Inertia

by vanilla_cotta

Summary:

Sakura pretends to be a Dom for a variety of reasons, but moments after the Noroshi War, he finds himself dropping. Intending to deal with the Sub Drop alone, Sakura finds a place to hide to ride it out and lick his wounds. However, it's not long before Togame finds him, but after everything that Sakura has gone through, can Sakura ever bring himself to trust a Dom again?

Chapter 1

Sakura was eleven when he had gotten his Dynamic Results. His aunt, who had clearly looked distressed, when she had brought him to a nearby clinic couldn’t help but pace and bite at her thumbnail as she and Sakura quietly waited for a nurse to draw his blood, request lab results, and eventually leave the room to go grab a doctor.

His aunt was clearly cagey in a way that Sakura had never seen her before, and despite the bad blood between the two of them, there was something in her gaze that had made Sakura’s blood go cold, while saliva started to pool inside his mouth. He had felt nauseous, and for the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she had brought him here. His aunt and uncle only took him to the clinic for vaccinations, while everything else: colds, flus, fevers, allergic reactions… Sakura had to deal with all of those alone.

So, having his aunt bring him to the clinic and look worried at that—not for him though, but for the situation that Sakura was in, Sakura struggled to remember what had happened that day. Only to conjure up spinning colors, static, and the words, “If you want to be a good boy, you’ll have to do as your uncle says.” Sakura suddenly feels worse, so much so that he leans to the side of the exam chair to vomit. While his aunt, who was struggling to face whatever she had faced that day, ended up going off the rails on him. Which had only made Sakura feel worse as she was quick to yell and grip his upper arms until Sakura could feel the finger-shaped bruises take shape like temporary tattoos.

Something awful had happened to him, and Sakura? He couldn’t remember any of it, except the overwhelming feeling of wrongness and a fear that he had never felt before. He had felt oddly disgusting—absolutely dirty, as if tiny, invisible bugs had decided to scurry back and forth across his skin—and his sudden vomiting had nothing to do with that sensation. It had just made him feel disgusting in a different way…

A more physical way than the lack of memories and the sudden feeling of wrongness that had taken root inside his body.

Tears had prickled at his eyes, and Sakura, who had done everything he could to not cry in front of others, had remembered wanting to bawl like a baby. But as he took in his aunt’s expression… 

Her yells… 

Her… 

Her everything. 

He had murmured, “Sorry,” instead. Because in that moment, Sakura had truly recognized that he wasn’t at the clinic for him, but for her.

She had wanted to know something about him, while Sakura had to deal with all of these confusing feelings alone. Which wasn’t exactly new, but after what had happened that day—what had spooked his aunt so bad that it had caused her to bring him to the doctor in the first place—Sakura had found himself reminded once again that no one actually cared about him or his wellbeing.

Something had happened to him, but instead of telling him what had happened and taking care of him, let alone protecting him because he was still a child, Sakura knew that he would have to do that for himself.

Adults were mean.

And they were selfish.

But more than that, they were absolutely cruel to human beings like Sakura.

And Sakura?

He should have known better, especially since he was constantly hurt, belittled, and tossed aside for his freakish looks and belligerent nature…

Bratty…

Feeling sick once again, Sakura had pulled himself away from his aunt to force his way to a nearby bathroom to throw up spit and bile.

And when he had come back, the nurse and doctor having cleaned up his mess, his aunt could barely keep her anger under wraps as she looked through the documents that she had just been given.

Documents that clearly had information about Sakura.

Sakura wasn’t prepared for the doctor to sit him down and tell him, a freaking child, that his Dynamic had appeared early and that he was a Submissive.

Not a Dominant, or a Switch, or a Non-dynamic, but a Submissive.

And the reason his aunt had brought him to the doctor to get his Dynamic Results was because she had believed that he had undergone a Sub Drop.

Not necessarily a bad one, but because of his age, it was a concerning thing. Especially since to keep him from going through another one again, Sakura had to allow others—people he trusted and felt secure with—to take care of him and to take control whenever he had felt overwhelmed.

But by that point, Sakura had stopped listening.

Had stopped breathing.

Because as the doctor continued to drone on about the different things that Sakura might experience as a Submissive, Sakura finally realized—at least realized enough—about why his aunt had truly brought him here, why she was furious with him, and why his soul had felt undeniably dirty.

His uncle.

Rage had replaced fear and sickness, but before Sakura could scream.

Could destroy.

His aunt had come up behind him to whisper in his ear, her voice absolutely frigid. “You better not start something you freakish child, because it is your fault that I ended up finding you with my husband.”

Sakura, who had just come into being a Submissive, could do nothing more than deflate at his aunt’s words.

Her commands.

He had forgotten.

She was a Switch.

In that moment, she had addressed Sakura as if he were a Sub that was stepping out of line. While Sakura’s Submissive, who was still very much hurt and scared and needing of attention, even if that care had come from someone he couldn’t trust, took over and made him lose even more.

Eventually, Sakura would come to learn the reason for why he had lost so much. Never mind the reason for why he had given in to the Dominants and Switches around him for the first few years of being a Submissive. However, by the time he had managed to learn that, it hadn’t really mattered anymore. Because after being everyone’s punching bag or plaything, Sakura had found himself locking many things away.

The trauma; the ability to give up control; the desire to be cared for by others; and ultimately, his submission, Sakura had put everything in a chest before he was throwing away the key. Sakura couldn’t let what had happened to him, happen again.

Not anymore.

He acted like a Non-dynamic, and by the time he was fifteen, he could finally leave his hometown with a fake ID and a hundred ways to shut up his Sub.

However, to keep himself safe at Furin, he had decided to present himself as a Dom…

Except that had lasted all of three months before it came crashing down like a house of cards after the Noroshi War.

Endo.

Takiishi.

Umemiya.

(Togame.)

He had been around way too many powerful Doms, all of whom who could probably control a hundred Subs if they had wanted. While many of his insecurities had been brought up and used against him during his fight with Endo, which had ultimately caused him to falter for a second—a moment—and eventually question himself after Umemiya’s win and what it had meant. The idea of not being good enough had wrapped itself around his throat like a too-tight collar. Only for the adrenaline crash to have been the final straw.

Sakura, barely clearheaded enough to dismiss himself to find a place to let his Submissive nature take over, was prepared to deal with what could be one of the worst Sub Drops of his life alone. But what Sakura wasn’t prepared for was someone finding him, and a Dominant at that. Let alone the memories that would overtake him, because as much as Sakura was used to treading water…

Occasionally being submerged by waves that had threatened to drown him.

This?

This had felt worse.

Notes:

Thanks for reading. I'll do my best to have another chapter out soon. Please comment if you have a moment and liked anything about the story so far.

//

Dom/Sub Verse - This is a little similar to Omegaverse but you have Doms/Dominants, Subs/Submissives, Switches, and Non-dynamics. Suppressant-like drugs aren't a thing in this version of this universe. Occasionally a person can present as a different Dynamic, but it's based on being able to make behavioral changes and deal with the aftereffects of those changes - which can occasionally be dangerous and take a toll on a person's mental and physical health/wellbeing.

Chapter 2

Notes:

Thank you for all the comments, I appreciate them. I hope you enjoy the update!

It had most likely started with Endo. His commands had been like slithering snakes moving across Sakura’s skin, weighing him down and choking him. The insecurities that Sakura had pushed down before that fight—for the last couple of months—had bubbled up to the surface, while Endo’s words “You’re going to drag them down and drown them with you... Do you have no shame?” had left his inner Submissive shaking… Silently crying and curling in on itself like a scared, rejected child.

It had made him sick, weak, and the only thing that had stopped it—at least, momentarily—had been the calling of his name.

The word Sakura had been wrapped within a firm, yet warm, command; the warmth of it had seemed to have the power to knock Sakura back to his senses. While deep inside, Sakura’s Submissive had uncurled itself, and when Sakura had seen Togame with Hiragi, the two of them having jumped into his fight with Endo to protect him, Sakura had felt a flicker…

A flicker of something he couldn’t name or place, but had yearned for anyway.

Then that feeling was overtaken by his friends’ kind words and the continued urgency of the situation. Sakura’s Submissive had no time to bask in the care that his friends had shown, because Endo was still ten feet away and Umemiya had counted on him to win.

Dominant against Dominant, and Sakura, in all of his lies, had to uphold that.

He needed to.

So, he got his shit together, had found it within himself to make sure everyone understood that he was okay—that he would not break down, and he re-entered the fight.

It didn’t matter if he didn’t win; he had just needed to not lose, and it had taken Sakura everything to make that happen. Even if Endo’s words and actions had hurt, Sakura had stomped down any possible feeling that could lead to his unraveling: his inner Submissive unable to take it anymore.

Then, he had won, even if it hadn’t felt like winning to him because all Sakura had done was do his best to not lose. And when he and Endo had made their way up to the roof, only for Sakura to see Umemiya fight against Takiishi, Sakura couldn’t help but find himself stilling at the sight.

Wild and relentless, Umemiya was completely unlike the Umemiya that Sakura had known. So much so, that Sakura hadn’t known how to feel, but his Submissive on the other hand had.

It had only taken one look at Takiishi…

At Umemiya.

Before Sakura had felt a shift within himself—something much stronger than what he had experienced with Endo. But just like with Endo, Sakura’s Submissive had wanted him to drop to his knees and whimper at their feet. His Submissive didn’t care if he had looked stupid or desperate; it had only cared about him being good—obedient—for a Dominant.

A strong one at that.

And if Sakura had tried hard enough, he would have been able to hear his Submissive’s cries, “If you let me, I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good!”

Nerves starting to tingle, and not in a good way, Sakura had forced himself to appear unaffected. But the overwhelming presence of those three had made him want to vibrate out of his skin. It didn’t matter if he had ached, that his whole body felt as if it would seize up as soon as he would make his way into bed, making it impossible for him to walk tomorrow, Sakura could only focus on what was currently going on in front of him.

Sheer willpower was the only thing keeping him on the precipice of falling, his tightrope back beneath his feet, but less sturdy than it had been before.

And when Umemiya had won, collapsed on the ground with a smile on his face, the older teenager having brought up a fist to give Sakura a fist bump, Umemiya’s resolve continuing to shine bright and true, Sakura had felt another shift.

This one was even more apparent than the last, but so much more unwelcome than everything else he had felt that day. Sakura had found that his joints had turned into jelly, while his muscles twitched reflexively at the sudden desire to take Umemiya’s fist and hold on to it for dear life as he quietly fell to his knees with the intent to humble himself. Sakura’s mouth trembled with the sudden need to out himself as a Sub…

The idea of it easily had him crashing.

Flatlining.

And if Sakura had wanted to keep his secret, he knew that he would need to get away. Every fiber of his being had told him that he couldn’t do this here, not now, not after everything that had happened. Especially since Umemiya had seen him as a Dom—the entire school did—and Sakura, although he was starting to trust and lean on others, knew that they wouldn’t be able to understand this…

This…

This need to hide himself away.

Especially when he was a terrible Sub to begin with—an unruly, damaged one at that. Never mind him being the type of dumb Sub that didn’t even know how to submit right.

Couldn’t.

Not after what had happened when he had presented at eleven.

The wounds were way too fresh—too raw. Even if he had understood that Umemiya or anyone else at Furin weren’t the type to take advantage of a Sub, it wouldn’t have mattered. His body—his soul—could only believe otherwise. So, giving an excuse to get away, to deal with these sudden feelings alone, Sakura had all but scurried away to a place where he could safely fall apart.

A place where he could do so all alone, even if it would make the Sub within him cry.

 

/XXXXX/

 

Deep down, Togame knew that Sakura was different. The pure energy that he had felt from the other teen when they had met—when they had fought—had felt so much different from the energy he could pick up from his friends and family. And even when Sakura and the others had left that day with the two gangs having become friends, Togame couldn’t help but wish he could see Sakura again…

To experience his energy.

To harness it.

To devour it.

(To caress it and make it grow.)

And then, Sakura, with a fire in his eyes, had come to their turf to ask for help, and all Togame could do was say yes. Because, like every other time that he had interacted with Sakura, there was something about him… Something that had made him—his inner Dominant—want to do something.

Anything.

Almost as if Sakura was a Submissive, but not just any Submissive, but a Submissive that had matched Togame’s Dominant proclivities. Except, Sakura wasn’t a Sub.

He wasn’t a Switch or Non-dynamic either. He was a Dominant, with a powerful aura to match.

Which had honestly felt weird to Togame, but everyone on Sakura’s team had treated him as such. So, even if his Dominant had wanted to think otherwise, Togame figured that he would have to treat Sakura like he did with every other Dominant that he knew, liked, and respected. Especially since he had wanted Sakura to be one of his friends.

So, he had agreed to help, and if his Dominant had been quite pleased at the thought, then that was something for only Togame to know.

Then the Noroshi War happened, and Togame, unable to explain why he had wandered around Furin High until he had found a dilapidated shed behind the school, had suddenly found his world growing… Shrinking. Focusing until all he could see, feel, and hear was Haruka Sakura…

While Sakura’s lie—the facade—had finally been stripped away, leaving nothing but a Sub…

A Sub who had needed a Dom…

Their Dom.

(But only if Sakura was willing to have him.)

Chapter 3

Notes:

Thank you for all the support so far. I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter. :)

Shhhhhhhhhhhr.

The sound of the sliding door was loud as Togame made his way into the shed, his eyes scanning the contents of it. The words “Sakura, are you there—” are quick to die in his throat as his gaze finally lands on the smaller teen who’s barely hidden by a couple of boxes. 

Sakura is scrunched up into a ball. He’s shaking back and forth with his hands clawing at his hair. He’s mumbling something that Togame can’t make out...

His nose wrinkles at the fresh scent of iron, only for him to notice the smears of blood littering Sakura’s fingers and under his nails. There was even a couple of flecks of reddish-brown in his damp, white hair. If he had to guess, the blood had to be from self-inflected wounds—scratches most likely.

The longer he stares and takes in Sakura’s form: the trembling, the distress, the lack of energy that Sakura was known for having been stripped away… The PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease let me serve you, any of you… is what alerts him to what he’s suddenly witnessing.

A Sub Drop, but not like any Sub Drop that Togame had ever seen, and while he hasn’t seen a lot—mostly what has been depicted in media—he knows that this isn’t… This isn’t normal by any means.

It’s too…

Too intense.

Almost as if Sakura was experiencing multiple Sub Drops at once—almost as if it was a super Sub Drop.

The ‘Why is it happening to Sakura?’ doesn’t even cross his mind, because deep down, Togame had figured that Sakura wasn’t what he had appeared to be. Even if Togame had tried to play it off and tell his internal Dom that it was wrong, because Sakura’s friends and peers had treated him like one. Togame believed that he might have been wishfully thinking about Sakura in that way because Togame’s Dom had wanted to believe that Sakura was anything but a Dom.

Except Sakura carried himself like one…

Sakura acted like one…

Sakura didn’t give in to anyone’s commands—How did he do that? How was that possible?

There wasn’t anything that screamed Sakura was anything but a Dom, never mind a Sub, but Togame’s Dom had suspected—yearned for it—and having it see Sakura in this state… It was… It was angry…

Worried.

Because it was dangerous for a Sub to deal with a Sub Drop alone, and seeing Sakura hide himself like this—like he was going to deal with this alone. How could he not worry?

And if Sakura had been leading people on about him not being a Sub for months, if not much longer than that, then this Sub Drop—what he was currently witnessing—was going to be terrible.

If not life-threatening, it would be if neither of the two were careful.

So steeling himself for Sakura’s sake, he cautiously made his way to where Sakura was sitting to fall into a crouch so that he looked a little less imposing—less scary. Togame knew that his bigger frame could do that if Sakura didn’t recognize him and perceived him as a threat if he was too far gone in his Sub Drop to understand that Togame was a friend and not some random Dom from the wrong side of the tracks.

Reaching out, Togame set his hand on Sakura’s shoulder, so that he could softly give, “Sakura, it’s Togame. Your buddy from Shishitoren. You had asked me to come here and help you out.”

Seeing Sakura flinch and harshly bark, “I don’t need a master: I don’t want one! I can take care of myself!” Togame tried not to take the reaction personally, because whatever it was, it had to be rooted in mistreatment, and Togame knew it was someone else’s fault that made Sakura feel that way.

The idea of someone mistreating Sakura—mistreating him as a Sub—had made Togame and his Dom burn in fury. However, he couldn’t let Sakura see or feel that fury, because if he did, he’d probably take it the wrong way. Especially with the state that he was in.

So, lightly squeezing Sakura’s shoulder again to get his attention so that it was on him and not some imaginary person who only he could see. Togame replied, his voice low but warm, “Sakura, buddy, I’m not here for that... Your friends and I would never take that position if you didn’t want it.”

Sakura’s head turned so that he could look at Togame, but his pupils were dilated and shaky—almost unseeing. Sakura took seconds to recognize him, except what Togame had thought to be recognition was quickly replaced with shock as tears developed in the corner of Sakura’s eyes. His words, “You… You wouldn’t want to be my master?” were a dead giveaway that something wasn’t right.

Mouth turning into a frown despite his idiot Dom preening at the idea of Sakura becoming his Sub, Togame knew that this wasn’t Sakura speaking, but this Sub. Sakura’s previous statements had to have been Sakura’s last ditch efforts at fighting off his Sub, and if that didn’t tug at Togame’s heart, Sakura’s next actions had completely stopped it. 

Bloody hands letting go of his hair to swiftly situate himself so that he was sitting on his knees in front of Togame, giving him his full attention. Sakura’s hands had reached out to grab onto Togame’s extended arm. Only for Sakura’s voice to shake as he asked, “Am I… Am I a b-bad S-Sub? I-Is that why you—”

No!

Never!

How could Sakura ever say such a thing?!

Except this wasn’t Sakura, this was his Sub, and for whatever reason, his Sub was screaming to have someone—anyone—give him what he needed. Except, this was obviously something that Sakura didn’t want or could consent to, so Togame, despite his and his Dom’s desires to have Sakura as a Sub, wanted Sakura willingly.

This was the furthest thing from willing.

And knowing how much Sakura had fought his inner Sub to get to this point—the point where his Sub couldn’t take it anymore and had forced him to submit, to act docile and wanting—Togame instinctually knew that Sakura needed him to put a stop to this.

Except, that meant using Commands… 

Using his Dominant Voice.

But Togame wasn’t stupid, because if he used either of them, it was quite possible that Sakura could hate him afterward. And Togame didn’t want that; he didn’t want that at all. But having Sakura act like this towards him was much, much worse, so as much as he could ruin his chances at becoming anything more with Sakura, he hoped that Sakura would be understanding of his decision.

So, eyes softening with woe, Togame softly gave, “I’m sorry Sakura,” before he was commanding: “If you want to be good, then wrap your arms around your shoulders. Look at the ground and count backwards from 100. If you mess up, just take a deep breath, and continue from where you left off.”

Then, as Sakura went to do as he said, his Sub was completely in control. Togame quietly waited until Sakura had counted down to 1, his voice becoming a tired slur by the end. The adrenaline and fear that Sakura had felt had turned into bone-weary exhaustion, and his Sub, while still there, had to be close to giving Sakura back up. 

Hearing “Was I good?” come from Sakura’s mouth at the end of his count, Togame’s lips trembled. “Yes, you were a very good boy… A very good Sub indeed, Sakura.”

And with that, Sakura collapsed into Togame’s arms, only for the scent of musk and a hint of Togame’s favorite drink to bring Sakura one last comfort before he finally passed out.

Togame, with Sakura in his arms, could only look up at the shed’s ceiling to swear, “Fuck, why did you have to do that, Jo?”

Only to follow up in a much quieter voice,“I hope you can forgive me Sakura.”

Then, Togame securely picked the younger teen up to place him over his shoulder, so that he could slowly make his way home.

Chapter 4

Notes:

Thank you everyone for commenting, especially since it really helped me write this chapter while I had found myself working overtime at my job the last two weeks. You guys really helped me power through, so thank you.

I've also given up on trying to figure out how many chapters this fic has, especially since this was only supposed to be a 2-3 chapter fic, and now it's turned into what will probably be closer to a 10-15 chapter fic. More TogaSaku content for everyone.

Other thing to note, the bold and italicized scene does have some triggering content. Please read the tags and proceed with caution.

Sakura’s tired.

Exhausted.

His brain feels as if there’s a thick fog around it. His world feels as if it’s slowed down—almost as if it’s unreal… Almost as if he’s not even a part of it; that time has stopped. Except at the corners of consciousness, there are things that are hard to forget—to let go.

His knees have become deadweight. His hands, which are sitting on his knees, have gone cold and sweaty. His neck feels unnaturally stiff. There’s a sensation at the back of his throat that reminds him of the beginnings of a cold, but worse. His jaw aches something fierce, but he doesn’t know why, while the bitter taste in his mouth makes his stomach churn.

His uncle’s words of: “What a good boy, you were finally good for once,” mask a lot of those feelings, especially when the tone behind them makes something within Sakura preen.

It makes Sakura want to hang on to his uncle’s every word, even if they’re built around lies. He’s never been good, let alone perfect as he’s always been a bit of a fuck-up, but in that moment, it’s as if none of that actually matters.

For the first time in his life—at least of what he could remember—he isn’t being kicked to the side. He isn’t being yelled at or hit for reasons that Sakura could never understand. He isn’t being ignored or neglected either.

He’s being handled with care, and it feels…

It feels kind of good, but also very, very weird.

Like something isn’t right.

And when his uncle runs his hands through his hair, Sakura leans into the action and closes his eyes. Only for his uncle to pull his head closer to a place that Sakura should never touch, the man quietly commands, almost moans as he does so. Sakura hears, “If you want to continue being good, then you—”

Sakura bolts from slumber with a harsh gasp—a silent scream. His breathing fast… Loud.

While his mind whirls around with confusion—shock. The sudden thought of ‘whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck’ beats against his head like a drum. While the fear and anger keep him rooted to his spot. His bandaged hands—bandaged up to the forearm—suddenly find purchase against the futon beneath him.

The futon feels much softer than his own: softer than anything he’s ever slept on. The newness of it freaks him out, especially since that dream… That dream was something he had never dreamed about before, but deep down, he knew it had held a truth that he had been pushing down for years.

The idea of it coming back to him when he was in Makochi—a place where he was a couple of hundred miles away—terrified him.

Eyes darted back and forth until the darkness gave way to a gray haze that allowed him to take in the contents of the room in front of him. It was obvious that this place wasn’t anywhere close to his shitty apartment, because the room actually looked lived in… Loved.

If Sakura squinted, he could make out some pieces of furniture—antique-looking by the looks of them, but Sakura was no furniture connoisseur. By the window, there were a couple of plants—at least one as tall as Sakura was. Multiple books were scattered across the room in stacks—their size and thickness told Sakura that the person who lived there had liked to read.

With the lighting from the moon, Sakura could make out a few titles, but from what he could see, the person’s interests were all over the place. Cooking. Wrestling. Repair Guides. And a couple of volumes of a manga that Sakura had read the first volume of, but never had time to ask someone in his class or make his way to the library and borrow.

The only thing that had kept Sakura from yelling and waking everyone up was the sight of a familiar Shishitoren jacket hanging off the back of the entrance door. The size of it being a dead giveaway that it was most likely Togame’s, because out of all the Shishitoren guys, Togame was the only one that would fit a jacket that size without it overpowering his frame. And Sakura, as small as he was, was well acquainted with Togame’s large body—almost bear-like in its size.

Like a Teddy B—

Feeling the sudden urge to laugh at such an absurd idea, Sakura couldn’t help but give out a sigh and wipe at his face in anxiety. Of all the people who could have found him, it had to be Togame Jo…

The only person who ever made him feel…

Feel...

Shaking his head at those thoughts, it didn’t take long for the events of that night to come back to his mind like a movie reel. The powerlessness he had felt was all-encompassing as his body underwent a Sub Drop so formidable that Sakura could not pull himself out of it, let alone control his body as his Sub had forced him to act in a way that was completely unlike himself.

Shameless, disgusting, and unbearably easy to take advantage of—a feeling that Sakura was no stranger to, especially regarding Dominants.

His uncle…

The fear…

The fear was unbearable—so tangible that he could have cut it with a knife.

The only thing that had made him pause was the memory of Togame looking at him with sad, sad eyes and telling him that he was sorry…

Sorry?

Gripping the futon beneath him until it had hurt, Sakura distantly felt the outer part of his hand touching something warm. Looking down, he finally noticed Togame leaning against the side of his futon, fast asleep. The older teen's hand was so very close to his own, almost as if it had wanted to hold on to Sakura’s hand, and Sakura…

Sakura didn’t know what to do with that information.

But when Sakura had heard Togame snore, the other teen’s snores just loud enough to disrupt the surrounding atmosphere, Sakura couldn’t help but let a chuckle fall from his lips. Only for him to pull his knees to his chest and situate one of his bandaged arms in front of him so that he could properly stare at Togame’s handiwork, his care…

How was Togame like this?

Especially when the two of them had only met each other a handful of times, but knowing how stupid he had been about Choji. He had done way too much for his best friend until he had become lame as hell. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Togame was better off being the nice guy.

The sweet guy.

Face turning completely red, Sakura couldn’t help but scold, “You’re losing it, Haruka.”

Because what the hell was he thinking?

While his Sub…

His Sub had just wanted to reach out—

Sakura could only bite his lip until it had started to bleed.

 

XXX

 

“Sakura…”

“Sakuraaa…”

“Sakuraaaaa.” Togame softly calls as he quietly takes in Sakura’s sleeping form.

During the night, Sakura must have woken up and repositioned himself to lean against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest, before fatigue had caused him to pass out again. The idea that Sakura had woken up to deal with a new environment by himself, while Togame had been passed out right next to him, had caused Togame to frown and curse at himself for being such a heavy sleeper not to have noticed anything.

But seeing that Sakura had eventually gone back to sleep, Togame just hoped that Sakura had recognized relatively quickly that he was in a safe place and didn’t take offense to Togame bringing him to his home. Especially since Togame didn’t know where Sakura had lived, and with Sakura being the mess that he had been last night, telling anyone else about what had happened felt a little—well, a lot—wrong.

There were reasons Sakura had never told his friends and fellow peers that he was a Sub, so Togame couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to respect Sakura’s choice in hiding that part of himself away. Even if it was dangerous and unhealthy to do so. But that was an entirely different concept compared to the concept of Sakura feeling as if he had needed to act like a Dominant hoping others would view him in that way. So, even if Togame didn’t know what had caused Sakura to make those decisions, Togame was smart enough to guess that Sakura had most likely been driven to it based on some previous experiences he’s had.

Experiences that probably shaped other aspects of his current self. Especially his inability to accept or react well to kindness, let alone the idea of someone wanting to be his friend.

It pained Togame—it probably pained many of Sakura’s friends and peers—that the other had acted that way, but with what little he and others could see, it was obvious that Sakura had lived a hard life.

Even more so now that Togame had found out about his secret.

Wondering if he could help Sakura build the confidence and trust he needed to allow himself to give in to his Submissive instincts—at least for short periods of time where last night’s events wouldn’t happen again. Especially since Sakura’s hands and arms were a physical testament to Sakura spiraling so bad that he had hurt himself, while emotionally and mentally… Togame just hoped that Sakura could bounce back enough to be his usual self.

Maybe even get to a point where he could eventually come out to his friends on his own.

But to do that, Togame knew that things would need to change…

That he had wanted to be part of that change.

And if he could convince Sakura to do a couple of basic plays with him from time to time so that Sakura’s Sub could take control for a bit and let Sakura recenter himself, then maybe that could be a possibility.

(He had just needed to keep his Dominant from going crazy with glee at the idea, because this was supposed to be about Sakura’s safety, not his stupid ego and feelings.)

So, calling out Sakura’s name one last time, the action having finally caused Sakura to stir. It didn’t take long for Togame to apologize when Sakura turned to him with sleepy eyes. “Sorry to have woken you up, but it’s almost noon and my grandfather has some leftovers we can eat.”

Seeing Sakura perk up at the idea of food, Togame continued, his voice a little quieter than it had been seconds before, “And if you’re willing, I’d like to talk to you about what had happened last night.”

Only to be surprised when Sakura had asked—more like croaked, “What would you like me to say?”

Togame, who had a hundred questions, but also knew that he had needed Sakura to have been okay with what he had done, could only say, “Sakura, I just want to make sure you’re alright and that…”

Sakura's eyes screamed, And that?

“And that I didn’t mean to overstep your boundaries yesterday… I… I apologize for that.”

Then Sakura...

Sakura had started to feel warm...

Togame, why are you like this?

Chapter 5

Notes:

I apologize for the delay. Between having to rewrite this a few times and having to do a bit more Overtime than I thought I would at work (I'm now back to my normal schedule), I couldn't get this out until now. Hopefully, I'll be back to posting a chapter every 1-1.5 weeks like I was doing before this past break. I appreciate all the comments you guys left, they were absolutely lovely! And for everyone giving kudos and bookmarking this too, thank you as well!

“What was that?” Sakura quietly asked himself as his heart hammered against his chest. The thump, thump, thump of it was getting stronger with every ragged breath that he had taken to get his breathing under control. His lungs had burned, while his breathing was harsh—wild—due to him having just sprinted to his shitty apartment, unable to keep himself together as soon as he had found himself out of sight of Togame’s grandfather’s home.

His face had turned beet red—flaming hot—as he had thought back to what had caused him to run back like a dumb little scaredy cat. The idea of him being scared was absolutely ludicrous, but he couldn’t help it, especially since his whole life had been turned upside down. All because he couldn’t have kept his shit together for thirty minutes longer…

Hands forming into fists, nails embedding themselves into his skin where the bandages didn't touch, Sakura couldn’t help but turn around to slam one of his fists against the door. The sound of flesh meeting wood was loud, but compared to his thoughts, it was barely heard. Not even a blip on his racing mind. His body eventually slumped against the door, only for the coolness of the wood to feel good against his forehead, while his damp hair had dripped with sweat until it rolled down his neck and nose.

The adrenaline was slowly wearing off, and his body was shaking as he finally came back to himself. His muscles were sore—almost screaming at him for running like that—but beyond that… He had felt…

He had felt…

“Why me? Why had he asked that?” Sakura’s voice had quivered, bordered on whimpered, as he couldn’t understand why Togame had said those words to him. While his inner Submissive, which had easily understood the tone of Togame’s words—the Dominant’s desire to help—had been quite interested.

It actually wouldn’t shut up about it, and Sakura, who was usually better about ignoring his submissive nature, had wondered…

Had Togame really wanted to do that?

And with him?

Then his mind found itself whirling back to that moment, wondering if he had made a mistake or if Togame had been serious.

(And did… Did Sakura actually want him to be?)

Stuffing his face with grilled fish, rolled omelet, and some miso soup—the type of traditional breakfast that Sakura never really had—Sakura had done his best not to break the silence that was going on between him and Togame. Because once the other had apologized to him, had offered him food, shelter, and so many other things that Sakura had missed due to being…

To being…

Sakura’s face had burned. His floundering was loud. His prideful bark of, “Y-You have n-nothing to apologize f-for!”

Sakura was a complete fucking mess, but in pure Sakura fashion, he had stumbled his way through it. And Togame, who was too sweet for his own good, didn’t call him out on his bullshit.

Not yet, at least—not until he had eaten some.

Let alone made a fool of himself by enjoying Togame’s grandfather’s food a little too much. It didn’t escape Sakura’s notice that Togame had given him a broad smile when his eyes had lit up from the delightfulness that had suddenly ignited his tastebuds. However, he couldn’t help it, because ever since he had moved to Makochi, he had found himself eating so much delicious food…

(And on some level, he was afraid of losing it... Just like he had lost so many other things.)

So, he had continued to stuff his face until his stomach hurt, while ignoring the looks that Togame had given him until he couldn’t anymore.

Because, just like him, Togame didn’t know where to start either, but he also didn’t let that stop him for long. Even if his words had come out like a jumbled mess, they were still a mess that Sakura could somehow understand.

“Sakura… I… Do you… You’re probably not going to like this… But are you… Do you think you’re going to be at risk of dropping again?”

Sakura’s chopsticks froze. His grip had tightened on the wooden sticks until the food had fallen off and tumbled onto the plate with a soft clatter. He knew that this had been coming—that Togame had been holding this in since he had found him—but Sakura was still too afraid of answering.

Of taking the risk of coming clean to someone—a Dominant at that—about his Submissive nature.

Even now, he had felt unsettled—wrong—and that dream… That dream hadn’t done him any favors. If anything, it had made things so much worse, because he couldn’t even trust his own memories. Especially when it seemed as if there was a pattern to him losing control and falling into a state where he was too weak to even protect himself…

He hated it.

He hated himself.

But even so, he had still controlled his Submissive urges for months until that point, so that had to have counted for something, shouldn’t it? And Sakura, despite everything, didn’t always like to ask for help, let alone show people his weaknesses. Even though it had felt as if that was constantly happening ever since he had come to Makochi.

But this...

This hatred.

This unwillingness to accept himself.

This fear continued to grip him even when he pretended otherwise.

This was always going to be something that Sakura would have a hard time coming to terms with. He had been hurt in the absolute worst way, and Sakura, despite trying to be strong, was still reeling from what had been done to him.

Because how does one move on from something like that?

How does one go about their day when all it takes is a few words from a Dominant to bring one to a state of helplessness?

To hurt them…

However, Togame knew nothing of his past—his scars—and yet, the other hadn’t treated him differently.

Sure, he had been kind… Worried. But it wasn’t like he was treating him as if he had suddenly become lame—his own words. Or weak—which was just as bad. If anything, Togame was treating him as he usually did, even if his words had come across as a little too cautious.

So maybe… Maybe he could mention something.

Anything.

“If it’s easier to tell someone else, that’s fine. I know… I know we’re not that clo—”

“IT’S NOT THAT!” Sakura interrupts, only to turn pink at how loud his outburst had just been, he continues with a stutter, “It’s not that… It’s… You’re… Fuck, maybe it is… I don’t know… It’s never…”

Togame, who was quietly taking Sakura in—trying to understand him—could only supply, “It’s never been like that?”

And Sakura, for some reason, had felt compelled to answer.

“Yeah… Well… No, that’s not… That’s not… It’s happened a few times… But I can’t… I can’t—”

While Togame, who had obviously picked up the panic that was starting to leak into Sakura’s voice, had interrupted.

“Sakura, it’s okay to be afraid of that part of yourself… I may not know you as well… As well as I’d like, but I can understand why you’d be afraid of losing control.. Especially with how… How… You’re very independent.”

It looked as if Togame had wanted to say something else towards the end of his statement, but had settled for something true, but less obtrusive instead.

“I don’t… I don’t know what’s caused you to fear that part of yourself, but being Submissive… Being Submissive doesn’t mean that you have to give up all control. If what my grandfather has told me is true, then here are ways… There are ways for you to keep a semblance of it when you are with a Dom… It’s just that… That when you’re at the edge, your Sub forces itself to be at the center of attention to protect you… But you still… You don’t lash out at others…

“Dominants can’t say the same, because too many of us have this habit of projecting our hurt outward… Which isn’t an excuse, but when you’re hurting… When a Sub is hurting, you have so much more control than a Dominant does when it comes to not potentially hurting others. So, even if it feels as if it’s the opposite, you're kind of selling yourself short... But there are ways to manage that side of yourself without… Without your Sub taking over like that and putting yourself at risk of dropping, you know?”

Sakura didn’t know.

No one had taught him about any of that, and with what little he had ‘learned’, he hadn’t felt comfortable with the idea of letting someone get so close to him so that they could potentially ruin him like his uncle did.

“Maybe I’m overstepping here, but if you’re willing, you could try with—” Togame started, only to find himself continuing in a different direction, “I mean, a doctor or a trusted—”

Sakura’s aunt and the doctor who had done nothing when he had given him his Dynamic Test had immediately come to mind. Only for the memory of his teachers turning a blind eye to the bullying and abuse he had received to be next. The gossiping adults who had treated him like scum, even when he had only tried to be kind... His uncle...

It was obvious that Sakura couldn’t do that.

He wouldn’t!

“No! I can’t do that!”

Stilling at Sakura’s outburst, at the pain that was in his voice, Togame was quick to apologize, his voice sounded unusually quick to Sakura's ears.“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have been more understanding. I was just worried about you.”

Sakura, who was breathing a bit too harshly, was quick to avert his eyes. His face was even redder than had been before because how could Togame say that about him? Especially after everything.

It took minutes until things had settled back down and Sakura felt comfortable mumbling, “It’s not your fault."

Green eyes, having turned dark throughout their conversation, had gone soft at Sakura’s words, “It… It doesn’t matter... I should have had more tact.”

Food having gone cold since the two's conversation, Sakura felt compelled to finish the last two pieces of omelet to stall for time, before he had finally let himself reply, “You were just worried... And I… I don’t know when I’ll drop again…” Only for a hollow laugh to fall from his lips a second later, “I could only keep the lie going for four months; you’re the one that had to deal with me.”

“Sakura... That's not... That’s a pretty long time.” Breathing through his nose to calm himself, especially since it wasn’t a chore to help Sakura out. Never mind the fact that four months was a long time to deny oneself like that, Togame, and his inner Dom, asked—this time, with a bit more confidence at offering up himself. While his hand had reached out to slowly grasp Sakura's shoulder to give him a comforting squeeze, a gesture he only did when he knew that Sakura was watching him, “What if… What if I do some non-sexual plays with you?”

Turning gold and black eyes from Togame's hand back to his face, Sakura couldn’t help but audibly swallow and go, “What do you mean?”

Only for Togame to repeat himself, “Non-sexual plays. I could guide you every so often to keep you from dropping again; until you feel comfortable telling people about yourself.”

And that… 

And that…

Sakura had barely excused himself after that, but not without thanking the other for letting him stay over and giving him food, even if it had been quick and rough and not enough for what Togame had did for him all at once. But he had tried, and maybe, when his heart wasn't going a mile a minute, he could do a do over and explain himself better.

Slowly and shakily pulling his cell out of his back pants pocket to look at the various messages that he had missed from Nirei, Suo, Umemiya—Hell, even one from Endo—Sakura couldn’t help but focus on the one that Togame had sent 15 minutes ago.

Only for him to see the other giving him another apology and asking if he had gotten home safely, which had only caused Sakura to give a small, wobbly laugh.

He slowly and painstakingly typed: I did, thank you. Can I think about your offer? I need to process.

Seeing the ‘…’, it wasn’t long before Togame replied, just as understanding as he had been earlier that day. 

Sakura couldn't help but note that Togame's texting was similar to his own, especially since most of Sakura’s friends like to use slang, shortened words, and emojis—stuff that Sakura had found confusing half the time. While Togame was just straight to the point, no bells and whistles.

Take the time you need. If something else comes up, I’m here.

Feeling the sides of his lips curling a tad at the sentiment, Sakura had surprisingly found himself believing it.

So, gathering the strength to grab a water bottle from the fridge, he stumbled his way to his bed, only to pass out as soon as his head had touched his pillow. But not without thinking about Togame’s offer…

Was it even possible for a dumb Sub like him?

Notes:

Thank you for reading.

(The next couple of chapters will bring in some supporting characters, while Sakura and Togame's relationship will start to change as well. I'll continue to add Tags as appropriate.)

Chapter 6

Notes:

Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I appreciate all of them. :)

Here's Chapter 6! Which is a little crazy for me since it's been a while since I've been able to write anything past a few hundred to a couple thousand words. Yet, here we are, and I believe I might have passed 10,000 words with this chapter too, so that's awesome.

Once again, thank you for all the support and sticking with me, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

“Sooooo… Who’s the lucky Sub? Or Switch? Who has you looking at your phone like every hour? Especially when you can’t be bothered to reply to the group chat.”

Looking up from his phone—the 83 unread Line messages looking a little more daunting and tiring than usual—Togame sees Wanijima smiling at him in a way that shows he’s more than a little interested in what is causing Togame to act a little unlike himself. And unlike Choji, who would physically and metaphorically latch himself onto the other person until they would occasionally get annoyed or tired enough to talk, Wanijima had the gift of being able to ease others into giving up their secrets with only a couple of sentences.

He had a serenity about him that made one want to trust him, while his velvety voice sounded very nice to the ears. Being friends with him had made all of that easy, and even now, Togame occasionally wondered if Wanijima’s presence could have helped him keep Choji from falling as deep as he did... But it's not like he did Wanijima any favors during that time either.

He had been a right prick back then.

However, if Wanijima had been there with them, then it’s likely that he and his Dom would have missed meeting Sakura altogether, and that would have been tragic in its own way. Especially since Togame and his Dom had fallen for Sakura after a single fight. So, as much as Togame had missed Wanijima’s presence back then, he had ultimately been blessed in other ways. Even if the road he was currently on with Sakura wasn’t going so smoothly.

If anything, he just hoped that what had happened between the two of them didn’t turn things into a complete dead end.

The only thing that had kept him from believing that to be the case was Sakura’s text from two days ago, where he had thanked him once again. Only to follow up with: “Can I have a few more days?” Almost as if Sakura was afraid that Togame was going to forget or something—as if Togame could. Especially since Togame was thrumming with his own thoughts and emotions—desiring more, but too afraid to mess things up—while his inner Dom was constantly yearning.

It was almost as if his instincts had a one-track mind—they absolutely did—and it was only now that they were getting him into trouble with his nosy friends.

Luckily, he only had to deal with Waniji—

“Yeah, Kame-chan, who’ve you been texting?” Choji asked, almost as if he had been waiting to pop out of the woodwork to have this conversation with him, “You hate texting!”

Never mind, Togame should have known that Choji wouldn’t be far behind.

However, not wanting to draw any more attention to his behavior, Togame was quick to put his phone in his pants pocket to give an explanation. “It’s not a big deal; I’m just being impatient about a question I asked.”

Which wasn’t the best thing to say, because Choji and Wanijima just got closer to him instead with looks that would have caused some of the other Shishitoren guys to run for the hills.

“You actually like someone! Who is it?! Are they cute? Do they fight well? Where did you meet them? Do they suck at texting like you do? Do they like talking on the phone? Have you cooked for them yet? Have they met your grandpa?”

Choji couldn’t stop himself from excitedly firing off question after question, while Wanijima kept scrutinizing Togame’s face for any clue that would tell him what he had wanted to hear. Shifting uncomfortably whenever Choji’s questions would get too close to the mark, it felt as if Togame didn’t even need to answer his friends’ questions with how Wanijima was looking at him. And the longer Choji went on, Togame had felt increasingly tempted to say something—anything—to get the two of them off his back. Even if their conversation was borderline crush talk, there was way too much that Togame had witnessed and been asked to keep secret to keep it as such.

He didn’t want to betray Sakura’s trust because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut around his friends. So, trying to divert their attention elsewhere, Togame repeated, “It’s really nothing. Once they get back to me, everything will be—”

Only for Wanijima to be the one to interrupt him this time, “You’re worried about this person, aren’t you? That’s why you keep looking at your phone.”

Ugh, that was true, but Togame couldn’t let his face or response give him away. So, he steeled himself and gave: “That's not it, I swear—”

“Kame-chan, is something going on? Is that why you can’t tell us?”

Fuck, now even Choji had switched tactics and turned serious. And unlike Wanijima who was patiently waiting for Togame to answer—his presence telling him that he could go on—Choji had settled down enough to match Wanijima’s energy.

How did his friends get so good at reading him?

Putting his hands up as a sign to get the two to stop, Togame forced the two of them to listen to him. “I’m not lying about what I said, but I’d be betraying that person’s trust if I mentioned anything to you guys just yet… Things aren’t in a great place and I don’t want to mess things up, so can we just ignore this for now? I’ll be better about not checking my phone—”

“Togame, you don’t have to do that. We were just being nosy since it’s rare for you to check your phone that often. If you’re still trying to make things work between the two of you, then we won’t ruin it for you, you know?”

“Yeah, Kame-chan, you can tell us when you’re ready… When the person you like is ready too. Sorry to make you feel like you had to mention anything.”

Guys…

So, giving a nervous, yet relieved laugh, Togame could only reply, “I got it, and thanks… I’ll… I’ll tell you something when I can. But until then, I’ll try not to be as obvious about it.”

“You can try man, but if it helps, we won’t comment on it for the time being. But if things become too much or you just need someone to talk to, the two of us are here to listen.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And if not us, then at least talk to your gramps. He usually has an answer for everything. Like everything! I swear, he’s like the smartest guy I know.”

That…

That might not be a bad idea.

His grandfather might have some good advice on how to navigate this rocky time between him and Sakura. Or at the very least give him advice on how to be a better Dom for someone as guarded and hurt as Sakura is. 

/XXXXX/

Take all the time you need, but if you feel a Sub Drop coming on… Please reach out or go to someone you trust. You shouldn’t be alone when that happens.

Trust…

Sakura rolled the word around his mouth as if it was something foreign, something undeniably bitter, but with a sweet aftertaste of his desires. The bitterness reminded him of his past: the pain, the inability to express himself with words for situations that he didn’t have the words for, and the continuous and deepening feeling of having to do everything alone, forced upon that track or in fear of being taken advantage of. Whereas, the sweetness could have been because of Makochi, the kindness he had received here, and the slowly increasing desire of wanting to communicate and open up to others. He liked that bit of sweetness, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the bitterness that surrounded him like a cloak. The bitterness that had him feeling as if he was walking across a tightrope, which often showed up in his dreams, and occasionally wrapped itself around his neck like a noose whenever confronted to let someone see a small piece of him.

Trust was frightening.

But the idea of Togame telling him to go to someone he had trusted made him feel weird, especially since he didn’t have that. He didn’t feel safe enough, even if there were times when his classmates and upperclassmen had him thinking that might not exactly be true. However, those feelings were easier to apply to fighting, not necessarily his dynamic.

It didn’t help that he had preferred to be seen as a Dom, to be treated as such, because it was much harder for him to be taken advantage of by other Doms and Switches if everyone thought he was one of them. Adults may have been the originating source of this need, but it wasn’t like he was safe from his peers either.

It had taken years for him to force his mind and body to push past a Command, to ignore his inner Submissive’s screams whenever a Command would sound too forceful, or worse, left him pleasantly numb for a second—a second too long. Bruised fists, a bruised head, a bruised, bleeding mouth could take care of the former, but he had nothing for the latter except self-loathing.

Stupid… Bad… Idiotic Submissive… Who was ugly and weird… Abnormal… Unruly…

(Exotic.)

He hated all of it…

Hated himself for being how he was.

So he had lied; he had wanted to became something he was not.

But it was one thing to lie to the people who deserved it, not to the people who didn't.

He had lied to good, kind people that had treated him better than anyone else did, and it was in that, that he couldn’t help but be afraid to be caught in his lies. Especially when he knew that all of his deepening relationships with the Bofurin boys could easily come crashing down. Leaving him alone again.

But he...

He was a liar… A fraud… A treacherous two-faced person.

But Togame…

Togame had…

“Sakura-san? Are you with us?” “Sakura-kun? Class is over, it’s time to go.”

Startled out of his thoughts, his eyes had instantly flickered to the black screen of his phone, which had almost caused him to give a sigh of relief. He was quick to pull himself together, while a yawn had fallen from his mouth, betraying a fatigue that had started to take root over the past couple of days. He turned his attention to his two vice captains. Only to see Nirei giving him a concerned look, while Suo… Sakura didn’t know what expression Suo was giving him, but his usual, cheeky, close-lipped smile was combined with furrowed brows and a tension that he wasn’t used to seeing on the Dom. Sakura had found himself apologizing, face having turned a little pink, “S-sorry, I spaced out. Y-you said class was over?”

“Yes. It’s almost time for afternoon patrol as well.”

Right! 

This was the perfect thing to get his mind off of things, at least for a little while. So, throwing himself into his duties, Sakura quickly turned to his friends with a gruff smile. “Should have led with that. Let’s go!”

For the first time since he had met his two vice captains—the closest people he had to what one could consider best friends—he ignored the handful of whispers exchanged between the two, pretending to have heard nothing.

Because what was one more lie in the bucket?