Theraprism: The Best Therapy in the Galaxy

by Maymin24

Summary:

The collector gets captured by AXOLOTL and is sent to therapism for causing chaos throughout the universe, where they meet Bill, a patient (inmate) that’s been there for years

Notes:

Table of Uncontentment

Chapter One Theraprism Welcomes a New Patient!; Complete
Chapter Two: Puppet Hour Turns Sour; Incomplete

Chapter 1: Theraprism Welcomes a New Patient!

The Collector didn’t know how they got here. He was just checking in on his puppets when he was suddenly transported out to this strange place. It seemed to be a pocket dimension, resembling deep space, with endless starry skies and not a living thing inside except for.. it.

The strange, ginormous…pink axolotl? With frilly gills and eyes that seemed to have galaxies swirling inside, it seemed to have an ancient presence, as if it had been around for eternity. Its frills and limbs moved as if it was swimming in midair. 

Wait, there was no way the Collector was seeing this right. A giant, pink axolotl floating in this strange dimension? Then again, it wasn’t the strangest thing they had seen in their lifetime.

Suddenly, the axolotl spoke in a loud, booming voice, “Greetings child, I am the Axolotl.”

“Wh-why am I here, what’s going on?” the Collector asked nervously.

The Axolotl began “Well Collector, I am going to get straight to the point, your actions have caused catastrophic disasters across multiple realities, and that was thousands of years before you were freed. But now, the Boiling Isles incident is the last straw.”

“Hey wait!”, the Collector interjected, “What do you mean ‘catastrophic across multiple realities’?! I’ve barely done anything!”

“You don’t believe me, well then let me just remind you. You turned a galaxy into a merry go round, you played ‘soccer’ with a red giant and caused multiple solar systems to be destroyed. You stole an ancient, powerful staff used millions of years ago for mass destruction on a galactic level as a back scratcher, and not last or least, the time you turned 5 galaxies into a food known as ‘pizza bagels’ and ate them.”

“But that was thousands of years ago!”, the Collector protested, “I don’t do stuff like that anymore.”

“Your actions do not reflect your words Collector.” Axolotl sighed, “You aren’t going to change your mind, goodnight.”

”What do you mean goodnight I’m not going to sle-“ the Collector was going to ask before a yawn escaped his throat and he rubbed his eyes with his fists. 

”W-what’s happening.” the Collector yawned out sleepily.”

”Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious.” Axolotl answered reassuringly, “You’ll just go into a cosmic sleep for a little bit, you’ll be awake in a year or two.”

”Wait wha-“ the Collector managed to say before they collapsed onto the floor, sound asleep.

 

---

ONE YEAR LATER

---

The Collector woke up from their long sleep and stretched their arms and legs. They got up off the floor of what appeared to be a padded cell, like the ones from the insane asylums he had seen in movies. There was nothing in the cell except for a bed stuck to the wall. The Collector took out their pointer finger and aimed it towards the wall, attempting to blast the it to pieces. But, their powers didn’t work.

”Your powers don’t work in Theraprism.”, a monotone voice boomed from seemingly nowhere, ”There is no use trying to escape, all weapons and contraband were also confiscated off your person before you arrived, so don’t try anything Collector.”

“What is Theraprism?” the Collector asked.

“Theraprism is a neutral zone located outside of time and space with the purpose of rehabilitation of deities or beings of immense power before their reincarnation, although the Axolotl seems to have made an exception for you, seeing as you haven’t died…yet.”

”How lucky for me.” the Collector thought to himself.

Then, the Collector remembered what the voice had said about contraband, and checked to see if he still had everything he had on his person before he passed out, and if any of it would be useful. He rummaged through his robes, finding, to his dismay, that his magic gun from his version of ‘laser tag’ was gone.

He was relieved to find that his necklace King gave him was still there. King said it was a ‘normal necklace’, but he knew it was one of those telepathy ones that the Oracle Coven used. Why King gave this to them, well, they weren’t sure. However, he still accepted it, it was a gift after all. It would be rude not to, especially since King gave it to him. King was his new best friend. He’d never ever wanna upset his best friend. He was glad he took it, though he tried not to show it in fear that something was watching him. He did not know how the necklace had gotten past inspection, perhaps since it wasn’t currently active its magic was not detected.

The Collector was on edge. Even though he saw no surveillance tools, he still felt as if something was watching him. At least now they had some contact with the outside world, some hope of escaping, even if he got no response. But he wanted to wait, just to be safe. Who knows if this place could detect the magic signals emitted from the necklace if he tried to send a message.

The Collector ran around for a while, attempting to play four square with himself but struggling to distinguish which corner was which, the only indicator they got was the position of the bed, and he often forgot which corner was to the right or was across from it. Eventually, he gave up and fell down onto the bed, absolutely exhausted from all the running. 

The door to his containment facility opened, and the Collector jumped at the chance to escape, only to be met with a buzz of extremely powerful magic electricity from what was basically a magic taser ‘held’ by what looked to be a large, floating ball of light. They froze and fell to the floor, groaning in pain.

”There is no escape, Collector.”, the monotone voice boomed, “Our guards will escort you to get changed into your new patient garments in private, then we shall escort you to your first treatment, arts and crafts.”

Two more large orbs of light holding magic tasers arrived at the other side of the door, ready to escort the Collector to the changing rooms. The Collector was slowly recovering from the electric shock, struggling to get up before finally steadying on his two feet, albeit with help from the orbs.

The Collector followed the two orbs to an area that looked like a normal changing room, with white stall doors and silver handles with locks. The Collector stepped inside the changing room, the inside had a small, cushioned bench in the corner and a standing mirror. A Theraprism uniform, which looked more like a prison uniform, in all orange and with a number on the top right materialized on the bench in the corner. The Collector changed into his new uniform, making sure to hide the necklace under his uniform’s shirt collar, and got out of the changing room. 

He then followed the two balls of light to room labeled “Arts and Crafts” in English and many other languages from across existence. 

The room was large, with high ceilings and a vast layout, yet dingy, with grey walls with cracks in them. There were many tables in the room, some as tall as mountains and skyscrapers and some smaller than the eye could see. Art supplies of all sized were scattered across the tables. Paint, brushes, markers, pens, pencils, scissors with  plastic protectors over them to prevent them from being to sharp, glue, acrylics, paper, paper mache, oil paints easels, highlighters, sowing machines, felt, wool, and even more supplies the Collector hadn’t even seen before. The place was packed, with many beings, who each fell into ‘freakish’ or ‘slightly less freakish’. 

“Is this how other people see me?”, the Collector thought to themselves, “As some strange anomaly that doesn’t belong?”

They shook away these thoughts and went over to a table that was the correct size for him and only had four creatures sitting at it.

The first one was a black helmet with spindly spider legs and reddish orange eyes, who was trying and failing to hold a pen with one of its thin, sharp limbs. The second one was a large dark green creature whose colors got lighter the farther they went down its body, with  tentacles around its mouth, small black withered wings on its back, and three eyes on its head. It also had various light-blue dots scattered around its body, as well as olive green scale-like features lining their chest and underneath their upper arms. It was scribbling with a black marker some doodles that look ominous, as if they had some sort of meaning that the Collector couldn’t understand.

The third creature was just a very large floating ear, who was finishing up an extremely exquisite portrait of the last creature, who was yellow, two-dimensional and triangular, bearing a strong resemblance to the eye of providence. He had a single large eye with a slit pupil, rimmed with four short black lashes on the top and four on the bottom. He had thin, black limbs and wore a small, black bow tie and a tall, thin, black top hat that floated just above their head. He was working on what looked like a large notebook with its face on the front and a bunch of sticky notes sticking out every which way.

The Collector sat down at the table and took a piece of paper and a box of crayons.

However, just as they were about to put the crayon to paper, he heard the triangle say, “Hey kid, whatcha doing here?”

”Huh?” the Collector asked.

”I mean whatcha in for.”, the triangle responded, setting down his book and training his one eye slit onto the Collector as if he was the most interesting thing in the world, “You know, what you did that got you here.”

”I dunno, I was just minding my business when some giant weird pink creature that called itself the ‘AXOLOTL’ took me to some strange space place and accused me of a bunch of stuff. Then I blacked out and I was here.”

”Ah, AXOLOTL… of course.”, the triangle said, “Oh my, I’ve completely forgotten to introduce myself, I’m Bill Cipher, and you’re the Collector.”

”Oh, hi Bill Cipher! Hey, wait, how do you know my name?!” the Collector asked. 

“Oh, I know lots of things.” Bill said ominously as various images including crop circles, JFK, the seal of the US president, stonehenge, and weather balloons flashed across his body, “LOTS OF THINGS.”

”Oh, okay!” the Collector said, deciding not to question it, “Wait, how do you do that, doesn’t this place block all the magic power stuff?”

The triangle shrugged and said, “Eh, they only block the useful stuff, like explosions and creation, stuff that actually does something. They let a little flashy showmanship magic pass here.”

“Oh, so you mean like stuff like this?” the Collector asked before they waved their hand, making several glowing, multicolored shooting stars fly across the ceiling.

”Yeah kid, but you should probably keep it on the down low, the guards here don’t like it if you get too flashy, and neither do the inmates, I mean patients, and you really don’t want to get a reputation as a show off on your first day.” Bill said as the Collector saw multiple creatures looking away from their art projects to glare at him.

”…oh, whoopsie.”, the Collector said sheepishly before quickly switching to a curious tone, “So, whatcha working on Mr. Triangle?”

”My name is Bill Cipher, I already told you that five minutes ago.” Bill responded.

”Eh, Mr. Triangle is easier, and it suits you better!” the Collector said.

Bill Cipher pinches his nonexistent forehead and replied ”You know what, nevermind kid? Anyways, I’m working on the most amazing book of all time. It’ll be a best seller across all of the infinite dimensions! I call it…’The Book of Bill’.”

”…so, it’s just a book about yourself?” the Collector asked.

“It’s called an autobiography!”, Bill retorted, “But yeah, it’s basically a book about me!”

”Why are you writing it?”, the Collector asked, “It doesn’t seem like a very fun thing to do.”

”Oh trust me, it’s tons of fun kid.” Bill responded, “It gives me something to do, and it’ll help me escape-“ Bill hesitates, quickly spying the guards that were listening to and looking at him with a suspicious glare before continuing, “-my mental health issues. Yeah, that.” 

The guards looked away again and Bill held back a sigh of relief. The Collector looks at all the other beings at the table curiously.

”So, who are these guys?” the Collector asked, pointing to the other creatures.

Cipher pointed at the black spider legs helmet and said, “That’s the Core, some hivemind of a bunch of smarta- I mean the greatest minds of Amphibia, a world populated by, go figure, amphibians. It’s an egomaniacal control freak bent on world domination.”

”Isn’t that a bit of a mean thing to say when they’re right there?” the Collector asked.

”Not at all.”, the Core interjected, “In fact, I take pride in that title, though I would add smart, no, brilliant, no, genius!”

”Yeah, yeah sure buddy.”, Bill said dismissively, “Hey, at least it’s funny, anyways the giant floating ear is Van Gogh’s Ear Demon.” 

“Huh, what?” the Collector asked, perplexed, “Who’s Van Gogh, and why is his ear demon here?”

“Ehh, Van Gogh, full name Vincent Van Gogh, was some old painter guy, still way younger than me, by a long shot, he painted some old paintings but more importantly, he was going insane! Now this ear demon over here, he made Van Gogh hallucinate a bunch of crazy things, and he fed off of Van Gogh’s madness, growing stronger by the day. Sadly, Van Gogh figured it out from reading ‘A Dummy’s Guide to Demons’ and cut off his ear, expelling this little guy. But, this little ear here still went on to cause mass havoc across dimensions with the power he had gained from Van Gogh’s madness, gaining a particular interest in stealing famous, powerful art relics from all around the cosmos, ain’t that right Vince?” Bill said

“Damn right it is,” Van Gogh’s ear demon replied pridefully, “I even stole the infinity gauntlet once, though it was quite hard to put on seeing as I don’t have any hands, which is good for self portraits, I hate drawing hands.”

“Then, he was eventually brought here like the rest of us shmucks after I summoned him for Weirdmageddon.” Bill explained.

”I’m still mad at you for that, Bill.” the Ear Demon said resentfully.

”Eh, it’s your fault for getting caught.”, Bill replied nonchalantly, “Anyways he’s basically just an artistic, extremely evil demon.”

“Oh, so he’s good at art stuff?”, the Collector asked as he pointed to the Ear’s very realistic portrait of Bill, “Guess that explains that.”  

“Yeah, he’s very talented, catches my likeness very well.” Bill said proudly as he posed with one leg on the table.

”That doesn’t seem that hard.” the Collector said, “You look easy to draw.”

”Hey! You know, my complexities are very hard to capture for amateur artists.” Bill responded.

”Well you are just a triangle with arms and legs wearing a top hat that looks like he puts on a bucketload of mascara every day.” the Core interrupted, causing the rest of the table to erupt into quiet laughter.

”Well, at least I have arms! All you have are those metal spider legs! You look like a long lost species of insect!” Bill retorted.

”Ummm…anyways who’s the green octopus man?” the Collector interrupted.

”Oh, him?” Bill said as he pointed to the large, dark green creature, “That’s C-3-Lhu, but we just call him Louie. He’s what you’d call an Doppelganger.”

“A what?” the Collector asked.

”An Doppelganger is a creature that attempts to copy everything, such as the appearance, power, personality, etc of the first creature it sees, looking to kill and replace them, and the first thing Louie happened to see was another one of the inmates here, Cthulhu. Poor Louie here was given a basically impossible task, but he persisted, he caused havoc across the cosmos, attempting to gain enough power to challenge Cthulhu, but sadly for him, after I summoned him for Weirdmageddon he was taken here after its failure.”, Bill explained, “Hey, at least little fanboy here can see his favorite eldritch monstrosity, since he’s also stuck in confinement in this hellhole.”

“Wait, Cthulhu is here?” the Collector asked.

”Oh yeah,” Bill said, “That oversized cephalopod tried one too many times to spread the influence of his precious outer gods. He’s so serious all the time, what a snooze fest. You’d think an eldritch horror would be more exciting to hang out with, but he’s about as conversational as a brick wall.”

Suddenly, the Collector hears a loud, booming voice echoing throughout the large room, saying “ARTS AND CRAFTS IS OVER, STAFF MAY ESCORT PATIENTS TO PUPPET HOUR.”

All the patients, including Bill, Louie, the Collector, the Core, and Van Gogh’s Ear Demon are telekinetically grabbed by the orbs of light patrolling the art room and taken out of different sets of double doors.

Before everyone was forced into the hallway, Bill yelled at the Collector "SEE YA IN A COUPLE MINUTES KID!" before he was taken out of site by the guards.

Chapter 2: Puppet Hour Turns Sour

Summary:

Puppet Hour kinda goes wrong, oops

The Collector was taken by the guards to another room, its walls were lined with puppets, both cute and eery. Some sock puppets, some felt puppets, paper bag puppets, marionettes, and some that looked like they were made out of some materials that bore a resemblance to fur and flesh. There were thousands, and each puppet was sorted onto a section of the wall with someone's name on it.

The Collector looked for names they recognized. First, they saw the Core's section, which consisted of things that looked more like robots rather than puppets, made of metal and with glowing red eyes. They all twitched slightly, and the Collector swore one of their eyes was following him. He also saw a puppet that looked like a human girl with olive skin, short, shiny black hair, and dark brown eyes wearing the Core as a helmet.

Then, he spotted Van Gogh's ear demon's section. It was filled with puppets that looked like artistic masterpieces. The puppets were made of paper and painted with bold, directional strokes with a natural color scheme that were pleasing to the eye. They also saw a replika of the infinity gauntlet, with little glue on gems as the infinity stones.

In a dark corner, he saw Louie's puppets, which all seemed to resemble eldritch abominations and horrifying, shadowy creatures, as well as creatures from the bottom of the ocean. They were made of a fleshy material, and it looked like they were almost alive, squirming and twitching as if they were on the brink of death.

In the center of the left wall, they found Bill's section, it was filled with puppets of geometric shapes and horrifying monsters. There were also four realistic human puppets, two looked like identical twins, both old men with grey hair, stubble and glasses, with one wearing a fez hat and a suit, with the other in a tan trench coat. There was also another set of identical twins. One was a girl with long brown hair, brown eyes wearing a shooting star sweater and braces. The other was a boy with eye bags, messy brown hair, pale skin, and brown eyes who was wearing a maple leaf hat and blue vest. All four of them kept punching themselves over and over again. The Collector also saw another set of these, except this time they were sock puppets with googly eyes. 

The Collector sees all the other patients getting led into the room. They sat down, and Bill motions for the Collector to sit with him and his group. The Collector walked over to the table and sat down. 

They began working on a puppet, they used black felt and yellow eyes, with some white paper. Soon, he finished a messy yet adorable puppet that looked like a black dog with a skull over it's head, with a shiny golden medallion that hung on a soft, red collar.

Bill looked over at it, raised his nonexistent eyebrow and asked, "Who is that?"

"Oh, he's King." the Collector said wistfully as he adjusted the puppet's eyes.

"Oh, is he a Titan?" Bill asked.

"Yeah." the Collector replied absentmindedly.

"Oh, neat!" Bill exclaimed, "Ya know, I killed one once in the Dark Ages, to use its blood to open a portal to the Human Realm. Sadly, it didn't work. I really thought it was the key too..."

"You WHAT!?" the Collector shouted, his eyes bulging out of his head in shock.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!", Bill responded jokingly, "That never happened."

The Collector squinted suspiciously at Bill. Bill had no obvious reaction, and the Collector stopped and took a sigh of relief. When the Collector was looking away, Bill winked, or rather blinked cheekily, straight at a security camera. 

"You know, you kinda sound like him. Actually, you sound exactly like him!" the Collector said to Bill.

"I do? Well, he must have some pretty great vocal cords!" Bill said.

”Yeah, I kinda miss him.” the Collector sighed.

“Oh you shouldn’t, kid. Missing people is for suckers that whine and won’t move on!” Bill said, “L plvv prp dqg gdg.” 

“Huh?” the Collector said, staring questioningly at Bill, “What did you say?” 

“Eh, nothing.” Bill dismissed, “Just a sneeze.”

Bill then took a jar of what appeared to be teeth and started eating from it like it was a bucket of popcorn.

”Want some?”, Bill asked, his mouth still full of teeth that were not his own, “They’re so tasty and rich, like eating crunchy butter!”

”…No thanks.” the Collector said slightly uncomfortably.

The Collector resumed making his puppet and observed the people around him. 

Van Gogh’s Ear Demon was drawing on a paper bag puppet, his drawing was beautiful. Bold, striking strokes formed the image of a demon holding a pitchfork. He seemed more interested in drawing rather than making a puppet.

The Core was creating multiple robots, using strange materials and stitching and screwing together like a puppet lobotomist, using its spindly legs as needles and screwdrivers to sew and screw.

Louie was stitching together fur, flesh, and scales to create abominations which went against the very laws of nature, which wasn’t saying much considering nearly, if not all the creatures here did that already.

Bill looked bored, popping teeth in his eye-mouth thing and messing with a glue gun which he occasionally shot at the Core, much to their dismay. 

Bill suddenly got everyone’s attention and asked, “Say, what does everyone think of trying to make things here more… interesting?”

Everyone seemed to know what Bill meant, except the Collector, who innocently asked “Like what?”

”…we’re starting a riot dumba-.”, Bill was about to say before Louie elbowed him, pointing at the Collector then looking at him in an accusatory manner, Bill continued, “I mean idiot.”

“But, how will we be able to do anything without our powers?” the Collector asked.

”Just because we don’t have powers doesn’t mean we’re harmless!” Bill said, pointing to the Core, “Besides, we got Mr. Smart Guy over here. It usually makes weapons and stuff for us, since it can make them out of practically anything. That’s practically the only reason why we put up with it, so come on smarty pants, do your stuff!”

”My pleasure.”, the Core said calmly as it started barking out orders, “Get me a glue gun, some nuts and bolts, a screwdriver, metal, and some flesh, preferably organs, but muscles or tendons will do.”

Everyone except the Collector spread out across the tables looking for materials. The Collector was hesitant, but eventually gently set down their puppet of King and went on their own to a far off table.

He went to a table where a normal looking man with tiny legs sat. He tapped him on the back and asked, “Hi, do you know where I could find some organs?”

The man turned around, and the Collector recoiled slightly from disgust. The man had a large beard with wide eyes, and he was gnawing on the arm of a small child he was holding, blood all over his mouth and staining his beard. 

"Yeah, I do." the man said in a voice muffled by his teeth gnashing and gnawing on the child's face.

The man then tore open the baby's chest and took out its heart, somehow still beating, from within and handed it to the Collector. The Collector took it hesitantly then quickly scurried away, looking back behind him to see the man staring back at him, blood dripping from his beard.

The Collector broke out into a run. They made sure that the man was out of their view, before slowing back down to a walk, moving back to the table with the others. Everyone was there, sitting down and watching the Core do whatever it did. He set the child's heart on the table, next a green, misshapen brain and an organ they didn't recognize that was pinkish green and almost like a liver and stomach made a baby that had several genetic disorders. 

The Core worked for 20 minutes before Bill said, "Cmon pal, hurry it up! We don't have all of eternity ya know, they're gonna make us go back soon!"

"If you want me to hurry I suggest you shut up, genius takes time." the Core said.

"Genius, you lost to three teenage girls, I hardly call that genius!" Bill retorted.

"Those teenagers had the help of an omnipotent cat god!" the Core argued,"You don't exactly have room to argue about this. You got defeated by 2 old men and 2 tweens. Not even teens, tweens, without powers."

”Will you two quit arguing and focus!”, a frustrated Van Gogh’s Ear Demon said, “You can whine about being beaten by children later, right now, let’s just go over our plan again.”

”Right.” the Core said, “The plan.”

”We had a plan?” the Collector asked.

"Of course we had a plan!" the Core said, "What, did you think we would just randomly start a scene without knowing what we were doing?" 

The Collector remained silent, averting his gaze and suddenly finding the ceiling lights very interesting.

"...Anyways, we'll use my robots as a distraction for the guards and to destroy the cameras. Then, we'll go through the vents they use to release the gases-"

"What gases?", the Collector interrupted, "What do you mean?"

"Oh you poor, sweet summer child." Bill said mockingly, "It's their 'special' gas. It makes everyone black out. That's what they release when there's a riot. It's a way they keep us in line."

"So then why are we going in?", the Collector asked, "What if they release the gas? Doesn't that just ruin everything?"

"Well, we don't exactly have any other way out, the doors are impossible to break down, it's our only chance. You kinda threw a planet sized wrench in our plans, since you're an unknown variable we haven't accounted for. But, it's too late to go back now. Today is multiversal beer day, and half the staff are given the day off to go to O'Sadley's, which I'm sure old Bill here is familiar with."

"Hey, it was ONE time, ONE TIME!" Bill retorted.

"Sure buddy, we all heard you talk about your whole incident at the bar at group therapy, did you ever get your Sixer?" the Core said in a mock innocent voice.

"SHUT UP, THEY FORCED THAT OUT OF ME, THEY MADE ME SAY IT!", Bill yelled angrily, "I'LL TAKE YOU APART AND USE YOUR SPARE PARTS TO BUILD AN AUTOMATIC BACKSCRATCHER YOU THICKHEADED CLANKER!"

"Alright, alright, both of you just shut the f- heck up!", Van Gogh's Ear Demon said, "Can you just stop arguing for FIVE SECONDS?!"

 

 

Notes:

Most of the tags are for later it’s all gonna come together trust :)