Chapter Text
Snow-gray dusk smothered the horizon. It was cold, enough that her breathes came and went as a thing mist. Not a good sign, winter was always the harshest and just staying in the car wouldn't be enough. It meant exposure, to anything out there.
Clementine had to forget the action of holding her head in frustration. She had to focus, lips wrapped around a small hose. A deep inhale, but whatever might be inside was not moving willingly. Again and again she tried, emptying and refilling her lungs. Waiting until her tongue drowned with a tangy oily substance.
It was a lucky break, but the fluid kept coming. She had seconds to react.
Plucking the hose from her mouth she spat out the liquid onto the pavement below. Aiming the end of the hose into a small barely filled gas canister. Everything was getting harder to come by.
Food.
Gasoline.
Ammo.
"How's it looking Goofball?"
Clementine turned her head. Standing in the broken down truck's bed, AJ stood. His small hands grasping the contoured grip of his revolver. His brown colored eyes scanning the tree line and road ahead.
"No monsters." AJ's soft voice was loud enough for her, but quiet all the same.
"People?"
Walkers were one thing. People were worse. She knew firsthand what people could do. What they have done. What she had done to survive. To protect AJ.
"None."
He shook his head, his quiet voice was heavy. loneliness, sadness, or both?
Isolation wasn't meant for most people but sometimes its the only way to stay alive.
But she wished this would change for him at least.
Other than him she had...
She shook her head. Turning away from AJ to look down the road.
Overturned and stripped cars littered the path ahead. Some were no better than skeletons of what they had been. She could see it, some of these cars were pre-walkers. When people thought that getting out was enough. Luggage cases were littering the ground, frozen from the declining temperature or ransacked.
Maybe something was left. Clothes for AJ.
Something to keep him warm, hopefully.
The flow of fuel came to a slow stop, sputtering with a few drops before coming to rest. She didn't even need to look down to tell it wasn't even close to full. Maybe an eighth of the can was filled at best. Still it was something.
"Come on AJ, next one."
She called for him, hearing the boy climb down and onto the ground. His boots scraping against the metal before crunching onto the asphalt.
Clem stood, looking forward. There wasn't anything about this that she liked. The cars and trucks provided blind spots easy for ambushes. Blocked paths not allowing any easy escape. Not to mention the possibility of walkers still being in the cars.
It was hard to maneuver and too unpredictable.
But they had to take the risk.
The sloshing of diesel in the gas canister gave a grim reminder that their car was running on fumes.
Most gas had gone bad making some cars no more than traps or decorations.
Diesel was their only chance.
"Keep a look out."
AJ took her job of warning him. Instead reversing it on her.
Her hand brushing the waist of her jeans. Fingers wrapping around the handle of a sheathed combat knife. The blade drew with little noise, sharpened edge glinting in the dim sunlight. Despite her best efforts, small splotches of faded blood rested on belly and spine.
She missed having a pistol.
Up close and personal made everything more dangerous, more messy.
"I'm supposed to tell you that."
She cracked a smile despite her stiff body.
Getting AJ's smile in response. Small, but real.
"I know."
She stalked her way ahead. Slowly, eyes scanning the sea of cars.
Walkers could be hiding underneath, inside, or slumped across the outside waiting to attack. One bad fall and it was over. There were no second chances.
So nothing on the ground could be touched. Not until she was sure. The luggage could wait.
First came the surroundings.
Second were the spaces big enough to hide.
Third, the insides.
Anything other than large trucks meant there was little chance of having what they needed.
A budding frustration continued to build. Her grip on the knife growing tighter.
"Clem, monster."
AJ's voice broke through her thoughts. One hand pointed at the a sedan just two down from where they were.
Through the fogged glass, there was shuffling of a body. A sickening wet guttural noise radiating from its seat. It was loud enough to draw her attention but that didn't mean she could rush it. Her head turned, eyes bouncing from the side of the road and what was in front of her.
She stopped walking causing AJ to follow her actions.
The air was still. A chill up her spine, goosebumps crawling across her skin.
A few seconds passed, almost a minute.
AJ shuffled on foot forward but stopped when she sent him a look. One hand holding the gas can, the other her knife she took gentle steps. Searching the cars she passed quickly before coming to the shattered window of the driver's seat.
Stepping back as the walker's rotting arm stretched outward to grab.
Fingers curling grasping, clawing at the air. The walker groaned. Torso jerking forward, restrained by the seatbelt still tightly binding its body to the seat.
Clem didn't flinch.
She looked from a distance at the cause which was staring back at her.
A large, jagged piece of sheet metal had pierced through the windshield. Slicing through the midsection. Upper and lower abdomen forcefully split from the other. The dashboard, gear shift, and center console were decorated with faded blood and its green corroded intestines.
Flesh rotting off the very bone itself.
Teeth shown through cheek. Ready to shred anything living to pieces.
She could never truly get used to the smell, only tolerate it. Her nose wrinkled slightly and she raised her knife. Arm pulling back before she stabbed downward through the trapped walker's forehead.
A slight resistance as the tip carved through muscle, flesh, and bone before the guard made impact.
The walker's outstretched arm fell, finally lifeless.
When she yanked her knife out the walker fell with a dull thud against the sheet metal. After it fell she looked through the rest of the car. It was empty of anyone or anything else. "AJ, were searching this one."
No one in their right mind would keep a walker alive.
So there was a good chance something was left behind.
AJ was just a few steps away from her when the she opened the back door. Gas can placed on the ground, one hand holding the handle as she slowly wrenching it open. Luckily her knife didn't see any more use as the empty back seats came to view.
Letting out a breath she wiped the blade clean before sheathing it. "All clear kiddo." A half-smile came across her face. Holding the door open she looked down. "Mind checking the back?"
"Ok." There were no complaints, AJ holstered his revolver in the waist of his jeans as he slowly climbed in. Eyes scanning the interior of the car, as he slowly made his way inside. The leather seats crinkling under his shifting weight. The material brittle from years of torment from both the sun and the weather.
Luckily the bite of ice cold leather didn't seem to bother him, his focus on scouring the pockets, floor and under the seats took priority.
Clementine followed with her eyes, her left hand resting on the cars roof. Seeing AJ distracted, she gave herself a moment. A small exhale and she watched the mist of her breath thin and fade into the dusky air.
Arms aching, body heavy from fatigue. The most annoying part was the rumblings of her stomach. She hadn't eaten for the past day, their last rations were already gone. Her right hand raised to take her hat off, letting her long matted locks of hair free. Left hand going to caress her forehead, trying to ignore the pieces stuck with light sweat.
She forced her shoulders to roll, trying to get rid of some of the tension. Cold air kissing her damp skin, a chill running down her neck.
AJ was still rustling around in the back seat, thoroughly checking like she had taught him.
Knowing she needed to get moving but she needed a second. Just one.
Eye closed, Clem inhaled deeply through her nose. Rusting metal, rotting blood, and old gasoline hardly made the scent she found all that satisfying. Awful but familiar.
'Ok.'
The second was over.
Putting her hat back on she pushed off the roof of the car. AJ checked the back, but that still left half of the vehicle.
Circling the car she took the extra precaution of shutting the door AJ had entered in. Without her at his back she wouldn't leave anything to chance.
Her boots scratching against the asphalt. Eyes skimming over the trunk, the last place they'll search. Stepping off the elevated road, frosted grass crunching under her weight. This grassy path was filled.
Long burned, overturned cars strewn about.
Chaos hit this road early on.
Reaching the passenger door she opened it slowly. A slight creak of the door's rusted bolts and hinges made her body cringe. Unlike the driver, the passenger had gotten lucky. Other than broken glass from the windshield nothing else was dangerous.
The search started with the center console.
Makeup, loose keys, pens. Most of this stuff was useless, they couldn't eat it, could barely kill with it, or had no reason to hold onto them.
Clem looked at the stick of lipstick in her hand.
She remembered that this was what girls used to want. Something that maybe if the walkers never happened she would have used this. As of now however she tossed it aside, something more important caught her eyes.
She scoured the bottom of the console, plucking a small silver lighter that glinted in the sun.
A flip lighter.
With a thumb she opened it with a clink. Catching AJ's attention from the back seat.
"A lighter!" Even this small find was a great one. "Try it Clem." Even AJ had anticipated the moment her thumb rolled on the striker.
One flick.
No flame.
A second.
A third.
Each time making it more unlikely.
Finally...
*Flick*
A small flame flickered to life.
"Yes!" AJ's smile widened.
Clem had no choice but return his smile with her own smirk.
Despite the warmth of just the small flame being inviting Clementine quickly flipped the lighter closed. Slipping the small lighter into her jacket pocket.
"Not done here yet Goofball." Reminding not only AJ but herself to stay on track. "Make sure to check everything."
She didn't wait for AJ to confirm what she said, the crinkle of leather made it clear he was already back to searching.
The center console was a diamond in the rough, hopefully this car was an untapped treasure.
Overhead compartment: Nothing but faded dollar bills and a broken pair of glasses.
Glove compartment: More makeup, documents, the car's registration, manual. Nothing useful.
She couldn't show her frustration her bubbling anger faded when AJ called to her.
"Clem look."
In his small hands was a dented thermos. She took it, gave it a few shakes. No sloshing, just the clink of metal. It was empty, but still a good find.
"Good work kiddo. Anything else so far?"
AJ's frown answered before he could.
Looking past him, Clem's own hope shrank. If the back turned up dry, this might be as good as it got.
Her hand reached out, cupping AJ's chin, stopping the drooping of his head. "We'll find something." She said, voice steady. "Still have the trunk and the rest of these cars."
He nodded at her words, whether he believed her or not? She couldn't tell. Hand leaving his face she reached over the middle of the seats. Keys still turned into the ignition of the car. A twist and they slipped from its resting place.
She held tightly to stop the keys from making too much noise.
"AJ." Leaning forward she handed the thermos back to him, waiting until the weight of the metal canister found its place inside her rucksack.
Getting out of the seat, she took one last scan.
Picking through the car, every reach or shuffle risked drawing attention.
A few seconds passed before the back seat's door opened and AJ climbed out. They took their time slowly closing the doors and made their way to the trunk. Keys in hand, Clem moved to unlock it.
AJ at her side raised his revolver.
She grabbed the handle of her knife.
No countdown.
The trunk opened.
The knife sheathed and gun holstered.
A small military green bag. It was probably the best thing they could have ever come across. There was little hesitation, Clementine grabbed its toppled over form quickly unzipping it to unveil its contents.
Baby clothes. Nothing they could wear. Everything inside was crumpled, tossed in with urgency. She dug deeper, sifting through the clothes and feeling her finger brushing something soft. A small blanket.
She quickly stuffed it into her pack without a word more.
With the bag nearly clear she stopped rooting through.
A nutritional bar and a water bottle.
No celebration. It might be enough for AJ. But for the both of them?
She smiled, "Told ya."
Lifting the food and water she tried to mask the truth. Tonight, she'd go to sleep hungry. Again.
Their best find yet had come to an end. Still a few more hours. Hopefully this time, they'll find enough.
.
By the time they stopped the fuel meter showed half a tank, and the sun was already starting to fall below the horizon.
The car sat in silence, AJ inside, already prepared for sleep. Her jacket his pillow, the blanket they managed covering his body.
She stood watching the road ahead, hand grasping the inside handle of the abandoned auto shop's garage metal door.
Completely silent.
Sleep.
Then back on the road at first light.
"Hgnh."
A small grunt came from her mouth as she pulled the creaking metal garage door shut. The looted garage was their resting place for today. With the sound of metal hitting concrete, she sealed herself and AJ inside.
Getting into the car's passenger seat she angled the rearview mirror to focus on AJ. Already curled under the blanket his eyes staring back at her.
"Good night, Goofball."
"Good night."
He spoke barely above a whisper.
She watched him fall asleep. Waiting before her body ran cold with a shiver. The inside of the garage, of the car was freezing.
Taking off her hat, setting it on the dashboard she would try and sleep.
Her feet rising, planting themselves on the seat as she curled into her body, the side of the door her pillow.
She had to sleep, whether it was easy or not.
Eyes closing she could hear the garage door rattle slightly. A stray walker? The harsh winter winds?
It was the background to her fatigued mind.
Sleep came a few minutes later.
.
.
That night... the Marsh House...
His breathing had been slowly dying out... while her heart hammered in her chest. Hands shaking with her hands grasping a cold piece of metal. His face blurred behind her tears, she didn't want to do this...
But he wanted her too, she was the only one who could...
The strength of her nine-year old body barely able to hold the pistol straight.
A soft whimper escaping her lips and her arms stretching outward.
Just like he taught her.
Her eye looked through the notch on the gun's rail. Her arms slightly bent and finger curling slowly.
"Clem..."
She hesitated...
"L..ee..." She cried his name, ears open for his next words. Hearing the clanking of the handcuff around his non-amputated arm.
"Its..."
She leaned closer as his eyes fluttered open and closed... The yellowing of his sclera still frightening, but she refused to look away. Gun lowering.
The clanging of the handcuff's metal and the radiator it was chained to became even more apparent.
Lee's legs shuffled, one devoid of most strength became even more lively then before.
"Its your... fault..."
The last whisper of his escaping breath froze her in place.
Her tears increased. She knew it was true... she ran away... caused Lee to get bit... to hear him say it... Her head fell just as Lee's last words kept repeating. He kept saying it, whispering it into the air.
"I'm... sorry..."
She repeated in sobs, the hoodie she wore growing tighter as one hand fell from her gun and grasped at her chest.
His voice grew louder through each passing second. The banging of the walkers on the closed building shutter growing.
Lee's voice grew more distant, the clanging of metal on metal became all she could hear until a feral growl erupted.
Head raised, she saw him, his paled skin tearing, face decomposing, flesh slopping off in heaps of blood.
She stepped back, the radiator creaking as Lee's wrist began to tear. It was only a matter of time before he got free.
Raising the gun once more she heard him once more. A chill creeping up her spine
"IT"S YOUR FAULT!"
.
.
.
She jolted awake when a small hand grasped her shoulder, body shivering in the cold. Her thin shirt did little in protecting her from the climate of the pitch-black garage.
"Clem..."
AJ's concerned voice barely reached her.
First thing's first she had to calm her breathing, the clenching tightness of her chest that threatened to suffocate her. Her hands raised wiping the tears the dripped down her dirt covered face. Feeling the odd skin of her missing left ring finger. She thought she had gotten used to it. Partly thankful that the darkness shrouded her actions, hoping however that the slight sniffle of her nose did not give it away.
"Sorry Goofball... did i wake you up?..."
She spoke between the catching of her breath. Head turning away from the hand grasping her left shoulder. The passenger seat of the car did not give enough space to properly do so, she was stuck in this freezing box.
"Are you cold?"
She asked, trying to turn AJ's attention away. She had given him the blanket she had scavenged and even her leather jacket to protect him from the frigid temperatures, at the time it seemed like enough but maybe it wasn't.
"I'm ok..." There was a small pause as the boy's hand left her shoulder and reached to the overhead light. A small slide and half the car was illuminated. The other half of the light was busted a few months ago. "Was it a nightmare?"
Clementine both loved and hated AJ's perceptiveness.
She couldn't lie... but she didn't have the voice to say it as she continued to wipe her tears. Eyes looking past the closed car window and through the cluttered and dilapidated garage. In the closed space they couldn't afford turning on the car, it would waste both gas and give attention to any nearby walkers. Even the light being on was enough to get her attention but she let it go as AJ spoke.
"About the farm?"
She shook her head no.
Not only was that not it, but she wanted to avoid AJ thinking about that place most of all.
"What was it this time?"
AJ's curiosity and in this case concern could not be satisfied. She knew that, even still, to repeat what she dreamt about...
'It.. was my fault...' Saying it out loud, to AJ, it would break her. Even if she believed... no knew it was true.
She pulled the trigger.
On Lee
Kenny
Watched them die.
Alvin
Rebecca
Carly
Luke
Sarah
Nick
... The list of people she knew, the list of people who because she was around had died...
She was the reason AJ was taken away, the reason nothing can come up behind him. The reason he had nightmares at night about McCarroll Ranch.
"Nothing... just... some bad things..." Her vague words, her eyes refusing to meet AJ's even by way the the window's reflection.
"Monsters?"
"Yeah... just monsters..." She agreed with what he thought. It was better that way... Her hand grasped the car door handle. "I need to stretch my legs." She tried her best to muster a smile, but failed in doing so.
"I'll come too."
AJ began to move, she could hear the leather jacket over his shoulders crinkle with slight movement.
"No, Goofball, just go back to sleep, I'll be right outside the car."
The hesitation in AJ's movement was palpable.
"But..."
She knew what he was going to say, "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, especially not without you."
"Ok..."
Finally when she heard the words did the passenger door open and she stepped out not before turning off the light and grabbing her knife. Could never be too sure, not anymore. Leaving her hat on the dashboard, she sat on the hood of the car with her hair loose. She would have to tie it back as soon as possible.
More than that was what the next plan was. They needed food, water, AJ's gun was no more than a decorative piece at the moment with only a single round in the chamber.
And... she just couldn't get it out of her mind. She spoke softly, to herself, never forgetting his words, trying to remember his voice as though he was still there.
"Never let yourself get trapped."
"You're strong."
"Don't trust anyone."
"Always keep moving."
"You have to shoot me, honey."
"I'll miss you."
The only comfort that could be found was her own arms hugging herself. Biting back the newly formed tears. This time her own voice.
"Keep moving forward..."