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Do not judge, and you will not be judged.
Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
©Luke 6:37
"We have a replenishment."
Pale as death, David leaned his shoulder against a tree and sighed heavily. He looked like he'd run a marathon and then been starved for a month. Claudette immediately ran upto him, grabbing his arm and whispering something fervently in his ear, but David stubbornly waved her away, staggered to the Campfire and sat down on a log between Dwight and Meg.
"An ugly girl with a crazy little asshole that gets out of her. He runs and screams like a fucker, jumps on your back and holds on tighter than I do to a bottle," he smiled wryly and dropped his head heavily on Dwight's shoulder.
He awkwardly patted David's knee and caught a grateful look from Meg, who clearly didn't dream of being a prop for a gloomy and exhausted King.
"What do you say?" she asked eagerly.
"Nasty couple," David concluded, grimacing.
"Well, screw them. Has anyone joined us?" Steve asked with barely concealed curiosity.
In response, King just shrugged his shoulders.
"Some black woman with curly hair and French accent. Neither of us was eager to get to know each other, and we really didn't have time for it."
Felix, who had been sitting quietly on the sidelines and listening attentively, bit his lip and clenched his hands into fists until it hurt. A wave of anxiety washed over him. Razor-sharp thoughts raced through his mind.
It’s okay. It's all good. The new girl can be anyone. It's not necessarily her.
Of course it's her, you lucky son of a bitch, Herr Richter, of course it's her.
You never know how many girls with dark skin speak French in the world! Anyone, Felix, it could be anyone!
There's only one option for you, and you know it!
Someone gently touched his shoulder. Felix flinched and turned around. Ace was standing next to him, looking at him intently. There was a worried expression on his face.
"Is everything okay?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," Felix lied. "Yes, everything is fine."
He hurriedly turned away, hiding his eyes. Right now, he really wanted everything to be simpler. To be honest, that's what he's always wanted. That's why the Pariahs broke up. It was easier to forget about what had happened than to continue the fruitless search. Felix suggested it, and eventually, after a lengthy conversation, everyone agreed with him. Almost everyone. But, God, his head was pounding that night, and there was a taste of vomit in his mouth. Perhaps he made a decision too quickly, because when, years later, the Fog showed him his father in the ruins on Dyer Island, Felix rushed there without hesitation. Like a complete idiot. And here he is. And it seems that now the past is ready to overtake him.
"Hey. If something's wrong, you can tell me," Ace continued just as quietly. "I promise it'll stay between us."
"I'm just..." no, of course, Felix trusted him, but still it's better to keep some thoughts to yourself. "I'm just worried. I don't know how to behave."
"Want free advice? Help the new girl on the Trials and don't bother her with personal questions until she gets used to all this shit."
"Okay. Thank you."
Smiling, Ace clapped him encouragingly on the shoulder and turned to listen as David described the new Killer in vivid detail. Felix felt like a total douchbag. He shouldn't have lied so blatantly, especially since Ace probably realized that he hadn't been told the whole truth.
"You know, that's not all..." he began uncertainly, but Visconti stopped him, turning abruptly and raising his hand.
"Felix, sweetheart, think twice. If you're not ready to talk, you better not. You'll regret it later."
"Yes... yes, you're right."
Looking into the Fire, Felix caught Ace's hand and squeezed, seeking support. Ace squeezed his fingers back and smiled again.
"Don't worry. I'll stay close.."
"Thank you."
Felix tried to focus his thoughts on something else. On David, for example, who switched from simple bright epithets to his favorite swearing, which for some obscure reason made Nea and Min giggle strangely. On the dancing flame of a campfire. On its spicy smell and the crackle of burning wood. On his own steady heartbeat. On feeling warm Ace's hand.
And so Laurie Strode came out of the woods, pale as death, with a face like she'd just thrown up (which she probably had) and sat down next to Quentin. He nodded understandingly and draped his jeans jacket over her shoulders. Laurie rested her head on his lap, closing her eyes tiredly, and Quentin let her. He began to gently stroke her hair, soothing her, with an expression on his face that clearly said, "if you come near, I'll kill you on the spot." And, of course, no one would risk disturbing the exhausted Laurie.
Then Jake came out to the Campfire and, with a casual wave of his hand, immediately went back. Cheryl rose from her seat as silently as usual and followed him, resolutely pursing her lips. She was the only one Jake didn't try to avoid, no matter how bad he felt, and the only one who had any chance of supporting him right now.
Felix involuntarily remembered his first days (weeks? months? time passed very strangely here), when he shied away from his own shadow and would not let anyone near him. The pain of loss almost broke him, but he was smart enough after the first Trial to stop resisting the attempts of others to help him. And he did what he was probably best at — he began to observe. It helped. Felix could see that Min's shoulders, which were always tense, relaxed when Jeff was sitting next to her; that Dwight stops biting his lips furiously and twisting the end of his tie in his fingers when David starts a conversation with him; that the almost emotionless Laurie barely smiles when she looks at Jane; that the taciturn Claudette willingly joins in the conversation if Meg participates in it; and hundreds of other details in the behavior of the inhabitants of the edge of the Campfire. He learned to start and end a conversation at the right moment, learned to detect the slightest changes in everyone's mood and adjust to them, and, of course, what was most difficult for him, learned to open himself up to others. And it so happened that Ace was more careful than anyone else with the secrets entrusted to him. Damn, Felix really felt better around him.
But right now, he was damn close to hysteria and could barely contain his nervous trembling.
Suddenly, a breath of sepulchral dampness blew out of the forest, and an indistinct supernatural whisper swept across the clearing. The Trial ended, and, apparently, not in the best way.
Dwight immediately jumped up from his seat, dusted off his pants, tightened his tie, adjusted his glasses and put on his trademark slightly crooked but rather friendly smile, mentally preparing to meet the new girl. The others stood up too, some faster, some slower, and Felix suppressed the cowardly urge to hide behind the broad back of Ash standing in front of him.
Stupidly. There's nowhere to run from here anyway.
Leaves rustled in the forest, and a new girl came out into the light, stern and unyielding. Deceptively fragile, dark-skinned, tense to the limit, with black springy hair and sparkling eyes. Sacrificed, but not broken.
"What's going on here?" she asked in a demanding, though slightly trembling voice.
Felix felt as if the ground was falling away from under his feet. He swayed and, trying to regain his balance, involuntarily stepped forward. And, of course, the new girl immediately stared at him. For a second she stared at him as if she couldn't believe her eyes, and the next moment, a wild, uncontrollable anger was reflected on her face, and she stepped forward.
"Hi," Dwight said, and held out his hand to her. "I'm…"
"You!" the new girl shouted, unceremoniously pushed him aside and went straight to Felix. "You!"
Tell her the truth. Be strong. Tell her the truth.
"Hello, Elodie," Felix replied softly. "I'm really sorry."
"Sorry?! You are sorry?!" she flared up. "And that's it?"
"What's going on?" Tapp frowned tensely. "Felix?"
He felt the uncomprehending stares on him. He had to do something, anything. So Felix turned so that the firelight illuminated his face, which was probably as white as death, and tried to force himself to smile.
"Guys, this is Elodie Rakoto, my old friend."
"Friend?!" she was furious. "How dare you?"
Felix turned back to her, and she grimaced as if she was looking at the most vile creature in the world and wanted only one thing — to strangle him on the spot. She probably does.
"El..." Felix began softly, but of course it didn't help.
She moved towards him, her hands clenched into fists, screaming so fiercely that his heart was breaking.
"Don't call me that! You left me! You and your friends! You all left me! You betrayed us, our friendship! You betrayed me! How could you?! How could you, you son of a bitch?!"
Oh, they really haven't talked in a long time. A long, long time ago.
Ever since he'd left her in pain alone. How could he? ..
"El..." Felix began again, and the next second red circles blurred before his eyes, and a sharp pain shot through his head.
He staggered and took a step back, hearing the screams of the others as if through cotton wool.
"Hey, hey, take it easy!"
"Get away from him!"
"What the fuck?!"
Confident arms grabbed him and wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him away.
"Easy," Jeff whispered in his ear. "Was it hit hard?"
Felix just nodded. It was only after a few seconds that he was able to focus on his face. Jeff pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and held it to his nose. Looking down, Felix saw with longing how the fabric was soaked in red.
"Don't worry, Claude'll fix it. You'll be as handsome as ever," Jeff smiled softly. "Come on, let's go somewhere else."
Turning around, Felix saw the crowd surrounding Elodie, saw how everyone was shouting at her and demanding explanations, as she stood with her head held high and watched him with a look full of hatred. He wanted to call out to her, try to explain everything again, but now he could barely breathe. His head was pounding with pain, and the image in front of his eyes was slightly blurred.
"Come here," Jeff ducked under the low-hanging branches of a fir tree, Felix stepped in behind him. "Sit down."
He slowly sat down on a blanket spread on the roots and stretched out his legs.
"Tilt your head forward, otherwise you'll swallow blood. Come on, hold it together, everything will be fine. Stay here, I'll get you something cold," Jeff said and disappeared from view.
The branches of the fir tree shook, and David emerged from under them. He smiled wryly, squatted down in front of Felix, reached out and took the handkerchief from his hands. Felix shrugged awkwardly.
"Let me see," David whistled slightly. "Your friend has a heavy hand! Don't move."
He held out his hands, and Felix jerked back.
"Do you even know what you're doing?"
David looked genuinely hurt.
"Of course! I've been punched in the face a hundred times, I know what to do!"
Felix raised his eyebrows skeptically.
"Is that why you have an old witch's nose? With all due respect, I'd rather put Claudette's hands on it than yours."
It must have sounded insulting, but David just smiled wider.
"Claude sent me to you. She's too busy right now, keeping Jake from killing your friend," and he turned serious abruptly. "Damn it, Richter, don't be a jerk and just trust me."
"He's right," Jeff said, coming up.
Well, Felix couldn't argue with both of them. He sighed loudly and leaned forward. David confidently cupped his nose with two fingers and moved towards himself. A sharp pain pierced the bridge of his nose, and, unable to restrain himself, Felix rewarded David with a portion of excellent German curses.
"I hope you didn't say anything about my mother," David replied with a laugh.
"I did. I'm sorry," Felix muttered sheepishly.
He tried to inhale through his nose, and it worked. The world stopped blurring before my eyes. It still hurt, but not so much anymore. Jeff, meanwhile, took a big blue and white tube out of his pocket, squeezed some cream onto his fingers and smeared it on the aching spot. From this touch, a pleasant coolness immediately crept over the skin.
"This will relieve the swelling."
"Thank you," Felix smiled sincerely.
David slapped him on the shoulder.
"I told you, you gonna be..." he looked behind the tree, and his face suddenly hardened.
Felix clearly saw his lips move, saying "bitch," and turned around. Elodie was walking away from the Campfire, her shoulders hunched and her hands clenched into fists. She didn't notice them, and Felix breathed a sigh of relief. David tightened his grip on his shoulder and said in a serious tone: "You can be just friends, or even soulmates, or whatever, Felix, but if she lays a finger on you again, I'll forget she's a woman."
"Didn't you start a fight as soon as you got around the Campfire?" Felix asked with a nervous laugh.
"I did," David didn't argue. "And I was a complete dumbass. It quickly dawned on me. We take care of each other here, and we don't stir up conflicts, even if we really want to."
"I'll try to do something," Felix answered him quietly. "But I can't promise anything. Everything between us is... complicated."
"If you don't want to talk about it..." Jeff began hesitantly.
Of course, he didn't want to talk about it. But the past must be overcome, or it will never let you go, right, dad?
Felix stood up and stubbornly lifted his chin.
"Let's go to the Campfire. It's going to be a long and hard story, and I don't want to tell it ever again."
∆∆∆
They listened to him very attentively, without interrupting or taking their eyes off him. They already knew the beginning of the story: a group of teenagers, enjoying every drop of freedom, finds catacombs, and then comes chilling horror and Fog, abducting their parents. Only now Felix calls everyone by their names. He says that they were actually trying to figure out what had happened and bring their loved ones back. Then the story comes to a point where he gets caught up in despair and alcohol, and he tries to look anywhere but at the faces of his friends, because shame burns him, but he doesn't stop. He tells how he sowed the seeds of his own doubt in the souls of the others, how they stopped fighting and simply severed all ties, and only Elodie — independent, proud and stubborn — moved on. Felix admits that he had not seen her for many years and had not tried to find her, that he was too weak to try.
"This's why she's so mad at me," he says softly, looking through a gap in the trees. "And when she's angry at someone, she's angry at everyone, and when she's in this state, she can be just unbearable. I'll try to talk to her, I'll try to fix everything, but I don't know if it'll work out."
"Is… Is there anything we can do to help?" Dwight asked.
Felix looked at him and, to his relief, saw only sincere sympathy in his eyes. And he smiled faintly, making Dwight blush instantly. After all, Dwight was always Dwight: understanding, even if terribly awkward.
"I don't know. I really don't know."
"It's okay," Meg said loudly and cheerfully. "For now, we'll just make sure you don't get into trouble again, and in the meantime, try to deal with Elodie on your own."
"Yes. Thanks."
Finally Felix risked looking around the room. They looked at him calmly and without judgment, and he felt every muscle in his body relax. Hell, he hadn't even realized how tense he'd been, and now he could breathe calmly again.
Felix slowly sat down on a log, lowering his head, and stared at the fire, as if hoping to see a ready-made solution to all the problems there. He felt the attentive stares gradually release him, and it calmed him down.
Someone sat down next to him, and Felix dropped his head onto his shoulder without looking at him.
"How are you?" Ace asked quietly.
"Not good," Felix replied just as quietly.
"Don't think of it as a commitment to us."
"I can't."
"Try it."
"I will."
"You can do it. Get some rest and you'll feel better."
He closed his eyes and felt someone else's warm palm gently slide between his shoulder blades. Lulls him to sleep.
"Will you share your luck with me?" Felix muttered sleepily.
"Of course," Ace replied with a light laugh. "You can handle this shit. It's just a conversation."
It's just a conversation that you've been putting off for years. It's just a conversation that will determine our future. It's just…
On the other hand, it's really just a conversation. Nothing like that. You're just saying the words. People do this all the time. It's okay if you've never been able to do it right. Elodie knows about it.
Elodie knows you. And you know her. You'll be fine. It's just a conversation.
∆∆∆
Of course, he didn't succeed. Not right after he woke up, not a little later. Elodie expertly avoided him and only glared at him from afar. She stopped all Felix's attempts to approach her in the bud: if they met by the Campfire, Elodie jumped up from her seat and went into the woods, and if they bumped into each other there, among the trees, Elodie immediately turned to the fire and pestered Dwight with monotonous questions about the Killers, and he was too polite to tell her to fuck off.
Felix felt like an idiot. And a asshole. He had hurt Elodie so badly, and now he couldn't even try to apologize. And everyone was counting so much on the fact that he would be able to influence her, make her work in a team. The two of them had never been in the same Trial before, but as if that could help. Felix was sure that if Entity has pulled both of them out at the same time, Elodie would have immediately tried to kill him. And he was running out of options for rapprochement.
So he sat among the rounded boulders at a distance from the Campfire and tried to think of something else. He was distracted by someone's furious shout. The voice sounded very familiar, and Felix raised his head tensely. For a few seconds, he wondered if he should go check it out, because he probably wouldn't be able to help anyway. On the other hand, it could have been Elodie.…
And now Felix is already on the way to the camp and hears the choicest swearing. His instincts were right. Emerging from under the low-hanging branches of a fir tree, he saw Meg in the center of the crowd, shouting at Elodie with her hands clenched into fists.
"I've been covering for you all this time! I ended up on the hook instead of you! What the fuck is this shit?! What the actual fuck?!"
"What happened?" Felix asked Ace in a whisper.
"Elodie left her to die," he replied. "Meg thinks there was every chance of saving her. She's probably right."
Felix pursed his lips.
Her anger grows. Stop her before it's too late.
"It's not my fault that you let them catch you," Elodie replied harshly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Not your fault?! I let myself be caught so that you wouldn't fucking die!"
"It was your choice."
"My fucking choice?!" Meg was completely enraged. "Felix said you could be a bitch, but I didn't think you could be that much of a bitch!"
It seemed like she was about to throw herself at Elodie with her fists, and Dwight felt it. He immediately stepped between them, turning to Meg.
"Maggie," he said softly. "Please calm down."
"Fuck you!" Meg snapped in his face. "Fuck you all!" she turned around and strode off into the woods.
Dwight spread his hands helplessly and looked around for support. Jane stood up from her seat.
"I'll talk to her," she said softly, and followed Meg.
Elodie cast a sharp glance at Felix and left the clearing in the other direction.
"Damn," Dwight gasped, and sank down on a log.
"She'll calm down," David assured him. "Do you want me to punch her to make it go faster?"
"Stop it, it's not funny," Dwight immediately frowned.
"Okay," David snorted and stretched out his legs. "But I'm telling the truth. You'll see."
A tense silence gradually returned to the clearing. Felix could feel the eyes on him. Everyone expected him to do something productive, but all the time he was just wandering around the forest and letting his own thoughts eat him alive.
"She won't calm down," Felix whispered, looking down at his feet.
"Do you want to take a walk?" Ace immediately offered.
"It won't help."
"What's the difference? You need to get out of here."
"This is a cowardly escape," Felix hissed through his teeth.
How he hated it: his powerlessness, his desire to hide, himself…
"I prefer the term 'tactical retreat'," Ace said with a slight smile. "Let's go. You'll feel better, really."
"No!" Felix suddenly replied brusquely and defiantly sat down right on the cold ground, staring into the fire.
"Okay, okay. But maybe...?"
"Leave me alone!"
Ace raised his hands reassuringly.
"Fine. I'm already left."
And he turned around and went away. Felix buried his face in his lap, just to hide his face. Everyone around him was staring at him accusingly. Ace was just trying to help. He didn't deserve this outburst of rage against him.
You're a disaster, Richter. Disaster.
∆∆∆
This is a disaster.
Felix was yanked out to the Trial right in the middle of a conversation with Bill, and he felt terrible. They talked about nothing, but Felix felt that Overbeck was about to start talking about Elodie, maybe give some advice or support, and then he felt this hot tension in his stomach and ran to the campfire to get ready.…
There was a very focused Adam, a very pale Dwight, and a very, very tense Elodie.
Of course.
Disaster.
They all turned to Felix, and he tried to smile, although it was probably a grimace of horror. Elodie glared at him and curled her lips contemptuously, and he just wanted to sink into the earth.
"Oh, Felix!" Dwight blurted out nervously. "You're here too!"
Okay, sometimes his awkwardness was annoying.
Felix took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the handle of a small toolbox. He stared intently into the fire and waited.
You are about to find yourself in an arena where you will fight death. Get it together, Richter!
"We'll get out," Adam said softly in his ear. "Don't worry, I'll cover for you."
And he kept his word. I was the first to take Felix off the hook, and I patched him up quickly. He patted me confidently on the shoulder, inviting me to follow him, and smiled wryly.
"You're a lucky guy. Your favorite executioner, your favorite gallows..."
Felix rolled his eyes wearily and sat down next to Adam at the generator.
"You're exaggerating. No one likes Midwich High School and no one likes the Doctor."
"Of course," he snorted. "But still..."
"Wait a second."
Felix sat up cautiously. He could definitely hear someone's quick footsteps: too light for the Doctor, too fast for Dwight. Felix peered cautiously around the corner. He only managed to notice the edge of Elodie's bright shirt disappearing into the next room, and then there was the sound of a locker door slamming shut.
"Shit! Did you hear that too?" Adam asked tensely.
Felix felt his heart sink down. Sticky fear gripped him across his chest.
"This is Elodie," he replied in a hoarse voice. "She revealed us."
"You mean on purpose?" there was disbelief in Adam's voice.
Of course, that didn't make any sense. You can feud with the guy around the Campfire, but when you're on Trial, you work as a team. Always. You just have to accept it.
But Elodie was angry, and she easily broke this rule, and Felix felt even more helpless than usual, and so goosebumps ran over his skin and the short hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he just resigned himself to the approaching pain under Adam's desperate cursing.
The electric discharge pierced every cell of the body. It was impossible to restrain himself: Felix screamed, shrinking into a ball. After an interminably long moment, the pain released his muscles, settling in a throb in his temples. Felix opened his eyes, stumbled back, and fell awkwardly to the floor: the Doctor was standing right in front of him, grinning maliciously. But his elbow was immediately grabbed.
"Quiet, Felix! It's an illusion, he's not here!" Adam hissed furiously. "We need to get out of here before he comes to see who was yelling. Hurry up, come on!"
And they ran down the corridor away from the crackling generator. Felix turned around. The Doctor was already following them, and his face, distorted with furious delight, was illuminated by shining electric arcs.
"We need to split up!" Felix blurted out.
"Okay!"
And Adam darted for the stairs. Felix turned around again. The Doctor followed him without hesitation. Well of course. All that remained was to hope that Adam would get down to fixing the generator quickly, because it would not take long to turn circles around the pallets at Midwich. Felix tried his best, but he was quickly hooked again, tearing his vocal cords with a desperate scream. The Doctor left, leaving him to be torn apart by the Entity. Felix lost track of time. He resisted out of sheer stubbornness. His hands slid over his smooth paws, his shoulder, torn by the hook, was burning, sweat was pouring down his face, and his eyes were dark with tension.
Help! Someone, anyone, please, help!
Strong hands grabbed him under the armpits and pulled him down.
"Hey, hey, quiet, I'm here, I'm with you. It's gonna be okay, breathe, Felix," Dwight muttered hurriedly. "Stay calm, I'll help."
"Thanks," Felix replied, barely moving his tongue. "I thought no one was coming."
"It's gonna be okay," Dwight repeated. "Just hold on. We'll get out of here, I promise."
Felix looked up at him and tried to smile, to somehow express the gratitude that overwhelmed him. Dwight, who was usually shy, insecure, and awkward, became completely different during the Trials. He would undoubtedly throw himself at the feet of the Killer in order to slow him down a little if they were purposefully chasing his teammate; he would run to get someone off the hook even in the most desperate situations; he was ready to sacrifice himself just to fix the last generator and give others a chance; and he never, ever gave up. Felix quickly realized why he had become the leader, and not someone else, more eloquent and confident. Dwight did his best to protect them, support them, and, well, he was also sweet guy.
"That's it, you're fine," Dwight concluded, securing the bandage, but his pulse was already pounding wildly in his temples, and his last hope for salvation or at least a short respite had faded.
Felix looked around: the Doctor came out of the courtyard, swinging a stick.
Fucking shit!
"Run, run, I'll hold him off!" Dwight blurted out with desperate determination and ran straight at the Doctor.
Felix took off in the other direction. Dwight screamed in agony behind him, but he didn't turn around.
If you stop, you'll let him down. Don't let his sacrifice go to waste.
Felix ran, but his heartbeat only accelerated. He risked turning around: The Doctor was still chasing him, leaving Dwight on the ground.
"You really like me, don't you?" Felix groaned in despair.
No matter how fast he tried to run, the Killers were always faster. Sweat flooded his eyes, his knees buckled, betraying fatigue, and his half-healed wounds ached. He need to hold out for only one generator, just one...
The Doctor was catching up. His high-pitched, choking laughter filled Felix's ears. He ran for the stairs. There's a pallet left on. If he manages to get there and drop it, he'll gain a lot of time and maybe hold out until power is applied. He need to make it, just make it...
The rescue pallet was very close. Felix flew down the stairs, panting. And Elodie's slender figure stepped out from around the corner to meet him. Felix's heart sank. He held out his hand to her, just to…
"Please!.."
And Elodie knocked over the pallet; Felix ran into it with his stomach. And in the next second, the electric discharge overtook him. He screamed, his muscles turned to stone, and the blunt end of a stick crashed into his temple. His vision went dark, and Felix collapsed to the floor. He heard a resounding crackle of discharges above his head and the Doctor's anticipatory giggling, through a scarlet haze in front of his eyes he saw a very pale Elodie standing on the other side of the lying board, and then the pain overshadowed everything.
∆∆∆
Felix opened his eyes and moaned, covering his face with his hands. He was sick, his head was pounding, his tongue was barely moving in his mouth, the quietest sound seemed unbearably loud, the brightest light was blinding, and it hurt just to blink, not to do anything else. But Felix somehow got up, clinging to a tree, and wandered towards the Campfire, staggering like a drunk.
"Hey, are you okay?" someone called him from the side.
"Can you keep it down, please?" he said hoarsely, turning towards the voice.
"I'm sorry," Meg said in a whisper, coming closer. "Very bad?"
"Yes," Felix admitted and closed his eyes wearily.
"Doc?"
"Mmm."
"Then I'll ask Claudie for something suitable, okay?"
"It would be nice."
Felix could hear her nervously shifting from one foot to the other and remaining silent, still not daring to leave.
"What's the matter?" he asked, groping against the nearest tree: his knees were shaking.
Meg cleared her throat. Felix knew even with his eyes closed that she was staring at her feet in embarrassment, just not to look at his face.
"Listen… I'm sorry I said that about you. Well, when Elodie left me to die. I didn't want things to turn out this way."
Felix tried to smile as reassuringly as possible, although his cheeks immediately cramped.
"I know. It's okay, I'm not offended."
"Yeah, thanks," Meg said, sounding relieved. "Will you stand here? I'll run away quickly, I promise."
"I know. That's your specialty."
And your specialty is screwing up, Richter.
Such a shame.
Felix didn't stand alone for long. Leaves rustled, and he turned around, peering into the forest, trying to ignore the pain in his eyes. White shirt patch, dark pants, light skin— Dwight. He came back so quickly, so he must have died.
"Hi," he said, approaching. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help..."
"You tried. That's enough," Felix said softly, closing his eyes again.
The pain throbbed in his temples. He wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again, but he knew that if he tried to hide in a dream, he would be overtaken by nightmares. It's better this way.
"Felix, I'm... I'm really sorry about what happened," Dwight muttered, nervously fiddling with the edge of his tie.
Felix rubs his forehead tiredly, trying in vain to ease the pain.
"It's nothing. It's not the first time, and it probably won't be the last."
Dwight was silent for a second, and then suddenly blurted out decisively: "I saw what Elodie did," he obviously kept it to himself for a long time, not daring to say it loud. "And, you know, I wouldn't want to start bullying, honestly, but this is too much. You know that yourself."
Felix imagined Elodie going to the Trials over and over again and dying because the others were setting her up, and she was drowning in pain and loneliness, and there was nothing she could do, and...
"Don't. Please," he said hoarsely. "I know, I have to do something about it, I just..."
"Tired?" Dwight asked softly and put his hand on his shoulder. "We understand, Felix, everything is fine. We are also trying to establish contact with her. It just doesn't work out very well, and that's… It's upsetting."
"It's upsetting." Sure. Dwight is a master at smoothing out sharp corners, but Felix saw with his own eyes how Nea was yelling at him, saying something about "an evil bitch" and "you're not doing shit," and he just looked away, biting his lip until it bled and not even noticing it.
"I just can't," Felix confessed quietly. "I do not know how to approach her."
Dwight hesitated a bit and clapped him on the shoulder encouragingly.
"Don't worry about it, okay? It's my job to make sure we're all fine. And I'll figure something out. I'll find a way. Just try to rest. Look, your personal support is already here."
And in confirmation of his words, Meg's cheerful voice came from somewhere behind him.
"Here I am! Oh, Dwight, hi! Have you already died like the fucking loser?" she added perkily.
"Very funny," Dwight snorted. "I'm so grateful for your concern, Maggie."
"You're welcome, honey!"
∆∆∆
Huddled into a ball, Felix sat on the thick roots of a fir tree, which with its powerful branches covered him from prying eyes. The blood was roaring in his ears. Along with the echoes of Nancy's screams. She was usually patient and calm, but she returned from Trial full of pure rage and immediately went to Felix. He backed away, already knowing what the conversation was going to be about.
"Felix! For God's sake, do something!" Nancy shouted.
Fresh, curved scars spread across her cheeks. Felix was sorry that this had happened, truly sorry, but he couldn't find the strength to tell her about it. Instead, he cowardly ran away.
You said you wouldn't run away, and that's where you are now.
So keep hiding, Richter. That's all you can do.
"Hey?" Are you here?" a familiar voice called softly from behind the dark green curtain.
"Yes," Felix replied hoarsely. "What's the matter?"
"May I come in?"
"If you insist…"
David emerged from under the branches, sat down next to her and asked in a businesslike tone: "Are you hiding?"
No tact. As usual. Felix didn't have the energy left to point it out to him.
"Thinking," he replied, and stretched out his legs, turning away.
"Does your nose hurt?" David continued in the same businesslike manner. "You've been through a lot."
"No. It's been so long."
"And your heart?"
Felix turned to him, raising an eyebrow in surprise. The question was asked in such a serious tone that he thought David had decided to make fun of him, but he looked serious and focused.
"What are you talking about?" he asked carefully.
And David immediately began to look confused. Somehow he shrank, awkwardly shrugged his shoulders and looked away.
"Dude, just don't start it. Talking is not my strongest side, you know. I just want to help."
"I don't think you can," Felix began with a tired sigh.
David immediately jumped up insultingly.
"Actually, I've quarreled with Donny a million times! And I've made peace with him a million times! I know exactly how it is! However, I've never quarreled with him about such important things," he added hastily. "But I don't think that the importance of the problem changes the algorithm of its solution."
Felix sighed once more. Trusting David to solve important personal problems is like playing with a grenade without a check. But as if he had any other options? David is a lousy liar, and if he says he wants to help, then he means it. So why not?
"Elodie is avoiding me, and I don't know how to catch her," Felix muttered, rubbing his temples tensely.
But instead of the expected advice, David snorted loudly and mockingly.
"Dude, you're the one avoiding her!"
"No!" Felix blurted out indignantly. "She runs away every time she sees me!"
"Have you ever tried to catch up with her?" David raised an eyebrow. "I haven't seen anything like that."
Shit.
He's right.
Felix felt himself blushing painfully, and hurriedly stared at his own lap, rather than meet David's gaze.
I... Well, I... It's all just… I didn't think... I'm just…"
"You're just ashamed in front of her and you don't know what to say, so you're scared and you run away from her," David said in a professional tone and slapped him reassuringly on the knee. "Dude, it's okay to be afraid. But you need to get over the fear. You don't even know what she wants you to say, and you'll only understand when you try to talk to her."
Felix spread his hands helplessly.
"I don't know, David. What should I tell her?"
"The truth. That you acted like an asshole and that you're sorry."
"I have already said this."
"But not in private. This is different. Trust me," and David slapped him sharply on the shoulder. "Don't be a pussy, Richter! We're all trapped here, and neither you nor she have anywhere to go. Even if you screw up the first time, you'll have endless more attempts."
"I'm still not sure..."
Felix spread his hands again and turned to him. David was smiling confidently, as if there was nothing complicated about it.
After all, how could it get any worse than it is now?
And even if it does, is that really a good excuse to back off?
"Hey, look, there she is," pushing aside the branches of the fir tree, he abruptly pushed him with his free elbow. "A gloomy expression on her face, she definitely just died, which means she's too tired to gallop away from you through the woods. Great chance!"
"I'm just going to take advantage of her weakness," Felix drawled doubtfully.
But David just grinned.
"Welcome to the major league, dude! When the opponent is weak, they get killed!"
"She's not an opponent, she's my friend," Felix protested weakly.
"It doesn't matter at all. Have you read The Art of War?"
"Of course."
"So have I. So I didn't pull it out of thin air. Come on, go for it."
"I'm pretty sure there was something about cornered rats..."
"Move your ass, nerd!"
And David literally pushed him out of hiding.
Swearing softly and wearily, Felix followed in Elodie's footsteps, trying to catch up with her as quickly as possible so as not to have time to change his mind. In the dimness, stumbling over roots and hiding behind trees, he followed her and tried not to think about anything, so as not to start panicking. Judging by her confident step, Elodie had gone to some specific place, and Felix had to find out where.
And, of course, he didn't expect Jake to step out of the bushes to meet him at all. At first Felix cowardly decided that he just happened to be here, but when he tried to get around him, Jake blocked his way.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
"Talk to her? Yes, I have to do it a long time ago," Felix said decisively.
"Do you think it'll work?"
"I'll try. She's so upset, she won't run away from me."
"That's because I left her to die," Jake quietly remarked, unobtrusively looking away.
"Was she trapped?" Felix asked.
"After what she did to Maggie, to you, and to Zarina, — pretty much."
"Did she frame Zarina?"
"She drew attention to her in order to escape through the hatch," Jake nodded, curling his lips contemptuously.
"Why didn't I know about this?"
"Zarina chose not to talk about it. Like you, I decided it wasn't worth starting a witch hunt. The witch hunt."
So it's that bad...
You have two options: give up everything or do something.
Do anything at all.
"How do you know that? Did Dwight blab it?"
Jake's eyes flashed.
"He didn't blurt it out, but shared it in a friendly way. And I'm not going to tolerate that kind of attitude towards any of my friends."
"That's why I have to try to fix everything."
"You don't have to do anything. Some people just aren't cut out for collaboration."
For a moment Felix thought of agreeing with him. Such a great chance to avoid an unpleasant conversation. Then he remembered the pain of death, and the tired faces of his friends, and the bitterness bursting from within.
No. That's enough of this.
Fight it out. Fight while you can. There is no other way to get rid of fear and pain.
"Let me through," he demanded.
Jake silently rolled his eyes and took a step to the side.
Felix had to run to catch up with Elodie. She stopped in an empty clearing littered with huge, moss-covered boulders and began to wander back and forth, looking at her feet. She was muttering furiously to herself and nervously twisting and untwisting her fingers.
"El... odie?" Felix called, cautiously coming closer.
Elodie roused herself and turned to face him. Anger flashed across her face for a second, but it quickly turned to fatigue.
"What do you want?" she asked rudely, turning away.
Well, at least, as David predicted, she didn't try to hide...
"I'm sorry," Felix breathed. "I'm sorry I left you. I... I shouldn't have… I was scared and I was desperate, I... I'm sorry for hurting you."
Elodie smiled bitterly, still pointedly ignoring him.
"We were in the same boat. It wasn't easy for me either. But you just gave up. Ran away like a coward, dragging others with him...."
"I thought they could..."
"You weren't thinking about anything! You just didn't care, did you?!"
"No, no, it's not like that..."
"You've accepted it!" she shouted accusingly. "You just accepted that you lost your father! You didn't just leave me, you left him too!"
Felix covered his face with his hands and suppressed the tears rising in his throat.
You betrayed yourself, too. Everything you believed in.
But you won't let that happen now. You'll be a better person than before. You can do it. You're already fighting your fear.
And one day you'll be proud of yourself.
"I know what I did," he said softly. "And I apologize for that."
"Will apologizes bring them back?! Will they win back my trust?!"
"They'll save you from having to be mad at me. And it'll be easier for you to be here."
"I don't need it."
"Elodie..."
"I said: I don't need it!"
Elodie was looking straight ahead, and Felix could see how hard she was clenching her teeth. He was tired, very tired. He tried so hard to forgive himself, and he couldn't, and he certainly couldn't expect forgiveness from anyone else.
And he just wanted it to be over.
"I'm going back," he said.
It's time to tell everyone that I can't handle this.
"It's my fault," Elodie said softly.
Felix thought he had imagined it.
"Excuse me, what?"
"It's my fault," she repeated, still looking ahead. "What happened to my parents. To your father. To everyone else. It's my fault."
Felix sucked in a deep breath. Elodie's words touched an old wound, and feeling a wave of nausea, he forced himself to speak: "Don't say that. It was an accident."
"No, it wasn't," Elodie said harshly. "There were symbols in the cave. And it seemed to me that something was wrong with them. And I touched them. And then it all happened. It's my fault."
Felix sighed heavily again. He probably should have felt anger or bitterness overshadowing his mind, but he was just terribly tired… And he also understood why Elodie didn't want the Pariahs to break up until the last moment, and was so desperate to find her missing parents. She only wanted to fix what she had done.
She was just looking for a way to get rid of this pain.
Felix understood her now, and he just couldn't get mad. He slowly approached her, stopped a couple of steps away and said softly: "It's not your fault anyway. You didn't want to, you didn't even know what you were doing. The Entity is easy to fool people's heads. If it wasn't you, it would have been one of us."
"I should have held back..."
"And I should have been stronger and not leave you."
Elodie turned to him, smiling wryly.
"Come on. You didn't do anything like that. I heard what you told everyone when you first appeared at the Campfire. You followed your father when he called you. As far as I'm concerned, you've proved that you care. And I shouldn't have said such things to you, and I certainly shouldn't have hit you..."
"It's nothing. You've literally come back from the dead. David behaved much worse. At least that's what I've been told."
Felix suddenly found himself smiling, easily and freely, as if they were discussing the weather or some innocent hobby. Knitting, for example. And it had been so long since he'd forced a smile, and he felt just fine.
She doesn't hate you.
She just needs help.
"It's alright, El, it's okay..." he began, raising his hands reassuringly, and slowly came closer.
Just don't scare her off, don't miss the moment.
"Are you deaf?!" Elodie blurted out, on the verge of hysteria. "It's because of me that you've been on a binge all these years! It's because of me that you're here!"
But Felix was overcome with relief, and he just couldn't act serious.
"I prefer to think that it's my merit after all."
"Do you really think this is funny?!"
"To be honest, not really, but I don't have much choice."
"You can admit that it's my fault."
"But it's not."
He looked at her and couldn't believe he was so blind. Everything was written on that face: pain, fear, grief, helplessness. And why did he even think that Elodie would be mad at him so much that she would take cruel revenge on him, even though it would be much more logical to try to push him away with cold indifference?
"I ruined our lives. I killed our parents," she whispered, looking straight into his eyes.
"Stop it," Felix said softly.
"You should hate me."
"Probably," he shrugged and immediately stretched out his arms to her. "But I don't want to. Come here."
Elodie hesitated, but stepped forward and buried her face in his shoulder. Her skin was warm, and she smelled delicious of dust, just like she had so many years ago.
"I'm so sorry, Felix," she breathed, her voice trembling. "I'm really so, so sorry."
"I know," Felix gently but confidently hugged her and pressed his cheek against her disheveled hair. "I forgive you."
Elodie burst into tears.
∆∆∆
The Campfire crackled merrily, drowning out the low chatter of the Survivors. Felix sat down heavily on a log and folded his hands in his lap. He had returned from the Trial only an hour ago and felt dead tired. It was hard for him to escape, just like the others. Probably because of this, Felix looked so gloomy that no one dared to approach him, although there was one person who was not so easy to embarrass.
Ace came out of the forest with a springy gait and immediately headed towards him. Felix silently patted the log with his palm, inviting him to join. Ace sat down and immediately nudged him with his shoulder.
"How are you?"
"M-m-m, more or less," Felix replied and leaned towards him in response. "I just really want to rest. And you?"
"Great!" Ace replied cheerfully and immediately lowered his voice excitedly. "Is there any progress with Elodie? I saw how you went to the forest together."
Felix smiled involuntarily and jerked his chin to the side.
"That's not the word."
Elodie was sitting away from the Campfire, half hidden by the heavy branches of the trees, talking to Kate and Yui, and Felix couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her so relaxed. He exhaled and confessed softly: "I think we're friends again."
"But you didn't ask her about it?" Ace asked.
"No, because she doesn't like such questions. But I feel like everything is fine between us now. And she didn't set anyone up for the Trial anymore. And I think she started making friends."
"Congratulations! I knew you could do it!"
"I didn't do anything," Felix muttered in embarrassment. "Everything happened by itself."
Ace laughed and nudged him in the side.
"I don't think so! You're too good to do nothing, sweetheart!"
"Stop," Felix snorted without malice, stretched out his legs and dropped his head on his shoulder. "I want to sleep. Will you keep an eye on me, okay?"
"Smith usually does this, but that's the way it is… You know, he recently pulled me out of such an ass..."
He said something else, but Felix was already falling asleep, and the last thing he saw before he finally fell asleep was Elodie smiling on the other side of the Campfire.