Chapter Text
I still remember the first time I met her. We were only twelve year-old girls who still hadn't desired to look that far ahead in life—at least I didn't, until the first time I had ever looked at her. With just one look, the future did not seem so bad anymore as long as she was going to be in it.
It was the first day of school. High School. All the students in our class were all just starting to settle down. I was sitting at the very back when she entered the room quietly, but it was loud enough for me. She was wearing a beige Pink Floyd graphic tee shirt and a pair of blue jeans. It might be cliche to say this, but she was the first girl that made me really look without ever wanting to look away.
She scanned the whole room before her eyes met mine for the first time. From then on, she had all my attention. She didn't smile or greet me in any way. She just looked at me as if she was saying that she was on her way to me, and I looked at her welcomingly.
"Hi. Is it okay if I sit here?" she greeted as she looked at the seat next to me.
"Yeah. No one's sitting there yet," I replied calmly, but my heart was bursting with excitement.
Once everyone was settled, our class adviser started talking about everything we needed to know. The girl beside me was trying to write everything the adviser was saying, and I was trying to memorise her.
After the orientation, we were grouped into eight. The girl and I were in the same circle, and I thanked the heavens for it. I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what questions to ask, but the heavens were on my side that day because she talked to me first.
"Is it okay if I borrow your phone? I'm out of battery and I need to text my mom," she asked timidly.
The unexpected interaction suddenly made me too nervous to say anything, so I just handed her my phone willingly. She touched my fingers, and I felt a tingling warmth. My heart leaped for the first time.
When she returned my phone, we didn't say anything again, and I cursed myself for being a coward. We glanced over each a few times, but we still didn't say a thing.
Everyone started introducing themselves to the circle and that was how I finally learned of her name.
"My name is Marion. I'm twelve. I'm from Bicol, but I grew up here. I'm new to this school," she spoke softly.
The boys excitedly said their hellos, and the girls complimented her beautiful face, but I only looked at her.
Three of the girls in our group were also new to the school, so when we started the tour around the campus, they asked the two of us to join them. Their names were Jeanne, Andrea, and Quin.
Everyone, especially the boys, tried talking to the two of us. Marion was very shy, and she tended to stumble over her words when people asked her questions. Her answers were very timid, and she would look around nervously like someone who was not used to being in a big crowd or any crowd at all.
Everyone eventually seemed to have gotten tired of asking her questions. It was as if they had realised that she was not that interesting, but I was intrigued of her all the more. Marion remained quiet for the rest of the tour, but she never left my side, and I didn't mind at all.
By noon, everyone was told that they could go for lunch. The three girls in our group had invited me to join them, and Marion pretended to look elsewhere. She was about to turn around and walk away when I finally decided to be brave. I held her wrist, and she turned to me with a surprised look.
"Let's go together?" I asked.
Marion's eyes grew wide before only nodding her head in response. I didn't let go of her wrist. I didn't want her to slip away, and she didn't pull away.
Marion still didn't speak as we ate. Everyone was talking, but she only listened or at least pretended to do so. I animatedly conversed with everyone, but my attention was still only focused on her.
By the end of the day, Marion left quietly without looking back.
On the second day of classes, Marion cried. I was beside her, but I didn't do anything to comfort her. Our adviser approached her and asked if she was okay.
"I want to go home. I don't feel like I belong here," she said in between tears.
Our adviser sent her to the guidance councillor, and I didn't see her for the whole day.
On the third day, she didn't come, so I moved and sat with the three girls from our group.
On the fourth day, she came back, but she never looked at me again. She sat in the back by herself, and all I wanted to do was go back and sit next to her, but I was a coward. And so, we never talked again.
In the next few months, Marion became more quiet than when I first met her. She was the quiet one in our class, and because of that, she became an enigma. She sat by herself during break times and would only talk to people when she needed to. I would look at her sometimes. She would sit on the same table every break. She didn't eat. I never saw her eating or even buying food at the cafeteria. It was like she was afraid to walk or to be seen. She would just write in her notebook or read. Sometimes, she would just sleep as she waited for the bell to ring. She was in her own world with no sign of curiosity for the world around her, including me. It felt like I wasn't even a shadow in her world.
She never looked at me again, but I never stopped looking at her. I lost her without even knowing what it was like to have her.
On the second quarter of the year, something finally shifted, but not in the way I wanted. Marion became more bubbly. She was still alone during breaks, and she still went home by herself, but in our classroom, she was different. She was more talkative to her seatmates. She started talking more during group activities. She would even play volleyball with some of our classmates during our PE class. She was starting to open up to people, but not to me. Never to me.
Marion sat close to Andrea in class, so they would often talk to each other. Andrea became my connection to her. During lunch breaks, Andrea would tell us about Marion, and all I could think about was how nice it would've been to be the one to know those things. I'd have held those information sacred.
I had given up hope that Marion and I would reconnect again, but the universe always gives us what we want when we least expect it.
It was a half-day school day, and Jeanne, Andrea, Quin, and I decided to go to Jeanne's place. Andrea and Jeanne invited Marion to join us, and miraculously, Marion agreed. My heart leaped again.
We were seating in a circle in Jeanne's room when Andrea suddenly asked Marion a question.
"Marion, who's your crush in our school?"
My heart started to hurt, but I didn't understand what it meant then. I was young. All I knew was that I didn't want her to have a crush on anyone, but I was already expecting her to say a boy's name.
"No one." That's all she said.
"What about you, Aki?" Andrea asked again, and suddenly all eyes were on me, including Marion's.
It was the first time she looked at me again since the first day of school, and I couldn't look away.
"No one too," I said as I kept my gaze on Marion.
"You guys are boring," Quin commented.
Marion and I simply chuckled.
The conversation went on, but Marion seemingly became more disinterested by the minute. The girls started gossiping about everyone in our class, especially this girl named Kianna. They said all these mean things about her, but Marion and I simply listened. Jeanne, Andrea, and Quin were all competing with Kianna for the top spot in our class. Kianna was obviously winning.
By the time we were on our way home, Marion didn't seem too eager to stay with us anymore.
Marion and I were the last to separate. I walked with her quietly. It was like the first day of school again, but this time, I was the one following behind her. I didn't want to lose this chance again, so I finally decided to speak.
"Marion, are you okay?" I asked timidly.
Marion looked at me with an unreadable expression, before she finally spoke.
"I can't believe you're friends with people like them," she said before walking away.
I couldn't say anything back. All I could do was watch her walk away and accept the fact that I had just lost my chance again. I started to hate being friends with Jeanne, Andrea, and Quin, but I still didn't leave them. I was a coward, but Marion simply moved forward with her life.
By the end of the third quarter, Marion finally found friends to hang out with during breaks and to go home with at the end of the day, but I was still stuck at wanting her to come back to my side like on the first day of school. All I ever wanted was to go to her.
A month before classes ended, I started seeing Marion hanging out with a girl from a different class. Her name was Audrey. Like Marion, she was also a quiet, timid girl—someone she easily connected with. I would watch them go home together. Audrey's hand would wrap around Marion's arm comfortably, and all I could do was feel that unexplainable pang in my heart.
On the last day of school, everyone was saying goodbye to each other, but Marion was still not talking to me.
"I may not be in the same class as you guys next year, but it was fun sitting next to you all," Marion said to her seat-mates.
"I hope we'll still be in the same class!"
"We'll miss you Marion."
A sudden realisation hit me in that moment. I could lose my chance forever, and I didn't want to. And so, when the final bell rang, I ran to her.
"Marion!" I called.
"Hmm?" she replied with her eyebrows raised.
"Let's go eat outside," I said firmly.
Marion looked at me with uncertainty. She glanced at my friends, and then, back at me again. I already knew what she was thinking.
"Uhm, I don't really—"
"Just the two of us. Please?" I said desperately this time.
She looked at me for a second, but it felt like an eternity. It felt like being judged before I could enter heaven.
"Okay." She let me in.
"Great!" I said before hurriedly pulling her out of the class, not wanting my friends to ruin this luck I finally had.
Marion and I ended up going to this new cafe close to our school. It wasn't quite popular yet, but it was cozy. I booked a room for the two of us, not wanting to run into any of our friends. I wanted it to just be the two of us. I wanted her attention all to myself.
Marion and I ate quietly. It was as if we were dancing around each other.
"You're still quiet," I began before meeting Marion's curious eyes. "Just like the first time we met."
Marion heaved a deep sigh before staring back at her food. "I'm just thinking."
"About?"
Marion looked at me again.
"I'm wondering why you asked me to go out with you. We've never even hung out the whole year, except for that one time with your friends. This was just unexpected. Very...unusual," she rambled.
I chuckled softly.
"That was your fault," I said.
"What is?"
"That we never hung out."
"And how's that?" Marion asked with furrowed brows.
"You didn't talk to me again after the first day," I answered with a smirk.
"Oh...I...uhh," Marion stammered as turned away from me. She started playing with her hands before she started rambling again. "I...I didn't know how. But I wanted to, you know? I really did. But you had your friends and I didn't want to intrude."
I tilted my head to the side, trying to get a glimpse of her face, but she continued to look down on her hands.
"We hung out that one time. You could've stayed."
"You knew I wouldn't. Your friends were mean to Kia. I didn't wanna hang out with people like that."
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"Did you not wanna hang out with me?"
"You were with them."
"And if I wasn't?"
"Then maybe we could've hung out more."
"Can we have a redo, then?"
"Maybe, next year."