He love me not, he loves me

by Abaddonn

Summary:

Gabriel had spent many years of his life avoiding certain aspects of himself as an omega. Being Nico's teammate actively changes more than he would like to admit.

Notes:

(I had to repost this)

I'm not used to writing alpha/beta/omega dynamic stuff, but here I am trying something. Please be kind, English is not my native language and everything here is fiction, you already know how it is.

Chapter 1: No human being has ever stood so close to my soul as you stand

 

Gabriel was twenty-one years old, an omega, and a rookie F1 driver. He was also an omega who had never had a proper heat in his whole twenty-one years of life. In a way, he believes that if he had handled all these aspects early on, he probably wouldn't have ended up like this nowadays. You see, he had started taking suppressants early on, as soon as he had presented as an omega nearly at the end of his adolescence. However, his main focus had always been and always would be his pursuit of a career as a race driver, so that meant he didn't exactly have the time to worry about other aspects of his life. Even when it came to his physical and mental health.

 

However, now that he sees other omegas who are also F1 drivers, looking healthy, having partners, living normal lives, he can't help but wonder if all his years of keeping any omega aspects of his life hidden away wasn't a bit of an overreaction. It's a little disconcerting because he can't help but look away when other omegas in the conversation circle start talking about their heat cycles normally, while Gabriel had been hiding from this part of his life for years. He had slept with betas and other omegas before, but never with an alpha, and never in heat.

 

Still, he always knew that omegas were not treated very well in general, despite the various legal reforms that had been implemented and the fact that they lived in a modern society. Gabriel had many omega friends who had the same story, and he himself, being who he was, had also had unpleasant experiences with other alphas, or even with other betas, something that Gabriel had stopped bothering about after a certain point. Nevertheless, the fact was that he did not want a partner, at least not now, and he had never experienced a heat with anyone before. Especially since he had only been in heat once in his life.

 

The only reasonable response for Gabriel, considering all these factors, was to protect himself. At first, he took his suppressants correctly, used scent blockers, was on birth control, everything was fine, until his biology started to catch up with him a little and Gabriel found himself craving. He slept with a beta, and it was very pleasant, very good, but it still didn't seem like enough. So he slept with an omega, and it was the same thing, intense pleasure and then nothing. Just nothing. His brain didn't seem to like the fact that he locked all those other parts of himself deep inside. He didn't make nests, he didn't seek comfort, he didn't feel the need to submit, he didn't get into heat, he had no scent at all and he didn't want anything or anyone.

 

Gabriel was well aware that many omegas had other omegas as partners, betas, or even lived their lives alone, but he figured that this was usually done in a healthy way, which was not the case for Gabriel. After a while, every time he felt that part of him deep inside, asking for something, even for comfort, he took more suppressants, shut himself off, distanced himself, ignored it, and went back to his training, to his races. It was the only thing that mattered. His mother was aware of all this from the beginning. At first, she was strongly against his decision to become so distant from himself, saying that it would harm him badly when he got older, but even so, she respected his decision. Well, in the end, she was right anyway.

 

It was normal for omegas to seek comfort among themselves, like some of his friends on the grid. Yet, even that he did not do. Gabriel neglected himself so naturally that it seemed routine to him, and indeed it was. He realized that this was not okay, not healthy, he knew that his behavior would only bring him problems, but he still could not see himself doing anything about it. Being that way. It seemed impossible, unbelievable, and it almost felt strange just to think about it. In a way, he lived like this for a long time, in the dark, isolated, distant. Until Nico Hülkenberg came along.

 

Gabriel already knew about him and admired the older driver even before becoming his teammate. So when he actually became the alpha's teammate, Gabriel couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive, but even more confident. Gabriel wasn't really expecting any validation, approval, or even support. He knew how these things worked, even as a rookie, he knew he should never expect too much. However, Nico was polite and respectful from the start, but it wasn't like Gabriel expected the opposite; in fact, he expected indifference, or something close to it. He wouldn't have been surprised if the alpha had simply ignored him for the rest of the year. Not because he figured Nico was one of those alphas, but because it simply wouldn't have surprised him. 

 

It was clear that Nico was as hesitant as he was, but Gabriel, despite everything, had always been an open, friendly person, willing to help. Perhaps that was how they slowly became closer, as good teammates and good friends. Nico was funny, very friendly too, and kind. He was kind in a way that made Gabriel feel... almost comforted, something that wasn't really usual for him. Nico was kind in a way that made Gabriel feel even more confident, supported, because he knew Nico would be there at the end of the day for him. And all of this was mutual, because Gabriel always found himself doing the same thing for the alpha.

 

Gabriel had alpha friends whom he liked very much, but with Nico, something was different. Nico was calm, patient, gentle, but he was also annoying at times, annoying in a way that would make Gabriel laugh and roll his eyes, fighting the urge to push him away affectionately. In fact, it was difficult how Gabriel found himself wanting to be affectionate more and more. At some point, they started hugging, exchanging touches, but Nico still remained respectful, something that made Gabriel's stomach feel like it was full of butterflies.

 

They had known each other for just a little less than a year, and the relationship between them was great. Gabriel would seek him out after a race to tell him how great he was, and Nico would smile, pat him on the head, and praise him back, his eyes sparkling. It was a friendly gesture, Gabriel knew it was friendly, but something in him almost wanted to press his face into the alpha's scent gland and inhale. It was a disturbing thought, a thought that made him distance himself from Nico a little, not enough for the other man to notice, just enough for Gabriel's brain to return to normal. It was annoying, aggravating how his brain craved Nico's comfort specifically, because he didn't have that need with anyone else.

 

Nico used scent blockers like everyone else on the grid, but still, Gabriel wondered what he would smell like, whether it would be softer or stronger, whether he would be able to taste it on the tip of his tongue—and there it was again—the deeply disturbing thoughts. Sometimes Gabriel felt so frustrated that he would sit on the floor of his driver's room and bury his head in his hands, grabbing his hair a little. It had become more stressful as the final days of the year approached. It had never been so annoying before. He didn't know if it was because Nico was simply the most approachable alpha he had ever met, at the same time treating him as an equal and with the same admiration, even though he was a rookie, or if his brain was experiencing some kind of breakdow. 

 

The problem was that after a stressful race, Gabriel went to Nico again, feeling drained and fatigued. His mind yearned for comfort, but he simply wanted to be in the same space as Nico, just to be there. The alpha didn't really need to say anything. Still, as soon as Nico saw him, he smiled softly, approached Gabriel, and sighed with a reassuring expression. "Hey, Gabi. How are you feeling?" he asked gently, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

 

Touch between them was already normal, both were physically affectionate, so Gabriel just shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "You know, frustrated," he muttered. "But it happens, so..."

 

Nico nodded calmly. "Yes, these things happen, they help you improve. It's part of the process, but it will get easier, I can tell you that." He squeezed his shoulder gently

 

Gabriel smiled slightly, raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure it gets easier?"

 

Nico huffed through his nose with a slight laugh. "No, it doesn't exactly get easier, but you learn to deal with it," he reaffirmed. "You're an exceptional driver, you still have a lot ahead of you, you'll see."

 

Gabriel sighed, and as always, just being around Nico made him feel better. He looked away, licking his dry lips. "Yeah... Thanks Nico, that means a lot, so... I appreciate it."

 

"Don't worry about it." Nico smiled brightly. "I'm always happy to help, buddy."

 

Gabriel's smile widened, but all the expression on his face faded when Nico's hand slowly found the back of his neck. His body froze, a warm sensation crawled up his stomach, his eyes slightly widening. Then he felt it... That. As if he were too warm, as if Gabriel's skin were burning right where Nico was touching him. He gasped softly from the back of his throat and felt weak. Oh... Oh, that was... that was good. Everything happened in slow motion, he wanted to close his eyes and just enjoy the touch, he'd never felt that before, but it was so—good—oh God, he didn't want to move away from it, from that feeling, from that hand—

 

Nico pulled back so fast that Gabriel was left helpless: "Oh, fuck—" then the hand moved away and Gabriel bit his tongue to keep himself from making a sad sound.

 

"God, I'm sorry." Nico hissed softly, taking a few steps back, hands raised in a defensive gesture. " Shit, I didn't mean to—"

 

Gabriel blinked repeatedly, inhaled through his nose, and the back of his neck was still warm from the touch. The incredibly good feeling, however, disappeared as if it had never been there. It was... unsettling, to say the least. So sudden, intense, and comforting, only to be ripped away from him so quickly that it almost...hurt. But, then he realized... He realized he wanted that hand back, the desire bordering on need, and it was fucking breathtaking.

 

"I'm sorry, I always do this with my other alpha friends—I know it's no excuse—I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Nico murmured, he sounded frightened, as if he had hurt him.

 

Gabriel cleared his throat, fighting against what was almost begging for more inside him. For more of that feeling, that comfort, that touch. He shook his head softly. "Nah, it's okay... don't worry," he whispered.

 

Still, Nico seemed even more devastated, fidgeting with his hands, restless. "Fuck, that was awful of me, Gabi, I'm really sorry. I never want to make you uncomfortable, really... I shouldn't have done that."

 

Nico seemed infinitely more upset about the whole thing than he was. The fact was, the omega was three steps away from approaching Nico and holding his hand, just to feel that touch again. The thought hit him so hard that the rational part of his brain almost shut down violently. Gabriel swallowed hard, gesturing gently with his hand. "It's okay, Nico," he reassured him. "It just caught me a little off guard, that's all."

 

Nico rubbed his face violently, visibly stressed. Gabriel didn't like that. He didn't like to see him that way, it didn't seem right. He didn't smell anything, but Gabriel knew he was distressed just by looking at his face. Gabriel inhaled calmly through his nose and took a few steps toward him. "Hey." He touched Nico's arm gently, trying to smile. "Come on, man, it's like you've never touched an omega before." Gabriel tried to joke, which was ironic, because he was the one that had never been touched by an alpha like that before.

 

The joke, however, only seemed to make Nico more uncomfortable. He scrunched up his face, scratching his chin. Gabriel sighed softly, taking on a more serious tone. "Nico, it's fine. I know you, Nico, and I trust you too. I know you would never do anything to make me uncomfortable." The omega said in the calmest and most serious voice he could manage.

 

Nico removed his own hand from his face and looked into his eyes, probably searching for some sign of discomfort in the omega's eyes, but he only expressed trust and serenity. Nico exhaled through his mouth, taking a deep breath. He nodded gently. "Okay, I just... I'm very sorry," he whispered again.

 

Gabriel pulled his hand away from his arm, feeling he had to get away before that part of him craved that touch again. He couldn't have that. Gabriel smiled anyway, trying to comfort the alpha. "It's okay. Honestly, I think it's kind of cute that you do this with your alpha friends also."

 

Nico hummed softly. "It's just... you know, to transmit comfort." He shrugged, calmer. "Just like some omegas provide comfort to each other, right? You must know what that's like."

 

The smile on Gabriel's face faded a little, he felt that wave of melancholy creeping through his body, but he ignored it and just looked away. "I mean, I didn't want to assume anything—" Nico started, hesitant.

 

"No, I know what you're talking about." Gabriel interrupted him, waving his hand. "I know how it is."

 

Actually, he did not know.

 

(. . .)

 

Gabriel wanted Nico around. He realized it every time he looked at the alpha while laughing with him. He had never wanted someone's presence so intensely before. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Even more because apparently his body also craved Nico's presence to be even closer. Sometimes when Nico touched him in a friendly way, his skin kept burning tenderly even after Nico moved his hand away. Sometimes he felt Nico's touch through his clothes, as if it had passed through them.

 

Sometimes he wanted to breathe in Nico's scent, he wanted to smell him, he still wondered what the older man might smell like. Sometimes he just wanted to be close to him, settle down next to him and maybe sleep a little, especially when he was tired. It was one of the first times he had felt any need to make a nest, something that had never been present before. It was confusing, frustrating. Sometimes he wanted to hold Nico's bigger hands between his own, sometimes he realized he had never wanted to touch an alpha as much as he wanted to touch Nico. 

 

However, life went on, and Gabriel found himself thinking about it more and more. He wanted that touch on the back of his neck again, that touch that was so good that it knocked a switch in his mind. It was so ironic that just one touch had been able to consume his thoughts. Gabriel had never been needy, and he did have friends, but he still kept his distance from that connection between them. At the moment, however, that was the only word he could use to describe himself. Needy. Devastatingly needy. 

 

Nico was a naturally affectionate alpha, he liked to hug, to joke around, and he felt free to do that with Gabriel too, while not treating him any differently. Gabriel sometimes felt something warm in his stomach when he looked at Nico, and he forced himself to look away quickly, dissociating himself from how much he wanted to keep staring at Nico.

 

Gabriel often teased him back, something that would make the alpha laugh, and then they would engage in endless banter, provoking each other until they eventually had to stop. It was nice; Gabriel himself had never experienced this kind of dynamic with a teammate before, or even with an alpha. It was delightful in a surreal way, as if he himself had just imagined it all. It seemed too good to be true. And at the end of the day, it actually was true. 

 

But none of that was for him. Gabriel couldn't have any of it. 

 

(. . .) 

 

After that, his situation did not really get any better. Gabriel felt rather low in a way he wasn't used to, as if something was wrong with his mind and body. Melancholy took over his being, as did a vast feeling of loneliness. It was confusing and stressful because even though he had been alone for most of his life, Gabriel couldn't care less about it. Now, it was as if he was simply missing something constantly. Something he didn't even know what it was. He had no desire to ask for comfort, but on the other hand, he found himself slowly growing distant, unable to do anything about it.

 

His daily routine carried on, he ignored those feelings, those conflicting emotions, that immense emptiness that continued to grow in his chest. He felt neglected. But by whom? By who besides himself? It was as if his body knew that he was rejecting it and slowly began to show signs that not everything would always be okay. He tried to stay in a positive mood, bright and cheerful, smiling, but it seemed as if something was consuming him from the inside out, taking all his energy with it. He felt tired like never before.

 

He had arrived at the paddock that day with a neutral expression, smiling softly when someone greeted him, but soon feeling empty again. As he walked, he felt a hand on his shoulder and prepared for another interaction that would soon turn into something hollow. He looked to the side and his eyes met Ollie's gentle gaze. "Gabi, hey, how's it going today?"

 

Ollie continued walking beside him. "I'm fine, Ollie." Gabriel tried to smile a little, rubbing his eyes for a second. "What about you? Hey, you did well in that race yesterday, it's always a treat to see."

 

Ollie patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks, mate, that always means a lot coming from you," he said genuinely, and Gabriel noticed for a second that the beta kept looking at his face, even as they walked.

 

Gabriel frowned, looking at him for half a second before looking away. "What? Do I have something on my face or what?"

 

Ollie hesitated. "No, I mean... you just seem a little sad. Are you sure everything's okay?"

 

Hell, was it that obvious? Shit. Gabriel cleared his throat. "I'm fine, just a little tired," he muttered reluctantly. "Sometimes stress gets the best of me, you know how it is." Gabriel wished it were that simple.

 

"Yeah, I understand." Ollie nodded gently. "Maybe I can come by your driver's room later, maybe that will reduce the stress, if you want."

 

Gabriel paused for a second, standing in the middle of the way, and looked at him. Ollie stopped too, confused. "What?" he murmured. "Is something wrong?"

 

Gabriel shook his head, looking conflicted, he frowned silently, and started walking again, Ollie calmly walking beside him. "No, it's fine. I just... Why would you offer that?"

 

Ollie was silent for several seconds, as if he didn't understand what Gabriel meant. "Huh... because we're friends... and friends comfort each other?"

 

Gabriel bit his lower lip, feeling more stressed with every passing second. "Mm..." he muttered. "Thanks, but I'm fine."

 

"Look, I won't insist, but I know that sometimes all you need is a moment of silence and someone by your side." Ollie mumbled next to him. "So, if you ever need it, or even want it, I'll be here."

 

Gabriel sighed softly; he wished it were as simple as Ollie made it seem. Either way, he just smiled a little too tired at the beta and nodded.

 

(. . .)

 

The physical discomfort began a few days ago. Sometimes he felt too warm, almost to the point of discomfort. There was an unfamiliar discomfort at the lower part of his spine and at the lower part of his abdomen. It felt like pressure, slight at first, but in the past few days it had slowly become real discomfort. His skin felt like it was boiling on hot days, and he would become irritable. He would stay quiet so that he wouldn't end up snapping at anyone, distancing himself, forcing himself to handle it alone. He had been trying to interact less with Nico because he really didn't want for anyone to comment on it, especially since Gabriel was doing his best to act normal.

 

On cloudier days with a light breeze, he felt like he could finally breathe, even though that discomfort in his lower abdomen wouldn't go away. He knew something was wrong, he really did, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. He told himself it would go away, that it would all fade with time, but the exact opposite happened. He could endure a few days of discomfort, but once it didn't go away, nor even eased up, Gabriel couldn't help but worry.

 

Nico found him in an empty garage one day, leaning against the wall, pressing his forehead against it. He didn't want to think, didn't want to think about how the discomfort seemed to escalate into pain. It was a frightening thought, it was too real, he refused to acknowledge it. His face was a little too red, as if he had just finished jogging, but Gabriel had been standing there in silence for some time, taking deep breaths every time a wave of intense nausea washed over him. His skin was burning, his organs seemed to be cooking inside him.

 

Gabriel didn't notice the older man, nor did he hear his footsteps approaching. "Gabriel?" Nico called calmly from behind him.

 

Gabriel practically jumped. "—fuck." He pressed a hand against his chest and a wave of pain, real, actual, intense pain shot through the lower half of his spine. He couldn't help but grimace in pain, curling up slightly. He tried to squeeze himself against the wall. Fuck, Nico shouldn't see this—no one should see this—shit.

 

Oh, fuck. Gabriel pressed an arm against his stomach as pain crawled through the middle of his body. He tried to hide it unconsciously, swallowing the grunts of discomfort. "Gabriel? What's going on? Are you okay?" Nico asked, approaching carefully, one hand stretched out toward him. 

 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just–just give me a minute," he said, a little out of breath, trying to stand up straight again, trying to pretend nothing had happened.

 

He leaned one hand against the wall, adjusting his posture, and slid the other hand across his face, taking a deep breath, trying to ignore how it felt like his skin was melting, cooking, slowly being consumed by fire. "What are you doing here?" he asked casually, as if he hadn't bent over in pain ten seconds ago.

 

There was a look on Nico's face that appeared frightened, and his half-open lips only revealed how confused and concerned he was. The alpha remained frozen in place, his eyes scanning Gabriel's body, looking for some injury, some reason for that look of intense pain that had crossed his teammate's face. "What... what just happened? What was that? Are you in pain?" The questions came one after another, quick and urgent.

 

Gabriel shook his head, quickly looking away, trying to appear as normal as possible. "It's nothing, I'm fine." The pain tore through his abdomen, persistent but more tolerable. Still, it was there.

 

Nico just looked more incredulous, his eyes slightly wide and he had a frown between his eyebrows that seemed to almost hurt. "You're not okay, you look like you're about to pass out, what's going on!?"

 

The omega opened his mouth to respond, but fell silent as another wave of intense nausea crept through his body and guts. He pressed his lips together, lowering his head slightly, swallowing as an absurd amount of saliva filled his mouth, only increasing the sickness. He pressed a hand against his mouth, his eyes out of focus. Don't fucking throw up, don't throw up. No. Don't. "Gabi." Nico said his name as if he knew what was about to happen. He quickly approached and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, breathe, Gabriel, breathe."

 

Gabriel had to close his eyes to try to stop the dizziness, feeling his entire breakfast turn over in his stomach. Oh—shit—he took a deep breath through his nose and held his hand firmly against his mouth. Don't throw up. God, he wanted to sob, he wanted to curl up on the floor and stay there, he wanted to hide, damn it, he wanted to fucking cry. That wasn't fair, it wasn't.

 

Nico's hands were on his shoulders and slowly moved him to the corner of the wall, carefully sitting him down on the concrete. Nico knelt in front of him, his hands on the omega's knees, and he stayed there, in silence, his thumb caressing his knee, clearly trying to comfort him. Gabriel focused on taking deep breaths to shake off the unbearable nausea. He kept his eyes closed, leaning his head back against the wall. Gabriel was clutching his own face so tightly that his jaw ached. His free hand was shaking in his lap.

 

Nico sighed softly, worried, then noticed Gabriel's hand trembling against his lap and carefully held his hand, squeezing it gently. He clenched his jaw when Gabriel didn't return the squeeze, mortally worried. Still, he remained quiet, waiting, patient, calm, understanding. Gabriel stayed like that for long minutes, inhaling deeply through his nose, his tongue stuck between his teeth. The pain was still there, but the nausea slowly dissipated with each breath. 

 

When he finally felt that he wasn't going to throw up, Gabriel slowly opened his eyes, blinking several times. He hesitated a little before removing his hand from his mouth, his ears ringing a bit. He lowered his hand to the floor and licked his dry lips, feeling his body limp and weak—God, how he hated that—he inhaled once more, until his eyes fixed on his other hand. He frowned when he finally realized he was holding Nico's hand... or was Nico holding his hand? When did that happen? Gabriel made a soft sound, squeezing Nico's hand a little in his before he could stop himself. His hand was big, cold, cooling the blood that boiled in his veins... It felt nice. 

 

"Hey, are you back with me?" Nico's voice was at the perfect volume so as not to give him a headache, as if Nico knew. How...

 

Gabriel cleared his throat softly, Nico's thumb caressed the palm of his hand, and the omega breathed out heavily. "Yes, I'm right... here," he replied softly.

 

"That's good." Nico smiled at him, trying to meet the omega's eyes, which were still a little cloudy. "Do you need me to call someone? Take you somewhere?"

 

No, please don't. Gabriel shook his head from side to side, panting softly. He just wanted to stay here, just wanted to remain in silence. "No, no, I—" he stumbled over his words. "Stay here... I want to... stay."

 

Nico nodded, stroking his leg with his other hand. "Okay, it's fine. You'll stay here, then." He reassured him. "And do you want... do you want me to stay? Or would you rather be alone now? To calm down? I could come back later."

 

How could he tell Nico that he had been alone for so long that he didn't even think it made a difference anymore? How could he tell Nico that he was the only one who Gabriel had ever wanted to stay? How could he say it? He remained silent, his eyes barely open, his lower lip trembling. He tried to answer, tried to say anything, but he feared the tears that threatened to fill his eyes, afraid that he wouldn't be able to hold them back this time, after so long.

 

"Okay, it's fine, you don't have to speak if you feel like you can't." The alpha said in a voice so soft that it slowly soothed a small part of his brain. "You can just nod or shake your head when I ask you something, how does that sound?"

 

Yes, yes, Gabriel liked that idea. He nodded carefully.

 

Nico smiled kindly at him. "Great, so... Do you want me to stay?"

 

And this time, he didn't stop himself from nodding. In fact, he nodded so quickly that his brain shook inside his skull and he let out a low, frustrated groan. "Okay, fine, I'll stay then. I won't be leaving here." His words were patient and genuine.

 

Gabriel sighed loudly in relief, giving up on pretending. Yes, he could handle this, the silence, the calm presence of an alpha he trusted, it felt right, finally, something right amid so many other wrongs. He exhaled softly through his mouth, lowering his eyes. His throat was dry, he licked his lips again, tired. "Are you thirsty? I can go get you some water if you would like. "

 

The idea of Nico leaving terrified him so much that he grabbed the alpha's hand tighter, clenching his jaw. Nico quickly understood the startled look in his eyes. "Hey, no, no, I'm not leaving, I'll be gone for one minute and I'll be back, I swear to you I'll be back."

 

Gabriel hesitated, staring into his eyes intently to try to figure out if he was lying or not. Still, his throat was so dry that he felt suffocated. Gabriel slowly let go of his hand when he saw that he was actually telling the truth. Nico smiled at him with the corner of his mouth, got up from the floor, and then practically ran away. Gabriel waited, and part of him was already ready to stay there alone, because what fucking difference would it make? It wasn't like he hadn't done it before. He's great at being alone, always has been. 

 

He leaned his head against the wall as if accepting that the alpha wasn't coming back. Why would he anyway? Gabriel blinked slowly and stared at the other wall, realizing now that the pain had faded, but he still felt uncomfortable in his own skin. Yet again, that feeling of melancholy was creeping in.

 

But then, a minute later, there was Nico with a bottle of water in one hand and a protein bar in the other. He quickly knelt in front of Gabriel's legs, smiling at him as if to say: I'm back, see? You can trust me.

 

"Here you go." Nico offered him the bottle and protein bar. The omega carefully took the water bottle first, opened it, and quickly swallowed down a generous amount of water.

 

He breathed after drinking the water, his throat silently thanking him, took the protein bar and placed it on his lap. He knew that the problem wasn't his diet, or even low blood sugar, so he just stayed silent, leaning his shoulder against the wall beside him. God, it was all just embarrassing, there was no other word for it. He closed his eyes and wished the earth would open up a hole and swallow him, sparing him from all this. Nico was quiet too, but Gabriel could see out of the corner of his eye that he was visibly worried, sliding his fingers across the concrete.

 

"You don't have to stay, you know." His own raspy, low voice echoed in his brain, making him clench his jaw.

 

Nico hesitated, shifting on the floor and looking towards him. "But you want me to stay," he said, as if it were the only thing that really mattered. "Don't you?"

 

Gabriel almost shrugged and acted indifferent, now that he felt those walls slowly building up around him, distancing himself, keeping away from all of this. He could very well have done that. Looked away, acted like it didn't matter. However, he sighed. "Yeah, I do."

 

Nico nodded calmly. Then he frowned. "I mean, it's not like I don't want to be here," he said, as if he didn't understand what Gabriel had said before. "Why... why would you say that, Gabi?"

 

Gabriel looked away, great. He exhaled through his nose. "I'm just saying it's not your job... to comfort me."

 

That only made Nico frown even more. "I know it's not," the alpha said.

 

"And yet, you still do it," the omega finished.

 

Nico tilted his head to the side. "Well, of course. Because I want to... Because I care about you," he muttered. "I mean, you never... you never say it out loud, you never even ask me for anything. And that's okay, because you don't have to. It's just that... even when you're visibly upset, you still... shut yourself off."

 

Gabriel remains silent for several long seconds, unsure how to respond. He had no idea Nico had noticed this. He never even imagined it would happen. " Well, " he whispered. "I'm doing fine on my own."

 

Nico scratches his nose briefly. "You know, I wouldn't say anything if I knew that was really true," he says hesitantly, with even more caution. "But Gabi... look at you today. What the hell happened?"

 

Gabriel tensed up. "Nothing, nothing happened, I just..." He paused, breathing heavily. "It doesn't matter... Leave it alone."

 

He felt Nico sitting closer to him. "Of course it matters, Gabriel." His voice was firm and gentle at the same time. "You're clearly suffering. You shouldn't even be handling this alone, because what happens when it becomes more than you can handle on your own?"

 

Gabriel looks at him, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Nico? I've always been this way, and that's not going to change now."

 

A brief silence. "Why not?" he whispers. "Why not change now? What's stopping you?"

 

Everything... Nothing. Gabriel sighs. "I don't know."

 

Nico's shoulder pressed softly against his. "Tell me. Talk to me, Gabi," he asked so soft, so sweet that Gabriel gritted his teeth again. "Let someone help you. Anyone."

 

Gabriel's heart pounded against his chest, he whimpered softly, grunting, then leaned his head to the side, against Nico's shoulder, and closed his eyes. "I don't know... I don't know how to do that. I don't even know where to start."

 

"Start by telling me what's wrong," Nico whispers. "Start by acknowledging out loud that something is wrong."

 

Silence. Every expression line on Gabriel's face grew tense. He exhaled through his mouth, clenching his hands into fists. He couldn't, he didn't know how— "I'm in pain," he whispered, small and ashamed. "At first it was nothing, but now, I'm still... in pain, and it doesn't seem like it's going to stop."

 

Nico leaned his head back against his and remained silent, letting him continue. "I feel like my body is on fire even when it's too cold. I'm angry all the time, and I feel so... fucking low–" he chokes up.

 

"I'm listening," Nico whispered softly. "It's okay."

 

The words just kept coming. "I tried to ignore it, I thought it would go away eventually, but it only got worse." Gabriel confessed as quietly as possible, feeling mortally ashamed. "Every nerve in my body feels like it's being constantly ripped apart, I feel constantly nauseous..." Another pause, the shameful thought crosses his mind. "But Nico, I feel so, so alone." The words were spoken as if just saying them out loud was tearing him apart. 

 

"And it doesn't make any sense, because I'm surrounded by people all the time," he complains, visibly distressed. "But there's a thing that keeps telling me something's not right."

 

Nico's heart ached at the way Gabriel spoke. "Gabi..." Nico whispered softly, sighing through his nose. 

 

"I've always had a lot of friends," Gabriel murmured. "But you know, I never—I don't think I've ever really opened up to anyone. And I hear other omegas talking about exchanging scented clothing items to comfort each other, or to connect better, and I—I just can't—do that."

 

Nico frowned silently. "I do need to comment on the issue of physical pain, but what you're telling me means that you don't... don't seek comfort from your friends? "

 

The omega hesitated. "No," he whispered. "I've never done that."

 

Nico's brief silence actually said a lot. "Gabriel... that's really, really not good, first of all, the pain... the overheating, the nausea, and... being depressed—"

 

Gabriel laughed softly, bitterly, and raised his eyebrows briefly. "Do you think I don't know that?" he muttered. "But... do you know what's worse?" He took a pause. 

 

Nico waited, swallowing hard. How the hell could it get any worse?

 

"I think I know exactly why all this is happening," Gabriel confessed.

 

Nico's jaw clenched, he licked his lips, extremely hesitant. "And would you...feel comfortable telling me?"

 

Gabriel slowly moved his head away from his shoulder, leaning back against the wall again. He was going to go for it. Confess everything, tell him how far gone he had been all this time. He almost wished he had kept his mouth shut, and handled it alone. But it was too late now. And he didn't want to back down anyway. Gabriel took a deep breath through his nose. "I've been taking more suppressants than recommended for years. Ever since I found out I was an omega," he whispered, his voice heavy and tinged with bitterness. "Since then, I've never been in heat again."

 

Nico blinked, turning his head to the side to look at the omega. His face was neutral, but the look in his eyes gave away how confused he was by this information. "You mean... never again? Like... It's been years?"

 

Gabriel shrugged and nodded. "Yep," he muttered, biting his tongue. 

 

Nico blinked again, looking away, trying to understand. "Omegas need to go into heat at the very least three times a year to regulate their pheromones, hormones and body heat." 

 

Gabriel just nodded again, keeping his eyes away from the alpha's face. " I'm aware of that as well..."

 

"And... it's been years?" He sounded confused, incredulous, worried, scared, all at the same time. 

 

Gabriel sighed and remained silent. 

 

"And you've been taking too many suppressants for years too," Nico added, each word sounding like acid on his tongue. "Gabriel—"

 

"I know." Gabriel almost spat. "I know all about it, all the problems it could cause me, all the side effects." He almost growled under his breath. "Still, I just didn't care."

 

"Because..." Nico hesitated, exhaling deeply.

 

"Because I just wanted to be a F1 driver." Gabriel finished with a sour smile. "I didn't think there would be any room for that other part of me while I was pursuing what I wanted. "

 

Silence echoed around them, a heavy silence. Both of them felt the intensity very palpably. Nico's breathing was heavy at his side, Gabriel didn't even try to look at him, he didn't want to see that look in his eyes, he didn't want to acknowledge the whole problem itself. He was tired, he wanted to take off his racing suit and sink into an tub of ice. He wanted to be able to breathe again without feeling like he was suffocating. He desperately wanted things to go back to normal. He just stared at the floor and felt utterly desolate, fiddling with the protein bar on his lap, exhausted, upset, frustrated. 

 

Gabriel said nothing, deciding to let Nico think, to let Nico decide what the hell he would do with all that information. Anyway, it wasn't as if he should or had the right to do anything about it. Still, it was somewhat liberating to just talk about it. To let someone else know what was going on inside him, finally not having to choke on it alone all this time. He felt both lighter and infinitely heavier with bitterness, frustration, and pain. 

 

Then Nico finally whispered: "Okay."

 

Gabriel finally glanced sideways at the alpha, confused. "Okay?" he repeated the other man.

 

"Yeah, okay..." he breathed. "I understand. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, but I understand. I sympathize with you."

 

Gabriel held the protein bar tightly in his hand. "Oh..." he took a deep breath. 

 

"So, what I mean is, I really want to help." Nico continued, firm, as if he had made up his mind. "With whatever you need, seriously, I'll be here. You just need to let me know what you need. That's it, nothing else."

 

Each word struck something inside Gabriel that made him feel strange, strangely in a good way. He turned a little and met the other man's eyes, which stared at him with such determination that Gabriel felt somehow seen... recognized. It was overwhelming. It felt chokingly good. "O-kay," he exhaled.

 

"That being said, I believe you should go to a private medical clinic to get some tests done," Nico murmured calmly. "The pain you're feeling is enough to make it clear that something more serious is going on... I will never demand that you do anything, yet the suggestion remains. I genuinely care about you, Gabi, so I will still respect whatever decision you make."

 

Gabriel knew he was right. He had thought about it a few days ago, but hadn't found the courage to actually do it. He nodded softly, biting his lower lip. "Yes... I know." He looked at Nico again, visibly hesitant, opened his mouth, but no words came out, so he looked away again. "You... I don't know, could you come with me? You don't have to, I've been thinking about it for a couple of days, but—"

 

"Of course I'd go with you, Gabi," came the alpha's soft reply.

 

Gabriel looked back at him and for a second realized that his body didn't hurt so much at that moment. He felt reassurance from the way Nico looked at him. 

 

 

 

Chapter 2: Almost. It's a big word for me, I feel it everywhere. Almost happy, almost changed.

Notes:

I would like to say that I have no medical knowledge beyond what I have seen in movies and TV shows, lol. I would also like to remind you that my native language is not English, so if there is anything confusing in this chapter, it's not my fault. Well, technically it is, but anyway. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the chapter, thank you for your comments!

Gabriel's leg wouldn't stop shaking as he sat in the chair at the private clinic. He had made a private appointment to stay away from any cameras or anything like that, and Nico was sitting quietly beside him, but his presence was still somewhat comforting. They were in an empty room, waiting for the blood test results to be ready, and the silence hung around them like a heavy fog that continued to make Gabriel nervous.

 

Still, his skin remained burning hot, and he found himself pulling his shirt away from his skin a little, trying to ease the harsh contact against his skin. He felt sensitive, as if the fabric of his shirt was painfully ripping his skin every time it came into contact. It hurt, his throat was dry, and there was a bottle of water next to his foot, which Gabriel hadn't even touched because he didn't have the courage to fill his stomach with water at that moment. The apprehension was overwhelming; he felt so nervous that his limbs ached with anxiety.

 

It didn't take him long to make an appointment, and Nico's encouragement and support helped him in a comforting way too, so two days later, there they were. Throughout this time, a headache had begun to settle in at the back of his skull, as if his entire head was slowly being crushed. He kept massaging his temple in silence, the back of his eyes felt infinitely dry, as if the air was so dry that he could feel the back of his throat burning. He was tired, physically tired, mentally tired, tired of it all. He sighed softly, leaning his head against the cold wall by his side.

 

"Hey," Nico murmured, pressing his own knee against Gabriel's leg, which continued to move up and down, trembling. "It's going to be okay," he whispered softly.

 

It was easy for Nico to say; he wasn't the one who ruined his own body by trying to escape something he probably shouldn't have tried to escape in the first place. He quickly clenched his lips at the unkind thought, and felt a bit disappointed with himself. He knew Nico was only trying to help, but the constant pain throughout his entire body didn't help his situation, and his temper was getting worse and worse. All of this was extremely infuriating, to say the least. He exhaled through his nose, pressing his knee back into Nico's knee. "Thanks for being here, Nico," he muttered.

 

Nico smiled kindly at him, as gentle and calm as ever, the same Nico as always. He was still the same, even at that moment. That sometimes made Gabriel a little cranky, because how could an alpha like that be real? It was like staring at a dream that had materialized in the real world, and now Gabriel could never dream of anything else but him. The thought, however, made him blink several times. He was sincerely tired of feeling frustrated every time he thought something like that about Nico. It was just awful of him, like he had this never-ending crush on the guy, while Nico was a single alpha, older, healthy, and available to all the other omegas, betas, and even alphas in the world.

 

"You know you can always rely on me, Gabi." Nico said softly to him. "I also need my teammate by my side so I can keep annoying him, yeah?" he raised his eyebrows.

 

Gabriel let out a slight chuckle muffled by his mouth, licking his dry lips. "Yes, you're great at that. You'd be in the lead when it comes to being annoying."

 

Nico put a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended. "How dare you compliment me in such a way, Gabriela?" he said in disbelief, smiling.

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes, smiling, but that peaceful, comforting moment lasted less than half a second before a wave of intense pain tore through his lower abdomen. He instinctively curled up against the wall, moving away from Nico a little, sliding an arm around his own belly, and fell silent. Always quiet, always completely silent, as if trying to keep his pain to himself for the rest of his life. He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw as the pain shot right under his arm.

 

The change in Gabriel's expression was so sudden and more than enough to worry Nico further. He kept a close eye on the omega, and wished he could do more, anything, but he didn't know how to help him. He didn't even know where to start. Nico clenched his teeth, there was a part of him that was deeply distressed by seeing the omega in such a bad state and not being able to do anything. He exhaled deeply through his nose, tempted to approach him, to try to comfort him in any way he possibly could. He pressed his shoulder gently against Gabriel's, noticing how the omega had been holding his breath.

 

Nico took a deep breath, still looking at Gabriel, in silence. Gabriel stared at his own feet, clearly in a state of anguish, his face was slightly red, and his skin looked sweaty. Nico took another deep breath, pressing his shoulder a little closer to Gabi's, which made the omega look at him slowly, blinking. Nico exhaled, then inhaled deeply again, maintaining eye contact. Gabriel frowned briefly, then suddenly exhaled through his mouth as well. Nico smiled warmly and inhaled, relieved when Gabriel copied him, slowly taking deep breaths just like the alpha.

 

They remained like that for a brief minute, breathing deeply, facing each other without looking away, as if it were the only right thing to do at that moment. The anguish Gabriel felt eased a little, just as the pain became more distant, turning into a frustrating discomfort. He blinked again and couldn't help but look away, breathing slowly. Gabriel sighed through his nose, grunting weakly, no longer able to bear it all. "Is there anything I can do?" Nico's soft voice reached his ears. "You're in... pain again, is there anything I can do?"

 

Gabriel didn't look at him, he was so tired. He wanted to have some kind of answer for Nico, he wanted to be able to say something, ask for anything. The problem was that he didn't even know if there was any way he could help him. With a soft, sad sound from the back of his throat, Gabriel laid his head on Nico's shoulder and closed his eyes. "I'm so tired, Nico..."

 

"I know..." Nico murmured, tilting his head and pressing his chin against Gabriel's curls. "We'll be back at the hotel soon, and you can get some sleep."

 

Yes, sleep in sheets that scratched his skin, in a room that was too hot, where even the cold breeze from the air conditioner didn't seem to help him. Yes, he would return to the room alone and stay there alone, unable to sleep because the discomfort crept deep into his core as if it were becoming part of him. Yes, he would in fact sleep a little, obviously... Gabriel said nothing, just suppressed a sad sigh.

 

He remained silent for a few minutes, then quickly moved away from Nico when he heard the Doctors' office door open. He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself. "Gabriel Bortoleto?" the Doctor called him, walking out the door.

 

"Yes." Gabriel stood up from his chair, trying to remain calm, even though he could already feel his heart racing again.

 

"You can come in," the Doctor gestured to him, smiling gently.

 

The Doctor was a female omega named Aisha, with gentle eyes who seemed peaceful in a way Gabriel had never been. He sighed, glanced briefly at Nico, who nodded reassuringly at Gabriel. Gabriel inhaled, then moved.

 

(. . .)

 

"So, Gabriel," she began, sitting calmly in the chair behind a desk. She gestured for him to sit in the chair opposite her desk. He sat down, trying to control the trembling in his legs. She picked up a piece of paper in her hands. "Your medical report says you complained of pain and discomfort in your lower abdomen, a persistent feeling of thirst, overheating, constantly sweating, nausea, dizziness, insomnia, headaches, mood swings, and exhaustion," she said, staring at the paper in her hands.

 

He just nodded, swallowing hard. Dr. Aisha looked at him, "I also have the results of the blood tests that were done, and partially, you have a very high percentage of suppressants in your blood."

 

He remained silent, but looked away. "For an omega of your age, the normal percentage of suppressants would be at least thirty-five point nine nine percent less," she continued, calmly but gently. "That being the case, it is clinic policy that I must ask you if you are aware of this, or if the situation is of a more critical nature, in which case we would be ready to offer to direct you to shelter facilities for omegas that are—"

 

"I am aware," Gabriel said weakly. "I know, I am responsible for this."

 

A brief pause. "Okay," she replied neutrally. "In that case, you need to be aware that neglecting your heat cycle like this is seriously harmful to your health." Dr. Aisha adjusted her posture in her chair. "Your body is currently overheating, unable to function normally because the suppressants you're taking are blocking any chance it has to operate at all."

 

She examined the papers on the table for another moment. "You are suffering from severe dehydration, hormonal dysfunction, which is likely causing the persistent mood swings, and—um... This means that some of your symptoms are caused by the hormones deficiency. And severe dehydration often causes dizziness, nausea, headache, dry skin, persistent thirst, and low blood pressure. Which, in this case, could turn into an even worse matter if it persists for longer. And..."

 

She looked up and stared at him. "I need to ask you, when was the last time you went into heat?"

 

Gabriel licked his lips, looked at his feet, at the table, at the wall, hesitated, cleared his throat, all at the same time. "Um... I've only been in heat once."

 

Aisha didn't react much other than sighing softly, which made Gabriel swallow hard. His throat was deadly dry. "And when exactly was that?"

 

"Five years ago," he said, and his voice sounded distant even to him. "And I know... I know that omegas need to have three heat cycles a year for mental and physical health reasons."

 

She nodded, placing her hands on the table calmly. "Right... Okay, just one thing, when did this pain start, when did all this begin?"

 

Gabriel thought for a moment. "I started feeling a little strange at the beginning of the year. I've spent many years of my life without feeling anything particularly bad, apart from, you know, loneliness, but anyway, it was... getting worse... However, the pain only started a few days ago," he murmured.

 

"And when did you meet your partner? The one who was sitting with you outside?"

 

Gabriel's blood boiled in his veins, he raised his eyebrows, his leg trembled slightly. "He's not—he's not my... my partner," he stammered, almost choking on his own words.

 

Dr. Aisha looked at him, appearing sympathetic and understanding at the same time. "Okay. I see," she nodded calmly. "Did you happen to meet him at the beginning of the year as well?"

 

Gabriel hesitated, gripping the edge of the chair. "... yes," he said quietly. "—Why?"

 

She just nodded and then typed something on the keyboard. "Do you often make nests, keep yourself in a comfortable environment where you can express your feelings freely?" she asked.

 

He bit his lip. "I mean... I, um, I don't exactly express anything at all. And no, I don't nest."

 

She continued typing, nodding again. "How often do you seek comfort? In others or by yourself."

 

God, this was only getting worse. "Never... I think. I mean, I don't know, I... I don't seek comfort in other people, but, huh, I sometimes feel this need, you know." He shrugged, shrinking into himself. "And when I feel this need, I just... ignore it... or I take extra suppressants."

 

He opened his mouth to continue, but remained silent, deadly hesitant. Dr. Aisha, however, looked at him and waited patiently. He made a struggling face. "Sometimes I... Sometimes my friend comforts me. The one who was outside. Sometimes... I just go to him. We're friends, so, huh, I don't know. I feel... a suffocating need, sometimes.. "

 

She gave him an understanding look. "That's completely normal. From what you've told me, your body and your brain have made a connection that your friend is someone you can trust in a more intimate way. "

 

Gabriel scratched his head, biting the inside of his cheek. "Huh... I guess so."

 

"Just one more question... I know it's disconcerting, but I need to ask these questions for an accurate diagnosis that will provide you with effective treatment."

 

Gabriel just sighed, nodding, he was about to tear his own lips off from how much he kept biting them. "I understand."

 

"Have you ever felt sexually attracted to him?"

 

For a moment, there was only silence. Gabriel blinked. "Huh," he whispered, frowning.

 

"I request that you answer honestly, it is essential at this time."

 

Gabi rubbed his face, looking at the floor. Oh, God. Fucking hell. "I mean... yes... Yeah, I have."

 

She stopped typing and smiled a little, firmly. "Okay, well, thank you for answering." Dr. Aisha inhaled. "So, from all of this, I can say that your body has been trying to go into heat for some time now, and... it's not exactly succeeding."

 

Silence, then: "What?" Gabriel held his breath.

 

"It's normal in cases like this, when a neglected omega is introduced to a potential mate who makes them feel safer, even confident, or comfortable in a way they've never felt before, it's possible for their body to react to that, instinctively wishing for a connection." She paused briefly. "It's not specifically to become mates. In your case, your basic needs have been put aside for so long that your body and subconscious are now struggling to keep up now that your friend is around."

 

Gabriel frowned hard, incredulous. "W-what... I—" His head was spinning around with the "potential mate" thing for long, tormenting seconds, and he let out an exasperated, shocked sigh from deep in his throat. "What, are you saying that all of this is because... because of—him?"

 

She inhaled softly. "This is all happening because you've neglected your own biology so much that your body has decided to start fighting back against you. Your rational mind feels safe with your friend, safe enough to trigger a natural response inside you." Her words were calm and firm. "I know it can be scary, especially in cases of possible trauma, where the omega sees no option but to deprive themselves of anything that could be seen as vulnerability. "

 

Gabriel frowned. "No... No, I don't think... That's not my case, I just—I had more important things to do... I mean, no, I didn't mean that, that was rude...I just, I had to do this—"

 

"I don't judge you for whatever reasons you may possibly have, truly. I understand that life, as it is, is still extremely difficult, even in the present day." Her voice was increasingly soft. "Still, you must understand that this is not happening because of him. The very presence of that alpha may actually have been the best thing that could have happened to you this year." She said with a voice heavy with sincerity. "Given the fact that if you had remained this way for a little while longer, the outcome could have been much worse."

 

Gabriel looked away, huffing through his nose, jaw clenched, eyes stone cold, and a severe frown between his eyebrows. He remained silent, trying to process the information. "I don't know, I just thought it would be easier... I thought it simply didn't—didn't matter."

 

She smiled sadly at him. "I understand. There are several different reasons that can turn these aspects of your life, which are so natural, into something that seems completely indifferent, alienated."

 

He nodded, that colder, more bitter look in his eyes slowly fading and being replaced by something far more exhausted. Defeated.

 

"I know it can be frightening and I understand that it can be confusing," she confirmed. "But I must inform you that your situation will only deteriorate if you choose to persist in taking suppressants as a form of defense mechanism. While your body is attempting to comprehend your friend's proximity, it is also being obstructed by the excessive use of suppressants. In other cases, it would be recommended to simply reduce the amount of pills, but in your case, it is necessary that you stop taking them completely, as soon as possible."

 

Gabriel bit his tongue hard, closing his eyes. "And what happens if I... don't do that? If I don't s-stop."

 

She looked at him seriously. "Your body will collapse, your body temperature will continue to increase, your subconscious would shut down to try to protect you from stress and pain... And the pain would become unbearable. As your body continues to overheat, if you were to continue like this for a few more months, there would be a risk of multiple organ failure. You also risk becoming infertile, or, if the condition persists, there is a real possibility that you could end up sterile. You may even be unable to mate and suffer from chronic pain." she said, her voice a little lower.

 

"Unfortunately, the number of young people around your age experiencing similar situations has increased significantly in the last few years. Still, there are few cases that lead to such extreme circumstances, but Gabriel, the pain you feel is just one of the signs of how hard your body is fighting to keep functioning."

 

Gabriel lowered his eyes to the floor, his teeth grinding so hard that his jaw ached. "If you're not comfortable with the idea, it's not exactly necessary for you to go through this heat accompanied by someone else. There are many ways for omegas to experience sexual pleasure nowadays." She continued to look at him patiently. "Or if you prefer something less intimate and purely professional, there are contacts for projects involving people willing to help you in moments of such vulnerability, providing you with the non-sexual comfort you need."

 

Gabriel just shook his head negatively, sighing heavily. "No... I don't think I want that, but... I appreciate the information."

 

She nodded silently, resting her elbow on the table. "I must inform you, however, that due to the years you have remained distant from this aspect of your life, your heat will be much more intense than it usually is for omegas." She sighed quietly. "And the act of discontinuing the use of improperly-taken suppressants can often be very unpleasant, according to the amount that was being taken before."

 

Yes, great, that was just what he needed, simply wonderful. Gabriel remained silent.

 

"Going through this naturally would be recommended. The use of other medications, painkillers, or similar drugs would be prejudicial to your health, and that is what we are trying to avoid. However, the pain will not linger. After being in heat, you will feel weak for a few days, you will also feel uncomfortable, anguished and anxious because your body will be working hard to adjust to the sudden change. But you will be pain-free. By stopping the overuse of suppressants, your body will struggle with it for a few weeks, or even months, but once the process is over, you will feel brand new. "

 

Her eyes still transmitted understanding. "Still, I can recommend other methods to make the process more tolerable. Among them are nesting, resting in a comfortable and safe environment, being close to people who comfort you, sharing things with familiar scents, staying well hydrated, eating foods with vitamins, such as fruits, vegetables, and others." Dr. Aisha said. "It is also highly recommended that you stay away from any sources of stress. Your body is actively struggling to continue producing hormones, just as your pheromones are currently being suppressed. Continued exposure to chronic stress can permanently damage your mental health."

 

Gabriel massaged the middle of his forehead, curling up even further in his chair. His eyes were distant, tired. Completely defeated.

 

There was a brief, heavy silence: "You don't have to do this alone, you know," she said, her tone less formal.

 

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, his lower lip trembling. "I've done everything alone my whole life."

 

She just gave him a slightly sad but understanding smile. "A lifetime is a terribly long time... Too long for anyone."

 

"I know," he mumbled, closing his eyes and pressing his fingertips against his eyelids. "I... I know," he repeated once more, low and tired.

 

"... Your friend seems to care about you," she pointed out calmly.

 

"He does care," Gabriel chuckled softly and sadly. "He really does care..."

 

"That's good," she nodded. "It's always nice to have someone who cares about you around."

 

Gabriel agreed, quietly. He felt he needed some time, a moment to think, to reason, to understand and accept what was happening. His brain was racing, no coherent thoughts were crossing his mind. God, he couldn't believe this was happening.

 

"... So, look, if you effectively stop taking suppressants today, or tomorrow, your heat should happen in six days." she informed him, remaining calm. "I know it can be frustrating, but it's really necessary, Gabriel. It's really not too late."

 

Gabriel didn't want to disagree. There was no reason to. He knew it was necessary; he had been running away from it all for too long. "Okay... I understand," he whispered.

 

"And I know that in moments like this, irrationality speaks louder. So... don't isolate yourself, don't push away those who care about you. Don't go through this alone, it will only cause you more pain," she said emphatically. "Comfort yourself during your heat, don't try to neglect it, even if you prefer to go through it alone, make sure you spend the pre-heat period together with people who can provide you with comfort, or close to things that comfort you. I understand that it can be a frustrating and unbearable process, but you will feel better soon. Practicing these things can significantly reduce your distress."

 

He just nodded again, so tired of fighting against all this. "How many... How many days will this heat last?"

 

"Three to five days," Dr. Aisha says. "Usually it's three, but your case is a little more severe, so it will be five, and on the sixth day, you will probably feel too tired to do certain activities that are usually routine for you, so just rest, sleep, hydrate, and keep yourself well fed."

 

Gabriel blinked a few times and rubbed his face quickly. "And... what do I do after that?"

 

"I'll schedule another appointment for you. We'll do more tests right after your heat cycle to monitor how you're doing, and we'll start hormone treatment to help you regulate your own body and other aspects that are currently dysfunctional. In addition, you will have to stay away from suppressants for the next few years, which means that your heat cycles need to be allowed to keep happening." She quickly typed on the keyboard again. "That way, your heat cycles will become less intense and last for a normal period of days, so in general, you're going to be... healthy."

 

He took a deep breath. So that was it... There was no turning back. "Okay... All right... I–I'll do it."

 

She smiled kindly at him and nodded. "What we'll do now is put you in a comfortable room for immediate treatment with an IV to replace fluids, preventing permanent damage. You will have to stay here for the rest of the night so we can keep an eye on you. The administration of saline solution and other electrolyte substances directly into the vein helps to restore fluid and electrolyte volume in cases of dehydration. "

 

"Okay," he muttered, fidgeting with his hands. Then he looked at her through his eyelashes, hesitant. "I... do I have to stay there alone?" he asked, low, small, embarrassed.

 

She looked at him as if it were sad to see him ask that, even though she didn't know him that well. "No, you don't have to... Your friend can stay with you for as long as you need."

 

He sighed, unable to stop himself from feeling relieved.

 

(. . .)

 

He left the room with a lowered head, letting out a quiet sigh. His eyes lifted when Nico stood up from the chair he had been sitting in for the last hour. He approached with long steps, a look of deep apprehension and concern on his face. "Hey—" he began.

 

Gabriel looked away, coughing softly. "I, uh, I'm going to have to stay here for the rest of the night." he interrupted before Nico had a chance to say anything. He didn't want to talk about it now; he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about anything at all.

 

Nico frowned, looking even more concerned. He opened his mouth, and Gabriel found himself interrupting him again. "You don't have to stay, I'll need IV fluids... I'm, uh, dehydrated." He muttered, sounding almost ashamed. "So, yeah, I'll stay for a while. We're not too far from the hotel, so I think I'll just walk back first thing in the morning, and then I'll head straight to the paddock."

 

Nico stared at him, trying to process it. "I–I can stay, if you want." The words flowed quickly. "I mean, can I? Stay?"

 

Gabriel blinked a few times, looking at the alpha. " Do you... really want to stay?" he asked, visibly confused.

 

Now Nico looked confused by the fact that Gabriel looked confused. "Yeah, of course, Gabi. " he nodded without delay. "Of course I want to stay."

 

The omega inhaled, then stared at the floor. He wondered if that should mean something. Because it really felt like it meant something.

 

(. . .)

 

Gabriel was leaning back on the stretcher, staring silently at the ceiling for a few minutes. His arm was stretched out at his side, the IV needle already inserted into his arm. His other arm was resting on his stomach, and he was currently fighting the urge to sleep. Gabriel heard Nico moving in the chair next to him and immediately felt bad for the alpha, pressing his lips tightly together. He turned his head a little toward Nico, looking at the blond man. Nico was leaning back in his chair, his legs crossed, staring at the floor as if he were deeply absorbed in his thoughts. There was a frown between his eyebrows that hadn't gone away all day. It only made Gabriel feel worse.

 

"Are you okay?" Gabriel whispered, very quiet and soft.

 

Gabriel's voice startled Nico a little, and he blinked several times, trying to snap out of his own head. The alpha looked at him, then smiled sadly, his eyebrows almost drawn together in an upset facial expression. "You're suffering and you still ask if I'm okay," Nico whispered more to himself, shaking his head. He exhaled through his nose, and leaned toward Gabriel. "I was supposed to be asking you that... How are you feeling, Gabi?"

 

Gabriel looked at him through his eyelashes, biting his tongue a little. "Tired," he admitted again. "I could really use a few hours of sleep right now."

 

"You could sleep a little." Nico moved close enough to reach out and hold Gabriel's hand if he had the courage to do so. "It's late, but we're still going to stay here for a few more hours. I'll wake you up if necessary."

 

"But... but what about you? Aren't you going to sleep?"

 

"Hey, don't worry about me," Nico assured him gently. "You know how I am, I can survive with only a few hours of sleep."

 

Gabriel didn't like the idea, but God, he was so tired. He wanted to allow himself to have this, at least this once. At least this one time. "Nico... I'm not sure if—" he whispered, extremely hesitant.

 

"It's okay," Nico insisted with a calm, confident tone. "Don't worry, just get some sleep. After all, you need to have your beauty sleep, don't you? "

 

Gabriel smiled softly at him, leaning his head back. Despite everything, he felt weightless. He had been having trouble falling asleep for some time, and now he felt so calm that it seemed that if he closed his eyes, he would instantly fall asleep. "You're very kind, Nico." Gabriel breathed. "Why are you so kind?"

 

The blond man chuckled softly, studying Gabriel's soft features. "I think you're getting a little slow from lack of sleep," he hummed gently. "Get some sleep, okay?"

 

Gabriel nodded slowly, trying to keep his eyes open. "Thank you... um... for not asking any questions." He hesitated.

 

"I'll be here when you're ready to talk. The absolute last thing you need right now is to feel under any pressure. Besides, you know I'm not going anywhere," Nico replied. "You know that."

 

Gabriel looked into Nico's eyes and couldn't help but be a little surprised when he saw pure sincerity in such an intense way that it made Gabriel swallow hard. He gave a little smile. "Yeah... I know," he whispered.

 

He closed his eyes, and five minutes later, he was asleep. He thought he felt something touch his hand, but Gabriel was too busy falling asleep to really notice it.

 

(. . .) 

 

A gentle hand on Nico's shoulder woke him up. He adjusted his posture, a little startled, blinking and clicking his tongue. He looked at where he was leaning, and dammit, he had fallen asleep with his head resting on Gabriel's shoulder. Shit, he moved away from the stretcher carefully, squinting his eyes in fear of waking him up. He heard a soft sound beside him and looked in that direction, still focused on not waking Gabriel.

 

Dr. Aisha's calm eyes looked at him, papers in her hand. She gestured with her head to Nico, who understood the message, so he slowly got up from the chair and followed the doctor out of the room.

 

"Well, I would like to inform you that there is one more fluid bag to conclude the treatment for today, and then you may go home," she said calmly. "Breakfast will be provided shortly, if you could wake him up."

 

"Yes, yes, I'll do that." He tried to stop himself from yawning, pressing one hand against his face. He rubbed his eyes with his other hand and hesitated a little, looking down at his feet. "I... I, um, I wanted to ask something, if that's possible—"

 

She looked at him patiently. "There are strict regulations regarding the patient's privacy—"

 

"Yes, yes, I understand that," he murmured, biting his lower lip. "I just...  Um, I guess I just needed to know if he's going to be okay." Nico says quietly, hesitant, fearful. "He kept it to himself all this time and didn't say a word about what was going on, and well, that's just awful, because I knew he was acting differently, I noticed it, but I..."

 

Nico swallowed hard. "Anyway, yes, I know, it's all complicated... I do understand." He sighed, looking at Gabriel, who was still asleep.

 

"Look... I still can't tell you anything, but... I can assure you that we will do everything possible to help him. To help him get better," she said. "Your friend is in good hands."

 

He continued to look at Gabriel, exhaling softly. Yes, right, he would be fine. His... friend would be fine.

 

(. . .)

 

Gabriel had left the clinic early in the morning, yawning, with Nico by his side. He scratched his head with one hand and rubbed his eyes with the other, avoiding moving his slightly sensitive arm too much. Somehow, he had woken up feeling a little better, in a better mood despite everything that had happened in the last few days. He was still avoiding thinking too much, because he felt that if he started thinking, he wouldn't be able to stop and would have some kind of mental breakdown. He looked at Nico beside him and sighed when the other man looked back at him with his usual gentle smile. It was still infuriating how much Gabriel liked to see that alpha smile. "Ready to go?"

 

"Yep." Gabriel mumbled, giving Nico a gentle pat on the shoulder, who returned the touch and squeezed his wrist softly.

 

(. . .)

 

Gabriel had another appointment scheduled in in fourteen days, Two days right after his heat cycle. Before leaving for the paddock, Gabriel stared at the bottle of suppressants in his bag for several minutes, sitting on the bed in his hotel room with a tired look on his face. He exhaled furiously through his nose, forcing himself to look away. He knew what he had to do, but that didn't make things any easier. Nico had texted him saying he had been waiting outside for a few minutes, and yet there Gabriel was.

 

He was still pondering what Dr. Aisha had said to him before leaving. She suggested that he start thinking about seeing a therapist, saying it would be a great help in his recovery. Gabriel had sighed and then asked in a shy manner if he couldn't just talk to her instead; she smiled sadly at him and told him that this wasn't her area of expertise, but that they would still talk at their next appointments.

 

His phone vibrated next to him and another text notification appeared on the screen. Nico's name was the first thing Gabriel read. He quickly looked away, grunted softly, grabbed the bottle of suppressants from his bag, and walked with determination to the bathroom. He stopped next to the trash, grinding his teeth. Do it... Just fucking do it, he whispered to himself. Gabriel threw the suppressants in the trash and quickly walked out of the bathroom before he could change his mind. He grabbed his things and practically ran to meet Nico.

 

(. . .)

 

There were many negative aspects to this whole situation. But the fact that he would be going into heat two days after his last race of the year was one of the only less negative aspects he could think of at that moment.

 

He could do his final race of the year and then he could get through this. He could do it, he knew he could, the next four days were crucial. And the sixth would be even more. Gabriel knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew it would be a terrible week, but he knew he could get through it. In a way, he knew he should stay away from stress, but that was what he did, who he was. Gabriel could even take the initiative to try to do the things he was told, but certain things simply couldn't be done. He would get through this without making a big deal out of it, and then everything would be fine. Yes, that's what he would do.

 

(. . .)

 

The day proceeded quite normally, despite Gabriel's mind not being particularly at ease. He could feel Nico's eyes burning into his skin throughout the day, which was somewhat disconcerting, as he understood that the alpha might be concerned, but he still did not feel ready to discuss the matter. Not with him, nor with anyone else. However, he had five days to try to ease his suffering, which was imperative, so he knew that at some point, some kind of conversation would have to happen. Still, later that day, he found himself heading to the Haas garage, looking for Ollie for some reason he couldn't quite understand.

 

As soon as Ollie saw him, however, a look of concern spread across his face. He approached calmly, directing Gabriel to a more private corner. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows, shrinking back a little. "Shit, do I look that bad?" he muttered.

 

"You look a little pale, but I recognize that look in your eyes from a mile away." Ollie looked at him intently. "Did something happen?"

 

Gabriel glanced over Ollie's shoulder, quickly looking away, deadly hesitant. "I..." he murmured. "I don't want to talk about it here."

 

"Okay, that's okay." Ollie nodded. "Come on, let's go somewhere more private."

 

Ollie took him to his driver's room, where Gabriel couldn't help but sit down on the floor against the nearest wall, settling himself near the small table there. Ollie sat down beside him without hesitation, a little quiet. Gabriel said nothing for several long seconds, fiddling with the laces of his shoes. He sighed softly, rubbing his face with his other hand. "When you said that friends comfort each other..." he began. "Did you really mean that? Like... Would you do that?"

 

Ollie stared at him, looking a little confused. "Yes, Gabi... Of course I meant that," he said calmly.

 

"And would you? Would you do that for... me?"

 

Oliver blinked, frowning. "Gabi, you're my closest friend," he murmured. "I'd do anything to help you, you know that. I care about you a lot."

 

Gabriel nodded, biting his lower lip. He closed his eyes briefly, clearing his throat, feeling that tightness around his neck every time he tried to open up. "Um... I've been having some problems lately," he whispered as quietly as possible. "And that means I don't feel particularly... great."

 

Ollie moved a little closer to him on the floor, patiently. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Gabriel shook his head. "No, I don't... I can't do that right now." He breathed. "I just needed... I don't know... I really don't know what I need, and that scares me a little."

 

The beta nodded gently, sighing softly. "I could... I could give you a hug, if you like. "

 

Gabriel glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, breathing softly through his nose, then stared at the floor again. "I think... I think that would be nice. Right?"

 

"Hugs are always nice." Ollie muttered, looking confused and sad at the same time because Gabriel looked so hesitant when it came to being comforted. He had never noticed it before, but the way his friend avoided this aspect was worrying, not to mention the fact that he didn't even know exactly what to do to comfort himself. It was deeply sad.

 

"I know, I've hugged people before," Gabriel muttered, scratching his neck. "It's just... Not with that purpose. To be comforted. At least not often... It's been a little while, to be honest. "

 

Ollie was silent for a few seconds. "I think the worst part of all this is realizing that you're absolutely serious," he whispered. "Gabi..." he began, in a lower, more sympathetic tone.

 

"I don't want to talk about it now," Gabriel said quickly, quietly. "I can't... Not now."

 

"Okay, I'm sorry," Ollie murmured. "We won't talk about it, then."

 

Gabriel fell silent again, his face looking almost as if all this was causing him physical pain. Ollie sighed, stretching out his arms. "Come here, come into my arms." He smiled, opening his arms wider.

 

The omega looked at him incredulously, then smiled, rolling his eyes. Gabriel approached cautiously, until he found himself pressing his face against Ollie's shoulder, resting against the beta. Ollie wrapped his arms around him as Gabriel slid an arm around his ribs. For a few seconds, silence filled the room. Gabriel breathed calmly, eyes open, staring at the wall behind Ollie. He was still nervous, frowning. "Now what?" Gabriel whispered quietly against him.

 

"Now you relax and take a deep breath," Ollie murmured.

 

Gabriel slowly did what he said, inhaled deeply through his nose, closed his eyes, and let the weight of his body fall against Ollie's. He felt Ollie's hand gently caressing his back as he continued to breathe softly. Even more slowly, Gabriel found himself relaxing, his body getting heavier and heavier. He pressed his forehead against Ollie's shoulder in silence, feeling most of the muscles in his body relax; It was... good. He felt like he could finally breathe deeply again, so he stretched his back a little and rubbed his face against the beta's shoulder without thinking too much about it. He felt pleasantly warm, and his fingertips tingled softly.

 

The beta hummed softly and one of his hands reached up to stroke Gabriel's curls. That, however, was what made him melt against the beta. He felt his limbs go limp and an intense feeling of tranquillity consume his body. He felt so calm that it was confusing. Ollie didn't need to say anything, he just stayed there, hugging him. Gabriel's head went quiet and that general discomfort in his body faded a little. Instead, serenity took its place. 

 

 

Chapter 3: My memories love you; it asks about you all the time

Notes:

I was thinking about how this fanfic was originally supposed to have only three chapters, but I wrote more than I should have lol.

Gabriel's legs trembled a bit the next day. Not in a way that prevented him from walking or standing properly, but in a way that made him feel almost off balance every time he got up from somewhere he had been sat down. It was as if his legs had realized that the rest of his entire body was out of alignment, and now they had decided to join the horror show. His legs weren't exactly shaking from weakness, though, at least not yet. They were shaking from anxiety, as if his limbs were experiencing a type of electric voltage every second, and he wasn't getting a break.

 

He had just headed out for a morning scooter ride when Fernando stopped him midway, gently grabbing his arm to hold him steady. "Hey, how's it going buddy?" the alfa smiled calmly at him.

 

Gabriel slowed down, moving his scooter alongside him. "I'm all right, what about you, Nando?"

 

"All good, everything set for your last race of the year?"

 

"Yeah." Gabriel nodded, eyes lowered, throat dry. He probably should have grabbed a bottle of water. "I'm up and ready, feeling confident." He smiled at Fernando.

 

"That's the spirit, kiddo." Fernando gave his shoulder a little squeeze, giving him a bright smile. "This is how you start the day, right? "

 

Gabriel smiled back, feeling a little more relaxed by the interaction. Still, as if the universe was determined to continue punishing him, he found himself tripping over his own feet when that vast, heavy, unpleasant feeling took hold of his bones. He grunted softly and, despite his trembling limbs, quickly regained his balance, Fernando's hand on his shoulder helping him, and he tried to get back to walking in a discreet manner, looking around, praying that everyone was too busy to notice the way he was sure his face had suddenly turned pale.

 

"Hey, hey." Alonso moved his hand from his shoulder to the middle of his back, walking calmly beside him. The alpha glanced concerned at the omega. "Are you okay? What was that?"

 

Gabriel smiled weakly, holding the scooter in his hands more tightly. "It was nothing, I only tripped," he muttered, trying to act normal.

 

Alonso frowned. "Jesus, kid, you just got as pale as a ghost all of a sudden, that's not nothing," he whispered softly. "Let's sit down somewhere more private and quiet, huh?"

 

Gabriel tried to keep walking. "It is nothing, I'm fine—"

 

Nando just moved him gently. "Gabriel," he scolded him with a paternal tone that never failed to convince Gabriel to obey. Gabriel sighed.

 

(. . .)

 

They had taken a seat at a table in a quieter, more private area, near a tree that provided them with some pleasant shelter. Gabriel exhaled, sitting down in his chair and noticing how his legs trembled slightly under the table. He tried to make them stop, but Alonso sat down next to him instead of across the table, and the confusion in his gaze only increased when he saw Gabriel press his hands against his knees and push his feet down against the floor. "What's going on, Gabi?"

 

Gabriel looked into the distance, feeling fatally agitated. He was thirsty too, so he tried to clear his throat: "Nothing is happening," he murmured. "I don't know why you're making this into something much bigger than it actually is."

 

"Because you're very good at making things seem like they aren't as bad as they really are." Alonso replied calmly, but with concern. "Come on, talk to me."

 

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, breathing through his nose. "It's... personal stuff," he muttered.

 

"Okay." Alonso nodded, hesitating. "Do these personal stuff affect your physical health, by any chance?"

 

Gabriel just looked away even more, resting his elbow on the table. "Maybe," he whispered. "But not for long, so I'm fine," he said quickly.

 

Fernando didn't seem convinced at all, the facial lines on his face became even more tense. "Have you gotten medical help?"

 

"Yes." Gabriel murmured, running a finger along the table with a distracted look. "And they've already done everything there is to do." He shrugged.

 

Alonso leaned against the table, frowning deeply, he appeared to be in disbelief. "What is that supposed to mean?"

 

The omega scratched his chin, hesitant. "I mean, I don't know... it means that eventually I'll get better." He licked his dry lips.

 

The alpha seemed to consider his words, as if trying to solve a puzzle. He swallowed hard. "Does that also mean that... What, you're just going to keep experiencing whatever it is you're experiencing for at least a while?"

 

"M-hm." He nodded, clearing his throat, trying to ignore how the roof of his mouth felt like it was on fire. "You don't need to worry about that, though." He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Fernando.

 

"Of course I'm going to worry." Alonso exhaled, rubbing his face with concern. "Is there anything I can do for you, Gabriel?" he breathed. "I know you probably won't talk about it, so the least I can do for you is offer you any kind of help."

 

He looked around for a moment and inhaled, his thirst increasing dramatically, and the weather didn't exactly help. Gabriel scratched his nose, restless. "I'm really, really thirsty," he muttered, embarrassed.

 

(. . .)

 

Gabriel rested his head against the table after having his second bottle of water in the last thirty minutes. He closed his eyes and sighed, finally allowing himself to relax. Then, when he felt a soft but large hand on his head, he opened one eye and looked at Fernando sitting next to him. Fernando was softly stroking his curls, but he still had that look in his eyes that showed how worried he was. Still, the touch was so soothing that Gabriel just appreciated it. He smiled relaxed and pressed his cheek against the table a little harder.

 

Gabriel, despite everything, knew how to enjoy the small moments of comfort he had during the day. It wasn't as if he had that kind of thing often, so maybe that was why it seemed so special. He hummed softly from the back of his throat and closed both eyes again. That suffocating, agonizing feeling began to fade away slowly.

 

(. . .)

 

The problem is that Gabriel always relied on "just a little more." He could handle it on his own just a little more, he could endure it just a little longer, he could keep going just a little further. That's why, later In that same day, there he was, sitting on the floor of an empty, partly dark garage, right after a rather stressful day—which wasn't exactly fair—since everything in the last few months had been pretty stressful for him; yet there he was, alone, sitting on the floor back in the far corner with a bottle of water in his hands. He couldn't help but think about how the brief comfort Ollie had offered him the day before had been so effective, yet so temporary, in a way that left him even more distressed.

 

He knew he really could just go to his beta friend again, but he didn't want to. Not right now, at least. Don't get him wrong, he'd love the comfort, he craved it, he felt a need right in the middle of his chest that caused him genuine physical pain, but he knew the process itself would just be exhausting. He wasn't really in the mood to talk, or even be around another person. He knew that part of his behavior had been caused by the fact that he was off his suppressants, something that caused him pure anger at the end of the day. He never considered himself to be dependent on the thing, but still, there he was. Gabriel had always been a very stubborn human being, but apparently he was always able to overcome himself when it came to these things.

 

That was the third bottle of water he had had in the last hour while sitting there in silence. It was surprising, because for someone as easy to be around as Gabriel, he was still very much alone. He focused on staying hydrated, because that at least he could actually do. The thought was sad and bitter, causing him to let out a heavy, humorless chuckle amid the silence that echoed around him. It was more likely that his body temperature was just increasing due to the fact that he was sinking into stress at that moment. Gabriel squeezed the plastic bottle between his hands, the sound of the bottle being the only thing that really made any noise around him.

 

His legs were stretched out on the floor, his fingers tapped softly on the concrete, and loneliness burned in his throat like something slowly suffocating him. Gabriel scratched his throat as if that would make the feeling go away, almost like there was a snake around his neck that squeezed tighter every time he breathed. He took another sip of water and sighed softly through his nose, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. Gabriel stared at his feet for several minutes, with many thoughts running through his head, but one thought in particular kept coming back, and it was becoming increasingly impossible to ignore.

 

He wanted Nico to be there. Not any of his other friends, Max, Alonso, Franco, Ollie, no. Nico specifically. It was a thought that had taken hold deep within him, creeping through every inch of his limbs, consuming his bones, settling in his brain. He couldn't stop thinking about it, and he wasn't sure if even he wanted to. In a way, at the same time that it was driving him crazy, it was still able to comfort him, and it was quite telling that just thinking about Nico was... very comforting. He had never felt this way about anyone before, and he didn't even know it was possible to feel this way about someone.

 

He thought about resting his head on Nico's shoulder and closing his eyes, he thought about holding his hand and just touching every one of his fingers, Gabriel thought about Nico touching the back of his neck like that one time, he wanted that, he wanted to feel his hand against his skin, he wanted the alpha's touch to make him feel like his hands belonged on his body. He wanted to hug Nico, nestle in his arms and relax, he wanted to press his face against the alpha's chest and allow himself to belong there.

 

He wanted so many things that it was simply impossible to gather all those thoughts in just one head and not lose at least a little bit of sanity. Still, there was Gabriel, alone, with sweat running down his spine and his hands shaking a little as he held the plastic bottle. He had slept poorly that night, tossing and turning so many times that at some point he just gave up, grabbed some sheets and pillows, threw them on the floor, and laid down there. It wasn't a nest, because Gabriel didn't even bother to tidy up the sheets and pillows, he just curled up and slept hidden next to the bed. When he woke up, his body hurt and the pillows were scattered on the floor. That had not helped his current situation at all.

 

His skin felt like it was melting at certain times of the day, and his fingertips were on fire. His toes tingled, he was tired, and emotionally drained. Gabriel had been stuck in a state of emotional numbness for many years of his life, and now it had come back to haunt him. Well, if only it weren't the consequences of his own actions. Who would have thought? He spent a few more minutes there, sitting quietly, until he heard footsteps approaching. Gabriel became even quieter and hoped he was hidden well enough against the wall so that he couldn't be seen. He remained perfectly still and breathed slowly. Until a head full of blond hair entered his line of sight and Gabriel took a deep breath.

 

"I thought I might find you here." Nico's consistently gentle voice sounded pleasant to his ears. Seriously, how could even his voice be so nice? It wasn't fair.

 

"Here I am," Gabriel whispered and looked down at the bottle in his hands.

 

There was a brief silence, and Nico remained standing a short distance away from him. "May I sit next to you?" he asked patiently.

 

"No, that spot on the floor is reserved, much to your misfortune." Gabriel muttered, squeezing the plastic bottle tighter, making a loud noise.

 

Nico exhaled through his nose, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "That's a shame, that spot on the floor next to you looks very comfortable," he muttered back.

 

Gabriel lifted his head to look at him, with a tired, soft smile. He never won when it came to this, because he couldn't, he didn't want to. He patted the floor next to him a few times, clicking his tongue. "Okay, I'll make an exception for you. But just this once, yeah?"

 

Nico moved closer with a smile at the corner of his lips. He sat down next to Gabriel, looking at the omega. "You are always so generous, my dear fella."

 

Gabriel gave a smug look, leaning against the wall behind him and taking a deep breath. He settled down calmly and put the bottle aside, resting his hands on his stomach. They fell into a comfortable silence.

 

"I don't understand how you can stay sitting on this concrete for so long," Nico whispered beside him.

 

"I've always liked sitting on the floor," he murmured. "In the corner, somewhere quiet and hidden. It's nice."

 

A brief hesitation. It was clear that Nico was thinking carefully before saying anything. "Well, if it comforts you..." he scratched his chin. "But the thing that would really worry me would be if you told me you sleep on the floor as well. "

 

Gabriel didn't answer, but looked away.

 

Nico looked at him, then narrowed his eyes. "... Gabi?"

 

The omega shrugged, silent. "Well, maybe I did sleep on the floor last night."

 

Nico sighed, turning slightly toward him. "Gabriel, why would you—"

 

Gabriel scratched his neck again, not even looking at the alpha. "I couldn't sleep," he whispered, small and embarrassed. "I was tossing and turning so much on that mattress that I got angry," he continued, still avoiding eye contact.

 

Nico sighed softly beside him, leaning in a little closer.

 

"I don't know, I was so frustrated," he muttered. "You have no idea what it's like trying to sleep when–" He stopped mid-sentence, biting his tongue and lowering his head.

 

The alpha tilted his head a bit to the side, looking at the omega even as he kept his eyes lowered. The alpha's chest tightened at the way the omega seemed to be shrinking further into himself, as if his core was consumed by... shame. It was truly heartbreaking. "When...? Gabi?" he asked gently. "You can tell me."

 

Gabi bit his lower lip tightly, fighting the urge to close his eyes and strongly wish to disappear. He inhaled through his nose, licking his dry lips. "I just can't sleep," he whispered instead. "I don't know how to explain it to you." Because I feel so alone that it hurts. Because my body burns, and yet what really hurts the most is being alone.

 

Nico swallowed, thinking, he opened his mouth a few times but hesitated strongly to say anything. "Are you still... still experiencing pain?" he asked, sounding ultimately concerned.

 

Gabriel scratched his head, exhaling softly. "A little," he replied. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. At certain times of the day, his insides burned so much that it hurt, and sometimes it took a while to go away. Sometimes he felt so tired and had such a bad headache that he thought it would be impossible for it to get worse. And it usually did get worse. "Sometimes, but there's not much I can do about it." That, however, was a lie.

 

Nico looked at him, helpless, and that frown was between his eyebrows again. "I thought—" he murmured. "I thought you'd be better in a few days, but how is it possible that you seem to be getting worse?" he whispered, a little too softly for an alpha.

 

Gabriel turned his head briefly to meet the alpha's eyes and gave him a sad smile. God, he looked at Nico and suddenly felt such a strong urge to just... talk. To tell him everything, to trust him in the way he knew he could. Still, the possibility of being rejected was what would shatter him completely, and although Gabriel had never cared about that kind of thing, at that moment he was sure that rejection would ultimately break his heart; it wasn't a pleasant thought, it actually frightened him.

 

Yet, it was complicated that Nico didn't know that his situation would actually deteriorate in the next few days, and Gabriel would simply have to endure it. The omega sighed, fighting the urge to approach the alpha. He craved physical comfort so much that it hurt, and it was tragic, to say the least. Gabriel took another sip of water to avoid speaking for a brief moment; how the hell was he supposed to say that he has so many feelings for the alpha that it caused his body to have some kind of breakdown, and now he had to... deal with it?... He should probably follow Dr. Aisha's advice and see a therapist.

 

"I know I said I didn't want to pressure you into talking about anything. And I still mean that." Nico hummed quietly, in understanding. "But I'm afraid of keeping running into you in even more hidden places, all on your own."

 

Gabriel pushed the bottle away again, fidgeting with his hands, uneasy and clearly in a state of anguish. Somehow, Nico could see that the omega's anguish had only gotten worse. "I want to help, Gabi. I really do," he tried.

 

He looked at his own hands and his shoulders dropped, curling in on himself a little. "I know you want to help, Nico," he muttered. "I just don't know if I can allow myself to have such a thing." The words were heavy and carried more meaning than he could truly express.

 

This left Nico distinctly confused, as he was at a loss for words for several seconds. "I don't... I don't understand," he muttered in quiet confusion.

 

Gabriel knew this talk would have to happen sooner or later, and it wasn't as if he had much more time to keep delaying it. Still, it wasn't as if he expected anything; it wasn't as if he expected to tell the alpha everything and then stay with him for the rest of his life if the other man decided that his feelings were reciprocated. It's not like he expected Nico to reject him and walk away, because he knows that in a way that wouldn't happen, since they're really close, but he also knows that rejection would change some things and would emotionally hurt him more than he could handle. Still, the only thing Gabriel really expected and knew was going to happen was that he would get through it all one way or another, with or without him.

 

Gabriel had always been very realistic and steady, always knowing when it was the right time to expect something and when to accept that things were different than he had really hoped. Perhaps that was why, in a sense, he felt almost more at ease when he was the only one carrying his own mistakes and flaws, because after all, they were solely his. Gabriel also knew that it would be unfair of him to dump it all on the alpha's shoulders, and the last thing Gabriel wanted was to cause him as much stress as he himself had been feeling for months. Still, he had so few days left to do something about it, and Gabriel felt so distant that he indirectly ended up making his own situation worse than it already was.

 

"You don't need to help me." was the only thing Gabriel said, hoping somehow to ease the alpha. "You know that, just like when I said you didn't need to stay, or even comfort me."

 

Nico moved abruptly, sitting on the floor in front of Gabriel, which led the omega to pull his legs closer to make room for the alpha to get close enough for their knees to touch. The alpha placed his hands on his own thighs and adjusted his posture. Gabriel frowned, swallowing hard when he saw the more serious and firm look in the alpha's eyes. "Gabriel. You keep saying all this as if I don't want to be here with you." The words are harsh, but visibly anguished. "I'm not being pressured into anything, quite the opposite, because if I could stay by your side all the time, I would absolutely do so."

 

Gabriel looked away, pulling his legs up close to himself, pressing his chin against his knees. The moment he did so, he missed the feeling of Nico's knee against his, but he tried to ignore it. The alpha's words made him feel warm in a pleasant way at last, but he knew he couldn't think of those words as something that meant more. He knew he couldn't, but he wanted to so badly. "I just don't want you to feel like it's your duty just because I'm your teammate or whatever," he murmured. "I can take care of myself."

 

Nico repressed a sigh, leaning closer. "I know very well that you can take care of yourself," he whispered. "Still, there's nothing wrong with letting other people worry about you, take care of you, especially when they want to, quite sincerely," he says. "Is it really that hard to just believe that I just genuinely care about you?

 

Gabriel almost whimpered, lifting his head from his knees. He hugged his legs tightly. "I believe you, Nico, I really do," he whispered with sad eyes. "But you have no idea what this means to me, every time." He grunted softly. "Every time, it never stops, and—"

 

Nico's hand reached for his knee and squeezed it gently. "Then tell me. Tell me what it means to you."

 

Gabriel clenched his jaw, closing his eyes tightly and lowering his head, his skin tingling under Nico's touch. He gasped softly through his breath. "It means a lot, just... a lot," he whispered so softly that he would have been relieved if Nico hadn't been able to hear him. "It means much more than I could ever express, much more than you could ever know."

 

"Gabi..." Nico whispered through a heavy sigh.

 

"You don't understand." Gabi whispered a little too sharply, curling up against the wall. "You shouldn't understand, Nico."

 

"But I think I do." Nico leaned his shoulders toward the omega, blinking softly. "I really think I understand, Gabriel."

 

When Gabriel looked at him again, Nico was getting closer. Close enough that the omega had to stay still so as not to end up touching the alpha too much. Gabriel blinked over and over, his eyes a little wide, his lips half open. He wasn't quite sure what was happening, but he didn't want it to stop. "You have no idea what it's like, Nico." Gabriel whispered, his cheeks flushing more and more. "Every single day, and it won't go away."

 

"Tell me," Nico whispered. "...it's okay."

 

His eyes watered a little, and he couldn't stop that familiar pain rising up his throat, as if everything inside him wanted to speak, wanted to ask, wanted everything, but he was still holding himself back. It was an endless struggle, because Gabriel knew better than anyone how much he really wanted every aspect of it. He longed for it, he desired it, and it was fucking unbearable. And as if he couldn't take it anymore, he choked up: "I like you, Nico," he broke down. "I like you so damn much, and it's eating me alive."

 

This made Nico close his eyes and noticeably hold his breath, bowing his head down slightly, he remained silent, his jaw tightly clenched... And Gabriel wanted to cry. He swallowed a sad sound. "I'm sorry, I know that—I know it's not fair." The omega wanted to reach out to comfort him, but he knew that would only make things worse. "I don't expect you to... I don't expect anything, so, it's okay. I know you care, and I appreciate it, really, but I also know it's a really tricky situation, and that's why I'm really trying to handle this on my own. It's not your problem—"

 

Nico opened his eyes and looked at him, and Gabriel had no idea what that look meant, but he only managed to feel worse with each passing second. "I'm sorry, Nico." He tried again, sounding as sincere as possible, trying to keep the pain out of his voice, but he was unable to control his facial expressions. "You're a great friend and I care about you a lot as well, which is why—why I would never want to put you in such a position—"

 

And then the silence went on, and Gabriel felt himself getting closer and closer to tears, a huge wave of sadness and anguish crept up inside him and settled there. God, it hurt so much—it was even worse than Gabriel thought it would be—he could already see himself, late at night alone in that room, slowly agonizing until the pain made him fall asleep. The idea was already bad, but now that it's not just an idea anymore, Gabriel wishes he could melt into the concrete and disappear into thin air, maybe that would ease his suffering.

 

"Sorry. " he tried once more, under his breath, small and sad, clenching his teeth so hard that his jaw felt like it was going to snap in half. God, he wanted to cry, but he couldn't. "Please don't push me away because of this..." he mourned. "I do want to be your friend..."

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Nico finally moved, and he moved to press a soft hand against the stressed omega's cheek. Gabriel flinched for a second, clearly shocked—what? Gabriel remained still, eyes wide, sniffing softly through his nose. He didn't dare move, because then he might wake up from this dream he had just fallen into. "Shh..." Nico silenced him very gently, and his thumb caressed Gabriel's warm, flushed skin. Nico had a look in his eyes that Gabriel could only identify as both affection and sadness at the same time. He didn't know what to make of it. "It's okay, Gabi," he whispered.

 

Gabriel, however, didn't really believe him at that moment. He couldn't. His heart hurt as much as every nerve in his body. He blinked once, with a deep frown. "I don't—don't understand, Nico," he whispered, feeling sorrowful.

 

Nico's eyes closed a little with a soft smile spreading across his lips. He exhaled deeply and then leaned in, pressing his forehead against Gabriel's, something that made the omega's heart race so fast that he knew if he stayed silent long enough, he would be able to hear his heart beating so fast and so loud that it would probably be unsettling. Gabriel didn't move, curled up on the floor against the wall in such a tight ball that his legs complained. Nico's warm breath reached his face like something so close, yet so far away. "...Nico?" he asked, fragile, his voice cracking in half.

 

"You've always been so close, Gabi," he whispered close to him, pressing his forehead together more intensely. His hand calmly moved away from his face, his voice seemed to enter through his eardrums and echo inside his brain. "I thought I was going crazy at first, but oh God, Gabi..."

 

Gabriel swallowed with tremendous difficulty, his eyes could barely see the man's face so close to his own. He shuddered a little, trying to compose himself as if trying to save his own life. "...wha—what are you saying?" he whispered to the alpha.

 

"I always found myself thinking about you a little too much," he confessed, heavy and sincere. "I was staring too much, thinking too much, trying to get too close. And you were always so close, but so far away at the same time."

 

Gabriel couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was melting inside his own clothes. "And now, you're so fucking close it hardly seems real." Nico finished in a heavy whisper. "It's so damn surreal I don't even know what to do, for fuck's sake—"

 

Gabriel didn't believe him. "What—you don't make any sense—" Gabriel didn't believe him. He couldn't, he had no idea how. He felt dizzy, everything was so warm that he felt like he was going to pass out. "Show me," the omega whispered. "Show it to me." Make me believe, help me believe." Show me that you're telling the–the truth."

 

Nico made a sound from deep in his throat that sounded very much like a kind of soft, muffled grunt. He rubbed his forehead against Gabriel's like a cat, desperately. Then, from one second to the next, Nico's hand was on the back of his neck, and everything else stopped. Everything else disappeared; he closed his eyes tightly, as if an electric discharge had ripped through his body, shutting it down completely. He held his breath for long enough for every inch of his body to tingle intensely. Nico's hand was almost all around the back of his neck, and he squeezed, firmly, almost to the point of being possessive. That aching pain that had pulsed through his entire body for most of the day had been silenced, and he let out the most needy and soft sound he had ever made in his entire life.

 

His thumb caressed his sweaty skin, and he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. "Oh—" he exhaled, his body shaking hard enough to make him jump, and desperately, Gabriel kissed him, practically throwing himself forward against the alpha. Nico growled against his lips, pressing him back against the wall with ferocity, but the feeling of Nico's lips against his, along with the hand on the back of his neck, ended up burning every single nerve in his being. He grabbed the alpha's shoulders desperately, aware that this was far from the appropriate place for this kind of thing, but still, he was sinking deeper and deeper, just like that.

 

He greedily kissed the alpha, clinging to him with such desperate need that he wanted to sink into the other man's flesh. To live under his skin... To have him. His breath was ragged and oxygen barely entered his lungs, he had no idea how this was even real, but it had to be; it was the only thing that made sense, the only thing he craved. Nico's free hand held onto the middle of his spine as he practically crushed Gabriel against the wall and floor, and Gabriel never wanted to get out of there, under Nico's body. Just leave him there, please, that's exactly where he wants to be.

 

He tried to pull the alpha closer to him, as if that were even possible. He was shaking, his whole body was shaking, and he couldn't care less about it. He also had a brief realization that he couldn't stop making sounds, even though they were muffled against the alpha's mouth. He slid his tongue between Nico's lips and the alpha let him, his fingers gripping his shoulders so tightly that his fingertips hurt. The water bottle was lying on the floor a few inches away, every part of his body that was making contact with Nico's seemed to burn in the most pleasant way possible, his eyebrows were arched in an intense state of longing.

 

The alpha caressed the back of his neck carefully, gentle and affectionate, he seemed to be trying to soothe the omega's raw nerves, but Gabriel could only think about how the whole thing felt like some kind of dream. When Nico tried to pull away a little after long minutes of kisses full of saliva, despair, and burning passion, Gabriel whimpered and reached up to kiss him again. Nico gently squeezed the back of his neck and pressed him against the wall, placing his other hand in the middle of his chest, noticing how fast his heart was beating. Nico's lips were swollen and red, as were his face. He looked so unbelievably beautiful that it was fucking unfair. "Hey," he whispered warmly. "Take a few deep breaths, eh?"

 

Gabriel collapsed onto the floor, almost laying flat on the concrete, his back pressed against the wall. He inhaled through his mouth, quickly taking in oxygen. His legs wouldn't stop shaking between them, it was overwhelming, and Gabriel wanted more, he wanted— "Shh..." Another gentle squeeze on the back of his neck made him melt even more, his eyelashes fluttered, and his hands didn't leave the alpha's shoulders, he was trembling all over and yet he could still feel Nico's lips against his like a phantom touch.

 

"Nico—" he tried, and damn, his voice sounded totally shattered. He swallowed a few more times, took one of his hands off the alpha's shoulder and grabbed his forearm. Nico looked at his hand and his heart dropped when he saw how much the omega was shaking. "Nico, I—"

 

Nico exhaled through his nose, licking his lips as he still tasted the omega's lips. Still, he leaned in, slid his arms around the omega's back, and pulled him against him, hugging him as comfortably as he could on that floor. He kept one arm firmly wrapped around Gabriel's waist and moved, bringing Gabriel with him. The omega made a startled sound but held on to Nico. The alpha changed positions, sitting against the wall and holding Gabriel in his arms, practically hugging him on his lap. He sighed softly, keeping him close enough for Gabriel to settle in. The omega seemed eternally confused and still shaken, but he blinked a few times before starting to adjust his body a bit.

 

"There you go, much more comfortable now, are we? " Nico smiled at him, one hand reaching up to stroke his curls, comfortable with Gabriel resting on top of him. "You can keep taking deep breaths, everything's okay. "

 

Gabriel pressed his face against his throat and inhaled. He almost complained when he didn't smell anything, clearly annoyed. "I know, I know," Nico whispered, hugging him closer. "I have some clothes with my scent on them in the hotel room, if you want any. "

 

Yes, God, damn it, yes, fuck. "Y-yes." Gabriel said it too quickly, then got a little bit nervous. "I mean, as long as you're comfortable with it—"

 

Nico smiled softly and pressed his chin down on the top of his head. "Of course I'm comfortable with this, you silly thing."

 

The arm that held him close was wrapped around his back, fingertips tightening against his ribs. Gabriel had never been so comfortable before; it was the best feeling in the world. "I'm sorry, this was all so—" he didn't even have the words to describe what had just happened, he just knew he wanted more of it. "It all still feels like... like a dream..."

 

Nico kissed the top of his head and buried his nose in his curls, inhaling deeply. "It's going to be okay, Gabi."

 

The only possible explanation for this was that Gabriel appeared to be in heaven. He rubbed his nose against a soft spot on Nico's neck anyway, snuggling into the warmth of the alpha's arms. Still, he knew there was more to be said, more to be done, and somehow, that snake that wrapped itself around his throat and squeezed every time he tried to say something was no longer there. Instead, his body had slowly ceased to shake, and now all that was left was a vivid feeling of warmth and comfort. A kind of comfort that seemed to be able to stop all his pain. Maybe that was what Dr. Aisha meant when she told him that comfort would greatly reduce his pain. 

 

Despite everything, he still knew he needed to have that talk. To say everything that needed to be said. Except that at that moment, he didn't feel so anxious and hesitant to do so. He sighed softly against him. "Nico... we need to talk," he whispered, a little raspy. "I have to tell you something."

 

Nico stroked his back, calm and gentle as always. It was maddening because Gabriel still wanted to eat him alive, and the alpha remained so calm and reassuring. "You can tell me anything," he replied. "I'll always listen to you."

 

 

 

Chapter 4: The man in the mirror says I should change

 

The problem with letting Nico know everything—well, at least most of it—was that if Gabriel couldn't look at him before due to embarrassment, this had now gotten somewhat worse. Gabriel wasn't embarrassed about his feelings for Nico; he was, however, embarrassed about his current condition. He had never been the kind of person who felt the need for comfort at every inconvenience in his life, but now he felt that need every single moment his head seemed off. He somehow knew he was proud and stubborn, and he didn't resent it; he knew it was part of who he was, and it had never been a bad thing, quite the opposite.

 

The actual problem with letting Nico know everything was that the alpha now looked at him as if his pain caused him as much pain as it did Gabriel, and Gabriel didn't understand why, because it wasn't even his business. Well, not in those terms, anyway. The fact that his body had broken down when he finally felt safe and comfortable around the alpha had been briefly mentioned in an indirect way, since Gabriel didn't want it to become his concern regardless. Still, now Nico knew, he knew about the discomfort, the pain, his flesh burning on a daily basis, he knew he had stopped taking the suppressants, he knew it caused him intense pain at certain times of the day, he knew his mood swings had gotten worse, he knew he would have to go back to the clinic in a few days, he knew Gabriel was struggling with all these circumstances, but what made it even worse was that he knew he would go into heat on the second day after the race.

 

They had gone to talk in a more private room, and now Gabriel could barely look up at Nico's eyes. They were sitting at his desk, and Gabriel kept his eyes down on the table, scratching the surface lightly with his short fingernails. "What I'm trying to say is that I've always gone through this kind of thing alone," Gabriel muttered, shrugging his shoulders, his legs crossed under the table. "So it wouldn't be a problem... to go through this problem alone as well." It would indeed be a problem, the pain would be unbearable, but he didn't intend to mention that... It wasn't Nico's problem.

 

Nico sighed, resting one elbow on the table and rubbing his face with the other. "It scares me that even after you've told me all this, you still think I'm going to leave you alone," Nico murmured, trying to meet the omega's eyes, which kept avoiding his. "You've made it very clear that you're not uncomfortable with the idea of receiving help, but you still expect to be left without any... Why, Gabi?"

 

Gabriel lowered his head a little more. "I don't know," he muttered softly. "I just don't want you to do this because you feel pressured or something. I know you said—you said that's not the case, but, Nico..." He clenched his teeth. "All of this makes me super anxious, and I can't stop feeling like I need reassurance—"

 

Nico's hand reached for his, and Gabriel took a deep breath as he watched Nico's thumb caress the back of his hand, which continued to tremble uncontrollably. He bit his lower lip. "It's okay, it's fine, Gabi," he said softly. "This must be really stressful, I can't even begin to imagine, but you'll be okay." Nico's larger hand intertwined his fingers, squeezing gently. "StIll, you need to tell me... do you want to go through this alone? Is that what you want? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

 

Gabi slumped even lower toward the table. He grabbed Nico's hand fiercely with both of his. "God, no," he exhaled, a little out of breath. "I hate having to do this alone, all the time, it feels like I'm dying, and it never stops, I feel so fucking alone—"

 

Nico's free hand gently grasped both of his, he stood up from the table, and in less than three steps, he crouched down beside his chair. "Hey, hey, look at me..." The alpha asked politely.

 

Gabriel frowned, turning his body a little to the side to face the alpha. He looked down, straight into the gentle eyes of the alpha who was still holding his hands. "Listen, I hear you. I understand you, Gabriel, you won't be alone anymore, okay?" He let go of one of his hands to squeeze his knee affectionately. "I'll be right here the whole time, is that okay?

 

Gabriel swallowed, looking at him through his eyelashes, licking his lips. "The whole time?" he asked, uncertain. "That seems like... a lot." He hesitated, trying to fight the urge to look away. "It seems like a lot of... trouble. "

 

"No, it's no trouble at all, not for me," Nico replied gently. "It could never be, I enjoy being around you too much."

 

Gabriel couldn't help smiling a little, sniffing softly through his nose. He blinked a few times. "Does that mean..." he bit his lip. "Does that mean you'll hug me more? And maybe... kiss me more, too?" he tried.

 

Nico chuckled softly, the alpha adjusted himself, kneeling on the floor near his legs. Gabriel never thought he would see this, an alpha—no, not just any alpha, it was none other than Nicolas Hülkenberg—kneeling at his feet. He knew it was questionable, but the view made him feel all warm inside, in a way that he knew made his face blush a little. "Would you like that?" Nico asked calmly.

 

Gabriel exhaled, swallowing hard. "You know I would like that... " he muttered. "But, huh... as long as you want to as well."

 

"Of course I do." Nico replied with a happy sigh. He let go of Gabriel's hands and slowly leaned down, pressing the side of his face against his knees. Gabriel didn't know what to do with this, with Nico pretty much resting his head on his legs. Gabriel just stared, his hands twitching over Nico's head. "I want everything when it comes to you, Gabi."

 

Gabriel smiled softly, inhaling deeper through his nose, God, he could hardly believe that alpha's words. They rang in his ears like promises, like an unforgettable melody. He slowly touched the alpha's blond hair with one hand, just keeping his hand there for a few seconds before letting his fingers slide through his hair. The alpha closed his eyes and the smile on his lips remained there. Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair as if he wanted the moment to last forever.

 

"Still, we'll have to talk more about this, you know, right?" Nico exhaled a gentle sigh with the same serene expression. "I know we're at the end of this season, so everything is becoming significantly more stressful, but I still need you to talk to me, agreed? "

 

Gabriel proceeded with petting the alpha's hair, humming softly, distracted. Was this what it felt like to be completely at peace? It almost felt like something was missing, nearly to the point of feeling strange whenever the constant stress wasn't present. "I'll try," he whispered. "Is that... is that enough? Me, trying?"

 

Nico calmly moved his head and rested his chin on his thigh, looking at the omega through his eyelashes with a tender smile. "Yes, of course, Gabi. Of course it's enough."

 

Gabi smiled at the alpha, and his hands touched either side of Nico's face before he could stop himself, sliding his fingers across his eyebrow, the tip of his nose, his jawline; Gabriel couldn't stop touching him, looking at him, he looked so absorbed by the task of pressing his fingertips softly against Nico's skin that he didn't even blink. Nico just let him, closed his eyes, and relaxed the expression lines on his face, letting out a soft sigh through his nose. "You're so fucking beautiful, that's not fair, Nico." Gabriel whispered as if he were annoyed by it.

 

The alpha just let out a soft laugh, but didn't move or open his eyes. "You sound annoyed by the fact that you find me beautiful, " he added.

 

Gabriel made a disapproving sound from the back of his throat, caressing Nico's cheek with his thumb. The alpha's skin had begun to turn slightly red. "At the beginning of the year, I thought you would treat me with... indifference." The omega's tone of voice softened, becoming lower and more hesitant. "...with condescension, I thought you wouldn't even bother to interact with me... Not because I thought you were that way, but because that had become... pretty normal in my experience."

 

One of Nico's hands reached for his ankle and gently squeezed it, and he sighed in understanding. "I... I understand, things and people aren't always easy to deal with when it comes to stuff like this, " he mumbled. "I was a little hesitant at first, because I've always been like that with most of my teammates, but it was... It was just easy. It was pleasant, it was easy with you, right from the start." Nico slowly opened his eyes and smiled at the omega. "My fascination continued to grow as I watched how fast and excellent a driver you are. And well, it was impossible for me not to fall for your charms, Gabriela. "

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes at the nickname, one of his hands returning to his hair to mess it up, ruining the hairstyle that kept all his blond hair brushed back. "So you think I'm charming?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, clearly dismissing everything else Nico had said about him.

 

"Very much so." Nico said smugly. "Your endearing stubbornness and tendency to be a brat have contributed to making you very charming indeed." He hummed, his knees were starting to hurt a little, but he really didn't want to move from that spot. "Apart from the fact that talking, interacting, laughing with you makes me really, really happy... And I won't mention the fact that I find you so bloody attractive that it often drives me wild—"

 

Gabriel adjusted his posture slightly, and he couldn't remember the last time everything inside him had been so peaceful, as if there were no truly unpleasant circumstances in his life at that moment. He felt no pain, but there was still a warm sensation deep in his stomach that seemed to keep the rest of his body nicely warm. "For starters, you're too sweet to go wild," he murmured, pressing a thumb against Nico's lower lip softly. The alpha held his gaze, and Gabriel briefly noticed that the other man's pupils were a little dilated.

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows with a smile on his lips and proceeded: "Secondly, I'm not a brat, you're just too old, which automatically means that any annoying and rebellious behavior I exhibit is perceived as me being a brat."

 

Nico raised his eyebrows too, not looking the least bit surprised. "See? Definitely a brat," he confirmed his own statement.

 

Nico's teeth smoothly captured his thumb, and the alpha kept his finger between his teeth delicately, all while looking at him. It lasted less than a minute, but it was still enough to make Gabriel's legs tremble a little, even though he was still sitting in the chair.

 

As Gabriel found himself unable to take his eyes off Nico's lips, he gulped hard, the warm feeling in his stomach growing stronger each second that went by. He forced himself to stay still, because he just kept having this overwhelming urge to grab Nico and start kissing him again. However, a second later, Nico released his finger and casually licked his own lips, visibly pulling himself together as well. "Still, that's a trait about you that I've found myself becoming increasingly fond of." He stated without delay.

 

Gabriel stared at the saliva on his own thumb and hesitated for a moment, pulling his hand away. He bit his lower lip, trying to bring himself back to normal, but his insides still felt like they were on fire. "I have to give you credit for being so calm and cool about this, " Gabriel said, staring at Nico for a few long seconds, then frowning a little. "But man, I gotta ask, are your knees okay from staying like that for so long? "

 

Nico opened his mouth to reply, letting out a chuckle, but Gabriel cut him off before he could say anything: "Don't tell me you didn't say anything earlier because you need help getting up..."

 

The comment made Nico roll his eyes and get up from where he was kneeling without wasting any time. Gabriel followed him with his eyes and a cheeky smile on his face. He put on an innocent look when Nico placed a hand on his hip and looked at him, offended. Gabriel shrugged. "Come on, you can't blame me for being concerned about your fragile bones, Nico."

 

Nico took a few steps closer to him, and Gabriel leaned back just a little from where he was sitting. He raised an eyebrow, confused by the sudden approach, but didn't move away any further. His eyes widened slightly and he held his breath for a moment when one of Nico's hands reached for his chin and lifted his head, bringing the omega's gaze to meet the alpha's steady, serious eyes. Gabriel blinked a few times, and his body leaned toward him eagerly, closer to his hand... Oh God... Gabriel looked up at the alpha through his lashes, closing his lips, waiting, waiting for something... Waiting for anything.

 

"I need you to listen for a moment," Nico said, his thumb tracing his jaw at every word. His voice was softer, yet distinctly more serious. The grip on his chin kept his head up, and it was something small, but so intimate that it made Gabriel's head float for long seconds; his body would probably start floating in a few minutes too. "I'll stop by your room later tonight to bring you a few things; scented clothes, and then we'll talk a little more before I go and let you sleep."

 

Gabriel didn't answer for several long seconds, overly focused on the feeling from that hand that could easily grab his entire jaw if Nico decided to do so. The idea seemed extremely tempting, and it made him a little fidgety. He swallowed, trying to process everything that had been said in the last few seconds. "Is that okay?" Nico asked, squeezing him a little, trying to get the omega's attention, who was clearly distracted again.

 

Gabriel blinked twice and stared at the alpha through his eyelashes again. He tried to nod, but the hand on his jaw kept him from doing so. "Yes," he said softly, his voice a little raw. "Yes—yeah, it is okay," he said again, clearing his throat.

 

Nico smiled at him, appearing to be quite pleased. He didn't remove his hand from his chin, but his other hand found its way to his curls and gently stroked his dark brown hair. "Good... That's very good," Nico whispered from the back of his throat, sounding deeper. Gabriel allowed himself to close his eyes and fully rested his chin on Nico's hand.

 

But, when he felt a heavy, warm hand on the back of his neck, his reaction was immediate; his whole body convulsed, he gasped softly through his teeth, every limb going limp at the touch. He allowed Nico's other hand to hold his head as his skin tingled and he felt something almost threatening to tremble in his chest. It was odd and unknown, but it seemed to curl up in the middle of his chest as it waited for something Gabriel didn't know what it was.

 

His closed eyelids twitched, and he found himself going completely limp in the alpha's hands. Everything was so new and so delightful that Gabriel found himself losing himself into all these feelings: in a not-so-distant scenario, he would be at that very moment, absolutely alone, submerged in his own anguish; yet, there he was, almost changing, almost being something different, almost new. He would also have to get used to this overwhelming feeling of comfort and tranquility; he wanted to get used to it, he really desired for it to be a recurring thing. "You have such a small neck," Nico whispered in a warm voice.

 

The older man's voice was deep and sounded too close. The touch, the voice, and the presence of the alpha appeared to be a formidable mix that softened him in a way that had never happened before. Gabriel was uncertain if there was any way to express how much he truly enjoyed this. How much it made him feel finally right... No longer all by himself. "My hand goes all the way around the back of your neck." Nico sounded intrigued and interested, his fingers circling around the back of Gabriel's neck, who sighed softly with a little smile on his lips, totally loose and his eyes still closed.

 

"Take it easy, old man." Gabriel whispered, licking his lips. He pressed his face into Nico's palm tenderly. "The more you talk, the more it sounds like you... have a thing for my neck."

 

"Mm." Nico hummed, and Gabriel could almost feel the smile on his lips, even through his closed eyes. "I don't remember ever seeing you this peaceful and relaxed." The fingers at the back of his neck traced through his hair. "It suits you... It just looks right."

 

It was ironic because Gabriel had never felt that way either. It was something so unexpected, yet well-received in a way that Gabriel wouldn't mind if it could just remain present in his life. Fuck, Dr. Aisha was absolutely right; he really didn't want to go through this alone. "I don't usually... feel this way very often," Gabriel whispered, resting the side of his face against the alpha's open palm, questioning whether that desire to stay there forever was a common thing. As if Nico could hear his thoughts, he caressed his face affectionately, like he was calming down a wild cat, an analogy that Gabriel found to be somewhat fitting.

 

"That's such a damn shame, Gabi," Nico whispered back to him. "Because you deserve to feel like this every single day... Well, guess I got myself a second full-time job."

 

Gabriel pouted unconsciously. "You call me a brat, but you're the one who keeps spoiling me so much," he complained softly, but clearly happy with Nico's words. He liked it, he liked the attention, the touches, it just felt good.

 

Nico shrugged, staring without blinking at the omega's calm, serene face. He smiled thoughtfully, but there was a sad look in his eyes all of a sudden. "I'm not spoiling you, Gabi... I'm offering you something you should already have had every day. The fact that you see it that way is rather... sad. Even so, I want you to have much more than just the bare minimum." He gently squeezed the back of his neck again, his fingers holding tight yet softly to his skin. "This is truly enjoyable for me as well, but still, I want to do this for you. I really mean it, Gabi."

 

Gabriel slowly opened his eyes, his eyelids heavy and a lazy, dreamy smirk on his lips. He considered how that didn't really happen often and how distancing himself from it all had truly affected him. Gabriel thought for a second that this probably didn't help at all given that they still had a free practice later that day to do, but for a moment he thought about how he had raced while tension ran through his bones, and now... now he just felt deeply weightless, his head completely empty. It wasn't even close to being a fact that all that stress had clouded his ability to race; he was still perfectly capable and remained outstanding at what he did, yet, that didn't change the fact that all that anxiety was constantly in the background; but not so much now, especially since there wasn't a trace of discomfort left anywhere in his body.

 

His eyes traveled up Nico's body, which lingered right in front of his seat. If Nico moved any closer, his leg would end up between Gabriel's knees. The omega batted his eyelashes when he saw the alpha's relaxed face, wearing a smile, but his eyes were drawn to his completely messy hair. Gabriel blinked twice, raising his eyebrows when he saw a few strands of blond hair falling over Nico's forehead. Hell, he looked even more attractive that way. How the hell was that possible? Gabriel cleared his throat, licking his lips: "Your... Your hair looks cute like that. " He took a pause, grunting softly. "That's not fair, you're old and way too good-looking—"

 

That seemed to make Nico content, since he just chuckled softly, leaned in close, held his face between his hands firmly in place, and kissed him. Gabriel couldn't help but exhale in both comfort and happiness.

 

(. . .)

 

Free practice had gone well. They had tested the car set-up and everything looked promising from Gabriel's point of view. Of course, he would still have to perform miracles with that car, but everything was looking good so far. The trip back to the hotel later that night was calm. He had a bottle of water in his hand and Nico walked quietly beside him through the hotel lobby. It was a relief that their rooms were close to each other, so they could easily walk together to the elevator and also afterwards. Gabriel leaned against the elevator wall and took a sip of water, scratching his head casually.

 

Nico was on the opposite wall, leaning against it as well, arms crossed, breathing softly, glancing at the omega from time to time. It had been a busy day, but he still felt more at ease as he saw that the omega's behavior seemed more relaxed and he appeared to be fairly calm. "Everything cool, Gabi?" he asked, filling the comfortable silence.

 

Gabriel looked at him and immediately smiled; it was like seeing the sunlight before his very eyes. Nico instinctively smiled back, thinking about getting closer, but he stayed put. "Yeah, yeah, everything's fine." He lifted the bottle and shook it a little. "Trying to stay hydrated, you know how it is."

 

Nico nodded. "That's good, really good," he said, looking at the younger man. Gabriel just smiled again and lowered his head a little, shifting his foot.

 

Gabriel pretended not to notice how Nico's words and tone made his heart race. He squeezed the plastic bottle in his hand. "What about you? Everything okay?"

 

"All good. Excited for the race, a little bit edgy, but you know how it is." Nico shrugged with a laid-back smile. "I'm also looking forward for seeing how we do. I'm sure you'll deliver a brilliant race as always."

 

Gabriel waved his free hand nonchalantly, smiling. "You always praise me too much, especially in interviews. It's nice, but what should I say about you in return, eh? "

 

Nico raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips. "You act as if you haven't been praising me at every given opportunity."

 

Gabriel shrugged. "It's complicated when you don't give me any dirt to feed to the press."

 

Nico hummed softly. "Well, I reckon it is." He gave a wink as he spoke.

 

The door opened as soon as he finished speaking, and he gestured for Gabriel to exit first with a nod. The omega rolled his eyes and walked out of the elevator with a quiet smile and one hand in his pocket. Gabriel hummed softly and walked to his room, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Nico as he passed behind him and walked to his own room. Nico looked back, and their eyes met for half a second before Gabriel looked away and entered his room.

 

(. . .)

 

The problem with letting Nico know everything—well, pretty much everything—was that now Gabriel thought about him even more frequently. The problem was that now Gabriel was also aware that Nico possibly felt the same way, which made his remaining doubts a little more troubling, since Nico had expressed his opinion about him, and everything else in very explicit ways, but Gabriel still, for some reason, couldn't seem to get rid of his uncertainty. The problem was that before, Gabriel thought about him too much, very much so, but in such a distant way; he had come to terms with the fact that it could never mean anything. He thought about him with the acceptance that he would never really have him, as if the very idea of being with him was a joke.

 

Gabriel thinks about him like he's never thought about anyone else. It's suffocating, it seems to threaten to drive him crazy, it hurts, it burns right in the middle of his chest, and it never stops. However, he knows that if he were a healthy omega like any other, he wouldn't be having such a hard time with the fact that he wants an alpha. And even if it weren't an alpha, it wouldn't change anything; his feelings and behavior would be less erratic if he had just tried harder to stop neglecting himself. Gabriel knows very well that loneliness has built up to the point of affecting him in unimaginable ways. But no, that's not just loneliness... It's much more than that. Don't get him wrong, Gabriel still didn't want to be claimed, no... but the idea that had seemed so impossible before, didn't seem so impossible now; he no longer thought of it with the word "never" attached to that thought, and that kind of made him smile a little.

 

No, now he thought of it as someone who, for the first time, really wanted something. Just the act of wanting had been pushed away by Gabriel for a long time, just the act of desiring had been alienated by him. Now, Gabriel thinks of Nico as a person who lays eyes on someone for the first time and immediately feels butterflies in his stomach, just the way it is in the movies. Gabriel thinks of him as a person who never wanted anything before, and now that he does, he doesn't know what to do with it or even about it. He wanted so many things, he wanted to wrap his hands around the alpha's waist, he wanted to touch his hair more often, he wanted to hold his hands and intertwine his fingers, he wanted to kiss his lips softly, he wanted him in so many ways, he wanted to see him on his knees again, he needed him even closer. For a long time, he wanted nothing, convinced himself that he wanted nothing, that he needed nothing, and this lasted long enough for him to actually start believing it at the end of the day.

 

Now that Gabriel looks at himself in the mirror after taking a nice hot shower, he wonders how he put up with things the way they were for so long. Empty, and distant in a way he knew wasn't healthy. Gabriel was easily mistaken for a beta and an alpha a few times, but he never made a point of correcting anyone, since most of his omega characteristics remained far apart from him. For a long time, he wondered what that meant, what it meant to be who he was, but it's only now that he realizes how much he's slowly coming to terms with that part of himself. If he wanted things to change, if he wanted to change for the better, he would have to start with the man in the mirror. The same man who looked back at him with tired eyes, but eyes that were softer, less burdened. The same man who, in the reflection, stared back at him as if asking all the questions he had refused to think about for so long. He would have to start with that exact same man.

 

He wasn't going to depend on Nico for that, because then he would be doing things wrong; still, he understood that there was nothing wrong with accepting help, with having someone around just... because. Maybe, only maybe, that would make the process a little easier. Gabriel also believed that if that person was Nico, or, if Nico really just wanted to be there for Gabriel, then... then maybe there was nothing wrong with that. Maybe he could just be there, and Gabriel could let that make him feel less overwhelmed and a bit... happier. And if the idea of simply having Nico around was enough to make him smile a little, then... so be it.

 

Gabriel sighed softly and ran a hand through his wet curls. He wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom. He walked over to the bed where he had left clothes to wear and took the towel off his waist, placing it on the bed. Gabriel put on a shirt that was slightly larger than his size, his underwear, and gray sweatpants. Before lying down, he moved to put the wet towel back in the bathroom. Soon after, he threw himself face down on the mattress, sighing. In the last few days, he had tried to wear as few clothes as possible when sleeping, since he woke up covered in sweat and with his skin tingling, but now that he felt relatively calmer, he felt he could wear more clothes to sleep.

 

When Nico finally knocked softly on his door, it was late enough for Gabriel to already be in his seventh nap, but there he was; wide awake, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. To say that he quickly jumped out of bed when he heard the knocks on the door would not be an overstatement. He practically tripped over his own feet as he hurried to the door, mentally cursing himself. Gabriel opened the door and Nico quickly stepped inside, smiling softly at him in silence. Gabriel closed the door and followed quietly behind Nico as the alpha looked around.

 

Gabriel's eyes didn't leave the shirt and hoodie Nico was holding in his hands. They looked a little bigger than his own clothes, but since Gabriel was only three or four centimeters shorter than the alpha, he figured they still wore the same clothing size. When Nico finally turned to look at him, the alpha smiled and stretched out his arms, offering the clothes. "Here you go. Sorry it took so long, I had to wait a bit..."

 

Gabriel just nodded in understanding, approached cautiously, and for a moment realized he had no idea what to do with the alpha's clothes. He frowned to himself when he finally held the clothes in his hands and squeezed them a little, still standing still... Well... Now what? He didn't look up at Nico, struggling to appear as least confused as possible, but he didn't feel like he was having much success at that. "Is something wrong?" Nico visibly noticed that he seemed too quiet. 

 

Gabriel held the clothes tightly in his hands, he raised his eyes a little and looked at the alpha through his eyelashes, he cleared his throat. "No, huh, it's okay, I just..." he muttered. "I'm not really sure what I should do now..."

 

Nico looked at him with a friendly smile and eyes that were unmistakably sad. Nico always felt deeply shaken every time Gabriel seemed confused about this whole matter of connecting and being comforted. "Honestly... Whatever you want. I won't need those clothes back, so... Just keep them."

 

Gabriel nodded and bit his lip. "Oh... Okay... So..." He gestured toward the bed behind Nico for a moment. "Do you mind if I...?"

 

"Go ahead," Nico said softly. "Would you like me to leave?"

 

"No!" Gabriel said a little too quickly, he moved calmly to the bed and lay down, holding Nico's hoodie and shirt against his chest. He laid on his side and with his free hand gave a few pats on the bed next to him. "You can stay... If you want to, of course."

 

Nico smiled sweetly as he always did, but Gabriel had a brief impression that that smile was often directed at him exclusively. Nico took off his shoes and sat down next to him on the bed, in silence. Gabriel blinked a few times and tried discreetly to press his nose against Nico's hoodie. If the alpha noticed, he didn't say anything, and that gave him a little more confidence to inhale deeply against the soft material. 

 

The deeply pleasant scent automatically entered his nostrils and Gabriel felt his muscles relax as he lay on the bed. His facial expression eased, Nico's scent was soft but intense and strong in just the right amount, it had a warm and comforting woody scent, it was something distinct that Gabriel couldn't really describe, but it was perfect, it was exactly as he had imagined it months ago and so much more. He exhaled deeply before inhaling again and buried his face completely in the hoodie, making a low, satisfied sound. He heard Nico sigh softly beside him, but the alpha remained silent and still. 

 

Gabriel could almost feel his scent on the tip of his tongue. He clutched the hoodie tightly between his fingers, almost tempted to sink his teeth into something. His teeth clenched and his heart beat at a steady rhythm in his chest. He curled up on his side and hugged the clothes to his chest, his face still buried in the hoodie. The middle of his face tingled, and for some reason he almost wanted to whimper. He felt so comfortable that it almost overwhelmed him. God, was this normal? He couldn't stop breathing in the alpha's warm, pleasant scent, he couldn't, he didn't want to remove his face from that piece of clothing ever again. Nico hadn't moved a muscle next to him, he just stayed there, looking at the wall instead of looking at the omega, he wanted Gabriel to have his privacy, even if he was still in the same room as him. 

 

Gabriel growled softly, which made Nico look at him, a little concerned. The omega was holding his clothes so tightly in his hands that it almost looked painful. Nico frowned a little when he saw that Gabriel's legs were a bit restless even though he was almost curled up in a ball. Nico clenched his lips, confused. This should be comforting him, not making him feel anguished. He shifted slightly. "Hey, Gabi..." he whispered as quietly as he could. 

 

Gabriel didn't answer, still feeling an almost desperate urge to bite something. He clenched his jaw hard enough to hurt a little, but kept breathing. Somehow, this had overwhelmed him too quickly, but he didn't turn his face away, he didn't want to, he just didn't know how to deal with it, with all of it. He had a brief realization that everything was suddenly crashing down on him all at once, the feelings, the pain he felt, the thoughts, the desires, the detachment, the loneliness that had been eating away at him inside before... It was all there at that very moment, blending together, the bad with the good, the pain with the comfort, but no, he wasn't in pain, he was happy, happier than he had ever been, and he didn't know what to do with it. What to do about it. 

 

Nico kept looking at him, conflicted, one of his hands instinctively lingering over Gabriel's head, hesitant, he didn't want to upset him any more, but he couldn't leave him like that either, the omega was unable to stand still, his face was hidden, so Nico couldn't see what was really going on, but his body language alone was more than enough to tell him that he wasn't exactly doing very well. Nico swallowed hard and very gently pressed a hand against Gabriel's almost dry curls. 

 

Gabriel suddenly stopped moving, not in a nervous sort of way, no, he just... stopped. He took a gentle breath and let his body finally rest on the bed. Nico's hand didn't move, it just pressed against his head and stayed there. The silence persisted, but slowly Gabriel relaxed his jaw. Nico said nothing, but as soon as there was no negative reaction from the omega, he began to stroke his hair as he had already become used to doing. Gabriel exhaled through his nose and instead of pushing his face as hard as he could against the hoodie, he just rested his face on the piece of clothing this time. His heart stopped pounding loudly in his ears, and his fingers loosened their murderous grip. 

 

"You're okay." Nico's soft, low voice reached his ears like a blessing.

 

The frown between Gabriel's eyebrows had disappeared, Nico's touch had been a great help as he calmed down from that rush of euphoria that had overwhelmed him a little. Instead, tranquility washed over him, the alpha's touch radiating comfort and serenity in a way that always impressed Gabriel, because he remembered how no one else had ever made him feel that comfortable. He gradually melted again, stretching his legs a little, the conflicting feelings inside him easing into harmony, everything else seemed to disappear for a few long seconds. 

 

Then, a soft, low sound echoed in the room for a second, and Gabriel thought it might be Nico, so he didn't really pay much attention. However, when the noise grew louder and he felt his chest practically vibrating, Gabriel opened his eyes and pulled his face away from the hoodie, frowning again. The sound got even louder for half a second, so Gabriel pressed a hand against his chest, realizing that the sound was coming from him. Gabriel quickly sat up in bed, startled, touching his own rib cage. "What—" he whispered. 

 

Gabriel looked at Nico, who was still sitting on the bed, but he had a slightly sad smile on his face. "It's okay, Gabi, that's fine. " he reassured him. "You're just purring, that's perfectly normal... I just... I've never heard you do that before. " Nico commented, looking a little sad about it. 

 

Gabriel looked away, but kept one hand pressed against his chest. "Well... I thought I just wasn't capable of that—I mean, I'm not exactly—"

 

Nico stopped him, placing a hand on top of the one on his chest. "Hey, come on, don't think that, " he told him gently. "You're capable of a lot, Gabi, you just need to give yourself the chance, " the alpha continued. "For now, to avoid overwhelming you, let's just focus on the fact that you're comfortable and safe, and that everything will be fine, 'kay? "

 

Gabriel nodded, sighing, and smiled softly at the alpha, comforted by his words. "Could you... could you stay a little longer?"

 

Nico smiled back. "Sure, Gabi."

 

 

Notes:

Comments and kudos as very appreciated!