Chapter 1: bowling alley ☆
Summary:
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Notes:
This chapter gets intense, but trust me it gets better as things die down!!
i hope u guys enjoyy 🫶🫶
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(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
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| 7 : 03 P M
It was an average Thursday.
Dark grey clouds surrounded the sky, which kept any amount of sunlight from shining through. It was about seven PM, as Sieun began walking out of his cram school, tired and exhausted.
His air pods were playing in his ear, until he heard a notification. As he kept walking down the stairs that lined the front of the school, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to see a new text message pop up.
' Unknown User ' -- the contact said. He then opened the text message.
[ Unknown User ] - meet me at the bowling alley - 7:05 PM
A confused look swept over Sieun. Who could this person be? And more importantly, how did they get his number. He looked down blankly at the phone, as he began clicking at the screen.
| Who is this. - 7:06 PM
He immediately received a notification.
[ Unknown User ] - come and find out - 7:06 PM
That annoyed Sieun. The fact that this person was practically luring him in, without even telling him who they were, set him on edge.
All aside, though, he began walking towards the bowling alley, rather than his apartment.
After at least five minutes or so, he arrived at the bowling alley, slowly walking down the stairs. As he did, he removed his air pods and placed them in his pocket.
When he arrived at the entrance, he was even more confused, as he scanned the area.
The place was practically empty, the lights dimmed, as the entire place looked as if it had been abandoned for years. As he stood there he searched around to see no one---unless, he thought he saw no one.
" ah look who made it, " a familiar voice called from the distance, with a smug tone.
Almost immediately, he knew who it was.
Sitting on one of the barstools directly in front of his line of sight, back facing him, was Seongje---smoking, of course. How did he even know someone was here? He didn't even look back, didn't even move an inch.
He examined him for a few seconds, slightly irritated by seeing him---he was wearing a solid black windbreaker jacket, red stripes along the baggy sleeves, along with slightly baggy jeans, and of course, his glasses.
After standing for a few seconds in silence, Seongje finally took the moment to twist his head back to face Sieun. He could see a noticeable smile lined across his face, as he noticed him eyeing him up and down.
" hey c'mon, come sit down, i don't bite, " he called over as he waved his hand, motioning for Sieun to come cover.
After staring blankly, he exhaled as he walked over to the bar at which he was sitting at.
He took off his backpack and placed it on the floor beside him, and doing so, he caught Seongje looking his way in his peripheral vision.
" why the hell do you have your backpack this late, " he muttered, proceeding to take a drag afterwards.
Sieun sat down on the stool directly beside him, to the right.
" cram school. " he said blankly, in response.
Seongje scoffed.
" of course, " he replied under his breath, messing with the glass cup in front of him, running his finger along the side.
After watching him in the corner of his eye for a few seconds, Sieun finally turned to face him.
He was fed up with wasting his time here---he could be at home studying, even sleeping. However, taking a break from all the work slipped through his mind, which made the situation not seem so bad after all.
" what do you want, " he said to Seongje, as he stared at him, all neutral.
Seongje turned his head to face him, and eyed him up and down, a faint smile lining his face.
" what do i want? all i want is to spend some quality time with my friend, " with a mocking smile on his face as he threw his arm around Sieun.
That smile made Sieun want to break his face---it annoyed him so bad.
Seongje was obviously drunk, or at least on the verge of being drunk, based on the slurring tone of his voice. He could even smell the alcohol and smoke reeking from him.
" here, have a drink " he said looking at him, his face close to his, eyeing him up and down.
He slid a glass of clear, yellow tinted liquid towards Sieun.
" i don't drink, you shouldn't either " he immediately replied, turning to examine the glass infront of him.
" oh c'mon, don't make me force you, " Seongje said, with a smirk across his face, eyes narrowed on Sieun as he still held his arm around Sieun.
Sieun immediately turned to face him
That sentence alone put Sieun on edge.
Of course, seeing Sieun's reaction only made him laugh, as his head fell down, bursting out laughing. After a few seconds, he then lifted his head back up to face Sieun, his expression becoming more neutral as he exhaled.
" i'm serious, drink it " he said, almost a whisper, as he eyed the glass and returned his gaze to Sieun.
Sieun didnt want to give in to this little game of his---ignoring him would only make this more enjoyable, especially knowing Seongje.
So, he turned to face the glass sitting in front of him. He then grabbed the glass, and began slowly sipping the liquid inside. And almost immediately, he tensed when he felt the liquid run down his throat---as soon as he tasted the bitterness of it.
He was originally planning on only drinking at least half---probably even less---but that decision shattered when he felt Seongje, tipping the glass steeper.
He closed his eyes tight, grunting at the action.
The liquid kept pouring, almost like a never ending cycle, and the taste was---horrid. It tasted like expired medicine, so strong that it burned his throat.
It felt like his throat was on fire, burning from the inside, all over. Seongje continued gripping the glass tightly, and tilted it back enough so that he was forced to swallow every last drop.
" yeah, just like that " Seongje muttered near Sieun's ear, barely a whisper.
Finally, after what felt like forever, the liquid finally came to a halt. Seongje finally took his hand off the glass as well, thus prompting Sieun to place it back on the counter, as he let out heavy gasps followed by ragged coughs.
Seongje laughed at the sight, only annoying him even more.
However, the seconds following would turn out to be the most grueling seconds of his life, especially since he's never laid a finger on alcohol before.
▪︎
In Seongje's perspective, though, everything was going perfectly. Sieun was completely oblivious to the fact that he had actually drugged the drink---beforehand, dropping a small pill into the liquid as it dissolved in seconds.
His intentions were, in other words, to put him to sleep---he wanted revenge, dirty and cruel revenge on him.
Sieun immediately placed one of his hands on the counter and gripped tightly to steady his balance. Not only was his vision becoming blurry, but it seemed like the world around him was spinning, turning around him as it grew faster every second. He felt dizzy, and his insides felt like they were being burned at full heat. He started heaving back and forth by such a feeling, squinting to try and refocus his vision.
However, despite his mind feeling fogged up, he managed to atleast catch on that this---whatever Seongie had given him---was not just alcohol. This was different, at least from what he's seen.
" what is this, what did you put in it-- " he said, his words slurred due to the state that he was in, and gaze focused on the blurry counter in front of him, gripping it like it was the only thing that could hold him up.
Seongje let out a slight laugh, as he turned away from Sieun.
" it was expensive, so enjoy it, yeah? " Seongje replied mockingly, as he began lighting a cigarette.
Enjoy it? Sieun felt like he was boiling.
He was panting like a dog, his limbs tensing as his vision became more and more hazy. But this rate, he couldn't even handle it anymore.
First, he toys with him like he's his little puppet, and now, he drugs him? Without even saying it, too. That alone, put Sieun on edge---and with that, the fight begun.
In his vision, although blurry, his eye caught a nearby glass bottle.
Almost immediately, he grabbed it by the top, and hastily, yet pathetically, threw it at Seongje's head. But surprisingly, Seongje managed to dodge such an action, without even blinking. He looked at Sieun, shocked, but then of course with a faint smile.
" woah, careful, no need to get all angry newbie, " he said at Sieun's face, with a mocking tone at the end, that made Sieun clench his teeth.
As Seongje turned away to take a drag, without any warning whatsoever, he then punched Seongje's face, unintentionally hitting his glasses.
A shark crack sounded.
Seongje grunted, immediately putting his hand on his face his feel the impact. He then grabbed his glasses, to reveal that Sieun's punch cracked the lenses.
He turned to look at Sieun, making a face that looked half enjoying, and half pissed.
" you bitch, . " he muttered, eyeing him with a slight grin on his face.
He then, almost suddenly, stood up hastily and grabbed Sieun by the collar of his shirt, aggressively throwing him down against the floor in the matter of seconds.
The impact made him groan, and it felt like a bunch of needles were pinching him from the inside, as he breathed heavily. Now laying on back on the wooden floor, Seongje positioned himself on top of him, almost as if he were straddling him. Still gripping tightly against Sieun's collar, he then pulled his head towards him, and landed a strong punch against his face, making him grunt in response.
Sieun could feel the blood dripping from his nose, and could taste the blood within his mouth, only making the feeling worse.
Seongje then used both his hand to grab his collar, and leaned in close to Sieun's face---close enough so that they were barely, inches away. He was breathing heavily, with a grin lining his face.
" you really do think that you're better than everyone don't you? " he said, so close to his face that he could feel the warmth of his breath hitting against his boiling face.
He stared at Seongje for a few seconds as they both breathed heavily, chests heaving in and out.
Realizing how close Seongje truly was, he then decided to take the moment to throw the next move.
He grabbed Seongje's jacket hastily, as he banged his head against his face, letting out a grunt.
He leaned his head back down on the wooden floor, closing his eyes, still trying to combat the burning feeling of the drug. Seongje's mouth was notably bleeding, as he reopned them, blood dripping down from the corners of his mouth. He opened his mouth to reveal the blood within his teeth, rolling his tongue along them, feeling to ensure that he hadn't broke any.
Almost immediately after glaring down at Sieun for a few seconds, he then punched him, hard, in the face, causing him to feel blurry, as his face boiled.
Seongje took this moment to pin him down, gripping both of his arms tightly and pushing him down against the wooden floor.
" you really do turn me on when your like this, " Seongje muttered, almost a whisper, but loud enough for Sieun to barely process it.
Sieun's head was ringing when he felt the taste of blood emerge within his mouth.
Obviously, since he was breathing so heavily, his mouth remained open as he gasped for air. However, after a few seconds of being knocked out, he started to taste fresh blood---as if it were pouring into his mouth, which in the end, it was.
He squinted his eyes open to see Seongje glaring down at him, eyes narrowed, practically pouring watered down blood from his mouth, directly into his. As Sieun tried to close his mouth, Seongje refrained from letting him do so, and used one of his hand to grip Sieun's chin and hold it open.
With one of his arms free, he now managed to build enough strength to punch the side of Seongje's face, giving him enough leverage to shove him to the side, and pull him down against the floor, as he positioned himself on top of him, just as Seongje was doing before.
Seongje grunted as he felt the area at which Sieun punched.
Glaring down at Seongje's face, he then took both his hands and began choking him, without a second thought. Sieun gripped tightly around his neck, somewhat hoping that such an action would maybe ease the pain of the feeling---that it would, atleast, make him feel better.
However, instead of Seongje feeling pain--- instead of Sieun inflicting pain---it soon proved to inflict the exact opposite.
" mh, don't-- stop, " he muttered, in between loud grunts---that could even be classified as moans, depending on the way you looked at it.
As Sieun choked Seongje, those words made him even more infuriated.
" what? " Sieun replied under his breath, with an annoyed tone, breathing raggedly.
Even more annoyed by him, he then gripped his neck even harder, even tighter, causing him to actually choke Seongje.
Seongje leaned his head backwards against the wooden floor as he let out choked grunts, closing his eyes as his body writhed underneath him.
" i'm so-- close, " he muttered, barely even hearable due to his choked groans.
He then placed one of his hands on Sieun's, gripping it tightly. Sieun's gaze shifted as he looked down at his hand---the hand gripping his arm, tightly, shuddering almost.
Although he definitely wasn't the one to have a messed up mind, he caught the idea of what such a phrase meant, and immediately pulled back as his eyes widened, staring at Seongje.
Seongje immediately groaned in annoyance, rubbing his neck with one of his hands.
" fuck--- are you deaf or something? " he replied, looking up at Sieun as he breathed heavily, chest heaving up and down.
He just stared in awe, not even knowing what to make of that, as he breathed heavily.
" your sick, " Sieun responded underneath his breath, still positioned on top of Seongje, panting in and out.
Seongje let out a slight laugh.
He sighed, and then looked back up at Sieun, eyes narrowed on him.
" you're enjoying this, " Seongje said, gaze locked on Sieun as he eyed him up and down.
Sieun immediately felt a shiver creep up his spine, as he heard Seongje say those words.
In a way, he was right ---
he was enjoying it, every second of it. He desired to see Seongje's face all messed up, all beaten. However, hearing Seongje admit it made him annoyed, in a way.
After a few seconds of silence and heavy breathing, Seongje then said something that heightened the burning sensation within Sieun ,
that completely shifted the air around them.
He caught Seongje's gaze shift from his eyes, towards his lower body---specifically, his waist. He then smiled as he tilted his head.
" hm, you got hard while I was beating you, " he muttered, returning his gaze to Sieun, with a smirk lined across his face.
Almost simultaneously, Sieun's body jerked backwards when he just, barely, caught Seongje raise one of his hands up---noticeably towards his lower body. His eyes widened, gasping inaudibly, when he felt him suddenly run his hand along his crotch, sliding it upwards against the thing fabric, pressing his fingers down, against it, slowly.
Sieun immediately felt his face grow hot. In the matter of seconds, he brought one of his hands down, and without any hesitation, shoved it away, breathing heavily.
That phrase---that sudden action---alone, felt like a shot in the chest. It shocked him, as he kneeled there heaving back and forth, completely dumbfounded. But his eyes grew wide at such a statement, still panting back and forth as he still felt as if he was boiling.
If he was going to be honest, he didn't really know what to say. His mind felt so fuzzy at the moment---it was as if he couldn't generate the right reply, so he went ahead and said something simple.
" so? " he said, mixed with heavy pants, looking down at Seongje.
Seongje scoffed.
" just didn't think the drug would rub you that way, " Seongje replied, eyes narrowed on Sieun with a smirk lined across his face.
Sieun was confused, but tried to conceal it. His mind was hazy, yet still filled to the brim with questions.
" wh-- what was it supposed to do? " he muttered, still positioned on top of Seongje's waist.
Seongje made an expression that almost looked like he rolled his eyes, but Sieun wasn't sure.
" you really are fucking innocent, " he muttered underneath his breath, eyeing him up and down.
Sieun stared blankly at him, eager to understand what Seongje was trying to make out.
" what do you think a guy like me would do to someone like you? --- you're pretty, your bossy, and so fucking punchable it's unbearable, " he muttered, eyes locked on Sieun.
He was still confused, but he felt like he was kind of, barely, piecing everything together.
" you wanted to-- make me sleep, " he said in a questioning tone, his words slightly slurred, coming out as nothing but breathes.
Seongje exhaled with a smile, clicking his tongue by the slightest.
" you can put it that way, but you can't blame me for wanting to see your pathetic face choke on my dick, " he muttered underneath his breath, as he stared at Sieun, eyes locked on him.
▪︎
There it was again.
The shiver creeped up his spine once again, causing his breath to hitch, his stomach to sink, in the matter of seconds.
In a way, it all made sense now. Even though he was high on drugs, his mind was capable of putting some of the pieces together. Seongje wanted revenge, but apparently not the kind of revenge everybody thinks of. He wanted to make Sieun vulnerable, see him weak---in other words.
As he spaced out for a few seconds, he finally returned to reality when he heard Seongje's lighter click---the sharp metal sound shredding through the silence that hung over them. He returned his gaze to Seongje to see him resting a cigarette between his fingers, in his mouth, using his other hand to light it.
Seongje lit the cigarette, took a drag, and exhaled the smoke in Sieun's gaze, making him squint. Sieun was generally annoyed by such an action, but the sight made him curious. Seongje was always using cigarettes whenever he saw him---at school, passing alleys, now.
" why do you always need something in your mouth, " he asked, blankly looking at Seongje whilst he slowly took a drag, below him.
Seongje immediately looked to face Sieun, and judging by his face, he must've not knew what he was getting at.
" what? " he said under his breath, eye brows lifted, almost offended.
" it's like you always need a cigarette in your mouth, " he clarified, eyes locked between Seongje's eyes and his mouth.
Seongje scoffed.
He was about to say something, until Sieun made a move that surprised them both.
Worse, though, was he didn't even know what made him do it, in the first place.
Without any thought, whatsoever, Sieun moved his arm forward and slid two of his fingers inside of Seongje's mouth, making him grunt in response.
Sieun moved up a bit, against his waist, to reach a bit better, as well, still positioned atop of Seongje.
Seongje immediately gave him a confused look, his eyes wide and focused on him.
" suck, " Sieun muttered at a low tone, fixated on Seongje, as he breathed heavily.
Seongje's expression immediately went from confused, to comfortable, as his eyes relaxed and looked at Sieun's hand---at his fingers that were now directly inside of him mouth, brushing passed his warm lips.
Almost immediately, he complied, pressing his mouth down, sucking against his fingers. Sieun let out a small gasp, not hearable over his heavy breathes.
The warmth of his mouth against him, felt undeniably good---it almost soothed the boiling feeling within him.
He could feel Seongje's wet, yet soft tongue rubbing up against his fingers, running along the sides, making him shudder by the slightest. All doing so, he was staring at Sieun the whole time, practically eyefucking him.
After about a minute or so, he slid his fingers out, a line of saliva trailing it.
Seongje let out a slight laugh, rolling his tongue against his teeth. As he focused on the wetness of his fingers, his hazy mind couldn't help but think of, him---of Seongje, below him; of the things he said, the words that came directly out of his mouth.
He turned his head back to look at his waist, and looked back at Seongje. Repositioning back towards Seongje's lower body, he focused on the view infront of him---below him.
He didn't even know what it was.
He didn't know if it was the drug making feel this way, or if he was just embracing a new feeling, but the situation as a whole made him feel---he couldn't even describe it. Intimate? Desperate?
And he was sure Seongje felt the same, too. So without a thought, the words managed to slip out of his mouth, in the matter of seconds.
" unzip your pants, " he muttered underneath his breath, eyes locked on Seongje.
Seongje immediately looked up at him, completely shocked for a few seconds. There was no question, whether or not he was shocked, though. Hearing those words---the words thaf came directly out of him---made him still ; made him feel something rising in his lower body.
But without even questioning the words that had just come out of Sieun's mouth, he obeyed in seconds, as his eyes fluttered between his waist and Sieun's eyes.
He took brought both of his hands up to his lower body as he hastily unzipped his pants, pulling them down a bit so that his boxers were visible, resting them just below his crotch.
Sieun looked down to see an unmistakable view---Seongje was hard, the bulge peaking through his black boxers. So it was true---fighting with him, was turning him on.
And in the matter of seconds, he lowered his hand, as he placed it along the fabric of the boxers, and began rubbing back and forth, moving his hand against him, gaze facing towards Seongje.
Even though he wasn't even barely touching him yet, it seemed enough to make him see star, just by the way he was reacting. He immediately craned his head back, looking towards the ceiling, as he breathed heavily, occasionally looking back to face Sieun.
However, his gaze shifted towards the view below him when he felt Seongje's grip against him---when he brought one of his hands up, placing it against Sieun's hand, gripping it tightly as he seemed to be urging him to go, faster. His grip tightened around his hand as Sieun continued moving, without a thought.
" mh, right there, " Seongje muttered in between a faint groan, letting out ragged breathes as he gripped his hand, tightly.
And he could just barely, feel Seongje shifting ; could feel him moving his lower body, slightly rocking his hips back and forth, slowly thrusting his waist against Sieun's hand.
But after half a minute or so, he finally came to a halt, as he hooked his hand around the waistband and pulled his boxers down, revealing how hard Seongje truly was. Seongje's hand that was previously against his fell down beside them, resting against the wooden floor.
Then, almost immediately, he began rolling his hand up and down, running it against him, which seemed to drag a noise out of Seongje's throat.
Obviously, he's never actually done anything like this to anyone before, not even close---but he got the idea that it was basically the same as how masterbation worked, at least.
But turns out, that was all it took for Seongje.
After a few faint groans and ragged breathes, he came abruptly, making Sieun's breath hitch. He felt a warm splatter against his hand, but he looked down just to confirm. Hand still, he then faced Seongje, whose head was leaned back, facing the ceiling as he panted back and forth. He then craned his head forward, seemingly just as shocked as Sieun was about how fast he came, in the matter of seconds.
" fuck, . " he muttered in a whisper, leaning his head against the wood floor, closing his eyes as he brought one of his hands up to run it through his hair.
Sieun looked at Seongje blankly, his mind racing, trying to understand why he was feeling this way.
Seongje let out a small laugh, groaning as he leaned his head back against the wood floor.
He then proceeded to grab another cigarette from his pocket, and place it within his mouth. As he was about to light it, Sieun suddenly stopped him from doing so, grabbing the lighter out of his hand and throwing it across the room.
Seongje immediately looked up at him, his expression dropping.
" stop smoking, " Sieun said, kneeling above Seongje, genuinely annoyed by him.
However, as he locked eyes with Seongje, he couldnt help but focus on---his mouth.
The warmth, the softness, and the soothing feeling that he gave him, hit him hard against the chest, shredding through him. He wanted it---wanted to feel it, and admitting it hurt so bad.
Seongje scoffed, with an annoyed tone.
" i don't give a f--- " Seongje proceeded to say, until he got punched in the face by Sieun.
Seongje groaned, closing his eyes as his gaze faced to the side. He placed his hand against the area that was hit, letting out low grunts.
Finally, he opened his eyes for a brief second, closed them, and immediately opened them back up when he realized that Sieun's waist was right infront of his face.
He was kneeling above Seongje's chest, positioned on top of him, gazing down at him.
Seongje looked as if he was in a trance --- staring at the view directly infront of him, until he finally slowly looked up at Sieun, his eyes narrowed.
He then looked back at his waist, and without a question, immediately began hastily unzipping his pants. Seongje had a barely noticeable grin lined across of his face whilst doing so---he was honestly pleased to see that he wasn't the only one who was feeling the same way.
He then pulled down his pants a bit, and then proceeded to hook his fingers around his boxers and pull them down. His length was now right infront of his mouth, practically grazing against his warm lips.
Without any warning, whatsoever, he placed his hand on Sieun's waist and slid his mouth onto him, moving back and forth in the matter of seconds.
Sieun immediately gasped, and even though he tried to conceal it by placing his hand against his mouth, he let out a faint moan.
He felt Seongje smile as he slid his head back and forth. Sieun couldn't even describe the feeling---obviously, it was his first time feeling something like, this---so it melted him, exploded throughout his entire body.
As did with his fingers, the wetness and warmth of his mouth soothed the boiling sensation within him, making him feel as if he could collapse any second.
Seongje continued moving back and forth, attempting to go deeper, but failing due to his sensitive gag reflex. Sieun could feel him tightly gripping onto his waist in front of him. He couldn't help but let out faint moans here and there, followed by heavy breathes.
" watch your teeth, " he muttered quietly, in between hard breathes.
Seongje made a moan in reply, which immediately, set off a chain reaction within Sieun.
It reverberated throughout his entire body, causing him to gasp and drag a loud noise out of his throat. He felt like collapsing, and almost did, but gripped Seongje's head to steady himself.
This only made him lean in closer, pushing deeper into his mouth, which only made him grunt and lean back because of his gag reflex, closing his eyes.
Sieun let out a sigh, panting heavily.
" just let me do it, " he muttered, staring down at Seongje's narrowed eyes.
He gripped Seongje's messy, yet soft hair, as he ran his fingers through it, not even taking a second to think as he began sliding himself back and forth inside of his mouth.
Seongje remained still, relaxing his head as Sieun held it up. He closed his eyes, trying to get used to the feeling, despite his jaw feeling sore.
Sieun's view was a blur.
Topped with the feeling of the moment and, of course, the drug, his vision was hazy. He focused on Seongje, though---he could see his arm shuddering by the slightest, a cigarette still between his fingers.
He continued gripping Seongje's hair tightly, rolling his hips back and forth, in and out of his mouth. He was notably getting closer, the tension boiling up inside of him, causing him to speed up a bit.
This in return only made Seongje let out muffled grunts occasionally. For Sieun, he couldnt conceal himself---he was breathing heavily, like he just ran a marathon, letting out faint moans in between.
And after at least a minute or so, he couldn't take it anymore---the softness and wetness of Seongje's mouth made him feel as if he were about to faint. He knew he was close.
" swallow, i don't--- " he said, his words slurred and mixed with muffled moans and heavy breathes.
He gripped Seongje's head tightly as he slid himself into his mouth, coming in the matter of seconds.
He let out a loud noise in response. Seongje tensed his eyes, trying to resist his reflex, urging Sieun to push his waist back.
He then dragged himself out of his mouth, hastily standing up to zip up his pants as his panted heavily, but almost stumbling, as he felt as if he were on the verge of collapsing.
He held one hand against a nearby pillar as he did so.
Seongje remained on the floor, facing the ceiling as he rubbed his hand against his jaw, grunting softly.
" shit, . " he muttered in a whisper, as he slowly turned to face Sieun.
He held his arm against the wall, staring into the distance as he breathed heavily, his vision starting to become unmistakably blurry, and his limbs feeling weak.
And just like that, in the matter of seconds, he collapsed---of course, when Seongje wasn't expecting him to. Everything after that was pitch black.
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| 11 : 46 P M
Seongje turned his head to face Sieun, collapsed on the floor, as he heard the wooden ground creak from the impact.
Still on the floor, he groaned as he used his arms to push him up.
" fuck, " he muttered, now standing above Sieun's lifeless looking body.
He examined him, still trying to comprehend Sieun's actions. He was initially planning on taking the lead, but Sieun seemed to do otherwise, making him curious.
" hm, must be a virgin " he murmurred to himself, still standing above Sieun.
It was already almost midnight, and obviously, he couldnt just leave him there, lifeless on the floor. Luckily, he knew his address---got it from a 'friend,' at least.
He groaned as he knelt down to grab Sieun by his upper body, throwing him over his shoulder. Surprisingly, he felt pretty light, as his head dangled just beside Seongje's face. He gripped his arms tightly, as he began hauling him over to the stairs, leading towards the exit.
Once he hit the top of the stairs, Sieun now clinging to him weakly, he already started breathing heavily. He paused for a moment, hastily taking out his phone of his pocket with his left hand, the right holding Sieun across his shoulder.
Using his phone with one hand, he hastily opened the navigation app, clicked Sieun's address---which was of course, in his recently searched---and navigated to it.
" five minutes, " he muttered in a groan, sighing.
He then placed his phone back into his pocket, and began walking down the sidewalk, through dimly lit side streets, making his way towards Sieun's appartment.
Occasionally, as Sieun's head hanged low, he would let out faint groans, all groggy, from the drug.
But for Seongje, it was, weird.
In a way, he was taking care of Sieun, doing somwthing like this---something that he never would've thought he'd be doing, in the first place. Feeling Sieun's warm body brush up against his, move at some points, was a new feeling. He couldn't stop thinking about what he did, though. This guy, now slumped over his shoulder, fast asleep, had the audacity to---do something like this? To use his words, mutter the words out directly above him ; to position himself above him, not even taking a second thought to grip his hair, continuesly pushing himself forward. He grinned as he looked at the floor, sighing.
Three minutes passed, then four, as he reached the appartment complex.
The whole time he was walking, he was just contemplating, trying to wrap his head around Sieun's actions.
He grunted as he began walking up the stairs, almost out of breath from hauling him all this way. When he reached the top, he sighed, catching his breath.
Now walking over towards Sieun's room number, he stopped, infront of his door.
He didn't expect his door to be open when he placed his hand against the handle, but oddly, it was, as he used his left hand to open the handle.
He let out a slight scoff.
" the fuck? " he muttered to himself, under his breath.
Who leaves their door open this late?
He walked inside, scanning the clean room for his bedroom---or his bed, at least. As he saw it, he walked over to it, now standing above the bed below him. Sieun still resting across his upper body, he then slowly pulled him off his shoulder, lowering him down onto the bed.
Sieun groaned by the slightest, his eyes closed tightly. Seongje almost flinched, shuddered by the slightest, when he felt Sieun lazily grip the arm that helped him down onto the bed. His gaze shifted below him, staring in awe, as Sieun's grip seemed to tigthen softly against his arm, making him still.
After a few seconds at least, Sieun's grip gradually loosened, his hand slipping down against his arm, falling down slowly as it hit the soft mattress, resting by his side.
Completely dumbfounded, Seongje was now towering over him, as his gaze shifted once he caught the piece of bedding lying below him. Without a thought, he pulled the blanket up to his chest.
And god---it felt so weird, acting all 'caring' towards someone. He tried not to cringe.
He laid there, lifeless, on the bed, as Seongje watched above him. He examined him carefully, narrowing his eyes by the slightest, watching him breath softly as his mouth hung open, his chest rising and falling slowly. He looked so, peaceful? So calm---and seeing him this way wasn't an everyday thing, as he always either looked annoyed, angry, or on the verge of picking a fight with someone.
It was so uncanny, that it didn't even feel real, like he was in a dream.
At that moment, though, something lit up in him, consumed him, as he stared down at Sieun in awe.
Obviously, he was obsessed with him, has been ever since the first time they fought, in the bathroom. But seeing Sieun like this? Seeing him below him, seemed to mesmerize him.
And there was no doubt, that his mind was filled to the brim with questionable thoughts. Seeing Sieun lifeless---like this at least---was, indescribable, as he could feel himself gradually getting, hard. He wished he could just climb ontop of him, drag him closer, dig his fingers into his sides and pull him close---smell him, taste him, feel him--- But no ; obviously, he wasn't that insane.
After seemingly being in a trance, staring down at Sieun, he finally came back to reality when Sieun shifted slightly against the bed, letting out a soft moan.
' god he even moans in his sleep, ' he thought to himself.
But he needed to stop watching.
He needed to get away from him before he did anything. It felt like he was luring him in, hypnotising him by the second.
So, he turned around and began walking towards the door, opened it slowly, and closing it, walking back towards the stairwell he came from.
His mind was spinning, filled to the brim with endless amounts of thoughts ,
and Sieun, was at the center of it
| 12 : 01 P M
☆
Notes:
I'm revising all the chaps rnn!!
Let me know if you can spot the differences lol <3
feedback is always appreciated!
♡ ♡
Chapter Text
☆
| 8 : 04 A M
Sieun sat in his desk as the teacher lectured, his head drooping by the slightest due to his tired he felt.
Every minute, every second, he felt like closing his eyes---it felt so good to do so. But he knew he couldnt, obviously ; he had to focus.
But overall, school went by surprisingly fast, despite how horrible he felt.
Then came cram school, which went by pretty fast, too. Sieun was undeniably anxious to get home, to fall onto his mattress, to feel the plush bed beneath him, and relax---and he felt as if he could sleep for days, on days.
Finally, the bell rang at six PM, and the loud sounds of zipping and ruffling filled the classroom as the students around him began hastily heading for the door.
After packing up, Sieun was the last one out, following the others. Usually, at this point, he would put his ear buds in and listen to music, but he honestly, at this point, didn't care. He was too tired, too desperate to get back home and sleep.
He walked down the stairs lining the cram school, focusing his gaze infront of him, the sky surrounded with clouds and dark as ever.
As he made it to the floor and began walking against the concrete, a nearby whistle caught his attention.
He honestly didn't really care much about it, but he still glanced to his right to atleast see who it came from.
But his eyes immediately grew wide, as he came to a halt, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk as noisy students walked passed, brushing passed his side.
Not too far away from him, leaning up against the wall---all ominous---was a silhouette directly facing him. He couldn't see the face, he didn't need to see it, and he could feel the figure staring deep into him, piercing through him.
Without any doubt, he immediately knew who it was, as he didn't even take a second to hesitate jumping to conclusions.
Sieun just stood there for a few seconds, his breath hitched, almost as if he were stuck in a trance.
Then it all came back ,
hitting against his mind like a tsunami. He didn't even remember it, until now---not even at his appartment, not even at class. But seeing Seongje right infront of his line of sight hit him like a bullet, and everything started rushing back from the night before. The dimly lit bowling alley, the messy fighting, the things he did.
Now that he even thought of it, it didn't even seem like him---it felt like he was another person last night, especially judging by his actions.
He blamed it on the drug that he'd been given, unknowingly.
But after processing all of that information, all those lingering thoughts, Sieun came back to his senses when Seongje made a gesture with his head, motioning for Sieun to follow him. He unfolded his crossed leg, leaned off the wall, and began walking the opposite way that Sieun was planning on taking.
If he were going to be honest, he wasn't sure what to do.
He wanted to go home, so bad, that it hurt just thinking about it. But seeing Seongje only made him more annoyed, more infuriated, at the sight.
So, after a few seconds standing still, he began following Seongje from not too far behind, trailing him in silence, clenching his fists by the slightest.
▪︎
Seongje walked all casually, too, like he didn't have a care in the world---head up high, hands draped in his pockets. Of course, he was wearing a windbreaker once again, only reminding him more of yesterday.
They walked in silence, for about a minute or so, until Seongje turned into a dimly lit alley, probably with only one busted out streetlight that barely illuminated the area.
Once they were halfway through the alley, Seongje stopped, close to the wall, and turned his entire body to face Sieun, behind him.
Of course, he was giving him that look, eyeing him as if he was about to eat him whole, swallow every piece of him.
This only annoyed Sieun, as he hastily took off his backpack and threw it at his stomach, putting in all his strength. His expression was filled with frustration, as he glared at Seongje.
Seongje, likely not expecting anything along the lines of, that, grunted as he felt the impact, then grabbing his backpack and throwing it aside. He looked down at the backpack beside him, and back up to lock eyes with Sieun.
All he did was let out a slight laugh, as he walked up over towards Sieun and, in the matter of seconds, proceeded to grab him strongly by his shirt and shove him against the wall. Seongje then pinned his arms down, gripping his wrists tightly, pressing him firmlg against the wall, as he stood infront of Sieun, eyeing him.
Sieun, trying to break free from his grasp, writhed in front on Seongje, twisting his wrists in his grasp.
" the hell was that for? " Seongje said suddenly, staring down at Sieun, eyes narrowed with a faint smile lined across his face.
Sieun sighed, annoyed of his position and the way that Seongje always made him feel lower than him. He struggled and tried to break free from him, but Seongje's strength didn't even let him budge, not even close.
" what do you want, i need to get back to my appartment, " he said blankly, with an annoyed tone as he looked up at Seongje.
Seongje scoffed.
" a thank you would be nice? " he said , tilting his head, his tone tinted with annoyance.
Sieun looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed, confused.
" wh-- what should i be thanking you for? " he grunted, staring at Seongje, annoyance starting to boil over.
Seongje exhaled sharply, as he rolled his eyes by the slightest.
" were you not wondering at all how you magically appeared in you're room? on your bed? " he continued, his voice growing less ragged.
He groaned, craning his head upwards as he faced Sieun once again. Judging by his face, Sieun was still confused---turns out, he must've not remembered anything that happened after he passed out, not a single thing.
" i carried you all the way back to your little appartment, so be fucking greatful ok? " he continued.
He raised up an arm as he began rubbing his right shoulder with one of his hands, wincing.
" my shoulder's all sore now because of you, " he grunted, looking all pitiful, obviously trying to make Sieun feel 'sorry' for him.
Sieun just stared, annoyed with how Seongje was acting, but he had to admit, that was very---different, of him to do such a thing, to not leave him passed out on the floor of a bowling alley, which definitely seemed like something he would've done.
" thank you. " he muttered quietly under his breath, as he saw Seongje's eyes light up at those words.
He then turned his head to look behind Seongje, his gaze locked on his backpack, lying against the concrete floor.
He let out a shallow sigh.
" are we done? " he said sternly, turning to face Seongje once again.
Seongje immediately let out a scoff, mixed with a subtle laugh.
" oh-- so we're just going to forget about the little encounter we had yesterday? " he said with a mocking tone, tilting his head by the slightest.
He stilled at those words.
Hearing him mention it, immediately sent a shiver down his spine, suspending his breath for a few seconds. His eyes fluttered away from Seongje's, trying to figure out where to look, to somehow ease the feeling.
" hm, remind me . . what you did again? " Seongje said with a mocking, questioning tone, glaring down at Sieun.
Sieun was silent, his breath starting to become ragged, as he felt his face grow hot. What kind of question is that? Obviously, he wasnt going to answer, as he remained frozen.
After a few seconds of ambience---the street light buzzing, the wind whistling, cars passing in the distance---Seongje finally broke the silence with a faint sigh.
" fine, ill remind you " he said, his voice low as Sieun could feel him staring intensely at him, leaning slightly closer---close enough to make the tension spike, in the matter of seconds.
He couldn't even look at him.
" let's see-- you shoved your dick down my throat, fucked m--" Seongje began slowly, to then be cut off by Sieun.
" i was drugged, " Sieun protested, letting out a frustrated sigh.
Seongje paused for a moment, staring at Sieun, until he burst out laughing.
His head fell down, putting a confused look on Sieun. How could, that, possibly be funny to him.
After a few seconds of nothing but faint laughs fading into breathes, Seongje finally returned his gaze to Sieun, and let out a deep sigh, clicking his tongue.
Sieun locked eyes with him, still annoyed, confused.
" fuck-- your so funny sieun, but you don't need to lie to me " he muttered, still letting out muffled laughs.
However, his expression immediately dropped, turning serious in the matter of seconds---his eyes locking on Sieun's. It startled him, almost made him flinch, at how fast Seongje could switch emotions.
Seongje then stepped closer towards Sieun, still pinning him down by the wrists after all this time. He faced Sieun directly, their faces not too far apart. He was so close that Sieun could even smell his scent---the cologne reeking from him, the faint smell of cigarettes---and Sieun had to admit, he smelled good.
He looked at Seongje, brows furrowed.
Eyes locked on one another, Seongje broke the silence once again.
" you really think you did all of that, because of the drug? that's cute, " he said slowly, his voice tinted with a tone that made Sieun still.
Still staring at Sieun, he proceeded to lower one of his hands that was pinning him down, and slide it on Sieun's warm neck, gripping tightly, making Sieun gasp inaudibly.
He watched in awe, as he didn't even know how to react.
" yesterday i let you use me, but that's only because i went easy on you, " he muttered, eyes narrowed on Sieun, noticeably close.
He then leaned in towards Sieun, and moved his head within the crevice between his head and shoulder.
Sieun exhaled, as he felt their bodies pressed against one another---Seongje brushing up, against him.
" ill make sure that never happens again, " Seongje whispered into his ear, causing Sieun to shiver softly.
God---he wanted to move ; to shove him away, to pull Seongje off of him ; punch him, break him.
But he couldn't.
And he didn't know what was stopping him---maybe it was the fact he's never been touched like this before, or even had an interaction like this. All in all, he decided not to intervene, and just let it happen, almost frozen, in a way.
▪︎
For Seongje, his insides were on fire, boiling over each second that passed---he felt like he was about to explode.
Being this close to Sieun, it felt---he couldn't even describe it, as he could feel his entire body growing hot by the second, his lower body already starting to build up tension.
His head now right infront of Sieun's side, as he kept his gaze locked on his neck. The faint light coming from the street light shined down on it, making it look as if it were glowing---hypnotizing him, drawing him in.
And at this point, he couldn't even hold back.
Seongje then shifted his head down, and without any warning, whatsoever, he bit down on the side of his neck, digging his teeth into his smooth skin.
Sieun immediately groaned, stunned by such an action. It hurt, and even stung for a few seconds. But luckily, it wasn't deep enough to draw blood, at least.
" wh-- what are y-- " Sieun grunted, confused by Seongje's actions.
But then, he felt Seongje begin slowly licking his neck, dragging his wet, yet soft tongue along his skin. Sieun immediately let out a shallow exhale, making Seongje smile in response. It was a, weird, feeling---having your neck licked by someone, especially someone like him, but it was undeniably good.
" you taste so fucking good, " Seongje muttered quietly underneath his breath, his lips still pressed against Sieun's skin, making him shudder when he felt the vibrations hit against him.
But if licking wasn't enough, already, he then started sucking against his neck, pressing his warm lips down on his skin, and sucking for a few seconds or so---repeating all over.
Sieun couldn't conceal it, even though he tried, and responded by letting out a shallow moan---loud enough for Seongje to hear, though.
" you like that? " Seongje purred quietly into his ear, then continuing to suck the areas around his neck.
And god, his voice---it sent shivers down his spine, making him still, making his stomach drop in the matter of seconds. The way he talked into his ear was so---he didn't even know how to describe it, but it made him feel, weak.
He felt guilty, though. Why was he letting him do this---letting someone like him, do this.
This guy, who he fought with, who beat up his friends---he was letting him do this to him. He tried to push it all away, and focus only on the feeling, but it proved difficult.
Sieun moved his head back against the wall.
And without even thinking about it, he did it again.
He did something that didn't feel like something he'd do, that felt like a whole different person. It was like it was almost like an instinct, like he was supposed to do it, but either way, he did it without any hesitation whatsoever.
He then craned his head upwards, leaning back against the wall as he let out shallow breathes, exposing his neck more for Seongje to continue 'playing' with. Doing so, he then took his free hand and placed it on Seongje's head, running his fingers through his soft hair, pushing him closer.
Seongje was honestly surprised to see what he was doing---he thought he'd be more stubborn, more anxious, but turns out he had the audacity to practically beg for more.
Of course, this only turned him on.
" never would've thought you'd be this desperate, " he muttered underneath his breath, near Sieun's ear.
Seconds passed, as he continued sucking and licking at Sieun's neck. Almost shuddering at the sudden action, Sieun then felt Seongje slowly slip his hand underneath the hem of his shirt, running it along the smooth skin that lined his waist, along his chest, groping him as he did so. He closed his eyes at the feeling---of his touch.
Sieun's breath was now ragged, letting out exhales, that could probably even be classified as moans depending how you looked at them. He faced the sky, closing his eyes periodically, as he gripped Seongje's hair.
After licking and running his tongue around the side of Sieun's neck for about a minute or so he then moved his head to face Sieun. Now, he focused on the front of his neck, as he ran his tongue along Sieun's skin, sucking periodically. And god, he couldn't get enough.
Although Sieun tried not to think about it, he could feel himself graduallg growing---hard---which made him feel weird, knowing that Seongje was the cause.
As if he had somehow sensed it, Seongje then slowly pulled back to face Sieun, their faces seemingly close as Sieun could feel the warmth of Seongje's breath hitting his.
Seongje then looked down, notably at Sieun's waist, and slid his hand down along his chest to grip it. He then moved in closer, tightening the space between him and Sieun, and began doing something that made Sieun melt, in the matter of seconds.
Without any hesitation, he started rubbing himself against Sieun---pressing his lower body tightly against him, pushing his waist firmly against his, rolling his hips back and forth.
" wh-- wait, . " he tried to protest, but the words ended up fading into nothing but a ragged breath.
It was too much---too much to the point where he couldn't even conceal it, so he ended up letting out a soft moan, followed by ragged exhales.
That immediately caught Seongje's attention, as he looked up to face Sieun, watching as his head leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. The arm once gripping Seongje's head now fell to his side, completely weak from the sensation.
At this point, Seongje was now practically dry humping Sieun, getting off of the friction between them, between the rough fabric of their pants.
There was no doubt, that it felt good. It put Sieun on edge, exhaling heavily from the way Seongje was pressing so firmly---the way he was pushing himself, rubbing himself against him.
Whilst doing so, he then leaned close into Sieun's face, and began running his tongue along the side of his face, sucking down periodically.
It didn't take long for Sieun to notice that Seongje was seemingly getting closer and closer to his lips, which almost, scared him in a way.
" fuck, if anyone saw me doing this, i'd fucking murder you, " Seongje muttered, inbetween ragged breathes, as he continued sucking down, pressing his lips against his skin.
" physco, . " Sieun muttered, as he breathed heavily, the word barely slipping out of his mouth.
Seongje then positioned to directly face Sieun, and just as he expected, began slowly, running his tongue along his lips, as if he was urging to get inside.
With his mouth closed, all Sieun could do was let out muffled moans, as he tried to refrain from letting Seongje enter his mouth, breathing through heavily through his nose.
" what was that? couldn't hear you, " Seongje purred quietly onto his lips, making them tingle from the vibrations.
Despite hesitation, he slowly opened his mouth, before he was immediately cut off by Seongje.
As if it were a trap, Seongje immediately took advantage and slipped his tongue inside of Sieun's mouth, pressing his warm lips against his, dragging a noise out of Sieun's throat.
Seongje was now kissing him---although, it wasn't really classified as a kiss. He could feel his tongue breaching into his mouth, pushing deeper and deeper as if it were wrapped around Sieun's.
Sieun was melting by the second. He felt like he was on the verge of collapsing.
Then, he felt Seongje's hand crawl up his chest, sliding slowly across his skin, and press firmly against his nipple, rubbing his finger against it in circular motions, slowly, making Sieun groan in his mouth.
At this point, Sieun couldn't even take it anymore, his body couldn't handle it. Seongje was arousing him so well, so precisely, it was insane. It was almost like he had knew him, before---knew where all of his sweet spots were. He played with him as if he was playing with a piano, pressing his keys precisely and perfectly.
In other words, he was being overwhelmed---Seongje's intoxicating thrusts against his crotch, his touches, his tongue---it all felt too much for him, which he would soon learn.
Seongje pushed deeper into Sieun's mouth, practically running his tongue down his throat at this point. Sieun was groaning, moaning as he did so, all muffled. He closed his eyes hard, gripping Seongje's baggy jacket, as his body began to slightly tremble.
Then, all of a sudden, his limbs felt weak. He began trembling, hard, practically shaking.
And in the matter of seconds ,
he immediately collapsed, to the floor, breathes ragged as he leaned against the wall, holding the ground to steady himself.
Seongje laughed faintly, towering above him. He looked down at him, eyeing him the same way as before.
" fuck newbie-- i'm never gonna get bored of you, " he said underneathhisbreath, as he let out a slight laugh.
And after that, he started walking away, leaving the alley from the way they entered.
▪︎
Sieun remained on the floor, leaning against the wall, still comprehending what had just happened.
He breathed heavily back and forth, his vision slightly blurry. It scared him, sent shivers down his spine. Seongje has never even touched him before, despite during physical combat or the fights they've had in the past. Yet, it was like he knew his body, so well?
After sitting there, halfway on the floor, deep in his thoughts, he finally got up and steadied himself. Until he got up, he totally forgot how tired he was, as he leaned down to grab his backpack, which was thrown against Seongje.
He sighed, and began leaving the alley, walking back to his home, taking the route he should've taken before.
When he finally arrived at his apartment, he was completely exhausted. He threw his backpack to the side, slumped down against his bed, and immediately fell asleep.
However, Seongje was still at the tip of his mind, somehow always invading his thoughts.
Sleep arrived, as the world around him drowned out.
☆
| Thursday -- 9 : 03 PM
Sieun hadn't counted the days that passed since their last encounter ; he tried not to think about it, to leave it in the back of his mind---but somehow, it just kept crawling back to him, constantly reminding him.
All aside, though, about two days at most had passed since it happened.
It was now Thursday night, and just like every night, he was at his dimly lit desk, air pods in, studying attentively.
He wrote down notes on his paper, looked back up at his laptop, wrote notes, and so on.
All of a sudden, although slightly muffled from audio playing directly into his ear, he heard his phone ringing to the right of him, lying face down against his desk.
He glanced over, and took his air pods out, placing them down against the wood. He then picked up his phone and looked at the screen.
[ Unknown Caller ] - the screen showed.
Sieun had a confused look. Who would be calling him at nine PM?
All aside, he decided to answer, holding the phone up to his ear.
" hello? " he said blankly, no emotion whatsoever.
Then, he heard breathing---honestly, it wasn't really breathing, it was more like panting.
It was raspy, ragged, as if this person had just ran a one hundred mile marathon and was leff gasping for air.
" what are you doing, " a familiar voice said, the words almost a mumble due to the heavy breathes.
Sieun felt goosebumps arise all over him. He stopped breathing for a few seconds, after figuring out who this "Unknown Caller" was.
Of course, it was Seongje, breathing like a lunatic into his ear.
Sieun was so confused ; he wanted to ask what he was doing, but he refrained from doing so.
" studying, " he replied blankly underneath his breath, after a few seconds.
" mm, . " Seongje mumbled quietly, making Sieun's heart best faster.
He continued breathing heavily, Sieun still confused about what was going on.
" i can't stop looking at the picture of you, " Seongje muttered, his words slurred by the slightest.
Sieun was confused, dumbfounded. There had only been one photo he remembered Seongje took of him, unless there were, others?
" wh-- the one from the bathroom? " he replied blankly, not knowing what else to say.
" yeah, . " Seongje whispered, barely even a breath.
" you look so, " he began, but then ended up letting out a deep sigh rather than finishing his sentence.
Sieun's breath hitched. It didn't make sense at first, why Seongje was breathing so breathlessly, so loud. But he understood now---atleast, he thought he did.
" are you-- " he began, but then stopped, because he didn't even know how to say it.
It was such a weird question, he's never asked anyone something that personal before, so it felt---weird.
" finish your sentence, " Seongje mumbled after a few seconds of silence, in between ragged breathes.
He could feel his face turn red, the heat radiating in the matter of seconds. He didn't know what to say, couldn't find the words, as he sat still, frozen.
Seongje's ragged breathes only distracted him, making his mind fuzzy.
" you're, getting off to my voice? " he said blankly, at a low tone.
Seongje let out a sigh, mixed with a slight laugh.
" maybe, " he muttered with a mocking tone, still continuing to let out heavy breathes.
Sieun didn't know how to feel, how to react.
Suddenly, he heard some ruffling noises pick up, and then started to hear something that made his stomach drop.
" hear that? " Seongje muttered, as wet noises began to pick up against the speaker.
His stomach sunk, as he sat still, eyes growing wide from what he was hearing---from the wet slicks that were picking up through the phone, the wet noises that seemed to grow louder, every second.
" that's all because of you, " he continued, with an erotic tone in his voice, barely even a breath.
Sieun felt frozen, he didn't move, didn't blink. Just let out exhales.
" your sick, . " he said underneath his breath, his face completely blank, almost a whisper.
Seongje then let out slight moan, making the hairs of Sieun's arm rise up.
" yeah? keep talking to me like that, " Seongje muttered, now letting out low groans in between his ragged breathes.
Sieun didnt want to admit it, he didn't even want to think about it.
But knowing what Seongje was doing, hearing his voice, he knew deep down inside, that it was turning him on. As he listened to Seongje's noises, he could even feel himself getting, hard, in the matter seconds.
After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathes, faint slicks picking up in the background, he stilled when he heard his voice, again.
" sieun, " Seongje suddenly muttered, coming out as nothing but a breath in between his ragged exhales.
He swallowed at that word---at that one word, that name, that came out of his mouth. This was probably one of the first times he heard him say his name, too---at least that he could remember. And the way he said it? The way his voice rolled it off of his tongue, the way it brushed passed his lips, made him still.
However, what came next, immediately made his stomach sink in the matter of seconds.
" let me hear you, " Seongje said underneath his breath, the words barely even hearable due to how ragged his voice was, topped with his heavy breathes.
His body immediately stilled, his breath hitching, as he held the phone beside his ear. He didn't even know what to do, either. What did he want to hear? What did he want him to do---his mind was racing.
Confusion taking over him, he managed to get a few words out, barely, before Seongje cut him off.
" wh-- i don't kn-- " he began, the words barely slipping out of his mouth, until Seongje stopped him.
" fuck just say something, " Seongje immediately muttered, coming out as nothing but a ragged breath in between a faint groan.
His mouth hung open slightly, completely dumbfounded, his mind spiralling. He tried to think of something to say, anything, but it was like he couldn't even function.
He froze when he heard the next words that came out of his mouth ---
the next three words, that came out as nothing but a heavy breath.
" say my name, " Seongje suddenly said, underneath his breath as he continued panting like a dog.
For some reason, a wave of, fear? A wave of fear spread through him, flowing through his body, attacking him all over, when he heard him say those words. He didn't even know why his body reacted like that, too---it was nothing more than three, straightforward words.
So despite hesitation, despite the fear that boiled inside him, the word---the name---managed to slip right out of his mouth.
" seongje, . " he said underneath his breath, the word barely escaping his lips, coming out as nothing but a shallow exhale.
But turns out, despite how quiet it seemed, it was enough for Seongje. A loud groan immediately picked up, piercing through the silence that hung over him.
After that, though, it mustve not been enough for him, as Seongje remained desperate, wanting more by the second---wanting to hear it again, over and over.
" say it again-- fuck, " he faintly groaned, in between heavy breathes that filled Sieun's mind with haze.
And without a question, Sieun did.
He said it again, over and over, whenever he asked him to. His mind was too clouded up to even push it away, as he sat still, frozen against his chair, holding the phone against his ear.
▪︎
He didn't know how long time had passed when Seongje started letting out deeper moans, faintly grunting at some points.
Sieun just sat on his desk chair, phone against his ear, frozen in a trance, as he listened to Seongje. He didn't know what else to do, didn't know what to say, didn't know if he should hang up.
" are you, . " Sieun asked blankly, having absolutely no clue what to say, breaking the silence.
" yes, fuck-- " Seongje muttered as he continued groaning deeply.
He heard Seongje growing louder and louder, shooting butterflies into Sieun's stomach.
And after a few seconds or so, based on Seongje's noises, he must've hit his climax.
His faint moans were the only thing Sieun could hear, as they gradually faded into shallow breathes.
" shit, sleep tight sieun, " Seongje muttered, exhaling sharply as he let out a muffled laugh.
Then, the call ended, prompting Sieun to turn back to reality and escape this trance he was stuck in.
He checked his clock.
| 9 : 31 PM
He was dumbfounded. Had it really been thirty minutes? Was he actually on that call for that long.
His mind was racing, filled full with too many thoughts that he decided not to continue studying, but just simply, go to bed.
So, he turned off his lights, walked over to his bed, and fell down onto it.
He tried to rest his mind, focus on nothing, but he, kept returning back into his head.
He couldn't stop thinking about him ; about his voice, his touch, his noises, his--- It was irritating him, but after a few minutes or so, he finally managed to drift away.
Darkness consumed him, and sleep arrived.
☆
Notes:
Revised this chapter!
hope u guys enjoyy
feedback is always appreciated! < 3
🫶🫶
Chapter Text
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| 9 : 23 A M
As always, Sieun was now in his classroom, sitting at his desk, watching the teacher as they lectured. He tilted his head up, wrote notes down, looked up, all simultaneously.
And like usual, he was wearing his uniform---his blazer. However, there was something different about him. Obviously, his school had a dress code, so he couldn't just casually wear a turtle neck or a hoodie to cover up the marks left by, him--- although, he probably wouldn't wear any of those, anyway.
So, he just resorted to using bandaids, small bandages that lined the sides of his neck, each one placed carefully around his neck to cover them up entirely.
He was focused, his mind locked on the teacher's lecture infront of him, until he heard faint whispers stretching from behind him.
They started off quiet, like they were across the room, but after a few seconds or so, they grew closer, seemingly inching towards him.
His expression was black, confused and distracted by such noises, as he tried to focus on the notebook below him.
But eventually, they grew closer, creeping up behind him, as he felt the student behind him tap his shoulder and hold out a small, folded paper beside his side.
" it's for you, " they said, behind him, leaning forward and waiting for Sieun to grab it.
Still confused, he looked back at the student, then the paper, and took it.
It was nothing much, just a small piece of white paper folded over probably a few times, enough to hide the message inside.
He exhaled, as he began unfolding the paper, having completely no idea what could possibly be inside.
Finally unfolded, he held the message right below his face, as he read the words in his mind :
| ' come to the bathroom '
Sieun immediately exhaled inaudbly. He didn't have time to spend trips going to the bathroom, much less leaving class during a lecture. And plus, who even wrote this? Was it one of his classmates? Maybe someone who had a grudge with him.
He crumpled the paper in his fist, as he then used his other hand to raise it.
The teacher looked over.
" Yes Sieun? " she said, mid lecture, as students began looking over, turning their heads to face him
" may i go to the bathroom, " he said blankly, still sitting in his chair.
The teacher sighed.
" Yes, but be quick, this lesson covers the exam we'll be having next friday. " she replied, her voice toned with worry.
Sieun nodded, as he stood up, and began making his way towards the door of the classroom. As he opened the door, he threw the crumpled paper in the trash, as annoyance began boiling inside of him by the second.
▪︎
After a few seconds, he reached the bathroom.
Obviously, there were multiple bathrooms at Eunjang, but he just assumed that they were talking about the one closet to his classroom. It would make sense, since they obviously had to of known what classroom he was in for the note to be sent.
He pushed open the bathroom door, walking inside, face blank with no emotion.
Almost immediately, he was hit hard with the strong whiff of smoke, the aroma filling the air, making the bathroom stuffy.
He tensed, as he turned the corner.
But as he turned the wall---he stopped, as his eyes grew wide.
Not too far from him, only a few feet ahead, leaning against the wall, was him---smoking all casual, right in front of him, like he owned the place.
Sieun's jaw clenched.
Since it was school hours, rather than wearing some baggy jacket, he was wearing his maroon colored uniform---the one he wore during their fight in the roof.
Seongje groaned, putting his cigarette out against the bathroom counter to his left, and then flicking it between his fingers, landing somewhere in the distance.
" took you fucking long enough, " he said, with an annoyed tone, as he faced Sieun.
Sieun looked blankly at him, completely frozen.
" what are you doing here, " Sieun said sternly, his fists tight.
Seongje smiled, letting out a muffled laugh, as he pushed himself off the wall and began slowly walking towards Sieun.
" just came to see my boyfriend, that's all " he said, with a mocking tone, his head tilted.
Boyfriend---that word repeated in Sieun's mind, confusing him. He pushed it aside, though.
" that note was from you? " he continued, his voice hoarse, annoyance taking over him.
Seongje let out a faint laugh, a smile curling across his face, his expression almost seeming as if he were, proud.
" yeah, slid it under the door while the teacher wasn't looking, " he replied, a grin lined across his face, as he inched closer and closer towards Sieun.
They were now face to face---Seongje standing above Sieun, eyes locked. Grinning down at him by the slightest, he broke the tension between them in the matter of seconds, as he made the first move.
Suddenly, he hastily grabbed Sieun's collar, gripped it tightly, and swung him into one of the nearby stalls, almost making him stumble at the action. Sieun grunted in response.
He then walked inside, hand still gripping his collar, and kicked the door shut beside him, making a loud click noise.
Hand tight on his shirt, he shoved him against the wall of the bathroom stall, making him groan from the impact. He then moved to face Sieun, standing right infront of him, face seemingly close to his.
The scent of cologne and diluted smoke intoxicated his nostrils, making him close his eyes tightly for a few seconds, at least.
Seongje stared down at Sieun, holding his face close with his grip on his collar, and looked as if he was studying every inch of him, eyeing him up and down, left and right.
He let out a quiet groan.
" fuck, how do i even say this " he muttered, his eyes fluttering around the stall, tilting his head to the side.
Sieun was so confused, had no idea what Seongje was doing, what he was getting at---why he just randomly shoved him into a bathroom stall, out of no where. He looked up at him, furrowing his brows, half annoyed.
He sighed, as he turned to look back down at Sieun's confused face.
" i think im like, fucking in love with you or something, " he muttered underneath his breath, staring down at Sieun.
Almost immediately, he felt his heart beat faster---he swore he could've heard the thumps, as well. He could feel his face growing hot, but be tried to it, as he stared blankly, confusedly, up at Seongje.
Seongje continued eyeing his surroundings, as his eyes fluttered around the walls.
But the silence that hung over them made it feel unbearable, as the tension was spiking each second that passed.
After a few seconds, though, their eyes locked, as Sieun felt as if his face was boiling. He was slightly confused---hearing those words come out of, his, mouth was, weird---he didn't even know how to react, but just ended up assuming he was merely, joking.
Seongje scoffed.
" you're blushing, " he said with a smile, laughing faintly as he said it.
He let out a frustrated sigh, closing his eyes for a few seconds as he turned his head to the side---somewhere that didn't involve, him, being in his line of sight.
" shut up, " Sieun said under his breath, the words barely slipping out of his mouth.
But once reopened, he caught him, giving him that look---the same look he gave him whenever he was about to make his move ; as if he were about to swallow him, devour him whole.
Sieun caught him slowly tilt his head down by the slightest, noticeably gazing at his waist, below him. However, in the matter of seconds, Sieun shuddered when he felt him move the hand holding the fabric of his collar, running it slowly down his chest, past his waist, and onto his crotch.
Seongje's eyes fluttered back to Sieun's face, as he felt begin moving his hand, slowly, pressing him down firmly, through the fabric of his pants. And he watched him---every movement, every breath, every reaction. God, he couldnt even explain how he, made him feel, especially when he looked like, this.
Sieun immediately gasped, beginning to let out quiet breathes, heavy though.
" wait, not here, " he murmurred, in between heavy breathes, as he occasionally closed his eyes.
He placed his hand on Seongje's chest, pushing it slightly, urging him to pull back.
Almost immediately, Seongje grabbed his hand, interlocked his fingers with his, and shoved it against the wall behind them. He then leaned into Sieun's neck, making him gasp.
" just be quiet and you'll be fine, " he whispered near Sieun's ear, making a shiver run down his spine.
He continued moving his hand firmly, rubbing back and forth, up and down against him. As he did so, now that he was near his neck, he leaned in, and ran his wet tongue from the bottom of the side of his neck, to the top, leaving a trail of saliva. Sieun groaned quietly.
It didn't take him long to notice the bandaids lined across the side of his neck, though.
Seongje clicked his tongue.
" you really think these bandaids are gonna do something? jesus, " he muttered, proceeding to use his free hand to strip them off.
He groaned in response, the pain getting to him, but also the fear of others noticing.
" wait-- " Sieun protested hastily,
but it was already too late, as Seongje had already ripped each one off, not even letting Sieun get a word out.
" mh, that's better, " he mumbled, underneath his breath, his movements never stopping, keeping a pace.
Now that his neck was clear, and the marks showing visibly, he began licking the previous marks, sucking on them as well.
Sieun leaned his head back against the hard wall, trying to steady his ragged breathes, which proved difficult. He closed his eyes, completely lost in the feeling of his tongue, the warmth of it, and his hand against his---
There wasnt even a question, to whether or not, it felt good. It felt so good---and it hurt so bad to admit it. He wanted more ; he couldn't believe that he was even craving it, that he was craving the touch of the same guy who beat him up, who beat his friends to a pulp.
It didn't even feel, real.
▪︎
Still running his tongue along Sieun's warm neck, he stopped abruptly when he heard footsteps and faint voices enter the room, as the door creaked blared throughout the walls.
He groaned, mixed with sigh, as he turned his head to face the door of the stall. He listened, as numerous voices began clamoring outside :
" hey, dude look-- what the fuck? " one of the guys mumbled in the distance, footsteps seemingly getting closer.
Seongje rolled his eyes, lowering the hand that was pressed firmly against Sieun, as he turned to face the stall door.
" yo what the fuck are you guys doing in there-- open up! " one of the voices called out.
Sieun stood still, chest heaving back and forth, staring at Seongje, hoping he'd do something.
After a few seconds, Seongje groaned, as he opened the bathroom stall door, swinging it open, making the guys dodge it immediately.
He walked out, as turned his head to face the two guys, glaring at them.
" what the hell were you guys doing in there? " one of them exclaimed, looking puzzled.
Seongje scoffed, tilting his head to face them.
" it's none of your fucking business, " he said sternly, glaring at them, his eyes filled with rage.
" wait look, this dudes' from ganghak? " one of them muttered to the other, pointing over his shoulder.
Seongje exhaled sharply, on edge.
" you gonna shut up or are you going to make me do it for you, " he grunted, glaring at the two guys, on the verge of punching their faces.
Immediately, one of them bursted out laughing, clinging onto the other guy for support.
" oh you really think w-- " one of the began, until Seongje cut him off.
In the matter of seconds, he grabbed him tightly by the shirt, and landed a strong punch on his face, making him groan. He pushed him away, as he grabbed the other guys' collar, and shoved his face hard against the stall door, slamming it, making him almost stumble and fall to the floor.
Seongje breathed heavily.
" fuck, " he muttered, tensing his hands.
Sieun, still inside stall, decided it was safe to come out at least, and walked over to the counter and began washing his hands. He didn't even use the bathroom, but despite it, it was like an instinct.
The two guys immediately left the bathroom, groaning, as Seongje further urged them to leave by kicking them in the lower body, shoving them aggressively.
He then turned around to face Sieun, and walked over to him, as he stood beside him. He started washing his hands, too, getting the remaining faint blood off.
" the kids' here always this fucking nosy? " he muttered with a questioning tone, as he cussed inaudibly underneath his breath.
Sieun sighed, shaking his hands to get the water off.
" i guess, " he replied, blankly.
He started making his way to the door, until he came to a halt, as Seongje reached out his arm and stopped him by pressing his hand against his chest.
Sieun looked over at him, confused. He needed to get back to class---he didn't even want to know how long he's been in the bathroom for.
" you busy after school? " Seongje asked casually, his eyes narrowed on him and his voice at a low tone.
Sieun thought for a moment.
" yeah, i have to study everything i missed since you dragged me here, " he replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
Seongje let out a quiet laugh.
" ill come over, help you study or whatever " he said with a faint smirk, as he headed toward the door, brushing passed Sieun's side.
" wh? wait-- " he began, until Seongje immediately cut him off.
" im coming over, " he said sternly, as he exited the door all casually, making it shut in front of Sieun.
Sieun sighed.
Now, Seongje was coming over to his appartment. There was no denying it, no changing it, no question surrounding whether or not he had the guts to appear on his doorstep.
▪︎
He groaned, realizing he was still in the bathroom, standing still in his thoughts. He walked hastily towards the door, pushed it open, and made his way back to his classroom.
Of course, as soon as he was about to hit the door, the bell for lunch rang, as students began pouring out the door, clamoring.
He sighed, waiting for them to move so he could get inside.
His mind was stuck on one thing, though.
That, thing, that Seongje had said. He couldn't exactly tell whether he was joking, whether he was just toying with him, messing with him. But to be honest, he seemed geniune, slightly at least.
It made his stomach twist, his breath hitching, each and every time he thought about it, only making him cringe.
And now of course, once school came to an end, he, was coming to his appartment, and Sieun couldn't help but keep him off his mind.
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Chapter Text
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| 9 : 13 P M
It was about nine PM when Sieun heard a faint knock against his door.
It was a school night, too, and like always, he was studying at his desk, listening to a video with his air pods in. The room around him was dim, and the lamp beside him just barely, illuminated the area.
Mixed with the sound of his study video coming playing directly into his ear, he wasn't exactly sure whether or not it was his imagination, or reality.
So in response, he glanced up towards the door, and stood up, while beginning to remove his air pods, placing down against the desk.
He walked over, slightly tired from hours of consistent home work, of countless studying. Once he arrived at the door, it immediately hit him in the chest like a bullet, as he remembered who was supposed to be arriving at his appartment.
Turns out, all the studying must've kept him attentively focused, making him totally forget about what, he, had said, about him, coming over to help him, "study."
So, he resorted to opening the door, slowly, as he lowered his hand onto the door knob, turning it. Almost immediately, the aroma of lingering smoke swept through the air. He scrunched his nose, tensing at the smell.
Once open, standing right infront of the door, was Seongje. Sieun took a moment to examine him.
He looked rough, like he'd just been in a fight‐--which, he probably was. His hair was pretty messy, and he had a red scratch along the side of his cheek. He was wearing his school uniform, as well, his blazer slightly pulled to the side, revealing the black shirt he wore under it. And most noticeably, he was holding a glass bottle, half full, in one of his hands---probably alcohol.
He seemed to not be steady, as Sieun watched him lean back and forth, swaying almost.
" miss me? " he murmurred with a smile as he leaned forward, then immediately walking passed Sieun into his appartment, like he owned the place.
Sieun watched him, as he brushed passed him, looking as if he was about to stumble any second.
" are you drunk, " Sieun said blankly, looking at Seongje, letting out a sigh.
Seongje's eyes fluttered around the room, taking in the surroundings, despite already being in his appartment once. He then turned around to face Sieun, the bottle still resting in his grasp.
" mh, just a little bit," he muttered, in a mocking tone, bringing his hand up and using his fingers to make a small gesture.
As if he had absolutely no care in the world, he then held his bottle up, gulped down the rest of the liquid inside, and handed it to Sieun, letting out a grunt.
Sieun looked at him with a glare, as he took the bottle from him.
He watched him in awe, as he walked over towards his bed, slumping down onto it as he stretched his arms out, lying against it.
Now, Seongje was in his appartment, completely drunk.
He sighed, as he placed the glass on the table beside him and walked over to his desk to sit down. As he sat down at his desk, he heard Seongje groan behind him, sounding annoyed.
" hey what are you doing, the bed's over here, " he murmurred as he groaned, his words slurred due to the state he was in.
" you came to help me study, remember, " Sieun replied, already getting back to working on the math problems infront of him.
Seongje sat up, as he let out a deep sigh.
" oh -- right, " he muttered under his breath, obviously not remembering a single thing.
He heard Seongje stand up behind him, and heard the loud sound of wood being dragged against the floor. He looked back, confused, to see him pulling over one of the wooden chairs over, from his kitchen.
He then pulled it up beside Sieun's chair, in front of his desk, and slumped down beside him, close enough to burst his personal space.
The whiff of watered down alcohol and faint cologne attacked his nostrils, making him tense.
All aside, he continued focusing on the paper below him, studying the math problem infront of him, trying to figure out how to solve it. He even started righting down some notes to help him remember.
As he was trying to focus, however, he could see Seongje in his peripheral vision, in the corner of his eye---and although he couldn't directly see his face, he could feel him glaring at him ; staring, watching. It felt like that feeling when your outside, and the sun is hitting you hard, burning you, and although you can't see it, you know that it's right there.
For Seongje---that's exactly what he was doing. Just staring at Sieun as he sat close beside him, watching him, mesmerized. He eyed him up and down, staring at him as he focused.
Sieun held his pen in his hand, trying to grasp his mind around the problem sitting infront of him, but, it proved difficult. Seongje was noticeably breathing heavily beside him, likely because of how drunk he was, only distracting him, more and more.
" you know you've been staring at the paper for like two minutes, right, " he said all of a sudden, making Sieun's breath hitch, piercing through the silence that hung over them.
Sieun exhaled, not knowing what to say, to that.
" hm let me see, " Seongje said, grabbing the pen from Sieun's hand, as he leaned closer to examine the paper.
And at this point, Seongje's knee was brushing up against against his, practically touching. Sieun felt his face grow hot, uncontrollably.
" yeah you're doing this wrong, you gotta isolate the coefficient before simplifying the entire thing, " he continued, words slightly slurred, as he used the pen to point against the paper below them.
Seongje continued talking, but it was hard for him to focus on what he was saying.
For one, the whole situation was---weird. Seongje helping him study? Someone like him, helping him solve a problem? It was so, unreal, but seeing him like this---seeing him not continuesly trying to destroy anyone in his sight---despite him being drunk, was calming, in a way.
" that make sense? " Seongje finally said, turning to face Sieun, his face notably close to his.
Sieun looked at him for a split second, just enough to lock their eyes, but he immediately looked away, his gaze returning to the paper below him.
" yeah, yeah it does " he said under his breath, the words barely slipping out of his mouth.
Seongje let out a muffled laugh, with a smile lined across his face. He gave the pen back to Sieun.
" see? im helping, " he assured him, as he laid back in the wooden chair, now spreading his legs, pushing up against Sieun's even more.
Now that he atleast had an idea of how the problem worked, he leaned his head down slightly, and began writing down notes, solving the problem section by section.
Seongje was still watching him, of course---he couldnt even take his eyes off him.
His eyes fluttered around the room again.
| ' fuck this is so boring, ' he thought to himself.
He then turned to face Sieun, again, still writing down against the paper below him. He eyed him up and down, staring deep at him.
Everything about him was driving him crazy, making him grow insane as seconds passed. He just wanted to---he wanted to taste him, to feel him. He didn't know whether it was just him, or the alcohol, but he felt so, horny---so desperate, to the point he felt like he was about to explode.
Deciding not to do anything too major yet, atleast, he leaned in close towards Sieun, just enough for him to feel the warmth of his breath hit his neck.
This made Sieun flinch slightly.
" mh, you smell so fucking good, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, now seemingly close to Sieun's side.
He immediately stopped writing, trying to gather his senses, trying to ignore how close, he, was to him.
So, he exhaled, and continued writing. But before he could even do so, he heard his voice, again.
" you know, when i took you back to your appartment that day, you were talking in your sleep " he continued, as he leaned back slightly to see Sieun's focused face.
Sieun immediately stopped, as he let go of his pen, letting it rest on the paper. He turned to face Seongje, who was staring deep into him.
" what? " he said under his breath, totally confused, with a hint of annoyance.
He wasn't actually sure whether or not he talked in his sleep, since he was usually home alone, all the time.
" yeah, you kept saying my name, " he added, barely a whisper between his breathes, now looking at Sieun with a look that made his insides boil.
Sieun sighed in frustration. He tried to recall any recent dreams he had, but he couldnt---especially with Seongje right beside him, brushing up against him.
" i was probably dreaming about fighting you, or something, " he protested, looking down at the paper, trying to atleast make the conversation, normal.
Seongje clicked his tongue slightly.
" you were moaning, too, " he muttered, his voice growing more shallow as seconds passed, as a faint grin lined his face.
▪︎
That put Sieun on edge. His stomach immediately dropped, making him exhale sharply. Moaning? Seongje had to be making this up just to mess with him.
" that could mean anything? " he snapped back, sighing as he did so.
" hm, really? " Seongje replied, his voice more calm now, but hinted with a mocking tone.
A few seconds of tight silence passed.
" moaning and saying my name, i think it's kind of obvious, " he said, turning away fron Sieun for a few seconds, but then facing him once again, taking in the expression he had in his face.
Sieun was now still, frozen---he even couldn't move, didn't want to. Everything that Seongje was saying, the fact that he was so close to him, made his mind feel hazy, like he was about to pass out any second.
It was silent, for a few seconds, Sieun looking down at the paper as Seongje continued glaring deep into him, his shoulder now pressed against his, their legs touching by the slightest.
There was no doubt, that he was too close.
" god, you're driving me fucking insane sieun, it's unbearable, " he muttered underneath his breath, his voice almost a whisper.
After staying still for so long, processing what Seongje was saying, what he was doing, he finally built up the courage to turn to him, to look at him.
Their eyes locked.
And the expression on his face was, menacing ; he wasn't smiling like he usually does, not even a faint grin across his face---he was just using his eyes, breathing heavily, staring deep into Sieun as if he were about to eat him whole.
That look was all he needed ---
Sieun locking his weary eyes with him. He felt like he was about to explode if he didn't touch him---if he didn't taste him, feel him.
So, without any warning, after eyeing him up and down for a for a few seconds at most, he then hastily grabbed him roughly by the collar of his white shirt, pulled him up, and threw him against the nearby wall.
▪︎
Sieun was dumbfounded---he wasnt exactly expecting such an immediate move, that all occurred so rapidly.
Seongje, with his hand gripped tightly on his collar, then shoved him against the wall. As soon as his head hit the wall, the impact made him groan.
Then, once again, without any warning, he hastily took both of his hands and began choking Sieun, gripping his fingers around his warm neck, breathing heavily.
Although he wasnt gripping too tightly, it still got to a point where it was, uncomfortable. He breathed heavily, letting out soft groans, until he finally locked eyes with Seongje.
Seongje let out a slight laugh, a faint grin lining his face.
" you really do turn me on like this, you know that right? " he muttered underneath his breath, leaning forward by the slightest, their faces seemingly close.
" you're, crazy-- " Sieun muttered in reply, the words barely coming out as a ragged breath, enduring the harsh chokehold as he let out choked grunts.
Of course, this only made Seongje laugh by the slightest --- and probably turned him on, even more.
As he looked deep into his eyes, he felt the chokehold get stronger---he could feel his grip tightening around his throat. He closed his eyes tightly.
However, it got to a point where he had to lift his hand and urge him to release, pressing down on his chest through his jacket. At the sight, Seongje just scoffed, and finally released his grip, revealing the bright red mark left around his throat.
Sieun immediately gasped for air, heaving softly, as he tilted his head upwards.
But in the matter of seconds, Seongje then proceeded to look him dead in the eye, take in his weakness, and then bury his head in between his neck, as he began to run his tongue along the red marks of the chokehold he left.
Sieun let out a soft gasp, as his head moved backwards towards the wall. It felt---weird, but undeniably good. The way he licked such a wound, in a way, eased the pain and soreness of it. The warmth of his tongue runing along his skin only added to the sensation.
But if that wasn't enough, he started to suck the areas around his neck where the chokehold was---pressing his warm lips down, sucking for a few seconds, flicking his wet tongue against his sensitive skin.
Although he tried to conceal it, he let out a muffled moan, placing his hand against his mouth, as Seongje sucked his neck, raw.
" you must've been waiting for this since our last visit, hm? " Seongje said with a faint grin, near his ear.
He tried to ignore whatever Seongje was saying, and instead focus on the sensation of the moment---but, it proved difficult.
As he continued to suck the skin against his neck, even bite it at some points, he continued talking at a low voice, almost a mutter between his heavy breathes.
" mh, iv'e been craving you too, " he said, almost a whisper, between sucking his neck.
Sieun kept his eyes closed, letting out shaky exhales.
" you wanna know how many times i've jerked off to that pretty photo of yours, hm? " he said, notably with a grin, whilst his head was still nuzzled between Sieun's neck and shoulder.
He continued to let out soft gasps, and heavy exhales, while he began to feel something rising in his lower body---something growing, building up, each second that passed.
Seongje moved his head towards Sieun's ear, and proceded to softly bite at it. This made Sieun wince, inaudibly.
" nine times, " he purred into his ear, in a tone that sounded so---that immediately made Sieun let out a quiet gasp.
He finally repositioned himself in front of Sieun once again, staring him down as if he were about to swallow him whole. Sieun looked up at him, his eyes on the verge of weariness, panting softly.
Finally, after practically eyefucking him, he grabbed him by the neck and hastily pulled him towards his bed.
Within a few seconds, he then shoved him down, forcing him to lie on the bed---his upper body on the bed, while his legs remained dangling towards the floor. Sieun let out a grunt as soon as his head hit the soft mattress.
Breathing heavily, Seongje stood above him.
" take off your clothes, " Seongje muttered in between heavy breathes, towering over him while giving him a serious look, eyes narrowed.
▪︎
Sieun looked up at him, slightly puzzled by those words, but proceded to comply, despite strong hesitiation.
He hooked his fingers around the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, pushing it over his head, as he shoved it somewhere beside him. Then, he began sliding his sweatpants down, and threw them to the side, as well.
Seongje took in the sight in front of him, never even shifting his gaze away from him. Obviously, this is the first time ever seeing, him, shirtless, along with seeing him without anything covering his lower body. He eyed him up and down like a dog, mesmerized by the soft tones of his skin.
" fuck, " he muttered to himself, barely even a breath, as he stared down at him, mesmerized.
Sieun just laid there, eyes locked with Seongje towering over him, as his chest rose and fell, softly.
After a few seconds, Seongje then leant down towards him, and positioned himself on top of him, stabling himself with his knees and arms. As his eyes locked with Sieun's, his gaze then shifted, focusing on his, lips.
Sieun continued staring into his eyes as he caught his gaze shift.
He knew what would come next---but if he were going to be honest, doing something like, this, wasn't the worst thing about it. In a way, he wanted it---wanted him to roll his wet tongue in his mouth, and suck his mouth whole. He hated admitting it, though, as it felt like a shot in the chest.
But as if he had heard him, Seongje, with a faint smirk lined across his face, finally leaned forward and began restlessly kissing him. Gasping, Sieun immediately wrapped his hand around the back of Seongje's hot neck, as he did so, gripping tightly.
He could feel Seongje's hand grip around the back of his neck, too, tightening every second as his fingers pressed against his skin. Not only that, but he could feel Seongje through his jeans---could feel, him---brushing up against his soft thigh through his ragged movements.
He could feel Seongje's tongue within his mouth, as his lips pressed firmly against his, almost suffocating him.
The urge grew---he needed to relieve himself, to lessen the tension in his lower body. How could he, though? Seongje was practically on top of him, chest to jacket, so there wasn't any room to squeeze his arm through.
But Seongje could.
As he kept letting Seongje rigorously devour his mouth, to the point where he felt as if he were suffocated, he decided to make his move. He slid his hands onto Seongje's waist, his fingers pressig against his sides, and motioned him to align himself with his crotch.
However, almost immediately, Seongje pulled out of his mouth, leaving Sieun panting like a dog, below him. A confused expression washed over Seongje's face, toned with curiosity.
" what, you asking for something? " he said softly with a faint grin, his eyebrows raised, face right infront of Sieun's.
He caught Sieun's eyes move towards his waist for a brief second, and move back onto his eyes.
Seongje raised his eyebrows, almost confused, and proceded to crane his head downwards, only to see what Sieun must've been motioning towards, peaking through the fabric of his boxers.
" oh, " Seongje said with realization, letting out a soft laugh, as he looked back at Sieun's helpless eyes.
" you want me to dryfuck you, don't you? " he said softly, his face close to Sieun---his eyes matching the faint grin lined across his face.
Sieun contined to look up at him, chest heaving back and forth, waiting for him to do something.
Suddenly, Seongje leaned his head into the crevice between Sieun's neck and shoulder, and whispered into his ear:
" tell me how bad you want it, "
It came out as nothing but a breath, barely a whisper, as his lips brushed up against his ear.
A soft gasp escaped his mouth. His face grew hot, in the matter of seconds. Seongje's voice in his ear, mixed with the anticipation, was setting him on edge.
Sieun laid his head back against the soft matress, his eyes closed as his breathed softly, annoyance boiling over him with how Seongje was acting.
" please, . " he said in a mumble, the word barely slipping off of his tongue.
Seongje let out a muffled laugh, and locked face to face with Sieun once again. Finally, after what felt like minutes on end, he positioned himself, and began slowly grinding himself against Sieun's crotch, pressingly firmly against him.
Almost immediately, Sieun let out a muffled gasp, followed by soft moans. He closed his eyes tightly, tilting his head back against the mattress.
Seongje positioned himself so that his face was directly above Sieun's, eyes narrowed on him. As he slowly grinded himself against him, rolling his hips back and forth, he took in everything below him. Seeing him beg, watching him plead and whimper---was everything.
He kept his eyes locked with Sieun the entire time. As Seongje breathed sharply, Sieun breathed shakily, letting out muffled moans every second that passed.
In Sieun's perspective, though, the sensation was unbearable. Feeling the friction of Seongje's tight jeans, plus the rubbing against his thin boxers, only made him more weak. He craned his head upwards, breathing heavily at the feeling.
However, after a minute or so, Seongje suddenly came to a halt, leaving Sieun confused.
He groaned faintly, letting out heavy breathes.
" your so fucking hard, " he said with a soft laugh, still face to face with Sieun's panting face.
" who would've known a guy like me would leave you begging for more, hm? " he muttered underneath his breath, tilting his head, with a slight grin stained across his face.
It barely took him a moment to remember that Sieun was shirtless, and as soon as he remembered, he shifted himself downwards. God, seeing him like this was everything---he wanted to feel every bit of him, taste him, all over.
Sieun tilted his head slightly forward, letting out a shallow gasp, when he suddenly felt Seongje begin running his tongue along the bare skin of his chest.
He could feel his warm tongue against his skin, leaving a trail of saliva across his chest, pressing his lips down firmly between breathes. He ran his tongue up and down, gradually started shifting his way closer and closer towards Sieun's crotch, running his wet tongue down along his soft skin.
Not only that, but he could feel Seongje's hand brush passed his side, and rest against his waist, digging his fingers into his side as he continued inching his way towards his---
And in the matter of seconds, his face was now right against his length---his cheek pressing against it through the soft fabric, as he tilted his head to the side, glaring over at Sieun. A gasp escaped his mouth, as he could feel the heat of Seongje's skin, radiating directly towards him.
As Sieun watched, waiting as anticipation shredded his insides, Seongje slowed hooked his fingers around the waistband, and began pulling back the top of his boxers, never even breaking eye contact with Sieun's face.
Almost immediately, he hastily shifted his hand, wrapped his fingers along it, and dug his mouth into it, whole, whilst keeping his gaze on Sieun.
That immediately dragged a loud noise out of Sieun's throat, as he tilted his head backwards against the bed, beginning to breath heavily. And in response, Seongje closed his eyes, pressed his warm mouth down against him, and began sucking, moving his head back and forth against him.
He could feel Seongje's warm, soft throat against him---but if that wasn't enough, he felt his hot tongue gliding against him, running along his sides. All of that combined, made Sieun shudder, as his entire lower body trembled, each time he felt him move, against him.
He gripped the sheet tightly behind him, digging his fingers into the plush mattress.
At this point, Sieun was practically moaning, but obviously, at a low tone. He noticed how deep Seongje was going, and was dumbfounded, almost. Though it feels blurry, tucked in the back of his mind, he could just barely remember the first time he tried to do something like, this, but ended up failing, likely due to his sensitive gag reflex.
" how are y-- going s-- " he said in between heavy breathes, panting like a dog.
As he continued sucking Sieun raw, he let out a slight moan, that almost sounded like a muffled laugh, in reply. That brief noise, that barely even lasted a second, immediately reverbated throughout his entire body, making his body shudder.
A loud noise escaped his throat, as he closed his eyes tightly, tilting his head back against the mattress below him.
Seongje, continously shifting his head up and down, must've noticed how Sieun reacted to his reply, and let out a long, muffled moan.
Im the matter of seconds, Sieun felt his insides melt, his limbs grow weak---the vibration of his voice against him sent a shockwave throughout his entire body. Uncontrollably, he let out a loud noise, chest heaving back and forth.
His body twitched at the feeling, trembling underneath Seongje, above him. As Seongje continued, though, Sieun could feel the tension building up, rising each and every time he felt him shift downwards, and drag himself back up.
Without any hesitiation---mainly due to how fogged up his mind was---he proceeded to grip Seongje's soft, yet messy hair, and urge him to go deeper, desperately. He dug his fingers into his head, gripping tightly.
He even began moving his waist to follow the movements of Seongje's wet mouth, catching the rhythm, which only made him moan grow louder by the second, letting out ragged breathes.
Seongje, however, must've oticed how Sieun was reacting, how he was becoming more and more persistent, more desperate, so in response ,
he pulled back.
This immediately set off a chain reaction within Sieun, as his lower body immediately begun to ache. He titled his head forwards, breathing heavily, as he looked at Seongje with annoyance, letting out a small groan.
▪︎
" you're close, aren't you? " Seongje muttered with an erotic tone, licking his wet lips, his warm cheek pressed against the side of his length.
He could feel the warmth of his face hitting against him hard, and to add on to that, Seongje shifted his hand upwards and started rubbing his tip, pressing his thumb down firmly in circular motions, all whilst staring at him with his eyes narrowed. God---he was so, wet, to the point it started making slick noises as Seongje did so.
Sieun signed, tilting his head back against the mattress, closing his eyes tightly, continuing to let out heavy breathes, mixed with quiet groans.
He turned his head to the side, and leaned against the mattress, shutting his eyes. The situation made his insides boil---Seongje was obviously leaving him on edge, but why? He just wanted him to let him release the tension that was built up, that was urging to burst, inside of him. But he couldn't take it anymore---especially with Seongje's slow movements, that were practically driving him insane.
" jus-- please, let me-- " he said, in a mutter whilst his head faced the ceiling, letting out a groan.
Of course, this only pleased Seongje, as he heard him let out a muffled laugh, definitely with a faint grin. As if it wasn't already obvious, he liked making Sieun beg for him, and seeing him urge for more.
" oh don't worry, i'll let you come, " he said in a tone that slightly annoyed Sieun, his voice sounding, mocking, in a way.
Sieun, with his eyes closed shut, felt his body jerk back in shock, as soon as he felt Seongje press his lips down against his tip, slowly flicking his tongue in circular motions, against it.
He gasped, letting out a slight moan from the unexpected action. Any small movement---any shift, any touch---it felt so strong, especially given how close he was.
However, it only lasted a few seconds, as Seongje pulled back, pushing himself off of the edge of the bed as he stood up, all of a sudden.
Sieun watched in awe, dumbfounded, his lower body aching each second, as Seongje began taking off his baggy jacket---and whilst doing so, he added :
" just not with my mouth, " he muttered underneath his breath, briefly looking over at Sieun with a faint smirk, only to see his face utterly confused.
Sieun was panting back and forth, and his brain felt fogged up, to the point where he couldn't even focus on reality.
He was so close, too, inches away from getting there. He just wanted to ease the tension, release it.
But no---Seongje prevented him from doing so.
And if it couldn't get any worse, now he was saying something like, that? What does that even mean. He looked up at Seongje with confused eyes, begging for answers.
" you do anal? " Seongje said in a mutter as he continued ripping off his clothes, which immediately caught Sieun's attention.
With his gaze fixed on Seongje, as he began to hastily rip off his shirt, hooking his fingers underneath the hem, his eyes widened.
Confusion washed over Sieun's face, as he wearily looked up at him, breathing shallowly.
Seongje sighed, almost with annoyance.
" have you taken dick before? " he clarified, gaze locked on Sieun, as he pulled his shirt over his head, shoving it aside.
Sieun's eyes grew wide, almost as if he were, scared. His heart definitely skipped a beat, as fear washed over him.
Obviously, he has never even engaged with something like, this---not even close, so what makes him, think he's done something like, that.
" what-- " he said in a soft mumble, the word barely slipping out of his mouth.
His mind was racing, his body trembling by the slightest.
" no, " he further clarified softly, looking wearily up at Seongje, the word coming out as nothing but a breath in between shaky exhales.
Seongje let out a slight laugh, with a faint grin lined across his face.
" even better, had a feeling you were a virgin, "
he muttered underneath his breath, barely even hearable, as he towered over Sieun.
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Notes:
Revised the chap for better reading!!
i hope u guys enjoyy
FEEDBACK is always appreciated
🫶🫶
Chapter 5: apt2 ☆
Summary:
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Chapter Text
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| 9 : 38 P M
Sieun examined his body in awe, eyes shifting at the sight, as he kept his gaze locked in front of him, breathing shakily.
He watched, stared, as Seongje continued unzipping his pants---resting his fingers along the zipper, tugging it down ; hooking his fingers around his waistband, shoving the pants down, and throwing them to the side. Apart from the glasses and his boxers, the only other thing left was a silver chain necklace hung beneath his neck, which his eyes immediately caught.
He had a nice body, too---definitely worked out a lot based just off of his chest. His skin was smooth, the silver chain glistening in his sight. It wasn't even a question, whether or not he, 'looked good.'
Now, with only his boxers left---the only piece of clothing covering him---he moved himself on top of Sieun, once again, stabling himself with his arms.
He glided his warm hand across Sieun's skin---starting from his waist, brushing passed his chest, making his way towards his neck. Sieun shuddered at his touch, eyes fluttering open and closed.
Eventually, he slid his hand onto his neck, gripping it softly, prompting Sieun to move his head upwards to face him, directly. He let out a slight wince.
" fuck, i've been waiting to feel you for so long, " he said underneath his breath, face to face, almost a mumble.
His grip still held Sieun by the neck.
For Seongje, though, he was on the verge of breaking. God---it was like he could explode any second, shatter into pieces---he'd been waiting for, this, for so long, to the point where it didn't even feel real. Seeing Sieun below him, underneath him, like this? Seeing his weary eyes locked on him, seeing the way he looked up at him, desperately---was everything.
Almost at random, however, he pulled his grip back from his neck, and hastily slid two of his fingers inside of Sieun's mouth, down his throat, almost making him gag at the sudden action.
Sieun looked at him, dumbfounded, his eyes fluttering between his hand, and his narrowed eyes.
" suck, " he said underneath his breath, his voice growing more shallow, his gaze never leaving Sieun's.
All confusion aside, and despite strong hesitation, he complied. In the matter of seconds, he pressed his lips down and began sucking, without a second thought. He ran his tongue along his fingers, getting them slick with saliva, eyes fluttering open and closed as he did so.
Seongje grinned at the sight, as he hooked his fingers around his boxers with his free hand, pulling them down below him. He then threw them to the side, just as he did with his other clothes. His gaze shifted back to Sieun, as his breathes became more ragged---feeling his wet mouth against his fingers was, intoxicating.
Almost immediately, Sieun let out a muffled grunt, closing his eyes tightly, when he felt him press a third finger in, brushing passed his lips as he pushed his fingers deeper. His body immediately shuddered, his lower body shaking, when he felt him suddenly press his finger down against him---against his tip, pressing down firmly, rubbing his thumb back and forth against it. That managed to drag a loud noise out of Sieun's throat, as his noises came out muffled, still sucking hesitantly against his fingers.
Seongje leaned in closer, watching everything---every reaction that Sieun gave him. His breathes grew more ragged by the second, as his lips were now brushing against the skin lining the side of Sieun's face.
" that's it, " he muttered against him, the words coming out as nothing but a ragged exhale over his heavy breathes.
But after half a minute at least, Seongje pulled back, letting out a faint laugh underneath his breath. Sieun gasped, breathing shakily as soon as he dragged his fingers out.
With his hand slick and wet with his saliva, he spat on it, and proceeded to rub the wetness across his length, wrapping his fingers around it as he ran his hand back and forth. He tilted his face just enough to see Sieun, as he leaned in close---close enough for his lips to brush up against the side of his face.
" like what you see, hm? " he muttered faintly beside Sieun's face, his lips brushing against his skin as his voice grew more hoarse.
He just stared in awe, his mind completely blank. He didn't even have a reaction when Seongje muttered those words against his skin---he didn't shudder, didn't flinch. His breath seemed to get caught in his throat, as he laid there, not even knowing what to think. All he knew, though, was that he was, scared---especially after seeing, him.
Seongje leaned back a bit to face Sieun's face once again, staring at him as he continued running his hand against him. He caught the confusion that still lingered in his eyes---at least, to him, it looked like confusion ; rather than fear.
" it makes it easier for me to shove my dick inside you, " he muttered as he leaned in slightly, a faint smile lining his face.
He wasn't even listening to him, at this point. The anticipation was killing him. The feeling was, weird---especially given the way that he'd worded that sentence.
For one, he was noticeably, on edge---sucked dry to the point where he was on the verge of releasing the built up tension, but was forced not to. And to add to that, the thought of having a something like, this? Something like, him, inside of him---it made his stomach drop at the thought.
All of that combined, made his body ache, all over, as he watched Seongje, letting out shaky exhales.
Finally, after atleast a few seconds of nothing but running his hand along himself, glaring at Sieun below him, his movements eventually came to a halt.
Of course, without any warning---which made it seem so strong, in the first place---he then lowered one of his hands noticeably towards his lower body, and slid two of his long fingers into Sieun, pressing deep inside of him.
The feeling immediately exploded throughout his entire body---but unlike what he felt before, this was nothing compared to that. It was worse, way worse, as pain immediately erupted throughout his lower body.
His eyes shot open, as he tilted his head to face below him. His body immediately jerked back in shock when he felt him press inside of him. At the moment, at least, it immediately sent a wave a pain through his lower body, seeming as if his insides were being strained, each second. He bit down on his teeth, a loud noise escaping his throat, as he tried to shift away from him---shifting his lower body, twisting his waist, trying anything that could ease the feeling.
Seongje placed his hand against Sieun's thigh, trying to hold him down, to ground his writhing body.
" jesus relax, i'm barely even starting, " he said underneath his breath, his face seemingly close to Sieun's weary face.
The pain gradually died down---still sharp enough to make him wince, though. He could feel his fingers rubbing his insides, as the feeling hit him hard, sending a shockwave throughout his entire body. It almost felt as if he was, searching for something? Brushing his fingers up against his sides, feeling different areas, inside of him.
There was no doubt, that it felt uncomfortable. His writhing body seemed to of died down a bit, as his lower body remained shuddedering, trying to shift in order to adjust to the feeling.
But after a few more firm movements, everything changed, as he felt his body grow weak in the matter of seconds.
Suddenly, he felt Seongje brush his fingers up against a place inside of him---so deep, that his entire body began to tremble, as he tilted his head back against the mattress, letting out a loud noise as he closed his eyes tightly.
Seongje, continuesly staring down at Sieun's face, then proceeded to slide a third finger in, brushing passed him and immediately pressing firmly against his insides. That alone, made Sieun melt---made his entire body shudder, as he breathed heavily. Based off of his noises, atleast, he could tell that he'd managed to find the right spot, and continued focusing on that area---pressing his fingers against it, rubbing them back and forth, firmly.
God---he couldnt get enough of the noises that were coming out of his mouth, each second his moved his fingers. Every ragged moan that escaped his mouth, every shaky whimper---it made him feel something in his lower body.
And at this point, he could feel his fingers curling inside of him, pushing back and forth. His insides were undeniably wet, only making Seongje roll his fingers deeper and deeper into him.
But for Sieun, it was too much.
So in response, Sieun hastily brought his trembling hand up to Seongje, and placed it against his arm, urging him to stop by attempting his best his push against him. His hand trembled on Seongje's arm, shaking uncontrollably each second.
Seongje's gaze shifted towards Sieun's hand, then fell back onto him. Letting out a faint laugh, he slowly dragged his fingers out of him, pulling back. Sieun let out a shaky noise, over his ragged breathes, as a wave a relief flowed through his body.
He then positioned himself above Sieun, holding himself up above him, as he lowered his crotch, alligning himself. With one hand wrapped against his length and the other for support, he he focused his gaze on Sieun.
" relax, yeah? you look like you just saw a fucking ghost, " he said underneath his breath, mockingly, letting out a faint laugh at the end.
Relax? How was he supposed to relax.
He then motioned Sieun to spread his legs by grabbing his thigh, slowly pushing his hand, against him.
▪︎
Sieun was closing his eyes, panting heavily as Seongje pressed himself against his entrance, firmly. He gasped audibly at the feeling, noticeably not ready for what was coming. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to somehow rid the feeling, breathing shakily.
" look at me sieun, " Seongje said underneath his breath, softly, as he moved closer towards him, leaning downwards.
Despite hesitation, he opened his weary eyes, and locked his gaze with Seongje, who was glaring down at him, eyes narrowed as he let out shallow breathes.
After a low growl, and after locking eye contact with Sieun, he broke the tension between them. In the matter of seconds, he pushed his waist up against Sieun's, slowly shoving himself inside of him.
Sieun felt his entire body tremble.
Almost immediately, a loud noise escaped his throat---which could probably even be classified as a scream, depending how you looked at it. His legs began shuddering, and he immediately gripped the sheet behind him with one hand, and dug his nails into Seongje's smooth back with the other.
Seongje let out a faint groan as he pushed himself forward, watching Sieun.
Although it was only halfway in, to Sieun, it felt way more than halfway. The feeling was, in other words---weird. He couldn't exactly tell whether or not he liked or disliked the feeling, as his body seemed to react indifferently---but sooner or later, he was going to find out, either way.
Sieun focused his gaze on the ceiling, tilting his head back against the mattress below him, chest rising back and forth.
After a few seconds of pushing forward, he finally stilled, holding himself inside of him. He slid one of his hands onto Sieun's lower face, as he gripped his jaw, tilting his head forward to face him.
" fuck, you look so cute inside my dick, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, barely even a whisper, as he gripped his jaw softly.
He eyed him up and down for a few seconds, almost as if he were lost in a trance. After a few seconds at most, he began kissing him, restlessly, as he leaned downwards---so close, so that their chests were practically touching, brushing up against one another.
As Sieun felt Seongje's tongue within his mouth, his lips pressing firmly against his, he immediately let out a muffled moan when he felt Seongje push deeper, inside of him.
It was muffled, though, but still loud enough to pierce through the silence that hung over them. He shifted his hand up against his upper body as he slid it onto the back of Seongje's neck, digging his fingers into his skin, as he continued restlessly kissing him.
Finally, Seongje pulled back, panting heavily over Sieun. He then dug his face into Sieun's neck, and began running his tongue along his skin, sucking in some areas, making Sieun wince at the feeling.
But after remaining stationary for so long, he finally shifted. Suddenly, he slowly dragged himself back, and shoved himself forward, keeping a pace as he began pushing his hips back and forth. As Seongje sucked on the warm skin against his neck, biting at some points, he talked periodically, his voice barely a whisper.
" mh, your so tight, " he muttered quietly, in between a faint groan, his lips brushing up against Sieun's neck.
Sieun, panting restlessly, could feel the heat and warmth of Seongje's body, as their chests were practically touching, brushing up against each other with each movement. His grip around the back of Seongje's neck tightened, as he continued thrusting in and out, sucking and licking at the areas around his neck.
However, as he felt Seongje inside of him, shoving himself forward, the urge to release the tension only grew, sparking each second. But the thing was, it was basically impossible for Seongje to do so. Although their bodies were close, Seongje wasn't close enough for him to get any friction between him---to get anything, that could help him, even by the slightest.
However, it barely took him a second to realize that both his hands were free---one digging into the mattress behind him, the other gripping against Seongje's neck. So as Seongje was too busy pressing his lips down against his side, his face dug into his neck, he slowly shifted his hand down towards his waist, brushing it passed the mattress, trembling.
Somehow, as if Seongje had sensed it, he must've noticed Sieun's action---he immediately grabbed his hand, wrapped his fingers along it, and pulled it back, gripping his hand tightly as he held it down against the mattress.
" don't even try, " Seongje muttered against his skin, in between heavy breathes as he continued thrusting in and out, head nuzzled in Sieun's neck.
He could feel the warmth of his breath on the side of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine
Sieun immediately groaned faintly in response, ragged moans and shaky breathes escaping his mouth. He was on edge, inches away. But obviously, he couldn't even take a second to ease the tension, given Seongje.
" seongje, pl-- just, let me--" Sieun mumbled underneath his breath, the words barely slipping out of his mouth, mixed with his heavy breathes and moans.
He shifted as soon as he heard those words---as soon as he heard, those, words come directly out of Sieun's mouth.
" keep talking like that and ill only fuck you harder, " Seongje purred into Sieun's ear, immediately sucking down on it as he ran his tongue along it.
Sieun shuddered underneath him, closing his eyes tightly.
After at least a minute, Seongje eventually stopped sucking his neck, stopped pressing his warm lips against him, and positioned himself to face Sieun once again, above him.
His body jerked slightly backwards when he felt Seongje grab his waist, firmly pressing his fingers into his side, motioning for Sieun to move with his thrusts. And at this point, Seongje began speeding up his pace, pushing deeper and deeper into Sieun. In response, this only made Sieun grow louder, as faint moans escaped his throat each time he felt Seongje roll his hips forward. Seongje, whilst keeping his gaze on him, couldn't tell whether or not he was liking it---it looked almost as if he was enjoying it, but was in pain at the same time, which as a result, only made him go harder.
Sieun's chest heaved up and down, his head tilted back against the mattress, twitching his body at the unfamiliar, yet strong feeling. Although he tried to conceal it, he let out loud, whimpering moans, as Seongje breathed heavily above him.
Seongje, still pushing himself in and out of Sieun, then slid his hand on Sieun's head, ran it through his hair, and gripped his messy hair---obviously it got messed up because of how rough Seongje's movements were. Gripping his hair tightly, he pulled against him, tilting his head to face him. He leaned in to face him, so close that they were only inches apart, as he held his grip tightly against him.
He could feel the warmth of his breath against his face, as they both breathed heavily. As Sieun stared deep into Seongje, his eyes fluttering opened and closed, he barely noticed how his glasses with slowly sliding off, inching they're way towards him.
Obviously, he didn't want them to fall on him.
But after a few movements, Seongje seemed to have noticed, too, as he then took his free hand, hastily grabbed the glasses, and threw them to the side. He ran his hand through his messy hair as he did so, never even shifting his gaze away from Sieun.
Sieun, watching Seongje in awe, had to admit that he looked---undeniably, hot.
After a few seconds or so, Seongje then positioned himself above Sieun, and steadied himself by wrapping his hands around Sieun's neck, gripping tightly.
Sieun groaned at the feeling, tilting his head to the side, whilst continuing to let out ragged moans.
What came next was a blur.
▪︎
As if he wasn't going fast enough, now that he had Sieun at a tight grip, he began not only thrusting faster, but deeper into Sieun. Seongje even started to let out deep groans whilst doing so, all simultaneously panting like a dog.
For Sieun, however, Seongje's rough thrusts made his mind go hazy---become fogged up, in the matter of seconds.
At this point, he was going so deep, Sieun even tried to move away and urge Seongje to stop, shifting his lower body against the mattress. His body attempted to twist away, to ease the feeling, but Seongje held him down tight with his chokehold, practically grounding him.
Not only that, but the tension was back, growing stronger than ever. As he periodically closed his eyes to ease the feeling, his vision even started to go blurry, as he laid his head against the mattress, tilting his head back. Of course, Seongje's tight chokehold didn't help, which only made his mind go more and more hazy.
As Seongje continued on, choking Sieun as he shoved his waist back and forth, it got to a point where Sieun couldn't conceal it.
He felt his eyes getting teary, and although he didn't notice it at first, he began crying, letting out muffled sobs mixed with his moans. Sieun's mind was too blurred, that he didn't even realize it.
But of course, Seongje did.
" holy shit, " he said in between loud grunts, panting heavily.
" your fucking crying-- " he continued, with a faint grin lined across his face, breathing raggedly.
Sieun couldn't even comprehend what Seongje was saying---his mind was totally gone, as he was completely lost in the feeling that exploded throughout him whenever Seongje shoved himself forward.
To Seongje, seeing him cry---seeing him break into tears, below him ; it was everything.
He kept his gaze locked on Sieun as he dug his fingers into the skin lining his neck, his movements gradually getting faster and faster.
" shit, " he huffed underneath his breath, in between heavy breathes and deep groans.
He occasionally tilted his head upwards at the feeling, chest heaving back and forth, but locking his gaze back to face Sieun's pathetic sobs. He could feel himself growing closer, too, especially with how hard he was going.
As he went faster, however, he gripped Sieun's neck tighter---dug his fingers into him, wrapping his hands around his neck, all in order to stable himself.
Sieun could feel himself starting to suffocate, groaning and letting out faint whimpers.
Although his body felt entirely weak from Seongje's movements, he managed to gather enough strength to move his hand, place it onto Seongje's hands that were gripping his neck, and started urging him to release, his hand trembling.
But almost immediately, Seongje used his right hand, wrapped it around Sieun's, and shoved it down against the mattress aggressively, as he continued to grip his neck with the other, tightly.
Seongje gripped his hand tight, and as he continued thrusting harder, Sieun gripped even tighter. Now, with his hand suspended and his neck at hold, Sieun was, in other words, being grounded. Seongje held his writhing body down, refraining him from twisting or turning.
" fuck, " Seongje muttered under his breath, letting out deep groans.
There was no question, whether or not he was close, as his movements became more restless. The tension was growing inside of him, seeming if it were about to burst any minute---any second.
So, as he panted hard and groaned even louder, he immediately dragged himself out, and came ontop of Sieun, as liquid splattered all over his bare chest.
Almost simultaneously, Sieun came as well, letting out a loud noise, as his body trembled under Seongje's strong grip.
And god, it felt---
Sieun's warm body below him, his sickening moans, his desperate whimpers---all of it made him feel like he was on the verge of passing out, any second---which, in the end, he was.
After a few seconds of heavy pants and faint groans, though, Seongje finally pulled back, releasing his tight grip against Sieun, making him gasp at the feeling.
He then fell back against the mattress, laying to the left of Sieun. He faced the ceiling, tilting his head back against the mattress, chest heaving in and out, as he panted heavily.
Similarly, Sieun's gaze also faced the ceiling, breathing shakily, eyes fluttering open and closed, still recovering from everything that had just happened.
Finally, he barely just felt a tear run down the side if his cheek, to only realize that he was, crying? In shock, he took his hands and rubbed his eyes, feeling how wet they were. When did he even start crying? He felt embarrassed, yet dumbfounded, as confusion swept over him.
As his mind started to regroup, he realized how silent the room had gotten---how it was only his ragged breathes that broke the silence around them.
He winced at the feeling, as he turned his head to face Seongje, and was dumbfounded when he saw him laying right beside him, legs off the end of the bed, practically passed out.
He looked over at him in awe, lifeless beside him---watching as his head was tilted to the side, as his mouth hung slightly open letting out shallow breathes, as his chest rose and fell, slowly. He looked so---calm? Normal even. It was weird, unreal almost, seeing him asleep, right beside him.
He was guessing that it was likely the alcohol that must've made him pass out---topped with, everything that just happened. If he was going to be honest, he just wanted to sleep, as well, pass out beside Seongje, especially given how weak his body felt.
So, as he closed his eyes, he did---still slightly trembling from the feeling.
It didn't take long for his mind to go blank, his surroundings to get drowned out, as sleep consumed him.
| 10 : 12 P M
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Notes:
Changed it up a bitt to match with the previous chap , HOPE YALL ENJOYY!!
feedback is appreciated!!
< 3
Chapter 6: aftermath ☆
Summary:
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Chapter Text
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| 5 : 01 A M
Sieun's loud alarm that blared from his phone resting against the bed side table immediately brought him back to reality, as his eyes shot open, causing his body to jerk upwards.
It was about five AM, as the room around them was dimly lit.
He breathed heavily, sweat sticking to his body, as he began to sit up, noticing how close to the edge of the bed he was, as he reached out his hand to cancel the alarm. It wasn't until then, that he noticed he was shirtless, and after pulling the sheet off himself, he realized he was fully unclothed.
He gasped inaudibly, as he brought his hands up to his face to rub his eyes, groaning quietly.
But after he reopened his gaze, he notice the clothes spread across the floor, all over. In the matter of seconds, it all came rushing back like a tsunami, crashing into him. What happened last night was somewhat vivid, but it also felt like a blur---the things they did, the things he did. He closed his eyes tightly.
After staying still for a few seconds, mind completely deep in his thoughts, exhausted as ever, his body jumped when he heard a noise beside him. It was a deep, groggy groan, that immediately made Sieun turn to his side.
And there he was, right beside him---laying right beside him, completely unclothed, rubbing his eyes as he let out faint grunts.
" fuck-- what time is it, " he mumbled, his words slurred due to how tired he was, fading into nothing but a ragged breath.
Suddenly, he then hastily grabbed the sheet that was ontop of Sieun, dragged it over, and pulled it over his face, using it to cover him as he groaned.
Now, he was fully unclothed, no cloth or fabric to cover him. But honestly, it didn't exactly matter, given that Seongje was burying his head in the sheet. He exhaled shallowly, as he stood up, scanning the room for his clothes, picking them off the floor as he tried to walk as quiet as possible, trying not to bother, him.
After grabbing some boxers from one of his drawers, he headed over to his bathroom, doing his usual morning routine. As he faced the mirror, though, his eyes widened. Around his neck, his eye caught a faint red mark, almost that looked like a rash---obviously, it wasn't a rash. He felt at it with his hand, wincing as he touched the areas.
There were faint bite marks as well, around the sides, making Sieun wince. Looking at his chest, there were also faint marks all over, trailing from his upper body, across his chest, all the way towards his waist. It was like there were marks everywhere---anywhere he looked.
Sieun didnt even know how to react, didn't know what to think. The only emotion he felt, was feeling shocked, as he stared in awe.
All aside, though, he proceeded with his routine---brushing his teeth, quickly showering, and so on.
▪︎
As he walked out of the bathroom, already dressed in his school uniform, hair still damp from the shower, his eyes caught Seongje---still laying lifeless on his bed, sheet covering him, as he breathed heavily.
Not knowing what else to do, he refrained from interrupting him, as he walked over to his kitchen, turning on the lights due to how dark it was his surroundings were.
He started gathering cutlery and silverware to prepare his breakfast, trying to be as quiet as possible. But turns out, it was harder than he thought.
He heard a faint groan behind him, again, this time louder.
" can we turn the lights off, " Seongje mumbled in between a groan, the words slurred, barely even understandable.
Sieun couldn't even understand a word he said, as he stilled, turning around to face him in awe.
" what? " he said blankly, looking over at Seongje.
He caught him shift a bit, seeming as if he were trying to pull the sheet over his face even more than it was, as he let out a frustrated groan.
" fuck the lights-- their too bright, " he continued, this time sounding more understandle, at least.
After processing what he had said, he immediately turned away to face the nearby light switch, walking over to it.
" oh-- yeah, " Sieun muttered underneath his breath, switching off the light.
Now squinting his eyes, trying to make out his surroundings despite how dark it was, he continued preparing his food on the counter. As he did so, he caught Seongje in the corner of his eyes.
He slowly pulled the sheet off, revealing his exhausted face. His hair was messy, too, seeming as if he were consumed by a tornado. He rubbed his eyes groaning. When he stopped, he looked around, squinting his eyes.
" shit, where are my glasses, " he muttered underneath his breath, turning his head to look both ways, beside him.
He pushed himself up a bit, now sitting against the edge of the bed, as he turned his head to the sides, looking around the bed. Once he spotted them, he grabbed them, and immediately put them on.
Sieun watched in awe.
He noticed how he kept rubbing his head, placing his fingers on his forehead, groaning, as he if we're in, pain---he didn't want to jump to conclusions, though.
" are you okay? " Sieun asked blankly, still working with the food in front of him.
He heard him let out a heavy exhale, still continuing to rub his fingers across his head, closing his eyes.
" just a fucking hang over, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, continuesly rubbing his forehead as he closed his eyes tightly.
After sitting there, probably a few minutes or so, he finally stood up. Almost immediately, he almost stumbled to the floor, using the nearby wall to hold himself steady.
" mh-- i think im gonna puke, " he mumbled, as he brought one of his hands up to his mouth.
That immediately caught his attention, as he rushed over to him, without a thought.
" the bathroom is over here, " Sieun said hastily, tugging him by the wrist as he led him towards it, passing the doorway.
Almost immediately, Seongje fell to the floor, leaning over the toilet, gripping the sides as he coughed out into it, making Sieun cringe as he looked away.
For Seongje---his head was ringing, his stomach twisting. For some reason, the hangover felt so bad, probably one of the worst ones he had. But it gradually started to wear off, luckily Still leaning over the toilet, he then wiped his mouth, letting out a disgusted sigh. Sieun turned back to look at him, once he heard him seem normal, at least, standing just outside the doorway.
Seongje then stood up, grabbing one of the walls to steady himself, and slowly walked out of the doorway, pausing in front of Sieun. He was confused when he saw him refraining from looking at him---his eyes fluttering around them, not even landing on his gaze---despite him being right in front of him.
" what? " he muttered under his breath, furrowing his brows as he titled his head, slightly.
After a few seconds, he titled his head down enough, only to see that he was still, unclothed---not one piece of clothing covering his entire body. He let out a faint laugh, fading into a breath.
" oh shit, im still naked " he mumbled, as he looked down at his waist, then returning his gaze to Sieun, letting out a slight laugh.
Sieun exhaled, turning his head to the side.
" your clothes are over there, " Sieun said blankly, pointing over towards the bed, as he walked back into the kitchen to finish preparing his breakfast.
Seongje groaned, as he walked over---and instead of putting on his clothes, he just slumped back onto the bed, spreading himself his entire body out, stretching out like a cat.
Sieun looked up for a faint second, but his eyes immediately darted away when he saw Seongje, who he was expecting to be clothed by now. He hated to admit it, but he could feel his face growing hot, uncontrollably.
" i don't wanna wear that tight ass uniform, you got any sweatpants i can borrow, " he mumbled, in between a groan.
Sieun immediately exhaled, as he walked over to his dresser and began digging for some spair sweatpants, or atleast anything he could find---something to actually "cover" him up. He spotted a pair of black sweatpants, grabbed them, and gave them to him, still laying down against the bed, tilting his head to the side as he watched Sieun's every move.
" thanks, " he muttered, grabbing the pants from Sieun, a faint smile lined across his face.
Sieun made his way back to the kitchen, and finally with his food finished, he sat down at the counter facing away from Seongje, as he began eating his food. He could hear him shuffling behind him, shifting.
As he brought his cup up to his mouth, taking a sip of water, Seongje then said something abruptly.
" almost forgot we banged last night, huh? " he muttered with a slight laugh at the end.
▪︎
Sieun, mid sip, immediately choked on his drink, placing the glass down against the counter as he began coughing slightly. Seongje who must've heard his reaction, laughed at the sight, behind him.
How could he even say something like, that, so casually? Out loud, all suddenly, like it was normal---which obviously, it wasn't even near normal. All aside, though, he continued eating, despite knowing Seongje was, behind him, in his appartment.
He heard footsteps growing behind him against the wooden floor, as Seongje entered the kitchen, passing by the counter, his eyes looking around for something---something to eat, he assumed.
" jesus, how the fuck do you wake up this early? " he muttered, now opening Sieun's fridge like it was his, rubbing his eyes under his glasses.
Sieun watched him in awe, his mouth open, on the verge of saying something, or atleast saying something to stop him from snooping through his fridge. He then saw him grab a jug of water, screw the top off, and immediately begin gulping down the water, straight out of the jug, as if he had been on the verge of dying to dehydration.
He watched in awe, exhaling, trying to not say anything.
After at least a few seconds, he let out a deep exhale, as he placed the jug beside the fridge on the counter, now only half full. He turned around to face Sieun.
" you're school starts at like, eight or something right? " he mumbled, still squinting his eyes, using one of his hands to hold the counter behind him.
Sieun stared blankly down at the counter below him, still eating his food as seconds passed.
" yeah, " Sieun responded underneath his breath, keeping his gaze locked below him.
Seongje groaned.
" so why wake up this early? fucking lunatic, " he continued, rubbing his eyes again.
Sieun shrugged by the slightest, continuing to finish off his food that lied on the counter beneath him.
" i like to be prepared, " he blankly replied.
He heard Seongje let out a slight scoff.
" god, you really are a nerd, " he muttered underneath his breath, letting out a faint laugh that faded into nothing but a breath.
He tilted his head up slightly when he saw him, in corner of his eye, shift, as he began walking towards him.
He dragged out the chair beside him, and slumped down into it, groaning as he laid back. And in the matter of seconds, Sieun could feel him staring at him, watching him, beside him. He tried to refrain from looking, and just focused on eating his food. But it was so---weird. It was like, whenever Seongje was near him, especially this close, it always made him feel---scared? In a way. But not scared in a frightened way---he couldn't even find the words to explain it.
" how's it feel knowing i popped you're cherry, hm?" he said beside him, all of a sudden, his tone filled with something that made Sieun shiver.
His breath hitched, and it seemed as though his stomach betrayed him. It was like that feeling---when your on a roller coaster and your about to hit the drop, and as soon as you start dropping your stomach feels like it's about to burst. That's what he felt.
And he didn't even know what to say to that. What was he supposed to say? He just sat there, in silence, as he exhaled. Seongje was still looking at him, of course, staring deep into him, as he saw him lean in closer, by the slightest.
Seongje let out a slight scoff.
" you actually did pretty good, i was surprised how well you took it, " he continued, a grin lined across his face.
How did he even have the audacity to talk about it like that---to talk about something like, this, as if it were a normal thing, something casual. Especially while Sieun was trying to focus ; trying to finish his food, and head to school.
It went silent for a bit ; all he could hear was Seongje's shallow breathes.
" i didn't hurt you, right? " Seongje said suddenly, his voice seemingly quieter than usually, still staring at Sieun.
If he was going to be honest, the whole feeling, actually did hurt, a lot. There was no denying that, especially since this was a new feeling, completely unfamiliar---something he's never experienced before, not even close.
" no, " he simply replied, as he stood up, now walking over to the sink to wash his plates.
Seongje let out a sigh, almost shocked.
" hm, really? you sure you're not just making that up? " he said with a mocking tone, watching Sieun as he tilted his head by the slightest.
He sighed, continuing to put his plates away, now that they've been washed.
" did you want to hurt me or something? " he hastily replied, with a questioning tone, turning to face Seongje.
Honestly, he kind of already knew the answer to that question. After fighting Seongje at least two times already, he already figured that Seongje was a masochist---enjoyed seeing people in pain, inflicting it.
" hm, maybe just a little bit, " he said with a mocking tone, a faint grin lined across his face as he kept his gaze locked on Sieun.
He wasn't surprised. Sieun just sighed, as he walked over to his desk to start getting his backpack ready. He made sure to pack up his notebook, his pen, and any other items he had on his desk, as he placed them inside. He then picked it up, and threw the straps across his arms, now heading for the door.
" hey wait, let me get dressed, " Seongje said all of a sudden, now grabbing his scrunched up clothes that laid on the floor, scattered.
He picked up his black shirt, and threw it over his head, pulling it down. Sieun couldn't help but watch as he did so. He held his maroon blazer and pants in his other hand, as he followed Sieun towards the door. Sieun opened it, walked out, and waited for Seongje to come out before closing it, locking it immediately.
Seongje watched.
" oh yeah, that night i took your drugged ass home, your door was unlocked, " he said, staring at Sieun's hands locking the door.
" what? " Sieun immediately said, pulling the key out as he turned to face Seongje beside him.
He caught a smile curling around his face, as his eyes fluttered around him, seeming as if he were, laughing?
" yeah, it was kind of funny, someone could've broke in and stole all your fucking shit, " he added, snickering as he looked at Sieun's face.
Sieun let out an exhale, turning his head to the side as he tried to recall anything that may of involved him, not locking his door. But any attempt at doing so, failed, as he couldn't even remember a thing.
" i might've forgot to lock it when i went to school, " he muttered underneath his breath, now walking towards the stairwell, Seongje trailing beside him.
They were now walking down the stairs, the sound of footsteps echoing throughout the walls that surrounded them. As they hit the bottom, Sieun continued walking, making his way for the sidewalk by the main road. He stopped when he reached it.
He almost jumped back, his body jerking slightly backward, when Seongje, still right beside him, leaned in close---close enough so that his mouth right infront of his ear. Sieun almost flinched at such an unexpected action.
" see you later, hm? " he purred into his ear, making Sieun shudder as soon as he felt the heat of his breathes hit him, hard.
He then proceeded, without any warning, to bite his ear softly, making Sieun gasp as he shuddered.
Seongje pulled back, now face to face with Sieun. He eyed him up and down, with a faint grin.
" god, you're so fucking sensitive huh? " he muttered underneath his breath, eyes fluttering across Sieun's dumbfounded face.
He then turned around, slightly laughing, as he walked the opposite way, down the sidewalk, muttering something that Sieun couldn't understand. Sieun, still standing still, came back to reality as he saw cars passing by him, catching his vision.
He exhaled, regrouping his thoughts, as he began walking up the sidewalk, towards Eunjang.
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| 8 : 16 A M
He was now in class, sitting at his desk, fixated on the teacher's lecture in front of him. As he listened, writing notes down periodically, he tried to focus as best as he could.
But something kept making his way back into his mind, creeping passed his thoughts, making his breath hitch whenever it passed by his mind.
Overall, though, his classes went by surprisingly fast---mathematics, physics, history, and so on. Of course, his body still ached from last night, only making him feel worse whilst at school, tensing at the feeling.
And finally, the bell rang at four PM, students clamoring to get out of class, brushing passed him as they hastily threw on their backpacks. Sieun followed, placing his air pods inside of his ears as he proceeded to leave the school, passing through packed hallways.
As he walked along the concrete side walk, the sun setting as the sky gradually held a tint of orange, he heard a notification from his phone, vibrating in his pocket.
He felt inside his pocket, grabbed the phone, and held it out infront of him as he walked. Almost immediately, he noticed that the notification was from a message. He, in the matter of seconds, recognized the contact.
| ' [ Unknown User ] '
At this point, it wasn't even unknown---he knew exactly who the person was.
Seeing the text message made him stop his music, and halt himself in the middle of the pathway, as students walked by his side, flowing passed him.
He exhaled, as he opened the notification.
| come over im bored - 4 : 05 P M
Frustration consumed him, as he stared blankly down at the phone resting in his hand.
> I'm going to cram school. - 4 : 06 P M
He replied, knowing that he can't miss his classes, that he can't prioritize someone like, him, over education.
| oh cmon ditch for me sieun - 4 : 06 P M
Seongje replied immediately, shocking Sieun by how fast, he really types. I mean, it would make sense---he's constantly on his phone whenever he had seen him ; kneeling down in the bathroom, lounging back against his chair at the bowling alley.
Sieun exhaled, a sigh of frustration.
He stood there, frozen, not knowing what to say---he had no idea what to say, how to reply.
Obviously, his academics were extremely important to him.
Then, he recieved another message.
| it'll be worth it - 4 : 07 P M
Sieun sighed. He looked at the text message, and looked back up at the route he was supposed to take towards his cram school. It was hard, making a decision, closing between, him. He knew that deep down inside, but denied to admit it, that he, 'missed,' him---he missed his body, his touch, the way he--- He stopped himself from going any further, closing his eyes tightly as he let out a ragged exhale.
Sieun exhaled sharply. He began typing hastily, despite strong hesitation.
> What's your address - 4 : 08 P M
An immediate reply.
| oh so now you're trying to stalk me? - 4 : 08 P M
Sieun just knew, that he had that sickening grin lined across his face right now.
| I'm serious. - 4 : 08 P M
Sieun was annoyed, irritated, by the fact that he was acting like, this? Acting so---he couldn't even describe, him.
| haha kidding, ill air drop you it - 4 : 09 P M
He got the notification, saw the location, and immediately began walking towards it.
Guilt filled his insides, as he felt as if he had betrayed himself. Why was he doing this? Why was he putting him above school?
He tried not to care, tried to bury all his thoughts, as he walked down the side streets, inching his way closer towards Seongje's apartment.
☆
Notes:
♡
Chapter Text
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| 4 : 31 P M
The complex seemed nice, definitely better taken care of compared to Sieun's, at least. The design was nice, the landscaping neatly placed---the air even smelled good, too ; that crisp smell right after it has stopped pouring rain.
He walked up the stairs, taking off his air pods and placing them into his pockets. He then walked down the hallway lining the numerous doors, the air brushing against him, as he eyed the apartment numbers to his left. Finally, he arrived at the number that his location was labeled, making his heart skip a beat.
He stood still, infront of the door.
Was he really doing this? Was he really about to leave school behind, just for someone as---he didn't even know how to describe him. He could feel the butterflies within him, making him exhale sharply. The tension was unbearable.
But in the matter of seconds, he did it.
He reached for the door, rasising his arm up, and knocked three times, exhaling as he did so.
The seconds of silence stretched on for what seemed like minutes, hours on end. The anticipation was killing him. He waited infront of his door, waiting to hear anything---something along the lines of shuffling, of foot steps.
Then, all of the sudden, the lock clicked, and the door swung open slowly.
There he was, standing just behind the doorway that separated them. A confused look washed over Sieun's face, as he furrowed his brows, eyeing him.
He looked almost as if he had just woken up from hibernation, a deep sleep, atleast. His messy hair was ruffled, as he rubbed his eyes under his glassss, letting out a faint groan.
As if it wasn't already noticeable, he was also---shirtless, nothing covering his upper body, wearing only black sweatpants as clothes. He assumed that they were the same ones he gave him, back at his appartment.
Seongje then yawned, running his fingers through his messy hair.
" mh, come in " he muttered underneath his breath, motioning Sieun to enter with a slight shift of his head.
It was only four PM, almost five? Why was he so tired? It confused Sieun, but if he was going to be honest, seeing him like this wasn't the worst thing in the world---he looked, undeniably good.
He walked in slowly, passing by Seongje. Once he hit the middle of the room, he examined his appartment, gazing to the left and right. Surprisingly, it was actually really clean, no sign of anything slightly off, which was a shock for Sieun, knowing Seongje. The room smelled nice, almost like the cologne he smelt from him, the other day.
He then turned to face Seongje, who was leaning against the wall directly to the right of him. Of course, like always, his eyes were narrowed on Sieun's, staring deeply, as he leaned his head back against the wall, arms crossed.
" were you sleeping? " he said blankly, fluttering his eyes across the room once again, trying to refrain from looking at, him---at his body.
" yeah, barely got any sleep last night, " he said, his voice slightly slurred due to his tiredness.
Sieun then slowly turned to face Seongje, still leaning up against the wall, all menacingly.
" wow, so you really did ditch just for me, " he said surprisingly, now pushing himself off the wall and proceeding to step closer towards Sieun, slowly.
Sieun locked eyes with him.
" i didn't really have a choice, " he said underneath his breath, as Seongje glared at him.
Seongje paused, as he was now noticeably close to Sieun, eyes narrowed down at his.
It was that scent again---the strong, sweet smell of cologne he smelt everytime he was near him. He exhaled at the smell, tilting his head down a bit.
" mh, yeah you really didn't, " Seongje muttered, towering above Sieun.
Sieun gasped inaudibly, shifting his gaze towards his side, as he felt Seongje brush his hand up against his upper body. He was now playing with the straps of his backpack---running his finger along the fabric, pressing down firmly, hooking his fingers around the sides.
He leaned in close---so close, that Sieun flinched when he felt his warm lips brush up against the side of his face, his breath immediately hitting him, hard.
" take it off, " he muttered quietly, lips pressed against his skin, gaze still locked on Sieun's face.
His eyes caught Seongje lean back slightly---enough so that their eyes locked, for a brief second. And of course, without any questions, Sieun did so, stripping the backpack off of his back, pulling the straps off his sides, as he lowered it down, below him.
He looked back up at Seongje, as he felt him place his hand on his jaw, gripping it tightly as he lifted Sieun to face him directly, tilting his head up.
Seongje looked deep into his eyes, eyeing him up and down, letting out slightly ragged exhales.
" fuck, you don't know what you do to me sieun, " he muttered, almost a whisper, as Sieun could feel the heat of his breath against his face.
▪︎
And then, after exchanging eye contact for at least a few seconds, their faces clashed in the matter of seconds, as Seongje began restlessly kissing him---running his tongue along his insides, sucking on his tongue, pressing his lips firmly against his---making Sieun gasp into his mouth by how sudden it seemed.
It was messy, so rough that he felt as if he were being suffocated. But obviously, he was used to it, barely. After seeing Seongje so many times, maybe four or so, he's gotten slightly used to his rough play, making him cringe at how willingly, he engages with it.
He could still feel his tight grip against his jaw, tilting his head upwards as he held his mouth still, when all of a sudden Seongje began moving him backwards, almost causing him to stumble at the sudden action. Sieun's eyes were closed, hoping he wouldn't fall backwards, as Seongje held his jaw at a tight grip, his tongue down his throat.
They made their way to the bedroom, dimly lit, pulling each other closer---Sieun clinging onto him as if he were the only thing keeping him stable---as they continued devouring one anothers' mouth, all while walking simultaneously. He completely forgot he was shirtless, when he placed his hands against his soft chest in order to balance himself.
After a few seconds of rigorous and restless movements, Seongje came to a halt, pulled back, and pushed Sieun back aggressively, making him stumble and fall onto his bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. He was panting like a dog, lips glossy from saliva.
Seongje stood there, towering over him as he panted on his bed. He didn't know how, but he always ended up below him, underneath him.
After a few seconds of heavy breathes and continuous eyeing, Seongje broke the silence that hung over them.
" get on your knees, " Seongje muttered above him, almost a whisper, glaring down at Sieun, as he narrowed his sight on him.
His eyes grew wide when he heard those words.
He immediately felt---scared, almost. But he ended up concealing any of his emotions, as he looked wearily up at Seongje. So as he looked up at Seongje, hesitation hitting him hard, he finally complied, slowly pushing himself off the edge of the bed and proceeding to get down, on his knees.
His eyes were fixated infront of him, as he caught Seongje move in closer, staring down at Sieun, closing the space in between his face, and his waist.
It didn't take long for him to recognize what was happening. He knew it was coming, he knew he would make him do something like, this. So, he braced himself, as he tilted his head up slightly to face Seongje.
Like always, he was eyeing him up and down, taking in the view like it was the most amazing thing in the entire world. He then, all of a sudden, felt Seongje brush his hand along his head, running his long fingers through his soft hair, as he gripped him. He shuddered, as a result, his eyes fluttering closed as he tensed.
" come on, i'm waiting, " Seongje muttered above him, his voice still raspy and tired.
Sieun didnt even know how to explain it, but there was something about his voice, that---he couldn't even find the words. Ever since their first encounter, at the bowling alley, he couldnt stand the sound of his voice. He exhaled audibly as he slowly tilted his head up at Seongje, glaring down at him. He then focused his view back at his waist, right in front of him.
He was atleast expecting him to take the lead, to make the first move---but turns out that wasn't what Seongje had in mind.
Now directly facing his waist---the growing hardness peaking through the sweatpants---he placed his hands against the waist and, hooking his fingers around the straps, as he slowly pulled the pants down, resting them a little bit below his waist. His length was now directly infront of his face, just barely grazing against his wet lips.
Seongje was mesmerized---as if he were in a trance, staring down at Sieun below him. The anticipation was killing him, though, as he stood there watching, waiting. He grunted at the feeling---the feeling of Sieun's breath hitting him, the heat hitting directly against him ; the warmth of his lips against him.
But after a few seconds of staying still, Sieun, closing his eyes, finally slid the front of his mouth onto him, pressing his lips down, immediately making Seongje let out a soft groan. He began running his tongue along him, flicking it against the slit, moving his tongue in a circular motion, softly. He didn't want to rush anything, especially since this was his first time doing such a thing. As he did so, he could feel Seongje's tightening against his hair, sending a shiver down his spine.
However, the intention of not rushing anything and going soft was completely shattered in under a minute or so, when Sieun felt his head get pushed further, deeper, as Seongje pushed him slowly forward.
His mouth was now halfway in, making him groan, closing his eyes tightly, as he gripped Seongje's waist tightly for support.
He heard Seongje let out a faint laugh, over heavy breathes.
Hand still tightly gripping his hair, he began shifting his head back in forth, his wet mouth running up against his length. It took him a minute to adjust and get used to the feeling, but after a few movements, he was able to relax his throat. And at this point, Seongje was breathing heavily, letting out muffled groans here and there.
As he pushed his mouth back and forth, he started using his tongue, without a second thought---running it along the sides of his length.
Seongje let out a muffled moan, gripping Sieun's head tighter
" fuck, keep using your tongue-- just like that, " Seongje muttered above him, in between a faint groan, his grip growing tighter each second.
Sieun complied, continuing run his tongue along Seongje. He could feel himself rubbing up against the thin fabric of his pants, making him realize that he's still in his school uniform.
But after atleast a minute of taking the lead, Seongje finally turned things around. All of a sudden, he gripped Sieun's hair tightly, and began sliding his head back and forth, making him go deeper and deeper. Sieun groaned against him, closing his eyes tightly as he dug his fingers into Seongje's waist.
Seongje breathed heavily, grunting at some points, as he pushed and pulled Sieun's head back and forth. At some point, Seongje was shoving his head so deep, to the point where he couldn't handle it anymore. He needed to breath, to rest his sore throat.
So, he pushed back against his waist, his hand trembling---and surprisingly, Seongje let go of his head, making him pull back immediately, dragging his mouth out of him.
As he hastily slid his mouth out, he immediately began gasping for air, coughing slightly, as his head fell down. His eyes were teary, too, and his lips were slick with saliva, dripping down at the edges.
" what is it, hm? can't breath? " Seongje said mockingly, leaning down towards Sieun to face him, his voice tinted with 'worry.'
He then gripped Sieun's hair again, now pulling his head back to make him, face him, directly, as he tilted his head upwards. He eyed him up and down, a faint grin lined across his face, as he breathed raggedly.
All of a sudden, he leaned in close, so that he was face to face with him, inches away.
" i'll make sure you fucking choke, " Seongje muttered, barely a whisper, staring deep into Sieun's weary eyes.
Those words made Sieun tremble, not physically, but inside. He couldn't tell whether or not he was being serious, if he was just messing around to 'scare' him, but he would soon find out.
He then pulled back, and stood up once again. Of course, without any warning, he aggressively shoved Sieun's head forward, deep into him, and began sliding his mouth back and forth. And at this point, Sieun was practically moaning against him, uncontrollably, letting Seongje 'use him.'
It felt uncomfortable, as it seemed after every movement he was inching deeper and deeper. But he managed to get somewhat, used to it.
However, after at least a minute, the sound of a phone ringing blared through the room, piercing through the silence that surrounded them. Seongje immediately held his head still, resting his head halfway through. Sieun closed his eyes tightly, breathing heavily though his nose, his grip tightening against Seongje's waist.
" shit, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket with his right hand, the left still holding his grip tight against Sieun.
He answered the phone call, making Sieun's heart skip a beat. God---he was still, inside of him, like this, and he was answering a call.
" what, " Seongje said blankly, panting heavily, putting the phone against his ear as he held it up.
He then looked down at Sieun, and began moving his head back and forth once again, making him groan immediately.
" what? " he repeated after a few seconds, now with an annoyed tone.
He was still sliding Sieun's head back and forth, not even letting a second thought pass by his head, not letting any hesitation get to him.
" yeah, im kind of busy right now, " he said in between heavy breathes, looking down at Sieun as he pushed his head deeper and deeper.
After a few grueling seconds, though, he finally let go of Sieun's head, releasing his tight grip, making him immediately pull back to breath. He breathed heavily, as he looked up at Seongje, who was of course, glaring down at him, still holding the phone against his ear.
" keep going, " he muttered quietly, staring deep into Sieun's teary eyes.
| [ what !? ] - the phone hummed quietly.
Seongje turned his gaze up, as he groaned with annoyance, tilting his head back.
" nothing, just get one of the fucking guys to do it ok? " he continued, letting out a faint gasp when Sieun continued pressed his mouth against him.
He then ended the call in an instant, bringing his arm back down, now looking at his phone.
" jesus, " he mumbled under his breath, his eyes fluttering open and closed at the feeling.
Looking at his phone, whilst Sieun continued, an idea immediately slipped passed his mind. A faint grin curled around his mouth.
Using his thumb and gripping the phone with his other fingers, he clicked at the screen as he opened the camera, positioned the phone at a perfect angle, and snapped a picture.
" mh, you look so cute sucking me off in your pretty uniform, " he said mockingly, looking at his phone.
The phone made a shutter noise, immediately making Sieun look up, eyes wide. He paused, too. Seongje let out a muffled laugh, embracing the fear in Sieun's teary eyes.
" don't worry, it's for safe keeping, " he reassured him, looking down at Sieun.
He then through his phone across the room, onto the bed, making a thud sound against the soft mattress.
" saving that for later, " he muttered underneath his breath, as he gripped Sieun's head once again, pushing his head back and forth.
Sieun groaned, as he did so. He couldn't believe he was letting someone do this to him, especially someone like him. He was letting him do something like, this? Letting him, do something like this, without even taking a second to fight back, to stop him, shove him away. Of course, he wasnt usually the one to take orders from others, only when it came to teachers and professionals. However, with others, it usually resulted in a threat, or a fight.
But with Seongje, it was---complicated. He didn't know how to explain it ; why he let him do these things to him, but he tried to refrain from thinking about it, and focus on the sensation.
After a minute or so of groaning and grunting, Seongje finally let go of Sieun's head, exhaling as he did so.
▪︎
Sieun pulled back, pushing against his waist, breathing heavily, as he wiped his mouth. God, it felt so good to breath again.
But as if he couldn't catch a break, Seongje then grabbed him hastily by the collar of his blazer, pulled him up, and kissed him aggressively, their mouths clashing in the matter of seconds, making Sieun cling on to his chest for support. Having his tongue in his mouth, down his throat, made his mind blurry. He groaned faintly inside of his mouth, gripping his smooth skin tightly.
He didn't even know when they had started moving, until he realized they were now on the bed, shifting against it, as Seongje pushed him closer and closer towards the bed frame. After a series of haste movements, Seongje finallgly pulled back, making Sieun's head fall down to rest on the pillow.
It felt so good, finally resting his head back on a soft pillow, after being pulled back and forth a dozen times by Seongje's rough grip. His eyes fluttered open and closed at the feeling.
They both breathed heavily, Seongje leaning above him. He shuddered slightly, when he felt Seongje's start messing with the tie around his neck, using his fingers to mess with the fabric, running his finger along it.
" you gonna take these off or should i? " he muttered softly, with an erotic tone, as he leaned in close and started playing with his tie.
His stomach sank at the words, as his breath got caught in his throat.
Without any words, he began hastily tearing his clothes off. He brought his hands down as he unzipped his pants, pulling them down below Seongje, and throwing them to the side. He continued with his blazer, pulling it off his sided, and then hastily ripping off white shirt, along with the tie that hung around his neck. And in the corner of his eye, he could just barely, see Seongje hooking his fingers around his pants that rested just below his crotch, as he pulled them down above him, shoving them off to the side.
He was now almost naked, below Seongje. The only thing remaining was his boxers, the only piece of clothing covering him.
Seongje, leaning close into Sieun, began slowly running his hand up Sieun's body, brushing his warm fingers up against his smooth skin---starting below his waist, and inching towards his chest.
Sieun exhaled heavily, as he closed his eyes.
It was crazy how weak he made him feel, especially when he was touching him like, that. His warm hand against his soft skin felt mesmerizing, and made him fold, in the matter of seconds. After running his hand down Sieun's chest, he leaned forward and placed his head between his neck and shoulder, running his wet tongue around the side of his neck.
Almost immediately, Sieun let out a shallow moan, as he felt the warmth of Seongje's tongue against his skin. As he licked his neck, sucking the areas along his side, he began to feel Seongje, rubbing himself against his, pressing himself firmly against him, shifting his length back and forth, practically grinding against him.
That dragged a noise out of Sieun's throat, aroused by the friction between his boxers and firm movements. He could feel Seongje sucking harder against his neck, growing rougher by the second, even biting his neck at some points. And there was no denying, that it felt good. To enhance the sensation, Sieun placed his hand against Seongje's warm back, gripping tightly as he began moving his hips to match Seongje's grinding.
Sieun continued to moan softly, breathing heavily, as he rocked his hips back and forth against him, without hesitation, tilting his head back against the pillow beneath him at the feeling, as he dug his fingers into Seongje's back.
Suddenly, though, Seongje paused for a second, his mouth movements coming to a halt, and let out muffled laugh.
" you're so fucking desperate, " he muttered near Sieun's ear, against the side of his neck, in between heavy pants, still grinding against Sieun.
Sieun leaned his head back as he closed his eyes, letting out a heavy exhale.
" shut up-- " Sieun mumbled in between faint moans and heavy breathes, closing his eyes at the feeling.
" oh, you want me to stop? " Seongje continued, his voice ragged and hoarse against his skin, obviously teasing him.
Sieun exhaled in annoyance, his grip tightening against his back, making Seongje grunt at the feeling.
" no, " he muttered, breathing heavily, the word barely slipping out of his mouth as he continued moving against Seongje, desperately.
Seongje let out a faint groan, his breath hitting against Sieun's sensitive skin, as he shuddered slightly, beneath him.
" thought so, " Seongje muttered against his neck, his lips brushing up against his skin, as he breathed raggedly.
Seongje laughed near his ear---not one of his usual laughs, but a more softer, deep one; one that made Sieun's heart beat faster.
And god---it felt so good. The friction between the thin fabric covering him and Seongje's hard length, felt---he didn't even know how to describe it. He closed his eyes as he kept rolling his waist back and forth, urging for more, as he breathed heavily.
He could feel Seongje's warm breath against his neck, and even hear it, too.
" you like it when i talk into your ear, don't you? " he muttered softly against his neck, breathing heavily.
Sieun's head was blurry from the arousal, as he could just barely process what he had said.
" what-- " he mumbled, the word barely coming out as nothing but a shaky breath, still gripping Seongje's back tightly.
" mh, you don't think I notice the way you shiver, when i do this, hm? " he continued, closer to him, now, that his lips were pressed tightly against his skin.
Sieun exhaled, his eyes closed, still panting like a dog while letting out quiet moans. It hurt for him to admit it. How could he even notice such a small thing---obviously, he's very observant, so I guess it would make sense. But all aside, knowing that, made him feel ashamed, guilty.
Seongje breathed heavily near his ear, his breath hitting the side of his neck---until felt Seongje lean closer towards him, as he could feel his lips brushing up against his ear.
" god, you're such a slut, " he purred into his ear, quietly, his voice ragged and hoarse against him---making Sieun tremble.
He didn't know how to react to those words ; no one's ever said anything like that, to him before, so it was kind of---weird. So he just let out a loud exhale, continuing to breath heavily.
And after what seemed like forever, Seongje finally came to a halt, still leaning over him. Sieun exhaled shakily, still breathing heavily and his mind hazy from the feeling.
" it's crazy how just my voice can make you so fucking hard, " he muttered, face close to Sieun's, as he began running his hand along the fabric that lined his boxers, playing lazily with the strap.
Sieun gasped inaudibly at the feeling of his touch, as closed his eyes.
He felt his hand move along the fabric, slowly running over his bulge at some points, making him wince. He gripped Seongje's back tightly with his right hand, using his other to grip the soft pillow behind him. He teased Sieun for a few seconds, running his fingers along the waistband, until he finally, slowly, hooked his fingers against the stap, and pulled them down, throwing them to the side.
Sieun was now bare, right infront of him, below him, making his heart beat even faster. He caught Seongje spit onto his fingers, running his tongue along them for a few seconds, as he lowered them towards his lower body. He watched as he did so, in awe, his chest rising back and forth.
His mind felt blurry, hazy, but it didn't take him long to comprehend what was coming next. He hated admitting it, showing it---but he knew that he was, desperate, for something like this. At least for the moment, he was.
So the minutes following that, would be filled with desperation.
☆
Chapter Text
☆
His mind was blurry, as he breathed heavily, his chest rising up and down. He watched him, leaning above him, as he slowly lowered his hand, slick with saliva, below Sieun's lower body.
Seongje brought over his free hand and placed it against Sieun's thigh, urging him to spread his legs, slowly.
The bed sheets below him were soft and plush, as he became to notice, which in a way, made him feel more comfortable---despite being practically trapped inside of Seongje's appartment.
Sieun, watching in awe, leting out a faint noise when he felt Seongje's wet fingers start rubbing his entrance, pressing firmly, in circular motions. He exhaled heavily as a result, his legs shuddering slightly.
His eyes fluttered between Seongje's menacing looking hand, and his face, directly above his. Somehow, his glasses were still resting against his face, and his hair looked as perfect as ever, despite being slightly messy. Everytime he looked up, he, was always glaring down at him---not one of those evil glares, but a look that expresses how obsessed you are with someone, how drawn in you are by them. He was always giving him that look.
After teasing him for what felt like minutes on end, Sieun finally felt two long fingers slide in, brushing passed him, immediarely making a ragged moan escape his mouth. His grip against Seongje's back tightened, as his fingers dug into his smooth skin, making him grunt.
Closing his eyes, he felt Seongje shift---felt him lean closer, enough so that their warm chests were pressed against one another. A shallow gasp managed to escape his throat, in between shaky breathes, when he felt him his lips brush up against the side of his face.
" you sound so fucking good, " Seongje muttered against him, the voice fading into nothing but a ragged breath.
He shuddered underneath him, his body trembling by the slightest, as he continued with his movements, pressing his fingers inside of him. Suddenly, though, his eyes fluttered open when he felt Seongje grab his hand that was digging into the pillow behind him, and slowly pull it over. His eyes widened by the slightest, when he brought his hand lower---underneath his body, just above his waist, as he then held his hand up to his length, still.
" feel that, hm? feel how fucking hard i am, " he muttered underneath his breath, his lips still brushing up against his face, as his voice grew more hoarse by the second.
After a few seconds, he slowly pulled back Sieun's hand from against him, and in the matter of seconds, shoved it back against the pillow behind him, holding his hand down as he gripped it, tightly. He leaned back just enough, too---enough so that he could see Sieun, so that his gaze immediately locked on him.
He closed his eyes tightly, his fingers now digging into Seongje's hand, his legs trembling, as he felt his fingers rubbing his insides, curling, caressing. He didn't know how he could do it, how he even knew how to do it, but he always managed to find the spot that hit him hard the most---he didn't even want to ask questions. He could feel him pressing against a certain area, and it felt---he couldn't even describe it. It was like all his moves were calculated perfectly, planned strategically, only making him grow weak, as a result.
However, he could see, in the corner of his eye, Seongje glaring down at him, his eyes narrowed as he watched each and every reaction that Sieun gave him. Sieun gripped tightly against him.
" do you-- have to look at me, when you're doing this, " Sieun muttered in between heavy breathes, the words barely slipping out of his mouth, as he closed his eyes tightly.
Seongje immediately let out a muffled laugh, mixed with a scoff.
" of course i do, you look so fucking cute, " he said mockingly, his face directly above Sieun's as he continued running his fingers inside of him.
" and it turns me on, seeing how good you look when i touch you, like this, " he added, breathing heavily, a faint smile lined across his face.
Sieun exhaled shakily in response, leaning his head back against the plush pillow. Of course it turned him on---it was like everything he did, turned him on, especially when it involved fighting or arguing. Sieun couldn't even understand how he worked---he was so, complicated.
" it's just-- embarrassing, " he muttered underneath his breath, his eyes locked on Seongje's moving hand, breathing heavily as his chest rose back and forth.
Seongje let out a sharp exhale, noticeably leaning closer.
" does it look like a give a fuck, " he added, barely a breath, leaning closer towards Sieun's face, so that he could feel the heat of his breath.
Sieun's eyes fluttered upwards as his gaze hit him, still letting out ragged breathes and shaky exhales from his movements.
As soon as they're eyes locked, though, he then felt a third finger slide in, making him close his eyes tightly as he tilted his head back against the pillow, a loud noise escaping his throat. He gripped Seongje's hand tightly behind him, and dug his nails into his back, making him grunt.
And at this point, he couldnt even conceal his noises---it felt too good. The way his fingers moved inside of him was intoxicating, unbearable, almost. Each movement hit an area that made immediately dragged a faint moan out of him, and it was, indescribable. He closed his eyes, as he faced the ceiling, his head pressing deep into the pillow behind him.
Finally, after at least a full minute, Seongje slowly slid his fingers out, brushing passed him, making Sieun let out a ragged groan as a result. And god---his insides felt so, wet? It made him cringe at the feeling. How was it possible that, he, could even do that? He didn't even want to know.
" fuck, you're already so wet, " he muttered underneath his breath, a faint smile lined across his face, as he proceeded to lick the fingers that were literally, just inside of him.
He ran his tongue along the tips, dragging his tongue against each and every one of them, eyeing Sieun.
Sieun watched in awe, trying not to cringe, as he breathed shakily belong Seongje. How could someone be so, crazy? So insane.
▪︎
His eyes shifted his gaze towards his lower body, as he watched as Seongje positioned himself towards him a bit more, lowering his crotch as he held himself stable with his knees and arms. Sieun closed his eyes, letting out a soft gasp, when he felt him press against him, firmly.
In the matter of seconds, he then leaned forward towards Sieun, and began restlessly kissing him, releasing his tight grip against his hand and placing it against his shoulder as he gripped it tightly. Their lips clashed, as Seongje pushed his tongue into his mouth, making him groan.
They were both breathing heavily, when Seongje pulled back, his face still inches away from Sieun's, as he tilted his head downwards to face his waist. They're foreheads were touching noticeably. He then slowly pushed himself into Sieun, deep, almost feeling as if he went all the way in. He let out a faint groan as he did so, turning his head back up to face Sieun's, inches away.
As Sieun breathed heavily, a loud noise escaping his throat as he still adjusted to the feeling, Seongje began aggressively kissing him again, as their mouths clashed. Sieun placed his hand on his chest for support, gripping tightly, as he felt Seongje slide the hand against his shoulder around the back of his neck, pulling him closer.
As he did so, he suddenly felt Seongje begin to move his waist, thrusting back and forth, surprisingly slow.
Almost immediately, Sieun let out a loud noise, now moaning into his mouth, obviously muffled due to Seongje. He closed his eyes tightly. His grip against his smooth chest tightened, as he felt him moving back and forth, pushing his hips forward.
After barely even being able to breath for a minute or so, Seongje pulled back, letting out a faint groan above him. He moved his hand from the back of his neck, towards his waist, running his hand along his slick skin, brushing passed his chest.
It didn't take Sieun long to notice how sweaty he was---he could feel the sweat dripping down the sides of his head, slick around his entire body. If he was going to be honest, the room actually felt, cold, making him have the urge to pull him closer. He wanted to feel his chest up against his, to feel the warmth, and enclose the space in between them.
So, as he breathed shakily, moaning at some points, he placed both his hands against Seongje's slick back and pulled him down, making their bodies touch, in the matter of seconds. Seongje grunted as a result, slightly confused by such an action. With his head now close to his, he wrapped his hand along the back of his neck and pulled him down, forcing him Seongje's head down beside Sieun's.
He wanted to figure out a way to conceal his noises, to stop himself from, being so loud. It was embarrassing---how Seongje could hear him, like this. But after pulling Seongje closer, he then gripped his back tightly, sliding his hands upwards near the back of his shoulders, as he pressed his lips down against his skin, sucking down against him---muffling his noises.
Seongje, in response, let out a loud exhale, dumbfounded by such an action. It was weird at first---he wasn't expecting him to even have the audacity to do such a thing, but honestly, after the bowling alley, he wouldn't be surprised.
He groaned softly as a result, aroused by such a feeling, as Sieun sucked hard against his neck, his noises muffled.
" fuck, " Seongje huffed underneath his breath, groaning at a low tone.
Sieun could feel him pushing deeper and deeper inside of him. His movements were slow, not fast, which was surprising knowing him. But speed aside, he was going deep---deep enough to make Sieun moan each time he hit the right spot, which he seemed to be doing, each time.
Their chests were pressing against each other, brushing back and forth, as Sieun could feel Seongje's upperbody rising back and forth against him. The warmth felt nice, as it spread throughout his entire body.
And as Sieun continued sucking, like it was the only thing keeping him alvive, letting out muffled moans, Seongje then said something that of course, was---crazy.
Seongje breathed heavily, grunting above him, as he positioned himself near Sieun's ear---Sieun could feel his lips brushing up, against him, each breath hitting him hard.
" bite my neck, " he muttered underneath his breath, almost a whisper over his ragged exhales, making Sieun's heart skip a beat.
Sieun immediately stopped sucking, and pulled back his lips from against him, his moans now audible, as his face was inches away from Seongje's neck.
" wh-- " Sieun mumbled, the word coming out as nothing but a shaky exhale, panting like a dog.
Seongje groaned beside him, continuing to drag himself back, and shove his waist forward.
" fucking bite me you bitch, " Seongje muttered hastily, his head resting against the mattress beside Sieun, as he groaned heavily.
Sieun's head felt blurry, but it didn't take him long to comprehend what he was asking for. Obviously, Seongje was clearly, insane, derranged at most---so it was kind of given that he would have a kink for such a thing. However, he didn't want to hurt him, at least, so he was weary about doing so.
Hesitation erupted inside of him ; he's never even bitten someone before, so it was---weird.
But all aside, he finally complied, as he leaned in close, pressed his warm lips down, and dug his teeth into Seongje's slick neck. He didn't bite hard, though---but for Seongje, it didn't matter.
Almost immediately, Seongje let out a ragged moan, followed by raspy grunts and faint groans. Sieun continued letting out noises, lost in the feeling, as his teeth remained against Seongje's neck.
" harder, . . fuck, " Seongje muttered near his ear, barely even a breath, as he continued breathing heavily, groaning.
God---he really is insane. Sieun thought he was biting hard enough, so how was this not, hurting him? Despite being hesitant, though, he still did it, now digging his teeth deeper into Seongje's skin as he moaned against him.
Seongje was now groaning, noticeably---probably the loudest he's heard him throughout all the times they've, met up. It was near his ear too, making his face feel as if it were boiling each and every time he heard his, voice. As he dug his teeth into his soft skin, he felt Seongje's hand move onto his head, gripping his soft hair as he pushed Sieun further into his neck.
He could feel Seongje's hand trembling, his fingers vibrating, as he gripped his head tightly. How could pain even be enjoyable? He had no idea how Seongje was even bearing this, but it seemed to be working, judging by his noises, atleast. As he continued biting down on his neck, he could feel Seongje gradually speeding up, thrusting faster and faster inside of him. That, paired with how deep he was going, made Sieun melt. He couldnt help it, but he bit down harder as Seongje began going rougher, going harder. It felt weird, biting down on skin---but a part of him grew to like the feeling.
For Seongje, though, it was everything. God---he couldnt get enough. He gripped Sieun's head tightly, pushing him firmly into his neck, as he moaned deeply. He felt like he was about to explode any second.
They were both sweating like crazy, their slick chests clashing against each other as Seongje shook the bed back and forth. He went from slow and deep, to fast and rough in the matter of seconds, as Sieun could feel each thrust growing more and more persistent.
Judging by his movements, and his piercing noises, he was definitely close, only making Sieun grip tighter as his fingers were practically digging into him.
" fuck, . . " Seongje huffed in between his heavy breathes, groaning heavily as he rested his head near Sieun's.
And turns out, biting his neck really was everything to him, as he thrusted hard and deep into Sieun, finally dragging himself out as he came ontop of Sieun's chest, a loud noise escaping his throat.
Sieun immediately pulled back to breath, still recovering from Seongje's rough thrusts. He closed his eyes tightly, gripping onto Seongje, as he heaved back and forth.
When he took his teeth out of his neck, Seongje groaned, in response.
▪︎
Sieun trembled as Seongje, still chest to chest, remained ontop of him, panting like a dog as he let out faint groans.
" h-- holy shit, " Seongje mumbled over his ragged breathes, barely a whisper, his words slurred.
After leaning on Sieun, his body practically crushing his, weak from everything that had just happened, he finally used his hands to push himself up, grunting. Breathing heavily, Seongje then climbed off of the bed, hastily grabbed a pack of cigarettes, and slumped back down on the bed, right beside Sieun.
As Sieun, closing his eyes at some points, breathed heavily back and forth, he could see Seongje lighting a cigarette in the corner of his eye---resting in between his shaky fingers, holding the lighter up as he placed the cigarette against his lips.
Why does he always need a cigarette in his mouth? Sieun thought to himself, chest rising back and forth as he laid against the bed.
He took a drag, faced the ceiling, and slowly exhaled, blowing the smoke above him as It curled around the air.
He then slowly tilted his head to the side to face Sieun, who was laying to his left, still recovering and breathing heavily against the mattress. He eyed him up and down for a few seconds, before taking another drag, inhaling.
▪︎
" mh, ok, break time's over, " he muttered as he blew the smoke out in front of them, leaning over towards the side table on his right to put out his cigarette.
Sieun immediately turned to face Seongje, dumbfounded by such a statement.
" what? " he said hastily underneath his breath, in response, between heavy exhales.
Seongje then positioned himself above Sieun again, leaning above him, directly infront if his face.
" you didn't cum, right? " he said, a faint grin lining his face as he looked down at Sieun, tilting his head.
Sieun winced, when he felt Seongje begin running his hand along his length, watching in awe as his fingers brushed against him, running softly upwards.
" i'll make you come, don't worry, " he muttered mockingly, leaning closer towards Sieun face.
Then, all of a sudden, Seongje shifted back a bit, placed both his hands on Sieun's waist, gripped tightly, and used all of his strength to flip him over, onto his stomach.
He immediately grunted, dumbfounded by such a sudden move.
" wh-- " he muttered, his face now pressed against the pillow.
Seongje grabbed his thighs to make him kneel, getting him in the right position as he gripped his tightly.
" wait-- seongj-- " he began, breathing heavily, until Seongje gripped the back of his neck and shoved the front of his face into the pillow.
He tried to protest, but anything he said came out muffled, due to Seongje's tight grip against his neck. His face was now being pressed firmly against the pillow.
Seongje laughed faintly, amused by the sight.
He then grabbed Sieun's right arm, dragged it over behind him, and held it in place behind his back, whilst his other arm gripped his neck.
Sieun groaned faintly into the pillow, muffled.
" just relax, yeah? " Seongje said, near his ear, letting out a faint laugh that faded into a breath.
It was hard to breath, especially with Seongje's strong grip, but he managed to breath through his nose despite such an enclosed space. He didn't know how he felt about the situation, as he breathed heavily, his body still shuddering by the slightest from before.
Seongje then aligned himself with him, and in the matter of seconds, shoved himself fully into him, making him let out a loud, muffled moan. His entire body trembled below Seongje, legs shuddering at the feeling. His insides were soaking wet, too, making it much easier for him to move himself back and forth. And of course, Seongje didn't go easy, didn't go slow, soft---it was the exact opposite.
As soon as he pushed his waist forward, he immediately began thrusting roughly, fast, as he held Sieun's trembling body down. And Sieun, couldn't even move, couldn't even budge an inch, as he was being held down so tightly by Seongje, to the point where it was driving him crazy. However, he could feel himself getting closer, tension gradually building within his lower body, as Seongje pushed deeper and deeper.
Everytime he shoved himself inside, it felt intoxicating---he kept hitting that one spot, so deep, that made Sieun tremble, moaning everytime he rolled his hips forward. His noises were muffled by the pillow, only amusing Seongje even more. With his free hand, he gripped the pillow beside him tightly, shifting back and forth as Seongje moved back and forth.
For Seongje --- it felt so good, sliding in and out of him. He was so wet, so tight, that each time he shifted, he groaned at the feeling. His grip on Sieun tightened, as he could feel himself getting closer to his climax, each second.
Suddenly, though, he let go of the hand holding down Sieun's arm, and repositioned himself as he leaned down closer, his face next to Sieun.
" you getting close? " he muttered, in between heavy breathes , as he continued thrusting in and out, dragging himself back and shoving himself forward.
Sieun tried to say something, anything, but only muffled groans came out. He continued moaning into the pillow, louder.
" i'll take that as a yes, " he muttered near his ear, now proceeding to lean back up and steady himself using the hand wrapped around the back of his neck.
Seongje began speeding up, still driving deeper and deeper with each thrust, holding Sieun down with his hand against his neck, as he brought the other onto his waist, gripping him tightly.
" i'm gonna cum inside you, ok? " he muttered above Sieun as he breathed heavily, immediately making his heart drop.
Sieun tried to protest, saying something under the pillow that Seongje couldn't even understand. He tried to lift his head up, to say something, to stop him---but he couldn't, as his grasp was too strong. He didn't know how he felt about, him, doing such a thing---it terrified him, not in a scared way, though.
All aside, he continued letting out muffled moans, gripping the pillow tightly, digging his fingers into the plush fabric. However, although hearing Sieun muffled did amuse Seongje, he wanted to hear him fully---to hear his desperate moans, his ragged whimpers, each time she shoved himself forwards.
So, he used the hand that was wrapped around the back of his neck, and instead repositioned it to grab Sieun's hair, pulling his head backwards. Sieun let out a loud groan, his noises now audible.
God---he was loud, probably the loudest he's ever heard him. Hearing the noises come out of his mouth felt so good---he loved it, hearing him like this, knowing that he was the cause.
" wh, seongj-- please, just dont-- " he mumbled in between heavy moans, trying to get a sentence out, but failing due to the state he was in.
Seongje then slowed down, all of a sudden, but continued pushing deep into Sieun despite the lack of speed.
" you're gonna drive me insane if you keep talking like that," he muttered, as he leaned in close next to Sieun's side.
His grip still held Sieun's hair tightly, which was slightly uncomfortable due to how strong it was.
" tell me, are you close," he muttered near Sieun's ear, barely a whisper, as he thrusted slow, but deep inside of him.
Sieun continued letting out ragged moans, quieter now, and nodded shakily in response.
Knowing that he was close, tons of thoughts fluttered through his messed up mind. For one, he could come into him, making sure that he came at the same time as him, or, he could flip him over, suck him dry, and let him come in his mouth. However, he was so anxious, so eager to fill him up with---so it wasn't really a question.
He then pushed himself back up, leaning over Sieun's trembling body once again. Releasing his grip against his head, he then pushed him down again, gripping the back of his neck tightly as he pressed his head into the pillow.
He began picking up the pace, growing faster and faster, making Sieun moan loudly into the pillow. Sieun could feel the tension building up, knowing that he was on the verge of hitting his climax, any second.bHe gripped the pillow tightly, as his body continued being shoved, back and forth. Seongje, as well, could feel himself gradually growing closer, only making him go harder, and faster.
" fuck, . . " he huffed underneath his breath, breathing heavily as he let out deep groans.
And after a few more thrusts, he came, hard---into Sieun, thrusting deep as he did so.
He closed his eyes tightly as a loud noise escaped his throat, his head facing the ceiling, panting like a dog, still gripping Sieun tight below him.
Seongje finally released his grip against his neck, immediately making Sieun turn his head to the side, gasping for air as he let out whimpering moans. He could feel his body trembling, shuddering, recovering from everything.
Still waist deep inside of Sieun, Seongje tilted his head down, revealing that Sieun had came based off of the liquid on the sheet below them. He grinned faintly at the sight.
He then leaned close towards Sieun, shifting forward, his face right against his, only making him push deeper inside of him. Sieun immediately let out a muffled moan, as his legs trembled shakily, as any slight movement felt strong, due to how sensitive his body was.
He could feel Seongje's warm breath hitting the side of his face, as he closed his eyes, heaving back and forth, still adjusting to the wet feeling inside of him.
" seeing you like this makes me wanna go for a third rou-- " Seongje began, muttering the words near Sieun's face
" wait-- no, " Sieun immediately replied under his breath, turning to face Seongje, his eyes teary.
Seongje snickered at the sight.
" im just playing with you, but you are really turning me on right now, " Seongje continued, his voice soft.
Sieun let out a weak sigh, closing his eyes, still breathing heavily, letting out quiet moans as he leaned his head down against the pillow beneath him.
| 6 : 13 P M
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Notes:
🫶 🫶
Chapter Text
☆
Seongje, still above Sieun, suddenly grabbed both sides of his waist and used his strength to flip him over once again, not as rough as last time, though.
He then leaned in closer, chests practically touching now, as he placed his hand against the side of Sieun's cheek, moving his finger in a circular motion against the side of his face, slowly.
Sieun continued letting out soft moans, and heavy breathes, as his eyes fluttered open and closed, periodically.
" mh, you took it so well, " he muttered near Sieun's weary face, a faint grin lined across his mouth.
Sieun closed his eyes, exhaling.
" its not like, i could've moved anyway, " he mumbled underneath his breath, eyes closed, voice barely a whisper.
Seongje snickered at those words.
" still, you're such a little slut, " he continued, his mouth near Sieun's ear, as he muttered the words under his breath.
It was that word again.
At this point, though, he didn't even care---his mind felt so fuzzy, so blurry that he was even having trouble even comprehending what was being said.
He then felt Seongje slightly shift his head down towards his neck, as he began running his wet tongue along the side of his neck, repeatedly, as he shifted to taste new areas. It was like he never ran out of energy, he was always yearning for more---despite the fact that he had literally reached his climax, two times.
So, he just closed his eyes, tilting his head against pillow, his breath becoming more shallow, his mind becoming more and more hazy as time stretched.
He didn't even notice how much time had past when Seongje was now near his chest---
kissing, licking, pressing his lips down against him as he ran his tongue along his skin, practically tasting him all over his chest.
" you taste so fucking good, " he muttered against his skin, making him exhale sharply.
He continued closing his eyes, his breathing becoming more swallower. He didn't know why, but he kept gradually feeling more and more weak, like he was about to fall asleep any second.
After closing his eyes for so long, his eyes fluttered open, his body jerking slightly backward, when he felt Seongje's warm hand against his waist, moving up along the side of his chest, running his hand slowly up his body, across his skin.
Sieun couldn't help but shudder---his touch always felt so--- He heard him let out a slight laugh.
" just look at the way you shiver when i touch you like this, " he muttered, his face directly above Sieun's.
" you must be so touch starved, hm? guessing coma boy didn't give you this, " he continued, with a grin lined across his face, continuing to run his hand along Sieun's side.
Those words made Sieun twitch.
Not from his touch, but from the fact he mentioned him. Suho. However, his mind was too blurry, too foggy to even comprehend his surroundings, so he just continued closing his eyes. And Seongje continued touching him, all over his body, feeling the softness of his skin, almost as if he were in a trance. God---he felt so good. Everything about him was perfect, to him.
Although, for Sieun, he felt like he was on the verge of collapsing, almost like how he felt back at the bowling alley. His limbs felt weak, his eyes heavy, and his vision started becoming blurry as his eyes fluttering open and closed. Eventually, he closed his eyes, and everything darkened around him.
After at least a minute or so, it got to a point where Sieun was so, quiet? His breathes were quiter, more softer than usual. This caught Seongje's attention, as he looked up to see Sieun's face. He furrowed his brows, as he looked asleep.
" hey, sieun, " he muttered, pressing his hand on his chest to make him shift a bit.
" don't tell me you fucking passed out again, " he murmurred, under his breath, as he repositioned himself to kneel above his lifeless body.
Whilst groaning in annoyance, cursing under under his breath, he moved himself to lay beside Sieun, to his right, slumping down against the bed. He reached for the side table to grab a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter, continuing to light a cigarette within his mouth and take a drag.
He blew the smoke upwards, and after exhaling, he turned his head to face Sieun, right beside him, to his left.
He stared at him, eyes narrowed, examining every bit of him---the way he let out soft breathes, the way his chest rose up slowly, and fell slowly.
" shit, did i go too hard, " he muttered to himself, his eyes fluttering around the room as he thought to himself.
" fuck-- whatever, " he muttered again, underneath his breath, turning his head to stare at Sieun, again.
He just watched him, by his side, watching every movement he made---waiting for him to wake up. It didn't even feel real, seeing him asleep right next to him, bare.
But watching soon turned into waiting, as he felt his eyes getting heavy, on the verge of falling asleep. Too tired, he finally took off his glasses, throwing them onto the side table, as he closed his eyes.
He immediately fell asleep.
☆
| 6 : 23 A M
Sieun woke up to the faint sunlight glaring onto his eyes, probably from the sunrise, peaking through the window of the bedroom.
He used one of his hand to slowly push him up slightly, his eyes squinting.
It didn't take him long to notice the weird feeling below him. It wasn't soft or plush, like the blanket he felt the other night, but different. He squinted as he looked down, realizing that he was resting his head directly against Seongje's chest, his other hand resting just above his waist.
Sieun immediately gasped---not a loud gasp, but an inaudible one. He slowly lifted himself off of him, now sitting up beside him, rubbing his eyes as he groaned quietly underneath his breath. Whilst squinting, he slowly turned his head back to face him, beside him, laying lifeless against the bed.
His lips were slightly parted, letting out shallow, yet heavy breathes, as his head was rested on the pillow behind him. His eyes were closed, and despite his hair being messy, he still looked good. But seeing him like this was so uncanny---never in his life would he of thought he'd be, sleeping, resting on top of him, unknowingly.
But all aside, he exhaled as he slowly inched his way off the bed, climbing towards the edge, as quiet as possible. Now off the bed, he stood up, only to immediately stumble to the floor by the aching pain below his waist, sparking throughout his lower body.
He groaned as quietly as he could, placing his hand against his mouth to muffle it. Almost a limp, he grabbed his clothes off the floor, which were notably scattered. Once he picked all of them up, he walked through the doorway of the bedroom, now scanning the open appartment for the bathroom.bAs soon as he spotted it, he walked over, still in a slight limp, passed the doorway, and slowly closed the door, making a quiet click sound. He started hastily putting on his clothes---starting from his boxers, his pants, his shirt, and his blazer.
Looking into the mirror, he noticeably saw all the marks left on his neck, lining his sides, from his front, to his sides, faint red marks seeming to be everywhere.
He muttered something underneath his breath, still puzzled by how someone could even have the ability to do something like, this.
After he was fully dressed, he slowly unlocked the door, pushing it open slowly. His eyes immediately caught his backpack that was laying against the floor, and he walked over to grab it, swinging it around his shoulders.
Without a thought, he made his way for the door, tiredness overcoming him. He didn't even look back, didn't even see Seongje before he opened the front door, and stepped outside. A million things were going through his mind---getting to school, messaging his parents, relaxing on his bed.
But, at the moment, he felt so groggy, so tired all he focused on was getting home, and collapsing onto his bed.
☆
| 9 : 17 A M
It was about nine AM when Seongje woke up, his mind gradually drifting out of sleep.
Groaning, he opened one of his eyes, then the other, proceeding to rub them, as he slowly brought up his hands. He then reached over to the side table to his right, and hastily grabbed his glasses, putting them on. Now squinting, he looked around the room, scanning, only to see no sign of, him.
Last night came rushing back to him like a tsunami, crashing against his mind, as he rubbed his head, tired as ever. He couldn't keep his mind off it, though---how Sieun actually came to his place, how he actually put him infront of school, how he, bit him.
He immediately placed his hand on the side of the neck, feeling the area to make sure that it was actually, real---it was. His fingers brushed up against the grooves in his skin ; the teeth marks left by him. He grinned faintly at the feeling, letting out a exhale.
Just thinking about what happened last night made him, crazy---recalling all the moments, in other words, made him desperate. But it was the morning, literally a minute or so after he woke up, so obviously he wasn't going to do anything, yet.
He pulled himself off the bed, stood up, stretched, groaning as he did so. Now standing up, he slowly walked over to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes. He did his normal routine, just like anyone else, normal, would do. Toilet, brush teeth, floss, brush, and so on. However, looking into the mirror, the mark on his neck caught his eye, as he leaned in close to see it better.
He let out slight scoff, mixed with a laugh.
" shit, " he muttered underneath his breath, mesmerized by the mark, feeling at it with fingers.
A few minutes passed, and now he's dressed, hastily eating breakfast in his red velvet uniform, topped with a black shirt underneath.
He pulled out his phone, immediately going to his contacts, and clicking, his, number. Holding the phone in his right hand, he began hastily clicking at the screen.
| can't stop thinking about you - 9 : 41 A M
| i'll be waiting for you outside as soon as the bell rings - 9 : 43 A M
| you better be hungry im buying - 9 : 43 A M
He further clarified with the last text.
A faint smile liner across his face, he slipped his phone back into his pocket, now standing up, as he headed over for his front door. He stepped outside, locked it hastily, and made his way down the stairwell. Once he reached the bottom, he continued walking towards the bus stop, now sitting down on the bench, legs spread, arms splayed behind him on the back rest.
As he waited for the bus to arrive, he couldnt keep him off his mind.
☆
| 3 : 45 P M
Just about the time that Sieun gets out.
He glanced down at the clock on his phone, ensuring that he got the right time. He was leaning up against a pillar under a nearby building, one close enough to get a perfect view of the gate of Eunjang high.
His head immediately turned slowly, as he began to hear voices clamoring, feet shuffling, as more and more students poured through the gates.
He eyed each and everyone one of them, examining the crowd in the distance, as if he were looking for his target. But he wasn't there. Didn't see him.
| ' maybe he gets our last, makes sense since he's such a fucking try hard, '
he thought to himself, looking away for a brief second, his eyes fluttering around his surroundings.
A few minutes passed.
The crowd now died down, only a few students coming out, scattered, brushing passed one another as they hastily walked down the concrete stairs lining the gate.
He glanced over once again, eyeing the crowd, looking for him---but there was still no sign of him.
He clenched his jaw, letting out a sharp exhale, as he pushed himself off the wall, walking towards one of the students who left the gate, not even taking a second to think.
He immediately stopped the student by pressing his hand against his shoulder, immediately making the guy shudder, as he looked up at Seongje towering over him, notable fear in his eyes.
" was yeon sieun here today? " he muttered in a serious tone, glaring down at the random student.
Seongje had a pretty large reputation, so he must've known who he was, based off his expressions, at least.
" uh-- yeon sieun? " he student studdered.
A few seconds of tense silent passed---Seongje waiting for an answer, while the student below him looked as if he was trying to remember something, trying to process what Seongje had said, as if he could lose his life any second.
" no-- yeah, he was absent, " he further clarified, taking a moment to think.
Seongje groaned under his breath, muttering a curse the student couldn't even understand, as his eyes fluttered around him. He took his hand off his shoulder, lowering it by his side, and began walking away.
He was frustrated---confused ; his mind spiralling as he walked against the concrete sidewalk.
Why would he miss school? Hes obviously a try hard academic, never taking a second to skip his academics, so it didn't make sense.
| ' maybe his ass hurt too much or something '
he murmurred under his breath, trying to atleast come up with a reason to help make the situation make some sort of sense.
So now, without any hesitation, he began making his way towards his appartment.
If he were going going be honest, he wasnt really sure why he was making such a big deal about, him, being absent. A part of him hated to admit it, but he felt, worried---genuinely eager to know whether or not something was, wrong with him.
But the other part was self explanatory, same as always---the same as the first moment he saw him, in the bathroom. He was obsessed with him, couldn't even last a day without seeing him, hearing him, touching him. It was almost like he was 'trying' to lure him in, to attract him like a magnet.
All aside, though, he continued walking, inching closer and closer towards his appartment, as he passed by side streets and old buildings.
As he walked along the sidewalk, head up high, shoulders stiff, he pulled his phone out from his pocket.
He checked his messages.
Nothing---all unread.
He resorted to calling him, as he was making his way closer and closer towards his appartment. He held the phone up to his ear, as it rang for a bit, probably ten seconds at least---until it immediately went to voice mail.
He let out a frustrated sigh, typing hastily as he looked down at his phone.
| stop ignoring me bitch - 4 : 05 P M
He wasnt even sure if he was ignoring him---probably wasn't. But he didn't care.
▪︎
After walking for at least five straight minutes or so, the anticipation stabbing him directly through the chest, he finally reached his appartment, standing right infront of the door.
Without any hesitation, he knocked on his door, banging almost.
Three loud knocks. No response.
Seongje groaned in frustration.
" hey open up, im fucking freezing out here, " he called out, listening for any sort of noise.
He just stood there, waiting in awe, listening---listening for footsteps, for a voice, for a slight shuffle, anything.
But there was nothing, just silence and the sound of the wind blowing behind him.
" what the fuck? " he muttered under his breath, hastily taking his phone out again as he stood infront of his door.
He clicked call, as his phone rang silently, leaning in close to the door to hear any sort of noise---any sort of notification, vibration, ring tone.
There was nothing, just silence.
After a few seconds of attentive listening, he finally gave up, hanging up the phone call.
He tried to think, as his mind spun in circles. Tried to think of where he could be, what he could be doing. His appartment. The bus stop---probably not, though. Maybe in an alley?
Then it hit him. Something he'd said last night.
| ' coma boy ' - the words repeated in his head.
He had to be there, there was no doubt that he wasn't. How had he of not realized it earlier? Maybe he annoyed him, by mentioning him yesterday, to the point that decided to avoid him. He tried to refrain from assuming, but so far, that was the best reason he could come up with.
So, he walked hurriedly, heading down the stairwell, now making his way for the nearby hospital.
▪︎
He pushed through the doors at the entrance, walking hastily as he turned halls, corners, inching towards the room he peered through weeks ago, through the window.
When he arrived, he pushed the door open, the anticipation leaving him hanging on an edge. He scanned the room immediately.
He wasn't there.
He closed his eyes shut for a few seconds, letting out a faint exhale. Walking all this way, dedicating time out of his day only to arrive with no one here, just the lifeless body laying against the hospital bed. He didn't even look at him. Didn't even care about this guy, that Sieun apparently raved over.
He just sighed with annoyance, immediately leaving the room, and making his way towards one of the reception desks.
The lady behind the desk immediately looked up when he stood in front of it, eyes filled with irritation. She gave him a confused look, worried almost, but he didn't care.
" has yeon sieun visited any patients here today, " he said sternly, with a serious tone, waiting for an answer.
Her gaze shifted towards the computer in front of her, squinting her eyes at the screen.
" Hm let me check, " the lady immediately responded.
A few sounds of clicks on a keyboard overlapped the ambience of the room, as he stood there, waiting.
" Nope, doesn't look like he's been here in a while, " he responded after a few seconds, looking up at him.
Those words hit him hard.
Like a bullet in his chest, shredding through his insides. God, he wanted to---he tensed his fists, gritting his teeth.
He just ended up letting out a sharp exhale, noticeably annoyed by the way the woman looked all wearily at him. He just turned around, and began heading for the doors he entered through, his mind cloudy, filled with rage---confusion.
And with that, one day had passed---one full day without him, without even seeing him, once.
☆
Chapter 10: nights ☆
Summary:
THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SENSITIVE CONTENT, please read before continuing!
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Chapter Text
☆
Four days have passed,
Practically half a week.
He tries to act like he doesn't care, like he doesn't give a shit about him---about where he is, what he's doing, why he's just 'randomly' dissappeared, out of nowhere. But he can't, and that's what makes him so annoyed, so frustrated.
In previous days, he's skipped his classes at ganghak, waited outside eunjang, briefly passed by the hospital room to peer through the window, repeatedly knocked on his appartment door---for hours on end. Just to get nothing. No answer, no reply---just nothing.
After half a week, he decides to give up, to give up on trying---and ends up pretending that he doesn't care, about him. About the fact that he's ghosted him, left him on unread for days on end.
At this point, he just wants to forget about him, to drown out his thoughts, to stop continuesly thinking about him every minute, which seems impossible.
☆
| 11 : 07 P M
The loud bass of the music blares through the room, piercing through his ear drums. People shouting, yelling, trying to have a conversation over the seemingly loud music, only worsens the volume, making it feel as if his ears are bleeding. Lights flash around him, illumating the darkness surrounding him ; different colors---red, blue, purple, etc---making him want to keep his eyes shut forever at how epileptic it all seemed.
And he just sits on a bar stool, slouched over, leaning onto the counter with his arms folded, a cigarette resting between his fingers, in his right hand. He could be anywhere, too---lounging at in a chair at the bowling alley, slumped down against his bed back at his appartment. But he's, here, sitting pathetically, at a night club.
He reaches his hand out to grab the glass infront of him, half empty half full, with his left as he chugs it down, hoping that it'll somehow make him forget about everything---make it so his thoughts drown away, make it so he doesn't continuesly think about, him.
But it doesn't, it doesn't work.
After gulping the whole thing down, he placed it back down against the counter, making a loud thud against the woodem counter.
He's swaying now, his eyes feeling heavy, his head feeling hazy. It's almost like he's on the verge of passing out, periodically closing his eyes, the world drowning out around him, the music growing more and more muffled, his cigarette almost slipping through his fingers.
Until,
he feels a hand brush up against his shoulder, softly, making him immediately come back to reality, as his eyes slowly flutter open.
" you look lonely, come with me, " a girls' voice said behind him, still caressing his shoulder.
He immediately shoved her hand off, rolling his shoulder back, groaning.
" you're not my type, " he said sternly, proceeding to place the cigarette in his mouth and slowly inhale, not even looking back to face her.
He doesn't even know why he said that, those words. They kind of just slipped out without a thought. All he knew, though, was that he wasn't going to follow some random girl, alone, at a night club.
He hears a chuckle behind him---the kind of high picthed "pick me" sounding chuckle that makes him tense with frustration.
" but i can be, " she replies, now near the side of his face, a smile lined across her red stained lips.
This fills him with annoyance, making him immediately scoff.
" fuck off, " he adds, sternly---a final warning to leave, which seemed to work.
" your loss, " she finally adds, giggling as she fades into the crowd behind them.
▪︎
The music continues blasting around him, making him tense his eyes, closing them tightly. It sounds even louder, the music booming through the room, reverberating throughout the walls, making the whole area vibrate.
" fucking bitch, " he mutteed under his breath, placing his cigarette against his as he takes a long drag.
He exhales the smoke in front of him, curling off the counter, as he suddenly pulls out his phone from his back pocket.
There's no doubt, no questions surrounding what he's about to do. At this point, everytime he opens his phone, its either to binge play some stupid mobile game, or for its for him. Checking his messages, checking if he's responded, if he's called back.
He looked down blankly at the phone screen as he clicks the contact, probably for the hundredth time this week.
Nothing.
| 29 Missed Calls - Call Back
He scrolls through the list of messages he has sent, the past days.
| Unread
| Unread
There's no point of still scrolling, theyre all unread, all unseen.
Clutching his phone in his hand, he begins typing, his fingers hastily clicking at the phone in front of him.
| where the fuck are you - 11 : 26 P M
He continues typing, sighing with frustration, looking intensely down at his phone as he brings his cigarettw up to his lips to take another drag, inhaling sharply.
| i'm going to fucking pass out from alcohol poisoning if you dont respond - 11 : 26 P M
Slamming his phone down against the wooden counter, he puts it away, shoving it back into his pocket.
He lets out a sharp sigh, frustrated, irritated. This feeling of waiting, filled with desperation, filled with confusion---hits him hard, crashing against his chest. He's never felt anything like it, not even close. And even worse, he's never even been in 'love,' not anything close to it, at least. Obviously, he was too tough for love, too 'derranged.' The only time he's actually felt something similar, was probably during kindergarden---a childhood crush, or something similar.
But nothing like this
He doesn't even know if it should be classified as it, but all in all, he just refrains from even mentioning that word---apart from the one time in the bathroom, though.
Deep in his thoughts, his head now drooping from the alcohol, he immediately comes back to his senses when he overhears a conversation loud enough for him to understand, beside him, to the right.
《》
One of the guy laughs pathetically loud---loud enough to be heard over the blaring music around them.
" hey hey, dude wait-- isn't that the pretty one from eunjang? yeon sieun, right? " one of them mutters, loud enough to be heard clearly over the blaring bass of the music.
" holy shit, it is-- what the fuck is he doing here? he looks wasted as shit-- " the other continues.
" hey, let's try to drag him into one of the rooms, " another breathy whisper, but loud enough for him to hear.
《》
He immediately turns his head to look.
| ' yeon sieun ' - it repeats in his head like a drum
He doesn't care, doesn't care who these 'guys' are. Wouldn't even care if they were his friends, if they were going to the same school as him, if he'd known them, for years. He couldn't even hear his thoughts ; his head was pulsing, his mind filled with confusion.
He immediately stood up, scraping his chair against the floor, loudly. Without any hesitation, he took one of the guys, grabbed them tightly by the neck, and pulled him over to the counter, shoveing his head down against the surface, making a loud crash sound.
He immediately groaned, twisting at his grasp, trying to break free from such a sudden action.
He leaned in close to face the guys' trembling face.
" you even think-- about laying a fucking hand on him, and i'll break both of your fucking arms, " he said sternly near the guys' face, pressing him down hard against the counter, his voice hoarse as the words came out as nothing but a ragged breath.
His breathes were ragged, breathing heavily. In an instant, he pulled his head up, dragging it backwards, and slammed it down again, harder this time.
" you hear me? " he added, at a louder tone, his voice growing more ragged, feeling as if he was about to boil over.
The guy, groaning from the impact, nodded his head shakily, Seongje still holding his head down against the wooden counter.
He then pulled him back up by the neck, and shoved roughly him to the side, almost enough to make him stumble. He immediately rushed away, muttering something under his breath. He turned to face the other guy, standing there, literally in shock, his mouth slightly gaped. Turns out a glare was enough to make him scatter, as he immediately followed after the other one, fading into the crowd.
Now standing, his breathes ragged, his wrists sore, he immediately pivoted his head to look at the boy they must've been talking about.
▪︎
He seemed to be almost on the verge of passing out, his head hanging low, his arms folded on the counter in front of him. Same hair, from the back atleast. Black shirt, slightly baggy, with some average jeans. Seongje then leaned in closer, to see the guys' face more clearer.
Same face.
It was him.
" what the fuck? " Seongje immediately immediately blurted out, staring in awe, at him.
His eyes were almost closed ; looked as if he was surviving on at least one hour of sleep. He was swaying slightly, his arms on the counter keeping him from collapsing. He was breathing heavily, too, gripping an almost empty glass bottle, in one of his hands.
It seemed unreal.
It didn't even seem like, him? Especially since he was sitting at a bar, in a nightclub, almost at midnight. That's nothing like him. He cares about education, probably hasn't even done drugs before---even confessed to Seongje that he doesn't drink? But here he is, sitting on a bar stool, and just happens, to be right across from him.
Without any thought, he aggressively grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him up. He then hastily dragged him over to one of the nearby walls---luckily not much people were around them---and shoved him up against it, closing him in.
And he didn't even say anything---unlike he usually does. He was at least expecting a 'what the hell,' or 'get off me.' But there was nothing, just heavy breathes, as if he were gasping for air.
Now face to face with him, he was filled with confusion, with frustration.
" what are fuck are you doing here? " he yelled directly at his face, loud enough to overlap the music blaring around them.
Sieun's head just hanged low, swaying back and forth with each shaky breath he took.
Seongje let out a loud scoff, looking around the room, until he finally faced Sieun again. He grabbed him by the jaw, turning his head up to face him. His face immediately dropped, furrowing his brows, once he saw him.
He looked so---broken? His eyes were weary, fluttering open and closed. His cheeks were flushed, too. Seongje furrowed his brows.
" what the hell happened to you? why did you just fucking disappear out of nowhere-- jesus, " he said directly facing him, holding his jaw tight, still trying to grasp the situation.
Given his state, there wasn't even any point of asking such a question. He obviously wasn't going to get an answer, judging by how drunk, he looked.
Seongje looked deep into his weary eyes, still shocked, still confused about the entire situation. He just stood there, holding him, trying to at least figure out how he ended up, like this. His eyes didn't look too dilated, so he must've not taken drugs. The only thing it could be, was alcohol---which was confirmed when he saw the bottle in his hand, back at the counter.
" shit, how much did you drink? " he muttered, cursing under his breath, examining him in awe.
But after a few seconds of eyeing him in silence, only the lights flashing and music blaring around them, Sieun finally made a move that shocked him.
▪︎
For some reason, after wearily staring at him for so long, his eyes seemed to widen, slightly, at Seongje. It was like he finally recognized him? Finally noticed who this person was, despite how defunct he was.
Then, almost at random, he tugged on Seongje's baggy jacket and pulled him forward, as he began restlessly kissing him, practically devoring his mouth.
Seongje was shocked, dumbfounded by such an action. He wasn't even expecting him to have the energy to do something like, that, given how weak he looked. He couldn't even believe he had the audacity to do, this---to do something so quickly, after avoiding him for almost a week.
Eyes still open, trying to comprehend everything, to understand the emotions radiating from him, he immediately pushed against Sieun's chest using one of his arms, shoving him back against the wall, making him groan.
" what the fuck are you doing? " he said under his breath, the words coming out as a ragged exhale, staring at Sieun.
Of course, no answer.
Sieun was just giving him this look, a look he's never even seen before. It was filled with desperation ; his eyes weary, focused on on, as he panted back and forth. He looked like he was about to break into tears if he didn't get his, mouth.
Seongje's brows were just furrowed, still so confused, so puzzled by the gravity of the situation.
Almost as if he were in a trance, he immediately came back to reality when he felt Sieun suddenly grab his hand, proceeding to lower it onto his groin---making him rub him, pressing his hand against his crotch, up and down.
Mixed with heavy breathes, he was now letting out low moans, loud enough for Seongje comprehend, though, as he closed his eyes, tilting his head back against the wall behind them.
He was dumfounded---didn't even know how to react. Not ever, in his entire life, did he think he would ever have the audacity to do something like, this. It was like a fever dream.
His hand was trembling, hard, Seongje noticed as Sieun continued gripping his hand, making him 'grope' him, pressing his hand up and down against himself. And he just stood there, looking down at his hand, back at Sieun's pathetic face, back at their hands, and so forth.
" god, you're fucking wasted " he muttered to himself, just watching in awe as Sieun continued pressing against his hand, moving it, all while in public.
| ' public ' - that word repeated in his mind, as soon as he came to realize it.
Well, it was a nightclub, so seeing stuff like this was probably normal for everyone. Everyone was probably used to it---seeing people mess with each other, make out, and so on.
But still, he didn't care.
He groaned as he grabbed Sieun by his shirt, tugging him, as he began leading him towards the nearby bathroom. They walked through the crowd of overly energetic people---people jumping, dancing, bumping against one another. The lights continued flickering, on and off, making it even harder to see in such a cramped area.
It felt like a maze, maneuvering through all the people around them, squinting his eyes through the glare in his glasses. He held tightly onto Sieun's shirt behind him, and soon enough, they finally made it out of the maze-like crowd, now walking towards the bright LED sign illuminating the words :
B A T H R O O M
☆
He pushed open the door roughly, causing it to swing open, making a loud crash sound against the wall due to the impact. Still holding tightly onto Sieun's shirt, he pulled him around the corner, opened one of the bathroom stall doors, shoved him inside, and locked it, making a loud click.
Inside the bathroom stall, it was cramped, but had enough room for both of then to fit. However, the music that was previously blaring, piercing through his ears, was now all but hums ; muffled beats reverberating throughout the walls around them.
He then pressed him firmly against one of the walls of the stall, using his arm against his chest, and looked him dead in the eye.
" sieun, im serious, what the fuck is up with you " he said sternly at his face, eyeing him up and down, furrowing his brows.
Based on his expression, he must've not even comprehended what he was saying, as he continued eyeing him, heaving back and forth, panting, as if he were waiting for him to do something.
" hey! how much did you drink? " he further added, voice growing louder---but of course, he knew he wasn't going to get an answer.
He recalled the last time he drank alcohol---when he practically "forced" him to. It was nothing like this---he still had his consciousness, he still understood what he was saying.
But this? This was way different. He couldn't even comprehend a thing that he was saying to him, as he looked completely lost, out of it.
Still looking at him, eyebrows furrowed, waiting for a response despite knowing that it wasn't going to happen, Sieun suddenly broke the tension between them.
▪︎
Almost suddenly, he pathetically pushed Seongje aside by pressing against his chest through his jacket, and further shoved him back, making him fall down to sit on the toilet behind him. Seongje grunted, not expecting such an action.
Now sitting on the toilet, still confused by everything around him, he saw Sieun immediately drop to his knees, bringing his hands up, and began hastily undoing, his, belt, his hands still trembling as he did so, the metal clinging.
" woah woah, hey-- what the fuck-- " he began, the words barely slipping out of his mouth, shocked by what, he, was doing, below him.
But he stopped himself.
There wasn't even any point of protesting, of saying anything to stop him. Because obviously he couldnt listen, couldn't hear him behind his intoxicated mind. And at this point, hd was already pulling Seongje's pants down, pulling his boxers down, too---hooking his trembling fingers around his waistband, tugging them down. It was all happening too fast, too fast for him to even comprehend anything.
He literally jumped, his legs shuddering, his body jerking backwards, when he felt Sieun dig his mouth into him. He gasped audibly, as soon as he felt him moving his head back and forth, his wet mouth sliding against him.
" mh, shit-- " he huffed under his breath, almost a whisper as he gripped the toilet behind him tightly, placing his other hand against the wall to his side.
He closed his eyes as he laid his head back against the wall, breathing heavily, shuddering each time Sieun noticeably went deeper, and deeper.
《》
Four days of nothing.
No talk, no contact, no call? And then all of a sudden, he just randomly happens to be perched up in the same club as him, just happens to be on the verge of collapsing, right beside him. And now the first thing he does, out of all the things---punching him, kicking him, cursing at him---he gets down on his knees, in a public bathroom? It just didn't make sense.
And it didn't even seem real.
It felt like a teenage boy's wet dreams ; unreal, too good to be true.
Despite the ghosting, though, he had to admit that deep down, he was desperate for this. God---he was loving it, every second of it---loving the way he immediately took him into his mouth, without any words. After almost a week of no contact, this felt amazing ; like he was about to explode, any second.
《》
He continued breathing heavily as he looked down at Sieun, sucking him dry, practically deep throating himself at this point. He was moaning against him, too, only adding to the feeling.
He could feel his climax coming, inching closer and closer, as he continued sliding his wet mouth back and forth, as if he had no gag reflex, whatsoever, his grip trembling against Seongje's waist.
" jesus-- slow down, fuck, " he muttered underneath his breath, now letting out faint groans, gripping tightly at the porcelain toilet behind him.
Although Sieun probably didn't hear him, he then did something that didn't even seem real---didn't even seem like something he would even do, in the first place.
He dragged his mouth out of him, and immediately kept himself close---close enough for his tongue to graze against the bottom of Seongje's length, as he began stroking his hand against him. And on top of all that, ge kept his weary eyes locked on Seongje, the whole time, practically eye fucking him.
Where the hell did he even learn to do that, or how did he learn how to do something like, that? It looked like a something you'd seen in a porno, something that was too good to be true, that had to be scripted, at least.
Seongje couldn't even hold back---he just watched in awe, breathing heavily, his chest rising back and forth, making the jacket shuffle.
He knew Sieun would kill him for this, but he had to.
He hastily took out his phone from back pocket, his fingers shaking as he clicked the camera app. He quickly positioned his phone upwards, getting a perfect angle---and took a picture, making a shutter noise.
Of course, Sieun didnt even react. Didn't even protest, didn't even flinch. He just continued stroking him, like he was totally oblivious. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, muttering a curse under his breath, closing his eyes as his head pressed against the back of the stall.
His strokes managed to speed up, making slick sounds each time he ran his hand along him. Seongje just kept watching, now heaving back and forth knowing that he was about to reach his climax, any second, right above Sieun's face.
And that was all it took.
His whole body shuddered when he came abruptly, his trembling hands gripping the wall of the bathroom stall. He placed one of his hands against his mouth, trying to muffle his noises, rembering that they were literally, in a public bathroom. He was panting like a dog, breathing heavily---god, it felt like he was about to melt, it felt so good. After almost a week of nothing, no touch, it felt amazing.
After recovering a bit, he stared down at Sieun in awe, realizing that he literally, came, onto his face, white liquid scattered all over it, glistening under the light---in his mouth, on his lips, his cheeks, all over. And he didn't even say a word? Didn't complain, didn't curse at him for doing that. Fact, he even seemed like he wanted it, like he wanted Seongje to come on his face---which, obviously he did due to how drunk he was.
He leaned back against the toilet behind him, closing his eyes, still recovering from literally, everything, as he could still feel Sieun's warm hand wrapped tightly around his length.
" fuck, . " he muttered, barely a whisper, tilting his head back down to stare at Sieun, below him.
▪︎
He was so confused, but confusion was overcome with pleasure. From experience, he's seen people get drunk way too many times, especially during late hours at the bowling alley. Usually their really hyper, super talkative to the point it gets annoying. Sometimes they're just really somber, bursting into tears while they rant about some shitty life story that broke their heart. But this? It seemed like alcohol made Sieun---different, not any of those ; not violent, not hyper, not saddening. But, horny? Desperate? Desperate for Seongje, in this case. Which, if he was going to be honest, wasn't the worst thing in the world.
▪︎
He couldn't even catch a breath when Sieun immediately stood up, placed his trembling hands on against shoulders, and slumped down onto him, atop of his waist. It sounded like he'd just ran a mile, did a marathon, his breathes ragged and heavy.
He was now face to face with him, his face still covered with liquid, lining across his face. Seongje just stared at him, couldn't even look away. Even when he's wasted, so drunk he doesn't even know what he's doing, he looks so---unreal, so perfect, it's unbearable.
However, his body immediately jerked in shock when he started to feel him grinding, against him. He let out a grunt, followed by heavy breathes. Everytime he moved, everytime to rolled his waist against him, his legs shuddered, especially because of how sensitive he was given the fact he just hit his climax, seconds ago.
Sieun's head was now dug into Seongje's shoulder, his shaky moans right next to his ear. He could feel him gripping his sides, his trembling hands digging into his baggy jacket.
God---Seongje was going crazy. His arms remained in the air, just curling around Sieun's back, shaking time Sieun pressed himself against him, firmly, rolling his hips back and forth. Each movement against his bare crotch, sent a shockwave through his body ; the friction of his jeans against him was, intoxicating.
And then all of a sudden, Sieun stopped, panting heavily, making Seongje let out a heavy exhale, slightly relieved that he wasn't continuesly moving back and forth. He moved him head back, now facing Seongje, again. Without a word, he hastily pulled both of his hands bacj to rip his shirt off, pulling it over his head.
Seongje just watched, watched like he was about to explode if he looked away. God---his body looked so good. His chest seemed as if it was glistening under the dim golden light that barely illuminated the stall around them, especially due to how dark, the surroundings were.
Throwing the shirt to the side, he stood up a bit, as he began hastily unzipping his pants, pushing them off and sliding them onto the floor. Finally, he ripped off his boxers---now naked, in a public bathroom, right above Seongje.
He then grabbed Seongje's hand that was resting by his side, pulled it up to his mouth, and shoved two of his fingers inside, making him gasp at the feeling, as he watched in awe. Holding his hand against him with his trembling grip, he slid his head back and forth, covering his fingers with saliva, running his tongue along them, as he closed his eyes, letting out muffled moans.
His warm tongue against his fingers felt so good ; so good, that it made his breath hitch, at the feeling.
But after a few seconds of nothing but sucking, he tore his fingers out, and immediately lowered them below his waist, pulling his hand beneath his lower body.
▪︎
He couldnt even believe that this, was Sieun, right now, practically begging to be touched, begging for more. Usually, Seongje would enjoy this kind of stuff---he would fantasize about it in his head, dream about Sieun below him, suffering, pleading. But right now, it just felt---weird, like he was taking advantage of him whilst he was drunk---although, it was basically the opposite way around.
He watched Sieun as he shakily urged his fingers to enter, his trembling grip trying to make Seongje's fingers go inside him.
But he just held back, literally not knowing what to do, as his eyes fluttered around him.
Sieun looked as if he was on the verge of crying, breaking into tears---which, he actually was. He let out a ragged groan, his eyes welling up with tears, obviously frustrated, as he leaned in close, resting his head against Seongje's shoulder.
" pl-- please, . . please-- " he mumbled near his ear, in between choked breathes and heavy exhales.
That startled him.
It was the first time he had actually heard him talk throughout the entire night. Not just this night, though, but the entire week, too. The first words he says to him, out of all the possible words he could've said, were, please?
He pushed back against his chest, making him face him directly, hoping that maybe, he could actually understand what was going on.
" hey! sieun-- " he muttered, face to face with him, hoping to get a response.
But he gets nothing.
Just heavy breathes and ragged moans, his chest rising back and forth. And he kept repeating that word, muttering it underneath his breath---like his life depends on it, like it's the only way he can survive.
Eventually, he pushed Seongje's arm aside, and leaned in towards his neck---the side with the faint bite mark. And without any hesitation, he leaned in, pressed his warm lips against the mark, and sucked down on it, hard. Hard enough to set off a chain reaction inside Seongje.
Seongje immediately jerked upward, startled by the feeling. God---it sent shivers down his spine, making his stomach twist.
And as if it was a trap, Sieun, hand still trembling, managef to push his fingers into him, brushing passed his insides.
He immediately, let out a loud, ragged moan, pulling his mouth off of Seongje's neck, and placing his head against his shoulder, leaning on it. His noises reverbated throughout the entire bathroom, his lower body trembling, shaking above Seongje.
But at this point---it's too much.
He tried to hold back, but he couldnt. Especially after that.
He didn't even hesitate, didn't even let a second thought fly passed him, when he started running his fingers inside of him---pressing deeper and deeper, spreading him, running his fingers along his insides.
Using his free hand, he hastily grabbed the back of Sieun's warm neck, and pulled him back to face him. He dragged him forward, as their mouthes clashed, now kissing restlessly. Sieun is practically moaning into his mouth, as Seongje swallows each and every one of his sounds, trying not to draw too much attention especially since their in, public.
But after a few more movements, he noticed how loud he's getting, how his legs start to even give out on him, falling onto his lap---so he pulls back from his mouth, sliding his fingers out, making him groan in response.
He's shivering now, shuddering above Seongje, holding his jacket tightly with both of his hands.
As he looked down, his eyes widened.
When did he come? A white splatter across his jacket revealed it, and he didn't even realize it, until he looked down. Still shocked, he turned back to face Sieun as he felt him shift against his waist, gripping his thigh for support as he adjusted himself.
Without a word, he brought one of his hands over as he shakily wrapped his fingers around Seongje's length, holding it up, and slowly slid down onto him, literally falling onto his lap---waist deep, inside of him.
That managed to drag a loud moan out of Sieun's throat, immediately making Seongje place one of his hands against his mouth, muffling him.
" fuck, ." he huffed underneath his breath, his eyes fluttering between his waist and Sieun's face.
Despite hitting his climax, already, it didn't even seem to affect Sieun, as he immediately began moving back and forth, his waist rolling back and forth against Seongje. Every movement, his waist was shuddering, trembling, only making Seongje grunt in at the feeling. He held his hand tight against Sieun's mouth, trying his best to muffle the noises coming out of him.
And it just felt so good, felt like heaven. At this point, he just gave in---he was being aroused so well, he literally stopped thinking, his mind fixated on the feeling, the sensation flooding through his insides.
Just as always, just how his earlier intents were---he wanted to see Sieun break, to ruin him, to watch him, watch every second of it.
So, as Sieun continued riding him, now sliding shakily against his lap, he kept one hand against his mouth, and lowered the other onto his tip, rubbing it, pressing his thumb down against it in circular motions, firmly. From experience, he knew he was definitely sensitive there, no doubt.
And just as he thought, his moans grew louder, still muffled, though, through Seongje's hand, placed firmly against his mouth. In the matter of seconds, he came onto Seongje's hand, his eyes rolling back as he abruptly stopped moving, still waist deep inside of him, as his entire lower body trembled.
That's the second time---the second time he came, onto Seongje---in this case, his jacket.
Seongje, shocked by how fast he actually came, continued breathing heavily, trying to comprehend the fact that Sieun was, fully inside him, basically sitting down against him. His lower body was shaking too, which only heightened the feeling, making him feel like he was about to burst.
And then all of a sudden, after a few heavy pants and weary moans, Sieun leant his head back down against Seongje's shoulder, his mouth positioned near his side. Seongje felt him, suddenly, grab both of his hands, shakily, and place them down onto his waist, urging him to hold him there.
" pl-- please, seongj-- " he mumbled wearily, in between heavy breathes and choked sobs.
He was crying---crying on Seongje, breaking into tears, on top of him.
" please, . pl-- just, ruin me-- please-- " he continued, his voice a mumble; barely understandable due to how weary he was, and also because of his noticeably loud, choked sobs.
The only words that stood out to him, out of all the words that came out of his mouth, were two---two words that made his breath get caught in his throat :
| ' ruin me '
He even said his name, too, now confirming that he mustve recognized him from the start. This shot up butterflies inside him, made his stomach twist.
And he just sat there, Sieun on top of him, inside of him, begging, pleading.
He eventually grabbed Sieun's sides, and made him directly face him.
" let me take you back to my appartment, then ill fuck you up, hm? " he muttered, eyes locked with Sieun, who at this point, wasn't even looking at him, his eyes fluttering closed.
He looked back down at his waist, Sieun just casually sitting on top of him, waist deep inside of him. He winced slightly, exhaling at the feeling of his body shuddering against him.
" just-- get off my dick, ok?" he added, muttering the words underneath his breath as he kept his gaze locked below him.
When he tilted his face back up to face him, he didn't even make an expression. Didn't even nod, move his face, anything like that. But somehow, he must've listened---must've heard him, since he actually let Seongje push him off of him.
▪︎
Seongje let out a faint groan when Sieun finally came out of him, dragging himself out.
Now, almost standing up as he hit the tiled floor below them, Sieun was about to stumble, probably even fall over, until Seongje caught him just in time, holding him still against the wall.
" fuck, can't even stand up straight, " he muttered to himself, still trying to grasp the gravity of the situation, as he used one of his hands to zip up his pants, doing up his belt, hastily.
Realizing that he was still naked, literally bare from his chest to his lower body, he hastily took off his jacket, pulling down his zipper as he shoved it off his sides.
" here, " he said under his breath, holding Sieun's arms as be slid the sleeves onto him, zipping up the jacket.
He helped him get his pants on, or at least tried to help---which was, after a few tries, very exhausting since Sieun kept messing up. Now that they were dressed, he held him close, arm wrapped around his side, as they walked out the bathroom stall, once again pushing through the bustling crowd, enduring the harsh throbbing of the loud music that blared around them.
Sooner or later, waiting underneath a dimly lit bus stop, sitting against the seats of a bus, heading for his appartment.
And Seongje---after an hour or so of being trapped in a bathroom stall, still had no answer. Had no response, no conversation to enlighten him about the situation. About the ghosting, the random avoidance, disappearance.
But he didn't care.
All he cared about, though, was that Sieun was now beside him, with him---atleast for now---as they inched they're way closer and closer towards his appartment, eager for what was going to come, next.
| 11 : 48 P M
☆
Notes:
Squid game reference 😭
But yeahh I just wanted to sorta make these chaps more in the pov of Seongje, rather than just solely Sieun
LMK WHAT YOU GUYS THINK !!
☆
Chapter Text
☆
At this point, he had two sides---two sides of him that were contradicting one another.
A part of him wanted to just stop Sieun, stop him from trying to 'take advantage' of him---using him for his own pleasure. He just wanted to drag him home, safely atleast, and wait until the morning to actually get an answer out of him. He wanted something, anything---something atleast telling him why he just dissapeared out of nowhere, why he just gave up on school, why he just never seemed to even be at his own appartment.
But knowing Seongje, he obviously wasn't going to give in---give in to doing something as warmhearted, as that.
The other part of him was, self explanatory---more desperate, more overpowering. In this case, he just wanted to give Sieun what he was practically 'begging' for. His intentions were, like always, to break him. God, he could just imagine it, fantasize about it---dragging him through the door, shoving him onto the bed, gripping him, tasting him, choking him as he---
And above all, after not even having Sieun in his line of sight for half a week, it wasn't really a question. The answer was obvious. So now, Sieun was just putting him on edge---moaning in his ear, urging him to touch him, begging him numerous times, on end.
And he obviously, couldn't say no to that.
Couldn't say no after Sieun had muttered the words directly into his ear, beside his face :
| ' ruin me '
It was like he was about to reach his breaking point, any second.
☆
| 12 : 17 A M
It was past midnight, already.
Seongje was now sitting in a bus, slouched against the back rest, his legs spread wide as if he didn't even care about the personal space of others. Despite how cold the wind blowing through the slightly open window seemed, he didn't even flinch, didn't shiver---he was wearing a black baggy shirt with a random graphic on the front, a silver chain dangling from his neck, and some jeans.
And after drinking all that alcohol, practically finishing a full bottle, his eyes felt heavy, like he was about to fall asleep any minute. But he stopped himself, kept his eyes open slightly, because obviously he couldnt even fall asleep, at this point. He was used to staying up late, too---playing video games at the bowling alley until two AM, maybe even later.
The bus shifted every few seconds or so, making him sway slightly.
And Sieun was beside him.
Right beside him, leaning against his side, his head resting on Seongje's shoulder. He was so close, he could even feel his warmth radiating from him, against his black shirt---which felt oddly calming, in a way.
Seongje kept his head slightly tilted, just enough so that he could see Sieun beside him. He couldn't tell if his eyes were closed, since the only view he could see was the top of his head, his soft hair, so he assumed that he was simply sleeping. But soon enough, he would find out.
▪︎
For the first few minutes on the bus, they sat in silence, nothing but ragged breathes and slight shifts every now and then, due to the impact of the bus against the rough road.
The bus ride, Seongje assumed, would take about ten minutes at most, since it didn't exactly stop near his appartment for the first stops, but rather at different areas.
Two minutes had passed, at least.
Head still leaning against his shoulder, Seongje was immediately brought back to reality when he felt Sieun's hand grab his, slowly.
His hand was still trembling, shaking by the slightest, as he pulled Seongje's hand over, and lowered it directly, onto his crotch. He then urged Seongje to move his hand against him, by pushing it down, moving it upwards, back and forth, firmly.
Seongje just stared down at his hand in awe, before letting out a slight laugh, underneath his breath.
" it's like you're in fucking heat or something, " he muttered to himself, a faint grin lined across his face.
So, in response, he began moving his hand against Sieun's groin, pressing down on the fabric of the pants, slowly. Sieun was about to let out a noise, until Seongje leaned forward just enough to see the side of his face, and muffled him, placing his other hand across his mouth.
Sieun's hand that was previously against Seongje's, immediately slid off and fell down beside him. His legs were now shuddering, twitching with every movement Seongje inflicted with his hand. Despite placing his hand on his mouth, he was still notably loud, his muffled noises repeating everytime Seongje moved his hand.
But of course, he realized they were in public, in public transport. He didnt care much about it, though. Slowly, he pivoted his head to the left, to scan the aisle of the bus, checking to see if anyone was nearby. Right beside him, straight across the aisle, was a man, probably in his mid twenties.
The man was just glancing over, practically side eyeing them, a look that was filled with disgust. Seongje just stared at him for a few seconds, eyes narrowed, as he continued moving his hand against Sieun, firmly. He leaned his head back against the backrest, a faint smirk lined across his face.
After those seconds, he scoffed, mixed with a laugh, and slowly turned his head back to face Sieun, his whole body trembling at this point, head still brushing up against Seongje's side.
At this point, he didn't even care if people were watching him, if someone was staring. His heartbeat seemed to be beating faster every second, pounding against his chest. And above all, Sieun was the only thing on his mind. He wasn't waiting anymore, wasn't thinking about why he left him, what he could be doing. He wasn't even thinking---just feeling, taking in the moment.
He slowly slid his hand off his mouth, and placed it against his jaw, craning his head up a bit to face him. Sieun was breathing like crazy---his breathes ragged, letting out slight moans, every second.
And Seongje just stared, watched how his eyes fluttered open and closed, watched every single reaction. He couldn't look away, just kept his eyes grounded on him.
Hand still around tight around his jaw, he then slid it towards the back of his neck, as he leaned towards his side and began restlessly kissing him. And it wasnt an average kiss. It was hungry, rough, his lips pressing dangerously against Sieun's, his tongue pushing deeper into his mouth. Sieun continued letting out noises, each one muffled, and swallowed whole by Seongje.
After making out for who knows how long, their lips pressed tightly against one another, Seongje slowly pulled back, sliding his hand across Sieun's mouth once again. He breathed heavily, looking deep into Sieun beside him. He was eager to see him break, to see him burst into pieces, right in front of him.
So, he began speeding up his movements, pressing harder onto Sieun's groin, rubbing his fingers against the fabric, up and down. Sieun's noises grew louder, more persistent, but still muffled.
" you gonna cum again, hm? " he whispered near Sieun's side, his voice filled with nothing but hunger.
Sieun continued letting out noises, which seemed to be growing louder and louder each second. His eyes fluttered opened and closed, his body shuddering with each movement.
" that's it, come for me, " he muttered into his ear, watching him attentively, his eyes narrowed on nothing but him.
And after a few more seconds of fast movements, he did.
Or at least Seongje assumed he did, based off of his noises---they slowed down, his breath ragged and his body twitching slightly.
And he just watched, stared at Sieun beside him. His hand was still now, resting against him, eyes locked on his side, and of course, a faint grin lined across his face.
▪︎
He wasnt keeping track of time, though.
As if he were in a trance, he immediately snapped out when he felt the bus come to a halt, making them both shift in their seats. He looked up to see that they were at the right stop---the stop near his appartment.
" shit, " he muttered, standing up as he pulled Sieun up by his shoulders, who let out a weary groan.
Sieun grunted wearily, almost slumping over, but failed due to Seongje's grip around his shoulders. He dragged him out into the main aside, holding him by the sleeve of his jacket. With his grip tight against Sieun, he walked passed the aisle, down the small stairs leading out of the doorway, and walked off of the bus, Sieun right behind him.
Still holding onto the sleeve, he began making his way towards the nearby stairwell that led up to his floor. Although Sieun seemed to be worn out, he was still capable of walking, or at least moving his legs. He stumbled at some points, but Seongje just made sure to hold him tight enough so that he would've fall, completely.
It was almost as if he were dragging a stray dog back to his appartment.
They were now walking up the stairs, Seongje walking as fast as possible, but being dragged down by Sieun's weariness. He looked back occasionally as he climbed the stairs, only to see Sieun's head hanging low, groaning quietly with each step they took.
After what felt like whatever, what felt like hours on end, they reached the top. He then hastily walked towards his appartment unit, breezing passed the hallway that stretched in front of them, stood in front of the door, pulled out his keys with his free hand, and unlocked it, throwing the door open.
He pulled Sieun inside, and closed the door behind them, locking it.
Totally oblivious, he threw the keys somewhere on the floor, not even looking towards where they fell. His eyes were locked on Sieun, right in front of him, still looking as if he were about to pass out any minute.
He couldn't hold back anymore, especially after how far they've came.
So, still standing behind the front door, breathing heavily, he immediately grabbed Sieun by the jacket as their mouths clashed, kissing him restlessly. Seongje pulled him in, gripping the jacket around him tightly. As he did so, he began making Sieun walk backwards, almost stumbling, leading him closer and closer towards the bedroom.
On top of that, he hastily placed his hand against the collar of Sieun's jacket, feeling for the zipper, and immediately pulled it down, throwing the jacket to the side, Sieun now shirtless. Once they passed the doorway, they entered the bedroom. It was dimly lit, only a yellow tinted lamp illuminating the area by the slightest.
Now gripping tightly around the back of Sieun's neck, he pulled him onto the bed, further pushing him back against the mattress until they reached the bed frame. Sieun now below him, he pulled back, both of them breathing heavily, gasping for air as their chests rose back and forth.
Leaning up slightly as he kneeled above Sieun's waist, he hastily ripped his shirt off, pulling it above his head, and throwing it to the side.
After that, he leaned in close, stabling himself with his left arm against the mattress. Their faces weren't too far apart, now. Sieun was looking wearily up at Seongje, his lips slightly parted, his chest rising up and down as he breathed heavily.
Seongje grinned at the sight.
He pivoted his head down a bit, just enough to see Sieun's hand by his side. He used his free hand to slowly grab it, pull it over towards his waist, and place his hand against his waistband, holding it firmly, against him.
Hand still gripping Sieun's hand against him, he leaned in close, his face directly against Sieun's side.
" go on, take them off, " he muttered near Sieun's ear, a slight smile lined across his face.
He breathed heavily as he repositioned himself, closer---his warm lips brushing up against Sieun's ear.
" show me how bad you want it, " he purred into Sieun's ear, barely a whisper, his voice filled with nothing but desperation.
Leaning his head back to face Sieun, their eyes locked.
Almost in response, Sieun did something that shocked him---something that he never would've even expected he had the energy to do, in the first place. With his hand still rested against his waistband, he took both his hands to grip his waist, and used all his strength to flip Seongje over, climbing on top of him.
Seongje furrowed his brows, letting out a sudden gasp.
Now kneeling just above Seongje's waist, he began hastily undoing his belt, making a metal clink noise that echoed throughout the room. He followed by unzipping his pants, pulling them down, and of course, ripping his boxers off, in the matter of seconds.
And Seongje just stared---a look that was half surprised, and half enjoying. Seeing Sieun, like, this? Like this, above him, was---indescribable; it turned him on at just the sight. He couldn't even believe that this was him ; the same person who he fought with, who was always so stubborn. All aside, though, he just exhaled, as he watched Sieun above him, eyeing him up and down.
Now that he had undressed Seongje, he began pulling off his own pants, along with his boxers. He threw them to the side.
Seongje watched in awe, a faint grin lined across his face, as Sieun leant down towards him, his face just right above his. His eyes were teary, his breath ragged, as he tilted his head downwards, to face below him. With his hand still beside him, he placed it against Sieun's waist, running his hand along his smooth skin, slowly.
He caught Sieun move his head down slightly, as he felt his touch against him, his shaky fingers wrapping around his length, below him.
He had no doubt, what was coming next. God---the anticipation was killing him as he watched Sieun above him, watching the essence in his eyes. As Sieun lowered his body, inching closer towards his crotch, Seongje held his grip tightly around his waist, pushing him down slightly, urging him to move his lower body.
In the matter of seconds, Seongje felt him slowly slide down, inside of him, fully. Seongje immediately let out a low groan, closing his eyes at the feeling. Sieun was trembling as he let out a loud moan, fully inside of him. He leaned down, his chest pressing up against Seongje's, as his head fell down beside the side of his face. Seongje shuddered when he felt Sieun begin to move, shifting his waist back and forth, rolling his hips as his lower body brushed up against his.
He immediately gasped, when he felt Sieun start sucking against the skin along his neck, his lips pressed hard against his skin, his moans muffled.
As he continuesly moved his waist back and forth, taking in his length, Seongje felt like he was in pure heaven. His eyes fluttered open and closed, his head tilted back against the mattress. He kept his grip tight against Sieun's waist, guiding him as he pushed himself forward and backward with each movement. Hearing his noises right beside him only added to it---and along with that, the sucking against his skin.
He fluttered his eyes across the room, groaning as Sieun kept moving against him. His eyes caught something beside him, though. He couldn't help but notice his pants, not too far away from him, resting along the mattress. Not only that, but his phone was peaking out of the pocket, slightly visible---visible enough to catch his eye, at least.
A faint smile lined his face, as he continued breathing heavily. He turned his head to the side, only to see Sieun still by his side, too busy sucking against his neck, desperately rolling his trembling hips back and forth. Either way, though, he probably wouldn't even notice, given the state he was in.
So as Sieun continued moving, and Seongje continued holding his grip tight against his waist, he reached out his left arm to grab the phone from the pocket, just resting against the mattress. Now in his left hand, he hastily opened the camera app, clicking at the phone screen with his shaky finger. He took his hand off his waist as he transferred the phone to his right hand, using his other hand to grip the side of him, once again.
And in the matter of seconds, he stretched his arm out, high enough to get a perfect angle, and grinned at the camera as he clicked the button. A shutter noise echoed throughout the room. And just as he expected, no response. No protest, no argument, no question. Sieun just continued moving, continued sucking against his neck, as if his life depended on it.
Seongje let out a slight laugh as he threw the phone back down, beside him against the mattress.
▪︎
His gaze returned to Sieun, still moving above him, pressing down hard against his chest. In order to enhance the sensation, Seongje held his grip tightly on his waist, placing both of his hands against his sides, as he began rolling his hips back and forth, matching Sieun's movements.
Sieun's lips that were previously pressing onto Seongje's skin immediately pulled back, his head now resting just beside Seongje's. A loud, ragged moan escaped his throat, as his noises grew louder, more persistent, each time Seongje drove himself deeper into him.
He let out a slight laugh as he continued breathing heavily, turning his head to see Sieun's side.
" that feel good? " he whispered near his ear, in between loud breathes and groans.
At this point, Sieun's legs seemed to give out on him, as he rested just above Seongje's chest, letting him do all the work, his lower body trembling against him.
For Seongje---it felt addicting, intoxicating. Each time he rolled his hips forward inside of Sieun, a shockwave surged throughout his body, making him shudder with each movement, closing his eyes as he breathed heavily.
But it wasn't enough.
At least for him, it wasn't. After shoving himself into Sieun for atleast a minute or so, he abruptly stopped, making Sieun let out a muffled groan, his entire body trembling shakily as he rested ontop of Seongje.
He could feel him trying to move---trying to continue catching the rhythm against him, to continue rolling his waist back and forth---but Seongje kept him grounded, his grip tight against his waist, his fingers digging into his smooth skin.
" you want me to fuck you, hm? " he muttered near Sieun's side, barely a whisper, a slight grin on his face.
Pivoting his head towards Sieun a bit more, he leaned in closer, his warm mouth brushing up against the skin along the side of his face.
" beg for it, " he muttered quietly against Sieun's skin, his voice filled with hunger.
Sieun let out a muffled whine, along with faint whimpers as he continued letting out ragged breathes beside Seongje. He kept his eyes locked on Sieun's side. He wanted to hear him plead, to hear him filled with desperation, on top of him. He knew he wouldn't remember a thing from tonight, wouldn't recall anything that happened---so he wasn't to make sure that he took advantage, of everything.
Grip still held tight around his waist, he jerked his hips upwards, shoving himself, deep, into Sieun, before letting his hips fall back down to the mattress.
Immediately in response, Sieun let out a loud moan, slightly muffled against the mattress, his whole body shuddering above Seongje.
" use your words, " he said sternly against the side of Sieun's face, in between heavy breathes.
▪︎
His eyes fluttered away for a split second, an idea emerging.
He should record.
Record every minute of it, every second. It doesn't even have to be a video ; he was completely fine with an audio recording. God---the things he could do with a video like that ; he couldn't even start.
Eyes locked on the phone beside him, in under a few seconds, he reached out his arm, opened the camera app, pressed the video option, and clicked the play button, the camera facing the ceiling.
He immediately turned back to face Sieun by his side, a faint smile lined across his face.
▪︎
Sieun let out soft moans beside him, along with heavy, ragged breathes. After staying silent for so long, he finally complied to Seongje's demands.
" please-- p-- please, . . " he said quietly as he breathed heavily, his words slurred.
Seongje let out a slight laugh, as he tilted his head down enough to face his hands that rested against his waist. Digging his fingers into his skin, he rolled his hips up one more time, deeper, dragging a loud noise out of Sieun's mouth.
" louder, " he whispered against Sieun's skin, the anticipation killing him.
He continued twitching beside him, ontop of him, panting like a dog above him, their warm chests still brushing up against one another.
" p-- please, please seongj, . . just-- " he pleaded, louder this time, more desperate, as he breathed heavily, the words barely escaping his mouth.
Breathing heavily against the side of Sieun's face, his face lit up with pleasure when he heard him say those words---when he heard him say his name, when he heard the way it rolled off of his desperate mouth. A faint smile curled around his face.
His hand that was previously gripping his waist slid up along his chest, as Seongje ran his hand up his body, brushing against his smooth, warm skin. He reached his neck, gripping to tightly, pushing him back a bit to make hm face him.
God---he looked, wrecked. So wrecked, and he hadn't even started? Hadn't even gotten close. His eyes were on the verge of sobbing, watery tears welling up in his desperate eyes. His lips were parted slightly, glistening with saliva. His face was flushed, pink splotches along the side of his cheeks. And his breath was ragged, his eyes filled with desperation as he stared down at, him.
Seongje just eyed him for a few seconds, completely lost in his eyes.
And after a few more seconds, he couldnt hold back anymore.
Eyes never leaving Sieun's, he held his grip tightly against the front of his neck as he shoved him aggressively to the side, making him fall down beside him, flipping him over onto his back. Seongje followed, hand still wrapped against his neck, as he shifted himself against the mattress, climbing above Sieun.
Now above him, he leaned in close, almost closing the gap between their chests. He watched Sieun below him, analyzing him, eyeing him up and down.
He immediately tilted his head downwards to face his hand, when he felt Sieun grab his hand, and pull it forwards, place it against his thigh. His grip trembled, as he held his hand against Seongje's, pressing his hand down firmly, yet shakily. He spread his legs slightly wider, too, shifting against the soft mattress below them.
" please, . " he muttered under his breath, looking wearily up at Seongje.
Seongje looked at his hand, and back at Sieun's face. And the look Sieun was giving him was---he couldn't even describe it, couldn't even begin to find the words for it. It was like he was hypnotizing him, luring him in, his eyes drawing him, under his spell. And that look was enough, it was all he needed---it said enough.
" fuck, " Seongje muttered under his breath, breathing heavily, his eyes lost with Sieun's.
And with that, he felt like he was going to explode, shatter into pieces, if he didn't feel Sieun, now. If he didn't touch him, taste him.
So, as his eyes never left Sieun's, he leaned forward, sliding his hand that was previously against Sieun's thigh up along his side, grounding him as he held it tightly against his waist.
He couldn't wait another second.
☆
Notes:
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Chapter 12: payback2 ☆
Summary:
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Chapter Text
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| 12 : 49 A M
The room around them was quiet, a slight breeze coming in through the window, making a faint whistling sound whenever it blew through.
Their ragged breathes were the only thing that broke the silence around them.
Cars outside drove by, too, engines humming by the slightest.
Only a faint light illuminated the room, making the room look seemingly dark, but comfortable.
▪︎
Seongje held his grip tightly around Sieun's waist, as he lowered his crotch closer towards his waist, shifting against the mattress below them.
With one hand digging into Sieun's waist and the other by his side for support, he shoved himself inside of Sieun, fully---not even taking a second to go slow, to go soft. He closed his eyes, groaning at the feeling.
Sieun immediately let out a cry, mixed with a moan, depending on how you looked at it.
Now inside of him, he fixed his gaze on Sieun's face, right below his. The hand that was previously against his waist, now moved onto his neck, gliding across his chest, as he dug his fingers into his skin, wrapping them around his warm neck, tightly.
His body was still, waist deep inside of him.
Sieun writhed underneath his body, trying to get some friction, trying to get anything that could 'help' him.
But Seongje kept him grounded, deep inside of him, holding him down by his neck, by the fingers pressing into his sides. He looked deep into Sieun's eyes, which looked as if they were on the verge of tears.
《》
All aside, though, he couldnt help but remember the situation he was in.
The fact that hs had 'ghosted' him, dissapeared out of thin air without a trace, leaving him alone,
making him look pathetic---ditching his classes, dedicating all of his time just to get, nothing.
That alone, enraged him---made him want to punch him, slam him, break him.
《》
He breathed heavily above Sieun, face to face, his eyes narrowed.
" how do you expect me to fuck you after pulling this shit, hm? " he muttered in between ragged breathes, his face close enough so that he could feel Sieun's trembling breath hitting his face.
Sieun fluttered his eyes opened and closed, trying to twist away from Seongje's grasp, trying to actually breath due to being held down, so tightly.
But he didn't let him, just continued, his grip growing tighter and tighter by the second.
" no message, no reply? " he began, his voice hoarse, his face right up against Sieun's.
His body felt like it was on fire, burning from the insides.
His mind, however, was worse---it was filled with rage, filled with confusion. God---he was pissed at him---pissed at him for dissapearing out of no where, without a trace.
But his body ached, so he couldn't hold back.
With one rough thrust forward, Sieun's body jolted upward, dragging a loud noise out of his chest.
His grip around Sieun's neck tightened, as he held him down, pushing him down roughly against the mattress. He watched as Sieun struggled to breath below him, how he gasped for air, letting out choked moans.
" and here you are-- begging for my dick like a fucking slut, like your life fucking depends on it, " he muttered in front of Sieun's face, keeping his eyes locked on Sieun, his voice growing ragged and hoarse.
At this point, Sieun was choking---his grip against his neck was too tight.
He felt him pathetically place his hands against his arm, trying to urge him to let go, but Seongje didn't even care, didn't even budge.
He kept his eyes locked on him.
" like you don't even give a fuck, like you don't even care about what you did to me, what you-- " he continued, his voice fading into nothing but a ragged breath.
▪︎
He stopped himself---there was no point of continuing.
He breathed heavily, like he had just ran a whole mile
With Sieun still gasping for air below him, he finally released his grip, sliding his hand to the back of his neck. But before Sieun could even try to recover, before he could even try to catch a breath, their mouths clashed.
Seongje aggressively tugged him forward by the back of his neck, and immediately began kissing him, restlessly. Any noise he tried to release was swallowed by him, his mouth pressing hard against his---his tongue driving deeper into his mouth.
And after staying still for so long, after trying to resist, to hold back---Seongje rolled his hips back, and shoved himself forward, making them both jerk forward against the bed.
Sieun moaned loudly against his mouth, muffled.
His movements weren't messy, weren't rough---yet. But he kept going, pushing himself back and forth, slowly, but deep. Deep enough for both of them to have a reaction, for both of them to feel something that sent a shiver down their spines, that made them melt.
As he continued moving his waist back and forth, his mouth violating Sieun's, he felt his hand grip around the back of his shoulder tightly, tight enough for Seongje to feel his nails digging into his skin. He grunted, still pressing his mouth strongly against Sieun's.
After half a minute or so of running his tongue down Sieun's throat, he pulled back.
His forehead was pressed against Sieun's, both of them breathing heavily, their breathes ragged. He continued shoving his waist into him, each movement making them both jerk upwards, the bed creaking by the slightest. His movements weren't exactly rough, but they were slow, harsh. Hard enough so that each time he pushed forward, he hit the right spot, in Sieun.
And he drank the sight of Sieun moaning below him---letting out loud noises each time he shoved himself forward. Their faces were so close, he could feel the warmth of Sieun's ragged breathes hitting his face. Not only until he felt the heat, did he notice how hot he was.
He was practically sweating, his body slick with it, all over. It felt as if a cloud of heat was suffocating him, pushing down against his body. Despite it, though, he continued.
Eager for more, desperate for, him.
And after at least a minute or so , Sieun said something that made Seongje's breath hitch---that made his heart skip a beat, his stomach sink
▪︎
" ple-- please-- faster, " Sieun mumbled below him, each word extremely hard to understand, due to his loud, ragged moans.
But despite understanding, Seongje didn't even have to process what he had said. He heard it clearly---so clear it didn't even sound, real.
His forehead pressing hard against Sieun's, he immediately came to a halt when he heard those words, breathing heavily. He pulled his head back slightly, just enough to see Sieun's face, to see him desperate, below him.
The words repeated in his mind :
| ' faster ' ' please '
He a faint grin curled around his face as he stared down at Sieun, his eyes teary, looking up at him, waiting for him to do something.
Eyes narrowed on him, he slowly moved his head back downwards, leaning forward, turning enough to face Sieun's side. He pivoted his head slightly, now facing his neck.
Slowly, he moved his head forward, pressed his lips against his skin, and softly, yet viciously, bit down on his neck, digging his teeth into his skin, for a few seconds. Sieun immediately shuddered, an audible noise escaping his throat.
He then turned his head slightly upwards, his mouth brushing up against Sieun's ear, his warm lips grazing against it.
" say it again, " he whispered against it, his voice hoarse, toned with desire, as he breathed raggedly.
Anticipation getting to him, he pushed his hips forward just enough for Sieun to let out a loud noise, his body twitching below Seongje.
Sieun didnt seem to understand what Seongje wanted, what he was trying to make him do, as he just continued breathing heavily, letting out soft moans every time he exhaled.
Seongje let out a sharp exhale, his mouth still pressed against his ear.
" im waiting, " he muttered into it, his breathes ragged and heavy.
All he could hear was Sieun breathing heavily beside him, letting out low moans every few seconds. He wanted to hear him say it again, hear him say it like he means it. He wanted it to sound real, to sound genuine.
To confirm that he wasn't going crazy, that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, and that Sieun actually said those words :
| ' faster ' ' please '
And then he heard them.
Heard them come straight out of his mouth. Right beside him, below him, just below his ear.
" go faster-- p-- please, seongj-- " he moaned, his voice pleading, desperate, as he breathed heavily.
▪︎
Just those words, hearing them come out of his mouth was---everything.
He swore he could've came right there, just at the sound of those words, the way they rolled off of his desperate tongue, his pleading voice.
▪︎
He let out a slight laugh, a faint grin lined across his face.
Those words put him on edge.
Pulling his face back, he positioned himself above Sieun. He held his grip firm against his waist, pulling him up a bit so that his lower body arched up, above the mattress. Now in the right position, he began moving, dragging a loud noise of of Sieun's throat.
He leaned back down towards Sieun, his chest pressing against his, whilst his face was directly beside his, his mouth brushing up against the soft skin against the side of his face, breathing heavily.
He kept his grip tight against his waist, digging his fingers into his skin, urging him to move with his movements. His movements were more restless, now, each one driving deeper and deeper into him. They were fast, speeding up each second, but kept a pace.
And Sieun, judging by his noises, was in heaven.
Each thrust inside of him sent a loud noise out of his throat, his grip tightning against the back of Seongje's shoulder. Each movement, sent them both forward, jerking their bodies back against the bed, slightly.
As he continued, breathing heavily against Sieun's skin along the side of his face, he occasionally scolded him, the words barely slipping out of his mouth.
" god you're such a fucking whore-- begging for it, begging for me to fuck you faster, " he growled against his face, his breathes ragged.
And god---Sieun was soaking wet, only making it easier for him to slide himself in and out of him, slick sounds echoing throughout the room each time he shoved himself forward.
" never thought alcohol would make you such a fucking slut, " he continued, his mouth brushing up against the side of his face, the words fading into a ragged breath.
His breathes grew more and more ragged, more heavy, as he continued thrusting back and forth. But he couldn't help himself---it felt so good.
Each movement made him grunt, even moan at some points, only urging him to go deeper---to go faster.
Sieun's face was right beside him, too---his loud moans piercing through his ear. Despite loudness, though, he sounded so good. Sounded so hot---when he was being pounded raw, by him.
And he could feel himself growing closer.
Tension building up inside his lower body.
After not even giving it a second thought, he decided that he wasn't going to come inside, of him---not yet, atleast.
He wanted to come on him, on top of him---wanted to see the liquid spread across his face, dripping down his sides.
☆
So, after a few more rough movements, he leaned back up, kneeling above Sieun. Hand still against his waist, he held him down tightly as he dragged himself out of him, letting out a faint groan.
And before Sieun could even protest, before he could even say anything---even though he probably wouldn't say anything, anyway---Seongje positioned himself forward, now kneeling just above his, face.
He dragged him up with his hand tight against the back of his neck, pulling him up enough so that his face was directly infront of his waist.
Sieun didnt even say anything, didn't even flinch, didn't even budge. He just looked wearily up at Seongje, still breathing heavily from all of his rough movements, just a few seconds ago.
He then moved the hand that was against his neck, onto his head, running his fingers through his soft hair, gripping it tightly. He tilted Sieun's head upwards just enough to see his pathetic face, his weary eyes, below him.
He titled his head to the side, grinning down at Sieun by the slightest.
" finish me off, " he muttered, barely a whisper, as he looked down at Sieun, his grip tightening against his hair, his breathes ragged from being on edge.
▪︎
And just as he expected, It didn't even take Sieun a minute to react.
Seeing him do things like, this, so willingly---it seemed too good to be true, too fake to be real.
He hastily took his hand, wrapped it around Seongje's length, and began stroking him, at a pace fast enough to make Seongje gasp at the feeling. He literally shuddered, his lower body jerking back in shock, when he felt Sieun place his mouth onto the front, pressing his warm lips down as sucked against him. He could feel him running his soft tongue against him, flicking it against his slit, back and forth, as he continued stroking him, moaning against him.
He tightened his grip on his hair, his fingers digging into his scalp, as if it was the only thing that was keeping him steady.
" right there-- fuck, " he muttered, in between ragged breathes and groans.
As he breathed heavily, grunting each time Sieun ran his tongue against him, each time his pressed his warm mouth against him,
the phone beside him laying against the mattress caught his eye
It was still recording.
Seongje had almost forgot that he'd even did that.
So, without a question, he immediately took his free hand, stretched it out, and grabbed the phone. His fingers shaking, he clicked the button, turning the camera around to face Sieun, below him.
And Sieun just continued---continued eyeing Seongje with his desperate eyes as he stroked him back and forth, his tongue now grazing against his tip, mouth hung open as if he were waiting for something.
At instinct, he began moving his waist back and forth by the slightest, pushing his lower body forward, making Sieun's mouth go slightly deeper.
And he kept recording, his hand trembling as the camera shook slightly with his grip---recording every second of it.
Every movement that Sieun gave him, every look, every touch.
And he was close, feeling the tension boiling inside of him. His strokes only got noticeably faster, making wet noises each time he ran his hand along it. He glanced at the phone for a split second, making sure he was getting the perfect angle, the perfect shot.
His fingers shaking like crazy, he used two of them to zoom in, focusing on his face---the way he looked up at him, the way he held his mouth open, willingly.
Returning his gaze to Sieun, his body was now shuddering, twitching each time he felt Sieun's hand against him. He closed his eyes, letting out deep groans, at this point. Reopening them, he kept his eyes locked on, him---the way he was looking at him was, he couldn't even describe the feeling it gave him.
And after a few more seconds of restless strokes, he hit his climax.
Right in front of him, right infront of his mouth, infront of his face.
That dragged a loud noise out of his throat, as he closed his eyes at the feeling, his legs shuddering. He was panting like a dog, his vision going blurry for a few seconds, his grip holding Sieun's head tightly for support and his hand gripping the phone strongly. Not only until then, did he realize how foggy his glasses were, as he proceeded to grab them and throw them off against the mattress with the hand holding the phone.
And he just watched, watched as a white thread of glistening liquid spread across his face---into his mouth, on his cheeks, across his entire face
Letting out a groan, he closed his eyes tightly, his body still recovering from everything.
" fuck, " he muttered under his breath, as he breathed heavily, his chest rising back and forth.
Reopening his eyes, he stared down at Sieun---he was panting back and forth, his head still held up with Seongje's grip, his mouth slightly hanging open. With his mouth open, though, he could see the liquid in his mouth, resting against his tongue.
He grinned at the sight, letting out out a ragged exhale.
Realizing he was still holding the phone in his right hand, he immediately looked at it, and threw it to the side, making a soft thump sound against the mattress. Returning his gaze to Sieun, holding his grip tightly against his hair, he used his other hand that was previously holding his phone to brush up against his jaw, proceeding to place his hand on Sieun's chin, tilting his face upwards.
Hand still against his chin, he used one of his fingers to brush against Sieun's bottom lip, making him shudder, below him.
Staring deep into his eyes, Seongje leaned down a bit, still breathing heavily.
" swallow, " he muttered, his voice hoarse, barely a whisper.
And without even protesting---he immediately did it.
He looked wearily up at Seongje, their eyes locking, as he closed his mouth and swallowed, reopening it to breath heavily. Seongje let out a slight laugh, his hand still tilting Sieun's head upward to face him. He brushed one of his fingers up against his jaw,
Still lost in his eyes.
And he could tell, just by the look in his eyes---he was desperate.
He wasn't using words obviously---he couldnt, especially given the state that he was in.
But his eyes told him everything. The willingness , the desperation.
Glaring down at him for who knows how long, a faint smile lined across his face, he finally let go of Sieun's hair, letting him fall back down against the mattress.
▪︎
He shifted himself down a bit, just enough to get the perfect position. He then placed both of his hands against Sieun's waist, and hastily flipped him over, onto his stomach. Sieun grunted at the action, his noises now muffled due to being faceplanted into the pillow that was originally below him.
Seongje, kneeling behind him, urged him to go lower by pressing his hand against his upper body, firmly. He took his other hand, and ran it along Sieun's thigh, his fingers brushing against his smooth skin, earning him a muffled whine.
As he repositioned himself, he was now leaning above him, his chest just above his back. He moved his head downwards, just enough so that his face was now beside his neck. Breathing heavily, his lips brushing up against his skin, he pressed his lips down, leaving faint marks along the side of his neck.
Sieun shuddered everytime, his noises muffled against the pillow, only making Seongje smile in response, as he continued pressing his warm lips down, sucking at his skin, all over.
Pulling back slowly, he then shifted his head down, slightly, eyeing Sieun beside him.
" don't worry, i'll give you what you want, " he said against the side of his face, his voice low, barely a whisper.
He pivoted his head slightly downwards, enough to see Sieun's waist below him. Turning back to face the side of his face, he took one of his hands and slid it underneath his jaw, making him lift up his head.
His breaths were ragged, as he panted heavily.
Watching him by his side, his eyes narrowed, grip tight on his jaw, he then slid two of his fingers inside of him. Sieun's body immediately jolted forwards, as he let out a loud moan, his eyes fluttering closed.
Seongje smiled at the sight, his lips still brushing up against his warm skin.
He let out a low exhale.
" and when i'm done, " he began, his voice low and hoarse.
He moved his fingers with one quick roll, inside of him, making him shudder again, dragging out a loud noise from his throat.
And Seongje couldnt get enough. Couldn't get enough of Sieun below him---moaning, whining, pleading.
" you'll be whimpering my name, begging for more, like a fucking slut, " he continued, his voice fading into nothing but a breath, up against the side of Sieun's face.
He ran his fingers along his insides one more time, making him shudder. Each noise seemed to do something to Seongje---make him feel something, in his lower body.
He let out a slight laugh, as he slid his grip off of Sieun's face, making him fall back into the pillow. He then used one of his arms to push him back up, now kneeling behind Sieun once again.
" god you're gonna drive me fucking insane, " he muttered under his breath, looking down at Sieun against the mattress, body shuddering by the slightest.
▪︎
Dragging his fingers out, he then leaned down, enough so that he was facing Sieun's lower body.
Running his tongue across his teeth, he positioned himself downwards, directly facing his entrance. Without any hesitation, he immediately spat onto it, making Sieun tremble. He pressed one of his fingers inside, slowly, far enough to hit the right spot, judging by his noises, at least.
He smiled in response, deriving pleasure each time he heard him let out a muffled moan---each time he ran his finger forward, inside of him.
As he continued moving his finger, rubbing it back and forth against his insides, he pivoted his head slightly, and moved down. Breathing heavily, he pressed his mouth against the soft skin along Sieun's thigh, as he began leaving marks---sucking, licking, digging his teeth into his warm skin, biting down softly.
All over.
Each touch seemed to make Sieun wince, his body twitching as he continued moving his finger, against him. And after atleast a minute of pressing his mouth against him, he finally pulled back, his breathes ragged.
He turned to face his hand, and dragged his finger out of him, making Sieun groan into the pillow, muffled.
And without a second thought---he leaned in, pressed his mouth against him, and pushed his tongue inside of him, immediately making him shudder, letting out a loud noise against the pillow. He smiled against him, pushing his tongue in, fully.
Placing one of his hands against Sieun's thigh, gripping tightly, he closed his eyes as he began moving his tongue against him, inside of him---rolling it back and forth, curling, pushing. He grunted against him as he pushed his mouth back and forth, pressing his tongue inside of him, moving forwards in circular motions.
Opening his eyes for a split second,
he then took one of his free hands, lowered it underneath Sieun's body, and wrapped it around his tip, rubbing his thumb up against it, pressing down, firmly.
Sieun immediately reacted, his entire body shuddering under his touch, his muffled noises growing louder and louder every second. And he wanted to make him break---wanted to see him hit his breaking point. He hadn't even kept count of all the times Sieun's came already, but he knew it was somewhere between two or three.
So, he closed his eyes tightly as he began speeding up his movements, pushing deeper, moving faster---pressing down harder against him, rubbing him in circular motions, firmly.
And after just a few more strokes, a few more thrusts---he felt warm liquid flow against his hand, along his fingers.
He immediately pulled back, breathing heavily, as he turned his head downwards to face his hand below Sieun's waist. Looking downwards, his hand was covered with white liquid, dripping down his fingers. Sieun's body was shaking, looking as if he could collapse any minute, letting out whiny moans against the pillow.
Smiling at the sight, he pushed himself back upwards with his other hand.
He then repositioned himself so that he was leaning above Sieun once again, his chest just above his back, his face just beside his.
" you came so fast, just for me, " he said mockingly, a faint smile lined across his face, watching Sieun pant into the pillow below him.
He placed one of his hands against his head, gripping Sieun's hair as he slowly titled his face upwards. Seongje watched him, staring deep into the side of his face.
With his other hand, he placed it against his jaw, slowly turning his head to face him.
" shit, " he muttered under his breath, furrowing his brows at Sieun, a faint smile lined across his face.
He looked so---he couldn't even find the words. He was breathing heavily, each breath coming out as a shaky exhale ; his eyes were on the verge of closing, fluttering closed every second, at least.
Seongje let out a slight scoff.
" you sure you can take my dick, hm? you look so fucking wrecked it's cute, " he said with a mocking tone, giving Sieun a 'concerned' face.
His hand still wrapped around Sieun's jaw, he released his grip as he moved his hand downwards, beneath his lower body, as he wrapped his fingers around his length, pressing his thumb down slowly, rubbing in circular motions. As he watched Sieun's face, his body immediately shook, his breath shuddering every second, letting out quiet moans.
And he watched every second, every reaction that he, gave him.
And he felt it again---that feeling when your stomach sinks, when your breath hitches. He let out a ragged exhale. Moving his head slightly forward, grip still tight against his hair, he placed his mouth against Sieun's, grazing against his lips.
" fine, " he purred against them, his voice low and hoarse.
After a few heavy breathes, he pressed his lips against his, and began kissing him---not restlessly, but slow, as if he was memorizing every inch of him. He ran his tongue along Sieun's mouth, pushing up against his---and surprisingly, Sieun kissed back, gripping onto the back of Seongje's neck, pulling him closer as if he couldn't last a second without it.
Seongje couldn't get enough---couldn't get enough of Sieun's touch, the way his hand gripped the back of his neck, his fingers digging into his skin, giving him goosebumps, all over.
Finally, he slowly pulled back, still close enough so that his lips were pressed against Sieun's. As he was about to move back, he then softly, bit down against Sieun's bottom lip, making him shudder. Seongje looked back up at him, deep into his eyes, a faint grin curling around his mouth.
And after a few seconds, he released his grip against Sieun's head, placed his hand against his chest, and slowly flipped him over, making him face Seongje, as he breathed heavily, below him.
He held his grip tight against Sieun's waist, as he used his other hand to run it along his side---brushing up against his skin, slowly gliding it along his chest. Sieun seemed to shiver every second, every time Seongje ran his hand, along him.
Still keeping his grip tight against him, he leaned down more forward, resting his head beside Sieun's as his mouth brushed up against his neck. Turning his head to face his waist below him, he then pushed himself inside of Sieun, fully, making them both groan.
Seongje closed his eyes at the feeling, his vision going blurry for a few seconds.
" so fucking tight, " he muttered underneath his breath, his lips pressed against the side of Sieun's neck.
As he felt Sieun grip his sides, digging his fingers into his back, Seongje finally began moving, pushing his waist back and forth.
▪︎
He started off slow, but slow enough for them to both of them to feel weak each time he hit that spot inside of him. Despite speed, though, he went deep, pushing his entire waist forward until it hit Sieun's, brushing up against his lower body.
Mouth still beside his neck, he began pressing his lips down against him---sucking, licking ; leaving marks all along his side.
But even after all of his climaxes, after everything he's endured---it still didn't seem to be enough for him.
Seongje could feel him trying to match the rhythm of his movements---moving his waist back and forth, rolling his hips forward, pushing himself against Seongje as he gripped his back tightly.
So in response, he pressed Sieun down strongly against the mattress with the hand holding his waist, making him grunt, as he dug his fingers into his side. He then pushed himself up with his other hand, now so that he was facing Sieun. And in the matter of seconds, he leaned forward, and began restlessly kissing him---his mouth pressing hard against his.
At this point, he couldnt even hold back.
His movements were faster, rougher, as he continued shoving himself into him, dragging a loud noise out of his throat each time he hit his insides. After moaning into his mouth for long enough---Seongje swallowing each and every sound thay came out of him---he finally pulled back, turning his head to rest beside Sieun's side.
He breathed heavily beside him, his mouth brushing against the skin along the side if his neck, letting out ragged groans every second. Each movement sent them both forward, chests brushing up against one another, slick with sweat, making them shift slightly against the bed.
His mind started to grow hazy, vision starting to blur by the slightest as he grew closer and closer, each movement sending a shockwave through his lower body. The hand that held Sieun's waist gripped tighter, as the other one gripped the sheet below them, tightly, digging his fingers into the soft fabric.
He closed his eyes, tensing at the feeling, as his movements only grew more messier---more restless , as he could feel himself about to hit his climax, any second.
Sieun's noises grew louder, too, each one seeming to send a shiver down Seongje's spine---making him feel something, in his lower body.
And after just a few more thrusts, his waist pushing deeper and deeper into Sieun's writhing body, his vision went completely blurry.
He closed his eyes tightly as held himself deep inside of him, letting out a loud moan against Sieun's side. He tried to continue, tried to continue moving, pushing his waist forward, but each slight push sent an explosion throughout his body---which felt undeniably good, but hurt after a few movements, given how sensitive his body felt.
So as liquid poured inside of him, he kept himself grounded, waist deep inside of him, lazily pushing himself back and forth, slightly, groaning at the feeling.
And below him, Sieun was shuddering, entire body trembling---letting out choked moans every second, his chest rising up against Seongje's, his grip tightening against Seongje's back.
And he just remained still, recovering from everything.
From Sieun's grip,
From his piercing moans,
From his body, his touch---everything.
▪︎
| But even after all of that,
After everything that Seongje had did to him---scolding him countless times, choking him tightly, biting down against his skin, marking him all over ; making him come, at least four times---it turned out to not be enough for, him.
So, after he hit his climax, inside of him---deep inside of him,
Everything after that was a blur,
Happening so fast that Seongje couldn't even take a second to rest, to think, to breath.
He just kept going, like he'd never run out of energy,
Kept tugging Seongje forward, pulling him closer, digging his fingers into his skin, grinding against him ; restlessly kissing him, scratching him, digging his fingers into his back, moaning his name,
Over and over.
And obviously, knowing Seongje,
He continued, giving Sieun what he wanted---holding him down tightly, shoving himself inside of him, watching him break into pieces,
Inch by inch.
☆
The room around them was quiet now, only soft breathes breaking through the silence that hung over them, and occasional gusts of wind bursting through the nearby window.
It was dark, but bright enough for you to actually see around you---everything had a blueish tint to it, the moonlight shining through the window.
▪︎
He breathed heavily, exhaling deeply as his eyes fluttered opened and closed, leaning his head back against the plush pillow beneath him.
After moving for so long, barely being able to catch a break, laying down against the soft mattress felt like heaven.
Leaning his head slightly off the pillow, he closed his eyes and winced, looking down towards his waist. He hadn't counted how many times he had came, but he knew it was definitely enough to make him ache, his lower body feeling as if it were being stung each second.
But despite it, that wasn't the main thing on his mind right now.
He rested his head back down against the pillow, letting out a quiet sigh. His mind drifted away towards his thoughts. He hadn't even been keeping track of the time, but he knew for a fact that at least an hour or so had past, maybe even two, but that seemed unlikely.
That word hit him hard, as his eyes fluttered open.
| ' time '
Squinting by the slightest, his eyes feeling heavy as if he could fall asleep any second, he turned his head to the side to see the phone, still beside him, resting against the mattress. He slowly reached an arm out and grabbed it.
Pulling it towards his face, squinting at the screen, he immediately remembered that it was recording --
• [ 01 : 57 : 32 ]
One hour and fifty seven minutes, basically two hours.
Eyes still on the screen, he let out a slight scoff, clicking the stop button, but immediately winced when he felt a sharp pain in his lower body. It was like any movement made his body ache.
Exhaling, he turned off the phone and placed it to his side, somewhere at the edge of the mattress.
He then slowly turned his head to his side, tilting it against the pillow, as he faced Sieun.
Surprisingly, he was actually asleep.
His eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, letting out soft breathes, his chest rising slowly, and then falling back down.
Seeing him look so, peaceful? So lifeless, after all of that, felt so unreal. Just an hour ago, he was climbing ontop of him, pulling him forward, urging him to---but now? He just looked lifeless, calm.
Seongje let out an exhale as he shifted himself closer towards him, wincing each time he moved his lower body.
Face now beside his, he rested his head near his neck, against the mattress. He slowly ran his hand along Sieun's chest, trying to be as careful as possible to not wake him. Stopping when he reached his side, he rested his arm there, holding him slightly.
Closing his eyes felt so good---like he could fall asleep any second.
But before he fell asleep, before he ended the night, he said one last thing, that managed to barely, slip out of his mouth :
" you better not leave me again sieun, " he mumbled underneath his breath, practically a whisper, the words slurred due to how tired he was.
And after that, he immediately fell asleep,
Right beside him.
Right against him, holding him tight---resting his arm against him as if he could disappear any minute, any second.
| 2 : 48 A M
☆
Notes:
AUUGGH this is probs my fav chap i literally just re read the whole thing to revise it and OHH MY GID
THOUGHTSS??
probably my longest chapter yet so feedback is much appreciated!!
🫶🫶
Chapter Text
☆
" tell me that you love me sieun, "
He heard those words, faintly, echoing throughout his mind. It was like they were coming from the end of a dark tunnel, being whispered faintly from the other side.
He couldn't even see, couldn't even open his eyes---his vision was completely pitch black, nothing in his line of sight.
And then he heard it again, barely a whisper, a hoarse voice, right beside his ear,
" say it, "
The voice sounded like it was getting closer, each second.
" say it sieun, say it for me, "
It was nothing more than a breath, the last word so quiet, it could barely even be heard.
And he couldn't even do anything---it was like he was in limbo, stuck, trapped.
He tried to open his mouth, tried to say something, tried to open his eyes ; to do anything---but he couldn't.
The words kept echoing, each one getting louder and louder, creeping closer towards him through the dark.
It got to a point where his heart rate spiked, as he breathed heavily, his eyes closed shut.
And for one last time, he heard it,
Those two words, coming from right beside him, the voice seeming as if it were directly in front of him, against his skin.
It echoed, before trailing away, dissapearing into the abyss of darkness that surrounded him, that caged him in.
☆
His eyes immediately shot open as he jerked his head up, panting restlessly like a dog whilst he laid on the bed.
There was no doubt---he was a mess.
He was practically sweating all over, his body drenched in it, trailing down his forehead, along his sides. Strands of hair were sticking to his head, while his entire body was shaking, trembling.
He closed his eyes tightly when a sharp pain shocked his entire body, mainly his lower body, though. It felt like his muscles were being torn from bottom to top, trailing up his body.
But that wasn't the worst part of it.
He immediately placed his hand on his forehead, closing his eyes, as he felt his ears ringing, sending a sharp, jolting pain throughout his entire head.
He'd never even felt anything like it,
He's probably only had a headache once or twice due to stress from studying, or family matters. But this? This was like a headache on steroids, a migraine, making his whole head throb, his ears being punctured with a ringing sound that seemed to come from nowhere.
After laying for so long, hoping that the pain would go away, hoping that it would stop, he finally reopened his eyes, his hand still placed tightly on his forehead.
His vision slightly blurry due to squinting his eyes, the entire room around him seemed to be spinning, turning around him, speeding up each second.
Body still shaking, he pushed himself up with his other hand, now shifting slowly towards the edge of the bed, squinting his eyes tightly. Everything around him was---he couldn't even describe it. His mind was definitely not functioning correctly, given the situation that he was in. The light peaking through the window at the corner of his eye was blinding, the rays spreading so far, so bright, that he had to close his eyes at the sight.
And he just sat there, at the edge of the bed, heaving back and forth, groaning, trying to comprehend what was going on---why everything looked so warped, so distorted. But he couldn't even think, couldn't even let a thought go past his head, as pain consumed him, tore him apart whole.
But after those few grueling seconds,
He was immediately brought back to reality when he felt it---felt his stomach sink, felt the nausea boiling inside of him, about to burst.
Placing a hand on his mouth, he pushed himself off the bed hastily. However, as soon as he hit the floor below him, his legs almost gave out on him, as he almost stumbled, but caught his grip on a nearby wall.
His whole body trembling, trying to work properly despite the sharp ache in his lower body, he managed to walk just far enough so that he reached the bathroom, across the room. He immediately fell down to the floor, his legs giving out on him, as he gripped the edge of the toilet tightly.
And he didn't even know how long he sat there for, pathetically on the ground, coughing restlessly into the toilet. It was probably half a minute---maybe even a full minute, at least.
After leaning over the toilet for long enough, he finally pulled back, tilting his head upwards as he breathed heavily, each breath coming out as a ragged exhale. With one lazy movement, he pushed the flush handle down, as he arm immediately fell back towards his side. He slowly pushed himself back far enough so that he was against the nearby wall, as he leaned back against it, closing his eyes, recovering from everything.
But recovering turned out to be hard, as his mind finally started regrouping, his vision gradually becoming more clear.
Not only did his head still hurt, throbbing each second, but his entire lower body ached. His legs felt weak, like he had been starved for weeks, fatigued. Besides his legs, though, other parts hurt, too---but he didn't even want to know why.
He kept his eyes closed as the feeling started to ease down, started to fade away, slowly. His back rested against the wall, whilst his head leaned back against it.
And after atleast a minute or so, he reopened his eyes, finally being able to process the area around him.
Immediately, he was struck by confusion.
His head slowly scanned the area from left to right, his eyes squinted. This wasn't his appartment---the bathroom looked similar, but he could tell the differences. But after a few seconds, he started to recognize the area---started to recognize the room, the smells, the surroundings.
Groaning, he placed one of his hands on the wall beside him as he slowly, carefully, pushed himself up. His legs were still shuddering, shaking every time he moved, feeling as if he could collapse any second. But he held his grip tightly against the wall, holding himself up with his strength.
He then slowly inched closer towards the mirror across the wall, keeping his hand on the wall as he steadied himself, walking in almost a limp.
Once he finally positioned himself infront of the mirror, holding the sides of the sink tightly like he could collapse any second, his eyes grew wide, his stomach dropping by the slightest.
There were too things that caught his eye.
The first one was noticeable, given the dark color. Across the top of his chest, written in neat, yet slightly messy letters, were the words :
| ' take a shower '
Judging by the thickness, it looked like it could've been written with a permanent marker, but he didn't even want to assume that.
If it was, he would be pissed.
The next one was more subtle, barely noticeable until his eyes met it. Towards the top of the mirror, a single piece of paper just sat there, likely a sticky note. Squinting his eyes and slowly moving his head a bit closer to actually get a clear view, he read :
| ' go to the kitchen '
At this point, he had so many questions.
He knew one thing for sure, though. He was in Seongje's appartment, in his bathroom, and for some reason, was sleeping on his bed.
But his mind was filled with other things---having questions, wanting answers.
And the first one was obvious.
Why was he here?
Most importantly, what was wrong with him? Why did his body feel like this---why could he barely even stand up without keeping himself steady, why was his head feeling as if it were about to explode any single second.
Lost in his thoughts, he finally decided to just stop, for now, and try to actually figure something out, anything.
He looked back up at the mirror, his breath gradually becoming less and less ragged, as he examined himself. Not only did he realize, until now, that he had no clothes on, as he pivoted his head downwards. Letting out an exhale, he noticed all the red marks on his leg, across his thigh. He looked back up at the mirror, only to see more---around the sides of his neck, along his arm, trailing down his chest.
And god, every second, the pain grew worse, his headache growing more and more intense.
He grunted when he felt the throbbing, jolting pain in his head again, as he closed his eyes at the feeling.
Reopenning his eyes, he just decided not to focus on his thoughts right now, and instead try to get dressed. He didn't even take time to question why he was naked, why he seemed to have marks all over his body---but he would, soon.
Limping through the doorway as he held his hand against the wall, his gaze caught the bed when he noticed clothes laid out. They were folded neatly, spaced out evenly---a pair of boxers, some black sweatpants, and a baggy t-shirt.
Without a question, he walked over towards the bed, and slipped the clothes on immediately, wincing everything he felt the pain spike in his lower body.
Now clothed, the words on the paper struck through his mind---the kitchen? Letting out a faint sigh, he slowly walked over towards it, passing through the doorway that left the bedroom. Based on the last time he was here, he had a vague memory of the layout, but he knew it was somewhere towards the left after you exited the bedroom.
Just as he had thought, it was towards his left---a spacious room lined with cabinets, counters, and an island in the center. Trying his best to keep himself steady, he walked over towards the counter, wincing underneath his breath at the pain that jabbed him everytime he hit the floor.
Once he reached the counter, he noticed something small, but stood out enough to catch his eye.
Of course, it was another paper---probably another stupid note.
He leaned his head down as he focused on the small piece of paper, reading the words slowly. There were three lines of words, each one written neatly, and suprisingly spaced evenly :
| ' went to school ' - the first sentence wrote,
| ' take these pills ' - the second sentence wrote,
With small arrow drawn at the end of the last word, pointing towards two white pills beside the note.
| ' coming to your place later we need to talk ' - the final sentence wrote,
Making Sieun's breath hitch when he read the last three words.
Exhaling, he tried not to focus on any of the other messages that were left, at the moment. His gaze instead focused on the pills laying beside the small note, with a glass of water directly beside it, as well.
From memory, he guessed that they were likely pain pills, judging by their shape and size. So, without a doubt, he picked the two pills up, placed them in his mouth, drank some of the water, and swallowed them down.
Wincing from the pain that still continued, he slowly turned his head to scan the room around him. What time was it? It was definitely the morning---that was given when he saw the sunlight blinding his eyes. But still, he wanted to know the exact time. After a few seconds of looking, standing still beside the kitchen counter, he finally noticed a small clock hanging against one of the nearby walls.
10 : 36 A M
Had he really slept in that late? He was used to waking up around sunrise, usually five or six am at the least, in order to get to school.
Rubbing his eyes hoping to get rid of his tiredness, he slowly walked over towards one of the nearby walls, heading back towards the bathroom he was in just a few minutes ago. He remembered the note on his chest, written across it, as he walked towards the room.
But his mind was filled with so many questions he couldn't even begin, couldn't figure out where to start---who even wrote it? Did he go to a party? It seemed like the type of thing that would happen at something like that---someone writing a dumb message across your chest, drawing a mustache across your face. Maybe he was dragged into it, and got so, drunk, he couldn't even remember anything that had happened.
That word immediately made him pause, holding his grip tightly against the wall beside him.
His mind started spiraling.
There was only one time he had actually drank alcohol---at the bowling alley, where Seongje practically "forced" him to drink it. But other than that, he's never actually drunk before, willingly at least.
He tried to piece things together, tried to think of anything that could help this make sense. Maybe he got drunk---maybe Seongje dragged him somewhere, forced him to drink something he didn't want to. It would make sense, given the fact that he was mysteriously inside his appartment. However, he didn't want to jump to conclusions, didn't want to seem anything, yet. All he knew, though, was that he definitely must've drank something, something that made him black out so hard that he forgot everything that happened last night.
Once he reached the bathroom, which proved to be very difficult due to how badly his body ached, he carefully took off his clothes, wincing at each subtle movement, and placed them to the side. He grabbed a nearby towel that was hanging behind the door and placed it against the toilet seat.
Walking into the shower, he placed his hand on the tiled shower wall for balance, whilst he used his other to turn the knob slowly, immediately making the water fall down.
And god---it felt so good. He closed his eyes at the feeling, as a stream of warm water poured down onto him, running down his back. Especially since it was so cold inside of the appartment, feeling the warmth of the water against his skin was soothing. His breathes became more and more steady as he kept his eyes closed, finally relaxing after one of the worst mornings in his entire life.
But any form of relaxing soon came to a halt, when he felt something in his lower body.
Reopening his eyes to squint due to the water dripping down him, his grip on the wall immediately tightened when he felt something dripping down his leg, running down his thigh.
Obviously, water was pouring down on him and flowing off his body everywhere, so he didn't exactly notice it at first. But after a few seconds of standing, he started to feel something weird---like something was, inside of him, pouring out of him.
Wincing at the feeling, he pivoted his head down below him, towards his waist. His breath immediately hitched as his eyes grew wide---a thick, white liquid was trailing down his leg, slowly.
He didn't even take a second to realize what it was. He didn't need to understand---it was obvious.
His grip tightened on the wall beside him, trying to hold himself steady, as he closed his eyes tightly, his breathes becoming more ragged. He didn't even know what to do, so he just stood there, hoping it would stop any second, any minute. But it just kept flowing, pouring out of him like it would never end.
After at least a minute--which felt like forever--of standing under the warm water, tensing his body, it seemed to finally stop, making him exhale at the feeling.
He craned his head upwards to face the water, letting it hit his face, running down his sides. Now facing downwards, he let the water hit his lower body, making sure to wash away any remnants of the liquid.
Letting out a sigh, he turned the knob as the water shut off, only small droplets trickling down from the shower head. As he stepped out of the shower, keeping his grip tight against the wall beside him, he used his other hand to grab the towel resting on the toilet and throw it around him, dabbing it against his skin to dry off.
Now halfway dry, he turned to face the mirror on the wall directly beside him. Luckily, the words written across his chest seemed to have come off, filling him with relief. As he looked at the mirror, he used the towel to dry his hair, ruffling the towel up against his head.
And at this point, his body was definitely recovering, as the pain seemed to ease down after a few minutes. Rubbing his eyes, he slipped the clothes back on as he walked out of the bathroom, towards the kitchen.
Once he entered the kitchen, he walked towards the cabinets on the wall, as he rummaged through them, looking for something to eat. Surprisingly, each one had a neat inside, the contents spaced evenly, almost as if the place has never been touched. It was so weird, especially knowing, him. He was definitely, different---not the kind of person who you would assume to have a clean area. And yet, his appartment looked, normal? Not a sign of anything that looked slightly off.
After looking through atleast all of the cupboards, there turned out to barely be anything---it was either not food related, or had to be cooked in order for it to be edible, and obviously, he wasn't going to cook in his appartment.
So in response, he walked over to the fridge. Just as before, it looked normal---everything neatly organized, arranged perfectly. He let out a sigh as he examined it ; it was practically half empty, only a few things scattered throughout the shelves---a carton of eggs, a random brand of energy drink he's never even heard of, some fruit in the bottom drawer, and other things that he just ended up ignoring. How could he even survive on this?
Exhaling, he ended up grabbing one of the fruits from the bottom drawer, a small apple, immediately taking a bite.
Now that he had recovered for atleast half an hour or so, he felt well enough to actually move around---despite walking in a slight limp.
He decided that he was going to head back to his own appartment, and try to rest, try to actually relax,
And hopefully, figure something out,
To try and make sense of what happened to him, last night.
☆
| 3 : 17 P M
Sieun was still, laying across his couch, his head resting against a pillow that leaned against the arm rest. A lazily made ice pack was draped across his forehead---a few ice cubes placed inside of a plastic bag, wrapped in a thin, damp paper towel.
He slowly opened his eyes as he turned to face his phone, laying face down against the couch, beside him.
It was shut off---has been for at least half a week now. After getting some news regarding a personal matter, he chose to stop using it---to take a break.
But now, he honestly had no choice.
So, without any hesitation, he slowly reached his arm over to grab the phone, pushing himself upwards enough so that he could rest his back against the couch, now sitting. He held down the power button, and after a few seconds, the phone screen lit up.
Now he had to wait ; wait for the phone to actually boot up.
He stared at the blank screen for at least a minute or so, until the phone screen finally lit up. Almost immediately, a flood of notifications appeared on the screen.
He swiped up as he unlocked it.
Staring attentively at the phone, he then clicked his messages, as he looked at all the contacts who had messaged him, throughout the week.
▪︎
He started off with his mom, first. There were about seven unread messages, as he clicked the contact. The messages were pretty direct, pretty straightforward---things like :
| ' How have you been? '
| ' How was school today? '
| ' I hope you've been doing alright honey '
The most recent text was more of a serious question, though, asking where he has been, if he's okay.
So, he typed out a short response--a straight forward 'explanation.'
> I'm doing okay, been focused on school.
That last part of the message wasn't completely true---it was the exact opposite. He's actually been avoiding school, atleast was, until yesterday.
▪︎
Next, he checked the messages sent by his friends ; juntae, gotak, baku, etc.
There was about a total of twenty unread messages from them, all seemingly the same. They all said something like :
| ' Hey Sieun, where have you been? '
| ' Is something wrong? Are you sick? You never miss school '
| ' sieun! what's up with you? text me back '
So, similarly, he replied to each one of them just like he did with his mom.
> I haven't been feeling good lately, but I'm doing better
That last part was true---he decided that he needed to stop pushing things away, and most importantly, maintain his academics.
▪︎
Finally, he stared blankly at the most recent contact that had messaged him :
| ' Unknown User '
At this point, he just decided to give the contact a name, since he already knew who this person was. Clicking the contact, he navigated to the "Edit" option. He was about to type in the name, until a thought breezed past his mind.
What if his friends saw the contact?
What if Juntae, knowing how nosey he is, managed to stumble across his messages and saw that he has been 'talking' with, him?
Although he couldn't think of any reason to why that would be bad, he still decided not to actually put his name as his contact, and instead went with one singular word : Annoying
Now, after being so occupied with the whole name deciding process, he finally clicked off of the Edit screen, and looked at the messages.
There was a total of forty one unseen, unread messages.
Not only that, but there were thirty, missed calls.
Staring blankly at the screen, he began slowly scrolling up through the messages. They were mixed---some being slightly concerned, others just being angry, or teasing :
| ' where the fuck are you '
| ' stop ditching its fucking annoying '
| ' open the door i'm gonna freeze my ass off '
And they went on ; more and more random texts, some not even seeming like something he would say, in the first place.
He continued scrolling, trying to find something that could help him figure out what happened. Once he scrolled to the top of the messages, he sighed, as he scrolled back down again to the most recent one.
That's when something in the message made him blink, leaning forward slightly.
The most recent message would make sense. Not only that, but it was from last night, from yesterday :
| i'm going to fucking pass out from alcohol poisoning if you dont respond
- 11 : 26 P M
Given that text, Seongje must've been drinking---doing something that involved alcohol, at least.
But as much as he tried to remember, as hard as he tried to recall something from yesterday, he couldnt remember a single thing involving getting drunk, going to a bar.
Groaning, he turned his phone off as he leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes, letting out a deep exhale.
However, after a few seconds,
Maybe even half a minute, his eyes immediately opened when he felt his phone, still in his hand, vibrate. Looking wearily at the screen, he swiped his phone open, and looked at the notification.
His eyes widened when he noticed who the notification was from.
Without any hesitation, he clicked the contact, and went straight to messages.
There was an attached image,
Not an actual image, but an .img file, which made immediately question why he would've sent a file, rather than an actual photo.
Below the file, there were three different text messages. Sieun slowly read them :
| btw cant stop looking at this picture - 3 : 27 PM
| you look so fucking hot - 3 : 27 PM
| wish i could jerk off to it but i'm in class - 3 : 27 PM
After he read them, his breath stilled.
He didn't even know how to react to those messages---what to think, what to say. His mind focused on one thing, though. One word :
| ' picture '
He knew that he had only taken one picture of him---in the bathroom.
Atleast he thought he'd only taken one, until he remembered something else. The one he took at his appartment of him below him, doing---he didn't even want to think about it.
That had to be it. It would make sense---those messages would definitely align with that image. But all aside, he inhaled, as he pressed the file.
It immediately downloaded onto his phone. Looking at the notification indicating the download had completed, he pressed it.
When the file opened, the image appeared right infront of his screen---right in front of his face.
His heart immediately dropped, as he sat there, silent, staring at the image in front of him. He slowly moved the phone closer to his face to see the image better, squinting his eyes---to confirm that he wasn't going crazy. Unlike he had thought, this was a different photo---similar, but different. It was taken in a bathroom stall, based on the toilet seat that was at the bottom of the photo, which was an obvious take away.
He blinked, as he stared down at the person in the photo. He couldn't even tell whether or not he was going crazy, but it looked like him.
And it was definitely him.
Same face, same eyes, same hair.
And not only that, but he was doing something that made his breath hitch.
He was kneeling down, practically down onto his knees. His eyes were staring deep into whoever the person on the toilet was, which he was guessing, had to be Seongje. And everything else---his hand, his mouth, his tongue. He didn't even want to look at the photo.
Closing the file, he hastily clicked at his screen as he dragged it to the trash, deleting it.
Without a second thought, he immediately went to his contacts, clicked Seongje's contact, and called him. His fingers held the phone tightly as he positioned it by his ear, his breathes ragged. He was so confused---frustrated, confused.
After a few seconds of nothing but ringing,
He finally picked up, making Sieun clench his jaw.
" what is that. " he said sternly, breathing heavily, his voice toned with annoyance.
He could hear faint voices coming from the background of the call, slightly muffled. Judging by the time, he was probably in school, maybe even in class---which was confirmed in the last text message.
And then he heard it,
A slight scoff mixed with a faint laugh, come through the phone.
" woah, it feels so weird hearing you after yesterday, " he said mockingly, with a surprised tone in his voice.
And he was just casually dodging the question---like he didn't even care.
That alone, made Sieun's insides boil.
" im serious, what is that photo. " he said, slower this time, his voice starting to become hoarse from irritation.
He heard a faint laugh pick up through the phone, again.
" hm, which one? you gotta be more specific " he said casually, with a questioning tone.
And god, he just knew, that Seongje was grinning hard, smiling at the sight. If he were there, he would've punched him---would've broke his face, without hesitation.
He exhaled, raggedly.
" the one you just sent me a few fucking seconds ago. " he replied, his voice hoarse, desperate for answers.
A laugh picked up again, more quieter, though.
" ohh, yeah, what about it? " he said as if he'd just remembered something, his voice all casual.
Sieun clenched his jaw.
He was acting like it was nothing, just an average photo, something 'normal.' And that irritated him, as he gripped his phone tighter.
" ah gotta go, but i'll tell you all about it later, hm? " he said quickly, voice still casual as if this was a normal conversation.
And with that, he ended the call,
Making Sieun immediately move the phone towards the front of his face.
Staring at the phone, still on the messages screen, he let out an exhale, eyes fluttering around the room as if he were trying to find an answer---trying to find anything that could help him understand what was going on, where that picture came from.
His thoughts came back, as he turned his phone off and put it to the side. He remembered one of the notes Seongje had left,
| ' coming to your place later we need to talk '
In a way, he was relived, that he was going to come over---but not relieved in a good way, though.
He had so many questions, so many questions that needed to be answered. And Seongje, definitely seemed like the only person who could answer them. Along with that, he was planning to hurt him, too---hit him somewhere where it hurts, but knowing him, it likely wouldn't work, either way.
So now, he just had to wait.
Had to try and relax. But he couldnt---his mind kept drifting back to the situation he was in ; the marks, the liquid, the notes, the headache, the photo.
And soon enough,
Waiting for minutes gradually turned into waiting for hours,
Hours on end.
☆
| 10 : 03 P M
Rain pattered against the nearby window, not too heavy, but light enough for it to make a calming ambience. The lights around him were completely off, leaving only the blue moonlight shining through the window to illuminate the room.
He was laying on his bed, eyes closed, his head slowly turning to the side. He breathed steadily, as his head leaned back against the soft pillow.
It was like he was on the borderline of sleep---about to fall asleep, but still kept himself awake.
And he was so close,
His body gradually becoming more still, his mind fading away into darkness,
Until he heard a nearby sound that interrupted him.
Although it sounded muffled, and didn't even seem real due to how tired he was, he heard a faint knock against his door.
Eyes fluttering open, he rubbed his eyes as he let out an exhale, turning his head slowly to face the front door. He assumed it may have been just another appartment nearby, across the hall maybe, as he closed his eyes, tilting his head back down against the plush pillow.
But then he heard it again,
Louder, more clear.
He looked over again, back at the door.
Groaning underneath his breath, he pulled his blanket off of him as he slowly, pushed himself off the bed. He sluggishly walked over towards the door, flicking on a nearby lamp whilst doing so.
Now at the door, he unlocked it, and turned the knob, pulling to door back to open it.
He was squinting, at first,
But his eyes immediately widened when he saw who was standing directly outside his door.
Their eyes met.
Turns out he was so tired, so exhausted that he totally forgot about him---about him, coming over.
So he just looked up at him, examining him by the slightest. He hadn't even seen him for days, practically half a week. But like always, he was wearing his maroon uniform with a random black graphic tee below it. However, after looking at his hair, it took him a second to realize he was standing out in the rain holding a random plastic bag, water pouring down on him, leaving his clothes entirely soaked. Not only that, but he immediately noticed how beaten up he looked---he had a faint black eye, and a dark red scratch across his face, just above his cheek, which looked as if it were still bleeding.
The silence between them stretched for long enough,
No one saying a word apart from the pattering rain around them, as both of them exchanged looks, Seongje eyeing him up and down.
Seongje titled his head down at him.
" shit, did i wake you up? " he said mockingly, a faint smile lined across his face as he eyed Sieun, up and down.
Sieun pivoted his head downwards, letting out an exhale as his eyes fluttered around the outside, trying to find somewhere to look---somewhere that didn't involve, him.
He then heard Seongje let out a sharp sigh, grabbing his attention.
" you gonna let me in or just leave me out here to get soaked, " Seongje said sternly, staring down at Sieun.
Sieun looked up at him for a split second, let out an exhale, and moved aside for him to come through.
Stepping through the doorway, Seongje let out a slight laugh as he kept his eyes locked on Sieun, until he turned away and walked over towards his kitchen, dripping water all over his floor like a dog.
Still looking at the door, he exhaled as he slowly closed it, proceeding to rub his eyes due to how tired he felt. He then turned to face Seongje, who was, for some reason, unpacking something from the plastic bag he was holding.
" why are you here so late, " Sieun mumbled, still squinting from the brightness of the light as he watched Seongje.
" got busy, had to deal with some shit, " Seongje replied over his shoulder, still rummaging through the plastic bag he placed on the counter.
He stared at him in awe, eyes squintng by the slightest.
" brought you food, " Seongje continued,
Saying it over his shoulder as he took out some paper takeout containers from the bag and placed them against the counter, grabbing Sieun's attention due to how, random, it seemed.
Given how tired he was, he didn't even feel hungry. Fact, he just wanted to go back to his bed, to fall asleep, to relax.
" im not hungry. " Sieun replied underneath his breath, blankly.
Seongje then turned to face him, staring at him, his expression unreadable.
" too bad, " he said sternly, eyes locked on Sieun, his voice slightly toned with something along the lines of anger.
He then moved his head back as he grabbed a chair and pulled it out, then proceeding to look back at Sieun.
" sit. " Seongje said sternly, as he turned back to face the chair and returned his gaze to Sieun, his eyes narrowed.
Judging by his face, he could tell that he was being serious---wasn't joking this time, surprisingly. So after letting out an exhale, he slowly walked over towards the counter, Seongje following each of his movements, turning his head as he kept his eyes grounded on him.
He placed his hands against the chair as he sat down onto it, staring down at the counter, his eyes heavy as if he could fall asleep any second.
His eyes caught Seongje slide one of the paper containers towards him, right below his face, as he then placed some chopsticks down beside it.
Looking down at the container, he then turned his head to face behind him when he heard Seongje walking away, footsteps disapearing behind him. For some reason, he was walking towards his bathroom, all casually like he owned the place. Sieun noticed his red blazer was draped across the seat beside him, completely soaked, dripping water onto his wooden floor---but he was too tired to even care.
After doing who knows what in his bathroom, Sieum caught him, in his peripheral vision, as he saw Seongje walk out holding a towel in one of his hands, using it to dry off his hair.
He turned his head back to face the counter, staring down at the takeout container below him. Although he really didn't feel hungry, he decided to eat it anyway, as he pulled open the flaps of the paper box. Surprisingly, it actually looked good. After seeing Seongje's kitchen, he just assumed that he had no taste in food---but turns out that wasn't entirely true.
Lazily picking up the chopsticks, he grabbed some of the rice inside of the container along with one of the steamed vegetables and placed it inside of his mouth. He could hear Seongje muttering something behind him---probably just cursing at how badly soaked his clothes were.
As he continued eating slowly, still worn out from how tired he felt, he saw Seongje pull out a chair right beside him and slump down into it, groaning. Almost immediately, he turned his head slightly when he saw him start ripping off his shirt, pulling it over his head.
His head was slightly turned so that he could see him in the corner of his eye, watching him, annoyed, as he let out an exhale.
Why was he like this? Always so comfortable, that he didn't even care whether or not people were around him. But all aside, he exhaled as he turned back to face the food below him, eating it slowly.
Seongje let out a deep sigh beside him, rubbing his glasses---trying to get any leftover rainwater off.
And just like always---just like any other time Seongje has sat next to him, stood by him---Sieun could barely just see him staring at him, watching every single movement he made, beside him ; in the corner of his eye.
After sitting in silence for atleast a minute, the tension between them broke.
" how's your head feeling, " Seongje said all of a sudden, his voice low as he stared at Sieun.
Sieun immediately paused when he heard that, those words. Especially since it was coming from, him, that question was so, weird---it felt normal, something similar to what you're parents would ask. So after a few seconds of staring down at the food below him, he just decided to say something straightforward since his mind wasn't functionally properly, due to exhaustion.
" better, " he simply replied, his voice blank as he continued picking at the food below him, his eyes growing more and more heavy each second.
Seongje shifted a bit, leaning back against the backrest of the chair.
" you take the pills i left? " he continued, still keeping his eyes locked on Sieun's side.
Sieun nodded slightly, still continuing to eat the food in front of him, trying to keep his eyes open despite how heavy they felt.
After looking away for so long, he placed his chopsticks inside of the container as he lazily turned to face Seongje, beside him.
Their eyes locked as Seongje made a confused face, furrowing his brows.
" what? " Seongje muttered, eyeing Sieun up and down, tilting his head slightly.
His eyes fluttered around his face, examining the bruises on it ; the deep scratch which seemed to be leaking blood, the black eye hiding underneath his glasses.
" what happened to you're face, " he said blankly, turning his head to try and see if there were anymore marks on the other side of his face.
Seongje rolled his eyes slightly, letting out a groan, as he leaned his head back against the chair.
" its nothing, " he said sternly, turning his head to face Sieun, his eyes narrowed.
Sieun blinked, his eyes still heavy.
" you're bleeding, " he muttered, staring tiredly at Seongje's face.
Based off the look of Seongje's face, he must've not been aware of that.
Furrowing his brows, he brought his hand up to feel at his face, and then pulled it back to reveal the blood stained along his fingers. He winced at the sight as he immediately began brushing the rest of the blood off, sighing.
" i'm fine, " he finally said, a serious look on his face as he turned back to face Sieun.
Seongje was about to say something else, but before he could even get the words out, Sieun pushed himself off the chair, stood up, and began walking towards the bathroom. He heard Seongje mutter a curse as he walked away.
He had no idea what he was doing---it was sort of just an instinct ; whenever you see someone injured, you immediately take action. So once he was inside of the bathroom, he opened up one of the cabinets along the wall and pulled out some antibiotics---alcohol wipes, vaseline, and a long bandage. He managed to fit all of it into his hands as he stepped out the doorway and walked back towards Seongje, who was, like always, watching him.
Now at the counter, he placed them down against it, and took some alcohol wipes in his hand.
Seongje just stared at him---his eyes, his hands. He let out a scoff.
" so what, you're my fucking nurse now? " he said mockingly, eyes narrowed on Sieun, looking up at him.
Sieun just ignored him, as he turned to face him.
Without any hesitation, he took his hand, brought it up, qnd placed it against Seongje's chin, tilting his head upwards. He then took the alcohol wipe that was in his other, and began wiping the wound, slowly, leaning his head forward to make sure he knew what he was doing.
In response, Seongje jerked his head slightly back immediately, wincing at the feeling.
Sieun kept trying to clean the wound, but Seongje's moving body made it much harder than it should be.
" hold still, " he said sternly, underneath his breath, eyes locked on Seongje's as he started to get more annoyed with how 'pathetic' he was acting.
His eyes that were previously closed immediately reopened, as Seongje's gaze met Sieun's. He let out a slight laugh, still wincing a bit due to the stinging.
" your cute when you're bossy, " he said with a faint smile lined across his face, eyes focused on Sieun.
Still trying to concentrate as he wiped at the wound, Sieun let out an exhale.
" shut up, " Sieun muttered underneath his breath, eyes focused on the deep scratch that seemed to never stop bleeding.
Letting out a quiet exhale, he pressed the wipe down onto his skin, hopefully applying enough pressure so that the bleeding would stop, soon. Seongje hissed at the feeling.
" hold that, " he said blankly, indicating for Seongje to hold the wipe down.
Seongje complied, as he pulled his hand up and placed it on the wipe, holding it down, but wincing at the feeling. Turning back to face the counter, he then took the small container of vaseline, pulled the cap off, and held the container in his hand.
He then turned back to face Seongje, who was still staring at him---his eyes locked on his.
Looking down at the container for a split second, he dabbed his finger in it, getting just the right amount. He placed the container back down onto the counter, and used his other hand to pull Seongje's hand away from the wipe.
And Seongje's eyes never left his.
Sieun just avoided looking at him---tried to focus on what he was doing. But even though he wasn't directly looking at him, he could feel him staring deep into him, watching him with that same unreadable face---that expression that looks like you're waiting for something, stuck in a trance.
He slowly pulled the wipe away, Seongje wincing as he did so. Surprisingly, it looked as if the bleeding had stopped, leaving a faint red mark. He placed the bloody wipe back onto the counter as titled Seongje's head up a bit more to get a better view.
Taking his two fingers, he slowly applied the vaseline onto the scratch, rubbing it along the wound.
Seongje let out a deep exhale, followed with a faint laugh under his breath.
" this is kinda hot, i should get beaten up more often, " he said with a slight smirk, looking up at Sieun, eyes locked on him.
Sieun immediately paused what he was doing, his fingers going still, as he looked down at Seongje with an annoyed face. Glaring at him for a few seconds, he then turned back to face the wound, as he continued spreading the vaseline with his fingers.
" you know i would punch you if i wasn't so tired, " he muttered under his breath, eyes still focused on treating the wound.
Seongje let out a faint laugh as he continued looking up at Sieun.
" oh really? even better, " Seongje said mockingly, grinning by the slightest.
Sieun just ignored him as he finally pulled his fingers away and turned to face the counter.
He took the bandage that was sitting against it, pulled off the seal, and turned back to face Seongje as he aligned it with the wound. Slowly, he pressed his fingers down against it, making sure it adhered correctly.
Letting out an exhale at his finished work, he turned to face the counter as he picked up the leftover wipes, and walked over towards the nearby trashcan to throw them away.
He heard Seongje scoff faintly, behind him.
" i'm surprised your legs can still function after yesterday, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, but came out loud enough for Sieun to hear.
☆
And that alone, made Sieun pause.
His whole body stilled as he stood just in front of the kitchen counter, facing away from Seongje.
Obviously, he was tired ; so tired that he was on the verge of falling asleep any minute, so his mind was definitely not functioning clearly. But after he heard those words---one word in particular---his breath hitched, as his thoughts started rushing back through his mind.
| ' yesterday '
That triggered him,
Made his vision become more clear.
Other things passed through his head, as well---the hangover, the random ache in his body, the liquid that came directly out of him, the photo.
Lost in his thoughts, frustration starting to boil inside of him, he finally turned around, walked back over to the seat beside Seongje, and sat down.
His breathes were more ragged, as he faced the counter below him. After a few seconds, though, he finally turned to face Seongje, who was giving him a confused look.
He exhaled, his face blank.
" what happened yesterday, " he said with a serious tone, his eyes locked with Seongje's.
For some reason, as soon as he heard Sieun say that, Seongje closed his eyes as he titled his head back, almost like he had just remembered something.
" oh shit, i forgot, " he muttered underneath his breath, barely a whisper as his eyes fluttered around the room, looking away from Sieun.
Sieun, still looking at Seongje, still waiting for an answer, was about to reach his breaking point.
" seongje! im serious-- " Sieun began, until he was cutoff.
It caught him off guard when he saw him turn his head to face him, a frustrated look across his face.
" no shut the fuck up-- " he blurted out, loud enough to overlap the rain hitting the window outside, loud enough to make Sieun pause, as he froze.
Sieun's mouth that was previously open, about to say something, closed, but kept open enough for him to breath. He just stared at Seongje, confused, having no idea how to react, a frustrated expression across his face.
And Seongje---Sieun couldn't even tell what was wrong with him, what he was thinking.
He was just muttering curses underneath his breath, eyes darting around the room,
Until finally,
He turned to face Sieun, letting out a frustrated groan, eyes narrowed on him.
" five days sieun-- five fucking days and you didn't even care? " he began, his voice hoarse as he faced Sieun.
He was frozen, still, as he stared at Seongje, his brows furrowed. He's seen Seongje get mad before, get angry at him, get into a fight. But this? He couldn't even tell what was going on---he looked so annoyed, so irritated, for no reason.
Seongje let out a sharp exhale.
" didn't fucking respond, didn't call back, just ghosted me like i meant nothing -- like i didn't even fucking matter " he continued, his voice growing louder, more infuriated.
Processing what he had said, he closed his eyes as he turned to face the counter, exhaling. It all was starting to make sense by the slightest---why Seongje seemed so, annoyed.
Sighing, he turned away as he kept his eyes focused on the counter below him.
" i wasn't ghosting you, " he said blankly, underneath his breath.
That, was true.
Atleast part of it was. In a way, he just wanted to avoid the people around him---wanted to be alone. But he wasn't intending on making Seongje think that he 'ghosted' him, on purpose.
He heard Seongje scoff beside him.
" oh really? so you just decided all of a sudden to dissapear out of no where? -- " Seongje continued, his voice toned with annoyance.
" -- to take a little vacation and not even bother to fucking care about how that made me feel? - how pathetic you made me look? " he blurted out, his voice grower more ragged, by the second.
Sieun tightened his grip against the counter, letting out an exhale.
" i just-- " he began, his voice barely a breath.
His mind was spiraling, trying to figure out right words, trying to figure out what to say, how to explain it to him.
" i needed a break, " he said blankly, his gaze still facing the counter, avoiding Seongje's.
Once again, that was true, as well.
He really did want to take a break---take a break from everyone; from overthinking , from worrying . But based on Seongje's reaction, he must've not even taken Sieun seriously, as he let out a slight laugh beside him.
" ohh -- right, yeah, " Seongje said sarcastically, eyes fluttering around the room for a few seconds before returning to Sieun.
" just taking a break? --- taking a break to get so fucking wasted so that you could use me as your personal fucktoy? " he continued, his voice growing more and more ragged.
Sieun's breath stilled when he heard that.
He still had no idea what had happened yesterday---what happened between him and Seongje. But judging from that, he assumed that it must've been, bad.
He just ignored it though, still trying to figure out how to get his point out.
" i was going through something. " he said sternly as he exhaled, still avoiding Seongje's glare.
He heard Seongje shift beside him, seeing him lean in closer towards him, in his peripheral vision.
" bullshit, how the fuck do you expect me to believe that, " Seongje immediately replied, his voice hoarse, underneath his ragged breathes.
Sieun swallowed.
It was like nothing he said worked, nothing he said, pleased him.
" it's personal, " he said under his breath.
But even after all of that,
After everything he had said, Seongje just didn't even care---didn't understand a thing that he was saying. But if he was going to be honest, Sieun didnt exactly know what he was trying to say, either.
He heard Seongje mutter a curse beside him.
" yeah, -- so personal that you just had to get fucking drunk like a pathetic loser, huh? " Seongje blurted out, eyes still narrowed on Sieun's side.
And god---he was so confused.
Everything he kept saying, everything Seongje kept telling him about yesterday---none of it made sense. Getting drunk? He couldnt even remember laying a finger on alcohol, not even letting it in his sight, much less entering a bar.
So after refraining for so long, he finally turned to face Seongje, who was right beside him, already staring deep into him, glaring at him.
" what are you talking about? " he said directly at Seongje's face, his brows furrowed, letting out a frustrated sigh.
And the look the Seongje was giving him---it made him still, his breath stop for a second, his face grow hot as if it were boiling from the inside.
" don't play fucking stupid, " Seongje immediately replied, eyes narrowed on Sieun.
Sieun closed his eyes for a second, turning away to think---to try and recall something, anything from last night that could help him understand what was going on.
And the way that Seongje was acting like it was so obvious, only made him more annoyed, more frustrated.
" i-- im serious, i don't remember, i cant-- " he began, not even knowing what to say, his voice starting to get more ragged.
" how the fuck could you not remember walking into a club? " Seongje exclaimed, his voice still toned with annoyance.
And Sieun, now facing the counter once again, was trying so hard to recall anything from yesterday.
But nothing worked.
All he remembered, though, was that he wanted to take a break, take a break to forget about everything, to stop thinking, stop worrying. To stop thinking about the fact that he had lost someone he loved, lost someone who cared for him---and although he may have been unforgiving at some points, although he may have not always been there for him, it was still hard on him.
" i don't know, " he simply replied, barely a whisper, gaze fixated below him.
He heard Seongje let out a sharp sigh beside him, muttering something under his breath that he couldn't even understand.
Turning his head slightly so that he could see him in the corner of his eye, he caught Seongje push himself off the chair, and walk away, footsteps trailing behind him. He turned his head back to watch him, confused by where he was going, why he was just 'leaving' after all that had happened.
All casually, he walked over to Sieun's couch and slumped down onto it, proceeding to try and take something out if his pocket.
Sieun exhaled, and without even questioning his actions, he followed after him, sliding off the chair as he walked over.
He sat down beside him---close enough so that it felt normal, but far enough so that the tension wasn't too strong. Leaning his back against the couch, he closed his eyes for atleast a second, still feeling as if he could fall asleep any minute.
Once reopened, he could see Seongje lighting a cigarette in his mouth, beside him. And at this point, he didn't even care. In the past, he would always get so annoyed by him when he would do something like this. But now? He's just gotten used to it, and deep down, he may of even admitted that he liked the smell---it reminded him of, him, in a way.
A few seconds past, as they sat in silence.
Taking a drag, Seongje exhaled the smoke infront him, flowing through the wind as it dissapeared into thin air.
" sorry for snapping at you, " he said blankly, staring off into the distance infront of him.
Those words caught Sieun off guard.
Seongje apologizing? It felt so weird hearing him say something as 'normal,' as that.
" it's fine, " Sieun simply replied, eyes fluttering around the room.
His mind drifted away into his thoughts, as Seongje was too busy sucking against his cigarette.
He was still filled to the the brim with confusion, with frustration. His mind was trying to figure out the best way to ask him---the best way to figure out what he did, what happened yesterday. But he had already asked the question before, which didn't seem to work, since Seongje didn't even end up answering it and instead took it the wrong way. So what was he supposed to say now?
The silence between them stretched for atleast a minute, the rain still pouring hard against the window not too far away, beside them.
Sieun opened his mouth, figuring out what to say---how to say it. He just ended up going with three simple, straightforward words.
" was it bad, " he said quietly---but loud enough to catch Seongje's attention.
He saw him turn his head towards him in his in the corner of his eye, cigarette resting between his fingers.
" hm? " Seongje hummed, obviously not knowing what Sieun was talking about.
He should've known that it would be too vague---he had to be more specific. So he clarified, letting out an exhale, eyes locked on the floor in front of him.
" last night, " Sieun added, his breath stilling due to the anticipation of waiting, waiting for an answer.
Seongje leaned his head back against the couch, letting out a slight laugh as he realized what Sieun was talking about.
" oh-- depends on your definition of 'bad,' " he said beside Sieun, turning his head to the side to face him, a slight smile across his face.
Sieun just sat there, eyes fixated on the floor, still waiting for an exact answer. His eyes caught Seongje place the cigarette back into his mouth, inhaling, and exhaling the smoke out infront of them.
" yeah, you were fucking crazy, " Seongje muttered with a faint laugh, further clarifying.
That word just made things even worse. Seongje calling him crazy? Usually it was the opposite way around. All aside, though, he exhaled as he leaned his head back against the couch.
However, Seongje immediately caught his attention when he heard him shift on the couch.
" look, " he heard Seongje say, almost at random.
Sieun turned his head to the side.
For some reason, he was now facing the other way, his back facing Sieun---he had almost forgotten that he was shirtless, until now. However, after looking lazily at him for a few seconds, his eyes caught something lined against the sides of his back.
Mainly around the back of his shoulders, there were tons, of faint scratch marks, some looking as if they could be bleeding. Some of them were higher up towards his neck, while other faint ones were lower, trailing down towards his waist. It was almost like a cat had attacked him---scratched him a thousand times, over and over. And god, Sieun hoped, that he wasn't the one who did that, but those chances were unlikely.
He let out an inaudible gasp, his eyes still darting around Seongje's back.
" that's all from you, " Seongje said over his shoulder, slowly shifting as he turned back to face Sieun.
Sieun turned his face away, now facing the floor once again.
What should he even say to that? Should he apologize? He felt bad---felt embarrassed, for even doing that to him, in the first place. His mind was hazy, still on the verge of falling asleep, as he tried to figure out what to say. He ended up going with something simple, as an instinct.
" sorry, " he said blankly, underneath his breath, exhaling as he kept his gaze stuck in front of him.
In the corner of his eye, he saw Seongje shift a bit, moving closer towards Sieun's side. He could see him facing towards him, staring through him.
" it's fine, i liked it, " Seongje muttered with a slight laugh, seemingly close beside Sieun.
Of course he liked it.
Why would he even try to apologize for something like that? It was kind of given, too---he already knew that Seongje was messed up, that he liked 'weird' things :
Liked being choked, liked getting into fights , liked getting bitten---and apparently getting scratched, too.
So he just exhaled, head starting to hang low from how exhausted he felt.
But he saw Seongje shift again.
Closer---close enough to barely tighten the space between them. He felt Seongje's leg brush up against his, as he just casually proceed to spread his legs out, like he didn't even care about personal space.
And what came next, completely shifted the air around them.
" you came on me seven times, " Seongje said all of a sudden, his voice low, eyes locked on Sieun.
Sieun cringed by the slightest when he heard those words, eyes closing as he let out an exhale. It sounded so random, too---so out of place.
" seven fucking times sieun, " Seongje continued, voice turning into something more dangerous---more hoarse, but quiet.
And the silence between them was unbearable. The tension between them intense. Sieun didnt even know how to react---how to respond. But that sentence alone made him feel, weird, knowing that he did something like that.
" that's gross, " Sieun muttered under his breath, letting out a sigh as his eyes fluttered around the room.
Seongje shifted again --
Their shoulders now touching by the slightest, as Sieun could feel the warmth of his body, against him.
" it was hot, " Seongje said immediately, his voice barely a whisper, his face seemingly close to Sieun's.
Sieun's breath stilled at those words.
It was so embarrassing, as he could feel his face growing hotter. He hadn't even seen Seongje in at least half a week, so hearing his voice---hearing him right beside him, talking like this? He just tried to push it aside, tried not to think much about it, as his gaze focused on the view in front of him, avoiding him.
But that soon turned to be out difficult, when he felt Seongje's hand grab his.
He saw Seongje, directly beside him, slowly reach his arm over and grab his hand, wrapping his fingers around it, pulling it over towards his side.
" what are you-- " Sieun began, watching Seongje's hand against his, in awe.
He tried to pull his hand away, tried to slip away from Seongje's grasp, but his grip only tightened around Sieun's hand, immediately making Sieun grunt slightly.
He watched in awe, in confusion, as he saw Seongje lower his hand onto his crotch, making his eyes widen. Almost immediately, he pressed Sieun's hand firmly against him, as he began pushing his hand back and forth, urging him, to touch him.
And Sieun, just stared---didn't know what to do, how to react to something like this.
Just seconds ago, they were sitting in silence, nothing but quiet exhales and occasional shifts. Minutes ago, they were fighting---arguing at least, Seongje throwing cusses at his face. But now, this? He could even grasp the gravity of the situation, his mind was too hazy, too exhausted.
" you did this to me, twice. " he heard Seongje mutter beside him,
His face so close now, that he could feel the warmth of his ragged breathes hitting the side of his face.
" made me touch you, --- begged me to make you cum, over and over, " Seongje continued between ragged breathes, his voice turning into something more dangerous.
He could feel Seongje's hand starting to move faster, by the slighest---more demanding, more firm. And not only that, but he could feel, him---feel him directly, and just the thought of knowing how hard Seongje was made him swallow---made him want to shove him away, to stop making him 'touch' him.
Trying not to think about it---to think about the fact that he could feel himself gradually growing harder---he refrained from looking at Seongje, from looking at his hand, as he kept his gaze locked on the floor, his eyes closing occasionally, letting out audible exhales.
He shuddered when he felt Seongje lean in closer, close enough so that his mouth was barely against touching the skin along the side of his neck.
" you moaned my name, " Seongje muttered against him, barely a whisper, his warm lips brushing against Sieun's neck.
His body felt like it was boiling, from the inside.
He didn't know why he wasn't just pushing him away, why he was just letting him do this. Obviously, he was definitely strong enough to pull back, so why wasn't he? He just ended up closing his eyes, trying to figure out what to do.
" begged me to go faster, --- to fuck you harder, " Seongje continued, his breathes more heavy against Sieun's neck, his voice ragged, the words fading into a breath.
The more he said, the more tense he grew. And it was too much.
He was too close.
His entire body practically pressing against Sieun's, the heat radiating from him directly transferring to him. His grip was too tight, making his hand ache as he continued pressing Sieun's hand firmly against his crotch, continuesly. And his mouth, his lips that were brushing against the side of Sieun's neck, the breath that was repetitively hitting his skin, was too hot---too harsh, too strong.
And on top of that, Seongje was now noticeably letting out faint moans, in between ragged breathes, directly beside Sieun---near his ear, against the skin of his neck, making him shudder slightly whenever he felt his breath hit his skin. He could even feel Seongje slowly pushing his hips back and forth, jerking his waist up and down, in a subtle manner, but desperate enough to make Sieun notice.
It got to a point where he couldn't handle it.
His mind was so hazy, so foggy that everything around him started to blur---to go static.
And Seongje only made it worse.
His eyes fluttered around the room as he tried to figure out what to say, what to do. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but he couldnt.
So he just said one word, one direct word, that came out so quiet he didn't even think Seongje would hear it.
" stop, " he muttered under his breath,
Barely a whisper, as he tugged his hand back away from Seongje's tight grip.
Seongje immediately let out a muffled groan, as Sieun felt him lower his head down and rest it against his shoulder, still breathing heavily.
" but im so close, " he whined beside Sieun, his voice ragged and quiet.
Sieun just sat there, frozen, heart pounding against his chest, not knowing what to do. His breathes were heavy as he swallowed.
" just a little more, --- come on, finish me off sieun, " Seongje mumbled underneath his breath, head pressing hard against Sieun's shoulder.
But he was too tired,
Too exhausted to even try and think about the situation.
His mind foggy from everything, he just decided to ignore Seongje, to try and refocus, and not get lured in by him. So, he shoved Seongje away slightly, pressing down on his side, as he shifted a bit over so that he wasn't pushing his weight entirely against him---so that he wasn't so close.
Seongje groaned at the action, as he leaned his head back against the couch, muttering a curse under his breath.
" fuck-- you really gonna make me jerk myself off? " he mumbled beside him, mockingly, turning his head slightly to face Sieun.
Sieun, still recovering from everything that had just happened, just let out heavy exhales as he avoided Seongje's face, instead focusing his gaze on the floor in front of him, not even processing a word that Seongje said.
Although his vision was slightly blurry, and even though he was tired, his eyes managed to catch a sudden shift in Seongje's body,
In the corner of his eye, he saw Seongje tilt his head slightly downwards, facing Sieun's lower body ; more specifically, his waist.
And Sieun, he didn't even need to look down to see how hard he was---he could feel it in his lower body, and just the thought alone, made him cringe. It was so embarrassing, too, knowing that Seongje could do this to him, could to this to his body, without even trying.
So, he turned his head slightly to the side to face Seongje, after avoiding him for so long.
Just as he thought, he caught Seongje's eyes locked on his waist---on his crotch. After a few seconds, his eyes went to focus on Sieun, staring deep into him, beside him. Sieun's eyes immediately darted downwards when he saw Seongje shift his hand, slightly towards him.
And he didnt even know why he would bother trying, but he just did it anyway, knowing that it probably wouldn't help. He hastily moved his hands onto his waist, covering himself, as his eyes focused on Seongje's hands beside him.
Seongje furrowed his brows when he noticed what he was doing. He let out a slight laugh at Sieun's actions.
" what? you tryna hide sonething? " he said mockingly, tilting his head at Sieun, beside him.
Hands still covering himself, he turned his head slightly to face Seongje, as their eyes locked.
" don't, " he said sternly under his breath, focusing on Seongje's eyes.
He watched him, saw as his eyes darted back and forth between his face, and his waist. Not only that, but he had a faint grin lined across his face, smiling as if this were 'entertaining' for him.
The tension between them grew strong, as they exchanged looks back and forth, Sieun watching him to make sure he didn't even try.
But in the matter of seconds, his plan of not letting Seongje see himself, immediately shattered.
With one quick movement,
Seongje threw his hand towards Sieun's, shoved the hands that were previously "
'guarding himself' away, and lowered his other directly onto Sieun's crotch, tightening his grip firmly. Sieun tried to push him away, to shove his hand away from him, but any attempt ended up failing, due to how weak his body felt from exhaustion.
Sieun let out frustrated exhale as he turned his head away, trying to ignore how 'stupid' Seongje was acting.
He heard Seongje laugh faintly beside him, his face seemingly close, eyes fluttering between his hand and Sieun's face.
" woah-- you're already rock hard? " Seongje said mockingly with a faint smile on his face, looking at Sieun's side.
Sieun swallowed, his eyes fluttering around the room as could feel his face burning up, growing hotter each second.
" and i haven't even touched you yet, " Seongje continued, notably amused by the sight, his voice filled with shock.
He felt Seongje move again, noticing his head tilt backwards, in the corner of his eye. His body shuddered slightly when he felt Seongje's lips brush up against his skin.
" huh, is my voice really that hot? " he muttered into Sieun's ear, barely even a whisper.
And that was enough to make Sieun come back to his senses.
Letting out a heavy exhale, he finally gathered the strength to shove Seongje aside, pushing him back, slightly. He then pushed himself off the couch, as he stood up to breath.
He heard Seongje let out an annoyed groan behind him.
" what? did the hangover make you cranky or something, " Seongje muttered behind him, with a mocking tone.
Ignoring him, his eyes fluttered around the room, still heavy from how tired he felt. After a few seconds, though, his eyes caught the clock that was sitting against the wall directly in front if his line of sight :
10 : 56 P M
Sieun closed his eyes, sighing, when he realized how late it was,
How he was planning to fall asleep by ten PM at the least, but was immediately interrupted by Seongje at his doorstep.
" it's late, we have school tomorrow. " he said blankly as he turned his head slightly to face Seongje, who was to no surprise, already staring at him.
Seongje let out a faint scoff.
" yeah, no shit " Seongje immediately replied, oblivious to what Sieun was trying to hint at.
He exhaled as he tried to figure out how to clarify what he was trying to say. It was late---he just wanted to go to bed, to relax. But obviously, with Seongje here, literally a few inches away from him, that would be impossible to do.
" i'm going to bed, " he said sternly as he faced away from Seongje, further clarifying his point.
He was about to start heading towards the bathroom, just barely about to step forward,
Until Seongje immediately said something that made him still.
" cool, i'm sleeping over, " he said all casually, letting out a faint groan as he pushed himself off the couch to stand up.
Sieun was about to say something, about to open his mouth to let a word fly out, but before he could even protest, Seongje cut him off.
He was now standing directly beside Sieun, looking down at him, his head tilted by the slightest.
" what? -- you really expect me to walk out there and get drenched by the fucking rain? " he said all wearily, as if he were trying to make Sieun show pity for him.
Sieun turned his head to face him, looking up at him with annoyance, as he saw Seongje lean in a bit closer. He clicked his tongue by the slightest.
" come on sieun, don't be so rude to your boyfriend, hm? " he further added, a grin lined across his face.
He didn't even flinch when he heard that word---didn't even process it.
He just ignored him, irritated by him, so eager to just get in bed already, to fall asleep. His eyes drifted away from him, growing heavier and heavier by the second, as he exhaled.
" i'm using the bathroom first, " Seongje said mockingly beside him, as brushed past Sieun's side and walked all casually towards the bathroom directly across from them.
He watched, his eyes locked on Seongje. His back was facing him, as he faded into the distance, shutting the bathroom door. And he couldn't help but notice the marks left on his back, all the individual scratch marks---the fact that he was the one who left those, who did it.
Trying to push it aside, he sighed as he walked over towards the right side of his bed, nearest to the window, directly beside him.
Usually, he would do his bedtime routine---use the bathroom, brush his teeth, floss, and so on. But he already did it just before Seongje appeared at his door, and even if he didn't do it, he felt too tired, too exhausted, like he could collapse any second. And plus, Seongje was occupying the bathroom, too.
So, he ended up lazily walking over towards the far right side of the bed and slumped down onto it, turning the lamp off that was illuminating the room around them. He turned over onto his side as he pulled the blanket up just above his chest, now facing away from the other side of the bed.
And he didn't even need to think twice, about where Seongje was going to end up sleeping.
It was obvious. He had options, though---on the couch, on the floor. But he knew for a fact that he wasn't even going to take any of those, wasn't even going to consider it.
So he just ended up keeping close to the very edge of the bed, giving them enough space so that it felt normal, at least.
▪︎
A few minutes past as he laid there in silence, eyes closed, the rain pattering against the window directly beside him.
Until he heard the faint click of the door in the distance, immediately reminding him that, he, was still here ---
In his appartment, in his bathroom, literally seconds away from sleeping, beside him.
Eyes still closed, he slowly reopened them when he heard faint footsteps around the corner, growing louder each second. Since his back was facing the other way, he couldnt tell if he was even near him yet. But soon enough, he felt the bed shift a bit.
He heard Seongje beside him, shuffling against the bed.
" fuck, i can barely see a thing--" he muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Sieun to hear.
Sieun let out an inaudible sigh as he slowly reached his hand out, placed his hand on the side table beside him, and lazily clicked the switch of the lamp, dimly illuminating the room.
He squinted his eyes at how bright the light seemed, even though it looked so dim.
" thanks, " Seongje muttered behind him, letting out a faint laugh.
Still laying on his side, he felt the bed shift slightly when Seongje finally climbed onto it, laying directly beside him. It was silent for a few seconds, nothing but the sound of fabric shuffling as Seongje adjusted beside him,
Until he heard him make one of his stupid comments again.
" you wouldn't mind if i slept naked right? " Seongje muttered beside him, all casually as if it weren't a 'weird' question.
Sieun immediately turned his body over to the side as his head faced Seongje, his face covered with annoyance.
" are you serious, " he said sternly, eyes locked on Seongje beside him.
And just as always, seeing Sieun's face, seeing his reaction, amused Seongje, as he immediately began laughing slightly when he locked eyes with Sieun.
" no, but it is tempting though, " Seongje muttered, his words almost hard to understand due to the fact that he was still laughing by the slightest.
He let out a frustrated sigh as he turned back over onto his side, facing away from Seongje. Reaching his arm out, he flicked the switch of the lamp, immediately making the room go dark, as the moonlight through the window shined through.
It was silent for a few seconds---literally almost a minute, as Sieun closed his eyes.
But that silence was immediately broken into pieces, by Seongje.
You name all the noises someone could make---he was doing all of those. Yawning, grunting, sighing, groaning. He must've been stretching, due to the slight shifts of the bed.
" can you atleast try to be quiet, " Sieun said over his shoulder, annoyed by how Seongje was acting.
He heard him let out a faint laugh, behind him.
" sure, i'll try my best " Seongje mumbled mockingly, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Turning back over onto his side, he closed his eyes once again, arms resting ontop of the blanket that was above him.
And surprisingly, after a few more shifts and tugs of the blanket, Seongje actually went quiet,
Didn't say a word, didn't make a noise, didn't even move an inch. It almost felt like he wasn't even there, wasn't even beside him.
But for some reason, instead of his mind going hazy, his body gradually becoming more and more weak to fall sleep,
It did the exact opposite.
It was like he was becoming more, awake? His vision becoming clearer, his mind actually starting to function correctly. Usually by this time, he would be drifting away towards sleep, his mind completely blank.
But something kept him locked, kept him awake.
And there wasn't a question about who that thing was, who that person was.
It was, him,
Literally laying right beside him. But it wasn't just him as an individual; he couldn't stop thinking about other things, too---his voice, his touch, his body, his face.
And not only that, but the fact that they were just 'casually' laying on the same bed, next to each other,
The same bed that Seongje shoved him onto, that he choked him to death on, almost making him pass out from suffocation ; the same bed where Seongje demanded him to strip, and he obeyed without any hesitation ; the same bed where Seongje edged him to death, to the point where Sieun pathetically urged him to go faster, without a thought.
But that wasn't even the worst part.
His mind kept drifting towards the things that Seongje had said he did. Despite his mind being foggy during the moment, though, he still managed to remember snippets of what Seongje was saying---what he was muttering against his skin, what he was saying against the side of his neck.
Numerous things passed through his mind, numerous words, phrases :
| ' begging , moaning his name , urging him to go faster , to go harder '
He didn't even want to believe what Seongje had said, to believe that he, had even said those things, did them.
It didn't even seem like something he'd do---but of course, knowing that he was drunk, helped flip the chances.
His mind pushed all of his thoughts away when he felt Seongje shift slightly against the bed, beside him, immediately reminding him that he was right there. He didn't even know why his body was doing this to him, but fear swept over him, making him still. Why was he scared? In a way, he didn't feel scared entirely---but the thought of knowing that he was right beside, directly behind him, sent a shiver down his spine.
Trying to relax his mind, he closed his eyes as he steadied his breathing.
But literally seconds after trying to do so, something swept through his mind, making his eyes open immediately.
At the time, it felt like it was happening right there---like he was directly beside him, or he was directly in front of him. He couldn't even tell which way around it was due to the fact that his vision was blank, completely black. But now? It felt like it was a distant memory, something tucked at the back of his mind that he could barely even remember or think to recall it.
He had just assumed it was a dream, something he must've dreamt about last night. But a dream about, him? It didn't exactly seem like the type of thing he would be dreaming about, in the first place. In the moment, it seemed so real, too---his voice sounded so close.
Closing his eyes tightly, trying the best he could to refrain from thinking about it, his breath immediately stilled when he remembered what he heard in the dream---what Seongje was saying beside him, in front of him :
| ' tell me that you love me sieun ' ' say it, '
| ' say it for me, '
Those words hit his brain like a shockwave, making him exhale inaudibly.
He closed his eyes tensing, trying his best to push all of his thoughts away, to just completely stop thinking and shut his mind off,
But any attempt to do so, failed, as his
thoughts kept rushing back to, him,
Invading his head, over and over.
And he just knew, that this night was going to be long.
☆
Notes:
I didn't even realize how long this was until I had to copy and paste it TWICE?? longest chapter yet?? But omg finally a chapter that isn't entirely smut wow!
Anyways it started getting too long so I decided to just chunk up this scene into two chapters! And something SPICY is going to happen soon yall let me tell you
BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINKK!!
feedback is very appreciated 🫶🫶
☆
Chapter 14: words ☆
Chapter Text
☆
| 10 : 58 P M
He didn't even know how much time had passed since he'd first climbed onto the bed. He didn't want to know, but he was guessing, it had to be somewhere around half an hour---maybe even a full one.
And of course, rather than gradually becoming more relaxed, more comfortable,
His body did the exact opposite---his mind being flooded to death with numerous thoughts, his body tensing, his mind racing, over and over.
Out of all the thoughts, though, there was one that he couldn't stop thinking about, that made him still whenever he even thought about it, whenever it slipped passed his mind.
But the main reason it reached his mind, was because of the dream---the distant memory of, his, voice right beside him, echoing throughout his head.
And one word in particular, made his stomach twist :
| ' love '
He wasnt exactly the type of person to even let that word pass by him, to even take a second to bother about, it. He was stubborn---focused primarily on academics, barely even showing any sort of emotion for the time being. He never really expressed his feelings, either, usually just ended up not saying anything, or just letting it slide right past him---apart from school matters, though. The only thing close to love that he's ever given, was friendship---loyalty towards his parents, his friends.
And he couldnt even think of a time where he's even thought about that word before, that concept. He hasn't even actually been in 'love' before, too. Maybe years back, maybe when he was young, he might've had a crush on one of his classmates during school.
But worse, though,
He hasn't even ever, been touched like this before. Hasn't ever, in his life, engaged in anything like this---nothing sexual, atleast. Fact, the first time he actually engaged in something even related to that was with, him. With Seongje, at the bowling alley. And he wasn't even in his right mind, too---he was drugged, unknowingly.
Now that he thought about it, it seemed blurry, like a distant memory tucked at the very back of his mind. But besides how blurry the memory seemed, he could clearly remember the feeling,
What he felt when he slid his fingers into Seongje's mouth, when he felt his warm tongue run along his fingers, when he pushed himself inside of him, willingly.
And even worse, was the day after that.
The moment when he walked out of school and caught him right beside him, standing all casually against the building in the corner of his eye---when he followed him without a question. And the fact that he wasn't drugged, the fact that his mind was completely clear, that he was functioning correctly, only made it easier to recall,
The way, he, touched him, they way he looked at him---how he just let him do that to him, how his body literally gave out on him in the matter of minutes.
He felt everything clearly, felt all of it---Seongje's hand that ran against his side, up his waist, across his chest ; his crotch that was rubbing up against him, pressing firmly against his, sending a shockwave threw his body whenever he rolled his hips forward ; the tongue that he willingly let suck his mouth dry, pushing deep into his throat.
But that word managed to creep passed his mind again, invade his thoughts entirely.
And that's when the question hit him, hit him hard like a bullet shredding through his chest.
Was this love? Could it even be classified as it?
At the moment, atleast, it was nothing more than repetitive sexual contact, just random meet ups that gradually turn into something more dangerous, towards the end.
But apart from that, he could think of times where Seongje has done something else, something that didn't involve him being nothing but a derranged horny teenager.
Today especially, he seemed different.
He seemed more caring in a way, more sensitive towards him.
Fact, he even asked if he was doing okay, like he actually 'cared' about him. Not only that, but he did something that Sieun never would've thought he had the capacity to even say. He apologized? To him, directly beside him. And surprisingly, it actually sounded sincere ; atleast to Sieun, it did.
All aside, though, he couldnt stop thinking about the fact that literally atleast a week ago, he was fighting him. He had a grudge for him, always did ever since he threw punches at him when he first saw him in the bathroom. He recalled how, he, beat up his friends---how he left Juntae and Gotak crumpled against the floor, on the rooftop.
And now here he was.
Weeks later, sleeping beside the same guy---the same guy who teased him countlessly, who punched him atleast ten times.
That alone, made his mind hurt.
It was so confusing, so complex, he didn't even know where to begin.
But after atleast a few minutes of nothing but thinking, nothing but reflecting over and over, he shifted a bit from remaining still for so long.
His body was starting to feel slightly hot, so in response, he pulled the blanket off of him a bit, just enough to let the breeze coming from the window hit his body in the right spot.
Now comfortable, he closed his eyes again, hoping to atleast push some of his reocurring thoughts towards the back of his head.
But that same word kept coming back into his mind, flooding it entirely.
▪︎
One of the first things that passed through his head when he thought of the word, was "looks." Usually---or atleast what he's seen from some late night shows that've played on TV before---love starts off with how you perceive a person, how you see them. "Love at first sight," pretty much sums it up.
So just as always, his mind drifted towards, him, again.
Based on his looks, he wouldnt even hesitate to classify him as 'hot.' He had a nice body, was tall enough so that it matched him perfectly---his hair was nice, and even apart from the 'nerdy' aspect, his glasses actually looked good on him, surprisingly.
And for some reason, his stomach did it again---that same feeling when your about to reach the climax of a roller coaster, when your stomach feels like it's being twisted.
He felt that when he thought of him, underneath the clothes,
When he remembered the first time he ripped his clothes off, infront of him---how he just watched in awe, laying against his bed, as Seongje pulled his pants off, as he threw his shirt to the side, climbing ontop of him, bare.
And god, he felt so guilty for even thinking about something like this.
It felt like it was a crime, like he'd get caught any second if he didn't stop,
If he didn't stop continuesly thinking about him every single second.
And just as he was thinking about 'getting caught,' he felt Seongje shift against the bed, beside him, feeling almost as if he moved closer, but he didn't want to assume anything---immediately reminding him that he was there, right beside him, behind him.
The way his body reacted made him freeze.
It was literally just a slight movement, nothing more than a small shift beside him, and yet, his body made him feel as if it were much more than that, as he felt his stomach sink. It was like he was about to get caught amongst a robbery, about to get sent to jail any second if he didn't stop.
And that's probably the reason why he felt so scared---why he felt like he could break any second.
For one, he's never actually thought of someone, at least like this, before.
Never in his life has he thought about the things that someone has did to him, sexually---the way they touched him, what they made him feel. Much less has he thought about someone's looks---how they looked beneath their clothes.
So that was the best excuse he could get, for why he was reacting like this.
Completely lost in his thoughts, he was immediately brought back to reality when he felt Seongje shift against the bed, again.
▪︎
He couldn't tell whether or not he was going crazy, but it felt like he was moving, closer, towards him---gradually inching his way closer, in a subtle way, though.
And he couldn't even see him either, since his back was facing him, which only made it worse. So instead of continuesly thinking about him over and over, his mind focused on the fact that he was behind him, in his appartment, on his bed, next to him.
He closed his eyes tightly as he tried his best to relax, to at least shut his mind off, but any attempt to do so, did nothing.
Hoping not to attract his attention, hoping that he, wouldn't notice, he adjusted himself slightly as he shifted against the bed, trying to find a comfortable position that could atleast help him fall asleep. He turned a little bit more over on his side, his face still turned against the pillow, his gaze hitting the wall in front him.
But of course, Seongje must've noticed, as he felt him shift again, beside him, more noticeable this time.
There was no doubt that he was close, now.
He could feel the weight against the mattress behind him, seeming as if there was ghost watching him, lurking behind him, waiting for something.
And god, he swore his whole body shook in shock, when he heard his voice, directly behind him---seemingly close.
Especially after feeling guilty for thinking those things about him, just hearing his voice, just knowing that he was right next to him, made his stomach sink.
" can't sleep? " Seongje muttered beside him, his voice barely a whisper, piercing through the silence that hung over the room.
It was so embarrassing, too. The way he reacted to just a few words being said---the way he immediately froze, his eyes opening wide, his body tensing.
And now? The fact that he was awake, too? He thought he might've fallen asleep by now, especially due to how quiet he seemed just a few minutes ago. But turns out, it was the exact opposite---he seemed to be wide awake, almost as if he were waiting for something ; waiting to 'bug' Sieun.
Letting out an exhale, he gathered the strength to say something, despite how guilty he felt from literally just thinking about him.
" yeah, you're too close, " he said over his shoulder, the words coming out as nothing more but a mutter underneath his breath.
That was true, though. He definitely was too close, close enough to burst his personal space,
Close enough to make it hard focus, to make it difficult to actually fall asleep, to make it impossible to stop thinking about, him.
And in response, all he heard was a faint laugh ; one of those quiet laughs he does underneath his breath.
But even after what he had just said, to Seongje, it didn't even seem to matter. It was like he didn't even process a thing that he said, and always just ended up doing the exact opposite, which was annoying, at some points. But what he was about to do---it wasn't exactly 'annoying,' for the most part.
His body jerked in shock when he felt Seongje's body push against his---against his side, against his back, behind him.
Now, he was close ; that wasn't even a question. His entire body was pressed against his back, his heat immediately hitting Sieun like an explosion.
And that wasn't the only thing he felt against him. Literally seconds after feeling Seongje press his body against him, he felt his hand slide slowly onto his waist, slipping underneath the hem of his shirt.
That alone, made him gasp inaudibly---made his breath still, made eyes widen.
" wh-- what are you, " he tried to protest, but the words ended up coming out as nothing but a breath.
And he could feel Seongje's hand trailing lower,
Sliding along his skin, slowly rolling down his waist, towards his crotch.
Sieun froze when he heard his voice directly behind him ; right against the side of his face, the warmth of his breath hitting his skin like a heat wave.
" relax, " Seongje muttered directly beside his face, his voice low and hoarse.
He felt him shift again, his body pressed so tightly against his that he literally shuddered, whenever he felt him move, by the slightest.
" i'm helping, " Seongje purred into his ear, his lips brushing against it, barely a whisper.
Two words.
Literally only two words, and he felt himself sink ; felt his stomach twist, felt something in his lower body.
He shut his eyes tightly, noteably letting out audible exhales, when he felt Seongje's hand slide lower, underneath the waistband of his sweatpants, brushing against his warm skin.
Processing what Seongje had said, he wasnt entirely wrong, though. He couldn't remember exactly where he had read it, or why he would even read it, but he vaguely recalled how sexual contact, specifically masturbation, could actually increase your chances of sleep---it releases a certain hormone that triggers relaxation throughout your entire body.
So, in a way, he was helping, despite how intrusive it felt.
When he felt his hand brush past the strap of his boxers, he closed his eyes tightly. For some reason, he was moving so, slowly? As if he were teasing him, getting high off of each and every reaction that Sieun gave him.
Until finally, his hand finally reached him, slowly wrapping around it.
He felt Seongje tighten his grip around him, firmly, making him let out an audible gasp, as his hand remained still.
" mh, you're still hard, " Seongje muttered against the skin along his neck, his lips brushed against him.
He shuddered by the slightest when he felt his hand begin to move, slowly tugging against him, stroking him up and down.
And there was no denying that it felt good, as he rested his head down against the pillow below him, closing his eyes.
Four days of nothing---nothing but silence, not even seeing, him, once, not even hearing his voice, for almost a week. And now this? Each subtle movement sent a shiver down his spine---each breath that hit his skin, each movement against him.
But surprisingly, Seongje's movements were actually, slow.
Not rough, not hard. Not even fast? But slow---slow enough so that each time he ran his hand along him, he made his breath hitch, hitting the right place.
And when he heard his voice again, his entire upper body shuddered slightly, luckily barely enough for Seongje to notice, as he was too busy drinking at the sight of Sieun.
" were you thinking about me, hm? " Seongje muttered directly against his neck, making Sieun shudder when he felt the vibrations hit his body.
Surprisingly, he actually was.
He was thinking about him, basically for the entirety of his time there, literally minutes on end. But his mind was too blurry to even process what Seongje was saying. The feeling was what made his head go hazy, what made his body grow weak.
" thinking about how good i make you feel, when i touch you like this, " Seongje muttered into his ear, his voice low, barely a whisper.
His breathes were ragged, now, each one coming out as a shaky, quiet exhale.
But the way, he, was right next to him---pressing tightly against his back, muttering words right against his sensitive skin---made him feel as if he were about to break any second.
So despite how foggy his mind felt, he managed to get two singular words out.
" stop talking, " he muttered underneath his breath, in between ragged exhales, the words barely escaping his mouth.
But he didn't even listen.
Didn't even take a second to let Sieun's words get to him.
" but you like it, " Seongje muttered beside Sieun's face, his lips barely grazing against the skin along his cheek.
His body felt like it was boiling, from the inside, all over. It didn't help that a blanket was covering him too, resting just above his chest, trapping all the heat inside like a sauna. And Seongje, literally right beside him, only worsened the feeling, as he could feel the warmth of his body radiating directly against his back.
And he just kept talking, ignoring a thing that he had said.
" don't think i don't notice, " he continued, his breath hitting Sieun's bare skin like a blazing ray of heat.
He shifted again, making Sieun gasp audibly when he felt him bite down, softly, on his ear.
" it turns you on doesn't it, makes you hard, " he purred into Sieun's ear, his voice becoming more and more dangerous, nothing but a whisper.
Sieun literally shuddered, his legs twitching, when he felt his grip tighten more higher up, his thumb pressing down firmly against his tip, rubbing in circular motions.
That managed to drag a noise out of Sieun's throat---a ragged moan, at least. He was trying his best to keep quiet, to try and conceal anything that tried to leave him, but that turned out to be, difficult.
" yeah, let me hear you, " Seongje whispered onto Sieun's neck, his lips barely brushing up against his skin.
He let out a faint gasp when he felt Seongje's lips press down against his skin, leaving a warm mark.
All along the side of his neck, he was pressing his warm lips down, softly, sucking for at least a second or two, and then repeating, all over.
But that's what made it seem weird.
How it was, soft? Gentle almost. Usually, he would be doing something along the lines of sucking down hard, maybe even biting. But leaving soft 'kisses' along his neck, against his skin? Sieun was too occupied to even care, but if he were being honest, he definitely liked that, better than biting atleast.
As Seongje continued leaving marks all across his neck, trailing down towards his shoulder, his movements never sped up. They kept a pace, each one calculated enough so that it kept the same speed.
But Sieun, who was so used to how rough he was---who was used to the fact that his movements were usually fast, were usually hard enough to make him come in the matter of minutes---couldn't help himself.
As his head leaned hard against the pillow, practically sinking into it, he tried to be as subtle as possible when he started slowly, moving his waist back and forth, matching his movements, trying to catch the rhythm --- to enhance the feeling. He kept his eyes closed at the feeling, too, his breath turning into nothing but ragged exhales. And just those few movements---just the slight push and pull of his waist, made it feel so much different.
Literally only a few seconds after he started moving, maybe even half a minute, did Seongje notice. It was sort of obvious, though, that he would notice something like that ; especially with their bodies pressed so tightly together.
So in response, he felt Seongje's hold on him release, as his hand grabbed Sieun's waist tightly, and tugged him backwards.
He gasped inaudibly at the unexpected action,
The feeling of being untouched, of being pulled back, all of a sudden.
He felt Seongje wrap his hand along his waistband, as he slowly pulled Sieun's pants down, far enough so that they rested just below his crotch.
" stop being so desperate, your gonna drive me fucking insane, " he muttered near the side of Sieun's face, the warmth of his breath hitting him hard.
He could feel Seongje's hand tighten against his waist, holding him down as if he were grounding him, keeping him from moving. And there was no doubt, which area Sieun's lower body was pressing against.
His breath got caught in his throat when he felt something press against lower body, against the thin fabric that was covering his bare skin.
" feel that? guess you already did, " Seongje whispered against the side of his face, mockingly, his voice low and hoarse, a smile lined across his face.
He closed his eyes when he felt Seongje's hand slowly wrap around him again, making his lower body shudder when he felt his hand begin to move, up and down. Totally forgetting that his lower body was pressed tightly against Seongje's crotch, he heard him let out a faint grunt at the action, against his neck.
And just as before, his movements were slow, tugging at him whenever he ran his hand forward.
Although it felt good, as if each movement would make him collapse to the floor---it just wasn't enough, though.
Despite his head feeling hazy from the feeling, he could definitely tell that he wasn't getting anywhere. His climax didn't even seem near, not even close. And Seongje's steady movements didn't help, at all, as each one was going at the same exact pace, each time.
But he just decided to push it aside, to hope that soon enough, he, would notice and atleast 'try' to do something.
▪︎
He laid still, his body trembling by the slightest as Seongje continued stroking him, back and forth, occasionally spreading his leaking precum across his fingers every minute, or so.
His breathes were still ragged, but he tried to keep quiet as possible---each exhale coming out as a shaky breath.
And Seongje, who was pressed tightly against his back, was making his mind go blurry each second.
He could feel his lips just barely brushing up against the skin along his neck. Everytime he exhaled, everytime he grunted, moaned---Sieun could feel it, could feel the heat of it, right against his skin, making him shiver everytime he did so.
But that wasn't even the start.
Given how close they were, given that his lower body was literally pressed tightly against his crotch, he could obviously feel any movement that came from him. So as he continued stroking him, slowly running his hand against him, he could just barely, feel Seongje pushing his hips back and forth, practically grinding himself lazily against Sieun's lower body, letting out quiet groans.
And he was just completely lost in the feeling, each and every movement making his body twitch, each suddden touch feeling so good, so intoxicating.
As he continued breathing restlessly, his head resting against the pillow below him,
He slowly opened his eyes when he felt Seongje release his grip against him, feeling him pull his hand back slowly, slipping past the blanket that covered them.
He let out an audible exhale at his sudden action, the fact that he just randomly, stopped, after so long. That alone, made his body ache---made him feel as if he wouldn't survive, if he didn't continue.
Sieun's breath stilled when he heard his voice again.
" touch yourself, " Seongje muttered against side of his face, his lips barely grazing over his skin.
And his voice, it sounded so---it was like as time passed, as seconds flew by, his voice grew more and more dangerous. Until the point where it wasn't even full sentences anymore, just mere words being whispered, against him.
Those two words, too, seemed so random. Why would he, all of a sudden, just stop and urge, him, to do that? He just didn't understand it---didn't understand him.
" wh-- why- " he tried to say,
But the words ended up barely slipping out of his mouth, coming out as nothing more of a shaky breath.
He felt Seongje shift.
" do it, " Seongje muttered directly into his ear, his voice hoarse, filled with nothing but desire.
But at this point, there wasnt really any point of questioning it. He couldnt hold back, given how badly his body ached, how desperate he was for more.
So, he slowly slipped his hand underneath the blanket, slid it under his boxers, and started stroking himself, just at the right pace so that his eyes closed shut---so that he immediately shuddered when the feeling exploded inside of him, flooding through his entire lower body.
And before he could even take a second to take in the feeling, Seongje interupted him, his breathes still hitting his skin like a heatwave.
" slow, sieun " he muttered beside him, his breath catching the side of his face.
How could he even tell how fast he was moving?
He could be going slow, maybe even going fast, and he, wouldnt even be able to tell due to the fact that he couldnt see him---couldnt see under the blanket, and either way, he was too focused on Sieun's face to even bother. And Sieun wasnt even going that fast too, atleast compared to Seongje's past movements---his strokes were definitely faster than what Seongje was giving him a few seconds ago, though.
But all aside, he just complied, as he slowed himself down, just enough so that it still felt good enough to make his breath hitch.
And as he continued, he felt Seongje shift suddenly, more than before,
His body that was pressing firmly against Sieun's back seemed to pull back, immediately rushing a wind of cool air against him.
He heard a faint noise behind him---the kind of 'thud' noise you hear when someone places something down against wood. And after a few seconds of shuffling against the bed, he felt him turn back over, tugging him back slightly so that their bodies were touching, again.
It seemed like he could almost hear the faint sound of, clicking? Like the taps that you hear against a phone screen, right behind him.
But turns out he wasnt going crazy,
As he saw in the corner of his eye, Seongje lower his phone just enough so that the bottom of it---the part where the speaker is located---was resting just above his ear.
He shook slightly, his breath getting caught in his throat, when he heard an audio start playing.
It was a voice --- very faint, very quiet, but noticeable. And it was coming out as nothing but mumbles, quiet muffled words that Sieun couldnt even understand.
But Seongje must've turned the volume up, because after a few seconds, he was able to clearly hear the words coming through the phone, just right above his ear :
| ' please-- p - please . . '
He heard that come directly from the voice within the phone. Whoever it was, it sounded like they were pleading, maybe even pleading for their life based off of whimpering noises picking up in the background.
What was he even watching---or even listening to. He couldn't even see the phone screen either, which made it hard to figure out what he randomly started playing in his ear. Given that it was Seongje playing the audio, though, he just assumed it might be some porno he had saved on his phone. But that would just be, weird. His mind was spiralling, as he continued moving his hand, slower due to how occupied he was.
Confusion sweeping over him, he tried to turn his head slightly enough so that he could face Seongje.
" wh, what are-- " he began, underneath his breath, turning his head slightly.
But before he could even try to turn his head an inch, he immediately grunted when he felt Seongje push his hand down against his neck, shoving his face back downwards, forcing him to turn back to how he was before.
His grip tightened around his neck, making Sieun tense.
" listen, " Seongje muttered beside him, his voice hoarse, and his face seemingly close to Sieun's.
His heart dropped when he heard something else come from the audio, from the phone playing directly into his ear :
| ' p - please . . please seongje, just-- '
And it didn't even take him a second to realize who the person in the audio was, the video.
Whoever it was, said his name, his name directly, and he knows for a fact that there has only been one person who has actually said something like that to him ; atleast from what he knew. It didn't exactly ocurr to him at first, but after he heard those words, he noticed that the person in this audio definitely, in a way, sounded like him. And not only that, but he could hear the noises that must've been coming out of him---the desperate moans, the shaky whimpers, the heavy breathes.
And it just kept going, his voice, coming through clear out of the phone hovering above him :
| ' ple -- please-- faster, '
His breath stilled when he heard those words.
Was this really, him? And worse, where did this even come from. Was it a video, an audio recording? Did he, take a video, an entire video, of everything that happened last night? His mind was racing, trying to comprehend going what was going on---trying to focus on the feeling, yet figure out what exactly, he was hearing.
" hear that? " Seongje said quietly, his voice low, hoarse just against the side of his face.
The audio kept playing, the sound of faint moans in the background :
| ' go faster-- p-- please seongje '
And he just closed his eyes tightly, not even knowing what to make of the situation he was in. He just kept going, though, kept running his hand along himself, despite how, weird, it felt---how weird it felt knowing that he was doing this, to this. To this audio of him, this audio of him moaning, pleading.
" that's you, begging for it, " Seongje continued, his voice right beside Sieun's face, toned with desire.
At this point, there wasn't even anymore dialogue coming from the audio---it was just lewd sounds, something that sounded like it came right out of a porno.
" moaning my name like a fucking slut, " Seongje muttered beside him, his voice becoming more and more hoarse as seconds passed.
And after what seemed like forever---after listening to that audio, listening to himself for so long, the audio finally stopped.
Sieun let out a shaky exhale, still trying to grasp the gravity of the situation. He could feel his lower body starting to ache, starting to tremble as he grew more and more desperate---desperate to go faster, to release all the built up tension, already.
But before he could even try and continue, his movements came to a halt when he saw Seongje position the phone directly in front of his face, his arm resting against the side of his chest. He felt him shift a bit, too, feeling as if his head was just right beside his.
The screen was dim, but it was bright enough to make Sieun squint at the sight, letting his eyes rest for a moment in order to take in what Seongje was suddenly trying to show him.
This time, instead of just an audio, it was a video,
A video playing right infront of him, the screen illuminating his face.
And when he finally focused on the screen, when his eyes finally had a clear image, his body immediately froze, his breath getting caught in his throat.
" see that, " he heard Seongje mutter against the skin along the side of his face, his lips brushing against it.
Without even questioning it, he immediately knew that it was him, in the video. And god, what he was doing --- it sent a shiver down his spine, made goosebumps attack his entire body, all over :
He was on a bed, likely Seongje's given the similar looks it had. And he was kneeling, directly on his knees, against the mattress below him. He was looking upwards, eyes locked on the unknown individual in the video, which without a doubt, he already knew was. And the other things? He didn't even want to look at it---the way his mouth was hanging open like he was waiting for something ; the way he was just willingly stroking him, fast, without hesitation ; the way his tongue was grazing against the bottom of his---
Was this, really him?
His eyes fluttered away from the screen, trying to refrain from looking, but the screen was right in front of him, practically blinding him.
" see how desperate you were, how fucking wasted you were -- that you let me cum all over you, " Seongje continued, his mouth dangerously close to Sieun's face.
And at this point, his body was boiling.
Each second he seemed to grow hotter, sweat starting to drip down his legs, as the blanket continued trapping all of the heat inside. And how Seongje kept talking---how the heat of his breath kept hitting him, over and over, only made it worse.
His breathes were still ragged, his eyes fluttering opened and closed as he exhaled heavily, not even touching himself, anymore.
" and you swallowed it sieun, you fucking wanted it, " he muttered against him, his lips brushing alongside Sieun's face, his voice growing more vicious.
His body was trembling, slightly due to shock, and also due to the fact that he left himself, untouched, his body aching each second, demanding more.
Seongje said one last thing before the air around them shifted.
" swallowed it down the second i told you to, " he muttered against his ear, his voice barely a whisper, immediately making Sieun shudder by the slightest.
And after atleast minute of holding his phone directly infront of his face, of practically blinding him, Seongje finally pulled his arm back, as his chest that was pressing hard against Sieun, turned to the side.
Sieun closed his eyes, exhaling shakily, when he felt that same cold wind hit his body, again. After literally suffocating from heat for atleast a few minutes straight, feeling the breeze felt undeniably good. His body felt like it was boiling from the inside, so this alone sent a wave of relief through his entire body. And he didn't even know what to make of the situation, either---he was too shocked to even question it. Usually, he would be overly annoyed at him, on the verge of boiling over from confusion. But his mind was too hazy to even bother taking a minute to reflect.
Just as he was closing his eyes, trying to recover from everything that had just happened, his eyes immediately reopened when he felt Seongje move, behind him.
After being turned away for so long, laying on his side for atleast an hour, he shuddered when he felt Seongje's hand grab his side, slowly pushing him down, urging him to turn his body over.
He was now laying on his back, his chest rising back and forth, his head resting on the pillow below him. And due to how dark the room around him seemed, he could barely even make out Seongje, only the faint ray of moonlight illuminating the side of his face. He didn't seem to be directly above him, either, but instead beside him, holding himself steady with his arm against the mattress as his eyes locked with Sieun's, below him.
And Sieun just stared up at him, his breathes still ragged, completely lost in his eyes---the eyes that were looking down at him, glaring through him, seemingly absorbing every detail in hunger.
Too focused to barely notice, his eyes shifted slightly when he caught Seongje's mouth move by the slightest ; a faint grin lined across his face.
He already knew what was going to come next. He's been with him, so many times, seen him countless times, that it wasn't even a question. So as Sieun focused on him, he barely caught Seongje's lips part, his mouth open, to say something---probably another one of his mocking comments.
And he had no idea what had swept through him, when he did it. He didn't even give it a second thought, too---didn't even take a minute to think it over. But all he knew, though, was that he wanted him to stop 'teasing' him, to stop messing with him, to stop wasting time talking and.
Without any hesitation, and in the matter of a few seconds,
He hastily reached his arm out, wrapped his hand around the back of Seongje's neck, and pulled him downwards, almost making him stumble based off how his body jerked back at the unexpected action.
Anything that was about to come out of his mouth was immediately swallowed, as their faces clashed. And Sieun, seconds after his lips pressed against his, kissed him without a thought. Usually it was the other way around, too---Seongje having the upper hand, always dragging him forward, always pulling him closer. But in this case, it was the opposite, the exact opposite. Not only that, but this was probably one of the only times---maybe even the first time---that he willingly kissed him ; that he tugged him forward without a question.
Hand tightening around the back of his neck, Sieun pulled him close as he pressed his lips against his, firmly, kissing him slowly---slow enough so that it didn't feel like he was suffocating ; so that he wasn't about to pass out from oxygen loss.
And surprisingly, Seongje didn't even try to go fast, to go rough. It was almost like he was keeping his lips still, letting him, do all the work, as he drank at the sight of him.
For Sieun, though, him doing something like this made his body react in the matter of seconds. It felt like a wave of butterflies hitting him hard, crashing against him, inside of him. His body seemed to loosen, and his heart seemed to be pounding hard, against his chest.
But after just a few seconds of nothing but feeling each other, nothing but lips pressing against one other, Seongje slowly pulled back, his head resting just above Sieun's face, foreheads barely touching.
They were both breathing heavily---Sieun trying to catch his breath from all that had just happened, and Seongje completely dumbfounded, mesmerized by him.
He looked wearily up at Seongje, whose face was seemingly close. He caught his mouth open slightly, exhaling a faint laugh.
" woah, that was h-- " Seongje began with a faint smile lined across his face, his voice nothing but a mutter underneath his breath,
Until Sieun stopped him from even finishing his sentence.
With his hand still wrapped around his neck, he pulled him downwards slightly so that his lips were brushing up against his.
" stop, " Sieun muttered underneath his breath, his lips pressed against Seongje's,
His voice turning into something more desperate, more pleading.
But he knew that wouldn't be enough.
Each of his breathes were coming out as shaky exhales, his body trembling by the slightest, as he kept his eyes locked on Seongje.
And he didn't know what was going on with him ; he couldn't even describe the feeling. He could feel his face burning up, growing hotter each second ; same with his body. And his mind? All he could think about was him, right infront of him, literally face to face with him.
When he reached his hand out, the other still tight around Seongje's neck, he didnt even take a second to think about what he was doing---it was almost like, an instinct, something that just happened without hesitation.
So just as Seongje was about to say something, as his mouth was about to open to get a word out,
His whole body jerked slightly when Sieun placed his hand on his crotch, against the fabric of his pants, tightening his grip firmly against him. Seongje immediately groaned underneath his breath, pulling his face back just a bit, in response.
And there was no denying what he, was asking for ; his eyes said it all, said it clearly---atleast he thought they did. He was looking up at Seongje, his lips parted, his breathes ragged, yet soft.
However, he furrowed his brows when he felt Seongje shift, his head leaning downwards as his lips brushed up against the side of Sieun's face.
He immediately shuddered when he felt the heat against his skin, again.
" hm? you asking for something? " he muttered softly against Sieun, his voice low and hoarse.
Turns out he wasnt being so obvious, as Seongje was oblivious to what he was getting at. But if he were going to be honest, he didn't really know what he was doing, either. It was like his body was controlling him, rather than his mind, in a way---telling him what to do, urging him to do, this.
He let out shaky exhale, slightly filled with frustration. What was he trying to say? He couldn't even understand what he was doing, what he was hinting at.
With Seongje's head still positioned beside his, he managed to gather two words---two, direct words, that didn't even sound like it was coming from him :
" kiss me, . "
The words just slipped out of his mouth, barely even coming out as a breath ; nothing more than a shaky whisper in between his ragged exhales.
But given that his mouth was directly below Seongje's ear, that the side of his face was practically brushing up against his, there was no question to whether or not he had heard him ; had heard those words come out of him.
Only seconds after he had said those words, did Seongje shift,
He slowly pulled himself back, still leaning above Sieun as he held himself steady against the mattress, his face directly above his.
Sieun just looked up at him, his eyes never leaving his, waiting---waiting for him to do something, to hurry up. But Seongje, who was just staring down at him, eyes narrowed, looked as if he were in a trance. It was like he was processing what Sieun had said ; what he had heard come directly out of his mouth.
It would make sense, though.
Last night, he was as drunk as you could get, saying things that didn't even seem like something he'd say, in the first place. But that was reasonable, given how wasted he was. Now, though, he was perfectly fine---in his right mind, not a drop of alcohol in his veins. Maybe he was a bit off due to the fact that he hasn't seen, hasn't heard or felt Seongje in so long, but that was it. So hearing these words come from him---hearing him decide to say those words, to even think about saying them, made Seongje still ; made him feel something in his lower body.
So after a few seconds of exchanging looks, of nothing but Sieun looking up at him, waiting, and Seongje looking down at him with hunger,
Seongje finally leaned down, hastily slid one of his hands onto the back of his neck, and pressed his lips against his.
And immediately as their mouths clashed, Sieun felt his body jolt in shock, his chest rapidly rising up and down. He atleast expected him to be somewhat along the lines of gentle, maybe even soft---but none of that even passed by his mind when he began restlessly kissing Sieun.
To him, it felt like he was suffocating, and the fact that Seongje's grip against the back of his neck tightened each second, didn't help.
He had to admit, though, it felt good---the way his lips pressed firmly, harshly against his, the way his warm tongue pushed inside, swallowing every single breath that tried to leave him.
But it was just too much, too fast for him to even keep up. He couldn't even understand how Seongje could keep going like this.
So in response, he pulled back slightly, tipping his head down a bit so that their lips were grazing against one another, panting heavily.
" slower, . " he said under his breath against Seongje's lips, in between ragged exhales.
Seongje seemed to freeze for a few seconds, still mesmerized, still dumbfounded that these words words were even coming out of him.
" i can't-- " Sieun began, his voice crumbling into nothing but a shaky breath.
But before he could even continue---although he probably wouldn't, anyway---Seongje leaned forward as he firmly pressed his lips against his, making Sieun gasp in his mouth.
And surprisingly, he actually listened, actually listened to Sieun's words.
Now, he was going slower---slower than before atleast. But his movements were still rough, still hard as he devoured his mouth. And unlike before, though, Sieun immediately melted into it, felt his whole body shudder in response.
His grip around the back of Seongje's neck tightened as he pulled him closer, completely lost in the feeling.
But what made it different, what made it seem so surreal, was that fact that he Sieun kissed back,
He didn't keep his mouth still, didn't stop his lips from catching the rhythm. He actually pulled Seongje closer, tugging him forward, demanding more.
He almost forgot that his other hand was still gripped firmly against Seongje's crotch, when he felt Seongje push his hand against his---his mind was too blurry to even notice. Almost immediately, he began pressing Sieun's hand up and down, back and forth against the thick fabric of his pants.
Only after a few pushes, did he notice.
And without a second thought, he immediately began moving his hand against him, pressing firmly against him, as they continued.
That immediately made Seongje grunt inside of his mouth, as his hand that was previously holding Sieun's lost it's grip, and fell down against the mattress. He was now noticeably moaning inside of Sieun's mouth, too, as he held him tightly, kept him close, each noise that escaped him coming out muffled.
After atleast a minute of nothing but mouths devouring one another, Seongje suddenly pulled back, making Sieun gasp at the sudden action. They were both panting heavily, but Seongje was more noticeably, louder---he was practically groaning, grunting almost, in between heavy breathes.
He shuddered, when he felt Seongje's head fall down beside him, resting against the mattress, just beside the side of his face. The heat from his breathes immediately hit his face like a gush of fire, making his breath hitch when he heard his voice, again.
" faster, -- don't stop, " Seongje muttered beside him, barely coming out of his mouth due to how heavy his breathes were.
He couldn't understand why he kept feeling this, why his body kept doing this to him, but he felt stomach sink as soon as he heard those words.
Exhaling shakily, he immediately complied without a thought, as he began moving his hand more firmly against him, speeding up his rhythm. That alone, must've made him see stars, as he could feel Seongje's body start shuddering, seeming as if he could collapse to the mattress at any second.
And not only that, but he could hear him, feel the heat of his breathes directly beside him---he could hear the faint moans coming directly out of his mouth, the ragged grunts over his heavy breathes. He could even feel his hand trembling, shaking by the slightest as his grip still held the back of Sieun's neck, tightly.
Each second, his noises seemed to grow gradually louder, practically piercing his ears due to how close he was. Sieun kept his eyes locked on his Seongje's side, fluttering opened and closed, his breathes coming out as ragged exhales. Just as before, too, he felt like he was overheating, as his body grew more and more hot each second. He kept moving his hand, too, as he felt Seongje pushing his waisting back and forth against it, slightly.
And after just a few more movements, a few more push and pulls of his hand, Seongje must've hit his climax ;
Judging from his noises, atleast.
Sieun lowered his hand back down against the mattress, letting out heavy exhales as his eyes fluttered around the room, his head still feeling foggy from everything---as Seongje, right beside him, fell down to the bed against his back as he recovered.
He turned his head a bit to the side so that he could see Seongje slightly, who was now on his back, his chest heaving back and forth as he let out heavy breathes.
" shit, . " Seongje muttered beside him,
Coming out as nothing but a breath in between his heavy exhales.
▪︎
They laid there, in silence, for atleast a minute, maybe even a few seconds at most.
The rain seemed to never stop, too, as the sound of water hitting the window and the pavement outside kept the room from going completely silent.
Just as Sieun was looking over at Seongje, as he was watching him, not knowing what else to do, he caught him in the corner of his eye as he saw him turn over on his side, and push himself up enough so that he was leaning above Sieun, again.
Their eyes locked as Seongje stared down at him, his eyes seemingly filled with hunger, narrowed down at Sieun. He watched as he caught Seongje eyeing him up and down, as if he were examining every inch of him.
Too lost to even notice, he shuddered when he felt Seongje's hand against his jaw, tilting his face slightly upwards. Seongje let out faint laugh in response, under his breath.
He watched in awe as Seongje leaned down, seemingly close---close enough so that his lips were brushing against his.
And when Sieun heard his voice---when he heard his voice right up against his lips, directly infront of him---his breath got caught in his throat, his body stilling.
" i'll make you feel good, " whispering the words directly against his lips, his voice toned with desire.
After those few words, Seongje pulled back, practically vanishing into the darkness due to how pitch black the room seemed. Sieun couldn't even make out where he was, as he squinted his eyes, leaning his head back down against the pillow.
His mind felt so fuzzy, too,
It was definitely late, that wasn't even a question, as his eyes gradually started to feel heavier as seconds passed. His intention of falling asleep early seemed to be completely off the table, too, because here he was, laying flat against a bed, his mind completely blank.
Despite him being slightly tired, though, he immediately came back to his senses when he felt Seongje shift against the bed, seeming as if he were moving, downwards.
He knew his head was definitely not functioning correctly given how late it was, so he couldn't exactly tell whether or not he was going crazy, as he swore he could've seen Seongje go underneath the blanket, throwing it over his body. The weight against the mattress shifted, too, as he could feel the weight more towards the end of the bed, directly below him.
In the matter of seconds, he immediately jolted back against the mattress when he felt, him, run his hand along his crotch, brushing past the fabric of his boxers as he slowly hooked his fingers against the waistband.
Turns out, he wasnt going crazy after all, as he now knew for sure that, he, was under the blanket, and somehow, suddenly below him.
He closed his eyes tightly when felt Seongje slowly pull his boxers back, immediately making Sieun twitch when he felt the warmth of his breath hit his lower body. The anticipation was killing him, stabbing him hard in the chest---the fact he couldnt even see him, either, made it worse.
But after a few seconds of waiting, of his mind clouding up with desperation,
His whole body instantly shuddered, when he felt Seongje's tongue brush up against him, slowly dragging it up along his length, stopping when he hit the top.
The feeling hit him hard, exploding inside of him, throughout his entire body---the warmth of his tongue, the softness of it. Just one slow movement, one slow move of his tongue, and Sieun immediately reacted like it was something he hadn't felt in years, in decades.
His entire lower body twitched when he felt Seongje's breath hit him again, as he heard him let out a faint laugh, below him
" so fucking sensitive, . " Seongje muttered to himself in between a laugh, just barely loud enough for Sieun to hear.
But that wasn't even the start, not even close to what he was going to feel in the next few minutes.
Sieun's vision went completely blurry, for a few seconds atleast, when he felt Seongje press his mouth down against the head of him, when he felt his warm lips brush against him, sucking softly. Not only that, but he could feel him flicking his tongue back and forth against him, running it in circular motions.
That alone, dragged a noise out of Sieun, as he immediately titled his head back at the feeling, letting out a ragged moan, followed by heavy breathes.
He closed his eyes tightly, as he reached his arm behind him to grip the pillow beneath his head, his entire body twitching whenever he felt Seongje's tongue against him.
And surprisingly, his movements were actually somewhat, slow ; not rough, atleast. Last time they were here---when Sieun was laying on this same bed---Seongje didn't even take a second to let him breath when he immediately shoved his mouth inside of him. All aside, though, he was too occupied to even think at the moment, to even let a thought pass by him, as his mind was completely clouded with pleasure.
His lower body shuddered suddenly when he felt Seongje pull back slightly---just enough so that his mouth was still pressed against him---and began running his tongue along him, trailing down, and dragging it back up, slowly. And he just kept a pace, kept dragging his tongue along Sieun's length, each breath hitting him like a heatwave.
But that was all Sieun needed to make him feel like he was in heaven, as he turned his head to the side, breathing restlessly, chest rising back and forth.
Aside from his mind feeling foggy, though, he could feel himself gradually getting closer, the tension starting to build up heavily in his lower body, each and every second ; each time that he felt Seongje against him , that he ran his wet tongue along him.
And it was almost as if Seongje had sensed it, when he shifted.
Wrapping his hand tight against him, he immediately pushed his mouth down, atleast halfway, and began moving his head back and forth slowly, immediately dragging a loud noise out of Sieun's throat.
His grip on the pillow behind him tightened, his head tilting to the side, as he continued panting heavily, letting out faint moans everytime Seongje moved his mouth. There was no denying that it felt good, each sudden movement making his body twitch by the slightest.
Despite how good it felt, though, his body wanted more,
He needed more, needed more to make him release the tension boiling inside of him.
So as Seongje continued moving, continued pushing his head back and forth, Sieun---without any hesitation whatsoever---slipped his hand under the blanket, and onto Seongje's head, gripping his hair tightly.
Almost immediately, he managed to gather the strength to push Seongje's head down slightly, slightly more that it made Sieun's body jerk in pleasure, as a result. Seongje grunted in response, and literally only seconds after Sieun pushed his head down, Seongje pulled back, making Sieun's hand fall down beside him.
A frustrated exhale escaped his throat, his body aching at the feeling of being left untouched, after everything---the fact that he just stopped, all of a sudden. He immediately gasped when his eyes caught Seongje flip the blanket over, pulling it off to the side, rushing a cool breeze against his entire body.
He titled his head forward a bit to face Seongje below him, who was giving him a look that sent a shiver down his spine, his head positioned rest beside him.
" you want me to go deeper? " Seongje said under his breath, his voice filled with hunger as he kept his eyes locked on Sieun's weary face.
As soon as he heard those words, he titled his head back, closing his eyes as he groaned, body shuddering while he breathed shakily.
Why did he always do this? Always ended up getting him so close, and just stopping, abruptly. Knowing Seongje, though, hearing him plead probably turned him on at the sight, giving sense to why he would even do this, in the first place.
His lower body jerked in shock when he felt Seongje press his finger firmly against his tip, rubbing it slowly, in small circles.
Sieun immediately moaned in response, his breathes becoming more and more ragged.
" tell me sieun, say it, " Seongje continued, his voice turning into something more desperate, more dangerous.
He swallowed, trying to find the strength to even get the words out.
His mind was spiralling, as his body ached harshly, each second making the tension grow stronger. Seongje's finger didn't help at all, either, only making him feel more blurry.
" pl, please-- " he said over a choked breath, the word barely even coming out due to how hard he was breathing.
Sieun looked wearily down at Seongje, waiting for him to continue, desperation taking over him. But all he saw in return was a slight tilt of his head, as he clicked his tongue at Sieun.
" you can do better than that, " he said sternly, his voice dropping into barely a whisper, eyes still looked on Sieun.
And his movements never stopped, either,
Never sped up, never slowed down ; he just kept looking up at Sieun, waiting, pressing his finger against him at the slowest pace possible, practically driving Sieun insane.
His body writhed under his grip, too, trying to get anything, any sort of friction that could help him.
He closed his eyes tightly, as he felt tears begin well up, slowly dripping down the sides of his face. He tried his best to gather the strength to even figure out what to say, as he opened his mouth to get the words out :
" please seongje, please, go-- " he pleaded over his choked sobs, the words barely even coming slipping out of his mouth.
And after what seemed like forever,
After what felt like hours on end, he caught Seongje let out a faint laugh, making him twitch when he felt the heat against him.
He felt him release his firm grip on him, and slowly slide his hand down, wrapping his fingers around him, making Sieun exhale shakily when he finally stopped moving his finger after so long.
▪︎
Everything that came next was a blur ; Sieun was too occupied, too busy to even let his mind function correctly.
And as soon as he felt Seongje push his mouth down, after waiting desperately for so long, his whole body reacted immediately ; sending a shockwave throughout his entire body, making his legs shudder every second , dragging a loud noise from his throat.
He closed his eyes tightly, breathing restlessly as if he'd just ran a full mile, as he felt him push his mouth even deeper---practically deepthroating himself against him, sucking down for atleast a second, and then dragging his mouth back up ; repeating, over and over.
His grip on the pillow behind him tightened, his fingers digging into the plush fabric. And his other hand---the one resting just beside Seongje---managed to slide onto Seongje's head, as he immediately gripped his hair tightly, making him grunt against him.
His entire body was trembling, his fingers shaking as he tightened his grip against Seongje each time he moved his head down ; each time he felt his mouth run along him, leaving him shuddering each second.
As Seongje continued, each movement sending a loud noise out of his throat, he could feel himself growing closer each second, the tension starting to boil over within his lower body.
And after what seemed like endless hours, what seemed like forever on end,
After waiting desperately for so long, after having to beg to get what he needed, having to plead in order to feel it,
His vision went completely blank, his mind entirely empty, when he finally reached his release---which without a doubt, felt good, as his body melted immediately at the feeling.
A loud noise escaped his throat as his whole body jerked slightly upwards, shuddering at the feeling that exploded inside of him, sending a wave of shock throughout his body. His hand that was gripping Seongje's hair like it was the only thing that could keep him steady, immediately released it's grip, falling down beside him onto the mattress. The other hand digging into the pillow released it's grip as well, resting behind him.
Too lost to even realize, he immediately shuddered when he felt Seongje's mouth slowly pull back, sliding up along his length, each subtle movement making him twitch due to how sensitive his body felt after reaching his climax.
Despite how blurry his vision seemed, he titled his head just enough so that he could see Seongje---who was, unsurprisingly, looking up at him, his eyes narrowed by the slightest. Sieun's eyes widened when he caught Seongje shift a bit, moving so his mouth was directly above his length.
Never even breaking eye contact with him, Seongje pressed his mouth down as he lazily licked his tip, dragging his tongue slowly across it to get his reaction. Sieun's body immediately shuddered, his waist trying to pull back from Seongje's tight grip, a ragged moan escaping his mouth.
And in response, Seongje just laughed under his breath, watching each and every reaction that Sieun gave him.
Tilting his head to the side, he closed his eyes at he let out ragged exhales, his body still recovering from everything, shuddering each second. There was no doubt, now, that he felt relaxed---that after atleast two hours of nothing but his mind racing back and forth, he finally felt like he could fall asleep any second.
But before he could, he gasped inaudibly when he felt Seongje slowly tilt his head up slightly, his hand around his jaw.
He looked up at him, his eyes weary, as he saw him lean down, close enough so that their lips were brushing up against one another's.
" better? " he said softly against his lips, his voice low and hoarse.
After just a few seconds of holding still, nothing but breathes hitting one another, Sieun closed his eyes when Seongje slowly pressed his lips down against him, kissing him as if he were memorizing every inch of him.
Sieun melted into it, completely lost as he let Seongje press his lips firmly against his, swallowing any breath that attempted to leave him.
He kept his eyes closed as Seongje slowly pulled back, sucking on his lips softly until he leaned back far enough so that his face was just infront of Sieun's. Tilting his head to the side as he leaned back against the pillow, he felt Seongje lie down beside him, close enough so that he could just barely, feel the warmth of his breath hitting the side of his neck.
He shuddered slightly when he felt Seongje's hand brush underneath the hem of his shirt, slowly running along his chest and stopping once he reached the side of his chest, resting his arm across his upper body.
Sieun's breathes gradually got more and more shallower as seconds flew by, his head tipping slowly as he felt himself drifting away towards sleep.
And in the matter of seconds, the room went silent,
Nothing but quiet breathes and the sound of rain tapping against the window.
His mind was completely blank, his body starting to become loose from how close he was towards sleep, as his breathes became slower, more quiet.
But just as he felt himself about to pass out against the mattress, he heard his voice. It was faint, barely even a whisper due to how tired they both were, but he heard directly beside him :
" sieun, "
Seongje said underneath his breath, his head still resting just beside his.
He was too tired, too weak to even open his mouth. And if he was being honest, the voice didn't even sound real---it sounded like something you'd hear in a dream, too faint to be genuine.
His eyes still closed shut, he let out a muffled hum in response, still not even sure whether or not he was dreaming, or if he was actually hearing Seongje say his name.
Usually he would be confused, questioning what Seongje was about to say, but his mind was completely shut off, his body barely even awake as he was on the borderline of sleep.
But then he heard him again, that same voice right beside him, barely a whisper :
" i left something out about last night, "
Seongje muttered beside him, his voice fading into a breath.
| 11 : 56 P M
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Notes:
This chapter was so long I actually started going insane
But omgg something is definitely happening between themm, FINALLY after so long bc of how HARD their dynamic is to portray help
FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED 🫶 🫶
Chapter Text
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| Last night -- 1 : 52 AM
Their chests were practically pressed against one another as Seongje leaned over Sieun, sucking on the side of Sieun's neck as he shuddered below him.
Sieun was twitching by the slightest, his body trembling below Seongje, as each of his breathes came out as shallow exhales, slightly ragged due to everything that he's been through---everything that his intoxicated mind made Seongje do, that he practically begged for, over and over. Seongje could just barely feel Sieun's grip tightening against his back, his fingers practically digging into the back of Seongje's shoulders, making him grunt at the feeling.
And Seongje, whose body was starting to ache due to everything, drank at the sight of Sieun ; at the sight of him trembling , shuddering below him. But his mind was foggy, as he started to feel more and more lightheaded as seconds passed.
He couldnt exactly tell what made him say the words that were about to come out of his mouth, as he slowly pulled back so that he faced Sieun.
He watched, stared at him as Sieun's eyes fluttered opened and closed---how his mouth hung slightly open letting out shaky exhales, how his chest slowly rose up, and fell back down each second.
" sieun, " he muttered quietly under his breath, his voice low, as he leaned his head in closer.
His head was now directly beside Sieun's, his lips barely grazing up against the skin along Sieun's face.
And in the matter of seconds, the words slipped out of his mouth , not even taking a second to think about what he was about to say. Either way, though, it wouldn't really matter---he knew that Sieun was going to forget everything the next day, so he wanted to atleast, take advantage of this opportunity.
" tell me that you love me sieun, " he said against the side of Sieun's face, barely a whisper ;
his lips brushing up against his skin, his voice turning into something more desperate.
And in return, all he got was shaky breathes---ragged exhales as his body continued trembling softly under Seongje's weight.
Letting out an exhale, he pulled his head back so that he was facing Sieun, again, as he leaned close enough to tighten the space between them , so that his lips were brushing up against Sieun's.
He reached his arm down, never even breaking his gaze from Sieun, as he wrapped his fingers around Sieun's length, pressing his thumb down firmly against his tip. Sieun immediately shuddered in response, a slight moan escaping his mouth as he breathed heavily against Seongje's lips.
" say it sieun, say it for me, " he whispered onto Sieun's lips, nothing more than a breath, as his voice grew more and more desperate
And after just a few more ragged exhales ,
Sieun actually said it.
Said three words, as Seongje heard them come directly out of him ; directly out of his mouth. The words were barely even understandable too, barely even a breath over his shaky exhales.
But despite how surreal it felt, it was enough for Seongje---enough for him to feel something rush through his body, for his mind to go hazy ,
just at the sound of those words.
☆
| Tuesday -- 5 : 58 AM
His mind was blank, completely drowned out from the world around him. He wasnt being bombarded by any thoughts, wasn't continuesly shifting back and forth due to how uncomfortable he felt---but he was he was asleep, letting out shallow breathes as he laid against the bed.
Despite how empty his mind was, though, he was gradually brought back to reality as soon as he heard a noise.
It was faint, sounding as if it were coming from the back of his head, from the distance that stretched infront of him. But as seconds flew passed, it grew louder, echoing throughout his head.
It almost sounded almost like, an alarm? Maybe one of the alarms he set for school purposes, but he hasn't even used his phone for an entire week, so that was out of the picture.
And at this point, he was partially awake, on the borderline of sleep. So in response, his eyes slowly fluttered open, his vision blurring his surroundings. Immediately, he was brought to reality when he felt the heat against his body, when he felt the warmth of Seongje's hand that was resting directly across his chest, his head just beside his.
But he didn't even take a second to care, as he pivoted his head up slightly to see where the blaring sound was coming from. He squinted his eyes as he turned his head towards the noise.
Immediately, he caught a phone, likely Seongje's, lying face down against the mattress, just behind Seongje's back---far out of his reach. Now that his mind was slightly less blurry, he realized that the sound that he was hearing was coming Seongje's phone---it mustve been ringing from getting called.
He let out a slight groan, closing his eyes, as he brought one of his hands and shoved at Seongje's arm that was resting along his chest, urging him to wake up.
" seongje, . " he mumbled under his breath, pushing against his arm.
After a few more shoves, he mustve woken up, as he let out an exhausted groan, head still buried in the matress beside Sieun, not even taking a second to budge.
" your phone, " he muttered, his words slurred, as he still pressed against Seongje's arm, closing his eyes as if it could help drown out the blaring noise.
Letting out a loud groan, Seongje finally pushed himself up slightly, muttering a curse underneath his breath, as Sieun kept his eyes shut, desperate to fall back asleep.
" what the fuck, . . " Seongje mumbled quietly, letting out an exhausted exhale.
Sieun reopened his eyes to see Seongje squinting, patting the mattress with one of his hands, searching for the phone. Based on the sight, he assumed that Seongje's vision must've been pretty bad without his glasses.
" where is it-- " Seongje muttered under his breath between an annoyed groan, still squinting his eyes as he searched for it.
He let out a sigh, closing his eyes, hoping for the noise to go away any second.
" its behind you, " Sieun mumbled underneath his breath, tilting his head to the side as an attempt to ease down the piercing sound.
And after atleast half a minute of torture, Seongje managed to finally grab the phone, bring it towards him, and immediately end the call. He didnt even take a second to care to see who was calling him, whether it was important or not.
Groaning, Seongje shoved the phone back onto the mattress beside them, and immediately fell back against Sieun---resting his head beside him as he draped his arm across his chest.
" fucking bitch, " Sieun heard Seongje mutter under his breath, nothing more than an exhale.
Although he still felt as if he were about to fall asleep any second, he suddenly opened his eyes when he felt Seongje's grip on the side of his chest tighten. He could feel his nails practically digging into his side, making Sieun wince quietly at the feeling, as Seongje continued breathing heavily right beside him.
Despite it, though, he tried to push it aside by closing his eyes, his mind slowly recovering from the piercing ring tone.
And surprisingly, the room actually went silent, nothing but soft breathes and soft rain pattering against the window.
But the silence only lasted for nothing more than a minute---at least a few seconds, at most.
Sieun immediately closed his eyes tightly, when he heard the noise blast through the room again. Who was even calling him---calling him at five in the morning, repeatedly. He let out a frustrated sigh.
For Seongje, he immediately shot up, pushing himself up lazily to reach his arm out, grabbing the phone.
" are you fucking serious, . " he mumbled in between a groan, hastily using his one hand to click at the phone whilst squinting his eyes.
Hanging up the call, Seongje let out a frustrated sigh, as he threw the phone back down against the mattress and fell back down against Sieun. He exhaled deeply as he gripped the side of Sieun's chest tightly, and tugged him forward slightly.
In response, Sieun didnt even budge, didnt even flinch when he felt Seongje pull him closer. He was too tired to even care---that was one of the reasons. The other one was, self explanatory.
So, he closed his eyes as he felt himself gradually drifting towards sleep once again, as Seongje did the same beside him, spreading a wave of warmth throughout his body due to how close he was. Sieun exhaled at the feeling.
And just as the world was about to drown out around him, just as he felt himself inches away from sinking into sleep ,
he heard a faint knock , slightly muffled due to how foggy his mind was.
But aside from tiredness, he immediately opened his eyes, squinting to make sure that he wasn't just hearing things. After a few seconds, he heard it again---louder this time, sounding more demanding.
Sieun immediately groaned at the sound, as he tried to shift away from Seongje's grasp, his body weak from exhaustion. But instead of him just letting him go, his grip on his side only tightened, to the point where Sieun grunted at the feeling.
" there's someone at the door-- " he muttered quietly with a frustrated tone, his voice barely a breath.
He shoved at Seongje's hand, who to his surprise, didn't budge an inch. Seongje let out an annoyed groan beside him.
" just ignore it, " Seongje whined beside him, his voice fading into a breath, only tightening his grip against him.
But Sieun didn't care.
Obviously, he wanted to fall back asleep too---wanted to close his eyes, to relax. But not knowing who was at his door kept him from doing so. It could be important, something urgent, especially judging by the continues knocks. Maybe it was his mother, even his friends.
So after a few more lazy shoves, he finally managed to pry Seongje's hand free from his side and shift himself off the bed, immediately almost stumbling as soon as he hit the floor due to how weak he felt. As he walked towards the door tiredly, he heard Seongje mumble a curse behind him.
Once he reached the door, he rubbed his eyes a bit, trying to atleast get rid of some of the tiredness that was hanging over him.
Squinting his eyes, he reached out for the door knob, and slowly pulled open the door, a gush of cold wind making him shiver. However, his eyes immediately widened, slightly, when he saw who was standing in front of his door.
It was, a police officer? A woman, who looked slightly comforting, in a way---a gentle expression on her face. She was wearing a hood over her head, still in uniform, due to the rain pouring from the outside, and her face immediately seemed to drop when she saw Sieun, a worried face washing over her.
" Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you, you must've just woken up, " she said worringly.
Sieun blinked, still dumbfounded to why there was a cop directly on his doorstep, especially at this time in the morning. Out of all the people who could've thought of---a delivery man, one of his friends, his mother---a police officer wasn't even in the ballpark; not even close.
He shuddered slightly when he felt a hand brush up against his shoulder, behind him, resting across his side.
" woah, did we do something wrong miss? " Seongje said mockingly behind Sieun, looking wearily at the cop.
She made a half-annoyed half-amused face, as she let out a slight laugh, giving Seongje a look.
" Not at all, " she clarified, rushing a wave of relief through Sieun.
Sieun's eyes fluttered around her, still confused to why she was here, all of a sudden. He couldn't think of anything "illegal" he's done recently, much less anything that involved criminal worthy aspects.
After a few seconds, he caught the officers' expression change, as it turned into something slightly more serious, less amused.
" Are the two of you related to Yeon Gyu-Jin? " she asked mannerly, her eyes fluttering between both of them.
Sieun's breath stilled at those words.
Not the words, but the name---the name that came right out of her mouth. His mind went completely blank for a few seconds. Despite it, though, he managed to finally gather the strength to reply.
" yes, he's my father, " he said blankly, staring at the officer.
She did a slight nod, her expression becoming more sensitive.
" yeah, we're brothers, " Seongje casually said beside him, holding his grip tight against Sieun's shoulder as he leaned in closer towards him, trying to hint that they were "siblings."
That immediately caught Sieun off guard, as he turned his head slightly to face him.
" what-- what are y-- " he began, until he was cut off.
" he's a bit grumpy, we just got a back from a long ass flight yesterday, " Seongje immediately blurted out, leaning forward a bit to "reassure" the officer.
Sieun immediately faced away, his eyes fluttering around the outside, annoyed by how Seongje was acting. For one, he was lying---lying directly to the face of a police officer. And two, he was just casually swearing infront of a cop, not even bothering about having any sense to act slightly, normal---civilized, at least.
He knew it was too late to say anything, too risky to even try, so he just sighed as he ignored him.
" Would you mind if I come inside to speak with you two? It might be difficult to understand if I'm getting drenched in the rain, " she said after a few seconds, a faint smile on her face.
Sieun immediately nodded, moving aside to let her in, as Seongje followed. As she walked in, she immediately took her drenched boots off, and placed them off to the side, proceeding to pull her hood off her head, letting out a relaxed exhale.
They both watched---Sieun anxious for what she was about to tell them, and Seongje just overly confused---as she scanned the room, and immediately began walking towards the nearby dining table across the room.
" Let's have a seat, " she said over her shoulder, motioning for them to come sit down at the table.
Sieun walked over, Seongje trailing him, as he sat down infront of the officer, while Seongje pulled out a seat and sat down next to him.
He watched as she brushed her hair off a bit, adjusting her jacket to brush away any remaining rain water from her clothes. She finally looked up to face them, her expression unreadable, yet sensitive.
" I'm afraid I have some difficult news for the both of you, " she said calmly, her face lined with understanding.
Sieun's breath hitched at those words. He felt his stomach sink. There was no doubt, what was about to come next.
" You too have been aware that you're father has been missing for some time now. " she began, her voice growing more serious.
She paused for a second, seeming as if she were waiting for a reply. Sieun nodded slightly, and he caught Seongje nod, too, in the corner of his eye.
" As of yeterday, a body has been found not too far from here, at a motel, " she continued.
He stared at her, his breathes starting to get more shaky, as he heard those words. He just barely saw Seongje turn his head to face him, for a few seconds.
" After the investigation was cleared, we concluded that the identity of the individual is believed to be your loved one, "
After pausing for a few seconds, she slowly reached her hands out as she carefully grabbed both of their hands, holding them gently.
Sieun was too lost to even react.
" I understand that this is a hard time for you both, and it must be very hard on you, " she said as she leaned in closer, her voice turning into a more caring tone.
" At you're earliest convenience, whenever you are ready, we encourage you to visit us and identify individually, to ensure validity. " she finally concluded, giving them a look of understanding.
Sieun exhaled, nodding slightly, his mind spiralling.
With one last nod and a gentle squeeze against their hands, she slowly stood up, pushing the chair back in.
" Please know that we're here for you, " she said respectfully, looking at both of them with care.
After a few seconds of heartfelt looks, she seemed as if she was about to turn around, but suddenly turned back as she walked over to, Seongje? Sieun watched, completely drowned out in his thoughts.
He saw her lean down a bit, and whisper something into his ear---something that he couldn't even understand.
-
" And next time, make sure to put on a shirt when you're talking to an officer, especially a woman. " she whispered into his ear, almost catching him offguard.
-
" oh, right, " Sieun heard Seongje say blankly beside him, with a slight laugh.
But Sieun didn't even care. Wasnt even slightly curious about what she told Seongje. He just watched as the officer walked away, already slipping her boots back on.
He watched as she slowly opened the front door, about to walk out. And god, his head was racing. He had so many questions he didn't even know where to begin, where to start.
So he pushed himself off the chair and hastily walked over to her.
" wait-- " he said as he caught her just about to leave the door.
She gave him a confused face, her brows furrowed, yet still calming. Sieun tried to gather the right words, not even sure what he was about to ask :
" how did-- " he began, his eyes fluttering around the outside.
" what caused him his, " he continued, stopping himself as his mind went hazy.
She looked up him, a wave of understanding sweeping over her face.
" We're not entirely sure yet, but we'll make sure to stay in contact with you and your brother, " she reassured, his voice toned with comfort.
Sieun nodded slightly, as he saw her turn around, as walk away into the rain.
- -
After a few seconds of standing still, his mind clouding up with thoughts and his eyes starting to gradually become more and more heavy as time passed, he slowly pulled the door closed. He turned around to walk towards somewhere---he wasn't sure where, but all he knew was that he needed to sit down, to think, reflect.
But before he could even take a few steps, he suddenly stopped by Seongje, who someone was standing behind him. He reached his arm out, placing his hand on Sieun's chest, forcing him to stop as he looked down at him.
" hey, s-- " Seongje said underneath his breath, about to something but immediately getting cut off by Sieun.
He looked up at him for a few seconds, glaring almost, before roughly shoving his hand off his chest by rolling his shoulder back. He walked passed him, and without a thought, he headed over for the couch and fell down onto it.
Now sitting, he leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes tightly. Not only until then, did he feel tears start to well up in his eyes, slowly dripping down the sides of his face. When he felt Seongje slump down beside him, Sieun immediately brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes, exhaling.
And not only that, but him sitting down right beside him immediately reminded him that he was there for everything---there for all of it; heard everything, every single bit of it. And it was personal, too, something that Sieun wasn't even planning on sharing with him. But what made him tense, what made him tighten his grip against the fabric of the couch, was the fact that Seongje acted like it mean't nothing; like it was a game, entertaining himself by casually throwing misinformation at the officers' face.
Annoyance boiling over, he turned to face Seongje beside him, who was just looking down, messing with the fabric of his pants.
" why would you do that? " he said all of a sudden, his voice tinted with frustration.
He caught Seongje turn to face him, humming in his mouth with a questioning tone. Sieun let out a ragged exhale, his eyes fluttering around the room, his breathes becoming more heavy each second. He looked eyes with him.
" lying to the cop? what if you, . . what if she-- " he began, his voice crumbling into heavy breathes, his heart starting to pound against his chest.
Seongje looked at Sieun, furrowing his brows.
" hey relax, i do it all the time, you dont gotta worry about it, " Seongje immediately replied, reassuring him.
Closing his eyes as he breathed heavily, his breathes coming out as shaky exhales, he shuddered slightly when he felt Seongje shift a bit closer, close enough so that their knees were barely touching. He kept his gaze locked on the floor, as he wiped away any tears that tried to drip down the sides of his face, sniffling by the slightest.
In the side of his eye, and after a few seconds of silence, he saw Seongje turn to face him, letting out an exhale.
" im sorry, if i knew i would've-- " he began, his voice surprisingly sounding, sincere.
Sieun cut him off, still keeping his eyes locked on the floor, closing them occasionally.
" it's fine, " he said blankly underneath his breath, his breathes becoming more shallow as time went on.
The two of them sat in silence for a bit, nothing but shaky exhales and heavy breathes. Sieun was lost in his thoughts, overwhelmed---his mind being bombarded with numerous emotions; guilt, frustration, fear. But he tried to push it all aside, tried his best to refocus.
He heard Seongje let out a sigh, beside him.
" you know, my dad dissapeared when i was young, just fucking vanished out of nowhere, " he began, staring blankly into the distance that stretched in front of them.
Sieun exhaled, his breath stilling as he listened to him, eyes still focused on the floor below him.
" called me a fucking burden or whatever, said ill never be the son that he wished for, " he continued, his voice growing more quiet.
He sat still, in silence. He didn't even know what to say to that, his mind was completely blank, but he felt sorry for him, in a way. He wanted to say something---to say sorry, to try and comfort him, but he just couldn't. He could even feel tears welling up in his eyes.
After looking away for so long, Seongje turned his head slightly to face Sieun's side.
" look, what im trying to say, is that i know what you're going through sieun, " he further clarified, his voice toned with understanding.
Sieun sat there, his eyes fluttering open and closed, letting out shallow, yet shaky exhales as he held his gaze on the floor. He heard Seongje sigh beside him.
" if you need to be alone i can leave, just tell m-- " Seongje began, before being cut off by Sieun.
He didn't even know why he said it, why it he said it so loudly, too.
It seemed like it just slipped out of his mouth without control, especially after staying quiet for so long.
" no-- " he said hastily, turning to face Seongje beside him.
Judging by his face, Seongje must've not been expecting that, as he furrowed his brows at Sieun, his eyes lighting up by the slightest. Sieun looked up at him wearily, his eyes on the verge of tears.
" don't, " he muttered underneath his breath, in between shaky exhales, eyes locked with Seongje's.
After a few seconds of looks---Sieun looking at him wearily, and Seongje looking back, fazed---Sieun turned his head down a bit to face Seongje's side.
Without even thinking about it, he shifted himself. It was almost like an instinct, something that seemed normal. But it wasn't normal at all; it was much more than normal, at least to Seongje it wasn't.
Turning his head to face the room infront of them, he slowly leaned himself over towards Seongje, and rested his head against his shoulder, closing his eyes. He felt Seongje shudder slightly, barely enough for Sieun to even notice. And he just sat there, his head resting against Seongje's side, slowly shifting whenever his chest rose, inhaling and exhaling. His mind was completely blank too---one, because he was tired, and two, because he actually felt, relaxed; calm, in a way.
After sitting in silence for atleast a minute, none of them saying a word, something managed to slip passed Sieun's mind.
It was a singular word :
' school '
He immediately opened his eyes as he pushed himself off Seongje, eyes fluttering around the room. He heard Seongje mutter something beside him, but his mind was too occupied to even listen.
" what time is it, " he said hurriedly, locking eyes with Seongje for a split second.
Sieun watched as Seongje furrowed his brows, and pulled out his phone from his pocket. He turned the phone on for a brief second.
" almost seven, why? " he replied looking at Sieun, a confused look lined across his face.
He immediately closed his eyes tightly at those words, letting out a frustrated exhale. He was originally planning on getting to school by six at latest, nothing more than that---but turns out that was already not an option. All aside, though, he pushed himself off the couch as he immediately rushed over to his drawers, pulling out his uniform.
" hey? sieun! " he heard Seongje call out behind him, his voiced drowned out due to how fast his mind was racing.
Grabbing the clothes, he shoved them onto the bed as he hastily ripped off his shirt and sweatpants, throwing them to the side. He then hurriedly put his uniform on, breathing heavily.
For some reason, his entire body jumped when he felt Seongje brush his hand against his shoulder, making him turn around to face him.
" sieun, what are y-- " Seongje began, his brows furrowed as he looked down at Sieun, a confused look across his face.
He was cut off by Sieun, immediately, before he could even finish his sentence.
" i need to get to school, . " he muttered in between heavy breathes, trying to push Seongje aside so that he could continue getting "ready."
But his limbs were too weak, his mind growing more and more lightheaded each second, so any attempt to do so pathetically failed as Seongje held him still.
" okay, well-- atleast try to take a second to breath ok? you sound like you're fucking hyperventilating, " Seongje said above him, his voice becoming more and more drowned out in Sieun's mind.
Hyperventilating? Maybe he was. Sieun couldn't even tell what was happening, as his vision grew more blurry, his body starting to gradually give out on him. It almost felt like that feeling---when you stand up too fast, and almost immediately, your vision blurs as you're entire body turns weak.
And in the matter of a few seconds, he almost stumbled to the floor, clinging onto Seongje's chest, but managed to barely slip down as Seongje held him up by his shoulders.
" woah-- jesus, . " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, using his strength to help Sieun back up.
He slowly helped Sieun sit down on the edge of the bed, almost stumbling due to the fact that his limbs were shaking each second.
And Sieun---his mind felt foggy, to the point where everything around sounded muffled, as his eyes fluttered opened and closed, his vision blurred. He felt like he could collapse any second; looked like it, too.
Seongje leaned down a bit to face him, keeping Sieun steady with his hand against his chest as he heaved back and forth, swaying by the slightest as he let out ragged exhales, seemingly as if he were gasping for air.
" sieun, im not gonna let you go to school all fucked up like this, shit, " he said sternly at Sieun's face, staring at him in awe.
After a few grueling seconds, his mind gradually started becoming more clear, his body feeling less weak. Only after a moment, did he process what Seongje had said.
He turned his head up slightly enough to face him, looking at him wearily, panting in and out.
" no, . i can't-- " he mumbled in between heavy breathes, the words sounding slurred due to the state he was in.
He tried to stand up, to push himself off the bed and continue what he was doing, but he couldnt even budge due to how tightly Seongje was holding him down.
" look, ill take care of it, go to you're school and let the teachers know or whatever, " Seongje said hastily, holding Sieun down.
He leaned down a bit, enough so that he could see Sieun's face directly. Sieun's eyes fluttered towards his, as he continued letting out ragged breathes.
" okay? " Seongje said, eyes locked with Sieun as he tried his best to reassure him.
And god, he didn't even know why he was doing this, why his body was doing this to him. But as soon as he locked eyes with Seongje, as soon as he saw the way he was looking at him, how he was staring at him---his body immediately did something it hasn't done in a while. The last time he'd cried---cried like this, at least---was probably beside Suho, at the hospital. But other than that, he's never even broke this fast before, ever in his life.
His head immediately fell down as tears began swelling up in his eyes, starting to pour down in the matter of seconds. And it wasn't just the type of normal crying that you see an average person do on a daily basis---it was sobbing, as heavy tears poured continuesly down the sides of his face.
" shit, " Seongje muttered quietly under his breath, complete frozen---not even knowing what to do.
Sieun brought his trembling hands up to his face as he hastily tried to wipe away his tears, rubbing his eyes as he let out choked sobs. It was so confusing, as he couldn't even stop himself from continuesly letting out tears every second. He tried to get a few words out, but they ended up coming out as nothing more than shaky breathes over sobs.
" im, sorr-- i don't know wh-- " he began, his voice crumbling into a breath as he breathed shakily.
He caught Seongje look up at him, letting out an exhale.
" it's fine, just-- try to get some sleep or something, ok? " Seongje said as he slowly stood up, still keeping his hand against Sieun's chest.
Sieun nodded shakily, his whole body trembling as he continued rubbing his eyes to hopefully stop the tears from falling down continuesly. Closing his eyes tightly, he heard Seongje's footsteps trail behind him, walking off somewhere Sieun didn't even care to see.
He reopened his eyes when he felt something brush up against his hand, a soft fabric, almost.
" here, " Seongje said blankly, looking down at Sieun as he placed some tissues in the hand resting by his side.
Breathing shakily, his sobs starting fade away into nothing but heavy exhales, he brought one of the tissues up to his face as he patted it against his eyes, wiping his tears away. Now that his mind was gradually becoming more clear, he managed to process what Seongje had said to him.
So in response, he slowly shifted himself a bit by using his hands to make him lay vertically, and pushed him up so that he was lying flat, against the bed. He then placed the tissues beside him, and closed his eyes. His mind was too foggy to even take a second to care about what just happened, so after closing his eyes, he managed to gradually drift towards sleep, his head leaning softly against the pillow below him.
And for Seongje --- he just looked down at him, dumbfounded by Sieun. Not just Sieun, though, but the entire situation. He's never really felt guilt before, much less anything form of sympathy---of feeling bad for someone. But after this: after accidentally hearing something he "wasn't" supposed to hear; after seeing how Sieun just crumbled to pieces in front of him, sobbing his heart out, he felt, bad.
He's only ever seen him cry at least two times before, too. But those were during, "exceptional," situations---on the bed, at the night club. So this; seeing him break into tears right below him---he didn't even know how to react.
His mind was spiralling as he looked down at him, now still, laying down against the bed below him. And he just stared---stared not knowing what to do, how to react. Should he say something? Try his best to comfort him, atleast---despite how stupid it would feel. To him, Sieun looked seemingly asleep, as his eyes were closed, his chest rising softly.
So, he just decided not to do anything, yet at least, but instead focus on what he reassured Sieun, what he told him that he'd do for him. Letting out a quiet sigh, he walked towards where his uniform was hanging, where it was draped across the chair in the kitchen, and grabbed it. He picked up his pants, as well, which were lying somewhere random on the floor beside the bed. Slipping the uniform on, he then made his way for the door.
However, before he was about to turn the knob, he turned his head back just enough to see Sieun, still lying on the bed behind him.
He looked at him one last time, for a few seconds atleast.
And with that, he exhaled as he turned to face the door, turned the knob, pushed the door open, and walked out, slowly closing the door once he reached the outside hallway.
☆
| 7 : 54 PM
Sieun's eyes slowly fluttered open and closed, his vision slightly blurry due to the fact that he just woke up, seconds ago. He closed his eyes tightly, exhaling as he slowly pushed himself up a bit so that he was leaned his back against the headboard of his bed.
After resting his eyes for atleast a minute, he slowly opened them, scanning his surroundings.
He'd almost forgot about what happened, until he realized where he was---lying on his bed, in his appartment. Exhaling, he turned his head to the side as he searched for his phone, which to his surprise, was laying face down against the side table directly beside him. He reached his arm out as he grabbed it.
Almost immediately, as soon as he clicked the power button, he was blinded by three numbers, lined across his screen:
7 : 56 PM
He closed his eyes tightly, exhaling with frustration when he saw the time---when he saw how late it was. He couldn't exactly remember the specific time to which he fell asleep, but he was guessing it was somewhere around six AM or so; maybe even earlier.
Judging by the math, that means he's been asleep for atleast thirteen hours, way more than he was even planning on, in the first place. And to add to that, he didn't get much sleep either last night, too, especially since he spent so much time awake, with Seongje.
But despite how late he woke up, he surprisingly didn't actually feel too tired---he felt quite awake, his mind clearer than usual, his body actually capable of moving properly.
So as he sat there, in silence, things from earlier today started rushing back through his mind.
The most major thing that he immediately thought of was the news---the news that he recieved regarding his father. He wasn't even expecting it, either. Wasn't even close to thinking that the police officers' intent was to spread awareness of his father. If he were going to be honest, a part of him just assumed that she had come for Seongje, which would be one of the most obvious reasons. But that wasn't even close.
The next thing that passed his mind was obvious---him.
He immediately was reminded of last night, reminded of the things they did; what Seongje did to him. Most importantly, though, was what Sieun did to him, rather than the other way around. He recalled how he, without any hesitation, said two words---two words that had a huge impact on everything. They just slipped out of his mouth, too, without a single thought. And overall, he didn't even know what to think of it, of doing something like that, saying something so, different. So for now, he just pushed it away, tucked it in the back of his mind.
Still thinking about him, a wave of annoyance rushed over him when he remembered what Seongje did---how he lied directly to the face of a police officer, not even taking a second to act mannerly; how he pretended that they were "brothers," literally just for nothing but entertainment purposes. However, the annoyance that was steadily boiling inside of him gradually died down, as something else passed through his mind.
And god, he closed his eyes tightly, letting out an audible exhale as he leaned his head back against the head board. Now that he thought of it, it was so embarrassing. Usually, he wasn't really even the type of person to feel embarrassed, to even care about what others think. But knowing that he broke down, sobbing directly infront of Seongje's face, made him feel so uneasy. And he couldn't even stop himself, either---couldn't even attempt to stop himself from letting continuous tears flow down the sides of his face.
Now that he thought of it, too, he wasnt entirely sure why he started crying, either. He just blamed it on the fact that his mind was racing, filled with too many worries and priorities that he completely fell apart.
All aside, though, his mind drifted towards him, again.
Although he definitely wasn't functioning properly at the time, he managed to remember snippets of what Seongje did---how he reassured Sieun, volunteering to help him by dedicating his time to go to his school; how he actually seemed to "care" about him, as he brought him over tissues; how he told Sieun something, personal, without even hesitating to do so. That alone, didnt even seem like Seongje, let alone something that he'd do, in the first place. But that's what made it seem so, weird---so confusing, so complex that Sieun couldn't even think of where to begin.
And at this point, all he could think about was him; his eyes, his smile, his voice, his touch.
So without even questioning what he was about to do, he pushed himself off the bed as he stood up, rubbing his eyes to wash away the remaining tiredness that clinged to him. He walked over towards his drawers, rummaging through them to find something to wear; something other than his school uniform. Once he found a shirt and some pants, he slipped on one of his hoodies---a plain, grey colored one.
Walking over towards the side of his bed, he picked up of phone and shoved it into one of his pockets.
And luckily, judging by the sound at least, the continous rain seemed to have died down, as he peered through the window only to see faint water droplets falling down under the street lamp.
So without any hesitation, he made sure to turn off all of his lights before leaving, as he then turned the knob of his door, grabbed his keys that were hanging up beside the wall, stepped out, and locked it.
There were no questions, no doubt surrounding where he was heading to, as he walked down the stairwell towards the bus stop.
☆
| 8 : 19 PM
Sieun was now standing directly in front of his appartment door, the soft rain pouring down against him.
The rain that continued falling down managed to get his hair a bit damp, but not too much so that he looked entirely soaked. The same went with his clothes, as his hoodie was slightly damp, water droplets clinging onto the soft fabric.
After a few seconds of nothing but standing still, nothing but rain slowly falling down beside him, he exhaled as he finally raised his arm up and knocked on his door. He knocked two times, atleast.
Almost immediately, he could hear a faint voice growing closer. It sounded almost as if, whoever it was, was arguing? Maybe even fighting with someone, judging on the loud tone. He slowly leaned in a bit, trying to get closer in order to understand what he was hearing.
But before he could even move a slight inch, he heard the door click, slowly swinging open. He jerked back a bit, startled by the sudden action as he looked up.
He watched as he slowly pulled open the door, his eyes fluttering around the outside as he held a phone up to his ear. Based on his expression, he must've been doing something along the lines of arguing, with whoever the person on the phone was---but Sieun didn't want to jump to any conclusions.
Only after a few seconds, did his gaze hit Sieun, as he immediately paused what he was saying mid sentence, and lowered the phone down a bit. Sieun caught him eyeing him up and down, slowly scanning him as a smile curled around his mouth.
Sieun's gaze turned to the phone resting in Seongje's hand when he heard the hums of the voice coming out of it grow louder, sounding as if they were yelling; shouting even.
Without even breaking eye contact, Seongje slowly lowered the phones' speaker towards his mouth, exhaling.
" yeah, ill call you back later ok, " he said casually, slowly turning his gaze towards the phone.
Sieun watched as he clicked at the phone screen, probably ending the call, as he then proceeded to lower his arm and slip it into one of his back pockets. He caught his eyes lock on him, eyeing him up and down.
He heard him let out a slight laugh, as Sieun's eyes fluttered towards the room behind Seongje.
" woah, i just got déjà vu, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath with a smile, barely loud enough for Sieun to hear.
He was too busy to even process what Seongje said as he tilted his head a bit, trying to see whether or not someone was in his appartment. Returning his gaze to Seongje, he exhaled.
" are you busy? " he said blankly, looking up at Seongje, who was unsurprisingly staring deep into him.
Seongje let out a faint laugh underneath his breath, as Sieun stared up at him.
" fuck no, " Seongje immediately replied in between a muffled laugh, still keeping his eyes locked on Sieun.
Almost immediately, he stepped to the side as he pivoted his head, motioning for Sieun to come in. And without any hesitation, he did, stepping inside and passing by Seongje as he paused in the middle of the room.
He heard Seongje shut the door behind him, clicking the lock as Sieun scanned the room, turning his head around, despite being here at least twice. He wasn't really sure why he was here, either. All he knew, though, was that he needed to see him, be with him at least. He turned his head to the side when his eyes caught Seongje walk past him, slumping down onto the couch in what he assumed was the living room.
" hey how was you're beauty sleep? " Seongje called out as he laid back against the couch, stretching his arms out like a cat.
Without a question, Sieun walked over whilst still examining his surroundings, and sat down beside him, leaning back against the couch. He exhaled, staring into the distance in front of him, as he saw Seongje turn his head to face him in the corner of his eye.
" it was fine, longer than i expected, though " he said blankly, turning his head a bit as he scanned the room.
He heard him laugh faintly beside him.
After a few seconds, though, he went silent, making Sieun wonder why he went so quiet all of a sudden.
" sieun, " he heard beside him, immediately making him turn his head to face Seongje
He watched as Seongje's eyes fixated below him for a few seconds---almost as if he were thinking of what to say, how to say it---until they met his, almost making Sieun flinch. His face looked more serious, too, not the usual "amused" expression with a grin lined across it.
" im sorry about earlier, i shou-- " Seongje began, talking at a low tone ,
until Sieun immediately cut him off, closing his eyes as he let out an audible exhale.
" can we not talk about that right now, " he said hastily, the words seemingly just slipping out of his mouth without a thought.
It was true, though. He didn't want to talk about it ; would rather talk about anything other than that, at least.
Still looking into his eyes, he caught Seongje turn his head a bit, his gaze shifting away from Sieun.
" mh, sure, " Seongje said in response, nodding his head by the slightest.
Sieun leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes for a second as he exhaled. When he reopened his eyes, he could just barely see Seongje's head turn towards him.
" hm, so what do you want to talk about? " he heard Seongje say beside him, his voice sounding less serious, this time, with a smile lined across his face.
He couldn't even understand why, but for some reason, his body froze at those words. The thing was, he didn't even know why he came here; let alone what he "wants" to talk about.
So he just sat there, in silence, looking slightly down below him as he kept his lips parted, trying to think of what to say. But before he could even try to think of anything, he immediately turned to face Seongje beside him as he saw him, in the corner of his eye, shift beside him.
" oh shit-- " Seongje suddenly blurted out, loud enough to pierce through the silence that hung over the room, as his body jerked forward a bit.
That immediately caught Sieun's attention, as he immediately pivoted his head to the side, facing Seongje.
" what? " Sieun hastily replied as he furrowed his brows, completely confused at why Seongje was reacting, like that, so suddenly.
He watched as Seongje let out a faint laugh underneath his breath, his gaze slowly turning towards Sieun. For some reason, he looked, shocked? Surprised almost, like he'd just remembered something.
" you know, were practically boyfriends now, " Seongje said almost with a mocking tone, as he looked over at Sieun, a faint grin lined across his face.
Judging by his face, though, he must've not been mocking; this time, at least. He seemed serious, in a way.
" or whatever the fuck they call it, " he continued, his gaze shifting away from Sieun, muttering it underneath his breath.
Sieun just gave him a confused look, not even knowing what to say to that, how to react the words coming out of Seongje's mouth. He's only heard him say that word a few times, usually in order to mock him or tease him---but never like this, atleast.
However, he kept his eyes locked on Seongje beside him when he notice him shift all of a sudden---leaning back against the couch, shifting a bit closer to Sieun's side so that his face was directly beside Sieun's. He turned his head to face forwards, as his gaze hit the floor below him.
" you fucking kissed me sieun, pulled me down, used your words right beside my face, " Seongje said seemingly close to him, his voice toned with enjoyment.
Sieun sat still, listening to what Seongje was saying right beside him, not even knowing how to react. Hearing him remind him of what he did, felt so---he didn't even know how to describe it. But it made him feel, ashamed, in a way---dumbfounded that he even did something like that.
Just as before, the words just slipped out of his mouth, as he tried his best to come up with an excuse---something that would break the tension between them.
" i was sleep deprived, " he said blankly in response, his gaze focused below him.
That was true. He actually was, especially due to how badly he slept the night before that, along with the grueling hangover.
He heard Seongje let out a faint laugh beside him, as he remained close to Sieun's side. Almost immediately, he gasped inaudibly, body shuddering by the slightest, when he felt Seongje's fingers brush up against the side of his chin, slowly turning his head to face him.
Compared to yesterday, his face didnt look as bad as before---the bandage was gone, revealing the light red mark across his upper face, and the black eye seemed to have died down a bit, leaving a faint mark. His eyes immediately locked with Seongje's, who was, unsurprisingly, giving him that same look.
" yeah? you can deny it all you want sieun, " Seongje said directly in front of Sieun's face, eyeing him up and down.
Sieun's eyes fluttered away, his gaze trying to find somewhere else to look, when he saw Seongje lean in slightly closer---close enough to just barely tighten the distance between them.
" but it's not going to change anything, " Seongje said underneath his breath, his voice growing more quiet, with a smile lined across his face.
He exhaled inaudbly when he felt Seongje's hand against his chin pull back. He immediately turned his head away, back to where he was facing, before.
And just like always, he could see him in the corner of his eye, staring deep at him, eyeing every inch of him. He was so close that he could even hear each of his breathes, too, just beside his face.
He heard him scoff slightly beside him.
" your blushing, " Seongje said suddenly, underneath his breath as he kept his eyes locked on Sieun.
Sieun turned his head to look at him for a few seconds, and then shifted his gaze away, letting out a sigh. It always annoyed him how Seongje could notice the smallest things, always pointing them out, confronting him about it.
But he wasn't wrong, though, as Sieun could feel his face growing hot, uncontrollably.
He heard Seongje mutter something under his breath, but it was too quiet for Sieun to even understand. Just as before, almost, he caught Seongje jerk his body forward slightly, gasping inaudibly, as turned to face Sieun.
" shit we should celebrate-- " Seongje suddenly blurted out, turning his head to face Sieun, a faint grin lined across his face.
Sieun immediately turned his head to face him, a confused look washing over his face, again. The way he kept randomly yelling things out, seeming all "energetic," made Sieun question why he was acting like this. But before he could even take a second to confront him, he watched as Seongje fell back against the couch beside him, leaning his head back.
He caught Seongje close his eyes, tilting his head back against the couch, groaning. And after a few seconds, he saw Seongje tilt his head to face his side, again.
" but no dates or whatever the fuck they call it, " Seongje said as he eyed Sieun, his voice toned slightly with annoyance.
Sieun turned his head a bit to face away from him, turning it slightly to the right of him.
" im not into that cringy shit, " Seongje added, his voice gradually growing more serious.
And just barely, in the corner of his eye, he saw Seongje shift noticeably, seeming as if he had moved closer to Sieun's side.
But turns out he wasn't just seeing things, as he could feel the heat of Seongje's breath hit the side of his face, when he heard him let out a faint laugh. That alone, made a shiver run down his spine, immediately making his breath get caught in his throat.
" i think you already know what im into, right? " Seongje muttered against the side of Sieun's face, barely a whisper.
- - -
Those words hit the side of his face like a heatwave, making his breath hitch in response. He just sat still, too, frozen almost as he didn't even know what to do, how to react. And his body must've betrayed him again, as he felt his stomach sink, almost immediately.
When he saw Seongje, just barely in the corner of his eye, pull back, he exhaled softly, finally relieved that the heat of his breathes weren't repetively hitting his skin every single second.
He watched in awe as he saw Seongje stand up suddenly, muttering something underneath his breath that was too quiet for him to even understand. Based on the way he was moving, the way he was acting as a whole, Sieun assumed that something was definitely, different. So as Seongje walked around the room, grabbing random stuff that he didn't even care to bother about, the words ended up slipping out of Sieun's mouth, again.
" are you drunk? " Sieun called out, pushing himself a bit forward on the couch so that he was sitting up, watching him with his brows furrowed.
But in Seongje's mind, he must've not even processed what Sieun had said, as he continued rummaging through things, walking around the room. Sieun sighed as he just sat there, watching him, waiting for an answer, at least.
And just as he was speaking of "getting drunk," his eyes widened when he caught Seongje suddenly through a glass bottle over to him. Immediately, he cupped his hands against his lap as the bottle fell into them, catching it. He looked down at the bottle, turning it a bit to see what it was---judging by the print, it mustve been some brand of alcohol.
" come on, " he heard Seongje call out in the distance, sounding impatient almost.
Sieun turned his head up to face him, as he saw him hastily throw on one of his baggy jackets over his shoulders, zipping it up hurriedly. He looked back down at the bottle, and then back up at him, not even knowing what to think of the situation. What was Seongje even thinking? Throwing a bottle at him, rambling about how they should "celebrate." He tried to push it aside, as he looked back up at Seongje.
Without a question, he sighed as he stood up holding the bottle in the right hand, walking over to Seongje who was already grabbing his keys off the wall, pulling the door open.
Seongje walked out first, and Sieun followed, still completely confused to what was going on, what they were doing. Almost immediately, a gush of cold wind hit his body hard, making him shiver by the slightest. He turned to look over the railing of the hallway, looking up to see how dark it already was. When he first arrived, he could've sworn that it was light out, the sky seeming to illuminate everything around him. But now, it was completely dark, just a slight hint of blue gradient in the pitch black sky.
Completely lost in his thoughts, he was brought back to reality when he felt Seongje brush his hand up against his shoulder, slipping his arm around the back of his upper body, and tugging him backwards, making Sieun gasp in response. With his arm now draped across his shoulders, he held his arm against Sieun tightly, as he began walking down the hallway all casually, practically forcing Sieun to walk with him.
Sieun tried to adjust a bit so that it didn't feel so uncomfortable, having Seongje's weight against the back of his shoulders.
" where are we going? " Sieun asked blankly in a questioning tone, his brows furrowed as he tried to keep Seongje's pace.
When he felt Seongje tighten his grip against his shoulder, gripping him even tigher than before, Sieun let out a faint grunt, wincing by the slightest.
" you'll see, " Seongje replied under his breath, keeping his gaze focused on the hallway in front of them.
After a few more steps down the stretching hallway, they managed to hit the stairwell.
Almost immediately, Seongje released his grip against him as he slid his arm off across his back, making Sieun exhale. Having to hold his weight against him felt so uncomfortable, so now that he had took his arm off of him, a wave of relief flowed through his body.
Stilling for a few seconds, he caught Seongje immediately start walking hastily up the stairs, practically skipping atleast one step whenever he moved forward. Without a questioning, he followed, walking up the steps beside him.
Not only until after a minute or so of nothing but walking up continues rows of stairs, did he realize how tall his appartment must be. He knew for a fact that it was definitely on the expensive side, judging by the landscaping especially, along with the size of his rooms. But he never noticed how large the building actually was, as they continued speeding passed the flights of stairs.
He wasnt even sure what floor they were on by now, as he kept his gaze locked on the stairs below him, starting to breath somewhat heavily.
" how much farther? " he asked blankly as he continued trailing Seongje, who wasn't even taking a second to pause, as if he could never run out of energy.
Sieun heard him let out a faint laugh in front of him, as he continued hastily walking up the stairs.
" what? you need me to carry you or something? " Seongje said mockingly over his shoulder, smiling, as he still breezed past each step.
He let out an audible sigh as he continued following Seongje, starting to gradually become more and more exhausted as they passed each step.
And surprisingly, after what felt like forever, they managed to finally reach the top of the building, atleast judging by the fact that Seongje finally came to halt. Breathing slightly heavily, he turned his head to the side as he scanned the area---there were hallways trailing both sides of them, with doors spaced out evenly, lined across the walls.
Not only until he saw Seongje step up a bit, did he notice another door, set apart from the others. Judging by it's looks, it must've been an emergency exit, maybe one that leads out onto the rooftop due to the fact that they must've reached the top of the building.
He stood behind him, watching Seongje as he caught him turn around, seeming almost as if he was scanning the area, making sure the hallways were clear.
But turns out that must've been what he had been doing, as he then turned back to face the door, and pulled something small out from behind the sign against the wall, beside it. Sieun furrowed his brows, completely confused by what was going on, what he was doing.
He watched as Seongje leaned down a bit so that his face was directly above the lock that hung below the door handle. And at this point, Sieun immediately realized what he was doing, as he saw him bring the small metal piece up to the lock, and pressed it inside the keyhole.
His eyes widened when Seongje started twisting the thin piece of metal, moving it slowly against the keyhole.
" wh, what are you doing-- " Sieun said hastily, leaning down a bit to face the side of Seongje's face.
He turned his head to the side, scanning the room to make sure no one was coming, to make sure that no one was seeing them. They could get caught, maybe even get arrested for trespassing based on the "Warning" print on the sign beside the door. But to Seongje, apparently none of that even passes by his mind, as he continued picking at the lock hung around the door handle.
" relax, i've done this like a million times, " Seongje said reassuringly over his shoulder, his voice surprisingly calm given the situation they were in.
Sieun sighed frustratedly as his eyes fluttered around the room, waiting for him to hurry up, at least.
He turned his head back to face Seongje when he heard a click sound, piercing through the silence that hung over them. He watched in awe as Seongje slowly stood up, slipping the piece of metal back behind the sign, as he pulled the lock off, shoving it into one of his pockets.
When he finally pulled open the door, turning the knob, a wave of relief rushed through Sieun, as he immediately followed Seongje through the doorway. A cold breeze of air immediately hit him hard, making him shudder slightly at the feeling. He turned around to see Seongje close the door behind them. Almost immediately he walked passed Sieun, noticeably walking towards the edge of the building.
Not only until then, did he realize that they were actually on the rooftop. He looked around, seeing how dark the place was---it was spacious, too, nothing but a flat concrete floor and some random walled off rooms here and there. And unsurpsingly, unlike most buildings, the edges of the rooftop didn't have railings, let alone anything to stop people from the risk of falling.
" you're not afraid of heights right? " he heard Seongje call out from infront of him, immediately making him snap back to reality.
- - -
He stilled for a second, taking a minute to think. To be honest, he wasnt exactly sure whether or not he was---he wasn't really the type of person to have extreme fears regarding their surroundings, but rather towards emotional aspects. So after thinking for a few seconds, he followed after Seongje, walking towards the edge.
" not really, " he said blankly, still taking in his surroundings, memorizing the area around him as he walked towards Seongje.
He stopped when he hit the edge, watching in awe as Seongje pulled himself onto the ledge, and sat literally inches away from the edge of the building. A wave of second thoughts flowed through him, as he placed his hands onto the ledge. Should he really be doing this? Sitting inches away from death, beside him, alone? At this point, though, he couldnt really think of a reason to why he shouldn't be doing it.
So all aside, he pushed himself onto the ledge as he slowly, carefully shifted himself towards the edge, letting his legs fall down against the side of the building.
After keeping his gaze down for so long, making sure he wouldn't suddenly loose his grip and slide off the edge---even though the chances of that are, unlikely---his body shuddered slightly when he felt Seongje's hand brush against the bottom of his chin, slowly tilting his head upwards.
" look, " Seongje said underneath his breath, his face seemingly close to Sieun's.
Once his head was tilted up far enough, his gaze immediately hit the view that stretched in front of them, as his eyes widened by the slightest.
Judging by the view, they must've been pretty high up, as he could practically see the whole city in front of him. Not only that, but since it was pitch dark around them, he could see all the lights shimmering in the distance. The whole thing looked exactly like something you'd see straight out of a movie---too cinematic to even seem real. When he felt Seongje's hand pull back, he slowly tilted his head downwards, immediately revealing how high up they were. Miles down, he could just faintly see the main road, the streetlight dimly illuminating it as cars drove passed.
He felt dizzy for a few seconds at least, until he got used to it, tilting his head back upwards to refrain from looking down. Barely, in the corner of his eye, he caught Seongje place a cigarette in his mouth, holding the lighter up to it as he lit it. He turned his head slightly as he saw him inhale, resting the cigarette between his fingers, and then exhale, as the smoke blew passed them vanishing into the dark.
He had almost forgot that he was still holding the bottle that Seongje had gave him, as he looked down and held it up towards his face.
Almost immediately, he saw Seongje turn his head to face him, exhaling a trail a smoke below them.
" it's good shit, you'll like it " Seongje said beside him, lowering his hand a bit to point at the bottle, before raising it back up to take a drag.
Sieun was slightly dumbfounded by those words. Overall, he didn't even like alcohol, especially since the first experience he had with it. So him hearing Seongje say that he'd like it, made him immediately doubt those chances.
But all aside, though, he decided to atleast try it before completely jumping to conclusions, as he brought his other hand up and screwed the top off.
Without even hesitating, he slowly brought the bottle up to his mouth as he titled it backwards, swallowing a small portion of the liquid. And surprisingly, it actually didn't taste that bad---at least compared to the other ones he's tasted in the past. But even after taking a small sip, he decided not to take anymore, especially in order to avoid getting drunk.
So, he lowered the bottle as he placed it down beside him---but before he could even rest it against the concrete, Seongje said something beside him.
" not gonna drink it? " he said in a questioning tone, underneath his breath as he watched Sieun.
Sieun just nodded slightly, keeping his gaze locked on the view in front of them. However, he immediately turned to face him, though, when he felt him suddenly grab the bottle out of his hands.
" mh, you're loss " Seongje muttered beside him in a mocking tone, a faint smile lined across his face as he shrugged by the slightest.
He watched in awe as Seongje turned away, bringing the bottle up to his mouth as he flicked the top off, making it fall down somewhere below them. And almost immediately, he placed the bottle against his mouth, tilting the entire thing so that the liquid flowed down fast. He didn't even take a second to pause, either; to take a second to catch a breath, as he practically chugged the whole thing down in seconds.
And Sieun just watched, furrowing his brows at how he could even do something like that. He knew for a fact that smoking repetitively was bad enough. But smoking and drinking? That seemed like a death wish, almost.
After swallowing the entire thing, Seongje pulled the bottle back and slammed it down against the ledge beside them, letting out a faint groan. Unsurprisingly, after drinking the whole thing, he then brought his hand that had the cigarette resting in between his fingers up to his mouth, and took a drag, exhaling the smoke out in front of them.
Sieun slowly turned his head back to face the view, still completely mesmerized by all the faint lights that shined in front of them---all the silhouettes of the skyscrapers, the tall buildings that stretched for miles on end.
They sat in silence for at least a minute, Seongje too busy sucking on his cigarette as Sieun just sat still, shivering occasionally due to the cold breeze that kept hitting him.
" woah, " Seongje said suddenly underneath his breath, barely loud enough just for Sieun to hear.
Sieun immediately looked over, turning his head to face Seongje's side. He watched him as he placed the cigarette back into his mouth, taking a drag as he slowly exhaled the smoke out in front of them.
Still confused, he caught Seongje let out a faint laugh, his eyes still focused on the view stretching out infront of them.
" last time we were on a roof we beat the shit out of each other, " he said all casually, a smile lined across his face as he slowly took another drag.
Sieun felt his body still at those words.
And the fact that he wasn't lying, either---the fact that it was entirely true, completely accurate---made it seem so weird. Made him feel so, confused almost.
" yeah, " Sieun said quietly underneath his breath, the word barely slipping out due to how fast his mind was racing.
He remembered it all, remembered it clearly, too ---
the moment he pushed through the door and saw him, standing in the distance in front of his friends ; the moment he saw him walk all casually over towards him, giving him a look that made his insides boil ; the moment he immediately fought back, fighting him like he wouldn't last a second if he didn't stop him immediately.
Drowning in his thoughts, he was brought back to reality when he heard Seongje mutter something beside him, just barely loud enough for him to process it.
" what a fucking pair, huh, "
Seongje said in between a faint laugh, proceeding to take another drag, almost immediately, blowing the smoke out infront of them.
☆
Notes:
Decided to split it up into two chapterss because it's just getting too long lol, but finally a chapter without repetitive smut!! I'm really trying to build on their characters, ot atleast try to make it seem like they don't hate each other lol < 33
The next part will definitely be worth the wait guys, because SOMETHING is going to go down on the roof top let me just tell you
feedback is very appreciated!! i hope that you enjoyy
🫶 🫶
Chapter 16: rooftop ☆
Summary:
♡
Notes:
Omg after like a week ITS DONEE, the amount of blood sweat and tears that went into this is INSANE
I tried to make it as long as possible, and it definitely is SUPER long yall, bcc this is probs the last chapter ill be making in a whilee (school ofc) < 3
I'm not even joking the entire chapter was thought up during my 9 HOUR flight sooo yeah things might be a bit heated!
But anyways, ENJOYYY!!
♡
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
☆
The silence between them stretched for minutes on end---
Sieun watching the faint lights in front of him flicker in awe, as Seongje continued blowing countless amounts of smoke out in front of them, the wind making it vanish in the matter of seconds.
At one point, he didnt even know why he decided to do it, or what made him do it in the first place, but he titled his head up a bit, enough so that he could just barely see the sky above him. And almost immediately, the view hit him hard, as he exhaled.
He's never even seen the sky look so clear before, too, much less than seen this much stars in the sky. Directly above him, the sky was pitch black, not even a slight tint of color. And not only that, but it was covered with faint shimmering lights---tons of tiny stars lined across the sky, some larger than others, differentiating in hue. He stared in awe for at least a minute, maybe even a few seconds at most ,
until he saw Seongje slowly turn his head to face him ; saying something that immediately shifted the air around them, that completely caught him off guard in the matter of seconds.
And it was so random, too---so sudden that he wasn't even sure if he had heard him, correctly.
It was three words, three words said directly to his face :
" can we fuck, "
He said it so casually too, like it was a completely "normal" thing to say, a normal thing to ask.
Sieun's head that was tilted upwards immediately fell down as he turned to face Seongje, whose eyes were unsurprisingly narrowed on him, eyeing him up and down. Judging by the face he was giving him, by the eyes that were staring directly through him, he must've not been joking this time, at least.
He furrowed his brows at Seongje, not even knowing what to say to those three words that came out of his mouth so suddenly. The fact that he casually just asked it out of nowhere, too, only made it seem more, weird. He just assumed it was maybe due to the fact that he was drunk, especially after drinking down an entire bottle of alcohol.
" what? " Sieun said blankly, the words barely slipping out of his mouth due to how confused he was.
He watched as Seongje continued looking at him, his eyes never leaving his.
He waited for an answer, something atleast to clarify that he had heard him correctly---that he'd heard those words. But all he got was stares---glaring eyes locked on him, as his face looked completely unreadable.
His gaze shifted when he saw him lower his hand, and flick the cigarette between his fingers off the edge of the building, falling down below them, never even taking a second to break eye contact.
" yeah, it'll be hot, " Seongje said underneath his breath, barely even a whisper, still eyeing Sieun beside him.
Sieun's eyes fluttered away from him as he turned his head, still dumbfounded by what Seongje was saying.
Only a minute ago, they were sitting in silence, nothing but occasional talks here and there. But now? He didn't even know what to say---what to think, how to respond. Despite confusion, though, he was about to open his mouth, about to think of something to say ---
but before he could even land a word, he was immediately caught off guard when he saw Seongje, in the corner of his eye, suddenly push himself back against the ledge and stand up, tugging Sieun backwards. He almost stumbled at the sudden action, but Seongje held him up as he gripped his wrist tightly, urging him to follow him as they started walking.
Completely dumbfounded, he tried to twist away from his grasp, but any attempt to do so failed, as he kept his grip tight against him.
" wh--- here? " he said hastily, the words coming out as nothing but a breath as he winced at his grip, furrowing his brows at him.
Instead of getting a response, though, Seongje just kept tugging him along with him, pulling him by the wrist as he walked across the concrete roof.
Judging by his silence and the fact that he continued walking without even taking a second to process what Sieun was saying, there wasn't any point of asking that question, in the first place. He let out a frustrated sigh, still trying to pry his grip away
" can't we-- can we atleast go to your room? " Sieun protested, trying to keep his balance as Seongje pulled him along with him.
He looked up at Seongje once they came to a halt. For some reason, he seemed to be scanning the area around them---looking for something---as he craned his head to the sides.
" can't wait that long, " Seongje said underneath his breath, barely even a whisper, as he started walking again.
Sieun sighed, as Seongje continued pulling him by the wrist, walking across concrete floor that lined the roof top. Were they really about to do this? Do something like this, on the top of a roof, out in the open. Sieun's mind was spiralling, not even knowing what to think of the of the situation---not even knowing where to begin, where to start.
But then it hit him---hit him so hard that he almost stumbled as he tried to stop, but was forced to keep walking due to Seongje's tight grasp. The door was practically open now, too---the only thing keeping it locked was now directly in Seongje's pocket, at least somewhere there. Someone could walk through, push the door open. Someone could see them, turn the corner and immediately---but he didn't want to jump to conclusions, as didn't even know if Seongje was being serious, yet.
" wh-- what if someone comes up here? " he said hurriedly, trying to get Seongje to understand the seriousness of it.
But just as always, he didn't even take a second to let that get in his way, as he continued tugging Sieun along with him.
" trust me no one even knows about this place apart from me, " Seongje immediately replied over his shoulder, his voice seemingly growing more impatient.
- - -
After a few seconds of nothing but being pulled tightly by the wrist, they finally managed to turn the corner of a wall---one of the walled off rooms that Sieun noticed when he first stepped onto the rooftop. Due to how dark it was, he could barely even make out his surroundings, too, as he squinted his eyes at the sight.
Seongje dragged him around the corner, and as soon as they were in front of the wall, he aggressively shoved him against it, making him grunt at the impact---especially given that it was a concrete wall.
He opened his mouth, about to say something, to get a word out ---
but before he could even take a second to protest, Seongje immediately tightened the space between them as their mouths clashed. His breath was swallowed, as Seongje restlessly kissed him, pressing his mouth against his, firmly. He closed his eyes tightly, still not even knowing what to think of the situation, as he felt Seongje slip his hand behind his neck, pulling him closer.
His body shuddered when he felt him right against him, his chest right against his, so close that they were practically brushing up against each other. And not only could he feel the grip tightening on the back of his neck---he could feel his hand slipping underneath the hem of his shirt, running along his side, gripping the side of his chest tightly as he pressed him firmly against the wall.
And he was going rough, too---so fast that he couldn't even keep up. It got to a point where he had to raise his arm and place it against Seongje's chest, pressing down on his jacket, urging him to atleast pull back slightly.
But after just a few more seconds of suffocating, he gasped audibly when Seongje suddenly pulled back, just enough so that their foreheads were pressed against each other ---
so that they could both feel the heat of their breathes against one another.
He tilted his head down a bit when he felt Seongje begin hastily lifting up his hoodie, pulling it up towards his chest. He paused for a few seconds as he breathed heavily. His eyes were fixated below him---on Seongje's hands, holding the hem of his hoodie, waiting for Sieun to allow him to take it off.
His breathes were coming out as ragged exhales, as he tilted his head up enough, moved back enough, so that he could see him. And when their eyes locked, it said everything---said it clearly ; so clear that Sieun's breath almost got caught in his throat.
Without a thought, he immediately allowed him to do so, as he lifted his arms and let Seongje pull it over his head, hurriedly. He watched as Seongje threw it over to the side, landing somewhere beside them, against the concrete floor.
Breathing heavily, his entire body shuddered when he felt Seongje place his hand against his shoulder, pushing him down roughly, to the point where sent a wave of pain shot through his upper body. He immediately fell to the floor, almost stumbling as he steadied himself on his knees, letting out a grunt at the sudden action.
However, he immediately looked up when he heard a metal click, the sound of a belt.
His eyes widened as he saw Seongje already undoing his belt, hastily unzipping his pants, right infront of his face. And in the matter of seconds, his breath got caught in his throat when he saw his length directly in front of his mouth, practically grazing against his lips.
He felt his stomach sink when he felt a gush of wind hit him, immediately reminding him that they were in the open, literally only hiding behind a wall. But despite the wall being the only thing shielding them, he knew for a fact that there must've been other ways that people could see them---maybe from looking out the window of a nearby building, maybe even from the view of another neighboring rooftop.
His breath growing more heavy in the matter of seconds, he tried to atleast, get a few words out---but any attempt to protest immediately failed.
" wait, seon-- " Sieun began, looking wearily up at him, not knowing what to think, not knowing how to react ad everything was happening too quickly.
But before he could even say a sentence, before he could even say his name ---
Seongje gripped his head tightly and shoved him forward, almost making him gag at the sudden action. His mouth was now noticeably at least halfway through, though it felt way more than halfway to Sieun. He closed his eyes tightly at the feeling, trying his relax his mouth despite how uncomfortable it felt.
He reopened his eyes, squinting almost, to see Seongje staring down at him, a faint grin lined across his face. He caught him tilt his head a bit, leaning down a bit closer towards him.
" what was that? couldn't hear you, " Seongje said mockingly, tilting his head by the slightest as he stared down at Sieun.
He watched as Seongje leaned back up, standing straight as he held his other hand against the wall in front of him, steadying himself.
However, he immediately closed his eyes, raising one of his hands up to grip Seongje's pants, as he felt him push his head forward slightly, deep enough for Sieun to tense. His grip tightened against the fabric of his pants when he felt Seongje start pulling his head back, and pushing it forward, his grip noticeably getting tighter against Sieun's hair.
After a few more movements, he managed to relax his mouth a bit, barely enough so that the feeling wasn't so uncomfortable ; so that his throat didn't feel like it was being strained every few seconds.
Not only until a few seconds passed, a few seconds of being pushed and pulled---a few seconds of listening to nothing but Seongje's grunts, nothing but wet slicks ---
did his mind completely flip.
He couldn't even describe the feeling too, couldn't even begin to admit the things that, he, made him feel. And it was so confusing, too, how just him---nothing but him---could make him feel like this; could make his mind go blank in the matter of seconds. He initially didn't even plan on doing something like this, much less doing this, specifically, on a roof, practically in public.
But at this point, he was too occupied, too busy to even take a second to care anymore about their surroundings, about what they were doing.
He could feel his body gradually starting to ache, as he continued letting Seongje shove his head back and forth, keeping a pace. So without any hesitation---which made it seem, unreal, in the first place---he tilted his head up slightly, reopening his eyes as he looked up at Seongje ,
his eyes turning into something more desperate , more pleading.
He watched in awe as Seongje breathed heavily above him, letting out faint groans every second or so.
And not only until he looked down, did their eyes lock.
And in response, Seongje let out a faint groan, his grip tightening against Sieun's head, his fingers running through his hair.
" yeah, keep looking at me like that, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, in between heavy exhales.
And he did---kept his eyes locked on him, not even breaking contact.
Every second that passed, his grip seemed to gradually push him deeper, shoving his head forward to the point where he was moaning against him, growing more and more desperate. His mind was too clouded, too fogged up by Seongje above him that he didn't even take a second to think about what he was doing---about that they were doing, like he initially would've.
And it didn't even take him a second, didn't even register through his mind, when he lowered one of his hands and placed it against his crotch, moving it up and down firmly against the fabric of his pants. He closed his eyes at the feeling, only a few seconds after he began moving his hand---it felt so good, and it hurt so bad to admit it.
Only after a few more firm movements, a few more tugs against his hair, did Seongje finally pull back, dragging his head backwards as his mouth slid out of him. His hand that was pressing against himself immediately fell down beside him, as he gasped for air. Saliva was dripping down the sides of his mouth, his lips glistening wet, as he looked up at him, chest heaving back and forth.
In the matter of seconds, he just barely caught Seongje lean down---close enough so that he was towering over him---and hastily slip his hand around the back of his neck, gripping him tightly as he suddenly pulled him upwards. Sieun winced as he immediately was pulled up by him, almost stumbling due to how weak his lower body felt.
Now pressed against the wall, his breathes were shallow and ragged as he locked eyes with Seongje, just inches away from his face, breathing heavily as if he'd just ran a marathon. He shuddered when he felt Seongje's grip on the back of his neck tightened, his finger practically digging into his skin.
And the look---the look that Seongje was giving him ; it made his insides sink, his body grow hot in the matter of seconds.
He watched, breathing heavily, as Seongje leaned in closer---so close that he could feel the heat of each of his breathes---eyeing him up and down, his eyes narrowed on him, completely.
" fuck, you that desperate, huh? " Seongje muttered in between heavy breathes, his gaze fixated on Sieun.
His chest was pounding, his body heating up as he stood there, back against the wall. Each of his breathes came out as shaky exhales---one, due to how cold it seemed, and two, due to the ache in his lower body.
He stilled when he caught Seongje lean in even closer --- close enough so that his lips were barely grazing against the side of his face, immediately making him shudder.
" that fucking desperate you had to touch yourself, " Seongje muttered against the side of his face, his voice growing more demanding, barely even a whisper.
When he heard those words, his eyes fluttered away from his side, tilting his head slightly to the side, as if it could make him feel any better.
Hearing him admit it, too, hit him hard---hearing him say it, say it directly beside him, against him. He wanted to just forget that he even did such a thing ; erase it from his head, especially knowing that Seongje saw it with his own eyes.
He grunted inaubily when he felt his grip tighten. At this point, he could feel the nails digging into his skin, into the back of his neck. And it didn't help that he could now feel his lips---practically his entire mouth---right against the skin along his neck, each breath hitting him like a heatwave.
" c'mon sieun, you know that'll only make me fucking insane, " Seongje said underneath his breath, directly against the side of his neck, the words barely coming out as an exhale.
And he just stood there, still, chest heaving back and forth as he breathed raggedly.
He let out an audible exhale, closing his eyes for a brief second, when he felt Seongje release his painful grip against the back of his neck. He knew that there would definitely, without a question, be a mark left there.
But even after just a few seconds, he immediately shuddered when he felt Seongje press his hand firmly against his crotch---against the fabric of his pants, sliding his hand against it, gripping. He could feel his touch shifting, messing with the waistband, running his fingers along the zipper.
It was one word, too.
One word said directly into his ear, whispered directly beside him. And that was all it took---all it took for him to break, to fall apart in the matter of seconds.
He gasped inaudibly when he felt his warm lips brush up against his ear, his shallow breathes making his mind go blurry.
" strip, " Seongje whispered, directly into his ear, his voice barely even a breath.
After that word, his mind went blank, completely. He just stilled, frozen, as he continued letting out shaky exhales, ragged breathes as his chest rose back and forth.
A few seconds passed, at least, when he finally came back to reality, as he saw Seongje slowly lean back. He was still close enough to break the tension between them, to tighten the space---but the tension seemed to be growing dangerously by the second, as Sieun kept his gaze fixated below him.
He slowly rose his eyes to face him, as their eyes immediately locked. He only looked at him for a second, atleast, before returning his gaze below him---his eyes were narrowed on him, his lips slightly parted, eyeing him, waiting. And after that look---after seeing his eyes, the desperation, the anticipation lying beneath them---it didn't even take him a second to comply.
Breathing heavily, he brought his hands up to the top of his pants as he began hastily taking them off---pulling the zipper down, shoving the pants downwards, pushing them off to the side. However, as he hooked his fingers around his boxers, his mind immediately shot him in the chest.
His eyes were fixated on the floor, as his mind began racing---thinking about what they were about to do, out in the open, where the chances of people seeing them are higher than ever. He tilted his head up to face straight, as he pivoted his head to the sides, hurriedly scanning the area, as if it could help.
But before he could even turn his head to the side to see the other way, to see if anyone was nearby, in the vicinity, he shuddered when he felt Seongje grip the side of his face, making him face him.
" focus on me, " he said underneath his breath, eyes narrowed on Sieun, his voice growing more shallower.
Sieun let out an exhale, as he wearily looked at Seongje, eyes fluttering around him. He swallowed, when he saw the way he was looking at him, how his eyes were piercing right through him.
With one last look, and one last frustrated exhale, he pivoted his head downwards as he slowly pulled down the remaining piece of clothing---the only thing covering him, besides his shirt. He pulled them beneath his lower body, shoving them off to the side, as he slowly tilted his head back up to face Seongje.
He stared, for a few seconds at least---nothing but exchanged looks, eyeing eachother.
But in the matter of seconds, he was immediately caught off guard when Seongje lowered his arms to grab his hands, placing them on his shoulders.
Furrowing his brows, he immediately gasped in shock when he saw Seongje lean down slightly, hooking both of his hands behind his legs, and pulling him upwards so that he was practically "holding him," sitting in his grasp. He grunted when he was pushed back against the wall, now slipping his hands behind Seongje's upper body to keep him from sliding down. But based off of his strength, at least, Seongje was definitely capable of holding someone like him up, against wall.
He was completely dumbfounded, as he was now pressed back against the wall, above the ground---the only thing keeping him stable was Seongje's grip against his lower body, at least.
However, confusion was immediately overcome by realization, when he felt Seongje release his grip on one of his legs, pulling his hand back to grip his length. His eyes widened by the slightest when he saw Seongje lean in a bit closer, pushing him firmer against the wall.
He watched in awe, his eyes fixated below him, as he saw him move closer, slowly inching his way near him. But before he could even watch, before he could even take a second to brace himself, Seonge leaned in so tightly, that his entire body was practically pressed against his, his jacket immediately spreading a wave of warmth through his upper body.
He could feel his breath catching against the side of his neck, his head just beside his. And in the matter of seconds, he saw his lower body move by the slightest---his waist pushing forward, slowly.
His entire lower body---maybe even his whole body, depending how you looked at it---shuddered in shock when he felt it ; when he felt him slowly push inside him. Almost immediately, that dragged out a loud noise from his throat, as he dug his fingers into Seongje's jacket, gripping tightly.
He closed his eyes tightly at the feeling. For some reason, it felt so --- he couldn't even find the right words, given how cloudy his mind was. It was like his body was amplifying the feeling, multiplying it by a scale of ten, making it feel so much more stronger than it should be.
He was now, noticeably, trembling under Seongje's grasp, his legs shuddering at the feeling. His breathes were ragged, each one coming out as a loud, shaky exhale.
" shit-- " Seongje said underneath his breath between a faint groan, his head just beside the side of Sieun's neck.
He shut his eyes tight, chest heaving back and forth as Seongje kept him grounded, holding him up against the wall.
" your so fucking tight, " Seongje muttered beside him, barely a breath against his neck.
His body shuddered slightly when he felt him slip his hand underneath the hem of his shirt, running it onto his waist, and gripping him tightly, yet soft.
He exhaled at the feeling, as he continued letting out ragged breathes, his lower body noticeably starting to gradually ache.
And the thing was, he wasn't even halfway, too---wasn't even close, as he held himself still, inside of him. But for him, there was no question whether or not it felt more than halfway, as he tensed at the feeling, closing his eyes tightly, digging his fingers into Seongje's jacket.
" sieun, " Seongje said quietly beside his face, the word coming out as nothing but a breath I'm between his heavy exhales.
" try to relax for me, " he continued, his voice growing more shallower, as he muttered the words against the side of Sieun's face.
But relaxing was way out of the picture, as he felt himself doing the exact opposite.
He kept his eyes closed tightly, occasionally reopening them every few seconds or so, as his lower body shuddering below Seongje. However, he immediately gasped inaudibly when he felt Seongje pull back slightly, and press his lips down against the side of his neck, sucking softly for a few seconds at least.
He closed his eyes when he felt the hand resting against his waist, slowly trail upwards against his skin, running along his chest. He could feel him pressing firmly against his nipple, rubbing his thumb in circular motions, slowly, as he gripped the side of his chest.
That alone, atleast managed to help his body still a bit, as his breath became less ragged. He tilted his head back against the wall, grip tighting against the top of his jacket, closing his eyes.
But after a few seconds, though---a few seconds of nothing but sucking and pressing---his lower body jerked in shock when he felt him move. It was without a warning too, giving him no sign whatever, as he continued sucking softly alongside his neck, pressing his finger against him, firmly.
His legs shuddered underneath his grasp when he felt him, slowly, push forwards, pushing himself into him.
And he didn't stop, too---didn't even stop when he was halfway. He titled his head back against the wall, letting out a loud noise as he closed his eyes tightly, when he felt him press against that area inside of him---that area that was so far up, so deep that it made his vision go blank for a few seconds.
" that's it, " Seongje muttered against the side of his neck, in between a faint groan, as he slowly pushed forward.
He was breathing heavily, each breath coming out as a ragged, shaky exhale, as he felt Seongje still, coming to a halt, inside of him. And there was no doubt, no question, whether or not he was deep at this point. He could practically feel his waist pressed tightly against his, the space between them entirely gone.
Any small movement---any twitch, any shift---Sieun could feel it, feel it in the matter of seconds, as it exploded throughout his entire body.
A loud noise mamaged to get dragged out of his throat when he felt him shift slightly back, enough so that his face was beside his, his lips brushing up against the skin alongside his face.
It was a slight shift, too---barely even noticeable. But of course, Sieun managed to notice it, as he closed his eyes tightly, digging his nails into his jacket. It didn't help that he could still feel him just barely, pressing against that area, brushing up against it everytime he inhaled, everytime he exhaled.
He shuddered by the slightest, when he heard his voice directly against him.
" feel that? " Seongje said underneath his breath, his lips pressed against the side of Sieun's face, his voice growing more demanding.
He didn't even know how it was still possible, but he felt him push himself slightly deeper --- deep enough to make his eyes shut tightly, his head rolling backwards against the wall as he tightened his grip against his jacket. That managed to drag a ragged moan out of his throat, as his chest heaved back and forth, breathing heavily.
" feel how fucking hard i am sieun, " he muttered against him, underneath his breath, as he breathed raggedly against the side of his face.
That wasn't even a question.
He could feel everything---feel every inch of it, feel all of it, directly. At this point, his body was trembling, shaking each second he felt Seongje's lower body move an inch.
" all because of you, " he said underneath his breath, directly against the side of his face, barely even coming out as a breath.
His mind wasn't even with him---it was entirely blank, completely clouded up by Seongje that he wasn't even listening to him, to what he was saying against him. The only thing he could focus on, though, was the feeling.
And when he felt him shift---shift just enough to push even deeper ; just enough so that he was pressing against him , against that area ---
it was too much, too much for him to even handle, in the first place. He felt like he was about to explode any second, like he was on the verge of breaking, collapsing to the floor.
So despite how foggy his mind felt, despite how weak his entire body was, he managed to get a few words out :
" seongj--- i-- i can't, it's t-- " he said hastily in between ragged breathes, the words barely even slipping out of his mouth.
A wave of relief attacked his body when he felt him pull back slightly, just enough so that he wasn't pressing, hard, against him. He let out a slight moan at the feeling, panting back and forth.
His eyes fluttered towards Seongje's, as his face was now directly in front of him.
" but you like it deep, don't you? " Seongje muttered beside his face, leaning slightly forward.
He immediately felt it again---felt him pressing against that area. He shut his eyes tightly, panting heavily like a dog, as his body jolted backwards, trying to atleast lessen the feeling.
But any attempt to move, to shift by the slightest, only made it worse, as he could feel every movement reverberate throughout his entire body.
" love it it when i shove every inch of my dick inside you, hm? " he said directly against his face, his voice growing more ragged by the second.
His mind wasn't even processing a thing that he was saying. He was just waiting, praying that he would pull back, that he would stop pressing against the area, pushing against it whenever he exhaled.
A few words managed to slip out of his mouth, barely.
" n-- no, pl-- please i-- " he said hurriedly, shaking his head by the slightest, the words coming out as nothing but a ragged breath.
He gasped audibly, his lower body shuddering, when he felt him pull back slightly, enough so that he was continuesly resting against that area. He was breathing heavily, each breath coming out as a shaky exhale, when Seongje leaned in slightly---close enough so that their lips were pressed against one another, brushing up against each other.
" relax, " Seongje muttered softly against his lips, his voice growing more shallow.
He was about to breath, about to gasp for air, but he was immediately cut off as Seongje firmly pressed his lips down against his.
In the matter of seconds, he began kissing him---not rough, though, not even fast. But deep, slow enough so that it felt real ; so that Sieun immediately melted into it. His hands that were restlessly gripping his jacket---holding on so tight like it was the only thing that could keep him alive---slid onto the back of his neck, pulling him closer without a thought.
However, he immediately pulled back, tilting his head back slightly, when he felt him move---when he felt him drag himself slowly backwards, and push forwards, shoving himself into him.
That dragged a loud noise out of his throat, as his grip tightened against the back of his neck, his fingers practically digging into his skin. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, panting heavily, until he heard his voice, right in front of him.
" sieun, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, nothing more than an exhale over his heavy breathes.
He tilted his head down slightly, just enough so that he could see the eyes locked directly on him. He could see his gaze shifting, as he looked at him, eyes narrowed, then fluttering his eyes to face downwards, staring at his lips. It was like he was waiting, waiting for something---waiting for him to do something.
When he caught his eyes shift back onto his, staring deeply through him, lips parted---it didn't even take him a second to process what he was asking, what he was waiting for.
So despite how fuzzy his mind felt---despite how bad his body ached---he managed to get the strength to pull him forward, tug him slightly by the back of his neck as their mouths clashed in the matter of seconds.
Without a thought, he kissed him. Sieun kissed him---pulled him forward, barely even taking a second to process what he was about to do. He pressed his lips against his, slowly, yet roughly moving his mouth against his, desperation taking over him.
And Seongje, who must've been waiting for that, immediately melted into it, kissing back without a second thought---though, he wouldn't of had any second thoughts, either way.
When his body started moving, he immediately moaned into his mouth, not even pulling back at this point. His grip tightened harshly against the back of his neck---so harsh that Seongje grunted at the feeling, jerking back slightly---when he felt his waist begin to move ; dragging himself back slowly, pushing himself forward, continuesly, at a pace.
The pace was slow---slow but deep, which made it feel so---he couldn't even describe it. It was enough to drag a loud noise of out Sieun whenever he pushed himself forward, whenever he brushed up against that spot. And unlike how it felt when he was staying still, practically resting himself inside of him---this felt different, completely different than whatever that was. Just a few slow thrusts, and he felt his entire body grow weak in the matter of seconds, his vision going slightly blurry whenever he rolled his hips forward.
He continued pulling him forward, keeping his grip tight against the back of his neck as their mouths clashed restlessly, practically devouring one another. His noises were muffled, but still noticeably loud, as he moaned into his mouth, each second he felt him drag himself forward.
And after what seemed like forever, what felt like suffocation at it's finest, Seongje finally pulled back slightly, enough so that they were still close, their foreheads pressed against one another as they panted heavily. He immediately tilted his head backwards against the wall behind them, closing his eyes tightly at the feeling. At this point, there was no denying that it felt good. What he felt before---that was like torture, teasing movements that made him feel as if he were about to burst. But this? It sent a shockwave throughout his entire body, making his legs tremble whenever he felt him push himself forward.
He gasped inaudibly between ragged breathes when he felt Seongje shift, pressing his mouth down against the side of his neck---running his warm tongue against his skin, sucking down, and repeating, all over. He could just barely feel his grip tighten against his waist, as well, his fingers pressing into his side.
Without a thought, he slid one of the hands that was gripping the back of his neck, onto the back of Seongje's head, digging his fingers into his hair as he pushed him forward, desperately. The warmth of his tongue, of his lips, attacked his body like a heatwave, making his shudder at the feeling. But all aside, he wanted more---wanted him to press his wet lips down against him, to suck on his skin, to run his soft tongue along him.
And that's exactly what he did---without even taking a second to react to Sieun's sudden actions.
At this point, his entire body was shaking---his eyes shut tight, his head tilted backwards, his grip trembling against Seongje. He was completely lost in the feeling that was exploding inside of him, dragging out a loud noise out of his throat, each and every second, as he panted back and forth.
However, he immediately gasped when he felt Seongje pull back slightly, just enough so that his lips were brushing against the side of his neck, each breath hitting him hard.
" try to keep it down a bit, " Seongje said suddenly, underneath his breath as he muttered the words against Sieun's skin, barely coming out as a ragged breath.
He shuddered at those words ---
one, because hearing his voice suddenly made his stomach sink, and two, because hearing those words, hearing them directly beside him, immediately reminded him that they were out in the open, practically in public.
" don't want the neighbors hearing how fucking good you sound, " he continued, his voice growing more ragged as he continued moving, shoving himself forward.
His eyes that were originally shut immediately opened wide, when he heard him.
Despite how clouded up his mind was, he managed to barely process it. He immediately shut his mouth, trying to conceal any of his noises, as he leaned his head down against Seongje's shoulder, shoving his mouth against his jacket as his noises became more muffled by the second.
But before he could even take a second to try and do so, he opened his eyes, gasping inaudibly at the sudden action, when he felt Seongje come to a halt, his movements slowing.
" i still need to hear you, " Seongje muttered directly against the side of his face, barely even a whisper over his heavy breathes.
He exhaled frustratedly at those words, as he kept his head rested against his shoulder, his mouth covered by the thick fabric of his jacket. Without a question, he slowly tilted his head back up, leaning it back against the wall.
It proved hard, trying to conceal his noises, or at least trying to lower the volume. He bit down on the bottom of his lip occasionally, but seconds after he'd do so, his lips would part again, uncontrollably whenever he felt Seongje shove himself forward.
His grip against Seongje's hair, against the back of his neck, immediately tightened when he just barely, felt his movements speed up by the slightest. It was barely noticeable, too---he wouldn't of even noticed it in the first place. But since he; since he was directly inside of him, any sudden shift was more than noticeable. He closed his eyes tightly, tilting his head upwards at the feeling, as he breathed heavily, letting out ragged moans consistently.
And Seongje---who was right beside him, his mouth practically pressing against the side of his neck---was filling his mind was nothing but fog, nothing but haze. He could hear him, feel the heat of his ragged breathes, of his faint groans---right beside him, against his skin.
They were pressed so tightly, so firmly against one another, that Sieun could feel the heat from him radiate directly onto his body, making it feel as if his entire body was overheating ; growing hotter each and every second. But despite the grueling heat, though, his body didn't even take a second to react, didn't even urge him to move away, to pull back, as he was completely lost in the feeling, his head growing blurrier each and every time Seongje dragged himself back, and pushed his waist forwards.
However, in the matter of seconds, his mind that was previously so foggy to even process his surroundings, immediately came back to him, when he heard it.
The loud sound of a door swinging open.
The creaking of a door --- the metal bang that sounded once it was swung open far enough, to collide with the concrete wall.
- - -
It was loud, too---loud enough to pierce through the silence that hung over them, to break through their heavy breathes, their ragged moans.
And almost immediately, his mind came straight back to him, hitting him hard in the chest, as his eyes grew wide. An audible gasp slipped out of his mouth, as he breathed heavily, chest heaving back and forth.
He felt Seongje pull back slightly, just enough so that he was facing him, as the feeling immediately reverberated throughout his entire body, despite how small the shift was. A noise was about to slip out of his mouth ---
but he was immediately cut off when Seongje slid one of his hands onto his mouth, pressing his hand down against him firmly. That managed to muffle him, as each of his ragged breathes came out slightly muffled. His hand that was gripping his hair slid off, resting behind his back, gripping the top of his jacket.
He shut his eyes tightly when he felt him shift again, so slightly, yet it felt so strong.
" be quiet, " Seongje muttered quietly in front of him, barely even a whisper over his heavy breathes.
Be quiet? How was he supposed to even try, to even try to do that. He was practically waist deep inside of him, sending a shockwave through his body whenever he felt him move by slightest---whenever he felt him breath ; inhale, exhale.
But despite it, he managed to keep his mouth shut tightly as Seongje's hand pressed down against him, muffling anything that tried to escape. His stomach sank when he heard voices---loud voices seeming as if they were getting closer, as if they were just behind the corner.
However, his eyes fluttered open and closed, when he felt Seongje shift, leaning slightly over to the right of him. He tensed at the feeling, as he watched him slowly lean over just enough to see past the edge of the wall, his face slowly peaking out of the corner.
In a split second, he saw him immediately pull back, muttering a curse underneath his breath as he leaned back to face him.
" shit-- " he muttered hurriedly, immediately pulling back.
When he pulled his hand off of his mouth, he gasped, breathing heavily. His body jerked back in shock when he felt him drag himself backwards, pulling himself out of him, almost dragging a loud noise out of his throat until he managed to place one of his hands against his mouth.
He shuddered when Seongje suddenly lifted him down, leaning down enough to let his legs fall to the floor. It was all happening so fast, too---so fast that he could barely keep up, barely take a second to breath.
He slid his hand off of his mouth, breathing raggedly, as he steadied himself by placing one of his hands behind him, against the wall. His gaze caught Seongje turn his head to the side, facing towards the left of them, as if he were hurriedly searching for something.
" go behind that wall over there, " he heard him say hastily, underneath his breath, as he caught him already pulling him pants up, tugging the zipper tightly.
Sieun immediately looked up to see where he was facing, turned his head, and pushed himself off the wall without a question. However, he almost stumbled the second he moved forward, as his lower body felt seemingly weak. Despite it, though, he managed to walk hastily over towards the wall he must've been talking about, and turn the corner, practically limping the entire way.
As soon as he turned the wall, he immediately fell to the floor as his legs gave out on him, leaning his back against the concrete wall as he breathed heavily.
And not only, did his lower body ache harshly---but given that he was only wearing one piece of clothing, he was freezing, shivering each time he felt the ice cold gush of wind hit him. He brought one of his hands up to his mouth as soon as he heard a voice, numerous voices, coming from right behind him.
The voices were faint, but barely loud enough to process it. He closed his eyes tightly as he listened, his body shuddering by the slightest.
▪︎
" woah, what the hell are you doing here? " he heard one of the voices say, an unfamiliar one.
He heard murmurrs, probably whispers toward one another, given that there were atleast two people judging by the clamoring in the distance.
" i was about to ask you the same, " he heard another voice say faintly, this time sounding more familiar.
He heard a slight scoff, faintly.
" we came up here to have some drinks, get drunk, all that fucking shit, " one of the other voices said, sounding more mocking, in a way.
Judging by the sound of their voices, at least, they must've been teenagers---random guys who just happened to appear at the wrong place, the wrong time.
He heard a faint laugh, one of those mocking laughs that barely last a second, underneath a breath. It didn't even take him a second to figure out who it came from, too.
" hm, how about you guys go drink somewhere else, " he heard Seongje say sternly, with a tone that sounded critical, almost.
" im sure there's plenty of shitty bars that would suit you two, " he heard him add, his voice turning more impatient, more urging.
Almost immediately, he heard faint snickers, audible laughs piercing through the silence in the distance. They sounded forced, too.
" you telling us to fucking leave or something? " he heard one of the voices say, sounding more irritated, growing louder.
" you think you're all high and mighty or some shit? " another voice called out, growing more infuriated by the second.
He heard one of the voices let out a frustrated sigh, sounding mocking in a way, toned with impatience. He managed to figure out who it came from, immediately.
" im serious, " he heard Seongje say slowly, sternly underneath his breath.
" get the fuck out of here " he added, his voice growing more serious, more irritated by the second.
And almost immediately, the loud sound of snickering laughter pierced through the silence again, as he heard the two voices burst out laughing, noticeably in a mocking way.
" this is bullshit--- what're you gonna do huh? gonna kick us out like a fucking landlord? " one of the voices called out, toned with annoyance, as it grew louder.
He blinked when a few seconds of silence passed by, nothing but his muffled breathes, and the sound of the wind whistling passed his ear.
Until suddenly, he heard a sharp cry, a loud grunt that sounded throughout the entire rooftop. He heard a thud, too---something sounding like it was thrown against concrete. After those few seconds, he heard nothing but groans, faint winces in the distance.
" you still think i'm fucking joking? " he suddenly heard Seongje says sternly, his voice sounding as if it were filled with annoyance.
And after that, it surprisingly went silent, as he could just barely hear faint footsteps trailing away, disspearing into the distance that stretched behind him.
A wave of relief attacked his body, flowing through him, when he heard the door creak. He heard the sound of it shutting, as he heard a loud thud---the sound of metal hitting concrete. He closed his eyes, his hand that was pressing firmly against his mouth falling down beside him, as he let out shaky breathes, shivering by the slightest.
However, his eyes opened slowly when he heard Seongje's voice, slightly muffled as he sat against the concrete wall.
" you can come out now, " he heard him call out in the distance, his voice surprisingly sounding less irritated, despite how it sounded just a few seconds ago.
▪︎
The cold gush of wind hitting against his body never seemed to stop, as he shivered each second, now wrapping both his arms around his sides of his shirt to atleast try and keep warm.
He managed to place one of his hands that was wrapped around his side against the back of the wall, slowly pushing himself up. Now standing, he brought both of his arms to wrap around his sides as his body shuddered, shivering at the feeling. He slowly began walking, each step sending a surge throughout his lower body, as he turned the corner of the wall.
He kept his gaze fixated on the floor as he walked over, limping almost. However, after a few steps, he immediately tilted his head upwards when he heard him.
Furrowing his brows by the slightest, he seemed to be, laughing? All of a sudden, he just burst out laughing, his head falling down as his arm rested against the wall. It didn't really sound genuine, too---more like a laugh someone does when they've just escaped something, when they mamaged to survive a life or death situation.
Now only inches away from him, he stood still, shivering, as he watched him in awe.
" holy shit-- " Seongje suddenly blurted out, in between his faint laughs.
He caught him lift his head back up, still facing towards the ground slightly as he continued snickering, holding his arm against the wall.
" you should've seen you're fucking face-- " he continued, looking up at Sieun as his head fell down again, laughing like it was the most funniest thing in the world.
Sieun stood still, freezing half to death as he watched him. How could he even be laughing in this situation? How could he think, something like this, was funny? Given that it was Seongje, though, he wouldn't be surprised.
But all aside, his mind was racing as he stared at Seongje, in front of him. They could've been seen, could've been caught in the matter of seconds. If he wasn't quick enough, they would've seen him---seen them, behind the wall. His stomach dropped just thinking about it, as he breathed heavily, shivering constantly.
He looked over at Seongje, who to his surprise, still seemed to be laughing his lungs out.
" wh-- why are you-- " he said hastily, in a questioning tone, obviously annoyed by how he was acting given the gravity of the situation.
His eyes caught him finally stand up straight---not leaning over, his head falling down as he laughed, continuesly. However, when their eyes locked, his face seemed to, change, for a few seconds---his smile fading by the slightest. He caught him eyeing him up and down, as if he was scanning him, examining him.
" shit-- here, " Seongje suddenly blurted out underneath his breath, his face almost seemingly filled with, worry.
All in an instant, he randomly brought his hands up to his zipper, tilting his head down as he hastily pulled the zipper down, shoving the jacket off of his sides.
Sieun watched in awe as he walked over, stopping just enough so that he was towering over him by the slightest. He shuddered when he felt him place his hand on his arm, urging him to move his arm away from his side. He looked down, furrowing his brows, but decided to comply as he stretched his arm out, shivering by the slightest. Immediately, Seongje slid one of the sleeves onto his arm, throwing the rest of the jacket behind his back as he grabbed the other arm. He hastily brought the remaining sleeve up to his arm, and pulled it onto him, pulling the zipper up to the top.
He exhaled at the feeling---of finally not feeling the continuous gusts of wind against his upper body, of not freezing to death every second that passed.
His eyes caught Seongje step back a bit, tilting his head with a faint smile as he eyed him up and down.
" looks good on you, " he muttered underneath his breath, eyeing Sieun with a slight grin.
After a few seconds, he suddenly stepped forward, close enough so that his face was brushing up against the side of his. He stilled when he felt the heat of his breath catch against the side of his face.
" don't worry, i'll keep you warm, " Seongje said slowly against his side, underneath his breath, a faint smile lined across his face.
He looked back up at him once he stood back, watching as he eyed him up and down with a barely noticeable grin.
However, he shuddered by the slightest when he felt him slip his hand behind his shoulder, pushing against his back firmly as he turned around, and began walking towards the concrete wall, urging Sieun to follow. He winced at each step they took, as the ache in his lower body only seemed to grow worse as time passed.
But luckily, since the wall was directly to they're left, it didn't even take them a few seconds to reach it, as Seongje turned around to face him, pushing him firmly against the wall. Compared to last time, this wasn't even a shove---nothing along the lines of aggressive, of rough. Just a soft push, pressing down against his shoulders as he pressed him back against the wall.
They were close enough so that the space between them barely remained, only a small section of air dividing them. His eyes fluttered towards him---towards his upper body---when he suddenly caught him hook his fingers underneath the hem of his shirt, and rip it off in the matter of seconds, pulling it hastily over his head.
He watched in awe as Seongje brought his hands up to his, grabbing them as he leaned down enough to place them on his shoulders. Without a question, he rested both of his hands there, as he gripped his smooth skin---rather than the fabric of a jacket, of a shirt. He tilted his head down a bit when he saw him lean down, and in just a few seconds, an audible gasp managed to escape his mouth when he felt him hook his hands behind his lower body, pulling him up above the ground.
His grip around his shoulders tightened, his fingers slightly digging into his skin, as he was held up by Seongje, resting in his grasp. He managed to tighten the space between them as he pushed his lower body forward, pressing Sieun's back firmly against the wall.
As he looked at him, watching as he tilt his head down to face his crotch, he couldn't help but notice how he was, shirtless? Just casually standing up straight, without a piece of clothing to cover him---nothing but a silver chain that hung along his neck. And yet, he seemed fine---not even shivering, not even flinching an inch whenever the freezing wind passed by them.
" how are you not cold? " he asked blankly, underneath his breath, the words suddenly slipping out of his mouth.
He caught Seongje tilt his head up a bit, slightly---just enough to barely face him, so that their eyes locked.
" because you make me feel hot, " Seongje said underneath his breath, his eyes narrowed on Sieun as he eyed him.
" feels like im fucking overheating because of you, " he continued, leaning slightly closer, before tilting his head back down again to face the space below him.
For some reason, his body managed to still at those words.
It felt so weird hearing him say that, hearing him say those words, too, knowing that he thinks the exact same thing , all the time. He feels the same, too, whenever he's with him, whenever he's right beside him ; whenever he feels his the heat of his breathes against his skin , when he feels the warmth of the hand that trails along his side---when he feels so hot, feels as if his insides are boiling, to the point where he wants to rip off his shirt. But knowing him, he would never do something like that, in the first place.
Drowning in his thoughts, his gaze immediately hit Seongje when he heard his voice, all of a sudden.
" woah, " he suddenly said underneath his breath, the word piercing through the silence that hung over them.
He furrowed his brows, as his eyes fell onto his. Immediately, he caught him looking downwards, his head tilted down enough to see the space below him.
His breath got caught in his throat when he saw him tilt his head back upwards, his eyes immediately falling onto his.
" you like being manhandled or something? " Seongje said underneath his breath, in a questioning tone as he tilted his head at Sieun, a faint smile lined across his face.
It didn't even take him a second, to realize what he was talking about. He didn't even need to see it---to look down, in order to understand.
He shut his eyes, letting out an audible exhale as he tilted his head a bit to the side, turning away from Seongje's piercing glare. However, his eyes shot open by the slightest, when he heard his voice, when he heard him mutter a word directly against him.
" kinky, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, in an erotic tone, his voice barely even a breath against Sieun's face.
He exhaled when he felt him pull back, leaning back in front of him. He turned his head back to face him, as the words barely slipped out of his mouth.
" shut up, " he muttered quietly, barely even a breath over his shallow exhales.
He watched in awe as Seongje tilted his head down, letting out a faint laugh. His eyes widened by the slightest, when he felt his grip against his lower body pull back, when he heard his belt click---the metal sounding seemingly loud over the silence that surrounded them.
" i'm not judging, " he heard him say underneath his breath, a slight hint of laughter in his voice, with a faint smile.
His eyes were fixated below him, watching---waiting---as Seongje pulled his belt open, proceeding to grab the zipper, and pull it down. But for some reason, he seemed to be going so, slow? He couldn't tell whether or not he was going crazy---maybe due to the fact that he was left untouched, after everything---but he swore that seconds were turning into minutes, as the time around them seemed to slow down, each second that passed.
He was barely pulling his fingers back against the zipper once it reached the bottom, slowly bringing his hand up to hook his fingers along his waistband.
But at this point, he couldn't even watch. It was like he was teasing him, torturing him, turning seconds into hours as he stared at his hand, waiting. The ache in his lower body was only growing worse, too, making his mind twist at the feeling.
So without a second thought, without even giving himself a second to think ,
he pulled back one of the hands that were gripping his back tightly, and lowered it below them. In the matter of seconds, he brushed his hand passed Seongje's as he hooked his fingers around the top of his pants, hastily tugging them down. He shifted his hand to grab the waistband of his boxers, and pulled them down without a thought, as his pants rested just below his crotch.
Breathing raggedly, he slipped the hand behind Seongje's waist, trying his best to pull him forward---to atleast get to move an inch---but any attempt to move him, or atleast get him to move, failed. He wouldn't even budge, wouldn't even take a second to acknowledge Sieun's actions.
He let out a frustrated exhale, his body growing more impatient, as he tilted his head up to face him, wearily.
But his body immediately stilled, his breath getting caught in his throat, when he saw his eyes locked on his ---
when he saw the way he was looking at him, the way his eyes were narrowed ; how he was just eyeing him, almost seeming as if he were waiting for something, for Sieun to do something---for him fo say something.
His eyes fluttered around his suroundings, his breathes turning more ragged, as he tried to figure out what to do---what to say. Especially after doing something like this, having the courage to even do something like this, he felt horrible. He could just see him, too, in the corner of his eye, staring deep into him, making his entire body grow hot in the matter of seconds.
He gathered the strength to a get a few words out, barely even slipping out of his mouth, coming out as nothing but a ragged breath.
" can y, . . can you just-- " he said hastily, the words nothing more than a breath over his ragged exhales, as he looked wearily at Seongje.
After waiting for so long, waiting for him to move, to shift---he gasped inaudibly when he saw him lean forward, enough so that their chests were pressed tightly against one another.
He shuddered slightly when he felt his lips brush up against his, each one of his ragged breathes hitting him hard, the heat of it making him still. When he felt his hand brush underneath the hem of his jacket, he closed his eyes, shut them tight, as if it could help lessen the ache. He could feel his hand trailing along his side, brushing up against his skin as it rested against his waist, gripping tightly. A noise managed to escape his mouth when he felt his fingers dig into his side, the nails seeming as if they were piercing through his skin.
His eyes slowly reopened when he felt him slowly pull back, so that their lips weren't pressed against one another, but still close enough so that they could both feel the heat of their breathes against each other. He watched, desperately, as he saw Seongje tilt his head down slightly, his eyes shifting towards the area below him. His eyes caught him move in closer---so close, so that he could feel it, feel him pressing against his.
He looked up at him when he saw his head tilt slightly upwards, enough so that their eyes locked.
And after just a few more ragged breathes, a few more shallow exhales against one another ---
he finally felt him move, pushing his lower body forward, slowly shoving himself into him.
As soon as he felt it, he tilted his head back against the wall, closing his eyes tightly as his mouth hung open. He was about to let out a loud noise, a ragged moan over his heavy breathes, but before he could even let the noise escape his throat, Seongje immediately pressed his mouth against his, muffling anything that was originally about to escape.
He dug his fingers into his waist, slipping one of his hands behind Seongje's neck as he pulled him closer, so close that he could feel his waist brushing up against his. And compared to his movements before, his pace was slightly faster---not rough, but still slow, still deep.
And when he felt him hit it---felt him hit that area each time he rolled his hips forwards---a loud noise managed to escape his throat, as he moaned restlessly into his mouth, their lips pressed firmly against one another. But despite his movements being slow, the kiss was rough, deep. He could feel his tongue pressing into his mouth, rolling against his, as he practically devoured his mouth.
However, Sieun didn't even take a second to pull back, to gasp for air as Seongje suffocated him. Fact, he actually pulled him closer---dug his fingers into the back of his neck tightly, making him grunt in his mouth ; pressed his nails into the skin against his waist, urging him to keep moving.
His mind was completely gone, clouded up entirely by the feeling---the feeling that exploded inside of him each second, making his mind go blank, making him shut his eyes tightly, his vision going completely blurry.
And after at least a full minute or rigorous kisses, nothing but mouthes pressing viciously against one another, Seongje finally pulled back, as he shifted so that his head was beside Siein's, facing the side of him. He immediately gasped audibly---gasping for air---as the loud noises escaping his throat pierced through the silence around them.
Seongje was letting out faint groans beside his face, each heavy exhale hitting against his skin.
He didn't even take a second to open his eyes, to process his surroundings when he heard his voice right beside him.
" you getting close? " Seongje muttered beside his face, in between heavy breathes, coming out as nothing more than a ragged exhale.
Sieun didn't even hear him, and even if he did, the voice itself sounded muffled, drowned out in his mind. He just kept his eyes shut tightly, his lower body now noticeably shuddering each second.
He could feel the tension boiling up, too, seeming as if it were about to burst any minute, any second. And that, alone, is what made his mind so fried---so fogged up to the point where he couldn't even take a second to focus on the things around him, to focus on reality.
But the way his body reacted when he felt his movements still, when he felt him suddenly stop, immediately made him snap back to reality.
He reopened his eyes, letting out a loud groan as he tilted his head down to face Seongje, wearily.
" sieun, " Seongje muttered underneath his breath, coming out as an exhale in between his heavy breathes.
Desperation taking over him, he nodded his head shakily, proceeding to tilt his head back against the wall, letting out ragged exhales. The anticipation was stabbing him in the chest, shredding his insides as he waited---waited for what felt like minutes on end for him to move, to continue ; to let him release the tension boiling over inside of him.
However, his eyes shot open, a loud noise escaping his mouth, when he felt his grip shift---when he felt him wrap his fingers around the top of his length, pressing his thumb down against him, rubbing him in circular motions. It was seemingly fast, too, fast enough to make his mind go blank ; firm enough to drag a noise out of his throat.
He tilted his head back, closing his eyes tightly when he felt him begin to move, again, dragging himself backwards and pushing his waist forwards.
And at this point, there was no denying that he was close. His noises seemed to grow louder each second, his ragged moans becoming more consistent, as his chest heaved back and forth. His entire lower body was now shuddering, trembling beneath Seongje's grasp, his legs twitching each time he felt him thrust forwards. And his grip---his grip against the back of his neck, against Seongje's waist---only grew tighter, so tight that his fingers were practically digging into his skin, leaving a noticeable mark.
He could just barely, in the back of his mind, hear Seongje's voice---hear him muttering words, feel him brushing his warm lips against his skin.
" that's it, " Seongje said suddenly, barely a breath over his ragged groans.
He felt him shift slightly, just enough so that his lips were brushing up against his ear, his heavy breathes only making his mind even hazier.
" cum for me sieun, " he continued, muttering the words directly into his ear, barely even a breath.
His eyes were shut tightly, as he could feel the tension seemingly about to burst, about to release in the matter of seconds.
" give it to me, " he said faintly, the words barely coming out, slipping out as a breath over his heavy exhales.
He could feel everything, too, feel all of it clearly ---
Seongje's hand that gripped his waist tightly, digging his fingers into his side ; his thrusts that seemed to grow faster each second, sending a shockwave throughout his entire body ; his finger that pressed down firmly against him, speeding up as the seconds passed.
And in the matter of seconds.After just a few more shoves, a few more firm presses against his writhing body ,
he felt it---felt it explode throughout his entire body, hard.
So hard, that his he completely blacked out for a few seconds, his mind going blank, his vision going pitch black. And god, it felt---he couldn't even find the right words to describe it. It was strong, probably the strongest feeling he's ever felt, in his life, at least. But despite not being able to find the right words, there was no denying that it felt good---so good that he felt as if he could collapse any second ; he probably would've, if he wasn't being held up by Seongje.
▪︎
He tilted his head back against the wall, turning his head to the side as he leaned against it, a loud noise escaping his mouth as soon as he felt the feeling explode throughout him.
His eyes were shut tight, his chest rising back and forth restlessly, as he breathed heavily, faint moans escaping his mouth every second. His grip against Seongje slowly died down, his fingers gradually becoming less tight, so that he wasn't continuesly digging his nails into him.
However, he slowly tilted his head back to the side, to face him, when he suddenly felt him release his firm grip against him. He winced at the feeling---any slight movement, any small shift immediately sending a surge throughout his lower body.
As he breathed heavily, letting out shaky exhales as his chest rose back and forth, he caught Seongje suddenly---almost at random---pull his hand up, raising it so that it rested just in front of his mouth.
He watched in awe, dumbfounded, as he saw Seongje lock his eyes with him, staring at him, eyes narrowed. Almost immediately, he spread his finger apart---revealing the liquid that must've caught between his fingers---pressed one against his mouth, and ran it slowly along his tongue, catching the liquid that rested along it. And he didn't even stop there. He brought the next one up to his mouth, ran his tongue along it, and repeated with the rest, never even taking a second to take his eyes off Sieun, as he kept them locked on him, the entire time.
But Sieun---who watched in awe, breathing heavily---he didn't even know what to think, as he watched him, dumbfounded, his gaze shifting between his eyes and his fingers.
He caught him lower his hand suddenly, his gaze shifting back to his face when he saw him close his mouth, and swallow, in the matter of seconds.
Suddenly, though, his body immediately jerked in shock when Seongje leaned forward, close enough so that his face was right beside his. Given how sensitive he was from only a few seconds ago, any movement, any shift from Seongje's lower body, immediately exploded throughout him. So when he felt him lean forward---when he felt it press deeper inside of him, slightly---he tensed at the feeling, shutting his eyes for a split second as a loud noise escaped his throat.
It managed to die down after a few seconds, the sensitive feeling fading away, as Seongje's lower body became still, for the most part.
But when he felt his lips brush up against the side of his face---when he felt the heat attack his skin like a heatwave---he immediately shuddered, his grip tightening by the slightest.
" you gonna finish me off hm? " Seongje muttered directly against the side of his face, the words coming out as a ragged breath.
He exhaled when he heard those words, the words right against his skin.
" gonna let me cum all over your pretty face? " he continued, his voice growing more dangerous, more hoarse, as he breathed heavily against him.
He froze, stilled underneath Seongje's grasp. He swallowed at the words, at the breathes that were repetitively hitting his face, over and over.
But he knew---he knew that he was waiting, waiting for an answer, for anything. So despite how fuzzy his mind felt, despite the fact that he was still recovering, breathing shakily, he managed to get one word out :
" yes, . . " he said underneath his breath, the word barely slipping out of his mouth, coming out as nothing but a shaky breath.
Turns out, just one word was all it took ---
all it took for Seongje to feel something in his lower body, to feel his body get attacked by heat in the matter of seconds.
Sieun shuddered when he slowly pulled back, so that they were facing each other, panting back and forth. He watched as he tilted his head down slightly, placing one of his hands against Sieun's crotch as he slowly moved his waist backwards, dragging himself out of him.
He immediately tensed at the feeling, his grip tightening against Seongje as a noise managed to leave his mouth.
His gaze shifted downwards when felt him lean down slightly, lowering Sieun's lower body as his legs hit the floor. Without a question---and partly due to the fact that his body felt as if it were on the verge of collapsing---he immediately fell to the floor, on his knees.
He placed one of his hands against Seongje's pants, gripping his fingers around it as he breathed slightly heavily, steadying himself.
Suddenly, he felt Seongje's hand brush up against the back of his head---running his fingers through his hair, along his head, gripping him tightly. He shuddered at the feeling as his gaze finally hit the front of him, the view infront of him.
He let out an exhale, and without a question, he brought one of his hands up to his mouth. Not even questioning his actions, he spat into it, them proceeding to raise it slowly, and wrap it around his length.
And in the matter of seconds, he began moving his hand without a second thought, running his hand along him, dragging it back and forth at a pace fast enough to immediately make him groan. He leaned in a bit closer, close enough so that his mouth was pressing directly against him, as he tilted his head up slightly, looking up at him.
He caught Seongje crane his head upwards, noticeably letting out faint groans over heavy breathes, as it fell back down to face Sieun.
" fuck-- " Seongje muttered in between a faint groan, panting back and forth.
After at least a second of exchanging looks, Sieun tilted his head back downwards. As he ran his hand along him, speeding up by the slightest, it didn't even take him a second thought when he made the next move.
Closing his eyes, he leaned forwards as he slid his mouth onto him---less than halfway---and began moving his head back and forth, dragged it back, and pushing it forward. He ran his tongue along him, running it along him each time he moved his mouth forwards. And not only that, but he kept moving his hand, too---kept his grip firm around him, running his hand along him back and forth.
And judging by his noises---judging by the loud groans that were escaping his mouth, by the ragged breathes---that alone must've made Seongje see stars.
He could his body shuddering noticeably, as he kept his grip tight against his pants. He could feel the hand that was gripping his hair trembling by the slightest, shaking each and every second.
But only after at least half a minute, maybe even a few seconds, did Seongje suddenly shift.
He opened his eyes, letting out an audible gasp when he felt Seongje tug him backwards by the hair, dragging his mouth out of him as he kept him close---close enough so that his length was brushing up against his mouth. He kept moving his hand, pulling it back and forth against him, tugging him by the slightest, as he tilted his head up to face him.
Just at the sight, he knew that he must've been close, as he looked up at him wearily, watching his chest rose back and forth restlessly ; watching him as he saw him grip the wall, his head hanging down, occasionally tilting it upwards ; as his eyes fluttered open and closed, letting out ragged groans.
And after a few more movements, a few more tugs against him, he immediately shut his eyes, jerking backwards slightly when he felt it hit his face---when he felt warm liquid fall along his face ; against his cheek, above his chin, underneath his eye, inside of his mouth.
He felt Seongje's grip against his head gradually loosen, his fingers still resting along his hair, as he breathed heavily, letting out faint groans.
Sieun released his grip against him as he brought one of his hands up to his face, squinting his eyes open as he wiped away some of the liquid that seemed to fall directly onto his eyelid. He cringed by the slightest, at the feeling, knowing what was directly on his face, resting along his skin.
However, his upper body shuddered when he felt Seongje hook his fingers underneath his shoulder, pulling him upwards. Sieun steadied himself by placing one of his hands against the wall behind him, breathing shakily, as his gaze fell onto Seongje, in front of him.
He watched as he leaned in close, breathing heavily like he'd just ran a mile. His eyes were narrowed on him, eyeing him up and down, never letting his gaze leave him.
In the corner of his eye, he caught him raise one of his hands up, making his gaze shift when he saw him bring it up so that it was right in front of Sieun's face. He shuddered slightly, dumbfounded, when he felt him place his finger against his face, running his thumb along it. Not only after a few strokes, did he realize what he must've been doing, as he pressed his thumb down against his cheek, running his thumb along his skin, and then pulling it back to press it against other areas, all along his face.
He just stared at him, watching as his eyes shifted across his face, exhaling whenever he felt his touch.
And in the matter of seconds, he suddenly pulled his thumb back, shifted his hand slightly downwards, and slowly shoved it into Sieun's mouth, brushing passed his lips. It was far enough so that it pressed against his tongue, making him grunt at the sudden action. He felt the liquid catch against his tongue as he felt him slowly slide his finger back, brushing passed his warm lips, and resting against his bottom lip.
He pressed down against it, making Sieun shudder by the slightest, his mouth hanging slightly open as he let out shallow exhales. A gasp managed to escape his mouth when he felt Seongje place the rest of his fingers below his chin, pressing against him, urging him to close his mouth.
Despite hesitation, he immediately complied, slowly closing his mouth as he kept his gaze locked on Seongje, wearily. There was no question what was coming next---what Seongje was practically waiting for, as he continued eyeing Sieun, his face seemingly close to his.
Closing his eyes, he slowly swallowed down the liquid, which proved hard due to how, weird, it seemed.
He reopened his eyes, his head tilted down slightly, as he looked up at Seongje, their eyes locking. His grip against his chin, against his bottom lip, immediately released as he felt him run his hand along his jacket, resting it against his shoulder as he gripped the jacket.
His upper body jerked slightly backwards when he felt his head fall down, resting against his other shoulder, pressing down hard against him.
" so fucking hot, " he heard him mutter underneath his breath, barely hearable, as his breathes grew more and more shallower by the second.
And he just stayed there ---
resting his head against Sieun's side, resting his hand along his shoulder, for atleast a few seconds or so. Sieun just remained still, slightly dumbfounded from everything, shivering by the slightest whenever he felt the gush of wind hit his lower body.
All of a sudden, Seongje suddenly pulled back, tilting his head back upwards as his hand slipped off of his shoulder.
" fuck it's cold-- " he suddenly blurted out, underneath his breath, tilting his head downwards as he began hastily pulling up his pants, pulling against the zipper.
He watched in awe as he saw him turn around, leaning down as he hastily grabbed his shirt off of the floor, slipping it over his head and pulling it down.
Without a thought, he did the same, pushing himself off the wall as he grabbed his pants, slipping them underneath him and pulling them up hastily. Once his pants were on, he walked over, wincing slightly due to the ache in his lower body, and grabbed his hoodie, holding it in his hand.
When he turned around, he almost jumped when he caught Seongje, seemingly right infront of him, already staring right through him. He caught him move slightly forward, closing the distance between them, as his eyes shifted slightly downwards, focused on his lips.
And in an instant, he closed his eyes, his upper body jerking back slightly, when he felt him slip his hand around the back of his neck, pressing his mouth against his, firmly. But surprisingly---he went, slow ; nothing along the lines of rough. It was deep, their mouthes pressing against one another as he gripped the back of his neck tightly, pulling Sieun closer.
He brought one of his hands up and pressed it against his chest, his fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt.
He let out an inaudible gasp when Seongje slowly pulled back, sucking on his lips for atleast second, as he kept close enough so that their lips were brushing up against one another---so that their breathes were hitting each other, repetitively.
" let's go back to my appartment, "
he muttered softly against his lips, a faint smile lined across his face, as his voice grew into something more shallower.
| 10 : 04 PM
♡
Notes:
NEXT CHAPTER IS BEING WORKED ONN!! im hoping it'll be done somewheree around this weekend but we'll see, it'll be worth the wait trustt!!
I HOPE U GUYS ENJOYEDD!!
any ideas + feedback is very appreciated! < 3
🫶 🫶
Chapter Text
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| Monday - 1 : 32 A M
They were both breathing heavily, practically gasping for air, as their bodies were slick with sweat, all over. Running down the sides of his forehead, sticking to his chest, trailing down towards his lower body.
He was still, his body only shuddering due to the feeling, as he rested flat against the mattress below them, his head leaned back against the pillow beneath him.
And the only thing in his line of sight,
The only thing he kept his eyes locked on, as his eyes fluttered open and closed, was him. Was Sieun, above him, ontop of him. He couldn't even look away, couldn't even take a second to shift his gaze, as tilted his head back against the plush pillow behind him.
His grip grew tighter around him, digging his fingers into the skin against his waist, as, he, moved against him without a thought, his mind so warped, so intoxicated, to the point where his actions didn't even seem real---nowhere near real.
He just watched, his eyes fluttering between his weary face and his lower body, as he kneeled ontop of him---ontop of his waist ; jerking his body up and down, dragging his lower body upwards, and then falling back down against him, practically 'using' him, without any hesitation.
But for Seongje---it didn't even matter.
He didn't even care, wouldn't care whether or not he was being 'used' by him, being used for his own pleasure. He was just completely dumbfounded, lost in a trance, as he watched, him, above him ; watching how he, willingly, dragged himself in and out of him, how he moved like, this, against him. How his chest heaved back and forth, the faint golden tinted light making it shine, by the slightest. How his head tilted upwards, facing the ceiling, not even taking a second to look down, to see what he was doing. How his noises only grew louder, ragged moans escaping his throat as he continued moving his lower body, against him.
His movements only grew faster, too ; grew more desperate, more pleading. That alone---everything alone---made him feel as if he were in heaven, in pure bliss.
And seeing him like this? Seeing him willingly do something as, indescribable, as this? It didn't feel real, any of it. Given that it was late, too, that it was at least passed one AM, his head only grew more and more fuzzy as time passed. So it all felt like a fever dream, something he'd dream about, that he'd fantasize about.
But despite it feeling unreal, the only feeling that did feel real, was that one that began building up in his lower body---boiling inside of him, urging to come out. Sieun's shuddering body, his trembling waist, only heightened the feeling, making it seem as if he were about to burst any minute, second.
He closed his eyes tightly, his grip tightening harshly against his waist, as he tilted his head back against the pillow beneath him. His eyes fluttered open and closed, shifting his gaze between the ceiling, and Sieun, still moving restlessly against him, letting out shaky moans above him. There was no doubt that he was close. He could feel it, inching closer, seemingly about to boil over any second.
And as soon as he hit it, it exploded throughout his entire body,
Sending a strong shockwave through his lower body, dragging a loud noise out of his throat, as his waist jerked upwards at the feeling. He closed his eyes tightly, letting out faint groans, as he held, him, down---held his shuddering body down, digging his fingers into his waist, pushing his crotch upwards, deeper into him. His lower body was shaking, twitching at the feeling, as Sieun's restless movements gradually came to a stop, a loud noise escaping his mouth.
His eyes fluttered open, still letting out faint groans from how strong the feeling seemed, when he felt him shift against him ; suddenly seeming as if he had 'collapsed,' falling down onto him, his entire upper body pressed against his, as his head rested down right beside his.
He winced underneath his breath when he felt Sieun bring his trembling hand up to him, gripping his shoulder tightly, as he dug his shaky fingers into his skin. He could feel his nails dragging against his skin, slowly tightening, practically scratching him, lazily tearing at his skin, all whilst his hand trembled against him.
Heavy breathes escaped his mouth, mixed with shallow groans, as the feeling gradually died down.
And Sieun---who was right beside him, ontop of him, his head resting just beside his, must've seen stars. Shaky moans were escaping his lips, as each one of his noises came out muffled, due to the fact that his head was pressed against the mattress beneath them. His body, specifically his lower body, was still shuddering, too---still trembling, shaking uncontrollably, as he rested himself against Seongje, still inside of him.
Each breath that he took, each and every time he inhaled raggedly and exhaled shakily, he could feel it---feel his chest restlessly rising back and forth, against his, their bodies pressed tightly against one another. Groaning quietly underneath his breath, letting out heavy exhales, he slowly released his harsh grip against Sieun's waist as he brought his hand down towards his lower body. He closed his eyes tightly when he pulled himself out, slowly dragging himself out of him, as he muttered a curse underneath his breath
And without hesitation, he slowly pushed two of his fingers inside of him, brushing passed him, as he curled them forward, and dragged them out. That immediately, made Sieun's lower body shudder, letting out a muffled moan beside him.
He pulled his hand back to reveal the liquid caught between his fingers, slowly dripping down, along them. Breathing heavily, he brought his other hand towards him, wrapped it around the front of Sieun's trembling neck, and slowly pulled him backwards, making him face, him.
He stared up at him, his eyes completely lost in his---in the tears that seemed to be welling up in them, in the desperation lying beneath then. He brought his other hand towards him, just infront of his weary face, and slowly pushed his two fingers passed his lips, shoving them into his mouth, making him let out a muffled noise. Once his fingers hit his soft tongue, he pressed them down, and slowly pulled back, brushing passed his warm lips, catching the liquid against his tongue. And once he pulled back, his fingers glistening with saliva, he slowly slid his hand onto his neck, brushing it against his warm skin as he stopped once he hit the back, tightening his grip against him.
And after just a few more looks---nothing more than eyes staring, glaring through one another with hunger,
He tugged him down, fingers digging into the skin along the back of his neck, as their mouthes clashed. He pressed his lips against his, firmly, yet viciously, as he slowly devoured his mouth, pushing his tongue forward. All of Sieun's noises were muffled, nothing but faint moans barely escaping his lips, as he continued pressing his mouth harshly, against him.
As he did so, he slid the other hand downwards, onto his chest, as he slowly shoved him to the side, urging him to lie flat against the mattress. Never even pulling back, he pulled him closer, his nails practically digging into the back of his neck, as he shifted along with him---climbing ontop of him, leaning above him, seemingly close.
Breathing heavily, he slowly pulled back, foreheads pressing against one another as they both gasped for air, chests rising back and forth. He steadied himself with his shoulder as he leaned above him, eyes narrowed on him, heavy breathes escaping his lips. And he just watched---watched how Sieun's mouth hung open, how his lips stayed parted, as shaky breathes escaped his mouth. Watched the way that he looked up at him, his eyes fluttering open and closed.
However, he tilted his head downwards, facing towards his lower body, when he suddenly felt, him, place his trembling hand against him---against his waist, his shaky fingers slightly digging into his skin. He could just barely, feel his shaky grip tightening against him, lazily pulling him forward ; or atleast trying to pull him forward.
He furrowed his brows, his breathes still ragged, as he tilted his head back to face him, his gaze now facing below him.
" what? " he huffed underneath his breath, looking down at Sieun in awe.
His eyes caught, him, shifting his gaze---caught his eyes fluttering between his, looking wearily up at him, and then shifting his gaze to face his lower body ; Seongje's, lower body. He could feel his grip tightening, too, digging his shaky fingers into his side.
And his eyes? The way they locked with his, the way they seemed as if they were on the verge of tears---it said everything.
A faint scoff escaped his lips, as he continued eyeing him, never even breaking his gaze.
" you still want more? " he muttered underneath his breath, in between a slight laugh that faded into nothing but a ragged breath.
Too busy staring to even realize, to notice, his body slightly jerked backwards at the feeling when Sieun suddenly shifted.
When he, all of a sudden, brought his trembling hand up towards Seongje's lower body, and wrapped his shaky fingers around him, tightening his lazy grip as he tugged at him. A faint groan escaped his mouth as Sieun slowly ran his trembling grip along him---against him, running his hand back and forth.
Tilting his head down to face his lower body, he immediately released his grip against the back of his neck, and brought his hand back towards him as he lowered it beneath his waist. He hastily grabbed Sieun's trembling hand that was moving against him, wrapped his fingers tightly around it, and brought it infront them as he shoved it down against the mattress.
He dug his fingers into the skin against his hand, pressing it down against the mattress beneath them, as he leaned downwards. He was close enough so that their warm chests were barely touching, so that his lips were brushing up against the side of his face, breathing heavily.
" if that's what you want, " he muttered in between heavy breathes, against his skin, his voice fading into a ragged breath.
He slowly shifted his other hand against the mattress, bringing it down towards his lower body, as he placed it against Sieun's waist. His grip grew tight against him, digging his fingers into his skin, as he kept his other grip tight against his trembling hand.
" i'll fucking give it to you, " he said against his face, his warm lips brushing up against his skin, as his voice faded into nothing but a breath.
Releasing his harsh grip against Sieun's hand, he hastily brought it down to his lower body, as he wrapped his fingers against himself.
And without any hesitation, he kept his face close to his, as he pushed his waist forward, shoving himself into him. He closed his eyes at the feeling, as he slowly pushed his lower body into him, deep. His face still right beside Sieun's---practically against it as his lips brushed up against his skin---a loud noise pierced his ear as soon as he shifted himself forward.
In the matter of seconds, he began moving, grip tightening against his waist as he slightly pulled his lower body upwards, urging him to arch his back against the mattress below them. His movements were deep---shoving his waist harshly into him, dragging himself out, pushing forward. He kept a pace, though, each push of his waist not noticeably fast---not yet, at least---but hard enough for him to drag a loud noise out of Sieun's throat whenever he shoved himself forward.
Each of his movements jerked their bodies forward, making the bed shift, the headboard creaking by the slightest, as he continued shoving himself forward without a thought.
But after just a few rough shoves, it barely took him a second to notice how loud he was growing. How his noises---his ragged moans, his shaky exhales, his choked groans---seemed to be piercing through his ears. Despite volume, though ; despite how loud he seemed---he didn't even care, didn't care whether or not his eardrums were being tortured, by him. He couldn't get enough of it, of how he sounded, like this.
And he could feel his grip tightening, too. How his trembling grip against his waist grew so harsh, so strong, that he could feel his nails digging into his skin. The other hand that gripped his back, just below his shoulder, seemed to be growing tighter, as he dug his nails into him, making him grunt. And his lower body---his crotch, his waist---seemed to be shuddering, trembling hard as he continued pushing himself into him.
As he breathed heavily, he tilted his head slightly downwards, forehead pressed into the side of Sieun's face---enough so that he could see his lower body. He furrowed his brows, as his movements started slowing down, stilling himself inside of him.
" shit, " he huffed underneath his breath, furrowing his brows by the slightest, staring in awe at Sieun's chest,
At the glistening liquid lined across his lower body, resting just above his waist, as his chest heaved back and forth.
He leaned back a bit, steadying himself with his shoulder against the mattress, as he looked down at him, their faces inches away from one another. He watched as he kept his head tilted, far back against the pillow beneath him ; as he kept his eyes closed, panting restlessly ; as heavy breathes escaped his lips, mixed with shaky moans.
Still waist deep inside of him, he didn't even take a second to think, to even question his actions, as he began moving, again---rolling his hips back and forth, shoving his crotch forward, dragging himself back. Immediately, a loud noise escaped Sieun's throat, as his grip against him tightened harshly, nails barely tearing against his skin.
He kept him grounded, shoving Sieun's lower body down against the mattress, as his body writhed beneath him, seeming as if he were trying to twist away from his grasp ; which for Seongje, couldn't tell whether or not, he was enjoying it.
And he just kept going, kept shoving his waist forward, despite Sieun hitting his climax only seconds, ago. Faint groans were now escaping his lips, as he breathed heavily, his lips brushing against the soft skin along Sieun's face.
" you like that, hm? " he muttered raggedly against his face, in between heavy breathes.
Judging by his noises, at least, it could go either way. He was practically letting out loud noises every single second, each one seeming so loud, that it could even be classified as a scream.
He kept moving his lower body forward, waists brushing up against one another whenever he shoved himself into his trembling body.
" love it when i fuck you harder, when i make you cum so fucking fast, " he muttered underneath his breath, lips brushing up against his face, his voice growing hoarse.
Still moving roughly against him, he released his shuddering grip against Sieun's waist, as he brought his hand up towards his upper body. He continued letting out heavy breathes against the skin along his face as he slid his hand onto the front of Sieun's neck, wrapping his fingers around him, tightening his grip against him.
And at this point, his movements were rough---not entirely fast, but deep ; hard. Hard enough so that his eyes fluttered open and closed at the feeling ; so that faint groans escaped his throat whenever he shoved his waist forward.
" just hear how fucking loud you are, " he said, barely a ragged whisper, as he muttered the words against his face, grip tightening around his neck, his throat.
After a few seconds of nothing but him harshly digging his fingers into his neck, practically choking him, he finally released his grip against him.
In the matter of seconds, he brushed his hand up towards his mouth, running his fingers hastily against his skin, across his chin, until he hit his lips. He then shoved two of his fingers inside of his mouth, pushing them forward, brushing passed his lips, as he used the rest to press against the bottom of his chin, closing his mouth shut.
He shifted his head towards the side, now leaning his forehead against the mattress beneath them, as his lips were now brushing up against his ear, letting out heavy breathes. He closed his eyes, faint groans escaping his mouth, when he felt Sieun begin sucking his fingers---pressing his warm lips down against them, his soft tongue brushing up against them.
And now that his mouth was closed, shut by Seongje's shuddering grip, his noises managed to die down, slightly---loud enough to still pierce through the silence that hung over them, though, as ragged moans escaped his throat, all muffled, breathing heavily through his nose.
Four final words escaped his lips,
Barely slipping out of his mouth, as he breathed heavily against him, lips brushing up against his skin,
" all because of me, " he muttered quietly in between ragged breathes, his lips pressed against his ear, his voice fading into nothing but a heavy exhale.
And he just kept giving in,
Kept giving him what he wanted, what he needed, what he was practically begging for,
Completely dumbfounded that this person, this person below him, underneath him,
The same person who should've been cursing at him ; yelling at him, shouting at him, shoving him away urging him to stop,
Was doing, this---doing something like this ; letting him, do something like this.
And in that night, something changed inside of him.
| 1 : 49 A M
☆
| Wednesday - 6 : 25 A M
A soft blanket rested across him, draped across his chest, trapping any heat that tried to escape, inside. The room around him was surprisingly, cold---cold enough so that the temperature felt just right.
He was asleep, his body completely still, as he rested against the bed beneath him. He was on his side, his entire body pressing into the mattress below him, as his head rested against the soft pillow, the side of his face sinking into the plush fabric.
And his mind was completely blank, floating in an abyss of sleep, of pure emptiness.
But gradually,
His body began pushing it's way out of the darkness that consumed him, drifting away towards reality, as his senses started coming back to him, slowly.
The first one that made his way back to him, was smell. The aroma that surrounded him, that flowed lifelessly through the air, all around him. As he inhaled slowly, his chest rising softly---still lying against the borderline of sleep---the smell of crisp air immediately flowed through his nostrils, making him exhale, slowly. It was that fresh, morning smell ; that same exact aroma that surrounds you once the heavy rainfall has stopped, that fills your body with calmness, as soon as you inhale.
He breathed slowly, inhaling and exhaling softly through his nose as his body remained still, his side resting against the mattress below, them.
Following that, was touch,
As his body immediately sent every single feeling to his mind, gradually awakening him. The warmth that surrounded him, that caged him in---the warm feeling against his chest, all the way towards his lower body. With his hand resting across the mattress below him, outside of the blanket that rested ontop of him, feeling the warmth that flowed beneath the blanket felt soothing, relaxing almost. And it took him at least a second, longer than it should've, to register something else. The warmth radiating against his chest, the softness brushing up against his skin, whenever his chest rose as he breathed shallowly. The hand that was rested just against his side, against his chest, remaining still against his skin. The soft, yet heavy breathes, that hit the back of his neck, that hit the skin against him, every second or so.
And after a few more shallow breathes---that was enough to gradually bring his mind back, as he gathered all of his senses.
Slowly, his eyes gradually fluttered open, blurring his surroundings as he kept them squinted. His vision was nowhere near clear, as the mattress below him looked blurry, seeming as if it were static. Letting out a shallow exhale, he slowly brought the hand that was rested against the mattress, towards his face, as he pressed his fingers against him, softly rubbing his eyes ; hoping to rid himself of tiredness, at least.
After a few presses, he pulled his hand back, now resting against his forehead as his body felt nowhere near awake. He felt weak, exhausted, like he's been sleep deprived for years on end. Despite it, though, he slowly tilted his head upwards, turning it away from the pillow he was previously leaning against, as he tried to get an idea of where he was---obviously, he had just woken up, so his mind was still recalling everything around him.
But only after he shifted slightly, not even an inch, did a soft gasp escape his lips.
He stilled, not reacting as much as he usually would, when he felt, him, suddenly slip his hand lower, brushing down against the skin across the side of his chest. It rested there for a bit, nothing more than a second, until he, tightened his grip slightly, and lazily tugged against him, managing to only move his body atleast an inch due to how weak his strength must've been.
Whilst doing so, too, he heard him let out a faint groan beside him---directly behind him, seemingly close. And after practically digging his fingers into the side of his chest, his hand now draped against his side, Sieun felt him shift, slightly. Felt Seongje, shift enough so that he was directly behind him ; directly behind his neck, behind his upper body, as he could just barely, feel his warm lips brushing up against his skin.
He laid still, letting out soft breathes, his eyes on the verge of closing, as he heard him continue to let out faint, quiet groans behind him, against him---against his skin ; each breath, each noise hitting him, as the warmth spread throughout his entire body.
Slowly closing his eyes, he brought over his hand that was previously resting upwards against the mattress, and slipped it underneath the blanket above him. Without a thought, he brought it over towards his upper body, and softly placed it against Seongje's hand, resting it there, against his. He could just barely, feel his grip tighten---feel his nails slowly, yet softly, drag against his skin, loosening after a few seconds.
And as he laid there, relaxation flowing throughout his entire body, his mind gradually started to regroup, as his body grew more alert, less exhausted.
He gradually reopened his eyes, fluttering open and closed, as his vision started becoming more clear, more focused. Now that he looked at it, he could actually see the mattress---could actually focus on it, and see all the individual stitches against the fabric, all the details. Letting out a soft exhale, he then shifted his gaze more upwards, keeping his head still, as he leaned against the pillow beneath him.
His eyes fluttered around the room, around his surroundings, as he began to process everything---where he was. Although it was given when he felt, him, directly beside him, he immediately took note that he was in his, appartment. In Seongje's appartment, in his room, laying against his bed, beside him. His eyes continued fluttering around the room though, squinting by the slightest as he examined it.
Now that he thought of it, he's never actually taken in the surroundings, here, before ; at least not in this room, particular. Last time he was here---or atleast the last time he could remember---he couldn't even take a second to breath, to take a break and reflect, as he was pushed at, shoved at by, him. So, his gaze focused on what he could see, what was in his line of sight,
The walls were white, no sign of anything along them, anything that looked out of place, that took away the neat look of it, surprisingly. There was a wooden desk against one of the walls, a dark, solid color that blended in perfectly with the surroundings. In front of it, was a chair ; at least he thought it was a chair, until he realized it looked slightly off. Not only until he squinted his eyes by the slightest, did he notice that it was just his blazer ; his maroon colored blazer, draped across the chair, which he assumed was in front of it.
But seeing that in his line of sight, seeing that piece of clothing---seeing his school uniform---immediately hit him hard, as that word invaded his thoughts.
Closing his eyes for a few seconds, letting out a shallow exhale, he reopened them as he scanned the room once again. Surprisingly, his gaze managed to catch a small clock hanging against one of the nearby walls. He squinted his eyes at it, trying to make out what it said. But any attempt at squinting his eyes to make his vision clearer, did the exact opposite, only making his vision blurrier. He knew one thing for sure, though---he could just barely, make out that the clocks' hour hand was resting somewhere between six and seven, and for his sake, he was hoping it was closer towards six.
Sighing inaudibly, he then tilted his head back a bit, shifting his head against the pillow just enough for his gaze to hit the blanket that rested across his chest. With his hand still resting against Seongje's, he softly brushed his fingers underneath his grasp, as he slowly pulled his hand back, enough so that it wasn't resting against him ; trying to be as subtle as possible, to not wake, him.
But even a slight movement, a soft shift against him, seemed to trigger him, in the matter of seconds.
His breath stilled when he suddenly, heard his voice, right behind him, barely against his skin.
It came out as nothing but a mumble over his tired groan, too, the word barely even sounding understandable.
" no, . " he groaned tiredly beside him, his voice nothing but a mumble, sounding as if he were 'sleep talking.'
He felt him pull his hand back down, brushing passed Sieun's soft grip, and pressing it back down against his chest as he lazily tightened his grip against him, digging his fingers into his skin.
Wincing quietly at the feeling, he felt him shift beside him, behind him, letting out faint groans underneath his breath as his lips were barely brushing up against the skin along the back of his neck.
The next two words, barely slipped out of his mouth, coming out as nothing more than a breathy exhale, against his skin.
" don't leave, " he muttered quietly behind him, barely even a whisper, as his voice faded into a shallow breath.
He laid still, his eyes remaining slightly open, as he steadied his breathes. Though he didn't have as much as a reaction as he would've, he still felt, shocked, in a way---at hearing his voice all of a sudden. And the fact that he was trying to be as subtle as possible, too, only made his stomach sink, as he noticed in the matter of only a few seconds.
But despite hearing his voice, he could tell that he definitely sounded, different---more tired, more raspy, his words barely coming out as nothing more than a shallow breath. And judging by his body, too---judging by the weight behind him that remained still, only shifting slightly against the mattress whenever he breathed, he was assuming that he was, asleep.
So, he slowly tilted his head upwards, shifting up slightly from the pillow beneath his head. He then slowly, turned his head to the side---facing behind him---shifting his body just enough so that he could turn to face, him. After a few more slow shifts, he managed to get his head turned enough, still resting against the pillow, as his gaze met his.
And just as he had thought, he was asleep, lifeless, behind him.
At least, judging by his face. His eyes fluttered around him, slightly squinted, as he breathed shallowly,
His eyes were resting closed, relaxedly shut, as the side of his head rested softly against the pillow beneath them. His mouth hung slightly open, enough so that he breathed shallowly, letting out slightly heavy breathes that Sieun could feel hit against his face, every second or so. And everything about him---everything about his face, his eyes. He looked so, calm ; relaxed, lifeless. That's one of the reasons that made the situation seem so, unreal, in the first place.
But deciding not to go any further---to not start letting his mind be filled to the brim with thoughts, with reflections---he let out a shallow exhale as he slowly, turned back around, trying to be as subtle as possible as he shifted his body back onto his side, leaning his head back down against the pillow.
Now back to how he was laying before, his eyes slowly fluttered closed as he brought his hand back up towards Seongje's, resting it there against his, as he steadied his breathes.
He decided that he wasn't going to get up just yet, at least, and instead simply just, wait. The idea of sleeping in didn't seem so bad, too. Nothing more than ten minutes, he told himself, as he closed his eyes, keeping them slightly open in order to stop him from slipping off the borderline of sleep.
▪︎
| 6 : 31 A M
And surprisingly, at least ten minutes had passed,
Nothing but the slight whistle of cold wind breezing passed the window ; their shallow, yet heavy breathes, breaking the silence that hung over them.
His eyes gradually fluttered open, though, when he heard him let out a faint groan behind him, just inches away from the back of his neck. He opened his eyes, squinting by the slightest, when he felt him slowly pull back, brushing his hand passed his chest, pulling it back towards him.
He brought one of his hands up towards his face as he rubbed his eyes, trying to wash away the remaining tiredness that hung over him. But whilst doing so, he could just barely hear Seongje, behind him, letting out tired groans, wincing almost. So, he shifted his body towards the side, now resting against his back, as he tilted his head enough so that his gaze hit him.
There was no doubt whether or not he was awake, as he watched him in awe, squinting his eyes. He furrowed his brows by the slightest when he caught him, for some reason, leaning his head back against the pillow beside him, still resting flat, but pressing his fingers against his forehead. He was wincing, too, his eyes tensely shut tight, rubbing his fingers against his forehead as he groaned. He almost looked as if he were in pain, but he didn't want to assume anything.
Exhaling shallowly, he continued watching him, his head tilted to the side against the pillow beneath them.
" are you okay, " he asked blankly, the words barely slipping out of his mouth as a breath.
He continued watching him, his head still tilted against the pillow, as Seongje continued letting out grunts, groaning, as he pressed two fingers against his forehead.
" my heads' fucking ringing, " he heard him mutter beside him, the words slightly slurred, and barely coming out as a ragged breath.
His eyes fluttered away from him as he turned his head back over to his side, now leaning flat against the pillow. Hearing those words, gradually managed to help him remember snippets of what happened---how he got here, at least.
And given that he drank at least an entire bottle of alcohol, last night, chugged it down in the matter of seconds, it would make sense. But he tried to stray away from letting any of his thoughts attack his mind, flood his head, as he focused on one thing, only.
In the corner of his eye, though, he caught him, beside him, suddenly shift against the mattress, leaning over towards the edge of the bed as he reached his arm out, groaning tiredly underneath his breath as he grabbed something he couldn't make out from the side table adjacent to the bed. He looked over when he caught him bringing one of his hands up to his face, putting his glasses on. The sound of something rattling against plastic---the kind noise you hear when someone shakes a 'pill bottle,' immediately sounded throughout the room. He caught him bring his other hand up to his face, press his hand against his mouth, and swallow---he was assuming that the pills were resting in his hand, as he swallowed them down.
His eyes fluttered away, shifting his gaze as he leaned back against the pillow, letting out a shallow exhale.
" what time is it, " Seongje mumbled beside him, underneath his breath as he continued letting out tired groans.
Now that he wasn't continuesly being held down, wasn't being pushed down by someone elses' weight, he slowly pushed himself up a bit to lean against the headboard. His eyes scanned the room again until his gaze hit the clock, hanging against the wall in front of his line of sight.
He leaned forward a bit, squinting his eyes at it---and surprisingly, he actually managed to read what it said, as he focused on the seemingly small numbers,
" six forty three, " he said blankly, as he exhaled as soon as he processed what time it was.
A wave a relief flew threw him, as he leaned his head back against the headboard behind him. Luckily, it hadn't hit seven yet, which, he was hoping for. His school started at eight fifteen, so judging by the math, that gave him at least over an hour to get ready---to get changed, to shower, to get back to his, appartment. He wasn't even in his appartment, either---couldn't grab his uniform and slip it on, couldn't start packing his backpack with necessities.
So, with his mind set on one thing, he lowered his hands against the mattess as he began shifting himself towards the edge of the bed.
But before he could even reach the edge, he turned his head to the side when he suddenly felt Seongje's grip against him---grabbing his wrist, wrapping his fingers around him as he held him still. Surprisingly, unlike usual, he didn't pull him back---didn't shove him backwards, tug him towards him. Just held his hand there, slightly tight.
" where are you going, " Seongje said blankly, the words slightly slurred, his voice low and tired.
His gaze met his, as he looked down at him, eyes shifting between the hand against him, and his eyes---they were narrowed, seeming as if they could close any second, as he looked up at him.
He exhaled, his expression blank, as he tilted his head down to face the hand lazily gripping his wrist.
" to get dressed, " he said, the words barely slipping out of his mouth.
Seongje let out out a tired groan, closing his eyes as he released his grip against him. He fell back down against the mattress, his hand slipping down against Sieun's arm as it rested below him, the side of his face sinking into the pillow beneath him.
He stared at him for a few seconds, at Seongje,
At how his eyes were closed, letting out deep breathes ; at how his glasses were just barely, sliding off of his face, the pillow pushing them forward. Letting out a quiet exhale, he turned his head back towards where he was originally facing, and further shifted himself off the bed, pushing himself off the edge as he hit the wooden floor. His gaze focused below him as he leaned down to pick up his clothes, scattered against the floor beside the bed---grabbing his shirt, his pants, his hoodie. Once he managed to fit all items in between his arm, he walked quietly against the wooden floor, as he hit the doorway of the bedroom. He passed through it, as he immediately walked over towards the bathroom directly in front of his line of sight, sunlight catching against the floor as it beamed through the window to his right.
Brushing passed the doorway, he grabbed the knob as he slowly, carefully closed the door shut, making a quiet click. He placed his clothes down against one of the nearby counters, as he flicked the light switch on, and began his usual routine---toilet, brush, floss, wash, and so on. Though, he wasn't in his appartment, so showering was held off until then.
Once most of the things on that list were done, he grabbed his clothes as he began slipping them on---pulling up his pants, tugging on the zipper ; pulling his shirt down over his head, as he held his hoodie in between his arm.
As he did so, his gaze managed to catch something lying against the counter in front of him, just below him.
It was barely even noticeable, too---just barely peaking out from behind a surprisingly normal plant decoration. Furrowing his brows slightly, he slowly brought his hand up towards the counter, as he leaned his head to the side and grabbed the item that was seemingly 'hiding' behind the pot. He brought his hand back towards his face, as he examined it,
It was a small picture, intricately framed with a bronze-colored coating, details all around the sides. It was only about the size of a playing card, too, not one of the average sized portraits you see frequently. He held it a bit closer, squinting his eyes at the picture beneath the glass frame. Without a question, it must've been a family photo---two adults standing straight, which he assumed, were the parents, and two small kids standing beneath them, dressed formally. He brought the picture closer, squinting at it, as he focused his gaze on the children in the photo. One of them was a boy, a warm smile across his face, wearing glasses, a simple bow tie around his neck. He looked normal, too, his smile seeming enough to make someone gasp and start 'awing' him. And without a doubt, he knew that it must've been him---been Seongje, judging from the glasses, at least.
But after focusing too much on him, on his heartwarming face, his tender smile, his gaze shifted towards the the other child, beside him. He furrowed his brows by the slightest, when he focused on the picture. It was a girl? A small, bright girl with silky straight hair running down her sides, a simple white bow against the side of her hair. He stared at the picture, dumbfounded---did he have a sister? Given him---practically everything about him---he would've never even expected him to even have a sibling, much less a sister. And she looked beautiful, too, her delicate smile making his breath still.
Everything about them looked normal, about him, looked normal ; not even a slight thing off about the photo, about the family. But then it hit him hard---the vague memory of him telling him something, almost at random. Of him, telling him something personal, about his father---about him leaving without a trace, disspearing into thin air, when he was young.
But here? Assuming that, he, was the father, he looked perfectly fine, not one hint of anything that could've motivated him to leave, him. That would've made him call him, a 'burden,' without a thought. And as he continued staring at the photo, completely dumbfounded by the picture resting against his fingers, his mind was too flooded with thoughts to even notice.
His body body jerked in shock, shuddering for barely a second, when he felt him, suddenly press against his back, running his hands forwards against his waist, brushing them against the fabric of his shirt.
His eyes shot open as he, in the matter of seconds, hastily shoved the photo into his pocket of his pants---which was the only thing he could come up with, as he had no idea how he'd react if he saw him, looking at something like that. And he didn't even hear him enter ; didn't hear the sound of a door creak open, of footsteps against the wooden floor, which had to be one of the reasons to why he must've reacted like, this.
He heard his voice, too, right beside his face, surprisingly sounding less tired than he did a few minutes ago---though, he wasn't even counting how much time had passed since he'd entered the bathroom.
" how'd you sleep? " Seongje muttered beside him, his breath catching against his skin.
His upper body shuddered, an inaudible gasp escaping his lips, as his stomach immediately sank. He didn't even know why he was reacting like, this---reacting like he'd just been caught, like he was doing something criminal worthy, as his breath got caught in his throat.
He heard him let out faint laugh beside him, and in the corner of his eye, caught him shift so that he was standing by his side, glaring through him.
" woah, why're you acting like i fucking abuse you or some shit? " he said in between a slight laugh, tilting his head at Sieun.
Exhaling underneath his breath, his turned his head to the side to face him, as the feeling inside of his body gradually died down. He looked at him for a few seconds, his eyes meeting his. Of course, he had a faint grin lined across his face, his eyes shifting across Sieun's face, eyeing him.
His gaze shifted away from him as he turned around the face the doorway, brushing passed him as he walked towards the main room.
" i slept fine, " he said blankly, walking against the wooden floor, as he headed for the front door towards his right.
He heard him let out a faint laugh underneath his breath, as he heard him trailing him, following his as if he were tracking his every movement.
" yeah? " he said beside him, almost in a questioning tone, as Sieun could see him tilting his head at him in the corner of his eye.
As he was about to turn and make his way towards the frontdoor, planning to slip on his shoes and push the door open, he came to a halt when Seongje suddenly shifted
He felt him press his hand against his chest, against the soft fabric of his shirt, as he moved around to stand in front of him. His gaze that was previously hitting the floor shifted upwards, as his eyes met his.
" it was because of me, wasn't it? " Seongje said suddenly, underneath his breath, a faint grin lined across his face.
He looked up at him, furrowing his brows by the slightest. His mind was too occupied, too focused on one exact thing to even take a second to process what Seongje was getting at, as he just looked blankly up at him.
His gaze shifted lower when he stepped forward---when he moved closer ; close enough to just barely, tighten the space between them, as he could just feel Seongje glaring down at him. He faced downwards when he felt him, lower his hand onto his waist, sliding his hand across the fabric of his shirt, brushing up against his side until he stilled.
And as soon as he tilted his head back upwards, the way that, he, was looking at him, hit him hard---the way his eyes were narrowed on him, eyeing him up and down, lips parted. He shifted his gaze away, eyes fluttering around the room, as he exhaled.
Only after a few seconds, did Seongje break the tension between them. A faint scoff escaped his lips, along with a slight sigh.
" c'mon sieun, the least you can do is kiss your boyfriend, hm? " he said mockingly, tilting his head down at Sieun, his voice growing into something that desired pity.
His eyes fluttered around his surroundings, when he heard those words. It felt so weird, too---him asking for something like, this. Obviously, he was too stubborn to even do something like that, as he just refrained from even meeting his gaze, from locking contact.
But after at least a few seconds, his gaze shifted to face him, when he caught him lean forward---when he felt him tighten his grip against the back of his waist, when he felt his warm lips brushing up against his, when he felt the heat of his shallow breathes hitting against him.
His breath got caught in his throat when he heard his voice, felt his voice right against him.
" i'm waiting, " he muttered against his lips, barely even a whisper, as his grip against him tighten.
Sieun stood still, frozen, as he inhaled shallowly, exhaling against him. Against, his, lips, that were just barely, brushing up against his, each breath hitting him hard.
And at this point, his body was reacting in the matter of seconds---that feeling that you get, when your about to walk onto a stage, seconds away from speaking infront of a crowd of thousands. He felt that explode throughout his body, as he stood still, eyes fluttering around him.
But after a few more shallow breathes, nothing but watching---waiting---he exhaled raggedly as he closed his eyes. Despite hesitation, he slowly pressed his lips against his, as he began moving---slowly, firmly moving his lips against him. And as he did so, he could just barely feel a smile curl around Seongje's mouth, as he barely moved---practically stayed still the whole time, letting him, do all the work.
After a few more firm movements, he slowly pulled back, tilting his head downwards as he breathed quietly.
He heard Seongje let out a faint laugh, mixed with a scoff, as he stepped back a bit so that he wasn't entirely shattering his personal space.
" see? not that hard, " he said mockingly, tilting his head at him as he released his grip against the back of Sieun's side.
However, now that the feeling inside of him gradually died down, his mind started becoming more clear, as he focused on what he was previously planning on doing. He tilted his head back upwards as he leaned a bit to the side, squinting his eyes passed Seongje's face as he focused on the clock in the distance, hanging against one of the walls behind them.
In the back of his head, he could just barely, hear him talking, hear Seongje muttering some mocking comment. Though, his voice was drowned out, as he squinted at the seemingly small numbers lined against the clock, analyzing the hour hand.
" your too fucking gentle though, try to be a bit more rough next time, hm? " he heard Seongje say in front of him, just barely, catching him tilt his head slightly at him.
He didn't even focus on what he was saying, what words came out of his mouth. But after a few seconds of nothing but squinting harshly at the faint numbers against the clock, he finally managed to make out the time,
| 6 : 58 A M
At least twenty minutes had passed since he'd last checked the time. He exhaled underneath his breath, as he turned his gaze back to face Seongje, who was watching him, furrowing his brows.
" i'm going back to my appartment, " he said blankly, looking up at the Seongje for a few seconds.
After locking eye contact for long enough, he shifted his gaze away as he turned to face the front door, leaning down against as he grabbed his shoes, and began slipping them on.
He heard Seongje, behind him, let out an almost unhearable scoff, seeming as if he were 'shocked' at the sight.
" already? " he immediately blurted out, his voice tinted with a questioning tone.
Once he managed to finish tying his shoelaces, he leaned back up, as he turned to face him.
" i need to get ready for school, " he said hastily, expression blank, as he looked at Seongje, who was furrowing his brows at him.
Seongje's face that was originally flooded with confusion immediately was washed over with realization, as his gaze shifted away from him, muttering something underneath his breath.
" oh, right, " he said suddenly, nodding his head by the slightest as the words came out as nothing but a whisper.
Watching him in awe, he caught him, suddenly, turn away as he walked back towards the bedroom, brushing passed the doorway as he disappeared into the room.
Sieun stood still, his hoodie resting against his arm, as he closed his eyes and let out am inaudible exhale. With his hand resting just by his side, almost brushing against his pocket, his mind immediately hit him hard as he remembered---remembered the item in his pocket, the picture lying inside of his pants, practically stolen. He didn't even know what to do with it, too---didn't know whether or not he should put it back, rest it against the nearby counter, place it somewhere hidden.
But all his thoughts immediately came to a halt, once he caught Seongje pass through the doorway, brushing passed his side as he leaned downwards, and began putting on his shoes. The scent of extortionate cologne attacked his nostrils, as he inhaled.
His gaze hit him, looking down, furrowing his brows as he noticed him now wearing his school uniform---his maroon blazer, his red velvet pants. He watched as he did up his shoes, flicking his fingers against the laces, tying them.
" you don't have to come, " he said blankly, staring in awe as he tied the knot, creating a seemingly perfect bow.
His eyes caught him lean back upwards, standing up straight as he grabbed the keys hanging against the wall towards their left, flicking them around his fingers.
" i'm going, it's on my way anyways, " he said immediately, brushing passed him as he swung open the door.
He squinted when the seemingly bright sunlight hit the front of his face, glaring through his eyes. He paused for a second, too---was it on his way? He wasn't the type to memorize locations by heart, but he knew that their schools weren't exactly close---nowhere near close, at least a twenty minute walk, much less on the way towards one another.
But despite it, he just ended up ignoring it, as he exhaled and passed through the doorway, exiting the front door.
Seongje shut the down behind him, rattling the keys as he locked it. Once Sieun saw him, in the corner of his eye, go beside him, he began walking, Seongje trailing after him as they walked down the hallway, the cool breezing hitting them.
Surprisingly, unlike the past days, it was actually bright out---so bright, that he had to squint his eyes when he turned to see the view over the balcony to their left. Only a few faint white tinted clouds lined the sky, everything else a light hue of blue, the sun making it seem much brighter than it should be.
Once they managed to hit the stairwell, he turned his head to the side when he suddenly felt Seongje brush his hand against his back, stopping once his grip hit his waist, as he held his arm against his back.
He caught him in the corner of his eye, as they walked down the stairs, lean in closer, tilting his head towards the side of his face.
" i'm hungry, we should get something to eat, " Seongje groaned beside him, seemingly close as he pressed his arm into his back.
Sieun exhaled as they continued walking down the stairs, keeping his gaze fixated below him as they inched closer and closer towards the ground floor.
" i know a good spot, it's just down the road, " he added, his voice becoming more persistent.
His words ended up just slipping passed his mind, as he didn't even take a second to process what he was saying. With nothing more than an hour left, he obviously didn't have time for doing something like that, much less taking a detour down the street.
So, he kept walking, gaze fixated infront of him as he hit the concrete floor below them.
" we can eat at my place, " he said blankly, as he continued walking, trying to stray away from that idea of taking a 'detour.'
Almost immediately, Seongje let out a loud groan, as he caught him tilt his head upwards, sighing heavily underneath his breath.
Luckily, as they turned the corner and began walking up the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop, he managed to catch the bus barely approaching, perfect timing, almost. Once they hit the bus, he felt Seongje release his grip against him, as he let out a faint sigh, behind him.
" you better have some good shit then, " he muttered underneath his breath, his voice sounding slightly irritated.
As they hit the entrance, he fixed his gaze below him as he stepped onto the bus, walking up the steps as he turned the corner. He walked down the aisle, scanning the area, as he decided to choose a place on his left. Surprisingly, it wasn't the full, either, only a few people scattered across the seats here and there, some in school uniforms, others dressed casually.
He turned to the side once he hit two seats on his left---but before he could even move forward, Seongje suddenly brushed passed him, hastily, and shoved his way through as he slumped down onto the window seat, stretching his arms out against the backrest.
He watched him in awe, his expression blank, as he proceeded to not even bother to care about how he was acting, and sat down beside him, resting his hoodie just across his lap. Leaning his head back against the backrest as he closed his eyes, they gradually reopened when he felt, him, brush up against his side, spreading his legs wide enough for their knees to be touching. Their shoulders brushed up against one another, too, whenever the bus shifted against the ragged concrete road below them.
And surprisingly, for entire bus ride that lasted at least five minutes,
Seongje was actually quiet, silent almost. He'd point out dumb things hear and there, muttering comments about things they'd pass by. But other than that, he remained still.
As Sieun sat there, though, eyes fixated infront of him, that concept managed to creep back into his mind, invade his thoughts, entirely. The concept of them---of him, sitting right beside him, pressed closely against his side ; the confusing, complex concept of them. And that's when it hit him, that breath-stilling question---what were they? Were they friends? Enemies? Two people who just happened to collide at the same time, driven by nothing but impulse. Ever since he first threw punches at him, he's always been near him, always been somehow, appearing by his side at the most unexpected times.
And even today---he still managed to be next to him, right next to him,
Sitting right next to him, brushing up against his side, shifting every few seconds or so against the rough road beneath them. It was almost like, he, was always, here. Always with him, despite being anywhere else---slouched against his bed at his appartment, clicking at his phone screen, playing some random mobile game ; leaning over a cheap seat at the bowling alley, roughly moving his hand around against the joystick. He knew that he was busy, had duties, at least. For one, from what he knew, he was associated with the union, atleast from what he's heard in the past. But rather than striding towards the bowling alley, dealing with 'business,' he was here, with him, in a bus.
That alone, made it so hard to understand, to the point where he didn't even know where to start. And the picture? The delicate portrait, lying inside of his pocket, only hidden beneath a thin layer of denim---confused him even more. But he decided to push all of his spiralling thoughts away, as he focused on his priority.
And as the time passed, though, he could just barely, in the corner of his eye, see him---see him tilting his head against the backrest, looking out the window ; see him drumming his fingers against the glass window, beside them ; see him, occasionally, turning his head over to face him, feeling him stare through him, glaring.
▪︎
The bus finally came to a halt, jerking their bodies forwards as it stopped abruptly against the road.
Sieun tilted his head upwards to see through the window on their right, to see whether or not they've reached the correct location. As soon as he did, he recognized the surroundings ; the buildings in the distance, the trees, the signs.
So without a question, he immediately stood up, clutching his hoodie as he held it between his arm, and turned the corner as he began walking down the aisle. Seongje must've did the same, as he caught him stand up behind him, and heard the footsteps trailing him against the aisle floor. Once he hit the front, he turned the corner, thanking the driver, as he began walking down the steps, keeping his gaze locked below him.
As he hit the ground floor, the concrete sidewalk, he immediately began heading for his appartment, only a few steps up the road, on his right. He caught Seongje walk up beside him, keeping close to his side. In the corner of his eye, as they continued walking up the street, he caught him tilt his head down, and slip out his phone out from one of his pockets, holding it just beneath his face.
He heard him let out a faint scoff underneath his breath, as they inched closer.
" whew, looks like you only got forty minutes, " Seongje said mockingly, as Sieun could see him turning his head to face him, tilting his head at him.
When he heard those words, he immediately tilted his face down to see Seongje's phone, just resting in his grasp beneath them. The screen was surprisingly bright enough for him to make out the time lined across the screen,
| 7 : 19 A M
He exhaled when he saw those numbers, as he fixed his gaze in front of him. As they hit the stairwell towards their right, he immediately began hastily walking up the steps, Seongje doing the same, beside him. The breeze hitting against him as they continued climbing the steps, felt nice, flowing against their sides.
And once they finally managed to reach the top, he continued, breezing passed the hallway, keeping his gaze locked on the unit numbers towards his left. After a few more haste steps against the concrete floor, he hit his appartment, as he came to a stop in front of the door.
He tilted his head downwards as he pulled his keys out of one of his pockets, bringing them up as he pushed it into the keyhole, and turned them to the right. The door made a click sound, and as soon as it did, he dragged the key out as he wrapped his hand around the knob, pulling the door open. He walked in, waited for Seongje to pass through the doorway, and then shut it, hanging the keys up against one of the walls.
Almost immediately, he heard Seongje yawn loudly underneath his breath, and in the corner of his eye, could see him rummaging through his cabinets---pulling the doors open, making the noise of wood thudding against one another sound throughout the room. He was too occupied, to even care, though. Wouldn't care whether or not he was destroying his kitchen, messing up the contents inside of each cupboard.
So, he placed his hoodie down against one of the nearby tables, as he headed for the bathroom.
Once he brushed passed the doorway, he closed the door---too fixated, to even care about locking it. Without a question he began hastily taking off his clothes---pulling his shirt over his head, unzipping his pants as he hooked his fingers around the waistband, tugging them down, along with his boxers. With all his clothes in his hand, he placed them neatly, somewhat neatly, against the toilet seat, as he grabbed the towel hanging against the back of the door, and rested it beside the clothes.
He turned to the side as he stepped forward into the shower, shutting the seemingly large glass door on his left. Tilting his head upwards to face above him, he immediately turned the knob of the shower, as water began pouring down against him, making him close his eyes at the feeling. It wasn't entirely cold, but wasn't completely warm, either---just the perfect temperature to make you feel comfortable, relaxed.
After letting the water flow down his sides for at least a few seconds at most, he then began hastily, with his routine---hastily rinsing his hair, applying shampoo, and so on.
With his hair now seemingly wet, he brought his hand over towards the bottle on his right, and applied a small amount of shampoo into his palm. He lathered it between his hands, and then proceeded to being them towards his upper body as he began running it through his hair, hastily.
He continued with everything else, trying to be as quick as possible---rinsing his hair out as he ran his fingers through it, letting the water pour down his sides.
However, as he did so, he could've sworn that he saw something in the corner of his eye, towards his left. It was like the moment when you catch something for a brief second, barely even noticeable, but sudden enough to make you turn your head to face it. He could just barely, in his peripheral vision, see something like that---a faint silhouette shift.
At instinct, he turned his head towards the side for atleast a second, almost about to face away, until he focused on the figure on his left,
Without any warning---no announcement, no loud creak of a door opening---he caught, him, just standing on his left ; leaning up against the wall, arms crossed against his chest, legs folded over, all casually. And he was just standing there, eyes narrowed, head leaned back against the wall.
Exhaling, he immediately turned back to face infront of him, as he lowered his hand, placed it against the knob, and turned it. The previously flowing water came to a stop, nothing but faint water droplets dripping down, as the sound of rushing water against the porcelain floor suddenly halted, making the room around them sound seemingly quiet.
He then turned back to face Seongje, who was, unsurprisingly, eyeing him up and down, never shifting his gaze off of him. Sieun's expression was blank as he looked at him, slightly dumbfounded by how he just randomly appeared in here, silently.
" what are you doing, " he said blankly, giving him a look that was half confused, half annoyed.
He stared in awe, water dripping down his sides as he caught a faint grin curl around his mouth. He watched as his eyes shifted around him, tilting his head back against the wall, eyes fluttering between his face, and trailing lower---towards his lower body, at least.
The room went silent for a few seconds---nothing but glaring looks and confused stares.
" watching you, " Seongje suddenly said, his voice low, the words slipping out of his mouth as if it were a 'normal' thing to say.
Sieun exhaled, as his eyes fluttered around the room. Everything about, him---about what he did, how he acted, how he, could just suddenly appear out of nowhere. It was so confusing ; random, almost.
His gaze met his after a few seconds, and there was no doubt, which area, his, eyes were focused on. He could see his gaze shifting, eyes locked on him, as they trailed lower.
" do you have do to that? " he said after a few seconds, in a questioning tone, his voice tinted with slight annoyance.
After keeping his eyes locked on his lower body for long enough, he suddenly shifted his gaze, as their eyes met.
And the look, he, was giving him---the way his eyes were narrowed on his, how his expression was completely unreadable, not even a faint smile curling around his face. It made him still, as he stood there, waiting for an answer, at least.
He caught him tilt his head forward a bit, leaning slightly off the wall.
" yeah, keep going, " he said sternly, the words coming out slow, as his voice remained low.
His gaze shifted away from him as he exhaled, eyes fluttering around his surroundings. It wasn't really a question, though. He needed to finish, finish showering atleast, with the thirty minutes at most, that he had left.
So, an inaudible sigh escaped his lips, as he turned back to face infront of him, placing his hand against the knob and turning the shower back on. He finished off with washing his body---applying enough wash into his hands, as he lathered it and began running it along his sides ; his chest, his back, his lower body,
Despite knowing that he, only a few steps away from him, was watching him, intrusively.
And after atleast a minute of suds running down along his side, he finally rinsed off the remaining soap, as water poured down against him, flowing down his back. He placed his hand against the knob as the water shut off, only dripping small amounts as it gradually died down. Exhaling, he turned to face his left as he placed his hand against the handle, sliding open the glass door. And as he stepped out, as he walked against the carpet beneath him, grabbing the towel that rested against the toilet---he could see him, see him in the corner of his eye, still leaning against the wall, tilting his head as he followed practically each and every one of his movements. But despite it, he just ignored him---tried to, at least.
They were now only inches apart, as Sieun stood still against the soft bath mat, water dripping down his sides as he brought the towel up towards him, and wrapped it around his upper body. Seongje was on his left, almost as still as a statue, as he kept his gaze locked infront of him, leaning back against the wall.
After drying off atleast most of his body, he brought the towel up above him, as he hastily rubbed it against his hair, trying to, in the quickest way possible, dry himself off. Once he brushed it up against his head for seemingly long enough, he turned to the side as he hung the damp towel up against the glass door, draping it across the top. With the toilet right infront of him, he began hastily grabbing his clothes, as he slipped his boxers on in the matter of seconds. As he looked at the remaining clothes resting against the toilet seat, it immediately hit him that his school uniform was the clothing he needed to put on---rather than the ones sitting infront of his line of sight.
So, without a question, he turned to face the door, as he stepped toward it, barely catching Seongje in the corner of his eye. But before he could even reach his hand out the grip the handle, to push the door open and walk out,
His upper body shuddered, when Seongje suddenly threw his hand around the side of his head, running his fingers through his damp hair as he gripped him tightly, pulling him towards his side. He felt him lean forward, just beside his shoulder, as he could just barely feel his face brushing up against his hair.
His breath stilled when he heard him inhale---when he felt his breath catch against his hair, when he felt the heat of it.
" mh, you smell so fucking good, " he muttered against him, his voice shallow, as the words came out as nothing but a breath.
He stood there, frozen, his mind racing with numerous thoughts---pushing him aside, shoving him away, swinging the door open to actually try and get ready. But his thoughts were immediately pushed aside, when he felt him shift.
He grunted underneath his breath when his grip against his hair tightened---when he, suddenly, pulled against his hair, practically forcing him to tilt his head to the side.
And when he felt his warm breathes catch his neck---when he felt him lean closer, pressing against his side ; when he felt his lips brushing up against his skin, feeling the heat each time he exhaled against him---his breath got caught in his throat. He had no doubts, what was coming next, as he could feel him just barely, brushing his lips against his skin, raggedly inhaling and exhaling, against him. But that's when his body decided to betray him, as in the matter of seconds, fear swept over him.
His body shuddered by the slightest when he felt him release his harsh grip against his hair, as he ran his hand down against him, slipping it onto the side of his neck, as he slowly tightened his grip against him.
And as if he had sensed it, his eyes grew wide when he felt, him, press his warm lips down against him---when he felt drag his tongue along his neck, pressing his lips down as he sucked at his skin. He closed his eyes, tensing at the feeling. In under half an hour, he would be at school ; sitting at a desk, beside his peers ; walking through hallways, passing by hundreds of students. And the thought of having something like this---having something like, this, against his neck, while being in the vicinity of hundreds of people. It wasn't exactly one of the things he was hoping for.
So despite hesitation, he managed to turn his head to the side, as one word, barely, slipped passed his lips,
" stop, " he said suddenly, coming out as nothing but a ragged breath.
He turned enough so that he could face him, as Seongje slowly pulled back, enough so that their eyes locked. And when he saw the way his eyes were narrowed on his---the way that heavy breathes were escaping his lips, as he kept them parted ; the way that he was eyeing him, staring---his breath stilled.
His gaze shifted for a few seconds, as he inhaled, eyes fluttering around them.
" i don't want people seeing-- " he began, the words coming out hastily,
Until Seongje immediately cut him off, before he could even finish his sentence. He tensed, a faint grunt escaping his lips, when he felt his grip tighten, his fingers digging into the side of his neck.
" i don't give a fuck, " he said hastily, muttering the words against the side of his face, coming out as nothing but a ragged exhale.
His head was now turned back to the side, his gaze hitting the front of the door, as he stood still. He felt Seongje shift, seemingly as if he'd leaned closer, pressingly firmly into his side.
And after at least a second, he felt him brush his lips up against him, again, each one of his ragged breathes hitting him like a heatwave, as he exhaled at the feeling.
" you should've locked the door, " he muttered against him, lips brushing against his neck, barely a whisper.
His entire upper body shuddered by the slightest, when he suddenly felt him press his wet tongue against his skin---when he felt him slowly, drag it upwards, brushing it up along his neck.
Almost immediately, he felt him shift, pressing firmer into his side as his grip against his neck tightened.
" and it's not my fault you taste so fucking good, " he purred into his ear, barely a breath, his voice ragged and hoarse.
▪︎
He stilled when he heard those words---when he heard his voice, when he heard, him, mutter those words directly into his ear, lips barely touching him.
And after a few seconds, he felt him pull back slightly, as he leaned in forward, and pressed his warm lips against his neck, continuing---continuesly running his tongue against him, pressing his lips down, sucking against his sensitive skin, all over. His grip only grew tighter, too, as he could feel his nails just barely digging into his skin, harsh enough to make him wince underneath his breath.
He closed his eyes tightly at the feeling, chest rising back and forth as he stood there, shallow exhales leaving his lips. There was no denying that it felt good, too---everything about it felt good, felt intoxicating. But his mind was set on one thing, one priority, to the point where he couldn't even focus, couldn't even take a second to 'enjoy' the sensation.
And he couldn't even tell how much time had passed---couldn't grab his phone turn it on, couldn't face a watch, couldn't analyze a clock. So everything about it, everything about this, was too much.
After at least a minute of nothing but hungry movements---nothing but Seongje devouring his side, and Sieun remaining still, frozen---one word managed to barely slip out of his mouth,
" seongje, " he said blankly, the word barely escaping his lips, coming out as nothing but a shallow exhale.
And surprisingly, after saying the word---that name---he actually stopped, slowly pulling back as he kept seemingly close, inches away from the side of his face.
Shallow, yet heavy breathes were escaping his lips as he kept his eyes focused infront of him, head tilted slightly downwards, as his chest rose back and forth.
" please, i need to, " he said slowly, the last word fading into nothing but a breath, turning his head to face him as their eyes locked, his voice low.
He didn't even know why that word slipped out of his mouth, why he was practically 'pleading' for Seongje to at least let him leave, to let him continue doing what he was focused on. But judging by his face, judging by the slightest furrow of his brows, it must've worked.
His eyes rested, almost closing, when he felt Seongje release his harsh grip against his neck, lowering his hand, as he exhaled at the feeling of not being continuesly pierced by his fingers. He heard him let out a deep sigh beside him, the heat of it barely catching against his shoulder.
And without a thought, his mind immediately regrouped as he reached for the handle, and turned the knob. He pulled the door open as he brushed passed the doorway, turning the corner as he headed towards his bed. His eyes caught the uniform resting against it---practically scattered throughout the mattress. But despite it, he reached his arm out as he grabbed his pants, brought them beneath his lower body, and slipped the on, pulling them up hastily. He did up the zipper, as he turned back to face the remaining clothes, and grabbed his shirt. He pulled it down over his head, as he pulled his blazer onto his arms.
He tilted his head slightly upwards, as he scanned the room. His gaze managed to catch his phone resting against the side table on his left, as he immediately walked over to grab it, turning it on. And when he saw the time, when he saw the three numbers lined across the bright screen beneath him, a wave of relief flowed through him, as he exhaled. Luckily, only about twenty minutes had passed since he'd first arrived at his appartment, now leaving him with atleast fifteen minutes or so. He exhaled, as he slipped it into his back pocket. Turning his head to face his right, he then walked over towards his desk, hastily put all of the things lying against it inside of his backpack, and zipped it up, throwing it around the back of his side.
Too focused to barely realize, he turned around to face the room behind him, when the whiff of smoke attacked his nostrils, as he inhaled. He tensed slightly at the smell, as his eyes caught Seongje, who unsurprisingly, was now suddenly in his kitchen---seeming as if he were looking through his fridge, holding one of his arms up as a cigarette rested in between his fingers.
Exhaling, he walked over, passing through the wooden floor as he entered the kitchen. He stopped when he hit the fridge, now standing beside him, as he caught him in the corner of his eye turn to face him. As his gaze shifted around the contents of the fridge, scanning for something to eat, atleast, he heard Seongje inhale sharply beside him, and then barely caught a trail of smoke pour down beneath them.
He leaned down, as he reached his arm out, hooking his fingers against one of the lower drawers.
" you know you really need to go grocery shopping or some shit, " Seongje suddenly said beside him, voice blank.
Processing what he'd said, he wasn't wrong, though---he hadn't really had the time to go run errands, anyway. Fact, the same went for him. At least from what he remembered, he recalled how he looked through his fridge, only to see barely anything, practically nothing.
But despite it, he pulled the drawer back, reached his arm forward, and grabbed a small apple resting against the clear plastic drawer. As he was about to pull back, he turned his head to his right to face him when he suddenly felt Seongje place his hand against his chest, leaning down a bit.
" wait, can you grab me one, " he said hastily, looking down at Sieun, cigarette still resting between his fingers.
He was almost dumbfounded by those words---how he just randomly asked for something, now, despite having plenty of time to grab something before Sieun even came over. But he complied, as turned back to face the drawer, grabbing another one from the corner.
Leaning back up straight, he held his hand out as he gave the apple to him, expression blank. He heard him let out a faint laugh, almost unhearable.
" thanks, " he said in between a slight laugh, grabbing the apple from Sieun's grasp.
He nodded his head slightly, as he then turned to face the front door, and began walking towards it.
Now that he had gotten somewhere near entirely ready, relief spread throughout entire body, as he began doing up his shoes. He leaned down, pulling over his shoes, and he slipped them on, tying them neatly. Just as he was about to stand up, he caught Seongje doing the same, beside him, leaning down as he flicked his fingers against the laces.
And soon enough, he reached his arm out towards the keys hanging on the wall toward his left, grabbed them, and stepped forward as he pulled the door open.
They both walked out, Seongje following Sieun, as he turned around, shut the door, and locked it, making a click noise that sounded.
With that, he turned to face the hallway infront of him, as he began walking down it, breezing passed the line of doors on his left as Seongje did the same, beside him, seemingly close.
▪︎
After waiting atleast five minutes, nothing but sitting against a metal bench, Seongje muttering random comments as Sieun listened blankly,
They were now sat in a bus, heading to eunjang, practically the same way they'd sat before---Seongje slumped back beside him, legs spread wide, tilting his head to the side as he looked out the window on his right, occasionally crunching against the apple in his grasp ; as Sieun sat against the backrest, leaning his head back as his backpack rested between his legs.
The bus shifted them slightly every second or so, making their shoulders brush up against one another, sides touching. His gaze remained focused infront of him, against the fabric of the seat infront of his line of sight, as his airpods rested in his ears, playing soft music into them---the kind of music that makes you want to close your eyes, that sends a wave of relaxation throughout your entire body.
And he just sat there, head leaning against the backrest, eyes on the verge of closing as he kept them slightly open. But barely, through the music that was playing directly into his ears, could he hear Seongje mutter something beside him.
It was muffled, too, drowned out by the music playing through his mind, as he turned his head to face him, just to confirm. He caught him looking at him, head tilted slightly downwards, as their eyes locked. He turned his head to the side as he brought his hand up towards his upper body, slowly taking one of his airpods out as he turned back to face him.
His mouth was about to open to say something, but before he could even take a second to get a word out, Seongje suddenly grabbed the airpod that was resting in between his fingers. He watched in awe, slightly dumbfounded, as he caught him bring his hand over towards his right, and judging by his movements, must've placed it in his ear, as he lowered his hand back down. Head tilted to the side as he faced him, he watched as Seongje's expression changed, slightly---almost as if he had turned focused, narrowing his eyes by the slightest, as his gaze focused ahead of him.
He caught him let out a faint laugh, fading into nothing but a breath.
" this sounds like the kind of shit you'd listen to, " he said suddenly, voice low, a faint smile curling around his face, as his gaze remained fixed infront of him.
Sieun turned his head back to the side as he leaned his head back against the seat, exhaling. With music only playing into one of his ears, he could actually manage to hear things, just barely, hear the sounds around him---the breeze whistling through the window, the people clamoring all around them, the bus whirring as it shifted every second or so against the road.
" all mellow or whatever, " Seongje added, as he slightly tilted his head to the side, still leaning back against the seat, just enough so that he could see Sieun beside him.
And for Sieun---he just barely, caught him in the corner of his eye, turn over to face him.
But in the matter of seconds, though, he shifted. It felt like an instinct, something that your body urges you to do, without even taking a second to process your actions. And for some reason, it felt, normal---something normal that he'd do, especially given that he's done it once, before.
So as he closed his eyes, seemingly tired, he slowly shifted over towards his right, leaning his head down against Seongje's shoulder as he rested himself there, breathing shallowly. He could've sworn he felt Seongje stiffen, felt his back straighten by the slightest, as he rested against him, head barely rising whenever he inhaled, exhaled.
And they stayed like, that ---
Sieun leaning against him, resting his head softly against his side, whilst Seongje remained seemingly still, dumbfounded---for atleast five minutes at most, nothing but shallow breathes and chests rising slowly.
Until, the bus managed to gradually stop, shifting them forward against the seat as it came it a halt, abruptly.
His eyes that were previously shut, seeming as if he could fall asleep any second, gradually fluttered open, as he leaned off of Seongje's side and brought his hands up towards his face to rub his eyes. After a few presses, hoping to rid himself of exhaustion, he lowered his hands down as he fixed his gaze below him.
However, he turned his head to the side when he heard him, heard his voice after what felt like forever.
" here, " Seongje said suddenly, underneath his breath, almost.
He faced him for a few seconds, until his gaze barely caught him reach one of his hands out, the airpod resting between his fingers. Without a question, he grabbed them from him, took the remaining one out of his ear, and slipped them back into the holder as he placed it into one of the pockets of his backpack.
And after the tired feeling that hung over him gradually managed to die down, he placed his hand against the seat infront of him, as he stood up, wrapping his fingers around the strap of his backpack as he pulled it over his shoulder. He followed after the people who stood up infront of him, each one seemingly wearing a uniform, clamoring with one another, as he kept his gaze fixated on the aisle floor.
Once he hit the front, he thanked the driver, turned the corner, and walked down the steps that led out to the ground floor. He walked forward a bit as soon as he hit the concrete floor, trying to avoid being in the way of others, as his gaze hit the seemingly large school infront of him, in the distance. An inaudible exhale escaped his lips, as he stared at it. He hasn't even been here, been to this school atleast, for a week at most, maybe even more. So it felt weird, standing here after so long, as students hastily brushed passed his sides.
Drowing in his thoughts, he turned his head to the side when he felt, him, brush his hand against his shoulder, pressing his arm against his back, as he stood right beside him.
" i'll be waiting for you after school, k? " he said beside him, face seemingly close towards the side of his face.
He came back to his senses when he heard those words. Given that it was his first day back, in a while, he knew that he was going to be busy---catching up with missing work, reading missed textbook pages, being assigned hundreds of work.
So just as he was about to open his mouth, to protest, to say something, at least, he stilled when he heard his voice again. So rather than a word escaping his lips, all that came out, was a shallow breath, an exhale.
" got something i want to show you, " Seongje muttered into his ear, lips barely brushing up against him.
He turned to face his side as soon as he felt him pull back, releasing his grip against him as his arm slid off his shoulder, lowering it. But before he could even say anything, anything that could help knock some sense into him, he was already walking away, about to turn the corner of a sidewalk in the distance.
He furrowed his brows, turning his face away as he exhaled. However, his eyes grew wide as he heard the loud noise blare around him ---
The faint, yet seemingly loud sound of a bell, blare in the far distance, making him slip back to reality.
So without a question, he began heading hastily for his school---walking up the sidewalk, climbing the seemingly long set of concrete stairs that lined the entrance of the school that towered over him.
And in nothing more than a few more minutes, he'd be sitting at a desk---attentively watching a teachers' lecture, hastily writing down notes against the paper below him,
Despite knowing that, he, would be waiting for him, leaning against one of the nearby walls, eyes locked on him, watching.
And once he brushed through the entrance, through the tall doors that lined the front of his school,
His mind gradually managed to slip back towards reality
| 8 : 15 A M
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Notes:
IM OPEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER!! if you have any ideas don't hesitate to share ‼️
i realized how long it was getting and im not even joking this isn't even HALF of how long it was supposed to be like i still have so many scenes to do < / 33 and HOPEFULLY they will be out sometime next week because senior year of hs is crazyy
but trust me the next chapter(s) will be worth ITT it's going to get good!! im trying to make their dynamic somewhatt more better but it's hard yall, so we just gotta trust the process 🙏
BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYEDD!! any feedback is greatly appreciated
🫶
Chapter Text
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| 9 : 36 A M
He was now sat down against a desk, his gaze shifting between the notebook resting against the wood below him, and the board infront of his line of sight. A pen was resting in between his fingers as he jotted notes down, hastily pressing his pen down against the lined paper.
Despite him feeling slightly tired, slightly exhausted, time seemed to fly by as seconds, as his classes breezed by.
For the most part, they were all the same ---
Teachers calling him over, giving him a weary face, asking where he's been ; catching him up on what he'd missed, handing him atleast a stack of missed work from the days he's been absent.
At one point though, as he was sitting against his desk, eyes focused on the paper beneath him, when the teacher suddenly called him over, as they told him to head to the counselors' office. It was just the usual talk---questioning him, their face washed over with worry as they asked him how he's been doing, what was going on. In response, he just told them how he was going through something, a family matter, as they immediately understood and allowed him to return to class.
But other than that, his classes went by smoothly, nothing but him focusing attentively, flipping pages of his notebook, returning his gaze to face the whiteboard up front.
▪︎
| 11 : 55 A M
As soon as the bell blared around him, cutting through the silence of papers rustling, students immediately began clamoring, the sound of zipping filling through the entire room, as everyone began rushing out through the door.
It was now lunch, as Sieun tilted his head down to face the backpack resting against the leg of his desk. He grabbed the remaining items lying on his desk---his notebook, pencil bag, and lose pens---as he slipped them into his backpack, now pulling against the zipper.
Standing up, he wrapped his fingers around the strap as he pulled it up and swung it over his back, now turning towards his side as he began walking passed the desks lined beside him. Unsurprisingly, he was the last one out, as he brushed passed the doorway and began heading for the cafeteria, loud students breezing passed him.
After walking down the endless hallway, he managed to reach the seemingly large cafeteria, as he brushed passed students walking hastily towards the line. He walked over, his expression blank, as he stood behind the long line of students waiting to put food on their trays. At least a full minute had passed, when he finally reached the serving section, reaching his arm out as he grabbed one of the metal trays on his left. The cafeteria worker place food on his plate---steamed vegetables, jasmin rice, roasted chicken---as he walked down the line.
With his tray now full, he turned around as he walked over towards an empty table nearby, placing his tray down against the plastic tabletop.
But just as he was about to sit down, to pull out a chair and sit down against it,
He suddenly turned his head to the side when he heard someone, faintly, call out his name, from the distance almost. It was loud enough to be noticeable, though.
And just as he turned his head to face whoever must've yelled his name, his eyes grew wide when, he, suddenly stepped forward and hugged him. When Juntae, stepped forwards in the matter of seconds, and threw his arms around his back, for nothing more than a few seconds at least.
His eyes grew slightly wider, as he stood there, completely dumbfounded. He tilted his head down a bit, just to confirm that it was him, as he couldn't even take a second to see who this person was before they practically 'lunged' at him. Judging by his height, his hair, his backpack, it must've been Juntae, though.
After only a few seconds of standing still, Juntae hugging him tight, he turned his to face him when he suddenly pulled back. Immediately, he saw how worried he looked.
" where have you been? are you okay? did you-- " Juntae began, the words slipping hastily out of his mouth as his eyes fluttered around Sieun.
Sieun exhaled, expression blank as he looked down at him. He was talking fast, too, words slipping out of his mouth till the point it was barely understandable. So, he reassured him, trying to atleast ease him down a bit.
" i'm okay, " he said suddenly, overlapping Juntae's haste words as his voice remained low, nodding his head by the slightest.
He watched as Juntae let out shallow sigh, his breathes gradually becoming less ragged as he stood there, gaze shifting about their surroundings.
After standing straight against the tiled cafeteria floor for atleast a few seconds at most, he caught Juntae slowly drag a chair out from the long table. He pulled it out enough, slipped his backpack off, and carefully placed it against the floor beneath them, resting it against the leg of the table.
Sieun did the same. He pulled out one of the chairs just beside his, pulled backpack off, leaned it against the table, and sat down against the plastic chair. Staring blankly down at the metal tray beneath him, he picked up the chopsticks resting inside of the tray and began slowly eating his food. He didn't know what to do, either---didn't know whether or not he should say something, elaborate on why he 'disappeared' so suddenly.
But after stsring blankly at his tray for a few seconds or so, he turned his head to the side when he heard Juntae right beside him, on his left.
" sieun-- me and gotak went to your appartment atleast four times and you weren't there, " he began, his voice filled with worry, his words coming out hastily.
Sieun looked at him for a brief second, before shifting his gaze. He blinked as he looked at the table beneath him, hands resting against it.
" i were thinking about calling the police, but gotak said i shouldn't, " he added, his voice gradually fading lower.
He turned his head to the side as he faced him. He watched as Juntae tilted his head down, facing the table below them, exhaling underneath his breath.
And by his expression, he could tell that he was worried---frustrated, confused. But for Sieun, he was along the lines of those emotions, too. His mind was spiralling, as he tried to figure out the best way to say it---how to word it, what to say, exactly. How to say what he was going through, what happened to him ; how he lost someone he loved, someone he deeply cared about.
Despite his mind being flooded to the brim with thoughts, he decided to go with something simple, and atleast try to reassure him
" i was staying with my mom for a few days, i didn't mean to make you guys think that, " he said blankly, looking over at Juntae's side.
He caught Juntae look over, turning his head to the side to face him. After a few seconds, he exhaled audibly, as he nodded his head, his face seemingly somewhat less anxious.
After a few seconds, he pivoted his head back to the side to face his tray, as he continued eating his food, the chopsticks resting in between his fingers.
" i'm just glad that your back, we all missed you " Juntae said beside him, his voice becoming more normal, more empathetic.
Sieun looked over at him for a few seconds, to see a soft smile against his face, making him nod his head slightly, as he turned back to face infront of him.
As he continued eating, the two of them sitting in tolerable silence as the cafeteria around them blared with students clamoring, have overly loud conversations, his mind suddenly turned to one thing. It only slipped passed his mind before of one word, said by Juntae :
| ' we '
That managed to make his mind flood with thoughts, with questions. Where were the others? He assumed that when he said, we, he must've been talking about Baku and Gotak. But atleast from at this moment, they didn't seem to be here, not at the cafeteria, nor with Juntae.
So, as he continued slowly eating the food below him, placing rice and chicken into his mouth with his chopsticks, he managed to ask the question.
" where are baku and gotak? " he asked blankly, gaze fixated on the tray below him as he continued eating.
He caught Juntae turn to face him in his peripheral vision, almost immediately.
" oh, their at a basketball tournament " he hastily replied, his voice sounding more energetic, in a way.
Sieun nodded, bringing his hand up towards his face as he continued finishing off his food, picking it up off of the tray with the chopsticks in between his fingers.
Suddenly, though, after atleast a minute of nothing of them sitting beside one another---Sieun slowly eating the food beneath him, as Juntae sat beside him---he managed to just barely catch him shift. He turned his head to the side when he saw him lean down, lowering his hands as he rummaged through his backpack that rested against the floor.
He caught him slip a notebook out of his backpack, thick with pages, as he brought it up and placed it against the table, beside him.
" here, it has all the notes from the previous lessons " Juntae said beside him, with a faint smile.
Sieun looked over at him for a few seconds, slightly dumbfounded, until he turned back as his gaze hit the leather notebook below them. He lowered his hand to the side as he slowly flipped the cover to the left, opening the notebook. He ran his finger against the side of the pages, flipping them, as he got glimpses of the notes lined across each page---all neatly written, perfectly organized, color coded.
For someone who dedicated all his time into his academics, even he, was surprised by how neat the notes looked. He knew Juntae was the same, someone who didn't take a second to disregard his education, but still.
" thank you, " he said in response, looking over at Juntae as he nodded his head slightly.
He slowly brushed his fingers against the soft papers, flipping the pages as he examined them. His eyes caught Juntae reach out his hand, pointing his finger at something across the top of the page.
" it's all in order by units, see here " Juntae said beside him, his voice seemingly excited as Sieun kept his gaze fixated on the notebook.
Juntae reached out his hand as he used his finger to point at the top left corner of the page, tapping against a few neat words and atleast one number lined across the top of the page. Sieun nodded, still dumbfounded by how well organized his work was.
" would you mind if i kept it for a few days? " Sieun asked blankly, turning his head to face Juntae beside him.
During his classes, his teachers didn't exactly go over the entirety of everything he missed, because obviously, they still needed to teach the rest of the students the new lessons. So, having something like this would be a life saver, and save him hours of countless studying.
He caught Juntae look over, and almost immediately, he nodded hastily, a warm smile across his face.
After a few seconds, Sieun turned back as his gaze focused on the notebook below him. His eyes darted around the paper, scanning all the notes neatly written along the lines.
" hey! are you busy afterschool? we should go study at the library and i can catch you up on the topics you missed, " Juntae suddenly said beside him, his voice tinted with excitement.
His fingers that were previously flipping the pages came to a halt, as he stilled. He paused, as he processed the words that came out of Juntae.
It immediately hit his mind, so hard that his breath stilled. The words that, he, told him, that he muttered into his ear right before he practically vanished in the matter of seconds. And he knew that there would be no changing it---no protesting, no acceptions. He knew that as soon as he walked down the concrete stairs, as soon as he brushed passed the towering metal gate, he'd be there. Leaning against some nearby wall, eyes focused on him, waiting.
But he had to say something, had to make a decision, at least. Obviously, he needed this---needed to get caught up, needed someone to atleast enhance his understanding of the concepts he missed. So now, it was between Juntae, or him. With the notebook, though, that would help him at least better understand the majority of the topics he missed.
And after a few seconds of nothing but his mind racing, thoughts speeding passed his head, the words managed to slip out of his mouth.
" yeah. my mom's taking me somewhere after school, " he replied blankly, gaze fixated below him.
His body reacted in seconds, as guilt swept over him, attacking him. He tried to push it aside, though---tried to push away the fact that he prioritized someone like, him, over someone like Juntae.
He caught him look over towards him, for a brief second, as he kept his eyes locked on the notebook beneath him.
" oh, no worries! just let me know when your free so i can help, " Juntae immediately replied, the words coming out hastily.
Sieun nodded, still trying to brush off the remaining guilt that hung over him. He turned his head to the side to face his tray, only a few remnants of food left scattered throughout the sections.
But turns out, he must've not been keeping track of time, because after just a few more seconds, the loud bell blared around them, overlapping the loud conversations echoing throughout the large cafeteria. He tilted his head up to face the area around him, as he caught numerous students standing up, clamoring, pushing chairs back into the tables. It barely even felt like that long, too---nothing more than a few minutes at most, maybe ten.
Despite his spiralling thoughts, though, he snapped back to reality as he slowly stood up, stepping passed the chair and pushing it back beneath the table. He caught Juntae do the same beside him, standing up as he pushed in his chair. Lowering his hands to grab the metal tray, he held it in his grasp as he walked over to the nearby trashcan against one of the tall pillars, as placed it against the top, stacking above the rest of the trays that lied against the top of the trashcan.
Walking back over towards their table, he leaned down as he reached to grab his backpack, pulling it up to rest it against the table. He grabbed the leather notebook resting against the table on his left, as he slipped it into his backpack, now pulling against the zippers as he closed it.
" i'll see you afterschool okay sieun! " Juntae suddenly said beside him, a warm smile lined across his face.
He turned his head to face him, his mouth about to open, slightly dumbfounded by those sudden words---but before he could even get a word out, Juntae was already across the cafeteria, hastily walking towards his next class, he assumed.
Turning back to face the backpack below him, his expression blank, he reached for the fabric straps as he pulled it over his shoulder. As students continued scraping chairs against the floor, rustling their backpacks as they hastily threw them over their shoulders, Sieun followed after them, walking through the cafeteria as he passed by the tables and towering pillars lined against the tiled floor.
He passed through the tall doorway as he began passing students left and right, walking down the seemingly long hallway towards his next class.
▪︎
| 3 : 21 P M
The class around him was completely silent.
Only the sound of papers rustling, students hastily pressing their pens down against papers, sounded throughout the room. Sieun was sat at his desk, now in his final class, as he leaned over the desk, staring attentively down at the lined paper beneath them.
The teacher, standing straight at the very front of the classroom, eyeing each and every student the class consisted of, had told them to answer the question on the whiteboard sophisticatedly, in detail. At the edge of the teachers' seemingly wide desk, there was a timer---one of those digital screened timers that displayed the numbers clearly.
Occasionally, they would call out the time---practically yell it out due to how silent the class was, as students focused on the papers below them.
And by the time Sieun heard them reach the two minute mark, he exhaled inaudibly, as he rested his pen down against the wooden desk. Ten minutes straight, at least, was about the time he'd been writing for. It got to the point where his hand gradually started to ache, as he tried to maintain neat handwriting.
So after dropping his pen, resting it against the lined paper after so long, a wave of relief swept through him. And after leaning over his desk for so long, tilting his head to the side to get the perfect angle, a slowly sat back up as he rested against the chair behind him. Tilting his head down slightly, he looked at the paper beneath him. He eyed the paper, counting the sentences. There was atleast six complete sentenced lined across the page, each one neatly spaced, written with detail---practically taking up half of the entire paper.
Eyes fixated below him, he shifted his gaze upwards when he heard the teacher call out the final minute. He didn't even need to look around to see, to confirm, how fast his peers were rushing, were writing. He could hear it---hear the sounds of pens hastily being pressed against the paper, the sounds of wood being scraped against.
And after what felt like much longer than it should've, the teacher finally urged the students to put their pens down. The silence that previously hung over the class was shattered---students clamoring, conversing with one another the second the teacher called it off.
He sat still, gaze fixated below him as he caught the teacher begin walking across the classroom, slowly walking down the aisles of desks as he reached out and grabbed the papers from each student. After a few seconds, he tilted his up slightly as his eyes darted around the room. His gaze managed to hit a clock hanging up against one of the walls in the distance, just above the teachers' large desk. And to his surprise, there were only three minutes left until the final bell rings.
But as he sat there, a phrase, two words, managed to slip passed his mind---cram school. If he were going to be honest, attending school felt already enough to make him feel exhausted, worn out ; especially given that it was his first day back, too. So the idea of attending cram school directly after this, wasn't really one he was hoping for. Along with that, it wasn't really a question, either, whether or not he should attend. He knew that, he, wouldn't even take a second to let him do something like that, to let him leave his sight, at least.
So, with his mind set on the decision, he began slowly clearing his desk of items---picking up the remaining pens as he placed them back into the pencil bag, lowering his hand as he slipped it into his backpack. He slowly pulled against the zipper as he closed it, the students around him seeming to all do the same as the room grew louder and louder by the second.
Only after a minute or so, did the bell finally ring, blaring around the room.
The teacher yelled out one final note, something regarding next class, but it was heavily overlapped by the students overly loud conversations. Everyone immediately rushed out, students brushing passed one another as everyone hastily pushed in their chairs.
Sieun did the same. He pushed in his chair, leant down, and pulled his backpack across his shoulder. And just as every other student was doing, he passed through the aisle of desks as he followed the crowd, now brushing passed the doorway that led out to the busy corridor. He kept his gaze fixated infront of him as he walked down the hallway, students hastily brushing passed his side, as if they were in a hurry. And after a few seconds of nothing but walking down a seemingly long hallway, getting his shoulder bumped every second or so, he turned the corner as he passed through the tall doorway that exited the school.
Now walking down along the set of concrete stairs that lined the entrance of the school, he kept his gaze fixed below him, expression blank. But almost immediately, he turned his head to the side, tilting his head back upwards, when he heard someone call out his name. It was loud, too---loud enough for his mind to go completely blank in the matter of seconds, as he turned to see who it must've been.
Unsurprisingly, it was Juntae, now rushing over towards him from across the other side of the stairs. He stopped mid step, slowing for a second or so, as Juntae finally caught up to him, noticeably breathing heavily. He looked at him, blankly---dumbfounded. After seeming as if he'd caught his breath, he watched as Juntae looked up at him, a faint smile across his face, as he turned and began walking down the steps. Without a question, Sieun did the same, beside one another.
He turned his head to the side when he heard Juntae, who seemed to still be breathing slightly heavily, gaze fixed on the stairs below them as they walked.
" i thought i wouldn't catch you for a second, my class was at the back of the school, " he said hastily, a warm smile a across his face as his voice sounded relieved.
They continued walking down the long set of concrete stairs, slowly inching their way closer towards the main road, towards the towering gate that guarded the entrance of the school.
But not only, until he tilted his head upwards ---
Not only until he shifted his gaze, now focusing on the surroundings infront of him, did his heart skip a beat. With his eyes fixated infront of him, he lazily scanned his surroundings---all the students brushing passed them, walking in the distance as they continued climbing down the shallow stairs. But barely, in the corner of his eye, did he manage to spot something, someone.
And as soon as his gaze landed on him, as soon as he saw him, in the distance on his right, he immediately darted his eyes away. Barely even for a second, maybe less, did he look at him---the silhouette leaning against the wall in the distance. He almost came to a halt, stopping against the stairs, but forced himself not to as they continued walking. And the way he reacted, the way his body reacted, made his stomach sink---made his breath get caught in his throat, made him tense.
He didn't even look over---didn't even turn his head, didn't turn to face him. He just kept his gaze fixated in front of him, tilting his head slightly down to see the concrete stairs below him.
But in the matter of seconds, his mind began racing, spiralling. Obviously, for many reasons, it wasn't even a question whether or not he'd walk over to him at, this, moment---with Juntae, right beside him, walking next to him, totally oblivious of the gravity of the situation. For one, it was obvious. Juntae was nosy, always asking him questions about what happened---how, when, where. Especially after what, he, did to him---dragging him onto the rooftop, beating him senseless, leaving him on the verge of passing out against the concrete floor. And with him, with Juntae, literally only inches away from him? Just the thought alone, made his face grow hot, made his body tense, all over.
And his mind was too fogged, too filled with racing thoughts to barely even hear Juntae, beside him.
" hey are you heading to the bus stop? " he suddenly said beside him, in a questioning tone, his voice filled with energy.
But for Sieun, his voice sounded faint, in the back of his head, drowned out by the thoughts that attacked his mind. They were passing through the tall metal gate, hitting the concrete sidewalk as he continued walking without a thought, gaze fixated infront of him.
And he could feel the phone in his back pocket, vibrating---buzzing continuesly with notifications, but luckily silent enough so that it wasn't hearable. But despite sound, he could feel it, feel how his phone kept vibrating, repeatedly, continuesly.
However, he managed to slip back to reality, push away his thoughts, atleast, when he caught Juntae in the corner of his eye look over at him, facing him.
" sieun? " he said beside him, looking over at him, furrowing his eyebrows by the slighest.
Sieun looked over, breathes slightly heavy as his mind raced back and forth. He exhaled, though, as he nodded his head, despite not knowing what he must've said, before. He caught a warm smile wash over Juntae's face, as he turned his head back to face the front of them, as Sieun did the same.
After atleast half a minute or so of being attacked with constant notifications, he slowly, lowered his hand as they walked. Carefully, he slipped his hand into his back pocket as he pulled out his phone, holding it beneath the side of his face. He turned it on, swiped up, and immediately put it on silent, not even taking a second to see the stack of notifications lined across the screen. Without a question, he turned it off as he slipped it into his back pocket, tilting his head back up to face infront of them.
As they walked down the concrete sidewalk, passing by seemingly tall buildings and quiet side streets, Juntae occasionally mentioned things here and there, commenting on school---how his classes went, what he did in each one of them, and so on. Sieun replied blankly to all of them, turning his head to the side, facing him for a few seconds as they walked towards the bus stop passed the main roads.
And as much as he tried to push, him, towards the back of his mind, as much as he tried to flood him out of his head, he couldn't. That was one of the reasons to why he was so tense, why he felt like he could burst into pieces any minute.
But after atleast five minutes straight of breezing passed the concrete sidewalk, passing by busy family-owned shops and buildings, they managed to hit the bus stop, as they turned the corner and walked towards it. However, as they walked up to it, he knew that he needed to say something---something to atleast, make it so Juntae wasn't continuesly by his side. But he didn't even know what he was doing, didn't know where he was going to go, what he was going to do. All he knew, though, was that he wasn't getting on the bus that was now pulling up beside the sidewalk, coming to a halt.
So, now standing beside one another as the bus slowly creeped up towards them, he turned to face Juntae, as the words slipped out.
" i need to meet my mom somewhere, i'll see you tomorrow, " he said blankly, the words slipping off of his tongue without hesitation.
Almost immediately, guilt attacked him as he saw Juntae turn to face him, slightly furrowing his brows. After a few seconds, though, he nodded, as the noise of the bus screeching to a halt sounded around them.
" ok! i'll see you at school tomorrow sieun! " Juntae said hastily, a warm smile lined across his face as he faced him for a few seconds, before turning around.
He watched as he turned around to face the bus just beside him, as he stepped up the small set of stairs lining the entrance of the bus. After staring blankly, for a few seconds at most, he then turned around to face the the rows of sidewalks, the buildings lined across them on his right.
And almost immediately, a wave of relief swept over him, as he closed his eyes and exhaled underneath his breath.
Just behind him, he heard the bus start up, the engine humming as he caught it in the corner of his eye, drive away, fading into the distance. Standing still against the concrete pavement as cars passed by his side, he sighed inaudibly, as he began walking down the sidewalk, eyes fixated below him, without a thought.
▪︎
The whole situation alone, made his mind twist, made him tense.
The what if, the impacts, the effects---all of it, everything that you could imagine, was racing through his mind. What would've happened, what could've happened, if Juntae saw, him---if he saw Sieun casually walk up to, him. What he would've thought, what he would assumed if he saw him with somewhat like, that ; someone like him.
But now that it was over, at least, his mind gradually died down, his head not continuesly being flooded with thoughts.
So now, he was just walking along the sidewalk, mind still blank as he kept his gaze fixated below him. He had no idea where he was going, too, but if he were going to be honest, he didn't care. He was relieved, alleviated from the entire situation.
Still passing by tall buildings on his left, walking beneath large signs that branched out from the walls of each building or so, his mind managed to remind him, trigger him, when he heard a nearby phone ring---faint, but loud enough to barely be heard. So, as he continued walking, expression blank as his gaze faced the sidewalk beneath him, he lowers his hand as he slipped it into his back pocket, slowly pulling out his phone.
Looking blankly down at it as he held it in his grasp, he was about to swipe up, about to turn it on, at least, until he was cutoff.
He'd probably only been walking mindlessly down the sidewalk, passing by buildings, for nothing more than five minutes at most. So as he was about to brush his finger against the phone, the screen barely lighting up, he couldn't even take do so, before being practically shoved at.
And it was so sudden, too, so unexpected that his eyes shot open, breath getting stuck in his throat. In the matter of seconds, someone, coming from behind him, hastily grabbed the front of his shirt, tightening their grip against his chest, and aggressively shoved him to the side, making his head bang against the concrete wall behind him. There was no question who it was, either.
As soon as he was shoved into the wall, head thudding back against the concrete, he closed his eyes as he grunted at the impact. His head rang for a few seconds at least, a sharp wave of pain spreading throughout the back of his head, as he tensed.
But after a few seconds though, trying to atleast ease the pain, his eyes immediately reopened when he heard his voice, felt it, against his face. When he heard the ragged breathes slipping out of his mouth, feeling the heat of it.
" you fucking bitch, " he said raggedly, his face seemingly close, in between heavy breathes, seeming as if he had just ran for miles on end.
Now breathing slightly heavily, he stared at him in awe, completely dumbfounded---at how his eyes were narrowed, at how his mouth hung open, at how his chest seemed to be rising restlessly, back and forth, shifting the black shirt barely noticeable underneath his carmine blazer.
And without any warning whatsoever, it happened so fast that Sieun couldn't even take a second to breath.
He gasped inaudibly, eyes remaining open as, he, suddenly leaned forward, practically pressing his weight against him, as his mouth clashed against his. His eyes remained open, dumbfounded, his body being pushed so tightly against the wall that it hurt, as Seongje's grip only tightened against the fabric of his blazer, making him grunt into his mouth---the mouth that was practically devouring his, the lips that were pressing firmly, roughly against his.
It only lasted for only seconds, too, so fast that he couldn't even take a second to breath, to think, as he stood there frozen. And it barely took him a minute to realize that they were in public---cars casually driving passed the road behind them, people potentially peering through their windows. So once he suddenly pulled back, after viciously pressing his lips against his, Sieun gasped, audibly.
Heavy, yet shallow exhales escaped his lips, as his eyes fluttered around him, still dumbfounded, confused. He, pulled back only enough so that their faces were still seemingly close, each one of his ragged breathes hitting against his skin. He stood still, watching in awe, as he caught a faint smile suddenly curl around his mouth. And in the matter of seconds, he felt him slide his hand further back against his blazer, tightly gripping his shoulder, as his head fell down, laughing. He just stared, exhaling inaudbly, as Seongje bursted out laughing below him---not one of those hard laughs, but one that faded into nothing but a breath after a few seconds.
He exhaled, eyes fluttering around their surroundings---the buildings across the road, the sidewalk, the people who occasionally, passed by---as he finally caught him tilt his head back up slightly, faint laughs still slipping out of his mouth. After a few more seconds, he heard him let out a long sigh, fading into a breath, as their eyes met. Sieun looked blankly at, him, eyesbrows furrowed, mouth hung open as he breathed shallowly. A faint grin was lined across his face, his eyes narrowed, before he let out a slight scoff underneath his breath.
Suddenly, he felt his grip shift as he brushed his hand further, sliding it behind the back of his shoulder, as he practically shoved him forwards, almost making him stumble at the sudden action.
And almost immediately, he held his grip tightly around the back of his upper body, his arm resting just above the back of his chest with his hand gripping his shoulder, as he began moving, walking up the concrete sidewalk, practically 'forcing' Sieun to walk alongside, him.
" fucking making me track you down and shit, " he muttered beside him, in between a faint scoff that faded into a breath.
Sieun, expression blank, eyebrows still slightly furrowed, just proceeded to walk alongside him---though, he didn't really have a choice either way. Just as before, his mind was spiralling, trying to atleast make sense of the situation---of how he, suddenly managed to find him ; how he suddenly, shoved him against a wall without any warning ; how he, without any hesitation, casually held his grip tight against him as he pressed his lips, roughly, against his.
And now? He was just casually resting his arm against his upper body, across the back of his shoulders, walking hastily up the sidewalk. He had no idea where, they, were going, too---not a clue, as Seongje continued breezing passed the sidewalk, keeping his grip tight against him.
So despite his mind being clouded with thoughts, his head still filled with confusion, he managed to get a few words out. He turned his head to the side the face him, who was, unsurprisingly, seemingly close to his side.
" what are you doing, " he said blankly, a tint of a questioning tone within his voice, as he looked at him.
Seongje's head that was previously fixated infront of them, eyes focused on his line of sight, immediately turned to the side. His gaze hit his, as their eyes locked.
His faced looked, unreadable, too---no slight hint of a grin around his face, of a faint smile. His eyes were narrowed, as he eyed Sieun for a few seconds, at most.
" what does it look like? " he said suddenly, tilting his head at him as they continued walking up the sidewalk.
The way he said it, too, made it seem, made it sound as if it were obvious---as if he were supposed to know exactly what, he, was doing, where they were going. He caught a faint smile curl around his mouth, as he leaned forward, slightly.
" taking you somewhere nice, " he continued, a faint grin lined across his face, as he kept his face focused on Sieun.
After seemingly long enough, he turned his head back to face infront of them as he kept his gaze fixated on the distance ahead of them, tilting his head slightly down enough so that he could atleast see where he was walking ; trying not to stumble from Seongje's tight grip against him.
Barely, in the corner of his eye, he managed to catch, him, shift by the slighest, seeming as if he had leaned closer, as his hand gripped his shoulder tightly. He exhaled when he felt the heat of his breathes against the side of his face.
" just be patient, ok? " he muttered beside him, mockingly, lips barely grazing against the side of his face.
He heard him laugh slightly underneath his breath, before he caught him lean back, fixing his gaze infront of them as he continued resting his arm against his side.
Hearing those words, though, he usually would've questioned it, questioned what it meant, asked for a direct answer. But at this point, he just decided to push it aside, care less of it.
▪︎
Ten minutes, atleast, of nothing but walking along the concrete pavement, gliding by buildings on their left and right, passed.
For the most part, Sieun walked in silence, only speaking occasionally when he'd hear, him, say something beside him---point out something dumb, make a comment on their surroundings. And luckily, the entirety of his weight wasn't pressing against the back of his upper body anymore, as Seongje remained by his side, walking slightly faster as time flew by.
He'd get phone calls almost at random, as Sieun could see him, in the corner of his eye, slip his phone out of his pocket and raise it to towards his face. He wasn't the one to overhear conversations, easedrop atleast, but it was practically unavoidable due to how close they were. So as he kept his gaze fixated infront of him, expression blank, focusing on the sidewalk ahead of him, he could hear his voice beside him. Judging by his tone and volume, atleast, it must've been something serious, something seemingly urgent. But that assumption was immediately confirmed when he just barely, caught one word, overheard one word between his overly loud conversation---union.
That managed to confirm it, to confirm that he was still involved with the union. But he if we're going to be honest, that wasn't one of the main things that was one his mind at the moment, atleast. Studying, placing his backpack down against his desk, pulling his chair out as he leaned over the wooden top, brushing his pen against the silky lined paper notebook---that, was what he was focused on. Was what he was hoping to do as soon as, this, ended, which he hoped would be soon.
And after atleast a few more minutes of continuous walking, Seongje seeming to walk progressively faster as seconds passed, they managed to hit a busy intersection. The loud engines of cars speeding by sounded throughout them, as tall, city-like buildings surrounded them. They came to a halt, Sieun stopping as soon as he saw Seongje beside him stand still just beside the towering light pole, once they reached the entrance of the crosswalk. He turned his head to the side as he scanned the area, furrowing his brows by the slightest. From what he had remembered, he didn't recognize anything about this area, had no idea where he was---everything looked unfamiliar ; the tall buildings, the mediocre skyscrapers, the busy sidewalks with atleast hundreds of people walking along them.
As he was drowning in his thoughts, pivoting his head to the sides as cars continuesly breezed passed the streets that intercrossed one another, he came back to his senses when he heard him say something beside him, too faint to be heard over his ruminating thoughts. He turned his head back around, and only seconds after he did, he felt Seongje shove him forwards slightly, enough to almost make him stumble forward, as he felt him rest his hand against the fabric of his backpack.
He heard him let out a faint laugh beside him, as they walked along the crosswalk, people brushing passed their sides.
" you get distracted so fucking easily it's cute, " he heard him mutter beside him, underneath his breath, between a slight scoff.
All aside, though, he wasn't really distracted ---
He was busy trying to figure out where, they, were ; their location, to atleast get a sense of where he was taking him. But he just pushed it aside, as he continuesly scanned the area around them ; the sets of sidewalks, the wide streets, the seemingly tall buildings. And surprisingly the blinding sky that he saw earlier now seemed to fade away, growing more fainter as sunset approached, making hues of orange and yellow appear throughout the sky.
He turned his head back to the side once they hit the pavement, stepping up onto the concrete sidewalk. They walked across it for nothing more than a minute at least, passing by buildings lined across the pavement on their left. However, only after a few more steps, did he manage to catch something.
It was directly infront of his line of sight, in the distance that stretched ahead of them. With a small roof held up by thin pillars on each side, it was a subway entrance---a stairway, barely noticeable from the distance, that disappeared into the ground below them.
And based off Seongje's gaze that focused directly infront of them as they inched closer and closer to it, he was assuming that they were going to enter it, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions. Only after a few more steps, did they manage to reach the entrance, unsurprisingly.
Still walking beside him, they managed to hit the stairway as they began climbing down the stairs. Sieun kept his gaze fixated below him, staying to the side as people climbed up the stairs beside them. In the corner of his eye, though, he barely managed to catch Seongje lower his hand, slip it into his back pocket.
He tilted his head slightly to the side when he caught him bring his hand backout, something resting between his fingers.
" here, you know how these work right? " he said beside him, reaching his hand out towards Sieun's side.
Eyebrows slightly furrowed, he stared down at the card resting within his grasp. Without a question, he brought his hand up as he grabbed it from him, raising it slightly up towards his face to see it better. It was a small card, about the size of any other credit card you'd see on an everyday basis, with a bright yellow wash. The words,
| Single Journey Ticket
Were lined across it, neatly spaced in black text, as other small graphics surrounded the card. And after examining it for barely a second, it didn't take him long to understand what it was.
" yeah, " he said blankly, nodding his head slightly, holding the card in his hand as they continued climbing down the stairs, inching closer towards the ground floor.
He heard Seongje mutter something beside him, but it was too quiet to be understandable, as the loud ambience of conversations, machines beeping, and repetitive footsteps, came through clear. Only after a few more steps, they managed to hit the tiled floor, as he followed Seongje.
Walking beside him, he scanned the area, turning his head from left to right as they inched closer towards the row of turnstiles lined across the tiled floor. The area was busy, people hastily brushing passed their sides, quickly breezing through the gates. Now that he'd thought of it, he's probably only been in a subway atleast once---a vague, faint memory of him entering one as a kid, alongside his mother.
Once they managed to reach the row of turnstiles, he stepped toward the one beside Seongje, as he lowered his hand against the screen, pressing the card against the scanner. Almost immediately, the gates opened, as he walked through, now standing beside, him, again. He followed him, looking around blankly as they walked down the seemingly long, spacious hallway, pillars lined across the tiled floor on their left and rights. As he did so, he lowered the hand with the card as he slipped it into his back pocket.
Unsurprisingly, they hit another stairway. This time, however, it was seemingly longer, stretching miles down towards the distance below them. He exhaled, as he stepped forward, climbing down the stairs beside Seongje. He kept his gaze fixated below him as he focused on the tiled stairs beneath him, occasionally tilting his head back up to see if they'd made any distance, any progress. But luckily, he could see that they were getting closer towards the bottom, inching their way towards the hallway miles down, beneath the surface.
And after seemingly long enough, nothing but them hastily, yet slowly breezing down the stairway, they managed to hit the floor. Immediately he followed as Seongje turned to the left, hastily walking down the corridor, shoulders stiff, head up high. He caught him turning his head to the sides, almost seeming as if he were looking for something, scanning the area around them. But turns out that must've been what he was doing, as he suddenly stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway, and turned to the side, walking up towards the wall on their right.
Sieun followed without a question, slightly dumbfounded as he walked up him. He turned his head to the side, facing the wall that Seongje seemed to be focused on. Sitting against the wall, a large, neatly organized map of all the routes throughout the subway was posted. There was no doubt that it was complicated to read---tons of small, multicolored lines intertwining with one another, crossing different paths, each one seemingly small scaled.
But after a few seconds of mindlessly looking at the complex map, he turned his head slightly enough to face Seongje, beside him. He stared in awe, watching as he caught him squinting his eyes, leaning forward enough so that his glasses were inches away from touching the wall infront of them. Judging by his expression, by his eyes that were being tensely squinted, by his eyebrows that were being furrowed, his vision must've been bad---up close, at least.
So after watching him blankly, standing still beside him, he heard him let out a faint, frustrated sounding sigh, as he caught him turn to face him.
" what does that say, " he said suddenly, tilting his head over at Sieun as he raised his hand to press his finger against the map, pointing at one of the texts.
Sieun looked at him for a few seconds, their eyes locking, before turning back to face the map. He leaned forward just enough to focus on the words that he must've been pointing at, as he read them aloud,
" eastbound route, " he said blankly, gaze fixated on the map infront of him as he barely squinted his eyes at it.
He turned back to face Seongje as he leaned back a bit, who was unsurprisingly, staring at him with that same unreadable face. Their eyes locked for a few seconds, before Seongje turned away, nodding slightly. And in the matter of seconds, he began walking again, breezing passed the hallway as Sieun followed, exhaling underneath his breath.
Now beside him, they walked down the hallway, people breezing passed their sides, as they finally hit the actual platform.
Passing through the tall doorway as they turned the corner, Sieun scanned the area as they came to a halt. He caught Seongje, in the corner of his eye, lean back against the wall behind them, letting out deep sigh. The sound of rushing wind and wheels screeching to a halt sounded throughout the area, as he caught the subway car approach, slowly stopping. But despite it, he still looked around, pivoting his head to the sides, scanning the area---the thick tilted pillars that lined the area, the seemingly long hallways that stretched both ways, the faint white lights that illuminated the area around them. And for some reason, everything about it felt so, nostalgic ; similar almost, like he's stood here before.
Staring at the area around him, he turned his head back to the side when he caught Seongje lean off the wall---when he felt him rest his arm against his backpack. Almost immediately the glass gates lined across the entire platform slowly slid open, as people began rushing inside. They did the same, following after the people who hurriedly stepped onto the train car.
He followed as Seongje immediately turned to the left and slumped down against one of the blue fabric seats, stretching his arms out, groaning underneath his breath. Sieun looked blankly at him for a few seconds before raising his hand, hooking it around the strap of his backpack and he slowly pulled it off. He sat down against the seat beside him as he lowered the backpack between his legs, resting against the front of the solid seat, below him.
Leaning back against the suprisingly soft backrest, he closed his eyes for a few seconds, exhaling. After fifteen minutes straight, at most, of walking continuesly---hastily walking down infinite sidewalks, climbing down stairs that stretched for miles---sitting down after so long felt amazing. And based off Seongje beside him, he must've felt the same, as they both exhaled shallowly, leaning back against the seats behind them.
After a few seconds, though, he heard the the metal doors slide closed, as he gradually reopened his eyes. Their bodies shifted slightly to the left once the subway car began moving, accelerating against the electrified track below them.
Occasionally, their shoulders would brush up against one another, shifting slightly due to the rough rails. But as Sieun sat there, leaned back against the backrest, he turned his head to the sides, expression blank. Looking at the windows on the other side of the subway car just infront of his line of sight, the outside was pitch dark, assuming that they were inside of a tunnel. The pure white lights overhead were the only source illuminating their surroundings, as numerous people sat, stood around them---clutching onto the fabric handles against the ceiling, sitting down directly infront of them, beside them, having seemingly loud conversations.
As he turned his head back to face the area infront of him, he barely, in the corner of his eye, caught Seongje cracking his knuckles beside him---pressing his palms down against his knuckles, wrapping his fingers around his hand, making 'crack' noises sound beside him. And he could see him in his peripheral vision leaned back against the fabric backrest, head up high, gaze locked infront of him.
He was almost caught off guard, dumbfounded, when he heard his voice beside him.
" is juntae a problem, " he said suddenly, almost at random, as his voice remained low.
Sieun pivoted his head to the left to face him, furrowing his brows slightly by how out of place those words seemed. But all aside, it didn't take him a second to realize what he was talking about, what he was getting at. There was no doubt whether or not he saw him walking beside him, too ; whether or not he saw him look him straight in the eye before hastily looking away, avoiding him.
But calling him a problem? Making it seem as if he were something that needed to be taken care of, to be 'handled' ; obviously, that wasn't one of the things that Sieun wanted.
" no, he's fine " he replied after a few seconds, blankly, turning his head to the side as he faced him.
Their eyes locked for barely a second, as Sieun caught him nod slightly, turning his head back around to face the area infront of him. He exhaled as he did the same, gaze fixated slightly down enough so that he could see the floor lined beneath them.
Though he wasn't keeping track of time, atleast three minutes had passed of moving continuesly, their shoulders brushing up against one another every second or so. At one point, as he tilted his head down enough, his gaze met his backpack, resting against the seat below him. Then it hit him---rather than looking around, mindlessly examining his surroundings, he could be studying. He could be flipping through the neat pages of the notebook given to him, analyzing the key points, enhancing his understanding.
So that's exactly what he did, as he brought his hand down and reached for the zipper. Leaning down slightly, he slowly opened his backpack as he slipped his hand inside to grab the notebook, pulling it out as he held it just beneath his face, resting his arms against his lap. He brought his hand over as he flipped open the notebook, folding over the cover as he began scanning through the first page---eyes fluttering around the rowed notes, neatly organized against the thin lines that crossed the paper.
Barely, in the corner of his eye, could he see, him, lean forward towards his side slightly---could see Seongje facing him, see his gaze fixated on the side of his face in his peripheral vision. So as he tried to focus, to read the words lined across the paper, he could see Seongje eyeing him ; gaze shifting between the sudden notebook below him, and his face.
And without any warning whatsoever, he turned his head to the side, furrowing his brows, when Seongje suddenly reached over and hooked his fingers around the notebook, pulling it over towards him. He watched in awe, dumbfounded, as he saw him bring it up towards his face, squinting his eyes at it, seemingly focused.
After a few seconds of attentively scanning the words lined across the paper, Sieun watching, waiting as he stared mindlessly at him, he finally turned his head to face him, eyes locking.
" this isn't yours, " he said as he turned to face Sieun, eyes narrowed, a questioning tone in his voice.
Sieun looked at him for a few seconds before returning his gaze to the notebook that was now suddenly resting underneath his grasp, in his hands. But all aside, though, he was dumbfounded by the fact that he could even remember his writing---recognize how he wrote, at least, as he's only ever seen his notes once, from what he knows.
He exhaled as he kept his gaze focused on the page of the notebook, slightly annoyed by how sudden his actions were.
" it's juntae's, " he said after a few seconds, his voice low as he turned back to face him.
Though it wasn't that noticeable, he swore he could've saw, him, tense, by the look in his eyes atleast. He watched as he turned his head back to face the notebook, before letting out a slight scoff underneath his breath.
He barely heard him mutter something underneath his breath, too quiet to be understood, though. He fixed his gaze below him when he saw Seongje reach his hands back over, handing the notebook back to Sieun.
" you two study buddies or some shit? " he said beside him, voice tinted with a mocking tone as Sieun grabbed the notebook from his grasp.
Sieun shrugged at the words, now resting the notebook back to as it were before as he kept his gaze locked on it. Without a question, he continued reading the notes lined across the paper, eyes following the words left to right.
He shifted his gaze when he saw Seongje suddenly reach his hand over, brushing his finger against the lined paper.
" y'know this is easy as shit, you need help with it you ask me ok? " he added, seemingly close to his side as he leaned forward slightly.
In response, he nodded, still trying to focus as he held notebook against his lower body. All aside, though, he wasn't wrong. Judging from that one night at his appartment,
That night when he knocked against his door, brushing passed his side, alcohol and faint cologne reeking from him as he collapsed onto his bed ; when he sat beside him, directly beside him, knees and shoulders brushing up against his side ; when he brushed his fingers up against his hand and grabbed the pen from his grasp, leaning so close, that he could feel the heat radiating against him. And surprisingly, though his mind wasn't completely with him at the moment, he managed to remember snippets of how Seongje helped, him ; how he helped him solve a problem, making him become more familiar with it.
And everything else about that night, came through clearly,
When, he, dragged him up by the collar and shoved him against the wall ; when he shoved him downwards, making him fall back against the plush mattress beneath him ; when he climbed ontop of him, running his hand along his side, across his chest, along his waist, trailing down towards his---he stopped himself there. He tried his best to push it aside, to push his thoughts aside---to push, him, aside---as he cleared his mind and focused on the paper below him.
But as he read the words, eyes focusing on each and every one that crossed his line of sight, his mind wasn't paying attention. It was almost like that moment when your reading a sentence, over and over, but something is occupying you from understanding the meaning behind it, from focusing on the words. That's exactly what was happening to him, as he exhaled, closing his eyes for a few seconds.
And that was one of the things---was, the thing---that always managed to twist his mind, confuse him, leave him dumbfounded. How him, him alone, could always slip back into his mind, invade his thoughts continuesly, overwhelmingly.
So after keeping his eyes shut for a few seconds at most, hoping to rid his mind of any thoughts, he reopened them as he held his gaze straight against the lined paper beneath him. Almost suddenly, though, his breath almost got caught in his throat when he barely caught Seongje beside him---when, in the corner of his eye, he saw him leant forward enough, practically staring at him, through him.
He didn't even need to turn to the side to see the eyes that were glaring right through him, he could feel it---feel the faint heat of the breathes that were just barely, hitting against the side of his face.
And when he heard him beside him, the words that he was previously focusing on, the sentence that he was dedicating his time to read, shattered.
" your hot when you're focused, " he said beside him, seemingly close, his voice low as he kept his eyes narrowed on him.
Those words hit him hard, crashing against his chest, making his mind go blank. Everything about it was so sudden, too---so unexpected, random. And he didn't even know what to think of it, how to react.
The only thing he could focus on, though, was him---beside him, pressing against his side. And when he saw him, felt him, lean slightly closer, he stiffened as he sat still, practically frozen against the seat beneath him as their bodies shifted slightly every second or so.
" am i distracting you, hm? " he continued, voice lined with a mocking tone as he tilted his head slightly at him, voice low.
That wasn't even a question. His body reacted in seconds, making him exhale inaudibly---making his stomach sink, his breath stilling. And despite all the times they've been with each other, despite everything he's been through with, him, his body still managed to make it seem as if this person, this person beside him, was totally unfamiliar---a threat, something that he, should be scared of. Two weeks atleast, he's appeared by his side straight---talking with him on the phone, meeting him at his appartment, dedicating time to go to his campus during school hours. And yet, he, still managed to make him feel, this---the same way he's always felt when he was this close.
His eyes fluttered around the lined paper, not even focusing on the words at this point, at the neatly written sentences lined across the notebook. Body shuddering by the slightest, barely noticeable, his breath got caught in his throat when he felt him lean even closer,
When he felt him reach his hand over and run it slowly along his side---brushing his fingers against the fabric that lined the side of his pants, lazily moving his fingers along the thin fabric.
" you know if we weren't in public, i would've fucking climbed ontop of you, fucked you senseless, " he muttered beside him, barely a whisper over the conversations that surrounded them, as his face remained inches away from his.
Despite knowing that there were people around them, all around them---standing beside them as the swayed due to the impact of the rails, sitting directly across from them leaning their backs against the backrest, resting against the chairs on their left and right---he kept his gaze locked below him, on the notebook still resting in his grasp, hoping that he'd pull back any second.
But instead of doing merely that, he seemed to do the exact opposite, as he felt him press further into his side. Once he felt the heat against him, when he felt his lips barely, gaze against him, he stilled.
" soon, " he muttered into his ear, lips barely brushing up against his skin, coming out as nothing but a breath.
After what felt like waiting for eternity, praying that he'd pull back atleast, he exhaled audibly underneath his breath when he felt him shift backward, leaning back against the chair behind them. He barely heard him let out a faint laugh beside him, as his thoughts seemed to crash through his head, fogging up his mind. Everything about it, about how he could just suddenly switch up up so quickly---go from someone who was quietly sitting beside him, making comments here and there, to this? He couldn't even take a second to understand it.
However, he managed to slip back to reality when they shifted against the seats, bodies swaying toward the left as the subway car gradually slowed, coming to an abrupt halt. He watched in awe as people around them stood up, clutching their bags as they brushed through the sliding doorways.
Though he wasn't exactly keeping track of how many times they'd stopped, it had to be atleast somewhere between three or four, as Seongje didn't even seem to budge an inch---still leaning far back against the chair, arms crossed behind his head, legs spread wide open.
So, as the speaker continuesly recited the current stop, the next stop, he turned his head to the side as he faced Seongje.
" do you know where we're getting off at? " he asked blankly, waiting for a direct answer.
After a few seconds, Seongje turned his head to the side to face him, eyes narrowed. He caught his gaze shift, eyeing him up and down for a second at most.
" yeah, " he replied almost immediately, nodding his head slightly, his voice sounding slightly offended, almost.
His gaze shifted downwards when he turned away, facing below him as Sieun caught him slip out his phone from his back pocket. He watched in awe as he brought it below him, resting it against his lower body as he swiped, the bright screen catching his eye.
It was hard to make out as he squinted his eyes, but based off of the format, he must've been looking at a navigation app, a GPS. He caught him brush his two fingers against the screen as he zoomed in, a location pinned. Though he could see the words lined faintly across the screen, it was too far away to be readable, as he tried any attempt to read the seemingly small words---to figure out the location, at least.
Focusing hard on the phone screen directly beside him, he turned his head to the side when he caught Seongje tilt his head back over to face him.
" next stop, " he further added as he faced Sieun, eyes locking for a few seconds.
Sieun nodded slightly as he turned his head back to the side, exhaling as his gaze returned to the notebook still being held against him. Once he felt the subway car begin moving again, jerking their bodies slightly to the left as it accelerated, he fixed his gaze below him.
Leaning forward as he lowered his hand towards his backpack, he closed the cover of the leather notebook as he slipped it downwards into his backpack. He then closed it as he slowly tugged against the zippers. After doing so, he leaned back against the chair behind them as he exhaled, closing his eyes. Though he was still completely oblivious to what, they, were doing, where they were going, knowing something as small as where they're getting off at still seemed to ease the feeling inside or him, despite how useless it was.
So after a few minutes of them sitting beside one another, shifting against their sides every second or so, the subway car gradually began slowly down. He reopened his eyes when he felt it, as after a few seconds, it came to an abrupt stop.
Almost immediately, he caught Seongje stand up beside him, groaning underneath his breath as he stretched his arms out. Without a question, he stood up beside him as he wrapped his fingers around the fabric strap, pulling the backpack over his shoulder. Once the glass doors slid open, he followed as Seongje brushed passed him, stepping out onto the platform as they passed the doorway.
Walking beside one another, he followed mindlessly as they walked toward the sign labeled,
| EXIT
Brushing passed people on their sides as they walked down the seemingly long hallway, large pillars lined on both sides. They turned a corner, and unsurprisingly, they hit a stairway, seeming as if it stretched for at least half a mile. He watched in awe as Seongje began hastily climbing up the stairs, noticeably skipping one step after each step he took.
Exhaling underneath his breath, he kept his gaze focused on the tiled stairs beneath him as he began climbing them, trailing behind Seongje who was now halfway ahead of him.
And after what felt like over a minute straight of walking continuesly, climbing steps as cool wind rushed passed him, he managed to reach the top, breathing shallowly. Unsurprisingly, Seongje was leaning against the wall just outside of the landing, as he caught him push himself off and throw his hand around his backpack.
" beat you, " he said beside him, mockingly, as he leaned in close for a few seconds.
Sieun exhaled underneath his breath as they continued walking, pushing those words aside. As they walked against the tiled floor, passing by people on both sides, he slowly lowered his hand into his back pocket as he pulled out his phone.
Tilting his head to the side, his gaze hit the phone screen as he held it far below his face. He brushed his finger against the side as he pressed down, turning the screen on as it illuminated. He stared down at the numbers lined across the screen,
| 6 : 04 P M
He hadn't remembered what the exact time was before he'd began being pushed and pulled alongside, him, but he was guessing atleast an hour or so had passed,
An hour of nothing but standing beside him---walking beside him, sitting beside him, walking down endless pavements and sidewalks, breezing passed rows of towering buildings.
And after staying underground for so long, trapped underneath the surface, they finally managed to reach a shallow set of stairs that led up towards the ground level above them. When he felt the cool breeze rush down towards them, he exhaled. Especially since they were miles underground, there wasn't any question whether or not it was humid, whether or not their surroundings felt hot, as the nearby ACs barely hit them. But now, feeling the outside breeze felt soothing, as they walked up the shallow stairway.
Once they hit the landing, Seongje, unsurprisingly, continued walking, as they left the entrance of the subway, passing underneath the small roof of the exit. Sieun turned his head to the sides scanning the area, trying to make sense of where they were. But just as before, nothing looked familiar, looked recognizable. The side streets they passed, the faint LED signs branching out of each brick wall, the seemingly rundown buildings across the street---everything that crossed his line of sight looked unfamiliar.
His gaze was fixated ahead of him as they continued passing by side streets, tilted slightly down enough to see the concrete pavement beneath him, as they continued walking up the sidewalk. And now that sunset had passed, the sky that was previously blinding him was now filled with all but dark blue hues, fading into lighter colors as it reached the horizon. Streetlights lined across the pavement barely illuminated the sidewalk beneath them, a yellowish tint of light.
He turned his head to the side, though, when he said something almost at random.
" are you thirsty? " he said suddenly, beside him, voice low as he tilted his head over towards him.
Slightly dumbfounded by how haphazard those words seemed. He turned his head back to face the view infront of them, head tilted slightly downwards as he kept his gaze locked on the sidewalk beneath them.
" not really, " he replied blankly underneath his breath, walking beside him.
He heard Seongje hum underneath his breath, shrugging slightly as he turned to face ahead of him. At the moment, atleast, he didn't really feel hungry, much less thirsty, despite knowing how far they've walked---all the miles they've met.
▪︎
After atleast a minute straight of walking down the dimly lit sidewalk, passing down wide sidestreets, he watched in awe as he saw Seongje suddenly brush pass him, turning to the right as he swung open the door of a small convience store.
Without a question, he followed, as he brushed passed Seongje who was noticeably holding the door open for him. Trailing behind him, they walked down the brightly lit aisles as he caught Seongje eyeing the lines of shelves on their left, filled to the brim with numerous snacks.
Unsurprisingly, after a few more steps, they hit the alcohol section at the back of the store as he stopped beside Seongje. He watched in awe as he leaned down slightly, eyeing the freezer as he pulled it open, reached his arm forward, and pulled out a glass bottle with graphics lined across it. Standing back up as he closed the clear freezer door, Sieun came back to his senses when he saw him turn to face him.
" you sure you don't want anything? " he said with a questioning tone, raising his eyebrows at Sieun.
He looked at him for a second at most, before nodding, gaze shifting around him. He heard Seongje let out an audible sigh, as he turned around and began walking along the aisle in front of them.
" your loss, " he muttered underneath his breath in between a slight laugh, holding the bottle tightly in his grasp.
Sieun followed as they turned the corner, passing by numerous rows of shelves until they walked up toward the counter, an old cashier standing behind it. He watched in awe, standing beside him as he placed the glass bottle down against the counter. And unsurprisingly, he caught him reach over towards one of the small shelves that sat against the counter, as he placed a pack of cigarettes down beside the bottle.
The man behind the counter reached out as he began scanning the items---bringing the bottle over towards the register as he scanned it, doing the same with the cigarettes, placing them back down against counter after doing so. And in the corner of his eye, he caught Seongje slip his hand into his back pocket as he pulled out his wallet, holding it below him.
Furrowing his brows slightly at how he just happened to have his wallet stashed in one of his pockets---despite not having a backpack---he kept his head turned to the side just enough, so that he could see him. He watched in awe as he brushed his fingers against the leather wallet, flipping it open.
And almost immediately, two things caught his eye. The first one was noticeable, as he watched Seongje pull back the flap of the wallet, revealing the thick row of bills lined across the leather fabric. Not only were there atleast a stack of them lined across the wallet, but they were all seemingly large amounts---the lowest one being 100,000 won, as Sieun stared in awe, dumbfounded by how someone could even manage to casually walk around with all that money lying in their pocket. But knowing him, it wasn't really a shock.
The other thing was less noticeable, more subtle, as he focused on the wallet, Seongje rummaging through the stack of bills as he reached out and gaze one to the cashier. Barely, in one of the small leather pockets stitched across the dark wallet, did he manage to catch something peaking out, the shiny plastic barely catching his eye. He stared blankly at it for a few seconds, before immediately recognizing what it was. And for reason, as he stared blankly at it, at the condom lying beneath the fabric of his wallet, his stomach dropped.
In the corner of his eye, although barely noticeable, he could've swore that he saw Seongje turn to face him, tilted his head toward the side. But turns out that's exactly what he saw, as he raised his gaze up to face him as their eyes met.
And when they did, he didn't even take a second to look at him---to see how his brows were furrowed, eyes narrowed---as he immediately darted his eyes away, turning his head slightly to the right. Despite him being turned away from him, he could still see him staring, could feel it. His eyes fluttered around his surroundings, as a wave of relief flowed through him ; when he caught the cashier hand over the remaining change from the payment, Seongje turning away as he grabbed it.
He exhaled underneath his breath, annoyed by how sudden his body reacted to the slightest things, as he caught Seongje place the remaining bills inside of him wallet, flipping it closed as he slipped it back into his pocket behind him. He watched as he thanked the cashier, before reaching out to grab the two items lying against the glass counter, slipping the pack of cigarettes into the pocket of his blazer.
And after atleast five minutes or so of slowly walking down brightly lit aisles, passing by stacks of processed snacks, they left the small convience store as Seongje pulled the glass door back, Sieun brushing passed his side as they stepped through the doorway. Immediately, he followed beside Seongje as he began climbing the sidewalk, again, walking against the pavement as he held the bottle in his grasp.
But only a few seconds after they started walking up the sidewalk, did his breath still, as he heard his voice beside him.
" why'd you turn away like that, " he said beside him, in a questioning tone, turning his face toward his side.
Sieun immediately turned to the side to face them as their eyes locked. He caught him tilting his head over at him, eyes narrowed, brows furrowed as he eyed him. But all aside, he turned away after a few seconds by seeing how, he, was staring at him.
It made no sense how he could, unintentionally, notice the smallest things, and point them out in the matter of seconds. Confront him, question him---all of it made his mind spin. So despite the feeling that was steadily rising within his body, making his breath get caught in his throat, he managed to get two words out.
" like what, " he said blankly with a questioning tone, gaze fixated on the sidewalk below them as he tried to atleast stray away from, that.
But any attempt to do so---to make the situation less tense, to change the topic, to act oblivious---failed, as Seongje didn't even take a second to comply. He did the exact opposite ; further questioning him, making the tension only grow stronger.
" like you just got caught or some shit, " he added, tilting his head over at Sieun, his voice low.
And when he saw him, all of a sudden, lower his hand and slip it into his back pocket, he didn't even need to look over to see what he must've pulled out from behind him.
He turned his head slightly to the side when he saw him pull something out, reaching his arm over towards him as he held it between his fingers.
" was it because of these? " he said beside him, a faint smile lined across his face as he eyed Sieun, holding the condom over towards him as it rested inbetween his fingers.
His gaze shifted for a few seconds at most, as he faced his hand, the shiny plastic cover reflecting the dim light of the faint streetlight above them. And the fact that he wasn't wrong either, that he would completely right, made his heart skip a beat, as they continued walking along the concrete sidewalk.
He heard him let out a faint laugh beside him, as he barely, managed to catch him turn his head away so that he wasn't continuesly glaring through him.
" i don't even use them anyway, fucking hate those things, " he added, in between a slight laugh as he flicked it away, making it fall somewhere in the distance beside them.
Sieun exhaled underneath his breath as they continued walking up the sidewalk, the feeling that was boiling inside of him gradually dying down as the area around them seemed to only grow darker as seconds passed. Faint lights beaming from the buildings beside them, dim golden rays of light shining down from towering streetlights, illuminated the area around them enough so that it wasn't completely pitch black.
With his gaze fixed infront of him, he caught Seongje in the corner of his eye lower one of his hands toward his blazer, as he pulled something out. He turned his head just enough to the side as he watched him pull back the sleeve of the cigarettes, brushing his fingers against the thin paper cover as he pulled one out. He slipped the pack back into his blazer, as he reached his hand behind him and pulled out something else.
And almost suddenly, he abruptly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, standing still. Sieun immediately turned to face him, furrowing his brows slightly.
He watched in awe, lowering his gaze as he saw Seongje reach one of his hands over towards him, a small silver lighter resting in between his fingers. In the corner of his eye, he could see, him, staring at him, tilting his head over at him.
" light it for me, " he said suddenly, voice low, as he held out the metal lighter towards Sieun's side.
His eyes caught the shimmering lighter that was resting in between his fingers, just below his face. Without a question, though, he brought his hand up as he grabbed it, gaze returning to Seongje.
And the way that he was looking at him---the way that his eyes were narrowed on him, head tilted to the side, lips parted---it made him still. Without even taking a second to shift his gaze off of him, Seongje kept his eyes locked on his as he brought his hand up towards his face, placing the cigarette against his lips as it rested in between his fingers.
Sieun faced the lighter that he was holding beneath him, as he exhaled, slowly bringing it up towards Seongje beside him. He didn't even need to look at him, didn't need to shift his gaze off of the lighter to see how hard he was staring at him ; to see him watching him, waiting. So, he brought his hand up towards the cigarette resting in between his fingers as he carefully brushed his thumb up against the rigid metal wheel, igniting it. He held the flame underneath the end of the cigarette for a few seconds, not sure when to pull back as this was probably one of the only times, maybe even the first time, he's even lit a cigarette.
But after a few seconds of nothing but him keeping his gaze locked on the metallic lighter, the bright flame infront of his line of sight, he shifted his gaze upwards as his eyes met his. Once they locked, his face grew hot in the matter of seconds.
The way the faint orange tinted flame was illuminating his face, the way that his eyes were locked on his, how he was looking at, him, staring through him---it made his heart skip a beat, as he mindlessly held the lighter still, frozen. But after a few seconds of almost being lost in a trance, his eyes fluttered away from him when he heard him inhale sharply, turning his head to the side as he hastily exhaled the smoke, coughing slightly underneath his breath.
The way his body made him react always seemed to leave him dumbfounded, confused, as he stood still beside him, lowering the lighter a bit as he put the flame out. He turned when he felt Seongje brush his fingers up against his, pulling the lighter out of his grasp as he shoved it back into the pocket of his blazer.
And almost immediately, he began walking, holding the cigarette just below his face as faint laughs escaped his lips.
" shit that was hot, " he muttered underneath his breath, barely a whisper between his faint laughs as it faded into nothing but a breath.
He exhaled inaudibly as he began walking again, beside him as they climbed up the concrete pavement.
At this point, it wasn't even a question whether or not it was dark, as the blue hues that were once lined across the sky were completely gone, the entire sky around them pitch black. Their surroundings were dark, too, as he continued following Seongje down repetitive side streets, some narrow while others were wide with numerous family run shops. And judging by the area around them, it must've been somewhere around seven PM, maybe even eight, given the pitch dark sky overhead.
As they walked side by side, he'd catch him shift occasionally---blow continuous amounts of smoke out infront of them as it curled and faded into the darkness ; slip his phone out from behind him as the bright screen illuminated his face, still focused on the same pinned location he was looking at, hours ago.
But after what felt like being surrounded by towering buildings for hours on end, being caged in by the city around them, he furrowed his brows when he tilted his head up enough to face the view ahead of them.
Directly in the distance, infront of his line of sight, the buildings seemed to all face down toward the distance until they hit the road ahead of them. Unlike what he's been continuesly seeing, at the very end of the road, the buildings came to a stop, as the area ahead of him was completely clear---no buildings marking a dead end, no skyscrapers in the distance with their flickering lights. Just the pitch black sky ahead of them, as they inched closer and closer towards the end of the road, brushing passed the tall buildings on their right.
It took him a second, though, to notice the tall metal gate lined infront of his line of sight, in the distance, as he could just barely make it out due to how dark their surrondings seemed. It looked atleast nine feet tall, growing larger and larger each second as they inched closer towards it. And as they continued walking along the concrete pavement, it only came through clearer.
It seemed as if it stretched for miles, too, as it branched outwards both ways, sharp coils of barbed wire lined across the top of it.
And as they grew closer towards it, their surroundings only became darker,
Fading as the night consumed the area around them.
| 7 : 58 P M
☆
Notes:
Decided to split it into two chapters for better reading because the next chapter is going to be ALOT and i still have so much to write! <3
i was thinking about it the other day how this fic started off with nothing but repetitive smut, like i remember originally only on planning to post the first apt chapter and nothing else, but now it's turned into thissss, kinda crazy right
and i literally just realized that this is like the ONLY chapter where their actually doing something other than yk, which is also CRAZY? andd also the first chapter to have another dialogue (juntae)!?
BUT anyways lmkk what you guys think!! something unexpected is going to happen next chapterr and it's going to be good, but since it'll probably take me like a week to write if you guys have any ideas or suggestions im open!!
any feedback is greatly appreciated 🫶 🫶
♡
Chapter Text
☆
| 8 : 05 P M
He stared in awe as they approached the towering metallic gate, now only inches away from it.
Assuming that they'd turn one of the corners and walk down the street that lined the gate, he was dumbfounded when he caught Seongje only continue walking foward, now crossing the street as they approached the large fence. Now that he was atleast a few inches away from it, he turned his head to the sides, furrowing his brows.
There wasn't any signage, wasn't any nearby clues that could possibly reveal what the gate was put up for---what it was guarding. And behind it was complete darkness, only faint silhouettes of large buildings in the distance behind the gate, no light whatsoever illuminating the dark structures ahead of them.
Once he caught Seongje stop infront of it beside him, he turned his head to the side, still overly confused about what they, were doing. And for some reason, it looked as if he were scanning the gate, pivoting his head to the sides as if he were looking for something, squinting his eyes at the metal crosses intertwined along the gate. But after a few seconds, that must've been exactly what he was doing, as Sieun watched him lean down and begin pressing his hand against the metal, almost as if he were feeling for something.
And he just watched, dumbfounded by how stupid the situation seemed. How they were now in the middle of nowhere, darkness all around them ; how he was doing something like, this, making no sense whatsoever.
Only after a few seconds at most of watching him blankly, confused, did his eyes widen. He caught him finally press down against a certain area against the gate, as it immediately revealed a long slit parting the chain links. It stretched both ways, almost long enough so that it reached both the bottom and top of the metallic gate. He heard Seongje mutter something beside him as he caught him further press his hand forward, parting the chain links as a gap formed.
And in the matter of seconds, he saw, him, lean down, push the slit forward enough, and brush through the opening as he stood up straight on the other side of the metal gate, holding the gap open.
He stood there frozen, still trying to grasp the gravity of the situation, eyes shifting between the doorway-like slit and, him. He didn't even know what this place was, either, didn't have a clue of what they were about to enter. Just pure darkness ahead of them, no wording, no signs lined across the metal gate. But judging by the sharp coils of barbed wire lined across the head of the gate, it must've been something serious.
Exhaling underneath his breath, he stood still as he turned his head to face Seongje, staring at him as he waited on the other side of the gate.
" what are you doing, what if someone s-- " he began, furrowing his brows at him, before being cut off.
Before he could even finish his sentence, Seongje let out a loud sigh, leaning forward as he placed one of his hands against the metal gate.
" look around you sieun, there's no one here " he said sternly, leaning forward as he briefly tilted his head to the sides, reassuring him.
Though he processed the words, he kept his gaze locked on the gap in the chain links, not even taking a second to scan the area around them. Everything that, he, did, everything that he did with him, that he took him to---it was never along the lines of normal, not even close. And now? He was urging him to casually enter a closed off area, crawl through the gap of a towering metal gate, like it was an everyday thing to do.
So as he stood there, lost in his thoughts, he heard him barely at the back of his mind.
" come on, " he said infront of him, voice low, tilting his head over at Sieun.
His gaze shifted upwards as he met his, his face barely even readable as they were surrounded by darkness, only faint lights from the buildings behind them barely illuminating the area.
And after a least a minute at most of standing there, frozen as Seongje waited, watching him from the other side of the gate that separated them, he exhaled inaudibly as he stepped forward. Trying to push his hesitation aside, he leaned down as he walked through the wide gap in the metal fence, Seongje holding it open as he crossed through it onto the other side. Almost immediately, he felt Seongje slip his arm behind his back as he draped it over his backpack, resting it there as he began walking.
Sieun, without a choice, began walking beside him, as he turned his head to the sides. They were now noticeably walking against grass, or atleast something that felt like grass, as the area around them was seemingly dark, too faint to tell. And everything around them---on their left and rights, ahead of them---it was all pitch black, only the silhouette of a large building in the distance. It was barely noticeable, but he was able to make out the edges as it stood out infront of the dark blue tinted sky behind it
He squinted his eyes at the distance ahead of them, trying to atleast make sense of what they were doing, where they were going, as they walked along the endless field of dried out grass.
" i heard that people used to be taken here, union shit or whatever, " Seongje said beside him, voice low as he kept his gaze fixated infornt of them.
Sieun turned his head to the side to face him for a few seconds, slightly confused by what, that, meant. He returned his gaze back to face the large silhouette infront of them, only growing larger each second they moved forward.
He turned his head back to the right to face Seongje beside him, overly confused.
" what is it? " he asked blankly, voice lined with a questioning tone as he faced Seongje, who was, seemingly close beside him.
But instead of getting a direct response, a concrete answer, he got nothing---just a mocking comment. He barely managed to catch Seongje tilt his head over to face him, as he leaned in slightly closer, pressing into his side.
" you'll see, " he said beside him, a faint smile lined across his face as he faced Sieun.
He turned his head back around to face the view infront of them, exhaling inaudibly underneath his breath.
The entire walk lasted atleast three minutes at most, which to Sieun, felt much longer than it should've. It was nothing but them walking side by side, Sieun still overly confused about the entire situation, panning his head to the sides every second or so---scanning the pitch black area around them as they walked along the field that seemed as if it stretched for miles on end.
Gradually, though, the towering silhouette in the distance only grew larger as they inched closer towards it, the cool night breeze rushing against them. And after just a few more steps against the tough grass beneath them, they managed to hit a set of pavement, as Seongje continued walking forward. Given that the area around them was seemingly dark, he assumed that it must've been concrete by it's texture and flatness.
With his gaze fixated against the floor beneath them, squinting his eyes at it as he tried to make out what they were walking across---why all of a sudden, there was a row of pavement lined infront of them---he turned his head back upwards when he caught Seongje suddenly stop abruptly beside him. Immediately, Sieun came to a halt as well, furrowing his brows at him.
But surprisingly, it took him longer than it should've to notice that they were now standing infront of a wall, towering over them, as he caught Seongje lean forward and place his hand against it, scanning the area around them. It looked old, years old, as the thick concrete wall infront of them had cracks all across it, barely even noticeable until Sieun leaned in close enough to see the faint marks.
He turned his head to the side when he saw, when he felt Seongje brush passed him, walking beside the wall all of a sudden. Without a question Sieun followed as he trailed behind him. He barely managed to catch him slip his hand into his back pocket and pull out his phone, immediately making Sieun turn his head to the side once he saw him turn on the flashlight within his phone. He watched, squinting his eyes as he furrowed his brows, whilst Seongje held the phone out so that the flashlight faced the wall beside them, shining the bright light against is as he walked alongside it.
Just as before, it looked almost as if, he, were searching for something, holding the flashlight up against the wall as he kept his gaze fixated toward his left, tilting his head to the side. Sieun continued walking mindlessly beside him, watching him as he tried to atleast figure out what he, was doing.
After a few seconds of staring at nothing but cracks in the rough concrete wall, passing along the endless wall beside them, he saw Seongje stop suddenly when they hit something other than continuous amounts of worn out concrete beside them. Almost at random, it was a door---a narrow metal door, seemingly rusted over as the paint coat washed over it looked as if it had been torn over a hundred times.
He stared in awe as Seongje lowered the light to face the door handle below them, illuminating the metal handle. Gaze fixated below him as he stood beside Seongje, he watched as he reached his arm out and wrapped his fingers around the rusted-over lock that hung along a chain beneath the handle, tugging down against it.
Seongje let out loud exhale underneath his breath, as he turned around to face Sieun, tilting his head over at him. Almost immediately, though, he squinted his eyes when, for some reason, Seongje brought the flashlight up toward his face and shined it directly onto him. He turned his head slightly to the side as the light shined onto him, making him tensely squint his eyes as he brought up one of his hands to try and cover it.
" you have a small piece of metal? " Seongje said infront of him, voice lined with a questioning tone.
Sieun immediately shook his head to the sides, despite not entirely processing what Seongje had said. And after being blinded for what felt like forever, he finally saw Seongje lower the flashlight as he turned away. Sieun brought his hand back down, lowering it beside him as he exhaled.
Almost at random, he caught Seongje lean down as he crouched down beneath him, shining the light against the cracked pavement below them.
He stared, turning his head slightly enough to see what he was doing, as he watched Seongje reach out towards the debris scattered against the floor, rummaging through the seemingly large pile of cracked cement. After brushing his hand against the numerous pieces, shoving some to the side, he caught him grab a large, ragged piece, as he stood up.
" hold this, " Seongje said suddenly, voice low as he held out the phone towards Sieun's side, facing it toward the door handle as he held the glass bottle in his other.
Without hesitation, he grabbed the phone from him as he held it near the door handle, shining it against the chain wrapped around the handle and the thin pillar beside the door whilst the rusted lock hung beneath it. He turned his head to the side as he saw Seongje lean back a bit, and in the matter of seconds, hastily throw his arm downward as he smashed the ragged piece against the lock, making a loud thud sound.
And surprisingly, one hard smash against the overly rusted padlock seemed to be enough for it to break, as it immediately cracked and fell down against the pavement below them. The only thing left guarding the metal-torn door were the shiny chains wrapped around the handle, now dangling.
He heard Seongje let out a faint laugh beside him, leaning down as he picked up the busted lock and raised it below the flashlight.
" see that? that shit broke in seconds, " he said infront of him, in between a slight laugh as he held the cracked lock beneath the flashlight.
Sieun watched as Seongje brushed his hand against his before grabbing the phone from him, turning to the side as he threw the lock somewhere far off into the distance. With the chain still dangling against the door, he watched as Seongje stepped forward and hooked his fingers around the metal, pulling it off as it made a loud metallic rattling noise.
He caught him shine the flashlight against the rusted door as he finally, reached his hand out, turned the metal handle, and pulled the door open, swinging it back towards them. Gaze focused on Seongje, he watched in awe as he leaned forward a bit, a slight laugh escaping his lips as he held the flashlight toward the doorway. But after a few seconds, he suddenly turned back to face Sieun, leaning his side against the metal door as he held it open.
Sieun's eyes met his, as he could just barely make out his face as the faint moonlight made it slightly visible. He stood there, assuming that, he, would atleast go in first, as he came to get used to the fact that he'd always be the one following after him---especially after today ; following him down endless sidewalks, walking by his side through hallways that stretched for miles.
But he didn't even seem to budge, didn't even step forward, move an inch, as he stood there, tilting his head over at Sieun. He heard click his tongue underneath his breath, eyes locked on Sieun.
" c'mon sieun, be brave " he said mockingly, a faint grin lined across his face as he looked wearily over at Sieun.
For some reason, those words made him tense---the tone, the way they rolled off of his tongue. And it wasn't that he wasn't brave ; obviously, he was stubborn, always took decisions rationally no matter the circumstance. But walking into, this? Passing a doorway that led into---he didn't even know what, this, place was, didn't even have a clue of what they were about to enter.
So as he leaned forward just to see the view behind the doorway, which was, unsurprisingly, pitch black, he turned back to face Seongje infront of him.
" i'm not scared, " he said blankly as he faced Seongje, exhaling underneath his breath.
Standing still against the pavement, he stared, expression blankly, as Seongje leaned forward a bit, a slight smile lined across his face.
Sieun caught him face the doorway for a few seconds at most, pivoting the flashlight so that it illuminated it, before turning back to face him.
" then go ahead prove it, " he said infront of him, voice low as stood against the metal door, waiting.
His gaze shifted away from him as he exhaled inaudibly, turning to face the doorway beside them. The way that he was acting, how he was making the situation seem so much more, longer, than it should be, put him on edge. It only took a few steps, barely even a few inches, to pass through the doorway and walk inside---but Seongje wouldn't even move an inch, as he stood still, watching him.
But all aside, he complied as he exhaled underneath his breath, giving, him, one last look before returning his gaze toward the distance beside them. Stepping forward, he brushed passed Seongje as he passed underneath the metal doorway, stepping into the pitch dark interior that surrounded him.
There was nothing in his line of sight apart complete darkness, not even a faint light nearby that could illuminate the area around him. And he couldn't even make out his surroundings, too, as he stood there frozen against the pavement below him. He could barely make out the floor beneath him, the cracks across the pavement being illuminated by the faint moonlight shining through the doorway. But after a few seconds, he heard the door close shut behind him, making a loud metal thud that echoed around him.
And given how dark it was, completely pitch black, he couldn't even tell whether or not, he, had entered the doorway, which he was assuming he did once he heard the loud door close shut. Though he wasn't exactly the type to be afraid of the dark, too stubborn to even have a fear for such a thing, not knowing what surrounded him made him tense.
Only after a few seconds, though, did he immediately turn his head to the side, his upper body shuddering slightly after being surrounded by silence for what felt longer than it should've. He heard a metal click beside him, as his gaze caught the blinding flashlight shining below them against the cracked concrete floor.
" which looks cooler hm? the flashlight or the lighter? " Seongje said beside him, holding out the metal lighter in between his fingers as he gripped the glass bottle.
Sieun looked at him blankly, as he caught Seongje click at his phone screen as the flashlight immediately shut off. He watched as he lowered his hand behind him and slipped it into his back pocket.
" lighter right? " he added, a slight smile lined across his face as he leaned closer, barely giving Sieun a second to answer---though, he probably wouldn't of anyway.
He shifted his gaze downwards when he caught Seongje reach his hand out, holding the lighter out towards him, the flame seemingly close. With his gaze fixated below him, he tilted his head back up to face him when he just barely, caught him lean in closer, pressing into his side.
" makes it feel like we're in a horror movie or some shit, " he said beside him, in between a faint laugh that faded into a breath.
And after standing still for a minute straight at most, he watched in awe as Seongje turned around, barely illuminating the area around them with the small orange tinted flame. Given that is was nothing more than a small lighter, it only managed to illuminate a seemingly small portion of the room---a small circular radius of orange tinted light.
But aside size, it was still enough for Sieun to get an idea of where they were, what they were inside of. As Seongje stepped toward the area on his left, he could immediately tell that they must've been in a hallway, a wide corridor, as the distance infront of them remained pitch dark. Squinting his eyes around him as he tried to make out his surroundings, he turned his head to the side to face Seongje once he heard him gasp, faintly.
" woah-- come look at this shit, " he said over his shoulder, standing only a few feet towards the left of him.
Without a question, he stepped forward as he walked up to him, furrowing his brows by the slightest. Immediately, though, he was dumbfounded when he caught Seongje brushing his fingers against a thick metal bar, holding the lighter near it.
Inches infront of him, lined in a row across the concrete floor, were a set of thick metal bars, some slightly rusted over as the orange flame faintly illuminated them. They were equally spaced, as a pitch dark room stood behind it, not even visible by how dark their surroundings were.
" you still wanna take a guess what this place is hm? " Seongje said beside him, tilting his head over at him as he held the flame infront of them.
Sieun turned to face him, expression blank. At this point, it was obvious what this place must've been,
Where they were standing in, entering. Judging from the thick metallic bars lined infront of him---the towering concrete walls, the sharp coils of barbed wire---it was a penitentiary, a prison. It looked abandoned, too, as the rusted over lock cracked in the matter of seconds. And everything else around them---the ridged cracks in the pavement, the torn cover of the metal door, the rust lined across the metallic bars---only made it seem more desolate.
" a prison? " he said blankly as he looked over at him, voice lined with a questioning tone.
Seongje immediately laughed faintly underneath his breath, as Sieun stared at him in awe, waiting for an answer. His gaze shifted away from him, eyes trailing around him when he caught, him, lean forward, step forward enough so that they were barely inches away.
" your so smart sieun, " he said mockingly, a faint smile lined across his face as he leaned forward.
He inhaled shallowly when he saw him shift closer, close enough so that he could feel him pressing into his side, brushing up against his shoulder.
His breath stilled when he heard him, heard his voice directly beside him, heard the words clearly.
" it's turning me on, " he muttered into his ear, voice low, the words barely coming out as nothing but a whisper.
He exhaled underneath his breath when he felt him lean back, when he felt his body not continuesly pressing against his. His gaze shifted upwards when he saw Seongje turn around, letting out a slight laugh as he began walking alongside the bars lined beside them, holding the lighter as his hand gripped the glass bottle.
Stepping forward, he followed, walking a few inches behind him, as he turned his head to the sides. He squinted at the dimly lit area around them---at how the faint orange flame only seemed to illuminate the row of bars on their left, leaving the area to their right completely pitch dark.
" y'know i should lock you up into one of these, punish you for almost fucking ditching me " Seongje said over his shoulder suddenly, in between a slight laugh.
Sieun barely even let those words pass by his mind as he shifted his gaze to face him. But judging by the tone of his voice, he must've not been serious, atleast.
With his gaze fixated ahead of him, it hit Seongje, as he watched him only inches infront of him---watching as he walked, shoulders stiff, head up high as he pivoted it toward their left ; watching how the faint orange flame illuminated the side of his carmine blazer, casting an indistinct glow.
Everything about the situation made this feel so, unreal? Fake. He couldn't even find the right words to describe it. And out of all the possible places, out of the thousands of possibilities there could've been, an abandoned penitentiary wasn't even close to being an option, wasn't even on his list. His mind was being flooded with thoughts, with questions as he walked mindlessly---the whats, the whys. Why were, they, here ; what was the point? But he strayed away from them for now as tried to push them away, shove them into the back of his mind.
Only after a few more steps, did they manage to hit what he was assuming was the end of the wide hallway. A large towering concrete wall stood infront of them, ridged cracks crossing over the cement, as he caught Seongje step toward the side enough so that the faint light illuminated something else other than thick concrete. Unsurprisingly, it was another door, the metal rusted over with tears across the wash that covered it---luckily, there was no metal padlock guarding the door shut.
With his gaze focused below him, he watched as Seongje reached his hand out, wrapping his fingers around the metal handle as he swung the large door open. A metal screeching noise sounded around them, fading once the door was seemingly open far enough for them to step through. And almost immediately, a faint glow of light shined down through the doorway, casting a blue-tinted glow against the cracked pavement floor.
Once they brushed passed the rusted over doorway, he followed behind Seongje as he heard him mutter a curse underneath his breath, noticeably tilting his head upwards as if he were facing the ceiling.
" this is fucking insane, " he said infront of him, the words barely a whisper as he shut the lighter closed, making a sharp metal click.
- - -
Unlike the previous room, the wide corridor atleast, this area was much larger,
Way wider as it stretched out both ways, thick towering pillars stretching from floor to ceiling. And surprisingly, he could actually make out his surroundings, as everything around him was slightly noticeable, a faint blue tinted glow casted over the entire area. But only after a few seconds of stepping forward mindlessly, did he manage to catch what Seongje must've been talking about.
As soon as he tilted his head up slightly, his eyes widened by the slightest. Directly above them, above the seemingly tall ceiling that hung over them, was a large hole. It looked almost as if a portion of the roof had caved in, hit hard by a meteor, leaving an overly large hole in the ceiling, long metal rebars hanging over the sides of the cracked concrete roof. You could actually see the sky through it, too, see the faint shimmering stars as the moonlight beamed through the large hole, shining down onto the area around them.
Exhaling underneath his breath, he shifted his gaze back downwards as he saw Seongje, ahead of him, walk over toward a nearby concrete wall and immediately slump down against it, bending his knees. After a few more steps, he did the same---kneeling down as he leaned his back against the concrete wall behind them, keeping his knees bent as he exhaled. He exhaled at the feeling of finally sitting down after what felt like ages.
He heard Seongje letting out faint groans beside him, tilting his head back against the cement wall as he brushed his hand against the fabric of his pants.
" my legs feel like shit, " he said beside him, exhaling heavily underneath his breath.
Leaning against the wall whilst his backpack still rested behind him, he turned his head just enough so that he could see Seongje beside him, wincing underneath his breath. His gaze met his when he caught him suddenly turn to face him.
" yours too? " Seongje said with a questioning tone, turning his head over toward the side as he leaned back against the wall, facing Sieun.
That wasn't even a question. His legs felt sore, strained, like he'd been running for days on end. Even while sitting down, it still felt uncomfortable---that same feeling you get when you've walked for hours on end, collapsing onto your bed and having to shift a thousand times in order to find the right position.
" yeah, " he said blankly, nodding his head as he turned back to face the area infront of them.
He heard Seongje laugh faintly underneath beside him as he caught him lean his head back against the wall, running his fingers along the glass bottle he held just above his lower body.
" we probably did like three fucking miles, crazy shit " Seongje said beside him, in between a slight laugh that faded into a breath.
Whether it was three miles or not, it felt like it. Like they've walked for hours on end, which, they probably did---walking up sidewalks, climbing down stairs, that stretched for miles. But now that he was sitting down, not continuesly moving back and forth, the sore feeling managed to gradually die down.
He could see Seongje in the corner of his eye wrapping his fingers around the top of the glass bottle, screwing off the metal cap as he flicked it towards their side, making a quiet clink. And as he did so, Sieun kept his gaze fixated ahead of him, mindlessly scanning the area around them as he pivoted his head to the sides.
Judging by the size and spaciousness of it, it must've been a cafeteria---used too, at least. Large concrete pillars were placed along the cracked pavement floor, some seeming as if they could break into pieces any second, sides of them crumbling into rumble. And with the faint ray of moonlight shining through the large hole above them, the room around him managed to seem somewhat visible, enough so that everything didn't look completely pitch black.
But as he sat there, pivoting his head to the sides whilst Seongje drank the liquid in the glass bottle beside him, he managed to gather his senses when he heard him say something that made him still.
" have you heard anything about your dad? " Seongje said beside him, voice low with a slight questioning tone as he rested the bottle against his knee.
Sieun paused for a second, shifting his gaze against the cracked pavement floor below them.
One day ago, only yesterday---which felt much longer than, that---he recieved the news. The news that, he, unknowingly, unintentionally overheard, the information that the police told him, directly. But now that he thought of it, he hadn't recieved anything new---not a sudden phone call, not a visit to his appartment. So as he was being drowned with thoughts, he managed to get one word out.
" no, " he said blankly, gaze fixated below him as he leaned back against the concrete wall.
He heard Seongje mutter something beside him but it was too faint to be understood, as he brought the glass bottle up toward his face, tilting his head back against the concrete wall.
His eyes fluttered closed as he kept them shut for a few seconds. Surprisingly, given that they were inside, sitting inside of an abandoned penitentiary, hundreds of years old, it was surprisingly calm. Quiet, the faint smell of crisp air flowing around him, the room seemingly dark that it felt normal. But after sitting there, closing his eyes for long enough as he exhaled shallowly, they gradually reopened once something managed to slip passed his mind.
He fixed his gaze below him, eyes focused on the cracks lined across the pavement floor. Now that he'd thought of it, the whole situation was---he couldn't even wrap his head around the right words to describe it. Him being somewhere like, this? Sitting against the dusted floor, leaning against a concrete wall beside, him. Beside Seongje, who continued pouring the liquid into his mouth, steeply tilting the glass bottle, chugging it down every second that passed. But that's when it hit him, right against his chest as he fixed his gaze below him, catching Seongje shift beside him occasionally.
Flipping through the neat notebook, darting his eyes around the sentences, brushing his pen against his paper---studying. He could be doing that, could be at his appartment leaned over his wooden desk, gaze shifting between his laptop and his paper. But worse, he could be with Juntae. Could've, been with him ; could've been studying right beside him, expanding his knowledge on the things that were most crucial. He had the opportunity, too. All he had to say was one word, a few words at most, and he could've been doing something like, that.
But now?
He was here, in a barely lit concrete maze beside, him.
He, atleast, made the situation seem not as bad as it would've. Sitting beside, him, leaning against the wall beside beside someone like him, atleast lessened the gravity of it. Sitting beside the same person who he still, after a week at most of seeing him countless times, couldn't understand---couldn't decipher, couldn't make sense of. Everything about him was too complex to be understood, which was notable even by now. How he, in the matter of days, switched up entirely. How he, went from someone who beat him senseless, stormed over towards him and punched him atleast ten times, kicking him, shoving him.
To, this---whatever this was.
And now that he thought of it, he, was the one who started it.
Sieun was the one who started, this, ignited it like a catalyst the moment he unknowingly stepped into the bowling alley that night---the moment he sat down beside, him, who was unsurprisingly, slouched over the barstool, huffing out countless fumes of smoke beside him ; the moment when he pulled the glass over toward him, drinking it without a thought ; the blurry memory of him kneeled above him, his mind so fogged up that he didn't even take a second to act, to think, when he did it.
And the days following that?
The days that came after doing something like, that---the moments of, him, suddenly appearing everywhere,
Outside of his school, on the doorstep of his appartment, inside of his school bathroom. It was like, he, changed in the matter of days, of hours. Turned into a whole different person---not someone who had a grudge for him, who wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and break his face countless times. But something else---similar, but way different, not even close. Something that involved willingness, that involved intimacy---something that he had never, in his life, engaged with. And worse, he wasn't even sure what it was ; what this, was---periodic meetups, long persistent text messages.
Didn't have a clue what they were, wasn't even sure whether he liked him. Not 'liked' in that sort of way, the way that people commonly view it, but more deeper. More strayed toward emotion, toward your inner consciousness. Liking someone, having feelings for someone atleast, wasn't one of the things he'd take a second to care about. He never really thought about it, either, didn't really take time out of his day to focus on such a thing. Stubbornness, focusing solely on things that actually mattered ; academics, education, persistence---that, was what mattered to him.
But did someone like, him, matter to him? Someone like Seongje.
That day,
The day when he was walking along the concrete sidewalk, mindlessly staring at the lines across the pavement ; when he felt his phone vibrate, pulling it out to see the text message lined across his screen ; when he, all hesitation aside, prioritized him, over his education. That day, he must've mattered to him. So much to the point where he chose, willingly, to change his route and make his way towards his, appartment. And the day that he woke up lying against his bed? Only yesterday, did, he, must've mattered to him. Only yesterday when he sat against the bedframe behind him, squinting his eyes as he scanned his surroundings. And the first thing that exploded through his mind, that immediately invaded it once he came back to his senses, was him. As soon as he came back to reality, he went straight to him without a thought. He went willingly, too, no text messages consistently urging him to come over, no sudden calls blaring through his phone.
Only him, him dedicating his time to see, him---to be with him, to be beside him.
And he wasn't even keeping track of how much time had passed until he barely managed to caught Seongje click the shiny metal lighter beside him, faintly illuminating the area as he exhaled the smoke out infront of them. Minutes, maybe something around ten, at most, had to of passed. Nothing but him sitting there, occasionally listening to Seongje point out random things, making ranting comments, leaning his back against the cement wall as Sieun drowned mindlessly in his thoughts.
Exhaling shallowly, he slowly slipped his hand behind his back as he pulled out his phone, holding it just below his gaze. One faint click against the side and the screen brightly lit up, the three illuminated numbers lined across the screen,
8 : 46 P M
He stared blankly down at the phone screen for a few seconds before turning it off, brushing his finger up against the side button as he slipped it back into his pocket.
By this time, he would've been already hours into studying, attentively staying focused on the video playing through his ears, jotting down notes against the silk lined paper. But he was here, wasn't even close to doing something like, that. He was probably miles away from his appartment, far enough so that it felt somewhat, weird---unsettling, annoying, not knowing where he was, where they were.
But as the time lined across his screen continuestly attacked his thoughts, it hit him hard against his chest as he exhaled. It was late, getting late, approaching nine PM already---which to Sieun, was classified as late. His teachers gave him countless amounts of work, loads of pages to read, lessons to cover for the half a week of school that he'd missed.
At this point, that was the only thing on his mind, the only thing he focused solely on. He was focusing so hard, locked on one thing so strongly, that his mind began to fill up with frustration, slight anger. The questions that he's had stuck on his mind for the hours that he'd spent beside him---why was he here, what were they, doing here. And the fact that he was just sitting here, how he was just mindlessly sitting beside him when he could've been doing something of more value, of more significance, importance---that alone, put him on edge.
And as he sat there, mind being clouded with spiralling thoughts, he didn't even register what he had said until the words managed to slip out, barely coming out as a whisper.
" i shouldn't be here, " he said blankly, underneath his breath as he kept his gaze locked on the cement floor beneath them.
But despite volume, there was no question whether or not, he, had heard him, whether or not he'd heard those words come out of him, beside him. He barely caught Seongje turn his head to the side almost immediately, still leaning back against the concrete wall.
He knew that it would atleast, take an hour at most to get back to his appartment---walking down wide sidestreets toward the subway entrance, sitting against the seat of the train car, climbing up endless amounts of stairs. And by the time he'd done all of that, it would already be around ten PM, way passed the time that he, was hoping this would be over by.
" i'm going back to my appartment, " he said blankly, voice low as he placed one of his hands against the wall behind him and stood up.
And he didn't even look at him.
Didn't turn around, didn't shift his gaze downwards to see the way that, he, was facing him. The way that Seongje was looking at him, brows furrowed, dumbfounded. And it didn't even take him a second thought when he stood up, and immediately began stepping forward, his mind fixated on one thing, keeping his gaze locked on the rusted metal door they entered from.
But he barely even managed to take a few steps against the cracked pavement floor before being practically shoved at.
- - -
He turned his head back around to face his side when, he, suddenly pushed aggressively against the side of his chest, making him involuntarily turn to face him. Furrowing his brows at the sudden action, his gaze met Seongje's as he looked blankly at him---dumbfounded from how random, sudden it seemed.
And when he saw that way that he, was looking at him,
It only made him more confused. He looked as if he, had said something, wrong---had said something the made him seem as if he were about to step into a fight any second. The eyes that were glaring through him, the ragged, yet shallow breathes coming out of him.
" are you fucking serious? " he said suddenly, voice piercing through the silence that hung over him as he narrowed his eyes on him.
Sieun just stared at him, stared at the face that was barely visible, only a faint glow of moonlight illuminating it by the slightest. He just stood there, dumbfounded as he furrowed his brows at him.
Now that he'd thought of it, the words that he said might've not been as subtle as he thought they were---saying, all of a sudden, that he's leaving. But he wasn't expecting him to react like, this. To react like he'd just said something worth making him tense, making him boil over in the matter of seconds.
But after exchanging looks, Sieun looking at him, dumbfounded, the tension growing stronger each second that passed, Seongje finally shattered it. He scoffed underneath his breath, turning his head to the sides for a few seconds before returning his gaze to face Sieun.
" you know i could be anywhere right now, at some shitty strip club getting sucked off by some chick, " he continued, voice growing more louder by the second.
He kept his gaze locked on him, dumbfounded by the words that were slipping out of his mouth. Annoyed, confused by the way he was glaring at him, eyes tearing through him as they stood apart from one another.
" i got atleast ten fucking calls straight for doing this -- throwing away my time for something like this, to be wth you sieun," Seongje said raggedly, eyes narrowed on Sieun as he continued.
And when he heard the words that came out of Seongje's mouth following that, when he heard the six words that slipped passed his lips, his breathes ragged and hoarse,
It was enough for him to come to his senses, to reach his breaking point in the matter of seconds.
" because i fucking care about you "
Seongje blurted out, voice shredding through the silence that surrounded them, his tone only growing more persistent, more infuriated.
Once he heard those words, he felt his stomach drop---his breath hitch, as his eyes shifted around their surroundings. And he couldn't even describe the feeling that was attacking his body---anger, frustration, confusion. Annoyance, just by those six words. Just by the way that they came out of his mouth, by the harsh tone that reverberated throughout his mind.
His mind was spiralling when he said it, when the words managed to barely, come out of his mouth. For barely a second, the room around them went silent, nothing but the cool wind curling passed their sides. But as Seongje's mouth was about to part, about to continue his rant,
The words came out so fast that he didn't even comprehend saying them, didn't even a second to think before saying, it.
" do you care about me? " he said suddenly, voice toned with frustration,
Loud enough to shatter the silence that hung over them, as his gaze met Seongje's.
Breathes becoming more ragged as his body seemed to only make his surroundings feel hotter by the second, he stared at, him, for a few seconds at most. Barely managed to catch the way that his expression changed, how his mouth just hung open, closing by the slightest as shallow breathes escaped his lips. At his how brows were furrowed, at how he was looking, at him ; at how his face looked as if he were about to boil over any second.
And the silence that followed it, the silence that followed after saying something like, that? After practically cutting him off, saying something so suddenly---having the audacity to say something like, that, so suddenly. It was unbearable, nothing but frustrated stares and glaring looks.
His eyes fluttering around his surroundings, trying to find the words. Trying to gather the strength to say something, to ease the situation, to make it so that the silence that hung over them wasn't so loud.
Three words---three singular words managed to escape his mouth, managed to barely come out of him,
" it seems like, " he began, the words barely coming out of his mouth as they faded into nothing but a ragged breath.
But those words only did the opposite. It only made the tension spike, made the situation grow harsher by the second, as he stood there, practically frozen. His gaze was locked on his surroundings, eyes fluttering around him as his breathes grew more heavy, mind spiralling.
And when he heard his voice again, when he heard his voice pierce through the thoughts that were attacking his mind, his breath got caught in his throat.
" what? finish your fucking sentence, " he said suddenly, voice stern and hoarse as he kept his eyes narrowed on Sieun.
But the thing was, the truth was, he didn't even know what he was trying to say. Didn't know what he was getting at, didn't know how to word it, how to say it.
And when he did say it, when the words managed to barely escape him, the room around them shifted.
" it feels like the only thing you care about is my body, " he said hastily, gaze returning to face Seongje as his voice crumbled into a breath once he hit the last word.
He didn't even know what made him say it, too. Didn't have a clue what made him say those words, what made them come out of him without any hesitation whatsoever. But saying those words felt somewhat, good, like he'd just finally took something off his chest, like he'd finally gave in.
When his eyes finally met his, though, he stilled. He stood there frozen against the cracked cement floor, shallow breathes escaping his lips as he stared at him. The way his eyes were narrowed on his, how his brows were furrowed at him, how his face was washed over with something unreadable, something he couldn't even recognize.
A few seconds of tense silence passed, until he caught Seongje scoff underneath his breath, loud enough to break the silence that surrounded them.
" you wanna know how many fucking times i checked my phone to see if you responded? how many fucking times i ditched my classes just to go to your shitty appartment? " he suddenly blurted out,
Voice ragged as he never left Sieun's gaze, eyes narrowed on him.
Breathes growing more heavy by the second, he stood there as he looked at Seongje, his gaze shifting away for a few seconds before returning to face him. But all aside, he didn't even need to know the answer to that question.
That day, only two days ago, when he held his phone in his grasp underneath his face. When he scrolled through the endless list of messages sent by, him, all of the demanding stacks of countless texts.
" i couldn't even fucking sleep sieun -- couldn't close my eyes without fucking thinking about you, " he continued, his voice growing more hoarse, loud, as seconds passed.
He was just barely, processing what he was saying, processing the words that were coming out of his mouth when he caught, him, step forward. Took atleast two steps forward, enough so that they were only a few feet apart, so that the tension between them spiked.
" and that night? that night when you were so fucking wasted you couldn't even stand up straight? " he said said loudly infront of him, eyes narrowed on nothing but him.
At this point, he wasn't even looking at him. He couldn't, couldn't shift his gaze off the cracks in the cement floor to face, him. He was just standing there, breathes becoming more heavy each second as he kept his gaze locked against the floor, listening.
Listening, processing what he was saying, what words were coming out of his mouth, the harsh tone that filling the room around them. And he couldn't even understand why he was acting like, this---why Seongje was acting like this. With the empty glass bottle still held in his tight grip, it could've been the alcohol, could've been the intoxicated liquid inside of it that was making him turn into, this.
" these bitches were about to drag you into one of the rooms -- probably about to rape the shit out of you, " he continued, voice filled with irritation, only steps away from Sieun.
When he heard those words, his mind managed to gradually clear the spiralling thoughts that were attacking it. He didn't even remember any of that, either, didn't remember a thing about, that. He didn't mention it, didn't tell him about that, until now.
But the way that he was saying it? The way that his voice was toned with annoyance, with anger---it only made him feel on edge.
" but i was there sieun, brought you back to your appartment fucking safely, took you-- " he continued, voice growing more hoarse as he stepped closer toward him, before being cut off.
And now that he'd thought of it, it was the same, either way.
Whether or not he was taken home by someone like him or left on the verge of passing out slouched against the bar stool, it would've had the same outcome.
The things that, he, told him that he did to him? The things that Seongje had told him only two days ago, the words that he had muttered against his skin, against his neck, his face. But even if it was the opposite way around, even if it was Sieun, who started it---who climbed ontop of him, who grabbed his waist and flipped him over, who urged him to---it didn't matter. Didn't matter to him.
But even worse, was the feeling.
The day after something like, that. The moment he entered the shower and felt it, felt it pouring out of him like it would never stop, like it would just keep going. He hated it, wanted to erase the entire thing from his head, wanted to shove it into the back of his mind and forget about it.
So when the words managed to escape his mouth, they came out so fast, so sudden, that Seongje couldn't even finish his sentence.
" would it of even mattered? -- would it of had a difference? " he said suddenly, returning his gaze to face him as his voice was filled with frustration.
The word that was supposed to leave his mouth faded into nothing but a ragged breath, as Seongje looked at him, eyes narrowed, furrowing his brows at him.
It went silent for a few seconds at most, nothing but Seongje giving him this look, seeming as if he were confused, dumbfounded, infuriated. But that was only until he barely, saw his expression change, caught the way that his face shifted as if he had realized, it.
" are you fucking saying that i raped you? " he said suddenly, a questioning tone lined across his voice as he only grew louder, more irritated.
When he heard those words, he didn't say anything, didn't know what to say. But in a way, that was, what he was saying.
He just stood there, his body attacking him with heat that seemed to appear out of nowhere as he breathed raggedly, letting out quiet breathes. He wasn't even looking at him, either, wasn't seeing that way that, he, was looking at him. His eyes were shifting around their surroundings, trying to find somewhere to look, at least, as his mind was constantly being attacked with thoughts.
But the silence around them crumbled when he, all of a sudden, swung his arm down and smashed the glass bottle just below Sieun, making a loud crash that pierced through the silence that hung over them. It shattered into pieces, some seeming as if they had hit him, small ragged pieces of glass lined across the floor as they reflected the faint moonlight that shined above them.
He furrowed his brows as he looked toward him, gaze shifting between the glass shattered against the cement floor and him.
" y'know your full of shit, " he suddenly blurted out, glaring at Sieun as his voice remained hoarse.
Sieun just looked at him, gaze fluttering around him as he stood there. But only after a few seconds passed, did his gaze return to him. He caught him step forward enough so that they were only inches away, only a thin line of air dividing them.
" you want me to remind you of all the fucking things you told me that night? " Seongje said raggedly, glaring at him as he shoved at him.
He tilted his head downwards when he felt him shove him backwards, pushing against the top of his chest enough so that he was forced to move back, to step back involuntarily.
" all the slutty shit you said to me? all the fucking things you begged me for? " he continued, voice loud and hoarse, still shoving Sieun backward after a few seconds.
And he just kept stepping forward, kept closing the space in between them. Every second, every time those words came out of him, he would press down against him and shove him backwards, and it got to a point where Sieun couldn't even take a second to think, to breath. He just looked up at him, eyes boiling over with frustration as he continued being shoved at.
But what he said next, the next words that came out of him---those were enough to make him come back to his senses.
" or should i remind juntae? send him that video of you on your fucking knees begging like a fucking animal, " he said suddenly, voice ragged and loud as he shoved at his chest again.
Those words, that name, it immediately made him snap back to reality.
His gaze that was previously shifting around him immediately hit his, as their eyes locked. The eyes that were glaring through him, narrowed on him as he only moved closer, stepped closer enough to shatter the space in between them.
" don't think i won't fucking do it, " he suddenly added as he stared at Sieun, his voice growing more demanding.
And when he shoved at him again, for the fifth time atleast, it was enough for him to finally get a word out after being silent for so long.
With him saying something like, that? Him saying something as insane as that, practically 'threatening' him---it put him on edge. And knowing that he had videos, knowing that he had countless amounts of pictures, of photos, of proof? Knowing that, he, with one click against his screen, could do something like, that. It made him still, made his stomach drop in the matter of seconds.
So the word barely managed to escape his mouth, coming out as nothing as a breath compared to Seongje's overly loud, harsh words.
" stop, " he said sternly, looking straight at him as the word faded into a ragged breath.
But he didn't even listen
Didn't even listen to him, to that one word that barely managed to come out of him. He just scoffed loudly underneath his breath, glaring at Sieun as if what he had said was 'entertaining.' And in the matter of seconds, he shoved at him again---abruptly pushed his hands against his chest, making him jolt backwards at the sudden action.
" oh what're you gonna do huh? gonna reach into your pocket? " he began, voice growing louder as he held his harsh gaze on Sieun.
And after atleast a minute straight of being pushed at, forcefully stepping backward praying that he wouldn't trip, Seongje shoved harshly at his chest again as he managed to finally hit a concrete wall behind him. He grunted underneath his breath when he hit it, turning his head to the side for a few seconds.
But in the matter of seconds, the space that divided them, the few inches that separated them, shattered into pieces. He couldn't even move back, couldn't even step any further as his back pressed against the wall behind him.
" gonna take out some fucking pen and stab me? " Seongje continued, only tightening the space between them as he stepped forward, voice hoarse and ragged.
When he felt the heat of his ragged breathes hit his face, it attacked him like a heatwave. All over, all over his entire body, making him feel as if he were standing infront of a flame, grazing against his face. In seconds, that's what he felt---felt as if his face was getting scorched.
Sieun just looked at him, furrowing his brows, irritated. Frustrated, feeling as if he were about to boil over any minute, second.
" go ahead sieun, do it " he said sternly, eyes glaring through him as his voice remained ragged, shoving against his chest so that he hit the wall.
He grunted at the action, tensing his eyes when his body jolted backward---when he barely, felt the impact of him hitting the concrete wall hard.
But at this point, he couldn't even think straight. Couldn't even take a second to process what was going on, to think clearly. All he could think of, though, was the feeling that was rising steadily inside of him, growing stronger each second that passed, boiling inside of him. And after that? After being shoved at for what felt like the hundredth time already, by him?
After being shoved back against the wall, hitting it hard as a slight wave of pain attacked his body. That alone, was enough to set him on edge. He was tensing his fists, holding them by his sides, gripping tightly as if it were the only thing holding him back. But at this point, he couldn't even hold back.
" i don't fucking c-- " Seongje began, voice cutting through the silence that surrounded him before being abruptly cut off.
The heat that attacked his body, that managed to come from nowhere, reached the point to where he felt as if he were boiling, all over. And Seongje's ragged, harsh breathes against his face didnt help, not even close. It only made it worse, so worse that he didn't even take a second to think when he swung at, him.
His breathes growing more ragged as each second passed, he locked eyes with Seongje for a few seconds, at most. And before he could even finish his sentence, before he could finish the word that was about to escape his lips,
Sieun hastily brought his arm up, swung his fist forward, and punched him. Hit him hard against his face, the face that was right infront of him, glaring through him, tearing through him. It crashed right against the side of his eye, hard enough so that his glasses immediately flew off, falling to the floor as a sharp crack sounded.
Seongje immediately jerked back at the sudden action, grunting at the impact as he wasn't even close, to expecting something like, that. Wasn't even expecting Sieun to have the strength, the sense to do something as sudden as that. Sieun lowered his arm back against his side, breathing raggedly, tensing his fingers at the sharp pain that seemed to explode throughout his hand after doing something like that.
He stared, eyes boiling over with tension as Seongje tensed his eye shut, bringing one of his hands up to feel at the area, grunting underneath his breath. He tilted his head down to face the glasses, his glasses, now lying against the floor. The lens, even noticeable from afar, was cracked, small pieces of it lined across the pavement floor.
And after a few seconds of his gaze locked against the floor, their eyes met. His eyes locked with his, and there was no doubt whether or not he was on the verge of boiling over. Just his eyes, the eyes that were tearing through his---the rage that was lying beneath them---he stilled when he saw, that. And the seconds that followed that were unbearable. It felt longer than it should've, like time was slowing down by the seconds, as they just stood inches away from eachother, breathing raggedly.
But only after a few more heavy breathes and harsh looks, did Seongje shift. Without any warning whatsoever, he barely managed to catch him swing his arm forward beneath them before crashing it into his lower abdomen, swinging his fist upward hard, just below his chest. And when he felt the impact, it was enough to make his body jerk backwards, to knock the air straight out of him.
He tilted his head down as he breathed heavily, grunting underneath his breath as he gasped for air. Bringing one of his hands to feel at the area, he couldn't even take a second to catch his breath before, he, made the next move.
With his head hung low, his upper body was immediately jerked backwards when Seongje suddenly threw his hands onto the sides of his blazer, gripped the fabric harshly, and pulled him forward before shoving him back against the wall hard. Almost immediately, his head was thrown back against the hard concrete, making a loud thud noise around them. And the feeling hit him hard, as he stood there, breathing heavily as a sharp wave of pain spreading throughout his entire upperbody. He tensed his eyes, gritting his teeth as the pain attacked his entire body---his head, his chest, all over.
And with his head ringing for a few seconds at most, nothing but a loud piercing ring sounding through his mind, he could just barely, hear his voice in the back of his head.
" your so fucking pathetic, " he blurted out loudly, voice ragged over his heavy breathes as he leaned in close toward him, holding his grip tight against the sides of his blazer.
But trying to ease the pain, trying to do anything to stop the piercing noise blaring through his mind as he tensed his eyes shut, immediately proved impossible as in the matter of seconds,
Seongje brought one of his hands up, slid it onto the front of his neck, and wrapped his fingers around his skin as his grip tightened harshly, pushing him back firmly against the wall behind him. His eyes shot open when he felt his grip tighten against him, as his eyes fluttered towards his. Sieun was breathing raggedly, each breath barely managing to come out of him as his grip only tightened, when their eyes met.
Through his vision that seemed to grow fainter each second, the corners of his eyes growing blurry, he could just barely see the way that, he, was looking at him---how his eyes were tensely narrowed on nothing but him, how his lips were parted enough so that heavy breathes escaped him. How he could barely, in the corner of his blurry vision, see Seongje holding his fist by his side, holding it up beside his face as if he were about to swing at him any second. It looked like it, too, looked as if he were about to reach his breaking point, as his fist remained still, shuddering just beside Sieun's face.
But at this point, his grip was too tight. His hand that was pressing harshly into the front of his neck, that was pressing his back firmly against the wall---it was too strong to the point where his throat felt as if it were being crushed, his bones being shattered into pieces. So as choked breathes escaped him, as his vision only grew more fainter as seconds passed, he brought one of his shuddering hands up and placed his against Seongje's, trying any attempt to tug his hand backwards---to pull back.
And Seongje was breathing so heavily to where Sieun could feel each one of them, could feel the heat of each of his ragged breathes hitting his face. The inch that divided them, the barely noticeable line of thin air that separated them, their faces only inches apart. And as Sieun looked into his glaring eyes, right infront of him, his vision was starting to blur completely, as his eyes fluttered open and closed. And his grip against Seongje? His hand that was shuddering against him, the only thing that could possibly make him pull back? It loosened, his grip released against him as his hand just lazily gripped his arm, seeming as if it could slide off any second.
Seongje just stood there, frozen, breathing heavily like he'd just ran for miles on end. And did he pull back? After Sieun's weak attempt to urge him to do so, none of it had an impact. His fist that seemed to remain by the side of Sieun's face as if it could smash against him any second just stayed there, shuddering heavily as his breathes grew more ragged.
The grip around his neck grew to a point where he felt like he would pass out any second, pass out from asphyxiation, from suffocation. He probably was, as his limbs grew weaker, his eyes fluttering closed. But after what felt like torture, what felt like hours on end of being held like, this, being choked by, him,
His eyes shot open as he gasped for air, once he felt his fatal grip against him release. Seongje pulled back, but not entirely. All he did was release his grip against the front of his neck before sliding his hand around the back, gripping the back of his neck tightly. A few breathes atleast, was what he managed to get. Nothing more than a few gasps, a few heavy inhales as if he were surviving on a sliver of life,
Before the room around them completely shifted.
As Sieun stood just infront of the wall---inches away from, him---heaving back and forth as he tried any attempt to recover from what felt like his wind pipes were being crushed, the last gasp he took ended up being cut off, as his mouth clashed against his. As, he, without any warning, without any hesitation whatsoever,
Dug his fingers into the back of Sieun's neck and pulled him forward ; leaned forward so that his weight was harshly pressing against his, so that his heat immediately hit Sieun like a gush of fire against his body.
He shut his eyes tightly, tensing them shut as his breath was swallowed by, him.
By Seongje, who, in the matter of seconds, was now restlessly pressing his mouth against his, harshly pressing his lips against his, firmly. But whatever this was, couldn't really be classified as a 'kiss'---he couldn't even understand how he could do something like, this. It was aggressive, nowhere near calm, soft, tender. The complete opposite---nothing but him pressing his weight hard against him so that he was being pressed harshly against the wall, the concrete wall behind him. The same wall that he shoved him into only seconds ago, only minutes. That he choked him to death against, that he left him gasping for air against.
And only seconds later?
This. Whatever this was, was happening, so fast that Sieun couldn't even think, process. He just stood there, tensing his eyes shut as his mouth was being attacked by, his---so harshly, so hard that he couldn't even breath, only heavy exhales escaping though his nose as he panted. But despite how weak his limbs felt, he managed to raise one of his hands and place it against Seongje's chest, gripping his blazer tightly like it was the only thing keeping him breathing.
He could feel everything clearly---the fingers that were digging into the back of his neck, tearing at his skin ; the hand that was gripping against his shoulder, tightening against the soft fabric of his blazer ; the mouth that was devouring his, leaving him breathless ; the body was pressed tightly against his.
But when he brought his shuddering hand up to Seongje's chest, he didn't even know what to do. He wanted to pull back, wanted to breath, to actually take a second to recover as he could feel the soreness around the sides of his neck rising. He could've done it, all he had to do was one thing---he could've shoved at his chest, pressed his hand down against him, turned his face toward the side, push against him as he walked away. But he wasn't doing any of that, and he didn't know why. He was just holding his hand against him, pressing his shuddering grip against the fabric of his blazer as Seongje's movements only grew harsher by the second.
But despite not being able to do something as simple as that, he was able to do one thing, though. He needed to breath, to actually inhale the air that surrounded him. So after feeling as if he were on the verge of suffocation, he managed to tilt his head back far enough against the wall so that he had, to pull back.
They were both breathing heavily, faces only inches apart as Sieun immediately gasped for air, eyes fluttering open and closed. And he wanted to say something, say something that would atleast help him make sense of the situation. It was all happening so fast, happening so suddenly that he couldn't even comprehend, anything.
One word---one name---managed to escape his lips, managed to come out in between the gasps and heavy inhales,
" seongj-- " he said hastily, the word barely coming out as nothing but a heavy breath, nothing but a desperate exhale.
But he couldn't even get the entire word out before, he, shifted, before he felt him slide his hand onto the back of his head and run his fingers through his hair. He grunted underneath his breath when he felt, him, tilt his head back downwards, his grip tightening against his hair as he dug his fingers into the strands.
And when he heard his voice,
When he felt his voice right against him, inches away from him---when he felt the warm lips that were grazing against his, feeling the heat of each ragged breath that left him---it was enough to make his mind go blank.
The two words that came out of him,
That barely managed to leave his lips over his heavy exhales as his grip grew harsher by the second---as Seongje only seemed to get closer, so close, that he could feel the heat of him radiating toward him.
" stop talking, " he muttered in between heavy breathes,
Directly against his lips, fading into nothing but a ragged exhale.
- - -
After barely a second of gasping for air, lips brushing up against one another, he closed his eyes shut when he felt his grip tighten against his hair, dragging him forward by the slightest ; pressing his lips firmly against his, each breath being swallowed by him.
And after that, he had no idea why his body was doing this, why it was making him, do this. His mind was spiralling, turning countless amounts of times over and over, endlessly, as Seongje continued without a thought.
But his mind was cleared to the brim of any thoughts when he, did it.
When he didn't even think, didn't even let a second thought breeze passed him when he ran his hand along the fabric of Seongje's blazer. When he brought it upwards, sliding it across his upperbody ; when he slid it onto the back of his neck and. He did it in the matter of seconds, his mind completely clouded over by him. And when he pulled him forward,
When he felt the harsh heat of his body against him, when he dug his fingers into the skin along his neck, he shut his eyes tight, closing them tensely as if it were the only thing easing the situation around them.
But worse, was that he, wasn't just frozen.
He wasn't just standing still, pressed back against the cement wall that stood behind them. His lips weren't still, they weren't resting shut just as they were only seconds ago. But they were doing the exact opposite---he, was doing the exact opposite ; moving his lips against his, kissing him back without a thought, trying to, atleast. It was like he was stuck on the borderline of decision, his grip tightening harshly against the back of, his, neck as it seemed as if he were trying to tug him backward---to make him pull back.
And as he shut his eyes tight, as he breathed restlessly into the mouth that was devouring his, he barely managed to process it when he suddenly felt Seongje pull his grip back from against his hair and bring his hands over toward the fabric strap across his shoulder. He didn't even pull back, didn't even take a second to stop, as Sieun felt him pulling against the strap of his backpack---tearing it off of him, slipping his hands around the back of his upper body as he slid the straps off of his shoulders, hastily.
For a few seconds at most, he pulled back, the both of them breathing heavily, gasping for air. His eyes fluttered open and closed as he tilted his head back against the concrete wall, barely catching Seongje in his faint vision turn his head to the side briefly---and judging by the soft, loud thud against the floor beside them, he was guessing he must've threw the backpack to the side. Sieun's grip was still tight against the back of his neck when he turned back to face him, and in the matter of seconds, crashed his mouth against his.
Almost immediately, Sieun closed his eyes tight at the feeling,
The feeling that exploded throughout his entire body as soon as their mouthes clashed, as soon as he felt the heat against this lips, the tongue that pushed deeper each second. It was happening so fast, so sudden that he barely even noticed when Seongje gripped his wrist and pulled his arm back down against his side, hastily dragging his hand off the back of his neck. Almost immediately, he felt him brush his fingers against the sides of his blazer---felt him, tugging against the sides, hurriedly pulling it off his shoulders, shoving it off his arms as he tore the entire thing off of Sieun, throwing it someone beside them.
And literally seconds after doing so, his lower body shuddered, still being harshly pressed against the wall as he continued being suffocated, when he felt, him, brush his hand underneath the hem of his collared shirt. When he felt one of his hands slide across his chest, running hastily up the thin fabric of his shirt onto the back of his head, running his fingers threw his hair as he tightened his grip against him;
When he felt him, slip the other underneath the hem of his shirt, brushing his hand against his side as he hastily ran it along his skin---along his waist, across his chest, tightening his harsh grip against his side. Sieun's hands that were previously resting against his sides, hanging low beside him, now made their way onto the back of Seongje's neck, the front of his chest as his grip tightened against him.
He couldn't even understand what was happening, too.
But even if he tried, he couldn't. His mind was too fogged up to even let a thought breeze passed his head. How they, only minutes ago, were practically arguing with one another---Seongje throwing harsh words against his face, giving him glaring stares, shoving against his chest like he'd boil over any second. How Sieun swung at him, how he mindlessly brought his hand up towards his face and hit him hard---how he shattered his glasses, cracking the lens as they fell to the concrete floor.
That was only minutes ago, maybe even seconds. And in the span of a minute, they were now doing, this. Nothing but Seongje pressing his entire weight against him, pressing him back so harshly, so tightly against the wall that it hurt ; holding his grip tight against him, digging his fingers into the soft skin against the side of his chest, against the strands of his hair ; viciously devouring his mouth, firmly pressing his lips against his without a thought.
And Sieun? He was just letting him, do this. Letting Seongje do this to him, making him do this to him as he only pulled him closer with his harsh grip against the back of his neck.
Everything about it, all of it, made his mind go blank in seconds. Flushed all of his spiralling thoughts away, made them dissapear into thin air. He was just completely lost in the feeling that only seemed to grow stronger each second that passed, inside of him.
But that's why he didn't react as quick as he would've,
Why he didn't notice it immediately, when it happened.
- - -
With his eyes tightly closed shut, tensing them every second, at every movement he felt against his lips, he barely managed to catch the faint light that shined through his eyelids. The bright light that seemed to come out of nowhere, barely noticeable as his body grew weaker by the seconds.
But when he did open his eyes, when they barely, managed to flutter open slightly, his eyes widened. Widened at the sight of a strong, harsh beam of light being shined directly onto them, in the distance toward their left.
Only after a few seconds did Seongje must've notice, as he pulled back slightly enough to suddenly turn his head to the side, facing the direction to which the glaring light was coming from. And given how dark the room now seemed, Sieun couldn't even make out where it was coming from, who, it was coming from---but even if he tried, his mind was too fried to even attempt. His eyes were just fixated against the glaring light as he gasped for air, breathing heavily as he released his grip against, him, both his arms falling down to rest by his sides.
It seemed as if it were growing closer, too,
Inching closer towards them as if it were about to swallow him whole any second. But that's exactly what it was doing, what they, were doing, as two faint silhouettes emerged from the darkness that stretched beside them, barely illuminated from the bright light being shined onto them.
And in the matter of seconds, he didn't even move when he felt Seongje hastily wrap his fingers around his wrist, when he felt him tugging him backwards, seeming as if he were trying to get him to follow him. He just stood there frozen, breathes heavy as he could hear his voice in the back of his mind---shouting at him, yelling at his face, saying his name as he tugged against his wrist.
The light only grew closer as the two silhouettes looked static, blurred through his faint vision. But it wasn't a question whether or not they were growing closer, almost seeming as if they were, running? Rushing towards them, one holding a flashlight in their grasp as the loud footsteps echoed throughout the concrete maze, yelling something out that was completely drowned out by his thoughts. And after a few more tugs against his wrist, Seongje trying anything to make him snap back to reality, he barely managed to catch him slip his hand off of him as he brushed passed his side, running off somewhere he couldn't even care to look beside him.
He squinted his eyes once the figure approached him, shining the beam of light directly onto his face as the other bursted out running---running after Seongje, at least. And after standing still for so long, his mind still trying to recover from everything, his gaze shifting below him when he felt the figure shove against his side, making his back face him as he heard the sound of metal click behind him.
When he felt his hands being pulled behind his back, the figure grabbing at the hands that were rested by his sides as they pulled it behind his lower body, his eyes widened. With his gaze fixated against the cement floor, mind spiralling, he grunted underneath his breath when he felt the cold curved metal brush against his wrists, wrapping tightly around him as a sharp metallic click sounded. He gradually managed to slip back toward reality after that, after feeling the tight handcuffs against his wrists, as the figure brushed passed his side and stood infront of him.
He squinted his eyes as the beam of light hit him, the figure holding the glaring flashlight against his face. But it wasn't even a question who the figure was, anymore, who the silhouettes who approached them were.
With his gaze fixed below him as he tilted his head down to face the floor, to not be blinded, he could just barely in the distance behind him hear the sound of loud footsteps crashing against the floor, someone shouting in the distance as it echoed off the wall of the concrete maze. And after what felt like being blinded at full brightness, he exhaled underneath his breath when he caught the glare of the light fade away, the officer now shining the light down below them so that the room wasn't completely pitch dark.
He barely processed the words that suddenly came out of the figure infront of him as he stood there, in shock, dumbfounded.
" tresspassing? what's a smart kid like you doing something like that? " the officer asked, voice low as he held the light down below them.
Sieun couldn't even gather the words to say something as his mind was being attacked with thoughts. His eyes fluttered around the cracks in the cement floor below him, breathes gradually dying down into something more shallower. And as he were about to open his mouth, to figure out what to say, atleast, he heard the sound of shuffling footsteps behind him, the sound of loud shouts growing closer.
He turned his head to the side enough to see him, who was unsurprisingly, having his hands held back by the officer behind him as he twisted to the sides in his grasp. The officer hastily brought him over, yelling things behind his back that Sieun couldn't understand as he saw him get shoved against the wall just beside him. Almost immediately the officer tugged both his hands backward and hurriedly clamped the metal rings down with a sharp click, tight enough to make Seongje grunt loaded over his heavy breathes.
As the frustrated officer brought Seongje over towards them, he turned his head back around to face the floor below him, still trying to comprehend everything as mind remained blurred.
" your friend over here really knows how to piss off a cop, " the officer said beside them, voice toned with irritation as Seongje muttered curses beside him.
Though he's never really had any experience with anything like this, before---what to do, how to act when cops approach you like, this---he knew that running away wasn't anywhere near the ballpark. Seeing brief scenes on his TV, late night crime shows he'd watch alongside his mom when he was young, atleast helped him get an idea of what was happening.
He gradually slipped back toward reality when he felt the other officer grip the back of his hands, holding the other against his shoulder as he began stepping forward, making Sieun walk involuntarily. In the corner of his eye, he could see Seongje still trying to twist away from the officer on his right, loud shouts being yelled from behind him.
" we weren't going to do anything fucking illegal, we were jus-- " he heard him blurt out beside him, voice loud over the faint sounds of footsteps.
Before he could finish, though, he was cut off abruptly by the officer behind him, holding down his twisting body.
" you ran willingly from a cop, you think saying that makes this any better? " the officer said loudly behind him, now pushing him forward beside them.
He heard Seongje grunt loudly beside him as the officers made them walk forward, Sieun holding his gaze against the cement floor as he walked, the harsh grip of the metal rings making his wrists feel sore.
" you'll explain the rest at the station, " the officer added sternly, voice toned with annoyance.
That word managed to atleast help him somewhat, gather his senses, as he still tried to wrap his head around the situation. Around the fact that they, we're now being arrested, getting arrested as they walked forward toward the rusted metal door that was now swung wide open.
His thoughts managed to clear out when he heard Seongje beside him, caught him barely, in the corner of his eye, pivot his head to the side to face the distance behind him.
" hey-- wait, grab his backpack, " he said suddenly over his shoulder, the words coming out hastily over his shallow breathes.
Sieun turned his head to the side to face him when he heard that, when he heard the words, processed them. He didn't even realize that they'd left his backpack slumped against the cracked floor until now, which knowing him, was a shock. He looked over towards the officer holding Seongje, as he saw him face the other officer. It looked almost as if he had made a face as he caught him make a gesture with his head, nodding toward the side.
He heard a faint sigh behind him as he felt the officer release his tight grip against his hands, against his shoulder as he heard footsteps trailing into the distance behind him. Exhaling underneath his breath, he kept his gaze fixed below him as he could just barely, in the sides of his eye, see Seongje turning his head to face him, looking over at him.
But he didn't even turn to face him, didn't even take a second to look over at him.
After what felt longer than it should've, nothing but faint footsteps in the distance and wind curling passed their sides, he felt the officer grip the back of his hands and shoulder again as he pushed him forward, continuing to make them walk toward the torn up door ahead of them.
When he heard Seongje say something beside him, it was barely understandable, barely hearable over his loud thoughts.
" shit my glasses, " he said suddenly, groaning underneath his breath as they continued walking forward, forcefully.
Only after a few more steps did they manage to hit the rusted metallic doorway as they brushed through it, passing beneath it as one of the officers clicked a bright flashlight on. They shined it infront of them as it immediately illuminated the whole area, the wide corridor they walked mindlessly down only minutes ago, maybe even hours. The same corridor from which they first entered, which now that he thought of it, seemed like a faint memory tucked into the back of his mind.
They passed through it as Sieun kept his gaze fixed below him the whole time, not even taking a second to tilt his head upwards to face his surroundings. Unsurprisingly, they then passed through the last doorway that led to the outside, the seemingly dark area that surrounded them. Almost immediately, a cool breeze of air rushed against him, making him exhale as they continued walking, now stepping forward along the cracked pavement lining the side of the towering walls.
It was nothing but them walking only a few inches apart, being pushed forward involuntarily, as they crossed the outside of the dark building.
- - -
They both grunted underneath their breathes when they were shoved into the police car, brushing passed the doorway of the car as they landed against the leather seats.
Sieun winced slightly when he felt the impact of the curved metal around his wrists hit the backrest, sending a sharp wave of pain through his hands. The doors beside both of them shut abruptly, making a loud thud as the officers climbed into the front, the sound of seatbelts clicking in seconds.
Their shoulders were brushing up against each other as they sat there, in the back a police car as the engine started up. The noise of faint static, sudden bursts of radio dialogue almost similar to what you'd hear from a walkie-talkie, a two way radio, could be heard through the thin metal hatches lined infront of them, a row of crossed metal dividing them from the area ahead.
He exhaled inaudibly as he leaned his head back against the leather backrest behind him, closing his eyes for a few seconds at most. That was until Seongje notably broke the silence between them, that hung over them like a towering shadow.
At random, it was so sudden that Sieun turned to face him, as he heard him begin laughing faintly beside him. He just, without any hesitation, bursted out laughing beside him, his head hanging low as Sieun watched in awe. It wasn't loud that it seemed genuine, but more of a faint laugh as he sat beside him, shoulders brushing up against one another.
Sieun just stared at him, dumbfounded. Annoyed, by how he was acting like, his? After everything that had happened in the span of minutes.
" why are y-- how is this funny? " he said hastily beside him, furrowing his brows as he watched Seongje.
He caught him tilt his head back upwards, faint laughs escaping his lips as he leaned his head back against the leather behind them. His eyes were just closed shut, a faint smile lined across his face as he continued like it was the most laughable thing he's ever seen.
" it's fucking hilarious, " he said in between slight laughs, his voice fading into an exhale.
And he just kept going, kept laughing beside him as his head fell down again, shifting beside him. Sieun exhaled as he turned his head to face the side, not even knowing what to think of the situation---of everything. Frustration, annoyance, anxiousness, all of it made it's way towards his head as he closed his eyes for a few seconds.
They gradually reopened though, when he heard him again, heard him make one of those stupid comments.
" shit, i can't believe i'm getting arrested with you sieun, " he said in between faint laughs, chest rising restlessly back and forth beside him.
His gaze was fixed below him as he heard those words, only making him tense at the way they came out of his mouth. But he was thinking the same thing, too, at least started thinking the same thing when he heard Seongje say those words.
How it all happened to fast---him, stepping closer, closing the space in between them as he threw harsh words at his face ; him, gripping at his blazer and shoving him back against the wall, leaving Sieun breathless ; him, holding his fist inches away from his face, his hand shuddering as it just stayed there, seeming as if he could break him any second. How he went from glaring at him, eyes tearing through his face, to pulling him forward, pressing his lips down against his. And only minutes after that, only what felt like seconds did this, happen, did two sudden figures seem to appear at the wrong time.
His thoughts were pushed aside when he heard one of them say something sudden infront of them, as Seongje continued letting out faint laughs.
" can you two atleast try to be quiet back there? " one of them said over their shoulder as they drove down the dark road, breezing passed brightly lit buildings.
He turned to face Seongje immediately, who was the only one noticeably making noise. Sieun was quiet, nothing but shallow exhales, but him? His head just hanged low, slight laughs escaping his lips.
Staring at him blankly, frustrated, he shifted suddenly toward his left as he shoved his shoulder against him, shoving at his side to atleast try to knock some sense into him. That, atleast managed to make him shut his mouth as a faint smile curled around his face, only slight muffled laughs escaping him as he snickered beside him. Turning his head back to face infront of him, he exhaled underneath his breath as he died down beside him.
But only after a few seconds, did he pivot his head to the side. He felt Seongje, beside him, shift against the seat as he moved barely an inch closer towards him. And in seconds, Sieun was dumbfounded when he felt him lean against him, lowering his head against his shoulder as he let out a deep sigh. He sat there, frozen against the leather seat as the heat from him hit against his body---the heat from his body that was being pressed against his, from the head that was resting against his shoulder.
That managed to clear his head of any thoughts, managed to atleast make him feel somewhat, comfortable. Calm, feeling the warmth of him against his side as he breathed shallowly, gaze fixated infront of him.
And after a few seconds at most, he went quiet. The entire area around them went quiet, silent, only faint radio static coming through periodically.
Nothing but occasional shifts against the seats,
Seongje brushing up against his side whenever they'd hit a rough patch of road, tall illuminated buildings breezing passed their sides, as they sat there.
- - -
| 9 : 58 P M
After being pulled through the large doorway of the station, being pushed forward by their shoulders and hands, they were now sitting down against two plastic chairs, a wooden desk infront of them.
It was just the average talk you'd get whenever your brought into a station---what they've been charged with, what the consequences could be, along with countless amounts of questions ; what they were doing there, why, how. For the most part, Sieun just remained silent, having no idea what to say as he sat against the plastic chair, eyes heavy from exhaustion.
Seongje, who was beside him, seemed like he knew what he was doing as he leaned forward and talked to the man behind the desk, leaning back occasionally against plastic chair as he groaned underneath his breath. And for Sieun, everything about the area was barely tolerable,
The bright, blinding white lights that shined above them, all over the room, so bright to the point where he had to keep his eyes rested in order to lessen the feeling ; the constant sounds of clamoring around him, people hastily walking around the rows of small offices as people were continuesly dragged into the station, shouting out words, yelling ; the sharp metal cuffs that seemed to tighten each second, so harsh that his wrists felt sore.
And at some point---he couldn't even remember exactly when---he barely managed to catch the man behind the desk suddenly stand up as he walked over toward Seongje, beside him. They both left for a minute at most, Sieun being left sat against the uncomfortable chair as he tilted his head down slightly, eyes barely remaining open. He wasn't even questioning where they went, either, was too exhausted to even care.
But after atleast a minute, his eyes gradually reopened when he felt someone behind him grip against his shoulder and urge him to stand up. He assumed that they were going to be taken someone else, maybe even more questioning, but he was dumbfounded when he felt someone gripping at the harsh handcuffs behind him. And in seconds, he heard a quiet metallic click as the metal rings loosened, slid off of his wrists.
He exhaled at the feeling as he immediately brought his hands over towards the front of him, tilting his head down as he faced them. He tensed his fingers as a faint red mark was lined across his wrists, seemingly dark. But after standing still for long enough, dumbfounded, he turned around to see an officer behind him.
His gaze met his as he looked at him, blankly---confused by how he just suddenly let him go without any words. But all aside, he thanked the man as Sieun watched him walk away after a few seconds, brushing passed the busy rows of desks lined throughout the entire room. Turning his head to face back toward the chairs they were just sitting against, he furrowed him brows when he noticed that, he, wasn't here. Wasn't beside him anymore, nor was the man who was behind the wooden desk.
Pivoting his head to the sides, he mindlessly scanned the area around him---the hundreds of people brushing passed one another, some shouting, hastily walking through the small offices. His expression changed when he managed to catch a silhouette in the distance, leaning against the wall of a hallway not too far ahead of him. And when he saw the figure nod their head to the side motioning towards his way, he exhaled underneath his breath as he stepped forward walked over.
After a few steps, he reached him. Almost immediately, he turned his head to the side when he felt him wrap his fingers around his lower arm, bringing it up towards him. He winced underneath his breath when he felt him brush his finger against the red mark, tensing at the feeling.
" shit, that looks like that hurts " Seongje said beside him, holding his hand up just below his face.
Sieun turned to face him as Seongje continued examining the faint red mark across his wrist, tilting his head down at it. It wasn't even a question, though, whether or not it hurt---it felt strained, like a sharp piece of metal had clashed against his skin, wrapping around it tightly.
" it does, " he said blankly, voice low as he turned back to face his lower arm.
His gaze was focused against the tiled floor below them when he felt him release his grip against him, lowering his hand back down to rest by his side. He barely managed to catch Seongje lean in close, close enough so that he was pressing against his side. But he didn't even react, didn't react as much as he would've if he wasn't so exhausted, atleast.
" you need me to kiss it for you hm? " he said beside him mockingly, face seemingly close to his side as his face was washed over with 'worry.'
He turned to the side when he heard those words directly beside him. For a few seconds at most, their eyes locked, Seongje giving him a 'worried' face as Sieun just looked at him blankly. He exhaled underneath his breath as he turned away from him, shifting his gaze around the hallway infront of him.
Beside him, he heard Seongje laugh faintly underneath his breath, fading into an exhale. He pivoted his head to the side when he suddenly felt him brush his fingers against his lower arm, holding it up a bit.
" here, " he said beside him, voice low as he held his arm up and brought up the sleeve of his blazer passed his arm.
Sieun just stood there as he felt him move behind him, pulling the sleeves upwards as he pulled it behind his back and did the same with the other arm. He felt him brush his hands passed his shoulders across the fabric of his blazer as he brought them down below his chest, holding together the sides as he flicked his fingers around the fabric, doing up the buttons.
And he didn't know why,
Didn't know where this feeling even came from, but as he tilted his head down to face the hands that were just below him, the fingers that were brushing up against the fabric of his blazer as they carefully did up the buttons, his stomach sank. His breath got caught in his throat as he felt him brushing his arms against his sides, casually doing this, as if it were normal. As if it were normal to do something like this, to do something as unbearable, as this.
To Sieun, it wasn't even near normal, not even close. Feeling his arms press against his sides, feeling the heat of him standing directly behind him, seeing the hands that were driving him insane, right below him? The same hands that he punched him with countless times, that he shoved him with ; the same hands that he ran along his smooth skin, that he brushed passed his sides, that he slid onto his neck ; the same fingers, that he, without any hesitation, shoved inside of his mouth countless times, that he brought up toward his lower body and.
He managed to snap back to reality once he finally pulled back, bringing his hands back behind him as Sieun exhaled underneath his breath. Standing still, he was about to move until he felt him grip his arm, again, through the fabric of his blazer. He slid one of the straps of his backpack onto him, along his arm as he did the same with the other.
" you could've lost all your shit back there, lucky i remembered right? " he said behind him in between a faint laugh, directly behind him as he brought the straps up to his shoulders.
He actually was relieved by him doing something like that. But it felt, weird---someone like him doing as something as caring, as that? All aside though, he didn't want his mind to get clouded to the brim with thoughts, so he exhaled shallowly as he fixed his gaze below him.
" yeah, thank you " he said blankly over his shoulder, gaze fixated infront of him.
Seconds after doing so, he felt him slip his arm across the back of his upper body, resting it there as he began walking forward. Sieun, without a choice, stepped forward as they passed through the hallway towards the main entrance of the station, brushing passed hurried people on their sides.
And once they walked underneath the tall doorway of the entrance, he exhaled at the feeling---of not having his ears continuesly tortured by clamoring people around him, by not having his eyes strained from the blinding lights. He walked alongside him as Seongje immediately turned to the right and walked up the sidewalk lining the station for a few seconds at most, loud cars brushing passed their sides.
That was until they turned the corner of a narrow sidestreet, a thin alley with a road stretching down the distance. Sieun turned his head to the side as Seongje suddenly released his grip against him, slipping his arm off of his upper body as he leaned against the brick wall of one of the tall buildings behind them.
He watched as he pressed his back against the wall, closing his eyes as he tilted his head back against it, groaning underneath his breath.
" let's stop for a bit, my head fucking hurts, " he said inbetween a faint groan, tensing his eyes as he brought his hand up toward his forehead.
Sieun looked blankly at him for a few seconds before stepping forward, turning to face ahead of them as he stood back against the wall beside him. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as he heard the sound of a quiet metal click beside him, which without a doubt, already knew what it was.
Once reopened, barely keeping them open as his eyes grew heavier each second, he could see him, beside him holding his hand against his face, resting the cigarette inbetween his fingers as he exhaled the smoke out infront of them.
But almost at random, he turned his head to the side to face him when he, all of a sudden, gasped underneath his breath, loud enough so that it broke through the silence between them.
" look, " he said suddenly beside him, as Sieun turned his head to face his side.
Almost immediately, he watched in awe as Seongje flicked the cigarette that was resting inbetween his fingers somewhere in the distance beside them, as he walked forward toward something not too far ahead of them. Exhaling inaudibly, he followed him as they walked up the sidewalk lining the dark sidestreet.
He furrowed his brows when he saw Seongje crouch down, bending his knees as he crouched against the concrete pavement below them. Leaning a bit forward to see what he must've been doing, completely dumbfounded, his expression changed when he saw a small, black cat just beside him, staring in awe as Seongje reached his arm out to pet it, brushing his hand against it's fur.
It looked seemingly small, too, only a little larger than the size of a kitten, as it rubbed up against Seongje's hand, purring noticeably loud. His gaze shifted away from it as he saw Seongje pivot his head back to face him, looking up at him.
" why are you just standing there? pet it " he said suddenly, voice low as he looked up toward Sieun.
He looked down at him and then back at the small cat, watching in awe as it continuesly rubbed it's sides up against Seongje's hand.
After a few seconds of staring at the black cat below them, he turned back to face Seongje, who was unsurprisingly still looking up at him, furrowing his brows by the slightest.
" what if it has fleas, " he said blankly as he stared down at it, standing above Seongje still crouched against the floor.
When he turned back to face Seongje, he watched as he immediately let out a frustrated groan, closing his eyes for a few seconds as he titled his head back. Suddenly, though, he was dumbfounded when he felt Seongje wrap one of his hands along his wrist and tug him down, forcibly making him touch beside him as Sieun grunted underneath his breath.
" your too stubborn sieun, " he said beside him as he released his grip against his wrist and slid his fingers forward to grip his hand.
He watched in awe as he tugged his hand forward and brought it over towards the cat infront of them, releasing his grip once he reached it. In the corner of his eye, he could barely see him staring at him, see his head turned his way as the small cat began rubbing up against his hand that he held still.
So as he exhaled underneath his breath, he brought his hand up towards the cat as he began petting it, lazily running his hand along it's soft fur. From what he could remember, he's never had a pet before in his entire life---maybe only something small like a goldfish when he was young, but nothing other than that.
" see? it likes you, " he heard Seongje say beside him in between a slight laugh.
The hesitation that first attacked him managed to gradually die down---the thought of touching a random, stray cat Seongje just managed to casually find out of nowhere.
He continued running his hand along the soft fur that lined it's back, mindlessly staring at it as it felt somewhat, calming.
" it's kind of fucking cute, we should take it " Seongje suddenly said beside him, Sieun barely processing it.
Though, he turned to face toward his side when he heard him gasp audibly beside him, hastily turn to face toward Sieun. He felt his place one of his hands against his shoulder as he shoved at him briefly, a slight push.
" hey-- it looks like it could fit into your backpack, we sh-- " he blurted out beside him, words coming out hastily before being cut off by Sieun beside him.
He turned to face him as he exhaled inaudibly, furrowing his brows at him by how stupid he sounded, how random the words coming out of him were.
" i'm not doing that " he said blankly, focusing his gaze on Seongje beside him as he brought his hand back toward his side.
Placing one of his hands against the concrete sidewalk beneath them, he stood up as looked down at Seongje, who unsurprisingly, was still crouched down as he continuesly ran his hand along the small cat, muttering stuff underneath his breath. He heard him let out a deep exhale as he remained knees bent, reaching his arm out.
" but it's fucking sad just leaving it here, " he muttered in a 'worrisome' tone, trying any attempt to persuade him.
He couldn't even believe that this person below him, this person who was casually just petting a random cat they managed to find on a dimly lit alley, was him. The same person who had a reputation for breaking people, for leaving people crumbled against the floor gasping for air. Maybe it was the alcohol, the liters of liquid he chugged down that was turning him into whatever this was. It seemed so weird, so surreal as his mind only grew more cloudy from exhaustion.
But despite the tiredness, he managed to gather the strength to slip his hand into his pocket as he pulled out his phone and held the brightly lit screen below his face,
10 : 27 P M
He sighed underneath his breath when he saw those three distinct numbers lined across the illuminated screen. Expression blank, he brought his hand back down behind him as he slid the phone back into his pocket, now turning back to face Seongje crouched below him.
" it's late, we should go, " he said blankly above him, looking down at him in awe.
Seongje immediately let out an annoyed groan below him. And after a few more movements against the small cat, he finally pulled back, exhaling groggily underneath his breath as he gripped onto the side of Sieun's pants and pulled himself upwards. Sieun tried to stand straight as he felt his grip tighten against him, practically using him as he stood up, releasing his grip.
Without a question, he began walking alongside him as Seongje made his way toward the way they had entered from, muttering something underneath his breath as they climbed down the sidewalk. Once they hit the edge, inches away the main street, he followed as Seingje turned the corner and began walking straight up the sidewalk that lined the street on their left, passing towering buildings on their right.
" i think the subway should be down this street, you still have that card i gave you right? " Seongje suddenly said beside him, turning to face him as they walked alongside each other.
He turned to face him for a few seconds before nodding, returning his gaze to face the distance that stretched ahead of them. Just the thought of resting against the soft backrest of the traincar, of collapsing onto his plush bed---he exhaled as they continued climbing up the sidewalk inching toward what hopefully, would be the entrance to the subway.
And only after a few more minutes of walking side by side, stepping along the cement pavement beneath them, he managed to catch the small stairway just across the road, the thin pillars that held the small roof overhead. It was barely noticeable, too, with how dark their surroundings seemed, only faint streetlights lined in the distance toward the left of them across the street.
With his gaze fixated on it, he shifted his eyes away from it when he caught him, in the corner of his eye, brush passed his side and stand infront of him, only inches away from him. He turned to face him, expression blank as he looked at him.
" hey you gotta admit though, it was fun right? " he suddenly said in front of him, a faint smile lined across his face as he tilted his head at Sieun.
Processing those words, his mind didn't even know where to begin.
But without a question, that word---fun? That wouldn't even be close to the right thing he'd use to describe it, to describe this.
Everything that had happened in the span of hours of minutes---them mindlessly trespassing, them breaking and entering into an abandoned penitentiary, sitting side by side as the silence remained loud. And only minutes later? Nothing but them, nothing but him, throwing harsh words at his face, his voice piercing through the silence that surrounded the room, his tone repeating through Sieun's mind. And seconds later. Them doing something so quickly, him doing something so suddenly, that it mind his mind go blank in the matter of seconds. And ontop of that? Them getting arrested out of nowhere, out of thin air, at the most unexpected time there could possibly be.
Drowning out mindlessly in his thoughts, he came back to his senses when his voice pierced through them, flushing them out.
" your smiling, i saw it, " Seongje said suddenly, stepping closer towards Sieun as a faint grin curled around his face.
He knew he was tired, knew he was on the verge of passing out due to exhaustion and that everything around him seemed blurry. But it didn't take much to know for a fact, that he wasn't smiling---maybe just a slight movement of his lips but nothing even close to that.
His gaze hit Seongje's for a few seconds as he furrowed his brows at him before exhaling underneath his breath, turning his head to the side as they stood inches away. Though, he turned his head slightly toward the side, enough so that he could barely see him, when he caught him step forward and stand just beside him.
" you know, " Seongje began, voice low as he faced Sieun, slightly pressing into his side as he stood directly beside him.
Judging by his voice, by his tone, he didn't even have a doubt about what was about to come next. At this point it was too obvious---one of his random rants, a mocking comment.
But only after a few seconds, he stood there, dumbfounded. The words that slipped passed his lips, that rolled off of his tongue---they weren't even close to what he was expecting. Something along the lines of what he'd usually say, maybe pointing out something random, making a sudden comment about him. But it was nothing close to that, as Sieun stood still.
" i have a pair of handcuffs back at my place, if your into that kind of shit, " he said directly beside him, voice low as his face remained inches away from his.
Sieun turned to face him at how sudden, random those words seemed. Furrowing his brows by the slightest, he caught Seongje turn away for a few seconds, facing the distance that stretched infront of them.
" wouldn't be surprised after yesterday, " he muttered underneath his breath as he faced away from him, barely hearable for Sieun to process.
With how tired he seemed, how his eyes only grew more heavy as time passed, he just looked at him, dumbfounded. And despite how clouded his mind seemed, he managed to get one word out, barely slipping passed his lips as it came out quieter that expected.
" what? " he said blankly, a questioning tone in his voice as he faced Seongje, furrowing his brows.
His head that was previously turned away from his immediately shifted back to face him, as Seongje pivoted his face back toward Sieun. And the expression on Seongje's face, it only made him more confused, dumbfounded. It looked like he was stunned by that one word that barely managed to escape him, narrowing his eyes on him, tilting his head by the slightest as if he were examining every inch of him.
But after a few seconds of confused stares, he caught a slight smile curl around Seongje's face as he scoffed underneath his breath, leaning closer so that the space between them tightened.
" your so fucking innocent it's cute, really, " he said directly beside him, pressing into his side as his voice remained low.
He just stood still, frozen, still trying to wrap his head around the situation as his mind only remained blurry. But after a few seconds of remaining still, his upper body shuddered slightly when he suddenly felt him, run his hand across the fabric of his blazer, sliding it onto his shoulder as he gripped at the soft fabric.
" let's go back to my place hm? i'll show you what i mean, " he said beside him, their faces only inches away as Seongje leaned in close against his side, voice low.
His mouth opened, on the verge of saying something, but only a breath left his lips as he stood still. He was tired, eyes heavy as he fought the urge to keep them closed. His mind was only fixated on one thing, too---collapsing onto his bed as soon as he entered his appartment.
He tried to think of what to say, how to say it, what words. They managed to barely come out of his mouth as he stood there, Seongje pressing his weight against his side.
" i have homework i need to work on, i don't think, " he said blankly, voice quiet as the last word crumbled into a shallow breath, not even finishing his sentence.
Immediately, he exhaled when he felt him release his grip against his shoulder, when he pulled back so that he wasn't pressing against him entirely. He heard him let out a deep exhale as he faced him, back enough so that the tension died down.
Seongje hummed underneath his breath, a questioning tone, as he shifted his gaze around their surroundings.
" what day is it? wednesday? " he muttered to himself as he turned his head to the side, standing beside Sieun.
He stated in awe before Seongje finally turned back to face him, inches away from his side.
" friday, after your cram school or whatever, you come to my place ok? " he said beside him, sternly as his voice remained low.
" i'll get some good takeout or some shit for us, make it worth it, " he added, a faint smile lined across his face as he stood beside Sieun.
Sieun, with his mind starting to cloud over, just nodded slightly as he held his gaze below him.
Almost at random, though, he heard the sound piece through the few seconds of silence that followed---the faint noise of a phone vibrating, ringing loudly beneath them. He heard Seongje exhale loudly beside him as he slipped the phone of out his pocket, clicking at the screen before bringing it toward his ear.
He stared in awe as he, beside him, kept his gaze locked against the distance talking at a low tone.
" what, " he said blankly to whoever the person on the other side of the phone was, voice low.
A few seconds at least, of silence passed, nothing but the sound of engines humming in the distance, air flowing passed their sides.
" now? " he suddenly added with a questioning tone, furrowing his brows as he held the phone against his ear.
Judging by the silence that followed, he must've hung up the call, as Sieun caught him brush his finger against the dimly lit screen and shove it back into his pocket. He heard him muttering something underneath his breath, but it was nowhere near hearable.
His gaze hit his as he turned back to face him, Sieun watching in awe as Seongje eyed him for a few seconds at most.
" i'll see you on friday, hm? " he said beside him, now brushing passed his side as he stepped behind him.
" and make sure to turn your phone off fucking silent or whatever, i'll be texting you, " he added, saying the words over his shoulder as he brushed passed Sieun's side and began walking across the street on his left.
Sieun watched in awe as he walked away, stepping across the cracked asphalt of the road that parted them. And after standing still for so long, after remaining practically frozen against the middle of the sidewalk, he exhaled as he began stepping forward.
Only a few steps at most, was what he managed to take before he heard it. Heard him in the distance that stretched behind him, heard footsteps growing closer.
" wait-- " he heard him yell out behind him, loud enough to immediately make him turn behind to face him.
Only a few feet apart, he stood against the concrete sidewalk as Seongje managed to catch up to him, slightly heavy breathes escaping his lips. And he just stood there,
Gaze fluttering around the sidewalk below them as his chest rose back and forth, seeming as if he were thinking---trying to figure out, what, to say.
And when he did say it, when he did say the words, Sieun paused as he stood still. Their eyes met.
" earlier, you know i didn't mean any of that shit right, " he said suddenly, eyes locked on one another as Sieun furrowed his brows at him.
Buy once he heard this words, the confused expression that washed over his face faded. When it came rushing back against his mind, so hard, that he felt his breath get caught in his throat.
All the things he said, all the things he told, him? The things he said he'd do, without any hesitation whatsoever. The things he'd called him, the words he threw at him countless times.
But in response, all he did was nod after a few tense seconds, expression blank as he looked over at him. He heard Seongje exhale audibly underneath his breath as their eyes met eachother's for a few seconds, nothing but them standing still exchanging looks. But after long enough, he shifted his gaze as he watched Seongje nod slightly and turn back to face that distance that stretched behind them, walking across the same street he took off against only minutes ago.
Exhaling as his eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds, he turned back to face ahead of him as he began stepping forward, climbing the sidewalk toward the crosswalk that led to the entrance.
And just like that, they parted ways.
Sieun walking mindlessly along the concrete pavement, passing by towering buildings as he made his was for the stairway that faded into the ground,
Seongje disspearing behind him as he walked down a narrow sidestreet.
☆
| 11 : 02 P M
He was now lying flat against his bed, exhaling shallowly as he tensed his eyes closed.
But any slight attempt to even ease the feeling, to stop his mind from continueslty spinning over and over, failed, as he laid there, head sinking into the plush pillow beneath him.
He knew he needed to go to sleep, too. He wanted to, wanted to drift away towards darkness and let it consume him, let his spiralling thoughts drown out. But it felt impossible, felt unbearable, as he shifted against the soft mattress below him.
It wasn't exactly his fault for his mind betraying him, though.
The entire day, everything that had happened---it was all breezing passed his mind, attacking his thoughts hundreds of times. But the eyes that were previously tensed shut as if it could help gradually fluttered open, as his breath stilled.
The moment when he uncontrollably, thought of him, when he began invading his thoughts all over again. But worse, it wasn't just him as an individual. It wasn't just him, wasn't just his character, his actions.
But it was more abstract, more vivid,
The feelings, the things he's made him, feel. Only yesterday, only last night, did the faint memory of them against the cement floor of the rooftop pass by his mind, flood it entirely. The things they did, what he did without hesitation, what he felt. What he felt when his tongue drove deeper into his mouth, when he was shoved back against the wall, being pushed harshly against it ; what he felt when he, after what felt like an eternity of torture, finally shifted, finally moved, slowly shoved his lower body forward as he kept a pace, each movement crashing against his body as it hit him, hard. The feeling that exploded throughout his entire body when he finally, after feeling as if he were on the verge of collapsing due to hypothermia, released the tension inside of him that was boiling over by the seconds.
He was closing his eyes shut, breathing shallowly when he barely registered that he, had shifted,
That he, totally oblivious, brought his hand down towards his lower body. His fingers rested against the waistband as he stilled, trying to comprehend the feeling that was attacking his body, that was urging him to do, this. Frustration, confusion---all of it attacked his mind as he laid against the bed, tensing his eyes shut.
But only after a few seconds did they gradually reopen, as he titled his head against the pillow beneath him to face his right. The phone lying face down against the wooden side table, barely illuminated---that, was what he focused on.
And after resting his hand against his lower body for what felt longer than it should've, he slipped it back towards his upper body as he shifted against the mattress, reaching out as he grabbed the phone lying just beside him
It wasn't even a question what he was about to do, why he, all of a sudden, brought his phone over towards him.
Holding it as he wrapped his fingers around the sides, he brushed his finger against the screen as the dimly lit screen illuminated. He didn't even take a second to check the three distinct numbers lined across the screen before already navigating to his contacts. He knew it was late.
And in the matter of seconds, his finger was still, a thin line of air dividing the space between it and the dim phone screen as he held his finger over the call icon of the contact. He stared blankly at the screen, exhaling shallowly as he held his finger still.
Why was he doing this? Why was he, suddenly, seconds away from calling, him---from calling him without a second thought.
But despite the strong hesitation that attacked his entire body, he did it.
He clicked his finger against the dim screen as it navigated to the call screen, the phone now ringing quietly. Exhaling inaudibly, he slowly brought the phone up toward his ear, tensing his fingers against the side of the phone.
Seconds passed, ten at most, as the phone remained ringing. Remained ringing quietly into his ear, practically driving him insane as he laid there, waiting---trying to make sense of why he was doing this. But it was late, so it wasn't even a question whether or not he was asleep. And even if he did answer, what would he say? He had no idea, had no clue what words to say if he were, to answer the phone any second.
So as he exhaled frustratedly, he slowly brang the phone back toward his face as he shifted his finger above the red phone icon, about to press his finger down against the screen.
Until after what felt like forever,
The phone stopped ringing, as he must've picked up. It seemed unreal, too, seemed too sudden to even seem anywhere near real.
His eyes widened by the slightest, breath stilling as he brought the phone back towards him and rested it just beside his ear. And almost immediately he heard, him.
Heard him hum underneath his breath, heard the way he sounded, the questioning tone that lined his voice. Heard the heavy, yet shallow breathes that must've been coming out of him, that were picking up clearly through the phone that was positioned just beside his ear.
But judging by the fact that he didn't say anything, by the fact that he didn't say a word, he must've been asleep. And as Sieun laid there, tensing his fingers against the phone as his heavy breathes attacked his mind, a few words managed to come out of him.
" were you sleeping? " he asked blankly, voice barely a whisper as the words came out low.
He didn't even know why he asked, that. Asked something so obvious, something that just sounded stupid, now that he'd thought of it. He just needed something to say, something to atleast lessen the situation.
But the next words, the next four words that picked up immediately made his breath get caught in his throat---the way they came out of him, the way they sounded, how he, sounded.
" it's fine, what's up, " he said in between a faint groan, his voice raspy and hoarse as the words faded into nothing but a heavy exhale.
When he heard those words, when he heard his voice?
It was enough to make him still, to make his mind go completely blank, to make his entire body grow hot in the matter of seconds.
He just laid there, shallow breathes escaping his lips as he opened his mouth, having no idea what to say. He didn't know what to say, didn't have a clue---didn't know what he was doing. He wanted to say something badly, so bad that it hurt, but it was like he couldn't, like his body was stopping him from doing so.
And the breathes that were repetitively picking up through the phone? The ragged, deep breathes that were continuesly playing directly into his ear, driving him insane by the second.
Other than that, it went silent, probably for ten seconds atleast, nothing but Sieun tensing as he laid against the mattress.
But that was until it heard it, heard him, again. Heard him clearly, so clear that it was unbearable, that his body reacted in the matter of seconds.
The way the word slipped passed his lips, the way it rolled off of his tongue---the way that, he, said his name. It made his stomach sink, made his heart skip a beat as he breathed shallowly.
" sieun? " he muttered after a few seconds of tense silence, his voice barely even a ragged breath.
Just that, that one word, that name, his name.
His mouth that remained open as if a word was about to escape him any second, closed, shut down tight as he swallowed. But at this point, he couldn't even take it anymore. It was too much, felt like too much as the feeling only grew stronger inside of his body.
So with one last shallow exhale, he brought his phone back to face him as he brushed his finger against the dim screen, and ended the call.
He tensed his eyes shut as he placed the phone down against the mattress somewhere beside him, not even caring whether or not it'd get lost between the bedsheets. But calling him, hearing his voice like it was the only thing that could possibly help?
It did the exact opposite, only made it worse.
Only made it impossible to think, impossible for him to actually relax, to clear his mind of any thoughts.
Minutes passed, maybe even an hour, before he felt himself gradually drifting towards sleep,
His thoughts starting to fade away as the only thing left behind,
The only thing lingering in his head, barely,
Was him
| 11 : 40 P M
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Notes:
Wow OK so this is definitely the longest chapter yet which literally took atleast a week straight to write?? kinda crazy 3 (pasted it 4 times)
BUUT I think it came out like really good, i definitely spent hours on end working on it and i tried to the BEST of my ability to add as much detail as possible!! want to give you guys the best of the best ofcc
soo i wanna know what you guys think!! fun fact this chapter was originally just supposed to be them getting arrested, like the fight wasn't even supposed to happen it kinda just slipped in there 🤷♀️ BUT lmk you guys!!
and for the next chapter it's definitely confirmed like ive already started framing it soo now we gotta wait another week bc it takes me so long to write with balancing school 33
BUT PLEASEE let me know what you guys think!! what you think of the plot so far, the story, their dynamic, etcc!!
feedback is always appreciated
🫶🫶
Chapter Text
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| Friday - 1 : 25 P M
Pathetic
Worthless
Animal
Those words repeated through his mind as he sat against the smooth plastic chair beneath him,
Staring down at the sentences lined across his paper as students around him continued hurriedly brushing their pens against the lined paper as if their life depended on it.
He knew he should've been refining his answer, enhancing it to the best of his ability. He knew he should've been focusing on doing that, on reading the neat sentences and adding any improvements to it. But he couldn't, couldn't stop staring mindlessly down at the silk lined paper as his pen rested still between his fingers.
It just kept crashing against his head the more he sat there. Every second that passed, every minute? Those words would somehow make their way back into his head, flooding it entirely.
But it wasn't just the words, wasn't just the mere word itself---it was more vivid. The tone that came along with them, the way that, he, had said those words. How he, looked him dead in the eye and without any hesitation, said them, said them straight to his face. Yelled them at him, shouted them directly inches away from him without a second thought.
And at this point, he was tensing his grip around the pen that lied between his fingers like it could help. He didn't even know why he was even thinking about this, too, why his mind kept betraying him and attacking his thoughts with those three words. Usually, he wouldn't even let something like that have an impact on him, would just let it breeze passed him and shove it into the back of his mind.
But this?
Just those three words, the tone, the voice that repeated through his mind so much, that it hurt. Maybe it was because of who said it. Maybe it was because it wasn't just a random classmate, someone who had a grudge for him, who said it. He knew clearly, who said those words directly to his face, who yelled them at him as the heat of each one of them attacked his body. But then something else managed to make it's way into his mind, to barely flush out the three words that were continuesly haunting him,
The last thing he told him before he dissapeared into the barely lit street behind him.
The blurry moment of him, suddenly hearing him call out something from the distance that stretched behind him. The moment when he stopped against the dark sidewalk and pivoted his head to face, him ; when he, seeming as if he'd just ran for miles, stood there, chest rising back and forth ; when their eyes locked, and the words slipped out of his mouth.
When he, looked up to face him and said those words, when he told him that he, didn't mean it. Didn't mean any of it.
But knowing him?
Knowing that it was, him, who said those words to his face, who tried any attempt to reassure him. The chances of something like that being, true? This person who has, atleast, lied to his face countless times,
That blurry memory of him being shoved back against the brick wall of the barely lit alley, atleast, a week ago ; of him being held down, having his wrists harshly pinned down against the cement wall as he looked at him, dumbfounded ; of him standing there, frozen, when he heard the words slip out of his mouth directly infront of him, his face only inches away. When he tried any slight attempt to convince him that it wasn't the drug that made him, do that. That it wasn't the drink that he, unknowingly, drunk without a second thought, that he was forced to drink as he, made him swallow every last drop. How he, told him that it was something else that made him do it, that made him to it that night---that made him kneel above him, made him lower his hand onto, him ; that made him run his fingers through his soft hair, made him grip the strands tightly as if it were the only thing keeping him from collapsing from the feeling.
The things he told him that night, the words that he said directly to his face as they stood inches away in the dimly lit alley. That, must've been a lie, had to---atleast to him, it was.
And the day following that?
The day when he suddenly appeared on his doorstep looking as if he could pass out from alcohol poisoning any minute, as he brushed passed his side and collapsed onto his bed. That night when he, sat beside him, directly beside him---so close, that he couldn't even take a second to focus, to concentrate. And the things he said directly beside him? Directly beside his face, the words that came out of his mouth---how he, told him that he was doing things in his sleep, saying things in his sleep. How he said it so casually like it was normal, when he told him, that he was saying his name. But was he? Those words, that claim---it must've been a lie.
With that, his mind was flooded with the three words, again, the words that made him still whenever they slipped passed his mind. But that's when his mind betrayed him for the hundredth time, hitting hard against his chest.
Did he, mean it? Did he mean any of it, any of those words, any of the words that he yelled at his face. Did he, mean it when he said it so suddenly, said it loudly that it immediately made Sieun snap back to reality---when the words were said inches away from his face, when he told him, that he'd do it. That he'd send something like, that, to him? To Juntae, send that video he took that night, without any hesitation whatsoever.
Was it genuine, would he of actually did something like, that? And just the thought alone, of what could've happened if he did. The impact it would have? The things it would reveal, the indescribable things that he, did? That Sieun did---not him, but the person that night, the intoxicated person who begged countless times without a second thought.
His mind was spiralling, nowhere near stable, near blank, as he stared down at the lined paper lying against the wooden desk beneath him. Though, he managed to push his thoughts away when he suddenly caught the teacher brush passed his side, reach out his hand below him, and grab the paper that sat against the desk, proceeding to do the same with the rest of the students along the rows that stretched infront of him.
And as he remained sat in the classrooms that followed, as he remained leaning against his wooden desk as he brushed his pen against the paper below him, pivoting his head up to face the whiteboard in the distance,
He tried anything, tried all of it, to flush him out of his thoughts. To actually focus on things that were necessary, to focus and give his full attention to his lectures, his teachers.
Frustration, confusion, anger? He couldn't even describe the feeling that was attacking his body as he remained against his desk,
Expression blank as time seemed to slow down as each minute passed, each second.
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| 6 : 29 P M
Overly loud conversations, people clamoring with one another continuesly, made the room around him nowhere near quiet.
He was sitting against the plastic chair beneath him as he began mindlessly packing away the items sat against his wooden desk. His pencils, pens, notebook---they all were slipped into his backpack as he brought all of them down beside him and placed them inside.
Six minutes. Six minutes and the final bell would ring.
But that's what made him tense just at the thought. That feeling, that strong feeling of doubt, of anxiousness you get when your seconds away from doing something serious---stepping up onto a barely lit stage, speaking out infront of a crowd of thousands. That feeling was attacking him, all over, as he sat against the chair.
And it wasn't even a question where it was coming from, either.
Two days had passed since he'd last seen him, that blurry moment when they parted ways across the dimly lit street, towering buildings hanging over them. Nothing other than occasional texts, random messages were what he got over those two days.
Things like,
| you owe me a new pair of glasses btw
| wanna know what i did in the shower this morning
| class is shit wish i could be with you
Appeared in his notifications almost at random, all scattered throughout the days that passed.
But now? Only minutes from now, he knew that as soon as that bell blared through the room, as soon as it pierced through the overly loud conversations that surrounded him,
He would be heading to, him. Climbing up sidewalks to him, passing by dimly lit buildings, to his, appartment.
And he didn't know what to think about it, didn't know how to feel. Should he be glad that he was finally going to see him after two days straight, which, for some reason, felt longer than it should've. Should he be thankful, happy, pleased, to finally have the opportunity to see, him?
It didn't feel like it.
He didn't feel any of that, any of those emotions, those feelings. And it made sense why. Made clear sense to why he was doubting it, why he was only viewing the situation as something, negative.
And after sitting there still, practically frozen against his desk as students continued exclaiming all around him, he managed to come back to his senses when he heard it. Heard the loud, piercing bell blare throughout the entire room as students immediately scraped their chairs against the floor and made their way for the doors across the room.
He exhaled shallowly as he stood up, lowering his hand to hook his fingers around the strap of his backpack as he brought it up toward his shoulder and slid it onto his sides. And without a thought, he began stepping forward, following the rest of the students who were overly eager to get home after hours of countless work.
Sieun felt the same. Felt burnt out from everything, all the new lessons he's had to catch up with. Between those two days, he'd spent atleast six hours on end to study, to familiarize himself with the topics he'd missed. Seven PM to one AM, around that time frame, was what he'd be doing every night.
So now, he just felt exhausted, worn out, as he walked along the tiled corridor of the cram school, turning the corner as he followed the students through the tall doorway that led out to the main entrance. He passed through it as he now walked down the shallow concrete stairs that lined the entrance of the school, keeping his gaze fixed below him, expression blank.
But only after he managed to reach the sidewalk as he hit the last step, did his breath hitch.
When he felt his phone vibrate, when he felt the notification that hummed inside of his backpack pocket as soon as he hit the concrete pavement. And the way his body reacted? The way it immediately made his eyes widen by the slightest, his stomach drop in the matter of seconds. He hated it---hated how he, could always leave him like, this.
He didn't reach for his phone when he felt it.
He didn't know why, too. Didn't have any idea to why he felt the need to find somewhere, quiet? Somewhere safe, shielded, to even check his phone, somewhere that didn't have nosy students passing by him left and right, at least. It made no sense, and that's what always left him confused, frustrated.
So as he turned the corner of the entrance, he began climbing up the concrete sidewalk that lined the main street on his left, tall buildings on his right. After a few steps, at least, did he finally pause against the concrete pavement below him, standing to his right inches away from a building beside him.
He lowered his hand as he slipped it into his back pocket, pulling out his phone. The notification that was lined across the lockscreen was clear, the only thing there across the dimly lit screen as he stared down at it. Brushing his finger against the screen, he opened it as he pressed his finger down against the notification, clicking it.
It navigated to his contacts as he looked down at the dim screen, as the words were lined directly across it,
| i'm waiting 4 you - 6 : 37 P M
When his eyes caught the words that were lined across the dimly lit screen, he, reacted in seconds.
His body reacted in seconds, making it seem as if he'd just saw something worth making his heart skip a beat, worth making him tense, all over. But it was just a text? Nothing more than four mere words lined across the screen. But he was reacting like, this, to just those four words.
In a way, the words themselves weren't exactly the most normal thing to see as soon as you open your messages. Intimidating, almost, is what it could be classified as. Atleast to Sieun, it could.
And the way his body was flooding him to the brim with this feeling? It was almost like he felt, scared? Frustrated, confused. Dumbfounded, to why he was reacting like this, reacting so strongly to something so small. So as he stared down at the four words lined across the screen for nothing for a few seconds at most, he finally shifted his gaze off it as he brushed his finger against the side and turned it off. He lowered it back into his pocket as he slipped his hand behind him.
But at this point, he didn't even know what to do.
His mind was spiralling with thoughts, turning countless times over and over as he stood still against the sidewalk. Should he really be going to see someone like, him? To see the same person who yelled at him, who shoved at him, who swung directly at him? He didn't really have a choice, though. There wasn't a question whether or not he, should be walking towards his appartment right now.
But was he? Was he walking up the sidewalk, passing by streets as he inched closer towards, him?
He wasn't, and not knowing why only made him tense. He was just standing still against the pavement beneath him as he drowned mindlessly in his thoughts.
Only after a few seconds of remaining completely still against the concrete, did he finally shift. He had no idea where he was going, too, as he began walking up the sidewalk that lined the main street on his left, staring down at the dimly lit concrete as the sky grew more grey, darker by the seconds. All he knew, was that he needed to find somewhere quiet, somewhere that made it so he wouldn't get continuesly attacked by spiralling thoughts every second. And he knew that doing something like that, would be impossible to do if he was beside, him. If he was at his appartment, if he was inches away from him. It would only make it worse.
So, without a thought, he was now walking up the pavement that lined tall, busy buildings on his right as occasional cars passed by him on his left.
The area around him only seemed to grow darker, too, despite it only being less than half till seven. The grey clouds that surrounded the sky above him looked that they could burst into tears any second, pouring down countless amounts of water as it flowed endlessly down the asphalt streets. Tensing his fingers around the fabric strap across his shoulder, he continued walking without a thought.
Walking along the wide streets, the streetlights now flickering on as time flew by, dimly illuminating the area that surrounded him.
And he didn't even know how much time had passed as he was now sat against a crooked plastic chair.
- - -
Five minutes, maybe even ten, had to of passed.
Nothing but continuous walking, taking steps forward as if it were the only thing that could help. As if it could have an impact. Nothing but him fixing his gaze below him as he stared at the faint cracks that lined the concrete pavement, listening to the ambience around him---cars humming, people having conversations in the distance, the faint sound of food sizzling through windows. The smell of smoke, that crisp barbecue smell that lingers in the air.
And now?
Outside a small local convience store underneath a slanted roof, sitting down against a chair with a small table infront of him and another empty chair ahead---that, was where he was. In a small outside area barely being illuminated by the bright lights that lined the ceiling of the convience store beside him, shining through the clear windows.
Only after a few seconds of sitting there in silence, his backpack rested across the leg of the small table, did he feel his phone hum. Vibrating constantly, the faint hums of it coming from directly beside him, behind him.
Exhaling shallowly, he lowered his hand that rested beside him as he slipped it into his pocket and grabbed it. He pulled it out and held it beneath his grasp below his face.
The screen was on, dimly lit. It kept vibrating restlessly as he held it inbetween his fingers, staring down at the screen. Staring down at the contact that was calling, him. Focusing on the two small icons that were urging for an answer, side by side as he held his fingers still. It was so direct, too---all he had to do was choose, decide which button he would end up pressing. But his fingers remained frozen, holding the phone still as it continued ringing.
It was unbearable. Any second, he was hoping it would stop, that it would stop pulling him in, forcing him to make a choice, a decision. And after what felt like being held under pressure for eternity, it finally stopped.
The phone stopped restlessly humming, stopped continuesly vibrating between his fingers. The screen went back to normal, back to his home screen, the three numbers lined across it clearly.
But it only lasted a second,
Maybe even less, as the screen was immediately washed away in seconds. The contact, the two icons that drove him insane---they came back in seconds, haunting him as he stared down at the dim screen beneath him.
Making a decision, choosing between the two faint buttons?
He couldn't, as his grip remained tight around the phone. If he answered, what would he say? What would he tell, him, after practically avoiding him, dissapearing without a trace. But worse, was what, he, would say. What would he say through the phone, what words would leave his mouth? Hearing his voice would only make it worse. And if he didn't answer, if he hung up? That wouldn't even help, it would do the exact opposite. It would probably drive, him, insane, make him question why he'd do that, why he was just suddenly avoiding each one of his calls.
So after looking down at the dimly lit screen that was making him tense as each second passed, he shifted. He brought one of his fingers toward the screen as he brushed it against it, pulling down the menu. Without any hesitation whatsoever, he pressed his finger down against the icon as he put it on silent.
Any movements coming from the restless phone, any noises,
It went completely silent in the matter of seconds. But the screen was still there, the contact lined across the screen was still, there. With one shift, he brushed his finger against the side as he turned it off, placing the phone down against the table infront of him, face down.
Leaning back against the thin backrest of the plastic chair, he closed his eyes for a few seconds at most, exhaling underneath his breath. The cars that breezed passed him, the dimly lit area around him, the faint noise of people chatting inside the convience store directly beside him---it made the situation seem not as bad as it would've. And surprisingly, as he sat there, the feeling that was boiling inside of him only minutes ago finally managed to die down, to slowly fade away.
As his eyes reopened, he faced the area ahead of him, the view infront of him. He didn't know why, couldn't understand why, but for some reason the area around him felt,
Familiar?
Looked almost similar, like he's been here before, sat directly against this same seat, before. The buildings around him, the small windowed outdoor area that had seats and tables scattered around the entrance of the convience store. It felt familiar, seemed like it, at least.
But as much as he tried to pinpoint anything that could help him figure out why he was feeling this way, he couldn't. Couldn't find anything among his thousands of thoughts, among the countless blurry memories that could correlate to, this,
Only until he faced ahead of him,
Only until he pivoted back to face straight as his eyes locked on the empty chair resting against the pavement floor beneath him ; until his gaze met the view directly infront of him, inches away from him.
It hit him, hit him hard as it all came crashing against his mind. And it made sense why it felt so familiar, why he, felt so tied to this place.
He couldn't even remember how long ago it was. It felt like weeks, months, something that you'd just forget about in the span of days. But despite how faint the memory seemed, he recalled it clearly,
How he, sat in this exact spot that one night. How he sat in this exact same chair underneath the small roof above him, sitting still, expression blank, across from, him. The faint memory of him asking for, his, help, asking him to make an effort to take down the union as he sat directly across from him, eating the noodles beneath him as if he didn't have a care in the world, bringing the chopsticks up toward his mouth as he faced, him.
It must've been weeks, maybe even longer, from something like that. And that was probably only one of the first times he'd seen him, seen him look somewhat normal, atleast. It was way before, days before he had gotten the message from him, before he'd climbed down the steps that led into the empty bowling alley. He barely even knew him at that time, too. The only times they'd actually seen eachother were periodic, scattered,
Him, appearing out of nowhere, crouched down against the tiled floor of the museum bathroom as he finally turned to face him ; him, storming over towards him against the pavement floor of the rooftop, throwing punches without a second thought ; him, suddenly appearing infront of him as he sat against the bench of the dimly lit hospital.
It was nothing but him seeming to come out of nowhere, to somehow seep back into his life only to make him tense whenever he saw his face.
And weeks later? He managed to sit, here. To sit against the same exact chair, the same exact place, without even knowing. But as he faced the empty chair infront of him, eyes locked on the view ahead of him, his mind only grew more heavy by the second.
During those days, those days that he'd just seemingly appear out of nowhere? He was nothing more than someone he had a grudge for, nothing other than a person who seemed as if their only mission was to break him.
But that changed,
It completely shattered into pieces, cutting through his chest, after that night he walked into the dimly lit bowling alley. The things he said, the things that they, did. The things he remembered through his barely conscious mind, during that night.
After that day, that night? Everything changed in the matter of minutes, of seconds, as soon as he hit the wooden floor beneath him. As soon as he stepped into that place, it all shifted, everything shattered into a million pieces.
It was like he was face to face with a ghost as he sat there, staring blankly over at the empty chair that stood against the tattered sidewalk. His mind kept flashing faint memories through his head, everything that he could possibly remember, possibly recall, surrounding him. His breathes managed to grow shallower when something else slipped passed his occupied mind, something less intense.
All the times that he, had done something along the lines of---normal. All the things that Seongje had did to him, did for him, that weren't seemingly anywhere near abnormal. The small things, barely even noticeable at some points, but enough for Sieun to remember clearly,
Him seeming as if he had turned into an entire different person when he, asked him how he was feeling, as if he cared about him. Him opening up to him that one morning, rain pouring restlessly against the windows that surrounded them as he, told him something personal, something that wouldn't just casually slip out like, that. Him tearing off his jacket that one night as the freezing wind attacked his body all over, giving it to him, holding up his arms as he slid it onto him, the warmth of it making his breath still. Two days ago, just two days ago and he was standing behind him, directly behind him as he brought the sleeves of his blazer up towards his shoulders, carefully doing up the buttons, carefully placing the fabric straps over his arms.
And everything else? Everything else that surrounded, him? Everything about him,
His eyes, the way they glared through him only two days ago, the way they locked with his and said it clearly, that one night. His glasses, the way they reflected the light of the faint orange tinted flame that one night, the way that he, looked at him as he held the flame near the cigarette resting against his lips.
His body betrayed him again in seconds, when he thought about it deeper, about it more vividly.
Everything else. His voice, his body. His touch? The words that he, said directly face to face with him, the things that he said directly against him, against his face, his skin, his neck, all over. The lips that always seemed to leave him breathless, that always pushed their way towards his, suffocating him entirely ; the lips that he's felt over his entire body, everywhere, grazing against the skin along his neck, his chest, his face, trailing towards his lower body. The body, his body, that he's seen atleast four times, everything that lied beneath the clothes, beneath his carmine uniform. The touch, his touch that has always seemed to make him still at the feeling, the hand that has felt him countless times, that has slid across his skin, gripped his waist, brushed passed his chest, all over.
But worse. Worse than any of that, worse than any of those, was the feeling. All of it, everything that he, has made him feel. What he's felt in the span of nothing more than a few days, maybe a week. How his body betrayed him and allowed him, to do something like that.
That night?
The first night he appeared on his doorstep, reeking of alcohol as he slumped down onto his bed? The moment, the blurry moment of him, in the matter of minutes, leaning above him, inches away from him. In minutes, they went from sitting side by side, directly beside him, to that. To him, leaning close above him, so close that he felt the warmth of him, that he felt his chest brushing up against his. And when he did feel it? When it made his eyes shoot open, when it made him fight the urge to pull back because of how sudden it felt? That was only seconds as he felt it, seeming as if he were being strained, torn from his lower body. But only after he felt him, shift. Only after he felt him drag his lower body back and forth, each subtle movement hitting him hard, crashing against his entire body as the feeling exploded inside of him.
What he felt that night, what he felt because of, him? What he made him feel, how he made his body betray him the second he stepped through the doorway, the second he scraped the wooden chair against the floor and slumped down onto it directly beside, him.
He didn't even realize it when he felt him tensing his fingers around the edge of the porcelain table, gaze fixated below him. He couldn't realize it, couldn't take a second to notice anything as his mind was only growing worse, spiralling by the seconds. He couldn't even describe the feeling, too, the feeling that was crashing against his chest, flooding him entirely. Confusion, frustration. Annoyance, at how stupid he was acting. How he, how his mind was making the situation much more dramatic than it should've been, how he was amplifying it the more he thought about it.
But there was something else.
Something barely even noticeable, that attacked his body as he sat beneath the small convience store. It was tied to your wants, your needs. The things that you desire, the things that you wish you could have especially, during hard times, during times where you felt the lowest, like you could fade away any second.
People, in particular, were at the center of something like that. People that you felt the need to immediately rush towards, to pull closer, to help die down the feeling. His parents, his mother. His friends, Juntae, Baku, Gotak, Suho. They were options, could've been options. A counselor from his school, one of his homeroom teachers, the one with the warm smile who always greets him when he walks through the doorway. That, could've been an option. Anyone else? A random person who could be sitting across from him, someone who was walking beside the road that separated them. They, could've been an option.
But we're they?
They weren't, weren't even close to slipping passed his mind as he finally shifted his gaze off the concrete floor beneath him. It was almost an instinct, an impulse, as he reached out to grab the silent phone that lied face down against the table inches away from him. He lowered it down as he slipped it into his pocket, and seconds later, he stood up.
Stood up after sitting there for minutes on end, staying frozen against the chair as if it could help.
Something along the lines of twenty minutes, thirty, had to of passed. Nothing but him facing a ghost, sitting in silence as his thoughts were the only thing making the area around him seem, loud.
He reached down for the strap of his backpack as he pulled it onto his shoulder, doing the same with the other. And without a thought, without even thinking when he did it, he began walking. Began walking after staying still for what felt like an eternity, nothing but him being tortured by his thoughts that always seemed to invade his head. Passing through the doorway of the outdoor area, he was now walking against the pavement, climbing up the sidewalk with his mind fixed on one thing.
One thing, one place, one area.
One person, was the only thing lingering in his mind as he walked down the sidewalks.
At this point, it must've been late. The sky that was only dark blue minutes ago, was now pitch black, faint dark hues toward the horizon. Dim streetlights, ceiling lights casting a glow onto the sidewalk beneath him from the buildings directly beside him. That was all he got, all he got to illuminate his surroundings as he climbed up the sidewalk, walking along the quiet, yet busy road.
He had a vague memory of the route, the left turns, right turns he needed to take. But despite how faint the memory was, it came through clear. Came through clear as if this, seemed almost similar, like he'd done this before. He has. He did, only a week ago. Only a week ago did he see the message lined across his screen, and hesitation aside, began walking towards, it. Walking towards the same place he was now inching toward, now, weeks later.
Three minutes, maybe five had passed.
Had to of passed as he inched closer toward the one thing his mind was set on, walking along the dimly lit sidewalks as the area around him looked, empty.
And when he saw it, when he saw the tall rows of towering buildings lined in the distance. When he saw the large appartment complex, the neat, well-mannered complex that looked too good to be true, smelled too good to seem real---his breath hitched. But depsite it, he kept walking, his gaze now facing the row of stairs, the faint stairwell in the distance that stretched ahead of him.
A few more steps against the tattered sidewalk and he hit it. He brushed passed the neat entrance, crossed the road that led into the organized parking lot, and fixated his gaze below him as he stepped forward. Each step he climbed, each one he crossed, it felt---could he even describe it. Unbearable, being seconds away from something like, this.
One last step against the delicate concrete stairway and he reached the top, stepping forward onto the pavement landing. The cool night breeze, the crisp smell of the air, atleast helped lessen the feeling. He didn't even need to eye the unit numbers on his left as he walked down the corridor, the balcony facing the dark surroundings on his right. He knew where it was, exactly where it was, so clear, that it felt too fake. That everything about this, felt fake, felt unreal.
And after nothing but walking forward along the corridor, he hit it.
He was face to face with it, with the door only inches infront of him. He was breathing shallowly, focused on the cream colored door as he stood there, still. His hands were frozen resting by his sides, lowered against the fabric of his clothes as he stood there.
It was so simple, too, so direct.
All he needed to do was raise his arm, bring his hand towards the door and do it. But it felt so much harder, more complex, difficult, than something that seemed as simple as, that.
But despite all the thoughts that attacked his mind, that lingered through his head as he stared at the door that was torturing him, he did it. Did it as he brought his hand up towards the smooth wood and did it. Two knocks, maybe three, was what managed to come out as his hand hit the soft wood inches away from him.
Lowering his hand down, he stood there. Stood directly infront of the door as he waited. But waiting for something like, this? Waiting for something like that, in this situation? He couldn't even stand it, it felt unbearable, like he'd break any second.
Almost as if the clouds had sensed it, it started raining. Not hard, not that restless rain that leaves you drenched in seconds. But soft, the kind of faint rain that makes you want to tilt your head upwards to face it, to let it fall down onto your face. The sound of soft pattering against the edge of the balcony came through clear as he stood there, breathes growing more heavy by the seconds,
By the seconds that seemed to grow into minutes, that seemed to slow down as time passed.
He stepped closer, one step, enough so that the door and him were only inches away. And did he hear anything? Did he hear any slight sound of noise when he leaned in close toward the door? Anything---shuffling against the floor, faint footsteps, a lock clicking. He didn't, just complete silence. Nothing but the rain pouring down behind him, growing more restless as the seconds passed.
That, was when his mind betrayed him again.
Thoughts began rushing through his head, making him tense as he stood still. It had to of been something along the lines of thirty minutes, a full hour, since he was supposed to be, here. Since he was supposed to be standing against his doorstep. It wasn't even a question whether or not, he, would be mad. Whether or not he'd be, whether or not he was, furious. So it would make sense if he wasn't answering the door, if he was ignoring him. But would he, do something like that? Would he do something as cruel, as intolerable as that, to him? He had no idea as he stood there, waiting.
He, could be anywhere, too, could be doing anything.
Maybe he left, maybe he stormed out somewhere and went looking for, him. Knowing him, he wouldn't be surprised if he was slouched against some bar stool holding a glass inbetween his fingers. Maybe he, was brushing passed buildings, walking down sidewalks. Anywhere, was where he could be. But worse, he could be inside the appartment, behind the door that separated them. Maybe he was inside, on the other side passed out against his bed, or worse, fully conscious but choosing not, to answer. But would he do that?
The rain grew louder, too, hitting the edge concrete balcony hard. And he just stood there, still. Frozen, as he closed his eyes tightly, being attacked with this feeling.
A feeling that he's never, felt before, something that made him want to collapse onto the floor and let it go, let it leave him. The hand that was previously lowered by his side, brushing up against the fabric of his blazer, now seemed to make it's way back onto the door that taunted him, his fingers tensing against the smooth wood.
His head that was previously, seconds ago, facing straight, watching the door as if it could help? It was now tilted downwards, his forehead barely brushing up against the wood as he breathed raggedly, tensing his eyes shut,
As if his heart could get torn into pieces any second,
Be shredded into a thousand pieces, stabbing him directly through his chest as he stood there, breathing shakily as he closed his eyes.
But the door didn't move. It didn't speak, it didn't say anything. The sound of a lock clicking, of a faint creak as it swung wide open.
It just remained still, completely silent, haunting him.
- - -
At this point, the rain was nowhere near soft, near calm.
It was the complete opposite, pouring down countless amounts of water behind him, the sound only growing louder as he stood there. It was the only thing that could barely, be heard through his spiralling thoughts, through his occupied mind.
And with his mind completely occupied, nowhere near stable, near conscious, that must've been why he reacted the way he did when he, felt it.
When he felt it,
When he felt it so suddenly, so abruptly that it immediately pierced through his thoughts, shredded through the remaining things that attacked his mind continuously. When he heard, it. Heard him, heard his voice so suddenly that it made him question whether or not this, was real. It was faint, too, muffled through the loud thoughts that repetitively crashed against his mind.
But despite it, he heard it, heard it clearly.
With his hand still placed against the smooth door like it was the only thing keeping him up straight, his eyes fluttered open as his breathes remained slightly ragged, yet shallow. He didn't even want to move. He didn't want to turn, it felt like he couldn't, like he couldn't move a muscle. But he did, did it despite how hard it felt.
With someones' hand being placed against his shoulder, pushing against his side slightly enough so that he shifted, he turned. He slowly turned his head to the side to see whoever the figure must've been, whoever must've been standing directly beside him---whoever it was who, said his name.
And when he did see him, his eyes widened by the slightest.
When his gaze met, his?
When he turned to face his side, and immediately, he was standing there. Standing inches away from him, beside him, placing his hand against his shoulder as if he were, worried? He just stared, stared at the figure inches away from him. It didn't even seem real, nowhere near real. The way he was looking at him, the way his brows were furrowed, his face unreadable, somewhere, maybe, between the borderline of confused, annoyed, worried.
Their eyes locked for what felt longer than it should've. Sieun was too lost, too occupied to even notice it when he barely, caught something shift beside him. When he barely managed to shift his gaze off him to face the silhouette that must've been beside him.
A woman, maybe a girl, was standing directly beside, him. She looked young, slim and tall, her face smooth with perfect features that made her look as if she could be a model, maybe she was. The long, dark silk hair that lined her sides, flowing seamlessly down her shoulders ; the bright, golden earrings that shined beneath the faint light. But everything else? The clothes, the skirt that seemed long enough to barely, cover her lower body ; the shirt that seemed so tight, too tight, too low, to the point where everything was barely, being exposed. His mind was too occupied to question it, to question who this girl was, why she looked like, that ; to question why she, was standing beside him.
It was silent for a few seconds at most, but over Sieun's thoughts and the loud rain, it was nowhere near silent for him. His gaze managed to shift back towards him, when he saw him shift.
When he saw him suddenly lower his hand into one of his pockets and pull something out. A stack, a small stack of bills, was what he pulled out.
And almost immediately, it came through clear. Came through clear, too clear, when he heard his voice.
" get the fuck out of here, " he said sternly, voice low as he turned to face the tall girl, holding out the money towards her side.
She gave him a look, something that seemed almost shocked, annoyed. But without a question, she grabbed the money from him before letting out a slight scoff, eyeing him with disgust. She said something over her shoulder as she turned around and walked away, but Sieun wasn't even paying attention to understand it.
He couldn't pay attention, couldn't pay attention to anything around him as he faced, him. Eyes fluttering around him, mindlessly,
Catching everything, the black jacket he was wearing, the one with the thick red lines across the sleeves, zipped down enough so that you could barely, see the silver chain hung around his neck. But when his gaze managed to hit his face, his heart skipped a beat. Everything about it, the expression, the confusion that lingered in his face. The faint, black eye that lied beneath the lens of his glasses, dark enough so that it was noticeable. There was no question where it came from, either, who made that mark appear, in the first place.
It was nothing but exchanged looks as they both stood inches away, the girl fading into the distance as soon as she hit the stairwell. He'd almost forgotten that his hand was still resting against his shoulder when he stepped forward, shifting his grip a bit against the fabric. His face, the only thing he was looking at, seemed almost unreadable. Something between concerned, confused, frustrated, must've been flooding through his insides as his gaze shifted around Sieun.
But when his lips did part, when the words began slipping out of his mouth only seconds later, his body reacted in seconds.
" where the fuck where you? i went t-- " he began, leaning close as he narrowed his eyes on him, voice toned with confusion, frustration.
The last word, the last word that even tried to leave him was discarded of, faded into a sudden gasp when he, did it.
When Sieun did it without a thought, almost uncontrollably, an impulse. He could've done anything, too, there were thousands of possibilities, of options. Throwing his arms around him as pulled him close, hugging him tight. Opening his mouth to say something, anything, to get a few words out that could help lessen the situation. Questioning him, confronting him, asking him the question that still, managed to linger in his thoughts over those two distinct days that had passed. Letting him, finish his sentence, listening to what he had to say, in the first place.
But none of it, none of those passed by his blurry mind when he did it.
With his eyes locked on his as he breathed raggedly, shallow breathes escaping his lips, the hand that was placed against the smooth door, the hand that was resting against his side, shifted. He, in seconds, brought both of his hands up towards him as he gripped the nylon fabric of his jacket, digging his fingers into his shoulders as he, dragged him forward.
Dragged him forward without any hesitation, not a second thought breezing passed his mind. And the word? That one word that was about to escape his mouth, his lips? It faded into nothing as soon as he, leaned forward enough and pressed his lips against, his. As soon as Sieun did it, dragged him forward and kissed him, without a thought.
The hand that still rested against his shoulder grew tight as he felt him, tighten his grip, felt him jerk backwards slightly at how sudden it was. Sudden---that was what the entire situation was. Everything about it, everything about, this? It was all sudden, too sudden when he, appeared out of nowhere, suddenly appeared beside him at the most unexpected time possible. Unexpected---that, was what this, was. Everything about what happened in the span of seconds, in the matter of a few seconds as he, unexpectedly, did this.
With his eyes shut tightly, he tensed them closed as he dug his fingers into his jacket, leaning forwards as their mouths clashed. His grip tightened against the fabric as he pressed his lips against his, moving restlessly---desperately, without a thought. And as he did something like, that? As if lasted for nothing more than a few seconds, at most, he remained still. Seongje remained still the entire time, not moving a muscle. His lips remained completely still as he stood there, Sieun doing this, having the audacity to do something like, this.
Only after a few more blurry seconds did he finally pull back to breath, to inhale like his life depended on it. The lips that completely swallowed the word, swallowed any of the breathes that tried to leave him, pulled back as he tilted his head downwards. He breathed, breathed deeply as he exhaled shallowly, holding his grip tight around his jacket, still.
The exhausted feeling that attacked him as soon as he brushed passed the tall doorway of his school still seemed to cling on to him, making his head feel blurrier by the seconds. And the feeling. The feeling that still remained inside of him, only strengthened it.
His head that was hung low as he took breathes slowly tilted upwards when he, felt him shift. When he felt him wrap his fingers around his wrist, pulling his tight grip back as he slowly lowered his hand back toward his side. Seongje's hand still remained against his shoulder as he lowered the other into one of his pockets, slipping out a set of keys.
Sieun watched in awe, eyes weary as he stepped forward enough so that was he barely infront of him, and pushed one through the keyhole, turning it as it made a metal click.
After what felt like forever, the door shifted. It moved, was pushed open by him. It wasn't silent, wasn't continuesly taunting him, but it talked. The faint creak as it swung open slowly, by him.
The hands that were previously gripping the fabric of his jacket hard, were now lowered by his sides as he felt him, walk forward, still holding his grip against his shoulder. Sieun followed as he stepped forward, brushing passed the doorway as he stood behind him. He watched as he turned around to face his way, reaching his arm out to close the door shut, making a faint click behind him.
And seconds later?
After that faint, metal click. After he brought his arm back toward him and lowered it against his side. Their eyes locked.
Nothing but Sieun looking at him, his eyes on the verge of closing from the feeling that was attacking his body. Seongje giving him, this look, somewhere near worried, annoyed. He barely managed to catch him exhale underneath his breath, slightly loud---loud enough over the silence that hung over them.
Seconds later, and he did it.
Did it again, the second time, without any hesitation whatsoever. And he couldn't even understand why, he was doing it. Doing something like this, doing something as, sudden, as this. But he knew he needed to do something, his body was telling him that clearly.
Seongje's eyes met his as he looked at him, face unreadable, leaning close enough so that they were inches away.
" sieun, why were y-- " he began, his voice toned with frustration, a questioning tone lined across it.
In seconds, he shifted.
In seconds, his body reacted, making his heart skip a beat as he, shifted. The hands that were rested against his sides only seconds ago, shifted, as he brought one up towards him and slid it across the back of his neck, tugging him forward. And the other? It made it's way towards his jacket, fingers digging into the nylon fabric as he, leaned forward.
As he pressed his lips against him, again, without a single thought breezing passed him. In seconds, they began moving, his lips began moving restlessly against him almost, uncontrollably.
He didn't even realize it until he felt Seongje almost seem as if he stumbled backward, his body jerking slightly back at how sudden it was, that he began moving. That Sieun began moving, stepping forward, practically pushing him back as he only pulled him, closer.
But this time, it was different. It wasn't the same.
He, wasn't completely still, wasn't entirely frozen against the pavement floor of the balcony as the rain poured endlessly beside them. His lips weren't still, weren't anywhere near still, when it happened. Though his movements were nothing, compared to Sieun's, he pressed his lips against him mindlessly, trying to atleast, match his movements.
Only after a few more haste steps and they managed to hit the spacious living room directly across from the front door, as he felt them hit a soft carpet beneath them. He didn't even take a second to pull back, to let them breath as he continued moving him backward without a thought.
But after one last step, he finally leaned back a bit as their mouths parted, both of them breathing heavily.
And without a question, he did it again.
Did it so suddenly, so abruptly that it immediately shifted the room around them. It didn't even seem nowhere near something he'd do, in the first place. It was the opposite way around, atleast it was, until now.
As soon as he pulled back, breathing heavily as their faces remained inches away from one another, the hands that were gripping tightly around his neck, against the fabric of his jacket, shifted. They, in the matter of seconds, slid across him as they hit the sides of his chest. And without a question, he shoved him, backward. Pressed down against the thick fabric of his jacket as he, shoved him back, enough so that he fell back down onto the couch that sat in the living room, a black, leather couch.
And what he did next?
What came after he did something like, that. His mind was too occupied, too clouded up to even care about his actions. One thing was the only thing lingering through his blurry mind, and there wasn't a question, what it was.
Seconds, only seconds later and he was now tearing off his backpack, hastily shoving the straps off his sides as it fell down against the soft carpet beneath him. Breathing heavily, he fixed his gaze below him as his hand shifted, as they were now directly facing his lower body. In seconds, he hastily hooked his fingers around the fabric and tugged them down, shoved the pants off of him in the matter of seconds, falling down somewhere beside him.
And after that, after standing infront of him, above him? He shifted, shifted so suddenly that he, couldn't even take a second to comprehend what was going on.
Seconds later and now his hands made their way back onto his shoulders, back onto the thick fabric of his jacket as he dug his fingers into his sides. He stepped forward, once, before climbing ontop of, him. Before kneeling above him, directly above his lower body, his waist, holding his grip tight against his jacket as if it were the only thing keeping him from collapsing. It probably was, as he brought one of his shuddering hands back towards him and lowered it against the fabric of his boxers.
Through his fogged up mind, he could barely, hear his voice coming through the back of his mind. But it was muffled, faint, nowhere near hearable as he breathed raggedly, gaze fixed below him as he hooked his shaky fingers around the waistband of the only thing left covering him.
His voice only grew louder too, but he didn't care. Couldn't care, couldn't even see the way that he, was looking at him. The way his brows were furrowed, how his arms just remained still around Sieun's sides. But as he was about to wrap his shuddering fingers around the piece of clothing, as he was seconds away from pulling them down,
He managed to snap back to reality when he felt it.
When he felt him, suddenly place his hand against his and wrap his fingers around it, gripping it tightly, holding it still.
He said his name, too. Said it loud enough so that it pierced through his hazy mind, so that it helped him gather his senses. And after facing below him for so long, his breathes still heavy and ragged, his gaze shifted. He tilted his head upwards and immediately, it hit his.
His eyes were weary, breathes ragged as he faced him, eyes locking. He didn't even react as much as he would've when he caught the way he, was looking at him. How he was giving him this look---dumbfounded, confused, his brows furrowed as he sat back against the leather couch.
With his hand still gripped tightly against his, his lips parted as the words came out, barely enough for Sieun to process.
" are you drunk or some shit? what's up with you? " he said suddenly, voice lined with a questioning tone as his eyes shifted around Sieun.
He wasn't.
Wasn't anywhere near being drunk, no drop of alcohol in his veins whatsoever. But when he heard those words, it was enough to make him feel the impact of them straight against his chest.
His gaze that previously faced him shifted, as he tilted his head down a bit, eyes fluttering open and closed as a frustrated exhale barely managed to escape him. But as he stood there, as he kneeled above him, the feeling only grew worse. The same feeling he began to feel as he stood against the lifeless door, as he waited. It was only growing stronger as seconds passed.
And what he said next?
The words that slipped passed his mouth following that. It only made it worse.
" i didn't even get to ask how your day at school was, " he added after a few seconds, tilting his head at him, almost mockingly.
He closed his eyes at those words, tightly, at how harsh they were. At least to him, they felt harsh. Felt unbearable, as he just completely ignored him, ignored him entirely. How he, seemed to not even care about him, about what he was going through, about what his body was urging him, to do.
His head that was tilted downward shifted as he faced him, again, breathing heavily as his eyes remained on the verge of closing any second. And has much as he tried to say something, to atleast tell him, he couldn't. Couldn't find the strength, couldn't get a word out as ragged breathes escaped his lips.
A second passed and he heard his voice again, heard it so clear that at this point, it was too much.
" were you going through withdrawals? " Seongje said suddenly, a slight questioning tone lined across his voice as he furrowed his brows at Sieun.
And when he laughed?
When he barely, managed to let out a slight laugh that faded into a breath, it was enough to make him shatter into pieces. He heard him, saw him laugh faintly underneath his breath, a slight smile lined across his face as their eyes locked.
He leaned forward, too, barely to be noticeable though.
" was i making you go through that shit? " he added, a faint smile lined across his face as he looked at Sieun, mockingly.
The feeling, the feeling that was boiling inside of him, only growing harsher after each word that managed to escape his mouth.
It got to a point where he couldn't even stand it. It was like torture, like he was doing this, on purpose. Like he was punishing him on purpose, driving him insane on purpose just for pleasure, nothing more than entertainment.
So as he stood there, still kneeled above him, his body only growing weaker, his breathes only growing heavier,
It happened to suddenly, so abruptly as it finally left him, as he finally let it go after holding it back for so long. Tears began welling up in his barely open eyes, his breathes only becoming more shaky as he stood there.
And in seconds, his head fell down against him, his body collapsed against him as he fell forward, resting his head against his shoulder. He didn't even know why he was doing it, why it was happening so suddenly, so uncontrollably, but he was crying,
Tears running down his sides as choked gasps escaped his lips, his head sinking into the thick fabric of his jacket as he brought his hand up to grip his shoulder. He shut his eyes tight as if it could help, as if it'd have an impact, as tears ran down his cheeks, uncontrollably. Everything about it, everything about, this? It was like everything was uncontrollable, like his body was giving out on him, making him react like, this. As his grip grew tight around him, as he was now practically pressed against him, he felt him stiffen as soon as he collapsed forward, felt him still, freeze almost.
And he didn't even know what to do. What to say, what words that should leave his mouth. He couldn't even think of what to say---his mind was too blurry to even try. So he just leaned his head down against him, faint sobs escaping his lips as he kept his eyes shut, tears flowing down endlessly.
But he knew he needed to say something, had to say something. And when he tried to say it, it barely managed to leave him, to escape his mouth as he breathed raggedly letting out chocked breathes.
" why am i-- i don't know wh, why i'm, " he tried to say, the words barely coming out as a choked breath as tears continued running down his face.
And everything about those words were true, were genuine.
| Why
That one word was the only thing surrounding him, attacking his mind as he broke into tears ontop of him. Everything about it, he had no idea why he, was doing this. Why his body was making him do something like this, uncontrollably almost.
The last word faded into a choked breath as his chest rose restlessly back and forth, gripping against the nylon fabric of his jacket as his head remained against his shoulder. And after leaning against him for so long, after crying against him, against collapsing against him---his eyes gradually fluttered open when he felt him slide his hand across his blazer, pressing down against his chest, making him lean back to face him.
Without a question, his shuddering body leaned back slowly, tilting his head back up as choked breathes escaped his lips. His eyes were fluttering opened and closed when he was back enough to face him, to barely see the way that he was looking at him through his blurry vision.
But in seconds, he closed his eyes, his choked sobs gradually fading into shaky breathes, when he felt his touch. When he felt him place one of his hands against his face, brushing his thumb against the skin along his cheek as he wiped away the tears that escaped. It wasn't anywhere near rough, near hard when he did it, but the complete opposite. His head tilted down a bit when he felt the warmth of it, feeling him brush his finger along his skin, brushing away any of the tears that seamlessly died down.
He did the same with the other side, softly holding the side of his face as he brushed his thumb against his cheek, below his eye as he wiped away the tears against his skin.
And he just stood there, stood there with his body shuddering slightly above him, his breathes growing more shallower as seconds passed. His eyes managed to barely open when he felt him, pull back. When he felt him run his hand along his back, across the fabric of his blazer as rest it just above the back of his chest, pulling him forward.
He let him do it, let him pull him forward as he leaned back onto him, resting his head down against his shoulder almost like he was doing, seconds ago.
And the tears that seemed to flow endlessly down his sides, he choked sobs that escaped his lips without control? They faded, faded into nothing but shallow breathes as he leaned his forehead against his shoulder, breathing softly, yet shakily.
Everything about him hit him hard, hard enough to make him loosen at the feeling. The smell, the smell that he's always been drawn in by the second he shoved him against the brick wall lined across the dim alley. That faint cologne, the one that soothes your nostrils whenever you inhale, that smells so good you never want to stop breathing. The warmth, the warmth radiating through the thick jacket directly onto him, the warmth spreading throughout his body as he rested his hand against his back, through the fabric of blazer.
And when he heard his voice, heard it directly beside him, his eyes managed to gradually reopen.
The tone, the way he said it, the words that came out of, his, mouth? Out of the same mouth that only minutes ago, was taunting him, driving him insane, mocking him without hesitation.
" how can i be better, what should i, "
He said suddenly, voice low directly beside him, only inches away from his neck as the last word faded into a breath.
When be barely, managed to process those words, his breath stilled. Everything about it, about this, seemed unreal. About the words that he swore, heard come out of him, directly beside him.
With his head still rested against his shoulder, he closed his eyes shut, trying to gather the strength to get a word out---to say something. To tell him, to tell him after what felt like forever. But all that managed to leave him was one word,
" just, . " he said quietly, barely even a breath as his forehead remained pressed into the fabric along his shoulder.
Almost simultaneously, he slowly brought one of his hands over towards his side, raised it enough, and slid it onto his head. Slowly placed it against Seongje's head as he ran his fingers through his hair, gripping the strands softly as he pushed his head forward a bit, towards the side of his neck.
And when he felt the heat of his soft breathes hit against his skin, he closed his eyes, closed them shut as he only pulled him closer, pushed him closer. His grip slowly tightened against his hair when he felt it, felt his lips brushing up against his skin, grazing against the side of his neck.
It was clear, more than clear what he, was asking for. And when he felt it, when he finally felt him, shift, he closed his eyes at the feeling, a shallow moan barely escaping his lips as his head rested against his shoulder. When he felt him, press his lips down against his skin, sucking softly before pulling back slightly, close enough so that they remained grazing against the side of his neck. He did that all long the side of neck, slowly. Slowly pressing his lips down, leaving warm marks, sucking against his sensitive skin for nothing more than a second.
And that, something like, that? It was enough for him to melt at the feeling, to feel his body loosen whenever he felt it. Shallow breathes escaped his lips, quiet moans slipping passed his mouth as he stayed there, his grip gradually tightening against his hair.
His eyes gradually fluttered open when he felt him stop after nothing more than half a minute, his lips still brushing up against his skin as he felt the heat against him. And when he muttered the words against him, directly against him, against his skin---his stomach dropped immediately, his heart skipping a beat.
" what else can i do, tell me what you want, " he said softly, voice low as the words hit against his skin, his lips grazing against his neck.
Those words made his mind more blurry than it should've.
It only heightened the feeling, worsened it, depending how you looked at it. He couldn't even understand what he was feeling throughout his entire body as he sat there, chest rising back and forth, head rested against his shoulder.
But he knew, he knew exactly what he had to say. What he wanted to say, what he wanted to tell, him, so bad, that it hurt. That it even hurt to admit something like it, to tell him something as, indescribable, as this.
One word, nothing more than a letter, escaped his lips as his mind only grew more heavy by the seconds.
" i, . " he said against him, forehead pressed into his shoulder as the word barely slipped passed his lips.
Shallow breathes were escaping his lips as his grip still remained tight against his hair, digging his fingers into the strands as his mind tried to function. As he tried, as hard as he could, to gather the right words, to figure out how to say it.
To try and understand how to say something like, that.
To try and atleast, understand why he was feeling like this, why his mind was only growing more hazy as seconds passed. Seconds passing with nothing but him against him, pressed against him. Seconds passing with him, resting his hand against his back as the heat flowed through the fabric of his blazer, him being so close, so that his lips were practically driving him insane, brushing up against his skin, each breath seeming hotter than the one before.
But despite it, he managed to get the words out, as they barely, escaped his lips.
Five words. Five words that said everything, said it clearly.
With his forehead still pressed against him, he shifted slightly, tilting his head enough to the side so that he was facing his neck, inches away from it. Without even hesitating, without even letting a second thought attack his mind, he leaned forward. Leaned close, so close, that his lips were only inches away from touching the skin along his neck, from barely, grazing against it. He could've swore he felt him stiffen, felt his body react, but he was too occupied to even think about caring about something like that.
Breathing shallowly against him, his lips parted. The five words,
The five words that were being held back for so long, so long that it hurt, finally came out as he inhaled.
" i want to feel you, . " he said shallowly, the entire thing barely coming out as a whisper, nothing more than a breath against his skin.
And after they barely managed to escape his lips, he remained close, stayed there, as his eyes fluttered closed.
He barely managed to hear him, let out a sudden exhale, a sharp breath seconds after those five words were said directly against him. He felt the heat of it against his skin, felt everything that left him.
And after being so close, leaning against him for so long to the point where he didn't even want to move---he wanted to stay still---his eyes managed to slowly reopen when he felt him place his hand against his side, just below his shoulder as he slowly pushed him back. As before, he let him do it, breathing shallowly as he leaned back enough to face him, the hand that was previously gripping his hair now resting against his shoulder, against the thick fabric of his pitch black jacket.
In seconds, their eyes locked, his gaze meeting his as he breathed shallowly, chest rising back and forth.
And the look, the expression that lied within his face?
It was nothing compared to what he saw minutes ago, minutes ago when they were just outside the door, standing against the concrete floor as the rain poured restlessly down beside them.
It was nothing compared to that, nowhere close. But it was direct, clear, said it clearly. The eyes, his eyes that were narrowly rested on his, eyeing him every second that passed.
His lips, the lips that only minutes ago, were questioning him, curling into a smile as he taunted him countless times. His lips that remained parted, shallow breathes escaping him as he looked up at him, at him directly.
It said it clearly, everything.
And seconds later,
Seconds later and he'd, be slowly pushing against him, pushing him to the side, hooking his fingers around his thigh as he slowly pushed him aside.
Seconds after that,
He'd, be towering above him, leaning down as he hooked his fingers around the fabric of his tie hung against his neck,
Tugging him upwards as he carefully dragged him across the wooden floor, passing through the doorway, entering the dimly lit room, inching closer towards the bed,
Both of their blurry minds focused on one thing
| 8 : 14 P M
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Notes:
short chapter compared to the other one!! surprised it got finished pretty fast, but i decided to split the original scene into TWO chapters bc it's going to be long like idek how long it's gonna take to write, probably another week 3
BUT it's gonna be good, it's gonna be worth it and im going to try to add as MUCH detail as possible, more than i did in the oldest chapters atleastt!
so i hope you guys enjoyed it! and i wanna know what you guys think so far! about their relationship or whatever and about this concept of sieun being sort of lost in a way!
feedback is always appreciated 🫶🫶
♡
Chapter Text
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| 6 : 57 P M
Thirty minutes, half an hour had passed.
But something as small as a number felt way longer than it should've, had much of larger impact that it should've.
At least to him it did. Nothing but him tensing his grip around the thin cigarette between his fingers, his grip tightening against the sides of the phone held just beneath his face.
Five calls turned into ten as his mind only grew heavier, filled to the brim with emotions---frustration, irritation, anger. Confusion, by why this, was happening. At why he, all of a sudden, was ignoring each and every one of his calls, why he wasn't hearing a knock on his door any second. At why he, was avoiding him.
But worse, was that this wasn't the first time. This wasn't the first time that something like this had happened. It was the second time,
The second time that he'd waited for him, pushed his time aside for him, dedicated his hours for him. And what he got in return? Nothing, nothing but him staring down at the dim screen as it rung for nothing more than a few seconds, before heading to voicemail.
After standing still, leaning against the wall inches away from the doorway beside him, the tenth call was enough to make him tense his eyes shut, a sharp exhale leaving him as he tilted his head back against the wall.
Without even thinking, without even taking a second to process what he was about to do, he reopened his eyes and shoved the phone back into the pocket behind him as he hastily grabbed a thick jacket that hung on the wall ahead of him. He shoved it on in seconds, hastily dragging up the zipper. And seconds later, he grabbed the keys that were hung against the wall, swinging the door open as he brushed through the doorway.
With one quick movement he shoved the key through the keyhole as it made a metal click. And with one last sharp inhale, he exhaled the smoke infront of him, fading into the wind as he flicked the cigarette off the balcony beside him, dissapearing into the dark area below him.
- - -
Ten minutes, eleven minutes of nothing but him tensing his fingers as he walked along dim sidewalks, crossing wide sidestreets as his mind only grew worse.
Grew worse by the seconds, trying any attempt, any slight attempt to make sense of the situation.
And seconds later, he was here.
Standing against a tiled floor, a barely lit room with faint music echoing off the dark walls, the muffled bass blaring through the room. Standing still, his fingers tensing around the desk that stood infront of him, facing the man behind the counter, distinct tattoos lined across his neck, his arms.
He didn't even know why he was here.
Why he, was standing in a place like this, seconds away from saying it. Weeks ago, months at most, he'd used to come here, used to take random girls back to his place, grab them by the wrist and drag them through the doorway without a thought.
But that, something like that?
That was way before he saw him, before he saw him inches away from him. It was weeks, months, before he stood infront of him in the dimly lit museum bathroom, seeing everything. The way he looked at him, the way he, fought back.
That day, the day that he saw him. Everything changed in the matter of days, minutes, barely seconds. He didn't know what it was, had no idea how he, could make him feel those things. Make him feel as something as, indescribable, as that. As this, something as strong as this, that feeling that exploded inside of him that day.
And it only grew worse, grew strong enough to haunt his mind countless times. To make it so he couldn't focus, couldn't stand a second without thinking about him, couldn't lay against his mattress with nothing but his thoughts hanging over him like a shadow.
Days, stacks of days before he'd even thought about doing something, and he'd be laid flat against his bed, staring at the barely visible ceiling, hours passing by the second as he thought about him. Thought about everything. About his eyes, the eyes that glared directly through his countless times. The museum, the rooftop. About him, about how stubborn he seemed, how it seemed as if he were hiding something, tucking it away for no one to uncover---at least to him, that's what he saw. About him, him directly, him underneath the smooth uniform, the thin layer of clothing that covered him.
But worse, worse than any of that, was the feeling. The feeling that he couldn't even take a second to understand, to question. Obsession, fixation. Something along the borderline of intimacy. He didn't need to understand it, didn't want to. But the way that this feeling made him react, the way it made his body react,
Nights, late nights of nothing but darkness surrounding him, wind barely whistling through the window. Late nights of him laying flat against the mattress, the room around him completely silent, pitch black. Too silent, that it only made it worse, too dark that it only made him isolated, trapped with nothing but his thoughts. Midnight and he'd he be closing his eyes shut, tensing them shut as his lips remained parted, shallow breathes escaping his mouth. Minutes later, seconds later and his chest would be rising back and forth, his body growing hotter, heat crawling across his chest as his movements only grew harsher. Seconds, seconds passing of nothing but him in the darkness with his spiralling mind, his thoughts. The thoughts that somehow always creeped back into his mind, only making his body ache each and every second he laid there, frozen. Frozen one minute, and the next. Seconds, only seconds later and his breathes were ragged, eyes shut tight, glasses fogged up, hand pressing firmer, harsher into the rough fabric against his lower body, his mind focused on one thing.
One thing, one person. Thinking, imagining about anything that involved, him. Fantasizing about things he, never even took a second to question, to understand.
Closing his eyes tightly, tensing them shut as he thought about him, about him beneath him. Below him, underneath him. About him yelling at him, throwing punches at his face, scolding him, wrapping his fingers around his neck and tightening them to the point where he couldn't even breath. He wanted it, didn't care how much it would hurt, couldn't care about the pain. He wanted him to shove him against a wall, hit him hard against the chest, do anything.
Anything, it could be anything and he wouldn't care---a look that lasted for barely a second, a glare, a few words. Seconds later and he'd be tilting his head back against the soft pillow behind him, closing his eyes tight, lips parted, breathes heavy, his hand pressing firmer into the rough fabric. Stuck with his mind, stuck with his cloudy thoughts as the feeling only grew worse, when he thought of it. Thought of him below him, his eyes locked on nothing but his. Him, nothing but him below him, on his knees, wrapping his fingers against the rough fabric of his jeans, staring up at him, staring up at him with his eyes, inches away from.
He couldn't stand it, couldn't even sit against his wooden desk during school hours without it. Without thinking about it for days on end, seconds on end. Days, days later and he finally did it. Planned it all, planned it like it was serious, like it was something that could shatter into pieces any second. It could've, it was on the verge of fading away, crumbling any second,
Until he did it. Until Sieun did it, did it so suddenly, so unexpectedly that it didn't even feel real.
The feeling, the moment he, without any hesitation whatsoever, shoved his fingers inside his mouth, brushing them passed his lips. That moment. The second he did that, something crashed against his chest, hit him hard enough to make him pause. To freeze, to make him question whether or not, this, was real. Whether or not it was real when he did, that. And seconds later? Was it real, when he, said it so suddenly, when he told him the three words so clearly, too clearly. It didn't feel like it, nowhere near it, but he didn't care. Couldn't care as he brought his hands down toward his lowerbody and did it without a thought, obeying what he, told him to do. And everything else that happened that night, seemed nowhere near close to reality.
Seconds passing of him hooking his fingers around the only piece of clothing covering him, seconds of him running his hand along him, against him, each movement seeming stronger than the one before. Seconds later, and he was kneeling, kneeling infront of him, inches away from him as he gripped his hair, dug his fingers into the strands as he, let him do it.
Let him do all of it, everything single bit of it, as he laid against the wooden floor or the dim room.
And last night, just last night and he was laying flat against his mattress, bedsheets scattered all around him, eyes on the verge of closing. Yesterday. Yesterday and he was facing the ceiling, head sinking into the pillow behind him, shallow breathes escaping his lips, thinking about him. Barely, on the borderline of sleep, thinking about him. The words, the words that he said directly, that he said so suddenly that it crashed against his chest. And despite how blurry the memory seemed, how distorted it seemed through his intoxicated mind, he remembered it clearly. The six words, the six words that came out clear, too clear.
Six words, one clear question, one question that could've made his heart shatter into pieces.
But it didn't, he didn't let it, wasn't even close to letting something like that, have an impact on him during the moment. But hours later, hours later and he was alone, nothing but darkness caging him in, nothing but his thoughts crashing against his head. Seconds later and it hit him, hit him hard enough to make him still, to clear his thoughts. Did he, someone like him, someone as callous, as hard as him, care about him? Care about Sieun. Could he even care about anyone. Days, only days before he'd found him seconds from passing out against the barstool and he wasn't even close to caring about him. Couldn't care about him, wouldn't let his feelings, his emotions dictate him. But days later and he saw him, saw him so suddenly that it didn't feel real. Hours later, hours passed midnight and they, we're lying against the bed, his bed, Sieun laying silent beside him, finally, after hours on end, asleep.
The day following that, the hours following that, he barely managed to realize it. And as much as he tried to deny it, as much as he tried to stray way from even letting his emotions have an impact on him, he couldn't.
Months later,
And he was standing here, standing up straight, eyes narrowed, in the barely lit room. Faint smoke, watered down perfume, all of it was strong enough to make him tense whenever he inhaled.
His gaze shifted toward the man, the stiff man behind the counter once the words finally slipped passed his lips.
Once he, finally said it, barely managed to.
" tall, long hair, " he said sternly, facing the man as he stood there against the tiled floor, hand gripping the edge of the counter.
He watched, his mind heavy, his expression blank as the man turned around and yelled out something over his shoulder, facing the dark window that rested against the wall behind him.
The door beside the man, the barely noticeable door that blended in with the dark walls that surrounded the room slowly swung open seconds later. His gaze shifted to face it as a silhouette walked out, a tall girl with long dark hair flowing down his sides, clothes long enough to barely cover her.
A second at most, was how long he looked at her for. He didn't even care, couldn't care as he turned back to face the man. Slipping his hand into one of his pockets, he pulled out a small stack of bills, placing it onto the dark counter infront of him as he turned toward the side to face the girl.
He stepped forward enough before placing one of his hands against her shoulder, against her smooth skin as the shirt barely covered her upper body. And without a thought, he stepped forward, walking across the tiled floor of the dim, dark room before passing through the doorway that led out to the side street, a dimly lit alley, a large flashing LED sign towering over them.
Without a second thought and they, began walking, nothing but his mind turning thousands of times each step he took, the girl following beside him.
The reality of it only hit him harder.
Would something like this, help---would it even have an impact?
It wouldn't, but he didn't even care to think as he walked across the dim streets, eyes narrowed, hands draped in his pockets.
- - -
Five minutes at least, and they hit the concrete stairwell,
Brushing passed each step as he climbed the concrete stairs, the girl trailing behind him without a choice.
In minutes, seconds, he'd be dragging her, this random girl who had no name, who he didn't even take a second to look at, to acknowledge. Dragging her through the doorway, locking the door behind them as he pulled her across the dim room. Doing anything, trying anything that could possibly help.
And as he hit the last step, as he finally reached the landing of the concrete stairway, he shifted his gaze as he focused ahead of him.
But his heart dropped, almost skipped a beat when he saw it.
When it didn't even look real, didn't even seem anywhere near real. When he saw him, in the distance, directly against his door, frozen.
For a second at least, he paused, squinting his eyes at the silhouette in the distance, furrowing his brows. That was enough to clear his mind of any thoughts, anything that was previously attacking his head countless times.
And after staring blankly, dumbfounded at the figure in the distance, he shifted. Moved forward, stepping forward, inching closer towards him as he walked against the pavement balcony that lined the appartment doors.
And if he wasn't there?
If he, wasn't there clinging onto his door, standing against his doorstep as if he could collapse any minute? What would've happened. What could've happened, if he came minutes later. If he wasn't there at all, if he wasn't standing on his doorstep. If it had been minutes later, he'd already be inside the dim appartment, already shoving the clothes off the tall girl beside him, tugging against her hair.
The things that could've happened in the span of minutes, of seconds, if he wasn't there.
But seeing him, seeing him so suddenly that it didn't even feel real---it immediately made him come back to his senses.
Only after a few more steps did he reach him, standing directly beside him, inches away from him. Completely dumbfounded by why, he was here. Why he was just suddenly here at this time, this moment out of every possibility there could've been.
And as he faced him, as he furrowed his brows by how unreal it felt, as he placed his hand against his shoulder as it rested along the fabric of his, blazer,
He stood there, frozen, completely still against the concrete floor. Seongje stood there inches away from his side.
And the only thing---the only thing occupying his tense mind, was him.
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| 8 : 17 P M
They were now face to face, inches away from each other, both breathing shallowly, lips parted.
Hours ago, he was facing no one, facing the empty chair that stood against the tattered sidewalk infront of him, facing the ghost that sat ahead of him.
Only hours ago and he was walking down pavements, climbing up sidewalks, his mind spiralling as he tried to find any other possibility, any other option that didn't, include him. But he couldn't. His mind wouldn't let him, wouldn't even let him take a second to think, to breath, reflect.
Minutes ago, he was facing the door, facing the silent, unbearable door that taunted him, his mind only growing more heavier by the seconds. Only minutes ago and he was, in the matter of seconds, facing him. He, was facing him so suddenly that it didn't feel anywhere near real. It felt like a fever dream as soon as he saw him, saw his expression, saw the faint black eye that lied beneath the lens of his glasses. As soon as he felt it, felt the hand that pressed against his shoulder, that rested against the smooth fabric of his blazer as he stood there, frozen. As they both stood there frozen, confused, dumbfounded.
And only seconds ago, only seconds ago did he, finally listen to him, finally, after sitting there and doing nothing, saying words that only made it worse. Seconds ago and he, remained close to him, so close that it felt unreal, that it felt fake. So close so that they were pressed tightly against one another, so that his lips were brushing up against his skin, so that the heat of each one of his breathes were continuesly, hitting against his neck as they sat there. Sieun sat there and didn't move, didn't move a muscle. Because if he did? This, would shatter into pieces, it would fade away, end in seconds---atleast to him, he thought it would.
And now, only seconds later, and they're facing one another, directly facing one another as if he, was processing what he was saying,
Was processing what Sieun had said, what he had said directly, against him, against his skin, barely a breath. Seconds passed as Sieun looked at him, his eyes still weary from everything that happened in the span of hours, chest rising slowly back and forth.
But his gaze that was focused on nothing but him shifted, when he felt him. He tilted his head downwards enough to face below him when he, felt him slowly hook his fingers beneath his thigh, pressing against the side of his chest as he slowly urged him to move aside.
Sieun did. He moved when he felt him do it, shifting against the couch as he turned to the side, now resting against the leather backrest as he sat beside him. And with every movement, he, didn't even take a second to face away. Seongje didn't even look away when he shifted him off of him, because he couldn't. One look and it could all fade away, dissolve into thousands of pieces.
Shallow breathes escaped him as his gaze shifted when he, stood up. When he stood up above him, leaning above him as he lowered his hand towards his upper body, hooking his fingers around the tie that hung against his neck. With his hands placed against the leather couch, he managed to barely find the strength to push himself up once he felt him, tug against his tie, wrapping his fingers around the fabric as he pulled him up from the leather couch.
Once he hit the floor, his legs immediately felt like they'd give out on him any second. One of the hands that rested against his side made it's way onto his shoulder, gripping the fabric of his jacket tightly as he tried to regain any sort of balance. But only seconds later and they were already walking across the wooden floor, turning the corner of the spacious living room as they passed through the tall doorway, nothing but him, dragging him by his tie alongside him.
The room was dimly lit, nothing but a faint orange tinted lamp barely illuminating the area. It smelled nice, had a crisp smell to it as the rain pattered continuesly against the nearby window, the moonlight shining through as it casted a glow onto the wooden floor.
Only a few more steps, Sieun holding onto his shoulder as he tried any attempt to not stumble from how weak his limbs felt, and they managed to reach the edge of the bed, the side of the wide bed lined with soft white bedsheets, some scrunched up and others laid flat. The hand, the fingers wrapped tirghtly around the fabric of his tie never seemed to leave as in seconds, he, pulled him forward. Shifted so that he was facing Sieun, so that they were inches away as he tugged him forward. Their mouthes clashed in seconds as he shut his eyes tight, his gasp being swallowed by him, when he felt him brush his other hand against the back of his neck, wrapping his fingers around his skin as he pulled him closer.
His grip only grew tighter around his jacket, around the thick fabric against his shoulder when they began moving. When he, began shifting backward, climbing backward onto the bed as he only dragged Sieun closer, forcing him to match his movements. And he didn't even pull back, didn't even take a second to see his surroundings. Sieun just clinged onto him tight, digging his fingers into his jacket as they shifted back against the bed, climbing onto the edge.
His lips weren't restless, his movements not as rough as they should've been. But they were slow. Deep, on the borderline of rough as he pressed them firmly against Sieun's, swallowing anything that tried to escape him, driving his tongue deeper every second, tightening his grip against his neck, against the fabric of his tie. But for Sieun, he didn't even take a second to care about it, to care about any of it. He couldn't, either way, especially with how lost he was as they shifted against the soft bed, Sieun trying any attempt to match his movements, to catch the rhythm of it.
And after a series of haste movements, nothing but them shifting against the mattress below them as they pulled eachother closer,
Seongje finally pulled back, shifted. Slowing down his movements as he slowly pulled back, softly sucking down against his bottom lip before leaning back against the headboard. With heavy breathes escaping his lips, Sieun shuddered when he felt it, felt him do that for nothing more than a second.
They were both catching their breathes as they remained there, chests rising back and forth. Sieun was sat above him, against him, barely kneeling above his waist as his breathes grew more shallow. And Seongje---he was below him, knees bent against the soft mattress as he leaned back against the headboard, breathing heavily as he closed his eyes for a few seconds.
Sieun tilted his head downwards a bit as he stayed there, hand still rested against the thick fabric along his shoulder as his eyes fluttered open and closed, lips parted.
The hands, the fingers that were gripped tightly around him, against the skin along the back of his neck, against the soft fabric of his tie, now suddenly appeared below him. He watched through his faint vision as he, brought his hands towards his upper body, now slowly flicking his fingers against the fabric as he undid the buttons of his blazer. Two buttons unhooked and now he was gripping against the sides, pulling it slowly off his shoulders as he, reached out both his arms behind him, pressing against his sides as he slid the whole thing off. It managed to fall down against the wooden floor beside them making a soft thud.
He stared down in awe, eyes fluttering below him as his hands were now inches away from his face---watching as he loosened the tie around his neck, wrapping his fingers around the fabric as he pulled it over his head. It fell down beside them. Seconds later and he, was slowly flicking his fingers against the pure white fabric of his collar, undoing the buttons that lied just beneath the collar of the shirt.
His gaze shifted when he brought his hands lower, brushing them along the fabric of his shirt as he hooked his fingers around the hem. Sieun didn't even take a second to react when he felt him pull it upwards, holding his grip tight against the hem of the shirt as he brought it up towards his chest. Without a second thought, he raised his arms as he let him, pull it off him, slide the last piece of clothing off over his head as it landed against the wooden floor beside him.
Breathing shallowly, he lowered his hands by his sides as his gaze remained fixed below him, nothing left covering his upper body. It shifted when, in the faint corner of his eye, he managed to catch him, suddenly hook his fingers around the small metal zipper as he tugged it down, down all the way towards his lower body. He, leaned forward a bit as he shoved the thick sleeves off his sides, tearing the entire thing off him as he threw it down against the floor beside him, across the edge of the bed as it made a quiet thud against the wooden floor.
He watched him as he did it. Sieun, through his blurry vision, watched him as he sat above him, barely kneeling against him.
Watched how he shoved the thick jacket off of him, revealing the pitch black shirt he was wearing beneath it, one with a random graphic on the front, short sleeved, the long silver chain reflecting the faint light as it hung beneath his neck. And seconds later their eyes met as he, turned back to face him.
Giving him this look, this look that made him still as soon as he saw it, as soon as he saw the way that he, was eyeing him, eyes locked on nothing but his. His face, everything about it---the glasses sat against him, barely reflecting the faint light ; the black eye beneath the lens, the faint mark underneath his eye ; the eyes, his eyes that remained narrowed on nothing but him, eyeing him ; the lips, his lips that remained parted as shallow breathes escaped him.
Only after a few seconds did he manage to catch him shift, to catch him shift his eyes off him as they faced lower, below them. And when he felt him suddenly place his hand against him, running his fingers along his thigh, his eyes fluttered open and closed. They managed to reopen, though, when he felt him tighten his grip against his sides, hooking his fingers beneath him as he tugged him forward, suddenly, pulling him closer.
Sieun brought one of the hands that remained against his side towards him as it made it's way toward his shoulder, gripping against the soft, thin fabric of his shirt. A shallow gasp managed to barely leave him when he felt him, do that, felt him drag him forward, making him shift against the mattress as he remained kneeled.
They were only inches away as his gaze met his, eyes weary as he breathed shallowly, chest rising back and forth. He watched in awe, when he caught him lean forward, lean his upper body forward enough so that his chest was barely grazing against the soft fabric of his shirt. With his fingers still hooked beneath his thighs, he leaned forward enough so that he, was facing beside him, his head tucked against the crevice inbetween Sieun's neck and shoulder.
His eyes immediately closed, fluttered shut, when he felt him press his warm lips against him, grazing them against the skin along his neck. The breathes, his breathes, the warmth of them, attacked his body all over, making his heart skip a beat as he sat there.
He stilled, eyes closed shut when he felt him, shift, releasing his grip against him as he ran his hand against his skin. He could feel him, sliding one of his hands across him, brushing his fingers against his thigh, slowly making it's way towards his waist. One remained rested against his waist as the other trailed higher, running along his side, fingers brushing up against his soft skin until he reached the side of his chest.
And he didn't even know what to think of, this. He couldn't think, his mind wouldn't let him. But if he could? How he, was doing this, whatever this was. Going so slow, as if he were speeding down time every second, as if he were an entire different person---gentle, soft, slow. None of those applied to him, not even close, at least they didn't, until now.
He breathed shallowly, head tilted slightly downwards as Seongje remained beside him, against him, leaning forward so that they were barely touching, his lips never leaving him. Something flowed through his body, this feeling sent a wave through his body, when he felt him, hook his hand against the side of his chest, slowly, lazily running his fingers along him, brushing them against his skin.
But that feeling heightened, spiked in seconds when he felt him. Felt his voice so suddenly that a shallow gasp escaped his lips.
Directly against him, pressing against his sensitive skin, the words hit him hard.
" you know i'd never hurt you sieun, i never meant to hurt you, never meant any of that shit, " he said softly against the side of his neck, voice low.
Each word, each letter that slipped passed his lips? It hit him hard, so hard that the feeling only grew stronger in seconds.
The tone, the way he, said them. The way they slowly rolled off his tongue, slowly left his mouth, his lips that were brushing against him. Barely, only barely did he process what he said, the words that were said directly against him. But he couldn't even think about it, couldn't even try to comprehend what he, was saying, as his movements never stopped.
The hand pressed against his waist was still, fingers tightening lazily, but the other? It continued shifting against him, his fingers brushing against his skin, his thumb pressing into his side as he ran it against him.
And simultaneously, was his voice. The voice that was hitting him, hitting directly against his skin as each letter made his body react in seconds. The voice, his voice that remained soft, low, as his lips never moved an inch, only making his head foggier the more he felt his warm breathes against him.
Seconds later and he heard it again, felt it, felt the heat of it attack his body.
" and i'd never let anyone ruin this pretty body, never in my fucking life sieun, " Seongje said suddenly, voice low as the last word, name, faded into a breath against him.
He didn't even realize it until he felt him tightening his grip against, him. His hands were suddenly on him, on Seongje, suddenly against him, one against his chest as the other rested against his shoulder. His eyes were closed shut as he tightened his grip, fingers digging into the soft fabric of his dark shirt, shallow breathes escaping his lips.
It was almost like he, was trying to do something. Almost as if his body were urging him to do something, to make him tighten his grip against him---and do what? Pull him closer, tug him forward? He had no idea, had no capability to even think about it as he sat there.
But despite how blurry his mind was, he knew one thing. One thing that sparked inside of him the moment he, pulled him close against the black leather couch, the moment that he, finally did something. It was clear, so clear that his body was saying it directly,
He didn't want it to end. Didn't want this, to end,
Didn't want it to fade away into pieces and shatter, didn't want it to stop and leave him behind. Didn't want it to leave him in the darkness, to leave him alone with nothing but his faded mind.
- - -
His eyes managed to slowly flutter open when he felt Seongje pull back, lean back as his lips were no longer fogging up his mind.
The once tight grip against him loosened as his head remained tilted downward, shallow breathes escaping his parted lips.
His gaze managed to shift, though, when he caught him suddenly lean over towards the side, when he felt him release his grip against the side of his chest, but keep the other tight against his waist. He stared in awe as he watched him lean towards the edge of the bed, his upper body shifting to the side as he reached his arm out.
A drawer clicked, a faint wooden click as he, reached his arm out and hooked his fingers around the small knob of the side table. Then it was metal, the faint sound of metal scraping against wood, against the wooden inside of the drawer.
Seconds later and it was metal clinging, rattling almost as he finally saw him bring his arm out of the drawer. Barely, his eyes widened, breath stilling when he saw what he must've been reaching for.
Two shiny metal rings, three small chain links, were dangling from his hand as he closed the drawer, making a soft wooden thud. He just stared, watched as he brought shiny metallic rings back towards them, making a clink sound whenever the rings hit one another.
The hand against his waist shifted in seconds as he, raised it back towards him, wrapping his fingers around his wrist as he pulled his hand back. Sieun let him, let him lower his hand back down against his side as he watched him in awe, breathing shallowly. He did the same with the other, pulling his grip back from the fabric against his chest as he lowered his arm back down against his sides.
And seconds later, he leaned forward. Seongje leaned forward, his upper body pressing against Sieun's as he pressed his arms into his sides, reaching out behind him. His face was directly inches away from the side of his face as he felt him, grip one of his hands, his wrist, as he slowly pulled against it and brought it behind him. His eyes barely remained open when he felt it, felt him click the metal ring open and press it down against his wrist. It closed, making a quiet click sound behind him. Unsurprisingly, he brought the other hand over, wrapping his fingers around his wrist as he pulled it behind his back, just beside his other hand.
With one last shift, he clicked the cold metal ring down as it rested against his wrist, making a faint metallic click.
" how's that feel, hm? too tight? " he said suddenly beside him, inches away from the side of his face as brushed his fingers along his wrists, voice low.
Sieun, despite how uncomfortable the cold metal around his wrists felt, nodded his head to the sides slightly. His mind was too clouded to even care, though, to even care about the situation as remained there, kneeled against the mattress, kneeled against him.
With his gaze fixated below him, his eyes fluttered open and closed as he continued to feel him, running his fingers against him, slowly against his skin, along his wrist. Almost suddenly, he heard him, inches beside him, let out a faint laugh underneath his breath, one of those laughs that fade into nothing but a breath.
He felt him, lean a bit closer, pressing into him as he wrapped his fingers around his wrist, tugging softly against it.
" feel that? you can't even move an inch, can't touch yourself, " he said beside him, directly beside him as his voice remained low, a faint smile lined across his face.
Sieun remained there, still, as he sat above him, chest slowly rising back and forth and he breathed shallowly. His mind only seemed to grow heavier by the seconds, the exhaustion clinging onto him hard, that feeling, still lingering through his body. The feeling that was, only minutes later, about to spike in seconds.
His upper body shuddered slightly, barely noticeable, when he felt him lean closer. Press firmer into his upper body, feeling the heat of the soft fabric of his shirt against his chest as he felt his lips against the side of his face. Felt the breathes, his breathes, the heat of them hit against his skin ; felt his warm lips barely, grazing against the side of his face.
And what he said next? The eight words that were muttered directly against him, against his face, against his skin.
" i can edge you all i fucking want, " he said against him, lips pressed against his skin as his voice grew lower, grew more hoarse.
He closed his eyes shut at those words. Two reasons, two reasons to why his body betrayed him.
The first was the feeling, the feeling of the words hitting against his skin, against the side of his face, each breath making his mind hazier than it was before. The second, were the words themselves. Despite how heavy his mind felt, he managed to barely, process what he had said. But judging from the tone, judging from the way that they rolled off his tongue---he had no idea whether he, was serious. Knowing him, it could go either way.
As his breath stilled at those words, he managed to find the strength to say something, to get a word out.
Two words, barely, managed to escape his lips as he sat there, pressed tightly against him as he breathed shallowly.
" your crazy, " he said underneath his breath, barely a whisper as the words faded into a shallow breath.
In seconds, he reacted. In barely a second and Seongje leaned back a bit, enough so that their faces were inches apart, so that their eyes locked.
Sieun saw how he raised his brows, how he kept his eyes narrowed, how he, looked at him.
" yeah? " Seongje said almost immediately, raising his eyebrows at Sieun as their faces remained inches apart.
For nothing more than a second did he lean back, lean back enough to say that one word, to eye him for nothing more than a second.
His gaze shifted downwards as he felt him shift forward, lean forward enough so that his upper body was pressing against his, again.
" but you love it, " he said directly beside him, inches away from the side of his face as his voice grew more shallow, more demanding.
Four words that were said directly beside him, the heat barely catching against the side of his face.
He felt him shift, felt him tilt his head down enough so that he was pressing against his shoulder. And seconds later? He felt him, felt him lean close enough so that his lips were barely grazing against the side of his neck. Felt the breathes against him, the heat hitting against him.
His eyes fluttered shut, closed tightly when he felt him release his grip from against his wrist and slip his hand onto his waist, brushing his fingers against his skin as he rested it there.
" fucking love it when i do shit like this, " he muttered underneath his breath, lips pressed against his skin, barely a whisper as the last word faded into a ragged breath.
Nine words that were said directly against him, against his skin, against his neck.
The way they sounded, the way they slipped passed his lips. His body was reacting in seconds, flushing this feeling throughout him, this feeling that he, couldn't even understand. It was like the more he said, the more he said against him as the words hit him hard, his mind only grew worse. Grew more heavier, blurrier, nowhere near being able to think. Grew more, demanding. Desperate, only made his body grow more weak by the seconds.
As soon as he hit the last word, as soon as it faded into nothing but a ragged breath, he shifted. His eyes shot open slightly, a sudden noise barely escaping his lips when he felt him, press his lips down against him. When he suddenly felt him slowly, dig his teeth into the skin along his neck, softly pressing his teeth down against him, lazily biting down against his skin. His upper body shuddered in seconds, dumbfounded by how sudden it felt as his grip tightened against him.
For nothing more than a second at most, did he feel him do that, feel him press his teeth down against his skin, dragging them slowly forward, softly biting down for nothing more than a second. A shallow gasp escaped him the second he felt him pull back, no longer feeling the sharp teeth dragging along his skin. But his lips remained pressed against him, only pulling back enough so that they were still, grazing against his neck.
" mh, your so sensitive, " he said softly, lips pressed against him as his voice remained low, a faint smile across his face.
Each word, each and every word that hit against his skin, that sent the vibrations through his entire body, making his heart skip a beat---it was only making his mind feel blurrier the more he sat there, the more that he, remained inches away from him.
His eyes were shut tight as he tensed his fingers, his hands remaining still behind his lower body. And after remaining so close, their bodies pressed firmly against one another, he shifted. Seongje shifted as he finally, leaned back, pulled back the lips that were filling Sieun's head with nothing but fog with each breath that left him.
His eyes fluttered open when he felt the warmth fade away, when he felt the warmth of the soft fabric of his dark shirt dissapear. Tilting his head upward enough, he faced him, breathing shallowly as their gazes met.
He watched in awe, eyes on the verge of closing as he, eyed him, eyes focused on nothing but him for only a few seconds at most. And seconds later, he managed to barely catch him release his grip against him, bringing his hands towards his lower body.
Sieun watched, didn't take a second to look away. He kept his gaze fixed on him, on his hands, as he hooked his fingers underneath the hem of the dark shirt. Seconds later and he was crossing his arms, pulling the entire thing upwards as he tore it off, shoving it over his head as he threw it to the side as it made a soft thud against the floor.
He stared, eyes weary, shallow breathes escaping his lips as his gaze shifted around, him. Shifted around his upper body, his chest, the way that the faint orange light casted a glow onto the side, onto the smooth skin.
Almost suddenly, as if he were stuck in a trance, he immediately came back to reality when he saw him, felt him lean forward again, shift his upperbody forward. He was close enough so that his face was directly beside his, beside Sieun's, inches away from the side of his face as their chests barely brushed up against one another.
His eyes closed shut when he felt him bring his hand back over towards him, slowly running it along his thigh, brushing his fingers against his skin as it slowly slid across him.
" you must've been thinking about me, hm? " Seongje said almost suddenly, voice low as his face remained inches away from Sieun's side.
Over the span of two days, nothing but two distinct days, he was.
Was without any hesitation, without a second thought. Uncontrollably, he'd flood his mind at the worst times possible---during class hours as he sat against a desk, during his time leaning against his wooden desk late at night, during his time as he laid flat against his bed. Against his bed, late at night, and he'd somehow make his way back into his head.
When his hand managed to reach his waist, his breathes grew shallower, loosening at the feeling as he remained kneeled, hands behind his lower body. His eyes remained closed as he felt him run his fingers against his side, brushing them against his waist as he, in the matter of seconds, shifted his movements.
His eyes gradually fluttered open when he felt him, shift enough so that he was now running his hand against the last piece of clothing covering him, covering his lower body. Brushing them against the thin fabric, running them slowly across the waistband.
" tell me sieun, what do you want, " he muttered beside him, voice low as he remained inches away from the side of his face.
And he just kept moving, kept shifting his hand against his lower body. Pressing them against the thin fabric, lazily running them along the waistband as Sieun's mind only grew more cloudy.
But despite how dysfunctional his mind seemed, he was able to clearly process it, when it felt it. When he felt him shift, now lowering his movements as he ran his hand, ran his fingers down against his crotch, slowly. Slowly ran his fingers down against him, directly, through the thin fabric that felt as if it were tightening each second.
That managed to drag a noise out of him, over his shallow breathes as he sat there, chest rising back and forth against his. And as soon as he hit the bottom, as soon as his fingers reached below his lower body, his movements only continued. Never stopped as he, in seconds, ran his hand back upward, lazily pressing his fingers down against him as he brushed his hand against the soft fabric.
But worse, way worse, was when his upper body shifted.
When he went from being inches away from the side of his face to pressing his lips against him, in the matter of seconds. Sieun was barely able to process it when he leaned forward, lips barely brushing up against his ear, each one of his breathes hitting him hard.
And when he heard his voice, felt it---heard it clearly, so clear, that it made his mind go blank for almost a second.
" tell me what you need, " he muttered into his ear, barely a whisper as his lips pressed against him, movements never stopping.
Two fingers, two fingers was all it took for him to break in seconds, to make it seem as if he could collapse any minute. Two fingers that he, was running directly against him, slowly trailing lower as he dragged them back upward.
Just those two fingers and his mind grew worse, the feeling spiking. His lower body was shuddering, barely noticeable as he, only continued, never stopped. Faint noises were escaping his lips as his breathes grew more ragged, chests brushing against each other. And the other hand? The one resting against his waist, never stood still. He kept moving, kept shifting at the slowest pace possible as he, held his fingers still as he softly gripped his waist, lazily brushing his thumb against his smooth skin in circles.
But despite how blurry, how foggy his mind felt, he knew clearly what he had to do. He had to say something, anything. A word, a letter, anything that he could possibly grasp. And with his wrists being held back against his lower body, with him tensing his fingers as the metal rings hung around him, he couldn't even do anything.
Couldn't place his hand against his, couldn't tug his grip away from him, couldn't pull his hand back. That, managed to only worsen the feeling as he remained there, kneeled above him.
Through his shallow, yet ragged breathes, one word managed to barely escape his lips, to barely come out as a breath.
" you, . " he said shallowly, barely a whisper as the word faded into a breath, eyes fluttering open and closed.
Just that one word, and it said everything. Said it clearly---atleast to him, he thought it did.
Everything about it, everything surrounding that one word---it was true. Genuine, nothing but the truth. During those hours, the full hour he spent doing nothing but avoiding, him? He didn't even realize, couldn't even realize it, but he needed, that. Needed something like, this, needed him, from the start.
And after nothing but him, driving him insane, each one of his slow, unbearable movements making his mind grow blurrier, he finally stopped. Rested his fingers against the soft fabric as he stilled, slowly shifted his upperbody back a bit.
He closed his eyes as soon as his movements stopped, breathing shallowly as his head remained tilted downward. But only seconds after he had said that word, after it had barely, managed to slip passed his lips, did Seongje make the room around them shift.
Gaze fixed below him, his eyes slowly fluttered open when he felt him, suddenly hook his fingers around the waistband, bringing both of his hands over as he gripped against the sides of the thin fabric. He stared down, watching in awe as he, slowly tugged the last piece of clothing downward, slowly pulling it down as he ran one of his hands along his thigh before urging him to lift his leg up.
Sieun did. He let him slide the thin piece of clothing off as he did the same with the others, as he did with his blazer, his collared shirt. Reaching his arms out behind him, he slowly slid it off of him, throwing it somewhere beside them down against the wooden floor.
Second after he did so, he leaned forward, pressing his upper body into his as his face remained beside Sieun's. That, was only until he shifted again, moved close enough so that he, was pressing his lips against the side of his face, grazing them against his soft skin.
He stilled when he felt it, felt each one of the shallow breathes hitting directly against his face, his skin.
But when he brought his arms back towards him, towards his lower body below them, his eyes immediately reopened in seconds. In seconds, and he was now running his fingers against him, directly. At the most slowest pace possible, running the same two fingers against him, starting from his lower body and trailing upwards.
He shut his eyes tight at the feeling, a shallow noise barely escaping his lips as he did, that. Did something as unbearable as that. Through his blurry mind, he managed to barely, hear the words, his voice at the back of his head.
" be more specific, " he said sternly, voice barely a whisper as his lips brushed up against the side of his face.
And he kept going, didn't stop. Slowly dragged his fingers up, running them along his length, inching closer towards.
But when he hit it, when he finally managed to reach it, it only made it worse. His lower body shuddered, eyes fluttering open and closed, a ragged noise barely escaping his lips, when he felt him slow the two fingers down. Slow them down once he hit it, and immediately, press his thumb down against him, directly, slowly brushing his thumb forward against the tip, pressing down firmly.
Slowly, he brushed his thumb forward against him, at the slowest pace possible. Every subtle movement, every second that he, did that---it made the feeling spike in seconds, grow worse. But he titled his head down a bit at the feeling, the strong feeling that barely lasted for a second, that felt like he'd break into pieces any second. And as soon as he slid his thumb forward enough, Sieun praying that he'd pull back, he was nowhere near close to doing any of that. He did the exact opposite, slowly dragging his thumb back, firmly pressing it down against him as he continued brushing his two fingers along him.
Two days, two distinct days of nothing. Three days straight at least, of nothing. But now, three days later and he's doing something like, this, doing something as, intolerable, as this. He felt like he'd burst into pieces any second, his body shuddering by the slightest each time he shifted.
Each and every second, that he, shifted---that he slowly brushed his thumb forward and back, pressing firmly down against the slit ; that he slowly ran his fingers against his length, lazily brushing them against him ; that he grazed his lips against his skin, against his face as the heat of each one attacked his body. He wanted him to stop, needed him to stop, so bad, that it hurt. But he couldn't do anything, couldn't move an inch, couldn't shove the hand that was driving him insane each second, away.
And with his mind spiralling, growing more foggy with each one of his slow movements, he barely got a word out. He opened his mouth to say it, but all that came out were shallow, ragged breathes, tensing his eyes shut whenever he'd feel him, run his thumb forward, trailing it back.
Tensing his fingers behind him, closing his eyes tight as if it could help, one word managed to escape him.
" your, . " he said in between a shallow noise, over his ragged breathes as his chest rose back and forth against his.
But his mind was occupied, too faded to even gather the words to finish the sentence. It grew worse, grew worse each and every second that passed, each second that passed of him, continuesly running his fingers, his thumb, against him.
Seconds later and he, reacted, responded in seconds as his lips remained pressed against the side of his face, brushing up against his skin.
And after that word, that word that barely, managed to leave him---did his movements stop, did that word have an impact? It didn't, not even close, as he only continued, going at the slowest, most harsh pace possible.
" hm? " he hummed underneath his breath, against the side of his face as he continued.
He knew that he, wanted him to say it. Wanted to hear it, wanted to hear him say the words. And for Seongje---that's exactly what he wanted. What he wanted so badly, what he was trying so hard to urge him, to do. One word wasn't anywhere near enough, not even close, as he waited, pressed directly into him.
But he couldn't, Sieun couldn't even find the strength to gather the right words as his mind continued growing more blurry as seconds passed. The movements, his slow movements against him only made it worse, amplifying it.
His eyes gradually fluttered open, a shallow gasp escaping his lips when he, finally stilled. When his movements, his harsh movements came to a halt, slowed down and stopped as he rested his fingers against him. Something, a wave of something---relief---flowed through him the second he felt him stop.
His eyes were shut tight, breathes growing less ragged as he heard his voice, felt it directly against him.
" you can't say it, but your bodys' saying it for you, " he said beside him, lips barely grazing against his face as his voice remained low.
He was too lost, too occupied to even process what he was saying, but he was right. Completely right, not a hint of wrong in those words six distinct words.
" saying it so fucking clearly sieun, " he added, his voice growing more hoarse by the seconds.
They managed to reopen, though, fluttering open when he felt him shift. With his hand, his fingers still resting directly against him, he felt him bring his other hand towards his upper body.
Seconds later and he felt him, slide it onto his head, slowly running his fingers through his soft hair until he came to a stop. He stilled at the feeling, breathes shallow as his chest slowly rose back and forth against his. Almost suddenly, though, he felt him tighten his grip against the strands as he, made him tilt his head downward. Made him face below him, slowly pushing his head down to face the area below him.
" just see how fucking hard you are, " he suddenly said against him, lips pressed against the side of his face before pulling back enough to face below them.
He wasn't looking, couldn't look with his hand just resting there, his fingers resting still, against him, taunting him. But only after a few seconds, did he catch them shift, barely. His lips parted, wincing underneath his breath when he, slowly began dragging his finger up against his length, brushing his nail against him, directly.
His eyes closed shut at the feeling of him, practically scraping his finger against him at the slowest pace possible. Only for a few seconds, for a few seconds was his lower body shuddering as he dragged his finger upwards. But after those cruel seconds he stilled, finally came to a halt.
And after minutes, minutes of nothing but him doing that, dragging his fingers against him at the slowest pace, he pulled back. Finally released the hand that was driving him insane by the seconds, as he immediately kept it close. His eyes remained closed as he felt him, place his hand against his lower body as he began trailing it upwards, slowly brushing his fingers against his smooth skin.
It trailed upwards, slowly sliding along his skin as it brushed across his chest, inching closer toward his neck. With his eyes closed at the feeling---the warmth, his touch---they gradually reopened when he felt him reach his neck, before running them onto his chin, brushing them against his face as he slowly slid his thumb onto his bottom lip. With the other fingers pressed against the bottom of his chin, he slowly made him shift, tilting his head upwards as he held his grip against him.
Sieun's gaze that was previously faced below him for what felt longer that it should've, shifted, as he faced him. Faced him as they remained inches away from each other---Seongje leaned back against the headboard of the bed as Sieun remained kneeled against the soft mattress, against him. He shuddered, barely noticeably when he felt him press down against his bottom lip, softly, lazily shifting his thumb against him. And he'd almost forgotten that his hand, the other hand was placed against his head, when he barely felt him tighten his grip around the strands.
He watched, watched in awe as he eyed him, eyes shifting between his lips and his eyes. And the look, the look that he was giving him made him want to turn away, to close his eyes. But he couldn't, couldn't even last a second without seeing the way that he, was looking at him. He exhaled shallowly underneath his breath when he felt him shift, running his two fingers across the skin along his face before hitting his bottom lip, holding them still for nothing more than a second.
Nothing more than a second before Sieun's eyes fluttered closed, parting his lips as he, pushed them forward, slowly brushing them passed his warm lips as they hit his tongue. He pressed his lips down against his fingers as he closed his eyes, tilting his head down a bit. And seconds later? Seconds later and he, was shifting, shifting his mouth against him mindlessly. Slowly moving his head back and forth against his fingers, eyes closed shut as he ran his tongue along them without a thought.
And Seongje, who kept his eyes locked on him the entire time, just sat there. Sat there against the mattress as he, kneeled above him. Kneeled directly against him, inches away from his waist, his lower body shifting slightly due to his slow movements. Feeling him, seeming him like this, feeling the warmth of his tongue against his fingers, the softness of it---he couldn't even look away as shallow, yet heavy breathes escaped his lips.
Mindlessly, he continued doing that, doing as something as desperate, as this. His eyes, the eyes that were closed shut, managed to gradually flutter open when he suddenly felt him tighten his grip against the strands of his hair and tilt his head downwards, enough to face their lower bodies. He slowed his movements down as he felt him release his grip against his hair, running his hand through the strands before bringing it below them. And in seconds, he, slid it onto his crotch, lowered it onto him, directly.
" see what you do to me? " he said suddenly, voice hoarse as his face remained inches away from Sieun's.
In seconds, and he was moving his hand against him, directly against him, pushing it down against the fabric of his jeans, lazily rolling his waist back and forth.
His eyes were on the verge of closing as he watched, watched with his mouth frozen against his fingers, watched with his lips pressed down against him. Watched because if he looked away, what would happen. What could happen if he looked away and everything shattered into millions of pieces, faded away in seconds.
He, leaned his upper body forward enough, enough so that his face was inches, lips barely grazing against the side of his face, as he only continued moving his hand, pressing it down against the rough fabric.
" see what your making me do, making me fucking touch myself, " he said beside him, voice low and ragged.
His breathes, the breathes that were hitting against the side of his face, only grew more heavier as seconds passed. Seconds passing with nothing but him lazily sucking against his fingers, slowly running his tongue along them. Nothing but him, shifting his hand against him, pushing it back and forth against his crotch that remained inches, away from Sieun's lower body.
And when he felt him press his chest forward, more firmly against him. When he felt him lean close enough to brush his warm lips against the side of his face, to make it so each one of his ragged breathes were catching against his skin---his heart skipped a beat.
" i can't even stand it sieun, can't stand it with you driving me fucking insane like this, " he muttered against him, directly against the side of his face as his voice grew more hoarse.
For nothing more than a second did he lean close enough to say those words, to mutter those sixteen words directly against his skin.
His eyes fluttered closed when he felt him pull back, shift back against the mattress as he leaned his upperbody back against the headboard. Each second, each second that passed and Sieun continued. Continued without a single thought in his head, continued sucking down against his fingers, the fingers that were now barely, shuddering inside of his mouth as he ran his tongue against them,
His mind completely blank because of him. Completely blurred, fogged up because of him, inches away from him. Inches away from him as he only grew louder, faint groans escaping his lips as he continued pressing his hand firmly against the rough fabric along his crotch, holding his two fingers against his mouth. He didn't even need to watch, to open his weary eyes to see how desperate he, must've been.
He could feel it, hear it clearly.
Could feel him shifting his lower body as he remained kneeled against him, could feel him lazily rocking his hips back and forth in the most subtle way possible. Could hear him growing louder by the seconds, letting out faint groans over his heavy breathes.
And after what felt like longer than it should've, nothing but him closing his eyes shut as he continued without a thought, he felt him finally, slowly drag his fingers out of his mouth. He, slowly pulled his hand back as his fingers brushed passed his lips, the two fingers glistening with saliva as the faint orange light casted a glow. With his lips parted, he breathed shallowly as he felt him shift his hand off of himself and run it onto his waist, brushing his fingers against his smooth skin before tightening his grip.
But with his gaze fixed below him, with his head tilted enough to face the area below him, his eyes widened by the slightest when he saw him lower his hand. Saw him shift his hand downwards, lowering it closer towards his, lower body.
He watched as he was seconds, seconds away from bringing them below him, lowering the two fingers underneath him,
Until something shredded through the silence that hung over them.
Almost at random, during one of the worst times possible, the sound of something vibrating against the wooden floor, slightly muffled, blared through the room. Tilting his head upwards, he faced Seongje as he watched him lean his upperbody to the side, leaning over the edge as his hand remained still. He caught him barely, furrow his brows at whatever the noise must've been coming from before turning to face him, for nothing more than a second, locking eyes.
He stared, watched in awe as he, brought his hand over and reached downwards passed the edge of the bed, leaning over to grab something off of the wooden floor. He could feel him, tightening his grip against his waist with the other hand as he leaned over the edge.
And seconds later, he leaned back toward the side as he brought it over towards him. Brought his phone, Sieun's phone, just below his face as he narrowed his eyes at it, the phone vibrating every second. The same phone that he, put on silent hours ago, that he stared at for minutes on end, tensing his fingers around the sides.
Sieun watched as he gripped the restless phone, staring at it for a few seconds, his expression nowhere near readable. But that changed, completely shattered when he, leaned forward enough. Close enough so that he, was directly inches away from the side of his face, his shallow breathes catching against his skin. And as he leaned forward, he shifted his hand so that he turned the phone around to face him, to face the screen toward Sieun as he brought it up just below his face.
And when his eyes met the dimly lit screen, when he saw the contact lined across the screen inches away from his face, he stilled.
His breath got caught in his throat as he remained there, frozen, staring at the dim screen. It kept ringing, kept vibrating restlessly between Seongje's grasp as he held it below his face, still. But his heart dropped, eyes widening when he saw him, bring his thumb over toward the dim screen. Saw him, inches away from button, seconds away from pressing his finger down against it.
He opened his mouth, parted his lips to try and get a word out, to say something. But he couldn't, couldn't say a word as his breathes grew more ragged. And seconds later?
Seconds later and the screen was washed away, washed away as the four numbers lined the top of it,
| 00 : 01
And almost immediately, it picked up through the dim phone. Came through clearly, as the phone remained inches away from his face, the contact lined against the top of the screen.
But before he could even take a second to process the noises coming through the phone---loud conversations, people seeming as if they were cheering, yelling countless times in the background---his upper body shuddered when felt him, shift closer. When he felt him, without any hesitation, begin pressing his lips down against the side of his neck, sucking down against his skin for seconds, slowly flicking his tongue against his side.
A shallow gasp escaped his lips as he stared down at the dim screen, tensing each second as he tried to turn his head to the side to atleast, get him to stop. But it did nothing, wasn't even close to having an impact as he only pressed closer into him, bringing his other hand to wrap around the back of his neck, chests pressed against one another as he continued sucking down against his soft skin, pressing his lips down, repeating all over.
His heart dropped when he heard it, heard his voice come through clear, so clear that he froze. And when he said his name, practically yelled it, it only made it worse.
| " sieun! gotak and baku's team won the tournament! "
| " we're going to go celebrate and you should come with us! are you free? "
Juntae said almost suddenly, seeming as if he were out of breath as his voice remained elate.
He tensed his eyes shut when he heard those words, the sound of people yelling in the background, cheering countless times over and over as it picked up clearly.
The voice, the way he sounded---it made him feel so, guilty. Guilty, that he was calling him like, this. But he wasn't even the one who picked up, in the first place. Wasn't even close to doing something like that, to even answering the call. And worse, was that he couldn't even do anything. Had no options other than speaking, than talking, as his hands remained tensing behind his lower body. He couldn't grab the phone and press his finger against the screen to end the call, he couldn't of even done that, in the first place.
But in this situation?
Talking in this situation, getting a single word out seemed impossible, nowhere near doable. And with him, inches away from him, pressed so firmly against him so that he could feel the heat attacking his body. With him, digging his fingers into the back of his neck, continously pressing his lips down against his skin, sucking against it as he only grew more rough as seconds passed.
The seconds following that, following the question he had asked, were unbearable. Nothing but faint shouts picking up and loud cheers as Sieun remained quiet. Remained completely silent, not knowing what to do, breathing shallowly as he tried any attempt to steady his breathes.
But when he heard his voice again, it was enough to make him barely, come back to his senses.
| " hello? sieun? "
Juntae said suddenly after a few seconds of silence, his voice lined with a questioning tone as loud cheers picked up from the background.
He shut his eyes tight, closing them shut as if it could help. And as hard as he tried to get a word out, anytime his mouth would open to say something, a shallow breath would leave his lips. His mind couldn't even take a second to find the words, to figure out what to say, how to say it.
They barely managed to reopen when he felt him, finally pull back, shift forward as his lips left warm marks all along the side of his neck. He stilled when he felt the heat of his breathes against him, shifting close enough so that his lips were brushing up against his ear, the silence growing more tense.
" tell him your busy, " he muttered into his ear, lips pressed against him as his voice remained barely a whisper.
He gasped inaudibly underneath his breath when he felt it, heard his voice directly against him. But despite it, he managed to find the right words, to barely, get them out as he breathed shallowly.
His gaze hit the dim screen as his lips parted, mouth opening as four, distinct words managed to barely escape his lips.
" i'm sorry, i can't, " he said blankly, trying any attempt to steady his breathes, any attempt to sound normal, at least.
He closed his eyes shut after the words left his mouth, after staying silent without a choice for longer than he should've. But as soon as they managed to barely leave his lips, the feeling exploded throughout him. That feeling that attacks your body as soon as you do something like, this, as soon as you lie willingly to someone without hesitation. Guilt, attacked him all over, making him tense as he remained frozen, breathing shallowly.
Seconds of silence passed, seconds of the ambience of cheering, faint yells.
| " oh, no worries! i understand, "
Juntae said almost immediately after a few seconds, his voice still energetic as he remained loud.
That, atleast managed to die the sharp feeling down a bit as he reopened his eyes to face the dim screen. But despite it, he still felt horrible for doing, this. For even talking to him, being forced to talk to someone like Juntae, as he remained, here. Remained kneeled against him, not a single piece of clothing covering him as they, minutes ago, were doing things he couldn't even take a second to process.
He knew he needed to say something else, though, to atleast lessen the gravity of the situation. So he parted his lips, opened his mouth as the words managed to come out with ease.
" can you tell them i said con-- " he said suddenly, voice low as he faced the dimly lit screen beneath him.
The last word faded into a breath when he heard the sounds of cheering grow louder, practically piercing through the silence that hung over them.
| " yeah! i gotta go sieun but i'll see you soon okay! "
Juntae said hastily, loud enough to overlap the noises blaring in the background.
And with one last second of the loud shouts coming through the dim phone, it went silent. Went silent in seconds as it hung up after what felt like an eternity, nothing but him hoping, that he'd hang up any second.
When the screen washed away, he shut his eyes tight, a heavy exhale escaping his lips as he tilted his head downwards. It was like he was being held at gunpoint, being seconds away from getting shot, when it finally ended. And it wasn't even a question whether or not he felt relieved, felt as if he'd just escaped, barely.
With his head tilted downwards, his eyes fluttered open when he felt him shift his arm, throw the dimly lit phone back down onto the pile of scattered clothes against the wooden floor. And seconds later, he heard him laugh, let out a faint laugh directly beside him.
" wow sieun, you had a good poker face, hm? " he said suddenly beside him, inches away from the side of his face, a slight smile lined across it.
His eyes were shut tight as he remained still, chest rising back and forth against his as the feeling gradually died down, that feeling that was boiling inside of him the second he pressed his finger down against the dim screen.
The grip around his neck, the fingers that were digging into his skin gradually loosened as he felt him, lower his hand behind him, trailing it down and stilling once he hit his waist. Almost at random, he heard him suddenly click his tongue underneath his breath, inches away from the side of his face.
" i should've shoved my fingers inside you, should've made you moan my name, " he said beside him, voice low and hoarse as his grip tightened against him.
He wasn't even processing the words slipping out of his mouth as he sat there, eyes fluttering open and closed. But as soon as he shifted, as soon as he felt him press firmer into him, his eyes reopened.
Each ragged breath that left Seongje hit him hard, directly against the side of his face as he, leaned close enough to press his lips against his skin, to barely brush his warm lips against the side of his face.
" make that bitch jealous of how lucky you are, " he muttered against his skin, barely a whisper as his voice grew more hoarse.
He closed his eyes shut as he felt the words catch against the side of his face. Every time, every single time he did something like, that---it was enough to make his mind go blank in seconds, to make him feel something in his lower body.
And after remaining still for long enough, remaining pressed tightly against him, he, finally leaned back. A cool wind of air caught against his chest as the warmth faded, faded in seconds as he, leaned back enough so that they were inches away. With his gaze still faced below him, he barely managed to catch him bring one of his hands toward his upper body, his face, his lips. He stared, watched in awe as he brought his hand towards his mouth, and in seconds, spit onto his fingers---the same two fingers that were seconds away, inches away from reaching him before the phone blared.
He watched for barely a second as he lowered his hand, reaching underneath his lower body, before he leaned back forward to close the distance in between them. His eyes that were previously on the verge of closing were shut tightly when he felt it. Felt him, suddenly press his fingers against him, directly against his entrance as he pressed them down in slow, circular motions. That managed to drag a noise out of his lips, a shallow moan as his breathes grew heavier each second that passed.
Each second that passed of him, doing that. Pressing his two fingers against him, firmly against him as his movements only seemed to grow slower each second. Each second that his shallow breathes hit against the side of his neck, each time he felt the heat of it attack him like fire.
And after minutes, minutes on end of nothing but them sitting still, shifting occasionally. Nothing but him, waiting, Sieun waiting for him to do something, saying words that he'd hope would have an impact. Nothing but minutes on end of the feeling growing stronger, flushing his mind of any thoughts, urging his body to react, to do something,
He finally felt it, felt it so suddenly, that his eyes barely shot open.
His head tilted upwards uncontrollably as a noise managed to escape his lips, a ragged moan, as his lower body shuddered at the feeling. The feeling of him, slowly pushing his fingers upward, brushing passed him as they immediately, began moving. Began moving at a pace fast enough to make his eyes shut tight, rolling his fingers against him, pressing deeper towards that one area.
And when he did hit it? When his fingers managed to press against, brush firmly in continuous motions against that area---it was enough for his mind to go blank.
For his lower body to seem as if it could give out on him any second, for it to seem as if he could collapse down onto the mattress any moment. But as soon as he, shifted, it only made the chances spike. Seconds later and he, was now pressing his warm lips against his neck, flicking his tongue against his sensitive skin before sucking down, repeating all along the side of his neck. He closed his eyes shut at the feeling, tilting his head upward as he breathed raggedly, soft moans barely slipping passed his lips whenever he felt him press against that area.
And he didn't even notice it, couldn't even realize it until he felt the feeling growing stronger. Almost as if it were being amplified, having a much larger effect than it should've. But he didn't care, couldn't care as he was too lost in the feeling, his noises only growing louder the more stronger the feeling felt.
Only after a few seconds, a few hazy seconds of him closing his eyes shut, did he barely manage to realize. To notice that he, unconsciously, was moving against him, shifting his lower body against the two fingers that continued moving. That he, uncontrollably, was rolling his waist back and forth lazily, trying any possible attempt to match his movements, to give his body what it needed.
But when he did realize, when he noticed it?
He didn't even care, didn't even take a second to care as he did the opposite of what he should've. Did the exact opposite, of what would've felt right, what seemed like the decision he, would make. He only continued, kept lazily rolling his lower body back and forth against him in the most subtle way possible. Each subtle movement only strengthened the feeling, made it so he, continuously brushed his fingers against that one area, constantly pressed them down, firmly rubbing them against it at a pace.
His eyes were closed tight, head tilted upwards as ragged breathes escaped his parted lips. And in the back of his head, he could barely, hear his voice. Feel it against him.
" your so needy, " he said against him, lips pressed against the skin along his neck, voice low as a faint smile curled around his mouth.
His voice sounded muffled, tucked toward the back of his mind as his chest rose restlessly back and forth. Each subtle movement, each barely noticeable movement and the feeling would explode inside of him, hit him hard. And he couldn't get enough, couldn't get enough of, this.
Couldn't get enough of, him---of his lips, his warm lips grazing against the side of his neck, sucking down, flicking his tongue against his sensitive skin ; of his movements, the two fingers continously brushing back and forth against the area that hit him the hardest ; of his hand, the fingers digging into the side of his waist, growing tighter each second as he let him, continue moving against him without a thought.
And he didn't even know what made him do it when he lowered his head and tilted it enough to the side, eyes fluttering open and closed as he faced it. In seconds, and he was now leaning forward, shifting enough so that he could reach it. And without any hesitation whatsoever, he parted his lips and pressed them down against him, pressed them into the side of his neck, sucking down against his skin as his nosies grew muffled.
He barely, managed to feel him, react. To feel his upper body shudder for nothing more than a second, to hear him, feel him grunt underneath his breath as his lips remained inches away from the side of Sieun's neck. He breathed heavily through his nose as he did, that, did something as unexpected, as this. His mind was too occupied to even rethink his actions, to even take a second to process them.
Only seconds after he started doing that, did Seongje shift. Never even stopping his movements, Sieun felt him lean back, lean his upper body back against the head board as he ran his hand across his back, brushing his fingers against his smooth skin before hitting the back of his neck. Sieun shifted forward as he felt him, push him closer, close enough so that their chests were pressed firmly against one another.
Barely, he could feel him tightening his grip against the back of his neck, digging his fingers into his skin as his breathes grew more louder, more ragged.
" shit, " he huffed underneath his breath, breathing raggedly as faint groans escaped his lips.
His eyes were shut tightly, breathing heavily through his nose as he continued sucking down against his skin, keeping his lips pressed down against him, each one of his nosies coming out muffled, faint.
Each movement, each second and he'd press against that area, rub his fingers firmly against it. And he only kept moving, too. Sieun kept moving without a single thought, lazily rolling his lowerbody against the two fingers as his legs trembled.
Beside him, directly beside him, inches away from the side of his face he heard his voice. Drowned out through his hazy mind.
" harder sieun, don't stop doing that, " he muttered inbetween heavy breathes, letting out faint groans as the words faded into nothing but a breath.
He wasn't processing what he was saying, couldn't even hear his words through his head. But uncontrollably, he was doing that.
Doing exactly that as the feeling only grew stronger, unconsciously sucking down harder against his skin, tensing his fingers around the smooth metal handcuffs behind his lower body.
With his eyes closed tightly, completely shut as he breathed heavily through his nose, they managed to shoot open when he felt it, so suddenly that it made his entire lower body shudder in seconds.
The lips that, seconds ago, were pressed firmly against the skin along his neck immediately pulled back as a loud noise escaped his throat, tilting his head down as he leaned it against, his, shoulder. It sent a shockwave through his entire body when he, suddenly slid a third finger in, brushed it passed him as he pressed it deeper, continuing his movements.
His forehead was pressed against the smooth skin along his shoulder he shut his eyes tight, breathing restlessly as his chest brushed up against his, ragged noises escaping his lips. In the span of seconds and the feeling spiked, grew stronger, so strong, that his legs were shuddering uncontrollably at the feeling. His noises only grew louder, piercing through the silence as he, finally stopped moving, stilled his movements as Seongje only continued.
" is this what you wanted hm? what you couldn't stop thinking about? " he said suddenly, lips grazing against the side of his neck as his ragged breathes hit him.
His voice was completely drowned out, the only thing he could process being the feeling. The feeling of his ragged breathes catching against his skin, each one growing hotter than the one before. The feeling of his movements, of his calculated movements that with each subtle shift, dragged a noise out of his throat.
And only after a few more firm movements, nothing more than a second of him rolling his fingers against him,
He, finally slowed his paced movements down, stilling as he slowly dragged his fingers out, brushing passed him in seconds. Sieun winced underneath his breath at how sudden it felt, breathing shakily against his shoulder as the feeling gradually died down. Seconds later, only seconds later and his body began to ache.
His eyes closed shut as shaky breathes escaped his lips, forehead pressed against his shoulder as his lower body gradually stilled.
" shit your already so fucking wet, it's like you were waiting for this, " Seongje said after a few seconds, voice low as a faint laugh barely escaped his lips.
They fluttered open, though, when he felt him suddenly run the hand against his neck back around toward his chest, slowly pressing down against him as he urged him to lean back. With his body barely shuddering, he leaned back as he pressed against his chest, head remaining tilted down as shaky breathes escaped his lips.
He barely managed to catch Seongje shift, lean close enough so that he was facing the side of his face, inches away.
" were you, hm? " he said suddenly, voice low as he faced Sieun, eyebrows raised.
Seconds, seconds passed of him sitting there as his body only grew worse, continued aching as each second grew harsher. Seconds, of nothing but him, inches away from him, waiting, eyeing him.
He knew he needed to say something, to do something at least. So with shaky exhales escaping his lips, he barely managed to nod his head, slightly enough as it lasted for only a few seconds. The question, that question he asked. He didn't even care to think about it, to process it as the feeling grew harsher. In seconds, he heard him laugh faintly underneath his breath, inches away from him.
" never knew you were so dirty sieun, " he added, voice low as a faint smile lined his face.
He shut his eyes, shut them closed when the feeling seemed to grow stronger. The ache in his lower body, the feeling, the strong feeling that began boiling inside of him and faded away in seconds, when his movements stopped.
" makes me wonder what you think about at night, against your bed, " he said beside him, voice lined with a questioning tone, inches beside him.
Sieun sat there, sat there still with his head tilted slightly downwards, breathes gradually growing more shallow as seconds passed. But seconds, seconds later and his eyes fluttered open. Barely reopened when he leaned close enough, pressed firmly into him as his lips brushed up against the side of his face, each breath catching against it.
The words, the seven words that left his warm lips, that were said directly against him, only made the feeling worse.
" do you touch yourself to me, hm? " he said against him, lips pressed against his skin as his voice remained low, demanding.
Sieun didn't react. Didn't say anything, didn't say a word, didn't nod. He just stood still with his lower body shuddering slightly, barely noticeable as he sat there, against him, against the mattress.
His eyes, the eyes that were previously open fluttered shut when he felt him suddenly place his other hand against his waist, the warmth of it making a shallow exhale leave his lips. It shifted, slowly trailed higher as he ran his fingers along his skin, brushing his hand up against his side, inching closer towards his chest.
But when he heard his voice, when he heard the words that left his lips, he closed his eyes tight, tensed them shut as if it could help.
" tell me all about it sieun, i wanna hear everything, every single fucking bit of it, " he suddenly said, lips pressed against his face, voice growing more hoarse as it remained barely a whisper.
Those words, the stack of words that hit against the side of his face, against his skin, made his heart drop.
His mind was nowhere near clear, near functionable as he remained still, breathes growing more heavy. He couldn't even take a second to think, to gather words, to even process what he, was saying. And with the ache, the strong ache in his lower body only growing worse? His eyes were shut tight, breathing heavily as he, only made it worse.
As his lips, his slow movements against the side of his chest, how each of his breathes made it nowhere near possible.
" i can't, . " he barely managed to say, the words barely coming out as a shaky breath as his chest rose back and forth.
His eyes were shut tight as his breathes only grew more ragged, trying any, possible attempt to die down the feeling. But any attempt did nothing, as it only grew stronger, making it feel as if he'd break into pieces any second.
Seconds, seconds that felt longer than they should've passed as he, finally shifted. Shifted back so that his lips weren't repetitively grazing against his skin, so that his chest wasn't pressed firmly against his, the heat attacking his body. The eyes that were shut tight managed to gradually open when he felt him, run his hand across his chest, sliding it onto the back of his neck, brushing his fingers against his skin as the other remained rested against his waist.
A shallow gasp escaped his mouth when he, seconds later, leaned close enough. Close enough so that in seconds, their mouths clashed, his gasp being swallowed by him. Slowly, he pressed his warm lips down against his, deep enough so that Sieun melted into it, firm enough so that he shut his eyes tight when he felt his tongue push deeper. The fingers brushing against the back of his neck grew tighter, digging into his skin as this, lasted for only a few seconds.
As it faded away in seconds when he, stilled his deep movements and slowly pulled back. Slowly pulled back barely, so that his lips remained grazing against his, both of them letting out heavy, yet shallow breathes.
His breathes managed to still, when he felt it, felt the words directly against him.
" tell me sieun, tell me and i'll give you what you need, " he said softly, lips brushing up against his as his voice remained barely a whisper.
He shut his eyes tight, tensed them shut as he managed to barely, process what he had said. His mind was nowhere near searching for what to say, what words to use, as he remained frozen. Completely still against him, closing his eyes as he felt everything.
All of it. The fingers that were slowly tightening against the back of his neck, digging into his skin. The lips, his lips that were barely, grazing against his, each one of his shallow breathes crashing against his.
And despite knowing that he had to say something, to do something, he remained quiet. Silent, couldn't even take a second to gather the strength to get a word out as the feeling only grew worse each second. A gasp, a shallow gasp barely escaped his lips when he felt him, suddenly part his lips as bite down against his bottom lip. Slowly, he bit down on it, soft enough that it didn't send a wave of pain through his body. He tensed his eyes shut as his upper body shuddered, when he did that, did it for barely a second.
When he pulled back, slowly pulled back, his lips didn't move an inch. Didn't shift, didn't move. Stayed pressed against his, directly against his as each of his breathes only felt hotter than the one before, the heat of it hitting him hard.
" say it, " he purred against his lips, voice barely a whisper that faded into a shallow breath.
Each second of him staying still, not moving an inch, not doing anything. It only made it worse, way worse than it should've been. All he had to do was one thing, one thing that he knew, he could do in seconds. He's done it before, did it countless times, four at most.
But now? During one of the times he needed it the most, he was doing, this. Whatever this was, as he stood still, waiting. Watching, eyeing him as his lips remained pressed against his.
With his eyes tensed shut, the word, the one word barely, managed to escape his lips.
" you, . " he said shallowly, lips grazing against his as the word came out as nothing but a shaky exhale.
The word, that one word that seemed impossible to say, didn't have an impact. Wasn't even close to doing anything, to lessening the situation.
All he heard, all he felt was a deep exhale, one sounding almost frustrated, as Sieun remained still.
" you said that before, i wanna hear something else, " he said against him, voice barely a whisper as he pressed his lips against his.
His fingers, the hands held frozen behind his back tensed as he breathed shakily. One word and it barely managed to escape his lips, to leave him.
But despite how faded his mind felt, how heavy his head seemed, he knew exactly what he, wanted him to say. What he wanted to hear, what words he wanted to hear so bad, that it hurt. And he didn't understand it, couldn't understand why he, was doing this. Doing something as cruel, as unbearable as this as his movements only continued. The hand, the hand against the back of his neck, the fingers that were digging into his skin, the heat that was radiating through his body. The other, the other against his waist, the fingers that gradually tightened against his side, the thumb that continuesly, brushed up against his skin, pressing firmly against him, each subtle movement having much larger of an impact than it should've.
And he didn't even move, didn't move an inch. Didn't pull back, wouldn't pull back as he stayed there, waiting. Watching everything, watching every single second of it, each of his breathes crashing against him.
Four words that he barely, managed to gather the strength to say, slipped passed his lips. A breath, nothing but a breath against him.
" i wan't to feel it, . " he said against him, coming out as nothing but a shallow breath as the words faded into an exhale, his eyes shut tight.
Seconds, a second at most and it went silent. Rain still pattering restlessly against the window in the distance, the room still seemingly dim, barely illuminated.
But the silence shattered in seconds, broke into thousands of pieces when he, didn't care. Didn't even care, didn't even let those words, those four clear words get to him. The four words that barely managed to leave his lips didn't have an impact, wasn't even close, to having an effect.
" feel what, hm? feel this? " he said suddenly, voice low as he furrowed his brows at him, lips still grazing against his.
All he got, all he did, was a slight shift. Shifted barely, as he ran the hand that was gripped against the back of his neck down towards his chest, brushing against his skin, fingers trailing down toward his waist. It didn't stop, didn't stop once he hit it. It kept going, kept moving at the slowest pace possible as he, slowly ran his hand along his side, brushing his fingers against the side of his chest, pressing lazy circles into his skin as his thumb ran against him.
Eyes shut tight, closed as his mind felt like it could burst into pieces any second. And his voice. The tone, the way the words rolled off his tongue, the way he, made it seem as if he were oblivious. As if he had no clue what he, was trying to say, as if he didn't even care.
" is this what you want sieun? " he said against him, voice barely a whisper as a questioning tone lined it.
He wasn't even close, wasn't even near trying to get his mind to function. But he had to, it wasn't even a question. It was clear, too clear what he, was wanting him to say.
What he was wanting him to hear, what he was waiting for seconds on end, to hear. But saying something like, that? Saying something as, indescribable, as that. He couldn't even take a second to gather the right words, to think of any other possible way to say it.
He did, seconds ago. He said it, said it clearly enough for it to immediately have an impact. It should've had one. But it didn't, didn't have an effect on him, on Seongje. Wasn't even close to having an affect on him as he remained still, didn't move an inch. Nothing but his slow movements, his hand that brushed against the side of his chest, his lips that grew hotter each second, each breath crashing against him hard.
Seconds of his breathes growing ragged, eyes shut tight, his mind spinning countless times, the feeling about to boil over, and he said it.
Six words, six clear words that barely, even came out understandable. Hearable, as it slipped passed his lips between a ragged breath, a shallow exhale.
Six words that said it clearly. That made a feeling crash against his chest the second they left his mouth.
" i wan't you to fuck me, . i want y, " he barely, managed to say, the words coming out as a faded breath, the last word crumbling into a ragged exhale.
Six words and the room around them shifted in seconds.
In seconds, and he remained still, ragged breathes escaping his lips as he tensed his eyes shut, breathing directly against him. Against him, his lips, the lips that didn't move an inch. And for barely a second, for what felt like eternity, he didn't move, stayed frozen. His hand, the hand that was continuesly moving at the slowest pace possible, stilled, froze as it rested against the side of his chest.
But seconds later, only seconds later and he finally moved. The statue, the statue inches away from him, driving him insane each second that grew into hours, shattered into pieces. Faded into thin air as he, slowly pulled back. Pulled back enough so that he wasn't being hit by a heatwave every second, so that his warm lips, his breathes, weren't crashing against him.
His eyes were closed shut, closed tightly as shaky breathes escaped his lips. As seconds, seconds on end passed of the feeling only growing worse. And he didn't know why, couldn't take a second to understand why, but his entire upperbody shuddered when he felt him, suddenly brush his fingers against the bottom of his chin. Of him, suddenly pressing against him, slowly tilting his head up. Seconds, in seconds and their eyes locked.
Sieuns' eyes that were shut tight, tensed shut managed to barely, flutter open as he faced him, faced him as they remained inches away. Inches away and he saw everything. Saw all of it. The eyes, the barely narrowed eyes that were locked on his, eyeing him. The lips, the lips that remained parted, nothing but shallow breathes slipping passed them, as he stayed still. Frozen, nothing but them exchanging looks, Sieun's breathes growing shallower as seconds passed.
Another second passed, and the room shifted.
Completely shifted. But the impact, the impact it had wasn't as strong as it should've been, as Sieun was too lost to even take a second to process his words. Was too faded, his mind clouded to the brim, his body growing more demanding by the second.
But the four words, the four words that came out as nothing but a breath, made him still.
" do you love me, " Seongje said shallowly, the words fading into a shallow exhale, his voice low, as his eyes never left his.
Four words that crashed against his mind, that barely, were processed through his hazy mind.
- - -
Four words were all it took.
Four words that shouldn't have been said, that shouldn't have left his lips. Four words and one question, that never should've came out of his mouth in the first place.
Days, weeks, and he'd be throwing words at his face, asking the most unexpected questions,
| why the hell do you have your backpack this late,
| how the fuck do you wake up this early,
| you gonna take these off or should i,
| how's your head feeling,
| what are you doing,
| what time is it,
Words, words that would leave his lips as the most sudden times. Questions that he, would say without hesitation, without a second thought.
Minutes later, seconds, and the four words came out clear.
-
A feeling, he couldn't understand what, flooded his entire body.
Fear. Something along the lines of that, was what it could be classified as. What it felt like the second he, said those words. The second the words left his lips, the tone, the way he, said them. The way they slowly rolled of his tongue, how his voice remained low, barely a whisper.
His gaze fluttered away, shifted lower, low enough so that he, could see it. He didn't even need to look, couldn't look. But he could feel it, feel the way that he, was staring at him. Watching, watching everything, waiting. Waiting for him. Waiting for Sieun to do it, to say it.
When his eyes returned to his, they locked. Locked in seconds as he, nodded slightly, barely enough to last for a few seconds as he never took his eyes off him. A nod was all he could say, all his body would let him say as he breathed shakily, the feeling attacking his body all over. He watched, waited as he, reached in seconds.
As Seongje, shifted in seconds. Shifted his deep gaze off of him as he, suddenly leaned his upper over towards the edge of the bed, pulling back his hand that rested against his chin as he reached his arm out. Sieun's eyes fluttered closed as he remained there, closing them as if it could help. A wooden click, a faint metal sound, and he leaned back up towards his side, still holding his other hand tight against Sieun's waist.
His eyes fluttered open barely, when he felt him lean forward, pressing his warm chest against his, looking over his shoulder as he remained inches away from the side of his face. Despite how faded his mind felt, he managed to have a reaction when he, felt him suddenly wrap his fingers against his wrist, holding it softly as a quiet metal click sounded. He furrowed his brows as he felt it, suddenly felt the metal ring unlatch. Seconds later and another metal click, the second one clicking open as he, pulled them off, slowly pulled them off of him as he gripped his wrist.
They went somewhere, maybe against the side of the mattress, landed softly beside them. He couldn't care as he breathed shallowly, eyes on the verge of closing as he, pulled back. Slowly leaned back, inches away from him as he, in seconds, shifted forward. Reached his arm out behind him. Behind Sieun, as he wrapped his fingers around his wrist, slowly tugging against him as he brought his hand over towards them.
Towards their lower bodies, below them. Closer, inches closer and he lowered it onto him, directly onto him, onto the rough fabric covering him. And he held it there, slowly tightening his grip against him, pressing it firmly down.
He watched, stared in awe, before he shifted forward. Inches, moved his upperbody inches forward and their lips were now barely touching.
Breathes catching against each other as two words escaped his warm lips, two clear words.
" prove it, " he purred against his lips, voice low, the words fading into a shallow breath.
He closed his eyes, closed them shut when he felt the heat of it. When he felt him, slowly tightening his grip against his hand, pressing it down firmer each second, his fingers inches, away from touching the small metal zipper.
But something as small, as simple as two words were nowhere near clear. Near direct, straightforward. Either way, he couldn't even take a second to understand what he, was saying. What he, was trying to say, trying to demonstrate, trying to do. Each second and his mind grew heavier than the next, the feeling only crashing against his chest the more he sat still.
His eyes were still shut tightly, tensed closed when he, pulled back. Pulled back for barely a second and leaned forward, leaning toward the side of his face as their chests brushed up against one another. A gasp, a gasp that barely managed to slip passed his lips left him when he felt the breathes, his breaths catch against him.
And what he said next. What words he said directly against him, came through clear.
Too clear that it made his eyes reopen, that it made his stomach drop.
Nine words and his heart skipped a beat.
" ride me sieun, ride me like a fucking horse, " he muttered underneath his breath, lips pressed against his ear, his voice barely a whisper as it remained hoarse.
His gaze was fixed below him as the words hit him hard. He, didn't know how to react, how to feel, what to feel. But his body made him react in seconds, as soon as he heard his voice.
The second. The second he heard him mutter those words against him, directly against him. The way he, had said those words, those nine, indescribable words. They couldn't even be described, not even close.
Eyes closed shut, breathes shallow, and he shifted. Leaned back, barely an inch, as each one of his breathes caught against the side of his face. As his lips remained barely an inch away, grazing against the side of his face, against his skin.
The grip against his hand grew tighter, pressed firmer, when he heard his voice. Felt it.
" i wanna see it, wanna see how fucking pretty you look kneeling ontop of me, fucking yourself against me, " he said against him, voice low and hoarse as the words faded into a ragged breath against his skin.
The words didn't even reach his mind as his eyes were shut tight, tensed closed.
But what he said, what he barely, managed to process as he remained still. It made him react in seconds, made his, body react in seconds. Gave him that feeling, that sudden feeling that floods your entire body, makes you still, breaths caught.
The lips that were pressed against his skin, the harsh heat of them catching against him each time he breathed, finally pulled back. Pulled back as he, leaned his upperbody back, shifted so that he was facing him, barely. His eyes that were closed shut managed to barely reopen, flutter open as his gaze remained below him. Facing below them, their lower bodies.
Facing that hand that was pressing firmer, pushing harsher down against his, every second. Watching the hand, staring in awe as it pressed harder into him, into Sieun's hand. His hand that was directly against him, against his crotch, against the thin fabric that lied above him. And after long enough, he shifted.
Finally took his gaze off of this, off of the view below them and faced him. Tilted his head up enough, and in seconds, faced him.
One look and it said everything.
Said it clearly. One look and it was enough to make him shatter into pieces, to break, to act. Enough to make his mind fade away into thin air, to stop working, to go completely blank.
Seconds later and he was now facing below them, returning his gaze toward their lowerbodies. As shaky breathes escaped his lips, shallow exhales, he hastily brought his hand that remained behind his lower body towards them. His hand that only seconds ago, was restrained, was completely frozen.
Inches, only inches and he was about to bring it over towards him. And he was too lost to realize it, to notice it when he felt him, suddenly release his grip against him and bring both of his hands towards his lower body. Towards Sieun's lower body as he wrapped his fingers against his waist, gripping harshly as he pushed him forward, shifted his kneeling body forward against the soft mattress. A shallow gasp escaped his lips as his hand, the hand about to reach him, made it's way onto his shoulder as he, did that.
He watched in awe, dumbfounded, as he shifted. As Seongje shifted against the soft mattress, pushing Sieun farther down, just below his waist, as he shifted downwards. Laid down so that he wasn't continuesly leaning up against the bedframe, so that he, was laid down flat against the thin bedsheets beneath them, scattered across the bed. His grip against his waist seemed to loosen once his movements stilled, Sieun kneeling inches away from his lower body. One hand against him and the other rested by his side.
His eyes were only fixated on one thing. Breathes growing shallower, he placed one of his hands, the hand that was barely shuddering, against the soft mattress as he shifted backward enough. Shifted enough as he, in seconds, leaned his upper body down. Enough so that his chest was barely brushing up against his rough jeans, so that his knees were bent, so that he, was facing him.
Inches away from him, as his hand remained rested against the rough fabric, fingertips barely, grazing against the zipper. Eyes locked on one thing, his blurred mind focused on one person.
He didn't even look at him. Didn't turn to face ahead of him, didn't tilt his head up to see the way that he, was looking at him. The hand, the hand that remained still for too long, finally shifted. In seconds and he managed to wrap his barely shuddering fingers around the thin metal zipper, pulling it down. Tugging it down as he brought the other hand over, tearing open the sides of the rough jeans as he pulled them down enough to barely, pass his waist. Rested them there as in seconds, he hooked his fingers against the thin waistband, the thin fabric. Against the last piece of clothing that he didn't even take a second, to care about.
Inches away with his shuddering fingers hooked around the thin waistband and he pulled it down. Slowly tugged the thin fabric down, resting it just below his waist.
Seconds, only seconds later and he stilled. Breathes shallow, chest slowly rising back and forth, eyes locked on one thing. His hand remained still, resting against the skin along his crotch as the other made it's way beside him, stabling himself as he held it against the soft mattress. His body shuddered, barely gasping underneath his breath when he felt him, suddenly brush his hand against him, running his fingers through his hair, stilling as he tightened them against the strands.
He could feel him, lazily pressing his fingers down against him, running them slowly through the strands, tightening every second. Something as small as that, had much of a larger impact as it should've. Made his mind go blank, grow heavier as his fingers never stilled.
The hand resting inches away from him, frozen against the skin across his crotch, shifted. Breathing shakily, he brought the hand over as he, wrapped it against him, wrapped his barely shuddering fingers around him. The other made it's way onto his waist, resting against the smooth skin just below his chest as he, parted his lips. Stared, stared in awe, inches away from moving any second. Any second, but he didn't. Couldn't move an inch as shaky breathes escaped his parted lips.
The grip against his hair only tightened, grew harsher by the second, fingers digging into the strands, still lazily brushing against him. But only seconds later, and he finally managed to shift.
Managed to barely, close his eyes, shut them tight as he, leaned down. Shifted his upperbody downward, parted his shaky lips, inhaling one last time. Breathing one last time before he reached it, brushing his lips passed it as he stilled. Rested his mouth against him, against the tip as he pressed his lips down against him, slowly flicking his tongue against him, directly. Barely moving his head an inch as he sucked down, lips pressed against him, his shuddering fingers tightening against him.
He, reacted in seconds. Barely a second and Sieun felt Seongje's lower body shudder, barely enough so that it was almost unnoticeable. But he felt it, felt it clearly. Felt his waist that was barely shifting below him, felt his fingers tightening against the strands. Heard the faint grunt that escaped his lips, the shallow, yet heavy breathes.
His hand rested against him as his fingers tightened lazily, wrapped directly against him. Seconds, seconds passing and his head was now barely, moving. Wasn't still, wasn't frozen, but it was shifting slowly back and forth. Running his lips downwards, slowly dragging them back up, nowhere near halfway as he continued flicking his soft tongue against him. Shifting his mouth against him as shallow noises escaped his muffled lips, breathing shakily through his nose.
And with his eyes closed shut, tight enough to see complete darkness, he could barely hear his voice in the back of his mind. Drowned out.
" your too soft, that shit drives me insane, " he muttered underneath his breath, in between a ragged exhale as his grip tightened against the strands.
He had no idea what it was, wasn't even close, to figuring out what it was, but something urged him to do it.
It could've been the words, could've been the words that escaped his lips, that were barely hearable over his ragged breathes. Maybe it was, but he didn't care. The feeling only grew stronger, grew worse, making his lower body ache the more he, did this.
But seconds later and he was now shifting farther. Pushing his head deeper, passing the halfway mark as his lips ran against him, his wet lips that were slick with saliva. Dragging his mouth back upward as he ran his tongue along him, against him, dragging it up across his length, eyes shut. Tensed shut as his grip tightened against him, fingers now digging into the skin against his waist.
The slightest shift of movement and he, was growing louder by the seconds. Sieun could feel him tightening him grip, digging his fingers into the strands, lazily rocking his waist back and forth so that it made him tense whenever he felt him, do that. Could hear him, groaning underneath his breath, each one shallower than the rest, overlapping his heavy breathes.
" mh, that's it, " he muttered in between a faint groan, voice barely a whisper as ragged breathes escaped his lips.
He tensed his grip tighter against him when he felt him, shifting.
Slowly rolling his waist upwards, barely, thrusting his lower body into him. Barely enough so that it wasn't harsh, wasn't rough. But barely, lazily rocking his hips back and forth against his mouth, far enough for him to tense his eyes shut.
And despite it, despite something like, this. Despite how much his body ached, how much it was urging him, how demanding it was growing,
He continued without a thought, without a single thought creeping passed his blurry mind. Kept his eyes shut tight, breathing shakily through his nose, dragging his lips back and forth, pressing them down against him, sucking down like his life depended on it. But seconds, only seconds later and he, suddenly shifted.
Dug his fingers into the strands against his soft hair as he, pressed him down. Pushed harshly down against his head, making him almost gag due to how sudden it felt. Forced his head down all the way, digging his fingers into his hair, lips hitting against his waist as he tensed. Tensed at how sudden it was, at how it was possible when he, drove his waist upwards. Seconds later of pushing his head down as he, shoved his lower body upwards, pushed his waist into him, into his shaky mouth.
Sieun closed his eyes tight as his grip only grew harsher, the grip against his hair. He, was the only one piercing through the silence that hung over them as faint groans escaped him, grower louder as this, only lasted for a few seconds at most.
For a few seconds that felt longer than they should've as he, finally pulled back. Finally let his waist fall back down against the mattress as his hand, his tight grip, slid off of his head, fingers running through his hair before fading away. Sieun reacted in seconds. Pressed hard down against his waist as he dragged his head upwards, his shaky lips brushing passed him as he immediately, gasped for air. Parted his glistening lips as he inhaled shakily, head hanging low as his other hand shifted toward the fabric against the mattress.
His gaze managed to finally shift, barely tilting his head upwards as he heard him, drowned out from his mind.
" told you i go crazy when you do shit like that, " he murmured inbetween a faint laugh, tilting his head back against the pillow beneath him, voice low.
He exhaled shakily underneath his breath as he, with the faded strength he had, managed to press down against the mattress and lean back upwards. Pushed himself up as he kept his knees bent, eyes on the verge of closing as he kneeled just below his waist, skin grazing against the rough fabric of his jeans.
He watched, watched in awe through his faint vision as he faced him. Stared with shallow, shaky breathes escaping his lips as he, tilted his head back against the pillow behind him. Watched as his chest, his chest that glowed with the faint light catching against the side, slowly rose back and forth. Watched, his eyes growing heavier as he, brought his hand toward his upper body and ran his fingers through his hair, through his messy, yet soft hair. Watched as he caught everything. The long silver chain glistening against his chest, the glasses that reflected the light, the faint black eye that hid behind the lens.
Seconds of nothing but him waiting, watching, as he remained frozen. Nothing but his chest slowly rising back and forth, shaky exhales escaping his lips until he, finally faced him. Until Seongje finally tilted his head forward, exhaling heavily underneath his breath, hand resting against the back of his head as their eyes locked. Locked for barely a second until he, shifted his gaze off him to face beside them. Turned his head to the side before reaching his arm out towards the side of them and grabbing something that lied against the mattress.
Sieun watched, eyes on the verge of closing as he, lowered one of his hands to place it against the mattress before pushing himself upwards, leaning his upperbody forwards. As he, leaned close enough so that his heat hit him hard, so that their chests were pressed against one another. His eyes managed to close, to gradually close as he inhaled shallowly, exhaling shakily. Tilting his head downwards against his shoulder, inhaling the scent, slowly breathing in the sensual cologne that clinged to him, the faint scent of smoke. Resting his forehead against his shoulder, closing his eyes as the warmth attacked his body.
Everything about him, all of it, managed to clear his mind. Made his body loosen, his breathes grow shallower, each shaky inhale filling him with fog.
Closing his eyes as he felt him, leaning over his shoulder, pressing into him as he slowly grabbed his wrist, pulling it behind it lower body. He let him do it, Sieun let him do all of it, as his eyes remained shut. Didn't pull back, didn't shove his hand away when he felt him, slowly clamp the smooth metal against his wrist. Didn't move an inch when he felt him wrap his fingers against the other, pulling it behind his back as a faint metal click sounded.
The warmth, the smell that made him want to collapse against the mattress faded, as he leaned back. As he, released his soft grip against his wrists, pulling back as a laid his upperbody back down against the mattress, resting one of his hands against his waist as the other made it's way behind him, lazily rested against the pillow beneath him. Atleast it was rested just above his head until he, suddenly managed to catch it appear below him.
Through his faint vision, he suddenly caught him shift his hand downwards, trailing towards their lower bodies. Seconds, only seconds later and he wrapped the hand around him, him directly. And when he felt it, when he suddenly felt him press against him, graze against his lower body directly, his breath got caught in his throat.
Nothing but a barely, noticeable shift and it was enough to drag a gasp out of his lips, make his eyes barely, widen. But it was noticeable for him, too sudden that it made his lowerbody shudder by the slightest. That it made him tense at the feeling, the feeling of him pressing it, directly against him, his grip only growing tighter. The hand, the hand that previously only rested against his waist only grew tighter, harsher, fingers digging into his skin as he, was trying to tell him something. He was. Sieun didn't even need to look, to fix his gaze off of below them to see the eyes that said it clearly.
But despite how simple it seemed, it was nowhere near possible. Inches, it only took inches, barely a slight shift. But he couldn't move, couldn't move his barely shuddering body as he, remained still, remained frozen as Seongje waited. Watched, wincing underneath his breath whenever he'd feel Sieun's body shudder.
Nothing but silence filled the room as his eyes fluttered open and closed, on the verge of closing. Head tilted down, chest rising back and forth as he faced below them.
His barely closing eyes managed to flutter open when he heard him exhale underneath his breath, loud enough so that it pierced through the silence.
" this shit turns me on, it does, " he said almost suddenly, voice low as he faced their lower bodies.
The hand, the hand against his waist only grew tighter, fingers digging into his skin as he could feel him, trying any attempt to make him shift. Move, move an inch. Barely an inch and it would be enough. But he couldn't, his body on the borderline of decision as the feeling in his lower body grew worse.
Grew worse as he kept grazing against him, pressing against his entrance, making his eyes close shut. But only seconds later and he, shifted. Shifted enough to drag a noise out of his throat, to make his eyes flutter open.
" but your gonna make me go batshit crazy if you keep teasing me like this, " he continued, digging his fingers into his waist as his voice remained low.
Only seconds later and he, tightened his grip against his side before pushing his waist up off the mattress. Shifting his lower body upward barely an inch, making his eyes close shut as he, did that. Did it for barely a second before letting his waist fall back down against the soft mattress, grip still harsh.
And he knew clearly, what he, was waiting for. What he was watching, watching every second, every single bit of it as he remained flat against the mattress, chest rising and falling. But doing something like, this---doing something as, intimidating, as this? That same feeling, fear, managed to spread throughout his entire body, making him still.
But he knew he needed it. Couldn't last a second without it. Seconds passing, turning into hours as he only made it worse. Only made it way worse by holding himself still, holding him directly against him, against his lower body.
- - -
Four times.
Four moments, four distinct, faint memories of them inches away from each other.
Four scattered moments, four moments of them, lying against a bed. Breathing heavily, gasping for air, and in each and every one of them? In each one, each and every one, he, was the one to act. He, was the one who did it, who shoved him aside, who pushed him down against the mattress, who placed his hand against his waist and dug his fingers into his skin, who lowered himself and in seconds, did it. It was him, always him. It was Seongje every time, each of the four times. Each of the four scattered times. Appartments, beds, rooftops. And it was him.
So now, he couldn't move an inch. Atleast he couldn't shift an inch until after what felt like eternity, he did.
Breathed shakily, exhales growing more ragged, eyes shut tightly. Shut tight enough to obscure his surroundings, to see nothing but static black. To atleast, lessen the situation as he shifted. Shifted in seconds as he slowly, at the slowest pace possible, lowered his waist down. Slowly brought down his lower body, barely an inch, barely brushing passed him, as his lips parted.
As even the slightest shift, barely an inch, dragged a noise out of his throat. Made a shallow moan escape his shaky lips as his head, the head that previously hanged low, tilted upwards, eyes shut completely. But despite it, despite how unbearable it seemed, he kept going. Didn't take a second to still his lower body as he shifted farther, lowering his waist against him, directly. Feeling all of it, every second of it. Every second that it, pushed deeper, dragging a loud noise out of his throat.
Seconds, seconds of nothing but him slowly lowering his shuddering body against him, Seongje's fingers digging into his side, and he hit it. Managed to barely hit it, to barely reach it as the feeling exploded throughout his body, making his lowerbody shudder. Making his eyes open for barely a second, before fluttering closed, remaining barely open.
Inches, more than inches and he, brushed up against it, pressed firmly against it. Felt it clearly, so clearly, so strong that he had to shift upwards. And when he did? When he dragged his lower body upwards to make it so he wasn't continuesly pressing against that, it changed everything. Made the room shift, shatter into pieces as the feeling hit him hard. Crashed against his chest, flowing throughout his entire body as he, started to catch the rhythm. Started to, without a choice, shift his lower body against him, against him directly---dragging his waist upwards slowly, falling back down until he, hit it. Pressed against it each and every second he shifted, making his mind grow heavier the more he felt it.
Ragged moans that faded into nothing but a shaky exhale were escaping his lips as he breathed heavily, head tilted upwards, body shuddering at the feeling. The feeling that he, was wainting for, what his body was urging him to get the second he stepped through the doorway.
And seconds, barely seconds after he started moving without a thought did he, react. Seconds later and faint groans were escaping his parted lips, heavy breathes, his grip only growing tighter against his waist as he, didn't move an inch. Didn't shift, didn't shove him, didn't pull his shuddering body downward. Laid still, completely frozen, lower body shuddering by the slightest as he watched everything. Watched every single second of this, tilting his head back against the plush pillow, eyes barely remaining open as his gaze focused on one thing.
" yeah, mh, just like that, " he muttered underneath his breath, in between a faint groan as the words faded into a ragged exhale.
The hand, the hand that stood still for long enough, wrapped against him directly, finally managed to shift as it made it's way towards his waist, fingers lazily digging into his skin as he rested both of them against this sides.
Slow movements, nothing but him slowly dragging his waist upward, letting it fall back down, and his mind went blank. Completely faded away, dissolved into thin air as the feeling attacked his body. All over, the feeling that exploded inside of him whenever he let his lower body fall down, whenever he, pressed against the area too far up. The area that seemed impossible to reach, yet he managed to brush up against it every second. Every second and a ragged moan would leave his mouth, his lips parted as heavy breathes escaped him.
Completely lost in the feeling, the feeling boiling inside of him, growing stronger each second. Heat coming from thin air seemed to attack his body, to make his face grow hot in seconds, to his body feel as if he were inches away from a blazing fire. But it didn't matter. None of it mattered, nothing mattered to him. He couldn't care, his hazy mind wouldn't even let him take a second to think, to process anything. One thing and that was all his mind was focused on.
One feeling as his mind grew heavier, movements still, remaining slow as it was more than enough. Chest rising restlessly back and forth, heat crawling across his shuddering body, fingers tensing behind his back, eyes shut tight. Any second, each second he hit it and he swore he could've collapsed. Could've fell down forward as his limbs grew weaker, trying any attempt to stable himself despite his hands being restrained behind his lower body.
He would've, could've collapsed against him only until he, shifted his hand. Ran it along his side, brushing it against his smooth skin as it trailed higher, stilling once he hit the side of his chest. The other one remained gripped against his waist, still, as he dug his fingers into his side with the other, lazily brushing his thumb up against the skin along the side of his chest.
The voice, his voice that came through as nothing but muffled words, could barely be heard as his mind drowned everything out.
" you look so fucking hot like this, " he muttered raggedly, words barely coming out as a heavy breath as his grip only tightened.
As he, dug his fingers into his waist, into the skin along the side of chest. As his eyes remained barely open, not even taking a second, to look away.
To take his gaze off, him. Him infront of him, kneeling above him, against him, moving against him directly without a single thought. Watching as his head remained tilted upwards, facing the ceiling with his eyes closed shut, cheeks flushed, lips parted. Watching all of it. Taking in everything. His shallow nosies, his ragged breathes, his shuddering body that moved without hesitation. Without any hesitation whatsoever, as faint groans slipped passed Seongje's lips.
Heat was crawling across his chest, creeping down his back as the feeling only grew stronger. Overpowering, too strong that his movements, uncontrollably, changed. Changed in barely seconds as his pace grew faster, messier, as he continued dragging his lowerbody upwards and down against him.
But any attempt to even shift his movements immediately shattered into pieces when he felt it. Felt him shift, felt him begin shifting. The eyes that were tensed shut managed to barely reopen, a ragged gasp escaping his throat in between shallow moans as he, began moving. Wasn't still, wasn't frozen against the soft mattress. But was shifting, slowly rolling his waist back and forth against, him. Lazily thrusting his lowerbody against him, pushing his waist up and letting it hit the mattress as he continued at a pace.
At a pace that he, immediately couldn't handle. Couldn't handle as he only drove himself deeper, shoved his lower body for enough so that he kept hitting it, every second. In seconds and Sieun's slow, messy movements immediately stilled as his lower body slowed to a halt, shuddering uncontrollably as he, only continued moving. Continued shoving his lowerbody upward at a pace, slow enough so that it made his mind go blank, deep enough so that his lips parted uncontrollably whenever he tried to bite down against his bottom lip.
The feeling was too strong for him to even move, to even move an inch as his eyes were tensed shut, breathing heavily. Chest restlessly rising back and forth as his voice pierced through his mind.
" keep moving, " he said suddenly, voice ragged and low as he continued shifting his waist back and forth against him.
Two words that he barely, managed to process through his occupied mind.
And despite how weak he felt, despite the fact that he could collapse against the mattress any second if he, wasn't pressing into the side of his chest, he did. Sieun did it, complied without a thought.
Closed his eyes tight as he, in seconds, tried any attempt to match his sickening movements, dragging his waist back and forth against him as he, continued. Continued breathing heavily, continued wrapping his fingers tightly around his skin as he rolled his lower body up and down into him, directly.
Seconds, seconds of this, each second of him pressing harshly against that area, driving himself deeper every second and the feeling grew stronger. The tension, the tight tension boiling inside of him grew harsher. Each movement and his body burned with heat, eyes shut tight, noises growing louder, piercing through the silence that hung over them. Each movement and it wasn't even a question, whether or not it felt as something as simple as 'good.' Intoxicating, was what this was, every second of it. Nothing but him growing louder, Seongje growing louder as his movements never stopped, his slow, harsh movements that drove deeper inside of him.
Nothing but Sieun's shuddering body moving against him without a thought, dragging his lower body upwards before letting it fall back down against him, loud noises escaping his throat as the feeling grew tenser each second,
Seeming as if could break, boil over any second. It could've, he was inches away from reaching it, from hitting it,
Until he, shifted.
Shifted so suddenly that it immediately made his eyes shoot open, gasping heavily underneath his breath, between his ragged noises. Slowed his deep movements down, breathing raggedly as he released his harsh grip from his sides. He, in seconds, brought both his hands down towards Sieun's lower body as he hooked his fingers below his thighs, hastily pushing up against him, urging him to shift his lower body upwards.
It was happening so fast, so sudden that one blink and they, were already shifting. A loud noise escaped his lips as he winced underneath his breath when he, dragged him upwards, pushed his writhing body upward. Seconds, only seconds later and he brought his hands higher, wrapping his fingers around the sides of his waist as his grip tightened. Tightened harshly as he, in barely a second, shoved his body hastily towards the side, making him fall down against the mattress beneath them.
He was breathing heavily, barely recovering from seconds ago when he, pressed him down against the mattress, shoved him to the side as he, in seconds, climbed ontop of him. Dug his fingers into his waist as he shifted against the mattress, leaning above him, inches away, breathing raggedly.
Seconds, seconds later and he was suddenly inches away from his upper body, hastily running his hand along his side before gripping against the side of his chest. Sieun's eyes that were fluttering open and closed, shaky breathes escaping his lips, managed to barely open when he felt him, suddenly shift downwards. When he, dug his fingers into the skin along the side of his chest as he, in seconds, was now pressing his lips down against his upperbody, against his shuddering chest.
His body continued shuddering, inches away from the tension boiling over as he, did that. Did something as sudden, as indescribable as this. He tilted his head back against the soft mattress, arching his back to ease the pain of the metal rings digging into his wrists as he, did practically anything you could think of. Breathed heavily, panted like a dog as he ran his tongue against his chest, flicking it against his sensitive skin, pressing his lips down as he sucked against it for barely a second. Barely a second as he inched his way closer, trailing lower, leaving warm marks across his shuddering chest as he inched closer towards his waist.
He was breathing heavily as shaky breathes escaped his lips, slight moans that faded into exhales as he, only continued. Shifted lower, inches, as he grazed his warm lips across his waist, pressed them down hastily, dug his teeth into his skin, sucked against it for nothing more than a second. Doing this, as his grip against his waist only grew tighter, harsher, like he was a completely different person. Rabid, feral, something along the lines of, that, as he continued shifting closer toward his, lower body.
Only seconds later and he was inches away, slowing down his harsh movements as his lips grazed against his crotch, each breath hitting him hard. His breath got caught in his throat when he felt him release one of his hands, before trailing it lower, running it down across his waist, slowly brushing his fingers against his crotch before he, slowly wrapped his fingers against him. Against him directly, making lower body shudder the second he felt him, shift. Shift enough so that he was grazing his warm lips against him, against the side of his length, head tilted to the side as he rested it against his crotch.
His fingers, the fingers wrapped directly against him seemed to tighten, slowly grow harsher as he, suddenly parted his lips. Parted his warm lips as in seconds, he pressed his lips down against him, directly against the side of his length as he sucked down, lazily flicking his tongue against him. His eyes shot open the second he felt him, do that, a ragged noise escaping his lips as he tilted his head forward. Eyes on the verge of closing as he furrowed his brows, lower body shuddering from his movements. From his unbearable movements, from his lips that didn't move an inch, that remained pressed against the side of him as he, moaned underneath his breath, muffled noises escaping him.
Each faint noise, despite how subtle it sounded, wasn't anywhere near subtle. He could feel it, feel everything that came out of him, as he continued sucking down against him, shifting his head slightly. Sieun's head that was previously tilted forward managed to fall back down against the soft mattress as he felt him, suddenly pull back, graze his lips directly against him for a second at most, before immediately dragging his lips upward across his length and pressing them back down. Pressing them back down as he sucked down harder against him, lips pressed against the side, slowly flicking his tongue back and forth as he lazily shifted his head against him.
His eyes were shut tight as if it could help, as he did this. Wincing underneath his breath whenever he felt him the heat of his breathes, the heat of his heavy breathes coming through his nostrils. Whenever he felt him moan against him, against him directly, sending a shockwave through his body as soon as it hit against him. And after what felt like longer than it should've, he slowly pulled back, sucking down for barely a second before grazing his lips against him, against the side.
The lips that were driving him insane each second didn't move, didn't shift an inch. They stayed pressed against him, directly against the side of his length as he shifted farther, trailing them upwards. His eyes managed to barely reopen when he felt it, felt each one of his heavy breathes against him. Felt the heat crashing against him, making his lower body shudder as he, let out heavy breathes directly against him. He barely managed to tilt his head forward as his eyes remained barely open, enough so that he faced him for barely, a second. Barely a second as their eyes locked. Barely a second as Sieun stilled the second, he saw the way that he, was looking at him, eyes narrowed, eyeing him, warm lips grazing against him.
For barely a second, their eyes locked. Nothing but his face washed over with hunger as his breathes grew more heavy, each one growing hotter than the one before. Hitting against him like a heatwave, making him fight the urge to make him, pull back. But seconds, only seconds later and he, managed to drag a ragged noise out of Sieun's throat. Managed to make his head fall back down against the mattress as he, in seconds, moaned directly against him, lips parted against the side. Just one noise that faded into a breath and his body reacted in seconds, flushing the feeling throughout his entire body.
But it spiked, spiked harder than it should've when he, shifted. When he, without any hesitation, parted his lips, pressed them down against the side of his length, and let out long muffled moan, directly against him. His waist, the waist that he, was digging his fingers into managed to jerk upwards when he felt him, do that. When it set off a chain reaction inside of his entire body, dragging a loud noise out of his throat as he tensed his eyes shut. One second, only a second passed as he, did it again without a second thought. Kept his warm lips pressed against him, sucking lazily down against him as he, each second, moaned against him, long enough so that it made his eyes shoot open, loud enough so that it made his entire lower body shudder.
Each second, each second that he did, that. Each second he felt him do that, do something as unbearable as that directly against him, and he felt like he'd shatter into pieces any second. So with ragged noises escaping his shaky lips, he managed to tilt his head forward as he twisted his waist towards the sides, trying any, possible attempt to get him to stop. But he, only did the opposite.
His grip against his writhing waist grew tighter, harsher as he pressed his shuddering body down into the mattress. And after what felt like seconds of torture, he finally managed to stop, to pull back barely, so that his lips remained grazing against him. Sieun's eyes closed tightly as ragged noises escaped his lips, breathing heavily as his chest rose back and forth, leaning back down against the mattress. And the feeling, the tension that was seconds away from shattering, only grew stronger. Grew harsher as he, didn't do anything. Didn't do a thing as Sieun closed his eyes tightly, lowerbody shuddering beneath him.
But seconds later, only seconds and he shifted. Seongje's lips that never pulled back shifted, as he grazed them higher, pressing them into the side of his length as his fingers remained wrapped against it.
Four words, four words that left his warm lips, the lips that were pressed firmly against him, managed to drag a noise out of him the second he felt them crash against him. One name.
" i wanna feel it sieun, " he said suddenly, voice ragged as the words came out as barely a whisper, fading into a heavy breath against him.
The voice, the words that were muttered directly against him. His voice that remained low, hoarse, barely a whisper, was enough to make his stomach sink, to make his mind shatter into pieces. The voice that sent a shockwave through his body, that was filled to the brim with nothing but hunger.
Seconds later and his eyes tensed closed, closing them tight as a shaky noise escaped his lips. Tensing his fingers behind his lower body when he felt him, part his lips, lazily pressing them down against the side, sucking down for nothing more than a second. Shifting his lips against him, bringing his head over to the other side as he grazed them toward the top, continuing to part warm lips and suck down for barely, a second.
Each movement, each time he pressed his lips down against him, it only made it worse. Made his eyes shut tight, his chest rise restlessly back and forth, his lower body shudder slightly. Trying any attempt, any slight attempt to ease the feeling. It felt like he was on the borderline, inches away from the tension snapping into pieces, seconds away from exploding any second. But this, whatever this was, didn't do anything. Wasn't even close to doing anything as he only made it worse, making his body betray him countless times.
His voice, the words that rolled off his tongue, were enough to make his lower body shudder the second he felt the heat of it. The second that his voice, the vibrations of it, crashed against him.
" i wanna feel it all over my fucking face, " he said against him, lips grazing against the side as his voice grew hoarse, barely a ragged whisper.
His head was tilted far back against the mattress, eyes shut tight, shaky breathes escaping his lips as he, dragged ragged noises out of his throat.
But when he shifted, when he dragged his harsh lips higher, his eyes managed to barely open when he hit hit. When he, in seconds, parted his lips as each heavy breath hit directly against him, against his tip, the heat making his body shudder uncontrollably. Kept them close enough, pressed firmly enough to only make the feeling worse.
It only spiked, grew harsher when he said it, said the words directly against him, his warm lips grazing against him, directly.
" i want all of it, every single fucking bit of it, " he muttered underneath his breath, lips grazing against him, voice crumbling into a ragged breath.
He gritted his teeth as each word hit him hard, crashing against his chest, making his head heavier each second. Each second that he, did this.
But after what felt like seconds growing into minutes, his lips parted uncontrollably, a loud noise being dragged out of his throat when he, finally parted his lips. Parted the lips that were driving him insane each second as he shoved his head down against him, pushed his mouth down, pressing his lips against him as he immediately began moving. Began dragging his wet lips back and forth at a pace that was everything. All he needed, all he could've gave him any second but didn't.
His eyes were shut tight as each movement, each time he dragged his mouth up and slid it down, each time he ran his tongue along him, dragged a noise out of him. Each movement and Sieun grew louder, each muffled moan against him making his lower body shudder. The second that he, shoved his mouth down against him and his mind went blank, completely faded as ragged breathes escaped his shaky lips.
Ragged moans were leaving his mouth as he tilted his head back against the soft mattress, chest rising hastily back and forth. Closing his eyes tightly as the feeling only grew stronger, as each subtle movement sent off a chain reaction inside of him, as the tension only grew tighter.
But seconds, only a few seconds at most was all he got, all that he, would give him. Only a few seconds of bliss until he, dragged his mouth upward, pulling back as his wet lips remained inches away from him. As he, in seconds, wrapped his fingers around him and began shifting, tugging tightly against him as his hand moved at a pace. As his hand, as his warm fingers ran against him, ran up and down at a pace fast enough to drag a noise out of him. As he, dragged them back and forth, tugging against him as his lips didn't move an inch.
Didn't move an inch, didn't shift. Stayed still, grazing against him, each one of his warm breathes making his mind grow heavier. But the feeling, the feeling that seemed as if it could burst any second managed to spike when he felt him, suddenly flick his tongue against him. When he felt him begin flicking his tongue against him, directly against the slit, at a pace fast enough to drag a ragged noise out of his throat each second. Doing this, as his movements only continued, as his fingers continued hastily running up and down along him, tugging against him.
Seconds, seconds passing and the feeling only grew stronger. He could feel it boiling up inside of him, seeming as if it could boil over any second. And with his movements? With his harsh, Intoxicating movements, with him flicking his wet tongue against him, with him running his hand against him as his movements only grew more restless,
It felt inches away, inches. But when he, pulled back suddenly, so suddenly that when he felt it his eyes shot open, it only strengthened the feeling.
Only made it spike as his movements never stopped, as he kept his lips pressed against him, breathing heavily against him, directly.
Four words were enough for his body to react in seconds. Four words were all it took for his mind to fade away.
" give it to me sieun, " he said raggedly, muttering the words against him as his lips grazed against the tip, fading into a heavy breath.
Eyes shut tight, shaky lips parted, chest rapidly rising back and forth, heat hanging over him like a shadow, and his body didn't last a second. Couldn't last a second as he, did this, as each word reverberated throughout his entire body.
Head tilted back against the mattress, firmly pressing into it, fingers tensing behind his lower body, waist shuddering uncontrollably as the feeling grew to a point where he could barely, handle it. Could barely handle being on the borderline of it, the tension only growing stronger as if it were teasing him, driving him insane each second.
But seconds, only seconds later and his movements grew more restless. Grew messier, rougher, faster in the matter of seconds.
Only seconds later and he, set off a chain reaction in him, crashing against his chest.
His voice was enough, more than enough, as it sounded drowned out, faded towards the back of his mind.
" give me every last drop, " he muttered in between heavy breathes, the words crumbling into a ragged exhale as his lips didn't move an inch.
Five words and it was enough.
Five words and barely a second of restless strokes, of heavy breathes hitting against him, of his warm lips driving him crazy, of his fingers tightening against him, of heat crawling across his chest,
And his mind went blank, shattered into pieces. Barely a second and his eyes shot open, his vision going completely blurry, lips parting uncontrollably as this, dragged a loud noise out of his throat.
The second it exploded throughout his entire body, the second it set off a chain reaction, the second it sent a shockwave through him. The second that it, flushed the strong feeling throughout his entire body, making his eyes close shut, making him dig his shaky fingers into the mattress, making his lower body shudder uncontrollably as he, didn't move an inch.
Didn't pull back, didn't shift. Stayed inches away as his restless movements slowed down, keeping his lips parted. Mouth hanging open as heavy breathes escaped his lips, tilting his head enough so that he, felt it the second his lower body jerked in shock. Felt it fall onto his face, felt it fall onto his parted lips, his tongue, his cheeks. Everywhere. Everywhere and he didn't move an inch, held his fingers tight around him as he watched everything, every reaction that he, gave him.
Sieun's eyes were shut tight, head tilted back against the mattress as the feeling flowed through his entire body, strong enough to make him shudder at the feeling. Strong enough to make his vision go blurry, to keep his lips parted.
And when he barely, managed to gather his senses, his managed to tilt his head forward enough. Managed to keep his eyes barely open as they remained inches away from closing as he, faced his lower body. Tilted his head forward as ragged breathes escaped his lips, shaky noises leaving him as through his faint vision, he caught him shift.
Watched for barely a second. Watched as he held his fingers tight against him, inches away from him, lips parted, mouth hung open, eyeing him. For barely a second and their eyes locked, his narrowed eyes filled with nothing but hunger. Seconds, barely seconds until his eyes barely widened when he saw him shift. When he, without any hesitation, shifted close enough before slowly running his tongue along him, lazily flicking it against the slit for nothing more than a harsh second.
He winced underneath his breath, a ragged noise escaping his lips when he, did that. When the sharp feeling made his lower body jerk back in shock, any subtle movement being amplified by hundreds. Only for a second did he, do that, did he run his tongue directly against him, watching every reaction that he, gave him. The head that was tilted forward managed to fall back down against the mattress beneath them as he shut his eyes tight, lower body shuddering, ragged breathes leaving him.
Seconds passing and the feeling managed to slowly die down, gradually leave his body with the feeling that makes you loosen, that floods you with the feeling, the feeling that makes your mind go blurry. He tilted his head to the side as he rested the side of his face against the soft mattress, breathes growing less ragged, lips parted as shallow noises escaped him.
His eyes that shut tightly, tensed shut managed to flutter open when he felt him, finally release his tight grip against him. When, through his faint vision, he barely managed to see him shift against the mattress, pushing himself upwards before climbing ontop of him. Despite how weak his body felt, like he could fade away any second, he managed to tilt his head back towards the side to face him. To face him as he was already inches away from him, leaning above him, breathing raggedly like he'd just ran for miles. His eyes managed to flutter closed when he felt him, suddenly run his hand against him, slowly trailing it up his side, brushing his fingers against him before stilling them against the side of his chest.
Through his faint vision, he barely, managed to catch him shift. Managed to watch, eyes on the verge of closing as his face remained inches away. The face, his face that was lined with glistening liquid, scattered all across it, making him cringe when he saw it. He stared in awe as he, brought over one his hands before brushing two of his fingers against his face, against his cheek, catching the liquid against his fingertips. Breathing shallowly as he, brought the fingers over towards his parted lips, and without any hesitation whatsoever, brought them close enough to run his tongue along them, slowly flicking his tongue against the liquid, never shifting his gaze off him.
Never taking a second to take his eyes off him, to shift his narrowed gaze off of his weary eyes. Sieun's eyes remained barely open as they fluttered between his hand, the two fingers that he was practically licking, lazily flicking his tongue against as if it were the most mouthwatering thing he's ever tasted. And after doing that, for long enough, he finally lowered the fingers, brushing them passed his bottom lip before placing his hand back down against the soft mattress beside him.
Sieun exhaled underneath his breath, breathing shakily as he tilted his head toward the side, resting the side of his face against the mattress as his eyes fluttered open and closed. Letting out shallow breathes as he barely managed to catch him, shift closer, lean farther down as he remained inches away from the side of his face.
His eyes managed to gradually close shut when he felt him, shift his hand along the side of his chest, brush his fingers against his skin, slowly shifting his thumb against him.
" mh, it must've felt good hm? " he said suddenly, voice low as he remained inches away from the side of his face.
It wasn't a question, the answer was clear.
Was crystal clear the second he, made the feeling explode throughout his entire body, the second he managed to finally hit it.
Seconds passed of him inches away from him, slowly running his hand along his side, brushing his thumb up against his skin, each of his breathes catching against the side of his face. Seconds passed of Sieun's eyes remaining shut, fluttering closed as the warmth spread throughout his entire body.
But only seconds later and it faded away, dissolved into thin air as he pulled back. As he brought his hand lower, shifted it toward his, lower body. But he was too lost, too occupied to even notice when he suddenly felt him, brush his thumb down against his tip for barely a second.
Barely a second and yet his body made it much stronger than it should've, making his lower body shudder, dragging a shaky noise out of his throat. For barely a second did he, do that, hastily drag his thumb along him before pulling back. With his eyes barely open, he managed to catch him bring the hand over toward his face, inches away.
" your still leaking, " he said inches away from him, voice low with an erotic tone, barely a whisper as he brought his thumb towards his lips.
Through his barely open eyes, he managed to catch him press his thumb against his lips before flicking his tongue against it, catching the liquid that was resting against the fingertip.
His eyes managed to flutter closed, shallow breathes escaping his parted lips as he rested the side of his face against the soft mattress. His mind fading away the more he, continued. The more he ran his hand across his chest, slowly brushing his fingers against his skin, tightening lazily. The more his warm breathes catched against the side of his face, making him still.
Seconds, in seconds and it felt like he was drifting away, his mind growing heavier, his body seeming to weaken the more he ran his hand against him. His breathes growing shallower, the feeling still clinging onto him.
But despite how subtle it may have seemed, he, seemed to notice it in seconds.
Barely a second and he, suddenly placed his fingers against his chin, softly gripping the sides as he made him turn to face him, inches away. His eyes managed to barely flutter open as through his faint vision, he saw him.
" hey, you better stay with me, " he said suddenly, voice low as he gripped the sides of his chin, leaning down enough to face him.
His voice, the voice inches away from him sounded faint. Sounded almost like a dream, that voice that pierces through your mind when your on the borderline of sleep, that sounded drowned out, being echoed from the other side.
The eyes that were barely open managed to flutter shut when he, released his soft grip against him, letting the side of his face fall back down against the mattress. They remained shut, shallow breathes escaping his parted lips as his chest rose slowly back and forth.
But seconds, only seconds later of what felt like a dream and he, managed to drag a shallow noise out of his throat. Managed to barely, make his upper body shudder when he shifted closer, leaning down enough so that their chests were pressed against one another. So that the warmth attacked his body, making him still at the feeling.
It was like he was slowing down time, turning seconds into hours as he pressed his warm lips down against the side of his neck, sucking down against his sensitive skin, slowly flicking his tongue against him. Doing that, doing as something as tender as this, before grazing his lips against his neck and pressing them back down. Pressing them back down as he continued slowly running his hand against his side, thumb pressing lazy circles into the side of his chest.
Each movement, each subtle movement and it'd feel like he'd fade away any second. Like he'd drift into darkness, get consumed by it, get swallowed by if any second. Any second, and he could've been left behind, could've been left alone, alone surrounded by pitch black.
But he couldn't, wouldn't let it. Tried any attempt, tried the hardest he could to keep his mind with him, to stay conscious. Because if he didn't, what would happen? This, this would fade away in seconds, shatter, break into a thousand pieces as it shredded through him. Shredding through his heart. Because he didn't want it to end, didn't want this, to end.
He didn't want to be left behind in the dark, left alone with his spiralling thoughts, left alone with his mind. He didn't want to leave it. Didn't want to leave this, didn't want to leave, him.
Seconds, seconds turning into hours as he, suddenly parted his warm lips, slowly digging his teeth into the skin along his neck. That, managed to atleast help him slip back towards reality, shuddering as a shaky exhale left his lips.
His voice, the voice that sounded drowned out through his blurry mind managed to barely come through.
He didn't need to hear it, couldn't hear it. But he could feel it, feel the heat of each one of his words, feel the vibrations that each one of them sent throughout his entire body.
But worse, was the way that he, said them. The way that they left his warm lips, the way that they slowly rolled off his tongue, the way that he, said them directly against his sensitive skin.
Seven words that left his lips, that made his mind blank.
" we're not even close to being finished, " he said softly, voice low, lips grazing against the skin along his neck as he breathed shallowly.
Seven words that hit him hard, hard enough to made him shut his eyes tight. Hard enough to keep his lips parted, to flush a feeling throughout his body.
A feeling that he, didn't want to end, didn't want to fade away, to crumble into pieces.
Words. Words were all it took.
| 7 : 48 P M
☆
Notes:
WOW ok so it's not even done and it's so long!? kinda crazy < / 3
but yall FULL chapter of THIS, it was making me go insane trying to make sure everything flows well ANDD it feel like it came out pretty good!? and dudee like HIM in this chapter idk what to say guys he's kinda crazy, but i tried to still make it different so that he's somewhat less deranged and more "caringgg" in a way? it's hard guys 😔
SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!! trying the best to sorta build on their characters more, and also slipped in a little bit of context of sj's feelings towards him!
any feedback is more than appreciated!! ily guys
🫶🫶
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Last Edited Mon 23 Jun 2025 12:04PM UTC
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