The Feeling's Mutual

by KnittingSquid

Summary:

After Drifter's first time piloting Amir in combat, both they and Amir have been left with a tangled mess of horny, yearning thoughts for one another, thoughts that shape dreams both beautifully fantastical and cruel to their poor aching hearts.

A lingering bit of transference static has Drifter feeling everything Amir does to himself, as the pair both work through shameful fantasies that they think can never come true..

No one thinks of their friend like this, right? Because clearly, that's all they'll ever be..

(Fic takes place between chapters 37 and 38 of 'First Loop')

Chapter 1

Exhausted from his first day out with Drifter at his wheel (and oh, were they at his wheel) and covered somewhat head to toe in techrot guts, Amir shuffled into the mall's communal showers.

No personal bathroom for him; the arcade hardly even had a storage space to make into a shitty makeshift bedroom, let alone the kind of fancy rigged up shower that he knew Drifter and Aoi had at this point. Nope, good ol' communal bathroom for him, which did mean he knew that at any time, most of the rest of the Hex could come in here as well.. There were separated shower stalls, sure, but you could still hear one another..

He ditched his gear and removable armor pieces— all of them, the elbows, the 'skirt' and the codpiece, by the door to a shower and ducked in, turning the thankfully hot water on and relaxing as it started loosening up his tense back muscles and rinsing off a decent amount of the grime on him. He let out a deep, satisfied sigh, resting his forehead against the cold tile wall and despite his protests, his mind started to go wild again.

That was why that point about anyone being able to hear him in here was on his mind, because oh, dear god, now that he was away from Drifter, all of his horny thoughts were coming into full force about.. All of today. With no inkling of worry on if they could hear him thinking, every little point that was getting to him just started racing circles through his brain.

 

Forgetting, for a time, that Eleanor could probably hear some of this, dependent on how heavily she was focusing on anything else right now..

 

Why is he like this today..

What did get to him about them, that was driving him this insane?

More like what didn't. It was like every little thing they did today had stuck to his hopeless brain like glue.

Drifter's confident, playful voice like the one they had when they were feeling competitive in the arcade; calling him silly, praising him for doing a good job, that tone of theirs coming out of his own lips when they took control..

That proud, more than mildly bloodthirsty smile on their face when they shredded a techrot that almost jumped him to death. And then again, that smile on his own face, taunting a Legacyte to come at them, widening as they sawed the damn thing in half with his Lacera.

 

It's official. The fact that you think the Countessa is hot was a sign, Amir, like a big blaring red warning light.

Even outside of the context of fiction, you like scary.

Because the Drifter was scary, and that made his heart beat hard in a way that he couldn't discern if it had resulted from fear, arousal, or worse, both.

 

Let alone all of the phrasing they had pulled, dancing around the whole 'meatsuit' thing by talking about his body as if it were a car or atomicycle or something..

Why did that get him excited??

He really did wish they took him up to their room with him like they did with Volt. Give him a once over with those piercing eyes for any damage, scrub off all the techrot gunk, then— he didn't go into an arsenal like Volt did, so instead of that they take him upstairs to their loft, lay him out and service him in a whole different way—

Nope. Nope. Silence, horny brain, you’ve gone far enough. That's the end of the line.

 

Silence horny brain, and horny downstairs which he could feel getting a smidge too excited for his liking at the moment. Stop that. No fantasizing, not about Drifter, and not in a place where other people could hear you if you deal with that.

Truthfully? The codpiece is an excessive backup measure in case he. Slipped out. At the moment, doing his damndest to keep it this way, under that piece of armor was 'just', many air quotes around 'just', a bed of lightly glowing blue techrot nubs that had replaced his hair down there, and a closed, sort of.. Sheath? of dull purple and pinkish white edged techrot.. Sections, for lack of a better or more preferable term, that gently interlocked into each other like puzzle pieces; same color and texture as the area that crept up his jawline.

Sections which were at the moment very annoyingly sensitive, which made the crossing of legs he was doing to try and hold the yet more embarrassingly techrot affected part of himself from sliding free not as helpful as he hoped it'd be. He was holding, but oh good gods barely.

 

Drifter wouldn't have this issue, his brain reminded itself; if they were in his place somehow? Horny beyond all belief about.. Someone? Eleanor or Quincy, probably? They had a shower all to themself, one that let out into a weird techrot infested room with a mouth on the wall sure, but if they got worked up like this, they could shamelessly deal with the issue right there without even a thought of someone walking in and hearing any of the noises they'd be making—

Holy. Shit Amir stop thinking of Drifter jacking themself off in the shower, that is. One. So far past okay, right?! And two, not helping!

 

Just. Wash off the techrot gunk first, at least. You do not need to associate this smell with that, Amir, Sol and freakin' Lua..

He managed, thankfully, to hold it together long enough to get himself cleaned up, scrubbing all of the blood and sweat off of his body and out of his hair. Being thorough but very careful about.. Y'know. Between his legs. Sure, it's not like he's gonna walk out of here into the rest of the mall without that particular piece of armor on, but also he's still trying to get all of that to shut the fuck up.

Just. Get clean, dried off and back 'home' behind the arcade where you can crash. Hopefully, a nice long nap into the late evening will cleanse all this weird energy out of your brain and you can go back to having normal thoughts about your cool ghost space ninja friend.

 

After all, Amir really, really did like the idea of having Drifter as backup on missions out like they had been today. A reassuring voice in his head, someone who he could toss the metaphorical keys to if he was getting overwhelmed..

Having them as backup and a shield against oncoming panic attacks if they joined him against Scaldra would be even better.

So stop thinking about all of the other things they could do to you with control of your body, Amir, do not inherently associate transference with that— also, hey. Don't associate combat with getting turned on at all, please?!

 

..Aside maybe from how Drifter looked afterwards.

Face drenched in sweat that was bleeding their makeup a bit, with a few stray strands of their faded green hair sticking to their forehead, in nothing but that skin tight spacesuit..

That edgy, raven black and blood red armor with futuristic texturing, with almost veins of bright teal glow that lit them up a bit in those dark, infested tunnels, along with the glow in their eyes, which let him see that darkly proud look on their face as they pulled themself up from pinning down that shredded obsolyte—oh to be a techrot creature pinned down by Drifter's knees— and smiled at him, almost looking to him for approval?

It was hard, not impossible, but hard, to imagine them without that suit. They fit in, really— he couldn't imagine anyone else without their protoframe armoring given that he hadn't met any of the Hex before they transformed, and Drifter had never truly been without that suit aside from like, that first day they started dressing goth, so it was easy to just.. Treat that as their skin, in a weird way.

 

 

Oh, Lua. Now he can't stop thinking of that suit as their equivalent to the protoframes' skin, which has fueled a whole new unstoppable train of thought of the crotch of said armor opening up, the way his did.

Y'know. Thinking of it a bit too much for his own good, it probably does, actually?! Because their body is, y'know, human, and doesn't just burn everything they eat as pure fuel the way his does, and it would be awkward and very inefficient to have to peel all that off every time they used the restroom.

Gods, that's stuck in his head now, no matter how ashamed he felt in thinking of them this way— he could see in his head the seam on that armor that probably served to split open like the fly on a pair of pants, serving purely to give easy access to let their own cock free, in the shower upstairs where no one but them and that weird grumbling techrot creature could hear them scream—

 

OKAY. BRAIN NEEDS TO SHUT DOWN NOW. BRAIN IS SHUTTING DOWN, NOW. WHAT WEBSITES HAVE YOU BEEN ON, AMIR, THAT YOU GOT THAT IN YOUR HEAD—

Okay, to be fair, he does know exactly what sites he's been on that's got that in his head. Fortunately. Unfortunately?

Augh. Akldfngdf. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore and he can't stop thinking about, of all things, what it would have been like to be that obsolyte, pinned and staring up into those eyes of theirs in the dark.

 

Just.. Turn the shower off before the water goes too cold— Oh god, Amir hoped he hadn't been stealing hot water from Drifter, standing there for however long he had been— and quickly dry off. You've got this.

He got out and grabbed his towel, going about drying off any water that didn't just slide right off his metal skin and ruffling his messy dark hair dry like someone might to a dog off after a bath—

His eyes went wide as he remembered a particular point of today; just after Drifter took control of him;

 

OH GOD, AMIR, THEY COMPARED YOUR SENSES TO A WEIRD SPACE HUNTING DOG.

LIKE, YOU JOKE ABOUT THAT SOMETIMES? PROBABLY TOO MUCH?

BUT. IT'S SO DIFFERENT IF THEY'VE STARTED DOING THAT TOO—

 

Focus. Breathe. Don't start hyperventilating.

Calm! Collected! Not internally crashing!

If you keep saying these things, they'll become true, right?!

Fake it 'til you make it?!

 

Just.. Calmly secure your armor back in place, again, without touching anything between your thighs in any dangerous way to the best of your ability, bundle up the rest of your combat gear and such into your arms, aaaand rush off to the arcade before anyone sees how bright red your face is right now, Amir, holy crap.

 

As soon as he came to a skidding stop in his room, Amir dumped all of his gear onto his desk chair and swiftly locked the door, leaving him in the dark of his little converted storage room with his cheeks, ears and the back of his neck burning hot, even beneath the swordsteel that didn't show flushing the way that his human skin did.

Nice deep breath, aaaaand flop. He collapsed backwards onto his bed— a simple mattress on the floor with a small bundle of blankets and pillows that were always a mess— and shut his eyes.

More calm, deep breaths. Step it down several notches and sleep it off, ya hopeless pervert. Drifter ran him down enough earlier that thankfully that he is feeling quite sleepy now, but..

Sweet Lua, he was hoping so very hard that he was right that said sleep would cleanse all these thoughts out of his head, because he felt awful about them.

 

Drifter's just your friend, Amir.

You're okay with that.

Pretty sure.

..Okay, not at all, but you're saying that you are. And normal people do not think about their friends like this.

Sure! You're far past being a 'normal person', and you've never really been a 'normal person', but good gods, man, they'd be mortified if they somehow found out you're thinking about them like this..

 

Amir lightly grumbled to himself and curled up in his blankets, quietly unhooking that armor between his thighs again for a bit more comfort and setting it within arms reach. Just doing this to be more comfy to sleep. Be cool, down there. No funny business.

Resting his head of soft, damp hair on a pillow that for a moment of fading thoughts he imagined as Drifter's chest, like how Eleanor had been with them that morning apparently, he finally drifted off into dreams.. Dreams which were.. Very not what he had been hoping for.

Not unpleasant, fuck no, but.. So, so much what he had been hoping to avoid.

 

---

 

Upstairs in the backroom, Drifter could clearly tell that static was still in play, as they stepped their way up to the loft. Hard to tell what's Amir's exhaustion and what's theirs.. Hard to tell what's his nervous energy and what's theirs.

..Could tell one thing was them, and they were very much trying to ignore it.

A warmth, deep below, sending little twitches like static shocks of soft pleasure that were driving their senses crazy.

 

He had gotten to his shower first, of course he had, with his speed, and they could feel his hands all over them as they peeled their transference suit off. They leaned their bare side against a wall to brace themself and swiftly covered their mouth to stifle a soft noise that threatened to escape their lips as they felt his fingers between their thighs..

 

Oh, Void, that codpiece of his comes off, doesn't it— Stop. Undressing your friend with your mind, Drifter.

They carefully trekked through the Helminth infirmary, giving a little wave to Helly itself on their way through and got themself in the shower. Turn on the water just about as hot as it can go.. That's much better. Now they can just.. Tune all that sensation out like it's just the water. Not those dexterous hands all over you, just. Water.

He put so much trust in you to allow you to be in control of him, you don't need to make it weird— well. Weirder, just because you didn't want to worry him about the concept of transference static.

 

Ugh, but the thoughts still come.. What if they continued piloting him when they got back?

Deliver him back home, or even take him into the shower for him, pop out of transference and share the hot water together? Not even in a fantasizing way, just laughing and casually chatting as they do any other time while they help each other clean all this blood off.

Or— and this was fantasizing, certainly, what if they puppeted him up into here. Treat him a bit like Volt, bring him up into here to get everything off, give everything a once over and make certain he didn't get hurt.. Offer for him to stay, whatever might come of that, and sleep with that sweet ball of lightning on their chest instead of Eleanor.

 

The thought was just enough to make them cry, leaning with their forehead head against the cold tile wall.

Stars, how much they wanted that..

But no. No, they can't. Not even platonically. Not ever.

Eleanor had calmed any nightmares they may have otherwise gotten last night when she stayed the night, but that's Eleanor. That's what she does, get in your head.. And if they did have nightmares, it wouldn't phase her.

They'd never want to risk Amir getting jolted awake by them screaming, or babbling in their sleep about whatever horrors plagued them that night. Sure, a dream is a dream, but certainly he'd have questions. He's so kind, he might just start asking about what their nightmare was about to try and comfort them, and there's no good options as to what it would be.

Knowing their fucked up brain? His death, likely. In that reactor room or anywhere else. Or that sickening nightmare of seeing him taken by the Indifference that they'd had..

 

And also, they didn't know if they could sleep with him platonically, nightmares or no, and keep themself from sobbing when they woke up. It made them cry now. Crying at the thought of waking up like that every day. Softly running their fingers through his hair as he stirs awake.. Those beautiful eyes of his fluttering awake and looking up at them through his long eyelashes..

 

Ugh. Your brain just has to fuck up every time you make progress at helping him, doesn't it, Drifter. Some new aspect of your relationship, some new part of transference he enjoys and you just. Fuck it all up.

They sniffled, backing their face into the water to wash the tears and the remainder of their makeup off.

Nice, calm breaths, just get cleaned up and tell yourself that the feeling of his hands on your skin is just the water. Letting themself consider of the reality of it; that this is as close as they’d ever get to being touched by him? That was far too.. Sickening or heartbreaking, not sure which. Both.

 

They got themself cleaned up and dried off, bundling themself up in comfortable clothes to go get some rest. Sleep was never kind to them, certainly not alone, as they were— Kalymos must have stayed with Eleanor, don't blame her for that either— but they could feel a wave of sleepiness hit them as they flopped down onto the couch, which just this morning had been so warm and full of comfort. Now it felt.. Cold. Lonely. Especially with the lingering warmth in their cheeks, and a pool of arousal practically festering in them.

They didn't even have.. Directed thoughts about him, or anyone else, just. They felt so damn lonely, suddenly missing that touch they'd told themself to ignore. 

Drifter still had a small connection to him, though. Just a little thread of energy lingering that they wanted to keep around as long as possible. It's the closest thing that they'll ever get to sleeping in the same place as him, so they'll take it. They let out a deep exhale and shut their eyes, pulling over a pillow onto their stomach to shamefully imagine as someone, anyone with them right now.. But especially him.

Notes:

Oops I hit post instead of save draft, hi, hello.
these two are hopeless someone please fukcing help them (no one can save them but them, and that'll come. eventually)

also ive got no clever chapter titles this time, w/e /shrugs/

Chapter 2

Amir woke, or thought he did, to a beautifully eerie sight. In the pitch dark of his room, there was a figure hovering over him, leaned halfway over and watching him with their head tilted curiously to the side, soft green glowing irises casting light across their features far brighter than they did in real life.

It was Drifter. All cleaned up in a fresh face of that dark makeup, in nothing but that suit of theirs. Somehow that felt so revealing, now that they did wear clothes over it.. Hovering over him and drinking in every visible part of him with those fucking eyes of theirs, until they noticed he was awake.

 

He had somehow ended up on his back, lower half still covered with his blanket for the moment thankfully, and he was frozen in stunned.. Fear? Awe? At the sight in front of him. How did they get in here? Why did they get in here?

 

"Hi, Lightning.." Drifter spoke in a low, almost growling, undeniably sultry tone, their lips curling into a smile. They lowered themself to the mattress with Amir, sliding up between his legs with an arm on either side of him to brace themself, just barely not making contact with his crotch underneath the blanket.

"H-Hi Future. Um. What.. Are you doing here?" Amir softly stammered, eyes wide, face flushed. Holy. Holy shit why are they here?! Why are they looking at you like how a carnivore looks at a piece of meat and why do you like that?!

Drifter laughed, "I'm here for you," They gently poked the tip of Amir's nose, "Silly thing. Here to give you a reward for being such a good boy out there for me.. Only fair, for being so brave to trust me like that.. You've earned a little treat, don't you think?"

 

Amir gulped, "Heh. Heheh.. Um. What?!" That tone in their voice, that look in their eyes.. He knows what they're talking about, but like holy shit what?!

 

Drifter raised an eyebrow, cocking their head to the side again in amusement. "You think I haven't seen the way you look at me, Amir? Or that I didn't feel any of what you were thinking about me when I was in your head? I'm not stupid; you want me, don't you?" They started dancing a pair of fingers down his chest, slooowly tracing down to the blanket over his hips.

Oh. Oh, Lua some of that did come through? Or all of it did.. "U-uh.. Heh. Y-yeah." Amir grinned awkwardly, "I-I guess I wasn't exactly being.. Subtle. Sorry.." They're touching him. They're actually fucking touching him. As soon as their fingers reached where the blanket rested over his hips, they pressed their palm on his belly, leaning themself further in towards his face. Is this.. Are they..?! Actually going to do something to him?!

"You do! Adorable.." Drifter smirked, leaning in just a bit farther to lay a soft kiss on his cheek. "Say it, then."

 

"S-say.. What?" Amir squirmed a bit, not trying to get away, just. Oh. My Lua, their hand is so close to so much, and they just kissed him.

"You know what I mean, silly boy. C'mon.. Don't be shy." They said with a grin, close enough to him that Amir could feel their warm breath against his cheek and ear, sending shivers down his spine. "Let me hear you say it. The truth. I already know, so there's no point in denying it.. But I wanna hear you say it, then you get your reward."

"I-I.." Amir looked away from their face for just a moment, down to what their hand was doing now. Sliding underneath the blankets, gently rubbing up against one of his inner thighs.. "A-ah.." Since when was he that sensitive there? "I-I don't.. I don't know that you're talking about."

"Yes you do.. It's written all over your face whenever you look at me." They laid another kiss on his cheek, "C'mon, Amir.. Admit it."

That hand's tracing higher.. Armored fingertips gently running up against the very edge where his thick armor ends and all of that exposed, soft structuring begins. "Admit.. Admit what?" Oh, he's melting into that touch. And certainly not complaining.. Though he still had no idea where any of this was coming from.

Drifter whispered right into his ear, so close that they sounded like how they do when they're in transference with him; "Admit that you're mine."

Amir shivered, biting down on his lip and looking very pointedly away from Drifter's face. He'd have goosebumps all down his body if he still could.

 

Oh.. Oh, fuck, they're serious, aren't they.

 

Those intensely glowing eyes, like a pair of beautiful spotlights, were still staring him down, just visible in his peripheral vision. "Even if I'd never take you.. Or if this is the only time I ever will.. Admit that you're mine."

Or else they won't touch him. And he'll have squandered his one chance ever at this. But he has to say that. Are you that desperate, Amir? "I-I'm. I'm.."

Drifter's lips curled into a mischievous smile, pressing their hand against the sensitive folds of soft but strong techrot between his legs that threatened to part and let him free, gently palming the whole area as they maintained as much eye contact as they could. "You're..? What? Kavat got your tongue, Amir?"

 

Amir let out a shaky, almost sob of a breathy moan, bashfully looking back to them. "I'm.. I'm yours.." He whispered, hoping that that was enough. He knew it wouldn't be, somehow, but he could hope.

Drifter pouted a bit tauntingly, "Awful soft there, puppy, gonna have to speak up.." They cooed, continuing to rub all that soft, infested skin like they somehow knew just what to do with it. "Or else this is as far as I go."

Oh fuck. "I'm yours." He wants beyond anything to look back away from them again. But he can't. He's literally got his eyes locked on theirs, now, and he can't move..

They pressed down on him harder, teasingly manipulating everything underneath their hand to start just barely open him up. "Even if I never touch you ever again?"

"I'm yours." Please, just. Take him out and touch him, please..

Faster now, also combing their fingers through what was once hair, now softly pleasurable little glowing nubs. "Dooming you to an eternity of just your own hands? Not even being puppeted by me, just alone in this room forever? Dreaming of what it would be like, if I came and took you?"

Amir sobbed, desperately trying to press himself up into their touch, "Please. Please, Drifter.."

 

"Aww.. Speak up, can't hear you.. Please what?"

Fuck it. You're already doomed. There's no going back from this, Amir, just say it. "P-Please. Take me. Take me however you fucking want me, I'm yours. Please. Fuck me. Toy with me. I don't— I don't care, my b— oh fuck. My body's all yours. In any way. Please.."

Drifter laughed. "Thaaaats it, good boy! See? That was easy!"

 

Oh no, they pulled their hand off? Was that it, they were just trying to get him to say that, admit he's a filthy bastard who has been thinking of his friend like this??

No. No, they're not leaving. If anything, it's the reverse. They're coming in.

Drifter pressed themself up against him, pinning him to the bed and kissed him on the lips. Deeply, too, deeper than he'd ever kissed anyone, and as he felt them push their tongue into his mouth, they slipped themself inside of him.

Let that be an innuendo. It was. After all, when they're in transference, they're everywhere inside him, right?

They were that ghostly figure again at his shoulder, pressing cold kisses to the side of his neck as he could do nothing but watch himself move without his say so. Drifter, with his own hands, reached down to gently separate those pieces of techrot, gently rubbing around the entrance of the soft, slick channel underneath to coax his throbbing, bright blue horrifically techrot influenced cock free. They started playing with him how he did, a lot of the time— hand gripped as far around his swell as he could, gently squishing it in his palm, stroking it and thumbing over the sensitive tip. Which was so, so much more sensitive than he ever remembered it being..

All notion of stable narrative fell out, as Amir's delirious sleeping mind filled with a dozen scenarios, all confusingly flowing into one another. More of Drifter jacking him off with his own hands. Drifter somehow fucking him from inside transference even though that made zero sense, truly like getting fucked by a ghost. Then suddenly they're out of his body and slipping themself into him for real, absolutely railing him into his mattress as they stare right into his eyes again.

The only words left in the whole dream were theirs, deep inside his head like they're his own thinking voice;

"You're doing such a good job for me.. I'm so proud of you, Amir. It's true— you're mine.. And I'm yours. I love you."

 

---

In their own sleep, Drifter's mind was no less hopeful than Amir's, but any sense of an erotic narrative was entirely absent.

After all, how would they get him like this?

Approach him, admit to him they've wanted him practically since they arrived?

Or if there was a flying chance in hell he felt the same.. This feels cruel to say about him, but would he have the courage to speak up and make the first move?

 

Whether he says it or not, he's intimidated by you, Drifter.

Which is how this dream would be so unbelievable if you weren't drunk on the fantasy of it.

 

Again, no narrative. No lead in, nothing, they just faded from their lonely couch and woke here, under the swirling rainbow sky of Joy, laid out on their back in a revealing set of deep green Duviri silks with Amir on top of them, grinning and giggling as he casually slips a hand up between their thighs and starts playing with them, cooing into their ear teasingly about the scandal it would be if the court found out the king was being fucked by their bodyguard.

Or— blink, and they're somewhere else. They're in his arcade, way in the back, pressing him up against the wall kissing him so deeply they're about to slip into transference.

Blink again— Entrati's labs? Amir's human, dressed in a finely tailored suit in a style distinctly of the Origin System, and smiling at them adoringly. He calls them Master Entrati, and the dream shifts again.

It's like changing channels on the radio. Keep tuning it and you'll find the perfect one, in theory— maybe they were aware this was a dream, and just. Softly batting away the scenarios that weren't quite right.

There we go.

They're on the couch, straddled up on his lap nude, while he still has that codpiece of his on. They settle in, gently resting all of the sensitive flesh between their thighs against that cold metal plate and now they start kissing him, arms wrapped around his shoulders as they rock their hips against him, every time getting just the tiniest jolt to their clit when it makes contact. The room is dark and quiet aside from all of the soft noises coming from Amir's voice.. Before they know it, somehow, someway, he's inside them as they continue to ride him and he lays kisses to their neck.

Right along that scar where their head was rent from their body again, and again, and again. He doesn't even know, unless someone broke their trust and told him about the horrors of Duviri. But here he is in their dreams, treating their scars like lines that have 'kiss here' or 'touch here' written along them.

They shut their eyes softly and the dream shifts one last time—

No. No, they're pretty sure they're awake, now.

The sun is setting, and for a moment they thought they might be dreaming of that fantasy; waking to Amir draped over them, but. No. Right. You put a pillow there because you're just that fucking lonely.

 

Lonely and.. None of that arousal has faded. If anything it got worse. They let out a deep sigh and pulled themself up to sit, leaned forward a bit and wrapping their own arms around themself and that pillow as they stare blankly down at the blankets over their legs. Focus in a bit as their senses wake and recombobulate themself to reality.. Fuck, that static's still there. Really should have been more gentle with him. They're pretty sure he's still sleeping, and he must be having restless dreams of his own of some kind with the racing energy running through that last little connective line.

Poor guy.. Void, they wished he was there with them now. Shake him awake from whatever dream is bothering him, offer to go get food together..

 

Theoretically they could do that. Go down there, gently wake him, maybe admit to him about the static if he asks how they knew he was having a bad dream.. But.. No. No, even if there was no way he could hear or feel what they were thinking before or during their nap.. Yeah, no, they're not going to wander into admitting that they could feel him touching them.

Certainly not with how turned on they still are— oh Void certainly not, they just remembered how potent his sense of smell is. Almost good enough that they didn't even need Kalymos's help to find that Legacyte earlier. Surely even if he didn't say anything about it he'd get even the tiniest hint of how wet they are right now down there.

 

Yep, no matter how heartbreaking it was to feel that anxiety radiating from him, they were certainly going to stay back here until the static faded, and.. Until they dealt with this. Somehow. Whether that be distracting themself until they stopped thinking of grinding their hips against his codpiece, or..

No. No don't lean into that and actually touch yourself to it, Drifter, that's worse. That has to cross some kind of line, right?

It was exceptionally tempting, though.

Notes:

amir's gonna be so pleasantly surprised in like a year and change when he finds out that not only does Drifter talk kind like that in bed, but they're so much sweeter than his brain is being to him about this??
it was so weird writing amir's side of this, given how much i'm used to writing actual drifter in bed. kept having to remind myself to write them slightly out of character.

(also as in the tags, whoops! he's got no idea what the gender/body situation on them is so his brain made some Assumptions a little there. dw buddy they can do that to you sometime just, with a bit of help)

Chapter 3

That anxiety that Drifter was feeling, through the link that Amir was unaware of?

Yeah.

That wasn't him having a bad dream.

He was awake now, currently just staring up at the ceiling right around where he saw the Drifter at the beginning of his dream, heart beating like a drum. Some of the finer edges of that erotic scenario about the best friend he has here were fading, but the core of it was repeating over and over again in his mind.

Even just the idea of it— that Drifter would come right in here and do.. Anything to him.

 

God. Amir, you are doomed.. Doomed and so, so fucked in the head.

Sleep had only made his little issue worse, because now his brain had practically produced porn for him of Drifter, complete with some kind of.. Mulched up parts of things they'd said today. He couldn't even say that scene was his deepest desire, because god they were so cruel to him, and not in a way he might realistically like.

He was ignoring that last part; about how they might feel the same? Yeah. Yeah, that hurt a lot. Somehow fantasizing that Drifter would say those three little perfect words felt worse than the rest of it.

So, the meaner side of Dream-Drifter's words were lingering in his head the most— how they knew because of how much he wanted them; he'd be doomed to be alone forever. Because who could compare.

 

I mean. Amir, you kinda already knew that would be true, that you're gonna die alone. Look at you. Listen to you. Be in a room with you for five minutes.

Even if you did impress that girl back home with the fact that you had gotten a job at a nuclear plant, would she have had you forever? Even given you the time of day? Or would she kick you to the curb like your previous dates had?

Would Drifter, if you worked up the courage and told them just how fucking pretty they are to you? Actually admit how much you want them to call you theirs? Was that the final straw, if you lucked out on a date, is that when they'd finally realize just how friggin' annoying you are, with the promise of waking up to your hyperactive ass forever? Dump you out like so much trash, so you have to stare at what you lost across a room for eternity, maybe?

..No. Even in the depths of his self loathing here, quietly weeping in his bed and so, so fucking turned on, yes both of those things at once, he could never imagine them being that mean to him, beyond the realms of his dream.

They were too sweet to do that to him. That still didn't make sense to him, but.. Yeah. No. They'd be way too sweet for that.. At least to be quite as mean to him as some of his previous partners had been.

..Why are you thinking about that, Amir? Why are you even considering it?!

They're so out of your league; they'd definitely turn you down. They'd be nice about it, probably, but they'd definitely turn you down.

 

..These thoughts aren't going to stop now though, are they, no matter how much your self-loathing has kicked itself into gear and no matter how hard you've tried to shove them out of your stupid beehive brain.

He had a whole plan for the later evening here; get up after all the weird thoughts were finally gone and just go eat with Drifter like normal, chat more about how the day went now that they'd both had some time to rest.

 

But now he had a problem.

 

He can't get the image of them staring into his eyes with their hands all over him out of his head, and at some point or another he'd finally lost the battle at keeping himself inside. Probably right when he was dreaming of them coaxing him out; that being his brain's way of interpreting the sensation of his massive hard on slipping free, now resting up against his belly.

Okay. Massive as an adjective here still feels like being way too nice to him, but. He was bigger than he used to be, especially on a. Thickness standpoint. Especially that swollen section near the tip that he can currently feel twitching against himself.

And there's the second reason why Drifter'd never actually have you.

Sure, they're immune to techrot and if anything seem more scientifically curious about it than afraid of it, but. Amir. Buddy. Your face looks normal, and your body looks like their Volt, but that? It's glowing, and you can see and feel some of the texture along it moving when you get excited like this, gently pulsing like its begging for him to cave and touch it.

That hole you dreamed of them filling, with ghostly energy or their own actual, physical cock? Not much better. Not that he'd looked but like. Still—

 

Amir.. You're not, right? You're not that much of a sad mess? You're not gonna jack yourself off to dreams, both waking and not, of Drifter, are you? Right?!

Fuck. Fuck, you are.. Maybe that will make them stop, though?

Just.. Work it out of your system so to speak, and maybe after that's done the clarity afterwards will shotgun blast all thoughts of Drifter naked and touching you out of your head? Gods he hoped it would. And also that Drifter was being honest when they told him that they can't actually read his thoughts in transference..

 

Amir took a deep, shaking breath and swallowed hard. Okay. You're doing this. Quickest way out of this situation, then you can think with any kind of clarity about anything else.

With trembling hands, he pulled the blanket down off of himself, exposing his cock and all the rest of that sensitive skin to the open air.

Oh. God, yeah, you're so fucking desperate, Amir, it would be so mean to yourself not to do something here. But trying to redirect your brain's not gonna do it, is it? Not after that whole song and dance you just woke up from. You just had to dream of them coming to be with you in here, too, didn't you..

Just. This one time, you're gonna just.. Let yourself run wild thinking about them. Just this once. Never again. Hopefully.

Here goes.

This is always so weird at first, then how good it feels just kinda takes over and erases the part of him that's weirded out about what the serum did to him..

He finally caved to how much his own body was begging to be touched, wrapping a hand around his cock, starting down by the base to spread a bit of the slick fluid from the channel it usually rests in up the rest of him. Slowly and gently to start, shutting his eyes and just.. Imagining them there with him. Trying to imagine this as being them, nestled into his mind, taking control of his hand like they did in that dream..

 

Drifter had pulled themself up off of their couch and resolved to try and calm themself by going down and working on some project or another with their weapons when they felt, no pun intended, a jolt of activity between their legs. It was a very good thing they hadn't started walking downstairs because they just about doubled over, leaning hard against the infested doorway to Helminth's chamber, swiftly clapping a hand over their mouth to muffle the moan that escaped them.

They just felt him, touching them. A shaky hand, sliding down between their legs and starting directly on their clit with zero warning.

He's touching himself. Oh. Oh Void. Okay, noted! Not all of that horny energy is or was them, okay. Um?

 

"Mmmh.. Fuck.." They moaned out loudly, desperately trying to stay standing.

They swore they just heard Helminth laugh. Drifter glared in its direction, cheeks burning hot as they let out more soft, gasping sounds into their palm.

 

Fuck. Okay. What are you going to do about this. It was bad enough that you were seriously thinking about getting off to that dream, but now..

Remember earlier, thinking that feeling his hands run across you in the shower was all that you'd ever get? Well. You were wrong, but this is worse. This is as close as you'll get, and he's totally unaware.

Need to. Lay down first. Sit down. Something. Your legs are trembling, Drifter, you're gonna fall if you don't make it back somewhere soft.

Using walls and pieces of furniture for stability they made it into the loft and collapsed back onto the couch again, shaking legs falling open as they couldn't help but imagine that dream again— the first one, him as some very, very cute and much less skeletal Duviri Dax, on top of them as they were laid out in the warm grass of a Joy spiral. Playing with his king.

His king. His.

Drifter started to tear up again, head thrown back against a pillow as they spread their legs a bit wider. It wasn't even that intense, but.. They'd never been touched by anyone else before. They still hadn't, they were not going to count this. But.. Ugh. Sorry, Amir, but fuck, does that feel good..

 

Amir was focusing up closer to the tip now, head tilted back as he could just barely imagine Drifter at his shoulder again, laying cold, void-touched kisses to his neck while they're using his hand to play with him.

Surely they'd be good at this. Better than he is at pleasing himself, somehow.

They're a sexy badass, surely they've been with plenty of people in the future, and someday they'll settle in and be as if not more promiscuous than Quincy is.

And you'll have to watch them pull cute.. Girls? Guys? Both? Into their loft, while doing this to yourself dreaming of what it would be like to be one of them.

Or worse, they'll actually do more than just flirt with Quincy. You know he's gonna gloat about that. Same for Eleanor— okay she might not gloat, but the energy radiating off her will do more than that when she actually comes out of their room after having slept with them.

 

Man, this was supposed to be focusing on the nice fantasy thoughts, not that.

 

He was still crying, circling his thumb over the head of himself, softly whimpering every time he flicked over those two little firm barbs at the very tip. The things he'd give, the things he'd do, just to have them there at his side. Maybe.. Not touching him, touching themself? Head leaned up against his shoulder, whispering to him about how good he's doing? Would they be sweet to him like that?

They are that sweet out of this context.. His mind was still reeling at the first time they were in transference, and just before that. They had "Nothing but praise" for how well he'd figured out his abilities so far. Would the same apply, if you somehow managed to score them like this? Even just for one night?

God, don't think about that stuff again, you're gonna cry more, Amir. You might anyway..

 

"Fuck.. Oh fuck.." Drifter gasped out, bracing their hips to the couch beneath them. He's being so gentle with himself, and thus, them by extension.

It doesn't help that because they have a very different kit than him, not everything quite lines up right on a sensory basis. There's a weird phantom feeling of anatomy they don't have, but the feeling does align when he reaches the tip, which must feel so fucking good for him, too, with how much attention its getting.

They have to do something about this. Can't just lay here and get fingered by your best friend, right? Not even that; that would be a whole other thing. They'd take that. Beyond their better judgment, they'd take that if given the option. This was more like going down there and pressing themself up against his door, touching themself to whatever sounds he's making.

Nope. Don't think about doing that. But.. How do you stop this?

 

Breaking the link to him that would drag you down there to him— or him to you, if you willed yourself into transference right now, wouldn't do it. You're aware of that from when you got stuck with a link to Arthur's emotions a few months back. Going into Volt didn't break the static.

So just going down and grabbing Volt won't stop this. Okay. Fuck. Think, Drifter. Think.

Thinking which is really hard for them right now, and so was their clit, gently throbbing to be touched for real as its nerves are being manipulated by Amir's touch.

Um. Okay. Cutting the static short isn't an option, you're pretty sure, but stopping him would work?

 

Try and make your way to your PC and text him?

Even if you do manage to get a hold of him, there's nothing saying he wouldn't go back to it right after he stops texting you, or that you could distract him long enough for the static to wear off.

Go down there?

Okay. One. Could you go down there, Drifter? Could you even make it? You can hardly walk with what feels like his fingers circling that lonely bundle of nerves you're trying to ignore. Hardly hold in the sounds. Can hardly focus, so going into your void form is right out. Surely someone would notice you trying to get to the arcade and that would be mortifying. Especially given that there's no good excuse for how you're acting, or the smell of sex radiating off of you if any of the others had just as sharp of senses as Amir did.

Two. If you did, the concept of knocking on his door, spooking the hell out of him, and if he did come to talk, admitting to this? No. No on several levels.

He'd be mortified.

He'd probably never trust you being in transference with him again.

And most of all? What he's doing right now feels so fucking good that they'd feel awful taking this from him. Breaks their heart a bit just thinking of startling him into stopping, be that with a KIM notification or by knocking on his door. He was probably trying to work off stress from earlier, they got that.. So it would be so fucking cruel to take this from him..

 

Can't break static. Can't stop him, not without breaking their own heart. So. Here you are, Drifter. A monster again.

They finally reached their hands down, pulling the waistband of their pants and boxers down to leave them bare assed on the couch, then reaching up to pull their shirt up over their pecs. The cold air on them made it all worse, highlighting that it was, in fact, just them here.

A fragment of a thought crossed their mind— Whenever they've had this happen before, aside from that one time with Arthur, the other end of the static was a warframe. Y'know, the things that can't exactly talk back and give feedback aside from tiny glimpses of acknowledgement. Did. Did this also go the other way, and Amir just got a rush of cold air over his thighs?

Was he about to feel.. Their hands? No. No, probably not. Arthur would have acknowledged feeling like his nose broke when they hit the pavement back then, if that were true.

So this is just between you and your fucked up thoughts, Drifter.

They placed one hand gently to their outer thigh, and the other between their legs.. Sliding a pair of fingers between their lower lips, feeling just how fucking soaked they were, between that dream and all of this. Gently, they began to massage the outside of their pussy with their fingers, letting his touch on their clit be the only attention it was getting for the moment.

"Fuck.. Amir.."

 

"Drifter.."

Oh Lua, don't start moaning their name..

Thankfully some of the spiraling parts of his thoughts were starting to fog out as he started stroking himself faster, applying just a bit more pressure, especially to carefully squeeze and try and get his whole swell in his hand on the upswing.

Gods, they're so pretty it's not fair..

They're so casual about it, too, if he didn't know better he'd think that they somehow don't know how attractive they are, even with two of the hottest people in the building flirting with them, even as jokes.

Focus on just the fantasy. Please.

What if they did come in here? What would you really want them to do to you, Amir? Screw you while you're doing this to yourself? Tie your hands up so you can't while they screw you? Or just this..

He could imagine their voice— low and soft, right up against him. Re-contextualizing something they said earlier.. "You've got this, lightning. I believe in you." Just.. Gently egging him on to cum as he practically melts in their hands.

Faster.. Not using his powers, that was way too much friction right now, but faster. Begging a Drifter who isn't here, who isn't doing this, to go harder at him, stop teasing, despite the fact that he is in control of what's going on. "Fuck.. Drifter.. Please."

 

"Holy shit—" Drifter's back arched, trying to buck their pelvis up into touch that they couldn't get closer to. He's going faster. It's torture at this point that the static isn't giving them all of what this feels like for him.

They were torn— touch their own clit and lose that singular feeling of it being him? Or suffer with the knowledge that with how they are right now, when he finishes, they certainly won't follow?

Fuck it. They slid their fingers up a bit and started stroking their own little cock along with him between two fingers, well, slightly off rhythm from him. That made this still feel special; and so overwhelming, in a wonderful way that blasted a lot of the shame off this for the moment.

Just shut their teary eyes, feel up their chest with their off hand and stroke themself off to the feeling of how much fun Amir's currently having with himself.

 

Amir gripped onto his blankets, braced his back to his mattress, and started thrusting up into his hand. Again. Imagining that was theirs, rather that they were in his head, with just control of that hand for the moment, stroking him as he starts getting so fucking desperate for this to be over. Gods, his mind is going wild, he can't focus on one scenario or the other— what if they're not in your head, what if they're nestled between your legs like they were in that dream? Watching you with those bright eyes, right where you know you'd be cumming on their face—

 

"Fffucking.. Void, you're getting desperate.." Drifter groaned out, not knowing that the two of them shared the same expression at the moment— mouth agape, tears rolling down their cheeks and eyebrows sadly furrowed.

He wants to come so fucking bad that they can feel it. Or maybe that's them getting desperate. Rubbing away at themself faster, begging for him to not finish too quick so they can catch up. "Please, Amir, just a bit longer.." They practically sobbed that sentence, and the next, "I know you can't hear me, but please hang on a bit longer, I need you.." Please. Please give them this.

They shakily sighed, imagining what he must look like, "Ugh, you must look so beautiful right now.." Is he up in his desk chair, getting off to something online, or is he still in bed? Laid back with nothing but his thoughts, almost like you, Drifter?

 

Sweat sticking the short bits at the front of his hair to his forehead, his pretty face all screwed up in blissful agony.. Are you lonely, Amir, or is this enough for you, and it's just Drifter that's desperate to have someone with them?

 

"Fuck— Drifter, please—" Everything Drifter was dreaming of was true, and more— he's crying, and whining out their name, and they have no idea.

 

Now Drifter's mind was going wild. Amir's rhythm has gotten a bit.. Ragged, off-kilter, like he's really struggling. Poor sweet thing..

If they had any less sense, they'd pull their pants up and put every ounce of focus they have left into slinging themself right to his door. Probably scare the shit out of him for a moment, but then just. Offer themself to him. Just for the night, even— in recompense for not telling him about this, just.. Let him have their body however he'd want it for the night.

Probably ruin their friendship in the process but maybe worth it? That's what their brain was saying now, at least, grinding their own hips into their hand.

They're not going to, but the thought was so, so tempting. That temptation is going untapped. They're doing plenty enough to push the boundaries of this insatiable crush they're developing, on a beautiful, sweet person they can't ever, shouldn't ever have.

 

Gods, he's so, so close. It's almost over. It's almost over then you can, literally, wash your hands clean of this. So just dive right into the deep end. Whimpering pathetically, going hard as he could without pushing into his speed levels of fast, imagining the Drifter watching him. Praising him. Cheering him on, with that soft, sweet smile on their face. Telling him how handsome he looks, like this. Somehow of all of that fantasy, that point was the most unbelievable.

 

"Mmmh.. C'mon, Amir.. You've got this. Void, I want to see how pretty you look right now. C'mon.. C'mon, Lightning. For both of us. Please.."

 

Amir bit down on his lip to do his gods-damned best to quiet himself down as he finally came, spilling his load all over his own chest and belly and a bit on his face. He barely cared, if anything that was part of the very end of that fantasy, painting his own chest so Drifter could help clean him off after..

 

Drifter moaned louder than they ever had into the open air, eyes snapping open wide as they felt Amir's orgasm through their own senses, and then their own. "Holy fuck, Amir.. Mmh.." They shut their legs around their own hand, buckling in half as they rolled onto their side on the couch. Desperately trying to keep feeling this, just for a few moments more. They could feel it fading— the static's finally leaving them, but now they wanted it for just a bit more.. Let their sick brain feel what he does after, too..

No.. No, he's not with you, Drifter. You're alone in a cold room, touching yourself to your friend having an intimate moment with himself. And that was probably the closest thing you'll ever feel to him touching you, unless suddenly your luck in life has done a complete 180 degree turn..

They really should go take another shower, but no.. They just.. Shakily pulled their boxers up, kicked their pants the rest of the way off.. Curiously, licking the fluid off their fingers.. They'd clean up better later. Pull a blanket up over themself and curl their arms around that pillow they'd imagined as Amir on their chest earlier..

Then they started crying. They hadn't sobbed like this since. Well. A month ago, now. Last time they'd been in transference with him 'for the first time' in any way. Yeah, no, doing that didn't help any, you made it worse, Drifter, because now you want him. This won't be the last time you do something like this, touching yourself to the vague idea of him being beside you. You can already tell that, as your mind and body are still aching for that phantom touch of his gentle, metallic fingers.

Not so much that you'd do that again on purpose, hell no, you're going to tell him about static next time, even if you have to sell a hell of a lie to deny any of this happened..

Which means, that was in fact the last time you'll feel his hands anywhere near there. Great. Fuck, Drifter, you've gotten yourself into a mess with him..

Curled up in their makeshift bed, Drifter ended up crying themself back to sleep. To more dreams of him? Maybe. They just hoped they wouldn't remember them, this time.

 

Meanwhile, Amir was left in full clarity, laying in bed, breathing hard and covered in sweat and his own cum.

Okay. Time for take 2 on that shower, because now he's, technically, covered in techrot goo again.

Less jokingly— Fuck. Fuck, no, that didn't shotgun blast all of those thoughts about Drifter out. If anything, he just made them worse, solidifying them in his head, to the degree that one last little hopeful mote of daydream imagined them curled up back here by his side.

He started crying again, not out of desperate pleasure this time, but.. Just. Pure sadness, and a non-negligible amount of shame. Fuck, Amir, that's your friend and you want them to fuck you? Or the other way around, even?

Oh god and you have to look at them tomorrow. With all that in your head from tonight.

Halfway tempted to give them the same treatment they gave him last month, suddenly becoming 'really busy' and avoiding them for at least a week.. But no. That'd crush them, too, wouldn't it.

It's not just a crush, now, Amir, not just admiring how pretty they are— you want them. And you are so, so afraid if they touch anyone else the envy might just eat you alive..

 

If only you could just. Reach in. Grab the whole folder of yearning thoughts about them from your brain and delete them. That would be so much easier. Just make the two of you friends. Nice, uncomplicated friends.

But no. Not unless you can become one of those.. Cepha-whatevers. Cephalopod? No, that's a squid. Or an octopus. Big glass brain in a jar. If you were one of those this would be so, so simple.

..You have to ask them about that, which means talking to them, which means looking into the eyes that you just got off to. Fuck.

Notes:

AUGH okay. it's okay! it's fine. they'll be FINE. just having an entire crisis about the everything.
*chewing at the bars of my enclosure*
this is another one of those where just. I'm hurting ME too, okay. just.. AUGH.

back to regularly scheduled non-porn first loop next. Or maybe something from farther in the timeline to squish these two adorable dumbasses together in a non angsty way. Idk.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Drifter Boros's Chaotic Thread of Eternalism
• Part 1 of Drifter Boros's smutty nonsense