I hate this

by Darkat

Summary:

Gaster wants to finish his project, but something interrupts him.
A warm feeling, so warm it burns. It doesn't make sense, skeletons don't have blood. How is this possible?

He is aware that the soul should not burn the monster that possesses it. The only place he read about this was in those stories called.. "Fanfics" of Alphys mistakenly sent him.
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He chokes on the smoke, he realizes what's happening now.
How embarrassed, that ridiculous biological urge… reproduction.

Notes:

Hello!
I just wanted to let you know that this story was written by someone who is learning English.
So you might find spelling mistakes. And if you don't mind, let me know.

Now yes, enjoy this story! :]

Chapter 1

It's dark outside. It's dawn. It's a perfect time to be asleep, without worrying about your to-dos. Finally having a pleasant rest.

Except for Gaster, he's still awake. 

He hasn't slept in a long while, he drank all the coffee he has and he smoked almost all the cigarettes he had.

And all because he has to finish some core reports, he's been working non-stop on core reports due today. In addition to having a meeting with the King today.

 

He's tired of this, of all this. 

 

Even with his glasses, his vision is blurry, and his 'eye' are burning. He closes his good eye, and places his fingers on his brow.

He opens his eye and looks back at his children, they are finally sleeping. 

They were just talking about their dreams. Something they're not going to achieve, locked up in there...

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He stares at them momentarily, then looks away from that app. He has to concentrate, he has to finish the report. Then he'll have time to review them; 84 hours... he didn't have time all week.

The scientist sighs stressed. He gets back to work. He has trouble writing, his hands hurt, he still has 10,000 words to write...

 

Realizing he needs a break, he checks his pocket and pulls out a cigarette. He doesn't have many left; he'll have to buy some later.

He lights the cigarette and inhales the smoke

it feels so good.

He leans back in the chair, his whole back cracks. The chair is uncomfortable, but he's used to it. He also stretches his legs, they also crack.

He leans his head back in his chair, still smoking, enjoying the silence; he's used to being alone, it's the only way he feels comfortable.

Soon he begins to play with the smoke he releases, making figures.

 

After a while he wants to understand something, all day he felt strange; pleasantly strange.

He doesn't understand why. The day was just as bad as always, few hours of sleep, work, torture, more work, and even more work...

He realizes that he feels warm, it doesn't make sense, skeletons don't have blood. How is this possible?

 

He also realizes that he has been more... sensitive? than ever.

He genuinely doesn't care what happens to him, but this is weird for him.

He honestly feels more energetic, but he works the same as always... well, even less.

He also realizes that his soul feels warm... Well no, a burning warmth. It feels weird.

He is aware that the soul should not burn the monster that possesses it. The only place he read about this was in those stories called..

"Fanfics" of Alphys mistakenly sent him.

.

.

.

 

He chokes on the smoke, he realizes what's happening now. 

How embarrassed, that ridiculous biological urge… reproduction.

 

-tch- It's the only thing the scientist lets go.

 

His body in need of something so unnecessary.

Then he realizes that since he already understood that it is his body, it begins to hurt. He feels hotter than before, it's blinding his thoughts. In this state it is impossible for him to continue with the work.

He is not worthy to have pleasure, after all he has done, he does not deserve it.

He wants to, but he knows that such a thing should not be allowed to him.

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He takes another drag from his cigarette, the anxiety gnawing at him, the need becomes worse.

He tries to wipe away the cigarette ash that fell on his shirt. His bones are very sensitive. He gently massages his chest in circles over his clothes to confirm.

 

-Mhh..-

 

His body is crying out for it. He doesn't deserve this. No one should touch him, not even himself.

 

He growls stressed -calm down.-

 

Trying to ignore the feeling, he sits up straight. Since he has finished his cigarette, he returns to work. 

He sighs, resumes using the keyboard.

He knows that it will be difficult for him to concentrate, even making it difficult for him to breathe. So he dictates what he writes. 

 

-Alright.. The numbers have been changing, at least they reached 567-686 and at most the numbers reached hot...-

He coughs -at most the numbers reached 2094-3003, are unusually low values...-

 

Then he realizes that his soul is brighter than usual, contrasting with the dark room.

... Enough. He doesn't deserves that, he doesn- 

He is interrupted by a pleasant shiver that runs through his body, he lets out a soft moan.

 

-.. n-no- He says to himself.

 

His body demands that he do it, his mind screams at him not to.

When he wants to continue with the report his hands tremble with anxiety, accumulated need.

 

He can't.

 

He abruptly gets up from his chair and paces quickly around the room. Trying to calm himself.

-Enough.. Enough- murmurs to himself.

He's tired. The feeling doesn't go away.

Then-

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.

.

 

His soul leaves his body, did it on its own. This lights up the whole room.

He has a long silence. 

-...fuck-

He's not going to do that.

Then he carefully tries to return his soul to its place, to his rib cage; pushing it with both hands inside. 

He can't; it's too wet and it slips out of his hands. Plus, it's very sensitive, making it impossible for him. 

His hands are shaking, and by touching him, he is provoking himself.

No.

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He needs to finish this at once, if he keeps going like this he won't be able to do all the things he needs to do today on time.

This is purely chemical, nothing more. He knows he doesn't deserve such a thing.

He lets out a deep, shaky breath...

He sits back in his chair and puts his PC in the background. And he turns his back on the PC, he doesn't want to see his reflection.

He does not do this out of desire or because he wants to.

Just to shut up this weakness, nothing more.

And when it's over, he's going to hate himself more than before. And so then he can proceed with his projects.

He sits for a moment, just sitting. His soul is pumping more than usual with need. It burns a lot.

-Agh, fine-

He leans back in the chair and gently caresses his soul with one hand. He doesn't want to admit it, but it feels good. 

The soul feels warm, soft, slippery. A watery liquid remains in his hand.

He tries not to think about anything, to clear his mind. It's just him and his mind. He feels guilty about doing this.

 

He now presses harder and strokes more slowly, moving his fingers in circles. 

He bites the fingers of his other hand, he doesn't want to hear himself like that.

He closes his eyes, his back curves a little at his pelvis. His body trembles, his body aches, desperate for friction. How pathetic.

The air becomes heavier for him to inhale, even though he doesn't have lungs.

He finds a tender spot and gently massages it with his fingertips.

He tries with all his might to make no sound, he shouldn't.

His eyes begin to glow in a pinkish hue. His body feels more sensitive than before and warmer. He can't help but cross his legs.

This feels fucking good to him.

 

He massages with ascending speed in the sensitive area.

-Oh God..- He says still trying to contain his moans. He tries harder to cover his mouth.

His soul increases its brightness, as does his squint. This substance is wetting his shirt..

He can't believe he let himself be carried away by primitive instinct. This is bad...

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Abruptly he stops.

 

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He slowly takes his hands away and looks at them, they feel wet. He feels... dirty.

He wants to stop, but his body is screaming for him to keep going. 

 

-...What I'm doing...?- He asks, embarrassed, disgusted, tired..

 

His sigh is quickened, his eyes still shining pink; his body trembles, demanding that he continue.

He doesn't like this, but wants to end it. 

 

Honestly, without any desire, he returns again to what he was doing.

With the pads of his fingers, he massages faster than before. 

Almost mechanically, he uses his other hand to avoid making any sounds.

 

He hates this..

 

He accelerates gradually the friction of his hand.

His soul and his eyes shine more brightly. His breaths are shaky, as is his body.

His shoulders unconsciously rise and he lifts his head.

Increase the speed more, he wants to finish quickly.

He bites his fingers harder, finding it difficult to contain his moans.

He closes his eyes to the sensation of so much stimulation.

And closes his legs more.

 

He feels so close...

 

Almost without controlling it, he increases the speed even more. His hand hurts, but he wants to get it over with.

He leans back further in his chair, leaning his head back further and his shoulders rising higher.

He's sweating a little.

His shirt is mostly wet, as are his hands.

Even he trying to stop his sounds with his hand is inevitable.

His hands and legs are shaking.

He can no longer control himself, he feels like he is holding onto the clouds, he is very close..

 

His mind is already on another plane, without control of himself.

Even though his hands hurt, he continues to increase his speed as much as possible.

His body is shaking like crazy.

The brightness of his eyes and soul are at their maximum splendor.

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He lets out a high-pitched, long moan.

 

Everything turns white. He feels like he's on cloud nine for a few seconds. 

 

It feels amazing..

 

When he falls back to earth again.

He can finally breathe deeply, the air is normal.

After several seconds of trying to compose himself, he opens his good eye with difficulty.

For a moment forgetting everything that happened.

 

His soul returns to its rightful place.

He looks at himself, he still warm, his cheeks are red, he's all wet and has a peculiar smell... He's also sweaty and disheveled.

He's going to have to change and take a shower, no doubt.

 

That nagging feeling is gone; now he just feels worse than before. He wasted time and energy on something so useless.

He turns his chair back and sees his reflection in the turned-off computer... How pathetic. 

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Disappointed he continues looking at the screen.

Then he takes off his shirt and goes to the bathroom, he has to get all this out. 

 

The report can wait.

 

He can't see himself like that.

He finishes undressing and turns on the shower. He sits on the floor, trying to get rid of a feeling...

 

He knows he won't be able to get it out with soap and water.

Chapter 2

Summary:

The old scientist still has the same annoying sensation from early morning. He couldn't get rid of it, but the memory persists.
Not even usual work distracts him.

But he came up with a solution: using the formula for some old pills that he himself had designed for himself back then, when he was younger.

L.H.R. Inhibitor (Libido and Hormonal Response Inhibitor).

He is sure that this will work.

That same day.

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It's already 8 p.m. At this point the scientist, after the depressed shower, finished the report on time and handed it in.

Indeed, he had the meeting with Asgore, apparently the King was worried about his well-being, something that disappeared when he noticed him in a better mood. Gaster, when he realized it, was clearly annoyed to clearly know why.

 

After that he went to buy a pack of cigarettes, certainly needed them. He smoked several.

Once that was over, the scientist returned to his laboratory to continue experimenting on his biggest project yet.

He had several things planned for that day, for the whole month, actually. 

Then he, wanting to follow the routine, prepared things for the children.

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.

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He can't.

Still feels strange, the feeling from the early morning remains, even if he vent it, it seems not completely... satisfied, or silenced, or whatever it's called.

He grabs his head with his hands, almost scratched his face, Gaster is already tired of this.

 

He has to end this.

 

Either way he needs to get this over with.

...He reminds him that keeping the mind busy usually leads to ignoring the sentimental...

He takes several intelligence and reasoning tests to saved situations to supposedly test them in a few days, but he has no other choice, it is the simplest thing he has to advance in the great project. He can't pause it now, has to keep going, his emotional state doesn't matter.

 

The tall skeleton proceeds to call the children separately, giving them the appropriate tests in a table, In different times.

Gaster sit down in front of them, and writes everything down, he relaxes more in the fact that being with them distracts him. Feels calmer.

 

-How strange, 3rd day with IQ tests. Are you running out of ideas on how to torture my brother and me?-

1-S expresses when he finishes the test, looking at him clearly curious, the older one doesn't tend to do tests like this very often.

 

Gaster pauses briefly.

-..That's meant that you prefer the usual routine?-

He asks curiously, coldly. He's still taking notes, with legs crossed, relaxed.

 

-No, like I'd like to see you hurt my brother and me, huh? I'm not a monster like you.-

1-S crosses his arms on the table.

 

-You don't need to say it, I'm aware of it.-

The tall skeleton says while looking at him, expressionless.

 

-I'm glad- 

1-S looks happy with the answer.

 

-Your gladness is irrelevant to the data.-

He says without looking at him.

 

-Yeah, sure.-

He rolls his eyes, and seems to be analyzing the scientist further momently.

-Are you shivering? ...Did they threaten you? I hope so-

 

Gaster freezes.

 

He stops writing abruptly, he hadn't even noticed. After a brief silence, he leaves his notes on the table and stands up.

 

-1-S, you can return to your cell.-

 

The child seems annoyed with the answer but obeys.

The tall skeleton leaves the kid in his cell, and returns quick to this laboratory.

The fact that he tried to distract himself from the feeling with them, what the hell was he thinking? He feels more disgusted than before.

He thought the morning feeling would eventually go away with the routine, like always. But no, the oldman still desperate like an animal.

 

-I'm not an animal!-

He says angrily. 

 

He can't stand this anymore, then quickly goes to a drawer next to his desk, searching for a folder of discarded projects.

A..

B..

C..

Got it! 

L.H.R. Inhibitor (Libido and Hormonal Response Inhibitor).

An abandoned project he created for himself several years ago, in his pre-adulthood, the same thing happened to him, but over time it went away. He never thought he'd ever do it.

But he's so tired of this feeling...

The chemical isn't difficult. It's fairly easy to make, with just a few mistakes. Gaster gets down to work.

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.

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After about a few hours, adjusting some values in the process and searching for some materials in his other lab; Where he met Alphys, she was curious that he was there so out of nowhere, easily made sure nothing fell into suspicion.

 

He finally finished the product.

 

He made pills, seemingly normal ones. Just in case he made too many, he didn't want to waste any more time with this; it was bothering him enough already.

He just takes the pill, this should have a quick effect, since he's a skeleton, he doesn't have a digestive system, so it goes straight to his soul.

He is sure that his product will work...

 

He feels calmer.

It's a shame he didn't do it sooner, he didn't know how long this would really take, it's too late to experiment with children.

And he's going to have to reorganize the entire planned month of work. He lets out a frustrated sigh.

So he brings food to the children, and then sends them to sleep.

And he goes back to his laboratory, now to observe the recordings of subjects, he didn't have time to see them all week... 168 hours.

-ughh- He lets go while grabbing his face, tired; he didn't sleep last night, his good eye is burning, he has a headache, he's fine.

He takes a cigarette from his pocket and lights it, playing with the smoke for a moment, then leaves the laboratory in darkness; it's easier for him to concentrate that way. 

He sits on the chair and speeds up the recordings; most of the time, the children just talk, heal each other, eat, sleep, nothing interesting..

 

It's just the same thing over and over and over... and over again.

He yawns, and rests his head on one of his hands. As he lets smoke come out of his teeth.

This is a waste of time, He needs to find a more effective way to view the recordings. Even the clock's tiktak became tiresome, repetitive.

It's just the same, over and over and over...

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.

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Gaster unconsciously falls asleep on his table, into a deep sleep. 

Not looking very comfortable. But the way he is sleeping makes it seem very peaceful. Breathing deeply.

 

His computer paused due to prolonged inactivity and went into the background, leaving the room completely dark.

 

He is definitely making up for the sleep hours of the day, well, the week in general.

 

The laboratory is silent, at peace.

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.

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He abruptly lets out a soft gasp.

 

Now he looks uncomfortable, as if he's trying to escape from his dream... Or nightmare, Or a mix of the two.

 

He frowns, And he feels an invisible cold embrace his bones, making him shudder.

At the same time, his soul shines brighter and his eyes begin to glow in a pinkish hue. 

He seems to be trying to contain some sounds, at the same time his breathing becomes agitated. 

He looks pleasant, but at the same time uncomfortable; he definitely doesn't want to be there in the dream.

Gradually he begins to sweat.

His fingers seem to be trying to hold on to the table, even when he's unconscious.

At some point, he can't hold back the sounds and lets out low moans between denials.

He's definitely enjoying whatever's happening, he just wants to deny it, he doesn't think he deserves it.

 

He doesn't deserve it.

 

-n.. no- God.. no.. stop, STOP IT!-

He wakes up abruptly. Breathing fast, as if he had run a marathon.

He's still shivering, it doesn't seem like it's from the cold; On the contrary, he feels warm, extremely warm.

He's blushing, still shining pink, softer now.

 

The scientist feels a little dizzy from waking up so suddenly, trying to understand what happened he clutches his head as if trying to gather himself together.

Now more awake, he realizes that there is a strong light in front of him which is blinding him with its intensity... 

 

It is his soul.

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.

.

Again?

 

This time it's not the same as the day before. 

He feels horribly desperate, even dizzy. 

He settles into his chair and starts touching himself, It seems more like a mechanical reflex. He shudders and lets out a soft moan. 

Feels sensitive without a doubt; he can't help it. He needs to finish, he can't take it anymore.

 

He can't even think straight, the scientist always having everything under control now just wants to end that feeling that's burning inside his soul.

The feeling is consuming him.

He doesn't feel himself. If someone walked there, he certainly wouldn't notice.

 

The skeleton had never felt such a strong sensation before, too desperate...

 

Almost unconsciously, he gradually accelerates his speed; he can't control himself. The air feels so heavy, it's difficult to breathe. At the same time, he lets out gradually louder moans; and he feels himself shudder. 

 

He can’t help but tilt his head back, eyes shut tight as he stares blindly toward the ceiling; it's too much.

His eyes shine a strong fuchsia.

He feels such a strange sensation, between a pleading pleasure that burns from within him, and at the same time a coldness caused by his sweat.

 

-p.. please- He can't stand the feeling any longer.

 

He gradually accelerates his speed, barely noticing how slippery his hand is, it's soaked.

With the other, he grips the chair.

 

He can't help it, he feels so close.

He increases his speed even more, his hand starts to hurt, he just wants to finish.

He starts to have spasms, the air becomes even heavier, a strong blush covers his face, he feels extremely dizzy.

He can't help it, the strength of his moans increases.

 

It feels so good.

 

-Ah- God- no- no- pleas- please, stop- thi- this no- He says between loud moans, something inside him tells him to stop, but something bigger forces him to continue, he really feels disoriented.

His soul screams, his body burns.

He's shaking a lot, his head leans further back in the chair.

 

The speed increases even more, he can't go any further. 

He shines fuchsia to the max, he almost feels like he's suffocating.

 

-ah-h fuckk!- It's the only coherent thing he manages to release between the last very loud moans.

 

He feels as if he has released something big.

 

It seems as if everything has turned white, and he travels towards the clouds, looks around for a few seconds, everything is so clear, beautiful, pleasant. 

 

He floats there momentarily.

 

...Until he starts to go down again, he doesn't have the entrance there.

The scientist tries to hold on to the clouds, but they crumble at his touch and he falls back to earth.

He remains lying back in his chair, destroyed, he can't get up.

He can finally breathe normally, but he feels too agitated.

He feels his soul return to its normal position, and continues pumping rapidly.

 

He stays like that, and besides feeling disgusting, he's all wet.

 

He finally gradually regains consciousness, places his dry hand on his face, and rubs his eyes.

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.

.

-What the hell was that?!- He screams internally.

 

He's already starting to suspect the pill he took, what happened didn't feel natural and it's not like there are more of his kind to compar-

 

Out of nowhere he hear a footstep.

 

Gaster freezes, and suddenly he opens his good eye, that was definitely not him. 

But who else could it be? No one else has access to this lab.

 

He slowly turns in that direction.

.

.

.

 

-ALPHYS?!-

He didn't expect her to be able to get in, she's not supposed to be able to. 

He reflexively covers himself with his still-wearing robe, even though it is also somewhat wet.

 

-AH- NO- NO, SOR- sorry, It wasn't my intention!!-

Alphys shakes her hands in agitation, her nerves rising.

She runs away from anxiety.

 

The old scientist blushes from nervousness, his coworker saw him like that, how horrible, how much did she really see?

 

He can't even get up, he feels too tired.

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After several minutes, once he felt he had recovered enough energy, he got up from his chair... 

Oh damn. He haven't noticed got wet more than he expected, also his clothes reached his desk table.

More to clean. Disgusting animal.

 

Now that he finally stood up he went to look where Alphys went... The exit door is unlocked.

He will definitely have to improve the security of the laboratory, he thought that what he had put in place was enough.

He's going to have to talk to her; this can't be left like this. Why did she break into his lab? How did she get in? Why did she get in?

These questions will be asked personally..

 

He re-activates the security that was on by default.

He's still curious, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong with the pills. That was undoubtedly what put him in that state. Maybe some kind of miscalculation of the substances, strange, but his calculations were correct.

He takes the box out of his pocket and throws it in the trash. It was a complete waste of time. 

...At least the horrible persistent feeling is now relieved.

On top of that, he wasted more time than he should have. He should be working right now...

 

Wait, what time is it?

 

He checks the clock in his lab, it's almost 4am.

He certainly lost a lot of time, and he still needs to bathe and clean up.

...The skeleton is going to start now, so he doesn't waste any more time.

He feels disgusting, but he has work to do, always has.

And tomorrow, he'd have to deal with Alphys.

Notes:

Hello readers, I hope you liked it! :]

Honestly, I was very hesitant to upload this part, I edited it a lot. There was one part I didn't like at all, but I fixed it now xd.