Two Sides of The Same Coin

by favmstake

Summary:

This is mainly a story about the Female Builder (Alice) deciding between Fang and Logan. This is a finished worked, which I'll release bit by bit. This is my first attempt at fanfic. I appreciate all of the MTAS stories I've read that inspired me! Chapters with spicy content will have "NSFW" in the summary beforehand. *CHAPTER 10 CONTAINS NON CON ELEMENTS THAT MAY BE UPSETTING*

Chapter 1: At First It Was Fang

Alice had not come to Sandrock looking for love. She assumed the little town with a dwindling population would be a quiet, slow place for her to work on her craft. And while it was, there was also a lot of unexpected drama.

She had become close to the residents here fairly quickly as the need for her services were plentiful. They had welcomed her with open arms.

A couple days a week, she had been visiting the clinic where Dr. Fang and his eccentric raven X conducted medication trials. She figured as a young, healthy person, what harm could it cause? This was for science!

He barely said a word to her when she dropped by. In fact, most of the time he would grunt or nod. Either he had a hard time speaking or he had no interest in speaking to her. This was the exact opposite of almost everyone else in town. Sure, Director Qi was self involved and rarely talked about anything she was interested in. But at least he could exchange pleasantries.

Still, despite the wall that Dr. Fang intentionally built around him, Alice was intrigued. He had an aura about him, almost a glow. And no one could deny his stunning good looks. Gray eyes and long, beautiful hair. His use of herbs and natural remedies is probably why no one knew how old he was. When he did make eye contact with her, she would sometimes blush. His gaze was intense, piercing. She felt like he could see right through her and that he had determined she wasn’t anything particularly special and certainly not worth getting to know.

It was strange that he had settled in Sandrock to begin with. No one really knew anything about him or where he was from. It seems he was running away from something. Or rather, someone. She was not close enough to him to ask, but instinctively she wanted to protect him. To wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be OK, that she would never let anyone lay one finger on him.

One morning, X was at the door cawing, saying Fang needed help. The bird led her to him, unconscious in the desert. She brought him back to her house where he was able to explain what he needed to recover. She found the ingredients and made the concoction at the clinic. It helped almost instantly. He didn’t waste any time leaving. When she said she could help him, he rebuffed her offer. In many ways, it always felt like he was rejecting her one way or another. He would open up and inch and then slam the door shut. At this point a rational person would have given up, taken the hint.

But Alice’s heart refused. Somewhere, not so deep down inside, her innocent affection had turned into attraction and there was nothing she could do to turn it off.

The next real breakthrough was when she was beckoned to the clinic to help someone understand directions for giving medication to their daughter. The patient’s father was apoplectic, questioning Fang’s ability as a practitioner. Fang struggled to explain things clearly and looked at Alice with a desperate expression. Taking the instructions from the man, she explained exactly what to do.

Fang was relieved, but then realized he could not continue relying on X or her for that matter to speak with his patients. He asked Alice for help. And so they went around town, speaking to various residents, relying on the code word “raven” if he became overwhelmed and needed her intervention. It wasn’t that he couldn’t speak - it’s that he had kept silent for so long after his mother’s death that it was hard to form words.

While he was making progress, it was slow going. X came up with the idea of gifting Fang a book from his childhood. Moved by the gesture, he read it to Alice. She finally had the nerve to ask him to go out. He slept on it and decided it would be good for him. This continued for a while. She was getting to know him better and her attraction grew.

One day, on an impulse, she brought him the red heart knot. The wordless gesture from one person to another to tell them how they felt. And he accepted it. For months, Fang had rejected any attempt she made to give him anything, even something as simple as undead grass. But he nodded curtly and took the knot from her and then went back to whatever it was he was doing.

Perplexed, Alice left and tried to distract herself with work. She pushed herself to exhaustion hoping to turn off the thoughts in her head. She tossed and turned all night. When she awoke, there was a note from Fang in her mailbox, along with the heart knot. He had discovered what it symbolized and sent it back. She felt a pang in her chest. She knew these feelings were not unrequited. He was pushing her away because he was afraid. Of what, she wasn’t sure.

She refused to give up. Running to the clinic, she burst through the door, shoving the knot into his chest. “Stop denying your feelings”! Hoping her outburst would force him to react. Instead he looked at her with a blank expression. “I cannot” he stated, turning away from her.

“You don’t want me, Alice.” he said quietly. “You think you know me, but you don’t.”

A wave of emotions welled up inside of her. Sadness. Anger. Defeat.

“Don’t worry, you won’t see me again…Doctor Fang.” she says, emphasizing his name as she turned to leave.

She ran home and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, X was cawing frantically. "Fang…at the station…you won’t see me again!”

Thinking he was getting on the train to leave, she ran after X. She saw Fang running along side the train as it left the station, his foot caught an uneven board and he fell. She rushed up to him.

“You…you are here.” He said in disbelief. “I thought…you were gone.”

Helping him to his feet, they sat on a bench.

“I am going to tell you everything.”

Fang’s story unfolded like a twisted fairytale, evil stepmother and all. Alice listened intently, understanding the gravity of his words.

When he finished he finally looked at her ‘This is why we cannot be together. Everyone I love leaves. You will leave.”

She shook her head and went to grab his hand. He pulled it away “Goodbye, Alice”

He stood and started walking away. Alice jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around his waist.

He stopped, removing her hands and taking a few steps forward.

“You are never going to give up, are you? I cannot deny these feelings anymore. I will not deny them. I could lose you now or lose you in the future, so what does it matter… I love you, Alice.”

He turned around and embraced her. She sunk into his arms, happy, wistful tears spilling from her eyes. “I love you, Fang.”

***

It all hit her the morning after their engagement. Fang sent her a sweet message, along with a beautiful outdoor porch swing. At first, his words touched her. She was the one that had brought so much out of him and introduced him to new experiences. She was truly his first.

His first.

Alice paled. In her long pursuit of Fang and their quick engagement, it had not occurred to her that he might be a virgin. They had shared plenty of tender moments, but not a bone in his body would objectify her. The last thing she wanted to do was come on too strong. She didn’t want to make him feel self conscious.

But their wedding was in three months. Should she talk to him? That would make the most sense. Then again, how would she broach the subject? This wouldn’t be a huge deal if Alice didn’t have a libido. But that simply wasn’t the case. In fact, before Fang had uttered an entire sentence to her, she had been hooking up with Pen. And Ernest. Both seemed separated enough from Sandrock that she felt she could have a no strings attached sort of thing.

Pen was as she expected, selfish, aggressive and rough. There was nothing romantic about their interactions and that was fine with her.

Ernest was different. Come to think of it, they only had sex a handful of times. She would show up to his apartment a bit tipsy from a night at Blue Moon. He would let her in, pour her a glass of wine and go back to writing up an article or working on his book. Too tired to walk home, she would pass out in his bed where he sometimes didn’t join her until well into the night. To sleep. But she liked the companionship. The curious touch of a man, albeit a young and snobby writer from Atara, but still, he afforded her tenderness and most importantly, an outlet when she needed physical touch.

Both of these situations ended without fanfare as soon as she started making inroads with Fang and there was no reason to ever bring it up to him. Ever.

This meant that it had been a long time since she’d been intimate with someone. Fang was complicated and sensitive. In a way, she didn’t even have to suppress her urges because her mind was too occupied with creating a loving and safe environment. And he didn’t shy away from her. In fact, in some ways, their connection was almost sacred - beyond surface attraction, a meeting of souls.

There were a few times when she had wished he would take things further. One evening they sat on her porch swing, watching the sunset in silence. She was leaning against him, head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

“Alice?” he said softly.

“Yes?” She looked up at him.

“I love you.” he replied, looking into her eyes.

She leaned in to kiss him and he embraced her. The kisses started to last longer, now with open mouths. He held her tighter. Then he started kissing her cheek and then down to her neck. Her heart was racing at the perceived desire. She moaned softly. He let his hand rest just above her breast. The top button of her shirt had already been undone, so he lowered his face, kissing her clavicle. He started to undo another button. Then whispered in her ear, “You are perfect. You are my everything.”

She went limp in his arms, but he interpreted the movement as disengagement. He kissed her forehead and they went back to their silent rocking back and forth as the sky went dark.

The moment had passed.

***

Chapter 2: And Then There Was Logan

Summary:

This chapter is dedicated to setting up Logan's appearance. I promise Chapter 3 will be steamy.

Two days after Fang’s mail, Alice’s world was turned upside down along with the entire town‘s. All because of Logan, the one everyone had been talking about since she first arrived in Sandrock. Whether she admitted it or not, she had always been curious about the face on all of the wanted posters. What was behind those eyes? She would soon find out.

A wild goose chase to find his hideout led her to it, alone.

It was then she found out the truth.

Once everything had been uncovered and out in the open, the water siphoning, Miguel, Pen, Yan and finally Matilda, everyone still reeling from each new revelation, Duvos attacked. Even though they had knowledge of the eventual infiltration, they hardly had the means to defend themselves against one of the most heavily armed cities in the world. Their only saving grace was the air canon Qi had drawn up and the fact that we all knew every inch of the town.

Logan and Haru had elected to stay in their hideout on the edge of the desert until their trial. But the town needed every able bodied person. Haru volunteered to ride to Atara for assistance. In the midst of all of the preparation, no one had gone out to fetch Logan.

It was too late. Duvos rounded everyone up. Alice was freed, but only to do her captor’s bidding, She was allowed to work at home, but under supervision. One day her overseer got distracted and ran off to investigate something. Logan appeared on her doorstep.

“Let’s go, we have to save Sandrock.”

And they did, against all odds and with a little bit of luck, they were able to get the Duvos army to surrender. The Alliance came and took them to Atara to await their trial. Everyone learned the reason they had been there was not to steal water, but to dig up a valuable relic in the desert that was destroyed in a final confrontation in the ruins.

***

Things were finally settling down. Logan and Haru only had to serve five days in jail. Logan decided to move back into his family home to give Andy a safe place to live and grow up. Since Alice was now an honorary member of the Civil Corps, she worked alongside him due to his former occupation of monster killer. But she could hold her own.

Fang was so against harming any living thing, he would ask her to fish for him because he couldn’t bring himself to let one die just to extract much needed medicinal ingredients.

Logan, on the other hand, could not be more different. His eyes looked like they were on fire when he killed something. Sometimes he would even laugh. Bloodshed was like a sport to him. It would be frightening if it hadn’t turned her on. He threw himself into every dangerous situation with confidence. It wasn’t brazen self importance, but blind passion and perhaps rage. This is all he knew how to do and he was going to put everything into it. He felt it was his duty. He felt it made his dead father proud.

He kept his distance from her in these fights, but she knew he was watching her. He had her back and even when things got intense, she never doubted they wouldn’t escape with their lives.

Logan heard a rumor that someone was impersonating him and scaring away tourists in one of the ruins. Alice wasn’t entirely sure why he had asked her to check it out with him, but her curiosity won out. Fang tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted this was just a reconnaissance mission and nothing more.

It started out that way. She and Logan stumbled upon the offenders fairly quickly and were near tears at the sight of Logan, who was alive and kicking. After running off, they heard a loud roar from somewhere deeper in the cave. They decided they would try to lure it out so it couldn’t hurt anyone.

When they reached a dead end, Alice tripped over something. Suddenly Logan pushed her out of the way and then fell to the ground, clutching his arm. She had set off a booby trap and now an arrow was sticking out of his shoulder.

Without warning, a giant sandworm burst through the ground , screeching. Logan pulled the arrow out, “She’s out for blood. We have to take care of her.”

A frenzied battle ensued. Alice caught a glimpse of him looking unbalanced and shaky, swinging his blade wildly, hacking at the air. In the end, they killed the sandworm. Logan tried walking to her, but collapsed.

She managed to drag him out of the cave and on to a Yak cart. She ran to the clinic and Fang at first thought she was hurt. They rushed to Logan’s house where Fang treated him, leaving the medicine with Alice and saying he needed to head back. She nodded and watched him leave.

Logan stirred “Where am I…wait, I remember now, the ruins…Alice, did you bring me home?”

She nodded and handed him the medicine.

“Will you come back tomorrow? I may need some help…” he was searching her eyes.

Alice looked down, “Yes, of course I will.”

“Good…I’ll be waiting for you.”

She couldn’t be certain, but something in his voice made it seem like he REALLY needed her, needed to see her.

The thought made her heart beat faster.

“No. I’m engaged to Fang. I love him.” She repeated this in her head as she walked home.

Fang got home later than usual, looking exhausted. He inquired about Logan and she told him she would check in on him tomorrow.

Fang replied “Good.” without hesitation.

She felt guilty even though she hadn’t done anything.

She couldn’t sleep that night. What would happen when she went to his house? Would she be able to contain herself? Would he know how much she wanted him? How could she even entertain these thoughts lying next to the man who has devoted his life to her? How could she risk losing him, worse, hurting him, betraying him. This kind of thing would break him completely. He would never let anyone get close to him again. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to see Fang’s beautiful face crumbling.

Fang was gone when she woke up. She was relieved. She wished she didn’t care about how she should dress for her visit to Logan’s. In the end, she decided on a short sleeve denim button down and form fitting black jeans. She chose a simple pair of amber earrings and low cut, black leather boots. Normally she wore her hair up, but today she left it down. She dabbed a bit of her favorite perfume behind her ears. Light, did it look like she was trying too hard? She took the earrings out. Why was she so nervous?

Gently rapping on the door, she heard Logan on the other side, “Come on in, it’s open!”

As she entered, he was sitting in a chair facing the door. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his shoulder was bandaged up. She tried not to gawk at the sight. She had never seen him without a shirt on and felt herself breathing harder. He had a broad, muscular chest bookended by equally muscular shoulders. She could see the faint outline of his abs rising and falling and noticed even his forearms were defined.

“You came.” he smiled. “Hey, I need to put this medicine on my back and can’t reach. Could you help me?”

Without saying a word, she walked over, taking it out of his hand and lightly rubbing it over the spot he was pointing at.

As she started to stand up, he grabbed her arm.

“Don’t. Go.” He rasped as he pulled her in, planting his lips onto hers. It wasn’t soft, but it wasn’t aggressive either. Her eyes widened at the contact and before she could fully react he let go, a look of regret crossed his face.

“I’m…I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking about doing that for the longest time. And I meant it. I can’t get you out of my mind.”

She stood in silence, bewildered.

“Alice, I like you. I want to be with you.” He stood up and towered over her. She could feel the heat radiating from his body.

It was all happening so fast. Her blood was pumping hard, face flushed, trying to steady her breathing and ground herself.

“Logan…you must know I’m engaged to Fang?” She said quietly, looking into his eyes.

He gazed back. “I…knew you two were close, but I didn’t know it was that serious.” He sighed and sat back down.

“Just tell me one thing…if you weren’t with Fang, would you be with me?” He asked, still looking at her.

“How can you ask me that?” she responded. “I AM with Fang…I love him.”

He looked down and grimaced as if she’d struck him.

The silence was suffocating. She wanted to lunge at him. She wanted to feel his lips on hers again. At the same time, she wished she could disappear into thin air.

“Look, I know I should just let this go. But I can’t. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I’ve lost the people I loved most in this world and I just can’t let you walk out of my life without putting it all on the line.”

She realized she had been holding her breath.

If she stayed any longer there would be no turning back. So she whirled around and ran out the door.

***

Not wanting to go home, Alice decided to take a walk near Gecko station. She roamed slowly, picking up rose stones only to discard them a few feet later. Her breath had finally evened out and her brain could form coherent thoughts.

What did she even know about Logan? Was her attraction purely physical?

That seemed shallow considering what she did know of him was all positive. His tender side was barely below the surface of the monster slaying yakboy. He clearly cared for Andy and yearned for a family.

His admission had really taken her a back though. It was sincere and that was terrifying. For some reason it also made her heart ache.

Her thoughts drifted to Fang. Sweet, innocent Fang. The man she promised to marry. The man she had basically begged to be with her.

He made her happy. Truly happy. His kindness was unmatched. He did everything with her in mind, devoting his life to her.

And yet.

If she was so certain of their relationship, how could she even consider being with Logan? Was she just a bad person?

Logan. Thoughts of his jawline and piercing eyes, his muscular body. The way he demanded your attention without saying a word. The memory of him pulling her in for that kiss had taken over and her insides started to stir.

No. NO. She became angry at the position he had put her in. Why couldn’t he have kept that to himself and moved on? Is it because he knows there’s something there? Has he picked up on the way she looks at him for a little too long? How she seems to purposely put distance between them as if he might set her on fire if he got too close. Does he wonder how she could be with someone like Fang who wouldn’t kill a fly, when she has no problem hacking her way through the hazardous ruins without a second thought?

Would she be doubting her relationship with Fang if this hadn’t happened?

Then she remembered Fang’s letter. Yes, she was extremely attracted to him. At the same time, that attraction was often snuffed out by the overwhelming self awareness that coming on too strong might push him away or make him feel inadequate. Not to mention, the fact that he hadn’t ever initiated anything beyond kissing and over the clothes touching made her feel that he prioritized his apprehension over her needs.

This wasn’t fair of her. She had never brought this up to him, never let on that something was wrong.

She headed home hoping he’d be there.

Chapter 3: Another Side of Fang

Summary:

Finally, a steamy chapter about the Builder and Fang. *NSFW*

It was much later than she realized. She hadn’t even noticed the sun had set hours ago. When she walked into the house, Fang leapt up from his seat and ran to her.

“Are you alright?” He asked in a panicked tone.

“Yes…I’m sorry, I lost track of time. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She was sincerely sorry.

“I am just glad you are not hurt.” He relaxed and took her hand. “Is something wrong?”

He had just given her the opportunity to spill everything. Well, not the part about Logan.

“Fang…” She started. “There’s something that I’ve kept to myself and am realizing that was a mistake.”

He listened intently.

“But your letter has shown me that I need to say what’s on my mind.”

“I love you with all of my heart. I feel privileged to have introduced you to so many things. To be your first…”

He looked on, face unchanged.

“Would I be your first…lover?” She asked in a quiet voice.

He sighed, but held her gaze.

“Yes.” he replied.

She let his answer sink in. She didn’t think his confirmation would feel like a punch to the gut. Maybe a part of her didn’t want to be right.

“Does that make you uncomfortable?”

His voice cut through the silence.

“I don’t think it’s that specifically. It has less to do with being your first and more to do with knowing how important the physical aspect of a relationship is to me and worrying that once we’re married there may be…incompatibility.”

He nodded in understanding.

“That is not something I had considered.” He remarked, looking past her.

She didn’t know what to say next.

Fang put his hand out for her to take, then led her to the bedroom. Her heart started to race. But she stayed quiet.

He stopped at the edge of the bed and turned to her. Without saying a word he started to undress her. For some reason, it made her blush. She realized they had never seen one another naked.

His touch was soft, but deliberate. Once she was down to her bra and panties, Fang stopped and looked at her, his eyes seeming to ask if he could continue.

She gave him a slight nod. He wrapped his arms around her and unclasped the bra, bringing his face close enough to brush hers. Then he knelt down and slowly pulled her panties off. He took her hand so she could step out of them and motioned for her to lie down.

Then he started to undress. She watched him carefully untie the sash that kept his robe-like tunic closed, almost like an obi and kimono. Bare chested, he undid the button of his pants. She had no idea if he was wearing anything underneath, but the next thing she saw was his erection. Heat rose into her cheeks and between her legs. He never took his eyes off hers.

He laid next to her on her side so their bodies were touching.

“Tell me what you want, Alice.” He said softly.

Looking up at him, she hesitated and then replied, “I want to feel how much you desire me.”

His expression changed.

“I used to think my desire was simply a release. What humans feel in order to fulfill our biological ability to reproduce. I did not associate anyone with that release. Until I met you.”

Fang’s hands roamed Alice’s body, delicately gliding over every inch.

“At night, I would open the windows and think about how you were just down the road. I wondered if you were also awake and what you were doing. I would close my eyes and imagine you were with me, just like you are now.”

Fang pressed his body to hers, fully aroused. His voice was soothing, hypnotic. His hands were soft, his fingers drawing lines and loops on her bare skin.

“I tried to picture the expression on your face,” He dragged his thumb across her lower lip “And thought about all of the things our bodies could do.”

If Alice were standing, she would be weak in the knees. Instead, lying beneath Fang, she felt like she might pass out from the erotic images emerging from his words.

“My view of pleasure has changed. I want to make you feel things you have never felt before, just as you will be doing for me.”

“Turn over.”

Alice rolled onto her stomach.

His hand slipped gently between her legs from behind, which trembled with anticipation.

“Let me touch you.” He whispered in her ear.

Alice relaxed her thighs and spread her legs open, just enough for him to bring his fingers to the entrance of her center.

He slowly pushed them in and watched her body react.

The motion of his fingers was speeding up in rhythm. Now they were both lying on their sides, him facing her. He explored her breasts and nipples.

Alice was dizzy from the blissful feeling of her most sensitive areas being fondled and caressed.

She brought her hand behind her to his erection, wrapping it around and gliding it up and down.

He closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of her skillful grip.

He took her wrist and lightly pulled it away from him. Then he moved down further, his mouth lingering near her center. She felt his warm breath. He kissed and sucked her folds, using his tongue to run up and down the middle. It felt like three tongues at once.

Breathing harder, her hips lifting to meet his mouth, her orgasm started to build.

When she finally came, she saw stars. He moved back up, brushing her hair to the side to kiss her neck.

She laid there still on her stomach, catching her breath and felt his fingers tracing her spine. His hand squeezed her backside, firmly. She raised her hips almost involuntarily.

“Can I be one with you?” he asked quietly.

She managed a breathy “Yes.”

He laid on top of her. While kissing the back of her neck, she felt him enter her slowly. Pushing all the way in effortlessly, sinking into her velvety inside. Her sensitive walls clenched around him with each movement.

“Alice…” his exhalation quivering.

She moved in sync with him, as he plunged as deep as he could with each thrust.

She heard his breath start to quicken and sensed his urgency as his movements became more frequent with less restraint. She pushed back against him while touching herself again.

They came at the same time. She let out a whimpering yelp and he groaned from the release.

He rolled off and pulled her in so they were spooning. He nuzzled his face into the back of her neck and they fell asleep, him never fully letting go.

***

A week had passed since the Logan incident and it was as though it never happened. She hadn’t crossed paths with him and found out he had agreed to a commission near Tallsky. She could confidently say she didn’t feel anything about his absence.

This was probably because she and Fang had been intimate every night and their connection was stronger than ever. He no longer held back, groping her subtly when she visited him at the clinic and teasing her by hugging her and then nibbling on her ear.

All doubts erased, wedding planning was in full gear.

***

Chapter 4: Ruined in The Ruins

Summary:

Alice thought she had gotten Logan off her mind. Unfortunately, fate had other plans... *NSFW*

It was Monday and Mort asked Fang to help him with some larger projects around the house, even though he usually went there on the weekend.

Alice was behind on several commissions and realized her supplies were running low.

The Starship ruins were a pain in the ass to get to, but also had almost everything she needed. She took off after breakfast and made her way over.

She traveled down, layer by layer making sure not to miss anything the scanner picked up.

On the other side of the cave was the actual Starship that had not been rid of monsters. She’d been over there before, but because there was no actual mining, it would be a waste of time to check it out today.

As she neared the bottom of the cave, she came across a wall of rocks she hadn’t noticed before. Swinging her pick axe a few times, it crumbled easily. As the dust dissipated, she realized she had opened a hole into the Starship.

“Fuck” she mumbled. Would it be better to seal this up or go in and kill whatever she came across? It was late afternoon, so there was plenty of time to be sidetracked. Besides, it wasn’t as though there weren’t valuable items on the other side.

The only problem was she hadn’t brought along her best weapons or proper medicine. She could hear Fang scolding her. But she wasn’t defenseless. She had a pair of iron daggers and a few of Fang’s elixirs tucked away in her waistpack.

Plus, she knew what she was up against and felt confident she could manage.

Climbing through the hole, she scanned the halls for movement. Nothing.

The Starship was a giant orb with circular floors, so it was impossible to get lost. Which was good, because Alice was terrible at directions and always forgot to bring her compass.

She made her way around, doing one lap. It was eerily quiet, but that wasn’t a bad thing in her mind. Taking the elevator down to the next level, she put up her defenses again. Still, nothing.

As she stepped off the platform, she heard the sound of creaking metal above her. A section of the guardrail was hanging off the side threatening to fall.

Darting out of the way, her foot caught something sticking out of the floor and she fell face first. Dazed, she squinted her eyes to check her surroundings. Suddenly she heard the hiss of a punished tripion dangerously close by.

Struggling to unzip her waist pack, she tried standing up.

The pop of a gun rang out and the tripion screeched.

Alice whipped her head around to find Logan feet away, a worried expression on his face.

Without saying a word, he ran over, picked her up and darted into the partially open door of a utility closet.

Putting a finger over his lips, Logan nodded towards the outside. Alice peered through the crack and saw a colony of tripions, at least fifty of them. Trying not to gasp, she clamped her mouth with both hands and looked away.

Both she and Logan knew they would eventually leave to search for food, but there was no telling when.

***

The utility closet was small, certainly not big enough for two adults to move about freely.

Logan reached up to push Alice’s hair out of her face. Her first reaction was to jerk out of the way, but when she went to touch her forehead she felt a large lump and dried blood.

She mouthed “I’m OK.” and he gave her a nod, lowering his hand.

She could tell he was trying not to look at her, which was irritating her for some reason.

After a while, Logan removed his hat and desert cape. He sat down, knees bent and leaned back on the wall.

Alice became aware of how stuffy the closet was and wished she could strip down to her underwear. That was obviously out of the question, so she silently assessed what she could remove without baring too much skin.

Logan’s eyes were closed and she watched his breathing slow, his hand still gripping his gun.

His eyes fluttered open and his body tensed. He looked through the door and she quickly looked away.

She wasn’t wearing a ton of layers to begin with, but she was still in a long sleeve shirt and pants to protect her skin from scrapes. She slipped off her shoes and socks, rolled up her pants and unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

She caught Logan looking at her and blushed. Not wanting him to see her reaction, she looked down so her hair would hang down over her face.

She was starting to feel sleepy, but there was nothing to rest her head on. Even leaning up against the wall was not enough to keep her head up when she would nod off.

Logan crawled towards her. He grabbed her ankles and pulled her away from the wall. Her eyes widened from the movement and then he was sitting behind her, legs open. He pulled her back in gently and took her by the shoulders to lean on him.

She froze. All of his movements were intentional with no attempt to touch her more than necessary. He communicated without saying a word that she could fall asleep on him.

Too tired to protest and not wanting to make too much noise, her body relaxed. Unable to stop her eyes from closing, the room faded into black.

***

She woke up to the sound of Logan gently snoring with no idea how much time had passed. Then she felt something in her lower back. He had an erection. He groaned, still asleep and raised his hips, almost lifting her off the ground.

She wanted to wake him up but didn’t want to risk startling him. But she wasn’t going to be able to stay in this position much longer as she felt heat building below her waist.

“No” she thought, “How could this have happened? Why?”

As she tried to come up with a plan, she heard him utter “Alice.”

“Was he awake?” She couldn’t tell. Holding her breath she strained her ears to see if his breathing had changed.

Then she felt his hand brushing her hair to the side. The hairs on her neck stood on end at the feeling of his fingers caressing her. She closed her eyes.

She felt his breath and then his lips grazed her skin giving her goosebumps.

Her hips, seeming to move on their own, pushed back into him.

Logan let out a soft moan.

He put his arms around her and started to unbutton her shirt. The air hit her chest and she felt wet between her legs..

“Oh god. I’m…I’m not going to stop him, am I?”

She rubbed up against him and he let out another low moan.

When the last button came undone, while still kissing her neck, his hand slipped underneath the top of her bra. It was warm and soft and her nipple hardened against his palm. Pulling the shirt down, he kissed her shoulders.

She felt him unclasp her bra and then both hands lifted it up from underneath, cupping her breasts.

She leaned back against him and put her arms around his neck. He slid his hands down her underarms and gently pinched her nipples. Now it was her turn to moan.

He undid the button of her pants and slid his hand down them, underneath the waistband of her panties. His fingers glided over her slippery folds, his other hand still playing with her breasts.

He was breathing hard next to her ear and every time she heard a stifled groan from her body reacting, she became even more turned on.

Her inner voice had long stopped protesting and was now trying to keep her from losing control.

But when he slipped his finger inside of her, her lower body started to spastically buck. With the next push, she felt two fingers this time, their movement deep and swift.

She felt electricity building and her body seemed to vibrate. Pushed over the edge, she orgasmed, releasing the muscles of her walls and felt the sensation of liquid spurting out.

A moment later, Logan was trying to tug her pants completely off, lifting her at the waist and pulling them down. She finished the job, kicking and pushing them down over her feet. While she was doing that, he managed to undo his pants and got them low enough to pull his erection out.

He turned her around so she was sitting on top of him, now face to face. She was glistening with sweat and her panting had not entirely died down. He looked into her eyes like he was trying to see what was behind them. She stared back mesmerized by his blue hued, ice like orbs.

Lifting her by her backside, he lowered her down on top of his throbbing hard on and she let out a surprised filled moan. It filled her completely, thick and smooth, hitting the back of her center with each bounce induced thrust of his hips.

He looked at her with wild eyes, taking in the sight of her perfect breasts moving up and down right in front of his face. He squeezed her rear end harder for a better grip, pumping in and out.

She threw her head back and he kissed the spot in between her breasts. Unable to make things last longer, he erupted inside of her, letting out one last, long, excruciating groan.

He leaned forward, laying his head on her chest and she wrapped her arms around his neck as they both tried to catch their breath.

Suddenly there was a loud hiss. Logan picked her up and practically threw her to the side. Grabbing his gun out its holster he pointed it at the tripion whose head was poking through the crack of the door. Flying back from the impact, Logan looked out beyond it to see that it was the only one.

“Get your clothes on. Now’s our chance to get outta here.”

Scrambling as fast as she could, Alice barely had her second shoe all the way on when Logan grabbed her hand and pulled her out.

Not letting go, they ran towards the elevator. As soon as it jerked to a stop, they both knew exactly where the exit was. Without hesitation they bolted for the hatch, pushed it open, stumbled on to the sand, and into the night.

Chapter 5: Time To Face The Music

Summary:

Alice heads home after her encounter with Logan in the ruins. Will she tell Fang the truth?

Fang was still awake when she got home. The same look of concern written all over his face just like last week. This time she really was hurt, as evident by the huge bruise on her face.

He rushed at her, hugging her tightly. She wanted to cry. His embrace, while strong, was also tender, comforting. He was her anchor, her home.

Tears started streaming down her face as she recalled what had happened in the ruins. She pulled away when the thought of Fang being able to smell her actions entered her mind.

“Did I hurt you? We should go to the Clinic.” He urged. She silently shook her head and walked to the kitchen, suddenly aware of how dehydrated she was. Realizing what she was trying to do, Fang directed her gently to sit on the couch and brought her a glass of water.

“My Swan…” his voice trailed off. She could barely look at him, the guilt and shame crushing her insides. He got up and turned away. Panicked, she leapt up and grabbed his hand. Startled, he turned back “It is alright, I’m just going to get things to dress your wound.”

Relief washed over her face and she sunk back into the couch.

It felt like he was gone for eternity and when he entered the room he was empty handed. Frowning and about to say something, Fang said “I drew you a bath. Once you’re done, I will take care of your injury.”

Tears welling up again, she let him take her hand and lead her to the bathroom. The walls were damp from the steam and it smelled like lavender. She inhaled deeply, her eyes fluttering as peace washed over her.

Then she felt a hand unbuttoning her shirt. She gasped and pushed it away.

Fang looked at her, like a puppy being struck for no reason.

“I’m so sorry…I’m just on edge right now.” It was partially true.

His face relaxed “I understand. I’ll leave you.” Then he disappeared, closing the door behind him.

***

Alice slunk down into the hot bath. She felt like her head might actually explode.

How could she live with herself? This was beyond betrayal. To do something so heartless to someone who loved you unconditionally.

She tried to not think about what just happened. But that was impossible.

Logan’s hands all over her. Looking into his eyes as he used her for pleasure. Feeling his strength and protection was making her want to cling to him.

This man knows what he wants. He wants her.

***
Alice went to the bedroom to put on her pajamas.

She found Fang in the living room, two cups of tea sitting on the table in front of him.

He turned at the sound of her footsteps.

“You look…calmer.” He noted softly.

She joined him on the couch and he drew her in. His embrace like a warm, familiar blanket.

“You seem lost in thought. Do you want to talk about it?”

She didn’t answer right away.

Without looking at him, she started to tell him about what happened in the ruins.

“I ended up inside of the Starship when I went mining today. When I went to the lower level, I fell.” She gestured towards her forehead.

“There was a tripion nearby and I was trying to get my dagger out of my waistbag. Then I heard a gun go off and saw the tripion flip backwards. Logan had been there and found me. Probably saved me.”

She sat up to look him in the eyes.

“Fang. The other day when I went to help Logan with his medicine, he…”

“He has feelings for you?” Fang interjected.

Eyes widening, her mouth becoming slack jawed.

“It is obvious from the way he looks at you.” He stated plainly, as if everyone knew how Logan felt.

She bit her lower lip.

“Alice, do you have feelings for Logan?” His face hadn’t changed, which was unnerving her.

She looked away, down at her hands resting in her lap. Tears started forming and she couldn’t stop them.

They sat like this for a moment, her silently crying, him looking at her, patiently waiting for her response, but also not consoling her.

“I don’t know…” She started. “I know that I am physically attracted to him and I don’t know if I’m misinterpreting that as interest or something more surface level.”

“Did something happen in the ruins today?” He asked in the same unwavering voice.

“...Yes.” She whispered, still looking down.

“Alice?”

She looked up at him.

“I have to go to Seesai.” He replied.

She frowned.

“Why on Earth would you go to Seesai?” she asked, confused by his announcement.

“I received a letter from someone who works for my father. Apparently he’s been looking for me since I finished school. The letter said he has been diagnosed with a heart condition that none of their doctors know how to cure. From what they described, it sounds like he has the same thing my mother died of.”

The mention of his mother changed his expression, pain visible in his body language.

“I must go. While I have no interest in saving his life, this is my first real patient who I can try my clinical trials on. I swore I would find the cure for my mother’s illness, and it seems fate has provided me the best chance at that.”

“When?” she asked.

“I leave tomorrow morning.”

She wanted to reach for him, but she could sense he didn’t want that. It felt like she was drowning.

“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. As long as it takes. X will go with me.”

It’s at this point Alice realized he had not asked her to come with him. Had he been planning on it and now with this information he changed his mind?

“While I am away, you can decide our fate.” He said softly. “I am breaking off our engagement, so you can be free to do what you need to in order to make a decision. I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life. But I am not the only one involved.”

She looked down and sobbed. He put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry, Fang. I’m so sorry.” She wept.

She wished he would hold her like this forever. But after a few moments, he got up.

“I need to finish packing.”

Chapter 6: Goodbye and Hello

Summary:

Fang heads to Seesai, leaving Alice to figure out what she wants. *NSFW*

Alice saw Fang and X off in the morning. They stood awkwardly on the train platform, only exchanging a few words.

“I will write to you.” He said, holding her hand.

She started to cry. “You will?” she asked.

“You can write to me too. If you want.” He nodded.

Something felt like it was collapsing inside of her chest. How could she have done this? Why didn’t she stop it? Why didn’t she resist?

The sound of the train whistle brought her back to the present. She threw her arms around his neck. “Fang, I love you.”

He hesitated, but then put his arms around her waist and hugged her tightly. “I love you, Alice.”

He let go before her, picking up his bag. He walked on to the train and didn’t look back.

***
The house felt incredibly empty. Even though Fang had only recently moved in, it was like he had always lived there. His absence was palpable.

Her legs felt weighted down. She glanced in the mirror at her red, puffy face. The bump on her forehead had turned a deep purple hue.

There was a knock at the door.

She was tempted not to answer. She had no interest in seeing anyone right now, perhaps for the rest of her life.

“Who is it?” she called out.

“It’s Logan.”

A mixture of happiness, nervousness and fear flooded her body.

He was probably the last person she wanted to see right now. Or maybe he was the first? Both felt wrong.

She slowly opened the door.

“I wanted to come by to see how you were doing.”

She lowered her eyes and saw a mountain rose in his hand. Why did this gesture make her feel worse?

“Now isn’t a great time” She said, unable to look at him.

He stepped forward and lifted her chin. She gazed into his worried eyes.

“Are you in pain, darlin?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

“Yes…” she whispered. “But not the kind of pain you think I’m in.” She finished saying in her head.

He pulled her into a hug.

“Where’s that doctor of yours?”

The mention of Fang made her breakdown. She thought she might throw up.

“Should I take you to the clinic?” he asked with increasing worry.

“He’s gone.” she said.

“Gone? What do you mean?” Logan was perplexed.

“He needed to go to Seesai. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back.” She replied. “He knows about us.”

Logan pulled back and looked down at her, his expression hard to read..

“I came by to see if you were alright, but also to talk about what happened.” He said softly.

She opened the door widely and walked into the house. He followed, shutting it behind him.

When he turned around, Alice rushed at him, arms around his neck, she pulled him down and kissed him hard.

He put his arms around her waist, kissing her back with the same force. She pulled at his shirt, which he took off, along with his pants.

She stripped down and they came together again. He kissed her face gently, holding it with both hands.

Her breath became uneven and a rush of desire washed over. She could feel his erection pressing into her lower belly. She pulled him down onto the large animal skin rug. He laid on top of her, kissing every part of her body, moving down until she felt his hot breath in between her legs.

He pulled them apart and kissed her inner thighs. Then her throbbing folds, already wet. Holding her thighs, he circled his tongue around her clit. She moaned loudly, the sensation making her hips rise. About to climax, he stopped, crawled up, took a hold of himself and entered her.

Without much resistance, the walls of her center welcomed the feeling of being filled up.

Logan moaned at the lubricated grip. He thrust deeper and harder, looking into Alice’s eyes the whole time. He watched her face twitch, her lips parting, eyes looking back at him with an almost pleading look in them.

He grabbed her hands, then held her arms over her head by the wrists. As he continued to pump vigorously, he sucked her neck and nipples. Their hips moving in sync, pushing towards one another.

Alice no longer had a single thought in her head, instead only aware of her body and the way it reacted to his. The way he took control with force but not aggression made her want him even more. His need for her was plain to see, to feel.

With one last plunge, Logan’s body tensed. His moan mixed with relief and borderline pain.

He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily, head on her chest.

She ran her hand through his hair, stroking it gently.

Suddenly she was overcome with guilt, a flash of Fang’s emotionless face appeared.

“Logan…” she gasped between sobs.

Looking up at her, he saw the tears streaming down her face.

He rolled off and pulled her in.

“Shhhh, everything’s gonna be alright.” He whispered, stroking her hair.

Chapter 7: It's A Small Town After All

Summary:

Alice needs time alone to think all of this through. That's easier said than done in Sandrock.

Alice jolted awake. Trying to get her bearings, she looked around. She was lying on the rug in her living room, a blanket now covering her lower half. It was light out, but definitely no longer morning.

Logan came around the corner, naked.

“Hello sleepyhead.” he said with a gentle smile.

She shook her head. It wasn’t a dream?

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Hmm…about 3:30.” He answered, lowering down next to her on the rug.

“Can I get you anything?”

She looked at him. “That’s what I should be asking you. This is my house after all.”

His smile deepened at her snide remark. He grabbed her and she turned slightly so that when they were lying down, he was spooning her.

“I remember this view.” he whispered.

Alice thought back to the utility closet. The feel of Logan’s lips on the nape of her neck while he caressed and squeezed her breasts. But then she remembered what happened right before she fell asleep. Thoughts of Fang. The guilt felt like it was choking her.

The whiplash of desire to despair was overwhelming.

Logan felt her body stiffen.

“You OK, darlin'?” He asked quietly.

His breath on her ear, his strong embrace, Alice wondered how she ended up like this. She was not deserving of sympathy. She was a bad person. A terrible person.

“You’re just a human being, Alice. Human beings aren’t perfect.” he said, as if he could read her mind.

She turned to face him “This wasn’t some accident, Logan. I am a human being who understands consequences, who knows that their actions can do real harm. I caused the person I loved most in this world immeasurable pain by doing something incredibly thoughtless and selfish.”

“Loved?”

Alice realized she said it in past tense. Had she meant to?

“Love.” she corrected herself. “I love Fang.” but the way it came out was more like she was reinforcing it, for her sake, not Logan’s.

Her statement hung in the air. He pulled her in closely and she buried her face into his bare chest, listening to his heart thump.

“Let's just take it one day at a time, get to know one another better.” He broke the silence with his suggestion.

She thought back on what Fang had said. She was left behind to figure her shit out. They weren’t engaged anymore. She was the one who had to choose.

The idea of spending the next unknown amount of time with Logan made her feel happy, excited even. But she was also acutely aware that playing house would only make things harder for everyone in the end. Get to know Logan better to see if she preferred him over Fang? Being given that option by Fang was woefully selfless.

She knew how she felt about Logan already. This was not some shallow, meaningless fling. She was in love with him. She knew that now. No amount of extra time together was necessary. If anything, it would only deepen that love. A love she thought she only had for Fang and WOULD only ever have for him.

“I need some time…by myself” She said, though she wasn’t convinced those words were her own or if she believed them.

***

After Logan left, Alice sat at the kitchen table trying to figure what to do with herself. She decided the best thing to do was eat, but there was no food in the house.

If she went to grab a bite at the Blue Moon looking like this, she’d end up having to explain what happened. But the idea of sitting at the bar enjoying something Owen had whipped up convinced her to get out of the house.

She did her best to make herself presentable. A cold compress over her eyes helped the swelling, but there was no hiding the hideous bruise on her forehead.

It was past the dinner rush and Alice was relieved when she pushed the door open to the saloon to find it nearly empty.

A quick glance around the room and she spotted Ernest in his usual spot in the back corner.

Owen greeted her with his usual bright smile, which quickly faded as she walked towards him.

“My Peach, are you OK Alice??? What happened?” He rushed around the bar and hugged her.

“Ah, just a dumb accident in the Starship Ruins.” Alice replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Must have been quite the spill.” Owen looked her over. “Let me make something for you! What sounds good?”

Alice knew exactly what she wanted. “Whatever the soup of the day is. And bread. Lots of it.”

He nodded and quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

She felt a hand tap her shoulder lightly.

She turned around to see Mort standing there.

“Hello, Alice. It’s always so nice to see you.” Mort smiled warmly. “Whoa, that’s quite the bump you’ve got there” He exclaimed once he got a closer look.

“It’s OK, Mort, just a small accident in the mines. It looks worse than it is.” Alice reassured him.

“You young folks, so resilient.” Mort said, almost to himself. “Fang told me he was going to be away for awhile.”

The sound of his name made Alice’s mouth go dry.

Unsure of whether to say where he was and why, she instead simply nodded.

“Must be tough for the newly engaged.” He remarked, sadness in his voice. “But the real reason I’m interrupting your dinner is because with Fang gone, I may need help from time to time around the house and was hoping you might be able to lend a hand.”

“Of course, Mort. Anything.” She answered without hesitation. She really would do anything he asked of her. In fact, if helping Mort would somehow help her relationship with Fang, all the more reason to readily agree.

“Good, good! It will be nice to have company!” Mort said, patting her lightly on the back. He walked away without telling her when she should come or what she would be doing, but she figured he’d find a way to let her know when the time came.

Owen returned from the kitchen with a giant bowl of steaming soup and a bread board with a small loaf. It was exactly what she wanted.

Proud of his work, Owen presented the meal with a grand gesture and bowed once everything was placed on the bar.

“What’s this I hear about Fang?” He inquired innocently.

Owen knew everything about everybody, so it should come as no surprise to her. Still, talking about it right after her short conversation with Mort made her queasy.

“Oh, yeah…He was called away for work. Not sure how long he’ll be gone…” She trailed off, swirling her spoon in the bowl.

“Hmm, I see…” Owen responded with a “I know when to shut up” tone in his voice. “Well, selfishly I hope it means I’ll be seeing you more!”

She looked up to see him smiling warmly. Oh Owen. He was like a big brother.

Exhaustion swept over her after her last slurp of soup. Owen insisted it was on the house, so she left him a hefty tip and made her way back to the house.

As she opened the door to leave, something caught her attention.

Logan was tying up Rambo, about to go into the saloon.

He looked up at her and gave her a sly smile.

“Small town living.” He remarked jokingly.

Here he was, in front of her again.

“How are you doing?” he asked. “Or should I pretend we don’t know one another?”

Her knees were weak. Just his presence had that effect on her.

“It would take too much energy to pretend we’re strangers.” She answered.

He chuckled softly. “True. Besides, I don’t think I can hide the way I feel about you anyway.”

She blushed. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” She said pleadingly.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. It’s just that each second that passes that we’re not together feels wasted. And if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that life is too short to waste.”

Before she could respond, he walked past her towards the door. “You know where to find me...G’night, Alice.” He tipped his hat towards her and went into the saloon.

Chapter 8: Damsel in Distress

Summary:

Alice keeps getting herself into trouble, both in and out of the ruins.

She did know where to find him. And that was the problem. Calling Sandrock a “small town” was an understatement. It felt like they were all sharing one plot of land, everyone just a backyard away. She had liked that aspect when she first got here. But now it felt suffocating.

She felt like everyone knew everything. The paranoia was with her all day. Every interaction she had with someone she tried to see if they were treating her differently. Truthfully, it appeared they were all none the wiser. Still, SHE knew what was going on and that was enough to walk around feeling like she was deceiving everyone.

She ran into Mi-An at the Commissioner’s Guild.

“I heard about your accident in the Starship Ruins!” she exclaimed with wide eyes, rushing over to Alice.

“I’m OK, Mi-An, honestly it looks worse than it is,” she responded with the same phrase every time someone brought it up.

“OK, well, either way we should hang out soon. I could use the break and I’d love your company.”

Mi-an was earnest. It’s what Alice liked about her.

“Yes, that sounds good. Maybe early next week sometime?”

Mi-an looked a bit disappointed, but then quickly flashed her a smile “Totally!”

And with that, she gave Alice a quick hug and left.

Alice noticed the Commission board was particularly sparse. In fact, there were only two requests posted.

One was from Unsuur for six pieces of canvas.

The other for mountain rose seeds. It was signed “L”.

Did he do this on purpose? She had an idea and ripped his request off.

***

He said he needed the seeds in five days. Alice figured she’d wait until the last possible minute and then drop them off in front of his door. He had no reason to badger her unless she missed the deadline.

Satisfied with her plan, she looked over her to-do list. While she dreaded the idea of going into the ruins, she had no choice. The Civil Corps did not mine and Eufaula Salvage didn’t have what she needed. She’d put an order in with the Moles, but she couldn’t afford to wait.

At least it wasn’t the Starship ruins, she thought to herself.

The area around the mole caves still had a few monsters that lingered around the entrance. She quickly took care of them and then started at the first level. This had been an active digging site after the Day of Calamity with some passages held up by wooden boards and areas with broken down mine carts. There were even lights that still worked. But she also had to use her jet pack a lot more, as entrances to some of the floors were elevated.

She reached the bottom of the caves and had to clear about 100 feet upwards to the exit.

After too many attempts, the jetpack’s battery was blown out.

Shit. Alice knew she could pick axe her way out of one side, but then she would still have to make it up to the first level. Without the jetpack, this could take days.

Trying not to panic, she opened her waist pack to see what kind of supplies, if any, she had. There were a handful of dried sandberries, two packets of Fang’s medicine, the stone daggers and her water bottle. Luckily, there were small pools of water in the cave. Not ideal, but drinkable.

Exhausted from a day’s work, she decided to find somewhere to sleep and would start her adventure tomorrow.

***

Without a watch, Alice wasn’t sure how long she had slept, but that was irrelevant. She needed to make the most of her energy and get as far as she could today.

As she made her way through, the slow pace was making it apparent this was going to take far longer than she anticipated. She was hungry. Very hungry.

Last night, before she fell asleep, she realized she hadn’t told anyone where she was going. Who would notice and when? Maybe Mi-an?

She pushed the thought of someone rescuing her out of her mind. She didn’t want to fall back on the false belief someone would find her first.

Too tired to even lift the axe, Alice found herself on level 7. She was hoping to make it to at least five, but this would have to do.

Guess I’ll be sleeping in here again tonight.

Day three was not going well. Alice was weak. Even trying to manage the terrain was difficult.

Just keep going. She told herself.

On level six, she decided to take a long break. Yes, it would be harder to get up and start again if she sat for too long, but she needed to rest and conserve what little energy she had left.

Alice started to get up, but was struck by a wave of intense dizziness. She fell backwards and everything went dark.

Who is groaning?, she thought groggily. She realized it was her.

Reaching behind to touch the back of her throbbing head, she felt a glob of coagulated blood and winced.

Do NOT cry. If you start to cry, you won’t stop.

She shut her eyes tightly, willing the tears to retreat. If Fang were still here, she would be home. He would have gone out looking for her the night she disappeared.

She could picture his face and felt the phantom relief of being found.

Maybe she would die down here. At least then she wouldn’t have to face Fang, wouldn’t have to make a choice, wouldn’t have to deal with all her feelings about Logan.

She laid back down, delicately holding her head up with one hand. She looked up at the jagged edges of the cave’s ceiling. They looked ominous. Had they always looked like this?

She listened to her shallow breathing and felt a rumble in her stomach. She thought back on Owen’s delicious soup. Her mouth salivated remembering the aroma that drifted up to her nostrils when he placed it in front of her.

Guess if that was my last real meal, it was a good one. Alice mused.

She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard someone calling her name.

Oh god, do I have a concussion? Is it making me hear things?”

“ALICE!” it was louder this time, but closer and less of an echo.

“In here!” she tried to yell, but her voice was hoarse. She hadn’t uttered a word outloud in days and didn’t recognize the sound of it.

She heard pounding footsteps. Someone was standing over her “She’s in here!”

Adjusting her eyes, she saw the outline of Logan’s yakboy hat. He knelt down beside her. “Are you trying to beat the record for head injuries or somethin’?”

She burst into tears.

“C’mon now, it’s OK, I’m here - you’re safe.” He caressed her cheek. More footsteps and Alice heard Justice and Unsuur’s voices.

“Damn pardner, you scared us all to death!” Justice exclaimed. “We’ve been through three other ruins!”

“Can you walk?” Logan asked her.

She tried to sit up.

“That would be a ‘no’” Logan stated.

“Plan B it is!” Unsuur quipped.

Logan carefully picked her up. She wrapped her arms limply around his neck, leaning her head on his chest.

“Well, at least you’re a beautiful damsel in distress” Logan chided, carrying her as if she were weightless.

She managed a small smile, and closed her eyes.

Chapter 9: An Unexpected Trip

Summary:

Logan and the Civil Corps got Alice out of the ruins, but she still had an injury that needed to be looked at. *NSFW* (Steamy, but not graphic)

They ended up giving Logan two jetpacks so he was able to continue carrying Alice as he ascended to the exit.

She was taken aback by the sharp sting of sunlight.

“Since the doc is gone, we have to take you to Atara” Justice told her.

The doc is gone. Reality set back in.

“I’ll take her, Justice. Town needs you and Unsuur to hold down the fort. Besides, I don’t have much going on at the moment.” Logan half joked.

Justice raised an eyebrow but gave him a nod of approval.

Logan loaded her onto a yakcart and rode alongside it to the train station. Mabel had prepared an overnight bag for her already and half the town was at the station to catch a glimpse of her before he carried her into a sleeper car.

“Can I get ya anything?” He asked as he set her down.

“Something to eat? And maybe a shower?” She answered.

“The first one is easy. Let me see about the second.”

Logan left the car and Alice laid down, feeling the train start to move. Her head was pounding. Then she remembered Fang’s medicine and swallowed it down with a glass of water sitting beside the bed. She closed her eyes and could feel the pain dissipate immediately. He really was a miracle worker.

I wish you were here. She thought about how she loved to lay her head in his lap and close her eyes. He would murmur sweet nothings in his soothing voice and she would feel safe and loved.

Too tired to cry, Alice rolled over, hugging the pillow tightly to her chest and curling into the fetal position.

Logan emerged with two plates of a variety of food.

“Didn’t know what you had a taste for.” He said with a sheepish smile.

“Oh and, I found the car that has the shower. It’s only a couple down, when you’re ready I’ll take you there. For now I’ll leave you to rest.”

She grabbed his hand. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” She said in a shaky voice.

She moved over to give him room on the bed. He laid down, putting his arm around her.

***

When they arrived in Atara, someone from the hospital was there to pick her up. Assuming they were a couple, they motioned to Logan to get into the van with them.

When they arrived, a doctor looked at her head injury.

“Looks like it needs some stitches and that’s it. You’re lucky. If you were struck lower down, closer to the top of your spine, you could have been paralyzed.”

“Alice!”

A familiar voice rang out.

“Whoa, wait a minute, who are you???” the doctor asked as a nurse came running in.

“He said he was here to see the patient and when I asked what his relationship was to her, he took off running!”

“Fang!” Alice cried out, happy tears falling from her face.

“I -” before Fang could finish he saw Logan standing off to the side.

They stared at one another until Logan said “I’ll leave you…all…” and left the room.

Fang rushed to the side of the bed.

“Are you alright, my swan?” He stroked her face.

“Yes. I’m fine. The doctor said I only needed stitches..”

Realizing Alice knew this man, both the doctor and nurse slipped out of the room quietly.

“What is…he doing here?” Fang’s voice now had an edge to it.

“Logan, Justice and Unsuur found me in the Mole Caves. It didn’t make sense for someone from the Civil Corp to abandon their post to accompany me….” She didn’t want to tell him that Logan had been the one to make this point after volunteering.

“I see.” He answered, devoid of emotion.

“How did you know I was here?” Alice asked.

“Someone from this hospital is friends with a colleague of mine. They said they heard a woman from Sandrock was being sent to Atara after sustaining injuries in a mining cave. I left Seesai the minute I heard. None of this would have happened if I had been there.”

“Fang, this isn’t your fault.” Alice pleaded.

His expression didn’t change.

“Well. It looks like you are being well taken care of. There is no need for me to stay.” Fang looked at Alice, as if waiting for her to respond to his non question.

Instead of saying anything, she started to cry even harder. Fang hesitated, but then embraced her.

They stayed like this for a while, but eventually Fang let go.

“Goodbye, Alice. I will… write soon” and with that, he was gone.

***

There wasn’t another train back to Sandrock until the following morning. When Ernest heard they were stuck overnight, he arranged for a hotel room close to the hospital.

She knew Ernest came from money, but this hotel was nicer than any place she had ever stayed. Logan looked even more shocked, walking around the suite admiring all of the decadent furniture.

The bathroom had a huge jacuzzi tub and of course, a giant king size bed.

“I can sleep on the couch.” Logan said, watching her gaze fall on the bed, then down to the floor.

She gave him a slight nod.

No matter how hard she tried, there was no turning off her physical attraction to him. Maybe he gave off some hormones that only she could smell. Maybe his face was in a shape her mind subconsciously found perfect. Maybe she was under a spell.

He hadn’t tried anything in the train car nor had he done anything even remotely flirtatious since arriving. Seeing Fang probably helped tamper down anything that could be perceived in the wrong light.

All of this was disappointing to her, even though he was respecting her wishes. He was trying to give her space even though they kept ending up in these situations. A part of her wanted to throw up her hands and give up, or rather, give in and see if she and Logan had a real future. But Fang was always in the back of her mind, beckoning her to remember what they had before Logan showed up.

“Can I run a bath for you?” Logan asked, disrupting her thoughts.

“Yes, that sounds nice.” Though it reminded her of the night she came home from the ruins. The steam. The lavender. The gentle way Fang did everything. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think about something else.

As the water ran, she undressed and found a long, plush robe. She sat on the edge of the bed waiting.

When Logan emerged, she jumped up.

“Where’d you find that?” he gestured to her robe “It looks really soft.”

He walked over to her and ran his hand along the sleeve.

She got goosebumps from the contact and started walking past him.

“Thank you.” She said, only slightly turning around.

“Of course, no problem.” He replied.

As she reached the door to the bathroom, a sudden urge came rushing through her body and before she could stop herself - “Will you join me?” She asked quietly.

He was trying to see if she was looking at him. He couldn’t tell.

“Yes. I’ll be right there.”

She went in and closed the door. The hotel had candles and he had lit a few leaving them on the counter by the sink. She saw the steam rising up from the tub as the moisture hit her skin.

She hung up the robe and slowly stepped in.

The door opened and Logan walked in, naked. She tried not to stare and for some reason, slunk down further into the water as if he hadn’t seen every inch of her body already.

Without saying a word, he climbed in and sat behind her, just like he had in the ruins. He wrapped his arms around her and she let out a soft sigh..

He took a glass from the counter and used it to get her hair wet, dunking it into the water and slowly pouring it over her head. He put the shampoo in his palm and rubbed his hands together working up a lather. He was gentle, careful not to touch her stitches, massaging her scalp. Then he picked up the glass and repeated the pouring of water to rinse everything out.

He started on her shoulders using a hand towel, then made soft strokes down her arms. Next he cleaned her back from the nape of her neck to her tailbone.

He put his arm around her and swiped the front of her neck, gliding his hand down until it reached her breasts. In a slow circular motion he used his entire hand with the towel over it to clean them. Her breathing got heavier. She wished his every touch didn’t light something inside of her.

His hand kept going down until it reached the gap between her legs. He slid the towel down with a couple of gentle strokes, then kept going, down her thighs. She pulled her legs in so he could reach her calves, ankles and finally toes.

He kissed the nape of her neck and put his arms around her again.

She was starting to get sleepy. She patted his arms and he let go. She stood up and he put out his hand to help her get out.

He followed, grabbing a large, fluffy bath towel and started to dry her off. He rubbed her scalp and hair and thoroughly attended to each part of her body. He put her robe back on and kissed her forehead.

She got into bed and when he came out of the bathroom she nodded towards the empty side of the bed. With only a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked over, peeled the blankets down and slid in next to her. She was wearing a long t-shirt and panties. He was naked, like always.

She scooted closer and he put his arm around her. A wave of exhaustion swept over her.

Chapter 10: Disaster After Disaster

Summary:

Alice finds herself in trouble once again. *NSFW* *WARNING: PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS NONCON CONTENT*

The train ride back went by quickly. Alice and Logan were mostly quiet, sitting in a regular car next to one another. She rested her head on his shoulder and he stroked her hair as they gazed out of the window.

When they got to the station, he carried her bag and walked her back to her house.

Approaching the door, he stopped and put the bag down.

“Well…uh, I guess I’ll see you…around?” Logan asked, doubt in his voice.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Logan.” She replied softly.

They stood in silence for a moment.

He tipped his hat and walked away.

She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew she needed to be alone to figure things out. She hadn’t been able to sit and really consider everything that had happened the past few weeks.

Before she turned to open the door, she noticed the flag on her mailbox was raised.

Opening it, there was one letter, with Fang’s handwriting.

Dearest Alice,

You are probably home now if you are reading this. I sent it from Atara after I left the hospital. I hope you are feeling better. The doctors are well trained and I am sure you will have a speedy recovery.
It’s strange being back in Seesai. It does not feel like home and I do not imagine it ever will. My father is in a coma. His prognosis does not look good, but he has responded to some of my initial t
Treatments. That is promising.
I cannot lie. Seeing Logan with you left me with an ache in my heart. I should have been the one with you. I felt like an outsider in that room, even with you there. I do not know what to make of that
feeling, but I do not wish to experience it again.
I hope you will be able to figure out what your heart wants. Know that whatever you decide, nothing can erase all that we have been through.

I love you.

-F

Alice clutched the letter to her chest and let out a mournful cry. She was the cause of his pain. She was responsible for hurting the most wounded soul she had ever come across. Even if she were to choose him, she would never be able to forgive herself, even though she knows he would. She would carry the guilt and shame to her grave. It can never go back to the way it was.

She ran into the house and allowed herself to sob. She cried until there weren’t any tears left. She couldn’t breathe out of her nose. Her lips were dried and cracked from all of the gasping. All the while knowing what she was going through was nowhere near the suffering Fang must be experiencing. Even Logan was waiting for an answer, not knowing which way it would go.

She was lying on the animal skin rug, curled into the fetal position. She drifted in and out of sleep. Every time she woke up, she would start to cry. This went on for three days.

When the sun was coming up on the fourth day, she tried to figure out what day it was. Did it even matter? Work had been sidetracked and thankfully Mi-an had been picking up the slack. Yan would never understand the situation, so she told him she was sick. He didn’t believe her, but she didn’t care.

Get up. Take a shower. Eat something. Quit this pity party.

She stood and moved about like a robot. Maybe a clean house would make her feel better. She swept and organized, wiped down surfaces, and took out the trash. She opened the curtains to let the hot desert sun in and tended to her indoor plants.

Realizing she probably shouldn’t overdue it, she poured herself a glass of iced tea and sat in her favorite chair.

On the table beside her there was a blank notebook Ernest had given her. She wasn’t the journaling type, but the book was leatherbound with recycled paper. A little piece of art. Maybe if she wrote out her thoughts and feelings it might help? It couldn’t hurt.

The first thing that crossed her mind was, even if she was somehow able to make a choice, Sandrock was not big enough for the three of them. Whoever’s feelings were hurt would be reminded anytime they crossed paths, which would be often. She didn’t want to go back to Highwind. Logan would not want to move Andy again. Fang had established his practice here and had no intention of settling somewhere else.

She would get her happy ending either way.

She didn’t want to think about it right now. She decided the best distraction would be to do something new, something to keep her on her toes.

***

Alice settled on the ruins she had gone to with Logan when they killed the giant sandworm. She hadn’t been back since and while there, wasn’t able to explore.

She set out later than she wanted, but there were still a few hours before the sunset.

Thankfully the caves were well lit, meaning she had one less thing to carry. Not knowing what she might encounter, she brought a variety of items, some for mining, some for protection.

She knew the tunnel would be a dead end, but there was a section they hadn’t walked down when they first walked in.

There was somewhat of a path that had been created by other tourists walking back and forth. She followed along slowly, checking out her surroundings and looking for opportunities to mine. This way also led to a dead end. She yelled out “Hello?” and heard her echo bounce off the cavernous walls.

Suddenly someone grabbed her from behind and covered her mouth with their hand. They reeked of body odor and alcohol.

‘Well, well, what do we have here, Don?” The man’s voice was familiar. It was the pair who were pretending to be Logan and Haru. Mule and Donkey.

“Uh, looks like a lady, boss.” Donkey replied.

“Yeah, obviously! Today’s our lucky day!” Mule retorted.

A chill went down Alice’s spine. What did he mean by “lucky”? Were they going to rob her? Kill her? Rape her?

She tried to wriggle her way out of his hold, but he tightened his grip.

“Oh no, missy, you ain’t goin nowhere.” He half whispered in her ear.

The feeling of his hot breath made her nauseous.

“Don, fetch me some rope.”

Don disappeared down the tunnel.

“Hmm, on second thought, now that he’s gone, I won’t have to share.” Mule said to himself.

It was clear now to Alice what was about to happen. But afterwards, would they kill her so she wouldn’t go to the Civil Corps or worse, Logan?

“Walk.” He demanded while pushing her towards a large boulder at the back of the cave. She tried to take her time, but he was stronger than her and the ground was slippery gravel that made it easier for him to maneuver her forward.

He took his hand off of her mouth.

“No sense in wastin’ one of my hands, ain’t no one gonna hear you scream in here.” He snarled.

He grabbed her breast, “those are some mighty fine titties.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, repulsed by his forceful grope.

He pushed her down to the ground and then pulled a pistol from his waistband.

“All you gotta do is lie there and keep quiet. If you give me trouble, I will put you out of your misery.

Alice’s eyes started to water. Maybe without the gun she had a fighting chance, but now things felt hopeless.

She realized her eyes were still shut when she heard him start to remove his belt.

“My, my, you are a pretty little thing, ain’t ya.” She didn’t want to look, but also didn’t want to move too suddenly if he touched her without warning.

He was naked from the waist down and suddenly leapt on to her.

It took everything for her not to scream.

“Aww, I ain’t so bad.” he laughed.

He forced his lips onto hers, trying to pry them open with his tongue. When he wasn’t successful, he started to lick her neck. She felt his hands struggling with the buttons of her shirt.

“Dang these things!”

He lifted his head to get a better look at what he was doing. She felt the air on her skin.

He pulled the bra down, exposing her breasts and immediately started sucking on her nipple, pinching the other hard with his hand. The wet sounds of his mouth made her sick to her stomach.

It felt like this went on forever. While she was glad he hadn’t touched her below the waist yet, her skin was crawling from his slobbery lapping.

He was panting now, eyes wild.

“Take off yer pants!” he suddenly yelled.

She froze. He reached for his gun and pointed it right at her face.

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

He got up and motioned to her with the gun to stand up.

“Strip for me.” He said, looking her up and down.

She closed her eyes again and unbuttoned her pants. She started to lower them when he barked “Take them panties off too!”

His voice startled her and she opened her eyes only to see him masturbating.

The air felt thick. It was hard to swallow.

She pulled the waistband of her panties down along with her pants until they reached her ankles and slowly stepped out of them.

“Uhhhhh” He was leering at her, tightening his grip around his erection and tugging it hard and fast.

Suddenly he groaned loudly. Alice looked away as he came all over himself.

“Fuck…” he sighed.

Then she heard a crack, not like a tree branch breaking, but instead something hard striking a rock, and then a thud.

Opening her eyes she looked down to see Mule on the ground, half naked, dark red blood running down the side of his head from a gash the size of a fist. She looked up to see Logan holding his gun, the handle covered in blood, which had also splattered on his face.

She crumpled to the ground.

He ran to her. “Alice!!!” He tore his desert cape off and wrapped it around her. He picked up her clothes and knelt down to hand them to her.

She stayed huddled, like a wild animal cowering from prey.

“Alice, please say something.” Logan pleaded.

“I thought you were going to give me space?” She rasped.

“Wh-what - I…damn, you are truly somethin’,”

She looked up at him, with a tear streaked face. He noticed Mule’s dirty fingerprints on the side of her mouth and saw red.

He looked away from her and she suddenly felt disgusting. She didn’t want him to see her this way. She grabbed the clothes from him and hurriedly got dressed.

“Where’s Donkey?” She said in a panic, remembering he was there too.

“He looks a lot like our friend Mule here, only closer to the entrance of the cave.”

Alice looked down at Mule again. She had no sympathy. In fact, a part of her wanted to stomp on his head.

“Lets get out of here.” Logan helped her up and held on to her hand tightly all the way outside.

Chapter 11: Rinse and Repeat

Summary:

Alice is taken to the clinic where someone new treats her. She stays with Logan to recover.

She clung on to Logan as Rambo galloped towards Sandrock. When they passed her house, she called out.

“Where are we going?” She tried to yell over Rambo's hooves.

“I’ll explain when we get there!”

Confused, she watched the ranch go by, then the museum. They slowed to a stop in front of the clinic.

Logan leapt off and helped her down.

“Why are we-“ she started.

“Trudy found a nurse in Tallsky to take over until Fan-…for the interim.”

Alice nodded slowly.

“Her name is Cheyenne. She’s real nice.” He said softly, guiding her to the door.

Everything looked exactly as he’d left it. Only instead of seeing Fang standing at the counter, back to the door, a bright eyed woman, probably Alice’s age, approached them with a warm smile.

“Hello Logan, who do we have here?” She asked, never taking her eyes off Alice.

“Cheyenne, this is Alice.”

Alice looked at her and gave a weak smile.

“Uh, could I talk to you for a minute?” Logan asked in a low voice. This got Cheyenne’s attention.

“Yes, of course. Alice, why don’t you have a seat on the bed?”

Alice glanced at Logan briefly and disappeared behind the curtain.

“Listen, doc, er, nurse…I don’t know the details of what all happened, but I know for sure he…touched her.” His voice wavered.

“I see. Thank you for telling me. I will look after her with that in mind.” She replied.

“I’m just gonna tell her I’ll be back in a bit. I need to run home.”

“Of course, take your time.” Cheyenne went upstairs and Logan pulled the curtain back.

Alice was lying on her side, facing the wall.

“Hey…” he murmured. “I need to do something at home and then I’ll be back, OK?”

“Mmhmm” she answered without turning to look at him.

He went to touch her, but thought twice.

“I won’t be long.”

***

Alice heard his goodbye to Cheyenne and then her footsteps approaching.

Behind the curtain, Cheyenne called to her “Alice, would you prefer to rest, or can I give you an exam?”

Alice did not want to be in the clinic any longer than she had to.

“I am ready for an exam,” She answered.

Cheyenne drew the curtain back and Alice sat up slowly. She hadn’t put her bra back on and her shirt was buttoned wrong. She didn’t bother with her socks either.

Cheyenne listened to her heart and lungs, checked her eyes, throat, and ears. She looked at Alice’s hands, turning them over to view each side.

“Alice, do you have any injuries from the incident?” Cheyenne asked.

Alice tried to think. Nothing in particular hurt. In fact, she didn’t feel anything. It was as if her body ended at her neck. Everything below it was no longer a part of her.

“I’m not sure.” she answered.

“I see. Would you take off your shirt so I can have a look?”

Alice shrugged and started to undo her buttons. She stared straight ahead as Cheyenne did a once over, jotting down a few notes.

“Ok, you can put your shirt back on.” she said. “Do I need to look at anything below your waist”? She asked carefully.

Alice shook her head slowly.

“Good. Alice?”

Alice looked up at her.

“Are you able to tell me what happened?”

“No.” she responded firmly.

“I understand. Why don’t you lie down until Logan comes back to get you?”

Alice laid back down, rolling on to her side again. Cheyenne pulled a blanket up over her and dimmed the lights.

“Are you staying in the upstairs room?”

Cheyenne was startled by the sound of Alice’s voice.

“No. Mayor Trudy thought I’d be more comfortable at the apartments.” Cheyenne answered, unsure of why Alice wanted to know.

She waited for Alice to say something, but when she didn’t, she pulled the curtain aside and walked away.

***

Alice wondered if this was her fate: cry, mine, get hurt, be rescued, take a bath, repeat. In a way it was funny. It had to be, otherwise she would just feel sorry for herself and what was the point of that?

Today she was in Logan’s bathtub. He brought her to his house after picking her up from the clinic. Andy had cleaned the bathroom and even put a small vase with wildflowers near the sink. The gesture brought her to tears.

She heard a light knock on the door.

“You OK in there?”

She heard Logan’s voice and felt at ease.

“Yes…why?” She asked.

“Oh, well, it’s been over an hour…I just…wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Just then she realized the water was cold.

“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” She answered.

“No rush! Take all the time you need.”

She heard his footsteps fade down the hallway.

Oh Light, there’s only one bathroom in this house, she remembered. She quickly dried off, wrapped herself in the towel and stepped out. But where to?

Before she could take another step, Andy burst out of his bedroom.

“Alice!” he yelled in delight, running towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Are you alright?” He asked, fear in his voice.

She smiled down at him. “Yes, don’t you worry about me mister and thank you for the beautiful flowers.”

Andy looked up beaming. “I picked ‘em myself!”

Logan appeared at the top of the stairs. “Andy! Give Alice some breathin’ room!” his voice louder than he meant.

Andy jumped back, “Oh, er, sorry ‘bout that.”

Logan quickly regretted his harsh tone, but before he could apologize, Alice cut in.

“It’s OK.” she said to Andy, giving him a wink.

He smiled, then looked at Logan, who gave him a weak smile.

“Well, it’s time for bed anyway. See ya in the mornin’, Alice!” And with that he spun around and went back into his bedroom.

Logan walked up to her. “Can I get you anything?”

“Directions?” she said with a half smile.

Logan let out a chuckle “Oh, right. Well, um, I fixed up my bedroom for you. I am all set up on the couch downstairs…”

Alice did not want to be alone. But she also didn’t want to need him. Again.

Sensing her reaction, Logan continued “...that is, unless you prefer to be downstairs…Or…I can sleep in the chair in the bedroom to keep you company.”

She nodded. “The last option sounds good.”

“Alright then. I’ll, uh, let you put on some clothes. I put a few things I found at your house in a bag on the bed.”

She wished he would hug her, but she understood his hesitation. She didn’t want to be the one to initiate it, instead, she thanked him as she walked into his room, closing the door behind her.

A little while later, Logan rapped lightly on the door “Everyone decent in there?”

“Yes. Come in.”

Alice was already in bed. The sheets had been cleaned and he had a soft, feather filled blanket that felt like a cloud.

“I brought you some hot chocolate.” He placed it on the bedside table.

“What time is it?” Alice asked.

“It’s just past midnight.” He replied.

She studied his face. He looked drained, past exhaustion.

“I should…I need to take a shower. I’ll be back in a bit.” He left, shutting the door behind him softly.

Alice was both tired and anxious. When she changed into her nightgown, the feeling of the fabric against her skin made her shiver. She wondered if she’d ever let anyone touch her again. She wished to be naked and covered from head to toe at the same time, just like she wanted to sleep for days while also not wanting to close her eyes.

She sipped Logan’s famous hot chocolate. It was what she needed. The sweetness overwhelmed by salt and spice. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate real food. Maybe this morning at breakfast?

Logan knocked and came in.

His hair was damp and his chest wasn’t completely dry. The towel wrapped around his waist was dangerously low, though he seemed oblivious. Scratching his head he looked at her “Don’t worry, I’ll put something on.”

She let out a small laugh, which made him smile.

“Don’t do anything different just because I’m here.” She said.

He wasn’t sure how to interpret that.

“I just mean, this is your house, Logan. You should do what you want in your own home.” she tried to clarify.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out an undershirt and flannel pajama pants. He gave her a sheepish look and she made a show of covering her eyes.

“I won’t sleep well knowing you couldn’t possibly be comfortable sitting in the chair all night.” She looked at him with a slight frown.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve passed out in that chair plenty of times.” He chuckled to himself. “One too many at the Blue Moon.”

Holding her gaze, she responded “You look pretty sober to me.”

“Alice, I don’t-”

“Logan, considering all that we’ve been through in such a short period of time, there’s no need to dance around things. Please come to bed.”

His face turned serious and he walked over to the other side of the bed and climbed under the covers.

They lay there silently, listening to one another breathe.

Chapter 12: Surprise Visitor

Summary:

Alice finally leaves Logan's house for some fresh air, but maybe she should have stayed inside. *NSFW*

Alice hadn’t been back to her house in a week. Andy was at school for most of the day and had been eating dinner at Trudy’s, sometimes not coming home until it was time for bed. He didn’t seem to mind the arrangement at all, always telling them stories about what he and Jasmine had been up to.

By now, most people in town knew something had happened to Alice. While they didn’t know the details, they let their concern be known with sweet gestures. Mabel and Vivi came by with hot meals. Ernest dropped off a few books. Even Cooper left fresh Yakmel milk at the front door.

Logan rarely left the house. He did his best not to be overbearing, but Alice knew he was never far.

One afternoon Justice came by. Alice was upstairs in the bedroom, but the door was open. She crept closer to it, trying to eavesdrop.

“Hey pardner,” Justice said with a smile.

“J! Come on in.” Logan gestured towards the couch. “Can I get you anythin'?”

“No, no, uh, this isn’t a social visit actually.” His voice lowered.

“Oh. Well then, what brings ya here?” Logan’s voice was unwavering.

“Well, there were reports of somethin' rotten smellin' in those ruins in the Northern Eufaula. Unsuur and I went to check it out and…we found ol’ Mule and Donkey. Well, what was left of ‘em.”

Logan looked at Justice and shook his head. “What kinda trouble did those knuckleheads get into this time? Seems like someone finally had enough of their shenanigans.”

Justice nodded. “Uh yeah, that’s probably what it was. The nurse said it looked like they both died from blunt force trauma to the head from the same weapon. She, uh, said something about the force of the blows being almost inhuman.” He held Logan’s eyes.

“Well, they musta deserved it.” Logan replied, staring back at him.

“Yeah, they were some scoundrels. Though, they seemed like a pair of petty thieves, not hard time criminals…” Justice trailed off. “Anyway, came by to see if you’d heard anything in any of your circles. Once we’ve interviewed everyone in town, we’ll finish up the paperwork and call this case unsolved, but closed.”

Logan shook his head “Sorry, J, I don’t have anythin’ helpful for you. Last I saw those guys I figured they’d be far away by now.”

“Ah well, just doing my job.” Justice remarked. “By the way, how’s Alice doin'? Heard she was stayin' here.”

Logan paused, “She’s doin' just fine. Restin' a lot.”

“Gotcha. Well, holler if you need anything. I won’t keep you any longer.”

Justice stood up and patted Logan on the shoulder before letting himself out.

As soon as the door shut, Alice ran down the stairs.

“Is everything OK?” She asked with a worried look on her face.

“Yes. It’s all settled.” He replied with confidence.

He walked towards her and gently stroked her cheek. “You’ve got a little more color in your face everyday” He said smiling.

She blushed, “I would hope after being waited on hand and foot I’d look somewhat better.”

She looked up at him, “But, I should probably get back to my real life sooner than later.”

His smile faded. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“Or…you could move in with us.”

The statement hung in the air and then seemed to float like a feather down to the ground. She watched the imaginary words falling and suddenly thought about Fang.

Fang. Had he even entered her mind once this week? Is this out of sight, out of mind? Has the incident clouded her thoughts to the point that she doesn’t even think about the love of her life?

“I’m sorry. I know that’s a lot. What I want to say is that you always have a place to stay, for as long as you want.”

“OK, I will stay.”

Her response surprised both of them.

“Oh, well that’s great. Andy will be thrilled.” He looked at her with a tender smile.

She smiled back.

***

In Alice’s mind, this would be the real test, though she didn’t imagine living together would change how she felt about Logan. But if Fang was going to give her the freedom to figure this out, “dating” Logan wasn’t going to cut it.

A month had passed since the incident with Mule and they had not had sex. Logan never attempted to and Alice felt detached from her body. It was not a sexual thing, just a means to continue living.

Maybe this was the actual test. Could her and Logan survive in a relationship that didn’t include love making?

He was an excellent caretaker. She was on indefinite leave from the Commissioner’s Guild, though she still filled things from the request board. This got her outside.

Today’s ask was ten sand carp. She gathered up her trap and bait, put on a sun hat and started to walk towards Eufaula Salvage. Logan left early that morning for an all day expedition and Andy was at school.

As she approached the fishing spot, she peered over at her house. It looked like someone was at the front door. She dropped off her gear and headed towards her gate.

It didn’t take long for her to realize who it was.

Fang.

He heard her pounding footsteps and turned around.

“Oh, you were out fishing. The house looked so empty.”

She stopped short in front of him.

“Hello Alice.”

“Hello.” She responded with trepidation, though her heart was swelling. His peaceful demeanor washed over her and she wished he would hold her.

“My father is responding well to the treatment. I finally had some time to myself and decided at the last minute to see you.”

She nodded, slowly. “I wish I had known you were coming. I’m really happy you’re here.”

He stepped towards her, brushing the hair out of her face gently.

The touch of his hand brought tears to her eyes.

“My swan…I have missed you.”

She lunged forward, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He hugged her back, stroking her hair.

“I missed you too.”

They stayed like this for a moment. She took in his smell, the feeling of his embrace, and could feel his heart pounding in his chest. There was a longing that crept up inside of her, like a vine that wanted to twist around, binding him to her.

“I stopped by the clinic and met Nurse Cheyenne. She seemed worried that I was back for good without notice. I reassured her that wasn’t the case.”

Alice’s heart sank. This really was just a visit.

“Have you been busy? The workshop looks like it hasn’t been touched for a while.” He observed.

“Yes, about that…can we go somewhere and talk?” Alice asked.

“Yes, of course.” He answered softly.

She didn’t want anyone to see or disturb them, so she grabbed a large picnic blanket and led him to the cave Elsie used to hide out in.

Sitting on the ground across from one another, Alice gazed at him, taking in his face.

“How is Seesai?”

“I am getting used to it. The medical facilities are quite advanced, but it is hard to practice my form of medicine.”

“What about outside of work? How has that been?”

“Lonely.” He remarked.

She looked down at her hands.

“How is Sandrock?” He changed the subject.

“It’s…different…” She began.

“Oh?”

She tried to figure out how to explain.

“Fang…not long after I came back from Atara, I was…attacked.”

Fang’s eyes widened and he moved closer to her, putting his arm around her.

“What do you mean? What happened?” His question came out with urgency.

“Two men were in the cave that I was exploring and one of them…” She didn’t know how to continue. A part of her didn’t want to.

Fang looked at her patiently,

“I…was sexually assaulted.”

Fang’s expression contorted in a way Alice had never seen. He pulled her in. “Alice…”

She started to cry. Not because she was reminded of what happened to her, but knowing these words hurt him. She was an endless source of pain for him and it made her want to disappear.

“Fang…Logan killed him.”

It was silent.

“He killed them both and brought me to his house. I’ve…been there ever since. I didn't want to be alone.”

Her heart was racing. Now he knew everything and she was terrified of his reaction.

“That is…understandable.” He commented.

She cried harder. He started to wipe the tears from her eyes. Then gently kissed her face. The feeling of his tender lips stirred something inside of her she hadn’t felt since before the assault.

He kissed the corner of her mouth and before he could move away, Alice turned her head and pressed her lips to his.

He held her even more tightly and kissed her back. He cupped her face in his hands, gazing into her eyes. He ran his finger down her face, outlining her jaw, like a blind person trying to identify someone with their hands. He kissed her neck softly and she let out a sigh.

She pulled at the collar of his shirt so it would open, then brought her hands to untie the sash. The tunic fell off his shoulders.

They lowered to the ground slowly, her on top of him. She straddled him and slowly unbuttoned her shirt. He watched, a serene look in his eyes. He ran his hands down her bare arms and stroked her hands. She unclasped her bra and pulled it off, then laid back down. She kissed his neck and touched his chest. He stroked her hair and rested his other hand on her naked back.

She could feel him getting hard and brought her hand lower and slid it up and down his length. He moaned. She unfastened his belt and pulled down his pants halfway. She stroked the skin of his erection and his breath quickened.

She pulled his pants down further and he used each foot to get them off completely. She looked at him as she continued to move her hand up and down, enjoying the pleasure washing over his face. She stopped to remove her pants. Then climbed on top of him, taking him into her hand and guiding it to the entrance of her center, wet and throbbing.

She lowered herself down slowly and he brought his hands to her hips. Both were overcome by the sensation.

They moved in rhythm, never taking their eyes off the other. It had been a long time for both of them and they eagerly wanted release. As she continued to lift herself up and down, Alice started to pleasure herself.

Fang moaned at the sight.

The intensity building until they both climaxed. Extreme relaxation washed over them as Alice rolled to his side and he immediately took her into his arms.

***

As they started to put their clothes back on, Fang stopped to watch Alice.

“You are even more beautiful than the last time I saw you.”

She looked back at him. “So are you.” She replied.

Silently, Fang folded up the blanket and they exited the cave. A feeling of dread took over Alice and she stopped walking.

“How long will you be here?”

“I am returning on the train tonight.”

Silence. Alice tried to keep herself from reacting, taking a deep breath to stay calm.

“There is not much left for me to do in Seesai. I need to make sure he will continue to get the care he needs under my strict instructions. After that, I…” Fang didn’t finish his thought.

They didn’t say anything the rest of the walk back to the station. The train would be there in a few minutes. They sat on a bench, holding hands. She rested her head on his shoulder.

She could hear a rumble on the tracks and wished she knew what to say. But the words wouldn’t come.

He started to stand. She didn’t let go of his hand. He looked down at her. “I’m glad I came to Sandrock today.”

“Me too.”

“I will send my next letter to Logan’s house.”

Hearing Logan’s name felt like a slap in the face. She didn’t say anything.

The train pulled up to the platform. Alice stood up, still holding his hand.

When the doors opened, he turned to her, lifted her chin and kissed her gently.

“Goodbye, my swan.” he whispered and like before, got on the train without looking back.

Chapter 13: A Fresh Start

Summary:

Alice makes up her mind.

It was dark by the time she got back to Logan’s.

He was standing by the door when she walked in.

“Where were you?? I was about to go out lookin’ for you!” Logan looked panicked and angry.

“I’m sorry. I went to fish and…”

“And???” Logan asked impatiently, waiting for Alice to explain.

“Fang…he was at my doorstep.”

Logan’s expression changed from anxious to confused.

“...Fang?” He replied “Did you know he was coming?”

“No!”

Just then she caught Logan looking down at her shirt. It was misbuttoned. Sadness crept into his eyes.

“I see. Well, it looks like you’re doing just fine. I’ve had a long day. I’ll see you in the morning.” Logan walked upstairs into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Alice had intended to talk to him. She certainly didn’t want him finding out this way, but it was too late.

Aside from giving him the facts, she probably wouldn’t be able to answer any of his questions, like what it means for them, or her, or Fang.

She decided to sleep on the couch that night.

It would end up being her last night at Logan’s house. And in Sandrock.

***

Alice held the wedding invitation.

Seven years had passed since she left Sandrock and she hadn’t been back since.

She stared out the window of her high rise apartment in Atara.

It was a stunning, panoramic view of the city. She did a mental check of everything she had packed.

“All set for tomorrow?” A voice interrupted her internal inventorying.

Alice turned.

“I think so. Are you?”

“I think so”. He replied.

She smiled as he walked up to her and gently kissed her cheek.

“You are looking especially lovely tonight.” His face lingered near hers and she turned to kiss him.

***

Alice had decided that night on the couch at Logan’s to leave Sandrock the next day. She wrote three letters, one to Fang, one to Logan and one to Mayor Trudy.

For the latter, it was to express her deepest apologies for leaving without saying goodbye. It thanked her for welcoming Alice into their little town, how the experience had changed her life for the better. She hoped they would find a suitable replacement builder.

The other two letters were much harder.

Dearest Fang,

Tonight is my last night in Sandrock. I haven’t even decided where I’m going, but I know I can’t stay here any longer. I promise to write to you once I’m settled.

I am sorry for everything. I know I will never experience the love we shared because there is no one else in the world like you. I did not deserve you.

I’ve made up my mind. My decision is to be alone. I have destroyed two lives with my selfishness and can’t see either path working out for those involved. So I’m creating a third path, one that does not include anyone.

I believe it’s for the best. At the very least, I won’t be able to hurt you anymore.

I will think about what we had until the day that I die.

With Love,
Alice

Logan,

There is no way for me to repay you for everything you’ve done. You have saved my life in more ways than one, and for that I am eternally grateful.

This past month has been wonderful. I could picture a future with you and Andy, living in this house and being a family. The thought warmed my heart.

But there would always be a part of me that longed for someone else, that might wonder what would have happened if I had chosen differently. You don’t deserve that.

You are an incredible man. It was so easy to fall in love with you. Maybe too easy.

I’ll be on a train by the time you read this. Right now I’m not even sure where I’m going. I just know I can’t stay here.

I’ll write to you to let you know I’ve arrived safely.

Whatever happens, I will never forget our time together.

With Love,
Alice

When she got to the station, Jensen was surprised to see her.

“Well, hello Alice. Where are you headed this morning?”

She looked up at the departure board, scanning each destination.

“Atara.”

“Ah, then you’re in for a treat. It’s a very scenic route!”

She gave him a small smile and boarded the train.

Chapter 14: Turning a New Leaf

Summary:

Alice moves to Atara. Can she still have a happy ending?

When Alice arrived, she found a coffee shop and pulled a notepad out. She slept most of the way there and needed to formulate at least a basic plan.

Find a hotel
Look at job ads
Contact Haru

She almost didn’t write the last one, but she would be kidding herself if she thought she could manage this city without some guidance. He wasn’t the ideal person, but she also knew he would understand.

Maybe if she was able to get her life in order quicker than she anticipated, she wouldn’t need to call him for help, but instead just to see a friend.

And that’s what happened.

Alice had always blown off her supposed notoriety as she hadn’t been anywhere to experience fame. But it only took a few phone calls to line up an interview. No one even asked for a resume and all of them offered her a generous salary.

She accepted a position with a small family owned business that made high quality items in small batches. They seemed thrilled and surprised she accepted. She asked if they would keep her identity a secret and introduce her as “Ali” if any of their clients asked, to which they agreed.

They had also offered to rent their coach house to her, meaning she could walk to the workshop.

With a permanent address, she wrote to both Fang and Logan to let them know she was safe and had found work and a place to live.

She didn’t expect either of them to write back, but both of them did, eventually.

Fang stayed in Seesai and his father ended up passing away, leaving everything to Fang. He donated most of the money and used the rest to establish a holistic practice attached to his modest home. He seemed at peace, though she would never really know if he was suffering.

She wrote him back, but never heard from him again.

Logan wasn’t the greatest of pen pals, but he did keep the lines of communication open. Every now and then, she would get a school photo of Andy or an update on someone in town.

She was living a pretty lowkey lifestyle, mostly going to work and trying to make her coach house a home. She adopted a dog. The best part of the job was she had access to all of the equipment she could ever dream of and was even given any extra supplies left from completed commissions.

Most of the furnishings in her house she built. She was especially proud of the porch swing.

Two years later, she had grown close with the owners of the business. They treated her like a daughter. Jim and Maude invited her to almost every meal, but were never pushy.

One Sunday morning she stopped over with muffins. Maude handed her a hot cup of coffee as she sat down at the table with Jim.

“Hey, take a look at this! Says something about Sandrock…”

Jim folded the newspaper and handed it to Alice. There was a full page article about Ernest. He had written a fictional book about Sandrock and it made the top of every book list in the Free Cities. Apparently he had moved back to Atara recently and would be doing a book signing at a store close to the workshop.

“He’s handsome…do you know him?” Maude asked, reading over her shoulder.

“Yes, I do.”

Alice hadn’t told them much about her life in Sandrock and they didn’t ask. Her parents had visited her in Atara and she went back to Highwind for the holidays. But that was about all they knew.

“How nice! You should go to the book signing!” Maude explained.

Jim looked over at Alice with a look, “only if you want to” he said with his eyes. She smiled and nodded.

After her visit she took the paper home with her and sat on the porch swing.

He looked exactly the same in the photo. It would be nice to see a familiar face. Haru had gone back to Sandrock after graduating, just like he promised. They had gotten together a few times before he left, but now she was once again without a friend.

***

On the day of the book signing, Alice settled on a floral mini dress and amber earrings Ernest had given her for one of her birthdays years ago. She hadn’t dated since moving to Atara, so the sight of her dressed up was like looking at a stranger in the mirror. She gave herself a little smile. She may not be 25 anymore, but she could still turn heads. Maude had tried to introduce her to a few of their clients, but Alice always politely declined their invitations to dinner.

She decided to come towards the end of the event, not wanting to stand in the long line only to say a quick hello. People were still milling about the bookstore when she arrived. Ernest was sitting at a long table, a small stack of books next to him. There was no one in line when she approached him.

“Alice!” Ernest leapt out of his seat, around the table and gave her a warm hug. He looked handsome, no longer in his post college hoodie and jeans, the baby face gone, replaced by a defined jawline to compliment his sapphire eyes.

“I can’t believe it’s really you!” he exclaimed.

“It’s really me!” she said with a grin.

“Do you live here now??” he asked.

“I do, right down the street in fact.” she replied.

“Well then we have to get together!” he said, jotting down his information on a piece of paper and handing it to her.

“This isn’t a great place to catch up.” He motioned to the people still at the event.

“No, it isn't,” she said with a small laugh. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

They looked at one another for a moment and then Alice turned and left.

***

It didn’t take long for Alice and Ernest to start dating. It was easy and familiar, something she needed. He seemed equally happy that fate brought them back together. He was always a sucker for a happy ending.

They got married a few years later in a small ceremony at his parents’ summer house. Mostly family and a few friends. She invited Jim and Maude and even brought her dog, Henry.

Alice kept working at their shop, though she didn’t take on as many commissions. Ernest signed a three book deal with his publisher, each one more successful than the last.

They bought an apartment in the city last year. Ernest was taking a long break before starting his fourth novel.

He didn’t know much about what happened with Fang and Logan. He picked up a bit of gossip at the Blue Moon, though Owen shut down speculation, always quick to defend Alice.

He knew something had happened by the way she would stare out the window, lost in thought. A faraway look that sometimes made her tear up. He figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

Their love making was gentle and selfless. Each of them eager to please the other. He was tender, but also made his desire for her known. He only had eyes for her, even when they attended fancy parties with actresses and models.

She felt safe and secure. In turn, she treated their relationship like a fragile prize, something she would not take risks with. Something she would not take for granted.

Chapter 15: A Sandrock Wedding

Summary:

Alice returns to Sandrock seven years after she left.

When the train arrived, Jensen was there to greet them.

Ernest had been in Sandrock for another two years after Alice left and he came back frequently for photo ops and events, after all, his acclaimed novel was based on the town.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He said, looking at Alice with a warm smile.

"Jensen, it's so nice to see you." Alice gave him a hug.

"You two should get on over to the Blue Moon!."

They picked up their overnight bags and walked the short distance to the saloon. The wedding would be later this evening and tomorrow the reception.

It was already bustling with activity. Owen saw them and immediately ran over, giving Ernest a bear hug. "So glad you could make it, ol' pal!"

He turned to Alice "Wow...Alice..." Owen was misty eyed.

"Owen, why are you working on your wedding day?" Alice shook her head as she leaned in for a hug.

He let out a belly laugh, "Some things don't change, Alice!"

"You better not have Amirah lifting a finger." she teased.

"I wouldn't dare! Hey, head upstairs and drop off your stuff."

Alice turned to survey the room. She had been anxious ever since RSVP'ing to Owen and Amirah's wedding knowing she would have to see Logan. She was about to breathe a sigh of relief, when the door swung open. Logan looked exactly the same as she remembered. He saw her right away and they locked eyes.

Then Alice saw someone behind him, holding his hand.

She looked familiar, but Alice couldn’t place her at first.

Cheyenne.

Nurse Cheyenne.

What was this feeling inside of her, like something was squeezing her heart?

They walked the other direction into the main dining hall.

"We should probably head up and get ready." Ernest pulled Alice out of her trance.

"Oh, yes, good idea."

***

The service was at the Church of Light and Burgess oversaw the ceremony. To no one's surprise, Amirah was a stunning bride and Owen beamed with elation and shed a few tears.

There was an intimate cocktail party right outside of the church. Small high top tables covered with white linen and the landscape shrubbery adorned in string lights.

Grace had gone all out with a special drink menu for the occasion.

"Can I get you something?" Ernest asked.

"Yes, whatever sounds good." Alice answered.

She watched him walk towards the makeshift bar, only to be stopped by Cooper. It might be awhile until she got that drink.

"Hello, Alice."

She turned to find Logan standing there.

"Oh - hello." She was trying her best to keep her voice from wavering. "You look...well."

He let out a small laugh, "Well? I guess I'll take it."

She smiled, "I just mean...you haven't changed."

He paused at the comment, "If you mean my stunning good looks, then I suppose you're right. Just like you are still beautiful."

She looked down at her shoes, filled with an inundation of conflicting feelings.

"Sorry-didn't mean to make you uncomfortable" He said softly.

"No...if anything, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't sure if I should come. I didn't want my presence to distract from Owen and Amirah's big day."

"C'mon now, Alice, everyone is thrilled to see you. They wouldn't want it any other way."

"Logan?" Alice heard a woman's voice behind him.

Cheyenne approached with a look of apprehension. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Of course not!" Alice said a little too quickly causing her face to burn.

"Cheyenne, you remember Alice?" He put his arm around her and drew her closer to the table.

"Yes, how could I forget? Hi, Alice, it's nice to see you."

"You as well," Alice replied, trying to keep her voice light. That's when she caught a glimpse of something on Cheyenne's finger. It was a diamond ring in an intricate antique setting.

Cheyenne followed Alice's eyes, "Oh, I don't know if Logan mentioned in any of his letters that we got engaged."

Alice looked up, embarrassed she was caught, and then shifted her gaze to Logan.

He was looking at Cheyenne. "No, darlin', I hadn't mentioned it. Actually, I think the last letter I sent was before I proposed."

The word "darlin'" made Alice wince.

Before she could congratulate them, someone was clinking their glass as more joined in. Ernest came back with two drinks in his hand. He put them down and wrapped his arm around Alice's waist and gently kissed her cheek, "Sorry that took so long."

Logan's stance shifted. "Hey, Ern - nice of you to come."

"Logan! Cheyenne! It's great to be here!"

"I'd like to propose a toast!" Arvio's voice cut through the noise. "Here's to my lovely sister Amirah and the only man in town who could put up with her!"

Everyone laughed and Amirah glared at Arvio, but Owen picked her up and kissed her, which made everyone cheer.

"Well, I suppose it's time to turn in and save our energy for the big party tomorrow." Ernest remarked.

"How long are ya'll in town?" Cheyenne asked with a slight edge in her voice.

"We'll be on the last train tomorrow, after the reception" Alice replied, looking at Logan.

"Such a short visit!" Cheyenne said with a hint of insincerity.

"You're right, Ernest, lets head back." Alice slammed her drink and grabbed his hand.

"Oh, OK!, well goodnight you two, see you tomorrow!" Ernest exclaimed.

Chapter 16: Gone But Not Forgotten

Summary:

Ernest helps calm Alice's nerves. Will she get a chance to talk to Logan before she leaves? *NSFW*

When they got back into the room, Alice breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stand at that table after learning about the engagement.

Ernest came up from behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the nape of her neck. "Are you OK? You seemed tense out there."

Alice's heart sank. Ernest did not deserve to be put in this position, especially since he had no idea he was even IN a position.

She turned around and gave him a deep kiss. "I'm fine. Just a bit overwhelmed being back after so long."

"I know you were anxious about coming." He pushed her hair from her face. "It doesn't help that you upstaged the bride."

She slapped him gently on the arm "How could you even say that? Amirah is probably one of the most beautiful women in the Free Cities."

"To some..." Ernest drifted off. He started to kiss her neck and his hands slid down her back.

Alice closed her eyes.

Ernest ran his hand up the hem of her dress and pressed her most sensitive part with this thumb.

She let out a soft moan as he started rubbing it in a circular motion.

"Ernest..." she exhaled.

He pulled the waistband of her panties down and she felt his fingers caressing that same spot, gliding back and forth from the wetness.

She leaned into him. He walked her back against the wall with assertiveness that made her gasp.

Slipping his fingers between her folds, he slowly moved them in and out, all while watching her face change expressions.

"Would you like it if I took you like this?" He whispered in her ear.

Her head was spinning in desire. "Yes...please." She answered with a sound of desperation in her voice.

He removed his fingers and quickly undid his buckle, lowering his pants to grab his erection. He lifted up her legs, which she wrapped around his waist, and sunk deep inside of her.

She held the back of his head as his thrusts came faster and harder.

She jutted her hips out, trying to take him in even more, relishing in his relentless pursuit of an orgasm, pinned against the wall, under his complete control.

His animalistic grunts were bringing her to the brink of climaxing. He came with one last powerful thrust, his body shaking. She was panting and stroking his hair.

He kept his grip and threw her on the bed.

"You didn't come." He said. "Turn over."

Alice rolled on to her stomach and felt Ernest gently unzipping her dress. She pulled the straps of her shoulders and he slipped it all the way down along with her panties. He unclasped her bra and then nudged her to turnover onto her back again.

He took her arms and placed them above her head by her biceps, lowering his face down to her breasts to lick and suck each nipple. Alice writhed beneath him, feeling the warmth building between her legs again.

He kissed his way down her body and brought his hands to her knees, pushing them open. He dragged his tongue slowly up and down her soft, wet folds.

Splaying his hand on her lower belly, he used his thumb again on that same sensitive spot now throbbing and hard.

Her moans became louder and more vocal as his motions quickened.

The buildup started at her toes and rushed through her body like an electric current.

Her orgasm was spastic. Her body sank into the bed as he kissed his way back up, laying his head on her chest, his arm slung over her stomach.

As her breath evened out, something felt different. Gone was the nagging worry, self doubt and fear. Peacefulness washed over her and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

***

The reception was at Catori World. Much like the end of the year celebration, long tables were set up and a bonfire was going. The invitation said it was island themed and everyone had on bright colors. Mi-an and Nia made flower necklaces for everyone. Amirah and Owen had floral crowns.

Alice chose a tasteful one piece bathing suit with a gold flecked sarong. She liked being able to hide underneath her big straw hat and sunglasses.

As they walked up to the party, Ernest ran his hand up her leg “Light, you are sexy”

She eyed him, “Behave.” she said in a playful voice.

He grinned and went off to join a group gathered by outdoor games Catori had set up.

Alice found a set of lounge chairs and settled in to watch the festivities.

“Alice!”

She looked up to see Andy standing in front of her - “Wow, it’s really you.”

She barely recognized him. Now 18 years old, the last photo she had of him was a few years ago. He was taller than Logan but still lanky.

“Andy…” She stood up and hugged him.

A wave of guilt swept through her. She was just one more person that deserted him as a boy. Disappearing in the middle of the night. She closed her eyes and held him tighter.

“Owen said you’d be here, but I didn’t believe him. I had to finish my exams so I wasn’t able to make it until today.”

She smiled weakly. “How’s school going?”

“Great! Can you believe I’m actually a good student?”

“Actually, no, Andy! You were a very bright boy.” She answered.

He grinned.

“I’m gonna be the best man in Logan and Cheyenne’s wedding.” he beamed.

Her eyes softened, “and the best best man there ever was.”

“Have you seen them? I should go say hello. It was great to see you, Alice!”

And like that, he ran off.

She hoped she was overestimating her effect on the younger Andy. She hoped Logan spun a story to protect him from the truth. She hoped time had healed old wounds.

The party went on until nightfall and ended with a fireworks display. A group was headed to the Blue Moon afterwards and their train wasn’t leaving for several hours, so Ernest convinced Alice to go.

***

Alice’s social meter was drained. Ernest was caught up in talking about his new book, so she used the opportunity to slip outside for some air.

She opened the door out to the deck.

As she went to close it behind her, she looked up to see Logan sitting on the couch.

“Oh!” She yelped.

“Talking is tiring, ain’t it?”

She sighed and smiled, “That it is.”

He patted the seat next to him and scooted over. She hesitated and then joined him.

“How are things in Atara?” he asked.

“They’re good.” She replied.

“Just ‘good’?” He chided.

“Yes, I mean, I’m happy. I want for nothing. It was a good place to….start over.”

It was quiet again.

“Ernest, huh?”

She looked at him. He was smiling.

“Small world, isn’t it?” She responded.

He laughed, “That it is.”

The cool desert air sent a slight shiver down her spine.

Logan took his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“Thanks” she said sheepishly. “I should have packed something warmer.”

“I’m glad you came,” He said softly.

She didn’t know what to say.

“Can I ask you something?”

She looked at him and nodded.

“Did you…really love me?”

His question caught her off guard. She could hear her heart thumping, though she wasn’t totally sure why.

“Yes, Logan. I loved you before I knew that I loved you.”

His eyes misted over and he looked away from her.

“I don’t know why I needed to know that, but I did.”

She nodded in understanding.

Tears started rolling down her cheeks.

“Please don’t cry, darlin’.”

He put his hand to her face, wiping the tears gently with his thumb.

“You’re even beautiful when you’re sad.”

She cried harder, covering her face with her hands.

He drew her in, shushing her.

She let herself sink into his chest, trying to reign in her sobs.

This was all too familiar, like no time had passed. But instead of it feeling warm and nostalgic, it was sharp and painful.

She pulled away gently and looked up at him.

“I really am happy for you and Cheyenne. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me.”

His face fell.

She wanted to hold him, but she knew better.

This was the closure they needed, the tying of loose ends that should have happened seven years ago before she got on the train.

Yes, it is possible to have enormous, overwhelming feelings for someone, but know it’s tied to a past that doesn’t exist anymore.

There are a million what-ifs, just like there was back then and just like there will be in the future.

They sat in silence.

“I should probably head back in.” Alice said.

“Yep...me too.

They stood up at the same time and turned to one another.

“I feel like I’m never going to see you again.” he said

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” she said looking up at him.

“Maybe.”

He headed towards the door.

“Logan?”

“Hmm?” He turned around.

“I just want you to know that I’m sorry for how things ended. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to say that to you in person. It’s one of the biggest mistakes of my life...”

He looked at her. “I forgive you, Alice. I forgave you a long time ago.”

She held his stare. “Thank you.”

He gave her a slight nod, turned towards the door, and didn’t look back.

Chapter 17: Seesai Surprise

Summary:

Alice and Ernest go on a multi-city book tour. First stop: Seesai.

We're approaching the end of this story. If you've stuck around this long, thank you!

Three years after Owen and Amirah’s wedding, Ernest was about to go on a multi-city tour for his most recent book. Alice had joined him years ago the first time he did it and would be doing so again.

Jim and Maude had hired two builders and Alice only took occasional commissions.

Due to scheduling, they had to break up the trip into two parts.

The first leg of the trip was to fly to Seesai, then a boat to Vega5 and on to Portia, then a train to Sandrock. They would return to Atara for a week and then start the western part of the tour.

She and Ernest had decided long ago not to have children. Ernest had never wanted them and Alice was on the fence. She always figured she would go along with whatever her spouse wanted when the time came. At 35, she certainly could if she changed her mind, but she didn’t envision that happening.

Ernest’s success meant they never had to worry about money and they traveled quite a bit in between books.

She was looking forward to this long trip, to see old friends and discover new places.

Seesai was a mystery to most people. It was hard and expensive to get to and they didn’t seem to need or want tourists. But Ernest’s fame was enough to gain entry and they had been more than willing to make arrangements for his book signings.

The largest event would take place in their famous private library, which contained some of the world’s oldest known documents. Even the building itself was a historical landmark, resembling a palace. For this rare occasion, it would be open to the public.

Alice had grown accustomed to high fashion in Atara. While personally she could care less, being in the public eye meant she had to put in effort. After a while, it got easier and sometimes it was even fun.

For the library event, Alice found a gold pleated skirt with a top layer of gold tulle that tied in the back into a big satin bow. It fell to her mid-calf which gave a better view of her gold sparkly heels. Her top was a simple, ivory silk blouse to offset the fanciness of her lower half.

Ernest decided to wear a gold tie so they would match, which Alice found charming.

The library was as everyone had said, a breathtaking space, with stained glass windows and marble floors. Two spiral staircases lead up to the second level where they had set up a place for Ernest to sit and sign books.

Alice knew the drill. She barely ever spoke with Ernest at these events, mostly staying out of the way. Today she was excited to walk around the library figuring this would be her one and only chance to do so.

The bookcases were almost as high as the ceilings, each with a ladder that slid back and forth on a runner. Only people that worked at the library were allowed to use them.

She made her way down the stairs and roamed each section, pulling out something that caught her eye and then moving on.

At the end of each aisle, she would peek to make sure she didn’t run into anyone.

As she was about to turn down a new aisle, she almost bumped into someone.

She looked up to apologize.

“Hello, Alice.”

Fang looked down at her with a soft smile.

Alice blinked several times, her brain unable to process the person in front of her.

…Fang?” She uttered.

Before he could answer, a child’s voice rang out “Daddy!” And suddenly a little girl, no more than three or four years old, wrapped her arms around his leg.

“Daddy! I can’t find mommy!”

Alice was thrown further into a state of confusion and the word “mommy” reverberated in her ears.

“My little dove, do not worry, just stay with me and she will find us.”

The little girl looked up at Alice, eyes grey, just like Fang’s.

“Daddy, who is that?”

He looked at Alice, “Minori, this is my friend, Miss Alice. Say hello.”.

Minori stared at Alice “Hello.” she said in a tiny voice.

Alice broke eye contact with Fang, “Hello, Minori, it’s nice to meet you.”

The girl smiled shyly and buried her head into Fang’s leg.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alice could see someone approaching them. A woman, almost as tall as Fang, got closer. Her hair was midnight black, in a loose braid that went past her shoulders. Her eyes were almost as dark as her hair, which made her pale skin seem translucent. She looked like a ballerina, delicate features and a slender body that seemed to float above the ground.

Strapped to her was a baby.

“Minori, mommy told you not to wander too far.”

She looked at Alice. Fang turned to her. “Lanea, this is Alice. She is an old friend from Sandrock.”

Lanea gave her a warm smile “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, Alice! Fang rarely talks about his time in Sandrock.”

“It’s…nice to meet you too.” Alice managed to reply.

“Fang, we should get going soon. The library is starting to get crowded because of the book signing and I need to feed Jian.” She looked down at the sleeping baby, “You should take Alice to the teahouse by the clinic and catch up.”

Fang looked at Alice “Are you available tomorrow?”

Alice nodded, “Yes, I’m free in the afternoon.”

Fang wrote the address down on a piece of paper and handed it to Alice. “See you at noon then.”

She nodded again.

“I’m sorry we have to run, but again, it was so nice to meet you.” Lanea turned, heading for the exit..

Fang took Minori’s hand. “Goodbye, Alice.”

“Goodbye.”

As they started to walk away, Alice heard Minori ask Fang “Is she a princess??”

Fang let out a small chuckle, “No my little dove, she is just Miss Alice.”

***

When the event was over, Ernest found Alice sitting at one of the long tables downstairs in a study room.

“Whew, sorry, that took longer than expected. Are you OK? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Ernest frowned.

“Actually…Fang was here.” She replied.

“Dr. Fang?” Ernest asked, a confused look on his face.

“Yes…he was here with his family.”

“Wow…well, that was a nice surprise!” he remarked.

“Uh huh. We are meeting for tea tomorrow. To catch up.”

“That’s great! Beats coming to another one of these things with no one to talk to.”

She nodded, head still partially in the clouds from that brief encounter. Nervousness started to creep in as she thought about their reunion.

***

The tea house was almost as beautiful as the library. It looked like a greenhouse, filled with cherry blossoms, tiger lilies and hydrangea. A man made stream ran down the center of the room, providing a relaxing soundtrack of running water. Fang was already there when Alice arrived, sitting at a small two person table, reading a book. He looked stoic.

The sun filtered through the window behind him, giving him an angelic radiance. He was still beguiling.

He looked up as she approached and stood.

They walked towards each other and when they stopped, Fang leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. She closed her eyes at the feel of his soft lips.

“Hi.” she managed.

He gestured towards the other chair.

“What would you like to drink?” He asked.

“Please order for me. I’m sure whatever you choose will be delightful.”

He smiled, finding a waitress and telling her what they wanted.

“Wow…it’s really you.” She sighed, squinting her eyes.

He looked at her and tilted his head. “You have not changed.”

She wasn’t sure what to make of that statement, “Thank you?”

“It is…a good thing.” He replied.

Silence.

The waitress returned with two tea cups and two matching pots. Each had intricate floral patterns and were crafted from fine china.

Alice looked down and saw rose petals swimming in hers. The scent from the steam was soothing. Just breathing it in brought a calmness in her chest.

“I hope you like it.” Fang said as he went to sip his tea.

The flavor was simple, but like nothing she’d ever tasted before. It had a bit of sweetness, but also muskiness from some unknown herb.

“It’s wonderful, thank you.”

They sat quietly. Alice couldn’t bring herself to look at him, so instead, took in her surroundings.

“I am sorry I never wrote to you again.” Fang’s voice brought her attention back to him. “I needed time to heal. Then so much time had passed, it felt too late.”

She nodded, “I understand.”

“I saw you in the paper once. With Ernest.” He remarked. “It is nice you found one another again.”

She gave him a small smile, “Yes, it’s funny how things work out sometimes. And you…a family…” Alice’s statement drifted off unfinished.

“Yes. I am very tired. But I am blessed that Lanea has given me two healthy, beautiful children.”

Alice looked down at her tea, swirling the petals slowly with her spoon.

“How did you two meet?” Alice asked, looking up again.

“I hired her to be my nurse. After some time, we fell in love and got married.”

“I’m happy for you, Fang.”

He looked at her, trying to confirm her sincerity, “Thank you, Alice.”

“How are things in Atara?”

“Things are good. We live in the city's center. I’ve been working at the same place for nearly ten years.”

“You do not want children?”

She didn’t answer right away, feeling a bit annoyed by the inquiry, but then remembered that Fang wasn’t asking her to pry or judge.

“Ernest never wanted children and I don’t feel strongly one way or another, so…no.”

“I see.” He replied.

“As long as you are happy.”

She gazed at him, her heart suddenly feeling heavy.

“I am happy.” She said in an even tone.

“Good.” He took another sip of tea.

“Do you keep in touch with anyone in Sandrock?” He asked.

This time the question seemed less innocent and her cheeks started to burn.

“If you mean Logan, then no.”

Silence fell on them once again. She knew this brief meeting was hardly enough time to catch one another up on the past decade. And even if they did have time, would they want to? She felt foolish for assuming Fang would never recover from her deceit, that he would die alone, forever suffering. That blind foolishness was also making it hard for her to see him with a wife and kids.

“Perhaps too much time has passed…” Fang remarked thoughtfully, “we are two very different people now.”

She nodded, feeling tears starting to form.

“I am happy you found love.” She said, barely above a whisper.

“So am I.” He replied. “I need to get back home so Lanea can rest. Caring for two young children can be…overwhelming.”

She smiled, “I bet.”

“I hope you enjoy your time in Seesai. I am glad our paths crossed.”

“Me too.”

They both stood. Fang took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her and she hugged him back. They stayed like this for a moment.

“You will always be my first love, Alice. You are the reason I was able to find love again.”

The tears started flowing down her cheeks. He held her even more tightly, then let go.

“Goodbye, Alice.”

“Goodbye, Fang.”

Chapter 18: Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

Summary:

Alice heads back to Sandrock three years after Amirah and Owen's wedding. What will happen when she sees a now married Logan?

The rest of the trip leading up to Sandrock had been uneventful. Each day, Alice’s heart hurt less. Fang was a happily married father of two. She had not ruined his life.

However, that feeling was replaced by nervous anticipation of once again having to see Logan. Three years is a long time, but not enough to forget their last conversation at the Blue Moon.

Since then, Logan and Cheyenne had gotten married. Mi-an, Nia and Grace had all sent letters that mentioned it. Alice was not looking forward to interacting with her again, though she hoped now that Cheyenne was his wife, the latter would harbor less ill will. She doesn’t know what Logan has told her about them, but it was clear to Alice that Cheyenne felt threatened.

In a way, that made Alice happy.

Sandrock had grown a lot since she left and it looked even more unfamiliar this time around. But it didn’t take long to feel at home when they walked into the saloon, welcomed by familiar sounds and faces.

There still wasn’t a library aside from the space in city hall, so Ernest’s book signing would be in the museum, which now had a small art gallery attached. Owen insisted on catering and Mi-an and Nia offered to decorate.

A casual gathering at the Blue Moon was set for the evening they arrived.

“I’m going to head down!” Ernest called through the bathroom door while Alice was still getting ready. “Do you want me to get you a drink?”

“Sure, a glass of red wine please and thank you!” Alice listened to his footsteps walking away and went back to doing her make-up in the mirror. She had started over twice, once because she thought she had too much eyeliner on and another time because she didn’t like the shade of lipstick she had picked.

This is just a get together at the freakin’ Blue Moon, she thought to herself. Get a fucking grip!

Alice could hear Coogo doing a mic check and hurriedly adjusted her hair for the last time.

The bar was crowded. She spotted Ernest talking to Qi with two glasses of wine in his hands.

“I’ll take one of those.” Alice said, lifting the glass out of his hand and giving him a peck on the cheek.

She did not want to get caught up in their conversation, so she found Mi-an and Nia at a nearby table.

They pulled up a seat and she sat down, happy to be amongst friends.

They were the only two people who knew what happened before she left Sandrock.

“If you’re looking for Logan, he just showed up.” Nia nodded towards the door.

Alice turned to see him heading straight for the bar.

He was alone.

“Where’s Cheyenne?” Alice inquired.

“I heard she went to Atara for some kind of medical conference.” Mi-an responded casually.

“Oh.” Alice tried to sound nonchalant.

Mi-an and Nia exchanged glances, which Alice ignored.

She stayed for a while, chatting with her friends. Ernest would come by and drop off another glass of wine and kiss her on the head.

“Hard to believe Ernest turned out to be such a catch,” Nia said playfully.

“Seriously, Alice - you got a good one,” Mi-an chimed in.

“Yeah…he’s all right.” She replied with a grin.

The room started to thin and Mi-an and Nia eventually left. They had been talking for a couple of hours. Alice hadn’t even noticed how much time had gone by.

“Hey, I’m going to head up. If I stay down here any longer, Owen is going to get me plastered.” Ernest put his hands on Alice’s shoulders.

“OK, I might have one more glass of wine,” she replied, looking up at him.

“Take your time. Feel free to skip the signing tomorrow. I’m the one who is here for work, not you.” He kissed her cheek and walked towards the stairs.

Alice watched him go up the stairs and as she lowered her gaze, she saw Logan sitting at the end of the bar.

She stood up and walked over.

“Is this seat taken?”

Logan looked up and his eyes lit up, making Alice’s heart jump.

“Yes, it is actually. By you.”

He pulled the bar stool out for her.

Alice noticed several empty shot glasses in front of him and could smell the smokiness of whiskey on his breath. In the time she had known him, Logan rarely got drunk. Sure, he liked to drink, but he never went overboard.

Growing up with a father whose coping mechanism was the bottle probably had something to do with it.

“Doing OK?” She asked, concerned.

“Who meeee?” He was slurring slightly “Don’t you worry your pretty lil’ head about me, darlin.” “Owen, hit me with another!”

She exchanged looks with Owen, who seemed to be trying to tell her something with just his eyes.

“OK partner.” He brought over a bottle and poured another shot.

“To Alice!” Logan shouted before downing it.

“Logan, this isn’t like you. What’s wrong?”

His head dropped.

“She left me,” Logan mumbled.

Alice didn’t understand. “Who left you? Cheyenne? I thought she was at a medical conference?”

Logan scoffed, “She is, but she ain’t comin’ back.”

Alice was confused. What was he saying?

“Where is she going?”

Logan turned to her, “Who knows. She’s gone and that’s that.”

Alice sat bewildered, so many questions swirling around in her head. In that moment she also realized how tipsy she was. How many glasses of wine had Ernest brought her?

“Do a shot with me.” He muttered.

“Logan, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh c’mon, Alice, it’s one stinkin’ shot.”

His voice had an edge to it.

“OK.” she agreed.

“Owen, bring me and the lady a round!”

Owen shot Alice a look and she nodded, trying to let him know she understood the situation.

“To Alice!” Logan yelled out, slamming the shot. This time he turned the glass over and put it on the bar.

“Lets get out of here.”

Alice didn’t like where this was headed, but she also wanted to take advantage of his willingness to leave the bar. She decided she would walk him the short distance home and make sure he got in alright.

He slid off the barstool and stuck out his elbow for her to take. Instead, she held his elbow to keep him from stumbling.

She gave Owen one last meaningful look before helping Logan out the door.

They didn’t say anything as they walked up the path towards his house. The air gave her a little jolt of sobriety and even Logan seemed less out of it.

As they approached his door, he suddenly took her by the shoulders and pushed her up against the wall.

Forcefully kissing her, she tried to push him away.

“Alice, you smell so good.”

He started to kiss her neck and she felt his hand lifting up her skirt.

“No, Logan, you don’t know what you’re doing. Stop this right now.” She pushed harder, but also felt warmth building between her legs.

He stopped abruptly, shaking his head. “I didn’t get there in time.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked, trying to catch her breath.

“I couldn’t stop that no good piece of shit from touchin’ you.” He looked up with tears in his eyes. “If only I had been there five minutes earlier…”

She didn’t say anything. Why was he bringing this up now, after all of this time?

“Logan…that’s all in the past. You didn’t do anything wrong. You saved me, remember?”

He looked away. “No, I was too late.”

She knew this was the alcohol talking, but somewhere inside of his mind he had been thinking about it and she couldn’t understand why.

There was no point in trying to solve the mystery now. She needed to get him into the house.

She tried the doorknob and felt a deep sense of relief when it turned. The house was dark and eerily quiet. She held his hand and pulled him behind her.

There was no way he was going to make it up the stairs, so she got him to lie down on the couch. She pulled a blanket over him and took his hat off. She looked at him, his eyelids starting to droop.

As she stood up, he grabbed her wrist.

“Please don’t go.”

She didn’t turn around, but she couldn’t bring herself to tear away from his grip.

“Please, Alice.”

His voice was clearer than it had been in the bar. Softer.

Her breath quickened and her palms started to sweat.

“You’re the reason she left.”

Alice whipped around, yanking her wrist free, “what are you talking about?!”

Logan sighed, “I dream about you all the time. I guess I talk in my sleep…”

She waited for him to continue, heart pounding.

“Apparently I would call out your name. This went on for sometime. Before she left for the conference she told me. Said she couldn’t stay married to a man who loved someone else.”

Alice was shocked. She saw the pain in Logan’s eyes and wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t move.

“The thing is…I didn’t argue, didn’t try to convince her to stay. I realized I wasn’t in love with her.”

Alice’s body was now trembling. Too many thoughts were colliding into one another as she tried to keep her composure.

“Then it hit me that I was never gonna be able to truly move on from you and that meant I would die alone. I would live out the nightmare I’ve been having since I lost my Pa.”

Tears started rolling down her face. He looked up at her, face twisted in anguish.

“Logan…I am really sorry about Cheyenne. This…this is all so overwhelming and we aren’t in the right state to talk,” Alice was surprised she could string words together. “Can I come back tomorrow?”

Logan nodded.

Alice sighed in relief. “OK, good. I will see you tomorrow then.”

He closed his eyes and she waited until he fell asleep.

Chapter 19: It Ain't Over Til It's Over

Summary:

Alice agreed to meet up with Logan to talk about what happened with Cheyenne. But will it end up being a conversation about them? *NSFW*

The following morning, she and Ernest were both hungover.

There was a knock at the door and then someone slipped something underneath.

Ernest walked over and picked it up.

“What is it?” Alice asked, trying not to sound panicked.

“It’s a telegram. The mayor of Portia asked if I would come to an event they’re having tonight.” He continued to read it to himself. “I guess I could take the bus and then come back tomorrow…would that be all right?” He looked up at her.

“Of course.” She replied.

“Guess I should get moving then, so I can make that first bus.” Ernest disappeared into the bathroom.

Alice thought about her visit to Logan’s. At least now she wouldn’t have to worry about how much time she spent there.

She replayed their conversation from last night and recalled the look on Logan’s face. It nearly broke her. A nervousness stirred in the pit of her stomach.

Ernest emerged, freshly showered with damp hair. A towel wrapped around his waist, he walked over to Alice’s side of the bed.

“I could also just stay here in bed with you all day,” he said with a sly smile. He pulled the blanket off Alice.

She had slept in the nude and the cool air hit her skin. She let out a yelp.

Ernest removed the towel and laid on top of her. His body was warm.

“So beautiful…” He murmured, running his hand down her side.

Alice closed her eyes. The only thing she could picture was Logan. Logan’s hands. Logan’s breath. Logan pressing against her, gazing into her eyes with desire and desperation.

“You’re going to miss that bus!” Alice pushed him gently.

“Ughhhh…OK…” Ernest kissed her quickly and got up..

Alice felt guilty, but she didn’t want to let on that something was wrong.

“Well, I’m all set. Order room service! Maybe stay exactly where you’re at until I get back tomorrow night.” Ernest gave her a wink and walked out of the door.

***

Alice took a long shower. When she got out, she scanned her clothing options. It was exceptionally hot in Sandrock, so she had packed mostly dresses and skirts. She chose the most plain dress out of the bunch, though it was still short with a square neckline. She observed herself in the mirror. A part of her knew it didn’t matter what she wore today. He would look at her the same way; like she wasn’t wearing anything.

She knocked on the door and at first, there was no answer. Rambo was tied up to the post, so she gave him a gentle pet on the nose. As she went to knock again, Logan opened the door.

“Hi.” She gave him a little smile.

He looked much better than yesterday. He had showered and shaved, his hair still damp. His button up shirt was open revealing his bare chest. He had a sheepish look on his face.

“Come on in.” He opened the door wider and she stepped in.

“Hey, I need to go to the old hideout for some things. I thought it might be a better place to talk too. We can ride Rambo out there.” He sounded relaxed.

“Oh…sure, why not.”

“Great, let me get him saddled up.”

They rode out towards the Valley of Whispers. She hadn’t been to the hideout since she lived there.

Riding on the back of Rambo felt familiar. She tried not to hold on to Logan too tightly, though the galloping pace over the uneven path made it hard not to.

It looked exactly how she remembered it. She sat on one of the benches as Logan started a fire.

“I’ll be right back.” He went off towards his old room.

She didn’t want to ask why he needed to come here. Or if it was a lie.

He came back and sat on the other bench, perpendicular to hers.

“So…uh. I’m really sorry about last night. I don’t remember all that was said, but I apologize for my behavior.” He looked at her with a sad expression on his face.

“It’s OK, Logan. It seems like it’s been a rough couple of days.”

He grimaced, considering what he might have shared.

“Where’s Ernest?”

“He was invited to Portia last minute…He’ll be back tomorrow night.” She replied, trying to sound casual.

The words hung in the air.

He got up and sat next to her. She silently told herself to just breathe.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asked quietly, placing his hand on hers “We don’t have to do anythin’. I…just wanna hold ya.”

She swallowed, letting his question sink in. She thought back to earlier that morning when Ernest was naked on top of her and all she could think about was Logan.

She had been faithful to Ernest their entire relationship. This shouldn’t be some big accomplishment, but she was determined not to make the same mistakes she had with Fang. Plus, it had been easy. She had never once been tempted even though she had met plenty of people over the years through her work and Ernest’s network. No one captured her attention or piqued her interest.

They also had incredible chemistry. He more than satisfied her physical needs. She always felt loved and desired.

But sex with Logan was an entirely different beast, unlike any encounter she’d ever had. It was all consuming and chaotic, passionate and carnal. There was no denying their connection. It would never change. And it wasn’t just sex. They cared for each other deeply after all they’d been through. They understood one another in ways no one could relate to. It wasn’t just a shared past.

This meant the only thing that kept them apart all these years were the miles between Sandrock and Atara. Even though it was a train ride away, it was enough to prevent them from giving in to temptation.

Now the only thing that could stop the inevitable was Alice’s answer.

Logan curled his fingers around her hand, but said nothing.

“Yes. I will spend the night with you.”

She turned to look at him. His face relaxed, a peacefulness washed over his expression. He brought his hand up to her face and she tilted her head to rest her cheek on his palm.

He took her by the hand again, pulling her up and leading her towards his room.

He pulled down the blankets and walked to the other side of the bed. Wordlessly, he looked at her and started to undress.

She did the same.

They got into bed and he pulled her in, making her the little spoon.

He was already hard.

They laid there like this for a long time, listening to each other’s breathing. The heat of their bodies under the blankets, creating a sauna-like feel.

They fell asleep.

Alice awoke, trying to figure out where she was. It took a moment for her to get her bearings. She squeezed her eyes and then took in the feel of Logan’s arms around her.

She slowly turned around and he stirred. She watched him sleep and glided her finger across his slightly parted lips. His eyes fluttered open. He pulled her in closer. Every inch of their bodies touching.

He kissed her gently. She closed her eyes and sighed from how feather soft it felt. Her insides were on fire, but she wanted this moment to last.

They held each other and kissed for a long time. No roaming hands, no subtle movement of the hips, nothing suggestive. Sometimes their tongues would come together or she would lightly suck his lower lip.

He started to kiss her face, still with tenderness. He nibbled her ear and moved on to kiss her neck. She ran her hand up and down his back with long, soothing strokes.

His erection was subtly poking the gap between her legs, bringing an electric chill down her spine.

She loved how protected she felt, as if his body were an impenetrable shield. Everywhere her hands ventured it was met with muscle, solid and hard.

He could take her whenever he wanted, as many times as he wanted and she would love it every time.

Logan brought her hand between her legs. While looking at her, he took himself into his hands and started to stroke his erection slowly.

She rubbed her fingers across her folds.

They stared into one another’s eyes.

Each of them touched themselves with more urgency, breathing becoming erratic, both incredibly turned on watching the other, trying to gauge how close they were to climaxing.

He came first, letting out a guttural moan, but kept his eyes trained on hers.

Her orgasm came quickly afterwards, her body tensing up and then shuddering as the feeling subsided.

He pulled her in. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart becoming less intense.

***

There was no way to know what time it was in the caves.

Alice knew even if they had been there overnight, she had the rest of the day to get back to the Blue Moon before Ernest.

Ernest.

She felt certain that she would be content going back to Atara with him and continuing to live their life as they had been. It would be hard at first, but thoughts of Logan would slowly fade, just as they had every other time.

This wasn’t a matter of writing out a pros and cons list. Each of them had their good and their bad and there was no sense in comparing them.

It was the consequences of her choice. She had grossly overestimated her impact on Fang’s future love life. Not to say that he escaped unscathed, but he found happiness. Then again, there was no way to predict what kind of impact she would have when this was all said and done.

Ten years ago, she chose neither. Eventually, she and Fang had moved on and married other people, while Logan stayed in Sandrock, taking care of Andy, living in the house he grew up in.

When Logan said he hadn’t felt like this about anyone before, he meant it. And he still means it. He is not trying to be with anyone else. He does not view the situation as something you move on from. Instead, it's like he has accepted a death wish.

It’s not that his devotion to her would solve every problem, but she would know in his heart that he considered her with every decision he made about his own life. He didn’t care to even try to find something like what they had, as if he knew that was impossible.

“Hungry?” Logan emerged with two plates of food.

She smiled, “Famished.”

They stayed in bed to eat their meals, not wanting to disrupt the little cocoon they had created.

“Any idea what time it is?” She asked.

“Sun is about to come up, maybe 5:30 or so?” He answered between bites. “When does Ernest get back?

“I think 7 or 8 tonight.” She replied, calculating the hours they had left.

They continued eating in silence.

When they were done, Logan took their plates, setting them to the side. He crawled back into bed and took her into his arms.

“Mmmmmm.” He sighed.

“I love you, Alice.”

“I love you, Logan.”

He squeezed her tighter.

They had sex as if it might be their last time, as if the world was ending. Each movement came with a feeling of desperation, like they could somehow fuck their way out of this situation.

But in that frenzy was also the desire to draw things out. To linger in the touch and scent of each other’s skin. Both of them wanted to bring the other pleasure, marking their territory, imprinting an image of their bodies in their brains so they couldn’t forget.

They used every part of that room, the bed, the wall, the floor. Even after they climaxed, they continued to caress, fondle, kiss.

This went on for hours until both of them were overcome with exhaustion. Still they clung to one another, catching their breath.

Alice was the first one to get up, searching for her clothes and putting each article on when she found it. Logan sat up in bed and watched her.

“Can you and Rambo drop me off near the Valley of Whispers? I’d like to walk the rest of the way.

“Whatever you want, darlin’”

They rode out, past Catori World and up the incline until they reached the train tracks. Logan helped her down from the saddle and they faced one another holding hands.

“I’m glad we had this time together.” Logan said.

“Me too.” Alice was having a hard time looking at him.

He lifted her chin up, “Let me get a look at those eyes before you go.”, but instead, gently kissed her.

“Goodbye, Logan.”

He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them, then got back on to Rambo, tipped his hat towards her, and rode towards town.

Chapter 20: Epilogue

Summary:

Thanks to everyone who followed along! I have another finished work that I will start to post chapter by chapter.

“Let's get her mountain roses!” The little boy pulled on his father’s hand, pointing to a large bucket. He had his father’s eyes and his mother’s hair.

Dragging him towards them, his father let out a laugh, “Hold yer horses!”

The little boy gathered a bunch and shoved them into his father’s hands. “Hurry up and buy ‘em!”

They walked back to the house, holding hands. The boy beamed with pride at his choice as he held the bouquet tightly.

“Be careful now, don’t want to drop ‘em before we get back” his father chided.

“I won’t!” the boy yelled adamantly.

As they reached the door to the gate, the boy broke loose and ran to the backyard.

His mother was on the porch swing with her eyes closed.

“Mommy, mommy, look what I got you!”

She opened her eyes. “How beautiful! Did you pick these out yourself?”

“I did! Daddy didn’t do anything!”

She laughed and saw the boy’s father coming around the corner.

They looked at one another and smiled. He knelt down beside her and took off his hat. “How are you feelin’, darlin'?”

“A bit tired, but it’s not as bad as when I was pregnant with Howlett,” She patted her stomach.

“Good.” he put his hand over hers,

“Ain’t gonna lie…I hope it’s a girl.”

“Me too.”