Work Text:
"Hey man, don't know if you've managed to somehow forget, but you are still banned after last time. So I'm going to ask you to please leave."
Gorgug had worked at the Gold Gardens long to nail down the 'polite, but firm' tone that made him a great face for the establishment. Not too intimidating to make perspective customers leave, but not too soft to not throw out problems.
Problems like this pixie who came in, still nursing a black eye from two days back (a solid punch from such a scrawny looking elf), and still not taking "no" for an answer.
"Look, I get it, you're more mushcles than brains—" the pixie began with a slight slur in his voice, and mentally Gorgug began a tally.
One.
"—I jusht need to speak to Mish Abernant. I don't know if you would know her, I doubt you two run in the same shocial circles deshpite working in the same establishment—"
Two.
"—but I can at least hope you'll get it through your thick shkull that I am not leaving without getting another chance at wooing that absolutely ravishing—"
And three strikes. "Tell you what, let me go check with my boss, and I'll get back to you. In the meantime, have a shot on the house." Gorgug grinned and turned around, reaching up to the top shelf to pick up a half empty bottle that had the label Pig Swill scratched off. Turning around, his smile was pure bullshit, but it seemed to ease the pixie. That and the bottom shelf whiskey the half orc always placed on the top shelf to give worse customers the illusion of quality.
"Glad to hear you're sheeing reason. You might have just shcored an invite to HIC the Glitterdew wedding."
Who the hell pregames getting their dick wet? Especially if the goal was to actually ask someone out after the fact? And specifically at the Gold Gardens! Sure, who would want to remember with any clarity one of the best experiences offered anywhere in Spyre, right? Whatever.
Gorgug quickly made his way out from behind the bar, giving a quick whistle to Kristen Applebees. The redhead, who had been entangled with a cleric missionary to Galicaea on the couch, quickly sprang up and hopped over the counter. Unfortunately, her left foot hadn't quite cleared and thus her head hit the wooden floor with a CRACK that made even the most hardened sailor wince. The half orc didn't stick around to see if the cleric would pop up with a forehead full of splinters, or if the other cleric would find that pathetic or endearing, because he was off to go see his favorite green boy.
He passed by the stage, recently constructed to better show off their two star attractions.
One was currently spinning around a bar and thrusting on stage, giving a spirited performance mostly aimed at three guests who were hooting and hollering at the front. The half orc in a sports jersey and the minotaur in a beanie looked new, but the gnome pirate with the pelican who smelled of stale pasta was definitely a regular. Granted Gorgug was pretty sure he'd seen the half orc before. Might recognize him better without the jersey and especially without the pants.
The other was strutting up and down the front of the stage, singing some Solacian (or however you spelled it) song and winking at pirates in the audience who would be sure to pay extra for an intimate visit afterwards.
"I'm gonna spend my money on somethin' sweet and strong,
gonna movie my body through the whole night long.
Gonna sweat the way I been longin' to,
nobody gonna tell me nothin' that's what I'm gonna do."
Gorgug side stepped a wood elf woman who seemed to be watching the stage with an expression Gorgug wasn't even going to bother trying to decipher, and then side stepped his mom who looked like she was going to try replacing whatever look that was with a smile.
His friends/coworkers— well, Fig and Fabian mostly— would give him shit for Roz working here alongside him, but hey, work was work and they were both good at it. Besides, Gorgug got to be able to say he had a good relationship with his parent and got to see her often. How many of his coworkers got to say the same?
Granted, not many of them would want to say the same, but that's besides the point.
Up next was passing by a large collection of cushions with some curtains draped over them. He recognized the voices coming from inside, one of them loudly complaining in a way Gorgug knew was normal.
"Can you fucking believe Skrank? He said I was thick. I got a Guy Ritchie waist, bitch, this shit is Snatch'd!" A thick dwarven accent yelled out, followed by many cheers and flirtatious remarks and the unmistakable sound of someone getting pounced on and sloppily making out. Ah, yeah, he knew this group. Not regular regulars, but they swung by often enough. He only briefly caught a small hand obscured by a large green sweatshirt sleeve poking out and sliding a gold piece across the floor in front of his path.
He smiled, leaned down, collected the coin, and tapped on the wooden floor twice. A signal that he'd be back in two minutes.
He knew his repeat client heard it because her girlfriend immediately scoffed. "We pay up front and he's still making you wait. The service here is terrible."
Speaking of repeat clients, a very forceful tug at his thin silk trousers put a pause in his pursuit of a certain private eye. He didn't even need to look down to see who it was this time, instead just sighing internally and doing some quick mental math. "Going to be about forty five minutes, Mary Ann. Your gaming crystal got enough charge to wait that out."
A small grunt in the affirmative let Gorgug know he'd be preoccupied for the next two hours.
And that he'd definitely need to go see Kristen when all was said and done. Too bad he wasn't as into masochism as some of his coworkers were, a broken pelvis did have a rather attractive sounding quality to— wait, no, he's definitely been hanging out with Applebees too much.
He started checking some private suites.
Garthy and Jack. Thankfully he was able to duck out without disrupting his boss at work.
A lovely gnome couple who seemed to have brought some fun looking contraptions with them. They had one of the new girls with them, and she looked both incredibly pleased and also like she'd be very sore in the morning. He had to offer a few excuses to exit out of that one.
Garthy's daughter and her wife- wait! They might know.
"Hey Ayda, Adaine, sorry to disrupt the date night."
Adaine looked up from the book she was reading, snuggled underneath the large heated blanket known as Ayda. Ayda also looked up, a small, pleasant smile that was already adorning her face staying put as she addressed the half orc.
"Hello Gorgug. Adaine and I were reading this book called the Gnoma-sutra, the very nice couple in the next room donated it to the library the other day, and we were wondering if you'd like to—"
"Sorry," Gorgug interjected, "I have the next few hours filled up. Have either of you seen Riz?"
"Oh, yeah." Adaine looked far too snug to move, not that she'd want to. Ayda was one of the few people, paying or not, that the elf was completely comfortable around. Even Gorgug was occasionally seen by her as "mini-Garthy", which was… complicated. He always did his best to be friendly towards all the staff, and when she was in a group setting with some of the other folks she was much less stressed. "He was practicing sneaking around in the rafters. If you tap on the beam at the end of the hall he should swing by. Why?"
"Gonna have him take care of a nuisance."
"Which one is-"
"Biz."
Adaine, who'd previously been sporting an intrigued and studios stare right before Gorgug entered, which turned to guarded curiosity when he asked the question, finally broke and gave way to a wide grin. Her eyes closed, making her look akin to a cat receiving some lovely petting.
"Good. Glad to hear. Thank you Gorgug."
The half orc nodded, and left the two love birds to whatever study date they were in the middle of. He quickly made his way to the end of the hall, hoping he wasn't taking too long that the pixie would get tired or aggravated and leave and come back another day to be a bother then. Or worse yet, have him leave the bar and fly about the Gold Gardens entirely, disrupting and bothering various patrons and workers.
Gorgug reached up to the lowest beam in the rafters of the hallway and gave them some light knocks. He stood waiting for maybe six seconds when all of a sudden, two large yellow eyes were inches away from his black ones.
"Hey Gorgug. Did Garthy need me for something? I'm working on digging up some dirt. I think Fallinel and Solace might be going to wa—"
"I need you to take care of somebody," Gorgug said. He waited patiently for the goblin to plop down from the rafters, now standing in front of him and giving the half orc his full attention.
"As in the usual way, or as in…"
Gorgug finally allowed himself a brief moment of pure, malicious glee. "Have your kind of fun. Remember what Garthy said. Feel free to use…" He couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. "The Space."
What devilish and disturbed delight danced across Gorgug's countenance was downright doubled for Riz, the slightly younger man's eyes widening to take up half his face and his fanged grin looking absolutely feral.
"Done and done." Riz said, his voice a growl that sent a managed to send a small shiver down Gorgug's spine. The half orc, his task completed, took his leave to go back to some customers that would have a much better time today.
Riz walked with a spring in his step. This was easily the best part of the job, hands down, not even close.
Sure, the other parts were arguably easier. Schmoozing, boozing, tickling, licking, sucking, fucking, knotting, docking, choking, soaking— Helio save him from the next weird little Highcourt freak that came to try out "heathen activities" with him—, etc. etc.
But this? This was just good old fashioned fun.
Rarely did he get to indulge in an activity he actively enjoyed. Not a lot of people go to the Gold Gardens asking for help with solving a mystery or wiretapping a phone line or discussing certain scenes of the seventh season of Bones.
Riz nearly skipped as he weaved through the crowds.
He passed by Adaine and Ayda, both getting hot and bothered discussing the finer intricacies of divinatory theory versus practices in an historical setting. At least, that's what it sounded like. He wasn't familiar with most of the phrases they were talking about so he just assumed.
He snuck around some Solecian adventuring party that were in various states of undress and relieving stress— oh, one of those was his former babysitter back in Elmville. He should remember to stop and say hi after. He gave quick nod to Gorgug, not that he'd see it as his face as currently between two goat legs.
He made a mental note also to check in with Fig to see if she was aware her mom was in the audience for her burlesque number tonight, or that she was currently fucking Gorgug's mom. It was in these rare moments that Riz was thankful he hadn't seen his own mother in quite some time.
He only barely avoided being trampled as a burly half orc and nimble minotaur made off with Fabian, carrying him above the grasp of Chungledown Bim towards a backroom.
Finally, he made his way to the front. Kristen was tending bar. Well, that might be generous. Kristen was failing to drop every bottle and pitcher she got her hands on, but with enough time that fact might yet change. Why Garthy had been generous enough to offer her a job, Riz would never know. Such buffoonery was why she was still working as an apprentice under Gorgug for this station, and it was also why there were now only two other people at the counter.
One was a missionary from Fallinel, though she had to have originally been from Highcourt based on the underlying accent she tried hard to suppress. Riz had heard that she called herself Tracker. If she stuck around this place long enough he'd eventually learn her full name. At the very least she was keeping Kristen preoccupied from hassling Adaine about "completing the set".
Someone that was less keen on leaving the poor elf alone however…
"Riz, my man. My main goblin, wazzup!" Biz Glitterdew swayed gently down from the bar stool until he was steadily swaying in front of him. "I thought that big oaf was supposed to be getting that swee- uh, Adaine over here."
Biz Glitterdew had come in a few times before, each time with a different set of words and the same lack of tact or charm that would've failed to entice the most desperate nymph to give him a shot, let alone one of the pickiest staff in all of the Gardens. Him having no money to his name each time also didn't help matters.
What had been the kicker, though, was last time. He'd come in with some crystal that looked out of date even to Riz, and he hadn't even been to Solace in years. A quick apprehension from the keen eyed sleuth and identify spell from Adaine showed it to be a palimpsest.
An intense interrogation from Garthy O'Brien and some terrifying torture techniques from Fig got them names from some Fallinese officials who were after Adaine for some reason. Riz was still looking into that.
And Biz had come trying to steal Adaine for them, with the promise that he'd get a very lifelike copy.
After that, Garthy had been very clear to the pixie. He was not allowed in the Gardens under threat of death. They'd also told the rest of the staff that if he ever came back, to handle him as best they saw fit, so long as they kept it clean and don't cause a mess or a scene.
Now, either Biz came here because he had a death wish, because he didn't actually believe the promise was little more than a cheap threat—
Riz sniffed the air and grimaced.
—or because an abundance of alcohol and a lack of wits make for terrible bedfellows.
"Hey Biz," Riz said with a smile full of pincer sharp fangs, "Gorgug told me to come take you to Adaine's room."
"W-whoa! Her room?" Biz's eyes just about bulged out of their sockets and, tiny as it was, something else just about leapt out of his pants. "I didn't think I'd be getting there already."
Riz wasn't the greatest at coming up with convincing lies. Nobody ever came to him for a silver tongue. However, if his target was drunk and dumb enough, even he could seem charming and trustworthy.
It helped that the pixie seemed to think there was some kinship between himself and the goblin.
As much as anything else about his rancid personality, Riz held that against him.
"Well, it's more her work room than her bedroom, but hey. Impress her there, and maybe you'll get to move on up."
The little neck beard bastard tipped his fedora, pulled on his suspenders, and bit his bottom lip, because apparently Riz was just straight up talking to a caricature of a weasel-esque douchebag.
"Well, I'll do my best, and hopefully won't make much of a mess."
Did… did that sound clever to him? Was that supposed to sound in any way impressive? "Wow, okay, sure, I'll bet." Riz kept his muttering quiet as he led the pixie through the crowd to the opposite side of the building from where Adaine actually was. Leading him to the corridor of private rooms with doors instead of curtains, they went to the very end, where one specific room sat in wait.
It was built as a multi-purpose room, even though it really only had one thing that made it special.
It was sound proof.
Padded walls, a door that sealed shut, and a ward that cast a variation of the silence spell that prohibited any noise made inside to ever escape the confines of the intimate surroundings.
However, Fig referred to it as the Recording Booth, Fabian called it the Sensory Deprivation Egg 2.0, and Kristen had dubbed it Space, since nobody could hear you cream. Riz was the only one who had laughed at that, and since then Kristen had referred to him as her best friend, right alongside Gorgug.
To the chagrin of most of the staff, Space seemed to be the name that stuck the most.
Only as he was ushering Biz into the room did he realize the pixie had been talking the whole time. "There's no way she's gonna be able to resist all this." Ugh. "Every woman falls for the Glitterdew charm."
Glitterdew charm seemed more an oxymoron than anything. Or perhaps just a flat out myth. Still, Riz decided to indulge him in his final moments. "Oh I'll bet. She doesn't stand a chance against you, man."
"So what exactly does she like? I mean, I don't know if you really talk to her all that much more than that freak at the front, but you'd probably have some ideas on how to woo Ada- uh, the fair maiden Miss Abernant."
"I mean, you came here looking for a quick bang, right?" Riz made sure the door was closed, hearing it seal shut with a soft thunk.
The twerp coughed into his hand, which just seemed unsanitary. You're in a whore house dude, show some class. "Um, actually, I was hoping to be able to speak to Miss Abernant and perchance get the opportunity to ask to be able to court her." As he grabbed behind his back to grab the gun from its holster, Riz made a mental note to apologize to Fabian at some point. Sure he's pretentious sounding when he talks, but at least he'd never uttered the word perchance. "I'm not just here for a 'quick bang' as you put it."
Riz took in a long breath of stale air and smiled, happy he was going to get to use a one liner he'd spent, admittedly, too long thinking up. "Shame, that's all you're getting."
He raised his gun up to the back of the pixie's head and practically purred as he fired.
BANG!
Well… so much for not leaving a mess.