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These exhausting nights with a lack of sleep hung tighter in Jaehyun's chest — the glimpse in the mirror, a range of sweat falling from the boy's forehead.
He had heard Sanghyeok's voice a few times between practices, and now, having their members settled, it was the first time they had ever hung out alone without the fear of leaving their dreams behind. It was sudden — their group's name, the rooms, everything was finally at peace, and Jaehyun's thoughts turned brighter, but Sanghyeok's presence kept ripping him open at night.
"Aren't you hungry, Hyung?"
"Not much." A lie, he had noticed the boy's absence at lunch.
"I'll go for a walk, see you at the dorm."
"Can I join?"
Sanghyeok's eyes remained closed while the edges of his nose grew redder from the cold. It felt intimate, each lamp's glimpse reflecting on the boy's skin as they sat on a bench not so far from the dorm. Jaehyun felt every inch of Sanghyeok's moves, but he hadn't become brave enough to touch, to speak about how the shape of an unknown mouth had crawled inside his body.
"Aren't you scared of us living together like this? What if we end up hating each other?" Letting it out relieved Sanghyeok's voice, ringing lighter. He has always been quiet, a joke to lift the mood, but not enough to linger. However, to Jaehyun, every word burned in his stomach, the few messages they exchanged after leaving to assure he hadn't forgotten something, repeated unconsciously on his spine.
Sanghyeok's typos, those so quiet laughs almost inaudible, Sanghyeok's fangs at the glance of his teeth. It was fragile to have him this close now, their shoulder brushing after walking for a while, their small talks leading to this moment.
It can't be love, the word was strong. Jaehyun likes him for no reason at all, but everything all at once. He barely knows the other, but it keeps pushing him forward to notice more, to learn how the boy's heart beats.
"I can't say it's impossible, but even if we hate each other, it would be for a while, all that matters is communication, right?"
"I'm not good at it."
"I'm sure you'll find a way, Hyung."
"But I'm not like you- when you talk, everyone listens."
"Isn't this what you are afraid of? More than us fighting." There was a pause, not because Jaehyun doubted, but because of how tentative the distance had become between them, how easy it was for Jaehyun to shatter the weight in Sanghyeok's hands. "I think you want to be known without being seen, Hyung."
Nonetheless, he had learned it all by noticing, by waiting for Sanghyeok to talk. Beneath his shell, Jaehyun cradles the cold remaining on his palm, blooming its light in the middle of December's ashes, and it's beautiful. Even if they don't know everything about each other yet, the warmth of Jaehyun's words pushes it out of his mouth, a sweet taste remaining on his tongue.
And for the first time, Sanghyeok doesn't feel like hiding.
♡
After debuting, the shape of their relationship slowly grew through an unspoken agreement among the six; everyone got closer with time, but a certain difference was established during the lingering midnight snacks after performing.
"Isn't it weird? Being loved by so many." Jaehyun reaches first.
It's a familiar feeling, a warmth colliding beneath their bodies, creating their own home. Sanghyeok has learned to build it on winter's steps, and now that summer is close to melting both, he can't recall any of his past fears.
"It also terrified me, being loved."
"But I think it's worth a try."
The dorm is quiet but peaceful, and the other members have stayed upstairs playing FIFA. They're alone in Jaehyun's room, and it shivers through his skin — the hunger in their fingers, a beat to intertwine them together.
"How did you get past it?" There's a vivid curiosity in Jaehyun's eyes.
"After my faults became special in someone's eyes."
Their hearts stand beside Jaehyun — he holds them tightly.
Blending as they breathe, the boy's hands tremble as if they were holding the moon. Sanghyeok's teeth are sharp, sweet to touch. He had imagined this in numerous ways, but now, the embrace felt real. Jaehyun begins to draw on his mouth, remembering its trace, and the boy melts into it as their hands also sketch every vein on their necks.
Jaehyun understands it as love; the pain remains beautiful in Sanghyeok's mole, and he can't quite stop himself from kissing it. The boy's saliva plumps on his jaw, a thumb brushing it out as they clash onto their mouths again, smoother. Jaehyun tries to stop rushing every bite, "There's time," he reminds himself in the boy's tongue. He knows Sanghyeok will wait for him as he did.
"You're quiet but present through my skin, I love you without meaning to."
It consumes him whole, Sanghyeok's being.
"I don't even talk much, and you take me anyway."
"But you do, and it's sincere enough for me to cover my worries in your arms."
There's poetry in a fresh blooming love, flower-shaped by the redness in Sanghyeok's cheeks. It's so tender to be loved like this.