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“Why do you have those bandages?”
Twotime knew the answer. Knew the question would come up at some point. But fuck, did it still come like a gut punch when Azure’s pretty little lips softly whispered it in their ear, breath ghosting their pale neck. And, even if they’d rehearsed the conversation a million times in their head, their chin still dimpled and eyes still winced, trying to hold back tears, when they attempted saying anything. Azure seemed to sense this- the considerate, saintly little shit always did- and simply held them closer, if that was even possible. The two were already tangled around each other, with Twotime’s legs wrapped around Azure’s waist, chest to chest, sharing precious warmth in the cold cabin. Twotime was about to force themself to croak something, anything, just to stop the awful tension, when their chin was slowly tilted upwards by a dreadfully tender hand.
“Why did you do it, my little nightshade?”
Azure spoke in such a small voice Twotime’s heart snapped in half. The hand not on their chin had snaked from its splayed position up their shirt to the fraying bandage edge, and along the wrapping side. Azure’s eyes became wider in real time as he realised how large it was, and the hardness in the back of Twotime’s throat came out as a chocked sob.
This hadn’t meant to happen. But they’d read one too many scriptures late at night, let themselves become too involved. They’d promised Azure they’d stop- Azure was nearly a God himself to Twotime, they’d sheepishly admit during pillow talk, but pleasing the Spawn was a must. They were but a lowly devotee, and if they weren’t willing to get a few scars on their body to show how beloved the Lord was, why even call themselves a Spawnist? But Azure would hate to hear that. He’d go into his spiel about how Twotime wasn’t just a cultist, he was a person who shouldn’t hurt themself, and how he hated seeing new scars on his ‘precious’ body every week (as if anything was precious about them). So, Twotime said the only thing they thought they could.
”I’m sorry.”
“It’s… it’s…” Azure’s eyes met Twotime’s, and the taller man let out a wistful sigh. His eyes were becoming glossy with unshed tears, and Twotime so, so hated being the cause of it. “Can I check on it…?”
Twotime nodded, sitting up so it’d be more easily unravelled. Azure had found out because they’d absent-mindedly taken their pyjama bottoms off, forgetting all about the new mark. It’d been hidden for a while under everyday clothing, and so was already majority healed. That made it worse though, as that meant they had hid it for longer, a weak voice in the back of their head said.
”No, it doesn’t, Times-“ Oh, so they had said it aloud…
“-but it would’ve be nice to see it to check for infection or-“
Azure had pealed back the last of the bandages. The words seemed to die in his throat.
A (mostly) perfect spawn symbol, with inconsistent depth causing it to be rougher at some edges, and thin at the corners. The sort of inconsistentcy someone with shaking hands with a blade being carved into them would have. Twotime had cleaned everything up, but the blood was on the inside of the bandage still, and there was a lot of it. It was a wine-dark shade where they hadn’t changed it- they only had so much bandage left after their last incident on their wrists, and too many ‘injuries’ in too little time would end up with questions from others.
”Glory to the spawn, right?” They said with the most forced, awkward chuckle possible. Anything to fill the silence. Azure just laid there, staring, hand still holding up the end of the grubby bandage, silent and still. That somehow made it worse. “Az…?”
Azure didn’t say anything, but his hand, with awfully trembling fingers, came to the edges of the scar. His touch was featherlight as he traced the corner to the next, and his lip quivered, once, twice, before he spoke again.
“Why do you do this?”
“…”
“I know this is how you want to worship the spawn, and at this point, I know I can’t stop you, but… but…”
Words tried coming out but didn’t. Twotime’s tongue had turned to an iron anchor on their jaw, and their throat stung like nettles with the sobs they were holding back.
”You obviously don’t love- not even like- yourself to stop, but I do. I hate seeing you hurt, nightshade, and you know that. Seeing this hurts. I hate doing this to you, but you’ve made it clear you don’t care about yourself. But don’t you care about how I feel?” Azure brokenly chocked out. His hand splayed across the centre of the symbol, palm trembling over Twotime’s chest. They bought their hand to hold Azure’s, but he pulled away before they could.
“Please, please stop hurting yourself. It’s selfish but I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t- can’t care about you this much and then watch you do this to yourself.” He turned away with a wet sniffle, and obviously wiped tears from his eyes. Twotime’s lungs felt like they were waterlogged and burning in flames simultaneously as they put their arms around themself. Trying to speak, trying to convince Azure it was all for the Spawn, seemed pointless. He just didn’t get it. The last thing Twotime wanted was to hurt his beloved, but the Spawn….
The Spawn came first.