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In the dream, he is running.
The air is thick with heat, and the woods are dark except for the dull, fiery glow barely visible through the branches.
Kakashi’s legs move across the ground like sludge. He cannot see it, but he knows he is being hunted. His back is screaming with the awareness that something is chasing him. Something with claws that shred, teeth that crush, and burning red eyes. A monster he knows that no matter how far he runs will always haunt him.
Coward! Weakling! You latch on like a parasite and make others die so that you may live!
He grits his teeth and tries to run faster.
Out of the corner of his eye he notices someone running alongside him. They move, graceful and effortless across the ground he struggles to cover
“This way, I know a place it won’t find us.”
They seem to step— sideways. Off the never ending loop he’d been on and into the shadows.
Slowly, the color and heat drain away and a still coolness seeps into the air. The heaviness falls away and they run through the forest as swift as deer. He can still hear the distant roar of the monster, but he knows it won’t find them here, hidden beneath the overgrown trees and hollowed hills.
They emerge out into a grassy clearing lit with dim light. He looks around. There is a neatly tied up bed roll, and makeshift log benches encircle an empty fire pit.
And then his companion turns around. He sucks in a breath.
“Rin,” he breathes.
She looks up at the sky, unconcerned with Kakashi.
“Mm, Yes, That’s my name. But I don’t much remember…” she trails off. She doesn’t say anything after that.
Kakashi walks to the fire pit and sits down, raising his eyes in silent question. She tilts her head and then pads over to join him, where they sit side-by-side in companionable silence.
He doesn’t know how long they sit, looking at the stars. They’re beautiful, uncomplicated. He breathes deeply, taking the time to enjoy being next to her instead of a piece of rock.
Some indeterminable amount of time later, he speaks.
“One time we were on a mission. A security job for a market in Hot Water.” Rin looks over at him, curious.
“Obito burned his throat doing a grand fireball. He wanted to go find you, but I told him to just tough it out until we finished the job.”
In the end, we did alright. But by the end of the day he was spitting blood and we nearly let someone’s stupid pottery get stolen.”
He huffs out a laugh. “You were so mad.”
Rin laughs. Just as carefree and bright as he remembers. “That was dumb,” she agrees.
“Yeah. Not you though. You were always the best of us. Smart, mature, kind.”
She goes quiet.
“Do you remember how you died?” He asks, and Rin shakes her head.
Maybe in reality, Kakashi could not have recounted it. But they are together and she is laughing. There’s nothing making his throat tighten, nothing making his thoughts spiral, only the truth that Rin is dead, and there’s nothing he can do to change it.
There’s nothing to fear. There's nothing to ask.
“We were at separate posts at the time,” he begins. “One day news came that you had been captured. I couldn’t just stand back and leave you to die, so I left to go find you. We managed to escape—but the plan went wrong; we didn’t get far enough away. And when Kiri realized you were gone they chased after us.
“We thought— you guessed, that they sealed their tailed beast into you, there was no time to know for sure, but—” He struggles to find the words.
“You were a hero,” he says finally. “There was no other way the tailed beast could have been neutralized. So when you jumped in front of me…”
“I killed you. I’m sorry.” He says quietly.
She looks agitated. “Who are you talking to?” she blurts out, eyes darting around.
Kakashi blinks, even in the dream confused at the unexpectedness of the question. “...To you. You sacrificed yourself to save everyone, remember?”
“No,” she shakes her head. “No. That’s not what I did. That’s not me,” she says vehemently.
“Um.. yes, it was.” Kakashi says awkwardly. “I remember, I was there.”
“Well then maybe you were too stupid to see the truth,” she snaps and Kakashi startles. All of a sudden the trees are no longer comforting. The sparse, perfect camping gear makes him uneasy.
Something’s wrong. Something’s not right. If anyone should be in the Pure Lands it should be Rin. But this dark gray forest is not paradise.
“You’re Rin, right?” She slowly shakes her head, backing away from him as if she’s never seen him clearly until now.
“You’re Rin, my teammate,” he says a little desperately. “You’re friendly, and patient, and kind, and no matter how bad things get you always see the bright side of things.”
“Who are you talking about?!” She yells.
They are both standing up, circling each other. Or maybe the world is spinning around them.
“Maybe I only did it because I was sick of pretending to care about you,” she spits out. Hearing it coming out of her mouth makes him feel sick.
“No,” he struggles to respond. “You would never. If you just remembered—“
“I’m beginning to think I don’t want to—“
“—It would be obvious.”
“Why do you— oh.” She laughs then, a loud, uncontrolled sound that digs into Kakashi’s ears. “Oh, I get it,” She says, grinning, “You made her up.”
“That’s not true,” Kakashi says sharply.
“Well, where is she then!” She snarls. “Where’s this damn bitch you miss so bad?”
“You’re right here,” he sobs
“NO!”
Like a volcano exploding in a release of pressure, she screams and rips open her shirt. Kakashi jerks, about to look away, but his eyes catch on what’s there, or... not there. Fibrous ribs and maggots instead of skin, with a hole punched out the center. The smell of preservative and rotting flesh rolls out in a wave and he gags.
He turns away, desperately looking at anything but the nightmare in front of him, but his surroundings are no better. The trees melt into jagged spikes of rock. The sky hardens into an immovable ceiling. A cave, only for the dead.
“She’s not here. Can’t you see?” The words drag his attention back. Intense golden eyes bore into him as his heart pounds in his chest, unable to look away.
“There’s nobody here!”
Kakashi jolts awake.