Chapter Text
It had been years. Three long years of yearning for Jean Loo. He started out as your enemy by proxy. He was dating the person who you despised and who despised you back. You were so sure he knew everything about what had happened.
When they had broken up for the final time, you made contact for the first time face to face. It was the petting zoo the junior high did every year. You had asked him about what happened in the relationship, and he told you he knew but he was also being manipulated along with what this person had done to you a years ago.
You quickly became friends with him, bonding over the past experience of this person hurting you. But, you had also begun to feel something for him. You’d started imagining yourself with him, bonding over common interests and your identities as trans men. You were happy with being his friend. Your feelings were so deep that you thought you would never recover.
Over a year passed with being in love with him without him knowing, and you finally confessed to him. He said he felt the same, and you hadn’t started dating yet, but you were saying sweet things with each other.
Over the summer, he went to his dad’s house, while you would go to band camp and practice your instrument as much as you could. He told you that second summer that he would kiss you when he came back. Later that week, your favorite character’s birthday came.
The entire day, you had a bad feeling. Jean Loo wasn’t responding like he usually was, but when you asked he said everything was fine. You couldn’t shake this dreadful feeling. It consumed you that day, but you distracted yourself with your favorite character.
It happened the next day. He told you he had lied. He didn’t feel the same, and he probably wouldn’t ever feel that way.
“I don’t hate you, and the way I look at you isn’t going to change in any way besides probably being more platonic.”
You told him straight up how upset you were. You couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him for a while. You kept your dignity, and your feelings. A month or so later, you finally talked to him again. You tried to forget the way you felt when he told you his true feelings. You didn’t care that he didn’t feel the same, though.
Since you were a grade above him, you went to the high school a year before him. You still talked to him what seemed like everyday. You met his mom, you met his dad, you met his younger brother, and his older sister.
You were okay with being just his friend. You were happier just being in his thoughts nonetheless.
The third year came. You still had feelings, but they felt like they were dimming with time. You started to realize he would never feel the same.
Band always gave you something to look forward to. This year, you were an upperclassman that could help the sophomores. Early week would be soon, and you were excited. Marching last year was amazing when all was said and done. The way you felt strong when you would finish drill segments, the newfound skill that you would find when learning new music for marching, all of it.
Even though you didn’t get to choose your instrument because of your family telling you what to play, you took pride in your skill. You knew you weren’t the best musician, but it still made you happy to feel accomplished with your music either way.
Early week finally came. Even though you had missed it from last year, it still felt like it was hell on earth. It didn’t bother you much though, it was still something that brought you joy.
This year in particular though, it seemed everyone had suddenly gotten into a relationship. You’d been wanting Jean Loo for so long, that you’d never even thought of getting that much closer to other people.
It didn’t matter that much to you, I guess. Your section was next to the trumpets. You had a few friends in the section, so you looked over.
Then you saw him.