can't believe the places that you take me

hey everyone! this is a special piece that i've been writing for about the past year for lovely karliah (thank you so much for your patience) and i hope that you enjoy it !!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Kim Namjoon really, truly hated going to clubs.

He didn’t mind bars, but he hated clubs.

They were crowded, and busy, and sticky, and loud, and usually filled with people who were looking to hook up. Which was fine , and even he was looking to hook up as well, but he knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to find what he wanted when he went out, and so he had long given up on an encounter that would actually be satisfying.

But it was his best friend's birthday, and she loved going out dancing, and so Namjoon had swallowed down all his complaints and forced a smile on his face as he’d struggled into his only pair of well-fitted jeans and had met them all for dinner. Hwang Soyoon had wrapped an arm around his shoulder and given him a loud kiss on the cheek and then whispered that she was so glad he had come. That made him feel a bit bad, because he really didn’t mean to avoid so many outings with his friends, but he had been so busy lately, and most of the time when they wanted to go out, it was places like this, which really wasn’t where he wanted to come to decompress.

As expected, the club was crowded. And busy. And sticky. And there were definitely people looking to hook up, and almost instantly there were a few people trying to catch his eye from the bar and then a couple of booths, but Namjoon kept his gaze moving, not wanting to give anyone the wrong idea.

He already knew that all of the people who were looking toward him wanted one thing, and he couldn’t give that to them. And they absolutely couldn’t give him what he wanted.

They all found a booth to slip into, and Namjoon started speaking with one of Soyoon’s friends that he got on with, which was good, because it wasn’t long before Soyoon was slipping away and walking toward the dance floor. Namjoon watched her absently, but after a few moments, he had to look away.

Soyoon was the epitome of a Dominant. Even though she was petite, there was an aura and confidence to her that made everyone very aware of what her designation was.

There had been a time when she had intimidated Namjoon, with how confident and self-assured she was. The Dominant’s that he spent a lot of time with growing up liked to exert their authority and it was tiring for Namjoon to face them every day, but it was something he’d needed to get used to.

Of course he had, given he was the only Submissive in a family filled with Dominant. There was the occasional Switch in the family as well, but even then, they were more Dominant than Submissive, especially when they were around other people. When he was younger, it was natural for him to submit easily around his parents and authority figures, but when he didn’t start pushing back as he came into adulthood, there had been…Concerns. Technically someone's presentation would never be announced until after their sixteenth birthday, but there were signs before then, their presentation would begin to shine through in their personality before then. Some Dominant’s might not be as blunt and stubborn as others, and some Submissive’s might not have been as soft and agreeable as others, but there were still signs .

Namjoon wasn’t stupid.

In fact, it was almost to his detriment that he was quite intelligent, and easily picked up when his parents and family started treating him differently. And he was able to figure out what their problem was, after certain things his brother, and aunt, and then grandparents on his fathers side would say. And then they started taking him to see therapists and doctors, and it didn’t really matter that Namjoon tried to act different , he just couldn’t quite figure it out. There would be slips, tells, indicators that older Dominant’s could easily pick up on, and then as he got older, his classmates could as well. By the time he was seventeen, it was easy for his doctor to state he presented as Submissive.

His father didn’t talk to him for a week, and after that, it had never been the same between them.

His parents acted as though he had been diagnosed with something horrific, as though he had done something that he should be ashamed of, and for a really, really long time, he had agreed. He thought he was defective in some way.

It was different now. Kind of.

He wasn’t ashamed of the fact he was Submissive, necessarily, but he didn’t exactly lean into that side of himself either. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, because sometimes, that was all he wanted–and it was what his body needed as well. But it was just…He had gotten used to hiding it, and even though he didn’t outright lie about his presentation–not like he used to–he definitely didn’t correct people when they had their assumptions. And it was easy for them to assume that he was Dominant, given his height, and how broad he was, and the family he came from, and the job he was in, and the way he had learnt to hold himself…

The several short-term relationships he’d had had fizzled out quickly, given the people who searched him out wanted a Dominant, not a Submissive. And the few times there had been people who had realized he wasn’t a Dominant, they got some kind of power trip out of overpowering him, as though he was a Switch. It would be so much easier if he was, but he wasn’t .

He didn’t want to fight for power.

He wanted someone who he respected, and who respected him back, and that he could trust to just take the full weight off his shoulders. Who just let him collapse, forget about everything and melt into them. A Dominant to call his own, who was proud to call him their Submissive.

He was in his thirties now and he knew it objectively wasn’t too late for him to meet someone, but he couldn’t help but feel disheartened. He knew that a big part of that was on himself, and how it had taken a long time for him to fully accept that he was a Submissive but he wasn’t confident enough to ask for the things he needed. If he was more forward about his wants and needs, he would be more likely to find someone, but…He wasn’t. And so he was alone.

“Joonie! Hey–Joon-ah, you good?” Soyoon was smiling but her forehead was wrinkled in concern as she looked over at him, yelling to be heard over the music playing, and Namjoon quickly nodded, flashing a smile. It was her birthday, and the last thing she needed to be doing was worrying over Namjoon.

“Yeah, I–I’m just going to go to the bathroom!” He called back toward her and she watched him for a moment longer before nodding and dancing away. Namjoon took in a deep breath as he looked around, identifying the sign for the toilet not too far away from where he was and ducking his head forward to work his way through the throngs of people that were between him and the hallway where the bathroom was. His frame was big and broad and people tended to move out of the way for him when he moved, although that was only because of his frame. Whenever they would properly look at him–especially Dominants, or Switches with a more Dominant streak–they could see just from the way that he was walking that he wasn’t Dominant. His head was down and he averted his eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone–the thought of challenging someone the absolute last thing on his mind, despite what some Dominant’s thought due to his stature.

Fuck, he hated the complexities of just existing sometimes.

The hallway where the bathrooms were was lit up a lot more than inside the club, but it was still crowded, and Namjoon winced as he edged around groups of people and couples that were pressed against walls and corners. He definitely preferred staying in to going out, but he pushed those thoughts away quickly because he was doing this for his best friend and he just needed to get through a few more hours. He gratefully slipped into the bathroom once he reached it, and there were a few people inside, but a bathroom stall empty where he slumped down and just breathed.

He had barely been at the club for half an hour and he was already feeling overwhelmed.

Namjoon himself was quite introverted, and not the biggest fan of going out in crowds of people. Sometimes he had fun, but a lot of the time he was just counting down the minutes until he could go home. But then there was also just the fact that he hadn’t been Dominated in a while, and there was unfortunately something about his biology that put him on edge when it had been some time. He was used to it, and he had coping strategies in place, but the longer he went between sessions, the more physically uncomfortable he was, sometimes even verging on painful.

Thankfully that wasn’t the case tonight, but he could already feel sweat beading beneath the collar of his shirt and his skin starting to itch.

When Namjoon came out of the stall, he washed his hands and splashed water on his face before wincing and quickly fixed up his hair. Sometimes he cared about his appearance too much, other times he didn’t care at all, and now was one of those times. He deemed himself presentable quickly and left the bathroom, sticking to the left wall and trying to avoid everyone even though the main part of the club was going to be even more crowded. He was almost at the doorway when something pulled his attention, frowning as his head twisted to the side. The hallway continued a little further, but the space was dark and there was a door with an Employee Only sign tacked onto it that was shoved half open. Namjoon looked over his shoulder, feeling unsure, because he was usually a stickler for following the rules, but something was drawing him forward, and no one in the hallway was paying him any attention as he stepped closer and peeked through the door.

There was someone–a man, with hair covering his face and wearing a pair of jeans that were tucked into a large pair of boots–and he was huddled against the wall with his head curled toward his chest.

“Hello?” Namjoon’s voice was hesitant, but he couldn’t help but step in a bit closer. “Are you okay? Is there something–” he cut off when the mans head lifted, big, glassy eyes meeting Namjoon’s, red-rimmed and clearly scared. While Namjoon didn’t like to make judgements of peoples classifications because of people's own assumptions about him that were incorrect, but the way that the man was looking at him…He definitely seemed as though he was in a Submissive state. “Hey, are you alright?” Namjoon’s voice lowered even more, and he did the same thing with his body, crouching down and trying to make himself smaller and non-threatening. The last thing the man needed right now was to feel like someone was trying to move in and take advantage of him while he was in a vulnerable state–Namjoon knew exactly how that felt and he would never want to do that to someone. “My name is Namjoon, my friends call me Joonie, though,” he murmured, and the man’s eyes were watching him closely, and his lips pursed together nervously. “Was there someone I can call for you? Maybe…Maybe your Dom?” He asked softly and the man’s eyes lit up and Namjoon knew that he was on the right track. “I could go and get them–or I could wait here with you, if you would like?”

There was no response. Not a word from the man–the very, very beautiful man, Namjoon was noticing the longer he stared at him–and he couldn’t even hear any changes in his breath over the music that was playing loudly in the main club. Namjoon stared at him for a bit longer before he began shuffling backwards, deciding that maybe giving the man some space and having a look around the hallway to see if anyone seemed as though they were looking for someone–

“ No !” The man cried out, reaching forward and grabbing at Namjoon’s shirt sleeve, tugging on it desperately. “N-no, please–stay? Please?” He asked, and his voice was so sweet, his eyes huge as he stared up at Namjoon. He really did look as though he had fallen into quite a deep Submissive headspace, not quite Subspace, but maybe–Subspace looked different for everyone, but the fact that he was still talking and seemed as though he was aware of what was happening made Namjoon think he wasn’t quite there. He really hoped he wasn’t there, because he knew from firsthand experience how disorientating it could be in that headspace in a strange place with no one familiar around.

“Okay,” he answered without hesitation, shifting back to where he had been kneeling before, letting his arm hang forward so that the man could keep holding on. He looked like he was younger than Namjoon, with piercings in one ear, and in his lower lip, and when Namjoon looked further down, he could see that there were tattoos covering his knuckles and disappearing under the sleeve of his shirt. “Yeah, I can stay,” he murmured, and he moved to sit down, thinking that it would be best if he made himself comfortable, before suddenly the door behind him was being shoved open and he stumbled forward unsteadily.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Came a shout as a blonde whirlwind appeared in the room, a hand physically pushing on Namjoon’s shoulder, separating him from the man, and he fell down heavily on his ass. It was disorientating, going from things being quiet, and calm, and focussing so intently on the man in front of him, to there suddenly being two other people in the room, and being touched so roughly. His ass throbbed from where he had landed awkwardly, and he couldn’t help the way his lower lip automatically began to slide out in a pout, his expression saddening before he caught himself and clenched his hands into fists. “Jungkookie, baby, what’s going on? We couldn’t find you–you know I can’t deal with that,” the blonde fell down in front of the man, reaching in to cup his face. The man– Jungkookie –looked up at him automatically and Namjoon physically saw his body loosen, and his expression soften.

This man must be his Dominant.

The physical reaction from the man made it obvious, and Namjoon couldn’t help but feel a painful pang in his chest, looking at something so intimate and loving up close that he had never had before.

Something that he desperately wanted.

“Can you stand, baby? Taetae is going to call hyungs and tell them we’re on our way home, okay?” As the blonde spoke, he looked over his shoulder toward the second man he had come in with, who was hovering close by, his eyes darting between the two men who were crouched together, and where Namjoon was. But as soon as he heard the indirect order from the Dominant, his shoulders were instantly pushing back as he nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket, tapping the screen a couple of times before putting it to his ear.

He was beautiful , he had a face that looked as though it should be displayed on billboards, and filling movie screens.

Actually, all three men looked as though they could be on magazine covers or gracing runways. They were all gorgeous .

However, something he definitely noticed about the blonde and the man who had been curled in on himself, was that it was clear that the blonde–the Dominant–was the smallest one there, much smaller Namjoon once he got to his feet–all of them towering over him. That didn’t matter at all, though, because his confidence filled the room, and Namjoon could feel his eyes lowering to the ground instinctively when the Dom swept his eyes over Namjoon. Part of him was worried that the man was going to sound angry and snap at him again, and he was already prepared to flinch away, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, his concern was on the two men he was with– Jungkookie and Taetae .

It made sense, the way his attention was so focussed on them, given the care and love he had said both of their names. He wondered how Jungkookie had ended up on his own in the first place, since his Dominant didn’t seem at all like the negligent kind.

“Let’s get home,” the Dominant said quietly, and his fingers came up to brush through Jungkookie’s hair, and the man leaned his face into his touch. He looked even younger, and sweeter as he closed his eyes and curved around the Dominant. His body language and complete demeanour was so different to the way it had been just a few minutes ago, soft and calm and breathing steadily, the Dominant’s hand brushing gently over Jungkookie’s cheek.

Namjoon stepped away, and he could feel eyes on him the moment he moved, but he didn’t have it in him to look up again. He was pretty sure it was the Dominant watching him closely, and he really didn’t want to see the man glaring at him again.

The moment he was back in the hallway, he winced, everything felt overbearing. There were so many scents, and sounds, and the bright lights above him felt oppressive. The three men behind him all filed out of the employee lounge, and it was only when they began walking away from him that he looked up at them again.

They made a sweet picture, the Dominant walking between both of them and holding onto their hands, and while two men that flanked him were bigger and broader, it was clear that they easily deferred to him. Just as they were about to turn through the archway into the club, the first man– Jungkookie –he turned back, and although it was small, he smiled at Namjoon tentatively. Namjoon smiled back nervously, feeling strangely shaken up by the whole encounter, but just glad that the man was okay and with people he trusted now.

He wished he had that.

The heaviness he felt on his shoulders sunk into his body like a weight he could barely hold up any longer, and he felt all too aware of the months that had gone by since the last time he had been Spaced properly.

He needed to get out of there.

Namjoon woke up feeling as though he had gotten completely drunk the night before, even though he’d only had a beer at dinner.

He knew it wasn’t a hangover, though, because of the way his entire body felt sluggish, and his thoughts all felt slow, none of them making sense.

It was a feeling he had gotten used to when he was a teenager, when he had been suppressing the things he needed the most; not just what he wanted , but needed . It had only gotten worse as he had gotten older, but luckily for him, he had managed to start unlearning the things that his parents had put in his head since he was young, and start therapy. He had a long way to go, but he had come so far, and even though the times between when he had proper sessions that actually settled his Submissive side had been a while, he made sure they were frequent enough that it had been a long time since he had felt like this .

He could barely operate when he felt like this.

Sometimes Namjoon went into work on a Sunday but that was most definitely not going to happen today, and he went back to sleep after checking his phone and replying to Soyoon, who had messaged him a couple of times last night. He had made sure to tell her when he was heading out, and she really hadn’t been too surprised that he was leaving earlier than everyone else, but she still checked on him. He knew she reigned her Dominant instincts in a lot around him, because that wasn’t what he wanted from her, but she couldn’t help the way she worried sometimes, and he respected that. He appreciated that there was someone looking out for him, and he smiled weakly when he saw a selca that she had sent to him near the end of the evening with a beautiful girl with pink hair, before dropping his phone and falling asleep again.

When he woke up, he felt a little better, but his head was still throbbing, and his limbs felt all weird and disconnected and it took him before he was able to get to his feet, holding onto the wall for support. He winced as he realized he had sweated through his shirt and the backs of his knees felt sticky, and when he ran his fingers through his hair, it was all stringy and damp.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered when his vision wasn’t tripling in front of him anymore, deciding to take a shower first of all.

He felt a bit more human after that, but not really.

Eating wasn’t as satisfying as he hoped it would be, barely able to taste the seasoning of his ramen, the green tea he made himself just sloshed around in his stomach a bit uncomfortably.

He forced himself to lay out his yoga mat and go through a class, and the gentle directions that came from the man leading the class he had chosen to stream through his TV helped the most out of everything he had done.

Namjoon sat on his small balcony afterwards, his legs stretched out on the cool concrete and took in some deep breaths of the outside air. He had routines and plans in place for when he felt himself going into a Drop, things that he had figured worked best for him. His parents had wanted him to shove things down, and he had tried that for a long time, and it had been horrible–every part of it had been horrible .

That was a big part of the reason he was incredibly low contact with his family members. He was proud of where he was now, even if he wished that he was further along in his love life, and his journey as a Submissive. Speaking with them would only set him back.

When Namjoon woke up the next morning to his alarm blaring on his phone, he didn’t feel anywhere near as awful as he had the day before, but he knew he was still quite pale and his focus was going to be terrible that day. He showered and forced himself to have some cereal, before trudging out of his apartment with headphones shoved over his ears, trying to breathe through the tension that was filling his body as he stepped into the elevator.

Namjoon wasn’t the most organised–he tried hard to be, but it really wasn’t his strong suit–however he usually was on top of just checking his calendar in the morning before he went into work. He made sure to update it often, and there were often things that assistants in the company would add in, because it was one of the small things that helped him keep a routine and stay on track, but sometimes it just slipped his mind to check this morning.

And of course he missed that he had a meeting first thing, and then ran late to one just after lunch, and a piece of work that he had been particularly inspired for last week just felt like the absolute worst thing he had ever put together…The day was shit. Absolute shit.

Thankfully, the meetings hadn’t only been with him, and he hadn’t needed to speak up all too much, and he hadn’t been collaborating with anyone that day, so had spent most of it tucked away in his studio alone, and close to six o’clock, he dragged himself out of the building. It had been his most unproductive day in as long as he could remember.

“Hyung– hyung !” He could hear someone nearby as he walked down the street, fumbling with his headphones. “Hyung, wait, I want–it’s–” whoever it was came closer, and Namjoon sighed as he prepared himself to move, because whoever it was sounded overly excited. “Hello? Um–sir?” Namjoon blinked as he realized that he was being addressed.

And then he blinked again when he realized who it was in front of him.

The man from the club.

Jungkookie .

And behind him was a tall man with broad shoulders– another beautiful man, Namjoon noted, just like the two who had burst into the room when he had been with their Submissive. This man held his head high and was wearing a brightly coloured shirt that clashed with the pants he was wearing, and yet he still looked as though he should be between the pages of a fashion magazine.

“Hyung, this is–” Jungkookie paused before looking back at Namjoon wide-eyed. “Sorry, I didn’t get your name,” he looked embarrassed as he shuffled his feet from side-to-side and despite how shitty Namjoon felt, he couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m Kim Namjoon,” he offered and Jungkookie’s smile returned, brighter than before.

“I’m Jeon Jungkook!” He replied. “And this is my hyung, Kim–”

“I’m Kim Seokjin,” the taller man smoothly interrupted, and Namjoon felt himself try to shrink , just a little, under the gaze of a man who exuded a quiet Dominance that made Namjoon’s stomach squeeze. He tried not to react too much, digging his nails into the palm to force his natural reaction to stop , a trick that he had been using for years.

“Hello,” Namjoon replied, and he could feel Seokjin studying him.

He didn’t blame him, because he knew that he probably looked like a Dominant, and was holding himself that way, which meant he was a possible threat to another person's Submissive, even if it was obvious Jungkook wasn’t worried. Rather, Jungkook was bouncing on his toes as he looked between the two older men, eyes big and sparkling, and it was clear that he had complete and utter trust in the man– Seokjin –just like he had with two in the club. Namjoon swallowed hard as he tried not to wonder what that must feel like. Being a Submissive with multiple people in their cluster who were caring for them? That sounded like heaven.

“Hello, Kim Namjoon,” Seokjin tilted his head to the side slightly before he was smiling, and the smile was genuine, it reached his eyes, something that Namjoon had a habit of checking. A lot of people had smiled at him over the years, and he had gotten used to the fake, shiny teeth and the blank, calculating eyes. But this Dominant was different; he didn’t seem threatened by Namjoon’s presence and the way Jungkook was reacting to him, just cautious, which Namjoon respected. “Jungkook tells me that you helped him a lot the other night. Thank you,” Seokjin bowed his head forward and Namjoon’s widened, his mouth falling open in surprise.

“O-oh,” he looked between Seokjin and Jungkook, and Jungkook was beaming up at Seokjin. “Oh, it was nothing, I just–”

“It wasn’t nothing,” Seokjin corrected with a frown that immediately had Namjoon quieting and listening to him instinctively. “Our boys were out alone that night, and I always worry about them–so when we got a call from our Taehyungie saying that Jungkook had gone missing in the middle of a club, we all went into a panic,” Seokjin continued, and he gave Jungkook a look out of the corner of his eye, and Jungkook made a face, looking down at his feet. It was a reprimanding look, but not scary , not like the scolding looks that he had seen from the Alpha’s in his own family, and Jungkook didn’t shy away from Seokjin, just looked as though this was something they had already had a conversation about. “He’d had a bad day, and we weren’t sure going out was a good idea, and clearly it wasn’t, but–but I’m glad that you found him,” Seokjin concluded, his focus back on Namjoon.

“Oh, I–” Namjoon felt flustered. “Of course, it was nothing, I just–”

“It wasn’t nothing,” Seokjin repeated, sounded almost affronted by Namjoon’s words, and he reached out to loop an arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, and Jungkook happily melded himself against Seokjin’s side, underneath his arm. “My babies mean everything to me, and you helping one of them is not nothing.”

Namjoon had no idea what to say.

The genuine praise and expression of gratitude from a handsome, kind Dominant made him feel a bit dizzy, and he could feel that cloudiness in the corners of his mind, one that he didn’t experience all too often.

“Oh,” Namjoon exhaled and he wasn’t too sure what his expression was, so ducked his head and let his hair fall down, around his face.

“We–” it was Jungkook who piped up excitedly before drifting off and starting again more calmly. When Namjoon looked up, he saw that Seokjin had lifted his hand to gently hold the back of Jungkook’s neck, which had probably been a gentle warning to quieten his voice a little. “We were wondering if you would like to come to dinner?” There was a slight tremor in Jungkook’s voice, as though it was taking a lot for him to ask as calmly as he did.

It made Namjoon smile again.

He really liked Jungkook.

He could imagine liking Jungkook a lot more, which was something he definitely needed to tamp down before it blossomed into anything more. The last thing he wanted to do was make the Dominant who was being so kind to him–who was inviting him into their home , when they knew nothing about him–was to betray that trust.

“Oh, you–you don’t need to do that–”

“Of course I don’t!” Seokjin responded with a wide grin. “But we’re doing it anyway. Do you have plans tonight? Is there anyone waiting for you at home? Would you like to come back with us now?” Namjoon felt overwhelmed with all the questions and options, which was a very not Dominant thing to be feeling.

“I, uh,” Namjoon scrambled for something to say. On one hand, it had been a horrible day, and the idea of going back to a home that he didn’t doubt was filled with warmth, just based on the men in front of him, and a home cooked meal–it sounded amazing . On the other hand, the two men he had seen the other day with Jungkook probably wouldn’t be happy to see him, and he already felt as though he was barely holding himself together, he was pretty sure he would crumble under their gazes. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea…”

“Did you have someone waiting for you? They can come too,” Seokjin continued, although Namjoon noted the way Jungkook’s smile dimmed and a wrinkle formed on his forehead, but he didn’t say anything, just looked back at Namjoon for his response.

“No, I–no, there’s no one waiting for me,” Namjoon mumbled and Seokjin clapped his hands together.

“Great, then let’s head home!” Seokjin concluded excitedly, and at that simple decision made, Namjoon felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Jungkook looked happier as well, perking up from underneath Seokjin’s arm and looking at Namjoon hopefully, and it was so much easier for Namjoon to nod and smile, now that he didn’t need to make the decision, and at the clear excitement on the men’s face in front of him.

Even though he was worried, he couldn’t help but feel like it was all going to be okay.

“Yoongi is cooking for us tonight,” Jungkook piped up. “He’s making pork.”

“Pork sounds really good,” Namjoon said quietly and Seokjin smiled with a nod.

“Well, come on, then,” Seokjin turned, as though to merge back into the foot traffic of the pathway they had stepped to the side of and Jungkook instinctively followed, looking over his shoulder.

“Come on, Joonie!” He sung out, the nickname falling from his tongue so easily that it made Namjoon smile. Namjoon followed the two men–Seokjin and Jungkook–and he was happy to stay quiet behind them as they lead the way toward wherever their car was parked. They would ask him questions occasionally and try to draw him into conversation, but Namjoon really wasn’t up for too much talking right now. They didn’t seem to take offence to his quiet responses, and neither of them commented on the obvious surprise on his face when they stopped in front of a sleek, clearly very expensive car that Seokjin pulled out the keys for. He opened the passenger door for Jungkook, who scrunched up his nose sweetly and leaned in to kiss Seokjin on the cheek, and then he opened the back door before hesitating, looking almost embarrassed as he looked up at Namjoon.

“ Ai , sorry, habit,” the tips of his ears pinked but Namjoon was sure he was no better. It was such a small display of chivalry, but it made Namjoon’s toes curl in his shoes. He assumed Seokjin thought he was a Dominant, and one Dominant didn’t usually go out of their way to care for another–not only because it felt unnatural to many, but also because other Dominant’s could take offence to it, as though it made them less than, or smaller. It was stupid, and it wasn’t something Namjoon had ever agreed with, but it was something he generally kept to himself, given he wasn’t a Dominant, so it wasn’t a conversation he felt right having.

“Thank you,” Namjoon replied with a smile instead, sliding into the comfortable backseat. It smelt really good in the car as well, like a mixture of several different colognes and perfumes, but they came together so well, without clashing.

Jungkook spoke most of the journey home, while Seokjin just joined in occasionally, and also asked Namjoon if there was anyone he needed to notify that he was going out. Namjoon appreciated that Seokjin was giving him the opportunity to check in with someone, but really, like he had told them before, there was no one waiting for him. Still, he messaged Soyoon and shared his ongoing location with her, just to be careful, even though everything inside of him was telling him that these people could be trusted.

He hadn’t always had the best experience listening to his instincts, though, especially since he’d had to suppress them so much over the years.

Jungkook asked for his birth year, and then cheekily asked if he could call Namjoon hyung, and Seokjin scolded him lightly and leaned across to tug on Jungkook’s ear, but Namjoon just smiled and agreed.

It didn’t take him too long to get to their place, just outside of the central city where Namjoon worked and his apartment building was. They were in an actual town house with somewhere to park off the street and a small, fenced in garden out front. Namjoon couldn’t stop himself from looking around as they got out of the car and walked toward the front door. There were plants growing, although he noted that some of them could definitely use some extra watering and some trimming, and the door was flung open before Seokjin even reached the top step.

“You’re late!” Came a cry before Namjoon paused, realizing that it was the Dominant from the other night. The short blonde one who had looked absolutely vicious when he had seen Namjoon kneeling down next to Jungkook, and he was the main reason for Namjoon’s hesitance in coming here tonight, even though he didn’t want to admit it.

Especially when he looked so adorably fluffy and completely different from the way he had looked at the club. He looked sweet , and soft, and not like a Dominant at all, actually, and he threw himself at Seokjin without a second thought, affectionate and loving, smiling widely as he buried his face in Seokjin’s neck. But then his eyes found Namjoon and his entire demeanor changed, his eyes widening and his body stiffening.

“ You ,” he practically spat the word out as he dropped down from where he’d climbed Seokjin. Namjoon thought that he was actually going to lunge at him, but he stayed where he was, both Seokjin and Jungkook in between him and Namjoon. “What are you doing here–what is he doing here?!” It was kind of astounding, actually, the way his voice shifted automatically, his lower lip sticking out in a pout as he looked up at Seokjin with big eyes.

It was clear that Seokjin was the Head Dominant of their cluster.

“Be nice, Jimin-ah,” Seokjin’s words had a slight warning to them, moreso than when he had been speaking with Jungkook earlier, and Jimin didn’t seem to like that. His nose twitched and he still looked upset as he stared down Namjoon, and Namjoon desperately wanted to lower his eyes and look away, drop his eyes away from the Dominant, but he didn’t. His stomach twisted, but at this point, he had gotten used to how unnatural it felt to stare an angry Dominant–or even Switch–in the eye. “Jungkookie messaged you, he said a friend was coming to dinner.”

“A friend ,” Jimin repeated. “He’s not–”

“He is ,” Jungkook interrupted, and he sounded angry as he spoke.

“No, he–”

“Park Jimin,” Seokjin interrupted, and both Jungkook and Jimin fell quiet, although they were still glaring at each other. Namjoon could feel himself shrinking backwards, already feeling his mood dip lower, lower than it had been before he had seen Jungkook and Seokjin. His mind was already beginning to spin, thinking about pulling out his phone and ordering a taxi to pick him up, and then calling off work tomorrow, because his whole body just felt wrong right now.

They didn’t want him there, he was causing problems, he was a bad Submissive–

“Hyung?” Jungkook was looking back at Namjoon, and Seokjin and Jimin were gone. That was surprising, given Namjoon was a stranger , and Jungkook seemed as though he was their baby, and yet, it was just the two of them. “Come on,” Jungkook smiled at him, reaching out toward Namjoon, and Namjoon hesitated before reaching out and taking his hand. Jungkook’s smile widened, and his tattooed fingers curled around Namjoon’s and tugged him forward. “Jimin-ssi will be okay, he just gets protective,” he whispered as they stepped inside and Namjoon’s eyes flashed before he chose not to say anything.

He didn’t want to criticize Jimin because honestly, he understood his hesitation. He had been there when their Submissive was going through a vulnerable moment, Sub Drop was difficult on even a mature Submissive, and to be in a loud, strange environment, and to have a strange man kneeling beside him–Namjoon understood why Jimin had been tentative.

“Okay,” he settled for saying with a small nod and Jungkook smiled, pulling Namjoon into the house and through the first doorway they came across.

“Hyung!” Jungkook cried out, and it really seemed like Jungkook was definitely the baby of the cluster, which made it even more surprising that Seokjin had just left him alone with Namjoon. The room they had stepped into was a kitchen–a beautiful kitchen that would absolutely go to waste if it was in Namjoon’s home. He could count on one hand the amount of times he had used his own stove and oven, it was his microwave that got the most use, but it was clear that this kitchen was loved and used well. Jungkook released his hand and circled around the centre island, over to where there was a shorter man in front of the stove.

“Hello, little prince,” the mans voice rumbled in a pleasant way that made Namjoon’s head twitch.

“Hi, hyung,” Jungkook whispered, and he curled himself around the man, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pressing his face against the older mans.

“Don’t be rude, Jungkook-ah,” came a comment a few moments later, a hand petted Jungkook’s arm. “Introduce me.”

“Oh, yes!” Jungkook spun around, smiling brightly over at Namjoon. “This is Namjoon, Kim Namjoon! And this ,” he held his hands out in a flourish as he waved toward the man at the stove. “Is Min Yoongi,” he said with a big smile. “He’s your hyung too,” he added quickly, and Namjoon almost choked on his breath as he swallowed hard.

“I, uh–hello,” Namjoon bowed his head forward.

“Hello, Namjoon-ssi,” Min Yoongi gave him a small smile. He didn’t seem as bright and inviting as Jungkook and Seokjin, but at least he wasn’t outwardly attacking him like Jimin had. “Thank you for looking after our Jungkookie the other night.”

“Oh, no–it wasn’t–”

“ Stop brushing it off,” it was Seokjin who appeared behind him. “Jungkookie doesn’t often go into Sub Drop, and he’s never experienced it in public before,” he continued, confirming for Namjoon what he had suspected happened.

“It’s…It’s okay,” Namjoon murmured, and he watched as Jungkook shifted from where he had been beside Yoongi, instead moving over to Seokjin, his face going sombre at the mention of the other night. “I know it’s scary.” He’d experienced Sub Drop multiple times in horrible situations, a lot that he hadn’t been able to get out of, and they had been some of the most vulnerable and scariest moments of his life. He would never wish that on anyone.

“It is,” Jungkook mumbled, his nose twitching, and Namjoon made a sympathetic noise at the back of his throat, watching the way Jungkook sought sympathy from Seokjin’s broad body. He missed the look that Yoongi sent his way with narrowed, curious eyes, especially when Jimin came slowly into the room with his head turned down, looking more subdued than before. He glanced over at where Seokjin and Jungkook were, and then very briefly at Namjoon before shuffling over to where Yoongi was, purposefully circling the opposite way to where Namjoon was, and curling his arms around his waist.

“Anything I can help with, hyung?” He asked softly, and Namjoon couldn’t help but feel guilty. Jimin was speaking quietly, and making himself look even smaller than he was before, and that didn’t feel right. It didn’t matter if he was Dominant, or Submissive, or a Switch, this was his home, and Namjoon knew what it felt like to feel uncomfortable in his own home, and he knew that he was the reason that Jimin felt like that. He knew that Jungkook was talking to him again, but he couldn’t hear what he was saying, staring at where Jimin had his face buried between Yoongi’s shoulder blades, clinging to him for comfort.

“I have to go,” he announced, cringing when he realized how loudly he had spoken. But he resolved his expression quickly and straightened out his posture. “I’m really sorry,” he continued, trying to come up with something convincing on the spot. He had become good at portraying himself one way, and holding himself with confidence, but it was another thing to actually lie , and he hated doing that. He tried to be honest, even though he had been taught his entire life to conceal such a large part of himself.

“What?!” Jungkook pulled away from Seokjin.

“Is everything okay, Namjoon-ssi?” Seokjin looked genuinely worried. Namjoon was only looking at Jimin though, who had lifted his head and was looking at Namjoon suspiciously, still hugging Yoongi tightly. Jimin had only just noticed that Namjoon was looking directly at him , though, and he blinked in surprise, his expression shifting into something else, before he was looking toward Seokjin. He didn’t appear scared as he looked toward the Head Dom, which Namjoon was glad about, because the last thing he wanted to do was get anyone in trouble.

“Yeah, of course, everything is okay, I just–I just remembered something at work,” Namjoon fumbled over his words, and none of the men appeared to believe what he was saying. Especially Yoongi, it seemed, from the way he had blatantly turned around to face him and crossed his arms over his chest. But Namjoon needed to get out of there, already pulling out his phone in his shaking hand, trying to subtly pull up the app to call a ride.

“But you said you were free…” Jungkook’s voice trailed off, tilting his head to the side and looking at Namjoon with these big, puppy-dog eyes that made Namjoon want to crumble.

Honestly, there was nothing he wanted more than to stay. He really liked Jungkook, and Seokjin, and he had only just met Yoongi, but he liked him so far, and even though Jimin clearly didn’t want him there–he couldn’t help but like him too. This cluster seemed like a group of good people who cared about each other, and he was sure that they were lovely and kind and sweet, and–and he just didn’t belong here.

“I have a bad memory,” Namjoon supplied, almost as a question, and under the eyes of four men, it felt daunting, and wrong to lie.

But he needed to leave. Especially when his eyes drifted back to Jimin briefly, who was still hiding himself half behind Yoongi’s body, and that was wrong . He shouldn’t be hiding– concealing himself in his own home. Namjoon knows what that felt like, and he never wanted to do that to anyone.

“I’m sorry–I’m really sorry,” he rushed to say, before he was quickly turning around and stumbling down the hallway.

If he had thought he felt wrong when he had woken up this morning, it was nothing compared to what he felt now. His hands were shaking and his ears were ringing, and he felt like he was going to throw up. His fingers jabbed at the screen of his phone clumsily, attempting to order a car and trying to figure out where he was, and he felt his vision beginning to blur in the corners.

Muchlike Jungkook just a few nights ago, he was going into Sub Drop.

Namjoon could recognise the symptoms, even if he had been trying to ignore them this morning when he had woken up. He needed to get home, be somewhere safe and familiar, and just ride it out.

Sometimes he could shake the worst of the feelings overnight, other times it could take several days. But it was always better when he could get somewhere– his nest –as soon as possible.

“Namjoon-ssi,” it was Yoongi’s deep voice that spoke up from behind him, making Namjoon’s whole body jerk forward at the mention of his name. “I’ll drive you back.”

“But…You’re cooking dinner,” Namjoon replied briefly but Yoongi just shook his head once, swinging his keyring around a long, pale finger as he passed by Namjoon.

“I’ll drive you back,” he repeated, his voice resolute, and Namjoon barely hesitated before he trudged after him. There was some nervousness as Namjoon followed Yoongi out of the house, and to the car that was parked in the driveway, as opposed to where Seokjin had parked on the road outside. He was completely on edge now–he really wished he had his anti-anxiety medication on him now. He had a bottle at home, and a spare one at his office, but none in the bag he was carrying–he was going to need to remember to start carrying some around. His palms were sweaty and his breathing came out sharply as he got into the passenger seat, beside Yoongi. “Jiminie can seem intimidating, but he means well,” Yoongi said quietly, before he turned the key in the engine, and also reached forward to turn the radio on.

Namjoon was relieved that Yoongi didn’t seem interested in any kind of conversation, driving with the music playing, leaving Namjoon to stare out the window. It meant he could focus on his breathing, and the music that Yoongi was playing was actually something that Namjoon really enjoyed, an underground group that he was honestly surprised Yoongi had even heard of. If his head wasn’t spinning so much, he would have asked Yoongi about it, but instead he closed his eyes and chanted the words to the song in his head.

“What’s your address?” Yoongi asked as they got further into the city. Namjoon began to tell him before hesitating, given the excuse he had used to leave the house so quickly.

“Oh, uh, do you know where the main Hybe building is?” Namjoon asked, because most people did. It was a bit of a landmark, given the groups that had come out of the company-many that Namjoon had had the opportunity to work with and produce for.

“You work at Hybe?” Yoongi asked and Namjoon nodded. “You’ll have to share some of the tracks you’ve worked on with me sometime,” he said and Namjoon nodded again, more eagerly this time. He loved sharing his music with others–just experiencing music in general with others. He loved hearing that other people enjoyed and finding out why they connected with a particular piece. “So what’s your home address?” He repeated his earlier question and Namjoon’s lips parted, to mention the Hybe building again but Yoongi was already shaking his head. “I know you’re not going back to work, so were you going home, or to a friends place?”

Yoongi had obviously seen right through the excuse, and the others had probably as well, but Namjoon was grateful that they had chosen not to call him out on it.

“Um…My place,” Namjoon admitted quietly before giving the address of his apartment building. Yoongi hummed before turning the music back up, and thankfully not asking any questions, and Namjoon relaxed again after a few minutes had passed. The traffic was busier than it had been when they had been heading out of the city half an hour ago, and Namjoon felt bad for Yoongi, who was going to need to travel back through it on his way home again. When they pulled up in front of his apartment building, Yoongi slowed down and let the car idle, looking out the window.

“It’s nice,” he commented off-handedly, and Namjoon nodded absently.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he agreed. The whole building itself belonged to his mother, and even though she was never in the city, Namjoon couldn’t help but feel her presence whenever he was there, including in his apartment. It made the place feel lonely, and cold, and not his own. He had thought about moving somewhere else, but his mother had gotten snappy when he’d mentioned it in the and her eyes would flash in a way that made him want to cower.

He hadn’t said this to her explicitly, but he assumed that part of the reason why she wanted him to stay there was because she didn’t trust him and his ability to properly be on his own, even though he was completely capable of looking after himself. It was just another way that his family deemed Submissive’s as inferior and weak.

“Um, thank you for the ride,” Namjoon smiled across at Yoongi, who just dipped his head in a nod.

“Did Jungkookie get your contact information?” Yoongi asked, looking as though he knew the answer.

“Yeah, uh–he asked for it on the ride back to your place,” Namjoon answered and Yoongi hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’ll get those details from him then, and we’ll talk about music sometime, yeah?” Namjoon’s lips parted as he stared at Yoongi for a moment, because there was something in the way that Yoongi was talking to him that made him feel…Made him feel like maybe Yoongi could see right through him. Maybe he could see that Namjoon wasn’t the Dominant that others, including Yoongi’s lovers.

But that wasn’t anything they could explore right now–or ever, most likely.

“That sounds good,” Namjoon nodded and Yoongi nodded back. Namjoon swallowed hard before reaching to open the door. “Thank you for driving me home, Yoongi-ssi.”

“When were you born?” Yoongi asked, catching Namjoon off-guard not for the first time.

“Oh, uh–94.”

“Then Jungkookie was right. Hyung,” Yoongi replied, his eyes turning to look back out the front window. “Call me hyung.” Namjoon was glad Yoongi wasn’t looking at him anymore, because his cheeks reddened.

“Hyung,” he repeated back quietly.

For some reason–maybe just based on Namjoon’s previous life experience and everyone who had left him to the wayside in the past–he really hadn’t expected to hear from Jungkook or Yoongi or the rest of the people from their cluster, but he was wrong. The night that he had been brought back into the city to his apartment after attempting to have dinner with them, he thought that he had completely messed up and they wouldn’t want anything more to do with him. After they had gone through the effort to take him home, and then he started feeling a meltdown coming on and Yoongi had brought him back…He thought they wouldn’t want to see him again. They had no reason to see him again.

That was what he had told himself when he had been rocking himself to sleep in his nest, clutching at the soft blankets he had carefully laid around him.

Thankfully, he hadn’t gone into full Sub Drop. He had managed to get control of himself before that happened, implementing his coping strategies that he had learnt worked best for over the years. And when he had woken up in the morning, he had told himself he wasn’t going to think about the cluster anymore, because they weren’t his friends, they didn’t owe him anything, and he probably wouldn’t see them again.

He had never been so grateful to be wrong.

It was Jungkook who messaged him first, which was probably the least surprising part of the next series of events. He wanted to reschedule dinner and Namjoon had been hesitant at first, but then he received messages from Seokjin, and Yoongi.

Yoongi was the easiest one to talk to, because he always got straight to the point, and most of the time he wanted to talk about music, and Namjoon could talk about music for days on end. From the way that Yoongi spoke about music, Namjoon had initially thought that maybe he worked in the industry, but it turned out that he made custom furniture. Yoongi sent him photos and they were beautiful , and one of the afternoons when he was in the city to meet a client, he asked Namjoon if he wanted to meet for lunch. Namjoon hadn’t replied to the message for a few hours, trying to figure out why his heart rate was all over the place, before agreeing. When he showed up at the restaurant Yoongi had given him the address for, he hadn’t been expecting to see a second person there, and for a brief moment, he thought it was Jungkook and his step quickened.

But then he got closer, and he saw that it was someone else, the other man who had been with Jungkook and Jimin that first night he had seen them. He immediately slowed, wondering if that man was going to be angry at him in the same way Jimin was and he really hadn’t been prepared for that. But Yoongi twisted around in his seat as though he sensed Namjoon was there, and he lifted his hand in a short wave, which prompted the other man to turn around and face Namjoon fully.

He didn’t look like he was angry, like Jimin had been, so Namjoon inhaled deeply and kept walking toward them.

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi’s deep voice was comforting in a way that made Namjoon wanted to sway forward, but he forced himself not to. “Sit, sit,” he nodded across the table and Namjoon smiled at them before sitting opposite the two. “You’ve meet Taehyungie?” Taehyung smiled at him, his eyes bright and mouth adorably boxy, and Namjoon felt his breathing come a lot easier.

“Only briefly,” he murmured.

“I’m Kim Taehyung,” the man reached his hand out toward Namjoon, and Namjoon didn’t hesitate before taking it, bowing his head forward briefly.

“I’m Kim Namjoon,” he responded and Taehyung’s smile widened.

“I know,” he said. “Jungkookie and hyungs won’t stop talking about you.” Namjoon’s eyebrows rose as he looked between Taehyung and Yoongi, but Yoongi diverted the conversation.

“What do you want to eat, hm?” He prompted. “I already know what this kid wants.” Taehyung pouted as he turned toward Yoongi.

“I’m not a kid ,” he protested in a way that definitely made him sound like a kid. Yoongi obviously was just trying to get a rise out of him and there was a flicker of a smile on his face before his gaze redirected to Namjoon.

“Do you need some time to look at the menu?” He asked and Namjoon shook his head, not wanting to hold them up if they had already chosen their meals. He’d been to this place a handful of times, given it wasn’t too far away from his work, and so he chose something safe from the menu, and Yoongi pressed the button on the table to alert the waitstaff.

He wasn’t sure what to expect from lunch, especially since Taehyung was clearly close with Jimin who really didn’t seem to have the best opinion of Namjoon, but conversation was easy. Taehyung talked a lot, about all kinds of things, but as soon as Yoongi began to speak, Taehyung quietened down, looking at the older man with wide eyes and an enraptured expression. It was clear that Namjoon’s first impression of Taehyung was probably right, that he was a Submissive, but it was a bit more difficult to read Yoongi. Namjoon instinctively wanted to assume that he was a Dominant, given the way the man held himself, but there was just something that made him think it wasn’t the simple. He also knew the first impressions and assumptions weren’t always true or fair, given how many were made about him, and so he kept an open mind as he watched the pair across from him.

But with Taehyung…He was sure he was right about Taehyung.

He smiled and bowed his head when their meals were brought around, but he didn’t speak to the staff, and he clearly deferred to Yoongi, in a comfortable, familiar way that Namjoon was envious of. And after they finished their meals, when Yoongi started asking Namjoon about his music, Taehyung curled himself up on the seat and leaned against Yoongi’s side, seemingly happy to let the pair of them talk. Yoongi showed Namjoon pictures of the furniture he was working on, and Namjoon spoke about a couple of the pieces he was working on, and his eyes occasionally slid over to Taehyung, who was happily under Yoongi’s arm, looking as though there was nowhere else he would rather be.

“Jungkookie really wants you to come for dinner,” Taehyung piped up, the first words he had said in over half an hour, as they were getting ready to leave, and Namjoon’s mouth opened in surprise, not sure how to respond. But then Yoongi was nodding as well, looking across at Namjoon expectantly.

“Yes. And Jiminie owes you an apology,” he added, and Taehyung’s lips pursed together at that, not looking too pleased with the interjection, which made Namjoon feel uncertain.

“Oh–no, no he doesn’t,” he began to say. “He was just–he was just looking out for–”

“Jiminie owes you an apology, and he knows that,” Yoongi stated firmly. “Jungkookie told us that you were only helping him, and that you made him feel safe. Jimin just–”

“He thought you were trying to move in on Jungkook while he was alone,” Taehyung interrupted for the first time, his eyes darting toward Yoongi before continuing. Namjoon looked toward Yoongi as well, given he was the more Dominant between the two of them, and a lot of Dominant’s found it incredibly rude when they were interrupted. Yoongi just looked toward Taehyung with a peaceful expression, not appearing upset at all, and Taehyung easily continued. “We were just–we were scared and couldn’t find Jungkook–his phone had died and we kept calling him and he wasn’t answering–and then we found you two in that dark room, and you’re–” he broke off for a moment and shrugged his shoulder. “Well, you’re big and intimidating, you know?” Taehyung flashed a small smile that was probably meant to soften his words, and Namjoon knew he didn’t mean them in a bad way, but Namjoon couldn’t help the way he winced.

He knew he was big–tall, broad shoulders, strong biceps and thighs–and he knew he looked intimidating, but… He didn’t want to be .

But of course that was how people saw him. And that was why Jimin had been on edge around him.

Big. Intimidating.

Like a Dominant.

He forced himself to smile, dropping his head to look down at their empty dishes on the table, hoping that neither of them saw the way his expression had faltered.

“I understand,” he said quietly, because he did . He hated it, but he’d dealt with those assumptions his whole life, it was nothing different.

“So…Will you come to dinner?” Taehyung asked, and his expression was so hopeful, Namjoon couldn’t say no.

He didn’t want to say no.

“Okay,” he agreed softly.

Namjoon was more prepared the next time he went out to the clusters home for dinner. They decided on a weekend day, when he wouldn’t be working, and he spent the full day hyping himself up. His mood went up and down in waves, reassuring himself that it would be fine, he was just going for dinner with some acquaintances, potentially new friends, but then he would spiral downward again, questioning why he was overthinking it. He didn’t get this way usually when making friends, even though he really didn’t have many, and it was as though his brain was making this into a bigger situation than it needed to be.

It was because he had a bit of a crush–on Jungkook and on Yoongi.

And so his brain was working in overtime, putting things together that absolutely were not going to happen.

They were already an established cluster.

They weren’t interested in him romantically, and he had to stop that small part of his brain–and heart–from being hopeful.

It was Yoongi who arrived to pick him up, with Jungkook in the passenger seat, and the fact that it was the two of them who had come to get him made his heart beat faster as he approached the car. Jungkook jumped out of the passenger seat to come around and open the back door for Namjoon, and even though it might have just been something he was doing to be polite, but it still felt as though it was someone showing care for him. Looking out for him. Especially when Jungkook smiled widely at him and then closed the door gently behind him once he had slid inside.

He forced himself not to react, and instead put his seatbelt on and focussed on answering Yoongi when the man asked how his week had gone.

It was interesting watching Jungkook and Yoongi interact. Namjoon had seen Jungkook and Seokjin interact, and it was clear that Jungkook deferred to Seokjin, and then when he had seen Yoongi and Taehyung together, it was obvious that Taehyung submitted to Yoongi. And then there was Jimin of course, who clearly submitted to Seokjin, while both Taehyung and Jungkook seemed to defer to him…It would make sense that a few of them were Switches. It was unusual to have more than one Switch in a cluster, though–and that wasn’t just what his parents had told him growing up, that was what general society accepted. Namjoon didn’t agree with that, but that didn’t change what the general consensus was.

His parents hadn’t been part of a cluster, and that was something that Namjoon had always wondered about; if his upbringing would have been different if they had been.

Clusters were common, but not everyone was a part of them. It definitely helped to balance a person out when they were part of a cluster, but some people–particularly Dominant’s–decided that they were better off without them. Personally, Namjoon wished that he had been raised as the child of a cluster, with Submissives and Switches around him regularly, close as he grew up. Maybe then he wouldn’t have grown up feeling so ashamed of who he was.

When they arrived at the beautiful home for Namjoon’s second time, and he felt anxiety beginning to twist in the pit of his stomach. He already knew that Jimin wasn’t going to confront him in the same way he had the first time, and at least he knew what he was walking into, but he couldn’t help the way his shoulders pulled up toward his ears and he hunched himself forward as he followed after Jungkook and Yoongi. Jungkook looked back at him with a curious look, tilting his head to the side, and Namjoon instantly straightened up, trying to project the confidence he usually showed in public, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Jungkook saw through that. There had been a few times with Jungkook that Namjoon felt like maybe Jungkook had noticed things about him that gave away who he really was– what he really was–but then the younger man continued into the house after Yoongi and Namjoon followed.

“Namjoon-hyung!” Taehyung cried out from somewhere when he stepped into the house, and Namjoon felt that knot in his stomach begin to loosen. There was a sudden whirl of movement from down the hallway and Jungkook and Yoongi moved out of the way, and then Taehyung was standing in front of Namjoon. “Hi,” Taehyung’s voice was louder than it had been when they were at the restaurant–and Namjoon could understand that. He was obviously more comfortable here.

“Hi, Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon bowed his head forward respectfully, but Taehyung didn’t look satisfied with that.

“Can I hug you?” He asked bluntly, and Namjoon blinked, feeling his cheeks warm before he nodded, and Taehyung smiled, reaching forward to give Namjoon a quick, firm hug.

“Hey, that’s not fair! I didn’t get a hug!” Jungkook was pouting as he appeared back in front of them and Taehyung poked out his tongue, in a way that was both endearing and childish.

“Not my fault you didn’t ask,” Taehyung retorted and Jungkook narrowed his eyes at his lover before turning to Namjoon with a hopeful look.

“Can I please have a hug, Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook asked, tilting his head to the side and looking up at Namjoon from beneath his fringe with big, doe eyes that Namjoon had a feeling could get him absolutely anything he wanted.

Namjoon had that feeling, because he was instantly nodding, and then practically melting into Jungkook’s arms as the younger man stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Namjoon. The hug was longer than Taehyung’s, and Jungkook’s arms held him tighter, holding him higher than Taehyung did. It felt safe, and secure–not that Taehyung’s hadn’t, it was just different–and when Jungkook stepped back, Namjoon was more certain that he hadn’t been completely right about Jungkook the first time he had seen him.

He definitely wasn’t a Submissive, more likely a Switch. The way he made Namjoon feel when he was more level-headed and not feeling overwhelmed and in Subdrop like that first evening–it was similar to the way that Soyoon made him feel, and even Yoongi.

Taehyung and Jungkook lead Namjoon down the hall and toward the kitchen, almost identical to the path that Namjoon had taken last time he was here, but he walked a bit slower this time, things not feeling quite as overwhelming since he’d had time to prepare himself. He took in his surroundings, the photos and paintings on the wall, the plants that were looked after well, before his eyes landed on Taehyung and Jungkook, and he noticed a collar around Taehyung’s neck. He didn’t remember if he had seen any of the cluster wearing collars before, he felt as though he would have noticed before, but he may have missed it. The dark fabric around Taehyung’s throat was a subtle, day collar that was almost hidden by the jersey he was wearing, but it was definitely a collar.

Something that Namjoon had never had before.

Collars were typically for Submissives, and that wasn’t what anyone had ever wanted from him before.

“Namjoon-ah!” It was Seokjin who called out to him with a wide smile, and behind him, Jimin was standing with his head dipped forward, focussed on the dishes he was washing.

He was also wearing a collar, Namjoon noticed that quickly. He really wondered if he had missed them before, or maybe if the collars weren’t something that Submissives wore all the time anymore–it used to be a mark of ownership that Dominant’s had over Submissives, years and years ago, and now they weren’t as common. At least, not so much in public. During a Scene or sex, they were definitely something that were worn more often. But Jimin and Taehyung’s day collars were subtle, and suited them well.

Namjoon wondered if it gave them a sense of belonging; that was how he had always viewed it. What he always had hoped for if he was ever lucky enough to be collared.

“We’re so glad you made it!” Seokjin spoke with a wide smile that so naturally put Namjoon at ease. “And just in time–Hobah will be back any time now.” Namjoon’s widened in surprise at the mention of another member of their cluster. He shouldn’t be surprised, given it was common for clusters to be anywhere from a trio up to ten or eleven people, but the ones he had already met all seemed so close , he hadn’t been expecting a sixth.

It also just cemented for him that there really was no place for him with them beyond friendship, they were clearly well established in their relationship.

“Could you go set the table, Jiminie?” Seokjin’s attention shifted briefly to Jimin as Jungkook and Taehyung began helping with the salads that Seokjin was partway through, and Namjoon noticed that Yoongi had disappeared.

“Yes, hyung,” Jimin’s voice was quiet, but Namjoon heard. And even more surprisingly, when Jimin began gathering cutlery and paper towels, he approached Namjoon with a hesitance in his step. “Would you come with me…Hyung?” Jimin asked quietly, eyes flashing up to Namjoon, and the expression on his face definitely confirmed for Namjoon that Jimin wasn’t a Dominant, if the collar hadn’t given that away. Namjoon nodded once, his eyes flicking nervously over to the other three men in the room, who were all clearly pretending not to be paying attention to Namjoon and Jimin.

“Y-yes, of course,” Namjoon replied, hoping that his body language didn’t give away how nervous he was. A Dominant wouldn’t be nervous, and that confidence was what he tried to project–what he had always tried to project. There were chopsticks and serving cutlery and plates already laid out on the counter top, and Jimin obviously couldn’t carry them all, so Namjoon stepped forward to pick up the stack of plates and followed after Jimin into the adjoining dining room. They were quiet as Jimin took his time setting the table, and Namjoon awkwardly stood at one of the corners of the table, watching as the blonde man circled slowly around the table. He was thinking about backing away and walking back to the kitchen when Jimin finished his circle and ended up right in front of Namjoon, tipping his head back to meet his eyes determinedly.

Namjoon wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so close to Jimin in good light, and it was truly striking how beautiful the man was.

“I wanted to say sorry,” Jimin told him, and it was clearly difficult for him–Namjoon understood that, apologies usually weren’t easy –but he held Namjoon’s gaze. “I was–I get protective over my boyfriends, but–especially with Tae and Jungkookie. Jungkook hadn’t felt too good that night, when we went out to the club, and I–” Jimin’s nose twitched and he finally looked down, one of his hands coming up to touch his collar, rubbing softly at the material as though grounding himself. “I was the one who asked Jungkookie to come out that night, and I kept asking even though he didn’t really want to come, and so when we couldn’t find him and then I saw him and he was Dropping, I just–” Jimin heaved out a heavy breath before looking back up at Namjoon. “I blamed myself and I was scared, especially when I saw a stranger there with him, and I just panicked. Jungkookie told me later that you didn’t do anything to him, but then when you showed up here–when you were invited here–” he corrected himself quickly, with a firm nod. “I just panicked again. I’m really sorry for the way I spoke to you.” Namjoon swallowed hard as he stared down at Jimin, processing everything that had just been said before he realized that Jimin was waiting for a reply.

“Oh– oh ,” he shook his head quickly with a rueful smile. “No, I–I understand. I know that you were just looking out for your cluster. I…” he trailed off and it was his turn to look away, his eyes finding a large photo on a nearby wall of the six boyfriends. “I think they’re really lucky to have you.” Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise before pink was staining his cheeks and he dipped his head forward.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “I’m lucky to have them.” They were all lucky, Namjoon’s thoughts hummed, but he didn’t say that out loud. Jungkook poked his head around the corner which thankfully saved Namjoon and Jimin from any lingering awkwardness, eyes flicking between them before speaking up.

“Hyung’s home,” he announced, and Jimin visibly perked up, holding himself back for a moment to bow politely at Namjoon before he was leaving the room, and Jungkook turned to watch him leave before he was looking back at Namjoon. There was something in Jungkook’s expression that Namjoon didn’t recognise, but then it was gone, and he was smiling at Namjoon. “Are you ready for dinner?” He asked.

Dinner was…Fun.

It was rowdy and exciting, and everyone talked over each other as they spoke about their day, but whenever Seokjin or Jung Hoseok–who was the sixth member of their cluster that Namjoon just met that evening–spoke up, asking a question or looking at someone directly, the rest had a habit of falling silent. It was clear that they were both Dominant’s, but something else that was clear was that they were good Dominant’s.

Seokjin clearly fussed over what everyone was eating–including Namjoon–and Hoseok was full of smiles and seemed so easy going, but it was clear that he was paying extra attention to Jimin, who was the quietest at dinner. Jungkook and Taehyung spoke over both of them a few times and they didn’t look scared or upset when they were quietly corrected. They whispered quick apologies before continuing eating, and then would pick up their conversation once others had quietened down. Namjoon remembered being terrified of his parents when he was younger when he accidentally overstepped, the glares they would give him which promised of physical ‘correction’ later, and as he had gotten older, the only Dominant’s he ever ended up in bed with were the same kind. He knew not all Dominant’s were that way–Soyoon absolutely wasn’t, but it also wasn’t as though he was attracted to her at all. He had sometimes wondered if there was just something in him that only called out to strict, almost brutish Dominant’s.

He blamed himself, like with everything.

“Do you play videogames?” Jungkook asked as the table was being cleared, his big eyes fixed excitedly on Namjoon, and Namjoon almost felt guilty for his response.

“No,” he winced and Jungkook pouted for a moment before perking up.

“Did you want to watch a movie?” He asked and Namjoon nodded with a smile. “Come on!” Jungkook held out a hand toward Namjoon, and Namjoon hesitated briefly, his eyes sliding over to where Hoseok was still seated opposite him, but the Dominant just kept smiling. His hand was resting around the back of Jimin’s neck, and Jimin’s eyes were barely open, his chair shuffled closer to Hoseok and his body limp at the simple touch of Hoseok’s hand. Namjoon swallowed hard as he tore his eyes away and took Jungkook’s outstretched hand.

Jungkook’s hand was warm, and strong, and Namjoon wasn’t sure how he missed the tattoo’s on his hand before, looking down at their intertwined fingers as Jungkook lead him out of the dining room. Jungkook didn’t let go of his hand, even when they sat down on the couch, and Namjoon wondered if he was aware of the way that his thumb kept brushing over the back of his hand, or if it was just instinctual.

Yoongi and Taehyung joined them, Taehyung sitting on the floor in front of Jungkook and leaning his head back against his knee, while Yoongi curled up in an armchair and pulled a blanket over his lap. It didn’t look as though he was watching what was on TV, his gaze more directed at the couch where Namjoon, Jungkook and Taehyung were, but he didn’t look bothered by the fact that Namjoon was sitting with his lovers. There was clear trust between all of them, and Namjoon just…He wished he had that.

And as the evening went on, that feeling settled in his chest like a heavy weight.

Seokjin came in at one point, ruffling Jungkook’s hair as he passed by the couch and just smiling in amusement when Jungkook grumbled and tried to flatten his hair back down, before moving over to where Yoongi was. He leaned forward, saying something quietly to Yoongi and then kissing him on the forehead before he was leaving the room again. Namjoon’s eyes followed him as far as he could without turning his head, and then Jungkook was squeezing his hand and looking at him in mild concern.

“Is everything okay?” He whispered, and Taehyung’s head immediately twisted around to look up at them, and Namjoon quickly nodded and smiled at them, turning his attention back to the movie. Or at least, he focussed his eyes on the TV, he wasn’t even sure what they were watching because it felt as though every one of his senses was completely attuned to the way Jungkook’s thumb hadn’t stopped running over his knuckles and the back of his hand. It was only a small movement, but Namjoon felt it everywhere .

His toes kept twitching and curling inside his slippers, and there were goosebumps spread over his shoulders and thighs, and the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end. He was hyper aware of Jungkook’s casual touches, and when Taehyung shifted so that he could rest back between Jungkook and Namjoon, and his shoulders leaned against both of their knees, he swallowed hard. It felt easy and domestic, as though he belonged there with them.

Namjoon absolutely needed a moment to breathe.

“Um, can I–where is the bathroom?” Namjoon asked tentatively, but Jungkook replied without hesitation.

“There’s one down the hall on the left, or if you go up the stairs, there’s one right at the end,” Jungkook replied.

“The one upstairs is the nicer one,” Taehyung added, still facing the TV, and Namjoon nodded, sending Jungkook a small smile before carefully extricating himself from the couch. Jungkook squeezed his hand and pouted playfully as Namjoon let go of his hand, and Namjoon chewed down nervously on his lower lip, ducking his head as he left the lounge.

He hoped Jungkook would hold his hand again when he came back, but he wasn’t sure if the opportunity would present itself as naturally as it had before.

Namjoon chose to go to the upstairs bathroom to buy himself some extra time, and it also let him explore a little more. There were photos and paintings all over the walls–photos of all six of them, photos of them in pairs or smaller groups or with people Namjoon didn’t recognise and assumed were friends or family. There was a large picture of Totoro that was framed near the top of the stairs and as Namjoon got closer, he saw that it was actually a puzzle, which made Namjoon smile as he tilted his head to the side as he examined it.

Jungkook had said the bathroom was right at the end of the hallway, and he did actually need to go, he didn’t just want some space, and so he continued right down to the end and found the bathroom easily. He took longer than necessary, splashing water on his face and staring at himself in the mirror, before finally deciding to leave and rejoin the others downstairs. He dried off his hands and patted down his face, running his fingers through his hair and then opened the bathroom door to step outside. He was halfway down the hall, thinking about the way Jungkook’s tattooed fingers had looked between his, when he heard a sound that had him slowing.

It almost sounded as though someone was crying.

Namjoon frowned as he turned to look back at one of the doors that wasn’t closed properly, half open and a dim light coming from inside. He stepped forward with a frown as his hand pressed against the door, pushing it open a little more before his eyes flashed wide.

It was Jimin.

And Seokjin and Hoseok.

But it was Jimin who had made the whimpering noise that Namjoon had heard.

Jimin wasn’t naked, but he was wearing a lot less than he had been at the dinner table earlier, and he was kneeling in front of a large chair, looking up to where Seokjin was sitting tall and proud. Hoseok was further back, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed over his chest, and his expression was settled into something much more serious than it had been at dinner. He didn’t look angry , but he did look…Well, dominant. Namjoon definitely wouldn’t want to upset him. He looked almost scary as he regarded Jimin, and even from his distance, Namjoon could see the way Hoseok’s eyes were running over Jimin’s body–something that he absolutely could not be faulted for.

Namjoon should leave.

What was happening was private between the three of them, that was clear. It really wasn’t his place to be seeing Jimin kneeling between two Dominant’s with his head hanging and his hands resting on his knees, palms upward, and yet Namjoon couldn’t step away.

“Please, Daddy…” Jimin's voice was hoarse and Namjoon blinked as Seokjin leaned forward. “I–I said sorry. And I am –I am sorry,” he continued. “I’m sorry for what I said, and how I treated our guest–I know I shouldn’t have spoken that way to Namjoon-ssi.” Namjoon did not expect to hear his name, and he instantly felt guilt rising up in his chest.

“I know you’re sorry, Jiminie,” Seokjin spoke as he leaned forward, and he cupped Jimin’s face, lifting his head so that they were looking at each other. Jimin was just in a small pair of shorts, bare other than the collar around his throat, and his cheeks looked tear stained. “Hoseokie,” Seokjin continued, his fingers still firmly holding Jimin’s face. “Do you think he deserves to cum?” Jimin swayed forward, and his answer was very clear, but he pressed his lips together to stop himself from saying anything, his body tense and trembling. Namjoon’s eyes flicked toward Hoseok, whose expression was quiet and considering before pushing away from the wall and slowly approaching Jimin.

Namjoon could completely understand the trembling from Jimin, he wasn’t even the focus of attention of the two Dominant’s and he felt tense just watching the scene unfold in front of him.

One of Hoseok’s hands threaded through Jimin’s hair, tugging at it firmly until Jimin’s head was pulled back, looking up at Hoseok and drawing in a sharp breath.

“You want to cum, baby?” Hoseok asked and Jimin let out a desperate whine from deep in his throat. Hoseok smiled at that, but it was nothing like the smile that he’d given Namjoon around the dinner table. It was hungry and full of teeth and Namjoon felt his knees go weak. “Hm? I can’t hear you.”

“ Yes , hyung, I–I want to cum. Please ,” Jimin begged, and Hoseok’s eyes lifted to meet Seokjin’s. Hoseok’s hand loosened in Jimin’s hair before he was dropping to kneel behind him, and his arms circled around Jimin’s waist, one hand moving to rest between his legs and Namjoon watched as Jimin’s chest began to rise and fall more rapidly.

And then Namjoon got to see Jimin’s face as he fell apart, his pink lips falling open as he fell back against Hoseok’s chest. His breathing was rapid and he reached back to grip at Hoseok’s arms to try and steady himself, and Hoseok was whispering in his ear as his hand continued to rub over Jimin’s lap, massaging him through the thin material of his briefs to the point of overstimulation.

He looked ethereal.

Namjoon knew he was hard, but he kept his hands firmly at his side, his feet feeling as though they were glued to the hardwood floor. He was completely enraptured by what was unfolding in front of him, and it was only when Hoseok suddenly lifted his head and looked toward the doorway, his eyes locking on Namjoon, that he stumbled backwards, his heart thudding in his chest as he all but spun on his heel and ran away.

“You’ve been pretty busy these days,” Jackson Wang commented as he threw a chip into his mouth, lounging on Namjoon’s desk as though he owned the place–which was pretty common for Jackson. “Have you met someone? Someone’s ?” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows and Namjoon just rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair and looked up at Jackson.

“ No ,” he replied and Jackson just gave him a look .

“That’s not what Mark said,” he grinned knowingly. “He said he saw you at a restaurant with a pretty guy, tattoos and long hair.” Jungkook. Namjoon had met Jungkook for lunch a few days ago because he was nearby for an appointment. Not his appointment, but Jimin’s, and Jimin had ended up joining them right near the end of their meal, quietly sliding into the barstool beside Jungkook and stolen the last few bites of the third bowl of ramen Jungkook had ordered.

Namjoon had tried not to blush at the memory of when he had last seen Jimin, and that was easier when Jimin joined in with the conversation a couple of times.

Jungkook had hugged Namjoon tightly before he had left and while Jimin hadn’t , he had given Namjoon a small smile, and it had seemed genuine. Clearly Hoseok hadn’t told him about what he had caught Namjoon witnessing.

“ Ah !” Jackson jabbed his finger at Namjoon with a knowing smile. “ Him , you’re thinking about him right now. I can see it all over your face.” Namjoon rolled his eyes again , but he couldn’t help his own smile.

Jackson was a Submissive as well, although he didn’t know that Namjoon was one. Jackson wasn’t a typical Submissive, and Namjoon looked up to him a lot. He wore a collar all the time, not like the Submissive’s in Jungkook’s cluster who only seemed to wear them at home, given Namjoon hadn’t seen them outside their home once, but Jackson wore his proudly. Mark Tuan was his Dominant, and there was also Kunpimook Bhuwakul–BamBam–and Namjoon wasn’t sure if they had figured out where he fit in yet, but he was just waiting to find out when something was made official. He was sure that it was going to happen soon.

There had been a lot of times when Namjoon had thought about telling Jackson that he was a Submissive as well–Soyoon had definitely encouraged it, given she was the only one outside of his immediate family and grandmother who knew about his designation. There had been a couple of times that he had thought about telling Jackson, but…Like with most people he got close to, he held back.

“It’s not like that,” Namjoon replied, rubbing a hand over his face and wondering why he felt so hot. It wasn’t because of Jackson’s teasing either, he had been getting these weird hot and cold flashes all day and he had barely been able to pay attention to the track he was editing all day.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jackson tilted his head to the side, no longer looking like he was teasing, his eyes narrowing in concern.

“Yeah,” Namjoon winced, reaching for one of the many cups of coffee that were littered across his desk, and then made a face when he sipped from the cup and the coffee inside was cold. “I don’t know–I think I might be getting a cold or something. Maybe I’m just not sleeping well.” He was definitely not sleeping well, that was for certain, but he didn’t think that was the whole reason he was feeling like this.

It was probably because he hadn’t been Spaced in a long time. He really needed to find a Dominant who could help with that–ring up one of the services that he usually used. It wasn’t as satisfying as what he imagined being with someone completely, someone that he trusted and could really let himself go with, but it was better than nothing. And it had been a long time, and that was becoming more evident the longer he was around the cluster.

“You should go home, get some rest,” Jackson suggested quietly. Usually Namjoon didn’t like leaving work early–he liked his job and he was good at it–but he might actually take Jackson’s advice this time.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I think I will.” Jackson looked surprised at how easily Namjoon had agreed, but he nodded slowly and pushed off the desk. Namjoon began clearing his rubbish off his workspace, easily dividing it up between his rubbish bin and the recycling, wrinkling his nose at the fact that he had really made a mess of things in his office recently. He’d been ordering in food and barely finishing it, and it kind of smelt stuffy in here because he hadn’t aired it out or replaced the incense in his diffuser. The only time he had felt a little bit like himself had been when he’d had lunch with Jungkook and Jimin, and even then, it hadn’t lasted long.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Jackson said as he headed toward the door, his expression still concerned.

“I’ll be fine–but thank you,” Namjoon smiled over at Jackson, because he knew Jackson meant it. He’d helped Namjoon out a lot over the years, even though he probably didn’t realize the extent of it.

“I hope you feel better soon,” Jackson smiled back before he slipped out the door, closing it again behind him. Namjoon finished cleaning up his office space until it was more presentable before grabbing his bag, his mask and phone and leaving through the same door Jackson had. He only lived a few blocks away from work–the apartment he lived in now was one of his biggest splurge after he’d been promoted at his job, getting a nice place that was close to work, so he could bike or walk. Most of the time he walked, but sometimes he overslept and it was quicker for him to get there biking, and then he would take a long way home, through the park.

Today, it was a slow walk home, and while he put his headphones in, he didn’t realize that he hadn’t put any music on by the time he was halfway home, and even then, he didn’t bother. When he got home, he showered and fell into bed and was asleep almost instantly.

There was some kind of virus going around and apparently Namjoon had gotten it. While he hated being sick, he was glad that he had an excuse for not feeling well other than the fact he wasn’t looking after his Submissive side. He had a lot of equipment at home so he could do some of his work there, and work on lyrics that he was helping a young group with, but he was only useful for a couple of hours before he couldn’t focus anymore and ended up back in bed, or wrapped up in a blanket on his couch. Usually when he had a cold, he would feel horrible for a day and then he could get back to his life with a scratchy throat and a runny nose, wearing a mask and keeping himself locked in his office at work. But this was different, and after three days he was pretty sure he actually felt worse .

Jungkook wasn’t someone who seemed particularly interested in holding conversations via text, he preferred to just send memes or links to Tiktoks, and Yoongi was similar, keeping things blunt and short. Taehyung, though, and even Seokjin were more talkative–but Taehyung particularly had gotten curious when Namjoon was taking longer than usual to respond. When Namjoon had told him he was sick, the last thing he had expected was to get a call from Yoongi asking what his apartment number was, and for him to let them in.

“Oh, but–I’m sick,” Namjoon had to pull the phone away from his ear to cough so that it didn’t go directly into the speaker.

“We know, we’ve got masks and Seokjin has been stocking us up on Vitamin C,” Yoongi sounded unbothered. “Let us up, Namjoon-ah.” Namjoon knew he could say no, but the simple order from Yoongi made his shoulders relax and the buzzing in his ears faded.

“Okay,” his voice was quiet as he agreed, telling Yoongi his apartment number and then alerting the front desk to the fact there were guests coming up. He knew Yoongi knew which building he lived in after he had dropped Namjoon off, and picked him up–but he absolutely hadn’t expected him to just show up. He was still standing in the middle of his lounge, his thoughts fuzzy and just circling through the thought of Yoongi being in his apartment, he didn’t even realize how much time had passed before there was a knock at his door. Namjoon blinked, shaking his head and coughing a few times, grabbing for his mask and putting it on before he answered the door.

It wasn’t just Yoongi. Jungkook and Taehyung stood behind them, all holding bags in their hands and wearing masks, big, concerned eyes staring at him.

“Take that off, you’re in your own home,” Yoongi said by way of greeting as he stepped into the apartment. Namjoon didn’t even have time to argue or to point out where the slippers were before Taehyung and Jungkook were following after him, glancing around and then beelining toward where the shoes were piled in one corner.

“No, I’m sick, I don’t want–”

“Take your mask off,” Yoongi repeated. “Go sit on the couch and get comfortable.” It didn’t take long for him to locate the kitchen and head through after changing into slippers, Taehyung and Jungkook trailing after him like well-trained puppies. Namjoon looked after them, before looking at his front door, and then toward the lounge, and then back toward the kitchen. His brain felt as though it hadn’t quite comprehended what was happening.

Yoongi was in his apartment. So were Jungkook and Taehyung. In his home.

Horror caught up with his situation as he realized what a mess the place was, his wide eyes spinning around toward the lounge, where there were tissues overflowing from the bin beside the couch, and multiple empty bottles of electrolytes and water and a pile of medication that he’d had delivered from a local pharmacy. He lurched forward unsteadily, his body sluggish and his brain feeling as though it was filled with cotton balls, but he still tried to clean up as best as possible.

“ Hyung ,” it was Jungkook’s whine that had him turning around and blinking slowly. “What are you doing ? We came here to take care of you– stop that ,” he walked forward quickly, taking the rubbish Namjoon had just gathered into his arms, and then grabbing at the empty bottles as Namjoon tried to pick those up as well.

“I can look after myself,” Namjoon began to protest, even though Jungkook’s words repeated over and over in his head. We came here to take care of you . That was what he wanted–desperately–to have someone, or someones , look after him, but it still wasn’t easy for him to allow that to happen. Technically, it was natural, but after years of suppressing his needs, it was difficult for him to let down those walls that had built up inside him.

“We know you can ,” Taehyung appeared behind Jungkook, his boyfriend stepping aside to allow Taehyung to shuffle closer with one of Namjoon’s mugs in his hands. It was actually one of Namjoon’s favourite mugs, and it made him feel strangely seen , even though there was no way Taehyung would have been able to know it was Namjoon’s favourite. “But you don’t have to.”

“We want to look after you,” Jungkook added with such an earnest expression that Namjoon had to drop his eyes, taking the mug from Taehyung’s hands.

“It’s lemon, honey and ginger–and hyung added a few other things to help with your cold,” Taehyung told him.

“I…I’m pretty sure all I have in my fridge is milk and an old apple,” Namjoon mumbled in confusion as he lifted the mug to his lips and tasted the tea. It was warm and tasty and soothed his throat as he swallowed it down, warming him from the inside.

“We brought groceries!” Came a shout from the kitchen. “You just sit down and we’ll take care of everything else!” Jungkook and Taehyung nodded along with Yoongi’s words, smiling at Namjoon before Taehyung was heading back into the kitchen and Jungkook began to fuss about the lounge, tidying things up since he had clearly realized that that was something Namjoon wanted done. He really didn’t like mess, it made his mind feel cluttered, but he just hadn’t had the energy to tidy up after himself in the past few days. To be fair, even when he was feeling good, he wasn’t always the tidiest, even though he wished he was.

Jungkook, on the other hand, clearly had enough energy, and it seemed as though he actually enjoyed cleaning up. Or maybe he just enjoyed poking around at Namjoon’s stuff, because he took his time when studying the paintings on Namjoon’s wall or the books and photographs on his shelves–and Namjoon couldn’t blame him. He had definitely done the same when he had been in their home.

“Where do you keep your blankets?” Taehyung asked as he came in not long after, looking down into the mug that Namjoon still had clasped in his hands. “Drink up,” he chided gently, a big hand resting underneath the mug and gently lifting it up toward Namjoon’s mouth. Namjoon blinked at Taehyung before obeying, and Taehyung rewarded him with a beautiful smile. Namjoon couldn’t actually see that smile, because Taehyung was wearing a mask, just like Jungkook and Yoongi were, but he could see the way Taehyung’s cheeks bunched up and his eyes shone.

Namjoon wished he could see that smile.

“Blankets?” Taehyung repeated and Namjoon’s eyes flicked to the left, where he had a trunk filled with blankets that he often used when Soyoon was over, or in the Winter…Or more commonly when he was feeling like he just needed to be surrounded by softness. He didn’t even think about the fact that his choice of blankets were probably not very Dominant –all fluffy and pastel colours–but Taehyung didn’t even hesitate when he opened the trunk and saw them, pulling two out and coming back over to Namjoon. Namjoon reached out a hand weakly toward Taehyung to take the blanket, but the man ignored it, purposefully dodging around his hand and laying a blanket over Namjoon’s lap, tucking it around him, before wrapping the other around Namjoon’s shoulders. He fussed over the blankets before he motioned toward the mug in Namjoon’s hands again. “Drink up,” he repeated, petting Namjoon’s hair before he walking back to the kitchen to join Yoongi, and Jungkook followed after him not long after, stopping by Namjoon to stroke his hair like Taehyung had.

Namjoon’s body felt heavy, and it wasn’t the cold that had been weighing him down.

It was that feeling of being looked after that was sinking down deep into his bones.

He could hear Yoongi, Jungkook and Taehyung talking quietly amongst themselves in the kitchen and there was the clatter and bustle of whatever they were doing in there–Namjoon really didn’t care if they ended up making the biggest mess, this was the best he had felt in so long.

His head felt light when Jungkook came back into the lounge to take the empty mug from his hand and then replace it with another drink, and then Yoongi came in with a bowl of dakjuk.

“Eat,” Yoongi murmured. “It will make you feel better.” The thought of protesting, or asking any questions, didn’t even occur to him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled as he had his first spoonful, and then let out a loud, very unattractive moan.

It was incredible.

Yoongi had clearly prepared food before coming over, because Namjoon swore it had barely taken him any time to make this meal. He shovelled more into his mouth–he’d barely eaten in the past few days, uninterested in the food he ordered in, but this was incredible. And it wasn’t just the food– all of this was incredible.

Jungkook played around with his record player in the corner of the room, and Namjoon didn’t even think about warning him to be careful, because he trusted that Jungkook would be. He put on an older record, turning it down so that it only played quietly, and the soothing music, along with the warm dakjuk and the lemon drink…Namjoon’s head felt silent and filled with cotton wool. Jungkook came to sit down beside him, moving his dishes out of the way when he was done and then looking at Namjoon with a gentle smile.

“Can I rub your shoulders?” He asked quietly and Namjoon blinked at him, not quite as taken aback as he would have been when the men had first come into the apartment. “I’m good at massaging,” Jungkook added with a half smile. “Jimin and Hoseok always come to me first when they need one.” Namjoon’s lips twitched before he was nodding in agreement, and Jungkook instantly moved to sit beside him on the couch. “Just shuffle around a bit,” he murmured and Namjoon complied. One of his luxury purchases last year had been the huge couch they were sitting on, where there was definitely enough room for him to turn sideways and cross legged, his body slumping forward a little as Jungkook gently rubbed his hands up and down his back.

It felt amazing .

Jungkook peeled the blanket away from Namjoon’s shoulders, and he began softly. His thumbs pressed into the tense muscle, and Namjoon had to fight not to let out a long, loud groan. Jungkook’s skilled fingers moved from his shoulders, to the base of his neck and then to the back of his skull before working their way back down again. Namjoon’s body swayed from side-to-side with the motion of Jungkook’s hands, and his head was becoming heavier with every passing second, drooping lower and lower in front of him.

Absently, he was aware of Taehyung coming into the room and talking quietly, and the music that was still playing faintly, and some movement beside him–maybe his dishes being cleared away–but all he was focussed on was the way that Jungkook was touching him. He was gentle but firm, and he worked at the knots he found in Namjoon’s left shoulder and then pressed in deep where it was sore around his shoulder blades.

Jungkook was massaging him over top of his shirt, through the material of his sweatshirt and the tank top he had underneath, but it was still the most relaxing, intimate touch that Namjoon had had in a long time. The care that Jungkook was taking–as he shifted to sit in front of Namjoon and began massaging his hands, working each of his fingers and then stretching them out, rubbing his thumbs into Namjoon’s palms, and it was around that point that Namjoon couldn’t help but let out a low moan. His eyes flashed open immediately, but Jungkook was focussing on his hands, and digging his thumbs into Namjoon’s wrist and rubbing up his forearm, and Namjoon could vaguely make out the sounds of Yoongi and Taehyung coming into the lounge, and someone sat down behind him, but…He didn’t know who. He didn’t care who. It was either Taehyung or Yoongi, and he felt safe with either of them.

He felt safer than he had in a long time. Not just physically but…Mentally. Emotionally.

He could feel his Submissive side being coaxed out gently, feeling reassured that he could just… Be .

Jungkook kept massaging his hands and forearms, and then there was a hand in his hair, gently rubbing at his scalp and Namjoon really didn’t stand a chance.

He fell asleep between the men, his body feeling heavy while his mind felt light.

He felt so good.

When Namjoon woke up, it was dark other than a lamp in the corner of the room.

And he was alone.

Namjoon’s head whipped from side-to-side, looking for someone– anyone . But Taehyung, Jungkook, Yoongi–they were gone.

His breathing came out rapidly, short and sharp bursts of air that felt harsh as they rattled through his chest, his legs feeling wobbly and as though they were going to give out beneath him as he clutched at the blanket around his shoulders. His thoughts rushed through his mind so fast he could barely make sense of them, his eyes squinting as he felt a migraine abruptly coming on.

They were the same thoughts that he’d had for years that kept repeating, loud and screaming at him.

They had left him alone.

He hadn’t been good enough.

He was never good enough.

They had left him.

They didn’t want him.

He was alone.

Like always.

Notes:

i knoooow , i'm sorry for ending it there - but i'm hoping to have the next chapter up very shortly!!
please let me know what you think :)))
and i hope you have an amazing/day or night wherever you are x
if you'd like to follow me on my socials, you can do that if you'd like to find me on twitter, you can do that here
or if you'd like to find me on bluesky, you can do that here
xx

Chapter 2 Notes:

back with the next chapter ! i wonder if any of you can guess who namjoon's first kiss in the cluster is going to be...

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The following weeks were awful.

Namjoon had never Dropped this hard before–not ever.

He ended up taking a few more days off work even though his cold was gone, but somehow he felt even worse than when he’d had a temperature and couldn’t stop coughing. Namjoon was no stranger to depression, to the lulls that would happen occasionally, but this was different, this was much worse.

The night that Jungkook, Yoongi and Taehyung had come over to visit him and had then left, Namjoon hadn’t even been able to get himself to his bedroom. He had collapsed when he’d realized that he had been left alone in the dark, cold apartment, and hadn’t been able to control his shivering and racing thoughts. He hadn’t even realized how viciously he had been biting on his lower lip and scratching at his arms until a few days later, when he had finally managed to drag himself into the shower and had winced at the stinging from the hot shower. And then when he had properly looked at the blankets he’d had around them, there were blood stains that he would need to scrub at before putting them through the wash.

Blood stains on his favourite blankets.

That had sent him even deeper into his spiral that he had only just managed to claw his way out of.

There was food that had been left in the kitchen–after over twenty-four hours had passed, the hunger in Namjoon’s stomach had driven him to stagger into the kitchen, listlessly looking into the fridge and seeing the meals that had been left for him. All sealed in containers, seemingly made with love and care, except they obviously weren’t .

If the people who made them cared about Namjoon and his well-being, they wouldn’t have lulled him into a trusting, Submissive headspace and then left him .

Namjoon threw the food out–all of it.

The containers and all.

He threw them into the rubbish with as much force as he could muster and then kicked his bin so hard that two of his toes bruised.

And then he’d waited for food to be delivered and left at the door, which he barely managed to eat, feeling it congeal in his stomach and settle there uncomfortably until he lurched toward the sink and threw everything up. There was barely anything in his stomach and then there was the sour taste of bile when there was nothing left for him to throw up, and Namjoon felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes.

He felt pathetic.

He was pathetic.

There was a reason why Namjoon fought so hard to keep his Submissive side locked down, held back, hidden away. There had never been anyone he fully trusted to look after him–even the Dominant’s he hired sometimes or when Soyoon would help him let go a bit, there was always a part of him holding back.

It wasn’t good for him, he knew that, but neither was this .

There had been a lot of times in Namjoon’s life where he had felt powerless, but he didn’t think he’d ever felt so weak. So pathetic. So at the mercy of someone else.

And that someone else– those someone elses –they didn’t care.

They didn’t want him.

If Namjoon’s mind was a bit more logical, he would have read the messages that were coming in from Jungkook, and Taehyung, and Seokjin, and Yoongi–and even Hoseok and Jimin when they received no response.

But he deleted every single one that appeared on his screen, at first hesitantly, mulling it over in his mind, wondering if he should read them, or reply, because maybe they were worried about him. Maybe they cared. But then his anger caught up to him, because if they cared, they wouldn’t have left him. They wouldn’t have abandoned him after coaxing him into a sense of security–they wouldn’t have made him feel as though he was falling into their arms, and then ripped that safety out from underneath him.

It was nearly two weeks that Namjoon ended up taking off work–the longest that he’d ever been off–and even once he had gone back, he still felt run down and strung out. He kept a mask over the lower half of his face and a beanie pulled down close to his eyes, trying to cover how pale and drawn he looked, and given he mainly worked alone in his office, it was easy. Although not so much when Jackson came to visit him, or Choi Soobin and Choi Yeonjun stopped by–and the younger ones in particular made Namjoon feel guilty, because he knew he wasn’t giving them the support that they were hoping to get from him, and he could tell they were worried.

“Hyung-nim?” Soobin asked quietly, and behind him Yeonjun was chewing down on his lower lip. “I know–I know you were sick last week…Are you still feeling unwell?” Namjoon tried to clear his throat and force a nod, but based on the way Soobin and Yeonjun’s eyes just widened, he guessed that it wasn’t all that reassuring.

They were members of a group that had debuted two years ago, and Namjoon had worked with them since they debuted. They were young, but they were smart and they were kind, and all five of them were in a cluster. There weren’t a lot of groups that debuted that were clusters–there had been a lot of misconceptions about how it would be distracting and potentially blow the whole group up if the cluster disintegrated, wasting all that money and time that had gone into their creation. Executives always thought of groups as an investment before thinking of them as people , and Namjoon was glad he’d found a company to work for that tried to do things a little differently.

So far, it seemed to be paying off.

Soobin was a good Dominant, and he took care of his cluster first and foremost, while balancing their professional responsibilities. That was evident in all of his cluster–Yeonjun right now looked rested and his skin practically glowed, despite the demanding schedule that they currently had.

Namjoon didn’t like to feel jealousy toward anyone, it could never lead anywhere good, but with how drained he felt right now, he just…He wished he had something like that. Something like Soobin and Yeonjun and their cluster, or Jackson and his, or…Or Jungkook and Yoongi and Taehyung and Seokjin and Hoseok and Jimin’s.

“I’m just tired,” Namjoon murmured. “But–ai, I should finish up early here.”

“We can tidy up, hyung-nim!” Yeonjun offered quickly. “You go home!”

“No, no, I can do this–”

“ Hyung ,” Soobin’s voice was insistent and slightly firm, and Namjoon was glad he was facing away from them as he closed his eyes to take in a deep breath. “We can do it,” Soobin reassured him and Namjoon nodded once.

“Okay,” he agreed, leaning forward to log off his computer and close the lid of his laptop before picking up his bag. “We’ll keep working on this tomorrow afternoon, okay?” Yeonjun nodded eagerly while Soobin just watched him through narrow, considering eyes, and Namjoon ducked out of his office before Soobin saw something that he didn’t want him to see.

On his way home, he stopped by at a ramen shop he frequented often, picking up dinner that he would hopefully at least get halfway through this time. He’d been having a difficult time eating since his severe Drop, but he was trying. He knew he needed to. He had to look after himself–he would look after himself, he had gotten himself this far in life, and he knew the things he needed, it was just…Difficult. But he could do it, but had been looking after himself for a long time now.

As Namjoon walked out of the elevator and onto his floor, his eyes found Seokjin sitting on the floor, leaning against his apartment door.

Seokjin .

Elegant, beautiful, Dominant Seokjin, on the carpeted floor of his apartment hallway, his head resting against the wall behind him, and his eyes closed.

He must have been there a while and had several people walk past, because he didn’t even open his eyes as Namjoon slowly approached, not until Namjoon had stopped right in front of him. Seokjin’s head lifted, and he smiled up at Namjoon, although it wasn’t the same big smile that he had greeted Namjoon with on other occasions. He pushed himself off the ground, standing in front of Namjoon and meeting his gaze directly.

If this was a couple of weeks ago, Namjoon would have been overjoyed at the fact that Seokjin was there waiting for him. But now, all he felt were nerves, his breathing coming out quicker.

“Hello, Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin greeted him quietly with a respectful nod.

“Hello,” Namjoon mumbled, swallowing hard. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to check on you,” Seokjin replied. “Make sure you were okay. We were worried.” Namjoon clenched his teeth, pursing his lips as he dropped his head to fumble with his wallet and pull out the keycard for his apartment. Seokjin moved aside to give him space to open his door, and then followed him inside, although much slower, a few steps behind Namjoon and closing the door behind them. “How are you feeling?” Seokjin asked, hanging back beside the door, although Namjoon could still feel the Dominant’s eyes heavy on him as he kicked his shoes off and slid into slippers before heading toward his kitchen without answering Seokjin’s question.

Seokjin didn’t follow him into the kitchen, and Namjoon was incredibly grateful for that, because it gave him a chance to rub his hands over his face and then tug at his hair, prickles of pain skittering across his scalp as he tried to ground himself.

The last thing he had been expecting when he had gotten home was to see Seokjin , and he hadn’t been prepared for that.

After a few moments, Namjoon went back out to his main living space, and looked over to where Seokjin was still waiting for him. He didn’t look angry or upset but…He didn’t look happy either. That made Namjoon feel a strange mixture of nervousness and anger, because Seokjin didn’t have any right to not be happy with him – he hadn’t done anything wrong. He shoved his hands in his pockets and met Seokjin’s eyes, trying to ignore that small, niggling in the back of his head and maybe something in his heart that was telling him to just tumble into Seokjin’s arms and hope that the older man held him.

“So?” Seokjin prompted and Namjoon blinked.

“So…What?” He asked in confusion.

“How are you feeling?” Seokjin repeated his earlier question and while he didn’t look happy, he did look as though his question was sincere.

“I’m not sick anymore,” Namjoon answered in a roundabout way, because while he wasn’t sick , he definitely wasn’t feeling great. That was the whole reason that he was home early.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Seokjin told him and Namjoon’s lips twitched at the fact they were still on opposite sides of the room. Despite the fact that Namjoon wasn’t too happy with the situation, he felt rude leaving Seokjin beside the door and so after a moment, he waved a hand toward where there was a spare set of slippers in his shoe rack. Seokjin gave him a polite smile before taking off his shoes–and despite Namjoon having the rack, most of his shoes were scattered around the ground messily, a bad habit that he had no real interest in fixing. Seokjin tidily placed his shoes together before putting on a pair of slippers and stepping properly into the lounge, looking around slowly.

“Jungkookie said that your place was cozy,” he commented. “I see what he means.” Namjoon tried to shove down that feeling of pride that one of the men had complimented his home, and just hummed non-committedly. Seokjin looked at him for a long moment, and he seemed to realize that Namjoon wasn’t going to give him much to work with if he wasn’t direct. “You haven’t been replying to our messages,” Seokjin said and Namjoon pressed his lips together firmly and swallowed hard, purposefully not meeting Seokjin’s eyes.

“Sorry,” he mumbled out.

“We’ve been worried about you,” Seokjin continued, stepping closer. “Especially Jungkookie and Taehyungie–they thought that maybe they did something wrong, made you feel uncomfortable coming over with Yoongi without properly letting you know in advance.” Namjoon didn’t like that at all, and his head came up to look over at Seokjin with a pained expression. “I told them I’m sure if you were upset with them, you would have told them directly, because I feel as though we have all been becoming good friends,” his words were pointed and Namjoon winced. “But after you haven’t replied or answered our calls, I thought it would be best if I came and saw you face-to-face and cleared things up.”

“Right,” Namjoon muttered under his breath. For some reason, he hadn’t even thought about any of them showing up to confront him. Which was stupid, because he usually thought things through better than this.

He ignored the small voice that whispered that he wanted this–he wanted them to come to him, to prove that they wanted him.

Because no .

He was angry at them.

They left him when he was vulnerable.

…Although they didn’t know that he had fallen into Subspace.

Logically Namjoon was aware of that, but emotionally he was incredibly scared. The state that they had left him in alone had made him tumble into the strongest Drop he’d ever experienced in his adult life. There had been times when he had been a teenager when he was still adjusting, still learning about himself and what his Submissive side needed, but now …He was still feeling the effects of the Drop he’d taken into.

“Namjoon-ah?” Seokjin was even closer than he had been before, just a few steps away, and his eyebrows were pulled together, concern clearly showing. Namjoon didn’t realize he had completely zoned out and he wondered what it was that Seokjin saw on his face that made him look at him like that. “Is everything alright?” His voice was so gentle, even though it was clear that he wasn’t the happiest, he didn’t sound angry . He sounded concerned.

He was here to check on Namjoon because he was worried–Namjoon believed Seokjin when he said that. Maybe his worry for his cluster was stronger, and he wanted to put their minds at ease, but Namjoon believed Seokjin was telling the truth when he had said we were worried about you .

He didn’t think Seokjin would lie to him.

“Namjoon-ah?” Seokjin repeated, and he reached out to gently touch Namjoon’s shoulder.

The sob that shook Namjoon’s body surprised Namjoon as much as it surprised Seokjin.

Namjoon felt his knees buckle and for a brief moment, he was scared he was going to collapse, but then Seokjin’s strong arms were around him, taking his weight and guiding him toward the couch. Even once they sat down, Seokjin didn’t let him go, and after a moment, Namjoon just let himself fall into Seokjin, burying his face in Seokjin’s broad shoulders and crying silently.

Seokjin didn’t let him go . He didn’t speak or reference the fact that Namjoon’s tears and snot were smeared all over his shirt, he just held onto Namjoon, even after the tears stopped, and his body feeling limp and exhausted. Namjoon felt fingers stroke through his hair comfortingly as he sniffled, and all he wanted was to sleep.

But if he fell asleep, then he would probably wake up alone again.

And he didn’t know if he could go through that again.

“Just close your eyes, sweetheart,” Seokjin murmured, rocking their bodies back and forth gently. “Do you want me to get you a blanket?” He asked, and just the thought of Seokjin moving away had Namjoon frantically grabbing at Seokjin’s shoulders and looking up in panic. Seokjin’s eyes widened in surprise at the look of desperation on Namjoon’s face, but any surprise melted away quickly, the Dominant composing himself. “What do you need, sweetheart?” He asked and Namjoon just shoved his face back into Seokjin’s shoulder.

“J-just stay,” he stammered, his voice muffled, but Seokjin clearly heard him because his arms tightened around Namjoon. “P-please stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Joonie,” Seokjin whispered, and there was a slight pressure on top of Namjoon’s head, like Seokin was placing a kiss there. “I’m staying right here.”

Seokjin kept his word.

Namjoon woke up feeling achy and his face swollen, and while he was now stretched on the couch rather than sitting up, Seokjin was still there. He had shifted and laid Namjoon out on the couch so he could sleep more comfortably, and was sitting on the ground leaning against the couch, flipping through one of Namjoon’s books. Namjoon didn’t alert him to the fact he was awake at first, just watching the back of Seokjin’s head and over his shoulder, at his long fingers flipping through the pages. But it turned out he didn’t need to say anything, because after a minute, Seokjin spoke up.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked without turning around and Namjoon’s eyelashes fluttered together in surprise before he was exhaling heavily and moving to sit up. Seokjin put the book down on the coffee table and turned around to look up at Namjoon as he stretched his arms above his head.

“Yeah,” Namjoon mumbled as he rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head, his hair flopping around his face.

“That’s good,” Seokjin nodded before checking his phone. “Do you want me to heat up the food that you brought home?”

“I…” Namjoon trailed off. He was more than capable of heating up the food himself, but…Being looked after was nice. And Seokjin was offering, so… “Yes, please,” he answered and Seokjin nodded again, getting to his feet and walking into the kitchen. Namjoon yawned and got to his feet slowly, waking himself up properly and moving around to turn on the lights in his lounge. Seokjin had already closed the curtains, and he’d even lit a candle at some point, the light vanilla and lavender scent permeating the air pleasantly. He sat back down after stretching, his feet pressing together as he waited on Seokjin.

“Here we go,” Seokjin said quietly as he came back into the room, putting the bowl down in front of Namjoon with a pair of purple chopsticks, along with a tall glass of water. Ramen never tasted the best when reheated, but somehow, this was one of the best bowls that Namjoon had ever had. “Why didn’t you tell us you were a Submissive?” He asked in the next breath, as Namjoon had just taken a mouthful and he instantly started coughing unattractively, his food catching in his throat as he covered his mouth. Seokjin waited patiently, but his gaze was still steady, unrelenting and waiting for Namjoon’s response with an expectant expression.

“Idon’ttellanyone,” Namjoon mumbled, staring down into his bowl of food, and despite the fact he hadn’t eaten anything other than an apple this morning, his appetite was suddenly gone.

“What was that?” Seokjin prompted, leaning in closer.

“Idon’ttellanyone,” Namjoon repeated, his words still slurring together.

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand you,” Seokjin told him pointedly and Namjoon was pretty sure that he actually could understand, but he still repeated himself, forcing himself to speak slower.

“I don’t…I don’t tell anyone,” he said, putting his chopsticks down into the bowl and picking up his glass instead. His hand shook as he sipped from it, and he didn’t look up as Seokjin circled around the coffee table and then sat down on it, facing Namjoon, his knee pressing against one of Namjoon’s.

“I don’t understand why you keep it a secret, but that is your right,” Seokjin spoke slowly. “The only reason I ask is because we would have treated you differently–”

“I don’t want to be treated differently!” Namjoon snapped as his head jerked up, even though that wasn’t entirely the truth. Seokjin looked taken aback by the vehemence in Namjoon’s tone, but he kept himself composed.

“It isn’t bad to be treated differently depending on what your designation is,” Seokjin began after a moment. “I mean–it can be, some people are jackasses, but what I meant was–I meant that the way Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook treated you when they came over to look after you when you were sick.” Seokjin tilted his head to the side and his eyes narrowed slightly. “It can be dangerous not to tell people, Namjoon-ah. If you don’t tell people, then how are you looked after?”

“I can look after myself,” Namjoon was absently aware of the fact that he sounded like a petulant child, but he couldn’t help it.

“I know you can, but what about your Submissive side?” Seokjin asked quietly. “Who looks after that part of you?” Namjoon swallowed hard and resolutely decided not to answer that. Partly because he was embarrassed to admit that he needed to pay someone to look after that part of him, and partly because he simply didn’t want to see what Seokjin’s reaction would be. Namjoon was scared that the Dominant would be disappointed in him… “Did you go into Subspace when my boys were here the other week?” Seokjin seemed to already know the answer. Namjoon didn’t want to reply, but the thought of not answering Seokjin and potentially disappointing him felt so much worse.

“Yes,” he said quietly. Seokjin didn’t say anything and as the silence stretched out, Namjoon began to fidget and his eyes finally flicked up to look at Seokjin’s face, and Seokjin was staring at him.

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin said quietly. “I’m sorry you were left in that state–that we left you in that state.”

Namjoon hadn’t expected that.

He hadn’t expected an apology, or for Seokjin to take responsibility.

He had always been told it was his fault– anything relating to his Submissive side was his fault , something that he had done wrong. Seokjin hadn’t even been here that night–and none of them had even known what was happening–and yet he was apologizing.

“Jungkookie…He wondered if you were a Switch,” Seokjin said quietly and Namjoon’s eyelids fluttered. “But–we just assumed. We shouldn’t have assumed. That was wrong of us.”

“It’s none of your business–it’s not your fault,” Namjoon found himself saying but Seokjin just shook his head again.

“We shouldn’t have made assumptions, and we should have been more careful,” Seokjin told him sincerely. Namjoon inhaled deeply through his nose, not knowing what to say and instead looking back down into his bowl of ramen. Seokjin didn’t seem to know what to say either, because he was quiet for a stretch of time before he shifted to sit on the couch beside Namjoon. He didn’t sit close enough for their legs to touch, but he was close enough that Namjoon could clearly smell the comforting bergamot cologne he was wearing. “Namjoon-ah?” Seokjin said after some time had passed.

“Mm?” Namjoon hummed, smoothing his hands down his thighs.

“We…” Seokjin paused, and for the first time, he sounded uncertain. “The reason why we’ve been so worried, and why the boys came over when you were feeling sick in the first place…It’s because we’ve–well, especially Jungkook, he–” Namjoon was surprised by Seokjin’s stuttering. The older man always seemed so confident in what he was saying. “We like you,” Seeokjin decided to put it simply, and it was the last thing that Namjoon had expected. His head jerked up and he narrowed his eyes at Seokjin.

“What?”

“We like you,” Seokjin repeated, not put off by the almost angry look on Namjoon’s expression.

“You…” Namjoon’s mind reeled, and his breathing started coming out quickly. His skin prickled as thoughts rushed through his head, his hands and feet felt odd. He recognised the feeling that was slowly beginning to wash over him–it was what he had just managed to claw himself out of after spiralling for weeks. Panic . “I can’t…” he shook his head, his chest feeling tight and his breathing shallow. “I don’t know–what do you want ?” He asked, his voice tight as he jumped up from the couch, putting space between himself and Seokjin and looking back at him in confusion. “I–I don’t–” It wasn’t a Drop that he was heading toward, it was a panic attack.

Seokjin already had a cluster.

So did Jungkook .

And when Jungkook had been here the other week with Taehyung and Yoongi, they had looked after him but–then they had left him.

Namjoon wasn’t one of them–he didn’t belong with them, he’d never belonged anywhere .

“I know this is a lot,” Seokjin didn’t seem upset with Namjoon, but he did seem to understand that now wasn’t the time to continue their conversation. “And especially after you were left when you were in Subspace, that wouldn’t–that definitely wouldn’t make you trust us,” he stood up as well, but he didn’t try to approach Namjoon this time, giving him a wide berth as he circled around him. “Now isn’t the time to talk about it–I don’t want to overwhelm you.” That was absolutely how Namjoon was feeling now. “I don’t want to leave you alone like this but…Would that be better? Or–or is there someone I can call?” The only thing lacing Seokjin’s voice was concern, which was so completely different from Namjoon’s parents when he was having a panic attack. There would only be derision and annoyance in their words, nothing like the understanding Seokjin was showing him– after Namjoon hadn’t been particularly kind to him either.

He would probably feel guilty about it tomorrow, right now he just wanted to be alone.

“No, I-I’m fine,” his words came out snappy even though he immediately regretted them, wincing as he gripped at his hair and rubbed his other hand over his chest in circles. His next breath was deeper and his vision wasn’t quite as blurred at the edges.

“I don’t want to leave you like this,” Seokjin told him, his voice clearly strained, his hands flexing into fists at his side.

“Just because I’m a Submissive, doesn’t mean I can’t look after myself,” Namjoon told him, his voice coming out more brittle than he wanted it to, although his point remained the same. “ Please , I–I’ll be okay,” he said quietly, because that seemed to be what Seokjin was concerned about. Maybe he didn’t want it on his conscience if Namjoon Dropped again, now that he knew Namjoon was a Submissive, but he seemed to respect what Namjoon was asking from him.

“Okay,” Seokjin nodded slowly, his lips twitching before he nodded again. He didn’t look pleased, but he still changed from his slippers and into his shoes. He hesitated again by the door, as though he was hoping that Namjoon would ask him to stay, and deep down, Namjoon did want that. Underneath how scared he was to lean on someone and possibly be let down again, he wanted Seokjin to stay–he wanted Seokjin to hold him , and he knew that the Dominant would if he asked.

He was kind of scared by how sure he was that Seokjin would stay if he asked.

“You don’t owe us anything, but…Could you message me later? Just to let me know you’re alright?” Seokjin asked, his hand on the door handle. Namjoon jerked his head in a nod, shifting to wrap his arms tightly around him instead. “Okay…We’ll check on you later, okay? If there’s anything you need…Please just let one of us know?” Namjoon gave another short nod, and Seokjin was still hovering by the door, clearly not wanting to leave, but after a moment, he left, respecting Namjoon’s wishes.

And then Namjoon was alone.

Again.

Seokjin had left his jacket when he had visited Namjoon’s apartment, and Namjoon wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, but when he went to work the next day, he wore it over his sweatshirt. Seokjin was broader than he was, so it hung a little off his shoulders, but Namjoon quite liked the fact that he was enveloped by something that smelt like the other man. It wasn’t often that clothes from others were too big on him.

The night before hadn’t gone the best, but he’d definitely had worse.

He hadn’t devolved into a complete panic attack; he knew what he needed when one was coming on and he had managed to pull himself out of it. He’d finally finished his ramen, even though he barely tasted it, and watched an animated movie before going to bed. He was getting ready to go to sleep when he remembered what Seokjin had asked–to message him. Namjoon contemplated not messaging–he was under no obligation to, but…He wanted to. Seokjin had stayed when Namjoon had asked him to, and he had left when that was what Namjoon wanted as well.

I’m going to bed. Thank you for checking on me

Afterwards, Namjoon turned his notifications on silent after that. The next morning, he had two messages, one from Seokjin, and one from Jungkook.

He didn’t read either of them before heading to work– with Seokjin’s jacket.

“Are you feeling better today, hyung-nim?” It was Yeonjun who saw him first when he stepped out of the elevator, and Namjoon nodded at the younger man.

“Yeah–yeah, I am,” Namjoon replied, and he was kind of surprised by how true that was. Last night had definitely been a rollercoaster but today…He felt a lot better.

“That’s good!” Yeonjun smiled at him widely, flicking back the dark hair that had fallen over one eye. “Is it still okay if me and Binnie come by later on?”

“Of course,” Namjoon nodded and Yeonjun tipped his head to the side, his eyes scanning over Namjoon with an expression he couldn’t identify but then the rapper was flashing a smile.

“Nice jacket, hyung-nim!” He complimented before he was skipping away and Namjoon’s head ducked down to look at his jacket– Seokjin’s jacket–which was brightly coloured and really not his style, and definitely not his size. He wondered if Yeonjun had put that together as well, but decided not to overthink it.

The day was long and productive. It was the first day in what felt like weeks that he felt like he could properly concentrate and he wanted to take advantage of that. Sometimes he could go full days without speaking to another person, especially if he was completely lost in a track and working fourteen hour days, but today wasn’t one of those days. Yeonjun and Soobin stopped by for a few hours before lunch–or at least before Namjoon’s lunch, and were later collected by Choi Beomgyu for a photoshoot. Jackson came by with lunch–and he acted as though he was just there for the food, but Namjoon knew that he was checking up on him as well. Same with Woo Jiho–better known as Zico–when he came around late afternoon, acting as though he wanted Namjoon’s opinion on some lyrics, except he’d already asked Namjoon about them a few weeks back.

“Do you want to ask me something straight up, or are we just going to keep pretending like I haven’t already looked over these?” Namjoon asked as he spun his chair around to properly face Zico, who just made a face but didn’t bother to deny it.

“Hey, you can’t blame me for being worried,” he shrugged. “You hardly ever take time off, and then you were gone for ages.”

“I was sick–and it was less than two weeks,” Namjoon replied and Zico just shrugged again.

“I dunno, man,” he crossed his arms over her chest, the papers with his lyrics wrinkling a little more in his hands. “Sometimes you just…Sometimes it’s hard to get a read on you, you know?” Namjoon pursed his lips together, glancing down at the rug thrown out on his floor, because it definitely wasn’t the first time he’d heard someone say that.

It felt wrong lying to people he considered his close friends–even when it was just through omission, or going along with their assumptions. Zico wasn’t one of those people who cared all that much about Designations and it wasn’t something that came up much in their conversations, but it did come up occasionally. Zico was a Switch, and that came with its own difficulties, and there had been times when Namjoon had considered straight out telling him that he was a Submissive, but he just never could.

He tried not to tell himself it was because he was ashamed but he knew deep down that it was.

“Whose jacket is that?” Zico asked, looking at him more openly than Yeonjun had when he’d complimented the jacket earlier in the day. “You met someone?” Namjoon was about to brush off the question and maybe change the topic, but he stopped himself.

“I…Maybe?” He answered tentatively, and Zico looked surprised by the answer. Maybe because Namjoon never discussed his dating life, except when he really needed to vent to Soyoon, and Zico had probably been expecting him to divert their attention elsewhere. But he wanted to tell someone about Seokjin, and what he’d said to him last night. “I…There’s this guy,” he began and Zico’s eyebrows instantly raised, leaning forward with obvious interest, and Namjoon couldn’t help his huff of laughter. “Actually, there’s six guys–”

“ Six ?” Zico exclaimed, his eyebrows raising and Namjoon felt himself blush, but he forced himself to continue.

“They’re already in a cluster,” Namjoon said. “I–I met a few of them on a night out, and then they asked me to come over for dinner,” he chewed down on his bottom lip as he thought about how things had progressed. It all felt so fast–and scary , and almost unbelievable, but…Namjoon had those feelings too. For Jungkook especially, but also Seokjin and Yoongi, and maybe Taehyung, and…And he could see those feelings developing for Hoseok and possibly Jimin. “It, uh–it’s scary,” he admitted quietly, and Zico lurched forward.

“ Hey ,” he whispered. “That’s totally okay to be scared.” He had stood from where he was resting on the arm of the couch to place both his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders. “Six people–that’s a lot to be scared about,” he made a face and despite the way Namjoon’s stomach was twisting, he couldn’t help but let out a short laugh. “But…It’s a lot to be excited about as well, you know? That’s…That could be really cool, Joonie.” Namjoon’s lips twitched before he was nodding, looking down at the ground.

“Maybe,” he murmured. “Maybe.”

Namjoon read the messages from Seokjin and Jungkook when he got home that night. Seokjin was just thanking him for letting him know that he was okay, while Jungkook’s message was a bit more lengthy.

I’m sorry for the other week, hyung. We wouldn’t have left you if we thought that you would want us to stay. I thought you would want space since we came over without asking you, but I should have checked. I hope you will forgive me.

Namjoon felt bad for leaving Jungkook’s message unseen for almost twenty-four hours, he could feel the guilt coming through the screen. He couldn’t quite tell what Seokjin had told him–or the rest of the cluster–if he had told them that he was a Submissive, or if he had maybe just mentioned that he’d had a Drop– anyone could Drop. Dominant’s, especially those that weren’t part of a cluster, were less likely to be open about their mental health, but they still experienced Drops–they were more susceptible than those that were in a cluster.

He wasn’t sure what he would have minded if Seokjin had told them.

Part of him didn’t think Seokjin would have told them, not with how they had left things last night.

Not with how he had responded to Seokjin last night, after Seokjin had said that they liked him.

He hadn’t been kind at all–and Seokjin had really put himself out there. Seokjin was clearly the Head Dominant of his cluster, and it seemed as though despite the fact that they barely knew Namjoon, and then he had ignored them after an evening where they had looked after him–he had still come to check on Namjoon without any judgement. And then he had seen right through him, and hadn’t judged him then either.

And Namjoon had reacted about as pathetically as his parents had always said he was; by having a panic attack.

As soon as that thought washed over him, he gritted his teeth.

He wasn’t pathetic.

He wasn’t weak.

He just needed time.

…Time to adjust to the fact that for the first time in his life, someone saw him for who he really was, and accepted that and had still told him that he was interested in Namjoon. That his cluster was interested in Namjoon.

They were interested in Namjoon .

And they didn’t strike Namjoon as a cluster who just–just played around with people. At least he hoped that they weren’t.

Namjoon replied to Jungkook’s message, letting him know he wasn’t upset and that he forgave him–because he did . Jungkook–and Yoongi and Taehyung–they hadn’t known the state they would leave him in, and logically, he had been aware of that the whole time. They had left him with food, and wrapped him in blankets, and Namjoon had to shoulder a large part of the responsibility over the fact he hadn’t communicated the state he had been able to feel himself falling into–at the fact he knew that they thought he was Dominant when that wasn’t the truth. Maybe he’d been hoping they would see through him while also telling himself that he had fooled close friends and even family for most of his life, and had then just–been mad because they were the same. Especially when he was spinning and stuck in the dark web of Subdrop and the stickiness of depression and anxiety that came with it. His thoughts would run away from him, even with all the therapy and coping skills that he had been through and learnt, but…At least he could pull himself back after giving himself time to wallow.

And now, with some space, after climbing out of that Drop–one of the worst Drop’s he had ever experienced–he knew that this cluster–the Kim cluster–they weren’t the same as everyone else he had felt something warm and soft for.

They had checked on him–and kept trying to check on him, even after he didn’t respond.

Then, their Head Dom had come to check on him in person after his radio silence. And he had seen right through Namjoon.

His first one-on-one time with Seokjin and the man had been able to read him like a book, and he hadn’t shied away, only leaving when Namjoon had asked him for space.

He replied to Seokjin before he got into the shower.

Did you tell them about me?

Namjoon spent a long time in the shower–longer than he usually did. He scrubbed himself down thoroughly and then his thoughts completely ran away from him as he stood underneath the hot spray, and he didn’t even realize how long he had spent in there until he got out and saw that Seokjin had responded to his message over half an hour ago.

I didn’t tell them you were Submissive. I thought you would want to do that yourself.

Namjoon swallowed hard. Seokjin clearly thought that Namjoon should be the one to tell them, that was not so subtly implied, and Namjoon agreed. And it was also implied that there would be the opportunity for him to do that, which made him let out a sigh of relief he didn’t know he had been holding.

For the next three days, Namjoon wore Seokjin’s jacket to work. The smell of his own cologne was rubbing off on the material, and it didn’t smell as strongly as the Dominant anymore, which Namjoon was upset about, and he told Seokjin that, messaging the older man that he would need to return the jacket, but…He would like to swap it for something else. Seokjin seemed to have no problems with that, based on the laughing and kissing emojis he got back. They hadn’t discussed a time that he would go and see them again–Seokjin seemed to be leaving that up to Namjoon, and the rest of the cluster had only sent him a few sporadic messages through the week–but Namjoon had been thinking that maybe next week, maybe he could have dinner with them again. He wasn’t sure how much he would tell them, but he could just see how it went. He was planning to talk to Soyoon beforehand, given she was the only person that he was completely honest with and knew everything there was to know about him. She would tell him to go and see them, he knew that even without talking to her, but still…He wanted to hear directly from her.

Then Taehyung showed up at his door late on Friday night.

Namjoon’s eyes widened as he looked through the peephole of his door before blinking as he quickly opened the door.

“Hi,” he greeted the man in surprise.

“Hi,” Taehyung nodded, pursing his lips together, his hands buried deep in his pockets, and he was wearing his collar, a navy blue one with a jewel at the front, and Namjoon was pretty sure it was the first time he had seen him wearing his collar in public. “Can I come in?” He asked, his eyes glancing over Namjoon’s shoulder before meeting his again, and Namjoon only hesitated for a moment before stepping aside, inviting him in. Namjoon offered him slippers before they walked into the lounge, neither of them sitting down, hovering a few feet away from each other silently, both clearly unsure.

It was Namjoon who broke the silence first.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, and Taehyung jerked his head in a nod, turning to face him properly.

“Yes–maybe,” he shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know,” his lips twitched as he chewed down on his bottom lip. “Why didn’t you tell us you were a Submissive?” He asked and Namjoon’s nostrils flared as his eyes got bigger. Seokjin had said that it was up to Namjoon to tell them. “Hyung didn’t tell me–he didn’t tell any of us,” Taehyung continued, as though he was able to read Namjoon’s thoughts. “Well–he told us that you had a Drop, but he didn’t tell us anything else, what kind of Drop it was or what triggered it, but–I mean, it’s not that hard to figure out. At least, it wasn’t for me.” Namjoon’s eyes narrowed as he studied Taehyung, who looked back at him openly and honestly.

Namjoon wasn’t certain, but he was pretty sure Taehyung was a Submissive, not a Switch, which was the impression that Namjoon had gotten from Jungkook and Jimin. He was the only member of the cluster that he had seen defer over and over again to the other members, never looking as though he wanted to make his voice louder than theirs, or order any of them around, even Jungkook, the youngest.

“As soon as hyung told us that you went through a Drop, I knew you were Submissive. I knew you were like me,” Taehyung continued. “I think Jungkookie knows as well, but we haven’t talked about it,” he let out a rueful laugh that didn’t sound at all happy. “It’s probably the only thing we haven’t talked about in years , to be honest.” Namjoon didn’t like that.

“I’m sorry,” he felt the need to apologize, even though it wasn’t his fault. Or, at least, it wasn’t entirely his fault. Taehyung obviously didn’t agree with the way he was shaking his head from before Namjoon even finished.

“Seokjin told us not to discuss it–that we had to wait until you were ready, and so we listened. When it’s something important, we always listen to him–even Jungkookie,” Taehyung added with a small smile, and this time he did look amused. Namjoon nodded slowly, because he really wasn’t sure how to respond. Taehyung’s smile dropped away as he tilted his head to the side, and repeated his earlier question. “Why didn’t you tell us you were a Submissive?” It was Namjoon’s turn to purse his lips together, turning his head to look toward the monstera plant in the corner of his room, one that was taller than him now.

“It’s complicated,” he decided to say, which was the most cop-out answer he could have given. And Taehyung seemed to know that too.

“I’ve listened to the songs you’ve produced, the lyrics you’ve written,” he stated. “Yoongi has been replaying them over and over again.” Namjoon wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His lyrics were heard by thousands– millions –depending on the artist who sung the songs that he was writing for, but most of the time, people weren’t connecting him to the lyrics, it was the idol who was the face of them. Yoongi and Taehyung listening to his songs, though–that was a lot more personal. “You’re good with words, so I know that there’s more than ‘it’s complicated’ that you can say,” Taehyung sounded determined, a lot less unrelenting than Seokjin had sounded.

“I…” Namjoon heaved out a deep breath through his nose, his shoulders slumping as he walked over to his couch, resting his elbows on his knees. “It is complicated,” he repeated, and Taehyung didn’t reply, but his expression softened around the edges as he walked over to sit on the couch on the opposite end from Namjoon.

“I’ve got time,” Taehyung said quietly. Namjoon nodded slowly and clasped his hands together in front of him as he thought it over. Soyoon was the one who knew the most about him, practically everything, but she didn’t know all the details. She didn’t know everything that his parents had said to him growing up, only the basics and the general outline. Even the therapist that Namjoon had seen on and off didn’t know everything that he had gone through when he was younger, when he was still realizing who he was and trying to grow.

But maybe Taehyung would understand, at least partially.

“My parents are both Dominant’s,” he began quietly. “So is my brother, and most of my family,” he continued, and he could feel Taehyung’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t look over at him. Not at the beautiful, strong man who was sitting there with a collar around his neck, clearly confident and comfortable in his own Submission, with a cluster who cared for him and loved him just the way he was. “They weren’t part of a larger cluster, so I wasn’t–I wasn’t around a lot of Submissives? My grandmother used to be part of a cluster, when she was younger–I’m not sure what happened there, she didn’t talk about it much.” It wasn’t unusual for powerful families not to be part of large clusters. They viewed it as something that was something archaic and beneath them, some of them thinking it was even ‘dirty’. It was funny, when they clung to tradition in so many other ways, but Namjoon had long since given up trying to understand people who ran in his parents' circles. “I think they all expected me to be the same–no,” he huffed out a hard laugh. “I know they expected me to be the same.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung’s words were soft and deep beside Namjoon, and they reassured him to keep going.

“I thought I was going to be like them too, you know? At least for a while, when I was younger,” Namjoon shrugged. “Not all Dominant’s are like–you know, they’re not all outspoken and loud and in your face.” He had known that back then, because of teachers and tutors who were Dominant, not from his family, they were definitely the kind that liked to throw their weight around.

“Like hyungs,” Taehyung supplied with a small smile.

“Yeah, exactly,” Namjoon nodded, and he glanced over at Taehyung, who was watching him closely. Too closely for what Namjoon was about to say, looking back down at his hands.

“But things sort of started to feel different when I was fourteen, fifteen, and then I got my designation when I was sixteen, and things were just–things got really bad,” he gritted his teeth together. “There were arguments between my parents, I remember at one point my father accused my mother of cheating on him and said he wanted a paternity test, that I couldn’t be his if I was so–so weak.” He felt Taehyung stiffen next to him at that, but chose to keep going. He wasn’t going to get into the worst stuff that had happened, but he wanted to tell him some of it. “I’d always known that I liked men, that was something that I had known from before I could remember, and my parents had always been fine with that–not super happy, but fine. After I found out I was Submissive though, my brother started going on about how he’d always known that I was pathetic enough to be bent over by other men, and now it was going to be obvious enough for everyone to see,” his nose twitched at the taunting he would hear from his brother, and it wasn’t as though their parents would ever try to make him stop. “I don’t know when, but at some point my parents told me that I couldn’t embarrass them–I wouldn’t embarrass them–and it was just…It was just agreed that I would present as a Dominant. That I wouldn’t tell people my proper designation.”

“They suck,” Taehyung stated bluntly. “You know they suck, right? And that they’re wrong?” Namjoon snorted and nodded.

“Yeah, I know–I know that now ,” he responded. “It’s hard to get your head around the fact that the people who raised you have completely backwards thinking and are absolute idiots.”

“Well, they clearly are,” Taehyung interjected again. “You’re not weak, or-or wrong for being Submissive. That’s just who you are . There’s nothing wrong with that–with us ,” his voice was fierce, and Namjoon had to look back up at Taehyung. The younger man had twisted to face him completely, and he was staring at Namjoon with fiery eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you .” He reached out, covering Namjoon’s hands with one of his own, and Namjoon couldn’t help but twine one of his fingers around Taehyung’s, and Taehyung immediately returned the squeeze.

“I know,” Namjoon murmured. “But…It took a long time for me to know that,” he admitted. “A really long time. And sometimes I still feel like I’m stuck back there.” He hated that, but it was true.

“I’m sorry they made you feel that way,” Taehyung told him quietly. “But…” he trailed off, his lips twisting together.

“But what?” Namjoon asked and Taehyung shook his head.

“Nah,” he said. “I know family can mess you up, and it can take a lot to break free from that, even when you’re not with them.”

“Is your family..?” Namjoon trailed off with his own question but Taehyung shook his head again.

“My family is amazing,” he replied. “Sorry, if I sound like I’m bragging,” he gave Namjoon a lopsided smile, and Namjoon knew that he wasn’t saying it to make Namjoon feel bad. “My parents are great, they’re part of a four person cluster and I grew up with all of them around, and my grandparents are awesome too. Jiminie, though…Jimin’s story is a bit different, and same with Hoseok. They both had to deal with a lot growing up. Jimin is…Jimin’s still working through a bit, and that’s why he can be really overprotective over all of us.”

“I understand that,” Namjoon said quietly. “He’s lucky to have you.” Taehyung nodded silently before he properly turned on the couch, hitching up his leg as he looked at Namjoon intently.

“You can be too, you know? Lucky, with us,” Taehyung blushed at his words, but he continued. “Be with us, I mean.” Namjoon didn’t know how to respond to that. Seokjin had said it, and now Taehyung was saying it, and he wanted it, but…Somehow it still didn’t seem real. It didn’t feel real.

Maybe because he was so used to people getting close to him and then dropping him when he couldn’t give them what he wanted.

“Only if you want us, of course,” Taehyung continued, seeming to interpret his silence to mean something else, and for the first time since he had arrived, he looked uncertain. “If you–if there’s someone else, or if you’re just not interested–that’s okay. Maybe just…Maybe let us know soon, though, so that we can break it to Jungkook.”

“Jungkook?” Namjoon flushed and ducked his head, not seeing Taehyung smile as he watched Namjoon.

“Yeah, he’s already pretty attached,” Taehyung told him. “And…He feels horrible about what happened the last time we were here,” he added, the smile fading into something more serious. “We didn’t even think about the fact that you might have gone through a Drop when we left you. We would never have left if we thought–”

“I know,” Namjoon muttered with a wave of his hand. Because he did know that they wouldn’t have left him–they weren’t those kinds of people–and he hadn’t been open and honest with them. He breathed in deeply through his nose. “I am interested,” he said after a few beats and he saw the way Taehyung visibly perked up.

“You are?!” He blurted out, and didn’t look at all embarrassed by his enthusiasm. It made Namjoon’s lips twitch, but he tried to keep back his wide smile, because he still had reservations. He still wanted to talk it through with Soyoon, just to get his thoughts straight. Maybe to convince him that he actually deserved this opportunity after his parents had told him that he was close to worthless after finding out his subgender.

But he was interested.

More than interested.

“Seokjin said…Seokjin said we should prepare for you to turn us down,” Taehyung informed him quietly and Namjon felt bad, because obviously that was part of the reason that Jungkook was feeling down, but he also appreciated that Seokjin hadn’t been trying to put any pressure on him. “Yoongi seemed pretty convinced that you wanted to–wanted to try something with us, at least.”

“Is that why you’re here? Yoongi convinced you to come talk to me?” Namjoon asked, although he already doubted that. He had a feeling that if Yoongi wanted to talk to him, he would just come and do that himself, and he was proved right as Taehyung shook his head.

“No,” he replied. “Jiminie did.”

“Jimin?” Namjoon’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought…That he didn’t like me.” He remembered that scene he had caught a glimpse of when he had gone to the bathroom the night he’d had dinner at their place.

“He’s warming up to you,” there was teasing in Taehyung’s voice before he shrugged a shoulder. “Like I said, he just gets overprotective. Toward everyone he loves.” There was some emphasis in his voice as he looked pointedly at Namjoon. “He wanted me to come and check on you. Jungkookie wanted to come as well, but I…I convinced him to let me.”

“Why?”

“Because Jungkookie would spend the whole time on his knees apologizing,” Taehyung replied with an amused smile. “I thought that maybe I would be more effective on my own.” The thought of Jungkook on his knees made a wave of heat wash over Namjoon and he quickly shook his head, because that really wasn’t the point of this conversation. “I also thought…Maybe you would want to talk to me, since I’m a Submissive too. I obviously can’t understand everything that you’re going through, but I can understand some of it.”

“Are you the only Submissive in the cluster?” Namjoon felt they were in a place where he was comfortable enough to ask, and maybe get some proper clarity around the cluster.

“Yes,” Taehyung nodded with a smile. “Jimin and Yoongi and Jungkook are Switches, and Jungkook is probably the most Dominant out of the three of them.” Namjoon’s eyebrow twitched in surprise, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t been expecting that. Taehyung just nodded again. “I know–especially when you first met us, that’s probably a bit surprising, but that had been a really hard week for him–another reason why Jimin was so on edge when he found you with Jungkook.” Namjoon understood that–honestly, he couldn’t say he wouldn’t react any differently to the way Jimin had the first night. And he didn’t fault Jimin for being overprotective–although he definitely could have been politer when Namjoon had shown up at their house, but Namjoon didn’t hold a grudge over it. Jimin had apologized sincerely, and then once he had seen Jimin on his knees for Seokjin and Hoseok…

“Do you think…Do you think you’d want to come over for breakfast tomorrow?” Taehyung asked. “ Just breakfast, we don’t have to talk about anything, I promise.” Namjoon didn’t think he could actually go to their home and not have any type of discussion about what they were or what they could be or where they were going.

“Um…Would dinner work? I–I have plans in the morning,” Namjoon didn’t have plans, not yet, but he hoped that Soyoon would be free.

“Sure, I’ll tell Seokjin,” Taehyung smiled before he was pulling his phone out of his pocket and checking the time. “I should probably go, hyungs will start worrying if I’m gone for too long. I told them I wouldn’t be long, and I still have to pick up dessert before I head back.” Namjoon nodded slowly, even though part of him wanted Taehyung to stay. He knew he needed some time to process though, especially if he was going to be seeing the cluster tomorrow.

“Okay,” he murmured. “I’ll walk you out.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay–”

“I’ll walk you out,” Namjoon repeated, and Taehyung’s smile widened, a little bashfully, before agreeing and getting to his feet. Namjoon didn’t just walk Taehyung to the door, he changed into a pair of shoes and took the elevator down with him, and then walked halfway down the block to where his car was parked. It was the same one that Yoongi drove, and he absently wondered how many cars they shared between the six of them.

“Thank you for walking with me,” Taehyung shot him a smile as he leaned against the open door of the drivers side, his dark hair ruffling across his forehead in the wind, making him look even more handsome than he had inside Namjoon’s apartment.

“Thank you for coming to see me,” Namjoon answered honestly. He had been apprehensive when he had first seen Taehyung at his door, but he was in a much better spot than he had been when Seokjin had been there.

“Of course,” Taehyung nodded, flipping his keyring around his finger, the keys and charms jingling together. “So I’ll…See you tomorrow? Should we pick you up?”

“Oh, right,” Namjoon made a face–he hadn’t even thought about that. “I mean, I can catch the bus–”

“No, no, we can come and get you,” Taehyung replied quickly.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow, is that okay?” Namjoon asked, trying to give himself just a little bit of leeway, in case he woke up tomorrow and completely regretted the idea. Taehyung didn’t push, thankfully, just nodding and then hesitantly getting into his car. Namjoon waited until he drove away, and even then, he kept his arms hugged around him, watching the busy evening traffic move at a sluggish pace past him. He walked slowly back up to his apartment after a few moments, his head bowed forward as he sent off a message to Soyoon, and then a second one, his thumb pressing agitatedly against the side of his phone.

Soyoon responded quickly, and as Namjoon had hoped, she said she would be there to see him in the morning. She then sent a barrage of messages after that, saying she could come over right now if he needed her, which made him smile, because he knew that she would drop everything if he needed her.

Tomorrow is good. I’ll see you then

Soyoon wanted him to go for it.

She had been wanting him to find someone that made him feel comfortable enough to open up to, to be himself completely himself with, and now he had a whole cluster that apparently wanted him. She did get upset at the fact that he hadn’t contacted her when he had been going through Subdrop, and she was clearly protective over the fact that it was the cluster that had made him feel that way, but she also chided him over the fact that he hadn’t been honest with them.

“How are they supposed to look after you if they don’t know what you need, Joonie?” She had murmured, one hand squeezing his before picking up her mug and sipping from it. “And now that they know, it sounds like they don’t have any problem with it,” she narrowed her eyes. “And if they did, then they’re not fucking worth a single thought from you.” Namjoon smiled as he looked down at his food.

She was right, Namjoon knew that.

She was just confirming what he already knew, but it always felt good hearing it said out loud by someone who loved him and knew him.

Namjoon messaged both Seokjin and Taehyung as he was leaving their breakfast spot, confirming that he would be there for dinner that night, and asking if it was still okay for one of them to pick him up. Taehyung responded first, almost immediately, saying that he and Jungkook could come and get him just after four if he was happy with that. Seokjin took longer to reply, which made Namjoon nervous, since he knew that Seokjin was the Head Dom. He held off on responding until Seokjin let him know that they were looking forward to seeing him and asking if Taehyung had gotten back to him. That made Namjoon feel better–maybe Seokjin was busy, which was why it had taken longer to reply.

Part of him wondered if Taehyung had told Jungkook, when the pair pulled up outside his apartment building. Jungkook was driving, which made sense since it was Taehyung who had messaged him to let him know they were almost there. He hadn’t told Taehyung not to say anything, and it hadn’t been like Seokjin who had said that it would be up to him to tell everyone. But there was something about the way Jungkook greeted him, quietly and nervously, that told him that Jungkook didn’t know.

“Hi, hyung,” Jungkook murmured. Namjoon hated the way that Jungkook was shuffling his feet from side-to-side as he stood beside his drivers side door, looking upset and guilty.

He had been furious when he had managed to come out of his Subdrop after it had happened, when his depressive spiral hadn’t completely taken over all of his senses and made him turn on himself, but now that that had passed, and he could see more clearly, he knew they weren’t to blame.

They hadn’t known what would happen.

“Jungkookie,” Namjoon’s voice was soft, and Jungkook hummed under his breath, but his eyes were still downward. “Jungkookie, I’m not upset with you,” Namjoon told him quietly and Jungkook glanced up at him, peeking out from beneath his fringe. “I promise I’m not.”

“I’m still sorry,” Jungkook murmured, pressing the toes of his shoes together and playing with the hem of his hoodie. “We came over because we wanted to make you feel better, and I didn’t even think about how we might make you feel worse. That was the last thing that we wanted to do–the last thing I wanted to do.” Jungkook had already apologized, but Seokjin and Taehyung had both told him how guilty the youngest was feeling–Namjoon knew that he would never have purposefully sent him tumbling into a Drop.

Soyoon had it exactly right–how were they supposed to make him feel better if he wasn’t honest about what he needed.

“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon stepped forward, closing the space between them and reaching out, his fingers brushing against the back of Jungkook’s hand. He glanced past Jungkook, to where Taehyung had gotten out of the passenger side and was leaning against the door, watching them both. It was up to him to tell the rest of them that he was a Submissive, Seokjin and Taehyung had made sure to leave that in his court, for him to decide when to disclose. “Jungkook-ah, I’m–” he paused to swallow hard. “The reason that–that I Dropped so hard is because I’m a Submissive.” Jungkook’s chin jerked up, frowning at him.

“What? You’re–” Jungkook looked over his shoulder toward Taehyung before his head whipped back to Namjoon. “You are?!” He didn’t sound upset, just surprised. Namjoon still couldn’t help the way he flinched slightly at the reaction, and Jungkook winced. “Sorry, I didn’t–it’s not a bad thing,” he quickly continued. “I’m just surprised. I thought you were a Switch, after what hyung told us. He said you went through a Drop and–and it’s not often that Dominant’s go through a Drop when they’re being looked after, you know? I just thought–” Jungkook was rambling and he seemed to realize that when he abruptly stopped, closing his eyes for a moment and shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly when he opened his eyes again, and this apology was different from the one he had given earlier. They were both sincere, but this one sounded more understanding. “Thank you for telling me.”

“That’s okay,” Namjoon murmured and Jungkook nodded before looking back toward the car, where Taehyung was still watching them. “Hi, Taehyung-ah.”

“Hi, hyung,” Taehyung smiled, looking even more handsome when he did. “Ready to go?” Namjoon knew that there was more to the question than just getting in the car. Once they got back to the clusters house, things were going to get a lot more serious. It was going to feel a lot more real.

He took in a deep breath and nodded.

Dinner this time was different.

There was still a lot of talk, but it was nowhere near as loud as it had been the first time. Namjoon knew it was because of him, they were being careful because of him . It made Namjoon feel nervous, his stomach squeezing and his heart beating faster in his chest, but it wasn’t the kind of nervous that he was used to. The kind where he was afraid . This was a good kind of nervous, the kind that filled him with anticipation–which wasn’t something he felt often, when it came to the Submissive side of him. With his work, it was common, that anticipation–it was something he was good at and had control over, but being a Submissive had always felt like something that he’d felt he had no power over. He could work as hard as ever, but that was a part of him he could just never control, and that he had always felt was wrong .

But sitting at the table, and seeing Hoseok’s hand wrap around the back of Taehyung’s neck, rubbing at the side of his throat with casual possessiveness, or the way Seokjin gently but firmly chided Jungkook when he went for his third helping of meat but still hadn’t finished his vegetables…These people knew he was a Submissive. Or, half of them did, and for once it actually felt like the other half wouldn’t judge him when they found out who he truly was.

Hoseok and Jungkook cleared the table after everyone had finished eating, but it didn’t seem as though they were doing the full clean up just yet, because they came back after taking everything away, and the atmosphere shifted. Jungkook had taken a seat next to Namjoon, and Yoongi was on his other side, but neither of them spoke, their eyes directed toward Seokjin. Everyone around the table was looking toward Seokjin, and Namjoon instinctively found himself doing the same. Seokjin seemed to hold himself even taller, and despite the tension that could be felt around the table, he looked calm as he smiled across at Namjoon.

“I know this all might feel intimidating,” Seokjin began, and his expression was sympathetic. “We just wanted to make sure that you knew this was coming from all of us as a cluster, not just a couple of us.” Namjoon licked his lips nervously, and he could feel his hands shaking where they were resting on his lap under the table. A moment later, a hand reached out from his left–from Yoongi–covering his own and giving it a comforting squeeze. “We– all of us–we want to court you.”

Court .

That was more serious than dating. Courting was what happened to see if someone was a good fit to join a cluster.

Objectively, Namjoon considered this as an option–that this was what they were going to discuss today, based on what both Seokjin and Taehyung had said.

But it felt surreal to hear it.

“We know it’s a lot to consider,” it was Hoseok who spoke up next. “Especially since we’re already an established cluster–and you don’t know us all that well yet. But…We would love for you to consider us.”

That felt even more surreal.

Silence stretched between them, around the whole table, and slowly everyone’s eyes turned to him, and Namjoon realized that it was his turn to speak. He was glad Yoongi was holding his hand, and then Jungkook reached out and took his other hand, and Namjoon squeezed both of them for support.

“I…Yes,” he nodded, slowly at first before his head was jerking more quickly. “Yes, I do–I want to–to court you. All of you.” He was looking directly at Seokjin as he spoke, and it wasn’t until his eyes drifted to the others around the table that he realized he was scared to see their reactions. He felt sure about Seokjin and Taehyung and Jungkook–and Yoongi and maybe Hoseok. So maybe it wasn’t all of their reactions, it was mainly Jimin. But as his eyes landed on Jimin, the younger man was looking right back at him, and his expression wasn’t the easiest to read, but he didn’t look unhappy . “If that’s what all of you want…I want that as well. I really do.” It felt incredibly vulnerable to be saying that, to be admitting that to a cluster, to a group of people who were already so involved and interconnected with each other.

But he trusted what Seokjin and Hoseok had said. There was such an obvious, strong bond between all of them, and he didn’t doubt that there would have been many conversations about this before they even thought about approaching him–he didn’t think at all that they would be the type of people who would just jump into things. Maybe Jungkook or even Taehyung, if it was just the pair of them, but not the Dominant’s– especially the Head Dom.

So he had to trust all of them.

He had to trust all of them with all of him.

“I, uh…” Namjoon cleared his throat as he clung to Yoongi and Namjoon’s hands like a lifeline. “Just to be upfront with everyone, I want to say…I’m a–I’m a Submissive.” Each time he said it outloud it was easier. And he felt as though he had said and acknowledged it the most in the past few weeks than he had in the rest of his lifetime.

He couldn’t actually see Yoongi or Jungkook’s reactions, given they were sitting on either side of him, and opposite him Taehyung was smiling at him in a way that looked almost proud. But he could visibly see Hoseok and Jimin’s reactions–and Hoseok looked slightly surprised while Jimin looked downright shocked.

“I…I’m not very open about it–with anyone,” he continued quietly. “My family is–that’s a whole mess that I don’t want to get into right now,” he let out a rueful laugh. “But–I want to tell you that I—what I am. I want you all to know.”

“Thank you for telling us, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok’s voice was soft and reassuring.

“You know that doesn’t change anything, right?” It was Jimin who piped up, his words blunt and catching Namjoon off guard. He didn’t know what Jimin meant–a lot of the time it was difficult to get a read on Jimin–and he stiffened as he looked across at the smaller man.

“I…” Namjoon didn’t know how to respond. “What?”

“Who you are to us doesn’t change based on your subgender assignment,” Jimin continued, and Namjoon really wished he could read Jimin’s expressions. “We don’t care if you’re a Dominant or a Switch or a Submissive, we care about who you are as a person. And that’s who we’re asking to court,” he said and that sounded like a good thing. It sounded like a great thing, actually, he just hadn’t expected those words to come from Jimin.

Taehyung had already mentioned that maybe Jimin understood part of what he went through with his family, he just hadn’t thought that Jimin would be so understanding with him after their first couple of interactions. And he didn’t think Jimin would be so upfront about wanting to court him. Namjoon didn’t doubt it was something that they had all discussed at length before coming to him, but still…Jimin was the one he was least sure about when it came to wanting to be with Namjoon.

“Thank you,” Namjoon murmured, and he felt Yoongi’s thumb gently rubbing against the back of his hand. “I…Thank you,” he repeated. He felt a bit overwhelmed–a lot overwhelmed, actually, but both Yoongi and Jungkook’s touch was grounding. He let himself sit there and just feel their touch, Yoongi’s long, calloused fingers and Jungkook’s warm, tattooed ones, both of them seemingly happy to just hold his hands for as long as he needed their comfort.

And that was what this was all about, wasn’t it?

Being in a cluster wasn’t just someone who could take one through a Scene, and relieve the biological urges that they all got, sexual and otherwise. It was also about love and comfort and balance. And that was what he was being offered.

Namjoon had never thought he could be that lucky.

The conversation shifted after a few minutes, as though they could sense that this was a lot for Namjoon, and he was grateful to just be able to sit there as they all spoke. Much like with dinner, the conversation was a lot more subdued than the first time he had come here, which he really appreciated, because how rowdy it had been the first time would have been too much. Jungkook and Yoongi kept on holding his hands, until people began to leave the table, and Seokjin got up and circled around to where he was sitting and circled around to where Namjoon was.

“Let me and Namjoonie have some time together,” he murmured. Yoongi got up first, squeezing Namjoon’s hand before letting go, and Seokjin took his seat, but Jungkook moved slower. Namjoon could feel his hesitance in leaving, his hand still gripping his tightly. Seokjin didn’t look offended as he smiled at Jungkook, but he wasn’t backing down either. “I just want to talk. Go and see Hoseokie, hm?” Jungkook’s nose twitched before he nodded, getting up from where he was sitting and leaning in to quickly kiss Namjoon on the temple before he was letting go of his hand. “Good boy,” Seokjin murmured as Jungkook passed by him, and Jungkook stopped for a hard kiss on the mouth before he left the room.

And then it was just Seokjin and Namjoon.

“How are you feeling?” Seokjin asked, getting straight to the point and Namjoon let out a nervous laugh, trying to relieve the tension gathered in his shoulders.

“I…I’m okay?” He replied and Seokjin just smiled gently.

“Nothing is going to happen tonight, or tomorrow–or even next week,” he told Namjoon. “It’s a lot to come into a cluster that’s already established, I know that. Yoongi was the last member to join, but we had only been together for about ten months at that point. Now , it’s been a lot longer. I imagine it can be intimidating,” his voice was kind and understanding and he was right. That was exactly how Namjoon was feeling.

“Yeah,” he murmured, not sure what else to say.

“I was thinking– we were thinking,” Seokjin corrected himself. “We have a google drive that we all have access to. It has our kinks, the things we like and our hard limits, all those kinds of things in there. We, uh–we also uploaded test results that all of us got within the past fortnight.” Namjoon blinked in surprise, he didn’t think testing would be something that clusters did regularly, since usually they only slept with one another. Seokjin seemed to understand the confusion and clarified. “We go and get tested about once a year, just to make sure everything is fine, but we were all tested recently, we just wanted you to…Be sure. If anything happens, you know.”

They got tested…In case they ended up sleeping together. As in sleep together with him .

They really were serious about him.

“I…” Namjoon took in a deep breath before turning in his seat, so that he was facing Seokjin, and Seokjin did the same, widening his thighs so that they bracketed Namjoons. Namjoon had thick thighs, and he was broad, and tall, and he wasn’t used to anyone making him feel small.

But Seokjin did.

It was so simple, the way he shifted his legs, so they were on either side of Namjoon’s, and he held himself tall, with his shoulders rolled back, while Namjoon was slumped forward, his head bowed forward and looking down at where his hands were clasped together. Seokjin’s hands covered his after a moment as well, practically engulfing Namjoon’s, his fingers circling over his knuckles.

“We’re serious–about you and about not wanting to rush things,” Seokjin said quietly, tracing his fingertips down the lines that creased the side of Namjoon’s palm. It was a gentle, feather-light touch that sent a shiver down Namjoon’s spine, especially paired with his kind words, and the implication behind them. “So I thought maybe if you could go through some documents, to see what we all liked, what our limits were, I thought that might help.”

“Thank you,” Namjoon said, finally looking up at Seokjin, and only just realizing how close they were, their noses almost bumping together before he adjusted himself and jerked his head back, his cheeks flaring red. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Seokjin didn’t sound bothered at all, especially as his lips quirked in the corner.

“Did you want to stay for a while? I think the boys are playing some games in the lounge, or if you wanted to do something quieter, Yoongi is probably in the library–his art things are all set up there,” Seokjin offered but Namjoon shook his head. Part of him wanted to stay, but the other part of him just wanted to get home, to where everything was familiar and comforting.

“I think I want to go home,” Namjoon said quietly, hoping he didn’t offend Seokjin, because he knew how some Dominant’s got when they were turned down. But Seokjin shook his head, still touching Namjoon carefully, his expression still kind.

“Of course,” he answered. “I’ll take you back now–and I’ll give you that password, to get into the google drive.”

“Are you sure?” Namjoon asked, because the information that Seokjin was talking about was incredibly personal and intimate, not the kind of the thing usually shared outside of a cluster, at least not with someone that they didn’t trust implicitly. They were inviting Namjoon into their lives in just about every way, and he really wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve it.

“I wouldn’t offer if we weren’t sure, if all of us weren’t sure,” Seokjin replied as he squeezed lightly at Namjoon’s clasped hands, not pulling away from how close they were, sharing his space easily with Namjoon. His hand came up to brush against his cheek before his thumb and forefinger gently gripped Namjoon’s chin, waiting until he met Seokjin’s eyes. “I know there’s a lot of things that you’re struggling with, and that you’re not ready to share with all of us yet. And that’s okay. But we do want to help–with anything you need, when you’re ready.” Seokjin was looking at him with such intensity that it made Namjoon’s stomach twist and squeeze, and he couldn’t help but lick his lips. Seokjin’s eyes dropped to his mouth, not trying to hide that he was looking, and his thumb brushed back and forth over Namjoon’s chin before he was pulling back and straightening up. “Come on,” he smiled. “I’ll take you home–say goodbye to the others first, though, okay? They won’t be happy if you don’t.”

Namjoon’s heart warmed at that, because he believed Seokjin.

He followed after the Dominant, down the hall and to the lounge where the other five members of the cluster were gathered. The goodbyes were short, with both Taehyung and Jungkook asking if they could hug him, to which Namjoon nodded. It felt nice, the way each of them lingered a bit–with the exception of Jimin and Hoseok, who were curled up on an armchair together, with Hoseok’s hand resting firmly on the back of Jimin’s neck. Hoseok waved at him with a warm expression, though, and Jimin gave him a small smile, dipping his head in a nod, and it was then that Namjoon glimpsed the collar that was around Jimin’s neck. He was wearing a hoodie and the collar was mostly hidden, but Namjoon saw it, and the way Hoseok’s fingers were underneath the material, tightening it around his throat. Jimin’s eyes were slightly glazed, which was maybe why his smile to Namjoon’s smile had actually looked genuine.

Then again, he sounded genuine when he had spoken up around the table.

Seokjin took Namjoon home, and he seemed to be aware that Namjoon’s mind was racing, because he connected his phone to the radio and turned on some lighthearted music. When they got back to Namjoon’s building, Seokjin insisted on walking him upstairs despite Namjoon shaking his head, and when they reached his door, Seokjin kissed his cheek.

“I’ll message you the password,” Seokjin said quietly. “If you have any questions, feel free to reach out–to any of us.”

“Okay,” Namjoon nodded, his left cheek where Seokjin had kissed him feeling warm. “Thank you.” Seokjin nodded, smiling at him once more before turning to walk back down the hallway toward the elevator. Namjoon swiped his card to unlock his apartment, but he waited until Seokjin had stepped into the elevator and the doors had shut before going inside.

As Seokjin said, when he had been leaving Namjoon’s apartment building, he sent Namjoon the password and link to the google drive. Namjoon thought about opening it that night, but there had already been so much that had happened, and he knew that if he opened the drive, he would never be able to get any sleep.

So he saved it for Sunday, and after he took a walk to get himself coffee and a breakfast wrap, he settled down on his couch with a soft blanket wrapped around him and gentle music playing in the background and opened his laptop. He wondered who it had been who had gone through and carefully labelled everything and made it so easy to sort through. There were kink tests that they had all taken, with their preferences and limits, and they had also attached the certificates that everyone received from the government, declaring their subgender statuses. It felt strange to see them laid out so proudly, not trying to hide them at all, when Namjoon’s parents had always said he should hide his out of shame.

Going through their kinks felt as though he was looking behind the curtain, witnessing something that he wasn’t supposed to–a little like the evening when he had seen Jimin on his knees in front of Hoseok and Seokjin.

Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook all had some harder kinks–and what surprised him was the way that Jungkook enjoyed being on the Dominant side of those kinks a lot. He really had thought that Jungkook was a Submissive, but reading through everything just told him something that he should already know; not to judge something at face value. Just because Jungkook had been in Subdrop the first time that Namjoon had ever seen him didn’t mean he was a Submissive.

Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin were all Switches, with Jungkook on the highest end of the scale of Dominance, which was also surprising. Yoongi and Jimin were both pretty even, and Namjoon wondered how that worked. Jimin and Jungkook both leaned heavily into physical punishments, while Yoongi seemed quite averse to them, preferring things like extra chores, having his orgasms revoked for a period of time or to sit quietly in a corner. Taehyung also liked physical punishments–much harder than Jimin did–like flogging, whipping and caning. Jungkook liked caning, but not flogging or whipping, however he was comfortable being on the delivering side of all of them. Jimin didn’t like reinforcing punishments for anyone, which Namjoon could understand. While he didn’t have any issue with punishments, and he would even maybe like some himself in terms of being with a cluster and having direction and guidance, he didn’t think he would ever like to be on the delivering end of things.

Hoseok had a lot of harder kinks, very similar to Taehyung. Some of them made Namjoon’s eyes widen, and even though he wouldn’t want to engage in those kinks, he would definitely like to watch. It made him squirm as he thought about Hoseok strapping Taehyung down and making him cry, and he wondered if that was something he would be allowed to do, if it was something they would be comfortable with, him watching them.

Honestly, it was making him rather light-headed and spacey to read through the details of the cluster, and imagine himself as possibly someone who would one day have a fully comprehensive sheet like all the others. That maybe it would be him getting fucked by Jungkook, or being overstimulated by Hoseok, or rimming Taehyung, or being spanked by Yoongi, or being cockwarmed by Jimin or being denied orgasms by Seokjin. He had to stop reading after he found himself daydreaming for the umpteenth time, and decided that he probably needed to take a break.

But…

Going through their preferences and kink sheets and seeing their subgender certifications…It made everything feel even more real.

It also made him dig through some old files that were shoved in the bottom cabinet in his study and find his own certification that he had been given as a teenager, something that was also scanned and saved on a flash drive somewhere that he never looked at. The edges were a bit rumpled as he smoothed his hands over the embossed paper.

Kim Namjoon - Submissive

There was a red stamp in the corner, and the name of the agency where his family had taken him to be assessed. It had actually been the second agency they had taken him to, because when the first place had told him he was a Submissive, they didn’t want to accept it. They had pushed, saying there must have been a mistake, that he must at least be a Switch, and had then refused to let him authorize anything, taking him somewhere else, where they had gotten the same answer.

The thing was, when he had first found out, from the woman at the first agency who had smiled brightly at him and told him he was a Submissive, he had actually been tentatively happy. She told him that it was a good thing that he knew, that he could embrace that side of himself, and be true to how he was, and even though he had been worried about how his family would react, he’d actually thought maybe it would be okay. That hopeful feeling had been snuffed out quickly, the moment he had come out of the room to where his parents were waiting, and he’d been dealing with the shame ever since.

The only person outside of his family–and now the Kim cluster–who knew him and his designation was Soyoon. There were the few Dominant’s that he hired to help him when things were getting bad, but he didn’t even use his real name when he booked with the agency or met them in a hotel. He had always been scared; of people somehow finding out, of his parents' mortification and others reactions…

But now he had a chance.

It was scary, but if he was brave enough to take it, he had a chance.

A couple of weeks later, there had been some tentative conversations and an agreement that they would take things slow, and suddenly Namjoon was being courted.

Properly courted.

The first proper ‘date’ that they went on, other than the few dinners that Namjoon went to at their home–the last few times had ended with Namjoon falling asleep on the couch, beside Hoseok one time and Jungkook another–was to a local festival. It was Hoseok and Yoongi who came by his work to ask for him to join them, and Namjoon had eagerly agreed.

And it was fun .

Namjoon wasn’t sure what to expect, on his first official date–and their first public date–he wasn’t sure if it was going to be obvious that he wasn’t part of their cluster, that he was on the outside. But it absolutely wasn’t. Yoongi picked Namjoon up, with Jungkook and Taehyung in his vehicle, and when they got to the festival, Jungkook practically clung to him as they walked around. It was only when Seokjin had said that he would buy food that Jungkook dragged himself away, always eager for something to eat. And then it had been Yoongi who had stayed at his side, and when they were watching a lit up ride, his hand bumped against Namjoon’s several times, until Namjoon shifted his hand, letting his fingers touch the back of Yoongi’s hand to show that he was receptive. Neither of them looked at each other as Yoongi gently tangled their fingers together, but Namjoon felt his heart beating so fast it felt as though it was going to explode out of his chest.

Seokjin insisted on paying for all of the food they got, which was something that his cluster was clearly used to but definitely flustered Namjoon when Seokjin plucked Namjoon’s wallet from his hand when he tried to pay for bungeoppang. Taehyung laughed at the expression on Namjoon’s face, and Hoseok easily threw his arm around Namjoon’s shoulders as he whispered to just let Seokjin pay.

“It makes him happy, he likes fussing over all of us,” Hoseok said and Namjoon blushed. He knew that Dominant’s liked to look after those in their cluster, and it was clear that Seokjin and Hoseok fell into that commonality, but Namjoon wasn’t part of their cluster–not yet, anyway.

They treated him like he was, though.

Jimin drifted in his direction later in the evening, when Jungkook and Hoseok were still filled with energy and dragging Seokjin toward a face painting stall, and Yoongi and Taehyung had gone to find a bathroom. The conversation wasn’t as easy between them, but it definitely seemed as though Jimin was making an effort–a big effort.

And when they found somewhere to sit and wait for everyone, Jimin sat closer than Namjoon expected him to. Their thighs pressed together and Namjoon wondered if he should stay something when Jimin started the conversation, quietly asking him about his work and then shifting into their game of Scrabble the other night. Namjoon made sure to ask Jimin questions too, and by the time the rest of the cluster found them, they were huddled together as the evening air became colder, and Jimin was laughing quietly at something Namjoon said.

Jimin even joined Namjoon in the backseat of Yoongi’s car as he took him home, Taehyung taking the front seat and Jungkook electing to go with Seokjin and Hoseok but making sure to give Namjoon a lingering hug before he left.

Namjoon considered the night a success, and obviously they did too, because the courting continued.

Yoongi and Jungkook came to his work and brought him lunch, and Yoongi sat with him in his studio a few times, completely fascinated by his work. It turned out Yoongi did a lot of writing, he had published a couple of poetry books and he loved writing lyrics. He used to actually produce music but something had happened that made him stop and now he just preferred to write. He didn’t want to talk about it, and Namjoon didn’t pry, but it felt so good to bounce his ideas of someone who actually gave proper criticism and feedback.

Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin all came around after he finished work to take him out for dinner a few times–sometimes it was Hoseok who came instead of Jimin, sometimes it was Jimin, Jungkook and Yoongi, there was once when it was only him and Taehyung, and it was nice . Namjoon had been worried that it would feel like there was pressure, but after the first few times where he was second-guessing everything, it was so much better. It was easy.

It was just…Really, really nice .

Seokjin took him to a fancy restaurant–which he owned . He wasn’t a supervisor, or a manager, he owned the place, along with a couple of other restaurants that he promised to take Namjoon to at some point, and they sat at the back in a private area and their shoes bumped together multiple times under the table. Seokjin had asked him earlier what kind of food he liked, and had ordered for both of them ahead of time, which made Namjoon’s Submissive side feel incredibly happy and taken care of–even moreso when Seokjin double checked with him to make sure that he was satisfied with the food and that he didn’t want anything else.

Hoseok and Jimin worked at a dance studio that wasn’t too far from Namjoon’s work, when he was on his bike it only took him fifteen minutes to get there. Hoseok was an advanced choreographer and Jimin was a dance teacher, and when Namjoon saw them together? It was like magic. They were beautiful . Namjoon was an awful dancer–he had two left feet–but a couple of times when he had been there after most people had gone home, Jimin dragged him into the studio as they waited for Hoseok to finish up in his office, and they had danced.

The first time Namjoon had ever seen Jimin–looking powerful and holding himself tall despite his short stature, protective and possessive over his cluster member–he would never have imagined that they would end up in this position. Even later, after he had been introduced to the others and he was getting to know them, and Jimin was still a bit standoffish, it hadn’t even entered the realm of possibilities that they might end up here.

And then they kissed.

He would never have thought the first kiss he would share with the cluster would be with Jimin, but it was , and he would never have imagined it any other way.

Namjoon had been attempting to dance–terribly, awfully–and he managed to trip over his own feet, falling down and somehow managing to take Jimin with him. He twisted himself, not wanting to land on Jimin, and instead Jimin ended up half sprawled over Namjoon’s chest, his body shaking, and for a moment, Namjoon thought that he was crying. He worriedly jerked up to look at Jimin, not caring about the ache in his ass from where he had landed, but when Jimin lifted his head, Namjoon saw that he was laughing.

“You’re right,” Jimin managed to say between laughs.

“Huh?”

“You’re not a good dancer,” Jimin told him, pushing up with one palm on the ground beside Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Hey!” Namjoon protested weakly, but he wasn’t offended, not in the slightest. He was making Jimin laugh, and the pretty boy was laying on top of him and not looking as though he was eager at all to move, so he was considering this all a win.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin said with a smirk. “I can teach you–it’s my job and I’m pretty good at it.”

“I don’t think I’m teachable,” it was Namjoon’s turn to laugh.

“Me and Hobah can teach anyone,” Jimin responded, and the hand that wasn’t propping him up rested on Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon wasn’t sure if Jimin was aware of the way his fingertips began tracing nonsensical shapes over his chest, sending tiny sparks skittering over Namjoon’s skin beneath the shirt he was wearing. “Hyung?” There was a shift in Jimin’s voice that made Namjoon blink and try to recentre his thoughts and focus on Jimin.

“Mm?”

“You know I want this, right?” There was a slight shake in his voice that made Namjoon frown. “You…Becoming part of our cluster. I want that–just like everyone else.” Namjoon’s eyes widened as he stared up at Jimin.

It was no secret that Jimin was the most hesitant among the cluster when it came to Namjoon–especially right at the start, but…Jimin had spoken up when they had been around the table talking about it for the first time. And whenever he went there for dinner or a games night, he was opening up to Namjoon more and more. And then when they had gone to the fair the other week and sat so close they were sharing body heat…Jimin’s hand had been small but sure as it had slid into Namjoon’s.

“I know,” Namjoon murmured quietly.

“Are you sure?” Jimin persisted, his hand flattening against Namjoon’s chest. “Because–because we didn’t start out the best, and I know I can be–I can be an asshole sometimes, but–”

“Jimin-ah,” Namjoon interrupted him gently, because Jimin sounded genuinely distressed. “Jimin-ah, we didn’t meet in the best way because you were protective over your boyfriend who was in Subdrop. I understand .” He swallowed hard as he remembered how fierce Jimin was that first time he saw him, and then how beautiful he had been when he was down on his knees in front of Seokjin and Hoseok.

Jimin had apologised.

And Namjoon understood.

“I…” Namjoon trailed off at the next thought that came into his head, but Jimin was looking at him intently, and Namjoon had been getting better at voicing what he was feeling, not caring how Submissive it might make him look. “I hope that you’ll look after me like that someday too,” the last few words came out in a mumble and his cheeks flared red and hot, but Jimin’s eyes just widened, and his plush lips curled upwards in the corners.

“Yeah?” He breathed out and Namjoon managed to nod.

“Yeah,” he murmured. Jimin blinked a few times before his smile widened and he lowered himself down, until he was only a few inches away from Namjoon’s face, and Namjoon could smell the flowery perfume and some peachy, like Jimin’s shampoo.

“I will,” Jimin’s voice was soft but firm. “I will look after you, and protect you, now and once you’re part of our cluster.” Jimin said it as though it was already a sure thing, and that made Namjoon feel warm all over, blinking slow as he felt his limbs loosen.

“O-okay,” Namjoon managed to stutter and Jimin just…He looked so beautiful. His blonde hair was falling around his face and the light shone from behind him like a halo, as though he was an angel, and he kept leaning closer, until his nose was bumping against Namjoon’s.

“Can I kiss you, Joonie?” Jimin asked quietly, although he must already know the answer. He had to know the answer.

“Yes, please ,” Namjoon sounded a bit more desperate than he expected but he didn’t care. Because then Jimin was closing the gap between them and his lips were pressing gently against Namjoon’s and Namjoon felt like his head went empty.

It had been a long time since he had kissed someone.

And it had been even longer since he had kissed someone as himself , without trying to put anything on. When he would hook up with people–usually in clubs or dark bars–they assumed he was Dominant, and he would make sure to push back, as unnatural as that felt, to make it seem like there was some kind of battle for power. It wasn’t satisfactory for Namjoon, but it had been close enough to getting what he needed without hiring someone.

But with Jimin…

Jimin wasn’t a Dominant, but he was definitely more dominant than Namjoon was, cupping Namjoon’s face gently and leaning forward to press lingering kisses to Namjoon’s mouth, easily taking the lead as the kiss got deeper. Namjoon felt his body getting heavier and heavier as Jimin laid over him, shifting one of his legs to slide between Namjoon’s thighs and dipping his tongue into Namjoon’s mouth. The hand against Namjoon’s cheek slipped down a little further so that his thumb was pressed beneath Namjoon’s chin to tilt his head upward and open his mouth wider.

Namjoon was dizzy when Jimin slowly pulled away, leaning back in to press a kiss to his lower lip before he rolled off Namjoon and sat beside him. Namjoon laid on the hard floor for longer, his eyes still closed, his body tingling–especially when Jimin reached out and took his hand, brushing his thumb against his palm and staying quiet, letting Namjoon drift. He felt safe, even though he could feel the cloudiness of his Submissive headspace and he wasn’t in his home–Jimin’s hand was an anchor, his touch reassuring.

At some point, Hoseok came in, but he didn’t speak loudly or start singing like he often did, he approached them quietly and leaned down to drop a kiss to the top of Jimin’s head, before crouching down to ruffle his fingers through Namjoon’s hair.

“You guys ready to go get dinner?” Hoseok asked softly, and Namjoon opened his eyes slowly and nodded. He knew he must have a bit of a dopey expression on his face, but he really didn’t care. Both Jimin and Hoseok were looking at him with smiles, and Hoseok reached out his hands toward Namjoon, and his grip was firm and steady and his hands were warm as he helped Namjoon to his feet.

Taehyung was the one who kissed him next, when he and Seokjin came to his work to pick him up for a dinner out, while Seokjin watched them. Taehyung’s kiss was very different from Jimin’s, soft and exploratory as he gently touched the sides of Namjoon’s face, and then when Seokjin stepped forward, his kiss was much different as well–from either of them. His kiss was a lot more controlling, especially as pressed a firm hand to the base of Namjoon’s spine, and the other pressed against the side of his neck. If Namjoon had felt dizzy after his kiss with Jimin, he was positively dazed when Seokjin stepped back, and his face clearly showed that. Taehyung had laughed quietly while Seokjin had put his mask on, carefully hooking it over Namjoon’s ears so that his expression wasn’t going to be obvious to his co-workers. Then he had lead Namjoon and Taehyung out of the music studio and toward the elevator, and Namjoon couldn’t help but cling to Seokjin’s side.

It was Yoongi next, in his studio again, when they were listening to a couple of pieces that Namjoon was working on, and Yoongi had been visibly impressed, praising Namjoon a whole lot more than he had experienced in a long time–maybe ever. It was Namjoon who initiated this time–shyly, but he still made the first move–and he was proud of himself for it. He wasn’t pretending to be Dominant, he was just going after what he wanted. Yoongi smiled into the kiss and had then clambered onto Namjoon’s lap and wrapped his arms tightly around Namjoon’s shoulders, and Namjoon had felt completely weak-kneed afterwards.

And then it was Hoseok who he shared a kiss with, and it turned out Jungkook was last–which Namjoon had been surprised by, because for some reason he had thought that Jungkook would be the first.

“Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice was low as they stood outside Namjoon’s apartment door, and Namjoon’s head jerked up from where had been fumbling for his keycard, meeting Jungkook’s eyes. They were huge and filled with stars and curiosity. “Can I…Can I kiss you, hyung? Is that okay?” Jungkook asked quietly and Namjoon nodded so quickly and furiously that Jungkook let out a sweet giggle. “Okay,” Jungkook let out a breath and then his expression became a lot more serious as he shuffled closer to Namjoon. Namjoon watched him closely, his hands twitching at his side as he waited, and his heart rate increased as Jungkook’s hand rested on his hip. His hand was big, and warm, and it curved around his hip to bring him in closer until their bodies were pressed together, their chests together as Jungkook’s eyes dropped down to look at his mouth. Namjoon knew he was doing the same, his gaze flicking between Jungkook’s lips and then up to his eyes and his breath caught in his throat as Jungkook finally leaned in.

It was a gentle kiss that lingered and made Namjoon’s chest flutter, and he didn’t notice as Jungkook was edging him backwards, until his back was firm against his door. Namjoon’s legs spread, making him shorter than Jungkook and giving the younger man easy access to step in even closer against him. Jungkook kissed him a few more times, close-mouthed and soft, and when he began to pull back, Namjoon made a whimpering sound, leaning forward to steal another kiss. He could feel Jungkook’s smile, and then the man kissed the tip of Namjoon’s nose, and each of his cheeks, before he was finally stepping back. Namjoon took a few moments to open his eyes, and his legs felt shaky–he was glad he was leaning against the door, and Jungkook’s hands were still helping to steady him.

“I’ve been waiting so long to do that,” Jungkook confessed and Namjoon smiled bashfully.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to do that,” Namjoon confessed right back, and Jungkook’s smile got even bigger.

“I’ll see you on Friday? I think Jiminie and Yoongi were going to pick you up,” Jungkook’s voice broke before he cleared his throat, his cheeks reddening. “Yeah–they’ll come and get you from work, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Namjoon was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, loving that Jungkook was just as affected by their kiss as he was.

“Good,” Jungkook nodded a few more times as he shoved his hands into his pockets and took another few steps back, in the direction of the elevator.

“Good,” Namjoon echoed.

“Oh!” Jungkook’s eyes lit up as he remembered something. “Uh, Seokjin asked if you could–if you were ready to fill in some of the tests? And–and upload them to the google drive?” Namjoon’s expression faltered–not because he didn’t want this, the next step forward in joining their cluster–but he still couldn’t help his nervousness. He was scared .

They knew he was a Submissive and accepted that fully, which had already been such a big step for him. Going through the tests and checklists and answering questions about his kinks–that was an even bigger step, which filled him with excitement and also with anxiousness. He’d never done a BDSM test before to share with a partner–he had done several before, quite a few actually, but not to share with someone. It was incredibly common, and usually one of the things done early in a relationship, to make sure the ones involved were compatible, but Namjoon had never trusted anyone enough to get that far, and definitely not to open up fully too. Even with the Dominant’s he hired, the agencies would only request the things he needed the most of, they weren’t there to cater to every need of his.

“Is that okay?” Namjoon hadn’t realized that Jungkook had stepped closer again, concern showing on his face. “If it’s too soon–”

“No!” Namjoon spoke so loudly that both him and Jungkook jolted in surprise. He cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, that’s–that’s not it,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Jungkook’s voice was soft, he didn’t sound like he was judging Namjoon, or upset at him, but Namjoon could already feel that shift in mindset–worried about upsetting a Dominant, his Dominant. Because if he joined their cluster, then Jungkook would definitely be one of his Dominant’s, despite the fact he was a Switch. And the idea of upsetting him–or any of them–it filled him with a sick sense of dread, even more than what his parents brought over him. “Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook’s voice sounded further away now, even though Namjoon knew Jungkook was standing right in front of him. “Hyung?”

“Sorry,” Namjoon managed to whisper, although his voice sounded strained, all his emotions feeling as though they were rising and bubbling just under the surface.

“Hey, Joonie?” There was obvious concern in Jungkook’s voice and then his hands were back on Namjoon, this time on his arms. “How about we go inside, yeah?” He prompted gently and Namjoon nodded, grateful when Jungkook took the keycard from him and swiped it, opening Namjoon’s front door and guiding him carefully inside. Namjoon swallowed hard but it seemed as though Jungkook didn’t expect him to say anything, kneeling down to take Namjoon’s shoes off one at a time, and then sliding on a pair of slippers.

Namjoon blinked but Jungkook didn’t say anything as he led him to the couch, in a similar position to when he’d been sick and Jungkook, Taehyung and Yoongi had come over. It was different this time, though, because Jungkook knew who he really was, but that didn’t stop Namjoon’s stomach from twisting in knots at the memory.

It wasn’t all that late–Namjoon had finished work early that day and Jungkook usually finished work around two or three, so they had met up to go for a walk. Jungkook had then driven him home, and Namjoon had been planning to ask Jungkook if he wanted to stay for dinner, before Jungkook had asked to kiss him–and then dropped the question on him.

He’d been doing so well . He hadn’t had any type of Drop recently, and even though he hadn’t had any type of release either, he’d been floating along in a good headspace. There hadn’t been any official Scenes and the cluster had been so careful with him, making sure not to push him in either direction while still gently giving him something . Yoongi guided him when helping him in the kitchen, Seokjin had helped him with his schedule when he had been feeling overwhelmed, Hoseok had praised him with a wide smile after he had helped him folding clothes, Jimin had given him a happy kiss and a cuddle when Namjoon had brought him and Hoseok snacks when they were working late…It gave him a slight high, his Submissive side incredibly happy that he had made his Dominant’s happy– the Dominant’s, not his .

Not yet.

But he had been holding off on filling in the tests and giving them back. Seokjin had been true to his word, and they hadn’t been pressuring him to make any decisions–or even asked if he had accessed the google Drive. They would know but they hadn’t asked him any questions. But it just felt so scary, so final .

“Are you okay?” Jungkook’s voice was low and comforting as he knelt in front of Namjoon, resting his hands on Namjoon’s thighs, his thumbs rubbing in gentle circles over his knees.

“Y-yeah,” Namjoon shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and the tightening that was happening in his temples.

“It’s okay if you’re not okay,” Jungkook murmured. “I won’t be upset, and I won’t leave. I promise.” Namjoon stared at him, and even though the corners of his vision were beginning to waver, he heard Jungkook clearly, and he believed him.

Namjoon stayed on the couch, feeling his head swarm and his ears buzz, but he was aware enough to know that Jungkook never left. He got up to make Namjoon a warm drink of tea, and then he found some of the soft blankets that Namjoon liked to swaddle himself in, and turned on the TV as he sat next to Namjoon, rubbing wide circles on his back that made Namjoon’s body sway from side-to-side as his eyelids got heavier. He fell asleep at some point, leaning on Jungkook’s shoulder and when he woke up, he felt a lot better, and was surprised to see Seokjin also in the room, sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch beside Namjoon.

It hadn’t been a full Drop–he’d just teetered on the brink of it.

“Namjoonie?” Seokjin’s smile was soft as he turned to look up at Namjoon, as though sensing the moment he’d woken up. “Hi, baby,” Seokjin’s voice was so gentle. Namjoon felt tears instantly flood to his eyes, and the smile dropped away, concern replacing it as he leaned forward and his hands cupped Namjoon’s face. “Are you okay? Can you tell us what you need?”

“Just…Just you,” Namjoon managed to say and Seokjin nodded, not looking upset by that, and he moved to sit on his one side, while Jungkook was on the other. Neither of them said anything, and Namjoon was grateful that they were just there . Seokjin had brought food, and after a while, he reheated it and they all ate together on the couch.

It was shortly after that that Namjoon began to feel guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he began, looking between Seokjin and Jungkook. “I didn’t mean–I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Jungkook looked confused. “We all have triggers or things that make us Drop or float…”

“That’s why we want you to fill in the questionnaires and do the tests,” Seokjin’s voice was a bit firmer than Jungkook’s this time, and Namjoon sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. “We didn’t want to put you on the spot or make you feel uncomfortable, we just wanted…We wanted to know what we could give you. And how to look after you.”

Namjoon knew that.

They weren’t trying to trick him, or back him into a corner, or reveal everything about himself so they could use it against him.

It was just…Intimidating.

“I know,” he murmured.

“I didn’t know it was something you were worried about,” Jungkook murmured. “I wouldn’t have just–like, dropped it on you I knew it was something you were stressed over.”

“I know it shouldn’t be that much of a big deal,” Namjoon began quietly.

“It is a big deal,” Seokjin contradicted, validating Namjoon’s worries. “You’ll be opening up to us about things that you haven’t talked to a lot of people about–maybe anyone. It’s natural for that to be overwhelming.” Namjoon swallowed hard because yes, the things that he would tell them if going to be honest and fill everything in. It was scary . “When…When Jiminie joined our cluster…It took a while for him to tell us everything.” Namjoon nodded because he remembered what Taehyung had said to him.

“And Hoseok?” He asked and Seokjin looked surprised but nodded.

“Not everyone’s families accept people for who they are,” he stated diplomatically.

“Which is fucking stupid,” Jungkook grumbled under his breath and Seokjin shot him a look that would have made Namjoon apologize, but Jungkook just fell quiet.

“Is it…Is it the same with you?” Seokjin asked softly and Namjoon realized that just like how Seokjin had kept his secret about being a Submissive, Taehyung had also kept his secret about his family. Clusters weren’t supposed to keep secrets, but maybe because it was personal for Namjoon, and they encouraged him to be open in his own time, it was different. He appreciated that.

“Yeah,” Namjoon shrugged. “But–” he broke off, pursing his lips together before drawing in a breath through his nose. “I don’t want that to affect my chance of…Of joining your cluster,” he murmured truthfully. Because he didn’t . He really liked what they had, and the way they treated him, and how he felt when he was with them.

“It doesn’t,” Seokjin answered with a confused tilt of his head. “Your parents have nothing to do with the way we feel about you.”

“And the only reason we wouldn’t ask you to be part of our cluster is if you tell us you don’t want us,” Jungkook added with a mumble and Namjoon blinked to look over his shoulder at Jungkook, but Jungkook didn’t say anything else. He turned to look back at Seokjin, whose expression wasn’t easily readable anymore but Namjoon wanted to know.

“Is that true?” He asked Seokjin before he could doubt himself. His chest felt tight as he looked at the Head Dominant for an answer, and he found it difficult to breathe the longer it took for Seokjin to answer, but he couldn’t look away. Jungkook was still close to him, and he could feel his warm hand on his back, but Seokjin pulled back, taking in a deep breath as he licked his lips, and that was enough to tell Namjoon it wasn’t an immediate yes . His chest plummeted and he felt off-centre as he swayed back into Jungkook.

“Hey, hey,” Seokjin quickly said, and he leaned back toward Namjoon. “The answer is yes ,” he said and Namjoon’s body stiffened. “The answer is yes–but Jungkookie was right. The only reason would be if you weren’t open to being part of our cluster in the same way we do,” he spoke quickly, and Namjoon’s chest was still lurching, his eyes glittering with unshed tears, his emotions all so close to the surface. “But that would mean you being open with us,” he continued. “Which means telling us about yourself, and trusting you–”

“I do trust you,” Namjoon interjected, even though he immediately regretted interrupting his Dominant– the Dominant, not his . Not yet…

“We’re not saying you don’t,” Seokjin’s voice had shifted back to soothing, and Namjoon appreciated that while he was feeling panic, Seokjin’s voice remained steady. “But clearly there’s a lot we don’t know about you, right?” He asked softly and Namjoon hesitated before nodding. “That’s not something to worry about now, though, okay? Now isn’t the time to talk about this,” he looked past Namjoon again, his gaze a lot more sharp as it landed on Jungkook, and Namjoon felt as Jungkook made himself smaller. He felt bad, not liking that Jungkook was being silently reprimanded, but he kept his gaze forward on Seokjin. He reached his hand back, though, so it was resting on Jungkook’s knee, and he hoped that it was comforting in some way.

“Okay,” he murmured, because he knew Seokjin was right.

“How about we order some dinner?” Seokjin shifted the topic. “Have you had a shower–why don’t you go have a shower and change into something comfy? Jungkook and I will order dinner and put something on the TV.”

“I can dry your hair after, hyung!” Jungkook piped up, making Namjoon’s lips twitch. Honestly, a shower sounded absolutely incredible, the Dominant was right. A shower would be really, really good, and then he could get out of the clothes he’d been in all day and into something soft and much more comfortable. And the idea of Jungkook drying his hair, maybe scratching his fingers lightly over his scalp…It sounded heavenly.

“Any requests on what you want for dinner?” Seokjin asked but Namjoon just shook his head. He didn’t want to make any more decisions than necessary right now, and he trusted that Seokjin would get something he would enjoy.

“I don’t care,” he replied and Seokjin nodded.

“Okay–are you okay with Jungkook going into your room? Picking out something for you to wear after?” Seokjin asked gently while Jungkook nodded eagerly. That sounded even more perfect. Namjoon wasn’t sure how Seokjin knew exactly what to say to make it feel like everything that had happened in the past few hours or so wasn’t going to weigh down on him so heavily he had to drag his feet. It might not have been a complete crash of his hormones, but sometimes it would still take him a while to get his thoughts straight again.

Just having a Dominant present and so willing to take on any mental load he had and give him direction, it already had Namjoon feeling better.

He had tried pretty much his whole life not to be jealous of people who were in clusters with others who knew them so well, and who could look after them. Of Submissive’s who had Dominant’s who were there to take their stress away, and of Dominant’s who had Submissive’s or Switches or other Dominant’s in any way they could. It was all symbiotic, and there was a reason why finding a cluster that balanced peoples subgender well was such an important part of life for everyone.

But just the small taste he had, with the Kim cluster…It made Namjoon ache for more.

Jungkook followed Namjoon down the hallway, to where his bathroom door was opposite his bedroom. Namjoon pointed at what drawers held his loose, soft clothes that he changed into in the evenings–or if he was ever just needing comfort–and then he collected his favourite towel from the hallway cupboard and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He took his time in the shower. Usually, he got a bit agitated leaving someone alone in his apartment, in his safe spot, where his nest was. With a couple of his friends he was a bit less agitated, but it was still there, an anxiousness of anything being disturbed or intruded upon. It was usually worse with Dominant’s, and yet…Namjoon felt fine.

In fact, he felt good.

Namjoon spent a while washing his hair, and exfoliating, and using almost every product he had in his shower shelves–which he usually only did if he was going out to scratch an itch. He trusted Seokjin in his apartment–and Jungkook in his room which was especially private, and yet he had no problem with either of them being here while he was showering.

Namjoon came out of the bathroom with his skin pink and steam surrounding him, his towel wrapped around his waist and half expecting Jungkook to still be in his room. But instead, there were clothes laid out on his bed, shirt, sweatpants, underwear and even a pair of fluffy socks. He couldn’t hold back his smile as he looked down at the clothes neatly in front of him, and he didn’t even bother to close his bedroom door before he dropped the towel and got changed. He could hear voices coming from the lounge speaking quietly, although it sounded as though there were more than just two people. Maybe the food was getting dropped off…But when he walked out slowly into his lounge, he was surprised to see Jimin sitting on the couch with Seokjin.

“Hi, hyung,” Jimin piped up with a gentle smile as he got to his feet, lifting his hand and waving it cutely. His hands were so small , it was something that Namjoon had noticed often about him, and they looked adorable peeking out from beneath his long sleeves.

“Hi, Jimin-ah,” Namjoon smiled happily at him, not bothered at all that he was there.

“I was at work and…Hyung mentioned that he and Jungkookie were here and I thought I would stop by…” he looked over his shoulder to Seokjin, as though seeking permission, and Seokjin just nodded in Namjoon’s direction. “Is that okay?”

“It’s okay,” Namjoon replied and Jimin's smile widened before he was rushing forward for a hug that Namjoon gratefully accepted. After getting past their initial awkwardness, Jimin’s penchant for physical touch spread to him. Not as much as it did with the others, obviously, but there were a lot of cuddles, and absolutely a greeting and a goodbye hug, and then there had been the fact that Jimin had kissed him first out of the cluster.

He hadn’t actually thought it would be Jimin, but…It all made perfect sense the way that it had happened.

“Jungkookie said he’s going to dry your hair,” Jimin whispered. “And then I’ll brush it, okay?” Namjoon blinked in surprise, his smile pressing into Jimin’s shoulder as he curled forward to wrap Jimin in close. Part of him wanted to protest–a big part of him, actually–it was almost overwhelming how eager they were to dote on him, and it was taking a bit for him to get used to it. But right now , when his mood felt precarious, it was easier to accept the way they wanted to look after him.

Jungkook came out of the kitchen a moment later, with bowls balanced in one hand and plates in the other, and he all but cheered when he saw that Namjoon had rejoined them.

“I found your hair brush!” He put the plates and bowls down so roughly they clinked together and Seokjin let out a hiss and he moved forward to check that nothing was damaged. Jungkook was completely unbothered, his eyes on a wooden brush he’d left on the couch as he moved forward to snatch it up and turn around. “Sit, sit,” Jungkook waved down at where there was a cushion already on the floor, and Jungkook sat on the couch with his legs spread, a foot on either side of the cushion.

“Dinner is going to be here soon,” Seokjin said with an encouraging wave of his hand toward the cushion and Namjoon didn’t hesitate once prompted by the Dominant, and moved to sit on the floor in front of Jungkook. Jimin quickly moved to sit beside Jungkook on the couch, nudging him in the side.

“You said you were going to dry it– I was going to brush it,” Jimin hissed in a voice that Namjoon probably wasn’t meant to hear but obviously could. It made him smile, his eyes easily beginning to close, feeling completely different from how…Overwhelmed he’d found himself earlier.

“Yeah, well, I still found the brush,” Jungkook snipped back as he picked up the hair dryer where he’d already plugged it in. Namjoon was expecting Jimin to respond again except Seokjin cleared his throat and the pair calmed down. Then the sound of the dryer began and Jungkook ruffled a hand through Namjoon’s hair, and he settled into the touch.

Namjoon couldn’t remember the last time someone had brushed his hair.

The care that he got from the Dominant’s who he hired weren’t really there to brush his hair and fuss over him. Even though a lot of them were good at their jobs, and they knew his needs to have Dominance in their session wasn’t just sex, but their time together was always short. Even though it did help Namjoon enough to keep functioning, they really didn’t know all that much about him, or the things that he craved. And then when he spent time with Soyoon, when she would so easily let her Dominant streak show, she would help him focus on his work, and get chores done around the house when he was procrastinating, and afterwards she would reward him with a shoulder massage. Physical touch wasn’t a big thing for her, and Namjoon also wouldn’t want anything else, other than the times she would put an arm around his waist or kiss him on the cheek–Sooyon was his best friend. His grandmother used to brush his hair as well, and at one point, when he was really young, he remembered his mother running her fingers through it when he couldn’t sleep.

He had never felt like this before, though.

After Jungkook dried his hair and ruffled his fingers through it, he slid down to sit on the floor beside Namjoon, while Jimin took his place, shuffling over and running his small hands over Namjoon’s shoulders before beginning to brush his hair.

Seokjin was putting something on the TV, and at some point he got up–to answer the door and get their food–but Namjoon’s whole body just felt light. As though he was weightless. Jungkook was gently holding one of his hands between both of his, his tattooed fingers on top, tracing patterns against the back of Namjoon’s hand, and he was leaning against his side–a comforting weight. Jimin finished brushing his hair but he kept on touching Namjoon, twisting the strands of his hair through his fingers and scratching Namjoon’s scalp and rubbing at the back of his neck, above the wide neck of the sweatshirt he was wearing. His hands felt heavenly against Namjoon’s skin.

Namjoon wasn’t even aware of the movie that was playing on TV. It was something with beautiful music, but not something Namjoon was familiar with–he’d definitely have to ask Seokjin about it later. But for now Seokjin sat down in front of Namjoon–on the floor, just like Namjoon and Jungkook were, and that didn’t feel right to Namjoon, Seokjin shouldn’t be sitting on the floor –but Seokjin shushed any attempted protestations Namjoon had and held up food.

He fed Namjoon.

He had ordered fried chicken, and ramen with plenty of meat and vegetables, and kimbap, and he fed them all to Namjoon, taking turns to pass food to one of the other boys, which Namjoon approved of wholeheartedly. Jungkook made a lot of pleased noises when he was fed fried chicken, and Jimin wiggled around behind Namjoon with excitement as Seokjin lifted the chopsticks up to him. It was cute, it was all cute, but it felt as though Namjoon was only aware of it in his peripherals. It felt like he was in a warm bubble and everything around him was a little bit distant, floating with him in the clouds. His breathing was heavy and steady and Seokjin’s face only became clear when he leaned in close, smiling gently, but more to himself, as though he was seeing something in Namjoon’s eyes.

The dishes were taken care of, and Namjoon remembers bed being mentioned, and then insisting that they all stay. It wasn’t practical, he would think about that the next day, but all he knew was he wanted them around, and they agreed easily, which made Namjoon shiver. Jimin lead him out of the lounge, his small hand clasping Namjoon’s, and Namjoon really didn’t care where they were going, all he knew was Jimin was there, and he would go anywhere .

Jimin helped him undress–just his sweatshirt and the long sweatpants he was wearing, leaving his shirt and boxers on and then helping him into bed. There were no lights on in his bedroom, but there was in the hallway, and it made it easy for them to move around each other and get into bed. Jimin stayed on top of the blankets and Namjoon began to whine–he would be embarrassed about it later, but he really didn’t care right now–but Jimin shushed him gently and encouraged him to roll over, throwing his arm and leg over Namjoon and spooning him tightly. Namjoon wanted Jimin under the covers with him, and preferably down to the same clothes that he was, but he didn’t have it in him to complain. He didn’t want to complain, he wanted to make Jimin happy.

Going into Subspace could be dangerous, Jimin could have asked him to do anything and he would have–for any of them–without thinking twice. That was why choosing a permanent cluster to join, so much power was given to the other members of the cluster over oneself.

Jungkook came in not too long after, and he laid down in front of Namjoon, kissing him gently on the tip of his nose and making Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut, his heart thudding in his chest. Jungkook hugged both Namjoon and Jimin, stretching out his arm to try and wrap around both of them and Namjoon nestled his head forward–half on the pillow and half on Jungkook’s shoulder.

Seokjin joined–Namjoon wasn’t sure what time, but Seokjin came in, after Namjoon had been asleep for a while. His eyes opened, and he didn’t feel as fuzzy-headed as he did before. The lights were off, except for something further down the hall, maybe even the kitchen with how faintly it shone into the bedroom. But it was enough for Namjoon to be aware of his surroundings, and see where Seokjin was.

He hadn’t joined them on the bed. He’d moved a chair from the lounge into the room and positioned it in the doorway, with a blanket pulled over his lap, and his eyes open, meeting Namjoon’s. Namjoon stared directly at him, and Seokjin looked back at him evenly, tilting his head to the side slowly before mouthing,

“Go back to sleep.”

Namjoon’s eyes closed just a moment later, so easily following direction. He was cosy and warm between Jungkook and Jimin, and it was easy to fall asleep with Seokjin watching over them.

The next morning, Namjoon made up his mind.

Seokjin, Jungkook and Jimin left after breakfast–Jungkook had run down the street to get them sandwiches and coffee–and Namjoon immediately sat down on the couch with his laptop. He had already read through the questionnaires and responses from all six other members of the cluster, but he still took his time as he began to go through them all again.

There were questions about what he liked in the bedroom and outside of it, each of them in depth and searching and Namjoon’s ears were red as he slowly began to fill one in. Noting that he enjoyed both giving and receiving oral, how he preferred shoulder massages to foot massages, what he wanted to happen throughout aftercare, and the questions went on. He preferred to receive throughout anal sex, but he didn’t mind giving –as long as he was making his partner happy, then he was happy.

He paused after answering that question.

Then he amended his answer slightly.

He didn’t mind giving, as long as his partner was happy, and hopefully taking the lead.

Namjoon paused, holding his breath as he stared down at his entry, before he changed it again.

He didn’t mind giving, as long as his partner was happy, and he didn’t have to take control.

That was the completely honest answer, and it was only right that he was completely honest with them…They were his potential future cluster and he had read through the information they had given him, and they had been totally open with him. They deserved it from him as well.

Namjoon saved all of his responses and sent a message to Seokjin, letting him know he was done, and that he was open to talk if they were happy with everything. He hoped they would be–he felt confident thinking they would be–but he couldn’t just stay in his apartment and wait for a reply from Seokjin or whatever came next. He took his headphones and rolled his bike to the elevator, and then set off to try and take his mind off potentially the most life changing day he’d ever had, with music playing loudly in his ears.

They wanted him.

He wanted them.

They all–they all wanted each other.

Namjoon didn’t like to think that he was a pessimist, more just a realist, but he had truly never thought that he was going to find a cluster that he felt comfortable with. His parents weren’t part of a cluster, they chose not to be–and there was a percentage of people who were like that, usually those who were in higher society–and he already suppressed such a big part of him, it was what he had been taught his entire life. It felt like there would never be anyone that he could trust and who accepted him– all of him.

And now here they were.

Namjoon had started seeing the Kim cluster quite often, but after they officially entered the courting phase, he hardly ever went a day without seeing one of them, and when that day did go past, it was because Namjoon chose it, not because they did. They respected it when he said that he needed some space—but most of the time, Namjoon wanted them there. He wanted them around. And before–his apartment was his favourite place to be. It was the safest place–it was where everything he loved had its own space, and where he could be himself–and where his nest was. But now…Now he loved being at their home.

He had never felt so comfortable anywhere else except his apartment, the only place where he felt he didn’t have to hide himself. But now being at their home, it was like that as well.

There weren’t separate rooms for everyone, but there were still quite a few rooms, and it was clear that there was space for all of them to have a spot of their own. And then despite that there were already six of them living in the house, and they were all used to the way things were, they found room for him to have space as well.

Space for a nest.

“You can bring anything you want,” Hoseok told him one evening when he saw Namjoon staring at the corner of the bedroom they had cleared out for him. It was in the same space that Yoongi and Taehyung shared, and they made room for him in the corner with the large window seat. It wasn’t the only one in the home–Namjoon would feel guilty for taking such a prime, beautiful spot for nesting if it was the only one–but in the next room, where Jimin and Hoseok were, there was another, and apparently it was most common for Taehyung to nest in there.

And it wasn’t just that they were making space for him–it was the fact that they wanted him to nest.

They weren’t pushy about it–they barely even mentioned it to him, other than a couple of them making offhanded comments— but it was clear they were more than okay if he did nest. There were a lot of silent things that happened as well–and the clothes and soft blankets that were slowly beginning to pile up on the window seat. Jimin’s soft perfume clung to a sweater and there were a long pair of sweatpants with a narrow waist that belonged to either Seokjin or Jungkook. There were pillows and fuzzy throws, and honestly, it was all the best things for him to make a nest.

Nests weren’t something that all Submissive’s enjoyed or needed nests to feel safe–and it wasn’t just Submissive’s, Switches and Dominant’s also enjoyed nests, he had noted that Jungkook absolutely did–but it was something he had always been deprived of when he was young. Especially younger Submissive’s, or shortly after figuring out their designation, but it absolutely was not something Namjoon’s parents had allowed him to have. They said it was messy and unnecessary, and it wasn’t until Namjoon got his own apartment and had lived there for two years that he began making nests. It felt almost unreal how much better he started feeling after he began nesting. He had never nested anywhere but his apartment before, and he had never been in one around other people–even Soyoon, who he was most vulnerable and trusting with.

Or, at least, she had been.

It was different now.

He trusted Seokjin, and Jungkook, and Taehyung, and Jimin, and Yoongi and Hoseok.

He was definitely more comfortable with some of them over others, only because he was still getting to know them. Hoseok was still quite intimidating, and Jimin and Seokjin could be too. With Taehyung, things always felt calm and warm, his head filled with bubbles when Taehyung would snuggle in next to him and share gentle kisses. With Jungkook it was still warm, but it definitely wasn’t calm–calm wouldn’t be a word that Namjoon would use to describe Jungkook. Maybe Yoongi, Yoongi was always calm and strong and reliable and tender, and he quietly doted on all of his lovers, which now somehow Namjoon was lucky enough to be included in. Jungkook cared for all of them fiercely, and when Namjoon got into an argument with someone at work, the next time Jungkook saw them, he glared at them, looking as intimidating as a bunny rabbit. It had made Namjoon snort and shake his head, but it was still sweet to know that Jungkook got so upset on his behalf.

All of them were so sweet.

It wasn’t just the nest situation that they didn’t pressure him about either. It was everything . They let him take his time with everything , even when it was clear that they wanted more. And Namjoon really liked that, the fact that he could tell how much they wanted him, romantically, sexually, in a Scene–and yet he never felt pressured at all. They were taking things slowly and honestly, sometimes the fact that it was steady and unwavering was overwhelming enough. He didn’t understand what they saw in him, and at times he wondered if they would end up seeing right through him and realizing that they didn’t actually want him.

But that didn’t happen.

It had been months since they started hanging out with each other, and just over a month since Namjoon had agreed to accept their courtship. And every time Namjoon wanted them, they were there, almost instantly. They wanted to be there for him–and that was something that he had always feared he would never properly find in a partner—in a cluster— because they would never know the real him.

But they did.

Namjoon didn’t even know how to pay them back for the kindness they had shown him, but it seemed as though they appreciated what he did, even if he didn’t give it a second thought. He helped Hoseok and Jimin with some music for an upcoming recital they had–and that was just easy, music was his second language. He went to the gym with Jungkook, who was usually alone otherwise, and that was something he had been intending to get better at–going to the gym–so it just worked really well that they could motivate each other.

He talked with music a lot with Yoongi as well, and they both read a lot–although the things they were interested in were very different, but they shared what they read and they could talk for hours . Taehyung loved art and it had been so long since Namjoon had someone to go to museums and exhibitions with who actually enjoyed going, and apparently Jimin or Hoseok sometimes went with Taehyung but it was more of a favor as opposed to having fun. Taehyung linked his arm with Namjoon’s and skipped along, saying that they were destined to find each other. And then there was Seokjin…

Seokjin had such an… Intense personality. He could be joking and teasing one moment, especially with Jungkook, he and Jungkook acted like children when they were shoving at each other playfully and wrestling one another. And then the other moment, he was calm and collected and had the whole cluster under control with a single glance, his dominance radiating through the room like something physical .

Namjoon could live a thousand lives and he didn’t think he would be able to figure Seokjin out but he absolutely wanted to spend those thousand lives trying to.

He wanted to spend every lifetime he had with Seokjin and his cluster.

Despite them making the effort, there were still a lot of differences between how he was treated and how the rest of the cluster was treated. Obviously . He was being courted, he wasn’t actually part of their cluster, and there were a lot of things that they hadn’t done together, but they’d had long, long discussions about everything. There was still a lot more to talk about, and then talk was only part of it–putting everything into action was a whole other thing, and that would be trial and error. They were going slow, but Namjoon wasn’t naive enough to think that everything would be perfect once they started playing together properly. There would be problems but Namjoon trusted that they would be able to figure it out.

It was a late Sunday afternoon that Namjoon actually felt as though he was truly accepted. They had offered him a place to call his own and even a place to nest, but it wasn’t until that Sunday afternoon that he really felt as though he was just a few steps away from really being a part of their cluster.

He wasn’t sure what had happened–at least not at the time, it was later that he found out more of the details–all he knew was that Taehyung and Jungkook practically ran into the half of the room that he was making his own, red faced and teary eyed and threw themselves at him. At the time, Namjoon was confused as to why they were coming in here, usually Jimin or Hoseok were the ones they tended to gravitate toward when they were wanting to comfort. Later, he found out it was because it was Jimin that they had gotten into a squabble with, one that had ended up with all three of them being punished by Seokjin and Hoseok, and so Yoongi was comforting Jimin while Taehyung and Jungkook had come to Namjoon.

“Are you okay?!” Namjoon felt panicked as Taehyung practically crawled onto his lap where Namjoon was sitting at his window seat. He hadn’t quite made a nest yet, but there was a blanket that was worn so soft that had been left on his bed by Jimin, and one of Seokjin’s sweatshirts that smelt like his perfume, and a couple of plushies that Jungkook had spared from his collection. He felt guilty that he didn’t have a constructed nest as a safe space for Jungkook and Taehyung to curl up in, but it seemed to be good enough for the two boys as they joined Namjoon.

“We got in trouble,” Taehyung mumbled as he buried his face in Namjoon’s neck and Namjoon’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion, because it really wasn’t often that people got in trouble in this house. There were small corrections that happened, and Taehyung also clearly liked bratting and being put in his place, but it wasn’t something that he got in trouble for, it was obviously more funishments than punishments.

This time the pair of them had actually been punished–Jimin too–and Namjoon really didn’t know what to say as he stroked his fingers through Taehyung’s hair and tried to wrap an arm around Jungkook even at their awkward angle. They were both sniffling, and it seemed as though they had been crying before they had come up to join him-either from the fight or the punishment or purely for disappointing their hyungs–and Namjoon’s heart hurt for them.

In the end, he managed to manouver their bodies so that they were all sprawled–rather squished but surprisingly not uncomfortable–practically piled on top of each other so that they all fit on the window seat, and at some point, they fell asleep. Namjoon woke up with a crick in his neck and a bit of a headache because of the way his head was tilted and Taehyung was resting against him. He managed to untangle his arm from underneath Jungkook’s head, and then scooch his body out from Taehyung’s, resting him against Jungkook’s chest and stood up with a groan under his breath.

He didn’t realize that Hoseok had been watching them.

“Oh,” he blushed, rubbing the back of his neck where the ache was, looking back at where the two youngest members of the cluster were wrapped together, and then at Hoseok again. But Hoseok wasn’t looking at his two lovers, he was looking at Namjoon…Who was also his lover. His boyfriend.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that.

“Is this…Okay?” Namjoon had already felt a bit nervous when the two had come to find him in the room, which would have been a few hours ago now, given it was getting dark outside now. “I didn’t know…” He didn’t think that Taehyung and Jungkook would have come to him if they were supposed to sit by themselves, or do anything else that could get any of them in trouble. He personally didn’t have any rules that they had agreed on for him to stick to yet–he didn’t know everything the others had, but he knew there were rules for everyone, not just the Submissives. Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin all had ones about their medication, Seokjin had one about spending time at his restaurants–which didn’t seem to be such a focus right now as he was helping organise the opening of a new one.

“Come here,” Hoseok said in a hushed voice and a gentle expression, and Namjoon nodded quickly, not wanting to wake Jungkook and Taehyung. Namjoon followed Hoseok out of the room, and the Dominant half-closed the door behind them before turning to Namjoon. “What do you mean ‘is this okay’?” Hoseok asked with a tilt of his head, and even though it wasn’t as quiet as before, his voice was still low and kind.

“I just–want to make sure it’s okay that I’m–that I’m here when they’re…” Namjoon drifted off and shrugged, feeling a bit clueless as to how to put his feelings properly into a question. “I don’t know, I don’t really know how everything works , you know?” He winced, hoping that didn’t come off as disrespectful at all, but when he chanced a look up at Hoseok, he didn’t look upset at all .

“That’s okay, Joonie,” Hoseok replied. “We were all in your position once–learning how to exist with one another,” he had a sympathetic face as he smiled. “Although, you have to adjust to all six of us at once, so that’s something else.” Namjoon smiled back at him, his dimple showing on his right cheek, and Hoseok’s smile widened, leaning in to brush his thumb against the dimple. “Cute,” he whispered and Namjoon blushed. “If you have any questions, you ask. And we’re never going to get mad at you over something you did because you didn’t know. That’s not–I mean that’s not fair , that’s not how any healthy relationship operates.” Namjoon agreed with that, but that definitely wasn’t how he was raised. He had been expected to know everything and anything.

But this was different. Entirely different.

“And we want you here–I can’t really think of anything we don’t want to–to share with you,” Hoseok told him with a smile, before he was reaching up to kiss Namjoon. Hoseok was smaller than Namjoon, but it was strong as it pressed against Namjoon, curving into his body that had Namjoon naturally dropping his hand to the small of Hoseok’s back as he encouraged him closer. Hoseok nudged their noses together as he tilted his head to the side to deepen their kiss and Namjoon’s toes curled in his slippers.

The kisses were something that were more frequent, especially with Seokjin, Taehyung and Jungkook, and Namjoon loved it.

He felt like he could walk on water with how light they made him feel.

“They came to you because you give them comfort,” Hoseok murmured as he lowered himself back down so his feet were flat on the ground. “And that’s what I want for all of my babies…Including you.”

Including him .

Notes:

the final chapter won't be far away !
i hope you enjoyed the update - please let me know what you think !
and i hope you are keeping safe , wherever you are around the globe x
if you'd like to follow me on my socials, you can do that if you'd like to find me on twitter, you can do that here
or if you'd like to find me on bluesky, you can do that here
xx

Chapter 3 Notes:

the final chapter ! i had so much fun writing this fic and your comments have all been so supportive and appreciated. i hope you all enjoy the last chapter , especially my lovely commissioner !

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Technically, Namjoon wasn’t part of their cluster. Not officially .

But they all treated him like he was.

They had long, awkward conversations, as a cluster as a whole, with just him and their Head Dom, with the rest of them one-on-one or with a few of them. A lot of conversations that had left Namjoon feeling flustered a few times, and even hard other times. Only once did he leave feeling worse than when he had arrived, and that hadn’t been any of their faults. They wanted to know about his family, and it was a conversation that he’d known would be awful going into it. They wanted to know why he hadn’t considered joining another cluster before. They already had an idea of what had happened, at least some of them, but they wanted to hear it from him, as much as he was willing to share.

And with them, Namjoon was happy to share a lot.

The first time he went further than kissing with someone, it was Jungkook and Seokjin.

The first time he had sex, it was with Yoongi, although Seokjin had been closeby with Taehyung on his lap as they watche on closely.

And then, once he’d had sex with each of them individually, several times, there was a night when it seemed to all just–come together perfectly for all of them to migrate toward Seokjin’s room at the end of the evening. Usually someone was tired, or had work they needed to finish, or were out with friends–but not that night.

It was overwhelming and incredible.

He was so lucky–he’d never thought he could be this lucky, and how good they were making him feel, with how well they were helping him to balance out his Submissive side—and that was showing in everything he was doing. The lyrics he was writing and the music he was producing had absolutely been influenced by them–by how they made him feel–and that was obvious to everyone around him.

“Shit, this is good,” Jackson let out a low whistle from between his teeth. “This is good .” He elbowed Namjoon playfully in the side and Namjoon groaned as though in annoyance but he was grinning–he couldn’t help himself. He knew this was some of his best–it had been a long time since he had produced something he was this happy with. “Shit, Joon-ah, this is good shit .”

“I know,” Namjoon shrugged while grinning and Jackson laughed, leaning in close to him and throwing an arm around him and giving him a squeeze. Namjoon kept smiling as the song finished, and then laughed along with Jackson as his friend leaned forward and hit the keyboard, repeating the song. It was only the first recording, he had sent it to Yeonjun to record the guide and he’d done an incredible job, as always. Namjoon was absorbed in listening and thinking about the few things that he would like to change, when there was a sharp knock on the door. “Oh!” Namjoon turned quickly and saw Jimin and Hoseok standing there, neither of them looking particularly happy.

“Hi, hyung,” Jimin’s words were snipped and his expression was pinched and Namjoon tilted his head in confusion, wondering what had happened. Hoseok didn’t look quite as upset, but he wasn’t smiling, and that had always been his default expression and so this felt strange. “We were going out for dinner and wondered if you wanted to come.” Namjoon had already agreed to have dinner with them that night and he tilted his head to the side in confusion, wondering why Jimin was phrasing it the way he was.

“Yes?” He responded in confusion, his eyebrows squinting together. “I’m just finishing up here, and then I was going to shut everything up.”

“We’ll wait for you outside,” Hoseok’s voice came out smoother than Jimin’s, dipping his head in a polite nod at himself and Jackson before his arm was tightening around Jimin’s waist and guiding him out of the studio, closing the door behind them. Namjoon stared at the closed door in confusion before finally settling back into his seat, not really noticing that Jackson had moved away from Namjoon, his arm dropping down to rest in his arm instead with an amused look.

“They’re not happy,” Jackson noted and Namjoon turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “They’re jealous,” Jackson said bluntly, reaching up to where he was wearing a thick jacket, and how it was high on his neck, obscuring his collar. And it would have been even more difficult to see it from where he was seated and where Jimin and Hoseok were standing in the doorway.

Jealous.

They were jealous of him.

That didn’t even make sense.

They had everything that Namjoon wanted–had always wanted, had craved –and it didn’t even make sense that they were jealous of him.

But after Jackson left quickly, probably passing both of them by in the hallway outside, Namjoon quickly tidied up–although nowhere near as well as he should–and rushed out, he realized that his friend was right. At least, he was pretty sure he was.

Hoseok smiled at him as he stepped out, and Jimin’s face didn’t look quite as pinched as it had been before but he still didn’t seem happy . Namjoon didn’t like that, but Hoseok distracted him as he leaned in for a kiss that lasted a bit longer than their public kisses usually did. Namjoon’s cheeks were flushed, but he didn’t pull away, only parting when Hoseok wrapped a hand around his neck and gave it a brief, possessive squeeze before dropping his arm back to his side. When Namjoon glanced over at Jimin, the smaller man stepped up, kissing him quickly and silently before turning to lead the way toward the elevator. Namjoon glanced across at Hoseok, who just smiled at him reassuringly before slipping his arm into Namjoon’s.

“He’s just a little stressed,” Hoseok said quietly and Namjoon nodded, but he looked to where Jimin had already reached the elevator and was impatiently jabbing at one of the buttons before crossing his arms over his chest.

Jimin seemed more than stressed, he seemed almost angry, and Namjoon hadn’t seen that way since right at the beginning of their relationship, and he hoped he hadn’t done something that would set them back to where they started.

On the other hand, if Jackson was right …Jealousy was definitely a sign of possessiveness, and he didn’t mind Jimin feeling like that over him. He just hoped he figured out if that’s what it really was sooner rather than later.

Thankfully, once they all stepped into the elevator, Jimin tentatively bumped the back of his hand against Namjoon’s a few times, before one of his small fingers was curling around one of Namjoon’s, and Namjoon felt his chest loosen in relief. He turned his hand around eagerly, grabbing at Jimin’s, and Jimin didn’t look up at Namjoon, but Namjoon could still see the small smile on his face.

Namjoon had known that they were going out to dinner rather than just going back to their place, which was why he’d worn his nice pair of jeans to work that day, and a nice shirt with a jacket. Honestly, he would have been just as happy going back to their place–it was the only place other than his apartment that he felt completely secure –but really, he was happy to go anywhere as long as they were there. Jimin drove them there, Hoseok in the front passenger seat although he spent most of his time twisted around so he could talk to Namjoon in the back. Namjoon loved the attention, the way Hoseok asked about every part of his day and made it obvious he was listening closely, and Jimin piped up occasionally, which relaxed Namjoon more.

Jimin himself had stated how protective he got over his cluster, and maybe…Maybe this was him including Namjoon in his cluster.

Namjoon knew that Seokjin owned several restaurants around the town, and even though he wasn’t actively at each of them through the day, he still oversaw them closely, and they were his pride and joy. Namjoon had gone a few times with Seokjin, often alone but sometimes with a few of the others, but the one that Jimin pulled up behind wasn’t one that he was familiar with.

“This is Echo ,” Hoseok told him with a smile and Namjoon’s eyebrows rose, because this was the newest restaurant of Seokjin’s, and he’d heard a lot about it.

“Oh–is this okay?” Namjoon winced as he looked down at his clothes, because even though he had worn a nice- ish outfit to work, he had still spent all day in it, and even though Hoseok and Jimin weren’t dressed up fancy , they were both…Just flawlessly beautiful. Namjoon kind of felt like a towering mess next to them.

“Of course!” Hoseok chirped.

“You look good, hyung!” Jimin reassured him at the same time, before they were both moving to stand on either side of him, linking their arms together with his, and leading him toward a door to the side of the building, rather than taking him around the front.

Something felt odd, Jimin’s arm clutching at his a little tighter than usual, and Hoseok glancing around as though he was expecting someone to jump out at them. Namjoon wondered if it had something to do with their tense moods back at his work, and then panic began to churn in his stomach, wondering if something bad was going to happen.

Maybe they were about to break up with him.

Maybe they were going to tell him that he just wasn’t a proper fit for their cluster.

Maybe they were taking him out in a public place to try and limit any reaction from him.

Maybe they had wanted to do this for a while…

Namjoon couldn’t help the way he began to walk slower, his legs suddenly feeling a lot heavier, his eyes darting around and trying to get a clue from Hoseok and Jimin’s expressions, or from the kitchen staff that they passed by, but his head was spinning so fast he couldn’t process anything.

“Namjoon-ah?” It took a moment for Namjoon to realize that Hoseok was speaking to him, and that all three of them had stopped, just off to the side in the kitchen, before a large pair of swing doors that likely led out to the restaurant. “Namjoon-ah, are you okay?” It wasn’t just his stomach that felt sick and his legs that felt heavy, it was his entire body that felt as though it was becoming numb, no longer able to feel the warmth from where Jimin and Hoseok were both touching him.

It had been a while since he had gone through Subdrop. So long that Namjoon seemed to have forgotten the way it began, and missed the signs of it coming on.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Jimin asked, standing directly in front of Namjoon, reaching up to cup Namjoon’s face in his small hands. Contact, that was something that he had quietly told all of them helped with Subdrop if they occurred, gentle contact–and that was exactly what Jimin was giving him. “Are you–”

“He’s Dropping,” Hoseok’s voice sounded distressed, which had Namjoon’s heart beating faster.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He blurted out, his words coming out shakily.

“What?!” Jimin was so close that his voice was shrill in Namjoon’s ear and he tried to jerk his head away, but Jimin only loosened his hold marginally. “What– no –” Jimin sounded as though he was about to start panicking, which had Namjoon’s heart racing even faster, because he didn’t want to upset Jimin.

“Calm down,” Hoseok’s voice suddenly came through to both of them, strong and certain and radiating a Dominant tone that was easy to listen to. Jimin’s hands went slack on Namjoon’s cheeks, and Namjoon’s breathing paused as they both looked toward Hoseok. Hoseok glanced over his shoulders, toward where the kitchen and wait staff were beginning to look in their direction, and there was a young woman with blonde hair that was watching them wide eyed, who had maybe caught some of the Dominance in Hoseok’s tone.

It wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to, but it would definitely be difficult to ignore and keep doing her job.

“Come on, through here,” Hoseok told Jimin and Namjoon quietly, pointing to a door on the right that Namjoon hadn’t noticed before, and when Jimin opened it, he realized it was an office. Probably Seokjin’s office, although he wasn’t paying that much attention to his surroundings, his eyes swinging back to Hoseok, who was closing the space between them. “We’re not breaking up with you–that’s the last thing we want to do.”

“Really?” Namjoon’s voice came out in a squeak that he would usually be embarrassed about but right now didn’t pay any attention to. All he felt was relief.

“Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok’s voice was soft as he held both of Namjoon’s hands, grounding him with touch, rubbing his thumb against the back of his hand. “You need to stop thinking the worst thing is going to happen,” he gave him a gentle smile, but there was some chiding there, and as Namjoon’s breath slowed down and his shoulders began to lose their tension, he knew Hoseok was right. He was so used to things not going his way that he had accepted it, and the idea of losing them now that he had met them–the very thought was devastating.

“Okay,” he managed to say on an exhale and Hoseok nodded with a small smile.

“Deep breaths, puppy,” Hoseok whispered as he moved in closer, their chests bumping together as Hoseok reached up to rest a hand against the back of his neck. “We’re not breaking up with you, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok’s voice was gentle but firm as he squeezed the back of Namjoon’s neck, bringing him down so that their foreheads could press together. “If there is ever any bad news, we would never discuss it with you in public, that’s–that’s horrible.” Namjoon could think of some people who would think it was tactical, not horrible, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to think about his parents right now, though, not when the worst thing wasn’t happening to him.

He really needed to work on regulating his nervous system into not thinking that every new situation was going to be the worst thing that happened to him.

“Deep breaths,” Hoseok repeated his earlier words, still touching Namjoon, and Jimin was holding onto the hand that the Dominant had released. Namjoon closed his eyes briefly, letting their comfort wash over him.

They were doing everything he needed–they had taken him somewhere quiet, and they were touching him carefully, and they were reassuring him gently…They were doing everything he needed from them, he just had to follow their lead and let himself calm down.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but when there was a tentative knock on the door, Namjoon didn’t jolt or even bother opening his eyes. Hoseok had matched his breathing to Namjoon’s and their foreheads were still pressed together, making no motion to rush him, which Namjoon appreciated. Honestly, he was beginning to feel like an idiot–the amount of times that he had fallen headfirst into a Drop since he knew them felt like it was ridiculous, and he was just starting to scold himself when another voice softly joined the three of them.

“Is everything alright?” It was Yoongi, speaking in his low voice that didn’t shake Namjoon out of his thoughts but just gently nudged him back into awareness that they were at a restaurant, blinking as he looked up.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” Jimin sounded a little uncertain as he looked up at Hoseok and Namjoon, but when Hoseok looked at him too, he just nodded. “We’re okay!” Jimin repeated more loudly and the doorknob turned slowly, giving them lots of time to let him know if they didn’t want him to come in. Namjoon liked that–about all of them. Despite how close they were, they respected one anothers boundaries. It didn’t mean they didn’t barge into one another's rooms when the door was wide open–especially Jungkook and Taehyung–but if a door was closed, they waited for some acknowledgment before they entered.

It was just another one of those things that made Namjoon feel like this cluster was something special, something that he desperately wanted to be a part of.

“I can tell the others you need a couple more minutes,s” Yoongi said quietly as he saw the three of them huddled together, and he stepped into the room but didn’t come any further, even though he looked as though he wanted to. “Jungkookie was just getting anxious so I–”

“Oh, no, no,” Namjoon straightened up and drew in a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering feelings that still hung around him. He had gotten himself worked up over nothing, and they were here meant to be having a nice dinner, and now Jungkook was upset and he was distracting them– “Sorry,” he muttered as he rubbed a hand over his face.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Yoongi frowned at him, pink mouth pursing together in a pout that made Namjoon’s heart skip a beat. “We just wanted to make sure you’re okay–I’ll let them know you’ll be here soon.” He left before Namjoon could respond and Jimin squeezed his hand, reaching up to kiss his cheek before he was following after Yoongi, leaving Hoseok alone with Namjoon.

“We can take another minute,” Hoseok began.

“No, I’m okay,” Namjoon quickly replied, trying to step past Hoseok in the direction of the door, however Hoseok’s fingers tightened around his wrist.

“Namjoon-ah,” his voice was sharper this time and Namjoon instinctively stilled and looked at him. Hoseok’s smile was so kind, and his eyes were warm. “Just take a few more breaths for me, okay? It’s going to be busy out there and it might be a bit overwhelming, so I just want to know that you’re okay.” Namjoon couldn’t help his small smile and nod, letting Hoseok hold both of his hands, before after a couple of minutes, they finally left the office.

It turned out they weren’t breaking up with him, exactly as Hoseok and Jimin had said.

But what they hadn’t said was how it was actually the complete opposite.

It took Namjoon a moment to realize that all the Submissive’s around the table were wearing collars–including Jimin, he just hadn’t even registered the velvet wrapped around his neck that complemented his outfit so well. Jungkook got up as soon as Namjoon joined them at the table, but he didn’t fuss over Namjoon as much as he usually did, stealing kisses needily and then doing the same from the rest of his hyungs. Despite the fact that he was clearly still filled with that urge and lots of energy, from the way he was wriggling around next to Yoongi, he was trying to hold himself in, only giving Namjoon a quick hug and kiss.

All of them were acting a little differently, even Seokjin, who always managed to have a calm facade. There was just something off about them as they placed orders with wait staff that seemed to be just for them, despite the fact that the restaurant was full. They were in a separate section further back, somewhere a bit more private, but Namjoon was still aware of how busy it was.

He was about to ask what was going on when Seokjin cleared his throat and everyone around the table visibly tensed, sitting up straighter.

“We wanted to talk to you about something,” Seokjin began and Namjoon wanted to look around the table, to see what everyone else's expressions, but he couldn’t bring himself to tear away from Seokjin’s face. He didn’t think he had ever seen Seokjin look nervous–it wasn’t incredibly obvious, definitely not to someone who didn’t know him, but Namjoon could see it. In the way he kept licking his lips and how he hadn’t stopped fidgeting with his utensils before folding his hands on his lap to try and keep them under control.

“What’s going on?” Namjoon asked quietly.

“We were going to wait until after eating,” Seokjin let out a laugh under his breath, looking across to where Jungkook and Taehyung were sitting together, close to Yoongi. “But I don’t think the whole table will be able to get through dinner without blurting something out.” Hoseok made an amused sound from beside Seokjin, but Namjoon continued to stare at Seokjin intently. “We wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Namjoon asked so quickly he almost interrupted Seokjin, but the Dominant didn’t look upset, smiling at Namjoon’s eagerness before reaching for something that must have been on his lap under the table.

“We wanted to give you this–from all of us,” Seokjin said as he put a thin, long box on the table and Namjoon’s eyes widened.

It looked like–

He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, and his hand was shaking as he reached out for the velvet box, which was cream with gold designs embossed along it, and–

It looked expensive.

And when he opened it, Namjoon let out a shaky breath as he saw what was inside, cushioned on tissue paper.

A collar.

A collar for him .

“You…” Namjoon’s words felt as though they were stuck in his throat, and once he managed to drag his eyes away from the precious gift in front of him, his eyes snapped up to Hoseok, and then Jimin, and then Taehyung and Jungkook and Yoongi and all of them were staring at him. Jungkook and Taehyung looked as though they were doing everything they could not to vibrate out of their skin, while Jimin was obviously trying to put on a calmer front. He was given away by how wide his eyes were, though, and the way he was biting on his lip. Hoseok and Yoongi were the most contained, but similar to Seokjin, they had their tells.

Seokjin said that the collar was from all of them.

They were nervous–they were all looking at him nervously. Because they wanted him.

They wanted to collar him.

“We, uh–” Seokjin swallowed hard, tugging at his collar with one finger and letting out an awkward laugh. “ Aish , no matter how many times I practice, it’s never easier. It’s scary, you know?” There were hums of agreement from the table, and Namjoon’s eyes darted to them briefly before they were looking back down at the collar. His collar, if he said yes. Maybe it would have been polite if he looked up at Seokjin as he spoke, but the collar…It was beautiful. It was a public collar, not one that would be so much for play–it was silver and studded with small diamonds that glittered under the light from above them. This was something that they would want him to wear in public, for everyone to see– claiming him publicly. “We wanted to ask if you would wear our collar.”

Namjoon had never thought this would happen–not just with them, but with anyone . He didn’t think that there would be someone who would gift him something so beautiful and expensive and want him to wear it so everyone could see that he belonged.

“I…” Namjoon swallowed hard, and the tears he could feel gathering in his eyes also felt as though they were clogging up his throat and making it difficult for him to breathe. “Yes,” he managed to breathe out and Seokjin’s face lit up as his head jerked upward.

“ Yes ?!” Jungkook almost squealed and Namjoon looked over at him, a breathless smile on his face, before his eyes were skimming over the rest of the cluster. They were smiling– all of them–leaning forward, closer to him over the table, and then Namjoon looked back down at the collar. He reached for it, his fingers touching the sides of the box, looking at the beautiful collar, before he looked back up at Seokjin, his vision was blurry from tears.

“Could you…” his voice sounded thick, and he knew at some point this evening, he was going to start crying. “Could you put this on me?” He asked quietly with a sniff and Seokjin nodded rapidly, getting to his feet and circling around the booth to where Namjoon was sitting.

“Lean forward, Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin’s voice was gentle behind him and Namjoon obeyed, leaning forward as Seokjin carefully picked up the collar and circled it around Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon shivered as he felt the material press against his throat and he swallowed hard as he dipped his head down to make it easier for Seokjin to secure it at the base of his neck. Then Seokjin leaned in and pressed a close-mouthed kiss beside the latch of the collar and Namjoon shivered again, the tears flooding back to his eyes.

“I…” Namjoon wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, but there was something, he wanted to say something to all of them. “Thank you,” he managed to say and there was a chorus of sounds around the table, a loud awww from Hoseok and excited clapping from Taehyung and Jungkook–Namjoon rubbed quickly at his face before arms were being thrown around him and kisses were being showered over his forehead and cheeks and a couple catching his mouth.

“You’re ours now,” Jimin whispered in his ear before he was nuzzling his nose against Namjoon’s cheek, and Namjoon turned to give him a firm kiss. Jimin eagerly cupped his small hand under Namjoon’s jaw, kissing him back before turning his head to the side, directing Namjoon toward Yoongi.

“I can’t wait to get you home,” Hoseok whispered in his ear from the other side, and their display definitely wasn’t appropriate, but for once Namjoon really didn’t care what was appropriate, because he had just been collared .

“Thank you,” he managed to say again, and some of the tears had fallen down his cheeks and Taehyung passed him a napkin to dry his face which he appreciated.

“You don’t have to thank us,” Jungkook sounded almost affronted.

“ We’re the lucky ones,” Taehyung added, and he had managed to get the spot beside Namjoon, snuggling in close against his side. He leaned in close so that he could whisper directly to Namjoon’s ear. “I thought I didn’t want there to be another Submissive in our cluster, but that was before I met you.” Namjoon’s lips twitched in amusement– all of them were possessive to some degree, it didn’t surprise him that Taehyung was incredibly happy in his spot as the only Submissive. But he had only ever been welcoming when it came to Namjoon…

Maybe this really was where he belonged.

The rest of dinner passed in a bit of a blur. Namjoon was sure that the food was incredible, dinner and dessert, but he honestly didn’t remember the taste of anything . There were feet nudging his under the table and heated looks being exchanged over their food, and Namjoon couldn’t stop shifting where he was sitting.

He was so hyper-aware of the collar around his neck. He kept reaching up to touch it, and then blushing and dropping his hand away again, hoping that no one had caught what he was doing. But they had, at one point or another, they had all seen the way he was touching his collar, the proud, dizzy expression on his face–and all of them were smiling. They looked proud, proud that they had made him happy. Proud that he had agreed. Proud that he was theirs –at least he hoped that was what they were all thinking.

Because Namjoon was proud to be theirs.

He didn’t think he would ever be as proud of something as being a part of their cluster.

“Come in the car with us,” Jungkook whispered as they left the restaurant–through the kitchen and the back door again, like they had come in–and Jungkook was holding his hand tightly.

“Okay,” Namjoon agreed, because he really didn’t care where he went. He was theirs–he was their Submissive . He felt as though he was walking through the clouds, and the only reason he knew which direction to float in was because Jungkook was holding his hand. It was Jungkook and Taehyung who sat in the back seat of Seokjin’s car with Namjoon, on either side of them. One of them could have sat in the front with Seokjin, given Yoongi and Jimin went with Hoseok, but Seokjin didn’t even tease the two youngest as they settled in beside Namjoon, both of them pressing up against him.

“Your collar looks so good on you,” Jungkook said, awe in his voice and his eyes locked on Namjoon’s throat. His collar. Namjoon couldn’t help but lift his hand to touch the collar, running the pads of his fingers over the smooth, cool material of the collar itself, and then over the bumps of the diamonds that were embedded into the material. He had gone to the bathroom partway through dinner, and had then spent over four minutes alone in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection–mainly just staring at the collar.

It did look good, he knew that.

They had chosen a pale colour that offset the golden tone of his skin, and the diamonds –they were real diamonds, Jimin had said so over dinner– they had brought him diamonds . And not just any diamonds, but ones to wear around his neck–to represent what he meant to everyone.

“We brought you two others,” Taehyung added, whispering conspiratorially, and Namjoon noticed as Seokjin’s eyes snapped to the rearview mirror to look at them. Maybe the other Submissive wasn’t meant to tell him yet, but Seokjin seemed to let it go, shaking his head and looking forward again. “They’ll look really good on you too.”

Taehyung was right–they both did look good on him. One was similar to the public collar they had gifted him at the restaurant, something that was a bit more delicate with small chains and beading, and the other was more simple and sturdy.

Something to wear during sex.

And that was the collar that Hoseok put on when all of them gathered in Seokjin’s room, and Jimin decided to practically climb Namjoon and latch their mouths together, one of his hands tightly wound through Namjoon’s hair. There was a hand that rested at the base of his neck, and fingers that touched his collar, tightening it slightly in a way that pressed against his windpipe and made his cock ache.

Taehyung was a pillow prince, and when Jimin stopped kissing Namjoon so fiercely it stole his breath away, and as Hoseok’s fingers loosened on his collar, Namjoon couldn’t help but stare. Jungkook was undressing Taehyung quickly, throwing clothes over his shoulder onto the floor and Taehyung was attempting to take off Jungkook’s shirt, but one of Jungkook’s hands pinned against his shoulder, pushing him down against the bed. Taehyung didn’t mind being manhandled, and Namjoon could relate to that, especially when it came to Jungkook. He was like an overeager puppy, pawing at them and shifting them into the position he wanted them in.

Jungkook wasn’t the only one there that resembled a puppy, though.

Hoseok and Yoongi had both taken to calling Namjoon puppy when they were in the middle of things , talking about how sweet and desperate he got to make them happy.

Namjoon loved it.

“Hey, sweetheart,” it was Seokjin behind him, touching the side of his face and turning him around to look at him. Namjoon blinked slowly, everything feeling a bit syrupy as he felt his Submissive headspace begin to take over. It was easy when he was surrounded by people who touched him firmly but gently, and when there were kisses being pressed to the nape of his neck– where his collar was . “Are you okay with all of this?” Seokjin whispered against his lips as he nudged his nose against Namjoon’s, his hands on either side of Namjoon’s face, creating a small, private moment for them amidst the messiness that surrounded them.

“Yes,” Namjoon exhaled shakily. Someone was running their fingers through his hair–Namjoon wasn’t sure who, but their nails were scratching against his scalp, which felt amazing –and Seokjin’s plush mouth was right in front of his. Namjoon’s eyes were half closed, but he could see the pink of Seokijn’s lower lip that bumped gently against his in another kiss. “This is good–it’s perfect.”

“You know what to say if it gets to be too much,” Seokjin reminded him gently, which was something they all did, whenever they played together. Namjoon had never needed to use the safe word, there was once when he’d needed to say Yellow because everything had been a bit too overwhelming. He’d been sinking into Subspace so quickly it felt like he couldn’t feel his limbs, but Yoongi and Taehyung had both been so calm and had eased him out of it, and they’d all cuddled together afterwards for a long time.

It was easier now, given how much time Namjoon had been spending with them–his Submissive side was adjusting to being looked after. He was getting used to it–to the treatment that he had deserved his whole life but had managed to get by without because of everything his parents had put in his head.

The way that they would hold him like he was something to be treasured and cared for, there had definitely needed to be an adjustment period, but now…Namjoon’s heart thudded in his chest as he lowered himself to his knees in front of Taehyung’s spread thighs under the guidance of Seokjin and Hoseok. There wasn’t a thought in his head other than just to follow any orders given, and the praises that were coming from Jimin, who was crouched beside him just added to how loose-limbed he was feeling. Jungkook was sitting behind Taehyung now, his chest pressed against Taehyung’s back, and his hand wrapped around Taehyung’s cock, directly in front of Namjoon’s face.

“You know how much Taehyungie likes a pretty mouth around his cock,” Hoseok encouraged Namjoon in a low voice, his fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, making Namjoon cross-eyed at the pressure. He’d participated in having sex with all six of them at once before, but it was clear that they were being careful with him and holding back–they definitely didn’t delve as deep into their dynamic as they did when Namjoon wasn’t there. He understood why , because they didn’t know him as well as they knew each other, and they were learning about one another and testing boundaries and having conversations. He was glad that they were being so careful with him, although at the same time, he desperately wanted them to let go and fully be themselves.

But this time…Taehyung’s body was loose and his eyes were rolled back as he slumped against Jungkook, who was whispering in his ear, his nose bumping against Taehyung’s cheek. Taehyung’s hips kicked forward as Namjoon’s head was guided down, taking him all the way to the back of his throat and holding him there. His eyes watered, and while the Dominant’s had been incredibly gentle with him, Hoseok’s fingers were now firmly in his hair and Seokjin’s hand was wrapped around the back of his neck, and it was clear that they wanted him to stay .

And that was all Namjoon wanted, to do what they wanted, to feel himself be guided and pushed in whatever direction they wanted, to feel their happiness as he obeyed them–that was all a Submissive really wanted. To be happy and to make their Dominant’s happy. He had wanted this for so long–to be cared for, and to have a cluster that wanted him for who he was, and who loved him–and that was what he had found.

He’d never thought he would have this; people so understanding and loving and accepting.

They were all gorgeous and lovely and they were his .

“Good boy,” Seokjin whispered in his ear as he stroked his fingers through Namjoon’s thick hair.

“Such a good puppy,” there was a slight edge to Hoseok’s words that made Namjoon’s toes curl. They pulled him off Taehyung with a sloppy sound, a string of spit stretching between the corner of his lips and Taehyung’s cock and Taehyung let out a loud moaning sound that Namjoon felt underneath his skin.

Puppy .

Namjoon couldn’t help but let his head loll back and fall against where Hoseok was kneeling behind him, and Hoseok smiled as his hand cupped Namjoon’s face, long fingers secure around his jaw in a way that made Namjoon’s eyelids droop. There were absolutely no thoughts in his head as he smiled up at Hoseok, feeling the Dominant’s fingers drift down the sensitive skin of his throat before finding the collar. His collar.

And as Hoseok’s fingers tightened around it gently, the collar pressing against his throat and making breathing a little more difficult, Namjoon’s eyes completely closed. He was barely even aware of the fact that his hips began to roll, his cock hard and pressing against the cotton of his underwear, his cheeks flushed as his breathing became more laboured.

“That’s it, baby,” Jimin whispered, and a hand began rubbing against his cock, soft and amazing . “Hyungs will make you feel good–hyungs always make us feel good.” His lips pressed briefly against Namjoon’s–his lips were so plush and they always tasted faintly of cherries from his lipgloss–and Namjoon attempted to lean into the kiss but Jimin was already moving away. Namjoon’s eyes attempted to open, but his eyelids felt so heavy, and Jimin was still rubbing at his cock over his underwear, and someone was kissing the side of his throat next to where Hoseok’s fingers were still curled around his collar.

All of it was just–it was so much.

It was Jungkook and Seokjin who helped him up onto the bed, and it was Taehyung who stretched out beside him, loosely wrapping an arm under Namjoon’s shoulders and nuzzling into his side. Namjoon kissed Taehyung, or he at least attempted to. There were hands all over him–all over both of them, and later on, when Namjoon could actually keep a single thought straight , he realized that he and Taehyung were in the middle of them, surrounded by the rest of the cluster. Jimin also wiggled his way in between both of them, and Namjoon managed to open his eyes and look around with through a hazy, spacey gaze, and he saw Jimin lowering himself onto Taehyung’s cock while Yoongi held Taehyung’s arms down, before it was Jungkook’s gorgeous face completely capturing his attention.

“Roll over, hyung,” Jungkook’s voice was so sweet as he leaned in to brush Namjoon’s hair back from his sweaty forehead. “I want to fuck you.” He and Jungkook had done a few things together, and all of them had been so good , but Jungkook hadn’t actually fucked him before, even though Namjoon desperately wanted it. Jungkook was big–not as long as Seokjin or as thick as Taehyung, but he was still big , and Namjoon had thought about Jungkook inside of him for a long time.

“And I want your mouth,” it was Seokjin who spoke up and Namjoon felt goosebumps break out across his skin as Jungkook helped him roll over. Hoseok was the only one not on the bed, standing to one side and staring down at where Jimin was bouncing on Taehyung’s cock. Taehyung was moaning loudly, and Jimin was moaning even louder, while both Hoseok and Yoongi watched on, Yoongi’s grip on Taehyung’s wrists slipping as he leaned down to messily kiss him upside down. Namjoon wished that he had the brain power to take in everything around him, but when Hoseok’s hand gripped Yoongi’s hair and tugged him around until he was facing where Hoseok was standing, Namjoon’s attention was completely shifted. Seokjin was resting on his haunches with his legs spread and his cock hard and proud between them, right in front of Namjoon’s face when he was on his stomach with Jungkook pushing his thighs apart.

“Just..Up a little,” Jungkook was mumbling to himself, and Seokjin was looking fondly over Namjoon’s naked body and down to where Jungkook was manhandling Namjoon into position.

“Open your mouth for me, sweetheart,” Seokjin told Namjoon as he wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and held it close to Namjoon. Namjoon was clumsy and slow to open his mouth and he felt the stickiness of Seokjin’s precum swiping against his lips, and he let out a needy sound that had Seokjin chuckling.

They weren’t being rough with him, not to the extent that he knew he could take, but they were still pushing him further than they had before.

“You keep your hand there,” it was Jimin who leaned forward, stretching across from where he was still on top of Taehyung, helping Namjoon splay his hand on Seokjin’s pale thigh. “Squeeze to stop, remember?” They had discussed this before–several times–and Namjoon had used the method with Jimin and Hoseok before, but he appreciated being reminded, especially with how empty his head was of all thoughts. Squeeze twice to slow down and three times to stop. He managed to nod, with his mouth full, and Jimin slipped away again, and Namjoon’s face basically fell forward into Seokjin’s crotch and his eyes rolled back into his head as the smell of Seokjin’s arousal and musk flooded his senses.

He groaned around Seokjin’s cock and while there were so many noises and different movements happening around him, it all just…It became background noise, as though he was under water and happily sinking further.

Jungkook was clumsy with fucking him, as though he was overeager or distracted, and he probably was. Jimin was riding Taehyung, and Yoongi’s mouth was around Hoseok, and then there was Seokjin …Seokjin who was always so calm and resolute and kind–he now had a firm grip on Namjoon’s hair, and every time Jungkook fucked into him and bumped his body forward, his mouth took all of Seokjin inside, heavy on his tongue and his ass full.

It was amazing.

Feeling his body be jostled back and forth and the moaning that was coming from his cluster around him, it was incredible. And while everything felt good –both Jungkook and Seokjin inside of him with someones hand in his hair and someone else grabbing at his thigh–but it also felt as though he was experiencing everything out of body. He could feel everything –the way Jungkook stretched him every time he thrust inside, and the heaviness of Seokjin on his tongue, briefly blocking his airway as he pressed forward–but it also felt as though he was floating above himself and watching everything happen.

It was a kind of floaty, wispy kind of disconnected that Namjoon had climbed toward before, but never fully reached. Subspace, a beautiful, cloudy mindset that washed over his whole body, and Namjoon could feel his orgasm building, despite the fact his cock was untouched, slapping against his stomach as he was rocked back and forth.

There were rules that they had discussed for him, which was something Namjoon had always felt flustered and excited about. Rules were agreed on and given by Dominant’s who cared about their Submissive’s, and it had been something Namjoon had always craved. They were similar baseline rules to everyone else, some of the cluster had more specific rules–especially the younger three–and a common one for the Submissive’s and Switches was to ask for permission to cum if they were with a Dominant.

“Hyugth–” Namjoon’s words were jumbled, and so he squeezed limply twice at Seokjin’s thigh. Seokjin stopped instantly, and so did Jungkook, which was unfortunate, but Namjoon was already getting his question out before Seokjin could get much out.

“Namjoonie, are you–”

“Can I cum, please?” Namjoon’s voice was garbled–he felt as though he couldn’t remember how to talk properly. “Hyung?”

“Of course,” Seokjin’s voice lightened immediately, and Namjoon hadn’t even noticed the tightening in his chest as he waited for his Dominant’s response. A hand stroked up and down his back–it felt like Jungkook’s touch, and he knew it was Jungkook who slid into him slowly, more carefully than before. “Did you want Jungkookie to touch you, puppy?” Puppy . Namjoon’s hips jerked forward at the pet name, squeezing around Jungkook’s cock, and he moaned.

“I–” words felt difficult and Namjoon really just wanted Seokjin back in his mouth. Being full at both ends and feeling safe trapped between two men that he loved would be enough to tip him over the edge so he just leaned forward again, gently headbutting Seokjin’s thigh. “Please, jus–” he opened his mouth again and Seokjin’s big hand dipped down, sliding briefly around Namjoon’s jaw and his thumb running over his lower lip.

“Of course, sweetheart,” before he was straightening up and his hand was wrapping around the base of his cock instead. Namjoon’s eyes rolled back before closing as he felt both Seokjin and Jungkook begin to move, and he hadn’t realized that quiet had fallen all around them, from the other members of the cluster, until he heard them begin to move and moan again. He was glad for that, absently, somewhere faraway, he loved the sound of all of them together, it was like a personalized symphony.

It didn’t take long until Namjoon came, and he Namjoon had already felt overwhelmed and like he was ascending to some higher plane, he was aware that this orgasm felt as though it stretched on for so long. His body was strung so tight as he tried to also concentrate on sucking at Seokjin’s cock, but he knew his movements were sloppy. Somehow still, it was enough to make Seokjin cum, and Namjoon heard whispers above him and fingers running through his hair before his head was tilted back, and warm cum splashed across his lips and cheeks and dripping off his jaw. Namjoon couldn’t even find it in himself to lick at the cum spread across his mouth, but small hands cupped his face–Jimin, he knew it was Jimin from the sweet perfume even though his eyes were barely open–and then they were kissing sloppily. It was more like Jimin was kissing him because Namjoon could hardly respond even though he wanted to–his body was sluggish and refusing to respond to any signals sent from his brain, and Namjoon really just…Didn’t care.

He was in that sweet, fluffy space that he had heard so much about and dreamed of, and he had full confidence that his cluster would look after him.

They had discussed aftercare, and the things that all of them liked and needed–even the Dominant’s, which was something that Namjoon felt bad for never properly considering before. It made complete sense that Dominant’s needed some help balancing the rush of hormones just like Submissive’s did, a lot of Dominant’s just tried to cover that up, pretending that they didn’t need anything.

When Namjoon opened his eyes, which felt sticky and scratchy, it was dark outside, and he felt disoriented at the strange distribution of weight against him and waking up in a room he didn’t sleep in very often. He blinked as he lifted his head, and it was Taehyung snuggled up close behind him with Hoseok spooning him and his chin hooked over Taehyung’s chin. Jimin was kind of nestled in between them, Namjoon didn’t notice him at first since he was lower down than the rest of them, his face smushed against Hoseok’s chest and almost completely under the blanket. Namjoon closed his eyes for a moment, because the world felt a little bit tilted and his mouth was dry and his tongue felt thick. Thoughts were slow, not completely drowned out like they had been last night, but syrupy and lethargic. He wanted to know who was behind him–just to make sure that the rest of the cluster was around him–but he was slow to do so, his limbs feeling heavy and slow to respond, his fingertips curling around someone's arm gradually.

“Are you okay, hyung? Did you need a drink or something to eat?” It was Jungkook’s voice that was beside him, gentle and sweet.

“I’m…” Namjoon’s voice came out rusty and he paused to clear his throat. The hand in his turned around, squeezing gently at his, while Jungkook kissed the back of his shoulder and then the back of his head, happy to wait as Namjoon found his voice again. “I’m good,” he managed to say and he felt Jungkook smile against his shoulder, where his mouth was now resting. Namjoon fell quiet again, letting his eyes shut and maybe dozing off a little, he wasn’t sure. Honestly, he just felt comfortable and heavy and his mind wasn’t racing–which was usually how things were as soon as he woke up–he didn’t care if he drifted, he didn’t think Jungkook did either. When he woke up again, the TV was playing quietly in the distance, and Jungkook was asleep, but Hoseok and Seokjin were awake, on each end of the five in the middle, and Namjoon smiled at that. The two Dominant’s on either side, protecting them.

“You’re awake,” Seokjin’s voice was hushed, and he reached over Yoongi and Jungkook to rest his hand on Namjoon’s arm. “How are you feeling? Can you tell me if you need anything?” The way it had been in the first few sentences to check in with him, to make sure he was okay…Namjoon smiled so wide his dimples were probably craters in his cheeks, before his stomach jumped and his heart stopped as his hand whipped up to touch his neck.

His bare neck.

“My collar–” Namjoon didn’t mean for his voice to pitch higher in his panic, but Seokjin was quickly reassuring him while Hoseok moved to reach for the bedside table. Taehyung and Jimin were stirring, probably in response to Namjoon’s overreaction, while Hoseok spoke quickly as he held Namjoon’s collar in his hands. It was the more sturdy one, rather than the beautiful, flashy one with diamonds–the one that he would be comfortable laying in bed with.

“It’s right here, puppy, right here,” Hoseok murmured.

“We couldn’t let you sleep in it, jagiya, it’s just not safe,” Seokjin’s voice was gentle and a touch sympathetic as he saw Namjoon’s face fall.

“But we can put it on right now, though,” Hoseok continued, shuffling to hand the collar over to Seokjin, who somehow managed to reach over Jungkook and Yoongi and carefully latch the collar around Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon let out a heavy exhale the moment he felt the pressure around his throat, relief rushing back through him, and all those negative thoughts and feelings just washed away.

“Is that better?” Seokjin asked, his voice fond and knowing. Namjoon nodded, not even considering that Seokjin was perhaps teasing him–he knew his Dominant wouldn’t.

“Yes, hyung,” he breathed out and Seokjin smiled, ruffling his hair gently.

He still didn’t know if there were any specific titles that he wanted to call any of the Dominant’s– his Dominant’s–yet, and they hadn’t been bothered by that. Both Jimin and Jungkook would occasionally call Seokjin Daddy , and Taehyung had a habit of Sir slipping out with whoever he was playing with when he was in a Submissive headspace. Namjoon had used titles when he hired a Domme or Dominant, because that was just how it was–there was no name to learn or get attached to, but now that he had a cluster? He just wasn’t sure.

Honestly, the thought of calling Seokjin Daddy curled tight and hot in the pit of his stomach, but he wasn’t sure he could even get the word out. Not yet , anyway. And Hoseok definitely looked very Sir- like when he was standing over one of them–Namjoon could imagine being able to say that a lot sooner than Daddy, but…Maybe someday he would be brave enough.

For now, everyone was happy with him calling them by their names or by hyung –they just wanted him to be comfortable. Hoseok and Seokjin, who he had been worried about in particular given they were his Dominant’s, had reassured him separately that as long as he was addressing them with respect, they didn’t care what he called them. It was something that had to come naturally, and they would go over their expectations and changes as they went along.

It sounded a bit too close to perfect, sometimes–and now all the time, given they had officially asked him to be their Submissive. They had collared him.

“Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok whispered.

“Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice was sleepy and thick and Namjoon realized he was sniffling.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Seokjin asked gently, but he looked as though he understood. Namjoon’s emotions were all over the place after the subspace that he had fallen into last night–and they probably would be for the rest of the day–and just the reminder of what they had asked him last night, and the collar– collars –that they had given him was making him teary-eyed.

“I’m okay,” he managed to murmur, and he twisted around so that he could face Jungkook properly, and those emotions started going haywire all over again. Jungkook’s face was all squishy from where he had been smushed against his pillow, and he just looked so sweet , Namjoon didn’t even hesitate before he was leaning in to kiss Jungkook, morning breath and all. Jungkook kissed him back sleepily but eagerly, smiling against his mouth, and Namjoon felt something in his body exhale.

He was okay–everything was okay, his hormones were just all over the place. He had his collar back around his neck, and he was kissing one of his boyfriends and the rest of his cluster were all around him.

“Just take it slow, jagiya,” Seokjin was kissing the top of Yoongi’s head as he was slowly waking, and brushing his hands through Jungkook’s hair, smiling at Namjoon. “We always do after a night like last night.”

Something that he had just assumed when he was getting to know them, was that they would play together– all of them together–frequently, but that didn’t happen. The younger three especially had a high sex drive, wanting to play with each other and the rest of their cluster, but their schedules didn’t always line up, and particularly Yoongi didn’t have a very high drive for sex and play. There were a lot of times that Namjoon had noticed Yoongi indulged the younger ones, happy to participate in whatever Scene they wanted, but if he wasn’t in the mood for sex, he simply didn’t join in on that part, and none of the cluster ever questioned or pushed him. Hoseok was always in the mood to Dominate someone, and it built up quickly, something that Jungkook and Taehyung enjoyed with him a lot– especially Taehyung. Namjoon knew that his sex drive wasn’t as high as the youngest ones, but he was craving direction and guidance a lot , probably because he had been deprived of a cluster and of a constant Dominant in his life. He imagined he would settle down, and that his Submissive side wouldn’t crave things so constantly.

They had time.

Namjoon didn’t need to figure it all out right now.

He was in no rush.

Namjoon debated for several weeks whether or not he wanted to wear one of his collars in his daily life when he wasn’t in his home–because that was something that had changed as well. He hadn’t slept a single night at his old apartment since the night of his collaring, and he never wanted to. He had already contacted his building manager to let them know he wouldn’t be renewing his lease coming up in a few months.

He’d completely moved into the room he had with the rest of the cluster, and he also hadn’t slept alone since that night either. He loved it. He hoped he would never sleep alone again. Yoongi and Seokjin were the ones that slept alone the most, but that was at most a couple of times per week, and maybe one day Namjoon would relate to that, but he couldn’t imagine that being for a long time.

He had always admired Submissive’s who wore their collars in public–had been a bit jealous of them, actually, Submissive’s like Jackson who very proudly showed off that he had a Dominant. Part of him had always felt like he wouldn’t be able to do that, even if he found a Dominant or a cluster that collared him, worried about the responses that he would get from those around him.

But…He was proud of the fact he was collared.

Part of him still felt a bit scared, for reasons that he knew were stupid, and stereotypical, and preached to him by his parents for as long as he could remember. The disgust on their face when they had been told he was a Submissive, asking if there was a mistake, as though he was a mistake…

Namjoon had been thinking about his family a lot more in the weeks after his collaring, although it hadn’t been quite as in the dark, nauseating way that he usually thought about them. He had actually been feeling sorry for them, and the way that they thought the only option to move forward in life was to be one particular thing, to act one particular way, and that everything else was wrong. Broken. Weak.

A lot of people would probably rush to tell their family after a collaring, but…Namjoon had no urge. He’d called Soyoon the morning after, and then searched for Jackson as soon as he had got to work the next day, and if his grandmother had still been around, he would have called her before he had called Soyoon. She wasn’t though, and he had barely spoken to his family at all in the past decade. He wasn’t too interested in changing that now.

Jimin had a similar upbringing–not the same circumstances at all, but parents with the same kind of attitude. Women were Submissive or Switches, men were Dominant. Jimin had played up his Dominant side for years, knowing that it was what his parents wanted from him, but it had been making him more and more depressed. His story was a lot more similar to Namjoon’s than he would have liked–the idea of anyone in his cluster denying a part of themselves and actively hurting themselves made him feel sick.

It was exactly what he had been doing to himself, though. For so many years.

“Hi,” Jimin’s smile was flirty as Namjoon walked slowly into his studio, sticking to the edges since there were still students there. Hoseok had finished earlier, and he and Yoongi were going to see a movie together, and Namjoon had decided to wander the few blocks down to see Jimin finish up his class before they drove home together.

“Hey,” Namjoon’s voice was a lot quieter than Jimin’s, and Jimin wiggled his fingers in a wave before he was turning back to a couple of students in front of them. They were older students, late teens and early twenties, and it was cute how they all towered over Jimin. Jimin’s presence still filled up the room, despite him being the smallest one there, and it was clear that the students all had a lot of respect for him.

It mustn’t have been too busy a day for Jimin that day, because he was wearing his collar, something he didn’t always do through his work day because he would often work up a sweat.

Today, it was proudly on display, and Namjoon felt a mixture of pride at the fact he was part of the cluster that collared Jimin, and jealousy that he wasn’t wearing his own. He also wondered when he would be a part of choosing a collar for one of the members of his cluster–he was really looking forward to being a part of that.

He was looking forward to being a part of a lot of things going forward–it was the first time his future didn’t just look like empty apartments and a lonely studio room. Now, it was filled with colour and flowers and Jungkook and Seokjin and Yoongi and Jimin and Taehyung and Hoseok . It felt like his future suddenly had a whole lot more meaning–and the music he had been working on recently reflected that, much more hopeful than what he usually wrote.

“Hey,” Jimin skipped over to him, lifting up on his tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m just going to go grab my things and then I’m ready to go, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon nodded with a smile and Jimin grinned, beginning to step away before he was reaching around to squeeze Namjoon’s ass before he was dancing away and Namjoon’s cheeks flared pink as he watched him go. A couple of the dancers in the room noticed their interaction and were watching, and they smiled at him openly when he met their eyes before talking in hushed whispers amongst themselves.

Jimin’s car was parked around the back, and he and Namjoon held hands as they walked to the carpark. It was so completely different from their first interactions, the energy between them now–Namjoon would never have imagined them in this position after that first night. He had spoken to Jimin about how he had seen the evening where he had been punished by Seokjin and Hoseok, nervous that Jimin would be upset. Jimin had instead pushed him down and ridden him through two orgasms that had left Namjoon twitching underneath him. Afterwards he’d reassured him he wasn’t upset while Namjoon had struggled not to fall asleep, curling Jimin into his body.

“Jimin-ah?” Namjoon glanced at him across the roof of the car as Jimin unlocked it.

“Mm?” Jimin tipped his head to the side, his lashes kissing his cheeks as he blinked across at Namjoon, and it snatched Namjoon’s breath away. He swallowed hard, eyes dropping down to look at Jimin’s collar.

“Did you tell your parents? When you joined the cluster?” He asked, hoping that it was okay he was bringing it up like this. There was still so much that he didn’t know about them, and that he had to learn, and sometimes he felt out of his depth–but that was going to happen. Seokjin and Yoongi had reassured him on several occasions that they were all aware that there was going to continue to be an adjustment period as they all got to know each other, and no one had ever gotten upset at him. That was going to happen at some point as well, because it was natural that there would be problems at some point. Namjoon knew that, and it was really going to hurt when it did, but Namjoon thought they were doing pretty well. He was doing well.

“No,” Jimin shook his head, pursing his lips together and scrunching his nose. “I told my brother a few days after, but…” he shrugged, and Namjoon was glad that while he looked pensive, he didn’t look upset . He had apparently been through a lot of therapy as well, although it had been after he had joined the cluster, something that Hoseok and Yoongi insisted on, but Namjoon had a feeling that it had worked better for Jimin. Maybe because he had been ready to heal, while Namjoon had still felt as though he still half believed everything his parents had said to him growing up.

He was planning on finding a new therapist and starting fresh soon. Maybe it would be smoother sailing this time.

Actually, it would be. Because Namjoon would be coming home to a support system this time, rather than just burying himself in his lonely version of a nest.

“Taehyung has always been my family, you know? My family didn’t have any men that were anything less than a Dominant,” Jimin’s words came out a bit sharper, and Namjoon could understand that even after years of therapy and time apart, the hurt was still there. The hurt would always be there, it just wouldn't be so sharp and at the forefront anymore. Namjon could already feel it sinking into something smaller, the longer he was together with his cluster, and he looked forward to the day that he could talk about them without feeling his stomach twist into knots. “Do you want to tell your family?” Jimin asked, and there was no judgement in his voice, just curiosity.

“...No,” Namjoon took a few moments to reply, but he felt surprisingly good about his answer. “No, I don’t think so. At least–I don’t care about doing it right now.” Jimin nodded, and he didn’t smile, because that wasn’t a happy thing, to realize you were okay with not informing your family of something so big , but his expression was understanding and Namjoon appreciated it. They got into the car and put on their seatbelts, and Jimin twisted around to put his jacket and bag in the backseat, and when he turned back around, Namjoon’s eyes were on his collar again. “Jimin-ah?” He asked again and Jimin’s attention was back on him instantly.

“Yeah?” He prompted.

“Did you wear your collar straight away? Outside, I mean, just–in everyday life?” Namjoon asked and Jimin did smile this time.

“No, it took me a while,” he replied honestly. “Jungkook wore his a lot after he first got it, and it was when there were only Dominants or other Switches in the cluster, so his Submissive side was getting looked after a lot more than his Dominant one. He didn’t realize how much he needed to be able to Switch until me and Taehyungie came along, and we’re both–” he scrunched his nose and blushed a little, and Namjoon knew it was him thinking about how Jungkook was much more Dominant than him despite being their youngest. “Jungkook is more Dominant than both of us,” Jimin continued, and Namjoon suppressed his smile. “And he started wearing his collar around a lot less after we joined the cluster because he wasn’t just–going around in a Submissive headspace anymore. But he had been wearing it long enough for it to feel so much more normal and comfortable for me and Taehyung and after a while…After a while I just realized I feel naked without it, so I prefer to always wear it. I like people knowing there’s somewhere I belong –I like always feeling like I belong somewhere.”

“I get that,” Namjoon said quietly with a nod as he turned to look out through the front window as Jimin turned the car on and reversed. That was a big part of why he liked wearing his collar, that feeling of belonging that came with it–it made him feel dizzy when he thought about it for too long, honestly. But it was more than that as well, something more self-fulfilling. It felt like an acknowledgment to himself, confirming that he was being himself and he was accepted for that. “I want to wear my collar–in public,” he admitted, glancing over at Jimin, and they had stopped at the end of the long driveway as Jimin indicated to pull onto the main road. He looked over at Namjoon wide eyed, a gorgeous smile breaking out across his face.

“You do?” He asked, sounding almost breathless as he stared at Namjoon, and it made Namjoon blush as he nodded.

“Yeah, I do,” he whispered. It was no one else's business what his designation was, but he had gone out of his way to project something different. He didn’t want to do that anymore, he didn’t want to purposefully try to act another way–he had a cluster and he was proud of his position within that cluster.

He wanted to show it off.

It just might take him a little bit for him to work himself up to that.

Namjoon experienced his first punishment almost a month after he had officially joined the cluster. There had been some playful reprimands that he had received over that time, but none of them had been actual punishments. They had discussed them–it had been part of the forms that Namjoon had filled in when they had first all started seeing each other. He wasn’t someone who craved discipline, not like Taehyung and sometimes even Jungkook, who would purposefully brat to get put in their place at times. He liked keeping having set boundaries and keeping his Dominant’s happy by staying within them and feeling the benefits of that himself–and getting lots of rewards for that.

He liked rewards.

However …

Namjoon had wanted punishments if he deserved them. He hated the thought of disappointing anyone in his cluster, and he wanted to be held responsible for that if it ever happened. That was part of being in a cluster, in being part of this kind of relationship–that was what he needed .

He hadn’t even realized that he had run late for dinner three nights in a row until he came home and the house was eerily quiet. He was a bit surprised, even though he knew that Hoseok and Seokjin had something on–Seokjin had some dinner with some investors and Hoseok was going with him, good at working crowds and making Seokjin feel comfortable. It was only as Namjoon was taking off his jacket and his coat and absently thinking about how relieved he was that his lease was coming up on the apartment he was no longer using that he remembered Jungkook and Taehyung were cooking dinner tonight. Taehyung had even made a point of sleepily reminding him this morning to make sure he was home by six-thirty and Namjoon had set an alarm. Except his phone hadn’t charged last night and he had misplaced the charger he had at work and he’d just gotten completely wrapped up in what he was doing–

And he was late.

For the three nights in a row, he had been late.

Namjoon winced as he moved slower, unwinding his scarf and walking carefully through the doorway of the lounge and poking his head in–and wasn’t too surprised to find it empty. But then when he walked down to the living room and through to the kitchen, he was surprised to find that empty, and he frowned, his fingers beginning to twitch nervously at his side.

His stomach tightened as he saw that dishes had been washed and were in the drying rack, so dinner had definitely been made, but there was no sign of anyone and he wasn’t too sure where to even look. The cluster didn’t usually start heading upstairs this early unless there was something they were working on–Seokjin and Yoongi used the large office upstairs quite often, but the younger ones didn’t really. Especially when they were all meant to have dinner together, Namjoon was late but it wasn’t that late…

He winced as he looked down at his dark phone, still dead, and then reached up to touch his collar. He had worn it a couple of times to work now, quietly asking one of his Dominant’s to put it on before he left to catch the bus into work or get a ride with one of his cluster, and it had been cold recently, so he had been wearing turtlenecks and scarves and no one had actually seen it yet–except for Soyoon and Jackson. He pressed his fingers against the soft material of the day collar, putting down his bag on one of the barstools and slowly walking to the stairs.

“Hello?” He called out as he walked up to the first level, wandering down to the left first and glancing in a few of the bedrooms before turning and walking to the right, down to where the study was. It was technically open to anyone to use, and Taehyung and Jungkook had taken Namjoon in there when they had cleared a big space for all of them to paint, but most of the time it was Seokjin and Yoongi.

Yoongi was in there now.

“Hyung?” Namjoon spoke up quietly, his hand dropping down from his collar to rest against the door knob.

“Hi, Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi’s voice was soft, the way it usually was, but there was a tension to it that made Namjoon swallow hard as he stepped into the office. Namjoon pressed his lips together, pausing for a moment, and his shoulders slumped, trying to make himself smaller as he approached Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t a Dominant, and that side of him didn’t flare up very much either–he was naturally protective and a bit possessive, but he didn’t try to exert his Dominance often. He was clearly very comfortable and assured with his place in the cluster, something that Namjoon admired and wished he was a bit more like, and he didn’t mind at all when Jungkook decided to take charge when the two of them were playing together, and sometimes Jimin. Jimin was actually the only one that Yoongi pushed back against, they had a playful banter that stretched to their sex lives, and it was fun to watch. He easily lead when it came to Taehyung and Namjoon, and he hadn’t really experienced Yoongi taking control.

There was something about the way that Yoongi had his thighs spread as he turned his chair to look at Namjoon approaching, told him that that was about to change, and it made Namjoon equal parts excited and nervous.

“You’re late,” Yoongi stated and Namjoon nodded quickly as he moved to stand directly in front of Yoongi, and he shuffled his feet together. He felt like kneeling –the feeling was actually building stronger and stronger inside of him–but he wasn’t sure that would be correct right now, he didn’t know if that was what Yoongi wanted. Yoongi liked it, but only sometimes–Namjoon knew that from all of their discussions, but he wasn’t sure if now was one of those times.

They had barely said anything, but…

It felt like maybe it was one of those times.

“I know, hyung,” Namjoon’s voice came out softly, and his knees weakened, his hand resting on Yoongi’s desk. He’d felt guilty about being late all week, and while Hoseok had reprimanded him lightly, that was all. And tonight he had really meant to come home early, Taehyung had reminded him, and he planned to, but now he was late and–

He was dropping down to his knees in front of Yoongi without another word, his head bowing forward so he missed the surprise in Yoongi’s eyes before he settled his expression.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon murmured, because he was . It wasn’t just Yoongi that he needed to say that to, he would need to say that to the others–especially to Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin.

“I know you are,” Yoongi’s voice was soft as his fingers began to stroke through Namjoon’s hair. It was soft and it felt so nice against his scalp as Yoongi spoke. “But it’s kept happening, and that’s not okay. We have rules and we made commitments to each other–especially today, I know Tae reminded you about dinner this morning.” Namjoon made a sad sound at the back of his throat, his eyes closed. “You were late the other nights and we let it go, we’re all still adjusting to everything being new, we know that, but…The boys are really disappointed, they were looking forward to tonight. And you were late.” Namjoon swallowed hard.

Yoongi’s words were gentle and factual but Namjoon felt guilt heavy in his stomach.

He had disappointed his cluster.

He had disappointed his Dominants.

“ Hey ,” Yoongi’s voice was sharper than before and his fingers curled into Namjoon’s collar, leaning down closer to Namjoon. “Look at me.” It wasn’t often that Yoongi’s voice sounded this…Stern. Namjoon instinctively lifted his head to look up at Yoongi through watery eyes, and Yoongi gave him a gentle expression. “We all make mistakes. We take our punishment, we apologize and we move on and do better. Don’t let yourself linger on this too long, okay?” Namjoon nodded slowly, and even though there was still some anxiety in his chest, his heartbeat began to slow down. “What’s your colour, pup?” Namjoon felt a bolt of heat through him at the term of endearment, a reaction that was becoming impossible for him not to have a physical reaction to. It was hard, when his cluster used it with him fondly so often when their hands and mouths were on him.

“Green,” Namjoon said quietly, because he might feel guilty and anxious, but that was only because this was going to be his first punishment. It was natural that he would be nervous–and feeling upset for letting down his boyfriends.

If he didn’t have Yoongi there, and if this was just a few months ago, he knew there was a chance that he would spiral into his head, unable to stop himself, but Yoongi’s touch was grounding, and Namjoon’s headspace itself was much better. He emotionally felt a lot steadier than he had before, so much weight lifted from his shoulders and mind that left him able to process everything around him a lot better than he had before. His mental health was so much better now that he had Dominant’s in his life, and he was regularly falling into Subspace–every need of his suddenly filled when they had been left cold and empty. Sometimes it got overwhelming, and when it got like that, they gave him space to think everything through, but were always within reach when he needed them.

“Green,” he repeated, because he trusted any of his cluster with a punishment, even though it had previously been agreed that the younger three would not be the ones doling out the punishments, just like they didn’t with the others. They would sometimes participate, and Namjoon had been told he was welcome to as well when appropriate, and Namjoon was okay with that.

He trusted them–all of them.

He trusted Yoongi.

“I can take my punishment–I want to take my punishment,” he told Yoongi earnestly, and he was being completely honest. He wanted to make things right, and he wanted to take his punishment for the nights he had been later than their agreed upon curfew, and then he would make sure he apologized individually to all the others.

“You’re a good boy, Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi murmured. “A punishment doesn’t mean you’re bad.” Namjoon took in a few deep, long breaths before nodding, his shoulders looser than they had been a moment ago. He’d been given punishments as a child growing up, but the structure that he needed–that he craved as a Submissive–was something that he had never really had until now, and it was natural that he would push the boundaries to begin with, like being late over and over again.

And now, that structure would be reinforced in ways that he had previously agreed to, and part of him was excited about that.

It was nice to know that there was someone– multiple someones–who cared about him enough to enforce those boundaries that he had been testing. It made him feel warm and prickly and curl his toes in anticipation. That shouldn’t make sense, but it did–it was part of belonging, part of being in a cluster.

“I want you to prep yourself,” Yoongi leaned back in his seat and reached for something on his desk before holding it out to Namjoon. Namjoon only hesitated for a moment before he was taking it from Yoongi’s hand, eyes widening as he saw it was lube, head snapping back up to look at Yoongi. “Taehyungie prepared his favourite toy for you,” he added, looking past Namjoon, and Namjoon turned, letting out a surprised sound. He had no idea how he had missed the dildo that had been suctioned to the wooden floor when he had approached the desk when entering the room.

And it was huge .

Of course it was, Taehyung was a Size Queen and had a pain kink–he loved it huge.

“Oh,” Namjoon swallowed hard.

“What’s your colour?” Yoongi asked again and Namjoon took a moment before replying, making sure to properly think it through before he was looking back at Yoongi.

“Green,” he murmured.

He wasn’t sure how long he was expected to sit on the dildo that had him stretched so full it felt as though he could barely breathe around it. It was so deep that he could never fully relax onto the dildo, shivers running intermittently through his body as he tried to control his breathing. His cock was incredibly hard, straining and wet at the tip, and he felt so overstimulated that every light breeze that came through the open window on the far side of the room had him gritting his teeth.

Namjoon could have asked Yoongi how long he would be in this position, and there was a chance that Yoongi would have told him. Maybe he would have told Namjoon to stay quiet, he wasn’t sure. But Namjoon wanted to show that he could be patient, he could wait, he could take his punishment, and he was determined to wait. Yoongi told him to reapply lube twice, obviously wanting to make sure Namjoon didn’t hurt himself, and his heart warmed at the care that Yoongi was showing, even as he was punishing Namjoon.

That was until Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook came into the room.

All three of them were undressed, looking rumpled and as though they had already gone a few rounds, and when Jungkook leaned in for a quick kiss as he passed by Namjoon, he tasted like the lip gloss that Jimin wore.

“Can we play with him, hyung?” Taehyung’s voice had a whiny edge to it as he sat down on Yoongi’s lap, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s lap and looking over at Namjoon. Namjoon couldn’t help the way his body tensed up, and he clenched around dildo which was already making him dizzy and he let out a loud whine. Taehyung’s eyes widened, looking almost as desperate as Namjoon felt as he turned his head to look at Yoongi. “ Please ?”

“Four more minutes,” Yoongi responded, looking at something on his desk–maybe a timer on his phone. “He was forty-two minutes late, he can wait forty-two minutes to cum.”

“You think I’m going to let him cum in four minutes?” Taehyung wrinkled his nose.

“You underestimate us, hyung,” Jimin teased, leaning in to bite at Yoongi’s neck, and even though Namjoon was so overwhelmed, he almost missed it, but he saw the flutter of Yoongi’s eyelids in response to Jimin. The dynamic between the pair of them was always so fun to watch, Namjoon wished that he was actually able to focus on anything other than the dildo that was stretching him wide. “Let us play.” The words came out a lot differently from him than they did from Taehyung, it was more a playful comment than a question, and Yoongi responded as such.

“Go on then,” he mumbled, and Jimin smirked knowingly. Jungkook was closest to Namjoon and he fell to the ground in front of him, his knees crashing down on the wooden floor with a painful crunch he barely paid attention to as he grabbed for Namjoon and pressed their mouths together. Namjoon wasn’t sure if he was really kissing back because he was still so disorientated from being so full, and when another pair of hands joined Jungkook’s, Namjoon couldn’t pay attention to anything .

“I’mma fuck you, hyung,” Taehyung whispered hotly in Namjoon’s ear, and Namjoon let out a moan over Jungkook’s tongue. “Is that okay?” He bit at Namjoon’s ear and Namjoon’s body swayed to the side, shifting the direction that the dildo was pressing inside of him and he let out another moan, his body shaking between Taehyung and Jungkook’s.

“Y-yes,” Namjoon managed to say.

“You gotta wait until I cum,” Taehyung’s voice sounded quite proud to be the one giving the orders, which made Namjoon’s nose twitch. He couldn’t imagine there had been many times where it had been Taehyung who had been the one giving the orders–he couldn’t imagine there had been many times when Taehyung had wanted to be the one giving the orders.

“I-I’ll wait,” Namjoon responded as he felt a small hand wrap around his cock, and even though his eyes were shut, he knew it was Jimin. “I promise– fuck .” Jimin kissed him then, his lips were unmistakable, and Namjoon’s whole body shook as someone ran their hands over his shoulders and down his back, squeezing at his ass, and pulling his cheeks apart, around where he was knelt on the ground, sucking in the large dildo.

A shrill timer went off that had all four of them jerking and looking toward the desk where Yoongi was watching them, the only one fully clothed but a hand rubbing at the hard line of his cock through his pants. Yoongi reached for his timer and turned it off, and he looked back at the three of them.

“Don’t make him wait too long,” Yoongi guided them as he stood up. “He’s said he’s sorry, and you know he is,” there was a firmness in his voice that had Taehyung and Jungkook nodding rapidly, and despite–or probably moreso, because of –Namjoon’s vulnerable position, he stared up at Yoongi with glossy eyes. He knew that as far as punishments went, he had gotten off incredibly easy, and it was going to be the conversations that he had later on where he apologized that were going to be a lot more difficult, but the thrill still set every nerve in his body alight.

There was so much going on that Namjoon could barely keep track of who was touching him where, especially when Jungkook and Taehyung helped him to his feet, lifting him off the dildo that left him feeling completely empty. He whimpered and his legs were shaky from how long he had been crouched down, but he was supported instantly as he wavered, and then someone was kissing him, and another one was groping at his ass. All three of the younger members of their cluster were surrounding him and they knew what they were doing, touching his cock that was already aching and on the edge of an orgasm, before pulling back, making sure not to give him too much.

Someone made the unilateral decision that they were moving to one of the bedrooms, and Namjoon was led out of the office. At one point when his eyes opened, he saw Yoongi there, stripping out of his shirt and pulling Jungkook up from the bed. Watching them when Yoongi was taking the lead between them was something that Namjoon wanted to watch, but he just couldn’t concentrate on any one thing. Jimin had decided to crawl up his chest and rub his ass against Namjoon’s cock, and bite at his lips, while Taehyung almost immediately pressed his fingers inside Namjoon. Namjoon had thought he felt overwhelmed before–that was nothing compared to what was happening now.

“We won’t be mean, hyung,” Jimin’s words were hushed against Namjoon’s mouth. “You know Taehyungie is pathetic when he’s fucking anyway,” he added and Namjoon let out what was supposed to be a relieved laugh but ended up coming out in a moan because Taehyung slapped his ass in response to Jimin’s words.

“No, I’m not ,” his tone was instantly whiny as he spoke to Jimin, the pout clear in his voice.

“Yes, you are,” Jungkook teased as he smacked Taehyung’s ass with the flat of his palm and Taehyung jerked forward before spinning around to grab his face for a kiss. Namjoon watched them briefly, although he was completely distracted by Jimin again and it wasn’t until Taehyung started fingering him that he jerked and realized what was happening.

“You have to wait,” Taehyung’s words were muffled but his fingers wrapped tightly around the base of Namjoon’s cock, stifling the orgasm was so, so close to exploding from inside Namjoon. “Wait until I’m in, okay?”

“It’ll feel so good when he’s inside you,” Jimin’s lips were wet as they shaped the words against Namjoon’s mouth and Namjoon shivered. He was pretty sure it was only Jimin and Taehyung touching him currently, but he could hear Yoongi and Jungkook somewhere, and he wished they were touching him too. Maybe that made him greedy, though.

He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask for that, since technically this was still his punishment. Jimin seemed to sense the shift in him, the way his lips stopped responding as the thought turned over in his head, and he pulled back, waving a hand behind him to catch the others attention. Namjoon’s eyes widened and he shook his head, because he knew Jimin was pausing the Scene and that wasn’t what he wanted–he knew that he could say his colours if he needed to stop.

“What is it?” Yoongi sounded concerned and Namjoon’s heart felt instantly heavy, the switch in the atmosphere hitting him like whiplash, especially when he had been sinking so heavily into Subspace.

“No, I–” his eyes darted around and his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, he hadn’t actually realized how deep he had been falling, but it would make sense with how long it had been. “Can you–touch me?” He asked, and Yoongi’s face was suddenly hovering over his, his eyes soft and his lips looking so kissable and swollen.

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi’s voice was gentle. “No matter what type of Scene we’re in, if you have a question, you ask. The worst thing we can do is say no, but we want to know what you’re thinking.” Namjoon stared up at him with wide eyes, and in the end, all he did was nod, because putting words together felt difficult, especially since someone’s fingers–Taehyung’s, probably–were still resting inside him. “Do you want all of us on the bed with you?” Namjoon nodded again, and he felt the mattress dip around him, and then there were more hands on him, and he felt the tension in his body release.

“We’ve got you, Joonie,” Jimin whispered as he leaned back in, cupping Namjoon’s face and giving him a wet kiss.

Jimin only moved away from straddling Namjoon when Taehyung kneeled between Namjoon’s thighs, covering his cock with lube that Jungkook had passed to him. And just like Namjoon had asked for, all of them were on the bed around him, fingers in his hair, a hand on his shoulder, and then behind Taehyung, there was Yoongi. Namjoon’s vision was blurry as he stared up at where Taehyung fucked into him, and how his body jerked when Yoongi pushed inside of Taehyung. Taehyung had been so confident when speaking about fucking Namjoon earlier, and while he was fucking him, he definitely wasn’t controlling him. Yoongi was absolutely the one controlling Taehyung’s movements and how he entered Namjoon, and Taehyung’s head had fallen back against Yoongi’s shoulder, the pair looking beautiful together.

“Ca-can I cum now?” Namjoon managed to gasp out when it felt like it was becoming all too much, his vision wavering.

“When Taehyungie does,” Yoongi panted and Namjoon wanted to whine and complain and thrash his legs, but he also knew the only reason that he had to wait so long in the first place was because he had been late . He didn’t get to demand things like his orgasm when this was his punishment and so Namjoon gritted his teeth and pouted but didn’t say anything. From the way that Taehyung was starting to moan, he knew that it wasn’t going to be much longer before he came.

When Namjoon was finally able to cum, it felt as though he had been held off and edged for so long that his vision spotted and he went entirely limp. There was movement and noise around him but it all sounded and felt as though he was underwater, and it was all muffled and far away. At no point did he feel worried or out of his depth, though, despite how far he was falling into Subspace.

There were soft touches against his arms and legs, and someone was talking him through cleaning him up. And then there was someone laying next to him–it was Jimin and Jungkook, Namjoon was aware of them cuddling against him and then falling asleep.

It wasn’t for long, because then Yoongi was waking all of them up for dinner, and Namjoon found out that it was when Seokjin and Hoseok had arrived home and so Yoongi had reheated dinner for all of them. It wasn’t as good as when Taehyung and Jungkook had first made it, and when they had prepared it originally for when Namjoon was meant to be home, but it was still so good . Namjoon was quiet at the dinner table and so was Taehyung, which told Namjoon that both of them were still recovering from earlier.

And afterward, once the cluster had dissipated slowly from the table, Namjoon instinctively followed Taehyung to the kitchen to help with the dishes, and Seokjin both joined them. Seokjin was only there temporarily, though, before Yoongi came into the kitchen and touched Seokjin’s elbow. Namjoon wasn’t sure if there was some look that they silently exchanged, or just something– telepathically communicated –but he knew the conversation was going to be about him, probably to fill the Head Dom in about earlier. Namjoon wasn’t scared about them discussing it, though, and he was glad he would get a moment alone with Taehyung.

“Hey, Taehyungie?” Namjoon said once they had finished the dishes and wiping down the bench. “I am sorry for being late.” It was dark outside–the whole evening had been thrown off by how late he had been, and then the punishment that had followed. He wasn’t sure what Taehyung had planned for that evening, but it wasn’t going to happen now, and Namjoon felt awful for letting him down. “I know that I need to work on it and–and I will , I promise.” It wasn’t just the Dominant’s that he answered to–the ones who were technically in charge of doling out punishments–it was to all of his partners, as it should be. He was answerable to each and every one of them, and he had to apologize to each of them–he wouldn’t feel right until he did.

“Hyung,” Taehyung’s voice was gentle, just like his smile. “It’s okay.”

“No–Taehyung-ah, it’s not,” Namjoon responded with a frown. “You reminded me to be home, and I told you I would be–and I wasn’t. I’m sorry–I can be really–absent minded, and I need to work on that. I need to be better at that–at all of…This.” There had been other bumps, not remembering to pick something up from the store when he was asked on his way home or leaving his things laying around like his shoes and clothes and books. Namjoon would get there, he was getting better, and they were all so patient with him.

It didn’t mean Namjoon wasn’t sorry when he messed up.

And it wasn’t as though there were things they weren’t learning about him either–it just felt a lot more amplified for Namjoon to be learning about six other members of his cluster, while they all knew each other, and were only getting to know him. They never made him feel bad about it, which is why Namjoon felt so bad this time, it felt as though everything that they had just let go was all piling onto his shoulders.

Logically, he was aware he was also still coming down from the unexpected Scene that had come from their punishment, all the endorphins crashing through him as he suddenly started thinking about everything he had done wrong.

There had been so many things.

They had all been so good to him, and had overlooked so many things and–

“–ung– Hyung !” Taehyung squeezed his hands. “You’re apologizing. Focus on that–just that.” Namjoon blinked, his eyes narrowing as he remembered what they were doing. What he was doing. He was lucky to have Taehyung, who understood what he was going through so well.

“Right,” Namjoon shook his head sharply. “Yes–I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” Taehyung’s smile faltered a little at that, a wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows as he stepped in closer, practically chest to chest with Namjoon.

“It’s not about being better–we don’t want you to be better , we just want you ,” Taehyung’s voice was earnest, the way it got so often. “And if something isn’t working for you at all, then we change it, that’s what has happened for all of us.”

“No, but–I want to be better for you–for all of you,” Namjoon argued and Taehyung’s smile was back.

“Hyung,” he murmured. “You’re the best.” He leaned forward and pressed a hard kiss to Namjoon’s mouth. “And your apology is accepted–but what I said stands,” Taehyung arched an eyebrow. “The rules that we’ve all decided on are exactly that–something we all decided on. Sometimes we find out that what we’ve decided doesn't work, and we have to make changes, and we all understood. Our Dom’s understand. I know…” he trailed off and shrugged a shoulder, lowering his voice, even though there was no one else around. “I know how hard it is, letting them down–letting all of us down, but especially them. And I know it can feel like you’re failing if the rules you agreed to just aren’t something you want. But they want us to be happy–we all want you to be happy,” Taehyung squeezed his hands again.

“I know,” Namjoon murmured, staring down at where Taehyung’s big hands surrounded his. “But…I’m sorry. I should have been here on time.” His body and mind could react in certain ways because of his Submissive side, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t responsible for his actions. That’s what the punishment had been before, and that was why he intended to apologize to each and every member in his cluster after Taehyung.

“I accept your apology,” Taehyung’s voice was soft and sincere. “Come up to my room tonight? We’ll watch a movie together.” Namjoon wondered if Jimin and Jungkook would be there with them…He hoped they would be, but snuggling up with Taehyung in his big bed sounded like heaven.

“You pick the movie,” Namjoon said. “I won’t be long.”

“Promise?”

It was one of the easiest promises Namjoon had ever made.

Namjoon wasn’t sure what plan he had to tell his parents. He didn’t go home for birthdays, or Chuseok, or any family events. He didn’t speak with them on the phone regularly or even email his parents or brother, and while he had missed them a lot when he was younger, it was more the concept of a family that he missed as he had gotten older, especially as he had gone through therapy. He loved the idea of being close with his parents and his brother but the reality was that he wasn’t , and now he had a new family–he had his own cluster . It was going on half a year, and he probably should have thought more about notifying his parents–even if it was just a message –but things had been changing so much and he was adjusting to his new life. The last thing he was expecting was to be at one of Seokjin’s restaurants with Jungkook and Yoongi and for his older brother to say his name.

“Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice was tentative, his hand on Namjoon’s hip as he looked past Namjoon to where Kim Jun was standing with two women, both wearing collars that were prominent against their pale skin. Namjoon’s head tilted to the side in mild interest–it would make sense that Jun was part of a cluster as well, which was something that Namjoon hadn’t even thought about. The women were both beautiful, flanking Jun as he approached Namjoon, their eyes trained at the ground, like some Submissive’s were trained to do. “Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice was sharper this time, stepping forward as though to move in front of Namjoon, where Yoongi had already stepped but Namjoon gave him a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay,” he murmured, although their protectiveness made him feel warm inside. “It’s my brother.”

“ Oh ,” Jungkook blinked in surprise before tilting his head to the side and taking in Jun as he moved around the table in front of them. The four of them were going to the movie theatre but had stopped in for dinner and of course that had led to Seokjin ducking into the office quickly .

“Namjoon-ah,” Jun’s words were uncertain as his eyes fell to the collar that Namjoon was wearing. Yoongi didn’t always wear one, but he had decided to today, a lacy collar that went with the flowy white shirt he was wearing, while Namjoon’s was one of his regular day collars, a dark velvet against his tanned skin.

“Hyung,” Namjoon dipped his head forward in a bow, and then did similar to the two Submissive’s.

“You’re…” Jun was still staring at the collar that Namjoon proudly wore and Namjoon felt himself swallowing hard but jutting his chin forward purposefully.

“I’m Min Yoongi,” Yoongi introduced himself as the awkward silence lingered, bowing politely. Jun introduced himself, and then his two Submissive’s, neither who spoke, and Jungkook introduced himself in a quiet voice, his touch possessive on Namjoon’s waist. “How long have you been in the city?” It was a bit surprising that it was Yoongi who kept the conversation moving, but Namjoon appreciated it. He shifted his weight onto his back foot, so that he could subtly lean back against Jungkook’s chest, and Jungkook’s hand shifted, wrapping around Namjoon’s waist and holding him close. Jun answered Yoongi’s question and they made polite small talk that Namjoon participated in minimally before Seokjin was joining them, looking between the two groups with a small smile.

“Hello,” Seokjin bowed his head forward before stepping in front of all three of his cluster members, which was a very pointed move that Namjoon appreciated. He didn’t feel threatened by his brother, but he also understood that Jun was a Dominant that Seokjin had never met before who was around his cluster, and Namjoon felt honoured to have that protection extended to him. He hadn’t experienced that before, other than when he was younger with his grandmother.

“This is Jun,” Namjoon said quietly. “He’s my brother.”

“Oh,” Seokjin’s voice didn’t really change, although he shifted slightly so that Namjoon was fully able to view his brother once again. “We need to leave soon to get the movie, but did you want us to leave you alone for a moment?” He asked and Namjoon hesitated for a moment, because honestly, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t think anything bad was going to happen, it was more just he had no idea what was going to happen. Seokjin turned to Namjoon and reached hand up to touch Namjoon’s neck just beneath his collar in a move that was very clearly protective and possessive, and incredibly comforting, and Namjoon felt his eyelids flicker in relief at the touch of his Dominant.

“Uh,” he mumbled, his thoughts a bit scattered before he gave him a small smile. “I’ll be right behind you,” he said and Seokjin nodded, giving the back of his neck a gentle squeeze before looking at the other two. Jungkook didn’t look particularly happy about leaving Namjoon, but he only hesitated for a moment before he was following after Yoongi, Seokjin making sure they didn’t linger, before stepping in closer to Namjoon.

“Are you sure okay?” He murmured and Namjoon smiled, nodding. He was nervous, but he and his brother would be civil, he knew that, if there was one thing they had been taught their whole life, it was to put on a good face for the public. Seokjin looked once more over his shoulder at the other Dominant, who said something sharp and brief that had his Submissive’s bowing and stepping away to take a seat at a nearby table, before he was leaving and giving Namjoon some space with his brother. Namjoon cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders back and instinctively reaching up to touch at his collar for reassurance, and he noticed the way his brother's eyes instantly followed the moment.

There was a look of barely hidden discomfort in Jun’s eyes, but he kept his expression as neutral as possible. At least it wasn’t disgust, that was what Namjoon had expected.

Namjoon hated that he still felt something ugly and dark in the pit of his stomach, something that felt akin to shame , that he thought he had moved on from. It was nothing like before, a heavy cloak that weighed him down with every breath, but it was still there. It wasn’t something that was just going to disappear, he knew that, maybe it never would go away completely, but he knew who he was, and he was happy. Happier than he’d ever been.

“You never told us you were part of a cluster,” were the first words that Jun said.

“I…Didn’t think you would be interested,” Namjoon replied after a moment, his words honest. It wasn’t as though they were in contact at any other time, except big family events where they wanted to put on a happy face and act as though he wasn’t ‘broken’.

“Well, appa and eomma wouldn’t like it if they found out through someone else,” Jun pointed out, and he was right, which strangely made Namjoon smile. They would not be impressed if they found out through someone else, a work colleague or family friend, and that would probably be the only reason they would want to know. Not because it was something worth celebrating, and not because they would be happy for him.

Honestly, he was glad that he hadn’t spoken to them, and it made it easier for him to decide how to continue this conversation. Or more correctly, how to end it.

“Then you can let them know,” Namjoon said, even though he knew that Jun would, no matter what Namjoon said.

“They’ll be happy for you,” Jun said after a moment and Namjoon arched an eyebrow. That was a lie, and Jun knew it, and Namjoon was honestly surprised he said it–almost as though he wanted Namjoon to feel better. It wasn’t as though he and Jun had had a purposefully contentious relationship as children, they had just never been encouraged to have a good one. And Namjoon knew that it must have been difficult for Jun to see Namjoon in a positive light when his parents berated him, more and more as they got older. Not that it was easy at all on Namjoon, but Jun had his own difficulties and expectations.

That was then, though, and this was now, and he was clearly in a cluster with at least the two Submissive’s, which was already different than what their parents had wanted for them. He wondered what his cluster looked like–his parents had both been Dominant’s and had always advocated to only be close with other strong personalities, and they had never become part of a larger cluster. Maybe things would have been different if they had; maybe better, maybe worse.

“Are you…With them?” Namjoon already knew the answer as he looked over at the women, wearing matching collars that complimented the suit Jun was wearing. Some clusters preferred their Submissive’s having matching collars, but Namjoon was glad that wasn’t something that his cluster chose to do. He liked that they all had individual collars.

“Yes,” Jun’s expression softened slightly as he looked over his shoulder before his usual one was slipping back into place, a habit that Namjoon too had learnt very young. He was glad to catch the slip though, it felt as though maybe there was something about his brother that he might actually like. Maybe there was a chance for them–sometime much further in the future–that they could actually have a proper, open conversation. “Nayul and Jamie.” They weren’t very far away, and both heads lifted to look at the brothers as though they had heard their names being said.

“I should let you get back,” Namjoon bowed his head forward politely, his neck stiff, before glancing over at the two beautifully dressed women, not a hair out of place. His eyes shot to Jun who was staring at his collar more openly this time before quickly jerking his gaze back up to meet Namjoon’s when his eyes were back on him again.

“Are you happy, Namjoon-ah?” The words rushed out from Jun that they all ran together and Namjoon blinked.

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. It was one of the easiest questions he’d ever been asked. “The happiest.” It was Jun’s turn to blink before he was nodding, and there was a ghost of a smile on his face.

“That’s good,” he murmured before he bowed his head forward. “Goodbye, Namjoon-ah.”

“Goodbye, Jun-hyung,” he responded before he was turning to walk away, heading toward the kitchen area. Namjoon looked back once as he was pushing open the door, and he saw that Jun was looking back at him as he stood beside the table with his two Submissive’s. Namjoon really wasn’t sure what he was expecting–and he wasn’t sure what the rest of his cluster had been expecting either–but it had gone better than he had thought it would.

Jun nodded at him again before he was turning to speak with the two women, and Namjoon turned to leave through the large kitchen that had become quite familiar to him over the past few months.

Yoongi and Jungkook were both in the car, although Namjoon could see them both looking out the window, clearly watching the back of the restaurant, and toward where Seokjin was standing at the back door. Seokjin was trying to act nonchalant, but he was clearly worried with the way he practically sprung forward the moment Namjoon stepped out the door, his eyes so wide they challenged how big Jungkook’s got.

“Are you okay?” Seokjin’s hands hovered just over Namjoon’s arms, clearly wanting to touch him but also trying to give him space. “Is everything alright–are you okay that I left? I wasn’t sure–” it was honestly charming the fact that Seokjin could be completely composed and strong Dominant, but could still stammer like the rest of them.

“I’m okay, hyung,” Namjoon said with a small smile and nod, and Seokjin wrapped his arms around his shoulders, bringing him in close. Seokjin’s smelt so good, Namjoon’s face pressing into his shoulder and inhaling deeply, and even though he didn’t feel as shaken as he thought he would, Seokjin still provided a comfort that he was so grateful for.

“That was fast,” Seokjin said quietly against Namjoon’s hair and Namjoon nodded without lifting his head.

“We don’t have a lot to talk about,” he muttered.

“I don’t know if that’s true,” Seokjin responded idly, but it didn’t feel like he was scolding Namjoon. “Did you still want to go and watch the movie? We can go home if you want?” He suggested and that was when Namjoon pulled back, shaking his head quickly.

“No, no–I still want to go,” Namjoon quickly said. That dark, ugly feeling that had started creeping up on him before, an unfortunately familiar feeling, had actually subsided a lot quicker than he had expected. Usually it took him a long time to shake off any interaction he had with his family, which was why he avoided it at all costs.

“You’re sure?” Seokjin asked, and he shifted slightly, so he was blocking Namjoon’s view of the car, even though his decision wasn’t at all influenced by Yoongi and Jungkook. They had plans to go to the movie theatre, he wanted to go on that date with his boyfriends.

“I’m sure,” Namjoon said with a determined nod.

And he was glad he did, because they had a great time. Jungkook fussed over him once they got in the car, and Seokjin and Yoongi were quieter about it, but it was clear that they were watching Namjoon with some worry for the first little bit. They had pre-purchased their tickets, and Seokjin presented them as they walked into the cinema, the young teenager looking back at them with wide eyes, her eyes settling on Namjoon and Yoongi’s collars briefly.

Namjoon didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t for her to blush and avert her eyes as Seokjin thanked her with a knowing smile. Jungkook gave her a wide smile as they walked past and Yoongi bowed his head, and Namjoon could understand the blush–his boyfriends were all incredibly attractive.

“She knows how lucky we are,” Seokjin whispered as his arm dropped around Namjoon’s shoulders, Jungkook already pulling Yoongi in close despite his faux protests. The movie was good–it was a superhero movie, one that Jungkook had wanted to see, and not exactly Namjoon’s favourite kind, but it was fun, and Jungkook and Seokjin clearly enjoyed themselves, while Namjoon and Yoongi were just happy that their boyfriends were having fun. After they left the theatre, they headed out to get a something to eat, because Jungkook was hungry even though they’d had a big dinner just before the movie, and that didn’t surprise anyone.

“You’re good?” Yoongi asked quietly at one point as he and Namjoon sat on one side of a booth while Jungkook and Seokjin ordered. As much as they had all teased Jungkook for all being hungry, they had all decided to get something.

“I am,” Namjoon nodded and Yoongi nodded his head, looking satisfied with the answer and happy to drop the conversation if that’s what Namjoon wanted. It was getting busy in the little noodle shop, particularly with a younger crowd who looked as though they were just getting ready to start their night. Namjoon was personally more than happy with the fact that they would be heading home after this, and he would likely share a shower with Jungkook before he joined Taehyung and Jimin in bed, because they had decided they were going to watch the next episode of Invincible together.

It was going to be great.

“It was– he was different than I thought he would be,” Namjoon added, staring down at the table. “ Better than I thought he would be.”

“How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” Yoongi asked with a tilt of his head.

“I think…Two years? Just over two years?” Namjoon shrugged. “I’m not sure–but even when we saw each other last, it’s not like we ever really talked. We haven’t had anything to talk about since…” he trailed off. He didn’t think he had ever actually had an indepth conversation with his brother about anything . There were a few years between them, and their interests had always been wildly different– “Ever.” It sounded sad. It was sad, but just not as sad as some people would think.

“Maybe that could change,” Yoongi shrugged, his tone nonchalant, but in a way that was soothing rather than uncaring. “Maybe that won’t. You don’t have to decide tonight.” Namjoon looked up, turning his head so he could stare at the side of Yoongi’s face, at his pink cheeks and the way his lips were pooched up cutely from where he had tucked his mask down.

“I love you, hyung,” he murmured and Yoongi’s eyes widened, his head jerking to the side and staring at Namjoon as his mouth dropped open.

“I…” his eyes darted to the side, where a group of girls were walking past, talking and giggling loudly, and Namjoon’s lips pressed together in amusement. He had seen Yoongi flustered by displays of affection before, but not quite like this by him , and it made his stomach twist and his heart beat faster. He smiled and dropped his head back down, not expecting Yoongi to respond, but his head whipped back up when Yoongi did. “I love you too,” Yoongi mumbled as he cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat before turning around to look at where Seokjin and Jungkook were walking over to them.

Namjoon was still grinning like an idiot when they joined their booth.

Jungkook played footsie with Namjoon under the table, which was juvenile and sweet , Namjoon’s stomach was filled with bubbles, and Jungkook’s cheeks flushed pink when Namjoon’s leg purposefully pressed against his calf. Seokjin and Yoongi seemed aware of what was happening, but they didn’t comment on it, talking about the movie and apparently a sequel that was coming out that Namjoon would happily see even if he really didn’t follow any of the storyline, and then about a fancy dinner Seokjin had with some investors on Sunday night. They took turns joining him at events like these, and Seokjin had said it could be the same for Namjoon as well when it came to his work events, and this time it was Jimin and Hoseok who would be accompanying Seokjin. Anyone else was welcome to go along if they wanted to, but it was more that those kind of events weren’t usually fun .

If it was a celebration, that was different, but work dinners or social events with colleagues, those were more obligations, not something exciting .

Jungkook was on his phone as he and Namjoon got in the backseat, and instead of sitting in the other side seat, he shuffled to the middle so he could snuggle up against Namjoon’s side, which made Namjoon smile. He wasn’t paying attention to what Yoongi and Seokjin were talking about in the front seat, just heard the low rumble of Yoongi’s voice and the cackling of Seokjin’s laugh, and that had lulled him half to sleep in Jungkook’s arms. He hadn’t even been tired–and given the unexpected run in with his brother, he was usually on edge–after seeing any of his family members. He used to wrap himself up in anything comforting he could drag into his nest when he lived at his apartment, trying to self-soothe in a way that for the first time in his life he didn’t need to do any more. And for some reason he didn’t even need to calm down.

A lot of things were just going right for him recently.

“Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice was soft as he whispered against Namjoon’s hair.

“Mmph?” Namjoon mumbled, not wanting to open his eyes despite the awkward position he had slumped into.

“We’re home,” Jungkook sung under his breath. “And Taehyungie and Jiminie have the bed all warm for us,” he continued, and he was slowly shifting despite Namjoon whining and trying to keep his head in the same position. “Come on, hyung, I’ll help you inside,” his voice was so sweet. He was so kind.

Namjoon was so lucky. With every single member of his cluster, he was so lucky.

“I love you,” his words came out slurred, given his half-awake state but Jungkook still heard them clearly, and chuckled, nudging his nose against Namjoon’s forehead before he was purposefully leaning forward to unbuckle Namjoon’s seatbelt.

“I love you too, hyung,” he responded easily. “Now, come on, let’s shower and get into bed.” Namjoon grumbled again but opened his eyes and followed Jungkook out of the car. He felt like he could make an argument about the fact that it seemed as though Jungkook just kept adding steps to what Namjoon needed to do once he got out of the car, but he didn’t. He just followed after Jungkook who held his hands and guided him, telling him as they walked up steps, and gently warning him as they made turns, and announcing when Jimin and Taehyung came out of their bedroom and waved out to them. “ Noooo ,” Jungkook’s voice and mouth were pouty, in the sweetest way. “You guys are getting him all to yourself tonight, he’s going to shower with me.”

“Stop whining as if you’re not gonna end up in bed with us,” Taehyung rolled his eyes and Jungkook instantly bounced excitedly beside Namjoon, which woke him up even more, but he had a feeling that Jungkook had just been holding himself back purposefully to appeal to Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook had a habit of crawling into their beds, never spending a night in his own alone, and Namjoon loved it when it was his turn to have Jungkook gently picking up the covers and slipping underneath to wrap his arms around his lover.

“Love you,” Jungkook said as he pulled away from Namjoon and smacked a kiss to Taehyung’s mouth, hugging him tightly before leaving to duck into the bathroom a few feet away to turn on the bathroom. Taehyung looked back at Namjoon, the smile on his face shifting as he raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side.

“We heard you ran into your brother,” he said bluntly in a way that Namjoon had always appreciated about him. He also wasn’t surprised that he knew about how they had run into Jun, because there were too many group chats to keep count and he could barely keep with the half that he was a part of. He didn’t mind at all that the news had travelled fast either, if he didn’t want the others to share, he would have told them that he wanted to be the one to tell the rest of the cluster, but he liked the way news moved quickly among them–and not just about him, but to him as well. They made sure he felt included.

He was included–he was a part of this cluster too.

They were his .

“Yeah,” Namjoon nodded slowly. “It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would.”

“Yeah?” Taehyung’s smile brightened.

“I think…I’m not sure, but maybe I’ll send him a message in a few days,” Namjoon mused. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s nothing you have to decide now ,” Jimin had stepped out of the bedroom, wrapping his arms around Namjoon’s waist and standing on his tiptoes to try and hook his chin over his shoulder. He couldn’t quite reach, so he peeked his head around one of Namjoon’s arms instead. “There’s no rush.”

“I know,” Namjoon smiled before lifting his chin to look down the hall to where Jungkook poked his head out from the bathroom door, already clearly undressed, which had Taehyung’s head perking up as he took a few steps down the hall to get a better look.

“Showers ready,” Jungkook said pointedly, trying to swat Taehyung away as it looked as though the other man was trying to reach in and grab at him.

“Let me help you with this,” Jimin said quietly to Namjoon, his fingers reaching up to take off the collar that was still around his throat. Namjoon had never actually taken his collar on or off, and he didn’t know if he ever would–and he didn’t think Taehyung or the others ever had either. It wasn’t an explicit rule that they wouldn’t put their own collar on or take it off but it just…Didn’t feel right doing it himself. He was glad that Jimin was there to take it off for him.

Taehyung laughed as he danced away from Jungkook, reaching up to kiss Namjoon quickly before tugging at Jimin back into the bedroom, Jimin carefully holding Namjoon’s collar in his hand. Namjoon looked after them before his head lifted to look down at where Jungkook was watching him with an impatient expression.

Despite Jungkook’s wandering hands, the shower didn’t take them too long. Namjoon turned Jungkook around in the shower and coaxed his head back so that he could massage the shampoo in and Jungkook’s body went completely limp in his hands. Namjoon could understand, because he loved it when he was being touched, but it was different with Jungkook, Jungkook seemed to just melt whenever anyone in their cluster showed him physical attention. It was sweet, the way his body would sway into theirs like a sunflower seeking the sun.

“I love you, Jungkookie,” Namjoon said so quietly that he wasn’t sure if Jungkook would hear over the sound of the water as it washed away the soapy suds on both of them.

“I love you too, hyung,” Jungkook’s eyes were still closed, his head tipped back under the water, a gentle smile on his face. Namjoon stared at him for a moment, and Jungkook slowly tipped his head forward until he was facing Namjoon, blinking slowly with droplets of water clinging to his eyelashes, and he was so. Beautiful .

“You’re so beautiful,” Namjoon whispered, unable to stop himself, and Jungkook’s smile grew, becoming something bashful and sweet.

“ Hyung ,” Jungkook’s voice came out a touch whiny, which was sweet and made Namjoon grin before leaning in to press a hard, wet kiss against Jungkook’s mouth. Namjoon had been trying to keep them on track and get them out of the shower, because he wanted to get dry and cuddled up in bed, but it ended up being him that wrapped a hand around Jungkook’s cock and then looked at him from under his eyelashes in a question.

It really didn’t take more than that, because Jungkook was always ready for sex, and he turned them around with a strong hand wrapped around Namjoon’s neck, pushing Namjoon up against the tiled wall under the shower and taking control of the kiss. It wasn’t in the same way that Hoseok or Seokjin were Dominant, but it was still firm, and Namjoon happily followed Jungkook’s lead, moans spilling from his mouth as Jungkook managed to wrap a hand around both of them and jerked them off.

They stumbled loose-limbed out of the bathroom with towels barely holding up around their waists and collided with Hoseok and Seokjin walking down the hall.

“Messy babies,” Seokjin tsked under his breath, already leaning in to kiss Jungkook with a few fingers holding his chin in place. “Don’t keep the rest of them up too late, hm?” He arched an eyebrow at the youngest, who just smiled charmingly in response without saying anything. Hoseok grinned as he leaned in for a kiss from Namjoon.

“Remember you can always leave the lot of them if they’re too loud and come join us,” Hoseok told him as his nose bumped against Namjoon’s, his voice loud enough to travel and be heard inside the bedroom, because Taehyung and Jimin both let out a shout.

“Don’t try to steal hyung from us!” Taehyung cried.

“Stop acting like you don’t want to get in here and snuggle us!” Jimin added, although neither of them came to the door, so it was easy to conclude that they were already in bed and comfortable under the covers. Namjoon wanted to get in there with them, but not without his goodnight kiss from Seokjin, and also from Yoongi, wherever he was.

Hoseok leaned in to kiss Jungkook and say goodnight to him while Seokjin did the same to Namjoon before they were following them into the room where Jimin and Taehyung were waiting, looking as though they were undressed under the covers, and Yoongi was in there with him. It seemed as though they were trying to convince Yoongi to get into bed with them, even though it would definitely be crowded once Namjoon and Jungkook joined them.

“I just came in to say goodnight,” Yoongi said as he stood up from the bed, and Hoseok leaned in close to him, putting an arm around his shoulders and pressing his nose against Yoongi’s forehead. He said something quietly that only Yoongi heard, and their hyung turned red with whatever it was that Hoseok said. Namjoon watched them closely, and the way Seokjin looked over at them, and he wondered if the three of them were going to spend the evening together, like the four youngest were. There was something about the way that Yoongi reacted to Hoseok and Seokjin that was so…Sweet and bashful.

Namjoon loved watching each of his cluster members interacting with each other and learning all the littles quirks and patterns that they had with each other. There was already so much that he had learnt about their interactions, finding his own pace with each of them, but there was also still so much that he wanted to learn.

And he had time.

They all had time.

This was where he belonged, with each of them individually and with all of them as a whole, as a cluster. This was his home. They were his home.

They finished their goodnights among themselves, and Hoseok and Yoongi left first while Seokjin lingered, waiting until Namjoon and Jungkook finished drying themselves off and putting on moisturiser and getting into bed beside Taehyung and Jimin. Taehyung almost instantly rolled over so that he could lay on top of Jungkook, the pair of them giggling as their noses bumped together, and Namjoon already knew that the two of them were going to be keeping him and Jimin up for a while.

Namjoon had absolutely no problem with that.

Seokjin took his time to give each of them another kiss, ruffling their hair and telling them that he loved them.

“Love you, hyung,” Jimin responded as he snuggled in closer to Namjoon and smiled sleepily up at Seokjin.

“Sleep well,” Seokjin told them, turning off the overhead light and leaving on just the small nightlight beside Jungkook’s side of the bed. Jimin wiggled even closer, sprawling himself out completely on top of Namjoon, although unlike Jungkook and Taehyung, it didn’t feel sexually charged, more just comfortable and intimate, being naked and so close, and Namjoon was happy with that. His nose scrunched as he buried his face in Jimin’s neck and soft hair, inhaling his comforting scent as he heard Taehyung and Jungkook begin to kiss.

“I’m so glad you found us,” Jimin whispered as he pressed a kiss to Namjoon’s collarbone, and warmth filled Namjoon.

“I’m glad I found you too,” Namjoon murmured, and he had never meant anything more.

Notes:

that's it (for now, because I still have a bunch of ideas written down in this universe and you never know if i'll add to it at some point) !
i hope you guys enjoyed it !
please let me know what you think one last time , and i hope you are safe and happy wherever you are around the globe x
and if you'd like to follow me on my socials, you can do that if you'd like to find me on twitter, you can do that here
or if you'd like to find me on bluesky, you can do that here
xx

Actions

Kudos

Just_Greenblue, Aokiwanae, polyanswr, freewilly, Asami_Chiharu, Morgansguiltypleasures, Gryfaun, IdentityCrisis21, fenrir16, taeandkookiesandsuga, ALHx93, Nightshade_12, Themadhatter_Hayden1, katiemarie91, Mikkkkkk, mapsouljoon, stars28, azzy2004, lilover101, Tator, louwho42, Army_bee, not_today19, Bellivie, FeelTheGay0620, pockettangerine, taetaeska, Jessi718, universephase, MinSilYoon, tiwaalabi, quartz_witch, BTS_NB7, Angelic_Darkness, babybatkisses, leebug7, Fairytale_Ending, jaehafxcker, PeriwinkleMadness, Jimenauta, lee67, Apollo_spawn, beerchen, AntoSnapePrince, yoongsbae_0320, Zatiekins, seewhaticcurious1, Phoebus7Apollo, Cloudzybot, Quinntheloverin, and 454 more users as well as 121 guests left kudos on this work!

Comments

Pages Navigation

llavenderdream on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 09:30AM UTC

I do love me some sweet caretaking. Hopefully Namjoon will realise that he does as well

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
amyWrites1245 on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 11:22AM UTC

I am LOVING this story omg. This is my favorite kind of hurt/comfort! Thank you so much! I really hope you continue the story!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
inkstainedpages (Kayla14) on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 11:59AM UTC

yelling at the top of my lungs this is so goooooood omg
you always drop something new on the mornings I need it most tytyty

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
bbygirlhobi on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 01:38PM UTC

oh my gosh that was such incredible build up to the ending of this chap, biting my nails in anticipation of the upcoming angst, cannnn't wait to read it!!
you write big sweet namjoon so tenderly, what a precious baby 🥺
it was so satisfying leading more about the cluster and their dynamics, all their relationships feel so fleshed out !!!
amazing amazing fic so far, thank you author!!!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
tinetine on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 02:03PM UTC

J'ai tout simplement adoré, je suis vraiment impatiente de lire la suite🥰

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
tinetine on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 02:05PM UTC

Youngi: sub, switch ou dom ????

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
mildreality on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 02:09PM UTC

Love this already! OT6/member and biological d/s! My faves! My heart is breaking for poor Joonie.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
forevryeosangs on Chapter 1 Thu 05 Jun 2025 05:27PM UTC

OMGGGGG I love this is much already, can’t wait for the next chapter.

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
rareeclare on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Jun 2025 03:52AM UTC

omg this is so good, thank you so much for writing!! I love the tension between the desire to be loved and the unspeakable horror of being known!! To be loved is to be seen and I’m obsessed with how ambivalent nj is about opening up; like it will probably be amazing but what if it’s not? And what is the cost? Shoving everything down and just getting by isn’t sustainable but being vulnerable with people is so hard sometimes the suffering is easier because at least it’s familiar and you know how it’s going to play out 😭
I love their relationships with each other! Love how jk was jealous of th just asking for a hug and getting one lol also nj’s relationship with himself, like he has realized that who he is is just fine but not really internalized it enough to allow himself to believe that other people will love him for who he is 😭
Also the end when nj was finally so comfortable and the shock of waking up alone😭 he is going through it!
I’m literally so excited for what comes next; I love it so much!! Thank you so much for writing!!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Jiminiesowoo_7 on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Jun 2025 06:14AM UTC

THIS WAS LITERALLY SO GOOD! Like seriously I read the whole thing in one sitting & im so invested. I absolutely love this universe and the way you’re portraying the different types of dynamic’s & personality traits.
It seems I don’t come across Submissive Joonie nearly as much as him as a Dom. I can’t wait for the next chapter! ✨❤️‍🔥

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
DarkAngel73 on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Jun 2025 10:01AM UTC

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
mightbedepressed on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Jun 2025 12:55PM UTC

aaaaaahhhhhh omg this was so good, lowk cant wait to see what ot6 are gonna feel when they know they accidently pushed joon into subdrop👀

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Sweet_Red23 on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Jun 2025 05:32PM UTC

Omg!! Screaming 😱 this is so damn good...
Joanie has been pushed straight into subdrop and it looks like it gonna be a doozy. What's OT6 gonna say and do when they find out they did it?
I love the caretaking going on here too. Joon coming to terms of who he is but still being afraid to be himself and let anyone in is such a dichotomy. I wonder who in OT6 is starting to question what exactly his subgender is?
I cant wait for the next chapter!! 😫🥹🫡

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
anabananastyles on Chapter 1 Sat 07 Jun 2025 12:16AM UTC

That ending is 💔💔
Please fix it!
Thanks for sharing

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Tsum_nami on Chapter 1 Sat 07 Jun 2025 08:28AM UTC

Aaaaah, that's so good! Biological BDSM and comforting Namjoonie 😫 I hope, the whole claster will make him feel good really soon 😌
This work should have much more kudos. I literally desperately needed thiss.
Thank you! Have a good day and lots of inspiration ✨️

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Killuawonderland23 on Chapter 1 Sat 07 Jun 2025 09:15PM UTC

Such a good story! So excited for the next chapter <3

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Lorainheartfilia on Chapter 1 Sun 08 Jun 2025 03:11PM UTC

Tysm for your hard work precious I love this so much I can't wait for the next update this is PERFECTION Literally instant subscription @*!^@$#&!&^!_&@%$*@&@%*@ aghhhhhh
Bio bdsm 😩😩😩😩💞💞💞💞✅
Misunderstood sub😩✅
I looooooooooooove how absolutely long this chapter was *chefs kiss* ✨✨✨✨
Author-nim ur under the this cliffhanger is illegal 😭

Last Edited Sun 08 Jun 2025 03:11PM UTC

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
fgh (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 09 Jun 2025 11:57AM UTC

I ABSOLUTELY LOVEEE THISSS I NEEEDD MOREEEE AND TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED I APPRECIATE THISSSSS!!!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
doorintothedark on Chapter 1 Tue 10 Jun 2025 04:02AM UTC

Ahhh I'm really enjoying this so far!! I love fics where Namjoon gets taken care of and I think this is shaping up to be a good one. Looking forward to more!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread
Chandlr on Chapter 1 Wed 11 Jun 2025 11:29PM UTC

This was so beautifully written. The way you describe not only Namjoon, but the others as well is just lovely! I loved the cliffhanger, and I’m excited to see just how this progresses!!!

Comment Actions
- Reply
- Thread

Actions

Work Header