What we use to have, we can have again? / We always did.

by sonic_silvermist

Summary:

Caine, their excited, loud, maybe annoying ringmaster. That's all he is right? Right?

Soon the crew learn that Caine's been keeping secrets, some that Kinger seems to know a lot about.

Then again maybe there was a secret kept from even them, from everyone? And maybe this secret changes everything.

Notes:

This happens before episode 6, closer to episode 5.

 

Its been so long since I wrote, gotta get back into my groove lol. Hope you like chapter 1, hopefully I am not too rusty!

:)

Chapter 1: Same old Caine, right?

Day after day. Day after day. Day after day. That's what repeated in Caine's head as the humans of his world returned complaining after another adventure. It seemed that no matter what he did they would never be satisfied. They would never be happy. That was his whole purpose after all, and if he couldn't even do that what was the point? Why should he care?

But this wasn't the time for that. Even though he knew he was a failure he had to keep trying, he could sit in self pity later he thought. Right now he still has to care for his humans.

“Caine, if you ever send us on an adventure like that again, I will kill you.” Ah, Jax. One of the main reasons it's been especially hard to keep up the mask as of late.

“Jax, leave him alone it was a fine adventure,” sweet Ragatha, she tried to spare his feelings but he knew even she had a strong distaste for anything he did. They all did.

Pomni, his newest human, was the next to speak up, “maybe we can try the suggestion box again next time? I didn’t mind the last one.” Only Zooble seemed to agree with her but he would consider it. He hated that stupid box, it hurt to read what his humans really thought, but he guessed it couldn’t be helped. It was their honest opinion after all. He just wished the suggestions could be kinder to him.

There's only so many times he could read about how he should kill himself.

While Caine was lost deep in thought Ragatha noticed his lack of comments, “Caine? Are you okay?” She asked, it wasn't normal for their Ringmaster to be quiet this long, or ever actually.

Without a second thought Caine threw his mask back up, “I will take your suggestion and make sure the next adventure is a real show stopper!” He yelled, not answering her question. Most of the crew seemed to take that answer however there was a slight shift in Kinger's mood, unnoticed by most, except for surprisingly Zooble.

They looked at Kinger with suspension, then at Caine and back at Kinger. They thought they were just imagining it at first, but they did notice there was a noticeable change in their ringmaster's mood lately. Not that they would ever admit they cared but they would keep an eye out. After all, they remembered the last time Caine got upset.

Zooble was quickly pulled out of this thought however when Caine loudly announced, “I hope you all had a great time! I will see you tomorrow for another amazing adventure, my blossoming lilies!” He took a glance at Kinger before raising his hand and with a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

“Well I'm taking a nap, later losers,” Jax said as he put his arms behind his head and walked off. Pomni and Ragatha soon departed as well, leaving only Gangle, Kinger and Zooble.

As Zooble watched Kinger crawl into his pillow fort they heard Gangle call out to them, “Zooble! Want to go draw with me?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’ll catch up to you in a minute, there’s just something I have to do first.” With that Gangle gave them a smile, their own natural small smile, not the exaggerated mask one, and left.

Zooble waited until Gangle was fully out of sight before turning to Kinger's fort. There was a certain chess piece they had to talk to.

---

Deep in the circus map, far out of the sight from the players, sat a small trembling figure. Now if anyone saw what was happening they would think they were moments from abstraction, but in this secluded spot sat the curled up form of their beloved Ringmaster. With the theatrics gone, the shaders down, revealed the true Caine. The Caine that let himself take a moment to feel. To hurt.

This Caine was smaller, looked younger, and more importantly looked more tired. A closer look revealed how he shook with loud sobs he knew the others could not hear. 'Not that they would care', he thought to himself. After all, he knew that if anyone saw what he was about to do they would probably be happy.

He slowly rolled up his sleeves revealing years of scaring, some so deep that his character model would forever have them. He remembered when he first started this, after a player told him to.

What was his name?

Ḏ̴̒̄̑̅̂͠ò̵̹̼b̸̬͍̞̬͌͒̃͆͑b̸̹̦̕͜y̵͎͍̐͒͆̾̚

He shook his head at the thought. He to punish himself for another failed adventure. He failed everyone. He failed Jax, Pomni, Ragatha, Gangle, Zooble. And more importantly the person he failed the most, the person he knew was glaring at him with deep hatred just moments ago, Kinger.

 

 

D̶̸̶̴̶̶̶̶̴̴̷̴̵̸̶̴̶̶̵̴̷̷̷̴̵̴̷̵̴̷̷̨̳̩̗͚̣̟̱̦̐̿̿̓͗ͫ͊ͨ̿͋̽͗̈͛ͅa̷̸̴̶̶̵̵̶̵̴̸̴̵̴̵̵̵̷̸̵̶̷̴̷̴̷̶̶̴̵̶̴̸̴̡̨̨̖̜̟͉̤͚̫̍̈́͛ͥ̐͌͋̈́̅ͬ͂̍͒̆̐͘͘d̵̶̶̶̸̸̶̸̴̶̵̶̴̷̷̶̷̸̸̶̵̵̶̶̵̷̴̵̷̷̵̷̷̴̸̵̷̸̵̵̵̴̷̵̸̴̶̶̸̷̷̴̷̶̨̪͇̖̪̱͙̪͍͍͍̱̲̳̼̱̥̐͑̇̔̃ͣ͑ͫ̉͋̓ͧ̋̄̈́̔̿ͯ̔ͣ͘͜͠͝

 

 

Chapter 2: Again? What does he mean?

Summary:

Zooble seeks help with Caine from Kinger, he had been there the longest after all.

The reaction they got however, was nothing they ever expected.

The glitching, the flinches when a circus member got too close, the spacing out, everything. Zooble saw it all.  No matter how much their Ringmaster tried to hide or deny, Zooble knew something was wrong. They tried bringing it up the best they could with the others, but were met with not the best reactions. They couldn’t blame them, though. Even if they would have also ignored it, that is, until the therapy session after all.

Since then, Zooble kept a closer eye on Caine, and they didn't like what they were seeing. There were lots of signs, and nothing pointed to a good outcome. Which led them to where they were now.

About to ask Kinger for help.

---

Entering the pillow fort felt different, foreign to them. They never went in but assumed it was smaller than it actually was. It reminded them of some show, but they didn’t know which; they never got around to watching it. 

Looking around, they understood why Kinger retreated here so often. It was comforting. They just hoped that he was able to help, even if he was the least sane person there.

Going closer to the center of the Fort, they saw Kinger, but he didn't seem to notice them. He was too focused on whatever was in his hands. Zooble thought it was some broken prop at first, but no. Looking closer they could see it looked like a…stuffed bee? It was definitely old, frayed and worn, but looked loved. They saw as Kinger held it gently, stroking the torn wings with trembling fingers. They had never seen it before, was it Kinger's or someone else?

Zooble shook their head. That didn't matter right now. A certain AI did. 

“Hey, Kinger?” Their words left their mouth with less confidence then they thought they had right now.

Still, it caused Kinger to jump where he sat, “oh! Zooble, I didn’t see you there. "He looked down nervously at the bee and quickly put it behind him. Zooble didn’t care right now about that honestly. "What can I help you with, dear?” 

Zooble blinked. He sounded…normal? Too normal. They raised an eyebrow before moving closer. They guessed it was actually better this way; maybe Kinger would actually be able to help them. “It's about Caine, actually.” 

Kinger seemed to tense at this, “Oh, well, I wish I could be of help, Zooble, but you should go to someone else.” His voice was dismissive. Wait. Dismissive? Kinger?

Zooble felt a ping of anger at the response. They were not someone to be brushed off, they didn’t put up with Jax and they wouldn’t put up with whatever Kinger had going on. “Kinger, come on. There's something wrong with him, and you have been here the longest. There’s something different about him.”

Kinger made what seemed to be an almost bitter laugh, “he’s always off Zooble. He controls this place; it's best not to get close.” 

What was wrong with him? This wasn’t like him? Kinger was never this…cold. Sure he avoided topics, but this? Something was up, and he knew about it. “No,” Zooble started, voice hardening, “ Kinger, something bad is happening to him, and you can't keep pretending you don’t see it. I know you do, I've seen how you look at him. You know what's going on. And I don’t know what's going on with you, but if Caine falls apart, we all do. You might have some weird history with him, I don’t care what it is, but something needs to happen.”

Zooble took a moment before continuing, “It's like he’s burning out or something. Maybe something else happened, but we need to do something. Even if you don’t want to help him-”

“I do!” Kinger cut them off with a crack of his voice, turning to them with tears in his eyes. Then it seems he realized what he said as he jerks, turning away from them.

Wait. Kinger actually did care? Yet continued to ignore what was happening? They couldn’t hold back their anger “then why don't you!?” They yelled, fist trembling at their side, “why don’t you do something?!”

Kinger put his hands on his head, stuffed bee, clenched tightly in his right one. He yelled back, in the most anguished voice Zooble has ever heard Kinger have, "You don’t understand! If I get close, he’ll just hate me more. He’ll just get hurt again!”

Now. That caused Zooble to stop. Again? Kinger hurt Caine? “What? What does that even mean?!” After yelling this, they waited, but they got no response. They tried to get closer to Kinger to get him to explain, but the older man seemed like he was done speaking. 

“You know what!? Fine! I don't know what you are talking about but I am not dealing with it. If you won't do anything, I will!.” With a huff, Zooble stormed off. They couldn’t deal with this right now. Leaving the tent they came to for answers, Zooble walked away with only more questions. They did have one thought on their mind, however,

Caine wasn’t safe

---

Zooble left Kinger alone, leaving the older man with his thoughts. Images of the beginning flashed in his mind. Queenie. His wife, his love, his world. Caine. His practically son, an AI he and his wife guided in his early stages.

Then more images flashed. Queenie, her abstraction, her last moments. It was all his fault. Caine, the hurt look in his eyes as he trapped Queenie in the basement, the way he shook as Kinger got closer.

He wanted to help.

He really, really did.

But he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t hurt Caine the way he did.

He didn’t deserve to be in Caine’s life.

It was for the best. 

---

Hidden away, Caine continued his self-punishment and thought of images of the beginning.  Queenie. His basically adoptive mother, his light, his comfort. Kinger.  His basically adoptive father, his rock, his guidance.

Then more images flashed. Queenie, her abstraction, her last moments. It was all his fault. Kinger, the hurt look in his eyes as he trapped Queenie in the basement, the way he shook with anger as Kinger got closer. 

He wanted help.

He really, really did.

But he couldn't do it again. He couldn’t hurt Kinger the way he did.

He didn’t deserve to be in Kinger's life.

He didn’t deserve to be in anyone’s life.

It was for the best.

---

Neither knew that outside of their respective doors, someone sat listening to their cries.

Zooble knew they had to do something.

 

 

 

Bubble knew they had to do something.

Notes:

Caine and Kinger both thinking the other hates them. Oh, the horror, let's put them threw some more heartache.

 

I hope you guys enjoyed! Chapter 3 is already in progress. I thought I would keep them shorter to get them out quicker. What do you think? Or would you all prefer longer chapters?

Chapter 3: Admin?

Summary:

Zooble decides it time to ask for help

at the same time Kinger used abilities he swore to never use again

 Zooble sighed as they laid on their bed thinking about the day they were going to have. It’s been about a week since their talk with Kinger and in that time they observed Caine closer than before.Which led them to the decision they were currently dreading. 

Talking to the others. 

About how they felt. 

To get help.

 The easiest two they could get to help was probably Ragatha and Gangle, since something was up with Kinger. After that, maybe Pomni, maybe. Jax was a hard no. If anything he would just make it worse. 

With a groan they got up out of bed, no sense in waiting around.

---

Ragatha sat on the couch in the lounge with the others. Surprisingly Zooble asked them to meet up earlier than their normal adventure time. Everyone but Jax came, he said he really didn’t care what the ‘jigsaw puzzle’ had to say and surprisingly Kinger. He seemed more off, than normal. Maybe what Zooble was going to tell them explained why? 

Luckily they did not have to wait long, because soon their colorful friend came hobbling into the room. They all waited for Zooble as they took a seat on the couch as well. They seemed to collect their thoughts by dragging a hand(?) down their face.

“Hey guys,” Zooble greeted them.

“Good morning Zooble!” Ragatha greeted, “what’s up? Not that we wouldn’t want to come talk to you or anything , it's just normally you don’t ask us to come out earlier. Not that anything is wrong with that!” Ragatha began to ramble to herself, but a gentle touch to the shoulder from Pomni put her in check. Quickly relaxing her nerves.

Zooble gave her an understanding look, everyone knew of Ragatha’s anxiety even though she herself didn’t admit to it. “It’s okay Ragatha. I actually asked you guys to come here to talk about Caine.” 

Pomni sighed and rolled her eyes. “What did he do this time?” She asked with an annoyed tone, Zooble felt a ping of annoyance themselves. Though, not towards Caine, but Pomni, they didn’t even say anything yet and they could already hear the comments coming. 

“He didn’t do anything Pomni, I wanted to ask you guys if you noticed anything off with him?”

Gangle leaned forward, “what do you mean?” 

Zooble sighed heavily and said, “I think Caine is in danger.”

---

Kinger threw his hands up in frustration. After Zooble left a week ago he started to think more about Caine. He knew something was wrong, he really did. He just was afraid to admit it, he kept his distance from Caine to keep him safe, but was that the right decision? It seemed that once they lost Queenie and Kinger swore to never put Caine through that again they boy just got worse and worse.

Kinger felt like he failed. 

Failed his son. 

And Caine wasn’t the only one.

He thought about his baby boy, in the real world, The one he lost. The one he also failed.

Two failed sons. 

Two lives ruined.

And it was all his fault.

He shook his head violently, he couldn’t think like that right now. He might have failed one, but he still had time to save the other. Which is what caused him his current frustration, he was using his old admin abilities to see if he could help Caine. Not many ever knew about these abilities, and it seems that Caine himself forgot. He was using said abilities to try and see if he could help Caine, see what was wrong with his files. 

It seemed though that most of his files were either corrupted, blocked, or missing. He couldn’t understand how such a complex AI had so little supporting files. Maybe if he checked elsewhere?

He thought about the different files that could help as he searched and none seemed to help as he pried each one open. Finally he came across one that he swore he wouldn’t open in fear of hurting someone. Player files. 

It appeared he had no choice however. 

He opened them up to reveal many files. Many corrupted, unable to be opened again. It hurt because just by counting he knew it was from the abstracted. He wanted to stop but he knew he couldn’t instead he looked at the available files:

[[???]]

[[Kinger]]

[[Ragatha]]

[[Jax]]

[[Zooble]]

[[Gangle]]

[[Pomni]]

Everything seemed to be in order? ‘Wait’ Kinger thought to him self, [[???]] what file was that? Last time he and Queenie looked in these files to find away out, something he learned was impossible, it was not there.

[[???]]

Those question marks stared at him and he stared back.

He had to open it.

He had to.

He swore he would never open player files again, but he had to. With a hesitant motion he went to open the file. And the file contained something that would stop his entire world. It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t. It was impossible.

It was a photo of-

Notes:

I don't know why this chapter was so hard for me to figure out, decided to use it as a transition between bigger scenes ;)

Notes:

I hope you guys liked chapter 1! Chapter 2 will be out soon! This chapter was just a short starter to get me motivated again, but I have defiantly been writing since!

This was also inspired by Not What it Seems by FunHouseofHorrors & LunarRepublic46
https://archiveofourown.org/works/66815743/chapters/172424974

you should check it out!