Work Text:
yo wsp im T3L3PH0N3 imma femboy emo popstar and rapper and im writin this rn its 7am and im listening to lil tecca :P enjoy!!!!! (p.s. : if u know me lemme know whatchu think!!)
also if dialouge is in parantheses its a ad lib (sorry if it takes long to update im *gulp* empl*yed)
(I support all these artists the jokees are in fun i fw allem ion support harrassment or condone bullying cuz this is about my idols, XD)
bumpin that
bumpin that
365 partygirl
GASP !!!!!
Carti wakes up from a crazyyyyyyyyyy dream, he is having poor sleep schedules due to his asthma and the release of I AM MUSIC, as well as managing opium, and is seeing visions of a black haired, raving, british popstar.
“SEEEYUH, whats going on? I need to get better sleep and work on some music, FWEAAHHHH”. Carti exclaimed.
Beep !
Carti’s phone rings, he answers.
“Oh Noo!!!! (no!)” Carti panics.
Its the parent company of Opium, and his record contractors… Interscope.
he picks up
“Whats good????, (HOMIXIDE!!!)”
The CEO is not fucking around. “MR JORDAN CARTER!!!! NOT ONLY DID IT TAKE YOU FIVE YEARS TO RELEASE AN ALBUM BUT YOU STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED OUR DEAL!!!!”
“Deal, what deal tho?, (slatt, swamp izzo~!)” Carti shouted.
The ceo is tired of his shit. “And why on god’s earth are you mumbling random words?”
Carti nonchalantly and swiftly replies, “Im doing ad-libs!! (ad-libs!!! seeeyuhh!)”
“You have to join in and executive produce some studio sessions, remember????”, His boss reminds him.
“of courseeee daddy :3!!! (daddy!!! Huh huh huh!)”
“I don't get payed enough for this i should be a billionaire!” The CEO says, he hangs up.
“Man that guys a bum! (bum!!! opium homixide, SEEYUH!)”
“Lemme go get dressed!!! (dressed!!!!)”
Carti rolls out of his bed, he throws his child support letters in the trash can and puts on a fire fit, he puts on vetements pants, rick owens sneakers, a balenciaga crop top (he a little zesty with it), and balmain sunglasses. The drip is crazyyy.
He walks out of his house, silently, with aura. Carti uses his keys to unlock his car.
Not an Audi R8, he don't like those. Its a daytona and he tinted the windows.
Carti hops in and blasts some unfinished songs, driving to the studio in la, hes pulling up to sound city, the famous studio.
He hops out the whip and into the studio, on the way he sees none other than Sabrina Carpenter.
Sabrina walks up to him. “OHMYGOD Carti u got so much aura”
Carti smiles and waves away.
Sabrina shouts out at, “thats that me espresso!”
Carti gives her his ig and walks in.
Carti takes off his Vetements coat and puts it on the coat rack and is greeted by Kendrick Lamar and The Weeknd.
“Hey carti can we work on album your making???” The Weeknd politely asks, with puppy eyes. “Pretty pweassseee with a cherry on top??”
“Carti my evil twinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn lets make a song for that pleaseee” Kendrick chimes in, ” Carti responds “Shitttt i mean i would but i lowkey gotta see Onyx who i care for very much! (aye, bih!)’’ “You havent seen that boy in 4 months you can wait a little longer!!!” The Weeknd says. “Alright, alright. (be bee bee be carti!)” Carti gives in.
They go to record and make peak 10/10 music for hours, they probably wont release it but maybe if King Bob escapes jail he could leak it! “That was amazing, lets not release that except for a 20 second ig clip (homixide homixide, FWEAHH!!)” Carti exclaims! “I agree bro!” The Weeknd says in solidarity.
The Weeknd and Kendrick leave. Carti walks into the studio and sees a beautiful black haired, half indian half british woman in rave clothes and sluttly lil cunty sunglasses.
"(FWEAHH!) DAMN GIRL U FINE HOMIXIDE HOMIXIDE!!!!" Carti shouts!
It is the one, the only, Charli XCX. "Bumpin that, its Charli baby" charli says with aura and swag.
Carti walks up, nonchalantly and shows her his instagram QR code, she scans it and says "SWAMP IZZO" and walks away
Carti records some music that he may or may not drop depending on if he cares about society that day.
Carti leaves the studio and takes his private jet on a long, emotionally intense 4 minute flight back to his house, he's tryna reach high Co2 emissions like his idols Travis Scott and Taylor Swift.
(writin this next part at 3am i lowkey should be asleep, phone on low batter, 2 be continuedd)
Carti exits his jet and awnsers the phone while he walkin home (shit rhymed lowk he could use that in BABY BOI)
he picks up and Charli calls.
"hiii Jordan Carter my icon its Charli bb sorry i didnt talk much i got so intimidated by your nonchalantness, could we hangout later at my place in london??"
Carti instantly responds! "YEAH!!! FWEAHH REAL SHIT! (SEEEYUH) ILL SEE(YUH) THERE IN LIKE A DAYYY!!!! I GOT SUM PARTY THERE TOO IM PERFORMIN!!!"
"Oh yeah i might be djing"
They exchange goodbyes and kisses and carti blushes and flusters!!! OWO
He runs to his house like a kawaii anime girl. "SHES SOOO SUGOI NYAAA" he shouts. quoting Nyan Neko Sugar Girls!
Carti based his voice off of raku chan!!!! (trust me its true)
He leaps into his house and calls his pilot up right away along with ken carson.
"YO WASSUP PILOT AND KEN (FWEAH SEEEYUH)"
"what the fuck do u want carti its 3am?!??!" the pilot replies
"we goin to london tmmrrwww ? LONDON PARIS AMSTERDAM YEA IM OVERSEASSS *FUH---" - ken questions
"Hell yea be ready tmmrw OR ELSE MWAHHAHAHHA FWEAH" carti screams with terror and happiness, he hangs up sugoi-ly
carti falls asleep while listening to the roman remix of SUper freaky girl by Nicki MInaj