Chapter Text
“I was tangled up in the string until the day you cut me free.” - Bedtime Riot “Thorn”
Mira smiled proudly as she looked around her apartment. It was small, quaint, and all hers. A sense of pride swelled in her chest at the thought. She was doing it her way and without her family. Her mother told her she wouldn’t make it on her own, that she had no clue what the real world was like, and a part of her was afraid she was right, but it didn’t stop her from leaving. She had been saving up for a while, dreaming about what life could be like without the constant disapproving glare of her mother and taunting smirks from her brother. Her father never joined in on his wife’s cutting remarks, but he never stopped her either. In some ways, Mira thought that was worse. So, she left. She took the small savings she had, the few precious trinkets and things from her childhood and she left. Her loft in the city was smaller than her old room. Her mother most certainly would not approve and that made it even better. Her loft was her through and through. Every design choice, poster, and piece of clothing in it was part of her authentic self and that made her proud. It wasn’t exactly cheap and her savings were dwindling from the move already but she managed to find some work at a dance studio. It didn’t pay much but she taught a few classes during the day and was able to use the studio at night sometimes to work on her choreography. She even managed to post a video of her one of her dances online and make a bit of money when it went viral.
Life on her own wasn’t exactly easy, she kept to herself and didn’t trust most people, but things were starting to feel more doable. It felt like she was finally living for herself and that’s what mattered the most to Mira. A part of her wanted to stay in her cozy loft and bask in everything she’d built but she promised herself she would try to get out more and explore the city in the ways she wasn’t allowed to under the thumb of her family. She grabbed her bag and headed out for the night in search of the spot a dancer at the studio mentioned. She knew she found the place before she even turned onto the block, loud cheers and laughter pulsed from the old warehouse where people were filing in and out. The place was already quite crowded when she entered and she maneuvered her way toward the front where a makeshift stage was set up. The crowd began to cheer as a spotlight fell onto the stage and an MC announced the start of the freestyle rap competition. She smiled when groups of rappers walked onto the stage to hype up the crowd. Mira had always wanted to attend a rap battle. Dance was her specialty but she was amazed at how some artists could play with words and come up with lyrics on the spot. As they were introduced, one of the rappers caught Mira’s attention right away. She was one of only a handful of women onstage and the smallest of them all. She looked small in stature compared to the others but her baggy jeans, cropped long sleeved shirt, and the way she hyped up the crowd made it clear she wasn’t to be taken lightly. It didn’t take Mira long to realize what everyone else in the competition did. The woman was a ringer. She used the assumptions based on her small stature to lure the other rappers into a false sense of security before launching her attacks. The crowd ate up every second of it and Mira found herself cheering right along with everyone else as The Lady of Burbank won. After the competition was over, the crowd slowly cleared out, leaving behind only a few that wanted to meet the rappers. Mira surprised herself when she headed in the direction of the group as well. It was like she was in a trance and all she could see was the fascinating young woman who put every other rapper to shame. Their eyes met and Mira smiled when the rapper politely ended her conversation with another rapper and approached her. Before Mira could say a word, the shorter woman greeted her.
“Hey, cute bag, I love that. Where did you get it? I definitely need a new one. This city is so easy to get lost in and I need like twenty maps just to understand it but I love it…but I need a bag just to navigate it,” she rambled and Mira giggled.
“What, a girl from Burbank isn’t used to the big city? Isn’t that like right by Los Angeles or something?”
“Yeah, but it’s different. In a good way, but still different. I’m still getting used to it.”
“Same and I’ve lived here my whole life, not in the city, more like the outskirts, but I feel like I’m just now really experiencing it on my own. Here, you uh…you should have this,” said Mira as she began taking her things out of the bag. The rapper quickly shook her head.
“Whoa, no, I couldn’t ask you to do that.” Mira waved her off.
“It’s not a big deal. I have a few at home. I used to have a huge collection but I recently downsized. I still have plenty though so here, really, it’s cool.” She handed the bag to her and her eyes widened when the rapper leapt into her arms to hug her. Mira didn’t consider herself a hugger, not in the least bit, but as she wrapped her arms around the woman and soaked up the warmth and pure joy radiating off of her, she wondered if not being a hugger had ever really been by choice.
“Thank you so much! That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I’m Zoey, by the way.”
“What, not the Lady of Burbank?” teased Mira. She chuckled when Zoey dramatically rolled her eyes.
“The MC, Yu-jun, made that one up. Not exactly my first choice,” said Zoey.
“Well, we don’t get a lot of Americans around here, especially not ones as gorgeous as you.” Mira smiled when the words made Zoey blush and shyly stuff her hands into her pockets.
“You’re pretty gorgeous yourself,” admitted Zoey. Their eyes locked again, but their moment was interrupted by some of the other rappers approaching Zoey.
“The Lady of Burbank does it again,” said Yu-jun and Zoey playfully rolled her eyes at him.
“You’ve got to stop calling me that.”
“I’ll call you whatever you want after that performance,” said Yu-jun. One of the female rappers smiled at Mira and looked her up and down.
“Who’s your friend?” asked Sook. Zoey blushed as she turned back to Mira.
“Sorry, I didn’t get your name,” said Zoey. Mira gave a nod of acknowledgment to the group.
“I’m Mira.”
“I’m Sook. You single, Mira?” asked Sook. Zoey’s jaw dropped and Mira chuckled at the question. Yu-jun laughed as well.
“Damn, Sook, you waste no time,” he teased. Sook winked at Mira.
“I know what I like. You should come out with us. We’re heading to that new club down the street. You in?” asked Sook. Before Mira could respond, Zoey slipped her hand into hers and pulled Mira away from the group.
“Okay, that’s enough of that. Sorry about them. You see why I have to always put them in their place during our battles?” asked Zoey. Mira nodded with a giggle.
“They’re definitely friendly,” she agreed. Zoey bit her lip nervously when she realized their hands were still intertwined.
“Shameless flirting aside, you could come with us if you wanted,” said Zoey. Mira smiled mischievously at her.
“Well, that depends. Do you want me to? I wouldn’t want to tag along if you’re meeting someone there or something.” Zoey quickly shook her head.
“No, I’m not meeting…I’m single…very, very single. You…you should come,” said Zoey. She beamed with happiness when Mira nodded.
“Cool, lead the way,” said Mira. They followed the group out of the warehouse, hands still joined together all the while. The group was rambunctiously teasing each other about the competition and ranking each other’s freestyles, but Mira and Zoey weren’t paying much attention to anyone else but one another. They walked together in comfortable silence and Mira couldn’t focus on much else except for the way Zoey’s thumb was drawing invisible circles on her hand. It amazed them both how effortless it felt to be in each other’s presence. Mira tended to feel awkward in social situations and wasn’t a fan of small talk. Zoey tended to ramble to keep conversations going and to feel engaged, but neither felt the need for any of that as they headed toward the nightclub. Mira’s eyes never left Zoey for long and soon they were pressed against each other as they made their way inside. They waded through the pulsing bodies with Zoey leading the way. Mira placed her hands on Zoey’s hips to stay connected as they maneuvered through the swaths of people. They suddenly stopped and Zoey turned in her arms. Mira was confused at first but managed to snap out of her daze of the petite woman long enough to realize they were in the middle of the dance floor. Zoey wrapped her arms around Mira’s neck as their bodies began to sway to the music. Mira leaned closer as Zoey whispered in her ear.
“Is this okay?” she asked. Zoey smiled when Mira’s hands slid to her backside and held her closer.
“Perfect,” said Mira as Zoey bit her lip. They danced like that as the crowd around them faded into the background. As Zoey’s hips grinded into hers, Mira found her confidence. She slowly leaned in, giving Zoey time to pull back if she wanted to. Their lips brushed together briefly before Mira pulled back to gauge her response. She moaned when Zoey captured her lips again in a searing kiss that set her body alight. It didn’t take long for their kisses to grow more earnest, hungrier, needier, and Mira was leading them out of the club without a second thought soon after. Their fingers were laced together as they walked hand in hand back to Mira’s loft, stealing glances and smiles.
“You think your friends will be mad that we ditched them?” asked Mira.
“No, but they’re definitely going to tease me mercilessly about it. You’re totally worth it though,” assured Zoey. Mira sighed in relief when her building came into view. Zoey followed her inside and both were quiet as their nerves threatened to get the best of them. Mira unlocked the door to her loft and led the way inside. Zoey looked around at the fashion magazines, video equipment, and posters hanging in the living room. There were golden lights streaming along the staircase that led up to the bedroom.
“This place is really nice,” said Zoey as she continued to look around.
“Thanks, it’s my carveout in the big city, a place that’s just for me. You have a place around here?”
“I’m staying with some family friends until I figure out my next move.” Her fingers traced over a small notebook on the counter and Mira blushed when she noticed.
“Oh, uh, that’s just some scribbles. Dancing to other people’s music is cool but I’ve been trying to figure out what beats would work for the perfect choreo.” Zoey’s eyes lit up.
“I write music too. I have notebooks full of it.”
“That’s kind of perfect of you.” Zoey smiled and pulled Mira back into her arms.
“Perfect, huh?” she teased as she leaned into her and Mira nodded.
“Definitely perfectly,” she whispered before kissing her again. They melted into one another, kissing and caressing, letting the desire that simmered between them build until it threatened to spill over. They made their way up the stairs to the bedroom, giggling with lips never far from one another’s for long. Mira sighed in relief when they made it to her bed and sat down. Her head lolled back as Zoey straddled her waist and peppered kisses on her neck. She’d been with women in the past but never wanted someone so much in her life. Her hands slid up Zoey’s shirt, getting delicious moans and whimpers out of her in the process. Zoey’s top was the first to go, followed by her bra. Mira openly stared at the gorgeous woman and palmed her breasts as Zoey grinded into her.
“I need you,” whispered Zoey. At first, the words scared Mira because they were true for her in ways she couldn’t fathom with a stranger. They barely knew each other and yet everything about them felt right.
“I need you too,” Mira whispered back. She pulled off her top and moaned as Zoey’s fingers ghosted between her legs. She lay back on the bed as Zoey crawled down her body to kiss her stomach and thighs. Mira instinctively spread her legs as Zoey hiked up her skirt and teased her with kisses over the lace of her panties. Mira cursed under her breath and moaned when Zoey palmed her. Zoey watched Mira’s response as she slipped two fingers under her panties and sunk them inside of her. Her hips bucked up to meet each thrust as Zoey set her pace, more than satisfied to watch her in the throes of passion through hooded eyes. Mira gripped the sheets and tried to hold on as she rode Zoey’s fingers. The moment Zoey whispered in her ear, urging her to find her release, Mira came undone and Zoey moaned at the sight. The sound of her name falling from Mira’s lips and bouncing off the walls was music to her ears. She held Mira close as the pink-haired beauty rode out the pleasure. Mira’s lips were on her again in an instant and Zoey giggled when Mira rolled on top of her. Zoey was thoroughly pleased just getting to pleasure her but couldn’t ignore the throbbing between her legs much longer. It was her turn to grip the sheets and let out a moan as Mira pulled off her pants and sunk two fingers into her panties. Zoey gripped onto Mira’s back as Mira thrusted inside of her, letting Zoey’s hips set her pace. She knew she was close. She was soaked for her and she told her as much as she whispered in Zoey’s ear, playfully nipping at her lobe as Zoey reached her peak. Zoey buried her head in the crook of Mira’s neck as a powerful orgasm crashed into her. Mira held her close and tenderly kissed her as Zoey melted into her embrace. They stayed like that, kissing and caressing once again, neither in a hurry or wanting the night to end.
Hours later, Mira woke up in bed alone. She rolled over and sighed as she stretched. She tried to push down the disappointment. Zoey didn’t owe her anything. They weren’t a couple. It was just a one-night type of thing. She sat with the thoughts in her mind, trying to make herself believe them and not the ache in her heart. They had an amazing night together, one she would always remember, and she couldn’t ask for more than that. She knew better than to ask, to hope, to want more than anyone had ever showed her she deserved. Instead, she pulled the covers over her head and decided to go back to sleep. That was when she heard the front door open below. She frowned in confusion and rolled out of bed to lean over the railing. Zoey strolled back into the loft, humming and bobbing her head along to whatever was playing in her headphones. She was balancing a bag of food and several drinks in her hands. The sight made Mira grin from ear to ear. She quickly grabbed an oversized hooded sweater from her closet and put it on. She tried to act nonchalant as she walked downstairs but was sure her bright smile gave her excitement away.
“You’re back.” Zoey perked up at the words.
“You’re awake! You’re so cute when you’re sleeping. I didn’t know what you wanted so I got…kind of…well, everything,” confessed Zoey with a sheepish smile. Mira giggled and jogged over to help her set the food and drinks on the counter.
“That’s really sweet. This is a lot of food,” she said in amusement as she looked at the spread. Zoey smiled even more and shrugged.
“I don’t know about you but I worked up quite an appetite last night.” Mira blushed at the words but nodded as she walked over to pull Zoey into her arms. She kissed her shoulder and worked her way up to her neck.
“I’m glad you came back,” confessed Mira. Zoey frowned in confusion.
“Why wouldn’t I come back?” The question truly left Zoey perplexed and Mira smiled even more.
“I’m just glad you did. You know, no one has ever brought me breakfast after. That good, huh?” she teased. Zoey was more than happy to play along as she ran a hand through Mira’s hair.
“That great,” she assured.
“Good to know,” said Mira with a wink before turning her attention to the food.
“And what about me?” asked Zoey. Mira did her best to shrug nonchalantly.
“I’m not complaining.” She laughed when Zoey’s jaw dropped in indignation.
“Oh really, you always scream someone’s name like that then?” Mira’s jaw dropped right back and Zoey smiled smugly at her reaction.
“That’s what I thought,” she practically sang before popping a morsel of food in her mouth. Mira sat down beside her on a stool and sighed happily.
“Okay yes, last night was amazing and so is this. It’s nice not having to sneak someone out after.” Zoey guffawed.
“That’s some walk of shame.”
“Well, the last time I was with someone, I was still living at my parents’ house so, you know.”
“Actually, I never had to do that. I would just tell my mom we were having a sleepover,” she said with a wink. Mira tossed her head back in laughter.
“And that actually worked?”
“Yes…well…until she found out that I was bisexual. The door was to remain open at all times after that but I think she knew she had already lost that battle.”
“And she was cool with it? When you told her you liked girls?”
“Yeah, but I knew she would be. My family has a lot of issues. My parents are divorced and they tried to make me choose one of them over the other when everything went to hell but being homophobic isn’t on our list of flaws as a family.”
“The list is quite long with mine. Everything’s about appearances and nothing was ever real with them, including their love for me, so I left. It took me a while though. I think a part of me wanted to try to be a version they could love but I was always the black sheep. My mother wanted a tiny version of herself but she ended up with me. After school, I tried for a little while to give her that but I quickly realized that my soul was worth more, so I moved out.”
“What did she say when you did?”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t talk to my family anymore and one of the reasons is because there wasn’t much talking in the first place. My mother can cut a person right down to the bone with just one look. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m talking about this,” said Mira as she blushed bright red and hid her face in her hair. She wasn’t one to open up, especially about her family, but it was like Zoey had pulled it out of her. Zoey shook her head and gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
“Hey, why are you apologizing? I want to know about you, Mira. I want to know everything about you,” she assured. The sincerity in the words made tears form in Mira’s eyes. She cleared her throat and quickly wiped a tear from her cheek.
“You didn’t happen to get any tea, did you?” she asked, in desperate need of a subject change. Zoey smiled and nodded her understanding as she pointed to a cup.
That was the first of many meals they shared as a couple over the next weeks. For Mira, time seemed to past differently when she was with Zoey. She couldn’t explain it but everything was better when they were together. They would sit and talk for hours, make love for even more, and it scared her to know that she was doing just that. With Zoey, it wasn’t just about sex. She wanted to know her in every way and make love to her. Over the next three weeks, they became inseparable, opting to spend any time they could together at the loft. Zoey even made appearances from time to time at the dance studio when Mira was working, surprising Mira with special treats and picking her up for date nights. When one of Mira’s students teased her after dance class one afternoon about her live-in girlfriend, it flustered her, even though she managed to downplay the seriousness of their relationship to the dancer. It scared her how badly she wanted that to be true but she pushed down all the fears and insecurity to just feel everything they had together. Zoey made that easy. She made it easy for Mira to embrace just feeling. Everything between them was happening so fast, but Mira didn’t care. All she knew was that the world seemed right when they were together.
That was until their date night a few days later. Mira had been excited to show Zoey around the city some more and brought her to her favorite rooftop terrace on top of the old opera house her father used to take her to when she was a child. The opera house closed down when she was a teenager, leaving the terrace as a hidden gem that she escaped to as often as possible. She thought that Zoey would love it as much as she did, but as they sat together peering out at the city and sipping their banana milk, she wondered if she had been wrong. Zoey had been quiet since they arrived. Her mind seemed like it was faraway in another world and Mira scooted closer to get her attention.
“It’s okay if you don’t like it here. We don’t have to stay,” assured Mira. Zoey quickly shook her head.
“What? No! I love it. This place is beautiful, the city lights, the comfy blankets and picnic, you, it’s everything I could ever ask for.”
“Then’s what’s up? You’ve been quiet all night.” Zoey sighed and put down her drink before turning to face her. She had been looking for the words all night but none of them felt right. Nothing about it was right but she didn’t know what else to do.
“I have to leave,” she confessed. Mira frowned but nodded.
“Okay, we can meet up later and…”
“No, Mira…I’m so bad at this…Not now but…I’m going back to California,” she blurted out. The words dropped on Mira like a ton of bricks and she swallowed hard as she fought back the tears threatening to spill over. Her mind began to race with questions, some she wanted the answers to and others she didn’t. She suddenly went stoic and a tear streamed down Zoey’s cheek as she practically saw Mira’s walls go up. Mira’s guard was in place in no time at all, like it had never truly left, and she schooled her expression like her mother had always taught her.
“When?” It was the only question that really mattered after all. Zoey stared down at her lap as she whispered the words.
“Couple of days, my mom called. My grandmother isn’t doing well and I need to be there for my family.”
“Yeah, I get it. Family is important. We should head back. It’s getting late.” Before Zoey could protest, Mira was cleaning up the picnic she made them and stuffing it back in a bag. There were so many things Zoey wanted to say. She wanted to ask her to go with her, ask her to be hers forever, but the doubt crept in as she helped Mira gather their things. They had known each other for a few weeks and she had no clue what she was going back to. Her family could be a lot to handle without a crisis, let alone with the matriarch of her mother’s family on her deathbed. So, instead of saying the words that threatened to spill from her lips, she was quiet as they walked back to the loft. The silence was deafening as they entered, but Zoey refused to let the little time they had left together be spent in such a way. As soon as Mira closed the door, Zoey pressed her against it and kissed her passionately. She kissed her with all of the love and need she had within her. It made her heart ache and race as Mira kissed her with just as much fervor. Their heads were spinning from the dizzying kiss and Mira steadied herself by leaning her forehead against Zoey’s.
“I need you,” Mira whispered. Her voice was thick with emotion and it made Zoey’s heart ache even more. Zoey nodded as she tugged Mira’s jacket off.
“I need you too,” agreed Zoey. She grabbed Mira’s hand and led her up the stairs to the bedroom, deciding in that moment that if she couldn’t have her forever, she at least needed her to know how much she meant to her that night.
The next morning, Mira woke up to an empty bed. She slid her hand over the spot where she expected to find Zoey and instead found a new notebook with a note scrolled out in Zoey’s handwriting: Your work is too amazing for that small notebook.
Mira read over the words multiple times before her brain registered that it was a goodbye gift.
“Zoey?” she called through the loft. She was downstairs in an instant, realizing all signs of her girlfriend had been removed. Her stuffed turtle, notebooks, and her bag of clothes were gone.
“Zo?” whispered Mira. She sat down on the couch, knowing no one would answer. Zoey was gone and the emptiness Mira had felt for so long, the cracks and fissures that formed over years of people letting her down returned with a vengeance she’d never felt before. The voice in her head was firm and unwavering, no matter how much she wanted it to be wrong. In the end, people always left.