Chapter Text
Now
Robby would like to say he doesn't know how he found himself here at fifty three, five months pregnant and facing a potential miscarriage due to being attacked by a patient with two med students and Dana forming a protective wall in front of him from the shocked stares of his staff who are looking at him like he's a freak and Jack who looks like he isn't sure what to feel. Green eyes meet his, he tries to convey the fear he felt and still feels hoping that it will stop Jack from being too angry at him, he's not sure it works at first until he lets out a whimper and his eyes soften. Those eyes are what he loves and they belong to a man he's been in love with for ten years but this is all going wrong. Robby was breaking down it's why he told Jack to give him time, then he found out he was pregnant and he didn't feel like he was ready. Everyone was telling him the pregnancy was high risk and his therapist was trying to work with him. He was working through his fears and issues because their child, a child half Jack, deserved better but he had been so afraid and now an angry patient could take it all away from him.
Then - 5 months ago
Robby sits curled up in his house looking at the destroyed living room and wishing he could go back to last night, to when Jack had kissed him softly like he was perfection and then fucked him though it wasn't really fucking with how gentle it was but he wasn't sure he was ready for that thought process yet. He had woken up feeling so loved in Jack's strong arms but he knew what was happening, he knew he wasn't stable yet and that he was going to break down so he sent the one good thing he had away, remembers the way Jack was so fucking kind and it broke him even more.
"It's okay to need help Mikey. Call my therapist. I'm here when your ready," Jack whispers kissing his cheek softly before walking out the door.
Robby had heard the words, had thought they were sweet but then he felt bad because he had the one thing he wants, the one thing he's wanted for years and he threw it away because he was so fucked up. The realization caused him to get upset and he broke basically everything in his apartment, his kitchen as well until it felt like he had enough and now he was curled in a ball sobbing as he pulled Jack's shirt to his nose as he smelled it.
"I'm sorry," Robby sobbed out to no one in particular not that anyone could hear or cared.
Then - Four months ago
Robby sighs as he takes a drink of his whiskey and eyes two of his students. He came here to either fuck or be fucked he wasn't particularly picky and he knew he needed help but if he wanted to destroy himself who cared. He doesn't want to think about Jack's eyes watching him at hand off or during game nights like he was scared for him and he doesn't want to think about the way Dana watched him like she was afraid of losing him. Robby sees an older guy get too handsy with Whittaker, sees him slip something in his drink and he moves because he isn't letting anyone least of all one of his people be hurt in anyway.
"Whittaker don't drink that he put something in it," Robby says storming up and yanking the drink out of his hands.
"What are you his father or something?" The would be rapist asks.
"Something like that now fuck off," Robby says seeing the bartender calling the cops as she eyes them.
Soon Santos is pulling Whittaker behind her like an angry protective mama Bear and that's a friendship he didn't see coming but also made sense. It takes about ten minutes before cops show up just in time too because the idiot tried drugging someone else and Robby sighs wondering if he's going to get fucked or find someone to fuck or if he should just go home now. He sees Whittaker wave a hand at him in thanks while Santos just looks at him but he doesn't really care for their thoughts or judgements, doesn't care for anyone's which is a lie but he lied to himself before. Robby ends up going home alone but he saved one of his people from being raped and if he dreams of grey curls and green eyes as a voice whispers to him about how good he is then that's between him and his dreams.
Then - Three months ago
Robby is shaking as he ignores the test he threw away in the bathroom of the convience store, knows he looks a mess from crying and he buys two more tests. He doesn't even process the glare that the cashier throws him as he walks out clutching his bag and wondering how this happened to him now at fifty three years old. He's too old for this, this baby deserves better than a mentally fucked up person like him but then he thinks of a child that potentially looks like Jack and his heart melts before he's wanting to sob again because he ruins everything so he'll ruin this. Robby looks up on his walk only to freeze when he sees Santos and Whittaker bundled together in her car and based on the crap in her backseat they are living out of it, she looks like she's ready to cry but doesn't want to show it while he looks just used to the whole thing.
"Hey," Robby greets softly.
"We don't need help," Santos practically yells but her voice catches as she holds back a sob.
"What happened?" Robby asks first ignoring the outburst.
"Apparently my landlord was into some shady stuff and well now we are homeless," Santos whispers not looking at him.
"It's fine," Whittaker stutters out.
"It's alright to ask for help," Robby says and he knows he's a fucking hypocrite, he can hear the ghost of Jack saying so, he even sees Santos cut a look at him.
"Really? Because I've heard the whispers of concern about you and the way people talk about you pushing everyone away as you spiral," Santos argues her words biting.
"Yeah well maybe I needed to breakdown completely before accepting help. Don't do what I did and push everyone away. Pretty sure I lost the only man I'll love because of it," Robby says.
Robby admits being vulnerable and he isn't sure why, isn't sure if it's because of the baby he's carrying that's causing a flux of emotions and hormones to run through him or because he's finally broken down enough to accept help. He sees Santos frown before her eyes soften just a little bit and he waits wondering what biting words she'll say next.
"He loves you and he's worried. Pretty sure all you need to do is say his name and he'd come running back to you," Santos offers instead.
"I need to be better before I do that," Robby whispers before addressing them, "I have a big house. Six bedrooms so you two can have your own and be far from my room. I don't expect rent but if you guys want to insist on helping then just help me keep it clean and maybe if you are able cook or get groceries. The only thing I would ask is that if you have anyone over you give me a heads up. No you don't have to ask for permission I'm not saying that but that way I don't think someone random broke in."
Robby waits to let his words sink in, turns away to wipe his eyes as he holds back sobbing, wants to believe Jack can still love him. He wants so much to feel Jack in his arms but he needs time, he needs to actually go to therapy, he needs to make sure he's pregnant but most of all he needs to deal with the possibility that maybe everyone is wrong and Jack doesn't love him or want him. Of course that possible scenario makes him want to curl up in a ball but he focuses instead to turn back to his students to see what they say or want and when he sees them reluctantly nod their head in agreement he feels a win, feels like maybe he isn't a failure and that helps him for now.