Chapter Text
Felix knew something was wrong the moment he saw the notification from Bang Chan pop up on his phone.
I mean, you didn’t have to be a genius to realize it.
> “Lixie, baby, we need to have a group meeting. Everyone’s coming to our place. 8 p.m. Also, I think we should eat something together. Any food suggestions? Love you ^^”
A group meeting wasn’t exactly unusual for Stray Kids. Once, Jeongin had called one just to decide what outfit to wear for an Instagram post. They used any excuse to be together. Pathetic, really — but Felix loved them for it.
Because when you’re truly happy just being with someone, that’s real love. You don’t need some grand activity. You just want to see them. Simple, but genuine.
But this meeting... this one was different. Obviously.
First of all, they always planned group gatherings together. Even Lee Know — who never checks his phone (Felix is convinced Minho is allergic to the internet, because seriously, who willingly ignores technology?) — even he replied to group messages when it came to deciding things.
Or during dance rehearsals, or recording sessions — everything was always decided together.
That’s the key word: together.
So what exactly was this notification on Felix’s screen?
He checks the group chat again. The last message is still Seungmin’s photo of Changbin’s abs, followed by an entire thread of absurdly flirty comments.
What can he say? Stray Kids are a group of people who enjoy torturing each other in the most romantic way possible.
But that’s not the point. There had been no mention of a gathering.
And Felix is sure it wasn’t brought up during today’s dance practice either.
Which means…
Shit.
They couldn’t have noticed, right?
Felix feels his breath hitch. His long blonde hair suddenly feels like it’s choking him. He moves quickly, gathering it up, but his eyes stay locked on the phone.
Ever since the notification appeared, his mind has been stuck on one word: food.
That single word feels alive — like a living threat pulsing on his screen.
Even as he ties his hair back, he doesn’t blink.
Finally, with something like physical pain, he forces himself to look away.
It’s six o’clock — time to start getting ready.
But for the first time ever, instead of smiling stupidly with excitement before a hangout, he’s trembling with anxiety.
Could they have found out?
The possibility steals the air from his lungs.
He thought he’d hidden it so well. He was sure of it.
No choreographer, no stylist, no cameraman — no one from the staff had noticed a thing.
And the Stray Kids team is a massive family, from the director to the background dancers — everyone is part of it.
So… how could they have figured it out?
But…
He must have underestimated his lovers — the ones who could read his emotions from a single glance, who would rush to him at the sound of one trembling breath.
They could read each other’s thoughts from a single blink.
So how could Felix ever think he could hide something like this from them?
Unable to steady himself, he lets his body sink into the soft, wide couch. The cushions beneath the fabric slowly mold to his frame, but instead of comfort, the feeling tightens around him, like a quiet suffocation.
His back brushes against the plush toy Han bought him — his favorite now — an anime figure: Chopper.
The sweet little reindeer plush that once made Yongbok smile now almost frightens him. Normally, its softness would make him want to hug it. But this time… even the cotton feels like it stings.
He shifts sideways on the couch.
Thankfully, Seungmin isn’t home today — he has a vocal lesson.
Because it doesn’t take a genius to imagine what the group’s most observant and sharp member would think if he saw him like this.
Felix isn’t even sure how long he’s been sitting there. But if he doesn’t get up soon, he’ll be late.
He could still come up with an excuse — “I’m tired,” or “I have a meeting.”
But Felix never lies to his boyfriends. He believes in trust. In relationships, honesty matters most.
No matter what happens, the ugliest truth is still better than the prettiest lie.
So no — he won’t throw away his whole worldview and start lying now.
Still, God knows he wants to. He isn’t ready for this conversation. And maybe… he never will be.
He drags himself off the couch. The cushions barely sink. It’s as if they never felt his weight at all.
Oh God—
He quickly averts his gaze and walks toward the dressing room, his steps quick and shaky, like a frightened deer escaping a hunter.
The image of the untouched couch burns into his mind, rooting itself there. He has to erase it. He has to.
To banish it, he blinks rapidly, several times in a row, until his eyes sting.
Then, he opens the dressing room door — harder than necessary — but right now, that’s the last thing he cares about.
As he goes through his clothes, his hands automatically reach for the oversized ones he’s been wearing more often lately. Almost unconsciously, he grabs a big sweatshirt.
Felix doesn’t even know why he does this. Why he keeps trying to hide his body.
Why looking into the mirror hurts like a physical wound.
Why everything feels so difficult.
He really doesn’t know.
And there’s only one thought left echoing in his head:
How did everything start going so wrong?
**To be continued**