Under Grey Skies

by santiknows

Summary:

When Regina— a mother, tries to balance the relationship between her daughter and her line of work, she navigates through motherhood and finds comfort in her daughter. But when both parents are mostly busy working, who would take care of Max? Narda, a working 3rd year college student takes up the job originally offered to her bestfriend— will this spark a relationship between the two and serve as a bridge to uncover hidden layers and provide clarity to Regina's clouded mind, or will it end in that bridge burning as they go their seperate ways?

Notes:

There are alot of heavy scenes here and I would like to take a moment to thank the people that I showed this to! Thank you for the feedback and love, i'll make sure to finish this for the readers and the people that helped me. I will display TW's if needed and please read the notes to be guided. For people that relate to this, I sincerely hope that it gets better. Whatever part of the storyline that may be, especially the heavy scenes that tackle coping and many more sensitive topics, I hope that if it resonates— you find peace and that it gets better for you.

Do not give up and keep pushing— keep going, I'm proud of you and I sincerely wish you well.

Chapter 1

Under Grey Skies 

7:02 PM - Narda and Mara’s Shared Apartment

 

Nag t-type si Narda sa kanyang computer, rinig ang tunog ng keyboard sa bawat paglapat ng kanyang mga daliri. Sumandal siya ng bahagya sa kanyang upuan, gaming chair kuno na binigay sa kanya ni Mara. Para daw iyon sa kanya dahil madalas nasasakitan ng likod. Ilang oras na siya nakaupo, tatlo? apat? hindi niya na rin alam, ngunit medyo masakit na ang kanyang katawan. Naka tali ang kaniyang buhok, nakasuot ng grey na oversized jacket, tsaka sweatpants pang terno. Medyo magulo din ang buhok at halata sa eyebags niyang nawalan siya ng oras upang makataulog ng maayos.

 

Kinuha niya ang kanyang telepono, tinanggal sa charger at inalis sa saksakan, alam niyang makakalimutan niya ito kung hindi niya aalisin at ayaw niyang makasunog ng apartment. Tumayo si Narda at binuksan ang kanyang telepono at ang una niyang nakita maliban sa mga notifications ay ang mga messages ni Mara. Napangiti ito ng bahagya, madalas ganito si Mara kapag wala sa bahay— ang dami daming text, madalas chika, minsan tungkol sa kung ano mang ‘trahedya’ ang nangyari sa kanya noong araw na iyon, katulad ng natapakan ang kanyang sapatos nung pasakay na siya sa LRT, o maubusan ng upuan sa bus. 

 

Nagtungo si Narda sa kusina, papunta sa kanyang paboritong sulok kung nasaan ang coffee maker at ang kanyang paboritong mug na may naka imprintang araw na kulay itim. 

 

“Good evening, kumusta naman Doc?” Basa ng isang message ni Mara, hindi pa naman doctor or psychologist si Narda, sabi lang kasi ni Mara na paraan na raw iyon para i-manifest na makakapasa sa board exam tapos maging psychologist siya balang araw. 

 

“Okay lang naman, Nurse Mara. Pagod, walang tulog kahapon.” reply naman niya habang hinihintay na mag-brew yung kape niya habang nakasandal sa kitchen counter. 

 

“Oks lang ‘yan Doc! Kaya yan, goodluck sa miterms.” Reply naman ni Mara sa kanyang message. 

 

“May good news at bad news ako.” Dagdag ni Mara. 

 

“May trabaho daw inalok for me.” 

 

“After nung class namin, tinawag ako ni Prof sabi daw mukha akong magaling mag-alaga ng bata achuchu. Kala ko nga pickup line, jusme. Trabaho pala ‘yun, sabi niya for his friend daw na he owes a lot to kaya ayun— matagal na daw naghahanap ‘yun nung mag-aalaga ng anak niya. Bottomline, ayern babysitter daw, tapos details details tsaka ayun na” 

 

“Naisip ko nga pwede na ites pang sideline diba? Like, sayang naman ‘yung pera.” Dagdag niya. Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Narda, tila naguguluhan kung ano ‘yung bad news doon eh mukha namang magandang opportunity ‘yun para kay Mara. 

 

“Oh, ayos naman pala ‘yung Prof mo tsaka binigyan ka pa ng trabaho. Tinanggap mo ba?” Tanong niya naman sa dalaga at nag hintay ng reply. 

 

“Hehe, ‘yun yung bad news mhie. Hindi ko tinggangap.” Napakunot noo si Narda, sayang din naman kasi yung opportunity tsaka ‘yung bayad, hindi naman sa lahat ng oras may pera si Mara. Tsaka pandagdag na rin sa pambayad sa tuition niya at sa renta kanilang shared apartment. 

 

“Jusme ang hirap na mag juggle ng pag-aaral tapos mag aalaga pa ako ng junakis, tsaka based on experience ayaw sa’kin ng mga bata. Nag ba-barista ako tapos may online tutoring pa ako ng mga afam pag gabi, o saan ko naman ‘yun masisiksik sa schedule ko?” Sabi naman ni Mara, sabagay, parehas silang may sideline sideline kung saan matanggap, sayang din kasi ‘yung pera. 

 

“Pero, ito ‘yung good news, may iba akong nirefer.” Napatanong naman si Narda, habang nasa kabila niyang kamay ang mug at uminom ito ng kape. Binaba niyang muli ito at nagreply. 

 

“Sino?” tanong niya kay Mara at mabilis naman itong nag reply.

 

“Ikaw! Hoy sayang ‘yun bakla, four thousand daw dalawang araw na pag aalaga sa bata, umaga hanggang makauwi ‘yung nanay niya. Parang trial daw kinemerurut, like titingnan kung okay na mag alaga tapos full time contract. Ang sosyal baks, may kontrata pa.” Saad ni Mara, napaisip naman si Narda, hindi naman ganoon ka-packed ang schedule niya, tsaka pandagdag din. Marami na kasi siyang utang kay Mara, nahihiya na rin nga ito minsan kapag nagbibigay ang kaniyang kaibigan. 

 

“Sabihin mo lang kung gora ka ha? Uuwi naman ako mamaya, usap tayo about sa other rules tsaka schedule. Punta na me, sasakay pa ng bus.” 

 

Ngumiti si Narda at nag reply, “Sige, salamat. Update ka kapag nakasakay ka na. Ingat pauwi.” 

 

Napabuntong hininga siya at nilapag ang telepono sa counter, habang hawak hawak ang kanyang mug at umiinom ng kape. Napaisip siya tungkol sa alok ni Mara, hindi naman masama na may extra source of income siya at dalawang araw lang naman, tsaka, apat na libo para mag alaga ng bata? Doon pa lang, natunugan niya na na medyo may kaya o mayaman yung kung sino man ‘yung nanay o tatay nun. Tsaka, hindi rin madaling makahanp ng ganoong pera sa panahon ngayon, bariya na nga ‘yung one-hundred sa Maynila, tatanggi pa ba siya?

 

Chapter 2: Under Grey Skies

Summary:

When Regina— a mother, tries to balance the relationship between her daughter and her line of work, she navigates through motherhood and finds comfort in her daughter. But when both parents are mostly busy working, who would take care of Max? Narda, a working 3rd year college student takes up the job originally offered to her bestfriend— will this spark a relationship between the two and serve as a bridge to uncover hidden layers and provide clarity to Regina's clouded mind, or will it end in that bridge burning as they go their seperate ways?

Notes:

There are alot of heavy scenes here and I would like to take a moment to thank the people that I showed this to! Thank you for the feedback and love, i'll make sure to finish this for the readers and the people that helped me. I will display TW's if needed and please read the notes to be guided. For people that relate to this, I sincerely hope that it gets better. Whatever part of the storyline that may be, especially the heavy scenes that tackle coping and many more sensitive topics, I hope that if it resonates— you find peace and that it gets better for you.

Do not give up and keep pushing— keep going, I'm proud of you and I sincerely wish you well.

Under Grey Skies

7: 54 PM - Vanguardia-Robles Household, Regina’s Study

 

Regina’s eyes were almost too tired from skimming through countless emails linking to the San Jose Massacre Case, her witness prefered to converse through emails, although it was odd not having their personal number— she figured that they valued privacy. And it was probably for the best, the lawyer opted to make sure that the witness’s statements were truthful, the last thing she wanted was to base on a false narrative. 

 

 

A soft knock on the door interrupted her focus, turning her head to the side as she called out. “Come in, baby.” She smiled at the thought of seeing her daughter. The door knob turned as it unlocked, the door slowly opening as she saw her daughter on the other side. A smile instantly appears on her lips, her gaze softening at the sight of the little girl.

 

“Mama!” Her daughter ran towards her and wrapped her little arms around Regina’s waist, she was barely tall enough to hug her mama— which was endearing and adorable. She had brown-ish hair, similar to the color of coffee beans, shoulder length hair, hazel coloured eyes, and her bluey t-shirt. She looked like her father, bushy eyebrows and all. 

 

“Max-” She groaned, picking up her daughter and standing up. “I’ll be out in a minut-” She noticed that the small girl was holding something behind her back. Smiling as she tilts her head to the side a little, looking at the bond paper on Max’s hands as she holds it.

 

“Can you tell me what that is?” She asks, planting a kiss on her forehead. The little girl giggled, cupping her mom’s face and patting her cheek. She reminded Regina of herself— it warmed her heart to see Max, it warmed her heart to see a glimpse of herself in her young daughter.

 

“Homework po. The animal-z…” she paused trying to grasp the idea of pronouncing the letter ‘s’ correctly.

 

“Yes, baby. The animals?” she asked, raising a brow as she struggled to hold her daughter against her chest. 

 

“Zoo, the homework. Mama told Max to draw them.” She said, a smile on her face. Regina puts her down and stretched her arms, she sat down for too long— her back hurting at the simple task of picking up her daughter. 

 

“Mama?” She looks at the monitor on the desk, displaying the image of the article— Regina quickly shuts off the computer as the screen projected the article which contained graphic images not meant for Max’s little mind. “Work po, Mama is working.” 

 

“Mama, eat dinner with Max?” Regina’s eyes dimmed, her smile faltering. She hadn’t had the time to eat dinner with Max, the small girl often dines with her Tito Ali or Tita Xandra or the babysitters. Most would invite their partners over and do whatever they wanted after Max fell asleep, it was something she tried to control, but she thought that maybe the problem lies within the fact that she isn’t the one taking care of Max. Or that Max often eats dinner facing the television in the living room, alone with her elephant ‘Gigi’ or her other stuffed toys. 

 

She couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

 

“Y-yes, I will. Just give mama a minute, okay? I’ll cook something for you po.” She leans down and gives her daughter a kiss on the cheek and Max reciprocates the gesture with a soft giggle. 

 

“Okay po, Mama, Max watch Bluey. Love you” Max waves goodbye to her mom, her drawing of the zoo animals on the desk. “I love y-” and she’s gone, before Regina could say it back. Regina holds the illustration, the slightly messy traces of crayons, the chalky feel of it on her hands, and the little girl on the paper holding her mom’s hand as they looked at the animals. It reminded her so much about Max, it was uniquely hers, and now she doesn’t know how to feel. Sad, regretful, happy, all of it? She sits back down, leaning back against the chair and turning the monitor on. She really wanted to make it up to Max but- she had important things to do, she wished it wasn’t as dragging and exhausting as it is. 

 

She grabs her phone and sees a message from an old friend of hers, well, he was much older than her— asking her how she’s been and how it’s going with Max. She tells him about the need for someone to take care of Max while she handles the case, just until she gets the statement once she and the witness meet up to talk about the incident. He tells her that he can help with it and she shouldn’t worry so much about the case nor bombard her thoughts with it. 

 

She chuckled bitterly, wishing it was that easy. 

 

 

Chapter 3: Under Grey Skies - III

Summary:

When Regina— a mother, tries to balance the relationship between her daughter and her line of work, she navigates through motherhood and finds comfort in her daughter. But when both parents are mostly busy working, who would take care of Max? Narda, a working 3rd year college student takes up the job originally offered to her bestfriend— will this spark a relationship between the two and serve as a bridge to uncover hidden layers and provide clarity to Regina's clouded mind, or will it end in that bridge burning as they go their seperate ways?

Notes:

There are alot of heavy scenes here and I would like to take a moment to thank the people that I showed this to! Thank you for the feedback and love, i'll make sure to finish this for the readers and the people that helped me. I will display TW's if needed and please read the notes to be guided. For people that relate to this, I sincerely hope that it gets better. Whatever part of the storyline that may be, especially the heavy scenes that tackle coping and many more sensitive topics, I hope that if it resonates— you find peace and that it gets better for you.

Do not give up and keep pushing— keep going, I'm proud of you and I sincerely wish you well.

Under Grey Skies

8:12 PM - Narda and Mara’s Apartment

 

Mabagal ang paghinga ni Narda habang nakapikit ang kanyang mga mata, ang mga braso niya ay nagsilbing unan habang nakaupo siya sa harap ng kanyang computer. Ang mahinang tunog ng electricfan at ang pagpatak ng ulan sa labas— nakakaantok, at ramdam naman g kanyang katawan ang pagod at ang kawalan ng tulog. Kaya’t nakatulog ito habang gumagawa ng kanyang reviewer. 

 

Bumukas ang pinto ng apartment, dahan dahang inikot ang doorknob at akma ngang magsasalita si Mara, buti na lamang nakita niya na natutulog si Narda. Ang loob ng kanilang apartment ay mayroong open kitchen na malapit lamang sa pintuan. May tatlong desk sa buong apartment, mayroon sa likod ng sofa na nakaharap sa kulay puting pader— mayroon sa loob ng kwarto ni Narda at mayroon din sa silid ni Mara. Madalas, doon nag aaral si Narda sa sala kapag walang tao kaya hindi na bago ito kay Mara. 

 

Napabuntong hininga ito habang inilalapag ang bag sa sofa, nakatingin sa kaibigan niyang natutulog— alam naman ni Mara kung gaano mag-pokus si Narda sa pag a-aral, hindi rin kasi birong mabuhay sa Maynila at iwanan ang kanyang pamilya sa probinsya upang magbakasakaling makahanap ng trabaho at makatulong sa Lola Berta niya. 

 

Medyo magulo ang kanyang buhok, para ngang may tumutulo pa na laway— gusto sanang tumawa ni Mara dahil tulog mantika ito ngunit naawa siya. Kinuha niya ang kanyang telepono sa bulsa ng kanyang uniporme at nag picture, may flash io kaya’t dali dali niyang tinakpan. Humikab si Narda at unti unting nagising.

 

“Sino ‘yan?’ Saad ni Narda habang pinapamilyar ang kanyang mga mata sa ilaw ng apartment. “Magnanakaw beh.” Sagot naman ni Mara, tumawa ito at nagtungo sa kusina. 

 

“Ako ‘to, baliw. Good evening Doc, kumusta tulog?” dagdag niya habang nagbubukas ng ref— hawak ang karton ng binili niyang ‘almond milk’ noong nakaraang araw. 

 

Hindi umimik si Narda at umupo ng ayos, nag stretching pa nga siya ng kanyang mga braso at humikab muli. “Hindi ka nag sabi, nakauwi ka na pala—” tumingin siya kay Mara na nakangiti parin habang nagsasalin ng gatas sa baso. 

 

“Paano mo makikita? Tulog ka baks, tsaka nag text ako! Natulugan mo na nga ako, hindi mo pa ako binati.” Sumimangot ito. 

 

“Birthday mo ba? Sorry— wait, hindi naman ah?” Sagot naman ni Narda habang naguguluhan. 

 

“Tangek, wala ka pang good evening Nurse Mara— oh, pinapagod mo masyado yang sarili mo. Tingnan mo? Hindi ka na natutulog, puro-noodles tsaka-” Pinutol ni Narda ang kanyang sasabihin.

 

“Good evening, Nurse Mara.” Napatigil na lamang si Mara at napabuntong hininga. Alam naman niyang hindi makikinig si Narda, matigas rin kasi ang ulo.

 

“Oo na, sus. Kumain ka na ba?” Tanong naman niya habang nagbubukas ng pintuan ng ref. 

 

Tumayo si Narda at tumungo na sa kusina habang kinukuskos ang kanyang mga mata— tila hindi pa nga siya masyadong gising, binabalot parin ang kanyang katawan ng pagod at antok. “Magluluto naman ako, hinihintay lang kita—” 

 

Pinakita ni Mara ang litrato ni Narda na kaninang tulog na tulog. Kumunot ang noo ng dalaga at sinubukan kunin ang telepono nito— “Ops! Bawal. Ganda mo kaya d’yan,” 

 

“Isa.” Saad naman niya, tumawa si Mara at inilayo pa ang telepono. 

 

“Ih, wag mo na ipa-delete. Memories kaya ‘yan!”

 

“Natutulog ako, memories? Napaka sama talaga ng ugali, tapos anak daw ng Diyos.” Napairap na lamang si Narda at umatras— bumuntong hininga at hindi na pinilit na makuha ‘yung phone ni Mara. 

 

“Wag ka kasing masyadong magpuyat, tingnan mo, eyebags mo may dalang extra baggage, ano? May sarili ba yang bitbit? Naglalaway ka pa, tsaka hindi ka pa kumakain. Paano nalang si Narda kung wala si Mara ha?” May lamang pag-aalala ang mga mata ni Mara, hindi niya naman gustong laging ganiyan si Narda, halos hindi na nga niya naalagaan ang sarili niya— bata pa kaya? 

 

“Mag aalaga ka pa ng bata hoy, ayusin mo.” Tumabi ito at naupo sa may dining table habang nakatingin sa kaniyang kaibigan na naghahalungkat ng ref. 

 

“Hindi ko pa nga tinatanggap-” 

 

“Sabagay. Pero kung tatanggapin mo, mag ayos ka kaya. Oh, tingnan mo, imbis na maganda ang first impression sa’yo ng bata baka matakot pa. Like mag ano ka- make-up, freshen up, mag beauty sleep ka, skincare, basta gets mo na yun.” Sabi niya at uminom ng gatas.

 

“Bes, worried lang naman ako. Puro ka others, paano naman ang self-love ha? Mahal ka pa naman ni-” Kumunot ang noo ni Narsa habang hawak hawak ang plastic ng buong manok na para sa adobong kaniyang lulutuin.  

 

“Sino nanaman ‘yan?” Tanong naman ni Narda.

 

“Yung gumawa ng ark, like nag save ng mga animals.” Lalong naguluhan si Narda, kung ano ano nanamang code name ang naisipan ni Mara. Noon, prutas lang, mansanas (Adam), tapos kung ano anong hayop, Lion (Leo), tapos ito naman. 

 

“Si Noah! Duh? Like ‘yung nag ano basta ‘yun na. Bes, hinahanap ka sa’kin, kumusta ka na daw, kulang nalang tanungin kung anong schedule mo.” Umirap ito habang nakatingin sa kaibigan.

 

“So, casual lang sabi ko. Diba tinanong niya, sabi ko, okay lang naman siya, tapos nung nag joke ako na may boyfriend ka na nasamid. Gulat siya mhie.” Tumawa naman ito at ngumiti. 

 

“Ayun, kala niya may boyfie ka na. Tapos kailan pa daw, achuchu, basta tinakasan ko nalang. Ending, ayun, bumaba na ako ng bus.” 

 

“Tumatanggap ako ng thank you pero in cash.” Binukas niya ang kanyang palad. “Hirap kaya magsinungaling, alam ko naman na wapakels ka dun, tsaka ayaw mo ng tit-” Tumaas ang kilay ni Narda at tinitigan si Mara. 

 

“Ikalma, mga tito. Tito kasi, mukha silang may anak na. Wala naman masama dun pero ‘yung dating lang, gets mo ba?” Napabuntong hininga na lamang si Narda at umiling iling.

 

Pagkatapos ng kalahati o higit pa sa kalahating oras, naluto na rin ang signature dish ni Narda— adobong manok na may pinya, paborito din kasi ito ni Mara at parang nagiging comfort food na ito ng dalawa sa tuwing pagod at nahihirapan sa pag balanse ng trabaho/sidelines sa pag-aaral.

 

“Oh ito na nga.” Sabi naman ni Mara habang puno pa ng kanin ang bibig. 

 

“Kumain ka muna kasi.” Sabi naman ni Narda habang kumukuha pa ng adobo.

 

“Makinig na kasi. Okay so, bukas daw, diba Saturday naman tapos gabi ka naman needed doon sa convenience store, bukas daw if pwede ka umaga hanggang mga alas sai- basta six or seven ng gabi.” Saad ni Mara habang kinukuha ang pitsil na puno ng malamig na tubig. 

 

“Pumayag na ba ako?” Tanong naman ni Narda habang kumakain. 

 

“Payag ka na kasi, ang chika nga maganda ‘yung nanay eh. Diba type mo naman ‘yun, yung mga matanda sa’yo ganun. Tsaka, malay mo diba?” 

 

“May asawa ‘yun, tsaka hindi ganoon ang pakay ko kung tatanggapin ko man ‘yung trabaho.” Napakunot noo si Narda sa narinig, hindi naman ganun ang intensyon niya. 

 

“Sorry sorry, basta. Tanggapin mo na, bigay ko address, update ko si Prof suplado tapos sabihin ko pumayag ka.” Bago pa makapag salita si Nards pinatahimik na ito ni Mara— kaya’t hinarap niya nalang, hindi naman siguro masama ‘yung experience, tsaka dagdag na rin niya ‘yun sa ipon upang makapag padala at mag bayad sa utang niya kay Mara. 

 

“Oo na, send mo bukas. Anong oras?” 

 

Tumili naman si Mara at ngumiti habang hawak ang piraso ng manok. “Eight daw, gumising ka ng maaga. Maligo, mag toothbrush, mag linis ka.” at doon napagtanto ni Narda na hindi na siya maaring umayaw, kaya’t sisiguraduhin niya na lamang na matapos ang dalawang araw na iyon, at kung papalarin ay makontrata. 

 

Ano pa bang mawawala sakanya? 

 

Chapter 4: Under Grey Skies - IV

Summary:

Regina tries to cook for Max, getting the little child all excited— but what happens if all her plans of making it up to Max, goes wrong?

Notes:

There are alot of heavy scenes here and I would like to take a moment to thank the people that I showed this to! Thank you for the feedback and love, i'll make sure to finish this for the readers and the people that helped me. I will display TW's if needed and please read the notes to be guided. For people that relate to this, I sincerely hope that it gets better. Whatever part of the storyline that may be, especially the heavy scenes that tackle coping and many more sensitive topics, I hope that if it resonates— you find peace and that it gets better for you.

Do not give up and keep pushing— keep going, I'm proud of you and I sincerely wish you well.

Under Grey Skies

8:24 - Vanguardia-Robles Household 

 

‘Copycat’ The title of the episode flashes on the screen as it shows Max’s favorite characters. Bluey mimics her dad in the morning, playing around as the episode progresses. Max’s smile fades a little, holding her elephant ‘Gigi’ and keeping it close to her chest— gaze fixated on the flashing scenes on the television. Bluey goes on a morning walk, still copying her dad as they wander the concrete sidewalk. Bluey’s dad seemed to play along and Max couldn’t help but think to herself. Bluey’s dad was cool, he was a great father— and she couldn’t help but remember hers. Which brought a smile to her lips as she continued to watch. 

 

Bluey spots a little budgie— a bird that was native to Australia. Max scratches her head, the little birdie was on the ground. Bandit— Bluey’s dad, picked up its small body and suggested that they bring it to the vet, so— they put the bird in a little shoebox, wrapped a small tea towel around it and drove to the vet.

 

When they got there, they immediately told the nurse what had happened. And there it was, the news broke— his little mind was clouded with sadness and pity. “Oh, okay.” She managed to say flatly, evidently she was devastated. His dad comforts her and they drive home. Max’s little heart clenched at the scene in front of her— although she couldn’t process it, a part of her feels like it relates to the pain Bluey was feeling, the emotion that she was trying to conceal.

 

The father and daughter drive home, “Dad?” She says as she shifts around in her car seat. “I don’t want the budgie to have died.” Her dad sighs and looks at her briefly. 

 

“I know, me neither,” he paused. “But there’s nothing we can do: it’s out of our hands.” She looks at her father, her eyes showing the smallest of hope that she clings onto— “Are you sure he won’t get better?”

 

“Yeah, I'm sure.” Max frowns at the statement. At a young age, she understands or has the emotional capability to empathize and comprehend the complexity of emotions in a simple scene made for children like her. The duality of being a kid’s show while conveying very real problems, issues, hurdles, and the image of a family— it speaks to her. 

 

The episode ends with Bandit and Bluey, she stopped copying him, after playing with her friends and slowly realizes that it was okay, that it was out of her hands. In a way, they provided comfort, they provided support— and through playing around, she was able to cope with the loss of the bird. 

 

Max smiles as the episode concludes, looking over at the hallway to see if her mom was there— she wasn’t, so Max turned her attention back to the television, seeing the title of a brand new episode and continued watching.

 

Regina was in the shower— the cold water sliding down her body as it cascaded over her curves, it felt like a well needed bath after a long day— but she remembers that she has a daughter to cook for so she hurried up. Lathering the soap on her fair skin, shampooing her long black hair with one blonde streak on both sides which frames her face. She remembered the drawing that Max made of them at the zoo, that was a long time ago, when she had time to tend to her daughter and all— of course with her husband. She feels bad, no, she feels responsible for not giving Max enough. Her time, effort, dedication, and love. But maybe, she could make it up to Max in simple ways— thus she proposed to cook earlier, she smiles and sighs, it was an exhausting day, but seeing Max was easing the exhaustion. Not long after— she puts her robe on, her hair which was still wet, hanging as she lets it down. Drops of water drip on the tiled floor as she makes her way into the hallway to the kitchen. 

 

She picks up a pan and puts it on the stove— bacon and eggs were normally considered breakfast, but it was easy to cook and didn't take too much time to prepare. She grabs four eggs from the fridge, then she sets it down on the kitchen counter— along with the plastic that contains strips of bacon. She cracked the eggs on the pan, it was slightly messy— some of the yolk got onto the counter, then she sighs. She heads to the hallway after a minute— “Max!” She paused.

 

“Come here na po!” She adds, after a couple seconds, the sound of hurried footsteps could be heard as her daughter runs towards her with a smile. She picks up her daughter and kisses her forehead. “Bango naman.” She comments, making the little girl giggle.

 

 

“Yes, mama, Max bath earlier.” She says. “Mama cooking for Max! Mama, the food yummy po?” Max questioned, raising he bushy eyebrow and tilting her head to the side slightly. 

 

Regina chuckles— she couldn’t say it was just bacon and eggs, it was, but it’s too simple. Ah, it’s fine— she thought, remembering that Max loves sunny side up eggs made with love by her father. 

 

“Yes, eggs, yung favourite mo.” Max’s smile widened, eliciting an excited ‘yey’ sound from Max. “Like papa po?” She asked. Regina smiled and pinched her cheek with her free hand, briefly holding on to the little girl with only the left one. “Oo, much better than papa. Talo ‘yun ni Mama Gigi.” She chuckled. 

 

Regina puts her daughter down and remembers the eggs on the pan, she hurries with Max and sees the evident char on the yolk, it burned, maybe a quarter of the egg? She doesn’t take time to process it, she turns the stove off and Max laughs. 

 

But Regina doesn’t, she tries to force a smile. It doesn’t work, she looked devastated? A mixture of disappointment, frustration, sadness— she doesn’t know. She looks at her daughter and sheds a tear, then another, then another. Max stops laughing and immediately hugs her mom, her small body is big enough to hug her up to her waist as she cries harder. This was the time to make it up to Max— this, this seemed too simple but she couldn’t do it. She failed a simple task— and more importantly, her daughter was looking forward to it, to eat the meal that her mom prepared for her but no, Regina just had to disappoint. 

 

“Baby.” She sniffled. Trying to gain some sense of stability— ultimately failing as her daughter looked up at her— she doesn’t know, maybe Max was disappointed, sad, or- she just doesn’t have the capability to understand right now. “Mama no crying po. Mama, okay?” Regina chuckles bitterly, the disappointment evident in her tone. She couldn’t look at her daughter properly, it was the first time she volunteered to cook for Max— she was looking forward to it but here they are. Burnt eggs on the pan, uncooked bacon on the counter. She breathes and picks up her daughter and kisses her cheeks multiple times. Still trying to avoid her gaze, feeling as if by being near her daughter— she doesn’t know whether to feel at ease or feel disappointed at herself. 

 

“Mama, love you. No cry po.” Regina looks at her daughter, finally getting the courage to do so. She looked for the same gaze that she saw earlier but this— her eyes screamed understanding, she didn’t look at Regina, at her mom like she was a failure. Instead she smiled and looked hopeful.

 

“Mama just feels like she isn’t doing good, she feels like she’s not a good mom to Max. And that you deserve better, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t-” Max cuts her off with an even tighter hug, burying her face on her Mama’s chest. “Mama is the be-bezt..” Regina chuckles at the slight stutter. It broke Regina, but at the same time, she felt.. lighter. 

 

“Sorry, baby. I shouldn’t break down like this. I’m your Mama, i’m so sorry.” She responds, cuddling her daughter tighter. 

 

“Mama human too, okay? No cry po, Mama Gigi.” She paused. 

 

“Mama good to Max po. Bezt- bezt Mama! Max know that Mama iz her favorite Mama.” She declares, a smile on her face as she cups Regina’s. Her little hands barely covered a portion of the woman’s cheek. “I’m your only mom, of course I'm the favorite.” She laughs, the tears slowly stopping.

 

“Dunno, Mama bezt.” She repeats. Which warms Regina’s heart, she puts her down making her sit on the chair and wipes her tears. “Mama will order takeout, okay?” And the little girl nods. 

 

“Can Max wait a little more?” She nods again. 

 

“Max play po, can I?” She says and Regina allows it. Max gets down from the chair with her mom’s assistance and she runs down the hallway to the living room. Regina couldn’t feel more stupid or disappointed, whatever it was— it’s miserable. 

 

She heads to the bedroom upstairs to get her phone and orders takeout, going downstairs and into the kitchen as she dials Xandra’s number— Regina’s best friend and Max’s tita. 

 

“I feel like I'm not doing enough, Xan.” She muttered after she heard the faint sound of Xandra’s voice ‘Regi?’ 

 

“Shit, I never even got a word in— you're already crying.” A soft chuckle was heard on the other end, trying to keep it light hearted. Regina wiped her tears and she sounded like she just finished crying like her nose was clogged up. “Xandra, I'm serious.” 

 

“I am too. So, can you listen?” Regina nods as if Xandra could see her through the phone. “You’re doing the best you can, alam naman natin na even before— you and Brian are both working, ikaw mas madalas kang nasa office while he takes care of Max. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang nag aalaga kay Max. Regina, don’t question the fact that you’re a mom, kung ina ka ba talaga kasi hindi ka marunong magluto or nahihirapan ka kay Max minsan.” Regina chuckles, the slight sounds of sniffling and sobbing could still be heard as she leans against the kitchen counter, hand gripping her phone. 

 

“It doesn’t matter— you’re a mom in your own way. You work to provide for your family, you serve the people alongside having a daughter, you make sure she says safe, laging dapat may po at opo, and you make sure that she knows you love her.” Regina took a breath, she doesn’t know if Max knows how much she loves her— she doesn’t say it much, she was around, but not enough to truly bond with her daughter— and most of the times, she’s too busy, her mind screamed that she was incompetent, she was in her own words: ‘not fitting’ to be a mom. 

 

“Hey, Max knows.” Xandra’s tone was soft, gentle, and comforting. It emitted warmth, every single word she spoke was like a soft hug, a reminder of how much she cared. And it was as if she knew what she was thinking— for years, they were best friends. Of course out of all people, she would know. 

 

“I just don’t think I- I don’t feel like a mom.” She breathed out.

 

“It’s not just because of the time, it’s just that— I’m not used to it, I don’t know how to cook, itlog na nga lang nasusunog ko pa, ang masasabi ko nalang kay Max is to go and play or to wait for me to finish. I don’t— I shouldn’t be a mother, Xan.” 

 

“You are, and you should do your best to fulfill that. Hindi naman natin pwede ibalik si Max sa ano mo diba?” Regina furrows her brows at the sudden hint of humor. “What? That’s not-”

 

“No, I mean just do your best. Hindi na bata si Max, she understands you more than you know. Naiintindihan ka ng anak mo, somehow she’s a part of you kaya kahit ano man ‘yan, she’ll get it. So please, enough with the ‘I don’t deserve to be a mother’ because wala tayong magagawa kasi ina ka na, the best thing you can do is own up to it and do your best as a mother. Trust me, you’ll get the skills eventually, turuan pa kita.” She chuckles on the other end, Regina’s body eased up, taking a deep breath.

 

“Yes please, next time you visit.” She says, a faint smile on her lips as she attempts to cheer up a little. Afterall, she would still need to face her daughter. 

 

“I’ll be going, may work pa. Please take care of yourself and Max, okay? You have me and yung isang hindi ko kilala.” Regina laughs, wiping her tears. “What’s with you and Ali?” She raised a brow, amused and somehow lost. There was something between the two, or so it goes. She doesn’t really know.

 

“Wala, nakakairita. Anyways, take care Regi. Call me if you need anything, love you.” Regina reciprocates the gesture and hangs up the phone. She thought about what Xandra said— ‘ina ka na so you have to own up to it’ she should, but the fear of not being good enough as a mom was hard to combat. But she remembers her daughter, she couldn’t be as fragile as she was a year ago— 

 

The doorbell rang, she walked to the front door to see the delivery driver with the food— adobo with garlic rice, then Max’s favorite curly fries and a chocolate shake. Paying the driver and thanking him. 

 

She calls out to Max, the mother and daughter walking to the kitchen— Regina holding the paper bags and setting them on the table. They both sat down and had their dinner, a moment to forget about everything else but Max, the kitchen was filled with laughter and playful banter— it was just them, and it was perfect.