Total Drama Hellstorm

by fellow_existor256

Summary:

Mike The Bear didn't have a great track record.

After all, his 'Family Party' was considered nothing more than shovelware! So what was he going to do, to convince the masses he WASN'T some uncreative, lazy hack?

Simple! He was going to steal Total Drama. Nothing says 'I'M NOT LAZY' like stealing someone else's show, after all.

Sadly, he had forgotten to account for the fact that most of his contestants were completely insane. Oh well!

Notes:

i need help

Chapter 1: Imagine being original when you can host a game show lmao

Summary:

Mike The Bear prepares for what is to come.

Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. It was his name. This was something he knew to be true. But all the people hating his previous game didn't know or care who he was. Of course not. He was irrelevant to them. 

 

Mike The Bear: "Oh, those asshats, hating on my game so much. And I put so much effort into it!"

 

Cut to Mike sleeping at his desk.

 

Mike: "honk mimimimi"

 

Cut back to present time.

 

Mike: "I need something big."

 

He then hears voices.

 

Chris McLean: "I don't even know where I would get the budget to go multiversal, but for some reason, there's just been plenty of mes doing it, y'know? Sounds like a fun time. A fun idea. Ah, if only we could do that. Total Drama Multiversal, huh? That would be great."

 

Chef Hatchet: "Why are you bringing th... you smell that?"

 

Chris McLean: "Smell what?"

 

Chef Hatchet: "There's a-"

 

Chef Hatchet then feels something in his neck. A tranquilizer dart. Two more are shot at him before he actually falls. Mike walks out. Oddly enough, Chris doesn't seem scared.

 

Chris McLean: "Bear in a jacket? That's, uh, don't see that every day."

 

Mike: "Shut up, Mr... you."

 

...

 

Chris McLean: "So who are you exa-"

 

Chris is cut off by the tranquilizer dart in his chest. He looks down at it, and then falls down with it. 

 

Mike: "So, Total Drama, ey? Well, there's one way to prove I'm not an uncreative hack. And make a bucketload of cash. That's, that's a pretty good benefit."

 

Mike rubbed his greedy little paws- never mind, somehow, they were hands. And he rubbed them together with glee.

 

-----

 

Mike: "Howdy, folks. It's the host you know and... know."

 

Chris McLean: "Horrible opening, boooo, you stink."

 

Mike: "Shut up. Anyway, it's time for Total Drama but now there's a multiverse! Wooo!"

 

Chris McLean: "Overdone, get original concepts."

 

Mike: "YOU'RE AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT!"

 

Chris McLean: "Why, thank you!"

 

Mike: "Anyway, we have a cast, but we only have half. I've been told that 40 is good, and even with the old host here, I've only got 20. So I need more. So please audition, folks, and get ready for Total. Drama."

 

Chris McLean: "Hellstorm!"

 

Mike: "...I am going to enjoy subjecting you to torture."

 

Chris McLean: "Whatever you say, dude."

 

----

 

WILLING VIC- CONTESTANTS (so far):

 

1. Evil Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus)
2. Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill)
3. Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
4. Metal Mario (Super Mario)
5. Chris McLean (Total Drama)
6. Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
7. Mio Naganohara (Nichijou)
8. The Grinch (The Grinch)
9. Frank Reynolds (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia)
10. Regina George (Mean Girls)
11. Momoko Koigabuko (Ghost Stories)
12. Urban Champion (Urban Champion)
13. Scripulous Fingore (Super Mario?)
14. ZERO (Kirby Of The Stars)
15. Ao Oni (Ao Oni)
16. Firefox (Browser)
17. Mira (Toilet In Wonderland)
18. O’Brien (1984)
19. Turnip Boy (Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion)
20. Mustache Girl (A Hat In Time) 
21. - 40 is your choice! Just submit in the comments below. Ends when you see the 'next chapter' button.

Notes:

yep, just go on the comments and submit, damn you!

i do HAVE a fanfiction.net account, but i probably won't crosspost to there as well. i'm an ao3 purist. (that being said ff.net is pretty good and anything's better than wattpad)

oh and here's the obligatory cecu discord server ad for more competition fics, even ones (mostly ones) that AREN'T total drama!
https://discord.gg/k45TTCDW

Chapter 2: woag it's a cast

Summary:

The cast is revealed prematurely.

We open with Mike the Bear and Chris McLean, the latter handing a bunch of papers to the former.

 

Mike: "Excellent, we have everything we need now."

 

Chris McLean: "Yep, that sure is a signed contract."

 

A lawyer Mike kidnapped seals the contract.

 

Lawyer: "Can I go home now? You bringing me here is illegal."

 

Mike: "No, that costs money. Now, to reveal the wider cast."

 

Chris McLean: "Wh-NOW? Bit premature, don't you think?"

 

Mike: "No one's going to check out a crossover thing without knowing what's in it. This way, I can generate hype and pocket more mo- I mean, get a higher budget to make this show the best it can be. Yeah."

 

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, you have no idea how to present, do you? Then again, you also can't advertize without lying. '30 great games', huh? Not a good sign when there's more than 30 and none of them are great."

 

Mike: "Shut up, you... you dumb looking guy."

 

Chris has a sadistic glint in his eye.

 

Chris McLean: "Oh, I'm really going to enjoy screwing you over."

 

Mike: "Now for the cast. See you all first episode. Bye."

 

Chris McLean: "Yep, you sealed that contract live on TV, alright. This'll be fun."

 

Mike: "The f*ck you talking about?"

 

 

FULL CAST: 
1. Evil Pomni (The Amazing Digital Circus)
2. Gogo Yubari (Kill Bill)
3. Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
4. Metal Mario (Super Smash Bros 64)
5. Chris McLean (Total Drama)
6. Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
7. Mio Naganohara (Nichijou)
8. The Grinch (The Grinch)
9. Frank Reynolds (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia)
10. Regina George (Mean Girls)
11. Momoko Koigabuko (Gakkou no Kaiden/Ghost Stories)
12. Urban Champion (Urban Champion)
13. Scripulous Fingore (Super Mario World?)
14. ZERO (Kirby)
15. Ao Oni (Ao Oni)
16. Firefox (Browser)
17. Mira (Toilet In Wonderland)
18. O’Brien (1984)
19. Turnip Boy (Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion)
20. Mustache Girl (A Hat In Time)
21. That guy who tried to steal my computer while I was driving to work (Anon) 
22. Madeline and Badeline (Celeste) (Madeline submitted by NootNoot64, Badeline submitted by June/Lilac ig)
23. 2 fish (Submitted by Upsilon) 
24. ERAM (Deltarune) (Submitted by NeverShrek1ForSomeReason) 
25. Tiff (Kirby: Right Back At Ya!) (Submitted by MeeMeeHeart777) 
26. youareanidiot.org (Submitted by June/Lilac ig) 
27. John Kimble (Kindergarten Cop) (Submitted by AluInt) 
28. Ochako Uraraka (My Hero Academia)(Submitted by Thenewsubwayguy and SugarySpire) 
29. Morshu (Zelda CDI) (Submitted by JuiceCactus) 
30. Mimi Sentry (Team Fortress 2 Fanon) (Submitted by NootNoot64) 
31. Gex The Gecko (Gex) (Submitted by G-man 2.0) 
32. Rika Kawai (Wonder Egg Priority) (Submitted by humanoid_beam) 
33. Lain Iwakura (Serial Experiments Lain) (Submitted by SirBob) 
34. Jerry Attricks (Scott the Woz) (Submitted by Goodguygary) 
35. Phineas Flynn (Phineas and Ferb) (Submitted by G-man 2.0) 
36. Goose (Untitled Goose Game) (Submitted by AluInt) 
37. Painter Boss (Castle Crashers) (Submitted by June/Lilac ig) 
38. River City Girls (Submitted by IDKWhatToDoHere) 
39. The Coachman (Pinocchio) (Submitted by Thenewsubwayguy)
40. EVIL Teto (UTAU) (Submitted by June/Lilac ig)

Chapter 3: Season's Greetings

Summary:

Enough stalling. It's time to meet the cast.

Chris McLean from hit show Total Drama wakes up in a damp room.

 

Chris McLean: "Ugggh, where the heck... oh, yeah, the bear who stole my show said we'd be taking the boat. Guess this is the boat."

 

Rotting wood floors and walls, no windows, and but one extra person for company, dressed in a yellow and red jester outfit.

 

Jester girl: "The f^(& am I doing here?..."

 

Chris turns to the camera.

 

Chris McLean: "Welcome, viewers, to Total Drama Hellstorm! I'm not your host this time, but a contestant. I am, however, still Chris McLean. And just a warning for Mikey out there. You're gonna regret stealing my show. Oh, signing that contract was a mistake, pal. But hey, while we're here, looks like we're going to wherever the new location is. Given the weird jester next to me from that one Youtube show, I think we can assume that this is a multiversal season. Luckily for me, I'm not gonna have to deal with all that now."

 

Jester girl: "Can you SHUT THE F#(@ UP?!"

 

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, sorry."

 

Jester girl: "You will be, @$$#@!."

 

Chris McLean: "Hey, gotta let the audience know what's going on. What else can we do here? Anyway, you get kidnapped?"

 

The jester girl stares at him.

 

Jester girl: "No?! I signed up, dumb@$$. I want to win money. Why the f#(& would I be kidnapped?"

 

Chris McLean: "Hey, you can never be too sure with these things."

 

Jester girl: "God d@#£ it, I'm stuck in here with a f#(&!%? idiot."

 

Chris McLean: "Sounds rough, buddy."

 

Jester girl: "Talk again and I'll shove your @$$ into a meat grinder."

 

Chris frantically looks around.

 

Chris McLean: "Dang, no meat grinder in sight. That sucks, I was looking forward to trying something new."

 

Before the jester girl can make another threat, a door opens.

 

Mike the Bear: "Hello, Christopher, and... how did the other person get in here?"

 

Jester girl: "I felt like it."

 

Mike: "How does that- irrelevant. Both you contestants, Chris McLean and Evil Pomni-"

 

Chris bursts out into laughter as the now named jester girl, Evil Pomni, glares at him.

 

Evil Pomni: "THE F#(& IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

 

Chris wipes a tear from his eye.

 

Chris McLean: "Sorry, just... wow, you must hate your parents for naming you that. Even worse if you chose it yourself!"

 

Evil Pomni: "Obviously I didn't choose it, you f#(&!%? r£#@¬*!"

 

Mike: "WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! You can't just swear on live TV, especially not words like that, even if they're censored!"

 

Evil Pomni: "Go f#(& yourself."

 

Mike: "OK, just, just come with me, please, to the deck, and we'll get off this boat and I'll take you to where we'll be staying. OK? Does that work?"

 

Chris McLean: "Sure, that works."

 

Evil Pomni: "Whatever."

 

The two follow the bear onto the deck and arrive onto a beach. A beach belonging to a city. 

 

Mike: "See this city? These are the grounds! Welcome to your new battlegrounds!"

 

A moment of silence.

 

Evil Pomni: "This is f#(&!%? Birmingham."

 

Mike: "Yes, but we have where you'll be sleeping sorted out as well!"

 

He gestures behind him to humanity's greatest creation.

 

Evil Pomni: "That's a f#(&!%? bus! What kind of show are you running here? I didn't sign up for this s/|#!"

 

Chris McLean: "Guessing you didn't read the contract."

 

Mike: "Truth be told, we were meant to get the other Pomni on. Not sure how we ended up like this. BRAD!"

 

A man runs up next to Mike.

 

Brad: "Hello. It's me, Brad. I'm the only intern this guy has."

 

Mike: "You're fired."

 

Brad: "Now down to 0."

 

Brad runs off.

 

Mike: "...that was probably a mistake. Oh, well. We'll be taking the bus you hate so much to the station, by the way. That's where things will go down."

 

Chris McLean: "So when do I get the memory foam mattress?"

 

Mike: "The what?"

 

Chris McLean: "You should've read that contract, buddy."

 

Mike: "Just... just get in the bus."

 

The two get in the bus, one more reluctant than the other. Mike gets into the driver seat, starts the engine, and starts moving.

 

Mike: "I meant it, by the way. Please don't swear on live TV. Even if you have your own censors for some reason."

 

In response, Evil Pomni flips the bird with both hands while giving Mike a sharklike grin.

 

Mike: "I see this is going to be difficult. But there's a lot of money in it... oh, yeah, should get rid of that boat."

 

Mike presses a button.

 

Chris McLean: "What'd that do?"

 

Mike: "Nothing I'm legally involved with."

 

Evil Pomni: "The f#(& does that mean?"

 

Mike: "IT MEANS NOTHING. The camera was switched off after we left that boat, anyway. All this is bus footage."

 

Evil Pomni: "F#(&!%? weirdo."

 

Chris McLean: "Probably a good thing you're censored, otherwise I think you'd genuinely kill swearing altogether. I don't swear anyway, and wow, you're making a good case not to."

 

Mike: "Also the fact that you really shouldn't swear, kids watch Total Drama."

 

Evil Pomni: "Oh, cool! Hey, kids, ask your parents what S E X is!"

 

Mike: "NO! DON'T DO THAT!"

 

Mike swerves in shock and nearly hits a car, just managing to avoid it.

 

Mike: "Oh, Christ, I'm so glad we're nearly at the station."

 

They finally arrive at the station, Mike looking as if he has aged 15 years.

 

Mike: "I'm really wishing it wasn't you who got in. Actually, Brad was the one who accepted all these applications. Oh, dear, I feel as if I've made a mistake."

 

Chris McLean: "Why didn't you check any of the auditions? Pretty easy task, dude."

 

Mike: "I was..."

 

Cut to Mike watching Mario Kart Wii Wifi Music.

 

Mike: "Doing important host things."

 

Chris McLean: "Whatever you say, buddy."

 

They arrive at the station, which is notably empty.

 

Chris McLean: "Not many people here, huh?"

 

Mike: "Don't know why."

 

Chris McLean: "Wait, you didn't rent it out or something? But you have all my money now!"

 

Mike: "Yes. And I want to keep that money."

 

Chris McLean: "Wow, a cheapskate hosting Total Drama. This will be swell."

 

Mike: "DON'T BE SARCASTIC WITH ME!"

 

Breaking up the argument is the arrival of the first train.

 

Mike: "Ah, excellent! We should be getting the next two people now. Give it up for..."

 

A smug man with glasses and a white shirt walks out, along with a brown haired chubby girl wearing a school uniform.

 

Mike: "Uh, that one guy who tried to steal my computer while I was driving to work, otherwise known as... BRAD 2?!"

 

Brad 2: "You fired my brother. I get it, would've fired him too. No biggie."

 

Mike: "Gulp."

 

Evil Pomni: "Who the f#(& says 'gulp'? We need to bully this guy more."

 

Brown haired girl: "No, let's not do that?"

 

Mike: "Oh, yeah, also Ochako Ughrakara."

 

Ochako cringes.

 

Ochako: "It's, um, it's 'Uraraka'..."

 

Mike: "Nah, I ain't saying that."

 

Ochako: "Why not?? It's not that hard!"

 

Mike: "I don't want to."

 

Ochako: "...but what did I do to you?"

 

Chris McLean: "Wow, your ratings are gonna drop."

 

Mike: "There's more money to be made from people hatewatching."

 

Brad 2: "You're quite the bad one, aren't you, Mr The Bear?"

 

Mike visibly cringes.

 

Mike: "Please just call me Mike. Or Host. Or Sir. Or God. Yeah, call me God."

 

Brad 2: "So, Mr The Bear, how many people will we be expecting?"

 

Mike: "I just told you to- it's 40 in total! Long runtime means more money."

 

Brad 2: "Oh, cool. Hey, nice microphone."

 

Brad 2 rushes towards Mike and tries to tear the microphone out of his grasp. Mike shrieks and runs a bit further away from Brad 2. Brad 2 recovers his composure.

 

Brad 2: "Apologies, I have a bit of a case of kleptomania. Pretty unfortunate, I know."

 

Mike: "DON'T TRY TO STEAL FROM ME AGAIN!"

 

Chris McLean: "Jeez, it's not that serious."

 

Evil Pomni: "Grown @$$ bear getting protective over a microphone."

 

Mike: "Please tell me that next train is bringing the next contestants so I don't have to deal with this."

 

Luckily for him, his wish is granted as another train stops by, again with two contestants on it. This consists of a grubby old man wearing glasses, and a grinning, grey skinned redheaded girl with a cannon in place of her right arm.

 

Mike: "Please give a welcome to Frank Reynolds and Mimi Sentry."

 

Ochako: "A warm one?"

 

Mike: "If you want."

 

Frank Reynolds and Mimi Sentry step off the train. Frank looks around at the bear, the cartoon harlequinn, and the killing machine next to him.

 

Frank: "The hell did I take?"

 

Mimi Sentry looks around, mouth closed, before staring at Mike. Mike, naturally, gets nervous.

 

Mike: "Erm, you know, your, fellow contestants are right there. I thought we were meant to be getting a successful businessman and some engineer."

 

Frank: "Wait, that was what that invite thing was for? The thing in crayon?"

 

Ochako: "Your invitation wasn't delivered in a fancy flyer?"

 

Mike: "Do you think I'm made of money?"

 

Chris McLean: "I mean, you should have all my resources, and I have a lot of resources."

 

Frank: "Nah, why spend money? Just get some guys from the homeless shelter to do it for ya! They're not gonna complain to anyone, they just wanna get a house! Works every time."

 

Ochako: "Why would you DO that? Those people need help and you'd just exploit them?!"

 

Frank: "No, of course I would never stoop that low!"

 

Ochako sighs in relief.

 

Frank: "Nah, just kidding, screw 'em."

 

Ochako balls her fists in anger.

 

Evil Pomni: "I like this guy."

 

Frank: "Yeah, I bet ya like me, why don't I show you another reason to like me, if you get what I'm saying, heh heh."

 

Mimi Sentry stares at Frank, slightly confused.

 

Frank: "What? I'm on live TV, can't cut the crap until 5 episodes in, gotta be smarter with my words."

 

Mimi Sentry looks enlightened. 

 

Mike: "Again about the swea- OK, come on, surely the next train will be better."

 

The next train arrives, bringing a well dressed gecko with sunglasses and a silver haired girl in school uniform with a white bow.

 

Gecko: "Woah, this is looking wilder than Seth McFarlane's house."

 

Mike: "So that's Gex... but at least we have one Momoko K- I'm not even gonna try and pronounce that last name. You seem normal, at least."

 

Momoko Koigakubo: "I'm glad! I spent a while teaching the sinful how to be normal in the conversion camp I worked in, so it's good to know that they followed by example."

 

Momoko closes her eyes and gives a sweet smile.

 

Momoko: "Remember, God loves you, unless you're a filthy Jew!"

 

Mike: "OH, COME ON! Hey, Brad 2, get your brother back so I can ask him what he was thinking inviting a CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST in!"

 

Gex: "Ah, but how else can we feel as Christian Slater does?"

 

Chris McLean: "Wow, here I thought the Ghost Stories rep would've been the first to bring him up."

 

Momoko: "Thou shalt not speak ill of the dead, even if it's Christian Slater's career."

 

Mike: "Just... bring in the next people."

 

No train arrives.

 

Mike: "I'm going to rehire Brad just to fire him again."

 

Brad 2: "That's not very nice."

 

Mike: "Shut up. I'm already starting to regret this."

 

Mike claps his hands together.

 

Mike: "Alright! So your first job as contestants is to find whoever's running this station and-"

 

Mike is interrupted by the sound of a train horn right behind him. He jumps into Chris's arms. Chris gives him a malicious smile as he drops him right to the floor, the bear crying out in pain as a mustahced man in a jacket and a blond girl with a pink streak step off the train.

 

Eventually, Mike gets up and dusts himself off, glaring daggers at Chris. If looks could kill, then the man in the jacket would already be dead.

 

Brad 2: "Well, well, well. Jerry Attricks. My arch nemesis."

 

Jerry Attricks: "So, tell me where that all began."

 

Brad 2 crosses his arms and gives a disappointed look to the so called 'therapist'.

 

Brad 2: "In the summer of-"

 

He is interrupted, however, by the blond girl.

 

Blond girl: "This is the new show, right? I've seen weirder, so, hey, everyone! I'm Rika Kawai, like kawaii, cuz' I'm a cutie!"

 

She sticks her tongue out cutely.

 

Momoko: "The Lord values modesty."

 

Frank: "You call that cute? No one cares about cute! Men want whores! To bang!"

 

Brad 2: "Oh, Jerry, Jerald, Jeremy. You have just met your maker. But I will conduct my business in a fair manner."

 

A man who looks like Brad Pitt calls out from the other platform.

 

Brad Pitt: "Nah, don't do that, beat the shit outta him."

 

Mike: "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SWEARING?! FU- DGE!"

 

Evil Pomni: "You said some s#!^, no one gave a s%|{, and we're gonna keep saying s~!(. Duh. Idiot."

 

Mike pinches the bridge of his nose with his hands, muttering to himself.

 

Mike: "And the other contestants were on the other platform for god knows what reason and god knows how, and, this day is just-"

 

Mike gets progressively louder, tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Mike: "Look, this show is just, I very much need this, and I need views, and I need alright ratings at least, and you're just... you're all making this very hard for me!"

 

Green man: "Good! SUFFER! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

The blue haired girl next to him jumps back in shock.

 

Blue haired girl: "ISTHATTHEGRINCH?!"

 

The Grinch composes himself.

 

The Grinch: "Yes, I am... The Grinch. Cower in fear, worm!"

 

Rika: "Wow, this day is full of surprises."

 

Mike: "Alright, 8 people there in total. Cool. Please come over to this platform when I call your names so I can still do the equal gendered two at a time thing!"

 

Floating smiley face: "Gender? I hardly know 'er!"

 

A laugh track plays. The smiley face does a mock bow, which literally just entails tilting slightly forward.

 

Smiley face: "Thank you, thank you, you're really the best part of the show, I love you guys."

 

Mike, who already looks extremely tired, decides to move past it and just start calling names.

 

Mike: "Tyler Durden and Mio something or othAH! AH! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

 

Mike is interrupted mid speech by a softball, thrown by Evil Pomni.

 

Evil Pomni: "I'm bored as f#(& over here! When will things get good?"

 

Mike: "JUST WAIT! A BIT! We need everyone, and then to make teams, and then to find where you're sleeping, and then where I'm sleeping, and wherever will be the confessional because we gotta have the confessional for some reason, and it's so much WORK. You wanna do this? Any of you think you could do better? EXCLUDING YOU, CHRIS."

 

Gex: "Steve Harvey touched the hearts of many."

 

Evil Pomni stares at Gex, bewildered.

 

Evil Pomni: "The h£|| does that even mean?!"

 

Jerry: "Hey, you're talking to a f*cking lizard right there, show some respect."

 

Evil Pomni: "No? Why would I do that?"

 

Jerry: "My mom always said, treat lizards with respect, but ONLY if they make outdated references to celebrities!"

 

Evil Pomni spends a few moments trying to decipher that sentence.

 

Evil Pomni: "I- you- the- ugh."

 

She gave up, as shown by her lying on the floor on her stomach. In that time, Tyler Durden and Mio Naganohara have arrived at the platform.

 

Tyler Durden: "Quite the eclectic bunch, huh? Anyway, seriously, keep going! I wanna see that fight."

 

Brad 2: "No. I will strike when the time is right."

 

Jerry: "You're working with the shapes, aren't you? Oh, it's on, buddy!"

 

Mio Nagonahara: "What is going on? Who are you people?"

 

Chris glances at her, confused.

 

Chris McLean: "You don't know who I am? And somehow still signed up for Total Drama?"

 

Mio: "For WHAT?!"

 

Mio falls to the ground in despair.

 

Mio: "I thought I was entering a manga drawing contest! Dammit!"

 

Chris McLean: "Yeesh, this is not going to be your time."

 

Mio: "WHERE EVEN AM I?!"

 

Brad 2: "The city of Birmingham in Great Britian."

 

Mio: "WAIT, ENGLAND?! HOW?! I CAN'T EVEN... wait, am I speaking English now? This isn't Japanese! What?"

 

Triangle headed boy: "OK, I did bring the automatic translator with me."

 

A Japanese girl next to him stares at him.

 

Japanese girl: "That should only affect you! I can understand this language, but I hate speaking it!"

 

Triangle headed boy: "Sorry, but a translator field's gotta do what a translator field's gotta do."

 

Japanese girl: "What if I hang your skin on a wall? Would you turn it off then?"

 

The triangle headed boy steps away from the Japanese girl, with her black hair and her own, black school uniform.

 

Triangle headed boy: "I, don't think, that would change things."

 

Japanese girl: "Every moment is a learning experience. And I'm going to teach you a lot."

 

Mike: "OK, OK, NO MURDERS! Next to come is The Grinch and Tiff."

 

The furry green man, and a small banana coloured girl, both make their way to the other side of the station.

 

The Grinch: "IT'S ME! The Grinch! Here to make sure you have a rotten day!"

 

Tiff: "You better not get any funny ideas!"

 

Everyone stares at her.

 

Tyler: "All due respect, but what exactly are you going to do here if someone gets a 'funny idea'?"

 

Tiff looks down at her shoes, face going red with embarassment.

 

Tiff: "I have... some, skills!"

 

The Grinch: "'Oh I hAvE sOmE skIlls' AND MY HEART IS SO SMALL THAT A RAT COULD EAT IT!"

 

A few people stare at him, confused.

 

Brad 2: "That can't be sustainable."

 

Mike: "OK, look, I'm confused, but I'm moving on because otherwise-"

 

Mio: "How does that even-"

 

Mike: "NOPE! NOPE! NO GETTING SIDETRACKED! youareanidiot.org and the Shadow Mantle, get over here."

 

The smiley face and a black tree stump like creature with an orange mouth float over.

 

youareanidiot.org: "Hey, spell ICUP!"

 

Evil Pomni: "Are you f#(&!%9 12?!"

 

youareanidiot.org: "Awww, I wanted to do my song. Anyway, call me Offiz! Offiz.TroJS! Pronounced 'off-ease'."

 

Tiff: "Why'd you tell us how it was pronounced? You just said your name!"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "idk lol"

 

Shadow Mantle: "Oh, we're adopting different monikers? Then call me ERAM. Shadow Mantle is just... so tacky."

 

Momoko: "What ungodly creature are you?"

 

A spine chilling laugh from the Shadow Mantle.

 

ERAM: "It's surprising! Didn't think you humans would still believe in God!"

 

Momoko gives the monster a small smile.

 

Momoko: "God loves us all, so it's only right we live as he wanted, not that a filthy sinful beast like you would get it. Sadly, I'm way too used to all these ghosts, and yet, without Satsuki's book, I can't exorcise you as you deserve."

 

ERAM: "How despairful."

 

Mike: "Nope, stop, save the sniping for after we've gotten past the introduction. Now, the last two to come over, one Phineas Flynn and one Gogo Yubari."

 

A helicopter blade extends from Phineas's back and carries him over, as he smiles with half lidded eyes. On the other hand, Gogo elects to vault over an incoming train, with two more contestants departing off of it.

 

Mike: "Jeez, you didn't need to show off. Also, seriously, I should've checked these train schedules."

 

Evil Pomni: "D@/>, if all trains were this fast, maybe people'd use them."

 

Mike: "Yep, we got 'em specially for this."

 

Chris McLean: "You used my wealth for trains and not the island?"

 

Mike: "I didn't GET your wealth. I had to take a loan to do even that much, so I'm REALLY hoping this makes some money or I'm f- screwed."

 

A chorus of oh's rings out from the current cast.

 

Phineas: "Anyway, hi! I'm Phineas, and while this looks both easier and harder than I thought, I'm gonna... woah, what is that?"

 

He moves towards Mimi Sentry, who stares at the boy with interest.

 

Phineas: "Yeah, I'd like to meet the guy who invented this. Wait, but first, can you speak?"

 

She shakes her head.

 

Phineas: "Yeah, we can change that up and get you talking in no time!"

 

Frog headed floating thing: bro hurry up

 

People then stare at one of the two newer entries, including the blond girl next to it.

 

Frog headed floating thing: is it because i don't have speech marks

 

Mike: "What are you talking about? You know what, we'll... wait, who are you? I don't have you on the list."

 

Scripulous Fingore: I am Scripulous Fingore and I replaced Fandub Shadow El Em Ay Oh

 

Mike: "But... why?"

 

Fingore: Because I Can

 

Offiz.TroJS: "I think I'm gonna like this guy!"

 

Mike: "Oh... kay... well, we also have Gogo Yubari and Regina George."

 

Gogo: "I still wish to speak Japanese only and not this filthy tongue."

 

Fingore: author's too much of a lazy fuck for that

 

Regina George: "Author? Sorry, but I, like, don't get what you're talking about."

 

Rika: "No, me neither, that's weird."

 

a slightly regretful Fingore: ok actually i'll cool it with the meta jokes so i can be a multi faceted character

 

Momoko: "The only 'meta' is that of our lord Jesus!"

 

Fingore: girl look at your source material you cannot be serious rn

 

Regina: "This is confusing me."

 

Mio: "Yeah, me too!"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Because YOU ARE AN IDIOT HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

 

Mio: "I ARE NOT AN IDIOT!"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "No further questions, your honour."

 

Gogo: "Anyway. Gogo Yubari. Konichiwa. So if I concentrate, I can speak in Japanese..."

 

Phineas: "Yeah, sorry, just wanted to test this out and avoid a language barrier."

 

Regina: "I'm Regina George. Where I'm from, I'm a massive deal, but it looks like everyone else here is... I hope we all have a good time together!"

 

Evil Pomni: "F#(& you too, $%|7head."

 

Rika: "Hi, besties!"

 

Gogo: "Who are you?"

 

Rika: "Rika Kawai, like kawaii, 'cuz I'm a cutie!"

 

She sticks her tongue out playfully.

 

Brad 2: "Do you introduce yourself like that to everyone?"

 

Gogo: "You are quite kawaii. I want to cut off your face and mount it on a wall to preserve the cuteness."

 

Rika's smile is replaced by a disturbed look.

 

Rika: "The fuck is wrong with you?! What?"

 

Mike: "LANG- oh, I give up. Just... the next people."

 

Fingore: okie dokie

 

Mike: "NO. The people on the trains."

 

An announcement plays.

 

Intercom: "Due to railway strikes, all coming trains have been canceled."

 

Mike falls to his knees and punches the ground in despair.

 

Mike: "GOD-SH DARN IT! GOSH DARN IT TO HECK!"

 

A moment of silence.

 

Fingore: You know, there's 20 people here. That's probably enough for a show.

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Nope! Let's go 40!"

 

Mike: "No, actually, we don't need the rest of these sheets, we're..."

 

He sees a fox on fire that has come up to him.

 

Firefox: "Hello! I'm your friendly browser Firefox, here to help! You need a contestant? I'm right here!"

 

Mike: "But if I let you in, I HAVE to find 19 other people! I don't wanna do that!"

 

Firefox: "Awww..."

 

Firefox deflates.

 

Firefox: "No, OK, I get it. I wouldn't use me over Chrome either..."

 

Now saddened, Firefox's tail droops as they start walking away.

 

Mike: "Yeah, I'm not bringing it back."

 

Chris McLean: "Suit yourself, if you want to look heartless on live TV. But you don't really have the charisma to pull that off, so..."

 

Mike: "...DAMMIT, I'M TRAPPED BY SOCIETAL CONVENTION."

 

Mike runs up to Firefox.

 

Mike: "FINE! You can be in this stupid show. 19 people it is, yay. God, I am cracking open a cold one as soon as we find those people."

 

Jerry: "I'm already on my seventh."

 

Frank: "Huh? 7 beers?"

 

Jerry: "I think they were beers."

 

Frank: "You gotta- you gotta come to Paddy's Pub, Philadelphia! Everyone watching this, go to Paddy's Pub! Especially the kids! But only while I'm there! I wanna be part of the underage drinking thing!"

 

Gex: "Shameless self promotion? What is this, a CECU voting reason?"

 

Fingore: what's a cecu

 

Mike: "Enough with the weird meta jokes no one gets, just go find me some contestants!"

 

Fingore: here's one

 

A big headed purple creature climbs out of the ground and starts walking towards a terrified Mike, ominous violin music playing.

 

Mike: "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!"

 

Fingore: Ao Oni

 

Ao Oni inches closer.

 

Mike: "WHY WOULD YOU BRING THIS?!"

 

The creature reaches Mike, who prepares to bolt it.

 

It then extends a hand out, holding a contract.

 

Mike: "..."

 

His fear has been replaced with a deadpan expression.

 

Mike: "Of course you want to join, why wouldn't you want to join, just let the scary monster thing in, DAMMIT."

 

Mike signs the contract.

 

Mike: "Please welcome Ao Oni. Yay."

 

Ao Oni nods towards the other contestants.

 

A moment of silence.

 

Ochako: "So we just have to find other people? That won't be a problem! You can count on us, Mike, sir!"

 

She flashes a heroic smile and a thumbs up, one eye closed. In return, she recieves the look of a man who's dead inside.

 

Mike: "I'm going to regret this, I can just tell. Alright, people, it's time to go."

 

The contestants move out, a few grumbling about 'doing the host's job', while Mike looks over a few more papers.

 

Mike: "Well, there's one contestant who hadn't showed up. Who's 'Zero'?"

 

The sky then turns blood red. Stormy clouds gather into a spiral formation. From above, a gargantuan eyeball descends, staring right into the bear's soul. No mercy. No compassion. Nothing but pure rage and despair radiating off the all seeing, all knowing, all conquering eye.

 

ZERO: "GREETINGS."

 

Mike: "...WHAT THE FU-"

 

-----

 

We cut to Tyler Durden, who is without anyone else.

 

Being flesh and blood is surreal, the soapmaker thinks to himself. At any time, anyone could come and just... stab you. Shoot you. And flesh is so weak that it has a pretty good chance of killing you. Definitely gonna have to watch out now that I'm no longer just a figment of someone's imagination. But it also means nothing holds me back anymore. It also means I'm completely free. And yet. I still have something to do. So, let's find some lonely hearts on a Friday night. 

 

He walks up to a blue haired man in a cyan coloured T-shirt and green cargo trousers fighting a random man on the streets.

 

Well. That works out pretty well. At least, for another contestant. I can get everything else in place later.

 

Tyler walks up to the man.

 

Tyler: "Howdy, partner."

 

The man turns to him, and gets a right hook to the head in return. Tyler watches as the man falls to the ground and is promptly beat into near unconsciousness by the other man he was fighting.

 

The street fighter raises his hands in victory while the blue haired man groans in agony.

 

Street fighter: "Disrepect my mum again, yeah, and you're dead bruv."

 

The street fighter walks away, with chants of 'RICARDO! RICARDO!' from the people around him. Tyler stays where the blue haired man is and watches him get up. Naturally, the blue haired man glares at Tyler.

 

Blue haired man: "You fucked me over! What the hell, man, you just went and completely fucked me over! You wanna go, huh? HUH?!"

 

Tyler: "Maybe later. Right now, I'm about to give you a deal you can't refuse."

 

The blue haired man looks skeptical.

 

Blue haired man: "Yeah, yeah, look, man, unless it's smack, get outta here, ya bastard man."

 

Tyler: "Nope. No drugs here. But I got a place in a competition for you."

 

The blue haired man looks interested.

 

Blue haired man: "Alright, yeah, now you got my interest."

 

Tyler: "That's good. I'm Tyler Durden, by the way."

 

Blue haired man: "Carl Danvers, the Urban Champion. Who had a 6 fight win streak until you ruined it, so you better not be fucking with me or I'll cave your cocking skull in."

 

Tyler: "I'm not even running the show, I'm just being asked to recruit for it. I can tell you, I'm not pulling your leg here, this is a bona fide deal. Trust me."

 

Carl ponders for a bit.

 

Carl: "Alright. I'll deal with that dumbass 'Ricardo' or whoever that guy was later."

 

Tyler: "Then it's a deal. Just head on over to the train station."

 

Carl: "Train to wherever the thing's being held?"

 

Tyler: "Something like that, yeah."

 

Carl: "Alright! I'll probably see you there, then."

 

A now cheerful Carl walks on. Tyler smiles to himself.

 

Oh, we'll meet again, alright.

 

-----

 

Ochako: "Hello! I'm-"

 

Random passerby: "CSM clears."

 

The random passerby walks off while Ochako falls into despair.

 

Ochako: "Everyone I've asked has said no. Is there something I'm doing wrong? I mean, I guess less people means more chance at getting the prize money, hehe."

 

Rika: "Nah, your problem is you're asking a bunch of peeps who just don't care. Like, look, the rando on the street you stop ain't gonna give two shits about talking to you. So you gotta find like minded people, if that makes sense! Here, let me show you how it's done."

 

Rika grabs the backpack of a passing ravenette girl, also stopping the redheaded friend with the blue jacket by her side.

 

Rika: "Hey, new besties! I'm Rika Kawai, like kawaii, cuz' I'm a cutie, and I'm about to blow your minds."

 

Redhead: "Woaahh. That's awesome! I wanna get my mind blown!"

 

Her friend tugs her backpack out of Rika's grip and assumes a combative stance.

 

Ravenette: "Hey, what did you do that for? You want me to beat you into next week?"

 

Rika isn't fazed, but does assume a friendly smile.

 

Rika: "Nope! I'm here to offer you money! Like, a ton of money. Like, holy shit it's a lot of cash. That's right, you're being recruited for Total Drama Hellstorm!"

 

With both fingers, she turns and points to a camera as she says that, before turning to the two.

 

Rika: "So? Wanna stab some bitches in the back and get filthy rich?"

 

The two are clearly interested.

 

Redhead: "I like competitions! And money! Both those things are totes good!"

 

Ravenette: "Yep, we're in, alright! I'm Misako and that's Kyoko. So, where do we go?"

 

Rika: "We're recruiting first, silly!"

 

Kyoko: "Oh, we can totally do that! Come on, Misako!"

 

They immediately stop a brown haired girl in her tracks.

 

Kyoko: "Hey, you seem cool! You wanna be part of this... what were we doing again?"

 

Ochako and Rika look surprised.

 

Ochako: "How do you forget things that fast?"

 

Misako: "It's the competition, Kyoko, you idiot!"

 

A look of revelation replaces the confused look on Kyoko's face.

 

Kyoko: "Ohhhhh! Yeah, we're doing a competition thing! You wanna join? You get money and probably friends and, uh, um, probably some other cool things!"

 

Brown haired: "Who are you?"

 

Kyoko: "I'm Kyoko! That's Misako! And those other two are called Rika, kinda like Riki, and then."

 

She pauses.

 

Kyoko: "What was the other girl's name again?"

 

Ochako: "I'm Ochako Uraraka!"

 

Rika: "What's your name, person we stopped randomly?"

 

Brown haired: "I'm Lain."

 

Kyoko: "Congrats! You're in that, what was it again?"

 

Misako: "You're in Total Drama now! And so's that blue haired girl over there!"

 

She gestures to a blue haired girl in a school uniform passing them.

 

Kyoko: "Yeah, you! You seem cool, so you're with us for that Total Drama thing!"

 

Ochako: "You can't ju-"

 

Blue hair: "OK."

 

Ochako: "-st get rando- wait, you're in?"

 

The blue haired girl nods.

 

Misako: "Sweet. What's your name, anyway?"

 

Blue hair: "Rei."

 

Kyoko: "Awesome name! Almost as good as mine, but not really because mine's a pretty cool name."

 

Rika: "I think that's enough, soooo let's go, team! The others probably haven't done nearly as stunningly as us."

 

-----

 

Mio is finding out that Rika was right, given that the only one willing to potentially take her up on her offer...

 

...is a lovely white goose who stole the contract she was meant to hand out.

 

Mio: "Come on, give that back! You're a goose, you can't compete!"

 

The goose honks at the fujoshi, who grows enraged.

 

Mio: "I'LL BURY YOU IN THE GROUND IF YOU DON'T-"

 

Orange haired girl: "Is that anime?"

 

Mio stops in her tracks, as does the goose, and the two stare at the girl.

 

Orange haired girl: "Hi. I'm Mira. I was just recruited by this Christian girl. She tried to convert me, but I got the Total Drama contract. It was alright. As most things are. Truly, never a 'good' or 'bad' in this world anymore, only mediocrity and alrightness. Is this what we settle for under THE SYSTEM? Just 'alright' is a good thing? But then, the alright becomes the good, doesn't it? Sorry, sorry, this is all psuedo philosophical jargon because I'm not sleep deprived enough to get introspective. Hi."

 

Mio tries to decipher what she was saying but gives up.

 

Mio: "Yeah, hi, can you help me get that contra-"

 

She sees that somehow, the goose has signed the contract. With the name 'HONK', but you take what you can get. Mio falls to her knees in rage.

 

Mio: "WHYYYYYYY?!!"

 

Mira: "I gotta get tirerder. You got any sleeping pills? I want some that I can fight against so my dreams get quirkier."

 

Mio: "Let's just go to the place."

 

Mira: "The Place? A simple name, but then, a simple name can be deceptive. Is it like that? Will I go there expecting a train station and be met with the cruel eye of fate, staring right at me with its hateful gaze? Will I even still exist? Or will I be just another NPC among several, equally uninteresting people? I probably won't be able to go far, but I wonder, what could I do? What power would I have? Am I completely powerless even now? Does it even matter?

 

Mio: "...uhhh, yeah, it matters, you gotta- yeah. Let's go."

 

The two girls and the goose start making their way to Birmingham Railway Station.

 

------

 

Evil Pomni: "..."

 

Frank: "..."

 

Chris McLean: "..."

 

The three stare at a metallic plumber.

 

Metallic plumber: "I'm Metal Mario! Hoowa!"

 

Evil Pomni: "THIS IS F#(&!%9 BIRMINGHAM, HOW THE H£|! ARE YOU HERE?!"

 

Metal Mario: "I just kinda ended up-e here."

 

Chris McLean: "Well, Metal Mario, do we have a deal for-"

 

Frank: "WAIT! HOLD ON! EMERGENCY!"

 

The three look to him, only Metal Mario concerned.

 

Metal Mario: "Oh, dear! What is the-e problem-e?"

 

Frank runs into a store, and comes out with a packet of dog food.

 

Frank: "I'm hungry."

 

Chris McLean: "...dude, that's dog food."

 

Frank: "Yeah, I know it's food. That's why, I'm eating it."

 

He tears into the dog food and starts munching away, disgusting Chris and Evil Pomni.

 

Chris McLean: "OK, metal guy, sign this contract, run to the train station, and we will be with you. I do not wanna spend more time with that."

 

Metal Mario: "So judgeme- what contract-e?"

 

Chris McLean holds out a contract.

 

Chris McLean: "Sign this and you might win a lot of money! One million dollars, to be exact!"

 

Metal Mario: "Oh, girl!"

 

He signs the contract.

 

Chris McLean: "You are now competing in Total Drama Hellstorm. Congratulations. Just get to the train station."

 

Metal Mario: "OH YES! I LOVE-E COMPETING!"

 

Chris McLean: "That's the spirit! Now let's go."

 

-----

 

Mike: "Wait, so you wanna be part of the show?"

 

Green jacket guy: "Correct."

 

Mike: "Why didn't you sign up before?"

 

Green jacket guy: "I did. My application was ignored."

 

Mike: "Yeah, sorry, our interns have been sucking. Anyway, what's your name?"

 

Green jacket guy: "John Kimble."

 

Mike checks the list of intended contestants.

 

Mike: "K, K, K... yep, you're here. Cool. You just gotta wait here at the train station until everyone gets back."

 

Kimble: "I'll wait."

 

-----

 

Offiz.TroJS: "And that's how I lost my job at the meat factory."

 

Regina: "Stop following me already! I've told you, I don't like you!"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "But who else will I unload all my incredible goofs and gaffs onto? For example, there was this one time that two cars-"

 

Offiz then sees and floats in front of a redhead with a blue jacket.

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Howdy doody"

 

Redhead: "Uh, hi? Is there a reason you're stopping me in the middle of the street?"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Well there, my little mountain climber, me and my"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "[BUSINESS ASSOCIATE]"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "are-"

 

Redhead: "Wait, how did you know I was a mountain climber? Didn't think I was that well known. I didn't record the climb or anything, I just went up there."

 

Regina: "Hey, I don't know who you are."

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Oh, that's just my external knowledge. I know a bunch of things! I know some terrible things. For example, I also know you're called Madeline, and there's a purple version of you living inside you (hehehehe) called, well, Part Of You, but mostly called Badeline!"

 

Badeline indeed appears in a burst of smoke.

 

Badeline: "Badeline? I've never been called that, and how did you know that?"

 

Madeline: "OK, that is just, way too much for you to know, right? That is... what even are you?"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "These questions may be answered, but only if you sign this contract! Miss George?"

 

A confused Regina hands over the contract for Total Drama Hellstorm.

 

Madeline: "WAIT, WE'RE GOING ON TOTAL DRAMA?! YOU'RE RECRUITERS?!"

 

Badeline: "No wonder they knew so much. Even I can't hide from that. Heh, guess we'll go in, but as two in one slot."

 

Offiz.TroJS: "Sure! No rules against that, and if there are, there aren't anymore because I ate them."

 

Regina: "You can ignore the face for the rest of your time here. Just head to the train station, and, well, everything should be fine! Right, Maddy? Can I call you Maddy?"

 

Madeline: "Yeah, go ahead."

 

Regina: "Great. Thank you for your time."

 

Regina flashes a brilliant smile as she and Offiz walk (or, well, float) away. Regina glares at Offiz.

 

Regina: "What is your problem? And how did you know that much?"

 

Offiz.TroJS: "idk lol"

 

Regina: "That wasn't an answer-"

 

-----

 

Fingore: man i am too sober for this

 

An evil version of Kasane Teto stands in front of the deleted character.

 

Evil Teto: "Contract, buddy! That's all I'm asking for!"

 

Fingore: With all due respect (0), I do not want to waste this contract on-

 

Evil Teto: "Look at me. I'm Evil Teto. Who else are you going to find that's worthy of your time? This show is Teto's Territory, and I'm gonna take it."

 

Fingore: ...logic checks out

 

Fingore hands Evil Teto the contract.

 

Evil Teto: "Alright!"

 

Fingore: So what is your gimmick? How, exactly, are you unique from the real Teto?

 

Evil Teto: "I mean, she has no personality, and therefore, just like her, I have all the personalities. I want more. The difference is that I embody all seven sins! And also that I'm an official VOCALOID rather than using UTAU."

 

Fingore: ok let's just cut to another bit

 

-----

 

The monster finds what it desires. The vegtable is silent when looking at the beast. It extends a hand, revealing a contract. The veggie rips it into shreds.

 

Ao Oni stares at the being. It extends a hand holding a pen, and then, in its own langauge, one indecipherable to humans, it asks for a name.

 

Turnip Boy: "!!!"

 

Ao Oni nods, and signs the name 'SIR DON TURNIPCHINO THE SECOND' on the contract.

 

-----

 

Searching. Searching endlessly. Somehow, unnoticed by the general populace. No one looks at their own shadow, after all. They don't notice the finer details. Except for the man who noticed. A shopkeeper with round glasses, a brown mustache, and a dark green hat.

 

This one saw something. He's a perceptive one. A good fit.

 

A voice from the shadows.

 

ERAM: "You saw something, didn't you? And now you're hearing something. I wonder, what do you think is happening right now?"

 

Shopkeeper: "A shadow creature is talking with me. Excellent! Feel free to come on out, and I promise you that I'll sell you for a good profit. Trust me, I see things like you all around Hyrule."

 

ERAM lets out its signature laugh, slightly creeping Morshu out, though it feels a slight tinge of disappointment from how easily the shopkeeper moved past the act.

 

ERAM: "Oh, you haven't seen anything like me. And I hold something very powerful. Armour that could protect you against even the strongest attacks."

 

Shopkeeper: "Oh? Well, I'm always open to a little deal myself."

 

ERAM: "There is only one way you could be allowed to sell the armour I hold. You'd have to beat me. It's your lucky day, because you're going to get many opportunities to challenge me and increase your stock, Morshu."

 

The shopkeeper, now known as Morshu, is taken aback.

 

Morshu: "You knew my name? What... what are you?"

 

ERAM laughs again.

 

ERAM: "You could learn in due time. You could learn a lot about yourself. I see right through you. Behind your affable shopkeeper act, nothing more than GREED. Well, you can get money. I will be at the train station. So will many others. Go there if you want to learn what waits for you. Trust me. You'll have so much fun that it'll kill you."

 

The creature disappears, leaving behind a contract for 'Total Drama Hellstorm'.

 

Morshu: "..."

 

He picks up and examines the contract.

 

Morshu: "It has been a while since I've done anything outside of the shop, and even if this seems pretty low quality, well, any opportunity to advertize is a good thing. Just needs a few tweaks..."

 

He starts rewriting the contract.

 

Morshu: "Breakfast in bed, official store endorsement..."

 

-----

 

Soon enough, the mantle finds another poor unfortunate soul, being a red hooded child with a banana coloured mustache.

 

ERAM: "Judge, jury, and executioner."

 

The mustached girl whips around.

 

Mustached girl: "Who said that? I'm, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty!"

 

She walks back, whips around again, and finds her surroundings covered in darkness.

 

ERAM: "It's getting late. Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's dangerous to be alone in the dark? Or was she dead before she could teach you that?"

 

The mustached girl puts on a brave face.

 

Mustached girl: "I'm not scared of... whatever you are!"

 

ERAM: "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

 

The voice echoes around the scared, trembling girl.

 

ERAM: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

 

She looks around desperately to find nothing but the voice of judgement.

 

ERAM: "You broke both those rules."

 

Somethings grips onto her legs, clawing, as she screams and shouts and begs for it to stop, hollering threats, desperate pleas, until she finds herself back in Birmingham, where people are staring at her.

 

ERAM: "Your punishment will come soon."

 

Mustached girl: "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?!"

 

ERAM: "I'm here to offer you temporary relief."

 

A contract in her hands. She reads it.

 

Mustached girl: "You tortured me for A GAME SHOW?!"

 

ERAM: "No. No, no, no, I have vastly different goals. Maybe you'll see, maybe you won't."

 

Mustache Girl was never the type to flee. Instead, the fear subsides into self righteous anger. 

 

Mustache Girl: "That's it! I'll join this 'Total Drama', and I'll find out who you are, and I'll punish all the bad guys!"

 

ERAM: "That's the spirit."

 

It's gone. Mustache Girl feels as if a weight has been lifted off of her back.

 

A man with a box for a head: "Is that Total Drama?"

 

Upon hearing the text-to-speech voice, she turns around again to see the box headed man.

 

Box headed man: "I'm The Painter. Take me to where we must go."

 

Mustache Girl: "Why should I do that?!"

 

The Painter: "I want to compete and show everyone the wonders of creation."

 

Mustache Girl: "...fine, but I don't know where to go! That weird voice didn't say."

 

Gex: "Jeez, you're a riot, Jerry! Funnier than Jerry Springfield, that's for sure! And less controversial!"

 

Jerry: "Yeah, that's great. Hey, we should get back to the competition so I can traumatize more people so that they go to therapy!"

 

Gex: "Alright, Scoob, let's get back to the Mystery Van. Sucks we didn't find anyone, but the others should've done alright enough, huh?"

 

Jerry: "Probably."

 

The two walk off, their comraderie established.

 

Mustache Girl: "Follow them."

 

The Painter: "Of course."

 

-----

 

Gogo stabs a woman in the throat for asking to be part of the show.

 

-----

 

Brad 2, Mimi Sentry, and The Grinch look at each other.

 

They look back at the random passerby they're about to harass.

 

Brad 2: "I should go. I'm very personable."

 

He opens a wallet he pickpocketed.

 

Brad 2: "Never mind, I have to go return this."

 

The Grinch: "BAH! As if you should return it!"

 

Brad 2: "It's only right after I stole it."

 

He goes.

 

The Grinch: "Well, it's finders keepers, AND I'M GONNA FIND HIM!"

 

Mimi Sentry readies a gun, and the two charge, colliding into each other and tumbling across the city. The random passerby looks at the two with confusion etched upon their face, then shrugs and goes about their day.

 

-----

 

O'Brien walks.

 

He walks on. Find out about this different state, and already it was beginning to show the features of authoritarianism. There was opportunity here.

 

Brad 2: "HEY! I GOT YOUR WALLET!"

 

The man turns around to see Brad 2, out of breath, running to catch up to him. He holds out a wallet.

 

O'Brien: "Thanks, my friend, but I don't think I dropped this?"

 

Brad 2: "No, I stole it. Sorry, bit of a kleptomaniac. Hey, while I'm here, I'm actually in this city on behalf of Total Drama?"

 

O'Brien: "Oh? Colour me interested."

 

He knew nothing about Total Drama, but it could teach him about the entertainment process here.

 

Brad 2: "Great! You just need to sign this, then come to the train station, and you're all set."

 

Brad 2 hands over the necessary contract. O'Brien reads over it.

 

I can put up with this poor conditions for this chance.

 

O'Brien signs the contract.

 

-----

 

Phineas stares at the man, face completely deadpan.

 

Phineas: "No. I'm not naughty, and I'm not coming to your island. How many times do you need to keep hearing this?"

 

Old man: "Well, why are you pestering me?"

 

The man adjusts his crimson coat and his feathered hat.

 

Phineas: "Because you seem like someone who would want to get out a bit, you know? And join a competition with some of the finest competitors in this universe, nay, the entire multiverse! A competition where anything can happen! TOTAL, DRAMA, HELLSTORM!"

 

A devilish smile crosses the man's face.

 

Old man: "A competition? You would invite the Coachman to one of those things? Well, I think I might as well. Money waits at the end of it, anyway."

 

Phineas: "Great! Just need you to sign this..."

 

The child inventor hands the Coachman the contract we've all come to know and... know.

 

Coachman: "Oh ho ho ho, excellent! I'll be seeing you real soon, then."

 

He signs.

 

Phineas: "Thanks for your time!"

 

Jet wings expand from the back of his T-shirt, and he flies away to the train station. The Coachman looks flabbergasted.

 

Coachman: "...I may have made a mistake."

 

-----

 

Mike: "Wow, that is a lot of people."

 

He sees the entire cast in front of him.

 

Mike: "I mean, we got 41 people! 1 more than we need! Except for that complication where two contracts were signed by two people. I can't easily get rid of you. But, uh, why sign the same contract?"

 

Misako: "We're a package deal or we're not a deal!"

 

Kyoko: "I'm a package!"

 

Mike: "...no. Please don't... OK, wait, no, this can work. You two share one slot, and then the others can-"

 

Badeline: "I literally cannot exist too far apart from her."

 

Mike: "OH, COME ON! Now we're down to 39! Who didn't get any?! OK, no, don't lose your calm, one more. One more contestant."

 

Mira hands him two flopping fish in a bag of water.

 

Mike: "...wha-what am I looking at, you're gonna- I'm gonna need you to explain this one."

 

Mira: "They're a contestant."

 

Mike: "I'm not letting your TWO PET FISH be a-"

 

Mira: "They're not mine."

 

Mike: "They're not- WHY DO YOU HAVE THEM?!"

 

Mira: "I scooped them up earlier this morning in case they should be needed. Here you go."

 

Mike: "Are- are you pulling my leg?"

 

Mira: "I have never been more serious about something in the countless seconds I have lived on this floating space rock."

 

Mike: "...screw it. Do they at least have names?"

 

Mira: "2 fish."

 

Mike: "I hate this show."

 

Madeline: "But it hasn't even started yet?"

 

The Painter: "So, where will we be staying? I personally need at least 3 miles of canvas space usually, but I can try and tone it down."

 

Evil Pomni: "Oh, you poor b@$%@7&$."

 

Carl: "What didn't you tell us?! Tyler, what did you miss out?!"

 

Tyler: "Hey, hey, I'm just as out of the loop as you are."

 

Mike: "OK, well, you know, budget cuts, and..."

 

Chris McLean: "Well, come on, Mike, tell us where we're sleeping!"

 

Mike: "..."

 

-----

 

Mike shoves a desk against the 'STAFF ONLY' door, barricading it, as banging sounds resonate through the room. The bear struggles to find a light switch.

 

Carl: "YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER, MIKE!"

 

Evil Pomni: "I'VE GOT A BAT AND YOU'VE GOT A FACE!"

 

The roof of the staff room is destroyed by a bloodshot, fired by ZERO.

 

ZERO: "NOW, YOU WILL FEEL THE WEIGHT OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE."

 

Mike: "WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT! If YOU KILL ME YOU WON'T GET ANY PRIZE!"

 

Mike is, unfortunately, spared. He manages to find a bat in the staff room, and starts carrying it as he exits the room.

 

Why was there even a bat? The thought briefly crosses his mind, but he decides to waste no time.

 

Mike: "Look. I know that I'm not a conventional host. I know I'm pretty lazy and I'm a cheapskate or whatever you want to call me. But, look, you get something in the end, OK? You get a prize. I'm, I'm not that bad a guy. Hell, I'll even, I'll even concede the swearing thing, you can swear on live TV, why not, you were doing it anyway but now I won't be reprimanding you for language or, or something like that. Look, just..."

 

Mike recollects himself, and faces his contestants, who are a mixtured of bored, angry, confused, excited, and hungry.

 

Mike: "Alrght. We got 40 slots here since some of you are doubling up. Yes, one of those slots is two fish. Deal with it."

 

Mike claps his hands.

 

Mike: "Evil Pomni, Chris, Offiz, Tyler, Ochako, Frank, Lain, giant eye thing, Regina, Rika, Firefox, Sentry, and Gex. You are the Adjective Animals."

 

Chris McLean: "Wow, you really dropped the ball there."

 

With the exception of an already floating ZERO, the mentioned people all move to a bus with the banner of 'ADJECTIVE ANIMALS' unfurled over it.

 

Mira: "Wait, this is a train station. Shouldn't we be sleeping on the trains instead?"

 

Carl: "How about actual fucking houses?"

 

Mike: "Cost cutting."

 

Frank: "I respect it, but also, you're dead meat."

 

Mike gulps.

 

Mike: "Uh, um, oh yeah? Well... er... Morshu, Fingore, Gogo, Mira, Mio, Goose, Momoko, Grinch, 'River City Girls', O'Brien, Phineas, Coachman, and Turnip Boy. You're the Marketable Plushies."

 

Morshu: "I can accept this."

 

They go to their own bus, which has a marketable Ralsei Deltarune plushie on it.

 

Mike: "And, yeah. ERAM, Mustache Girl- is that seriously your name? Uh, Carl, John, Tiff, Rei, Metal Mario, Brad 2, Jerry, Painter, Ao Oni, Madeline and her evil shadow counterpart, Evil Teto, and then the 2 fish. You're the Something IDK."

 

Evil Pomni: "THEY GET AN EXTRA PERSON!"

 

Evil Teto: "Yeah, but it's two fish. Is that reallya game changer?"

 

They head to a bus with a banner of two dead moles.

 

Tiff: "...why would you... make... that, the banner..."

 

ERAM: "This could be a fun time."

 

Mike: "Alright, look, you can access the confessional by, I don't know, the bathrooms in these stations. Boom. Done. Easy. Introductions done. OK, I'm going to get the first challenge ready. Those are the team buses. You can sleep on them, you can sleep in the station itself. Who's gonna stop you, you're all insane? Alright, see ya."

 

Mike leaves. 

 

-----

 

Chris McLean: "Hey, Mike."

 

Mike: "AAHH!"

 

Mike jumps and drops the basket of food he was holding.

 

Mike: "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

 

Chris McLean: "As per the contract you signed, I get to sleep in a king sized bed in a nice mansion with three servants serving me breakfast in bed. Where's my king sized bed?"

 

Mike: "...did you actually put that?"

 

Chris McLean: "You bet it."

 

Mike: "...right this way."

 

Mike leads the way. Chris follows him into a dark alleyway.

 

Chris McLean: "What are you trying to do?"

 

Mike then runs off, and Chris, about to follow, is intercepted by two men with knives.

 

Mugger 1: "Money, yeah? Hand it over, yeah?"

 

Mugger 2: "Or I stab you in the head. What's it gonna be, huh?"

 

Chris has one thought cross his mind.

 

I think I'm going to hate Birmingham.

Notes:

and so it begins! please leave a review if you enjoyed, and i will see you when this updates further.

cecu discord here:
https://discord.gg/UpQQrNu3

The Adjective Animals: Evil Pomni, Chris McLean, Offiz.TroJS, Tyler Durden, Ochako Uraraka, Frank Reynolds, Lain Iwakura, ZERO, Regina George, Rika Kawai, Firefox, Mimi Sentry, Gex the Gecko

The Marketable Plushies: Morshu, Scripulous Fingore, Gogo Yubari, Mira, Mio Nagonahara, Goose, Momoko Koigakubo, The Grinch, Kyoko + Misako, O'Brien, Phineas Flynn, The Coachman, Turnip Boy

The Something IDK: ERAM, Mustache Girl, Carl Danvers/Urban Champion, John Kimbke, Tiff, Rei Ayanami, Metal Mario, Brad 2, Jerry Attricks, Painter Boss, Ao Oni, Madeline + Badeline, Evil Teto, 2 fish