Got forced into a chat, kay, what’s up assholes?

by Serpentine_Snake

Summary:

“Hogwarts got phones for an assignment?
Ohhh shoot, best of luck” Aberforth laughed from the safety of his inn.

 

(JKR’s Iconic characters. Sadly she just couldn’t have iconic ideals. Seems one can’t have it all.
Be who you areeee🎶 idk, but she needs to shut up.)

Notes:

Hiii my flowers!! <3
Hope ur all doing swell!

Chapter 1: Dumbles is up to shit, *cackles*

Dumbledore has created a chat using wizarding winks contact shuffler
Dumbledore: this is for your social affairs class that you need to pass in order to eventually graduate in the coming years. perhaps you’ll share your favorite number or tree?
Dumbledore has left the chat
Sirius: ooo goody, a chat full of random people
Barty: oh fuck no
Sirius: ouch
Sirius: who are you again?
Cas: ohhh, now I remember why we don’t like him.
Remus: Sirius go to bed, we have transfiguration first thing tomorrow.

Regulus: Bartyyyy, Pandora stole my usual body hiding spot to make a hair dye potion to attract the Nargles. The body is not dead so this is not permanent, I just wouldn’t recommend using your bed for the next month or so
James: wtf
Barty: umm Reg…
Regulus: oh fuck no
Barty: wait! you did WHAT?!
Regulus: who made this chat
Regulus: Dumbledore I will tell them about your [censored] with [censored]
Regulus: I can speak aloud, don’t think you’re safe
Regulus has been made an admin
Regulus has been given an automatic pass
Regulus: that’s better
Regulus: you all saw nothing or I’ll start calling in favors.
Regulus: goodbye
Sirius: REGGIE?!
James: wtf
Barty: REG WHO IS IN MY BEDDD?!?

Chapter 2: KatydidPolaris

Summary:

…yo, basilisk, where you at?

Cas: Reggieeee, reggieeee
CAs: Regulusss
Cas : fine
Cas : may the all powerful, mighty, and superior to all, heir of the most noble and ancient house of Black, conquerer of France, and manipulator of op lords please awaken
Regulus: Cas, you know I don’t wish to associate with this chat
Cas: yes darling however sadly for you we lost Katydid Polaris and the more people looking the better.
Regulus: …I’m going to kill Barty
Peter: who is Katydid Polaris?
Cas: that would be the giant deadly Basilisk that sleeps in the chamber under the school, have you seen her?
Regulus: my knives will be sharpened.
Pandora: Ev! Code dead! Get Barty out of the country!!
Evan: on it!
Remus: …walking away, didn’t see shit…

Pandora: Update KatydidPolaris has been found. Barty can return!
James: yay???
Sirius: but really, who is that???
Barty: I hate you.

Notes:

Hiii my rosebuds!!

<3

Thanks for reading

-something goes wrong-
Reg: BARTY!! WHAT IN MERLINS NAME DID YOU DO?!?!!!!

Chapter 3: Poisons poisons yum yum, IS THAT LILY?!

Summary:

Where’s my poison?

Regulus: heyyy Andieee
Regulus: do you know where I left the arsenic?? Could have sworn it was on your kitchen counter.
Sirius: PAUSE WHAT
Regulus: oh I am killing that old bat for making this chat…
Barty: yummy yummy toes
Evan: mmmmm French fries
Cas: asparagus
Regulus: byeeee…
James: arsenic??
Remus: if I say I didn’t see it enough maybe it’ll work…

Reg added 6+ members to the chat
Reg: I was bribed
Marls: HELLO REGGIEKINS!
Lils: He loves me really
Reg: She offered me things
Barty: things~
Reg: Books
Lils: eww
Mary: you trying to steal my girl Reg?
Reg: -_- I will murder you in your sleep
Mary: walking away!

Notes:

Hiiii!!
Thanks for readings my Flowers!
<3

Chapter 4: Regulus’s Deer friends getting Ratted out

Summary:

Reg: he mentioned that I like politics
Reg: and I took that personally

 

James: (X-X)

James: Lily, Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
Mary: \(._.\) Dieeee
James: whistling jauntily as a I walk away
Regulus: *strut
Sev: “My FaTher DidNt StRut”
Panda: How did you know!???
Sev: we don’t talk about it
Sirius: Ewwww ewww, what is that THING doing here!?
Lucius: And he calls us prejudiced…
Andie: imagine being related to him…
Cissa: So true girl, so true
Lucius: hi sweetheart
Cissa: hi honey
Bella: *barfs*
Andie: if only family dinners could be this fun
Regulus: I find them quite entertaining
Sirius: that’s only because you like the mental games of politics
Regulus: shut your mouth disappointment.
Sirius: whatever mummies little lapdog
Regulus: you’d know about being a dog, wouldn’t you Sirius?
James: GASP
Regulus: don’t worry no one Ratted him out my Deer
Barty: it’s spelled ‘Dear’ Reg, wtf? Also your capitalization is shit.
James: Whasjsjhsj
James: What did you just call me?
Remus: He’s looking very red
Regulus: Lupin! Were you awere your name means Wolf John Wolf? Isn’t that fun!
Sirius: sobbing. I can hear the sarcasm dripping like my tears.
James: Shhh, he’s lying, he knows nothing Pads
Regulus: Oh but my Deer, I know everything.
Regulus: you know it’s good Cas brought me back, I am finding this to be the upmost entertainment.
Lils: So true tho
Andie: I don’t even know what’s happening but I’ve never been prouder in my life
Sirius: rude
Andie: I was proud at your outburst during that party too
Sirius: Ha! See? I’m still Andie’s Favorite!
Andie: about that…
Cissa: yeah, no. Reg is the favorite.
Bella: totes, my goats~
Sirius: what in the actual Godric?!???
James: why’d he call me Deeerrrr?!?
Remus: why? How?
Remus: I’m not here… I didn’t see….
Barty: REGGIEEEE what is up with your grammar Barty: D:
Pete: what’s up my boos
Mary:lmao

Notes:

Hiii my Roses!! <3

Chapter 5: I intend to run the world in shoes I cannot walk in

Summary:

Respect to those who bleed once a month

Sev:Regulus
Sev: Regulus Arcturus the second
Reg: what in Merlin’s name do you want Severus?
Sev: Meadows may have just punched Slughorn in the face cause he said to wave a wand and stop her period so he could continue the lesson.
Sev: like an uninformed idiot.
Sev: he clearly never learned basic anatomy.
Sev: trying to kill Meadows by clogging up all the blood down there.
Reg: Very well.
Reg: I shall be heading down to the 5th years potion class.
Reg: Do not expect Slughorn to be very outgoing in the next few weeks.
Sev: I most certainly won’t. McKinnon just decked him. Macdonald and Lily are trying to maintain control. Your idiot brother is cheering about gender equality and Pettigrew is shouting “Yasss Queen!!” Like a maniac.
Sev: maybe I’ll pour a lovely mixture of explosives that activate upon human contact in Slughorns seat.
Sev: see how he fares bleeding from down there…
Reg: that sounds splendid. Now I really must go get Cas out of detention.
Panda: just entered the chat
Panda: Merlin yes, slap that man Cas!

Notes:

Thanks for reading my rose buds!!
<3
Feel free to pop in the comments and say hi!

Chapter 6: Winter break!

Summary:

It’s almost winter break!!

James: Winter break is about to start! Who’s excited!!!
Marls: Meee!!
Mary: Meee!! Me and Lils are staying here together <3
Cas: me!!
Siri: me!! Effie makes the best cookies!
Remus: Dads out of town, so. Me!
Pete: meeee!!
Lils: me!!!! <4
Lils: <3*
Siri: Ha!
Lucie: I got Ms Black to allow Cissa to come to the manor! Me!!
Cissa: meee!
Sev: I was not given permission to stay at school, and as such I am not pleased.
Andie: I ran away a hot sec ago so I’m set
Siri: same girl
Reg: I shall likely be spending my time in the attic locked in with the boggart and books on pure blood etiquette.
Pete: are you …okay??
Reg: oh yes, I’m quite alright. Samuel is a good conversationalist.
Barty: mums nice, and dad will be at work.
Ev: me and Panda will sadly be quite bored as we weren’t given permission to stay at school, but we also aren’t allowed to go on their business trip to Portugal. Ughh.
Panda: it’s alright, I’ll have more time to track down a pair of spectrespects now!
Remus: well aren’t we all a cheery lot!
James: Moony?!
Reg: oh calm down Deer, it isn’t like he’s wrong.
Reg: a good bit of dark humor is good for the soul.
Bella: gotta love me some good self deprecation~ ha!
Barty: it’s ’Dear’ Reg, what in Merlin’s name is wrong with your spelling?!
Reg: but my Deer James doesn’t mind my spelling. I just would hate to find myself aWere that I was being a little Rat to him.
James: whyyyyjekghgjgjgj
Barty: that doesn’t change that your grammar is currently absolute trash! What is that capitalization!?!
Siri:He doesn’t know!
Siri: we’re so discreet!
Siri: how would he know!??!
Reg: I’m gonna drown myself
Panda: literally
Reg: see? Pandora understands my sorrows being a sibling herself.
Lils: so true

Notes:

Hi my flowers!!
<3

Chapter 7: Got that holiday spirit? No? Well to bad!

Summary:

Samuel makes a return!!!

 

Barty: I’m in trouble
Reg: fuck you
Reg: who do I need to kill?

Sev: and so winter break had begun, little did our characters know the chaos it would bring.
Lucie: yassss, this is why your my best friend
Panda: HIW DO YOU KNOWEH?!?!
Barty: What is up with people’s grammar in this chat?! Seriously, Panda?
Siri: Siriusly*
Reg: …
Siri: and I’m walking away!
Mary: lmao

 

Barty: so as you all know, I went home.
Barty: so I was taking a walk and missing Reg and Ev.
Cas: oh fuck, I can see where this is going
Barty: cause, you know, their my soulmates. My best friend and my boyfriend. My Ex and my Lover. My Dearest and my Darling. My Partner forever and My Ride or Die.
James: excuse me? Who is who??
Cas: Barty?
Barty: so anyways!
Barty: I was walking around thinking about them, and I accidentally, maybe, accidentally, walked to Reggie’s house…
Reg: Salazars tits, no. No.
Barty: and perhaps his mother remembered me from last time I came over…
Reg: whyyyy is this my lifeeee, why is he important to meee??
Barty: so I now have a broken leg or two, and I’m in the closet. Again. You shall all now know me as straight instead of bisexual. Good day.
Barty: or is it night? I can’t tell, there’s no windows.
Reg: ughh, very well.
Reg: I’ll deal with this.
Siri: Reggie, your locked in the attic, remember?

Siri: Reggie?

Siri: Reg?

Siri: Regulus?

 

Barty: Merlin’s bloody balls!
Ev: what’s happening?!
Barty: Reg just broke open the closet door riding on a stallion made of bones!
Cas: wouldn’t be the first time he got you out of the closet.
James: what.
Siri: ExUsE mE?! Get away from my brother!
Siri: …whoever… you are!
Barty:…
Barty: I’m going to kill him.
Ev: WHY ARE BARTY REG AND A GIANT GORY HORSE IN MY HOUSR?!?!
Panda: ooo, Regs right, Samuel is quite charming!
Reg: I’m aware, they’ve been one of my closest companions since childhood.
Remus: I came, and I’m going to pretend I didn’t. Have a lovely holidays everyone.
Siri: Bye Moonyy! <3

Notes:

Hiiiii!!!
<3

Chapter 8: We’re like a big happy family!!

Summary:

Found family gone wrong.

 

(I would either be the fresh out of jail uncle, or the sassy wine aunt who talks shit about everybody. Who would you be??)

Barty: soooo, I’ve been adopted by my new parents
Pete: tf
Barty: Pandora and Regulus are my parents now. They’re better than my old ones.
Barty: they feed me.
Siri: oh, i get that whoever you are, Effie and Monty are better then my old birth givers as well.
Barty: i will kill you in your sleep.
James: what do you mean Regulus AND Pandora?!
Pandora: Me and my darling fiancé have been wanting a child, this seemed like a lovely option.
Panda: we can get a younger one once we’re done raising this one.
Reg: that sounds splendid, love.
James: since when?!
Siri: huh? What’s up James?
James: since when were they engaged?!
Siri: …since they were 4??
James: what in Merlin’s name?!
Reg: Don’t worry Deer. Panda may be my partner in life, but I’m not really into girls with green eyes.
Panda: He means he’s really gay :D
Barty: Pan, you just outed Reggie…
Panda: oh my goodness i am so sorry Reggie! I thought they all knew! Oh my gosh! I thought you said it was no longer a secret!
Reg: it’s fine Pan, it wasn’t a secret there is a reason theirs a rainbow pin on my bag. Mother said i may have a male mistress when i grow up so long as i uphold my role as heir to her esteemed standards.
Siri: Ha! She didn’t even get one child that’s attracted to females.
Barty: she has a grandchild who is now though!
Barty: males too tho.
Panda: and a future daughter in law that’s attracted to all genders!
Lils: oh we’re just all one big happy family!
Lils: and I’m the dad and Mary’s the mom
Mary: what gender roles are we pushing here?
Lucie: Sev can be the emo-
Siri: I’m the gay cousin!
Cissa: and I’m the child who only ever wanted to be a star
Siri: ha! You got a flower!
Siri: loser
Barty: Regs like the fresh out of jail uncle
Cas: and I’m the aunt
Marls: who talks shit about everybody!
Pete: imma be the grandma who knits everyone things for Christmas.
Andie: that sounds fantastic, Pete
Pete: why thank you
Ev: so what am i?
Reg: that’s a good question, Ev
Reg: care to explain what in Merlin’s name you are?
Siri: Reggie?!
Siri: that’s your friend!!
Ev: you’re correct, Reg
Ev: I am Iconic
Reg: that you most certainly are
Pete: slayyy

Notes:

Hello my hydrangeas! <3

Chapter 9: Back to school Besties!!

Summary:

What is love without insults?

Barty: we’ve returned to school at last!!
Sev: Thank goodness
Sev: i felt like i was the one being dragged into the inferi lake during that “break”
Panda: Sev? How do you know!!!!??
Sev: we do not speak of it.
Lucie: Severus my good pal, you have returned to brighten my days with your glum presence!
Cissa: Lucius! Be nice!
Sev: and you’ve returned to be a pain in my ass you presumptuous git.
Cissa: never mind then!
Cissa: carry on.
Reg: sometimes i forget that they’re friends due to the way they speak to each other.
Barty: Reg
Barty: i am side eyeing you so hard right now.
Barty: your the most insults are love person i know.
Reg: you mind repeating that, Crouch Jr?
Barty: just saying how lovely you are, and what a lucky person i am to have you in my life
Reg: Oh? How kind of you to say, Barty.
Reg: I always wonder who I pissed off in my past life to make me friends with you.
Barty: Well bloody hell, hate you too Reggie.
Reg: <3
Barty:<3

Notes:

Hi! Hope you’re all well!!!

Chapter 10: WARNING: Rick roll

Summary:

Me: I’ll put all my warnings in the tags

Also me: THE PEOPLE MUST BE WARNED OF THIS HORRID THING!!! ILL PUT IT IN THE FREAKING CHAPTER TITLE!

James: Hello!
Lils: Never gonna give you up!
James: ooh! I knew you loved me!
Mary:..
Mary: Never gonna let you down…
Dorcas: Never gonna turn around!
Pete: and desert you
Remus: never gonna make you cry
Lils: Sev?
Sev: no
Lils: please Severus???
Sev: …
Sev: never gonna say goodbye…
Lils: wooo! That’s my bestie!
Lucie: I don’t know what’s happening, but I am ever so proud of you Sevie!
Lils: Never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you!!
Barty: what in the name of Salazars tits is going on?
Mary: why Salazars tits?
Barty: my dude had a giant basilisk tattooed on his tits.
Barty: he’s my hero.
Mary: huh
Mary: okay, fair enough.
Lils: YOU JUST GOT RICK ROLLED!!!
Siri: huh?
Remus: it’s a silly muggle prank.
Lucius: so the muggleblooded ones, ughh, and half bloods have forsaken us for the purpose of their own amusement in our embarrassment.
Cissa: Lucie, play nice.
Lucius: Sev has betrayed me so.
Barty: so they wish to humiliate us?
Reg: ooo! I have a fun silly prank too! Let me just go grab my knives…

Notes:

<3

I’ve recently started the audiobook of red white and royal blue. It’s very cute, yet political. (Am I drawing fanart for it while doing this cause I can’t read without background sound and I can’t listen to books without something mindless to do with my hands? Yes, yes I was.)

Six of crows is still my favorite book right now, though.

Chapter 11: Reading books, feeling awkward

Summary:

Im going to be so clear, I am that awkward person trying to find the right thing to say. Pete’s reaction in this specific chapter is based off me.

Notes:

Warning: The often mentioned in this fandom child abuse.

Ooo and murder, almost forgot that

Panda: Reggie, if I asked you to kill that Hufflepuff you said you thought was cute in second year would you kill him for me?
Reg: Did Evan or did Evan not fight a Wyvern to prove he could be more daring then barty out of spite?
Barty: Hey?! It’s not my fault he chosen those horrid beasts!
Panda: Good to know, thank you Reggie
Reg: what did he do?
Panda: he called me the bird those who do not know me compare me too
Panda: then proceeded to tell me that he would drop a Slytherin Rose in the Great Lake with the weight of Hogwarts on it so I could view its tragic end so he could watch the sweet water fall from a mourners eyes. As an eye for an eye. Ours had hurt his for the blood and they shall have ours fall in exchange.
Reg: oh.
Reg: very well.
Reg: Ev could obviously win if that dick ever tried, however it seems that won’t be necessary as I’ll be taking the hypothetical into the world of reality. Let it be known that I will have been in my dorm all evening with Evan who will also be in the dorm all evening.
Ev: sooo… am I actually to be in the dorm?
Reg: yes
Panda: yes
Lils: yes
Cas: yes
Remus: 100%
Siri: Yes
Barty: absolutely yes, you will not be leaving until Reggie gets to read his WHOLE book.
Barty: I hear this one is quite fun and violent.
Barty: sadly I hear that reg will be ignoring you to read while in the dorm, Ev. So I’ll come talk to you while he reads quietly on his bed.
James: I get the feeling I’m missing something???
Marls: James, how’re you the child of Effie, and yet so dense?
Siri: not all of us know how to stay out of Azkaban like I do Marls.
Sev: or so he thought….
Panda: At this point I’m not even going to question how you’ve come to have insight on this…
Siri: what?!
Siri: I could 100% stay out of Azkaban!!
Reg: wouldn’t really matter, mother sucks the joy out of us quite commonly. I figure you had enough exposure therapy before you left the house, to be prepared.
Sev: lmao, I’d raise a toast to that
Reg: To Tobias and Walburga! For preparing us for Azkaban!
Siri: cheers! What’s ‘lmao’?
Sev: cheers. You’re an idiot
James: I feel so…alone
Marls: it’s cause we don’t have traumatic families
Pete: yeah, that seems right, decent parents make it problematic when you try to figure out an appropriate comment to someone else’s trauma dump
Cas: yup
Mary: soooo
Mary: How’s the weather??
Pete: we go to school in the same place?
Mary: I’m with Marls visiting Cas to paint nails. Dungeons don’t have windows except for the ones that go under the lake.
Pete: oooh
Pete: it’s looking like we might get rain
Mary: noooo, my poor hairrrrr
Cas: Braids and my rain jacket are my favorite.
Cas: please don’t fail me now.
Reg: I’ve finished my book! Good news for Barty is Pandas done using my spot for hair dye.
Reg:…
Reg: I’m gonna go read about the weather mysteriously changing now.
Siri: do it Reg.
Siri: save me from this monstrosity
Siri: rainnn

Notes:

Hiiiii! <3

Chapter 12: Shut up and dance with me!

Summary:

I realized that I owed you all your daily snippets so here I am trying type out the summary with a kitten crawling all over me.

Lils: I want to learn to dance? could any of you possibly teach me?

Siri: what kind? I can do Ballet and Interpretive, while Reggie does classical ballroom types and tango.

Cas: wait.

Cas: Reg can tango?

Cas: why didn’t I know this?!

James: huhujjjkkj?!

Panda: oh yes! Reggie is quite good at tango.

Panda: he’s quite fun to dance with, despite my not being as skilled in tango. I, like Sirius, prefer interpretive.

Lils: I think I’d like to try ballet? If you don’t mind, of course!

Siri: of course! Perhaps you can teach me why the muggles have doors that scream in agony, in exchange? I thought those were just for dark magic families like mine.

Lils: oh! Umm…

Lils: sure.

Lils: it’d be my pleasure!

Sev: oh.

Sev: he really is an idiot.

Notes:

Have a lovely day all of you my hyacinths.

See you later (I hope?)

 

(I tried a new spacing method, thoughts?)

¡Buenas días/tardes!

Chapter 13: Curiosity makes evil master minds

Summary:

New Year’s resolution?

James: Happy New Years!!!

Siri: happy new years prongs!!

James: what are you all doing this year?

Mary: I’m going to the beach this summer!

Lils: mum gave me permission to come with! <3

Mary: <3

Cas: I’ll be reading up on quidditch strategies. I’ll also head down to my cousins repair shop and see if I can help out.

Reg: I’ll be joining a dark cult.

Reg: I feel like it could potentially be really educational to see how one is run.

Pete: I am concerned???

Barty: don’t be

Barty: this is normal

Bella: LOVE when your cousin joins a cult you’ve DEDICATED yourself to only to learn he’s only done it for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES!!!

Cissa: he’ll probably betray the cult in like a year.

Lucie: Why do all the competent people have to betray us?

Sev: he means- “why do reasonable people (and Potters gang) not want to commit genocide”

Siri: hey!

Sev: huh? I wonder what could possibly be the cause of that.

Siri: that they’re reasonable?

Sev: Obviously

Lucie: why are you so mean to meee???

Notes:

Hiiii! Hope you all have a lovely day/night! <3

Chapter 14: An issue…

Summary:

Sometimes you just have to work out your issues…

not really tho

These shits never deal with their issues, they all fucking died instead.

 

Would not recommend that method. yolo have fun with it, you know?

Siri: Slughorn talks foreveeeer

Reg: that’s the worst! I feel you mate.

Siri: bloody hell

Reg: huh? You okay?

Siri: Reg?

Reg: that is I!

Reg: Reginaldi Vivaldi the third

Siri: no.

Panda: oh! Hi Barty!!

Reg: ughhhh, Panda, whyyyyy

Siri: where’s Reggie?

Reg: he left his phone with me.

Siri: where’s regulus?!

Reg: removing an issue.

Siri: ohhhh, that makes sense.

James: excuse me? Reg has an issue?

James: can I help him? Is he okay?

Remus: oh Prongs

Remus: you sweet innocent soul.

Reg: Mind your own business Pokdjfjfidi

Reg: No. I no longer have an issue, thank you though.

Reg: this is Regulus, to be clear.

Barty: git

Notes:

Hiii my violets!

<3

Thanks for reading!!!

Chapter 15: Cryptid Sev makes a return

Summary:

Sev, just knows

Sirius, needs a good smack in the face with knowledge.

Lucie: when I inherit the manor, I wish to have a majestic animal filled property. They must be of the highest caliber!

Lucie: I was thinking…

Sev: Albino Peacocks…
Lucie: Albino Peacocks!!!

Lucie: Severus!! See this is how I know we’re best friends!!

Sev:…

Panda: I- no, just no.

Barty: Panda? You okay?

Panda: noooooo

Panda: Bartyyyy save meee

Barty: of course my lovely maiden

Siri: okay, I get that his name is Barty, but who is he?? I’ve never heard of him before…

Barty: I’m off to go steal my sperm givers knives, he certainly doesn’t need them.

Barty: power drunk arse drinking out every night.

Siri: ooo, we match, you should definitely come to visit Hogwarts so we can rant about it together!

Barty:…

Barty: Murder

Siri: ooo! We should plot their murders together!!

Andie: he’s an idiot.

Sev: …obviously…

Notes:

Hiii my marigolds!!

Chapter 16: Sooo, spectrums, yayyyy

Summary:

Nah, cause someone tell me why sexuality is so confusing. Wtf who am iiiiii???

But no! This is a chapter dedicated to Pete, Lily, Marls, and James!

Mary: Happy Valentine’s Day Lily!

Lily: <3

Lily: you make me feel all mushy and lovey, thanks. Happy valentine’s.

Pete: wait…

Pete: that feeling is real??

Siri: huh?

Siri: what, Wormy?

Pete: people actually feel all mushy and loving to people in a different way than friends and family?

Remus: uhhh…yes?

Pete: oh, I don’t think my brain can process that very well.

Pete: the concept doesn’t really click.

Reg: interesting…

Lils: oh! You might be on the aromantic spectrum!

Pete: huh? The what?

Lils: when romance just isn’t something you feel, comprehend, or you just feel in smaller or less than expected amounts.

Pete: huh…

Pete: I’ll think about that…

James: Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Sirius: huh.

Siri: you didn’t specify Lily, that’s odd.

Lils: shut up Sirius!

James: that is because I talked to Moony.

James: and found out that I no longer feel that way towards Lily!

Mary: only took you five years of rejection, and Lils and I getting together, and a talk from Remus.

Mary: lovely.

Marls: so who’s the lucky person now, jamesie boy?

James: ummm…no one? Maybe??

Marls: you can’t even lie about crushes in text… How is Effie your mother?

Marls: for shame

James: I’m going to go now!

James: byeee!

Notes:

Helloooo my roses!!

Chapter 17: Rebellion!!!!!

Summary:

Music is a coping mechanism (so is reading, but that’s not the point of this chapter. Also I’m saying that music is something that helps me, maybe not everyone.)

Barty: what’s up arseholes

Siri: you’re the arse!

Barty: no you are!

Siri: you are!

Lils: my fireeee

Mary: the one

Siri: huh?

Lils: desireee

Pete: believe

Cas: when I say

Remus: that I want it that wayyy

Sev:…

Sev: TELL ME WHY?!?!!??

Lils: / (O•O) \ gasp

Lils: Ainy nothing but a heart break!

Lucie: why does it sound like Sev is having a breakdown?!

Lucie: Tell me why?!!!

Lils: lmao

Sev: AINT NOTHING BUT A MISTAKE!!!

Mary: Tell me why!

Pete: I never wanna hear you say

Reg: I want it that way…

Siri: cause I want it that way…

Lils: wait, how do you?

Reg: Record swap
Siri: TEENAGE REBELS!!!

Andie: makes sense

Notes:

Hiiii!!

-late one night in grimmauld place back in Siris third year, in Regs room with silencing charms-
-Reg and Sirius on the bed holding their wands like mics-

Reg: Mama!!!
Siri: ooOoooOooo
Siri: I don’t wanna die!!
Reg: but sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all!
Siri: carry on! Carry on!
Reg: as if nothing really matters

Kreacher in the back sitting on Regs desk: Kreacher is so proud of young master Regulus!!! …and the other one…Kreacher thinks did decent….

Chapter 18: Call her maybe? (Like the song)

Summary:

You know, we really just all need therapy.

Person: I told you to get everyone therapy while you’re out!

Millionaires who came up with the internet: We got hyper sexualized music and infinite amounts of stories on the internet that make you feel insane, how about that?

Barty: So, my father has sent me a letter

Reg: Arson

Barty: I shall

Reg: Perfection

Remus: Hey @Barty, I just met you!

Remus: and you are crazy, @Barty

Remus: here’s my therapists number, ###-#### so call her, maybe?

Barty: yesss!

Reg: Nooo! Now I have to start therapy againnnn

Barty: suck it

Reg: been there, done that

James: whasbfjfjkkjj

Panda: score is 23 Barty, 67 Regulus! Let the games continue!

Lils: huh? What’s happening??

Ev: ultimate game

Ev: who can get the most therapists to stop seeing them with how bad there trauma is, without being the one who leaves first because they’re either pissed at them for being pushy (Barty), or emotionally constipated when they don’t know people or aren’t about to beat them to a pulp (Reg).

Mary: Regulus?

Mary: You okay?

Reg: Perfectly fine

Reg: why do you ask?

Mary:…

Mary: Never mind, have a good day

Reg: a lovely day to you as well Macdonald

Notes:

Hi my blossoms! <3

Hope you’re all doing well. I have murdered my sleep schedule in two days, woo!
Drink water and all that nonsense. Get up and go let your intestines hard work pay off. Idk?

Chapter 19: Healthy mental health, so healthy, so stable, so emotionally well

Summary:

Im sorry for the wait! I got overwhelmed with paperwork!
However, I am back in action, and have not (as of yet) mysteriously gotten ran over by a bus (knock on wood).

•.*Traumaaaa *.•
(They are not good with trauma, just to be clear.)

Reg: earlier today someone interrupted my precious library time.

Reg: to ask a particularly idiotic question.

Reg: Please tell the class what you did.

Remus: Sirius?

Siri: wasn’t me!!

Remus: James?

James: Nada

Panda: Cas?

Cas: no

Panda: Barty

Barty: nope!

Panda: Ev

Ev: No.

 

Pete:…It was me…

Remus: Pete?

Pete: I asked hims hiw he doesnt have prdt

Reg: Speak clearly.

Pete: im tryong!!

Reg: you know, there have been lots of pests in the building, perhaps I should ask Dumbledore to get some wards against pests?

Lils: You probably should report that to your head of house if the issue persists!

Barty: aww, Reggie, I’ll kill the mean little mice for youuu!!

Pete: I asked him if he was in therapy!!! Then I told him he had to have had ptsd!!

Pete: please don’t kill me!!

Siri: Pete

Siri: I thought you were smarter than this.

Siri: Reg is messed up in the head and somehow managed to shut down that part of his brain with occlumency.

Siri: although if you want someone with PTSD, I do
qualify.

Ev: as do I.

Panda: Something of the sorts.

Sev:…

Bella: awww, look at how traumatized you all areeee~, it makes you so cuteee~

Bella: Auntie Bella will take care of you all~

Reg: I do not wish to participate in something as trivial as figuring out the ways things of the past haunt me.

Panda: Reg

Panda: Figuring out, and growing, from your trauma, is good.

Reg: Well then it’s lucky that I am not good.

Cas: ughhh

Cas: Panda, you’re not winning this one.

James: Regulus…no.

Reg: What did you say, Deer?

James: nothing.

Reg: very well then.

Notes:

Hello my lovely tulips! Hope you’re all doing swell!

Chapter 20: Shenanigans and gremlins…oh wait, my bad, that’s just Barty

Summary:

April fools day!!!

Ev: BARTEMIUS CROUCH JR!!! DO NOT MESS WITH MY CLOTHES AGAIN!

Barty: April fools?

Cas: Just saying that your outfits are a vibe.

Remus: huh?

Panda: Barty charmed all of Ev and Regs clothes.

Panda: now Reg is stuck wearing black leggings, a lavender tunic, black combat boots and belt, along with silver eyeshadow.

Panda: oh! And black eyeliner!

James: uh

Panda: Ev is wearing a green tunic, flowy brown pants, a dark brown belt and leather shoes. He also has green eyeshadow.

Mary: why do they get cute outfits as a prank? I got all my breakfast tasting like raw onions! wtf

Siri: what’s ‘wtf’ mean?

Remus: they just walked into the great hall and James has banged his head on the table

Siri: “shut uppppp”
Siri: James asked me to type for him.

Reg: Hello?

Reg: Do you need assistance? Has your idioticness caused you to gain a concussion?

Siri: *chokes* *coughs* “noooo,” *Coughs* “m fine”

Reg: I will be there shortly to see if he needs assistance, as he clearly can’t check for his own benefit.

Cas: Sirius, We can’t see over Alice and Frank, what’s happening?

Siri: James just ducked under the table??

Cas: what happened next?

Cas: why do I hear shrieks of terror?!

Panda: Sirius?

Siri: Reg has grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him up. He is now carrying James out of the great hall like a sack of potatoes.

James: why is he so bloody strong?!

Siri: He arm wrestles Samuel and Bella.

Notes:

Hi my Camelias!!

Chapter 21: April showers bring….

Summary:

Hiiii

Notes:

If anyone wants to tell me how to insert photos, that would be greatly appreciated.

Lils: April showers bring may flowers!

Lils: I have arisen

Marls: cackling

Mary: It’s like the meme where someone says that opening an unbrella is superstitious.

Lils: What am I gonna get, Bad Luck?

Reg: I’ve been called.

Lils: HOW DID YOU KNOWWWW???

Panda: …that’s my line……

Panda: :(

Reg: know what?

Reg: I read my texts and saw you called my name.

Reg: What did you expect?

Lils: I-

Lils: I don’t know….

Notes:

What’s up buttercups!?

¡¿Que pasa calabaza!?

I don’t speak anymore languages…oh well?

Have a good day/night!!

(Drink something!! Use the powder room? Idk???)

Chapter 22: Never have I…

Summary:

Game time!!

(Counting the scores was such a painnnnn)

Sirius: okay! Mary taught me a game and I asked Reggie and he says Meadows taught him.

Sirius: let never have I ever commence! 10 fingers up!

Sirius: never have I ever been seduced by my best friend polyjuiced.

James: shut uppppp 9

Cas: we don’t talk about it 9

Marls: huh?!

Marls: whoooo?!!!

Barty: let’s just say I make a hot chick

Lils: lmao

Reg: never have I ever been afraid of turtles.

Siri: this is targeting!!

Siri: 9

James: since when?!!!

Pete: never have I ever been a brunette

James: … 8

Marls: piss off! 9

Remus: you’re bleached blonde?

Barty: 9

Remus: 9

Cas: 8

Mary: 9

Andie: ughhh 9

Sev: never have I ever played on a quidditch team

Reg: 9

James: 7

Cas:7

Siri: 8

Barty: 8

Marls: you bloody git!! 8

Siri: ha!

Marls: never have I ever been under an unforgivable

Siri:7

Reg: 8

Barty:7

Cas: oookay then…

Cas: way to ruin the energy Marls.

Marls: ehhh

Reg: never have I ever had blue eyes

Siri: I see how it is… 6

Pete: rude 9

Panda: never have I ever fought a lion

Barty: I am flipping you off through the phone

Barty:6

James: ExCuse mE?!!!

Bella: Did you win?!!

Ev: He didn’t

Bella: Ha!!

Remus: I feel concerned??

Cas: never have I ever been locked up in my parents basement/attic

Reg:7

Siri: …5

Barty: 5

Siri: Ooo! We’re twinning, stranger!

Barty:…I suppose I am the danger…

Ev: 9

Panda: 9

Sev: 9

Bella: 9~

Andie: 8

Lucie: …9

Remus: 8

Pete: Never have I ever smelt wet dog in my amortentia

Remus: …well fuck you too, 7

Reg:…6

Reg: I am so bloody peeved that you idiotic lot know where this particular scent comes from….

Siri: He loves mejfjfnfkfkfk asfter aljllknfbf

Siri: JAMES!?!

Siri: whyyyy????

Siri: Reggie cares for his big brogbtjtwerrre

Siri: Jamessss?!?!!!

James: they. Aren’t. Supposed. To. Know.

Siri: oh.

Siri: oh Godrics beard! Bloody hell!!

Remus: and the game is over.

Cissa: I win.

Cas: absolute Queen

Notes:

Hi my Petunias!!

¡Buenas días!/ tardes

Chapter 23: 104 days of summer vacation, and Cult comes along just to prolong it!

Summary:

Hiiiii! It’s summer break!! Guess who has plans to join a cult??

James: SUMMER BREAKKKK!!

Sirius: Effie!

James: Monty!!

Sirius: Fresh cookies!

James: Swimming!!!

Sirius: No homework!!!

James: Family game night!!

Sev: Starvation.

Sirius: way to ruin the mood, Snivels

Sev: That was the intention you incompetent idiot.

Reg: I will get to commence with my research, for the foreseeable future, on cults.

Reg: Barty, you should take advantage of your placement due to…him. Andie you should take advantage of your situation due to …Ted. Who is annoyingly decent….

Andie: Aww, Thank you, Regulus. - Ted

Barty: ughhhh

Barty: only if Ev comes at the same time “accidentally”

Ev: …fine

Bella: that I DEDICATED my LIFE too!??!!!! Hmmm~

Bella: feeling so LOVED and APPRECIATED right now!!!

Reg:…

Reg: <3

Bella: …<3

Notes:

Hi my poppies!!

Chapter 24: Wait they weren’t? Noo Reggie that’s in, like, a decade

Summary:

BACK FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!

Guess who joined a Culttttt??

(I think you’ll only guess partially right)

Reg: I have officially succeeded in joining a cult.

Panda: Me too!! <3

Reg: yes, Panda decided it would be best to arrive during the middle of initiation and make me think I’d have to kill everyone in the room except for family members.

Sev:…

Reg: We all know Lucius is going to make you a godfather one day.

Lucie:…

Lucie: he isn’t incorrect….

Cissa: yes, the godparents shall be Severus and Regulus.

Reg: why thank you.

Reg: You, Lucie, and Evan and Barty can be the godparents of me and Pandas First child.

James: oh

Cissa: Why thank you, Reggie

Panda: The second will be to Dorcas and Marlene, and Sirius and Remus.

Cas: why are me and Marls paired together?!!

Marls: Wha?!

Sirius: I!

Sirius: I to would like to ask thislsks?!?

Reg: wait your not already dating?

Panda: No Reggie, it’ll take them 7 years and 9 years respectively which is why they get to be godparents to the second child.

Sev:…

Marls: Well it’s not our fault that we’re not married off as children!!

James: huh

Panda: Well need to finish our story.

Reg: then me and Panda and our respective partners shall raise our children within the Black mansion in which Evan and Barty will freeload occasionally.

Barty: Yesss!!

Ev: Sounds splendid, we do have access to the Rosier mansion though??

Reg: No.

Mary: we just looking over the cult…?

Notes:

Hellooooooo my zinnias!!

Chapter 25: I am (not) cuteee!!!!

Summary:

Return of Sev the Cryptid!!

What a diva he is!

Reg: sooo, say I needed to find the creature within Hogwarts?

Sev: 5th book to the right in the magical creatures section find the 3rd spell on page 56. Learn it and then head to Myrtle’s Bathroom and have a good talk about how you’d just like for a passage to appear.

Reg: thanks Severus.

Panda: yippeeee this is splendid news!!

James: what’s in the school?!

Reg: usually a rat

Reg: a Stag

Reg: a dog

Reg: and, most interestingly…

James: Got it!

James: shutting my mouth now!

Reg: as you should.

Lils: oh! I’ve seen that dog around before!!

Lils: it’s very cute!!

Reg: I will have to disagree, as I, personally, wouldn’t call him cute…

Siri: Bloody Arse! That dog is adorable!!!

Notes:

Hi my orchids!! <3

Chapter 26: Reg: felonies Panda: Yayyy!!

Summary:

The chapter title is the summary.

Would you believe me if I told you that there is a tiny bit of plot in this story?? Like, oh my gosh!?

Panda: Hellooo!

James: hi!!

Siri: hello!

Cas: what did you do!?

Panda: We’re taking summer school!!

Remus: there is no summer school?!!

Barty: you broke into the school?!

Barty: WITHOUT ME?!!!!!?

Reg: yes, now we must be going.

Panda: Bye Bye!

Reg: farewell

Barty: Why would you do this without meee?!?!!

Barty: you know how much I’d like to try breaking into that school!!!

Barty: you’re so meannnn

Barty: Reg?

Barty: Reginald?

Barty: Reginaldi?!?

Barty: Regulus?????!!!!

Notes:

Hey my Tiger Lilies! How’s it going??

<3 thanks for reading!

Chapter 27: Google for wizards

Summary:

When you mistake which bar you’re typing into.

More Jegulusss

Chaos

Fiancé duo chaos

Panda: dearest search engine how does one remove snake blood from clothing??

Barty: Panda??

Ev: what in the bloody hell are you doing!?

Panda: oh my!

Panda: wrong tab.

Panda: ummm

Panda: well

Reg: Panda was experimenting on a rattlesnake and it kind of exploded on us. We’re wearing our cult clothes and need them for our meeting in 1 hour.

James: hi Reggie!

Reg: Hello Deer.

Barty: Grammarrrrrr you pure blood snobs are supposed to know how to do this

Ev: Barty?

Barty: yes I’m aware that I too am a pure blooded snob.

Sev: cold water, hydrogen peroxide, blot, repeat 3 times, dry.

Panda: Thank you Severus!!

Mary: how do you know that!?

Lils: So…

Lils: may have accidentally crushed a snake while playing in one of Tunies dresses.

Lils: maybe got some blood on it…

Lils: and ran to Sev for help.

Panda: Sev is good at extermination!

Barty: and Regs good at braiding hair.

Pete: braids are off topic, but Kay, be a queen.

Ev: or doing hair in general.

Cas: it’s the three long haired bad asses who are his cousins.

Cas: like, those girls are insane, buuuut…

Cas: you know?

Siri: they’re also all MARRIED OR HAVE PARTNERS!!

Marls: oooo! Would you braid my hair!

Siri: or mine! Your dear brother!

Lils: can you French braid?

James: would you play with my hair?

James: or not!

James: my hair is kind of on the shorter side.

James: it’s fine if not.

Reg: Deer, I’ll be right over

Reg: calm down, Potter.

Siri: Hey?!!

Notes:

Hi my bleeding hearts flowers! <3

 

(Opinions on me making a separate long fic about the Black family that isn’t complete crack but still partially, and actually has some depth and plot?? But still crack!)

Chapter 28: I told you I WANTED too!!

Summary:

Barty is …chaotic
Yayyyy

Ev: BARTY!???!

Ev: Why is there a picture of you on top of Hogwarts castle in the prophet?!

Ev: with the caption “Barty crouch Jr sings Selena warbeck from the heart, why on Hogwarts though?”

Barty: I said I wanted to break into Hogwarts!!!!

Cas: honestly….

Cas: we should have seen this coming…

Barty: Panda also asked me to pick something up there that she forgot while she was there with Reg.

Panda: Yes! I needed my Ravenclaw inspired headpiece for me and Regs wedding!

James: oh, umm, congrats??

Reg: Thank you Deer.

Barty:…I shouldn’t have grabbed your headpiece while I was there…

Reg: and despite that?

Barty: I would do anything for you, Panda, Cas, and Ev.

Reg: that is what I thought.

Reg: Although perhaps this may apply to me as well.

Barty: <3

Reg: <3

Notes:

Hiiiii my gardenias <3

Chapter 29: I need music!!! Jam session break!

Summary:

Heheheehehh, Pete saw too much.

Pete: So I’m just casually sneaking into the Black family summer home, cause Pads said I could go raid their pantry.

Barty: jealoussss

Pete: and this! This! Is what I come upon!

Pete: (inserts video)

{ you can see an old timey Victorian style sitting room.

 

On the table stands Narcissa holding a viola.
On the backrest of the couch Regulus sits primly with a violin.
Bellatrix can be found with a microphone leaning against a grand piano where Sirius is sat.
Andromeda is standing on the side holding a bass, a cello resting on its side a few feet behind her.
Lucius is standing next to the table holding up an elegant flute.

Bellatrix smirks into the mic, “1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4!” She cackles manically.

Soon Andromedas bass fills the room with Sirius’s piano playing a tango sounding cacophony.

“Hellooo…” Bellatrix pulls out the word low and deep.

Lucius adds in what sounds like a trill.

“Helloooo girl~” Bellatrix smirks, “Welcome to Hell!”

Regulus and Narcissa join doing a call and response with their instruments, complementing each others playings beautifully.

The snazzy song has begun to form.

“Welcome to Hell.
We’re the spawn of Satan~” Bellatrix leans forward as though she’s a rockstar leaning towards a fan bellow her in the crowd. Her voice smooth and rich.

“Fire and flames? Who could complain?
We are the spawn of Satan~
The demons you never knew!
Well eat you, mistreat you, and leave you broken and bruised.” Bellatrix’s eyes are manic. Wild.

Regulus stands gracefully, still playing, and walks over to her.

Bellatrix smirks as she transfigures the mic into a violin wandlessly and Regulus does the same with his but into a mic.

They seamlessly switch parts.

Bellatrix adds chaotic little bounces.

“Oh, I’ll make you, I’ll break you, I’ll say it all was a mistake with you.
Till I see you again down in Hell.” His voice carries smoothly and speeding up, yet full of passion and emotion.
“I am the fire and flames.
I’ll burn you down to the veins.
Oh, you’ll be stuck with me in Hell” He smirks.

“OOoooh, you’ll be stuck with me forever. You can leave right now, or never.
Cause if not, I’ll drag you down to Hell with a tie you cannot sever.
Oooh, you’re coming down to Hell.
We’re gonna burn in Hell!!!” His volume growing in the last few lines.

Andromeda plucks a few last notes and then Bellatrix and Narcissa play one last accented bow stroke.

“Holy Fuck…” can be heard quietly from behind the camera.}

James: oh…

James: oh wow…

Remus: yep, wow…

Remus: yep

Panda: that was so cool Reggie!!

Mary: SINce wHeN?!?!

Pete: seeee?? That’s what I’m wondering!!

Cas: why are the Black sisters such bad asses???

Notes:

Hiiiiiiiii my dahlias!! <3

Chapter 30: (/*Τ-Τ)/ ••• /)¡3

Summary:

Life is a highway, I’m going at my pace, with this fic.

I’m sorry if this chapter is if-y (I can’t spellllll)

Reg: <\3

Panda: D:<

Reg: /(^~^)\

James: huh?

Panda: (•.-)?

Siri: ??? What’s happening?

Reg: >:D

Mary: helloooo??

Panda: <3

Reg: •*.

Barty: oh

Barty: Rip Mundungus

Reg: -> X-X

Barty: or not?

Reg: (^-^)

Barty: ohh, he doesn’t deserve rest or peace?

Marls: what in Merlin’s name is happening

Ev: murderous rage

Cas: Just murder.

Remus: …okayyyy, I did not see this.

Remus: farewell.

Reg: ;)

Reg: /(OoO)\

Barty: HE DESTROYED ALL YOUR POTIONS INGREDIENTS WITH A FOOLISH MISTAKE IN DIAGON!?!

Sev: valid reason for his oncoming death.

Notes:

<3 *•*.•.*
.•.**.•*.•*
.••*.•.**•*

Chapter 31: Hot Punk Besties

Summary:

Excuse to show off previously made (fan)art!!
Heheheheh

Lucie: Did you guys know?

 

Bella: ooo~

 

Bella: what?!

 

Lucie: my bestie

 

Marls: the tension!

 

Sev: stop…

 

Lucie: Sev

 

Remus: can’t wait to hear this.

 

Lucie: Is Punk core when outside of school!??

 

Siri: Hah!!

 

Sev:…

 

Sev: Says the Queen fan…

 

Siri: Preposterous! A completely different genre!!

 

Siri: you’re simply a loser.

 

Lils: I think we look bloody fantastic during the holidays!

 

Mary: oop.

 

Siri: oh!

 

Siri: umm…

 

Remus: Me and Sirius are leaving to go on a walk around Potter manor.

 

Siri: huh?

 

Siri: oh!

 

Siri: Yup! That is I!

 

Siri: going on a walk!

 

Reg: I can not be the only one who finds Lupin taking Sirius on a walk humorous.

 

Barty: waitttt

 

Barty: Evans and Severus would lowkey be hot punks.

 

Ev:…

 

Barty: Ev is still better, duh.

 

Lils: are*

 

Sev: …obviously

 

Lils: we ARE hot punks.

 

Mary: oop, lmao

 

Mary: <3

 

Lils: <3

 

___________________________________

LOOK AT MY ARTTTTT

ahem,

…please…

Punk Besties, made by Serpentine_Snake

Punk Lils and Sev made by Serpentine_Snake

Notes:

Hi my Belladonna flowers!! <3

Chapter 32: A pain in his Abraxasshole

Summary:

Got to get the next horcrux.

Notes:

Sorry for being lateeeee, work caught up to me.

Reg: Lucius, dear, I’m having a meeting with your father this evening.

Reg: I suggest you stay in Andie and Ted’s appartments spare room tonight.

Lucie: ahh, so I will be becoming the head of my house a tad bit earlier than previously thought.

Reg: possibly

Cissa: I mean…

Cissa: If Reg doesn’t kill him I will save us all many troubles by taking care of the situation.

Lucie: you’re too sweet my Darling

Cissa: Thank you Honey

 

Reg: Well

Reg: Abraxas is dead

Cissa: Reg.

Cissa: Why is there a hastily written note on Abraxas’s desk to the dark lord reading ‘he stole your Diary’ in the most unrefined hand writing I’ve ever seen?

Cissa: and I’ve seen Sirius’s handwriting.

Reg: Perhaps because I did take the aforementioned diary.

Siri: HEY?!?!!

Notes:

Hiiii my delphinium flowers! <3

Chapter 33: NOT A CHAPTER: I’m sorryyyy (please read anyway)

Summary:

I needed to inform people cause it was getting awkward, I’m sorry my Sakuras

So, this is not a chapter. Know that comments fuel me to continue and make my day completely and fully, butttttttt

I do not do social media right now because the world is a mess. I do not have social media right now either. I am physically unable to talk to you all on different platforms cause I only use guest accounts on other platforms.

My apologies if this feels rude, I really don’t mean to be I just figured I’d get it out of the way that way you all don’t get confused and I don’t get a bunch of ‘we should chat on (app I don’t have)!!’

Keep in mind that if you find my work elsewhere or my name elsewhere that means it’s not me.

Ummm lots of loveeeeeee, thank you to those who read this nonsense that isn’t even a chapter!!! <3

Edit: please keep in mind that I will answer basically all comments (cause I love comments) so if you ever need to ask me anything or want to discuss anything I will discuss with you there if you want.

 

Voldie: -glances at Kreacher-
Reg: Die.

Chapter 34: Pete, sweetheart, no….

Summary:

Reg is mad
Cissa is sad
Pete is apologetic
Bella is… oh bloody hell

 

Reg: Bella, where. are. my. knives.

Reg: Bella

Reg: BELLATRIX

Pete: wait?

Pete: her name was Bellatrix??!

Siri: what did you think it was?!

Pete: I don’t know?! Belladonna?!

Reg: that’s what I’m going to stuff down her throat if she doesn’t return my knives!

Siri: is Belladonna a constellation!?

Siri: NO!

Pete: a Narcissisist flower isn’t either…

Cissa: oh.

Lucie: I swear on Salazar I’m going to strangle you!

Siri: That was incredibly rude!

Siri: that’s a bloody sensitive subject!

Pete: in sorryyyyy

Pete: I’m sorryyyyyyy

Pete: I didn’t mean to offend you Narcissa!!

Cissa: very well.

Siri: she is so pissed

Bella: as she should be! Ha!!

Reg: there you are.

Bella: hmm~ rjhfnfkfjgkgjgkjkhkgky

Remus: is…

Remus:…is she okay??

Reg: I’ve procured my knives once more, all is well.

Remus: but is she??

Reg: all is well!!

Remus:…

Remus: never mind…

Notes:

Hi my Apple Blossoms!! <3

Hope you liked the chapter!!!

 

Hmmm… I wonder if Bella is okay?
Jk I already know! You however do not! Aren’t I just horrid? Heheheheheheh

Chapter 35: Cryptid & Seer + Righteous Anger!!

Summary:

Lily has a cousin

Vernon’s a Jerk

Black brothers like weapons.

Lily is pissed!! (As she should be)

(WARNING HINTS AT CURRENT POLITICAL SITUATIONS IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD.)

Lils: So, my cousin Sam was showing Petunia’s, my sisters, husband, their scrapbook.

Lils: This guy just goes and asks ‘what are you?’

Lils: and I’m like, Non-binary Queen is literally written on the cover!

Pete: oof

Lils: then he says, “genders so out of control these days, why can’t you be “normal”?”

Lils: NORMAL?!

Lils: fuck off bob the builder, keep your opinions to your bloody self if they’re going to be this dense.

Lils: it’s not that hard to bloody well ask, is it?!

Lils: Next your going to tell me that people will still be committing genocide and hate crimes decades from now!

Sev: so…

Panda: Shut. Up. Severus.

Sev: the water…

Panda: let’s just play pretend.

Sev: but they’re colonists… they can’t talk…

Sev: hypocrites the lot of them.

Siri: Okay, I need your brother in laws address!

Lily: privet drive, why?

Siri: Reg isn’t the only one who carries a weapon at all times!

Lils: huh!?

Reg: Brass knuckles.

Lils: not what I bloody meant!

Panda: good point…

Panda: Severus, how do you feel about getting rid of a Cheeto puff?

Severus: of course…

Notes:

Hi my Dandelions!