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Produce 48. They were 96, all fighting for those top twelve spots. It was their talent, their uniqueness and maybe even the way they carried themselves. But in the end, it was still destiny that brought them together, wasn’t it? They were all pit against each other, forced to outshine others for their own survival. But once they came together, the twelve of them forming one, they became Iz*one.
Iz*one, it has been 7 years since their debut. One might celebrate, it should be a happy occasion after all. And yet, why does the memory hurt like a dagger to the chest?
Of course, I’d never forget their smiles that day. Neither will I forget the tears of joy that sprang from their eyes. Lips sporting wide grins as they introduced themselves one by one, the proud smiles stretching across their faces. Relief and excitement painting all their faces as they bowed toward the camera.
Presenting us with their debut song, La Vie En Rose.
Then Violeta.
After that came Fiesta.
The next comeback with Secret Story of the Swan.
And lastly, Panorama.
Then it all came crashing down.
I’ve only seen you through the screen of my phone. A block of metal that displayed to me your high and lows. The block of metal that showed me who you really were. Through the spotlight, you were twelve girls, twelve girls that had fun with each other, that stayed even through the tough times.
And now?
It’s been 1765 days since your last comeback, Iz*one. You gave us your all then, and you were always there, cheering for me, cheering for us, cheering for Wiz*ones. You were always there weren’t you? The twelve of you together, there for us like a comfort that we could return to.
Until you weren’t.
The spotlights dimmed, and your desperate tears fell. I saw it in the way your backs turned and your shoulders slumped, hot wet tears slipping down your cheeks before you could even consider pushing the feelings away.
They say, right before you die, your whole life will flash before your eyes. And then it all came back to me, after you introduced yourself as Iz*One for the last time. Your laughter, your smiles. The playful banter, the teasing that crossed between the twelve of you has never failed to evoke a laugh out of my chest.
Your music brought me happiness, it brought colour, just the way you thought it would. Your music carried me, the melodies infusing into my brain before I even knew it. I wouldn’t understand it back then, couldn’t. After all, you were just another group, another band of 12 people singing in Korean. But still, you were always there. And that was enough, enough to make me realise who you were.
Iz*One.
And who I was.
Wiz*One.
I was late, far too late. I didn’t realise what I had lost before it slipped through my fingers. I didn’t keep myself updated, not really. I didn’t know Iz*One had to disband so soon. No, not until I saw your crying faces on the screen that day. I’d never have thought a ‘simple day in March’ could bring me so much pain.
Without me knowing, Iz*one, you weaved your music into my childhood, and yes of course, I know who all of you are now, how could I not? I’ve known the twelve that Iz*one consisted of for a long time now.
But I’ve only truly realised the disbandment when I saw your tears falling from those twelve pairs of eyes that day. You could say it was too late, since I only really saw who you were when you were disbanding. But really, does that matter anymore?
It hurt all the same when I saw the tears fall from your eyes. I felt the sharp sting, the pain, the emotions behind the tears that you let fall. So really, if that was when I truly saw you, does it even matter anymore?
Because in the end, I still saw you.
Eunbi, I saw the way your eyes cast down, when you finished talking, your lips pressed together to form a line that drooped downwards as you tried to hold back your tears.
Sakura, I could see the pain hidden behind those beautiful brown orbs, your voice dropping to a low whisper as you bowed your head, thanking us as your face streaked with tears.
Hyewon, your broken voice cracked something inside of me open, the way you choked out your thanks to us with a voice that was laced with sorrow, and the sniffles that escaped as you tried to suppress your tears.
Yena, you were usually bright and bubbly, a loveable goofball that never failed to brighten up my day, but when your shaking hands held the yellow mic up to your mouth, the words of thanks escaping before breaking off into a sob, it made me realise—your laughter, your bright smiles—were something I never cherished enough.
Chaeyeon, your quiet whisper into the mic before your head bowed, eyes locked onto the floor like it could do something, anything to stop the tears, stop the pain working its way across your features.
Chaewon, it was obvious, to anyone really—that you were not okay. Your uneven, erratic breathing as you managed to force the words you were struggling to say out of your mouth. The way your hurt was laced obviously into every intake of breath, sharp gasps and hiccups clearly audible as a broken thank you clawed its way up your throat, before you brought the mic back down to rest in your lap.
Minju, I heard the way your voice dropped a decibel with every syllable that you pushed out of your mouth, your voice growing softer as tears streaked down your face, a different kind of heartbreak laced into your features.
Nako, evident hurt was painted across your face, your jaw clenching and unclenching before you delivered your last words to us Wiz*Ones, eyes brimming with the unshed tears that had welled up during your speech.
Hitomi, your sad smile told me all the things I needed to know as you showed us a finger heart, bowing your head in gratitude and apologies all the same, unshed tears working its way out of your eyes.
Yuri, your eyes were beautiful, sparkling with tears that had collected as spoke, threatening to spill. Your gaze fixed onto us with an unspoken promise as you tilted your head, words of gratitude spilling from your lips.
Yujin, you shattered my heart, and made sure that it was difficult to piece everything back together. I was barely holding myself together, then the broken ‘annyeong’ that left your lips broke me. You let your tears drag down your face, and I let mine fall alongside yours, the sad smile that dimpled your cheeks was like twisting a dagger that had already caused enough damage.
Wonyoung, you were the youngest, I don’t think someone like you should have to experience something like this, ever. The way you held back your tears like you would break if they escaped. Your gentle voice comforting me as you whispered your goodbyes into the mic.
Iz*one, you were one. You brought me through my hard days, as one.
Colour*Iz.
Heart*Iz
Bloom*Iz
Oneiric diary
One reeler / Act IV
Maybe, somewhere in my heart, I still wish that you stayed longer. That you’d still be together, that you’d still be one.
And right now where are we? I said, I’ll always be a Wiz*One. But really? We aren’t one anymore are we? Dive, Fearnot, Glassy, Jigumi, Rubi, LOVvmE and Chaerish. Those used to be one. But I didn’t lie when I said I’d still be a Wiz*One.
Wiz*One. We have really changed so much, haven’t we?
Kwon Eunbi, Miyawaki Sakura, Kang Hyewon, Choi Yena, Lee Chaeyeon, Kim Chaewon, Kim Minju, Yabuki Nako, Honda Hitomi, Jo Yuri, An Yujin and Jang Wonyoung.
Can you believe it? They were twelve, they were Iz*One. That has to be enough. Doesn’t it?
‘You have to stop living in the past, and move forward in the present.’ Is a common phrase, and yet, I still stubbornly cling to these twelve figures. The ones that lit up my life. The ones that showed me it’s okay to cry, but after the storm has passed, we must rise up stronger.
I can’t forget it.
I can’t forget them.
Iz*One was my home. My safe space where we watched these twelve silly people have fun, supported them through their ups and downs and loved them. Maybe, you could say, out of sight, out of mind. But they live in the depths of my subconsciousness, so far in that even I can’t reach.
Because Iz*One, even as we watched you cry, we were undoubtedly crying along with you. Because back then, you were my world, and for one’s world to crumble before their eyes…
Maybe that was the end of a chapter, but it led into the start of a new one. One that maybe didn’t have Iz*One, but the plot can’t develop without leaving the previous chapter behind, can it?
As much as I want for you to come back, to reach out and tell you to be Iz*One again I know that that is impossible. And all I can do now is support you, wherever you may be, whatever you may do. So my last words aren’t a plea for you to come back, nor am I demanding for anything.
Just…
Thank you, Iz*one. Wiz*One will still and always continue to be by your side, like you have always been there, quietly, for us.
And in the end, all that’s left to say is,
Iz*One.
Wiz*One.
One.
Forever.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Happy 7th anniversary, Iz*One. 사랑해. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚