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It was the seventeenth day since Arlecchino had returned to Fontaine to search for the Hydro Gnosis. A number which, by all means, should have meant nothing. It held no significance to her, except for the fact that, at night, she caught a familiar blue tailcoat chasing down a black cat in the dead of night.
Her first instinct was to conceal herself near some boxes. The light didn't reach that far, and the cloak broke up her form so she could gaze upon the archon from afar. As she crouched down and leaned in, she was better able to understand what was going on in front of her.
“Who's a cute little kitty-cat? Yes you are, yes you are!” Furina scratched the cat's ears and the underside of its head, and it meowed contentedly. Arlecchino paused. Could this be a trap of some sort?
Furina’s giggles increased as the cat started to bat at a strand of hair which stuck out from beneath her hat. She “retaliated” by wiggling her fingers on its belly, causing the cat to instantly retract its paws and curl up in every direction, yowling.
This was probably a trap. No, definitely a trap. Every instinct was telling Arlecchino that she should not engage. Yet it was too perfect of an opportunity to avoid.
Get it together. You are the fourth of the Fatui Harbingers. Not inferior to any god or archon!
Arlecchino moved in a flash, appearing behind Furina in a single step. Furina dropped the cat, and before it even touched the ground, Arlecchino’s arm was poised to strike. Furina desperately tried to move away, yet it was as if she was moving in slow motion to the Harbinger. Her arm sunk into flesh, puncturing her midsection.
For a second, Furina looked down at her own bleeding body in shock.
“Uh… AAAAAAAAAGH!” She began to scream. It was a shrill sound, ear-piercing and deeply uncomfortable.
Arlecchino's other hand moved, without her body's approval, to Furina's neck, where it pierced through like a hot knife through butter. Her head popped off her neck, bouncing off the ground and rolling around in a circle. The battle- no, it could hardly be called that- was over in less than three second’s time.
“CLORIIIIIIIIIIINDE! NEUVILLEEEEEEEEEETTTE! SOMEONE H-HELP MEEEEEEEE!” Her head began to scream.
Impossible! There was no air, no trace of divinity within her. Without magic or biology, how were those sounds being made?
Arlecchino took a couple of steps towards the head to either try and negotiate, threaten, or silence it, but found that her left arm, still lodged in Furina's body, was stuck. She tried to pull it out, yet it stayed firmly stuck.
As she turned around to gain greater purchase, her jaw was met with a blur of blue. The body's elbow had hit her!
As Arlecchino wobbled, her eyes flicked upwards to see that “Furina” had grown another, far angrier head. Her brows were furrowed so intensely it was as if she was staring at a jagged cliff rather than a human head, her dark blue eyes burning with such intense hatred it was as if vapor was rising from the orbs.
“Attacking a defenseless woman in the dead of the night?” New Furina said, then somehow managed to scowl even harder.
“You are the lowest of the low!”
Her two hands slapped themselves around Arlecchino’s head and began to slowly lift her up off the ground. Somehow, despite the sheer weight difference, and that Furina's arms didn't look very strong, she was still generating tremendous strength.
Arlecchino felt the pressure increase, and with it, the bones in her face began to rub against each other. It was painful and unpleasant. She attempted once more to pull her arm out of Furina's stomach, but it was futile. She tried prying off one of Furina's other hands with her other arm, but that too was useless. They refused to budge.
With no other choice, she sucked in a deep breath, and with all her might, beheaded the Furina in front of her. The instant her head left her body, the grip on her hand loosened, and Arlecchino pushed off the ground with all her might to finally dislodge her arm, rolling over on the ground.
“Eek!” Furina squeaked as Arlecchino hit the ground next to her. Somehow, her head had grown a new body, with the exact same outfit. She quickly scooted away and began to run down the street.
How is she doing that? Arlecchino thought. Then she heard the whistle of a swift motion from behind her.
A quick duck allowed her to just barely evade the swing of a lead pipe into her head. Arlecchino rolled away, then sprung up, scythe at the ready to look at her new opponents.
Two more Furinas stood behind her, one of them with a sad expression, holding a pipe in a classical fencing stance. The other, the scowling one, was bouncing on the balls of her feet with her fists up next to her cheeks.
Arlecchino shifted her scythe. This was about to become very complicated.
There was a rumor that when the Champion Duelist position had first been established, the Hydro archon was the first Duelist. She claimed to have lowered her strength to that of an ordinary human, yet with impeccable strikes and flawless ripostes, she had never lost a single bout. The Fontanians complained and grumbled quietly. “No point in choosing to duel,” they'd say. The house always wins.
Hearing this, the Hydro Archon had tossed aside her blade and faced down her next opponents with only her hands. Yet despite the extra reach the blades gave, she still would send each criminal tumbling to the ground.
Eventually, she stopped entirely, appointing a human to that position instead.
When Arlecchino had first looked at the Hydro archon, such a thing seemed preposterous. Surely this flat-footed, unaware, weakling of an Archon could not have been the one to triumph in all those duels? It must have been a falsehood or an exaggeration!
Her scythe flew through the air, missing both Furinas. A shin kick from an angle she didn't expect cut through the muscles of her thigh as a pipe narrowly missed the side of her head. The Furina with the lead pipe had a muted, depressed expression as the attack missed, as if it was a foregone conclusion.
Arlecchino swung her blade again.
The Furinas dodged and counterattacked in sync, but she was expecting that. She met the first one's fist with her forehead, and heard bone crunch. The lead pipe she blocked with her right arm, causing a throb of pain. When she counterattacked, the scythe hit true this time.
One through the neck and one through the eyes, the blade's path went as though nothing had gotten in its way, and the two Furina's heads fell off.
Now to find the third!
But as Arlecchino took a step forward towards the fading cries for help, the scowling head rolled itself over to face her.
“HOLD UP! You haven't forgotten about us, have you?” Scowling Furina's head yelled.
The other Furina's mouth, still attached to its body and rapidly growing the rest of its head back, chimed in.
“To be brought out like this… such a tragedy…”
“I don't agree!” A new head, sprouting from the body of the scowling Furina, burst out into a smile.
“Oh…” Depressed Furina replied.
“I'm quite glad I get to feel the night again!” the smiling head proclaimed.
The scowling head began to regenerate her body, too.
Arlecchino dropped into a guarded stance, legs spread to disperse whatever impact might come next. The new Furina raised up her hand, and in it was…
Arlecchino burst into movement just as the bullet flew by her head.
“Aww, did I miss? Must be because my eyes didn't grow back yet. There we go!” Smiling Furina said.
Depressed Furina put a hand on Smiling Furina's shoulder and raised her lead pipe at Arlecchino.
“You should've waited for us to get her in a more compromised position before you shot,” she said mutedly.
“And you are far too cautious!” Smiling Furina said.
“What are you doing? GO GET HER!” Scowling Furina howled at the other two clones.
“Ah, right!” The other two replied, running off in opposite directions to circle around Arlecchino.
A pincer attack? How rudimentary. But it only works if there are two! Arlecchino burst into a sprint towards Smiling Furina, dodging the first shot fired.
“Woah! Now that's wild. I gotta say, it's impressive to dodge me like that! After all, “I” am the peak of humanity, after all!” Smiling Furina said, and as Arlecchino's scythe sunk into her, she got another shot off, this one blocked by Arlecchino’s palm. The bullet sunk partway into her hand, so Arlecchino picked it out quickly and stepped back before Depressed Furina tried to stab her in the stomach. A flurry of blows followed, all of which Arlecchino dodged through distance management.
Smiling Furina’s head grew back, and she lifted up the gun and started firing wildly while laughing maniacally. The bullets sunk into Arlecchino’s back and popped the pipe out of Depressed Furina’s arm. Arlecchino, looking at the battle and thinking it wouldn’t be worth it, decided to run off, healing herself to push the bullets out of her body. She leapt onto the top of a building just as Smiling Furina began to shoot again. The bullets ricochetted off of the roof, giving her a brief respite.
Now, where is the main body? I don’t think I can end this without getting to her. Arlecchino scanned for any screams, but unfortunately, it seemed like the original Furina had hidden herself away. She cursed her ineptitude for allowing her to escape when a swift rustle behind her alerted her to someone else’s presence. She immediately leapt off the roof to try and get to another one.
“Awful villain!” Scowling Furina yelled as she spun into a tornado kick aimed at Arlecchino’s midsection. Mid-air, she failed to dodge, and the blow struck true, knocking her off-course. Arlecchino smashed into a nearby building, breaking through a window and entering some poor soul’s apartment. A Fontainian lady woke up and screamed.
Scowling Furina acrobatically flipped into the room and unleashed a lightning-fast one-two combination which ripped into Arlecchino’s jaw. Stumbling back, eyes blurry, she barely swayed back far enough to avoid the next kick. She finally regained her bearings and ducked under the next one as she ran towards the window she had broken.
She leapt out. A lead pipe smashed downwards into the base of her skull, and she was once again sent into the facade of the building, bouncing off the balcony. That was insane. These clones were ostensibly human, yet they possessed a strength that was rivaled only by Vision wielders. The lead pipe smashed into Arlecchino’s head again, sending the balcony crumbling.
Arlecchino rolled quickly as she hit the ground, dodging a third strike from depressed Furina, but she wasn’t out of the woods yet— Smiling Furina unleashed a hail of bullets in her general direction, which she thankfully managed to dodge most of. The ones that hit did so in her midsection, which was easy to heal. Once again, they dropped to the ground with a clink-clink-clink.
She quickly resummoned her scythe and lopped off Smiling Furina’s head. It seemed as though they might not regenerate further than this.
“Ar-le-chii-nooooo~”
Never mind. Now there was a fifth one. This Furina had pulled down her hat down, down, under her eyes… and beneath that brim her mouth was drooling. “I see right through you…”
Arlecchino's scythe once again missed.
There was a time where the Hydro Archon, on a flight of fancy, had summoned masters of esoteric arts from Liyue and Inazuma. She secluded herself for weeks and years, learning the secret arts of meditation and qi control. By the end of it, she had claimed her extrasensory senses were on the same level of the God of Wisdom, and that she was able to match the reclusive god in gathering knowledge.
Furina the Ascetic. Furina the Champion. Furina the Mechanic. Furina the Phantom. Furina the Adept of the Ages, Furina the Multi-talented Vitruvian Archon of the Arts and Sciences.
I know what you are, Furina. You're no Archon. You're just a cursed human with too much time on her hands! Arlecchino thought to herself.
“Uh oh, she figured it out,” Blind Furina said. “She needs to go.”
“Then go she shall!” Smiling Furina crowed, taking aim at Arlecchino. She clicked the safety off her musket.
“We won't let you leave this place alive,” Scowling Furina growled, cracking her knuckles.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Depressed Furina said, while raising her pipe once more.
Arlecchino weighed the options here. How many were there? Could she reasonably fight through all of them without incurring the curse’s penalty?
No, that was risky. She might end up swarmed. Better to try and go for a single, strong attack now-- even if she ended up cursed!
“Furina de Fontaine, I will find your Gnosis no matter what!” Arlecchino proclaimed, and struck the ground with her scythe. Red veins carved outwards, and from them crimson spikes of pyro and abyssal energy impaled the Furinas.
Arlecchino quickly made haste and ran away from the four Furinas, on the hunt for the original one.
It took a little bit, and the curse crept up her wrists, but she was finally able to hear a scared whimper from a nearby alleyway.
Furina was cuddling a cat when Arlecchino reappeared in front of her. Framed in the moonlight, the only visible glow coming from her eyes, Furina felt as though she was staring death itself in the face. Under such pressure, there was only one thing to do.
Furina tossed the cat at Arlecchino and bolted down the alleyway at top speed.
Sorry, Mr. Kitty-cat! I need to survive tonight!
In the blink of an eye, Arlecchino was already upon her, scythe aimed directly at her head.
This is where I win! Arlecchino thought.
“E-AAAAAAAUUUGH!” Furina screamed as Arlecchino's scythe broke the skin on her head. Arlecchino tried to push it through, but Furina's head had somehow gotten tougher. She desperately applied more pressure and more strength.
“You made a grave error.” Furina's voice called out from behind the two of them.
It was as though a harsh tide came crashing down on Arlecchino's head, dragging her through jagged rocks and leaving her struggling for life. She struggled to regulate her breathing, while she continued to press the scythe into Furina's head.
Furina hoisted the scythe out of the shallow mark it had left on her cheek and continued to bolt down the alleyway. Arlecchino turned around. Standing in front of her was an entity that could only be described as divine.
It looked the same as all the other Furinas at first glance. Same height, same hair, same eyes. Yet this one carried itself with an indescribable air of solitude. As though it was the only human to ever walk the earth. Before it, all gods and demons were nothing, mere dross on the bottom of its feet to be stepped upon.
Solo Furina took one glance at the situation and disappeared like a drop of rain.
And the crashing tides drove their way into Arlecchino’s solar plexus so hard that it felt like her organs would burst out the other side.
Up, up, up in the air she went.
What kind of hobby made her able to do this???
She dug her scythe into the side of the building, stopping her fall. The sudden jerk hurt her torso, already badly beaten, and she had to take a few wheezing breaths to recover. Clinging to the side of the building’s facade, she looked down at the Furina. Wait, just one?
Solo Furina stomped Arlecchino into the wall, then used the momentum to bounce off the wall and kick her again. A flying punch to the head was next, then a back kick, then an axe kick that sent her all the way down to the floor where the original Furina lay helpless. As Arlecchino reached out her hand to grab her, Solo Furina dropped onto it with her full weight, cracking the pavement.
The tip of her left boot met Arlecchino’s cheek, and it was harder than she could imagine. The blows weren’t exactly heavy, but even at half the size, the weight was unbelievable. Solo Furina continued to kick, kick, kick dispassionately, with Arlecchino barely dodging or blocking the blows to her eyes and ears. Those were priority, along with her jaw. Unfortunately, that meant the majority of Solo Furina’s kicks were met by her forehead, nose, and the back of her head. She could feel her consciousness slipping and sliding out of existence.
“H-hey…” she heard the original Furina's voice, shaky and faint. “She l-looks like she's h-had enough, right, mirror-me?”
“Remember your responsibility. This isn't about you,” Solo Furina replied. “For the future of Fontaine, every sacrifice must be made.”
Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Such an even rhythm. It was almost becoming soothing, those choreographed bursts of pain. Was this how she died? Really? Against the one archon who had never shown anything close to godly power?
“Perry, you can't give up!”
In the corner of her mind’s eye, it was as though Clervie was kneeling in front of her, sobbing.
“You can't, you can't, you can't!”
“But Clervie,” Arlecchino wanted to say, but her mouth refused to move. “There's nothing I can do. I'm going to die here.”
Solo Furina's breathing began to grow heavier as the exertion took its toll. She halted her kick midway, then, as she continued to take deep, heaving breaths, stared down at the woman, who was mumbling to herself. Her face was completely battered and bloodied.
“Can't you do something about her?” Furina said with some disgust.
“I tried,” Solo Furina replied. “She's about as tough as a god. It's a miracle we were able to defeat her before she unleashed some attack that would destroy the city. If she had desired to win at any cost, we would have lost. You would have been torn apart.”
“Eek! T-that’s scary…” Furina replied, inching away towards the nearest Garde Alarm on the connected street. “Well, let's dispatch the Gardes to execute her, then.”
“No, we can do it ourselves,” Solo Furina said.
Furina paused under a streetlight like a Blubberbeast caught unaware as it snacked on seaweed. She began to tremble.
“A-a-are you s-s-sure?”
“I don't mean you, coward, I meant-” Solo Furina was interrupted by an arrow piercing Original Furina's chest, causing her knees to buckle under the sudden impact. She fell down onto one knee.
“Ow!” She cried indignantly, and the arrow burst into flame, causing her to shriek and swat at her arms and chest to stifle the flame, as if that would help.
“Hey!” Lynette and Freminet jumped down from a nearby building. Lynette faced Solo Furina, while Freminet faced Furina. From the top of that building, Lyney aimed his bow at Solo Furina.
“What have you done with our Father?” He yelled.
Solo Furina looked down at Arlecchino, then back up to Lyney. “I may be five hundred years old, but this is still a woman, no?”
“It doesn't matter! Father is Father, and you will pay for beating her up! Get them!” Lyney shouted.
Lynette ran up to Solo Furina and instantly got punched out of the alleyway into the main street, where she crashed into a dumpster. She tried to pull herself out, but the metal had indented around her, and she struggled to muster up the strength.
Meanwhile Freminet lagged behind Furina as she ran down the street. Even with an arrow in her chest, she was ridiculously fast. It didn't help that Freminet was lugging around his claymore, though.
“Perry, get up! Get up! Your kids are fighting!” Clervie shook Arlecchino’s shoulders. “If you do nothing, they'll die!”
Solo Furina took a few steps towards Lynette with the intent to kill. She took no pleasure in doing this to a child who was only seeking to avenge a parent, yet she had seen too much already. For the sake of Fontaine… nay, for the sake of the world if Fontaine's waters were to overflow, no sacrifice was too great. That was her responsibility as archon, false idol as she may be!
Lyney jumped down in front of her and slung an arrow into her face, which she wove around. A thrust into the midsection sent him flying into Lynette. She thought she heard something crack. It might be a rib, or just the wall.
She continued walking the two of them down.
A burst of heat hit her back.
Solo Furina turned around and saw Arlecchino pick herself off the ground, fire rising up around her.
“Lyney, Lynette. Go help Freminet.” Arlecchino lifted her scythe. “I shall defeat this one.”
“Yes, Father!” Lyney replied, and the two of them ran off in Freminet’s direction.
“First, you will die. Then, he will die. Then, she will die. And finally, he will die,” Solo Furina said dispassionately.
“No, we won't. They'll find your main body and kill you.” And until then, I will stall you!”
Arlecchino kicked off her back foot to charge right at Solo Furina, who dodged the blow with ease and threw a cross from an angle. Arlecchino ducked, then leaned back as Solo Furina’s lead pipe traced an arc upwards to her eye.
The truth was evident. Despite her strength and skill being many times that of a human, this Furina was not physically or magically empowered. She was just really, really good. That was to be expected, from someone with hundreds of years worth of skill. What wasn’t expected was how close to divine that power could see.
Though, it’s not as though that should have been surprising, seeing as several other cursed humans Arlecchino was aware of had also reached that realm.
Think! It’s like you’re fighting the Captain! How would you act then? Arlecchino thought to herself. And just like that, Furina’s attack patterns, focused on weak points, exploiting her field of view, and aiming for flawless precision, became more clear. These were not unavoidable blows, they could only be in one place at one time! She just had to avoid them!
“Oh. Oh, that missed. Hm. I see,” Solo Furina said. Suddenly, she came to a stop.
“You’ve figured me out.”
“I wouldn’t- hah- say- hah- that,” Arlecchino said in between heavy breaths.
“Your fatigue is creeping in, yet I have no doubt that you would be able to dodge any attack I send at you next. This is troubling indeed,” Solo Furina said, letting go of her lead pipe and clasping her hands together as if in prayer.
Arlecchino lunged forward and swung her scythe at Solo Furina with all her might. At that moment, a swift impact hit her in the jaw, causing her consciousness to fade, her eyes to roll back, and her legs to collapse on the ground.
“Lyney! Lynette! I can't catch her!” Freminet yelled.
Lynette, the fastest of the three, redoubled her efforts, swimming through the air so fast it was like a mirage passing through the streets of Fontaine. Yet somehow Furina was still keeping pace while shrilly screaming her lungs out.
“HEEEEEELP! SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELP ME! HEEEEEELP! NEUVILLEEEEEEEEEETTTE!”
The arrow in her chest seemed to barely impede her ability to run. Yet Lynette finally managed to catch up and stab her in the leg, sending both of them tumbling to the ground. Furina mustered up the strength to crawl as much as she could, but Freminet finally caught up to her. He put on his helmet as he approached the screaming woman.
“AHHH! Don't kill me, pleeeease! Whatever you want, it's yours! Money, power, fame! Just-”
Freminet sliced Furina down the middle. The arrow previously stuck in her chest clattered to the ground, cleft in two. For a second, all was still. Then the two parts began to grow again.
“Why…” one part groaned.
“Won't you leave me ALOOONE!?” The other half shouted. Two Furinas stood up. One of them seemed perfectly average in every way, the original, probably, while the other held a metal ball in her hand, which she threw at Freminet. He raised his broadsword to block it, but the ball split into three parts attached by string and wrapped him up. The two Furinas ran away in sync, one down a street and one towards the nearest Gardemek. Lyney ran after the average one. Lynette ran after the Gardemek one, who was already starting to tinker with it.
The Gardemek began to shoot wildly at Lynette, and Toolkit Furina ran off to the next one, grinning. Then as she reached the Gardemek, she heard a clatter, and as she looked behind, the first one she had jump-started collapsed to the ground. Then Lynette was on her, and the two of them tumbled into the ground.
Lyney chased down the other one despite the intense pain in his ribs. Every breath was pure agony, it was all he could do to run after Furina.
Arlecchino sliced through Solo Furina's cheek, leaving a slash wound that began to bleed almost immediately. She responded with a kick to the head which rocked Arlecchino's brain in her skull.
Lyney fired off a shot at Furina, but unable to aim and run at the same time, it went wild, smashing into a random window. Furina reached a set of stairs. She fearfully looked up, then back, and, seeing an arrow zip by her, she began to bolt up them, tripping halfway through and continuing to climb on four limbs. One limb after the other, it didn't matter how scraped her hands and shins were. Lyney followed suit, running faster than Furina could crawl.
Arlecchino and Solo Furina engaged in a war of blows, the meditative countenance wiped off the Archon clone’s face. They both screamed into the night as they swung with all their mights at each other, scythe on pipe. Moving from one street to the other, they failed to land fatal blows on each other, missing by mere fingers’ worth of space.
Furina finally crawled up to the top of the staircase and stood up to begin running again, but just as she did, Lyney grabbed onto her ankle, sending her down to the floor. Suddenly, an ominous pressure washed over both of them. Furina was the first to look up.
“Neuvillette!” She gasped in relief.
Lyney’s heart sank for a bare moment before his body did too.
Oh, I'm falling.
Neuvillette, with a simple motion of his cane, had blasted him off the top of the staircase. He was going to land hard, unless there was grass or something else to block his fall.
Lynette choked Toolkit Furina with her right arm pressing on her neck, keeping her pinned.
Arlecchino missed her swing by a tiny bit, and Solo Furina took aim and launched an undodgeable thrust right at her left eye.
Oh no! Neuvillette can't discover that I'm a cursed human. If he finds the other Furinas, he’ll realize that my memories have been split off into different aspects of myself. I’ve gotten away with not using my power, but if it looks like I’m using it and he still doesn’t detect any divine energy, the act will be over. I have to recall the “mes” that I've spread! Furina thought to herself.
Solo Furina’s lead pipe turned into a puddle right as it hit Arlecchino's face. Arlecchino stumbled, off-balance, and fell face-first into the ground.
Lynette felt the force she was exerting suddenly go unchecked and fell into another puddle.
The puddles zipped across the ground. Furina surreptitiously stuck one foot off the edge of the stairs, willing them to climb up the side of the wall, and absorbing them through that point of contact.
“Lady Furina… Pardon my language, but what in Teyvat’s unholy ruler was that?” Neuvillette said.
“I… can explain?” Furina said.
As the two of them were distracted, Lyney dragged himself away. Arlecchino wheezed on the floor as Lynette and Freminet came over to help pick her up. They would return to the House of the Hearth and bandage their wounds and heal from tonight's escapades.
There would be a story that unfolded slightly differently from the one you know in the future, but I'm not really interested in writing that one.