Work Text:
“Leave me alone! I'm already tired of you!” Those words repeated in my mind, why would Myra say that? My head spiralled into every single possibility – did I do something wrong? Maybe I forgot something... But what? It couldn’t be any of those – I mean she was my only friend, and I’m sure I was her only friend as well. But whatever I did... It must’ve been horrible. I went over every detail from the past month until my eyelids felt heavy and everything slowly went black. Suddenly, I woke up in a cold sweat. My alarm blared in my ears and for a second everything felt okay...
I scanned my dim room – it looked like it had been decades since someone was last here. The paint was chipping, and on top of a bookshelf laid an old photo of Myra and I, after we had just met, and when we...were still inseparable. I had to admit – I missed her like I was a kid looking for their lost dog. After examining everything, I lifted my stiff body, out of my deteriorating bed, as I did my limbs ached.
“I guess I should go for a walk...” I murmured to myself.
My hand grasped the cold doorhandle, the air outside sent shivers throughout my body.
***
I took the same path daily. Not out of necessity – it just felt... right. It wasn’t like there was a reward or something – or maybe there was. Maybe I walked daily because it kept me sane, maybe I went for walks because I knew if I do nothing, the silence gets too loud.
“Hey Sael!” a voice spoke out.
“Sael, are you okay?”
Why was she asking me that? She was just a shopkeeper... Plus, nobody was meant to know about what happened, at least not yet
“Hullo? Are you going to talk? It’s obvious you’re sad – Myra already came by a couple minutes ago” she added.
Why was she still talking?
“Okay... Jeez – you really don't want to talk today?”
I hated this, why was she so consistent? I turned to look at her, she had green faded hair, the type you know is dead from the first glance. And I couldn’t help but notice the constant smile she had, even with me ignoring her. Either way, I can walk all day, talk to that shopkeeper, pretend that nothing was wrong. But at night, when the town dimmed and everything went quiet, my mind didn't. My mind wandered to places I don’t want it to go to – the dark areas where Myra still existed – just in fragments.
***
I stood in the old warehouse we used to hang out in – except everything felt different. I wasn’t with Myra. It just... didn’t feel right, every corner was full of what should be OUR memories – but it just wasn’t. It was all twisted and mangled. Distorted even. When I locked eyes with HER.
“Sael...” she whispered, “why did you let go?”
Everything inside of me collapsed.
“I-I DIDN’T!! PLEASE” I stammered, “YOU! You disappeared! It wasn’t my fault!” I pleaded while I tried to move towards her.
“Stop.” Myra uttered “it was all your fault – you could've stayed, Sael...You’re a disappointment – a failure, you disgusted me with your incompetence, how could anyone ever love you? How could you love yourself knowing you have to look at a pig wearing make-up every morning – accept it, you’re nothing but the scraps left to rot.”
The air grew thicker, not only with tension, with panic as well.
“I TRIED!” I yelled with desperation, fear swiftly building in my chest “I didn’t want you to leave! PLEASE! It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t do it! YOU DID! I tried to be my best! I’m sorry I couldn’t be good enough for you" I yelled. Why was Myra trying to act like I hurt HER? I did NOTHING to hurt her! My whole body ached from the anger, the sorrow and everything else but this time – it was worse than before, and in a blink of an eye my body hit the cold floor. My heart hurt, physically and mentally. It hurt in a way that was so indescribable no form of words could explain it. Everything went blurred and my lungs felt as if they were a cold mine shaft collapsing. Black spots danced in my vision as the echoes of me hyperventilating surrounded us. What was happening? I wheezed for air and instead of getting any, everything went blank.
***
I woke up in pure darkness and in a cold sweat – the only sound being my desperate gasps for air. What was that? That entire... Dream? That whole time Myra tried to pin it all on me – like I was leftovers. Well.... if that was Myra... Whatever, that whole thing felt surreal.
Despite of what just happened in that dreadful nightmare, I fell asleep minutes later. The next morning was the same – except for the pouring rain. Today felt different, not because of the rain, it was something else. I wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened in that god-awful dream or just Myra in general – but just... something was wrong
“SAEL” the words sounded strange before I processed them – after I finally did, I noticed it was the same shopkeeper,
“What on earth happened to you, Sael? You look like crap”
I didn’t want to talk to her. I mean, technically, this was the normal for her. Myra and I always used to buy from her, talk to her. Oh, Myra, how I missed your faded pink locs, your pale, soft skin, your sweet aroma, you were never just a friend to me, and when you left – it felt like being squashed to the ground like a piece of trash to be disregarded and thrown away. I found it amusing how you can become acquainted with someone like that, without knowing what they thought of you back.
“Whatever, if you’re going to act like that, at least acknowledge me, ignoring people isn’t cool Sael.”
At this point I didn’t care – I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be anywhere but here. After all, everything was empty, and the weight of loneliness lingered deep in my heart. I mean, why would it not? The only person, no girl I've ever loved, was gone, was life worth living if not with her?
No, it wasn’t, but no matter how much I want to leave this cruel planet – I was stuck. Stuck in the grasp that she left on me, stuck in the last kind word she uttered out of her stupidly adorable looking mouth, stuck in a place where she left me to perish for all of eternity.
It wasn’t a long walk back to my home; I could see my raggedy home from where I was, after all, I did not go very far. Why should I though? Why would I risk seeing Myra? Even the thought of her was enough to poison my mood.
All I needed to do was to cross the deteriorating road, and so I did. Suddenly, the road wasn’t just pavement anymore, it froze my feet in place, even when blinding lights sped towards me, an engine roar deafened me. I didn’t move, I had enough time too, but was it really worth it? It would have been better this way. No longer a single thought of her would infect my mind till I was near insane, she probably would have preferred this, rather than me living in misery.
It all happened so... fast? The warm sensation of thick crimson blood surrounded me as it trickled out of my numb body – the metallic scent filled the air. The pain felt like nothing – most likely due to shock, but I was glad it was painless.
“SAEL” a familiar voice shouted with traces of pure fear in their voice,
“Oh my god... Sael, I’m so sorry” their sobs became uncontrollable “I’m so sorry, this was all my fault – I shouldn’t have left, it's just... oh god I’m so sorry, I drove you too this didn’t I?”
Those were the last words I heard as the freedom of death grasped my soul.