Chapter Text
Author’s Note, the first: Just a quick word on how this fic will work. This fic is both a Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel fic, so I shall be swapping the series every chapter (this one is the Hazbin Pilot, next is the Helluva Pilot, etc, etc) and both stories will be interconnected in some ways for the sake of ease. Also, I have written this outline before season 2 of Hazbin has come out, so none of that or future Hazbin material will be canon. Helluva Boss may be different depending on how Season 3 goes, as I will probably not be even halfway through Season 1 of Helluva by the time Season 3 comes out, and it may work for my fic. One final thing: I have planned this fic to the best of my abilities, and I hope you enjoy it.
“At the end of the rainbow, there’s happiness,” Charlie’s voice comes out of the darkness as she stands looking over the balcony of her hotel at her city in flames from the latest exorcism. “And to find it, how often I’ve tried.”
“But, my life, is a race—just a wild goose chase. And, my dreams, have all been denied,” Charlie looks up as she sees the last of the angels flying into the portal to heaven before it closes.
“Why have I always been a failure? What can the reason be? I wonder if the world's to blame.” The eyes of hell slowly twist and stare at Charlie as she sings on the balcony. “I wonder if it could be me.”
Charlie leans down as she stares at the monumental carnage on the streets below her hotel. Countless bodies line the streets, all pierced by those damm angelic spears. “I'm always chasing rainbows. Watching clouds drifting by. My schemes are just like all my dreams. Ending in the sky.” Charlie raises a finger and releases a loud firework as the sinners of hell start to crawl out of their holes and crevices where they have sought shelter for the last hour.
“Some fellows look and find the sunshine.” A handful of demons exit from a nearby building and immediately start drawing long puffs of smoke.
“I always look and find the rain.” Several miles away, Zestial, Carmilla, Carmine, and Zeezi all leave Malphas’s mansion, handing him a handful of golden coins as they leave, causing him to smile, and the Goetia goes back inside to count his coins.
“Some fellows make a winning sometimes.” In Vee Tower, Velvette leans over and takes a selfie with Vox while Valentino checks his phone and sees if Angel Dust has gotten the money from the nearby gang who paid for extermination protection yet.
“I never even make a gain. Believe me,” Rosie smiles from the top of her shop as she stares down at the corpse of one of her dead subjects who got behind on one too many payments, as the rest of her cannibals start devouring her, and Carmine’s assassins leave the premises.
“I'm always chasing rainbows,” An exorcist crawls backward away from a large demonic form before shrieking in pain as a dark tendril drags her back into the abyss, as a golden-stained tongue licks its golden teeth.
Charlie looks down as tears roll down her face, “Waiting to find a little bluebird... in vain.” In the distance, a giant clock tower's bells strike together, signaling 365 days till the next extermination.
A newly arrived sinner screams in horror as he falls from the sky, only to pat himself several times as he smiles brightly, “Huh? I’m alive? I’M ALIVE! YEA-”
His screams of joy are cut off by a car slamming into him, splattering his body all across the front of the car and the road ahead of it.
A tall, pure white spider creature gets out of the car as the voice of Travis, Valentino’s producer, comes from inside, “Ha, thanks for the fun time.”
Angel glances at himself in the broken rearview mirror and fixes his hair as he says, “Yeah, yeah, listen. Keep this discreet, you hear me? I can't let it get out, I'm offerin' my services to randos on the street! It was a quick cash grab,” Angel glances at Travis inside the van and does finger guns with 3 of his arms at him. “Ya got it?”
Travis laughs and says, “Whatever you say SLUT! HAHAHA!”
Angel puts his hand on his heart in mock shock, “Ouch! Ooh! Such an insult! Let me know when you've come up with something creative to call me,” Angel points at Travis as his ears droop. “You sack of poorly packaged horse shit! Tell the missus I said hi,” Angel kisses Travis on the lips and says, “Shnuckums!” before laughing his ass off as Travis drives away, swearing.
Angel glances around and his eyes widen as he sees a drug kiosk at which he promptly inserts a single copper coin as a bag of angel dust falls out, “Ooh,” Angel says, but before he can open the bag, a sinner covered in feathers grabs the bag and runs off.
“HEY, GET BACK HERE!” Angel yells.
“HA UP YOURS DRAG SHOW!” The feathered sinner is interrupted as a giant piece of rubble falls on him and splatters him all across the ground.
“NO!” Angel screams, rushing over and leaning down. “MY DRUGS! DAMNIT!”
Angel glances up to see what caused the rubble, only to see a giant floating airship moving across the sky.
A hiss of diabolical laughter fills the air as a 6-foot snake slithers inside the airship, gripping the controls while surrounded by a pile of sentient eggs, “ Those other cowardly ssssinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision! The power of my machines are unmatched! No other demon can compare to the likesss of I!”
“Gee! That was pretty swell, boss!” One of the egg boys says, eliciting a smile from Sir Pentious that quickly fades as another grabs his tail and says, “Yeah!”
A third egg boy hops up on the table, grabbing Sir Pentious’s shoulder and says, “You really showed them what for! I liked it when you shot them with your ray gun!” Before getting slapped away by Sir Pentious against a wall
Meanwhile, one of the egg boys in the back of the ship sighs and says, “I wish he'd shoot me with his ray gun,” as he gets a sympathetic pat on the back from another egg boy.
Sir Pentious’s angry expression fades as he grabs onto one of his egg minions and lifts him up while covering his mouth, saying, “At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of The Pentagram by day's end! And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!” At the final words, he squeezes the egg boy, causing cracks to form around his shell before being forced to let go as a champagne cork slams into his face, as his egg minions celebrate.
Sir Pentious smiles at the celebration as he rears back and says, “Hell will be mine! And everybody will know the name of Sir-”
“EDGELORD!”
Sir Pentious’s eyes narrow as he quickly glances around the room, “PARDON! WHO SAID THAT?!” Sir Pentious’s eyes find the culprit as he zooms towards the egg, who said that he wished he had shot him with the ray gun. “What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?! Speak up!”
The eggs slowly start shaking as Sir Pentious zooms towards them, and they squeak out, “That wasn’t us, Mr. Bossman.”
Before Sir Pentious can yell at them anymore, the glass shatters, and a small ball rolls in between Sir Pentious and his eggs.
Sir Pentious’s eyes widen as he notices a simple fact about the ball.
It’s a bomb.
As it explodes and shatters the two egg boys nearby, and causes Sir Pentious to start coughing as the smoke and shards of metal fill his lungs.
“You lookin' for a fight, old man?!” A bombastic young voice says as Sir Pentious looks up, the shard of metal slowly being forced out of his body by his sinnerly healing factor, and sees a woman tossing a bomb between her two hands.
“Why don't you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it?!” Cherri Bomb says as she smiles evilly down at the snake man. A loud crash fills the air as a part of the air filtration system falls from the ceiling and crushes one of the egg boys. “More.”
“YOU WANNA GO, MISSY, WELL I’M HAPPY TO OBLIGE!” Sir Pentious says as his nearby egg boys grab weapons and start preparing to attack Cherri Bomb.
A tall man in a strawberry pimp outfit strolls down the road before his attention is caught by a nearby TV, “Such a waste of technology.” The man thinks to himself as the news logo plays.
“Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy,” The female news anchor says.
“And I'm Tom Trench!” The male news anchor says as he leans down and continues. “Chaos out at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side! Between notable kingpin, Sir Pentious, and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb!”
“That's right, Tom!” Katie says with a smile as images switch to the fight between Cherri and Sir Pentious. “After the recent Extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!”
“Those two seem to be really going at it, huh?” Tom says as Cherri Bomb breaks open one of Sir Pentious’s eggs and uses it as a container for a bomb, she then chucks it at Sir Pentious.
“Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!” Katie says as she takes out a tooth and nail from her pocket, and she swallows them.
“And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot!” Tom says, causing a glare from Katie as she says, “Haha, you are a limp-dick jackass, Tom! Or should I say” Katie pours her cup of coffee on Tom, causing him to kneel over in pain. “No dick?”
“Not again,” Tom mutters as Katie continues with a new image coming up on the screen, “Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho, who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more, after the break!”
Before it cuts to commercial, Katie quickly turns to Tom and says, “Suck it up, you little bitch!”
“Intriguing,” the man watching the broadcast says as he disappears into the shadows.
Vaggie sighs as she adjusts Charlie’s bowtie, “Okay! You remember what to say?”
Charlie inhales softly as she smiles and says happily, “Yes! Let's do this!”
Vaggie grabs Charlie and says, “Just look at me and I'll mouth it to you,” causing Charlie to deflate a little before groaning and saying, “Come on, Vaggie!”
Charlie turns and walks away from Vaggie towards a nearby desk covered in cream donuts, don’t ask what type of cream since Razzle and Dazzle aren’t, and they seem to be enjoying it. “I know what to say! I just feel like we need to...I don't know, make things sound more exciting!” Charlie’s eyes widen in excitement as she gasps and slides towards Vaggie and says, “Hooo! What if I si-”
“Sing a song about it?” Vaggie says, exasperated.
“You knew I was gonna say that!” Charlie chirps as she boops Vaggie on the nose, causing Vaggie’s expression to lighten.
“Because I know you.” Vaggie’s face goes serious again as she refixes Charlie’s bowtie. “But, please don't sing! This is serious!”
Charlie ignores Vaggie as she gets up onto a nearby table like it’s a stage and says, “Well, you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song!”
Vaggie sighs as she drags Charlie down and says, “But, life isn't a musical, hon.”
Charlie sighs slightly before regaining the pep in her step and saying, “Fine. But, I have these other ideas of what to say!” Charlie hands Vaggie a sheet of paper as she starts bouncing up and down, waiting for her to read it. “The highlighted bits are the best part!”
Vaggie squints as she reads the paper and says, “Uh-huh, it's all highlighted. Is this a drawing...?”
“Yes! That's the happy ending, see?!” Charlie says as she begins to fantasize, her eyes glowing softly. “Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!”
Vaggie sighs exasperatedly for the 1000th time that day and pinches her nose for the 458th time that day as she says, “I don't think it's that simple. Just please follow the talking points we went over.” Vaggie grabs Charlie, who is still staring off into space, and makes her listen as she says, “And do not sing!”
“Okay fineee,” Charlie says as she walks towards Katie Killjoy and the front desk, “I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills!”
Vaggie facepalms in the background as Charlie walks up to Katie Killjoy and extends a hand, “Hiii! I'm Charlie.”
Katie blows out a puff of smoke as she says, “Katie Killjoy. I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but that would be a lie.” She flicks her cigarette in Charlie’s face as she continues gesturing to Charlie’s hand, “And you can put that away. I don't touch the gays. I have standards.”
Charlie’s eyes flicker to red for a fraction of a moment before she says softly, “Yeah? How's uh... how's that working out for ya?”
Katie’s eyes narrow as she says, “Look, my time is money. So, I'll keep this short. You're not here because we wanted you here. You're here because Jeffrey couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking segment.”
Charlie’s eyes narrow as Katie continues, “You might be some royal big shot, but that doesn't mean shit to me. I'm too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon.” She does air quotes at the next word before continuing, leaning over Charlie as Charlie glances at Tom, who shakes his head in a “this bitch is gonna get us in trouble” type manner, "princess wants to advertise.”
“But,” Charlie starts before being interrupted by Katie, saying, “So, don't get cute with me, honey, or I will fucking bury you!”
Before Charlie can say a word, the producer says, “And we’re live,” in the background.
Katie flies back to her desk, her neck twisting like that of a broken crane, “Welcome back! So, Charlotte!”
Charlie closes her eyes as she says in an exasperated tone, “It’s Charlie, actually.”
“Whatever,” Katie says, causing Tom to sigh again as Katie continues in an angry tone, “Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about!”
Charlie starts speaking in a formal tone as a shadowy form appears in the back of the studio to watch, “Well, as most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everyone around me.”
Charlie glances around at the people watching as Katie stabs a nearby bug with her pen, causing a splatter of blood to fly onto Charlie’s face, which a quick burst of flame quickly burns off from her cheek.
“Hell is my home, and you are my people. We…” Charlie pauses as a small wave of sadness causes her to stutter. “We just went through another Extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given a chance!”
Charlie slams her fist on her desk, causing many of the people who had started to lose interest to start paying attention as Charlie walks towards them, “I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell?”
Eyes widen around the crowd as they glance at each other as Charlie walks around the audience, the cameras following her, “Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption? Well, I think yes! So, that's what this project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!”
Charlie glances around the audience as she notices that not a single person is reacting positively to her idea, and it’s all just empty stares, causing her confidence to wane slightly, “Y'know? 'Cause hotels are for people passin' through, I think it'll serve a purpose... a place to work toward redemption.”
Several miles away in a bar, a group of demons stares at the screen as Zeezi, Carmilla, and Zestial all walk in, “Ahahaha! Is this girl for real?! She thinks- You hear what she thinks?! She thi- HAHA! Ah, she's nuts.”
The three overlords glance at each other as their attention turns back to the screen, which suddenly shakes like the cameraman has been knocked out.
Charlie sighs as she looks around at her audience and then at the camera, “Look, every single one of you has something good, deep down inside. I know you do! ...Maybe I'm not getting through to you.”
Vaggie facepalms and says, “Oh no,” while the Razzle and Dazzle glance over from their eating of donuts and quickly fly over as a piano spawns in front of them, causing Tom and Katie to glance at each other.
In the crowd, a man twists his head as his shadow smiles insanely, “I have a dream, I'm here to tell! About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel!” Charlie waves her hand, causing an image of her hotel to appear behind her.
“Yes, it's one-of-a-kind! Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientele,” Charlie continues as Razzle and Dazzle provide backup vocals.
“Inside of every demon is a rainbow! Inside every sinner is a shiny smile,” Charlie sings as she slides around the crowd, hugging a nearby Goetia before sliding under a Hellhound's tail.
“Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child!” Charlie waves her hand and spawns a cupcake and hands it to a nearby serial killer, who looks down confused before she teleports back to Katie and Tom, who look around bewildered.
“ We can turn them 'round! They'll be Heaven-bound! With just a little time, down at the Happy Hotel!” Charlie sings as Vaggie facepalms in the background.
“So, all you junkies, freaks, and weirdos. Creepers fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes, and down-fallen superheroes, help is here! All of you cretins, sluts, and losers, sexual deviants and boozers, and prescription drug abusers, need not fear! Forever again we'll cure your sin! We'll make you well. You'll feel so swell! Right here in Hell, at the Happy Hotel!” Charlie randomly teleports around Hell as she sings, dragging the camera along with her as she does a variety of what she views as helpful activities around hell before reappearing on the desk of Katie and Tom.
“There'll be no more fire,” with a simple wave of her hand, a wave of fire licks the edges of the audience seating, “And no more screams.” The screams of bloody murder fill the background.
Charlie raises her hands as a puppy, and cotton candy spawns in her hands as she slowly levitates on a cloud. “Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams, and puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like 'Wow!" Once you check in with meee!” She quickly teleports around the audience, handing out fliers.
Charlie glances at Vaggie, who quickly gives her a thumbs up before facepalming once her back is turned.
“So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions, and ancient Roman crucifixions end right here!” As Charlie runs through hell, dragging the camera along with her, she grabs every sinful object she can find before tossing them all off a cliff, causing the demons to run after her in horror, but are unable to catch her before she teleports away.
“All you monsters, thieves, and crazies.” As Charlie travels, she fails to notice the eyeballs around hell all staring at her as she passes with a subtle interest. “Cannibals, and crying babies, frothing mouths that's full of rabies filled with cheer!” As she teleports next to a Hellhound with a frothing mouth, she quickly absorbs the sickness from the Hellhound before quickly curing it in herself before moving on.
“You'll be complete! It'll be so neat! Our service can't be beat! You'll be on Easy Street, yes!” Charlie turns into her full demon form as eyes continue to watch her as the flames form around her in an exotic dress. “Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel! Yeah!” Charlie holds her arms out for applause as she stands slightly panting.
The crowd stands in silence for a few seconds before a demon who is literally just a tophat says, “Wow… That was shit!”
The entire crowd starts laughing and jeering as Charlie’s confidence slowly fades, and her anger starts to grow slightly, causing the TV screen behind her starts to flicker.
“What,” Katie starts after she stops laughing, “in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person?! You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good?! Just... because?!”
“Well, we have a patron already,” Charlie says, causing some of the audience to stop laughing and stare at her incredulously. “He believes in our cause, and he's shown incredible progress!”
Katie rolls her eyes as she leans towards Charlie and says in mock shock, “Oh? And who might that be?”
Charlie’s smile turns smug as she brushes some dirt off her nails, “Oh, just someone named. Angel Dust.”
“The porn star?” Tom says, causing a glare from Katie.
“You fucking would, Tom.” Tom slowly leans back uncomfortably while Katie continues. “In any case, that's not even an accomplishment. I'm sure you could get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube.”
“Oh, I beg to differ!” Charlie says as her visage lords over Katie. “He's been behaving,” Charlie raises one finger as explosions take place on the other side of the city.
“Clean,” Charlie raises another finger as a news chopper closes in on the location of the explosions.
“And out of trouble for two weeks now!”
“BREAKING NEWS!” A newscaster says off-screen as the TV behind Charlie flickers to show a spider demon fighting a bunch of eggs.
“Well, it seems that a new player has entered the turf war raging in the weapons district! And it seems it’s none other than famous Porn Star Angel Dust!” Katie says, slowly turning her head towards Charlie, who is busy staring at the screen. “You must be feeling really stupid right about now, huh, Princess?”
Charlie’s eyes slowly turn towards Katie as they turn blood red, and she raises her arm and sends an inferno at Katie, cooking her alive before getting up and calling to Vaggie, “Come on, let’s go pick up the idiot.”
“Hey, you can’t do that, it’ll take her hours to regenerate!” The showrunner says running towards Charlie only to have his face crushed by a single punch as Vaggie, Razzle, and Dazzle follow Charlie to the limo.
“Heyyy, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Cherri Bomb says as she swivels a missile launcher at a crowd of egg boys.
Angel Dust laughs as he tosses a grenade behind his head. “You kiddin'? This is the best action I've seen in ages!”
“Where've you been, anyway?” Cherri asks, as Angel hands her another grenade. “I thought you up and died or some shit.”
“Oh, I wish! I've been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town.” Angel says as Charri ducks down with him in the ditch. “Some broads are lettin' me stay rent-free if I play nice.”
The two smile at each other as they both get up and start destroying the egg boys with a hail of machine gun fire and grenades. “Y'know, no fights, no pranks, no 'problematic language'... Her words, not mine.”
Angel steps on a nearby pile of rubble, causing an egg boy to fly into the air and for its innards to splash all over the street. “These crazy bitches are no fun! I've been clean for two weeks!”
“Holy shit,” Cherri says in disbelief.
“Well, mostly clean,” Angel says, laughing as he cleans off some of the yoke that got on him before smashing a nearby egg boy with a giant mallet, “Just clean as you can get from a shitload of Bolivian marching powder!”
Angel laughs for a second before being yanked across the ground by a giant chain and slammed into the wall by Sir Pentious, “Ooh, harder, Daddy!” Angel says with a sly expression.
Sir Pentious gasps as he says, “Son?!”
Angel twists his head slightly as his face turns into a “You’re fucking with me, right?” expression before Cherri quickly side-kicks Sir Pentious into a nearby wall.
Sir Pentious’s hood flares open as he quickly slithers up in a threatening manner as, growling, “You whores have no class! In war, the side remembered is the side with the most style!”
Sir Pentious proudly adjusts his tie as a loud crack fills the air, as the yoke of an egg boy falls to the ground as Cherri stands triumphantly over a horde of broken shells, “Or the side that ain’t dead.”
“Speakin' a style,” Angel shakes off the chains as he stares at Sir Pentious. “Is your hat like, alive or something?”
“Oh! Well,” Sir Pentious says, glaring down at them as Sir Pentious angrily says, “That's none of your GODDAMN BUSINESS! Now, is it?”
“Hah, would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?” Angel and Cherri laugh at Sir Pentious’s expense as he slowly gets angry at the two.
“Oooh snap!” one of the egg boys says as Sir Pentious throws it at the two.
The two duck out of the way as Sir Pentious rushes towards them and yells, “I’m gonna blow you to bits!” as an egg boy sneaks up behind them with what looks like a rocket launcher.
“Ooh, Kinky!” Angel says.
“NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERT!” Sir Pentious says as he throws his chain forward, separating the two as four tentacles launch out, and all of Angel’s arms are restrained.
“HA! Not so cocky now, are you?!” Sir Pentious says as he stands in front of Angel.
“Y'know, you really gotta watch what comes outta ya mouth. I've been making these sex jokes the whole TIME!” Angel yells the last word as Sir Pentious uses a drill on his tail to try to stab Angel, only for him to dodge it, making it only hit his arm.
Angel growls slightly as he pops one of his arms back into his body and two more out of it, armed with a Tommy gun, “I mean it’s just SAD!” Angel’s gun lets out a hail of bullets that force Sir Pentious to dive for cover as a few of them hit him.
“So, think you’re gonna get in a lotta trouble for this?” Cherri Bomb asks as she chucks a few grenades at Sir Pentious’s cover.
“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?”
“ANGEL!” A scream comes out of the ether as a limo comes screeching to a halt in front of the three combatants.
Charlie storms out of the car, her horns on full display as her hair hovers around her, “Get in the goddamn fucking car!”
“Charlie!” Angel says, wincing slightly as he spreads his arms. “How’s my favorite hotelier doing?”
“NOW!” Charlie screams as rings of hellfire form around her.
“... Princess Morningstar,” Sir Pentious says as her eyes quickly turn towards him. “Might I ask why you are here?”
“For reasons that you don’t need to know,” Charlie says, slipping back into a more formal tone before she looks back at Angel, who is still standing next to Cherry Bomb. “Limo now.”
“You didn’t mention the broad was the fucking Princess of Hell, Angie!” Cherry Bomb whispers.
“Who?” Angel asks.
“... I love ya, Angie, but you really need to start paying attention to politics.” Cherry Bomb says as she slowly steps back, as Charlie grabs Angel and throws him into the car before walking back towards the Limo.
“Princess Morningstar,” Sir Pentious says as Charlie's eyes lock onto him. “I am curious if I could have an audience with you about-”
“I care not for your war weapons,” Charlie says, still in her formal mode. “If you want to discuss it with someone who cares, speak to Eligos or my uncle; they care far more about such things than me.”
“Of course, your highness,” Sir Pentious and Cherry Bomb bow as she gets back into the car, and they drive away.
Sir Pentious and Cherry Bomb look at each other for a few seconds and then promptly get back into the heat of the fight.
“Ugh, I haven’t had to use my regal tone in a decade,” Charlie mumbles as Vaggie turns to Angel.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!” Vaggie yells at Angel. “Do you have any idea how much your stunt just cost us!”
“A couple Bronzes,” Angel laughs as Vaggie grabs her spear and mutters, “I’m gonna tear his throat out.”
“That wasn’t very nice, Angel,” Charlie says.
“NOT NICE!” Vaggie says incredulously to Charlie. “That meeting took us a year to book without using any connections,” Vaggie turns to Angel, pointing her spear at him, “and you just fucking blew it on live TV!”
“No, no, I didn’t blow it,” Angel says. “You all did that yourself with this redemption bullshit. I just made you look sad and pathetic. Like an orphan with no arms or legs…” Angel looks down and snaps his fingers as he continues, “Damn, now I’m a bit bummed out this thing got any liquor.”
“Liquor? WE ARE HERE TO DISCOURAGE SIN, NOT GIVE IT OUT!” Vaggie yells.
“Didn’t Jesus drink a shit ton?” Angel says as he scrounges through the car. “You’re telling me that God’s kid used his power to sin. HA!”
“I swear I’m gonna kill him,” Vaggie says as she leans back in the chair.
“Too late for that, Pocha,” Angel laughs. “What would even happen if you killed me? Would I become double dead? Where exactly would I go? To double hell?! HA! Sorry to say, but you're stuck with little Miss Taco.”
Vaggie’s eyes turn bright red as she mumbles, “Voy a arrancarte el maldito corazón!”
“E ti darò da mangiare il tuo, maledetto messicano!” Angel Dust says in return before returning to English. “Besides, who gives a shit if a few hundred lackeys die, especially after an extermination day.”
“I do,” Charlie says simply, causing both of them to look at her.
“Oh right, I forgot our princess has finally descended from her high castle to try to save us lowly mortals,” Angel says sarcastically. “Please, lady, no one gives a shit down here about redemption. We all know we’ll be exorcised one day, we just have to live with it.”
“But you don’t have to,” Charlie says as Angel rolls his eyes and both of them miss a flicker of guilt in Vaggie’s eye. “We can get you out of here without having to go through that if you just let me help you.”
Angel looks up and down at Charlie before saying in a softer tone, “You know when you say it like that,” Angel switches to a more deadpan tone. “You sound very fucking preachy.”
“I feel I’ve earned the right to be a bit preachy,” Charlie says as they pull up to the hotel. “After hearing my people suffer and die for millennia.”
Angel simply rolls his eyes as he opens the door and walks out to the hotel, as Charlie sighs and looks at Vaggie, “So long as we got one sinner, it will be a good day.”
Yet as they enter the hotel, Charlie’s optimism fades away as the only signs of life are some cockroaches that quickly scurry across the floor and hide in the rafters and holes in the walls. The banners she had Razzle and Dazzle set up over the check-in remain untouched as she looks down to avoid the gaze of Vaggie who moves to sit on the couch in the lobby.
Angel, meanwhile, walks right past the two of them to the decrepit old fridge and pulls out a box of popsicles before turning to Charlie and laughing, “Eh, it's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here!” but Angel’s laugh slowly dies down as he sees Charlie’s eyes swelling with tears. He starts to walk over to comfort her, but he quickly decides against it and simply walks to sit in the lounge with Vaggie.
Razzle and Dazzle nuzzle Charlie’s hand but are quickly waved away as Charlie goes outside and lets her tears roll down her face as she takes out her phone and calls the second name down the list.
“Hey, Mom. I know I keep calling, and you must be busy… for the last seven years... But, um, the interview didn't go well,” Charlie sits on the ground as she curls into her knees, “And... I don't know if I'm ever going to make a difference. I don't know what I'm doing.” She wipes the tears from her eyes as she looks to the ground. “I could really use some advice, Mom. I... I think Dad was right about me... Ahah, oof. Eh, anyway... I'll stop talking before this gets long. Love you, bye.”
Charlie wipes the tears from her eyes one last time as she stands up and walks inside before punching the wall, as tears of sorrow and anger swell.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.
Charlie’s head swivels towards the door as a smile lights up her face, as she quickly wipes away her tears and opens the door to greet the new guest.
A tall man with a red pinstripe suit and cutaway cloak holding a microphone cane smiles with wide eyes as he sees his knock has been answered, “He-”
His response is cut off as Charlie quickly slams the door in his face before blinking as she thinks to herself, “No, that can’t be him,” as she opens the door again.
“Llo.”
The door slams once again as Charlie starts to hyperventilate, calling out, “Hey Vaggie!”
“What?” Vaggie says, rubbing her eyes, thinking about how to best murder Angel while Charlie comes around the corner looking incredibly nervous.
“The Radio Demon is at the door,” Charlie says, as she glances between the door and Vaggie.
“WHAT!” Vaggie yells as her frustration at Angel is immediately forgotten as she quickly looks around for her spear.
“Uh, who?” Angel asks, causing Vaggie to look at him incredulously.
“What the fuck do I do?” Charlie says, as she continues to hyperventilate.
“Whatever you do, don’t let him in!” Vaggie says as she runs to the other room where her spear is.
Charlie glances back at the door, her mind going a mile a minute before she makes a decision.
“May I speak now?” The Radio Demon asks as the door opens for a third time.
“You may,” Charlie says as she eyes him suspiciously.
“Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart,” Alastor says as he shakes Charlie’s hand and lets himself in, “Quite the pleasure. Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on the picture show and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance!” Alastor raises his arms in triumph as Charlie watches him with increased confusion. “Why, I haven’t been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Ah, so many orphans.”
“Stop right there! Tienes que estar jodiéndome,” Vaggie yells as she quickly jumps in between Alastor and the rest of the hotel, her spear drawn though shaking slightly, “I know your game and I won’t let you hurt anyone here, you cheesy pompous talkshow shitlord!”
Alastor chuckles slightly, as with a wave of his hand, the spear vanishes into the shadows, “Dear if I wanted to kill anyone here…
☠ I̷̡̗̲̟̻̫̔͂͑͐ ̷̨̧̬̟̳̟̯͖̟̭̰̥̯͙͛͗͐̈́͑͐̅̋͋̈́̌̕͝͝͝ͅw̶͙̖͐̐̑̀̂͂̏̓̌͌͠͝͠o̵̦̞͙̲̦̫̥̗͎̹̺͊͑̇u̴̡̩͙̯̹̜̠̝̠͎̲͛͋̓͜͜l̶͎̳͈͕̣̼̘̺͖̝̜̜̉́͐̃̆̈̓́͜͝d̴̨̛͇̾̑͝ ̷͕̫̼̞͔͙̪̹͖̻̬̯̄͆̒̒͛̓͘h̴̯̺̰͑̈̀̂͆̍̄̈́̉͛̚͘̕a̴͕͙̼͇̖͌̋͋̅͋̔̏̈́̕͝v̶̨̛̈́̀͋̆̏͆̒̐͋̀̒͘é̵̡͉̱̼̘̠̜̥̝͉̗̩̞̤̉̈͛͆̾̊͋̍̾̿͆̓͘͠ ̸̧̣͑͌̈͐͛͘̚͠ͅd̴̡̳̾̋͆̀̈̐̈͑̒͠͝ò̶͔͓̏̒̆̈́ń̷͕̳̩͍̫̼͇̻̾͜ͅe̶̞̤̋͒́̉̈́̄͐͘͝ ̶̡͉̻̯̟̩͎̐̋̄̈͝š̴̡͕̞̥̹̞̘̑̐̑́̑͑̈̕o̸̧̳͈̘͔̪͈̠̟̣̜̦̱̓́͐̎̓̔̔̒͊̓̀̑͒ͅ ̴̘̖̖͕͔̩̻͔̝͇̮̆̋̀̃̂̍͂́͘ͅą̷̢͈͍̘̖̭̭̮̟̦̄̒̇͗̓̂̑͂͐̃̀̑̚͜͝l̸͖̺̜͚̭̯̝̹̳̹̈͐̎̌̎͜ͅr̶̢̢̛͎͇̣̩̹̦̻͍̥̮̫͗̏̏̒́̍̅͒̽̂̆̌ę̴̬͕̳͖̝͔̞̟̟̘̱̼̺̖͛͌a̷̮͙͕͒͒̏́̈́̇̉̇͗̒͊͝d̵̟̝̜̿̈́̈́̿͆̓̌̔̅̉͘͝͠͝͝ẏ̵̧̛͚̭̭̰̺̜̖͖͓̥̟̱̿͛̇̓̒̓̄̀̕͝!̶͕̫̱͈̝͖͎̞͕͈̹̔̏̎́͊̋̉̍́̈̒̌͘ ☠
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠖⡿⠛⠑⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡠⠒⢦⠀⠀⢠⢾⠒⡤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⢄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣰⡇⠀⣤⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⡟⣯⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣯⣻⢿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠙⠶⢦⣀⢣⣴⣸⣿⠟⠁
⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣱⣾⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣯⣿⣽⣿⣿⣖⣧⣀⣾⣧⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀
⠀⢠⣿⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣹⣬⣷⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣷⠀
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⠀⣠⡿⣿⢱⡏⠈⠁⣹⣿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⢀⢲⣿
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⢰⠇⠘⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⣷⣣⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀
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Vaggie looks down at her hands, completely shocked as Alastor quickly goes back to his happy-go-lucky mood, “No, I’m here cause I want to help!”
Charlie steps in from behind Alastor towards Vaggie as she says, “Say what now?”
“Help!” Alastor laughs as he pulls out his mic, “Hello! Is this thing on? Testing, testing.”
The microphone on the end of the cane turns into an eyeball and mouth as it says in what sounds like a million souls all trying to speak from one mouth, “Well, I heard you loud and clear!”
Charlie glances between Vaggie and Alastor as she asks, “You want to help with?”
“This ridiculous thing you’re trying to do. This hotel!” Alastor says as he appears behind Charlie, leaning on both her and Vaggie’s shoulders, “I want to help you run it.”
“But… why?” Charlie asks. “You aren’t exactly known for philanthropy.”
“Why does anyone do anything?” Alastor says as his eyes narrow before widening again. “SHEER ABSOLUTE BOREDOM!”
Alastor sighs as he leans on Vaggie’s head to her increasing frustration, “I’ve lacked inspiration for decades, my work became mundane, lacking focus! Anguish!” He pushes Vaggie straight into the check-in desk. “I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!”
“Does incinerating a news anchor count as entertainment?” Charlie asks as Vaggie moves back in line with Charlie wiping debris out of her hair.
“HAHAHA it’s the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True Passion!” Alastor says as he spins around Charlie. “After all, the world is a stage and a stage is a world of entertainment.” Alastor’s smile turns dark as his eyes narrow as he looks at Charlie.
“So does this mean you think that redeeming a sinner is possible?” Charlie asks as hope fills her face.
“HA Of course not, that’s whacky nonsense,” Alastor says as the hope drains from like a popped balloon. “Redemption, oh the long-gone humanity! No, no, no, no. I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners!” Alastor gestures to Angel, who simply shrugs. “The chance given was the life they lived, the punishment is this!” Alastor raises his hands as a scale model of hell forms from the shadows before dissipating. “There is no undoing what is done.”
“So, then,” Charlie asks while Alastor glances back at her, “Why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?”
Alastor grabs Charlie’s shoulder and pulls her in close as he gestures to the unseen world, “Consider it an investment for ongoing entertainment for myself. I want to watch the scum of the world try to climb up the hill of betterment.
O̷̡̡̞̲̦͙̱̣̻̰̎̈́͊͌̍̀ņ̷̛̬̰͇̠͛͂l̵̻͉̼̱͎̖̠̓͌̉͒̆̅͐͘͝ͅy̵͈̫̟̘͓̬͆́̄͘ ̷̨̰̪̻͕̈́̕ṫ̵̡̖̳̯͕͕̊̿̾̃͆͂͘͝͝o̶̤͙͋̊̀ ̴̧̛̪̫͈̺̜̹ŗ̴̖͔̤͙̍͐̒͑̿͌̃̄é̶̹̭̤̖̯̰͖͉̻̏̉̒̏̾͠p̵̢̲͉̭̝̪̿ę̶̯̱̦̘̍ą̵̠̥̞̒̽͛̈́̌̑̋̐t̶͕͙̃͆̄͑̈́̀̈́͠ě̷̡̧̳̳͛̔̀͜d̶̡̥̥̣̣͇̜̙͐̂̾̽l̶͈̂͒͋̓ẏ̵̛̹͈̘̞̻̯̀̊̋̒͛̚ ̷̖̞̲͙̯͓͒ṭ̵̯̗͇͚͈̘̾͛͌ŗ̸̧̢̜͖̖̃̂̊͊̈́̏͛̾͛̕i̴̢̬̯̺̤̪̓̄͂͑̔̿̊̔͝͝p̵̡̢̝͍̱̣͔̜̣͖̋̏ ̸͔̝̟̘͕͓̘̼̭̍̈́͝â̸͓̠͔̙̑̓͑n̴̛̦͔̹̣̲̗̿͊͒̀́̚ḑ̶̡̛͕͕͎̦͕̙̞̜̎̌͛͗̑͊͆̕ ̸̯͙̤̫̦̼̀̐̌̊͗t̴̢̡͓̱͚̜̞͓̫̓̑́̒̿́̈́͝ú̸͔̟̱̟̘̝̽͂͝m̶̢̹̫͖̻̖̤͒͜b̶̢͖͓̯͖̰͎͖̋̔̾͂l̷̩̳͐̉͌e̴̡̗̤̖̝̮͓̭̅̇͜ ̴̛͔̭̫͓́̀͂͆̿͌̽͑̕d̵̨̨̩̯̮͔̣̰̑̒̐̏͗͗̾̚͝ŏ̵͙͍͓̻̩̻͔͊̂̇̂̀͛̈ͅẅ̴̱̝̩́ň̵̼ ̴̦̻͝i̶̡̠̦̣̙̗̼͂̀n̶̖̜͎̄̃̑̃̚͠͝ͅţ̵̱̟͚̩͂͗͋̃̄̚͠͠o̵̪͔̩̻͑̓̏̆̌̿̑̚ ̴̛̳̪͙͚̖̿̏̀̎̇̚͝͠t̴̡̢̡̬̰̙͚͔̔͆̄͆̐̈́͆̑h̶͓̻̼͈͗̓̽͒́̌̽̕͜ĕ̵̡̧̻͎̣̝̝̿͋̀̊̾̉́̎̾͜ ̶̧̟͉̌͑f̴̧̧̖̰͔͝ḯ̵̛̼̟̼̮̝̲̃̇e̶̘͐͊̈́̽r̴̨̡͕̬̘͕̼̈́̄̓͑͗̄̇̐̊͜͝y̸̨͍̯͚̣͆̽̏̑́͐͘͠ ̸̢̘͉͙̘̉͆ͅp̶̭̙̙̱̂̽̍̋͗̏͝ȋ̶̛͈̖̜̣͈̍͜͠t̶̹̰̓̃̍͑̚ ̵̤͈̞͕̰͚͒̆̈́̃́ȍ̷͓͚̟͓̹̣̘̻̈̀̽͂̈́͆̈́̎̕f̷̢̨̛̹̺̬͓̲̺̀̏̀̃ ̵͔͚͓̠̥͋f̴̨͓̮̣̗͇̹͛̏̕͜a̸͈̠̣͗̒̔̏̌̈́͘͠͝͝i̵͚̱͖̬̙̪̭̗̮̕l̸̡̞̝͙̩͍̇́̍̐͜ư̶̡̹͓̥̿̄r̷̛͉͓͕͖̅̆̓̂̿̐̐͠é̴̡̘̞͚̯͕͇̈́.̴̨̢̟͖͇̣̘̂”
“... Right,” Charlie says as she moves Alastor’s arm off her, and she glances at Vaggie.
“Yes indeedy!” Alastor says as he drags Charlie to a more private spot to discuss their business opportunities. “I see big things coming your way, and who better to help you than I?”
“... So what’s the deal with smiles over there?” Angel asks as he turns to Vaggie.
“You don’t know? You’ve been here since his heyday,” Vaggie says in confusion.
Angel simply looks at Vaggie, confused.
“The radio demon? One of the most powerful beings in all of creation?” Vaggie asks with increasing incredulity.
“Eh, never been big on politics,” Angel says.
“Ugh,” Vaggie groans before she starts to tell the tale. “Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. Harnessing power no being has ever shown before, he managed to kill them all without a drop of Angelic steel. Then he would broadcast their screams throughout all of the pride, ring out of nothing more than the love of the game. Sinners started calling him the Radio Demon, as lazy as that is. Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure: He's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up as his next broadcast!”
“Ya done,” Angel says as he laughs, gesturing to Alastor. “He looks like a strawberry pimp.”
“Well, I don’t trust him,” Vaggie says, crossing her arms.
“Well, to be fair, do you trust any man?” Angel asks as Vaggie glares at him. “Any men? Men?”
Vaggie rolls her eyes as she pulls Charlie away from Alastor, “Charlie, listen to me. You can't believe this creep! He isn't just a happy face! He's a deal-maker!” Charlie glances at Alastor, who is busy glancing around the rundown hotel and taking in as much info as he can. “Pure evil! He can't be redeemed! ...And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we're trying to do!”
“I...” Charlie sighs as she looks back at Vaggie. “We don't know that! Look, I know he's bad, and I know he probably doesn't wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance!” Charlie gestures to Alastor, who is looking at a portrait of the royal family with a slight glare. “To have faith that things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can't. It goes against everything I'm trying to do. Everything I believe in. Just... trust me. I can take care of myself!”
“Charlie, he’s the damn Radio Demon,” Vaggie says. “No one knows how he killed them, what’s to say he can’t do the same to you?”
“Please, I’m not an imp, I’m the princess of hell. Besides, if that happens, then my family will use him as target practice for the next few millennia, especially Uncle Satan, though that would sadly cause him to lose his anger management streak,” Charlie says as she waves Vaggie away and walks up to Alastor.
“Okay, so, Al,” Charlie says. “You're sketchy as fuck, and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke.”
“Entertainment, not a joke,” Alastor says simply.
Charlie glares at Alastor as she continues, “But, I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or Voodoo strings attached.”
Alastor rolls his eyes as he extends his hand and says, “It’s a deal then?” As he does this, thousands of red, black, yellow, and green eyes open in midair, surrounding the duo as Angel, Vaggie, Razzle, and Dazzle are all shoved back from the force of a simple hand offer.
“No,” Charlie says as she shoves the hand away, and all the eyes close. “No shaking or deals. I…” Charlie looks over at Vaggie as she sighs, and she turns to Alastor and says, “As princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help with this hotel.” Alastor raises his eyebrow at her as she winces as she quickly adds on, “For as long as you desire. Sound fair?”
Alastor stares at her for a solid few seconds before shrugging and saying, “Fair enough,” and walking past Charlie, inspecting the hotel.
“Cool beans,” Charlie says as she sighs slightly in relief, glancing over to Vaggie, who is busy watching Alastor with increasing suspicion and concern.
Alastor sees Vaggie staring at him, and his eyes sharpen as he grabs her chin and says, “Smile, my dear! You know you’re never fully dressed without one.” Causing Vaggie to get angry and try to hit Alastor, only to be easily restrained by his shadow as he turns to Charlie and says, “Now, where is your hotel staff?”
“You’re currently restraining her,” Charlie says simply, causing Alastor to raise an eyebrow at Vaggie and saying, “Well, you are most certainly gonna need more than that.”
Alastor walks over to Angel and continues, “And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”
“I can suck your dick,” Angel says with a smirk.
⠻⣛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢛⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣛⠿⠛⠛⠛⢛⣿⠟⠛
⠀⠈⠑⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣶⣦⡀⠉⠁⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⢠⡺⣟⢄⠀
⠀⠃⠇⠉⠓⢄⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠈⠒⠤⣠⡻⠛⠙⠻⣷⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠙⢮⣳⡑
⠀⠸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠘⣄⠉⠁⠒⢒⡟⠉⠭⠶⠶⢿⡷⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢭⠳⢖⠒⠊⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠙
⢀⠕⡻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⡈⠢⡀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣷⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠢⡗⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠙⠫⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⠢⡞⠑⡧⣤⡴⡟⠳⢦⡔⢺⠉⡿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣻⣄⠱⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢰⢫⠂⠀⠀⡠⡎⠁⠀⡇⠀⢱⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣼⠀⣧⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⢠⡇⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⣾⣏⣿⣆⠸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⢠⢢⠃⠀⢠⠊⠀⢠⠖⠀⣇⢰⡛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⡜⢃⠀⢰⠀⠀⡰⣍⢿⣿⣿⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢐⡇⠇⠀⢠⠃⠀⢀⠟⡄⠀⡏⡜⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢷⡇⢸⠀⠈⣆⡔⠃⢹⢞⡿⣿⡇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠈⠀⠀⡈⠀⠀⡜⣀⣱⡀⡇⣷⡇⠀⠀⠀⡠⢤⠀⢸⢀⠁⢀⠤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠀⠘⣀⠴⢿⠀⠀⠀⢫⣿⡽⡁⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢀⣧⢀⣾⡏⠉⠉⢙⠿⣻⣷⣄⠀⢸⢠⡀⡇⢸⠀⠀⡆⣄⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⡏⠀⠀⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⣤⣸⡞⣷⠳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⢰⠻⣇⠤⡪⡕⣽⠞⣿⢎⠻⣾⢸⠇⡆⠘⠀⡇⡇⡿⢸⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⢸⠀⢀⣿⣿⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢄⢄⠰⠆⠀⠃⠀⢏⠙⠻⠯⣤⣇⣡⣏⣶⠏⡆⠰⠁⡆⠀⢃⠳⠀⠎⢀⢔⡝⣼⣿⠇⠀⢀⢠⡇⠀⢸⣼⣾⣿⣿⠇⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠉⢷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡌⠎⢆⠑⢟⢦⣀⡇⠀⠈⠦⠤⠒⡱⢻⣷⣿⡏⠀⢀⢮⠃⢸⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⡘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⠘⡌⣦⠈⢎⠑⢅⠀⠀⠀⡠⢺⡇⣾⣿⡟⠀⢀⣮⠃⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⢣⠀⠀⠀⡄⢣⠱⣼⣵⣄⡁⠁⣠⠴⣾⠀⣾⣿⣿⡿⠁⣠⡷⠁⠀⠀⢸⢻⡏⣿⡿⡕⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⣔⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⣀⡀⣧⠀⠣⠹⣿⣷⡈⣿⡆⢠⣿⣿⠟⢋⡹⠃⢰⢿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢸⠀⣟⡝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⠀
⠒⢒⡨⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣇⣿⢰⢦⠱⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⢣⡀⡷⢁⡴⡇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⡎⠀⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠔⡱⠂⠀
⠀⠈⠻⣗⢭⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡇⡿⠸⠀⠈⢾⢿⣿⣿⣿⢻⢸⠞⣠⣯⣴⠁⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠁⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢊⠕⠉⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢀⠟⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠃⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⢼⣿⢔⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣼⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⢳⡨⠖⠓⠦⣀⡠⠊⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠘⠈⠀⠂⠄⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠒⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠤⢤⢳⡀⠣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“HA! No!” Alastor says.
“Eh, you’re loss,” Angel smirks.
“Well, this just won’t do at all!” Alastor says as he walks over to the lounge. “I suppose I could call in some favors to liven things up.”
With a snap of his fingers, the common area is fixed up, and the fireplace ignites for the first time in nearly a century, and a ball of soot falls out of the fire, that promptly opens a giant eyeball in the middle of it.
“What the,” Angel mumbles as, with a little poof, all the soot is removed from the eyeball, revealing an incredibly small lady in a 1950s housewife attire.
“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor says happily as he gestures her forward.
“Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends!” As her eye narrows as she glances rapidly between the three and then around the hotel, “Why're you all women? Are there any men here?! I'm sorry, that's rude.” Niffty gasps as she sees how disgusting the hotel is. “Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch!” Niffty quickly dashes in between the ladies as she grabs a cockroach and crushes it between her fists. “Which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense. Oh, my gosh! This is awful! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!” She says as she quickly dashes around the hotel, cleaning and killing bugs wherever she sees them.
“HAH!” A voice says, causing the three to glance, seeing a new table in the front of the room, which looks like it came from a casino, with a very large cat with wings sitting in one of the chairs. “Read them and reap, boys full ho… the fuck is this?”
The cat demon glances around before his eyes widen as he sees Alastor waving at him. “YOU!”
“Ah, Husker, my good friend!” Alastor's smile widens. “Glad you could make it!”
“Don't you ‘Husker’ me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!” Husker says as he gestures to the table, which simply fades into shadows.
“I know you were at one of my casinos,” Alastor tilts his head before his eyes narrow. “Not the smartest idea when trying to buy you’re way out of debt.”
“You didn’t seem to fucking care for the last seven fucking years, though,” Husker sighs. “The fuck do you want with me this time anyway?”
“My friend,” Alastor says, putting his arm around Husker as his eyes return to their normal size, “I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services!”
“... ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!” Husker yells.
“Hmm… No, I don’t think so,” Alastor says as Husker pulls himself out of Alastor’s grip.
“You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?!” Husker points his one of his cards at Alastor as it begins to glow. “Do you think I’m so kinda fucking clown?!”
“Maybe.”
“I ain't doing no fucking charity job,” Husker says, turning around but not before Alastor appears in front of him and forcing him to walk next to him by putting his arm on his shoulder.
“Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment!” Alastor waves his hand, creating a bar where the front desk used to be. “With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you!”
Husker glowers at Alastor, causing him to roll his eyes as he walks up to the bar, “Don't worry, my friend, I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish.”
A bottle of “Cheap Booze” appears on the counter as Husker glares at Alastor, “What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!”
The invisible collar around his neck tightens slightly, as he glances at the alcohol and says, “Well, you can!” as the invisible leash loosens and he downs the beer in one chug.
“Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No! No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin!” Vaggie yells as she gets between Alastor and the bar. “Not some kind of mouth…brothel…man cave!”
“SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!” Angel yells as he tackles Vaggie, forcing her to the ground. “We are keeping this.”
“Hey,” Angel says as he leans on the barstool.
“Go fuck yourself,” Husker says.
“Hmm,” Angel says as he grabs Husker’s face, causing his wings to flare up as he tries to grab one of his playing cards. “Only if you watch me.”
“Oh, my gosh!” Charlie says as she pushes Angel onto the ground and shakes Husker’s hand. “Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here, Husker!”
“I lost the ability to love years ago,” Husker says, “And it’s Husk, not Husker.”
“Right, sorry,” Charlie says as she turns to Alastor. “This is amazing! I mean,” Charlie goes into her more formal mode. “It is adequate, thank you, Alastor.”
“It’s… okay,” Vaggie says.
Alastor’s smile widens as he pulls the two into a group hug… thing, “HAHA! This is going to be very entertaining.”
Alastor summons a set of runes that mesmerize Charlie for a second as he chuckles and shoves Vaggie into a nearby wall. “You have a dream! You wish to tell!” Alastor sings as he waves his hand, turning Charlie’s suit into a 1920s cocktail dress before he starts doing a fast style 1920s dance with her. “And it’s just laughable, but hey, kid, what the hell!” Alastor tosses Charlie in the air as she lands on the top of the staircase.
“'Cause you're one-of-a-kind! A charming demon belle!” Alastor sings as he and Charlie slide down the stairs. “Now, let's give these burning fools a place to dwell!” With a wave of his hand, the clothes of everyone in the hotel turn into 1920s outfits as the entire area shifts color into a classic New Orleans purple.
“Take it, boys,” Alastor continues as shadows appear out of the floor and start playing jazz instruments as he and Charlie continue to dance, as Vaggie tries to get Charlie’s attention, but the shadows drag her away.
“Inside of every demon,” Alastor says as he slides past the bar where Angel and Husk are sitting, “is a lost cause.” Angel smiles and does finger guns in agreement with Alastor.
“But we'll dress 'em up for now, with just a smile!” Alastor continues as he summons an ugly hat and fur coat onto Vaggie before slapping her in the ass, causing her to get pissed off and try to rush at Alastor, only to jump into one of the shadows and appear on the other side of the hotel with the band of shadow demons who sing, “WITH A SMILE!”
“And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair!” Alastor sings as he skips over to the fireplace. “And show these simpletons some proper class and style!”
“CLASS AND STYLE!” The shadow demons sing as they appear from the fireplace with Alastor’s shadow smiling along in the back.
“Oh! Here below the ground,” Alastor says as he grabs Charlie and spins them around. “I'm sure your plan is sound! They’ll spend a little time down at this hazbin ho-”
A loud knock at the door interrupts Alastor’s singing as he glares at it before he and Charlie walk up to it.
“Welcome to the happy hotel,” Charlie says as she opens the door to see Sir Pentious standing there with his airship behind him.
“Princess Morningstar I,” Sir Pentious looks up to see Alastor behind her. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE STRIPED FREAK!”
“Alastor?” Charlie asks as Sir Pentious quickly leaps back into his war blimp and starts powering up his weapon, as Alastor simply stares on in boredom and slight annoyance.
“You will not defeat me again, Alastor!” Sir Pentious yells. “NOT WITH MY ANGEL POWERED WAR BLIMP!”
“Do I know you?” Alastor asks as he tilts his head slightly.
Sir Pentious glares as his hood flares up, “Oh yes, you do, and this time I shall prove myself in front of the princess! HAHAHA! I’m so powerful hahaha!”
Alastor snaps his fingers as a portal opens below Sir Pentious’s blimp, and giant tentacles come out and grab onto the war blimp, absorbing its canon with no effort and entering breaking through the delicate machinery to grab onto Sir Pentious and slowly break every bone in his body and forcing him to watch the souls he turned into his egg boys be crushed and then their essence broken as their bodies seem to glitch in and out of existance as their souls are seemingly erased.
With one last touch of effort, Alastor squeezes the entire airship, causing it to form a tremendous fireball as Sir Pentious’s soul is coated in a pitch black fire as he flies off into the distance.
Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie all shift their eyes to Alastor, who is simply staring at where the portal once was.
“WELL, I’M STARVED. WHO WANTS SOME JAMBALAYA?!” Alastor says as he turns around, quickly cracking his neck slightly. “My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! HAHA!”
Alastor strolls past with Niffty happily following him, Angel following him with boredom, and Husk being forced to follow, as Charlie looks at Vaggie happily before following Alastor, with Vaggie herself putting up a small smile before it immediately fades as she sadly follows Alastor. “You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now,”
A flash of lightning strikes the sign at the top of the hotel, changing it from the Happy Hotel to the Hazbin Hotel.
“S̷̛͙̦͉͎̜̲̻̫̋͛̓͋̍̈́̈́͜ͅt̴͓̖͕̲͑̕a̸͎̍͊y̵̼͚͕̭͖̅̈́̄̊̀͗͜͝ͅe̷̹̲̘͔̱͖̓d̴̛̰͎̯̬̎̋͂̊̇͐̉͝ͅ ̶̨͖̖̺̗̞̀͗͒̉͠͠T̸̨̨̨̃̌̈u̶̜̘̞͙͛ň̶̼̯̭͓̐̓̎̾́̉e̶̡̼̦̮̦̊̂̑ͅ.”
Author’s Note: Hello y’all, for those who are coming over from my Villain Deku fic, welcome! For those who are new, please go check it out if you’re interested in reading a fic about the downfall of hero society and the rise of something new in that universe. This is a project I have had bouncing around in the back of my mind for the better part of the past 14 months, and it is one of the main reasons why my other writing has been so slow, since every time I try to write, my mind goes to this fic instead of my Villain Deku fic. I plan to rectify this mistake in the only way I know how. More work for myself. Does this mean I’m quitting my villain Deku fic? No, not in the slightest. I still have 100+ chapters left in that, but I do wish to start actually writing this fic before Hazbin Season 2 comes out and completely fucks over my entire plan for the fic. I thank you for your time and energy reading my fic (or fics if you are from my Villain Deku fic), and I’ll see you soon.