it only feels this raw right now

by silverjunie

Summary:

Oh.

I'm falling in love.

Cale Henituse had never been one to hope for romance.

With his reflexes around people he doesn't like, especially bastards who get on his nerves in the worst kinds of ways, he knew no one would even think about someone falling in love with someone like him, of all people.

“What kind of art are we doing?”

Ah, and there is this one.

Choi Han.

He was too kind for Cale's standards. 

Oh no.

I've fallen in love.

 

Cale Henituse had never been one to hope for romance. 

 

With his reflexes around people he doesn't like, especially bastards who get on his nerves in the worst kinds of ways, he knew no one would even think about someone falling in love with someone like him, of all people. 

 

Rowoon High is just another Academy in terms of the population of the students. The quality of said students was the reason it was so popular. Cale Henituse knew his own qualities circling around his reputation- Trash, Bastard, Failure- But only people like Alver Crossman, Rosalyn Breck, Roksu Kim and his ever loving boyfriends Jungsoo Choi and Soohyuk Lee, are the only ones who knew his qualities hidden under the reputation he keeps. 

 

Brilliant. Capable. And Artistic. 

 

He was born like this, and as he grew up, he knew he had to hide these. 

 

His father was too kind, too forgiving, and Cale will only ever put down his act if his father can finally see how badly he'd hurt him. How upset he was at what he did, and kept doing. 

 

“What kind of art are we doing?”

 

Ah, and there is this one. 

 

Choi Han. 

 

He was too kind for Cale's standards. 

 

“You know traditional, so why not just go with it?”

 

Choi Han scoffed, “And what about you, huh?” 

 

Cale snickered. Too considerate for his own good, too. 

 

“I can do traditional, digital, and performing. I can literally do anything, How about you?” He smirked. The bastard was turning red from what he assumed was annoyance and he's only enjoying the sight because of that attractive face. 

 

He's beautiful too. 

 

“Then let's just try traditional and if we aren't satisfied, then let's change to performing. I assume you know how to play one instrument?”

 

“I can play four.” Of course, he's boasting. 

 

“How arrogant,” But Choi Han just chuckled. 

 

Shit, that was hot. 

 

Choi Han probably saw his cheeks burn. But from the glare he's giving him, he also might've thought he was annoyed. “That's because I have something to be arrogant about!” Well, he clearly is annoyed too. Who the hell said this bastard could trample on his pride just because he's hot!? “How about you, got nothing to be proud of, Mister The Athlete of Rowoon High?” 

 

“Oh, I have one.” Now, that smirk is too ominous. 

 

“I am working with the Cale Henituse, the ever talented and brilliant student of Rowoon High—”

 

A pillow got thrown at him. “Can you not!” Cale was furious! There's no way this bastard is real! Teasing trash as if he's teasing a friend, Unbelievable! 

 

Well, Choi Han is not about to give up if it weren't for a butler to come in and tell them that dinner is served.

 

Choi Han excused himself and said he needed to go home to his family. 

 

Cale was left in his own room, wondering why the temperature suddenly dropped. 

 

And then so did his heart. 

 

Oh. 

 

Oh. 

 

Cale Henituse bit his lip in realization.

 

I'm falling in love.

 

---

 

Sculpting is something that connects him with his new family. Violan was elegant and strict, but she was a loving mother. Bassen was shy and soft-spoken, but he was determined. His father may be a coward but he moves for the sake of them and with his family in his heart. 

 

Cale, the only burning red in the house full of brown, was a mixture of all of them. 

 

However, for the servants that served them long before the late madame was here, there was only one appropriate way to word it. 

 

‘He inherited his personality from Madame Jour.’

 

The fiery, brave, kind and brazen Jour Thames who later married into a Henituse. Her bloodline was not introduced to the extended family, only that they knew they weren't known and they intended to let it stay that way. 

 

“I loved my mother's voice first.” He found himself, three nights into overthinking the quality of their shared project, talking to Choi Han and revealing what his mouth could utter to say in front of his only groupmate. 

 

“I loved how she taught me how to serenade someone through a guitar.”

 

And I wished I could someday do that to you.

 

Choi Han was quiet, and during these times Cale wished he could read his mind and wonder if the black haired man sees him more than what he lets the public see. But that was too far-fetched; Cale has never been found out. 

 

And it might stay that way until he was only ashes, as what his mother had become. 

 

He started strumming the guitar, thinking of a song to sing that's compatible with his voice. 

 

“I'll tell you the truth,” He glanced at Choi Han, wanting to see where he's looking, just to see his eyes focused on him, a look that he never saw anyone having when they're looking at him. 

 

“But never goodbye.”

 

His pupils were dilating, and he wondered if he was okay. 

 

“I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you.”

 

He closed his eyes as he sang the chorus, Choi Han's eyes were still stuck in his mind as he tried to calm down his breathing so he could properly deliver the lyrics. 

 

“I don't wanna think of anything else now that I've thought of you.” 

 

All throughout the song, Choi Han was all in his mind. 

 

When he finished, his first thought was to look at Choi Han's reaction. 

 

He was smiling softly, his black orbs only focusing on Cale's auburn ones. Cale felt his cheeks burn. “Cale, that was great. I liked it.”

---

Oh no. 

 

I'm falling in love. 

---

 

Cale was many things and a light sleeper was one of them. There was no noise or disturbance, but he could feel someone staring at him. 

 

It may have been rude and if they were in different situations, he may have kept up the act of trash throwing curses and threats. But this time, he stayed still. He's basking in the thought of waking up with someone after more than a decade of being alone. 

 

Choi Han ended up staying with him and sleeping in his bed after not realizing the time and forgetting to go home. It was already midnight and he asked Cale if he could stay with him longer, so he did. 

 

Cale already thought of keeping him in his room, it's just his luck for Choi Han to have the same thing in mind. 

 

He heard him groan in pain and he remembered that they also forgot to eat dinner last night. Cale might be used to this but he doesn't want Choi Han to get used to these kinds of habits. He opened his eyes and looked at him, still laying down on his admittedly comfortable bed. 

 

“Bastard, you didn't eat yesterday, didn't you?”

 

He heard him sigh. “Wow, congrats. How did you know?” 

 

“Dumbass! Come on, have breakfast with me!” Cale wanted to get up right away and dragged Choi Han to the dining hall. As trash, he can do that, actually.

 

“If I don't want to?” Cale frowned. That did not cross his mind. 

 

“Did I say you can say no?” 

 

Cale heard him laugh, it wasn't the laugh he had with his friends. It doesn't sound genuine to Cale, because of course he's familiar with it. He's done it before. 

 

Fast forward to when they were in the dining hall, the servants had already given them their meals and one look and they already knew they needed to leave. 

 

Choi Han was seated beside Cale, they were near the position of the head of the household and Cale was seated in the heir's seat. 

 

“Why are you red? Is it hot here? Or are you having a fever?” He frowned. He put his hand on Choi Han's forehead and checked his temperature but as he did so, he raised an eyebrow. 

 

Proper seating arrangements were forgotten as he didn't realize that Choi Han knew that in a household, the seat beside the heir's seat was reserved for their lovers. 

 

“You don't have a fever, but it's not really that hot here. Do you have sensitive skin or do you like having breakfast with me?” 

 

Choi Han huffed, “Just eat, Cale.” 

 

“Not even gonna answer me? How rude, Hyung.” He snickered. Teasing someone felt like second nature to him, but this is the first time he's done it without having ill intentions. Also a first for his heart to beat loudly and fastly in his chest pleasantly. 

 

Choi Han hadn't touched his food yet, and Cale was still looking at him. 

 

A smile. 

 

Cale raised an eyebrow, he's not about to turn into a blushing mess at breakfast. 

 

“So, what if I did like having breakfast with you? What does that make me?” 

 

He takes it back, there are times when he can turn into a blushing mess at breakfast. And it's all this bastard's fault. 

 

“Liar!” Choi Han grinned at his attempt to slap his shoulders, “You! How dare you smile like that at breakfast!” 

 

Choi Han laughed in disbelief. “Let's just eat, Cale. Or do you want me to feed you while holding your hand?”

 

“Shut up! It's too early for that!” 

 

“Oh, you want to do it at lunch? Sure thing, Darling.”

 

Hearing Choi Han's laugh so close to him instead of just watching him from afar made everything felt so surreal. It's as if everything is just an illusion of a happy time and he'll drown in despair later. 

 

Cale hopes Choi Han will hold his hand at every chance he'll have. 

 

He looked away

from Choi Han's handsome face to eat away his embarrassing thoughts. Choi Han was humming at the delicious food in front of him as he ate. 

---

Oh. 

 

I've fallen in love. 

---

 

 

Notes:

mkay, so i was told that im sad bcz I haven't written anything in years... like literal years so my creativity is mourning the freedom it once has in freely flowing through the veins in my physical form that is my hands. so i obviously had to do what i had to do: write.

anw, im still not in a hurry to write my on going fics (i have like, 1?) due to, unfortunately , personal problems, so have this one instead.