In the Wake of Morning

by Hauntofeagles

Summary:

Set at the start of season 22. After Owen’s death, Teddy leans on Amelia for support and something sparks between them. How long can they ignore it?
Tedmelia, minor Monmelia. Bit of angst, bit of romance.

Notes:

Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Teddy

Chapter One: Teddy

 

Dr Teddy Altman, chief of surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial, steps up to the dais. It’s raining, as it always is in Seattle, a soft patter hitting the colourful stain glassed pane behind her. The dark sky outside casts a grey hue over the sea of people gathered. Sea might be an overstatement but Owen’s funeral has gathered quite the crowd. Owen had been around so long and had touched a lot of people’s lives, whether for the better or the worse is a matter of perspective. Teddy knows that they are all here to pay their respects, to support her, to support each other. She sees Amelia in the front row with Meredith and Jo, helping with all the children that they have between them and Teddy is grateful for having one less thing to think about today. Everyone is waiting for her to deliver a speech, she opens her mouth to start saying her rehearsed words but it all passes her in a blur. The next thing she becomes truly aware of is Owen’s coffin lowering into the wet ground. Teddy is disassociating, she knows it, probably a hangover from war PTSD but she is powerless to stop it as she is transported back to the explosion. 

 

One Week Ago

 

Emergency protocols have been activated and the hospital staff are reacting quickly, securing patients and floors. Teddy goes through the motions with the police and first responders, satisfied that as the chief she has done everything correctly. She takes a deep breath, allowing herself one moment of dread, some of her friends could be injured, her staff, people that she knows well and people that she doesn’t could all be in mortal danger. She didn’t see the explosion but she felt it rumble through the floor. Based on the reports from the fire department it was more than likely that some were dead. Teddy pulls back on her chief mask, tears wouldn’t do any good for the people that needed help, and certainly they were useless to those already dead. Teddy is outside in the cold night with the rest of the people evacuated from the hospital. Through the chaos in the parking lot she coordinates with various HOD’s to get accounts of people and patients, but she can’t find Owen. She knows that he is probably avoiding her given that she all but asked him for a divorce earlier but surely in a crisis situation he would put that aside and follow protocol. Wouldn’t he? She follows up with the fire chief Maya Bishop to see if her firefighters have recovered anyone from the OR floor yet. That was when her whole world changed. 

Maya puts a hand on Teddy’s elbow “I’m so sorry Teddy.”

 

Now

 

Teddy regrets deciding to have the wake at her house people now crowded into her living room and kitchen. She wants nothing more right now than to hide away and cry her way through an entire bottle of wine. That wouldn’t do though, everyone has expectations of her to be the perfect grieving widow. The guilt she harbours over everyone’s condolences is eating away at her. Teddy just wants to scream “I left him” and have everyone look at her with anger rather than the pity she can see adorning their faces now. Teddy is saved from her internal spiral by Meredith gesturing a phone at her

“It’s Christina.” Meredith says simply by way of explanation. 

“Oh” is all Teddy can muster before taking the phone and walking to her bedroom for privacy. 

“Hi Christina, how are you doing?” Teddy asks, though it seems backward that she should be the one asking Christina that.

“Never mind me, how are you? I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there.”

“It’s okay” Teddy replies, “He knew you cared about him.” Teddy doesn’t need to say she knows Christina cares about her too.

The rest of the conversation happens below the surface of the words they are actually saying. Silent condolences and an undercurrent of understanding of what it’s like to love Owen, but not enough. 

“Thank you for calling.” Teddy wants to close the conversation before she admits out loud that she had left Owen too, recognising herself in Christina, as she had so many times before. She wants to reach across the distance between them and tell Christina that neither of them could be the person he needed them to be. 

“Of course, I know there isn’t much I can do from here but if you ever want to come look at my hearts you’d be more than welcome.” Christina offers 

“Thank you.” Teddy replies sincerely, “I need to get back out there, widow duties you know.” Teddy says, trying to bring some levity to an otherwise grim conversation. “Bye Christina.”

“Bye.” And she hangs up, leaving Teddy with a moment alone to collect herself. This moment is promptly interrupted by Amelia poking her head through the door. 

“Hey, I just wanted to see if you were okay?” Amelia says as she takes another step into the room. 

“Stupid question though, obviously you’re not okay, your husband just died” Amelia winces at the words that have just come out of her mouth. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, I mean I’m not right now but I will be.” Teddy doesn’t want to stay in this room too long with Amelia giving her a look that portrays genuine empathy . It’s overwhelming to Teddy that Amelia seems to be looking right through her, past the veneer of grieving widow and glancing at something underneath. It’s in that moment that she feels another pang of guilt, Amelia had been married to Owen too, maybe she isn’t okay and Teddy has only just this moment even considered offering her any comfort. 

“Sorry I haven’t even asked how you’re doing.”

“Oh, this is so not about me,” Amelia chuckles ruefully  “I will miss my friend though, we all will, but you lost the love of your life, I can’t-“

“Allison was the love of my life.” Teddy says cutting Amelia off. “Owen was my best friend, the father of my children, and I loved him for that but-” Teddy now cuts herself off.

“But…?” 

“Nothing, it’s nothing, and it hardly matters now” Teddy replies “I should really get back out there” Teddy says nodding toward the door.

“Meredith has not so subtly been clearing people out.” Amelia says as she follows Teddy out.

Much to Teddy’s relief, when she comes back into the living area there are only a few people left. Meredith, Nick, Bailey, Ben, Megan and Jo all stand around while Bailey and Ben’s older kids entertain the younger ones outside. At the sight of Jo, Teddy feels another influx of guilt, she hadn’t even thought about Link, or what Jo must be going through right now. She observes the woman before her, bags under her eyes, hair limp and still very pregnant. 

“Jo, you doing okay? Any updates on Link?” Teddy asks, trying to inject kindness but not pity, not now, into her voice.

Chapter 2: Jo

Summary:

The rest of the evening after Owen's funeral.

Notes:

Shocked that anyone has already read this, first fic and all, wasn't sure what to expect. Hope you enjoy this next one!

Chapter Two: Jo

 

“He’s still in the ICU, they expect him to wake up any day now, but they won’t know if he has any cognitive deficits until he wakes up.” Jo explains.

“His scans all look clean and his surgery went well, on his brain at least, all we can do is wait.” Amelia offers, trying to be comforting but it does nothing to ease her anxiety. All she’s done is wait, and hope, and cry. 

“We’re going to head off,” Meredith says, grabbing Teddy’s hand. “Please let us know if there’s anything we can do.” This is followed up with a chorus of agreement as Meredith leads a procession of people out the front door. Jo lingers, she doesn’t know where to go, not ready to be alone yet. She notes Amelia is lingering too, looking toward the kids outside through the glass slider. Much to Jo’s surprise Teddy turns to her and asks “Do you want to stay for a while?” 

“I wouldn’t want to impose…” Jo replies

“Please stay, I don’t really want to be alone right now, the kids keep asking when their dad is going to be home but at least with the other kids here they’re distracted.” Teddy pleads.

“Okay, thank you” Jo smiles, looking down, slightly uncomfortable with the kindness. It had never sat easily with her, kindness from others, she didn’t always know what to do with it.

“I should-” Amelia starts

“You can-” Teddy says at the same time, she chuckles and tries again “You can stay too, I would like it if you stayed. The kids would love a sleep over with their cousin.” Jo notices a a look pass between the two and decides to store it away for later examination.

 

Later That Evening

 

The three women stand around the kitchen island, mountains of uneaten food cluttered around the bench tops. Jo is extremely grateful that Teddy asked her to stay, they have never been the closest of friends but she decides it would be nice to get to know her better, especially if Link never wakes up and Jo has to join the widows club. She can’t think about Link too much, lying in the ICU covered in tubes and wires, she needs to focus on Luna and the twins she’s carrying inside of her. The evening wears on and is filled with bedtime routines and cleaning. Jo and Amelia both insist on doing everything for Teddy, and Amelia insists on not letting a very pregnant woman doing any heavy lifting. They’ve moved to the living room, sinking into the couches, exhausted from the emotion of the day

“Thank you having asking me to stay,” Jo starts, “I would have been much more miserable at home alone.” 

“It’s me who should be thanking you, both, I was dreading packing away all that food.” Teddy chuckles. 

“What is it with all the casserole, I remember Meredith saying the same thing when Derek died. She was drowning in widow casserole.” Amelia supplies. 

“Widow casserole!” Teddy exclaims with laughter. The laughter becomes infectious and Jo finds herself laughing along despite it not being all that funny. Jo’s laughter turns into a yawn as a wave of tiredness over comes her. 

“I think I’m gonna head to bed guys, Teddy are you sure it’s okay to use the guest room?” Jo asks, readying herself for rejection. “I can go get Luna-”

Teddy cuts her off quickly “Of course, its been a long day”

Jo notices a choke in Teddy’s voice but before she can register it as incoming tears, Teddy has started shedding them. Jo watches as Amelia pulls Teddy into her arms, she isn’t sure what to do but Amelia must see the indecision on her face because she nods toward the hall and Jo takes this as her permission to leave them. The last thing Jo hears as she rounds the corner is the sound of Amelia making low shushing noises.

Chapter 3: Amelia

Summary:

Things are warming up...

Chapter Three: Amelia

 

Amelia wakes to a sore feeling in her neck and back, she is momentarily disoriented. Doesn’t the sun usually come from the other side of the room? She notices a heavy weight on her chest and her inability to move far. Looking down she sees a sea of golden waves on her chest and abdomen. She remembers whispering words of comfort into that same soft mane the night before and holding Teddy close as she cried. They must have fallen asleep, exhaustion dragging them under the tide of grief and down onto the couch. Amelia doesn’t want to disturb the sleeping woman on her chest but she’s aware a horde of children are going to wake any moment. She begins by trying to lift her leg out from the one Teddy has draped across her, apparently she was not gentle enough and Teddy starts to rouse. 

“Teddy.” Amelia whispers giving her shoulder a little nudge

“Hmmm.” Is all the response Teddy offers before she shifts, clearly more awake now.

“Oh” Teddy says as she sits up slightly. 

Amelia is thinking of ways she can get out of this without any awkwardness. The fates however would not allow it. Teddy’s shift in position brings her right into Amelia’s eye line. Amelia hasn’t looked all that close to Teddy’s eyes before but as she sees them now, with a hint of morning sun lighting them, she notices faint brown flecks in Teddy’s otherwise sea green eyes. She doesn’t realise she has been staring until she sees those eye’s flick down and she can’t help that her reaction is to flick her eyes down to Teddy’s mouth in return. They both look back up and Amelia detects and hint of confusion in Teddy’s eyes, but there’s something else there as well, wonder maybe, whatever it is ebbs away and she sees it replaced with something that is definitely desire. Amelia has seen that look enough times to recognise it immediately. Before she can decide what to do about this discovery, a child cries and Jo comes around the corner breaking the spell. 

 

Grey Sloan Memorial

 

Amelia is restless as she waits for her coffee. The sky has cleared today making it tolerable to stand outside to get her caffeine fix. She needs it after this morning, despite her best efforts her mind keeps wandering back to the look in Teddy’s eyes. Amelia is aware that it is super inappropriate to have charged moments with your ex husbands widow. She obviously cares about Teddy, they’ve been family in some way since Teddy came back and stole her husband. Probably did her a favour Amelia thinks. That is exactly why she cannot have feelings bubble up unbidden, she has to find a way to push them down. As if in answer to her problem, Monica arrives at the coffee cart. Amelia notices she’s already in her scrubs. Must have been an early start. Monica sidles up next to her and places her order. 

“Hey, how was it yesterday? I mean not great obviously, I just mean….” Monica fumbles “I just mean how are you?”

“It was a lovely service. I’m doing okay, but everyone keeps treating me like I’m a secondary widow and it’s just not like that. I loved him, but we were family in the end, more like siblings than anything else.” Amelia sighs, she hadn’t meant to dump all her shit on Monica. “He was my friend and I’ll miss him.”

“I understand, well not exactly, but I understand losing friends. I truly am sorry.” Monica says sincerely. 

“It’s really Teddy I worry about. It can be overwhelming having so many people wanting to offer you support. Or maybe that’s just me. I’ve never been great at accepting help.” Amelia chuckles ruefully.

She had missed talking to Monica this last week, she’s so easy going, light, and it didn’t hurt that she was also beautiful. Amelia had been so busy helping with funeral arrangements and having Scout full time, she needs a break she thinks. Something to take her mind off it all for a while, perhaps Monica could be that thing. 

“Well you’re a really good friend to Teddy, she’s lucky to have you.” Monica says genuinely.

Amelia doesn’t want to think too hard about what happened with her ‘good friend’ this morning. 

“I don’t know about that, bad luck seems to follow me around,” Amelia replies sarcastically, “You might not want to get too close.” She’s teasing now, stepping a little closer to Monica. 

“No you’re right, I should probably maintain a 2 foot distance at all times.” Monica joins in on the joke, but also steps closer flashing Amelia a brilliant smile. The moment is interrupted by Monica’s phone, 911, she rushes off leaving her coffee and Amelia. She feels a little better now that she’s been distracted from her inner turmoil for the moment. She doesn’t want to think about how long that distraction is going to last, she is determined to bury whatever feelings came up this morning deep down, deep deep down. 

Chapter 4: Teddy

Summary:

A different perspective

Notes:

I have no idea about any surgery stuff, sorry if it sounds like made rubbish.

Chapter Four: Teddy

 

Teddy strides down the bright sterile corridors of Grey Sloan Memorial toward her office. She’s ready to sink herself back into work after the week off she’s had. The house is too empty without his overbearing energy, maybe she would have had this same feeling if she had had the chance to leave Owen properly she thinks. She can imagine herself in a nice house, rooms for the kids, everything organised the way she likes it. No beard hair in the sink, no Owen shaped presence loudly campaigning for her attention, just peace and quiet. Someway to choose herself for once, that’s what she’d said wasn’t it? That she needed to choose herself, to stop trying to bend into someone that Owen could love, to stop trying to bend into someone that would love him the way he wanted. She had imagined it that way because she had assumed she would be the one to have to leave the house, it was Owen’s first after all, Owen’s with Amelia - Shit. She wasn’t supposed to think about Amelia. She is not going to think about her cerulean blue eyes, nor the red flecks in her dark brown hair. She is absolutely not thinking about the pink of her lips or the softness of her voice. She had made a very explicit deal with herself in the car this morning, that she was not going to think about it. There was nothing to not think about anyway, nothing had happened and that was that. 

 

As soon as Teddy sets her tablet on her desk she is called down to the pit, some sort of consult and Dr Ndugu isn’t available. Heaving a sigh she moves through her spacious office to change into her scrubs and tie back her hair. Just another day at Grey Sloan. 

 

The pit is busy today with people moving at pace like ants around a colony. Teddy steps into Trauma 1 and stops short. She hadn’t looked that closely at who the page had come from. Amelia looks like a deer in headlights for a moment before she pulls on her professional mask and presents her patient. 

“Sandra Grey, 50 years old, presents with a head lac and broken rib after a two story fall. Unconscious on arrival, we need to get her up for a head CT but she keeps-”

“V-fib” Millen cuts in as the patient begins to code. 

“But she keeps coding.” Amelia yells in frustration as she calls for a crash cart. 

“Charge to 200” Amelia commands taking over the paddles. “Clear!”

Teddy can’t help but watch Amelia in her element, the hard lines of concentration on her face making her look all the more beautiful. No, nope, inappropriate.  

“Sinus rhythm” Millen provides. 

Millen will make a good surgeon one day Teddy thinks as she pulls her stethoscope from around her neck and begins to asses the patient now that they have her back. 

“Shepherd, we need to get her into the OR right now. I think her rib has punctured her lung, she’s going to code again if I don’t get in there.”

“And I need a head CT, it won’t matter if you fix her lung if she’s brain dead.” Amelia snaps.

“We don’t have time.” Teddy states matter of factly “We can stand here and argue about it or we can go to the OR and you can work on her there while I fix the lung.” 

“You want me to open her skull before knowing if she actually has a subdural haematoma.” Amelia says incredulously. Teddy can’t tell if she’s imagining it or if Amelia is being unusually stand offish. 

“Okay, we will stabilise her airways and go to CT, but the second, the second she codes again we go to the OR, scan or not.” Teddy states with chiefly authority. Amelia gives one short nod and starts to push the gurney toward the lift. They stare each other down, patient between them, the harsh white light of the lift exposing every expression to each other. Teddy looks questioningly at the woman across from her but is met with nothing but a hard stare back. Teddy pulls her eyes away to the patient below just as the lift dings letting them out of that stifling enclosed space. She only allows herself a moment to consider why Amelia is being terse with her, but ultimately brushes it off. She’s probably just tired and upset about Owen. Even though in that moment she had all the revelation she needed to understand Amelia’s behaviour, and her own. 

 

Three hours and one awkward surgery later, Teddy finally sits down to begin what will likely be the rest of her day. Reading emails and approving things. The managerial position suited her well, she had always been one for organisation, that’s what made her so good in her position at MedComm. She lets the monotony of paperwork distract her and keep her thoughts from wandering to a certain brunette as the sun sets and the sky turns dark in the window behind her. 

Chapter 5: Monica

Summary:

Monica throws a spanner in the works

Notes:

Thanks for the comments, I hope y'all are having half as much fun reading this as I am having writing it!

Chapter Five: Monica

 

The next morning is a rare, bright and beautiful day for Seattle and Monica takes a moment to appreciate it as she loads her patient into CT. Monica has been adjusting to Seattle nicely, if she does say so herself. Other than the weather, which is a far cry from the Texas heat, she feels good about the new life she is creating for herself here. Monica has been pleasantly surprised about the friends she’s made, the coffee shops she’s found and the job she’s secured. Now that her divorce has finalised she feels like she is able to close that chapter and look toward better things. Winston was a good distraction for a while but Monica knows there’s nothing long term there. Amelia however, she can see something there, something that scared her and made her reject Amelia’s offer to go out in the first place. Was that a mistake? No, Monica knows that at the time she couldn’t have said yes, Amelia means something real, something uncertain and she wasn’t ready for that. Now however… Well actually now she thinks, would not be an appropriate time to say ‘Hey you know how you asked me out and I said no, well I’m ready now’, what is the appropriate mourning time for your dead ex husband anyway? 

 

Monica is pulled from her internal musings by the scans appearing in front of her on the monitor. Damn. Her patient is only twelve and a tumour that big means he likely won’t see thirteen. She knows it’s cliche and ridiculous really, but in that moment, with the quiet hum of machines in the small viewing room, she realises probably for the hundredth time that life is short. 

 

Later That Day

 

Monica has resolved that when the opportunity next presents itself she is going to ask Amelia out. Right now apparently, she thinks as Amelia rounds the corner and joins her at the nurses station.

“I cannot wait for this day to be over.” Amelia huffs 

“Yeah same here, it’s been a rough one and it’s barely the afternoon.” Monica replies

“Did you have to tell a patient that they would never walk again?” Amelia sighs, obviously trying to vent

“No, but try telling a twelve year old that they won’t see their next birthday.” 

“Ooof you got me there, sorry is this too morbid?” Amelia winces as she asks. 

“No, well maybe, but sometimes it’s laugh or cry you know.” Monica offers trying to turn the conversation to something lighter. “If you did want to vent, I’m here to listen, or if you wanted to take your mind of things I’m here for that too.”

“Dr Beltran are you propositioning me?” Amelia teases slyly. Monica goes slightly red. 

“No, I mean not like that, just maybe that you would want to go out with me sometime…” Monica trails off hopefully. 

“I see, I do remember asking you something similar a few months ago.” Amelia is full on teasing now and Monica can understand her wanting to rub it in a little, she did reject Amelia first after all. A serious look passes over Amelia’s face as she asks, 

“What’s changed?”

“When you asked me before I wasn’t ready for something serious, and before you say it, I know that you didn’t ask for that but I would want something like that with you, and I knew that if I had said yes then, it would have ended in disaster cause I really wasn’t ready.” Monica rambles out 

“But you are ready now?” 

“I am ready now” Monica states emphatically. “So what do you say?”

Monica holds her breath and scans Amelia’s eye’s looking for some kind of indication as to what’s happening in her head. She can see some hesitation, but Amelia’s mouth ticks up at the corner and a beautiful smile stretches across her face. Amelia opens her mouth just as-

“Dr Shepherd.” Teddy calls out. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” Amelia mutters under her breath while flicking an apologetic look Monica’s way. Monica tries not to be disheartened, surely that smile meant yes. Right? She doesn’t know if she should hang around and wait for them to finish, or would that look too desperate? Maybe she should just excuse herself and catch up with Amelia later, that way she can lick her wounds in private if need be. Monica is about to do just that but can’t seem to find a break in their heated exchange to get a word in. 

“If you had followed procedure before like I told-” Teddy asserts.

“You agreed to the CT! You’re the chief, if you didn’t want to-” Amelia bites back.

“You didn’t give me much choice.” Teddy huffs and takes a deep breath. “Look all I’m asking you to do now is come do a follow up exam because I may need to open her chest again and I want to make sure she is neurologically sound before I do.”

“Well I have other patients, so I will come up when I can.” Amelia replies tersely. 

Now is her chance, Monica thinks, since they aren’t yelling anymore.

“Hey I’m just-” Monica starts.

“No Dr Shepherd, you will come up now because I am the chief of surgery and I asked you to.” Teddy says over Monica, leaving no room for argument. 

“Fine.” Is all Amelia says before she turns to Monica. “And yes, I would love to go out with you sometime, text me later.” Amelia smirks, actually smirks at her as she walks off past Teddy. Monica notices a strange look on Teddy’s face as she slowly turns and follows Amelia down the long corridor. Monica picks up her jaw from the floor and goes back to her rounds with an extra pep in her step. 

Chapter 6: Amelia

Summary:

Date night doesn't go as planned.

Chapter Six: Amelia

 

The beautiful day had given way to a cool night as Amelia walks toward Joe’s. She is meeting Monica and of course, she is running a little late. Ah well, probably better she knows now. She didn’t see any reason to make Monica think she was a punctual person outside of her job. Amelia had been pleasantly surprised earlier when Monica asked her out, she had wondered if the lingering spark between them was only felt by her. She was very glad to have an answer now. Amelia hadn’t missed the look on Teddy’s face when she’d accepted Monica’s date in front of her. Teddy’s wonderfully expressive face had gone from shock, to anger, to hurt and settled on hard right in front of Amelia’s eyes. If she didn’t know Teddy so well she might’ve missed it.  She did feel a touch guilty though, she wasn’t trying to use Monica as a means to send Teddy a message, but two birds one stone and all. She needed distance from Teddy, whatever force or tension was rising between threatened to pull her under. She’d felt this way once before about the tall, stunning and completely off limits blonde but she had managed to suffocate it under the weight of another relationship. Not that Amelia hadn’t loved Link, but she knew as well as anyone that love is a complicated thing that can ebb and flow.  

 

As Joe’s comes into view with the full moon high in the sky above it, Amelia is shaken from her thoughts. She’s here exactly for this reason, to get her mind off things and get to know Monica better. She remembers why she is excited about her date with the paeds surgeon, she is smart, funny and beautiful. Not to mention she’s someone who didn’t know everything about Amelia already, someone who didn’t have old versions of her living in their heads colouring how they see her now. She comes through the door and sees Monica in a booth waiting for her. The lighting is low, the music not too loud and people are laughing, eating and dancing. As Amelia walks over, the other brunette smiles up at her, this is going to be a great night, she can feel it in the air already. 

“Sorry I’m late. It will happen again.” Amelia goes for self deprecating, as a matter of reflex. 

“You’re fine,” Monica says warmly. “I can go up and get us some drinks to start, if you know what you want?”   

“Yeah so, about that, I don’t drink. There’s a whole story-”

“That you absolutely do not have to tell me. Just a soda then?” 

“Yeah, that’s great thanks.” Amelia replies and she watches Monica’s short curls bounce as she makes her way through the small crowd to the bar. 

Amelia has no problem talking about her relationship with sobriety, but she would also rather not talk about it on the first date, especially since the other woman clearly had no problem with her not drinking. A blonde flash catches Amelia’s eye at the other end of the bar. Oh shit. Half hanging off her stool, half wrapped over some semi attractive but ultimately generic looking man, is Teddy. Amelia observes her for a moment, while she has obviously been drinking, she doesn’t look like she’s in trouble and Amelia decides she doesn’t need to interfere. Yet. Monica returns to the table with two drinks for them, both non alcoholic Amelia notices. Her attention is drawn back to the woman she is actually here to see and they begin the soft probative questions that transition them from co-workers coming off a shift, to two adults on a date. 

 

They have been chatting over burgers and fries, Amelia has laughed so much her face is beginning to hurt. She can see a great friendship forming between the two of them, isn’t that the foundation of good relationships? Amelia has ended up in so many relationships by way of circumstances and she really wants to be able to make the conscious choice to start her next one. Like it had been with Kai. Amelia had processed that breakup and while she still has fondness in her heart for the scientist halfway across the world, she knew they were better off. Kai had opened her up in a way she had never expected and taught her so much about herself, for which she will always be grateful. 

“Hey, where’d you go?” Monica asks softly.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about relationships.” Amelia says

“Oh, I-”

“Wait no I didn’t mean that in a serious way, just that I want to be able to build my next relationship on a foundation of friendship, I want to take it slow and be able to decide that it’s what I want, not just fall into it. If that makes sense.” Amelia rambles “Oh god just ignore me, sorry I didn’t mean to get all heavy.” 

“No no you’re fine, it’s probably good to have this chat and make sure we’re on the same page. I’m good with slow.” Monica reassures.

“Okay, good, well now I feel slightly less embarrassed.” Amelia chuckles, blushing brightly. 

“I like that you speak what’s on your mind, it’s refreshing.” 

“Yeah until I say something stupid like I was thinking about my exes in the middle of a date.” Amelia rolls her eyes at herself. Why can’t she control her mouth. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and then maybe I could walk you to your car?” 

“Perfect.” Monica replies as Amelia gets up. 

Amelia does actually need to use the bathroom, and if it also gives her an opportunity to check on Teddy, then that’s just a coincidence. She spots the blonde, clearly a few more drinks down than before and entertaining someone new. Teddy tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and bats her eyes at the woman sitting in the bar stool next to her. The lighting is low but Amelia swears the woman Teddy is shamelessly flirting with kind of looks like, well, her. No she’s probably reading too much into it. The bathroom gives her a small moment of reprieve. She has had such a wonderful night with Monica but she can’t help feeling something at seeing Teddy batting her eyes at some woman. It’s because she cares, and she doesn’t want to see her friend get taken advantage of in a vulnerable state. That must be it. It definitely isn’t getting under her skin that the woman is also a short brunette, lots of people have brown hair for gods sake, she knows she’s being ridiculous. She flushes the toilet and exits the cubicle, taking a deep breath she decides she is going to walk out there straight past Teddy at the bar and leave with her date. But alas, as she opens the door she catches sight of Teddy leaning on the bar to kiss the woman she’s been flirting with, her elbow slips out from under her and Teddy loses balance on her stool. Amelia takes a few quick strides and catches Teddy’s arm to prevent her from falling completely on her ass. 

“Get the fuck-.” Teddy starts, yanking her arm back, but upon seeing it’s Amelia she looks down sheepishly. “Oh, it’s you.” 

“Yes it’s me, and it’s time to go.” Amelia snaps. 

Monica must have caught sight of the commotion because Amelia can see her coming towards them now. 

“I’m not leaving, I’m staying here with my new friend.” Teddy slurs while sliding a sly smile at the woman next to her.

“Um, actually, it was nice to meet you but I need to get going.” The woman replies, making quick work of getting the hell out of there. Amelia gets a proper look at the woman and she is rather pretty, but doesn’t look that much like her. 

“Well that’s just great.” Teddy says sardonically.

“Alright up you get, I’m taking you home.” Amelia goes to reach for her arm again but again Teddy wrenches it back. 

“I can get myself home thank you.” In the movement of pulling her arm away from Amelia Teddy loses her balance again and this time does slip from her seat. Amelia reflexively reaches out and wraps an arm around Teddy’s slender waist. Teddy seems to visibly resign in Amelia’s arms. 

She rests her blonde head on Amelia’s shoulder and whispers “Okay, just take me home.” 

Amelia hears this and turns to check if Monica has too, she doesn’t seem annoyed by the turn of events, she just looks empathetically at Amelia before moving to the other side of Teddy and helping Amelia manoeuvre the drunk woman. 

 

“I’m sorry our night ended like this.” Amelia says after shutting the passenger door with Teddy inside the car. The night is cool and Amelia can see her breath slightly. 

“I had a great time Amelia, I hope you get her home alright. Your loyalty to your friends is another thing I admire about you, you know.” Monica says flashing her a smile. 

“So, can we do this again sometime?” Amelia asks hopefully.

“Yeah I’d love that. Text me later.” Monica walks away toward her own car, looking back once at Amelia. Amelia waits until she see’s the other brunette get to her car before she gets in the drier side of her own. Teddy has her eyes closed and head resting against the window. Amelia sighs and turns the ignition.

Chapter 7: Teddy

Summary:

Teddy gets home with a little help.

 

Chapter Seven: Teddy

 

Teddy is jostled awake, she takes a minute to orient herself. She is clearly in a car, and yes that is her driveway they’ve just pulled into, and yes that is Amelia in the drivers seat. Fuck, was she really that drunk? The last thing she properly remembers is watching Amelia laugh at something Dr Beltran had said as they sat in a booth together on the other side of the bar. Teddy hadn’t meant to get that drunk but she’d had a stressful day and just wanted to unwind with a drink before heading home. Owen’s mum had taken the kids for a few nights, the excuse was so Teddy could settle back into work but Teddy knew she just wanted to feel close to Owen through his children. So it didn’t really matter when one drink had turned into two, and it wasn’t such a big deal to let a moderately handsome man buy her a third. When Amelia strode into Joe’s, Teddy’s breath had stalled in her lungs. Amelia was always beautiful but when she was dressing to impress, well, she impressed. Teddy had quickly lost interest in the moderately handsome but painfully boring man and had switched her attention to a very pretty brunette who was clearly there to let off some steam as well. That’s where her memory gets a little fuzzy. She remembers a searing hot jealously spike through her at seeing Amelia blushing at the paeds surgeon. Then flashes of that same surgeon grabbing her arm. Another flash and Amelia’s hair is under her nose as she’s being buckled in. God she smells good, is the last concrete thought Teddy had before she fell asleep against the window. 

 

“Amelia?” Teddy asks, still slightly disoriented.

“Teddy,” Amelia sighs, “I don’t have anything nice to say right now, so can you just let me help you inside.” 

“Okay.” Teddy wants to say thank you but she is scared of disrupting the fragile air between them. She can feel the anger radiating off of Amelia, but at least she isn’t being yelled at. Better to keep the peace right now and maybe they can talk about it tomorrow. Or maybe Amelia won’t want to talk to her ever again, after she all but ruined her date. 

Amelia comes round the passenger side and opens the door for Teddy, she’s a little unstable on her feet but dismisses Amelia’s offered arm. 

“It’s okay, I got it.” Teddy whispers, still being wary of breaking their truce. 

They walk up to the steps and Teddy goes to reach for her bag, which obviously is not on her shoulder, before she can panic though, she sees Amelia holding her bag and producing her keys. Amelia enters first and heads straight to the kitchen. Teddy stands in her own living room unsure what to do, the only light source is coming from the kitchen and casting shadows through the open plan space, it feels like even turning another light on will shatter the delicate silence between them. Amelia appears in front of Teddy and holds a glass of water out to her, Teddy takes the glass with one hand and feels her other hand being pulled by Amelia toward her bedroom. Amelia flicks on the bedside lamp and sits Teddy on the side of the bed. 

“Do you need anything else before I go?” Amelia asks, not unkindly but in a way that lets Teddy know that her generosity does have limits. 

“I think I’m still drunk.” Teddy says and she must sound as spaced out as she feels, because suddenly Amelia is in front of her again taking the glass and setting it on the side table. 

“Teddy look at me.” Amelia commands. Teddy looks up at Amelia tears glistening in her eyes. What the fuck is wrong with her? Why is she crying? She doesn’t understand what’s come over her, she’s clearly still drunk and something about the soft look in Amelia’s eyes now cracks her open. She leans her head forward and lets the tears flow. Amelia’s arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her head into Amelia’s torso. Teddy doesn’t know how long she’s cried for but she feels Amelia’s hands tilt her jaw up to meet those soft blue eyes once more. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened tonight? I am not happy about how unsafe you were being, I’m also not happy that my date ended that way. But I am not mad at you and I want you to tell me things, if you want to.” Amelia says, her voice softer than Teddy has heard it all day. 

“I, I don’t know.” Teddy heaves another sob.

“Okay, it’s okay.” 

Teddy watches as Amelia kneels down in front of her. Is she dreaming? Amelia slowly takes off Teddy’s shoes for her and then stands and goes to the wardrobe, pulling out something that looks like pyjamas and handing them to Teddy. Teddy goes to stand and wobbles a little. Again Amelia instinctually reaches out and this time Teddy lets her, uses Amelia’s arm to steady herself. She brushes her hair to the side and gestures her head to the back of her dress.

“Could you….” Teddy trails off, she knows she could probably get the zipper herself, but she’s exhausted and selfishly she just wants Amelia close for a little longer. Amelia says nothing but steps close to Teddy’s back and drags the zipper down. Teddy can feel the slight trail of Amelia’s finger tips down her spine and fails to suppress a shiver. She feels the absence of Amelia’s breath on the back of her neck and knows the woman has stepped back. 

Amelia clears her throat. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

“Wait!” Teddy pleads “Please don’t go, I’ll change in there” she gestures to the ensuite “Please? I’m not ready to be alone yet.” 

Amelia just nods and perches on the edge of the bed. 

When Teddy comes out fresh faced and changed, she sees Amelia stand from the bed and pull back the covers on one side like she means to tuck Teddy in, she’s in no position to argue so allows herself to be looked after. 

“I’m sorry if I ruined your date, you looked like you were having a lovely time.” Teddy says sincerely, she really does want her friend to be happy, the temporary triumph she felt earlier at getting Amelia’s attention now swiftly turns to guilt. 

“You didn’t, we had a great time actually and we’re going to do it again.”

“Oh that’s great,” Teddy’s voice cracks “Really Amelia, I’m so happy for you.” She wouldn’t let the tears come again, looking up to the ceiling trying to stop the welling feeling behind her eyes. 

“I’m such an idiot,” Amelia mutters, “is that what tonight was about? You miss Owen?” Amelia asks, genuinely trying to understand. 

“It’s just,” Teddy sighs, “being alone was supposed to be freeing, not, not like this.” Teddy says, and it’s not really the whole truth but it’s a part of it. Teddy had been widowed once before and it shattered her heart. Of the range of devastating emotions she had felt over Henry, she hadn’t felt the kind of guilt she feels now. She was with Henry till the end. She loved him and it was the last thing he was sure of before he died. Owen had died knowing she wanted to leave him. She would still make the same choice again she knows, but it doesn’t make it feel less like a stone in her stomach. 

 

It’s easier to let Amelia think tonight is about Owen and not the white hot jealously she was feeling earlier today. Teddy yawns and can feel sleep pulling at the edges of her vision. 

“I should go and let you sleep.” Amelia says motioning to leave.

Teddy catches her hand and looks pleadingly at her, Amelia’s face cast in the warm light of the table lamp. She can’t bring herself to ask Amelia to stay, to hold her as she had a couple of nights before. Something in her watery eyes must have said it for her though because Amelia scoots onto the bed next to Teddy and pulls her into her arms exactly how Teddy needs her to. Teddy is lulled to sleep by fingers stroking through her hair and the smell of Amelia surrounding her.   

Chapter 8: Jo

Summary:

Jo suggests a play date.

Notes:

The next few are going to be a little shorter, bouncing between perspectives a bit more but I'm hoping to get one posted every other day. Enjoy!

Chapter Eight: Jo

 

Jo wakes up in a bed that is too big for one person, to her awfully early alarm and immediately has to start wrangling children. She has Scout this morning. Amelia was supposed to pick him up after her date but had text Jo asking her to keep him for the night. Jo hoped that meant the date had gone well, and she was happy to have company for Luna, two together could distract each other while she cooked. Jo is reminded this morning that two can also gang up on you and make getting them ready extra painful. 

 

Soon though she is pulling into her park at the hospital, kids dropped off and ready to start her morning. She is determined to work until it’s time for the twins to come. Jo has always seen herself as strong, capable, she’s not going to let being pregnant stop her from being a badass surgeon. She’s certainly not going to let baby faced residents treat her like she can’t do her job. She knows she should maybe let herself rest a little but she’s never been good at accepting help from others, especially when it might make her look weak. Except the other night with Teddy and Amelia, she had not thought she was weak in front of them. Jo had felt supported by the two women, she hadn’t really had any proper female friends since Edwards. God that’s depressing, she thinks as she makes the decision that today she’s going to make an effort to foster these friendships. Maybe she’ll suggest a play date for the kids, that way she can seem less desperate for adult company. Jo begins her rounds hoping that today will bring her something to look forward to. 

 

ICU

 

Jo gets a break in her day and steals a moment to go sit with Link. She hates seeing him like this, a tube coming out of his throat, wires hooked up to him, harsh hospital lighting making the pallor of his skin grey. He looks so small in the narrow hospital bed. Link has such a big presence that it’s unsettling seeing him reduced to a patient again. Jo knows he spent so much of his childhood in and out of hospital, he would hate to know he’s in this position again. It’s something they understand about each other, the need for others to see them as strong. Jo is not one for prayer but she’s feeling very tempted right now. She reaches over to stroke his hair and hears the door slide open behind her. 

“Hey,” Amelia says softly “I just came to check on him but I can go…” 

“No no, not at all, I’m sure he’d appreciate knowing people are coming to see him.” Jo says keeping her voice low. Something in her head prompting her not to be too loud, as if Link is merely sleeping. “Actually, I wanted to find you today.” She says as she slides the door open.

“Oh?” Amelia replies questioningly, while following Jo out of Links room. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah it’s fine, I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to do a play date some time? You know, with the kids.” Jo asks, trying to be casual.

“Yeah, sure.”

“It’s just that I had such a good time the other night,” Jo rambles, why does it sound like she’s asking Amelia out? “Sorry, it sounds like I’m trying to ask you out,” Out loud! Really. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud, it was just just to be with other adults-”

“Jo,” Amelia says as she grabs Jo’s arm “I said yes.”

“Right, yeah. Cool.” Jo says, dragging out the ‘o’. “I was gonna ask Teddy too.”

“Oh” Amelia says, her voice tight and high. “Yeah, that’s a great idea, just um text me when and where.” 

“Okay, I’ll ask her when I see her, but if you see her first then you can just ask her.” Jo says excitedly. 

“Yeah, yeap, I will absolutely do that.” Amelia replies shuffling awkwardly. “So, I better go round, patients, you know. But yeah text me about details.” 

Jo watches Amelia scurry away and notes her odd behaviour. Amelia is always a little odd, it’s part of her quirk and charm, but even this seems weird to Jo. Amelia had seemed sincere when Jo first asked her but as soon as she mentioned extending the invitation to Teddy, Amelia had gotten cagey. Jo brushes it off and takes one last look at Link through the glass before getting back to work. 

 

That Night

 

Jo pulls out her phone as she waits for the elevator, she’s going to have to text Teddy since she hasn’t seen her today. The elevator dings open and Jo is saved from having to type and retype out a message because the blonde Chief of Surgery is standing in the elevator, also with a phone in her hand. 

“Hey Jo.” Teddy says warmly “How you doing?”

“Ready to crawl into bed after today,” Jo sighs. “I was actually about to text you, I was thinking we could do a play date some time soon?” Jo is calmer about asking this time, having the confidence of already secured attendance.

“Yeah, that sounds great. How’s Saturday? I’ll have the kids back from Owen’s mom by then.” Teddy replies.

“Saturday works for me, I’ll text Amelia and ask if she’s free too.” Jo says pulling her phone back out. 

“Oh, Amelia’s coming?” Teddy asks

“Yeah… is that okay?” Jo asks because she can hear the same tightness in Teddy’s voice as she had in Amelia’s earlier.

“Yeah, no, of course, it’s fine, it’s great actually.” Teddy fires rapidly.

“Okay…..” Jo says giving Teddy a side eye. “Is something going on with you two?”

“No, not at all,” the elevator dings open again “Well this is me.” Teddy rushes out. Jo steps out of the elevator and watches another woman scurry away from her. 

“Yeah this is me too.” She says to no one. Clearly this female friends thing needs some work.  

Chapter 9: Amelia

Summary:

Amelia tries to flirt her way out of inner turmoil.

Notes:

Just a short one for today, but there will be another one tomorrow.

Chapter Nine: Amelia

 

Amelia walks out of the OR on Friday morning stressed and tired, she’s already had to clip two aneurysms and it isn’t even midday. None of her stress is due to the upcoming play date tomorrow, none at all. She is looking forward to it actually, she and Teddy didn’t need to talk about the other night, if she kept saying it in her head then it would become true. They hadn’t, talked about that is, Amelia had been avoiding the tall woman since that night. She had allowed herself the indulgence of sleeping with Teddy wrapped around her once more. She couldn’t pull away, knowing it was her last chance to feel the sense of warmth she did with Teddy’s golden locks spread across her chest. Her eyes traced the sharp lines of Teddy’s cheekbones, down to the point of her nose and finally settling on the curve of her lips, she couldn’t let the indulgence go too far but she could allow herself this tiny moment of fantasy. Amelia closed her eyes and let herself be lulled to sleep by the soothing rhythmic breathing of her friend? Boss? Ex husbands widow. The magnetic pull she feels toward this woman is getting stronger each day but she just has to keep reminding herself why Teddy is completely off limits. She should be focused on Monica, they had a great date the other night, everything is easy with her and Amelia thinks she deserves easy after her dating history. 

 

Amelia catches sight of Monica’s profile through a glass door, CT, perfect, she thinks as she starts to formulate a plan to put the threat of Teddy to bed once and for all. Threat? She really needs to get a grip. Amelia slides through the door and comes to stand behind the other woman. 

“Dr Beltran” Amelia says slyly 

“Dr Shepherd.” 

“Anything interesting?” Amelia asks putting a hand on the desk and leaning down to look at the scans. She purposely positions herself to be close enough to the surgeon to brush against her shoulder but not so close that it would be inappropriate. She can see Monica out of the corner of her eye, enough to know the other surgeon is looking at her but she remains staring straight ahead at the scans. 

“Wow that is an impressive tumour, are you calling in a general surgeon for the kidney?” Amelia asks, not really caring about the answer, but using the question as an excuse to turn her head and be dangerously close to the other brunettes face. Monica doesn’t pull away though, instead leaning slightly closer to Amelia. 

“I think I can handle one tumour myself.” Monica replies with a smirk, knowing that Amelia isn’t really here to ask about her patient. 

“I’m sure you can, you’re very capable.” Amelia lets her eyes linger on Monica’s face and then abruptly stands up, leaving the other woman flustered. She stops at the door and turns back.

“Hey are you doing anything on Sunday?” Amelia asks.

“No, no plans.” Monica replies.

“Maybe you could have plans then, with me?”

“Yeah I’d love that.” 

“Good, I’ll text you some details.” Amelia offers as an idea comes to mind. “Hey how do you feel about drag?”

“Sounds fun to me!” Monica says enthusiastically.

“Good.” Is all Amelia says as she smiles and slides back into the hallway. She feels calmer now that she has a date planned. If she can just focus on the good things in front of her then she won’t descend into the madness that blonde hair and pretty green eyes can cause. 

 

The Next Morning

 

Amelia doesn’t know what to wear this morning, it’s just a play date, nothing special, but she also doesn’t want to show up in sweat pants. What says ‘I know we haven’t talked since you fell asleep in my arms, again, but it’s no big deal’. Maybe jeans and a nice jumper, casual but still nice. She feels confident she can get through today without getting drawn into the whirlpool of Teddy’s golden mane, the brown flecks in otherwise olive eyes, the pink of her lips. No. Jo will be a buffer and the kids will have fun, that’s what today is about anyway. The kids. Steeling herself, Amelia sets about getting Scout ready to go. 

Chapter 10: Teddy

Summary:

The play date begins.

Notes:

Sorry, just a little short one again. I'm jumping perspectives a lot through this playdate so they will be a bit shorter but I'll try put one up every day. Enjoy!

Chapter Ten: Teddy

 

Teddy is rushing around the house, frantically cleaning. Well not cleaning because they- she has a woman who comes to clean on Thursdays, but frantically moving things around to try to settle her nerves. She hasn’t seen or spoken to Amelia since that night. She remembers falling asleep but when she woke the brunette was no longer there. The side of the bed Amelia had slipped into was still warm and the other pillow had a dip in it so she assumed Amelia had only just left. Teddy was a little disappointed to wake up alone but she understood why Amelia must have slipped out, she obviously didn’t want a repeat of the other morning. Teddy feels drawn to the other woman, and finds herself quite powerless to stop it, and if she is really honest with herself, she doesn’t want to. 

 

Teddy gets started on making a cheese board and setting up an area outside for them and the children. Teddy is simultaneously glad that Jo will be able to act as a buffer today, but also disappointed to not be able to speak to Amelia alone. She wants to thank the brunette for her kindness and patience the other night, and the night of Owen’s funeral too. She also has questions like, why sleep next to her? Where is the push and pull coming from? Teddy has gone round and round in her mind trying to decipher Amelia, first they fall asleep on the couch together, then when they wake up they have a moment? God, is she a teenage girl? Moment, really? Then Amelia is short and terse with her at work, then she goes on a date with a bubbly paeds surgeon, then she’s sleeping in Teddy’s bed, then she’s avoiding her. Teddy can’t make heads of tails of it, maybe she freaked the other woman out but she wants to try to reassure her that they’re friends and that she’s happy for her and Dr Beltran. Amelia shouldn’t stop living her life just because Teddy’s been widowed, again. And maybe that’s it, maybe Amelia just doesn’t want to rub her happiness in her face, but Teddy needs her friend, whatever else she may be feeling toward the small brunette doesn’t matter, she doesn’t want to lose their friendship and she is determined that today she will get to the bottom of it and set things right. 

 

There’s a knock at the door, startling her from her reverie, despite the plans she has just made in her head she isn’t actually ready to have the conversation right now. She goes to the door trying to think of something not painfully awkward to say, but is saved from the need when the door reveals Jo behind it. Thank God.

 

“Hi Jo, hi Luna,” Teddy says, opening the door to let them in. 

“Hey, thanks so much for having us!” Jo puts Luna down and shuffles through the door.

“Leo and Allison are just outside, I was thinking we could join them out there.” Teddy says indicating through the side doors and out to the spacious yard. 

“Yeah that sounds great, it’s so nice that you have this outdoor space, sometimes the apartment can feel so cramped. We might have to buy a place when these two come.” Jo says while rubbing her very pregnant belly. “Or I’ll have to buy a place, maybe” 

“No, you can’t think like that, Link will wake up and you guys will have a giant house full of beautiful children.” Teddy says sincerely. 

“Yeah, sorry, no doom and gloom today.” Jo says trying to perk up. “Do you need a hand with anything?”

“You don’t need to apologise, if you need to talk then I’m happy to listen.” Teddy says while moving toward the kitchen island. “Could you grab the board and I’ll get the drinks.”

 

Jo and Teddy set up at the table outside, it isn’t the sunniest of days but it’s fine enough to sit outside, and kids don’t seem to notice the cold anyway. Teddy lays out the cheese board and sets 3 glasses out for the iced tea she’s bought. No point in drinking wine if she’s the only one who can drink it anyway. Though she could use a glass to settle her nerves, Amelia would surely be there any moment. 

Chapter 11: Jo

Summary:

Amelia arrives, the play date continues and secrets are shared.

Notes:

I miss the old Jo so I'm trying to give her back some of her spark.

Chapter Eleven: Jo

 

Jo can sense some nerves coming off the Chief, she’s fussing over a cheese board that seems perfectly fine, she wont sit down, continually asking Jo if she needs anything, a blanket as it’s a little chilly out, a cushion for her back, which Jo actually does accept. 

“You can sit down, you know Amelia is always a little late.” Jo offers with a chuckle.

“Yeah you’re right.” Teddy takes a breath and sits down. “Do you think the kids need anything?” Teddy asks as she goes to stand again. 

“They’re fine, look at them they’re having a great time.” Jo points out, looking over to see them happily playing with their toys. If you count playing as taking different objects and pretending to smash them into other objects. Then another knock comes through the open side door. 

“I’ll get it.” Teddy says shooting out of her chair. 

Jo watches Teddy go to the front door, still trying to decipher the weird energy she was getting from the blonde, maybe it’s just tiredness from sleeping alone? She knew she was feeling exhausted from the sudden absence of Link. No one to share the load, no one to curl up with at the end of a long day. Jo feels a real shot of empathy for Teddy and makes a note to herself to check in more. Amelia and Teddy come back outside and Jo notes a tight stiffness between the two. Something was definitely going on. Maybe they’ve had a fight?

“Wow, this looks great, thanks Teddy.” Amelia says awkwardly as she takes her seat. Teddy immediately starts playing hostess. 

“Is it enough as a light lunch?” Teddy asks 

“It’s fine, I fed Scout before we came.”

“Yeah I fed Luna too, and I brought snacks for them if they get hungry later. Kids I swear are bottomless pits!” Jo laughs trying to move the topic to lighter ground.

“How’s Link?” Amelia asks. 

Aaaaand there goes the light topics.

“Better actually, well maybe not but they expect him to wake up any day now. His neuro scans all look good, well I guess you know that.” Jo replies. She wasn’t really eager to continue thoughts of it, she had said no doom and gloom and she meant it. If she lets herself dwell too much she’s overcome by anger. Anger at the injustice of it all, she wishes she could get a little closer to the version of herself that would have thrown things at the wall to release the anger somewhere, but she can’t do that now, she’s a mum and having Luna and now the twins has permanently softened her. Where she used to be a fortress she now has fissures. Perhaps that’s why she feels so grateful to be here with Teddy and Amelia, to help lessen the sting of loneliness, even if they are acting a little weird. 

“Yeah I have been keeping an eye on him as well. There’s no reason to think he won’t wake up in the couple of days.” Amelia says encouragingly.

“Yeah I hope so, but what about you? How’s things with Dr Beltran?” Jo drops her voice to add, “When you didn’t come to get Scout the other night, I assumed they must be going well. Very well.”

Jo sees Amelia’s eyes dart toward the other woman across the table, who has been uncharacteristically quiet since Amelia arrived. She follows with her eyes and sees Teddy’s face looking confused but also, is she blushing?

“Yeah things are going great actually, we have another date tomorrow.” Amelia says matter of factly. Again Amelia’s eyes dart across the table. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be bragging about my love life with you guys.”

Teddy finally speaks, “No, please, you shouldn’t be afraid to be happy or to share that just because other people are having a hard time. It’s good to see you happy, you deserve it, really Amelia.” 

“Can we please just pretend we’re three mums, hanging out on a Saturday afternoon and watching our kids?” Jo asks hoping she can set the mood right for the rest of the day.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” Teddy offers cheerfully and then she pours them all and ice tea. 

They sit around chatting lightly, eating drinking and laughing, trading work stories from the last week, talking about the kids until Teddy, quite out of the blue, blurts out, 

“I left Owen.”

Chapter 12: Amelia

Summary:

Teddy tells her story and Amelia has a change in perspective.

Chapter Twelve: Amelia 

 

Amelia’s attention is quickly captured by the admission. She left Owen? Now she has so many more questions,  Why, that morning, why? Why the other night? Was she feeling the same magnetic attraction? None of these she could voice though, she hopes Jo will pick up the baton for both of them. 

“What?” Jo asks incredulously.

Oh thank God.

“Before he died, well the night he died. I told him I didn’t want to choose him anymore.” Teddy’s voice cracks and Amelia can see her beautiful green eyes shining as she looks to the sky to stop herself from crying. “I told him that I always thought being without him was impossible, but maybe that was due to a failure of imagination on my part. I- I-” Teddy chokes on a sob as the tears roll down her cheeks, “I did something impossible that night, and I still lost, more than I imagined I would.” 

“Teddy I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say. Where, where did this all come from?” Jo asks tentatively. 

“It’s, god it’s a long story.” Teddy laughs cries, then just cries.

While Amelia is shocked by the initial outburst, she isn’t entirely surprised that things got that bad. She knew some things from Owen, their distance, their miscommunications but also how he loved his wife and wanted it to work. Though Amelia suspects some of that may have been due to stubbornness and not wanting to have another failed marriage. She’s often thought that Owen didn’t see his wife, he hadn’t seen her either, not truly, not outside of himself. Amelia reaches across the small wooden table and takes Teddy’s hand. When green eyes look up to meet blue ones, it’s the first time all day Amelia has allowed full eye contact between them. The grief and guilt she sees in those shimmering eyes knocks the wind right out of her. God she’s pretty when she cries. Wait is that weird?

“We have time to listen.” Amelia says squeezing the hand in hers. 

Teddy lays out the whole story, Cass kissing her, telling Owen, the fighting, the therapy, the open marriage, Cass again, Nora, the surgery and the final straw. Amelia listens with rapt attention, bits of the story she already knew, other parts making her jaw drop and other parts making her cheeks burn. Jo gasps and makes the appropriate comments in the right places. Amelia find herself lost for words though. It helps explain some of Teddy’s behaviour over the last two weeks but it doesn’t answer any of her questions. Amelia feels a little slighted that Owen hadn’t told her how far things had gotten, she knew they were in therapy but open marriage. He had always come to her before, whether invited or not, for support when it came to Teddy, hell she sent him to her in the first place. Amelia goes through a rollercoaster of emotions as Teddy tells her story but the one that she settles on is jealously. She knows it’s completely unfair but her perspective has shifted in the last 30 minutes and Teddy has gone from completely off limits to apparently available to other people, other women in fact. Okay, that’s not strictly true. But she can’t help but think that if Teddy did want to leave Owen before then things weren’t so black and white as she thought they were. Wait shit. Amelia realises that she is now the one who’s off limits, she and Monica haven’t talked about labels or exclusivity yet but she knows it’s not a casual fling. Amelia feels like two sides of her are pulling in different directions and if she’s not careful she’ll part like the ocean, leaving nothing but carnage in her wake. 

“That is a lot for one person, I’d be on the floor right now if I were you.” Jo says sympathetically. 

“I don’t have time to be on the floor, I have two kids and a hospital to run.” Teddy sighs, all her tears dried up now. 

“Well you can certainly take tonight off and let us-” Amelia looks pointedly at the very round Jo, “-me help.”

“Thank you, I was actually thinking we could make homemade pizzas with the kids, if you guys wanted to stay for dinner?” Teddy asks.

“Count me in.” Jo replies firmly.

“Yeah we’ll stay.” Amelia says more softly.

 

They stay outside a little longer until the wind picks up and the air gets cool, sending them all inside to seek shelter. 

Chapter 13: Teddy

Summary:

Things heat up.

Notes:

The slow burn is heating up I swear!

Chapter Thirteen: Teddy

 

Teddy gathers the ingredients together on the counter, and the three women begin teaching the kids how to make dough. Jo sits on the other side of the island to rest her feet but still points out instructions and joins in the fun. Amelia and Teddy walk the kids through the basic steps and they love kneading the dough and pouring flour on the bench. Teddy hasn’t felt so content since, well she can’t remember, but a long time. She sneaks a glance at Amelia and sees a carefree smile adorning her beautiful face, laughter reaching the corners of her eyes. Very soon everyone is covered in flour and the pizzas are topped and ready to go in the oven. The kids are all laughing and having fun, until Leo accidentally flicks some flour up into Teddy’s face. She is momentarily shocked at the flour getting inside her mouth, making her splutter, but as her son looks up at her like he’s done something wrong Teddy feels a wicked idea brewing. She sticks her hand in the bag of flour and flicks it back at him laughing. It descends into all out flour war. Flour is being flicked and tossed as mothers chase their children around the kitchen, Jo gets hit with a few rouge handfuls, and Teddy is delighted hearing the squeals and joy coming out of the kitchen. The kids have decided to form a team, all huddled behind Jo on the other side of the counter, leaving she and Amelia standing together trying to formulate a plan of attack. 

“You go left and I’ll go right?” Amelia asks in a whisper.

“We could do that, or….” Teddy trails off as she throws a handful of flour straight at Amelia. 

“Oh, that’s how you want to play it, you’re on!” Amelia returns fire with her own handful of flour and soon they’re back at it, the kids using the distraction to gain the advantage. Soon the sides have switched and Teddy ends up backed into the corner cupboards. Amelia and a pack of children all stalking toward her each armed with a handful of flour.

“Okay, okay, I surrender!” Teddy pleads, holding out her hands in supplication. Amelia only stalks closer though. When the shorter woman is only a foot away from her, Teddy feels a shift in the air, Amelia is wearing a mischievous grin and Teddy can’t tell what the twinkle in her eyes means. One more step and Amelia is right in her face, holding her fist up in the air as if she means to dump the flour right on Teddy’s head. Teddy can’t help but examine the shorter woman’s face while it’s the close to her, she has dustings of flour all over her face, in the fringes of her hair, the tip of her nose, her mouth- Shit. Now she’s staring down at Amelia’s flour pale lips, flicking her eye’s back up, she is startled at the intense stare looking back at her. Her heart starts to pound, skin prickling with heat, her stomach coiling under the intensity. 

“I surrender.” Teddy says again quietly while keeping her eye’s locked with the woman looking up at her through long lashes. Amelia opens her hand and unceremoniously dumps flour right on top of Teddy’s head. 

“Okay, I think it’s time to clean up and get these pizza’s in the oven!” Jo pipes up, putting a stop to what might have been a third round. Teddy concedes that it’s probably a good idea. 

“Why don’t I take these guys to get cleaned up?” Jo asks, since she was the cleanest one of all. 

“Yeah, thank you, we will sort this mess.” Teddy replies. 

Jo ushers the kids down the hall giving Teddy the opportunity she needs to talk to Amelia. Teddy puts the pizza’s in the oven, trying to work up the courage to say something. 

“Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for the other night, you didn’t have to stay,” Teddy starts, but why did you? “but, well I appreciate it.” Teddy continues, busying her her hands with wiping down the countertops. She doesn’t want to risk getting lost in the heat of Amelia’s stare again. 

“I couldn’t leave you like that.” Amelia replies quietly. 

Teddy doesn’t know how to feel about the sincerity in the brunettes voice so she soldiers on with what she needs to say. 

“I’m also sorry, I know you said I didn’t ruin your date but I’m sure there were things you would’ve rather been doing than nursing a drunk crying mess.”

“Well I’ll say it again, you didn’t ruin anything.” Amelia says a little sharply, she moves over to the kitchen sink to start rinsing dishes but sighs and turns back toward Teddy. 

“Look, Monica and I are taking it slow, we’ve only been out once and neither of us want to rush things, so I promise you, you ruined nothing.” Amelia gives up on her task and comes over to Teddy. She is nervous to have Amelia standing so close to her again, she keeps cleaning, even though she’s clearly already removed all evidence of the flour fight. Amelia grabs Teddy’s hands, stopping their movements. Teddy resists but ultimately can’t stop herself from being turned toward Amelia.

“Are you really okay?” Amelia asks, “because in my experience, going out by yourself to get trashed and sleep with a stranger is not a marker of being totally fine. Not that I’m judging, I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on, but I’m here if you need anything.” 

“Thank you.” Teddy says looking down, she’s not ready to meet those deep azure orbs again. Teddy can feel something shift between them, things are lighter than they have been all week, even though she hasn’t had any of her questions answered she feels reassured that they can move on and be friends the way they have been over the years. She risks a glance up to see if she can spot the same sentiment in Amelia’s eyes, she’s met with warmth and kindness but also something more, something that looks dangerously like desire, the more they stare at each other the more that spark from earlier returns. Her stomach summersaults as her skin flushes, she sees Amelia’s eyes flick down to her mouth and Teddy cocks her head in surprise, is she imagining it? Amelia opens her mouth to say something but is cut short by Jo walking back into the the kitchen with a procession of clean children behind her. 

Chapter 14: Jo

Summary:

Jo tries to get to the bottom of things.

Notes:

It is happening, I promise, any day now.

 Chapter Fourteen: Jo

 

Dinner is a much quieter affair, Jo sets the kids up in the lounge with a movie and their pizza while Teddy and Amelia go tidy themselves up. Jo had secretly hoped giving the other two women a moment alone would let them figure out whatever fight they were having, it seems to have worked somewhat as the three women sit at the table where they can see the kids and eat happily. They’ve finally managed to achieved the mums hang out Jo had been aiming for when she asked for this play date. She’s glad Teddy offered to host as well, Luna will be absolutely knackered from all the running around outside and she should be asleep before they even get home. Jo looking forward to not having to bargain with her child to get her to go to sleep. 

 

Despite the lighter air, Jo still notices there are weird looks and glances passed between the the two women across from her, one would look away as soon as the other looked up, it’s all very odd. If Jo didn’t know any better she’d say they were acting like they were having an affair, but that would be ridiculous. They eat in silence and it’s not uncomfortable but Jo is keen to test her ridiculous theory so she asks, 

“So, where are you going for your date tomorrow?”

“Oh, um, well I was going to take her to this drag show thing. I thought it could be a bit of fun.” Amelia replies nervously. “It’s been a while since I’ve tried to date anyone like this.”

“What do you mean like this?” Teddy asks curiously. 

“Well with Kai we were long distance so it wasn’t exactly the easiest way to start a relationship. But also the distance forced us to go slow. Now I feel like a teenager trying to court someone, and I don’t know what I’m doing.” Amelia explains. 

“That makes sense.” Jo adds, “but you know if you really like her you should just tell her that, and if she really likes you then she’ll understand.”

“I don’t want to scare her off, I have a habit of doing that.” Amelia sighs.

“Amelia, you are hot, smart and funny. If someone can’t handle everything you bring to the table then that’s their loss.” Jo says firmly. She realises the moment it’s out of her mouth that it’s a strange thing to say to the woman who used to be with her husband, and Teddy’s. She can’t help the giggle she lets out.

“What? Am I really that tragic?” Amelia asks teasingly.

“No, no, I just realised that it’s a funny thing to say considering the people who couldn’t handle you are now our husbands.” Jo winces, “Sorry Teddy I wasn’t thinking.”

“No it’s fine really. In the beginning I always felt insecure that Owen would leave me for Amelia, I wouldn’t have let her go if I was him.” Teddy looks down awkwardly, Jo doesn’t miss Amelia’s head snap up to look at Teddy with a shocked expression. Interesting. “But in the end I convinced myself that it was destiny that kept us coming back to each other and that no one could keep us apart.” 

“I had the exact same thing!” Jo exclaims, “Link proposed to her with three rings! I had to hear about how much he loved her, over and over-”

“Okay, okay, enough of that, I thought we were talking about my love life.” Amelia interjects, clearing her throat. 

“Yes, yes we are, I for one think you two make a cute couple, you should just be up front with her and see where it goes, right?” Jo says, she does mean it genuinely but she also wants to see Teddy’s reaction, the blonde woman is looking intently at her empty plate and nodding along. Could be nothing, could be jealously, but over Amelia? Or over having someone?

“Yeah yeah you’re right. Ugh I’m overthinking it, she’s pretty and nice and I should just let it happen.” Amelia concedes as she reaches for her glass knocking it over and into her lap. 

“Shit!” Amelia cries out as she jumps out of her chair.

“You okay mama?” Scout calls from over the back of the couch. 

“Yeah I’m fine baby.” 

Amelia is trying to dab at her jeans with a napkin, and Teddy reaches over to assist but Amelia pulls sharply back from her. 

Jo’s had enough and bursts out, “Okay what’s going on with you two?” She’s met with two equally wide eye’d and opened mouthed stares, “Did you two have a fight or something?”

Chapter 15: Amelia

Summary:

Amelia tries to get some answers.

Notes:

This play date is almost over I swear! Amelia's going through a lot, but she's gonna figure it out. Eventually, after some more angst and confusion. Sorry, but not really.

Chapter Fifteen: Amelia

 

 Amelia is frozen to the spot. How could Jo possibly know? Nothing has even happened! She’s like a cat who’s hair is up on end and ready to fight but then Jo clarifies she means a fight and Amelia lets her shoulders drop down from around her ears.

“Yeah okay, you caught us. We were having a little disagreement but we sorted it out. Right?” She directs the question at Teddy hoping she will back her up. 

“Yeah right, totally fine now.” Teddy adds tightly. 

“Well what about?” Jo asks, “Cause you guys have been acting weird all week.”

“Nothing-” Teddy starts

“My date-” Amelia says at the same time. She feels bad about what she’s about to do after she’s reassured Teddy so many times that the date wasn’t ruined. “Someone got a little too drunk the other night and I had to help her home, which is the reason I didn’t come get Scout.” 

“Oh.” Is all Jo says in response. 

Amelia can see some hurt in Teddy’s eyes and quickly tries to rectify it. 

“But like I said to Teddy earlier, Monica and I had a great time and I would never leave my friend like that anyway.” 

“Yeah right of course not.” Jo says with some confusion colouring her voice. Teddy still looks hurt though and Amelia feels a tidal wave of guilt roll through her stomach. She let herself get too close before in the kitchen and had tried to put some distance back between them, but she didn’t want to see the other woman upset. She reaches over to touch Teddy’s arm to get her attention and tries to convey through her eyes that she is just trying to get Jo off the scent. Teddy nods at her as though she can read her meaning but it doesn’t dispel the broiling guilt. 

“I do appreciate you being there for me.” Teddy says quietly, “and I’m glad you have another date tomorrow, a drag show should be fun.” 

Amelia notes that the tall blonde doesn’t sound very convincing. It sparks a thought for her though, clearly Teddy had been in a different place than she thought, was she thinking about dating? Teddy had been two minutes away from going home with that woman from the bar the other night, maybe Amelia has misread the entire situation and Teddy really did just see her as a friend and had eyes for someone else entirely. 

“What about you? Do you think you’d see Cass again?” Amelia asks, wanting, no needing to know the answer. 

“I hadn’t even thought about it.” Teddy says, surprise etching her voice, “What happened with Cass and I, it wasn’t really about her, it was about me. Was I attracted to her? Yes. Did I want to sleep with her? Absolutely.” It’s the tone that Teddy is using that sets Amelia on edge, she knows she has no right to her jealously but here it is again, creeping up on her like a shadow in the night. 

“She’s hot and smart and made me feel desired in a way Owen didn’t anymore. But just as we were about to, and I mean really about to,” Teddy continues emphatically, gesturing with her hands, “I realised that it wasn’t going to fix my marriage, and that was something I had to examine, before I could think about being with someone else.” 

Amelia could swear that last statement is meant for her, Teddy’s eyes flicking over to her solidifies that. 

“But you figured out what you wanted for your marriage, so why not see her again now?” Amelia asks, probing. 

“I think there’s too much water under that bridge now, and I want… god I don’t know what I want but I don’t think it’s anything I can get from her, not anymore.” Teddy explains. 

The jealously is only slightly abated by Teddy’s confirmation that she isn’t interested in the married red head. 

“No one can say how long it takes to get over things or to start new relationships, when the times right you’ll know.” Jo offers kindly as a child starts crying on the couch, not Amelia’s thankfully. 

“And that’s my cue, thank you so much for having us Teddy, it’s been a great day.” Jo says as she stands to give Teddy a hug. Then she’s whisking Luna out the door and into the night, leaving only Teddy and Amelia at the table. 

Chapter 16: Teddy

Summary:

The play date comes to an end in an unexpected way.

Notes:

Thanks for all the comments! They make my mornings. Wrapping up this play date, hope y'all enjoy!

Chapter Sixteen: Teddy

 

Teddy starts to clear their dishes, she can sense that Amelia is getting ready to take her leave as well. 

“Would you mind giving me a hand with these?” Teddy asks, trying to come up with an excuse to get the other woman to stay. 

“Yeah of course.” Amelia says as she comes to join Teddy at the sink, bringing with her the last of the dishes from the table. They rinse and stack the dishes in perfect sync, not needing to say anything, Teddy knows however that as soon as they’re done Amelia is going to bolt, unless she can draw her into another conversation. 

“Looks like the kids are down for the count.” Teddy remarks, gesturing her head over to the living room. The lights are dimmed and the TV is casting a soft glow over the sleeping children on the couch.

“Yeah, I hate moving him when he’s fast asleep.” Amelia sighs. Confirming to Teddy that the small brunette is thinking about leaving. 

“Do you-” Teddy cuts herself short, “Amelia, you deserve so many good things in life, and I know you have them but, well I hope Dr-” She stops herself again, “I hope Monica can be another good thing for you.” 

“Thank you, I do like her, but then I’m also wary that she’s just gone through a divorce, she had a thing with Winston, and look you know me, I’m not one to judge how or when people move on. Like Jo said before, when the time is right and all, but I just don’t want to open myself up again, to someone who isn’t ready. Kai leaving rocked me you know.” Amelia’s voice cracks a little and Teddy can start to see a clearer picture of the beautiful, brilliant surgeon in front of her. Amelia was scared. She had been hurt time and time again, and whether it was to Teddy or to Monica she didn’t want to open her heart again to someone who isn’t ready for all that comes with her. None of that scared Teddy though, she has always thought of Amelia as one of the strongest people she knows. 

“Kai’s an idiot.” Teddy mutters. “You deserve better.” 

“Yeah, you know where I can find that?” Amelia asks sarcastically.

There’s a tense moment when their eyes meet, like Amelia is asking her a silent question. Begging Teddy not to hurt her. Teddy realises this is her chance, if they’re going to talk about it, it’s going to be now. She can sense she’s on the edge of a precipice, she could step back from the edge and they’d remain friends like nothing happened, or she could- 

“Amelia why did you stay with me the other night?” 

“I-I-I told you, I couldn’t leave you like that. What if you were sick in your sleep?”

Teddy dries her hands on a towel and takes a step closer to the shorter woman. Amelia doesn’t step back to maintain the distance, so Teddy pushes on.

“Amelia, I know I was drunk, but I wasn’t that drunk. And I’m sorry if I did or said anything that made you uncomfortable-”

“You didn’t.” Amelia interjects softly, looking down to avoid eye contact. 

“Did I make you uncomfortable the other morning? After the funeral?” Teddy asks matching Amelia’s quiet tone. 

Amelia looks back up at her, a kind of desperation in her eyes. “No, why would you? Nothing happened.”

“Yeah, nothing happened.” Teddy whispers as she takes one step closer, not breaking eye contact. “And is nothing happening right now?” 

She doesn’t really know what she’s doing but she can’t resist any longer. The heat she can see in Amelia’s bright blue eyes is drawing her in like a moth to a flame, and if she must burn, then so be it. 

“Absolutely nothing is happening right now.” Amelia whispers back, her eyes dipping down to Teddy’s lips and lingering there. 

Teddy can seen nothing but pure heat and desire in those eyes and she wonders just how big her own pupils must be, can Amelia tell how much she wants this? Amelia is the one to take a step closer this time. Their faces only breaths apart. The tip of Amelia’s nose brushes against Teddy’s cheek, and her head involuntarily turns till she can feel the ghost of Amelia’s soft lips against her own. They’re stuck in limbo neither one willing to take that final plunge. They stand in the moment, breathing in each others air, mouths dangerously close, as a simmering heat stirs low in Teddy’s stomach, clenching and tight. She desperately wants to pull the other woman to her, to run her fingers through those thick dark tresses, to trap her against the counter and wrap herself up in the gorgeous woman. Teddy inches her head forward just enough to make the lightest contact, her top lip grazing Amelia’s bottom lip, causing a hitch in the shorter woman’s breath. She can’t push too hard, but if something doesn’t happen in the next few seconds, Teddy fears she will combust. 

“Amelia.” Teddy pleads in a tight whisper.

Just like that the spell is broken, Amelia steps back harshly and before Teddy can blink, Amelia is out the door with a stirring Scout in her arms. 

Fuck.

Chapter 17: Monica

Summary:

A date and drag show.

Chapter Seventeen: Monica

 

Monica has had the worst day, she’s tried to distract herself with life admin and chores, but waiting for night to come is really testing her patience. She’s excited for her date with Amelia tonight, so much that it’s all she’s been able to think about today. So of course because she wants the time to pass quickly, it goes painfully slow. By five o’clock she’s itching to get ready, perhaps if she really takes her time she can use up the whole two hours before she’s supposed to meet Amelia. She uses the time to shower, cycle through different outfit choices, tame her short curls and do her face. Then finally, finally, it’s time to go. 

 

Monica is nervous as she pulls up outside outside the restaurant, she’s still surprised Amelia said yes. She thought she had blown her chances with the gorgeous neuro surgeon after the whole rejecting her and sleeping with Winston thing. Monica isn’t sure if she should wait outside or go inside and get their table. Despite knowing full well that Amelia is going to be a little late, her mind is still trying to convince her she’s been stood up. So she decides to wait outside, much less embarrassing to get stood up out here where no one can see her. Before her spiral can take her much further, she thankfully sees Amelia’s car pull in. When Amelia walks over to her, Monica’s breath catches in her throat. God she’s stunning. Amelia is wearing warm brown brown slacks with a matching oversized blazer with a black silk blouse that has one too many buttons undone to be called casual. 

“Hi.” Amelia says, she must notice that Monica is down right staring at her and sounds a little shy. 

“Hi.” Monica has to remember how to speak properly, “You look beautiful.”

“So do you.” Amelia replies smiling, “Shall we go in?”

 

Once they’re settled inside Monica takes a moment to appreciate the effort that’s been put into turning the restaurant into a theatre dining experience. There’s decorations, flowers and disco balls strung up around the place. They’ve turned off the house lights in favour of colourful pinks and blues, the tables themselves lit by fake candles in the centre so they can still see each other. The Queens all looking immaculate, the artistry evident in every brush stroke of their makeup and seam of their outfits. 

“Amelia this is amazing, thank you for bringing me here.” Monica says genuinely. 

“Thanks, I thought it looked like fun. I think people have this idea about being sober, like you can’t have fun anymore.” Amelia replies. 

“Well I’ve never thought that about you. Speaking of fun, how was the playdate yesterday?”

Amelia chokes a little on her soda before saying “Yeah, good,” she coughs, “It was nice seeing Jo laugh, I miss having Meredith and Maggie around so it’s nice to feel like I could have that with Jo. I mean she’s Scouts step mum now after all.”

“Any updates on Link?”

“They expect him to wake up any day now. But enough about me, I feel like my whole life is plastered around that hospital, tell me about you. What was life like in Texas? Did you grow up there?” 

She tells Amelia about her life growing up as a queer kid, thankfully not in Texas, med school which eventually led her to Texas, meeting her now ex wife. They chat away exchanging stories, first crushes, residency horrors, embarrassing teenage music choices. They don’t stop talking until their food arrives and a tall extravagant Queen steps onto the stage to begin the show. 

 

Monica feels like their date is going remarkably well, they talk easily, the food is good, the show is great. It also gives her an opportunity to watch Amelia, face cast in blue light, smiling in awe at the show. She doesn’t want to rush things or scare her off but she thinks she could easily fall for the short brunette if things keep going this way. 

The performances wrap up and the soft warm house lights come back on signalling that the show is over. Monica is disappointed that she’ll have to say good bye soon so she takes her time finishing her drink. 

“How did you like it?” She asks Amelia.

“It was great! You forget sometimes, to stop and enjoy things happening in your community. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in work and kids, I’m really glad we did this.”

“Yeah me too, I don’t know how you do it, balancing your career and being a parent.” Monica says, trying to be complimentary but she sees Amelia’s face falter a little. 

“Did you not want kids? With your ex?” Amelia asks carefully. 

“You know, people assume when you work in paeds that you must want kids. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and have a deep respect for them, but it wasn’t something I wanted for myself. My ex wasn’t really fussed either way.” Monica explains, but the look on Amelia’s face doesn’t change and she’s worried she’s put her foot in it. It was going so well!

“My ex didn’t want kids, like really didn’t want them, they would’ve never been a step parent to Scout. Not that I need that, but if I have to choose, my son will always come first.”

“Amelia, you’re a great mum, it’s one of the many things I admire about you, and I would never ask you to hide that part of yourself away from me. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I wouldn’t have asked you out if I only wanted one part of the package.” Monica says as she reaches over and gives the other woman’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Amelia squeezes back and nods her understanding. 

“So, I guess it’s my turn to plan the next one? If, you know, if I haven’t messed-” Monica fumbles.

“Yes, sounds like a plan.” Amelia cuts in. “Can I walk you back to your car?”

“You mean the one that’s parked right next to yours?” Monica teases as she gets up. 

“Yes, that one.” Amelia laughs. 

They wander out into the cool evening, Monica is still worried she’s messed things up, she had thought she might kiss Amelia goodnight but now she’s unsure, she can’t read Amelia that well yet. They stop next to their cars and Monica feels awkward, for the first time this evening she isn’t sure what to say. 

“Thank you for a wonderful night.” Amelia says breaking the silence.

“I should be thanking you, it was your idea.” 

“Still I had a great time.” 

“Even though I’m a dick who hates kids?” Monica tries for light sarcasm and it seems to work, a small smile spreading across the shorter woman’s face. 

“Yes, you can tell me more about how much you hate them on our next date?” Amelia phrases it like a question. 

“Absolutely, you’ll have to find a way to shut me up.” She teases, and finally the easy banter of the night is back. 

“I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Amelia smirks.

Monica takes the cue and steps a little closer to the other woman. 

“Can I kiss you goodnight?” 

Amelia nods and starts to move toward her, Monica is only too happy to meet her in he middle. The kiss starts light, tentative, closed mouths pressing against each other but Monica wants more, she pulls Amelia closer to her until their bodies are flush. Amelia’s hands come up to wrap around her neck deepening the kiss, open mouths now hot against each other. Monica stops just short of pushing her tongue into the other woman’s mouth, she’s not sure she could stop if they crossed the line into full on making out. Reluctantly she slows down, placing a few more soft kisses to Amelia’s lips before pulling away completely. She’s a little breathless and she sees Amelia’s cheeks are similarly flushed. 

“Goodnight Dr. Shepherd.” She winks and turns to get in her own car. 

“Goodnight Dr. Beltran.” Amelia says back as she also gets in her car. 

Monica feels on cloud nine, great date, great night, great kiss. How did she get so lucky?

Notes:

I'm actually a big Monica fan, they better get together in season 22! But for the purposes of this story she's not the one.

Chapter 18: Amelia

Summary:

Amelia slips up.

Chapter Eighteen: Amelia

 

Amelia shuts the door of her car and waits until Monica has pulled out of the parking lot before heaving a big sigh. So what if the kiss wasn’t a sweep her off her feet, leave her panting, molten in her core kind of kiss. It was nice, it was great even. A great kiss to end a great date. She can’t deny it, they had a lot in common, talked easily, laughed at the same things. So why didn’t she feel more excited? Monica is everything she could possibly want, smart, beautiful, funny and stable. The paeds surgeon hasn’t had the easiest life, but she hasn’t let it darken her, she has her shit together, knows who she is and what she wants. That should be like catnip to Amelia. Usually she would feel giddy at being kissed like that from someone as attractive as Monica. She had been ready to jump in feet first after her first kiss with Kai. Maybe that was part of the problem, Kai had left her gun shy about opening up to someone, maybe she just needs more time to get to know the other woman better. Maybe warm and content is how she’s supposed to feel, maybe that’s what it’s like for normal, well adjusted people. No one however, has ever accused her of being normal or well adjusted. She doesn’t need the drama and excitement of someone she shouldn’t want, just because something is exciting doesn’t mean it’s right or good for her. Where has excitement and drama gotten her in the past anyway? 

 

She turns the key in the ignition and starts her journey home, mulling over the evening and her confused feelings. She can’t help that her mind wanders back to the night before. Teddy hadn’t even really kissed her, their lips had only slightly brushed against each other, but the jolt of desire that light caress sent through her, had her running out the front door before she could stay to find out what those lips would really feel like. It isn’t fair she knows, to draw comparisons, she’s known Teddy a long time and so of course things are going to feel different with someone she already trusts and feels safe with. It doesn’t change the fact that the light graze of Teddy’s mouth and the look in her pale green eyes had turned Amelia’s legs to jelly, and left a warm buzzing under her skin for hours after. She can feel her heart rate pick up at the thought of it and has to physically shake herself out of it as she pulls into her building. She takes a luke warm shower and sends a text to Jo thanking her for having Scout and another one to Monica wishing her sweet dreams, before she settles down to sleep. She herself has sweet dreams, but they’re of blonde hair between her fingers, green eyes looking up at her, lips and teeth and tongue over every inch of her skin, a scream jolting her awake in the early hours. She feels herself hot, wet and so turned on it hurts. She knows she’ll have to do something about it if she wants to get anymore sleep tonight. 

 

The Next Day

 

As she walks into the lobby to start her shift, Amelia is resolved to be more open minded, she had a slight lapse last night, but she’s ready to put it behind her. She’s not going to dismiss Monica because she’d felt there was something wanting after their perfectly good kiss. This is what she does isn’t it? Runs away, finds fault quickly and sabotages or thinks that good things can’t happen to her and is suspicious of them when they do. She invents something that must be wrong with that person when really the person who has something wrong with them is her. She’s always too hard on herself, she knows it’s a self preservation mechanism, but it doesn’t mean she’s in control of it. She’s not going to run away this time though, or she’s going to try really really hard not to. To give Monica that time to build their relationship and not expect to be head over heels after only two dates. She’s also decided not to run away from Teddy, she’s going to put an end to their game of push and pull. They’re friends, they have been a long time and there’s no reason to avoid her. She’s going to carry on like nothing happened. The elevator is slow this morning but just as she’s about to give up and take the stairs it pings open. Great. Teddy is standing there already in her scrubs and lab coat, this will give her the chance to practice the ‘pretend nothing happened’ attitude she’s set on. Pretend she doesn’t know what desire looks like on the other woman’s face. Pretend she doesn’t know the feeling of her lips. Pretend she didn’t touch her self thinking about those lips last night. The air is tense as she steps into the small metal box. After a few moments of awkward silence Amelia asks,

“Early morning?” gesturing her head at Teddy’s state of dress.

“Yeah got called in for an emergency early this morning.” Teddy replies and the tense silence descends once again. Fuck it. Before Amelia can think too much about what she’s doing, she grabs Teddy by the lapels of her lab coat and pulls her down into a searing kiss. There’s nothing polite about it, no tentative probing, just burning needy desire. Teddy returns the kiss immediately, her hands gripping Amelia’s hips and pushing her back into the wall, melting the shorter woman’s legs. The kiss is hot and messy, tongues battling against each other teeth nipping at each others lips. Amelia breaths a low moan into the other woman’s mouth and moves her hands up to tangle her fingers into that blonde hair, pulling her closer still, needing to feel as much of the other woman’s lithe body pressed against her as possible. It seems never ending but Amelia knows it must be barely a minute before the elevator dings and she’s racing out to avoid whatever look she might see on Teddy’s face. 

Damn it. It’s only a slight lapse, again. She did try, really really hard not to. 

Chapter 19: Teddy

Summary:

Teddy tries to figure out what is going on with Amelia.

Notes:

Loving the comments! Let me know if you spot the reference in this chapter.

Chapter Nineteen: Teddy

 

What. The. Fuck.

If it weren’t for the slight sting she could still feel on her bruised lips, Teddy would swear she had imagined the last minute. The elevator doors close and she realises too late that she was supposed to get off. Get off of the elevator. Jesus. She could actually use the extra floor to gather herself, right her lab coat, tame her hair and pick her jaw up off the floor. Yes that really did happen, and yes she wants it to happen again. Her heart is still hammering in her chest, she brings a hand up to her lips and smiles. Amelia kissed her. She thought she had completely ruined things the other night when she sent the other woman running out of her house like she’d been stung. The elevator doors open again and this time she remembers to get out, she has a board meeting this morning and does not have the time to contemplate the why of Amelia’s actions. She does however have until she reaches the board room to replay the what, over and over again. Ten more seconds and these thoughts would have to go in a box for the rest of the day. Ten, the fire in blue eyes. Nine, the grip on her lab coat. Eight, squeezing hard hip bones in her hands. Seven, soft lips biting and crushing. Six, nails scraping at her scalp. Five, a desperate moan. Four, bodies flush against each other. Three, heat pooling in her core. Two, tongues dancing together. One, desire, need, want, desperation. Zero, the door to the board room opens. 

“Good morning every one. First on today’s agenda is the surgical budget. Who wants to start us off?”

 

Later That Day

 

One tedious board meeting, two coffees and a hundred emails later Teddy can no longer ignore the grumbling coming from her stomach. Usually she would just eat in her office but she feels the need to stretch her legs, so she heads down to the coffee cart to get another coffee and a pastry. She does technically have lunch from home, enough widow casserole to last a month but there’s a secondary objective in leaving her office. Amelia. Thoughts of the beautiful and fierce surgeon have plagued her all morning. Try as she might she cannot push the memory of this morning’s encounter very far from her mind. Like a lighthouse in the distance she sees Amelia at the coffee cart, with another brunette. God damn Dr. Beltran. She harbours no actual ill will toward the paeds surgeon, she is just currently in the way of what Teddy wants. Teddy is not going to outright sabotage their relationship but she’s also not going to just give up. Amelia has been sending her mixed messages for weeks now, so she has no intention of backing down unless Amelia explicitly tells her to. Teddy makes her way over to the two women with a plastered on smile. 

“Hey you two, how was the show last night?” Teddy asks in greeting. 

“We had such a great time! The performances were great, the lighting and costumes, the food! Apparently they do one every other month. You should check it out.” Monica replies enthusiastically. 

“Hm, maybe I will.” Teddy says noncommittally, turning to Amelia who is still yet to say anything. “How did you find it?” 

“It was good, but I actually-” Amelia fumbles looking at her phone. At the same time that Monica’s phone goes off.

“Shit 911 in the pit, I gotta go, I’ll see you later though?” Monica says 

“Yeah of course.” Amelia replies. 

Monica leans over and brushes a quick kiss to Amelia’s cheek. Amelia smiles but Teddy can see it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Perhaps it’s that look of slight panic and sadness that stops Teddy from spinning out with jealousy. She genuinely cares for the beautiful brunette and just wants to see her happy. More than anything she wants to be the cause of happiness in her but if she’s not then she knows she’ll have to step away. 

“Amelia,” she says softly, “we need to talk. Will you come by my office later?”

Amelia only nods tightly in response and excuses herself to see her patients. Teddy sighs to herself and places her order, Amelia isn’t going to make this easy. 

 

On her walk back to her office Teddy reflects the feeling she had when she saw the innocent cheek kiss. She had felt unreasonably jealous, she wondered where else Monica’s lips had been. Teddy wanted to lay claim to those cheeks, that mouth and every other part of Amelia she could get her hands on. But then she’d noticed Amelia’s eyes and the feeling passed as quickly as it had come. Amelia’s mixed signals are easy to decipher when she looked through the lens of fear. Amelia is scared, she’s scared of being hurt, of being let down, of being too much for someone. Teddy can understand why Monica is a safe choice, no history here, no deep running connections with the people, no comparison to Derek. It really does make sense. She tries to figure out at what point her feelings had turned from friendship and care to something deeper and more consuming. When did she start wanting Amelia to be hers? When did she start wanting to hold her, care for her, make her feel like she’s enough just the way she is. It must have happened so slowly over the years that she hadn’t noticed, now though, it’s smacking her in the face and urging her to do something about it. 

All she can do for now though is wait. 

Chapter 20: Jules

Summary:

Millin works with Dr. Shepherd, and overhears more than she should.

Notes:

Who loves Jules? I love Jules. Bit of a filler chapter but leads well into the next one which will be loooong. I'm actually so sad I've nearly finished writing this. Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty: Jules

 

Jules is on Dr. Shepherds service today. The morning had gone well, she assisted on a craniotomy and Dr. Shepherd complimented her work. She’s still a little nervous around the neuro surgeon ever since she caught her and Mika making out in the elevator. Who even does that? At work! She had been asking for trouble really, but Mika looked so kissable in the moment. Now she wants to prove to Shepherd that she is a professional, someone smart and worthy of teaching. Jules sees herself in cardio one day but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to soak up every bit of knowledge she can get. Although maybe the way things happened with Dr. Ndugu she should look for a new mentor, or specialty. Perhaps when Shepherd gets back from her lunch she can ask her about being mentored by the chief. They’re friends right? Shepherd could put in a good word for her. 

Jules is quickly disabused of that idea when the short brunette returns from lunch and starts barking orders. All of a sudden Jules can’t get anything right even though she’s doing everything the same as this morning. She’s not moving fast enough, or she’s going too fast. She’s not inputting the charts exactly how Shepherd wants them. Why hadn’t she checked on Mr. Montez yet? She realises that it might not have anything to do with her at all. 

“Is everything alright Dr. Shepherd?” She asks cautiously.

“Does everything look alright? Would you call these labs alright? How about the patients reflex responses, those seem alright to you?” Shepherd snaps at her. 

“No, I just meant-” Jules stammers, wondering what’s upset the neuro surgeon so much. 

“Dr Shepherd. A word.” Dr. Beltran cuts in. 

Thank God. Dr. Beltran is also on Jules’ list of doctors to impress and also avoid. Sleeping with one of your bosses ex-wives is not one of the ways she had imagined messing up. Now she’s worried she has a reputation, one which Dr. Ndugu is making worse with his assumptions. Right now though, she is very glad of Dr. Beltran as she watches her pull Shepherd to the side of the hall, away from the door to the patients room. She tries not to eavesdrop but she can’t help it. They could be talking about her, she justifies, and it would be better to know if she had done something wrong. Right?

“What was that?” Beltran asks.

“What?” Shepherd replies with a biting edge. 

“You just bit that poor girls head off.” 

“You mean that poor girl who slept with your ex-wife.”

“Which is exactly why you can’t treat her like that.” Beltran explains admonishing. 

Jules’ ears burn, she knows she shouldn’t be listening but they really are talking about her. Shepherd doesn’t reply and Beltran continues on. 

“Amelia, I can’t have it look like my girlfriend is riding a resident for sleeping with my ex-wife. Talk about an HR complaint.” 

Girlfriend?

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Shepherd pauses. “Wait, girlfriend?”

“Look I know we’re taking things slow, I’m just talking about what it would look like from the outside, if you’re attacking Millin for no reason. Did she do something?” Beltran asks. 

“No.” Shepherd says sighing. “No, you’re right. Sorry it’s been a rough day.”

“Really? Everything was fine at lunch.”

Millin knows she should stop listening now, her anxieties have been quelled and she shouldn’t let curiosity drive her. But then again, she just found out two of her bosses are dating. 

“Yeah. No. It’s complicated.” Shepherd says brushing the other doctor off. 

“Did something happen with you and Altman after I left? Things seemed tense between you…” Beltran asks. 

The gossip now getting too juicy to just walk away from. Plus this could give her some insight for asking the Chief to mentor her. 

“No, why would you say that? Teddy and I are fine, we’re friends, we’ve always been friends.” Shepherd is snapping once again. 

“Yeah, okay.” Beltran pauses. “You know you can talk to me right?” She asks with concern. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m just stressed, let me make it up to you? Say Wednesday night?” Shepherd asks.

Millin really does walk away now. She’s got her answers and then some. Time to get back to showing Shepherd what she can do. 

The rest of her shift goes smoothly and Jules feels much more confident. She’s a resident now and she deserves to be here. Whatever happened with Shepherd before clearly had nothing to do with her, so she should just shoot her shot. 

“Dr. Shepherd, before you go, I was wondering if I could ask you something?” 

“Millin, I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have gone off at you like that.” The older woman concedes. 

“I appreciate that, but actually I wanted to ask you about choosing a specialty.”

“Oh, I thought you were looking at cardio, isn’t Wins- Dr. Ndugu mentoring you?”

“He was but….” Jules trails off, unsure how to explain. “He thought- we had a mis- It- Well it wasn’t a good fit. I am still interested in cardio though and I know it’s a long shot but, well I was hoping you could put in a good word for me, with the Chief. I wanted to ask her if she would mentor me, and you guys are close-”

“It is a long shot.” Shepherd says cutting off Jules’ rant. “I will put in a good word for you though, you’re a good doctor Millin.” 

“Thank you Dr. Shepherd. Is there anything else you need me to do before you go?”

“No, you have instructions for the post op patients. Monitor Mr. Montez and don’t kill anyone.” Shepherd says with a smile and she starts to walk away. 

“Have a good night Dr. Shepherd.” Jules calls after her but is met with no response.

Well it’s progress. 

Chapter 21: Amelia

Summary:

Amelia gets in all kinds of trouble.

Notes:

I've got a busy week coming up so might not have time to get one up everyday, so instead have two today.

Chapter Twenty-One: Amelia

 

Amelia is nervous as she navigates to the Chief’s office, she’s sure she’s going to get reprimanded for her behaviour this morning. What was she thinking. It’s one thing to almost kiss her boss in her own kitchen but another thing to actually throw herself at her while they’re at work. Amelia steels herself as she knocks at the door to the Chief’s office. 

“Come in.”

Amelia promptly forgets all the apologies and excuses she has planned to say as soon as she sees the blonde woman sat behind the desk. How does she look so effortlessly sexy? Teddy has changed back into her regular clothes and let her hair down, now cascading around her shoulders, driving Amelia mad with the need to run her fingers through it again. The top few buttons of Teddy’s blouse hang open and Amelia can see the top of the scar on her chest. Seeing it reminds her of sitting with Owen, hoping, waiting and being terrified of losing another person she cared about. Despite how much she’s tried she can’t ignore the feelings she has for the other woman. The scar just another firm reminder that she can’t outrun herself, but she can damn well try.  

“You wanted to see me?” Amelia says, standing in the centre of the room unsure what to do.

“Yes, take a seat.” Teddy replies, gesturing the the chair on the other side of the large wooden desk. 

“I actually have something to ask you.” Amelia says, maybe if she can bring up Millin she can put off the upcoming storm. Give herself a few more moments before having to confront what they’re really here to talk about. 

“Go ahead.” Teddy stands and comes around the desk to lean against it next to Amelia’s chair. Amelia supposes the tall woman is trying to be casual but her proximity is making it hard to think. 

“Well, Millin is looking to get into cardio…” Amelia trails off.

“Yes, I heard she was working well with Ndugu.”

“Yeah… About that, she asked me to put in a good word with you. I think she’s in the market for a new mentor.”

“Oh?” Teddy says, waiting for Amelia to continue. 

“I don’t know the details exactly but I think maybe something happened and now she’s…. Well I think she’d just prefer to learn from someone else.” 

“Christ.” Teddy sighs looking to the ceiling. “Should I expect an HR complaint from her?” 

“No, no I don’t think so.” Amelia replies. Silence settles over them and Amelia knows where the conversation has to go next. “Should I expect an HR complaint from you?” 

“Amelia…” Teddy says with a huff. “I’m not- That’s not why you’re here.”

“It’s not?”

“Well not in an HR sense no. Besides, I’m your boss, if anyone was in trouble here it would be me.” 

“But I’m the one who accosted you in an elevator.” Amelia blurts out and then wonders why she can’t keep her mouth shut. 

“I started it. The other night, and I’m sorry about that. I know you’re seeing Monica-”

“No I’m sorry, I’ve been all over the place and I shouldn’t have just thrown myself at you like that.” Amelia rushes out. 

“Why-” Teddy stops, obviously trying to gather her thoughts. She drops her voice to a whisper to ask, “Why did you?”

Amelia lets out a wry laugh and looks up at the woman still perched on the edge of the desk.

“God Teddy, if I could answer that I would. But I am sorry and I promise it won’t happen again.” Amelia doesn’t miss the crestfallen expression on Teddy’s face and decides it’s probably best to leave. She stands but Teddy catches her wrist before Amelia can step away. They’re too close, Teddy’s knees right in line with Amelia’s hip. She can’t get past Teddy without brushing up against her but every instinct is telling her to get out of there before the closeness unravels her. Amelia keeps her eyes down hoping that she can get away before doing any more damage to their friendship. 

“Teddy…” Amelia whines out, still not looking at her, a plea to let her go. 

“Amelia, look at me.” Teddy commands. 

Fuck. Amelia has no choice but to look at the other woman. Their current positions bringing them to the same eye level. It’s almost too much to stand. The longing in Teddy’s pale green eyes breaks through the last vestiges of resolve Amelia has. She lets her eyes drift down to Teddy’s lips, then further down t0 the tip of her scar. Amelia reaches out one finger, delicately tracing the scar from the tip down to where the blouse is buttoned. The contact makes the blonde woman’s breath hitch and Amelia’s eyes are drawn back up, she doesn’t remove her finger. 

“If that’s what you want then I’ll let you go and we can pretend it never happened. Is that what you want?” Teddy whispers, her eyes dropping down to Amelia’s lips. 

Amelia has no words to say in answer. Instead she presses her palm flat against Teddy’s chest, over her heart, over her scar. She brings her forehead to rest against Teddy’s and lets her palm slide up, gently caressing the other woman’s throat before continuing up again to cup the blondes jaw. Their eyes meet and Amelia can see Teddy’s pupils blown wide, her lips slightly parted, her chest rising and falling rapidly in anticipation. Amelia uses her thumb to trace Teddy’s bottom lip and watches as those green eyes fall shut. The second Teddy sucks the tip of Amelia’s thumb into her mouth, something primal is unleashed. Amelia pulls the other woman to her and their mouths meet in a desperate clash, lips immediately parting and tongues trying to map every contour of each others mouths. Amelia gives in to the need to feel the other woman, she steps between Teddy’s legs and pushes her back up onto the desk, those long legs wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer still. There is no space left between them and Amelia can feel the heat radiating from the other woman’s centre. Amelia lets her hands squeeze and roam up the thighs now wrapped around her waist, pushing her hips slightly forward to grind into the apex of the blondes legs. The kiss is desperate, messy, passionate, Amelia can feel Teddy’s hands her in hair, not quite pulling but keeping her close in a fierce grip. She breaks her mouth away from Teddy’s to press a kiss to the underside of her jaw. Teddy moans right into Amelia’s ear, low and hot, sending molten heat straight to her core. Amelia continues along Teddy’s jaw, stopping to bite softly at her ear. 

“Fuck.” Teddy moans again, hands now scraping down Amelia’s back. The drag of Teddy’s nails ignites another jolt like lightening, all the way to her toes. She can feel the wetness gathering in her underwear and knows if they don’t slow down soon they will be having sex for the first time right here on Teddy’s desk. The thought does little to deter Amelia though, as she drags her tongue all the way up Teddy’s neck and brings their mouths back together. The heat and desire burning and surging under her skin is more than Amelia can take, she needs to feel more of the other woman’s smooth skin under her palms. She starts to undo more buttons on Teddy’s blouse and the other woman follows suit untucking Amelia’s shirt from her pants. As soon as Amelia feels Teddy’s hands brush against the skin at the small of her back she stops.

“Shit.” Amelia curses. 

“What’s wrong?” Teddy asks concern lacing her voice. She pulls back slightly, moving her hands to rest on Amelia’s hips but keeping her legs still wrapped around Amelia’s waist. 

Amelia remembers, Monica.

“We shouldn’t do this.” Amelia says desperately, but brings their mouths gently back together kissing Teddy once more. She pulls away again to add, “I’m seeing someone.”

“I know.” Teddy replies softly, resting her forehead against Amelia’s and loosening her legs from around her waist. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, I don’t want to hurt her.” Amelia says. She does mean it, she likes Monica and this isn’t fair to her. “I can’t.”

“I know.” Teddy says again, so so softly Amelia almost doesn’t hear it. 

If this is going to be the last time Amelia allows herself to have this, then she wants Teddy to know it means something to her. She cups Teddy’s jaw once more and looks into her eyes. Amelia kisses her softly one last time, letting her lips caress the other woman’s in a show of the affection she feels before ultimately stepping away and walking out the door. 

She lets one tear roll down her cheek for what might have been in another life. In a life where she isn’t already dating someone beautiful, kind and uncomplicated. A life where Teddy isn’t her ex-husbands widow and things could be easy.