fall today and wish for tomorrow

by yumplumdimsum

Summary:

Will loves Mike. He shouldn't, should he? But it's taking over his being.

And Mike... Mike thought he knew Will. Now he doesn't know.

TW: ALCOHOL , LONNIE IS ABUSIVE

Chapter 1: the one

Romeo and Juliet. Possibly the most boring story ever written. Actually, scratch that, A Midsummer’s Night Dream from Freshman year was pretty bad. Still, despite Will’s usual enjoyment of literature, he finds himself dreading reading, studying, and annotating (really, Mrs. Garner?) the damned thing. It’s practically the barest of minimums that Mike reaches out to study together. Will took the class for him after all. They don’t usually end up studying for long before just laughing and hanging out, so the school library is a no-go. They opt for one of Hawkin’s two cafes. 

Mike reads, and Will silently curses at himself. Because he’s been staring too long and he told himself he would stop that. It’s extremely intoxicating, because Mike is perfect– tousled black curls, with plush lips and a defined jaw– but Will knows he’s subjecting himself to the acrid aftertaste of knowing there’s nothing more after this. He’ll be in want forever, because Mike could never feel this way back. Mike would never stare at Will like this, like he’s some sort of masterpiece to behold. Except there’s some sort of flicker in Mike’s eyes sometimes, which Will can’t think about because he’ll go certifiable. Instead he just returns to pretending to read until Mike speaks up.

 

“Will?” At hearing his name, Will instinctively shoots his head up. “Sorry, don’t want to interrupt your reading.”

 

“As if I was enjoying it,” Will rolls his eyes. “Mrs. Garner is going to pay for this, I swear.”

 

“Oh good, you hate it too,” Mike says with a laugh. 

 

“Oh, definitely. It’s horrible.”

 

Mike smiles before saying, “We’ve been here for over an hour and we’ve already paid already. Let’s just go back to my house.” 

 

And, against all better judgment, Will smiles back and says, “Okay.”

 

 

---

The drive to Mike’s house is quick and relatively painless. They joke a few times but spend much of it in a comfortable silence. Will can’t afford a car, and he quite enjoys being chauffeured around by Mike. When they carpool with all of the Party, Will always gets front seat privileges, an honor Mike bestowed with no real reason. 

 

“Pretty sure nobody’s home yet,” Mike says as they enter the house. The loud silence they’re met with confirms this. “Let’s head up to my room.” 

 

It’s been a while since Will was in Mike’s room with no other members of the party around. It once was the norm, but during Jane and Mike’s relationship, Mike shut Will out nearly completely. They rarely talked alone, besides an intense fight in the rain they had, and Will stopped coming over just by himself. He had once or twice after the second breakup, but it wasn’t the same, and it just hadn’t become a habit again. Although Will often selfishly hoped it would.

Once the pair settles in, it's as if no time’s passed at all– like the whole Jane thing never happened. It’s innate for them, and soon enough, they’re laughing like old times again.

Mike says a joke so stupid and ridiculous it sends them both into a horrible laughing fit and they collapse on the bed together. Mike’s breathing is heavy and Will can feel his smile drop. His heart aches at their newfound proximity. Because this is it . Mike could never love Will back and Will is selfish for loving Mike in the first place. All this pining and cryptic heart-to-hearts and subtle… flirting? If you can even call it that? It doesn’t even matter, because it’s nothing. Will is nothing. He used to be Mike’s best friend, he supposes. Used to be “Zombie Boy,”  a loving nickname bullies would bark at him after he was pronounced legally dead but resuscitated. It had made their local paper. Alcohol poisoning. Lonnie ( not Dad. Don’t call him Dad) had grabbed him by his neck and forced so much, too much of the bitter fluid down his throat. It was so he’d become a “real man” and vomit up all of his “queerness.” Getting called Zombie Boy was a nice break from faggot, though. That, he still was. He had mostly accepted it by now. God, he hated that they were right. The bullies, and Lonnie. He was a disgusting fag, just like they said. 

 

“Will?” Mike’s voice snaps Will back into the moment. He swallows down some acidic bile that had risen in his throat and looks back up to Mike.

 

“Yeah?” Mike’s eyes are large and his brows are creased. The room is illuminated by a soft, warm light coming from Mike’s window. It reminds Will somewhat of candlelight. Just like any other light, it seemingly suits Mike perfectly. A faint smattering of freckles left over from summer lay delicately across his cheeks. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

Mike doesn’t take his eyes off him yet. 

 

Chapter 2: peek

Notes:

sorry classes starting got me messed

Mike catches himself doing it again. Staring at Will. His lips.

He did it twice at the cafe. It took him tremendous effort to limit it to only twice. And now, he has done it yet again. God, what is wrong with him lately?

Blinking hard, Mike clears his thoughts. Clearly, something’s wrong with Will. Some soft light illuminates his eyes, and they sparkle with potential wetness. And when Mike calls, he can see Will swallow. He does that often when he’s upset. Mike can recall that Will did it even as a kid too. They had once talked about it, about an acrid taste Will could feel in his throat.

“Are you sure? You seem out of it,” Mike presses, eyebrows furrowing in concern. Just tell me, he thinks desperately. Let me make it go away.

“Yes. Well. I guess. I’m fine, it’s just… I don’t even know.” Will looks away from him now, eyes falling down to where his hands are fidgeting slightly. It makes Mike realize how long they were looking at each other. He feels something in his stomach he can’t explain.

Mike prompts further, “just try to explain it. Even if it makes no sense.”

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be completely incoherent,” Will lets out a watery laugh that Mike reciprocates, “but thanks for listening anyway. In advance.” They both smile. “I guess it’s just, I don’t know, I really missed you when you were with Jane. Now that it’s like old times, I dunno, it makes me think of the past.” Mike nods because he knows what the past means for Will.

“It’s not just that. I mean, we say it’s like old times again, but you know it’s really not, right? Something’s off? Maybe it just takes time. I miss us being our own little team though, you know? When we’re not, I just get… I don’t know, this is so stupid. But I get a little… lonely sometimes.” A deep pit forms in Mike’s stomach. He knows that feeling, he’s lived it. And he hates it. He hates himself for making Will feel like that. It is his fault, really. He knows he had distanced himself extremely far from Will when he was with Jane, even though he’s never understood why. For some reason, they couldn’t coexist peacefully in his mind. It was just… weird. It confuses him every time he looks back on it, despite it being recent. And he always wishes he chose Will instead. Because Will is his best friend.

“Will…”

“Mike. It's not your fault.”

“Will. It’ll be like old times again. No. It'll be better. You’ll see. I’ll make the time, and we can do all the things we always did. Always have done. It’ll be you and me again.” Mike is spilling out word vomit now. “Trust me. I mean, I know when I was with Jane…” Mike practically winces, but he continues on. “I know I was being an asshole. But Will, we’re the dream team. It’s us, for God’ sake. We’ll always have each other. Forever.”

Will gives Mike a look so wide-eyed it feels Mike with a familiar warmth.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And for the fourth time in the last two hours, Mike’s gaze is lost in Will’s features.

Chapter 3: truth

Will sits quietly as the movie plays, watching. He watches as Lucas and Max keep scooting closer to each other in slight increments. He watches as Dustin shifts, unable to get comfortable. But most intently, he watches Mike wrap his arm around Jane and pull her close. He watches Jane whisper to Mike, watches Mike suppress a laugh. He watches pretty much everything except the movie, because it can’t be nearly as interesting or consuming as watching Mike is. The movie isn’t cuddling its ex.

 

Guilt rises in Will, and he doesn’t fight to push it down. He knows he’s being selfish, because if Mike and Jane get back together, it’s great. He should be happy for the both of them, that’s his sister and best friend. Yet he can’t find it in him to be anything but sad and practically lethargic.

 

The movie, a quick hour-and-a-half comedy, begins rolling its end credits. Jane swiftly gets up and turns it off, then places herself in the center where everyone can see her and announces, “Guys! Me and Mike had an idea.” The Party all shifts to listen. “Well, we were thinking it would be kind of fun to do, like, a truth circle. Like middle schoolers would do, y’know? Like old times?”

 

Everyone exclaims their enthusiastic agreement, making Jane smile. Jane had never fully come out of her shell, even while dating Mike. Now though, more and more, she had become more extroverted. Taking up more space. Will was proud beyond words.

 

“Will, stop daydreaming and get in the circle!” Lucas is calling out to him. Shit, he’d been spacing out like that more and more lately. Anniversary effect or something. He joins the rest of the group, sitting across from Mike.

 

“Alright, since it was really my idea, I get to go first in asking a question,” Jane starts, “and I-“

 

“Wait, doesn’t a truth circle have like, a stick we need to pass to talk?”

 

“No, Max, that’s a truth stick. This is a truth circle,” Jane corrects.

 

“Wait! Don’t you just ask everybody a prompt? When I read a book about therapy tactics-”

 

Lucas cuts Dustin off, “Shut up, nerd! We’re not doing an actual truth circle, this is just a fancy way to say we’re gonna ask embarrassing questions and you’re gonna have to answer!”

 

Jane clears her throat. “Uh, yeah, Lucas is right. And it’s my turn to ask a question.” Jane turns towards Max. “Max, would you… would you ever kiss a girl?”

 

Max lets out a light laugh and responds, “I’d do it right now for five bucks.”

 

Dustin checks his pockets and comes up with nothing, earning a laugh from the group.

 

“Okay, my turn. Excellent.” Max rubs her hands together, undoubtedly scheming.

 

“Mike,” she says, tilting her head and feigning a curious smile, “why so cuddly with Jane tonight? Something we should know about?”

 

Mike stops short. “Uh, me and Jane are still just friends for now, if that’s what you mean.”

 

“And do you want it to be that way, Mike?” Max crosses her arms.

 

“That’s… that’s, uh,” Mike swallows, “that’s a second question. I think it’s my turn now.” Max lets out a sigh of defeat. She’s been bested this time. “Dustin, what was your first kiss like?”

 

“Easy. Pretty hot and heavy. Summer camp. Susie. We were studying robotics…but it turned steamy.”

“Eugh, dude, we were like thirteen!” Mike spits.

 

“That’s kinda gross to hear, Dustin,” El agrees.

 

“Whatever,” says Dustin, “it was hot.”

 

“Just ask your question,” Max says, scrunching her nose.

 

“M’kay. Will.” Immediately, Will feels everyone turn to him and shivers underneath their eyes. “Have you ever had a crush on someone within the Party?” Will feels his throat go dry.

 

The truth is, he’s had much more than a crush on a particular Party member, but he obviously won’t verbalize that. But it’s a truth circle, and friends don’t lie. “Uh. Yeah.”

 

Will looks up at Mike just to see he’s already been staring at Will intently. God, he can’t do this now. Mike’s eyebrow twitches and he looks a little breathless… Will can feel their breath hitch in sync.

 

“Oh my god, who?” Will’s head snaps back up at Dustin.

 

“Yeah, who is it,” everybody seems to ask at once. The eyes become too much again.

 

“Uh…” Will lets out. What is he supposed to say? That it’s a boy? That it’s Mike? Will looks at Mike for help because of-fucking-coarse he does, he still treats Mike like his savior and he probably always will. Someone to cower behind pathetically because that’s all he could ever do. And Mike isn’t looking at him, he’s looking at El, so now Will knows he’s stupid.

“You guys are dumb,” Mike says, still looking at El. “There’s only two girls here, and one of them is his sister. It’s obviously Max.” Will sighs, and only then does Mike look at him. “It was for like, two days,” Will lies. The doorbell rings, signaling the arrival of food, and the truth circle dissolves completely.

Will never talks the rest of the night and leaves early. Nobody notices.