By the Light of the Moon

by TheLordsInBlack

Summary:

Under the shadow of the Carrows at Hogwarts, Luna Lovegood and Blaise Zabini both find themselves unable to continue on any longer. Fate brings them together, and they restore one another’s will to live, but will their love be able to defy the darkness?

Notes:

TW: This chapter contains suicidal ideations and a suicide attempt, so if you are sensitive to that material, let this be your warning.

Chapter 1: Waning Crescent - Luna

“Loony Lovegood”
“Odd”
“Strange”
“Potter’s little whore”
Those names, those insults, echoed in her memory, all the times they had been sneered at her colliding in a cacophony of malice. Once they would have slid off her, glanced off her shield, but now each one stuck, each stinging, almost like the cruciatus, which by now she knew all too well, beating her down a bit more.
At least she could laugh at that last one.
She had once thought, once hoped, that Harry– and Ron, and Hermione, and Ginny, and Neville, were her friends. Now she knew better. She was too odd, too strange, too Loony, for anyone to want to be friends with her. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had all left, and now, without their bright golden glow blinding her, she could see that they never were her friends. They had barely tolerated her. Ginny and Neville were too busy being good little Gryffindors to be her friend.
Ginny, who had once had her back, retaliating against the insults, when Luna herself was perfectly fine, Ginny, who now helped those same people, protecting them from detentions and torture, while she looked past Luna’s suffering.
And Neville, sweet Neville, had hardened into someone unrecognizable. No longer the bumbling little boy, he now knew darkness, had found the courage that made him a Gryffindor. Between helping all the victims of the Carrows and making a martyr of himself, he had no time to remember the crazy little girl that had followed them to the ministry a year and a half before.
The abrupt disappearance of the light she had began to grow used to and the multitude of darkness that replaced it had completely shattered her self-confidence, and every insult, every torture session with the Carrows, each ate away at her soul a little more each day. Her shield had fallen away under repeated bouts of the cruciatus, the Carrows cackling madly, and demanding she divulge the members, the location, everything she knew about the DA.
She had tried. She really had. She didn’t want to betray her friends, but when had they helped her? Ginny and Neville were running around being brave, being noble, too busy to care for the weird little Ravenclaw tag-along. After all, she was pureblood, and therefore obviously near the bottom of the Carrow’s torture list, and they had others they needed to help more urgently, of course they didn’t even have time to acknowledge her.
But the hat hadn’t sorted her into Gryffindor, and rightfully so. It knew she wasn’t brave. She just hoped she was brave enough for this.
She peered down over the edge of the Astronomy tower from the small stone wall, which only would’ve reached her waist if she wasn’t perched atop of it. It was a long way down.
Her past self would be horrified with what she now intended to do, but months of torture, mental and physical, had taken their toll. She wasn’t the same naive girl she had been; she was broken, beyond repair. Mentally, at least. Physically was coming soon, as long as she was able to follow through with what she intended. If she could, it would all end. All the pain, all the sadness, it would all end in a matter of seconds.
She took a deep breath and braced herself. As she deliberately teetered on the edge, readying to tip over, she heard a shout of “No!”, and something barreled into her from behind. A bit counterintuitive, she thought, if they were trying to stop her from jumping, as the momentum threw them both off the edge, hurtling toward the ground together. Though the unknown person gripped her tight as they fell, and she was able to turn her head and see his face. A face she knew quite well, one she could never help glancing at every time they passed each other in the halls, or in a lesson that was shared by all the students 5th year and older.
She was arrested, staring into the enchanting eyes of Blaise Zabini, the Slytherin 7th year pretty boy, the dark browns, greens, and aureate flecks of his eyes flashing with terror, his thick dreadlocks whipping around his sculpted cheekbones.
She barely had time to process this, as the ground was rapidly approaching. Their lives were one and the same, she could feel his terror just as acutely as her own. Without thinking she had fully placed her trust in him. Trust was a scary thing. Trust was fickle. Trust had only broken her further as she had been betrayed repeatedly. But trust was the only option she had left. The ground was only a second away, and she closed her eyes, accepting their fate, trust betrayed once again, when their fall was broken by what felt like a stack of pillows. She recognized the feeling of a cushioning charm, even as her mind twisted around on itself at this unexpected turn of events.

Chapter 2: Take me back when things were light - Blaise

Notes:

More TW for suicidal ideations and suicide attempts

Blaise was climbing the last of the many stairs to the astronomy tower, marching toward his bloody escape from this hell on earth. He who must not be named seemed to be winning, and despite what was expected of him, being a Slytherin, he was not pleased. He didn’t want to be a death eater like some of his housemates did, and tried to hide behind them, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed by the Carrows.
But of course he was.
They singled him out as a target of their ‘dark arts’ classes, both using him as a target of the cruciatus curse and making him use it on innocent children and classmates. And he was only technically halfblood, because of the blood purist’s fanatic ideas of purity; having a pureblood mother and a halfblood father. He supposed that if they were stupid enough to follow the Dark Lord, it was realistic that they wouldn’t understand how simple math worked.
He and his family’s reluctance to join the dark side culminated with him finding his mother, her latest husband, and his 10 year old sister dead outside their manor, with the dark mark casting a sickly green pallor on their cold, blank faces. And that was it. That was all he could take.
He rounded the last turn, stepping into the silver moonlight, to see a bright figure standing in its shimmering rays. He instantly recognized the blond waves spilling over her slim figure, made frail by months of torture. His heart sank, realizing she had the same intentions as him. He saw her take a deep breath and tilt forward, and without thinking he let out a cry and flew toward her.
He couldn’t let this light go out, no matter how dim it was growing— all light was needed to hold the darkness at bay. His stomach dropped as they plummeted towards the earth, but he held her, not letting go of this girl that had caught his eye and intrigue. She needed to live.
He had no idea if he remembered the charm as he fumbled for his wand or if it was a bout of accidental magic, but he was immensely grateful for the familiar feel of the cushioning charm as they landed. It didn’t matter, he was just so damn grateful they survived.

Notes:

I have an obsession with starkid musicals, so when I couldn’t think of a chapter title I would use a song title or lyric, usually starkid. This one is from Take me Back from Black Friday. Also I’m sorry that this chapter and some of the other chapters are shorter; I’m trying to go back and forth between perspectives, so some future chapters will be pretty long.
Thank you for reading!

Chapter 3: Light my heart and light my shadow - Luna

Notes:

TW: the same things as other chapters; suicidal ideations, and past trauma.
Also, this chapter is a bit longer than the others; enjoy!

“Why?” She asked aloud, stunned.
Why would you save me? Why would you care? Why would anyone care?
“Because,” he replied, “Because I couldn’t let someone suffer who I could help. And especially not you. Another broken soul. Broken, yes, as shattered as mine, but beautiful. And who would I be to stand by and let such beauty perish? A beautiful soul in a beautiful girl.”
Luna felt her cheeks flush.
“Thank you for, well, saving me, and your honeyed compliments, even though I doubt the truth behind your words, the words of a Slytherin pretty boy.”
Of course she wasn’t going to believe him. His entire house was made up of death eaters. He was likely trying to rape and torture her, like any of his housemates would if they had the chance. Besides, who would want to save her, especially the popular pretty boy of the school? Not even those who had been kind to her in the past had tried to help her, so why would he, someone who had no reason to care, try to help? Besides, he was a Slytherin, everything was for his own gain. The old Luna who might have trusted him was long gone.
He tried to protest, but she cut him off.
“My soul may be shattered beyond repair, but I don’t need anyone, especially Death Eater, to destroy it any further.”
She saw something between anger and hurt flash behind his eyes.
“I’m no Death Eater!” He hissed, “My family is dead because of them! But I promise, I promise to never hurt you, in any way.”
She laughed, a scornful scoff, and began to leave. Turning her head, she responded.
“Don’t lie to me. They might be dead, but that still isn’t proof of your innocence. I have no reason to trust you.”
“Please! I promise! I would never help them. I swear I’m telling the truth, I would never cause you harm. I swear! I’ll swear the unbreakable vow! I’ll do whatever you need me to do to prove my innocence to you.”
Luna stopped in her tracks, staring into his enchanting eyes.
“Tsk. It’d be a shame to waste such a pretty face for some silly spell, just so you can have a little whore.”
She turned on her heel, leaving him on his knees, even as she internally shuddered at the image of him dead. She spun around once more, at the sound of her name, and considered making a sarcastic remark about getting dizzy from turning round and round.
“Luna! Please! I understand that you’ve been hurt. I understand your hurt. I understand you’re broken. I’m broken too, and I thought it couldn’t get worse, and I thought it could never be fixed. But seeing you standing on the edge, contemplating your light going out, because you still shine, no matter how broken, it would’ve broken me further. You shine like the moon, Luna, your namesake. No matter how shadowed by craters, you shine through the darkness. I thought I couldn’t be fixed. But I see you, and you offer solace from the pain. I need nothing more from you than friendship. And I think you need it too. Please, let me help you so you can help me. So you can help this broken world.”
Luna was too stunned to speak. Still she strode over to his kneeling form, and offered a hand. He took it, not breaking eye contact with her. He rose to his feet, and bent over to brush dirt from his knees.
“Thank you. Thank you for believing me.”
She cursed the way her breath hitched, the way she was hyper-aware of his hand gently squeezing hers. He was too damn pretty. Too damn eloquent. Still, she gave him a small smile, the most she had managed in a while.
“Let’s get out of the cold.” He suggested.
Luna nodded and followed him into the castle. Since she was following him, she expected them to descend into the dungeons, but instead they started heading upwards. Suspicious, she asked him.
“Where are we going?”
“Oh, sorry. I’ve been hiding in the room of requirement. Some of the other Slytherins aren’t exactly pleased with me. I’m sure you could stay there too if you’re worried.”
She immediately saw him kicking himself internally, embarrassed that he’d essentially asked her to spend the night with him.
“I-I-I’m sorry, that, I mean, that’s not what I meant, I mean, I didn’t mean it like that, I-I-I” Blaise stumbled over himself trying to apologize.
“I think that would be ok. It’s hidden, so the Carrows and the other students can’t find it if we don’t want them to. I just need to make sure there aren’t any nargles, right? There might still be some from my 4th year because of Harry.” She shut down, reminding herself that no one cared about her ‘crazy ramblings’.
“What are nargles?” He asked.
“Nothing- don’t worry about it.”
“No, I’m curious!”
She looked up and saw real interest in his eyes, and tentatively started explaining.
“Nargles are invisible, and infest mistletoe…” She was not used to having a captivated audience, and told him everything she and her father had learned while researching them.
She had been informing him about nargle mating habits, when they heard something in a corridor up ahead. They froze, unsure of what it was, but knowing it wasn’t something they wanted to run into. It came around the corner, and instantly they recognized the shape of Mrs. Norris, who immediately began yowling to announce their presence.
“Shit!” Blaise swore as they saw the glow of Filch’s lantern, and heard his familiar wheezing cackle. “Do you know the disillusionment charm?” He asked as he hastily cast it on himself.
Luna shook her head. They hadn’t gotten to learn it before the Carrows came at the beginning of the year. She felt a strange sensation as she felt him tap her on the head with his wand, and as they both disappeared, the only confirmation she had that he was still there was his warm hand in hers.
“We’re close,” he whispered. “We'll have to make a run for it.”
They ran awkwardly, trying to stay together without seeing each other, but also trying to run lightly enough so that Filch wouldn’t hear them. They ran past Filch, but Mrs. Norris followed them. They turned three corners and were soon in a familiar hallway. They quickly paced back and forth past a patch of wall three times until a door appeared. They both reached for the doorknob, and together they turned it and dashed in, yanking the door shut behind them. She saw Blaise reappear, and then he removed the charm from her.
They heaved a sigh of relief, turning to the interior of the room. Luna felt flames rise to her face, and saw Blaise also turning red, noticeable even with his dark skin.
“Another bed, please?” Luna asked the room. The room reluctantly obliged, sensing that neither of the occupants fully wanted it.
They were freezing, being in a stone castle in the end of November, so the room provided a fireplace, and a squishy couch in front of it.
Having a thought, Luna reached for the jar of Floo powder that appeared by the fire. She tossed it in, and stuck her head through the emerald flames, saying “Hogwarts Kitchen!”
Through the fireplace she could see the house elves preparing food and cleaning up the kitchen. One noticed her, and approached the flames.
“What is Miss be needing?” The creature asked.
“Could you bring cocoa and food for two to the room of requirement? And please keep quiet about it.”
“Yes Miss!” It squeaked, rushing off.
“Thank you!” Luna called, seeing the tips of the house elf’s ears turn bright green at the thanks.
She pulled her head back, returning fully to the room of requirement.
“What was that?” Blaise asked. Luna’s reply was interrupted by a loud crack as a house elf appeared bearing a tray of food.
“That!” She laughed.
She thanked the house elf once more, and then she and Blaise basked in the warmth of the fire, settling in with cocoa and cookies.
“So what were you doing up there on the Astronomy tower tonight?” Luna asked, trying to break the silence.
Blaise avoided her eyes as he paused, slowly looking up at her as he responded softly, “Same thing as you.”
Luna drew back, surprised. “Why? Not to repeat our earlier conversation, but you’re a slytherin. You don’t agree with moldy voldy and the death eaters, but as a slytherin don’t you at least have it easier?”
Blaise let out a short bark of a laugh. “I suppose maybe in some ways; I rarely am the one being tortured. But I had to see my whole family lying dead under the dark mark in my front yard, I am made to torture innocent children, I don’t even talk to my own friends for fear that they were somehow corrupted, even though I know them well enough to know that they would never willingly do that, I’m still wary.
“I had to look into the cold, dead face of my little sister Ember, having to accept that she would never grow up, never go to Hogwarts, never find love, never live the life she should have. Other students label me a whore like my mother; my mother who will never speak again, my mother who although her faults always loved Ember and I, tried to find us a worthy father, no matter how often we told her she was all we needed. She may have been a gold digger, but she had a heart; a heart that will never beat again. Even her current husband, he was a good man, unlike all the others.
“He treated her right, and he treated us like his own children. I genuinely think he could’ve lasted, the first man who didn’t want her just for her beauty, and she didn’t want him just for his money. I will never have a father who is worthy of that title. None of the others had been, using her and using us. My mother cared, when she made me tell her what her third husband was doing to me, she promised he’d never touch me like that again, and next thing I remember I was attending his funeral while she put on the guise of a grieving widow while flirting with number 4. I had let him do it because if he was doing it to me then at least he wasn’t doing it to Ember, who was only 4. But Harold was a good man, who would protect Ember. And now they’re all gone. I had nothing left to live for.
“But then I saw you standing there, and I couldn’t let you end it all. You brought light to the darkness, and you gave me something worth living for; if only to make you see that you should persevere and help save this world like I know you are destined to. If it’s not too personal, and since I just trauma-dumped on you, may I ask what led you to that point?”
Luna looked at him for a moment, her eyes wider than usual. “I’m so sorry, Blaise,” she whispered, hugging him tightly. Sitting back up and hugging her knees, she began her own explanation.
“It just wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t continue. I’m weak. None of this would have affected me in the past. I’m not pretty or popular like you. Everyone hates me, even those who I thought were my friends. I used to be so happy, everything was so perfect. But everything is terrible now. I thought Harry’s little crew were my friends, but they’ve abandoned me, the Carrows target me because of my involvement with them. I just couldn’t deal with the torture anymore. And I know my reasons sound pathetic compared to yours, I still have my father, and my mother has been gone long enough that I’m used to it. I’m just so alone that no one would’ve noticed that I was gone. My father would, but then he would be under less pressure from the death eaters. It would be helping him.”
Now it was Blaise’s turn to give her a hug. “Don’t ever say that no one would’ve noticed, or that your reasons are ‘pathetic’. I would’ve noticed if you were gone, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be lonely. Throughout all of this at least I’ve had Draco, Theo, Pans, Daph, and Trace, even if I have to be somewhat careful. You are so strong, having to go through this year alone, but you don’t have to be alone anymore. As long as you’re ok with it, I’d be happy to be your friend and give you something worth living for. I promise I will never leave you.”
“Alright, we can try being friends,” Luna conceded, scooching closer to him on the couch, as they basked in the comfortable silence of friendship.
The room provided a table for them to put the tray on once their eyes began to get heavy. Sitting next to each other, they nodded off, Luna using his shoulder as a pillow.
Luna dreamt. She was falling, falling, falling into darkness, the only light a glow emanating from her. The farther she fell the dimmer the light grew. Out of the darkness she saw gleaming white wings, sprouting from Blaise’s back, contrasting beautifully with his dark coloration. He was wreathed in a flickering blaze of fire - Luna grinned at the wordplay- and when he grabbed her hand, wings sprouted from her back, these black, she and Blaise color opposites. The light surrounding him brightened hers, which in turn brightened his, and they soared up out of the darkness, hand in hand. They emerged into moonlight, and he took her other hand. He pulled her in and their lips met, shyly at first, then hungrily.
She began to drift out of the dream, but smiled, knowing that he would still be there when she woke. As the last of the dream faded, she heard him whisper “I love you.” She smiled wider, calling out her own I love you, knowing it wasn’t just a dream.

Notes:

Thanks for reading; I’d appreciate a kudos or any way to show that people are actually enjoying this! Lol

Chapter 4: At your side - Blaise

Notes:

TW for the cruciatus curse and past trauma regarding a dead child.

Blaise woke to the taste of her kiss lingering on his lips. She tasted like sunshine, like summer. Like happiness. He had dreamed of her, of them soaring through the sky, and in that dream she was free. Free of all her doubt and sadness. She was healed as much as she could be. And she loved him.
He looked down to see her cuddled up to him, and he cautiously put his arm around her. As he rested his hand on her knee, she turned her head up towards him with a content little smile. He realized she wasn’t asleep, and he was still a bit too muddled from his dream. He tried to remove his arm, but she stopped him.
“Dont.” At her request he left his arm around her. She was quiet for a moment, but then continued, in a slightly amused tone, “If you’re as good a kisser as in our dream, I think I’ll keep you around.”
“What do you mean?” He laughed incredulously. “Weren’t you a bit reluctant about this… friendship?”
“Don’t you remember? I mean it just happened.” She responded, sounding like he obviously should’ve known.
“That dream? It was… it was real?”
She smiled vaguely. “People are much more honest in dreams.”
“Wha-how?”
“It’s a family thing. All of the Lovegoods for, well, generations, have been able to do it. It’s been in the family for as long as we can remember.”
Blaise shook his head in disbelief. What had he gotten himself into with this wonderful girl?
“I’m healing already. The moon does wonders.” He grinned at her embarrassed smile.
“Happy to help, as long as you keep helping me.”

After breakfast, all of the older students had class together, so one of the Carrows could always be in every class. They ignored each other throughout both of their morning classes, only stealing the occasional glance to check in on one another, because any connection could be exploited by almost anyone. It was hard to tell who the few students were that were secretly on the side of the Carrows and the death eaters. Then it came time for their ‘dark arts class’, which was mainly an excuse for the Carrows to torture students.
As usual, they singled him out. As he slowly made his way to the front of the room at Amycus Carrow’s behest, Filch came through the door, dragging along two small first years in chains. Blaise had to look away from their terrified young faces, echoes of the same frozen expression marring the still face of Ember, just a year younger than them, all innocence stripped away in death.
“Mr. Zabini, I’m not sure if you are familiar with the curse we are going to be learning today. Could I have a volunteer to demonstrate the cruciatus curse?”
Of course he knew the cruciatus, he’d been forced to use it all year. Amycus Carrow just wanted an excuse to see the ‘halfblood’ slytherin tortured. Greg and Vince eagerly thrust their meaty hands into the air, slavering for the chance to cast their favorite curse on their dorm mate. The intimidation and bribery he’d used his first year to cultivate his image as a true and worthy slytherin who deserved respect, no matter how they scrutinized his blood purity, seemed to have worn off on those two. They weren’t known for their memory or critical thinking skills.
“Mr. Crabbe, how about you come up and show Mr. Zabini the curse he must perform?”
Vince eagerly jumped up from his chair and clambered onto the slightly raised stage at the front of the classroom. Standing in front of Blaise, he looked to Carrow for permission, and in response to the nod he was given, brought his wand down, glee shining in his eyes as he cast the cruciatus.
Blaise was no stranger to this curse, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He sank to the ground, imagined fire wreathing his body, as it felt like the very blood in his veins was boiling, bursting through his skin, cooking him alive from the inside out. But the worst was the ashen, dead face of Ember staring at him blankly, telling him that he had failed her, it was all her fault, and that she had never loved him.
Gradually the pain receded, and as Blaise shakily sat up, he saw Vince returning to his chair. He forced himself to his feet, carelessly wiping his tears and the blood trickling from his nose on his sleeve. He came out of his stupor as the first years were pushed to the ground at his feet, and he caught the end of Carrow’s explanation.
“… their detention for talking too loudly during class. Mr. Zabini, would you please carry out their punishment?”
Blaise had to close his eyes and look away as their pleading expressions were turned to him. He almost felt as though he were outside of his body, being puppeted by some unseen force, as he felt himself cast the cruciatus curse on them. But he didn't hear their screams or see their faces, in front of him was Ember condemning him, telling him that he was just as bad as a death eater.
In a daze, he cursed the next victim, a third year caught out of her dorm a minute past curfew, not seeing, not feeling, dead inside. Blaise was hyper-aware of Luna’s silver gaze as he was forced to say those unspeakable words. He knew she could see how weak he was, how broken. It was almost as bad as being tortured himself. But then the unthinkable happened. The next name Amycus called to come to the front for Blaise to curse.
“Looney Lovegood, why don’t you help us with this demonstration?”

Notes:

I got my first kudos!!!! TYSM for reading and enjoying this!!!

Chapter 5: Whatever it takes - Luna

Notes:

TW: Amycus Carrow being a creepy motherfucker (old man being sexually creepy towards a minor. It will get worse as the story continues)

Luna sat at her desk, watching Blaise break. It hurt her to see him hurting. As the third year on the floor in front of him was dragged away, Amycus Carrow skimmed down the list of students, searching for the next victim.
“Looney Lovegood, why don’t you help us with this demonstration?” Amycus sneered at her, and smirked at her chest under her too-small robes. Curse her dorm-mates for stealing her things. Now she was being ogled at by a disgusting man a good 30 years her senior, while she had more pressing matters to deal with.
What was Blaise going to do? She prayed he stayed in character. It would be even worse for both of them if anyone realized that they were close. She only hoped that him having to curse her wouldn’t break him beyond repair. Or her.
She approached the dais, seeing his panic and indecision. Damn. She hoped he would make the right choice.
Something in his eyes hardened. She braced herself, grateful he had made the right choice. He straightened and opened his mouth, his beautiful mouth. She readied herself for pain.

Notes:

Sorry about the inconsistency in the chapter length. I prioritized the consistency of alternating POVs which means that some chapters are really short, and some are very long. I’d appreciate a kudos if you’re enjoying the story so far!

Chapter 6: If I fail you - Blaise

Notes:

TW: Character death (Blaise’s backstory of his family’s death)

He was weak. So weak. Here she stood before him, their fate in his hands, and he didn’t know what to do. If he uttered that one unforgivable word he’d be fine—physically, at least—but she wouldn’t be, and he didn’t know if she’d ever trust him again, after he had promised her not even a day prior to never hurt her.
If he tried, tried to be brave, to play Gryffindor, he’d be condemning himself to torture, and who knew what for her. He looked into her eyes, he saw her resolution, what she knew he needed him to do. He hoped that she wouldn’t hate him for being weak.
Weak like that night.
Blaise apparated back to the manor, bag magically enlarged and full of his school supplies for the coming year, all freshly bought at Diagon alley. For the first year, he had gone shopping himself, using his own gold he had earned over the summer working at the magical menagerie in Diagon alley, and taking advantage of his newly acquired apparition license. He landed inside the customary welcoming room, the one place on the grounds not protected by anti-apparation wards.
Cursing the stairs, he made his way up to his rooms, setting his school supplies down on his bed to be packed later, and he opened the door to his room, peering out into the hallway and calling out.
“Mother! Ember! Harold! I’m home!”
He quickly retreated, and grabbed a small box from his bag, and strode back out to the hallway.
Strangely, there was no response from his mother, sister or his newest step-father, and feeling mildly unsettled he walked along the carpeted floors to his little sister’s room. He knocked on her door, garishly pink against the elegant backdrop of the rest of the manor, painted with large, colorful, flowers. Blaise knew better than to be fooled by this innocent facade; his little sister was a menace, but he loved her all the same.
“Ember?” He called out when he got no response. Knocking once more, he finally opened the door, praying she wasn’t in there or she would kill him for opening her door without permission.
He didn’t see her anywhere, but knowing her, she could be hiding and playing a trick on him, so he entered the room, scanning every hiding place for her, waiting for her to jump out and tackle him.
He was about to leave the room when something strange registered in his mind, and he spun around once more. Looking out the window to the back lawn of the manor, the grass was bathed in a strange, greenish light. Suddenly worried, Blaise rushed down the stairs, back through the entryway he had apparated into, and out onto the front lawn.
The instant he burst through the front doors, his worst fears were brought to light. In front of him were three bodies tangled together, almost glowing green from the dark mark tattooed on the sky.
He rushed to them, kneeling at their sides, seeing Harold on top, his face twisted in pain and fear, his body laced with gashes, seemingly having gone down fighting to keep Ember and Blaise’s mother safe. His mother had one arm curled protectively around Ember, gorgeous curls matted with blood, the face known as the most beautiful in wizarding Britain wracked in pain. And the worst sight of all, Ember, his sweet little sister, eyes wide with panic, face contorted into a scream, forever still in death. Ember, always so vibrant and full of life, was now still and stiff, one hand still clutched around her stuffed Pygmy puff, that she never went anywhere without.
Vision blurry with tears, Blaise threw his head back to the dark mark in the sky, and choked out a scream raw with fury and grief.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” He sobbed over the corpse of his little sister, the one person who never failed to make him smile. “It should have been me! I failed you. You deserved a better brother. I'm so sorry. I failed you, I should have been here.”
He pulled the box out of his pocket, squinting through the tears at the necklace he had gotten her less than an hour ago, a small flicker of everlasting fire trapped inside a jar along with a flame freezing charm. All that warmth and vibrance was now gone. Grimly, he fastened it around his own neck. “I promise I will never forget you. I will do my best to be a brother that would have been worthy of you. I promise not to be weak.”
He kissed her on the forehead, then his mother, leaving a smear of her blood on his lips, and trailing his fingers lightly down her arm that wasn’t around his sister, down to where it clutched her stomach, and shed silent tears for what would’ve been his little brother.
He laid a hand on Harold’s shoulder before retreating to the fireplace to floo the aurors. For the first time in his life he was so close to having a perfect, happy family, but that was no longer the case. He never even knew his little brother, so he shouldn’t mourn, he told himself that he would forget.
He couldn’t forget.
Even now, as he held his wand against the woman he loved, he knew he had failed her as he had failed his family, along with his unborn brother; the promise of the perfect life that was so cruelly ended.

Chapter 7: All apologies - Luna

Notes:

If it’s not clear, TW this chapter for cruciatus curse, and again, Amycus Carrow being sexually creepy.

“Crucio.”
She heard his voice, cold and hard as the pain began. Her world was torment. Anguish and fear. And the only one she could trust was the one causing it. She was deafened by her own screams, her vision blurred by tears. The pain wasn’t even close to the worst she had felt; it took real hatred to cast an unforgivable, and Blaise’s emotions towards her were anything but that. The true pain was the cruciatus telling her that it was him, her only ally, turned on her once more.
Make it stop, she begged, make it stop, as Amycus Carrow laughed and laughed, the sadistic bastard.
Through the watery blur she saw Blaise’s face turned away as she writhed in pain on the floor.
This is what you get for thinking you could be loved, the little voice whispered. She fought it, trying to hang onto the truth, but all she could hear was Amycus Carrow laughing as he finally decided she’d had enough and the screaming in her ears quieted to moans.
“Listen to her moan. Next time it’ll be even more enjoyable, although in a different context, I’m sure.” Amycus jeered.
Luna struggled to stand as the other students filed silently out of the room, and she felt Blaise’s worried gaze as he was ushered out of the room by Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. As she finally struggled to her feet, Amycus came up behind her. She could feel his sticky, rancid breath on her neck, his flabby lips brushing her ear, and his groping hands on her breasts, and tried not to be sick as he hissed into her ear.
“You just wait, sweet. A shame to let a pretty little pureblood go to waste. You just wait until you’re alone and I’ll hear you moan again. I look forward to it.” His tongue flicked up the edge of her ear, and she fought a shudder of disgust. She stood perfectly still as his looming weight disappeared, and then ran immediately to the nearest bathroom to be sick.
That was how Blaise found her, crying, hysterical, hunched over a toilet, the sour stench of vomit perfuming the air. He silently held back her hair as she retched and sobbed.
Weak, tired, and terrified, when she finished vomiting she curled up into a ball on the floor, Blaise’s hand on her back, futilely trying to rub away whatever happened after his terrible betrayal.

Notes:

Sorry for the shorter chapter, but I hope you still enjoy! Please leave a kudos if you’re liking this!

Chapter 8: Say it ain’t so - Blaise

Notes:

TW for past SA against a child (Blaise)

He swore to kill Carrow for whatever had happened. Slowly. Painfully. No one had any right to make her feel like this. After maybe half an hour, he didn’t dare stay any longer for fear of being caught, he disillusioned them and carried Luna to the room of requirement.
He laid her down on the bed, and cried for her silently as he curled around her protectively. He would never let this happen again. He would die first.
An 11 year-old Blaise burst excitedly into his mother’s room, Hogwarts letter clutched in his fist.
“Mum! Mum! Look!”
Instead of his mother sitting at the desk, it was her newest husband, a man named Daniel, who Blaise didn’t care for much.
“Excuse me, sir,” Blaise asked politely, the way his mother had taught him, “Do you know where my mother is?”
Daniel turned around, grinning.
“Sorry kid, she went out with her friends tonight.”
“Do you happen to know when she is planning on returning?”
“Oh, it won’t be for a while yet.” He stood up, a man with an intimidating stature, towering over the young Blaise.
“I-” Blaise was cut off by the older man pulling out his wand and flicking it towards the door, and Blaise heard the ominous click of a lock.
“You’re a good lookin’ kid, you know that?” Daniel sneered, tilting his head to the side.
Blaise’s eyes darted back and forth, searching for some way of escape. The only door was locked, they were on the third floor, so the window wasn’t an option, and there weren’t even any fireplaces, as his mother didn’t believe in taking floo calls in one’s personal quarters, as the ash was much too messy to clean on a carpeted floor, especially since they didn’t employ a house elf, only cleaning witches, who weren’t as thorough or regular.
“Excuse me sir, I-” Blaise was stopped once more by a sinister laugh, as Daniel stalked towards him. He was slowly backed into the locked door, and his current step-father gripped his shoulder, hard.
“You’re a fine little piece of ass, aren’t you?” He sneered, “I ought to teach you a lesson, put you in your place. You must think you’re all that, don’t you?”
Blaise shook as Daniel pointed his wand at him, and the older man laughed another one of his evil laughs.
“Scared, boy? I'll give you something to be scared of!” With that he silenced Blaise, rendering any cries for help useless, and removed his robes as tears streamed down Blaise’s face.
“Man up! Men don’t cry!” Daniel barked, laughing. That just made Blaise cry more, and Daniel sighed and shook his head. Blaise was forced to his knees, and the older man instructed him on how to use his mouth and hands. Once he was finished, he pulled up his trousers and donned his rooms. Stepping over Blaise, curled in a ball on the floor, crying, he unlocked the door. With one final glance at the young boy, he delivered a warning.
“And this is between you and me, you got that, bitch? If I hear one whisper of this, from anyone, your precious little sister will be next. Understand? I’ll be seeing you soon, kid!”
It wasn’t until Easter holidays that Blaise finally broke down to his mother about why he avoided Daniel. That was the last Blaise ever saw of him alive.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos!

Chapter 9: Come as you are - Luna

Notes:

I feel like TWs are useless at this point; its the same shit that’s been happening.

Luna ran through a maze of twisting dark thorns. From every corner she could hear Amycus cackling and calling her ‘sweet’, and Blaise’s dark voice saying ‘crucio’. Suddenly she fell down a hole after a white rabbit that had opened up in the ground. She had managed to create an escape from this continued torture as she floated down, a blue dress with an apron billowing out around her. She landed in a warm colorful room, with Blaise appearing slowly, his white teeth gleaming in the bright lights, twisting from a sickening grin to an expression of worry and anguish as the rest of him slowly materialized outward. She approached him carefully, not sure if she had really brought him there, or if this was just another trick of the nightmare.
He looked up.
“Luna,” he whispered, her name a prayer on his lips. “Oh Luna, I’m so sorry. What did he do to you?”
Luna shuddered at the thought.
“I’ll show you,” she squeaked in a tiny scared voice, “But I’m not going to relive it.”
“I would never ask that of you.” He promised, tangling his fingers through hers, and giving her a comforting squeeze.
She screwed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears as she seized control of the dream, twisting it to show Blaise the horrid events of less than an hour before.
When it was over and she removed her hands and opened her eyes, Blaise’s strong arms were wrapped around her, his eyes boring into hers.
“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him. I’m going to stare into his eyes as he dies slowly, and he will know that every second of torture I make him endure was based solely on this moment.”
“Blaise,” She began, then stopped, unsure of what to say. He pulled her onto his lap and she burst into tears, soaking the shoulder of his robes. “I’m so scared!” She bawled.
Blaise held her tight, stroking her hair. “I promise I’ll keep you safe. And unlike yesterday’s promise, I will keep this one. I’m done being weak.”
“I’m scared to be alone! He could come at any time!”
“Then I’ll stay with you. I won’t let him touch you. I swear on my life.”
“Thank you, Blaise.” She said through her tears. He held her and whispered sweet nothings into her hair until she could cry no more.
Falling asleep in the dream, she woke up in the real world, and woke Blaise as she sat up with a sour taste in her mouth. Looking down, she realized that her robes weren’t the cleanest anymore either.
“I need a bath,” she said to the room. “I need to wash his filth and the vomit off me.”
Blaise flushed. “Umm, er, what do you want me to do, I mean, you said you didn’t want to be alone, but I don’t think you’d appreciate me sitting beside you while you, er, um, bathe. Er, in the nude…”
Luna giggled a little at his awkwardness, but was seriously contemplating his very valid question.
“Could you maybe disillusion me, but stay next to me?”
“Er, ok.” He gulped.
She felt the spell take over, and walked over to the tub that the room had provided, full of warm water and bubbles, as a lavender scent filled the room, and her favorite shampoo and body wash sat next to the enticing bath. She shucked off her clothes, folding her undergarments into her robes, so they weren’t on display.
Blaise had walked closer, cautiously, because he couldn’t see where she was. She set down her clothing, watching as it disappeared, probably courtesy of the house elves, and she stepped into the warm froth. She sunk into the foam, letting the warm water help her relax. She sighed, and leaned back, smiling at Blaise’s discomfort, fidgeting on a chair, trying not to look her way.
She washed all the nasty filth off her body, and the bit of vomit out of her hair. When she stepped out, she was surrounded by a whirl of wind, mostly drying her, although her hair was still damp. She walked over to her bed, where clothes, clothes that actually fit her, were sitting. She began to dress herself, grateful that each garment disappeared along with her as she grabbed it.
“I’m done,” she told Blaise. “Can you remove the charm?”
Luna walked over to him, touching his arm so he would know where she was.
In an instant she was visible once more, fully bathed and dressed.
“Thank you,” she whispered, hugging him.
“You’re welcome, but what for?”
“Everything.”
The couch from the fireplace moved behind them and they sat down, and it slid back to its original position. They sat there for a while, embracing, with her in his lap, his hands in her hair, and the occasional tear wetting his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry-” Blaise started, but Luna pressed a finger to his lips, startling him quite a bit.
“It’s ok. You did what was best. You did what you needed to do, even though you didn’t want it to happen. And then you helped me.” She smiled. “Oh, and also, I can feel that,” she giggled, straddling him and lightly ground into his growing hardness.
Blaise looked away, turning redder than she had ever seen him. She turned his face back with two fingers, forcing him to look at her, though his eyes kept darting away.
“I think it’s rather funny.” For the first time outside of the dream, Luna brought her lips to his, yanking him forward by the front of his shirt. He groaned into her mouth and she laughed, gasping as he tangled his fingers further into her hair, pulling her even closer. Her hands were now caressing his back under his shirt, and he pulled back a few inches.
“Are you sure this is ok? I mean after…”
Luna answered by pulling him even closer, closing the gap once more. The couch widened into a bed, and they broke off in a surprised laugh.
“Luna, fuck. I think your nargles might be here. My brain is feeling a little fuzzy.”
“Hmm, me too,” she replied dreamily, pulling him up towards her again. He laughed, reciprocating the kiss once more. “Mmm, fuck, Blaise. Fuck, I love you.” She mumbled into his mouth. She sucked in a breath as his teeth grazed her bottom lip hungrily, and she pushed herself closer.
As her lips devoured his, her hands pushed up his shirt and explored his back further, scraping fingernails over sinuous muscles. He exhaled sharply, and pulled her as close as physically possible, his hands tugging at her hair so frantically that it would’ve hurt if she didn’t enjoy it so much. He was moaning her name into her mouth, but the half formed thought of that word made her pull away. He saw the fear in her eyes, and immediately tried to roll out from under her.
“I’m so sorry Luna, I shouldn’t have…”
“No, it’s ok. It’s not your fault. I don’t regret it. Wait, do you?” She began to get a bit frantic, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry you didn’t want it, I-”
“Luna, I don’t regret it a bit. I’m just sorry that happened so soon after…”
Luna hugged herself, and shifted back a bit so she was sitting on his legs and he could sit up. He tentatively reached his arms around her, and she lunged towards him, wrapping her arms around his torso. The bed had turned back to a couch so they could sit comfortably.
“I won’t let him do anything to you.” He vowed.
For the second night in a row, they fell asleep on that couch, together, as one.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos! We’re getting to where the chapters will be longer and we’re catching up to where I have written, so pretty soon updates will take longer since I’ll be updating in real time.

Chapter 10

Blaise woke, slightly uncomfortable from sleeping sitting up for the second night in a row. He looked down at the beautiful girl in his arms, and softly kissed her on the top of her head. He had no idea how he was so blessed that they found each other.
She stirred and turned to smile up at him.
“Good morning!” She whispered.
“Any morning that I wake up to see you is a good one, Moonshine!” He responded, grinning at her. She giggled, and sat up.
“Moonshine?”
“Like sunshine, except I didn’t think that quite worked because of your name, so… Moonshine!”
“Isn’t that alcohol or something?
“Shit, I forgot. It is. Because you’re addicting?”
Luna laughed, and Blaise laughed with her.
“Works for me!”
“To be fair, you are pretty addicting!”
“All right, but what do I call you? Blaisey-pie?”
They both fake gagged.
“Don’t you already have it? I mean you called me it the first night.”
Luna looked confused.
“Pretty boy?”
She laughed, a sweet sound that made his heart swell, along with something else.
“Of course! Pretty boy it is!”
The atmosphere grew solemn as they remembered their circumstances.
“Except that’s only for here.” She murmured.
“Yeah.” He agreed quietly.
“What are we going to do?” She asked in a barely audible voice. “I’m scared to go back out there. But I can’t really stay here all day, can I? And It wouldn’t be fair to keep you here either.”
“I’m honestly surprised that Filch hasn’t put me in detention yet for not being in my dorm. You know now that he can, he uses every chance he gets to chain and whip us. But you’re right, we can’t stay here all day. I promise I will be at your side at all times.”
Luna leaned into him, and he pulled her lithe body onto his lap. He kissed her head once more, and then she tilted her head up, and pulled his mouth to hers. He savored her taste, so bright and hopeful, a stark contrast to the current situation at Hogwarts.
She sighed pulling back, and Blaise, grumbled, disappointed.
“We’ve got to get going.” She pointed out, and Blaise reluctantly rose from the couch, stretching, catching Luna admiring him as he did so. He pulled her into a hug, and gave her one last kiss, before they both stepped behind changing screens provided by the room, so they could prepare themselves for the day.

They took a deep breath, and stepped through the door. They both knew that they couldn’t just stay in the room of requirement all day, but Luna wasn’t nearly ready to go out by herself. And Blaise couldn’t be disillusioned all day, so they had to blow their cover. They were both scared, but it was the best of their choices, which were, admittedly, all shitty. At least this way she would feel at least somewhat safe.
Trying to stay unnoticed, they made their way into the great hall for breakfast. Luna was willing to brave the Slytherin table, having no friends at her house’s table, and Blaise might have potential allies in his house. And if they turned against them, Blaise was willing to do anything to protect her. Although Blaise knew Vince and Greg were completely and utterly sadistic, and were thoroughly delighted with the Carrow’s reign, he thought he could see reluctance in the eyes of his friends.
For years Draco had confided in his friends how his father kept pressuring him, and while Theo might be a bit of a stereotypical bad boy, he didn’t genuinely want to hurt anyone. Sure, he would beat someone up, but never to the point of permanent damage, and they usually deserved it. One of Blaise’s few good memories from this year (excepting the recent time spent with Luna) was of Theo beating up Zacharias Smith. That asshole always deserved it, but this specific instance was when he was making fun of Daphne for crying because her cat had died.
Holding Luna’s hand, he led her to the Slytherin table, ignoring the hushed murmur of surprise, quelled by fear of the Carrows. They sat down at the end claimed by Blaise’s yearmates, next to Draco, letting Luna have the edge, so she’d be farther away if fighting broke out.
“Where have you been?” Draco hissed, “I’ve had to cover for you when Filch came in, and hide it from Vince and Greg, because you know they’d tell. But they’re all starting to get suspicious.”
“I’ve been… somewhere hidden.” Blaise replied slowly, glad that it seemed like Draco was on his side.
“You like ‘em tender?” Vince sneered across the table.
Blaise delicately rose an elegant eyebrow, daring him to say more. To no one’s surprise, his skull was too thick for the message to reach his brain, and he clarified.
“It’s the bitch you got to have fun with in class yesterday.”
For once Blaise was glad they were being taught dark curses as he raised his wand, but he felt a soft touch on his arm, and he let Luna guide his wand back to his pocket, only to see her draw her wand and slash it at Vincent Crabbe. Purple flame sunk into his chest and he collapsed. No one made a move to help him, except for Greg, who shot them a nasty look, but was too scared to confront them.
“Shit!” Blaise gasped, “where the fuck did you learn that?”
“Tell you later.” She replied.
“Holy fuck!” Theo was just as astonished as Blaise was. “I’ve wanted to do that for forever!”
“Don’t want to get on your bad side!” Remarked Draco. “But seriously Blaise, where have you been? With Lovegood?”
“Not originally. It’s a recent development. But I really don’t want this getting back to Greg or Vince. Or Filch. And through them, the Carrows.”
“Why the fuck would we tell them?” Theo scoffed.
Blaise glanced at Luna, and she nodded slightly. He sighed.
“Meet us outside the great hall after dinner. We’ll show you.”
“Ok. Now that’s over, so, dude! That little Ravenclaw you liked?”
Luna raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Blaise, as he looked incredulously at Theo.
“What? I never said anything!”
“Blaise,” Draco sighed, “For the last few years you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off her. You haven’t even been emotionally invested in a relationship since fourth year, after you broke up with Daph’s little sister after she tricked you into taking her to the Yule ball, and even then, the extent of the emotions were mainly embarrassment.”
Blaise shook his head.
“I can’t hide anything from you two.”
Luckily, for their charms and potions class they had Alecto instead of her brother looming over them, which was rather impressive that she managed to loom, considering her stature. Amycus was supervising the classes of the younger students, making sure they weren’t taught anything ‘harmful’.
Then it was lunch, sitting again with Theo and Draco, Greg shooting them nasty looks, and Vince presumably in the infirmary. On the other side of Theo sat the Slytherin girls from his year, Pansy, Daphne, and Tracey whispering together, while Millicent just glared at the world.
After lunch was the mandatory ‘muggle studies’ class, where Alecto Carrow droned on about how muggles were filthy animals that rolled around in one another’s shit. Even Blaise, being raised in pureblood societies with limited muggle interaction knew how far from the truth this was.
“I think she might have disturbed a nest of nargles.” Commented Luna, in a whisper. It was nearly impossible for Blaise to hold in his laughter. Only the reminder of the chains, whips, and the cruciatus that would’ve awaited him if he lost his composure were enough to stifle his guffaw.
After that, it was back to the great hall for dinner, where Blaise, Luna, Theo, and Draco ate in silence, not wanting to draw any attention. Gregory Goyle still glowered at them, and Vince still wasn’t back. The girls continued to whisper amongst themselves, and Millie had settled herself next to Greg. It was clear where her loyalties lay.
Once they had eaten their fill, Blaise and Luna left with the slow trickle of people heading back to their dorms. They stood outside the doors for a minute, waiting in tense silence, until Draco and Theo emerged.
“So, where is this top secret hideout?” Theo asked.
Blaise rolled his eyes. “You’ll see when we get there. Although, Draco, I have to thank you. You’re the one who made this place known to me.”
“Wha– oh! Is it–”
“You’ll see.” Blaise cut him off. “First, we need to get somewhere where we can disillusion ourselves.”
They made their way to the nearest bathroom, pausing to let Pansy, Daphne, and Tracey head into the girls room, and snuck Luna into the boys room with them. Once inside, they each cast the spell on themselves, and Blaise did Luna’s spell. He had been working on teaching her, but it wasn’t a spell you could learn first try. It had took him a few months to perfect it, and, false modesty aside, he was a rather talented wizard.
They re-emerged into the hall, finding it empty, but the charm was a necessary precaution. Using each other’s echoing footsteps to stay together, they made their way up to the entrance to the room of requirement. They paced back and forth three times until the door appeared, and they quickly went inside, although the door seemed stubborn for some reason, and it took a few tries to close.
“I guessed it!” Yelled Draco as he removed the spell. “Well, I didn’t guess it until you gave me the hint, but then I guessed it!”
“Good job, ferret boy!” Theo exclaimed sarcastically, to which Draco responded with a jelly legs jinx, although Theo easily threw up a shield.
“Quit it, you two.” Blaise rolled his eyes as he removed Luna’s charm. “Acting like first years.”
Theo flipped him off, while Draco stuck out his tongue, but Blaise just smiled, glad to have his friends back. They turned to actually get a good look at the room, when something confusing jumped out at all four of them.
“Why are there six beds?” Draco asked warily.
“Shit!” Swore a disembodied voice, “Fucking magical room blowing our cover!”
“Pansy?” Blaise asked, looking around incredulously, “The fuck are you doing here?” He only knew one person with that voice and that extensive of unprovoked vulgarity.
Pansy appeared behind them, followed by Daphne and Tracey.
“Well, you weren’t exactly being silent at breakfast, and we wanted to see what you were talking about.”
“Fuck! Did anyone else hear?” Blaise asked frantically.
“Nah. We were the only ones close enough. If Millie had tried she could’ve heard, but she was too busy hating the world in an effort to impress Greg. Fucking idiot.”
“But don’t worry!” Daphne jumped in, “We won’t tell. Especially not me, not after what those fuckers did.”
The Carrows were the reason behind the death of her cat.
“And we stand by our friends. We don’t need anyone else getting tortured.” Tracey added quietly.
“Ok, that’s settled, but there are still seven of us, and only six beds. Care to explain, anyone?” Theo asked, smirking at Blaise and Luna’s entwined hands. Both blushed, and while Blaise flipped Theo off, Luna quietly asked the room for another bed.
“It-its not like that- I mean we haven’t- we didn’t-”
For the first time in months, Blaise had all of his friends around him, laughing.
“Ok, while this is all hilarious, could we laugh sitting down? I’m still sore.”
They all winced as the room provided a semi-circle couch around the lit fire place. Tracey had been one of Amycus’s cruciatus demonstrations the day before.
They’d all made their way to the couch and sat down, Luna and Blaise cuddled up together, to the snickers of all. The other girls huddled together, leaving Theo and Draco just stiffly sitting upright, looking around, unsure what to do.
“No, but seriously, Blaise, and you too, Luna,” Draco said once they were all settled down, “We won’t blow your cover. Blaise, you’re our friend, and Luna, you’re with him, so you’re practically one of us.”
“Feel free to stay here. There’s obviously an abundance of space. But really, thank you, everyone.”
Blaise was interrupted by a strange grating sound coming from the fireplace. A big dark hole had opened up right next to it.

Notes:

Ok, so here’s where I start to reference some things from a Harry Potter fanfiction series called living with danger. I absolutely adore it, and I’m using some elements from it, but it 100% isn’t necessary to understand what’s happening. But I really do recommend it; it’s on fanfiction.net and the first one is called living with danger, by the author whydoyouneedtoknow. Thank you for reading and please consider leaving a kudos if you’re enjoying this!

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! This is my first ever fic, and I’m having some anxiety about posting this. I’m afraid I didn’t accurately characterize Luna, but I tried my best. I accept constructive criticism, but please don’t just be mean.