Chapter Text
Context: MHA idea I've had for a while where Mina's quirk awakens during an incident in Mei Hatsume's lab. Basically Mina has a subquirk called "Bioflex" (Izuku came up with the name) where all of her cells can turn back into supercharged STEM cells, letting her regenerate from a lot of stuff and shapeshift a little bit!
"So you telling me that the pink bitch from 1-A is basically a T-1000 now?"
"Mmhmm-"
"Okay, I see, I see-"
Interviewee starts pouring everclear into a glass
"Oh I see what you doing, heh..."
Still going.
"Okay damn-"
Still going.
"Nigga chill!-"
Interviewee starts looking at full glass for a moment before drinking from the bottle instead.
"WOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?!??!?!-"
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"She scared me by shifting her face into what my grandma looks like! I'm a fucking loser!😭😭😭..."
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"DID YOU KNOW SHE CAN SHAPE-SHIFT NOW?!?!?!"
"No?!"
"NEITHER DID I!!!!!!😭"
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"I'm just trying to make a few bands off a bank job, I look up and I see a giant pink mallet over me... An- And then I realised what it's like to be a cartoon character!"
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"Louie cut off one of her arms and she just started cheesing like Gojo while it grew back, WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?!?!?!"
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Interviewee is standing in front of a whiteboard, with the word "Ow" on it.
"NIGGA ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?!?!?!"
"Yes, yes!-"
"So basically, if you hurt her..."
The interviewee crosses out "ow" with a pen.
"... No the fuck you didn't!"
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"MINA?! CAN YOU TAKE IT EASY ON ME?! NO, YOU GONNA TRY OUT A MOVE YOU SAW ON TV?!"
Interviewee starts crying.
"OKAY!!!!!😭..."
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"She could at least fucking take us seriously! There's a pink breakdancing ball of optimism while me and my crew are laid out all over the fuckin' place, broken bones, burns, crying- I can't fucking breathe!-"
The interviewee brings up two inhalers.
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"She pump-fakes, I block, I look up and that pink bitch is flying away with wings and Lenny in her claws! I ain't seen that nigga in two weeks!"
Interviewee starts looking around.
"LENNY! I'M SORRY!!!!!"
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"If she can fuck with people like Muscular... I-Wha- WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE GONNA DO TO ME?!?!"
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"I THOUGHT HER WHOLE THING WAS ACID AND NOW SHE STEALING MAHITO'S BAG, NIGGA I'M BOUTTA CRASH OUT!!!-"
"Sir SIT 'CHO ASS DOWN!"
">:("
"Thank you!"
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"I got beaten by someone disguised as ME! It's fuckin' embarrassing!-"
"Yeah I'm not gon' lie that's some hoe nigga activities..."
Interviewee pulls out a gun.
"I'm sorry-"
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"I wanna press charges!"
"But you're the criminal!"
"NIGGA, EXACTLY!!!!!!"
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"I mean now that you've healed you must be pretty bubbly-"
The interviewee grabs the interviewers shirt and slaps him.
"OW!-"
"We don't use that word around here."
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"She stretched that right hook back like Luffy and ENDED Lenny's face!"
"DAMN!"
"We still ain't found all the nigga's teeth!"
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"Those eyes... It's like staring into nothing but darkness!..."
"... Sir?"
"......."
"Sir?! SIR?!"
"AAUGJFJKGGJJGH!?!?!?!?!-"
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"I CUT HER IN HALF! WHY IS SHE NOT PANICKING?!"
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"You'd think you'd have to worry 'bout the niggas with super strength or the explosive crash-out... But no... It's Racoon-faced Hitler that gets you!"
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"I'd say she can do about... Half of what that nigga The Mask can do?"
Pfft.
"Okay so was that you or me?-"
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"She can't be THAT bad!"
"No, you don't understand, SHE ALMOST HIT LENNY WITH A MORTAL KOMBAT FINISHER!!!"
"Naaaaahhh?!"
"Nigga, YES!"
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"Y'know, with all the bullshit she can pull off, you almost forget about her main quirk until you start looking like Two-Face!"
"Nigga you good????"
Interviewee starts sobbing.
"I'm getting addicted to coinflips! Fuck that mean?!?!?!..."