Chapter Text
Subaru’s eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he simply lay there, as if his mind was still catching up to the fact that he was awake. He blinked slowly, then pushed himself up into a sitting position on the bed. His hands instinctively reached for the blanket that had covered him through the night, fingers brushing against the fabric. His gaze swept across the room, still clouded with confusion.
Where am I...?
Every time he had woken up before, it was always in a cold cell, tied to the floor.
He paused, noticing something strange. His fingers stopped brushing against the fabric as he slowly raised his hand to his face. His eyes widened in surprise. He had all his fingers—no visible scars, no dried blood, just clean skin.
Subaru froze.
Memories flooded in all at once.
"Ahh..." he breathed, the realization hitting him.
He had escaped.
He turned his head toward the window. Outside, wooden houses dotted the landscape, clustered around a stone well. Beyond them rose towering mountains covered in dense green trees. The sight was strangely alien to him.
It was strange to look at something new. He had never thought he would see anything beyond the walls of his cell or the brief glimpses of Priestella.
They had always locked him in a tight, windowless room, so he had never really known any other view.
He had tried everything to leave that cell. He explained that his name had been eaten, pleaded ignorance, told them the truth, lied through his teeth, played along as the Sin Archbishop of Pride, and acted completely clueless.
No matter what he said, it never mattered. All he received in return was the look of disgust and hatred, followed by endless torture.
He had tried to escape before they could find him, but Beatrice would always track him down. No matter how fast he broke their contract, she and Emilia would eventually catch him.
In the end, funnily enough, the only way to lower their security had been to do absolutely nothing at all.
All that pain and suffering could have been avoided much sooner if he had simply done nothing… Subaru didn’t know what to think about that. It was ironic. In the beginning, he had believed that if he just tried hard enough, he could convince them, at least convince his “precious Emilia-tan and Beako.” Surely they would listen.
Something inside him broke when they didn’t. No matter how many times he tried to convince them, all he received in return was that same look.
The look of hatred.
The look of disgust.
But he still held onto hope.
Reinhard.
Reinhard was his friend and a hero. Surely he would give him a chance. He could tell if Subaru was lying, couldn’t he?
When his words were confirmed true, Subaru felt his hope ignite again. Finally, he could be free and things could go back to the way they used to be.
But that hope died like fire on the coldest night.
Even when his words were proven true, they denied him and accused him of using his Authority to tamper with the divine protection. He could tell that Reinhard somehow doubted them...
But even then, Reinhard chose them and believed in them over Subaru. He could see the look of pity in his eyes. Subaru hated that look.
Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me with those eyes. How dare you! HOW DARE YOU FEEL SAD FOR ME! I lost everything—everything! Do you know what I feel? Do you know what I’m going through? No, you don’t …What am I supposed to do? You won’t believe me, you won’t let me leave! All I can do is rot in this cell. If you feel sad, do something, damn it! Aren’t you supposed to be a hero? Save me, Reinhard! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He didn’t save him. In the end, Subaru was left alone. Completely alone. The torture hurt… more than any of his deaths, but what hurt far more was the looks of disgust and hatred from the people who once looked at him with affection and love, his friends, his love, and his closest companion.
What was Natsuki Subaru without the people close to him?
He was nothing.
Natsuki Subaru without them was nothing.
But even in that despair, he didn’t lose hope. Not because he was strong or anything. It was something more pathetic. He just couldn’t handle the truth. Admitting that the people he loved would never look at him the same way broke him. He had always been good at denying reality. After all, it was a bad habit of his.
But that Subaru no longer existed. All that was left was him, a husk of a dead man. He no longer cared after being in that hell. Everything else felt insignificant. Emotion. Love. Pride. Envy. Jealousy. Anger. Vengeance. None of it held any meaning anymore.
Those things used to mean something. They used to push him forward, shape who he was, even break him apart. But now? They felt far away. Hollow. Like names carved into stone long after the meaning behind them had faded.
He stood up slowly, the world was grey and colorless. Not because the world had changed, but he had. There was no hatred left. No fear. No warmth either. A hollow clarity stelled in him.
He will never go back to that hell.
Not again.
No matter what.
Whatever it takes…
No matter the cost…
Why?
Because that's what Natsuki Subaru wanted.
A knock on the door broke the silence.
“Hello? Um, Anyone here? I’ve brought breakfast.”
The voice was gentle, but he could sense a bit of hesitation and tension in it. He stood up, the motion unhurried, and walked to the door. The wooden floor creaked faintly beneath his steps.
He opened it.
A young woman stood there, holding a tray. Grey hair framed her face, a few loose strands catching the light. Freckles dotted her cheeks, softening her expression. She smiled but seemed uncertain.
Subaru looked at her.
But in fragments, voice, her shape, her hair nothing else, nothing else registers.
He has lost the ability to perceive people. Names no longer matter. Faces carry no meaning. There is only one filter now, one measure by which he sees the world: their worth to his goal.
“I see. Thank you for bringing it” he spoke, his voice hollow and devoid of warmth.
The woman smiled, undeterred. “It’s no problem. I’m just happy to help! Not many people come to our village, but guess you're a traveling merchant. With your get up”
“Something like that” he replied
The woman’s eyes brightened, eager to fill the awkward silence. “Ahh, sorry! It’s just… it’s just that not many people come through here. Our village is on the far outskirts of Lugunica. Most folks don’t even know it exists—it’s not on any maps!”
That's why he was here
It was the perfect place for his operations close enough, yet secluded enough to stay hidden. Only a few knew about it, including a prisoner who came from here and had shared his life story with him, revealing the village’s existence.
“I’m actually planning on settling here” he said
"Ahh, I see! Don’t worry I know a few homes you can get for just a few gold coins” she replied cheerfully. “Most of the buildings are owned by my father and his friends. He settled here back in his twenties.”
Her smile faded slightly. “He used to be a royal knight, but… something happened. He left the capital after that.”
She looked down for a moment, her voice softening. “Some of his old friends and the soldiers who once served under him decided to follow him here. They built this village together… I guess they were all searching for a fresh start, far away from everything.”
“Follow him, huh? Seems like he had loyal friends,” he said, his voice carrying a hint of interest, though it lacked any deeper emotion.
“Of course,” she replied with pride, her eyes shining. “He’s an honest and kind man. People respect him for that. He never even asked anyone to join him, they followed him on their own.”
Her eyes softened with nostalgia, as though she were drifting through old childhood memories. “I think that’s why this village is so special… It was built by people who just wanted a home. By people they knew. With people they could trust.”
An unreadable expression washes over Subaru. His gaze drifts unfocused and lost in thought,
She watched him for a moment before the realization hit her, she sounded like a merchant desperately trying to sell an overpriced house.
She blushed.
“A-anyway,” she says, forcing a smile “How about I show you around once you’ve finished eating? Getting to know the place before settling in… it’s a good idea, right?”
He looks back at her, his face still blank devoid of any emotion.
“Right” he says flatly
“Alright then, I’ll come back in a little while. I’ve got some work to take care of,” she replied, giving a bright nod. “I’ll be downstairs near the pub.”
She stepped out, gently closing the door behind her.
Subaru’s eyes remained fixed on the door, as if waiting for something... anything. But nothing happens.
The last meals he remembered were from that place: rough chunks of stale bread, sour broth, and mold-speckled scraps tossed onto wooden trays. Prison food, designed to remind him that he was no longer considered human.
But none of that mattered anymore. He couldn’t tell the difference anyway.
He took another bite, slow and deliberate.
Still…
He couldn’t go back.
He wouldn’t go back.
To make sure of that, there could be no loose ends. No history. No one left who could recognize his face, speak his name, or drag him back down.
If he was going to stay free — truly free — then everyone who knew who he was…
Everyone who still remembered him…
Had to die.
No witnesses.
No past.
He was no longer Natsuki Subaru, the Sin Archbishop of Pride.
He was no longer Natsuki Subaru, the knight of Emilia.
He was just Subaru.
A dead man walking, endlessly alive, endlessly enduring.
Existing in a world where he no longer wants to.