The Daffodils in Y(our) Lungs

by Yaouri

Summary:

Why exactly did Shadow cough up a daffodil? Sonic had no idea, until Rouge told him that Shadow was in love with someone. As feelings grew, Sonic began to hope it was him. Until things took a turn.

Chapter 1: The Daffodils Reveal Themselves

Notes:

new work 😼😼😼😼😼 honestly i’ve been planning to write this but i have put it off but dw cus i locked in this week bc i remembered it existed also there’s gonna be hamilton references sprinkled in here because i just rewatched it

The blood splattered on the floor. It was a horrifying scene really, and I didn’t even know what exactly he was hacking up. Until a daffodil fell into the crimson puddle.

How did this even happen? Why did this even happen? What even led up to this? Well, I can only answer the very last question.

It was a normal day, I was out on a nice run. I was really enjoying myself, until a certain black and red hedgehog ran up to me.

I didn’t even notice he was there, until he punched me straight in the gut. For some reason, the punch lacked the usual depth it had. I had my worries, sure, but maybe he was just having an off day. So, of course, I decided to verbalize my obvious complaints instead of asking him why his punch didn’t feel the same.

“Dude! Are you serious right now? If you wanted my attention, you could have just said hi!” I had so much more to say, but all the words left my mind when I turned to look at him.

Shadow (the strongest and healthiest hedgehog I know) looked weak, and frail. He was pale, had dark bags under his eyes, and was actively struggling to catch his breath. Seeing his weak state, I could feel a ginormous hole in my stomach. Man, he looked ill. I couldn’t help but show my concern on my face.

Probably sickened by the very blatant worries written all over my face, Shadow turned his head away from me, baring his teeth. Before I could even make a snarky comment to try and lighten the mood, he decided to ask me something.

“Are you up for a race right now?”

I probably should have asked him if he was up for said race. But alas, I got swept up in such a request and accepted before any actual thinking took place. Honestly, I really should use my critical thinking skills when I’m not in immediate danger. I didn’t even think about if he was the one in danger.

“Oh? Well how can I say no to this? Especially when you asked so nicely! Y’know, punching me directly in the gut and everything.” I could not fight back the snarky remark before it crawled its way out of my throat. Clearly, my efforts to lighten the mood had no effect, as the ‘Ultimate Debbie Downer’ turned to look at me once more. This time, there was a slight look of guilt on his face before it went away. Then, he only showed a clear distain for what I said. The look was so threatening that one could only wish that they could pull it off as well as he did. He probably just really wanted to race. Couldn’t have been that he actually felt bad. Maybe that guilt-ridden face was just a look of pure excitement about our soon-to-be race!

Shadow coughed into his hand. The cough was strong enough to make his intense and straightened posture falter. “Well, then let’s go.”

I pointed to some tree among the awaiting forest that looked to be at least a mile away. “First to make it to that tree and back wins.” I clarified before Shadow nodded at me. Honestly, I totally expected this race to be a complete tie. The tree wasn’t as far as some places we’ve raced to before.

However, as soon as we started the race, Shadow started to fall behind. I didn’t notice until I made it to the tree. I had turned around, and saw that Shadow was only about three quarters to the tree. Sure, to a normal person that isn’t worrying at all. But for Shadow? Y’know, the ultimate life form? That was worrying. He also looked insanely out of breath.

After I made it back to the start, I looked behind me to see how far behind he was. This time, he was just gone. The only thing that made me realize he didn’t leave was a faint noise somewhere within the forest. Coughing.

Unless trees found out they could cough it quite literally couldn’t have been anyone else. But even then, why was he coughing? Was he sick? Can he even get sick?

I was quite worried. Honestly, I was probably too worried. But that’s not the focus right now. So naturally, I decided to desperately look for him.

It felt like I was going in circles. However, the coughing noises that kept getting louder told me otherwise, so I just kept going.

Eventually, I turned a corner, and saw my rival red in the face. There was a humongous pile of blood on the ground underneath him. He was still coughing.

“…Shadow?” The coughing stopped, then continued. “Are you okay? It’s not like you to just run off like that.” Despite how hard he was coughing he still managed to send a deathly glare in my direction. To be fair, my first question was quite stupid because he certainly didn’t look okay.

I don’t know why, but I instinctively stepped forward, and placed my hand on his back. I could feel his body stiffen, and that’s when it happened.

The daffodil fell.

Notes:

wow i think bro has some flowers in his lungs or sum this is insane it’s like hanahaki or something also i may have written this while my friends were playing just dance so i was lowkey fighting for my life

Chapter 2: The Daffodils Bleed

Notes:

yooooooooo i finally finished the plot stufffffff im gonna try updating this biweekly but the key word here is ‘try’

EDIT: my bad i forgot what biweekly means i meant im gonna update twice a week

Well, that happened.

Shadow stopped coughing, and we both stared at the daffodil sitting in the wine red puddle that contrasted against the bright green grass. I probably could’ve chosen a better time for a stupid quip, but I panicked, okay?

“So… I’m just going to assume that isn’t normal for you.” I stupidly verbalized the obvious conclusion. Shadow sent an insanely pissed off side eye in my direction.

“No shit.” There was a moment of silence before Shadow decided to berate me more, his voice scratchy from coughing so hard. “What, you think I just cough out flowers for fun? You think I just woke up today and decided to hack up daffodils of all things?” Shadow sighed.

“Well… Do you know why you’re coughing up flowers?” I genuinely had no clue what was happening, and was grasping at straws for answers. Shadow nodded.

There was a pause before I decided to break the silence. “And you’re not going to tell me?” He nodded again. “Uh, okay?” I dragged out each of the syllables to emphasize my complete and utter confusion. Why did he feel the need to not tell me? Wouldn’t it just be easier to admit what happened? Honestly, I just decided it wasn’t my problem, and to not push it any longer. “Is there anything I can do to, like, help? If you need, I can walk you home.”

When I offered to walk him home, he snapped his head to look towards me. “Ew, no, what? I don’t need any help. Just leave me alone.”

“Why would I leave you alone when you just coughed out, like, a gallon of blood?”

“And you care because…?”

“Dude, why wouldn’t I care?” What was Shadow on about? Of course I care for my rival! Shadow groaned.

“Ugh, never mind.” Shadow avoided the entire conversation as he started to straighten up. “Just know that I don’t need help.” He said that yet his eyes were just helpless. He somehow made that insignificant movement look excruciatingly painful.

I was starting to get tired of his lack of self-care. “No, Shadow, you can barely stand. Just make this easier for both of us and let me help you.” I don’t know why I even tried.

Shadow shot me an empty glare. “I can take care of myself.” He very clearly lied. Before I could call him out on his bluff, he stormed off, leaving me to stand next to the pile of blood and flower petals.

I didn’t even notice the flower petals scattered around in the puddle until then. The blood was starting to dry into a sickening shade of brown onto the grass. The full daffodil looked squished, and sad.

As I stood next to that sickening puddle, I had no idea what to do. It’s not every day your rival has daffodils in his lungs. One part of me wanted to follow him, but the other part wanted to do what he said in fear of being dramatically beaten. Torn between those two halves, I couldn’t make a decision. So I just stood there.

>

Hours later, I was back at my house, sitting on the couch and watching a movie with Tails. It was late at night, and Tails was already sound asleep. I however, was not as fortunate. I could not sleep no matter how boring this movie was. Not with how my mind replayed every single second of Shadow and I’s interaction. It was strange no matter how I looked at it. Last time I checked, people couldn’t just grow flowers in their lungs and cough them out. There was definitely something deeper going on.

My never ending race of thoughts came to an abrupt end when I heard a light knock at the door. I let out an exasperated groan. I was using far too much brain power trying to find out what was going on and the last thing I needed was for some disrespectful punk to talk to me in the middle of the night. I still decided to get up and open the door. Just because I didn’t want to didn’t mean I should just leave whoever it was outside.

When I opened the door, it was someone entirely unexpected.

“Rouge? What are you doing here so late?” I asked, curious as to why she felt the need to come to my home at such a late hour.

“Look,” she said, her voice flooded with concern, “do you know where Shadow is? We were supposed to hang out a few hours ago, but he stood me up. I messaged him a few times and got no response. I went to see if he was brooding or something at his house, but he wasn’t home.” She looked towards me, a small glint of hope in her eyes. “I’m kind of worried. He hasn’t exactly been…” There was an abrupt pause, as if she were hiding something. “Feeling the best recently.”

I quickly realized the severity of the situation. She had to be desperate if she wanted my help finding him. I didn’t know the first thing about where he would go or anything. I decided to tell her what I did know. “The last time I saw him was a few hours ago.” Rouge sighed in response. “I can look for him if you need, I couldn’t sleep anyways.” I offered.

“That would be great. I need a break from trying to find him.” Rouge sighed in relief before she went away, presumably back to her home. Welp, guess I’m really doing this, I thought to myself before running off to where I had my last interaction with Shadow.

The forest was way too eerie for my comfort after dark. It felt like something was going to jump out at me every time I turned.

After making it to the tree (which was very scary by the way), I realized that I had not thought about what I would do after this point. That was until I remembered that he stormed off in some random direction, and I could just follow my memory. Sure, it wasn’t the best idea, but it was also the only working idea. So, I started blindly walking in the same direction Shadow had.

When I was a few feet into the walk made of hopes and prayers, I realized that there were small bits of blood scattered in the ground. As I looked closer, I saw that there were also small bits of daffodils in there. It must’ve gotten pretty bad. But at least I actually had an idea of where I was going.

Each second was beginning to get more excruciating. There was just more and more blood, it was a surprise that he had even made it this far without anything happening.

My steps came to a very unfortunate stop as I accidentally kicked something. As it turned out, that ‘something’ was an unconscious Shadow the Hedgehog.

Notes:

oh wow shadow is lowkey getting his ahh handed to him in this

also i wrote some of this while my sister was crying about her break up soooooo yeah

Chapter 3: The Daffodils Hold a Secret

Notes:

Yeah i’m gonna upload every wednesday and weekend if i can 😼😼

Shadow’s breath was so shallow, I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing.

Oh Gaia, he might be dead, I thought to myself as I frantically crouched down and tried to shake him awake. I knew it was a sad and hopeless attempt to wake him, but it didn’t hurt to try.

There was a giant dried blotch of blood-soaked daffodils next to him. If only he had accepted my request. I mean, he only lives, like, a block away. It wouldn’t have been a problem at all.

Before I continued to get distracted, I snapped back to reality. First, I needed to check if Shadow was even breathing in the first place. So, I raised my hand and placed it on his chest. Yeah, sure, there were probably better ways to approach this situation, but that’s what I did.

I could feel his chest rising and falling with each quick, small puff of air that entered in his flower-ridden lungs. Before I could think too hard about how he would brutally lunge at me if he were to wake up right there, my hand on his chest of all things, I stopped the awkward position we were both in.

After verifying that he was alive and breathing, I needed to think of what to do next. Did I need to take him to a doctor? Would a doctor even know what to do? Ultimately, I decided to take him to Rouge. After all, she was the one who wanted me to look for him.

Standing back up, I messaged Rouge. I only sent a simple, ‘I found Shadow, I’m going to take him to your house.’ before looking back at Shadow. Then came the big question. How exactly was I going to get him from point A to point B?

I thought of many ways. Dragging him by the foot, dragging him by the arm, maybe even dragging him by his quills. I immediately thought against it. That would just get him hurt, and it looked to me that he couldn’t afford such a thing to happen to him. Not with how much blood he probably lost.

So, without thinking, I crouched him down and picked him up. Yup, the princess way. My right arm was hooked under his knees, and my left arm was holding up the back of his neck. It was a good thing he was unconscious right then. He totally would’ve punched me square in the face if he wasn’t.

As I walked to Rouge’s home, I desperately tried to ignore how flushed I felt carrying him in such a way. I chalked it down to being embarrassed that I had to carry him princess style. I also tried to ignore how I could actively feel Shadow’s breath through my fur and on my actual skin. Every time I thought of that, it sent an unexplainable tingle down my spine.

Before I think about that topic more, I had arrived at Rouge’s doorstep. The door was weirdly elegant. It had a fancy window in the top half, and was also freakishly tall. As I stared at the looming door, I wondered how exactly I was going to announce my presence. I could ring the doorbell, but I’d have to basically bicep curl Shadow to actually use it. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have too good of upper body strength. I could barely carry Shadow as is. It was the same problem with knocking.

As a desperate attempt to tell Rouge that I was there, I kicked the door. Just a few loud taps with the tip of my foot.

Not even three seconds later, Rouge opened the door. She opened it gently, yet fast. It was like she was just sitting at the door the entire time I was looking for Shadow. She looked exhausted. I thought she was going to sleep her worries away, but I guess she didn’t. No matter how much the two say that they’re not friends, I really don’t believe it. Especially after seeing her sheer panic at seeing a very not awake Shadow in my arms. It was clear she came to the conclusion I had when I first found him.

“He’s breathing, but barely.” I clarified before she did whatever it was when she panics. She never showed that side of herself, so I had no idea what would happen. It was easier just to tell her before she acted on her conclusion. Rouge let out a sigh at this news. She gestured at me to come in.

“Put him on the couch.” Was the first thing she said as she closed the door behind me. She sounded more exhausted than she looked. I did what she said without putting up a fight. I mean, it was clearly the best option. If it were any other day, I would’ve just dropped him on the weirdly fancy couch, but since he wasn’t conscious at the time, I placed him down delicately. As if a single mishap would’ve shattered him. At least, that’s what I convinced myself.

There were 2 chairs beside the couch. One on each side of it. Rouge groaned as she sat down in one. “You’d think that knowing the cure would convince him to get rid of those flowers.” …What? I thought to myself. He knows the cure? Wait, Rouge knows the cure? She knows what this is?

I needed to know what was wrong with him. “Why is he coughing up flowers, Rouge?” I made eye contact with her as I stood in front of Shadow. She visibly stiffened, and held the eye contact.

Rouge sighed, releasing all of her previous stiffness. “He has Hanahaki Disease.” She winced as the words fell out of her mouth.

“Okay, that sounds serious but I have no idea what that is. I’m going to need you to, like, explain.”

She tapped her chin in thought. “Basically, he likes someone but won’t say anything tell the person.”

“What the hell does that have to do with the flowers?” I ignored the weird feeling of disappointment I felt hearing her words. She sighed again, but this time it was an exasperated one.

“Flowers are growing in his lungs because he won’t tell the person.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, like it would help me realize how stupid the whole situation is. It actually kind of did, though. “The worst part is that it’s deadly. He’s going to end up dying because he doesn’t want to admit it.”

What?

Notes:

see yall next weekend 😼😼

Chapter 4: The Daffodils Won’t Tell

Notes:

HALFWAY POINT BABYYYYYYYY

honestly i’m surprised i got this chapter done so fast especially with double my normal word count (and not to mention how many things i’ve been dragged to for the past few days) i was just really excited for this chapter

also i wrote a lot of this at like 3 am so please forgive me for any spelling or grammar errors 💔💔 anyways, this is one of my favorite chapters so far so enjoyyyh

Shadow is so genuinely stubborn, it makes me want to rip my quills out. What do you mean that he would rather die than admit his feelings? I gave Rouge a flabbergasted yet exhausted look. I studied her face, and realized something.

“Do you know who he likes, Rouge?” She reluctantly opened her mouth to speak after hearing my weirdly intense question. That was until she completely stopped in her tracks, her eyes directed to the hedgehog next to me.

Instead of being unconscious however, he was awake, and sitting up. Not only that, but he was giving Rouge the most intense glare I’d ever seen him use despite his visibly bleary eyes. She shut her mouth, making an audible clicking sound. Shadow laid back down. With that glare, I had lost all opportunity to know what was happening is full detail. I wanted to let out a loud groan, but swallowed down the feeling. This was the only way I could find out what was happening, more specifically, who it was. Thinking about how weird that sounded, I came to the conclusion that there was absolutely no other reason for wanting to know who Shadow liked. I mean, who wouldn’t know who their rival had a crush on? Sure, knowing who probably wouldn’t really help the situation, but that was the only sane reason I had, okay?

After sitting in silence for a few good minutes, I decided to break the silence. “Are you feeling alright, Shadow?” He sighed before making a snarky response.

“What do you think.” He stated rather than asked, while shaking his head. His voice was hoarse and strained. It lacked his usual bitterness.

I was really desperate to make the entire situation less heavy and awkward, so I pressed on. “I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.” Shadow rolled his eyes.

“Rouge, get him out of here.” His voice sounded worse as he grumbled that sentence. Rouge gave me a quick look before I nodded in acknowledgement. Honestly, I only left because I knew Shadow would not hesitate to actually throw me out of the house. While I normally would actually find that very entertaining, I did not want Shadow to do too much with his weak body and end up dying or something. So, I waved goodbye and started to walk out the door.

“I’ll visit you tomorrow, Shadow.” I suddenly declared before leaving. I had no idea why I said that, because then I had to basically admit that I knew where Shadow lived by visiting there the next day. Why did I know where he lived when he kept his personal life so private? Simple. After one of our latest races, I desperately (and secretly) ran after him. Why? Uh, good question that I definitely don’t know the answer to! It’s not like it’s a super embarrassing reason or anything like having a crush on him and really wanting to know more about him! No, not at all! Wow, what an unreasonable conclusion that is not at all true!

Both Shadow and Rouge looked at me with their own individual strange faces, probably realizing that I knew where Shadow lived for some reason. Rouge looked at me with an intrigued face, while Shadow looked mildly confused. Before they could both see the heat rising up my face, I swiftly walked out the door.

The whole ‘I know where you live’ situation caused me to fall to the ground into the fetal position as I shut the door behind me. After admitting such a thing, I really needed a break to just sit there and handle the humiliation.

Clearly, I could not handle the whole thing, because I started hearing things. One thing I heard was from the other side of the door. It sounded a lot like a Rouge saying, “Well, are you excited for your little date tomorrow?” and a Shadow coughing loudly. Realizing that I may have genuinely started to go crazy, I got up, and ran back home.

>

The next day, I stood at his doorstep, questioning what exactly I had done to deserve such humiliation. Looking back, I could’ve messaged Shadow, and asked him where he lived, or something. But no, for some reason, I hadn’t even thought of doing that. I mean, I also could’ve just not visited, but I am not a dirty liar. I knew I was going to have to go through with this whether I liked it or not. So there I was, just standing there, working up the courage to knock.

Apparently, I didn’t even have to work up the courage, because the door started to creak open. Well, no going back now I guess. I started to plan the funeral for my pride.

Before I could decide what plot of land I would buy to bury the casket, Shadow appeared from behind the opening door. He decided to berate me on the spot.

“I would’ve waited for you to knock but you’ve been here for thirty minutes already. I was getting tired of waiting.” Yeah, I don’t think my pride will ever recover from this. Honestly, if Eggman had found me there and shot me eighty times in the chest, I would just take it. I would take anything to get out of this situation. Probably noticing the awkward silence that had followed my bargaining, Shadow decided to speak up. “Are you going to come in or what?” I silently begged that I could actually say something instead of standing there and looking stupid. Feeling the horrible embarrassment rising to my face again, I nodded. Shadow moved himself to the side and gestured me to come in.

His house was less fancy than I expected. It looked like your basic starter home. Gray walls, nice wooden floors, and minimal decoration. After looking around a bit, I found one thing that wasn’t normal. It was the comically large jar of coffee grounds smack-dab in the middle of his kitchen table. I had to fight back a big laughing fit. The most insane part of it was that it was open, had a spoon in it, and the grounds were spilled onto the table. Tearing my vision from the hilarious view, I looked to Shadow, who seemed to notice my amusement.

“You must really enjoy coffee to eat it by the spoonful.” I could not stop myself from commenting on the coffee.

“Normally I do, but I accidentally breathed it in earlier, which sent me into a coughing fit. I can’t look them right now without needing to cough.” Shadow paused from his speech about coffee grounds. “And you can probably guess that I don’t really want to cough anymore than I have.” The reminder of why I was there brought a pit into my stomach. I forgot that he was dying. Not only that, but I forgot why he was dying.

“Hey man, I can clean it up for you, if you want.” Why was I doing this to myself. Why is it that I could never seem to shut up around that guy?!

Shadow let in a sharp gasp and tried to let it out, but unfortunately for him, his body did not want to do that without a fight. Shadow got thrown into a violent coughing fit. He shot out a hand to hold on the wall. He held onto it like his life depended on it. Looking back, it probably did. He couldn’t really risk anything.

“I guess the comical coffee jar can wait. Go sit down, man.” I gave him a quick once-over. There were still petals coming out of his mouth. Despite how… sickly Shadow was, he still felt the need to be mean and unwelcoming to his own guest.

“Don’t tell me what to do. This is my house. I can take care of everything myself.” Shadow somehow managed to get out between coughs. I let out a dramatic sigh.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I just left? Right now?” I didn’t want to leave, but if he wanted me to leave, I would. Shadow’s stance weakened at my question as he looked up at me with dejected eyes. His coughing had died down. I turned to leave, or at least tried to until I felt an intense and unwavering grip on my upper arm. I snapped my head around to see what the issue was. My eyes met with his. I don’t know how I had never noticed it before, but he looked so much worse than the first time I saw him in this situation. It had been a little more than a day, yet he somehow got even more frail. He was skinnier, pale, and had bloodshot eyes. How long had he been dealing with this?

After staring at him for far too long, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Taking a deep breath, I shrugged his hand off of my arm, and grabbed his instead. Without thinking too hard about it, I dragged him over to the nearest chair. Letting go of his arm, I placed both of my hands on his shoulders and forced him to sit down. He did not fight back once for some reason.

Unfortunately for him, the closest chair was the one next to the coffee. I didn’t think twice before making a decent attempt at cleaning it. Somehow, I could only manage to put the actual jar away. The coffee grounds on the table wouldn’t get out of the wood grain. Eventually, I gave up and put some paper towels over it.

Now that the coffee problem was solved, I had to actually do something to help Shadow feel better. “Where do you keep your cups?” The only thing I could think of doing was getting him water. Shadow blinked in confusion.

“The cupboard by the sink. Why?” His voice sounded horrible. It was like a person who smoked 8 packs a day for 86 years. Instead of answering his very valid question, I grabbed a cup and ran it under the sink to fill it with water. I placed it in front of Shadow before sitting down in the chair next to him. To my dismay, the chair was uncomfortably close to the point where my knee was touching his thigh. Ignoring the fact that neither of us pushed one of our chairs away, I spoke up.

“You should drink some water. It might help your throat feel less… scratchy, I guess.” Yeah, honestly, I had no idea why water would help, but he seemed grateful nonetheless. He drank a few gulps before placing the cup down. “So… Rouge told he about your, uh, situation.” I cut straight to the chase.

“I’m aware.” His voice sounded less hoarse.

“Okay, listen. Please tell me who it is! I can totally help you ask them out, or something. You can’t just—“ I wanted to end with a ‘you can’t just die like this’ but that would be an insane thing to say to someone actively dying. So instead, I sighed.

“I’m not telling you who. Not right now, at least. Maybe some other day, but not today.” Well I at least got something to look forward to with that sentence. “Can we talk about something else? I’m already sick of this conversation.”

“Okay then, what do you say we talk about?” I was too lazy to go down with a fight. Shadow sipped his water a little bit.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know that much about you. What can we talk about?”

“Perfect! We can tell each other things about ourselves!” I jumped to the idea at an embarrassing speed. I just really wanted to learn about my rival.

“That’s corny, even for you.”

“Fine then! We can just sit here and not say anything, if that’s how you want to be.” Shadow nodded. Realizing that silence was probably what he wanted (and that by giving it I wouldn’t get what I wanted), I tried to come up with something else. “Or I can talk your ears off.” Shadow nodded again. “Or, uh, I can eat all of your coffee ground, uh, right now!” Shadow drew the line there.

“Why do you want to talk to me so bad?! Don’t you have better things to do?!” I guess the coffee comment really got on his nerves.

“Is it really that bad that I want to learn about you, man?!” I snapped back without hesitation. “Ugh, fine! We can just sit in silence or whatever.” I hadn’t processed what I had said, but Shadow sure did.

“…What do you want to learn about me?” That comment made me realize what I had said. The embarrassment I felt could only be understood by a few.

“Uh, anything? I guess?” Boy oh boy, how was I going to recover from this? To my surprise, Shadow went along with it.

“Well,” Shadow looked around, probably to find something to talke about, “I like coffee.”

“Okay, well, that one’s obvious. Try again.”

“You’re making this impossible.”

Before I knew it, it was dark, and I had to leave. I had to ignore the burning sensation in my heart telling me to stay with him in order to go home.

I thought that would be the last time I ever had to go to his house. I wish I could say that was the last time. I had said that the last time, but it became a pass time. The worst part was, it was always the highlight of my day. Visiting him, and just talking. Learning a few things about him that I may have written down for no reason whatsoever. However, no matter how much I begged, he would not tell me who it was.

That was, until one fateful day. Exactly a month into this endeavor.

Notes:

YUP THATS RIGHT WE GOT TWO DIRECT LYRICAL REFERENCES TO SAY NO TO THIS

I wish i could say that was the last time i said that last time it became a pass time a month into this endeavor i received a letter from a mister james reynolds even better it said 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

Chapter 5: The Daffodils do Something Unforgivable

Notes:

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is one of the turning pointsssssss hope i did decent enough (i’ve been putting off some important schoolwork for this)

That day had sparked a light of hope in my chest. I hoped that I could finally help him. Or maybe, just maybe, that it would be me.

You see, that night I had begged Shadow to tell me who it was. Not in a playful way, but because he was visibly getting worse.

He was bedridden, and could barely sit up. It looked like a small touch could easily break all his bones. I had to start visiting him in his room. I had a designated seat next to his bed where we talked. It was next to his side table. Despite this, he still sat up to greet me when I had come to visit. Not only that, but he showed me a small smile. Even though he had been smiling at me constantly at that point, I would be lying if that didn’t have me all giddy. The Shadow, being happy to see me? The idea of it was enough to make me grin.

“Hey, Shadow!” I greeted him back while making my way to my chair. It had a sticky note on it saying in messy handwriting ‘Sonic’s Chair’ with a smily face next to it. In one of our many conversations, I had decided to actually claim the chair as my own.

Next to Shadow’s bed, was a trash can. It was filled with what had to be liters of blood mixed with whole daffodils.

Most of our conversations had become one-sided because it would hurt him too much. That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t try to hold a conversation. He looked at me expectingly, waiting for my daily question. I decided to ask again.

“Willing to tell me who it is?” I asked the expected question. I had began to lose hope, but still asked for the routine. Shadow responded as usual, by shaking his head. The shake of his head somehow made him visibly dizzy.

“I’ll get your water, hold on.” I told him whilst getting up from my chair. I got him water everyday. It was another part of our routine. This time felt different though. I could see, feel him getting weaker. I had to do something other than getting him water and talking. But what could I do?

Seeing my conflicted expression, Shadow asked a question of his own. His voice lacked all consistence and strength. “What’s wrong?” He asked as I handed him the water and sat in my chair. He took a big gulp of water.

“Shadow, please. If I know who it is, I can help you. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.” The giant lump in my throat made it difficult to choke the words out. Just thinking about what could happen was enough to make my eyes water and burn. Shadow put the glass in his lap, making sure it didn’t spill by holding onto it with his hand.

“Don’t worry yourself, I’ll be fine.” He flashed that smile again. Even though the encouragement was appreciated, it didn’t help. Like, at all. All I could think about then was ‘What would I do if I couldn’t see that smile again?’ As embarrassing as it was to admit, I don’t think I would be able to live with myself.

Seeing that his words didn’t comfort me, Shadow tried to sip his water. This time, he was too busy looking at my pained expression to see what he was doing. He spilled the water all over himself. I got up from my chair.

“I’ll get you a towel.” I promised Shadow before leaving the room.

This can’t keep going on. Every breath he takes looks painful. I thought to myself. He’s barely eating anymore. If I don’t do something, what’s going to happen?

My hurricane of thoughts had refused to end when I finally returned with the towel. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing.

That was until I heard a gravely voice. “What are you doing?” He looked up at me, and I finally took in my surroundings, and boy was it embarrassing. I was leaning over him. I had placed the towel on his chest and was wiping off the water with my left hand, and my right hand was on his back, holding him up. I could feel his heart pounding underneath my hands.

He opened his mouth, likely to retaliate against the very vulnerable position we were in, but paused as he continued to look at me. “Are you okay?” Shadow asked cautiously. Completely ignoring all concept of nonchalance and unwanted questions, I spewed everything I was thinking of on him.

“No, actually. I can see you getting so much worse and I know that there’s something I can to do help but I don’t even know what. I don’t know what would happen or what I would do if—“ The lump in my throat stopped me from speaking more. I took a deep breath and pushed on, summarizing everything I said. “I can’t lose you.”

Shadow straightened up at that last part, making our faces a mere inch apart. His eyes softened. My hands hadn’t moved an inch, nor was I planning on changing that. He took up my peripheral vision. The lack of space was making me more anxious than it should have. Shadow’s strong eye contact definitely didn’t help my anxiety. I could feel my body temperature rising. Call me crazy, but I could’ve sworn he was moving in closer, and so was I.

I could feel every short puff of air Shadow was letting out. Before I knew it, both of our eyes were closed. I could feel him grab my arm, and he started to close what little distance was between us. We got closer and closer until…

…I jumped back, releasing all hold we had on each other. At the sudden space I had put between us, Shadow furrowed his brows and looked away. What the hell just happened? What were we going to do?! My heart was pounding in my ears, it felt like I was going to explode. The only thing I could hear was Shadow mumbling, “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

I couldn’t process that, however, because again, what just happened?! I couldn’t stop replaying the past few moments in my brain.

In my daze, I mumbled some sort of an apology and ran off to my house. If my mind were clearer, maybe I would’ve heard the loud coughing behind me.

The entire night was a blur. I have no idea what Tails asked me when I came home, when I came home, or what I physically did. All I remember is the constant replay of those moments.

I couldn’t sleep. I was weak, and awake. I had to think about the inevitable. Do I have feelings for Shadow? With that, a whole new train of thought had started. It would explain a lot about my behavior towards him. Yeesh, it was obvious.

Throughout that sleepless night, I had decided two things. One, I needed to go over there again despite the fact that it would be horribly awkward after our last encounter. After all, he did say that he would tell me. And two, I needed to say something about it before something freaky happened (‘something freaky’ being flowers growing in my lungs).

When morning finally rolled around, I set out to do just that. Even though it was humiliating to go back there again, most of me was excited to see him.

However, instead of being with that warm welcoming smile, I was greeted by (what I assumed to be) an unconscious Shadow. That hadn’t happened in a while. In fact, it hadn’t happened since the time I took him to Rouge’s place. I tried not to panic as I did the same thing as I did then. I desperately shook him first. This time, he was cold and stiff. The panic started to crawl out of my throat as I put my hand on his chest.

“No, no no no no no. You’re not doing this to me.” I croaked out as I tried to feel for a pulse.

There was none.

He was gone.

Notes:

rip shadow you would’ve loved labubus 🙏🙏

anyways in all seriousness i know the almost kiss was in a weird spot but i just wanted to add one okay and this was the only spot i could bc it was the last scene before he died

Chapter 6: The Daffodils Reminise

Notes:

I’m surprised I got this chapter done because i’ve lowkey been so busy for like no reason. I had to help out with a trunk or treat and it was excruciating 💔💔💔💔 I found out that people have genuinely no idea how to use a FREAKING PIPING BAG and frosting was everywhere it was horrible and i don’t recommend it at all

have fun reading guyssssss

What a sick twist of fate. I can only remember bits and pieces of what I did that night. Most of which involve me bawling by his side, my hand still on his chest. I remember calling Rouge to tell her what happened, and how she took care of everything afterwards. It was crazy seeing such a sarcastic person handle something so melancholy with such saddened grace.

Eventually, she gave me a journal. It was Shadow’s, and it was something he wrote in everything. I can’t believe he kept a diary. If he were still alive, I would probably laugh at this sentiment, but instead it became a way to pretend he was still alive. I used it to escape from this crushing reality. Especially since I had started to feel a cough coming, probably from how little I slept and stuff.

Despite how thin the book was (about a half an inch), the first entry was from a year ago. It honestly didn’t hold too much significance, it was really just his weirdly elegant and elaborate handwriting talking about events that had happened that day. It said something about how he was told that writing about his day was a good way to relax.

After reading a few pages, I realized how much he had going on for him. He constantly went out on little missions that always ended up with him doing some silly little side quest, some (actually, quite a lot) of those being beating me to a pulp, but still.

One of these entries, was dated exactly a month before I had found him. It said: Today was particularly interesting. For some reason, I had a cough. Eventually, I coughed out a few daffodil petals. I went to Rouge about it, and she looked horrified. She didn’t tell me why, though. Maybe I’ll ask about it later.

He had it for that long? I started to frantically flip the pages.

Instead of answering my question, Rouge just asked me if I was in love with someone. What a weird way to avoid my question. I refused to tell her the truth, but she managed to fish it out of me. It was very embarrassing. One of her tactics to find out that I like Sonic— I stopped reading.

What? There’s no way. It can’t possibly be— I blinked a few times and reread the segment to see if I was imagining things.

After my fifth reread, I realized that nope, it was in fact written there, in his handwriting. I let out a shocked cough at that.

It was my fault?

There’s no way he died because of these reciprocated feelings. That’s so unfair! I continued to read.

—was by constantly begging me. Normally, I would just assume that she was being nosy, as usual, but there was a clear tone of urgency in her voice. I ended up giving in, just for her to laugh at me then tell me that flowers are growing in my lungs. She pisses me off. Not only that, but she told me to confess to get rid of it. I don’t know what’s worse, getting rejected or growing flowers in my lungs.

He really thought I would reject him. I flipped to the next day.

Rouge won’t stop pestering me about telling Sonic how I feel. Something about how the flowers will keep growing. Honestly? I couldn’t care less. Daffodils aren’t the worst flowers to grow in my lungs.

Flip.

After one of Sonic and I’s races, I went home as per my routine. But this time, I realized Sonic was following me. I could see he was trying to be secretive, so I just never said anything. I wonder what he was doing.

That bastard noticed and didn’t tell me! I can never show my face around that place again. I seriously thought I was being all sneaky too! Ugh!

Before I could agonize at my horrible stealth abilities, I decided to flip to the next mention of the flowers. With how much I had to go through, it was clear he really didn’t care about the whole ordeal.

Today, I saw Sonic. Exactly a month after finding out that he was the reason I have Hanahaki. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see him on purpose. Honestly, Rouge had convinced me to confess, as the coughing fits got stronger. However, midway through the race I asked him for as a stall, I had another coughing fit. He saw me, and I coughed out a whole flower. In the heat of the moment, I ran off. I didn’t make it far before fainting. According to Rouge, Sonic had ‘princess carried me to safety’. Also known as, her house. He also accidentally admitted that he knew where I lived. I guess that explains what he was doing that day.

I let out an audible groan of embarrassment at that. I knew he found that weird. I flipped the page.

Sonic visited today, but he sat there at the door for thirty minutes instead of knocking. He looked deep in thought. Did he think that I would just know he was there? I did, but my point still stands. I had to open the door before he knocked, which was questionable, to say the least. He seemed suspicious. I think he realized that he basically told me he stalked me. What an idiot.

Wow. Was it really me? I read further.

I can’t believe he’s the one who consumes my waking thoughts.

Yeah, never mind. I guess he was just made to be mean that way.

The next pages were all about my visits, which was quite flattering. Sometimes, he would mention Rouge telling him to confess, but other than that, it was all me. Honestly, it was kind of insane to me. He also mentioned finding out that Hanahaki was deadly, which I have no idea why he wouldn’t think that in the first place, but who am I to judge.

The last page was from the night before our almost kiss.

I need to tell him. It’s getting difficult to breathe, and I have no idea if I can take these visits any longer before I cough myself into my grave. Clearly, getting rejected is better than this horrible disease.

I miss him.

That was all I could think of before my cough reminded me of its presence. Before I could think about how I should probably take a long nap after that, I coughed something out.

A petal.

Notes:

guess who didn’t get the chance to confess!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:) muahahahahaha just a glimpse into my sick and twisted mind

guess that explains the our in your lmao

Chapter 7: The Daffodils Relocate

Notes:

sighhhh i know it’s technically thursday and that this chapter is way less than the other ones but i had a lot of stuff going on and i also just really didn’t know where to go with this chapter bc in the outline i literally only wrote a sentence so yeah enjoyyy

Oh no. I never confessed. I thought. Maybe a better way of phrasing it would be: I never got to confess. Oh brother, what am I even supposed to do?! It’s not everyday that you grow flowers in your lungs because you didn’t confess to your newly dead crush.

How is this even fair? I actively can’t confess. Eventually, I decided to head to Amy’s place. She typically knows what to do about this stuff.

She doesn’t live too far from me, the road was only half a mile. Trees littered the edges of it. Their leaves started to turn orange with the transition into Fall. Before I knew it, I was at her doorstep.

I had to knock a few times before she opened the door. Her face brightened up when she saw me.

“Sonic! What brings you here today?” She asked, smile never leaving her face. I cut to the chase.

“So, uh—“ I trailed off with sarcastic laughing, “I have a bit of an issue.”

“Really? What’s wrong?” Her joyful demeanor dulled a little bit hearing that I had a problem. One of her biggest characteristics is how empathetic she is. These moments are when I remember that.

“So, say someone’s, uh, crush died.” Saying those words hurt me more than it probably should have. “What would happen if said person got, uh, what was the word, uh, Hanahaki?” I threaded my hands together as I awkwardly laughed, trying not to think about everything too much. My efforts were in vein however, as all I could think about was him. About how much I miss him. How much I miss our hang outs, our conversations, our routines, just him.

“Sonic, are you okay?” Welp. That ruined my flawless façade. She’s so in tune with people’s feelings, it’s almost scary. The second my crippling thoughts were somewhat brought up, I started shaking. Not in a ‘oh my goodness I was found out’ way, but a ‘oh no she knows’ way. I’m supposed to be the fearless hero that’s never brought down, I can’t be caught being heartbroken. Despite this, all of my feelings overflowed, causing me to tell everything to her.

“Um, not exactly.” My voice broke because of the painful lump in my throat. Before I could continue, Amy invited me into her home. With shaky steps, I followed her in.

Her house was very colorful. It had many paintings up, the walls were painted a pale green, and she had two couches with fancy throw pillows on them. They were on opposite walls of each other. She gestured me to sit down, to which I did.

“Okay. What’s going on?” She asked, giving me an empathetic look.

“So, I think I have Hanahaki? I was coughing earlier, and a petal came out.” I tried not to dump everything on her, but she could tell there was more than that.

“Why don’t you just confess and get it over with? It looks like you already know the main basis of it, so why ask me?”

“Yeah, so about that, uh…” I tried to tell her before she cut me off.

“Hold on. A better question would be, who is it?”

I looked around her house to stall. However, I couldn’t keep that up. Sighing instead, I told her the truth.

“It’s Shadow.” Amy made a face of excitement towards this answer. Perhaps she knew about his situation too. She ended up realizing the major flaw in this specific scenario, and her heart visibly broke. The flaw being that Shadow’s dead, of course.

“Oh…”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Look, I’m here to ask if there’s any way I can get rid of it.” Amy subtly winced at my question. Well that certainly isn’t good. She sighed.

“No, there’s no way to get rid of it. Not without confessing to him.” She looked away from me.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, I can’t. Are you sure there isn’t a surgery, or something? I want to be able to grieve properly without thinking about my own demise.” The bitterness in my tone stemmed from the idea of not having time to process everything that happened. Amy turned back to me, tears in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, but there isn’t anything you can do. They’re going to keep growing.”

Notes:

GRAH ONE CHAPTER LEFT!!!!!

one of the reasons i didn’t get to writing this chapter until like 2 hours ago was because i had a super bad stomach ache that i got yesterday and it just never left so can someone please buy me a “tummy ache survivor” shirt 😭😭😭😭

Chapter 8: The Daffodils Finish What They Started

Notes:

SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS STILL TECHNICALLY SUNDAY FOR ME SO I AM ON TIME IVE GENUINELY BEEN SO BUSY SO YOU CANT EVEN BLAME ME

I could not bring myself to believe that there was truly nothing to do. Since when wasn’t there? I have never encountered a problem that had absolutely no solution.

Well, I guess that there was a solution. But, the time for that passed. Then came the question: what do I do for these last few months of living?

There was so much yet so little to do. I ended up just acting like everything was completely fine (fine being that I stayed in my room grieving over Shadow) and that coughing out flowers constantly was just a normal Tuesday. That didn’t stop the questions though. One day, Tails had caught me just coughing my lungs out in my room.

“Um,” he started tentatively, fiddling with his gloves as he watched me cough out those crimson-stained daffodils, “are you okay? You’ve been visibly getting weaker. Are you sick or something?” He seemed to not notice the flower petals in the pile of blood.

“Eh, more or less.” I waved him off. I couldn’t tell if it was the way these flowers blocked my lungs that made me look horrible or if it was the way that Shadow's death had caused me to forget to take care of myself. Tails could only guess the latter.

“Listen, I know his death was hard for you.” Tails came to sit next to me. “I know how close you two had become before…” Oh you don’t even know the half of it, I wanted to bitterly reply to his statement before he looked away from me. Tails was always super anxious when it came to people being upset. He tells me that’s the reason why he likes making robots and stuff, because he doesn’t have to cheer them up or anything when they’re sad. He said that it’s because they can’t be sad. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that you need to take care of yourself. You’re not looking too good.”

“I’ll be fine, Tails.” I tried to reassure Tails (and also myself). I wasn’t aware how painful it would all be until now.

My lungs burn, my throat burns, hell, everything I do just hurts. I every breath I take feels like I’m inhaling lava, which, like, isn’t possible.

Is this how he felt?

That’s a stupid question. Of course it is, he had this first! Ugh, how did he manage this whole thing for that long. I’ve gotta ask him that when I die and see him again. I’ve been just sitting in bed coughing my lungs out, waiting. Waiting for when I can finally run again. For when I can see him again.

Just like him, I’m bedridden. People have been visiting me, but not often enough to know how bad it’s gotten. All they know is that I have a ‘horrible, horrible cough.’ I mean, that’s one way to put it. It certainly is horrible. I can’t really imagine coughing out daffodils being anything less.

Knock knock! is all I hear before someone walks in. It’s Amy.

“Hey there.” Amy states, lifting her hand in a somewhat wave. She’s not using her usual smile. To be fair, I am actively dying. I can’t really blame her. As I sit up, I wave to her, trying to keep the mood up by smiling. “How are you feeling?” I shoot out my hand in a thumbs up. While it clearly isn’t the truth, I didn’t want her to feel horrible for me.

“Why are you here today?” I manage to get out. With that sentence, I can feel my throat screaming at me. The small light in her eyes dulled very slightly. Probably because of how bad I sound. I probably shouldn’t talk for the rest of her visit.

“I brought you soup.” She lifts up a bag that I didn’t know was there. She puts the bag on the bed. I hastily pick it up and examine the contents in it. It’s just chicken noodle soup. I mean, you can’t go wrong with it, it’s just the most basic flavor she could’ve ever chosen.

Shrugging off the impolite comments that tried to crawl out my insanely scratchy throat, I start eating it. It’s still warm, and honestly tastes really good.

“So… How are you handling not being able to run?” She asks, probably not knowing what to talk about. At this, I stick my tongue out and give her a thumbs down. She lets out a small laugh at this, but it’s super strained.

I can’t handle not being able to run. I mean, that’s my whole brand! Running, being free, just generally not caring about the world. Unfortunately for me, I just can’t do that anymore.

Amy sighs, breaking me away from my thoughts. Instead of asking what’s wrong, I give her a desperate look of confusion. She seems to understand, as she begins to talk again.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I can’t believe that this is just the reality of your situation. Like, Sonic. The hedgehog. Is dying because his crush died?” She sighs again. “I just don’t think it’s really fair. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” She’s not wrong at all, but when it comes down to it, I don’t really care that I’m going to die. I mean, I get to see him again, right? Sure, I’m going to miss my friends, but in the meantime? I’m going to hang out with Shadow! I can’t wait to see him again, it’s only a matter of time. The idea of it is enough to make me cough. As I’m coughing, I shrug in response to her.

“Well, I should probably go.” She says, walking to the door. “Sorry for cutting this short, I have some stuff to go to.” She walks out, shutting the door gently behind her. Leaving me alone with my thoughts. To no one’s surprise, I’m thinking of Shadow. I’m thinking of what’s going to happen when I see him again, if I see him again. I start coughing again. This time, it’s stronger. I can feel the lack of air in my lungs. Gripping at my blankets, I can feel multiple flowers getting hacked up.

Despite all of this coughing, I can only think of one sentence:

I want to see him again.

The lack of oxygen is causing me to not really be able to see properly. All I can see is just a really bright light. And through it all, I see him. In that blinding light, he’s there, waiting for me. I can’t help but run into his arms, and bring him into a tight hug.

It’s finally over. I can breathe again.

Notes:

bro died in this economy 💀🙏 does he even KNOW how much the casket of finna be??? 💀💀💀💀 he just like maria fr

anywaysssss yippeeeee thank you guys for reading this has been very fun and i’ve enjoyed just like writing so much in so little time and honestly i think writing this stuff is working i can feel my writing powers getting stronger who knew all it took was a little doomed yaoi lmao