Chapter Text
“...I hope you understand,” Joan smiled at him sadly while caressing his knuckles with her thumb. “I really like you, James, but I think we should focus on finding our soulmates. I can’t do it while in a relationship, and sometimes… Sometimes you are a bit… A bit….”
“Too much?” he supplied her helpfully with a phrase he must have heard a million times by now.
“Yes...”she stared at him, with... Ah, was that pity in her gaze? How incredibly fucking lovely. “I just hope we can still be friends, you...” the bright smile returned to her face as she continued.
James just sighed.
This wasn’t his first break up, no. This must have been like... Seventh? Yeah, Joan was the seventh person he dated in the last few years... First, was Marlene, one of his friends from Gryffindor he had known since childhood, which honestly, had to do more with discovering kissing than love. And the break up? Well, that was just realising they were so obviously better of as friends.
Then, in the fifth year, he dated a bunch, a girl and some dude from Hufflepuff and a girl, back then sixth year, Gryffindor (that one actually made James quite popular with upperclassmen, which his friends teased him for). During summer, there were his neighbours visiting niece in Godric’s Hollow, and... Hmm...And that was all honestly.
So, Joan was sixth, not seventh.
But at the end of the day it didn't matter who it was, which house or how great of a boyfriend James was. It didn't matter because, it all ended, someway, somehow and all those times he heard;
“...And I know I said it didn’t matter to me we are not soulmates” Joan scrunched her eyebrows “But don’t you think we both deserve to look for ours then to waste time?”
James almost scoffed. Wow, he did it five times but no one ever called him a ‘waste of time’ before, at least not to his face. He should have probably been mad about it, angry just a little bit, right?
But he just couldn’t.
His anger wouldn’t change the fact that Joan was right.
She deserved her soulmate. She was pretty, interesting and as a good Ravenclaw, freaking smart. Of course she wanted to find someone who would be literally meant to be hers... Of course she wanted someone that would not be too much for her. Someone she could actually love.
He wanted it himself!
Being raised as he was, in a house with picture perfect soulmates as his parents, it would be hard to want anything less right?
Those reminders like a little potion bottle decorating James’ mother ring finger, and a little tattooed sun on his father’s wrist or how they danced together in the kitchen when they thought their son had fallen asleep and showered each other with presents and affection. THAT was true magic, so yeah, he was pretty much sold on this predestined love idea since birth and well...
Sun was hot, the water was wet and James was a hopeless romantic.
What his, now, ex-girlfriend did not know was that he was also a hopeless soul.
That one person who was an exception to the rule that everybody had their soulmark, and therefore did not have a soulmate.
Yup, that's how he learned the word irony when he turned eleven.
He remembered not being able to sleep the day before he was supposed to get his soulmark. His parents must have read him, like five bedtime stories, but James was still babbling about how cool it is to have a soulmate. He was too excited to sleep! Was his mark going to be helpful, like a name or initials? Maybe it would be a symbol? A little drawing, then? Was he going to have some soulmate superpowers like some great wizards did? His mother only laughed at his unending questions, but James had noticed that sparkle in her eyes, she was as excited as he was.
Somehow he managed to dream that night. He dreamt of flying... Dark night sky, with not a bit of clouds called to him. The full moon lit up the way, as he flew around, spiraled along the trees and floated above the glistening surface of the lake. He stopped there for a while, looking at himself in the water, when the starry sky distracted him. He was about to turn around, look at it longer, maybe even catch it...
When the dream threw him into the lake he woke up gasping.
His eleven year old self didn’t even bother with how abruptly that dream ended. He woke up, saw the sunrise behind the window and squealing with joy, while practically running to the big mirror in his bathroom.
Little James looked at himself, like at a stranger, curiosity eating him from the inside as he wore his glasses.
His face looked the same. Or did it? He giggled while pushing his hair back and inspecting his forehead thoroughly. No soulmark there. His eyes blinked a few times at him, slipping to his nose decorated with some freckles, and then to the smooth skin on his jaw, and neck... James squinted at the skin on his arms... Nothing. What if it was under his clothes? Yes! He removed his pajamas and continued looking for his soulmark.
He couldn't find anything. The doubt shadowed on him, as he put back on his clothes.
Maybe he just woke up too early?
Effie and Monty got him from his room hours later, matching grins and celebratory pancakes in their hands.
And then... Then they asked about it. James just asked them to help him look, still hoping that he can blame not finding it himself on the time or maybe the poor eye-sight... But they didn’t find anything as well.
In the world of magic and predestined love, the world James believed in… there was no love for him.
His mother wondered, maybe his soulmate wasn’t born yet (which little James found really yucky, bonded to an infant, but was it really worse than having no one at all?), his father insisted they must have missed something. The only people that didn’t have marks were muggles - no magic no magical love (which both little James, and James now agreed was kind of sad) but he, James Potter, was not a muggle. He had magic! At least for that one he had proof.
James hated the universe for doing this. He hated the universe and magic, for standing in the way of his love story!
So how could he now, stay in the way for Joan’s?
“You are right” he managed his best fake smile. “And of course we can still be friends, Joan. I understand and I truly...” he felt like choking on these words, “wish you the best”
“Oh, dear...” she extended her arms to hug him, and James reluctantly embraced her “I am so glad” she stepped back “If you ever need anything I mean anything, you know where to find me” Joan promised.
And just like that. It was done. Did she rehearse it?
Now, James just really needed his best friends.
And maybe some chocolate... If he tells them about the break up, Remus would for sure give him some from his ’secret’ stash.
James walked through the castle, his mind still on soulmates, but his eyes wandered through the snowy landscape. The Christmas break was few days away, (which, by the way, who the fuck breaks up days before Christmas Eve?) and James was pretty happy to see his parents again. Maybe he would convince them to throw a New Year’s party for his friends again? Last time it was actually lovely.
He skipped over the last flight of stairs and quickly muttered the password to enter Gryffindor’s common room and then the staircase to his dorm.
Doors squeaked when he threw them wide open and practically divided onto his best friend’s bed with a loud groan.
“James!” Remus’ voice got to him “Your shoes are on my fucking sheets! Off!”
He whined into the blanket, while shaking his feet. Both shoes fell off with a dull thud.
“You alright there, Prongs?” Peter asked him from his corner of the room. The piece of furniture creaked when his other friend jumped from it and sat on the far end of Remus’ bed. “I was sure today is Sirius’ time to be the dramatic one,” he joked.
James cracked a smile at that and slowly rotated so he faced the burgundy canopy over their heads.
“Sirius is always the dramatic one” he smiled up at two blond boys “Where is he by the way? I need my whole support system today”
Remus’ face turned thoughtful, and after a few moments, he reached out for the parchment that lay on his side table and whispered a charm. The paper lit up with inked drawings, and moving dots, from which Remus caught the one with Sirius’ name, indicating the fields around the lake.
“Oh, yeah, he with Regulus.” Remus read the name next to the other dot. “They are finally hanging out again. Good.” he smiled fondly “But why do you need all of us, now?”
James’ lips tighten into a line.
“She broke up with me,” he admitted quickly.
“Shit, mate” Peter said “m’sorry”
“Fuck. I am getting you chocolate” Remus chimed in and lifted himself from the bed.
James sighed.
“Why did I think that its going to be different this time?!” he exclaimed. “I knew it wasn’t her… Why…?”
Remus returned with one of his chocolate frogs and gripped James’ ankle.
“Are you going to try and get her back?” he questioned.
“Nah, she… I shouldn’t”
“The soulmate thing?”
“Yup”
James took another deep breath and let Remus lie down alongside him and hug him, while Peter patted the top of his dark curls. By now, his friends knew very well what he responded to so they knew what he needed after a heartbreak.
After six years they truly knew almost everything about him. His secrets, his hopes, his dreams. They met his parents and stayed over breaks sometimes, or a few weeks in the summer... James knew that his mom loved having them over. When he was younger he recalled his mother asking him if he wanted siblings. Then he also remembered the conversations their parents had, that his few years old mind did not grasp back then... Now that he was older he knew what his mother went through. He knew why having all of James’ friends could be bittersweet…
But losses from his parents' past never determined their relationship with James’ friends. They loved them, and treated Sirius, Remus and Peter (sometimes even the girls, Lily, Mary and Marlene) as their own. And even though Effie tried to deny it, everyone knew Sirius was her favourite, even before he had run away from his house and ended up at Potter Manor.
James wasn’t even mad about it.
Actually, he loved it.
Before, Sirius talked about his home life occasionally, really, he didn’t want to ‘burden them’, which James, Remus and Peter sighed at, but they weren’t stupid. He would return from the holidays with marks, bruises...scars even. Sometimes nightmares woke him up, but before they did, James could hear pleas to the invisible threat. Sirius would flinch if anyone from outside of the “he-explicitly-expressed-his-permission-to-touch-him” circle made a move at him.
James actually hated himself for not piecing it together earlier, and getting Sirius out from this house back in first year.
He also could never quite forgive himself for not taking Regulus, Sirius’ little brother, with. James had no idea if Walburga and Orion treated his younger son as well as their previously precious heir. Besides ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’ and the latest addition of ‘Potter, where can I find my idiot brother’, there was not much communication between them.
James tried a few times, cracking a joke or making a (don’t tell Sirius) flirty comment (What!? James just couldn’t help flirting with cute guys and gals). He was always hoping for some kind of reaction, maybe a friendly smile but the younger Black would just look at him,like at a blank wall.
Maybe now that Sirius started actually talking to dear Reggie (not fighting in every corridor, like they used to do after Sirius ran away), they would all bond or something.
The door to their room swung open which ripped him out of his thoughts.
“Moony, guess wha...!” Sirius stopped in his steps and stared at them cuddling up on Remus’ bed. “Why are we hugging James?” he asked, crooking his head to the side as he always does when he is Padfoot.
“Prongs went through a break up so we are smothering him with love” Remus muttered , wrapping himself tighter around James’ waist.
“So you are saying...” Sirius’ mouth made up a shit-eating grin “ ...that Joan is Gone?”
James smirked and Peter rolled his eyes.
“How long were you waiting to make this joke?” Remus asked and opened one of his arms to Sirius in an inviting gesture.
Sirius just cheered quietly and nestled himself on James’ left side, his head on Peter’s lap and his fingers intertwined with Remus’. He was truly the biggest cuddler from all of them.
“She is gone” James just confirmed as Sirius shuffled to look him directly in the eyes.
“Do I have permission to react to this information as I really want?”
“Sure, Pads” it was time for him to do an eye roll.
His best friend inhaled slowly.
“Fuck yeah!” he screamed and the rest of the boys laughed “Honestly, James why did you date her!?”
“She's actually really nice...” James stepped up in Joan’s defence.
“She wasn’t that nice, Prongs” Peter opposed. “Remember when she tried to blow up that poor mouse in the great hall? A mouse! Some Hufflepuff was that girl...”
“She is a Ravenclaw”
“Then she should’ve been smarter, than trying to kill a defenceless animal!”
Remus hummed in agreement.
“And she didn’t like Pads” he reminded everyone in the room, his brows scrunching slightly “You shouldn’t date someone that doesn’t like Sirius”
“True” Sirius agreed “I am pretty sure she thought I have a crush on you”
James faked a dramatic gasp.
“You don’t!?” he exclaimed, clutching his chest.
Sirius just punched him lightly.
“Also she would have been a drag at the New Year’s party” Peter added “ at the last Quidditch afterparty she was like... scoffing at everyone who was slightly drunk”
Now everyone made some noises of agreement.
Then Sirius scrambled himself up urgently with an exhale. He looked a bit panicked.
“I almost forgot!” he gasped out “I came in here to tell you something!”
James cocked an eyebrow at him.
“So, you know I am talking to Reg lately “ Sirius continued, his eyes shifting around the room “I actually think we are making progress in the whole ... back on track brothers department”
“That’s great Pads” Remus encouraged him softly.
“Yeah, um, so I thought that maybe during the Christmas break...” James’ best friend started tapping slowly at Remus’ fingers, like they were piano keys “ I don’t want to lose that...that progress with him, so maybe, I thought...” he looked straight at James face “Canregcometonewyearsparty?”
“What?”
“I thought maybe Regulus could also come to the party?” Sirius repeated the words, this time slower, and calmer “Maybe if he sees how I live now... How amazing it is with you, and Effie and Monty...How amazing life can be outside that house, maybe he would also want to get out?”
James scowled. Was Sirius really that nervous just about... What even was that? Didn’t Sirius know he could invite anyone he wants to Potter Manor? It was his home as well. Or did he think that James would have something against Regulus? Or his parents would?
“Sirius it’s not even a question” James smiled at him “You can invite anyone you want, mate”
“Yeah, yeah, I knew you would say something like that “ Sirius went back to playing with Remus’ fingers “But Reg is... Old-fashioned? Socially constipated? I don't know which one more, but he doesn’t like going places where he is not explicitly welcomed to... So I thought...”
“That I should invite him?”
“Please?” Sirius added.
And there were no questions needed. His best friend needed his help. Regulus possibly needed his help. There was no question.
“Maybe I will also ask his friends?” James proposed “So he doesn’t feel too out of place?”
And Sirius’ eyes glistened. Not even a second later James had an armful of Padfoot’s black fur and pink tongue licking his face. Ah, yeah, the animagi turn when Sirius was excited wasn’t really new.
“I think the barking is thank you’s” Remus laughed looking at them.
And James...
James was just happy to help.
- - -
Walking into the dungeons shouldn’t be that weird by now.
He walked those corridors million times already, for some of the classes, and mostly pranks that the Marauders played on other students..
Usually though, he had his friends with him, the invisible cloak, and the goal was never a civil talk with four Slytherins.
So yeah, here he was, walking down the dark hallway like he belonged here. People sort of stared, but well, when did they not? When you are a captain of the Quidditch team and famous for elaborate and disruptive pranks that stop classes at least once a month, people talk about you a lot. Only at first it was kind of unsettling, because James really thought he was an open book.
Did they know he was an unregistered Animagus? Did they know that his best friend is a werewolf? Did they finally discover that he is a fraud, glorifying love and happiness while he himself didn’t even have a soulmate?
He knew better now. People could talk, but they would never really know him.
The rumours about him were usually harmless; that he actually had a perfect eye-sight and wore glasses to be more cool (not true), that he kissed Sirius at the party (True, it was a game and they were sloshed, don’t ask) or that he was the one responsible for cursing sixth year Slytherin boys to talk only in ancient latin for a week (not true, regrettably).
As he said, mostly harmless.
The stares stopped, when he finally turned to the hallway where the entrance to the Slytherin common room was, surprisingly noticing no one in front of the door. Lucky, he thought, if someone was here they would probably hex him. Like Avery, or Snape or something, ugh…
The door screeched open and apparently, James luck wasn’t that strong because someone was leaving through them.
“’Shit” he muttered and looked for a hiding spot, but he was too late.
“Potter?” a confused voice called him.
James was faced with no other but Evan Rosier, who was from sixth year and Regulus’ roommate, as well as, pretty close friend. Score.
“Hello, Evan” James sent him a (hopefully) friendly smile. “Great to see you!”
“What are you doing here, Potter” Evan demanded, his arms crossed and eyebrows scrunched up “Is it another prank?”
“I don’t think you will believe me even if i truthfully say no.”
Rosier smirked.
“Fat chance”
“Well,” James looked him up and down “I am actually on my way to your dorm, to see Regulus. I was thinking that it would be nice for Sirius and him to spend New Year’s together, so... Can I come in?”
From what James knew about Evan, there was a cold calculation going off in his head, that would decide if James is worth going in with him. Why? Evan was wicked smart, James remembered that the boy had a 50/50 chance of being sorted into Ravenclaw rather than Slytherin, and the only thing that tipped the scale was a mean snark at the Sorting Hat… Like really mean. The damned headpiece was grumpy for the rest of the evening!
James would really rather avoid going on this boy’s wrong side.
“So you want to invite Regulus to your party… Your house?” Evan continued his questioning “To see Sirius”
“Yeah, um” James wondered if telling Evan the truth would help. Did he even want Regulus to have a better relationship with his brother? “I think it would be nice for Regulus to see how it is for Sirius now… Drink good wine, live a little?”
Evan stared at him some more. And, honestly? James should be flattered, with a pretty boy checking him out right? Even if the boy in question is kinda scary. But, hey! It takes special kind of brave to joke with snarky Slytherin, and as a loud and proud Gryffindor, James would like to think he is pretty fucking brave, hence the; “So what do you say Rosie?”
Evan’s eyes flashed dangerously.
“Don’t call me that”
“I won’t if you let me in” James smiled sweetly.
The boy just huffed and quickly muttered the password to the door. James cheered quietly, pumping his fist into the air and approached the door, but suddenly a tight grasp on his arm stopped him.
“I am doing it for Reg” Evan squinted at him “Not. You. Potter”
Woah… Okay.
Then he let him go and led James down the stairs, deeper under the lake. They arrived at the dark wooden door and James was greeted with a four person audience, which... James is pretty sure actually only half of those people lived here.
“Evan, darling, Reg is saying-” Barty Crouch froze mid sentence when he noticed James “ What is Potter doing here?”
That also made other’s attention snap to him.
Regulus' attention was on him.
James always marvelled at how so similar but also strikingly different two brothers were. They both had sharp edged faces, smooth and pale, with charcoal locks and shining eyes, but while Sirius’ face seemed to always had that devilish grin and wild charm to it, Regulus felt so... so whimsical.
If James didn’t know better he would assume he is part Veela... Or a fairy. He would definitely be cool as fuck as a fairy.
That’s why when the boy’s eyes locked on James, he needed a moment to gather his thoughts. Why were his eyes so... so... What was that muggle horror Remus showed them? The one about dying deers? Ah yeah! Bambi!
Why the fuck he looked like fricking Bambi!?
James shook his head.
“Yeah, so, Reggie, I heard your old-fashioned ways require me to do this...” James walked up to him and gave him a little envelope that he charmed, so when Regulus opened it a mini confetti shot at his face.
“Mmm, thank you?” Regulus looked at him in confusion “Is that...?”
Barty walked up to him and took the parchment out of his hand.
“ My dearest, Regulus Arcturus Black... Oh Potter that’s bold” Barty laughed at him “ I OFFICIALLY invite you to my house on the New Year’s day for a party, please come or your brother will cry and I will have to kidnap you, sincerely, yours James Fleamont Potter Ps. bring your lovely friends... Oh Potter you are inviting all of us to a party? How cute of you!”
Regulus snatched the invitation back from him, and his eyes scanned the text, while everybody held their breath. Then he lifted his eyebrows, his face still unsure.
“You... want us there?” he asked carefully.
“Of course!” James hoped that the sincerity in his voice was audible.
Regulus looked at his friends, like he wasn’t quite sure what to think. Fortunately, the boy’s friends seemed to be convinced, whether by James’ invite, their own curiosity or the promise of free alcohol… They nodded at Regulus, encouraging him to agree. James kind of wanted to hug them, although that black haired girl... Dorcas was it? She looked like she might have James killed for that. But still... She nodded.
And then, something fucking incredible happened...
Regulus gazed back to James, the corners of his lips, almost… raised? Was it… A smile?
“I guess we are going to the party”
- - -
This was... not ideal.
“Why did you even let him in!” Regulus hissed at Evan right after James left their room with that stupid perfect grin and a promise of more details in another elaborate letter/invite.
Regulus didn’t even wait for an answer before he collapsed on his bed and wondered how hard it would be to choke himself with a pillow.
“It’s a party, Regulus! Party with alcohol we don’t have to buy and house we don’t have to clean after” Evan snatched his pillow away, and rolled his eyes at how dramatic his friend was being. “And when I checked last... we like your brother now! So... Socialise!”
Regulus sat up on his bed.
“We like Sirius!” he agreed “We don’t like James!”
At that his friends looked at him , then slowly at each other and... they fucking laughed their asses of in his face. Fucking traitors.
“Oh deary” Pandora wiped the invisible tear from her cheek and sat by his bed “That is totally not true and we all know it”
And in that moment Regulus wondered where to find different friends. Preferably ones that would support him in his denial! Or maybe ones who would not let James fucking Potter into his dorm! Honestly! Ugh!
Those friends he had however, knew him. And knew the truth.
The truth that because of some stupid fucking magical... (creature? wizard? God?) Whatever, he was horribly and deeply enamoured with James Potter.
Happy, warm and very unavailable James Potter.
Regulus groaned.
“Don’t be like that Reg!” Barty walked over and mirrored Pandora’s position “That’s literally the perfect opportunity for you to either snog that stupid boy at his party or get completely icked out by the way he opens a beer can with his teeth or something and get over him!”
Ugh, if it would only be that easy, right? Well, it wasn’t.
The thing about Regulus was that he loved his friends, he trusted them and would protect them with his life. He would do anything for them to be happy, and for some unimaginable, to him, reason, his friends would do exactly the same.
That, combined with the fact most of them believed in soulmates, meant... He never told them about the fact he has always suspected that James was his.
When Regulus was eleven, around two months before going off to Hogwarts for the first time, his soulmark appeared. At the nape of his neck right under the line of his hair that he now grew out specifically to cover it. He remembered thinking it was actually quite lovely, a little sun with an initial inside, the letter “J”, it was maybe the size of his thumb... Regulus must have stood there for hours, watching the reflection of his neck, in the small hand mirror, his stomach feeling all funny and sparkly...
But Regulus could not afford to be a dreamer.
Even as that little kid, he hid the little mirror in the cupboard remembering what his mother told him and Sirius about soulmate magic.
High born wizards, especially Blacks, didn’t have soulmates. It was weak, and undignified to bend to the magic’s will, it was the wizard that was supposed to command magic, not the other way around. Sirius and Regulus were not to believe in such stupid things as soulmarks, destiny or love. The only aspects of ‘love’ that were allowed in their family, were arranged marriages and heirs.
This is what he was destined for, not a soulmate.
That is what Blacks were birthed for.
On Regulus’ birthday, his parents didn’t even ask about it at the dining table. The boy thought that it would maybe just be another thing they never mention... Like Sirius being in Gryffindor. He should have expected that right before he went to sleep his mother would call on him.
Regulus recalled even know, how her study smelled of cigars when he entered that dark and unwelcoming room, where she sat on the antic armchair, like it was her throne. She asked him about the mark. He turned around and could only shut his eyes close while the sharp nails dug into the back of his neck.
“Don’t show this to anyone” she hissed at him then “For all you are concerned, you don’t have a soulmate”
The nails dug in deeper.
“I don’t have a soulmate” Regulus echoed and his mother pushed him away.
He agreed quietly, just to be let out. He agreed because he knew there was no other option.
That night Regulus went back to his room, shut his door and let his body slip to the floor, because… Because… He wanted someone to love him. For that mystery person to appear in his loveless life and take him away, but… But his family would never allow it. If he wanted it, or not, a day would come in which Regulus would renounce his soulmate…
The pain of that realization struck him harder than any other kind of suffering he has ever experienced.
That night he cried himself to sleep, quietly so his mother wouldn’t hear.
After that for two months, he tried to push any thought about his soulmate away in some act of preservation, but it was especially hard when he got those random waves of emotion kind of… floating around him. It was just there, that looming anxiety and... unfulfillment, laced with sadness and disappointment, circling around him like vultures that Regulus could not get rid of.
One day, when his parents left for some social gathering, he sneaked to his father's library with Sirius, looking for anything that could explain those weird feelings he had. That was his goal of course, Sirius was more interested in getting back some of the things their parents confiscated from him this summer, mostly trinkets he must have gotten from his new friends in Hogwarts.
Regulus remembers picking up a book in the shade of deep red wine, with a golden title on the cover - The Manipulation of Soulmate Magic.
He rearranged the shelf so the gap left after the book in his hand was not visible, and dragged his brother out just in time for their parents to find them, studying French in their separate rooms.
Later in the night, under the covers, with only the light of the full moon Regulus opened the book. There was a chapter there, about soulmates' powers, which till that night Regulus didn’t even know about. Apparently, more powerful wizards had even more to add to their soulmate bond, sometimes it would be being able to find their soulmate anywhere in the world, or send a message to their soulmate telepathically.
Some soulmates could feel each other's emotions.
Regulus froze at that sentence.
Suddenly it was like puzzles arranged themselves. That was it!
He focused on those emotions swirling around his mind... Not his, but his soulmate... His soulmate was… Was sad and....Excluded? Were they okay? Why would they feel like it? It pained him that his soulmate was unhappy... But could he even change something like that? It’s not like he could find them… Or tell them they shouldn’t be sad.
He thought his life was fucked up enough after that night.
But, well, nothing could prepare Regulus for his first day of school, and what happened then. He was standing at the platform 9 and 3/4, peacefully catching the last gasps of fresh air before boarding the train when someone ran straight into him.
He fell backwards, his hands held back but barely shielding him from the hard fall.
“Ouch” he muttered, massaging his forehead which definitely collided with the other boy’s jaw.
“I am so sorry!” The boy exclaimed quickly as Regulus finally looked up at the reason for his fall and... Regulus’ brain might just have stopped working. “Are you okay?”
The boy in front of him...He was standing in front of Regulus, arm extended to help him up, but that was not the thing that Regulus focused on. It was the sunshine spilling from the windows behind him, the light shining through his curls, making him look like a saint from those ancient paintings in his father’s study...
Regulus ignored the extended hand, picking himself up promptly.
“Don’t be sorry” he brushed his expensive cloak from any dirt “Just watch where you are going” he scolded.
The boy quickly took his arm away as his brows scrunched up.
“ I am sorry, I just didn't see you”
“I was right in front of you,” Regulus huffed.
“I was just running to my friends and... Oh by the way my name is-”
“James!” a voice screamed at them and Regulus turned to see his brother, his tie already messed up and her wildly sticking out three different ways, charging at them “Here you are I-” and then he noticed Regulus “Oh, hi Reg”
Regulus turned to his brother’s friend. This was James.
“Your name is... James?” his voice came out colder than he anticipated, he turned to Sirius “That is your James?”
The James his brother could not stop talking about. The James , who was apparently the best thing that happened to earth since sliced bread, could do a perfect Quidditch training routine and was one of the best wizards in Sirius’ year.
That James.
James.
Regulus felt as the little tattoo on the nape of his neck burned.
“Yeah” the boy nodded “And you must be Regulus?”
He was Regulus. He was, but apparently all the brain cells that belonged to Regulus, left Regulus, because Regulus’ mind went into overdrive, hosting a debate in his mind.
It was NOT possible. The boy that according to Sirius was so warm and perfect, his name starting with the letter “J”... He could... He could not be his soulmate.
Just... NO.
The emotions he felt from his soulmate... that... that torture his soulmate felt... they were SAD. The boy that stood in front of him...And his soulmate? It could NOT be the boy that smiled at him like he was the best thing that happened to this planet... Regulus could NOT allow this.
But then why did everything else fit so perfectly? Why did it feel so right?
But Regulus wasn’t allowed to be anyone’s soulmate.
It was logical.
His soulmate was sad. James was the sunshine of this world. So James was not his soulmate... Simple math...
The universe wouldn’t be so cruel to James.
That day he walked away from them without a word... He thought he walked away from James for good.
But nooooo!
Of course not! Because when was his life ever fair!? This stupid fucking baboon, decided to be a perfect human being and always be nice to him! Joke with him or even...flirt? Or at least Regulus thought that was it. He had not much experience in the flirting department... But James was! No matter how cold Regulus was, no matter how long he had ignored him... James was always there with his stupidly adorable smile!
And then... Then he literally saved his brother’s life.
Six years later, he was still hung up on James Potter. Who could NOT be his soulmate, and dated what seemed like every girl in Hogwarts... Okay he dated a few of them, but still, it was like no one in this castle could resist his charm.
Including Regulus.
And so, here he was, again at his own personal, hellish, crossroads background of his friends' laughter and teasing, wishing he would never know about James Potter’s existence.