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Kindling and Firewood
There were a few main differences between kindling and firewood. Even the simplest, earliest people figured that out eventually after learning about fire itself.
Cave people. Sheltered people. People of low iq. People with the most basic schema. People of high iq.
People like Agnes Tachyon.
And, Agnes Tachyon herself.
While this was very basic knowledge, there was not much to get out of ruminating over something that had little to do with her actual study.
Especially with the way she thought about it.
Agnes Tachyon didn't mind comparing things. In fact, she quite enjoyed being able to connect one thing to another. A little mental puzzle built into you.
But, her comparisons involving this topic seemed to be purely emotional. Which was not currently useful whatsoever.
Actually, it was becoming a rapidly increasing hindrance. An infection.
It had also become incredibly clear to her that the topic she could not scrub from her mind, despite directly involving fire and its fuel, seemed to have nothing to do with it at the same time.
The topic, she discovered, had basically all to do with a particular uma.
Jungle Pocket.
So, despite all reason and frustration with herself for her lack of proper focus on the actual task, Agnes Tachyon was getting sidetracked.
With brooding, of all things.
Tachyon wasn't the best when it came to emotions. But she wasn't stupid either. She had somehow, along the way, ended up moping. About Jungle Pocket. When she had tons of important research she needed to get done.
It seems that not only were her legs betraying her, but now a part of her brain, this strange, irrational, soft and emotional part that she had managed to ignore for years for the sake of science, had started to fight back. To betray her instruction. To crawl out of the metaphorical cage she'd stuffed it in.
And it did that to yearn of all things.
It wasn't as often as Tachyon had made it seem. Simply crawling to the front of her mind when she was alone, when it was dark, when she was just too tired to put up a proper fight. During the day she could avoid it with ease.
That didn't make it any less frustrating. Any less annoying. Any less of a complete nuisance during the night.
She felt like Pokke, getting this worked up about something. Which, in comparison, was still far from close to how riled up Pokke got. But any amount that lasted this long and Tachyon was this aware of, was incredibly vexing.
Pocket. Speaking of her, she was a big reason for this. And for literally every other variable Tachyon had not authorized to come into play.
She couldn't even be mad at her. Which isn't too surprising considering Tachyon doesn't get mad very often at all. But with this much interference she'd assume a normal person would be furious.
Another completely perplexing thing, is that not only was she not mad, but she was completely enamored with Pokke instead.
So, naturally, Tachyon was going to avoid her without actually avoiding her the best she could.
Even if Tachyon didn't want to avoid her, even if she was the type to give into those irrational whims, Agnes Tachyon was still not built for it. Similar to how her legs were not built for her potential.
For you see, the main thing she was comparing in these thoughts about fire, was Pokke and herself.
How, in about every context, Pokke was firewood. She burned slowly, for a long period of time, slowly but strongly rising up into a bright, burning flame that lasted.
Tachyon was kindling. She was bright, she burned strong, incredibly strong.
But she dies quick.
Tachyon was built for burning bright and fast, to create a flame that helps ignite the firewood.
Kindling was good at starting a fire, but not to hold one alongside her firewood.
It's a hard, but necessary truth.
The tragedy of potential staying potential. What ifs staying what ifs. Unable to reach. Unable to stop dreaming. Unable to stop the torture the mind inflicts on itself when you want to do something physically impossible for just you. All requirements you need, abilities far beyond what should be considered natural, only for one variable to destroy that possibility. One requirement: unable to be checked off.
A potential to be the greatest. A speed greater than what should be possible. A mind built for glory. A body that yearns to run.
But too fragile to handle that speed. Too unstable to give it up. Too much potential to handle. Weak in a way that cannot be fixed.
Her legs are also like her compatibility with others. Unreliable. Doomed to fail. Unable to last.
Tachyon. In every way, shape, and form. Was a phantom as well. Something to haunt and hopefully push others in the right direction. To discover greatness and disappear. To haunt others.
Agnes Tachyon was kindling. Agnes Tachyon was doomed to be a ghost.
Which was one reason why she admired Pokke, she was firewood. Which was why she decided that, for the best, she would set Jungle Pocket on fire with her own dying flame and watch her burn brighter overtime than Tachyon ever could.
Hopefully, this scenario will set her off. With a guaranteed burning of the bridge they had built to each other. The one Tachyon had allowed to be built for the sake of science. And then it will bring Pokke to greater heights than ever possible, compared to if she kept searching for Tachyon. For there was nothing good that would come from humoring this ultimately doomed connection any longer than it should be. It would only burn both of them out faster, with no added brightening and strength.
Agnes Tachyon would burn. She would burn for the sake of science. Of progress. For the sake of discovery. And for the sake of Jungle Pocket.
She would set fire to the bridge. She would let it crumble. And she would spark Pocket into a stronger flame.
That will be the thing she was most good for.
Tachyon would stomp down any possible snuffing. She will stomp down these irrational wants and feelings for the sake of everything.
Tomorrow, she will run in the Satsuki Sho.
Tomorrow, she will race.
Tomorrow, she will win once more.
And tomorrow, will be the last time she does.
She will move to plan B.
She will burn.
And she will ignite her firewood, her guinea pig, her Pokke, her Jungle Pocket, as kindling does.
Agnes Tachyon will let Jungle Pocket burn brighter than she ever could, longer than she ever could. And accomplish her goal in her place.