Chapter Text
187 days earlier:
It was late afternoon in Sumeru City by the time that Kaveh returned from his trip. The golden sunlight streamed through the evergreen tree branches of the great tree as he marched up the ramp sluggishly. It wasn’t too hot, but the trip back home was long — he could really go for an ice cold glass of water right about now.
Kaveh unlocked the front door unceremoniously, sighing in relief as he stepped through the threshold. He had just gotten back from Port Ormos, where he had spent the weekend teaching an Architecture 101 class.
The children had bright minds, and their curiosity had been contagious - it wasn’t often he got to delve into the basics of architecture, let alone with young malleable minds. He felt oddly rejuvenated, and even though the trip home had been long and grueling, he felt a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that he hasn’t felt in a very long time.
“You look pleased with yourself.” Alhaitham’s deep voice rumbles, snapping Kaveh out of his thoughts. He immediately locks eyes with his vibrant teal, his gaze unwavering. Alhaitham leans against the doorframe in the hallway, arms crossed elegantly across his chest as he smirks.
“I am,” Kaveh says matter of factly, taking off his crimson scarf before hanging it on the coat rack nearby. He tries to ignore the way Alhaitham’s gaze continues to linger as he approaches him. “I just got done teaching a group of children in Port Ormos about the basics of Architecture. They had such a fascination with it, I was so surprised! I can’t wait to go back, I really think some of them have the potential to go on to the Akademiya if they really put their mind to it.”
Alhaitham raises a brow at him. “Hopefully they don’t follow in your footsteps when it comes to your drinking habits.”
“Hey! I'll have you know that my habits aren’t even bad anymore.” Kaveh exclaims as he waves his finger at him animatedly. Alhaitham snorts. "I really only drink a couple of times a month now, tops.” He pauses, eyes narrowing at the younger man before he huffs. “You of all people should know that.”
Alhaitham says nothing, eyes unusually soft as he lingers in the doorway. There’s a weird energy thrumming in the room, as the two lock eyes again.
Things between them recently have been less petty. Friendlier. Easy. They haven’t been having as many bitter shouting matches, lately they've mostly been just teasing each other and joking around.
Almost like they were actually friends again.
Kaveh hated that the old feelings for the silver haired man were resurfacing with the renewed companionship. He did his best to pack those feelings away tightly, not wanting to ruin what was progressing between the two of them. On days like today though, it was hard to ignore those locked away feelings.
“Okay, well, if you’ll excuse me—“ Kaveh clears his throat, averting his eyes and breaking the prolonged long stare off. He laughs nervously as he tries to side step around Alhaitham.
Alhaitham grabs his wrist gently, pulling him towards him. “Kaveh.”
Kaveh turns to look back up at him then, his gloved hand still gently holding his wrist. Alhaitham smiles down at him softly, eyes falling to his lips briefly. Kaveh tilts his head, as he lets out a shaky breath, waiting for whatever it is the man has to say.
“You...sound happy.” Alhaitham finally says quietly.
Kaveh smiles shyly at the realization as he stares up at his roommate. “I guess I am. I feel so… ah, well, invigorated after teaching. Like I have a higher purpose than just designing and building.”
Alhaitham smiles coyly before he leans in, whispering into the shell of his ear with a low teasing tone. “Maybe it’s time to admit that moving back in with me has been a good thing after all.” Kaveh's breath hitches and Alhaitham smirks before continuing. “You’ve always been a great teacher, senior.”
Kaveh shudders against the vibration of the deep voice in his ear. He needs to move away, and fast — before he does something stupid and ruins what they've been rebuilding.
Kaveh turns his head slightly, and god— Alhaitham was so close that he could clearly see where the sunset orange transitioned to teal in his jeweled eyes, count each dark individual lash, and see every fine hair in his silver eyebrows.
He really should look away, move—something but…
Alhaitham wasn’t looking away either, he realized. His pupils dilated slightly, as his teal eyes shifted downwards again.
Here they were, suspended in this moment, neither one of them daring to do anything more in fear of shattering everything.
Fuck, Kaveh really shouldn’t do it.
The way Alhaitham was looking at him though, softer than he had looked at him in years, a soft smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth; it made him think that maybe he did want something more from this conversation.
Fuck it.
He decided to let his reservations go, he closed his eyes and leaned in, pressing his lips against the corner of Alhaitham’s mouth gently.
He let his lips linger on the man's soft skin, for just an extra second or two, before pulling back.
Now Alhaitham's breath hitches as his eyes widen with surprise, a faint blush crawling up his cheeks. His fingers twitch at his side briefly, as if he was going to reach for him — but changed his mind at the last second.
Kaveh flutters his lashes at him, not unaffected either as a pink flush travels up his chest. It was just a kiss at the corner of the mouth, not a big deal, but fuck— Kaveh’s heart was racing from it.
“You’re right. Thank you. I wouldn’t have gotten that opportunity without your support.” Kaveh finally whispers huskily, letting a small smile spread across his face.
Alhaitham stares at the blonde, a flicker of emotion — wonder maybe, passing through his eyes before it disappears.
“I didn’t do anything.” Alhaitham finally murmurs slowly, eyes not leaving his. “Your talent and knowledge are what got you that opportunity, not your living situation.”
Kaveh tries not to gape at the compliment, but can’t help raising his brows in surprise before schooling his face into a more playful look.
“Well you have my gratitude anyway.” Kaveh huffs, before finally walking away. He looks over his shoulder as he enters the hallway.
“I’m going to wash up before dinner, and then maybe you can treat your senior to a meal after his long trek home.”
Alhaitham scoffs, shaking his head. “Fine. But you better not take too long in the shower. I’m getting hungry.”
“No promises!” Kaveh calls as he closes the bathroom door.
He slid down the other side of the door, finally exhaling shakily.
Did he really just kiss Alhaitham?! And eye fuck him in the living room?!
He fisted his hands through his hair in frustration. Fuck, he can’t do reckless things like that!
Alhaitham didn’t exactly argue against it, but he knew he couldn’t do something like that again. He also knew that there was no way Alhaitham felt the same way about him. It was impossible. The logical Acting Grand Sage of the Akademiya didn't have time for romance, and especially not with his burden of a roommate.
Kaveh had harbored these feelings since their Akademiya days, and has never gotten any confirmation that Alhaitham was even interested in pursuing him romantically, let alone pursuing anyone romantically.
He was more far gone then he originally realized, if just a small kiss on the corner of his mouth has him spiraling this way.
Kaveh was so screwed.
140 days earlier
A rare late night thunderstorm was blasting Sumeru City with thunder clapping every few seconds, bright flashes of lightning, and hail the size of golf balls. The wind was whipping the rain perpendicular to the stained glass windows, the fat droplets rattling loudly against the northern side of the house.
The power flickers off briefly once, twice and then finally cuts off completely as it drenches the house in darkness, only the lightning illuminating the shadows inside of the house every few seconds.
A few hours later, Kaveh walks out of his room, rubbing his eyes as he makes his way to the living room. Alhaitham was sitting on the divan reading a book, a blanket draped over his lap as he was bathed in soft golden candlelight. It made the living room feel dangerously romantic with all of the candles scattered on the side tables.
“It’s cold.” Kaveh grumbles sleepily, sitting down next to him on the divan.
Alhaitham’s lip twitches up as his eyes scan the page he was on. “The storm isn’t set to pass for another few hours. Just grab some extra blankets.”
Kaveh grumbles, rubbing his eyes. “I tried that, but it didn't work.”
Alhaitham moves his book to his other hand, moving the blanket he had covering his legs.
“Fine. Come here, then." Alhaitham opens his arm nonchalantly, holding the blanket up.
Kaveh blinks at him slowly before he drowsily makes his way over to lay against Alhaitham, wrapping his arm around his firm waist as he rests his head against his chest.
Alhaitham curls his arm around his upper back, pressing him closer as he adjusts the blanket around the two of them. He tugs the blanket over Kaveh, making sure he's completely covered before he wraps his arm back around him.
“Mmm, you’re so warm.” Kaveh murmurs.
Alhaitham looks down at him then, captivated by his half lidded crimson eyes staring back up at him.
After their kiss in the doorway, he had vowed to himself that he would make a move if there was another opportunity.
Speaking of that day in the entryway, Alhaitham wondered if there might be something romantic there on Kaveh’s end. He knows he needs to test that theory as soon as he gets another chance.
He closes the forgotten book in his hand, letting it fall out of his hand on the floor, startling Kaveh.
“Ugh, you better pick that up later. Your books don’t deserve the abuse you put them through.” Kaveh mutters.
Alhaitham rolls his eyes before he curls his hand gently under Kaveh’s chin, tilting it up.
“Maybe later.” Alhaitham whispers as he gently traces his cheek with his thumb.
The tension swirls around them again as Kaveh freezes, both once again unsure what would be considered too far.
“Have you tried that new red from Lambad’s?” Alhaitham asks brusquely, eyes not leaving his.
Kaveh cleared his throat, averting his eyes to the half empty bottle behind Alhaitham. He's using anything at this point as a distraction from kissing those plush lips. “No, is it any good?” He asks, voice rough.
Alhaitham shifted, grabbing the half empty bottle from the side table. “I found it enjoyable. Do you want some?”
“Drinking on a worknight? Not very responsible of you, Acting Grand Sage.” Kaveh teased, a sly smile on his lips.
Alhaithm’s lip twitched up. “ I know my limits, unlike some people.” He smirks, amused, as he stares down at the now furious look in Kaveh’s eyes. “Do you want some or not?”
Kaveh rolled his eyes, but sheepishly grinned. “Yeah, fine, at least give me a taste.”
Alhaitham opened up the bottle, and gripped his chin a little rougher. “Open.”
Kaveh’s breath hitched, but he obeyed, parting his lips delicately so he wasn't just sitting there with his jaw wide open.
Alhaitham's pupils dilated at the sight as he tilted the bottle slowly, releasing a small gentle stream of burgundy wine into his mouth. His grip on the bottle tightened as he watched the wine slide effortlessly down Kaveh’s throat.
After drinking about a quarter of what was left, Alhaitham started to lift the bottle of wine , but Kaveh firmly grabbed his wrist, forcing him to tilt it back towards him. Their eyes lock.
Kaveh held his gaze as he drained the rest of the bottles contents, not daring to look away. Alhaitham felt a low heat coil in his stomach at the sight.
Alhaitham gently pulled away and placed the bottle back on the side table. The energy between them was electric, as Kaveh softly gasped for breath. He gently wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Alhaitham is the one that breaks the silence.
"Well, what did you think of it?”
“Other than it being too warm, I thought it was delicious.” Kaveh admitted. He was already feeling a bit dizzy from drinking so much so fast. He leaned back against Alhaitham's shoulder, who gently squeezed him to his side.
"Hm." Alhaitham hummed, a small satisfied smile crossing his face.
They sat together for a while in silence after that, watching the lightning flash behind the stained glass windows. The golden candlelight bounced off the walls as the flames flickered, making the living room feel oddly intimate. The thunder continued to roar overhead, the rain pattering against the windows. Alhaitham turned his head to look at Kaveh, his own buzzed mind slower as he let himself stare at the blonde again, who was already looking up at him.
The kiss from the doorway comes back into his mind again —how softly Kaveh had looked at him afterwards, his true smile, not the fake architect one he used for his clients— lighting up the room. No look of remorse or regret either, just genuine happiness after.
Alhaitham’s eyes fell to his lips, wine stained and slightly parted. Kaveh’s maroon eyes travel down his angular face, mirroring the same path.
Alhaitham is the one to lean in, lips meeting gently, as he molds them into his mouth methodically. He half expects Kaveh to push him off and run back to his room almost immediately, but to his surprise and delight—instead, he leans into it just as eagerly. He tangles a hand in his silver hair, tearing a small groan out of his throat.
Kaveh softly gasps as Alhaitham pulls him tighter against his chest, his brain dizzy with want as the kiss becomes messier and needier, hands gripping onto each other's shirts roughly. The blanket falls off of Kaveh's shoulders, now sitting uselessly at their laps.
The kiss wasn’t gentle like last time, it was downright lethal. Their shared breath was warm and erratic as they each fought for dominance. Alhaitham feels his heart flutter as they continue to press against each other, he curls his arm around his low back, and Kaveh claws his long nails against his scalp.
“Kaveh…” Alhaitham murmurs against his lips. Kaveh hums lowly in return, pressing his lips against his harder. Alhaitham rips his hands through his blonde hair, fingers tugging at the long strands gently. Alhaitham angles his head to deepen the kiss, his hand trailing down to rest at his hip as they continue to mirror each other's movements.
Kaveh’s brain goes hazy as their mouths continue to slide together. The kiss gets messy, as Kaveh dares to slide his tongue into his mouth, his hand sliding from his hair before grabbing the back of his neck. Alhaitham digs his nails into his hip in response, gripping on to him as he lets his tongue dance in return around Kaveh’s.
Suddenly, the thrum of the power whirs back on, all the lamps flicker back on at once illuminating the room, breaking the spell. Kaveh gasps in surprise, his eyes flying open as he roughly pushes Alhaitham away.
Alhaitham stayed eerily still, blinking erratically as his eyes adjusted to the lights. He exhaled heavily, his pulse was hammering in his ears.
Kaveh stands up a little too quickly.
“Ha. Well. What a way to pass the time!” Kaveh laughs brittely, a little too loud and forced. “That definitely warmed me up. Thanks for that. I’m gonna head to bed now.”
Alhaitham stares up at him with confusion, but the blonde is unwilling to meet his eyes. His face is flushed, and the expression on his face is oddly neutral.
“Okay. Goodnight then.” Alhaitham finally says, voice rough. He sits there, frozen as Kaveh walks quickly to his room, slamming the door.
Alhaitham shakes his head in disbelief. Kaveh might as well have just fist bumped him and called him bro.
He blows out the candles before turning off the lights, heading to his bedroom. As he passes Kaveh’s room, he sees that the lights are still on.
Alhaitham lays there wide awake, wondering (hoping) if he’d hear a knock at his door.
Kaveh trembles in his bed, tracing his lips over and over again with his fingers, still tasting Alhaitham and the wine on his lips.
He was going to ruin everything, Kaveh realized. He couldn't kiss him like that and not feel something. All of those feelings he's been pushing away were turning into something uncontrollable, and he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to pretend that he didn't feel them.
They don't talk about the kiss again. Kaveh avoids Alhaitham for the next week, eventually apologizing and telling him that the reason for his absence all week was because he was swamped with work.
Alhaitham pretends it doesn't hurt.
118 days earlier
Kaveh had been spending a lot more time at the bar recently, trying to deal with his intense workload, as well as the complicated feelings that were beginning to develop and in turn, become unbearable for his roommate.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the makeout session on the divan from the night that typhoon blew through the city. Neither one of them had mentioned it since it happened, but things had basically gone back to normal after that awkward week of avoiding Alhaitham.
It was getting harder and harder for him to manage his feelings for Alhaitham though. He didn’t want to destroy the friendship he just got back, especially when things had been so good between them. He honestly didn’t think he could survive losing Alhaitham again.
Better to have him as a friend, then to not have him at all. Since Alhaitham hadn’t mentioned anything, he was left with no other option but to assume he didn’t want anything romantic with him.
So he went back to his old coping mechanism: drinking his sorrows away.
Kaveh unlocks the door after almost scratching the wood off from trying to fit the key in the lock, and stumbles into the living room.
Of course, there Alhaitham was sitting on the divan like a marble statue in one of his ridiculous see through shirts. He had a glass of wine in one hand, and a book in the other, the picture of unbothered.
Kaveh wanted to scream. Instead, he tosses his keys haphazardly onto the coffee table out of frustration before plopping down next to Alhaitham on one of the divans.
Alhaitham grimaces, setting his wine glass down on the side table. “You reek."
“Well, sorry, we can’t all smell like leather and parchment all the time.” Kaveh snaps as he kicks off his shoes.
Alhaitham’s lip quirks up in amusement, stifling a laugh. “What has you so worked up? It’s been awhile since you’ve drank this much.”
You, Kaveh wants to say.
“Just work.” Kaveh says instead, trying to sound nonchalant.
Alhaitham sighs, shaking his head before turning to him. “I don’t know why you even entertain the ridiculous requests some of your clients try to give you.” He pauses, setting his book down. He takes Kaveh's hand in his before continuing. Kaveh stiffens but doesn’t pull away as Alhaitham gently traces the top of his knuckles with his thumb. “Kaveh. Look at me," Alhaitham's eyes pierce into his. "You’re infamous now in Sumeru, and talented enough to stand your ground without it ruining your carefully curated reputation. Just tell them no.”
Kaveh stares at him stunned, cheeks dusted with pink.
“You think that I’m talented?” Kaveh whispers in disbelief.
“Of course I do.” Alhaitham shrugs. “I’ve always thought that. So does the rest of the nation.”
Out of all of the things Alhaitham could have said, the last thing he expected tonight was a genuine compliment. Especially from him, and about his work too, and god—he apparently has always thought he was talented?
Their eyes meet, Kaveh’s shining while Alhaitham’s were oddly soft. Kaveh leans forward then, closing the distance between them as he presses his lips against the former scribes.
Alhaitham gasps in surprise before he quickly pulls away, trying to push him off. “Stop. You’re drunk, you don’t want this.”
Kaveh grabs the back of his neck, pulling him close again. His fierce ruby eyes bore into his widened teal irises. “Yes I do, now shut up and let me kiss you.”
Alhaitham’s breath catches in his throat as Kaveh smashes his lips against him again, this time more needy and desperate. Kaveh leans over him, his hands shaking as they clutch at his shirt, slotting his lips against his.
Alhaitham was reeling as his back hit the cushions—he knows he should stop him. Kaveh was drunk for fucks sake, and completely vulnerable.
Fuck, he has to stop him.
But the weight of Kaveh almost fully on top of him, the smell of his citrus shampoo, the taste of his lips— all of it was intoxicating. He’s been craving this since their last kiss. He curled an arm around him as he kisses back hesitantly. He felt so warm against him, so right.
Stop him, the rational voice in Alhaitham's head screams.
Kaveh moves from his lips to his cheek, then to his throat, before sucking softly.
“No marks.” Alhaitham warns, breathless as he squeezes Kaveh closer. He wasn’t his to mark. But Alhaitham's actions were contradicting themselves.
Kaveh growls, but moves away, kissing back up his neck, delicately across his jaw, and finally back to his lips. Kaveh ground his hips down sensually against him then, kissing him deeper as he fully settled on top of him, legs bracketing his hips.
Alhaitham moans into his mouth as he wraps his arms tighter around his waist, bodies now completely flush against each other. The only noise in the room is the sound of their mouths meeting.
Alhaitham really needs to stop this. It was terrifying how quickly they were moving.
What if Kaveh didn’t actually want this, or remember this in the morning? What if it was just another way to ‘ease the boredom’ as he said last time?
“Stop,” Alhaitham commands, sitting them both up in the process. He presses a hand gently to his chest, eyebrows furrowing as he creates distance between them. “Not like this.”
Kaveh scoots back, clarity returning to his eyes briefly as they widen. “R-right. I’m sorry.” Kaveh averts his eyes then, something like remorse filling them. “Shit, I’m gonna go.”
"Kaveh-"
The blonde gets up, avoiding Alhaitham’s worried gaze, and hurries to his room before slamming the door. The sound echoes loudly throughout the house.
Alhaitham puts his face in his hands, groaning before throwing his head back in frustration. He sits there, disassociating, as he stares at the spot Kaveh was just sitting in.
He sighs heavily, chest hurting from the ache of wanting something so badly, something he most likely wouldn’t ever be able to have. Kaveh didn't want him. It wasn't illogical to believe that. He only kisses him when drunk, and he even told him it was to just pass the time the last time it happened.
Should he just be honest with him and take the risk? Risk losing him if the feelings aren't reciprocated?
He wasn’t going to figure it out tonight, he decided. Alhaitham stood up, turned off the lights and went to his room.
What the fuck was happening between the two of them?
First there was that kiss in the doorway, then the makeout session the night the power went out. Every time this happened, the moment snapped before they could actually discuss it.
How many more times could they pretend these moments don’t mean anything?
To Alhaitham, they meant everything. But at this point, he didn’t know how Kaveh felt.
——-
The next morning, Kaveh walks out of his room meekly, sticking his head out around the corner, blonde hair pristinely put together and makeup intact. As if last night never happened.
“You’re awake.” Alhaitham states cooly from the kitchen, scrambling some eggs.
“Uh, yeah, hi.” Kaveh babbles nervously, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind his ear before making his way to the kitchen table.
“I made you some eggs. Coffee’s on the counter.” Alhaitham responds, not turning around to look at him.
“Thanks,” Kaveh says, eyes darting around nervously. “Listen, about last night...”
Alhaitham's jaw ticks before he turns off the stove, turning to face Kaveh. The blonde looks oddly nervous. He keeps his face carefully neutral, as he waits for him to continue.
“Um, right… I’m sorry for kissing you,” Kaveh says as he looks anywhere but at Alhaitham, fidgeting with his nails. “I get really touchy when I drink. It didn’t mean anything, I just got carried away, haha.”
Alhaitham says nothing, as he raises a brow in disbelief. Kaveh gulps as their eyes briefly meet and clutches nervously at his scarf before he continues.
“It was just a makeout session, I mean, I’ve literally made out with Tighnari plenty of times when I’ve had too much to drink,” Kaveh pauses, letting his eyes meet Alhaitham’s again. They were currently boring into his, unamused. “Uh. Are we good?” Kaveh asks shakily, cocking his head.
If that was how Kaveh kissed Tighnari, then he was going to have to have a talk with the forest ranger.
Alhaitham’s jaw ticks again before he can stop it. He tries to steel his face back into neutrality before Kaveh can catch it.
“We’re good.” Alhaitham finally says, trying to keep the disbelief out of his voice.
“Great!” Kaveh exclaims, shoulders sagging in relief. “Well, I have to be off now, but I’ll see you later.” He pauses as he looks down at the pile of books by the divan, narrowing his eyes. “Hey. Don’t forget to bring those books back to the Akademiya.”
“You’re not going to eat?” Alhaitham questions. He watches the blonde halt by the front door.
“Oh, that's right! Shoot, can you throw those eggs in a pita for me so I can take it to go?” Kaveh asks. “Shit, Mehrak!” He spins frantically as he runs to his room to grab his briefcase.
“Fine.” Alhaitham grumbles.
Alhaitham hastily shoves the cooked eggs into a pita for him, wrapping it up and passing it to him when he returns to the kitchen. Their hands brush briefly, making Kaveh jump. He rushes to the front door quickly.
“Bye! I’ll see you later. I shouldn’t be home too late.” Kaveh smiles over his shoulder at him, a little too forced before walking out the door.
Alhaitham nods, lips pressed in a thin line as he watches the door close.
He didn’t realize how domestic his life had become until this moment. The coffee in the mornings, the discussions about work, packing each other's food to go…
If this was all he could have with Kaveh, would it be enough?
Alhaitham wasn’t sure anymore.
96 days earlier
"I say, it's time for a vacation. A client of mine was telling me about a new resort that opened up in Natlan," Kaveh says excitedly as he nibbles on some samosas. They were currently at Lambads with Tighnari and Cyno, having a much needed game night. "They told me that they let you paint the town's buildings! Wherever you want and whichever colors you want!"
Alhaitham snorts. "Sounds like they're just exploiting tourists."
Kaveh glares at him. "Of course you wouldn't understand an artistic outlet if it bit you in the ass. Some people find painting soothing."
"Some people can also actually afford to go on a vacation. You're speaking about this resort as if you're going to book a trip immediately." Alhaitham shoots back, shuffling his deck of cards.
"I'll have you know that I actually can afford to go on vacation, thank you very much." Kaveh shoots daggers at him with his eyes, before taking another sip of wine.
Alhaitham crosses his arms in amusement. "Then why are all of your drinks still on my tab?"
"Fine, I'll buy you a ticket to the resort as well. That should make us even. If you wanted to go on vacation with me so badly, you could've just asked." Kaveh's eyes narrowed, but a playful smile decorated his face.
"Alhaitham just wants to see you in a bathing suit." Tighnari mutters, a small smirk on his face.
Both Kaveh and Alhaitham flush at that. Kaveh glares across the table at Tighnari but says nothing.
"For the record, I've seen Kaveh in a bathing suit." Alhaitham mumbles, not meeting anyone's eyes. His cheeks are still tinted pink.
"So you don't want to go to Natlan with him? Suit yourself then." Cyno smiles widely. Kaveh stares blankly at him, while Tighnari groans. "Get it? Because we're talking about bathing suits—"
"Unfortunately, we get it." Tighnari facepalms.
Alhaitham's lip quivers slightly. That was actually a clever play on words. He's mad at himself that he actually finds it funny, but he knows if Cyno sees him laugh he won't stop making jokes for the rest of the evening.
"I'll be back," Kaveh leans over and whispers in Alhaitham's ear. He clenches the card tighter in his hand but nods, sharing a brief look before Kaveh gets up from the booth. Tighnari raises a brow and waits for Kaveh to be out of sight before he smiles smugly.
So," Tighnari narrowed his eyes at Alhaitham. "What's going on between you and Kaveh?"
Alhaitham leans back in the booth, feeling his spine meet the hard wood. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Tighnari scoffed. "Don't act all aloof with me," Tighnari takes a sip of his wine before raising a brow, eyes boring into Alhaitham's. "Something happened, I can tell."
"Tell me, what exactly is that 'something' that you think might have happened?" Alhaitham shot back cooly. He raised his own glass to his lips, meeting Tighnari's gaze.
Tighnari smiles sweetly as he leans forward. "You've kissed."
Alhaitham's lip twitches, betraying him. "Bold assumption to make." He tries.
"Can you confirm or deny?" Cyno perks up as he organizes his cards neatly.
"It was a meaningless distraction, nothing more." Alhaitham responds curtly. Cyno's eyes widened.
"Ouch. That's a bit harsh don't you think?" Tighnari winces.
Yes, Alhaitham did think that it was harsh. It was basically what Kaveh had said to him after the last time they kissed.
He said nothing though, instead focusing on organizing his own deck of cards.
"What if it wasn't just a meaningless distraction?"
Alhaitham looks back up, meeting Tighnari's determined gaze. He seemed slightly distracted, his eyes kept darting back and forth before finally resting on him.
"You should ask him, and see what he says." Alhaitham retorts.
Tighnari raises a brow. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"
"I already know the answer to that question. I'm convenient. Nothing more," Alhaitham stares at Tighnari as his brows furrow with concern. "Besides, I refuse to mistake proximity for intimacy."
Cyno gazes at him levelly. "You aren't mistaking anything. You're into him. We think he's into you too."
Alhaitham glares at him before taking another long sip of his wine. "I'm not, and he's definitely not. And I refuse to push myself onto someone who has absolutely no interest whatsoever." Cyno crosses his arms over his chest, huffing with frustration. "Besides, we're both just reading into it too much. We live together because it's practical, not because there's feelings between us."
"But—" Tighnari protests, shooting his hand up before stopping it in midair.
"Ah, finally, the line at the bathroom was so long." Kaveh whines as he plops down dramatically next to Alhaitham, adjusting his hair before he stares blankly at the other three men, currently silent. "Uh, What did I miss?"
Tighnari shoots Alhairham a threatening look, a warning really. Apparently it wasn’t the time or place to discuss their interrogation.
"Nothing important," Alhaitham says, scooting over further. Kaveh doesn't get the hint, and moves with him so that their thighs are touching underneath the table. "Are you finally ready or do you need to fix your makeup next?"
Kaveh stomps on his foot underneath the table before huffing. "I'm more than ready to beat your ass again at this game. I swear it's like you didn't even try to get any worthwhile cards for your deck."
Alhaitham snorts, "All that talk, and you've only beaten me one time."
"You! Ugh, you're so annoying!" Kaveh yells, before shuffling through his cards quickly. "I'll beat you again, and next time you'll have to make me dinner for a month!"
"Tch, and if I win, you have to stop adding your drinks to my tab for a month." Alhaitham shoots back.
"Fine, but you can't stop me from drinking at home!"
Alhaitham smirks. "I wouldn't dream of it."
Kaveh giggles then, a small flush warming his cheeks as he finally sets his chosen cards face down on the table.
"Get a room." Tighnari mutters.
-----
Kaveh over drank yet again. Meanwhile, Alhaitham had only had one glass of wine.
So, per usual, Alhaitham had to drag him home.
Alhaitham grunted as he hoisted Kaveh up by his armpit outside the tavern. The night was unusually hot and humid for spring, but the streets were quiet. Thank the archons, Alhaitham really didn’t want to hear drunken complaints about potentially being seen going into their shared home.
Kaveh had been drinking a lot more lately, he realized. But it had been quite awhile since he’s been this drunk.
“Can you walk at all?” Alhaitham groans, sweat beading on his forehead as he drags Kaveh’s half limp body through the streets.
“Ugh, everything’s spinning.” Kaveh slurs, nuzzling into his ear. Alhaitham feels his cheeks flush. He wasn’t sure if it was the unusual hot spring night or their proximity.
“What would you do without me?” Alhaitham mutters, rolling his eyes, a small smile on his face.
They finally made it to the front door. Kaveh sways in Alhaitham's arms, as he pulls out his key and unlocks the door expertly with one hand. Alhaitham drags the lean man inside, closing the door behind him with his foot.
Kaveh grips on to the wall trying to regain his balance as Alhaitham takes off his cape, hanging it on the coat rack nearby.
“Are you just going to stand in the doorway all night?” Alhaitham quips, raising a brow.
“I can do what I want.” Kaveh snaps, but with less of a sting than normal. “Don’t lecture me.”
Alhaitham rolls his eyes, turning to grab his hand. “Come on, you need your beauty sleep.”
“No.” Kaveh shook his head defiantly. Alhaitham brows crease with confusion.
“Come on, you have a busy week ahead of you. You were complaining about it all night. You need to rest—“
Kaveh tugs firmly on his hand, stepping forward sloppily, pressing his lips against Alhaitham’s.
Okay, so this was one of those nights, Alhaitham realizes as his eyes flutter closed. No matter how many times this has happened now, Alhaitham finds himself utterly helpless against the blonde.
Kaveh wraps his arms around his neck, whining softly into his mouth. Both of them are drenched in sweat from the humidity outside, but neither seem to care as their lips slot messily against each other.
“Why haven’t you made me yours?” Kaveh asks, pausing as he breathes raggedly against his lips. Alhaitham stares down at him then in disbelief, the blonde's half lidded vermillion eyes shining.
Because you never confess your feelings to me when you’re sober, Alhaitham thinks.
If you even have feelings for me…he finishes that thought bitterly.
Because you don’t actually want a relationship with me.
“Kaveh—“ Alhaitham starts, trying to gently pry away from him.
“Shhh.” Kaveh hushes him before closing the distance again. He slips his tongue into Alhaitham’s mouth and he forgets how to breathe. He wants more.
Alhaitham forgets that he’s supposed to be fighting this, and instead tangles his hands in Kaveh’s hair, spinning him around and pushing him against the front door roughly. Kaveh moans into his mouth as he sags clumsily against the wooden door.
Their bodies press against each other as the wet sounds of their lips grow louder, their kissing becoming more desperate. Kaveh smells like blooming jasmine and citrus, he was wearing a new cologne tonight and it’s intoxicating.
Alhaitham could drown in the taste of him, with that expensive wine (that he bought) still coating Kaveh’s tongue. He grips onto his waist and slides his knee in between his legs, kissing him deeper.
“Yes,” Kaveh moans against him, throwing his head back against the wall as he arches his back. “Just like that.”
Alhaitham freezes. He can't just take advantage of him when he's intoxicated. Again. Both of them were panting heavily against each other. Kaveh was a mess, hair frizzy in the back from being thrown into the door, while Alhaitham’s rationality was hanging on by a single thread. He pulls away slightly, making Kaveh tilt his head in confusion.
But...People had drunk one night stands all the time. Would it really be so terrible to give Kaveh what he wants? He stares down into his carmine doe eyes, as Kaveh licks his lips.
God even like this, he was captivating. Alhaitham gulps as he watches him wet his pink lips. No wonder people couldn’t resist Kaveh.
Kaveh, his roommate, his desire— even if the blonde didn’t know that yet. He couldn’t have a one night stand with him. He was too emotionally entangled at this point.
No, he can’t give into this. What they were doing right now wasn’t real. They’ve done this too many times now; Kaveh will kiss him and then inevitably apologize and avoid him for a week.
Or he’ll kiss him in the doorway and never speak of it again. Or make out with him in the living room during a power outage.
They’ve been kissing a lot lately.
But yet nothing ever came of it.
The obvious conclusion in Alhaitham's mind was that Kaveh didn’t want anything real with him. As amazing as his lips feel against his, Kaveh didn’t want him in the way Alhaitham wanted him, otherwise things would be different by now.
He gently pushes Kaveh off of him.
He shakes his head bitterly.
He’s just drunk. This wasn't real.
“I’m going to bed.” Alhaitham says suddenly, turning his back on him. It never got easier, but it would hurt so much more to go further just to be thrown away the next morning.
He leaves Kaveh in the entryway, confused.
——
Kaveh stumbles into his room, half hard, and still incredibly inebriated before slamming the door in frustration.
Why does he always stop before it goes anywhere, Kaveh thought angrily. He pulls his pants down haphazardly, spitting on his hand before gripping his cock roughly trying to relieve the pressure.
Kaveh had drunk way too much tonight. He couldn’t help it though, being squeezed tightly into that booth at Lambad’s next to Alhaitham, eyes catching each other every so often.
Alhaitham’s gaze resting for far too long on his face as they played cards with their friends.
Their hands brushing and lingering a bit too long as they passed the dice.
So, to give himself courage to do something about all of that, he decided to drink.
However, to his frustration, it never ends up going anywhere. Alhaitham never tells him how he feels the next morning, and then it becomes awkward.
But right now, he doesn’t have the capacity to care about that.
Right now, he needs to relieve his current, very hard problem.
He imagines Alhaitham’s calloused hand wrapping around his length, squeezing firmly as he slides up and down, smearing the precum all over his cock.
He knows he would take his time just to spite him, slowly working up and around the shaft.
Archons, Kaveh thinks, throwing his head back already dazed.
He wanted Alhaitham so bad.
“Oh, do you like that?” He imagines Alhaitham’s coy smile as he stares at him, slowly but roughly handling his member.
He can picture his teal eyes dancing as he watches him, his hot breath tickling his skin as he continues to whisper dirty things in his ear…
“Fuck, Haitham-“ Kaveh moans, his climax hitting him much sooner than he anticipated, cum splattering all over his hand.
Alhaitham’s eyes flew open in shock from his bedroom, his chest heaving.
No, surely he was just hearing things.
Kaveh definitely did not just moan his name.
“Alhaitham…” Kaveh moans again, pleading, desperate.
Heat coiled in his stomach.
“Fuck.” Alhaitham hisses, hearing Kaveh lose himself to his name. He bolts up on the edge of his bed, gripping onto the sheets for dear life.
Part of him wants to storm down the hallway and demand to know what the hell they are.
The larger part of him was now fantasizing about Kaveh coming apart underneath him, blonde hair fanned around his face, lips pink from kissing, as he hears his name for a third time, softer.
“Fuck.” Alhaitham repeats, pained. He feels his cock spring to life against his pants.
He squeezes his eyes shut in agony, for the first time unsure of what to do.
Alhaitham has had feelings for Kaveh for years, but after their fight in the Akademiya…
They hadn’t seen each other for seven years until that fateful night at the tavern, where Kaveh was so drunk he confessed everything to him.
That Alhaitham had been right, that his idealism had led to the naive belief that his career would take off without a hitch.
That it was naive to believe art and expression were all that mattered, that everything would work out fine in the end because he was a good person.
Instead, Kaveh had no choice but to sacrifice everything to rebuild his magnum opus and then, he had nothing.
Then he was found so broken that Alhaitham couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t bring the light back into his eyes.
That was a few years ago now.
But he was patient with Kaveh, giving him his space but still teasing him every now and then.
Bringing home meals, making sure the fridge was stocked. Letting him pound away at whatever model he was working on next at 2 in the morning.
It had taken Kaveh awhile, but over the first few months of them living together again, his happiness was slowly starting to return.
Alhaitham doubted that Kaveh would ever be the same overly optimistic person that he was in the Akademiya, completely blind to the reality of working in the arts, but he wasn’t the shell of a man that he found in the Tavern either.
Soon, they were back to their normal arguments about altruism and logic, and now that’s slowly evolved into… well. Whatever this was.
So with all of that, he didn’t want to risk ruining the (still) fragile relationship they were rebuilding. One wrong move and he felt like it could all fall apart.
He was so afraid what they were working on rebuilding would shatter all over again.
He sighs heavily, as he hears another moan and pulls down his pants. His cock springs to life, and he hisses as he closes his fist around it.
He felt disgusting for getting off on his drunk roommate's moans.
What the hell is wrong with him?
He knows that if he doesn't do this, he'll be too tempted to go rip Kaveh's door off the hinges. To completely ruin everything. He needs to take the edge off somehow.
Kaveh lets out another series of low moans and Alhaitham runs his hand down his cock quicker, brows furrowing. He pants quietly, and then he hears his name again, causing him to hurdle over the edge. His eyes roll back as he clasps a hand to his mouth, muffling his moans as his release sprays his other palm.
——
When Kaveh awoke the next day, the sun was high in the sky. It was streaming in turquoise and greens through the stained glass window in his bedroom, the tropical hues dancing across his face.
“Ugh,” Kaveh mutters, throwing his arm dramatically over his eyes. Too bright, he thought. His head felt like he had cracked it open like an egg.
Then he remembered last night's events.
He had kissed Alhaitham. Again.
He shot up out of bed, eyes wide.
Oh god, Kaveh thought mortified as his hands shook.
Things with Alhaitham have been going well lately, other than the drunken kissing that they never talked about.
Kaveh didn’t think there was anyone on the planet who knew him better. They mirrored each other almost perfectly in every way.
He sighed heavily, throwing his head back.
He supposed he had to face this sooner or later.
Kaveh got up and got dressed slowly, taking his time as he changed into black sweats and a baggy white t-shirt, hands shaking as he rearranged his blonde hair into a ponytail.
As soon as Kaveh left his room, he felt the thick tension hit him like a wall. Alhaitham glances up and meets his eyes as he enters the living room, a cup of espresso steaming on the coffee table. He was sitting on the divan with his leg draped over his knee, book in his lap.
“It’s three o’clock.” Alhaitham comments, sharp gaze resting on him longer than usual before he looks back down at his book.
Kaveh rolls his eyes and plops down next to him. “I see that you still have the ability to tell time.”
Alhaitham’s eyes narrow. “I wasn’t the one who drank half of my weight in imported wine last night. My cognitive functions wouldn't've suffered. Yours however…”
Kaveh’s eyes meet the younger man's then, burning with tension and something unreadable, despite the light teasing tone. He clears his throat, averting his gaze.
“Speaking of suffering cognition, I wanted to talk about what happened last night—“ Kaveh started nervously.
“I’m not interested in speaking about that.” Alhaitham retorts coldly. He snaps his book closed and stands up abruptly.
“Of course not. Why would we talk about it? That would actually require vulnerability.” Kaveh quips back bitterly, crossing his arms.
Alhaitham whips his head towards Kaveh sharply. "So be vulnerable then."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"It means," Alhaitham strides towards him. "That I'm not interested in watching you continue to self-destruct." Kaveh gulps as Alhaitham's gaze softens. "What happened, Kaveh? Why are you drinking so much again?"
Kaveh stiffened. "Work has been stressful-"
"Liar." Alhaitham hisses.
Kaveh glares back at him. "I'm not lying!"
"I have no interest in participating in yet another samasara cycle, Kaveh. So, tell me why you're drinking so much."
Kaveh stammers. "I-It's not that simple! It can't be explained in black and white terms."
"Then answer this: why do you keep kissing me every time you drink?" Alhaitham presses, voice dark.
"I already told you, I get touchy when I drink!" Kaveh insisted.
Alhaitham's lip curls up devilishly, like he caught Kaveh. He gulps as Alhaitham moves closer. They're almost standing chest to chest. "And when you asked me to make me yours last night?"
Kaveh's back hits the wall just then, as he stares up into Alhaitham's eyes, panicked.
"I said that?" Kaveh whispers hoarsely.
"Yeah, you said that." Alhaitham deadpans, gaze falling to his lips. "So tell me, what exactly did you mean by that?"
Kaveh can feel his breath fanning against his face. But he knows he can't tell him how he truly feels, any feelings that are there will be forever unrequited.
He can't risk breaking his own heart, and turning his life upside down in the process.
He forces a smirk across his face before clearing his throat. "Well, since you're so persistent. I guess I have no choice but to confess."
Alhaitham's breath hitches. Was it really going to be that easy? That was all it took? Alhaitham would really have to tease him about this all later.
"It's just lust. Haven't you ever been attracted to someone physically?"
As soon as the sentence leaves Kaveh's lips, he regrets it. Something pained crackles across Alhaitham's face, as his lips twist into a deep frown before he clears his throat and nods in understanding. Kaveh stares up at him confused, not understanding why he looked so…troubled.
"It's just casual kissing," Kaveh tries again, voice cracking with desperation. "Me and Tighnari—"
"Do it all the time," Alhaitham finishes, voice empty. "I'm well aware."
Kaveh tilts his head in confusion as Alhaitham backs away from him.
It was just casual. The words echo around Alhaitham's brain like a ping pong ball. Kaveh felt nothing for him after all. His chest tightened in realization.
Kaveh pales, hope seizing his chest. His chest tightened with anticipation. "I thought it was casual kissing. Correct me if I'm wrong—"
"You're not wrong." Alhaitham snaps coldly.
Kaveh's stomach twists violently at the blatant rejection.
"I see. I'm glad that I didn't misread anything then." Kaveh responds dejectedly.
"What is there to misread if it's all casual?" Alhaitham challenges.
"Nothing, I guess." Kaveh responds bitterly.
"So, if kissing me is so casual, why does it only happen when you're drunk?" Alhaitham dares to ask.
"Sometimes we all need a bit of liquid courage. Not all of us organize our feelings into tight little boxes." Kaveh argues.
Alhaitham chuckles darkly. "You're unbelievable. So you're just an alcoholic. Get a therapist."
"Excuse me?!" Kaveh exclaims before scowling. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Kiss me." Alhaitham blurts out, his sharp teal eyes pinning Kaveh to the wall. Kaveh freezes.
"Have you completely lost your fucking mind?" Kaveh shouts. "You tell me to get a therapist and now you want me to kiss–"
"It's just casual," Alhaitham interrupts before raising a brow. "Right? So kiss me sober, and prove it to me."
Kaveh glares at him, before shaking his head and marching up to him. Alhaitham gulps as Kaveh approaches him, his crimson eyes glowering. He slowly presses himself against him, and wraps his arms around Alhaitham's neck, before leaning in. Alhaitham's chest rises unevenly as he stares down at the blonde mesmerized, waiting for him to close the distance.
At the last second, Kaveh leans away towards his ear and whispers. "I'd sooner get a therapist before ever kissing you sober."
Rejection flashes across Alhaitham's face before he harshly pulls away. His throat is dry as he creates distance between them. Kaveh crosses his arms as he stares at Alhaitham angrily, waiting for him to say something.
"I'm done pretending those nights are charming or harmless, because they aren't." Alhaitham finally spat, voice rough.
"You've never once acted like you've cared! How was I supposed to know that I was crossing a line, when you so willingly kissed me back everytime? And then said nothing at the end of it all!" Kaveh's voice raises.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Alhaitham turns away.
Kaveh's blood was boiling at this point, as he followed Alhaitham through the living room. "Do you really think I want to feel this way for you? It’s a complete fucking nightmare! You have the audacity to bottle up your feelings and then punish me for not knowing exactly how you feel, that’s rich.”
Alhaitham smiles over his shoulder bitterly. "You think that you're such a prize? Stumbling around the city drunk in mountains of debt?"
"Leave it to you to throw that in my face! Stooping to a new low I see." Kaveh scoffs. "At least I can tell you how I'm feeling!"
"Ah yes, because your hysterics are always so transparent. There's not always going to be someone there to save you. I hope you understand that." Alhaitham snaps.
"And what would you know about needing to be saved?" Kaveh seethes. "You're the Acting Grand Sage, you live in a house five minutes away from the Akademiya—"
"Where would you have gone if I didn't find you in the tavern that night? After the Palace?" Alhaitham interrupts, tone fierce.
Kaveh freezes. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"You would have moved to Fontaine most likely, to be with your mom. Your pride would have delayed that, seeing as you were living in a tavern before we reconciled, but you had that option." Alhaitham seethes, eyes burning. "I didn't have the option to fail. I didn't have a mother or father to fall back on."
Kaveh's eyes softened. "That's not how I meant it—"
"I am where I am in life because I had no other choice. So don't throw my success in my face, when I've worked just as hard as you for everything. Even when I too, have had moments where I wanted to be saved and no one was there to help me. I had to do it all on my own!" Alhaitham is yelling now, and Kaveh is staring at him in shock, mouth agape. Alhaitham smirks bitterly at him. "What, are you mad now that I'm not the unfeeling robot that you like to pretend I am?"
Kaveh's eyes burn at the outburst, the realization that Alhaitham has gone through everything in the last few years by himself hitting him like a freight train. No one had been there to help him get where he is, he had no family to fall back on. His comfortable life was all his own doing.
"You're saying all of this like I meant to hurt you!" Kaveh shoots back at him in frustration.
"Congratulations, you succeeded."
"Alhaitham, I–"Kaveh's voice cracks, as he tries to reach his hand out for him. Alhaitham swats him away.
"Do you seriously think I haven’t spent months wondering what the hell we are? How am I supposed to trust anything you say when you wake up and apologize, and then avoid me for days on end?” Alhaitham says darkly.
Kaveh's lip trembles as his eyes burn with the threat of tears. "I didn't know, I didn't realize-"
"No, you didn't. Because all you care about is yourself." Alhaitham snaps. A single tear slides down his face but he turns away quickly to wipe it off.
"That's not fair!" Kaveh cries, tears streaming down his face. "I didn't want to tell you how I felt because we were doing so good. I don't want to lose you again. Is that really so hard to believe?"
Alhaitham regards him bitterly. "You already are losing me."
Kaveh’s heart drops to his stomach. “What?”
Alhaitham turns, a shadow falling over his face. He grimaced. "I can’t keep doing this. Fighting for something—For something that is too far gone.” He pauses before he stares at Kaveh stonily. "If you want to continue to self-destruct, be my guest - but I don't want anything to do with you while you do. Whatever this is, we aren’t friends.”
Kaveh’s breath catches. “Alhaitham—“
“I have a meeting.” Alhaitham says abruptly, eyes burning. “But even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t stay.”
“What? No! This conversation isn’t over!” Kaveh begs, grabbing his wrist. “Please, we need to finish—“
“It is over Kaveh!” Alhaitham exclaims, shaking him off. “I’m done doing this dance with you.”
He pauses at the front door, his back facing Kaveh.
“I can’t do it anymore.” Alhaitham’s voice cracks.
Alhaitham wanted to look back at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn around.
With the flick of his cape, Alhaitham left, slamming the front door hard enough to shake the walls.
Kaveh stood there in stunned silence, tears stinging behind his eyes. He stood in the middle of the living room, watching the front door in shock.That was not how he expected that conversation to go at all.
It happened again, Kaveh realized. He ruined it. Again.
He dropped his hand, the one that had gripped Alhaitham’s wrist just moments ago. It was still trembling. He swallowed hard, his throat dry as his heart pounded with adrenaline from the heated argument.
He had no idea that his actions were hurting Alhaitham in that way. He never expressed any emotion about it until tonight.
Now he knew, and it was too late.
The door was still rattling in the frame.
He was hurt by everything Alhaitham had said to him. Calling him an alcoholic, a liar. As if Kaveh didn’t already think those things about himself, having him confirm it was like being stabbed in the heart.
What was he supposed to do now? Pretend they hadn’t built a home and a life with each other? The damn espresso that Alhaitham made him was still on the table mocking him. Along with that stupid book he was reading, that he was supposed to bring back to the Akademiya weeks ago.
He picked it up, studying the worn cover in his hands. He opened it briefly and recognized his own handwriting in the margins. His eyes widened before he scoffed in disbelief— he was in the middle of reading one of Kaveh’s favorite books of all things. Angry tears slid down his face as he screamed, throwing the book across the room, slamming it into the wall before it splayed open on the floor.
He fell to the ground, lowering his face into his hands as he sobbed loudly. He had no one to blame for this but himself. Kaveh was always the problem in his personal relationships, too much, too needy, too emotional.
It was why everyone always left him. Now, that includes Alhaitham.
He hates that he ever kissed him. Alhaitham was all that he had left, and he destroyed it all over again.
Kaveh waits for about an hour before he realizes Alhaitham isn’t going to come back anytime soon. Kaveh realizes that this wasn’t just another one of their tiffs.
This seemed heavier.
He had lost him. And there wasn’t anything he could do about it.
He was so stupid for ever believing that he might ever have a chance with him romantically. It was clear that he had fatally miscalculated, the man only took him in because he felt pity for him. He could never measure up to his standards.
He could never want someone like him.
He was lying to himself, thinking that he was worthy of Alhaitham.
He couldn’t do this anymore.
——-
The front door creaked open hours later, sun long set over the city. The last pink rays of light were dancing through the stained glass windows as dusk arrived.
Alhaitham hadn’t meant to walk so far, and for so long. He hated that he left on such a bad note with Kaveh. That was probably the worst argument they’d ever had.
He had lied and said he had a meeting when in reality, he just needed to get away before he said anything else that he might regret. He spent the last few hours wandering the city aimlessly, trying to distract himself from what just happened.
He didn’t want to lose Kaveh, but he also didn’t know what exactly the solution was between them. He didn’t want to be a drunk mistake; he wanted Kaveh to choose him while sober.
He wanted Kaveh to choose him, period.
He didn’t want to be friends with benefits with him, or whatever the hell they were right now. He wanted everything with him.
In fact, his feelings were the furthest thing from casual, but clearly Kaveh’s weren’t - and that hurt. He was just physically attracted to him. He scoffed bitterly to himself as he shook his head.
He stepped into the living room, noticing the air felt sterile almost. It was quiet.
The hallway lights were still on, casting a golden glow throughout the house.
He glanced towards the front door. Kaveh’s key was on the hook, so he knew that he was home.
“Kaveh, you can’t just leave all the lights on. I’m adding this to your rent.” Alhaitham calls out teasingly, hanging up his cape on the coat rack.
When he didn’t hear a reply back, or the usual stomping of his roommates' (very) loud feet, he felt a chill go through his body.
“Kaveh?” Alhaitham calls out louder, frowning.
No answer. It was silent.
It was way too early for him to be asleep.
The unusual silence was making Alhaitham uneasy. He looked around, noticing how pristinely clean the house was.
That was weird, he thought. There was clean, and then there was whatever this was. Not a dish out of place, everything had been dusted and wiped clean.
Even the espresso cup from earlier was gone from the table.
Grabbing the hilt of his sword, he padded slowly past the couches, into the hallway towards the bedrooms.
When he stepped deeper into the hallway, he froze.
Kaveh’s door was wide open.
Alhaitham dropped his sword in shock, hearing it clank loudly against the hardwood as it echoed oddly through the house.
Because it was too quiet.
His sword probably left a huge scratch and dent on the hardwood floor but he didn’t care.
His chest tightened as he stepped inside the room.
Kaveh’s room was completely empty, the desk wiped down, bed made neatly with crisp white cotton sheets. The closet door was ajar, with a few empty hangers.
His eyes frantically scanned the room for something, anything that the blonde might have left behind. He desperately searched for something that proved his observation wrong.
But the room was as clean as the day that Alhaitham moved in.
The architecture books were gone, Mehrak nowhere to be seen.
It even looked like he mopped and swept before he left.
All that remained was the hollow shell of a room. The room that was now mirroring how he currently felt.
No, there’s no way he’s gone.
Alhaitham fell to his knees in the doorway, breath catching in his throat.
He really left.
Fuck.
His eyes landed on a thin piece of paper, folded neatly with his name scribbled on the front, resting on the edge of the crisply made bed.
Shaking and pulse pounding loudly in his ears, Alhaitham willed himself to open up the letter.
“Alhaitham,
I’m sorry that it took me this long to realize that I was just a selfish coward and an inconvenience to you. You’re right, we’re too far gone to save.
I’ve been saving mora for awhile, so you no longer need to worry about me.
I hope you can now live the peaceful life you’ve always dreamed of.
-Kaveh”
Alhaitham read it three more times. The words blurred more and more each time, at some point he stopped bothering to blink back the tears cascading down his face.
Teardrops splashed down on the letter in fat droplets.
A choked sob ripped from his throat, as he gasped for air.
He let the letter fall out of his hands.
Alhaitham was trembling, lip quivering as the reality sunk in for him.
Kaveh was gone, for good this time.
All he could focus on was the silence, that suffocating silence that he forgot about. He hated it.
It gave him too much time to drown in his thoughts.
He didn’t expect Kaveh to actually leave, but he was an idiot for thinking that would be out of the realm of possibilities. Alhaitham hadn't held back this time, he said everything he needed to, cruel words slicing him apart like knives.
He probably would have moved out too if the roles were reversed.
Sure, he’d won the argument.
But he drove away the one person who knew him best, all to protect himself.
Now he had to suffer in silence.
———
95 days earlier
Alhaitham, while he was still in shock from the night before, had fallen asleep in Kaveh’s old bed. It didn’t even smell like him anymore, which was insane since it had only been 12 hours.
His hand hovered over Kaveh's name in his phone for what felt like the hundredth time. He had typed up a variety of sentences "i'm sorry" "i didn't mean it", "let's talk", "please come back" but he deleted them all before he could send anything.
Logically if one bad argument is all it took for Kaveh to do this, then well.
Maybe this was for the best. Maybe this would be better for Kaveh.
He texted into work, letting them know he was feeling sick, and decided to go back to sleep.
He was the Acting Grand Sage, and knew Sumeru needed him, but mentally he knew he couldn’t handle it today. He needed a day to grieve.
He sighed, rolling over on his side and tugging the blanket over him.
Maybe if he dreams, he can get away from all the regret he was feeling, even if it was just temporary.
His eyes slid closed again, relieving him from reality.
———
Alhaitham’s dream starts out peaceful. He walks through a beautiful grassy meadow, sun shining brightly, a soft breeze blowing.
It couldn’t have been more of a perfect day.
He smiled as the wind gently tousled his silver hair, the temperature perfect with no humidity.
And then—
“Why wasn’t I good enough?”
Kaveh’s voice echoes.
He staggers forward in shock, heart hammering in his chest.
The sky transitions from a perfect blue, to crimson red. The wind picks up, whipping against him harshly and his hair gets pushed back.
You didn’t stop him, and now look.
He left and now you’re back to being alone.
That’s all you’re good for, you entered this world alone and you’ll die alone too.
Alhaitham grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut. His own voice was haunting him.
“With a personality like yours, it’s a miracle you have anyone around.” Kaveh’s voice sneered again, louder this time.
And now you have no one, his thoughts echo.
Alhaitham falls to his knees, clutching his head in pain.
“Stop.” Alhaitham hisses.
“My feelings for you are a nightmare.” Kaveh says bitterly. “I regret ever touching you.”
Alhaitham clutches at his chest as it aches. His inner monologue continues to volley back and forth with “Kaveh”.
Who would ever want someone like you?
“I could never love you.” Kaveh whispers. “I will never choose you.”
At that last one, Alhaitham lets out a frustrated scream.
“I wanted you to stay.” Alhaitham sobs brokenly, as his hands shake. Why couldn’t you have stayed?”
He lets himself collapse in the grass, trying to calm down—but he just can’t stop crying. The pain he feels in his chest is too intense.
"Why couldn't you have tried?" Alhaitham asks again, voice cracking.
He knew losing Kaveh again would hurt, but he didn’t expect it to hurt quite like this. It had been awhile since he had a panic attack like this.
"We could have fixed this! I would have fixed it..." Alhaitham's shout trails off, tears streaming rapidly down his face.
Everything felt so much more raw in this dream. He couldn’t hold his emotions back here, they were all coming to the surface. His thoughts start to transition darker. As much as he tried to repress them, the emotions began to transform into something more sinister.
He punches the ground in frustration. "Answer me! Why couldn't you have stayed?"
He receives no answer, despite knowing it wasn't actually Kaveh he was talking to in the dream, it upsets him that he gets no response.
What was the point of all of this? It felt like the loneliness that he’s spent so many years running from was finally swallowing him whole.
He feels the dream transform again, as his surroundings change to a black void. He curls in on himself protectively as the darkness swam in his vision.
He let his eyes close.
Let me vanish into nothing. Just let me sleep and never wake up.
“You don’t mean that…” A small gentle voice whispers.
Tears stream down his face. He just wants to be free from this torment. He lets out another cry, before he hears small footsteps approaching him.
He then feels a soft warm hand on his arm. His eyes fly open, and he’s looking directly into bright green eyes, full of worry. He stiffens in shock.
Nahida.
“I’ve never heard you call out for me so much in all of your years of life.” Nahida says gently, as she soothingly rubs circles on his forearm.
“I didn’t—“ Alhaitham sputters, cheeks turning red with embarrassment. “Are you actually here?”
She was kneeling next to him, eyes full of kindness and worry.
“Yes, it’s really me.” Nahida whispers, a small amused smile on her face. “Let’s get this dream back to a happier place.”
Soon the void disappears, the sky fades back into a perfect blue. The warm sun was oddly comforting. Alhaitham is absolutely mortified that his archon is seeing him like this.
“Why are you here?” He asks.
“You may not have voiced your call to me in words. But I felt it. Your soul was begging for me to come and help you.” Nahida murmurs.
Alhaitham didn’t have the energy to get up. He laid there exhausted from the emotional turmoil, now back in the grass, voice cracking. “Why does it hurt so much?”
“You love him.” Nahida states. “But you don’t know how to love him the way that he needs you to.”
Love. That was scary. With love, there was no logic. But Alhaitham nods in understanding.
“I thought taking care of him would be enough. I thought he’d stop apologizing one day about kissing me and that he’d confess while sober. That he’d stop pretending.” Alhaitham pauses before continuing. “But he never did, and it hurt every time. Now I'm not even sure if he feels anything at all."
Nahida nods. “I know. But, don’t just put the blame on Kaveh, you were both pretending. That was how you both coped with your emotions.”
Alhaitham looks at her now, eyes glassy. “He said it was casual.”
Nahida’s gaze softens. “You haven’t told him how you really feel. He was scared. Your walls are built so tightly around your heart that he couldn’t see a way in. He didn’t know that it was anything but casual.”
Alhaitham doesn’t say anything. Kaveh being afraid of anything doesn’t really seem right, but if Nahida is confirming it then it must be true.
“I never thought he would really leave.”
Nahida’s face falls. “He didn’t really want to. He was waiting for you to make it safe. But you didn’t know how.”
Alhaitham exhaled shakily. “I was an asshole to him. I said things that I didn’t mean.”
“We all make mistakes, Alhaitham.” she reminds him gently.
“He hates me,” Alhaitham says gravely. “There’s no coming back from this.”
“I disagree. He cares about you, maybe even loves you.” Nahida argues. “And that love terrifies him because he doesn’t think he deserves it.” She pauses, smiling knowingly at him. “You know, you both are both more alike than you give yourself credit for.”
Alhaitham met her eyes then. “I don’t know how to fix it.”
“I know you don’t.” Nahida sighs.
There's a small moment of silence, Alhaitham lost in thought while Nahida sits next to him patiently.
“I wanted him to stay.” He finally admits quietly.
“I know.” Nahida says, resting her hand on his.
“So what do I do? Let him go?” Alhaitham asks.
“No,” Nahida shakes her head. “You let yourself feel the pain. Let it break you so you can heal. Then you figure out how to get him back.”
Alhaitham sits up slowly then, and without thinking, he embraces Nahida in a tight hug. He was still trembling, breathing hard as she wrapped her small arms around him. She rubs his back soothingly, comforting him as he weeps.
He really lets himself cry against the archon, whimpering softly, trying to release everything he’s been holding onto. If releasing the pain is really going to help, then he’ll do it despite how humiliated he feels.
“You’re not going to remember this,” Nahida whispers in his ear gently. “I know how private you are. I’ll respect that. I won't take that away from you.”
Alhaitham opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it and nodded. She was giving him mercy, which was far more than what he deserved.
He felt oddly at peace, even if it was still painful. Her presence was soothing. Maybe the crying also helped.
“Will this get any easier?” Alhaitham asks slowly, his voice rough.
Nahida hesitates before answering. “Not at first. One day though, hopefully not too far from now, you won't feel like you’re unraveling. When that day comes, you’ll know.”
The dream was starting to get foggy as he felt his body grow heavier, he heard her voice one more time.
“You are just as worthy of love as everyone else, even if you don’t understand how to receive it.” Nahida says before disappearing.
———
Kaveh laid on the small sleeping bag in the room of his new studio in the eastern part of Sumeru City.
It wasn’t nearly as glamorous as Alhaitham’s house, and it probably wasn’t the best for his back, but it was better than suffocating under the weight of what could have been.
Also, to find something so last minute was a miracle in itself. He was thankful for the connections he had from his last commission, where his client had mentioned she was having trouble getting rid of her old studio.
So when he texted with an all cash offer, first and last month's rent he knew the client couldn’t refuse.
Unfortunately this meant that Kaveh had no curtains, so the bright sunlight burned across his eyelids as soon as it peeked through the windows. Groaning, he covered his eyes with his arm.
He supposed an eye mask might be cheaper than curtains for now.
After everything that happened last night, all he felt was a deep lingering sadness in the pit of his chest. His heart was numb. Hell, he was still processing everything that happened last night.
He thought that maybe Alhaitham would call him or text him, demanding to know where the hell he ran off to. But his phone has been painfully silent. He knows he's probably at work by now, so if he really woke up not caring to know where he was... then it really must be over.
Suddenly his phone buzzed. He quickly scrambled for it.
Tighnari 08:03 am: hey can i stop by? i need advice about you know who…
Oh fuck. He forgot to tell Tighnari about yesterday…Tighnari most certainly could not stop by Alhaitham’s house, especially since he no longer lived there.
Kaveh 08:04 am: hey haha! so um about that. i might have moved out last night.
Kaveh cringed inwardly, waiting for his best friends response.
Tighnari 08:04 am: i’m sorry, what?
Tighnari 08:04 am are you okay? how did you move out in like 24 hours??? how did you even find a place that quickly??
Kaveh 8:05 am: i’m fine haha, i'll explain when i see you. but here's my new address! stop by whenever.
Kaveh facepalmed, typing his new address quickly in the message box before sending it off. He could pull it together for Tighnari, it shouldn’t be that difficult.
He stretches his arms as he gets up, looking around at all the boxes he still had to unpack. Ironically, it wasn’t much, he had about six left, but it was still more than what he thought he would have.
Guess he had accumulated things while he had lived with Alhaitham.
Sighing, he got up, and started tearing open the boxes as he waited for Tighnari.
Later that morning….
“I brought breakfast.” Tighnari said hesitantly, holding a brown paper bag full of some egg and ham pita pockets.
“Thank you! Oh you’re a lifesaver. Come in, come in. Sorry, I don’t have furniture yet, but I’ll be off later today to try and find some.” Kaveh babbles nervously.
Tighnari’s eyes widen at the comically small studio with a tiny bathroom off to the side, a stove, sink, and small counter at the far edge of the room.
“Kaveh, what happened?” Tighnari asks wearily, choosing to sit cross legged on the floor in the middle of the room.
Kaveh sighs. “He. Uh, well. Here’s the thing. Please don’t judge me.”
“You guys were fucking weren’t you?” Tighnari deadpans. “I knew it—“
“No,” Kaveh shakes his head in remorse. “God, no, I wish but we...” He sighs before continuing.
This was so embarrassing, and it was only going to get harder to explain the more that people asked. He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. He knows people love to speculate about him and Alhaitham, their friends included.
“You can tell me.” Tighnari gently reassures, placing his hand on the blondes.
Kaveh averts his gaze. “We would kiss.” He pauses. “Well, technically I would kiss him, and sometimes if hell froze over, he’d kiss me first,” Tighnari’s eyes widened before Kaveh continued. “Anyway, he’d kiss me back everytime. In the morning sometimes I’d apologize to him. We’d avoid each other, then it would just go back to normal.” Kaveh finishes, face pink.
“Oh my god.” Tighnari mumbles, facepalming. “So then, I take it that something more intense happened to lead to well,” he gestures to the room, the boxes piled against one of the walls. “This.”
Kaveh nods stiffly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Yeah. We had a really bad argument last night. I might have… told him it was casual kissing. That I was attracted to him, physically.”
“What?'” Tighnari exclaims in shock, ears twitching. "Wait. I have so many questions. You said he'd kiss you back?"
“Yeah." Kaveh mumbles.
"What did he say when you told him it was just physical?"
"He told me to kiss him while sober." Kaveh says, averting his eyes.
Tighnari’s eyes narrowed. “So, did you?"
Kaveh snorts. "Absolutely not! He had just gotten done telling me I was an alcoholic and to get a therapist."
Tighnari groaned. "Oh my god."
"Then he told me he didn't want to watch me self-destruct and that I had hurt him. But then he left, and before he did, he said I was losing him. So while he was gone, I grabbed my things and now I'm here."
Tighnari studied the blonde for a long moment. "Do you think that he has feelings for you?"
Kaveh laughs bitterly. "Not after all of that."
"Why?" Tighnari challenges.
Kaveh looks over at him now. "In what world would calling me an alcoholic and telling me to get a therapist mean he has romantic feelings for me?"
Something crosses Tighnari's face before he clears his throat. "I guess in no world." He grabs Kaveh's hand before looking at him sternly. "But if Alhaitham of all people, uncaring, stoic, Alhaitham were to tell me I hurt him and was losing him, I'd think that maybe there was something deeper there."
Kaveh flinches, eyes dropping to the floor.
“It’s not like he’s going to tell me if he does actually want something romantic.” Kaveh mutters, crossing his arms.
“This all seems like a big misunderstanding.” Tighnari comments gently.
Kaveh’s voice cracks. “It’s not. He basically called me a joke. I begged him to say something, anything and he left me there by myself for hours. I can’t do it anymore.”
Tighnari nodded his head sadly. It was clear that Kaveh needed some space for the time being. But this all seemed like it could potentially blow over eventually.
Right now, his best friend needed him. He decided to not push the issue further with him for now.
"If that’s really how you feel….I’ll support it. But how did he react to you telling him you were moving out?”
“No idea. I left after he stormed out.” Kaveh admits, shrugging. "And haven't texted or heard from him since."
“You what?!” Tighnari exclaims. “So what, your solution is to just never see him again? You of all people should know this city is not big enough to avoid him forever.”
Well, Kaveh had memorized his schedule, so avoiding him could work for awhile at least,
“If he’s that upset, he can come and track me down. He has all the power and resources at his fingertips.” Kaveh says.
Tighnari put his face in his hands, groaning.
Kaveh didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It wasn’t like anything was going to change. He hated that it had resorted to this, but he wasn’t going to continue to torture himself.
“Enough about Alhaitham. What’s going on with you and Cyno?” Kaveh smirks, elbowing him.
The tips of Tighnari’s ears turned red. “Ugh, okay, I don’t know if I’m reading into it too much or not but I feel like he might be interested.”
“Well obviously, who wouldn’t be?” Kaveh teases, thankful Tighmari didn’t argue against the subject change. "You are the only one who actually laughs at his jokes."
Tighnari flushed. "He's actually funny sometimes. I don’t know how to factor him into Collei’s life though. She’s been through a lot and I need to make sure it’s a more… permanent situation before I commit.”
Kaveh squeals. “Oh my gosh, you wanna be serious with him! That is so cute Tighnari. You have to go for it.”
Tighnari blushes before coughing. “Yeah, well. I’ve been alone long enough I think. So I think I’ll ask him out in a couple of weeks.”
90 days earlier
Tighnari sat and stared at his phone, lips pursed in contemplation. He needed to figure out how to get Alhaitham and Kaveh to reconcile.
He scrolled over Cyno’s contact and decided to just go with his gut.
tighnari 3:15: heyyy. have you heard from alhaitham at all? he’s been more absent then usual.
cyno 3:17: no? did something happen?
Tighnari huffs, throwing his head back in annoyance. Why was he always the one that had to explain everything?
tighnari 3:19: lol
tighnari 3:19: kaveh moved out a few days ago, he ghosted alhaitham. left while he was out.
tighnari 3:19: i tried talking to kaveh. tbh seems like a misunderstanding but from what he told me it sounds bad. something about kissing and then avoiding each other??
tighnari 3:20: alhaitham never explicitly said how he was feeling, kaveh spiraled and now im assuming alhaitham is miserable too.
tighnari 3:21: kavehs staying in some small place in the eastern part of the city. it’s clean but sad.
Maybe that last part wasn’t totally necessary Tighnari thought.
cyno 3:20: oh my god. two geniuses but no emotional intelligence.
cyno 3:20: that idiot alhaitham. what can i do?
tighnari 3:21: *idiots. i think kaveh isnt telling me the full story but he refuses to try and work it out with him.
tighnari 3:22: maybe you can try talking to alhaitham at work? :)
cyno 3:22: it’s worth a shot i guess. i’ll try to track him down.
Hours go by without Tighnari hearing anything. Late in the evening, his phone finally dings.
cyno 7:30: no sign of him anywhere. i’ll try again tomorrow. he can’t hide from me forever.
Tighnari throws his head back with annoyance.
89 days earlier
“You look like shit.”
Alhaitham looked up from his paperwork to see Cyno standing at the front of his desk.
He had definitely seen better days. He had pronounced dark circles, hair not as neatly kept as it usually was. Alhaitham had decided to throw himself into his work in Kaveh’s absence, and was even bringing it home with him. He needed to be distracted in his now very empty house.
“General. Can I help you?” Alhaitham asks brusquely.
“I’m not here for work. You know, you have been incredibly difficult to track down," Cyno pauses before lowering his voice, "I heard about what happened with Kaveh.”
Ah right, of course. He assumed this day would be coming. He wondered what the blonde had told him.
Alhaitham, scribbling something on one of the applications in front of him, was growing bored of this conversation already.“You know just as well as I do, that me being hard to find is purposeful. So I’ll reiterate: why are you here?”
“I wanted to check up on you.” Cyno admits softly. “What happened?”
“Kaveh moved out,” Alhaitham paused, narrowing his eyes down at the paperwork on his desk before he continued. “As you already know, seeing as you have a close relationship with Tighnari.”
Cyno stares blankly at him, cheeks dusted with a faint blush. “I don’t have a close relationship with Tighnari.”
Alhaitham scoffs, finally looking up and meeting his fiery gaze. "Right. Is there anything else? I really should be getting back to work.”
The two stare blankly at each other, both refusing to look away.
“I think you should talk to him.” Cyno finally says.
Alhaitham's pen shakes slightly in his hand before he sets it down, knowing exactly which him he’s referring to. “If he wanted to talk, he would have given me his address. It’s clear that he wants nothing to do with me at this time. “
“Whatever you say.” Cyno finally says as he rolls his eyes. He turns to walk out the door. “I’ll leave you to it then.”
“Cyno.” Alhaitham sighs, crossing his arms.
He turns back, gazing indifferently at him.
“Is… is he safe?” Alhaitham asks, voice cracking, his normally calm facade breaking.
Cyno exhales. “He’s safe. He’s in a good neighborhood. Work is going well for him.”
“Good. I.. I’m glad.”
Cyno smiles sadly at him before leaving.
“Consider talking to him, Alhaitham.”
76 days earlier
“Is there a reason you keep granting Kshahrewar all of the funding that they request?” Nahida asks at their quarterly meeting.
Alhaitham was sitting across from her in his (temporary) office. His dark circles were even more pronounced than a few weeks ago, skin almost translucent from holeing himself up indoors.
“I see no reason to deny them when their applications are satisfactory.” Alhaitham shoots back.
The real reason of course, is that he couldn’t risk the blonde marching up to him angrily about denied funding applications. He knows he still works closely with the darshan for a lot of his solo commissions.
Alhaitham also doesn’t think he could handle seeing him. So, approving everything was his insurance policy.
“I see.” Nahida’s eyes narrow.
“Is there a problem?” Alhaitham questions, tilting his head.
“No, no problem but I feel like there’s something on your mind.” Nahida starts cautiously.
Yes, the fact that I’m absolutely miserable and the light has truly left my life for good this time, Alhaitham thought.
“Nothing that you need to concern yourself with.” Alhaitham smiles faintly, not wanting to worry the young archon.
She crosses her arms, something glinting behind her eyes.
“I see. I’ve been meaning to ask, but how is your roommate Kaveh doing?”
It’s like the air is sucked out of the room at the mention of his name.
Nothing gets past her does it? He thought dryly.
Nahida raises an eyebrow as she waits for an answer.
Alhaitham clears his throat. “I’m not sure of his affairs. He moved out a few weeks ago. Is there anything else we need to discuss?”
Their eyes meet, Nahida’s softer than normal, almost with a look of pity behind them.
But Nahida knew better than to push Alhaitham of all people.
“That’s too bad.” Nahida finally says. “Nothing else to discuss. That will be all.”
68 days earlier
“Hey thanks for meeting up with me!” Kaveh says with a wide grin, as he slid into the booth at Puspa Café.
Things had been going as well as they could be for Kaveh, commissions had been pouring in non stop, keeping him super busy.
So busy that he hasn’t had much time to focus on taking care of himself. He was already lean, so it wasn’t really something most people would notice, unless they looked closely at the bags under his eyes, or the way his cape practically fell off of his shoulders now.
“No problem. How are you doing?” Tighnari asks wearily, noticing his sallow skin and drooping clothes, sipping on a coffee.
“I’m great, work has been super busy and it’s all going really well.” Kaveh says, before smirking mischievously.
“How are you and Cyno?”
Tighnari scoffs. “We’re fine, but we still haven’t made it out of the friend zone.”
“You should just ask him out already. It’s clear that Collei adores him too.”
When Kaveh saw their dynamic for the first time, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. They acted like a family, even if Tighnari and Cyno weren’t romantically involved.
“I think I’m going to text him.” Tighnari announces, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
“Please do! God, that would make me so happy!” Kaveh exclaims.
“And what about you? Have you talked to Alhaitham?”
Kaveh scowls. “Absolutely not! I’m not going to either. He can come find me or text me first if he wants to speak to me.”
“Wow. He really hurt you didn’t he?” Tighnari comments. "Usually you crack by now."
Kaveh didn’t say anything as he stirred his coffee, avoiding his eyes. He had originally thought that Alhaitham would have tracked him down by now, but it seems like that was just a hopeless fantasy at this point.
Tighnari shook his head. “I hope he comes around.”
“Yeah, me too.” Kaveh says dejectedly.
tighnari 2:30: hey, i was wondering if you’d like to grab dinner sometime.
“Okay, I sent the text.” Tighnari says before flipping his phone face down on the table.
“Yay! It’s about time with you two. I don’t know anyone that has more natural chemistry. I swear Cyno eyefucks you everytime we’re all hanging out.”
“Kaveh!” Tighnari exclaims, blushing. “He does not.”
Tighnari’s phone vibrates and he grabs it immediately.
cyno 2:31: i’ll have to check my schedule, i’ll get back to you.
Tighnari frowns at the message. Kaveh’s eyes narrowed.
“What’s wrong? What did he say?”
“He said he has to check his schedule and get back to me.” Tighnari sighs.
“That’s not a bad thing! He’s working right now, maybe he’ll get back to you after work once he has a chance to look.”
Tighnari nods, expression blank. “Yeah, maybe.”
60 days earlier
Kaveh was walking down Treasure’s Street, finally looking for some curtains for his studio.
It had been a little over a month since his explosive fight with Alhaitham, and he hated how much he missed him.
His studio was too small, too quiet. It didn’t smell like ink and parchment, or meat stew, or coffee. There was no one sitting there waiting for him to come home. It was just four walls meant to protect him from the elements.
It wasn’t a home,
So he tried to occupy himself for the majority of his days. He figured a walk would be good for him.
Suddenly, he missteps over an uneven crack in the pavement, and stumbles into someone small, knocking them down.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry—wait. Lesser Lord Kusanali?” Kaveh paled at the young archon who had fallen. He helped her up gently, heart racing.
Of course, leave it to him to trample over his archon. Just throw him in jail now, he thought grimly.
He stared down at the young girl, who looked fine other than some dirt on her white dress.
He bowed to her then, “I’m so sorry, please excuse my clumsiness, I was lost in thought.”
Curse that man, he thought bitterly. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he and Alhaitham still hadn’t resolved things. He hadn’t gotten one call or text from him, or even a letter at that. Nahida's lip twitched in amusement.
It was clear that Alhaitham didn’t believe their friendship was worth fighting for.
At this point, Kaveh was embarrassed that he kept throwing himself at the man when he clearly misread the lingering stares, the soft blushes, the not so serious eyerolls…
“Kaveh, it’s okay.” Nahida reassured him, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I was actually looking for you. Let’s go chat somewhere less crowded.” Nahida suggests.
Oh god she was looking for him? Kaveh thought, panicked. What in the world could he have possibly done to have an archon searching the streets for him?
“You aren’t in trouble, don't worry.” Nahida says softly, as if she had read his mind.
Kaveh sighed in relief. “Okay good. I don’t know what I would have done if I had disappointed my archon.”
“Kaveh, you could never disappoint me.” Nahida says, gesturing to a bench that was further away from the crowd.
Kaveh highly doubts that.
“So, what can I do for you, Lesser Lord Kusanali?” Kaveh asks, sitting down gently next to the young archon. They were sitting on a bench near Lambad’s, overlooking the river and rainforest.
Nahida looks up at him, a soft smile on her face. “Can you tell me what happened between you and Alhaitham?”
All semblance of composure shattered, as Kaveh’s smile fell ever so briefly.
“Uh, haha, why would you want to know about that?” Kaveh laughs nervously, averting his eyes.
Well that was definitely not what he was expecting to talk about with her; but he can’t say he’s surprised. They do work closely together, so of course she was bound to find out eventually.
He wondered if he sent her to check on him? No, he wouldn’t do that, Kaveh decided. He was too private of a person to confide in anyone, let alone their archon for advice.
Nahida smiles softly before clearing her throat.
“Alhaitham seems different lately. He’s not really acting like himself. He told me that you moved out, but wouldn’t tell me what exactly happened between the two of you.” Nahida says.
Ah. Seems like he told her the bare minimum then. Her curiosity makes sense.
“It’s… complicated.” Kaveh sighs defeated.
“Kaveh, can I ask you for a favor?”
Kaveh's eyes meet the young archons' bright green ones briefly. “Of course. What do you need?”
“Can I look into your mind?” Nahida whispers.
What?!
“Um, hahaha, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. I don’t want you to see anything too mature.” Kaveh rubs his neck sheepishly.
Nahida grabs and squeezes his hand then. “Kaveh, I’ve been around a long time. I can handle whatever it is you think might be too mature. If you really don’t want to let me in though, I will respect that.”
Kaveh frowns. He knows she went through a lot being trapped for so many years but still didn’t know if seeing all of his longing and pain was a good idea.
“I won't tell him anything.” Nahida reassures. “It’s my job as an archon to know their subjects, inside and out. The good and the bad.”
Kaveh nods wearily. “Okay then. You have my permission.”
“Okay!” Nahida says excitedly, before turning more serious. “This might feel funny for just a moment.”
She raises her hand and he sees a bright green light before he closes his eyes.
He feels a small tingle in his brain, and then it’s like he’s daydreaming.
Reliving everything.
From the moment he first saw Alhaitham in the House of Daena, to their original falling out over their thesis.
Shredded pieces of paper falling on the floor, tears in teal eyes. Frantic glueing into an old journal.
Kaveh clutched at his chest. It hurt.
“It’s normal for it to hurt.” Nahida murmured , clutching his hand softly. “Especially since you care so deeply.”
The scenes cycled through his mind quicker now, as if he was watching a fastforwarded tape.
A sketch. A clearing near a waterfall. A handshake, The Palace of Alcazarzaray, then the destruction from a withering zone. Boxes. The deed to his family home. Another handshake. Rebuilding.
Alhaitham finding him again at the tavern, broke and drunk. He watched himself tell Alhaitham everything, admitting that he was right. The feelings of hopelessness magnified.
Kaveh felt like he was drowning. How did he get through that dark time?
Nahida’s breath hitched sympathetically.
Now the scene transformed to their first kiss. Then the second one the night of the storm. The third. Alhaitham's smile, then him turning his back to leave him at the door.
Then their most recent fight. The yelling, the crying. The pain in Alhaitham's eyes, the pain in Kaveh’s chest. Alhaitham slamming the door. Kaveh shuffling his things into boxes.
The broken sob as he moved into the small studio, falling to his knees, breaking down in the empty room. Wailing loudly crumpled against the mattress on the floor, no one to pick up the pieces this time.
Kaveh was gasping for breath now.
The tingling in his brain went away.
“Oh Kaveh.” Nahida exclaimed, tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you had suffered quite so much.”
Tears were streaming down Kaveh’s face now. Nahida embraced him softly.
“It’s okay.” Kaveh finally says, wiping his red rimmed eyes.
“Alhaitham is not faring well either. He wouldn’t tell me what happened. But Kaveh… you aren’t over it.” Nahida says lowly.
No, he supposed he wasn’t. Kaveh tried to recompose himself, he was crying openly in front of Nahida of all people, in the middle of the city. How mortifying. She was patient with him though, looking up at him sadly, squeezing his hand.
He wiped his eyes and patted his face with a tissue from his pocket before turning back to Nahida.
“Why don’t you try talking to him?” Nahida cocked her head.
Kaveh laughed bitterly. “He doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Do you know that for sure?” Nahida asks softly
“Well no—“
“I think it might be good for both of you.” Nahida says gently.
He wondered what state, exactly, Alhaitham was in for Nahida to be pushing their reconciliation so hard. Kaveh didn’t think it was fair for him to go after Alhaitham after all of the horrible things he said to him.
The things that still hurt a month later.
“I’m not ready.” Kaveh finally says.
Nahida nods. “I understand. But Kaveh, I don’t think the door is closed for Alhaitham.”
Kaveh met her eyes slowly. What did that mean? He had a feeling if he asked she wouldn’t give him a direct answer.
“When I’m ready then. I’ll reach out.” Kaveh promised.
54 days earlier
“Hey, how are you doing?” Cyno approaches.
Tighnari turns his head from the bartender, surprised.
“What are you doing here?”
Cyno hadn’t ever gotten back to him about dinner, which was annoying — but he could read between the lines. Clearly, he just wanted to keep it platonic.
“I just finished up a case. I needed to decompress. Mind if I join you?” Cyno asks.
“Pull up a chair, let’s chat, it's been forever.” Tighnari says nonchalantly.
They catch up on how Collei is doing, and how work is going for the both of them. Eventually the conversation dies down, as they sip their drinks in comfortable silence.
“There’s something serious that I want to talk about. I’m concerned about Alhaitham.” Cyno lowers his voice, knowing that people around him would start eavesdropping about the Acting Grand Sage if they heard.
“How is he doing?” Tighnari asks, taking a sip out of his glass.
“Terrible. He looks completely wrecked. He’s not sleeping and it looks like he’s lost a lot of weight.”
“Oh my god. Why won't he just talk to Kaveh?” Tighnari groans.
“I’m assuming that he doesn’t think that he can come back from it at this point.” Cyno shrugs.
“Have you tried encouraging him to reach out? If he knew Kaveh was also hurting he might consider it.” Tighnari ponders, tilting his head.
“I did when it first happened, but to be honest no.” Cyno shakes his head.
“Ugh. I guess I’ll go and talk to him in a few days.” Tighnari shakes his head, exasperated. Cyno smirks.
“Good luck catching him at work.”
“Who said anything about catching him at work?” Tighnari sasses, lip curling up.
51 days earlier
A knock on the door late one evening startles Alhaitham as he silently reads on the divan.
He ignores it, hoping whoever it is goes away. Probably just some drunkard who got lost. His eyes rest back on the page he was on.
A more insistent knock, faster tapping now— startles him again. He sighs heavily, placing his book on the side table—annoyed that someone is disturbing his peace so late on a work night.
“Who the hell—“
He stands up, brows furrowed and swings open the door to find none other than—
“Tighnari?”
“Let me in you idiot. We need to talk.” Tighnari pushes past him, shutting the door behind him.
Alhaitham crosses his arms impatiently as he waits for whatever the man has to say.
“Hello to you too. Why are you here?” Alhaitham asks, tone clipped.
“Because Cyno is a dumbass. He had one job, which was to talk some sense into you, but clearly that has failed. You look awful, by the way. Have you been eating?”
Alhaitham’s eyes narrowed.
“Thank you. Is there a meaning to this or are you here to lecture me about my eating habits?” Alhaitham answered sarcastically, walking to the divan to sit. He didn’t have the energy to stand in the entryway and chat for however long this conversation was going to drag on for.
Books were scattered all over the coffee tables, applications on the kitchen table, and dirty mugs and plates stacked by the kitchen sink.
“Can you explain to me why Kaveh moved out, and why you’ve decided to do nothing about it?” Tighnari raises an eyebrow before he sits down adjacent to him. He figured he’d just get to the point.
Oh, so now it was time for another interrogation, Alhaitham thought dryly.
“That’s none of your business.” Alhaitham snaps, eyes narrowing. “Besides, I’m sure you already know his side of the story, so I’m still not understanding why you’re here.”
“All I know is Kaveh is also hurting. But neither of you will tell us exactly what happened.”
Kaveh was hurting?
Alhaitham scoffed incredulously. “If he’s hurting, it’s by his own choice. He made the decision to leave while I was gone. I didn’t force him to go.”
“It’s not like you tried to stop him either.” Tighnari shot back. “Did you even try to find him? Or text him? Or is your ego too big for that?”
Alhaitham crossed his arms, letting the silence linger. He had a lot of nerve to barge into his house late at night demanding answers to questions that were none of his business.
Unfortunately, Tighnari, was immune to his tricks and wouldn’t get the hint that Alhaitham really didn’t want to talk to him.
Tighnari threw his head back in frustration, sighing. “Do you really believe he moved out because he wanted to?”
“His actions say that, yes.” Alhaitham argued.
“He’s not handling it well.” Tighnari said, voice softening. “He pretends like he is in front of me, but well. I know him better than that. And I know you as well, which you—“ Tighnari gestures to him, “—you look like you’re seconds away from unraveling. Maybe it’s time for you to ask yourself if whatever happened between you two is worth all of this.”
Alhaitham sat there, stunned into silence as he watched Tighnari stand up and make his way to the door. He paused when his hand circled around the knob.
“Do something Alhaitham. Before it’s too late.”
Seconds later the door shut, and Alhaitham was alone again.
Was Kaveh really in equal shape? He pulled out his phone, hovering over Kaveh’s name.
His contact photo mocking him, a sly smile at the booth at Lambad’s, eyebrow raised, triumphantly holding a glass of wine after he kicked Alhaitham’s ass in a game of TCG.
He smiled fondly at the photo, eyes shining as his finger hovered over his name.
He hated how much he missed him.
——
tighnari: 9:34 he looks like shit
Kaveh raised a brow tiredly, as he rolled over on his creaky, too hard mattress. It felt more like the mattresses they probably had in the Fortress of Meropide, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
kaveh 9:34: who’s he?
tighnari 9:35: dont play dumb. alhaitham. i just saw him
What? Kaveh’s heart sped up. He typed furiously and hit send.
kaveh 9:36: where?
tighnari 9:37: his house. i went over there to try and talk some sense into him.
Kaveh inhaled sharply. He should really thank Tighnari for going over there, but another notification flashed above the top of his phone.
tighnari 9:38: hopefully it works.
tighnari 9:50: kaveh?
Kaveh was staring at his phone blankly now.
alhaitham 9:39: Hello.
Hello.
Hello?
After almost two months of not speaking, after moving out, after their explosive fight to end all fights, that's what he gets? A simple hello?
He stares at Alhaitham’s contact photo, one that he took at the bar in Port Ormos, a rare smile on his face after a long day of exploring.
Kaveh was going to fucking crash out.
He spread himself out on his very cheap floor mattress and responded very maturely.
kaveh 9:41: salutations.
alhaitham 9:42: Are you okay?
Kaveh rolled his eyes.
kaveh 9:42: i’m alive. and you?
A pause before the typing bubble comes up.
alhaitham 9:43: I’m doing fine.
Great. Invigorating conversation. Kaveh sighed with frustration. This was going nowhere per usual.
alhaitham 9:44: Is your new living situation to your standards?
Kaveh decided to omit the fact that going anywhere takes forever now, and he despises how quiet this neighborhood is.
kaveh 9:45: it’s amazing.
alhaitham 9:45: Glad to hear it. Did you get a roommate?
Kaveh raised an eyebrow. Did he think that he was going to move in with someone else?
kaveh 9:46: why do you care?
alhaitham 9:46: It’s just a question.
Is it?
kaveh 9:47: no. i live alone.
alhaitham 9:48: I see.
alhaitham 9:49: Do you regret leaving?
Okay. Kaveh groaned, letting the screen go dark. He was not going to get into this with him. Not tonight. He couldn’t handle it. He idly wondered if throwing his phone across the room would render it useless.
He learned his lesson, as much as he wants to say yes to him, he knew he would regret it.
How could they ever make up after their fight?
The audacity that man had.
He really should ignore him.
His phone lights up again.
alhaitham 9:53: I didn’t mean to upset you.
Kaveh freezes, fingers hovering over the keyboard. Since when does Alhaitham care? He grimaces, sighing before giving in.
kaveh 9:54: why are you doing this?
There was a way longer pause this time. A few (excruciatingly) long minutes go by before his phone lights up again.
alhaitham 9:59: I don’t know.
Kaveh laughs bitterly, throwing his phone to the side of his mattress before screaming into his pillow. Of course he didn’t know. That would make things easy, and celestia above, we couldn’t have that.
At least the man was honest.
48 days earlier
It was early, the Sumeru air already tepid as the sun blared down from above. Alhaitham walked slowly up the ramp to the Akademiya where he found Nahida, seemingly waiting for him.
He hadn’t received a text back from Kaveh since that fateful night where he decided to listen to Tighnari. He supposed he probably wouldn’t ever at this point.
It really was over.
“Alhaitham, there you are!” Nahida exclaimed, waving. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Surely I’m not that hard to find.” Alhaitham says teasingly, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Lately it seems like it. I haven’t seen you in gosh, almost two months now.” Nahida said, tapping her chin.
She studied Alhaitham carefully but discreetly.His cheekbones were dangerously sharp, and skin was almost translucent. It was clear he wasn’t eating, and that him and Kaveh still hadn’t worked things out.
Nahdia frowned.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of my archons company?” Alhaitham asked, interrupting the silence.
“Let’s… go to your office.” Nahida averted her eyes as she hesitated.
They walked in through the House of Daena, and up the elevator to the Grand Sage’s private office.
Alhaitham settled in his (temporary) seat, before Nahida sat across from him.
“Alright, is there something wrong?” Alhaitham finally asks wearily.
“Oh no, well not with Sumeru anyway.” Nahida started. “You’re doing a great job as Acting Grand Sage.”
“Thank you.” Alhaitham says, eyes flickering away. He could tell she wanted to say something. She sighed before crossing her arms.
“But I can’t help but feel like you’re just existing and not living.” Nahida says worriedly.
He cleared his throat, side eyeing her. “If you came here to diagnose me, don’t bother. I’m aware of the problem.”
“That’s great, then maybe we can solve it together!” Nahida exclaimed, jumping up excitedly. Alhaitham stiffens at the outburst.
“Trust me, there’s no solution.” Alhaitham scoffed bitterly. That ship had long sailed.
Nahida tilted her head, a knowing look in her eye. “Did you know that Kaveh signed up for Love Island?”
Alhaitham froze, breath catching in his throat.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“That reality show. They’re filming on the border of Sumeru and Fontaine this year. Kaveh signed up for it a few weeks ago.”
Alhaitham stared at her incredulously, a light pink blush tinting his cheeks. He coughed before continuing. “How did you know that me and him—“
“Alhaitham. I’m the goddess of wisdom.” Nahida giggled before looking at him sympathetically.
Alhaitham was mortified. He averted his eyes and cleared his throat, trying not to show his interest.
“How do you know he applied?” He asks casually.
Nahida smiles triumphantly. “I have contacts on the production team. I was just informed this morning that Kaveh’s application was accepted. He’s getting ready to leave the city probably as we speak.”
“I—I don’t know what to say.” Alhaitham admits, stunned by the news.
Nahida reaches across the table and grabs Alhaitham’s comically large hand. His eyes widen at the tender gesture
.
“Alhaitham. I came here to tell you that there is still time to fix it. I know Kaveh’s heart, he—“ Nahida shakes her head gently before continuing. “You can still turn this around.”
“And how am I supposed to do that?” Alhaitham questions, voice shaking. “I have a nation to help you rebuild, I can’t just crash a reality show and drag him off the set.”
“Here’s one of the rare times where you’re wrong. You can, you have my blessing.” Nahida nods gently. “Besides, we’ll be okay for a couple of weeks. I’ve been interviewing some backups for you, and they are able to perform to expectations.”
“I’m probably too late to send an application now.” Alhaitham says lowly, already dreading thinking about Kaveh flirting with a bunch of different guys.
“Funny you should mention that,” Nahida says . “Kaveh told the production team about you. They want to capitalize on the drama so my contact would love to add you at the last minute.”
He stared, mouth agape.
“And you’re okay with all of that drama representing Sumeru?” Alhaitham says slowly, not quite believing his luck.
Nahida nods. “I know your heart too, Alhaitham. You wouldn’t be doing it for ratings. You would do it to get Kaveh back.”
Alhaitham flushed, avoiding eye contact. This was beyond embarrassing that his archon was getting so involved in his personal affairs.
“So yes, I’m okay with it. The question is, are you?” Nahida tilts her head curiously, waiting patiently for an answer.
If Kaveh had signed up for the show, that meant that he didn’t care what his potential future clients saw of his personal affairs. He knew that if he joined him on the show, most likely all of their dirty laundry would come out as well.
But, he’d have a chance to win him back and fix things between them.
Alhaitham rose from his seat shakily, making his mind up right then and there.
“Tell me where to sign and I’ll be out of here as soon as possible.”
Nahida grinned.
——-
“So, on a scale from 1-1000, how bad of an idea is it that Kaveh is going on a reality show?” Tighnari asks wearily as he scans the forest for more monsters.
Tighnari had messaged Cyno to see if he could help him clear a particularly heavy patch of fungi from the forest.
Together, they had managed to break through it pretty quickly, so now Tighnari was looking for an excuse to keep hanging out with Cyno since their time together was so limited these days.
“69.” Cyno responds smugly. Tighnari elbows him sharply, shooting daggers at him.
“I’m serious! I’m also concerned, you know, for our other hopeless friend Alhaitham?” Tighnari emphasizes.
Cyno averted his gaze. “Yeah, that’s not going to be good when he finds out. But, I have a confession to make.” He stops in the middle of the path, making Tighnari halt, perplexed.
“Yes?” Tighnari asks, voice lowering wearily. The two lock eyes for a moment, not saying much but the energy between them has definitely shifted,
Cyno clears his throat. “I applied to be on the show as well. I’m worried that it will be too much for Kaveh mentally, and if he can have at least one friend in there then that might help him.”
Well that’s just fantastic. Tighnari presses his lips into a thin line. “I see. I’m sure he’ll appreciate the emotional support.”
“We’ll see if I even get cast.” Cyno shrugs, staring hesitantly at him out of the corner of his eye.
The silence is awkward.
“I applied too.” Tighnari finally blurts out. Cyno raises both brows in surprise. “I’m worried about him as well. But let’s not tell him. I don’t want him to think we’re mothering him. If we both get cast anyway.”
“Well, we each might find a connection there ourselves.” Cyno suggests, trying to keep his tone nonchalant.
Apparently that’s the wrong thing to say, because Tighnari’s brows furrow in disgust.
“What are we going to do about Alhaitham?” Tighnari changes the subject, trying not to think about Cyno making a romantic connection with a complete stranger.
Cyno hums. “Honestly, he’s the most connected out of all of us as Acting Grand Sage. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already knew.”
“Well, I sincerely hope you’re right.” Tighnari mutters.
“Otherwise he might just drag Kaveh out of there himself.”
———
10 days prior
Alhaitham had spent the last few weeks bulking back up, eating properly, and leaving his work where it belonged, at work. For the first time in months, he felt like himself again.
He needed to put his all into getting ready for the show.
First, he started by binging a few of the more popular seasons of the show. He didn’t expect to like it at all, but he found himself really rooting for some of the couples.
The Alhaitham from a few months ago would be mortified at what he’s become. What he used to call trashy reality television was now his closest confidant.
He scribbled notes furiously in his notebook, noting that open communication seemed to be the common denominator to a successful long term coupling on the show.
“Tch. You’ve known each other 24 hours. Your connection is not that deep.” He found himself saying at one point.
But almost every time — he was proven wrong by that statement, and those couples made it to the final or won.
Was it really that intense in the villa? That knowing there's a deep connection with someone after just 24 hours? It seemed he would need to trust his instincts as well.
The more he watched the show, the more he realized it was essentially a pressure cooker. The Islanders were filmed almost 24/7, had no ties to the outside world, and were tempted constantly with flirty challenges.
Of course that would take a toll on your mental health.
What fascinated him were the couples that passed every test, came back to each other each time, and even openly communicated when they were interested in talking to someone else.
What was most surprising to him about the show, and a bit scary as well, was that some of the couples from the show were still together to this day. Some of them have even gotten married and had kids.
He realized with horror that Kaveh could also potentially find something real in there too.
Something real with someone else.
He tried to focus on his notes as he watched the next episode, the recoupling after Casa Amor.
From Alhaitham’s observations, it seemed like Casa Amor was the biggest test of all for the couples.
The point of Casa Amor was a test of trust in your partner, which seemed like statistically around 50% of the Islanders would fail. The new bombshells in each villa were handpicked to tempt you, and they were very diligent in whoever they were pursuing.
Around half of the cast would end up tempted by the new islanders, naturally. He supposed it was due to the whole “forbidden fruit” aspect of it all.
He found himself yelling at the tv when one of the men came back with another girl on his arm, after he had told his original partner that was in the villa that they would be exclusive.
“You fucking idiot!” He yells as he watches the girl burst into tears around the firepit as she watches her old partner approach with the Casa girl. She had chosen not to couple up, so she was now single and vulnerable.
He froze, realizing he really had become invested in the show. How embarrassing.
He would have to make sure he stood out amongst the other people there, so that there was no competition between him and any sexy bombshell.
Which meant he had to be much more open and likeable.
Alhaitham had to be at his absolute best to even have a sliver of a chance at winning Kaveh’s heart.
He kept going through each season of the show, studying the successful couples. He spent extra time working out, making sure his body was sculpted and back to how it was before their fallout.
He even practiced speaking in the mirror, making sure his eye contact was sultry and flirtatious and not intimidating and off-putting like it normally was. He even practiced dancing for the heartrate challenge.
He groaned when he realized he was practicing like a prepubescent teenager, fisting his hands in his hair frustrated.
“I am losing my mind.” Alhaitham laughs bitterly.
But he kept going until he was confident.
Because Kaveh was the one at stake here.
It clicked for him just then why Kaveh loved the show so much.
The vulnerability, hope, connections…
It was the embodiment of Kaveh.
He needed to do everything in his power to show him how sorry he was, and how badly he wanted him.
This was his last chance.
———
Kaveh finished packing his brand new summer wardrobe into his suitcase. He had spent the last month doing as many commissions as possible, working as much as he could to fund all of his bills for the next couple of weeks. He knelt down, facing Mehrak.
“Buddy, I’m going to have to leave you behind for this, but I promise when I get back things will be so much better.”
Mehrak beeped sadly.
Kaveh powered the briefcase down and sighed. Things really could be different when he returned. He could potentially come back to the city with a boyfriend.
A boyfriend that wasn’t—
Stop.
He gripped the handle on his suitcase as he rolled it across the cheap laminate wood floors. He looked back at his small studio one last time.
He thought he would feel nervous or excited about going on Love Island, which was literally his favorite reality show. But he just felt the same numbness he’s been feeling for the last (almost) three months.
They always say if you can’t get over someone, get under someone else right? He needed to do his due diligence to move on. And hell, if he just ended up having a fun summer away from the city, maybe that would be okay too.
tighnari 3:20: good luck!
Kaveh smiled down at his phone.
kaveh 3:21: thank you nari! i’ll see you when i get back.
tighnari 3:21: haha yep, see you then!
Kaveh clicked his phone screen off. He let himself take one final look at his small home, before his eyes lingered on the espresso mug on the counter.
The one he had taken from Alhaitham’s house.
Alhaitham’s lips had been around that rim multiple times most likely—
Stop, he thought again, squeezing his eyes closed as he shut that shameful thought down immediately.
No.
He needed to move on. He hadn’t even texted that man since that one random night, and hadn’t seen him since he moved out.
It was over.
Even if he wasn’t ready for it to be over.
But Kaveh had made his choice, he thought, as he gripped his too heavy suitcase handle and opened the front door.
It was time to leave Sumeru behind.
But what he didn’t know, was that Sumeru wasn’t done with him.
And neither was Alhaitham.