Chapter Text
Thong Squad, Ride Up! - Episode 1 - Origins, Part 1
Annette Rosewood stood before Lingering View High School, in the town of Calli Pier, with one thought heavy on her mind. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” Annette walked into her final year of high school, confident she could handle whatever life threw at her. She was more right about this than she realized, as today was indeed the day her whole world changed. But such momentous happenings could wait until after school.
Annette thought of herself as an average girl with nothing to make her stand out. She was mostly right about that, except for the not-so-small fact that she had a rather impressive rear end. Truly, she was blessed by her Jamaican ancestors, for she had an ass that was both wide and round. It was jiggly, yet still retained enough tone to keep its roundness. It had been the subject of both scorn and adulation, both of which weighed heavily on Annette’s heart. Thankfully, she had friends to lift her spirits, and she ran into one of them as she went towards her locker
.“Hey girl! Are you ready to crush this year?” cried Chastity Cooper, a blonde white girl that Annette would describe as a free spirit. Though others, including Chastity herself, would say it was more accurate to call her a turboslut. “You know it! Gonna ace everything and get into a really good college.” Annette matched her friend’s energy, as another one of their friends made herself known. “I’d be happy with enough Bs and Cs to keep my scholarship.” Amanda Kham was a Laotian girl of slight frame, her grit and drive more than a match against those who outweighed and outreached her.
“You’ll be lucky to get those if you don’t at least open a book every now and then,” Brittney DuPont, a British expat and potential heiress to a canning empire, chimed in and got a scowl from Amanda. Before she could retort, a big-hipped Latina waltzed in and hugged Amanda, “No sweat, beau. If the study sessions don’t help, I’ll just hack into the school’s mainframe and change a few grades.” Annette frowned at her oldest friend. “Catalina Acosta, can you not plan crimes in sight of us?”
Catalina winked and replied, “Got it, only plan crimes when you’re not looking.” Annette fixed her with a withering stare, she held for a few minutes before a giggle escaped her, with the others following suit. The bell then rang, knocking all of them out of their fun, and sent them hurrying off to class. The day proceeded as normal, unaware that today was the day their lives would change forever. The girls made their way back home, talking and cracking jokes, when they heard something knock over a trash can. The girls turned towards the sound and saw the weirdest thing they’ve ever seen so far in their young lives.
It seemed to be an orange-and-black cat on its hind legs, but what really stood out was the fact that it seemed to be forty percent donk. “Now that’s a fat-ass pussy!” blurted out Chastity before her brain could fully process.
The creature gave her the flattest, dead-eyed stare at her and said, “I guess they don’t have manners on this planet.” That stopped everybody dead in their tracks. While they were trying to recover, the cat spoke up again. “Come, there is someone you need to meet. They can explain everything.” The cat then sauntered off.
Annette and her friends looked at each other, then followed the cat into a nearby wooded area. There, in a small crater, they found the cat waiting outside of what could only be recognized as a spaceship. The cat waved them inside, and in they went. The ship seemed to be a mix of the hi-tech and the mystical, sending Catalina into a fit of nerdy paroxysm. Here and there, they saw little drones repairing the ship, but no other crew. Annette was about to ask the others if they wanted to turn back when they reached the helm and the person sitting on the command chair.
It was a girl who looked to be about their age, but she was actually so much more than that. She was caramel-skinned with a lithe, graceful figure. Not to mention a rear you could bounce a quarter off of. The girls got a good view of it, due to the stranger’s “barely there” outfit. Indeed, it seemed designed to draw attention to it, and the white thong kept it almost decent. The new girl turned to Annette and her friends, then spoke. “I, Cleophoe Eira of House Doublemoon, heir to the throne of Assahiem, welcome you to my Royal Starship, The Goddess’s Hand. I hope that my maid, Flufflepon, did not alarm you too much.”
The name Flufflepon drew a snort from Amanda before Catalina quickly elbowed her in the ribs. “Nah, man. It’s cool. So, you’re a princess? What’s that like?” Chastity breezed by the existential crisis of alien life and went right to her old standby of flirting. Catalina jumped on top of Chastity and screamed, “Never mind that, how does any of this work? What are you doing on our planet? Are you the last of your race?” Cleo held up her hand, and the girls quieted down. “I know you have many questions, but we do not have much time. The foes who chased us away from our homeworld have followed us here. They will conquer your world just as they did with ours. But we can save both of our worlds.”
The girls stood in shock as Cleo retrieved an ornate box and opened it in front of them. Annette and her friends peered inside and saw treasures from beyond the stars, which took the form of five multicolored thongs. They radiated with power, and Annette could feel herself being drawn to the pink one in the center. “These are the Thongs of Power, great treasures gifted to us by the Goddess herself. These will grant you the power to protect those that you love.” Amanda and Chastity reached for them, but were slapped down by Brittney and Catalina.
“Yeah, this sounds like a nice sales pitch, but we’re gonna need…” Before Brittney could complete her rebuttal, a shrieking alarm cut her off. Cleo closed the box and hurried over to the control panel with her maid. Fingers flying over the controls, she brought up a video feed of downtown. It showed a scene of chaos, people were running amok, trying to get away from strangely uniformed troopers. Some of the troopers were catching people and throwing them in cages, or just beating them down. They seemed to be led by a huge monster, barking orders and snatching up civilians.
The creature stood head and shoulders taller than everyone else. It had the shape of a humanoid giraffe. Annette clasped her hand over her mouth as she viewed the mayhem being wrought upon the streets of her beloved hometown. She turned to the others and saw that they were in similar states. Annette met their eyes and each one nodded in agreement. “We’ll take your offer, but how are thongs supposed to help us?”
Cleo replied back, “Put them on and snap the strings while saying ‘Thong Squad, Ride Up!’ and then you will be transformed by the thong’s power.” The girls owlishly blinked and Catalina blurted out, “Are you for fucking real?!”
Cleo just shrugged and the girls grumbled and quickly slipped out of their skirts and pants. They stood before each other and performed the transformation sequence. The moment the strings of the Thong snapped back to place, a great rush of energy crashed into them. Annette could feel the strength surging through her body, she could feel the magic coursing through her veins, she could feel the breeze on her ass. After the light show died down, Annette looked over her new costume, or rather, what little there was of it. The thongs were a given, but all she had up top were pink star-shaped pasties on her nipples. How were her gloves and boots covering more of her? She looked around and saw that her friends were in the same state of so-called “dress” as she was, save that their pasties were different.
Catalina had blue clubs on her hefty breasts, Amanda had red spades covering her perky little titties, Brittney had green diamonds completely covering her mosquito bites, and Chastity had yellow hearts valiantly holding her huge boobs. Face red as a tomato, Brittney asked, “Alright, now that we’re slutted up, how are we supposed to help anybody?”
Cleo’s hands once again flew over the ship’s console. “The ship’s teleporter is still online. We can beam you to the battle whenever you’re ready.” Annette stood before her friends, “Girls, I know this is scary, but the power granted to us by Cleo has to be used to protect our world. Are you with me?”
Annette held out her hand, palm down. One by one, the others placed their hands on top of hers, and with a cheer of determination, readied themselves for battle. The sight bolstered Cleo’s spirits. After all the running, hope was returning to her. The teleporter wrapped the newly minted Squad in an enveloping white light and bound off into the sky, landing in downtown Calli Pier. The chaos rattled Annette, now Thong Pink, but she steeled her resolve and gave the Squad their orders, “Protect the civilians and watch each other’s backs!” A curt nod from the others ,and they set off, suckerpunching any goons that got in their way.
Britteny, now Thong Green, and Chastity, now Thong Yellow, reached the cage and tried to open it. They managed to bend the bars, but they couldn’t get them wide enough. “I think I got this,” declared Amanda, now Thong Red, with more confidence than she actually felt. Red grabbed the bars and, with a mighty yell, pulled the cage apart,
“Hot damn, girl!” remarked Yellow. “Holy shit, maybe we CAN do this.” Green chimed in. They then came under fire, lasers fired, missing them by scant inches.
Catalina, now Thong Blue, had just finished beating up a goon when she saw her friends in danger. Some newly formed instinct compelled her to stretch out her hand, then a shimmer of light began to solidify in the center of her palm, taking the shape of a blue wand. Blue swung the wand, light trailing behind. A magic blast flew out of the wand, hitting the troopers firing on her friends. The troopers left standing shifted their fire to Blue. As the lasers made their way to her, the world seemed to slow down.
The shots inched towards her, allowing Blue to dodge and return fire. Red could only see Blue moving in a blur. “How’d she do that?” Yellow punched a trooper and replied, “The speed thing or the wand?”
Green was struggling with her own foe. “Either or would be helpful!” Green broke away from her enemy and started waving her arms around, trying to summon her own weapon or power. The trooper advanced on her. Green stuck out her hand, and the goon went flying. She smiled and began telekinetically slamming him on the ground and into his fellow troopers before flinging him into the air. Green light was dancing around her hand before forming into a bow.
Britteny grabbed the string and drew it back, an arrow already drawn. She aimed and let it loose, piercing the goon through the heart. Green then guided the arrow into the eye of the trooper about to attack Blue. Red was putting her martial arts training to good use. Blocking, kicking, and punching every trooper that dared to oppose her. The next punch she threw sent one goon flying into twenty others, much to Red’s surprise. She held up her hands and saw they were now covered in armored gauntlets, with spades on the knuckles. Red flexed her fingers, marveling at how dexterous her movements were. A ferocious grin split her face as she clenched her fists, then she drove them into the mob in front of her.
“Right behind you, babe!” encouraged Yellow as she wiggled her fingers for her weapon. It appeared and took the form of a long spear. Yellow twirled it a bit before driving the head into an attacking goon. She pulled back and did a sweep to keep several other troopers off of her, slicing a few. An unseen enemy was about to land a blow to Yellow’s back, but before she could react, a glimmering double of herself blocked the attack. While the double held back the foe, Yellow seized the opening and finished off the enemy, “Fucking dope! Wonder what else I can make?”
Yellow concentrated for a moment, and then a sizable dick construct hovered before her eyes. She pondered over it and remarked to herself, “I should call up Randy again. It’s been a while since our last time together.” She then grabbed it and cold cocked the nearest trooper with it. Pink saw the great strides her friends were making, and she couldn’t let herself fall behind. She reached for the heavens, her will to defend the world manifesting as a sword. Pink gripped it with all the willpower she could muster and took a resolute step forward.
A small, localized earthquake shook the enemy, while her friends and innocent citizens were left standing. She swung her sword and cleaved heads from shoulders and spilled their guts. The giraffe monster, seeing his forces decimated, strode out and knocked Green to the ground while she was distracted by the lesser foes. Before Gigantiraffe could land another blow, Yellow stabbed him in the side. The monster gritted his teeth through the pain and tried to stomp Green, but she rolled out of the way.
Red came in with a flurry of punches on his other side, while Yellow twisted her spear in deeper. As Gigantiraffe knocked the two of them away, Blue fired upon him before he regained his footing. Blocking the magic from her, he gathered up his own power and launched a massive blast at Blue. Even with her enhanced speed, she was still grazed, pain arching through her shoulder. Pink stomped the ground, giving herself the opening she needed for an attack.
Gigantiraffe was just fast enough to keep from being decapitated, though Pink did manage to cut him across the chest, “Girls, together!” rallied Pink, as she swung once more. The monster dodged the heroine’s sword once again, but was struck by her allies' fists and Yellow’s spear. He tried to fall back, only for his escape to be cut off by arrows and magic. For every one attack he dodged or blocked, three or more hit. Even his bulky physique could only take so much damage. “Time to finish this, on me!” The Squad jumped back with Pink in the middle. The others on her side drew back their hips and smacked them into their leader’s.
The wave of pure sonic force hit Gigantiraffe with the weight of a Mack truck, blasting him apart. “Wait, that's our finishing move?” Green asked with all the incredulity she could muster. “It worked, didn’t it?” Blue replied coyly.
“I know I said you had a killer ass, but this literally takes all the cake.” Yellow good-naturedly joked as she lightly grabbed Pink’s luscious badonkadonk. Red looked around at all the civilians coming towards them. “Yo, dudes. Might want to get our press faces on.” Pink froze up; all the courage she had fighting monsters evaporated away with the thought of having to deal with her ass all over the internet.
“Our lives are over. There’s no way I can deal with this. What will my parents think?” Pink panicked, but a calming presence made itself known in the Squad’s minds. “Worry not, brave heroes. The magic of the Thongs of Power shall provide a glamour. It will veil your faces from the eyes of the masses.” Cleo telepathically informed the team. Blue thought back, “What about our asses?” There was a sense of puzzlement from Cleo, “Why would you wish to hide such worthy rears? They would be hailed as the butts of great heroes back home.”
Green pinched the bridge of her nose. “Well, they’re gonna be known as the asses of great hoes over here.”
Yellow saw that the crowd was getting closer. “We can discuss differing sexual mores later. It’s time to meet the public.” The grateful citizens of Caili Pier rushed towards their newfound heroines, clamoring for information and selfies.
Pink held up a hand, calming the crowd. “Today was a hard day for everyone, but know that whenever evil seeks to harm the good people of Calli Pier, we, The Thong Squad, will be there to protect you!” The crowd cheered, and Pink side-whispered, “Cleo, do you think you could get us home now?” The princess worked on the control panel.
“I should, when the beam energizes, you think of your home, and you will be brought there. To power down, just snap the back of the Thong of Power.” Pink nodded and looked to the others, who were tired and ready for bed, “Form up and away!” The teleporter beam wrapped around the girls and sent them home. This victory not only lit up everyone’s social media, it made its way to the alien planet of Assaheim. In the dreadful keep of the Dark Kingdom, a recording of the first fight of the Thong Squad played in the throne room.
“These girls are supposed to be the last line of defense? You could drive megabison through the gaps in their defense!” came a youthful voice, full of bravado and swagger.
“They should provide a few moments of fun before they break. Even that little, scrawny one,” a voice purred with barely contained malice and glee. “Do not underestimate our enemy. Though untested. They still wield artifacts of great power, and should not be taken lightly.” A firm, cold tone commanded the other two in line. “Astute observation as always, my Queen. Now, what are your orders?” a small, almost snively voice squeaked out.
“We will hold back for now, for we cannot afford to raze the planet. This will all be for nought if Cleo slips through our hands. The Thong of Royalty will be in my hands, and the ritual will be completed. These young fools will not stand in the way of our rise. So says Queen Regulita!”