Chapter Text
"I have only one rule. Never. Never ever meet girl's parents."
"Except if she's hot?" Asked Ted his friend Barney.
"No, Ted, never. Not even if her mother was hot. And the same goes to you, Lils. Don't meet Marshall's parents, not even if his father's sex symbol of Minnesota," Barney exclaimed towards their friend, while they were waiting at bar for Marshall to return from his class.
"Oh, please, Barney," Lily smiled indulgently. "First of all, I already met Marshall's parents so your advice is absolutely useless. And second of all one day you will break that rule and I will remind you this conversation."
Barney gave her an ironic laugh and then started looking for his and Ted's future girls for the night.
Years later Lily was dealing with her return from San Francisco after she called of her and Marshall's wedding and Ted's parents were supposed to come meet his new girlfriend Robin.
"Barney, don't take this wrong, but why are we really here?" She asked her friend.
"Se already talked about this, Lils, I need female view on my suit."
"Yeah, but why are we at jeweler?"
"I need three new sets of cufflinks and my watch must match with them," Barney had seven different watched infront of him and was checking three boxes filled with cufflinks. "By the way did Robin tell you what's Ted wearing?"
"Barney!"
"I'll buy you necklace from here?"
She scoffed and shook her head. "We didn't talk about that-"
"Lily."
"No, really. I can tell you what she's gonna be wearing?" She offered apologically.
Now Barney scoffed and returned to his task at hand. "Silver with diamonds or emeralds?"
"Depends on your tie?"
He sighed. "Alberto! Please take these away, and bring back the ones with enamels."
"Yes, sir."
"Oh and bring us some gold necklaces for my friend, will you?"
"Of course, master Stinson," Alberto gathered boxes with gold cufflinks and walked away.
"Barney, you don't have to do that," Lily patted his hand.
"Lily, it's not a nice gesture. It's a bribe. Because you are never ever gonna talk, write, sing, draw, mention or even loudly think about this. Are we clear?" Now Barney turned to look into her eyes.
"Alright. Take the ones with Empire State building, Ted will love those."
Barney smiled. "I know that. Gonna give them to him for Christmas, but I don't want them to think I'm trying too hard. What about these ones? To match my tie? Like little fun detail?"
They left the store after an hour and with three watches, eight sets of cufflinks, two stick-pins and four sets of necklaces with earings.
"Where next, Barney?" Lily happily asked. It's always bigger fun to shop with someone.
"We're going to my tailor, I have few new suits in making there. You can get there new shawl?" Barney suggested while opening doors of taxi for her.
"New suits? Do you intend to meet Ted's parents in completely new atire?"
"Of course, Lily, after that we're going to my cobbler-"
"Cobbler?" She interrupted him with laugh.
"Yes, cobbler. What Louise-Anne's doing can't be labeled as mere shoemaking. She's an expert. Trust me."
For a while they drove in silence. Lily had realize that Barney is taking this whole visit very seriously. Ted and Robin won't be happy about that. And if they find out that she was helping him, it could create further disenchantment towards her than was her break up with Marshall. Yes, since she returned, they all agreed on being friends, but let's be honest, Marshall win their friends in the divorce.
"I don't want a shawl."
Barney looked at her with smirk and surprice. "Alright, should I drove you home?"
"No," she decided to push her luck. "I want a suit."
"Really? No. Don't get me wrong, you're gonna look great in suit, especially one by Tim Gunn, but why? It's not exactly your style."
"I know, but look, Barney. This is one of a kind opportunity for me to get one. And isn't it better for me to have one now, when I don't it. Than if I came begging you to help me pick one, let's say... Three days before I need it?"
"Lily! Good suit needs time. I have only one rule, as you know, never buy premade suit without alternations. And sufficient alternations take at least week."
"Oh, really? I thought that your only rule was to never, never ever meet your partner's parents, not even if the mother is hot or the father is sex symbol of his home state," she smirked.
"That's great rule, but absolutely irrelevant right now, the suit-"
"C'mon, Barney! You took me to this secret shopping trip. You're bribing me to silence. You're getting whole new attire. You're acting like a love-sick girl meeting parents of the man she wishes to marry."
"I'm not!"
"You do! Day trip for shopping. New haircut-"
"You noticed? How is it?"
"Great. But see? That. You're second-guessing everything you do. And you're asking about Ted. His opinion, his clothes, damn it, you even asked about his shower gel! What's going on with you?"
Barney petulantly sighed. "If you don't want to spend time with me, you could've left anytime."
"Barney-"
"And I asked about the shower gel as a joke."
"Because you already knew the answer?" Lily asked carefully.
"Of course I already know the answer!"
The car stopped in traffic jam.
"I'm having fun," Lily confessed guiltely. "You're better shopping partner than Robin. But I'm also concerned. You're normally much more calmer. More put together. Now you're acting like nervous wreck. I- Why?... What's- would you like to talk about it? Because... I'm... Confused. And I don't want you to do something you might regret. Barney, why are you trying so hard to impress Ted's parents?"
For a moment she thought he won't answer. His whole face closed off and he was intensively staring out from the window. "He's my best friend. He's also my oldest friend. I can't imagine live without him. I'm even ready to see him married off to Robin and we would still be friends. It's- Lily, I never felt that way before. Marriage was like the end of our relationship."
"Not even about Marshall and I?" She asked weakly.
"No," he shook his head. "Even before you run, I felt like there was a ticking clock and that one they you would find a house and go live to a perfect house with white picker fence with two point five children. And like yeah... I would be the fun uncle Barney, who shows up twice a year, brings gifts and... But with Ted... I wouldn't be fun uncle. I would be godfather. I would be there. Whenever I wanted. It's like, Ted wants the stability, but Robin needs freedom and that's what I can provide to them. They're not really suited for each other, but I'll bring balance. For the first time I feel like... I'm still needed. I'm not in a way. It's perfect feeling. So the Mosbys, the original ones, they have to like me. They can't have the least reason to doubt my influence on Ted, do you... Did I explain it properly?"
"I wouldn't have let you disapear," Lily squeezed his hand. " You're my friend too. And I would want your crazyness around even after the kids were born. Beside, I'm a city girl. There won't be any white fence." They both chuckled a little. "I would still like a suit."
"You can have two." He promised her.