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“Alright, let’s take five.”
Ann groaned as she sat in the nearest chair, slumping against the table in the safe room’s center. “Just five?”
Ren sat down across from her, propping his feet up on the table. “Fifteen… Thirty… Whichever comes first.”
Morgana crawled on top of the table and stood on top of it as the rest took off their masks, resting them on the table. “We’re getting close. Just a little bit further and we’ll find the treasure.”
“And then we can do it all again, right Mona?” Ryuji asked, sitting down with a sigh.
“Look, the point is we can manipulate his cognition into keeping a safe route to the treasure open!” Morgana looked at Ren expectantly. “You get it, right?”
“...Somewhat.” He barely paid the cat’s word salad any attention, far more interested in flipping and twirling his dagger.
Ann sluggishly pulled out her phone, balking at the time. “It’s 5:36…”
“Eight hours…” Ryuji shook his head in disbelief. “Some Sunday we’re having, right?”
“Yeah…” She sighed deeply as she put her head down, her hair cascading over her shoulders without her usual pigtails. “Can I get another round, Mona? I don’t think I have the juice to keep going…”
“We were really cutting it close, weren’t we?” He replied, his expression weary. “Here.”
Ann glanced up as she heard the sound of a glass hitting the table, sitting up straighter as she heard the bubbly sound of champagne being poured. “Thanks…” She wasn’t sure how to feel about her first taste of alcohol coming inside this bastard’s head. She always imagined it being out with her parents, having fun on the town… not desperately savoring each drop, hoping it gave her soul enough stamina to burn whatever’s in front of her.
“I can’t believe we’re really close to the end, though.” Ryuji smiled, shaking his head as Morgana passed him and Ren their own drinks. “If nothing else… you can’t say this is forgettable.”
“I wish it was…” She leaned on the table and frowned. “I wonder how different things will be, seeing and doing so much in here…”
“Ain’t that thought kinda… depressing?”
She took a long sip of her drink, setting it down as she scoffed. “And nothing else here is?”
“I mean sure, but there are... bright spots…” He looked over to Ren, only to find him shaking his head. Ryuji ignored him, rubbing his chin in thought. “Like… the succubi are pretty hot, right?”
Ren’s head fell into his hand as Ann’s brain misfired. “...Sure. Let’s go with that.” She said.
“I mean come on, like…” He looked at Ren with a wide smile. “Dude, you’d totally hit that, right?”
Ren pinched the bridge of his nose in silence as Ann grumbled. “If they weren’t trying to kill us maybe...”
“See, Ann gets it!”
“Panther!” Morgana seethed at him.
“...Panther gets it.”
Ren looked up and gave a slight smirk. “Panther acts like that isn’t a positive.”
Ann nearly choked on her drink, coughing as Ryuji stared back at him. “Dude… The hell is wrong with you?”
“What do you mean ‘what’s wrong’?”
“No, I second this motion.” Ann said, scooting her seat closer to the table.
“Et tu, Panther?”
Morgana sighed. “Y’all don’t know the half of it…”
“Et tu, Mona-chan!?”
Morgana winced in embarrassment. “Please don’t call me that.”
“Mona-sama…”
Ann huffed in bemusement. “...Can we replace Joker with a succubus?”
“Overruled.” Ren said.
The guys began to bicker amongst themselves as Ann sat back and watched, taking another sip of her drink. As much as today was her own personal hell, it could’ve been worse, as depressing a thought that was. At least she had this chance at revenge with an old friend, a guy she met last week, and a cat. Probably better than whatever murder suicide her grieving brain would’ve landed on otherwise. They even took her comment on Ryuji’s hypothetical in stride, probably just seeing it as a quip. Not that it wasn’t one, it didn’t really mean anything more, but they didn’t have the full picture. She was okay with that, as much as it disheartened her to keep her secrets. It didn’t really matter. All that mattered right now was to sit back, forget the bloodshed, and try to be one of the guys. As much as she could, anyway.
Ryuji sat down his drink with a satisfied sigh. “Still, it’s nice to see you relax a bit, Panther.”
Ann gave a slight smile. “I don’t know if I’d go that far…”
“You have it in you to joke around, I’d say that’s enough.” He smiled back at her as she glanced away.
“Well, thanks…”
His grin got wider as he leaned towards her. “I’m just glad we agree on something.”
She rolled her eyes, looking back at him. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”
“Oh, come on!” He continued to smile as she leaned on the table with her elbow. “You think I have bad taste in women?”
“Yes.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.” She waved him off with a cocky grin. “You have no standards, you’d fuck anything with tits and a skirt.”
“Oh please, what are your standards, then?”
She put her finger to her lips as she thought. “Well let’s see, I like girls with certain… Hmm...”
“...Girls?”
She blinked twice as she realized what she said. “Well I mean like, If I was a guy, and… You know?”
“Yeah, I get it…” Ren took a drink of his champagne as Ann averted her eyes. “Keep going, I’m curious.”
“Well, I like… I would like girls who…” Her words caught in her throat, practically choking her as her mouth went dry. She blinked before looking back at the guys, forcing a poor smile. “...Forget it, this is dumb anyway.”
She downed the rest of her drink, slamming the glass on the table while Ryuji looked at her hesitantly. “Um, Panther…”
“Yeah?”
“…You good?”
“...I’m fine.” She gave a confident smile, hoping it hid the tension behind her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well it’s just, you’re a bit…” He moved his head back and forth as she blinked at him. “Flustered.”
She absentmindedly twirled her hair around her finger. “...Just a little tipsy, don’t worry about it.”
He slowly nodded. “Right…”
Ren chuckled, looking at her with a carefree smile. “You’re not a very good liar, are you Panther?”
She looked back at him defensively. “What do you mean? What would I be lying about?” She shouldn’t have asked.
“Not anything in particular…” He swirled his glass around in his palm, his gaze feeling sharper than usual. Was it just her imagination? “You don’t usually hesitate to speak your mind is all.”
“...I just misspoke is all.” Her heart sank a little at the lie. “Don’t read too much into it.”
“...What do you mean?” Ryuji asked.
She averted her eyes, taking a slow quiet breath. “...Nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like… well...” Morgana sighed. “It’s none of my business, I guess.”
Ryuji scratched the back of his head. “...If it’s what you said just now, then…”
“What about what I just said?” She kicked herself as she fumbled her words again. Maybe she really was drunk… No. This wasn’t the alcohol. It was just her being stupid, just like she always was. Just like she was when Kamoshida started targeting her, thinking he’d move on and things wouldn’t get worse. Like when she noticed Shiho kept getting hurt, and didn’t press the issue. Like when she thought there wouldn’t be consequences for not letting the bastard rape her, not knowing the tears and blood she’d shed in regret. “It didn’t mean anything, really.”
“I didn’t think it did…” Morgana shook his head, making throat cutting gestures as Ryuji ignored him. “We were just fucking around, y’know? But...”
“...But what?” She folded her arms on the table, resting her head on them as her smile slowly faded.
“Now I think maybe, you do like…” He awkwardly hesitated before shrugging at her.
She stared at the bottom of her empty glass. “...So what if I do? Would it matter if I did?”
“Of course not! It’s just…”
“...It’s fine. I… Yeah.” She took a deep breath, eyes downcast. “I like girls. I’m bi.”
“...Huh.”
Ren gave a slight, amicable smile. “I’m glad you trust us enough to say it.”
“I mean, why bother hiding it, right?” Because she wasn’t comfortable saying it. She probably trusted Ryuji enough to know, but with Ren, she still barely knew him. His arrest wasn’t just a rumor, either. He assaulted someone, and seeing him fight… He was violent. Not that she was any better today. “You guys have seen a lot of me… What’s a little more?” More than anyone else had, at least. Except for her.
“Hey, it isn’t a big deal, alright?” Ryuji beamed at her as she looked away. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“I’m just... glad you accept me, I guess.” She said, exhaling as she spoke.
“Hey, we’re all thieves here.” Morgana said with a smile. “If we don’t accept you, then who will?”
“Nobody.”
A silence fell over the room at the word. It wasn’t deafening, like if she fired her tommy gun, it was the opposite. It was all she could hear, all she could feel, hyperaware of it bleeding into her mind through her skin. It felt like time stood still, the disquiet boring deeper into her with each passing second. It felt cold in the dark, knowing there was nobody to give blunt words of comfort or encouragement. If only she was here. How many times had Ann had that thought since she died? How much time had she had to herself in that time, without a ghost haunting her? She never believed in ghosts, people with unfinished business causing chaos for the living. Life was funny like that sometimes.
“You aren’t alone, you know.” Morgana said, cutting through the noise just enough to notice.
“...It sure feels that way these days.” She sat up straighter, still leaning over the table slightly. “I haven’t even told my parents. The only person who knew… was Shiho.”
“Well… now we know.” Ren said. “You don’t have to hide it from us.”
“Yeah man, there’s nothing to worry about.” Ryuji’s wide grin was almost irritating. Almost. “We’ve got each others backs after today, right?”
“Heh… I guess hiding it after everything today would be kinda weird, wouldn’t it?” She gave a small smile back. “It’s just… not something I was ready for, I guess.”
Morgana looked at her softly. “With everything going on, I can hardly blame you.”
“Well, you already know what I’m into, anyways.” She leaned back, crossing her arms with a melancholic smile. “This is… far less invasive by comparison.” At least when it came to them. That there were people who it’d be more invasive to know… she’d rather not think about that.
Ryuji chuckled. “I’m not sure what you mean by that, but hey, whatever works!”
“...You don’t need to lie to me.” She said, eyes downcast. “I know you’ve all been thinking it whenever you look at me.”
“No, that’s-”
“I have.” Ren interrupted, raising his hand.
Morgana’s oversized head fell into his palm. “Joker…”
“No, it’s fine…” She looked back at the guys with a nervous smile. “Some image of a rebel I have, right? Putting my kinks on full display…” She gave a weak laugh as her head fell into her hands. “God, this is embarrassing.”
Ren smirked. “Does it help that I think it’s really hot?”
“No, that makes it worse.”
“...Damn.”
Morgana shook his head as Ryuji spoke. “I mean, it’s not that bad. I think it looks good for… whatever that’s worth.”
“You’re just happy you got to stare at my ass all day.” She glared at him with a melancholic expression. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you ogling me any chance you get.”
“That’s not true!” His eyes darted between Morgana and Ren, only to be met with indifference and a grin holding back laughter. “I mean, come on guys! I just, I promise I-”
“It’s okay.” Ann smiled softly. “You just see a hot girl in a latex suit, nothing underneath… Who wouldn’t be looking, right? I know I would.”
Ryuji closed his eyes, sighing before returning her gaze. “...Look Ann, I’m sorry, I really am.”
“...It’s okay. I just… wish I got a choice is all.”
Ren took a sip of his drink before setting it down. “...I think all of us do.”
“Being seen like this is just so violating. It’s so humiliating, so fucking frustrating…” She gave a deep, resentful sigh. “And it’s probably not as bad as just… liking girls.”
Morgana took a few steps closer to her. “...You don’t have to say anything, we… understand.”
Ann scoffed. “Do you really?”
“...No, not really.”
She crossed her arms and frowned. “Do you have any idea what would happen if I was outed? Because I don’t… and it’s terrifying.” She sighed, eyes downcast as she crossed her legs. “I mean, they already call me a slut… say I bring a dozen guys home every night… shame me for things I haven’t even done…”
“I can kinda relate, if that helps.” Ren smiled kindly as she looked up at him. “Same song, different dance.”
“I guess if anyone’d understand…” She blinked, leaning against the table. “I overheard some girls talking about me a couple days ago.” She blinked again, her eyes becoming distant as she took a breath. “They were making bets on how soon I’d get pregnant. One of them said… She said I’d…” She choked on the words, practically gagging as she failed to speak, simply shaking her head instead as she collected herself. “It’s not even like I don’t have interest in sex… I mean, you kinda knew that already, but still…” She mumbled as she trailed off, closing her eyes. “God, just kill me now...”
“Makes you wonder if some people are worth helping.” Ren said, eyes sharp as Ann opened hers and returned his gaze.
“They aren’t.” It was honestly a good thing their motives were entirely selfish. It was easier than bleeding to save people she hated. “It even started to wear off on Shiho. What people started to say about her just for being close to me… What they’re still saying even after she…” She looked down at the table, a burning rage in her eyes as a solitary tear fell down her cheek.
The guys glanced between each other, at a loss for words. Not that there were any words that could help her. There were no platitudes to stave off death, neither those of others or yourself, and living meant experiencing many of both. Ann always consciously knew the former, but it always seemed so distant from her reality. She never realized the latter, how her own deaths could make life stand still, as if her pulse stopped and she could only watch the world pass by without her. It wasn’t fair.
“But even still, Shiho… She stood by me, she refused to leave me…” She didn’t look up, simply staring wide-eyed at nothing as a maelstrom coalesced within her gaze. “And now she’s dead because of me.”
“It’s not your fault, Ann.” Ren said, glancing at Morgana as he nodded back.
“It’s easy to say that, but actually believing it…” She smiled sadly as she took a deep breath. “She was the only person who accepted me for who I am, and now that she’s gone…”
“We can’t replicate her place in your heart, but we can make a new one.” Morgana gave a comforting smile as Ann looked up at him. “It won’t be the same… but you can still keep going.”
She blinked as she glanced away again, eyes blue like forlorn heaven. “Sometimes I wonder if I even want to keep going…”
“Well, you’re still going now, aren’t ya?.” Ryuji smiled wide as she met his eyes. “No point stopping now, right?”
“A little hate goes a long way…” She gave a slight smile back. “I just wish there was less of it.” Wished that she didn’t need to be afraid of it. That people wouldn’t judge or fetishize her for things she couldn’t control, even if she stayed in the closet forever.
“You said she was the only one who accepted you…” Ren looked at her softly. “What about your parents?”
Ann’s smile faded. “They’re mostly fine, but...”
“You aren’t comfortable enough to come out to them.”
“..Yeah.”
Ren glanced away before looking back, sitting properly as he leaned forward, meeting Ann’s eyes. “Do you think they wouldn’t take it well?”
“...I don’t know.” She sighed, resting her cheek against her fist. “My mom is pretty religious. I’d like to think she wouldn’t care, that she’d love her only daughter no matter what, but…”
“You’re not sure?”
“...They’re barely in my life as is. Wouldn’t be hard to cut me off completely.” It would probably be easy. It’s not like anyone needed her, at least not anymore. “I mean, I think she’d be fine with it, I’m just… so scared. I don’t know what would happen and I’m scared.”
Ren gave a relaxed smile. “Well, if you ever get disowned, I’ve got a nice couch you can sleep on.”
“You won’t even give me the bed?” She gave a brief chuckle. “I think I’ll pass.”
He waved her off. “We can work out the details later.”
“You’re a gentleman thief, Joker.” Morgana scowled at him. “Where’s your chivalry!?”
“Left it in my hometown.” He took a sip of his drink as Morgana balked at him. “Didn’t do much good for me.”
“What kind of excuse is that!?”
Ann snickered at the display. “I’d rather that than be treated with pity, if that helps.”
Morgana stared at her in shock. “Don’t defend him, Panther!”
“Too late for that, Mona.” She pulled out her phone, checking the time. “It’s been a while… we should probably finish our drinks and get going.”
“Should we really, though?” Ryuji asked. “I’d hardly call this break refreshing…”
Morgana smirked at him. “Wanna stay here ‘til 3 AM, then?”
“Hell no! I just… I dunno.” He took breath and grinned. “I guess Ann’s good to go, then I’m good too.”
“PANTHER!”
“Oh, shut up Mona!”
Morgana groaned as Ann and Ren watched in mild amusement. “Hey, about your parents…”
Ann tilted her head, meeting Ren’s gaze. “…What about them?”
“If things ever get worse with them…” He smiled slightly. “I’m willing to lend a hand if need be.”
Her eyes briefly widened in surprise. “Oh, don’t worry about it!” She smiled back, a slight brightness in her eyes. “Things are good between us, really… But thanks.”
Morgana nodded in approval. “See, that’s more like it, Joker!”
“...No, I’m a thief, not a knight.” He put his hand to his heart with a sly smile. “The fair lady need not a defender for her honor.”
“What? Because I have none?” She motioned to her catsuit with a bemused smile.
“...Because the lady fights for her own maiden’s honor.”
She gave a small laugh, smiling as she shook her head. “You make it sound like we were dating.”
Ren smirked. “Then why are you blushing?”
“Because you’re embarrassing me!” She crossed her arms, pouting as Ren laughed at her.
“Alright… how’s one last toast before we go?” Ren asked, holding up the last of his drink.
Ryuji followed suit with a wide grin. “Sounds fine by me!”
“Me too.” Ann held up her empty glass as Morgana silently followed their lead.
“Alright.” He stood from his chair, holding the glass higher. “To gay people!”
“To gay people!” The three guys downed the rest of their drinks as Ann stared at them in silence.
“...Seriously?”