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Luke 18:25
For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.
"What is money, anyway? It's only an earthly thing. Gold's got nothing to do with Sol, and you won't take it with you into His kingdom.
"Now, faith... that stays with you forever. That becomes a part of your soul. So if you ever get a chance to trade gold for faith, then you better take it! Give generously to those in need! Show Sol where your priorities are! And remember—when you give to Sol, He will always give back to you tenfold.
"If you've been moved by a giving spirit, call the number on your screen right now! Every last copper goes to spreading Sol's good word."
"See that, darlin'? That right there is solid gold. Twenty-four karats! I had it made special, melted down this old idol we found in a ruined temple.
"You can touch it, if you want."
"It's warm..."
"I got it enchanted. A symbol of Sol ought to be magic, right? I'm going to be a High Priest someday—I can't go around with some cheap plated knockoff!"
Matthew 28:19-20
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.
"People sometimes ask me why I chose this format for my sermons. Why teleport hither and yon, when all the grandest cathedrals are in Highcourt? Why get mixed up in all this newfangled Solesian technology, just so people can go to church in their own living rooms?
"Well, why not! Sol commands us to spread the word. How much spreading can I really do if I stay in my own backyard? I traveled all over the world in my adventuring days, and you know what? I turned more sinners towards the light in those years than I have since!
"Of course, I'm getting on in years now, and I can't do so much running around anymore. But I knew when I founded this ministry that I wanted to carry on in the same spirit. I want them to hear me all the way from Fallinel to the Red Waste, from the Mountains of Chaos right to the edge of the Nightmare Forest! I want to see humans and elves and dwarves and whatever else, all praising Sol together!"
"Were you... watching me trance?"
"No!
"Well...
"I didn't think you'd notice."
"It's not sleep. I'm still aware of what's going on around me."
"I was just curious, is all. And, well, you've got to admit it's a little creepy."
"Um...?"
"Your eyes were open and everything!"
"Oh. I don't know, I guess I've just always done it that way.
"I can keep them closed from now on."
...
"You look pretty like that. Sort of... serene. Like some kind of dryad or something. Like—like that story, you know, the maiden in the toadstools."
"...The what?"
"Oh? I would've thought you'd have that one in Fallinel."
"Um, I've never been to Fallinel."
"Or—or the forest, or wherever. I would've thought elves had that story.
"Anyway, there's this hunter, see? And he's out in the woods with his bow when he spots this beautiful young girl, sitting on a stump in a circle of toadstools. She's so enchanting that he falls in love on the spot and asks her to marry him. But she tells him no, because she can't leave her forest.
"I think he asks three more times, after that, with three different gifts. I forget what they are. But she keeps on saying no, so eventually he hauls her up over his shoulder and tries to carry her home. But the moment she crosses that circle of toadstools, she turns into an old hag and drops dead."
"That's pretty fucked up."
"Ha! Yeah, I suppose it is. I think it's meant to be about youth and beauty being temporary or some such. Maybe that's why elves don't have it!
"You just reminded me of that, is all. This young fairy girl, so peaceful and still, so beautiful a man could lose his head just like that."
"Oh.
"But, I'm not...?"
"Just take the compliment, darlin'."
"...Thanks."
James 1:6
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
"We talk a lot about doubt, up on pulpits like this. About trusting Sol, when your faith is tested, and not listening to that devil on your shoulder. And it's not that we shouldn't! But I think sometimes people get the important bits mixed up.
"It's not that we can't ask questions. That's natural, even healthy! Nothing wrong with thinking deeply about your faith. So long as when you ask a question, you let Sol answer you. Maybe you won't always like those answers—He sets us on the path that's best for us, and nine times out of ten, that's not the easiest path. But you ask Sol in faith, and you listen when He tells you what's what. You don't ask from a place of doubt. You don't play the lawyer with the Almighty, if you know what I mean.
"And if y'all will forgive me for stepping out of my usual comfort zone—it's my job to talk about your relationship with Sol, but I truly believe doubt can be just as destructive in any relationship. It's the same for your husbands or your wives, your mothers and fathers, your brothers and sisters and friends... if you always come at everybody like they're lying to you? Pretty soon you're gonna be surrounded by liars."
"Easy does it, sweetheart. Just try and relax."
"Sorry, I'm just—
"I'm nervous. Sorry."
"Oh, trust me, you've got nothing to be nervous about.
"Lord, those tits..."
"Oh!"
"Go on, darlin'. You know what to do."
"Um..."
"Here, just—just climb in my lap.
"There you go. Now, spit in your hand for me and—ooh. That's it, that's perfect.
"You don't mind if I boss you around a bit, do you, sweetheart? It's just that I'm not like the boys your age, see? I've been around the block enough times to know exactly what I want."
"No.
"I mean, I don't mind. It's... easier, honestly. I don't really know what I'm...
"I've never done this before."
"Aw, darlin', you don't have to do that."
"What?"
"You know. A body like that, dressed like that... boys must have been throwing themselves at you."
"I—"
"And the way you look at me? Come on, sweetheart, you know exactly what you're doing. I'm not the first to get in these tight little shorts of yours and—"
"Ah!"
"That's my girl.
"Shh, it's alright. I don't mind. I like a girl who's a little naughty... and I believe none of those boys ever got you where you needed to go, if you catch my drift.
"That's why you've been giving me those eyes, isn't it? Boys weren't enough for you. You needed a man."
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
"Sol commands His flock to forgive. And it's a right difficult command to follow—in such a cruel and sinful world as this one, sometimes forgiving is the hardest thing we've got to do. But Sol doesn't say, 'Forgive one another, so long as it's not too hard.' He doesn't say, 'Forgive one another, unless you've built up a real head of steam.' He doesn't even say, 'Forgive one another so long as the crime isn't too great.' He just tells us to forgive.
"Because we always feel justified in our anger when we feel slighted, don't we? We always feel like we've got the right of it. They were careless, or selfish, and got us into trouble! They don't deserve our forgiveness, they deserve our blame! But think about Sol for a moment. Think about everything you've ever done to anybody that's careless or selfish or hurtful. And remember, you haven't just done those things to those folks down here. Every sin is also committed against Sol Himself. And if Sol were to choose anger over forgiveness, well—you wouldn't like that much, would you? We all fall short of the light of Heaven now and again. So we all owe it to each other to try and be more like Sol, by forgiving our share of foolishness.
"I forgive because I know what it means to be forgiven. I thank the Lord every day for my beautiful wife, who embodies Sol's forgiveness like nobody I've ever met. Who never had a struggle she couldn't overcome, who never read a word of His good book she couldn't follow, and who never met a straying soul she couldn't guide back to the righteous path. Not even this one right here."
"The Hell was that?!"
"I'm sorry!"
"His light in Heaven, girl, what did you go and grab me for?"
"I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking!"
"Well, I'd figured that.
"Do you have any idea what it'd do to my reputation if this got out? I'm not like you, I'm not some freewheeling heathen brat, I can't do whatever I like and Damn the consequences. And here you are, getting all handsy like that with my wife right there!"
"I wasn't thinking about it like that, I just—"
"Just, what? Came back with only half a brain?"
"I just... wanted a hug."
"A hug."
"I've never died before, Bobby! I was scared. I didn't know what was going on, or where I was. I would've done that to anyone. I would've hugged Pam, if she was the one who brought me back up."
"Oh, well, silly me! You were scared! So of course I've got to burn my whole life to the ground to give you a hug and a kiss, I plum forgot about that!"
"Bobby, please..."
"You think it matters if you would've hugged Pam too? You think she'll hear that excuse and just magically stop getting suspicious? Lord, for such a clever little thing you can be such a Damn fool sometimes."
"I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again."
"It better not. I know you're not used to having to think about anybody but yourself, but you're going to have to get used to it real quick—because it won't just be me on the hot seat if she finds out."
Exodus 22:16
If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
"Ladies sometimes make a fuss about this one. And I won't lie, it's certainly old fashioned! But you have to consider it in the context of its time. It's not about treating the poor girl as property—it's about doing right by somebody you've wronged.
"Back then, you see, that girl's future was toast the moment she accepted the man's advances. And we might say, well! She should've been more careful! Sol teaches girls to save themselves 'til marriage, and this girl obviously didn't listen.
"But Sol is more merciful than that. Sol teaches us that even if the girl made a mistake, the man also chose to lie with her. He too has sinned. So he should have to stand by her, and shoulder an equal share of the consequences."
"I don't know what you want me to do, Lynnie."
"Fucking—anything! Do anything!"
"I agreed to hear you out, didn't I? Even though I shouldn't have."
"Nobody at the agency will talk to me. What am I supposed to do, Bobby? Where the fuck am I supposed to go?"
"I can't force another party to take you on. Word must have spread, and... well. You can't really blame them, can you? Not wanting to have to explain, ah, explain to their wives about—"
"You motherfucker!"
"I've got my own career to think about, you know. You've put me in a really precarious position."
"You said you loved me."
"I did. I do! But I can't do that to Pam, can I? I can't do that to my child. I can't uproot my whole life, both of their lives, just to save you from the consequences of your actions."
"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?"
"Don't be a brat, Sandra Lynn. You're a grown-up, you knew perfectly well what would happen if you got caught, so don't go blaming it all on me."
"You chickenshit son of a bitch!"
"I took your call because I thought you needed my help, but if you're just going to swear at me—"
"No!
"No...
"Bobby, please. I don't have anywhere else to go. I lost my apartment, I've been living out of a goddamn motel for the past two weeks."
"I really don't know what you want me to do. Do you want money? I already gave you, remember, when you left I gave you—"
"I don't want money! I want my fucking life back!"
"Alright. Alright, that's it. I want to help, but if you just want someone to point fingers at..."
"Bobby! Bobby, come on, you can't just—!"