Chapter Text
It was a moment of weakness. That’s what it all came down to in the end, one single moment in a long chain of moments leading up to that point. He had been watching Dana as she fell asleep, sinking from restless dreams into a deep, still sleep. If not for her slow, regular breathing he would have thought that she was dead. The way she curled up made her look so small, so vulnerable.
Earlier they’d been talking about getting off of Manhattan. It had been their only consistent topic of conversation for weeks now, the only one that felt really safe for either of them. Still, even it held dangers. Every plan he could think of involved some risk, getting attacked by remaining infected, discovered by the military, shot, captured, separated for any of those reasons, and countless other worst case scenarios that they’d managed to come up with together. What he didn’t want to mention was that he would be able to get out of any of them with little difficulty, she was the one in danger.
Ignoring the logistics of getting off the island, what would come next was still a problem. Dana wanted to stay in the states or at the absolute farthest go north to Canada. He wanted South America or Eastern Europe to be their goal because there were plenty of places for a person who knew what they were doing to safely disappear there. She didn’t like the reasons he gave for the places he suggested, making it a dangerous topic.
Further problems existed past that. Despite what she claimed, Dana wasn’t willing to cut off all ties and start a new life from scratch. Getting her to hide and stay hidden would be impossible. She was already trying to get him to help her brainstorm ways to reestablish contact with her friends and spread the news about what Blackwatch and GenTek had done. No matter how he tried he couldn’t make her see how unreasonable she was being, that trying to clear his name was a lost cause. All he wanted to do at this point was keep her safe, a goal that was mutually exclusive with what she wished to accomplish.
She was too fragile for her ambitions, that was the root of the problem. She acted like she was invincible and never gave any thought to harm befalling her, unless it was to counter his suggestions about what to do once they left Manhattan. When he suggested they find some place in the middle of nowhere and build a cabin, staying careful to remain cut off from everything and everyone she would talk about they could starve if they didn’t get enough food, how if one of them were to get sick there would be no one to help them, how they could get lost in the woods, attacked by wild animals, freeze in the winter and so on. Except none of that would be a danger for him, just for her. She was right that he could never keep her totally out of danger, but that didn’t make him wrong for wanting to keep her safe as best as he could. It was something they clearly weren’t able to see eye to eye on which pained him to no end.
Knowing that in the long run accidents could still happen, unforeseen events could still conspire against them, was agony to him. She was the world to him, his sole connection to humanity and the only thing he had ever truly cared about. To lose her would be to lose everything. If something did ever happen to her he would…he had no idea, it was that unthinkable.
And now, watching how still she was when she slept he found himself gripped by terror. It was too easy to think about her not waking up again in the morning. She was young and healthy, there was nothing wrong with her, but people died without any reason all the time. He had memories of men and women her age or younger even, dropping dead out of nowhere for no reason. As much as she meant to him there was nothing that made her any different from any of them.
Just seeing her asleep was unnerving. He wasn’t able to sleep, though he’d tried. Oh how he’d tried. All he could do was think and he already had too much time to think. When Dana wasn’t awake or around his thoughts, without fail, would return to her, how there were so many things that could happen to her that he would be powerless to stop. He had plenty of time to consider that she was the entirety of his world and that his world was impossibly small and fragile. He knew how delicate a person was, how easy it was to do irreparable damage.
She moved in her sleep, gripped the blankets tightly and moaned as though in profound agony. The sound tore at him, made him long to reach out and comfort her, but if he were to wake her, as he had in the past she would stare at him with an expression of sleepy confusion, having no recollection of what dreams might have caused her to make such a sound. Sure enough she balled the blankets up against her chest and fell back into a restful sleep.
That was even worse in its own way. What if she never woke up? What if she did and something terrible happened to her tomorrow? What if?
Clutching the ball of blankets she had made Dana whimpered, a piteous sound.
It was too much for him.
That was the moment of weakness, not his not entirely. It was something they shared through whatever bond there was between them. She still thought of him as her brother and he had done nothing to explain the truth to her. He felt terrible for his lie of omission, but what would happen if he were to tell her? She might want nothing to do with him, and that was fine. There were ways for him to watch over her without her knowing, but it would make things so much harder.
He had to act now before it was too late.
Standing up as quietly as he could, not that it was going to make any difference in the end, he approached the bed.
There was a moment’s hesitation, just a moment as he paused to brush the hair back from her face. At the gentle touch she muttered sleepily and rolled over. His resolve almost wavered at that small movement. If she had woken up and looked at him it would have been too much and he would have been unable to continue, but she remained asleep. He put his hands on her shoulders as softly as he could and braced himself because if this went wrong…
No, he couldn’t think like that.
If things went wrong in the results would be the same as if he had done nothing at all. Even if Dana survived tomorrow there would still be the next day and the one after that, and so on and so on, each one as full of dread as the previous. Then the days would turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years until none of it would matter. If he did nothing some day she would be old and he would still be the same as he was now. Eventually she would be dead and he would remain, alone. The quick death of failure or the slow wasting death of senescence would be the same. Death was death, no matter how it came, but he didn’t think that he would fail. The only reason he hadn’t tried before, hadn’t mentioned it as a possibility, was because he was afraid of what her response might be.
He tightened his grip, enough that she woke up and looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. It hurt to see her looking at him that way, but there would be much more pain for both of them before it was over. He hopped that she would understand that, that it would hurt him as well.
She relaxed slightly as she woke up enough to recognize him, “Alex? What are you doing?”
How could he explain? The answer was simple, he wouldn’t. When it was over she would know. Whether or not she understood was another matter. It was a bridge to cross once it was reached.
He dug his fingers into her shoulders until his nails broke the skin.
“Alex!” her voice rose, shrill and frightened as she tried to squirm away, “Stop! You’re hurting me!”
Yes, he was hurting her, he’d known that it would hurt, but for her at least the pain would be purely physical, which he told himself was a mercy.
“Alex!” she screamed and tried to push him away.
He’d heard so many screams that even hers was frighteningly easy to ignore. The blood rising up from the wounds he’d inflicted was impossible to ignore though and nearly caused him to slip and take things too far.
Tendrils rose up and dug in as he struggled to maintain control.
She screamed, clawed ineffectually at his hands as so many had before. This time was going to be different though, this time because it was Dana he would stop before it was too late. Letting go of her shoulders he allowed her to pull away, stretching the tendrils tethering them together. She couldn’t break free from them and he couldn’t release her. For a frantic moment they remained locked together until he shifted his hands into claws and cut them apart.
She fell back on the bed, screaming and writhing in pain as the tendrils continued to move on their own, digging in deeper and spreading. There was blood everywhere as she clawed at herself, trying to pull out the worm like traces of matter burrowing into her.
He wanted to look away from what he had done, but he forced himself to watch. It was the least he could do.
Her skin writhed as things moved beneath it and he noted with equal measure of satisfaction and distress that claws had burst through the tips of her fingers, leaving deep gouges in her skin as she tried to tear away the invading matter.
Screams faded to gurgles as blood poured from injuries, both self-inflicted and the ones he had caused, and eventually she grew still, the only sounds in the room her increasingly ragged breathing. Through it all she looked accusingly up at him, her eyes full of fear and pain.
Eventually the bleeding stopped, injuries closed at through they had never been there at all. The claws remained though, and when he approached the bed they grew longer and she shook her head, wordlessly begging him to stay away.
Not taking her eyes off of him she choked and gasped and finally managed to croak out two words, “Alex…why…”
“I had to,” he smiled sadly, “It was the only way to keep you safe, to make sure nothing could happen to you. Please try to understand.”
She narrowed her eyes, clearly not understanding, “What did you…”
As she spoke she tried to push herself up into a sitting position. In the process she caught sight of her hands.
Irregular patches of black armor began to creep up her arms.
“You didn’t…”
She stared at herself, at her hands, each finger now ending in an off-white bone spike two inches long. The changes sped up in response to her growing distress.
“Dana, calm down,” he urged gently, taking a step forward.
The armor reached her shoulders, irregular spines rising up there.
“No! Stay away from me!” she screamed and tried to leap from the bed, only to fall, tangled in the bloodstained bedsheets.
“Let me help,” he bent down to try and disentangle her, only to narrowly avoid being clawed across the face.
Without thinking he grabbed her wrist.
“Let go of me!” unable to make a fist due to her claws she pounded open-palmed against his chest.
She was still too weak to do any real harm to him, but the intent behind the futile blows hurt just as badly as any actual injury he’d received.
Reaching her chest the armor slowed its spread her ribs standing out in stark relief as the skin over them hardened. Halfway down her chest the spread stopped, her body lacking the mass to fuel further changes. She struggled in his grip, trying to twist away, screaming and cursing at him the entire time.
Realizing that his being there was only making matters worse he let go and backed away towards the door. He’d give her time to recover and come to terms with what she was now.
At least he knew that she’d be safe until then.