Chapter 1: Hope
Chapter Text
Hermione has always been different, she’s always been hard to manage she knows that. When her Hogwarts letter comes she is excited, but her parents aren’t, her father shouts his eyes maddened “You little freak, don’t you realise your not going to that crackpot school” He spits the words at her and his hand slaps her face he takes of his belt and with a thwack starts beating her and the pain is unreal it’s like she imagines a horse feels like when it’s whacked by the whip by it’s master he beats her till her ribs ache and she feels like she’s going to pass out. A week before school starts the year she’s supposed to go, her dad beats her again so maybe she wouldn’t be able to go to school but this time he takes it to far and this time she passes out. She wakes and it’s the middle of the night and she scared and apprehensive, her fear is of her father and she’s hungry ever so hungry, it’s the middle of the night and she’s in her room shivering, she walks downstairs, it’s August 30th she’s been asleep for 4 days. She feels sick. At least she’s not in as much pain anymore. But she’s relieved at least she’s awake now. When she fainted she was so afraid she was going to never wake up again, she thought she was dead, there’s a dull ache in her ribs and she almost moans but she has to be quiet as she silently creeps back up the stairs into bed.
When she comes down for breakfast the next morning her mother refuses to give her any say’s it’s because she shouldn’t be going to this crackpot school she’s glad Professor mcgonagall helped her get her supplies for Hogwarts. The next 2 days go by in a blur of chores that make her whole body ache especially when she has to get down on her hands and knees and scrub the floor because she’s going to Hogwarts and hunger not like any she’s felt and it’s soon time to go to Hogwarts. “Mum, I’m going to Hogwarts, I’ll see you at Christmas” She nods and smiles and gives Hermione a reluctant hug, Hermione knows she’s never been what her mother wanted, her mother wanted a thin pretty girl, but Hermione’s neither. She’s not fat per-say but she’s not the skinniest girl in her class and she’s not ugly but her front teeth are giant and her hair is all puffy but so’s her dads. She walks out the front door and suddenly she’s free, free from that home and for just a moment she revels in the rebellious feeling of freedom, maybe finally she’s found somewhere she belongs. For the first time ever she’s really free and she’s happy. She runs laughing and crying and catches the bus to King’s Cross station, her breath comes in puffs and she knows she looks a state but at least she’s got her trunk and at least her ribs aren’t aching as much after she snuck some paracetamol from the medicine cabinet at her house when she enters King’s Cross she heads to the wall between platforms 9 and 10 mcgonagall had told her if she just ran at the wall in between she’d end up at the platform for Hogwarts and she does with 30 minutes to spare.
She heaves her trunk unto the train and winces at it touches her bruised torso. She feels faint so she goes to an empty-ish carriage except for a chubby, nervous looking boy about her age. “Hi, I’m Neville” He says a nervous smile on his face. “I”m Hermione is it all right if I sit with you?” “Course Hermione” “Are you a first year too Neville?” “I am” “Did you read all the books from the list they gave us I did my favourite was Hogwarts a history” He looks at me with a sheepish expression “Err no I read some of the books and my gran says Hogwarts a history is a great book, but I was mostly interested in the herbolgy book” “That’s such an interesting sounding subject isn’t it? I really want to learn how to make potions with the magical plants it’s almost like chemistry and that was my favourite subject in school” “So you grew up muggle then? I’m really nervous about potions because I’m so clumsy” “I bet you’re really smart and you’ll do well in potions and yes I grew up muggle, do you have a pet I don’t, my parents couldn’t afford one this year” She knows as she says it’s a lie because her parents went on this big Expensive trip without her that was really nice looking and if the could afford that they could get her an animal but she’d never say that aloud. “I have a toad his name’s Trevor here he is my gran bought me him, my dad had a toad which is why, because my dad isn’t here anymore” She saw him gulp and saw his eyes were glistening so she decided to change the subject. “ So Neville, was your dad a wizard then?”
“He was a brave one at that” She smiles at him “Both my parents are muggle, but I love them dearly and they love me” She winces at the blatant lie. Neville smiles and says “I hope we can be friends at school Hermione” Before she can nod her head or respond in anyway Neville shouts “TREVOR” There’s a look of panic on both Neville and Hermione’s faces. “Why don’t we go look for him Neville we’ll split up, you go right I’ll go left. He looks at her fear in his eyes and nods his head, she starts walking left he starts walking to the right. She opens the first compartment and sitting there is a blonde boy with a expression that seems condescending, a pale girl with a black bob, a black boy and two bigger boys that all seem to be around the same age as Hermione. “Has anyone seen a toad Neville’s lost one” they all shake there heads so Hermione starts heading down the corridor again. She does the same in every carriage but by the time she’s at the last carriage she’s starting to feel faint.
She opens the compartment door and starts the same speech “Has anyone seen a toad Neville’s lost one” A girl with black unruly hair, who is skinny and has massive green eyes and round black broken but taped together glasses shakes her head and a gangly red headed boy with dirt on his nose shakes his too. “Are you sure” She says tone slightly more annoying that it should be. “We’re sure” says the girl. “Can I sit down for a moment” Hermione says. “Of course” says the girl. “Thank you” They sit for a moment before Hermione gets the courage to say “I’m Hermione granger and you two are?” “I’m Ron Weasley” says the red head. “Harriet but I go by Harry, Harry Potter” “Oh, you’re the girl who lived?” “I am” “I’ve read about you in great wizarding events of the 20th century and few other books I could lend them to you if you’d like?”
Harry nods her head gratefully. “We’ll come and help you find this toad, does it have a name?” “Trevor” “Hold on you expect me to go and find some stupid toad.” Ron says looking furiously at Harry. Harry looking at Ron says “Well yeah I kind of did” Harry and Hermione walk out of the compartment and start looking for Trevor again. It’s when there nearing the carriage the blonde boy and his friends are in when Hermione sees Trevor. She silently signals harry that she’s seen the toad. Harry nods and you can see she understands. They quietly and carefully open the carriage door and lock Trevor inside along with all the people in it. “Hello again” whispers the girl with the black bob. “Who have you brought with you?” “This is not the time” Hermione hisses. They spot Trevor and so does the girl with the black bob who catches him and gives it to her.
Hermione smiles “Thank you I didn’t catch you and your friends names. I’m Hermione and this Harriet but she goes by Harry” The girl with the black bob says “I’m pansy and this is Draco the blonde one and Blaise is the one sitting next to me” The one with an Afro that kind of reminds her of hair when it’s untameable Hermione notes. “The other two are Vincent crabbe and Gregory goyle. Hermione nods and says “We have to go give the toad to Neville but I hope once we make it to Hogwarts we can get to know each other better” Hermione walks to the next carriage and there is Neville sitting there looking panicked. “I’ve got your toad Neville and this is Harry, Harry Potter. Neville smiles and doesn’t comment on who he is but Hermione knows he must know. Hermione grins and says “We’ll be arriving at Hogwarts soon we should change into our robes.”
Chapter 2: The sorting ceremony
Summary:
This is the sorting ceremony chapter.
Notes:
TW Eating Disorder behaviours (calorie counting, disordered eating, purging vomiting) body image concerns
Chapter Text
The train is slowing to a stop at Hogsmeade station Harry is looking out of the window, she’s sitting with Neville and Hermione because she decided after the way Ron treated Hermione,the utter distaste in his voice when she was talking about Trevor Neville’s toad she’s not sure she can trust him, she couldn’t be in his company at least not for tonight. Hermione is staring out the window drinking up everything she can see,she is nervous and excited “Ready to go, Neville, Harry?” They leave their trunks on the train there being magically transported to the school.
”Of course” The two say together silly smiles on their faces. They step off the train feeling happy and they feel that just maybe they are all friends. Hermione is still achy and the bruises are starting to feel more, as the day wears on but she’ll manage just like she’s always managed and well, while she was on the train she had a pumpkin pasty and it was pretty delicious. She’s not sure if she can handle anything else today though.
The calories in that pumpkin pasty, no today she can’t think about that, today is not the day to think of calories. She should focus on the sorting, she’s not exactly sure how they choose the pupils different houses but she is slightly apprehensive, what if it’s a written test and she knows none of the answers? Will she be kicked out? If they do what will her parents say, more importantly what will they do? “Hermione” Harry says looking slightly nervous. “How do we get sorted?” Neville chirps in “Oh my gran says it’s not anything bad, and it’s not a test really, she hasn’t told me all the details but, I’m not sure she can” Hermione raises her eyebrows “What do you mean Neville?”
“Well I’ve read in the library at my house that the sorting ceremony is secret for all 1st year’s and that the magic in the castle kind of protects the secret somehow? I’m not really sure how though” Hermione turns her thoughts to that, what kind of magic would make that possible and what are the implications of its use, could it be used so witches and wizards couldn’t tell muggle’s except family and the prime minister (who Hermione read is in correspondence with the minister of magic) and if so could that be a way to in force the international statute of secrecy?
She is pulled jarringly from her thoughts when she hears a tall bigger than normal man with a bushy long beard and a coat with so many pockets there’s probably one big enough to put her in calls “ First ‘ears this way” Hermione and Harry stop and gasp when they see the boats on the water as do many of the students, soon they will reach Hogwarts, soon Hermione might have a place she can truly call home.
Neville, Hermione, A boy who introduces himself as Theodore nott and Harry all get into the same boat. Hermione’s eyes are glued to the rocks hoping to see their first real view of Hogwarts, a place she hopes she can truly call home. At the same time Harry sitting across from her is wishing the very same thing. And the ancient magic of Hogwarts hears their plea.
She knows exactly what to do, her magic is strong and she will keep it so, so that all students that need refuge never have to be sent home. That’s when Hermione sees her Hogwarts and she gasps and so do many students around her. Harry clutches the side of the boat and stares getting as close as she can to the castle and its warmth radiating around it. Hermione already knew it would be beautiful, after all she had read Hogwarts; a history but this, it was beyond her wildest dreams. Then the boat hit the shore and one by one the first years, stood heads high in front of the ornate oak doors of Hogwarts, Hermione was cold and had to clutch on to Neville for support but she was happy, and excited in a way she hadn’t been for a long while, too long of a while for a child her age. Harry smiles at her “Hermione how you doing, I’m sweating buckets here, these robes are so thick.”
Hermione’s throat tightens and she’s upset when she says “Harry I’m cold but then again I always am. Maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise” Harry’s eyes big and green and ever so innocent looked at her so intensely, she almost wished she’d never looked before, that they’d never met, but also in the same intense wave of feelings she knows she and Harry are going to share a future together. They both look at Neville who has somehow in the time it took to get from the boat to the doors lost his wand, and give him a small smile of hope and joyful excitement.
Mcgonagall opens the big doors, She calls in her loud Scottish accent “First years through the doors to a room near the great hall” Hermione has read all about the read great Hall how the ceiling is enchanted to show the weather outside and she wonders not for the first time why. Because when it’s sunny of course she wants to see the sky but when it’s grey and cloudy it must be depressing and dark and cold feeling. She walks with the rest of the students into a cramped feeling room where dust and dirt coats every surface.
It’s obvious it’s not usually where they take students. “All right everyone we’re all about to go into the great hall for the sorting ceremony and then the great feast” “The four House are gryffindor known for its bravery, hufflepuff known for being hardworking and loyal, slytherin known for cunning and ambition and ravenclaw seekers of knowledge.” and with that the doors to the great hall opened.
Hermione stared at the room around her, it feels so grand and the ceiling it’s so much more beautiful than she could have ever imagined or hoped for. There were ghosts all around her wishing her look it was a beautiful spectacle. There then came silence except for the whispers of students and the footsteps of the first years.
Then the sorting hat starts to sing a hole gaping like a mouth on the hat. “Oh you may not think me pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There’s nothing hidden inside your head the sorting hat can’t see, so try me and you will see Where you ought to be. You might belong in gryffindor where dwell the brave of heart, There daring, nerve and chivalry set gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil; Or yet in wise old ravenclaw
If you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning will alway find their kind;
Or perhaps in slytherin
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve there ends.
So put me on! Don’t be afraid! And don’t get in a flap! You’re in safe hands (though I have none) For I’m the thinking cap!
Oh, so it’s hat that sorts us Hermione thinks, I wonder how that works. “Harry, I’m nervous what about you, I’m scared that’ll when the hat gets put on my head it’ll say it’s made a mistake and I need to go home.” Harry’s eyes look at Hermione, and you can see tears glistening. “I’m scared of that too Mione is it okay if I call you Mione?” “I’m not sure Harry I don’t really like that name” But even as she says it she knows that didn’t used to be true she used to cherish that name because when her mother was happy with her she’d call her Mione and then one day her mum just stopped that little loving nickname. Then mcgonagall took out a scroll, and said “When I call your name you come up to the stool to be sorted. Abbot Hannah.”
The girl looked scared but happy “Hufflepuff” cried the hat up next mcgonagall called “Bones Susan” Again to hufflepuff she went, next came a boy “Boot terry” the first ravenclaw.
The ravenclaws stood and shook hands with their newest member. Next came Brocklehurst, Mandy who went to ravenclaw to her face that had first be scared turned to utter joy she was excited to be a part of that house. Next was Called “Brown, Lavender” The first gryffindor the table erupted into noisy cheers rather too loud. Then came the first slytherin a girl called Millicent and although she didn’t look pleasant at least she wasn’t as scared looking as the others she kept her head held high. Hermione started to get nervous it was close to her turn she could feel it. “Flinch-fletchley, Justin” was sorted into hufflepuff then “Finnagan, Seamus” a sandy haired boy was called up the hat wasn’t even on his head two seconds before calling “Gryffindor” And then her name was called.
“Granger, Hermione” Neville and Harry gave her an encouraging smile and Draco smirked at her from the back. The sorting hat was put on her head. And it started to speak to her “You are a smart one girl, you could do well in ravenclaw but I don’t think that’s the house for you you’re too cunning I think it must be, ah what to do? SLYTHERIN.”
She went over to the slytherin table feeling wobbly, she wasn’t sure if it was from lack of food or nerves. The girl Millicent patted the space next her. She sat down and they all just kept doing what they were doing before. Next was the rude boy from the train Ron, the hat took three minutes on him before declaring “Gryffindor” he smiled and you could see a group of redheads cheering for him. Next was sweet Neville it announced “Gryffindor” she hoped someone from the train would come to slytherin. Next was Macdougal, morag. Then Draco came sauntering up to the hat and it declared as soon as he put it on his head “Slytherin” He had a smug expression on his face. “Evening granger” he said as he sat across from her with Crabbe and Goyle.
There weren’t many left now just Harry and Theodore and some twins and a dreamy looking girl and a simple girl who looked happy chatting with dreamy girl. The dreamy girl “Moon” was the first name called, then “Nott” who came and sat next to Draco on the table, Then the twins Patil and Patil Pansy sorted into gryffindor and ravenclaw. Parkinson who wasn’t sorted into slytherin but gryffindor and didn’t get cheered when she joined the table. She looked scared and tiny, then “Perks, Sally-Anne” who went and joined her friend moon on the ravenclaw table, then “Potter, Harriet” whispers erupted all throughout the great hall they would all finally get a glimpse of the girl who lived.
In the candle light she looked pale and tired and tiny to skin, maybe? Her robe’s covered her clothes but Hermione had seen them they were threadbare and around 5 sizes too big. Her friend had the hat put on her and for 5 minutes it stayed on her head, until the hat shouted “SLYTHERIN” Hermione smiled.
Her friend was coming to slytherin “Can we squish up a bit so Harry can sit next to me” Hermione said a happy smile on her space. Millicent nodded and they squished up and Harry sat in the middle of the two of them. Dumbledore did some speeches said that the forbidden forest is out of bounds and the third floor corridor which intrigued Hermione, what was so important on a corridor but of course she’d have to figure out a sneaky way to figure it out. Then the food arrives and she feels sick, there’s too much, too many calories too much everything.
Her mum would hate it. But she needs to eat so she takes some broccoli and carrots and peas and a corn on the cob 3 pieces of broccoli, a spoon of carrots and one of peas, corn on the cob. No butter on the corn. Harry has a plate loaded with chicken and carrots and mash and peas. It looks like way too much. Hermione sees that Draco has less but still has chicken nearly everyone else has chicken. Except her. Maybe she could pretend she’s vegetarian? “Granger, are you sure that’s all you’re going to eat?” Hermione nods at Draco who looks slightly concerned. Maybe they’d seen that she was too pale.
“ First day nerves Draco” He nods his head, of course that is a normal answer. Not that everything is too much. She eats the pea’s first one by one, then the carrots, and then the corn, which is sweet and delicious and then the broccoli. She eats all of it. And it’s about 150 calories. It’s okay, it’s not too bad. She smiles she’s full. Then dessert comes and it terrifies her. Harry takes a piece of treacle tart and puts a piece WITHOUT asking on her plate, she picks up her fork and plays about with her tart she takes a bite she’ll allow herself a bite. 50 calories for that bite. Then another and then another, and then she takes a second treacle tart. Too many calories. Then other and before she knows it she’s had ten. She’s going to have to be sick, it’s too many calories, “Harry, I’m just going to the bathroom” Harry nods her head and Hermione runs and finds the bathroom, she puts her finger down her throat, her stomach feels too full. She throws up, again. And she’s sick till her stomach feels empty and she’s relieved.
She goes to the sink and washes her hands and face. She looks at herself in the mirror she feels bloated her trousers feel too tight. Why did she do that again? She walks back to the great hall. Harry smiles at her. She puts a head on her shoulder. She whispers in Harry’s ear “We’re friends right?” Harry nods her head. Then there prefects, a blonde regal looking girl with two plaits down her back and a black haired boy, with sharp cheekbones that look like knives shout “First year slytherin’s with us” They all stand up. They head out of the great hall, down into the dungeons it’s dark and cold until they get to the wall for the slytherin dungeons the blonde prefect calls out “The password is the chamber, it never changes, if you make friends from other houses don’t tell them the password, or if you do make them swear on their magic they’ll tell nobody.”
“Boys dorms to the right girls to the left no boys can go into the girls dormitories, but for some unknown reason girls can go in to the boys common room” The blonde gives the girls a wink.
Hermione wants to ask if anyone has lost their magic because of that swear but she keeps her mouth shut. And the pain of the day hits her again. Her ribs ache, she wishes she had brought paracetamol or could be stronger. Draco comes beside her “ I saw you eat the treacle tarts, are you feeling sick?” Hermione shakes her. “You must have some stomach to eat all of that granger” She silently disagrees. She doesn’t know what to say. “Hermione” Harry shouts from the common room “Look out the window we’re below the lake” and she looks out the window and there staring at her is a merperson a horrifyingly beautiful creature. She feels at peace for the first time in a long while.
ameliamichael on Chapter 1 Fri 29 Aug 2025 09:11PM UTC
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