugging me, and Jisung-hyung wouldn’t stop trying to kiss me, and I’m pretty sure that Changbin-hyung just started pretending I was you.” 

Felix grins and leans forward to pinch Jeongin’s dimpled cheeks. “Aw, you went through so much, my little baaaaby-” 

“That’s it, I’m kicking your ass now,” Jeongin shoves Felix away, but his cheeks are burning pink. “Let’s see if your wings help you avoid red shells and bananas.” 

---

By the end of his night with Jeongin, Felix is feeling rosy and soft; he debates on asking Innie if he can sleep over, curl around him and get a night full of cuddles, but he knows the youngest isn’t big on midnight snuggles, and Felix is essentially an octopus when it comes to sleepovers. 

He texts Jisung once he’s back in his own dorm and confirms that Changbin will be in the studio with him and Chan the majority of the next morning. Hyunjin has a photoshoot, and Minho decides to cancel their danceracha practice, and since he doesn’t have anything to do until the album release party, Felix figures he can spend a good chunk of time working out before he gets ready. Before heading for the company, Jisung surreptitiously drops a key off at the Seunglix dorm, so bright and early, Felix puts on a loose tank top with slits for his wings and an oversized hoodie, grabs the resistance bands Wooyoung had gifted him, and slinks into Hyunjin and Changbin’s empty apartment. 

Changbin has a decent set up, but Felix really just needs the bench and space. He strips off his hoodie and lays face down on the bench. After speaking with Jeongin, he’d wondered how he’d go about working out his wings, but had settled on his usual exercise routine: push until the pain became unbearable. 

After he puts on a pump up playlist and settles himself on the bench, he starts with the obvious: wings out, wings in; again and again until sweat starts beading down his spine. Then he started alternating and pulsing the wings; there’s no tried-and-true list of ways to strengthen angel wings, but Felix figures that the exercises he’s always done in dance conditioning and the gym should suffice. 

Except maybe – just maybe – Felix has never been good at in betweens. If he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it all out, no-holds-barred, pain and sweat be damned. So he pushes past the ache in his back, pushes until that ache becomes a burn, and keeps pushing and pushing. Soon enough, he’s drenched in sweat, wings trembling and back straining. 

His pump-up music stops, the high energy beat of Fergalicious replaced with the smooth sounds of Cover Me. Felix reaches a shaking hand out to answer Hyunjin’s call, exhaling in relief and grateful for a break. 

“Hi, Jinnie!” Felix pants.

“Hi, Lix,” Hyunjin says. “Just a heads up, Changbin-hyung told me he’s heading back dorms – apparently 3racha finished early for once, and Sungie said his phone died but to tell you-” 

“Oh no,” Felix gasps. “Uh, okay, I’ve gotta go, Hyune! Thanks for letting me know!” 

“Huh? Are you-” 

Felix hangs up before Hyunjin finishes. The resistance band is still taut around his wings, and as he reaches, he groans. It’s as if his momentary break to speak with Hyunjin has allows pain to settle into the still-forming muscles. Still, he twists his arm back towards the resistant band, wraps his fingers around it, and forces his wing to contract–

His right wing, half-extended, half not, cramps, and a terrible pain shoots through the bend of the wing and coils at the center of the back.

“Shit!” Felix yells. His right wing twists in pain, but the cramp continues to lock it in it’s awkward bend. His left wing twitches and flaps, as if trying to compensate from its twin’s paralysis. “Shit, stop that!” 

Each flap and movement of his left wing only exacerbates the excruciating pain in the right. Felix tries to push himself up, but the agony flares down his entire spine in doing so, adding lower back pain to the situation. 

Tears build in his eyes and pour down his cheeks, onto the pleather of the workout bench. Felix tries again to move his wing, and the pain elicits a scream from him.

---

Changbin has the key in the door when he hears the scream. On one hand, he should be concerned – Hyunjin is very much at the company, so a voice from within his apartment should raise at least a little hesitancy. 

Except he knows that scream; while he’s used to hearing it end in a squeal or a giggle, startled by a prank from Seungmin or gleefully swept up in a surprise hug from Chan, he still recognizes the pitch of it. 

He also recognizes the outright agony in the sound. 

Changbin bursts into the apartment and instinctively runs to Hyunjin’s room, but the door is open and the room is empty. “Lixie?” He calls. 

“Hyung? Hyung, help!” 

Fuck, Felix sounds purely and truly terrified; Changbin doesn’t waste a second chucking his belongs on the ground, expensive laptop be damned, and sprinting to the living room. 

The first thing he sees is a massive swath of pure, glowing white; the second thing he sees is Felix's face, twisted in pain, shimmering with tears. 

Changbin blinks, but the image doesn’t clear. Surely he’s imagining the sight before him, but no … Felix lays prone on his workout bench, his body tense and shaking, the muscles in his back taut; and from the center of his shoulder blades are two beautiful, feathered wings. 

Except, the left one is flapping and shivering, and the right one seems … Well, Changbin doesn’t have a lot of experience with angel wings, but he’s pretty sure a wing shouldn’t twist like that. 

“Hyung, please!” 

Felix turns his head, eyes huge and scared, lower lip trembling as tears pour down his too-red cheeks. 

Changbin snaps into action. He’s at Felix’s side in an instant. 

“What’s happening?” 

Felix is breathing too quickly, and each inhale pinches his face with pain. Changbin shushes him quietly. “Breathe, Yongbok-ah, do you have a cramp?”

Felix nods with a small whimper. “M-my right w-wing…” 

Changbin glances at the appendage. This close, he can see the pristine lines of each individual feather, the overlapping layers from tip to bend. He can also see the way that the bend of the wing seems to tremble and twitch, like a calf cramp. 

Changbin takes a deep breath. He’s helped out so many of the members with muscle cramps, always offering to help them with workouts. It might be a wing, but it’s still a body part … right?

“I think we need to stretch the wing out,” Changbin says. “If I pull your wing, will I hurt it?” 

Felix blinks away the tears, but they’re clearly coming too fast. “No, they’re strong,” he whimpers. 

“Okay, it’s gonna hurt, but it’ll feel so much better once we’re done, okay?” 

Changbin rests a hand on the width of Felix’s wing. The feathers are incredibly soft, not like fleece but like silk, like a material undiscovered yet. Changbin imagines they feel the way sunrays would feel. As soon as his hand touches the feathers, he feels the whole wing tremble. He nearly pulls his hand away, an apology fresh on his lips, but then he watches some of the tension leave Felix’s face, and instead he gives the feathers a tentative pet. 

Felix exhales; it’s almost imperceptible but it’s there. 

“I promise I’m going to help you,” Changbin says, as much to Felix as to the wing itself. He swears that the wing relaxes just a bit. He gently places a hand at the base of Felix’s wing – the muscle there is objectively thin, but he can feel a sturdiness nonetheless, less like the hearty muscle of a thigh and more like the flexible strength of a joint. He raises his other hand to the peak of the wing’s bend. “Here we go.” 

He presses experimentally at the bend of the wing, pushing it down, while he massages at the wing’s joint. “Can you focus on relaxing the wing? Don’t focus on stretching it out, just focus on releasing the tension.” 

Felix’s face is pinched with pain again, but that’s to be expected. Stretching out a cramp is never fun. Still, Changbin feels some of the tautness ease out of the wing. “Good job, pretty, you’re doing amazing.” 

Normally, Felix turns the most delightful shade of pink when the members call him pretty. Changbin hopes it at least a little bit distracts him from the pain as he releases his hold on the wing joint and moves to grab the very tip of the wing. It’s a bit of a struggle to find – the feathers at the very bottom of the wing are long – but eventually he wraps a gentle hand around the thin bone. 

“Almost done, Bok-ah,” Changbin promises. 

Then, he pulls. Gently, but firmly. Felix hisses a breath through his teeth, eyes shut tight and breaths quick, and Changbin whispers meaningless coos of affirmation and he pulls and pulls. Slowly but surely, the wing stretches, and just when Felix’s whimpers turn into strained yelps, the tension vanishes, and both wings snap straight out, nearly knocking Changbin over. 

It’s that moment, the moment the crisis is over, when reality hits, when he realized that he’s staring at wings – literally wings, what the fuck? – extending from Felix’s back. 

Felix lets out a shuddering sort of sob and his body goes slack, slipping off of the bench and onto the thick carpet. Changbin wastes no time lifting him from the floor and half guiding, half dragging him to the couch, and Felix all but melts into it. Changbin starts to sit up, ready to get Felix a glass of water and maybe slap himself in the face on the off chance that this has been a very elaborate, very real dream, when that right wing whips out, curls around Changbin, and pulls him onto the couch alongside Felix. 

“Oh,” Changbin gasps in surprise. He instinctively wraps his arms around Felix’s body, pulling the younger partially on top of him, and the wing wraps itself around Felix as well. Changbin might be going well and truly crazy, but he can’t fight the small smile. “You’re welcome.” 

He swears the wing tightens. 

“Hyung,” Felix whines. “I’m so sorry -- I wanted to tell you properly --” 

“Tell me you have wings?” 

Felix groans in residual pain as he lifts his head up to look Changbin in the eyes. “I’m actually an angel.” 

Changbin says. “Huh.” 

Felix looks at him, eyes huge and anxious. Changbin hadn’t been able to shake Felix’s expression when he’d been outside Hyunjin’s bedroom right before his suspension. The younger had looked so small, so fragile – both in stature and in spirit. It had been like watching a dying star, a dimming of something once so bright that every reduction in light was painfully evident. Now, though, even in his exhaustion and apparent nervousness, Felix is practically glowing. Changbin had thought it was makeup, for the last few days, making his Yongbokkie look so healthy, so warm, so full of life, but now he sees that it’s just Felix … just Felix’s own sparkly eyes, rosy cheeks, constellation freckles, hopeful expression. 

“An angel? Like, from heaven?” 

Felix’s mouth purses. “I mean, I guess so? Maybe not in a Jesus-y way, not according to what W-my friend who told me.” 

“Huh,” Changbin repeats. He lays his head down and tugs Felix closer to him. Once again, the wing returns the gesture. “Your wings are very sweet, just like you.” 

Changbin is absolutely delighted to see that Felix’s blush correlates perfectly with a delighted ruffle of his feathers. 

“Alright, tell me the whole story, and then we’ll watch a movie. I think we have plenty of time before the party tonight to get through at least one and a half Ghibli films.” 

Changbin watches in pure adoration as a smile blooms across Felix’s face like a sunflower opening to the dawn. Felix rolls slightly on his side, though his wing remains tight around Changbin’s body, and “Well, it all started about a month ago …” 

And Changbin finds that he has to ask Felix to repeat himself several times throughout the long, barely believable tale; who could blame him  – Felix just keeps smiling in Changbin’s direction, and Changbin’s only human, after all. 

 

 

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed it!!!! I am out of town again next weekend so it might take me until next week to upload the next chapter, but after that things calm down and I’ll be able to get back to my biweekly upload schedule. Love you all mean it byyyeeeee

Chapter 10: it’s a long way down, a cliff hanger

Summary:

Felix has big feelings, new enemies make themselves known, and Hyunjin … well, it’s totally normal to feel like you’re staring into the sun when your best friend smiles at you, right?

Notes:

I’m so glad I was able to update before my long weekend kicked off! And wow, chapter 10! Things are starting to get real so buckle up for another long-ass chapter (remember when chapter 1 was 6k words and I thought it was too long? Me neither)

Hoping to update by Tuesday but realistically it’ll be next Thursday!

Changbin and Felix exist in a wonderful, feathery puddle all the way through Kiki’s Delivery Service and at least halfway through Castle in the Sky before the front door opens and Hyunjin enters the living room. His jaw drops and his bag slips off of his shoulder with a thud. 

“You told him!” he says. Then his eyes narrow. “And you cuddled without me?” 

“His wings made me do it,” Changbin says lazily. 

“I got a cramp,” Felix murmurs, voice muffled from where his face is smushed against Changbin’s chest. “Ugh, I should shower before the party, I bet I reek.” 

“Only mildly.” 

Felix flicks Changbin on the side of the head with very little effort to actually hurt him and sighs. “I’ll go get ready-”

“Get ready here!” Hyunjin insists. “We can pregame a little.” 

Felix grins. A little longer with his wings free sounds pretty damn good. 

---

It’s not a big party by any means – Stray Kids and all of the staff are, frankly, too busy to put in the effort – but one of the rehearsal stages at JYPE serves just fine as a party venue; some staff hung up fairy lights and brightly-colored streamers, and a catering service is just loading the final platters of food next to a table full of soda, beer, and wine. On the bright side, their party is not being recorded in any way, so all the Kids roll up bare faced and in casual clothes. Felix had opted for a pair of soft denim jeans, cuffed at the ankle, and a fuzzy cream sweater that allows him to keep the elastic wrapped looser than normal. Felix winces and rolls his shoulder as he enters. Getting his poor, aching wings back into their bandages after the cramping that morning was painful and required Hyunjin, Changbin, and eventually Minho’s help.

“Where’s Chan-hyung?” Felix asks Changbin. 

“Probably in another meeting,” Changbin sighs. “He’s been getting dragged left and right. At this point I’m surprised his arms haven’t been ripped out of their sockets.” 

Felix’s wings seem to twitch to life at that, and Felix frowns. It’s no secret that Chan works too much, in stretches of time that start far too early and end even later. He can’t help but feel guilty that the other Kids have had a comparatively lighter day since their interviews, but that Chan hasn’t been able to enjoy it. 

“Wine?” Minho asks Felix, and he starts to nod before Jung walks in. He scans each of the members and Felix swallows dryly. 

“Just water for now,” he says. 

“Damn, that smells amazing,” Changbin is eyeing the catering platters eagerly. Hyunjin nods in agreement. 

“Do you think we have to wait for the party to start before we eat?” 

Felix glances at Jung who’s now whispering to the staff surreptitiously, eyes still following the members movements. “Probably.” 

A moment later, Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin roll in, wordlessly joining them. It’s a little awkward without music playing or any staff yet in a celebratory spirit, still too focused on getting ready. 

“Well I’m at least getting a beer,” Changbin huffs. Felix wanders with them towards the drinks table, but doesn’t dare take anything yet, not while Jung is still laser focused on him. 

“You okay?” Hyunjin nudges him. Felix jumps. “You keep staring at Jung. He … did he say something more than just to practice the dancing?” 

Hyunjin’s eyes are serious, voice quiet. You’re … allowed to not want to say what’s going on, but I’d rather you not lie to about it.

“No,” Felix says, dropping his head. “I, um …” 

His gaze drifts towards the food and Hyunjin gasps. Felix shushes him and Hyunjin shuffles them so they’re facing away from Jung. “Please tell me he didn’t tell you to diet.” 

Felix squeezes his eyes shut, grateful for his lack of makeup – if tears well in his eyes, at least there’s no eyeliner or shadow to be smudged. “JYPE got the meal plan from the doctor. I knew they wouldn’t be okay with it, but my weight was five kilos higher because of my … you know. And then when I had to lie about not fitting in the tank top? Well, he mentioned weigh-ins…” 

Felix shrugs, but he knows that his tears are probably sparkling in the fairy lights, so his nonchalance means ultimately nothing. Hyunjin’s mouth is a firm, grim line. “You need to tell Chan-hyung. Felix, you can’t afford to lose five kilos and still function, let alone dance.”

Felix’s glances back towards Jung. “He asked about my back, too. If Chan pushes back, if management gets suspicious…” 

Felix doesn’t need to finish his statement. Instead he shakes his head a little and straightens up. “I guess I’ll just have to play dieting idol whenever I’m in front of him and pray that I don’t get called in for any more weigh-ins, right? I don’t want to bring the vibe down-” 

“You didn’t, he did,” Hyunjin practically growls. “What a piece of-” 

“Sorry I’m late!” 

Chan bursts into the room with his backpack half on his shoulder, shirt untucked, and hair so messy it’s almost curly. Seungmin snorts, then winces when Minho elbows him in the side. Felix’s wings twitch, and he steps forward to take Chan’s arm. 

“You’re not late at all, we all just got here,” Felix assures him, taking his bag and stowing it in the corner. He smooths out the errant curls with his hands, then the flipped collar of Chan’s shirt. “Go grab a drink.” 

Chan’s breaths slow – clearly, he’d run here, and then the tight, Chan-the-leader smile melts into something softer. “You’re such an Angel, Lix.” 

Changbin snorts, but Felix ignores him. 

Moments later, someone queues up music – like always, it’s early Stray Kids, equal parts silly nostalgia and pride – and staff members start pouring into the room. Their choreographer, their day-to-day managers, staff and stylines and photographers, even their bodyguards come to congratulate them and mingle. Everyone knows each other at this point, and not in the way Jung or Yun or the higher up managers do, the ones who see dollar signs instead of people. 

Eventually, everyone starts to grab food. Jung joins Felix in the line, and he swears it’s a threat, so he picks his meal very carefully: vegetables, a spiced fish that actually looks quite delicious, and a small bowl of broth. He wants the rice, but Jung straight up nudges him away from it. Hyunjin catches the movement with a gaze like a knife. 

Just as Felix is grabbing silverware, Hyunjin appears with two glasses of champagne and a smile that would be charming if it weren’t for the glint in his eyes. He presses a glass into Felix’s open hand, and one into Jung’s.

“Oh, thank you, Hyunjin,” Jung says, but his eyes are locked on Felix. 

“Yongbok-ah, you have to celebrate with us. Right, Jung-ssi?” 

Jung frowns. Felix makes a show of looking torn. “I suppose it is cause for celebration…” 

A moment later, Yun calls Jung away and Felix breaks down into giggles he desperately tries to keep quiet. Hyunjin gives him a knowing smirk, and Felix feels his stomach flip. 

“Finish your sad dinner and then we can actually start to party.” 

The champagne keeps flowing, and Felix starts to feel like it’s a little game – hiding his champagne from an increasingly-busy Jung; the growing tipsiness probably helps. Soon enough, the music is turned up, and the lights are switched from glowy orange to a dreamy magenta. Jisung pulls him onto the dancefloor and they end up dancing less than they spin in a tight, giggling clasp of hands around arms. Minho and Hyunjin join soon after and it takes very little convincing for the three to do a somewhat-stumbling, definitely-laughing rendition of Taste. Once Chan loosens up, he drapes himself across Felix’s back for a solid three minutes, dimpled-smiled as he mindlessly hums in harmony to the music, then tightens his hug when the album goes live: they stand in a clump, eyes wide and shining when it hits midnight, and the cheers throughout the room do nothing to quell the intimacy between the eight of them as they smile proudly at each other. 

The party drags on as the album is blasted and more champagne is popped. Seungmin and Innie drag Felix into their ploy of dropping ice cubes down Minho’s shirt, only to shove Felix forward when Minho tries to retaliate (‘You can’t hurt him, hyung, he’s an angel’, Innie grins, and Minho doesn’t do anything but wrap Felix in a hug and hiss at the two youngest like a cat). 

Just as the party is starting to wrap, Yun quiets the room with a democratic grin. 

“It’s been a wonderful few years, with many more to come. As all of us, the Kids especially, get ready for a busy few months, we thought it would be only fair to give you all an actual bit of time off.”

Felix feels his heart lift his hope. He and Jisung cling to each other, excitement and energy contagious. 

“In light of that, we’ve arranged for all of you to stay in a rental property at Jeju island – no cameras, no managers, just you and nature.” 

The effect is immediate. Felix pulls Jisung into a screaming hug, which quickly turns into an eight-person mass of screaming and laughing. They’re in high spirits as the party quickly dissipates, and Changbin piggybacks Felix all the way back to the dorms, then keeps his arm slinged around his waist as they all pour into Chan and Jeongin’s dorm. 

Out of sight of Jung, Felix eagerly accepts the glass of wine Hyunjin pours for him. The tipsiness and contagious giddiness of the night is doing dangerous things to Felix’s heart and his inhibitions. 

Because the second they’re inside, Hyunjin strips off his button down; he’s in that damn tank top, the black one, and the excitement and dancing has made him sweaty in the way a Greek god would be sweaty. Felix leans against the wall, eyes prisoner to the image, wings hot against his back. 

It would be easier if Hyunjin wasn’t his best friend; easier if his presence wasn’t like an instant Xanax, an immediate stopper of any worry, any sadness. Sometimes Felix imagines a world where he and Hyunjin were never idols, where Felix decides to move to Seoul for University, and he and Hyunjin meet in a shared class, or at a cafe, or a community dance class, or a bar; and maybe, Felix is tipsy the way he his now, but braver, daring enough to slink across the classroom or the dance room or the sticky bar to blink shiny doe eyes through his lashes, to make a move–

“Do you like Changbin?” Hyunjin asks.

Felix yelps. His daydream must have gotten a bit too real, because he didn’t notice Hyunjin making his way across the living room. 

“Huh?” Felix asks. Hyunjin rests his arm against the wall and leans slightly, towering over Felix with a dark, serious gaze, but a smile dancing on his lips. 

“I asked if you like Changbin?” 

“Of course! Why, does he think I’m mad at him?” Felix panics. Hyunjin snorts. 

“No, I mean do you like him as more than friends? Romantically?” 

This time, Felix snorts. 

“Uh, no? Jinnie, what are you talking about-” 

“You’re just so cuddly with him, and he’s always calling you pretty and talking about Changlix superiority,” Hyunjin says casually. “And you had a crush on him before we debuted, right?” 

Felix exhales slowly. His head was already spinning from the champagne, but now he feels like he’s stepped into an alternate dimension. “I mean, yeah, I did, but it was just a little crush – I had crushes on tons of people when I was a trainee!” 

Hyunjin smiles and raises a brow. “Tons? Wow, Bbokie, what a player!” 

“Shut up!” Felix groans. “It’s not like I got to do anything about those crushes. Besides, I was such a nervous dork back then, I’m sure no one looked at me twice.” 

Hyunjin chuckles again and his eyes fall to his beer. “Well, I bet lots of people did. I bet Changbinnie-hyung did too.” 

Felix lets the sentiment sink into his stomach as he studies Hyunjin’s posture. It’s a casual stance, verging on too casual. “Wait,” he says slowly, his chest tightening. “Do you like Changbin?” 

Hyunjin looks baffled at the question. “No, why?” 

“I thought maybe you were asking because you wanted to make sure I didn’t like him!” Felix explains, trying to hold back a sigh of selfish relief. The conversations reminds him very much of being in middle school. “It would … if you did like him, that would be, uh, fine – great even! I mean, you guys already live together …” 

Felix trails off, tapping his finger anxiously against the side of his wine glass. Hyunjin is staring at him with a keen intensity that maybe Felix would be able to read if he wasn’t halfway to tipsy. 

“Felix, I don’t like Changbin,” Hyunjin says finally. “I-”

“Good!” Felix cuts him off. “I mean – not good! Like, fine! You’re allowed to like whoever you like,” Shit, Felix should not be having this conversation right now. His eyes dart around the room, but the only eye he catches in Seungmin's, and his traitor of a roommate just mimes a kissy face in his direction. Felix clears his throat and takes a rushed sip of wine, which he proceeds to spill slightly down his chin. 

Hyunjin smirks and leans forward, almost caging Felix in, and his hand raises to Felix’s cheek and oh my God, is he leaning in- 

“Messy,” Hyunjin chuckles, his thumb wiping away the bead of red wine at Felix’s chin. Felix feels himself blush red. “God, you’re kind of drunk aren’t you?” 

“Maybe,” Felix whispers, while his brain spins. 

Hyunjin doesn’t like Changbin-

But that doesn’t mean he likes Felix. He cuddles with Felix constantly, seeks him out, but he does that with the others too, right? He’s protective over Felix, but so is Chan, and Chan doesn’t see him in a romantic light. 

Oh God, what if Hyunjin likes Chan? They’re the ones who make sultry videos together, both dominant forces of nature, captivating, and in comparison, Felix is sensitive, whiny at times, needy and clingy and –

“Lixie!” Chan appears at his side. “You okay, mate? You zoned out for a minute there.” 

Felix blinks back to life. Hyunjin is still standing next to him, but has been intercepted by Jeongin in conversation. Chan watches the younger with pursed lips. 

“Come on, let’s get a glass of water and sit on the balcony for some fresh air.” 

Fresh air – that’s a good idea. Fresh air and a clear head and Hyunjin’s lips far, far away from his own. As Chan goes to the kitchen to get them water, Hyunjin and Innie lean in. 

“You should tell him,” Jeongin says. “He’s the only one who doesn’t know, right?” 

“Yeah,” Felix agrees. “I didn’t want to burden him with everything, but I feel bad. I didn’t mean to leave him out, but what if his feelings are hurt?” 

Hyunjin coos. “Tell him now, then. And tell why you waited to tell him. Bbokie, just be honest.” 

Felix startles when Chan returns and presses a large glass of water into his hand, then follows him onto the small balcony. The heads of every member follows the movement until the door is shut behind them. The silence is calming, and Felix collapses into one of the plastic lawn chairs with an exaggerated groan.

“Sorry to kidnap you, you just looked really red,” Chan explains. Felix’s nose crinkles in embarrassment. 

“It’s been a long day,” Felix says in lieu of explanation. “You didn’t need to rescue me, though. I hope I didn’t pull you out of a conversation.” 

Chan leans back in his chair and tilts his head towards the sky. If it were a clearer night – if they weren’t in the middle of a massive city – Felix likes to imagine that Chan would point out all the constellations in the sky. 

“What are you and Hyunjin talking about?” Chan asks. 

“Just now?” Felix balks, mind already racing for an excuse. 

“No, when I walked in at the party. It looked serious. I thought things were good between you again?” 

Felix notices that Chan looks not just tired, but a bit frayed. He scooches closer. “They are, Chan, I promise. We were just talking about … expectations.” 

Chan’s worry doesn’t go away, not in the slightest. “Expectations?” 

Felix weighs his options. He has to be honest about the wings first – otherwise, Chan might go nuclear and call Jung and Yun right here, right now. He needs Chan to understand the very delicate balance Felix simply has to maintain. 

Except before he can speak, before he can consider whether he’ll start the story at the beginning like he did with Hyunjin or just strip off his sweatshirt like he’d done with Jisung, there’s a sniffle. Then a choked, raspy sob.

Chan’s face crumbles in the moonlight. 

“Channie-hyung?” Felix gasps. “What’s wrong?” 

“I - I just hate that I can’t protect you from all the fucked up things that happen in this industry,” Chan sobs. He runs his hand roughly across his eyes – too roughly, in Felix’s opinion. “It’s like no matter what I do, no matter how many meetings I go to, some horrible staff member or MC or fan or blog is tearing you all down in the process. And I can’t … it’s like I just need to…” 

Chan stares at his hands, flexed and open, and then dissolves into tears. Felix wordlessly drops himself into Chan’s lap and wraps his arms around Chan’s neck, one hand rubbing circles on his upper back and the other softly stroking his hair. 

“How long have you been feeling like this?” Felix whispers. Chan sniffles. 

“Since … since about a month ago.” 

Since before Felix got weird, Felix thinks to himself. 

“Have you talked to anyone else?” 

“I’m your leader,” Chan says, pulling away and resting his hands on Felix’s shoulders. “I knew what I signed up for, the best job in the world, but a part of that means protecting you all without worrying you.” 

“Pretty sure that phrasing doesn’t exist in your contract, mate,” Felix says. “Channie, you can’t control everything, you know? And you can’t take care of everyone around you and still take care of yourself. We love you, and a part of that is wanting to help you – not because you’re not a leader, but because you’re the best leader.” 

Chan’s crying dissipates into teary sniffles as he stares at Felix. 

“You can’t go through life trying to control every outcome and still call it living, you know?” Felix says. 

Chan chuckles wetly. “This speech sounds familiar.”

“Yeah, some idiot from Sydney told me something similar about a month ago,” Felix laughs in realization. “Wow, sorry, I guess that was a bit of a hypocritical speech.” 

“Or maybe I was a bit of a hypocrite when I told you to not worry about other people so much,” Chan shrugs. He shifts and Felix moves back to his own chair, but he keeps their knees touching. Chan rubs at his eyes again to get the last of the tears away. “Sorry about that. I just … it’s been a really rough comeback. I feel like I always need to be at eight places at once, and as soon as I get anywhere, I have to leave again. I miss when I had more time to take care of you all, see that you were doing okay with my own eyes.” 

“You don’t have to apologize for feeling upset. You can always just … talk to me? Or not talk to me, I can just sit with you and we can be weird and sad and stressed together.” 

Chan sniffles and knocks their knees together. 

“And hey, at least we get this break, right?” Felix nudges him. “And then in just a month we’re gonna be touring, together twenty-four seven. We’ll be sick of each other.” 

“Doubt it, for you,” Chan says. “Little leach.” 

“You love it!” Felix launches himself at Chan. Chan just laughs fondly and wraps him into a hug, where they sit, silent for what feels like hours. 

“We should head back in, I think you’re shivering.” 

“Hmmph,” Felix grunts, eyes closed and sleepy. Still, he allows Chan to pull him upright. 

When they reenter, he quickly shakes his head at the others. Their expressions shift from hopeful to confused, but they don’t bring it up, and Felix is too sleepy to explain. Instead, he wraps himself like an octopus around Seungmin, brushes his teeth still clinging to his roommate, and passes out face first on his bed. 

---

The next day is blessedly lazy, save Felix’s mild hanxiety. God, he was so transparent last night, leaning so close to Hyunjin at the dorm. He forces Seungmin into hanging out with him to keep his mind occupied. As it stands, they have things to do: namely, cleaning their apartment and packing for their vacation. Seungmin is amenable for the most part, lets Felix sit on his bed while he packs a duffel bag, and sits on Felix’s bed while Felix overpacks a full suitcase. He makes it halfway through the first Lord of the Rings movie before he admits defeat, saying that he loves Felix, but he needs to get out of their apartment. Felix is just grateful Seungmin hung out with him for so long, and decides to take a nap instead of mentally hyper fixating on Hyunjin’s mole. 

When he wakes from his nap, it’s not to the seven pm alarm he set. Someone is banging at the door, and Felix falls out of his bed in his haste to get up. A cursory glance at his alarm clock shows him that it’s nearly six-thirty. Still, with the insistence of the knocks, someone better be dead. 

Oh God, that wakes Felix up. What if someone’s dead? 

He tears open the door, still in a loose tank top and his boxers, imagining the worst and then some –

Only to find a grinning Jisung and Jeongin. 

Well, they’re grinning when he opens the door. Then both of their smiles morph into shock. 

“Lix, your wings!” Jisung gasps, shoving him inside. 

“You can’t just open the door for anyone like that!” Jeongin adds. Felix squints against the bright light but turns his head to see his wings hanging openly at his sides, the feathers still slightly crumpled from sleep. 

“Oh, right,” he grunts, voice deep and raspy. “Wait, I blame you guys. Why are you banging on my door on a day off?” 

Jisung glances at Jeongin with an obvious ahem and Jeongin steps forward, clearly the mouthpiece of whatever plan they’ve concocted. Sure enough, he goes full maknae, smile wide and eyes crinkly. “Hyung, Jisung-hyung and I were talking about what to do today, and we had an idea that we thought you might be interested in.” 

“Hold on, I need coffee for this,” Felix grumbles as he trudges towards the kitchen. 

“You don’t drink coffee,” Jisung points out. Felix grabs an energy drink from the fridge. “I guess that’s close enough?” 

Felix collapses onto the couch and Jisung and Jeongin quickly sandwich him on either side. 

“Your wings are so pretty, Lixie,” Jisung says simperingly. The feathers fluff out a bit and Jeongin chuckled, running his hands over the feathers nearest to him. 

“Thank you, Ji,” Felix says. “What’s your angle?” 

Jisung and Jeongin exchange once last meaningful glance before Jeongin, hands still playing in the feathers, grins hopefully. 

“How would you feel about trying to fly?” 

Felix is still half asleep, but his wings suddenly spread out wide and joyful, and the pain that had simmered in the joints so ripely the day before feels absent, replaced by a renewed sense of strength. 

“Oh, come on,” Felix chides them. 

Jisung and Jeongin just grin. “Let’s get you dressed.” 

“Where are we supposed to practice flying?” Felix asks. He does a hasty wrap, continuously calming his excited wings. Even the word along – flying – sends them flapping, which nearly knocks Felix off balance. Jisung quickly joins him to wrap the wings enough that they can pull a sweater over his head. 

“We need somewhere tall,” Jeongin thinks. 

“If I manage to even get off the ground,” Felix adds. Jeongin shrugs. 

“Yeah, sure, but if you do, you don’t want to go concsussing yourself on the ceiling.” 

“Somewhere private, too,” Jisung says. “Nowhere like the company, nowhere with cameras.” 

Maybe it’s the energy drink finally kicking in. Maybe it’s just the memories of the party finally worming their way into his head.

“Do you know what Hyunjin’s up to right now?” 

“I think he’s doing art stuff,” Jisung shrugs. Felix, hesitant as he is about flying, grins, grabs his phone, and makes a call. 

---

The Artist’s loft is, as Hyunjin said, completely empty, as it has been the other two times Felix has stepped foot inside. The difference, immediately apparent, though, is the difference in noise with Jisung and Jeongin by his side. 

“Aish, you’re so loud, Hannie!” Hyunjin calls as he makes his way down the spiral staircase. 

“Why doesn’t anyone know about this place?” Jisung whines instead, head on a pivot as he stares up at the sky light. “Well, besides Lix.” 

“Because Lix is the only one who knows how to use an inside voice,” Hyunjin snorts, slinging an arm around Felix’s shoulders as he joins them. 

A part of Felix wants to take that sentence and shape it into something more precious than Hyunjin means. This place, just for Hyunjin and Felix, no one else. 

“So, we’re … flying?” Hyunjin asks with a questioning glance at Felix. He nods. 

“We need somewhere with high ceilings but that no one knows about, somewhere out of the way. I could only think of here.” 

He doesn’t mention that he wanted somewhere safe, and that his version of safety is anywhere that Hyunjin feels the most himself. 

“Well, I’m done painting for the day, so might as well make use of the space,” Hyunjin says with a grin.

“Oh, can I see it?” Felix asks eagerly. Hyunjin’s face, surprisingly, goes a bit pink. 

“Uh, no, it’s not ready,” he mumbles. 

“Artists, am I right?” Jisung rolls his eyes, narrowly dodging the swat Hyunjin aims at him. 

Felix giggles and shrugs out of his sweatshirt. The biggest benefit of the loft, besides the high ceiling, is the fact that the windows exist only on the ceiling, and even then, the orange light of sunset must be reflecting brilliantly against the glass. No one can see him in here. He’s definitely nervous to test flying, not at the prospect of becoming airborne, but because he’s so sure that he won’t get even an inch off the ground, and the others will end up disappointed. Still, he unspools his wrap and sighs as he extends his wings, the stretch blissfully satisfying from base to tip. The sunlight is warm against him, and he swears he can feel it throughout every feather. 

When he opens his eyes, he finds Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin simply watching him with what Felix can only describe as some kind of awe. 

“What?” he says. 

Hyunjin huffs a quiet kind of laugh and runs his hands through his hair. Jeongin goes a bit pink. Jisung simply rolls his eyes. “This guy. What? He says.” 

Felix shrugs in confusion. Jisung’s sarcasm gives way to a soft smile. “Lixie, you look seriously beautiful. It’s kind of irritating.” 

And Felix blushes, trying to hide his face, but his wings simply flutter in ostentatious joy. 

“Aw, they want to fly so badly,” Jeongin half-coos, half-teases. 

“They will also smack you for your disrespect,” Felix sniffs. Then, he tilts his head up. The ceiling is … really high up, now that he’s looking at it. And the floor beneath him is concrete. 

“Angel?” Hyunjin asks. Felix, and his wings, perk up. Hyunjin’s lips twitch in a smile. “Are you nervous?” 

“No!” Felix says quickly. His right wing flits up and wops Felix against the side of his face, and Felix scoffs. “What the fuck! You’re supposed to be on my side!” 

“I think we can take that as a yes,” Hyunjin laughs, stepping forward to run his thumb against the bend of Felix’s right wing. “Thank you for your honesty,” he tells the feathers. 

“Traitors, all of you,” Felix grumbles. 

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Hyunjin tells him this time, not his wing. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Just because those two knuckle heads dragged you.” 

“He’s right, hyung,” Innie says, mollified. “I’m … I didn’t want to guilt you into trying to fly.” 

“You didn’t, dummy,” Felix assures him. “I mean, it wasn’t on my itinerary today, but I’ve been thinking about what you said, about needing a surefire way to escape the Hunters-” 

A visible shudder goes through Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin at the mention. 

“-so I think it’s a good idea.” 

He looks back up towards the ceiling and sighs. I guess I’m still just … scared of letting you down if I can’t fly?”

“That’s okay, Lixie,” Jisung says with a pout. “Innie and I didn’t bring you here just for entertainment value. Don’t get me wrong, it’d be so sick to see you fly – and I’m sure we will at some point – but since we had a free day and we have a bit of a break for the rest of the week, it seemed like a good day to try helping. Plus … Minho went home to visit his cats, so he can’t find out that we’re doing this.” 

Felix laughs out loud. “That’s a fair point.” He looks back to the ceiling, then back to the floor. “And on the off chance I can fly? If I fall?”

“The beanbags!” Hyunjin snaps his fingers. “We’ll put them underneath you!” 

They drag beanbag after beanbag to the center of the room until Felix is in the middle of a circle of cushioning. Then, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin move to the edge of the room. 

“Uh, whenever you’re ready, I guess?” Jisung says. 

“What do I do?” Felix asks meekly. “I can move the wings kind of, but like … do I just flap?” 

“Yeah!” Jeongin encourages. “Just do one? See what happens?” 

Felix raises a brow. “One flap.” 

“Baby steps, right?” Hyunjin says softly. “Like dancing. You don’t learn the whole thing at once. You learn count by count.” 

“Count by count,” Felix repeats. He shakes out his arms and bounces back and forth, foot to foot. Birds have hollow bones, but as far as Felix is aware, he does not. He knows his wings are strong, but are they really strong enough to lift his body in the air?

“Count by count,” he whispers again, not to the others, but to himself, to his wings. 

He extends the wings to their full width, raises them up with a deep inhale and, with a sharp exhale, flaps them down. 

With a small rush of wind, his body is launched nearly two meters into the air and then Felix falls with a shocked yelp directly on top of a bean bag. 

His wings flutter excitedly on either side of him while Felix focuses on catching his breath. He raises his head, hair a mess and mouth agape only to find the others in similar states of shock. 

And then Felix laughs, which sets off Jisung, and soon they’re all cackling. 

“Oh my God, your face!” Jisung guffaws, bent at the middle. Hyunjin claps his hands. 

“You’re like a baby bird!” 

“Did it hurt?” Jeongin snorts. “Please say it didn’t hurt, I need to see you do that again.” 

“It really didn’t, these beanbags are pretty comfy,” Felix rises to his feet. “Maybe I flapped too hard?” 

“Yeah, try a little one. Half power,” Jisung nods. This time, Felix doesn’t hesitate. He raises his wings about halfway as high and pushes them down with a little less force. When his feet leave the ground, it’s equally as exhilarating, and this time he lands feet first on the ground instead of on his back. Jisung whoops excitedly.

“Okay,” Felix nods, breathing heavily. He laughs, a smile forming across his face. “Okay! So I just do that again when I’m in the air?”

“Sounds right,” Jeongin shrugs. Hyunjin stands and moves towards that secret pantry Felix hadn’t realized was there the night he told Felix about his wings. 

“I think I could use a beverage to accompany this. Beer, Jisung, Innie?” 

“Why not me?” Felix whines poutine. 

“No drinking and flying,” Hyunjin points a finger in his direction, a little taunting, a little reproachful. Felix’s wings do another funny flutter.

“So this time, do the same level of flap you did before and do it again at the peak of your height,” Jisung says thoughtfully. 

“Okay!” Felix beams. He does just that, getting easily a meter in the air before flapping again. He screams at the height he manages – his head is nearly level with the loft. 

“Don't forget to-”

“Oof!” Felix yelps as he crashes back to the ground. 

“Catch yourself before you fall…” Jisung finishes. Felix rolls on his stomach and groans into the beanbag as a cascade of footsteps rushes towards him. Then, a large hand presses at the small of his back. 

“You okay, Angel?” Hyunjin asks. Felix groans again and turns his head. 

“Ego’s bruised,” Felix admits. “Nothing else is, though.” He pushes himself upright. His wings twitch and flap minutely. On a hunch, Felix extends them and pushes them down, and with a small woosh of air, he’s elevated back to standing. 

“Oh hell yeah,” he says in English. “I’m never standing up again.” 

“Aright, lazy, why don’t you try getting airborne again but keeping those wings extended so you don’t fall on your ass,” Hyunjin snorts. 

And he does. Again, and again – rising once, twice, and then keeping his wings steady when gravity pulls him down, letting the air catch in the feathers so he doesn’t so much fall but drift to the ground. Twilight slowly fades to night, and with it, so does Felix’s patience. 

“I don’t really think I can call this flying,” he pants. “I can barely get more than three meters up before I lose control.”

“You’re literally flying,” Jeongin deadpans.  

“Yeah, you just need to practice more.” 

“I guess,” Felix kicks at one of the beanbags. “It just feels like something is missing…”

He swears his wings agree. 

“Missing? Like what”

Felix opens his mouth, pausing to think of his phrasing, but before he can find the words, there’s the sound of metal screeching, followed by a loud thud. For a moment, Felix can’t place the noise, and then he realizes it’s coming from the iron door. Someone trying to get in. 

“What?” Hyunjin whispers. They all go very still and very, very quiet. 

Time stops. Felix breathes rapidly, his heart like a hummingbird in his chest. Jisung is mid-putting his drink down, arm suspended in time. Jeongin is turning towards Felix, and Hyunjin is halfway to standing. At this point, the syrupy slowness is immediately identifiable, and it screams danger. Felix barely thinks – he grabs the beers from the members hands and chucks them into the nearby trash can, wraps his arms around Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin in a clumsy knot of hands, and drags them. Their bodies move through time like driftwood in the ocean as they follow him without protest, though still frozen in expressions and gestures, to the closet he’d not realized was there the night he’d shown Hyunjin his wings. All the while, everything is oh so still, oh so quiet.

And then time is normal again with a rush of sound, and metal screeching, and their panting breaths. 

“What the fuck?” Hyunjin gasps, looking down at his body and then around. “How did we get in here-”

“My instincts flared,” Felix pants. “We need to hide–

“Why?” Jeongin asks. Felix doesn’t want to say I don’t know, but I know I’m right. 

“Someone’s trying to get inside.” 

“It could just be someone else who uses the space-” Hyunjin starts.

“Guys!” Felix whispers. “When my instincts flare like that, it’s because someone’s in danger. I need you to trust me.” 

All of their eyes go wide and frightened, perhaps because of the seriousness in Felix’s voice, or perhaps because Felix has acknowledged his instincts in their purest form, the protector his wings make him. 

“The pantry,” Felix says to Hyunjin. Hyunjin nods and moves that tall curtain aside, pulls the shelf back, and ushers them into the small room. It’s objectively cramped, but with night fully fallen, and the curtain mostly covering them, Felix prays that they’ll go unnoticed. They press themselves as far back into the darkness and away from the open shelves as possible. 

Felix pushes his wings out as if he can shield the three members with that movement alone. He feels Hyunjin’s breath catch against where he’s pressed against Felix’s back just as the door swings open. Felix can’t help but lean forward, squinting as the two figures that enter the building. 

They’re wearing black head to toe – nondescript clothing, just joggers and black hoodies, not unlike the outfit Felix is currently wearing – and their faces are mostly obscured by black baseball caps and face masks. Their hands are empty of any weapons, but they both sport backpacks. 

“I don’t see anyone,” one of them, a man by the sound of his voice, says. The other pivots on the spot, eyes dancing across the space. Felix bites his lip to keep still and silent, hoping the others will do the same. 

“Someone was here recently,” the other responds, a woman. “The light up there is on.” 

“Let’s look. They swore they picked up a trail near here.” 

A trail? Felix’s heart feels like it turns to ice. A trail isn’t something an everyday robber picks up. It’s something a hunter is concerned with. 

His wings tense. For the first time, the feathers don’t seem soft – Felix knows without looking at them that they’re standing sharp as knives. He mentally calls to them, reminding them to stay calm, but a part of him – a new, hidden part of him loves knowing that the wings are ready to protect Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin. 

They stand there, objectively hidden but completely screwed if the hunters (or what Felix assumes to be hunters) notice that there’s hollow space behind the shelves. They can only listen as the two hunters methodically roam around the bottom floor. The woman heads up the stairs where they can hear her poking behind easels. The man walks the perimeter, spending time opening the cabinet doors in the small kitchenette and studying each and every mannequin. 

He heads in their direction, eventually, and Felix reaches behind him to grab Hyunjin’s arms. He leans back and away from the slats, praying that the light that does filter through to the closet doesn’t reach them. The man walks closer and closer, eyes narrowed; Felix can’t tell if his gaze lingers on the shelving or not.

“There’s an open window leading to a garden up here with a fire ladder. If someone was here, they might have run when they heard us come in.” 

“Fuck this,” the man snarls. He turns his back on the shelf, much to Felix’s relief, but the ferocity with which he begins digging in his backpack keeps Felix apprehensive. 

“Really? Too lazy to spend ten minutes looking for a stupid angel?”

Felix closes his eyes as the weight of that statement hits its target. He was right – they’re looking for an angel: him. Hyunjin’s grip tightens. 

“The bell works, why would I bother searching?”

What bell? Felix thinks. A moment later, the man straightens with a small golden bell in his land. What the fuck? 

“You’re going to alert every angel in a twenty block radius that we’re here,” the woman scoffs. 

“Good,” the man says, sounding vicious and gleeful; Felix imagines him with sharp teeth. “Let them. You know the feathers are better that way.” 

He holds up the bell, grips it tightly, and drags it down. 

It’s that sound. That perfect sound – pure and full and warm– blooms louder and louder. Felix feels his wings lift, his muscles loosen and his eyes grow heavy. If he goes to that sound, it’ll feel like going home, like hot sand beneath his feet and the smell of peppermint and lavender, like the heat of large hands spanning his waist and pulling him into a hug–

His wings lift higher. And then all he can think about is sinking into that pure, perfect sound. 

When his vision goes, it’s not to blackness, but to golden light.

---

Behind him, Hyunjin stares down with wide eyes as Felix goes very still while his wings continue to rise. He doesn’t pretend to know what the muted tinkling of that bell can do, not when he’s too busy staring at Felix. 

Suddenly, he’s not squinting so hard through the darkness. No, a gentle, golden-dusted glow is barely but surely emanating from the feathers at the very base of Felix’s feathers. Faint, but there – and more concerningly, spreading. 

Jeongin tugs at Hyunjin’s sleeve, and Hyunjin dares to turn his head to catch Innie pointing, not at Felix’s wings, but at the boy himself. Hyunjin turns back to see that Felix is raising an arm, slowly as if in a daze. It reminds Hyunjin very much of when Felix had sleepwalked into his bed those weeks ago, just in horribly different circumstances. 

Felix’s hand moves towards the false wall, and Hyunjin can see, as he leans, that his eyes are not only wide and filled with awe but completely golden, glowing the same way his wings are. 

Hyunjin grabs his arm before he can continue moving. Jisung and Jeongin seem to catch on and they each quietly pull his wings down and back to disguise the glowing. Thankfully, Felix seems pleased to relax into the hug, even though he’s still leaning towards the noise. 

“Huh, I really thought one would crawl out of the woodwork or something,” the guy grunts. 

“Faulty lead, I guess; could be a bad batch of Houndswater. Let’s get out of here and see where that balcony leads.” 

Hyunjin keeps a strong grasp on Felix who is simultaneously melting into the cuddle and trying to drag Hyunjin out the door. He silently presses his hand against Felix’s mouth, terrified that he’s going to call out after the bell, but Felix simply watches with big, doe eyes as the two interlopers slip out of the loft with hungry grins. 

Hyunjin keeps Felix there until at least a minute has passed. Then he waits at least another two until he feels confident they’re not about to double back. Just as he’s ready to release Felix, the blonde in question sags, knees almost buckling beneath him. 

“Whoa,” Hyunjin gasps. 

“Oh my God,” Jisung whimpers. 

Felix trembling, as if he’s been exercising for the past several minutes. He blinks golden eyes up at Hyunjin, sleepy and confused, almost drunk if Hyunjin had to compare the expression. Clumsily, Felix presses a palm against his chest, then presses two fingers to his neck. Hyunjin tracks the movement. 

“We need to get out of here. Fast.” 

Jisung and Jeongin nod; Jisung shoves the false door forward and Hyunjin swoops Felix up into his arms, the wings hanging just as boneless as his body over Hyunjin’s arm and down to the floor. 

“Innie, check the door,” Hyunjin says. 

“We need him to be able to stand and walk,” Jisung says. “If we can’t wrap his wings, there’s no chance in hell we’re getting out of here.” 

Hyunjin lowers Felix onto one of the beanbags. Felix just continues to blink, head lolling. Now, uncovered, he can see that Felix’s wings are fully dusted in golden light. If the situation wasn’t so dire, Hyunjin might ask to paint Felix right this very second, if just to color match that sunshiney light. 

“Lixie,” Hyunjin shakes his shoulder lightly. Felix doesn’t respond, other than to hum an oddly melancholy note, low in his chest. He shakes him a little harder. “Lixie, come on, you have to wake up.” 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Jeongin jumps from foot to foot. “What if they come back?”

“Let me try,” Jisung bumps Hyunjin to the side and crouches in front of Felix. Instead of shaking his shoulder, he pats Felix on the cheek. “Come on, Bbokie, it’s time to get your shit together! Please, for the love of God!” He taps him a little harder and a little harder again. 

“Stop, you’re gonna hurt him–” Hyunjin snaps. Jisung gives him one more slap, and Hyunjin lightly elbows him. “Ji, stop!” 

“He has to wake up! We might not have time for him to snap out of this himself!” Jisung snaps back. Hyunjin grabs Jisung by the wrist, intent on pulling him back, and Jisung tries to wrench himself free, using his other hand to shove Hyunjin–

It happens in a heartbeat. One second, Felix is like a milk-drunk kitten, and the next he’s got Jisung pinned on his back, one hand clenched at his shoulder, the other raised high in an open claw as if to tear out his heart. 

Felix snarls, eyes bright as a star and just as fiery, and his wings swish to each side with the sound of knives being sharpened. 

Jisung stares up at him in horror.

“Hyung!” Jeongin yells. “Hyung, stop!” 

“Yongbok, it’s me!” Jisung yelps. “Lixie, come on, I didn’t mean to push him–”

“I’m safe,” Hyunjin says on instinct. Immediately, Felix freezes. His feathers seem to twitch in Hyunjin’s direction, like an animal’s ears swiveling in attention. “Angel, you hear me? I’m completely safe. Sungie didn’t hurt me, baby, he just scared me a little. Honestly, I pushed him first, right?” 

“I would never hurt him, Lixie,” Jisung says. “None of us would ever hurt each other.” 

“I’m safe, and so are the others, and so are you,” Hyunjin crawls, tentative inch by inch, towards Felix – bow string tense, still so fierce – and places a hand on Felix’s lower back. 

All of the feathers seem to sigh, losing their razor-edged quality second by second. As they calm, Felix’s stillness fractures into a trembling, then a shaking. 

He blinks, once, twice, and on the third, the golden glow that had eclipsed his irises and pupils is gone, quickly replaced by tears. 

“Oh my God, Ji,” he gasps. Jisung lets out a shaky breath and drops his head back onto the bean bag. “What – what am I doing? What – did I hurt you?” 

Jisung laughs, wraps his arms around Felix’s neck, and pulls him down to lie flush against his body. 

“Did I hurt you?” Felix whispers in his ear. 

“No, you didn’t,” Jisugn assures him. “You were very, very cool – and very scary, I’m man enough to admit that! – but you didn’t hurt me. I don't think you ever could.” 

“Now we know not to mess with Jinnie when you’re all … glowy,” Jeongin waves his fingers through the air. Felix – sweet mimic that he is – can’t help but echo the gesture. 

“What?” Felix asks, lost. Hyunjin can’t help it. He grabs Felix by his still aloft wrist and pulls him into a hug that he knows is bonecrushing, knows is desperate and terrified and so risky. 

“We’re getting you out of here, okay? I’ll explain on the way, but we’ve gotta start moving.” 

They wrap Felix’s wings – also trembling down to the tip – and anxiously exit the building, Felix’s hand wrapped in a five grip in Hyunjin’s own. Thankfully, the alleyway is empty, but the Sunday-night street is bustling enough that they quickly weave into the crowd. They beeline to the Seunglix dorm – empty with a note on the counter that Seungmin’s with Changbin at a restaurant and will be back late, but don’t forget to eat dinner – and Hyunjin wastes no time ensuring the windows are locked, blinds are drawn, and Felix does nothing more than sit. 

“Can someone please tell me what the fuck happened?” Felix begs. 

“Tea?” Jisung asks him. 

“What?” Felix asks. 

“You're right, hot chocolate. It’s a hot chocolate night.” 

Felix makes a noise of surprise but doesn’t even try to move – even less with Jeongin flops next to him and wraps his arm about Felix’s shoulders. Hyunjin simply watches, fear still ricocheting through his chest.

Jisung carries a mug of hot chocolate to each of them and then sinks cross legged on the floor. Felix takes a sip and hums. 

“It’s good, thank you,” he says. “Now, can you please tell me what happened?” 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Hyunjin asks. Felix squints as he thinks, a shudder sloshing the cocoa nearly over the edge of the mug. 

“The hunters took out a bell,” he says slowly. “That … that sound. It was–”

“Out of tune,” Jisung snorts. Felix’s eyes snap open. 

“What? No, it was the best sound I’ve ever heard!” 

“Really?” Hyunjin asks. 

“It reminded me …” Felix looks down, but that blush – God, Hyunjin’s never met someone so prone to rosiness – “it reminded me of Innie and Seungminnie’s singing.” 

“Aish, I’m not that bad!” Jeongin scoffs, but he’s blushing too. 

(Maybe Hyunjin got it wrong. He’s certain Felix likes someone in the group, has heard Minho and Jisung giggling behind Felix’s back, and spent an odd amount of time considering it. When he saw Changbin and Felix cuddling, he’d felt certain that Felix’s schoolboy crush had never gone away, especially when Felix had fumbled and flustered upon being asked. But maybe, it’s Jeongin – someone just as cute as Felix, but with a bit of a bite). 

“What do you mean you’ve heard it before!” 

Jisung’s yell pulls Hyunjin out of his head. 

“What?” he asks. Jisung’s jaw is dropped and he points a dramatic finger in Felix’s direction. 

“This dumbass has heard that sound before and didn’t think to mention it!” 

“I wasn’t trying to keep a secret!” Felix scrambles. He looks terrified, so similarly scared as he had been, begging Hyunjin to believe him all those weeks ago. “I swear – but I didn’t know it was a bell. I honestly thought I’d imagined it!” 

“We believe you, Angel,” Hyunjin calms him gently. 

“Oh, shoot, Lixie, I was just being dramatic, you know me,” Jisung says apologetically. “I was just shocked.” 

“Imagine how I feel,” Felix whispers. “What … what happened? After the bell?” 

“Your wings glowed,” Jeoingin says. “And your eyes.”

“You froze,” Hyunjin adds. You weren’t scared – you looked happy, but you also kept trying to get to the bell. It wasn’t like you were fighting us or anything, but you definitely wanted to move towards it.” 

“I remember how it felt,” Felix nods slowly in recognition. “It was like pure calm and happiness.” 

“The woman, she said something about the sound alerting other angels by using it. Maybe what I heard during the interview was that bell but further away…” 

“They suspect there’s an angel in the city, then.” Jeongin twists his fingers anxiously in his lap.

“I just hope they don’t suspect it’s me,” Felix whispers. “But … why was I about to attack you?” 

Jisung glances at Hyunjin questioningly, though Hyunjin isn’t quite sure why. He just shrugs, and Jisung answers. 

“You were like, drunk on your instincts. Jinnie couldn’t get you to focus on anything, and your eyes wouldn’t stop glowing. I may have shoved him and your wings really didn’t like that.” 

Felix shifts anxiously in his seat, not meeting Hyunjin’s eye and going a bit pink. 

“You didn’t hurt him though, Lix,” Hyunjin says. 

“Yeah, Jinnie talked you down in the end.” 

“It’s still scary that I did that,” he says, eyes distant. “I don’t like knowing that I might have hurt you.” 

“I don’t think you would have,” Jisung says confidently. “Maybe held me there looking all scary and shit, but never hurt me.” 

Felix still doesn’t look convinced. Hyunjin has that reoccurring urge to wrap him in a blanket, carry him to a bed, and keep him there and out of harm's way. 

It’s natural, though. It’s Felix. Everyone feels that way, he’s sure. 

“Not to be a total downer, but I think the scarier thing here is the fact that the Angel Hunters were not only apparently trailing Felix, but that they have an Angel-luring bell and whatever the hell Houndsjuice-” 

“Houndswater, I think,” Hyunjing corrects, his stomach heavy. 

“Houndswater is!” Jeongin says bluntly. Jisung swats him on the knee, and Felix immediately rubs the same spot. 

“Don’t worry. I’m okay, right?” he says. “I wasn’t hurt.” 

“But you could be,” Hyunjin says, surprised at the growl creeping into his voice; even more surprised when he rises to his feet, spans the living room, and crouches in front of Felix. “I’m really glad we’re going to Jeju island, because the second we’re back, you’re not going anywhere by yourself.” 

Felix blinks at him, the rosiness returning, but what Hyunjin can tell is a protest on his lips. 

“Nope, sorry, it’s happening,” Hyunjin says firmly, taking his wrist and circling it with his fingers. “Lix, you didn’t see what you were like. I’m not talking about when you had Jisung pinned down, I’m talking about what you were like in the closet and after. If we hadn’t been there…” his voice catches on a lump of emotion he hadn’t realized was forming. “You would have gone right to them. You wouldn’t have had any way to fight back.” 

Felix stares back at him. Normally, Felix’s face is like a night sky, freckles and emotions constellations in equal parts. Now, the emotions are muddled. Fear – certainly; stubbornness – just barely there in the scrunch of his button nose; but something else, too, something beautiful in the parting of his lips and the shine of his eyes. 

“Okay,” Felix finally says. He sniffles and glances down. “I know we have to leave kind of early … but can we have a slumber party?” 

Hyunjin feels his heart clench and wonders, vaguely, what he ate to give him heartburn. 

Felix and Jeongin go to wash up first while Jisung and Hyunjin lay blankets and pillows on the living room floor. 

“Hey, Ji?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think it’s weird that Felix’s wings protected me like that?” 

Jisung snorts, and Hyunjin chucks a pillow at his head. “What’s so funny.” 

“Nothing, just … his wings like you, is all.” 

“Yeah, they like everyone. He told me so!” 

Jisung rolls his eyes as he flops onto the mountain of blankets and grins up at Hyunjin. “Must have just been in the right place at the right time.”

Hyunjin huffs and throws another pillow at him. 

 

Notes:

Sooooo what do we think? Excited? Nervous? I can’t decide who I liked writing more - Hyunjin in denial, panicked-gay Felix, smug Jisung, or the Hunters.

Thank u as always <3

Chapter 11: spread my wings

Summary:

Six down, one to go.
(Felix swears he didn’t mean to leave Chan for last.)

Notes:

10K hits??? What the hell, yall!! I cannot thank you enough for interacting with this fic, it means the world to me.

I wanted to get this out yesterday, but totally failed. Oof this is a long boy. I seriously considered splitting it into two chapters, but at the end of the day, I didn’t wanna end on a cliffhanger (not when I have a few devastating cliffhangers in mind coming up). As it stands, I hope it doesn’t feel too rushed, I want to keep things moving, but hopefully not at the risk of ruining the story.

Also, I know this has been the slowest of burns so far, but I PROMISE things are getting very real very soon. Like… Very soon.

Plz enjoy nearly 10K words to celebrate 10K bits <3

Felix is definitely not handling the Hunter ordeal as well as he’d like, and apparently everyone in the universe can tell. 

“You’re bouncing your knee again,” Jeongin whispers. They’ve just boarded their jet to Jeju island, and though security went swimmingly, Felix keeps glancing over his shoulder as if the hunters will appear at any second. “Do you want me to get Hyunjin?” 

Yes. “It’s okay,” Felix says. “I’m really fine.” 

“Hmm,” Jeongin clearly doesn’t believe him, but instead of calling him out, he just waves his switch in the air. “At least help me beat this level. I can’t do it myself.”

Felix smiles, ruffles Jeongin’s hair, and – like Jeongin had for him – doesn’t call the maknae on his obvious lie either.

---

Jeju is peaceful, sunny, and so different from Seoul that Felix feels the anxiety about the Hunters reduce from a boil to the lowest of simmers. Their flight was at the crack of dawn, so the first stop is the coffee shop right next to the airport. By the time the Kids are caffeinated (or in Felix’s case, sugared), the landscape, week off, and sheer lack of paparazzi and staff has amped them all up to energy levels rivaled only by the sunshine and levels of volume that would sure break the decibel scale. 

“First things first, let’s go see where we’re staying and drop off our stuff,” Chan announces once they’re all loaded into a van. “Then we can figure out what we want to do.” 

“What are our options?” Seungmin asks. 

“Can we please factor food into one of the plans,” Changbin asks. 

“Seconded,” adds Jisung. 

“Personally, I would be happy to just lay down for five hours,” Minho groans. “Coffee hasn’t done its job yet.” 

“Well, we could go to one of the parks, go hiking in the forest. Or we could go to the folk village, that could be kind of cool. I know there are a lot of seasonal markets so maybe a cool one’s going on. Oh!” Chan lights up suddenly. “We definitely have to go to a beach! Oh, Lix, maybe we can ask about getting some boards out. When was the last time we were in the water together?” 

Felix’s sunny smile has become fixed and anxious. A beach. A beach. A place where a sweatshirt is definitely out of the question, and even the best of wrappings with elastic will fail to go unnoticed. 

Hyunjin immediately notices the change in Felix’s behavior.

“We should probably do a beach day after we rest to make the most of it, right?”

“Yeah,” Suengmin catches on too. “I’d be down for a market, maybe a walk in the park? That would be fun but not too exhausting for our first day.” 

Chan seems so excited to be at Jeju that he doesn’t notice Felix’s unreciprocated excitement. It makes Felix feel achingly guilty – here they are, on a trip for the express purpose to disengage from their worries in the real world, and Felix wants to drop yet another fear on Chan’s plate. 

Just be honest. 

Felix steals his nerves. He’ll tell Chan tonight, after they’ve had a nice day together. 

---

They’ve secured a large rental car for the week, big enough that they can all fit, though their luggage ends up squeezed into every available nook and cranny. Soon enough, they’re headed to their rental. They drive along a narrow path through a thick forest, down a small mountain. When they emerge through the trees, they all gasp. The forest gives way to tall fields of grass filled with wildflowers. The fields end in cliffsides that, as they get closer, overlook miles of beach. The water is bright blue where it laps along the sand. 

“Maybe we don’t ever go back,” Jisung whispers. 

The house itself is perfect – Felix had been nervous that the company would put them up in an overly fancy resort, or one of those modern mansions so big they feel lonely. Instead, they get a large but cozy-looking cabin – undeniably fancy (and definitely expensive) with top-of-the-line appliances and chic interiors, but still comfy. The living room hosts comfy looking couches and the thickest rug Felix has ever seen. The kitchen is huge and airy, clearly ready for actual cooking and not just there to give the appearance of being lived in. There’s a room for each of them which is no small feat, and each room has the fluffiest of beds. They all audibly moan when they find out that the bathrooms not only host jacuzzi tubs, but that there’s a sauna room. 

It’s all amazing, but none of it can begin to compare with the actual design of the house. Instead of decorating with art, the designer has chosen wide, floor-to-ceiling windows wherever possible. Because the location of the house is so private (in part due to the ocean on one side, and just-shy-of-wild gardens on the other), the windows allow them to take in the landscape without fear of being looked back at. When they finally make their way to the back of the house, they find a massive pool and hot tub. 

“Look, stairs!” Chan points excitedly, dragging Felix with him. The stairs lead down to their own private beach. 

“Can we stay here again?” Hyunjin grins.. 

“I don’t see why not,” Chan grins back. He leans against the railing and closes his eyes as the sea breeze catches in his hair. He looks so happy, so at ease. Felix fights the urge to wrap him in a hug. Chan must have a secret sixth sense, though, because even with his eyes closed, he finds Felix’s hand and pulls him into a hug. “I guess the designer has several properties on this stretch of land. This was the only one with eight rooms, though.”  

“Well, we have five days to make the most of it,” Changbin says. “What if we start with food?” 

The longer the day goes on, the less anxious Felix feels. It’s almost like he’s able to forget about the Hunters – though, when he does remember, it’s with a sharp sort of stab that he swears is originating from his wings. 

His wings are being … odd. They’re almost jumpy. Several times he has to remind them that there’s no danger, but it’s like they’re traumatized. 

Hyunjin notices when they’re walking through a market, each of them having chosen a different treat. Since it’s vacation, his hyungs only protested a little when he opted for ice cream instead of an actual meal, promising that he’d get something nutritious later, and he’s happily lapping up the dripping lemon sorbet when his back spasms. 

“Wing things?” Hyunjin asks from Felix’s right. Felix nods. 

“I think they’re anxious,” he says. Hyunjin doesn’t question the statement. Instead, he rubs his thumb across Felix’s shoulders and leans a bit closer. 

“We’re all safe, I promise.” It takes Felix a moment before he realizes that Hyunjin is talking to his wings. The realization makes the feathers flutter and his cheeks flood with color. Thankfully Hyunjin is too preoccupied to notice. “You do such a good job taking care of us, don’t you? But we’re on vacation, so you can rest too.” 

Miraculously, it works, at least for the next hour or so. By the time they get twitchy again, the members are halfway through a small hike. It’s by no means strenuous, more of a walk than anything else, but the physical activity makes the twitchiness beneath his sweater less noticeable. It also allows the group as a whole to act as chaotically as they’d like. Swears and curses fly as frequently as the butterflies in the park, and the physical antics are ten times worse than if managers were watching. Even Chan can’t find it in him to admonish Minho when he fully tackles Seungmin to the ground for supposedly trying to trip him. Felix chases Jisung around for a full seven minutes trying to kiss him, claiming that without the cameras, Jisung can finally stop playing hard to get. 

When they get back to the cabin, laden with snacks from the nearby grocery store, several bottles of wine, and far more beer than idols should be seen purchasing, they don’t bother going back inside for long. Instead, they spend time chasing each other around the fields, playing a chaotic game of hide and seek. Felix dashes up a large tree with huge branches, only to find Hyunjin already hiding there. 

“Sorry!” Felix squeaks, giggly and warm. 

“It’s okay, you can hide with me,” Hyunjin grins. “Come on.” 

Felix scales the last few branches and hunches next to Hyunjin. He feels like they’re in an alternate universe, just a couple of young adults messing around with their friends. They both stifle their giggles as Jeongin runs by looking for them, clinging to each other as much as they do the tree. Hey, if they fall, at least they’ll fall together. 

“How are the wings doing?” Hyunjin asks softly, his hand immediately coming to rest on Felix’s back. 

“Better,” Felix whispers back. “When we’re running around like this, it’s harder to notice.”

Hyunjin smiles sadly. “If you went ahead and told Chan, you’d be able to have them loose. I hate the idea that they’re scrunched up underneath so much fabric.” 

Felix’s wings flutter happily at the idea and Hyunjin smiles. 

“I’m gonna tell him tonight,” Felix says. “I … Thank you, Jinnie. For everything.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widen in shock. “I -” 

“Found you!” Jeongin yells from the base of the tree. Hyunjin nearly topples off of his branch, but Felix catches him at the last second. 

“Let’s get you to the ground before you get seriously injured,” Felix laughs. 

“Nah, you’d catch me,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes as he hops down from the branch, raising his hand to help Felix down. 

“Always,” Felix answers immediately. 

It’s a bit more honest than he means, but the only indication Hyunjin heard him is the red-faced smile he aims in his direction.   

They end their first day on the floor of the living room floor with an impossibly stupid movie on the TV that no one’s paying attention to. Of course, even with the eight bedrooms, they’ve migrated back to the comfort of each other, sprawled atop what must be a dozen fluffy blankets with legs and arms draped and braided amongst each other. Felix is particularly spoiled, right in the middle of the pile with Hyunjin to his left and Chan to his right. 

“Can we pause it? I want to get more snacks,” Jeongin chirps. Minho dutifully pauses the movie and stretches. 

“I could use a bathroom break. Let’s take five?” 

“Hey Chan, can I talk to you?” Felix asks quietly as the members shift into a movement or get busy on their phones. Chan doesn’t answer, and Felix turns to find their leader, head tilted back and mouth half open, eyes closed and face free of worry lines and stress. 

“Oh, wow,” Felix snorts. The sound draws Changbin’s attention. 

“It’s only eight,” Changbin nods in amazement. 

“I think he really needed this,” Felix says softly, raising a gentle hand to brush Chan’s hair away from his eyes. 

“We all did,” Changbin sighs. “You did, too. Gotta rest those wings once in a while, right?” 

Felix stretches his back. The joints of his wings feel crampy and sore. Changbin frowns. “You can tell him tomorrow, yeah?”

Felix nods. “You’re right. He deserves to sleep.” 

Except the next day comes without a single moment to grab Chan, as does the day after that. Felix swears that everytime he finds the leader on his own, something happens to interrupt them. When they’re touring the historic folk village, Felix tries to pull Chan along one of the narrowed, tree-laden paths, only for the leader to joyfully insist all the boys join. At dinner, Felix suggests that he and Chan check out the beach, but Seungmin sneakily orders them a round of tequila shots that turns into four more rounds, and … well, Felix ends up so giggly that he can barely get out a sentence, let alone the entire, terrible story. 

He takes to faking ‘naps’, if only so he can free his wings and stretch them. The wing curls are second nature now, and he can easily move the wings without so much as a second thought, though the feathers seem a bit ruffled, literally and figuratively, due to their constant biding. Their twitchiness has yet to subside – if anything, it’s gotten worse. Anytime Felix isn’t actively moving, the wings seem to strain and fret. He’s started verbally snapping at them, but nothing helps. 

“I think it’s going to storm tonight,” Jisung says on their third night from his perch by the largest window. “We should watch a horror movie.” 

“Nooo,” Chan and Felix protest at the same time in classic Aussie Naurrs. 

“I’ll get nightmares,” Felix pouts. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” Hyunjin immediately sides with him, but Jisung looks stubborn. 

“We’ll all sleep in the living room tonight. You can hide behind Hyunjin if it makes you feel better.” 

Damn Jisung and his persuasiveness. Hiding behind Hyunjin’s broad shoulders doesn’t sound like a bad way to spend an evening. 

Of course, Minho chooses the movie, swears that the Grudge isn’t that scary, and Hyunjin ends up with a lapful of Felix and Chan. Felix is so scared that he hardly remembers to pull Chan aside, and Chan himself looks ready to throw himself into an ocean if it means watching something without any jump scares. Eventually, Minsung take pity on them and throw on Spiderman, just as the clouds above them open and a gentle rain falls against the windows. 

Felix sits up, excited to enjoy it, and leans against Hyunjin until the older gives in and tucks him under his arm.  

“You’re totally gonna fall asleep if you get too comfortable,” Hyunjin whispers to him, sending goosebumps down his spine. 

“No I’m not,” Felix insists. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever you say, Angel.” 

Felix is asleep in five minutes. 

---

“Okay, we need to do this now before his wings do it for him.”

Felix writhes where he lays, blanketed in red-tinged darkness.

“We’re going to do this fast. He’s probably going to scream. I’m really sorry.”

Felix feels himself falling, at first a slow sink, and then a plummet. He tries to flex his wings, to move his arms, to do anything, but it’s like he’s trapped in nothingness, as without power as he is without a body–

“Yongbok? Yongbok, stay awake!”

“I can’t just watch him die!” 

---

Pain tears up Felix’s back and he jolts up with a wet gasp. 

What the fuck was that, Felix wonders. His hand flies to his back, panicked for a moment when he doesn’t feel his wings, but then he remembers that they’re still bound. 

As the panic dims, he becomes aware that the pleasant rain shower he’d fallen asleep to has churned into a storm. The thunder isn’t a low rumble, but cacophonous peals that feel like they start in Felix’s chest before booming across the sky. The rain is coming down closer to sideways than vertically in rhythmic slapping whips against the glass, cold and wet against Felix’s face–

That thought makes him sit up with a gasp. He realizes that only he and Jeongin are still asleep on the pallet of mattress pads and blankets, the others presumably having migrated upstairs to the actual beds. Felix is closer to the sliding doors and patio windows, and a sharp flash of blinding lightning illuminates a shattered pane of glass, clearly broken from the now-fallen patio umbrella.

Felix rises to his feet and rushes upstairs. It takes him a couple of guesses until he finds the room Chan is in, and he quickly shakes the man asleep. 

“S’matta?” Chan mumbles. 

“Hyung, a window’s broken. I think there’s a bad storm.” 

Chan squints clearly. “Lix?” 

Another huge boom of thunder shudders the house, and Felix hears a crash downstairs. Suddenly, Chan is very, very awake and moving very, very quickly. It’s all Felix can do to keep up with him. 

“Hyungs?” Jeongin says nervously as soon as they enter. He looks small and nervous, wrapped in his blanket and hunched in a tight ball. 

“Are you okay?” Chan asks. 

“Yeah,” Jeongin nods. “A-another window broke. In the kitchen, I think?”

“Get your shoes on, wake Minho, and tell him to get everyone to the center of the house,” Chan says sternly.

“Where are you going?” Felix asks anxiously as Chan starts pulling on his shoes. 

“I’m going to get the car and drive it around the front. I don’t like the idea of being stuck here with all the trees. If the wind gets worse, we’ll need to try to leave.” 

“I’m coming with you,” Felix grabs his own shoes. Chan’s eyes bug. “I’m not asking. It’s stupid for you to go alone. I’m from Sydney too, Chan, I know storms.” 

Chan’s face scrunches, but he must realize that Felix has a point. “Fine, but you stay in the doorway, got it?” 

“Got it.” 

Chan has barely twisted the nob and nudged the door before the wind slams it against the side of the house with a force that makes Felix cringe. Felix steps carefully onto the porch and whimpers. The sky is just beginning to lighten, and the black tumult of trees writhing against the lightning-striped sky is daunting at best. Another flash of lightning (immediately followed by more of that booming thunder) illuminates just how much rainwater is streaming down the mountain and directly at the house. It’s not quite a river, but far too close for comfort. 

Chan runs, almost slipping, to the car. Felix has to squint against the rain – sideways against his body and face – to make out the vehicle. THe ground beneath it is pure mud, the tires already sinking into the earth. 

“Shit,” he whispers. Still, Chan unlocks the car and crawls in. Felix can barely hear the sounds of the engine turning over – once, twice, and then finally – but his hope is short lived. As soon as Chan presses down on the gas, a flurry of mud splatters through the air, and the car remains painfully stationary. 

“Lix-ah, what’s happening?” 

 Jeongin has clearly gathered the others. They’re huddled anxiously in the center of the house, close to the bathroom and clearly prepared to take cover if needed. Minho stares at him expectantly, Hyunjin at his shoulder. 

“I don’t think the car can drive in the mud!” Felix yells over the wind and rain. He looks back to see Chan running back from the car. Even though he was only outside for maybe thirty seconds, his curls are water logged, clothes sodden. Suddenly, their leader freezes, his eyes go wide despite the rain, and he takes an involuntary step back. Felix’s chest feels like it’s turning to ice as Chan cups his hands around his mouth and screams. “RUN!” 

No one needs further prompting – Chan rarely yells, only doing so in times of genuine danger. He’s never sounded this scared. Felix is caught up in a tangle of hands, all dragging him and each other and whatever body they can clasp out of the house and into the freezing rain. As soon as they are, they all turn to see what Chan was looking at. 

Felix gets maybe a two second glance before his stomach drops. A two second glance before the massive tree he and Hyunjin had climbed mere hours ago fully separates from the earth in a spray of mud and roots and crashes onto the house with a sickening crunch. 

“Oh my God,” Hyunjin whispers. His hand clings tightly to Felix’s hoodie, as if he can keep him physically anchored in place. Felix takes a selfish step back and presses himself against Hyunjin’s body. It’s all he can do not to throw up. The tree has fallen directly atop where the other members had stood not a moment ago. He’s trying to formulate a single plan, any clue of what to do now that both their shelter and the car are out of the question, when he hears a noise that is neither thunder nor rain, but sonorous all the same. An odd sort of rushing, growing louder and louder …

His wings prickle. Slowly, with horror pounding in his veins, Felix turns and looks up the mountain. What had once seemed like a beautiful, forested incline, acting as a barrier between them and the rest of the world, now seems like a terrible trap – Felix can only stare, open mouthed, as a veritable wall of mud, rock, and plant barrels towards the ocean (and wow, Felix hates the version of him that had said ‘Ooh, it’s like we’re on the edge of the world!’ with such wonder). 

Chan makes a noise like a wail. “Around the house! Now!”

Felix tries to tell his feet to move, but he’s locked in place. All he can do is watch the mudslide barrel towards them. 

“Felix!” Hyunjin yells over the storm, pulling Felix’s arm harder and harder. Finally, Hyunjin wraps an arm around Felix’s middle, hoists him over his shoulder, and runs. 

The group flees towards the side of the house. Felix taps Hyunjin now that he feels less paralyzed and more actionably terrified, and they weave and dart through mud and rain and with no destination in mind other than away from the mountain that is rushing right at them–

“Fuck!” 

Chan screams as he nearly runs straight off the cliff edge. He barely manages to catch himself on the flimsy wooden railing, then whips around to stop the others. Felix hangs off of Hyunjin’s arm and shakily looks behind him. 

The mudslide has transformed from slow moving earth to a small wall of water, barrelling towards them at an unidentifiable speed. He can’t make out how much water there is, but with the slippery ground beneath them and the nauseating sensation that the cliffside itself could fall into the ocean, he knows that they need to get off the ground, fast. 

“Over here!” Chan yells. He motions them towards the far side of the house, closest to the ocean, and points desperately at a ladder leaning up towards the room. 

“What if it caves in!” Changbin yells back. 

“It’s our only option!” Chan looks truly shattered at the thought. “Go, c’mon!” 

They scale the ladder one by one. Felix is shivering as he climbs up, his fingers slipping again and again on the wooden rungs, but he can’t fall – not when that wall of water is getting closer every second. Hyunjin pulls him up with a grunt, and Felix wails at a sudden stab of pain in his wings–

Suddenly, he’s dangling, his foot going straight through the water-logged wood. Hyunjin gasps but tightens his hold of Felix’s arm, and Chan wraps his hands around Felix’s feet to boost him up. In the end, he drags Felix up, but when Felix turns to help Chan –

Well, the ladder is definitely not usable anymore. It’s snapped clean in the middle. THe rushing water combined with the roar of the ocean is near deafening.

“CHRIS” Felix screams, but their leader doesn’t seem to care about his own predicament. He’s too busy counting the members, mouth wordlessly getting to seven before twitching in the most minute of relieved smiles. “CHRIS, YOU HAVE TO GET UP HERE!” 

But he knows what Chan has figured out – the ladder is broken. There’s no other way up. Hyunjin instantly reaches an arm down, but even with Jeongin and Changbin grabbing his ankles, the distance is too great, the roof too slick. 

“IT’LL BE OKAY!” Chan yells back. “STAY AWAY FROM THE EDGE!” 

Felix looks back as his tears pour over. The water is nearly upon them, and Chris is about to go over the edge. THey need more time–

“More time,” he whispers to himself. Then, he sits up straighter. That nagging itch in his back, the anxiety of his wings – he’s been pushing the instincts away, but maybe his wings knew something was going to happen. Maybe Felix was so adamant about not being concerned about the hunters that he’s been ignoring any and all other dangers. 

Help me help him, Felix thinks to himself, just as the wall of water reaches Chan. Just as Chan scrambles for balance, for something to hold that isn’t a broken part of the house or so slick with rain. 

Just as the water capaults into his body and sends him flying over the edge. 

When time freezes this time, it’s like being shoved underwater. Felix hadn’t quite appreciated the sheer volume of the storm, but without the rush of rain, wind, and thunder, he’s very aware of his own panting breaths and pounding heart rate. The sheets of water droplets hang like gems in the air, a bolt of lightning like a scar amongst the purpled clouds. 

Felix rips off his hoodie, shirt, and bandages. He doesn’t so much call to his wings as they leap to action, opening to their full span. 

Baby steps, Hyunjin had said in the loft. 

Felix doesn’t have time for baby steps. His wings burn with pure warmth as he pulls them tighter behind his body. He runs across the roof as time resumes, takes a deep breath, and leaps in a swan dive off of the furthest eave and down towards the furious ocean. 

He hears someone scream, but the sound is swallowed up before he can place who it was. 

And then he’s falling, shooting forward and down like a bullet, the wings making him aerodynamic. Unlike the loft, Felix doesn’t think – not when he sees Chan.

Chan’s hands are scrambling in the air for anything to cling to. His eyes widen in terror when he sees Felix, but that survival instinct has his hand shooting up. Come on, come on, Felix urges his body to go faster, pulls the wings in so tight that the flexible bones in them ache. Closer and closer, Felix is so close, but so is the furious ocean, littered with dark black rocks –

Faster, Felix tells himself 

Then, finally, in a half-second that feels like hours, Felix’s open hand wraps around Chan’s arm, and Chan’s fingers latch on with all the strength of a vice grip. They’re nearly at the water, only a few meters away, and Felix feels warm heat spread from the center of his back and down to the very tips of his fingers. He bites his lip, pulls Chan into his arms, and spreads his wings out with a single, almighty woosh. 

He feels ice cold water spray at his already drenched body and opens his eyes to a wall of black, nearly triple his height. Felix screams as he forces his wings – already straining with Chan’s weight – to tilt away from the massive wave. 

“You can do it, come on,” he tells his wings, or maybe just himself. 

At the last possible second, Felix is able to pull them just above the crest of the wave. That warm burn crescendos towards a boil, but Felix can only think about the way Chan is shaking against his body. He takes a deep breath and thinks of Chan, how strong he always is, how he pushes past his own pain time and time against to take care of them – to take care of Felix

Nothing on this planet could make any of us stop loving you.

You’re such an Angel, Lix

I want you to be okay and happy. 

We all just want you back. I want you back. 

Felix focuses on that burning in his back and lets it spread and grow, and then he pushes his wings down so quickly and forcefully that he can hear the rush of feathers over the roaring of the ocean. And then he’s shooting up – up so high, so quickly, that Felix gasps and Chan screams, wrapping his arms more tightly around Felix’s neck. The extra weight threatens to drag them down again and Felix forces his wings to flap again before he dares to open his eyes. 

They’re closer to the clouds than they are to the ground. Felix feels the electricity down to the smallest fiber of his wings. He doesn’t think, just acts, leaning himself and a still screaming Chan forwards and angling each wing with small micromovements until they’re shooting back down towards the house. 

I’m actually flying, Felix thinks to himself. 

He manages to expand his wings and flap them just in time to slow down his descent, but he and Chan still hit the ground a little too hard. Felix wraps his wings protectively around Chan to take the brunt of the fall, rolling across hard earth and rock and so much mud until he finally comes to a stop. 

“Oh my god, oh my god-” 

“Are they okay?” 

“I can’t tell, Lix has him in his wings-” 

Felix groans in pain as he opens his wings just a bit. Chan seems to be unconscious, but the immediate pang of fear drifts away when Felix feels Chan’s heart beating against him. 

“We did it,” Felix whispers. 

His wings finally relax, shaking with exertion of boneless where they lay wrapped around Chan. 

Felix sighs, and everything goes black. 

---

Chan is wet and cold. He knows he needs to wake up, but a part of him knows that whatever awaits him in consciousness will be stressful. It’s the same feeling he always gets during late nights of production when he falls asleep in front of his laptop. 

But now, like then, he knows he needs to drag himself back to the real world. The members need him, rely on him. 

Except, when he opens his eyes, he’s in neither his bedroom nor the studio. He’s in some kind of white cocoon. 

He’s shivering against a body beneath him, and someone is screaming. 

“Chan-hyung!” 

It’s Hyunjin, Chan realizes. He’s … crying? 

That gets him moving. He rolls over, breaking out of the soft, white cocoon, and is immediately greeted with cold rain. 

The storm. The tree. The mudslide. 

The fall. 

Chan jolts upright with a gasp that would have been a scream if his vocal cords were working. The house is, ultimately, destroyed, the grounds around it muddy and littered with bits of broken trees, but the quickly-lightening sky is no longer raging with lightning, and the only thunder he hears is distant where it rumbles towards the horizon. 

Chan quickly shakes out each of his limbs, but nothing feels broken. He was falling to what he was very, very certain was his death. 

You can do it, come on. 

A flash of white, so dazzling it was a lightsource in and of itself. Fierce, golden eyes. 

Hyunjin reaches him then – Chan realizes, dimly, that the others have managed to get down from the roof and are sprinting in his direction. 

“Is he okay?” Hyunjin gasps. “Why the fuck – he’s so stupid –”

“You’re okay? Chan, answer me!” Minho is there now, shaking Chan like the ragdoll he is. 

Chan looks down, and there Felix is. Soaking wet, blue at the lips, trembling from exertion and covered in mud. And on either side of him are two massive angel wings. 

“What the fuck,” he whispers. 

“Okay, he’s just in shock, I think,” Minho tells Changbin. 

“We need to get Lix-ah’s wings wrapped,” Changibn says. “Staff know we’re staying here, help could show up any second. 

“Here,” Hyunjin tears his sweatshirt off, leaving him in only the thinnest of tank tops, but if the cold bothers him, he doesn’t show it. Hyunjin gently helps Felix sit up and Changbin pulls the sweatshirt over his body. “We need something to hold them down.” 

“My robe!” Jisung says, immediately pulling the fabric tie from out of the loops. “We can tie it around his waist. It’ll be iffy, someone will have to stay nearby in case any feathers slip out.” 

“He can’t go to a hospital,” Seungmin murmurs.

“Let’s clean him up a bit, say he fainted-” 

Chan watches, open mouthed. 

“Sit down, come on,” Minho gently leads him to a fallen tree. Chan doesn’t have it in him to fight, just sinks into a crouch and drops his head between his knees. Minho rubs a soothing hand in circles on his back. “You’re okay, you’re okay.” 

I am not okay, Chan wants to scream. Felix has wings, and you’re all way too calm. 

He doesn’t see what the members do. He’s too busy trying not to hyperventilate. The world moves around him, and Chan wants to scream at everything to stop, at least for a second, so he can clear his head. Of course, that doesn’t happen. Instead, he tries not to pass out while the kids talk about wings and feathers and instincts, tries not to throw up when ambulances finally arrive and insist on checking Chan over, tries not to straight up scream when a car takes them to to a rental a kilometer away (built by the same architect, with half the rooms, but it wasn’t even touched by mudslide or flooding and the roof is very much intact). 

He tries and tries and tries until the EMTs and drivers and everyone but the managers is finally gone, and it’s just him and the members and an unconscious Felix, who Hyunjin whispers to like he’s praying to a god (huh, Chan thinks) before tucking him gently into one of the beds. 

Then, he snaps. 

“Hey,” he says, and everyone looks at him, because Chan uses his leader voice. “Lix has wings.” 

They all blink at each other, and say nothing. 

“His eyes glowed. He flew. He saved me.” 

“Yes,” Minho finally answers, de facto leader when Chan’s not around. 

Chan looks at every single member then. Jeongin seems to be looking anywhere but at Chan, whereas Seungmin seems to be studying Chan like a puzzle. Changbin gives Chan the smallest of nods and an encouraging smile, a stark contrast from Jisung who looks so anxious that Chan wonders whether they should send someone to pick up his medication from the house. Hyunjin seems like he’s only half in the room, like he left a part of him with Felix when he tucked him into bed. And Minho … Minho’s got his shoulders squared, chin high. Protective. Protecting Felix. 

“Felix has wings, and none of you seem particularly surprised,” Chan says slowly. Something cold – colder than the rainwater still soaked to his clothes – settles in his chest. 

Minho sighs and sits. “It feels wrong to talk about this. He wanted to tell you himself, kept trying to find a second alone.” 

So it’s true – everyone knows but Chan. 

“I didn’t know he could fly like that,” Changbin notes. 

“He can’t,” Jisung says. “Or, he couldn’t.” 

“What … what happened to him?” 

Minho taps his fingers on his leg for a few moments, clearly torn between answering Chan and having this conversation behind Felix’s back. Chan finds it a bit hard to empathize. “Clearly I’m the only one in the dark, and I’d appreciate that not be the case in whatever way you can help,” he says sternly. Minho winces. 

“He’s an angel–” 

“Don’t try to defend him, Minho, he kept this from me –”

“No, Chan, he’s literally an Angel, with a capitol A,” Minho cuts him off. 

Chan puts his head between his knees again. 

“Just tell him, Minho-hyung,” Jisung whimpers. “Just … Chan, please don’t be mad at him-” 

“I’m not mad, I’m hurt,” Chan says instinctively. “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t be too.”

Jisung deflates but nods his head. “No, you’re … you’re right. I would be hurt. Just … promise me you’ll hear him out, okay?” 

Chan glares at them as best he can. “Fine.” 

And then he rises and heads to Felix’s bedroom. He’s going to get the story one way or another. He can’t decide if it’s logical or spiteful that he wants Felix to have to tell it himself 

---

Felix blinks awake with pain in his back and the softest mattress he’s ever felt beneath him. He stretches like a cat, his wings flexing with him, and opens his eyes. 

He’s in one of the bedrooms. Thin morning sunlight, more white than gold, streams across the blanket, across his arms, and across the person sitting in a chair beside his bed. 

Chan stares out at the ocean. The notch of worry between his brows is deep, and his hand absently taps out when Felix imagines it to be a melody. He looks over, though, when he realizes Felix is awake. 

“Hyung,” Felix says raspily. He coughs at the dryness, and Chan immediately passes him a water bottle. 

“Careful, we’re not sure if you’re hurt.” 

Felix watches Chan as he drinks. His eyes catch repeatedly on Felix’s wings. 

“You can touch them, if you want,” Felix finally says. Chan does just that, reaching out and stroking the longest of his feathers. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Chan asks. 

Felix closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to cry, because he can tell Chan is upset, and he doesn’t want the leader to go easy on him just because of a few tears. 

“Because I’m a hypocrite,” Felix says, thinking back to their conversation on the balcony. Clearly, Chan picks up on the memory. 

“This is bigger than feeling stressed about a comeback, Felix. You have wings! And everyone else knew before me!” 

Chan’s voice cracks and Felix can’t keep his eyes closed a moment longer. He sees Chan bent in the middle, his fingers tight in his curls. Immediately, Felix sits up and pulls Chan’s hands into his own. Chan lets out a shaky, irritated breath, but doesn’t pull away. 

“What did they tell you?” Felix asks. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Chan says. “I want to hear it from you. Minho said you were going to tell me.” 

“On the balcony,” Felix confirms. “I wanted to before then, but …” 

“You didn’t want to stress me out?” Chan guesses, displeased. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispers. Chan doesn’t so much relax as he deflates. 

“Start talking, Felix. You owe me that much.” 

And talk Felix does. Starting with the car crash, and all the way up until the Hunter attack. He has so much of the story memorized by now, but he forces himself to rehash every single detail, no matter how much it hurts, because Chan is right: Felix does owe him that much. 

Chan, for all of his anger, starts to lose steam; the full context of Felix’s behavior before and during the suspension visibly affects him – he doesn’t say anything, but a breath espaces his lips that sounds close to a sob. Felix, like with the others, doesn’t out Wooyoung, but he does explain the instincts, the way they feel, and when Chan makes the connection between Felix’s instincts and his reaction to the Interviewers, he hums low in his throat. When he describes what he knows about his maturations, Chan looks a bit green. 

“I woke up this morning because I had a nightmare about my maturation,” Felix says, glad that Chan can at least be the first one to know about this. “I’m scared that I’ll keep remembering, or that I’ll remember how badly it hurts.” 

Felix explains the constant fear over what was happening with him, as well as the constant fear of being found out. He talks for nearly an hour, trying to give Chan a sense of how much secrecy there was, how we wasn’t sure what was happening, least of all what he should do. He explains how every single member came to find out about his wings, his rationale for hiding it, and then admits his wrongdoing. 

“You were so, so scared when I was suspended,” Felix says quietly, head hanging like it has for the last several minutes. “That morning when I had my conduct meeting, you looked like you hadn’t slept, and finding out that the company had been asking you about me? I couldn’t stand knowing that I put you through so much shit. I thought … well, I didn’t think, I guess. But at the time, I thought it would be better to wait until the album was at least out.” 

Chan, takes a breath and speaks, his first question: “Why? You know the others worry too, so what’s different with me?”

“Everything,” Felix says immediately. “Minho feels better when he has a task – feeding me, helping me physically recover, helping me figure out how to hide my wings. That made him feel better, and I could give him that. Seungmin feels better when he has all the facts, so it made sense for him to help brainstorm about my instincts. Jisung was spiraling when I told him, and we’ve always felt comfortable just being next to each other, so showing him my wings when he was panicking was a no brainer. Jeongin was worried because he didn’t see me changing my behavior, so I knew he needed to see proof of what was changing – that’s why I wanted to spend the evening with him. Changbin’s a protector, even though I hadn’t planned to show him the way I did, it was right for what would help him believe me; he had an emergency he was able to solve.” 

Felix sighs when he feels his ears turn pink. “And Hyunjin … Hyunjin I had to avoid, right? He was the one I was hurting the most at the time. He just wanted honesty. I could give him that.” 

“But you, hyung,” Felix finally looks up at Chan, watching him with discernment. “You don’t just worry, you agonize. Your baseline is concern and protection and care. I was scared that if I gave you this-” Felix gestures to his wings “- as a problem, you’d get swallowed by it.” 

“I seem to remember telling you that you don’t get to decide when we worry about you,” Chan says, but his voice has lost some of its ire. 

“I know,” Felix says. Now that he’s at the end of his story, the tears are starting to prickle at his eyes. 

“I think Angel Hunters and a near death surgery are very good things to worry about.” 

“I know.” 

Chan sighs and rubs his eyes, but then he takes Felix’s hands in his. 

“You … you were really, really scared for a while there, weren’t you sunshine?” 

And Felix feels his eyes well with tears. “I really was,” he chokes. 

Chan moves to the bed and pulls Felix tight against him. “I’m so sorry, hyung, I didn’t want to leave you to last,” Felix sobs. “I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you, and then when I was ready, there was no time.” 

“Hyung’s sorry too,” Chan rocks him gently. “I know I didn’t know what was going on with you, but it sounds like I said some things that made things worse.”

“S’not your fault.” 

“Maybe,” Chan pulls back and wipes away Felix’s tears, “we’re both a little at fault.” 

Felix nods. Chan’s hands travel from his cheeks to his wings. 

“You saved me, you know? The others said you hadn’t flown before, and then you go and throw yourself off a cliff.” 

“I’d do it again,” Felix says. And Chan … well, Chan sees it, then: how true that is for Felix. It clicks into place a bit. He genuinely thought that Chan would suffer by knowing about Felix’s wings. He’d been watching Chan so carefully, cataloging every moment of stress that had been building on Chan’s shoulders. He still wishes Felix had been honest earlier, but … well, he and Felix really are hypocrites in a similar way. Chan might have done the exact same thing.

“You’ve got a real martyr complex, you know that?” Chan says. “Someone’s gotta look out for you too, make sure you don’t throw yourself into a volcano on the off chance it could stop Jeongin from getting a papercut.” 

Felix’s lips twitch up into the ghost of a smile. Chan’s chest tightens. He wants to see Felix smile again, wants to climb into his head and pick out every bad memory of the past month. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” Chan tells Felix. Felix’s lower lip trembles, his eyes flickering to the floor even though he nods. “No, Lix, I mean it. I still wish you’d told me, I’m a little hurt that I was the last one, and I’m probably going to have a trillion more questions, but I love you so much more than anything you could ever do to me.” 

“Still hurt you,” Felix says. “You can stay mad at me even though shitty things happened to me. Because of me.” 

“I hurt you too, and you forgave me, right?” 

“Y-yeah,” Felix sighs. 

“Then we can make a deal. Since we both,” Chan rolls his eyes and there it is, another small Felix-smile, “have martyr complexes, we’ll try to let our guards down with each other. I’ll try to go to you when things get too much, and you’ll do the same.” 

Finally, Felix seems to relax a bit. “Yeah, I like that.” 

“Are you feeling okay enough to go downstairs?” Chan asks, sitting up. 

“I think so,” Felix stands cautiously. He winces a bit when he rolls his shoulders. “My wings feel like they’re made of jello.” 

“They did carry two people,” Chan shrugs. He can’t quite explain why, but seeing Felix with the wings somehow feels more normal than recalling him without them. “C’mon, let’s go downstairs, we’ve got work to do.” 

“We do?” Felix asks. Chan grins. 

“You didn’t think you were getting out of this totally unscathed right? If you’re going to be protecting all of us, we need to come up with a way to protect you.” 

 

When they finally make it to the living room – longer than should have been necessary, but Chan insists on helping Felix down the stairs in case his legs suddenly give out – it’s to a round of applause. 

“Finally!” Changbin groans dramatically. “Ugh, you have no idea how exhausting it was to keep Angel-shit a secret!” 

“Finally?” Seungmin scoffs. “I was the first one to know, you found out on Saturday!” 

“I’m just glad you’ll be able to have your wings out more often,” Minho says. “It can’t be good, having them bound so often.” 

“Yeah, it … it all worked out. No harm, no foul, right?” Felix beams. 

Hyunjin’s eyes twitch. 

“I can’t believe you flew like that!” Jeongin gushes. “It was so cool!” 

“I guess all it takes is a near death experience for Felix to turn into a badass,” Seungmin teases. 

Hyunjin’s fist tightens out his water bottle. 

Felix snorts. “If you think I’m so cool, I guess I can jump off the roof for you too, Minnie-” 

“That’s not funny.” 

Hyunjin’s voice is sharp, but his eyes are wide and panicked. The smiles vanish. 

“Jinnie?” Felix asks. Hyunjin shakes his head again. 

“Felix, you jumped off a roof and off a cliff.”

“I had to,” Felix says quickly, like there truly was no other option. 

“I know,” Hyunjin says. “I’m glad you did-” he looks to Chan now and blinks away what might be tears. “-but you shouldn’t joke about it! God, you didn’t see what it looked like, but you’re not stupid enough to-” 

Hyunjin stops himself with an intake of breath that sounds more like a rattle. Felix gasps too, but the sound of it is wet, and tears pour generously over his eyes. 

“Jinnie,” Felix says again, his voice small and scared. 

“I didn’t mean - you’re not stupid,” Hyunjin stutters and stumbles. There’s a tremble in his shoulders. “Just … give me a second.” 

And then he’s out of the room. 

---

Jisung is very, very good at reading between the lines, and thankfully some of his members are about as subtle as an explosion; or a tree crashing on top of a house. 

“He’s just upset, Bbokie,” Minho is promising Felix. His twin smiles, but his eyes are sad enough that Jisung half-expectects Sarah McLachlan to start crooning. 

“I know, Jinnie would never actually call me stupid,” Felix says with such certainty that Jisung wants to coo. “He’s probably just scared?” 

Jisung doesn’t think it’s that simple. He’s been watching Hyunjin as much as he’s been watching Felix. Because for every fake smile and new tear track on Felix’s face, he would find a white-knuckled fist and furrowed brow in Hyunjin. Jisung doesn’t announce that he’s leaving, just nods to his boyfriend, who nods back, and quietly creeps to the back of the house. 

It’s almost identical to their first house save the reduction in bedrooms, including the back patio and pool. Hyunjin is barely visible -- just the top of his head visible from where he’s apparently crouched behind a large flower bush. Jisung opens the door, walks past the pool, and freezes when he sees Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin, who is hugging himself so tightly he’s shaking, who has his face pressed against his knees, which are drawn up against his chest. 

“Jinnie?” Jisung whispers. Hyunjin jumps and looks up with a sharp gasp. Jisung’s shock is immediately replaced with concern as he walks gingerly around the shrubbery and sits next to him. “What’s wrong?” Hyunjin shakes his head. Jisung sighs. “You don’t know?” 

Hyunjin just shakes his head again. 

“Okay, why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Why are you being nice to me,” Hyunjin croaks. “I snapped at Lixie after he literally almost died saving Chan.” 

Jisung tilts his head left to right and back again. “I really, really hate seeing Lix cry. It feels wrong, ya know? He’s just too sweet for his own good, and when he was dealing with all the angel maturation stuff … I felt like I was half-way to a panic attack all the time.” 

“Where are you going with this?” Hyunjin sniffles. “I already feel like shit.” 

Jisung purses his lips and then frowns. “Because the whole time I was losing my shit, you were losing your shit ten times worse. I haven’t told Lix what you were like during his suspension because, frankly, I’m scared of what his instincts would do. But what I do know is that if I hate Lix crying, you really, really hate it.” 

Hyunjin swallows thickly. That same, hot feeling of … something churns in his stomach. 

“Ji,” he says. “What are you getting at?” 

Jisung gently knocks Hyunjin’s hands out of his face. “You made Lix cry, and then you left. Whatever’s eating at you’s gotta be pretty big, and I don’t want to watch you hide away from all of us because you’re too nervous to talk about your feelings–”

“He wouldn’t move,” Hyunjin interrupts Jisung. “When the mudslide was coming at us, he wouldn’t move. I ended up having to carry him, and all I kept thinking was, ‘I’m never letting him out of my sight.’ I guess it’s always been like that, but even since Lix got his wings, I feel like I spend hours worrying about where he is and how he’s doing, whether or not he’s happy or just faking it for someone else’s sake. And he would hate that so much, you know how he is, but I just … can’t help it.” 

Hyunjin clears his throat and takes a deep breath. Jisung wordlessly passes him the bottle of water he’d been carrying and lets Hyunjin drink. “After everything – the wings and the instincts and the hunters – I thought … surely, it shouldn’t scare me to see him in danger, right? I mean, he clearly has some kind of defensive instinct. But then I saw him jump off of that fucking cliff and I … I …”

Jisung’s gentle concern morphs into something far too close to empathy for Hyunjin’s comfort. But at the same time, that empathy – being seen. 

“You and Minho were best friends,” Hyunjin barely breathes the question. 

“Still are,” Jisung says. “That part – that part doesn’t have to change.” 

The two look at each other for a long time, the common ground solidifying as they dance around the subject without really speaking to it.

“But he loved you back,” Hyunjin says. “If he hadn’t …”

“Believe me, I played that part over and over again in my head, but at the end of the day, someone told me that if we were truly best friends, if we truly cared about each other as much as we said, then we’d be able to overcome anything, including unrequited love.” 

“Who said that?” Hyunjin asks. Jisung raises a brow and Hyunjin laughs, though it’s a brittle laugh at best. “Of course. Lix.” 

“Why are you asking about me and Minho being best friends?” Jisung asks. But damn him, Hyunjin thinks, because he clearly knows. 

“How did you know you weren’t just best friends?” 

“Jinnie …” Jisung sighs. Hyunjin unfurls himself and closes his eyes, face burning.

“Because I’m guessing it’s not normal to paint your best friend until your fingers bleed,” Hyunjin whispers. “Or to think about them twenty-four seven? Or to want to beg them to stop putting themselves in harm's way for more than five seconds? Or … feel like the world is colorless without them around? ” 

When he opens his eyes again, Jisung is smiling, tears in his eyes. “It’s normal if you’re also rather hopelessly in love with your best friend.” 

And even though the thought has been rattling relentlessly in Hyunjin’s skull since the early hours of the morning, hearing the notion spoken aloud is like being shocked with a taser. He laughs once, then sobs, then laughs again. 

“Fuck, I am, aren’t I?” 

Jisung shrugs and wipes away the errant tear that has managed to escape down Hyunjin’s cheek. 

“I … I have been for a while, haven’t I?” 

“I can’t tell you that,” Jisung says. “But if your very painful and obvious pining has anything to say? Jin, I think you’ve been in love with him since debut.” 

Hyunjin runs his fingers through his short hair. “How is it that I’ve been in love with him for years but I’m only finding out just now.” 

“We’re idols, it’s not like we have time to date,” Jisung says. “Besides … it’s not like your relationship with Lix looks like friendship? None of us do, I guess, we all cuddle too much-”

“Ji,” Hyunjin redirects him.

“Right, sorry. What I mean is – if you asked anyone on the street to watch a single interaction between you and Lix, they’d probably assume you’d been dating for years. Maybe the reason you haven't realized you’re in love with him is because so many of the boundaries between platonic and romantic have been blurred from the very beginning. And maybe the reason you snapped at him was because you didn’t want to admit the truth to him? The truth about why you’re so scared, even though you know he can protect himself?” 

Hyunjin feels himself go very red. “Does everyone know that I’m ...?” 

“Yes,” Jisung answers immediately. Hyunjin pales. 

“Lix too?” 

Jisung’s face breaks into a smile. “You’re actually lucky. You’ve managed to fall for the only person on the planet more oblivious than you, with even more of a ‘he doesn’t deserve me’ complex.” 

“That’s stupid,” Hyunjin says automatically. “Anyone would be lucky to have Lix.” 

Jisung laughs. “Including you, dumbass.” 

“I … I can’t risk losing him,” Hyunjin bites back a whimper of fear at the thought. 

“Jinnie, you won’t,” Jisung sighs. “You should tell him. Trust me.” 

Hyunjin sighs and flops onto his back. “I don’t know, Ji. He has so much going on – Jung is being a complete dick to him, he just told Chan and we both know that conversation wasn’t easy, we’re about to go on tour, and he just found out there’s a magical fucking bell that can make him lose all control of his body. I don’t want to put my feelings onto him too.” 

Jisung sighs and flops next to him, their heads inches away. Hyunjin turns to look Jisung in the eye. “I wish you both weren’t such dumbasses.”

“You know I bet your boyfriend gives Lix sweet pep talks, and this is what I get for baring my soul to you? Sass?” 

“Talk to my boyfriend then,” Jisung snorts. “But you wouldn’t like that. You don’t like that kind of comfort.” 

“True,” Hyunjin says. “I’ll … let me take a few days to figure out what to do. I feel … it’s a lot.” 

“I think that’s more than fair,” Jisung says, growing more gentle. “You did just realize that you’re in love with your best friend.” 

Hyunjin groans again and closes his eyes. “Fuck.” 

“Sounds about right, but it could be worse,” Jisung says. Hyunjing gives him a scathing side eye. “It could be someone other than Lix.” 

There was never anyone else, Hyunjin thinks to myself. 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“Jinnie?” 

Felix’s voice calls from the house, and Hyunjin is on his feet in a second. Jisung pops up to see Hyunjin sprint to the door, wrap Felix in his arms, and murmur something in his ear that Jisung can’t hear but seems like a shattered apology. Felix’s expression softens and his arms rise to hug Hyunjin back. Minho passes the two with an exaggerated fake gag that Jisung is still laughing at when his boyfriend drapes his arm over his shoulder. 

“So, what the hell was all that?” Minho asks. Jisung raises a brow and grins at the still hugging couple. 

“Believe it or not? Progress.” 

Notes:

I love Chanlix because they’re the same martyr complex in different fonts.

I love love love Hyunjin + feelings too. I wanted his obliviousness to not be due to denseness, but due to how close he and Lix have always been. I imagine being so close to your best friend would make the line between friends and more a little blurry.

Up next: an actual beach episode, Hyunjin + feelings, and life with seven body guards.

Chapter 12: can i be the one? (yeah, i’ll be the one)

Summary:

Channie: Is anyone in the dorm with Hyunjin? Felix is sprinting there now.
Jisung: IS IT HAPPENING???

(Hyunjin is a little scared; Felix gets a little braver)

Notes:

Hi angels <3

Plot what plot!! I only know fluff (at least for now …)

Soooo I’m not like thrilled with this chapter? Some of the scenes have been written since the very beginning (you can guess which) but at the end of the day I still rewrote it like 80 times.

I’m hoping I just have imposter syndrome and that yall will actually like it/it’ll love up to the build!

EDITED TO ADD: I made a playlist that is relevant to this chapter!
~feathers~

And if anyone’s interested, here’s the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this fic!
air beneath (my wings)

The beach is pristine, ocean bright blue beneath a clear, sunshiney sky. The sand – littered with driftwood and blown leaves the night before – has been washed clean by the tide, and the sand looks almost soft, fading from a pristine white to a mocha brown where foamy waves lap at the shore. 

Seven figures amble loudly and clumsily down the wooden staircase built into the side of the cliff. They take turns pushing each other, rough housing like puppies one second then pulling each other into side hugs and head pats the other. They lug towels, a couple beach chairs, and an umbrella with them, and they argue over who has to carry the massive cooler down the shore, but eventually they settle on a patch of sand (after much deliberation). They pass out beers and lay out towels before laying facing not the ocean, but the cliffside. 

“Alright, sunshine, we’re ready for you!” 

Chan shades his eyes with his hands, eyes narrowed up at the rocky edge. He gasps a little when Felix steps forward, his wings glowing where the sunlight passes through the feathers. With the sun directly behind him, Chan can easily imagine it’s a halo illuminating his windswept blonde hair. 

“This is a bad idea,” Hyunjin whispers loudly. Jisung elbows him in the stomach. 

“He’ll be fine, remember?” 

Hyunjin huffs but still calls out to Felix. “You can do it, Angel!” 

Felix’s wings flutter and preen, making the group glance knowingly at each other, save Hyunjin, who has eyes for no one but Felix. 

Felix takes a step back, disappearing from view. When he reemerges, it’s at a sprint. And even though Chan knows what’s about to happen, a primal part of him has a very strong urge to scream–

But then Felix flings himself over the edge, arms gracefully poised like a diver, and the wind catches beneath his wings. He slices through the air, across the sand and towards the ocean, turning and spiraling with a joyful laugh. 

“Wow,” Jisung says breathlessly. 

“That’s so fucking cool,” Jeongin says. He jumps to his feet and yells. “Fuck yeah, hyung!” 

“Language, Innie,” Chan snorts. 

“I’m on vacation, hyung,” Jeongin sighs, flicking his glasses over his eyes and grinning. 

Felix flaps his wings, soaring higher and higher. Hyunjin genuinely looks a bit ill and Chan can’t help but squeeze his shoulder. 

“He’s okay.” 

“I know,” Hyunjin scoffs. “Of course I know that.” 

“I have to agree with Jinnie,” Minho has his head hanging between his knees. “My heart can’t take this. We never should have let him leave the dorms. He’s an indoor cat.” 

At least that drags a laugh out of Hyunjin. Chan watches him, watches the way his eyes can’t help but track Felix’s every movement. He spots Jisung watching too, and when their eyes meet, Jisung raises an eyebrow. 

Interesting. 

Felix finally decides that he’s gone high enough into the air, it seems. He promised that he’d find his way back to earth as soon as the ache in his shoulders started to reach a fever pitch. At the peak of his climb, he lets himself hang for just a moment, head tilted back towards his namesake (or nicknamesake). 

And then he tilts himself forward, wings flat to the side, and soars towards the ocean in a wide spiral. He rights himself just before he hits the water, letting the momentum carry him parallel to the ocean, close enough that he can reach a hand down and drag his finger through the water. 

When he reaches the sand, he flaps his wings once more to give himself a little bit of height and to slow his speed. It works, and he seems to hover for just a moment before he lands delicately to his feet. 

“Do a flip next time,” Seungmin deadpans. Felix narrows his eyes and uses his right wing tip to flick a bit of sand in Seugnmin’s beer. 

It’s their last day, and they’re all more than ready to soak up the sun and each other’s company. Yesterday was long and tense – their morning did begin at four AM with a tree almost crushing them, after all – and the day, while quiet, was filled with logistics. 

---

The first thing Chan had done was hug every single member, chug a cup of coffee, and pull Minho aside. Felix had watched anxiously, Hyunjin’s hand on his keeping him grounded in place. 

“Are you okay?” Minho had asked. 

“I don’t know,” Chan sighed. “I think so? It’s just all …” 

Chan threw his hands in the air. 

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Minho agreed. 

“You were with him,” Chan said. “When he matured, or whatever.” 

“I was,” Minho said. He’d braced himself, expecting a lecture about secret keeping; instead, Chan pulled him into a backbreaking hug. 

“Thank you,” Chan whispered brokenly. “Thank you for taking care of him.” 

“Of course,” Minho whispered back. “Always.” 

“He said he woke up this morning from a nightmare. He said he’s starting to remember what happened.” 

Minho blanched. “God, no.” 

Chan pulled away. “Be honest with me, Min. How bad was it? How bad are … things in general.” 

Minho had sighed and wandered over to the fridge to grab the bottle of soju. 

---

By the time Chan and Minho reemerged, Felix was practically bouncing out of his skin with nerves. Minho had simply walked over to him, plopped onto the ground, and pulled Felix into his lap. 

“Yikes,” Seungmin said. 

Minho, not displacing Felix in the slightest, took off his shoe and threw it at Seungmin’s head.

Chan had ordered them a veritable feast of food and called a team meeting. 

“So, obviously there are some things to consider that might be worth talking about.”

“There are?” Felix whimpered. He’d had his wings out all morning, and the members could see just how reactive they were to his emotions. At that moment, they’d curled protectively around him like they were hugging him. 

“Given the fact that two people tried to presumably kidnap you on Sunday night, yes,” Chan said candidly. 

Felix whimpered again, hiding his face in his knees. Hyunjin shot Chan a reproachful look. 

“Minho and I were talking about it, and it seems like the Hunters don’t know who Felix is. Lix, do you have any sense of the contrary?” 

“No,” Felix said after thinking for a moment. “Otherwise they probably would have gone to the company, or at least tried to find me when I was by myself.” 

A shiver goes through everyone in the room, save Felix. 

“That’s the first order of business,” Chan claps his hands together. “Welcome, gentlemen, to ABS.” 

The members blink at him. 

“Abs?” Changbin echoes. Minho nods next to Chan, the both of them looking like proud parents. Seungmin and Jeongin glance at each other, obviously struggling to disguise their giggles, but Minho and Chan pay them no mind. 

“ABS. A-B-S. The Angel Bodyguard Squad,” Chan clarifies.

“Oh my God,” Felix groans. Hyunjin snorts. 

“It’s pretty clear that whatever bell the Hunter had is the biggest threat, and if what you guys overheard is true, it has a pretty wide reach. If someone is always with Felix, then there’s less risk of him being overpowered by it.” 

“More like ‘Angel Babysitting Squad’,” Felix grumbled. 

“Aish, say thank you to your hyungs for wanting to keep you alive,” Minho tsks. Felix juts out his lower lip and blinks big, brown eyes in their direction. 

“I’m sorry, thank you, hyungs.” 

Chan and Minho melt with identical coos. 

“He’s literally the devil,” Seungmin pointed at his roommate. 

“Second thing – we need to make sure we keep the wings a secret. So far, we’ve been successful, right?” 

“Definitely,” Hyunjin said seriously. 

“We’re getting ready to go on tour,” Chan says. “That means long days, dressing rooms, costume changes, interviews. It means your wings,” Chan nods at Felix, “are going to be bound for hours.” 

“That’s fine,” Felix says, but his wings twitch in protest. Felix bats the feathers dismissively. 

“So close, it’s actually not fine,” Minho corrects him with a grin. 

“Yeah, Lix, you don’t want a repeat of what happened on the workout bench during the middle of a concert,” Changbin reminds him.

“We’re going to need a schedule to make sure that Lix is stretching his wings enough,” Chan nods. He pulls out a small notebook, one he uses for stray lyrics, and adds that to what the others can see if a long list. 

“What about Jung?” Hyunjin asks. Felix tenses at the name, and Chan narrows his eyes. So does everyone else. 

“What about Jung, Bbokie?” Minho hisses. Felix murmurs something to the ground and Hyunjin sighs. 

“Jung gave Felix a new meal plan. Between him saying his top didn’t fit at the interviews and the extra weight of his wings, they’re threatening weigh-ins.” 

It’s silent for a moment. 

Then the kitchen explodes. 

“What an asshole!” Jisung yells. 

“I knew he seemed like a snake,” Changbin tuts. 

“Why didn’t you say something!” Chan gasps. “Is that why you were so upset in the car?” 

Minho just deflates. Felix’s eyes find his. 

“Do you … have you been following it?” Minho asks quietly. The others grow quiet, perhaps sensing the tenderness of his conversation. 

Are you restricting again? Do you like that they gave you the meal plan? Felix can hear the subtext as clear as day. 

“No,” he says. “I … I can’t afford to follow it.” 

I don’t want to be sick again. I don’t want to disappoint you. 

“He can’t know, though,” Felix says. “I don’t know what to do. If I don’t lose weight, if they send back to the doctor-”

“We’ll figure it out,” Chan promises. 

---

It turns out that feathers are surprisingly helpful for swimming. 

Felix darts under the water with Chan. They both take to it like fishes, like the Aussie boys they are. Felix can use his feathers to propel himself, to dart through the currents and spin in the waves. He’s also admittedly clumsy. Chan chases him, laughter bubbling to the surface as he tugs at Felix’s feathers. It’s child’s play, literally tag, and they’re both giggling and waterlogged at the end of their swim. 

Hyunjin and Changbin quickly join them for a game of bastardized chicken. Felix is quickly evicted when he uses his wings to knock Hyunjin off of Changbin’s shoulders, so he plays referee with Minho, though trying to referee what turns into a six-person match of chicken is more difficult than expected. 

Eventually, the maknae line goes to poke around the tide pools, the hyung line opting to drink and lay out on the beach. Felix caves and plays innocent distraction while Jisung, Seungmin, and Jeongin drop several hermit crabs into the bag of chips Changbin is eating, then pretends he was innocent in the whole thing when Chan lectures them about respecting wildlife. 

He only breaks to show them that their shells were, in fact, empty. 

Changbin chases them around the beach for twenty minutes. 

When the sun starts to set, Felix rises to walk along the shore. His wings hang heavy and tired, but pleasantly so, on his back, the feathers tracing small patterns in the wet sand as he goes. Soon enough, he feels a presence join him, then watches a long shadow approach him. 

His feathers flutter, and that’s all the sign he needs to know who’s next to him. 

“Hi, Jinnie,” he says. 

“Brought you one of those spiked iced teas you like,” Hyunjin hands him a bottle. Hyunjin tilts his head up towards the sun. “I know we’re objectively some of the luckiest in the world, but is it bad that I kind of want to stay here?” 

“No,” Felix says. “I don’t either. Why do you want to stay?” 

“It’s just so beautiful,” Hyunjin gestures to the land around them. “I love Seoul, I do, but sometimes I wish we could live out in nature. Maybe I could actually hear myself think every once in a while.” 

“With that lot?” Felix gestures to the other members; as if on cue, a raucous round of yelling floats through the air. “But I get what you mean. I could see you out here, somewhere peaceful. You’d have one of those beachy studios and rich tourists would buy all of your art.” 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin laughs. “What about you?” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, what are you doing out here?” 

Felix blushes at the thought. “Maybe open a bakery? Next door to your gallery of course.” 

“Of course.” 

Felix loses himself to the fantasy, just a bit, and admits. “And I’d have a house away from everyone else on the island.” 

Hyunjin stops walking. “Really? You love people, though?” 

“Yeah, but if I was alone, I could fly,” Felix says as dreamily as he does sadly. “I wouldn’t have to hide anything. I wouldn’t have to worry about people thinking about me differently, you know?” 

“Oh,” Hyunjin says. “I … I’m sorry, Lix.” 

Felix turns with a pout. “Wait, why are you sad?” 

“Because you have to hide,” Hyunjin frowns. “You shouldn’t have to.” 

“It’s okay,” Felix sighs. “I … I’m also fine hiding if it means I get to keep being an idol. I genuinely can’t imagine anything better, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin smiles. “I know what you mean.” 

Felix closes his eyes to the setting sun and, when he speaks, sounds close to prayer. “I hope that when we get back, nothing changes. I hope we’re like this forever.” 

And finally, Felix turns to look at him, smiling and joyful and–

Hyunjin seems to choke. Felix’s smile falls. “Are you okay?” 

“Y-yeah,” Hyunjin looks to the ground. “Just thirsty, I guess. C’mon, I’ll race you.” 

Felix doesn’t know why Hyunjin won’t look him in the eye, but he’s always down for a chase. “You’re on.” 

---

They sleep in the living room again, far too late a bedtime for their pre-dawn wake up, but they get to be reckless on the last night of vacation (or so claims Jeongin). Hyunjin watches Felix drift towards the bathroom in his pajamas (a matching short and top set with tiny little angel cats printed on it and slits for his wings, courtesy of Minho), sinks next to Jisung, and sighs. 

“I know that sigh,” Jisung murmurs. 

“I’m fucked,” Hyunjin says. “I’m so absolute fucked.” 

“Lix shit?” 

“Mhmm,” Hyunjin groans. “I made it through a whole conversation and then he looked at me, and I forgot how to swallow.” 

“Ask him out.” 

“I can’t!” Hyunjin says. “At the beach today, he told me that he doesn’t want anything to change.”

“Between you two?” Jisung asks. 

“No, just in general. I think he knows the wings inherently affect his day to day life, and I know he doesn’t particularly like it, but I think his biggest fear is that our relationships with him are going to change. I don’t want to confuse him now that we all know, now that we’re gonna be basically stalking him all day.” 

“Not stalking,” Jisung says. “I mean, you’re not gonna follow him to the vending machines, right?” Hyunjin’s face turns stormy. “Or maybe you will.” 

“Point it, I don’t want to be around him if all I’m going to do is gawk at him like a lovesick teenager – what if he thinks it’s because he’s an angel? I have to give him time to adjust to being an angel and an idol, I can’t throw this at him too!” 

Minho starts to enter the room but freezes when he sees Hyunjin flopped like a starfish on the couch. Jisung rolls his eyes at his boyfriend. “Let me get this straight: you don’t want Felix to think that you’re treating him differently because he’s an angel, and you’re worried that the big fat crush you came to terms with 72 hours ago is going to make you act like an idiot in front of him?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin sighs. Behind him, Minho mimes hitting himself in the head.

“And to not act like said idiot in front of him, you’re going to, what, try not to be alone with him?” 

“Yeah!” Hyunjin says, “Exactly!” 

Minho mimes vomiting. 

“To conclude,” Jisung says, dry and deadpanned, “In order to treat Lix the same way you treated him pre-wing, you’re going to try to avoid him.” 

“Yeah! Wait – no. Kind of,” Hyunjin splutters. 

Minho mimes shooting himself in the head, turns on his heel, and stalks down the hall to the bedrooms.

“Don’t hurt his feelings, Jin,” Jisung warns. “Space is one thing, ignoring him is another.” 

“Hey, I’ve basically been the leader of ABS since I met Lix,” Hyunjin scoffs. “I’ll be around him a ton. He won’t even notice the space.” 

Jisung flops onto his back. “Sure, Hyunjin. Totally.” 

Hyunjin’s hands fiddle with the small notebook in his hands, an idea coming to mind. 

---

You looked so cute when you were asleep on the plane. Even though you were drooling. 

I wish we could stay in Jeju forever. 

---

They land in Seoul at 7:30 AM and race back to the company for a 9:30 AM rehearsal. It could be worse: they’re supremely well rested, still riding the high of their vacation, and excited rather than burnt out. 

Prepping for concerts is a full time job on top of being idols. They’re still expected to take part in promotions, as well as solo obligations, while simultaneously dancing from what feels like dawn til dusk. They have to dutifully train their bodies for hours and hours and stamina, prepare the interim ad lib skits and goofiness that will surely devolve into chaos no matter how many suggested scripts are pushed their way, and they have to make sure they can still sing at the end of three hours of excited screaming. 

And on top of all of that, a brand new group chat is born, separate from the usual ‘7 kids 1 dad’ chat. 

ABS

Channie: Lix, what time do you have PT today?” 

 

Felix sighs and accidentally drops his phone on his face. 

 

Lixie: awefaijsdvasldj 

Channie: ???? 

Minnie: ?????????

Know: !!!?!?! 

Lixie: sorry i dropped my phone 

Lixie: on my face 

Innie: rip 

Lixie: it’s in 15 mins kill me plz 

Channie: !!!!!!!! 

Minnie: Lix I’ll go with you. 

 

Felix groans again and navigates to his chat with Seungmin. 

 

Kitty: u really don’t have to, it’s so early and i know u were up late 

 

A moment later, the ABS chat pings to life. Felix gasps when he sees that Seungmin has attached a screenshot of the text Felix just sent him. 

 

Minnie: Bad Angel! Demon behavior. 

Channie: Lix … 

Lixie: ugh fine i’ll be ready to go in five

---

You always look so cozy after rehearsals, like you’re about to fall asleep standing up. I think I understand cuteness aggression.

---

It’s been days of this. Constant companionship. Felix loves it – being around his members 24/7 is kind of his deal – but he also hates the guilt he feels. He knows that their schedules are packed as is, and having to babysit him only takes up precious time the members could spend resting. 

Don’t you dare feel guilty about this, Chan had told him. Felix is pretty sure that Chan knew then it wouldn’t make a difference. 

Rationally, Felix knows it’s not the biggest sacrifice. For the most part, he’s usually going to the company for group rehearsals, whether those groups be small or large. It’s easy to meet a member at the door and walk (or drive) with them to JYPE. 

There’s just one thing bugging him… 

“I think Hyunjin’s avoiding me,” Felix tells Seungmin as they walk to the company. Seungmin raises his eyebrows. 

“Didn’t he walk you home last night?” 

“Yeah, but he didn’t talk that much. I swear he ran away as soon as he got me to the door,” Felix says. “And he’s not responding to my texts. ” 

Felix shoves his phone at Seungmin, revealing several lines of unanswered messages. Seungmin actually pauses at that. 

“Weird,” he admits. “He’s probably just busy. You’re overthinking again.” 

“Hmmph,” Felix grunts. “You’re no help.” 

“You’re a brat.” 

---

Changbin thinks I’m losing it – caught me watching the Taste music video at two in the morning because I can’t stop thinking about you, so now I look like a weird egotistical asshole. 

---

When Felix finishes his PT, he’s planning on dropping by the cafe to pick up coffee for all the members. He’s done it before, but now he wants to make sure that the members know he appreciates all their efforts. 

He gets in line at the cafe and browses his phone for a bit before someone taps him on the shoulder. It’s Jung. 

“Oh, hi Jung-ssi,” Felix bows a bit. 

“Yongbok, you’re looking rested,” their manager nods back. 

“Thank you for arranging the trip, it was very relaxing,” Felix says automatically. “Well, except the tree thing, but everything else was amazing.”

“I’m sure,” Jung smiles. “I’m glad I caught you – the staff at Louis Vuitton reached out, they’re hoping to send a few representatives to get you and a few other local models fitted for the show coming up.” 

Felix feels his stomach drop. Jung cocks his head, and Felix plasters a smile on his face. “Of course, I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Hmm, good. They seem quite fond of you there, it’s good to have that kind of positive relationship.” 

“I love working for LV,” Felix says honestly, even as a sadness threatens to drag him down. “Nicolas has always been very nurturing of my love for fashion.” 

“Good,” Jung nods. His phone buzzes and his brows raise. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak with the security teams. Lots to prep, lots of travel.” 

Felix numbly orders the coffees and heads back to the rehearsal room on autopilot. By the time he’s reached the door, he’s already halfway to mourning his fashion career. He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t see Hyunjin meeting him at the door. 

“Were you alone?” Hyunjin asks in lieu of a greeting. Felix jumps, startled out of his thoughts and nearly drops the coffees. 

“I just went to get everyone drinks at the cafe,” Felix hands Hyunjin an Americano. Hyunjin takes a sip but his eyes narrow. 

“You should take someone with you,” he scolds. 

“Jinnie, a Hunter isn’t going to get me while I’m inside the company.” 

“Why not?” Hyunjin asks. “What’s to stop them from getting inside and bringing that bell along with them?” 

Felix doesn’t really have an answer for that. A chill rakes up his spine. “I didn’t think about that.” 

Hyunjin sighs, looking torn about something, and whatever it is, Felix wants to reach into Hyunjin’s head and toss it away. Instead, Hyunjin drops to the ground, roots around in his backpack, and pulls out his headphones – large, over the ear, studio grade. He rises, face red, and positions them carefully over Felix’s ears before pressing a small button on the side. 

For a moment, Felix panics, because the absence of sound is so similar to the time-freezes he experiences during danger. But he can see that everything is still moving, and quickly realizes that Hyunjin has turned on the noise cancellation feature.

Felix blinks up at him, watching Hyunjin’s lips (fuck, his lips) moving around words he can’t hear. Then he feels his eyes sting with tears that don’t quite build. This time, he makes out Hyunjin’s mouthed words. Are you okay?

Felix pulls the headphones over his neck. “So I can’t hear the bell?” 

Hyunjin drops his gaze again, and his ears go a bit pink. “Yeah.” 

“But what about you? You always use these when noises get to be too much-”

“Lix,” Hyunjin cuts him off. “Take the help. Please. For me.” 

Please, for me. Felix is a weak, weak man. 

“Okay,” Felix whispers, moving forward intent on hugging the life out of Hyunjin, but Hyunjin stiffens, eyes wide and face very red. “Uh, go inside. I’m going to run to the bathroom.” 

And Felix watches, bewildered, as Hyunjin sprints away – not even remotely in the direction of the bathrooms. The doubt creeps back in, and Felix stares down at the headphones again.

“What the fuck?” 

---

2 bad bitches

Min: Dude, why the fuck are you avoiding Lix?

Jin: I’m not! I was literally the only one who realized he went to get coffee ALONE! 

Min: a: the cafe is a two second walk from the practice rooms

Min: b: I saw you!! You basically stalked him, he tried to hug u, and you ran away. 

Jin: I’M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING OKAY 

---

I know you’re safe at the company, for the most part. I just can’t fathom what life looks like if you’re not in it. 

I liked seeing you in my headphones, too. Bet you’d look cute in my clothes. But that’s besides the point. 

---

What did I do? Felix wonders for the next day. He can’t prove that Hyunjin is avoiding him, but a newfound distance seems to be physically spreading between them. The problem is, he can’t explain quite why he feels that way because he still sees Hyunjin every single day. 

Even worse – Hyunjin is treating him with a care and protectiveness that borders on obsessive and Felix. Fucking. Loves it.

It started with the morning walks. Normally, the members will meet Felix in the lobby and usher him into a car or down the sidewalk. Not Hyunjin, though. Hyunjin waits outside of the dorm room doors every time and wordlessly motions for Felix to put on his headphones. Hyunjin doesn’t speak to him on their way to the company, just sits or walks in silence, save whatever playlist he’s chosen that day, streaming it to the noise canceling headphones and his own earbuds.

“What’s this playlist?” Felix asks once. 

“Um … just a random one.” 

“Oh,” Felix says. He likes the songs Hyunjin chooses for him, finds them comforting. He tries to catch Hyunjin’s eye, but he - like he has since they returned from Jeju - avoids eye contact. Hyunjin sighs, as if feeling the stare even if he doesn't reciprocate it. 

“I’ll make you one, okay?” 

Felix smiles even if Hyunjin isn’t looking to see it. “I’d love that.” 

Hyunjin makes a strangled noise, turns the music back on, and goes back to writing in his notebook. That’s another change – Hyunjin has taken to jotting things into a small moleskin journal, seemingly at random. 

While the others keep him close when it’s their turn on ABS watch, Hyunjin keeps contact. His hand is always warm and heavy on Felix’s shoulder or looped protectively through the straps of his dance bag. While Jeongin or Seungmin might allow Felix to get his own drink from the vending machine, Hyunjin wordlessly follows him through the JYPE halls like a shadow. 

Then there are the texts. Hyunjin might not be talking to Felix, but he texts him constantly – all reminders, however coded they may be written. Stretch your back, you were at the company for eleven hours. Or Drink a protein shake, you didn’t eat enough. Or Are your instincts feeling frayed? Remember, we’re all safe, you included. 

And Felix just can’t seem to get a grasp on what’s going on; it’s emotional whiplash – Hyunjin’s actions are those of someone devoted, someone who would do anything for Felix; but the usual little actions are gone, completely absent. There’s no absentminded cuddling, no back hugs, no ruffles to the hair or lingering smiles – and Felix can’t exactly complain about any of those things without sounding like the world’s biggest sap. 

He also feels safe. He’d been terrified to return to Seoul, but he has to admit, ABS is working. He’s never far away from a single member. The headphones make him feel like he can actually breathe, and that night at nearly three in the morning, Hyunjin texts him a spotify link to a playlist. He’s titled it ~ feathers ~. Felix puts the headphones over his ears, leans back in his bed, and falls asleep in seconds. 

---

If that playlist isn’t at least halfway to a confession, I don’t know what is. 

---

Felix thinks he might be getting paranoid, so he corners the only other person he knows will be willing to engage in paranoia with him. 

“Jesus, Lix!” Jisung jumps when he enters his room, towel slung around his waist, to find Felix sitting in his bed, wings wide and relaxed. “You scared the shit out of me!” 

“Sorry,” Felix apologizes, not feeling all that sorry. A startled Jisung is undeniably funny. 

“I could have been naked.” 

“Ooh, don’t tempt me,” Felix waggles his eyebrows. “Any day you’re going to admit that your relationship with Minho is just for show to hide your true feelings for me.” 

“Yah, Yongbokkie, stop trying to steal my boyfriend!” Minho calls from the kitchen. Felix and Jisung break down in giggles. 

“So, why are you here exactly? I would have expected you to be holed up with Hyunjin in the loft or something, it’s not every night we get done with rehearsals at eight.” 

“I’m banned from the loft, remember?” Felix pouts. “And that’s why I’m here. Hyunjin is completely ignoring me!” 

Jisung freezes, back to Felix (and face hidden, thankfully), but the hesitation is still noticeable. Felix narrows his eyes. 

“He’s not ignoring you,” Jisung says. When he turns around, he looks convincing enough. 

“I asked him to go to a movie with me tonight, and he said no,” Felix ticks the excuses off on his fingers. “Yesterday, he walked me to the building, but refused to get coffee with me – he said he had a meeting with Chan, but I’m almost positive Chan was at the dorms! And the day before that, I asked him to film a TikTok with me, and he didn’t even try to come up with an excuse, he literally ran away!” 

Jisung pretends to get his head stuck in his shirt just so he can grimace without Felix seeing. 

“I’m sure if he said no to a movie with you, he couldn’t go,” Jisung finally says. “Jinnie loves you, he wouldn’t avoid you if he didn’t need to.” 

Jisung thinks of Hyunjin’s lovestruck blush. Need to is both an understatement and ridiculous decision. Jisung knew this would be the outcome – panic from Lix, and absolute failure from Hyunjin. 

“Ask him,” Jisung says finally. “If you really think he’s avoiding you, corner him. Make him talk.” 

Felix sits up a bit and nods, his wings bobbing in with the motion. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. We agreed to be honest with each other, and if he wants space, I want to know why.” 

Jisung tries not to laugh, or scream, or both. Felix stands with all the determination in the world and pulls a sweatshirt back over his wings. “Thanks, Ji, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Jisung beams as Felix bids Minho adieu and all but skips out of their apartment. As soon as the door shuts, he groans and takes out his phone. 

 

enemies to lovers

Shitty dancer: dude why are you avoiding Lix? 

Shitty rapper: you said I should take some space! you agreed!

 

“Minho!” Jisung yells. Minho appears, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. 

“Wha?” 

“Hyunjin’s being an idiot,” he groans, shoving his phone in Minho’s direction. “Can you fix it?” 

Minho quickly spits out his mouth full of toothpaste, takes the phone and sighs. 

 

Shitty dancer: I’m pretty sure ignoring him entirely isn’t giving him space, hmm? 

Shitty rapper: … is this Minho-hyung? 

Shitty rapper: Ugh, nevermind, I don’t care. 

Shitty rapper: I’m not ignoring him, I’m trying to figure out how to be around him without wanting to kiss him. 

 

“He’s an idiot,” Minho laughs. 

“But I’m worried he’s gonna make Lix sad,” Jisung says. That wipes the smile straight off Minho’s face. 

“Okay, if Hyunjin hasn’t gotten his shit together by Saturday, I’ll talk to him.” 

“Talk, not threaten or physically harm?” Jisung teases. Minho rolls his eyes. 

“You brat. Let’s get to bed, hmm?” 

---

Do you know you have a freckle shaped like a heart on your right cheek? 

---

Chan has Minho, Felix, and Hyunjin record a series of harmonies together – he wants to see how layering their voices in harmony would sound on a backing track for their live shows. It’s a short process, but instead of leaving, they all sink onto the couch or floor in the studio, too tired to move, not tired enough to sleep. 

Well, almost too tired. Felix has his eyes trained on Hyunjin, and something itchy crawling beneath his skin. Felix clears his throat, plasters on a small smile, and bats his eyes at Hyunjin – not like Hyunjin would notice, since he’s become allergic to eye contact apparently.

“I have a meeting with LV nearby,” Felix says, lightly and casually. Immediately, Hyunjin sits up. “It’s a short walk, I should be fine.”

“No, I’ll come, I’m free,” he volunteers. Felix narrows his eyes. 

“Oh, actually, I forgot, the meeting’s next week,” Felix pretends to remember. “Hey, since you're free, what if we go get ramen or something?”

Really? Minho mouths. Felix ignores him, watching with miserable validation as Hyunjin’s shoulders tense. 

“Uh, I don’t know Lix, I’m not really feeling ramen-”

“Can be anything,” Felix says quickly. “What are you craving?” 

Minho hangs his head. Chan squeezes his hand sympathetically. 

“I’m just not really feeling food right now, I guess,” Hyunjin says. “I actually have to-”

“You said you could walk me, though, so you’re free,” Felix interrupts. Hyunjin jumps to his feet, looking at Chan and Minho and so obviously not at him. 

“Totally forgot that I have a call with the stylists! Sorry, Lix-ah!” 

And then he dashes out of the studio. 

Felix sinks onto the couch, puts his head in his hands, and groans. 

He misses the exasperated look shared between Minho and Chan. Minho pinches the bridge of his nose and Chan motions for Minho to give them a minute alone. 

“I’m gonna head back to the dorms for movie night. We’re still on for tonight, right?” Minho says softly. “Chan, you’re on Lix duty?” 

“Yup,” Chan says, eyes not leaving Felix’s despondent form. “We’ll meet you there, shouldn’t be more than forty-five more minutes.” 

Minho pats Felix on the head and disappears. 

“Felix,” Chan says slowly, once it’s just the two of them. “You okay, mate?” 

“No!” Felix groans. “I thought everything was gonna be normal when we got back – or at least whatever our new normal would be – now that you all know about the wings, but ever since Jeju, Hyunjin can’t even look at me! And it’s weird because he’s always the first one to volunteer to walk me to the company, and he texts me about taking care of myself all the time, but he won’t look at me anymore!” 

Felix sucks in a breath. “I … I know it’s stupid, but I’m scared it’s because of my wings?” 

“No, Lix,” Chan says quickly. “Your wings are the last thing Hyunjin would ever avoid you for. He’s obsessed with them and the person they're attached to.” 

“Then why won’t he talk to me!” Felix keens. “Why would he go through the trouble to make me a playlist at three AM, but he won’t stay in the same room alone for more than five seconds? What the hell is that about?” 

Chan’s eyebrows raise. “He made you a playlist?” 

Felix nods, lip pouty and eyes wide. “He gave me his headphones, the noise canceling ones, so that I won’t hear the bell even if it’s ringing. Whenever we go to the company, he always puts on music, and when I asked him what playlist he was choosing from, he told me he’d make one for me.” 

Chan bites his tongue. He wants to give his members privacy when it comes to their love lives, wants to let them approach him if they need advice, but now … well, it’s been long enough. 

“Can I see it?”

Felix passes the phone to Chan. Chan has to bite his tongue again to keep from either laughing or groaning – he’s not sure what noise would escape him. 

“Felix,” Chan says with a sigh. “Did you look at the songs he chose? Like, really look at them?” 

Felix cocks his head but wordlessly opens the playlist. Yellow by Coldplay, of course. Sweater Weather by the Neighbourhood. Most of them are soft, slow, comforting and gentle.  

“They’re all really good songs,” Felix says slowly, a question lifting his words. “I mean, they’re all songs I know Hyunjin really loves, he’s sent some of them to me before.”

“And do you still know how to speak English?” 

The question catches Felix off guard. He reals back in surprise. “Uh, yeah, last I checked it’s still my native language-” 

“Then actually, really actually, look at the songs for a second,” Chan grits through his teeth. “You’ve written lyrics yourself, just … look at the songs.” 

Felix puffs out a frustrated breath as Chan shoves the phone back in his hands. He has the playlist order memorized, but Chan is looking at him with a desperation he doesn’t recognize, so he clicks through the songs regardless, rising to his feet to pace. 

“The lyrics are evocative,” Felix says. “Imagery heavy. Emotional.” 

“Good,” Chan nods, but he drags the word. Whatever the right answer is, Felix hasn’t found it yet. He sighs, taps Yellow if only just to hear the intro play. “They’re all about feelings, I guess. Like Yellow – it starts off with pretty words but by the chorus, you know he’s singing about…” 

Chan sits up a little straighter, but Felix doesn’t pay him any mind, not when his world is suddenly shrinking to the phone scream. 

“It’s obviously about …” 

Felix feels his heart rate speed up. He starts tapping at the songs, clicking through to the lyrics. 

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you. 

One love, two mouths; one love, one house. 

I will follow you into the dark. 

But I realized that I need you and I wondered if I could come home.

Love … love … love. 

Felix takes several shocked steps back until the back of his legs hit the studio couch. He sits instantly, hands shaking. 

He’s like that with everyone. 

I’m just too sensitive. 

We’re best friends. 

“Chan,” Felix whispers. “Has Hyunjin ever made you a playlist?” 

“Nope,” Chan answers simply. “But I know music is very important to him.” 

It’s telling that he doesn’t ask what Felix has realized, that he seems to have been waiting for Felix to get onto the same page, or at least start reading the same chapter. 

And all the things you do, they were all yellow. 

“But he … I didn’t …” Felix whispers. He looks up at Chan. “He never said anything!” 

“And you did?” Chan counters gently. 

“He’s been avoiding me,” Felix says breathlessly. 

Chan’s smile twitches into a grimace. “And you … didn’t?” 

“That’s different, I only avoided him because …” 

Because I’m in love with him, Felix thinks. Because it hurt too much. 

“I need to talk to him,” Felix jumps to his feet. “Do you know where he is?” 

Chan grins. “Probably at the dorms with the others, movie night and all that. If you wait a few minutes, I can come with–”

But before Chan can get the words out, before Felix hears anything psat ‘at the dorms’, Felix is sprinting out of the studio. Chan huffs, pulls out his phone, and texts one of the older group chats on his phone. 

 

fellas is it gay to be in love with ur best friend? 

Channie: Is anyone in the dorm with Hyunjin? Felix is sprinting there now. 

 

There’s barely a moment of silence before the messages come pouring in. 

 

Jisung: IS IT HAPPENING??? 

Changbin: WE’RE IN OUR DORM RN AND HYUNJIN JUST ASKED ME WHY JISUNG IS SCREAMING

Minho: Who has the list of the bets? There’s a cat tower I’ve been eyeing … 

Jisung: THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL! 

Minnie: Hyung, did you let Felix leave alone? 

 

Chan chokes, pockets his phone, and runs downstairs, hoping to catch him. Besides, he wants to be there when all the chaos unfolds. 

---

It’s supposed to be a chill night. Everyone, save Chan and Felix, are currently splayed around Chan and Innie’s living room, tired from the constant rehearsal but not so tired to be despondent. It’s easy, calm, and relaxed. 

And then Felix slams the door open with such force that the entire wall seems to shake. He’s shiny with sweat, hair wild around his face, and mouth parted as he pants. Did he run here? Hyunjin thinks. Immediately, everyone in the dorm whips their heads up, their chatter absent in their shock, but Felix simply stares, wide eyed and a bit manic, at Hyunjin.

“You!” Felix points a finger at Hyunjin, who balks under the full, beautiful intensity of Felix’s stare.

The stare he’s been trying desperately to avoid for days, the stare that finds him in his dreams. 

“Me?” 

Felix holds up his phone with the playlist. 

“Explain!” 

Shit, Hyunjin thinks. He made the playlist a little too late at night, because lately all he can do is lay awake thinking about Felix. Whether Felix is in danger, whether Felix likes him back, whether Felix can tell that Hyunjin can hardly breathe when they’re in the same room together. And he’d thought, maybe, he was getting away with it, until Felix started questioning him in the studio.   

“What?” Hyunjin asks, feigning ignorance. 

Felix huffs. Objectively adorable, Hyunjin can’t figure out if he wants to openly coo or press him against the nearest wall. Finally, he grabs Hyunjin by the sleeve and pulls him onto the balcony. The last thing Hyunjin sees is the oddly excited expressions on everyone else’s face, and Chan – equally as thrilled looking – jogging into the dorm, and then Felix is standing in front of him, blocking the door. 

“Felix, what’s going on?” Hyunjin asks. 

“You’ve been avoiding hanging out with me,” Felix says, “but you walk me to the dorms every night. You refuse to be alone with me, but you keep reminding me to eat and stretch my wings, way more than everyone else. You won’t answer my texts but you sent me a playlist when you should have been sleeping.”

Hyunjin bites his lip. His eyes fall. “I’m not avoiding-”

“You are,” Felix refuses to hear the denial. “And at first I was worried I did something wrong or … or you felt weird about me being an Angel-”

Hyunjin tightens his fists until his nails are digging into his palm. It’s the exact thing Jisung had warned him, the opposite of what he was hoping to achieve – then Felix deflates, looks up at Hyunjin nervously through those long lashes. 

“But I just realized that I’d avoided you too in the past.” 

Huh. 

“Because of your wings,” Hyunjin confirms. Felix chews at his lower lip. Hyunjin resists the urge to run a thumb along the petal-pink skin.  

“Because of you,” Felix admits. “Because my wings liked you way too much. Because my instincts went haywire anytime you so much as looked at me. Because everything I felt - feel - around you is ten times as much as I feel with anyone else.”

A gentle breeze wafts over the balcony; below them, traffic is dulled to a distant woosh of cars, the occasional staccato of a horn. In Hyunjin’s chest, his heart speeds to triple time. 

“Only with you,” Felix adds in a whisper. “So I thought – I hoped – that maybe … that maybe you weren’t avoiding me because you’re upset with me, but because you were feeling things ten times as much with me too…” 

Felix trails off. Hyunjin sees the way doubt is creeping across his body, pulling his shoulders tighter, pinching at his brow. Sees the way his eyes go somehow shinier. 

“Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll go back inside,” Felix whispers, voice thick. “Tell me I’m reading into things, and I’ll never bring it up again. I can - I can go back to how I was before.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe, let alone how to speak. Everything Felix is saying is exactly when Hyunjin's been battling with for the past week – that excess of feeling, that terror of assuming incorrectly, the analysis of a touch, a glance, a blink in his direction. 

Say something, a voice that sounds like Jisung’s hisses in his ear. He watches as Felix's doubt turns into panic. 

“That’s totally fine,” Felix splutters. That smile – the fake one, the bandage to appease – stretches shakily across his cheeks. “Just forget I said anything, okay? Um, please? I don’t even know what I was thinking, Felix, you fucking idiot-” 

Felix starts to turn, and that, finally, breaks Hyunjin out of his stupor. 

He leans forward and catches Felix’s hand in his, tugging him to a stop. 

“Wait,” Hyunjin says. He tugs, just barely, and Felix turns. In the moonlight, he glows – every freckle somehow more golden in the silver. His lips part just a bit, a tiny surprise puff of air escaping them. “You’re not wrong,” Hyunjin says, taking a step closer. 

“It’s okay if I am,” Felix whispers, but he moves too, close enough that Hyunjin can feel the way his breath dances across his cheeks. 

“I told you not to lie to me, and I won’t lie to you either,” Hyunjin reminds him. Finally, a tear escapes, painting a glittering line across the particular heart-shaped freckle Hyunjin is so enamored with. 

“I wouldn’t blame you, and it’s really-”

“Stop worrying, Angel,” Hyunjing breathes. 

And then he raises his hands, cups one at Felix’s jaw, the other at the nape of his neck. 

And then he pulls Felix to him, and Felix’s eyes flutter shut. 

And then Hyunjin finally – finally – kisses him. 

---

Warmth floods Felix’s entire body, from his mouth down to the tips of his wings. He doesn’t even try to fight the tiny, contented sigh that escapes him, just wraps his arms up and around Hyunjin’s neck to pull him closer. They stumble backwards, and Felix feels his back hit the door, but the feeling of being caged in, of Hyunjin’s body hot against him, just makes him deepen the kiss. Hyunjin moans low in his chest and sucks gently at Felix’s bottom lip, the hand on his neck traveling down to press against Felix’s lower back. 

They kiss for hours or for minutes. Felix doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. There’s only him and the everything of Hyunjin – Hyunjin’s lips, Hyunjin’s hands, Hyunjin’s breath in his mouth– 

But eventually they have to break for air. Hyunjin breaks the kiss with a gasp, but he doesn’t step away. He just drops his head until his forehead rests against Felix’s.

“So,” Felix says breathlessly, high pitched and slightly lustful in a way that he can’t manage to be embarrassed by, “you like me … too?” 

“Nah, I make out with every pretty angel that worms his way into my life,” Hyunjin says with the most affectionate eyeroll Felix has ever seen. Felix pouts, and then Hyunjin kisses him again, just a peck on his jutted lip, which makes Felix squeak. “Felix, you have no idea how much I like you.” 

Felix tries to hide his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder, but Hyunjin catches his chin with a fond laugh. “No, no, don’t go hiding from me. You have no idea how exhausting it is to pretend I’m not obsessed with the way you blush.” 

“Probably about as exhausting as pretending I don’t want to kiss your mole everytime I look at you,” Felix grins coyly as Hyunjin blushes. Hah, he thinks, You’re not the only one who can make someone flustered. 

“So everything with your wings,” Hyunjin runs his thumb across the hidden feathers, “everything about your instincts flaring around me … it was because you liked me?” 

“It’s different with you, like I said,” Felix says.   

And Hyunjin smiles. 

“I can’t believe we could have done this ages ago,” Hyunjin tucks a strand of hair behind Felix’s ear – he’s done it thousands of times before, but it feels more weighted now, more tender, and Felix’s lashes flutter at the contact. 

“I was scared you wouldn’t want me,” Felix whispers, honest in a way that almost hurts. 

“Impossible,” Hyunjin says. “I’ve spent the past week trying to not act like a total idiot around you only to run away at every turn. Trying to make sure I didn’t overwhelm you with how much I liked you.” 

“I knew it,” Felix grins triumphantly. “You were avoiding me.” 

Hyunjin groans and hides his head in the juncture of Felix’s neck and shoulder. “Jisung kind of warned me not to, but after what you said on the beach about not wanting anything to change, I was worried that included, well, me.” 

“You did kind of a shit job.” Felix’s lips twitch. “Romantic playlists? Sunrise walks to the company?”

“Can’t trust Seungmin to not fall asleep mid-walk and lose track of you,” Hyunjin grumbles, but now he’s tomato red, and Felix feels a rush of satisfaction.

“I thought you were pulling away from me,” Felix admits again. Hyunjin frowns, then snaps and pulls out that small moleskin notebook, handing it to Felix. Felix flips through the pages, his eyes squinting in the darkness to read. 

“I was terrified I was going to blurt out things that would give away how I was feeling,” Hyunjin explains, blushing. “So every time I thought something intense about you, I wrote it down.” 

Felix puts a hand to his lips as he reads page after page of small, scrawled confession. You look so pretty today; Fuck, I’d love to go to a movie with you, I’d buy you so much popcorn; I think the guest choreographer was flirting with you, I just can’t prove it; When you tried to hug me, I thought my heart was going to explode. 

“Jinnie …” Felix breathes, in awe. “I … I can’t believe you were holding this back.” 

 “I … I didn’t really realize how I felt about you until Jeju. I figured that the way I felt, the things I thought, were normal, best friend shit. Once I realized … well, it got kind of intense in my head?” 

“Pabo,” Felix laughs softly. “That’s actually so embarrassing for me, then. I’ve had feelings for you for … well, since debut.” 

Felix feels himself shrink a bit. Hyunjin immediately catches on. 

“Lixie, I never even considered crushes because I never wanted to hang out with anyone but you. I only wanted to be around you, all the time. Trust me, I may have only just gotten my head out of my ass, but according to Jisung, I’ve been painfully pining over you for years. And apparently, everyone knows.” 

That makes Felix feel a little better. “Jisung told me to just ask you out, but I was too scared. Minnie too, when he’s not making fun of me.” 

“Aw, baby, they’ve been teasing you for having a crush on me?” Hyunjin coos. Felix scoffs, but feels his cheek get hot. 

“Shut up! I get enough shit from the rest of them, I don’t need from my boy-”

Felix snaps his mouth shut. Shit, he and Hyunjin literally just had their first (and the second, and up to probably their twenty-sixth) kiss, and here he is implying that they’ll jump right into a relationship. 

But Hyunjin’s eyes dilate, his lips part in surprise, then stretch into a small smile. “Pretty sure we’re still going to tease each other, even if we are boyfriends” 

Felix leaps into his arms at that. “Really?” 

“Will you?” Hyunjin whispers against his ear. “Be my boyfriend?” 

Felix pulls back. “Of course. Please. Yes. Duh.”

“Good,” Hyunjin kisses his forehead, then the tip of his nose, and finally his lips - slowly, gently, but simmering with heat. “Now you really aren’t getting rid of me anytime soon.” 

“Angel Boyfriend Squad,” Felix giggles. 

“Duh,” Hyunjin rubs his thumb over Felix’s knuckles, then raises the hand up to his lips to kiss them. Felix turns pink, and the feathers bound beneath Hyunjin’s embrace flutter. “Someone has to be your guardian angel, too.”

The feathers leap and jump. Hyunjin coos. “Come on, let’s go inside. You’ve had them bound for too long.”

“They’re fine,” Felix whines. He doesn’t want to go in. He really, really wants to keep kissing Hyunjin. 

“Uh-uh, boyfriend privileges means I get to see these feathers whenever I want, and we still have a movie to watch,” Hyunjin asserts. 

“Oh yeah, the movie,” Felix remembers. He lets Hyunjin take his hand as the other reaches for the door knob. “Do you think the others are still inside-” 

But when Hyunjin pulls the door open, six bodies are squished into the gap. They yelp, some scrambling back, and some falling forward – namely Jisung, who faceplants to the ground with a small ‘oof’. 

“Um,” Felix says. 

“I guess that answers that,” Hyunjin murmurs in Felix’s ear, his hand moving from Felix’s own to wind around his lower back, fingers weaving in the belt loops. Felix’s shock is immediately forgotten as he greedily leans back against Hyunjin, tilting his head up to catch the elder’s eye. 

“Oh my God, oh my God,” Jisung whispers over and over again as he scrambles to his feet. “You … are you-” 

“Let’s go inside,” Chan claps his hands and grabs Jisung by the collar, dragging him, and leading the others, back into the dorm. 

At the last second, Hyunjin stops Felix and tugs him in for a fleeting kiss. Felix feels it all the way down to his toes. 

“OH MY GOD!” Jisung screams when he’s spotted them. 

Once everyone is settled, the silence is heavy and breaths are bated. Felix shifts in his seat next to Hyunjin, their thighs pressed together but not touching otherwise. A sudden fear clenches in his chest - is Chan going to be mad? Obviously, Jisung and Minho are together and have been for a while, but Felix remembers the conversations had about the risks of dating. What if he and Hyunjin are just too much stress, what if-

“Angel,” Hyunjin’s voice breaks through his spiraling, low and soft, “stop thinking so hard.” 

Felix leans against Hyunjin just a bit, blushing but desperate for the contact. Hyunjin grins a bit, eye flickering to the other members, before he snakes his arms around Felix’s shoulder and pulls him tightly against him. 

“Sorry,” Felix whispers.

“What’d I say about that word,” Hyunjin murmurs. He tucks a strand of hair behind Felix’s ears, and Felix preens.

Felix finally takes in the others. They’re literally sitting on the edges of their seats. 

“What?” Felix asks. 

“Do you have anything you want to announce?” Seungmin prods. Felix glances towards Hyunjin, trying to bite back his own grin. 

“Do we?” 

Hyunjin clicks his tongue and fakes indecision. “I don’t know, do you want to tell them, baby? Sneaky spies, not sure they deserve to know-” 

“You’re right,” Felix says, playing along. “Not much to be said on our end, they’re just going to be nosy regardless-” 

“No!” Changbin yells. He’s criss-cross on the floor, finger pointed accusingly. “No, I have spent years watching Hwang turn into a blushing mess anytime Felix so much as breathes-” 

“That’s it?” Jisung scoffs. “At least Hyunjin didn’t wake you up in the middle of the night to talk about a mole!” 

“I thought you were exaggerating about the mole,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“I thought you didn’t know you liked me til last Friday,” Felix counters, batting his eyelashes and pouting his lips. Hyunjin’s breath stutters, his hand rising to stroke a thumb across that heart shaped freckle-

“Oh, God,” Seugmin says. “It’s like Minsung all over again.” 

“Hey! We were never that bad!” Minho protests. 

“Leave my boyfriend alone,” Hyunjin scoffs, “he’s too pretty for your teasing.” 

There’s a beat of silence, a collective dropping of jaws, and then screaming. So. much. Screaming. 

“BOYFRIEND?” Jisung screams into Felix’s ear. 

“Oh my God, finally!” Jeongin cackles. 

“Look who got their shit together,” Changbin pinches both of their cheeks, then ruffles Hyunjin’s hair. 

“He’d better not stay over without you telling me,” Seungmin threatens, but he’s smiling widely. 

“I’m so proud of you two,” Chan says, a hand on each of their shoulders. “It’s been … it’s been as much an honor as it’s been painful to watch your yearning.” 

Felix sniffles, smiling so wide he thinks his cheeks might break. Chan brushes the tear away. “You knew the second you saw the playlist, didn’t you?” 

Hyunjin cocks his head, and Chan laughs. “Lix, I knew the second Hyunjin cornered me during the survival show and threatened to punch JYP if I didn’t pick you for the group.” 

“Hyune!” Felix gasps. Hyunjin blushes. 

“Hyung, c’mon,” he whines in embarrassment. 

Finally, Minho ambles over, arms crossed and serious. “Lix-ah, I have watched you hide every part of you away from everyone who love you, just to spare feelings they didn’t ask you to spare, and run yourself ragged with the wild notion that Jinnie, the man who looks at you like you hung the damn stars, isn’t crazy about you. I watched you cry about this oversized ferret for hours-” 

Hyunjin winces, and Felix lets out a small, affronted “Hyung-”

“-instead of just picking up the phone and calling him. And you,” Minho nods to Hyunjin who, even with the extra centimeters of height, winces like a little boy about to get scolded. “I watched you ignore the most obvious, painful crush in the entire world, delude yourself into some outrageous belief that the things you felt for this raggedy little kitten of a man were merely platonic friendship.” 

Felix is holding his breath. So is everyone else, for that matter. Minho takes a breath, and addresses Hyunjin with a shuddering voice and glossy eyes. “But you saved his life. When I couldn’t ,when Seungmin couldn’t, when no one else could save him, you did. I’d thought what you felt for him was a crush. After that phone call … I knew.” 

“Hyung,” Hyunjin whispers. Felix doesn’t know what exactly is transpiring between them, but he knows it means something to both of them. 

“He will always choose someone over himself,” Minho whispers. Felix blushes, and Chan takes his hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“I’ll always choose him,” Hyunjin promises immediately, as if he isn’t turning Felix’s world on it’s axis. 

Felix’s eyes well with tears, he watches Minho pull Hyunjin into a tight hug, whisper something that has Hyunjin swallowing tears of his own. Then Minho drags Felix into his arms. 

“What was all that posturing?” Felix giggles wetly. 

“ABS business,” Minho says. He pulls back and pinches Felix on the cheek. “I’m happy for you Bbokie. Hopelessly romantic isn’t the best look on you, not when it lasts for years-” 

“Shut up!” 

Minho tucks Felix under his arm and points a finger at Hyunjin. “You hurt him? I’ll make the airfryer look like a spa.” 

“Yes, hyung,” Hyunjin swallows audibly.  

“I think a celebration is in order,” Chan breaks the teary silence with a clap of his hands. “I’m ordering food, my treat.” 

“First thing’s first, who has the list of the bets?” Seungmin asks. 

“I do,” Changbin says. “Lix, would you say you kissed Hyunjin first, or he kissed you?” 

“You took bets on us?” Hyunjin gasps, at the same time Felix says.

“Hyunjin kissed me.” 

A chorus of oohs and kissy faces makes Felix giggle. 

“Felix basically confessed first, though,” Hyunjin says. 

“Yeah, but you asked me to be your boyfriend!” 

“Hold on, hold on – someone give me a phone, I need to get a calculator,” Changbin snaps his fingers, and the group descends into chaos as bills are passed and totals calculated. Hyunjin just wraps his arms around Felix’s shoulders and hooks his chin on his shoulder. 

“They’re idiots,” Felix murmurs. 

“So are we, apparently,” Hyunjin shrugs. Felix turns his head to catch Hyunjin’s eye. 

“The biggest idiots.” 

And then, because he can, because feeling brave has worked for him so far, he leans up and kisses his boyfriend, not caring when Seungmin pretends to vomit.  

Notes:

* please don’t hate it please don’t hate it *

Author was indeed kicking her feet and giggling while writing it.

More fluff coming up, and the sheer suffering!! I’m so sorry (she lies).

Chapter 13: come and taste me now

Summary:

Prepping for a tour shouldn't be such an aphrodisiac, and yet...

(Felix and Hyunjin like each other so much. The members wish they wouldn't always show it quite so publicly.)

Notes:

Well, I can't believe I've written 100k+ words in such a short span of time, but I guess that's a testament to how much I like this fic. Thank you all so much for the kind comments on last chapter! It really made my soul ascend.

Back with some more fluff and actual plot this time.

Teensy-tiny warnings in here for flashback/discussion of Felix's angel maturation and ALSO the horniest of makeouts.

I already have most of the next chapter written and it does ?? include ?? smut?? Obv I would note where the smut happens in case people don't want to read it, but just as a small heads up? I'm not anticipating writing a ton of smut scenes in this fic, but I'm only human and couldn't help myself.

OK THAT'S ALL BYE <3

edited to add:
I created 2 playlists, both the one Hyunjin makes for Lix within this fic, and the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this story overall!
~feathers~
air beneath (my wings)

Felix doesn’t think he’s ever spent less time talking to Hyunjin in his life. 

Well, they talk at rehearsals, at the increasingly-involved run throughs of show after show. They talk in the cars on their way to fan signs and interviews, and they talk over dinners with the other members, and they text constantly. 

It’s just that, the second they’re alone–

Hyunjin pulls Felix into his apartment, closes the door, and pushes him up against the wall.

“What was that in the car, Angel?” Hyunjin whispers as he presses open mouthed kisses down his neck. 

When we get back, ruin me. Felix had whispered, lips at the shell of Hyunjin’s ear. 

Now, though, Felix bites down a moan and tries to hide his face behind his hands, and Hyunjin gently but firmly pulls them away. “What, now you’re shy?” 

Yes , Felix thinks. Because every other hookup has been rushed, frenzy, a means to an end – two individuals chasing their individual pleasure. But Hyunjin touches him the way he paints: passionately, reverently, inevitably – as if the connection of their lips, their hands, is not just a necessity, but a given. The result is this: Felix, blushing, flustered, his want to severe that it renders him trembling. 

“You looked … so hot at rehearsal,” Felix pants finally, when Hyunjin hums a questioning ‘hmm?’ against his skin. Hyunjin grins, all teeth and pupil, and drags Felix’s sweatshirt and tanktop over his head; then he undoes the clip of his bandages. Felix’s wings swoop to the side. 

“Yeah? Aw, Angel, did you get worked up?” 

Felix whines in embarrassment. It’s another thing he didn’t factor – Hyunjin is so soft, so gentle with him, in every facet of their lives. But there’s a teasing quality that exists in their day-to-day as well that always makes Felix squirm. Hyunjin loves seeing Felix blush, apparently, and Felix blushes so, so easily. 

“Not my fault you look like that when you sweat,” Felix says a bit brattily (because Hyunjin loves when Felix teases back). Hyunjin chuckles, low and dark, but his eyes are shining with soft adoration. He stands back to his full, caging Felix against the wall and he finally kisses him again, one hand in his hair, the other tracing a tantalizing line along his wing-

Felix moans just as the door to Changbin’s bedroom swings open.

“AH!”

Changbin yells and slaps his hands over his eyes, dropping the bag of chips he’d been carrying. 

“Hyung!” Felix squeals, jumping away from Hyunjin like he’s infected. 

“Jesus,” Hyunjin gasps, “I thought you weren’t home!” 

“Well!” Changbin groans, “I am! Hyunjin, you have a bedroom , why the fuck are you out here!” 

“Heat of the moment?” Hyunjin suggests weakly. Felix would laugh if he wasn’t so embarrassed. Hyunjin hands him his tanktop and Felix pulls it over his wings, though they’re not exactly cooperating–

“Sorry, they’ll go down in a bit,” Felix whimpers. 

“WHAT?” Changbin gasps. 

“My wings, hyung!” Felix all but chokes. “I’m – we weren’t naked you know, you can look!” 

“That’s okay, I need to figure out how to bleach my eyes,” Changbin shakes his head, eyes still covered. “You know, we have a meeting at the company in less than an hour. Why the hell did you come back so soon?” 

“Why do you think, hyung?” Hyunjin deadpans. Changbin groans again. 

“I’m going back to my room, putting on headphones, and I better not hear anything.” 

“Yes, hyung,” Felix whimpers, mollified. 

---

fellas, it IS gay to be in love with ur best friend!

Changbin: Chan, when we go on tour, you need to put Hyunlix in their own room. 

Changbin: Preferably on their own floor

Changbin: Fuck it, put them in a separate hotel

Minnie: You too????? I left them alone in the kitchen for FIVE SECONDS yesterday and when I came out they were basically trying to suck each other’s tongues off

Innie: EW 

Innie: WHY WOULD U TYPE THAT 

Minho has left the chat.

Channie: ??? 

Jisung: I think hyung just realized Felix has had sex. 

Channie: Ah. 

---

At the end of the day, Felix feels far too embarrassed to start the makeout session anew, so the two end up cuddling quietly until heading back to the company with a red faced Changbin in tow. As soon as they arrive, Jisung pounces on Felix, dragging him away under the guise of a coffee run. 

“What?” Felix asks as soon as they’re out of earshot of the others. 

“I hear someone had a rather passionate yet silent conversation with our dear Hyunjinnie,” Jisung sing-songs in whisper. 

“What the- Changbin, ” Felix growls, shooting the man in question a betrayed glare as they round the corner. Changbin shrugs, a your fault, not mine gesture.  

“You’re so red,” Jisung coos and pokes Felix’s cheek. Felix bats his hand away as they wander down the hall.

“So what? He’s my,” Felix looks right to left and drops his voice, “ boyfriend. We’re allowed to kiss.” 

(And if just saying the world ‘boyfriend’ makes Felix grin like a maniac? Well, Jisung is empathetic enough to not call him out.) 

“Oh, that’s not what I dragged you here to ask, my lil Bbokie baby,” Jisung smirks. “Have you guys fucked yet? Is the dick good?” 

Felix trips over his feet. Jisung catches him at the last minute and hauls him upright. 

“Ji!” Felix splutters. “I – no – what? I – we’re just kissing, you perv!” 

“Felix, you sound like a virgin.” 

Felix picks anxiously at a hangnail. “I … we literally told each other how we feel less than a week ago .” 

“Yeah, exactly, and you’re in love ,” Jisung rolls his eyes. “People who say ‘I love you’ tend to consummate said love.” 

“We didn’t say the L word ,” Felix whispers. Jisung’s eyes bulge. 

“Why?” He whines. “You are, right? In love with him?” 

“Can you whisper !” Felix hisses. “It’s … I don’t want to rush things.” 

“You two? Rush things?” Jisung snorts. “At this rate you won’t even be past second base until you’re eighty-” 

Felix wops Jisung over the head as they enter the cafe, face burning. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. God knows Felix wants ; and it’s not that he’s a prude – he was living in a dorm with other young adults who were all equally frustrated, equally overwhelmed, and equally desperate to blow off steam, afterall – but there’s something about Hyunjin that makes Felix remember scripture. This isn’t a rushed, frenzied encounter in the bottom bunk in the trainee dorms, and this isn’t batted lashes and a fake smile across a dance floor. This is Hyunjin, and this is real; real the way ‘the L word’ is real, real the way sex and marriage are tied in the bible. 

He doesn’t want sex with Hyunjin to feel like it’s happening for a purely physical reason. 

He also can’t figure out how they’ll find the time to have sex with the hours they’re putting in at the company.

Because God knows it’s been both a sprint and a marathon. When they’re not at the company practicing, they’re at a stage rehearsing. When they’re not rehearsing, they’re interviewing, and when they’re not interviewing, they’re back to practicing. It’s all sore muscles and scratchy throats, all heating pads and tea with honey. By the time their days are over, usually far past midnight, there’s no energy for conversation, there’s just the siren’s pull of their beds, the unconscious blips that end abruptly with hard alarms and under eye bags.

“Hey, it’s okay to want to wait,” At Felix’s prolonged silence, Jisung nudges him as they get in line, his voice low and quiet finally. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. Minho and I did too, until we’d been together for a little bit.” 

“I know, I know,” Felix sighs. “We just haven’t talked about it yet, I don’t want to presume that Hyunjin wants to move so physically so fast, and I don’t want to have our first time take place when we’re both half-dead after rehearsal and worrying about Seungmin of Changbin-hyung hearing. I … I don’t want to mess it up, you know?” 

“You really won’t,” Jisung promises. “But when you do finally get dicked down-”

“Yongbok, Jisung!” 

Both Felix and Jisung jump and turn to see Yun and Jung approaching. 

“Practicing?” Yun asks. “You look red.” 

“Yup!” Felix coughs. 

“Glad we caught you,” Jung nods. “We keep meeting like this, don’t we?” 

Keep meeting wherever there are calories to be consumed, Felix thinks. From the way Jisung’s posture stiffens, he must be thinking similarly. 

“Caffeine and Idols go hand in hand,” Jisung says amicably instead. 

“Well, you’ll see this pop up on your calendar, Yongbok, but the LV representatives will be in Seoul in two days. It shouldn’t take more than a couple hours max, and it’s at a building nearby, so you shouldn’t have to miss too much practice.” 

Felix feels the moment his smile freezes into place, going from genuine to masklike. It’s a subtle change, barely perceptible unless you know Felix well enough to look for the tells. 

Unless you’re someone like Jisung. 

“Of course, I’m looking forward to it,” says Felix. Yun and Jung stay with them as they wait in the line, stay with them as they order and as Felix ignores the pastries and sweet, sugary drinks in favor of an unsweetened iced tea. Jisung clearly notices the choice, but he knows as well as Felix that there’s nothing to be said. 

When they split away from the managers, Jisung nudges Felix with his shoulder. “What was that? You usually love LV schedules, but you did your fake smile.” 

Felix shrugs his shoulders. It’s a habit they all recognize now – it means his wings are acting up. “I think I have to drop out.” 

Jisung screeches to a halt. “What? Why!” 

They reach the practice room and hover outside the door for a moment. Felix toes at the ground with his shoes, mouth scrunched. “Ji, I have two pretty huge wings on my back. If they put me in anything that shows off my back or anything too tight, I’ll have to drop out anyway. If Jung thinks it’s because I don’t fit the clothes, he’ll weigh me. Plus, the show is in Paris, and I think the plan is for all of you to head straight to Spain and leave me behind. It feels too risky.” 

Jisung is full on pouting now. He balances the coffee tray he’s carrying in one hand and uses the other to squeeze Felix’s shoulder, digging into the muscles he knows are most tensed from his wings. “Lix-ah, why didn’t you say anything? What, do you think ABS is just a funny name?” 

Felix’s sadness breaks for confusion. “What?” 

Jisung sighs and shoots Felix a rueful smile. “Come on, dumbass.” 

Jisung pushes open the practice room door with a confused Felix on his heels. He closes the door behind him, locks it, and pulls down the shade once he notices that the choreographers have yet to arrive. 

“Angel?” Hyunjin rises when he notices Felix’s downtrodden expression. 

“Hyung,” Jisung addresses Chan, “is there any reason we need to go from Paris to Spain so quickly after the show?”

Chan stutters a bit. “Uh, no, I didn’t even  realize -- oh, I guess you’re right, they have us flying straight there, but the concert isn’t for two days after the Paris show. Why?” 

Jisung kicks Felix in the shin. 

“Lix-ah has the LV show the day after the Paris concert, and he thinks he needs to drop out.” 

“Why?” Hyunjin asks immediately, finally closing the distance between them to take Felix’s small hands in his. Felix won’t quite meet his eye, so Hyunjin gently tilts his head up with gentle fingers beneath his chin. It’s a testament to how whipped they all are for Felix that no one teases Hyunjin for the tender gesture. 

“It’s fine, I realized a while ago that it probably wouldn’t be possible.” Felix finally admits. “I can’t see how I’ll be able to do that with the wings, and I definitely can’t imagine any of you letting me stay back alone in Paris for the fashion show.” 

Hyunjin hums and looks at Chan. The leader looks very serious as he taps through his phone. 

“Why are you just bringing this up, Bbokie?” Minho asks from where he’s stretching on the floor. 

“I guess I just don’t see how there’s anything to be done,” Felix says. 

“That’s why I’ve opened the conversation to the group,” Jisung says proudly. “I think our little Bbokie doesn’t realize the roles and responsibilities of ABS.” 

“Of course I do!” Felix insists. 

“What do you think we do?” Hyunjin asks gently. 

“Walk me to practice, pet my wings, make sure I’m not alone,” Felix ticks them off on his fingers. 

Minho snorts. “Bbokie, why do you think we do all those things?” 

“So I don’t get taken?” Felix says. The room shudders. 

“Well, yes,” Chan agrees. “But also so you can keep being an idol, so you can stay here with us, so you can live your life.” 

“I know you don’t want things to change,” Hyunjin murmurs, tucking Felix’s hair behind his ears. “I know you don’t want to skip this show or stop working with LV. Let us help you do the show, yeah? Nicolas loves you, if you saw a piece he was considering for you and you couldn’t wear it, I’m sure you could ask for something with more coverage. We’ll make sure that you’re there, yeah?” 

Felix bites his lip. “I don’t want to be-” 

“I dare you to finish that sentence, Felix,” Seungmin sighs snarkily. 

“Seconded,” Changin huffs. 

“Lixie, at the end of the day, we do have some say in our schedules,” Chan says with a smile. “You should have mentioned this earlier instead of worrying.” 

Felix’s face gets red, and Jisung pulls him into a hug. 

“See, Lixie? ABS fixes all.” 

“You’re all idiots,” Felix says. Then, without changing his tone at all. “I love you.” 

And it’s so blisteringly true. The group as a whole is bonded more closely than ever, and Felix can’t help but think (hope?) that his wings play a serious role, if only so the chaos of his Angel identity can have a positive benefit instead of just complicating things. ABS means that the members are together more often than ever before, and Felix is so joyfully in the middle. Jeongin loves grooming his wings, loves turning Felix into a pile of mush, and it’s been quite a relief as his back and wing pain seems particularly bothersome lately. 

Changbin takes charge of his exercises, constantly encouraging wing curls and coming up with new ways to strengthen the muscles. 

Seungmin simply enjoys walking with Felix, and as such is the first (if he can beat out Hyunjin) to volunteer chaperoning Felix to his schedules, always ensuring that Felix’s wings are bound and his contacts are in before they leave the dorm. 

Jisung just wants to hang out with Felix, and more often than not offers his comfort in tight cuddles, movie marathons, giggling conversations that make Hyunjin and Minho suspicious, but adoringly so.

 Minho, of course, is on the Feed Felix train. Felix is definitely being watched like a hawk at the company – unable to order anything remotely filling at the cafeteria, chided if a member offers him a snack. It’s taking a toll, but it would take a far larger one without Minho’s constant interference. Of course, he also maintains his role as Felix’s HyungTM. After everything – from their joint elimination, to the maturation, Felix feels closer than ever to Minho, and there are moments when his hyung simply pulls him into a tight, silent cuddle for no reason at all than to comfort them both. 

Chan hovers above it all – he watches and listens and learns and, most importantly, intercepts. Felix was so scared that his status as an Angel would overwhelm Chan with undue responsibility, but Chan is so damn good at his job as a leader, Felix isn’t sure why he was worried in the first place. With the invisible wall of secrecy between them now gone, Felix finds himself constantly seeking Chan for comfort: for a slice of home, for the normalcy of his leader worrying, whether it be for the wings or just for Felix’s mental state, for anything at all. 

And Hyunjin. Nothing has changed, and everything has. They’re just as close, and yet so much more. Because Felix’s wings love Hyunjin, and Hyunjin adores Felix’s wings. He’s constantly complimenting them, whispering to them, reminding them – and Felix, when his instincts flare up – that everyone is safe because of them. One morning, when Felix fell asleep in Hyunjin’s bed, he woke to hear him whispering to the wings, thanking them for taking care of them all, reminding them to take care of Felix too. 

He doesn’t know what he did to deserve them. He only knows that the bond of the past month and a half has made this comeback seem a bit less daunting. 

---

His back is exploding. 

That’s the only way Felix can even begin to describe what he’s feeling. 

Everything is pain. Pain, wet heat, fear – both his own and the others’, whoever is with him. 

“We need to free his wings before they tear his back apart.” 

Felix screams. He tries to yell, but his words are robbed from him, the only thing he is seemingly able to do is react to the pain. Stop, no, please just kill me – things he wants to say, but can’t. 

“I can do it-” Minho says above him.

“When this is over, he needs to see you not holding the knife.”  

Felix wants to stop them, primal terror, horrible pain, but he is nothing but blood and shrieks–

---

Felix wakes up screaming. 

Then he’s sobbing. 

Seungmin runs in the room, chest heaving and eyes darting from the apartment door to the window and back again. “What’s wrong? What happened?” 

Felix shakes his head, sobbing – the type of sobbing that is noiseless, a silent scream on the exhale, and a wet, choking sound on the inhale. He wraps his hands around his back, feeling the joints of his wings, running trembling hands across the feathers and pulling them around his body to ensure they’re still there. But he can’t stop crying – the pain is still there, still raking through his body. 

“I’m calling Jinnie,” Seungmin says, grabbing his phone. Hyunjin answers on the first ring. 

“It’s four AM-” 

“You need to come, it’s Felix.” 

The sounds of Hyunjin leaping out of bed are audible. “Is he hurt? Is he safe? Is it-” 

“He’s safe, Jin,” Seungmin interrupts Hyunjin’s panicking quickly, a bit ashamed to have not led with that. “He’s just…” 

Seungmin trails off. In the silence, Felix’s ensuing sob reaching Hyunjin’s ears. “One second.” 

(It takes longer than one second, but not by much.)

Seungmin let’s Hyunjin in, and the man pays him little mind, immediately running to Felix’s bedroom. Felix is still hunched in the corner of the mattress, still clinging to his wings for dear life, still sobbing and shiny with tears. 

“Oh, Angel,” Hyunjin says gently. He sits gingerly on the edge of the bed, clearly not wanting to encroach on Felix’s space if he’s too overwhelmed. Still, Hyunjin reaches a hand out and gently rubs his thumb over Felix’s kneecap. Felix trembles at the contact but doesn’t flinch away. “Baby, what happened.” 

Felix just sobs again, shakes his head. Hyunjin frowns. “You don’t know?” 

Felix shakes his head harder. He does know – and he’s never been so scared. “I - I” He can barely get the air to speak. Hyunjin looks devastated as he moves closer, his arms opening just slightly, and Felix throws himself into his boyfriend's embrace. Hyunjin gasps at how much Felix shakes, all the way down to the tips of his feathers. Hyunjin raises a hand and strokes at the feathers, and Felix jolts in his hold. 

“Did I hurt you-”

“Th-they’re still there, r-right?” Felix chokes on his tears. Hyunjin finds Seungmin’s eyes, equally as shocked as his where he stands in the doorway. 

“Yeah, baby,” Hyunjin strokes the feathers again. “Your wings are still here.” 

Felix breaks into tears again. Hyunjin shushes him softly. “Sunshine, what’s going on? Tell me, I hate seeing you so scared.” 

For a moment, there’s just the sound of Felix’s crying, and the gentle back-and-forth rocking of Hyunjin’s body. And then, in the smallest, most heartbreaking voice, Felix says: 

“I think I-I’m starting to remember.” 

Seungmin makes a choked noise and sinks down the wall to the floor. Hyunjin tightens his hold on Felix just a bit, biting down the sudden rush of tears that threatens to overtake him. 

“Minnie, can you call Minho-hyung?” Hyunjin says. 

Minho arrives within minutes, still in his pajamas and hair mussed with sleep, but eyes alert. He gives Seungmin a quick hug at the sight of the younger’s fear, then finds Hyunjin. Felix is wrapped in his arms, sniffling but seemingly halfway back to sleep. 

“I’m gonna talk to Minho-hyung for a minute, okay baby?” Hyunjin whispers. Felix grumbles and tightens his hands around Hyunjin’s shirt, but doesn’t seem alert enough to fully fight. 

“Lix, cuddle with me,” Seungmin says, nodding to Hyunjin as he walks over. Hyunjin gently lowers Felix back to his bed, and Seungmin wastes no time sliding beneath the covers. Felix latches onto him in an instant, his wings still trembling as they wrap around Seungmin’s body. 

“C’mon,” Minho guides Hyunjin to the living room. “Coffee?” 

Hyunjin glances at the clock on the microwave. Five am. “Might as well. I’m certainly not sleeping. Though I doubt they have any, they’ve both been hooked on those energy drinks.” 

Minho grimaces, but grabs himself and Hyunjin a can each. He sits on the couch, cracks it, takes a gulp, and levels Hyunjin with a serious stare. “What happened?” 

Hyunjin fiddles with the metal tab, clicking it absently. When he speaks, his voice is thick. “He’s remembering.” 

Minho makes a sound like someone’s punched him. “The maturation?” Hyunjin nods. “Fuck, Chan said he’d mentioned it, but I was hoping it wasn’t true…” 

“Hyung, I need you to tell me what happened,” Hyunjin says, the words painful to get out. Minho deflates. 

“I really don’t think you want-”

“If he’s remembering, I need to know what happened so I can talk him through it,” Hyunjin says firmly. “I … I have to be ready to protect him, even if it’s from his own mind.”

Minho studies Hyunjin for a long, heavy moment. Finally, he sighs, eyes flitting to the bedroom, and back. “You’re a good friend, Hyunjin. And a good boyfriend.” Then he steals himself, and speaks. 

Hyunjin is in tears within minutes, but he bites them back for as long as he can. It lasts until Minho describes that first cut, and then the tears start to fall. Minho pauses. “Do you want me to stop.” 

“Keep going,” Hyunjin rasps. Minho nods. Some of his explanations are clinical, removed – the equipment taken, the photo Wooyoung showed them – but Minho can’t keep the emotional side out of it, and when he speaks to those, it’s with a detached voice and glazed eyes, like he’s trying very hard not to remember what it was like. Still, Hyunjin’s heart breaks for Minho when he describes holding Felix down, trying to talk him through the pain despite knowing his words couldn’t truly help. 

Something about the image Minho paints makes Hyunjin’s stomach sink. He knew that the wings were, essentially, cut from his body, but imagining them beneath the skin, the involuntary contraction of the muscles fighting against Felix’s skin, makes the energy drink churn in his stomach. It’s nothing, though, compared to Minho’s description (more detached than ever) of Felix’s unresponsiveness.

“Cover Me?” Hyunjin asks. Minho smiles, but his eyes remain flat. 

“Just a hunch.” 

“Like calling me?” Hyunjin asks. 

“When he went unresponsive the second time, it was worse. Wooyoung was adamant that if Felix himself could release his wings, the magic would build up and … well, yeah. It would be bad. Calling you was a hunch. Felix was so mad at me-” 

“Why?” Hyunjin asks, affronted. 

A ghost of a smile passes over Minho. “He thought it was unfair to you – to go from completely in the dark, to hearing his scream, back to radio silence. To be fair, we didn’t tell him we called you until he read your text, and that was days after the maturation.” 

Hyunjin huffs a singular laugh, eyes flitting to the hall, towards Felix’s bedroom. “Idiot.” 

“I’m just glad you answered,” Minho whispers. “I’m glad you agreed to speak with him. I was seconds away from calling an ambulance – I’d just found out about everything, so I didn’t get how much of a threat the Hunters or anyone else was – and he seemed seconds away from … from dying.” 

Hyunjin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Minho lets him collect himself, the only sounds his occasional sip of energy drink and the infrequent beginnings of birdsong outside. 

“How much …” Hyunjin swallows, and when he opens his eyes, fresh tears pool glassy against his lash line. “How much pain was he in?” 

Minho hangs his head. “I think a lot, Jin. More than I can fathom.” 

“What if he remembers when we’re at a concert? Or during an interview?” Hyunjin says. Minho purses his lips. 

“I guess we’ll just have to be on the lookout and ready to get him out as quickly as possible.” 

Hyunjin sighs and stands. “Thank you for telling me. I … that must have been traumatizing for you.” 

Minho’s head snaps up. “For me? Lix was the one-” 

“It can be traumatizing for you without removing the trauma he experienced,” Hyunjin cuts him off quietly. “But hyung, you had to watch it happen, you know? You had to watch him in pain. I know that he’s special to you, and I know that can’t have been easy.” 

Minho looks away as heat presses at his eyes. He idly scans the just-shy-of-messy living room, then frowns at the kitchen; the company’s meal plan hangs magnetized to the fridge door. 

“He’s just special,” Minho says finally. “Always has been, but I think it being the two of us eliminated … I knew then that I’d do anything to protect him.” 

“Good,” Hyunjin says immediately. “Because it seems like my boyfriend is willing to protect anyone before himself.” 

(When Felix wakes up, the nightmare is already fuzzy on the periphery, and Hyunjin is wrapped around him like a shadow – Felix hardly remembers what happened, and Hyunjin can't bring himself to say.) 

---

ABS

Jinnie: @Channie I need you to get me out of media training today

Jinnie: It JUST got put on my schedule but I can’t go. 

Channie: Why? 

Lixie: Jinnie i said it would be fine !!! 

Channie: Oh. 

Lixie: i have to go to an LV fitting for 2 hours … 

Lixie: i just don’t want to be a burden

 

Hyunjin scoffs at his boyfriend, who lays on the other end of the studio couch, their legs intertwined. Felix raises a challenging brow at him, but the attempt at intimidation is greatly diminished by the sweater paws pooling around his hands and the pigtails Jeongin put in his hair and refused to take out. 

“Is that my hoodie?” Hyunjin asks quietly to not disturb a still-working Han. 

“You like it,” Felix counters, echoing the sentiment that triggered their heated practice room makeout. Hyunjin grins wolfishly, watches the pink spread across Felix’s cheeks. 

“That sounds like flirting,” Jisung growls. “I’m trying to focus, I said you could chill here if you didn’t flirt.” 

Felix giggles, and Hyunjin returns to the task at hand, going back to his phone and creating a new group chat. 

 

ABS minus 1 

Hyunjin: Chan, I know this fitting is important to Lix. If it doesn’t go well, I feel like he’ll definitely drop out of the show. I know he wants me there, please help. 

 

Jisung snorts at his phone. 

 

Chan: It looks like everyone else is busy at the time, and if he wants you there, you should be there. I’ll get your schedule cleared. 

 

And then in the 8-person ABS chat. 

 

Channie: I don’t even know why they put the media training on your calendar, you don’t need it. I’m guessing it was a mistake -- you should be free for the afternoon. 

 

Hyunjin raises a brow at Felix this time, and mouths a quiet: Hah. 

---

The building is as nondescript as any of the skyscrapers in downtown Seoul. Felix smooths down his hair – now un-pigtailed – and straightens out the collar of his blazer. 

“What’s your excuse for being here?” he asks Hyunjin. 

“Can’t I want to spend time with my pretty boyfriend?” Hyunjin quips. Felix rolls his eyes but presses his arm against Hyunjin’s affectionately. 

“I mean what’s your excuse going to be to the people working inside?” 

“Oh,” Hyunjin pauses. “I’ll be your agent. I’m helping you secure the gig.” 

“Jinnie, you’re a famous idol, they know who you are.” 

“Nah, they’ll be so blinded by your beauty they won’t even recognize me,” Hyunjin claims. Felix goes red. 

“Yeah right, look in a mirror,” he says, like his legs aren’t suddenly shaking. 

Upon entering the building, Felix gives the receptionist his name, a dazzling smile, and a halfhearted excuse that Hyunjin is there to accompany him. She seems so stunned by the full force of a Felix smile that she doesn’t protest Hyunjin’s presence at all, instead instructing them towards the elevators. The elevator opens to a large room, not entirely dissimilar to the artist’s loft in its expansiveness. Stylists bustle from side to side, carrying garment bags and pairs of shoes and bucket after bucket of pins and measuring tape. There’s a veritable store’s-worth of clothing racks, beautiful fabrics as far as the eye can see. Felix can practically feel his mouth watering. 

His wings, which are bound more tightly than they ever have before, prickle with what feels like interest. The sensation hovers somewhere between concerning and intriguing. Not a bad, run for your life feeling, but still a feeling. 

“Felix, welcome,” a Stylist, Nari according to her nametag, approaches him with a sunny smile. “I know you’re very busy preparing for your tour, so we so appreciate you taking the time to meet with us.” 

“It’s the highlight of my day, I swear,” Felix grins, his nerves slowly dwindling as his excitement builds. “Oh, this is my, uh, member, Hwang Hyunjin – I asked him to come with me.” 

“Pleased to be here,” Hyunjin says smoothly with a bow. Nari’s eyes twinkle when she recognizes him. 

“Wow, it’s amazing to meet you in person. Would you like to take a seat, or would you prefer to stay with us?” 

“If it’s alright, I’d love to stay with you. Lix-ah is always so excited when it comes to the Louis Vuitton shows, so I’m interested in seeing what goes on.”

Nari is eager to impress. As they wander over to a rack of clothing clearly intended to be one of Felix’s outfits, she explains that Nicolas has personally chosen a series of options for Felix, but that he’d love for Felix to weigh in on his favorites. Immediately, Felix’s remaining nerves vanish – this way, he can choose an outfit he knows will hide his wings. 

Hyunjin oohs and aahs as they look at the different outfits. All of the options are beautiful, though some of them are immediate no’s, as far as wing-coverage goes. Felix wants to scream when he spies a deep brown pant and vest set, leather somehow pleated in a way that reminds Felix of woodworking and architecture, but the back and sides are objectively too open, the top too tight. He also spies a brilliant blue suit, but even from a glance, he can tell the material would bunch against his back. 

“Lix,” Hyunjin whispers. Felix turns to him and sees that Hyunjin’s eyes are practically sparkling where they’re fixed on the final garment. Nari is smiling expectantly when Felix gasps.

“He thought this might be a favorite,” she says. Felix has to hold himself back from sprinting to the garment bag.

“Can I try it on?” He breathes. Nari laughs, and Hyunjin seems to melt a little in adoration. 

“That’s kind of the idea,” she beams. “If you’ll follow me, the other models are changing in the back-”

“Do you actually have a private area at all?” Felix interrupts in a small voice. “Sorry to be a bother, it’s just-”

“Of course,” she says, looking mollified. “My apologies, we do have a more private area – not much, just partitioned curtains, but it acts as a few changing rooms. Once you have it on, you can come out and we can see how things fit.” 

Nari leads Felix and Hyunjin to the back of the warehouse. It’s definitely a bit of a scramble – dozens of models in various states of dress and undress mill about as stylists and tailors pin and prod. Felix feels the familiar stab of insecurity as he passes them – the women are beautiful, seemingly carved from stone; the men are tall, much taller than him, with features so unique that Felix does a few double takes. His wings tingle again.

“Here you go,” she presses the garment bag into his hand and motions to a set up curtains that have been strung up in ad hoc dressing rooms. “Let me know if you have any trouble, of course.”

“I’ll be right outside,” Hyunjin promises him. Felix grins and steps inside. His wings will definitely be sore – their bound tight enough to be a second skin. Felix wanted to do everything in his power to avoid bunching fabric. It works, though. He gets the garment on his body with ease, his excitement building as the fabric brushes against his skin. There’s no mirror in the dressing room, so Felix takes a deep breath and emerges from the dressing room.

Ironically, he sees Hyunjin before he sees himself. Sees Hyunjin’s eyes widen, sees him trip over nothing from where he stands, sees his jaw drop. 

“Angel, you look …” Hyunjin shakes his head, cheeks getting red. “I mean, you just … wow. ” 

Felix is pink faced when he finally steps into the mirror’s line of sight. 

And wow is right. 

The outfit is, definitionally, a white pants and jacket set. Widened, flowy pants – unlike the skin tight leather or overly baggy denim he’s often dressed in – with a half skirt on top that is shorter in the front but long in the back. Felix feels his heart thud with joy at the skirt, at how right the intersection of gender feels when he wears it, how it looks like a gown if he shifts and moves. The skirt and trousers sinch expertly, emphasizing his slim waste. The top is a slightly-cropped blazer – not tight but not oversized, tailored with two canvas strips that dangle from the shoulders. But the real show stopper – the thing that drew him and Hyunjin, probably, to the outfit – are the flowers. Beautiful red-pink flowers, not embroidered with stitching but three dimensional and fabric, are sewn down the front and back of the jacket, down the sleeves. Felix feels like a garden statue come to life. Feels like an Angel. 

(And the flowers look like something Hyunjin would paint , he just knows it). 

“This one,” he says without a moment of hesitation. Because it’s perfect, and because it’s not cropped so high that the bandages are visible, even when he lifts his arms. Because the top is loose, it barely brushes against his wings. 

Because he actually feels really, really pretty. 

Nari is beaming as she pins the fabric – the pants are a centimeter too long, even when they put in him a pair of white platform boots, as are the sleeves, and the jacket could be a bit closer to his sides. That being said, very little has to be done to correct the outfit’s fit. 

“I think he made it with you in mind, but don’t quote me on that,” Nari confides. Felix just grins. Hyunjin watches him the whole time with a dreamy smile that doesn’t dim even once. 

Soon enough, Felix is sent back towards the dressing rooms, and he’s on cloud nine the whole way. He despises removing the garment, but he knows he has no option. Still he lingers, and when he hangs the outfit back on its hanger, it’s with gentle, reverent hands. 

Felix stands there for a moment, pants on but shirt off, his sweatshirt limp in his hands as he observes the stitched flowers. 

A sudden ruffling of the fabric to his right, the curtain that separates his ‘room’ from the ‘room’ beside, startles him, and he forgets to speak for a moment too long. 

“Oh, someone’s in - ah!” 

The curtain pulls back before Felix can hold it in place, and a man steps forward, expression immediately frozen in embarrassment. Felix desperately tries to cover himself with his sweatshirt, but it’s no use, and the man’s eyes trail from his eyes to his torso, to the strategically placed bandages. 

Felix is prepared to shove him away if that’s what it takes, but then he takes in the man before him. Probably around their age, also Korean, familiar in a way that makes Felix think he’s seen him before at fashion events. None of that is what draws his attention; no, the man is also shirtless, and a swath of elastic is also wrapped around his torso in a familiar pattern.

Felix feels that warmth again, that prickle of alertness in his wings, but like when he walked into the room, the prickle doesn’t scream danger in any way. It reminds Felix of a puppy catching sight of its own reflection: curiosity, awareness, likeness. 

“Lix-ah!” Hyunjin sounds panicked as he bursts through the partition, and then his eyes narrow. “Who are you?” 

He doesn’t seem to notice the bandages; Felix instinctively steps closer to Hyunjin, glancing up at the steely glare he wields at the stranger. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” the man bows. “I-I just-” 

“Come on, Felix, get dressed. We’re leaving.” 

Hyunjin sounds every bit the bodyguard their ad hoc ABS group implies, and Felix wastes no time pulling the sweatshirt over his head. He wants to ask, but it’s just a bandage – realistically, this man – Yeong-su says the garment bag – is just sporting an injury of some sort. And yet … 

Felix’s wings flutter just as he pulls the fabric over the bandages. He doesn’t get a chance to see if the man notices, nor if he reacts. Hyunjin is already dragging him out of the dressing area, through slightly-rushed bows of thanks, and out of the building. 

“Jinnie, slow down!” Felix hisses once they’re on the street. 

“Headphones, baby, please,” Hyunjin says. Right, they’re on the street. Lately, Hyunjin doesn’t seem all that panicked about the bell as long as Felix is with him or another member, but Felix can see the anxiety pursing his lips, so he doesn’t question him. Just puts the headphones on as Hyunjin plugs in his airpods, and presses play on the playlist. 

Hyunjin doesn’t let go of his wrist. Felix should say something, but be figures that their tense expressions, combined with the fact that the hold is not hand in hand, would move any paparazzi photo away from dating rumors and towards in-band conflict. Plus, it’s a two minute walk, and they’re outside of the company so quickly that the first song isn’t even finished playing. Felix takes off his headphones and turns to Hyunjin. 

“Who was that guy?” Hyunjin asks lowly. 

“I have no clue! He must have thought my dressing room was empty and walked in by mistake,” Felix says. He twists his arm in Hyunjin’s hold, who immediately realizes how tightly he’d been gripping Felix. 

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”

“I’m not that fragile,” Felix tuts. 

“Being hurt and being strong are not mutually exclusive,” Hyunjin says softly. “Sorry, I just  – I saw him go in and I panicked.” 

They’re in the middle of Seoul. They’re world famous idols in the middle of Seoul on a bustling week day. Felix tries to be as subtle as possible when he brushes his fingers against Hyunjin’s. 

“It’s okay, I get it,” Felix says. “I was pretty startled too.” 

Hynjin lets their fingers link for the briefest of seconds, and even though they’ve spent the past few days entangled with each other, the contact still brings a surge of warmth through Felix’s body. 

“Jinnie, did you see his bandages?” Felix asks quietly. Hyunjin cocks his head. 

“I was more focused on him. Yha, Angel, are you checking out other men?” 

“What! No, it’s just … he has bandages just like mine. Wrapped in the same spots. ” Felix stresses the words. Hyunjin blinks in confusion before letting out a small oh. 

“Yeah, I did see that, now that you mention it.” 

Felix swallows before he speaks. “What if he’s like me?” 

Hyunjin gasps. “What? Felix, it could just be an injury.”

“I know, I know,” Felix grumbles. “But my wings felt alert. Not in a danger way, but like there was something or someone in the room they were reacting to. Maybe it was him. ” 

Hyunjin’s shock turns into a small frown. “If you’re wrong, and you ask him, he’ll probably mention it to someone, and within five minutes, half of the entertainment industry might know that Superstar Lee Felix believes himself to be an angel. ”

“But what I’m right, Jinnie,” Felix whispers. He’s horrified to hear how wrecked he sounds. Hyunjin, too, pauses at the sheer emotion in Felix’s voice, takes a step closer, but not nearly as close as Felix wants him to be. “If … if he has wings, and he’s made this far hiding them, he might be able to help me or give me advice. He might know more about the hunters and how to avoid them.” 

“We will protect you from the hunters,” Hyunjin whispers. “Lixie, we go on tour soon, they won’t be able to get a read on you-” 

“And when we’re back?” Felix asks. “When we’re back, and we get solo schedules that are more demanding, and you all can’t be with me all the time? When it’s vacation and everyone goes home? When you need to live your own lives without worrying about where I am twenty-four seven? Hyune, I can’t spend my entire life running – we don’t know why the bell attracts Angels, we don’t know what Houndswater is or what trail they’re following, and we definitely don’t know how the government might play a role in all of this-” 

“Shh, Angel,” Hyunjin interrupts him tenderly. Felix swallows his tirade like he’s swallowing glass. 

Hyunjin pulls him inside and leads him to the Stray Kids practice room. He doesn’t turn on the lights, just locks the door and pulls Felix into a hug, immediately rubbing his thumb over Felix’s wings. 

“I don’t want to live my whole life scared,” Felix admits. 

“I don’t want that for you either,” Hyunjin’s breath tickles the hairs by Felix's ear. “But baby, please, we’re about to fly to Europe, you have fashion week, and then we have awards shows. I can’t help but feel like there will be too many opportunities for someone to find you.” 

Felix presses his teary eyes against Hyunjin’s shoulder, inhaling that lavender-and-paint scent of him. Hyunjin is right – if Felix confronts this man and he’s wrong, if word gets out to the wrong person, he’s putting himself and the members in danger. 

That gets his wings twitching. 

“You’re right,” Felix deflates. He shifts out of Hyunjin’s embrace and sinks to the floor, exhausted. “Sorry, I just … I really, really liked the idea of meeting someone who got it, you know?” 

Hyunjin watches him in the darkness, face twisting and lips pursing. Then, he exhales dramatically. “God, why do you have -- why can’t --” 

He flops on the floor with a sigh. Felix sits up. “Jin?”

Hyunjin lifts his head, glaring at him. “Do you know how lethal you are with that face? How does anyone deny you anything?” 

Felix grins and bats his lashes. “I think maybe it’s a you problem, Hyune.” 

“I wish,” Hyunjin grumbles, sitting up and moving next to Felix. Immediately, Felix melts against him, throwing his legs over Hyunjin’s lap. “I can’t tell you want to do or not to do – as much as I’d like to lock you in my room and keep you safe from the rest of the world, I know that’s not realistic, and more importantly, not what you want. So, I’d prefer you not talk to the guy, but at fashion week, you can keep an eye on him, look for proof, you know? If you see feathers, then yeah, I think it makes a lot of sense to talk with him.”

“Okay,” Felix nods, spirits lifting immediately. “That’s a good idea. If I get proof, I can try to talk to him.” 

“Preferably not at fashion week,” Hyunjin points out. “And preferably with an ABS member – we don’t want him getting any ideas-” 

“Aw, Hyune, are you jealous?” Felix teases. 

“Of course,” Hyunjin snorts, and that shuts Felix right up. “You’re the prettiest person in the universe, I can’t blame people when they notice, but I’m not going to let people take what’s mine either.” 

Mine. The word coils in Felix’s belly, catches in his throat with a barely-there whimper. The arm Hyunjin has wrapped around his waist tightens, each finger pressing just-shy of hard into his skin. 

“Oh,” Hyunjin breathes, reverently. “You … you liked that?” 

“Yeah,” Felix breathes. In the dark, he doesn’t feel so embarrassed at his obvious lust. “You did too.” 

“Fuck, Angel, ” Hyunjin groans, low and raspy, his head dropping against Felix’s shoulder, his lips brushing against the skin. “You have no idea.” 

“Show me,” Felix whispers. 

In an instant, Hyunjin drags him fully over his lap, a leg on either side, and pulls him into a burning kiss – it’s not so much slow as it is deep, intense, practiced in the way that Hyunjin is with every passion he has. Felix instantly pushes himself closer, and Hyunjin breaks off with a ragged, desperate moan that Felix swallows –

The practice room door flies open, the light turns on, and Jeongin screams. Felix freezes when he catches sight of the maknae, watches him inhale-

“Innie, please don’t-”

“MINHO-HYUNG, THEY’RE DOING IT AGAIN-” 

“Shit,” Felix whispers. A moment later, Minho hyung appears in the doorway, a horrified look on his face when he spots Felix’s position.

“Lee Yongbok, what do you think you’re doing!” He gasps, a hand to his chest. Jeongin, the traitor, smirks. 

“Uh … cuddling?” 

“With your lips?” Jeongin asks coyly. 

“Get off of him!” Minho looks truly horrified. Felix all but launches himself out of Hyunjin’s lap. Jisung appears over his shoulder. 

“Hyung, they’re just making out,” he says. “You do know Felix is a full grown man, right?” 

“Yeah, why aren’t you yelling at Hyunjin!” Felix pouts. 

“Because all the blood has clearly rushed out of his head,” Jisung mumbles. Minho wops him upside the. Felix feels himself turn very, very pink. 

“Han!” Hyunjin growls. He, too, is blushing. 

“Why are you all crowded at the door?” Chan’s voice breaks through the tension as he peers into the room. “Why are you two on the floor? We have practice in two minutes, guys, let’s go!” 

Felix and Hyunjin jump to their feet, though Felix notices with some satisfaction that Hyunjin seems adamant his hoodie be wrapped rather securely at the front of his body. Jisung notices too, waggles his eyebrows at Felix, who winks. 

“How’d the fitting go?” Chan asks. Felix beams. 

“So good!” 

He regails them with details, though he avoids describing the outfit as minutely as he could; he wants them to be surprised. When Hyunjin clears his throat in prompt, Felix also tells them about the man with the bandages. 

“I agree with Jinnie,” Minho says, like Felix knew he would. “You shouldn’t say anything unless you’re sure he’s like you.” 

“I won’t,” Felix promises. But he can’t deny the rare kernel of hope he feels. 

---

They keep getting caught. 

After they nail their first full, strage-ready run through, which leaves Hyunjin glistening with sweat and Felix pink faced, Hyunjin drags Felix into a storage closet and kisses him with such ferocity that Felix thinks he might pass out. They’re thwarted quickly, given that Changbin saw them disappear and immediately went to drag them back. 

Two days later, Hyunjin offers to groom Felix’s wings while they watch a movie with Jeongin and Jisung. When the latter two pause the film to go on a snack run, Felix, already thrumming with pleasure, plasters himself on top of Hyunjin and trails kisses down his neck, across the planes of his chest, bare where his hoodie isn’t fully zipped up, only for Jisung to burst in with a gleeful ‘ aha! I knew it! ’

Seungmin catches them in the living room, an early morning where Hyunjin accidentally woke up at five, accidentally roused Felix, and not-so-accidentally teased the younger into a blushing frenzy. They end up on the couch, Felix halfway to shirtless and squirming beneath a grinning Hyunjin, when Seungmin bursts out to remind them that the walls aren’t all that thin. 

It comes to a head when Chan walks into the studio – where he’d left Felix for a whole three minutes – only to find Felix and Hyunjin in the recording booth, kissing with such a phrenzy that they’re practically dry humping. 

Chan pinches his nose, trying to figure out how the hell he’ll erase that particular image from his mind, walks over to the production panel, and hits the button that allows him to be heard in the booth. 

“Can you both come out here, please?” 

They jump apart so fast that Hyunjin gets his foot tangled in a wire and immediately face plants. Felix gasps and crouches down to help him up while Chan texts Minho. 

 

Mom & Dad

Dad: How do I give Hyunlix the talk? What did I tell you and Ji? 

Mom: Nothing, because we weren’t stupid enough to get caught every five seconds. 

 

“Hey, Chan-hyung,” Hyunjin says lightly, eyes not quite meeting the leaders. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I should probably help-” 

“Sit down,” Chan sighs. “Both of you.” 

Hyunjin and Felix glance miserably at each other but obey. Chan sits at his chair and hangs his head, forearms propped on his knees. 

“I was hoping to not have this conversation, but here we are,” he says. 

“Hyung, I’m so sorry, I -” 

“Lix,” Chan stops Felix with a groan. “Puppy dog eyes will not work right now. Your cute factor doesn’t work until at least ten minutes after I watch you sucking face.” 

“Fair,” Hyunjin acquieses. Felix pouts a bit at the notion that his puppy dog eyes aren’t all powerful. 

“Listen, I am very happy for the two of you. I meant it when I said that watching you pine for each other for years was pretty painful, and I know that the two of you care deeply for each other.” 

Hyunjin bites down a smile. Felix doesn’t bother hiding his beam. 

“But the constant makeouts need to stop.” 

The smiles vanish. 

“It’s not constant,” Felix whines. “If we’d stop getting caught-” 

“But you keep getting caught,” Chan points out. “Every single member has caught you at this point. I don’t get it, you have bedrooms -- why are you making out in practice rooms and supply closets and my recording booth when you have literal bedrooms?” 

“We’re never home long enough,” Felix says quietly. 

“And when we are, the roommates are there too,” Hyunjin adds. “Which, yeah, that’s probably preferable to a practice room, but if Kim Seungmin cornered you with a butter knife about kissing sounds, would you be eager to try again?” 

Chan considers it, then shudders. “I sympathize, guys, I really do, but this goes beyond embarrassment. You’re lucky it’s just been the members catching you. Did it occur to you that the studio door was unlocked? That anyone could have walked in?” 

Felix blanches. So does Hyunjin. 

“I know we’ve been mostly focused on keeping Felix’s secret a secret, but your relationship is a pretty important thing to keep underwraps as well.” 

Felix deflates. “I didn’t … I think I got really wrapped up in how exciting everything felt?” 

“I think I encouraged it,” Hyunjin looks a little more smug than he looks guilty. Chan would be miffed if he wasn’t so enamored with the two dancers. 

“Listen, we’re doing the mini tour soon. Two weeks, five concerts, and then we’re back in Seoul. The Paris nights, I already told them the roommate assignments ages ago, and changing them would seem weird. Plus, Lix really can’t be distracted, right? But for the other nights … what if I got you two shared rooms?” 

It’s a little bizarre to see Felix’s glee – it’s Felix, and Chan isn’t blind, he knows he and all of the members are otherworldly levels of hot, but his protect Felix instinct is so strong that he struggles to see him in such an overt sexual light. 

Hyunjin looks like Chan just told him Christmas came early, his fingers tightening where they clasp his knees. That’s also a little bizarre. A little disturbing. He can practically see Hyunjin brainstorming. 

“Okay, I hate this,” Chan says aloud. “So, if I can swing that, will you please stop hooking up around the company? I understand you’re in the honeymoon phase, but … you get it.” 

“Yes,” Hyunjin says quickly. 

“Sorry, yes, thank you, sorry,” Felix rambles. “I, uh, I need to go find Jisung!” 

He jumps to his feet, gives Chan a backbreaking hug, and Hyunjin a soft peck to the cheek. Hyunjin watches him go and then beams at Chan like he just gave him a billion won. 

“So,” Chan adds, “I’m assuming I don’t need to give you the sex talk, right?” 

Hyunjin chokes. “Hyung, I know we call you dad, but I am an adult man.” 

“Thank God. Okay, please get out now, I need to kill myself.” 

Hyunjin grins sheepishly and jumps to his feet. He pauses just before he leaves. “Hey hyung?” 

“Yeah, Jinnie?” 

“Thanks. A lot. You’re a really good hyung.” 

And then he’s gone, no doubt running to find Changbin or Minho. Chan can’t help but smile. 

“These kids.” 

Notes:

Fashion show? Tour time? A stranger? Can't-keep-their-hands-off-each other Hyunlix?

Next chapter is still quite fluffy, quite steamy, but also has plot. I just needed the fluff intermission with Hyunlix before we jump back into the Angel ThingTM of it all (and to hit some set-up scenes). so LET ME KNOW if you DON'T WANT ANY SMUT AT ALL and I can try to pivot but otherwise buckle in (nothing wild but like, it's smut)

As always, thank u for reading, you're all perfect iconic angels <3

Chapter 14: all i see is red lights

Summary:

There's something about Paris, in more ways than one.

Notes:

Hi hi, I’m back with SO MUCH TO SAY!

First of all, it’s happening. Smut incoming.

BUT – I have also uploaded a clean version of this chapter! Instead of smut, you get fluff (well a quick 'fade to black' and then fluff) <3 It’s at this link here (I’m repurposing the upload I used for Felix’s wings maturation as a general alt. chapter headquarters). I anticipate at least one more scene, probably two, so I want to have a good place to store my alts – I really want people to continue to enjoy this story however they’re comfortable, so I hope this is a good compromise.
Additionally in this upload, like with chapter 6, I have bolded 2 sentences that begin and end the smut of it all. There's no plot implications to the smut, so you are more than able to just skip what's between the bolding on this upload instead of reading the alt if you so desire!

Mind the tags as they’ve been updated to represent the smut. Also holy shit I’ve never blushed this much uploading a chapter. I’ve never actually written smut, but God knows (and probably will kick me out of heaven thusly) I’ve read my fair share, so I hope you enjoy the same kind of smut I enjoy bc that’s what ur getting rip

(also there’s a surprising amount of plot in this chapter i hope u enjoy)

Edited to add: I created 2 playlists, both the one Hyunjin makes for Lix within this fic, and the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this story overall!
~feathers~
air beneath (my wings)

“Please, Chan-hyung, please,” Felix begs, his hands clasped in Chan’s sweater and his eyes as big as he can make them. “The Hunters didn’t think we were there, they might not go back to the loft!” 

“Felix, I said no,” Chan says. He’s serious, stern – Felix over Sunshine or Little One proves that, but Felix is desperate. 

“Just for thirty minutes, that’s it. I’ll take whoever you want, I’ll wear headphones the whole time–

“Felix, that’s enough,” Chan doesn’t shout, but his voice rises. It’s Chan’s version of yelling, really, and it shuts Felix right up. Without the pleading, though, his emotions – as well as the prickling in his wings – take root behind his eyes. Chan must see that these tears, this sadness, are not for show or persuasion, because his sternness cracks, and he takes the hands latched in his sweater to hold in his own. “Lixie, please don’t cry. I know you want to go and fly, but it’s just too dangerous, baby. They caught a trail, right? They could go back to see if they missed anything, or they could be watching and waiting for you to go back.” 

Chan is his final hope. He’s already gone begging to everyone else and been turned down with increasingly concerned insistence. So here he is, desperate, bordering on pained – a pain far too reminiscent of his maturation – pleading with the person he has known won’t budge. 

“What is it, Lix? Why now – it’s not just for fun, right?” 

“Hurts,” Felix says finally. “It feels like my back is going to explode. And we have to get on a plane tomorrow.” 

Something about the phrasing seems to strike a chord with Chan. “I … can you try flying inside the dorms? I know it’s not the same, but if you think it’s magic building up or something?” 

“I … maybe?” Felix shrugs, even as he knows it won’t work somehow. “I really hope that the guy from the fitting is an angel. There’s too much I don’t know…” 

Chan smiles, but it’s a sad smile. “I hope so too, Lixie. Say, why don’t we clear the furniture in here and you can at least hover. That way you won’t hit anything.” 

Felix looks up at the ceiling. His back, his wings, he yearns for the sky, for space, for height. 

But Chan is right – they’re all right. Felix can’t toss away all of the hard work his members have put in just because his wings are feeling bothered. 

“Okay,” Felix says quietly. Chan does most of the work, dragging away furniture, tucking delicate objects into cupboards, even moving the flat screen TV to a separate room. Felix slowly takes off his sweatshirt. He’s wearing one of the shirts with wing-slits cut into them, and while it’s not the easiest to undo the bandages without removing it, it takes him maybe thirty seconds at most. Immediately, his wings twitch open, and Felix groans at the sensation. The feathers are irritated – they don’t lie flat, but rather reach towards a sky they’re not allowed to access. 

“Oh wow, Lixie,” Chan says when he returns and spots the wings. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much you needed this…” 

“S’okay,” Felix grits through his teeth. “I … can I fly now?” 

It’s like his voice isn’t his own. In fact, he feels weeks away. Something needles at the back of his mind, and he pushes it away, uncertain of what it is, but frightened of it nonetheless. 

“Go for it, sunshine.” 

Felix’s wings obey him immediately, stretching to the side, thrusting down–

Felix hits the ceiling with a yelp and hits the ground just as hard. 

“Shit!” Chan runs to him. “Oh my God, are you okay?” 

“Fine,” Felix grumbles, rubbing his head. He looks up to see the drywall cracked. “Honestly, it didn't hurt that much.” 

“Maybe give it a little less power next time?” Chan chuckles. “We do have a show in twenty-four hours.”

“I thought I did,” Felix laughs nervously. “They must have been eager to go.” 

Felix hovers around their apartment for hours. By the end, the gentle ache in his back feels like pure satisfaction. But the itch is still there. 

---

“Here are your schedules,” Jung passes them out paper sheets while they’re waiting in the airport gate, as if the schedules themselves aren’t already in their individual inboxes, as well as Chan’s. Still, Felix likes having a physical piece of paper for a tour, likes checking off the events with pride. A glance down fills him with equal parts trepidation and excitement. 

“Are you nervous?” Jeongin asks, peering at Felix’s schedule and pointing to his first event after their concert: the fashion show. 

“Yes and no,” Felix shrugs. “It’s how I always am. It’s kind of the same with concerts, just not as easy because you all aren’t there.” 

“We’ll be there this time,” Changbin wraps an arm around Felix’s shoulders. “And the afterparty.” 

“Also known as networking,” Felix sighs. 

The day after the Paris concert, he has the fashion show, and a Fansign the day following. They’ll all fly to Spain from Paris to play a concert in Madrid. Then it’s off to London for two days, Amsterdam, Frankfurt, and finally Rome. After all of that, they return to Seoul for three back-to-back concerts. It’s a bit unorthodox to end the micro tour in Seoul, but not long after that, they will continue touring across Asia, then head to the Americas. At some point, they’ll end up in Sydney – either before going to Asia or after. Felix prays it’s before, because he’s greedy, though ending in Sydney would allow him to stay longer, see his family. 

They get first class, and Hyunjin and Felix wordlessly sit beside each other. Already, his wings are protesting – they’ve been doing that more and more often. As soon as they’re settled (Felix is given the window seat before he can even start to plead), Hyunjin runs his thumb across his feathers. Like always, he has a sixth sense for where the joints curve and bend, and like always, the contact relieves the tension and prickling. 

“You gonna try to sleep?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Mhmm,” Felix says. He shuffles and sinks so he can lean his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder, immediately putting on his (Hyunjin’s?) headphones. Yellow pulls him to sleep in an instant. 

---

“We’re going to have to cut them out.” 

“I can't just watch him die!” 

Felix jolts awake with an hour and a half to spare. Hyunjin grumbles, also lost to dreams, when Felix shudders, but he quickly settles again, his head pillowed against Felix’s own. Felix takes the neck pillow he brought and gently swaps it with his own skull. 

The dream is forgotten before his Switch is even fully powered on. 

---

There’s no time to be nervous about the concert because the second they land, they’re whisked straight to the venue. They immediately run to the stage where they test their microphones and any necessary equipment – moving platforms, open floor panels, rising curtains, and the likes. Then they’re sent to get dressed and styled. They eat in between, and Minho hides extra food in the bathroom so Felix is able to eat more than an undressed salad under the watchful eye of Jung. 

It’s a blur – the first concert always is. A blur of sweat and dancing and vocal cords made raw. Felix almost cries, but manages to choke the tears down. All he knows is that he’s so blissfully happy, blinded at the sudden realization that he made it. He didn’t die when the wings burst from his back, didn’t die because Hunters got a hold of him, didn't have to flee to Australia and leave his members behind. No, he’s here, dancing and screaming and hugging any member that passes within a three foot radius, and it’s all so good. 

By the end of the show, they stumble like they’re drunk. Exhausted, exhilarated, jet lagged: the whole gamut. Felix’s wings ache as he releases them; he’ll have to prepare better for the days where their flights land in the mornings and their concerts begin the same night. He lets the hot water of his shower soak each and every feather (though the feathers themselves seem to repel water more than they absorb it, he likes to imagine whatever mico-bones within them are soothed by the heat). He’s been assigned to room with Minho, and his hyung doesn’t even offer, just guides Felix to his bed and massages his muscles, strokes the feathers, hums under his breath as Felix is dragged to unconsciousness. 

“It’ll be a tight bind tomorrow,” Minho reminds him. 

“I know, hyung,” Felix mumbles sleepily. Minho chuckles and presses a kiss to the crown of his head. 

“Then you get Jinnie all yourself, huh?” 

Felix smiles into the pillow, and then he’s out. 

---

Every single member sees him off in the morning. They could have slept in – Felix told them to sleep in – but their presence is unsurprising in a way that makes his whole body tingle. Hyunjin steps forward with the headphones. 

“Fully charged,” he tells Felix, slipping them over Felix’s neck. His hands are shaking. 

“I’ll be okay, Jinnie,” Felix promises. Hyunjin smiles, but it’s shaky. 

“Just be careful, Angel.” 

He’s ushered into a car by a perplexed manager who’s probably wondering why the other seven boys are awake at eight AM. 

The venue is an explosion of florals – hundreds of flower strands dangling from the high ceiling, explosion after explosion of blossom covering every available patch of floor besides the runway, arching arrangement crowing the tall windows of the warehouse. Felix holds back an unprofessional gasp as he’s led casually past the runway and into a back door. 

Nicolas’s team intercepts him quickly, and he has to remove his headphones, but away from Seoul, away from the only Hunters he’s seen, he feels safer. He feels safe as he is fitted a final time for his outfit, as his hair is done (slightly curled, half-up, half down with tiny braids that make him wish Hyunjin was here, braiding the strands), and as his makeup is applied. When his makeup artist is finished, he is dewy and sparkly in a way that is less glitter, more sheen. Felix is ushered to line up, the space a blur of models, body heat, and hairspray, and he glows gold . 

No matter how hard he tries, he’s unable to find the man – Yeong-su, his brain supplies – likely due to the fact that his preparation area is offset from the other model’s. Maybe the afterparty? 

He checks his phone with shaking hands. 

 

7 kids 1 dad

Mama Cat: can’t wait to see you, bbokie! 

Cheeked Up: YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST !!! 

Aegyo King: show them what you’re made of, pretty <3 

Fetus: Fighting, hyung! Fuck yeah! 

Devil Incarnate: you already know you’re hot, go show everyone else 

Daddy: Proud of you, sunshine! We’re all waiting and excited!

 

Hyunjin’s text appears in their personal messages, not the group. 

 

Prince: I can’t wait to see you, my pretty Angel. 

 

“Felix, are you ready?” Nicolas beams at him. Felix jumps to his feet. My pretty Angel. 

“Very,” he beams. 

“We’re going to have you go right here behind Yeong-su, you know the pace we’re setting so just remember to breathe and enjoy it–”

But Felix isn’t listening anymore, because as Nicolas positions him in the line, it’s right behind the man from the fitting. He doesn’t seem to realize that Felix is there, his eyes are closed and his hands tap against his suit pants in time with the distant music coming from the runway. 

Nicolas gives Felix a tight squeeze to the shoulder (hugging once fully dressed is not ideal moments before walking a runway). Felix takes a deep breath. 

“Nervous?” He asks Yeong-su. 

Yeong-su jumps and turns, eyes widening when he sees Felix. His eyes dart, panicked, around the space, and Felix files that away: panic, secrecy, perhaps fear that Felix is about to say the wrong thing in the wrong place. 

“A bit,” Yeong-su says instead. “You’re Lee Felix, right?” 

“That’s me,” Felix smiles. 

“I listen to your music,” Yeong-su says, but he doesn’t say it with adoration. He says it anxiously, still studying Felix. Maybe he’s looking for a ring of gold around his eyes. Maybe his own wings feel prickly and alert. 

Or maybe Felix is reading too far into everything. 

“I appreciate that,” Felix says instead. If he’s right, he doesn’t want to scare Yeong-su away. “Do you model in Paris a lot?” 

“Um, I usually model in Seoul, but Fashion Week takes me globally.” 

“Cool,” Felix says. “Seoul fashion is amazing, though, that must be exciting.” 

Finally, Yeong-su smiles. It’s a twitch of a thing, but it eases some of Felix’s anxiety. 

“It is,” he agrees. “But your job must be insane. You played a concert last night, right?” 

“Yeah, tomorrow we have a Fansign, and then we’re off to London for another concert. We’ll end up in Seoul in a couple weeks, but there'll be a lot of shows in between.” 

“A Fansign? What does that mean?” 

“Fans can come and meet us, give us presents, we autograph, et cetera,” Felix explains. “It’s honestly really nice – makes me feel less like a shiny toy the company throws on a stage and more like a real person.” 

“I know how it feels to be a shiny toy,” Yeong-su says. “The modeling world is no walk in the park. Feels like my body is always at the edge of breaking down, you know?” 

Felix pauses. Yeong-su is looking at him keenly, and Felix knows he’s fishing for something. 

“Yeah, my back tends to bother me most.” 

“That sucks,” Yeong-su says. Felix wants to scream. He can’t tell if Yeong-su is just complaining, or if they’re speaking in the same coded riddle. 

“Alright, let’s begin, yes?” Nicolas claps his hands. Yeong-su immediately turns to the front. Felix finds himself starting at his back, but he pushes his suspicions away and gets ready for the show to start. 

---

Stray Kids sits in a line of seven, likely looking vaguely insane in the way parents might appear before a child’s piano recital. Everyone else is chattering about the show, about what they know of the line and what other designers they’re eager to see, but Stray Kids are here for one person and one person only. 

“Do you think he’s nervous?” Jeongin asks. Hyunjin considers the question. 

“Probably, but in a good way,” he says. “The outfit he got is so perfect for him, so I think he’ll feel really pretty. He’s always more confident when he feels pretty.” 

“So all the time,” Jeongin snorts. Hyunjin grins. 

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend you’re complimenting.” 

Jeongin smirks at him. “Come on, Jinnie, calling Felix pretty is as much a given as calling you a dummy.” 

“Kids, at least try to pretend we’re here professionally,” Chan leans across the group. No sooner are the words out of his mouth than the overhead lights dim, the only illumination pooled of spotlights on the runway. Hyunjin’s heart quickens, and he clasps Jeongin’s hand. 

The show is beautiful – the clothes are so diverse, from function to form, but they all match the ocean of flowers and metallic accents of the space perfectly. 

When Felix emerges, every single member of Stray Kids gasps. Felix moves with pure confidence, his feet sure and gait fierce. The outfit looks even more beautiful on him than Hyunjin remembered, and his breath is taken away as Felix begins to walk. His eyes are like fire, the lines of his jaw and cheekbones sharp as knives. Hyunjin hears whispers from beside and behind him as Felix struts the runway. When he passes the kids, his eyes don’t flit towards them, but Hyunjin swears his posture grows somehow stronger, swears the light illuminates him even more strongly, if just for a moment. 

They cheer far more raucously than anyone else when the show ends. 

“I’m so ready for this after party,” Minho sighs when everything is finally over. “I need a drink.” 

The afterparty ends up taking place in some fancy, enormous townhouse not too far from the show venue. Hyunjin doesn’t think anyone lives there, but assumes the building exists solely for these types of events. The furniture inside looks more akin to the sleep couches and low tables he’s seen at upscale clubs, and the kitchen – blocked off from view – seems more akin to a catering station. There are multiple bars, at least two in the massive living room-turned-reception space and one outside in the backyard. Music pulses throughout the room, from the tile floors up to the arching ceilings, two storeys of space filled with laughter and dancing and perfume. 

Stray Kids arrive there early and play picture-perfect idols while waiting for Felix – it’ll take him a bit of time to thank Nicolas (and, because he’s Felix, likely every other staff member and model working the vent), get undressed, and put on his outfit for the afterparty. Hyunjin finds himself antsy in Felix’s absence, and Changbin is quick to shove a glass of sparkling wine into his hand. He tries to focus on the conversations he’s engaged in. As the Prince of Versace, his face is quickly recognized by many at the event, and he hopes the low, pulsing lights disguise his blush when someone likens himself and Felix and royals of the fashion world. 

Finally, the models and LV higher ups begin to arrive. 

When Felix enters, Hyunjin swears the gravitational pull of the earth shifts. It’s always been like that with Felix – he enters a room, and attention goes right to him, regardless of what he’s doing or how he looks. As it is, Hyunjin finds himself wondering if his angel maturity is subconsciously tenable to Nicolas, because he’s gifted Felix an outfit fit for the divine. 

A white suit, and so much more. The back is embroidered with golden thread, flowers not unlike the ones that littered his outfit at the show, and they sprout from his spine so closely to the shape of actual wings that Hyunjin would have been suspicious had Felix not told him this particular suit was made years ago. Rather than slacks, he wears what is ultimately a knee length pleated skirt, the same fabric as the jacket. It shouldn’t work, should come across as less formal, but paired with the shining white platform boots and a semi-transparent, button down shirt (also embroidered, and thick enough that you can’t make out his bandages), he looks expensive. Looks like he belongs, but doesn’t – ethereal, art leaping form a canvas to bless mere mortals. 

Guest after guest drift in his orbit, and while Felix engages with each and every person with such honest, genuine attention, he’s also clearly searching for the members in between conversations. They know he can’t actively search him out, not as Nicolas guides him between groups, introducing him with a reverence Hyunjin is grateful for. Still, Hyunjin moves towards Felix’s line of sight, and the Angel seems to sense him. His eyes lift, and his smile widens to blinding. 

“ Beautiful, ” Hyunjin mouths. Felix bites his lip and goes red. His boyfriend is stunning, and Hyunjin has never felt prouder of him. Felix whispers something to Nicolas, and then he’s moving towards the members, his professional gait speeding up and his smile shifting from alluring to joyful. 

“Beautiful,” Hyunjin repeats when Felix is close enough. He can’t embrace him the way  he wants, so he settles for linking their pinkies together. 

“You did an amazing job, Little One,” Chan tells him. 

“I’m so glad you were there,” Felix says. “Did you have a good time? Are you having a good time?” 

“The best, but don’t worry about us,” Minho tuts. “There’s free alcohol and gourmet food. You just go out there and charm the crowd.” 

“Yes, hyung,” Felix says in that almost-bratty tone he loves to use with the hyungs. That almost-bratty tone Hyunjin wants Felix to use with him. 

“We’ll be around,” Hyunjin promises him. “Go be your pretty self. They won’t know what to do with you.” 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Felix blushes, but he accepts a glass of champagne, brushes his finger against the back of Hyunjin’s hand, and reenters the throng. 

---

‘Not true’ Hyunjin’s ass. 

The lights are dark and red, the air smoky with whiskey and cigarettes and expensive cologne. The members have loosened up, much like the other guests at the party. It no longer feels quite as professional, debauchery and celebration loosening ties and tongues alike. Everyone is having fun. Hyunjin should be having fun with them. Hyunjin nurses another glass of wine, eyes scanning the crowd. 

“You look a little too murderous for comfort,” Jisung warns him as he sidles up beside him at the bar. 

Hyunjin side eyes him and goes back to staring. Felix drifts like an errant sun; it seems like he can’t take more than two steps before someone is dragging him into another conversation, where they more often than not leave red and stuttering, Felix none the wiser to his own power. 

“It’s a part of his job, you know,” Minho appears on his right, amber whiskey in his hand but eyes sharp. “He has to network, has to be seen.” 

Hyunjin grunts, watches Felix laugh bright and honest. He throws his head back, then takes a long sip of champagne, his tongue licking for a fractional moment across those perfect lips–

“Watch out, I think you’re going to start drooling,” Minho tuts. “I don’t even want to know what you’re thinking about.” 

Hyunjin watches as a tall man (taller than Hyunjin? He can’t tell, but the thought makes him feel like breaking something) joins the conversation Felix is having with one of the other models and, in doing so, lets his hand linger on Felix’s lower back a bit too long. 

“Still think I’m being ridiculous?” Hyunjin hisses to Minho.

“Maybe not,” Minho sounds closer to murderous too. Jisung groans. 

“My god, this is the oddest sort of male posturing I’ve ever watched,” he tuts. “Felix is a big boy, he’s done this before. The only difference is we’re seeing it now.” 

His words do nothing to quell Hyunjin’s possessiveness nor Minho’s low growls. Jisung sighs exasperatedly and orders another drink, and they all watch the tall man adjust their location further away from the crowd with a small touch to Felix’s elbow. Felix’s posture stiffens, and it’s probably unnoticeable to anyone else, but when you’re with someone day-in day-out for years, you tend to pick up on signs of discomfort. As if called by an unknown power, Chan and Changbin both appear at the bar as well, all of their eyes fixed on Felix. 

“I don’t like that,” Changbin says. 

“He’s okay,” Jisung promises, but even he is sitting up a little straighter. 

The man leans towards Felix with a grin, one hand still stirring his drink, the other rising to the wall near Felix’s head. Hyunjin sees the moment that Felix clocks the situation, the way his smile goes rigid, the way his posture stiffens. The others do too, he can tell. Minho makes a noise that reminds him of an angry cat. Chan just straight up curses.

The others might react too, but Hyunjin doesn’t know, because he’s already moving quickly across the room. As he nears, he can see the panicky flit of Felix’s eyes as he doubtlessly searches for them, can hear the way his voice jumps pitchy and scared:

“- that’s really kind of you to say, but I think you’ve misunderstood-“

“Pretty little thing like you?” The man croons, taking a small step closer that backs Felix fully against the wall. “C’mon, you have to know what you do to people.”

“I’m really not sure-“

“Excuse me,” Hyunjin cuts in with a growl. He wraps his hand around Felix’s upper arm a bit harder than necessary. “Apologies, I've been looking for him.”

“Ah, hello,” the man says with a smile that does nothing to disguise the frustration in his eyes. “We’re actually in the middle of a conversation.”

“Didn’t look like much of a conversation” Hyunjin can’t help himself from snapping. “Backing someone into a corner isn’t the best form of flirting, in my opinion.” 

The guy sneers. “What are you, his boyfriend?”

He feels more than hears Felix’s sharp intake of breath. Hyunjin’s vision pulses red at the edges. He’s never hated the restriction of being an idol as much as he does now. He wants to scream at this asshole that yeah, actually, he is Felix’s boyfriend, and he’ll happily take this guy outside in order to get the point across.

But this is still a job, no matter how much it feels like a party. This is still Felix’s future with LV, even if Felix is looking at Hyunjin with something between concern and awe. 

No, not awe. Felix’s pupils are huge and black. Even with the contacts, Hyunjin swears he sees a flash of gold at the very edge of his iris. And his lips are parted, just a bit, plump and pink and likely tasting of some overly-sweet cocktail. 

“He’s mine,” Hyunjin can’t stop himself from saying. Partially a test. Fully the truth.

His hypothesis is confirmed when Felix shivers just a bit. 

“Whatever,” the guy says. “He’s a tease, anyway.”

But Hyunjin isn’t listening. Hyunjin is far too focused on the heat slowly but surely pooling in his gut, at the way Felix feels unbelievably small where he stands, shivering. Hyunjin isn’t listening when he tightens his grip (and he doesn’t think he’s imagining the low, barely there hitch of Felix’s breath, but he definitely files it away for later) and drags him through the party, out of the venue, and into the backyard. 

Music is louder here, somehow, the party wilder if possible. Hyunjin’s eyes zero in on a small shed, like for gardening tools and other landscape maintenance uses, and he moves his hand to the back of Felix’s neck to guide him in its direction. He can feel the hummingbird pulse of his heart like this, can feel the low, barely-there moan rumbling in his throat. As soon as they’re inside ( landscaping tools, empty plant pots, a wooden table ), Hyunjin pushes Felix against the closed door and growls his way into a kiss.   

“Fuck,” Hyunjin pants. He licks a stripe up the fragile column of Felix’s neck, then sucks a mark he knows will be purple come morning. “Can’t let you out of my sight without everyone wanting a piece of you, huh?”

“Only want you,” Felix moans. Hyunjin is surprised at how breathy he sounds, how thoroughly wrecked he seems to be without a single touch. “M’yours.”

Something snaps inside of Hyunjin. He lifts Felix up at the waist, his hands cupping his ass as he puts Felix down on the rickety table. Felix moans at the show of strength, and Hyunjin grins into their next kiss. 

“Mine,” he growls and slots his thighs between Felix’s legs. Sure enough, he feels the hear there, the undeniable hardness. The feeling makes Hyunjin dizzy with lust, with pride. “Should leave marks all over you, shouldn’t I? Show everyone that you’re taken, that they shouldn’t even dare to talk to you.”

“Fuck, Hyune,” Felix gasps, and he bucks his hips almost unconsciously, grinding against Hyunjin’s legs. Hyunjin’s watches in awe as Felix’s goes somehow pinker, as his lips part in a whimper. 

“S-sorry.”

Hyunjin shifts a bit so he can pull Felix against his thigh, encouraging him. “Oh baby, did I turn you on so much? Can’t even hold yourself back?”

It’s half a shot in the dark, half hypothesis. Felix is sensitive, but he likes to be teased. And when Hyunjin teases him he goes the prettiest shade of pink. Hyunjin had been wondering – did Felix like a little teasing with his pleasure? A little condescension? A little something to brat back against? 

Sure enough the condescending barb makes Felix buck his hips again. Hyunjin kisses his way back to his lips, his hands resting at his hip bones. 

“That’s right, sweetheart, make yourself feel good.”

He helps Felix roll his hips against, his own cock pulsing at the heat, at the breathy little moan that bubbles out of Felix’s throat. Felix doesn’t apologize this time, too high on the pleasure, the friction, too desperate to come. 

“M’already so close,” Felix whimpers. His eyes are shiny, so pleading and innocent at absolutely at contrast with the way he’s desperately moving those hips-

“Already?” Hyunjin coos, as if he isn’t rock hard in his slacks. “What, any guy acts a little possessive, shows you a little muscle, and you’re ready to come in your pretty skirt?”

Felix moans, loud and wanton, “Only you,”. His eyes are teary as he ruts again and again on Hyunjin’s legs, as Hyunjin’s moves his body to help Felix chase his pleasure. “Only for you.” 

“Of course you cry when you come,” Hyunjin wonders aloud. “God you’re perfect.”

“Please,” Felix is stuttering now, movements erratic. The first tear spills, and Hyunjin licks it off with the tip of his tongue before Felix adds in a whisper. “Please, hyung.”

Hyung . The word slices pleasure from Hyunjin’s ears and straight to his cock. It’s a miracle Hyunjin doesn’t spill over on the spot. Instead, he grips Felix’s hips tighter, helping him to keep the friction.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so good,” Hyunjin praises. “So, so good, so pretty.” 

Felix whimpers and moans and writhes and wants. Hyunjin leans to whisper against the shell of Felix’s ear. “C’mon, Angel, show hyung how pretty you look when you come.”

(And Hyunjin has thought about it far more than he’d ever admit. Has thought about how Felix would look in the throes of pleasure, wondered if he’d go quiet and silent and still, or if he’d collapse and tremble.)

Somehow, he’s more beautiful than Hyunjin could imagine. When his pleasure finally peaks, Felix tilts his head back, eyes half lidded and hazy. His cheeks are pink and tear stained, his mouth opens, and he moans — somehow both timorous and whiney, perfect for Felix in all of his duality. All of the muscles in his body go taught, an uncontrollable tremble. Hyunjin guides Felix’s hips as they stutter against his legs so he can ride the high of his orgasm, groans when he feels the warm, wet heat through the fabric of Felix’s skirt. 

“God you’re perfect,” Hyunjin murmurs, kissing Felix’s hairline. “So perfect for me, my Angel.”

Felix moans again at the pet name, though the sound is softer and satisfied than his desperate moans. Hyunjin kisses him gently across his head and face while Felix’s heavy breaths slow. 

Then Felix hides his head.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asks, just shy of nervous. “Wait, was that okay? 

Felix laughs. “Okay? That was perfect. I’m just embarrassed. You got a teensy bit possessive and I went and came about it fully clothed. ”

“Does it help if I say it was so fucking hot,?” Hyunjin says huskily, gently petting Felix’s hair. “Seriously, the hottest experience of my life?”

Finally Felix pulls back. His makeup is more than a little smudged, running where his tears breached his lash line. “Really?”

He blinks up at Hyunjin with big eyes through dark lashes. Hyunjin feels his cock pulse and he shifts a bit to avoid following in Felix’s wake.

“The fact that you’re so turned on by me that you can’t stop yourself from coming against my leg?” Hyunjin goes for nonchalant, but a moan still punches the vowels of his words. “The fact that being mine gets you to the edge that quickly? Yeah, Lix, it’s pretty fucking hot.”

Felix shifts his leg and in doing so brushes against Hyunjin’s cock. Hyunjin doesn’t manage to swallow his groan.

He sees the moment Felix shifts from pleasure-drunk to straight up minx.

And suddenly Felix is sinking to his knees.

“Lix what are you doing?” Hyunjin barely breathes. Felix looks up again. Hyunjin has pictured this exact scenario before, but like Felix’s orgasm, it can’t compare to the real thing. Felix looks so deviously innocent, and while Hyunjin knows he’s no virginal saint, a newfound urge to corrupt him has precum beading in his briefs. 

He’s helpless when Felix undoes his belt, helpless when Felix pulls his slacks down just enough that he can see the straining bulge, the wet patch against the grey material. Helpless when Felix tugs the elastic down and Hyunjin’s cock springs free, so hard it’s red at the tip.

Felix’s eyes widen.

“You’re big,” he whispers, the air of his words blowing against his shaft. Hyunjin bites his lip hard enough to bleed to keep from careening over the edge right then and there. 

“Can I suck you off?” Felix asks. Hyunjin moans.

“I’m not gonna last, baby,” he says. Felix grins.

“I didn’t either, hyung.” 

Hyunjin groans, both at the honorie and at the sensation as Felix wraps a small jand around the shaft and runs his thumb along the sensitive underside of his head. Hyunjin bucks his hips, just a bit. 

And then Felix licks at the slit, and Hyunjin’s hand instinctively finds purchase in that long, blonde hair. Felix moans when Hyunjin tugs at the strands, opens his mouth, and lets Hyunjin slowly feed his cock down his throat.

“Jesus, baby, look at you.”

Felix looks up at him, the tears back and messy and so, so pretty. He shouldn’t be able to be pretty choking on a cock that looks obscenely big in his hands. It’s warm and wet and perfect and Hyunjin is going to last thirty seconds at most.

And thenFelix starts to move. His head bobs up and down, throat tightening as he fights his gag reflex, but after a few moments, he can get his nose pressed right against Hyunjin’s pubic hair. He does it again and again, sucking and licking at each pass. Hyunjin’s breaths stutter and he moans at the feeling, at the image, at the quick-building heat.

“So perfect baby,” he encourages. “You look so good on my cock.”

Felix whimpers at the praise, the prettiest pink and Hyunjin wants to color match a paint just like this, Felix on his cock while Hyunjin compliments him until he can get the shade just right. 

Felix pauses, kitten-licking at his tip, glancing up through those long lashes with those huge, sparkling eyes.

“Maybe I’m just made to take hyung’s cock.”

Later, Hyunjin will realize that Felix is, as Seungmun has claimed, a demon, because there’s no way Felix didn’t know what those words did. But as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he takes Hyunjin all the way to the back of his throat, and Hyunjin doesn’t have even a half second to warn him. His orgasm hits him like a tidal wave, his vision almost whiting out as he watches Felix — unblinking, desperate beneath him — take every drop, moaning almost as loudly as Hyunjin. He sucks gently, slowly, until Hyunjin is just cresting into overstimulation. Then Felix pulls off, wipes a drop of come from the corner of his mouth, and sucks it off the tip of his thumb.

“So,” Felix says. “hyung kink?”

Hyunjin groans in embarrassment. 

“It’s hot!” Felix promises. “I like it too, hyung. ”

Hyunjin’s softening cock twitches. Felix grins, a little feline, a little bratty. 

“You’re dangerous,” Hyunjin hisses as he pulls his pants back up. He reaches a hand down and helps Felix to standing. Felix winces. 

“Your back?”

“No, my, uh, underwear.” 

He goes so red, and he looks so thoroughly debauched. His knees are red and will certainly be bruised (and shit, Hyunjin shouldn’t like that so much, but he does), his hair is just a bit too messy to be tousled, and his lips are puffy and swollen. Hyunjin brushes away some of the eyeliner that smudged with his tears. 

“You look so beautiful like this, Angel,” Hyunjin breathes it with all the weight of a confession. 

“So do you,” Felix whispers. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to go back out there with … after…” 

“With come in your skirt?” Hyunjin teases. Felix whimpers. 

“Stop it, you demon,” Felix growls. “I cannot get hard again.” 

Hyunjin fixes Felix’s hair back into place and smoothes out his clothing. If someone knew what to look for, it would be obvious: Felix just got halfway to railed in a garden shed, and Hyunjin’s no better.

Hyunjin presses a soft kiss to Felix’s lips, then the tip of his nose, then his temple. Felix worms his way into a hug, sighs against the warmth.  

“You okay to stay?” Hyunjin asks softly. “It’s late, Nicolas won’t blame you if you go back.” 

“Let’s see how the other members are feeling,” Felix decides. “Plus I should, uh, find a bathroom.”

(Hyunjin really shouldn’t like that as much as he does). 

They exit the shed surreptitiously, no one seeming to even notice their presence. Everyone at the party is too lost to the aphrodisiac combination of alcohol and exhaustion. Hyunjin and Felix quickly find a few remaining members at the bar, and Seungmin’s eyes flit devilishly from Hyunjin’s slightly-rumpled slacks to Felix’s bruising knees and puffy lips. 

“Ew,” he says. Jisung glances over, narrows in on the very same details, and squeals. He grabs Felix by the wrist. 

“Tell me everything.”

“Come to the bathroom with me and I will,” Felix sighs, defeated but also a bit too pleased for Hyunjin’s liking. 

He’s left with Minho, who watches their boyfriends practically skip through the room. He looks at Hyunjin with a mix of amusement and poorly-concealed rage. 

“Do I want to know where you two were?” 

Hyunjin steals Minho’s cocktail, takes a long sip, and grins. “Nope.”

---

The Fansign takes place in a relatively nondescript conference building. The boys take longer to wake up than normal – between the flight, the concert, the show, and the afterparty, they’re far too tired to do much more than chug caffeine and hope it works. 

Felix feels especially drained, but not in the worst way; more in the way that a maelstrom of emotions can drain someone. He’s giddy from both concert and show completed without any trouble from his wings; he’s frustrated that he couldn’t find Yeong-su at the after party and more than a little worried about the very public event they’re about to walk into. On top of all of that, he can’t stop blushing when he thinks about last night. 

He’s curled up on the green room couch. The stylist put him, and all of the boys, in cozier outfits than normal, and he wishes the soft, baby blue sweater would swallow him up. They left him in shorts – distressed white denim above chunky white sneakers – and he finds himself staring at the bruises on his knees. They’re not particularly noticeable, not like the mark blooming on his neck that his makeup artists didn’t comment on but did cover with a knowing raise of her brows, but Felix finds himself fighting an urge to press at the purpling skin. 

“Ready?” Hyunjin asks. He’s also in a sweater, a glowy mustard color, over loose black jeans. 

“For a nap,” Felix grumbles. Hyunjin rolls his eyes and tugs Felix to standing. Chan motions the group together before they head out, pulling them into a huddle. 

“Just hang in there for a few hours, and then we get to sleep, right?” He says, half joking, half serious. 

“That’s the dream,” Jisung yawns, leaning his head on Minho’s shoulder. 

“This should be a pretty easy Fansign, so just try to enjoy, yeah? But … Lix?”

Felix squirms at the seven pairs of eyes that find him. “Yes?”

“You feel anything weird, you hear anything weird, I want you to tell whoever is next to you that you need to get a fresh pen. They’ll take you back here, and we’ll pause the event.” 

Felix sighs sharply. He hates this frustration, hates feeling like a burden. 

“It’ll be fine,” Felix says. 

“I’m sure it will be, but I need you to tell me you know what to do if something goes wrong,” Chan looks at him pleadingly. 

“I’ve got it, hyung,” Felix murmurs. 

“Alright,” Chan smiles, kicking at the toe of Felix’s sneaker until the younger chuckles. “Let’s get out there.” 

There’s quite a crowd waiting for them, but the doors haven’t been opened yet, so the boys line up at their assigned spots on the small stage. Felix is positioned towards the end, between Minho and Seungmin. Hyunjin keeps glancing down at him until Changbin audibly groans and hits him on the shoulder. 

Meeting the fans, even when tired, is satiating in some way. Felix finds his exhaustion fading quickly with every interaction. By the time the line is at its end, he’s actually energetic again. He keeps teasing Minho when he’s waiting for the next Stay to approach; when Seungmin threatens to bite him, he bothers Seungmin instead, almost missing the next fan in line.

“I’m a huge fan,” a voice says – male, older, and in Korean. 

Felix looks up and nearly forgets to keep smiling. It’s Yeong-su, and he looks every bit as nervous as Felix suddenly feels. 

“Thank you,” Felix says, remembering to respond. “You’re - I - you’re here?” 

Yeong-su exhales through his nose. “I almost didn’t come.” 

Minho and Seungmin are both obviously listening. Minho’s hand creeps under the table and squeezes at his knee. His hyung’s eyes flicker to the other fans waiting in line, reminding him that he’s still being watched. Felix shakes his head a bit and smiles at Yeong-su.

“Do you, uh, want me to sign anything?” Felix asks. 

“I actually brought something for you,” Yeong-su. Felix sees, then, that he has a tote bag over his shoulder. He pulls a small gift bag from it and places it gently on the table. Felix tries to keep his brow from furrowing as looks into the bag. The first item is a small stuffed puppy with a tiny halo, feathery wings sprouting from his back. The second is a small stone. A small stone that is glowing. Felix does not take that from the bag, not when it’s so clearly magical. 

“Oh,” Felix breathes, taking the stuffed animal out and placing it on his table. Minho stiffens beside him, his eyes locked on the puppy. “Um, it’s so cute!” 

He forces pep into his voice, aware that the line of fans is very much there, even if they’re all engaged in their own breathless conversations with the other members. 

“If you could, um, sign this, I’d also really appreciate it,” Yeong-su says. He reaches, shaking, into the tote. It’s a small, nondescript card that Felix recognizes from the LV swag bag he and the other models were given, a picture of the fashion show’s venue. Felix takes it with equally shaky hands, but instead of handing it over, Yeong-su links their fingers together. 

It’s just a moment. The briefest moment. It’s also a feeling Felix remembers, that sunshine warmth. He knows that if his contacts weren’t on, his eyes would flash gold, surmising that Yeong-su closes his eyes to disguise that very same phenomenon. When Yeong-su lets go, Felix surreptitiously checks his palm. Yeong-su let’s his hand hang by his side for just a moment, palm facing him. 

Twin, gold circles. 

“Oh,” Felix breathes again. 

“The card?” Yeong-su sounds almost desperate; Felix thinks that if he’d spoken it any louder, his voice would have been thick. Felix flips the card over and reads the Hangul.

My back hurts too. 

Can we please talk? 

Location of your choosing. I will come alone. 

Felix glances at Minho. His hyung glances down at the postcard, but it’s not like he can really advise Felix at this moment. 

So Felix writes down the name of the hotel two over from where they’re staying, five o’clock, and on pure instinct, a tiny smiley face. 

“Thank you so much,” Yeong-su says. 

“Thank you for coming to see me,” Felix says. 

It feels like they’re saying a lot more in subtext; Felix wonders if Yeong-su’s wings are tingling too. 

---

To say the members are excited about Felix’s meeting would be a boldfaced lie. 

“It could be a trap!” Hyunjin says for the upteenth time. 

“It’s not!” Felix snaps, also for the upteenth time. Hyunjin huffs. 

Everyone else in the room watches in tense silence. 

“I feel like we shouldn’t be watching this,” Jeongin whispers to Seungmin. 

“Weird to see them fight,” Seungmin agrees. 

Felix stands at the edge of his bed, wings out and feathers bristling. Hyunjin sits stiffly on Minho’s bed, his arms crossed and knuckles white. 

“How do you know that?” he pushes. 

“I just do, ” Felix wrinkles his nose stubbornly. “This isn’t a dangerous situation, this is the only chance I’m going to get to talk to someone about having wings-” 

“And what if he’s lying!” Hyunjin snaps a bit more loudly. Felix’s expression grows stormy. 

“I’m trying to tell you, he’s not- ”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Chan stands. Felix bites his words down with a grunt. Hyunjin just tuts his tongue. “Hyunjin, I get why you’re upset, but if this guy-” 

“Yeong-su,” Felix grumbles. Chan nods. 

“If Yeong-su used magic to show Felix that he’s an angel, if Felix recognizes that magic, we can assume that he is indeed an angel too.” 

“Fine,” Hyunjin waves a hand. “It doesn’t change the fact that Lix-ah wants to go alone to meet a stranger – angel or not – who also know’s Felix is an angel now! Plus he gave him a glowing rock!”

“Listen,” Felix says as calmly as possible, “the way I was shown I was an angel is the same way Yeong-su showed me he was an angel. I’m not an idiot, I’m not actively trying to run towards danger all the time-” he shoots a pointed look at Hyunjin, who deflates. “And even though I know you’re all just trying to keep me safe, I need to do this.” 

“Okay,” Chan nods diplomatically, though the others give him shocked glances. “Why?” 

Felix fiddles with one of his longest feathers and sighs. “For one thing, my wings have been acting up lately, that’s no secret. The longer they’re bound, the more I need to fly, but obviously I can’t right now. The longer I go without flying, the twitchier I feel. If ​​Yeong-su has any advice on how to stop that feeling I want to know. Second, and I mentioned this to Jinnie, we need more information about the angel hunters. If Yeong-su has evaded the hunters and avoided being noticed by any authorities, I want to know how. I can’t spend my entire life with headphones on and one of you by my side when I so much as cross the street.” 

Hyunjin starts to open his mouth, and Felix cuts him off before he can speak. “I love that you’re willing to do all of that for me, and I know you just want to keep me safe. I’m trying really hard to not feel like a burden about all of it, but at the end of the day, I still don’t like feeling like my independence hinges on whether or not you have freetime in your schedule. That’s … that’s not how I want to live, you know? I know things can’t go back to how they were before, and you’ve all done such an amazing thing by trying to give me my freedom, but if Yeong-su has any information that can keep me safe and help me be a little more independent, I want to know.” 

He tries to make it clear that he’s not upset with Hyunjin, but the man in question still looks like he’s going to either protest or throw himself off the hotel balcony. 

Chan nods at Felix, eyes warm but bow furrowed. Then, he rises, sits next to Felix on the bed, and speaks. 

“I think he should go.”

“Hyung,” Minho says coolly, “You can’t be seriously considering letting him go alone-” 

“Minho, you heard him,” Chan raises a placating hand. “Felix has proof that Yeong-su is an angel. We want to keep him safe, right? That means knowing what we’re up against. He might have some good advice.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Felix says genuinely. Chan smiles a bit wryly. 

“That doesn’t mean I think you should go alone.” 

“We can’t just ambush him!” Felix jumps up and starts pacing, his wings raised and alert. “If I was him and I showed up to find six additional people waiting for me, I’d freak out and run away. You’re worried about it being a trap, but Yeong-su probably is just as concerned!” 

“Sunshine, take a breath,” Chan says softly. Felix wrinkles his nose but does as Chan says. “I’m not saying we’re going to storm your meeting. But I think one or two of us, at least, should be nearby and watching. Jinnie is right – you’re both angels, which means a bell will attract the both of you. You’d be defenseless.” 

Felix sighs. Chan is right. Fuck, they’re all right. Felix can’t be petulant, stamp his feet, and insist upon going alone when he knows it’s objectively risky; not when Chan’s suggestion is logical. 

“Fine,” Felix huffs. 

“Who’s going with Lix?” Jeongin asks. 

“I will,” Hyunjin says, at the same time Minho says: “Me.” 

Felix drags his eyes away from his boyfriend and his hyung to raise a brow at Chan. Chan looks like he’s trying very hard not to laugh. 

“I was actually thinking it would be Seumginnie and me,” he admits. 

Hyunjin and Minho explode in eerily similar yells of protest, but it takes a single glare from Chan to quell them. “You’re both very protective, and you’ve done a great job keeping Lixie safe. But let’s be honest – you’re also both a little bit biased? You might overreact-” 

“I would not!” Minho scoffs. 

“Hyung, you tried to put a leash on me at our last award show,” Felix reminds him. Minho doesn’t look the slightest bit bothered by the fact. 

“You put the Stray in Stray Kids, Bbokie, it was an obvious solution.” 

“Angel,” Hyunjin pouts. Felix’s frustration officially dissipates at the genuine anguish in his eyes, and he walks to slot himself against Hyunjin’s side. 

“What if I call you?” Felix suggests. “I’ll call you and put you on speaker so you can hear everything. You know me better than anyone, you’d be able to hear if something was wrong.” 

Hyunjin is still moping, but he sits up a bit. “That’s … that’s accurate.” 

“And a good idea,” Chan nods. 

“There’s a park across the street that I can see from our balcony,” Changbin says, eyes on his phone. “Hyung and Minnie could sit somewhere in there, and Felix could suggest it as a place to talk. That way we can listen to the conversation here, keep an eye on the door, and Hyung and Minnie will have a better vantage point.” 

“This is like a heist,” Jisung grins. 

“What are we stealing?” Seungmin snorts. 

“Information, I guess,” Felix shrugs. He glances at the alarm clock. “Thirty minutes til I said I would meet him.” 

“Alright,” Chan claps his hands the exact same way he begins a rehearsal or practice. “Let’s do this. Operation Angel Intel is a go.” 

“Such a dork,” Jeongin groans. 

---

Felix knows he pushed very hard for the meeting with Yeong-su, but his insistence does very little to quell the absolute storm of panic he feels. Hyunjin had all but crushed him in a hug before he left, and as Felix walks to the hotel he’d told Yeong-su about, he tries to focus on the lingering heat of that embrace. 

Yeong-su is already outside and looks every bit as scared as Felix feels. He’s tall, slender, modelesque in every way and so classically Korean that Felix might, under other circumstances, feel insecure. Instead, his wings prickle and flutter with recognition. 

“Hi,” Yeong-su says, eyes wide and jumping whenever anyone passes them, but he has a neutral smile plastered on his face. “Thanks for meeting me.” 

“Thanks for finding me,” Felix says. “I looked for you at the after party but you weren’t there.” 

“Honestly? Your presence startled me at the show. I needed to get my head clear, and a post-show party isn’t always the best environment for that,” he shrugs. 

And wow, Felix can empathise; he certainly did very little relaxing on his end either.

“There’s a small garden down the street, would you be okay going there?” He asks anxiously. “Being out on the street makes me a bit …” 

“Anxious?” Yeong-su suggests with a small grin. 

“Exactly,” Felix nods. “And it’ll be harder for anyone to overhear us.” 

“Let’s do it,” Yeong-su agrees. They walk in slightly awkward silence, but the notion of small talk feels silly in the shadow of what they'll likely discuss. Even though neither of them have said the word ‘angel’, or ‘feathers’. 

The park is more of a garden than anything else, about a half block wide and avenue deep of greenery and flowers, of overlapping pathways and picnic tables and benches. There’s a small playground, the sounds of children’s laughter and bright, the unintelligible french ideal to disguise their words. Felix peaks towards the hotel as he enters and sees the curtain of Changbin and Jisung’s hotel room twitch. He can’t see Chan and Seungmin, but Felix knows they’re watching. That fact alone reduces some of the tension he’s holding in his shoulders. 

They sit on a bench near the playground, but tucked away from the chaos. Felix glances at Yeong-su again, hoping he’ll be the one to break the silence. 

He does. 

“How long has it been for you?” Yeong-su asks. 

Still not saying the word. 

“For, um, what?” Felix whispers. Yeong-su purses his lips and takes a deep breath. 

“How long have you had your wings?” 

Felix can imagine the gasp Hyunjin, Minho, Changbin, Jisung, and Jeongin all likely released at the word. Felix barely bites down his own yelp of excitement. 

“About a month?” he says. Yeong-su whistles. “I had no idea about them before. About any of this.” 

Yeong-su looks genuinely shocked; he leans a bit closer. “And you’re already out and about? Impressive.” 

“I don’t really have a choice,” Felix picks at the bench’s peeling paint.“I’m an idol – even getting a week after my maturation was a blessing. If I asked for more time, I’d just be under a microscope.” 

“That makes sense,” Yeong-su nods, grimacing. “I guess modeling is a little more conducive to maturation. The only person I had to convince for time off was my agent.” 

“How long for you? I mean, with your … wings?” 

Yeong-su closes his eyes and tilts his face towards the sun. It’s an action Felix himself has done dozens of times, according to the members. 

“Six years.” 

This time, Felix gasps. “Six?” 

Yeong-su smiles, a bit sheepish, but a bit proud. “Yup. My, uh, condition runs in the family. My dad wanted to make sure I kept my wings. You can imagine his less-than-thrilled response when I refused to stop modeling, even though he was interested in the entertainment business too. But I loved it, and my career was just picking up.” 

Felix thinks of what Wooyoung had said about angels gravitating towards certain industries. “Do you know any other, um, people like us?” 

Yeong-su’s face falls. “My dad’s the only one I know. I’ve had my suspicions about some people I’ve met, but I was never confident enough to try reaching out, and most of the time I only met them in passing. When you mentioned your Fansign, I figured it was as good an opportunity as I was going to get.”

“So you’ve had them hidden for six years?” Felix asks breathlessly. “How? It’s already so hard as an idol, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be modeling.” 

Yeong-su laughs a bit bitterly. “Yeah, it’s been pretty rough. There was definitely a learning curve of how to keep them wrapped up, how to make sure I was changing in private but drawing attention, of course how to keep anyone who did know about us off the trail-” 

“The Hunters,” Felix shudders. Yeong-su’s brows raise but he nods solemnly. 

“Yeah. You know about them?” 

“I had a run in with them,” he whispers. “They … they had a bell.”

Yeong-su stiffens, and his breath stutters. “And you didn’t get taken? How’d you resist it?” 

“I was with a few of my members. They held me back.” 

“You told people about you?” Yeong-su sounds even more shocked about that than about the bell. Felix bites his lip. He wishes he could pause the conversation, find the others, and consult them on what to say, but right now he’s alone; he’s the only one who can answer, and he wants to say the truth without damning his entire group.  

“Only the people who need to know,” he decides is a fair answer. “When my wings started coming in, I almost went to a hospital. I needed people to help me so I didn’t get found out. They were the ones with me when the Hunters came.”

“The Hunters are brutes,” Yeong-su says with more fire than he’s demonstrated previously. It startled Felix, but it’s not misplaced in his opinion. “They have no respect for what we are, what we can do.” 

He speaks like he has intimate knowledge with the Hunters. Felix can’t help the flicker of his eyes to the hotel. 

“What do they want with us?” Felix finally asks. Yeong-su sighs thinly, his fingers tapping anxiously on his knee. 

“No one really knows how the Hunters started, only that they want magic – our magic – no matter how they get it. An Angel’s magic is most potent in their wings, and the most potent magic shines the brightest. You know how we touched each other to show what we both were?” Yeong-su asks. 

Felix flexes his palms, thinking of the golden circle. “Yes.” 

“That’s our magic – instincts, I guess – recognizing each other. Angels are social creatures. We thrive off goodness and love and attention. Our magic is reactive, our instincts just that – instinctual. When we meet each other and we’re not trying to hide, it flares. The problem is, we’re not the only ones who can notice those flares.”  

“What do you mean?” Felix feels like he’s barely breathing.

“Did you bring the stone?” Yeong-su asks. Felix reaches into his pocket and pulls out the stone. It’s pulsing with golden light. To anyone else, it probably looks like it’s catching the sun's reflection, but close up, it’s clear that light emanates from within the silvery gem. 

“What is it?” Felix asks. Yeong-su plucks the stone and holds it between his thumb and index finger. 

“This stone glows because it’s imbued with something called Houndswater. It senses Angels, either in close proximity, like now, or when there’s a large flare of magic nearby.”

Houndswater, Felix trembles at the familiar phrase.

Yeung-su’s hand closes around the stone, and a visible rake of something trembles in his fingertips. 

“The Hunters are addicted to our magic and Houndswater. They use Houndswater to strengthen weapons, heal injuries, and track other angels. When an Angel’s instincts flare – like during your maturation or if you used your abilities – a massive amount of magic is released. Enough magic to light up any Houndswater-imbued item in Seoul. It’s why the bell calls to us – it’s very rare, very old, probably a religious relic, but the Houndswater used to craft it sings to angels and angels only.” 

“When the Hunters almost got me, they’d said they caught a trail,” Felix breathes. “They said they had Houndswater, but that it might have been a bad batch?” 

Yeong-su looks pale, almost green despite the glowing sun above them. Felix feels his heart pounding faster, his wings twitching in a desperate plea to end the conversation, as if they too are afraid of what they’re going to learn. 

“Yeong-su-ssi,” Felix whispers. “What is Houndswater? Why do they want me?” 

Yeong-su purses his lips; when he speaks, it’s like he’s giving Felix a death sentence. 

“Felix-ssi, Houndswater is Angel blood. It’s the blood of Angel when they die a tortured, wingless death. That’s what they want you for.” 

Notes:

(screaming, hiding face in hands, for so many reason)

a. I hope the smut was ... smutting?
b. I hope you enjoyed the fun !! because it's time to suffer again <3

yeaaaah, next chapter is rough and long. I'd say we're certainly at the halfway, if not past the halfway point, of this fic – barring any last minute plot additions. as such, we celebrate with angst !

thank u all so much for reading and commenting always. it's been a rough couple of weeks, and I've definitely been using this fic as escapism. it's nice to have y'all with me <3

Chapter 15: you got me locked up

Summary:

A devastating realization sends Felix and the members spiraling in a way that feels all too familiar.

Notes:

hi besties
remember all the fluff and fun we've had?
try ... to remember ... that <3

Warnings: just sad emo times

[also: THANK U for the kind comments on last chapter, you're making my life so much happier and wonderful and amazing]

Edited to add:
I created 2 playlists, both the one Hyunjin makes for Lix within this fic, and the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this story overall!
~feathers~
air beneath (my wings)

It’s Angel blood. It’s Angel blood. 

Felix sits there long after Yeong-su leaves, the stone heavy and damp in his sweaty palm. His wings twitch and strain, but for the first time, he doesn’t want to comfort them. He wants to keep them bound for so long that they reabsorb into his body.

He half-heard the rest of Yeong-su’s advice, but it was difficult to absorb over the pounding of his heart in his ears. 

You release magic when you save someone, when you really, really fly, especially if you’re too strong, Yeong-su had said, not noticing Felix’s growing panic. Something to do with releasing too much magic, something about being too strong, and the attention such strength could attract. Felix thinks he gave Yeong-su his phone number before the model had to leave for a flight back to Seoul, but by the time the conversation was wrapping up, Felix was barely in his body anymore. The panic was too strong, too consuming. 

 He doesn’t know how long he’s been glued, alone, to the bench before a body sinks next to him – Chan, he can tell instinctively. 

“ Did you hear? ” Felix says in English. Did yew hee-yah, like Hyunjin so loves to imitate. 

“Only bits,” Chan says. 

It’s Angel blood. My blood. They want my blood. It’s my wings. They’re tracking my wings. They want. My wings. 

Every thought is like a cut to the skin. He can feel his resolve crumbling right there in the afternoon sunshine.  

“The others transcribed what they heard, though,” Seungmin says, sitting on Felix’s left. Felix had almost forgotten about the phone call. He takes his phone out of his pocket and hands it wordlessly to Chan. 

“We’ve got him, we’ll be up soon,” Chan tells them, and then hangs up. “You ready?” 

The garden is so pretty and peaceful. There’s something about the anonymity – both of their celebrity, and of the language that flows around them – that should make Felix want to stay and linger a little bit longer. But he can’t stop thinking about the stone and its shine, the bell and its ring. He’d never been aware of his pulse, not quite like this. 

“Let’s go back, Lix-ah,” Seungmin says quietly, gentle in the way he doesn’t always let himself be. Felix doesn’t respond, and they don’t wait for him to do so. Chan just reaffixes his facemask more securely and pulls him up by the elbow. 

They are silent in the elevator, silent as they knock at the hotel room door, and silent as they step in. Seungmin and Chan seem particularly uneased having not heard the conversation in full, but the others look at Felix like he has months to live. Hyunjin is up from where he’d been perched by the window in a heartbeat, crossing the room in three long strides before dragging Felix into a hug and burying his face in his hair. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Hyunjin murmurs. “I’ll keep you safe, you’re going to be fine.” 

It’s Hyunjin’s words, his smell, and his long, perfect fingers tight against his back that shatter whatever tentative hold Felix had on his sanity.

“It’s blood,” Felix whimpers. His chest tightens, then his throat. Oh God, he’s going to be sick. “They want my blood, and it’s-” 

He pushes away and dashes to the bathroom, barely reaching the toilet in time. A moment later, someone gently pulls his hair back from his head. He doesn’t have much in his stomach to contribute, but the roiling of nausea is unpleasant regardless. 

“Drink,” Minho appears with a cold bottle of water. He hands another to Jisung, who presses it against Felix’s neck. Felix takes small kitten sips. 

“What does he mean, his blood?” Chan is asking frantically in the bedroom. Hyunjin enters a moment later and closes the door behind him so Felix won’t have to listen. 

“You’re okay,” Jisung rubs his hand on Felix’s back. “Safe with us, yeah? Oh, let it out, babe, you’re okay-” 

But he’s not. Felix has never been less okay. 

The Hunters aren’t just tracking him; they’re tracking him using the blood of tortured angels. They don’t just want to take him in the nebulous, threatening way he’s felt when he knew less. No, they want to take him, tear him apart piece by piece, feather by feather; they want to drain him for every drop of agonized magic they can. 

His wings flutter and thrum. Gentle hands – painters hands – pull off his jacket and unwrap his bindings. 

“No,” Felix groans. The wings thrum again and he reaches a hand behind his back, hitting the joint of the wing bone until it aches. “No, stop! ”

“Felix,” Hyunjin gasps. He tries to grab Felix’s hands, but Felix writhes away, kicking uselessly with socked feet against tile as he claws at whatever feathers he can reach. 

“No, no, get them off!” He sobs. “Get them out of me! ” 

He misses the shock and horror with which Minho, Hyunjin, and Jisung appraise him, but he doesn’t care. “I hate them!” He wails, hitting his back harder, more frenzied. “I hate them, I hate them-” 

And oh God, he’s not breathing quite right. His lungs should not hurt this badly, his head should not be this fuzzy, his vision shouldn’t be pulsing with black– 

“Someone catch him!” Someone yells. 

Hyunjin does, just before Felix falls. Of course he does. 

---

Felix is dimly aware of the conversations that happen around him in the moments he isn’t fully unconscious. He can hear the tinny recording of his conversation with Yeong-su and low, conspiratorial murmuring that peaks into panicked arguments every once in a while; he can hear someone crying. 

“But we can’t really just let him shut away like this?” Someone asks. 

“If they’re able to track his magic … I don’t know if he has a choice.” 

His wings twitch. Felix grits his teeth until he’s pulled back into restless sleep.  

---

When Felix wakes up, it’s to a smarting back and a face full of lavender. He groans. 

“ Look who’s up ,” a voice says. English. Australian. 

Felix tries to sit upright, but his back aches. 

“Yeah, you might be in a bit of pain. We weren’t sure if icy hot and feathers go together very well, so we just used heating pads. You haven’t been stretching enough, have you?” 

Felix finally focuses himself to open his eyes. The sun has to be nearly set, based on the pinkish-purplish glow emanating through the hotel curtain. The spearmint and lavender scent proves to be Hyunjin, whose side he’s been presumably curled against for a while. Hyunjin, whose eyes are closed and breaths are even. He takes a deep breath before he props himself up, the pain in his wings diminishing. It reminds him desperately of when he woke up after his maturation, and as if on instinct, he searches for Minho. 

Of course, Minho is there, curled up in an armchair and fast asleep. 

“I think everyone crashed after today,” Chan explains. “Of course, Jinnie and Minho refused to leave.” 

“So did you,” Felix notes. Chan blushes but shrugs. 

“Of course, I wasn’t gonna risk my sunshine waking up alone.” 

Felix sits up fully, careful to not wake Hyunjin. His wings are bound, and he feels the bone-deep ache forming at their base. He realizes he’s got the Houndswater stone clasped in his fist, probably fell asleep holding it and presumably wouldn’t let go, even in unconsciousness. 

“You should really let them loose for a bit,” Chan frowns, still pushing. “It’s not healthy for them-” 

“They’re fine,” Felix grunts. 

“Lix, we have a concert tomorrow. Your dancing-”

“I’m fine,” Felix snaps quietly. 

Chan watches him carefully for a moment. “Come sit on the balcony with me.” 

Felix huffs but obeys. The Parisian street is beautiful, the perfect amount of bustling without being loud. There’s a table and two chairs which Chan waves to, and Felix sits with a poorly-masked grunt of discomfort. 

“You’re not fine,” Chan says; he says it casually – not too stern, not too careful. It makes it harder for Felix to bite back. 

“I have to be fine,” he says instead. Chan cocks his head. “If I freak out, my instincts could flare. I’m assuming you listened to the phone call?” Chan nods. “ Chris, if I feel anything too strongly, my magic could act up, and if there’s a Hunter with a - with a fucking Hounderwater stone or whatever, I’m fucked.” 

It feels good to curse in English, to wrap his accent around his anger like he might savor a candy. 

“I took notes,” Chan doesn’t tell him to calm down, doesn’t claim he’ll fix everything; he just takes out a pad of paper Felix recognizes form the hotel desk. “Yeung-su said –”

“Please,” Felix stops him, and though his voice is weak and barely audible, Chan immediately stops talking. “I don’t want to talk about what he said. It’s bad enough you all heard it.” 

“Lix-ah, I’m glad we heard,” Chan clicks his tongue. “You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.” 

This being the horrible, metallic truth. 

“ Chris, we have five more concerts to do, ” Felix says, switching to English again when his tongue feels too heavy in his mouth. “ Five concerts, three interviews, a vlog, and more flights that should be allowed. I can’t think about this right now. I can’t feel anything right now, not if it makes my instincts flare. Definitely not when we get back to Seoul…”

Chan sighs deeply and leans forward to rest his forearms on his knees. Wordlessly, Felix offers his hands - they’ve sat like this so many times, it’s only second nature. “Not at the expense of your happiness.” 

“I’m not worried about my happiness,” Felix says bitterly.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Chan whispers. “Listen, if what Yeong-su said is true, then your magic flared at your maturation, maybe again when you flew in the Loft, and when you we used your instincts to help the members. Anyone who is aware an Angel matured in Seoul has no reason to believe you left, and no one in Paris or Madrid or Frankfurt have any reason to believe an Angel arrived. You said it yourself, we have the concerts, but it also means we have a few weeks to help you control your instincts.” 

Control, Felix considers the word with a gnawing dread. Felix loves control, so much he’s gone to the hospital over it. But he’s always controlled physical things – his body, his dancing, his Korean, his freckles – to compensate for his lack of emotional control, for feeling things so much more strongly than he should. 

“The stone’s still glowing,” Felix says, finally unfurling his fist. 

“You’re holding it,” Chan points out. “If you weren’t holding it, it might not be glowing. We can use the stone to see how strongly your instincts flare depending on your emotional state. Maybe-”

“ Chris ,” Felix pleads, voice cracking. He immediately stops talking and Felix blinks skyward until the threat of tears is reduced. “I … there’s no solve here. You can stop trying.” 

Chan’s frown is almost as bad as the feeling burning at the base of his spine. “Never, Lix.” 

But he doesn’t push. Not any more. 

Felix puts on his headphones but ignores music in favor of listening to the transcript of his phone call. Someone – probably Minho, if he had to guess – has typed up the recording, and Felix reads it as he listens, even though seeing it before him ( Angel blood, wingless blood ) makes him so nauseous he almost has to dash back to the bathroom. 

He’s surprised to hear himself speaking in the minutes of conversation after Yeong-su’s revelation, but he can also hear the robotic quality his voice took on, giving away how removed he was from what was being said. 

“I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” Yeong-su is saying through his headphones. “I wish I could tell you how to hide from the Hunters –”

“And the government?” Robot-Felix asks; it was one of the questions he’d mentally drafted before walking into the conversation. 

“How … how do you know about that?” Yeong-su asks. “I didn’t think people knew?” 

Felix must shrug noncommittally because Yeong-su sighs but doesn’t repeat the question. 

“You don’t need to worry about them, the Hunters are more dangerous. Listen, just … pretend you don’t have the wings, okay? No flying, no instincts, nothing. Instincts are, well, instincts, but if you weaken the wings, weaken yourself …”

Felix must react. Yeong-su tuts sadly. 

“I know it sounds mean. It sounds cowardly. But if you’re weak … well, you won’t shine so bright, yeah?” 

“I don’t like that,” someone says, the words barely audible through the headphones. Felix  tugs them off, pauses the recording, and looks up to see Hyunjin, Minho hovering right behind him. Hyunjin taps at the same sentence on the transcript that Felix just heard. “Weakening yourself? It doesn’t seem … safe? Or logical?”

“Yeong-su has made it six years with his wings,” Felix whispers. “I’m not really in a position to question him.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t seem particularly happy, but he doesn’t push Felix either, just sits next to him and wraps his arms around his middle, hooking his chin over his shoulder. Felix puts the headphones back on, but he leans into the hug – he wishes Hyunjin could curl up inside his skull, bat away the anxious thoughts ricocheting there. 

Instead he presses play. Yeong-su’s voice is solemn, gravelly with something that Felix thinks must be grief: “The Hunters got my dad,” he whispers. “He managed to escape, but not before they … not before they took his wings.”

Felix’s back fully spasms at that. Hyunjin tightens his arms around Felix’s shoulders, looking a bit green. 

“I don’t want that to happen to you,” Yeong-su adds. 

“Now that I agree with,” Hyunjin whispers. 

---

That night, all of the members pile into their room, even though Felix encouraged them to enjoy their last night in Paris. Really, he just wanted to be alone for a while, but he can’t shoot down the overt care with which they speak to him. Or rather, don’t speak to him: Felix isn’t doing much talking, and the members were clearly instructed not to comment on what was learned from Yeong-su; that doesn’t stop an ABS meeting from occurring, however brief. 

“So what will this look like?” Changbin asks tersely. “We can’t just sit here and watch Felix ‘weaken’ himself, whatever that means-” 

“It’s not like Yongbokkie’s going to stop eating and drinking,” Jeongin says sharply, eyes on the transcript. “It’s more like he needs to … Sung, what do you call it when your body's here but your brain’s not?” 

Jisung looks baffled for a few seconds before he makes a noise of understanding. “Dissociation.” 

Felix considers it in his head. Dissociating isn’t something he thinks people can do on purpose, but he’s seen it in Jisung – the glazed eyes, the thousand-yard stare, the marionette posture. It makes some sense – if he can hide away in his head, maybe it will keep him from reacting to the real world.

“He can’t fly,” Minho notes. 

“The last time he couldn’t fly, he was in serious pain,” Chan says. Felix glances up at him, a bit embarrassed to be outed so easily, and Chan finally addresses him, even though Felix has been very much silent throughout the conversation. “It’s going to hurt. Are you sure this is the plan you want to go with?” 

“Once we get back to Seoul, I need to be perfect,” Felix rasps. “No instincts, no flying, no magic. I’d rather find out what that looks like on the road – like you said, if there are Hunters here, they don’t know about me. If I make a mistake in Amsterdam and my magic flares, we’ll be gone before anyone can notice. And in Seoul…” 

“In Seoul they’re already looking,” Seungmin whispers. 

No one speaks about Felix’s wings anymore after that. 

He finds that the idea of eating makes his stomach bunch up, but Jeongin won’t take no for an answer when he nudges a takeout container of vaguely French food at him, so Felix spends equal time choking down teaspoon-sized bites as he does pretending to eat. All the while, the stone lies on his nightstand, and he can’t stop staring at it. Is it dimmer now that he’s not touching it? Should he take Chan’s advice and test the potency of the Houndswater? 

No, and oh God, it’s that voice again; Felix’s mean inner voice that he’d nearly forgotten existed. Yeong-su said to not let his instincts flare, and Yeong-su hasn’t been caught yet.   

Hyunjin stays glued to Felix’s side throughout it all, comforting and non-pressuring in his silence, but eventually he leaves when Jung arrives and calls for bedtime. Felix sees him glance longingly at the king bed, but there’s not much to be done with the babysitting presence of a manager. 

He crawls into bed with his eyes on the Houndswater stone and the threads of nightmare already pressing at his temples. Minho is quick to follow, sliding beneath the duvet and casting them into darkness as he flicks off his lamp. 

“You should free your wings,” he whispers. He’s facing away from Felix, not cuddling up to him, but he brushes his foot against Felix’s calf in a small show of comfort.  

“No,” Felix says. Minho must sense that it’s not up for debate, but his sigh is protest enough. Instead, he scooches backwards a bit. 

“Wanna tell me what you’re thinking about?” he asks. 

I will be there to help you through it. If you need me and if you’ll let me. 

“I can’t slip up, not even for a second,” Felix whispers. Minho brushes his foot against Felix’s, curves his back a bit so their spines touch. “Anyone who has a stone like this, who knows what it means, will know an Angel’s close. I can’t give them a reason to think it’s me…” 

“I know, Bbokie,” Minho whispers. 

“And I know it’s stupid, but it feels like the survival show all over again.” 

He feels Minho rolls over, but he doesn’t do the same; doesn’t want Minho to see the whites of his eyes. 

“It’s not stupid,” Minho promises. “But the pressures back then? You … well, you-” 

“Didn’t handle them well?” Felix supplies. Minho hums.

“Exactly. I’m worried that you’ll struggle to find the balance here as well.” 

“I can’t fly, and I can’t use my instincts,” Felix sighs. “The first one’s easy, and I hate it. The second one is something I can’t even control in the first place.” 

Minho slings an arm over his waist and pulls him close. Felix wriggles into the cuddle, sighing at the warmth, the security. Minho’s not always the cuddliest, but when he is, he’s like a cat. 

“Like dancing, hmm? When you feel them flare, follow the feeling, see where it starts–”

“But they can’t flare, hyung, they can’t-” 

“I know Bbokie,” Minho shushes him, but he sounds at a loss and miserable. “But Chan-hyung had a point, didn’t he? You said it yourself too – no one is looking for an Angel here. You don’t need to lock up every single emotion, not when your emotions alone probably don’t flare strongly enough.” 

“I bet they do,” Felix whispers. Minho squeezes him but ignores him all the same. 

“-and when that happens, try to see how to stop it. Check how the stone reacts, try to figure out how your magic works instead of running from it. You’re so strong, you can learn to control it before we get back to Seoul.” 

But isn’t that exactly what Yeong-su implied he shouldn’t do? Shouldn’t be? Strong?

Felix feels Minho relaxing deeper and deeper into the mattress. 

“Okay, Bbokie?” 

“Sure, hyung,” Felix murmurs. Soon enough, Minho’s breaths turn into small snores, but Felix doesn’t want sleep to come for him, doesn’t want to risk a nightmare that will make his wings even more irritable. In the end, his body makes the decision for him, and the last thing Felix remembers is watching that glowy, gold stone. 

He loves his hyung, but he thinks he should probably listen to the only person he’s met with wings. 

Madrid

Spain is beautiful, and Felix doesn’t absorb a single second of it. He stays plastered against Hyunjin’s side throughout their drive from the airport, one hand tapping against his headphones, the other fiddling with the stone in his pockets. 

His wings wriggle and twitch, and Felix wants to growl at them, but he’s been ceremoniously banned from being rude to his wings. Changbin and Hyunjin begged him to free the wings, but he refused, and there wasn’t much they could do to force them. It clearly startled the members to see Felix clawing at the feathers in order to punish them, so he’s settling to tight bindings and resolute dismissal of the wings’ obvious pain.

Hyunjin’s playlist ends just in time for him to catch the members’ conversation. 

“-pull him out of the concert?” 

It’s Seungmin asking, and that surprises him; he’s equally surprised to see Chan nodding in consideration. 

“No,” Felix says quietly, but he’s been mute since that morning, and his voice (raspy and deep from unuse) quiets them more effectively than a shout. “I’m doing the show.” 

“Lix-ah, if you’re not feeling up to it, you don’t have to-” 

“I do,” Felix cuts Minnie off more sharply than he normally speaks to the maknae. His eyes flicker to the driver and Felix clear his throat, his eyes tired but serious. “I mean, what excuse would I even give?” 

What do you think I would tell Jung that wouldn’t be suspicious? 

The car goes quiet. Felix sighs and sits back. Before he can start Hyunjin’s playlist anew, Changbin catches his wrist, squeezes his hands. 

“We’re with you, you know that, right?” 

“Sure, hyung,” Felix says. He’s been saying that a lot lately. 

Felix is ashamed to say he doesn’t remember the show in Madrid. He only remembers the emotions, like a messy blur of paint water he’s watched Hyunjin rinse hundreds of times. Weary grey, indigo fear, scarlet rage, burnt bitter orange. That’s how time passes: one second, he’s crawling onto a plane with last night’s nightmare still aching in his back, and the next he’s bowing with all of the kids on stage. 

“How’d I do?” Felix asks Chan. “Honestly, I don’t remember-” 

“You were great,” Chan says, though he looks like he’s going to throw up at the idea that Felix wasn’t fully present. “Joked around, won Stay’s collective heart, danced like a dream.” 

“Good,” Felix says. 

The headphones go back on.

When they get to the hotel, Felix tugs Hyunjin to a stop before they get on the elevators. 

“We’re good,” Hyunjin nods to the hyungs. It’s objectively private in the elevator bank, but there are CCTV cameras and the risk of anyone – including fans staying in the area – catching sight of them isn’t zero, so Felix can’t do more than stand slightly closer to Hyunjin than normal. 

“You can switch rooms, if you want,” Felix says. Hyunjin reels back, and Felix hastens to clarify. “I just … I know we were excited to have our own room, and- and-” 

Felix’s throat goes tight. His eyes blur. He feels like he’s been crying all day even though not a single tear has fallen, his determination to remain detached too strong. Hyunjin’s face cracks, his mouth dropping open.

“Wh-what? I - come on, let’s go up.” 

Felix lets Hyunjin take his hand and doesn’t try to remove it until they’re in their hotel room. A king bed, a balcony, all of the usual accommodation. Hyunjin pulls him into the room and sits gingerly on the mattress. Felix can do nothing but follow. 

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asks. Felix nods, then shakes his head. 

“I’m a terrible liar, don’t know why I try,” he whispers. Hyunjin smiles sadly. 

“Glad you aren’t trying so much these days,” he says. “So, why do you think I want to switch rooms?”

Felix bites hard on his lip and shakes his head. He really doesn’t want to cry right now, doesn’t want to snap the very tenuous hold he has over his emotions. He swears he can feel the stone burning a hole in his pocket. Hyunjin gently brushes a thumb over his lower lip – it’s not sexual, hardly even romantic, just pure care for Felix, just a gentle removal of teeth from skin. 

“Can I guess what you were getting at?” He asks. Felix nods desperately. “Well, it sounded like you thought I might want to switch because you’re not up to have sex with me. Is that right?” 

The tears well anyway. This was not supposed to be what happened. They were supposed to go to the concert and ride the high of their adrenaline back to the hotel. They were supposed to find each other in the dark, balcony doors flung open to let in the sweet Spanish air. Felix was supposed to show Hyunjin just how much he trusted him, loved him, even if they hadn’t said the words yet. 

They were not supposed to have a clinical, miserable conversation about the very lack of their intimacy. 

“Felix, can I be honest?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Of course,” Felix rasps. 

“I’m kind of hurt? That you’d think that of me?” 

Hyunjin is a bit hunched, his fingers twisting in his lap. Felix has the overwhelming urge to wind back time. Guilt prickles up his spine. Combined with the back pain, it’s a visceral sort of nostalgia. Hyunjin rubs his thumb over the back of Felix’s hand and hums. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I promise. It’s just – is that really the kind of guy you think I am? Do you think I only want to be near you for the physical stuff?” 

Hearing Hyunjin say it is a bit sobering. 

“No, of course not. I was being stupid,” Felix rasps. He wants to stare at the floor, but forces himself to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I just – I’m frustrated, I guess? I had this whole plan of what I’d say, what I’d do. And afterwards we’d order room service and it would be really cute. I’m mad at myself and at this whole situation, and I got worried that you were disappointed too…” 

He’s pouting now and drops his eyes to stair at the woven duvet cover.  

“Felix, I have feelings for you – not what your body can do for me,” Hyunjin says slowly, ensuring that every word is heard. 

Felix watches a tear hit the duvet, but he doesn’t make any effort to wipe it away. 

“If you want to switch rooms, we can,” Hyunjin adds. “If you feel like if would be too much to sleep together right now – and I mean sleep – I’m sure I can ask Minho or Chan or Seungmin to swap-” 

“No,” Felix begs. Hyunjin jumps at the sudden increase in volume, but he doesn’t let go of Felix’s hands. “Please, I can’t – the nightmares are so bad, and I feel so much safer when it’s you–”

“Okay, baby,” Hyunjin shushes him. He pulls Felix to standing and guides him to the bathroom. “Okay, get ready and we can go to bed, yeah? I’ll keep you safe.”

Felix murmurs apologies between a mouthful of toothpaste, and Hyunjin brushes them aside with concerned pets to his hair. “I’ll keep you safe, don’t worry about anything tonight-” 

And it works. When Felix curls around Hyunjin, tucks his head beneath his chin, he drifts off to a nightmare-less sleep. 

“It’ll get better, Lixie,” Hyunjin promises. 

London 

It does not get better. 

“Eat, hyung,” Jeongin slides across from him in the green room with a banana, a granola bar, and a protein shake. 

“M’not hungry,” Felix murmurs. He’s not, not when he’s just in pain. His wings don’t even writhe anymore, they merely ache as if in protest. With every throb of pain is a stab of uncertainty. Is this really the answer? Should this hurt so much? 

Jeongin’s eyes grow steely, and he sits up; he’s taller than Felix now, bigger too, and it’s almost startling enough to pull Felix from his despondency. 

“I didn’t ask if you were hungry,” Jeongin says sternly. “I told you to eat.” 

“And I said I’m not hungry-” 

“You promised me,” Jeongin interrupts him. It’s not angry or cold, just a fact – serious and real. And fuck, Felix did promise him, didn’t he? “You can weaken your instincts, but you can’t weaken your body – not like this.” 

The food hurts going down, but not as much as his back. That must count for something.

Amsterdam

The concerts go like this: Felix wakes in the morning wrapped around Hyunjin so tightly it’s a miracle they don’t merge into one; Felix puts on his headphones and watches the Houndswater stone glow until all of the members are ready to go. Felix doesn’t speak, nor does he listen unless Jung is there, and even then, he absorbs nothing. He dresses behind a curtain or in a bathroom while Chan distracts Jung and Yun, and he pretends his wings aren’t reaching cramp-levels of pain.  

(It’s not that he wants his wings gone – no, the notion that Hunters want to take his wings and his blood and everything that makes him him has sent Felix running to the bathrooms too many times to count. It’s just that he has a newfound bitterness for his wings. 

His wings, which ache with a seemingly-independent desire to fly and to protect, which pump magic into each and every feather and vein. 

It’s a bit childish, but Felix needs to keep them bound, both to hide their magic (if that’s even a possibility) and to punish them. Or himself. 

Same difference.)

He clings to whoever will let him, preferably and usually Hyunjin, but no one pushes him away or comments, and Felix focuses on kindling his energy, headphones digging imprints into his temple. When it’s time to perform, he puts them away, glares at the Houndswater stone he’s taken to hoarding, and transforms into stage Felix. 

He can tell the members find it a bit eerie, how easily he’s able to switch on his performances. He dances around the stage despite the pain in his back, he laughs and teases the members whenever it feels right, and he interacts with the fans. He lifts his shirt to flash his abs, he flings water into the crowds, and he growls his way through song after song. 

But as soon as it’s over, he beelines to the headphones, to the isolated cell of his mind. He lets Hyunjin pull him through dressing rooms and halls, into vans and up to their hotel room. He whimpers at the water when it hits his feathers in the shower, and he fails to hold back the tears when he rewraps them. 

He doesn’t pretend he’s not miserable, and he doesn’t pretend he’s not in pain, but he doesn’t talk about it either.

Frankfurt

Felix wakes up the morning of their third-to-last concert with his bandages on the ground and one foot on the balcony railing. 

He gasps, both in shock and in anticipatory relief. The early dawn air passes through his feathers like cool water across a burn. Every muscle and tendon and hollow bone is primed and ready, desperate to fly, the burning cramp in his muscles replaced with a trembling eagerness-

Felix desperately grabs the balcony railing and wails. “Jinnie!” 

Hyunjin is there in a second, hissing in shock but not wasting a second. He wraps his arms around Felix’s waist and pulls him back into the hotel room, his wings fighting the entire time. 

“Felix, stop!” Hyunjin yells. His wings flit and twitch, clawing at the fresh air in desperate little gusts of air that threaten to drag Felix and Hyunjin both over the balcony. 

“I’m trying!” Felix grits his teeth, but his wings won’t listen. It’s not like he’s been doing wing curls as of late, and whatever control he’d developed over them feels distant. Finally, though, Hyunjin hooks a foot behind the balcony door and all but flings Felix inside. He slams the balcony doors shut, locks them, and closes the curtains. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Hyunjin asks, not angry but desperately frightened. Felix pants and his wings flutter angrily. Now that they’re inside, any relief he’d felt has been transformed into pain, worse than before. 

“I woke up,” Felix shudders. “I woke up like that. I didn’t remember, I didn’t mean-” 

Hyunjin gawks, his hands raking anxiously through his short hair as Felix’s terror gives way to tears. He drops to the floor and pulls Felix into his arms. 

“It’s okay, I got you. You woke up, yeah? So good, such a good job-” 

The comforts and praises are meaningless. Felix stares at the Houndswater stone. It stares back. 

---

That evening, when he finds himself bent over the toilet in the venue, it’s not due to roiling panic or fear, but sheer pain. 

“You can’t do this, Bbokie,” Changbin rubs his back soothingly, but his voice is grave. “If it hurts this much, you shouldn’t dance.”

“I have to,” Felix says. 

It’s become his new manta. I have to. He sees the way it lands like a physical blow every time he says it. 

“We can say you have food poisoning,” Changbin presses. Felix spits once more and flushes, eagerly accepting the bottle of water his hyung offers. 

“And go to a doctor?” Felix asks testily. 

Changbin doesn’t have any solution to offer after that. 

Felix hasn’t felt this lonely since his maturation, and it’s almost worse now – now, with the members knowing, desperate to help, but unable to offer a single solution. He’s never not near them, but he’s so far away at the same time. Chan gently suggested that Felix give him the Houndswater stone, but Felix denied, as vehemently as he could in the face of his growing exhaustion. Even though he’s sleeping free of nightmares, his refusal to bow to the will of his wings seems to be draining his energy as soon as he can muster it. He has to save it for the concerts, for the conversations with managers and the interviews. Felix knows Stay have probably picked up on his exhaustion, but he doesn’t dare check social media or the comments. 

He’s lonely, even as he wraps himself around Hyunjin every night. He’s lonely, even as Jeongin sits with him through every miniscule meal. At least Jung seems pleased with what he must believe is restriction. He’s lonely, even as Jisung digs his fingers into the meat of Felix’s shoulders, and Minho tenderly combs through his hair, and Chan redirects questions away from Felix, and Seungmin watches him shrewdly but kindly, and Changbin rubs soothing circles across his upper back. 

He’s lonely when he returns to the hotel and digs up the resistance bands from his suitcase. Lonely as he ties on around his ankle, the other around his wrist, both anchoring him to the bed frame. 

Hyunjin doesn’t ask, but his worry feels more potent than ever.  

Rome

Chan gets two hours of sleep, if that, and one of those hours was on the plane to Italy. He dozes when they get back to the hotel room, lulled by Seungmin’s quiet breaths, but he’s awake again by four AM and the now-familiar worry needles its way into his mind. 

He has work he could be doing – tries to, even – but for the first time in his life, he can’t bring himself to produce a single beat. Instead, he sits in the hotel’s armchair and stares sightlessly at his dark laptop screen. 

Things were so good a week and a half ago. How the hell did they end up here?

Stray Kids is fraying, and he doesn’t know what to do. That’s part of the problem – none of them know what to do. Chan selfishly wishes he’d followed Hyunjin’s lead and banned Felix from speaking to Yeong-su, even though it wouldn’t have changed the facts. Felix is in danger, not because he might overhear a bell or someone might see his wings, but because his very essence has the potential to light up like a Christmas tree on the radars of people who want to hurt him and kill him. It’s so different from the suspension and maturation, where Felix was hiding what caused his suffering. This is worse. They all know exactly what’s going on, they know that Felix is in pain with his effort to control his wings, and they can’t do a damn thing to take the pain away. 

One more concert, Chan thinks. It’s a useless mantra. One more concert and then what, they go back to Seoul? Where Hunters know there’s a newly-matured Angel on the loose. Felix knows it too, that much is clear. For the first time, Chan wonders if he should (or could) force Felix to go back to Australia, force him out of the limelight and away from danger, but the very notion is like swallowing knives. 

He looks at the notepad he’s taken to carrying. 1. Don’t fly. 2. Don’t strengthen wings. 3. Don’t trigger instincts. 4. Don’t trigger any flares. An easy, short list, in theory, but so difficult in practice. Are Felix’s instincts being weakened? It’s hard to tell – the man himself certainly appears like a shadow of who he was when they first arrived in Paris, but Chan is terrified that Felix’s silence and pain and emotional numbness is doing nothing to quell his magic; Chan is terrified it’s just putting Felix in an unstable headspace.

At least they’ll have a moment to breathe once they’re back in Seoul. Chan wonders if he could track down Yeong-su, needle him for solutions that might not exist. Or find Felix’s friend that told him all this in the first place (Chan’s sure Seungmin, at the very least, knows who the friend is, but if he does, he’s not sharing) and beg him for anything to make things better–

A professional knock at the door makes Seungmin mumble in his sleep and Chan jump to attention. Yun is on the other side, looking shockingly alert for the early hour. 

“Sir?” Chan asks. Yun grimaces. 

“Sorry, I saw you were online and figured I’d drop this off with you,” he gestures to a small, duct-taped package marked fragile. “Hyunjin-ssi seems to have ordered it. Rush delivery, according to the courier.” 

Chan’s curiosity, such a welcome deviation from the monotony of panic and grief, piques. He takes the package.

“Thanks,” he says; it’s small, fits in his palm. “Probably jewelry or something. You know Hyunjinnie.” 

“Sounds like him,” Yun agrees. “Try to get some sleep, yeah?” 

Chan nods, but he won’t, and Yun probably knows. When he closes the door and turns back into the hotel room, Seungmin is sitting up, blinking blearily at the package. 

“Wazzat?” 

“Package Jinnie ordered,” Chan says, pulling out his phone to let Hunjin know it arrived. A moment later, Hyunjin responds. 

Can you send Minnie down to watch Lixie and I’ll come grab it?

Chan winces and looks up at Seungmin. Seungmin sighs and starts pulling on his shoes. 

---

Seungmin swears the hotel room smells like fear as he enters. Hyunjin sits stiffly on the edge of the mattress, staring at Felix like he can personally scare the nightmares away with the weight of his eyes alone. 

“Hi,” Seungmin says. 

Hyunjin looks terrible. His skin is waxy, eyes tired, posture ram-rod straight with tension. 

“Thanks for coming,” Hyunjin says. “I can’t bear to leave him alone in case he has a nightmare or sleep walks-” 

“It’s okay, Jinnie,” Seungmin quiets him, moving to sit on Hyunjin’s side of the bed. “Any way I can take care of him, I will.”

Hyunjin smiles weakly. 

“Go get your package,” Seungmin prods him away. Hyunjin leaves the room like he’s leaving behind a vital organ. Seungmin vaguely supposes he is: his heart. He straightens the duvet over Felix, and it reveals his face. 

If Hyunjin looked terrible, Felix looks like he’s come back from the dead three times over and is aiming for a fourth round. It’s achingly familiar: the pale, sallow skin, the early glimpses of weight loss, the pinch of anxiety that creases his brow even in his dreams. Felix grunts and tries to turn, but he’s tugged back. Seungmin gasps, rising to Felix’s side of the bed and lifting the duvet. 

Those damn resistance bands. One around his ankle, one around his wrist. They’re tied tighter than Felix had tied them before his maturation. He’ll have bruises, dark and deep. 

Felix grunts again, and when Seungmin looks up, it’s just in time to see Felix blinking awake. 

“Felix,” Seungmin says just his name, and yet it sounds like his heart is breaking. Felix drags his head up with all the effort of moving a mountain. Seungmin’s hand rests gently, but trembling, on Felix’s ankle. 

“Minnie,” Felix echoes in a sleep-deep voice. Seungmin stands up and Felix shifts over as best the bands will let him so he can sit on the bed. He doesn’t say anything more, because what else is there to offer? 

“I think we’ve been before, haven’t we,” Suengmin says. He looks up and Felix sees that he’s crying. 

“I guess we have,” Felix says. 

Seungmin doesn’t tell him to call Chan, or tell the truth to Hyunjin, because this isn’t like last time, and the truth, according to Yeong-su, is the very thing dragging Felix back to hell. He doesn’t tell Felix to go to the hospital, because they both know he can’t. He doesn’t try to get Felix to eat or leave the room or do anything. 

He just pulls Felix into a hug, and together they fall apart. 

Seoul

The company puts them in a hotel room close to the airport since their flight from Rome lands at three AM. They wordlessly pour into their beds for, at most, five precious hours of sleep. 

When Felix wakes up, he knows something is wrong. 

His wings no longer ache, they prickle. They prickle and itch and sting; in a way, it’s a welcome change from the aching and cramping, but it puts him on edge. Hyunjin seems to notice immediately. After they get ready in silence, he slips Felix’s headphones on and pulls him into a long hug; his hand doesn’t leave Felix’s back even as he pulls away.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You seem … different? Like you’re not in pain but you are.” 

“They feel weird,” Felix admits. He doesn't have to specify what the they are. 

“You’re okay to perform?” Hyunjin asks. When Felix opens his mouth to respond, like usual, I have to, Hyunjin stops him. “I could say I’m hurt, or there was an emergency and I need you. I could get you out of this.” 

“Just a few more shows,” Felix says. He’s tired – he’s so, so tired. Running on empty in every way possible. If Yeong-su’s recommendation was to make himself weak, to numb his instincts, then he’s succeeding. He just wishes it didn’t feel like dying. 

“Hey, before we go out there, I, uh, got you something,” Hyunjin says. There’s something insecure and nervous about his voice that has Felix instantly removing his headphones and pausing in the middle of slipping on his shoes. 

“You got me something?” Felix echoes. His voice has been so raspy – he never realized how much he liked to talk about anything and everything with the members, and he resists the urge to wince at the sound. Hyunjin fiddles with a small box in his lap. Something that Felix realizes, belatedly, is cautious excitement shivers up his spine – so unlike the pain he’s become all too accustomed to feeling. He gently puts his bag back on the ground and meets Hyunjin where he’s standing by their not-yet unpacked luggage. “What is it?” Felix asks. 

“It’s, um, here,” Hyunjin presses the box into Felix’s hands. It’s a nondescript jewelry box, unmarked but expensive feeling. Felix blinks up at Hyunjin and resists the urge to kiss him, instead opening the box. 

A small golden locket attached to a sturdy chain rests atop deep blue velvet. It’s a simple piece; The locket is oval, smooth save a tiny sun engraved on the front, hugging a crescent moon. Felix takes it out with fingers he hadn’t realized were shaking. He wedges a fingernail in the seam and flips it open to see not a photo, like he’d expected, but a small black button. 

“It’s an alarm necklace,” Hyunjin tells him. When Felix looks up, he’s surprised to see Hyunjin looking shy. Shy and hopeful and small, despite his height.“It connects to an app, so if you press that, it’ll send a signal to my phone. I’ll know you’re in trouble, and it’ll show me where you are. It’s not a tracker unless you press it.” 

Felix closes the locket and runs his thumb across the golden oval. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know if he could speak if he wanted to – for once, not of his own decision, but because every emotion he’s swallowed down over the past week and a half seems to be returning in full force, the dominant of them all a glowing, warm rush of love.  

“It’s – you don’t have to wear it, I don’t want you to feel like I don’t trust you or I’m, like, stalking you,” Hyunjin rushes, his voice pitching with nerves. “I just thought … maybe it was selfish, it’s dumb-” 

“I love it,” Felix croaks. When he looks back up at Felix, it’s through tears, though not so many that he can’t make out the tears swimming in Hyunjin’s eyes as well. 

“Really?” Hyunjin whispers. They’re still in the entrance of their hotel room, still wearing their shoes, but Hyunjin looks so soft. 

“When did you get this?” Felix asks. Hyunjin goes particularly red. 

“I had it custom made a few weeks ago. I was going to give it to you back in Seoul, but after everything, I asked one of the managers to ship it here.” 

“Weeks!” Felix gasps. “Jinnie, we weren’t even dating-” 

“So?” Hyunjin asks. “You were scared, you were in danger, and I … Felix, I would do anything to make you feel okay.” 

He takes a step closer, his hand rising to cup Felix’s cheek. Felix whimpers and leans into the touch. Cuddling is all well and good, but Felix has been decidedly more reserved since his revelation about the Hunters. Hyunjin hasn’t complained even once, has just been there in whatever capacity Felix has needed him, but now – with his long fingers tracing the splatter of not-yet-covered freckles – Felix realizes how much he missed being present. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispers. “I know I haven’t been fun to be around.” 

“What’d we say about you and the word ‘sorry’?” Hyunjin asks softly. “You have nothing to apologize for. We all heard the conversation. We all know why you’re being careful. No one’s mad – well not at you. Personally, I would love to get my hands on one of those hunters.” 

“My protective boyfriend,” Felix laughs; it’s a bit cracked at the edges, but it’s a laugh, and it makes Hyunjin’s eyes sparkle. “I … I missed this.” 

“Me too,” Hyunjin sighs. “I know why you’re withdrawing; I know why you’re keeping your wings bound. But I hope having the necklace might make you feel safe enough to … try?” 

“Try?” Felix echoes again. 

“Try being yourself,” Hyunjin says carefully. “Try seeing where Felix ends and instincts begin.” 

Felix sighs and hangs his head, and Hyunjin uses the moment to cup a hand around Felix’s neck and pull him in for a hug. 

“Once we’re out of Seoul, maybe,” Felix acquiesces. 

“Really?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Really,” Felix agrees. “I’m … I’m so tired, Jinnie.” 

“I know, Angel,” Hyunjin kisses the top of his head. “One more show, okay?” 

The necklace immediately goes around his neck. Hyunjin shows the app, and they watch as, upon pressing the button, a siren-accompanied notification blares on Hyunjin’s phone. The app shows their exact location in Seoul, a small dot pulsing on the map. 

“Amazing,” Felix tells Hyunjin. 

It’s the first day that his mood has been close to lifted, and it’s both startling and heartwarming that the members seem to notice as soon as Felix meets them in the hotel lobby. Jisung is practically bursting out of his skin with joy – joy he obviously fails to contain.

“I like your necklace,” Jisung tells Felix. It’s a rare thing to have Felix’s ears uncovered. Felix rubs his thumb across the locket. 

“Jinnie got it for me,” Felix says. Despite his exhaustion and fear, he still blushes at the admission. “It’s got a button inside that I can press, and he can track me on an app.” 

Jisung gasps. “That’s actually such a good idea!” 

“It’s a bit of a relief,” Felix says as they round the corner. Chan, Minho, Changbin, and Seungmin wander in front of them, wrestling and laughing, but peering back anxiously every few seconds. 

“I’m honestly surprised Minho-hyung didn’t think of that sooner,” Jisung grins. “Pretty sure the rest of his cats are microchipped-” 

“Yah, Sungie!” Felix feigns outrage. He moves to push Jisung, but Jisung giggles and darts into the nearest van. Felix smiles – small, weakly, but there – and pulls his headphones on. 

“Coldplay?” Hyunjin mouths as they get into the van. 

“Nah,” Felix whispers, his own voice lost to the powers of noise cancellation. He flashes his Spotify screen, where Cover Me is queued and waiting. Hyunjin smiles and blushes, and Felix smiles back.

---

The show definitely goes better than all the others have. Felix actually feels like he’s in his body some of the time rather than riding passenger to muscle memory. It’s still painful – the prickling of his wings feels less like a tickle and more like getting stung by ants the longer he dances. He has to hold himself back from hitting the wings, bound as they are beneath his bandages. Finally, though, the main show ends, only their encore to go, and Felix all but deflates as he steps backstage. 

“Alright, we’re gonna take fifteen,” Yun claps his hands. “Get some water, get some food, and give the last couple songs your all.” 

“Chan-hyung, I’m gonna hit the vending machines,” Hyunjin says as they walk, sweating and panting, back to their dressing room. “I’m starving.” 

“Ooh, can I come?” Jeongin asks. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. 

“You just want me to buy you snacks, you little leach.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll do it anyway,” Jeongin snorts. Hyunjin doesn’t even try to deny it. 

“Don’t get back here late!” Chan calls after them.

“Felix-ah, you did well today,” Jung is waiting for them in the wings. His presence immediately puts an end to the tomfoolery, even more so when he wraps a hand around Felix’s shoulder and squeezes. It’s a gesture that’s meant to be supportive, but Jung’s hands have found purchase just above his wings, right at a spot of pain so tender that Felix winces. “I know the diet is pretty standard, but I was starting to worry we went overboard. You’ve looked a bit weak these past few shows.” 

Jung actually looks concerned. The expression prickles at Felix’s spine, and just like that, any levity is lost. 

“Traveling isn’t always great on the appetite,” Chan steps in to take the question. 

Jung’s eyes flicker to Chan briefly but return to Felix. “Just don’t go too overboard. You look like you’ve been in pain. And remember, when you’re in pain, it hurts the group.” 

There’s something about that sentence that prods incessantly at the back of Felix’s mind. Something about the notion of causing pain that feels familiar, feels claustrophobic and nauseating. 

“Yes, sir,” Felix whispers. 

“Here,” Seungmin pushes the headphones into Felix’s hands as soon as Jung turns away. He doesn’t have his phone on him, but the noise cancellation still reduces all of the noise around him. 

It surprises him, then, when he hears Seungmin speak clearly and unmuffled. 

“Please don’t put this on me, Lix, I can’t do this alone.” 

Felix freezes, turns slowly, and takes the headphones off. 

“Can’t do what alone?” He asks. Seungmin stares at him in confusion. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Seungmin says. Felix is about to push when Minho pipes up, sounding anxious and angry. 

“No, we’re waiting for an ambulance. Minnie, you already called one, right?”

Minho flinches when Felix turns to him. “Hyung, why are we calling an ambulance? Is someone hurt?” 

“What’s going on?” Jisung asks. Changbin shakes his head, at a loss. 

“We’re not calling an ambulance,” Minho says slowly. He approaches Felix with open palms. “Aegi, what’s going on?” 

“You just said …” Felix’s breaths hitch, shallow desperate pulls of sweat-damp air. He whirls on the spot, eyes finding Chan’s “I heard Minnie-” 

“Have you all lost your minds?” Minho yells. “If you think I’m going to sit here and watch him bleed out then surely you must have-” 

“What’s going on?” Jisung sounds on the edge of panic, but Felix can’t figure out how to drag himself back to the present. He feels like he’s falling backwards, like a stone plummeting, helpless, into an ocean of viscous nothingness. 

“Oh, no,” Minho says suddenly – far away, just as his disembodied voice pierces through the pain, not from backstage but from weeks earlier: “That’s not possible. Angels aren’t real.” 

“I got chips, if anyone wants- what’s going on?” 

Hyunjin. Felix wants to swim towards the sound of him, but he can’t. A sharp, horrible pain whips across his back. Hands loop beneath his arms before he buckles to the floor. 

“What’s happening to him?” 

“Kids, let’s go! Places!” Yun grips Hyunjin by the arm. “Yongbok, you’re on the other side, right?” 

“Wait-” 

Felix lets someone move him. It’s all he can do to stay conscious – not physically, but mentally. That anxious twinge he’s felt after his nightmares is no longer an aftershock but a prodding, sentient thing; it reminds Felix of a weed bursting through a sidewalk crack: perseverent, inevitable. 

He’s all but shoved onto the stage. The roar of the crowd is deafening. Hands press against his back, expertly avoiding the bandages. Someone is talking to him, someone else is counting them down. 

“I’m sorry, but his body isn’t strong enough to do this himself. We have to try to help the wings free themselves.” 

The lights go off, the music begins, and Felix screams as every memory of his maturation floods the last of his consciousness away. 

---

Danger, danger, danger- 

Felix’s wings sear with pain, and Felix remembers. 

Pain. Blood. Wooyoung explaining what he can to Minho, Minho desperate to call an ambulance. Seungmin grabbing t-shirts and clear water and a box of razor blades, hovering in terror by the door. 

Wake up, you have to-

“Yongbok, c’mon, come back to us.”

Begging and pleading in wordless screams for the pain to end, Minho’s weight on the back of his legs. 

Body parts that are not his own, the tearing of his own skin. 

There is danger, you have to move-

“Yongbok? Yongbok, stay awake!”

Crying, pleading, the sensation of the sun disappearing behind a cloud- 

There is danger, his own voice snaps at him, and you have to save them. 

Suddenly, Felix is back; he’s in wings of the stage, drenched in sweat, with Chan and Minho staring down at him. 

“Oh my God,” Minho gasps. 

“Fuck, little one,” Chan wraps him in a hug. Or, he tries, but a moment later, Felix is on his feet. “Whoa, where are you going?”

“Where are the others?” Felix looks frantically across the swarm of staff. Many of them look back at him in fear, but none of them are his members. “Something’s wrong, there’s danger-” 

“Some of them went to get you gatorade, some of them ran to find your headphones–”

Felix doesn’t wait for Minho to finish explaining. He tears out of the backstage area and sprints down the halls. 

“Lix-hyung?” Jeongin gasps when Felix nearly runs into him. “What are you -- are you okay?” 

“Go to Chan-hyung,” Felix says. Jeongin shakes his head in confusion. 

“You should go to Chan-hyung, too, you just-”

“I have to find the others!” Felix snaps. “They’re in danger!” 

“What? Wait-” 

Felix doesn’t. He sprints again. Jisung and Seungmin are digging through Felix’s bag in the green room. 

“Go to Chan-hyung,” Felix says. Seungmin raises his eyebrows. 

“I don’t think-” 

“I wasn’t asking!” Felix yells. “Where -- where is Hyunjin?” 

Jisung shakes his head, at a loss, a small noise of hurt confusion escaping him.

“I’m not sure, but you shouldn't be running around-" 

Felix disappears in the throng before Jisung can grab him, eyes scanning for a head of short black hair. It’s useless: there are too many people, and the prickling in his wings is reaching a sensation that surpasses distracting. 

Danger, danger, danger, the voice chants in his ear. Felix pushes past the bodyguards and his eyes lock on the rear exit. The door is ajar. Immediately, his wings strain and pull. 

Felix shoulders through the crowd, eyes locked on the door. He bursts into the rear entrance with a strained gasp that is swallowed up by the wind. It cools the sweat on his neck, tousles his hair. His wings continue to protest, the scream of danger quickening to match his pounding heart. 

“Hyunjin!” Felix yells. 

There’s no one outside. It’s just cars and pavement. 

“Where is he?” Felix asks his wings, but he finds it difficult to sense them, as if his mistreatment of the wings themselves have severed a connection Felix didn’t realize he’d had. 

Danger, danger, danger-

Felix takes a step away from the door, then another. “Hyunjin?” he calls again. 

His phone pings, and Felix scrambles to pull it out of his pocket. 

 

ABS: 

Minho: Lix, all seven of us are backstage -- where are you? 

 

Felix’s wings strain and twitch and ache. It’s a horrible moment when he realizes: none of the members were in danger. His wings weren’t warning him of their peril. 

Felix had been so focused making sure every single member was safe. 

He realizes that he forgot to consider himself. 

He barely gets his response half-typed (outside, i think something is-) before a cloth sack is dragged over his head. He opens his mouth to yell, scream, anything, but something heavy and metal collides with the back of his skull. 

His vision goes dark just as he feels arms wrap around his body, and then he's dragged away.

Notes:

the way y'all talked about the cliffhanger on the last chapter was making me guilt-giggle because ... here we are

I know it was such a departure from the fun and joy, and I know we wanted good things to happen, but I love torturing my characters apparently! buckle up, next chapter will be ROUGH -- it's one of the ones I've had semi-written from the very beginning teehee

Chapter 16: and you push me to the edge

Summary:

Felix wakes in the back of a moving van; he's not sure if it would be better to die there or keep living.

Notes:

okay all of y'all's comments on the last chapter gave me LIFE and I wanted to put you out of your misery, so I'm uploading a day early. I know, I know, I didn't just lead you to the cliff's edge, I straight up threw you over.

That being said, here's a new chapter with a hefty series of TWs, but no cliffhanger! So 11000 words it is.

TW TW TW!!!!!: blood, descriptions of torture (in my opinion not TOO graphic but ... it's still torture), death (no one we know!), 1 instance of self injury (for a purpose) and just terrible times for all.

I will include a description of what occurred at the bottom. I honestly couldn't figure out a way to write this 'cleanly' since the suffering is throughout, but I'll try to be thorough in the end notes.

It feels fucked up to say "please enjoy" after all of that but ... please enjoy??? love u??? thank u?? so much?? for reading this fic??!!

Edited to add:
I created 2 playlists, both the one Hyunjin makes for Lix within this fic, and the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this story overall!
~feathers~
air beneath (my wings)

Felix comes to all at once, with none of his vision but every other sense fighting on overdrive. 

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. It pounds in his ears, right there with his racing heart rate; it happened. The Hunters got him.

Don’t panic, a voice that reminds him of Seungmin tells him. Where are you? Start there.

He’s in a car – he can feel it moving aggressively beneath him over uneven road – and his wrists are bound and pulled above his head, aching and numb at the same time. Where the sack over his head gapes, stale, iron-tinged air flows in. His mouth tastes just as irony – blood – and his head throbs from where he was hit. 

Worst of all, though, is the state of his wings. As soon as he’s conscious, he mentally calls to his wings despite his radio silence of late, tries to stretch them with a roll of his shoulders –

Pain – worse than his maturation, worse than anything he’s ever experienced – tears at his whole body, every nerve ending firing like he’s being electrocuted. It pulls his body like a bow string, contorting his spine and ripping a tortured scream from his throat. 

“I guess the little Angel’s awake.”

The voice is immediately familiar. It’s the woman from the loft. 

“If you stop moving, the pain will go away.” 

All of his members would fight this, Felix thinks. Jisung would be cackling with panicked rage, Innie too. Changbin and Chan would puff up their muscles, go silent. Minho and Seungmin would simply glare, probably scarily enough that the hunter would release them within the minute. And Hyunjin would speak with a tongue like a knife, sharp and cutting. 

But Felix isn’t his members. He freezes and bows his head. 

The woman chuckles. “What a pretty, obedient thing.” 

Shame prickles across Felix’s body. Maybe they’ll kill him fast. Maybe if he begs they won’t rip his magic away from him in long, torturous seconds. 

The woman plucks the bag off of Felix’s head and he’s blinded by bright, clinical light. She chuckles again meanly, and Felix is overwhelmed by the sound of it until he finally blinks away the glare. 

He’s not just in a car, but a van – the back of it, he notices. The driver and passenger seats are hidden behind a thin wall of metal, and the lack of windows combined with the blow to his head makes him even more nauseous. The van is cramped with built in storage surrounding the bench opposite from the one he’s hunched on. Everything is silver and metal and rusted with what Felix prays isn’t blood. 

The woman sinks before him and removes her cap and facemask. Without the coverings, Felix can see that the woman has to be around his age and is eerily beautiful -- smooth, opalescent skin, enormous eyes so dark that Felix genuinely thinks they might be black, and moon-white teeth peeking out from red lips. 

She is beautiful in the way an icicle is beautiful. Cold, severe, unhuman. 

Gleeful at Felix’s suffering. 

“See, this will be so much easier if you stop fighting,” she says. She raises a hand and pinches a loose lock of Felix’s hair between her fingers. Felix fights the urge to rip his head away, the pain still tingling throughout his body. “Besides, it’s not like you’re flying anywhere soon, my little bird.” 

Her grin slides behind Felix and with dawning horror, he cranes his neck. 

Then he swallows vomit. 

A metal clamp, sharp teeth glinting in the van’s interior lights, digs directly in the meat of his wings, the jaws clearly tightened in place given the size of the bolts and screws on its joint. Felix can’t see it fully, but he can feel how deeply the teeth are punctured, can feel the way his wings are unnaturally wrenched back. He whimpers at the sight of dark red blood matting his feathers where the teeth have clearly punctured the flesh and muscle. The clamp hangs from a chain, which loops through a hook, spans across the van’s ceiling, and down through a pulley to the woman’s hand. 

She grins and gives it a minute tug. 

Felix screams again as his wings are torn and cut. Barely a tug, and it hurt that badly.

“See? You’re piecing it together now, I can tell. I’ll make this so easy for you -- as long as you listen to me, I won’t pull this chain. You tell me what I want to know, you cooperate, the chain stays loose.” She nods to the far side of the van, right behind where the driver’s seat must be, at a golden key on a hook. “You want to ever feel those wings again, you listen to me. That lock doesn’t break.” 

Felix is going to throw up, but he swallows the bile again. If he throws up, he’ll tug at the chain. That damned chain. 

She doesn’t let go of the pulley, but she doesn’t tug it against as she sits on the bench opposite him. “First thing’s first, do you have a phone on you?” 

“I did,” Felix rasps. “I think I dropped it.” 

“Good,” she smiles. “Of course, we already checked, but it’s nice to know you’re telling the truth.”

“What do you want,” Felix whispers. “Please, just tell me what you want.” 

She reaches forward and touches one of Felix’s feathers; he squeezes his eyes closed, whimpering at the contact. No one has touched his feathers since Hyunjin in the garden shed, and the effect is immediately too much: not only are they touch starved, but they don’t recognize this contact. 

“Hmm, I don’t know if I’ll tell you,” she ponders mockingly. “It’s so much better when you’re afraid-” 

“My magic, you mean,” he interjects. 

“Mhmm,” she sounds ravenous and eyes Felix like he’s the last meal on the planet. “Letting you wonder could make it all the more delicious. Or perhaps I should tell you every little detail, let you know what to look forward to.” 

Felix shudders, then whimpers as the metal teeth dig a little further into his wings. 

“Since we’re going to be spending such a delicious amount of time together, introductions are in order. My real name is a secret,” she says, leaning back across from Felix while she rubs her thumb against the chain’s metal. “But you can call me Zou.” 

Felix nods. “You’re … a Hunter.” He swallows hard. “You were at the loft.”

She grins again. “Very astute, Lee Yongbok. I must confess, you gave us quite the runaround. My colleague and I were so certain you were near, and time and time again we tried to call to you, but to no avail. Those little members of yours are awfully protective, aren’t they? I’m surprised we were able to get you away from them.” 

The first sign of tears pricks at Felix’s eyes.

“Don’t hurt them,” Felix says. “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt them.” 

For the first time, her grin falters, replaced with empty disdain. “Ugh, you’re always the same. So good, so sacrificial. Don’t you ever get tired of the act?”

Felix’s eyes fill with tears at that. She didn’t say no, didn’t say she would leave his members safe and sound. 

Zou groans again. “I have no interest in your members, they’re not the ones with magic. Though, if you think for even a second you could evade me, I’m more than prepared to use them to get to you. Maybe the young one? He seems feisty though – there’s the one with those big eyes, he looks like he’d be terrified to be taken. Or perhaps the tall, pretty one, you’re with him most of all, aren’t you-” 

“Stop!” Felix begs. “Please, please, I-” 

“Oh, cut it out,” she deflates. “It doesn’t matter now, does it? We’re almost an hour out of Seoul. Even if they started looking the moment we took you, there’s no way for them to know where you are.” 

Felix chokes on the sob threatening to emerge. Zou’s dejection vanishes. “Aw, is it sinking in? There’s no hope, Yongbok. We’ve got you. You have no idea how excited I am to tear that magic from you feather by feather-” 

“Zou, I need your nav,” a man’s voice comes – muffled – from the front of the van behind that pocked sheet of metal. Felix knows it’s the man who was in the Loft, even though he can’t make out his voice quite as well. Zou stands, tossing the pulley’s handle in her hand and watching as Felix flinches with its every motion. 

No longer in the spotlight of Zou’s attention, Felix hangs his head as the tears finally stream down his face. He’s still wearing his tour outfit – white hightops, denim jeans, and the white tanktop, though it’s clearly been torn at the back to free his wings. The tears trickle down his neck and disappear beneath the material, across the locket-

The locket. Felix freezes, then angles his head back. He can see the locket resting on the hollow of his chest, a cool, reassuring weight. The problem is he has no way of opening it, let alone pressing the button. 

“Then give them the runaround,” Zou is saying to the man. “I doubt any police are going to notice the van, but if you’re worried, double back.” She shoots Felix a hungry stare. “Gives me a bit of time to play with our new toy. If we’re keeping him a secret surprise for the others, it’s only fair I get a test run.” 

“Why me?” Felix asks her. “You say you’re keeping me a secret. Why?” 

Zou seems torn between punishing him for speaking and hearing herself talk; in the end, the latter wins out, though she does tug at one of his feathers on her way back to her bench. “You matured recently, right?” 

Felix keeps his mouth shut, and she tugs the pulley – barely a tug, but it still drags pain through his body. 

“A little over a month ago,” Felix confesses. 

“Yes, that day. And every trace of Houndswater glowed, ” she practically moans, her flat eyes sparkling for the first time. “We all knew then: whatever Angel released that power would feed us for months if we acted quickly. When we couldn’t find you, my legion was furious. To have a glimpse of that power only to have it ripped away? My partner and I were desperate today, desperate for a trace or trail. I never could have imagined that we’d seen you on billboards and never been wiser. We were just passing your little concert when we caught a flare again, and there you were. Right place, right time. For us, at least.” 

“I’m not powerful,” Felix whimpers. “I’m weak, now.” 

She grins. “All the better. Your magic is still there, that doesn’t go away, but you’re too feeble to fight back? Well, it changes my game a bit, but it won’t change the outcome.” 

And then she reaches forward, pinches one of Felix's longest, most pristine feathers, and yanks. 

“NO!” Felix wails. The pain that blooms on his right wing is like an electric shock pulsing through his body, and his involuntary movement only exacerbates the sensation of the claw in his back, but it’s nothing compared to the overwhelming sense of loss he feels. There’s genuine grief at the loss of his feather, and though his wings are unreactive, he imagines them curling away in terror. Zou strokes the feather with wide eyes, puts it up to her nose and inhales deeply. Saliva pools in his mouth, his eyes hazy and tearfilled. 

“Beel,” she moans. “He’s perfect.” 

“Starting without me?” The man, Beel, snaps. “Can’t you wait?” 

“You wouldn’t be able to either,” she sneers at Felix. “I see why those members were so adamant about keeping you to themselves.” 

Felix doesn’t know what she means, horrified enough to hear her refer to the members at all. 

“Oh, you think they actually care about you?” Zou sneers. Felix whips his head up, sweat soaks hair slapping against his face and eyes white-rimmed in horror. Her sneer deepens. “Oh, you foolish little angel, you think they care about you?” 

“Yes,” Felix answers confidently, thinking of the past months with immediate clarity. “Of course they do. They take care of me.” 

“Since your maturation? Have they been oh so attentive?” Zou croons. 

Felix tries to fight his nod, but it must be too little, too late. “Wow, and here I thought you were smart. Little Angel, they don’t love you, they love your magic.” 

“No, that’s not true,” Felix says. “They’ve always cared about me, ever since I first met them.” 

“Your magic,” Zou paces around him slowly, raising another hand to brush aside his hair, then violently pinching Felix’s cheek between her fingers, forcing his gaze up. “Your magic draws people in. How else is an angel meant to protect, to be hailed and prayed to, without adoration from the masses? Let me guess – they tend to you, worry for you, want to lock you away from all harm?” 

Felix lips wobble. 

Zou smirks. “I’ll let you chew on that, hmm?”

And then she unlatches a panel in the front of the van, taking the pulley and chain with her and leaving Felix to bleed alone. 

---

Minho stares at the text like he can divine Felix into existence. Outside, something’s wro- 

The staff have moved the members in the green room. He can tell they’re panicking – not only did the encore stop as abruptly as it had begun, but then Felix had fainted only to vanish as soon as he’d awoken. Minho shakes where he’s hunched on the ground. 

“It’s okay, hyung, we’re gonna find him,” Jusing has a protective arm wrapped around him, even though that arm trembles with fear. 

“He remembered,” Minho whispers. “I was so confused, but the words he was saying? I think he was hearing the words Minnie and I told him before we cut the wings out. I …” he looks at Jisung, unable to keep the realization to himself. “What if remembering released magic? Yeong-su said his maturation was probably the very thing that put him on the hunter’s radar.” 

Jisung’s lip wobbles, and he doesn’t respond, just pulls Minho in tighter. 

Across the room, Hyunjin paces like a trapped animal, his eyes flicking to the green room door with an almost palpable fury. Chan asks repeatedly to speak to Yun. 

“We need to find him,” Minho hisses. 

“They think he ran off, I bet,” Jisung says. “I don’t know how we’re gonna convince them to let us leave.” 

I don’t care, Minho thinks. I don’t give a shit what management thinks. 

I’m getting him back if it’s the last thing I do. 

---

The van has doubled back, as Zou suggested to Beel; well, he’s not positive, but when Zou had crawled into the front of the van, he’d caught a glimpse of them merging south back to Seoul out of the front window.

His wings hang limp and lifeless on his back. He’s spent so many days ignoring their every instinct, and now he can barely feel them. He tries to twitch a single feather, but the very idea sends phantom stabs of pain from the joints to the tips. 

In the end, they can only hang there, shoulders aching where they’re wrenched behind him and chest tight with fear. Yeong-su said the hunters wanted death blood, death magic – magic at the brink of a end that would be welcomed compared the torture that would precede it. Felix squeezes his eyes shut and prays.

Save yourself, Felix begs his wings. Please, please, just stop time, tell me what to do, anything. 

Nothing. They hang as heavy and useless on his back as the necklace feels on his chest. The memories of his maturation shouldn’t be so painful, not as he sits with what are essentially knives embedded in his wings, but they still are. What was once nebulous fear is now stark-clear memories of pain, both his and the people in that room. He remembers Seungmin begging him to call someone, remembers him carrying Felix, playing hyung when no one was there. He remembers Wooyoung, confronted with the loss of his own wings as he helped to free Felix’s own. And he remembers Minho. Minho, who didn’t know what was going on, had no reason to believe that an ambulance would be a death sentence. Minho, who despite it all, believed Felix when it mattered and had a front row seat to his suffering. 

Maybe I’ll die fast, Felix hopes. Maybe we’ll get into a car crash. 

As soon as the thought occurs to him, he thinks of the members. He thinks of Innie’s protectiveness – fierce and brave and so much different with Felix; Seungmin’s steady presence from the very beginning, from dorm to dorm, and so steady throughout his entire maturation, believing Felix when no one else wood; Jisung’s mind like a copy-paste of his own, his giggliness and ever-open arms, as well as his seriousness whenever it was needed; Changbin’s constant strength, his readiness to bear any blow if it means Felix will be spared, his cuddles and compliments and knowing eyes; Minho’s everything – his care, his scolding, his unyielding and burning love, the pain he’s suffered for Felix and the fact that he’d do it a hundred times over; Chan’s slice-of-home voice, his sturdy hugs and calming words, his constant concern mixed with the gift of just seeing Felix for who he his, wherever it is. 

And Hyunjin. Hyunjin, who smiled at him that very first day as a trainee and never questioned Felix’s broken Korean, never questioned why Felix would curl himself into Hyunjin’s arms like he was trying to drown himself, never questioned Felix’s sadness or stress or joy, just allowed Felix to be there, exactly as he was. Hyunjin, who gets frustrated with Felix, who begs him for the truth, and who wraps him into a hug the second Felix gives it to him. Hyunjin, who calls him beautiful, and Baby, and Angel, and Sweetheart, and always has – long before the wings were there. Hyunjin, who Felix can feel in a room like a second heart; no, like a moon – a give and pull, a perfect compatibility. 

If you’re not there, who protects them? 

No, they put in so much work – them and the others, once the time came – and Felix can’t throw that away on hopes of death. He cannot give up, not so easily. 

He looks up, not at the chain, but at the handcuffs. They’re leather, not metal, hooked firmly to the ceiling. He just needs one hand, one hand to open the locket and hit the button, one hand to stretch – miles away – to Hyunjin and the others. He shifts his hand in the cuff; it’s tight, but not so tight that he can’t move it. There’s a chance Zou and Beel didn’t care so much if he got his hands free, because with his wings clamped, it’s not like he can go anywhere. 

The socket of his arm seems to grind with pain but Felix doesn’t let a single sound leave his mouth as he contorts his body. It’s agonizing work – twisting his arm without shifting the bones of his shoulder – but he’s able to wrench the bony point of his wrist beneath the cuff. He pinches his fingers until the meat of his thumb is touching his palm, fingers long and thin as possible. Then, he pulls. 

Shit, he thinks. The cuff still catches at his thumb, at the base of his hand. He can tell that, upon pulling, it will cause damage. He can only pray that damage will be closer to a sprain than a tear. 

He grit his teeth and yanks. 

Thankfully, the van is sweltering, and Felix is sweating bullets from fear regardless, so his skin is slick and slippery. There’s a pop in his thumb, but the pain is nothing like the fever-pitch agony in his wings or the violin-screech burn in his shoulders. And a moment later, his right arm is free. The feeling of no longer being bound, if only for a moment, is ecstasy. 

Unfortunately, his arm is bloodless, and it thuds beside him with a bang that is only rivaled by the sound of the cuffs clanking against the metal roof. 

“What was that?” Beel asks. Felix feels fear rake through his body, but he has maybe seconds at most. He drags his numb arm up, clasps at the locket with clumsy fingers, flips it open, and presses the button. He barely closes the locket in time before Zou has the metal panel thrown open, eyes fiery. She stalks into the rear of the van with a predatorial snarl. 

“And here I thought you were an obedient little angel,” she hisses. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix whispers. “M-my hand was hurting.” 

She grins. “Oh yeah. Everything’s going to, now.” 

“Please, please don’t-” Felix pants, pleading as his lungs work themselves into hyperventilation. It only makes Zou beam more widely. She tosses the chain once, twice, three times and flexes her finger around the handle. 

“Let’s play, yeah?” She asks. 

Felix’s screams fill the van. They don’t stop for a very long time.

---

“Let us go! ” Hyunjin yells at Yun and Jung, who have just walked through the green room door flanked by security. 

Their security looks at a loss. Their job is to protect Stray Kids, but now they’re being asked to keep them in. Yun pinches his nose as Hyunjin yells. It’s not the first yell of the night, and Hyunjin has no intention of it being the last – not until he lets them pass. 

“Hyunjin-ssi, I told you, you need to wait here while we get Felix.” 

Hyunjin whirls around to look at Chan. Chan is not normally quick to anger – he’s patient, understanding, and when the fury does come, it’s cold and silent. 

Now, though, Chan looks ready to snap. Every vein on his arms seems to tremble with the need to destroy something. 

“Yun- ssi , you cannot hold my members here,” he growls, stressing the honorific with a hiss. “We need to find Felix.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Yun rolls his eyes. Behind him, Jung nods distractedly. “You know how he is – social, bubbly, excitable. I’m sure he just got lost and is having the time of his life getting to chat with Stays-” 

“He’s not,” Hyunjin growls. Yun groans. 

“Hyunjin-ssi, I’m not having this fight with you. I need to go make sure your vans are read – the crowds out there are no joke – and I’ll make sure there’s a car ready to bring Yongbok as well. It’s bad enough that there was no encore – this isn’t going to go over well with the fans…” 

He doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to yell again; he waltzes out the door, taking Jung and the security guards with him. 

Hyunjin is seething, hands balled into fists at his side. “Where’s my phone?” He snaps. Jisung glances at the device, tossing it quickly to Hyunjin. 

“Who are you calling?” 

“Someone who might know something,” he says, putting the phone to his ear. Chan is at his side in an instant, not stopping him but definitely keen to understand. The phone rings once, twice, three times-

“Hello?” Yeong-su’s voice is confused on the other end of the phone. There’s a beat of silence, and Yeong-su whispers. “Felix-ssi-”

“This is one of Felix’s friends,” Hyunjin cuts him off – a little too harsh, definitely rude – but he feels like he’s going to throw up if he can’t do something actionable. “Got your number from his phone after you two spoke.” 

Yeong-su murmurs something – wherever he is is loud – and presumably moves somewhere more private if the absence of background noise is any indication. “They got him, didn’t they?”

“We think so,” Hyunjin says. “He … we were doing a concert, and he remembered his maturation. The next thing we knew, he was running around trying to make sure we were all safe. Then he was just gone. He tried to send a text, but it was unfinished.”

Like someone took him before he could finish typing it out.  

“You’re his charges, right?” Yeong-su guesses. “The ones he protects?” 

Hyunjin shudders, but he pushes down his sob. Chan’s hand finds his in a bone crushing squeeze. “Yes.”  

Yeong-su doesn’t say anything, but his silence is somehow just as poignant as a gasp might have been. 

“When did they take him?” 

“Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes ago,” Hyunjin digs his fingernails into his palm to keep from breaking down then and there. “I need - do you - where would they have taken him?”

And if his silence before was a gasp, the one now is a nightmare. It is unspoken horror. 

“No, no you have to know!” Hyunjin hisses down the line. “You put all that shit in his head about being weak and now he’s gone – what do you know! ” 

“Hyunjin-ah,” Chan warns, but Hyunjin doesn’t let him take the phone. 

“We know your dad was taken by the Hunters, so you have to know something – or at least he does–”

“I’m sorry,” Yeong-su whispers. “If they have him … there’s no telling where they took him. They’re not going to let him go easily-”

“Neither will I!” Hyunjin sobs. 

Yeong-su is quiet for a minute. Hyunjin expected him to be more frantic, but then again, he hardly knows Felix. 

“They would have gotten him out of Seoul,” he finally says, barely in a whisper. “I’m not sure where, but they wouldn’t risk keeping him in a populated area.” 

“That’s not very specific,” Changbin groans, more to himself than to the room. 

“I’m really sorry,” Yeong-su says again. “I wish I knew more-” 

Hyunjin hangs up the phone. 

He punches the wall. 

“ Hyunjin!” Chan’s voice is sharper this time. Hyunjin whirls on him. 

“Is now really the time to scold me, hyung?” he yells. “Felix is being taken God knows where by people that want to rip out his-”

“Ahem!” Seungmin coughs loudly, obviously, to stop Hyunjin from saying wings , even though they’re very much alone. Hyunjin glares at him too, if only to look away from Chan for five seconds. 

“You’re right,” their leader says. He peers out of the door, turns back around, and fishes a set of car keys from his pockets. “Let’s go get him.” 

The silence is deafening. Hyunjin takes a careful step forward. “What?” 

Chan huffs. “I’ve been waiting for security to leave, and they’re gone. These are Yun’s car keys, I think, and we probably have ten minutes before he realizes they’re gone. I know we have no clue where he is, but we can at least get out of Seoul-” 

“I’m coming with you,” Hyunjin says quickly, desperately. “Please, Chan, please-” 

“Of course, Jinnie,” Chan promises him, somehow still soothing regardless of the situation. “Minho?” 

“Try to stop me, hyung,” Minho growls. Hyunjin sees that he has a multitool clenched in his hand (where he got it, Hyunjin has no idea) and is fiddling with the switchblade.

“The rest of you should go to the dorms-”

“No, hyung, we can’t just sit back!” Jeongin pushes himself forward, chin jutted in protest. 

“We can’t all fit in the car, Innie,” Chan says. “Besides, we need you guys to keep an eye on social media. Watch any of the stories you can find, any TikToks, that might have accidentally captured him. It’s a long shot, but you never know.”

Jeongin still looks like he wants to fight. “Felix-hyung wouldn’t stay back-”

“But he’d want you to,” Hyunjin says. “Please, Iyen-ah.” 

“We’ll be more help here than in the car,” Changbin puts a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder. Finally, the maknae relaxes, and Chan faces Seungmin.

“Minnie, you know Felix’s friend? I know he won’t tell us who it is, but if you can-” 

“Yes,” Seugnmin nods quickly, already grabbing his phone. “I’ll see if he has any ideas.” 

“Good,” Chan nods. He tosses the keys in one hand and swallows, resolved. “Keep up updated,” he faces Minho and Hyunjin, seeing Jisung hovering at the edge. 

“Hyung, please,” Jisung whispers. Minho glances at his boyfriend, back at Chan, and wraps an arm tightly around his middle. 

“Let’s go,” Chan acquiesces. 

Finding Yun’s car takes minutes, but each one frays in a horrible whirlwind of what ifs. When they spot the silver SUV in the parking garage, Chan doesn’t even wait to confirm if they’re buckled in, just tears onto the street and weaves through traffic. 

“North or south,” Chan asks. 

“North,” Minho says. “If they need privacy, they’ll get it more quickly towards Bukhansan than south.” 

It’s such a guess, and the uncertainty blooms in the car like a noxious odor. 

“They could be anywhere,” Jisung is the one to vocalize it. Hyunjin grips his phone so hard his knuckles crack. 

“It’s my fault,” Hyunjin whispers. “This morning I was telling him that he could let up, maybe, on keeping his instincts tamped down. It hurt so badly to see him dimming himself, and I can tell – we all can – that he's miserable. What if I caused him to let his guard down, and that opened the door just enough for him to remember?” 

“It's not your fault,” Minho says sharply. “Bbokie was remembering his maturation anyway. There must have been something that pushed him over the edge.” 

“It’s still … I told him I’d keep him safe,” Hyunjin chokes the words out with such force that he can hardly breathe. “I promised him I wouldn’t let anything happen to him-”

“We all did,” Chan says. His eyes are fixed on the road, grip tight on the wheel, but a tear slips from his eye. “We just didn’t realize how big of a promise that was to make.” 

Hyunjin exhales slowly, willing himself to relax. His knuckles are split from where he punched the wall, and his vision is hazy with panic. He glances at his phone, at the map of Seoul navigating them north, when the notification arrives. 

“Wait!” Hyunjin yells. 

Chan slams on the breaks. 

“Not literally!” Hyunjin gasps as he’s thrown forward and then back in the seat. 

“Then why did you-” 

“The necklace, Lix must have pressed the button!” His eyes are narrowed at his phone. “I just … I got a ping,” he looks up, eyes black with rage and purpose. “I can track Lix.” 

Chan ignores the traffic building behind them. “Give me the address. Now.” 

“It’s not an address, it’s coordinates,” Hyunjin breathes. “Here, I’ll pull it up.” 

Chan blinks at the phone screen. Hyunjin watches his face settle into something steely and determined. 

“Let’s get our Angel back.” 

---

By the time the car rolls to a stop, Felix is out of tears and so exhausted that he doesn’t quite know how he’s still functioning. There were a few moments during the torture where he thought, gratefully, he was on the edge of unconsciousness, but Zou seemed keenly aware and would mention one of his members by name. ( Kim Seungmin, he seems like he would be difficult to break, but so satisfying; Bang Chan – oh yes, the strong ones are always fun. He and that Seo Changbin, they wouldn’t be able to muscle their ways out of anything–). Felix would suddenly be ripped back into alertness, equal parts begging and growling at the implication of the members’ suffering. 

Blood and bile have long since ruined his outfit. The former drips down his spine, his arms, into his eyes. His shoulders burn from where he’s strained involuntarily against the cuffs like a caged animal, his only thoughts away and pain and no more. 

When the backdoor of the van slams open, Felix flinches, but he doesn’t look up. Zou chuckles, and the man – Beel – whistles. 

“Did you kill him?” he asks. 

“No, of course not! I wasn’t the one who fucked up the batch of Houndswater, you know–”

“How was I supposed to know that bitch was gonna die from having a couple wings plucked out?” Beel scoffs. Felix closes his eyes as he hears shoes tap on the metal floor, feels the van bow under the weight of a body. “Ugh, you really fucked him up.” 

The chains above him rattle, and Felix tenses in preparation, but there’s no tug, just metallic fiddling above his head. 

“We can rinse him off if it means that much to you,” Zou sounds a bit irritated now. “I always forget you like the pretty ones.” 

Felix hears the chain unfurling and then the clamp thuds to the ground, taking Felix with it. He moans in pain at the shifting weight, moans as his lifeless wings are torn even more beneath the metal teeth. Something kicks lightly at his face until his skull lolls to the side. Beel, like Zou, is beautiful. Felix wonders if Angel Blood is to blame for their looks. 

“He is a pretty one, isn’t he?” Beel says it like an insult, sneering down at Felix. He kicks at Felix’s shoulder, grinning when Felix chokes on a scream that he doesn’t have the energy to produce, and then spits on him.

“Alright, let’s get him out, you can have your fun later.” 

Felix narrows his eyes towards the exit of the van, but can’t tell what’s out there – his vision is so hazy – but he can see a stripe of dark sky, what must be a scar of trees. 

“Fine,” Beel grumbles, and then he addresses Felix for the first time. “Can you walk, or am I going to have to drag you.” 

He shakes the chain to get his point across. The sound of clinking makes Felix whimper. 

“Please no, please no,” he mumbles, the words slipping out like marbles. Beel snorts. 

“Get up then.” 

But he tugs the chain a bit, and the zap of pain makes Felix dry heave. He reaches for his wings again, but they remain heavy and limp. Save me, save me, please. 

“Come on, pretty boy, we don't have all day.” 

It’s the threatening jingle of the chain punctuating his sentence that forces Felix to rise. He’s shaky on his feet, numb from the shoulder down in his arms, and the gravity-pull on his wings, where the clamp still hangs, makes him sob. Beel looks at him like he’s a cockroach and shoves Felix onto the grass. 

They’re outside – not just of the van, but of civilization. Outside off a dirt road in the middle of the trees. Felix tries to make out the sound of humanity – the rush of a highway, music from a bar, anything – but it’s useless. He narrows his eyes ahead instead, his fingers clawing at soil, but his hair is plastered with sweat and blood to his forehead, so he can only crawl, moaning and whimpering, towards the hulking shape of some kind of building. 

“Fuck, he’s useless,” Beel grunts. 

Suddenly, there’s a boot kicking violently against his side. Felix moans as he crumbles to the ground, his split lip pressing against soil. Beel kicks once more for good measure.

“Drag him,” Zou says. Before Felix can cry out, she amends, “by his ankles. I don’t want to lose any feathers by accident.” 

The implication makes Felix heave again. He tries to scramble backwards, suddenly desperate to go any direction but the one they want. There’s no use, though; he’s spent, and when a large hand clasps around his ankle, he barely has the strength to weakly kick. 

Beel drags him on his stomach, his shirt riding up and rocks scraping at the skin. After all of the pain he has experienced, it shouldn’t bother him, but Felix has always been sensitive. 

“Where is everyone?” Zou asks as he’s dragged.

“Hunting,” Beel says. “Little do they know we already caught our prize.” 

He says prize the way kids at school used to taunt his freckles. 

“I want to get started,” Zou hisses. “Radio them back.”

“You do it, my hands are full.” 

He jerks Felix’s ankles a little more sharply for effect, either not noticing or not caring when Felix yelps in pain. 

“You won’t get service until we’re underground, though.”

Service. Felix feels his stomach sink – he didn’t know there was anywhere lower for it to go – and thinks bleakly of the locket. He should have asked Hyunjin if it needs good service to send a signal. He has no clue how far down the highway they were when he pressed the button. He can only pray that it went through, that Chan will put his lead foot to use, that they’ll come armed–

No, he thinks suddenly. They shouldn’t come. It’s dangerous. 

What a selfish thing, Felix thinks, it is to want to live. 

“I’m tired of this,” Beel drawls. “Where’s the bell?” 

“No!” Felix wails. “Please, don’t!” 

“Weird,” Zou says, not Felix but to Beel who just watches his pathetic crawling like he’s watching a slug. “My impression was always that the bell called to you.” 

It does. Felix thinks. But I need to be alert. 

Felix tries to claw at the ground again. Beel sighs again and kicks him until he’s on his side, face visible. Then Beel grabs him by his hair and drags him upright. Felix shrieks in pain, but Beel’s other hand roughly pinches at his cheeks until Felix has nowhere to look but his eyes. 

“I’m getting real sick of you and your little freak wing friends’ shit. I’ve got great news for you, kid – this bell is the least of your worries. Just you wait til the Sanctus bell is done – as if you’ll still be alive by then.”

Beel throws him back to the ground. From beneath his hair, Felix can see Zou approaching him. 

“Don’t be such an asshole, we got him, ” she says. Still, he reaches down, and Felix feels the leather cuffs once again loop around his wrist – not nearly as tightly as before, but the wrenching of his arms behind his body is painful enough.

“It’s been weeks since we’ve had a fix,” Beel snarls. “All that angel blood for the Sanctus bell?” 

“It’s ten times the fucking size, it’s a waste of Houndswater-”

“It’s not waste,” Zou hisses, sharper than before, and it seems to silence Beel’s anger in some capacity. “Think of the potential. At the right event, we could Angels crawling on hands and knees into our open arms.” 

“Besides,” she continues with a nod in Felix’s direction, “We’ll have his blood, now. If you’re so grumpy, take a feather; the blood at the source won’t be the same, but it’ll be something.” 

Felix wriggles away as best he can, but Zou responds by stamping a foot on his right wing. He blinks up at her, but she’s busy staring down Beel. 

“What do you do with my blood?” He dares to whisper, if anything to buy himself some time. “Besides making Houndswater?” 

Beel looks like he wants to tear a wing off then and there, but Zou smirks. “Just like your magic-sick little band members feel drawn to you, we too are drawn; most humans don’t have the misfortune of meeting an Angel, but those who do might just realize how your blood-” 

She shoves a finger against the open wounds from Felix’s wings, ignoring his hiss of pain, and then brings it to her nose. She inhales deeply, then pops the finger into her mouth. When she looks back at him, gold glints in her eyes. It’s not the same shine he’s seen in his own eyes, or Wooyoung’s, or Yeong-su’s; it reminds him, immediately, of pupils dilated from drugs. 

“Of course it’s much, much more delightful when your wings are on their last leg – or feather, I suppose would be more apt – but even this little bit of pain is bringing out the effects. Let’s just say we all have gotten a bit … accustomed to the euphoria we’re able to achieve. Once our legion finds out that we got you, and once they realize who you are, we’ll feast for months.” 

“So move over, Zou, and let me have a taste,” Beel grunts. Felix tries to wrench away, but his right wing is still trapped beneath Zou’s boot, and he can’t connect with his wing to make it move itself.

“Keep still, you little shit,” Beel hisses, his hands reaching for the longest feather on his freed wing. “It’s all you’re good for-”

“What the fuck is that noise?” Zou asks. 

Beel freezes, the tip of his finger just brushing his feather. The pounding of Felix’s heart is deafening, but a distant ringing slowly but surely comes to his attention.  No, not a ringing, but a squeal. 

Tires on gravel. 

Felix can barely muster up the courage to lift his head, but he manages to turn it at the very least. For a minute, his heart soars – it worked, the members are here-

But three massive, armored cars barrel into view, spitting rock and dirt as they skin to a stop. 

“Shit, it’s the bureau!” Beel swears. 

“How the fuck did they find us!” Zou hisses. She rips into her backpack and pulls out a massive fire arm. 

“Get him in the van, put a bag on his head,” she says. Beel doesn’t wait a moment – he scoops Felix, screaming in pain, over his shoulder, throws him into the back of the van, and drags a sack over his head. 

“Don’t fucking move,” Beel says, and then he slams the door shut. 

“Call the others!” Zou yells, her voice muffled to Felix’s ear. “We need backup!” 

Felix can’t see. He shakes his head, but between the lingering blow he received to the skull outside the venue and the general agony throughout his body, he doesn’t have the strength to knock the bag off. It smells foul – sour and metallic; it smells like fear. 

Suddenly, a gunshot fires through the air. Felix screams on instinct. 

“Give us the Angel!” A voice echoes, amplified via megaphone, Felix assumes, across the would-be tranquil forest. 

“Back up is coming!” Beel shouts back. “In numbers bigger than what you have!” 

“We know that’s not true. Your kind are too greedy to tolerate large numbers. Too many egos, too many appetites .”  

“You want that wing freak you go through us,” Zou spits. Felix thinks he hears the sounds of more cars approaching, though whether they carry agents or the supposed backup hunters, Felix can’t tell. All he knows is that Zou’s words are met with a sneering: “Gladly”, and then the gunshots begin. 

Get the key, he tells himself. 

Moving is agonizing, but without the active threat of Zou or Beel shaking the chain, Felix feels like he actually has a shot. His hands slide easily from the cuffs this time and he rips the sack off of his head. Getting the key is easy, but reaching the lock on the clamp is a masterclass in silent screams. Raising his arms is like dying, but his fingertips touch the key slot and he knows he’s so close. Just a few centimeters closer, that’s all he needs, but each of those centimeters feels like hellfire. 

“Where’s your little Angel?” A voice yells – no longer over the megaphone, but right outside of the van, so close that Felix can hear the gun’s safety clicking. “We know you took one; we know it’s here.” 

“Why do you give a shit, planning on brainwashing another?” Zou spits. 

“Only after I clip its wings,” the voice snarls. Male, familiar and anonymous all at once. Felix whimpers, stretches his arm that centimeter more, and finally gets the key into the lock. 

The firearms scream to life just in time to mask the sound of the clamp hitting the floor. Felix sobs in relief even as the sensation sends him crashing to the floor. The clamp is enormous, now that he’s looking at it properly; the teeth are crushes with blood and downy tufts of feather. 

Don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up. 

Not one, but two groups of very armed enemies are outside, fighting to get him. You have to move, he tells himself. You have no clue where you are, you’re only running off adrenaline, and the two groups who want to take you are fighting each other. 

The thought gets Felix to his feet – well, not his feet, but to his hands and knees, half crawling and half dragging himself. The need to smell fresh air again is like heroin, and he nearly cries aloud when he finally drags himself to the doors and opens them a centimeter. 

He blinks against sweat and the strobe of gunfire; the hunters fight, as Felix would have suspected, violently – all aggressive punches and uninhibited gunfire. This supposed bureau are no less brutal, but their calculated shots and swift movements look much more clinical, more practiced. Unlike the agents, they wear fully tactical gear, covered from head to toe. Felix flinches when he realizes that backup has certainly arrived, at least as far as Zou and Beel are concerned. 

But right now, they’re all so focused on fighting each other, that they don’t seem to notice Felix, and he knows he needs to take advantage while he can. He stays low to the ground as he silently drops out of the van, immediately darting around the side of it to crouch in the shadows. 

He begs his feet to move more quickly, begs his wings to flex, to fly him out of here, but nothing helps. He’s never felt like less of an angel. 

He can only hope that if either group catches, they kill him quickly.

Move, he tells himself, and he forces himself to crawl. 

Baby steps, Hyunjin’s voice whispers in his ear. He crawls – inch after inch – but he only makes it to the back of the van when that same male voice shouts in glee. Felix gasps and pushes himself beneath the van, sure he’s been caught, but when he peers out, the man isn’t looking in his direction, but at Beel, who’s arms are held by two additional bureau agents. The other Hunters freeze. 

Because in the man’s hand is the bell. 

“Finally,” the man hisses. “I’ve wanted my hand on this for quite some time-”

“Fine, take it!” Beel says quickly. Too quickly. Felix can’t see the man’s face, but he imagines that his brow is raised. 

“Oh my,” the man says. “You have something else, don’t you?”

Beel lifts his chin and, like he’d done to Felix mere minutes ago, spit straight in the man’s face. 

“Fine,” the man sighs. “Kill him.” 

Felix has barely a moment to stifle his scream when Beel’s head is gripped between two gloved hands and snapped to the right. His body crumples in a heap. It falls next to another body – Zou, Felix realizes, based on her hair; her face is gone, blown away by a bullet.

“Now that that’s done,” the man glances at the bell. “Why don’t we test this little toy out, hmm?” 

Felix’s heart is in his throat. For a moment, the pain is gone – in its place, there’s only adrenaline, and it’s that adrenaline that makes him scramble quickly away from the fight, away from that bell–

He makes it to a half crouch, hidden behind the van, when his vision goes gold.

---

Hyunjin is in the passenger seat, very aware that Chan is driving far above the speed limit, but his only focus is the tiny pulsing dot on his phone screen. 

“How much further?” He asks again. Chan grunts. 

“Five minutes. This place is in the middle of nowhere.” 

“Make it one,” Hyunjin growls. Night is pitch black as they race through the trees, except as they turn a corner–

“What the hell?” Chan murmurs. 

Orange flashes illuminate the trunks ahead. 

“Chan, pull over,” Minho says. 

“What?” Chan gasps. “We’re so close-” 

“Those are gun shots,” Minho cuts him off. “And we’re no good to Yongbok-ah if we’re dead.” 

Chan parks the car quickly. Hyunjin fights the urge to run straight towards those lights. Guns? Felix? Those two things should not exist in the same space. 

“Through the trees,” Jisung says, and they step off the road and into the brush. At first, Hyunjin is worried that their loud trampling over branches and leaves will give away their position, but the closer they get, the louder the sounds of the fight are. 

Hyunjin gasps when they reach the tree’s edge. 

It’s not just a fight, it’s a full blown war. While both sides of the war are dressed in black, the divide is evident: the hunters, Hyunjin recognizes, wear black streetwear, bandanas and caps. The other side looks like they were just deployed from the military. 

And in the middle of it all, a man holds a bell aloft; a body is crumpled at his feet. 

“There!” Jisung points desperately towards one of the vehicles, a silver van; Felix – fuzzy through the dark, hunched around himself, wings boneless – is moving at a crouch. 

And then there’s a tinkling. Felix freezes; even at this distance, Hyunjin can see the flash of gold in his eyes.

No, Hyunjin thinks desperately.

“Why isn’t he moving,” he whispers. “Fuck, why aren’t his wings helping him?” 

Minho swallows anxiously beside him, his eyes narrowed. “Because … because Felix doesn’t think saving himself is as paramount as saving us.”

Jisung makes a noise as if he’s been punched. Hyunjin steps forward, and Chan pulls him back. 

“They’re shooting guns, Jinnie, it’s suicide.” 

“It’s Lix ,” Hyunjin begs. Tears have finally breached his eyes, pouring hot and thick down his cheeks. “You have to … you have to let me-” 

“We need a plan,” Chan is panicking a bit now; it jars Hyunjin more than he cares to admit. 

“We don’t have time for a plan-” Minho cuts in. “I’ll go-” 

“No-” 

“He could fight back,” Jisung sobs. “At the loft, he was ready to fight back.” 

At the loft. Hyunjin gasps, grips Chan’s arms like they’re the only thing anchoring him in a storm. 

“Hit me,” Hyunjin says suddenly. Chan gasps. 

“What?” 

“Hit me, hurt me, you have to put me in danger,” Hyunjin pants. “It was the only thing that broke Lix out of his trance last time!” 

“I-” Chan shakes his head, obviously overwhelmed. He weakly punches Hyunjin in the shoulder. 

“Hyung, you have to try to actually hurt me-”

“I can’t!” 

Hyunjin groans, tears finally pouring over his eyes as he watches Felix weakly crawl towards the bell. His eyes flicker down to Minho’s small switchblade. Minho follows the movement. 

“Do you trust me?” Hyunjin asks, low enough that maybe Chan doesn’t hear. “Do you … do you trust me as much as you need to protect him.” 

Because Hyunjin knows if anyone will do whatever it takes to protect Felix, despite the other members, it’s Minho. 

“Yes,” Minho says. 

Hyunjin grabs the knife, drags his sleeve up, and hopes that his adrenaline will outway the pain. His forearm is moonlight-white. He’ll have to get used to wearing long sleeves. 

He presses the blade against his skin, shuts his eyes, and slashes. 

The effect is instant; one second, Felix is frozen, and the next, he’s in the air. Hyunjin gasps, eyes flickering between the ascension of his body and the fighting, but the war has resumed at an increased frenzy, and no one seems to notice the airborne body in the darkness. 

Felix doesn’t so much fly as he rapidly ascends and then plummets into the trees. Hyunjin’s heart is in his throat, eyes locked at the dim ( fuck, why is it so dim! ) glow of his wings. He doesn’t think to check if the others are following, just sprints to that patch of leaves. He’s anticipating needing to pull Felix into his arms, carry dead weight back to the car. 

But a moment later, Felix is standing, and while his wings may be dim in their illuminations, his eyes are so bright that Hyunjin has to squint against the light. His wings twitch weakly and disoriented as he stumbles at Hyunjin like a zombie. 

“Lixie,” Hyunjin whispers. 

Another step. Then another. 

“Get the car,” Hyunjin tells Chan just before Felix hurtles himself into Hyunjin’s arms. His back is wet and hot. Hyunjin can’t see why, but he’s certain it’s blood. 

“I’m safe, Angel,” he whispers. “I’m safe, you can rest.” 

The wings don’t move anymore. They hang like wet towels from his back. The gold emanating from Felix’s eyes flickers. 

“Sleep,” Hyunjin says. 

And sleeping is objectively different from fainting, but the feeling of Felix limp in his arms is still a stark relief, because he’s here . 

Chan drives the car, headlights off, in their direction. Hyunjin sweeps Felix up into his arms and stomps through the rest of the brush to the car. Jisung takes the passenger seat, and Minho holds the back door open so Hyunjin can carry Felix inside without putting any more strain on his body. Jisung has already reclined one of the seats, and he oh-so gently lays Felix’s unresponsive body on the chair, placing his hoodie beneath his skull for good measure. 

“Chan, go,” Minho whispers. 

Chan tears onto the road. For a moment, there’s no speaking, onto the slowing of their hearts. 

“Jinnie, let me see your arm,” Minho says. And oh, maybe that’s why Hyunjin is finding it painfully difficult to keep his vision from spinning. He lets Minho wrap a cloth (it’s his t-shirt, Hyunjin realizes) around the deep, bleeding cut, then lets him reposition his arm so it’s above his head. “Keep it raised above your chest until it clots a bit.” 

As soon as they’re on the freeway, seemingly without the trail of armored vehicles or large silver vans, and as soon as he feels in control of his own body, Hyunjin looks to Felix. 

He claps a hand over his mouth and gags. 

“Here you go,” Jisung digs in the glove compartment and shoves a plastic bag at him. Hyunjin immediately hunches over it, but he manages to swallow bile. 

Felix is curled on his side, face tucked away. His wings are covered in blood. As the headlamps flash by, they illuminate deep, horrible gashes at the meat of his wings. The skin of his shoulders are bottled with dark purple bruises to match the rings around his wrists. A spot of blood is still dripping at the tip of his wings, and it takes Hyunjin a moment to realize that it’s because a feather is missing. 

“Oh my God,” Jisung gasps. 

“What the hell did they do to him?” Minho hisses. 

“What’s going on, guys?” Chan asks. “C’mon, someone tell me what the fuck-” 

“Give us a second, Channie-hyung,” Jisung whimpers. 

Hyunjin gently pulls at his arm to half-roll him towards his back. He doesn’t let Felix fully lay for fear of further injuring his wings, but he needs to see his face. His tanktop is more red than white at this point, and the sides have been viscously torn. There’s more bruising along his sides as if someone kicked him there. Drops of blood have trickled down his face, little dots of scarlet like stowaways amongst his freckles, and his lip has been split. The locket shifts from beneath his top at the movement, and Hyunjin rubs a thumb across the metal. It’s warm where it’s been pressed against Felix’s skin. 

“I’m so glad you bought that for him,” Minho whispers. 

“Me too,” Hyunjin says. His voice cracks, and then he’s sobbing. 

“He’s okay,” Minho shushes him, and then he’s pulling Hyunjin towards him so he can curl against Minho’s body. One hand finds purchase in his hair, and the other curls tightly around his back, running slow, soothing stripes up and down his spine. Hyunjin can only weep against Minho’s neck; harsh choking sobs. He’s definitely getting all manner of tears and snot and spit on Minho’s hoodie, but a moment later, he feels wet tears hitting the crown of his head, and then Minho is shaking with his own cries. “You did such a good job, Jinnie, such a good hyung, such a good boyfriend-” 

“I was so scared,” Hyunjin sobs. “I was so scared I lost him.” 

“He’s here,” Minho promises. 

“We got him back,” Jisung’s voice is tremulous too, and he reaches a hand over Hyunjin’s body to cup Minho’s cheek. “We got him back.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t know how long he lays there, curled against Minho’s side, but it’s long enough that both of their tears subside, even if the sorrow doesn’t. 

“Chan-hyung,” Hyunjin rasps as he finally lifts his head. He and Jisung are holding hands across the center divider. In the rearview mirror, he can see that Chan’s eyes are red. 

“M’good,” Chan clearly lies. “I can’t break down yet. Gotta get us there safe.” 

“Hey, guys?” Jisung pops up. “We have a problem.” 

“How?” Chan laughs humorlessly. “How could we have another problem?” 

Jisung blinks up at him, then at the two conscious members in the backseat. He flips his phone in their direction. A text from Changbin with a tiktok link that Jisung clicks on. “Someone saw Felix get taken into a car. Tabloids are calling kidnapping.” 

Hyunjin laughs. It’s a sharp sound, a bit maniacal. Minho glances at him with slight wariness but keeps petting his hair regardless. 

“That’s not terrible,” Minho says. Jisung looks at him in shock, so Minho continues. “Bbokie cannot go back to the company like this. Not only has he clearly been physically hurt, but we have no idea how his mental state will be when he wakes up. On top of that, I think it’d be smart to get him out of Seoul for a bit. If the company thinks he got taken by a Sasaeng but that he was knocked out or something, there’s no fight to be made about giving him, and us, time to recuperate. We just get to say that he needs time off, and if Yun or Jung try to fight it, we escalate to JYP and don’t take no for an answer.” 

“Huh,” Jisung says. “That’s …” 

“That’s a good idea,” Chan says; there’s a desperate edge of relief in his voice. “Okay, Jisung, I need you to tell the others to pack bags for themselves and us, get a rental car, and wait for an address. Minho, can you look for a rental? Somewhere private, in the middle of nowhere. I don’t care about the cost, I don’t care how many bedrooms it has, we just need something –”

“I’m on it,” Minho says. 

“And me?” Hyunjin asks. Chan meets his eyes in the mirror. 

“Just stay close to him for me.” 

Hyunjin is too scared to hold Felix in any way, so he settles for pressing his body as close to his boyfriend’s as possible. 

“We’ve got you now,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.” 

---

Hyunjin wakes as the car is rolling to a stop. He winces at the dull pangs of pain in his arm and gently pushes himself upright – he’d clearly fallen asleep curled beside Felix if the ache in his hip and shoulders is any indication. 

“Where are we?” he asks Minho. 

“Near Gangwan-Do. We’ve got a rental, the others will be here soon.” 

Minho seems exhausted. So does Jisung as he rounds the car to help Chan figure out the door code. Hyunjin can’t see the place they’re staying very clearly – it’s pitch black out, and wherever they are seems incredibly remote – but he can make out wooden siding and a soft light glowing from a storybook window.

It doesn’t seem like Felix has moved an inch. He’s still curled on his side. At least it seems like the worst of the bleeding has stopped, but Hyunjin is eager to dress the wounds. Even more eager for Felix to wake up; he’s terrified to see how Felix will behave once conscious, anxious to experience firsthand the potential trauma awaiting the Angel, but he needs to see those huge brown eyes, that sunshine smile, a proof of life. 

“Do you want help carrying him?” Minho asks. 

“Can you just make sure his wings don’t trail?” Hyunjin scoops Felix into his arms. Despite his slim frame, he’s still dead weight, and Hyunjin ensures he has a secure hold as he walks through the front door. 

“Chan’s setting up the pullout couch,” Jisung nods through the front hall (also wood paneled, clearly going for a rustic cabin aesthetic) and Hyunjin carefully kicks of his shoes before heading in that direction. Chan is speaking in a low, desperate voice to someone on the phone, likely Changbin, but he’s converted the couch to a pullout and laid a sheet atop the mattress. 

“On his side,” Minho whispers. Hyunjin nods and gently rests Felix’s body on the edge of the bed. They splay his wings to the side. 

“ Oh my God. ”

Chan gets his first look at Felix and his entire face crumples. The hand that flies to his mouth does nothing to muffle the punched-out sob, and then he collapses at the side of the mattress. 

“Baby, what happened to you?” he asks the question softly despite the fact that Felix is not going to answer. He looks up at the rest of them. “He was gone for four hours – how did they do this to him?” 

Hyunjin sits on the mattress, instinctively reaching for his feathers but holding back at the last second. His wings are filthy with blood and dirt. It makes Hyunjin want to kill someone. 

To avoid snapping, he looks at the rest of Felix instead. “We should try to clean him. This shirt is clearly falling apart already, and I’m worried about his cuts getting infected.” 

“Let me get a first aid kit,” Minho jumps out of the room. Jisung takes his place. Tears stream down his eyes, and his whole body is shaking. 

“Wh-why did they d-do this to him,” he shudders. Hyunjin grabs his hand and rubs a thumb across his pulse point. “I-I’m fine, I just … I want to h-help him!” 

“Can you get some water and towels from the kitchen?” Hyunjin asks. Jisung shudders in relief at being given a task a scurries away. 

“Hyung,” Hyunjin turns to their leader. He’s staring at Felix like he’s the last thing separating Chan from hell. Chan ignores Hyunjin entirely. “Hyung, he’s okay, we’ve got him-”

“After they tortured him,” Chan says lowly. “Jinnie, they hurt his wings- ”

“I see that!” Hyunjin snaps. Chan looks away from Felix at the sharpness in his voice. “Fuck, hyung, I can see that too! And holy shit, I feel like I want to die knowing that we said we’d protect him only for him to end up like this , but if I think about that for one more second, I’m going to get in that car, drive right back to the warzone we just left, and kill someone.” 

Hyunjin is panting and breathless by the end of his rant. Chan just watches him with dark eyes. Hyunjin briefly wonders if Chan is about to yell at him, but all of the fight droops from their leader’s shoulder with a shaky exhale. 

“I … I’m so fucking angry, Jinnie.” 

“Good,” Hyunjin admits. “I don’t want to be the only one. But right now, Lixie needs us, and so do the other members.” 

Chan sighs and looks back to Felix. He gingerly brushes his sweaty, blood-crushed bangs away from his face. “They’re going to freak out when they see him.” 

“Yup,” Hyunjin agrees. 

“Found the first aid kit,” Minho rushes back in with a surprisingly large box in tow. Jisung arrives a moment later. 

When the front door opens and Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin enter, none of them say anything. What is there to say when Felix’s body tells it all? 

Jeongin takes one look at Felix’s unconscious, bloodied form, drops his bag to the ground, and says: “I’m gonna fucking kill them.” 

Changbin just sinks to his knees. His eyes are enormous and locked on Felix’s wings. 

Seungmin takes a shaky step forward, then another. His expression is unreadable as he scans Felix’s injuries, then notices the first aid kit and water. 

“Get his shirt off,” Seungmin finally says. “We need disinfectant, gauze, and bandages.” 

For a moment, no one moves, and Seungmin snaps with a choked sob. “Move! Do you want to help him or not!” 

The tanktop comes off easily; it seems like the only thing keeping attached to Felix’s body was the adhesive of sweat and blood. Without the covering, the extent of Felix’s bruising is stomach churning. Hyunjin’s suspicions seem to have been correct – someone clearly kicked Felix in the side multiple times. 

“We’ll have to ice that,” Minho says thinly, pinched and detached, the way he’d been when he’d described Felix’s maturation. 

They’re all so careful as the wipe away the blood, and soon enough, the bowl is dirty pink instead of clear. Jisung retrieves bowl after bowl, Changbin soon joining him to find more towels. They’ll certainly have to repay the rental for the amount of linens they’re using, but Hyunjin knows they’d all empty their bank accounts here and now if it meant seeing Felix smile again. 

“I-I don’t know how to clean the wings,” Seungmin admits. 

“Here,” Jeongin is there immediately. Hyunjin isn’t surprised – the maknae is Felix’s favorite feather groomer because he’s a bit rougher on the feathers than the rest of them. Jeongin swallows as he takes a water-soaked rag. Now that his rage has subsided, there’s only shattered pain shimmering in his eyes. He’s careful but intent, soaking each and every feather, massaging them until the blood comes out. Changbin soon joins him to clean the lower feathers. The wounds at the joints of his wings are brutal, eliciting a growl from someone-

“Jinnie, calm down,” Changbin whispers. Oh, he realizes, he was making the growling noise. 

“Do we put disinfectant on them?” Jisung asks. “WHat’s proper wing care?” 

“I think we should,” Hyunjin says. “They’re part of Felix’s body, anything he can use on his skin should be fine for his wings.” 

They dab the disinfectant on the wounds; doing so reveals the depth of the wounds, and triples the tension in the room. Hyunjin isn’t surprised to spot Chan looking even more murderous than before. 

Cleaning the rest of his body sends them all into silence as each member tends to a different area: Jisung ices one wrist, Changbin the other. Jeongin continues to clean the blood that has stained the bottoms of Felix’s wings, and Minho focuses on assessing the damage to his shoulder blakes. Seungmin is focused on the bruising on his side, and Chan is dabbing anxiously at the blood on his chest. 

Hyunjin ends up with Felix’s head in his lap. He’s gentle, featherlight and tender as he washes away the blood, as he rinses his hair back to blonde, as he dabs at his split lip. 

Just as he’s finished, just as his tears return – exhausted and relieved and grieving – Felix’s eyes flicker open, not a trace of gold in sight. 

“J-Jin?” he rasps. 

Everyone immediately freezes. Hyunjin’s breath stutters, and he raises a shaking hand to brush against that heart shaped freckle. 

“Hi, Baby,” Hyunjin whispers. Felix is barely aware, barely awake, and Hyunjin just continues to stroke his cheek. “You’re safe, sweetheart, go back to sleep.” 

Felix’s eyes slip closed with a soft sigh. 

“You’re safe,” Hyunjin promises him still. “I’ve got you.” 

No one bothers finding out what the bedroom situation is. They wearily change into pajamas, return to the living room, and crawl onto the other couches or floor mats they find in the storage closet. Hyunjin doesn’t bother looking for floor space and no one offers it; he just squeezes himself onto the two feet of spare mattress, curls forwards Felix, and strokes his hair. 

“He’s going to be confused, in pain, and scared when he wakes up,” Chan says in the dark. “We need to be prepared.”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say that we will do whatever it takes to help him,” Jisung says. 

The sleepy sounds of a agreement immediately follow. Hyunjin feels sleep claiming him – exhaustion and adrenaline and blistering relief. He shifts to press a kiss against Felix’s forehead. 

“Hear that, Lixie? We’ve got you.” 

And then he’s finally asleep. 

Notes:

OVERVIEW:
- Felix is taken by two hunters, the same hunters that were in the loft, and confirm that they'd been tracking him but didn't catch a 'trace' until the concert (it's very implied that his memories of his maturation are why the flare occurred)
- We also learn that the Hunters not only use Angel Blood for Houndswater, but also as a kind of drug; it feeds them, and it's implied that they're desperate for it now that they've got a taste
- Also hint at something called a 'Sanctus Bell'/'A bigger bell'
- Felix manages to press the button on his necklace
- Back in Seoul, Chan steals Yun's car keys and he, Minho, Hyunjin, and Jisung chase after him, made all the easier when Hyunjin get's the notification that he can track Felix
- Felix escapes the hunters because the 'Bureau'/apparent government agents arrive and the Hunters hide him in the van (so he's not seen). He's desperately trying to escape when one of the Bureau agent takes the bell and rings it
- Hyunjing + friends arrive, Hyunjin harms himself since he realizes his own injury was what broke Felix out of his bell-induced coma last time
- They get our boy!! They drive him to a rental house! All the members get there, big sad hours, but in an oddly fluffy way? They clean him up, our chapter ends, I ice my poor typing fingers and then cry a little.

 

OKAY I really hope this chapter lands. It's SO rough, it's SO intense, I LOVED writing it, but I can only hope y'all like reading it too.

Chapter 17: it's like us, shining brighter in the darkness

Summary:

Healing starts with golden eyes.

Notes:

you GUYS i cannot thank you enough for all of the comments, kudos, and hits on this piece!!

i know i've dragged you through the coals these past two chapters, so plz enjoy <3 <3 <3

Edited to add:
I created 2 playlists, both the one Hyunjin makes for Lix within this fic, and the playlist I made/have been adding to as I’ve written this story overall!
~feathers~
air beneath (my wings)

They wake up to what can only be described as hissing. 

“Oh, shit!” someone says. Hyunjin blinks into existence alone on the pullout couch, and for half a second, it’s like his heart has shattered. Then he sees Minho staring wide eyed over his shoulder and he turns. 

Felix is crouched in the far corner of the room, and he looks terrified. He is all glowing eyes and gritted teeth. He reminds Hyunjin of a frightened, feral cat between the hissing and the puffed feathers.  

“Bbokie, it’s okay,” Minho says softly. He takes a step forward and Felix flinches. 

Minho’s mouth falls open with a small, wounded oh. 

“His instincts are flaring,” Hyunjin says roughly. He wants to run to the corner and wrap Felix in a hug, but everything in Felix’s body language is screaming don’t touch me. 

“Give him space,” Chan says. “He’s scared.” 

“More like traumatized,” Jisung whispers. Chan shoots him a glare, but Jisung shrugs.

“Go unpack, everyone,” Chan says softly. The boys slowly drift from the room, watching Felix until he’s forced out of their eyesight. Felix tracks the movement with those golden eyes. “Us too, Jinnie,” Chan tells him as he appears at his side. 

“Should we leave him?” Hyunjin asks in protest. 

“Give him a second to get his bearings,” Chan says – stern and gentle at the same time. Hyunjin doesn’t bother trying to find a bedroom of his own and instead heads to one of the bathrooms. 

He looks every bit the wreck he feels. His hair spikes wildly from his head, and his eyes are bloodshot and sunken amongst dark shadows. He’s verging on pale, maybe a bit green, which is unsurprising given the way his stomach feels sour with anxiety. He glances at his phone and sees that they slept for maybe six hours (more sleep than he’s had in weeks), but it feels like he barely blinked his eyes. He brushes his teeth, splashes cold water on his face, and sighs. 

It’s not surprising that Felix is still in survival mode, though it is a shock to see his instincts at the wheel. Hyunjin can’t help but blame the forced repression of the instincts for their renewed strength. 

“Let me check that cut on your arm,” Chan says from the doorway. Hyunjin sighs and waves him in. Chan pulls back his sleeve and gently peels away the gauze. “This was pretty stupid, you know. What if you’d gone too deep and you needed to go to the hospital?” 

“Lix would have been okay,” Hyunjin says easily. “That’s all that matters.” 

“Not at the expense of you,” Chan eyes him seriously. “He would never have forgiven himself-” 

“At least he’d be alive,” Hyunjin cuts Chan off. “At least he’d be able to be guilty.” 

“You two,” Chan sighs as he replaces the gauze with a fresh bandage. He doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t really need to. “This is healing up okay, so I think–”

“Hyungs?” Jeongin calls from outside. “Where’s Lix?”

Hyunjin and Chan exchange one anxious glance before they’re running into the hallway. Jeongin points at the very empty corner.

“I came out to make tea. I was trying to be quiet but I was looking for the kettle, so maybe I scared him by rummaging through the cabinets?” Innie looks positively panicked. Hyunjin rubs his shoulder. 

“He can’t have gone far,” he says. 

That being said, there’s no sight of him in the living room. 

“What’s going on?” Minho asks, Jisung in tow. 

“We lost Lix,” Chan explains. 

“How!” 

“No clue,” Jeongin says. “I didn’t even hear him move!” 

“Let’s look,” Hyunjin says firmly. They spread throughout the house quickly, but it becomes apparent that Felix hasn’t just wandered to a different room. He’s hiding. They start checking in the closets, in the showers, and Hyunjin finds himself confirming again and again that the doors leading outside are still locked from the inside. 

“He’s somewhere in the house,” Changbin nods at the locked door. 

“But where?” Jisung huffs and picks at the skin on his nails. 

Hyunjin wanders into the last bedroom, checks the closet and even the ornamental trunk at the foot of the bed. 

“Where are you, Angel?” he whispers. He turns to leave when he notices that the rug beneath the bed is rumpled. He cocks his head and then drops the ground. 

“Oh, Lix-ah.” 

Felix is squeezed beneath the bed. Those golden eyes stare back, teeth bared. He’s absolutely trembling. 

“You’re gonna hurt your pretty wings, baby-” 

At the word pretty, Felix flinches. Hyunjin’s throat tightens against the urge to gag. 

“Okay, okay. I don’t know if you really hear me right now, but wouldn’t you be more comfortable laying on the bed instead of beneath it?” 

If Felix hears him, he gives no indication. Hyunjin takes a shaky breath. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna leave the door open, but I’ll tell everyone to stay out, okay? You’re safe with us, right?” 

At the word safe, he blinks. It’s a fluttering action, as if closing his eyes for even a second could put him at risk. Hyunjin tries to keep his face a mask of neutral kindness, even if the flinch makes him want to cry, and leaves on tip toe to find the others. 

“He’s under the bed in the back bedroom,” he tells them. There’s a collected exhalation. 

“What set him off?” Seungmin wonders. 

“Could have been anything or nothing,” Chan replies. “Shit, I wish we knew what happened to him. I’m scared we’re going to accidentally trigger him-”

“I called him pretty,” Hyunjin says. “Or I called his wings pretty. He flinched. It could have been a coincidence, but for now, I’d avoid it.” 

Changbin hangs his head and growls something that sounds like a threat. 

“It might be awhile until he can tell us,” Minho says, a bit of a threat of his own to the others. 

“Agreed,” Chan nods. “Until then, just keep an eye out.” 

“Are we just gonna leave him under the bed?” Jeongin asks; he does not sound pleased at the idea. 

“I don’t even think he realizes it’s us,” Hyunjin admits the thing that’s been gnawing at him. “I think our best bet is to leave him be, bring him food and water, and wait for him to realize that he’s not in a life-or-death situation anymore.” 

“I’m worried about his wings,” Seungmin says. “He shouldn’t be underneath a bed, he should be resting.” 

“And if we tried to force him out of there?” Jisung flips his hands in the air. “Listen, I don’t know shit about what happened to him back there, and I don’t have a lot of experience with acute PTSD, but I know panic. Even during my lightest panic attacks, I’m not thinking straight – and when it’s bad, I’m barely aware of what’s going on around me. Add on magical instincts? Felix is probably trapped in his head right now. If we tried to drag him out, he'd freak out and potentially hurt himself more in the process.”

Jisung is out of breath at the end of his explanation, but the group is nodding. 

“I think,” Chan says softly, “we should just be ourselves. Maybe a bit quieter, a bit less yelling if we can, but ourselves. He’s still him, at the end of the day. Hearing and eventually seeing us behave normally might help ground him again.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Hyunjin nods. “ Normal .”

“So…” Minho stands. “Anyone hungry?” 

After cooking, Minho brings the small bowl of rice, eggs, and soup to the bedroom on a tray. Hyunjin lingers at the doorway as Minho crouches to the ground at the foot of the bed. 

“Hey, Bbokie, I brought you some food and water. You should probably eat something, hmm?” 

There’s no answer, but Minho’s soft smile becomes a bit rigid. “Whatever you wanna do, that’s good for us, just try a bit? You need to regain your energy, Aegi. We’re all gonna be in the living room and the door will be open, so if you want to come eat with us or if you want something different, you just tell hyung, huh?”

Minho stands after the silence stretches, patting Hyunjin on the arm with tears in his eyes. Hyunjin enters and sits against the wall. 

“Lixie, remember the notebook I gave you on the balcony? Well, I brought it with me.” He takes the small journal out of his pocket and places it on the ground in the center of the room, then adds a pencil on top. “I know you don’t wanna talk right now, but if you want, you can write down what you’re thinking? Or at the very least you can read all of the stupid compliments I think of when I see you…” 

No response, but this time Hyunjin was prepared, so the disappointment doesn’t sting as much. 

“We’ll all be outside if you want to come hang out,” Hyunjin says, standing slowly. 

The day passes in a calm tinged with uneasiness. The members alternate watching movies and playing games. The house itself is, as Hyunjin had noticed, rustic themed, clearly meant to reflect the dense woods outside, but none of them even glance out the windows. Nobody wants to leave Felix, even if he doesn’t seem to want to be near them. 

Hyunjin stares forlornly at the bedroom door – ajar, as promised – but not once does Felix emerge. After a few hours, Jisung goes in, and Hyunjin can hear him talking in low, quiet voices about some anime they’ve both been hooked on. A bit later, Jeongin enters with his Switch in hand, and spends a good thirty minutes playing Animal Crossing like he and Felix used to do as trainees. 

Chan is the next one to attempt feeding Felix. When he emerges with that morning’s breakfast untouched, Minho looks a bit ill, then announces he’s going to try to make brownies. 

The one thing they don’t speak about is the group's urgent, unrequested hiatus. At one point, Chan steps outside to take a phone call. They can’t hear what he says, but he’s clearly yelling at whoever is on the other end of the line. When he returns, he doesn’t offer any insight to the conversation, nor to what he has told the company, only flops onto the couch and drags an unusually-willing Jeongin into a crushing hug. 

“Dinner, Hyunjin?” Changbin shakes him from his thoughts, hours later, with a nod towards the kitchen. 

“M’not super hungry,” he says, eyes not leaving the door. 

“You have to eat,” Changbin sighs. 

“He’s not,” Hyunjin nods at the door. “I’m too worried to eat.” 

“At least have some rice, or a bit of broth.” 

Hyunjin chokes down as much food as he can bear. As night approaches, he finds himself growing restless, and his antsiness only increases as, one by one, the members disappear into the bathrooms to get ready for bed. 

“Jin?” Chan asks. 

“I want to sleep with him,” Hyunjin says. “Literally, I don’t know if I can bear not being in the same room as him.” 

Chan purses his lips. “You’ve been advocating pretty hard for giving him space. What brought this on?”

Hyunjin feels his cheeks heat. “I don’t know. I just … I know he’d want me in the room with him.” 

When he lifts his gaze, he’s expecting pushback, maybe even a light scolding, but Chan is just smiling softly, the way that makes one of his dimples pop. “If there’s anyone I trust him with, it’s you; and you with him.” 

He leaves Hyunjin to get ready. Hyunjin knocks gently on the bedroom door, not expecting a response but wanting to alert Felix to his presence. He frowns at the dinner plate – untouched – but he thinks the glass of water might be a bit more empty than it was when Changbin carried it in earlier. 

“Hi, Lix,” he whispers. He drops down to a crouch. Felix is not longer hunched like he’s ready to pounce, claws digging into the lush rug, but curled onto one hip, his wings behind him towards the headboard. His eyes are still glowy, but they’re heavy-lidded with fatigue. Everything about his screams exhaustion and pain, and a shiver of discomfort racks his body. He looks so much like a frightened kitten that Hyunjin is half-tempted to get Minho; at least he doesn’t hiss this time. “I’m gonna sleep in here, okay? I’m not gonna get on the bed because I don’t want it to dip anymore, but I’ll be over here, yeah?” 

Felix doesn’t respond, but he does blink. Once, just once, but it’s slow. Hyunjin feels the first inkling of hope bubble up in his chest. He rises and takes two of the pillows for the bed as well as the comforter. He finds a fuzzy blanket in the closet and places it and another pillow underneath the bed – far enough away from Felix that he won’t get frightened, but near enough that he can grab it if he wants. Hyunjin settles him on the far end of the bed and lays on his side so he can watch Felix. 

He was so intent on studying his body language that he’d initially missed the disappearance of his notebook. It lays open near Felix’s hands. 

“You took it,” Hyunjin notices aloud. “I’m glad.” 

Felix blinks again. 

“Sleep well, Lix-ah,” Hyunjin says. 

---

When Hyunjin comes to, it’s not from noise but from cold. He’s bone-tired, confused and disoriented, and shivering. A fleeting glance at his phone lets him know it’s nearly 4:45 in the morning. 

And the space beneath the bed is empty. 

Hyunjin sits up like a rocket launching. “Felix?” 

The bedroom door is still ajar, but the window closest to the bed is flung wide open. Hyunjin scrambles to his feet and gasps when he looks outside. Felix stands in the small clearing next to the cabin, shirtless and wearing only the loose shorts they’d put him in after cleaning him up – no shoes, no jacket. His head is tilted back towards the sky; his wings still hang a bit limper than Hyunjin is used to, but more alive than they seemed yesterday. 

“Lix!” He hisses, but if Felix hears him, he ignores him. Hyunjin braces his hand on the window sill but it lands on paper – his open notebook, pencil atop a page at the very back. In the moonlight, Hyunjin makes out the message scrawled in English, with shaky jagged penmanship he doesn’t recognize: Need to fly. 

Hyunjin takes the notebook and pen, shoves them in the pocket of his sweatpants, and carefully hoists himself out the window. The ground beneath his feet is spongy, wet with the promise of morning dew, and the air is chilly, but it’s not unpleasant. The moon above is fat and the trees against the starry sky manage to feel ethereal rather than spooky; or maybe that’s just Felix’s influence – the silvery moonlight illuminates his feathers, and Hyunjin swears his freckles are almost glowing where they smatter across his bruising shoulders. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin says in a whisper; even that quiet volume seems too loud as it breaks the tranquil silence. Felix jolts and whips around, his chest rising and falling in rapid spasms. “It’s just me, I saw your note.” 

Felix looks back up at the sky as if it will disappear before he can touch it. 

“Just wanted to watch you fly,” Hyunjin promises. “I’m not going to stop you.” 

Felix blinks golden eyes in Hyunjin’s direction and then turns back to continue his stare off with cosmos. 

“So long as you’re sure you’re okay to fly?” Hyunjin asks quietly. The wings are still scabbed with blood, the skin at their joins a dark purple stain. 

In response, Felix’s wings snap open. 

“Just be careful,” Hyunjin tells him. “I’ll wait for you.” 

And then Felix is gone with a rush of air so strong that it knows Hyunjin back a couple of steps. He watches open mouthed as Felix spirals up, then repositions himself so that the moon is captured at the center of Felix’s orbit. 

He sinks to the ground, paying no mind to the dew, takes out the notebook, and sketches. 

Half an hour passes with Felix carving across the brightening sky and Hyunjin filling page after page with sketches. Dawn must be about to break when he hears footsteps behind him. A moment later, Jisung joins him. 

“Should he be flying?” he asks sleepily. 

“It’s the first sign of life I’ve seen from his wings,” Hyunjin says. “It’s the first time since Paris that he’s voluntarily moved them.” 

“I guess he knows better than we do,” Jisung yawns. He leans back on his elbows, eyes skyward.

“You were talking about the panic attacks,” Hyunjin begins slowly. “What … what helps after you have one?” 

Jisung purses his lips right to left as he thinks. “Sometimes it just depends on why I’m having a panic attack. If there’s a reason – like a concert I’m nervous about, or if I think I fucked up in the recording booth – I just have to get through as best I can. But if it comes out of nowhere? It just helps to be around people, but not be expected to be okay. Hiding a panic attack takes it all inward. ”

Hyunjin looks away from the sky. “Inward?” 

Jisung opens a palm and then clenches it into a fist. “With panic and fear and anxiety, your emotions are going haywire, right? And then your body follows suit – hyperventilating, shaking, throwing up, fainting: all of that. When you try to hide it,  all of that energy and adrenaline and fight-or-flight bullshit kind of … festers?” 

“You make it sound like a flesh eating disease,” Hyunjin says. “Or a rot.” 

“It kind of is, I think,” Jisung shrugs. “You can’t hold that type of fear in or you’ll crumble.” 

Hyunjin looks back up at the sky. Felix is so, so high in the air, his wings peachy-orange in the just-rising sun that only he can see. 

“I’m glad he’s flying, then,” Hyunjin says. “Maybe that’ll help him burn off some of the fear. I don’t think he ever left the bed yesterday, and he really needs to eat something today. Maybe now, he’ll be a bit more clear headed.”

Jisung nods. “I hope so.” 

One by one, the other boys join them. Seungmin and Minho seem equal parts horrified and relieved to see Felix flying; Chan and Changbin just seem terrified, and Jeongin can’t help but tease them a bit. The day feels lighter already, or maybe it’s just the effect of seeing Felix fly. 

“He needs to eat today,” Minho says. “I’m going to start on breakfast. Changbin, Jisung, help me.” 

“How long has he been flying?” Chan asks. 

“An hour now,” Hyunjin admits. Chan’s jaw tightens. “I don’t know how to get him down. He left a note, so he clearly knows that we’d worry if he was gone, but when I found him this morning he still wouldn’t speak, and he seemed scared I would stop him.” 

“He’s still injured,” Chan shakes his head, raising a hand to forehead as he squints at Felix. “I’m not sure how much his instinct can protect him from making those injuries worse.”

As if sensing Chan’s distress, Felix’s altitude decreases as he loops down towards the ground. He lands a few meters away, gentle as a bird, but his face remains tilted towards the sky. 

“Hey, Bbokie!” Minho calls from the open kitchen window. Felix’s head twitches in that direction. His eyes are still glowing, though it’s not as noticeable in the sunlight. “Come eat breakfast for hyung!” 

Hyunjin stares at Felix like he can read his mind with enough effort. Felix is frozen, even at this distance his pulse is jumping in his throat. 

“We’re making pancakes!” Jisung adds. 

Still nothing.

“Let’s go, kids,” Chan says meaningfully. They all stand, Hyunjin the last to do so, and walk more slowly than normal back towards the cabin. Hyunjin takes a deep breath, hoping; when he turns, he sees that Felix, despite his obvious tension, is actually following. 

When Hyunjin enters the kitchen, he catches the tail end of what is clearly a lecture from Jisung. 

“-and just act like you normally would, remember?” 

“Smells good!” Hyunjin interrupts; if Felix is listening, he doesn’t want him to think they’re talking behind his back. 

“Not as good at Bbokie’s, but better than what any of the rest of you could make,” Minho snorts. “How many do you want, Jinnie?” 

“Three?” Hyunjin guesses. His lack of food yesterday is making itself known this morning. 

“And you, Yongbok-ah?” Minho asks Felix. Felix flinches at the attention; he’s in the doorway, but only just. Now that he’s done flying, his wings have returned to their previously-limp state, and his arms are wrapped tightly around his middle. At his silence, Minho shrugs. “We can start with one and you can have more if you want.” 

The members have to drag chairs from the living room in order to fit around the small dining room – the house is clearly meant to host half their number – but it’s more cozy than it is crowded. Chan queues up some music from the living room and leads a wayward Felix with a wave towards the chair next to Hyunjin. Felix frowns at the seat and looks anxiously behind him. 

“Do you want that chair instead?” Changbin asks, pointing to the chair on the opposite side of the table. It would put his back to the wall rather than to the door. Felix trembles regardless. 

“It’s actually kind of cramped here,” Jisung complains. “I’m gonna sit outside to eat.” 

“Aw, that’s a good idea, Hannie,” Minho catches on immediately. The members quickly gather their plates and drift to the front porch, some perching on the patio furniture, others simply sitting on the edge of the deck, their feet dangling off. Felix, unsurprisingly, sits on the ground at the edge of it all; Hyunjin can’t help but feel that he’s choosing the location it would be easiest to escape from, and the thought makes his next bite of pancake taste a bit like sawdust. 

Minho gives Felix a single pancake and a small bowl of syrup. He sits near him with a similar plate, then makes a bit of a show of tearing the pancake up with his hands and dipping it in the syrup. It’s smart – Felix’s wrists are bruised and his fingers are scraped, and Hyunjin can’t imagine silverware would be the easiest to utilize. Jisung elbows him lightly in the side. 

“Be normal,” he whispers. 

Right, normal probably doesn’t include watching Felix’s every movement. Instead, he settles nearby so Felix is in his line of sight. It allows him to catch the shaky moment that Felix tears off the smallest piece of pancake possible, dips it into the syrup, and pops it in his mouth. 

He hopes Felix doesn’t realize that just that one bite has brought tears to Minho’s eyes; that wouldn’t be very normal. 

---

The day passes similarly to the day before in terms of activities. The members congregate in the living room and don’t really leave. There are more movies and TV shows, video games that end in bickering more often than they end in victory. Felix hovers at the edge of it all in one of the armchairs nearest to the door; he perches on the edge of his seat rather than curling up, but at least he’s there, even if his eyes just keep glowing. 

It’s all going well until Chan decides to make them lunch. He opens the silverware drawer a little too hard, and suddenly Felix is on his feet. 

“Whoa!” Jeongin gasps; Felix barrels past him and all but leaps behind a chair in the corner, only the top strands of his hair visible and trembling. There’s another clang of silverware, and Felix keens – high pitched and stifled, but nauseating all the same. Hyunjin leans until he can see Felix’s face, unsurprised when it’s twisted in fear.  

“Chan-hyung, stop!” Minho shouts. Chan freezes. Felix is still whimpering, still breathing way too hard, but his saucer-wide stare flickers a bit. 

“You’re okay,” Hyunjin whispers, immediately dropping beside him even though Felix curls further into the corner in the presence of another person. He wants so desperately to pet his wings, the way he’s done so many times when Felix’s instincts acted up, but he thinks even the lightest of touches to any feather might send Felix over the edge. “It’s okay, did the sound scare you? It was just hyung making lunch, that’s all.” 

Felix slowly stops trembling, but he makes no moves to leave his hiding spot. 

“Ji, why don’t you go ahead and put on one of the movies you and Yongbok like to watch,” Changbin suggests gently. Jisung nods and queues up the first thing that catches his eye, Tangled. 

Felix doesn’t move from behind the chair; after twenty minutes, he sinks fully to the ground rather than crouching, and his heavy, anxious breaths turn into weary pants. Hyunjin shifts sideways to make sure he’s not blocking Felix in, but he doesn’t move back to the couch – instead, he settles next to Jeongin on the floor; normal, Jisung said. 

Eventually, Felix falls asleep. They don’t wake him for lunch. They just let him sleep. 

---

“When do you think he’ll come back,” Jeongin asks Hyunjin. They’re both in the kitchen making tea while Tangled bleeds into Frozen. Felix is still very much asleep, curled on his side like a cat, but every muscle tense even in unconsciousness. 

“I’m not sure,” Hyunjin admits. “I was hoping that after flying it might happen, but …”

“But clearly not,” Jeongin sighs. 

“I think it’ll be tomorrow at the latest,” Seungmin pipes up. Jeongin and Hyunjin look at him questioningly. “He’s coming back in little ways – he ate his pancake with syrup, he was surprisingly into watching you and Changbin play Mario Kart, and I think he was actually paying attention to the movies after breakfast.”

“Maybe we should go outside again,” Jeongin suggests. “Being outside seemed good for him – obviously with the flying, but also for breakfast.” 

“We could do s’mores,” Hyunjin smiles softly at his mug of tea. “Felix loves sweet things.” 

“Oh yeah, I saw fresh firewood outside,” Seungmin nods. “Hey Chan-hyung?” 

And that is how, a few hours later with the moon slowly rising into the inky blue skin, the boys end up in Adirondack chairs around a crackling fire. They eat ramyeon and break out beers and it would be a great night, if it weren’t for the yawning absence of Felix’s laughter. 

They didn’t lure him out so much as they wandered outside and Felix eventually followed. Minho had tried to wrap him in a hoodie, but Felix had jumped so badly at the contact that no one dared to try again. As it is, Felix sits stiffly, knees tucked up to his bare chest but hands clenched around the armrests of the chair as if he’s about to make a run for it. His eyes are so golden in the darkness, and they’re locked on the fire. He doesn’t accept any food, but Hyunjin likes to hope he’s not imagining the flaring of his nostrils when they start roasting the marshmallows. 

When he’s better, we’ll do this again, Hyunjin tells himself. It’s the only thing that keeps away the hungry, churning guilt in his chest. 

If Jisung’s recommendation was normalcy, there’s nothing more normal than this. Conversation flies across the circle like moths to constantly-moving flames, equal parts genuine discussion, stupid jokes, and taunting. Much like in Jeju, Hyunjin is in awe of how easy it is when it’s the eight of them, how he would be able to do anything and everything if it meant coming back to this. 

Chan had found an acoustic guitar in one of the bedrooms and it doesn’t take long for them to start a giggly sing along. It’s fun, and it’s easy, and it’s so familiar. Eventually, Chan begins to strum the guitar idly, chuckles from the last song tittering through the air like fireflies. Felix is watching Chan’s hands, his arms hugging his knees, his wings alert but soft as the wind hits them. Chan is watching him back. 

Felix’s posture is defensive, but his expression is not – there’s no smile in sight, still, but his big golden eyes are closer to curious than scared. Chan bites his lip, repositions his hands on the neck of the instrument, and strums with a bit more fervor. Hyunjin’s head raises in recognition just as Chan starts to sing. 

“ Look at the stars, look how they shine for you… and all the things you do …” 

Jeongin perks up, and sings the next line along with Chan. “ And they were all yellow.” 

Hyunjin immediately looks to Felix. He swears Felix has stopped breathing. Jeongin wraps an arm around Seungmin to pull him into the sing along. 

“ I came along, I wrote a song for you. And all the things you do. And it was called ‘Yellow’.” 

“ So then I took my turn, oh what a thing to have done. And it was all yellow.” 

Chan strums a bit more strongly, the sound of the strings blooming in the night air. Hyunjin wonders when exactly they all learned the song, and then he realizes it’s simply proximity to Felix and the playlist that has led to the memorization. He blinks away tears, but lets the small smile spread across his face. When they hit the chorus, all the members sing. 

“ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. And you know, you know I love you so.” 

Hyunjin turns fully to Felix, feels all the members' eyes land on him as well. Felix blinks, not in surprise but almost as if he’s awakening from a daydream. His gaze drifts towards Hyunjin when the final line of the chorus hits. “ You know I love you so.” 

Chan plays through the next verse; at this point, they’re all singing together. “ I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh, what a thing to do. 'Cause you were all yellow. ”

“ I drew a line, I drew a line for you. Oh, what a thing to do. And it was all yellow. ”

“ And your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. And you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry. For you, I'd bleed myself dry. ”

Felix’s hands slip from his knees and find purchase atop his feathers. Hyunjin aches to touch him, to hold him, anything, but he settles for watching as Felix’s eyes move from member to member, face to face, as they transition to the bridge, the members easily harmonizing and biting back watery smiles. 

“ Look how they shine for you. 

Look how they shine for you.

Look how they shine for you.

Look how they shine for you.

Look how they shine for you.” 

Hyunjin opens his mouth, taking a beat of a breath and Chan slows his strumming, softer for the outro. But when they sing again, there’s an ocean deep voice singing with them. 

“Look at the stars, ” Felix sings softly. “ Look how they shine for you. ”

Hyunjin stifles his gasp. He’s not the only one. At the very last line, Felix’s eyes finally find his; they’re sparkling with tears, and more importantly, they’re fading from gold to brown.  

“ And all the things you do, ” they end, Felix’s voice the quietest by far, but someone the clearest. 

Chan gently places the guitar on the ground. No one speaks, just stares with bated breath at Felix. His knees unfurl from his chest, his wings relax, and he blinks more of the gold away, though his gaze never leaves Hyunjin’s. 

“Jinnie?” he whispers. His eyes are filling with tears, flitting to each member. 

“Hey, Lixie,” Hyunjin whispers back. “How you doing?” 

Felix shakes his head – not a no , but a what’s even going on – and raises a shaking hand to his back to touch the wings. Immediately, the feathers preen and flutter to life, the first sign of activity from the wings since Paris besides his flight. Someone releases a choked sob – Seungmin, Hyunjin realizes. 

“You came to get me?” Felix whimpers. Hyunjin takes his hands carefully, but Felix doesn’t pull back from the touch. He makes a wet choked sound, something between a laugh and cry. “You got me out?” 

“Of course,” Hyunjin answers with a smile. “Every time, Sweetheart, every time .” 

Felix laughs. And then his face crumples as he breaks into heart wrenching sobs. Hyunjin doesn’t waste a minute – he pulls Felix into his arms and lets him fall apart. Felix cries like the world almost ended, like the sun went out, like he saw Hell with his own eyes and clawed his way back, and Hyunjin just lets him. It takes mere seconds for the others to join them, arms reaching and hands clasping and a chorus of sniffling. 

It takes Felix a long time to run out of tears, and even longer until his sniffles subside. None of the members pull away until Felix shifts from his spot at the center of the hug, and even then they don’t return to their seats but merely crouch nearby. Felix scrubs at his eyes, wincing when his hand brushes his split lip. 

“Was getting worried we wouldn’t hear your voice again,” Changbin says, both soft and teasing. 

“C-couldn’t figure out how to speak,” Felix stutters. “Everything was … it was all too much.” 

“That makes sense,” Jisung nods, his hand cupped over Felix’s knee. “You were scared.” 

“Changbin-hyung, you should take a leaf out of Lixie’s book,” Seungmin teases. “You talk enough for all of us as it is.” 

“Yah!” Changbin feigns quiet affront, but he’s beaming when Felix giggles. 

“How do you feel?” Chan asks softly. The giggling smile vanishes, and Chan quickly adds. “You don’t have to talk about anything, I just want to know if you need painkillers or if we could bandage you in a way that would make you feel better.” 

“My shoulders hurt,” Felix admits, eyes trained to the ground. “My wings hurt even worse. My side. My- fuck, everything hurts.” 

“Let’s get inside and get you some ibuprofen,” he decides. Felix rises shakily to his feet and Minho immediately sweeps him up in his arms. 

“Let hyung carry you,” Minho says; he’s clearly going for a joke, but his voice and subtle trembling gives him away. Felix blinks up at him and presses his face into Minho’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, hyung.” 

Minho stops moving, lifts him a bit higher, and hugs him back. 

Chan grabs a bottle of painkillers and a tall glass of water. Minho deposits Felix on the comfiest couch in the living room before sitting on his right; everyone wordlessly leaves the space on Felix’s left open for Hyunjin, and when he sits, Felix tangles their legs and fingers together; his movements are careful, a bit shaky, but he still seeks the comfort. 

“Thanks, hyung,” Felix says, taking the pills. 

“Do you want a heating pad?” Seungmin asks. “Or ice for your bruises?” 

“What bruises?” Felix asks, but as he sits up, he winces. He tugs his shirt up and freezes when he sees the bruising. 

“You don’t have to look, baby,” Hyunjin says softly. Felix nods and drops the fabric, his eyes already taking on that glassy quality again.  

“Do you remember a lot from the past two days?” Chan is quick to distract him from his injuries, though Felix does accept the bag of ice Seungmin gives him and presses it against his ribs. 

“Kind of,” Felix answers after a long stretch of silence. “I remember what I was feeling. I remember waking up; I remember being terrified. I don’t remember anything about my body, though. Like … everything hurts right now, but I don’t remember being in pain since … since …” 

“What can we do to help right now?” Jisung saves Felix from having to answer. Felix blinks away tears and then bites down on his lower lip. 

“I think I just want to go to bed. I’m … I’m tired.”

Jisung smiles sadly and squeezes his hand lightly, which only causes Felix to notice his bruised knuckles. As the Kids all drift away to get ready for bed, Felix wordlessly follows Hyunjin to their room. 

“Can I ask you a favor?” he asks quietly. 

“Anything,” Hyunjin promises. Felix is a bit red. 

“I feel, like, really gross and I want to shower,” he says. Hyunjin sits on the edge of the bed and cocks his head. 

“Is there a favor in there?” He teases lightly. 

“I …” Felix chews at his lower lip. “Would you maybe … would you stay in the bathroom with me?” 

It comes out in a rush of words. Hyunjin can’t stop his brows from raising and Felix shakes his head with a small groan. 

“Not, like, shower with me, it’s just … I feel so stupid, but the idea of being in there alone, being in that tight of a space, makes me feel like I’m going to throw up.” 

“Oh, baby,” Hyunjin takes Felix’s hands and rubs his thumbs gently across his knuckles. “That’s not stupid at all. Yeah, of course, I can just hang out with you. We can even leave the door open if you want, I’ll just tell the others not to come in.” 

“Really?” Felix is still pink, but he also looks desperately hopeful. 

“Yeah, of course, let me go tell them and you get what you need to shower!” Hyunjin jumps up and rushes over to Chan, who is fiddling with his phone in the bedroom he and Changbin are sharing. 

“Hey hyung, Lix wants to shower but he’s feeling claustrophobic and I think scared at the idea of being alone. I’m going to sit in the bathroom with him, but we’re also going to leave the door open. Can you make sure no one comes in?” 

“Of course,” Chan nods. “He’s doing okay still?” 

“I … I think so? He’s skittish, quiet, but he’s talking,” Hyunjin exhales. Chan tugs him into a quick hug. “I think I’d kill someone to see him smile.” 

“He has that effect on people, doesn’t he?” Chan smiles. “Go ahead, I’ll tell the others to stay away from the bathroom.” 

When he returns to the bedroom, Felix is standing ram-rod straight, a towel draped over one arm and a bundle of those same angel-kitten pajamas bunched in the other. “Who packed for me?” 

“Given the PJs, I’m guessing Binnie-hyung,” Hyunjin snorts. “Do you have shower stuff?” 

“Seems like it,” Felix nods at the large toiletry bag. “I’m guessing Innie for that one.” 

It’s so close to a joke that Hyunjin could cry. 

“You ready?” he asks. Felix nods, but his expression tells a different story. Hyunjin decides to take the lead, entering the bathroom first. It’s spacious, a walk-in shower instead of a tiny stall, but it’s still cramped. “Oh, they have shower steamers, do you want one? Lavender or spearmint.” 

Felix blinks at the shower bombs Hyunjin offers. A small, shy smile twitches at his lips, and he says. “Both.” 

He lets Hyunjin turn on the shower for him, let’s Hyunjin pull hair and body products from the toiletry bag, let’s Hyunjin lay out his pajamas and hang the towel. It feels so oddly reverent to be allowed to care for Felix – the member who is so quick to deny help; it also feels undeniably intimate. 

“Want me to turn around?” Hyunjin asks. Felix nods shyly, and Hyunjin turns to stare at the potted fern in the corner of the room. He hears the rustling of fabric as Felix undresses, and given the way his shadow falls, he can tell that Felix is avoiding looking at himself in the mirror.  The shower curtain pulls aside with a whisper as Felix steps in.

“Ouch,” He hisses. Hyunjin fights the urge to turn around, but his voice is tight with stress.  

“Are you okay?” 

“Just stings,” Felix grits out. “The water on my … on my wings.” 

“Oh,” Hyunjin says. He listens to Felix’s controlled breathing and little grunts of pain, but eventually the sounds diminish. The bathroom is quickly filled with the scent of lavender and spearmint and the tinges of Felix’s conditioner. 

“Hey, Hyune?” Felix asks. 

“Yeah, Angel-”

“Don’t-” Felix snaps, then inhales in shock. “S-sorry.”

“Don’t what?” Hyujin asks. He sees that the shower curtain is pulled shut, but he can see Felix’s silhouetted shadow through the white material; his head is hanging. 

“Sorry,” Felix repeats shakily. “I … they called me that. Angel. It just … startled me.” 

Hyunjin’s nails dig into his palms. He cannot lose his cool, not while Felix is still so fragile. 

“The Hunters did?” Hyunjin forces himself to ask the question calmly. Shadow-Felix nods his head. 

“But not the way you say it,” he amends. “They said it … they said it like it was dirty.” 

Hyunjin selfishly wishes Minho or Chan were also here. He’s so blinded with rage that he’s worried he’s going to combust. 

“They’re wrong,” Hyunjin says. “They’re wrong and I’ll kill them-”

“They’re already dead,” Felix cuts him off. He sounds neither happy nor sad about it. “I saw it happen.” 

“Oh,” Hyunjin’s anger vanishes. Immediately he thinks of the car crash, of Felix’s reaction to seeing the other driver’s dead body. “Are you-”

“Do we have to talk about it?” Felix chokes. 

“Of course not,” Hyunjin says. “No, we don’t have to talk about it. I mean, at some point-”

“I know,” Felix sounds so small, so resigned; he doesn’t remember Felix ever sounding like that. Hyunjin can tell he’s fighting tears. “I just … not yet?”

“You could always write it down,” Hyunjin suggests. He reaches a hand through the small gap in the shower curtain, watches the shadow of Felix crouch down and immediately feels wet, soapy fingers grasp his own. “I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but not wanting to relive what you went through? That’s more than understandable. Writing it might be easier. You can take it at your own pace.” 

“My Pace?” Felix chuckles wetly, sniffling. Hyunjin laughs. 

“Exactly.” 

“Maybe I will,” Felix sighs. 

He shifts from crouching to sitting; Hyunjin feels the way his fingers twist to reposition their handhold. Hyunjin stretches his arm and his sleeve falls back, revealing the bandage. 

Felix yanks the shower curtain to the side. He’s only visible from the chest up, and his eyes are narrowed in on Hyunjin’s wrist. 

“What happened?” 

His eyes go hazy-gold. 

“I’m safe and fine,” Hyunjin promises. Felix blinks the glow away but it returns in little circles, like ripples in a pond. 

“You got hurt,” Felix hisses. “How?” 

Shit, he really wishes Chan or Minho (or both of them, actually) were here. 

“Don’t lie,” Felix whispers. 

Hyunjin sighs. “Are you done showering?” 

Felix puffs up – it’s the first sign of emotion other than bitter, terrible fear, deep sadness, or witheld numbness; the fact that it’s anger isn’t ideal, but still, it feels like progress. “Hyunjin, you need to-” 

“I just would rather tell you when you’re not soaking wet, yeah?” Hyunjin says softly. Felix deflates, glancing up at the showerhead like he’d forgotten where he was. 

“Okay, yeah. That’s fair.” 

He rinses quickly and dries just as fast. Hyunjin barely convinces him to towel dry his hair before they head back to the bedroom. 

“Tell me what happened,” Felix asks. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d remember,” Hyunjin says. Felix’s eyes widen with recognition. 

“It was after the bell I’m guessing?” 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin swallows. “You … you were frozen, and I knew that you were going to start walking towards it any second – your eyes were all glowy – and I wanted to run and grab you, but-”

“Jinnie, there were guns !” Felix gasps. “You would have been shot.” 

“Yeah, that became clear,” Hyunjin admits. “So, I thought back to when we were at the loft. The only thing that broke you out of the, um, spell was when you thought I was going to be hurt.” 

Felix’s wide eyes go somehow wider. They fall to Hyunjins arm, and he traces the bandage with shaking fingers. Hyunjin sees the moment it clicks into place, the moment Felix’s eyes fill with tears and his already-jutted lower lip starts to tremble. 

“You didn’t,” Felix whispers. 

“I knew I wouldn’t die,” Hyunjin tells him. “But I also knew it wouldn't be enough to just get a little hurt. You needed to actually think I was in some amount of danger. And Minho-hyung had a knife-” 

“Why!” Felix yells. He scrambles to his feet and stands between Hyunjin and the door – Hyunjin can’t tell if it’s because he wants to be able to flee if needed, or if he wants to prevent Hyunjin from doing so. “Hyunjin, you couldn’t know you wouldn’t die! You - you could have been seriously injured in the middle of nowhere!” 

“Baby,” Hyunjin rises slowly, arms out and palms up, “it’s okay, calm down-”

“No!” Felix’s voice rises in pitch. Distantly he hears a bedroom door open, but no one enters. “No, because you were hurt-”

“So were you!” Hyunjin says. 

“That doesn’t matter!” Felix answers. Then he claps his hands over his mouth. Hyunjin chokes on a sob he didn’t realize was building. “I don’t - I mean-” 

“Felix,” Hyunjin says. “Your pain is just as paramount as mine. Your life matters just as much as mine. You … you know that, right?” 

Felix’s gaze falls to the floor. “It doesn’t feel like that to me,” he whispers. 

“Lix,” Hyunjin sighs. When he takes another step forward, Felix reciprocates, his thumbs brushing across the edge of the bandage. “Lixie, Sweetheart, look at me.” 

Felix raises his head. Hyunjin runs his hands along Felix’s arms. 

“I know you want to protect me and the others – Angel or not, it’s who you are, and that’s amazing. But you need to know that as much as you want to protect me, I want to protect you. As much as you would be willing to give your life up for me, I’d do it for you in a heartbeat. Less than a heartbeat. I mean shit, Lix, I’m in-”

Hyunjin freezes before his tongue can curl around the next word. Felix sucks in a breath, searching Hyunjin’s face with an expression of awe, of pleading, of desperation. 

“Hyune,” Felix whispers. He lifts his hand and traces his thumb against Hyunjin’s jaw, taps at his mole. Hyunjin opens his eyes, and even after being kidnapped and tortured and scared within a literal inch of his life, Felix is so beautiful: all shiny eyes and freckled skin.

“Hyune,” Felix repeats. He doesn’t need to say What? Or Tell me? Hyunjin catches Felix’s wrist so gently, featherlight, and pulls it knuckle-first to his lips. He presses the softest kiss there. 

“I’m in love with you,” Hyunjin says quietly. “I was in love with you when the Hunters came, and a month before that – and years before that – and I’m in love with you now.” 

Felix’s tears spill as his smile cracks with a wet, uninhibited giggle. Hyunjin’s smile cracks as well. I did that! Hyunjin wants to scream. I made that smile happen! 

“I’m in love with you too,” Felix says. “God, Hyunjin, I’ve been so in love with you for so long.” 

“So just know,” Hyunjin tells him, “that I will always do whatever I can to protect you – a cut on my arm for your life? It’s not even a choice.” 

Felix purses his lips, but his eyes are sparkly. 

“Okay,” he says. “I can live with that.” 

They fall into bed. There are no kisses shared, no sudden movements, just the two of them curled towards each other, hands and feet tangled, as they share the same warmth, the same darkness of night, the same air.  

“Hey, Hyune?” Felix whispers. 

“Yeah, Sweetheart?” 

“You can call me Angel again,” Felix says. 

Hyunjin sits up a tiny bit. “Are you sure?” 

“Say it,” Felix says. 

“Okay, Angel,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Mmm,” Felix smiles sleepily. 

“Hey Angel?” 

“Yeah, Hyune?” 

“I love you.” 

Felix scooches even closer until their noses brush. “I love you too.” 

Next to them, Felix’s phone buzzes. He squints at the screen and then laughs before showing it to Hyunjin. “From Ji.” 

Was that the L word I heard??????

“Go to bed, nosy!” Hyunjin calls. 

Jisung cackles all the way down the hall. 

Notes:

and that's this chapter! i know it wasn't much capital-p Plot, but i hope that's not too disappointing given the (necessary) comfort. next update likely on Thursday as per usual with more of the same <3

Chapter 18: cause I'm right here waiting for us

Summary:

Healing sure feels a whole lot like love.
(Felix comes back to the members in bits in pieces)

Notes:

I'm back back back again ! with COMFORT !
the fact that this fic has almost 20,000 hits and 500 comments (albeit 250ish are me responding!) is actually insane, you are all so amazing. I'm not ~ thrilled ~ with this chapter and I beg of you to suspend your disbelief for me <3

Also! I did a thing ... I've been building a playlist that I've listened to as I've written this piece, and I also made the playlist I imagined Hyunjin creating for Felix!

 

air beneath (my wings) playlist

 

~feathers~

 

truly, y'all's comments absolutely astound me; they're so kind, thoughtful, and often times fucking hilarious. I'm so glad y'all love Jisung in this (and to the commenter who said 'we are Jisung in this fic' – I could not agree more!)

Felix has come back to the others in bits and pieces; now, if he focuses, he can remember moments through the fog – soft hands on his forehead, quiet voices in a dark room, the sound of video games, movie dialogue, familiar laughter, wind in his feathers and moonlight on his skin – but they’re few and far between. 

Few and far between the stretches of golden-rimmed fear. That was all that existed for two days – pulsing gold and pure, raw panic. He's never been so sore, and it takes him a few hours of sitting up, back in his own body, to realize it’s the consequence of sheer adrenaline pulsing through his veins for twenty-four hours straight. 

He hasn’t asked what he was like during those stretches, but at one point Changbin mentions bringing him food underneath the bed, so he figures he wasn’t exactly responsive. 

No one, either, has asked him what happened, but Felix knows that conversation will be had at some point. If not only to figure out logistics (he has no clue why they’re in a rental property hours away from Seoul when they should be preparing for more touring and at least one award show), then to tell them what he learned about the Hunters, the Bureau, and the Sanctus bell. 

But everytime he even thinks about speaking, his throat closes up and he has to spend several minutes trying to remember how to breathe. 

So, while Hyunjin sleeps the next morning (and after Felix shamelessly spends half an hour just watching him sleep), he takes the notebook and a hot cup of cocoa to the patio, hobbling all the way. 

The forest is just waking up – morning birdsong floats through the air, and the leaves dappled sunlight on the ground like golden shells. It’s just shy of warm in a way that makes his hoodie feel all the cozier. His wings preen where the sun hits them, but the feathers are twitchy with anxiety, just like him.

“I can do this,” Felix tells himself. He places the pen at the top of a blank page, and starts to write.

I woke up with a bag on my head and a metal clamp in my wings. It smelled like blood… 

It takes him two hours. At one point, Chan popped his head out to check on him and upon spotting the tears on his cheeks and the pen in his hand, wordlessly got him a second mug of hot chocolate. When he finally finishes, he closes the book, tilts his head back towards the sun, and presses two fingers to his throat. 

I’m safe, he reminds himself. 

But for how long? 

Stop, Felix mentally chides the voice. Please, just … stop. 

Because Felix might not be in fight-or-flight anymore, but he can’t pretend that he’s not running with high-grade anxiety in his body twenty-four seven. Last night, he seemed to wake hourly whimpering against the tug of a chain that never occurred. At one point, he’s pretty sure he was screaming. Every single time, Hyunjin pulled him against his chest and let him cry, whispering endless promises of safety – his hold never tight or enclosing as it might have been a week ago – until Felix would drift back to sleep. 

He’s exhausted, though he’s happy. He’s terrified, but relieved. 

It’s a lot. 

When Felix reenters the house, everyone is up (though Jeongin looks like he could fall back asleep at any minute), and they all watch him with horribly masked concern. Felix walks straight to Chan, tears out five pages of the notebook paper, and slides them across the kitchen island. 

“You’ll have questions,” Felix says softly. “I’ll try to answer. I just can’t talk about this, not without forgetting details or … or throwing up.” 

Chan takes the pages with a nod. “I - Lix, this was really brave. It can’t have been easy writing it all down.” 

“It wasn’t,” Felix whispers. 

“Can I … can I hug you?” Chan asks. 

“Please,” is the only answer Felix gives before Chan is wrapping him in a hug. He inhales the familiar scent of him. Not all the tension leaves, but enough does. 

---

Jisung anxiously watches as Chan disappears with the letter after breakfast, then rushes to the bathroom a mere fifteen minutes looking green. Half an hour after that, he returns. Jisung glances out the kitchen window again – Felix has taken his breakfast to the patio once more, and given his posture he’s fighting pain. The plate of pancakes seems mostly untouched, but Jisung doesn’t think anyone can blame Felix for having no appetite. 

“He needs a doctor,” Chan rasps when he finally returns from the kitchen. His eyes are red, his shoulders tight. 

“You know we can’t take him to one,” Hyunjin says softly. 

“Yeah, I know,” he tugs at his hair and drops his head. A hoarse echo of a sob punches from his mouth. “More painkillers, then-” 

“I already gave him some,” Minho says softly, studying the leader. He walks over carefully and rests his hand on Chan’s forearm. “How bad?” 

Chan shakes his head and blinks skyward, but it doesn’t stop the tears from falling. 

“Read it if you want,” he chokes. “But it was bad.” 

Chan leaves to the patio. They watch him speak softly with Felix who shrugs and let’s Chan lift him into his arms. 

“We’re gonna hang in Lixie’s room,” Chan says roughly. “He shouldn’t be on his feet in the first place.” 

Felix doesn’t even seem to hear, just presses his face against Chan’s shoulder. 

One by one, the members disappear with the pages and force themselves to live Felix’s suffering through his own words. No one reacts well – Minho doesn’t even return to the kitchen, and Jisung flinches when he hears the front door close, then watches his boyfriend storm into the woods with shoulders bunched to his ears. Changbin goes after – because after all these years, age-order is engrained into their minds. He returns with red eyes and white knuckles, and when he slams his bedroom door shut, the whole wall seems to shake. Hyunjin is trembling as he walks to the room, and it takes mere minutes before Jisung can hear his choked sobs. Jisung wordlessly wraps himself around Jeongin, and while the maknae might otherwise squirm away, Jeongin hugs him right back as they listen to Hyunjin cry. When he returns, his shoulders are still shaking, a complicated mix of grief and rage twisting his features. 

“Jin?” Jisung prods. Hyunjin holds up a hand and takes a heaving breath. He takes a moment to collect himself before speaking. 

“I genuinely don’t know if you should read it,” Hyunjin says. Jisung straightens out of Jeongin’s hug. 

“Why?” 

Hyunjin shakes his head. His throat spasms, whether it’s around a scream, a gag, or another sob, Jisung isn’t sure. 

“It’s awful,” is what Hyunjin settles on. “Do you have your meds?” 

Jisung’s stomach feels like lead. “I do.” 

Hyunjin nods. “Lix in his room?” 

“With Chan,” Seungmin says. “He seemed… I think writing it down took a lot out of him.” 

I don’t think he wants to talk about it, is the subtext, and Hyunjin nods. 

“I’ll go stay with them,” he says. He begins to leave but glances over his shoulder at the last minute. “Take care of yourselves. If you need to stop, no one will blame you.” 

Jisung nods at him. The two youngest watch him with uncharacteristically frightened eyes, Seungmin instinctively wrapping his arm around Jeongin’s. 

“I’ll be back,” Jisung tells him. 

The pages lay innocuously on the still-unused dinner table. The handwriting is shaky, smudged in certain spots with tears; Jisung isn’t sure whether they were Felix’s or the members. It’s likely a mix. 

It’s fucking awful. 

Jisung leaves to take his meds before he even reaches the end of the first page, like Hyunjin predicted, but he forces himself to return to read the whole, terrible account. When he finally finishes, he’s only adding tears to the paper. He stands, preparing to find Minho, to crawl into a hug, to do anything that might offer a modicum of comfort to the both of them.

Jisung sits back with his chest tight enough to crack ribs and bile in his throat. He shakily collects the pages, but his trembling is too much, and he knocks that final page to the ground. It’s only when he stoops to collect it does he see that Felix added a single line on the back of the page. 

They called it a Sanctus Bell. 

I need to stop them from using it. 

“Oh, shit,” Jisung says to himself. “Hyungs are not gonna like this.” 

---

“Hey, hyung?” 

Minho looks up in shock from where he’s pretending to read on his bed, despite the fact that the only words he can think of are the ones he read on the pages. 

Felix hugs the doorframe, eyes downcast and fingers tapping anxiously on his thigh. It shatters Minho’s heart to see him like this – Felix, who has time and time again thrown himself on Minho’s bed for a cuddle, knowing Minho would rather light himself on fire than deny him comfort; Felix, who holds hands with everyone, who massages shoulder and clings to arms and leaves loud smacking kisses on cheeks when he’s tipsy – is scared to make eye contact. 

“Bbokie, why are you walking around? Didn’t Chan-hyung put you on bed rest?”

Felix shrugs. “He fell asleep. Jinnie helped me over here, but I told him I want to talk to you.” 

Minho nods, closes his book, and sits up. “Come sit on the bed, yeah?” 

Felix smiles (not a sunshine smile, but an overcast twitch of the lips) and shuffles onto the bed. When Minho opens his arms, Felix doesn’t throw himself into the hug, but he crawls into the embrace pretty quickly. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix murmurs against Minho’s neck. Minho leans back to look at him, but Felix just buries his face against Minho’s sweater. 

“Why?” Minho asks. 

“You … I remembered.” 

Oh. That explains some things. 

“That must have been pretty scary, huh?” Minho asks, but Felix just shakes his head. 

“For you, it definitely was,” he insists. “Hyung, you had to hold me down. You had to wipe away the blood. And then you had to do it again two days ago!” 

Minho sits up and repositions Felix so he’s half-sitting in his lap facing him. He moves to cup Felix’s cheek, to force their eye contact, but Felix flinches and his eyes flash a slight gold. “I’m sorry, I-” 

“It’s okay,” Felix lifts Minho’s hands and moves it back to his face. “You just startled me.” 

Minho bites the inside of his cheek to keep his face free of rage. He remembers the words in Felix’s own scrawl ( they kept grabbing my face like they wanted to make sure I was watching them ), and he makes sure to keep the touch gentle. “Yongbok-ah, you’re right – I did hold your legs down, and I cleaned away your blood, and I watched you scream and cry and almost die. And yes, I helped to wipe away your blood when we got you back, and if Hyunjin hadn’t done it, I would have cut my own hand off to get you out of your trance-” 

“Hyung!” 

“-if it meant saving you.” 

A strange sort of conflict dances across Felix’s face, but eventually he exhales. “Thank you. But I’m still sorry. I just can’t imagine how you felt during it and after it.” 

“Better,” Minho promises him. “Better knowing you were alive, you were safe; better knowing I’d get to see you smile again, knowing I’d get my sweetest dongsaeng back.” 

“I’m surprised Seungmin didn’t materialize to call me a demon just now,” Felix chuckles. Minho’s chest pounds with joy at the sound. 

“Let us – let me – take care of you. Seeing you safe, seeing you heal, it makes it all worth it, got it?” 

Felix nods and fully relaxes against Minho. 

“Can I stay here for a bit? It’s hard to see them all sad.” 

Minho picks up his book, drops a kiss on the top of Felix’s head. “Anything you want.” 

Hours pass. Minho doesn’t really absorb anything he reads in his book, but with Felix curled against him, his pretty wings unbound and unbothered, he finds he doesn’t really mind.

---

Felix knows that his fear concerns the members, but try as he might, he cannot get his body to catch up with his thoughts: He is safe. He is with the members. Zou and Beel are dead. He’s not in the van. 

It doesn’t stop him from discovering new, terrible triggers with every passing moment. 

He hugs walls when he walks, now. Quietly, too, more often than not startling members with his silence. He hovers in doorways before he enters rooms, and he still can’t bear to close a door behind him. He tries, that night, when half the members are asleep and the rest our on their way. He closes the bathroom door behind him, takes a seat on the closed toilet, and promptly forgets how to breathe. 

Not just breathe, apparently: he can’t move, because movement meant tearing of wings and tugging of chains. 

“Help,” he whispers with a choke that bubbles into a scream. “H-Help!” 

The door flies open: Changbin, wide eyed and panting. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Felix presses his fingers against his neck. Should someone’s heart be able to race this quickly? The pounding makes the gold slowly filling his vision pulse. His breaths puff out in miniscule little pants, because if he breathes too deeply, the clamp will just dig in even further- 

You’re not in the van, you’re not in the van, Felix tells himself. 

“Lixie, hey,” Changbin rushes over and crouches before him. He makes a very obvious, slow-moving show of placing his hand over Felix’s knee. “You’re having a panic attack, baby.” 

Felix nods. He’s well aware. He just isn’t sure how to break his body out of its self-created prison. 

“Can you move? The toilet seat probably isn’t comfortable–”

“M’wings’ll tear,” Felix rasps. Changbin glances at the wings – unbound but ruffled with anxiety – and then his lips open with understanding. 

“No, Lixie, you’re not in the van anymore, your wings are free.” 

Felix closes his eyes and focuses on that spot in the center of his back. Like an old muscle, he flexes it and feels the way the wings respond, gently opening like the pages of a book. 

“Just like that,” Changbin says encouragingly. “See? You’re free.” 

“Free,” Felix echoes. He opens his eyes, grateful to see that Changbin’s caring face is no longer golden-dusted with his instincts. 

“Can you breathe with me?” Changbin asks quietly. “In … hold, and out … Good job, Lixie, one more time?” 

Felix lets Changbin guide him through breathing exercises he himself has used with Jisung. Suddenly, on his exhale, his entire body slackens, weak and sore from adrenaline but finally unparalyzed. Changbin catches him easily and, when Felix latches his arms around his neck, pulls him tighter against his chest. 

“You’re okay, Yongbok-ah, you’re okay.” 

“S-sorry,” Felix sniffles. “Just - the door.” 

“Closed it?” 

“Yeah. Wanted to see if I could do it,” Felix pulls back and swipes at his nose with his sleeve. “It’s fucking stupid.” 

Changbin sits back too and stares seriously at Felix. “It’s not stupid. You went through a trauma – a serious, real trauma – and you woke up last night. Don’t be so mean to someone I love.” 

Felix giggles, then pauses. “Wait, you read what I wrote, didn’t you?” 

Changbin takes a shaky breath. It’s all the confirmation Felix needed. 

“Are you okay?” He asks. Changbin’s jaw drops a bit, and then he throws his head back and laughs. 

“Am I okay? God, you’re so sweet it’s insane. I should be asking you that.” 

“You have,” Felix points out. “Like, several times.” 

“I won’t lie and say it was easy reading it,” Changbin admits, “and I want more than anything to find the people who hurt you, bring them back from the dead, and promptly return them myself. But you’re safe. You’re here. That’s what matters.”

“Even though I can’t close any doors behind me?” Felix sniffles again. Changbin smiles and brushes a finger across a feather. 

“Fuck doors,” he says. “Personally, I’ve always found them wildly overrated.” 

---

He wakes up his fourth morning with a groan.

It’s the combination of the mental and physical that makes him feel like he wants to spread his (aching) wings and fly himself straight into the sun. 

Felix just wants to stop hurting. He’s in terrible physical condition – as the last of his instinct-frenzied daze wears off, the full brunt of the pain hits in full force; at least it jolts the members out of their apparent, bone-deep fury from what the Hunters did to him. Felix doesn’t know what he’s going to do if someone looks at him like he’s about to break again, and having a task (namely, taking care of him) seems to distract them a bit. 

The problem is, Felix kind of feels like he is about to break. 

“Do you want me to wrap your wings, or do you want to leave them unbound,” Seungmin asks. He holds the swath of elastic almost threateningly and gently bats Felix against the side of the head with it when he doesn’t answer right away. 

“I don’t want them bound,” Felix answers. Truth be told, he has no clue what to do with his wings. He knows he flew with them, even though now, no longer under the effect of the instincts, he can barely extend them without wincing in pain; but still, the idea of his wings being restricted in any way makes his throat tighten. 

“Okay,” Seungmin drops the elastic and turns back to the open first aid kit with his hands on his hips. “What hurts?” 

Everything, Felix wants to say. 

“Everything, I bet,” Jeongin supplies after studying Felix’s posture. Felix rolls his eyes at him. “Tell me I’m wrong, hyung, I dare you.” 

“My shoulders and my side still hurt the most,” Felix acquiesces. “But I already took a painkiller this morning-”

“Yes, two hours and seventeen minutes ago,” Seungmin nods. Felix splutters. 

“Are you timing it?” 

Seungmin just flashes his phone screen where a stopwatch has been set. Felix’s stomach flutters with embarrassment and happiness alike. 

“We can ice your side and your shoulders, but the best thing you can do right now is rest,” Seungmin points a finger at him accusingly. “I mean it, Lix. No getting up to get water, no bopping around to kiss your boyfriend. You have a date with either the couch or your bed.” 

Felix groans. “Minnie, I’m not paralyzed, I can walk just fine-” 

“-which means you can exacerbate your injuries,” he sniffs, chin jutted as he walks to the kitchen to get ice.  

“Have you been watching Grey’s Anatomy or something?” Felix calls. “I swear, you-” 

Several things happen at once. 

First, Hyunjin exits one of the rooms and closes the door behind him with more force than anticipated. 

Second, Jeongin moves from the arm of the couch to behind Felix to examine the bruising on his shoulder, his hands moving delicately across the muscle. 

Third, Seumgin dumps a bag of ice into a metal bowl. It clanks; it rattles.

Felix is running before anyone can stop him. 

Pretty little Angel, I don’t think you’ll be flying anytime soon- 

He makes it to the front door, blind with panic and pulsing gold, but when he yanks on the handle, it won’t budge. He slaps his hands against the door. 

“Please, please!” he’s sobbing, screaming, wings spasming in pain-laced fear. When it doesn’t open, he presses himself against the wood, sinks down into a ball with his arms around himself like armor. “Don’t hurt me, please stop - not again, please, don’t-” 

Hyunjin rushes over, the others on his heels. He drops to the floor with his hands palm-out.

“You’re okay, Lix, you’re okay,” he soothes. “You’re not there, remember? You’re with us-” 

“D-don’t hurt me,” Felix whimpers; he chokes on every fast inhale, gags on the words. 

“No one’s going to hurt you, baby,” Hyunjin promises. 

“It’s just us,” Jeongin sits too. “You just got a little scared.” 

“Can you breathe with me?” Hyunjin asks. Felix shakes his head, but he’s not really sure what he’s saying no to, caught between four days earlier and a very hazy right now . “Okay, that’s fine. Hey, we’ll just sit with you, okay?” 

Felix swallows wetly. “J-Jin?” 

Hyunjin smiles and reaches out a hand. Felix grasps it like it’s a lifeline. “Yeah, good job, sweetheart, doing so good-” 

“T-talk,” he begs. 

“You want us to talk?” Hyunjin asks. Felix hiccups and nods. “Um, okay, let me think-” 

“I think if Innie was a supernatural creature, he’d be a siren,” Seungmin immediately offers. Hyunjin looks at him, bewildered. Jeongin just beams. 

“Oh, hell yeah! Beautiful voice, sharp teeth.” 

“It’s concerning that you’re focused on the teeth bit,” Seungmin grumbles, wandering over to sit beside the maknae. 

“Jinnie would be fae,” Jeongin says. 

“Aw, cause I’m pretty?” Hyunjin preens. Felix’s breathing is slowing more and more by the second. Jeongin rolls his eyes. 

“Let’s not discount your humility, hyung,” he snorts. “Seungminnie would be a Dark Mage or something.” 

Seunmgin grins, ears pink.

“Definitely,” Hyunjin agrees. “And Channie-hyung would be a werewolf.” 

“Ugh, he’d be so into the whole ‘Alpha’ thing,” Seungmin wrinkles his nose. Felix giggles. It’s watery, weak, but there. 

“And Minho-hyung would be, like, a Vampire prince,” Jeongin suggests. “Except he wouldn’t have bats.” 

“Cats,” Felix whispers. “He’d have an old manor with a hundred cats.” 

“Yes, that’s it!” Jeongin snaps his fingers. Felix smiles weakly, and slowly, his arms and wings unfurl. 

“Changbin would be a shapeshifter,” Hyunjin squeezes Felix’s fingers to keep him grounded as he continues the conversation. “Because he can look all big and scary one second but then he’s acting like a little wounded puppy.” 

“And Ji,” Seungmin purses his lips. “Maybe a Pixie? They’re cute but powerful and mischievous.” 

“What about me?” Felix asks. Seungmin snorts. 

“Lix, regardless of current reality, you’d be an Angel in every universe.” 

Felix feels the last tendrils of his shaky panic bleed away to blushing joy. 

“S-sorry I freaked out,” Felix whispers. 

“It’s okay,” Jeongin shrugs like it truly is nothing. 

“How about some tea?” Hyunjin asks. Felix bats his eyes. 

“Really?” He juts out his lower lip for good measure, and Hyunjin goes pink at the neck. 

“Lix, you don’t have to pull out all the stops, he’d probably steal the moon for you if you hinted as much,” Seungmin wines. 

“True,” Hyunjin admits. He stands and helps Felix to his feet. “Now go be couchbound, okay?” 

Felix lets Jeongin carry him to the couch, even though he could definitely make the walk himself. His panic, and the rapid movements that accompanied it, have left him shaky and even more sore. Seungmin follows. 

“Do you know what set you off?” he asks. Felix frowns. “It’s not a bad thing, I just wanna make sure we don’t do something again that will make you anxious.” 

“I think it was just a lot of noise at once?” Felix whispers, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “There was a door slamming, and then Innie touched my back. But I think the real kicker was the … the clanking.” 

“The clanking?” Seungmin asks. Felix looks to the kitchen at the bowl filled with ice. “Oh, the metal?” 

“That makes sense,” Jeongin sits up. “Remember when Lix-hyung hid beneath the bed? It was when I went to make tea and the kettle banged against the pots. And then yesterday, when Chan was making lunch, he opened the silverware drawer…” 

Felix bites his lip and tries to take a slow, long breath. Thankfully, Seumgin makes the connection so he doesn’t have to vocalize it. 

“It’s the chain, right?” he asks sadly. “You wrote about the chain connected to the clamp.” 

Hyunjin appears with a mug of tea. He doesn’t even ask, just slips next to Felix, pulls him into his arms and rubs slow circles on his wrist with his thumb as if he can wipe away the dark bruises. 

“She kept tossing it in her hand,” Felix whispers. “Sometimes she’d pull it, other times she'd just play with it. I never knew if it there was going to be pain or just the threat of pain.” 

He feels the way Hyunjin stiffens beside him; even Seungmin, who redefines the meaning of a poker face, looks like he wants to yell.

“You’re so brave, hyung,” Jeongin says. Felix blinks at him, baffled. 

“I was a coward,” Felix whimpers. “I didn’t even try to fight.” 

Hyunjin stiffens, but Jeongin’s eyes flash with something close to anger. 

“I read what you wrote,” he says sternly. “You don’t think you fought? Hyung, what were you meant to do differently? You gave what answers you could to buy yourself time. You dislocated your thumb to press the locket, you bore all of the pain despite the fact that you weren’t sure it would end, and you crawled hands-and-knees through a literal gunfight half dead to safety, despite the fact that you knew you could get caught. You went through more than people will suffer their entire lives only four days ago and you’re sitting here, talking.” 

Felix sniffles. Jeongin takes his hands, looking so much like the boy Felix met years ago, and yet so much like the man he is today. 

“Surviving is the bravest thing there is to do,” Jeongin chokes on the words, his eyes glassy. “And you’ve done it over and over again.”

“Iyen-ah,” Felix whispers. He reaches a hand to Jeongin’s face and brushes away a tear. Jeongin smiles, catches his wrist. 

“And there’s that, most of all,” he nods at Felix’s fingers. “After everything you’ve gone through, you still have love to give. That’s what makes you our Sunshine. It’s not that you have to shine so brightly every day, it’s that you still find a way to break through your own clouds.” 

“Innie, what the fuck,” Hyunjin sniffles. 

“I didn’t know you could be so sweet!” Seungmin blinks away his own tears. Jeongin goes bright red. 

“Shut up, it's only for Felix,” he grumbles. 

Felix beams at him. They’re drawn to your magic, Zou had said. But the members have loved him at every step, conscious or unconscious, instincts flaring or numbed. 

“Yeah, my Innie is always sweet,” he chides Hyunjin and Seungmin. 

---

The members are clearly discussing Felix’s triggers behind his back, because suddenly everyone is leaving their doors open. The group also seems keen to keep meals outside rather than in. Felix knows it’s because of him, but he also knows that they don’t get many moments to soak up nature – not when they’re usually darting from the company to airplanes to arenas and back.

They’re also very careful in the kitchen. Now that everyone has read Felix’s account of what we went through, and after his rather unfortunate mental breakdown by the front door, metal might has well have been banned. Suddenly, they’re eating on paper plates with wooden chopsticks or plastic cutlery. 

Sudden noises still send him jolting to the nearest door, curling into spots his instincts deem safe. Certain phrases – even when spoken with absolute adoration – make him tense, ready for pain: pretty, little, Angel . Unexpected touches, whether they be a gentle ruffle of his hair or a brush of fingers against his wings, make him freeze in place, the phantom jaws of the clamp paralyzing him. 

But at the same time, he’s getting better. He doesn’t get to walk anywhere – Changbin, Chan, and Jeongin are always adamant about carrying him (and when the hell did Jeongin get so strong?), whether it be from his bed to the couch or just to the patio to eat. Nevermind the fact Felix can definitely walk, they refuse to let him, and he isn’t going to complain about an excuse to cuddle against any member whenever he gets the chance. 

Seungmin and Minho have become, apparently, amateur doctors. Every few hours, one of them creeps over, medication, first aid kit, and ice packs in tow. The combination of rest and medication is obviously working, and that small bit of improvement lifts a weight off of Felix’s (far less sore) shoulders. Still, healing needs time. The bruises are ugly, dark, and expansive; he thinks the members might have them more than Felix does, and he has to remind himself that they will, inevitably, fade. It feels like a miracle that his ribs seem achey, not broken. His wings are healing much more quickly than he thinks a comparable wound on his skin might have, but they’re still sensitive; it doesn't help that Felix’s own feelings towards his wings were so strained for so long. 

Maybe it’s the renewal of his connection to his wings that has his instincts (still frayed with trauma) flaring unexpectedly and often. Every time they do, Jisung and Hyunjin are there. Jisung understands anxiety, understands panic; he knows exactly how to talk Felix down, or when to simply talk about meaningless anythings. He doesn’t ask questions or push when Felix asks him to sit in the bathroom with him, or when Felix has to sit in silence outside; he just stays. 

And if Jisung stays, then Hyunjin just never leaves; he’s a steady, constant presence. Felix finds himself curling against Hyunjin time and time again; Hyunjin never cages him in, just cradles him and allows Felix to initiate every cuddle. The nightmares, Felix thinks, are the worst – those few, tenuous moments between the hell of his own mind and the fuzzy image of Hyunjin soothing him are terrible; Felix always, always thinks that he made it all up, that he never got rescued, that he’s coming to consciousness still in that van. It takes several minutes of Hyunjin talking him down before his eyes stop glowing, before his wings unfurl and his tears dry up. 

The best thing, though, is that the members – while definitely careful with him – are so themselves. On their fifth day, they play a four-hour Mario Kart tournament extravaganza, filled with truth-or-dare consequences that see Minho streaking in a circle around the house, Hyunjin choking down a concoction of hot sauce, apple cider vinegar, and coke, and Jeongin in a face full of makeup. Felix knows he’s still twenty-five percent quieter than he normally would be, but that’s still a one-hundred percent increase to his instinct-dazed, hissing panic. 

Eventually, games shift to binge watching old videos on the official Stray Kids youtube channel, which turns into frozen pizza for dinner and a comedy movie marathon – they half-pay attention, half-just talk. 

Wrapped in a cuddle pile on the floor, Felix smack in the middle with his wings stretched atop the couch behind him, Felix feels okay. Felix feels more clear headed than he realistically has since Paris. 

Felis also knows that it’s time to find out what the fuck is going on. 

“Hey guys?” 

At Felix’s words, all seven boys look up. It makes Felix’s stomach flip with embarrassed happiness. 

“‘Sup, Little One?” Chan asks. 

“How are we here,” Felix says slowly. “Because I’m pretty sure it’s been five days and no one’s mentioned schedules.” 

“Um…” Chan’s gaze slides anxiously away towards Minho, who scoffs at the implication that he’ll play leader right now.

“And,” Felix adds, “no one will tell me how the concert ended? I asked Innie this morning and he choked on toothpaste.” 

“Rude,” Jeongin pouts. 

“Ah, I guess it’s probably time to talk about it,” Chan rubs his hands on his pajama pants. “We just – I just – wanted to avoid any work conversations until you were feeling more stable.” 

“I get that,” Felix puts on his sweetest smile, cocks his head to the side the way he always does with Chan, “but at this point you’re running the risk of slicing your feet up with all the eggshells you’re tiptoeing over, don’t you think?” 

Seungmin chuckles. Felix winks at him. 

“He’s definitely back,” Changbin giggles. 

“Well, um,” Chan taps his fingers against his knees and chuckles weakly. “I mean, it’s such a long story, right? I mean, where to start-”

“Someone took a picture of you getting kidnapped,” Seungmin cuts in bluntly. 

“Kim Seungmin!” Minho gasps. 

“What, hyung was being stupid!” Seungmin rolls his eyes. 

Felix would normally find this exchange hilarious. 

Right now, though, he’s not finding anything amusing. 

“Can you stop bickering before Felix starts hyperventilating?” Jisung snaps. Chan deflates at the sight of Felix’s expression. 

“Yeah, sorry Lix. Um, that did happen right after we found you. Like, Changbin literally messaged us as we were driving away with you. It’s … it’s blurry, you can’t even totally tell it’s you, but it got uploaded to Instagram, which means-” 

“Let me see,” Felix says sternly. Chan sucks in a breath, teeth gritted. “Hyung, let me see-”

“Here,” Jeongin pushes his phone into Felix’s lap. Felix squints at the image. K-POP CONCERT ENDS ABRUPTLY IN LIGHT OF KIDNAPPING ALLEGATIONS. 

Chan’s right, you can’t tell it’s Felix. The image is grainy and far-too zoomed in to capture any detail. From an objective point of view, the photo shows a someone in jeans and a denim jacket with a bag over their head and a blur of a someone else in all black grabbing their body from behind. Felix scrolls to the comments. 

 

• This is definitely one of the SKZ members! I was at the show and those were the outfits they had on when their set ended.
  • I think it must be Felix, Lee Know, Jisung, or Seungmin
    • Why? That’s a really dangerous rumor to put out there.
    • Because of their height and build. I was at the show and IN didn’t have a jacket, neither did Hyunjin.
• JYP hasn’t released a statement but none of the boys have posted anything since the show. They normally would, especially if they cancelled an encore.
• Police were everywhere after. Are they okay????  

 

 

“Fuck,” Felix curses. He passes the phone back to Jeongin, pulls his knees up to his chest, and buries his face there they meet. “It’s everywhere. This is a fucking disaster.” 

“It’s not!” Jisung insists; he’s clearly anxious given his forced chipperness, but Felix appreciates the attempt. “I’ve looked at all of the articles. Yes, everyone thinks there was a kidnapping, but they don’t know it was you.” 

“The company has to know, right?” Felix asks. “What did they do? Did they send anyone?” 

Chan’s expression hardens, but he keeps quiet. Felix studies him, but it’s Minho who speaks up. 

“We haven’t told them a lot, and we downplayed what we did. As far as the company believes, someone knocked you out, and we found you,” Minho clarifies. “There was no way for them to push back – you were taken, we got you back, so we’re all taking as much time as needed. They … we made it clear that we would talk to them when we were ready.” 

“As much time as needed,” Felix echoes. “What about-” 

“It’s up to us what we get to,” Chan promises him. “Concerts can be postponed. The only thing we’re really getting pushed about is the award show next month, but-”

“Hyung, that’s not for five weeks!” Felix gasps. “I’ll be fine-” 

“Bbokie,” Minho growls. “Please, I beg of you, don’t say you’re fine when you’re five days past being kidnapped.” 

And tortured, hovers unspoken. 

“I’ll be able to dance,” Felix amends, jaw clicking. “I can’t just wallow away and stay crawled in my hole. I want to go to the award show, I want to go to tour, and I don’t want to stop being in Stray Kids!” 

Even to his own ears, he sounds petulant. Whiney and unrealistic, even if it is the truth. No one seems eager to meet his eye, save Hyunjin and Chan. 

“Please,” Felix whimpers. “Please, don’t make me leave you.” 

“Lixie,” Chan finally says. “No one is going to make you leave. As for schedules and award shows and going back to Seoul, I can’t tell you what to do-” 

Which means Chan really wishes he could, Felix thinks. 

“-but what you were doing before clearly wasn’t working.”

Felix sighs and drags his hands down from his eyes to his jaw. “I know, I know. It didn’t matter that my wings were weak – it was worse because I couldn’t move them – they said my magic was still there. She said … she said it would change ‘her game’ a bit, but it wouldn’t change the outcome.”

Hyunjin’s fists visibly clench. Felix looks at every member until they’re forced to meet his gaze. 

“The only reason I survived was because of you – literally and figuratively,” he says seriously. “At one point, I wanted to give up. I was praying the car would run off the road, praying they’d accidentally just kill me.”

Minho’s eyes lift from where they’ve been locked on the floor, black and heavy and angry. Hyunjin’s grip on his hand tightens. 

“And then I thought of all of you … and of my maturation. I shouldn’t have survived all of this. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. When I was in that van, Zou used the idea of you all being hurt to keep me awake-” 

“Fuck,” Jisung curses. 

“-but it was the idea of you fighting for me again and again that kept me going. She told me the only reason you all care about me is because my magic lures you in, but I don’t think that’s true. I’ve pushed you away, I’ve pushed myself deeper into my head, I’ve been injured and unconscious and I’ve tried to numb my instincts, but at the end of every bad, terrible day, you’re all always there.” 

Chan exhales a kind of shaky laugh. “Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” 

“Wouldn’t know how to be anywhere else,” Hyunjin adds. Felix smiles at him. 

“I know the odds are terrible,” Felix acknowledges. “I know it’s insane to want to go back to Seoul, to keep being an idol, but I genuinely believe that if I’m not with you, if I’m not able to protect you and … and be protected by you, things will be worse for me. I don’t know how, I just know. And I’m asking you to believe me.” 

Believe me, believe me, believe me. 

It’s what started it all, isn’t it, Felix thinks. They’re staring at him, and he can’t quite ascertain if his words have swayed them in any meaningful way. 

“Please,” Felix begs, “don’t make me stop. I’ll do anything, just … believe me when I say I can’t leave you behind.” 

“Fuck,” Chan gasps. 

And then he’s got Felix in his arms, and he’s sobbing. 

“Chris?” Felix says. He lifts his arms and his wings, wrapping the leader in a hug. 

“I thought I lost you,” Chan weeps against his shoulder in English. “I thought I broke my promise.” 

“Never,” Felix whispers. “I’ll always find you, right?” 

“Right.” 

Chan pulls back; his teeth catch on his lower lip. “Okay, we need a list or something. A list of things we need to solve for. We need to figure out how we’re going to keep you safe when we eventually go back to Seoul.”

Felix beams at him; the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes don’t feel all that bad.  

Seungmin sits up, grinning. “Care and Keeping of Angel Lix round two.” 

Felix isn’t sure if Seungmin brough the massive sheet of paper with him, or if he found it in the cabin’s office; he assumes the latter. Either way, it’s very Seungmin. He props the paper in front of the TV, uncaps a marker, and looks expectantly at the group. 

“Okay, give me a problem.” 

“Uh, the whole world thinks a member was kidnapped?” Jeongin waves his hands like the suggestion is obvious. Seungmin nods, adds the line item. 

“And the company knows it was Felix,” he adds to himself, jotting that down as well. 

“If the whole world realizes Felix was taken, is there a risk that other Hunters or Bureau members might make the connection?” Jisung frets aloud. 

“We change details,” Changbin nods. “Felix was in a van going north? Not anymore, now it was a Sedan heading south. He was taken for a few minutes, unconscious, and then we found him on the road. Make the motivation money, that makes more sense.” 

“Does it?” Felix worries. “Kidnapping an idol is bold.” 

“And that’s why they let you go,” Hyunjin says. “It was a wrong place, wrong time situation. You ran out to get some air, some idiots thought you looked expensive and took you, but once they realized how high-profile you are, they dropped you off then and there.” 

“And we knew something was wrong, so we ran out to find you. It was scary for all of us, and the company didn’t listen, so we all need to take some time recovering,” Jisung nods as he crafts the narrative. 

“But what about Stay? The paparazzi? The press?” Felix asks. With each word, Seungmin adds the line items to his board. 

“We tell them the truth,” Chan says seriously. He rises, and while he’s not taller than Felix, he is broader, and he has a way of standing like he’s the largest person in the room. “A member were briefly taken by muggers. Said member was injured in the process. We felt action wasn’t being appropriately taken, and since we have each other’s locations,” he looks meaningfully around the group to establish the lie, “we went after that member ourselves. When we found the member, they were injured and terrified, so we got a rental and decided we needed a group hiatus to cope with the trauma. We met with a private doctor. We’ve been handling it as a group. We’re glad to have the time to recover together, and we’re excited to attend events once we’re all feeling well enough to do so.” 

“Hyung,” Felix is trembling with the effort to keep his feelings tamped down. “The company will never release that kind of statement.” 

“That’s why I’m going to do it myself, on Bubble,” Chan says. 

“Hyung!” Felix exclaims. “You’re gonna get in so much trouble!” 

“What are they gonna do, fire me?” Chan smirks at Felix like he has all the secrets of the universe. “I’ll keep the message professional, straight to the point. I won’t even put your name in it, no confirmation, just an explanation as to where we are, and why we’ve been quiet.”

“And we say it was me,” Minho says suddenly. 

Felix whirls on the spot. Several hands rise to steady him, but he bats them away. 

“Hyung, no,” he says sternly. “What if the Hunters think it’s you? Or the Bureau?”

“Even better,” Minho says. “Let them trail me. Let them waste time trying to get a stupid fucking Houndswater stone close enough. If they’re looking at me, they’re not looking at you.” 

“Hyung,” Jisung says anxiously. Felix wants to scream – his wings twitch, member and danger making then agitated. 

“They’ll realize eventually that I’m not an Angel, Jagiya,” Minho runs a thumb across Jisung’s cheek. “And besides, after this, no one is going anywhere alone.” 

“Hyung, I can’t let you do this,” Felix whimpers. Minho purses his lips and takes his hand. 

“And I can’t sit by while there’s something I could do to help,” Minho says. His eyes flicker to Hyunjin’s, then Chan’s, and if Felix wasn’t so gutted, he’d maybe be a little amused, if not annoyed; trust Minho to find the two other people who have more protectiveness for Felix running through their veins than actual blood.

“Another problem, Felix is still injured,” Hyunjin says quickly to change the topic. Felix turns to pout at him, and Hyunjin shuts his eyes. “You can’t use your eyes on me for this, Lix. It's a fact. You might be technically able to walk, but your ribs are bruised to shit and your wings cannot be wrapped in this condition.” 

“I’ll heal,” Felix says. 

“But you need time to heal,” Hyunjin implores him. “Please, this isn’t like staying too late in the practice rooms. This is serious shit, and if you get really hurt, we don't have a doctor we can call.” 

Felix sighs heavily. Hyunjin is right, even if the idea of hiding away makes him cringe with inaction. 

“Time isn’t a problem,” Chan admits. “I mentioned that the company knows we’re taking time for ourselves. I … I may or may not have caused a bit of a stir with the higher ups at JYPE due to my tone.” 

“Hyung,” Felix drawls. “What’d you do?” 

“I basically put the line in the sand?” Chan laughs anxiously. “Made it clear that, um, we weren’t going back to Seoul for another two weeks?” 

“What?” Felix gasps. 

“How the hell did you do that?” Changbin asks, looking equal parts giddy and shocked. Chan sighs. 

“At the end of the day, the schedule they gave us for the mini tour was too fucking demanding. I was already trying to fight it, so it’s not like this came out of nowhere. And the way they handled your suspension, Bbokie? That wasn’t exactly okay either. I made it clear that there’s no reason for us to go back, and since it was management’s stubbornness that kept us from looking for you, they don’t get to say shit about how I lead my team and when I give my team time to recuperate from a traumatic event.” 

Chan says it like he’s rehearsed it; he says it like he must have said it to JYP himself. 

Felix half-hopes, half-fears he swore just as much during the conversation. 

“I also may have gotten Yun and Jung fired.” 

“WHAT?” 

The uproar is unanimous across every single member. 

“Well, I’m not positive yet,” Chan admits. “I at least made it clear that we won’t be working directly with them anymore. Whether or not they’re moved to a different group is out of my control.” 

“Why?” Felix asks. 

“When we couldn’t find you, they basically kept us hostage in the green room,” Chan explains. “We were lucky that security was moving with Yun and Jung, because when they left we were able to take the car keys-” 

“Stolen car keys,” Changbin reminds him. 

“Wait,” Felix sits up. “Whose car did you steal?” 

Chan snorts. “Uh, Yun’s?” 

Felix cackles. “And you didn’t get in trouble?” 

“Oh, no,” Chan slings an arm around his shoulder and ruffles his hair. “I got scolded big time. Worth it, though.” 

“Finally, my leader is cool!” Jeongin reclines, hand behind head, “Grand theft auto? Pretty sexy, hyung.” 

“Point is, I made it clear that a line of trust had been broken, and that we would no longer be willing to work with them professionally.” 

Felix feels his stomach swoop. Chan says it like it’s nothing, which means he likely spent a good painful chunk of time going to bat for them all. He’s never doubted that Chan would do anything for any of them, but seeing it laid before him – not requesting but just taking a break, controlling who gets access to the members, stealing a car – highlights just how far that care goes. 

“So, we have time for Lix to heal up,” Seungmin summarizes, promptly placing a check mark next to injuries. 

“And we have time to test your instincts,” Hyunjin adds. Felix tilts his head at him, and Hyunjin reaches into his pocket to pull out the Houndswater stone. Felix’s breath catches at the sight of it, pulsing where it says on the floor before him. “Hyung’s right – we’re doing things differently this time around. We’re in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and we have, essentially, a geiger meter for Angel magic.” 

Felix snorts at the word choice. 

“It’s time to see just how big a flare you risk when you fly, when you’re sad, when you’re scared, when you feel ,” Hyunjin says. He shifts so that he’s fully facing Felix, and while the hand he drags down Felix’s arm is gentle, his expression is solemn. “I can’t watch you dim yourself again. There’s gotta be a way for you to be you without releasing too much magic.” 

“Finally, the training montage I’ve been dreaming of,” Jisung grins. “Your wings absolutely have some kind of defensive techniques. It’s time we figure out just how dangerous our Little Lixie can be.” 

Seungmin sighs witheringly, but writes down Insert training montage on the board. “So we’re going to … go behind JYPE’s back to own the narrative about a mysterious kidnapping, stay in this cabin for another two weeks, train Lix-ah’s instincts and wings until he’s a sneaky little feathery fighting machine … anything else?” 

“Yeah,” Felix swallows roughly. “Um, we’re kind of maybe going to brainstorm how to stop the Bureau from using the Sanctus Bell.” 

Seungmin had his marker poised at the paper when Felix started talking. Now, it slips between his fingers and tumbles to the floor. 

“Excuse me?” Minho chokes. 

“The Bureau were the ones with the guns and the armored cars, right baby?” Hyunjin’s voice lifts at the end like it’s a question, but his eyes are sharp. “You want to fight the people with the guns ?” 

“No,” Felix shakes his head. “I just want to stop them from hurting any other Angels.”

“Lix,” Jisung deadpans, though he doesn’t seem surprised. “How the hell do you want to do that?” 

Felix stands. He feels his wings lift in alertness. “Just because I got away doesn't mean the Hunters or the Bureau are done looking. I heard them say it – they had to use multiple angels to make the Sanctus bell. Do you know what that means? They tortured and killed multiple people to make a bell, which they could then use to lure even more angels out of hiding. I’ve met two angels already, I bet there are tons more at the big companies alone. I need to find them and warn them.” 

“He’s losing his mind, right?” Jeongin whispers to Changbin. “Please tell me he’s not implying what I think he’s implying.” 

“I can sense their magic,” Felix says. “So I’m going to find as many as I can. I’m going to warn them–” 

Jisung inhales, clearly preparing to protest further, when there’s a knock on the door. Felix jumps a mile as the others all leap to their feet. Hyunjin pulls Felix behind him, his grip tight around Felix’s wrist.

“Stay behind me,” he growls. Felix nods; he’s already trembling. 

“Take him to the bedroom,” Chan instructs. “Felix, I don’t want to hear any arguments – if you need to get out, you go–

“Hyung?” Seungmin says from where he stands, closer to the door, eyes narrowed at the gap in the curtains. 

“-and take your locket and your phone-” 

“ Hyung? ” Seungmin repeats, creeping towards the door. 

“-and you wait until you hear from us-”

“ Hyung! ” Seungmin yells. Chan turns to him, eyes fiery. “Relax. We’ve just got company.” 

“What?” Chan says in shock. 

Seungmin rolls his eyes, twists the knob despite the seven gasps that associate the action, and, flings open the door. 

Wooyoung stands, flanked by San and Yeosang, eyes tired but fierce. When Felix stumbles from behind Hyunjin, he releases a heavy breath. 

“Hey, Bbokie.” 

Felix steps forward. “Hyung?” 

And then he’s rushing towards Wooyoung, throwing himself (more gingerly than he might have otherwise) into his arms. Wooyoung laughs, brushes a hand along his feathers, and pulls back.

“Heard a fellow Angel went and got himself kidnapped.” 

Changbin looks at Wooyoung, at Felix, at the others, and back at Wooyoung. 

“ What the fuck is going on? ” 

Notes:

oof yup it's done!
AND IF THE TIMELINE IS INCONSISTENT WITH PREVIOUS CHAPTERS NO IT'S NOT U DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING !!!!

did u know I have a 115 page long document on my laptop for this fic? it's partially discarded chapters, partially me desperately trying to solve plot problems I've created for myself, isn't that fun?

as per usual, hoping to have next chapter out Monday. as my self-created plot problems continue, I may need to take a bit more time writing, or I might be stressing myself out for nothing!

thanks again for really, ily'all <3 <3 <3

Chapter 19: you feel it in your system, you want it more

Summary:

With Wooyoung on the war path, it's time for Felix to try controlling his instincts.
And maybe he lets his own instincts get control of him.

Notes:

I'M POSTING SO LATE IN THE DAY SORRY!
And wow, can't believe this fic was updated merely one hours before the A03 shutdown of last Thursday.

I gotta be REAL guys this chapter just ain't it!! It's rushed!! Please pretend it isn't or my fragile sanity will crumble!

I wrote it, rewrote it, panicked, screamed, and now I'm just posting it.

But hopefully the smut will appease pacing issues (oh yeah, TW FOR SMUT I WILL BOLD WHERE IT BEGINS AND ENDS BUT IT'S TOWARDS THE END) ((let's not discuss word count bc wow this is so so long))

“WOOYOUNG?”

Changbin’s yell echoes through the house. Wooyoung rolls his eyes and pulls back from Felix. 

“What the hell happened to you, huh?” Wooyoung asks. His gaze catches on Felix’s split lip, and his pupils shrink. He gently prompts Felix to turn around, and given the horror in his gasp, Felix figures that he’s spotted the wounds on his wings. “What the hell happened?” He says again, but in a low growl. 

“Hunters,” Felix whispers. “What are you doing here? Do they …” 

He glances pointedly to San and Yeosang, suddenly conscious of their presence. He pulls his wings low, as if they haven’t already spotted the feathers. Wooyoung gasps in horror. 

“I told you to wait in the car!”

“And all you told us was something happened to an Angel,” San says sharply. “Like hell you were walking to a stranger's door alone. ”

“I-” Wooyoung turns to Felix, his face the picture of panic. “Shit, Felix, I’m so sorry. I … I told my members a little bit after your maturation. Fuck, I never told them it was you-” 

“It’s okay,” Felix says quickly. He smiles at the two other ATEEZ members. “If they know about you, I trust them. I mean, I already trusted you, hyungs-”

“It’s okay, Yongbok-ah,” San grins. “Your wings are very pretty.” 

Felix winces instinctively. “S-sorry. Normally, they would love the compliment. The word pretty has just … it’s a bit of a trigger right now.” 

Wooyoung’s gaze darkens. 

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” Changbin interjects. 

“Seconded,” Chan raises a brow. 

“Thirded,” says Innie. 

“Let’s go inside, shall we?” Seungmin raises a brow. They all reconvene in the kitchen. 

“I told you about my friend?” Felix explains slowly. “It was Wooyoung. He caught me right before I went to a clinic about my back – before I knew what was going on. He probably saved my life.” 

“You’re …” Changbin points a shaky figner at Wooyoung. “You’re an angel!? I’ve … I’ve seen you shirtless!” 

Wooyoung’s smile turns sad. “Yeah, my parents had my wings removed before my maturation. It’s dangerous being an Angel with wings.” 

“Fuck,” Jeongin whispers. Chan sinks onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. 

“It’s not important,” Wooyoung shakes his head, his eyes sliding back to Felix. “Tell me what happened. Or … is it still too soon?” 

“You need to know,” Felix stands shakily to grab the pages from the dining room. “Here.”

Hyunjin pulls Felix against him the second the pages are out of his hand, slotting his chin over Felix’s shoulder as his wings preen and flutter. “I missed that feeling,” Hyunjin whispers in his ear. 

Felix is grateful, for once, for his blush, for the effect Hyunjin’s voice has; at least it distracts him from the dawning horror melting across Wooyoung’s face as he reads. 

“What do you mean, even though you weakened your instincts?” he asks when he gets to the second page. 

“Um,” Felix bites his lip. “I kind of met another Angel?” 

Wooyoung’s mouth twitches in a smile. “Cheating on me, Lix?” 

Hyunjin’s arms tighten around him. 

“His Dad was taken by the hunters. He’s had his own wing for six years, hasn’t been caught.” 

“An idol?” Wooyoung asks. 

“No,” Felix responds. He doesn’t elaborate, and Wooyoung doesn’t ask him to. “It was only a couple days after the hunters trailed me to the loft…” 

Felix takes the Houndswater stone and places it on the island as he explains when Yeong-su told him, from the properties of Houndswater to the bell, to the Hunter’s desire for blood and magic. Wooyoung’s face pales, and he wordlessly reaches out to take San’s hand in his own. 

“It’s why they found me at the loft, because I was flying,” Felix explains. “I tried to push away my instincts, kept my wings bound, everything, but it didn’t matter in the end. I remembered by maturation at the concert, and apparently it released a flare.” 

“Y-you remembered?” Wooyoung looks on the verge of tears. Felix nods. 

“I can’t believe you did that for me,” he whispers. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been through hell for the past two months,” is Wooyoung’s response. “I can’t believe you’re standing, or talking about this. If I was you, I’d be catatonic. I’d probably be on another continent, but then again…” 

His gaze shifts to Hyunjin, then to the other members. Felix blushes. 

“Exactly.” 

“Did your Hyung tell you he stole a car for you?” Wooyoung smirks. Chan splutters. Felix grins and winks. 

“Yeah, he’s kinda badass.” 

“Well, you’re kind of an idiot,” Wooyoung sighs, realigning the pages and pushing them as far away as possible, like the words written could seep into his skin if he’s too close. “Pushing away your instincts? Didn’t we try this before?” 

“He thought it might be different,” Felix says. “And this time, my members knew.” 

“It was awful,” Jisung says candidly. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Felix whines. 

“I am,” Jisung sticks his tongue out. “That’s why I’m being honest.” 

“Pushing your instincts down is dangerous, Felix,” Wooyoung sighs. “You can’t stunt your magic or your wings like that-”

“I know now,” Felix feels like a child being scolded for eating too much ice cream. “We, um, we kind of forced a break? Well, Chan-hyung did. We’re going to try to use the stone to figure out how strongly the instincts react, and see if I can learn to control them. Out here, if they do flare, it’s not as much of a problem.” 

“Not even the company knows where we are,” Chan admits. “How did you-”

“I told him,” Seungmin says. “I texted him right after Lix was taken, and I’ve been updating him, but over text it all has to be very vague. Once we got here, I was able to call him and tell him where we were.”

“Very smart,” Minho compliments. Seungmin grumbles unintelligibly, but he can’t quite bite back his growing smile. Minho looks back at the ATEEZ members. “Any rumors as to who was taken?” 

Wooyoung looks at San and Yeosang. It’s Yeosang who answers. 

“Now that you mention it, no.” 

“Good,” Minho nods. “If anyone asks, it was me.”

Hyunjin tightens his hold on Felix before Felix can try to protest too aggressively. Wooyoung raises his eyebrows but nods in understanding. 

“Smart. Get any eyes away from him.” 

“I don’t like it,” Felix growls. 

“Of course you don’t,” Wooyoung shrugs. “It goes against everything you are. It’s also a good idea. So, how can we help?”

“What do you have in mind?” Chan asks. 

“You want to train an Angel, right? It might help to have an actual Angel here,” Wooyoung explains. “I might not have my wings, but I haven’t lost my instincts,” he looks pointedly at Felix. “You’ve gotta start calling me before you make stupid decisions, Yongbok-ah.” 

Felix sticks his tongue out to cover up his shame. 

“I think what Woo is saying,” San says with a flick to Wooyoung’s head, “is that he has some practice when it comes to reigning in his instincts. You two can kind of sense each other, right? Maybe he’ll be able to offer some perspective.” 

“That,” Chan says, “is a wonderful idea.” 

“I feel like I got a lobotomy,” Changbin says; he’s perched on the edge of the counter, shaking his head like he’s trying to knock something lose. “You’re an Angel. How … how many more of you are there?” 

Wooyoung’s smile falls.

“You know what?” San jumps to his feet. “We brought beer. Seems like that might be useful right about now.” 

---

The three ATEEZ members refuse to take any of the beds, insisting that the pull out couch and loveseat are more than sufficient; as it is, they all don’t go to bed until well past two in the morning. Changbin seems caught between disbelief and feigned betrayal at the notion that his friend kept such a monumental secret from him, but he knows firsthand how ‘Angel’ is synonymous with ‘secret’. Felix stays curled happily between Hyunjin and Minho while Wooyoung absently strokes his feathers, and when his blinks grow longer and longer until he’s fully nodding off, Chan calls for bedtime, and Wooyoung suggests a ten AM wakeup call for instinct training 101. 

Which is how Felix finds himself sitting outside in the woods as morning begins to bleed towards noon.

“Okay,” Wooyoung sits on the grass across from Felix; though he has no wings, he seems just as keen to soak up the sunlight as Felix. “What triggers your instincts?” 

Felix laughs. “It feels like everything does.” He glances towards the cabin where the members, San, and Yeosang sit in a row, watching; Wooyoung insisted they begin the conversation alone so as to avoid the members’ reactions affecting Felix, but that doesn’t mean the members are willing to let Felix out of their sights. “Them, obviously.” 

“Obviously,” Wooyoung smirks. “And you and Hyunjin-ah… what’s that about?” 

Felix blushes, his wings fluttering open. 

“Stop, that’s hilarious,” Wooyoung laughs. 

“It was really bad at the beginning,” Felix groans. “Before we’d … talked. Even if someone said his name, my wings would react.” 

“And you’re together now.” Wooyoung doesn’t phrase it as a question. Maybe they are a bit obvious. 

“Yes,” Felix says. “When the Hunters took me, they used the bell. The only reason I got out of there was because Hyunjin put himself in danger.” 

“So your instincts really flare when it comes to protecting him,” Wooyoung nods. “What about sex?” 

Felix gasps, nearly tumbling over. “Hyung! What the fuck!” 

Wooyoung raises his hands in surrender. “Okay, got it! Sorry, I just assumed, because you’re so all over each other-” 

“We haven’t really had time,” Felix covers his burning face with his hands. “I will pay you so much money to change the subject.” 

“Okay, okay,” Wooyoung chuckles. “So, the members, your boyfriend – do both positive and negative emotions make your instincts flare?” 

Felix tilts his head towards the sun as he thinks. “I think it’s mostly negative. I wanted to tell them about the wings, but a few of them found out because they needed me at various points, and my instincts ran wild. I used my wings to calm Jisung down, I flew to catch Chan, you get it.” 

“But your instincts didn’t work when you were in danger,” Wooyoung points out. Felix can tell he’s hinting at something, but his tone is a little too similar to a Chan-lecture for Felix to bite. “Don’t give me that look, Yongbok. You deserve the same safety you want for your members.” 

Felix rolls his eyes. “You sound like the rest of them. I … I tried to access my instincts when the Hunters had me, but I just couldn’t. ” 

Something aches in Felix’s chest to admit it. 

Wooyoung frowns at Felix’s genuine frustration; maybe that’s why he doesn’t push too hard. “Alright, your Seungminnie gave me a list of triggers that he’s noticed – lots of emotions set you off? He underlined ‘guilt’ three times.” 

Felix glances at the paper Wooyoung offers him. His chest tightens with shame at being so transparently seen, but also with giddiness as Seungmin’s care. 

“Guilt, shame, failure, arguing,” Felix reads. “Yeah, this is all pretty accurate. Obviously, the biggest releases of magic have been my maturation, flying, and the times I’ve helped to save any of the members, but it’s the emotional flares that make me the most anxious,” he fiddles with a loose thread on his tank top. “I’m … I’m sensitive, you know? And it’s always bugged me, because I don’t want to be sensitive and emotional; now, though, it feels dangerous. That’s why I tried to … to numb myself, I guess. It felt like the only way to control my emotions.”

Wooyoung clearly disagrees with Felix’s methods, but he’s still nodding in understanding. “Okay, I think there are a few things we can test out – but first, when your instincts have flared, what’s gotten you back? No glowy eyes, no glaring daggers, just Felix?”

Hyunjin is leaning against one of the supporting posts of the patio. When Felix looks at him, he smiles and winks. 

“He always reminds me that I’m safe,” Felix whispers. “Sometimes he doesn’t need to say anything at all. I swear he knows when my instincts are going to act up before I do.” 

“Well, at least you have one trigger that can also be helpful,” Wooyoung taps his hand against the list of triggers. As the sun disappears behind a patch of clouds, Wooyoung reaches into his pocket, pulls out the Houndswater stone, and places it in the grass. It glows – not brightly, but a glow nonetheless. 

“Hyunjin-ah!” Wooyoung yells. “Come over here!”

Hyunjin points questioningly at himself, but he’s moving immediately. He looks like a God as he strides across the grass, his eyes sparkling at Felix in a way that makes his stomach flip. “Hey, Angel,” Hyunjin drags his fingers through Felix’s hair. 

The stone’s light blooms and pulses. Felix groans and flops onto his back, ignoring Seungmin’s yell of “Watch the wings, dumbass!”. 

“What’s up?” Hyunjin asks Wooyoung. 

“We need to test the range of this stone, and you’re the perfect instinct-trigger for your boyfriend.” 

“Stop, hyung,” Felix moans. “This is so embarrassing.” 

Hyunjin grins down at him. “Aw, Lix, I make your instincts flare?”

“You already knew that, asshole,” Felix grumbles. Wooyoung stands and hands the stone to Hyunjin. 

“Hyunjin-ah, I’m going to head back to the cabin so no other instincts run interference. You’re going to talk to your little Lixie and slowly walk backwards until it stops glowing, got it?” 

“Got it,” Hyunjin nods. “What should I talk to him about?” 

“I don’t really want to tell you how to flirt with your boyfriend.” 

Felix still has his face (pink, he knows it) covered with both hands, but he swears he can hear the wink Wooyoung shoots Hyunjin in his tone alone. 

“Lixie, you hiding your pretty blush from me?” 

And listen, there isn’t much flirting to be had post-kidnapping, at least not in the first handful of days; sweet words? Absolutely. Cuddling? So much of it that Felix feels cold on one side anytime Hyunjin leaves a room. But flirting? Not so much. 

He hears Hyunjin chuckle as he takes a step back.

“C’mon, Baby, let me see you, yeah? Bet you look so beautiful.” 

Felix’s wings flutter. 

Assholes, Felix thinks. As if in protest, the feathers puff in the sun. 

“And such beautiful wings to match?” 

Felix removes his hands to smooth the feathers. In doing so, he sees Hyunjin looking down at him, only a few paces away, stone in palm but eyes locked on his. His expression is soft, smile just a bit teasing. It coaxes a similar smile out of Felix before he can remember to pout. 

“You’re enjoying this,” Felix grumbles. 

“Enjoying complimenting the man I love?” Hyunjin says. Someone on the cabin patio whoops. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “Of course I do.”

Another step. And another. 

“Keep your eyes on me, Sweetheart.” 

Hyunjin says it lower, quieter, a hint of a growl. Felix feels heat pool low in his gut. His wings twitch. Hyunjin just grins. 

“Whatever you’re saying to him, stop it!” Minho yells. 

“Can’t wait to take you on a proper date, Lix,” Hyunjin continues, ignoring Felix. “Dress up all nicely for you, get you flowers, hold the door – I’ll be a real gentleman about it-” 

“Jinnie,” Felix whines; his cheeks feel hot enough to combust.

“God, that blush, Lix, you’re killing me- oh!” Hyunjin pauses, and his eyes stop flickering from Felix to his hand to lock on the stone. He turns back to the cabin. “It stopped glowing!” 

“Thank God,” Felix sighs to himself more than anyone else. He gently taps at his cheeks, willing the pink to bleed back to tan as the group on the patio runs over. 

“He’s, what, ten feet away from him?” Chan eyes the space between Hyunjin and Felix. 

“That’s closer than I’d expected,” Minho nods. 

Felix, despite his crippling embarrassment, sits up a bit straighter. Closer means that these kinds of instincts – the emotional ones, the ones that don’t accompany glowy eyes and volatile wings – aren’t going to be sensed from within the confines of his dorms, or a practice room. 

Closer means Felix can wrap himself around Hyunjin in either dorm and not worry that a Hunter of Agent is going to knock the door down. 

“Angel,” Hyunjin reaches a hand down.

Felix allows him to pull him upright, then aims a punch at his shoulder that is far too light to hurt. “What was that for?” 

“You’re the devil,” Felix grumbles. Hyunjin rolls his eyes, ruffles Felix’s hair, and swoops down to press a kiss on his cheek, just shy of his lips. 

“Okay, if you’re done being painfully in love, we need Yongbokkie airborne.” 

Felix feels his stomach flip, feels the way his wings perk up with hope. “I … I get to fly?” 

He hadn’t even realized how much he missed the sky, but the second the idea is in his head, it’s all he can focus on. 

“We’ve got to see how big of a flare flying causes one way or another,” Wooyoung shrugs, but his eyes are bright and shiny. Felix realizes that he might never have seen an Angel fly, not with his cousin gone before her maturation, and not when Wooyoung’s only chance was quite literally removed from him. 

“They don’t even hurt anymore,” Felix promises. It’s true, his wings have healed with remarkable speed, even if the rest of his body is still fragile. 

Minho doesn't look quite as pleased, and Seungmin murmurs something grumbly under his breath, but Wooyoung looks to Chan, who nods, and Felix beams, extending his wings gleefully.

“Just hover, Bbokie,” Minho warns. 

(He doesn’t; he shoots into the air with a laugh. Minho will forgive him.)

---

Seungmin, unsurprisingly, has taken the lead on recording their learnings about Felix’s instincts.

Hyunjin flirting with him makes the Houndswater stone glow at 10 feet. 

Flying – the joyful type of flying that slices clouds – lights it up at a whopping 30 feet minimum. 

Hovering, though, that’s only 15 feet. Enough to scratch the itch, enough that – within the dorms – Felix will go undetected. 

And Felix is feeling wonderfully about it all; confident, maybe cocky. Maybe that’s where he messes up.

---

The next day, Felix receives an honest-to-God schedule at breakfast. 

“Instinct training – is that just going to be more of yesterday?” Felix asks Wooyoung. 

“We’ll pair it with distraction techniques,” Wooyoung explains. Clearly, he spent some time brainstorming the best way to help Felix quiet the cacophony of his instincts. “We’ll see what works best for you and train you.” 

“I feel like a trainee again,” Felix mumbles. It’s not the happiest thought, because it highlights the deep well of insecurity he feels when it comes to his instincts – the separation between him, as a person, and the wings hanging on his back. He looks down at his schedule nonetheless. “And hide and seek is on here because …?” 

Wooyoung grins. “You’ll see. Come on, finish your food, you and Hyunjin have a date.” 

Instinct training goes like this: 

Felix sits across Hyunjin with the stone between them. 

Hyunjin flirts. Hyunjin winks at him. Hyunjin calls him beautiful, gorgeous, a menace. 

Felix pretends he can’t feel his own blush, nor the weight of the member’s teasing gazes. 

And Felix counts down from five hundred in intervals of three. 

When that isn’t enough, he mentally translates song lyrics from English to Korean, and then back again. 

He counts the number of leaves in the nearest tree. 

He tries to recall old choreography. 

Distract yourself from what you’re hearing, Wooyoung had said. 

He bites down on his lower lip, digs nails into his palms. 

“Aish, not that!” Hyunjin breaks away from his relentless flirting to gently pry open Felix’s fists. The touch of skin on skin shouldn’t be so sexy. 

It works, though. After two long, painful, red faced hours, Felix half-thinks Hyunjin could proposition him and Felix’s wings wouldn’t budge an inch, nor would the stone glow any brighter. 

Apparently, his success means he gets to play hide and seek. 

Which is how he ends up in the woods. 

“C’mon, Lixie, I know you’re out here,” Jisung sing-songs as he creeps closer. Felix presses his hand to the back of his mouth to stifle his giggles, his wings pulled back and low behind him and his free hand grasping at the bark of the large tree he’s hidden behind. 

He dares to peek around the side of the tree and sure enough, Jisung’s gaze flits from the forest around him to the Houndswater stone in his palm. Felix can’t quite tell, but he’s pretty sure it’s flat and grey, not gold. 

“You’re lucky it’s me and not one of the others,” Jisung says. “Or maybe you wish it was Hyunjin?” 

Felix bites down on his lip and tries to focus on the pain. So this is Jisung’s plan –milk his crush until Felix’s wings give him away. 

“You haven’t really had a second alone, have you?” Jisung coos; Felix can hear the grin in his words as the crunching of leaves and branches grows louder. 

Your instincts aren’t a different part of you, just like your wings aren’t sentient, independent creatures. You are in control. You just need to keep your focus. 

Felix blinks away thoughts of Hyunjin and focuses on the bark in front of him. It’s pocked with flecks of green. He starts to count them.

“Still haven’t found him?” Seungmin’s voice is dry and sarcastic when he jogs up to Jisung. 

“I’ve been looking for ten minutes!” Jisung scoffs. 

“Are you sure he’s over here?” Seungmin asks. 

“Pretty sure.” 

Felix never thought that training his instincts would involve a complex game of one-on-one hide and seek, but he has to admit that the idea is logical. They know the stone won’t glow until Felix is approximately 5 feet away from it, but that’s when he’s completely relaxed. While hide and seek is a far cry from being chased by Hunters or Bureau members, it’s exhilarating and fun. It’s even more fun given that Felix can win – Changbin’s idea – if he manages to sneak up on his seeker without them noticing.

“Trigger his instincts better,” Seungmin says. Jisung groans, and Felix hears the distinctive sounds of shoving and scuffling. 

“You do it, then!” 

“Fine, give me the stone,” Seungmin rises to the challenge like it was his goal all along. “Oh, Lix-ah, you’re fucked now! No more sweet-little-Jisung at the wheel!” 

He’s a psychopath, Felix thinks. 

“Did I ever tell you I walked in on your sweet little boyfriend watching porn?” 

What the fuck? 

“What the fuck?” Jisung chokes. Seungmin shushes him. 

100, 97, 94, 91- 

“Pretty hardcore stuff,” Seungmin sighs witheringly. “I guess it’s not all that surprising, is it? He’s always been a bit possessive, especially with you, and the shit I saw him watching?” 

88, 84 - wait, not 84, 85 - and what does Seungmin mean by hardcore- 

“Well, you’re kind of bratty, aren’t you, Lix-”

Felix feels the moment his instincts win – it’s with a ruffle of feathers, a victorious ‘yes!’ from Seungmin, and a blush that starts at his ears. 

“Hah!” Jisung bursts around the tree and points at Felix like he’s found treasure. “You horny little fucker!” 

“What the fuck was that, Minnie!” Felix whines. “That was low, even for you!” 

Jisung helps him to his feet looking giddy. “Your eyes aren’t gold, though, that’s good!” 

Felix looks at Seungmin; the stone in his palm pulses with light. 

“You managed to stay hidden for a while,” Seungmin ponders. He looks up at Felix, face passive, entirely unaffected. “Good job, Lix-” 

Felix tackles him to the ground. 

“What was all that!” Felix digs his hands into the meat of Seungmin shoulders. “Why the fuck would you tell me about my boyfriend’s porn habits!” 

Seungmin wriggles beneath him, his hands trying to snake to Felix’s (very ticklish sides). “Because it’s the nicest way to rile you up!” 

“Nice?” Felix scoffs. “What was nice about that?” 

Seungmin raises a brow. “Would you rather I talk about the car accident? Or the cut on his arm?” 

Felix growls, his wings opening with a hiss of feathers slicing through air. Seungmin watches them sharply. 

“Exactly,” he sounds half-apologetic, half-fascinated. He raises one of his hands to Felix’s wing and winces when his finger touches the feather. The sound of Seungmin in pain is enough to get Felix off of him.

“Are you okay?” Felix whimpers. “Shit, I’m sorry, was I too heavy-”

“No, no, Lix, don’t apologize,” Seungmin shushes him immediately. “I was literally goading you to see how your instincts would flare. I didn’t expect …” 

He looks down at his finger and Felix feels guilt ping-pong through his head. There's a drop of bright, scarlet blood beading across what Felix sees is a razor-thin cut. 

“Minnie,” Felix whimpers, but before the guilt can eddy into a full tornado, Seungmin grins. 

“Lix, do you know what this means?” 

Felix shakes his head. Seungmin sits up, Felix scrambling off of his body. 

“It means that you can fight back.”

---

Felix makes a very big deal about Seungmin’s cut; he knows it’s just a tiny nick, there’s barely any blood, but he still makes Seungmin sit on the kitchen counter while he disinfects the finger and wraps a bandage around it, sealing it with a kiss. 

“Wow, Lix, thank God for your life-saving medical prowess,” Seungmin says dryly. 

“When you said sharp , how sharp did you mean?” Changbin has a notebook in front of him. Felix cranes his neck to try to read the Hangul, but upside down, the shapes are meaningless. 

“Like, razor sharp ,” Seungmmin grins. 

“Do you think you could do it again?” Hyunjin asks, one hand in a bag of chips, the other tracing the lines of Felix’s now-soft feathers. 

“I don’t know,” Felix says. He closes his eyes, reaches for the feathers, feels the way they react like flowers towards a sun, but unlike flying, there’s no muscle he can detect. Instead, there’s that daunting something again, that insecurity, that lack of control. 

Changbin answers when Felix stays silent. “It might be like flying all over again – triggering the feathers and following the feeling after the fact.” 

“Triggering his instincts is easy, but getting him to fight for himself?” Minho taps his finger against the kitchen island, gaze dark and testing. “Well, he’s struggled with that.”

“In the loft, his wings went sharp when he thought Hyunjin was in danger,” Jeongin says.

Blood, skull-

Felix stiffens. The images. The horrible, horrible images of the members dying. 

He hasn’t had those since before he matured. 

“So Hyunjin was the trigger both times,” Seungmin points out.

Skull, bone–

“It’s a good thing they’ve both confessed already, or this would be embarrassingly transparent,” Changbin pretends his whisper is for Wooyoung’s ears only, but he doesn’t even try to lower his tone.

Their voices are like a distant current, unreachable. 

Every blink is a new flash of a nightmare. 

-pale, lifeless skin-

-hollow, unseeing eyes-

“So we just have to threaten Hyunjin?” Seungmin grins. “Sounds fun.” 

Chan stops him. “We’re not going to hurt Hyunjin-”

Open mouths, still bodies-

“-I feel the need to point out that flirting isn’t exactly the same stress level as being stalked by Hunters. Or Jinnie being in a car crash,” Jeongin pipes up. 

Oh, that metal pole, impaled on Felix’s dance bad, Minho slipping on the water-

500, 597, 594-

“I could go to the roof?” Hyunjin suggests. 

“No!” Felix gasps. 

The ensuing silence is deafening, cold – one by one, the inhabitants of the cabin seem to take in Felix’s expression. 

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin gasps. 

“Can’t think about it,” Felix whispers. Blood, skull, bone- “We’re not doing it.” 

“Shit,” Wooyoung stands. “Lix, it’ll be okay-” 

“Lixie,” Hyunjin massages just above the base of his wings until Felix will look at him. “Don’t you want to learn to defend yourself?” 

Blood, bone, blank eyes- 

No one moves, but Felix swears he hears the clanking on a chain. 

“Of course I do!” 

Felix doesn’t mean to yell, but the volume cracks through the kitchen like a whip. The first aid kit Jisung’s holding slips through his fingers. Hyunjin’s hand falls away from his back. The guilt is belated, second to the anger. “You don’t think I wonder how things might have been different if I could use my wings as weapons? That I wish I could have fought back?” 

“That’s not -” Hyunjin’s face cracks. “Baby, no one thinks that-” 

Felix storms away from the kitchen, paces back and forth in front of the back door. 

“My wings don’t work for me!” He finally hisses. Chan stiffens. Minho closes his eyes, something bitter pulling his lips into a grimace. “I can fly, yeah, but time doesn’t slow down for me. It never … it never helped me, when I was alone. I can’t control this, they don’t work until you’re in danger, and those moments are the worst moments of my life!” 

Felix begs the crescendo of anger to slow down. He doesn’t even know who he’s angry at right now – it’s not the members, not really, and it should be the hunters, but the burning heat in his gut is familiar. 

Felix is mad at himself. 

“What good am I if I can’t control this, huh?” He practically spits. “Please don’t make me stand here, listen to all the ways you could be hurt while I’m not sure if my wings will be able to help. Please, I … please don’t make me think about it.” 

A tear – hot as the anger – drips down his cheek. Maybe it’s that sign of emotion that gets Minho moving, because a moment later, he’s on his feet, but all Felix can think of is –

I can’t just sit here and watch him die! 

“I need a minute,” Felix whispers. 

He storms out of the cabin 

And then he’s in the sky. 

Felix doesn’t fly far. He doesn’t want to worry them, and he makes a slow, obvious swoop down to one of the larger trees near the house. He spots a branch that reminds him so much of the tree at the loft – the tree he’d once perched in, back prickling, maturation dawning, Hyunjin a mere fantasy – and easily drops himself onto it. 

And then he buries his face into his arms and screams. 

His wings hug him tightly, and the tears that had pricked his eyes return in full force. He tenderly strokes at the feathers. 

“I’m sorry,” he tells them. “It’s not your fault. You’re great at protecting them.” 

He sighs, leans his head back against the trunk. The late-noon sun illuminates the canopy leaves, a beautiful contrast of glowing green and cerulean blue. 

“I’m the one who can’t figure out how to use you,” he whispers. 

Felix wants control. Always has. Control over his footwork? Well, he easily recalls dancing himself sweaty and dizzy at fourteen until his Mom yelled at him to go to sleep. Control over his singing? Rapping? Felix swears there were times when the studio walls blurred into a haze of grey padding and smudged glass. His body? They all remembered that, the way Felix’s stomach occasionally churns with desperate, nostalgia-ridden detestation. 

But emotions? Instincts? Self-preservation? 

He’s always known that his emotions burn bright and fast and endless. He’s never been able to stop the endless flares of feeling, so instead he learned to let those emotions fuel him like a never ending pool of energy. Fear as a motivator. Guilt as a motivator. 

And love, above all else, as an endless, bottomless motivator. 

He can count down from five-hundred all he wants. 

That won’t help him turn his feathers into knives. It won’t help him stop time when it’s just him.

“Why won’t you save me, ” he asks his wings. 

Why won’t I save myself? He thinks as soon as the question leaves his mouth. 

Felix closes his eyes, and unbidden to him, the memories flood in. The hot stains of blood on his back when he started maturing; that similar heat on his feathers in the van. The numbness of their mini-tour, the ache of his wings beneath their bindings. Every bruise – from the mostly-faded hickey to the rings around his wrists from the handcuffs – feels like a pulsing threat. 

And then he thinks of Wooyoung, of Yeong-su, of the dozens – maybe even hundreds – of other Angels that might be hiding in Seoul. Is there another trainee, hunched and terrified in the company bathroom, considering when they should give up and go to the clinic about redness on their back? Is there another idol trying to bite down their maturation the same way they’re probably biting down daily pain across their shoulders. 

Felix’s wings seem to sigh in defeat, mimicking Felix’s thoughts. 

Your wings are still a part of your body. It’s like dancing – you have to know where to feel the movement in your body in order to control it. 

“Control’s getting me nowhere,” Felix thinks. 

Blood, bone skull-

Felix wants to tear at his skin until the memories fade, until the images are replaced with physical sensation. 

Your wings are still a part of your body. 

And maybe that’s the thing. Felix doesn’t end where his wings begin, does he? 

He closes his eyes. He lets the sun heat him from the crown of his head down to his toes. For a frozen moment, not syrupy slow but clear like water, Felix remembers every second with his wings. He remembers the way they fought into existence, the way they clumsily swatted and twitched, out of his control. He remembers the way they’ve wrapped around every single member, the way they catch air and manipulate wind, the way he tried desperately to sever that connection. 

And a second later, he feels warm, perfect heat at the center of his back. He feels every fiber, every feather, every tendon and hollow bone. 

“I don’t need to control them,” Felix whispers, not to his wings, but to himself. “You are me.” 

He does the one thing he hasn’t tried; the one thing he’s fought against since he can remember. 

Felix gives up control. 

---

Felix slinks back into the cabin thirty minutes later. 

His members do a truly shit job of pretending they’ve been casually relaxing in his absence. 

“Lix,” Hyunjin breathes his way to standing. 

“Baby, we’re so sorry,” Chan adds. “We weren’t thinking about how it all sounded-” 

Felix ignores Chan, reaches to the fruit basket on the island, and tosses an apple at Seungmin, who barely catches from where he’s perched on a stool. 

“Throw it at me,” Felix says. He sounds exhausted, he hears it in his voice, and the newfound line of nerve endings prickles along his wings. 

“What?” Seungmin shakes his head as if he can divine clarity with the gesture. 

Felix nods at the apple. “Throw it at me.” 

“Lix, I’m not gonna throw an apple at you-”

“Fuck, Minnie, listen to what I’m saying. Throw the damn apple at me or I swear to God I will fly you into the clouds and drop you!” 

Seungmin makes a shocked noise at the back of his throat. He looks at Chan-

“No, listen to the person with fucking wings- ”

“Jesus!” Seungmin gasps, but then he winds his arm back, aiming in a way that must be so practiced after all that time on a baseball diamond. 

My blood, my bone–

Lack of control, like opening a shaken soda bottle just a centimeter; he practiced for what felt like hours, and there’s a line of nerves across his wings that seems to light up; not quite flashbacks, but familiar sensation. Fear bookended by love. Terror nestled between caring and protectiveness. Like dancing. Baby steps. 

Time doesn’t stop, but it feels like it slows as Felix’s wings hiss open, each feather slick and rigid as they spread. There’s no muscle to flex, no specific tensing needed, just the shifting of focus from his hands, his eyes, his beating heart, to his feathers. 

He slashes his right forward, shifts his horizontally like a shield. 

The apple is bisected right down the middle. 

Felix grins. 

---

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Felix says.

They’re outside eating dinner. Felix finds that he’s famished after a full day of training with a meltdown as the cherry on top.

“I didn’t realize that triggering my instincts would, uh, trigger me so much.” 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Hyunjin says. 

“Yeah, we pushed you a little hard,” Jeongin admits. 

“I needed it,” Felix sighs. “Controlling my instincts was one thing, but I think I was trying to control too much. Not thinking about everything that’s happened, not thinking about how you could get hurt, it all built up.”

“So how’d you do it?” Seungmin asks. Felix smirks. 

“I gave up control. It was a little iffy at first – terrifying, really – but I guess maybe I hadn’t realized that my wings, my instincts, whatever magic I have, is all me?” 

“You’ve been thinking of your wings as separate from you,” Hyunjin translates. Felix nods gratefully. 

“Exactly. I viewed it as not having control over something that was happening to me.” 

“And now you’re a human fruit ninja,” Changbin can’t help but tease. Felix’s heart blooms at the casual jab. 

“I could probably part time at a salon, too,” he raises a wing towards Changbin’s hair threateningly. 

“We do this at your pace, you know,” Chan says suddenly. He’s looking at Felix with grief shining in his eyes. “I know that’s not the most helpful, and I know there’s a lot being thrown at you, but still…” 

“I know, Hyung,” Felix says. 

“Do you?” Minho asks, but not unkindly, no leading. Genuinely worried. 

“Yeah,” Felix nods. “I … I don’t know how the rest of ‘training’ is gonna go, but I’m ready to find out.” 

---

The next few days bleed together, but in a way that feels good. It reminds Felix of rehearsal, of practice – he wakes up and tests his instincts, pushes himself to focus on meaningless mental exercises that can distract him from his feelings. 

Hide and seek turns wild and giggly, going from one member to several where Felix doesn’t know who has the stone, and has to hold back his adrenaline as long as possible. They add rules and stipulations to increase the difficulty: sometimes they play in the house, where Felix’s hiding spots are far more limited, and sometimes they play a bastardized kind of manhunt, where Felix has to creep up on the members without them noticing. 

When he’s not honing his instincts, he’s testing the reflexes of his wings. It’s like something is unlocked within him – the wings are his to control, to move, to sharpen or soften. Every passing minute, he feels that bond getting stronger and stronger. He doesn't have to think so much about extending them or contracting them, the movement just happens. 

They try to enjoy their time as much as possible. Felix can’t train all day, and just hanging out is a blessing none of them expected to be given. 

There’s just one problem. 

Felix is officially at his limit. He has been subjected to a unique form of torture, emotional edging if he had to describe it. 

He and Hyunjin have their own room. He and Hyunjin have their own room, away from Seoul, with zero schedules and zero wake up times. 

And Hyunjin is too anxious about Felix’s wellbeing to do more than kiss him chastely. 

“He’s purposely teasing me,” Felix has dragged Jisung from his spot in front of the TV and into his and Minho’s bedroom. “He knows what he’s doing and I’m going to kill him.”

“No you’re not,” Jisung contradicts. 

“Of course I’m not,” Felix rolls his eyes dramatically. “But if he doesn’t fuck me, I might kill myself. ” 

“Are you sure he’s teasing you?” Jisung asks. “Maybe you’re just a horny gremlin reading into things.” 

Felix chucks a pillow at Jisung’s face. Because there is no way Hyunjin is just accidentally teasing Felix. 

Just two days ago, he’d been making himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. Hyunjin had walked in, taken one look at Felix, and the next thing Felix knew, he was in the air, legs instinctively wrapping around Hyunjin’s waist despite his shock. 

“What the hell, Hyune!” He’d gasped. Hyunjin had simply glared at him, and it had been such a shock to be at the exact same height as that perfect mole, those perfect eyes, those perfect lips-

“You’re staring, Bbokie,” Minho had sighed in passing. Felix had groaned and hidden his face in Hyunjin’s neck, and a moment later Hyunjin was laying him on the couch. 

“What was that for? I was making tea!” 

“I told you to tell me if you needed anything,” Hyunjin points a stern finger at him, bopping it against the tip of Felix’s nose. “You didn’t listen, did you, baby? That wasn’t very good of you, hmm?” 

“S-sorry,” Felix had whispered. Red. So, so red, and so, so hard. 

And then Hyunjin had smiled, sweet and helpful and so the opposite of how he’d looked a moment ago. “Aw, don’t worry Angel. Jasmine, right? I’ll make it for you.” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Felix had answered on instinct.

Minho tripped somewhere in the dining room. Hyunjin did too, but when he looked back at Felix, he seemed irritatingly composed. 

“Don’t mention it, Lix.” 

The next day, Felix, Hyunjin, Chan, and Changbin had been playing a rather useless game of pool. Well, Felix was trying to play pool, but the effect was largely overpowered by the other’s cloying concern. 

“Baby, please, you should bend over like that,” Hyunjin said for what felt like the hundredth time. 

Felix, gremlin he was, had immediately thought: Maybe you should bend me over anyways. 

Instead he’d sighed, flipped his hair behind his head, and cocked his hip. He rarely glared at anyone, rarely pouted his lips in annoyance, but it felt right and just a little slutty. 

“Maybe you should find someone else to boss around,” Felix had tutted. He saw the moment Hyunjin’s gaze went from concerned to molten hot – with annoyance or attraction, Felix couldn’t tell.

“Ah, Lix, don’t be short with Jinnie just because he’s worried about you,” Chan scolded. Felix hadn’t paid him a sparing glance. 

Changbin, standing behind both Chan and Hyunjin, had simply fanned himself with his hand rather dramatically.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Hyunjin drawled. “Don’t be a brat. ” 

That shut Felix right up. When Hyunjin passed behind him to take his own shot, he dropped a featherlight kiss onto the back of his head. 

Felix also swore he pressed himself against Felix in a way that was accidental. 

Half of Felix’s instinct training seems to rely on Hyunjin flirting with him. 

Everywhere Felix went, there was Hyunjin, and that was perfect. It just happened to be that, every once in a while, the Hyunjin looked back at him with dark eyed and smirking, and that more than every once in a while, Felix was desperately, painfully horny. 

“So yeah,” Felix finishes explaining the key examples he can recall to Jisung, pillow firmly in his lap. Jisung’s jaw is on the floor. 

“Holy shit, he did all of that?” Jisung gasps. Felix nods, desperately willing himself not to get hard. “Wow, that’s … that’s honestly so fucking hot. I have no idea what you’re doing here, telling me about it.”

“What?” Felix laughs. Jisung’s eyes flicker to Felix’s lap. 

“First, please tell me you’re not rock hard right now-” 

“No, Jesus, Ji, my shorts are just really short!” Felix splutters. 

“Okay, believe me, I noticed, which means Hyunjin definitely noticed.” 

“Then why isn’t he doing anything about it!” Felix whines. Jisung pouts. 

“Lix-ah, you almost died – or at least it looked like you were about to when we got you. He’s probably worried about doing anything physical before you’re healed enough. Plus, you’ve been kind of … touchy with all of the instinct stuff. He’s probably not sure if you’re ready.” 

“I am though!” Felix says. “I feel amazing, my wings don’t even hurt that badly, and I just –”

Felix waves his hands in the air, faceplants on the bed, and screams. 

“Wow, you’ve got it bad, huh?” Jisung sounds very much like he’s trying to keep himself from laughing, but his tone betrays him. “Lixie, my sunshine twin, my tiny baby angel – if you want Hyunjin to fuck you til you can’t walk, I will tell you a foolproof, never failed me trick, but you have to promise not to make fun of me.” 

Felix lifts his head, pout on full display, and blinks in surprise at the genuine blush on Jisung’s cheeks. “Okay, I’m listening.” 

---

Felix is so embarrassed. He’s so embarrassed and red and nervous – but more than all of that, he’s never been quite this turned on. 

True to his word, Felix did not laugh at Jisung for the tip; if anything, he’d been struggling to keep the blush out of his cheeks. 

So here he is, sunset rapidly approaching, flat on his back in one of Jisung’s crop tops, tiny shorts pushed low, and a lubed hand slowly stroking himself. Jisung had promised he would get the members out of the house one way or another – Changbin, Chan, and the ATEEZ boys were already getting dinner, and Seungmin and Jeongin had been bouncing with energy that morning. Minho would go anywhere Jisung would, no questions asked. 

It’s just Felix and an unsuspecting Hyunjin in the house.

Felix lets his eyes flutter shut and bucks up into his own fist. He can’t even pretend his hand is Hyunjin’s, not when he knows Hyunjin’s fingers are so, so long. If he’s lucky, he'll get to feel those artist fingers inside of him, opening him up, stretching him. 

“ Fuck, ” Felix moans at the thought. 

He wonders if he’s being obvious enough yet. 

Just then, the door opens. Felix forces himself not to move, though he does shift his thighs to cover himself a bit. He wants Hyunjin to have to work for it again. 

Hyunjin strides into the room with a dark gaze and a firm-set mouth. Felix shivers beneath the weight of that gaze. 

“What are you doing, Felix?” Hyunjin asks lowly. Felix takes a shaky breath. 

“Wh-what you weren’t doing,” he says, just a touch of brat in his words. Hyunjin raises a brow, his Adam’s apple bobbing once. 

“Oh, what I wasn’t doing?” he counters. “Tell me, Lixie, what exactly wasn’t I doing?” 

Felix feels his blush spreading down his neck, towards his chest. “Touching me,” he finally whispers. 

“That’s funny, I don’t recall you asking me to touch you,” Hyunjin cocks his head. His expression is still stormy, authoritative; Felix prays it’s dominance rearing its head and not irritation. 

“Didn’t think I’d have to ask,” Felix whines. He twists his fist a bit, and the contact makes him whimper. “You flirt with half the day, tease me the rest, but you never touch me, so I guess I have to do it myself–”

“Fine,” Hyunjin shrugs. He drags the small armchair towards the foot of the bed, takes a seat, and rests his forearms on his knees. 

“Wh-what?” Felix asks. Fuck, this was a stupid idea. He’s gonna kill Jisung.

“If you want to be a brat, you can do it yourself,” Hyunjin scoffs. But he widens his legs just a bit and–

Oh. Felix’s gaze narrows in on the bulge growing in his sweatpants. Hyunjin raises a teasing brow at Felix’s unabashed staring and snorts. 

“Go ahead, sweetheart, you want to get off, don’t let me stop you.”

“What?” Felix asks again. Hyunjin’s lips twist into a grin. 

“Make yourself feel good. If you can’t use your words to tell Hyung what you want, I’ll just watch you.” 

Felix huffs in frustration. This isn’t what he wants at all. He wants Hyunjin to press him into the mattress and fuck him brainless. He wants to see the moment where Hyunjin snaps , loses himself to that possessiveness he’d glimpsed at the afterparty. 

He glances back at the bulge in Hyunjin’s pants. 

Maybe there’s still composure left to snap. 

“Fine,” Felix tosses his hair to the side, leans back. This time, he spreads his legs, tosses his head back in a way he knows accentuates the lines of his neck. He hears Hyunjin’s intake of breath, hears the chair creak beneath him. Felix strokes himself again, brushes a thumb across his slit and feels just how much precum he’s leaking. The next stroke makes his back arch, and his free hand drags tantalizingly up his abs until he can pinch at his nipple. 

“Shit, look at you,” Hyunjin breathes. Felix flutters his lashes before he looks at Hyunjin, leaning forward even more, seemingly enraptured at the sight of Felix pleasuring himself. “Not gonna finger yourself, baby?” 

The pet name washes away some of the brattiness, and in its place is a desperate need to be good, be wanted. 

“No point,” Felix whimpers, his hand moving more quickly now. “Can’t reach.” 

Hyunjin silences him with a dark stare, rising to move beside the bed. 

“Poor Lixie, huh?” Hyunjin coos. He brushes Felix’s hair behind his ear, then trails his fingers down to Felix’s lips. Felix can’t stop staring at him, staring at the way Hyunjin seems to be drinking him in with his eyes alone. He feels fingers prod at his lip, and he instinctively opens his mouth. Hyunjin’s breath hitches, his lips parting, and then he’s pushing his fingers past his lips, pressing his index and middle against his tongue. Felix wraps his lips around Hyunjin’s fingers as his own stutter in their strokes. “Fuck,” Hyunjin repeats with a stunned breath. “You want it so much, huh?” 

Felix whimpers. Hyunjin glances back down at Felix’s cock. “Did I say you could stop?”

He whimpers but strokes himself again. He’s close – far too close than is appropriate – and Hyunjin seems to innately know that fact. He smirks, pushing his fingers deeper, and the battle against his gag reflex brings tears to his eyes. 

“You wanted to cum so badly, but now you’re not listening?” Hyunjin taunts. “What, Lixie can’t get off because he’s so desperate for someone else to touch him?”

Felix shakes his head, and Hyunjin smiles. “That’s right, not someone else. Hyung, right? You need Hyung to touch you? Need Hyung to make you cum?” 

Felix moans and bucks into his fist. He feels small, pathetic, hot and desperate beneath a fully clothed, smirking Hyunjin. 

“Please,” Felix whimpers, but with Hyunjin’s fingers in his mouth, it comes out muffled. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin’s fingers are no longer in his mouth, but on the edge of the crop top. It’s off of his body in an instant, leaving Felix in nothing but the tiny shorts

“What about you?” Felix nods at Hyunjin’s shirt and pants. Hyunjin licks his lips. 

“I wanna see you, baby; want to make you feel good, first.” 

Another treacherous stab of heat flies to Felix’s cock. He’s heady with want: a torturous mix of embarrassment and need and love and a reckless lack of dignity. He wants Hyunjin to wreck him, to ruin him, to make love to him but also to fuck him. 

“God, you’re so pink,” Hyunjin coos, running his hands down Felix’s chest, just shy of scratching but enough to make Felix shiver. He thumbs over the buds of his nipples and Felix watches the tent in his brief twitch. “So responsive. So good for hyung, yeah?” 

“Yes,” Felix whimpers. Hyunjin raises a brow, pinches his nipples a little harder. 

“Yes, what? Come on baby, don’t go cockdumb on me yet-” 

“Yes, hyung,” Felix moans. Cockdumb. He can’t decide if he should be embarrassed for how he feels at the term, or if he just wants Hyunjin to make good on the promise. Hyunjin eyes him keenly, appraisingly, and Felix feels like he should hate how not affected Hyunjin looks while he’s writing on the bed like he’s in heat. 

(He doesn’t hate it. Shit, why doesn’t he hate it.) 

“Can I take these off, baby?” Hyunjin asks, his thumb running along the elastic of his underwear. Felix nods, and Hyunjin shakes his head with a small smile. “Words, sweetheart, I need your words.” 

“Yes, hyung,” Felix says. 

“Good boy,” Hyunjin praises. The praise sends tingles across his body. 

Hyunjin hooks his thumbs in his underwear, pulls them slowly, tantalizingly, over his hips, down his thighs. Felix’s cock is achingly hard, and it springs up to bounce against his abs, a pearly strand of precum already pooling by his belly button. Hyunjin tosses his underwear over his shoulder as his eyes rake over Felix’s body. 

“Fuck, Lixie,” Hyunjin breathes. “You look so beautiful, Angel.” 

Baby, sweetheart, Lixie, Angel. Felix’s head is spinning. It only gets worse when Hyunjin leans over to kiss him. Felix whimpers against his mouth, but the warm press of those perfect lips disappears a moment later, travelling down his neck, his shoulders. 

“You ever get in trouble for the hickey?” Hyunjin murmurs against his skin. Felix realizes that the ghost of a mark is still present on his neck; it’s nice to have a bruise he actually wants.  

“No,” Felix whimpers. “Probably should have. Like it too much, though.” 

Hyunjin chuckles, low and dark and somehow like cinnamon. “So sweet for me, aren’t you? I’ll give you some pretty marks, would you like that?” 

“Mmm, yes please, hyung.” 

“Fuck, you’re dangerous,” Hyunjin groans. And then he’s sucking mark after mark against Felix’s chest, down his torso, licking across his abs until Felix can feel hot breath against his hip bones. He moves to his thighs, teeth grazing so close to painful but never getting there, and Felix needs to cum, hips bucking just so into the air-

“Patience, Angel,” Hyunjin chuckles, splaying his hand on Felix's lower belly. The sight shouldn’t be so arousing, but Hyunjin’s hands have always astounded him – all long fingers and tendons. They make him feel small and delicate. 

“Thought hyung was going to take care of me,” Felix says. Hyunjin’s eyes darken. 

“Oh, didn’t realize you were going to be bratty for me.” 

Felix shudders. Hyunjin wraps a hand around his cock, not nearly the stimulation he wants, but pleasure inducing all the same.

“Hmm? C’mon, sweetheart, you wanna tell me what to do? Maybe I should just sit back down and get myself off, leave you like this–” the hand wrapped around him moves once, twice- “–like the needy slut you are.” 

He swipes over the head with a thumb. 

It’s the whiplash insult ( sweetheart, slut ) combined with the touch ( firm, possessive ) that makes Felix moan and buck his hips, cum spurting without any warning across his stomach. Hyunjin gasps, then groans, adding a belated stroke towards the end of Felix’s orgasm 

“You like that?” Hyunjina sks, a bit genuinely and a lot in awe. “You like being a little slut for me?” 

“Yeah,” Felix pants. 

“Like it so much you barely needed me to touch you?” 

“Yeah,” Felix pants again. Hyunjin tightens his fist around Felix’s softening cock with a pointed glare. “Hyung – yes, hyung,” Felix hastens to add. 

“A pretty slut like you just needs to get filled, huh?” Hyunjin’s fingers trail to his knees, where he gently but firmly parts Felix’s legs. “I think you can give me at least one more, can’t you?”

“Yes, hyung,” Felix whimpers. His head feels fuzzy is the most perfect way. “I can be good.”

“The best, sweetheart,” Hyunjin croons. “Spread your legs for me, baby.”

And Felix does just that, even though he’s trembling with anticipation. He can’t decide if he’s embarrassed at the fact that he’s already getting hard again, but he hides his head anyways, feeling vulnerable and small beneath a fully-clothed Hyunjin.

“Relax, Felix,” Hyunjin whispers. “It’s just me.” 

“Yeah,” Felix laughs. “Just you? You’re everything.” 

“How can you still be so sweet, even like this?” Hyunjin says, opening the bottle and squirting a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. 

“I’m not always sweet,” Felix challenges. Hyunjin raises a brow, grins. 

“Aw, baby, that’s so cute .” 

The obvious taunt makes Felix's hips buck again. Hyunjin’s grin deepens knowingly, and he pushes Felix back down on the bed. 

“Hyung, please,” Felix whines. Hyunjin chuckles and presses their lips together. 

“Be a good boy,” Hyunjin whispers. 

And then there’s a finger at his rim, and Felix gasps. Hyunjin runs his finger around the skin there, seemingly cataloguing every breath hitched and whimper stifled, before he’s pushing into the tight heat. 

“Relax, Lixie,” Hyunjin says, a bit more softly. “You’re doing so good, so good for me.” 

Hyunjin presses in, deeper and deeper –

His finger presses against his prostate, and Felix can’t hold back the sounds anymore. 

Hyunjin grins. “Found it, I’m guessing?” 

“F-fuck,” Felix twitches. Hyunjin bites his lip, and his finger moves with more purpose. 

“But you’ve played with yourself, haven’t you? Used toys.” 

“Jinnie-” 

Hyunjin crooks his fingers and Felix jolts, a startled moan punched right out of him. 

“It’s Hyung, Angel, don’t you remember?” He teases, as if he didn’t just make Felix see stars then act like it was a punishment. “Answer the question, sweetheart.” 

“Yes, yes,” Felix whimpers. “Yes, hyung.” 

“Can you take a second?” 

Hyunjin adds another finger, then a third when Felix is properly writhing. 

“Please, hyung, please, please–”

Hyunjin just smirks and continues pumping his fingers languidly into Felix. “Want to make sure you can take my cock, Angel,” he coos. Then his voice drops a bit, loses some of its condescension. “We don’t have to do anything more, you know, could just make you fall apart on my fingers-” 

“Please, hyung,” Felix gasps, hands scrambling across Hyunjin’s back, raking the skin desperately. “Please fuck me, need you to fuck me-” 

“Jesus Christ, what a mouth,” Hyunjin whimpers. “Of course, baby, I’ll fuck you.” 

And then his hands are gone, and Felix whines, shivering and tense and desperate. He can only blink up at Hyunjin. Hyunjin, who doesn’t break eye contact for a second, but unbuttons his shirt slowly. Felix watches, mouth dry, as inch after inch of skin is revealed to him. Sweaty and glistening, hardened with lean muscle like the dancer he is. Hyunjin grins as Felix follows the trail of his fingers down his shirt, then to his belt. 

“Can I?” Felix whispers. Hyunjin raises a brow, his breath stuttering. 

“Of course,” he says. Felix sits up, tosses his hair away from his eyes, and bites his lip as his fingers slowly undo the buckle. The whole time, he keeps his eyes on Hyunjin, delighting at the way his breath quickens and his Adam’s apple bobs. As soon as the belt is undone and tossed away, he goes to the button, to the zipper; unlike Hyunjin, he is not slow and teasing. No, Felix is desperate and pink all the way down to his belly button, and if he doesn’t get Hyunjin’s cock inside of him he’s gonna–

“Easy, Angel,” Hyunjin grabs his wrists in one hand and tugs them above Felix’s head. Felix gasps, blinks up with glassy eyes. “Go slow.” 

Felix swallows roughly but nods. Hyunjin releases his hands and Felix forces himself not to pounce. Instead, he gently tugs the affronting pants and briefs. Hyunjin’s cock is every bit as pretty as he remembered – thick, veiny, big – and his mouth waters. He doesn’t ask, just kitten-licks at the head. 

“Thought you wanted me to fuck you,” Hyunjin whispers. His eyes are dark, his pulse racing in his neck. 

“How do you want me?” Felix asks. He sees the effect his words – his deference, his submission, his neediness – has on Hyunjin by the twitch of his cock. Hyunjin smiles. 

“So sweet for me. Lay on your back, Angel, I want to see what you look like when you take my cock for the first time.” 

Felix has never laid down so fast. Hyunjin doesn’t bother trying to stifle his laugh, instead hooking his hands around Felix’s thighs and pulling until he’s on the very edge of the bed. Felix is so keely aware of the proximity between his hole and Hyunjin’s cock, even more so when Hyunjin squirts an obscene amount of lube directly between his legs. Felix shivers, on edge and oversensitized and writhing–

“Stop,” Hyunjin growls. He presses a flat palm on top of Felix’s lower stomach, his thumb centimeters away from Felix’s leaking cock. Felix wants to buck his hips just a bit, anything to get a bit of friction, but he’s good, the brat in him withering away in the face of his desperation, so he stills. 

“Good,” Hyunjin breathes. His gaze on Felix is like a physical beam of sunlight – hot and powerful – across his body. He smiles again, but it’s not the snarky smirk; it’s soft, gentle. “You’re so beautiful, Felix.” 

“You too,” Felix breathes back. 

And then Hyunjin is pushing in, so Felix naturally forgets how to breathe. There’s just Hyunjin and full and so, so big-

“Fuck, Angel, if you keep talking like that,” Hyunjin grunts, and wow, Felix must be cockdumb already because he didn’t even realize he said that outloud. He takes a shuddering breath, blinks up at Hyunjin, who is heavy lidded, every muscle tense, sweat already slick on his skin. 

“Please,” Felix whispers. “Please, please-” 

He doesn’t know what he’s begging for – more? A minute to breathe? Permission to cum again, because how the hell is he already close again? 

“I’ve got you, Sweetheart,” Hyunjin croons. His fingers dance across Felix’s thighs, leverage to pull Felix closer if he wants. “Just take it, baby, I’ve got you.” 

“Fuck,” Felix moans. Hyunjin saying just take it shouldn’t be so overwhelmingly hot. 

Hyunjin pushes further into his, and Felix swears his vision pulses gold. It’s so much, and yet not enough; Felix feels every centimeter as Hyunjin fills him, every perfect, just-sigh-of-a-sting stretch. 

But Felix is greedy. 

He wants Hyunjin to snap. 

“You’re so big,” Felix whispers again. Hyunjin moans, head thrown back, and instinctively bucks his hip. “Gonna ruin me for everyone else.” 

That does it. Hyunjin’s eyes flash blash with want, with that possessiveness. His fingers clench, digging into the soft flesh of his thighs. 

“No one else, Lix,” he growls. 

“Hmm?” Felix hums, clenching as best he can around Hyunjin’s length. Hyunjin hisses, eyes flickering back in his head. Felix watches a bead of sweat drip down the long, perfect column of his neck, down towards his chest. 

“You trying to be a brat, baby?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Want you in me,” Felix whines. 

“I was trying to be gentle,” Hyunjin chuckles breathily. “Didn’t wanna hurt you.” 

Felix feels himself go pink. Hyunjin swears low under his breath. “Oh, is that? You want to hurt a little?” 

Felix tries to hide his face. Immediately, there’s a hand to his jaw, forcing his gaze back. “Nuh-uh, no hiding. Is my little Lixie a secret painslut?” 

“Maybe,” Felix whispers. Hyunjin exhales softly. There’s a brief moment where the dark hunger flickers. 

“You tell me to stop, we stop,” he says, and it’s just Hyunjin speaking; soft, concerned, loving. “You tell me pause, we pause. Got it?” 

Felix nods eagerly. Hyunjin grins. “Words, Baby.” 

“Yes, Hyunjin.” He says. And then, biting his lip, fluttering his lashes. “Yes, Hyung. ” 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin groans. 

He grips Felix’s thighs, pulls back, and thrusts into him. 

“Oh my God,” Felix moans. Loud, wonton. He’s dimly aware of Hyunjin’s moan, but only just – his vision is all stars, his hearing muffled, all senses numbed from the influx of raw, pure pleasure. “My God, please, again-” 

Hyunjin thrusts into him again. “You don’t have to call me God, baby.” 

He’s so hot like this – cocky, dominating, towering above Felix. Felix’s jaw drops, his breath stuttering. “Gonna fuck you now, Angel.” 

“Huhhh,” Felix moans. Hyunjin smirks. 

“Cockdumb little Angel.” 

And then he’s absolutely pounding into him, hands in a vice grip at Felix’s waist, deeper and deeper with every thrust. Felix can only moan, helpless in the best way. Hyunjin pumps into him again and again, their moans in sync every time there’s an obscene slap of skin against skin. 

“More,” Felix whimpers. He wants Hyunjin everywhere, wants him as deep as possible, “I want to feel you tomorrow.” 

Hyunjin growls. Suddenly, the hands on his waists shift and then Felix is flipped around onto his knees. He doesn't even think, just drops to his elbows, arching his back, legs spread. 

“Such a sweet little slut,” Hyunjin croons, lining himself up again but not entering Felix again. Felix moans, tries to push himself back, but Hyunjin just chuckles and holds his hips still. He pushes back into Felix with tantalizing slowness, and then bottoms out with a sharp thrust. Felix moans, elbows giving out below him until his face is pressed into the bed. Hyunjin is ruthless, aggressive, but so in control, just like he dances. With the new angle, every thrust presses directly against Felix’s prostate; it’s all he can do not to cum. 

Hyunjin’s hand creeps up his body and into his hair, tugging the strands until Felix’s head lifts, until his back arches and he feels his wings flex automatically, every feather prickling with the same pain-pleasure he feels form his scalp all the way down to his cock. His cock, which is weeping steadily now, ruining the blankets. 

“You’re … so good … for me,” Hyunjin punctuates the words with merciless thrusts. 

“So full,” Felix manages to choke out. 

“God listen to you,” Hyunjin groans. “So fucked out, such a desperate mess. First your skirt, now the bed? You just that needy, Sweetheart?” 

“For you,” Felix sobs. Tears prick his eyes, and as soon as they build, they pour, overflowing down his cheeks, onto the pillows. “F-Fuck, Jinnie-” 

A gentle slap lands on Felix’s asscheek, and he wails in pleasure. 

“You like that?” Hyunjin laughs. “Answer me, Lix.” 

“So much, you don’t even know-” 

A harsher slap lands this time. Felix’s whole body jolts in pleasure, and oh my God, he could cum like this-

Oh fuck, he’s gonna cum. 

He whimpers, hips thrusting against the air. Hyunjin, somehow, senses it. In a gravel deep voice, he says: “You wanna be a sweet little slut for Hyung? Wanna cum for me, baby?” 

“P-please, Hyung,” Felix whimpers. 

Hyunjin laughs, and then he leans over, the weight of his body sweaty and hot across Felix’s back. 

“Show me.” 

He tugs Felix’s hair a little harder; spanks him again; thrusts in somehow deeper than before–

Felix’s orgasm rips through him, and then he’s shooting rope after rope across the bed. His moans are so loud they’re almost hoarse. He clamps down on Hyunjin, and Hyunjin moans just as loudly, as if feeling Felix’s orgasm by proximity is equal pleasure.

“Good boy, so good, God, you look like a dream-” 

Felix comes down from his high like he’s a feather in the wind. Hyunjin milks him through it, barely thrusting into him – just enough to keep the stars exploding against his eyes. 

“Keep going,” Felix murmurs. The slow drag of Hyunjin’s cock stutters; Felix swears he can feel it twitching inside of him, and the idea alone makes his own cock switch in interest. 

“What?” Hyunjin – just Hyunjin – asks. “No, Baby, we don’t have to; just wanted to make you feel good–”

“Please,” Felix turns his head, and he must look a state, because Hyunjin’s lips part, and he twitches again inside him. “I like it. It’s … it’s a good pain.” 

Hyunjin gently pulls out of him, and Felix keens, but a moment later, Hyunjin has him on his back again, and he’s crawling on top of him, the snarkiness replaced with an expression Felix can only, in his orgasm-induced haze, categorize as reverent. 

“You sure?” Hyunjin whispers. 

Felix’s cock twitches again. Hyunjin glances down, exhales a laugh. “Fuck, you really are made for me aren’t you?” 

“M’yours,” Felix whispers. 

It’s all it takes. Hyunjin thrusts back into him – not fast, but slow, powerful, claiming. Felix whimpers at the overstimulation, but at the other side of the pain is pleasure. Hyunjin moans, moves with fervor, almost a franticness. Again and again, the bed headboard slamming rhythmically against the wall. 

“You feel so good, Lixie,” Hyunjin pants into his ear. “Fuck, you feel like a dream, how are you real-” 

“Wanna feel you,” Felix begs. Pleasure dances across his body, and he’s achingly hard again as Hyunjin reaches him deeper and deeper. He can feel him in his throat, can see him in his stomach, “Wanna feel you cum in me, Hyung-” 

“Oh, God,” Hyunjin moans. His movements are stuttering now, erratic, eyes glazed and heavy lidded. “Fuck, I’m close, Baby.” 

“Me too,” Felix whimpers. Hyunjin’s eyes flash with want. 

“Yeah, you gonna give me another? Gonna be good and cum for me again?” 

“Yeah,” Felix whines, high and pitchy and desperate. 

Hyunjin pulls back, his eyes locked on Felix’s. 

“Watch me,” Hyunjin whispers. “Cum, Felix.” 

And he does. It’s a miracle he has anything left to give, but somehow there is. Pleasure peaking, cum sticky against his abs, gaze never leaving Hyunjin’s.

A moment later, Hyunjin moans, his perfect mouth dropping open, and every muscle in his body tensed; and then Felix feels him pump into him with a rush of hot wetness. 

The pleasure is golden-bright and all encompassing, all the way to his feathers. 

“So good,” Hyunjin is murmuring, gently pulsing within him, tiny movements that keep the stars flashing, keeps the gold shining. “So beautiful. Fuck, Felix, you’re so, so beautiful.” 

“Love you,” Felix whimpers. 

Hyunjin collapses on top of him. It should be disgusting – they’re both drenched with sweat, and Felix’s release is sticky between them – but the proximity, and he can feel Hyunjin softening inside of him, and it’s hot but it’s lovely and Felix can’t help but clench down again in little aftershocks of pleasure. 

“F-fuck,” Hyunjin rasps. 

“Mmm,” Felix can only hum. He feels drunk. He feels high. He feels loved. 

Hyunjin presses a kiss against his temple. “I love you so much,” he whispers. “We should probably shower.” 

“M’cozy,” Felix mumbles, pulling Hyunjin closer, nuzzling into his neck. Hyunjin's laugh is soft and warm where it hits the skin of his shoulder. 

“You’re all glowy, baby,” he says. Felix blinks – sure enough, there’s that telltale ring of gold around his field of vision, and when he glances to the size. 

Well, he’s seen his wings ‘kind of glowy’; now, they’re practically a beacon of shimmering light. 

Felix smiles. 

“C’mon, baby, let’s get you cleaned up,” Hyunjin pulls out gently, cooing at the whine Felix releases, and then swoops him into his arms. It’s probably for the best, Felix can barely feel his legs. 

“I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” he murmurs against Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin rests him on the counter while he turns on the shower, the bathroom door cracked an inch. Hyunjin smiles wolfishly over his shoulder. 

“I thought you wanted that, or was that bratty Felix talking a big game?” 

“You like it,” Felix pouts. Hyunjin grins, offers a hand to help him into the shower. The hot water feels incredible as it pours across his wings. 

“I like it too much,” Hyunjin flushes. “You were so good for me, Lix, so perfect.” 

Hyunjin’s praises, combined with the gentle way he washes Felix’s body, turn him boneless, but eventually Hyunjin guides him carefully from the shower, dries him, and carries him back towards their room. He doesn’t even realize when Hyunjin leaves to get a change of sheets, too lost in the glow of how he feels. Eventually, Hyunjin tugs him into bed, tucks him against the side of his body. 

“So that was okay?” Hyunjin asks quietly. Felix jolts and stares at him. 

“Okay?” Felix laughs. “You made me cum three times. Was it okay that I basically lured you into a sex trap?” 

“More than okay,” Hyunjin ducks his head. “That was … that was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I, well, when Jisung told me you need to talk, I didn’t expect that. I could hear you moaning down the hall, anyone could have heard.”

“Ji got everyone out,” Felix admits. Hyunjin’s draw dropped. 

“You had a whole plan? Damn, Lix, and here you have everyone convinced you’re all sweet and innocent.” 

“I was horny,” Felix groans. “And you aren’t guilt-free either, Mr. Carry-Me-To-The-Couch-with-Bedroom-Eyes.” 

“So you’re telling me everyone knows we just fucked,” Hyunjin winces. 

“Just Ji,” Felix says. “I don’t think he’ll tell anyone.” 

“Well, it’s past dinner and you haven’t eaten, so I guess we have to go find out.” 

“ No ,” Felix groans. “ I wanna stay here .” 

“I wanna stay he-yah ,” Hyunjin imitates. “I can carry you?” 

“No, then they’ll definitely know,” Felix jumps to his feet, even though his legs are still a bit jellified. “Let’s get this over with.” 

They leave the cabin holding hands, wet haired, giggly. Night has fallen, but only just, the sky still cerulean. The others are sitting around the campfire again, though they quiet when the two get close. 

Jisung is beaming. Changbin shoots Felix an exaggerated wink. Wooyoung is stifling giggles behind his hand.

Chan looks a bit ill. Minho is wearing Felix’s headphones. 

“What’s up?” Felix asks, too chipper. 

“Three times? Well done, Mr. Hwang,” Jisung smirks. Felix splutters. 

“Wh-what are you talking about?” 

“How did you know ?” Hyunjin sounds horrified. “Why are Minho-hyung’s eyes closed?” 

“Did you know,” Seungmin hisses through gritted teeth, “that Lix’s wings glow very, very brightly when he, um-” 

“Got it, thanks!” Felix scrunches his eyes closed and prays that the ground will swallow him up. 

“The cabin is also not that soundproof,” Jeongin snorts. 

“Did you know that, Hyung ?” Changbin leers at Hyunjin. Jisung snorts. 

“He probably didn’t think about it, not when Baby-Sweetheart-Slut-Angel-Lixie was-” 

“Thank you, Han,” Hyunjin grunts, cutting Jisung off. 

“Congrats,” Chan grunts. “Never do that again?” 

“No way,” Hyunjin scoffs. Chan groans dramatically, hanging his head over the back of the chair. 

“Fatherhood is hell.” 

“At least tell me you were gentle because of his injuries,” Seungmin glares at Hyunjin. Felix snorts, then tries to pretend it was a cough. Seungmin sighs. “Idiots. The both of you.” 

“Is there any food left?” Felix asks, desperate for a subject change. “I’m hungry.” 

“Hyung,” Jisung kicks Minho’s shoe. “Hyung! It’s over! Lix is hungry!” 

And, well, hungry and Lix in the same sentence have always gotten Minho’s attention before. This time is no different, though when he opens his eyes, they’re murderous. He jumps to his feet, strides over to Hyunjin, finger pointing towards him with all the intent of a knife.

“180 degrees,” he pokes Hyunjin in the sternum. “20 minutes. Remember?” 

“Yes, hyung,” Hyunjin gulps. And then Minho turns to Felix, his face softening. 

“C’mon, Bbokie, what do you want to eat?” 

Before Felix is dragged inside, he hears Seungmin gasp. “The absolute favoritism!” 

Notes:

I'm not sure if I'll make Thursday upload. Trying desperately to fix my plot retroactively so plz bear with me, but I will try!

Again, I'm really sorry for the pacing troubles.

We'll be leaving the cabin next chapter so bye bye middle-of-nowhere, hello wherever-we-end-up!

Chapter 20: fearless, scarless, it's our palace

Summary:

With his instincts under control and his wings stronger than ever, Felix and the Kids get ready to head back to Seoul (and the risks that await them).

Notes:

Happy Thursday!!
thank u all for your very sweet comments last chapter (I will respond to them v soon I promise!)

Writing angst/healing/fluff has been so fun, but now we get to face an even more ominous threat: pure plot!

As I navigate my self-created inconsistencies, plot-holes, and set ups, plz bear with me <3

Felix is blindfolded. 

Like this, every sense is heightened – the pounding of his blood in his ears, the smell of fresh air, of his laundry detergent, of Hyunjin’s lingering shampoo, the feeling of air moving across his wings. 

The anticipation grows worse and worse with every passing second. 

And then he feels it – a shift in the air, a presence from behind him. 

Felix snaps his wings to the side, turns on the spot, and flaps them forward, hard. 

“Ah!” 

Changbin yells as the gust of air pushes his back. Felix grins when he hears Changbin tumble to the ground. “Dammit, Yongbokkie! I was so quiet!” 

Another shift of air alerts Felix before he can respond, and this time he propels himself into the air. He hears someone gasp in surprise – Jeongin – and Felix laughs, keeping himself airborne. 

“Binnie-hyung, you’re about as quiet as an earthquake,” Jeongin can’t help but get the jab in. 

“Can I unblind myself now?” Felix chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead and gloat,” Changbin groans. When Felix lifts the blindfold, it’s to see Changbin flat on his back on the forest floor. 

“I would never,” Felix giggles, swooping down hover above his hyung.

“You deserve to gloat!” Jisung calls from where he’s been watching. “You evaded both of them. And you couldn’t see!” 

“Did I glow?” Felix asks, dodging the compliment. Jisung frowns at the stone in his palm. 

“I kinda forgot to check.” 

“Sungie,” Felix groans. But his smile surely gives him away. 

Ever since he unlocked whatever block he’d had with his wings, he feels light in a way he doesn’t remember ever feeling. It helps that his healing from being kidnapped seems directly correlated with the strength he’s been building. There are still some instincts he can’t quell (the odd nightmare, increasingly infrequent they may be, lights up the Houndswater stone like a beacon, and the sound of silverware still makes him freeze a few seconds too long), but for the most part he’s been able to pass every single one of Wooyoung’s instinct tests. 

In the end, Felix had been the one to suggest negative triggers. After his meltdown, the members had been rather vocal against it, but he’d been persistent. It’s not fun in the slightest – rather than Hyunjin flirting with him, he’s subject to retellings in their near-misses. Minho’s slip on the dance floor, Jisung’s panic attack, Chan’s freefall, and, of course, Hyunjin’s car accident. They’re clinical with their retellings, but it doesn’t matter – when it comes to the memories of his members being hurt, Felix’s brain does most of the heavy lifting. 

The stone glows much more brightly when the triggers are negative, but he’s managed to dim that light, even if only a little, time and time again. 

The one situations in which he's been unable to prevent the stone glowing is-

“Well, it’s not as bright as it was this morning,” Jeongin snorts. 

“Iyen-ah,” Felix whines. He finally lands on the ground, offering Changbin a hand to pull him standing. 

“Don’t ‘Iyen-ah’ me!” Jeongin sticks his tongue out. “It’s not my fault you’re bioluminscent after you and Hyunjin fuck.” 

“We didn’t fuck,” Felix sniffs, chin jutted. 

(They didn’t; instead, Felix blinked tearily from his spot kneeling on the floor, Hyunjin’s hand in his hair while Felix sucked him dry, only for Hyunjin to immediately put those artist’s fingers to perfect, orgasmic use-)

“Your eyes are glowing,” Jeongin says. “Please stop thinking about whatever the hell you two get up to.” 

“You’re going to put Minho-hyung into an early grave,” Jisung adds. He doesn’t look particularly upset at the notion of his boyfriend’s suffering, though. 

“I have walked in on the two of you far too many times for him to complain in the slightest,” Felix points out. “Where is he, anyway?” 

“With Wooyoung and Chan, drafting Bubble messages.” 

Felix feels the gold vanish from his irises, wings dropping. 

“It’ll be okay,” Jisung pouts at him. 

Felix can’t quite bring himself to smile – at least not a full, Felix Sunshine smile. 

Suddenly, the real world feels a little closer than he’d care for. 

---

Hyunjin pulls Felix into a hug the second they enter the house, and Felix giggles as he’s twirled into a dizzy, unsteady circle. 

“How’d it go?” 

“Beat them both,” Felix blushes as he says it, but it’s worth it to see Hyunjin’s crescent smile. 

“I’m not even slightly surprised.” 

“I’m convinced he’s cheating,” Changbin grumbles. 

“Next time, we’re gonna give him ear plugs,” Jeongin agrees. Felix pouts at the maknae until he cracks, carding his fingers through Felix’s hair. 

“It’s working,” Wooyoung beams, sidling over to pinch at Felix’s cheeks. Felix purrs into the touch. “Pretty and talented? God really does have favorites.” 

Hyunjin’s arm, draped around Felix’s shoulders, tightens. Wooyoung tracks the movement with glittering eyes. 

“And favorites seem to have possessive boyfriends,” Wooyoung pretends to drop his voice to a whisper, obviously loud enough to be overheard. Felix giggles. 

“Can you blame said possessive boyfriends?” Hyunjin grumbles in embarrassment. Wooyoung laughs. 

“Alright, if Jinnie is done posturing, we have things we need to do,” Chan claps his hands to draw their attention. “Namely, we drafted a message for Bubble, and you all need to be prepared for the reaction.”

Chan slides his phone to the center of the island. All of the boys quickly circle it. 

---

Chan: Hah, so it’s been a minute? Did you miss us? 

Chan: We missed you!

Chan: Yeah … things were a little scary. I’m sure you’ve all already seen all the news stories. Wow, it seems like nothing happens to us without the rest of the world finding out, huh? 

Chan: So I wanted to clear the air, right?  

Chan: Basically, before our encore in Seoul, one of our members stepped outside for air and some people basically kidnapped him. It seemed like the motivation was money, and as soon as they realized that they’d kidnapped an idol, they dumped him on the side of the road. Thankfully, me and the Kids were able to get him back, but it was obviously pretty scary, so we’re taking some time to relax and heal up. 

Chan: I want to apologize for ending the Seoul concert so early, and for not being able to clear up any of the rumors sooner, but to those of you who left comments about us deserving space and time, you deserve a million big hugs! 

---

Hyunjin is the first to read the end of the notes-app draft. “It’s good.”

Felix presses his fingers against his neck. It is good. But it’s all so much. Going against management – screw that, not even consulting the company – is already a huge no-no. Chan doesn’t normally use the magnanimity of Stray KidsTM  to his advantage, and it’s true that their fame and success could probably give them more leeway than other groups, but it still feels risky. 

“Not a member,” Minho taps at the phone. “Me, hyung.” 

“No,” Felix whispers again. His stomach cramps, and a line of pain pulses down his wings. His brain – calm and happy mere moments ago – flashes with panicked alarm bells. “Hyung, we should talk about this more-”

“Minho, are you sure?” Chan asks seriously, cutting Felix off. Felix scoffs, tries to turn, but Minho gently pulls Felix away from Hyunjin and tightens his arms around the younger

“If you don’t put it in there, I’ll just post my own message telling Stay. It’s easier if we’re a united front.”

Felix slumps lower in his stool. 

“Bbokie, I know you don’t like this, but it’ll be okay. You have to let us protect you too.” 

A jolt of wrong wrong wrong makes his wings shiver. Minho jumps at the feeling of feathers writing against him. 

“It feels bad, doesn’t it?” Wooyoung asks, genuinely asks. Felix nods. He’s scared that if he opens his mouth, he’ll either scream or cry. Minho looks questioningly at Wooyoung. “If we’re talking about instincts, you’re basically asking Yongbok-ah to go against the biggest one of all: putting yourself in danger, and asking him to let you.” 

His wings writhe again. 

Minho shifts so that he’s facing Felix. 

“I’m not in danger,” Minho tells him. “I’m not magic. This is just a distraction, yeah?” 

And Felix can see it in Minho’s gaze – his hyung isn’t going to back down. 

“The company is going to want to talk to us,” Felix says, if just to protest something. “They’re going to call – and they’re going to wonder why we’re lying.”

“Because I don’t want you to have to take the heat, and Minho’s willing,” Chan says quickly. “If the company reaches out, I will handle it. No one is having any solo confrontations – I won’t let them.” 

“It’ll be okay,” Hyunjin presses a hand firmly against Felix’s lower back. 

But I don’t like it! Felix wants to howl. 

He knows the members wouldn’t like his version of the truth: he’d rather be in danger again and again if it meant the rest of them were safe. 

After a small handful of edits, including the replacement of “a member” with “Minho”, Chan posts the messages one by one, and then flops onto the couch. 

The reaction is instantaneous. 

News sources, blogs, and social media explode, but this time the stories are the same; with the truth from Chan’s own mouth (or rather, fingers), any rumors surfacing have less to do with Stray Kids themselves and more to do with the quality of JYPE security. Chan takes the time to defend the venue's security, as well as their own bodyguards, and Minho himself posts updates on Bubble. He assures Stay that he’s fine, that he snuck past the bodyguards for air, and is appreciating the time to recuperate with his members alone. 

Felix anxious drafts his own responses; it would look weird if any of the members pretended the situation hadn’t happened. 

---

Felix: hey there

Felix: it’s been a weird time

Felix: hasn’t it?

Felix: i’m so glad everyone is okay

Felix: are you okay, y/n? 

Felix: Minho-hyung is so brave!

Felix: he’s letting us all cuddle him 

Felix: he’s like a cat! 

Felix: we’ll be back to you all soon

Felix: but we need to make sure we’re all okay

Felix: so that we can perform well for you!

---

“That’s good,” Chan nods at the messages before Felix posts them. Felix presses send, and a moment later his phone lights up with an incoming call. 

“Hyung, it’s someone from the company,” Felix whispers. His chest tightens, his wings shrinking around him. 

“Here,” Chan takes the phone from Felix with no room for protest. Not that Felix would want to, anyways. Whoever is on the other line would probably smell his deceit and panic despite the weak signal they get out in the woods. 

Chan spends a long, tense hour in his bedroom bouncing from phone call to phone call. The walls are thinner than not, and while Felix can’t make out what words are being said, Chan’s tone is as tense as it is controlled. Wooyoung, San, and Yeosang offer to pick up food, as if sensing that the members need the comfort of each other in the face of uncertainty, and they’re still gone when Chan finally emerges. 

He looks like he’s been awake for forty-eight hours. 

“Hyung,” Felix says, rising. 

“It’s all okay,” Chan says quickly. “Just … God, I can’t stand the company sometimes.” 

Felix walks forward, pulls Chan into his arms, and wraps his wings around both of their bodies. 

“Thank you,” Felix whispers. “Thank you for protecting us.” 

Chan melts against him. 

“Seven feet,” Jisung says suddenly. 

“Hmm?” Chan hums questioningly. Felix peaks over Chan’s shoulder and spots his twin staring at the Houndswater stone. 

“A wing hug makes the stone glow at seven feet,” Jisung explains. “That’s pretty good.” 

Chan’s arms tighten around Felix. When he speaks, the words are warm against Felix’s shoulder. “Thank God.” 

---

A little less than a week until the Kids go back to Seoul, Wooyoung bitterly announces that they’ll have to return the next day. 

“The fact that you were here as long as you were is more than enough,” Felix promises the older Angel. Wooyoung smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eye. They’re on the patio, shoulder to shoulder, one of Felix’s wings half-draped across Wooyoung’s back.

“Well, I took a page out of your book,” he shrugs. “The company believes we all have very real, very draining mono.” 

Felix snorts. The Houndswater stone lays between them, glowing steadily but not too brightly. Felix picks it up and turns it over in his palm.

“Hyung, you need to be careful once you go back,” he says. “You still make the stone glow.” 

“I will, Bbokie,” Wooyoung promises. “I’m more worried about you.”

“I’m going back,” Felix says. 

“Oh, I know. I’m not going to tell you not to. I remember how that went last time.” 

The stone pulses with Felix’s guilt and Wooyoung sighs. 

“And honestly, as dangerous as Seoul is for you, I can’t imagine you surviving without your boys or vice versa. Just … keep practicing, okay? Keep learning how to pull the instincts back, keep working on getting those wings sharp, just … be careful.” 

“I will,” Felix swears. “But you need to be too. Promise me.” 

Wooyoung grins. “Deal.” 

Felix sighs and watches as the wind sends the trees rocking back and forth. 

“Whatcha thinking?” Wooyoung prods. 

“I can’t stop thinking about the other Angels out there,” Felix confesses. In his periphery, Wooyoung sits up a bit straighter. “I think I got really lucky, you know?” 

“I know,” Wooyoung nods. “Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I hadn’t been at the clinic that day. If you’d asked them about your back.”

“Me too.” Felix rolls the stone around in his palm. “I’ve had so many close calls, I have no clue what I did to deserve survival.” 

“You survived,” Wooyoung says simply. “That’s what you did. Not your wings, you. And you created and strengthened the relationship you have with your members, and because of the trust you’ve built with them, they always have your back.” 

Wooyoung plucks the stone, puts it on the porch, and takes Felix’s hands in his own. Felix sees a thin ring of gold swim and swirl in Wooyoung’s dark eyes. 

“You were such a shaky little thing. And you were so determined to hide. And I know I was a part of that – I know I told you not to tell – but I’m so glad you did. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, because you were given an impossible task, but you always trusted your own gut.” 

“Hyung,” Felix whispers, voice thick and watery. He remembers his conversation with Wooyoung on the roof when he first learned he was an angel, and he can only imagine that, too, is the comparison Wooyoung is drawing – the version of Felix then, bony and trembling and in every type pain; the version of him now, winged and strong and glowing. 

Because he does look better. His side is still mottled with bruises, but they’re yellow, not purple; his shoulders still twinge every once in a while, but the way they do when he dances too hard, not like they’d been yanked out of socket for hours. His wings healed fast, but with the extra flying and release of his instincts, he swears the feathers are brighter, longer, more beautiful than before. 

And then there’s Felix himself – he can close a bathroom door now, and it’s probably stupid to be so proud of that, but the first time he managed it, he’d cried hard enough that every inhabitant of the cabin had come running. He made brownies with Minho and he’d barely flinched when the whisk hit the metal bowl. Pretty makes him blush, not cower. Angel feels like a title of honor, not a threat. 

The nightmares are still there. So are the jolts of panic at loud noises. 

But Felix’s acceptance of his wings, his control over his instincts, make the threat of fear so much lesser. 

It doesn’t necessarily make other threats that much less frightening. 

“I have to tell you something,” Felix says, not necessarily meaning to, but overwhelmed with a burning tenderness. 

“Okay,” Wooyoung nods, sitting up a bit straighter. 

“You read what I wrote about the Sanctus Bell, right?” Felix whispers. Wooyoung’s expression turns stony and scared. 

“The bigger bell the Hunters talked about?” Felix nods, and Wooyoung lets out a shaky breath. “Oh God, Bbokie, what are you planning?” 

Felix scrunches his eyes closed, braces himself. “If they use that bell in Seoul, who knows how many Angels they’ll get. I need to try to warn them – as many as I can.” 

Wooyoung doesn’t just exhale this time. It's like the air is expelled from his body.  

“Felix, that’s so fucking dangerous,” Wooyoung groans. “How the hell are you going to figure out who’s an Angel and who isn’t? What if you tell the wrong person?” 

“My instincts are getting stronger by the day,” Felix says. “With Yeong-su, I sensed he was at the fitting before I saw him, so there’s that. Or maybe there’s some kind of list – if they’re really keeping that close of an eye on potential Angels, I could-”

“Yongbok-ah,” Wooyoung cuts him off with a desperate whisper. The rest of Felix’s sentence dissolves on his tongue like a bitter pill. “I … I’m begging you, whatever you do, tell me you won’t go looking for the Hunters or the Bureau. I don’t care if they have a list with every name and home address of every Angel in the country, if you find yourself in their territory, you’re not going to survive long enough to use that information.” 

A phantom chain rattles in the dark, frightened portion of Felix’s brain. “I know that. I won’t. But if I sense one in public, if I can help them …” 

Felix feels the heat building in his spine; he gently counts backwards until he can exhale the feeling away. 

“I won’t throw away all of the work you and my members have done to keep me safe,” Felix says steadily. “But I also won’t turn my back on someone if they need me.” 

Wooyoung smiles. It’s small, sad, fragile: “I know you won’t. It’s why you are the way you are.” 

Felix smiles back. 

“Do they know yet?” Wooyong nods towards the cabin. 

“I mentioned it once, kind of offhandedly,” Felix shrugs. “I think they’re hoping I changed my mind.” 

“I know they are,” Wooyoung snorts. He stands and brushes nonexistent dirt off of his jeans. “C’mon, we’ve gotta get out of here, and you have some more training to do this afternoon. Maybe you can figure out how close the stone needs to be to you and Hyunjin-ah getting it on before it lights up like the sun-” 

“Hyung!” Felix swats at Wooyoung with his wing. Wooyoung just laughs. 

(When they say goodbye, he laughs again, and Felix doesn’t point out the fact that they’re both crying a little.)

---

If there’s one thing Felix was sure of, it was that the members would be insufferable now that he and Hyunjin had, as Wooyoung so romantically put it, started getting it on. 

And it’s not like they’re insatiable , they’re just … passionate. 

They’re passionate late at night, moans stifled under flattened palms, breaths sharp and the sounds of skin on skin shockingly loud. 

They’re passionate in the moments after instinct training – after the others have finished eating lunch, before hide and seek begins – when they sneak away to their room. 

They’re especially passionate when the members are outside; when noise isn’t so much of a concern, when Felix can spend time taunting Hyunjin, bratting back at him until Hyunjin’s composure snaps. 

It’s perfect, it’s hot, and it’s so, so worth the knowing grins (Jisung, Changbin, Jeongin), grimaces (Minho and Chan), and pantomimed vomiting (Seungmin, every single time). 

“You’re going to have to be careful in Seoul,” Chan sighs when Felix and Hyunjin try to sneak back into the living room; Hyunjin’s hair is still spiky, Felix’s shirt is still rumpled, and both of their cheeks are still bright red. 

“Huh?” Felix asks. 

Chan seems very adamant about looking anywhere but at Felix and Hyunjin. “It’s just … it’s not like it’s bad, of course, and I’m not trying to top you- I mean, you’re both grown men, and who am I to say-”

“What Hyung is trying to say,” Changbin interrupts, “is that you, Lix-ah, are very glowy when you and Hyunjin fuck-” 

“Changbin-ah!” Chan gasps. Changbin rolls his eyes. 

“Calm down, grandma, I know for a fact that you weren’t writing about transportation when you wrote Railway-” 

“Can we find a point?” Minho sighs from the kitchen. 

“How far?” Hyunjin asks. He loops a finger through Felix’s belt loop, tugging him flush against his side. At Changbin’s cocked head, he clarified. “How far away does the stone have to be before it glows?” 

Changbin wrinkles his nose. “Why the fuck would I willingly measure that-” 

“About forty feet,” Seungmin says. He raises a challenging brow at the members’ shocked expressions. “What? Sue me for trying to help while simultaneously getting out of hearing distance-” 

“What, you don’t want to listen to Felix’s ‘ please, please, hyung' s?” Jisung pops his head out from his doorway, his grin nothing short of shit eating. Felix gasps and lunges for him, but Hyunjin holds him back. 

“Oh don’t you blush!” Seungmin scoffs at Felix’s embarrassed whine. “If you don’t want him to tease, buy a gag-”

“ Don’t give them any ideas,” Minho hisses. 

“Okay, I’m going to go train my wings until I die,” Felix announces. 

“Thirty-thousand won says the first thing he does when we get back to Seoul is measure the distance from his bedroom to the front door,” he hears Jeongin snort. 

---

“Do you think we’ll be able to, uh, do this back in Seoul?” 

Hyunjin hasn’t even pulled out yet when Felix asks the question. He blinks, dazed; Felix loves watching the shift from sultry, domineering Hyung to just Hyunjin, is amazed at the way his whole face melts into something adorable, but the thought has been nagging at him. 

“Oh, you mean because of your instincts?” Hyunjin asks. He brushes a slightly-sweaty strand of hair away from Felix’s eyes, shifting in a way that makes Felix almost moan. 

“Yeah,” Felix says. “I mean, forty feet isn’t a lot, but it’s not …”

“It’s not nothing …” Hyunjin smiles sadly. “We’ll measure, yeah?”

“I just don’t want to have to stay in control,” Felix admits. “I know it’s going to be hard when we get back, to keep my emotions more under wraps, and I’m ready for that. But with you,” Felix catches Hyunjin’s hand where it’s tracing looping patterns along his wings and squeezes it. “I don’t want to have to hold back. Ever.” 

Hyunjin blushes dark, dusty red. “Angel, stop.” 

“Never,” Felix giggles softly. “I only just got you. I’m not going to lose you.” 

“I know the feeling,” Hyunjin whispers – weighted, meaningful, heavy. He slips his hand from Felix’s to rub his thumb over Felix’s locket. “You don’t take it off.” 

Felix isn’t sure if it’s an observation or a request; either way, the result will be the same. 

“You saved me,” Felix reminds Hyunjin. “I love knowing that you’ll be there if I need you.” 

“For anything, you know that right?” Hyunjin’s eyes find his again. “Whether you’re about to have to kick Hunter and Bureau ass, or if you had a bad day and you need a hug.”

“I know,” Felix promises. His voice is so quiet, barely a breath, but then again, it doesn’t feel like the rest of the world exists. It’s just the two of them, centimeters apart. 

Hyunjin pulls Felix closer to him, tangling their legs, brushing against his feathers. “I love you, Lix.” 

“I love you too,” Felix murmurs against his neck. 

The next morning, Felix spends several, selfish moments just watching Hyunjin. Hyunjin is peaceful, soft in sleep, and Felix brushes a barely-there thumb across the peak of his cheekbone. The cut on his arm is pink, fresh skin now that the scab has fallen away, but he’ll certainly have a scar for the foreseeable future. The sight of the wound makes Felix want to curl more closely against him, his stomach tight and heavy. 

As if sensing his distress, Hyunjins arms tighten around him, pulling him closer. A notch appears between his brows and he murmurs anxiously from whatever nightmare he’s caught in. Felix swears he murmurs his name. 

Felix’s nightmares are all screaming and desperate pleas to not be hurt. 

But Hyunjin’s nightmares – the nightmares he’s been trying to hide, Felix knows – seem to take place in the hours-long window between Felix’s kidnapping and his return. 

Hyunjin has done so much for Felix – from the moment they met, he’s always been there, but especially in the past year – and Felix wants to repeat that by throwing himself towards harm’s way. 

He fiddles with his locket and sighs. He wants to give Hyunjin anything and everything. He wants to erase the nightmares, the worries, the panic-

His fingers still on the locket. He has to stretch a bit to grab his phone, but thankfully Hyunjin doesn’t wake. Felix finds exactly what he’s looking for with a relatively quick search.

He places the order within minutes. 

---

The car ride back to Seoul is tense and quiet, and with every passing mile, Felix’s anxiety curdles into something tenable and real. 

It doesn’t help that his wings – which had clearly become accustomed to being unbound – are tense and switching within the elastic. By the time they reach the dorms in Yun’s stolen car, it’s nearly noon, and Felix’s back is aching. 

“We have rehearsal soon. I’ll meet you guys there,” Chan says in lieu of any type of comfort. He looks, Felix notices, wan. 

“Where are you going?” Felix asks. Chan plasters on a phony smile. 

“Just want to get these meetings over with-” 

“Hyung, we’re coming with you,” Minho hisses. Chan falters. 

“You really don’t have to,” he shakes his head. “You’ll all be there soon enough, yeah?”

“Exactly, so let us come with you,” Felix cocks his eyes, raises an eyebrow. If his wings were free, they’d lift, as if preparing to physically restrain Chan. Felix juts his lower lip just a tad. “ABS protocol says we stay together to and from the company, right?” 

(It’s a cheap shot because that was Chan’s idea, the night before they left. Obviously within the company, separation is a given, but in between the dorms and JYPE, they’re safer with all eight of them stuck together.)

“Please?” Felix adds. 

Chan’s smile flickers into something real. “Low blow, sunshine.” 

“Necessary, Chris. ”

“Alright, let’s go drop off our stuff, grab what we need, and meet back here. It’s gonna be a long day.”

Felix lets Changbin and Hyunjin escort him to get their things first before they follows him to his dorm; Hyunjin seems genuinely anxious to let him out of his sight, and Felix would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t adore the feeling of Hyunjin’s arm around his shoulders. 

When they make it to Felix and Seungmin’s door, though, he freezes, and the arm around his shoulder tightens. Yeong-su sits on the floor, jumps to his feet when he sees them approaching.

“Yongbok-ssi,” Yeong-su jumps to his feet. He looks … Well, terrible is the kindest way Felix can describe him. He’s pale, skin tight across his face; his hands tremble at his sides. Felix feels the ripple of awareness slice up his back and across each wing. 

“Are you okay?” Felix asks. Yeong-su looks perplexed at the question, opens his mouth to respond –

And then Hyunjin steps in front of Felix with a glare like a dagger. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Hyune!” Felix pushes against Hyunjin, but he doesn’t budge. Instead, he uses every inch of his height as he strides towards Yeong-su until he’s backed up against the wall. 

“How’d you know we’d be back?” Hyunjin hisses. 

“I-I didn’t!” Yeong-su gasps. “I just hoped my timing was right, I saw you arriving and just had a feeling-” 

“A feeling?” Hyunjin hisses as he raises his hand, as if to grab the fabric at the front of Yeong-su’s shirt. Changbin gasps and pulls Hyunjin back. 

“Jinnie, chill out!” 

“He’s the one that told Felix to ignore his instincts,” Hyunjin is practically spitting. Yeong-su looks to Felix at a loss. 

“It didn’t work,” Felix explains softly. “They said it didn’t weaken my magic, just my ability to fight back.” 

Yeong-su’s eyes widen, then go glassy with guilt and horror. “Why are you back ?” 

Felix freezes. “What do you mean?” 

“Yeah, what the fuck does that mean?” Hyunjin echoes. Felix hears what sounds like Changbin swatting Hyunjin upside the head, then an inpatient tsk from Hyunjin. 

“Your … someone called me from your phone and said you were taken by the Hunters,” Yeong-su says. He hugs his arms around his middle, the same way Felix’s wings like to wrap around himself in moments of distress. Felix imagines that Yeong-su’s wings are doing the same beneath his bandages. 

“Yeah,” Felix confirms raspily. “They had me for maybe four hours. My members got me out.” 

“You survived,” Yeong-su doesn’t ask, barely seems cognizant of speaking the words aloud. 

“The government – the Bureau – showed up. I managed to get away in the scuffle, but it was pretty bad-” 

“Why the fuck would you come back?” Yeong-su repeats again. He takes a step forward, fully ignoring Hyunjin’s low growls of unhappiness. “You got taken. The Hunters know who you are-” 

“They’re dead,” Felix says. 

“Fine, even if they don’t know who you are, they know for sure that you’re here! And so does the Bureau? You shouldn’t be in Seoul, let alone Korea!” 

“I … I’m not just going to leave ,” Felix whispers. “I can’t leave.” 

“Yes you can,” Yeong-su sounds desperate. He bends down, as if being at eye level with Felix will convince him, but all Felix can feel is icy panic at the thought of fleeing. 

“Felix isn’t going anywhere,” Changbin says firmly. He may be shorter than Yeong-su, but he stands with his shoulders wide, his biceps flexed. 

“He should,” Yeong-su addresses Changbin directly. He continues to ignore Hyunjin’s vicious glares, which Felix knows will only drive his boyfriend further into a rage. “You should,” he says to Felix again. “The fact that you got away was a miracle.” 

“But I did,” Felix says. “No one saw me. I’m okay. So are my wings.” 

Yeong-su’s face twists in something like pain. 

Felix feels his instincts rousing to alertness. He doesn’t look at Hyunjin or Changbin, but he knows he shifts towards them, if even only a bit. 

“We’re going to be late, Bok-ah,” Changbin says. Felix nods, grateful. 

“Let’s meet up, okay?” Felix asks. “I need to tell you things. Things I learned.” 

Yeong-su is clearly biting back further protests, but the fight has seeped out of him, and his shoulders hang in a defeated slump. He looks at Felix the way someone might look at a terminal patient. “Just … please be careful.” 

“You too,” Felix whispers. 

They watch him leave. Hyunjin clenches his fists. Felix leans against the wall and exhales. He’s sure that, to Yeong-su, his behavior is beyond illogical: Felix isn’t just winged, he’s plastered on billboards and social media across Seoul. He’s been almost caught once, successfully taken mere weeks later, and he’s back again like some kind of masochist. 

But Yeong-su isn’t Felix; Yeong-su doesn’t have seven charges whose love pulses in golden threads around Felix’s heart. 

Hyunjin drops his duffel bag on the ground and begins packing his dance bag instead.  

“I don’t like that guy,” he hisses. 

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” Felix says. Hyunjin’s frown only deepens. 

“Lix, his advice stopped you from being able to control your wings.” 

“It worked for him,” Felix says. “I know it doesn’t work for me now, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop talking to him-”

“But can you trust him?” 

Hyunjin’s voice is severe, sharp, and it makes Felix turn. At this proximity, he can see the way Hyunjin’s nostrils flare, the tension in his neck of barely-contained anger. 

“I do,” Felix says. 

“Why?”

“I just do,” Felix says a little more sharply. “I don’t know why, you just have to trust me.” 

Hyunjin clicks his tongue. “I trust you. I don’t trust him, but I trust you.”

Felix tugs at Hyunjin’s sleeve until he looks down, dark gaze softening. “I need to warn him about the bell, Hyune.”

Hyunjin huffs, hangs his head until their foreheads are touching. “You’ll let me come with you?” 

“As if I could get rid of you?” Felix counters with a smirk. Hyunjin’s smile is a bit wobbly, a bit insecure, and Felix stands on tiptoe to press a kiss on his mole. “I’d ask you regardless, you know that, right?” 

“Well I, for one, am with Jinnie,” Changbin pipes up, slinking between their bodies and pulling them both into a hug that is closer to a headlock. “Anyone who tries to dim our sunshine can suck it. Now, we should probably head out before we send Chan to an early grave.” 

---

They’ve barely exited the company elevator before Chan is getting personally escorted to JYPs office. It happens so quickly that the rest of the Kids can only watch. Chan doesn’t look back at them. 

“He’s scared,” Minho murmurs. “He doesn't want us to know that he’s scared.”

“They won’t be too harsh, right?” Jisung worries. 

“He’s Bangchan, they can’t get rid of him,” Changbin promises. 

It doesn’t mean they can’t yell at him, Felix thinks. He’s sure he’s not the only one. He feels his instincts prickle up his spine and focuses on counting the polka-dots on Seungmin’s hoodie. 

“C’mon, let’s go warm up,” Hyunjin brushes this thumb along Felix’s bandaged wings. 

They stretch for much longer than they normally do; on one hand, it’s smart – it’s been two weeks of relaxing, and while their bodies are rested, their ligaments are tight, and the typical cardio they’d have spent hours engaged in has been blessedly absent. In reality, though, they’re all distracted, eyes flickering constantly to the door. 

“Okay,” Minho sighs, pushing himself to his feet and meandering towards the speaker. “We can’t drag rehearsal out any longer-”

And suddenly the door opens, revealing a red faced Chan and one of JYP’s personal assistants. 

“JYP wants to speak with you, Yongbok-ssi,” the assistant says. 

Chan is like a statue – a statue in the middle of an earthquake; he’s trembling, but his expression is nothing but cold, hardened fury. 

“Alone,” the assistant says. 

Felix freezes. Hyunjin gravitates to him – all the members do, actually – but unless they’re planning on physically fighting the assistant, there won’t be much they can do. 

“I told you, he’s not going to tell you anything differently than I did,” Chan practically growls. “I don’t know why you need to talk to him!” 

“Bangchan-ssi, stand down, ” the assistant snaps. “Despite your recent behavior, I’ll remind you what JYP said: this company does not revolve around your team.” 

Chan stands like he’s seven feet tall; his eyes are black with rage. There’s a vein in his neck that is pulsing in a way Felix can’t imagine is healthy. 

But when he opens his mouth, surely to keep arguing, Felix jumps forward. 

“It’s fine, Hyung,” Felix assures him. He bows apologetically to the assistant. “Of course, I can come now.” 

He shoots the members a look at the prays communicates please don’t let Chan get himself in trouble, wiggles his phone at his side in a way he prays communicated I will text you if something goes wrong, and smiles at Hyunjin in a way he prays communicates it’s just the company. 

The assistant escorts him to JYPs office in silence. 

JYP doesn’t look pissed, but he definitely doesn’t look happy to see Felix. He just nods at the stiff chair across from his desk and flicks through a stack of papers as Felix sits. 

“Chan is going to tell you regardless, but we’ve made the decision to move Yun to a different group and release Jung from employment with JYP entertainment.” 

Felix was expecting questioning, maybe a request for more information; he was not expecting that. 

“Oh,” he says simply. He can’t even feign sadness. JYP clearly doesn’t expect him to. 

“Yun should have acted more quickly when you weren’t with the others backstage, especially given the fact that you seemed, apparently, unwell, but he had no reason to believe your absence was the emergency we now know it was.”

Felix nods. Yun, while cold at times, has generally been respectful. 

“Jung, however,” JYP frowns at the paper before him. “Well, he doesn’t seem very fond of you and your affect on the Stray Kids.” 

“Me?” Felix can’t help but ask. 

“Can you blame him, Yongbok? He joined your group at the beginning of your suspension. That’s what I want to speak with you about. Jung wrote me a rather thorough email during your mini-tour. I won’t read it all, but …” JYP leafs through the printed pages and stops at the last. He clears his throat before he recites Jung’s words, and even though JYP reads them evenly, Felix can picture Jung’s unimpressed stare, can practically hear his disdainful tone. 

“For idols of such renown, I find myself concerned by the members’ apparent flippancy towards company policy. Multiple members have been late to events or skipped scheduled rehearsals all together. At times, they are impossible to get a hold of, and seemingly put their own wishes above contractual obligation. Ultimately, these instances seem to have a common denominator: namely, Lee Yongbok. 

Yongbok has appeared, in the months I have known him, unstable, ungrateful, and unwell. He has seemingly made little effort to devote himself to his role as an idol within the group, and his attitude implies that he believes himself deserving of special treatment. He does not seem capable of handling the responsibilities required of him by himself, rather depending on his members to pick up the slack. He is defiant, overemotional, and apparently too unwell to dance. His attitude has caused an obvious ripple effect in his members. At the end of the day, Felix is not just a distraction for the group. He is a liability.”

Felix closes his eyes before the tears can fall. He hears JYP place the paper on the table. 

“Felix, what is going on? I’m not blind, and things are adding up. First your weight loss, then your attitude, then the suspension – and I hear from stylists that you were practically a different person on the tour, barely involved. And now Chan is stealing cars? Minho is lying to the public?”

Felix forces himself to open his eyes, but suddenly it’s 2017 again; suddenly he is a child, and JYP is about to kick him out. 

The man in question leans across the table; Felix feels the tendrils of his instincts flare and bites them down with his newly practiced control. 

“You are a week away from performing at an award show. You’re two weeks away from an international tour. I have emails from some of the biggest brands in the world asking me for a chance to work with you and the Kids. And honestly, this is bigger than just you – this is affecting all of the members, and frankly, I’m at a loss of what to do.”

“I’m sorry,” Felix says instinctively. JYP’s lips purse in frustration. 

“I don’t want an apology, Yongbok, I want a solution. I understand what Jung and Yun did was unacceptable, but maybe Jung was to say you should have been on the list-”

JYP pauses, like he’s said something he didn’t mean to. 

Felix’s tears seem to dry on the spot. 

“List?” 

It’s a ragged syllable of a word. JYP exhales thinly and leans forward. 

“I want you to stay with Stray Kids,” he says carefully. “Not just because you are a talented performer, not just because you bring in fans, but because of what you bring to the group. You’re not the first ‘sunshine’ to walk through this door, and you won’t be the last. The problem is, when we have a member like you – a member who draws attention, acts like a group’s own personal form of gravity – we need to be careful. I’ve seen you build them up, I’ve seen you keep them together.” 

JYP waves a hand from Felix’s head down to his toes. 

“But then we also risk stability when we have a member like you. The sun tilts off its axis? So does the rest of the solar system.” 

Felix’s heart is in his throat.

“So, what, you’re keeping a list of ‘sunshine members?” He whispers. 

“Building a group isn’t just eenie-miney-moe, it’s a science,” JYP says bluntly. “Your name should have been on the list as soon as you walked through the doors, because we weren’t sure if you were going to be a problem. You only calmed down right before debut, but before then… I mean, the way those boys reacted when you weren’t feeling well? It was dangerous.”

JYP clearly thinks that Felix’s rapid-fire breaths are the choking back of tears, and not the crash of realization 

“Yongbok, I’m not putting you back on the list of potential trouble-trainees, if that’s what you’re worried about. I can’t eliminate you now, nor would I want to. So long as you get it together. Whatever you did before debuting, whatever you did to calm down – do that again.”

“Yes, sir,” Felix barely manages to breathe. JYP lowers his chin, staring at him through narrowed eyes. 

“You will, right? Get it together?” 

“Yes, sir,” Felix repeats. JYP sighs. 

“Okay, go back to rehearsal. Lord knows you all missed a lot.” 

Felix stumbles more than he walks, his path aimless as his thoughts race around his head. He knows his instincts are flaring, and he needs to find somewhere to hide, to center himself. This was what he trained for – for moments when his world felt like it was turning upside down, for when his lungs forgot how to work, and his heart pounded overtime in compensation – but the plain, terrible truth seems to be the only thing he can focus on. 

There exists, at JYPE, a list . 

A list of ‘problem trainees’ – of young, terrified children – who care too much, who shine and shimmer, who burn so brightly that their emotions threaten to singe those around them, good or bad. 

A list that JYP might not even recognize is a roster of soon-to-be Angels.

If someone had that list, all they’d have to do was wait, wait until those young, terrified children matured into live-wire, winged angels. 

( They just vanished , Wooyoung had said in regard to the trainees. I assumed the first one just decided to leave, but I knew the second one a bit better. One day, he was called into a meeting and the next thing I saw, he was getting escorted out of the building. He looked … scared .)

Focus, Felix tells himself, tells his wings when they twitch with terror. They go still beneath his bindings. Felix walks to the first practice room he spots, then nearly trips when he realizes it’s very much occupied. 

“Oh, sorry,” Felix gasps. The room full of trainees stare at him with identical open mouthed, wide eyed stares before they all drop into hurried bows. Felix feels himself go red as he bows back. 

“Ah, Yongbok-ssi!” The dance instructor beams at him. His reaction is a second delayed, and he’s never been more grateful for the hours of media training, because an instinctive, idol-perfect smile stretches across his face to match hers. “Is it odd being back?” 

“Very,” Felix forces himself to take in the familiar room, if only so he can count the ceiling tiles. It’s fairly generic, as far as practice rooms go, all bright lights and foggy mirrors. 

The trainees are still staring at him. He clears his throat. “How is practice going?” 

He addresses the trainees. They look to the instructor like little kids asking permission to speak. The instructor shoots Felix a conspiratorial grin, then nods at the trainees, and they parrot a jumbled chorus of affirmations. Felix takes an instinctive step forward-

Gold. 

His wings shiver. His vision through the contacts goes shimmery. He knows this feeling, remembers it when he was at the LV fitting, remembers it when Wooyoung dragged him to the dorm roof. 

Time doesn’t stop, but it slows a fraction – a fraction long enough for his neck to turn, to find a wisp of a boy (pink hair, knobby knees, oversized practice clothes) half-hiding behind another trainee who has an arm wrapped lovingly around his shoulders. 

The boy drops his gaze shyly, but not before Felix catches the flash of gold in his eyes. 

Fuck. 

“Do you want to watch them practice?” the choreographer asks. 

“Of course,” Felix answers, because what else can he say? He pulls out his phone, texts ABS ( got pulled into watching trainees ), and settles onto the ground before his legs give out beneath him. 

The boy dances like he has something to fight for. He dances like there’s no other option. Like despite his terror-sheened eyes and sweat-soaked skin, he will die if he stops moving. He can’t be older than sixteen. 

He makes eye contact with Felix and his next step is even more purposeful. Felix remembers what if telt like to have something to prove. 

When the trainees come toa sweaty, panting stop, Felix claps dutifully, prays that his smile isn’t as tense as his body feels. He can at least tell that his instincts are quieter, dampened after the distraction, even if his panic still feels sharp and angry. 

“Well done,” Felix tells them. “Make sure you’re taking care of yourselves – your bodies can only work so hard through determination alone.” 

They all nod, but Felix knows that they know that he knows the words will do nothing in the face of mandated diets and eighteen-hour days. 

“Do you have any questions for me?” Felix asks, rising; he remembers when debuted idols would stop in, remembers the questions that used to burn at his tongue. For a moment, all the boys are silent. “C’mon, I know you do. No need to be shy.” 

And he’s somehow not surprised when the boy steps forward, even if ‘forward’ is only a few centimeters. 

“What would you tell yourself?” He asks, voice light, smooth, so much like Innie’s used to be that it physically hurts. “If you could go back in time to when you were training, I mean.” 

Felix smiles sadly. “I’d tell myself to listen to my gut. Lean on the people I knew I could trust – my fellow trainees. I might have been terrified every day, but I should have taken better care of myself. I should have let them take care of me too.” 

Every word tastes of acid. The boy is nodding so fast he looks like a bobblehead, and he surely can’t believe he’s even speaking with Felix, and all Felix wants is to take his face between his hands and tell him everything. 

“Thank you, Felix-ssi,” the boy bows, deep and a little clumsy. 

“You can call me Hyung, it’s okay,” Felix says. Because it’s the closest he can get to saying: I have been you, and I am so scared you are going to become me. 

---

The members don’t get to speak together for the rest of the day. They are on the receiving end of disappointed managers, disappointed instructors, and a schedule packed in order to make up for lost time. It doesn’t put an end to the nervous glances Felix receives, and Felix has to wonder if the rest of JYP staff feel similarly to Jung – if they, too, view Felix as a frustrating distraction that pulls the members’ collective attention away from rehearsals and meetings. 

The group wordlessly follows Felix and Seungmin from the company back to their dorm. 

Chan goes to Felix like a moth to a flame; or, perhaps, like a planet to its sun. 

“Are you okay?” Chan rasps against his ear. “God, when they told me they wanted to talk to you, I was so scared-” 

“I’m okay,” Felix murmurs back, but there must be a wobble in his words because Chan just hugs him harder. “I … can I unbind my wings now?” 

“Of course, sunshine,” Chan pulls back in an instant, his hands working to help Felix shed his sweater. He feels Hyunjin’s long fingers deftly undo his bandages. He moans in relief when the feathers touch air. 

“Sore?” Minho asks. He massages the muscles of his shoulders, and Felix responds by leaning his full body weight against him, adoring when Minho chuckles fondly and scratches his head. 

“Got used to them being out,” Felix sighs. 

“Dinner?” Changbin asks. 

“I’ll order,” Jeongin says. “That’s such a lie – I’ll use Chan-hyung’s card.” 

Eight pizzas don’t fit conveniently on the table, so they flop across the living room floor. They’re all tired, they’re all sore, they’re all clearly remembering what idol life means in terms of exhaustion. 

“So? Did you get yelled at?” Jisung finally asks, when they can no longer pretend there’s not news to be shared. 

“Not yelled at,” Felix sighs. “Scolded? Yes.”

(He leaves out being a liability to the group, if only because a small, ugly voice in his head whispers that it might be true. ) 

“And, um, I’ll explain, I swear, but I kind of need a favor? And before that, I kind of have a present?” 

“A present?” Jisung sits up a little straighter, so transparently giddy.

“For Jinnie,” Felix amends, cringing. “Sorry, Ji, I’ll make you brownies though-”

“Forgiven,” Jisung waves a hand. 

Felix had been glad to see that the package arrived when they were at the company. He scurries to the door, grabs the small puffed envelope, and tears out the box before shyly holding it out to Hyunjin from where he stands by the door. 

Hyunjin rises and joins him. The other members half-pretend to not be listening (in that Chan, Minho, and Seungmin pretend that they’re discussing work, and CHangbin, Jisung, and Jeongin just stare curiously). 

Hyunjin takes the small box, moves to open it. 

“Now give it back to me,” Felix murmurs. Hyunjin quirks a brow, but passes it back. Felix opens the box and takes out a small golden bracelet with a delicate charm in the shape of a compass. 

“Should I put it on you too?” Hyunjin chuckles, but Felix nods. Hyunjin’s fingers are sure as they clasp the bracelet around Felix’s wrist, then twist the charm upright. 

“It’s pretty,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“It’s a tracker,” Felix says. Hyunjin’s eyes widen, and Felix scrambles to open his phone to the tracking app – similar to the one used for the necklace. “When you gave me the locket, you were so considerate. You didn’t want me to feel like you were watching my every move. But now I think … Hyunjin, I wouldn’t care if you crawled into my skin, I like you so, so much.” 

Hyunjin just blinks back. 

“I love you, even,” Felix reminds him. 

“It’s a … tracker?” Hyunjin repeats. 

“I don’t want you to be anxious, but I know you will be. I don’t want you to worry, but I know I don’t get to tell you not to.” 

He flips his hand over so he can take Hyunjin’s fingers in his. “I’ll still be able to use the locket if I need to. But this way … this way you can find me, if you need me.” 

“Angel,” Hyunjin breathes. He cups Felix’s face in his palms, brushes his thumb beneath his eye, even though it’s Hyunjin who seems at risk of crying. “God, I love you.” 

The kiss is sweet, it’s warm, it’s perfect- 

“Six feet glow,” Jeongin says, and Felix knows he's looking at the stone.

“Not now, Innie,” Hyunjin murmurs against Felix’s lips. 

“Yes now, Hyunjin,” Chan says. He’s grinning. “Felix had something to tell us, right?” 

Hyunjin looks at him like he hung every single star himself. 

“Well, like I said, I have a favor to ask.” 

“I'll do anything for you,” Hyunjin promises. Felix makes his eyes wide and shiny, his lips soft and pouty, tries to keep his voice light, like he’s suggesting they get ice cream or watch a TV show. 

“Can you help me break into JYP’s office?”

Hyunjin’s smile slips right off his face. 

“Well,” Jisung laughs manically. “He did say he would do anything.” 

Notes:

see u either Monday or Tuesday!!
ilysm <3

Chapter 21: we make the rules, nobody can hold me

Summary:

8 idols, 1 heist: what could go wrong?

More than Felix might expect, that's for sure.

Notes:

hi lovelies! we're back!

A03 curse got me and I got food poisoning on Friday (which SUCKS bc I am terrified of throwing up so that was cute), but at least a weekend eating broth allowed me time to plot/write!! silver linings I guess?

Jisung is me I am Jisung in this fic

Also -- I know NOTHING about computers, I’m secretly hoping y’all either a) don’t either, or b) are willing to pretend what I wrote makes sense.

We’re ramping up towards the end, kiddos. Buckle ur seatbelts. It's plot time!!

Felix blinks, bleary eyed and still half-asleep, at the schedule before him. When he woke up, he’d been expecting birdsong, the distant sounds of someone making breakfast, Hyunjin’s voice murmuring in his ear to either go back to sleep or, more enticingly, c’mere, Sweetheart. 

Instead, he wakes to the sound of Seungmin’s distant yelling (“Can we just pick up breakfast on the way?”) and Hyunjin groaning into his pillow (“It’s too early…”). 

The award show is going to be huge. Idol groups upon idol groups, actors and models, press by the buckets. Stray Kids are nominated for a handful of awards, and they’re going to be performing three songs from their recent album. The result? A full day of rehearsal, plus extra practice for the tour; rinse and repeat. Felix can’t prove that they’re being punished for their recent crimes of insolence, but he’s more confident than not. 

There’s a tiny gap – after their five-thirty rehearsal, before their six-fifteen concert prep.

Seungmin knocks on the door. “We’re gonna be late if you two don’t get up. You’d better not be naked in there!” 

“Why don’t you come in and find out yourself,” Hyunjin calls back, arms snaking around Felix to pull him horizontal again. Felix giggles and bites Hyunjin’s bicep. 

“C’mon, we have to go,” Felix pushes himself upright. 

“It is heist day, after all,” Hyunjin grumbles. Felix kisses away his pout; Hyunjin and the others might be on board now, but getting them to agree? Well, it took a while. 

---

“I still think this is a terrible idea,” Hyunjin had said – after the shock of Felix’s request had given way to practicality. Felix had not been even slightly surprised that his boyfriend was the most vocal naysayer in the room. 

“Let’s review, yeah?” Felix had sighed. “One, there is a giant fucking bell that would be able to lure any angel in Seoul, based on how the Hunters were talking about it. Two, there is a list of Angels, whether or not JYP realizes that’s what he has, who are all centralized in Seoul, and who’s to say the other companies don’t have lists of their own? Three, the only reason I’m not on that list is because I seemingly stopped my instincts early.”

Felix sighed and looked at his palms. “I don’t know how though.”

“What did he say about that exactly?” Seungmin had asked. Felix was unsurprised to find Seungmin taking notes as Felix spoke. 

“He basically said I was about to get flagged as a ‘problem trainee’ because I was distracting you all, but then I ‘calmed down’ apparently,” Felix shrugged. “Right before debut, that’s what he said.” 

Minho made a woulded sound. Felix found him hunched at the middle, his eyes desperately sad. “What, hyung?” 

“Right before debut?” Minho whispered, finally looking at Felix. “Bbokie, you stopped … you weren’t taking care of yourself before debut, remember?” 

It took a moment before Felix understood Minho’s meaning. Wasn’t taking care of himself. Felix hadn’t been eating, was what Minho meant. Felix was fainting. Felix was dying.

“I restricted myself and my instincts,” Felix sighed. His wings wrapped around him like a blanket. “I was pulling away from all of you too.”

“Felix, this is all the more reason to not go digging for that list,” Chan said sternly. If Hyunjin was going to scream no to this plan, then Chan would back him up with calm-spoken, logical nos. . “If Jung wanted you to be added to it now-”

“But I wasn’t,” Felix interrupted. “And now Jung’s gone.” 

Chan’s lips thinned with displeasure. Hyunjin straight up pouted. 

“Please,” Felix looked between the two of them. “I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least know who’s being flagged by the company.”

“And what exactly are you gonna do with those names?” Hyunjin asked. His eyes were shrewd; Felix sometimes forgot that the consequence of dating someone who knew you as innately as they knew your own name was that they could immediately pick up on hidden motives. 

“Well, I want to make sure my name’s not on it,” Felix started. “And … I don’t know, I just want to keep an eye out-” 

“Felix,” Hyunjin groaned. “You cannot draw more attention to yourself by playing bodyguard to a bunch of random trainees!” 

“I won’t!” Felix insisted. 

(That’s exactly what Felix was intending to do.) 

“I just … I’m lucky, right? I have all of you, I have people who have looked out for me and will continue to look out for me. But these kids … I saw one of them, he was maybe sixteen, just a kid. He was younger than Innie was when we debuted.” 

“Oh, c’mon, don’t make me emotional collateral,” Jeongin fake pouted Chan tutted. 

“That’s a cheap shot, Lixie,” he murmured. 

Felix turned to his boyfriend then. He didn’t have to force a pout or doe eyes, they were already there.

“Hyunjin, please,” he said. “I can’t sit by and do nothing. I just want the list.” 

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes, scanned Felix’s face. 

“I don’t want Lixie to play bodyguard either,” Changbin said carefully. “But I also think knowing if he’s on a list right now would be helpful. We need to know who might be watching.”

Felix was going to make Changbin so many brownies. 

“Please?” Felix whispered once more.  

Hyunjin groaned again, but this time it was pure defeat. “You’re not going alone.” 

“As if you’d let me?” Felix teased.

Jisung had grinned. “Finally. I’ve spent long enough reading SKZ gang AU fanfiction, it’s time those wasted hours paid off.”  

---

When Felix is done brushing his teeth, his mind still on that small gap of time in their schedules, his phone explodes with texts. 

 

ABS

Channie: Schedules came through for today.

Channie: I can practically feel the text Lix is drafting in his head.

Lixie: we have an hour 

Lixie: so maybe we 

Lixie: do the heist 

Lixie: after practice for the award show? 

Jinnie: I thought we weren’t calling it a heist?? 

Jinnie: ‘heist’ sounds scary 

Innie: HEIST HEIST HEIST HEIST !!! 

Hannie: Innie we can’t do a heist…

Innie: !!! what?? Yes we can???  

Hannie: … without knowing our heist roles 

Innie: ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ 

Hannie: obviously Chan and Bin hyungs are the muscle + they can make sure to keep JYP distracted so he doesn’t try to go into his office 

Hannie: Jinnie will be bodyguard bc he’s already halfway to feral about Lix’s safety 

Jinnie: I feel like ur trying to make me feel bad but i’m PROUD of that thank u <3 

Hannie: And you, baby bread, will be lookout with him bc u can scream really loud if everything goes to shit

Hannie: Lixie and Minho hyung will look in the office 

Hannie: & Seungmin will be the hacker 

Innie: and what about u? 

Binnie: Sungie ur the comic relief 

Hannie: ur dead when i find u 

Binnie: ugh calm down -- ur obv going to be the distraction with Jin and IN if things go bad. 

Know: before I have a full brian aneurysm trying to read sung’s texts, just tell me if I have this right- 

Know:  2RACHA is going to be in charge of distracting JYP 

Know : Jinnie is going to be bodyguard outside of the office

Know : Innie is going to be lookout in some form or fashion ft. tweedledumb as comic relief 

Know : while tweedledumber and I look for the list and Seungmin apparently ?? hacks ??

Minnie: Yeah, Ji, what makes you think I can hack? 

Hannie: You just have that vibe about you -- you can, right? U can in all the fanfictions

Minnie: …yeah  

Channie: I really think you should stop reading fanfiction, Ji. It’s going to give you a complex.  

---

“Alright,” their dance instructor claps her hands as the music ends. “Go get some food, take the hour to relax, whatever; then you’re back in here for concert prep, got it?” 

The Kids all murmur subdued, nervous affirmations; their instructor simply rolls her eyes, as if the Stray Kids’ antics are as common as rush hour traffic. When she doesn’t know, thankfully, is the source of their nervousness. 

“Alright,” Chan nods as soon as they exit the practice room. “We can’t all go together, it’ll look suspicious. Hyunjin-ah, you go first with Jisung. If JYP is in his office, just say you’re there to get his revised setlist for me. If he’s not, act disappointed, find out where he is, text us, and wait around the corner by the elevators. I want you to guard the entrance of the hallway, okay> Changibin and I will keep him distracted once we find him. Innie, I want you at the end of the hallway by the stairwell – if you see JYP or any of his assistants, if anyone so much as looks at the office, pretend you just noticed Hyunjin and Jisung and do not let anyone in.”

“Now you three,” he gestures to Minho, Seungmin, and Felix, “will go down the stairwell and hide in the office across from JYP’s. If someone is out there before you can be warned, just say you were looking for an empty room. They were using it for Jung, so it should be empty regardless, but still. If – and only if, Lix – you get the all clear from Hyunjin and Jisung, sneak across the hall, get in there, and be fast. Minho, I expect you to keep an eye on your phone – any text, even if it’s just a keyboard smash, means get the fuck out. ” 

The boys just blink. Chan goes a bit pink and scratches the back of his neck. 

“What?” 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Hyung,” Jeongin whispers. “But you’ve never been this cool before.” 

Chan goes positively magenta at that. 

“Maybe once I’m done being an idol, I’ll become a heist leader,” he mumbles shyly. “Okay, let’s go – we don’t have long.” 

Jeongin trails after him with shiny, wide eyes, and the rest fall into place. They separate at the elevators, Chan and Changbin feigning right down the hall, Innie, Hyunjin, and Jisung waiting for the lift, and Minho, Seungmin, and Felix opting for the stairs, which would deposit them at the end of the hall, right next to JYP’s office. 

They bide their timing down, then pop their heads out and spot Hyunjin and Jisung engaged in conversation with an assistant (whose back is to them, thankfully), Innie idly waiting by JYP’s. He nods at them once, and they quickly rush to the empty office across the hall. The slot for a nameplate is empty, but when they slink inside, Felix spots a box on the desk, half packed, with Jung’s name on the front in thick sharpie. The desktop computer is still plugged in, but the cabinets around the room are open and barren, stripped even of their shelving. 

Minho presses his ear to the door. “They must be trying to get rid of the assistant.” 

“What do you think it’ll look like?” Seungmin asks as they wait in the darkened office, his voice barely a whisper. “Just a list of names?” 

“I guess so,” Felix whispers back. He glances down at his phone again, but neither Hyunjin, Jisung, nor Innie have messaged. “Shit, what’s taking them so long?”

“Relax,” Minho gently scratches at the nape of Felix’s neck. “Give them a moment.” 

As if on cue, his phone buzzes in his palm. 

Jinnie: All clear. Be careful. Team Distraction is on the lookout (Sung made me type that). 

The slide out of the room. Sure enough, ‘Team Distraction’ stands at the fork in the hallway. Hyunjin shoots Felix a wink in the mere seconds they have to see each other. 

JYP’s office is silent. Felix has never really bothered to look at it – even when he was pulled for objectively innocuous meetings, there has always been a part of him stuck in the Survival Show when it comes to interacting with JYP. It’s spacious, of course, and modern – a corner office, half windows behind a massive desk, and half cabinets. Minho sighs at the rows of drawers. 

“I’ll start on this side, you start on the other,” he tells Felix. 

Seungmin slides behind the desktop with all the precision of an actual, real-life hacker, cracks his knuckles and sighs. His eyes flicker to a post it note and he smirks. 

“What?” Felix asks. 

“He left his password on a sticky note,” Seungmin snorts. “I can’t believe people are actually dumb enough to do that.” 

“Hey, Sungie does that,” Minho defends. Seungmin gulps. 

Felix starts digging through file cabinet after file cabinet. He finds that, for the most part, he has no clue what he’s looking at, but more often than not, it all seems very financial or legal – earnings reports, budget allocations, NDAs by the dozen, and contracts by the dozen-er.

“There’s a drawer for each group,” Minho says. “God, we each have our own folder.” 

“Anything in mine?” Felix asks as he closes yet another drawer of budgetary paperwork. 

He doesn’t take his eyes off the drawers – who knows how much time they have, nor how long Chan and Changbin can reasonably keep JYP occupied – but he listens as Minho rifles through pages in a folder. 

“It’s pretty standard – your contracts, your brand deals, health information. Nothing weird, and nothing more current than some information about your LV show.” 

Felix doesn’t relax, but some of the stress bleeds out of his shoulders. 

It’s realistically only ten more minutes of searching, but every second feels shorter and shorter. When he reaches for the final cabinet, he finds Minho’s fingers already under the lip of the drawer. Minho opens it and reveals a drawer of office supplies. 

“Shit,” Felix sighs. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing,” Minho confirms, turning to Felix. He smiles almost instinctively at Felix, but it’s sad. “I’m sorry, Bbokie.” 

“Minnie?” Felix turns to ask. Seungmin’s face is pinched in focus, lit in blue as his eyes flicker side to side at a rapid speed. 

“Looking,” Seungmin says. “His desktop is a mess, honestly it’s a miracle this man has successfully run an entertainment company-”

“Min,” Minho focuses him. 

“Right, right …” Seungmin returns to his rapidfire clicking and typing. Felix slouches onto the ground and resists the urge to hang his head. He was an idiot to think they’d find anything. Hell, even JYP himself spoke about the list like it was an afterthought. He thinks of the boy with pink hair and golden eyes, how he doesn’t even know his name-

Seungmin inhales sharply. 

“What?” Felix asks. 

“I…” Seungmin cocks his head at the computer; if he had puppy dog ears, they’d be lopsided, and in any other situation, Felix would have taken a picture. 

Instead, he and Minho rush to either side of Seungmin. Felix knows a thing or two about computers, and instantly realizes that he’s accessed the computers backend terminal. 

“There’s a program I can’t access,” Seungmin murmurs. 

“What type?” Felix asks. 

“I can’t tell, I don’t recognize it. It’s not a document, though, it’s … oh, it’s a web portal. It’s … I’m not sure what it is, but it has a bunch of subcomponents. Folders and documents and all kinds of stuff.”

“Click into it, I wanna see the names of folders,” Felix says. Seungmin does just that. It’s difficult to divine the actual naming conventions of the folders, but he spots a folder seemingly labeled ‘Idol_Catolog’ that’s taking up a lot of memory. Felix jolts. “That might be it! If they’re keeping information about us in this portal, I bet the list would be here too.”  

They all lean closer to the screen. 

“Can you open it?” Minho asks. 

“It’s huge, I think it would take a while,” Seungmin chews at his lower lip. “Did you find a thumb drive anywhere?” 

Minho and Felix immediately look to the final drawer they’d open. Minho practically tears the drawer out of the cabinet and returns with a thumb drive. He plugs it into one of the USB ports. 

“What are you doing?” Minho asks. 

“Downloading it,” Seungmin says. “If it’s a web portal that’s hidden, we should be able to find data about it on the backend. If we can replicate that, we could access it at home – I don’t know how to do it now-” 

Their phones ping at the same time. 

Channie: We held him as long as we could, but JYP is heading downstairs. 

“We need to go,” Minho says. 

“One more second,” Felix protests. His eyes are locked on the progress bar, watching as the download ticks towards 100%. 

“Fuck,” Minho growls. He shoots a text back. 

Know: Sungie, you’re on. We need a distraction. 

60%, 61%, 64%… 

Felix hears the distant ping of the elevator. 

“Oh, shit,” Seungmin whispers, though he makes no movement to stand, just stays resolutely focused on the progress of the download. 

“C’mon, Aegiya,” Minho whispers to himself. 

“Ah, JYP-nim!” they all jolt at the sound of Jisung’s voice, closer than expected. 

“Jisung,” JYP doesn’t sound unhappy, startled more than anything. “Huh, I just ran into Chan and Changbin upstairs. You all sure take the ‘Stray’ in Stray Kids to heart, don’t you?”

“Hah, we sure do!” Jisung laughs, but is tone is hilariously (or would be) panicky. 

73%, 75%, 79%… 

“Actually, I was hoping to, uh, ask your opinion on a song!” 

Minho’s jaw actually drops. Felix hastily presses his palm over Minho’s mouth on the off chance Minho’s about to gasp. 

83%, 85%, 88% … 

“Well, I don’t know-” 

“We wrote it with you in mind! Covering it, I mean! Or maybe a feature?” 

“Oh God help us,” Seungmin whispers. 

93%, 95%… 

“Me?” JYP asks. “Well, what kind of aura does it carry?” 

Aura, Seungmin mouths, aghast. 

97%, 98%, 99% …

… 99%…  

Why is it stuck at 99%! Felix wants to scream. 

“It’s, um, meant to be kind of …” 

Felix can picture Jisung – wide eyed, bouncing on the balls of his feet, likely staring at the office door, and certainly pink-face – when he completes his statement. 

“... erotic?”

Minho all but rakes his nails down his cheeks. 

“Okay, I’m interested,” JYP says. 

“Here, I can pull up the lyrics – my service is bad, can we move down the hall ?” 

100%. 

The computer dings happily, and Felix bites back a wince as he hears Jisung’s ramblings grow quieter as he steers JYP away from his office. Seungmin practically tears the thumb drive out of the port. 

“Upstairs, go,” Minho hisses. Seungmin peers out of the door and then they beeline for the stairwell – JYP’s back and Jisung’s anxious, red face flashing in surprise – and speed walk to the 3RACHA studio. 

“Oh my God,” Seungmin exhales and sinks onto the couch, his fingers tightly gripping his hair. “That was close.” 

“Too close,” Minho hisses, his fingers flying across his phone screen. 

 

Know: We’re in the studio. 

Jinnie: we’ll head up. We managed to rescue Jisung. 

Binnie: we’re on our way too! 

 

Hyunjin and Jeongin essentially drag a still-red, very miserable looking Jisung through the door.

“Erotic?” Felix can’t help but quip to Jisung. His twin collapses on the couch and buries his head in Felix’s lap; it only slightly muffles his scream.

“What happened to him?” Jeongin asks. 

“He may or may not have locked 3RACHA into writing a song for JYP to cover,” Minho says. Jeongin’s jaw drops. 

Felix pets Jisung’s hair soothingly while trying desperately not to laugh. The adrenaline rush has left him feeling giggly. 

“While I’m loving the Ji torture, I have to ask: what’d you find in the office?” Hyunjin brushes away the daunting 3RACHA ft. JYP single away with a hand, his gaze focused intently on Felix. Felix glances at Seungmin, who reveals the thumbdrive. 

“I found some kind of web program embedded in his desktop,” Seungmin explains. 

“It looks like it might have a catalog on every idol,” Felix adds. “I think that might be where they’re keeping information about us, whether or not the people running the program know it. When we get back, we can open it on my computer-” 

“Mine, Lix,” Seungmin insists. “Your processor is shot from all the games you have downloaded.” 

“Fine,” Felix rolls his eyes. “Point is, we’ll check it and see what we’re working with.” 

A moment later, Chan and Changbin rush into the studio, looking equal parts anxious and flustered. 

“Sung,” Changbin growls, eyes on his phone, “why did I just get an email from JYP about a song collaboration?” 

“He distracted JYP by telling him you want to feature him an erotic new single,” Felix grins. Changbin and Chan just stare at the back of Jisung’s head until the younger rapper turns over. 

“Anything for Lix, right?” Jisung laughs nervously. Changbin glances at Felix, visibly softening, before pointing a stern finger in Jisugn’s face. 

“You’re lucky he’s cute.” 

---

With the heist completed ( for now, Felix amends mentally), they’re much more focused for that evening’s rehearsal; with Jung’s absence, Felix feels insurmountably calmer, even daring to openly order a protein muffin as a snack from the cafe. 

“Let’s just order food to the dorms, I want to get home and talk as quickly as we can” Chan says when rehearsal is finally over. They’re all dripping with sweat, and despite the late hour, the increased burning of calories is taking its toll on each member. They lug their bags down the halls – which, also despite the late hour, are crowded with staff, other idols, and trainees alike. Felix can’t help but stretch his instincts, reaching to sense whatever Angels might be there, but he’s tired, and the way that Hyunjin has his arm wrapped around his waist is grounding in a way that makes him sleepy. Still, his wings are prickling in a distant alert rumble, sore from being bound for so long but aware . 

They turn the corner and Felix collides with the pink-haired boy. Immediately, the prickling in his wings makes sense – and upon seeing the boy again, he feels his instincts preening in recognition.  

“Dai!” Someone gasps – it’s the tall haired boy who Pinky (or Dai, Felix presumes) had hidden behind in the dance room. The taller stoops to help Dai up, glances at Felix and the rest of Stray Kids in the process, and chokes on whatever he was about to say. 

“Ah, our apologies!” A different boy steps in front of the group of trainees and drops into a bow so low and so sudden that Felix’s back twitches in sympathy. “Dai and Jaesang should have been watching where they were going !” 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Dai pouts, then bows to Stray Kids just as deeply. “I’m so, so sorry!” 

“It’s okay,” Chan smiles easily. “No need for the apologies – Lix-ah should have watched where he was going too.” 

Felix grins at Chan. The admonishment is clearly to make the younger trainees feel better, and Felix is happy to play his part. “Yeah, my bad, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“Are you okay? Is it your back?” Tall-boy, Jaesang, brushes his fingers through Dai’s hair. Their presumed leader, who has been looking at Chan like he single handedly invented music as a whole, whips his head to Dai. 

“You’re not hurt, right? Did you eat enough at dinner?” 

“I’m fine, just got a bit clumsy” Dai lifts his head and smiles and – oh, Felix feels gobsmacked. His smile is blinding, and when it makes its way to Stray Kids, he feels the others react as well. “I really am sorry. I … thank you, by the way, for what you said during rehearsal? It meant a lot to get advice from you.” 

He’s addressing Felix now. Felix wants to squish his face between his hands, maybe lock him in a room and away from all potential danger. 

Oh God, I sound like Minho-hyung, Felix thinks. 

“It was nothing,” Felix says bashfully. “I … anything you need, let me know, yeah? It’s not easy being a trainee, we all remember all too well.” 

“ Wow ,” one of the other members gasps a little too loudly. The leader stamps weakly onto his foot, making the boy yelp. Jisung snorts, and in response, Chan does the exact same thing, elbowing him in the side without even needing to look back. 

“We’ll get out of your hair,” the trainee’s leader said with another bow. “Thank you, again.” 

“Get some sleep,” Chan says, an edge of authority in his voice for the first time. “Trust me, working all night is not the solution.” 

“His hypocrisy is astounding,” Minho drawls. 

“We’ll see you around,” Chan rolls his eyes. 

“Thanks again, Felix-ssi,” Dai beams. 

Felix forgets how to walk for a moment. It takes Hyunjin’s insistent tugs before he’s stumbling out of the company and into a van. 

“I think Yongbok just got Felixed for the first time,” Changbin peers at Felix across the seat dividers. 

“Felixed?” he asks. 

“The Felix effect?” Hyunjin smirks. “That trainee - Dai, right? - thanked you and you basically melted.” 

“I did not!” Felix rolls his eyes. “I just … did you see his smile? He’s so cute! And sweet! I just wanna squish him! Were we really that little? I swear we weren’t.” 

Hyunjin and Changbin exchange a knowing glance. Jisung belly laughs. 

“Yeah, definitely the Felix effect.” 

Chan is gnawing on his lower lip as the van pulls away. Felix tracks the movement immediately. “Hyung?” 

Chan glances at the driver, then turns to face Felix fully. 

“It’s him, yeah? He was the one?” 

He’s the angel you met?

“Yeah,” Felix nods. 

The jovial mood evaporates in an instance. 

“His member asked about his back,” Jeongin says carefully, lightly in a way that is for the driver’s benefit alone, all subtext otherwise. “I wonder if it’s been bothering him.” 

“I hope not,” Hyunjin whispers. His gaze is locked on Felix, but everything in his expression screams memories of pre-maturation. 

“Let’s eat in our dorm,” Seungmin says after a long silence. 

“I’ll order now,” Minho says. 

All thoughts of food are gone, at least for Felix, and he can tell Seungmin is also feeling action-oriented because, the second they’re back at the dorms, the two beeline to Seungmin’s room in a heartbeat ( only Lix, I don’t want the rest of you breathing down my neck, he’d insisted). Seungmin powers up his desktop with a rapid-tapping hand atop his keyboard, then inserts the thumbdrive. 

“I’m scared,” Felix admits. “I’m scared we'll find something bad.” 

Seungmin turns around to face him. Maybe it’s because Felix is usually avoidant of admitting his own fears, or maybe it’s the aftershock remnants of seeing an Angel even more naive than Felix himself, but he leans to the side to press his head against Felix’s stomach. 

“It’ll be okay,” Seungmin says. “New information is scary, but it’s powerful. The more we know, right? Like with Yeong-su in Paris?” 

“Look how that turned out,” Felix grumbles. Seungmin snorts. 

“Yeah, this time you don’t make all the decisions, I think.” 

Seungmin’s computer pings. “Upload complete,” Felix reads. Seungmin nods, sits up, and navigates to his downloads. 

“It’s … it’s a database,” Seungmin says. 

“Open it,” Felix whispers. 

Seungmin double clicks, and his browser opens in a flurry of new windows. Felix blinks at the desktop as he tries to take in what he’s seeing. 

“Shit, a login?” He whimpers. 

“I think I remember JYP’s login,” Seungmin says anxiously. 

“Do it!” Felix urges, but Seungmin hesitates. 

“If I get it wrong, he might get a notification.”

“Well, do you think you remember it or do you think you don’t,” Felix says kindly. 

“I think I do, but what if-”

“Seungminnie,” Felix nudges Seungmin’s shoulder with his elbow. “You’re probably the smartest one here – don’t tell Minho-hyung I said that, though. If you think you remember it? I trust you.” 

Seungmin goes immediately pink, and if it were any other situation, Felix would pinch his cheeks until Seungmin, inevitably, pushed him off. Instead, he opts for manually placing Seungmin’s fingers on top of his keyboard. 

Seungmin types in JYPs username, the top-half of his JYPE-associated email. His fingers hesitate as he enters the password, writing it first on a post-it note as if trying to recreate what he remembers (jYP3-l0g!N, and Felix forces himself not to laugh). With a final glance at Felix, who nods, he presses enter. 

For a moment, there’s just a greying-out of text and a spinning circle of the cursor. 

And then they’re in. Just like real hackers. Jisung would love this, Felix thinks.

“I knew you could do it!” Felix chirps, smacking a kiss on top of Seungmin’s head before his roommate can protest. 

It’s a webportal, like Seungmin predicted, and a homepage at that. Felix narrows his eyes at the options. There’s what seems to be a live calendar, optionably filtered by different sectors of employment. They could see the day-to-day schedule for any person working within JYPE, idol or not. There’s a tab that takes them to a message portal, and when Seungmin scrolls through the inbox, mindful not to open any messages, they realize it’s exclusively for communication between JYPE and other brands. There’s a tab that opens an entirely separate window, and at first it looks like an overly-complicated data table. 

“It’s all of the idols,” Felix realizes. Sure enough, it’s the Idol_Catalog he’d noticed in the office.

The database is detailed to a point that is dizzying. It contains their medical information, their latest style guides, presumably for sharing with stylists, information about their strengths, brand deals, their present-day residencies; there’s a whole different tab for scandals, another for NDAs signed, and Felix can only assume a series are in relation to dating. Felix gets why this is under more-intensive lock-and-key. If this document ever got leaked, it would spell disaster for idols and staff alike. 

“Search for Dai,” Felix says. 

“Spelling?” 

“Not sure, try both? He’ll be in the same grouping as a ‘Jaesang’, right?” 

Seungmin’s guess of an ‘i’, instead of an ‘e’, proves to be correct. The cell to the right, which would otherwise state the group name, just say TRAINEE. 

“Click the medical history tab.” 

Seungmin’s cursor hovers over the link. “This feels so wrong.” 

“I can do it if you want,” Felix immediately offers. “I don’t want to make you do it if it feels intrusive-” 

“It’s fine,” Seungmin shakes his head. “I know why we’re doing it. I just never expected I would be.”

Clicking the link pulls up not a document, but a folder. Seungmin whistles. “Wow, this has every appointment he’s ever been to since he started with JYPE. Physicals, therapies, dermatology…” 

Seungmin clicks the latest upload, a sports physical from only three weeks earlier. It looks photocopied, outlining the procedures taken: weight ( too low, so an idol’s fine ), lungs and heart ( healthy ), sensory responses ( potential nerves issues in the right hip flexor, otherwise good ). 

“Oh shit,” Seungmin murmurs. He’d read ahead and his cursor circles around Notes. 

Felix reads and gasps. “Patient reports irritation in back; Patient to utilize prescription cream and return if symptoms don’t reduce.” 

Felix sinks onto Seungmin’s bed. 

“If it’s his wings, he’s fucked,” Seungmin says. 

“Does it say if a return appointment was scheduled?” Felix asks. Seungmin scrolls quickly through the document. 

“Not that I can see. I mean, would that make a difference?” Felix doesn’t answer. It’s his silence, he presumes, that makes Seungmin turn. “Felix, would that make a difference ? You promised you wouldn’t get involved-”

“He’s just a kid,” Felix whimpers. 

“And you have wings!” Seungmin hisses. “You promised-”

“I know,” Felix says sharply. “Fuck, I … okay, can you search sunshine in the medical history folder?” 

Seungmin presses his lips tightly, clearly biting back more protests, but when Felix stands again to peer at the computer, he turns his chair and types.

“Nothing,” he says; Felix can see as much, the search results are void. Seungmin clicks back to the database and scrolls horizontally. “There, ‘trainee feedback’.” 

Clicking the link opens a similar folder to the medical history one, but rather than photocopied documents, it’s filled with emails: emails from dance teachers, form instructors, form vocal coaches and media staff and managers. Seungmin clicks on a recent one (PARK_DAI_CHOREO_v5) from the choreographer Felix had seen him and the others working with the day before. 

Clearly, there’s a template for providing feedback on trainees. A number on a scale of 1 to 10 for dancing, singing, rapping, charisma, attitude, visuals, and more. Felix is pleased to see that Dai ranks highly on nearly every category, save rapping. The choreographer has filled it with her latest assessment, including Dai’s areas to improve, and the improvements he’s made so far. 

“Go to an earlier one,” Felix says. “Go to something Jung wrote.” 

“Jung?” Seungmin asks. Felix grits his teeth. 

“If he didn’t like me, chances are he didn’t like Dai.” 

Seungmin searches for Jung, and a few results crop up. He clicks on the earliest one. He hasn’t circled many low numbers, but unlike the choreographer, he rated Dai’s charisma at a 3 and his attitude at a 1. He’s filled in very little in the ‘Assets’ section, but his writing overflows out of the box for ‘Concerns’. 

“Look,” Felix taps at the screen, towards the bottom of the paragraph. 

Dai is not prepared for the stress of idol hood, and the adoration his fellow trainees have for him will only further risk their own focuses. He requires too much hand holding, draws too much attention, and, as he is now, will prevent any future members from allocating adequate attention to their own responsibilities. I recommend he be flagged for the list and watched carefully. 

“The list,” Seungmin whispers. 

“JYP commented,” Felix takes the mouse from Seungmin and clicks on the comment at the side of the document. Add Park Dai. “Shit, he agreed.” 

Felix navigates away from the window and back to the homepage of the portal. He types sunshine into the search bar with shaking hands. 

No single document pops up, but a folder, titled Trainees, is highlighted to indicate ‘sunshine’ exists somewhere inside. Within it are subfolders by year, and the current year’s folder, once opened, is only further divided. Documents for current trainees by gender, by genre, and then by name. Felix searches sunshine again-

His breath shocks to a stop. There are several documents, also sorted by year. At the top of the folder: SUNSHINE_CANDIDATES_2025.

Seungmin has to take the mouse from Felix, who feels terror grip him into a paralysis. Seungmin’s other hand gently weaves their fingers together, rubbing soothing circles across his skin. He double clicks. 

It’s simple. The header is the same as the document name, a single line above a list of names. For trainee candidates who exhibit concerns as it relates to their fellow trainees. 

The list is sixteen long. Sixteen names, with links to what Felix can only guess are relevant reviews and feedback documents. Pictures, too, each one a trainee smiling with stars in their eyes. The final column is as daunting as it is simple. Elimination decision. Across the names, that column is empty thus far.

Dai is closer to the bottom of the table, his hair soft brown in the picture, and he looks somehow younger. 

“Go to the document for 2017,” Felix says. Seungmin freezes. 

“Are you sure-”

“Please,” Felix whispers. Seungmin goes back, opens SUNSHINE_CANDIDATES_2017. It’s the exact same template as the 2025 document, twenty-four names long, but most of the rows are crossed out. 

And there he is at the top of the page. Baby-faced Felix, freckles covered entirely, smile sunshiney but nervous. He’s crossed out too. 

“I guess they decide to cross you out when you ‘pass’,” Seungmin says. He scrolls to the elimination column. Kept based on improvements in composure and positive fan response. Monitoring no longer required. 

But there are a few names that aren’t crossed out – five, to be specific; they’re greyed. Eliminated , says the column. 

“No,” Felix whispers. 

“That just means they were let go from the company,” Seungmin says quickly. “It doesn’t mean the Hunters or the Bureau caught them.” 

Felix crouches in front of the desk and opens a new browser. He chooses one of the greyed out names at random (Hana Kim), types her name into the search bar- 

A news article from 2019. Two year anniversary for missing Busan resident Kim Hana.

“Felix,” Seungmin murmurs. “C’mon, you’re shaking-” 

Felix ignores him. He copies another name from the list. 

Family requests information in the case of son, missing for two weeks–

Concerns grow as authorities fail to find eighteen-year-old Gwangju resident– 

Sister of missing teenager pleads with the public for any information–

Suspected kidnapping: trace runs cold after three months–

“One minute,” Felix whispers, standing. “I just need one minute.” 

Seungmin stands too, his hands outstretched. 

“Wait, Lix-” 

Felix shakes Seungmin away and stumbles into the hallway. Panic is crawling its way up his body, and suddenly the sensation of elastic on his wings is overwhelming. As soon as he’s in his room, he tears off his sweater and throws the bandages to the ground. His wings wrap around him and he shoves his face into the feathers with a choked sob, curling onto his bed without bothering to turn on his lamp. 

Is it someone at the company? It has to be – the list is too perfect, too ideal, a curated menu for anyone who wants to find angels; or maybe someone got access to the web portal, much like Stray Kids themselves were able to. Whoever they are, they have to be associated with the Hunters or the Bureau. The reports of missing people are too perfect to be coincidence, and given what Wooyoung had shared about his cousin going missing, multiple people were following her; a multi-person job to kidnap someone means a multi-person organization. 

And Wooyoung’s cousin was taken before her maturation, wasn’t she? Do they keep the angels until their wings burst into existence? Felix thought his maturation was bad, but he can’t imagine what a maturation would be like locked away, knowing that only pain and fear existed on the other side of agony. 

Felix squeezes his eyes shut against the threat of tears, but doing so only brings the photographs of missing trainees front and center in his mind. He was so anxious as a trainee – anxious enough to fall headfirst into restriction – but he was worried about being eliminated, about being good enough, about whether or not he would learn Korean or if he would let his members down; he can’t believe that, while he was panicking about mastering rapping in a second language, trainees were going missing left and right. He has no clue how he missed it, how it’s potentially been missed for years; there must have been an excuse given to their absences, or maybe when they were let go from the company, their absences weren’t given a second thought. 

The tears can’t be held back anymore, nor can his fear. They escape him in little gasps and muffled whimpers. He feels helpless – not for himself, for once, but for what have to be thousands of Angels around the world. 

He doesn’t hear anyone enter, but he feels the dip on his bed as someone sits. 

“D-did Seungmin tell you?” Felix cries. 

“He said you found the list,” Hyunjin answers. Felix scooches to the side and Hyunjin wordlessly lies next to him, opening his arms so that Felix can curl onto him, his face pressed hard against Hyunjin’s neck. He takes a long, shuddering breath, inhaling the familiar scent of Hyunjin and calming his breaths in equal measure. 

“He’s flagged,” Felix whimpers. “Dai. He’s on the list.” 

Hyunjin stiffens. “I … he reminds me so much of you. And his friend - I couldn’t help but feel like I was looking at us.” 

“He went to a doctor because his back was bothering him,” Felix whispers. “They seem to think it’s just a dermatology problem, but if it doesn’t get better, he’ll go back again.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t respond, but Felix feels the way his breath catches, and his arms tighten almost to the point of painful like he’s anchoring himself to Felix, or vice versa. 

“You want to stop him, don’t you.” 

Felix doesn’t answer, but his silence is probably just as loud. 

“You want to help all of them, don’t you.” 

More silence. 

“We don’t lie to each other, remember?” Hyunjin says, but not unkindly.

“I don’t know how I can live with myself if I don’t do anything,” Felix whispers. 

“But Lixie,” Hyunjin murmurs, shifting until Felix lifts his head and looks him in the eye. “I need you to live for yourself. They don’t have their wings yet or they wouldn’t be at the company. You do. ” 

“And I at least know I’m an Angel,” Felix reminds him. “Jinnie, Wooyoung’s cousin was taken before her maturation. And when I was a trainee? Five people were taken after they were let go from the company. I looked it up, Jinnie, they all had missing person’s reports put out about them!”

The tears return, hot and somewhere between angry and grieving. Hyunjin takes a shuddering breath as he pulls Felix back against his chest, and this time Felix snakes his arm around Hyunjin’s torso to cling back.

“Please,” Hyunjin says again, and the rasp in his voice sounds painful as his rumbles against Felix’s body. “I just got you back.” 

Something close to guilt joins the turmoil of emotions spiraling in Felix’s head. Hyunjin looks destroyed at the very fact that Felix was taken. And Felix … Felix can’t bear to be the reason that anxious looks stays on Hyunjin’s face for a moment longer. 

“Please don’t get involved,” Hyunjin begs. “We can try to figure something out, but I’m begging you. Don’t get yourself involved. Don’t tell them what you know – you’re too visible.” 

“Okay, Hyune,” Felix whispers. Hyunjin pulls him against his body again, and he’s trembling. Felix clings back, prays he can exude comfort and presence with the strength of his embrace alone. “I won’t get involved. I won’t tell them.” 

Hyunjin runs his thumb across Felix’s face again, trying to brush away the wetness of tears. Felix does the same, because oh – the glassiness in Hyunjin’s eyes has overflowed. For a while, they just lay there, trying to erase the fear and sadness in the most meaningless way. If Felix could, he would dive into Hyunjin’s mind and handpick the nightmarish memories out of his head like weeds. 

“Dinner?” Hyunjin asks eventually. “You haven’t eaten enough today.”

Felix isn’t hungry, but he knows it’ll make Hyunjin and Minho and the others anxious if he refuses. “Neither have you.”

Hyunjin smiles, “We’re pretty good at looking out for each other, aren’t we.” 

Finally, Felix feels a real kernel of happiness – one that is able to burn a little more warmly than his icy fear. “We always have been.” 

Felix grunts his way to standing and starts to head towards his bedroom door.  

“Hey,” Hyunjin says before they leave, tugging Felix to a stop and running a hand down his feathers. “I … I love how much you care, you know that, right?” 

Felix feels like his chest is going to crack open. 

“I know.” 

Hyunjin bites his lip. “I know I’m being selfish. I just can’t lose you again.” 

“It’s not selfish,” Felix says. “I think it’s just love.” 

Hyunjin smiles, but his eyes are still sad. “Or maybe you’re just braver than me.” 

---

An hour later, once Felix is less so on the verge of tears and more so on the verge of sprinting to the trainee dorms, he and Seungmin explain what they found on the database. Hyunjin is not the only one who asks that Felix not get involved. In fact, Felix is the only one who seems to be on the side of getting involved in any capacity. 

“It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I care about you a lot,” Chan’s words are the judge’s gavel on the conversation. “There might be a chance his back problems are unrelated, right?” 

Except Chan doesn’t even believe what he’s saying, and Felix can tell. 

And Chan can tell that Felix can tell. He sighs. 

“Okay, what if Seungmin keeps an eye on the calendar and, if we see that Dai has a doctor’s appointment scheduled, we’ll act then. But for how, you don’t reach out, you don’t say anything, et cetera. If something goes wrong, I will be the one to step in, not you.” 

And well … Felix’s ideas of how to solve the problem are definitely crossing the line of ‘getting involved’ and ‘very much stepping in’ , so he just nods and forces down another bite of food. 

The members didn’t comment on his tears or his red eyes, but they’re somehow sweeter with him than they normally are when everyone disappears for sleep, Hyunjin assuring him that he’ll be waiting in Felix’s bed while Felix showers off the day’s sweat and grief. He exits the bathroom and is just starting to close his bedroom door half-way closed behind him, intent on crawling into bed, when he overhears Seungmin and Chan at their front door.

“I’m worried that Lix is going to start hyperfixating on the portal,” Chan is saying. Felix presses himself more closely against the door frame. 

“I think that’s a fair concern,” Seungmin says. Felix frowns. “You don’t actually think he’d reach out to the other maybe-Angels, do you?” 

Chan’s silence is telling, and even though he’s right, Felix feels a bubble of frustration building in his stomach. 

“I don’t blame him,” Chan says. “I meant it when I asked if you can keep an eye on the calendar. Based on those medical records, the doctor he went to didn’t seem overly suspicious about his back, so I think if something got scheduled, I could get it moved. But I worry that Felix might take a … more drastic approach?”

The bubble of frustration merges with appreciation. Felix should never doubt that Chan keeps his word. He just wishes the words didn’t happen behind Felix’s back, at least not when his name played such a prominent role in the decisions. 

“I’ll keep an eye out. Don’t worry, Hyung.” 

“And if you see anything about him … please let me know, okay? I know he wanted the list to keep an eye on the trainees, so we need to keep an eye out for him.” 

“Already on it, don’t worry yourself into an early grave,” Seungmin says. 

Felix waits until Seungmin heads to the bathroom, dashes to his desk, and digs through the drawers until he finds a thumb drive. Then he runs to Seungmin’s room, says a quick prayer that his roommate will opt for a longer-than-usual shower, and copies the web portal to the extra thumb drive. 

Felix retreats back into his room, closing the door silently behind him; Hyunjin had fallen asleep almost as soon as he crawled into Felix’s bed, and he doesn’t move an inch when Felix wraps their legs together.

Felix texts Yeong-su: can we meet up? 

And then he googles the definition of “getting involved.” 

---

Yeong-su doesn’t respond the next morning, and his silence stretches. 

By noon, he’s read the text, but there’s no response. 

“Nothing?” Jisung peers over his shoulder while they’re waiting for an elevator. 

“I don’t know why he’s not responding,” Felix murmurs, voice so quiet Jisung has to lean towards him to hear. “I need to talk to him. He doesn’t know about the Sanctus bell.” 

“Maybe he’s scared, Lix,” Jisung soothes him. “Maybe he doesn’t want to risk being seen with you in case people are watching.” 

Realistically, he knows Yeong-su is a model, and likely busy with his own life. But he’d hoped that, in the light of Felix’s kidnapping, he might recognize an increased risk in being an angel in Seoul. He sends another text, not caring about how desperate he comes across ( it’s kind of life or death ahaha ) and swipes away from his messages. It leaves his email open, the order confirmation from last night tempting him to hit ‘track package’ for the eighth time. 

Felix had determined that the definition of “getting involved” was nebulous at best, and further determined that anonymously overnight-shipping noise-canceling headphones to the sixteen trainees does not entirely cross the line. It’s not like he’d be delivering them, right? 

He doesn't tell the members, though. He doesn’t think they’d appreciate the ( equally anonymous! ) message of: Please wear these when you’re alone! It helps with pain! Xoxo - Someone who wants to help ♡  

It’s only after he’s pressed order (on his Mom’s Amazon account, and he had to lie to her too and say it’s a surprise for some of the staff) that he feels a bit of panic. What are the odds that the trainees ask each other if anyone else received a mysterious set of headphones? At least he had the foresight to choose from random brands in random colors. 

Over the next day and a half, he continues his given mission of not “getting involved”, which seems to pacify Hyunjin as much as it makes him suspicious. So he spends the next 50-plus hours panicking and stressing whenever the eyes are off of him (which isn’t very often), 

He decides it’s not “getting involved” when he checks the web portal first thing in the mornings ( on my own computer, take that, Seungmin and Chan , he thinks, despite the long loading time Seungmin had accurately predicted) to see if Dai has a followup appointment scheduled, and as many times as possible throughout the day.

And it’s not “getting involved” if he spreads far too long reading every piece of feedback all sixteen trainees have received so far each night. 

Definitely not “getting involved” when Felix half-memorizes Dai’s schedules, and still not “getting involved” when he takes to walking strategically through the company just to pass the rooms the boy is scheduled to be in. Dai notices him nearly every time – Felix wonders if it’s his growing instincts alerting him – and always smiles, brightly but shyly. 

After a day and a half, just a few days before the award show, Jeongin and Felix pull the short straws of getting coffee for the members. Felix instinctively leads Innie past the practice room he knows Dai is in and instinctively pauses by the window, only for the class to let out. Innie and Felix pause, letting the panting trainees trail into the hallway. Dai is the last to emerge and he’s halfway to pulling a pink pair of noise canceling headphones over his ears when he spots them. 

“Felix-ssi! Jeongin-ssi!” He bows. 

“Hyung is fine,” Jeongin says. His chest puffs out at the statement, and Felix knows he loves being a hyung; it probably reminds him of being home. Dai goes pink, but his smile widens. 

“O-okay!” He stutters. His eyes catch on Felix’s headphones, the same pair as Dai’s, and his smile widens into something a bit more genuine. “Ah, hyung, we match!” 

Felix feels his face freeze in shock for just a moment, and he’s very sure that Jeongin is noticing. 

“Oh wow, yeah!” Felix forces himself to respond. “They’re really effective!” 

“It’s crazy, I can barely hear anything when I wear them, which is basically all the time,” Dai says. His lips quirk in an almost smile, and Felix knows he must be thinking of the anonymous note that accompanies the shipment. He hikes his dance bag more securely over his shoulder and winces. 

“Back okay?” Felix asks before he can stop himself. Jeongin glances at him, but Felix refuses to meet his eye. 

“Kind of?” Dai shrugs. “It’s just my skin, really. It’s like, itchy and red? But sometimes it hurts? And now the skin is bumpy which is so weird…” 

Felix swears his throat is closing up. Jeongin’s suspicious glances have been replaced with wide-eyed terror. 

“Uh, sorry, that was probably TMI,” Dai flushes deeply and drops his gaze. 

“No, you’re good,” Jeongin says quickly. “Just relieved it’s not more serious! I mean, Lix-hyung has dealt with disc problems before, so I think we were both worried it was that.” 

Felix is still frozen, but some part of him (probably the media trained part) remembers to nod. 

“It’s probably not serious, right?” Dai chews at his lower lip. “I went to an emergency clinic, but my choreographer saw today and insisted I get an appointment at the company clinic-” 

“No!” Felix yells. 

Jeongin pinches Felix at the waist. 

“Sorry!” Felix immediately says in the exact volume as his yell. Dai looks genuinely frightened. “Sorry, it’s just, um, the company clinic can be so ugh , you know?” 

Ugh? Felix wants to hit himself. Thankfully, Dai’s apparent reverence for him and Stray Kids in general seems to act as a buffer against complete social ineptitude. His smile warps into more of a grimace. 

“Yeah, I was trying to get out of it, but my manager already scheduled it for this afternoon, I think? So I don’t have much of a choice. Fingers crossed it’s nothing bad, yeah?” 

He bows, dashing away before Felix can so much as begin to hyperventilate. 

“Hyung? Hyung, c’mon, you’re freaking me out!” Jeongin can’t exactly shake him in the middle of the company hall, so he settles for tugging aggressively at Felix’s hand. 

Dai has a doctor’s appointment. 

Dai has a doctor’s appointment because his back is bothering him. 

Dai has a doctor’s appointment because his back is red and prickling and this is so bad. 

“I’ll meet you up there,” Felix whispers. Jeongin’s eyes flash wide. 

“What? No, where the fuck are you about to go?” Jeongin hisses out the whisper. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Felix hisses back. “I … I need …” 

The idea comes to him the way a tidal wave crashes against a body. 

“I need to login into the portal,” he snaps. “I can cancel the appointment myself!” 

“Shit, hyung, I don’t know,” Innie looks torn. “That’s interfering a lot- ”

“I can’t let him go in there!” Felix barely gets the words out. 

“You don’t have a computer!” Jeongin reminds him. “And it’s not like you can break into JYP’s office again.” 

Felix groans, tightens his fingers in his hair and resists the urge to pull, then freezes. “Wait, there was a computer in Jung’s old office. It was still plugged in.” 

Jeongin furrows his brow, but Felix sees the moment understanding hits him. 

“Please, Innie,” Felix says, low and honest. “I need to help him. Please don’t make me have to fight you about this.” 

Because Felix will. Obviously not physically, he would rather die, but he will happily flee from the younger, make up something – anything – to get Dai out of certain death. And he knows it, too. It’s not like Jeongin wants Dai to be in danger either. Jeongin looks down the hall, down towards where Dai had disappeared, his lips pursed and just shy of trembling. 

“Fine. Let’s go. But I’m texting Hyungs.” 

Felix is walking before Jeongin even finishes speaking. They’re already on the same floor as Jung’s old office, but they have to weave through so many people on their way that Felix feels like they’re moving through sand. When they make it to Jung’s office, Jeongin forces him to slow down and wait until traffic isn’t so severe by the elevators and they can slip inside without being noticed. 

Felix exhales when they enter the room – the desktop is still there, still plugged in. Felix all but jumps into the desk chair while Jeongin hovers by the door. He logs out of the desktop and types in JYP’s credentials. 

“You have them memorized? Have you been checking the portal yourself?” Jeongin whispers. Felix shoots him a glare and Jeongin raises his hands up with affronted surrender. He fishes the thumb drive out of his bag (ignoring Jeongin’s sound of shock) and opens the program. It loads slowly, agonizingly, and every second feels like an inch closer Dai walks unknowingly towards danger 

“There it is,” Felix growls at the calendar: Park Dai Appointment 2:30 | Kang. Felix bites his tongue, cracks his knuckles, and right clicks on the appointment. 

“Hyung,” Jeongin hisses. “Can we please call Chan before you do something risky?” 

“I can cancel it from here,” Felix says. 

“And what if that makes JYP suspicious?” Jeongin asks. “What if he changes his password?” 

Felix grits his teeth. Then he pulls out his phone. Chan answers on the first ring. 

“Lix? Where are you and Innie, we’re all about to die from caffeine withdrawals-”

“I’m in Jung’s old office, and I’m about to cancel a doctor’s appointment Dai has at the company clinic at 2:30.” 

Chan is silent for a moment. “What?” 

“Innie and I just ran into him in the hall. It’s his back, he said it’s red and itchy. Just like mine was.” 

“Are you in the portal right now?” 

“Yes,” Felix says. “You can yell at me about it later-” 

“Lix, I’m not - ugh, okay. Don’t cancel anything yet, just wait there while I call the trainee manager. I’ll text you when I’m off the phone, and you tell me the second they move his appointment, okay?” 

“Fine,” Felix grits. And then, because guilt is just going to further frazzle his instincts, he sighs. “Thanks. Sorry.” 

“Let me know when you see.” 

Chan hangs up. 

“He’s pissed,” Felix sighs. 

“I am too!” Jeongin says, though there’s not a lot of heat in his words. “You said you wouldn’t-” 

“I lied, I guess,” Felix cuts Jeongin off. “I know, I was supposed to do nothing. I’m sorry, turns out I couldn’t.” 

Jeongin peers at him from his spot by the door; he doesn’t look angry, and it’s not quite concern narrowing his eyes; whatever the expression is, it’s closer to scrutiny than anything else. Eventually, he sighs and walks over to the desk, peering at the box of Jung’s belongings. 

“Wonder when he’s gonna grab this stuff?”

“He’s probably bitter,” Felix gratefully accepts the shift in conversation, though his eyes remain locked on the calendar as he refreshes over and over again. “He’s been at the company for a while, based on what I’d seen in the database.” 

Because in every trainee’s feedback folders going back for several years, Jung had been all too happy to pile on the criticism. And for nearly half of the trainees on the Sunshine lists, Jung seems to have been the one to put them there. 

Jeongin plucks a stress ball from the box and tosses it in his hand. “Well, good riddance to him.” 

Felix smiles weakly as Chan’s text comes through: They should be moving the appointment. You and I are going to have a conversation later. 

“Definitely pissed,” Felix murmurs to himself. On his next refresh, the appointment is gone, replaced with: Trainee Group 4 | Stray Kids Workshop. He quickly responds to Chan (it’s on the portal. and i figured.) “But he did it.” 

“Can we get out of here, then?” Jeongin asks. “You’re so paying for my coffee.” 

“Deal,” Felix acquiesces. He shuts off the computer, bathing the room in darkness. He fumbles for the thumbdrive, missing it without the blue light of the screen-

“Hyung?” 

Jeongin’s voice is no longer irritable. It is scared. Felix looks up at him, but Jeongin is staring into the box, his features carved in a golden glow. He reaches into the box, gasps, and pulls out a small, glowing stone. 

Felix feels the world come to a stop. All he can stare at is the stone in Jeongin’s hand. Achingly familiar. 

“Is that a Houndswater Stone?” Felix rushes to Jeongin’s side with shaking footsteps. Asking is unnecessary as soon as Jeongin tilts it towards Felix. If the ruffling of his wings wasn’t sign enough, seeing it is all the confirmation Felix needs: it’s identical to the one Yeong-su gave him. 

“Why would Jung have a Houndswater stone?” Jeongin asks. When Felix lifts his gaze, he can practically see the puzzle solving behind Jeongin’s eyes – at the exact same time he solves it himself. 

If he thought the world came to a stop when he saw the stone, it’s nothing compared to the way horrible, icy realization sinks in his stomach like a brick. Jung, who has never liked Felix, who has pushed him and questioned him and needled him time and time again – the same Jung who has a Houndswater stone in his office; who has been at the company for years, who leaves scathing reviews about trainees' personalities. 

“He’s the reason they have the list,” Felix whispers. “Jeongin, he’s finding Angels at the company-”  

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than time slows; it’s not frozen, but slippery, like molasses. Felix knows , somehow, that they only have seconds, and that someone is coming. 

He looks around the room desperately. Under the desk would be no good – not only would someone potentially spot Jeongin beneath the gap, but if Jung circles the desk, there’s nothing to hide him. The cabinets, however … emptied as they are, they’re large enough to hide in. 

Time snaps back to normal speed and Felix grabs Jeongin by the shoulders. “We need to hide in the cabinets. Someone’s coming.” 

“What?” Jeongin asks, and then he shakes his head, as if reminding himself what these kinds of requests usually mean. “You first-” 

“No-”

“Stop arguing! Let me fucking protect you!” Jeongin hisses. The pure protectiveness, combined with the curse, shocks Felix enough that he doesn’t remember to fight; Jeongin uses the moment of hesitation to herd Felix into one of the cabinets furthest from the desk and closes the door. Felix bites back a whimper only when he sees Jeongin, through the slats in the cabinet, crawl into one as well. For a moment, the glow of Jeongin’s phone shines through the slats of his cabinet, but then it’s gone, and Felix prays he’s texting Chan.   

The door opens just as Felix realizes that the Houndstooth stone is still on the desk. And it’s still glowing. 

Fuck, why is it still glowing! 

Jung freezes as soon as he steps in, and his eyes immediately narrow in on the stone. He doesn’t move to it, just slides his eyes slowly across the room.

“Who’s in here?” He asks. He ducks down to check beneath the desk, rises, and peers out into the hallway from left to right. His eyes catch again, but this time on the computer; he walks to it, but Felix can’t tell what he’s doing, the monitor blocking his view. Jung reaches across the desk, and then he’s cupping the stone in his hand, rolling it back and forth. He doesn’t grin at it, but something dark glows in his eyes, illuminated gold by the light emanating from the stone. 

“If you’re in here, just know,” Jung growls, taking a slow step into the center of the room. “I will so enjoy clipping your wings.”

Felix bites hard on his tongue and starts mentally counting in French, but the glow doesn’t reduce. Jung takes another step forward, another, and his eyes narrow in on the cabinet Jeongin is currently crouched in- 

“Jung-ssi,” a voice snarls from the hall. Jung stiffens and drops the stone into his box of belongings. A moment later, a security guard appears, one Felix recognizes from his usual post in the lobby. “Come with me. You’re not supposed to be here.” 

“I need my things,” Jung says coldly, tapping at the side of the box. 

“And you were told your things would be sent to you,” the guard sounds unimpressed, and he crosses his arms tightly across his chest in a way that emphasizes his muscles. 

“Can I at least check the cabinets-” 

“You can leave now or I can call the police,” the guard snaps. “Come on.” 

Jung actually scowls, and that must be the guard's tipping point, because a moment later he had Jung’s arms twisted behind his back and is dragging the man out of the room. 

“Wait – you can’t do this!” 

“I actually can-” 

The door closes, muffling the rest of the noise. 

Felix doesn’t move. Neither does Jeongin. Jeongin’s probably waiting for some kind of all clear from Chan, but Felix doesn’t think he can do more than breathe. 

I will so enjoy clipping your wings. 

The door opens, revealing a panting Chan. He closes the door behind him quickly. “Guys?” 

Jeongin practically tumbles from his hiding spot. Chan rushes to him, lifts him to standing, and before he can ask where Felix is, Jeongin opens Felix’s cabinet door as well. 

Chan takes one look at him and his expression darkens. 

“What happened?” 

Jeongin opens his mouth, then closes it, eyes flickering from Felix to Chan and back like he’s not sure what to say. 

“It’s Jung,” Felix rasps. 

“What’s Jung?” 

Felix looks up, and whatever expression of grief he wears makes Chan wince. “Jung knows about Angels. I… I think he’s part of the Bureau.” 

Notes:

who saw that coming? JK literally all of y'all for the second I introduced Jung.

like I said in my opening note, things are about to get real! I hate writing the members fighting/Felix making not great choices, but alas – plot requires characters to be a little dumb sometimes.

So yeah, not the fluffiest, not the coziest, but illuminating !

See u (hopefully!!!) Thursday!!!

Chapter 22: i can't take it anymore, what should i do?

Summary:

They say you shouldn't stare directly at the sun.

(All eyes are on Felix; things come to a head).

Notes:

hello angel bbys! happy Thursday!

I bring u a chapter that is 80% conversations and so much drama it's not even funny. I'm sorry (not I'm not)!

ft. Dai and the babies !! and yay I'm so glad y'all love them too!

edited to add!! I uploaded a new work, tail feathers , to store behind the scenes/one shot fics within the air beneath universe! only one chapter for now, featuring the absolute nonsense conversation Felix and Jisung have in the bathroom after the LV show (chapter 14) <3

Felix, Chan, and Jeongin don’t walk to the 3RACHA studio. They don’t really run either. They kind of stumble in a mass of gripping hands and shifting eyes, looking all manners of stunned and frantic and probably unprofessional, at least to the people they pass. 

And with every person they pass, Felix can’t help but wonder if they, too, work for the Bureau. Was Jung the only one, or is there a web of employees with eyes searching for irritated backs, teary emotions, protective outbursts? 

As soon as they enter the studio, Felix sinks onto the couch and hangs his head between his knees. 

“Are you okay?” Jeongin asks softly. 

Yes? No? I don’t know? Felix wants to say. It’s like the words won’t come; he feels almost drunk, the world spinning around him in a way that makes his stomach church. 

Felix can’t get the day off, and he doesn’t bother asking – but his sanity is being held by a tenuous thread and he can’t quite fathom how he’s going to get through a meeting with Dai and his group members. He needs Hyunjin, needs his hand on Felix’s wings, the small of him pressed against Felix’s nose; needs to feel his arms engulf Felix, hide him from the rest of the world- 

Barely a moment later, Hyunjin barrels into the studio, his hair still wet with sweat from whatever dance he was practicing and every muscle tensed like he’s ready to fight, but panic rimming his eyes. The other members are on his heels – and for a moment, Felix is overcome with a bizarre urge to laugh. 

It was never supposed to be like this for them, he thinks. All of them, wide-eyed and frantic-breathed and so fucking scared. He sees the moment they all recognize him, recognize that Felix is alive; he hates the way that they visibly relax. 

And that really shouldn’t be the assumption, should it? That a panicked message from Chan means mortal danger? 

Hyunjin takes three long stops across the room, sits onto the couch, and wraps himself around Felix. Despite his height and long limbs, Felix cradles him tightly against his body. 

“I’m okay,” he says. 

“You’ve gotta stop saying that,” Jeongin says, a bit of tension behind his words. 

“I was so scared,” Hyunjin admits – low, like a secret just for Felix, and guilt curls like a wild, wounded animal somewhere beneath his ribs. “I saw you were near JYP’s office and I couldn’t help but think…” 

“What happened?” Minho asks. He sinks onto the couch too, a Danceracha puddle of desperation. 

Felix opens his mouth, but once again, the words won’t come. Where does he start? Hyunjin sits up carefully, watching Felix like he’s a daydream that might vanish. 

“Angel?” he squeezes Felix’s hand once, a pulse to speak. 

“Jung,” ends up being the only thing he can say. Hyunjin tenses against him. 

“He had a Houndswater stone,” Innie supplements. 

And suddenly, Felix realizes it’s not just fear he’s feeling – no, that needling ball of heat low in his gut is anger. It’s not like he liked Jung by any means, but the notion that they, as employees, as products, could find themselves delivered shiny and polite into the hands of genuinely evil people is just the cherry on top of all the idol bullshit. 

He’s not the only one. Hyunjin’s next inhale is a sharp sound, air through teeth. Minho, too, looks murderous, his glare a weapon as it slices towards middledistance. 

“I knew it!” Hyunjin growls. “I knew he had it out for Lix!” 

“He knows about Angels, that much is clear,” Felix forces the words out with all the ease of removing shards of glass from skin. “He said…” 

Should he tell them? If Felix feels like his world has been upended, then the members look like theirs has already imploded. Jeongin nods expectantly at Felix, and shit, he was there, so now Felix is really trapped-

“He said,” Jeongin says when Felix remains quiet, “that if there was an Angel listening, they should know Jung was excited to ‘clip its wings’.” 

The feathers rustle beneath their bindings as a ripple of tension shudders its way through the studio. 

“Do you think he knows it’s you?” Jisung asks, shiny-eyed with hands wringing in his lap. “I mean, if he knew you were an angel, wouldn’t he have, uh, done something ?” 

“I don’t think he knew,” Felix croaks. It will never escape him how, even in the quietest voice, all of the members go quiet when he speaks. “Or at least he suspected me and was just waiting for proof. I keep thinking about all the interactions I’ve had with him, and he asked so many weird questions all the time. Like, right after the first time I heard the bell, he was asking about my back.” 

“He was also the one that brought up the doctor’s appointment in the meeting about your suspension,” Chan nods as he remembers, though the color drains from his face as he says it. 

“But after the kidnapping, after the concerts …” Changbin trails off. 

“Oh my God,” Minho gasps. “Fuck, what did he say to you backstage before you remembered your maturation?”

“What?” Felix shakes his head, as if he can dislodge his swirling anger long enough to retrieve the memory. Seungmin beats him too it, though: 

“When you’re in pain, it hurts the group.” 

If you’re going to cry, you can wait in the car, Felix. The congregation doesn’t need to see you upset, you’re going to distract them. 

The childhood memory, his mom’s face – not mean, a bit inpatient at wrangling three kids into Church, including a crying, eleven-year-old Felix, anxious about performing a reading alongside a boy who called his freckles dirty when they were at school.

It warps to teenage Hyunjin, tears dripping off his long nose in a way that Felix remembers hypnotizing him, despite the grief of Felix’s own elimination. Don’t cry, you didn’t do anything wrong , he’d murmured against Felix’s ear, as if Felix could do anything but; stilted Korean, his very undoing, rendering him a stuttering record: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. 

The memories wax and wane like a heart beat, all of them featuring shiny eyed Felix; a Felix who was sensitive, soft, too much. 

“Lix, you there?” 

Hyunjin nudges him gently, shoulder to shoulder, and Felix blinks back to awareness, to the present – under the loving scrutiny of seven sets of eyes, whose gazes alone could cradle whatever small, fractured creature that seems to cohabitate in his chest. 

“He triggered my maturation?” Felix asks Minho. “That’s what you’re thinking, right?” 

Minho’s grim frown is answer enough. He hates this, hates having a hand in that expression, or Hyunjin’s, or Chan’s. 

“Wait, what ?” Hyunjin grows, the sound a low rumble. Minho’s jaw clicks. 

“At the concert, right before the encore, Jung, was asking Bbokie about his back, if he was in pain, talking about how he’d looked weak since Paris, and he ended his little monologue by reminding him that his pain affects the whole group. I remember thinking it felt so intentionally mean.” 

“Not just intentionally mean, intentionally triggering,” Chan’s face is like a storm cloud. 

Felix doesn’t realize he’s digging his nails into the palms of his hands until he pierces flesh, and even then it takes him a long second to lessen his grip. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” he hears himself say, cold and detached. “He’s gone.”

And if he knows it’s me, he’s going to tell everyone at the Bureau, Felix thinks bitterly; he can’t bear to say the words aloud – partially to prevent the members from spiraling further, and partially for his own sanity.

“Of course it matters,” Chan crouches before him, his stormy expression gone and replaced with pure, unadulterated comfort. “Sunshine, I know it’s been terrible-” 

Do you know? 

“-and I know you’re scared-”

I’m mad, actually. 

“-but it’s going to be okay.” 

We’ve all been saying that a lot, haven’t we? 

Chan rubs his thumb across the back of Felix’s hand. When he speaks, it’s in English, and it means that Chan needs Felix to understand what he’s saying. “ We just need to get through this meeting with the trainees. And … and I want you to be safe. That means you treat Dai like any other trainee, right?”

What about what I want, he wants to scream, but Chan is looking at him like anything less than total agreement might shatter him. 

“ Lix? You hear me?” 

  Damn Chan and his accent; Felix wants to cup it in his hands like hot sand from Manly beach. 

“Sure,” Felix forces himself to say the word. It tastes like lies and deceit, feels like ordering noise-canceling headphones at two in the morning and memorizing trainee schedules. They expect him to be sad, afraid, and a part of him probably is, but he doesn’t feel weak like he had the first time the hunters came, and he doesn’t feel upended the way he had when Yeong-su told him about Houndswater and its properties. 

He feels sharp. He feels dangerous. He feels like a weapon wrapped in human skin.

He lets Chan pull him into a hug – a part of him, the before-Felix part, he considers bitterly, leans into the contact, the comfort, the heat of another body, but the now of him is still alight with energy and rage and fury. He quickly feels the weight of another body on his back (Hyunjin, he realizes, as his long, perfect fingers find the notch of his wings) and then Minho is on his left, nuzzling his cheek against Felix’s head with a soft hum. Before he knows it, he’s at the center of an eight-body hug. 

He loves it. 

He loves them. 

He just can’t help but feel like this moment is for them; if JYP’s insistence of his role as the sun holds weight, then he certainly feels like they need him to shine much more than he feels capable of shining. 

Felix doesn’t want to shine right now; he wants to incinerate. 

---

Felix, Yeong-su

Felix: I really really need to talk to you. Please, just respond. 

---

They have very little time between the discovery of Jung and the pop-up meeting between Stray Kids and Trainee Group 4. 

Felix spends the thirty minutes before pressed against Hyunjin’s side, counting the speckles on the studio ceiling. The combination of Hyunjin’s soft jokes, the distraction techniques, and slow descent from Mount Rage leaves him comparatively calmer, but it feels impermanent. That well of righteous anger is still there, still simmering in a pot of a thousand different emotions, but the cover has been shifted back into place, and with it, Felix finds he can smile again without it warping into a grimace.  

“What are we going to talk to them about?” Changbin asks when they head from the elevator towards the Stray Kids practice room. 

“I figured we’d just give them whatever advice they’re looking for,” Chan says. He’s visibly distracted, a little on edge, and Felix knows it’s because of him. “They’re new – right now, they’re dealing with practices and instructors and criticism. We can remind them that we were there too.” 

The thought lifts Felix from his mood a bit more. He ignores the pointed look the leader gives him – if eyes could talk, Chan’s would be screaming and you’re not going to say anything to Dai, remember? – as they enter the practice room. 

A group of eight boys (because that’s what they are, boys, teenagers, children) sit in a small clump with eyes like stars. They immediately jump to their feet and bow. The members bow back. 

“Before we talk, we should get a picture, yeah?” Chan grins, dimple on display. It’s smart – should get the trainees a little less star struck and a little more relaxed. They all crowd together and take a slightly tilted selfie. “I can send it you?” 

“Yes please!” One of the boys says, his voice squeaky. Chan chuckles and motions to the floor.

“We can sit, I’m sure you’re all exhausted from practice.” Immediately, the members flop to the floor, and after a moment, the trainees do the same. 

Dai doesn’t have the headphones on, but he’s holding his bag in his lap, so Felix prays they’re in there. He grins at the tall boy (Jaesang, Felix reminds himself) like speaking to Stray Kids is the greatest thing to ever happen to him. 

“So, how’s it going?” Chan asks. All of the boys look to the one Felix had presumed was the leader before – if not officially then in all the ways that matter. He’s still baby faced, but slightly less so. “You’re Seokjin, right?”

The boy blushes, like his name from Chan’s lips is the most startling thing he’s ever heard. 

“Yes, Chan-ssi,” Seokjin nods. Behind him, his groupmates stifle giggles. 

“Hyung is fine,” Chan blushes. Seokjin nods again, but the action is so enthusiastic that he nearly knocks off the pair of glasses he’s wearing. 

“Seokjin-hyung is basically our leader,” one of the other boys says – he has a smile that Felix just knows is constantly crooked. 

“Joonwoo!” Seokjin grits out the reprimand. Joonwoo bows his head, then grins as soon as Seokjin isn’t glaring at him anymore. 

“What have you guys been working on?” Jisung asks. 

“Everything,” Dai laughs weakly. “Dancing, singing, rapping-” 

“Looking like idols,” Jaesang supplements. 

“It’s only gotten busier with the award show coming up,” another boy adds. “Our choreographer scolded me for fifteen minutes yesterday because my shirt was wrinkled.”

“I mean, it was, Minsoo,” Jaesang rolls his eyes. “You looked like a slob!” 

“Boys,” Seokjin sighs in a growl; the bickering must be a daily occurrence. 

“Oh, you’re going to the award show?” Jeongin asks. 

“Yeah,” Seokjin is clearly trying to hide the boyish grin fighting to spread across his cheeks, though his group members don’t have the same concern. “I mean, we’re obviously not performing or sitting with the rest of the idols, but our unit was one of the ones chosen to attend.” 

“Though we can’t stay the whole time,” Minsoo pouts. “We’re all too young.” 

“I remember that,” Jeongin grumbles with an exaggerated pout. Minho pinches his ear. 

“Aish, be mature! These are your juniors!” 

“You’re performing, right, hyung?” Dai asks, and Felix realizes he’s asking him. Hyunjin’s hand presses a bit more forcefully on his lower back, and Felix hopes the touch is meant to be grounding, not a warning. 

“Yeah, we’re doing a few songs from our comeback,” Felix is relieved to hear his voice is lacking any shakiness. “And we’re nominated, which is crazy.”

“You never get used to that,” Changbin chuckles. “Remember our first nomination?”

“Forget the nomination, remember our first win ?” Jisung laughs. “I thought I was hallucinating.” 

“We all did,” Chan agrees. 

“Chan-ssi – I mean, hyung, ” Jaesang corrects himself. “I have to ask – I mean, we were literally freaking out when we saw that we were scheduled to meet with all of you, but still – why us? I mean, we’re just a random group.” 

Seokjin tsks in Jaesang’s direction so Chan’s momentary hesitation is hopefully less noticeable. His eyes flicker to Felix, who is a full coward, apparently, and resolutely ignores him.  

“Well, we did literally run into you,” Hyunjin intercepts the question, and his grin is met with appreciative laughter from the trainees, as well as open mouthed adoration. Felix notices that Dai, in particular, seems to have hearts in his eyes as he stares at Hyunjin far less subtly than he likely means to (and he can’t prove it, but he swears Jaesang tightens his arm where it’s wrapped around Dai’s shoulders, which is painfully cute). “It only felt right that we do our duty as hyungs and check in with you.” 

“We remember what it was like,” Chan adds, slowly, like he’s handpicking each and every word with concentrated thought. “You feel alone. You feel scared. You feel like …” 

He shrugs to the other members prompting them. Jisung clears his throat. 

“You feel like all of your dreams are right in front of you, but your hands are tied down, and yet you have dozens of people telling you to just reach out and grab them like it’s easy.” 

“You’re exhausted and tired and frustrated but you feel like complaining about it would just be ungrateful,” Seungmin adds in a whisper. 

“And you don’t know who you can trust,” Felix speaks before he considers the deeper implications. Dai sits up a little straighter, his hand rising to absently touch at his shoulder, and he must be deep enough in thought that he doesn’t notice every single member of Stray Kids track the movement. 

“The managers, right?” Seokjin asks in response to Felix’s statement, but his gaze is locked on Dai, like he’s having a separate, subtextual conversation Felix isn’t privy too. 

“Yeah, of course,” Chan says quickly, in his Good Little Idol voice, and for a moment, Felix feels inexplicably angry, but then Chan sighs; he glances to the door of the practice room, but the curtain on the window is drawn. “Well, I … I like to think you can trust the managers and the staff and everyone we work with at JYPE, but they’re still just people. And people can be, uh, assholes.” 

The trainees giggle at the curse, and Chan chuckles nervously. “Pretend I didn't say that, yeah? The point is, you have to develop the relationships enough that you know you can trust them.”

“You asked for new management recently, right?” A boy towards the back, with shrewd eyes, asks. 

“Hwae!” Seokjin chides. Hwae doesn’t look the least bit apologetic, as if the truth of it negates any potential offense. 

“It’s okay, we wouldn’t have expected the news not to spread,” Minho snorts. 

“We did ask for new management,” Chan says. “I, uh –” 

He looks at Felix, and Felix knows this is Chan not wanting to speak for him if it’s not acceptable. 

Chan might not realize, though, what kind of opening he’s giving him. 

“Jung never liked me,” Felix is strong right out the gate. And yup, there it is – all of the trainees look at Dai. “He thought I was too emotional. That I pulled the members’ focus.” 

When Hyunjin’s hand, still on his lower back, flexes, Felix knows it’s a warning this time. 

“He did?” Dai whispers. Felix feels his feathers ruffle, the urge to protect and comfort overwhelming. Hyunjin’s breath catches, and Felix knows he felt the movement. 

“ Lix ,” he whispers. Felix shifts until Hyunjin’s hand drops away, and when Felix speaks again, it’s only to Dai. 

“He did,” he confirms softly. “It was hard to deal with, and I’ve been doing this for years, so being told negative things shouldn’t be so jarring … but it was. It’s like he knew exactly the right thing to say to make me spiral. In the end, we all had to hide a lot from him just to keep him from further antagonizing me. It was a lot for my members to deal with-” 

“False,” Hyunjin says immediately. 

“-but at the end of the day, they’re the only ones I can trust.” 

“ Felix ,” Chan whispers. Felix ignores him, because Dai’s eyes are wide, searching, like he knows Felix is saying something more.

“The members, not staff,” Dai barely breathes the words. Seokjin exhales sharply through his nostrils, and Felix knows that if Stray Kids wasn’t here right now, he’d do more than just react. 

Maybe Felix should lock him and Chan in a room for the rest of the day. They clearly have some kind of leader-complex they need to sort out.  

“You lean on the people who you know will fight for you,” Felix says softly. “And you lean on the people who you know understand what you’re going through-” 

“Felix!” Chan says more sharply. 

“We’re at the fucking company, hyung” Jeongin adds, as sharp as he is quiet. 

But Dai is sitting up, now, and he’s shrugging his shoulders like he wants to crawl out of his skin. And the collar of his shirt gapes, revealing red at his shoulders and deep, carved hollows of bone at his sternum. He’s caked in makeup, but it does nothing to cover the unnatural pallor of his skin, not shadows beneath his eyes. 

Felix looks at the members for the first time since he started speaking. They’re looking back – probably have been staring at him the way Dai’s members are staring at him. Chan’s lips are a tight line. Hyunjin shakes his head minutely. 

And Dai is watching Felix like a puzzle is slotting together behind his eyes. His lower lip trembles, just slightly, and this time when his hand lifts to touch the skin of his back, it’s an intentional movement. Felix follows the motion, swallows, and nods. 

I see you. I see it. I know. There’s an answer. 

“You told me not to go to the clinic,” Dai whispers. The members react – all fourteen of them – but Felix and Dai resolutely ignore them. 

“I know,” Felix says. 

“You gave me the headphones,” Dai whispers. Felix’s throat tightens as Dai pulls out the pink pair from his bag, identical in brand to the ones he wears around his own neck. “Didn’t you?” 

“Yeah,” Felix admits. 

“And you wrote this note?” Dai places the piece of paper between them. Hyunjin leans forward and hisses. “I … a few of the other trainees got them too.” 

“Yongbok,” Minho’s voice – that absence of -ah and the leap past Bbokie are enough to draw Felix’s attention. “What did you do?” 

“Wait, you sent him the headphones?” Minsoo asks. 

“They helped, though,” Jaesang defends. “He’s been calmer-” 

“ He’s right here,” Dai says, and his tone and expression tell Felix that this conversation has happened before. 

Dai looks back at Felix, swallows, rubs his hand across his skin and exhales like the weight of the entire world has been pressing on his ribcage for weeks. 

“Do you know what’s happening to me?” Dai asks. “Am I in danger, hyung?”

“We need to go,” Chan interrupts sharply – maybe it’s because he’s the Bangchan, or maybe it’s because he’s so visibly about to lose it, but the trainees finally look away from the Dai-and-Felix show and towards his rising form. Chan doesn’t have eyes for them – only Felix, and those eyes are black with betrayal. 

Felix narrows his eyes right back. 

Chan raises a single brow, walks over to Felix, and drags him to his feet. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not gentle either. Minho’s arm joins the fray, a heavy, tight grip around the nape of his neck, and Felix has the urge to bite him.  

He can hear voices overlapping – apologies on either side, confusion laced with concern laced with terror – but Felix can’t be bothered to focus on the niceties; not when Dai is looking at him with desperation, expectation; like Felix is the only person in the world who can save him. 

And I am, Felix realizes. 

He’s dragged to the door, and at the last minute, Felix pulls free, panting. 

“I do,” Felix tells him. Beside him, someone whimpers. “And yeah. You’re in danger.” 

Minho forces him out of the door before he can do more than watch Dai’s eyes fill with tears. 

---

Felix, Yeong-su

Yeong-su: I know you mean well, but please don’t contact me again. 

Yeong-su: I’m sorry. 

---

No one speaks as they file into the vans, and Felix guesses the members won’t look at him either, but he’s not sure; he’s seething with rage, and he knows that if he makes eye contact with anyone, he’ll explode. 

It doesn’t stop him from hearing Chan’s ragged breaths, or noticing Minho’s stiff posture. Someone is crying, small sniffles, and it might be Hyunjin, but Felix can’t confirm it. He can’t trade this anger for guilt just to appease, just to make himself more digestible. The members might think they’re in the right, but Felix needs them to understand how far off the map they are. 

They’re mad at him? Felix wants to laugh – they’re in for a rude awakening if they think he’s going to apologize. As soon as the van arrives at the dorms, Felix is out of his seat and striding inside. He needs to figure out how to get in contact with Dai without raising suspicions, needs to consider how he might know who else at JYPE could be associated with the Bureau; he doesn’t need another fight that ends with promises he doesn’t want to make. 

So maybe you shouldn’t have promised them to stay out of it, a voice, a younger version of Felix, whispers. 

The elevator ride is tense. The walk to the rooms even tenser, especially when Felix realizes that they’re all following him. He kicks off his shoes, makes to go to his room, but Chan stops him. 

“What were you thinking?” Chan asks. His voice is sharp, his hands fists at his side; Felix is so not used to being on the receiving end of this look, and maybe Chan is banking on that. 

Unfortunately for Chan, Felix is a monster made of grief, fury, and fear. 

“ What was I thinking, Chris? ” Felix spits right back, his English like weapon. “I was thinking that a child is heading straight towards a maturation that could kill him in a company we now know might be infiltrated by the Bureau and I’m not willing to just sit idly by!” 

He tries to move past Chan, but Chan won’t let him. Felix huffs out a breath and u-turns towards the living room. 

“Don’t do that, Lix,” Chan growls. “Don’t make me feel guilty for wanting to protect you-” 

“You know who protected me?” Felix stands taller; his wings yearn to stretch, so he shrugs off his hoodie, undoes the bandages. The feathers easily slip through the slits sliced through the fabric of his tanktop. “Wooyoung. Another Angel. When he found me, I was already in the clinic. I was seconds away from showing someone my wings, maybe days away from being taken myself.” 

“Wooyoung knows you, Lix,” Changbin butts in, his voice all forced-neutrality where Chan’s is reactioned-driven rage. All of the members stand behind Chan, in more ways than one if Felix had to guess “Of course he wanted to help you-” 

“Well now I know Dai,” Felix interrupts. “And really – you have to know someone to not want them tortured to death?” 

Changbin flinches. 

“We just found out our manager was a Bureau agent,” Felix reminds them. “We spent two weeks training my instincts. I only got through my maturation because I was put on suspension. And all of that happened because someone told me what was going on, despite the risk.”

“That was one person,” Seungmin cuts in; maybe it’s because it’s Seungmin, the one who always believed Felix from words alone, but the disappointment in his posture feels all the more painful. “That was a conversation. This is more. You left him with more questions than answers-”

“Because hyung dragged me out of there,” Felix growls. 

“-and you bought them all headphones,” Seungmin continues. “You left them notes, Felix.” 

“And you’re following him around,” Jeongin says. “You’re literally getting involved. You took the fucking flashdrive-” 

“No he didn’t, it’s in my safe,” Seungmin tilts his head. 

“I made a copy after I heard you and Chan talking,” Felix spits. He drags his gaze away from Seungmin and towards Chan, where it narrows to something icier. “I’m not sorry.” 

“Yeah, that much is clear,” Chan says. 

“You act like I bought a billboard with a picture of wings on it,” Felix scoffs. “All I’ve done is try to help someone-”

“No, you’re putting yourself at risk,” Hyunjin finally speaks. Unlike Chan, he doesn’t snap; if anything, his voice is quiet from where he’s slouched on the armchair, forearms on his knees, but it’s barely restrained, tense – as if it’s taking every ounce of concentration he possesses to maintain his poise. When he raises his head, Felix steps back like he’s been hit. 

Because he thought, maybe, Hyunjin would be on his side. 

Clearly, he was wrong. 

“You promised you wouldn’t interfere,” Hyunjin growls. “You promised Lix, and now what? You’re trying to tell a stranger what you are-” 

“Who I am, Hyunjin,” Felix spits. Hyunjin’s anger flickers. “I’m not a what, I’m a person -”

“Lix, I know, that’s not what I-” 

“I think Hyunjin just means that you promised you wouldn’t get involved directly,” Minho tries to smooth out the argument before it can derail. 

“Because you wouldn’t let me have an alternative!” Felix yells. 

His voice carries through the whole dorm, but it’s not the volume, he thinks, that startles them. It’s the sheer, built up anger.

“I don’t want to be in danger!” He says. “You all act like it’s something fun for me, but I don’t want to be in this position! I didn’t ask for any of this – it just happened to me! I shouldn’t have promised you I wouldn’t get involved, but be fucking for real – none of you were going to let me not promise. It wasn't for me, it was for you.” 

“Seriously?” Hyunjin asks. “ Everything has been for you. To keep you safe, to keep here with us – you give trust to people like it’s Halloween candy, you wear lenses made of roses every single day, and you might not go looking for danger, but it fucking finds you!” 

“And it’s going to find Dai!” Felix yells back. Hyunjin scoffs. “It’s going to find Dai and Yeong-su and every other angel in Seoul-”

“I’m not talking about other Angels, Felix, I’m talking about you!” He jumps to his feet like the frustration in his voice alone forces the motion. “You, the one who almost just outed himself as an Angel in the middle of a practice room, in front of eight people who, sure, seem very sweet and innocent, but who we don’t know. They have no reason to trust us, so what would stop them from spinning around and telling other trainees that Lee Felix is an Angel?” 

“Did you not see his face?” Felix laughs coldly. “He’s terrified. He’s skinny and in pain and you want me to think about myself?” 

“I want you to think about me! ” Hyunjin yells.

Felix freezes. All of the members do, still and silent in the wake of Hyunjin’s anger. Because Hyunjin never yells – he seethes, he snaps, he jabs and retreats; and even with his litany of passive aggressions, he never wields them at Felix. Now, though, he breathes like someone has filled his lungs with saltwater; like he’s been breathing through lungs at half-capacity for a while.  

“I can’t watch it happen again, Lix,” he pants. “I can’t - I can’t do that again. I can’t do the lying of omission and I can’t do the sacrificial bullshit and I can’t wrap my arms around you every night not knowing if it’ll be the last time!” 

“It won’t be,” Felix says. “I promise-”

“And what good is that!” Hyunjin shouts. “What good is another promise from you that I don’t know if you mean!” 

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have promised you,” Felix tries to stay calm, tries not to bite back. “So don’t back me into promises you know I can’t keep!”

“It’s not that you can’t keep them, it’s that you don’t want to,” Hyunjin glares.  

“No, it’s not!” Felix snaps back. “I need to protect him-”

“You’re both going in circles,” Changbin stands, physically places himself between Hyunjin and Felix; it doesn’t stop much, Hyunjin is still glaring above Changbin’s head, and Felix’s wings are twitching. 

“You’re going in circles,” Felix corrects with a snarl. “I’ve been pretty fucking clear. Dai is in danger – he’s close to a maturation that I barely survived, if you recall; he’s on a list, which means he’s being watched. The Bureau might have more eyes within JYPE walls, and there’s no way for us to know. And now he’ll be at the award show? If he walks in there without any idea about who he is, if he is seen by the wrong person, he will die. ” 

There are tears pricking the corner of Felix’s eyes, but he’s never felt so strong while simultaneously on the verge of tears. He looks each and every member in the eye, forcing them to stare back. Chan drops his eyes instantly. Jisung is just crying. Seungmin is stoic, but his pupils flicker side to side like he’s searching his memories. Changbin wears his emotions on his face, a twist of anger and guilt, whereas Minho is simply staring at Felix like he’s trying to read his mind. Hyunjin – Hyunjin’s glare hasn’t abated at all. 

He’s surprised, then, when he finally looks at Jeongin and finds him seething even more aggressively than Hyunjin. 

“Do you hear yourself?” Jeongin narrows his eyes at Felix. “If it’s so dangerous for Dai to go to the award show, why the hell would you?” 

Felix freezes. “That’s … that’s not-”

“Innie,” Jisung murmurs. Jeongin shrugs. 

“I’m serious! Lix, I believe you  – I believe that Dai is in insane amounts of danger, and that every second he spends in the company is just more risky, and that walking into an award show at the brink of a maturation is suicide; and I know that you have control over your instincts, and you know how to fight back, and you already have your wings – but is it really that much safer for you?” 

Felix tries to speak, but his voice is stuck in his throat; this is exactly what he was afraid of, everything that the members had tried to avoid; wings or his life – not a combination of the two, but a choice. And maybe, he thinks viciously, I was kidding myself. Maybe I was never going to make this work. 

“What are you trying to say,” Felix whispers, if only to keep himself from screaming. 

Jeongin rises; he’s tall – taller than Felix – and so sure of himself. 

“I’m saying you shouldn’t go to the award show. If it’s dangerous for Dai, it’s dangerous for you too, and after today …” 

Jeongin bites his lip. 

In any other scenario, Felix would wrap Jeongin into his arms, sit next to him and talk it out; he’d make Jeongin a snack, even if Jeongin protested the coddling, and then they’d play some games. 

Now, though. Felix’s heart sinks. 

“So you want to just stay back?” Felix asks. “Pretend I’m not a part of this group?” 

If I say it first, I beat them to it. 

And no one denies it. Not all the way. 

“Lixie, you're still a part of this group,” Chan says. 

“We just need you to be safe,” Minho says. 

“Great, you get what you need,” Felix nods. He sounds nasty, cruel, unfamiliar even to his own ears. “So long as you all feel fine, right? Fuck me, fuck Dai, fuck Yeong-su – maybe we can text Wooyoung and let him know he should drop out of their tour too?” 

“Sunshine-” Chan takes a step forward, but Felix raises a hand. 

“I got it, okay? Just … just leave me alone.” 

He doesn’t wait for them to respond or even breathe. He storms forward so suddenly, doesn’t bother retracting his wings, and Chan and Minho move before they’re bowled over. 

His bedroom door slams shut behind him. He instinctively reaches for his laptop, but then he remembers that he forgot the thumbdrive at the company. 

He settles for laying on his bed. 

No one knocks. 

“I guess they do know how to listen after all,” Felix murmurs to the ceiling. “They just didn’t want to.” 

---

“Felix!” 

Seungmin’s yell doesn’t wake him, but the sheer sensation of his fear has his wings sharpening before Felix is even fully conscious. His roommate shakes him at the shoulders, eyes rimmed with white. 

“What’s wrong?” Felix gasps, a little slurred at the edges and every trace of anger absent in the face of Seungmin’s panic. A moment later, Hyunjin runs in, hair still rumpled and wearing pajamas. Did he sleep on the couch despite what Felix said to him? Felix’s guilt rears its head. 

“What’s going on?”

“Someone is knocking at the front door,” Seungmin whispers. “They’re dressed in black.” 

Immediately, Felix is one hundred percent awake. 

“Hunters?” he asks. 

“I don't think so,” Seungmin whispers. “They said they’re police, but-”

“The Bureau,” Hyunjin growls. 

“Jung,” Felix whispers. “Oh God, he knows it’s me.” 

Hyunjin is moving before Felix can blink, already grabbing Felix’s shoes and a hoodie, which he ties around Felix’s waist as soon as he’s standing. 

“Jinnie?” Felix asks. 

Please, I love you, I’m sorry; Please I’m sorry, I’m sorry–

“You need to get out of here,” Hyunjin says. 

Felix wonders if Hyunjin can hear the hairline fissures chipping across Felix’s heart. 

“What?” he asks. “No, Jinnie, I’m not leaving you-” 

“Sweetheart, please,” Hyunjin begs. He looks terrified. He looks desperate. He looks like he’ll do anything if Felix will listen to him. “I - I’m sorry, I know you’re mad at me, but please go. If it’s the Bureau, they’re gonna find you here even if you hide. Take your phone, fly somewhere safe, and stay there. I’ll track you, yeah? Text me when you’re safe, I’ll track you, and then we’ll come get you.” 

His fingers find the little compass charm. Felix can’t stop staring at his boyfriend as if he needs to memorize every centimeter while he has the chance. Hyunjin pulls a beanie low over Felix’s head, tucking his hair beneath the fabric, then produces a facemask. 

Wrong, wrong, stay, protect, his instincts scream and flare and kick. Hyunjin brushes his thumb next to Felix’s certainly-golden eyes. “I know, Angel, you want me to be safe? You need to get yourself safe so that we can be safe. Right now, they’re pretending to be police, and if you’re gone, they’ll keep pretending, right?”

“Lixie, you need to go now,” Seungmin stands straight and rigid, eyes flickering from Felix to the front door. “I don’t want you to leave either, but the longer we wait the worse it looks.” 

“Take the stone,” Hyunjin shoves the Houndstooth stone and Felix’s phone into a crossbody bag, then flings open the bedroom window. The distant sounds of Seoul are somehow deafening and soothing at the same time, not dissimilar to ocean waves. 

“Okay,” Felix says, because he wants to stay, but Hyunjin looks like he’s in physical pain, and if he focuses on that, leaving doesn’t seem quite as agonizing. Sure enough, Hyunjin’s expression melts into relief, and he helps Felix brace himself on the window. 

“Wait, Hyune!” Felix gasps when he feels Hyunjin let go. He twists halfway inside, grips Hyunjin at the back of the head, and crushes their lips together; he never knew a kiss could taste so acutely like fear. “I love you, I’m sorry, I love you-” 

“I love you too, I’ll see you soon,” Hyunjin promises. “Go, fly.” 

Felix stares anxiously out at the city night. He’s only flown in complete isolation, and even though it’s certainly past three AM, the city glows threateningly. 

He hears the knocking from inside grow more insistent, and he takes in a breath. 

Then, he lets go of the window sill and kicks himself into the night. 

His wings catch the air and he pushes them down immediately, wanting an increase in height to avoid being spotted from below, but the buildings create a windtunnel effect, a shifting of air currents that makes him grit his teeth to avoid being entirely spun adrift. 

He stays upright, but he tilts ominously, his body flailing into a sharp decline. He groans as he presses his wings flat as the force of air against his feathers strains the muscles of his shoulders past sore and towards pain, but it helps. 

I’m too low, Felix thinks, blinking against tears – whether they’re from the rush of air or from panic, he’s not sure, and he doesn’t care much either; despite his blurred vision, he knows his wings are moon-bright, knows that the onslaught of wind is going to send him careening into a building or plummeting straight to the ground. 

He’s never been frightened of height when he’s flown, but for the first time, vertigo creeps up his spine. He glances back to the dorm, to the sidewalk in front of it–

There’s an armored car. Three bodies beside it. He twists down in a sharp veer, racing around the nearest building and out of sight; he spies a rooftop, furnished and hopefully empty at the late hour, and barely keeps himself upright upon landing. His hands scramble for his phone, fingers shaking as he misses his passcode again and again. 

He taps Wooyoung’s contact and presses the phone so hard against his ear that it hurts. The phone rings once and then immediately goes to voice mail. 

“Fuck!” Felix hisses. He mentally does the math – ATEEZ are at a concert in London right now. Of course Wooyoung wouldn’t have his phone on him. 

“Focus, Felix,” he tells himself. He can’t stay up here – the Bureau is too close, and they have the bell. He can’t go to the company, not after what he knows about Jung. He could go to the loft, but what if the Hunters are there? 

Felix gasps, jumps to his contacts, hits call. 

It rings and rings. Felix grits his teeth, praying to anything and everything-

“Felix?” 

Yeong-su sounds like he’s speaking to a ghost; as if, upon telling Felix not to contact him, Felix had ceased to exist. Felix doesn’t waste time with pleasantries.

“I know you said not to contact you, but I need help or I’m going to die.” 

For a moment, Yeong-su is silent. Felix searches the skies, creeping to the edge of the roof and peering down the street for any sight of an armored car. After the silence stretches, Felix wonders if Yeong-su hung up. 

“You’re in danger,” he says simply, breaking the silence. 

“Bureau Agents showed up at my door. I need-” Felix’s voice catches on tears. “Please, I need somewhere to hide until they’re gone.”

Another long silence. Felix sobs. “Please, I don’t know what I did to make you not like me, but I’m begging you – m-my manager was an Agent and I think he figured out I was an Angel. I need-” 

“I’m sending you the address to my apartment. It’s fifteen floors up with a balcony. I’ll leave a light on, it’ll be pink. Fly straight there. I’m nearby grabbing food but I’m running back now-” 

Felix doesn’t even say thank you. He hangs up and immediately opens his text conversation with Yeong-su, which pings with a link to his maps app. Yeong-su’s apartment is near the company, a few blocks up and an avenue over on the far side of the street. 

This time, he flies high , wings beating furiously as he climbs towards the tops of the towering buildings. It’s terrifying, but with each meter ascended, the wind grows a little less strong, no longer funneled through the grid of skyscrapers. He forces himself to count the blocks as he passes them, his heart in his throat as he flies over the company building, then towards a luxury apartment building to the left. Felix almost weeps in relief when he sees the pink light emanating from one of the units, so desperate for something like safety that he barely slows down enough to land on the balcony. 

As soon as his feet hit the ground, the balcony door swings open. Yeong-su is still holding a bag of takeout, still half-covered by a face mask much like the one Felix is wearing, but he doesn’t waste a moment pulling him inside. 

The apartment is fancy if not slightly barren. Felix can do little more than collapse in an exhausted, feather-twitching heap on the chic woven rug. 

“Water?” Yeong-su asks.

“ Please ,” Felix gasps. Yeong-su quickly dashes to the kitchen and returns with a bottle, ice cold. Felix downs it. 

“The Bureau showed up at your home?” Yeong-su asks. His eyes are flat, not quite meeting his, and there’s a tremble in his hands when Felix passes him the now-empty bottle. 

“My old manager – I think he knew there was an Angel in my group, and I think he’s suspected me for a while. Today he must have truly figured it out. I’ve been so careful with my instincts, I’ve really learned how to tame them, but it wasn’t enough.” 

“I … fuck, Felix, why didn’t you leave like I told you?” Yeong-su sighs. 

“I can’t leave them,” Felix says; he’s exhausted. He doesn’t want to fight. And the knowledge that his members seem to be buying tickets to board Yeong-su’s train of thought makes his wings feel suddenly heavy on his back. 

To Yeong-su’s credit, he doesn’t push. 

Felix takes out his phone again and texts the members.

Lixie: at Yeong-su’s, safe, is everyone okay? 

Minnie: they just left our dorm. they’re probably checking the others. they’re still pretending to be cops. 

Jinnie: We’ll come for you as soon as they’re gone. 

“My members are going to come get me once the Bureau leaves,” Felix tells Yeong-su. 

“I’ll tell the front desk to let them up when they get here,” Yeong-su offers, grabbing his phone and typing rapidly. Felix hears the woosh of a message sent, and then Yeong-su looks up, lips pursed. “You can’t go back there, you know that, right? Where will you stay?” 

“They’ll figure it out,” Felix says, because he’s certain Chan has already thought of that and a solution. He stretches his wings, and the joints crack and pop. Yeong-su watches the movement with wide eyes. 

“You were ignoring me,” Felix adds. “Why?” 

Yeong-su frowns. “I … I …” 

“Just tell me,” Felix sighs. “I don’t care if it’s insulting, just tell me.” 

“You’re too dangerous,” Yeong-su admits. “You’re reckless and it’s risky for me to be around you.” 

It shouldn’t hurt, not when it’s so logical, but it still does. Yeong-su winces, and Felix realizes he can probably feel Felix’s pain through his instincts. 

“You could have said so,” Felix says. “Yeong-su, I just wanted to tell you what I learned. I wanted to warn you.” 

“What you learned?” 

“The Bureau, they showed up at the Hunters’ headquarters after I was kidnapped. They are making a bigger bell – big enough that they had to kill multiple angels; they said it would be able to affect every Angel in Seoul.” 

Yeong-su’s face pales. “And … and you still stayed? After all of that, you stayed?” 

He doesn’t say it unkindly. He says it with a sort of awe. 

Felix can only shrug, swallow nervously. “C-can I have more water?” 

“Yeah,” Yeong-su jumps up and turns towards the kitchen. In doing so, his hoodie gapes, trailing down the sides of his arms. 

Felix blinks several times. Then he rubs at his eyes. But no, the image before him doesn’t change or clarify.  

Beneath his hoodie, Yeong-su is wearing a loose, thin tank top. 

That’s it. No bandages, no wrappings. 

And where Felix expects to see feathers, he sees only scars. 

In the pink lighting, the ridges of scars are contrasted like craters on a moon. They’re nothing like Wooyoung’s scars – precise surgical lines; they look diseased, like wood rot, a sunspot explosion of tissue. 

“You don’t have wings,” Felix says weakly. Yeong-su stops moving. His shoulders leap to his ears, then slump down in defeat. 

“No,” he admits. “I don’t.” 

He turns, hiding the scars and his lies with one fluid movement. Despite the exhaustion in Felix’s body, he jumps to his feet.  

“You said you kept your wings,” Felix says, voice flat. “In the garden, that’s what you told me.” 

“I know,” Yeong-su says simply, his gaze hardening – not necessarily in anger, but certainly in defensiveness at the very least.

“You lied to me,” Felix whispers. Yeong-su takes a step back, his face the picture of shock and despair, and good , Felix thinks, finally I’m not the one on the receiving end of betrayal. “Why? What … I don’t understand?” 

I trusted you, I vouched for you. 

“Do you work for the Hunters?” Felix growls as the idea occurs to him. 

“No – Felix, just listen to me before you freak out!” Yeong-su finds his voice, but his words do nothing to quell Felix’s storm of emotions. 

“You told me all about Houndswater and told me about your maturation, was that just for fun? To watch me panic?” 

Yeong-su makes an affronted noise in the back of his throat, his hands tightening to fists. “No, I was trying to protect you!”  

“How?” Felix shakes his head. “You weakened me to the point that I couldn’t fight back! Why the fuck would you tell me to do that if you don’t even have wings of your own-”

“Because that’s what they did to me!” Yeong-su wails. Felix freezes – for a moment, the anger ebbs, concerned confusion in its wake. Yeong-su pulls off his hoodie and the tanktop, then turns so Felix is face to face with the explosion of scars. They form a perfect rorschach splatter of wings. Yeong-su turns his head, eyes narrowed and deep purple in the rosy lighting. Felix can’t tell if tears or rage are making his eyes glitter. 

“I matured. I got my wings. And then I spent a month alone in a room,” Yeong-su says through gritted teeth. “I wasn’t allowed to keep them. I had to feel each and every feather fall. I have all of the instincts, none of the power.”

The muscles in Yeong-su’s back jump and twitch like phantom movements Felix recognizes all too well. He turns, facing Felix fully now. “Do you know what happens to you if you mature and then you’re never allowed to fly? To save? To protect? You rot Felix, from the inside out, and your wings? They’re just a limb. If you cut off circulation to a body part for too long, it dies. All the anesthesia in the world wouldn’t help, and it certainly didn’t help me when the feathers fell.”  

“You … “ Felix is caught between a very human reaction of sympathy and a very right-here, right-now reaction of betrayal . “You wanted me to ignore my instincts. You … were you going to let that happen to me?” 

Yeong-su’s expression hardens once again, and when he speaks, it’s like he’s reciting something he spent a while convincing himself of. 

“If you weren’t going to leave, it would be the kindest option you’d have,” he says viciously. “The Hunters? They will torture you til that last drop of blood. But the Bureau? They will use you. Your body won’t be yours. There’s physical pain and death, and then there’s physical pain combined with mental torture. And fuck, Felix, you shine with goodness so brightly it’s almost blinding – the Bureau will never let you go. You made it clear you weren’t going to leave, but if I didn’t try to stop you, they would have caught you before you ever made it back to Seoul. After your friend called me and told me the Hunters got you, and after I found out you somehow survived that, I was sure you’d finally give up hope and go into hiding.” 

He huffs, an angry sound, bitter. “Imagine my surprise when I found out you were coming back regardless.” 

Felix feels angry tears well in his eyes. “Everything I have is here, Yeong-su. The members – they’re my charges. I can’t leave them behind. I love them too much, and they love me-” 

“If they loved you, they would make you leave,” Yeong-su spits. “Don’t you get it yet? You’re not going to win this, Felix! Your face is everywhere, and now that the Bureau knows who you are, they won’t rest until they get you. You shouldn’t be worried about the fucking Sanctus Bell, you should be worried about keeping your wings on your back!”  

“There are more people out there than just me!” Felix shouts back. He wishes the members would get here now, if only to save him from a repeat of earlier’s conversation. “And besides-”  

He freezes. 

So does Yeong-su. 

Felix sees the moment Yeong-su’s words catch up with him. He wonders, distantly, if it’s the same sensation Felix feels – like an egg has been cracked on top of his head, trickling down his body leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

“I didn’t tell you it was called that,” Felix whispers. “I didn’t tell you it was called a Sanctus Bell.” 

Neither of them move. Yeong-su is closer to the front door. Felix could fly, maybe, if he can get to balcony quick enough – but would he make it? 

The line of nerves on his wings jumps to life. The tips of his feathers begin to sharpen. 

“Wait,” Yeong-su whispers. “Please, just let me-” 

“You’re not with hunters,” Felix says tremulously. “You’re with the Bureau, aren’t you?” 

Yeong-su shakes his head, but his eyes are enormous and frightened. “No – I mean, technically-” 

Felix leaps. He dives across the room and tackles Yeong-su at the waist. They crash to the ground so hard the whole apartment seems to shake. Yeong-su opens his mouth again, and Felix whips his wing forward, the longest feather – a veritable razor blade – centimeters away from his jugular.

Yeong-su’s eyes flash gold. 

“I trusted you,” Felix hisses. “God, I can’t believe I trusted you. Hyunjin was right – your advice wasn't to save me, you were trying to weaken me-” 

“It was the only way you get out of this alive," Yeong-su whispers. His throat bobs, the Adam’s apple nearly brushing the feather. Despite his fury, Felix pulls the feather back a few millimeters. 

“You were trying to get me caught,” Felix spits. 

“No,” Yeong-su denies again. “No, I was supposed to-” 

“Stop lying !” Felix screams. 

“This is bigger than just you,” Yeong-su whispers. “This is the biggest event of the year, and you’re just one Angel. You’re going to die doing this.” 

“I don’t care,” Felix spits. 

The front door slams open. Hyunjin and Minho stand in the doorway, mouths agape. 

Well, they stand for mere seconds. Then they’re moving. 

“C’mon,” Hyunjin pulls Felix tenderly, gently, away from Yeong-su and upright. Felix lets him, his gaze still fixed on Yeong-su. All the while, Minho stands guard, his eyes a physical weight keeping Yeong-su down. Felix stumbles towards the door. 

“Lose his number,” Minho growls. 

“Wait, Felix,” Yeong-su hisses. Despite the betrayal, despite the way the knife twists and twists, Felix looks back just before Minho can slam the door shut. “I need you to know- I didn’t mean to lie-” 

“But you did,” Felix whispers. “Fuck off, Yeong-su.” 

Minho slams the door shut. Hyunjin tugs the hoodie off of Felix’s waist, his eyes on the ceiling as he searches for what Felix presumes are security cameras. Felix relaxes his wings as Hyunjin pulls the garment over the feathers, then readjusts his beanie. 

“Do you want comfort or space?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix doesn’t think he can bring himself to speak. The last time they spoke – really spoke – they were wielding accusations, full names framed like insults, and glares sharper than Felix’s feathers, but Hyunjin is being so soft. 

“One or two,” Hyunjin rephrases. 

Felix holds up two fingers. 

Hyunjin nods. “We’ll get you out of here.” 

And they do. Minho and Hyunjin don’t speak to him or to each other, but they seem very confident as they stride out of the apartment building and into a van. Felix is unsurprised to see the other members there, and with his instincts still fragile, the golden threads feel corporeal despite the tension Felix knows was mere hours ago; the tension that might still be there come morning. 

“We’re going to the ATEEZ apartment,” Chan says softly. “They’re away for their concert and they gave us the code to the back entrance. Wooyoung knows what’s going on.” 

Felix nods. 

Because it’s all he can do. 

There’s something inside of him that is dying; that has to be the answer. The well of anger is slowly being drained, filled with cement, welded shut. The butterfly house of his stomach goes still, empty in a way he might have loved once as every winged hope and fear falls flat to the basin of his gut. The nest of snakes in his brain, writhing what-ifs and maybe-nots freeze, rot, drain down the back of his throat. 

The ATEEZ dorm is familiar; it’s like every other idol dorm Felix has ever been in, and in that way, it’s perfect. Felix thinks he wants nothing more than to collapse into a mattress and fall asleep, but he doesn’t imagine the sheen of betrayal coating his skin will let him rest. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin catches his hand when the door is closed. They’re all looking at him expectantly, but Hyunjin’s expression – open, patient, kind – is the one he focuses on. “Baby, what’d he say to you?” 

Baby. Felix wants to swallow the word and choke on it. He wants to cry. 

Scratch that, Felix is already crying. Maybe he has been for the past ten minutes. 

He didn’t even notice; he didn’t feel it – he doesn’t feel anything.

“You were right,” Felix chokes on his tears, but he swallows against them; he’s fallen apart too many times, felt the knife in his back twist again and again. “I’m too trusting. I was an idiot. I am an idiot.” 

“What?” Hyunjin takes a step closer, his hand moving from Felix’s wrist to gently cup his jaw. Chan also approaches. 

“You’re not an idiot, Sunshine,” Chan says softly. 

But Felix is. He shakes his head so hard that tears go flying side to side. But still, he doesn’t break. There’s nothing left to break.

“He doesn’t even have wings,” Felix says. “He knows the Bureau. He … he was playing me the whole time.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes flash wide with surprise, but he pulls Felix towards him nonetheless. Felix’s legs buckle beneath him, all of the exhaustion hitting at once, and Hyunjin catches him, guides him to the couch. They’re talking – to him, to each other, words passing over his head like airplanes – but all Felix can focus on his life as he knows it slipping out of his hands. He feels like a passenger to his own undoing.  

He’s not going to the award show. 

He’s not going on tour. 

He doesn’t even know if he can make it an airport without the Bureau finding him. Felix can’t walk down the street without a picture of him popping up on social media five seconds later. Maybe, if he was normal, if he was just Felix, he’d get through life unscathed, wings be damned. Ironic, he thinks, that the fame he was so proud of months ago feels like a death sentence now. 

He swallows the whimpers that try desperately to form. Yeong-su was as correct as he was a snake – and Felix will not fall to his emotions again; Felix won’t hope. 

“You were all right,” Felix says flatly. “I was being reckless. I made everything worse.” 

And the members don’t look the least bit happy. Minho slips next to him, moves to wrap him into a side cuddle, but Felix remains rigid and nonpliant. 

“You just care too much,” Minho says. 

“Sweetheart, I- we were just scared,” Hyunjin murmurs, his fingers playing in the loose hairs at the nape of Felix’s neck. “But you’re not reckless, you’re not an idiot-” 

“I am, and it’s fine,” Felix says weakly. “I … I know I can’t go, okay?” 

Can’t go now, probably can’t go to anything ever again, the thoughts thud rhythmically against his temple until he feels dizzy. 

“It’s okay, Bbokie,” Minho says. “It’s okay.” 

“Stop lying,” Felix whispers. 

Minho does; which is just to say he stops making promises he, too, cannot keep.

Eventually the stares become overwhelming, and Felix wanders to Wooyoung’s bed silently. Once again, no one stops him, but this time, he thinks it might because they don't know what to make of him. He doesn’t know what to make of himself either. 

Sunshine, they call him. 

Felix could laugh if he had any energy left to give. 

Suns have a very peculiar way of imploding, after all. 

Notes:

sooooo that was kind of a lot???? we hate it??? we love it??? are we feeling intrigued ?????

I hate making the characters fight :(
emo Felix is back and sadder than ever!!
genuinely feeling emo myself as we draw closer to an ending, but I'm so stoked about how these last few chapters will play out!

I will once again say 'updates either Monday or Tuesday' because the last time I confidently said Monday I got the chapter out super late!

Chapter 23: gave up my youth for my future

Summary:

Despite the sting of Yeong-su's betrayal, the bitterness of his fight with the members, and the ache of the Bureau's looming presence, Felix finds himself numb.

And Hyunjin and the members find themselves stepping up.

Notes:

hellooooo I'm baaaaack !!

eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that I through this guy into a series! there will NOT be a sequel but I ended up publishing a lil one shot of Jisung and Felix in the bathroom after the LV show (so obviously it's discussing smutty sex things but like silly about it) -- I'm hoping to upload more behind the scenes/pre story chapters there: tail feathers !

strap in, babes, we've got 12K words and no one is gonna like me at the end of it <3 <3 <3

Hyunjin finds himself on the couch yet again. 

He’d wanted, very badly, to sleep in Wooyoung’s room, if only to listen to the quiet sounds of Felix’s breathing, but there had been something Felix’s face last nice (this morning? Time is blurring together) that had screamed don’t talk to me. 

Not viciously, not the way he’d radiated anger to the tips of his feathers during the confrontation; no, Felix had been despondent. Absent. A light Hyunjin had taken for granted was gone from his eyes when they’d collected him from Yeong-su’s. 

I need you to know, I didn’t mean to lie. Yeong-su had looked shattered from where he’d lain on the floor. And Hyunjin has been a Yeong-su hater from day one … so why does he feel hollow about how things turned out? Maybe it’s because of the way Felix seemed so beaten down. I’m an idiot, he’d said. 

You took his trusting nature and threw it in his face, Hyunjin tells himself. 

He was being reckless, Hyunjin argues back. He was hiding things again.

Or did you force him to hide because you wouldn’t take the time to listen? 

Hyunjin groans and drags his hands down his face. It’s too early to be awake, especially given the little amount of sleep he got last night. They have two days until the award show, which means two days to rechoreograph their set for seven. The mere idea makes Hyunjin curl up a bit more tightly on his side. He doesn’t want to leave gaps for Felix in choreography, doesn’t want to smile at the crowds and thank STAY, if they win an award, while Felix remains alone. Felix hates being alone. 

“You’re up early?” 

He’s unsurprised to see Chan emerging from the hallway towards the kitchen. He’s equally unsurprised to see Chan’s miserable expression. 

“Did you sleep at all?” Hyunjin asks. Chan shrugs. 

“I dozed.” 

“He’s still asleep, I’m assuming?” 

Chan doesn’t need clarification as to who they’re talking about. “I peaked in. He … he didn’t close the door.” 

Hyunjin swallows roughly. “He’s still scared. He still has nightmares. I don’t think he remembers that he has them anymore, because when he wakes up, he’s fine. But the trauma’s still there.” 

Chan stares down the hall as coffee brews. “You’d take it all for him, wouldn’t you?” 

“In a heartbeat,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Yeah,” Chan nods sadly. “I think we all would.” 

Eventually, the members trickle in. No one speaks, but whether it’s due to sheer exhaustion or the unspoken mountain of things unsaid, he’s not sure. It’s like they’re all waiting for Felix’s lead, like they’re wayward astral bodies left to float aimlessly without his gravity. 

Felix enters the living room with his eyes downcast, headphones on, and hoodie up, and Hyunjin’s stomach sinks. A bad day, he thinks. It’s gonna be a bad day. 

“We’re gonna be late,” Felix says. His voice is gravelly but flat, the way it had been last night. “You have to rechoreograph the set for seven.” 

Minho nearly drops the bottle of water he’s holding, but he takes a slow breath to avoid flinching too much. “Yeah, I guess so.” 

Felix nods once, adjusts his headphones, and waits by the door. Like he doesn’t care. It hurts Hyunjin more than he thinks is normal. 

“Should we be going to the company?” Changbin asks. “We need to talk about this – Bureau Agents showed up outside of where we sleep. That’s information no one should have, except people at the company.”

“Jung knew,” Seungmin says softly. “I’ve been thinking…” 

His eyes slide over to Felix, who is staring at his phone blankly. His grip shifts, and Hyunjin can see that he’s on Spotify. 

“Felix downloaded the database onto one of his own thumb drives, right?” Seungmin says softly. “He said he left in in Jung’s office-” 

“Jung went over the desk,” Jeongin sits up as he remembers. “I couldn’t see what he was doing, but if he took it-” 

“There might have been something on it that Felix didn’t know he’d uploaded at one point, something that indicated the thumb drive belonged to him. Jung clearly suspected him, but if he needed more proof after his maturation memories at the concert? That thumb drive could have solidified it all.” 

“He was also furious,” Jeongin says. “It was clear he didn’t think he should have been fired. Maybe it pushed him over the edge, made him act more quickly than he would have.” 

“That’s ominous,” Jisung says quietly. Hyunjin furrows his brows. “If Jung strongly suspected or knew Felix was Angel, but he only just now acted rashly due to anger, what was he waiting for in the first place?”

No one has any answer. 

“We stay as eight today unless we can help it,” Chan says. He’s been watching the conversation from the kitchen, his eyes dark with concern. “Someone has to use the restroom? Congrats, we all go. Someone gets pulled aside for a conversation? They take me or Minho, no exceptions. And if Lix…” 

Chan looks at Felix, and whatever he wants to say gets lost in his head. He looks at Felix like the younger is on his deathbed. 

“He doesn’t go anywhere alone,” Chan says firmly, if not a bit thickly. All of the members nod. “Okay, Lix was right, we’re gonna be late. Beanies and masks – let’s get out of here.” 

---

“Hyunjin, move into the window between Innie and Ji,” Minho points at the gap. Hyunjin shifts belatedly, his eyes flickering away from Minho and back to where they’ve been locked on Felix. 

He’s in the corner of the practice room on the ground, leaning against the mirror but far from relaxed. He has his headphones on still, but he hasn’t made any moves to browse his phone or distract himself. Instead, he stares blankly at the far wall – seeing, but not really. He doesn’t even seem present enough to be thinking about anything in particular. 

“Jinnie,” Jisung elbows him softly. “C’mon, focus.” 

Hyunjin nods as the music is cued up again. 

Felix doesn’t look up even once. 

The day passes with agonizing slowness. At this point, they’re running the same ten minutes of dancing over and over again, only to rehearse the song until Hyunjin thinks he’ll scream if he hears the opening again. He’s given one of Felix’s couplet of lines, while Minho takes the other an octave up, and they exchange griefstricken glances as they mark up their sheet music. 

And Felix just drifts amongst it all. Hyunjin tries to give him space at the beginning of the day, but their distance is unbearable. He wants, very desperately, to pull Felix aside and hash things out, to apologize for forcing his hand but also to explain his side of things in a tone that isn’t vicious. Maybe it would work, except Felix seems like less of a person and more of a body. His eyes are matte, not a sparkle in sight, and he seems to be staring through anyone who speaks to him. Normally, when Felix is having a bad day, it reads all over his body – hunched shoulders, arms wound tight around his middle, pouty lips that tremble and purse – but whatever Felix is feeling (or isn't feeling? Hyunjin considers) seems to have sapped out any movement. He stands straight, hands at his side, head not bowed but not aloft either. His mouth remains a flat line because, with the headphones, he can’t be expected to speak. 

After their first rehearsal, Hyunjin tests the waters in the form of a gentle linking of their pinkies. It’s the closest they can get to holding hands within the company, and usually, Felix beams up at him, swinging their joined hands together with a giggle that Hyunjin thinks he could get high on if given the chance. 

Felix doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t giggle; he doesn’t even react. He just … stands there. 

Hyunjin meets Minho’s eye over the top of Felix’s head. Minho’s eyes look watery. 

They take lunch in the 3RACHA studio instead of the cafeteria – partially because it’s more relaxed that way, and partially to avoid being around any more people than necessary. They still don’t know if Jung was the only Agent at JYPE or if he has friends here. 

“Here, Bbokie, I got you a cookie,” Minho nudges a paper-wrapped bag towards Felix, who is curled at the corner of the couch. His eyes drop to the cookie, then up to Minho’s hopeful face. 

“M’not hungry,” he says softly. “Thank you though, hyung.” 

Minho’s smile flickers transparently. “Keep it in case you get hungry later.” 

If this was pre-debut Felix, and the rejection now was the same impetus as a rejection back then would have been, Minho would have pushed. He would have pulled Felix aside, offered him choices of food, but stayed resolute until some amount of nourishment was ultimately consumed. And Felix wouldn’t sound so neutral – he would have pouted, then whined, then snipped, then gone sulkily silent. In case you get hungry would have been grounds for an argument that the rest of the members simply didn’t know how to navigate as well as Minho did. 

Now, though, Felix just nods once, takes the cookie, and puts it into his bag. 

Hyunjin can’t do this anymore. He can’t watch his boyfriend sink deeper into himself, can’t watch him sit like a hollow shell of himself while the rest of them pretend things are normal. 

Chan is in the recording booth fixing a bundled knot of wires. Hyunjin waits until Felix is silently dissociating again before he creeps in after the leader. 

“Chan-hyung,” Hyunjin says. “I need to talk to everyone, and I need Felix to not be there for the conversation.” 

Hyunjin clearly surprises Chan. He jolts, nearly getting tangled in an extension cord in the process, but straightens. “Okay, um, do you want me there for the conversation or do you want Minho there?” 

“Definitely you,” Hyunjin says. “I can fill Minho in later, but I need to talk to you most of all.” 

Chan’s brows disappear in his bangs, which are starting to curl in the way all the members adore. “Okay. I’ll have Minho take him on a coffee run. Fuck, I hate talking about him like this.” 

“Me too,” Hyunjin nods. “And I think that’s part of the problem.” 

When Minho tells Felix he’s going to grab coffee and maybe get a snack, so would he like to come help his favorite hyung? Felix barely blinks. He just rises, unfeeling, and follows him out of the studio like a ghost. 

The members stare at the closed door until Minho’s voice fades away. 

“Are we gonna talk about him?” Seungmin asks. There’s a note of defiance in his voice, a protectiveness. 

“Yes,” Hyunjin says. He stands up, like the added height will make his words sink in more. “Because I think we fucked up.” 

“What?” Jeongin asks. Already, an edge of defensiveness is creeping into his voice. Hyunjin gives him a cautioning side eye, then pulls out his phone. 

“I wrote down what I remember Felix saying last night,” Hyunjin says. “It’s definitely not verbatim, and I realized it was hard to recall because I wasn’t listening very well. I was so focused on getting him to just say ‘yes’ that I didn’t pay attention for the reasons he wanted to say ‘no’.” 

“Hyunjin, you know why we don’t want him to tell Dai,” Chan says. 

“Yeah, I do,” Hyunjin agrees. “Do you know what Felix wants, though?” 

Chan sits up a little straighter. “I - yeah, of course. He wants to protect Dai and the other trainees.” 

“Okay,” Hyunjin nods. “How?” 

Chan furrows his brow. “I mean …” He looks at each member, his lips pursed the way they are whenever he’s trying to recall choreo. “Well, he wants …” 

“Do any of you know?” Hyunjin asks the others. “I don’t, I’m genuinely curious.” 

“Fuck,” Jisung deflates. “No, we cut him off before he could ever actually tell us.” 

“But does it matter?” Jeongin still looks resolute. Hyunjin knows that Jeongin is different with Felix than he is with the rest of them; he’s the baby, and the group (admittedly) loves to coddle and coo over him; Felix, though, is happy to let Jeongin flex some of his natural protectiveness. “Telling Dai would be too risky. I mean, he almost blabbed about it in the middle of the company, not to mention sneaking around-” 

“Exactly,” Hyunjin points at Jeongin encouragingly. “Sneaking around. One of things I remember Felix saying was something along the lines of being forced to promise that he wouldn’t help Dai or the trainees, that he wouldn’t get involved.” 

“He did, but he also didn’t,” Seungmin points out. “Like, he sent them headphones and clearly spent a lot of time checking the portal, but he was right – he never interacted with the trainees besides Dai, and that was at the company with us.” 

Hyunjin bites his lip as shame bubbles up inside of him. Because he knows, out of everyone, he probably made Felix feel like talking about the trainees, talking about his fears, and finding a solution wasn’t possible. 

“You think we pushed him until he felt like he had no choice but to do something on his own,” Chan clarifies. His eyes are glassy, posture tense; he’s basically wearing a sign around his neck: Guilty, Guilty, Guilty . 

“I think we’re doing our best in a situation we never would have known how to navigate,” Hyunjin tells Chan specifically. “And I think we didn’t handle it the best. Listen, Felix has been trying so hard to accept help. He’s never been good at that. But last night? He was being vulnerable – I mean, when was the last time he was allowed to be angry? When was the last time he screamed like that without someone coddling him or without apologizing immediately after? He wasn’t exactly shy about his feelings, and it’s clear that the protectiveness he feels to Dai isn’t a choice for him. I think we’re asking him to do something that goes directly against who he is – not just as an Angel, but as our Felix.” 

“We should apologize,” Changbin says. “Not all at once, not right this second, but soon. Maybe even just texting him acknowledging that we were wrong for ambushing him, especially when he’d just found out about Jung. And now with Yeong-su-”

A palpable iciness washes across the room. Hyunjin feels the scowl forming on his face. Changbin grimaces in sympathy. 

“-he must feel alone. Alone and insecure.” 

“Binnie’s right,” Chan nods. Jisung leans against his side (and if Chan is the billboard for Guilty, Jisung is the flashing neon sign of Anxious ). “I … I was unfair to him. I accused him of trying to make me feel guilty because it was working. I do feel guilty, because I know Felix is right – as much as I want to keep him safe, I’d be an idiot if I said Dai wasn’t in a huge amount of danger.” 

“Hyung,” Hyunjin crouches in front of Chan. “Trust me. Guilt? I’ve got heaps of it - did you hear what I said to him? How I spoke to him? Before we got together, we had a whole conversation about him feeling like he has to be sunshine just to appease everyone, especially me. I took all of that and threw it in his face.” 

Hyunjin’s voice catches on the threat of emotions. Chan immediately brushes his hands across Hyunjin’s hair. 

“We can’t fix everything at once, but we can listen. And maybe, instead of just telling him that he can’t do anything to help the trainees, we try to come up with some ways that we can help.” 

“That’s …” Seungmin looks like someone just told him two-plus-two has, in fact, been five all along. “Why didn’t we think of that?” 

“Because we’re idiots?” Changbin pokes Seungmin in the side, earning himself a wicked side eye in the process. 

“I actually think I have an idea,” Chan says. Hyunjin sighs. 

“Me too. But I need you to trust me on it.”  

---

Dai dances just like Hyunjin remembers Felix dancing. Two hundred percent power, eyes like twin stars, every movement practiced in a way that screams I was here till three AM and I’ll probably be here just as late tonight. 

As soon as the song ends, though, Dai slouches to the floor. He’s wearing a long sleeve shirt, but the fabric is thin, and Hyunjin can make out the ripples of his rib cage as he breathes so heavily. Jaesang crouches next to him, a hand resting cautiously at the top of his spine. 

Felix was right – he looks horrible. Even his smile (the one Felix himself has been stunned by) is weak when he looks up at Jaesang. 

Hyunjin steps aside when the choreographer leaves, then waits with bated breath as the group members file out. Dai is the last one, flanked by Jaesang and Seokjin, and he freezes when he sees Hyunjin. 

“Hyung!” he smiles. “What are you doing here?” 

“I was actually hoping to speak with you,” Hyunjin says. “I wanted to … well, I want to help clarify some things.” 

Seokjin and Jaseang glance at each other quickly. 

“It’s about yesterday,” Hyunjin adds.

“Dai,” Seokjin says. “You shouldn’t go alone.” 

“We can speak in this practice room if you want,” Hyunjin motions to the room they’d just left. “We can leave the blinds up and everything.” 

Jaesang purses his lips. “I don’t-” 

“Yes,” Dai says firmly. “Yeah, please.”

Then he grabs Hyunjin’s wrist (and why is Jaesang glaring at him like that?), tugs him inside, and slams the door. 

“Sorry, they’ve been really overprotective, I really apologize-” 

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin waves a hand as he sinks onto the floor. “I’d love to say I get it from your perspective, but I’ve been the one overprotecting Felix for, well, basically forever.” 

Dai grins a little. Even with the obvious exhaustion, despite how unwell he’s feeling, it’s sunshiney. 

“I, um, I want to talk to you a little bit, but I probably can't answer any of your questions the way you deserve, if at all,” Hyunjin says. “It should be Lix talking to you, but we stopped him before he could. I’m trying to make things right, now.” 

“Okay?” Dai looks supremely anxious. “Okay, um, go ahead I guess?” 

“So I can’t really tell you why, but there are some things I strongly encourage you to do. I know you have no reason to trust me, and I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I was crazy-” 

“I trust you,” Dai interrupts with a small frown. Hyunjin pauses. 

“What? Why?” 

Dai shrugs, blushing a bit. “I don’t really know. I just get a good vibe from you. I can’t really explain it, plus I trust Felix-hyung. Also you, uh, remind me of one of my group members. Or at least they way he is with me.” 

Dai’s eyes flicker to the door, to where Jaesang is practically fogging the glass with how closely he’s standing to the window. Despite the topic, Hyunjin fights to bite back a grin. Cute. 

Dai’s smile falls and he winces, hand pressing at his shoulder with a small hiss of pain. “This is about what’s happening to me, right? My back, my emotions, my nausea, the … the thoughts?” 

“Yeah, it is,” Hyunjin sighs softly. “Like I said, Felix will be the one who can explain everything. I … it would be unfair of me to take this moment from him, especially given that I was the one who wanted him to not tell you in the first place.” 

Hyunjin clears his throat and takes out the list, crammed with writing. He and Seungmin had spent a good hour brainstorming. Because maybe they couldn’t tell Dai or the trainees that they are angels, certainly not without Felix’s guidance, but they could try to tell Dai the rules. Of all of the trainees, he seems the closest to maturing. 

“Okay, first things first. Always wear the headphones, with the noise cancellation feature on, anytime you’re not with a member. If any of these things happen –” Hyunjin drags his fingertip down the indented bullet points, amongst them sudden stillness, lack of response to others, and golden eyes , “– they need to take you to a room with a lock as quickly as possible. It could be this practice room, or a bathroom, I don’t care. They get you there and they keep you there until you snap out of it, okay?” 

“Golden eyes?” Dai asks. Hyunjin flattens his lips. “Right, you can’t tell me.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t say sorry; it won’t help. “Listening to music helps, especially when the songs make you feel happy or make you think of someone you care about. If the thoughts get bad, find a member, put on the music, and cuddle. Also, try to avoid feeling guilty?” 

Dai laughs. “Yeah, right, easier said than done.” 

Wow, God really said copy paste , he thinks. “I know it sounds impossible, but tell your members that you might need extra validation. Worried someone’s upset with you? Make sure they tell you that they’re not. Because I promise you, you’re not a burden to them.” 

“Are you in my head or something?” Dai looks genuinely a bit spooked. Hyunjin chuckles. 

“You’re just a lot like Lix,” he explains. “You mentioned nausea, right? I know you don’t wanna eat, so meet-” he pulls a protein shake out of his bag (the strawberry ones that Lix so prefers) and slides it across the floor “-your new best friend. You need to be as healthy as possible, and while it’d be better if you could stomach full meals, I know that’s a lot easier said than done right now. These will help.” 

“O-okay,” Dai turns the bottle over in his hands. 

“We already ordered a bulk package to your dorms with various flavors, but Lix swears by the strawberry.” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Dai breathes; God, his eyes are like a baby deer’s. 

“I know, but we wanted to,” Hyunjin says. “Okay, so I know your back hurts, and to be honest I don’t think there’s a lot we can do to help. I just want to tell you … not to freak out?” 

Dai huffs a laugh, his eyes falling to the floor. “Too little, too late.” 

Hyunjin physically bites his tongue until he tastes iron. He wants to ask, wants to know if his skin is bumpy yet? Or, even worse – have pinprick feathers started to push their way to the surface?

Dai must see Hyunjin’s gritted-teeth silence. “I … I know you can’t tell me, but I know you can talk to Felix-hyung. I thought it was an allergy at first – that’s what the emergency clinic I went to said; the day he found me, the day he stopped me from seeing the company doctor, I felt like there was something inside my skin. Like there was something trying to come out. I’m … I’ve never been so scared.” 

“I know,” Hyunjin whispers; he feels tears spring to his eyes. “God, I know, and he felt the same way.” 

“He’s alive,” Dai says. “That’s all I’ve been telling myself since yesterday – if he’s alive, then I might be able to be alive too.” 

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Don’t be,” Dai says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” And then, with a shy tilt of the head. “Do you think I could talk to him?” 

Hyunjin thinks of the blank-eyed Felix he’s seen all day. “Soon. After the award show. He’s just … he’s having a really rough day today, and I made it way worse.” 

Hyunjin hangs his head; how the fuck did he get so wrapped up everything that he honestly believed Felix’s care towards someone like Dai was a bad thing? 

“I’m the worst boyfriend ever.” 

The words leave his lips before he can even think to stop them. It’s only Dai’s slight intake of breath that makes him realize what he said. 

“Shit,” Hyunjin gasps. “Oh, fuck. Um, my friend, you know? A boy who is a friend-” 

“Hyung, it’s okay,” Dai is positively pink and looks giddy. “I knew it. I told Jaesang, but he said I was being silly-” 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Hyunjin begs. “Fuck, Chan is gonna kill me.” 

“So you’re together?” Dai asks. “Do you … do you love him?” 

And oh my God how is anyone able to deny this kid anything? He has his hands clasped to his chest, eyes wide and dreamy; he must have crawled out of a Disney film, or Wonderland, or whatever beautiful, perfect, rose-tinted land Felix seems to find himself living in as well. 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin can’t fight the smile, and he doesn’t even bother. “Yeah, I love him.” 

“See?” Dai beams. “I knew I could trust you.” 

---

Felix remembers the first time he faced off against a wave. 

Eight years old, confident in the way only children manage to be; the ocean was not the mammoth face of the earth, but his playground. He knew the shells amongst the sand, the lapping caress of the water against his ankles, the exact moment the shallows shifted from sun-baked warmth to a siren-cold deep. 

He wasn’t supposed to go past the sandbar, and that was his Mom’s number one rule, but he was eight and basically a grown up, so he tiptoed past the edge, buoyant amongst the salt as the sea floor fell away. He ducked under, mindless of the salt-water sting in his eyes and the ever-baking starscatter of freckles on his young shoulders, and swam, the world above falling away to the glug-glug-glug below. 

When he surfaced, he faced not joy-bright sky, but a wall. A wall of black-blue water, four times his size. 

And Felix froze. He didn’t move – he didn’t duck under or suck in a desperate breath or even scream. 

He just watched as the wave approached, watched as it blocked away the sun and the joy-bright sky, and watched as it collapsed on top of him. He tumbled, all limbs and hopes and lollypop excitement, beneath the black-blue. And there had been a moment where everything was so much and so nothing – much-nothing , he’d conjured in that moment – that he hadn’t had room to be scared. He’d only been there, a wayward body in the monstrous ocean, and he’d simply let it all take him.

Now, sitting in the ATEEZ dorm on Wooyoung’s bed after a day watching the life he’s already mourning, he’s back in the black-blue, away from the joy-bright sky; he’s tumbled and shaken and every manner of affected, and he’s powerless to let it happen. He thinks, realistically, everyone else is home too, because it’s nearly ten PM and the schedules tend to get more lenient the closer they get to an event. 

Hyunjin enters the room; it’s the first spark of something that wakes him up – and Hyunjin looks satisfied, a bit pink at the cheeks, determined – so he makes an effort to react. 

His reaction is, apparently, sitting up slightly straight and pausing his playlist. 

Hyunjin slides next to him and gently, cautiously, presses their shoulders together. It’s not quite a touch (and Felix did ask for space last night-slash-this morning, held up two instead of one) but it’s an invitation to sink against his side. Problem is, Felix expended all of his energy just sitting up slightly.   

Felix’s phone is already open, and moving his thumb requires very little effort, so he taps on the Instagram icon, this on his notifications when he sees that there’s something new posted from one of the whopping nine accounts he follows. 

gnabnahc uploaded a new post. 

Felix blinks, taps on the post, and something shifts; the black-blue gives way, if just for a moment. 

It’s the photo they took before Felix ruined everything. The photo of Stray Kids and Trainee Group 4, beaming and sweaty. Dai is front and center, tucked against Chan’s side. 

gnabnahc keep your eyes on these Kids!

“Yeah, he uploaded that a little bit ago,” Hyunjin murmurs. Felix almost jumps; he’d forgotten Hyunjin was there for a moment. 

“Why?” Felix asks. And oh, he sounds a little bit like himself when he speaks.

Hyunjin doesn’t gasp, but Felix can feel the way his chest expands fractionally in surprise. He can’t blame him – Felix hasn’t spoken since he rejected the cookie from Minho. “Why don’t you ask him?” 

Felix nods and Hyunjin gently clamors off of the bed. He holds and hand out, and a younger part of Felix giggles and leaps at the sudden image that pops into his head ( a real, fairytale prince, hand extended and lips just tilted in a smile ); he forces his limbs to move with all the perseverance of a marathon runner, and Hyunjin meets him halfway, enveloping his hand in his own. 

“Come on, Lixie,” Hyunjin says; and Felix goes. 

All of the members are in the living room, but Jeongin is focused on his Switch, tip of his tongue just visible where it pokes between his teeth, and Changbin and Jisung have a bud each of a set of headphones in one ear, respectively, as they manipulate soundwaves of some song demo. Seungmin looks up at him and smiles, and Minho doesn’t need to turn his head to find Felix – it’s as if he’s been staring at Wooyoung’s door the whole time. 

Chan is at the kitchen table, his laptop open but his hands fiddling with a bracelet on his arm. When he spots Felix, he sits up. 

Felix simply walks towards him and slides his phone across the table. 

“You saw it?” Chan clarifies. Felix nods. 

“Why?” Felix asks. Chan nods once, swallows visibly, and stands up. He doesn’t wrap Felix in his arms, like Felix is expecting, nor does he hover a respectable, leader-worthy distance away. At this moment, he’s just Chris. 

“I was unfair to you,” he says. “I didn’t listen, I didn’t hear what you were saying. I was scared, and it made me selfish.” 

Felix just nods. It’s true – he’s just genuinely shocked to hear the words. He blinks and finds his eyes to be wet. 

Chan doesn’t push him for a response, just continues speaking. “We’ve talked so much about the dangers of being seen by the wrong person, but I started thinking about the flip side, you know? People from the Bureau who know who you are-” 

Who I am. 

“-don’t need a billboard to recognize you. If you went missing, there would be an uproar. Private investigators, police forces, everyone in Seoul would be fighting to get you back.” 

I never thought about it that way. 

“So I thought – we should give that same level of protection to Dai.” 

Felix looks up. He meets Chan’s eyes, warm and brown and hopeful, not expectant. 

“For Dai?” 

“For Dai,” Chan confirms. “It’s not a lot, I know, but it’s something – not only does this push his trainee group into the limelight and give JYPE more of a reason to debut them, but it makes it clear that we, and anyone who sees him from my post, would notice if he were to go missing.” 

Felix feels the shift happen again, catches a glimpse of joy-sky in the depth of Chan’s dimple. 

“You did that for me?” He whispers. 

All of the members are looking at him now, but he focuses only on Chan. 

“I did it for Dai, because you believe that this is important,” Chan says. “And I believe you, even if I’ve done a shit job of proving that.” 

Felix blinks. A tear falls, warm but not hot, down his cheek. 

“Hey Chan?” Felix asks. 

“Yeah?” Chan barely breathes. 

“Can,” Felix swallows hard, aggressively, desperate. “Can you make me hot chocolate?” 

And Chan’s tears breach his lashline now. “Of course, Lix.” 

---

Full of hot chocolate, Felix feels exhaustion careen towards sleepiness. He knows he’s still under the water, so to speak, knows that he can’t be bothered to plaster on a smile nor speak up; but he feels comfortable. 

Scratch that: he feels at all, and it’s wonderful. 

He knows they all talked about him; normally, the idea would make his back prickle with irritation, but he thinks they must have regrouped proactively. Regrouped to consider why he was driven to such aggressive anger. 

Chan’s ensuing apology, over hot chocolate, of course, is a mix of words and actions, but his post with Dai and the other baby trainees has already absolved him in Felix’s mind. He knows that Chan takes his role as leader very seriously, and his overprotection is baseline, not the exception; he can’t begrudge Chan for worrying (nor any of the members), so long as they continue to listen. 

The other initial apologies come in different forms. Minho apologizes in his action; he asks Felix for help making dinner, and as Felix is chopping vegetables for the rice, Minho knocks their heads together. Felix nuzzles back (he imagines that the actions translate, in cat language, to I’m sorry, and I forgive you ). Changbin ruffles his hair, pinches his cheek, says in a murmur: Hyungs will listen more carefully, yeah? You’re too pretty to put up with us, and it pulls an actual giggle out of Felix. Jisung approaches him with preemptively teary eyes; he has written an apology on his phone, and Felix lets him read through the whole thing even though he’s forgiven Jisung by the first bullet ( You deserve my trust despite my fears ) before pulling him into a bonecrushing hug. Seungmin apologizes for hiding the thumb drive and removes it from his safe, assuring Felix that he’s more than welcome to check the portal whenever he’d like. Jeongin is caught off guard when Felix apologizes to him first – Felix feels bad about snapping at Jeongin, about putting him a situation where he had to choose between Felix’s rage or betraying Chan’s guidance – to which Jeongin reminds Felix that he’s a grown man and should have stood up for him sooner regardless. 

Hyunjin takes him aside after Felix finishes his second mug of hot chocolate, when Chan is busy making a third mug in the kitchen. They wordlessly end up on the balcony. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix says. Hyunjin’s eyebrows ride, but Felix pushes on. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m not choosing you. Not worrying about you.” 

“I know,” Hyunjin says. “Felix, I put you in an impossible situation. I asked you to not care about someone who needed help – wings or no wings, that goes against who you are as a person, and I’m desperately in love with who you are as a person.” 

“I should have communicated better,” Felix shrugs. “I should have realized that I was scaring you.” 

“Well I should have spoken with you sooner,” Hyunjin counters. “I should have worked with you instead of just trying to get you to drop everything.” Felix drops his head, but Hyunjin’s fingers catch him at the chin. He doesn’t redirect Felix’s gaze, just brushes his fingers along Felix’s jaw. “I spoke with Dai.” 

“What?” 

Hyunjin takes out his phone and shows Felix a drafted document. His lips part as he reads the rules. 

“I didn’t say anything else other than what’s written on here, and I’m so sorry if this was going too far – being told he’s an angel is your right, you’ve been fighting for that, and it should come from someone who gets it, like with you and Wooyoung. But this way, he’ll have a better chance – both in avoiding the Bureau and the Hunters as well as surviving the maturation when it comes.” 

Joy-bright sky. Bright and clear and shimmering in Hyunjin’s eyes. 

“Thank you,” Felix whispers. “Fuck, I don’t even – I’d given up on everything else, the fact that you were able to look out for him like this …”  

“What do you mean, given up?” Hyunjin asks. 

“I just don’t know what to do,” Felix whispers. “I’ve tried everything, but it feels like the second I get an upperhand, something happens that sets me back to zero. Survive my maturation? Jung notices that I’m behaving differently. Learn to fly? The Hunters show up. Get my instincts under control? The Bureau finds out who I am. I can’t even go back to the dorms.” 

Hyunjin is nodding, but his eyes are shimmering with something scared and uncertain. “I … honestly, there’s nothing I can think to say to that.” 

And Felix knows; Felix knows that Hyunjin knows, and that the others must know as well. They’re running dangerously low when it comes to options. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Hyunjin says. He moves somehow closer until Felix can see every single one of his moonlit lashes. “We always have.” 

“Luck runs out, Hyune,” Felix responds. “Mine has to too, at some point.” 

“Just trust us,” Hyunjin says. His gentle grip on Felix’s thigh tightens. “Trust me. ” 

“I always have,” Felix says, because it’s true.

“You look sleepy and cold,” Hyunjin brushes his hand across the goosebumps on Felix’s neck. 

“I am,” Felix admits. 

“Go ahead and shower. I’ll drink your hot chocolate happily, ” Hyunjin, drags his thumb along Felix’s wing, hidden beneath his hoodie, before leading him back inside the warmth of the apartment. “Besides, I need to call my Mom –” 

“Fine, fine, go, ” Felix fakes a pout and flutters his lashes; Hyunjin’s eyes flicker to his lips, his pinks rosy. Felix snorts and shoves him half-heartedly. “Call your Mom, get ready for bed, and come cuddle me after, you big baby.” 

“Yeah, bigger than you.” 

Hyunjin grins gleefully at Felix’s shocked scoff and jumps out of the way before he can be swatted by his wing. Felix is still smiling as he turns on the shower, though the now-familiar hollow fear settles in by the time he’s finished washing his feathers. He wants to trust the others, of course, and he does, but it’s hard to trust anyone when it comes to his wings. He trusted Yeong-su more implicitly than he’d expected, he’d meant it when he told Hyunjin and the others that he got a good energy from the other angel, but look where that got him? 

Still, the image flashes to his mind as he shuts off the water, of what Yeong-su’s maturation, and that time thereafter, but have been like. He thinks of the life-draining sensation of ignoring his instincts on their mini-tour. He’d been in pain, he’d felt terrified, and he'd still been surrounded by people who loved him. A month of isolation, of feeling the feathers die, of wanting to protect and having none of the ability-

No, Felix yells at himself. He lied to you. He works for the bureau. He is not the victim here. 

He dresses in his softest pajamas, half-heartedly blowdries his hair, and decides to steal and hug from Chan (certainly still awake and working) before going to bed, but low voices stop him in his tracks before he can enter the living room. 

He peaks around the corner. Chan and Hyunjin are on the balcony. Hyunjin’s head is bent forward, and his shoulders are shaking with tears. He takes another step forward, his wings immediately ruffling with concern, when he catches a snippet of conversation. 

“... he’s out of options.” 

It’s Hyunjin who says it, thick through tears, a bit high pitched. “... can’t keep hiding him forever.” 

Felix freezes. He shouldn’t be listening to this – he’s eavesdropping, and Hyunjin is crying…

… But he’s not crying to Felix. He’s crying to Chan. About Felix. 

Chan rubs his back. His voice, like Hyunjin’s, is low and difficult to make out in its entirety, but clearly racked with emotion. “ … he should leave Seoul…” 

It was just a good night, Felix realizes, but a thousand mugs of hot chocolate are powerless against the knife in his back – placed there by God knows who, pushed deep into his skin by Jung, twisted by the Hunters and Yeong-su. And now, just a little bit, by Chan and Hyunjin. 

You knew this was coming, he tries to remind himself. You told Hyunjin yourself – you’re running out of options. You’re why he’s having this conversation with Chan. 

He walks back to Wooyoung’s room in a daze. 

They’re going to ask him to leave Stray Kids. 

It’s worse, he thinks, that they’re sad. Maybe he should have taken himself out of the equation when they were still mad at them – maybe then, they could have held onto frustration to numb out some of the grief. 

His phone buzzes beside him. A text from Chan, directly to him. I just want to remind you that I love you. I need you to remember that, if nothing else. 

The first tear falls before he’s even finished reading the text. Because that’s a goodbye . He closes the door before the second can escape, ignoring the rush of panic that surges through his body, and barely makes it back to the bed before he’s falling apart. 

Hyunjin asked Felix to trust him, and he hates the fact that Felix’s fears, on the balcony, probably helped him get to the only conclusion Felix sees as viable: 

Felix has to give up, and he has to give up now. 

---

Minho is headed towards the bathroom when he notices two things. 

One, the door to Wooyoung’s room is closed shut, not even a centimeter of space there. 

Two, behind that closed door, someone is sobbing. 

Minho knocks with his hand already on the door knob, and the sight before him is as confusing as it is heartbreaking. Felix is curled on Wooyoung’s bed, his wings wrapped around his body like a blanket, while he sobs into the pillow. His shoulders shake; it sounds like he’s barely breathing. 

Minho gently closes the door behind him and then rushes to the bed. “Bbokie, what’s wrong?” 

He’s barely sitting on the mattress before Felix throws himself into Minho’s arms. Minho inhales in surprise, but wastes no time pulling Felix against him. 

“What’s wrong?” Minho whispers. “Was it the members? I’m sorry, Baby, I know we were unfair to you, so don’t for a second think you’re not still allowed to be upset-” 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Felix wails against Minho’s chest. Minho nearly falls over in surprise. Felix’s voice is wrecked and raw from tears. The last time he sounded like this … 

His tears are certainly soaking the fabric of Minho’s shirt, but Minho doesn’t care. Tears of his own suddenly sting at the corners of his eyes, and Minho tries desperately to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. 

“What in the world do you have to be sorry for,” he rocks him back and forth like the ocean, one hand centered between his wings, the other cupped at the back of his head. The hand shifts to his jaw, pulls Felix back so they can look each other in the eyes. “What in the world, Lee Yongbok, would you ever have to apologize for?” 

He is so beautiful, even like this, even with red eyes and a shimmer of tear tracks, face scrunched up in an expression nothing short of grieving. 

“We were like this when I got eliminated,” Felix whimpers. “Do you remember, Hyung? In the dorms?” 

Minho freezes. He doesn’t know what is going on, but he does know that if Felix is thinking about the cold, icy purgatory between elimination and debut, it’s bad. “Of course I do.” 

“I said I’d never leave,” Felix says. 

“I remember,” Minho nods; he’s trying very hard to disguise his growing anxiety. 

“Everything different now,” Felix whimpers. “And they’re gonna - I’m gonna have to-”

His whole face twists; somehow, the tears fall even faster. “I’m sorry, hyung, I’m so sorry-” 

He hides his face against Minho’s neck as the sobs overtake him once again. Minho can do nothing but stroke his feathers, his hair, offer comforts that seem meaningless in comparison to the violence of Felix’s sadness. 

“What happened?” Minho asks. “Bbokie, what happened?” 

Felix doesn’t answer. He just keeps crying, and when he finally stops, Minho realizes he’s asleep – it’s as if his energy drained as soon as his tears dried up. 

Minho lays with him for a while, watching the stuttering rise and fall of Felix’s chest. There’s a small notch between his brows like he can’t escape his distress even in his dreams. The last time he saw Felix a whopping thirty minutes, he was still quiet, still reserved, but he was smiling; he was drinking hot chocolate and half-wrapped around his boyfriend; and sure, there were still conversations to be had and apologies to be extrapolated on, but there had finally been a glimpse of Felix after a full day of silence and distance. 

Minho rises slowly and lays a blanket over Felix’s body; he doesn’t move, doesn’t even twitch – clearly, he’s going to be unconscious for a while – but Minho still tiptoes out of the room, leaving the door partially open behind him. Most of the members have retreated to a bed, and he can hear Hyunjin humming in the shower, but of course Chan is still up, frowning at his laptop like it personally offended him. 

“Did you say something to Lix before he went to bed?” Minho asks. Chan immediately closes his computer. 

“No, the last we spoke was when we hugged,” Chan says. “What? What’s wrong?” 

Minho sighs. Chan looks like one piece of bad news will be the death of him, but he’s also Mr. Honesty, so he settles for grabbing two beers from the fridge. 

“I just found him in Wooyoung’s room, and he was sobbing,” Minho figures he should just rip the bandage off. “I mean, really sobbing. I could barely get more than a few sentences out of him, and what he said made no sense.” 

Chan looks at the beer, pops the can, and takes a long drink. “What did he say?” 

“He just kept apologizing over and over again. Then he asked me if I remembered elimination; he mentioned how he’d said he’d never leave, then said something about how everything’s different now - and then he literally cried himself into unconsciousness.” 

Chan stares at the table like the wood grain itself might have an answer; then, he hangs his head. Minho watches a tear drip down his nose. 

“I promised him I’d never leave him behind,” Chan whispers. “Fuck, Min, maybe he wants to leave? Hyunjin’s worried about it too, he was just telling me he’s scared that Felix is giving up.” 

“Leave?” Minho sits up straighter. “No way, hyung, that’s the one thing Felix has been terrified of this whole time!” 

“You saw him today, Minho,” Chan chokes on a sob. “He wasn’t scared, he wasn’t sad, he was just hopeless. I think his spirit has been crushed; and it was better tonight, sure – I could have cried when he asked for that hot chocolate – but I think for the first time ever, Felix has truly given up hope. I … Jinnie is terrified, and so am I to be frank.” 

Minho feels his chest tighten; that tightness spreads across his body until he is clenching his beer in a fist, until his eyes are narrowed slits. 

“He can’t leave,” Minho hisses. “He cannot, he needs us! And he can’t go somewhere just to hide himself all over again!” 

“I know that, Minho,” Chan says raspily. “I know that, but at the end of the day, I can’t take any more decisions away from him–”

“So you’re just going to let him walk?” Minho snaps. 

Chan slams his hands on the table and stands so quickly that the chair nearly topples. Minho forces his shock to remain absent from his face, but Chan’s visible aggression is nonetheless startling. 

“Do you think I want this?” Chan hisses. “Do you think I want to just let him walk away from us? From me ? Fuck, Minho, of course I don’t, but I cannot force him to stay here – I can talk to him, I can try to reason with him, I will beg on my knees if I have to, but at the end of the day, I have tried to force his hand too many times.” 

Not angry, Minho realizes; no, he recognizes the sheen of Chan’s eyes, the just-there tremble of his shoulders, the tightness in his jaw, because he feels them in his own body. Because he saw them in Felix, too. 

Chan is desperately, painfully grieving. 

“I can’t lose him,” Minho says. “None of us can. We don’t work without him – I won’t work without him.” 

It’s raw and terrible and it hurts coming up, but Minho needs Chan to understand. If Felix leaves, so will Minho. 

“Me too,” Chan nods. “Me too.” 

“Then I have work to do,” Minho sinks back into his chair and grabs his bag, pulling out a notebook. 

“What?” Chan asks. Minho harnesses every ounce of ferocity when he looks at Chan. 

“I have to rechoreograph again, for six instead of seven. You’re right, if Felix wants to leave after everything, I can’t stop him. But I’m not letting him be alone, and I’m definitely not going to let him run.” 

---

When Felix wakes up the next morning, no recollection of how he fell asleep, Hyunjin is wrapped around him like a second skin. For a moment, Felix can’t figure out why there’s a weight pressing against his chest, nor why his cheeks and eyes feel itchy with salt. And then it all crashes over him again. 

‘ … he should leave Seoul…’

Felix whimpers and Hyunjin’s arm instinctively tightens even in sleep, pulling Felix closer against him and tucking Felix under his chin. The new tears sting – even his tear ducts are exhausted, it seems – but Felix presses himself against Hyunjin’s chest, lets himself have this. 

Because how much longer will he really get this? How many more times will he wake to spearmint and lavender, to Hyunjin’s arms sheltering him from the promise-slash-threat of future; for how much longer will he be allowed to melt in the perfect heat of love, of safety. 

He burrows deeper beneath the blankets, further into the embrace. Hyunjin mumbles, then hums low and sleepily. Felix listens greedily to sound as it rumbles against his ear. 

“You awake, Angel?” Hyunjin murmurs. Felix barely suppresses a shiver as the depth in Hyunjin’s voice.

“Yeah,” he says. “When did you get into bed?” 

“Not too late,” Hyunjin promises. He shifts until he can look at Felix face to face, and his sleep smile purses in concern. He gently brushes his fingers along Felix’s cheekbones. “You were crying.” 

“Just love you too much,” Felix says in response, because that is the thesis of his grief, just wrapped up more pleasantly. “I’ll miss this.” 

Hyunjin chuckles. “Us cuddling in Wooyoung’s bed?” 

Right, he doesn’t know that Felix overheard him and Chan talking. He hides his face in Hyunjin’s neck again if only to ensure Hyunjin can’t see his flickering frown. “Yeah, it’s nice.” 

“You’re such a weirdo,” Hyunjin says in the exact same tone he says I love you. “I have to tell you something.” 

This is it, Felix thinks. This is when he’s going to tell me that I have to go back. 

“I accidentally told Dai that you’re my boyfriend,” Hyunjin says. 

Felix flinches before he realizes what Hyunjin said – or more importantly what he didn’t say. Then, he laughs. It’s rough sounding this, more of a bark of shock. When he pulls back, Hyunjin is pink, an anxious frown twitching into a smile. “Oh my God, what’d he say?” 

Hyunjin lays back on the pillow. “It was honestly adorable. He asked me if I loved you.” 

“That is adorable.” Felix can picture it, those doe eyes sparkling. “I think Jaesang, the tall one, has a crush on him.” 

“I think it’s reciprocated,” Hyunjin giggles. “Wonder if they’ll spend eight years pining or if they’ll actually do something about their feelings.” 

“We can only hope that they know how to pull their heads out of their asses, we sure didn’t,” Felix says. He brushes his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, dragging his nails across his scalp in a way that makes Hyunjin sigh. 

He keeps pretending. For now, he tells himself. For now. 

“Are you gonna be okay today?” Hyunjin asks quietly. 

“What do you mean?” Felix pauses his ministrations for only a moment, hoping Hyunjin can’t feel the way his fingers are shaking. “When you’re at the award show?” 

Hyunjin rolls onto his side, but when Felix starts to remove his hand, he whines. Felix can’t help but smile and resumes his scratching. “Yeah. I know you want to be there. And I don’t like the idea of you being alone – no one to cuddle if you’re by yourself.” 

The phrasing is so intentional – a clear effort on Hyunjin’s part to clarify that he doesn’t think Felix is incapable of being alone, but rather shouldn’t simply because he’d feel lonely. 

“Wooyoung-hyung is coming back with the others tonight, though,” Felix says. “I won’t really be alone. I’ll just miss you.” 

Hyunjin hums softly. “I really … I really am sorry, Lix. I was scared and I took it out on you; all I did was turn you away.” 

“And I already said I understood,” Felix reminds him. 

“I know. But you deserve to hear it again.”

There’s a soft knock on the door frame – Chan, Felix can see part of his face, though he makes no move to enter; the members have adapted to Felix’s inability to keep a door closed, and he appreciates that they don’t take the opening as an invitation to enter any room. 

“Lix? Jin? You awake?” 

“If I say no, will you go away?” Hyunjin asks, burying his face against Felix’s neck and pulling the duvet over both of their heads. 

“Nice try, bed bugs. C’mon, we need to get ready – you slept in late enough but we’re supposed to head over to the venue in an hour.”

Felix’s heart thuds more quickly. He’s accepted (bitterly) that he’ll be here, alone, for the duration of the afternoon and evening, but it’s not even noon yet, and Wooyoung won’t be back until five at the earliest–

Hyunjin is doing the math as well. The duvet he’d clearly been attempting to use as a shield against the outside world is whipped away as Hyunjin jumps out of bed and pulls open the door. 

“Lix will be home alone for five hours?” Hyunjin asks. Chan opens his mouth to speak, but Hyunjin keeps pressing, his voice drawing Minho and Jisung into the hallway as well. “Chan, you have to let me stay with him, I can’t handle the idea of him being by himself-”

“Jin,” Minho interrupts. Hyunjin turns to him. 

“You know what I mean, right Hyung? It’s not fair to him, it could be risky-”

“Hwang Hyunjin!” Minho snaps. Hyunjin falters. “Chan and I already spoke. I’m going to stay with him.” 

Hyunjin blinks; Felix sits up a little straighter on the bed. “But Hyung, the performance–”

“Wait, can’t I stay instead?” Hyunjin says at the same time. Minho pinches his ear and smiles softly at Felix. 

“The performance will look just as fine with six bodies as it would with seven. Besides, I was recently kidnapped, remember? Trauma is a hell of a thing, you know. If I stay back, it won’t be as weird as if any of the rest of you do.” 

Felix has to fight to keep his confusion off of his face – Chan is smiling reassuringly, Hyunjin is radiating relief (though his puppy-dog eyes clearly indicate he’d rather be the one staying with Felix), and Minho looks as prepared to push back if Felix protests as he does happy to keep him company. 

‘ … he should leave Seoul…’

“Okay, hyung,” Felix says. He sees Minho’s expression flicker with confusion of his own, but he doesn’t question Felix’s hesitated reaction. 

“I’ll make you some breakfast, okay?” 

“I’m not super hungry,” Felix shrugs. Minho raises a brow, which Felix mimics. After a tense stare off, Felix sighs. “Fine, but don’t get mad at me when I can’t finish it.” 

Because how is Felix supposed to stomach food when he’s too busy waiting for Chan to tell him to book a flight back to Australia. And how are Chan and Hyunjin acting so normally right now? He knows they all have a better poker face than he does, no doubts about it, but he would have thought that kicking Felix out of the group would elicit slightly more tension. 

“Alright, Jinnie, get ready.” 

Hyunjin grumbles, something about boyfriend privileges and stupid award shows , but obeys. Felix settles back onto the mattress and pets his wings, as if soothing the anxious, ruffled feathers will quiet the grief in his head. 

Chan tracks the habit and Felix forces a sunny smile across his face. “Go on, Hyung, you need to get ready too.” 

“You saying I don’t look camera ready?” Chan snorts. 

“I’m saying your shirt’s inside out and your hair could use a comb,” Felix quips back. The joke gets Chan to smile more genuinely, leaving only Minho. Minho, who held a sobbing, nonsensical Felix until he cried himself dry. 

“Everything okay?” 

Jumping right into it then. 

“You don’t have to stay back for me, you know,” Felix says instead of answering. 

“I know,” Minho sits on the end of the bed. “If it makes you feel better, it’s an entirely selfish choice.” 

“It’s not selfish, it’s love,” Felix says quickly, an echo of what he’d said to Hyunjin only a couple days earlier. 

“I have work to do anyway,” Minho says. “Some contracts to read, some dance prep to write through-” 

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Felix says. “I honestly just want to sleep.” 

Minho closes his mouth and nods. “You tell me if you need anything, okay?” 

---

The members leave like it physically hurts them, and Felix can’t help but feel like the lingering hugs are goodbyes of their own. Hyunjin’s eyes are misty when he pulls Felix into a bonecrushing hug, then tilts his head up to capture his lips. No one jokes or fake vomits or hoots. It feels like a last kiss, and Felix really needs them to get out so he can cry in private. 

“We’ll be back late,” Chan says, as if he’s talking to the group and not for Felix’s sake. 

“Bring us home a trophy,” Minho jokes hollowly. 

“We’ll try,” Jisung smiles. “We’ll also keep an eye out for the babies.” 

“Thank you,” Felix says. “They’re all still going?”

“I checked the portal five minutes ago,” Seungmin says. “They’re slated to get there an hour before it starts. Be careful if you check it – for a second I thought I was logged out.” 

Felix just nods. Hyunjin doesn’t release Felix from his loose embrace until Chan physically tugs him away, his eyes on Felix’s the whole time. The leader tucks a lock of Felix’s hair behind his hair. “ Take care of yourself, okay? ” 

Why does this feel like goodbye? Felix wonders. 

“Love you guys,” he settles on responding, his gaze lingering on Hyunjin’s. “I love you.” 

Hyunjin bypasses Chan to press a last, fleeting kiss on Felix’s lips. “Love you too, Angel.” 

---

After the members have left, Felix curls onto Wooyoung’s bed, claiming sleepiness, and he’s pretty sure Minho has headed to a room at the end of the hall because he doesn’t hear a peep from the kitchen. 

He tries to sleep, but he’s too keyed up. He can’t stop staring at his phone, alternating between that last text from Chan, Hyunjin’s just trust me from last night, and the email all of the members had been sent with the timeline for the award show. Right now, the members will be getting into makeup. He wonders if they’ll leave Hyunjin more barefaced, more masculine, or if they’ll apply smoky eyeliner and emphasize his heady gaze. 

Just as he’s getting successfully distracted from his worries, a new email hits his inbox. He frowns at the subject line: Fwd: Confirmation Korean Air Flt… 

He opens the email and everything stops. An email, forwarded by the anonymous JYPE Management address, originally sent by Bang Chan. 

Please find attached the plane ticket for Lee Felix, one way from Seoul to Sydney. It’s the best thing to keep the members safe. 

Felix isn’t breathing. He should be breathing, right? But when he presses his fingers to his neck, when he feels the wild explosion of his pulse in his throat, he can’t imagine how air would even be able to flow. He clicks on the attachment, praying for an error, for an April Fools, for anything , but he’d recognize a boarding pass anywhere. A one Lee Felix is due to be on a plane in five hours, as decreed by Bang Chan. 

One way. No return. 

I just want to remind you that I love you. I need you to remember that, if nothing else. 

“It was a goodbye,” Felix chokes. 

A moment later, a text pings on his phone. Another anonymous JYPE staff, confirming that a driver will be arriving in an hour to pick him up. 

He waits for the fight to kick in; waits for the well of anger to open, or the prickle of anxiety to settle in; he waits to feel upset – but all he feels is tepid, defeated confirmation. This is the only option left. Running. Hiding. 

With tears in his eyes, he writes seven letters. Seven goodbyes. 

---

The driver will arrive in fifteen minutes, but Felix needs to leave now; if he doesn’t, he’s going to wrap himself around Minho, break down again, and never let go. He’s going to collect each and every letter he left in the kitchen and tear them to shreds. He’s going to curl up beneath Wooyoung’s bed and never come out.  

Keep the members safe, keep the members safe. He repeats Chan’s words from the email in his head like a mantra as if the words don’t twist the knife further and further; Still, the sentiment keeps him moving instead of hiding. He doesn’t pack a bag, because everything he has is back at a dorm he can’t go to, so he only needs his crossbrody bag – wallet, passport, phone and phone charger, headphones (already looped around his neck), and the Houndswater stone. He leaves his bag by the front door and hovers in front of the closed bedroom door. 

Minho. His Minho-Hyung. It was always the two of them, in some ways: the two members eliminated, the two members who fight their own bodies for control, the two members who cling – albeit in wildly different ways – to whatever form of solid ground they can define. 

Felix knocks. 

“Bbokie? Come in,” Minho calls from inside. Felix gently opens the door. Minho is reclined in bed, but the notebook he reserves for dance notes is open on his lap. Minho’s eyes narrow at Felix’s outfit – no longer pajamas, but joggers and a hoodie. “Are you going somewhere?” 

“No, Hyung,” Felix lies. “Just wanted to get out of loungewear.” 

Minho knows he’s lying. Felix can see it in the purse of his lips, the feline shift of his eyes. But Felix also knows that Minho won’t push right now, not after the argument. 

“Are you okay?” Minho asks. 

“Yeah,” Felix says. “I just love you. You know that, right?” 

“Bbokie?” Minho sits up a little straighter. “You’re scaring me.” 

“I do that a lot, Hyung,” Felix airs the truth with a small smile. “I’m gonna play some games, okay?” 

“Bbokie,” Minho says. “Yongbok-ah.” 

“I’m okay,” Felix promises. 

He doesn’t wait for Minho to say anything else; he just closes the bedroom door and leaves the apartment as silently as he can. He’s biting back tears when he walks, head bowed, out of the side door and directly into a body. 

“Felix?” 

Felix nearly trips again at the sound of Wooyoung’s voice.

Wooyoung stands on the sidewalk with an expression like he’s been kicked in the gut. 

“What are you doing here?” Felix asks. It’s way too early. 

“I got an early flight back when I heard about Yeong-su,” Wooyoung explains. “Plus, we have to be at the Award show, it’s the biggest event of the year,” Wooyoung sighs. 

The biggest event of the year. That phrasing is familiar, but Felix doesn’t have the energy to figure out why. 

“We’ll get there on time, but only just. What are you…”  

Whatever Wooyoung was about to say fades away when his eyes lock on Felix’s passport. 

“You’re leaving?” Wooyoung whispers. The tears build yet again. “Bbokie, why ?”

And all at once, Felix sobs, hands at his side, feeling very much like a child. Wooyoung immediately pulls him into a hug.

“Chan bought me a ticket,” Felix sobs. “I … I overheard him and Hyunjinnie talking, and they were saying that I need to leave. They’re right, everyone was – but I thought they’d at least tell me, not just ship me off-” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-” Wooyoung cuts him off, pulling back only to cup Felix’s face in his palms. “What do you mean sending you away?” 

“I got an email, it’s a plane ticket back to Australia,” Felix blubbers. “Chan bought it – it said so on the order confirmation.” 

“Felix, there must be a mistake,” Wooyoung shakes his head so hard that he, in turn, jerks Felix’s head. “Chan would never send you away-”

“He did , Hyung!” Felix sobs. 

A large black van pulls up at the curb, a driver immediately emerging with a boilerplate JYPE nametag; Another employee, presumably a manager, waits in the passenger seat. Felix nods at the driver, then looks back at Wooyoung-

Wooyoung’s lip trembles. “Please, Felix, just stay.” 

Felix gently moves Wooyoung’s hands away from his face and weaves their fingers together. He squeezes them just before Wooyoung’s own tears begin to fall. “Thank you for everything, Hyung-” 

“Don’t do that, Felix,” Wooyoung pleads. “Don’t you dare say goodbye-”

“I’ll see you again, I’m sure,” Felix promises. “I just … thank you. I’ll never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done. But please … I need you to watch out for them, however you can? I know it’s unfair to ask more of you-”

“This isn’t far to you !” Wooyoung insists. 

Felix takes a shuddering breath. “Please, Hyung. Please don’t make this harder.”  

He tugs his hands out of Wooyoung’s grip and smiles as he slides into the van. It pulls away from the curb slowly, and Felix lets the tears fall – it’s not like he has a reputation with JYPE to retain after this. Seoul traffic captures them instantly, but Felix is too anxious to look at his phone. Too scared he’ll see a text from one of the members apologizing for sending him back to Australia, too scared to face his pain written out. 

“You mind if I take a call?” The maybe-manager in the passenger seat asks. 

“Go ahead,” Felix grunts. He tries to focus on using the manager’s monosyllabic responses to whoever’s on the other end of his phone call lull him into a dissociated state, but as the car inches past cafes and restaurants and convenience stores he’s visited with each and every member, he finds it difficult to think past the pain. 

He’s so focused on being unfocused that he almost doesn’t see the body that jumps in front of the car. The driver slams on the brakes and the manager yelps just as Minho slaps his hands onto the hood of the car. Felix gasps, and as if Minho can sense him within the vehicle, his hyung runs around and rips open the car door. The handle remained locked for a moment, and the driver seems frantic, but Felix unlocks it immediately. Minho all but throws himself inside. 

“Who are you?” the driver says. 

“It’s fine,” Felix assures. “He’s also with the company.” 

“It was just supposed to be you,” the driver says cautiously. 

“And now you get me too? Aren’t you lucky,” Minho says dismissively.

“It’s fine,” the manager nods, tilting the phone away from his face. “Hi, Minho-ssi.” 

Minho nods distractedly in the anonymous manager’s direction, but his eyes remain locked on Felix. “You’re leaving. Why are you leaving?” 

Felix’s jaw drops. “You don’t know?” Minho shakes his head. “Hyung, Chan-hyung bought me a plane ticket back to Sydney. I got the email about it an hour ago.” 

Minho’s eyes fill with tears. “I knew you were saying goodbye. When you knocked, I knew something was wrong.” 

“I … Hyung, I don’t understand,” Felix shakes his head, confused. 

Minho clasps Felix’s hand between his own so tightly that Felix feels the joints pop. “Felix, I don’t know what you think, but I spoke with Chan last night. He and Hyunjin were worried you were going to leave, and after you cried to me, I was too. Part of the reason I stayed was because we wanted to make sure you wouldn’t run away.” 

Felix shakes his head again. “No, that doesn’t make sense. I got the email, it was from Chan’s account-” 

“Maybe so, but Chan didn’t send that ,” Minho says emphatically. “Felix, I know you feel like the world is crashing down on you, but think about what you’re saying – Chan would never ask you to leave. And if he lost his mind and decided he did – do you really think he would send you alone? If he wanted you out of Seoul, he’d go with you come hell or highwater.” 

And Felix considers it under Minho’s insistent gaze. He reframes what has happened through a different lens, a lens before wings. He was paranoid about being kicked out, but not by the members, not by Chan. 

His wings prickle beneath their bindings, beneath his hoodie. 

“You’re right,” Felix says. “This doesn’t make sense. 

Felix feels his wings prickle more insistently. When he looks up, the driver is staring directly at him in the rearview mirror. 

“But the email…” Felix whispers, thinking aloud. 

Several things click at once.

“Hyung, Seungminnie said the … the drive wasn’t working right, ” Felix barely breathes. 

The thumb drive – the thumb drive identical to the one Felix forgot, in his panic, in Jung’s office – to the web portal. The web portal that would give someone not only access but manipulation to their schedules, their emails, the emails of staff. 

The web portal that would allow someone to manipulate a fake pick up, with a driver and a manager who might not work for JYPE, but for a different organization altogether. 

The web portal that could send an email under the guise of Chan’s leadership, forward the email to Felix with the exact verbiage that would ultimately break him. It’s the best thing to keep the members safe.

“Hyung,” Felix whispers. Minho stares at him in horror. “Hyung, we need to get out of the car.” 

He’s staring at Minho like his hyung will be able to wrap him in a hug and teleport them. 

It means that he doesn’t see the gun, only hears the safety click; only watches Minho’s eyes flash wide in fear. 

Trembling, Felix turns forward. The manager is turned in his seat with a handgun aimed, not at Felix, but at Minho. Felix starts to move, to put an arm in front of him, but the manager clicks his tongue. 

“I don’t think so,” he says with a growl. “Typical Angel – can’t even get you alone for more than a second. That’s okay, your little friend can come too. Might help us to keep you in line.” 

“We’re not going to the airport, are we,” Felix whispers. The fake manager, the Bureau Agent (and Felix is sure of it) grins simperingly. 

“Jung will be so happy to see you.” 

 

Notes:

all of u last time I uploaded a cliffhanger:
୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭
me uploading this cliffhanger:
(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

HOPEFULLY back on Thursday but we're officially in drama action fighting mode !!! so get ready !!! to panic !!!

(in all actuality sorry this chapter wasn't super happy plz stay with this fic we will get to happy I swear!)

Chapter 24: i just want to rise up stronger

Summary:

Time is running out – for Felix and the other Angels alike.

Notes:

omg hi it's me, the author who repeatedly chucks your flailing bodies over the side of cliffs!

first of all -- 28k hits???? 1000 kudos??? I'm crying and screaming and just in endless awe of of all you <3

no cliffhanger in this one, but also it's kind of a 'part 1' of the climax ! but I don't think you'll all hate me at the end of it?? maybe??

A LOT happens in this chapter, I apologize if it feels rushed, but I also hope u like it!

Felix hasn’t seen a gun up close before. He saw the Hunters and the Bureau Agents with their weapons, of course, but it was through blood-stained bangs and an overwhelming panic. 

Now, his fear is acute, and alongside it, his perception sharpened. Minho is barely breathing, his eyes flickering between the gun and Felix. 

“Don’t hurt him,” Felix says uselessly. Sure enough, the Agent snorts. 

“I don’t think that’s up to you, is it?” 

“He didn’t do anything,” Felix says. “I’m the one you want, right?” 

“Lix,” Minho hisses. And then to the manager. “Don’t listen to him, he doesn't know what he’s talking about.”

“Where are you taking us?” Felix tries a different approach, even though his heart is beating like mad in his chest. He feels the nerves of his wings sear, the heat building at the center of his back.  

“You’re both irritatingly inquisitive,” the Agent rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry, little Angel, you’d have gone there whether you liked it or not.” 

“Him and every other Angel in Seoul,” the driver is clearly going for an under-his-breath aside, but it’s not quiet enough. Felix stiffens, and the Agent snarls at the driver. Oh God, oh God – he recognizes that phrasing, that verbiage. 

The Sanctus Bell. 

Felix takes a deep, slow breath. Minho is trying very hard to look menacing, to look like he’s not terrified, but Felix can see the whites of his eyes and that barely-there shivering of his hands. He turns to his Hyung, more aware of the gun than he’s been of anything before. 

“Do you trust me?” He asks Minho. 

“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, just remember who has the gun pointed at your little friend,” the agent hisses. “You’re weak, right? That’s the rumor going around, tried to starve yourself of your magic?-”

Minho drags his gaze away from the gun and back to Felix. He seems to study him for a moment, searching for something, maybe for proof that what Felix is planning on doing isn’t sacrificial bullshit. Whatever he’s looking for, he finds it. 

“Always,” he says. 

“I mean it, you brats, don’t-” 

But the agent's words die as Felix shifts his focus from Minho’s determined nod to his wings. 

Time stops, just like he knew it would – the car's momentum (or sudden lack there of) nearly catapulting him forward. He catches himself before he can topple into the front seat, then immediately drops off his sweatshirt and unclasps his bandages from where they’re wrapped below his tanktop. At the last second, he tears the gun away from the agent’s hand and shoves it deep under the seat mat beneath his feet. 

His wings swish through the slits in the fabric just as he opens the door, wraps an arm around Minho’s torso, and flies them off of the busy highway. Minho’s body is easier to manipulate given he was tense when time froze. He lands before time can resume, drags Minho’s still-frozen body into a side alley, and exhales as all the sound and movement crashes back to present. 

“What- what-” Minho pants, one hand pressed on his chest, the other in his hair, and he looks around frantically. “What the - How did we-” 

“Slowed down time,” Felix explains, slightly breathless. “We were in danger.” 

“What?” Minho asks again. “I don’t-” 

“Hyung, I know what they’re planning,” Felix interrupts. Something is coming over him – puzzle piece after puzzle piece has clicked together between each and every moment of betrayal, and finally, Felix sees something close to a big picture. “They’re going to use the bell at the award show. I didn’t realize it, or I didn’t put it together – but Yeong-su said something about this being bigger than me, this being the biggest event of the year. And then Wooyoung said it too! We’ve all talked about how big the award show is, and somehow I never put it together until the agent and driver said it themselves: what better place to force Angels out of hiding than at an event where they’ll all be there.” 

“Oh my God,” Minho breathes. “Fuck, they were gonna bring you there. That’s gotta be why they framed the email from Chan and the plane ticket. But that means … Oh God, all the groups, the models, actors. How many Angels do you think are there?” 

Felix takes a shuddering inhale and squeezes his eyes shut, forcing his instincts to remain sharp without flaring out of his control. 

“You could use the locket,” Minho says. “That way the others would know to get us.” 

Felix doesn’t answer, and he doesn’t move. He takes a deep breath before he speaks. “Hyung, I know you don’t want to hear me say this-” 

“You wanna go stop them,” Minho cuts him off. He doesn’t look disappointed, not surprised. Felix can’t figure out what that expression is. “You want to go to the award show, right?” 

“I have to,” Felix says. Minho sighs, straightens. 

“I’m coming with you,” he says firmly. “If you think I’m going to go back to the dorms while you and our members fight this alone, you’re crazy.” 

And Felix can’t quite bring himself to protest; not when the idea of having someone by his side is so appealing. 

“Okay,” Felix nods. “Then we need to go now. Before they find us.” 

Minho straightens up and nods, already halfway to stripping off his hoodie. “Then you need to hide your wings – how are we going to get a car, is the question-”

“Oh, Hyung,” Felix grimaces. “We’re not taking a car.” 

Minho’s eyes narrow. “What does that mean?” 

“Well, how’s your fear of heights doing these days?” 

---

Chan feels Minho and Felix’s absence like a physical hole in his chest, and he knows he is not the only one. They’re off kilter, askew, adrift. More than once (more than ten times, really), an assistant has to redirect Chan to redirect his Kids. He’s dimly aware that Hyunjin, now the lone member of Danceracha, is trying as best he can to assess how their choreography will work on six instead of eight, but his heart’s not in it; no, he left his heart back in a dorm building, hopefully cozily cuddled up on a couch with food and a comfort show. 

The phone call comes as they’re waiting for makeup. Chan frowns in confusion at the contact but slides his finger to answer nonetheless. 

It is to a garble of nonsensical, too-fast yelling. 

“Wooyoung?” He presses the phone closer against his ear and moves towards the other end of the green room where it’s a little quieter. “Slow down, I can barely hear you as it is-” 

“-the fuck were you thinking, sending Felix back to Australia?” Wooyoung yells through the phone. 

Chan drops it. Scrambles as it slides across the tile. Puts it back to ear as the other members notice and as Hyunjin jogs over. 

“-because I know you’d better have some kind of explanation-” 

“Woo, what the fuck are you talking about?” Chan interrupts gruffly. 

“Felix left, hyung,” Wooyoung says. 

Chan sinks to the ground. No, no, no – this was exactly why Minho stayed with him; this was exactly what they were all scared of. 

“Why?” Chan says – less to Wooyoung and more to the universe. 

“He got an email from your JYPE address with a ticket back to Australia. One way.” 

“What’s going on?” Hyunjin crouches next to Chan. Chan squeezes his hand but doesn’t answer. 

“What do you mean? Of course I didn’t! Wooyoung, get Minho on the phone-” 

“Minho?” Wooyoung asks. “He’s … he’s not at the apartment. Nobody is, just me.” 

Chan squeezes his eyes shut. “Fuck.” 

“You really never sent him the ticket?” Wooyoung’s anger bleeds away into a tinny, shattered whisper. 

“I never would,” Chan says. 

“Fuck,” Wooyoung hisses. “Okay, I’m heading to the award show. If you find out anything, text me. At this point, anonymity is out the window. We just need to find them, because last I saw, Felix was climbing into a car to head to the airport.” 

Chan hangs up the phone and gives himself ten seconds to panic. Ten seconds during which he mentally screams, cries, punches walls, the whole gamut. When he opens his eyes, it’s to Hyunjin’s horrified face. 

“What happened?” 

Chan does not want to have to deliver this news. Not after Hyunjin’s tearful confessions of fear the night before, not after Felix’s abduction – not ever again. But he has to. 

“Someone sent Lix an email making it look like I was kicking him out of Stray Kids with a plane ticket attached back to Sydney. A car came and picked him up.” 

Hyunjin blinks. He stares, a little blankly, as if he’s waiting to wake up from a bad dream. Chan doesn’t blame him. He, too, is waiting for this all to be a joke. 

“He’s gone?” Hyunjin finally whispers.

“He and Minho aren’t in the apartment-” 

“What?” Jisung overhears, and Chan deeply regrets not whispering. Hyunjin hangs his head, and in the basic black tanktop, every muscle in his body is visibly tense. 

“Minho-hyung’s with him?” Jisung takes a shaky step forward. He looks like he might faint. 

“Wooyoung just said he wasn’t in the apartment,” Chan says. “I don’t - Sung, I don’t know if that means he’s with Felix, or-” 

“I have his location,” Jisung scrambles for his own phone. Then frowns. “It … this can’t be right, I’m restarting it-” 

“Jinnie, you should check your tracker app to find Felix too,” Seungmin prods Hyunjin, his voice softer than it might be otherwise. Hyunjin, though, doesn't seem to hear. His eyes are glassy, unfocused, staring nowhere and anywhere. “Hyunjin,” Seungmin repeats a little more forcefully, and the man in question jolts. “We need the tracker to find him, right? Can you pull it up?” 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin nods, shakes himself a little, and pulls out the phone. Chan holds his breath as the tracking app loads, the service spotty, and then Hyunjin’s breath hitches. Jisung’s eyes widen. 

“That’s what I was seeing too,” he cocks his head. “They’re not at the dorm, but-” 

“What?” Chan asks. 

“They’re not at the dorm,” Hyunjin says. “But they’re moving. Really fast.” 

“What road?” Changbin pushes forward, leaning over the phone. 

“Where does it seem like they’re going?” Chan balls his hands into fists. Hyunjin blinks several times. 

“I think they’re coming here,” he finally says. He looks at all of them, his gaze lingering on Jisung. “And I think they’re flying.” 

---

Minho is going to throw up to 10,000 feet in the air, and he doesn’t give a single shit. 

“Are you okay?” Felix yells again. He’s asked every thirty seconds, his voice barely audible above the rushing wind, and every single time, Minho has responded the same way as he does now. 

“FUCK NO!” He screams it against Felix’s shoulder. “FUCK THIS, FUCK THIS, FUCK THIS-” 

“Do you want me to put you down?” Felix yells (the same response to Minho’s response). 

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!” 

When Felix had offered to fly them away to avoid being caught, Minho had told himself to be brave. Be brave for his little dongsaeng who, despite knowing what could happen if he were to be caught, was still planning on flying headfirst into a potentially-dangerous situation to help people. He hadn’t expected how visceral his fear would be when he looped his arms around Felix’s neck (my instincts make me stronger, Hyung, I won’t drop you so just hold on tight), seen Felix’s wings extend to the side, and then felt the ground disappear beneath his feet in a tidal gust of air. 

He looked once. They’d just crested above the sky line, accelerating and ascending at equally rapid speeds, and Minho had clung to Felix like a koala. 

He has no clue why Felix likes flying – it’s nothing like an airplane; he feels every shift of wind, every pocket of air, every turn and lift and drop. Humans are not meant to leave the earth, Minho decides then and there. 

“We’re landing on the roof!” Felix yells. “Keep holding on, I don’t want to drop you once we touch down.” 

Minho thinks he won’t be able to let go of Felix for at least fifteen minutes, but he suspects that opening his mouth will only result in him vomiting on Felix’s tanktop. He whimpers when they start to descend, steeper and more quickly than Minho would prefer, then gasps when Felix suddenly flaps his wings forward to slow them down. They land with a merciful abatement of the wind and a lack of wobbling movement, but Minho remains wrapped around Felix. 

“Hyung,” Felix gently pokes him in the shoulder. “We landed. You can let go.” 

Minho gently unfurls a leg and pokes down with his toe until he feels solid ground. He exhales shakily and collapses against Felix, who catches him with soft “Oh, shit.” 

“Sorry,” Minho pants. “Just need a second.” 

“That’s fine,” Felix assures him. 

He looks happy – at least happy for someone who is walking into a potential den of the very people who want him dead or captive. Maybe it’s because he realized the members didn’t actually want him to leave; maybe it’s the joy he always seems to glitter with post-flight. Maybe it’s his natural instincts ready to help, eager to please, despite the risk to his well being. 

Minho doesn’t particularly care. It’s just nice to see him smile again. 

“Ready to walk?” Felix asks, hand extended. Minho lets Felix pull him to his feet. “There should be some way to get in from the roof.” 

They’re still too close to the roof’s edge for Minho’s comfort, so he leads them further to the center, towards a taller stack of ventilation ducts and what seems to be elaborate rows of power boxes. 

“I bet that’s it!” Felix points at a hatch in the ground. They rush over towards the hatch, but before they can get within a meter of it, Minho feels burning, eclectic hot pain shudder through his body. 

He’s helpless, entirely unable to do anything but crack to his knees as the pain courses through his body, contorting his limbs. 

“Hyung!” Felix gasps. Minho watches him drop to the ground, watches a man in black appear over Felix’s shoulder holding what he has to assume is a taser gun, its nodes currently assaulting Minho’s ability to thinking anything except pain pain pain. He’s entirely unable to warn Felix – unable to do anything but spasm in a silent scream. 

The pain is gone as quickly as it came, and with the relief is a boneless debilitation that leaves Minho heaving against the gravel roof. Felix gently pushes his hair back, small fingers stroking his cheek, though the actions jolt when the man speaks. 

“We thought you were running, but here you are.” His voice is icy but muffled behind a face mask. “Like a suicidal moth to a flame, aren’t you?” 

Minho forces his eyes to open as a semicircle of agents enclose upon them, behind Felix. Felix doesn’t turn, just hangs his head, and the action causes Hyunjin’s locket to slip over the front of his tanktop, centimeters away from Minho’s still-twitching hand. Minho looks into Felix’s eyes, and his Dongsaeng nods just barely. 

Minho musters all the strength he can, opens the locket, and presses the button before. 

“Remeber, they think you’re still weak,” Minho whispers. Felix blinks as if in confirmation, and a single tear escapes. “Keep it that way.” 

Minho closes the locket just as the agents grab Felix by the arms and drag him upright.  

---

Jisung is utterly despondent – at least in the moments between blubbering bouts of tears. Changbin has him tucked tight against his side, looking equal measures of concerned and miserable. 

Hyunjin doesn’t cry. He can’t find it in him to think past white-hot fury currently coursing through his veins. Partially, he’s mad at himself – he shouldn’t have left Felix, not when he was so obviously not himself yesterday – but more so he’s mad at the Bureau, at Jung. How could anyone meet Lee Felix and wish him anything other than sunshines and rainbows for the rest of his life? 

He reloads the tracking app again and again, sits up a little straighter. 

“They’re here at the venue,” he says. Chan immediately moves next to him and stares at the map. At the same time, they both look towards the dressing room door, as if both members will appear unharmed and unaffected. 

“Why would they come here?” Hyunjin murmurs to himself. If they draw the conclusion based on the facts, sprinkled with a bit of the worst case scenario, he can only assume that the Bureau sent Felix the plane ticket to get him away from the others and into a car. Minho wouldn’t have let him go alone, no matter how much someone protested; if they flew here, then the situation was dire. 

“I’m gonna look for them,” Hyunjin says, rising. He waits for Chan to push back, or for Jeongin to snap about dangerous choices, but to his surprise, all of the members – even teary-eyed Jisung – nod in agreement. 

“If they’re here, then Felix needs us,” Seungmin nods. 

“We should split up,” Jeongin says firmly. “In groups of two, at least. This place is huge, and more people are arriving by the minute.” 

“I’ll go with Sungie,” Changbin says immediately. 

“Innie?” Chan looks at the Jeongin, because of course he would want to protect maknae. 

Hyunjin finds Seungmin already staring at him. There’s something steely in his gaze, something Hyunjin recognizes from just before Felix matured; something a little dangerous. 

“Let’s get him back,” Seungmin says. Hyunjin smiles. It feels sharp. 

In the end, Changbin and Jisung agree to search the backstage area of the arena – the rooms where idols, soloists, actors, and models are currently getting made up and outfitted. Chan and Jeongin will scope backstage and the arena itself. 

Hyunjin and Seungmin will search all of the areas that people aren’t supposed to go – storage rooms, sound booths, stairwells, the like. If Minho and Felix are hiding, there’s a good chance they’ll avoid populated areas. 

“Are you okay?” Seungmin asks as they exit yet another empty storage room. 

“No,” Hyunjin says gruffly. “Are you?” 

Seungmin laughs. “Nope.” 

Room after room, hall after hall, and not once does Hyunjin spy bleach blonde hair or freckles. Nor does he see anyone with Minho’s perfect posture, his dancer’s gait. 

“We should check upstairs,” Hyunjin says. “That’s where they keep all of the electrical stuff, right?” 

“We just need to find a stairwell that’ll get us there,” Seungmin agrees. They head back down the empty hall they’d started down, back towards the stairs they’d seen before. But before Hyunjin can push open the door, he hears fast footsteps behind him. 

“Hyunjin!” 

He turns, hope dying in his chest when he realizes the voice belongs to neither Felix mor Minho; that dying hope quickly transforms into anger. 

Yeong-su runs like a man deranged – his shoes are barely tied, his jacket is slipping off of his shoulders, and his face is pale in a way that seems concerning, even by Korean beauty standards. Hyunjin straightens to his full height despite the fact that Yeong-su has to have a few centimeters on him. 

And then he’s moving before Seungmin can hold him back, before Yeong-su registers the fury in Hyunjin’s eyes and slows his run; but not before Hyunjin has the collar of his jacket locked in his fists and pushes him hard against the wall. Now that he knows Yeong-su doesn’t have wings, he doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt. 

“You’ve got some fucking nerve-” Hyunjin practically spits, “-showing up after everything. Where the fuck is Felix?” 

“I don’t know yet!” Yeong-su’s voice is thin and choked off. Hyunjin presses his fists in with even more aggression. “I swear! Please, I wasn’t supposed to know they were taking him here!” 

“What the fuck does that even mean-”

“Jesus, Jin, let him go!” Seungmin tears Hyunjin away from Yeong-su, who exhales in relief and rubs at the skin of his collarbones. “What do you mean, you weren’t supposed to know?” 

“I stole a walkie. I heard that they sent someone to get him, someone pretending to be from your company. I knew they’d bring him here, so I ran as soon as I heard.” 

“Why, so you could fuck with head some more?” Hyunjin snaps. Guilt flashes across Yeong-su’s face in a blatant show of emotions – it’s so similar to how Felix processes feelings that it’s almost dizzying. 

“No, because if he’s here, then he needs help, and if he’s not here, then we need to be prepared to help him.” 

Hyunjin forces himself to just breathe. Yeong-su looks desperate – and Hyunjin realizes that a part of what made him distrustful of the other angel was his guardedness. True, he’s only met two, soon-to-be-newly-matured three, Angels so far, but each and every one has radiated emotion. Not Yeong-su, though. He’d looked at Felix and the members like he was watching them through a foggy window.

“Why would you want to help?” he says slowly, though tension makes his voice waver. “You’re with the Bureau, right? Why would you help Felix?” 

“Because he doesn’t deserve this,” Yeong-su says. “I meant it when I told him that everything I’d said was me trying the best I physically could to keep him safe.” 

The phrasing is weird. Seungmin feels it too, Hyunjin can tell, because his head tilts to the side almost imperceptibly. 

“And … I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said about the other Angels that were probably in danger. The second I found out what the Bureau’s plan was, I knew I owed it to them.” 

“The plan?” Seungmin swallows audibly. Yeong-su looks down at the floor, speaks as if he’s rehearsed this. 

“The Sanctus Bell is here somewhere,” Yeong-su says. “They intend to use it to find out who the angels are, to draw them out of hiding; they’ll wait, of course, to take them – they can’t just kidnap dozens of people from a public event swarming with media – but they will get them.”

And Hyunjin slouches with a garbled laugh. 

“That’s why Lix is here,” he tells Seungmin. “He’s coming to stop them. I’d bet you all the money in my bank account.”

“So you’re here to stop Lix?” Seungmin asks. Yeong-su shakes his head. 

“No, I’m here to stop them and help Felix,” he insists. 

Seungmin purses his hips; assesses Yeong-su in the way he assesses every situation – logically, thoughtfully, and thoroughly. Yeong-su stares back, letting Seungmin search for dishonesty. 

And then Seungmin nods. “Okay. How?”  

Yeong-su pulls a small cross body bag from beneath his jacket, opens it, and Hyunjin takes a step back at the sudden light emanating from within. He has to blink several times before he realizes what he’s looking at. A bag of Houndswater stones. Dozens of them. 

Dimly, he feels nauseous at the implications. How many Angels were tortured to fill this bag?  

“The Bureau may claim they’re better than the Hunters, but they’ve been raiding them for their tools for as long as I can remember and making tools of their own. I stole these on the way here,” Yeong-su says. “I know finding Felix is your priority. But if you have people to spare, anyone at all, I figured we could use them to try to detect potential Angels, try to get them somewhere safe, somewhere not in front of the Bureau, in case the Sanctus Bell rings.”

Hyunjin picks up one of the stones. It glimmers between his fingers. 

“We don’t have to tell them why they need to leave, just convince them it’s imperative,” Yeong-su adds. 

“Like I did with D-the trainee,” Hyunjin murmurs to Seungmin. “We didn’t give him any answers, but we gave him enough information to trust that we knew what we were talking about.”

Seungmin nods. “That could work. But the bell is huge, right? Lix says it’ll attract every angel in Seoul-” 

“Maybe more,” Yeong-su squeaks. “But the Bureau is here, not anywhere else in Seoul. They’ve let the Hunters take their scraps for too long, and from what I can tell, they’re sick of it. They’re not going to take the Angels today – they’re going to watch and wait at every entrance, throughout the building, anywhere and once they see who reacts to the bell, they’re going to remember those names. I give it a week before they’re gone.” 

“Why wouldn’t they just storm the show and get them now?” Seungmin asks darkly. Yeong-su snorts. 

“And let the media find out that there’s a secret organization kidnapping people? Being an Angel means secrecy for the protection from the Hunters and Bureau alike, but being in the Bureau requires secrecy from everyone. I mean, you know their MO now: infiltrate, collect information, manipulate, and then…” 

Yeong-su snaps his fingers. 

“And kidnap,” Hyunjin interpress. 

They all freeze at the tinny, muffled beeping. Hyunjin gasps and pulls out his phone. 

“Shit,” he barely breathes. 

“What?” Seungmin looks ashen, terrified. 

Hyunjin flips his phone around. “It’s the app that’s connected to the locket. It lets Felix send me an alert that he needs help. Fuck, if he pressed it, something happened.” 

Hyunjin is horrified when he feels tears prick the corners of his eyes. Before he can pivot, before he can think of a game plan, there’s a static crackle from beneath the sack of Houndswater stones. Yeong-su nearly sends several flying in his haste to retrieve a walkie talkie lying at the bottom of the bag. He holds it between the three of them and they wait with bated breath- 

“-caught landing on the roof, but we’ve captured him and the stray he brought.”

The voice was muffled and seemingly unfamiliar. 

The voice that answered, however, was not. 

“Bring him down to the Front of House. And the stray.”

“Minho is with him,” Seungmin gasps. 

“Text Ji,” Hyunjin insists. “Tell him Minho’s okay, but that the agents have them both.” 

Jung continues. “He’ll be much more amenable if we have leverage. The tall, pretty one?” 

“No, the older dancer.” 

“Shame, he and the tall one are close, he’d be even more malleable, I’m sure. Still, he and the dancer have a bond.”

Jung says the word like it tastes bad on his tongue. 

“Front of House?” Seungmin echoes when the communication goes dead. 

“It’s the sound booth; and the lights,” Yeong-su says. “It’ll be high up, as high as you can go by stairs.” 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, then nods.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. Minnie, you are going to get the members and tell them about the plan to help any other Angels. Text Wooyoung, ATEEZ can help too-”

Seungmin’s eyes wide and Hyunjin slaps his hand over his mouth, turning to Yeong-su with horror. Yeong-su just smiles bitterly. 

“You knew about him?” Seungmin asks. Yeong-su nods. 

“I do, the Bureau doesn’t,” he says. “He has no wings and no maturation to go through, so the likelihood of them noticing him independently was slim. It’s not like I want them to be taken, you know?”

“That’s … that’s good of you,” Hyunjin finds himself saying. “Without Wooyoung, Felix wouldn’t be here. He and the others will help if we ask.”

“Where are you gonna go?” Seungmin furrows his brows. Hyunjin straightens up. 

“I’m gonna get Lix,” he says, and the words feel right. Seungmin clearly disagrees, but it’s Yeong-su who cuts in. 

“I’m going with you,” he says; he sounds stronger than he has at any other point. “It’s time I undo even one wrong decision I’ve made.” His jaw tightens, and something like vengeance sparkles in his eyes. “Plus, I’ve got a bone to pick with their leader." 

I trust him, Felix had said. 

And I trust you, Hyunjin had responded. 

A lot of things may have changed over the course of two months, but his belief in Felix? That was never going away. Hyunjin straightens, levels Yeong-su with a stare he hopes is more encouraging than it is furious. 

“Let’s go then. I want my boyfriend back.” 

---

Felix is focused on two things and two things only: 

One, the taser pressed threateningly against Minho’s side. 

Two, the fact that no one has made any move to bind, clamp, or otherwise hurt his wings. 

They think I’m still weakened, he reminds himself. Jung’s dieting, his constant pushing, his faux concern – it never had anything to do with performances or fittings, but everything to do with whether or not Felix would be able to fight back. 

“Move it,” an agent shoves Felix a little harder, ripping him out of his thoughts.  

They’re dragged inside via a rooftop hatch and down a metal ladder. Felix is sent down first with strict instructions to not try anything stupid, or they’ll happily throw Minho down rather than letting him climb. As it is, Minho is shaky – the taser they’d used on him leaving him shivery and weak – and his fall to the gravel ground is memorialized in scratches across his face, arms, and legs. It takes a long time to scale the ladder with the cuffs – and unlike the cuffs the hunters had used, these are metal and tight. He watches Minho climb down anxiously. One of the Agents prods him roughly with the taser when he hesitates for the upteenth time. 

“Don’t hurt him!” Felix pulls against his cuffs, against the grip of the Agents' hands on each of his biceps. “He’s scared of heights!” 

“Heights are the least of his worries,” an Agent growls in his ear. “Besides, not like you can do anything to help him, right?”

Felix mentally reaches for his wings. He’s tired; the wings are tired. 

And Minho told him to wait.  

Minho is eventually half-dragged down the rest of the ladder, but he pretends not to be scared out of his mind when he’s shoved next to Felix. 

“Bags,” the agent says. “Bags, and empty your pockets. No sudden movements – I might not be able to touch those filthy feathers of yours, but Jung gave no specific instructions to leave any other parts of you intact.” 

Felix struggles to unclasp his crossbody from how hard his fingers are trembling. Beside him, Minho makes slow, obvious movements in emptying his pockets of his phone and wallet.

They end up moving through what Felix can only surmise is a series of maintenance hallways. There’s not a single other person in the dimly-lit halls. He can’t tell if he’s imagining the distant sound of people from within the venue, or if it’s just their proximity to the roof, the electric hum of wiring. 

They approach a door that is sturdy, heavy wood; soundproof, if Felix had to guess, based on its similarity to the recording booth doors at the company. The Agent beside him who has his bicep in a vice grip knocks once on the door. It flies open. 

They’re in some kind of sound and lights room; one wall is just glass, looking out and down into the venue at a height that would be dizzying had Felix not just flown higher than the Lotte World Tower. There’s a pile of tarp towards one side of the room, clearly covering something, and an ominous looking metal crate storing God knows what. 

And in the very center, looking exactly how Felix remembered him, is Jung. 

He grins. 

“Yongbok,” he nods, and his gaze shifts sideways. “And Minho. I should have known one of you would weasel your way into that van with him. I’m surprised it wasn’t all of you in there together, a fucking clown car would be suitable for the eight of you.” 

Minho doesn’t respond, but the metallic click of his handcuffs tells Felix that he’s tense and straining. 

Jung sighs, as if bored, and nods at the agents behind them. “Bring them in and lock them up.” 

Felix starts to pull at the cuffs, but the sight of the taser makes him go still. He and Minho are half-shoved, half-dragged – cuffs first – to the side of the room next to the metal crate; for a split second, their cuffs are unlocked, but a moment later, their arms are wrenched above their heads, handcuffed to a pipe running the length of the wall. The position is achingly familiar to his hours spent in the Hunter’s van. 

Minho doesn’t whimper or wince, but his pained inhalation might as well be a scream for all Felix is concerned. He can’t stop himself from looking in concern, but Minho still manages to shoot him a soft, assuring smile. 

“I’d say I’m surprised you came, but it’s actually quite predictable,” Jung says. He wanders towards the wall of windows, his eyes scanning the still-empty seats which all lead down to the stage. Jung presses one of the buttons on the control panel, and the side spots glow shimmery gold. “If anything, it’s more surprising that the members left the two of you behind.”

“Why do you want me here?” Felix snarls. 

“Ah, ah, ah, watch your tone, Yongbok,” Jung pivots in a slow turn, his smile mocking. “You wouldn’t want me to hurt your hyung, would you?” 

“Don’t listen to him, Bbokie,” Minho hisses. 

Jung drags his glare to Minho like the action causes him physical pain, then back to Felix. “As to your question,” he drawls, “I’m not going to kill you. If that’s what you were worried about.” 

It wasn’t, not really; Felix knows he’s worth much more alive – how else will Jung rob him of his blood, his feathers, his essence; or else turn him into some kind of soldier. 

Either he will live his life only to be drained of it, or live his life to be a mere tool.

“Why me?” Felix finds himself asking. 

“Fishing for compliments, are we?” He walks towards them now, dragging his gaze across Felix’s body as he nears. His hand rises-

“Don’t fucking touch him!” Minho is all teeth, as if he could bite Jung if given the chance. But Jung doesn’t heed the warning. Felix braces himself – with the Hunters, that action had resulted in a feather plucked, a supernova of agony. 

The soft, almost sensual stroke of Jung’s hand against his longest feather is somehow worse. 

“You have so much power inside of you,” Jung whispers. “Those Hunters … they don’t understand how to harness it. The waste – they take a perfectly usable Angel only to slaughter it like savages. Did you know that there are ways to trigger your instincts? To get you to the very edge of death, to harness that power, to nearly drain it…” 

Another stroke along his feather, another hiss from Minho. 

“ … and do it all again.” 

Cattle, then. Not a tool. A blood bag. 

“Why?” Felix whispers. “For what end?” 

Jung sighs, retracts his hand from Felix’s wing, but stares at the feathers even as he walks away. “Your magic, Yongbok, is addictive to those idiotic enough to consume it. However, it can also … loosen lips. It can strengthen weapons. It can make the strongest person fall to their knees and the weakest brim with power. It can win a war, or cause an empire to fall. So long as one knows how to harness it.” 

Felix thinks of the Hunters’, of their bell, their addiction to Houndswater. That addiction made them unfocused, disorganized in comparison to the Bureau. 

The Hunters crafted with his blood, sure, but the way Jung speaks is not of bells. It’s of missiles. 

“You’ll see soon enough,” Jung sighs. Finally, he looks at Minho. “And you’ll be dead by then, won’t you?” 

Felix stiffens, but Minho gives him a strict, surreptitious glare from the corner of his eye. 

Wait until we have an opening, Felix can practically hear Minho screaming. Because a taser is one thing, but Felix can see the shape of guns beneath the agents’ clothing. 

“Seems I will,” Minho says stiffly. 

“Well,” Jung nods at the three agents waiting by the door. “No time like the present-” 

No, no, no. The room is suddenly very small, the cuffs agonizing, his whole body all at once sore with adrenaline. 

“When did you realize,” Felix interrupts quickly. He needs to stall; the more Jung focuses on him, the more he’ll leave Minho alone. Jung raises a brow, then a hand to the three bodyguards. He crosses his arms and leans against the opposite wall, just below a large ventilation shaft. “When did you realize I was an Angel? What gave me away?” 

“I’d suspected from the moment I read the reports leading up to your suspension,” Jung says. “Of course, I knew about you before then. Little Lee Felix, everyone’s personal ball of sunshine. You know, they used to talk about Bang Chan. Resident trainee, he’d do anything to debut, anything at all; except suddenly, he’s pushing back, insisting on better conditions for all of you, saying that he deserves the right to choose the group, not a reality show. Suddenly, there’s something pulling his focus.” 

Guilt doesn’t even slightly register in Felix’s chest. At this point, he knows Jung’s motive: guilt Felix into distraction, into flaring. 

“So when I heard that Bang Chan was getting pulled into meeting after meeting about a Sunshine Candidate, years after their debut, I read a little more closely. Panic, depression, volatility – all words that never showed up in your files before, in case you were curious – not to mention the weight loss and the pain. I requested the transfer, and once I spent enough time around you, it was as obvious as, well, this.” 

Jung plucks the Houndswater stone from Felix’s bag. It’s glowing despite the fact that Felix feels certain he’s more than five feet away from it. 

“Wherever did you get this?” Jung asks. 

Felix doesn’t answer. It doesn’t seem like Jung truly expects him to. 

“For a while, I was worried I got it wrong, I had intel that you might be saintlike, but you were still human – and yet, then, there was the concert, and I suspected anew. You might have bought yourself time to run if you hadn’t left that little thumb drive behind, you know?” 

“You triggered me on purpose at the concert,” Felix is shocked at the snarling ferocity in his voice. “Because of you, the Hunters got me-” 

“Oh, those little bottomfeeders?” Jung snorts. “They’re pests. Messy, greedy, but helpful – they have so many little toys that find you monsters, so sometimes we let them. Of course, they’re insolent. We were lucky we found you when we did – though someone did help us. And you know …” Jung walks slowly to the tarp, though his eyes never leave Felix’s. “They did inspire me to take something from them.” 

“The Sanctus Bell,” Felix growls. Jung laughs. 

“Oh, we have that, don’t you worry – in the perfect spot, I might add – but there was something interesting I found in that van.” 

“Stop,” Minho hisses. Felix feels his stomach clench as his mind tries to catch up with his body’s fear reaction. 

Jung lifts the tarp; in doing so, he shifts a chain, and it clinks. 

Felix flinches – pavlovian. 

The clamp is still crusted with his blood. The teeth glint – razor sharp – in the fluorescent lights. His wings retract more tightly against his back, but with his hands cuffed next to his head, he knows there’s very little he could do should Jung approach him. 

“Stay the fuck away from him!” Minho snarls, pulling against his own cuffs so hard that Felix is worried his shoulders will dislocate.

“Don’t you worry,” Jung sighs mockingly to Minho. “The clamp is truly the last and final option should your little bandmate here remain obstinate.” 

Felix recalls what Yeong-su had said after Felix found out he didn’t have his wings in regards to the Bureau. Your body won’t be yours. There’s physical pain and death, and then there’s physical pain combined with mental torture.

“It’s your fault they took me,” Felix hisses. Jung’s nostrils flare and Felix feels his instincts flare. It’s the first show of irritation from Jung. “Your fault that they tortured me-” 

“Don’t think for a moment you know what horrors the Hunters can cause,” Jung says sharply. 

“Pretty sure having his wings torn was more than a little horrifying,” Minho says icily. 

And Jung’s eyes flash – they flash gold. “At least he still has his wings!” 

Felix looks at the stone again. The same gold as Jung’s eyes. 

He laughs. It’s cruel sound, made all the crueler that it’s coming from Felix, of all people. “You… you’re an Angel too.”

“Was,” Jung spits. “Just like every cursed male in my family. And just like the rest of them, I was brainwashed by the magic, the goodness, the instincts. Unlike them, though, my wings weren’t shed by determination, but ripped from my back before my father had the chance to starve me of them. The only thing the Hunters ever did for me was make me human once again, allow me to continue my family’s work without the ungodly influence of instincts and feathers.” 

“The magic is still in you,” Felix breathes like his lungs might erupt with fire. “You’re still one of-”

Jung is nearly spitting in silent, seething rage when he cuts Felix off. “Don’t imply I’m still one of you freaks.” 

Something is trying to click in Felix’s mind, but the connections are sluggish and vague; the final piece of the puzzle, he can tell, but what that piece is, he’s not yet sure-

“He’s not a freak!” Minho shouts. 

“Hyung, stop!” Felix whimpers. But Minho’s face is sharp with lines of rage and fire. 

“You tortured him for weeks. I had to watch him almost die, I had to clean blood from his feathers, I had to-” Minho gasps in a breath. “You’re no better than the Hunters who took your fucking wings.” 

Jung’s expression darkens. Long-gone is the flash of gold. He looks to one of the three agents guarding the door. Raises a brow. Jerks his head in Minho’s direction.

“Break his leg.” 

“NO!” Felix screams. “No, please, I’ll do whatever you want-” 

The agent who had flaunted the taser so eagerly steps forward. He reaches into the metal crate and emerges with some kind of tire iron, swatting the weapon into the meat of his palm with a heavy clapping. 

“Bbokie, look at me-” Minho says. Felix does. His Hyung is still smiling, a soft smile. “It’s okay, yeah? I’m okay, I want you to close your eyes-” 

“He closes his eyes, it’s an arm too,” Jung drawls casually. Felix blinks tremulously at the man – the monster-

“Bbokie, eyes back on me, you’ll be okay-” 

The agent approached, the other two flanking Minho, grabbing each foot. Minho doesn’t even struggle, doesn’t stop smiling at Felix. 

“Don’t get sharp just yet,” Minho whispers, coded, but Felix will not watch Minho – Minho who loved dancing so much he tried to play God over his own body just like Felix, Minho who found his own religion in the strength of dancing after the fact – shatter just because he loves Felix enough to be here. He focuses on the warmth in his back, wonders why the fuck he didn’t test whether or not his feathers could get sharp enough to cut through metal-

The door flies open and someone moves so quickly that Felix sees only a blur of fabric.

And then the agent holding the tire iron is in a heap on the ground. Someone screams, and a moment later, the other two are down as well with identical sick, wet cracks. 

“Yeong-su?” Felix gasps. 

Yeong-su stands, panting, a metal pole in his hand, staring not at the agents crumpled at his feet, but at Jung. 

And Jung doesn’t look the least bit shocked. No, he looks achingly disappointed.

“I should have known,” Jung says. “It was you, wasn’t it? I was so confident little Lee Yongbok was our Angel, but you swore he wasn’t.” 

Felix’s jaw drops. Next to him, Minho gathers enough strength to turn his head in confusion. Yeong-su is panting, his teeth bright in the fluorescent lighting. Jung narrows his eyes. 

“I bet you were the one who gave him this too, weren’t you?” Jung holds up the Houndswater stone. 

“Let him go,” Yeong-su hisses, gripping the pole like a sword and ignoring Jung’s obvious attempts at baiting him. “He hasn’t done anything to you.” 

“He’s done enough by existing,”Jung snarls.”You’d know that, wouldn’t you?” 

“Why did you come?” Felix finally looks at Yeong-su. “You told me what the Bureau did to you – why did you come?”

Yeong-su glances at him out of the corner of his eye, and his lip quirks up into a small, fleeting smile. “Why did you stay?”

“Yeong-su, this is asinine,” Jung sighs. Though Felix realizes, Jung is now alone, without protection. He takes a half step back under the guise of shifting his weight. “I don’t know what would possess you to turn on us like this. After everything I’ve given you? After I’ve freed you-”

Yeong-su’s grip tightens around the pole. “There was nothing freeing about what you did to me-”

“What I did to you?” Jung parrots back to Yeong-su. He takes a step forward and Yeong-su shudders, his whole body concave as if he wants to keep his back, and his scars, as far away from Jung as possible. Felix strains against the cuffs uselessly.

“You know what you did,” Yeong-su hisses. “You took my wings. Or are you still fond of the term ‘clipped’.” 

Clipped. He’d heard Jung say it in his office, when Felix was wedged in a cabinet, but there’s another memory rising to the surface. A memory tinged with blood, iron and bile scented, ringed with pain. 

And he gasps. 

“You were at the fight with the Hunters.” 

Jung still won’t look at Felix, but he pauses nonetheless. For a moment, he looks surprised, but then his lips spread into a grin Felix has only ever seen on sharks. 

“I was,” he confirms. 

“You … you…” 

He thinks back to that moment, fights through the walls his brain desperately tries to put up between him, now, and any memory of that night. 

Why do you give a shit, planning on brainwashing another? Zou has said. And the agent, the one leading the siege, had laughs.  

Only after I clip its wings.

“You’re a monster,” Yeong-su hisses. “And I can’t believe I let you manipulate me into thinking that you were ever anything but.” 

“Don’t forget I’ve protected you from the Hunters,” Jung chides Yeong-su. “I’ve never let them take you, and you repay me by not bothering to do your job?”

Yeong-su laughs – a mean, sharp sound. “My job? You make me find them, you let me bond with them, and then you kill them! You put their blood in my food so I can’t stray too far! Every single day, you torture me and pretend that it’s protection!” Yeong-su takes a step forward this time, and Felix can’t decide if he wants to stop him or encourage him. 

“When I started to mature, you left me in that room to rot,” Yeong-su snarls. His eyes flash gold, his shoulders flex and spasm. “You let me suffer. You didn’t even come to visit me – I’m a human being-” 

“Not then, you weren’t,” Jung says. “You were one of them. You were a thing-” 

“And you were supposed to be my father!” Yeong-su screams. 

Click. The last puzzle piece. Yeong-su’s ties to the Bureau despite his apparent fear of and distaste towards them. What had he said to Felix? The hunters took my father’s wings. 

“He’s your dad?” Felix gasps. 

Yeong-su grits his teeth. He doesn’t answer. 

“Yes,” Jung growls. “My bloodline is cursed, it seems, and Yeong-su was no exception. Initially, he took to his responsibilities quite well. It seems I was mistaken. Yeong-su was meant to find you at your fitting, meant to confirm whether or not you were, in fact, an Angel. He was the one who assured us that you were human. And,” Jung glares at Yeong-su, “he will be punished severely for his unabashed lies rather than rewarded for the bare minimum.” 

“Punishments and rewards,” Yeong-su confirms, eyes never leaving his father. “Find an Angel, I get my reward – also known as basic human decency. I get to go outside. I get to eat food. I get to be around people. Angels aren’t meant to be alone, it’s torture. Except I didn’t realize it was torture, or brainwashing – not until I met you. Not until I saw how they were with you.” 

His eyes flicker to Minho, who looks as bewildered as Felix feels. Jung is breathing heavily now – not panting, but pulsing, like his heart is going to break out of his chest-

And then the walkie-talkie in his hand fizzles and cracks. Jung twitches, eyes almost leaving the pole in Yeong-su’s hand. Yeong-su seems acutely aware of where Jung’s eyes lie. 

The voice (almost familiar, Felix knows that voice) crackles with urgency. “Sir, we have a problem, you’re needed urgently-” 

Jung presses a button and snarls into the device. “I told you to leave me-” 

“The Hunters are here.” 

Felix’s stomach sinks, but Jung’s reaction is loud – he curses. “Send someone up here now-” he glares at the walkie talkie, then at Minho “-to discipline the stray-” 

And in that moment, the moment when Jung’s eyes are finally off of him, Yeong-su tackles him. Felix gasps, but there’s nothing he can do – thankfully, Yeong-su clearly catches Jung off guard. The man is thrown to the ground, and for a moment, Felix is sure Yeong-su is going to kill him. Instead he seems to be needing over the fabric of Jung’s jacket. 

As quickly as the tackle occurred, it’s over. Yeong-su jumps to his feet and grabs the walkie-talkie from the ground. As he does, Felix catches something shiny being slid to the shadowy corner of the room. 

Yeong-su wiggles the walkie-talkie in the air as he backs up. “Since I’m so good at withholding information, maybe I’ll try spreading some misinformation instead, huh?” 

“You -” Jung pushes himself upright. Felix can see a bruise blooming on his cheekbone which he touches gingerly. 

Yeong-su doesn’t let him finish. Instead, rushes for the door. Jung scrambles to his feet, dropping the Houndstooth stone in the process, which rolls across the ground, stopping when it meets Felix’s foot and glowing brightly. 

“What did you do!” Jung yells. 

And then he’s running too, running after Yeong-su like a man possessed. The door slams behind him, and Felix is left with the sound of Minho’s heavy breathing and the sense that his world has been shifted yet again. 

And to be honest? He’s getting pretty fucking sick of that feeling. 

Is Yeong-su going to come back? Or did his rage towards his father (his father, Felix mulls the revelation in his head) make him completely forget that Felix and Minho are in handcuffs? Felix focuses desperately on his wings, hears the sharpening of the feathers, but when he lifts them and attempts to slice against the metal of the handcuffs, nothing happens. 

Just silence. Silence and the sound of Minho’s breaths. 

“Minho-hyung,” Felix whispers. “Are you okay?” 

His head is hung, hair damp with sweat and stringily obscuring his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Hyung,” Felix chokes. “I never wanted you to get involved with this, you shouldn’t have to be. I wouldn’t blame you if you blamed me – you only came here because of me, I know that – because … because I don’t know if we’re getting out of this.” 

Felix’s voice is strangled with fear and tears and an amalgamation of swirling feelings. A Felix-storm, untamable and cold and wet and awful. 

“I never thanked you enough,” Felix sniffles. “Not then, definitely not now – and I should have because you’re always there for me, and you always believe in me.” 

His arms ache where the handcuffs dig into the already-tender flesh of his still-just-bruised wrists, and his shoulders are starting to whine from the awkward angle at which they’re being pulled. Still, Felix tries again as if the metal will magically vanish, as if he can save his Hyung. 

You can’t save him, a voice whispers in his mind. Him, younger, shattered after his elimination, if he had to place it. You tried. But you failed.

Felix can’t quite bite back the sob that bubbles up from his throat – it’s a dry, haggard noise. 

He’s so sick of crying. 

He really doesn’t want to die crying. 

“I’m so sorry-” he starts. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Minho cuts him off. Felix stills, blinking at his Hyung who, even dangling, face scraped and arms wrenched behind him, is smiling. 

“Why?” Felix rasps. “I failed. I got us caught. The Angels are still going to be taken, I’m going to be taken, and you’re … Hyung, they’re going to kill you-” 

Minho laughs; it’s soft noise, a horrible sound really – too lovely in such a horrible place – and leans his head to the side. Felix sobs but tilts his neck until they can bump their heads together. 

Like cats. 

“You fought so hard,” Minho tells him. “After everything that has been done to you, you keep fighting – not because you want to fight, but because you love so much. I am proud that, despite everything you’ve gone through, you are still able to love and trust and hope.” 

“Not anymore,” Felix hands his head as the tears drip down his cheeks, off his jaw. 

“Yes, even still,” Minho shakes his head. “I can see it in your eyes. You’ll fight til the end.” 

“Hyung,” Felix blinks away his tears until he can see Minho’s face in perfect clarity. “Promise me that if you get the chance, you’ll run. Promise me you’ll fight too.” 

Minho purses his lip, then winces when the action irritates his split lip. “Deal.” 

There’s a metallic clang just outside of the room, so clear it’s almost as if it’s in the room. Felix bites back a whimper, but he knows that what’s about to happen is inevitable, despite Minho’s unwavering faith in him. Agents are about to come in and they’re going to break Minho’s leg, maybe his arm, maybe any other bone just to prove a point; Eventually, Jung will come back, and then he’ll kill Minho, take the other angels, clip Felix’s wings just like he’d done to his own son’s- 

“If you get out,” Felix says suddenly, the words a desperate spew from his mouth, “you have to tell Hyunjin that I’m sorry. And that I love him more than anything.” 

“Felix,” Minho whispers. “No, Bbokie, don’t talk like that yet-” 

“Please, hyung,” Felix begs. “You have to tell him-” 

There’s another metallic sound, closer this time; something hits the floor–

“Why don’t you tell him yourself, Angel?” 

Felix gasps. That voice – honey smooth, rich like a brownie with a sprinkle of sea-salt teasing – makes him turn his head slowly. 

And there he is. 

Hyunjin smiles at him, the front panel of the room’s venting in one hand; where the panel had been at the side of the ventilation shaft is now a gap, an opening, an exit. 

“Jinnie?” Felix barely breathes. Hyunjin’s eyes soften, and he takes several long strides across the room before Felix pushes his wings forward, pulls Hyunjin close to him. Hyunjin gets the message, wraps Felix in his arms and seems to be inhaling the very scent of him.  

“What are you doing here?” Minho laughs. 

Hyunjin answers against Felix’s hair, unwilling to let go. “I ran into Yeong-su while we were looking for you. He came in here to get the keys from Jung while I crept into the AC shaft. He said he’d try to hide them somewhere-”

“That corner!” Felix can’t point, but he points with his chin to where he’d seen that shiny glint. Hyunjin grabs the key ring and rushes back. 

Hyunjin has to try several keys before he finds the one that unlocks the handcuffs and frees their arms; he releases Felix, then Minho seconds later, before pulling them both into his arms. Felix fists his hands in their clothes, presses his face into both of their shoulders; Felix clings. 

Minho hisses in discomfort and Hyunjin pulls back. 

“What’d they do to you?” he asks, eyes dark as he takes in the scrapes, the way Minho carries his body: like it hurts. But Minho grins. 

“I may have gotten mouthy,” Minho admits. “They, uh, brought the clamp that the Hunters had on Felix’s wings. I didn’t take kindly to that.”

Hyunjin snarls, immediately circling Felix to inspect his wings. Minho quickly drags the tarp back over the clamp. 

“They’re fine, don’t worry,” Felix assures him. He tugs Hyunjin to a stop, lets his hands travel up to Hyunjin’s neck, his face, his head. He wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so badly. “God, I can’t believe you’re here.” 

“Can’t believe you thought I’d want you anywhere but with me,” Hyunjin whispers in response. Felix feels himself go red with shame. “Hey, I’m not mad at you. I know you’ve been going through a lot these past few days. Just know that none of us would ever ask you to leave. If we thought you really needed to get out of Seoul, we’d all be getting out of Seoul together.” 

“See?” Minho hipchecks him. “I told you.” 

“We should go. The air ducts aren’t the widest, but I think your wings could fit. I climbed in from some kind of storage closet, it seems empty so if we go back there, we should be good.” 

“What about the Hunters?” Felix asks anxiously, not really expecting a response, but Hyunjin grins as he starts stacking chairs beneath the ventilation shaft. 

“There are no hunters. That was Minnie. Yeong-su gave us the walkie talkie -- we waited until Jung was properly pissed, then I texted Seungmin, and he put in the call. We needed Jung riled enough that he would be distracted, that he would chase after Yeong-su without realizing he was missing the keys and ideally get distracted at the idea that the Hunters are here. Yeong-su should be on his way back to the others now. Here, Minho, I’ll boost you.” 

Minho must be in true pain, because he doesn’t balk at needing physical assistance. The duct’s opening is only about six feet up; Hyunjin offers him a hand up the stack of chairs, then interlocks his fingers to boost Minho up. That explains the metallic noise Felix had heard – the metal is sturdy, but it still whines under the additional weight. Hyunjin looks to Felix, who simply flaps his wings to get the height. 

“Show off,” Hyunjin says. When Felix squeezes into the duct and turns to offer Hyunjin a hand, the man in question is smiling at Felix like he singlehandedly dragged the sun into the sky. 

“Only for you,” Felix can’t help but say as he reaches his hand down. Hyunjin takes it and Felix pulls him into the duct. It’s a tight fit, especially with Felix’s wings, but they start to crawl as quickly as possible. 

“Turn right and it’s the second opening on your left.” 

Hyunjin wasn’t lying when he said the storage room is small. Minho has to move several empty buckets onto one of the shelves so that Felix has enough room to jump down, and then Felix has to perch on one of the shelves to make room for Hyunjin. 

And then they just breathe, the adrenaline wearing away for just a moment. 

“Are the others okay?” Felix asks. 

“We’re all fine, Sunshine,” Hyunjin promises. 

“Give me your phone,” Minho says. Hyunjin passes the device over and Minho’s fingers fly across the keyboard. “I need Sung to know I’m okay.” 

And Felix can’t bear it anymore. Hyunjin is all of ten centimeters away from him, and perched on the shelf they’re a similar height, and he’s here and Felix can’t believe he thought this man would want him gone, and he’s not in the chains anymore and there’s a chance-

“Lix?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix grabs Hyunjin’s face in his hands, pulls him forward, and kisses him. 

“Oh, come on, I was looking at the phone for two seconds!” Minho groans. He feels Hyunjin’s grin against his own lips, sees that smile when they pull away. 

“I love you,” Felix says. “Fuck, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.” 

Minho visibly softens, even if he’s still pretending to be annoyed. 

Hyunjin, meanwhile, melts. 

“The bell is here,” Felix says. 

“We figured as much,” Hyunjin confirms. “Yeong-su says that every Bureau agent is going to be watching and waiting. We thought the Sunshine list at JYPE was bad, but they’re trying to make a list of every entertainer in Korea.” 

“We have to stop them,” Felix says, if only to manifest it into reality. “I … I know it’s going to be dangerous. It’ll be dangerous for anyone who stays.” 

He looks at them both seriously. 

They look right back. Hyunjin smiles. 

“Then we’ll all have to be extra careful, yeah?” 

“So,” Minho cocks his hip, smile a little wry. “What’s the plan?” 

Felix swallows. He wants to lock Hyunjin and Minho in this room, wants to corral the members, shove them in a car, and send them back to the dorms where they belong – away from danger, away from men with guns and tire irons and taser, away from a father who let his own son rot away the very thing he felt defined his inhumanity.

But at the same time, he can’t do this without them; ever since his back turned the lightest shade of pink, ever since his emotions started going haywire, all the members – Hyunjin and Minho especially – have begged him to let them in, let them help, let them carry even an ounce of whatever he was going through. 

“Lix,” Hyunjin squeezes his hand again, gently. “We’re in this with you. Tell us what you’re thinking.” 

Warmth blooms in his chest, spreads down to his fingers. A strange mix of adoration and fear and, above it all, trust. Felix swallows and nods. 

“First thing’s first, we need to figure out where the bell is. That’s where Jung will go. That’s the only way to make sure everyone gets out of this alive.” 

Hyunjin and Minho look at each other. 

“Sounds like we're gonna need all hands on deck. Do you wanna call your boyfriend?” Hyunjin asks Minho, “or should I.” 

Notes:

so many revelations !! so many twists!! both of these having been written since Yeong-su was introduced!!

and so many of you were on the nose -- like yeah Yeong-su is clearly shady, but evil? no, he's just a victim of having the worst dad in the world.

fingers crossed for a Monday update <3 ily sm 4evr <3

Chapter 25: it's time to make a move, get lit, so loud

Summary:

They're free from the Bureau, but for how long? And what can eight idols realistically do to stop Jung?

Notes:

I'M SORRY I'M LATE!!!! ALSO 30K? HITS?? WTF !!!

Life caught up with me SO aggressively and I couldn't even start the chapter until Sunday!!

I'm so anxious about this one y'all, the pressure I've assigned myself is enormous, and writing fight scenes is hard!

But I actually cried writing it I'm not gonna lie!!

Ily, you're amazing, I hope you like it <3

“ I can’t tell you why, I just need you to trust me ,” Jisung pleads with the actress – he doesn't know her name, only recognizes her from some Chinese film he thinks he might have watched in a hotel room on tour. 

“ I don’t even know what you’re talking about, ” she says for the upteenth time. “ Why would I trust you? ”

They’re both using English, neither one comfortable enough in each other’s native tongue, but neither particularly fluent in this one either. Jisung looks again at the stone in his palm. It’s definitely reacting to her. 

“Ji, come on,” Changbin nudges Jisung with a sad smile. 

“But hyung,” Jisung looks down at the stone, concealed in his fist. 

“I know, Ji,” Changbin cups his hand over Jisung’s fist. “But we’ve gotta keep moving, yeah?” 

It’s been at least five minutes that Jisung’s been trying to convince the actress to go to the basement. He and Changbin have managed to convince a handful of others to take shelter there, with strict instruction to lock the door until someone comes to get them, but the majority of people eye them with distrust. Jisung can’t blame them, but he also can’t help them, and that hurts. 

“Let’s try a different room, okay?” Changbin asks. 

Another pang of worry flashes, painful and sharp, across Jisung’s chest. Minho is here, somewhere; so if Felix, and Hyunjin is maybe with them, and Jisung thinks he’s going to die- 

“Hyung,” Jisung asks Changbin as they start down the corridor again – significantly more busy every time they reenter it as the show grows closer – “what the hell are we gonna do? No one believes us, we have no clue where Minho-hyung, Jinnie, or Lix are, and we’re probably five minutes away from getting dragged away by the managers because I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to be doing an interview any second now-”

“It’ll be okay, Sung,” Changbin says. He’s trying very hard to seem confident; Jisung can tell, has spent enough time with Changbin to know that the nonchalant act is just that – put on and false. 

It makes Jisung want to scream. 

“How the hell is any of this okay?”

“It’s not , but there’s nothing we should do-” 

“We should at least find them-”

“Jisung, take a breath-” 

“I can't-”

“Ji,” Changbin stops walking so suddenly that they nearly collide with a small group of idols Jisung vaguely remembers seeing at a different award show. They both immediately drop into a quick series of apologetic bows before Changbin is pulling him out of the hallway and through a large metal door that leads to the back of the stage. It’s immediately so much quieter, a bit cooler than the stuffy hallway

“Hyung, what-” 

“You’re panicking,” Changbin says softly. And oh, he is, isn’t he? Jisung is all at once painfully aware of the bands tightening around his chest, of the rapid shrinking sensation in his throat, the stinging pulsing of adrenaline as it shoots down his arms. “Breat, Ji, you’re gonna breathe with me-” 

Jisung nods desperately as Changbin runs his hands slowly up and down Jisung’s arms, all the while counting for alternating inhales and exhales. The whole time, Jisung tries to focus on the feeling of palms on his skin, of the far away sounds of staff members prepping for showtime. Anything to stop imagining what might be happening to Minho and Felix right now, to Hyunjin who had disappeared with Yeong-su, apparently, and gone intentionally silent. Only Seungmin might know what’s happening to them, but he’s long-since hidden himself in the dressing room, waiting for a signal.  

“What if Hyunjin got caught too?” Jisung whimpers when he’s no longer struggling for breath. “What if he couldn’t save them-” 

“You can’t go there right now,” Changbin cuts him off, and Jisung sees a flash of deep, horrible fear reflected back at him. “We have to trust that they’re going to find them-” 

Before Changbin can finish his sentence, Jisung’s phone buzzes. He scrambles for it, blinks down at the text, and laughs. 

“It’s Minho-hyung,” Jisung shows Changbin his phone, who exhales as if he’d been holding air in his lungs for hours. “He’s texting me from Hyunjin’s phone. They’re okay.”

“Thank God,” Changbin sighs, and then pulls Jisung into a hug. For a moment, they just stay there – clearly, the area of the stage they’re hidden in is used more for storage than anything else, and with the lack of lights, Jisung has a sudden urge to stay right where they are, get the others to meet them; they can hide for the rest of the show, maybe for the rest of the month. 

Before he can sink into the fantasy, his phone buzzes again – not once with a text, but insistently. He pulls out of Changbin’s embrace and looks down at his phone, at Hyunjin’s contact photo side eying him through the screen. Changbin nods encouragingly and Jisung presses accept call. 

“Jinnie?” Jisung asks. 

But it’s a voice he knows all too well that greets him – smooth, musical, a little dark. And despite the fact that Minho just texted him, it’s so much different to actually hear him speak. 

“Hey, Naekkeo.”

“Hyung,” Jisung whispers tearfully. Changbin squeezes his shoulder comfortingly. “You’re okay?” 

He hears Minho’s laugh, the little huff of air; when they’re talking, right before they both succumb to sleep, Jisung gets to feel that very same laugh in warm, staccato puffs on the back of his neck. 

“I texted you, didn’t I?” Minho teases.

“Shut up,” Jisung rubs his nose on the back of his sleeve, “S’not the same as hearing your voice. Or, I don’t know, seeing you. ”

“I’ve got someone else here who I think wants to hear your voice. If those puppy-dog eyes are anything to go by, at least.” 

Jisung can’t help the happy gasp that escapes him. “My Lixie?” 

There’s a shuffling sound over the line, then a deep voice Jisung knows all too well. 

“Sungie?” 

“Hey, Sunshine,” Jisung laughs. “I’m here with Binnie-hyung too.” 

“You three doing okay?” Changbin asks as softly as he smiles at the phone. 

“We’re okay,” Felix says. 

“Good,” Changbin sighs. A tension that Jisung hadn’t noticed seeps from his shoulders. “Stay that way.” 

“How are things on your end?” Hyunjin asks. 

“We’re…okay,” Jisung frowns at his fist, the stone sweaty against his palm now. “We’ve convinced some people to hide, but not nearly enough.” 

“Where are you guys?” Changbin asks. “How can we help?” 

The silence stretches just a few seconds longer than Jisung’s heart can stand it. He’s about to say something when he hears Felix mumbling something to the other two – both too low and too quiet for Jisung to hear; Hyunjin says something in a soft, comforting voice, and then Minho groans. When he speaks again, he sounds louder, closer to the phone, like Minho took him off speaker. 

“Well, Felix wants me to tell you that it would be perfectly understandable if you wanted to go back to the dorms.” 

Jisung glances at Changbin, who wears an identical expression of fond exasperation. 

“Tell Yongboks he’s gone and lost his last and final brain cell if he thinks we’re leaving him behind,” Changbin tries to sound teasing, but he only manages to come across as achingly fond. 

“I told you,” Minho must be speaking to Felix if his saccharine tone is anything to go by. 

“Oh, just give me the phone,” Felix mumbles, all faux-grumpiness, and then he’s speaking much more clearly. “Listen, we’re in some kind of supply closet, hiding. Apparently there are Bureau agents crawling all over the place, and the Sanctus Bell is here somewhere-” 

“And you need to find it,” Changbin finishes. 

“I’m sorry,” Felix says. Jisung knows what he’s apologizing for, despite the fact that no apology is necessary: he’s apologizing for the fact that he might be hiding now, but he doesn’t intend to stay hidden; for the fact that he’s safe, but he needs to help more than he needs to remain safe. 

“We can’t exactly go looking ourselves, not without risking getting seen,” Minho adds. “Plus, Bbokie doesn’t have anything to hide his wings with, and neither Hyunjinnie’s tour outfit nor my hoodie is going to do a very good job at hiding those pretty feathers.” 

“Very pretty feathers,” Changbin confirms, almost on instinct, like the opportunity to compliment Felix is too appealing to ignore. Jisung rolls his eyes and starts to pace along the wing of the stage, still very much hidden in shadow, but restless. 

“How big do you think it is?” Jisung asks. 

“Big,” Felix says. “I know that’s not helpful, but it’ll be big. Way too big to hide, but…” 

“But it’s a very big venue,” Hyunjin sighs. 

That’s an understatement. They’ve spent the past forty-five minutes darting from room to room looking for Angels, with Chan and Jeongin and Seungmin all searching in their own designated zones. Yeong-su is hiding somewhere, according to Seungmin, and they haven’t run across him either. 

Jisung stops practicing when his foot crosses into a beam of golden light. He immediately flinches and moves back – he’s gotten too close to the stage, too close to the spot lights – but when he looks up, he doesn’t see any lights, any spots illuminating the wings. Only a vague, shimmery gold. 

“Jisung?” Hyunjin asks. “Hello, did we lose you?” 

Jisung takes a caution step forward, then another, until his view is no longer blocked by the heavy velvet stage curtains. 

The golden light was not coming from a light; it is that same type of shimmery light he’s seen hovering on Felix’s feathers. 

And now, it clouds the enormous Bell that hangs on a pulley above the stage. 

“Changbin? Are you there?” Hyunjin is speaking more insistently. 

“Yeah, I’m … “ Changbin moves quickly to Jisung’s side. “Ji, what’s wro-” 

His face glows warmly in the golden light, but it still visibly pales in contrast. “Oh, fuck.” 

“Can someone tell us what’s happening?” Hyunjin snaps. Jisung swallows, lifts the phone back to his ear. 

“I think you guys better get down here.” 

---

The stairwell is silent save for the pounding of their footsteps down the stairs. Too loud, Felix thinks, anyone who opened a door would hear them. 

But it’s like he can feel the golden threads glowing and flaring and pulling him closer. With every step taken, he finds his speed increasing; even when he hears footsteps drawing closer, his trepidation is a tiny, negligible blip. 

Because he knows those footsteps; he knows those (horribly loud) attempts at whispering. Hyunjin squeezes his hand so tightly that Felix thinks his fingers should break. Minho is crying. 

And there, at the ground floor, are the others. Chan, Changbin, Jisung, Seungmin, and Jisung, each one dressed in their concert outfits, each tense with anticipation, each smiling in relief. Felix doesn’t slow down – he throws himself into Chan’s arm, and Chan catches him. 

Because his Chan – his Channie-hyung, his Chris – letting him fall? Yeah, right. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Chan keeps repeating, his hands brushing Felix’s sides, his back, his poorly-hidden wings, his hair, like he’s confirming that Felix is real and alive. Felix’s isn’t sure whether Chan is telling Felix or reminding himself. “You’re okay, you’re okay-” 

“I’m fine, Hannie,” Minho is next to him, wrapped in Jisung’s arms. Jisung’s shoulders are shuddering. “Aish, I’m barely scraped, don’t cry-” 

“I-I’m starting a cl-club with Hyunjinniei-e,” Jisung blubbers. “A club for people with boyfriends who are stupid and bra-ave.” 

Before Felix can spiral in guilt, Jisung has him by the arm and is attempting to crush both him and Minho into a hug. 

“I swear I don’t try to be stupid,” he says, blinking back tears. 

“But you do try to be brave,” Jisung releases Minho and cups Felix’s face in his hands. “That’s pretty fucking cool, Lix. You’re pretty fucking cool.” 

Felix sniffles and clings to Jisung for just a moment longer. 

“As much as I want to get my Lixie hug too, we should get out of the very public stairwell,” Seungmin points out. 

“C’mon,” Jisung takes Minho’s and Felix’s hand in each of his own. 

They’ve barely exited the stairwell before Jisung is tugging them through another door and into darkness. Felix has to close his eyes for several seconds just to adjust to the change in lighting, but by the smell alone ( sawdust, heat, setting spray, sweat ), he knows where they are: backstage. 

They’re behind the screen of the stage – a screen that he’s sure is intended to display neon, blown up images of Stray Kids – next to piles of tools, wooden panels, and abandoned clothing racks, amongst other objects made indistinguishable in the dark. Despite the silence of this particular backstage area, their footsteps sound muffled, not echoed.

“This way,” Jisung pulls Felix towards the right wings of the stage. They all hug the shadows, and Felix is about to ask what they’re looking at when Jisung places his fingers beneath Felix’s chin and tilts his head up. 

“Oh,” Felix breathes. 

Big, it seems, was the very accurate choice of adjective. Despite the fact that it’s hanging far above their heads, Felix can tell that it’s nearly the size of a car. A halo of golden light shimmers around the metal, which looks to be the same bronze as the small handbell the Hunters had used. Unlike the handbell, though, the Sanctus Bell is ornately decorated, swooping filigrees and intricate woven crosses circling the rim. Felix takes another minute step forward, putting himself beneath the sheen of the Bell’s light, and he gasps. 

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin is at his side in a flash. “What’s wrong?” 

Felix breathes shakily and looks down at his hand; it feels like walking into sunlight where the glow hits his skin – warmth, energy, joy. And that’s at a distance. 

The pleasant sensation is immediately undermined by the realization that hits him. THe bell is huge, and its aura is one of pure power, which means-

“I can’t even imagine how many Angels had to die to make it,” Felix confesses to Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin tucks him against his side. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t reach for meaningless comforts; he just lets Felix engage with the sadness, and then pulls him gently away back to the others. 

“Here,” Jeongin pulls a duffel bag that has quickly gotten dropped to the ground, unzips it, and shoves a pile of white fabric into Felix’s arms, passes a similarly colored pile to Minho. He realizes it’s the same color that all of the members are wearing – crisp white pants, baggy and torn, a white tanktop, slightly mesh with shimmering embellishments on the front. “And use this-” 

Jeongin pulls out a swatch of elastic. “You brought that?” Felix asks. Jeongin raises a brow, but his ears go a little bit pink. 

“I started keeping an extra after we got back from Jeju,” he shrugs. “It’s nothing really.” 

“It’s everything,” Felix says, looking at the material in his hands; then he looks at the men around him – because they’re Kids in name alone, now; they’re not boys, they’re not children, they’re all grown up and ready to help him. 

And maybe, just maybe, Felix can be grown up enough to accept that help. 

Felix changes quickly, happily accepting the eager hands of Hyunjin and Jeongin as they wrap his wings beneath the elastic. 

“Did anyone get a hold of Yeong-su?” Felix asks. 

“He’s safe. He’s hiding for now, and he knows that we’re trying to stop everything, but…” Hyunjin chews on his lip for a moment as he considers his phrasing, “I don’t know what his plan is. He seems … angry.” 

“I would be too,” Felix says. “I mean, it’s just just that Jung only tortured him and turned him into a pawn for his Bureau – it’s that he’s his dad- ”

“What?” Changbin gasps. 

“Oh, yeah,” Felix stutters. “Let me explain-” 

And he does so, in between hugs and gentle touches – both received and given. It’s like the eight of them need to confirm that they’re all here together, despite their separation lasting for maybe two hours at most. With Minho and Felix dressed, they look every bit the team they are.

The team Felix is about to ask to potentially risk their lives to help him help the other Angels. 

“So what’s the plan?” Seungmin asks. Felix notices he has a notebook in his hands and a pen at the ready. Not a question as to whether it’ll be too dangerous, or whether or not Felix has thought a single thing through. 

And they’re all watching him. Waiting. Listening. 

“Jung thinks the Hunters are here, thanks to you guys,” Felix starts. “But at some point, some point soon, he’s going to realize that he was lied to, and then he’s going to realize that we’re gone. If what Yeong-su said is true, every Bureau agent in Seoul is here, and they’re waiting for the Bell to ring.” 

“Where are they, though?” Changbin frowns. “I’ve seen dozens of security guards – both from the venue and from individual groups – but no one that looks evil .” 

“They’re probably hiding,” Felix says slowly, thinking out loud. “They look like security, but only barely. And they have … they have weapons.” 

“So we probably can’t just fight them,” Jeongin grumbles. Felix can’t fight the small smile at his genuinely dejected tone, as if he’d been imagining a Marvel-esque battle scene. 

“You definitely shouldn’t fight them, not if you can help it. If anything…” 

Felix takes a deep breath. They won’t like this bit. 

“You have to pretend everything’s normal,” Felix says. “This isn’t some weird martyr shit, I swear – if Jung thinks we found you, not only is that six other people that the Bureau will be looking for, but six other people the Bureau will want to hurt-” 

Chan takes a small step forward, all leader when he begins, “Felix-” 

“I’m serious, Hyung,” Felix says – not angrily, not waspishly at all, but seriously; serious in a way he normally isn’t, and Chan pauses, nods, listens . “I’m not saying this to keep you out of maybe-danger.” 

He looks at Minho, who nods minutely. Felix clears his throat. “Before Yeong-su arrived, before you,” Felix looks at Hyunjin, “texted him, they were going to break Minho-hyung’s leg. Not because he tried to attack Jung, not because he was a threat, but because he said one rude thing to him. They would have killed him on the roof except they knew they could use him to make me obey. And … and-” 

“And you would have,” Hyunjin finishes for him. He’s not smiling, but he’s not frowning either; there’s something soft in his features, and for a moment Felix can’t help but see Hyunjin on that very first day at JYPE.

“Yeah,” Felix says. “The same way you would too. All of you.” 

“Yeah,” Chan sighs. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” 

“If Jung realized that you know where I am, he’s going to take you, and he’s not just going to kill you.” 

It’s harsh, but maybe Felix has been a little too soft, a little too careful; still, the words hit a nerve. Jisung, already teary (even more so since Felix told him what Minho’s fate almost was) wipes at his cheeks. Seungmin is staring at his notebook sharply, and Changbin is flexing every muscle in his body as if he’s mentally fighting Jung at this very moment. Jeongin looks similarly furious, but he’s pale as a sheet, and Minho distantly touches the spot on his side where the taser struck him. Chan would look unaffected if not for the clicking of his jaw. 

But Hyunjin is watching Felix like he, too, is remembering that first day – Felix, lost in a sea of words and inflections he couldn’t understand, Hyunjin desperate to find his footing in a category other that just a pretty face – when they were strangers, ostensibly, but bonded from the first moment. Maybe it was their joint desire to prove themselves, maybe it was the identical sparks of fear they saw in each other’s eyes, or maybe the spark was a mildly-loopy, sleep deprived hallucination that they both latched on to and chose, day after day, to cultivate. 

Felix smiles at Hyunjin. I love that I know you, he wants to say. I know that you love me. 

Hyunjin smiles back. 

“Okay,” Hyunjin says softly. And then he nods, repeats it a bit louder. “Okay. Lixie is right. So what do we do?” 

They all look at Chan. He scoffs. 

“What, I have to come up with the plan to, what, stop the Bell from ringing?” 

“I mean, it’s usually your thing,” Jeongin points out. 

“Uh, yeah, planning conversations with management and rooming assignments and how to keep you all from acting like hooligans?” Chan huffs. “It’s not like any of us are prepped to figure out how to distract a psychopathic monster, a building full of agents that kidnap a bunch of Angels, and prevent a bell the size of a car from being hit loudly enough to ring?” 

Felix pauses, hums in consideration. He exchanges a glance with Hyunjin, then Chan, and then everyone’s collective gaze simultaneously slides to Seungmin. 

Seungmin raises a singular brow – Felix swears he’s seen Seungmin practice in the bathroom mirror, and that practice clearly paid off, because he looks so hilariously unimpressed and unsurprised. He glances down at his notebook again, and then up at the bell. 

“Fine,” he says. “Only because I don’t trust you idiots to come up with a plan that won’t end in disaster.” 

They don’t call him on the fact that he’s beaming when he says it.  

---

They stay hidden in the dark, dusty corner of the stage while Seungmin paces, writes, and mumbles to himself. Felix spends the whole time half in Hyunjin’s lap; he’d worry about being clingy, but Hyunjin seems more than content to have Felix wrapped in his arms. 

Eventually, Seungmin walks over and joins their circle, clearing his throat to get their attention. 

“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” Seungmin says. “Like Lixie said, we need to act like we have no clue what’s going on, like we’re ready to perform and shmooze and all that idol jazz. So we’re all going to go back in pairs to our dressing rooms. ATEEZ is our alibi – I texted Wooyoung and they’re here, we’re going to say that we got distracted hanging out with them. Jung isn't our manager anymore, and it doesn’t seem like he’d be backstage if he’s trying to figure out whether or not the Hunters are there.” 

It’s a good call, and it accomplishes just what Felix was hoping for – the members, not necessarily safe, but hiding in plain sight. Ready to jump in and help if needed – but only if needed.

“What about Minho and Lix?” Jisung asks. 

Seungmin looks like he’s holding back a wince. “We’ve gotten some of the Angels out, but the fact is, there were way too many that we couldn’t convince, and there’s a good chance that more Angels will show up as part of the crowd. We need to do whatever we can to stop the Bell – based on that pulley, they’re going to lower it during a show, which means someone is going to check that it’s working. We’re going to let them check, and then once the show starts, we’ll make sure it won’t work.” 

He reaches behind him and rolls a sturdy looking metal pole across the circle and towards Felix. 

“It looks like it’s on a chain. Jam it through one of the pulley mechanisms, and that should stop it from being lowered.” 

“That’s good!” Chan sits up a little straighter. “Once the show’s begun, it’ll be ten times harder for anyone from the Bureau to go up there.” 

“Exactly. Yeong-su was telling Hyunjin and I that the Bureau requires secrecy above all else. They might be able to hide in electrical booths and pretend to be security, but they won’t be able to sneak backstage in their tactical gear, at least not easily.

“So what exactly are we going to be doing?” Minho asks. 

Seungmin taps at his notebook, at the notes in such violent chicken scrawl that he’s probably the only one who can read it. Then he winces in Minho’s direction. 

“You ever heard of exposure therapy?” 

Seungmin doesn’t seem eager to meet Minho’s eye, his gaze somewhere over Felix’s shoulder. Felix turns slowly, but the only thing on the wall behind him is a ladder…

Minho’s mouth pops open. 

“When you think about it,” Suengmin says slowly, “after flying over Seoul, what’s 200 feet above a stage?”

Minho’s eyes drag higher and higher up the ladder. It leads to the catwalk, which branches off in a grid of interconnected walkways. One of which likely leads directly beneath the Bell’s pulley mechanism.  

It would be funny if it wasn’t so devastating. 

“You’re dead, Kim Seungmin,” Minho growls. 

“I’m actually trying very hard to avoid that occurring,” Seungmin brushes away the threat like it’s lint on a sweater. 

“Not that I don’t love this plan, but…” Felix fiddles with the delicate shimmering beading on his jacket lapel, “what if something goes wrong?” 

“Well, it’s kind of stupid, but … but we pull a fire alarm.” 

Felix pauses, almost laughs (because it’s so high school movie coded), but then he thinks about it. As far as worst-case scenario plans go, it’s logical. It would keep the crowd, and any Angels among it, moving; it would force the Bureau agents out too, at least prevent them from watching and studying different reactions of the crowd. 

“Dibs,” Jeongin says. “I’ve always wanted to pull a fire alarm for distraction purposes.”

Seungmin sighs. “I figured.” 

“But … but how are we going to stop Jung?” Jisung asks. “Can we, like, break theBell?” 

They all look up at the mammoth Bell. 

“We can’t risk setting it off,” Felix says. “And … unless it was botched …” 

Hyunjin stiffens beside him. “Botched. Why do I know that word?” 

Felix presses at his wings, bound as they are, stroking them as comfortingly as he can through the layers of fabric. “The Hunters mentioned it. If … if the Angel blood is not collected properly the whole batch is ruined.” 

“By collected properly, you mean-?”

“If they’re not adequately tortured,” Felix says coldly. “I imagine if an Angel died, but not in the correct amount of pain, the process would be ruined.” 

“Well, we’re not doing that,” Chan says sternly. Felix nods. 

“No, so we just have to stop them from ringing it. But,” Felix clears his throat and looks at all of them seriously. “But if Jung does anything, I’m going after him, okay? I can fight. ” 

“He has a gun,” Hyunjin reminds him. “I love you, but you’re not bulletproof.” 

Felix squeezes his hands. “He might have a gun, but I have time. I know that if it comes to it, I can stop him. I know that doesn't get rid of the Bell, and it doesn’t stop the Bureau, but it would stop him – their leader.” 

Seungmin scribbles in the notebook. “Okay, so we go on as expected. Minho-hyung and Lix jam the pulley once the show has started and stay hidden in the catwalk until it’s safe to get down – oh, and take these-” 

He grabs two large headphones. Felix turns them over in his hands, spying a label on the headband. 

“These are staff’s?” Felix asks. Seungmin nods. 

“We’ll have our in-ears. If you set those to the right frequency, you’ll be able to talk to us. That means, if it comes down to Jeongin playing fake arsonist, you can give us the cue, and if we notice something, we can tell you.” 

“Plus, they’re noisecanceling,” Hyunjin laughs softly, pointing at a small button on the side of the headphones. 

Felix slides the headphones around his neck, the weight familiar and grounding. 

“If everything goes to plan, and the show ends as expected, stay hidden. We’ll get you.” 

Felix smiles at Seungmin. “I know you will. You always have.”

Seungmin’s face twists in disgust. “Don’t get all emotional and genuine now! I’m trying to be a badass!” 

“So badass,” Felix confirms, but he tugs Seungmin into a hug, and his roommate doesn’t fight it. 

They linger backstage as long as they can, alternating rehashes of the nebulous plan and simply soaking up each other’s company. Soon enough, though, the stage begins to fill with more and more staff, and the sounds of chattering in the hallway grow in volume. 

“You need to go back,” Felix whispers to Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s arms tighten even though he nods in agreement. 

“Just a little longer,” Hyunjin whines. He presses his head against Felix’s neck, and Felix nuzzles into the action. 

“Lixie’s right, loverboy,” Changbin pinches Hyunjin’s ear. The group tumbles into an eight-armed group hug, and it feels so much like pre-show adrenaline that it’s almost painful. At the last minute, Felix wraps his arms more tightly around Hyunjin’s neck but shifts slightly away, leveling him with a stare he hopes is as serious and genuine as Felix feels. 

“Jinnie,” Felix breathes. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you keep having to watch me get myself into danger.” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Hyunjin takes that final half step, closes the distance between them with a gentle touch of his fingers to Felix’s cheek. “I hate knowing that there are people out there who want to hurt you. It’s … it’s so wrong. You’re mine, and I want to keep you with me all the time, anything to keep you safe. But …” Hyunjin pauses, his eyes searching Felix’s face like he’s committing it to memory.

“But … Baby, you’re so strong. You’re in control of your wings, of your instincts, sure, but you also care so much more than anyone I know. I love every part of you, including this part.” 

The hand of Felix’s cheek moves to press lightly on the left side of Felix’s chest. Over his heart. It would be the cheesiest thing in the world if Hyunjin didn’t so obviously mean it. 

“I trust you. That if someone – anyone – shows up, you will get the fuck out of here, or freeze time, or slit their throat. Right? Promise me that. Please.” 

Felix blinks. Tears pool in his eyes. 

Then he throws his arms around Hyunjin; not just his arms, his entire weight. Hyunjin catches him, because Felix knew he would. 

“I love you so much,” Felix says against his neck. “I can’t wait to keep loving you tomorrow, and tomorrow, and every day after that.” 

Hyunjin hugs him, somehow tighter. “Never getting rid of me.”

“Never ever.” 

Hyunjin pulls back. His eyes are misty. “We’re gonna be backstage the whole time, we don’t go on for a couple acts. If something goes wrong, give us a signal. But stay hidden.” 

“Of course,” Felix promises.

“But,” Hyunjin hesitates. “Lix, if someone finds you? You fight. Fight like you’ve never fought before.” 

And Felix feels his wings, warm and ready, against his back. He grins. 

“On it.” 

---

They separate like the very muscles of their hearts are tearing in the process. Felix is passed from member to member, hug to hug, but eventually, the six slip back into the hallway, and Felix and Minho are left alone. 

“Ready?” Felix asks. Minho looks pale as he walks to the ladder. 

“No,” he admits. “It’s stupid - I literally had a gun pulled on me, flew across Seoul, and this is still the scariest thing that’s happening to me.” 

“Because those other things happened to you,” Felix points out. “This is something you’re doing yourself.” 

“Ah, remember who’s hyung here, yeah?” Minho scoffs. “Don’t get all wise on me.” 

“Okay,” Felix huffs. “ Pabo .” 

The teasing words do their job of distracting Minho, and when his hyung shoots him a faux-offended glare, his cheeks are a little less ashen. 

To his credit, Minho rips the bandage off. One second he’s on the ground, the next he’s scaling the ladder – it’s stilted, likely due to the pain still coursing through his body, but he reaches the top more quickly than Felix expected. Felix shoves the metal pole halfway down the side of his pant leg, ensuring that it will be adequately held by the cinch of his belt, and climbs after him. 

The catwalk is quiet, dark, and cool. It’s almost peaceful. Felix rises to his feet shakily, but Minho pulls him down. 

“What?” 

“Wait,” Minho reminds him. “Someone’s going to come check on that Bell before the show starts, and they need to not see us.” 

Felix scans the grid pattern of walkways. They’re currently directly next to the ladder, but he spots one walkway that juts into a dead end, downstage and towards the audience. 

“There.” 

Felix crouches while he walks, Minho crawling at his side. They hunch down as far back as they can go, shoulders of their stage outfits pressed together so tightly that it would hurt if not for the comfort it provided. Felix glances down; they’re so high up, and from this spot, he can see the slow-filling rows of chairs, the circles of tables reserved for those performing or nominated. 

Time passes slowly, but too quickly at the same time. The sounds of the audience filling are a disorienting mumble, and Felix can hear staff barking last minute orders from the wings. 

No sooner have they pressed themselves into the shadowy corner of railings than there’s a metallic clanging; it grows louder, achingly similar to the sound of the chains from the clamp, but just before Felix’s panic can crest into something uncontrollable, a head appears – not at the ladder entrance they’d scaled, but at one on the other side of the stage. 

Felix takes Minho’s hand, finds a similar clamminess in his palm as well. 

The agent stares at the chain that holds the bell aloft. It loops through a pulley, across the stage ceiling, and through a second pulley, no doubt stretching down to a mechanism by which it could be lowered. The agent gives the chain a tug, then lifts a walkie talkie to his ear. 

“Test it.” 

A distant sound of gears turning. Felix stifles a yelp behind his hand as the chain tightens, then moves, and with it, the Bell lowers. 

“Good,” the agent says. The movement ceases but Felix’s heart is still in his throat. “Where’s Jung?” 

A second voice, presumably the agent below who triggered the pulley mechanism, crackles over the walkie. “Heading back to Front of House. The Hunters were a false lead. I don’t need to tell you that he’s in a foul mood. This has to go seamlessly, or it’s all of our heads.” 

“And the boy?”

For a moment, Felix assumes he is the boy, but the agents and Jung have always referred to him as an object: the Angel; it. 

Yeong-su. 

Felix’s chest tightens. Despite the betrayal he’s held towards Yeong-su, the events of the last hour have refigured Felix’s view of Yeong-su. He can’t imagine what Yeong-su went through, what he’s grasped so far has been nightmarish, but to be a pawn at the hands of your own father?  

Please be okay, please be okay- 

“Missing,” responds someone over the walkie. “It’s all eyes out for him. Dead or alive.” 

“I’d choose dead,” the agent growls. Felix feels his wings strain in fear, in protest. Minho squeezes his hand a little more tightly. 

“Yeah well-” 

Whatever the other agent was going to say is cut off by a screech of static. A third voice enters the conversation. 

“ We no longer have the Angel and the stray in captivity. I repeat, the Angel and stray have escaped- ”

“Fuck!” The agent curses. Felix tries to shrink further into the shadows. 

“Do you hear that?” comes the second voice over the walkie. “Jesus Christ, this fucker is gonna be the death of me. I don’t know why we couldn’t just kill him when we had the chance-”

“Mind your mouth,” the first snaps. “What are the odds he ran?” 

“Unlikely,” the second says. 

Immediately, the third voice confirms it in a staticky growl. “ News of the Hunters presumed intentional interference by the Angel. Permission granted to shoot but not to kill. I repeat, shoot, do not kill-” 

Felix bites down on the meat of his thumb and ducks his head in his knees. He wants the agent to go away. He wants to stop the bell. He wants to slice his feathers across Jung’s throat-

“Shh,” Minho whispers, barely a noise and more of an escape of breath, against Felix’s ear. He draws calming circles across Felix’s shoulders. 

Felix forces himself to breathe, to focus; the members will go on, and the agent will go away, and they will stop the bell, and then … and then… 

“He’s gone,” Minho whispers. Felix lifts his head – sure enough, the agent has disappeared. 

“Wait until-” 

Felix was going to until the music starts, but at that very moment it does – in a noise so startling and loud that Felix nearly topples backward. He immediately pulls the headphones off of his neck, turns them on, and shoves them over his ears. 

“– opening act thirty seconds … twenty …–”

What frequency will the Kids be on? Do they even have their in-ears in place yet? He turns to Minho who is fiddling with the buttons on the side, alternately clicking and holding the cup of the headphones up to his own ear. He must find the station he’s looking for because he hits Felix in the arm and points to one of the buttons, labelled channel 4. Felix quickly clicks the same button and-

“ -anyone there? This is, uh, Han, confirming that some people are listening? I repeat, this is Han- ”

Felix’s fingers scramble along the side of the headphones until he finds the button that will allow him to answer. 

“We’re here,” Felix says quietly. 

“ Jesus it’s loud up there! Fuck, okay, good – Chan!”

A moment later, Chan’s voice fills Felix’s ears, warm and calming and perfect. “Hey you two. Did you do it yet?” 

“Not yet, the music just started,” Minho says. 

“Be careful, okay? I - shit, we’ve gotta get ready for places. Love you. ” 

“Love you,” Minho and Felix parrot. 

The line goes quiet. 

The music is cacophonous as it builds from ambient background noise to the intro of a song, and all Felix can do is press the headphones more firmly against his ears and his body closer to Minho’s. The spotlights bleed across the stage and into the audience, and while Felix and Minho are still hidden in the shadows, the lights highlight just how high above the stage they are. 

Felix forces himself to scan the wings of the stage. It’s obvious who the stagehands are – they wear headsets similar to the one he has on his head, carry clipboards and walkies and watch the strobing lights like their very lives depend on the moving beams remaining in sync. Felix shuffles and turns to look out at the crowd. 

And there, at the back of the crowd, are the agents. Felix recognizes their uniforms, and even though they’ve foregone the facemasks, their expressions are stony, undeniably angry in contrast with an event that should be fun. They stand out from the regular bodyguards, who while serious in expression, tap their toes to the music and allow themselves to smile as the opening act goes on. 

With the music and sound at a deafening level and all eyes on the opening number (a performance from a foreign idol group that Felix thinks he might vaguely recognize), Felix doesn’t feel nearly as nervous about being seen. He taps Minho on the shoulder, hopes he’s adequately translating are you okay to start moving? with a slow blink of his eyes, and, upon receiving a nod in return (as shaky as it might be), begins to shuffle at a crouch down the catwalk. The structure is sturdy, but it’s still a series of suspended walkways, and even Felix – who has thrown himself off of cliffs for fun – finds himself clinging to the railings with desperation. 

The Bell is chained to the center of the ceiling, the chain looping through a pulley that spans to the left side of the stage. Felix and Minho pause beneath it, squinting through the darkness. At this proximity, the energy pulses over his body in waves, the inherent call of it like something physical entering his blood stream.

Minho taps him several times and then points at the loop right above their heads. The chain winds through it easily. Felix fishes the metal pole from beneath his clothing. He stands on tiptoe and manages to thread the pole between the links of the chains, through the loop, and through another chain link for good measure. 

This doesn’t feel like enough.  

Minho is tugging at his wrist, and Felix lets him guide them back to their hiding spot, but he can’t help but feel like they should be doing so much more. This is the plan the Bureau has been gearing up for, after all, and it being thwarted by something as simple as a metal pole-

“Felix?” 

Felix jumps so violently at the new voice that he has to hold onto the railing to catch his balance. Behind him, Minho immediately steadies him with firm hands at his waist. Before Felix can so much as open his mouth, a body pops up from the ladder’s opening. 

“Fuck, Yeong-su,” Felix gasps in relief. He barely lets Yeong-su crawl out from the ladder before he’s pulling the other Angel into his arms. “I was so worried-”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” Yeong-su rasps, voice right by his ear to be audible above his voice. “I didn’t know if you’d still want to talk to me, and I was scared-” 

“It’s okay,” Felix cuts him off immediately, then pulls away, mouths the words again so that Yeong-su is forced to see the sincerity in Felix’s eyes. “It’s okay.” 

Yeong-su is dressed in all black, a Bureau agent’s uniform if Felix had ever seen one. He’s lacking any kind of firearm, but a thick, heavy-looking baton is strapped to his side. 

“Stole it,” Yeong-su says. “Hiding in plain sight, right?” 

His eyes drift to the Bell, then to the chain. He pokes at the metal pole. “Was this you two?” 

“Yeah,” Minho nods. “Now, we wait.” 

Yeong-su stares at the Bell again. Does he feel the same siren pull that Felix does? Can he, even now, imagine how purely its peal would ring?

Felix is half-inclined to ask when the walkway whines beneath their feet. Felix’s wings prickle beneath their wrappings, and he turns just in time to see an agent approaching, taser raised towards Minho. 

Time slows – not fully, not like it had so many other times – but it’s enough that Felix can yank Minho towards and behind him. The agent blinks, his only show of surprise, when Minho is no longer inches away from him. 

He glares, not at Felix, but at Yeong-su. 

“Your father thought you might do something stupid!” He hisses, gesturing to the metal pole. “I have to admit, I didn’t think it would be this stupid.” 

With that, the agent grabs the metal pole and, with a grunt, tugs it from its spot jammed amongst the chain. Felix whimpers low in his throat, whereas Yeong-su bares his teeth like he wants nothing more than to rip out the man’s flesh. He probably knows him, probably watched this man observe his suffering and do nothing to help. 

“Where is Jung?” Felix asks. 

“Watching,” is all he says. “Just like him .” 

The word is coded, odd, and Felix is about to ask what he means when Yeong-su yelps. Felix barely catches a glimpse of a second agent, the him in question, who must have been stealthily creeping along the furthest walkway while the rest of them were distracted. 

A strong, heavy bass thrums at the exact moment the agent’s baton cracks against Yeong-su’s shoulder, drowning out his scream. Felix knows that bass, knows that sound – had been there when Chan absently found fiddled with a keyboard preset, warped the tone down and low; he’d said it reminded him of Felix’s voice.

Now, though, it’s the worst sound Felix has ever heard. Because he sees teh way the agents’ gazes are pulled downward, sees the way they grin knowingly. 

And in that split second of distraction, the one behind Yeong-su pulls out a gun. Felix scrambles to grab Minho’s arms, trying desperately to angle him in any way that would prevent him from being hit by a bullet. 

“Not so powerful like this, huh?” He goads. He tilts the gun towards the stage. “Sure would be bad if one of your little members got hit, huh?” 

His back burns . 

“Over my dead body,” Felix hisses. He lets that burning shoot to the very tips of his wings. He mentally apologizes to the stylists, and then allows the feathers to sharpen and slice perfect slits through the garment. His wings explode to either side of his body, sharp and furious and beautiful. “Or yours, I’m not picky.” 

The agents look, finally, startled. They expected a feeble little creature, wings withered and muscles untrained. They’re getting something different. 

“Fuck this,” the agent with the taser steps forward. He moves his arm, not towards Felix, but towards Minho–

Help me help him. 

The ensuing silence is just as deafening as the music had been. Felix leaps forward, drags Yeong-su behind him; he plucks the gun from the first agent’s grip, then the taser. The former he pushes into Yeong-su’s frozen, still open hands, and the latter he keeps for himself. 

Below him, the members are mid-dance. He can’t help himself – he leans over the railing. Jisung is singing, eyes a little cocky, posture wide and proud, while Changbin crouches by his side. Chan is behind them both, prepped for his part in the chorus, while Seungmin and Jeongin flank him. 

And Hyunjin is crouched on the other side of Jisung, but his eyes are skyward – dark and searching. Felix has the inane urge to wave, to call to him, so say I love you one more time. 

“Never getting rid of me,” he says to the silence instead. Hoping that somehow, some way, the words will transcend the rules of time and gravity, will settle into Hyunjin’s heart like an echo. 

He stands straight, positions his finger over the tasers trigger with the other end firmly against the agent’s torso, and lets the sound, the crowd, and time itself crash into him again. 

Electricity crackles above the noise, and the agent closest to them goes down in a heap. It’s fast, but not so fast that the other agent can do more than react before he, too, is collapsing beside him. 

The metal pole roles out of his hand, across the catwalk’s metal surface, and tumbles off of the edge and into the wings. 

Just in time for Stray Kid’s first song to end to raucous applause. 

“No!” Felix hisses. 

“Shit,” Minho curses. 

This is bad, this is bad, this is so, so bad. 

“What do we do?” Yeong-su asks. 

“We need something else to jam it!” Felix is panicking now. “I need to go back down-”

“You’re not going anywhere, not with those wings!” Minho reminds him. “I’ll go, I’m sure I’ll be able to find something-” 

Felix turns, walks the length of the walkway just to have something to do. His eyes scan the crowds, illuminated only by the stage lights. Several tables are empty, Stray Kid’s amongst them, as well as ATEEZ’s, and chairs that he knows should be full are sparer than normal. But there’s still so many people. Felix’s eyes narrow in on one of the rows, and his heart stops. 

He’d recognize that pink hair anywhere. 

“Dai,” he breathes, though the whisper is lost to the roar of the crowd. “Fuck, it’s Dai-” 

He turns back, but Minho has clearly seen him too. 

“Hyung,” Felix says once. He’s not sure what he’s going to follow it up with, only that his tone then, that gut-punched Hyung has only ever preceded desperate pleas. Hyung, don’t let them kick me out; Hyung, I can’t eat; Hyung, I’m so sorry, believe me-

The next song starts, and he freezes; for a moment, he’s not entirely sure why. It takes a moment for the music to build, for Felix to realize that he’s hearing a peculiar sound above the just the intro to God’s Menu. 

Suddenly, he remembers performing at Kingdom; remembers the silly handheld bell, the mashup of music. 

Suddenly, he’s hearing clinking. 

He and Minho practically run to the other side of the catwalk, the whole thing whining along with their movement. In the wings, backup dancers hold massive mallets. Below them, Changbin is front and center, ready to begin his rap. 

But above them, the Bell starts to move. It starts to lower. 

Felix can picture it now – the Bell lowering, Stray Kids themselves hesitating in dawning horror, the backup dancers no doubt cued to hit it at a certain point; Because of course Jung would do this while Stray Kids was performing. Fuck twisting the knife, he’s just creating a brand new stab wound. 

A distraction. They need a distraction – they need something that will get the crowd moving, make the lives of the Agents more difficult, maybe convince the Angels who lingered to make their ways to the basement. But the Bureau won’t stop , they’ll chase after the crowds, they’ll hit the bell themselves if needed – Felix needs something that the agents fear more than they want blood, feathers, and magic.

It hits him as he watches the dozens of press hovering at the base of the stage.

“The more people who know about me…” Felix says.

“What?” Minho asks. 

Yeong-su, though, his eyes light up. 

Chan had said it himself. We’ve talked so much about the dangers of being seen by the wrong person, but I started thinking about the flip side, you know? People from the Bureau who know who you are, they don’t need a billboard to recognize you. If you went missing, there would be an uproar. Private investigators, police forces, everyone in Seoul would be fighting to get you back.

“Everyone who wants to kill me already knows,” Felix says again. “Because if I went missing, people would notice.” 

All this secrecy. All this hiding. He was protecting himself, sure, but he was also protecting the Bureau, the Hunters, their crimes. 

“It’s their biggest protection,” Yeong-su says. “The fact that the Angels are too scared of them to go public…” 

Other Angels had no choice – their disappearances were noticed by people who loved them, sure, but the cases still ran cold. And those who survive? They know that being seen by the wrong person, even once, is at best a quick death. 

Felix turns to Minho. 

“I need it to go dark. It’s time that I have the upperhand. Call them, tell Jeongin that as soon as I’m done, he needs to trigger the fire alarm-” 

“Done with what?” Minho asks, pleading. “Bbokie, done with what ?” 

“There’s nowhere left for me to hide. No where I can go where they won’t keep looking for me,” he takes Minho's hands in his and squeezes tight. “And … and Minho, please tell someone to get Dai. He’s too close to his maturation, he can’t survive-” 

“We’ll get him,” Minho nods, already fiddling with his headset. 

“I love you,” Felix says, and it doesn’t taste like goodbye this time. It’s a reminder. A see you later – a see you soon. 

“I’ll be behind you,” Yeong-su promises. 

“Good.” 

Felix calls to his wings, to the very fibers of his feathers. He feels as they spread like fingers, desperate for air, for flight. 

He braces his foot on the railing, facing the crowd, the swarm of agents at the back of the stage and the hundreds of faces  watching, unaware; who knows how many might be in danger. 

And then, he pushes himself up and over the railing. 

He falls for maybe a second, and then the air catches beneath his wings; for a moment, he is weightless, frozen in the middle of the air, golden beneath the spotlight and the Bell alike. He watches the people in the crowd – those he can make out at least – gasp in awe, in excitement at what they clearly perceive to be a twist in the performance. 

He looks to Dai. Dai, whose eyes are huge as they study Felix’s wings. His hand rises to his back, a puzzle piece of his own clicking with certainty.

Felix angles himself, soars down towards Changbin who looks shocked, but also wordlessly lifts his microphone. The music stops immediately, leaving them only with the muted gasps and mutterings of the crowd. 

Felix doesn’t land. He flaps his wings slowly, just enough to keep him aloft, and raises the microphone to his mouth. 

Feedback screeches through the room. He presses his fingers to his pulse point. 

“My name is Lee Felix, and I’m not here to perform. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. Two months ago, something happened to me – I got very sick, and no one knew what was going on except one person. They told me I was maturing into an Angel.” 

There’s a low ripple of confused chatter. Felix clears his throat again. 

“I know. I didn’t believe it either, but here I am – still me but with wings, with magical instincts I’m learning to understand day to day.” 

“It was never my intention to tell you this. My identity as Angel was meant to be a secret because there are people in the world who want to hurt people like me. About three weeks ago, our member Lee Minho was supposedly kidnapped – he wasn’t. That was me. He lied to protect me. I was taken and tortured for my blood, my feathers, my magic. I barely escaped. Two weeks later, a different group tried to take me – they’ve been kidnapping trainees for years, flagging us as potential angels. They’re organized and they don’t see us as human beings, but as cattle.” 

The agents at the back of the room start to move, hesitant as their movements may be. Felix can hear the shakiness in his breath as it reverberates around the venue.  

“I’m telling you this now because they’re here tonight. The Bureau is here tonight, and they have a plan to use the Bell above me to lure Angels out of hiding. If you have any idea what I’m talking about – if you even suspect you might be one of us – I’m begging you to hide, to stay safe. Find a room in this building, lock the doors, because the Bell will call for you. It’s your right to hide. It was mine too. But now – I’m begging for public outcry. The only thing more dangerous than being known as Angel is only being known by the people who want to hurt me.”

The murmuring is reaching an anxious pitch. Felix scans the crowd, praying against all else that this will work, that no one will die – tonight, or weeks from now.  

“So if I, or anyone else in this building go missing, tonight or a week from now or even months, it wasn’t accidental, and it wasn’t running. It was kidnapping; and then it will be torture. People need to know, and be ready to fight for us.” 

Felix looks down. The members are staring up at him in what Felix could only describe as awe. Minho jogs over to them hardly a second later, smiling proudly as Jisung loops an arm around his shoulders. Hyunjin beams, winks up at him. 

Felix lowers the microphone and looks at Jeongin. “Now!” 

Jeongin bolts just as all of the lights go off. 

For a brief moment, Felix can only stare into the sudden darkness. 

And then he notices – amongst the darkness are starshine-dots of gold. They wink back at him, twinkling. 

Eyes. Angel eyes.

At least fifty, if not more. 

And then a moment later – the fire alarm blares. It’s a horrible sound, screaming through the space, amplified by the design of the arena. Daunting red strobe lights accompany it, rhythmically revealing an incoming wave of agents.

Agents … but also security guards. Their bodyguards are among them. Ready to fight for Felix, for the Angels, for their own individual idol groups.  

The screaming starts after the first shot. 

Felix lifts the microphone to his lips. “RUN!” 

The crowd swarms. They run to the back exits, up to the wings – a sentient mass of pushing bodies. 

Felix finally drops to the ground, and Chan is upon him in a minute, arms pulling him up and remaining wrapped around his shoulder. 

“Where is everyone!” he’s yelling. “One, two, three - where’s Hyunjin !” 

“What?” Felix gasps. His heart is going to explode in his chest, he just knows it, and the sudden rush of adrenaline is agonizing. He turns, scanning the wings of the stage as bodies flood it – some staff, some audience members clambering for an escape, some dressed in tactical black, but none of them beautiful and lovely with a mole under their eye-

“There!” Jisung tugs Felix’s arm towards the crowd. Hyunjin is jumping over rows of emptying seats towards a bottleneck in the back, towards Dai and the babies. 

“Oh, Jinnie,” Felix whispers to himself. 

“What do we do?” Changbin yells. “The agents are getting closer-” 

“So is the Bell,” Seungmin gasps. 

Felix sees his roommate staring above their heads; he doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to see what he knows must be causing that horrified look on Seungmin’s face. 

But he does. 

The Bell is lowering. 

And agents are nearly upon the stage. 

“What’s going on?” 

Wooyoung appears with the rest of ATEEZ on his heels. Joy and relief and horrible fear crashes against Felix’s chest like a battering ram. 

“The Bureau,” Felix pants, then points towards the source of golden glow above their heads. “The Bell. Hyung, you shouldn’t be here-” 

“And yet I am,” Wooyoung says. “They’re my people too.”

His eyes flash gold in time with Felix’s. 

“Help me get people out of here,” Felix says. “There’s a basement, right-?” 

“I can show you!” Jisung says. “Minnie and I, we can help-”

“Good!” Felix nods. “Go. Get as many people out of here and to the basement as you can!” Felix yells. 

“Okay,” Jisung nods. “Minnie, c’mon-” 

“Are you sure?” Seungmin asks Felix. “I don’t want to leave you.” 

Seungmin, his roommate, the first one to notice, to believe-

“You can do this,” Felix says sternly. “Go.” 

“I can try to stop the agents, Lix, the ones who are lowering the Bell” Changbin says. His jaw is tight, his muscles visibly tensed beneath his shirt. “Give you time.”  

“They have guns, hyung!” Felix says. 

“Yeah, me too, huh?” Changbin grins and has the audacity to flex. Felix feels the thread between them glow. 

“Be careful.” 

“C’mon, Innie,” Changbin tells Jeongin, and then they’re both running for the wings, to try to delay the agent who must be manually lowering the chain.

“Lix?” Chan asks. 

Chan stares at him like he’s the sun, and Felix feels that faith building hot and loved at the center of his back. 

“I can’t ask you to fight,” Felix says. 

“You don’t have to,” Chan says. “But you can ask for someone to watch your back. I’m not gonna leave you behind, remember?” 

Felix feels the promise settle into his stomach like a hot mug of cocoa, like a warm winter day, like sun-baked sand. 

Hyunjin’s presence in the crowd is a pull stronger than the Bell.

Time flickers. His wings tingle with insistent attention, somewhere behind him-

Felix turns just in time to kick an agent in the center of the stomach. 

The agent flies backward, head hitting the ground in a grotesque thud. 

Chan raises his brow, then grins. “Show them who’s boss, angel.” 

Though security is there, the agents are targeting Felix and, he assumes, the spot where the Bell will land. Felix feels every thrum of power flood his body, lets himself open the well of anger, allows every fear and horror and moment of panic from the past two months sear the very surface of his being, and he thinks only of his members as he begins to fight back. 

Taser in one hand, knives on his back – Felix takes to the air and attacks like a bird of prey. He trained blindfolded, trained to rely on his instincts – the agents did not. Felix listens to the prickling tug of awareness from his instincts as he swoops and dives through the pulsing air. Bodies drop with every jolt of electricity, and when they don’t, Felix lets his feathers slice. He tries, however stupidly, to avoid actually killing anyone, but he knows he’s doing serious damage – cutting through tendon, through muscle, the very same thing Wooyoung and Minho had to do to save his life. The agents keep coming, but the flow of people from the audience is dwindling, and venue and idol security alike is facing off with a horde of agents still trapped in the audience. 

Through it all, Felix steals glances towards Hyunjin; Hyunjin, who has Dai wrapped tightly against his body, who is half-carrying him across rows of empty seats, pushing their way through the bottleneck of crowd. Felix loses them when they approach the wings, can only hope that Hyunjin gets himself and Dai to safety. 

Changbin and Innie have one agent backed into a corner, but another is still adamantly lowering the bell. 

“Felix!” Chan screams. Felix turns just in time to see an agent aiming a gun at him; time warps like an oil spill, giving Felix a moment to dodge and Chan a moment to slam a baton over the agent’s head. “Only a little longer!” 

Slice, tase, swoop, pray; Felix does it again and again, until his beautiful white outfit is stained with red, until his wings are white-hot with power and strain alike. 

Until the venue is almost empty. 

Until a stray bullet tears through his left wing. 

Felix howls in pain and crashes to the ground in a heap. The pain is electric, agony, pulsing through his body; he looks down at his wings through blurry vision – the bullet cut clean through the feathers, not near the base of his wing, not the meat – Thank God – but through cartilage. Ruby-red blood bubbles up and drips down the feathers. Chan yells and is at his side in a moment. 

“I’m okay,” Felix promises. “I’m okay-” 

“You got shot,” Chan says as he helps him to his feet. “You’re bleeding, Lix-” 

“I can keep going,” Felix says. “I have to.” 

He turns when his wings prickle again and slices an approaching agent at the legs despite the pain that rips through his body. The agent drops with a scream, and once the sound’s echo dwindles, Felix realizes that it’s quieter, so much quieter. How many Agents has he felled? How many are left? 

So few left. Just a few more. 

Save them, save them, save them- 

“Well look at what we have here.” 

The voice cuts through the sirens, through the barely-there sounds of distant fighting, through the black-blue tidal wave fear. 

Felix rises on trembling legs. 

At first, he can’t make out what he’s looking at – a body in the dark of the wing; several bodies, maybe, difficult to see amongst the strobing red lights. 

And then a body tumbles onto the floor. Pink haired. Pale. Golden eyes look up, scared, hands clawing at the floor. Dai groans at the force with which he lands, blinking blearily in Felix’s direction. 

Jung walks forward slowly. In one hand, he holds a gun. 

The other arm is wrapped around a neck. 

Hyunjin’s neck. 

For a moment, Felix can’t put it together. Hyunjin. Jung. A gun. A gun against Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin near a gun. 

No. 

“What the fuck have you done,” Jung snarls. His eyes on the Bell, at the agents on the floor, at the empty audience.

“Protected them,” Felix hisses back. “And maybe I outed you in the process.” 

He takes a single step forward, and Jung presses the gun more firmly against Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin whimpers, eyes wide, searching, locked on Felix like he’s the only thing left. 

And maybe he is – the thought terrified Felix. 

“Don’t you dare move, Yongbok,” Jung commands. “You want him to live most of all, don’t you? Your little Hyunjinnie.” 

“ Don’t fucking touch him, ” Felix snarls uselessly. 

“It’s okay, Angel,” Hyunjin says. Jung grunts and tightens his hold around Hyunjin’s neck, making him choke. 

His wings flare open; his vision is so gold that it’s almost painful. 

Jung throws his head back and laughs. His foot kicks to the side, finding the center of Dai’s shoulders. Dai screeches in pain. 

“At least I’ll get one,” Jung cackles, glancing down at Dai. “He’ll be so fun to break- ”

Felix feels all of the rage rush to his wings. His back is on fire, but so is he. 

Because Jung is pointing a gun at Hyunjin. His Hyunjin.

“Don’t pretend you have anything left in you. Don’t pretend those fragile little excuses for wings can keep this up for much longer.” He takes another step forward, dragging Hyunjin over Dai’s limp body. “Don’t pretend you , of all people, can save any of them.” 

“I can,” Felix growls. “And I will .” 

“Oh really?”

Jung moves the gun, points it not at Hyunjin, not at Dai, not at Chan behind his shoulder or Changbin and Jeongin, still wrestling with a growing group of agents, and not even at Felix. 

He points it at the Bell.  

Because the Bell is on the ground now. 

Help me help them, help me help them-

The gun goes off before time can slow; Hyunjin dives forward to Dai, wraps those beautiful long fingers around his ears, looks up at Felix with a plea on his lips-

But there’s no pealing of the Bell, no otherworldly note –

There’s the sound of something wet, then a soft, resigned “oh” from Felix’s left – the sound Yeong-su makes when the bullet hits him in the stomach. Then silence. Silence as Yeong-su’s leap across the stage is bookended with the thud of his feet on the ground.

Yeong-su stares at his stomach. He presses his hands to his abdomen. Blood gurgles between his fingers. 

“No,” Felix breathes. 

Yeong-su looks up. He smiles tremulously at Felix. It looks like an apology, but not one Yeong-su is particularly sorry for. 

Then he looks at Jung, at his father, at the man whose own wings were torn from his back and whose sons’ he starved without an ounce of remorse. 

“You tortured me,” Yeong-su says; his voice is surprisingly strong given the amount of blood seeping from the gunshot. “You tortured me for years. But now, you’re killing me impurely. ” 

“Yeong-su,” Jung barely breathes. His hand is still aloft, the gun still pointed and trembling, but a dawning realization makes his eyes look almost cloudy.

Yeong-su chuckles, a breathy laugh that manages to cut through the fire alarm. “For years I’ve watched the way you drain Angels of their magic. And I’ve heard the way the Bureau scientists have bragged about it – the perfect way to get magic without botching the batch.” 

“Don’t,” Jung breathes. 

Yeong-su smiles. “Funny, isn’t it? You always said the wings were bad blood, a curse on our family." 

He takes another step back, so close to the bell, glances over his shoulder with a confidence Felix has never seen him hold before. No, not confidence – independence. Independence for the first time. A choice of his own. 

“NO!” Jung wails. 

But Yeong-su has to do nothing but fall. He raises his arms like the wings he might have kept, turns, and falls against the Bell. 

Even just the weight of a body against the Sanctus Bell whispers at its power. Felix slams his palms against his ears, Chan’s hands cupping over his own a second later, and watches Hyunjin all but encase Dai’s prone body with his own, his hands still wrapped around Dai’s head. It’s not a true ring, but the metallic hum still blows Felix’s vision golden, still calls to him. His wings shiver and twitch and Chan hooks a leg around Felix’s ankle in case he starts moving.

But then … it goes dull. Flat. The hint at the perfect note twists into something tinny and hollow, nothing alluring left. Felix watches in horror as Yeong-su’s blood doesn’t just spill onto the metal, but is absorbed into it. The glow of the Bell flickers like a corrupted computer, and he can only stare as the golden glimmer fades away until all that’s left is a dull metal.

Yeong-su collapses against the bell, his body curved around the rim of it. 

“No!” Felix yells. “No, no – Hyung!” 

He turns to Chan, who is watching the whole scene in absolute horror. His head snaps up at Felix’s plea. 

“Get help, please-” 

Chan takes off in a heartbeat – and Chan was always fast. 

“No, no, that imbecile!” Jung screams. He runs to Yeong-su’s body and tears it uncaringly away from the Bell, his hands instead splaying against the bronze, those beautiful swirls. 

And then he turns, his entire face transformed from would-be calm, narcissistic professional to ugly, monstrous rage. 

“What have you done!” he screams at Felix. “What right do you have to take what power I deserved-” 

“Deserved?” Felix laughs. A cold sharp slice against the sirens and silence. “You are a monster, Jung. You never deserved your wings.” 

Jung’s lips curl. He looks at the gun in his hand, raises it towards Hyunjin-

And Felix snaps. 

“He’s mine!” Felix screams. 

The power explodes out of him – and Felix has no clue he had anything left to give, but memories slam through his mind in an instant: Hyunjin on that first day, pantomiming to Felix where language failed; Hyunjin, painting him at three in the morning after their debut, accidentally using pink instead of yellow and giggling like a mad man; Hyunjin, curling away from everyone after his hiatus, mouth a flat line until Felix camped out beneath his bed with a fresh batch of brownies, until that flat line crooked into a smile, then tear-crumpled frown. 

Hyunjin, hurt from his lies, then accepting of his honestly; Hyunjin stroking his feathers with devotion, but no more devotion than he pays to Felix’s freckles; Hyunjin kissing him breathless, stealing the very air from Felix’s lungs in moans and laughs alike.  

Felix is across the stage in a flash, time stopping without him even having to call for it, and his wings are knives at his back before his feet have even touched the ground. Jung tears his gaze away from Hyunjin and Dai, a choked, bitter growl rising in his throat, before Felix whips his wing forward. 

Jung gasps, jumps back, but the longest of Felix’s feathers slices against his arm at the last second. The fabric tears immediately, and bright red blood immediately blooms against his skin, soaking into the black fabric. 

“Get away from him,” Felix hisses. He doesn’t feel the pain in his shot wing, doesn’t feel the rapid depletion of his magic. There is only fear and grief and rage and the realization that Hyunjin hasn’t even flinched, that he trusts Felix with every ounce of his mortal life. 

Felix grabs Jung by the shoulders and pins him to the ground with such ferocity that the wood beneath them cracks. When Jung blinks his eyes open, they’re golden. 

“Gonna kill me, little Angel?” Jung whispers. 

“No,” Felix says. “They’ll need to interrogate someone, after all?” 

“Still soft,” Jung coughs weakly. “Too soft.” 

“No,” Felix says again. “I’m braver than you’ll ever be.”

Felix presses the taser against Jung’s side, presses the trigger, and doesn’t let go. 

---

The second Jung’s eyes slide shut, the second his body goes limp, Felix’s follows. All of the fight, the flying, the sheer amount of instincts he’s pulled from, takes an immediate toll, and he crumples to the ground next to Jung. 

“Lix!” 

Hyunjin is at his side in an instant. Felix pants, chest heaving, and raises a hand to Hyunjin’s cheek. 

“Are you hurt?” he whispers. “Please, tell me you’re not hurt-” 

“Angel,” Hyunjin coos softly. He brushes Felix’s sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes. “I’m okay. No one even touched me-” 

“Pointed a gun at you,” Felix protests. “That’s not allowed.” 

Hyunjin smiles; shaky, but there. “You made that clear, Angel.”  

Felix blinks, tilts his head back. The air is hazy with smoke and water – he realizes, only then, that sprinklers must have been steadily raining upon them. He swears he can smell the scent of blood thick in the air 

“You’re hurt,” Hyunjin growls lowly. His fingers trace the feathers furthest away from the gunshot. Felix will survive, but it doesn’t matter to Hyunjin – someone hurt Felix. That is crime enough. 

“You’re alive,” Felix whispers back. 

A different chorus of sirens join the staccato wails of the fire alarms. Felix smiles. 

“Help?” 

“So much help,” Hyunjin promises. Another stroke of his feathers, another brush of fingers against his freckles. “You saved them all, Lixie.” 

“We did,” Felix says. His eyelids are heavy. 

“Is Yeong-su? Dai?” 

“They’ll be okay, Baby,” Hyunjin whispers. “I’ve got you. You just rest.” 

Felix drags his eyes back to Hyunjin’s, back to that soft smile; those dark eyes. That mole. 

“I’ve got you,” Hyunjin promises again. 

Felix lets his eyes slip shut. 

---

Felix blinks blearily towards awareness to an incessant beeping, soft voices, and the smell of lavender and spearmint. 

It’s bright, wherever he is. He grumbles and turns his face to the side, to a wall of warmth that blocks away the harsh light. The wall bounces slightly with quiet laughter, and then long fingers are carding through his hair. 

“Hyung, can you turn off the lights? Someone’s getting grumpy.” 

Felix can’t quite bring himself to speak. He wants to crawl back into unconsciousness. 

“Hyunjin, stop looking at him like that, it’s nauseating.” 

Hyunjin , Felix thinks. Warmth spreads through his body. 

“Ugh, he’s adorable,” a Believer says.  

“You’re just jealous that he’s all mine, Min.” 

The voices curl around his body in beautiful golden tendrils. 

“Be quiet, let him sleep,” says the very sands of Manly beach. 

“Yeah, my twin deserves rest-” another Sunbeam chimes in. Strength responds.

“And shouldn’t you be resting too, mister tried to punch a wall of muscle- ” 

“It’s just a sprained wrist.” 

Hurt? The Sunbeam is hurt-

“It’s okay, hyung, Ji is just pabo,” says the Bell, pure and pefect. 

“My brave little cat,” says Home. “You’re getting microchipped once you’re better.” 

“Leave him alone,” says Love, and Safety, and Comfort, and Acceptance. “You just sleep, Lixie. We’ll be here when you wake up.” 

I want to kiss you, Felix thinks.  

Love and Safety and Comfort and Acceptance gives a fond chuckle. 

“I want to kiss you too, Lix.”

Notes:

I'm making no promises about when the next chapter will be out -- ideally Thursday, more realistically Friday, but potentially next Monday (things got super busy for me super suddenly)!!

I really really really hope this didn't disappoint <3

[[ also just my thoughts before publishing -- I just don't think Felix would kill anyone. Idk, y'all might dislike it, but it didn't feel true to how I've characterized him at this point (like I think he would if needed to save a member, but if not needed, he would simply ~ maim ~) ]]

[[[also also !! I will respond to all the comments on last chapter, it kept crashing when I tried!!! ]]]

[[[[ okay I swear I'm done ur all amazing !!! ]]]]

Chapter 26: we're gonna go our way to places still unknown

Summary:

The storm breaks, the clouds fade; Felix finds himself glowing in the sunshine of peace at last.

Notes:

I swear my fingers were possessed writing this.

I know I thought I might not get this out today but it just happened so here we are!!!!! No cliff hangers, no big angst time, just the aftermath!

Smut at the end bc I couldn't help myself, look out for the bold. Chapter could easy resolve without the smut so if u stop reading before that sentence ("Felix closes the distance"), you're not missing anything (except for my own depravity!)

When Felix first tries to open his eyes again, the beeping is back, but the lights are dim. Warm, even; and for a moment, he thinks he might be in his room at the apartment, might roll out of bed to find Seungmin already making breakfast, halfway through his second energy drink. 

Except he can’t roll out of bed. He feels like he can barely move his neck. He settles for twitching a finger, then a toe, eyes still half-closed because he wouldn’t mind going back to sleep. 

But the beeping is insistent, and with it, Felix becomes aware of a scent he isn’t prone to smelling at the dorm. A sharp, acrid waft of antiseptic. 

I’m in a hospital. 

Felix gasps into full consciousness. His wings are out at his side, plain to see, and he’s in a hospital, and know one can know-

“Sshh, Bbokie, don’t sit up-” 

He couldn’t sit up even if he wanted to. Instead, he lays flat on his back and blinks through the panic, through a pulsing, glowing gold haze that suddenly robs him of his vision. A gentle hand lands on his head, and he flinches, but the fingers are light and soft as they stroke his hair. 

“Aish, calm for Hyung, take a breath.” 

Minho. 

“C’mon, Bbokie, breathe-” 

Felix closes his eyes and breathes through his mouth, even though the antiseptic still clings to his tongue like a noxious film. If Minho is here, and Minho is calm, then Felix can be both here and calm as well. 

“Good, good, like that.” 

Felix takes a final, long inhale and opens his eyes as he releases it. He is, indeed, in a hospital bed, but there are no gun-wielding Hunters or black-masked agents in sight. He notices the string lights first, hung above his head – the ones from his bedroom with the tiny stars and moons; someone must have brought them. 

“Seungminnie thought you might like them,” Minho catches Felix staring. “The nurses weren’t thrilled, but you’ve got yourself a fairly insistent guard dog.” 

Felix finally musters the courage to turn his head, surprised, but pleasantly so, to find that he’s in no pain; if anything, he feels the stiffness that accompanies oversleeping. Minho is next to him, a definitely-uncomfortable hospital chair pulled to the side of the bed. 

“Hyung,” Felix rasps. Minho’s face pinches and he grabs a cup from the small bedside tray. 

“You’re thirsty,” Minho says. He angles the straw towards Felix, and Felix wouldn’t be able to protest his dependence if he wanted to. “Drink slowly, it’s been a minute.” 

Felix does not drink slowly. The second the water passes his lips, he’s guzzling the liquid down like he’s been dying of thirst. Who knows, maybe he has? But his brain is a foggy wonderland of half-formed memories – strobing red lights, iron-tinged air, blood-covered metal–

“I said slowly, you brat,” Minho tsks with a smile. He wipes away a dribble of water from Felix’s chin. “God, what am I gonna with you Bbokie?” 

“Love me,” Felix answers. 

It was rhetorical, the question; and it’s the truth, the answer. Minho’s teasing grin softens. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” he puts the cup down. “This feels very familiar.” 

He’s referring to Felix’s maturation, because it is achingly familiar. Minho beneath the soft glow of fairy lights, and Felix, bedbound and bleary-eyed. 

“Jinnie?” Felix asks, his voice less gravelly after the hydration. Minho glances over his shoulder with a smirk. 

“See for yourself. Slowly, Bbokie-” 

Felix pushes himself upright on his elbows despite the slight sting of pain in his wing and Minho’s tuts of disapproval. 

And then he smiles. 

Hyunjin is curled onto an armchair in the corner of the room, his long limbs tucked under his body and his arms wrapped in a hug around his shoulders. He’s using a hoodie as a pillow, and Felix can’t help but think that the angle will certainly bother him once he wakes up. On a matching chair adjacent to him is Seungmin, head flopped back and mouth wide open. 

“I took Hyunjinnie’s seat,” Minho explains. “He’s refused to move from it for the past three days – we had to bring Seungminnie in to bully him into changing clothes, at the very least.” 

Felix’s eyes sting immediately with tears. He doesn’t try to stop them, nor disguise them. 

“He wanted to be here when you woke up,” Minho says softly. 

“How long has he slept for?” Felix asks in a whisper. “I want to let him rest, but…” 

“But maybe you let yourself be selfish for a moment, yeah?” Minho asks. Felix nods, and the elder leans over the arm of his seat to poke Hyunjin in the leg. 

“Jinnie-ah, someone wants to talk to you,” Minho coos. 

“G’way, hy’ng,” Hyunjin mumbles. Felix giggles. The sound makes Hyunjin freeze in his dramatic, sleepy protests. 

He opens his eyes slowly; puffy with sleep, dark but sparkly, and looks at Felix. 

And Felix realizes that he’s not a mess of IVs; that he is in no way strapped down to the bed. 

So he practically launches himself out of the bed (and maybe his wing and back hurt a little, but not much!) and into Hyunjin’s arms. 

“Yongbokkie!” Minho groans.

But Minho can shove it, Felix decides – because a moment later, Hyunjin's arms are wrapping around his body, and they’re both shaking with tears, Hyunjin’s own hot and wet against the side of Felix’s head. 

“You’re awake!” Hyunjin whispers, his lips tickling Felix’s ear. “Oh my God, you’re awake!” 

“You’re alive, you’re alive,” Felix can’t stop the words from tumbling from his lips. “Oh my God, I love you, you’re alive-” 

“Ah, Mr. Lee, we really would recommend you stay in bed-” 

“Sorry, Nurse, he’s … honestly, this is really on par for him,” Minho apologizes. 

“He’s stubborn and we’ve long given up trying to control him,” comes Seungmin’s voice, rough with sleep. Felix reaches a hand out desperately in the direction of Seungmin’s voice, grateful when fingers tangle with his own and give a slight squeeze. 

Felix lets them all talk; all he can focus on is the way Hyunjin holds him, like he’s something precious. 

“Jinnie, please put Felix back on the bed,” Minho says tensely. “God, I promised Chan I could handle all of you-” 

“And I said it would be impossible,” Seungmin replies dryly. 

“C’mon, Angel,” Hyunjin breathes into Felix’s ear. “We don’t want to get Hyung in trouble.” 

“Bold faced lie, Hwang,” Minho snorts, but he looks at least slightly relieved when Hyunjin lifts Felix into his arms and carries him back to the bed. 

“Stay,” Felix pleads, looking up at Hyunjin with his widest puppy-dog eyes. Hyunjin blanches, looks at Minho, and Felix redirects his stare at his hyung instead. Minho makes a choked noise. 

“Fine, just don’t crush him,” Minho grumbles. Felix scooches as close to the edge as he can, his injured wing draping over the edge of the mattress so that Hyunjin can just squeeze into the space on his left. 

“Weak, both of you,” Seungmin scoffs. Felix looks at him, smiles, and just to be a bit of a shit, winks. “Yah! You see that!” 

“C’mere, Minnie,” Felix whimpers. Seungmin rolls his eyes but he, too, is helpless to follow and a moment later, Felix is tugging his roommate into a half-crouched hug. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me yet,” Seungmin says. “The others know you’re awake, so it’s about to get loud-” 

The door crashes open. Seungmin pulls away, the nurse, whom Felix is really only just now noticing, jumps, and Hyunjin tightens his arm around Felix’s shoulders. 

“YOU’RE AWAKE!” Jisung yells, and then he’s leaping onto the bed to drape himself over Felix. Felix beams and pulls Jisung tighter against. 

“Han Jisung!” Minho snaps, immediately pinching his boyfriend’s ear until Jisung acquiesces and scrambles back to standing. “You’re in a hospital!” 

Jisung goes bright red when he spots the nurse, bows hastily, his ‘I’m so sorry’s bleeding together is a garbled rush of “Imsosorry, Imsosorry-” 

“It’s okay,” she smiles tightly. “I … your leader warned me about all of you.” 

Chan walks through the door looking positively mortified. “And yet, they still surpass human levels of volume,” he smiles at her. And then, he turns his head to Felix. “Hey, Sunshine.” 

“Hey, Channie-hyung,” Felix sniffles. He tries to blink away the tears, if only so that he can see their faces more clearly, but the battle’s lost before it’s even begun. He drops his face into his hands and sobs. 

“Aish, Bbokie, Chan-hyung’s not that ugly,” Minho rubs small circles on his back. The joke makes Felix laugh, though it comes out as a rather ugly honk. 

“You’re okay, Sunshine,” Chan approaches the bed. Minho shifts to allow the leader to crouch beside Felix. “C’mon, what’s wrong-” 

He gently pulls Felix’s hands away from his face and tilts his chin up, fingers immediately wiping away the tears. 

“Just h-happy,” Felix sniffles. “You’re all he-here.” 

“Where else would we be?” Jisung is sniffling too – the Sunshine twins laugh in sync, but they also tend to cry in sync. 

“Hyung, stop crying,” Jeongin pouts. “You were so badass out there, you’re ruining your image.” 

“Badass out there…” Felix echoes. The pulsing red lights, the splatters of rain and blood across the stage. All the memories crash into his head like a tidal wave, and he sits up so fast that Hyunjin nearly tumbles out of the bed. “Oh my God, Dai! And Yeong-su! Oh my God, are they-” 

The vital signs monitor screeches; immediately the nurse is back, and the Kids move quickly to let her approach. 

“Are you okay, Yongbok?” she asks. 

“J-just remembered,” he whispers. He doesn’t know how to explain, doesn’t know how to force his voice to escape his mouth. But her face immediately softens, and she nods. Like she knows. 

And well … Felix told the world. Icy panic trickles down his spine, his wings pulling instinctively tighter against his body despite the dull throb of pain caused by the movement. Everyone knows, he thinks, just like he’d planned. 

“I’ll give you all some space,” she says calmly as she exits. “If something happens, just let us know.” 

Felix swallows roughly. He studies the members, noticing with horror that Jeongin has a black eye, Changbin a split lip. He whines at the sight of a brace on Jisung’s harm. 

“You should see the other guy,” Jisung says with a grin. 

“We’re all okay,” Changbin promises. “Innie and I really showed those agents who was boss, they’re just lucky they got a couple of jabs in. And Sung … well, for someone who’s actively getting buffer…” 

“I may have forgotten to tuck my thumb when I tried to punch an agent,” Jisung admits. “Jammed my wrist, the brace should come off in a week max.” 

Felix exhales, but it’s shaky. They might be physically fine, but what of their heads? Minho smiles when Felix looks at him, but his hyung was held captive, tased, threatened. And Hyunjin – Hyunjin had a gun to his head-

“Calm down, Sweetheart,” Hyunjin gently links their hands together and Felix immediately takes the opportunity to fiddle with their joined fingers. “Do you want me to tell you what happened, or do you want a break?” he asks softly. 

Felix closes his eyes, holds up his index finger: one. 

“Okay,” and Felix can’t see Hyunjin, but he can hear the soft smile that filters his words all the more sweetly. “First off, everything is okay. We’re all plenty happy that you’re awake, and even though we all feel fine, Dad-hyung over there decided we all get to go to therapy starting next week in case you’re worried about that. We’re all fine, and no one is dead.”

Felix cracks his eyes open at that. No one is dead. It seems too good to be true, almost improbable. He watched Yeong-su’s body slump against the Bell, there was so much blood-

“Well, actually, some agents died,” Hyunjin amends after Chan clicks his tongue. “But no one on our side is dead.” 

“You’re really bad at storytelling,” Seungmin critiques. 

The jab helps to crack through Felix’s shell of panic. Based on Seungmin’s small, proud smile, he knows that was the intent. Hyunjin rolls his eyes. 

“You passed out, I don’t know if you remember-” 

Felix nods. 

“-okay, good, so you remember being the hottest, most badass person in the universe. Not gonna lie, I think Innie and Ji were looking forward to regailing you with the tale-” 

“And I still will,” Jeongin puffs his chest out proudly. That draws a small, watery giggle from Felix.

“That’s enough interrupting,” Chan scolds them fondly. “Go on, Jinnie.” 

“Right,” Hyunjin pulls Felix a bit closer to him. His fingers trace the length of Felix’s arm, up and down, and he sinks easily into the warmth of Hyunjin’s body as he continues. “So, help arrived maybe thirty seconds after you passed out. It was intense, I’ve never seen that many ambulances or police cars in my life. They basically stormed the venue and took every agent into custody, including Jung.” 

The well of anger churns once – not badly, but with triumph. 

“The paramedics came too. It was … it was honestly pretty cool. We were scared about just letting them take Yeong-su and Dai, but Dai’s members and managers were allowed to go with him, and Wooyoung took ATEEZ with Yeong-su. From what they’ve said, the hospital was very transparent and very receptive. Obviously, we got you here too – your wing is fine, already healing itself, but you were clearly exhausted. With everything happening, every group has their schedules on hold, so we’ve just been waiting for you to wake up.” 

Felix tilts his head back against the wall and blinks up at the fairy lights. 

“How long ago was that?” he finally whispers. Hyunjin bites his lip briefly. 

“Three days ago.” 

“Three days!” Felix shoots upright again. He ignores the groans of protest over his sudden movement, but he allows Hyunjin to tug him back against his side. Chan pulls a chair over and sits at Felix’s side, taking one of his hands. 

“You expended all of your energy, Little One,” Chan says softly. “Think about it – you flew yourself and Minho across Seoul, singlehandedly fought off nearly thirty agents, manipulated time a lot, from how I hear it, and saved our Hyunjinnie on top of it all.” 

“You were exhausted, Lixie,” Hyunjin adds. “It would have been weirder if you’d been awake.” 

“Still…” Felix trails off. 

“We all came with you to the hospital,” Seungmin says; he stares at his hands while he speaks, like he’s reading a story of the account rather than remembering it. “Chan bullied the hell out of the paramedics, but he didn't have to do much – everyone had heard what you did, how many people you saved. I think they would have let Jisung drive the ambulance if we insisted it was what you would have wanted.” 

Felix’s cheeks are getting hot, likely contrasting wildly against the white hospital gown. 

“The story’s gone viral, of course,” Chan says. “If you don’t want to watch your speech, I don’t recommend opening any social media apps.” 

“Oh, God,” Felix mumbles, embarrassed. Hyunjin squishes his cheeks. 

“Lix, don’t you get it? The plan worked and then some!” he forces Felix to meet his eyes. “Other Angels are coming forward – other idols, celebrities, from all over the world. There’s a whole fucking taskforce conducting investigations at every entertainment company to find out who might have been working there for Bureau, and they’re reopening cold cases. Once Yeong-su wakes up…” 

“Wakes up?” Felix puffs out his cheeks until Hyunjin’s hands call away from his face. “You said he was okay-” 

“Technically he said no one was dead,” Seungmin points out. Felix glares at him. “Yeong-su is stable, he’s just unconscious. But… He did, in fact, die, Lix. They were barely able to revive him enough to get him on life support. It’ll be a bit longer before he wakes up.” 

“But he will?” Felix pushes. 

“It was touch and go for a little, but they found something that helped. Blood transfusions from, well, from other Angels.” 

“I can go!” Felix sits up again. This time, multiple hands push him down. Felix yelps. “What? If he needs Angel blood, he needs me-”

Seungmin’s pursed lips twitch into a smile. “Oh, Lix, you’re pretty late to volunteering. I think the line’s out the door to give Yeong-su blood.” 

Felix pauses. “What?” 

“Dude,” Jisung grins, “when Hyunjin said you did it, he meant that you were the catalyst that brought hundreds of Angels out of hiding. You’re an inspiration to them, and turns out you all have something in common. A painful need to help.” 

Chan squeezes Felix’s hand again. “After Yeong-su was unresponsive, one of the doctors here had the idea. When he responded to the treatment, Stray Kids and ATEEZ put out a plea. It would be a totally anonymous donation, privacy curtains, no identity confirmation needed beyond a flash of some feathers or a golden circle on a palm.” 

“We had fifty people here the first day,” Changbin grins. “Obviously, Yeong-su doesn’t need that much blood – at this point we’re just waiting for the transfusions to work their magic, pun intended-”

Seungmin groans at the Dad joke. 

“-but the Angels insisted that the hospital should have extra blood on reserve. Now that we know they exist, they deserve to have a treatment option if something goes wrong.” 

Felix shakes his head. His stomach is swirling with something close to hope. 

What was the last time he felt hope?

“And Dai?” He asks hopefully. 

Hyunjin’s brows furrow – the movement is miniscule, but undeniably there. Felix’s grip on his arm tightens, his wings only further hugging against his body, and Hyunjin jolts as the visible signs of anxiety. 

“He’s okay,” Hyunjin promises. “He’s here, actually.” 

“He got hurt?” Felix whispers. He thinks of the doe-eyed, pink-haired teenager, blushing and giggling over his crush, eager to impress his instructors and Stray Kids, increasingly hollow-eyed and fragile boned every time Felix had seen him over the span of the last two weeks. 

Hyunjin cups his face in his hands. “Please don’t freak out when I tell you this.”

“Okay,” Felix whispers. 

“He’s not here because he’s hurt, he’s here because he’s about to mature.” 

Felix blinks at Hyunjin. No matter how many ways the tries to translate the words, he can come up with no alternate meaning. 

So he sits up like a shot, kicks the blankets off, and jumps to his feet before anyone can stop him. “What? Here?” 

“Nice, Jinnie,” Jeongin snorts. 

“I told him not to freak out!” 

“It’s Lix, he was always gonna freak out!” 

“Bbokie, stop trying to get up!” Minho tries to wrestle Felix back down against the bed, but Felix can’t breathe-

“Lix, calm down, he’s literally on this floor-”

Seungmin groans the second the words leave his mouth, because as soon as they leave, Felix does too: at a run, wings out, hospital gown and all. 

“Well,” Jeongin says, “at least he’s feeling better.” 

And then they all chase after him. 

---

To any nurse or doctor watching, it’s almost comical. The door to room 801 slams open in a rustle of paper gown and irritated feathers, the man sprinting both wide-eyed and Bambi-legged as he scrambles clumsily down the hallway. 

And in his wake, seven other men run after them – almost like a herd of puppies tripping over each other’s feet. 

“Felix! Slow the fu- um- slow down!” 

The last words are in English, vowels curved and bent. 

Felix doesn’t heed the warning. He doesn’t even know where he’s running, only that his back is burning with phantom pain, and the flashes of blood, skull, bone are back for the first time in a while. He whips around the corner, foot slipping beneath him, but before he can fully careen headfirst to the floor, strong arms catch him around the middle. 

“Jesus, Lix, you’re gonna crack your skull open-” 

Blood, bone, skull, death-

“Hyung,” Felix wriggles in Chan’s grip. “Hyung, I need to find-” 

“Will you take a breath so I can tell you why everything is fine?” 

Chan doesn’t snap, but he’s not calm either. It’s his leader voice, and the firmness of it is grounding, so Felix stills – partially to listen, and partially out of exhaustion. The adrenaline seeps out of him in an instant, but Chan simply remains a steady force as Felix slouches against him. 

“Sorry,” he pants. “Sorry, I just - I got scared.” 

“I know,” Chan says. His eyes focus over Felix’s shoulder as the other members catch up.

“You guys are fast,” Jisung gasps for breath. “The hell do they feed you in Australia?” 

Chan rolls his eyes and focuses back on Felix. “Listen, before you bolted, I was going to ask if you wanted to see Dai. Because he’s awake, you know, and he specifically asked that you stop by.” 

Felix struggles to take a deep enough breath, and Chan makes a very obvious show of breathing deeply himself until Felix mimics his pace. 

“Sorry,” Felix says again on the final exhale. 

“It’s okay,” Chan says soothingly. “We knew there was a chance you’d, uh-” 

“Freak out?” Felix guesses. 

“Just a little,” Seungmin grumbles. 

Felix groans in embarrassment and Chan chuckles, pulling him into a loose hug and running his fingers over his feathers. The sensation sends another sharp jolt of panic through Felix’s body and he uselessly tugs the wings behind his body. Hyunjin steps behind him, but not to block him. Instead, his fingers find purchase amongst the feathers. 

“You don’t have to hide them anymore,” he says softly. Felix tilts his head up to look Hyunjin in the eye. Hyunjin shrugs with a smile. “Everyone knows now. Of course, if you want to hide them, that’s a different story, but, well, every doctor on this floor already knows, and several of them have treated that bullet wound themselves.”

Felix lets his wings relax, lets them hang in a neutral position. It feels like he’s walked into an alternate dimension, one where none of the original rules apply. One where he, for once, seems to be the overly-worried, mother-hen party, not the members. How much can change in three, unconscious days? 

Instead of ruminating on the worry, he nods. “Okay. Where is he?” 

The Kids let him lead, and in doing so, Felix has a front row seat to the stares he receives. He’s almost uncomfortable, except that the hospital staff and fellow patients alike appraise him with what looks like awe. 

“He looks so beautiful,” a nurse they pass whispers, not quietly enough, and Felix’s cheeks may burn but his wings – the showboats they are – preen and puff with the compliment. 

“Aw,” Changbin coos. “Pretty.” 

“Leave him alone,” Hyunjin says without any heat. “My baby is shy-” 

“And not meant to be your baby in public,” Minho reminds. Felix giggles at Hyunjin’s pout. 

They stop in front of a door at the far end of the hallway. Six other teenagers are crammed into plastic seats or hunched on the floor looking positively terrified; so terrified that they don’t seem to notice Stray Kids approaching until they’re barely two yards away. 

When they look up, their jaws collectively drop, eyes locked on Felix. 

“Oh my God, it’s actually true,” the boy Felix recalls being named Joonwoo gasps; he’s probably going for a whisper, but the tile halls are echoey, and he gives Felix the impression that even his quietest whisper is more akin to the layman’s speaking voice in volume. 

A boy next him (Hwae, Felix remembers) pinches him on the ear quickly without even needing to look before he jumps to standing and prompts the others to do the same with a well placed glare. Then they’re all bowing. 

“S-sorry, we didn’t mean to miss you approaching,” Dwae apologizes. 

“It’s really okay,” Felix smiles. “Circumstances and all that. Is he in there?” 

Dwae nods. “With Seokjin and Jaesang.” 

Felix looks at the door – it’s solid wood, and the window to its right has the shades shut tight. “May I…” 

“Please,” Dwae nods, scrambling to move out of Felix’s way. “He’ll be happy you’re here.”

“Why don’t we take the rest of you to grab coffee, I’m sure you could use it,” Chan suggests. Even if they didn’t want the coffee, Felix knows they’ll accept (the Bang Chan inviting them to grab coffee), but the babies look dead on their feet, likely in need of caffeine and food. 

“You want me to hang back?” Hyunjin asks Felix. 

“It’ll be okay,” Felix promises. His hand instinctively moves to his neck, then his wrist, but both the locket and the bracelet are missing. Genuine panic shoots down his spine, but Hyunjin grins and pulls both pieces of jewelry out of his pocket. 

“They took them off to examine you. May I?” He smirks. 

“Flirting with me while I’m in a hospital gown?” Felix teases, but he bows his head as Hyunjin drapes the locket over his neck. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to wear them anymore,” Hyunjin says softly. His fingers linger at the edge of the chain, the brush of his fingers of Felix’s bare skin sending warm tingles across his collarbones and up his neck. “It’s not like I need to track you anymore-” 

“It makes me feel better to know you could, though,” Felix confesses, glancing up through his lashes just in time to see a blush creeping high along Hyunjin’s cheekbones. “Does it-” 

“It doesn’t bother me. All I want is to protect you,” Hyunjin barely breathes. He glances down the hallway, to where Stray Kids and the babies are pretending not to watch. Hyunjin clears his throat and steps away. “Let me know when you’re done, or if you need help, or if-” 

“I will,” Felix promises. “Go, try to stop the babies from combusting in the mere presence of Stray Kids.” 

“Do you also call them the babies in your head?” Hyunjin laughs. 

“They’re literal babies. It’s fitting.” 

“I’ll recommend it for their group name. Now go help out the baby angel.” 

---

Felix knocks lightly at the door, and immediately it opens to reveal an exhausted, frazzled looking Seokjin. His eyes practically bug out of his head, flickering immediately to the wings at his back before he bows. 

“Felix-ssi – Hyung,” Seokjin says; his voice is hoarse, like he hasn’t slept or eaten or thought about water in days. “Thank you for coming.” 

“Of course,” Felix smiles. “When was the last time you ate?” 

“Thank you, hyung! I’ve been trying to tell them to eat!” 

Dai’s voice is teasing, chipper, but undeniably weak. Felix turns and his heart seems to skip a beat. 

He’s on his stomach, pillows propped beneath his chest to keep his head aloft, allowing him to turn towards the door. His skin is pale, almost grey beneath the shock of pink hair and the hard glow of hospital lighting. But while his face is pale, his back is angry red – red with bumps, with familiar tufts of white valiantly fighting their way through his skin. 

Unclothed, Felix can see a scrawniness that hadn’t existed in such starkness upon their first meeting, but it’s nowhere near the bone-forward body Felix had sported before his own maturation. Dai has a very familiar protein shake in his hand. 

“Drink,” Jaesang says. He’s got a chair pressed so close to Dai’s bed that he has to pull his legs up just to sit. Dai rolls his eyes but takes a sip. 

“Hyunjin-hyung was right,” Dai says. “Strawberry is definitely the best flavor. He’s the best.” 

“The best,” Jaesang grumbles. “Please, Dai, you didn’t drink nearly enough yesterday-” 

Felix exhales; he’d been holding his breath. 

“You look like you’ve been through it,” Felix finally says. He finally steps through the doorway, and Dai’s jaw drops when Felix’s wings are revealed. 

“Oh, wow!” he gasps, trying to sit up. Jaesang absently pushes him back down. “You look … wow.” 

“Thank you,” Felix smiles, feathers preening at more praise. Dai’s fingers twitch against the mattress. “Do you want to-” 

“Can I?” Dai gasps. Felix can’t help but laugh and sidles over to perch on the edge of the bed, letting his uninjured wing rest on the mattress. Dai strokes his feathers with trembling hands. “They’re so soft! I thought they might still be, um, sharp.” 

“You saw that?” Felix asks. His stomach feels like it’s full of snakes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you-” 

But Dai is shaking his head. “It was so cool. And how you flew like that? I couldn’t believe it-” 

“For the last time, you will be grounded for the foreseeable future,” Seokjin tsks, but his eyes are so fond and he can’t seem to stop himself from gently petting Dai’s hair. Dai pouts and bats his lashes, and Seokjin covers his eyes. “Nuh-uh, this is not the time to try the puppy-dog eyes on me.” 

“Throw in a lip quiver,” Felix suggests conspiringly. “Makes them fold so fast.” 

Seokjin chokes. Jaesang just chuckles. 

“How are you feeling?” Felix asks. Dai shifts on the bed, wincing. 

“I’m okay,” Dai says. 

“Don’t lie, aegi,” Jaesang warns. 

“I’d have to agree,” Felix shrugs. “Whatever you’re feeling, I’ve been there too.” 

Dai chews his lip and his eyes fall. “I feel okay now. They’ve got me on some meds, and that’s helping a lot. But the past couple of weeks were … hard. Especially last week. The pain, the … images, the exhaustion. Hyunjin-hyung helped a lot with the tips he gave me, but it was still…” 

Dai can’t finish the sentence; Felix watches his throat constrict, the rapid blinking of his sky-turned eyes. Jaesang looks like he's in physical pain at the sight and covers the Angel’s hand with his own. 

“It was still scary,” he finished for his member. Dai nods gratefully. 

“When I saw you at the show, I knew. That was what was happening to me, I was growing wings. The feathers showed up within the hour, I swear I could feel them poking through my skin just being near that Bell-” 

“It was designed to call to you, to your instincts,” Felix explains. 

“Yeah, it was weird,” Dai shakes his head like he shake away the memory. “Wooyoung-hyung was explaining some of it to me when we got to the hospital, but I was pretty out of it. He said he helped you?” 

Felix smiles. “He did. He saved my life. Without him, I wouldn’t be here. I was literally in the waiting room of the idol’s clinic when he found me.” 

“That’s why you stopped me?” Dai asks, but his eyes are all sparkly like he already knows the answer, like he can’t believe Lee Felix would help him so brazenly. 

“Yup,” Felix grins. 

The door opens before Dai or anyone else can speak, and in walks- 

“Dr. Kang,” Felix breathes. Instinctively, he hugs his wings closer to his body, but the woman doesn’t seem all that surprised to see him. 

“Yongbok-ssi,” she smiles hesitantly. “I was hoping I’d get to see you before you were discharged. I heard you drained your instincts quite a bit, huh?” 

Felix gapes at her. 

“You - uh, yeah, I- what?” 

She laughs at his obvious confusion. “Apologies, I imagine this must be a bit of a shock. Afterall, I’m pretty sure you were terrified of me. For good reason, of course, if it had been someone else-” 

“You know about Angels?” Felix cuts her off, not even considering the rudeness. She takes it in stride. 

“Yes, I do. Well at this point, the whole world does, but I knew beforehand.”

And then she removes her glasses, blinks her eyes, and all of the brown of her irises flashes glowing gold. Felix nearly tumbles from his perch on the bed and laughs. 

“I thought you suspected me,” Felix whispers. “I thought - I thought you worked for the Bureau.” 

Her smile slips away. “I did. They saved me from the Hunters about a few years ago and offered to hire me under the guise of helping Angels avoid Hunter detection. It wasn’t until a year ago that I found out what they were actually doing, when I realized the trainees that came my way never came back. I started fielding certain complaints, insisting that those cases came to me. It’s a good thing, too, your blood was … well, it was obvious once I looked that you were going through something very different than a simple case of inadequate nutrition.” 

Felix nearly slides off the bed again. Is your back bothering you? She’d asked so insistently. Are you wearing contacts? 

Back then they’d been so confident that his blood would be fine, free of any indicators. But now, given what he knows about Angel blood, he can only imagine there are some kind of markers in any lab test. 

“You did suspect me, but not to report me,” he barely breathes. When he looks up at her, he finds her gaze is glassy. “You helped hide me?” 

“There are more of us than you know,” she says quietly. “More of us than I realized as well. At the time, fudging blood work and post-appointment assessments was the most I thought I could do. Now that you’ve shown yourself to the world, I can help in ways I couldn’t before.” 

He sees a lightness in her, such a contrast to the weight he can see she was carrying in comparison. Angels are drawn to goodness, to helping – that’s what Wooyoung had said; it must have been agonizing to know that her ability to help could only go so far. 

“You donated your blood to Yeong-su, didn’t you?” He guesses. Her blush is answer enough. “And you’re gonna help Dai?” 

She snaps on a pair of latex gloves. “That’s the plan. I was able to speak to the doctor who operated on your friend, Wooyoung-ssi, and was able to put a call out for any and all advice from other professionals who might have experience. Yongbok-” 

“Felix, please,” he pleads. She chuckles. 

“Felix, he told me about your own maturation experience. I cannot fathom what you went through, and I’m so sorry you had to endure it, but if it’s any consultation, Dai here will be under our care the whole time-” 

“And plenty of pain meds, right?” Jaesang asks hopefully. 

“Yes, lots of pain meds like we discussed,” she rolls her eyes playfully, as if Jaesang’s words are familiar to her at this point. “He’ll be awake so that his instincts can carry him through the end of the maturation, but we’ll be right there by him to help him along. He’s not quite as strong as I’d like, but he’ll do just fine.” 

For the first time, Dai’s hopeful little smile flickers. He turns to Felix, looking much younger than he has before. 

“What do I have to do?” he asks tremulously. “Wooyoung-hyung said I had to do the last part myself, but he didn’t tell me what that meant?” 

Felix places a hand on Dai’s arm. “You don’t need to know. I didn't know either. Your body, your instincts, and your wings are all you, not separate parts of you. You just can’t fight it – when I was at the final step of my maturation, it wasn’t looking so good, but …” 

He feels his blush creeping up his neck. Dai clocks it immediately, as does Jaesang. 

“My hyung who was with me called Hyunjin and had him talk to me. He talked about random things, it didn’t matter, and I don’t even remember it, but that helped.” 

“I’ll be with him the whole time,” Jaesang promises. He looks at Seokjin and Dr. Kang. “Right? I can be with him.” 

“Yes, Jae, you’ll be with him,” Seokjin promises. Jaesang goes furiously red, but his hard-set eyes don't flicker to the floor, and he doesn’t move the hand holding Dai’s. 

“Will you stay too, hyung?” 

Dai is all boba eyes and a pouty lip. After a moment, it wobbles. 

“Of course,” Felix grins. “To quote Hyunjin, how does anyone deny you anything?”

“We don’t,” Jaesang rolls his eyes. “And he’s all the more dangerous for it.” 

---

While Dr. Kang preps Dai, Felix shoots a text off to ABS, smile twitching at the group chat that feels so much less necessary now, but that he knows the members will keep regardless if only for the meme of it. 

Lixie: i’m gonna stay here for Dai’s maturation 

Lixie: tell the nurse sorrryyyy  

Jinnie: you got it, Angel

Lixie: oh! 

Lixie: can one of u bring food for Seokjin and Jaesang? i don’t think they’ve eaten and i’m sure Dai feels guilty about it

Binnie: just tell him to use the puppy dog eyes

Lixie: i think they’re refusing to leave his side

Lixie: i did teach him to do to a pretty mean lip wobble to match his puppy dog eyes tho!

Channie: I pity Seokjin – poor guy will never stand a chance <3 

 

“Fuck,” Dai whimpers, and Felix drops his phone into his lap immediately. Dai whimpers, his back muscles visibly straining. 

“Okay, let’s get you some of the good stuff,” Dr. Kang says. A nurse rushes forward with an IV drip, and Dai doesn’t seem to notice the needle pricking his skin. 

“We’re going to also give you some topical injections on your back where we’ll be making the actual incisions,” Dr. Kang says, nodding to the nurse. He hands her a tray with several syringes already prepped. “I know we went over all of this, but I want to be sure that you know exactly what’s going on as I’m doing it.” 

“Mhmm,” Dai grunts in confirmation, his face twisted and his grip white-knuckle around Jaesang’s hands. 

Felix hovers behind it all until Jaesang notices. He nods at one of the plastic chairs, then at the space next to him. 

“Are you sure?” he whispers quietly. 

“He wants you here,” Jaesang says.

Felix sits as Dai’s whimpers finally start to quiet, as the lines of pain etching his face shallow and smoothe. It’s like they’re transferred to Jaesang’s face instead. 

“Are you okay?” Felix asks softly. 

“Me?” Jaesang asks. “Of course, I’m not the one-” 

“That doesn’t matter,” Felix cuts him off with a smile. “Just because it’s happening to him doesn’t mean your stress or fear is any less severe.” 

Jaesang’s eyes narrow in thought, and he sniffles, blinking away tears he tries quite valiantly to hide. Felix won’t call him on it, but maybe he’ll lock him and Hyunjin in a room together for a long, thorough conversation about guilt. Fuck it, Felix and Dai probably need that kind of lecture, too. 

“You’re sure you can’t feel this?” Dr. Kang has been asking Dai what stimulus he can feel as she pokes cautiously across different areas of his back. 

“I’m sure,” Dai murmurs sleepily. “Really, I can’t feel a thing, now.” 

“Alright,” Dr. Kang sighs. “Let’s do this.” 

Felix ends up holding Jaesang’s other hand as well as Seokjin’s, and they watch in a collective cloud of nausea as Dr. Kang gently, but bloodily, cuts through Dai’s skin. Dai occasionally hisses (‘It doesn’t hurt, but I can feel something moving,’ he tells them all. ‘It’s just weird, not painful – seriously, Jae, it’s okay-’), and Felix’s own memories of his maturation are striped with unconsciousness, but he’s pretty sure the freeing of his wings was nowhere near this calm. 

The first wing is freed after a mere three minutes and Dr. Kang immediately switches to the otherside. The wing is … well, it’s ugly the way newborn babies are ugly, wet and curled and stained with blood. Felix fights diligently to keep his nose from wrinkling at the sight. A few additional minutes later, the second wing flops out, and the nurse immediately begins to clear away the blood that has begun pooling to the hollow of Dai’s back. 

“Vitals are good,” he tells Dr. Kang. 

“Agreed, and the wings look intact.” 

“You okay, kiddo?” Seokjin asks softly. Maybe he, like Felix, is doing anything to avoid looking at the blood. 

“Mmm,” Dai hums. His eyes are fluttering shut, and Felix feels his pulse jump wildly at the sight. 

“Hey, hey, stay awake, Dai!” Jaesang urges. He starts to remove his hand, but Dai, as close to unconscious as he is, grips tighter. Jaesang looks at Dr. Kang. “Why is he falling asleep?” 

“He’s okay,” Dr. Kang assures. “Physically, he’s fine-”

“If he was fine, he'd be awake!” Jaesang snaps, but any rudeness is undercut by the devastating flood of tears that finally breach his lashline. “If he was-” 

“Talk to him,” Felix says. Though his voice is quiet, it cuts through Jaesang’s volume, and he looks at Felix desperately. 

“What?” 

“Talk to him,” Felix says again. “You’re closest, right? Trust me, it’ll help him.” 

Jaesang nods. He removes his hand from Felix’s own and wipes his nose on his sleeve. 

“Dai,” he says softly. “I … You’re gonna owe me so many 7/11 runs after this. And if we get caught sneaking out again, you’re so taking the fall-” 

Seokjin huffs a laugh. He too is crying. 

“-because Seokjin and Hwae-hyungs can’t say no to your face, right? Like Felix-hyung said?” 

He looks at Felix pleadingly, and Felix nods encouragingly with a small thumbs up. 

“I know you’ve been so stressed about your dancing since your back thing started, but you’re so dumb if you think you’re not still outperforming all of us. I mean, do you even remember when…” 

Jaesang’s voice fills the room as he does just what Felix told him: talks. Stories, memories, dreams for the future; inside jokes that make Seokjin smile, that make Jaesang laugh through his tears. It’s intimate, it’s private, and Felix feels like he shouldn’t be here, but Jaesang just looks at Dai like he’s the only one in the world, let alone the hospital room. 

By the time Jaesang’s voice is growing hoarse, Felix becomes aware of a heat building in his palm and at the center of his back. He sits up, instinctively looking over his shoulder, but there are no agents, no Hunters, no ominous threats. As the heat builds, he realizes that it’s not the heat of danger, but a warmth – comforting. Loving, even. 

Felix looks back at Dai just as Jaesang’s voice trails off. 

“Your wings are glowing,” he whispers. 

“It’s working,” Felix says. 

No sooner are the words gone from his lips than the room is flooded with blinding gold light. Felix hears the gasps around in, but he’s too distracted at the sudden sense of air in his wings. When the light dims, he thinks he might cry. 

The blood is gone, the incisions closed and healed. 

And where the blood-stained appendages had furled awkwardly across Dai’s shoulders now lie two brilliant, moon-bright wings. 

“He did it,” Jaesang exhales. 

And then he bursts into tears. 

---

Dai isn’t going to wake up anytime soon, so Felix makes Seokjin promise to give the Angel his phone number and to call with any concerns. As he steps out of the room, he’s surprised to see Wooyoung leaning by the door. 

“Hyung!” Felix gasps. He throws himself into Wooyoung’s open arms and is immediately swung around in a wide circle. 

“Up and about already? In a hospital gown no less?” Wooyoung laughs. 

“Yeah, LV doesn’t have a line for patient-wear yet,” Felix teases. 

“Wow, it’s good to hear you joke again.” 

Wooyoung puts him down and pulls back, enough so that Felix can see the small ring of gold flashing around his irises. 

“You don’t have contacts in!” Felix grins. 

“No need, not after you went public with everything,” Wooyoung explains. “Come on, I’ve been told to bring you back to your hotel room. Well, Channie-hyung’s exact words were ‘please find my fugitive child, his nurses are getting nervous’-” 

“Typical Channie-hyung,” Felix sighs as they begin walking. “Technically you could have kept hiding, you know. Just because I told everyone I’m an Angel doesn’t mean you need to go public, not if you don't want to-” 

“But I do want to,” Wooyoung says seriously. They reach Felix’s room, and Felix finds that – with the adrenaline and influx of information no longer pulsing through his veins and mind respectively – he’s exhausted. He half-lays, half-tumbles onto the bed. Wooyoung helps him sit up against the headboard and wordlessly pushes a fresh cup of water into his hands. 

“You know,” his hyung says, “before I found you in the clinic, I thought I was alone. Not literally alone – obviously I have my members and my family and friends – but alone with this secret. With these feelings. I’ve spoken to more Angels in the past three days than throughout the rest of my life, and I don’t want to lose that connection.” 

“Oh, hyung.” Felix's heart breaks just a little. Wooyoung, who is loud and bright, should never know the shadow of loneliness, at least as far as he’s concerned. 

“No, no sadness from you!” Wooyoung boops him on the nose, making Felix scoff playfully. “You are going to get discharged, go home, and relax. Maybe kiss that boyfriend of yours a little since I’m sure you haven’t had much time to get all cuddly lately-” 

“Hyung!” 

“Woo!” Changbin’s voice echoes down the hall. He barge into the room and slips an arm around around Felix’s waist as best he can from standing. “What are you saying to my dongsaeng to make him all blushy, huh?” 

Hyunjin reaches them next, and then all the members come pouring in. He doesn’t ask, just shifts until he’s sitting in the bed as well. “Who’s making Lix blush?” 

Wooyoung grins, Cheshire cat, at Felix and wiggles his eyebrows. Felix groans. 

“I heard a rumor I might get discharged?” he asks Chan instead of engaging with Wooyoung. 

“Yup,” Chan beams. “The managers are getting the paperwork sorted and then we’ll all be free to go home.”

Home. Felix wants to sink into the word never climb out. 

Hyunjin gently pets his hair.  “Dai okay?” 

“Perfect,” Felix smiles. “He had pain meds, didn’t feel a thing. It was … I didn’t realize how much power he would release.” 

“Explains why you’re still glowy, Sweetheart,” Hyunjin winks. 

Wooyoung waggles his eyebrows again and stands. “I’m gonna go check on him too, then I’m up to donate some more blood.” 

“Oh, I probably should to-” Felix starts to stand. The entire room groans in unison and Hyunjin hugs Felix into stillness. “What?” 

“You were unconscious for three days,” Seungmin deadpans. “Why don’t you use some of your blood and try to send it to your brain instead of giving it away, yeah?” 

Felix grumbles and hides his head behind Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“Don’t hide behind your boyfriend, he can’t protect you-” 

“Yes I can!” 

“Oh yeah? You sleep like the dead-”

“Ahem,” someone knocks on the door. Felix lifts his head to find his nurse barely concealing a smile. “You’re free to go, I’ll give you a moment of privacy – or some semblance of it, I suppose – to get changed. If you start feeling poorly, don’t hesitate to come back, okay?” 

Felix does his best to bow from where he’s still trapped in Hyunjin’s arms, and then she’s gone. 

“This whole hospital probably hates us,” Felix says. 

“Hate Seoul’s very own Angel?” Chan snorts. “Never.” 

When they leave, Felix doesn’t wrap his wings. Instead, he dons one of the hoodies Minho outfitted for him, wing-slits and all, a beanie, and sweatpants. They don’t travel far, not on foot anyway – only from the front of the hospital to the van, the van to the dorms. 

Still, the number of paparazzi is staggering. Felix is caged on all sides by the members, but it doesn’t prevent him from hearing the questions. 

Felix, how long did you hide your wings for? 

Felix, Felix, over here – do you think more Angels will reveal themselves now that you have? 

Felix, what do you make of the court case against the Bureau? 

The questions are as fair as they are overwhelming. Hyunjin is gently tracing the line of his wing the whole time they’re walking, and it’s only once they’re piling into the Seunglix dorm that he finally relaxes. 

Which is to say his legs semi-buckle beneath him and he ends up dragging Hyunjin onto the couch with him. 

“Tired?” Hyunjin chuckles, the sound reverberating beneath Felix’s hands. 

“Mmmm,” Felix grumbles. “Can’t I just want to cuddle?” 

“Minho-hyuhg, can you please get your fourth cat some water and a snack?” Hyunjin calls. Minho pops out of the kitchen, already holding a plate and a bottle of water. 

“You’re so whipped, hyung,” Jeongin rolls his eyes. Minho scoffs, storms over the couch, and pulls Felix up so he’s in a Minjin sandwich. 

“Eat,” Minho says sternly, though it’s massively undercut when he nuzzles his head against Felix’s. 

“I can’t even defend you anymore,” Jisung plops down on the floor. 

“It’s kind of sickening, Danceracha is weird,” Seungmin wrinkles his nose. Changbin’s eyes bulge, and moments later, Seungmin is dragged into an armchair. “What the fuck, Hyung!” 

“You sounded left out!” Changbin squeezes the vocalist tightly enough that his cheeks go pink. “If you want cuddles, all you have to do is ask-” 

“This family is toxic,” Jeongin insists. Chan raises an eyebrow at him, taking a threatening step closer, and Jeongin reels back. “Don’t even think about it, Chan-hyung. I will physically hurt you.” 

“That why you’ve been hitting the gym, baby bread?” Hyunjin teases. 

“Another bite, Bbokie,” Minho holds a grape up to Felix’s mouth. 

As Felix sits there, accepting bites of food from Minho and the grooming of his wings from Hyunjin, he just lets himself melt into the comfort. He’s sure there will be more to worry about tomorrow, people to talk to, interviews to either accept or deny, rumors to address and twitter comments to ignore, but for now, it’s the eight of them again. The eight of them, no Hunters, no agents, no managers or schedules. 

“You okay?” Hyunjin asks softly. 

Felix leans in and kisses him. Chastely, quickly, but a kiss nonetheless, and it turns Hyunjin’s cheeks as pink as the flowers he so loves to paint. 

“Better than okay,” he sighs. “Movie night?” 

“Hell yeah,” Jeongin agrees. “But I’m picking this time. Now that Lix isn’t in mortal danger, he doesn’t get monopoly over movie choices. And hyung, I love you, but I cannot watch Tangled again.” 

---

For two blessed days, the most active thing Felix does is make brownies, and it’s only under Minho’s mildly-terrifying supervision. 

“Hyung, seriously, do you think the chocolate chips are going to kill me?” Felix asks at one point. 

“Bbokie?” Minho raises a testing brow. “After everything, I wouldn’t put it past them to try.” 

For understood reasons, the tour is put on hold. Everything at JYPE is, though Felix doesn’t find out until that second day. He’s spoken with his family, of course, and had a brief conversation with JYP himself, who seemed genuinely disturbed to find out what had been going on at his very own company, but other than that, he’d avoided social media and the internet entirely. 

“Chris,” Felix finally asks. “Can I … can I go on Bubble?” 

 Chan is lounging next to him on the balcony, both of them soaking up as much sun as possible to make up for their reclusivity indoors. He opens one eye over the brim of his sunglasses. 

“Why?” 

Felix shrugs, but his wings curl nervously. “I want to know what’s going on, but I’m scared to read any negative comments. I figured… people are nicer on Bubble, sometimes. I just feel out of the loop, I guess, and I finally feel ready to be back in the loop.” 

“Oh, Lix, why didn’t you say something?” 

“Didn’t feel like it til now, I guess.” 

Chan sits up. “You can go on Bubble if you want, or if you’re more curious about what’s happening since the concert, I can find you an article that doesn’t have comments.” 

Felix sits up, all thoughts of sunbathing forgotten. “You could?” 

Chan laughs and ruffles his hair. “Yeah, dumbass.” 

“Be nice to me!” Felix whines, but he takes the hand offered to him and lets Chan guide him back inside and to his laptop. Felix flops into a chair while Chan presumably searches different news sources, looking for one that isn’t sensational or biased. 

“Here we go.” 

He slides the computer over to Felix, whose jaw drops. 

“Ah, yeah, the picture?” Chan guesses. 

“Yeah,” Felix confirms. 

“It’s the main one they’ve been using for you,” Chan explains. “You look … well, you look beautiful, Sunshine.” 

Felix blushes. The picture is of him, probably seconds after dropping from the catwalk. His hair is a halo, illuminated by the spotlight of the Bell’s glow, and his stage outfit is pristine, white, not yet stained with blood. And behind him, of course, are his wings, spread in all their magnificent glory. Felix is surveying the crowd – he knows he was looking for the agents, and as such, his expression is one of determined ferocity. 

Soaring More Than Just the Charts, reads the headline.

 

“Huh,” Felix huffs. “Cute.” 

 

Pandemonium erupted in downtown Seoul merely thirty minutes into an international awards show at KSPO, with global K-Pop sensation, Stray Kids, front and center. 

Stray Kids, known for their powerful, self produced music, engaging choreography, and charming natural chemistry, have found themselves in the headlines several times this month, though in one instance for less than savory reasons. After fans captured what appeared to be an attempted kidnapping of a member of Stray Kids, leader and producer Bang Chan took to messaging-app, Bubble, and confirmed the rumors, with lead dancer Lee Know substantiating the claims and stating that he was the member in the photographs. 

Fans and press alike were therefore shocked when, amidst Stray Kid’s own set, Lee Felix – noticeably missing from the performance alongside the aforementioned Lee Know – dropped from the stage in what audience members initially assumed to be a mid-song stunt. However, the show itself took a turn for the perilous when Lee Felix (henceforth referred to mononymously) announced that the angelic wings on his back were not, in fact, very effective costuming, but genuine appendages, and that Felix was, in fact, a genuine angel. 

“My identity as Angel was meant to be a secret because there are people in the world who want to hurt people like me,” said Felix. He went on to state that he was the one who was kidnapped – not for his fame, but for the very Angel wings with which he hovered above the stage.  “I was taken and tortured for my blood, my feathers, my magic. I barely escaped. Two weeks later, a different group tried to take me – they’ve been kidnapping trainees for years, flagging us as potential angels.”

Felix left an increasingly-confused audience with a final warning: that those very people who were targeting him were at the show. Felix’s final warning? “If I, or anyone else in this building go missing, tonight or a week from now or even months, it wasn’t accidental, and it wasn’t running. It was kidnapping; and then it will be torture. People need to know, and be ready to fight for us.”  

What was meant to be an evening celebrating Asia’s biggest stars transformed into a war – the very threat Felix warned of descended onto the stage as the crowd transformed into a stampede. 

In the end, while Felix’s claims were seemingly unbelievable, proof became undeniable. Multiple celebrities from around the globe took the helm and revealed themselves as angels. 

“I don’t think Felix has any expectation that other Angels will reveal themselves,” said K-Pop sensation ATEEZ’s, Wooyoung, “because he knows the average, everyday Angel isn’t awarded the same amount of protection that we, as idols, are provided. Lix is brave, and he’s paid time and time again for that bravery. It’s time for me to be brave, too. I’m an Angel.” 

Revelations of Angels living among us have, naturally, shocked the world as a whole, and while questions in the hundreds will certainly be raised, none is more pressing than the notion that these very forces – organized, armed, and numerous – have long been infiltrating companies as well-guarded and expansive as JYPE entertainment. 

Taskforces right here in Seoul have mobilized, and investigations are underway to assess key players in the disappearances of what is estimated to be hundreds of young adults across Korea from the idol industry alone. 

This story is far from over, but one thing’s for sure: Stray Kid’s next world tour will almost certainly be one to remember. 

 

Felix looks up at Chan through blurry eyes. 

“Really?” he whispers. 

Chan is tugging Felix into his lap in a heartbeat. Felix doesn’t even think about fighting the comfort, rather melts against Chan’s body. 

“They’re looking for the trainees who went missing?”

“Yup,” Chan rocks him side to side. “They think Yeong-su will be awake any hour now. They’re hoping he’ll be willing to cooperate-” 

“He will be,” Felix pulls back. “He was brainwashed, but in the end, he still had the courage to fight back against his own father.” 

“He’s brave,” Chan nods. “Like someone else I know. Now if you want, I screenshotted some nice comments on Twitter. Wanna see?” 

---

Hyunjin is curled in Felix’s bed by the time he, Joengin, and Seungmin finish playing games that night ; he’s sketching something in his sketchbook, tongue barely visible between his lips. His sweatpants are slung low on his hips, and those hours at the gym are paying off – he’s wearing that damn black tanktop–

“See something you like, Angel?” 

Felix squeaks, eyes flicking from Hyunjin’s biceps to his cocky smirk. 

“Shut up,” Felix grumbles. Hyunjin laughs and tosses his sketchbook to the side, opening his arms. 

“Come here.”

And who is Felix to deny such an appealing invitation. 

He doesn’t curl next to Hyunjin like his boyfriend might have been expecting. No, he drapes his body over his, nuzzles his face in the crook of Hyunjin’s. 

“I missed this,” Hyunjin sighs against his hair, his arms wrapping easily around Felix’s back, just below his wings. 

“Cuddling?” 

“Seeing you … light. Unencumbered-” 

“Big word-”

“Let me be sappy,” Hyunjin laughs, aiming the softest flick in the world to the side of Felix’s head. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Felix giggles. “You were saying?” 

“You’re just different now. I don’t think I realized how much weight you were carrying until I saw you free of it.” 

“There’s still so much we’ll have to deal with soon,” Felix mumbles. “Chan thinks I’m going to be asked to testify. I haven’t checked the comments, but I’m sure there are going to be people who don’t want me in the group because I’m an Angel. Hell, there will probably be people all over the world who agree with Hunters and the Bureau – or at least agree that we shouldn’t exist-” 

Hyunjin shifts so Felix is forced to roll onto his side, forced to look him in the eyes. He presses a soft kiss on Felix’s forehead, then another on his cheek, until he’s peppering Felix’s face with kisses in between his words.

“And those-” kiss “-idiots-” kiss “are just” kiss “jealous-” 

“Hyune!” Felix giggles. 

“I mean it. People are scared of the unique and the beautiful because they’re either too stupid to understand or too jealous to let someone shine.” 

“I don’t really care what they think,” Felix says – and it might end up turning into a lie, but right now it’s the truth. Still, Hyunjin raises a brow, clearly not believing entirely himself. “I just don’t want other people’s opinions to interfere with all of us, with the group, with you and me-” 

“Good thing we won’t let it,” Hyunjin says. 

“I know,” Felix responds. A definite truth – bright and glaring. “I’m falling in love with you, you know.” 

“Oh,” Hyunjin fakes a scoff. “I was under the impression I’d already earned your love.” 

“Oh, you have,” Felix bats his lashes, a little flirty, a lot honest. “You, Hwang Hyunjin, are just finding ways to make me fall in love with you deeper and deeper every day. It’s impressive, really.” 

“Deeper and deeper, huh?” Hyunjin laughs. “What’s got you driving the sap mobile, huh?” 

“Everything,” Felix laughs. “And a little bit watching Jaesang. He made me remember what I know about my maturation, how you talked to me on the phone, and … I guess I’m just really lucky we pulled our heads out of our asses, because I can’t imagine not being with you.” 

Hyunjin coos and presses a kiss to Felix’s forehead. 

“Hyune, it was seriously so cute. He wouldn’t let go of Dai’s hand the whole time.”  

“Those little babies are the most precious things on the planet,” Hyunjin groans like it physically pains him – and honestly, Felix gets it. 

Felix giggles again and lays back down, one leg slotted between Hyunjin’s, on hand tracing lazy circles along his collarbone. 

“I’m falling in love with you too, you know,” Hyunjin whispers; he whispers it like a secret, despite the fact they’re the only two people in the room, with a closed door between them and only Seungmin and Chan left in the dorm. He turns his head, and Felix finds that their lips are half a centimeter away. 

There’s something in Hyunjin’s dark gaze that looks like a question; like a request for permission. 

Felix closes the distance. 

It’s like their kiss earlier – chaste, soft, warm; nothing more than a press of lips against lips-

Until Felix swipes his tongue against the seam of Hyunjin’s mouth. Hyunjin’s hand, resting like a butterfly at his hip, tightens minutely, and then he’s opening beneath Felix like a flower. They kiss like they dance, a constant increase of energy, of passion, until Felix is panting into Hyunjin’s mouth as much as he is kissing back; until his leg, still slotted between Hyunjin’s thigh, brushes against an obvious hardness-

“Fuck,” Hyunjin exhales. “Lix, we don’t have to-” 

“Shh,” Felix looks at him from beneath his lashes, the way that he knows makes Hyunjin weak at the knees. He props himself up at the elbows and swings his leg over Hyunjin’s lap to straddle him. “Let me take care of you, yeah?” 

He slowly, so slowly, reaches for the hem of his tanktop; he drags it over his head like he’s sliding out of a second skin, relishing the way Hyunjin’s pupil-blown eyes move from Felix’s lips down to each inch of his exposed body. His lips are parted, he’s breathing heavily. Felix pretends to shift as he pulls the top over his head, brushing against Hyunjin’s erection in the process. 

“Fuck, Lix,” Hyunjin breathes. Felix bites his lip and flutters his lashes again, innocent and unknowing, and Hyunjin moans again. “Like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.” 

Felix rolls his hips once more (and that breathy moan will be a sound he hears in his dying moments, he’s sure of it) before he slithers down the bed. His fingers trail along the sides of Hyunjin’s body, drawing tantalizing circles across his abdomen, fingers dipping just so beneath the waistband of those sweats-

“What am I doing, Hyung?” 

Hyunjin lets his head fall back against the wall. The bulge – centimeters away from Felix’s face – jumps at the honorific. 

“You’re playing with fire, Sweetheart. I hope you know what you’re doing.” 

His voice is gravelly, rough, a preview of domination that Felix craves, if his already-leaking cock is anything to go by, but his eyes are all black, and finally Felix has the roles reversed – sure, he may the one half-undressed, but Hyunjin is the one seconds away from begging. 

Felix mouths over Hyunjin’s clothed cock for just a moment, never enough to provide adequate stimulation, but enough that when Felix tugs at the barrier of fabric between them, Hyunjin eagerly raises his hips just enough to help him. His cock slaps up against Hyunjin’s stomach, red at the tip, leaking just as much as Felix’s must be. 

“If you don’t think I know what I’m doing, maybe I should stop-” 

“No,” Hyunjin growls. Felix bites back a grin. 

“What do you want, Hyung?” 

Hyunjin takes a steadying breath, as if he’s already desperately holding himself back. And then his eyes go, impossibly, darker. 

“Why don’t you show me what that pretty mouth is good for.” 

It hits Felix right in the gut, hot and pooling and so fucking dirty. Drool is pooling in his mouth as he makes a show of placing his wrists behind his back, as if cuffed, leans forward, and licks a stripe up Hyunjin’s shaft. 

“Ohhh,” Hyunjin moans. Felix does it again, lingering at the head to lap at the beads of precum, eyes fluttering shut at the taste- 

A hand in his hair tugs his head up; it’s not a particularly hard tug, more of a test of tonight’s limits, so Felix pulls against it until Hyunjin yanks again; until his scalp prickles with perfect pain. 

“Eyes on me, Baby,” Hyunjin breathes. “I want to see you.” 

Felix moans. He can’t help but grind his hips down into the mattress. Hyunjin grins. “Such a perfect little-” 

Not just yet, Felix thinks to himself, I’m not letting you get control just yet, and promptly takes Hyunjin down to the back of his throat. 

Hyunjin moans again, his sentence strangled in the face of his pleasure, and his grip on Felix’s hair lessens, but the weight of his palm remains, just resting. 

Felix is relentless. He hollows his cheeks as he sucks up Hyunjin’s length only to bob back down, his tongue lapping as he does so. Again and again, he finds his nose pressed directly against the stubble of Hyunjin’s public hair, feels the heavy, pulsing weight of his cock at the back of his throat. It’s all Felix can do not to touch himself – because everything is Hyunjin; Hyunjin’s smell, his moans, his fingers in his hair, the promise of his cum-

Felix grinds again into the mattress and Hyunjin bucks his hip up into Felix’s mouth, his fingers tightening. 

“Shit!” Hyunjin gasps, pulling Felix off of his cock with a pop. Felix whines at the loss. “I’m sorry, Baby, I didn’t mean-” 

“Do it again,” Felix whispers; his voice is already wrecked, he can feel spit at the corner of his mouth, knows his eyes are heavily lidded – he knows he looks every bit as slutty as he feels. 

Hyunjin freezes. His fingers loosen for a moment and Felix finds himself beneath the heavy glow of Hyunjin’s gaze. 

“You sure?” he asks again. 

“Use me,” Felix whispers. “M’yours.” 

Hyunjin laughs, but his eyes are pure awe. “Perfect for me. My perfect Angel.” 

His fingers tighten and Felix is back on his cock like a man deprived. This time, he does little more than relax his throat and keep his eyes on Hyunjin. The hand in his hair is a fist now, and when Felix sinks to the base of Hyunjin’s cock and back up, Hyunjin’s hips rise to meet him. Once, tentatively, and Felix moans at the action. 

“You like this so much,” Hyunjin observes. Felix moans again, a little pitifully, harder than he thought he could ever be. He tries to grind into the mattress again and Hyunjin tugs. “You don’t cum until I say so.” 

Fuck, Felix thinks. Fuck fuck fuck- 

He loses himself in the minutes after. The overstimulation of helpless sensation bleeds into a haze of pleasure, of humiliation, the precipice of need. He relishes in being used as Hyunjin thrusts into his mouth over and over and-

Suddenly, Felix is upright again, drool pouring out of his mouth, hips bucking into thin air. Hyunjin groans at the sight. 

“I was about to cum,” he says. Felix whines again and Hyunjin yanks his hair again. “Wanna cum inside of you, Sweetheart.” 

The words float through the haze of Felix’s mind like unattainable clouds. Hyunjin and cum and inside- 

“You with me, Baby?” Hyunjin asks a little more softly. Felix blinks and everything’s a little clearer. 

“Yeah,” he says. “M’so good, Hyung.” 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin says again; this time, there's more of an edge to his voice. “Want me to cum inside of you?” 

“Please?” 

“You can do better than that.” 

“Please, hyung, please cum inside of me, I’ll do anything – want your cum, please-” 

“Good boy,” Hyunjin coos. Finally, his fingers loosen, finding purchase instead to cup Felix’s jaw. “Take off your pants and get on the bed.” 

The command jolts through Felix’s body like a physical shock, and he’s moving before he can register making the conscious choice. He’s not the least bit ashamed because it’s Hyunjin – Hyunjin who calls him beautiful, pretty, cute, Angel. He’s naked on the bed, back arched in a way he knows looks tantalizing, peering over his shoulder as Hyunjin peels the last of his own clothes off, grabs his phone at the last message and types something rapidly. When he catches Felix looking, he smiles abashedly. 

“Just telling Seungmin to sleep in my bed and Chan-hyung to get lost-” 

“Have fun!” Comes Chan’s distant yell. 

“That was fast,” Felix notes. 

And then the shy look in Hyunjin’s eyes vanishes, swallowed by pupil. He approaches Felix slowly, gaze raking over his body. 

“God, you’re pretty,” he croons. His fingers brush at the base of Felix’s neck, much like the ministrations Felix had subjected him minutes earlier. Each tough sends shivers up Felix’s spine. “So delicate but so strong. But so goddamn pretty, even here-” 

His fingers ghost against Felix’s hole. Felix whimpers and shifts, but Hyunjin's hands move to grip his waist. 

“My turn to play with you,” he growls, voice suddenly right next to Felix’s ear. Felix whines again, desperate, but Hyunjin just chuckles, his lips trailing a path down Felix’s spine; down to the dips of his back, lower and lower, until a moment later-

“Fuck!” Felix moans. 

Hyunjin licks a stripe from Felix’s balls up to his hole. Hyunjin’s tongue circles his rim, never giving him quite the stimulation he needs, but enough that Felix’s cock is dripping steadily onto the comforter. He hears the sound of rustling, then a click and a squelch, and then Hyunjin’s tongue is joined by one of his long, lubed fingers. 

“Hyune, oh my God,” Felix whimpers. He can feel Hyunjin laugh against – laughing against him in a way he’s never felt before, a warm puff of air and the stretch of his smile as his finger curls wickedly. “Hyune, I’m - you can’t for too long, I’m so pent up-” 

“I know you are, Baby, we haven’t had a second, have we? So hard when you had to hide your pretty gold, but now I can make you glow as much as I want, can’t I?” 

Felix moans again as one finger becomes two. Hyunjin curls them again, but his other hand, semi-supporting Felix, prevents him from bucking against anything but air. 

“Would you like that? Want me to make you cum with my fingers then send you out on stage like our own personal little star?” 

“Hyung, I’m gonna cum-” 

The fingers vanish. Felix groans, pushes back as if he can chase the stimulation. “Why-?” 

“Wanna make cum on my cock,” Hyunjin laughs. 

Felix doesn’t have to wait long. A moment later, he feels the head of Hyunjin’s cock pressing against his entrance. 

When Hyunjin presses into him, it’s with a stretch so delicious that Felix practically wails. Tears immediately spring to his eyes, pouring over his cheeks. 

“Crying already?” Hyunjin whispers. But he sounds like he’s on the edge as well, pressing inch by inch. “Crying over Hyung’s cock?” 

“Yes,” Felix moans. 

Hyunjin stops moving. 

“Yes, what?”

Felix makes sure to glance over his shoulder, stretching his head back to expose the long column of his neck. “Yes, Hyung.” 

Hyunjin immediately starts moving again. Unlike the last time, he’s not rough in a way that is synonymous with fast, but rather rough in a way that is slow, claiming, all control. Felix pushes back, he whines, he chases Hyunjin’s cock with his hips, but Hyunjin maintains an agonizingly slow pace. 

“Hyung, please,” Felix begs. Hyunjin is smirking down at him, sweat dripping down his neck and his fingers pressing bruises into Felix’s hips. “Please, please-” 

“Take it, Baby,” Hyunjin barely breathes the word. “I want to feel it. Feel me. All of me.” 

Felix’s eyes roll back in his head, and his arms give out beneath him. Hyunjin pulls out, flips Felix onto his back, crawls over him. That bead of sweat drips onto Felix’s chest at the jostling, and it makes him moan again. 

“Don’t look away, Sweetheart,” Hyunjin groans as he enters him again. Felix keens at the feeling, but Hyunjin is relentless – again and again, just as slowly but consistently, he fucks Felix like he’s worshiping him, like he can imprint this moment to the very inside of Felix’s body. The angle has his cock pressing insistently against Felix’s prostate, relentless in pleasure. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Felix feels heat coiling in his stomach, spreading across his body. From this angle, he can see the tips of his wings as golden shimmers begin to spread like vines up the feathers. The glow shines brighter and brighter; Hyunjin is watching it too until Felix looks up at him. Their eyes find each other – like that first day, an inevitable spark, a force as unquestionable as gravity – and it paints Hyunjin like an otherworldly being, like a God. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Felix finds the words are drawn from him like a universal truth. Like one plus one. As certain as he is of his own name. 

“You’re everything,” Hyunjin breathes back. 

And then Felix watches as Hyunjin’s lips part, a small, perfect moan tumbling from that perfect mouth; his hips don’t stutter, not like last time. If anything the roll of them becomes more sure, somehow deeper than before. His lashes flutter, and then his eyes roll back. 

The small moan turns almost songlike at its peak, and Felix feels him cum – hot and deep and full – inside of Felix, and a moment later, Felix is cresting the edge of his own pleasure, the orgasm not a crash, but an implosion. He tightens around Hyunjin, milking him, and their moans find harmony, octaves apart. 

He can feel Hyunjin pulsing inside of him, each pulse sending another wave of pleasure coursing over Felix’s body until Hyunjin is twisting them, positioning them so Felix is laying on top of him, his wings on either side. Their blow is like blanket of starlight across the room, twinkling and warm. 

“We should shower,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“No,” Felix says. Sleep is rapidly pulling him under – the haze of bliss acting as anchor. 

“Don’t want to clean up?” 

Hyunjin sounds sleepy too. Felix smiles against his chest, because he knows he’s already won the battle. 

“Want you inside of me a little longer.” 

A huff of a laugh. It ruffles his bangs. 

“I love you,” Hyunjin says. “In case that wasn’t clear.” 

“I love you too,” Felix whispers. “And I hope it’s as obvious to everyone else as it better be to you.” 

Notes:

I hope you liked it! If felt weird writing a chapter without a fuck ton of drama and suffering, but a welcome break for sure <3

One more to go !! I will cry writing it !! It will destroy me!! It might be very long!!

love u all so much it's dumb, thank you for being here for this long -- see u either Monday or Tuesday!!

((also!! check out my Seunglix/Seungmin POV one shot added to tail feathers <3 The Observations and Hypotheses of Kim Seungmin ))

Chapter 27: we'll meet outside the blindspot

Summary:

The aftermath is oh, so sweet.

Notes:

Three things:
1. Please find the sappiest author's note at the end of this chapter.
2. I know very little about legal proceedings.
3. Lowkey crying, I can't believe it's over. Also there is so much cheesiness in this chapter holy hell.

Enjoy <3 <3 <3

It takes three days post his hospital discharge before the detectives arrive at the dorm, asking to speak with Felix. It’s Chan who answers (he’s been hesitant to leave Felix alone for too long, honest about the selfish nature of his desire), and Felix can tell just from the polite tone in his voice: it’s time. 

Felix knew they were coming. It was a given – the alleged crimes of the Bureau and the Hunters constituted crimes against humanity on an enormous scale. Investigations would be well underway, which meant witnesses would be paramount; and witnesses – surviving witnesses – weren’t exactly crawling out of the woodwork. 

All that knowing doesn’t make him feel particularly more at ease, though, to see the detectives standing expectantly in the doorway. 

“Lee Felix?” One asks. As if Felix’s face isn’t plastered on every major media source in the world. 

“That’s me,” Felix says. 

“We’re hoping to talk to you for our case against the Bureau and Jung as well as the Hunters” the detective says. He sounds apologetic, at the very least. “Specifically, we’re hoping to talk to you about what you’ve been through.”

“Is this really necessary?” Hyunjin asks, all but materializing behind Felix like a clingy shadow. He’s been plastered to Felix’s side at every opportunity since Felix’s discharge, but with actual officers there, he openly wraps his arm around Felix’s shoulders, as if daring the detectives to separate them. 

“Technically, we can’t force you to speak to us,” the Detective (Detective Park, Felix reads the name on his badge) says calmly, “but we’re hoping you’ll be willing. Yeong-su-ssi has recently woken up, and he’s agreed to cooperate with us, but your account would be valuable to have as well. We know that you were taken by the Hunters, targeted by Jung himself, and personally found the lists on the JYPE databases that correlated with strings of abducted trainees.” 

“The Sunshine list,” Felix says. “Are you … are you looking for them?” 

Detective Park nods. 

“Yes. And anything you can tell us will help us make sure that monster is put away for good.”

Felix knew, long before Detective Park began to speak, that he’d help however he could. He squeezes Hyunjin’s hand, nods at Chan, and steps to the side. “Okay, come in.” 

“Tea? Coffee?” Chan offers. 

“Water, if you have it,” Detective Park asks. 

“Do you want tea?” Hyunjin asks Felix quietly. Felix nods shyly and Chan smiles. 

“Jasmine coming right up.” 

They settle onto the couch. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Felix says. The Seunglix apartment has turned into a rotating slumber party as of late, and the couch still bears the remnants of last night’s sleepover in the form of too many blankets, pillows, and SKZoo plushies. Detective Park smiles. 

“No apology needed. We’re the ones who showed up without calling.” 

Chan reappears with water and Felix’s tea. He cradles the mug in his hands and leans against Hyunjin’s side, chasing warmth in any form. Detective Park opens his briefcase and takes out a tape recorder and a legal pad. 

“Are you okay if I record this?” He asks. 

“Of course,” Felix nods. The last thing he wants is to have to repeat anything they’re about to discuss. 

“And how much time do you have to speak with us today?” the detective continues. “I won’t lie to you, we’re going to ask you to be thorough, which means we’ll be asking a lot of questions. You can stop us at any time, or if you want we can split up our conversations over several days-” 

“We’re on a break right now,” Felix cuts him off. He glances at the clock – 9:30 AM – and takes a deep breath. “I’d rather get it all over with if that’s okay with you.” 

And Detective Park smiles. “That’s very brave of you. Okay, let’s begin. When did you first meet Jung?” 

Felix speaks. He speaks for hours. He drinks upwards of five mugs of tea, and he just keeps speaking until his voice seems to fill every inch of the apartment, until he’s sick of it. Detective Park is profoundly understanding – when Felix gets choked up the first time (when he recounts the Hunters at the loft), he doesn’t push him to keep talking. He lets Felix collect himself until he can continue speaking. At some point, Minho arrives (and Felix is pretty sure Chan texted him, because the leader doesn’t look the least bit surprised when there’s a knock at their door), and he offers to stay as well, if only to offer his own account of the award show, of their attempted kidnapping and ensuing captivity. 

Still, Detective Park asks questions, and they’re easy questions. He has to, Felix knows that, but the questions hurt almost as much as their answers. 

What do you remember about the inside of the Hunter’s van? 

I know you were in pain, but did anything pop out about the location of their headquarters? 

Do you think you could identify the Bureau agents’ voices if you heard them again? 

Hyunjin is a steady, if not at times somewhat defensive, presence at Felix’s side. He clearly wishes the detectives weren’t drawing out Felix’s memories, but he never interjects (except to describe Felix’s state after his kidnapping). 

The detectives ask him about his meetings with Yeong-su as well. They ask him about everyone he spoke with at the fitting, at the fashion show, at the after party. They ask him about different employees working at JYPE. They ask him about the Sanctus Bell and Dr. Kang and Wooyoung.

“I’ll be honest with you, since you’ve been honest with us,” Detective Park finally says. “The Korean court system is going to be flooded with trials against the Bureau and the Hunters alike. Our taskforce has been working around the clock to search for the missing Angels. We want to bring these monsters to justice, but it’s going to take time.” 

“Okay,” Felix nods; his voice is raspy from overuse. 

“They’re probably going to ask you to testify, Felix,” he says. 

Felix closes his eyes, his chest tight and his skin achy, like he’s been dragged over a rough surface for the past, oh God, seven hours. 

“Will Jung be there?” Hyunjin growls. The first words he’s spoken so far. Detective Park grimaces. 

“Yes. He, specifically, is being tried first. As the face of the Bureau operations, we have the most impetus – both internally and publicly – to put him behind bars for good. We’re also hoping he’ll cooperate, upon realizing that he has no other options, and give us information we might need.” 

Hyunjin turns to face Felix. He braces for protests (Baby, you don’t have to do this; Baby, it’s too dangerous, you’re still too traumatized.) 

So it’s all the more surprising when he says. “Baby, you can do this. I’ll be with you the whole time, if you want.” 

I’ll be with you the whole time. 

Felix nods, looks at Detective Park. “Just tell me when.” 

---

The trial, a mere week later, is horrible. 

Well, objectively, it goes well. Felix can see the horror in the jury members’ eyes, feel the tension that floods the room as he tells the world about what happened to him. Even Jung’s lawyer is gentle with him. 

But Jung is there. He is there, and he just glares at Felix the whole time. 

Don’t look at him, Hyunjin had said. Look at me. Look at us.

So he does. The whole trial, he speaks to Hyunjin and the other members, all seated in the very front row. It doesn’t make his testimony any easier to get through, but it protects him from risking eye contact with Jung. 

Felix barely remembers leaving the courtroom after his testimony, and when he gets home, the trauma has been fully dredged up, deep from the well to the surface of Felix’s every thought and action. For two days after, doors remain open, silverware is swapped with wooden cutlery, and movements are made obvious once again. 

“It’s like I never got better,” Felix tearfully confesses to Chan when Felix, for the second night in a row, finds himself too frightened to sleep. “I feel like I’m going backwards.” 

Chan pulls him into a hug. “It’s okay, Little One. We’re going to get you some help.” 

---

Some help is an understatement. 

Mandatory therapy for all eight of them, scheduled for the next day. 

No one would ever say Chan was one to abandon a promise, after all. 

Still, Felix feels like all he’s done for the past few days is talk about what happened to him. To say he’s dreading his first appointment with Dr. Lim, licensed therapist and trauma specialist, would be an understatement. 

But some of that dread is replaced with shock when he enters her office. 

Because Dr. Lim’s eyes shine with gold when they shake hands. 

More than that – she has her wings. 

“You’re an Angel,” he says simply as he takes a seat on the couch across from her. 

“I am,” she confirms. “Is that okay?” 

“Of course!” Felix exclaims. “I just … it still feels really surreal to meet people like us.” 

“Trust me, I relate,” she laughs. “It’s amazing, but jarring after all this time alone. And, I hope, it’ll be easier to speak to me about how you’re feeling, if only a little; I believe that’s why your leader sought me out specifically. He said you might be in need of some help, which brings me to my first question,” she leans back in her chair and crosses her legs. “What would you like to talk about today?” 

Felix blinks at her. He’s never been to therapy – he had to talk to a psychologist at the hospital after debut, but it was purely to assure him, and the company, that he was going to be okay to return to his schedules. And he’s been to confession, but there were rules at confessions, lines to say, cues to follow, half-truths to unveil while their other halves remained tamped down. 

Bless me, my Father, for I have sinned. It has been far too long since my last confession … But Dr. Lim doesn’t prompt him, she just waits. And she doesn’t want Felix’s sins, she wants his feelings, his thoughts; his truth. 

His stomach churns with discomfort. “Don’t I have to tell you about what happened to me?” he asks. 

Dr. Lim hums thoughtfully. “If you want. Or you can tell me about something else. I know you’re under a lot of mental stress right now having given your testimony and with the final verdict coming up, so I would understand if you’d rather not speak about what you went through again. I also know you have a North American tour soon, right? Maybe you want to talk about that?” 

Felix stares at his palms. There has to be a right answer, a something she wants him to say, a conclusion he’s meant to find. 

“Felix,” she says again. “This is your therapy. You can’t get it wrong.”

“I can’t get it wrong,” he echoes, if only to speak. 

She taps her finger on her leg and then opens her palm, as if offering him an option. “How about you tell me something unrelated to your wings, to everything that’s happened since your maturation. Something before your wings.” 

Felix chews at his lip and stares at the painting above Dr. Lim’s head. It’s a landscape painting, a field with flowers, bright blue sky, sunshine gleaming.  

Before your wings. God, it’s hard to remember what that time was even like. Before the car crash, back when Felix’s stress was still there – just shifted. Back when he was anxious about his physical therapy, about his brand deals, about letting the team down. Back when he watched Hyunjin through studio mirrors and bit back feelings like they were the food he was depriving himself of just to cope.  

“I was stressed before,” he finally says. 

“Okay,” Dr. Lim nods. “What would you say was making you stressed?” 

Everything? Is the instinctive answer; but it’s not a helpful answer, Felix knows that. 

“I think,” Felix finally says, “that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. Not idol pressure but … but human pressure? I’m supposed to be Stray Kid’s Sunshine, but … I guess it was getting frustrating to have to shine the same way everyday.” 

Dr. Lim leans forward. 

“Tell me about that.” 

And Felix does. For their first three sessions, she lets Felix vent. She lets him talk about the expectation to be happy and cheerful, the disproportionate chasm that would widen when he wasn’t happy. She lets him talk about anger – what if feels like, what it looks like, where it lives in his body, and he, in turn, tells her about the well of rage he’s only recently discovered inside of himself. She lets him talk about his fear of being weak, being vulnerable, being helped, but how that very fear only ever seems to hurt the people around him. 

“You don’t have to ask for help in big ways, Felix,” she reminds him. “Sometimes, just telling someone that you’re feeling scared or uncertain takes a weight off that you didn’t even realize you were carrying. Lying about feeling okay doesn’t help anyone.” 

“It’s scary, though,” he whispers. “It’s scary being that honest. I don’t want to push them away.” 

“But that’s love, Felix. Being honest enough that you let yourself be completely seen.” 

---

Felix swallows despite the fact that his throat has been dry since he woke up. The tie around his neck isn’t helping in the slightest, but no matter how much he tugs at the knot, the pressure never lessens. 

It’s been three weeks since the award show, and even though Stray Kids has been allotted more rest and relaxation than at any other point in their career, there was no escaping this particular task. 

Because JYP himself might be able to swing Stray Kids a break, and JYPE may be swarming with taskforce authority members as they comb through employments records and computer drives, but there’s not much he can do in the face of the Korean legal system.

Felix takes another deep breath as the car pulls up to the courthouse. The press lines the street in swarms, and even though the sun above is bright, the flashes of their cameras still seem blinding. 

They just want a story, a reaction. Don’t give them one, Chan had said. 

Felix stares at his phone and sends one last text to Hyunjin before he’ll have to shut it off for the next hour or so.  

that’s not very nice

Fairy <3: i’m really scared, hyune

Prince <3: And that makes total sense. It’ll all be okay, baby, I promise. I really wish we’d been allowed to be there with you.

Fairy <3: me too. u have no idea.

Prince <3: Text me when you’re out, okay? 

Fairy <3: i will 

Fairy <3: love you 

Prince <3: Love you too, Lixie

 

Felix’s manager places a comforting hand on Felix’s knee. 

“You ready?” he asks. “It’s gonna be a lot once we step out there, but I’ve been assured that press inside is under explicit instruction not to ask any questions.” 

“Yeah,” Felix swallows again. His manager passes him another bottle of water. “Let’s get this over with.” 

The driver opens the door for Felix and he focuses on the courtroom entrance alone; anything to avoid looking at the lightning flashes of cameras and the sudden wave of microphones and tape recorders being pointed in his direction. A circle of bodyguards encases Felix within a moment, but the reporters are relentless, and the questions batter against him like stones. 

“Felix, Felix, is it true that you personally worked with authorities to help build the case against the Bureau?”

“Accounts state that Jung is appealing for a plea deal if he provides information about the abducted Angels – how do you feel about that?” 

“Felix, do you plan to weigh in on the ongoing debate regarding Angel rights?” 

Felix remains tight-lipped and neutral as they press forward. He’s dressed in a simple suit, one he’d had altered to allow his wings to pop out from the slits in the back. He holds them tight against his body as his security team pushes through the crowd and into the courthouse. 

The door closes behind them, and Felix relaxes – inwardly, of course; outwardly, he’s cool and unaffected. 

“We have ten minutes until the verdict will be given,” his manager says. “He’s already waiting inside-” 

“Let’s go,” Felix nods. 

The courtroom is packed, but as soon as Felix enters, all eyes are on him and, more noticeably, his wings. He ignores the stares, immediately sliding into the pew at the front of the room and behind the only face he cares to recognize. 

“Are you okay?” Felix asks immediately, and Yeong-su jumps like he’s been shocked. 

There’s no denying the fact that Yeong-su will be working through his trauma for the foreseeable future. Beyond just the pain he’s undergone, there’s mountains of brainwashing to be reversed. While Yeong-su may hate his father, he confessed to Felix, upon waking, that he was struggling to absorb just how much he’d been put through by the Bureau as a whole. Jung had spoken of rewards and punishments, and it’s clear that those brief moments of kindness – those rewards – registered as genuine care and love to Yeong-su, despite the fact that they were often basic human necessities and nothing. 

It was helping that pulled him out of his head – working with detectives and lawyers and human rights officials to put his father behind bars, to bring the Bureau to justice, to track down legions of Hunters still in hiding. 

The court case has taken a toll on him, but he still looks miles more sure of himself than he did the first day he testified. 

(That day had been rough. Multiple recesses were called simply to allow the room to breathe. Felix remembers watching a jury member dash from the room, her hand pressed over her mouth, nauseated from the details Yeong-su shared). 

“I’m okay,” Yeong-su nods. “Our lawyers seem confident that, even if they offer a plea deal, it won’t affect how long he’s locked up – he just might get a cozier cell for the rest of his life.” 

Yeong-su says it like he’s reminding himself as much as he’s informing Felix – as if he’s been reminding himself that his father is, indeed, detained and can no longer wield his power over his son. 

“Nice wings by the way,” Yeong-su cracks a small grin. Felix blushes. 

“It feels so weird to have them out. I keep forgetting, catching a glimpse of my reflection, and panicking.” 

“It’s a new world for us now,” Yeong-su shrugs; another reminder. “Do you know who called me about a modeling gig?” 

Without his double life as a Bureau mole, Yeong-su has fallen back on the only job he’s known: modeling (‘It was the only way I was able to talk to other people’, he’d explained. ‘And… I like fashion. I like the artistry there.’)

“Who?” Felix grins. 

“Victoria’s Secret,” he snorts. “They want me at their show. They want to put me in a pair of wings and everything.” 

Felix stifles his giggles, but only just – they are in a courtroom after all. “That’s amazing! Oh my God, you must be so excited!” 

Yeong-su blushes, and his eyes flicker gold again. “Yeah. They said they don’t care that I have the scars on my back, or a healed bullet wound on my stomach. Apparently, rugged is sexy.” 

Felix thinks, unbiddingly, of Hyunjin–

“I thought I’d be late!” 

Wooyoung’s sudden arrival at his right cuts off that line of thinking. Wooyoung looks tired, but happy; now that he’s thinking about it, all three of them look tired but happy. 

“Right on time,” Yeong-su says. 

“How is she?” Felix asks. 

Wooyoung’s smile at the question is tired, too, but satisfied. “Better today. It’s gonna take a while until she’s ready to speak with anyone who isn’t family, but her case worker seems optimistic. She made a joke today – apparently humor is a good indication for overcoming trauma – and she doesn’t seem to have any defensiveness for the Bureau. Quite the opposite – she fucking hates them.” 

Wooyoung’s cousin; long thought dead by authorities, prayed to be alive by her family, found half an hour from Seoul the whole time; undoubtedly and undeniably in conditions far more painful and terrifying that even Felix’s wildest nightmares can fathom.

After the award show, getting people out of the venue and tending to the wounded was priority, but as soon as attendees and staff were confirmed safe or stable, searching for the missing trainees immediately became paramount. Felix knows the list is long – far longer than just a document buried in the JYPE database, spanning entertainment companies and agencies across the country – but public outcry was a powerful thing; people demanded justice, and the search began mere hours after the chaos award show was over. 

Yeong-su was the linchpin, the key to unlocking all of the evidence needed; he’d barely been conscious for more than a day before he was insisting that he meet with legal authorities, and despite his doctors’ (and Felix and Wooyoung’s) collective insistence that he rest, Yeong-su was determined. 

If Felix spoke to the detective for hours, Yeong-su spoke for days. It seemed like any time Felix or Wooyoung visited him at the hospital, there was a pair of detectives either waiting to speak with or having just finished talking to Yeong-su. It worked, though; the location of the Bureau’s headquarters was identified, key names gathered, and stings enacted across Korea. All the while, Jung remained in custody, helpless to stop his empire from falling. 

The identity and number of those rescued has been kept under wraps, but at least Felix gets to know that one Angel was found; at least he gets to see the relief in Wooyoung’s eyes. 

The door opens, and any lightheartedness is sapped from the room the moment Jung is led forward by two police officers. He looks smaller in the prison jumpsuit, but his eyes are every bit as angry as they had been when he’d held a gun to Hyunjin’s head, finding Felix and Yeong-su immediately. Felix tightens his hand around Yeong-su’s, wishes he could absorb even some of the tension that floods the other Angel’s body. 

He can’t hurt you, he can’t hurt you, he can’t hurt you, Felix wishes he could scream the words into Yeong-su’s ear. 

The judge introduces the trial as if press and public alike haven’t been following the case since Jung and the other Bureau agents were taken into custody. Intrigue only grew when a legion of Hunters was busted near Incheon mere days after the award show. 

Felix knows that the horrors of the Bureau and Hunters alike probably go far deeper than he will ever know. He knows that the case against Jung is only a public battle of what has to be a much larger, legal war burning beneath the surface of redacted paperwork and red tape. But at the end of the day, it’s out of his hands. All he can do is be there for Yeong-su, for Wooyoung, for Dai, and for the other Angels who reach out. 

“-and now we come the verdict…” 

Felix snaps out of his thoughts at the judge’s words and the bone-crushing grip Yeong-su applies to fingers. The air feels static, and if Felix didn’t know better, he’d think time had once again frozen. 

“The people of the court of Korea find the defendant-” 

Yeong-su, Felix, and Wooyoung lean forward; Felix’s feathers twitch. 

“-guilty on all charges.”

The response is immediate. Cheers. The judge attempts to regain order, but she’s smiling. A knot in Felix’s chest loosens, warmth spreading all the way to the tips of his feathers and he finds himself jumping up and down, Wooyoung’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and tears pricking both of their eyes. 

Yeong-su just smiles; not at Felix, not at Wooyoung, but at Jung – at his father – as the man is dragged to his feet and led out of the court. 

“You did it!” Felix pulls Yeong-su into a hug. Yeong-su spares his father one last glance before he’s joining the embrace.

“We did it,” he grins. “We did it.” 

 

Two Months Later

The air is warm and sweet with early October heat, sweat, and the screams of thousands of Stays. Felix knows his makeup is likely melted by now, despite the copious amounts of setting spray, and his hair is fluffy and curling at the ends, but he could sweat himself into a puddle for all he cares. He’s too damn happy. 

It’s the final show of their global tour – and it’s Sydney. He’s Aussie-Aussie-Aussie’d at least a dozen times, and every single Oi-Oi-Oi has been music to his ears. He’s not the only one, either. Chan is uninhibited, wild on stage, like the Australian air has recharged him into overdrive. The other members always love the Australia shows – in part because they get to play Australian, flex the knowledge they’ve since picked up from Felix and Chan, but also because they get to see Felix and Chan in their element. 

(The night before the show, Hyunjin confessed that he loved how much thicker Felix’s accent got. So that’s a plus as well.)

The set ends with a raucous, encore-demanding torrent of cheers. They duck backstage, a tangle of interlocked hands and arms, a chorus of breathless giggles. Chan in particular wraps Felix in a bone crushing hug, smacks a loud kiss on his cheek, and grins. 

“God, I missed this!” He says; his accent is ten times stronger, has been since their plane touched down a week and a half ago. They built in buffer time, time see their families, time to sink their toes into the sand and splash in the water; time to drag the members to their favorite restaurants, to backyard barbecues; time for Felix’s mom to confess, tearfully, that she should have known, that his great aunt had scars on her back and gold in her eyes as well. 

“It’s so good to be back here,” Felix agrees; tears have been ebbing and flowing against his lashline all night – and it’s a given anytime they’re home performing – but he’s managed to bite back any real sobs thus far. The members are doing their best to distract him too; anytime Felix feels himself getting emotional at the choral echo of their own songs sung back to them from Stay, Minho is there dancing with him like a lunatic, or Changbin is making suggestive, fan-service advances on him. 

Hyunjin hip checks him, then pulls him into a back hug despite the fact that Felix’s entire body is certainly coated in sweat. He has a garment bag in hand, familiar at this point in their tour, and he playfully bats it against Felix’s head. 

“You ready to show them what they’ve been waiting for, Angel?”

Felix drops his head back on Hyunjin’s shoulder and grins at him. “Will you help me put it on-?” 

“Nope,” Changbin bursts forward, separating the couple. “The last time Jinnie ‘helped’, you were gone for fifteen minutes and Lix wouldn’t stop glowing until the encore was over.” 

Felix blushes, and Hyunjin tries very valiantly to not look proud. 

“C’mon, oh twin of mine,” Jisung rolls his eyes and drags Felix further backstage so he can change. 

He strips off his white jacket and crop top, leaving him only in the elastic wrappings. 

Felix had been the one to insist that he keep his wings bound for the concerts, much to the protest of both the members and their management team. Of course, management wants to profit on Felix’s wings, just like Felix assumed they would. It’s the members, though, who almost convinced him. 

‘You don’t have to hide anymore, though!’ Jeongin had whined – full blown maknae pout, no holds barred. 

‘Are you worried about hate comments?’ Hyunjin had frowned. 

‘I don’t want to be Angel Felix out there,’ Felix had said simply. ‘I want to be Stray Kid’s Felix. The wings would just be distracting.’ 

And no one could argue with that, even though a part of Felix had yearned to appear on stage as purely himself. Wings at all, but accepted just as that–

‘If you don't want your wings out for the main set, I think I have a compromise,’ Chan had grinned. 

“This thing stinks,” Jisung wrinkles his nose as he unwraps the elastic. 

“Seeing as I’ve been sweating in it for five hours, I’m not surprised,” Felix says, but he is fast to chuck the elastic into his bag as quickly as possible. When he turns, Jisung is holding the tanktop open. “Aw, Sungie, helping me get dressed?” 

“Shh, baby, don’t flirt so loudly, our boyfriends are right there-” 

“And they have very good hearing!” Minho drawls from where he and Hyunjin watch, equal parts amused and intrigued. Jisung and Felix giggle as Jisung helps him into the top. It’s closer to a fitted vest, white fabric with gold embellishments like the rest of their encore outfits; the only distinguishing feature of the garment is the two sturdy slits sewn into the back. Felix slides his wings through them, the feeling of Australian air, as muggy as it is backstage, like liquid heaven on the now-free feathers. 

“Innie?” Felix calls over his shoulder. The maknae is there in a moment, and Felix bats his lashes dramatically. “Can you pretty please make my feathers look less like they’ve been squished for a whole concert?” 

Jeongin smirks, cracks his knuckles, and a moment later, Felix is melting. Jeongin remains the most thorough feather-groomer of all of the members, but as a consequence, Felix fights bonelessness with every straightened and fluffed feather. 

“Don’t put him into a coma, please,” Chan calls. “The last thing we need is a sleepy kitten trying to fly through the air.” 

“Just admit that I’m the superior wing groomer, Hyung,” Jeongin shrugs. He continues to drag his fingers through Felix’s feather’s, eliciting something close to a purr from his chest. “Insecurity isn’t very becoming on a leader-” 

“Guys, places in five,” a manager calls. The timing prevents Chan from getting a dig in, but he manages to pinch Jeongin on the cheek before the younger can duck away. “Felix, you ready?” 

Felix turns to Hyunjin immediately. Despite the fact that they’ve done this literal song and dance dozens of shows in a row, the familiar knot of anxiety worms its way into his throat. 

“How do I look?” he asks. 

It’s code, obvious code for the late night conversations where Felix has confessed his fears: What if it’s still dangerous? What if the fans boo me off the stage? What if my wings aren’t all that special? 

“You look like you,” Hyunjin smiles. 

We have extra security. Everyone is looking out for you. You look beautiful. The fans love you. I love you. 

Felix doesn’t bother climbing to the catwalk. Instead, the members and venue staff alike take several steps back before he extends his wings, then shoots up into the air to land on one of the walkways. 

(The first time he did this, he nearly had a panic attack – immediately thrust back into the memory of the night of the award show. They’d had to send Hyunjin up to comfort him, to talk him down, before the encore could continue.) 

Now, though, Felix creeps across the walkway, mindful of any eagle-eyed fans that might somehow catch a glimpse of his wings, and stops dead center, downstage. He loops one leg over the railing and adjusts his microphone. 

“Ready, Felix?” Someone asks over his in-ear. 

The crowd falls to a hush as the stage lights beneath him dim, and he’s left staring out at an ocean of softly-glowing golden Light Sticks. He peers down and sees the members waiting, crouched, behind the stage platforms, all grinning up at him. 

The opening strums to Cover Me float like petals across the venue. Raucous cheering blooms in their wake, though it quiets quickly. 

The fans know this moment, have likely seen the hundreds of TikToks recorded from the previous shows of the Air Beneath tour. They all know that this song, in particular, was instrumental to Felix’s maturation, to his survival. 

“Good to drop.” 

Felix takes a deep breath, swings his other leg over the rail and falls. 

His wings immediately catch him. He’s long since perfected the micro-flutters that allow him to hover with minimal flapping. As he falls, a single golden spotlight illuminates him, and the crowd loses it. 

He barely gets through the first line without crying. 

He was hoping that by the final performance, he’d have a better hold on the emotions, but like all the shows before, the audience stares back at him – him, flying, wings out and eyes a bit gold – with nothing but awe and acceptance, and there are signs that weren’t there during the rest of the show. Stay <3 Stray Kid’s Angel and Felix – you make my heart sore and little Bbokaris cutouts with angel wings

While he sings the opening lines, he lets himself lower towards the stage, but his feet never touch. The members join him on either side, and both Minho and Hyunjin offer him their hands to pull him fully back to earth – they’d done it at the first encore and it had become a part of the choreography at some point, the gentle heat of their hands pulling him down to earth so achingly reassuring. 

 He doesn’t want his wings out during the full show, but he can’t deny how good it feels to stand on stage in front of thousands exactly as he is – Felix and his feathers in all their golden glory. He doesn’t take to the air much the rest of the encore – occasionally he flits between platforms, or swoops down one of the runways to catch a member off guard. At one point he grabs Minho’s water gun for an aerial attack on the front rows – but for the most part, he just remains with the Kids. 

They close the show with Blindspot, and it’s Felix’s favorite, selfish moment. As the first chorus builds, he sprints towards the front of the stage, wings ready, and launches himself into the crowd. He soars a wide loop, all the way up to the nosebleed seats and down again. The reaction is insane – the entire venue is shaking and as Felix passes overhead, fans call his name. He makes a show of twisting and turning through the air, throwing finger hearts and winks at the faces below him. 

“Yah, Yongbok-ah!” 

“Come back, Angel!” 

Changbin and Hyunjin call to him over the speakers. He rolls his eyes at a group of Stays (ugh, these guys, am I right?) and spirals up until he’s higher than any other structure in the arena. Then, he freefalls down just in time to sing his lines of the second chorus, Changbin’s arm tight around his shoulders. 

The eight of them, as it always should be, despite the wings, or maybe even closer now because of them.

And when the stage lights finally go down, Felix wraps them all beneath his wings, and no one teases him for the tears on his cheeks until much, much later. 

---

“I can’t wait to get back to Seoul,” Changbin groans once they’re back at the hotel. “I need to sleep for a week.” 

“I can get you three days before it’s back to work,” Chan snorts. “The new album won’t demo itself.” 

“I can’t believe we’re done with the tour,” Jisung says, a little wistfully, a lot exhausted. 

“On one hand, I’ll be more than happy if I never see an airport another day in my life,” Jeongin says. “On the other hand … I’ll miss this tour. I’ll miss being with you idiots all day.” 

“Aw, our sweet little maknae,” Chan coos. Jeongin wrinkles his nose, but he doesn’t make any effort to evade the kiss Chan presses on his forehead. It turns into a bit of a cuddle pile, poor Jeongin in the middle. Felix finds himself pressed between Jeongin and Hyunjin, Jisung half-draped across the three of them and his head in Minho’s lap. Felix snuggles closer against Jeongin’s side and pulls Hyunjin’s arm more tightly around him. 

“Uh-oh, Lix is about to fall asleep,” Changbin chuckles. 

“Let me,” Felix pouts. “My wings are tired.” 

“Oh, poor baby,” Hyunjin coos. “How tired?” 

Felix doesn’t miss the suggestive note in Hyunjin’s voice. His feathers twitch. 

“No!” Minho wails, sitting up and jostling Felix’s head in the process. “No, your room is next to ours, I’m begging you-” 

“Funny, you didn’t give us the same consideration last night,” Hyunjin teases. Felix grins, pitches his voice up despite neither Minho nor Jisung sounding like a minion in the slightest. 

“Oh, Hannie, you feel so goooood-” 

“Aish!” Minho pulls a pillow from behind his head, leans over the cuddle pile, and proceeds to smother Hyunjin. Hyunjin flails dramatically until he can free himself and yank the pillow-slash-attempted murder weapon from Minho’s grip.

“What the fuck! I didn’t even do the impression, Lix did!” 

Seungmin cackles from where he’s squished next to Changbin. “You thought Minho-hyung was gonna hit his little kitten? Congrats, Jinnie, your life as a proxy for Minho’s rage has begun.” 

Hyunjin sits up further (despite Felix’s whine of protest) and grabs a pillow of his own. “You wanna go, Puppy? I’ve been putting in hours at the gym, I’ll show you-” 

“Okay, it’s bed time!” Chan claps his hands. “Everyone get the fuck out and try not to kill each other. Or fuck each other too loudly. Please.” 

---

Dai makes it a meter into the air before he shrieks, arms windmilling, and crashes back onto the piles of beanbags that have, once again, been pulled to the center of the loft’s floor. Jaesang looks like he’s in physical pain at the sight, but Dai just cackles. 

“Lix did that too,” Jisung snorts. “What goes up must come down, I guess.” 

He, Hyunjin, and Jaesang are at the edge of the beanbag pile for Dai’s first flying lesson. Felix swore, as soon as the tour was done, that he’d give the younger Angel a tutorial, and Dai’s obvious enthusiasm was so strong, even across messenger, that Felix couldn’t stand pushing the lesson off, despite his jet lag. 

“I didn’t scream that high pitched,” Felix protests from where he hovers, wings lazily flapping to keep him airborne. 

“It was high pitched for you,” Hyunjin points out. 

“Et tu, Brute?” Felix scoffs. He does a little back flip in the air, hand pressed to his chest like a scorned Victorian lady. 

“Stop showing off,” Dai whines. “You’re doing tricks and I’m like a baby bird.” 

Felix giggles and swoops low so he’s bobbing mere feet above where Dai lays. “You’re a baby Angel, not a baby bird. Stop beating yourself up.” 

Dai sits up. His hair sticks out at all angles and his feathers are ruffled and irritated. 

In the months past his maturation, Dai’s wings have grown visibly fluffier and now reach to a similar length as Felix’s. From what the younger has told him, controlling his instincts has remained the most significant hurdle (‘One of our instructors told Minsoo he needed to work on his visuals and I basically hissed at him’). Hopefully, putting some of those instincts towards flying will help him find a balance. 

Now, though, Dai looks so adorably frustrated that Felix can’t figure out whether to hum in sympathy or ruffle his hair into further, baby-bird disarray. 

“You’re doing just as well as I did the first time I tried flying,” Felix explains. Hyunjin walks over and tugs at Felix’s ankle until Felix lands, the purpose of the action seemingly only to wrap an arm around Felix’s waist. 

“Lix ate shit, like, fifteen times,” Hyunjin says. Felix scoffs.

“I’d like to see you fly, Hwang!” 

“So how’d you go from falling to doing backflips?” Dai pouts. Felix grimaces, and Jisung cackles. 

“He threw himself off a cliff to save Chan-hyung.” 

Dai’s pout drops open. “Oh.” 

“Maybe we just keep falling for now,” Jaesang raises a brow. 

“Focus on feeling your instincts while you fly,” Felix suggests. “When I fly, I’m not thinking about every little movement, I’m just feeling what needs to happen. Remember, your-” 

“Wings are a part of me, not separate,” Dai finishes for Felix. His wings twitch with more frustration, and Felix drops down onto the bean bags next to him. He runs a hand over the back of Dai’s wings until the feathers lay flat and calm. 

“There’s no rush on this,” Felix tells him. “Every day, you’re getting better and better at connecting with your instincts, and every time you practice flying, you’ll be exercising those instincts even more. Just take it at your own pace. Step by step, like dancing.” 

He can’t help but glance up at Hyunjin, whose small, knowing smile tells Felix that he remembers saying those very things to Felix himself. 

“Now come on, go again. This time, focus on where you feel the heat in your body, okay?” 

Felix holds out his hand and Dai blushes as he’s pulled to standing. 

“Don’t focus on doing better, focus on learning more about how it feels right now, okay?” 

After another hour, Dai is no longer catapulting to the ground, but gently drifting to his feet. He’s certainly several sessions away from any kind of soaring, but Felix can tell Dai is proud of his progress. 

“Your feathers are all ruffled,” Jaesang says. He gently straightens the feathers, his fingers combing across his wings so tenderly that Felix is tempted to look away. Dai’s cheeks are bright red, and he’s biting his lip so hard that Felix is surprised he doesn’t draw blood. 

“I’m exhausted,” Dai says breathlessly. 

“I’ll get you some water!” Jaesang straightens immediately, looking at Hyunjin. “Do you have-” 

“Yeah, we’ve got a fridge,” Hyunjin nods. “Come on, I’ll show. Do you want anything, Angel?” 

“Energy drink, please,” Felix beams at him. 

“On it,” Hyunjin winks at him. Jisung rolls his eyes and follows Hyunjin and Jaesang to the mini fridge. 

Dai watches the three meander towards the minifridge, then lays back against the beanback. “We dance for eight hours a day, why am I tired?” 

“New muscles,” Felix says. “The first time I flew, I felt like my back was made of jelly.” 

“I feel like all of me is made of jelly,” Dai snorts. His eyes are still locked on Jaesang. “My brain too. It’s weird – I had no clue I was an Angel, neither did my members, and even though I have two entire wings on my back and freaky glowing eyes, nothing has really changed. I should be … I should be happy about that, right? So much could have gone wrong, it’s good that everything’s basically the same…” 

Dai’s expression is the definitional picture of longing. 

Felix would know. He used to see it on himself. 

“Do you want things to change?” Felix asks. 

“No!” Dai insists. “I still want to debut. I still want to be an idol. And I don't want them to treat me differently even though the whole world is different now. I just…” 

There goes that bambi-eyed gaze again, back to Jaesang. 

“You know,” Felix says slowly. “Just because things ended up better than you expected, doesn’t mean you still can’t want more.”

Dai is quiet for a moment, but his fingers are twisting in his lap, and his feathers are furling with something unsaid.  

“They all love me so much that sometimes I think I’ll burn with it,” Dai confesses with a whisper. Finally, his eyes slide back to Felix. “And sometimes I think … how is it that I deserve them? I didn’t know I could care like this? And I still want more? Am I so selfish?” 

Felix could laugh. What was it Hyunjin had said? I know I’m being selfish. I just can’t lose you again. 

“It’s not selfish,” Felix says to Dai, just like he’d said to Hyunjin. “I think it’s just love. And I think loving someone, letting yourself be loved … being in love – that’s brave. It’s brave to look someone in the eyes, hand them your heart, and ask them to keep it.” 

Thank you, Dr. Lim, Felix thinks to himself. 

“When did you hand him your heart, then?” Dai asks. 

And wow, Dai is braver than Felix ever was. Like he knows he’s obvious in his crush, obvious enough that there’s no use beating around the bush. 

Felix grins. “About seven years after I fell in love with him.” 

Dai chokes. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, it took both of us a little while to be brave,” Felix fiddles with the locket on his neck. “Our members bore the brunt of the suffering.” 

“I think Joonwoo is going to strangle me,” Dai laughs. “He says that if I keep staring at Jae during dance practice, my pupils are going to turn into little hearts.” 

“Could be worse,” Felix snorts. “I used to wake Jisung up to talk about how pretty Hyunjin’s mole was. I don’t know how he let me live this long.” 

Dai cackles. Immediately, Jaesang looks over – at first in shock at the noise, and then with such adoration that Hyunjin visibly stifles a coo and Jisung bites his fist to stifle his laughs. Dai doesn’t notice, and Felix wonders how many signs, how many little glances, he himself may have missed. 

“I guarantee one of your other members is dealing with the exact same crap from Jaesang,” Felix promises. “In the end, I had to bring it up with Jinnie; after I got my wings, all I wanted was for my life to stay the same – in the sense that I wanted to keep performing, to stay in Seoul with my members; I didn’t wanna hide. Hyunjinnie was worried that when I said I didn’t want things to change, that meant our relationship, too.” 

Dai’s wings flutter as he considers Felix’s words. “So maybe … maybe he’s waiting for me.” 

“Maybe,” Felix nods. 

“But how will I know?” Dai pleads. “Hyung, I … I really think I love him.” 

And his eyes flash a little gold. 

Felix smiles. “You won’t know,” he admits, “and it’s terrifying. But that’s love. Terrifying.” 

Dai rolls his eyes. Their wings brush against each other, curling together in something close to linked hands. 

“Hey, hyung?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you think he likes me back?” 

Felix looks over his shoulder. Hyunjin and Jisung are grinning knowingly. Jaesang is still watching Dai like he single-handedly invented music, bunny rabbits, and the concept of joy. 

“Yeah,” Felix laughs. He tightens his wings until their feathers are fully linked. “I think he likes you back.” 

---

“Thought I’d find you up here.” 

Felix jumps and has to hold onto the branch above him to keep from toppling over. 

Dai and Jaesang have long since left, and Hyunjin had insisted on getting a snack for him and Felix while they wait for the other members to arrive, Jisung departing to help Minho get food for the small end-of-tour party they’re throwing.

The day has been so warm, so bright, and Felix had lingered inside the loft for maybe two minutes before gravitating to the rooftop garden; before he’d settled himself amongst the tree branches and watched the leaves dance across the blue sky. 

Hyunjin places a bag on the small garden table (from Felix’s favorite boba spot, and wow he loves this man) and wanders closer to the tree. 

“It’s too nice out to be inside,” Felix shrugs. 

Hyunjin smiles, his lip catching on his teeth. “Mind staying like that for a moment?” 

Felix’s stomach flips hopefully. “Why, gonna paint me like one of your french girls?” 

And Hyunjin goes positively pink. Felix honestly didn’t expect that to be the case. “I … I have a piece that I’m almost done with, but … well, are you gonna sit pretty for me or not?” 

“Low blow,” Felix mumbles, immediately flustered. Hyunjin grins again. 

“Don’t move, Sweetheart.” 

Felix tries not to squirm an inch as Hyunjin crawls back into the loft. He returns a moment later with a canvas and easel, as well as his set of paints, though Felix notices that he’s keeping the canvas turned resolutely away from Felix’s gaze. Hyunjin is methodical in the easel’s placement, his eyes narrowed as he assesses lighting and arranges his brushes. 

“How do you want me?” Felix asks. And if he makes his voice a little breathy, just to tease back? Well, Hyunjin’s choked cough and raised brow tells him he’s about as transparent as glass. 

“You’re perfect as you are,” Hyunjin answers softly. “Perfect face, perfect wings.”

Felix’s wings flutter just-so at the compliment; Hyunjin laughs. 

It’s so reminiscent of how things were merely a few months ago – Felix perched in a tree, Hyunjin at his canvas, the sky clear and blue and the sun warm and perfect where it hits his skin. Except now, Felix isn’t guiltily stealing a moment with Hyunjin while simultaneously fighting against his own maturation, and Hyunjin isn’t lacing compliments under the guise of color matching and brushstrokes. 

“Do you remember when you brought me here for the first time?” Felix asks. 

“Of course.” Hyunjin doesn’t pause his painting, but his brows furrow a bit. “I honestly didn’t think I’d convince you to come. You’d been giving everyone the slip, I figured I wouldn’t be any different-” 

“Except I had a big stupid crush on you and would have jumped off a cliff if you’d asked,” Felix laughs. Hyunjin’s brushstrokes pause. 

“I think you like jumping off cliffs a little too much,” he grumbles. “Also, had a big stupid crush? I was under the impression you were still very much crushing on me.” 

“Maybe,” Felix tilts his head coyly, “depends on if you keep bringing me boba.” 

“Ah, I knew it,” Hyunjin sighs dramatically. “Here I thought you were into me for my dashing good looks and ability to make you orgasm. I should have known it was just for the boba.” 

Felix can’t help but throw his head back and laugh. At the last second, he catches a glimpse of Hyunjin’s expression, canvas finally forgotten; his smile is achingly fond. 

“Do you know,” Felix says, “that the last time I was up here, I was imagining you confessing to me?” 

“Really?” Hyunjin asks. He sounds legitimately surprised, and Felix feels himself pouting. 

“Well, yeah. Jinnie, I wasn’t just crushing on you at that point, I was over my head in love with you. And it was insane, because I’d just found out that everything I felt when I was with you was the exact thing that would give me my wings, and I was so scared, but I was still thinking about kissing you.” Felix laughs, a bit bitterly, and gently touches his wings. “I was trying to figure out who I was. I still wanted you to want me, wings or not.” 

Hyunjin hums thoughtfully as he dips his brush back into a stark-white dot of paint. Felix can see him thinking as his brush moves across the canvas – not ignoring Felix, but mulling his words thoughtfully. Finally, he puts the brush down and approaches the tree. 

“What did you imagine?” 

“What?” Felix asks, tilting his head. Hyunjin chuckles. 

“When you were here last time – how did you imagine I confessed?”

Felix’s face is on fire. He buries it in his hands. 

“Tell me! Come on, I’m curious – because all I was thinking about was whether or not you were avoiding me.” 

“I …” Felix removes his hands. Hyunjin has walked even closer, leaning just-so against the tree. “I imagined that you’d tell me you felt the same way? That I was all you ever wanted to paint? And …” 

Hyunjin gasps, a small intake of breath, and his eyes twinkle. Felix’s next words are barely audible. 

“And you’d kiss me in the garden. Like in a fairytale.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t answer with words. He lifts his hand to help Felix down, even though his wings get him to the ground with ease. Hyunjin guides him to the center of the rooftop garden. Every Disney movie Felix has ever watched flashes through his mind. 

“I … I want to show you the painting,” he says. 

It’s not what Felix was expecting. He was expecting either a tease (Ah, Lixie, you’re such a sap) or a bruising kiss. 

This is better than both of those things. 

“Is it the same one you started when you brought me here?” 

And Hyunjin is red from the tips of his ears down to his chest, the blush certainly extending beneath the collar of his shirt. Felix bounces on his tip toes when Hyunjin nods, leans to the easel, and grabs the canvas, though he keeps it facing away from Felix. 

“The day I brought you here, I didn’t really expect to draw you,” he confesses. “I just wanted to see you – because at that time, it felt like being away from you was like missing half of the oxygen I needed to breathe. I knew, rationally, that you were okay, but I also knew something was going on that I couldn’t fix. I just wanted to have you around me for a little bit, to see that you were alive and talking with my own eyes. But then … but then you showed up looking like a dream. And you were so obviously happy in the garden, I couldn’t not ask you to pose for me.” 

“Oh,” Felix whispers. Hyunjin shifts anxiously, and Felix can’t help but reach out a wing, to gently brush his longest feather along Hyunjin’s bicep. His shifting stills and he takes a deep breath. 

“I need you to know that I sketched this before I knew you were an Angel. I drew this when you were withdrawing from everyone, when you were scared and sick and terrified. I drew this because this is how I’ve always seen you.” 

And then he turns the canvas, and Felix stops breathing. 

It’s impressionist, so obviously Hyunjin’s style; but it’s also, obviously, that moment months ago on this very rooftop, Felix in the tree – an explosion of deep greens with golden specks of sunlight peaking through. And on that largest branch is a body; if someone didn’t know him, they might not realize it was Felix, especially given that Felix’s face in the painting is half-turned away and up, towards the sun, illuminated in golden light – but Hyunjin has managed to perfectly capture the gentle slope of Felix’s nose, a smattering of freckles that disappear into his blonde hair. 

But beyond all that – Hyunjin has given Felix wings. 

Hyunjin, with no knowledge at the time, had given Felix two, beautiful Angel wings. Wings that are so eerily like the very pair on Felix’s back; an expanse of feathers that Hyunjin has somehow managed to paint in a glowing, sun-drenched white that Felix didn’t know could be replicated in oil and acrylics. 

“This is how I’ve always seen you,” Hyunjin repeats again, and when Felix looks up at him, it's through tear-blurred eyes. “An Angel, my Sunshine, everything. Even when you’re going through a tough time, even when you’re scared, even when you’re still just Felix. Because just Felix is still my Angel.” 

“Hyune,” Felix breathes. “I don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. I … I can’t believe…” 

I can’t believe you see me like this. I can’t believe you’ve always seen me like this. 

Hyunjin rests the canvas back on its easel just in time to catch Felix in his arms, and then Felix is putting every thought, every hope, every ounce of love into a kiss. It’s not bruising, it’s not heated, it’s just love in the silence, in the sunshine, in the gentle breeze. It’s just his fingers in Hyunjin’s hair, just his body pressing against Hyunjin’s own. 

Hyunjin leans into the kiss like a sunflower in the sun, his own hands finding purchase and drawing Felix impossibly closer. Felix knows that his smile probably makes the kiss less pleasurable than normal, but Hyunjin is smiling right back – a soft clacking of teeth, a gentle exchange of giggles passed mouth-to-mouth. 

He feels whole. He feels the sun on his wings and Hyunjin’s hand on his cheek and if he had to paint this, if he played Hyunjin for a moment, he’d do nothing more than slather a canvas in luminescent gold. 

“Yah, stop making out!” 

The voice comes from within the loft, just inside the open window hatch. Hyunjin’s hand – the one on his waist – tightens minutely, and he snorts, dropping his forehead against Felix’s. 

“What part of mine don’t these members get, huh?” he chuckles. 

“You wouldn’t have it any other way,” Felix says. 

“I really wouldn’t,” Hyunjin says.

Jisung clambers through the window with all the grace of a newborn deer, not that Felix is watching beyond from his periphery. He wants to steal just a few more seconds looking at Hyunjin, at the way the sun kisses his skin. 

“Oi, lovebirds, if you don’t stop staring at each other, I’m going to physically insert myself between you.” 

Felix gasps giddily. “Ah, Hannie, are you propositioning us?” 

He purses his lips in Jisung’s direction, and Jisung pulls an (unnecessarily horrified) face. 

“Finally ready to ditch your mean stinky boyfriend?” Hyunjin joins the bit with a loud voice, eyes already seeking Minho’s reaction. Minho slinks through the window like a panther. 

“I may not have tissues, but there are some napkins with the food downstairs,” Minho hisses in Hyunjin’s directions. “Shall we test them out?” 

“I’m not scared of you, Hyung,” Hyunjin juts his chin forward and stretches to his full height. Minho raises a single brow. 

“Changbin-ah!” He yells through the open window. “Bring the food up here, extra napkins, too!” 

Hyunjin pulls Felix’s body in front of his own and hunches down behind him. “Begone, demon. I’m shielded by the power of one Lee Felix.” 

“Oh no, a tiny angel kitten!” Jeongin crawls onto the rooftop next, waggling his fingers and voice dripping with sarcasm. “What’s he gonna do, pout at Hyung until his heart implodes?” 

Seungmin follows Jeongin. “That might actually work.” 

“Is everyone forgetting that Yongbokkie singlehandedly fought, like, thirty Bureau agents?” Changbin asks. He has two massive bags of takeout in each hand which he barely avoids crushing as he, too, climbs through the window. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Felix makes sure to spread his wings extra wide. “I’m a certified badass.” 

“Hyung, you’re literally a whole kitten,” Jeongin snorts. 

“No, it’s fine, I can carry this all by myself!” Chan calls from inside. “It’s only all of the alcohol in my hands!” 

“Let’s help our leader, kids,” Minho delegates. 

It’s a wordless decision to eat outside, just like it was a wordless choice to forgo any lavish end-of-tour party organized by the company. After everything, the members unanimously agreed that a free night, just the eight of them, with an inappropriate amount of food and alcohol was all they needed. They sit in a circle on the patch of grass, descending upon the food like starved wolves. Wine is poured, beer is drunk, soju materializes in every flavor. They joke about the tour (“-I’ve watched fifteen edits of Chan-hyung’s right nipple. Who has the time to edit those-?”“-why exactly did you watch fifteen edits of my nipple, Binnie?”) and about recent SKZCodes filmed (“I’m just saying, making us all wear fake angel wings feels like somebody’s kink-” “Are you implying that my very real wings are kinky, Min?”). 

And Felix flits from member to member because he can. 

He helps Jeongin sneak extra shots of soju when Chan isn’t looking. He joins Seungmin’s passionate headcannon rants about what Twilight character each member would be, then backs Jisung up when he insists he himself is obviously Bella-coded (“and Minho-hyung is clearly an Edward type-”). He plays a childish sort of game of tag with Changbin, wherein Felix tries to squeeze his hyung’s biceps and Changbin pretends he’s not glowing with pride. He curls himself around Minho just because he can, just because he knows Minho had therapy that morning and more often than not leaves his appointments feeling antsy and tense, and just because the feeling of his hyung relaxing into a hug makes Felix feel strong enough to fight a thousand Bureau agents if he had to. He tells Chan that he wants to write a song together, the two of them, about sunshine and warm beaches and martyr complexes the size of the Pacific, and then goads the elder into doing a shot with him under the guise of Aussie pride and sheer love. 

He shows everyone Hyunjin’s painting; he makes sure all of the members ooh and aah at sufficient levels of appreciation (which, in Felix’s opinion, is a lot), and they do, because Hyunjin oozes talent from every pore. 

The sun is halfway to set, and the garden is lit by twinkling fairy lights and the soft shimmer of Felix’s wings. Felix is a little tipsy, a lot loved, and a vaguely confusing mix of nostalgic and wistful. 

“I can’t believe it’s over already,” Felix says softly. Hyunjin hooks his chin over Felix’s shoulder. 

“What do you mean?” Jisung asks. 

Felix tilts his head up towards the last sliver of the setting sun. 

“Only a few months ago, I was scared about the comeback. I was worried I’d gained too much weight before the LV show. I was anxious about my back. But I think what I was most afraid of was you all finding out that I wasn’t endlessly positive.” 

No one interrupts him, but his words cause a shifting in the group, everyone sitting up a little taller. Hyunjin maneuvers Felix out of his lap to watch him speak with more attentiveness. 

Felix clears his throat. 

“I love being your Sunshine. I love taking care of all of you. I think somewhere along the way, though, I started to believe that, if I got sad or angry or anything other than happy, I’d be letting you all down.” 

“Bbokie, that’s not true, though,” Minho frowns. Felix smiles, a bit sadly. 

“I know. I’ve talked about it a lot in therapy. I’ve talked about it with you guys. But when I think about everything that happened after the car crash, I feel like an idiot. I wasn’t sunshine at all. I was a black hole. But …” 

Felix looks at each one of them. 

“But … but you were all willing to do anything to help keep me safe. No, not even just safe - happy. It feels silly, now, to think about the fact that I was keeping all of those fears locked up so tightly when I could have just talked to you. Any of you. And none of you ever left. You never stopped believing in me. You never let me be alone. Even when I was a nightmare to be around, or when I was closed off, or when I was hissing at you like a feral cat.” 

“See?” Jeongin grins, but it’s so soft that Felix wants to cry. “A baby kitten.” 

“Technically, baby kitten is redundant, kitten already implies baby-”

“Minnie, I’ll kill you-” 

“Of course we’d never leave you behind,” Chan ignores the two youngest. His eyes are definitely misty. “None of us leave anyone behind. That’s our deal.” 

“Well, thank you,” Felix says softly. His cheeks feel warm, his chest achingly full, his wings strong. “You’re just … I mean, all of you, you’re…”

“... the air beneath your wings?” Jisung says with a small smirk. 

Everyone groans. Felix laughs and tosses a soju cap at him. 

“Shut up, I’m trying to be sweet, not cheesy.” 

“Sweet is kind of your only flavor,” Hyunjin points out. He rubs a thumb over Felix’s wings. “Lix, you saw the painting. You don’t stop being our sunshine just because you’re sad. You don’t stop being our Angel just because you’re scared, or having a bad day. Fuck, Lix, you had a lot of really bad days, but it’ll never even come close to touching how much we love you.” 

Minho settles on Felix’s other side. “You did it, Bbokie.” 

“We did it,” Felix whispers. Minho smiles, and a tear slips over his cheek at the motion. 

“We did it. Jung is never seeing the light of day again. The Bureau is toast, and so are the Hunters. Are we going to go through bad days again? Of course. But think of it this way – we made it through this. We can make it through anything.” 

Chan stands next to wrap his arms around Felix’s right. And then they’re all moving, all surrounding him and each other in a hug that is more of a pile; and someone is sniffling, and maybe it’s Felix or Jisung or Changbin; and Hyunjin is pressing a feather-light kiss on the back of his head, and Seungmin is squeezing his hand and Jeongin is trying very hard to look like he’s not on the verge of tears and Minho is giving him that same soft, Minho-hyung smile that’s reserved for Felix alone. 

And Felix’s back doesn’t hurt; his heart isn’t strangled beneath fraying golden threads and his shoulders don’t ache with mountains of self-imposed expectations, of truths unsaid. 

Felix is home, and he’s safe, and even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be alone in that. 

“I love you,” he says softly. 

“We love you too, Angel,” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Hey Lix?” Seungmin whispers loudly. “Can you use your magical angel pout to get Chan-hyung to buy us ice cream?” 

(Chan tackles Seungmin to the ground. He still buys them the ice cream, though. It tastes better than anything Felix has ever had before.) 

 

Notes:

Y’all. I don’t even know what to say.
I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, and I love it so much. Books, poems, short stories, you name it – but every time I get to the halfway point of a project, it falls apart. I start tearing apart every word, every sentence, every scene until I become convinced whatever piece I’m writing is unreadable.

Writing this fic was a total whim – I had the idea and couldn’t shake it, wrote a chapter, and uploaded it without a second thought. I remember hitting post and having to run out to meet some friends, where I immediately tried to delete said uploaded chapter from my phone; alas, A03 was being buggy so I figured I’d just delete it when I got home!
But then I saw it had hits … and comments. People wanted to know what would happen next, and frankly, the story already had its claws in me. I couldn’t stop!! But there was still a part of me completely convinced that everyone would change their minds and absolutely hate it – because this fic is so self indulgent, so angsty, so heavy on the hurt-comfort-hurt again.

So imagine my surprise when I was BLESSED with the best readers in the universe!
Every single comment has meant the world to me. I never knew how fun writing could be when you have people excited to know what comes next. You’ve been insightful, complimentary, genuinely curious, and at times furious (in the best way – the Jung hate, the absolute outrage at back-to-back cliffhangers, etc.). You have made this story better; being able to hear from you about your perceptions of certain characters allowed me to fine tune and refine them, as well as plot lines, and it’s meant the world to me. I have been brought to tears multiple times writing this story, and 10x as often just from reading what you all have to say.

I’m genuinely so sad that this fic is coming to an end. I’ll likely continue to upload a couple one-shots based off of this fic (and if you have any requests/recommendations, let me know! What do you want to see!! Give me ideas, let me steal your brain power!!!!), but saying goodbye to the main plot and these characters is way harder than I thought it would be.
(Of course, I started a new fic lol, but it’s not fantasy and there’s not an angel in sight, and it’s already so fucking angsty and heavy heavy TW type shit! A little nervous about living up to this one/if I’ll go through with uploading any of it, but alas – I watched Girl Interrupted & Skins UK a little too late at night and got inspired.)
Point is – this story would not have been completed if not for all of you. Your encouragement kept me feeling confident enough to upload, and your genuine love for the plot and these characters has made me feel, in one word, incredible.

Alright, I guess that’s all from me (for now). Thank you, truly, from the bottom of my hurt/comfort little heart – you’re all amazing angels <3

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of air beneath (my wings)