Chapter Text
It's been about two months since they last saw him. Doesn't sound like much time, does it? Yeah, but the last time they saw him doesn't really count, they only saw him at the tournament of sources, fighting against his former lover and then he disappeared, nobody knew where he went.
So if you don't count this time as the last time they saw him, the last time they actually saw him was about six years ago now. It's been six years, since they last interacted with their brother. It's been six years since the merge happened, six years since they've been separated.
Polaris didn't went to the Monastery to visit him. Don't get them wrong, it's not like they didn't want to see their brother, they missed him a lot, but he wasn't the reason they went there, because they didn't even knew that he was there. Everything they knew, everything the others told them the last time they visited the Monastery, was that they didn't knew where Jay was and that Nya and Kai would go searching him.
Apparently they've found him. And apparently no one thought of telling Polaris that they're brother was back at the Monastery.
The reason why they went to the Monastery was because they have heard of the fight against Thunderfang the Ninja head and they wanted to check up on them. They were their family, maybe not as much as Jay is, but they still considered them as family and cared for them.
Therefore it was a bit of a surprise as they opened the door to the living room of the Monastery and seeing their brother sitting on the couch, a controller in his hand and playing some video game.
It hurt them, seeing him sitting there like he belonged there. Of course Jay belonged there but everything they knew was that he lost his memories and none of the Ninja knew where he was so it was really weird. And it hurt so much more, that nobody seemed to have cared about telling them, that Jay was back. Nobody.
Polaris froze at the doorway, simply staring at him, unbelievingly. Questions flew through their brain. Why was he here? Did he gain his memories back? Since when is he back? Why didn't anyone tell them, that he was back?
He looked different. He already looked kind of different, then they saw him at the tournament. There he had slightly longer hair, new scars, new lightning marks, he looked rougher, a lot less light-hearted. But now? His hair was pulled up in a weird looking ponytail, something about his eyes were weird, he seemed to have fangs slightly coming out of his mouth, similar to a vampire or a wolf, his expression was cold and wary, they didn't saw anything of the Jay they knew in the man sitting there even though it was him. More or less.
"There's a stranger in the living room by the way. Should I be worried?", they heard him say without looking up once from his video game. His volume was rose, so that the others who were probably somewhere in the Monastery could her him.
Stranger.
They were a stranger to him. To their beloved brother. It hurts, it hurts so much.
They were about to turn around to leave the Monastery, to go back to their parents trailer. Back to people who didn't think they were a stranger, people who would tell them if their beloved family member returned.
"Lari!", a familiar voice called out, tone surprised but also happy.
Their gaze wandered through the room until they saw the source of the voice. Lloyd was standing across the room, at the entrance to the hallway, a smile on his face.
It seem to slip a bit as he saw the hurtful expression on Polaris face, his own expression turning more into a guilty one.
"Can we talk?", he asked them.
Polaris hesitates for a moment. Of course they wanted to talk, of course they wanted answers to their questions but the hurting side of them just wanted to leave like a pouting child. But they weren't a child anymore, they were 21 for the First Master's sake as much as they didn't feel like that. And they wasn't really fond of miscommunication. So they gave a small nod, accepting Lloyd's offer.
Lloyd gave them a sign to follow them and they swiftly crossed the room, now avoiding to look at Jay. Jay who still hadn't looked up once from his game, still completely focused, not caring about them.
They were a stranger.
He didn't care about them.
Polaris followed Lloyd to his room, closing the door behind them. They felt safer with a closed door.
Lloyd's room was painted in a comforting bright green, most of the furniture wears different shades of green, same goes for his clothing and bed sheets. All the Ninja stayed true to their colors, which was comforting for Polaris in a way. It was something that stays, something that didn't change.
They were handed a paper and pen by Lloyd, a slightly tight but nonetheless grateful smile appeared on their face. Polaris theoretically could speak but they rarely did it. They preferred nonverbal communication, with gestures and expressions, sometimes they spoke through sign language or written text to tell others things they couldn't do with gestures. That's the reason they always carries a notebook in their bag. And it's the reason that there's loose paper and pens scattered everywhere in the Monastery. A thing Polaris was very grateful for.
After they both sat down on his bed they wrote a simple 'When' on the paper they were given, which earned them a quiet sigh from Lloyd.
"Since the battle against Thunderfang. Jay was part of it because he was commissioned to get Ras but he got hurt and we convinced him to come back with us to the Monastery. He doesn't remember anything from before the merge, at least he told us that he doesn't and he's here to heal his injured leg. I don't even know how injured his leg is, he doesn't let any of us check on it", Lloyd explained them, they gave a small nod here and there as a sign of understanding.
'Haven't told me', they wrote down next, looking at Lloyd with a hurtful expression. Lloyd was the closest to them from the Ninja team beside Jay. Not long after the merge they went to the Monastery, wanted to look for Jay and the other Ninja. No one was there, no one but Lloyd who was devastated about what happened. From then on they often visited Lloyd, stayed for a couple of days, sometimes even weeks, so that he wasn't alone there. They also invited him to Ed and Edna's scrap yard so he could get out of the Monastery from time to time. They grew really close.
They remembered celebrating Lloyd's eighteenth birthday, shortly after the merge with them, only the two of them in the silent Monastery. They were sixteen back then. Five years ago.
So it really hurt knowing that a person they considered as close family kept such important information from them. They missed their brother so much.
"I'm so sorry Lari. I really am", the boy beside them said, his voice filled with regret. Even though they new they meant it, it didn't do much to sooth their pain. "I planned to tell you, but it was a lot. Especially because he's… Jay isn't really Jay anymore. Yeah, some sarcastic remarks, his dumb jokes, his love for video games, that is there. But that´s not everything he was and it's so hard seeing a stranger in a body of someone you're so close to", Lloyd tried to explain, his voice hitched here and there. "We didn't really know how to tell you. I knew it'll hurt you, I know how much you miss your brother. But that's not really him and I didn't want to hurt you. But I did with not telling you and I'm so so sorry"
Polaris saw the desperate look on Lloyd's face, how much this all effects him. Jay wasn't only their brother, he was Lloyd's as well. They knew each other way longer than Jay and Polaris knew each other, Jay practically raised Lloyd with the other Ninjas.
They looked at Lloyd for a while, then they spread their arms, offering a hug for the boy. Lloyd didn't hesitated in the slightest and threw himself at Polaris, wrapping his arms tightly around them.
"I'm really sorry Lari", he repeated. Polaris hold him in the hug, running a hand over his back in a comforting way.
"Are you mad?", they asked them, to which they shake their head. Polaris wasn't mad at Lloyd or any of the Ninja, not really. They were simply hurt.
After a couple of minutes they pulled out of the hug, grabbing the pen again to write something down.
'Stay at Monastery'
They looked at Lloyd with a questioning look, wanting to know if they're okay with that. it's his Monastery now so it was his decision if they could stay here or not. They were sure he wouldn't deny but they wanted to be sure.
"Of course you can stay here! Do you still want to sleep in Jay's room or…", his voice trails of at the end of the question, looking at them for an answer. Polaris gave a nod. "Okay, he's not sleeping there as of right now. We offered him but he wanted to stay on the couch, so yeah, don't worry about that", Lloyd explained them, a hint of sadness in his voice. Again they nodded.
"I'll get the room ready. You… please try to not hurt yourself, okay? We all want him back but he's not the most pleasant person to be around, so please take care of yourself", he said, looking at them with a worrying expression.
Polaris sighed. They were already hurt by the fact that Jay didn't care about them, that he was them as a stranger, they would get hurt staying here, staying at the same place as their brother. But they nodded reluctantly, if only to sooth Lloyd's worries.
Lloyd stood up and so did Polaris. They followed them out of his room, back into the living room. Polaris gave him a questioning glance, Jay's room was the other direction but he shrugged it off.
"Jay!", he called out in the direction of the couch, where Jay still sat and played his game. From this view Polaris could see that he played Prime Empire. It's been many years since the whole Unagami thing but Polaris couldn't really understand, why the Ninja still played this game they were trapped in. They were very sure they wouldn't feel comfortable doing this, but they weren't much of a gaming person, rarely playing with their brother or the other Ninja.
"Jay!", Lloyd said again, louder now, slightly annoyed after the former Ninja didn't gave any reaction.
"it's Rogue, not Jay. How many times do I have to tell this?", they heard Jay's answer, his voice frustrated and his posture slightly tensed. Polaris glanced at Lloyd who rolled his eyes. They raised an eyebrow at that. Did he ignore, that Jay- Rogue had a preferred name? Even if it was kind of weird and another thing that distinguishes the man from his former self it was kind of understandable for them. If he lost his memory and didn't remember anything from before, he didn't wanted to be associated with his former life. It hurt but Polaris could understand it.
"Yes, yes", Lloyd said, clearly annoyed by J- Rogue's correction. They poked him at the side, a slight displeased look on their face. If they were honest, they didn't expect something like this from Lloyd. "Sorry", he muttered under their breath. They simply pointed at Rogue, Lloyd should apologize to him, not to them.
"Rogue, I just wanted to tell you, this is Polaris. They will stay here for a while. And they're your sibling by the way", he told the man, who know paused the game, slammed the controller in his lap and turns around to look at the two. He looked pissed.
"Sibling? Are you kidding my greenie?", Rogue said, his eyes rolling, still tense. "They look nothing, really nothing like me. It doesn't make any sense, that they'd be my sibling, you have to come up with something or someone better, it's not funny anymore"
Someone better. They weren't good enough.
"Ever heard of adoption?", Lloyd replied frustrated to which Rogue drily laughed.
"Of course I have heard of adoption, I've shattered my goodness, not my intelligence" Rogue retorted, pinching the bridge of his nose giving a snort filled with annoyance. "But you think I'd fall for this? Claiming some random person to be my adopted sibling? That's stupid"
Lloyd looked like they were about to say something back but Polaris interrupted him by placing a hand on his shoulder, shaking their head. The boy sighed but gave in.
"Believe what you want to believe Jay-"
"Rogue"
"- but Polaris will stay here. I simply wanted inform you about that"
"Fine, I don't care. Like there aren't enough people trying to convince they know me, one more doesn't matter", Rogue snapped back, averting his gaze and taking the controller back. Without another word he continued playing his game.
Lloyd buried his head into their hands and huffed annoyed. Then they looked back at Polaris.
"I'll have to go now, I'll get their room ready", he told them. "You coming with me?"
Polaris shake their head as a silent 'no', glancing at Rogue for a moment. A worried look formed on Lloyd's face.
"Just… be careful, okay?", he asked them, their voice lowered down so Rogue couldn't hear it.
Their nodding seemed to be a satisfying enough answer for Lloyd, as they waved them goodbye before leaving the living room.
Polaris stand there for a moment, unsure what to do. They wanted to spend some time with J- Rogue, with their brother, hoping that they could spark some memory in him. But Lloyd told them, that Rogue was here for a few days already and nothing happened. Could they even do anything, after he had to live without any memories from before the merge for six years?
They quickly shook their head, dismissing their intrusive thoughts, not wanting to give up before even doing anything. With a few steps they crossed the room and sat down at the other side of the couch, pressing themselves in the corner.
They didn't like the distance to their brother but they knew better than sitting directly next to him.
A small huff from Rogue told them, that he noticed them and that he wasn't amused by it.
"Can´t you just let me play in piece? Is it that hard to just let me be?", he snapped at them. Polaris ignored this, simply looking at the screen.
It was something Jay and them did often, before the merge separated them. Jay played some game and Polaris watched him silently, enjoying to spend some quality time with their brother.
But this was different. Totally different.
Polaris couldn't cuddle up to their brother as they would usually do and Rogue seemed completely uncomfortable with another person being in the same room as him.
"Can't you at least say something, instead of ignoring me if you have to sit there?", Rogue continued, gaze still fixed on the game, despite talking to them.
Hesitantly they reached out to touch Rogue with a finger, trying to get him to look at them.
They achieved that. Rogue now glared at them with a furious look, his hand grabbed their wrist forcefully in a quick motion.
"Don't touch me", he hissed at them.
Polaris didn't even try to hide their shocked expression. This seemed to amuse him.
"Yeah, annoying me but as soon as I do something your scared", he said in a mocking tone, a malicious grin on his face. "Coward"
As they looked at him, their expression hurt which he didn't really seem to care about, they could see his pupils colored in red. This was new. Probably happened after he shattered his goodness, together with the fangs he had now.
"Why are you even here? Can't you just go and to something useful around here like everyone else of these idiots does?", he continued, not letting go of their wrist. It hurt them, both physically and mentally.
They shook their head, the only answer they'd give him.
"Talk to me, for the First Master's sake, it's not that hard", he groaned, finally letting go.
Polaris quickly retreated their hand, slightly rubbing over their wrist with the other. They gave another shake of their head.
Rogue seemed to be about to say more but then stopped, looking at them for a moment.
"You don't speak, do you?", he finally asked, some less bite in his voice but still suspicious.
Again, they shook their head. Rogue mustered them for a while, before he turned his head to the TV.
"Good, one person less to pester me about my supposed past life", he said, a barely audible tone of tiredness mixed with the annoyance in his voice. "But let me play now, I don't want to waste my time with you"
Was that what the other Ninja did? Pestering about his past life? Annoying him?
And they already noticed how Lloyd refused to call Rogue by his preferred name.
Were the Ninja forcing the whole Jay thing onto Rogue? If yes they could totally understand why Rogue reacted how he did.
Nobody seemed to respect or care for him as he was.
Maybe another approach would be a better option.