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It was terrifying…how the lamenting waves of the ocean rippled and distorted any reflection that crossed its path. With the single second snap of a finger, they could pull in and take away whoever walked along its shoreline. To Cloud Strife, its resemblance to the lifestream was uncanny. Maybe he shouldn’t have been standing so closely to the edge of the ocean.
His reflection looked particularly broken on this dark and cold night. His complexion looked pale…and his mako-infused eyes void of life. Staring into it for too long sent chills up his spine. The expression on his face painted a picture akin to tragic news just being received.
The sudden breeze sweeping through his blonde hair and the water led his eyes to the sight of his friends to his right. The party had agreed to take a break for the night while traveling to pursue Sephiroth farther north. The despondent atmosphere ingulfing them was getting to the better of everybody, even those that had desperately tried to remain positive the whole journey thus far. It was an unwelcome reminder to Cloud that life could change in the blink of an eye.
“Wow…everyone’s really down right now, aren’t they?”
Hearing a familiar, soft voice, Cloud turned his attention back to his reflection in the water…where he found Aerith’s reflection behind him. Somehow, she felt like a sight for sore eyes.
“Yeah…seems like it.” He quietly replied, feeling slightly disturbed with the shift in aura that surrounded the group following their departure from the Temple of the Ancients. A soundless ride was expected from some of the party, such as Vincent or even Barret. But for talkative characters like Yuffie or Cait Sith…it was unusual to hear them so silent.
“Such a shame. The night’s so beautiful, too. The breeze is nice and cool…and the moon is so bright. It’d be a pity not to enjoy a picturesque moment like this.” Aerith optimistically characterized the scenery as she admired it with a smile.
Her positive comments painted a completely different view of the night than Cloud was seeing with his own eyes. Perhaps he should have looked harder…to find the beauty in the things around him while they were still within sight. He slid his eyes to his left, though finding himself strangely hesitant to turn around to face Aerith directly. He didn’t feel much of her presence behind him, even if he could see her reflection in the water.
“Come on, gang…it’s time we check in and get some sleep.” Barret abruptly broke through the somber party’s silence, taking the initiative to step towards the motel they had landed at around ten minutes ago.
Cloud watched as Red XIII helped an airsick Yuffie towards the shelter, Vincent following behind Cid who was grumbling under his breath…and Tifa with her head hung low trailing along at the end. Her face wasn’t even visible from the side with her long, dark hair draping in front of it…but Cloud could sense that her eyes were filled with tears.
He turned around as he felt another cold draft blow pass him…and Aerith was nowhere within sight. He felt his heart sink just a little. The Ancient had become accustomed to coming and going as of late, never always in sight as she had been before. It troubled Cloud; Aerith wasn’t the kind of girl who belonged in the shadows of the earth. He followed after his friends as they checked in at the motel’s front door, and it wasn’t long before a vendor greeted them towards the entrance.
“How about a flower for the lovely lady?” The seller attempted to charm Tifa, nudging a yellow lily towards her.
The whole party froze up to some degree, as if something forbidden was just uttered. Tifa put her hand to her mouth, shaking her head with glassed-over eyes.
“I’m sorry…” She trembled out before pushing her way through the others into the motel, baffling the seller.
“Since when do women cry over flowers?” He questioned in perplexity, many of the others walking into the shelter without bothering to respond.
“It’s been a long journey…” Barret vaguely replied before somberly entering the motel himself.
Cloud found his feet halting him in front of the seller, unable to take his eyes off the flower in the man’s hand. It was beautiful…and looked so fragile. He wanted to keep it somewhere warm and safe.
“I’ll buy it.” He told the man, handing him the money for it.
“Oh, uh…thank you.” The seller awkwardly voiced, handing Cloud the lily.
Cloud stuck the flower underneath of the strap against his shirt, keeping it close to his heart. This wouldn’t be the first flower he took on a journey with him.
“There’s enough rooms for everyone. Let’s meet up in the morning. We’ll fly out first thing.” Barret directed the muted group, who only nodded their heads with grave expressions before heading to their individual rooms.
Cloud couldn’t help but turn his attention towards Tifa, who he heard let out an audible sigh of distress as she walked away. He quietly followed after her, a sting striking his chest seeing her so distraught.
“Tifa?” He lightly called out before she grabbed her doorknob, appearing to startle her a little. He noticed her attempt to discretely wipe her eyes before turning around to face him.
“Yes, Cloud?” She asked with a very forced smile, one that hurt Cloud more than seeing a frown on her face would. It was okay for her not to be strong all of the time. Didn’t she know that?
“Are you okay?” He carefully asked, appearing to break down part of her barrier. She let out a calm sigh, one that was a little more collected than before. Except Cloud didn’t doubt that she was just holding it all in for his sake.
“I’m doing the best I can…” She candidly admitted, her eyes visibly filled with a grief so profound that Cloud could hardly comprehend it. It cracked his heart; he’d do anything to see his childhood friend smile now.
“I’m here, if you wanna talk about it. Or we could…go for a walk, if you like.” He pushed himself out of his comfort zone to ask, though he only earned a small smile out of Tifa. It too was fake.
“Goodnight, Cloud.” She indirectly rejected the offer, choosing to shut herself up in her room.
Slightly stunned by the outcome of the conversation, Cloud only stood at the room’s entrance that was now closed off by the door in front of his face. He could hear that Tifa was leaned against it and likely not expecting him to still be on the other side of the door, she broke down in uncontrollable sobs. With a heavy heart, Cloud gently put his hands to the door…regretful that Tifa wouldn’t let him be there to comfort her. He should have tried harder all of these years…to be a more compassionate companion to her.
Unable to bear the sound of her breaking down any longer, Cloud stepped away from the door and made his way to the last empty room. He shut himself up similarly to everyone else, removing his Buster Sword from his back and leaning it against the wall next to the bed.
“Looks like everyone’s rain cloud has landed over your head too, mister.”
Upon pulling off his gloves, Cloud turned around to find Aerith sitting on the lounge chair underneath of the window. Her emerald eyes seemed to shimmer more than anything else captured by the moonlight. As much as he wanted her presence to relieve him, he couldn’t stop thinking about Barret’s last comment to everyone before they called it a night.
“Barret said there were enough rooms for everyone…but there are only eight.” He recalled, noticing their seven other friends each occupy a room besides him.
“Yeah…that’s a bit of a pity.” Aerith agreed, though as if she had already accepted the outcome of not having a room. It alarmed Cloud…the thought of not knowing where the Ancient might sleep tonight.
“Where will you stay?” He somewhat worriedly wondered, Aerith standing up as she pondered the question.
“Hmm…anywhere I want, I guess.” She positively responded, taking a few steps closer with a smile. “But I was thinking here might be nice…at least, for a little while.”
Cloud felt his heart skip a beat, a nervous feeling taking over his stomach. He had never slept in the same room with anyone before. He wasn’t exactly the type of person to like sharing his space. What was he supposed to say at a time like this?
“Hey…you bought one of those lilies.” Aerith noticed, a warm expression crossing her face as she admired the flower against his heart.
The comment flustered Cloud a bit…but he wasn’t sure if he could hide the reason behind the purchase. It reminded him of happiness…of better times in the lives of those around him, including his own.
“It reminded me of you…” He quietly admitted in a mumble, though it didn’t seem like Aerith had missed it. Though it might have been a little difficult to hold eye contact, he handed the girl the flower, figuring that it’d be better cared for in her possession.
“Wow, aren’t you sweet? Since when did you become such a romantic?” Aerith wondered as she carefully took in the lily’s scent.
Unsure of how to handle the compliment, Cloud only awkwardly scratched the back of his head. He wasn’t exactly sure if he’d consider himself a romantic. It was just honesty, that’s all.
“I’ll sleep in the chair. You can have the bed.” He told Aerith, preparing to move towards the window.
“Uh-Uh.” Aerith rejected the idea, stepping in front of Cloud to prevent him from moving any further. “This is your room. I’m just in it.”
Cloud could have argued it, if he wanted to. This wasn’t his room; it was a room. Neither of them had ownership of it, at least not for more than a single night. He wondered why…why she chose to visit the room he was in. She could have chosen anyone’s room…right? Maybe…she couldn’t. He felt a wave of fear overtake him for a single second. He didn’t want to think about the reason why she couldn’t too deeply.
“I don’t need a bed. I’ve slept on concrete before. I’ll be fine in a chair.” He assured Aerith, who shook her head with a gentle expression.
“I want you to sleep somewhere where you can be nice and warm. I don’t think this bed will do me much of that.” She softly explained, her words puzzling Cloud.
Why would this bed make him any warmer and more comfortable than her? Was there a difference between them? It left him feeling anxious…the thought of Aerith’s body unable to retain warmth. Was she cold now? Somehow, he was too terrified to touch her.
Aerith took a step forward and he impulsively took a step back, causing his lower half to drop onto the bed behind him. It seemed like getting him to ‘claim’ the bed was Aerith’s intention, a smile and tiny giggle escaping her lips at the sight of him.
“Goodnight, Cloud.” She sweetly spoke, sending him into a mild panic. For one reason or another, he was terrified to see her disappear from his sight again. Each time that happened…he wondered if it’d be the last time.
“I’m not tired.” He quickly blurted out, appearing to perplex her.
“Oh?” She curiously voiced, Cloud finding his heartbeat rapidly picking up speed. He wasn’t sure if he had ever searched for excuses quite like this.
“If you stay and talk to me…maybe I’ll fall asleep.” He quietly suggested, a smirk of doubt crossing Aerith’s face.
They both knew he was too light of a sleeper for that to happen…and maybe that was his intention. He didn’t want to fall asleep. He didn’t want to close his eyes…in fear that Aerith may not appear in his tomorrow. If he could be with her through the night…maybe she wouldn’t find a shadow to hide into.
“Hmm…is that so?” Aerith almost sarcastically questioned, leaving Cloud feeling rather embarrassed with his choice of excuse.
Couldn’t he have come up with anything better? He wasn’t even good at carrying conversations. How could they get through one that lasted all night? Despite his doubt, he moved over to the side of the bed against the wall…leaving the side closest to Aerith empty. Though appearing hesitant for a moment, Aerith eventually sat down.
“I guess it can’t hurt…to talk before we part.” She concluded, her choice of wording widening Cloud’s eyes.
“Where are you going?” He nervously asked, Aerith shrugging with a smile.
“Anywhere on Earth is a place to go. That’s the beauty of it.” She philosophically answered, though it wasn’t an answer Cloud wanted.
Lately, the single word ‘Earth’ frightened him a bit. Couldn’t they stay in the air together a little longer? He didn’t want Aerith to…return to the earth. Silence overtook them for a moment, and Aerith took that opportunity to lie her head down against the pillow. Wanting to keep their conversation going in fear that she’d disappear otherwise, Cloud lied down on his side facing her. Even if he couldn’t utter a single word, Aerith admired him with slightly fascinated eyes.
“Wow, I don’t know if we’ve ever been this close before.” She remarked, though seemingly recalling something a moment later. “Well…maybe we have…once upon a time.”
Cloud recalled that ‘once upon a time’ quicker than Aerith had. It was on the date they shared at the Gold Saucer…while in the Skywheel.
“You make it seem like it was so long ago…” He pointed out, unnerved by their different perception of time. Aerith made it sound like their date was a lifetime ago in her world.
“Maybe it was…maybe it wasn’t.” She ambiguously replied, concerning Cloud. He had a feeling that his worries couldn’t be masked completely from his expression. Even so, Aerith continued to wear a gentle smile on her lips as they locked eyes.
“You know, I think that was the single happiest moment of my life. I fully believe…that my world became brighter just because you were in it.” She adoringly professed, though her words left Cloud’s heart sinking like an anchor.
“I’m still in it.” He reminded her, noticing her use of past tense. She said ‘were’, as if he were no longer in her life…or her life no longer existed.
“I know you are…and what a blessing that is.” Aerith softly spoke, delicately caressing Cloud’s cheek using the flower in her hand. It’s petals were so soft, warm in a way that felt much like the touch of a human would. It felt much like the touch of Aerith would.
He could feel his eyes getting heavy without much notice, worrying him significantly. He didn’t want to fall asleep, not while Aerith was still here with him. He wanted to stay awake with her, to talk with her all night. If he couldn’t do that much…how else could he keep a hold of her? How else could he be sure that she wouldn’t disappear? He let his fingers carefully find the petals of the flower, slowly moving them down to the stem an inch above Aerith’s hand. Would she hold it against him…if they touched now?
“Close your eyes, Cloud.” Aerith angelically whispered, Cloud feeling his heart skip a beat in fear.
“Why?” He felt the need to ask, Aerith’s big eyes void of any worry despite the falling of the planet around them.
“Because you make it difficult for me to slip away.” She admitted, letting her hand gracefully slip off of the flower. Hearing those words had Cloud’s grip on the lily tightening just a bit.
“Then don’t go.” He quietly voiced, in a way that he couldn’t prevent from sounding like a beg.
His own desperation was palpable, to the point that it was frightening. He didn’t want to lose anyone else on this journey. He didn’t want any more of his friends to join the fate of Biggs, Wedge…and Jessie. He couldn’t afford to lose someone who would bring him pain even more unbearable than them. He didn’t want to lose her, too…not Aerith.
“Believe me, Cloud…if I could stay with you forever, I would.” Aerith sincerely confessed, once more placing her hand at the flower’s stem below Cloud’s. “But this planet needs me, too.”
Cloud felt his heart crack at the sound of Aerith’s words, a pain seeping into an area he once thought was filled with ice. He didn’t think he could feel much of anything anymore, and especially not for this planet. But all of that changed…when he met someone who cared so much about it…when he met Aerith.
As an Ancient, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she felt the planet needed her more than he did. But he did need her in his life, by his side…so badly. And although they had never once talked about ‘forever’ until now…the thought of them lasting for that long…it sounded more beautiful than he ever expected it would. It had him wanting that to be their reality more than ever.
“Aerith…” He nervously breathed out, praying that fate might eventually lead them down a different path than where he was picturing they’d end up in the long run.
Without a word, Aerith abruptly pressed the flower to his lips. She contently closed her eyes, and Cloud found his slowly closing in response. Maybe a bit instinctively, he cautiously kissed the petals of the flower that felt so familiar to him.
“Sweet dreams, my hero.” Aerith whispered into his ear, entrancing him in a way that induced sleep.
But he felt it…Aerith’s cold breath touch his skin. It shouldn’t have been cold…but it was, for a reason he wanted to be unexplainable. The one thing that was warm…was the lily. It’s warmth felt uncannily familiar, more than welcoming at a time like this. To Cloud, that warmth was unmistakable.
It was Aerith’s.
He remembered it all too well, the heat the Ancient radiated. All of the times she took him by the hand and dragged him along…when they high-fived, and when he saved her in battle…he recalled it all. The image of her was so burned into his always hazy memory that it was almost astonishing for him to memorize something so vividly. But Aerith was always in vivid color in his mind. Her gorgeous emerald eyes and long, winding hair that always trailed behind her…the soft voice she always spoke with and the bright smile that often crossed her lips…anyone that crossed her path could feel that she was different. And Cloud felt that too…whenever they talked…and whenever they touched.
He remembered every second of that night at the Gold Saucer like it was minutes ago. The roles of a passionate couple they played on that digital stage, the conversations they shared on the skywheel…Aerith saying that in the moment, he was the one she wanted to be with. When they fell into one another’s embrace upon spinning the wheel too hard, when she took his arm and rested her head against his shoulder…the feeling of their hands and fingers intertwined…it was the same. All of it was the same warmth…the same as that flower. In a flash, all of the memories they had shared together crossed his mind like lightening. He wasn’t sure…if they’d ever share times like that again.
A faint knock against his door immediately woke him from the slumber he unexpected fell into, his eyes shooting wide open. To his perplexity, tears were pouring out of them at a rapid pace that he couldn’t stop. He had never cried so much in his life. He sat up a little as the door creaked open, revealing Tifa on the other side.
“Cloud?” She voiced, though any other words she hoped to speak were halted upon meeting his eyes.
They both froze into a state of surprised…until their eyes caught sight of the flower that had been laying against Cloud’s heart. The reason for the tears immediately hit him like a ton of bricks.
Aerith was gone.
Tifa’s eyes began to fill with tears at the sight of the flower and Cloud couldn’t prevent the pain of grief from crossing his face. Tifa ran into Cloud’s arms on the edge of the bed, filling the void that Aerith had left. Cloud held her tighter than he ever had, terrified and distraught at the thought of losing her too. He wasn’t hesitant to touch her as he had been with Aerith…maybe because he knew he could reach Tifa. Somehow, a part of him knew that if he reached out, Aerith might not have been as tangible as she appeared.
Cloud gently stroked the back of Tifa’s head as they continued to break down in one another’s arms. Neither one of them were the type to show that they were struggling, and especially not in front of each other. But this time…Cloud felt like it was necessary. They both needed someone…and he was relieved that Tifa could be his someone. It hurt like hell…seeing Tifa sobbing like this, to hear her lament and witness the tears unapologetically pouring out of her eyes like an overflowing river. Maybe he looked the same to her…because he had never felt pain this detrimental.
Despite what little control the two had, they made a conscious effort not to harm the flower close to them. For the moment, Cloud completely forgot how unfamiliar and unwanted the physical touch of someone else was to him. Despite how long they had known each other, despite how close they were now…he and Tifa had never hugged like this before. But it was comforting to Cloud…that he had someone close enough to be vulnerable around.
Tifa held him tighter, and for the first time in his whole life…Cloud wished he could stay in the arms of someone forever. He wanted to admit it out loud, that he was struggling and that life was hard. If they could confide in each other that much, maybe then getting through tomorrow would be a little bit easier.
The two pulled back just a little, though no words were spoken as tears continued to pour out. One look alone said enough to Cloud, and he was sure Tifa felt the same. He took the flower into his hand and kept it warm between the both of them, Tifa gently putting her hand over top of his. She leaned her forehead against Cloud’s and he didn’t hesitate to slip his fingers in between hers to keep the flower in both of their hands.
The sobbing slowly began to die down, though their tears continued to fall endlessly. Even so, it was somehow peaceful to Cloud…and he was glad that Tifa ended up letting him comfort her, as well as sharing comfort of her own. But their sorrow wouldn’t end tonight. Things wouldn’t change. No matter where he went, no matter what he did…he was positive that’d he’d still see her.
In everything that he did, he’d still feel Aerith around him.