Wilting

by happyluckymusical

Summary:

You are 17.
You never wanted to die.

Chapter 1: You are 17.

You are 17.

You never wanted to die.

Right now, you're smiling.

The three people you care about right next to you.

In front of a stage filled with thousands of people.

Every single person in that room loves you.

Adores you.

Is cheering for you.

---

You are 17.

You never wanted to die.

You recognize a song from your favorite singer.

While one of your friends is cherishing the moment, a crowd forms as she plays the piano.

You notice this, but don't bring much thought to this.

The atmosphere is really warm.

Everyone in that room loves you.

---

You just turned 17.

You never wanted to die.

Your friends celebrated your birthday at a theme park not too long ago.

You got your closest three friends souveneers.

They love you.

---

You are 16.

You got into an argument with your friend.

A creative difference.

She assumes you don't like her music.

You do.

You love it.

Maybe you're just stubborn.

---

You are 17.

You are stubborn.

You made a decision you couldn't have any other way.

Thinking about it made you uncomfortable.

For some reason, you are stubborn.

That you never wanted to die.

---

You are 10.

One of your dear friends keeps getting teased.

You go and save her, spreading your arms out wide.

You're a hero.

If you died, everyone would miss your heroicism.

That was the day you vowed to never die.

---

You are 16.

You confront some people picking on a girl a few years younger than you.

You've always been a hero.

Your singing saved her.

You continue to vow to never die.

---

You are 16.

You never wanted to die.

Your life is about to change soon.

You're about to be so adored.

And you will reach millions.

---

You

Are

 

.

Chapter 2: You never wanted to die.

You are 15.

Today, you wrote about a girl who died.

You wrote how she went to Heaven, but instead of meeting God, she met the thing that provided her comfort the most.

That thing doesn't exist.

Your favorite singer doesn't actually exist in real life.

But that's okay.

One day, you'll be like that girl and meet her.

---

You are 12.

One of your close friends couldn't go to school anymore.

She was too sick.

You vow to visit her sometimes.

Even though she is two hours away.

---

You are 13.

You notice some classmates giving you weird looks.

Whispering to each other while they give you weird looks.

But that's okay, you still have your two close friends.

 

 

You are 13.

She left you.

You don't know why.

The weird looks stopped after she stopped talking to you.

---

You are 13, nearing 14.

You still have your one close friend.

She's kind to you.

And loves you a lot.

 

She gets called mean things.

Like a two-faced bitch.

You don't seem to understYou are 14.

You're getting weird looks.

again.

again.

again.

again.

again.

again.

---

You are 14.

You feel like you're 13.

You wish you were 10.

It's been weeks since you've had a friendly interaction.

Words you never thought to say slipped out of your brain.

"I don't care if I die."

---

You are 14, nearing 15.

You wish you were 10.

You've become silent.

People don't have any feeling towards you.

You assume you're unapproachable.

And that you've already died.

Chapter 3: Delusion

You are 17.

You never want to die.

You have ambitions for the world.

But at the same time, you are worried for your dear friend.

She's acting weird lately.

So you ask her.

"Saki, is anything the matter?"

She frowns.

"I don't think I like this."

---

You are 17.

She told you to leave her alone.

Like everyone else.

You can't remember that well.

You're on your bed.

You were crying.

As if you as a flower have been reborn.

Back into the self that wasn't alive.

---

You are 18.

You're an alien to the world.

You should have believed yourself when you said it won't last long.

You don't know why it keeps happening over

and over

again.

You question if this is all it will ever be.

---

You are   .

Every day feels like a blur.

Every day feels like a blur.

You know those two are still there, willing to talk.

But you can't take the pain of people leaving you any longer.

You've pushed them away.

You've pushed away everyone that's ever loved you.

You're an alien to them anyways.

This is the first time in your life that you said.

"It will always be like this."

Chapter 4: Lotus

You are 18.

You hate yourself.

You think to yourself a lot.

Pretending that she never went back to school.

Pretending you never had the confidence to "reconcile".

Even though they were good memories, they were fleeting.

You could've stopped the cycle by now.

---

You are 6.

You overhear your parents talking to your teachers.

"She's a good kid, but..."

"I'm concerned about the fact she's not making friends."

You're confused on what that means.

But know that somehow, they're right.

People don't really talk to you at school

At least not in the same way as your other peers.

You wish to prove this wrong.

No matter how much the outside world doesn't agree.

---

You are 14

You think you are 14.

Everything's been a blur for so long you don't even remember.

You left them.

You clashed against Honami's wishes and Shiho's wishes.

And you left them.

Because you're used to being alone.

It's like second nature.

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk about how you're dying.

You don't want to die, but you don't want to live, either.

Eventually.

---

You find that peice of writing you wrote at 15.

You have no idea why you wrote it.

It was about a girl that died. She went to heaven.

But instead of meeting God.

She met her beloved Miku. The one that's been comforting her for years.

---

You just turned 19.

It was August 31st.

There was nothing particular about this day you think.

There was nothing in particular to even note about.

 

 

 

Just the distance from the bridge to the chilling river below you.

 

 

 

You don't know why you're here.

At the same time, you know exactly why you're here.

It's strange how nobody is agknowledging your existience.

Like you've already dissappeared in the first place.

---

You are 19.

There is nothing left for you.

Except to close your eyes.

And push yourself away from your opportunities.

 

 

one

 

 

 

last

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

time.

Notes:

yes, author is okay. this was kinda experimental for me lol